Club Random with Bill Maher - Kat Timpf | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Bill Maher and Kat Timpf of the Greg Gutfeld Show riff on her new number one best-selling book, how much Bill and Kat drink, how you’re a goner if you get a rare disease, Kat’s frozen future children, Kat’s past dating hot trash, how Kat made her colostomy bag nightmare funny, how much fake hair women wear, why Kat doesn’t watch movies, and Kat getting harassed for working at Fox News. 

Club Renew. What do you want? I would have I have this beer ball of a little tequila too. I'm a tequila girl as well. You want this? And I just pour it. Just like put it in here. Just I just sip on it.

OK. That'd be cool. Thank you. That's enough? Yeah, that's cool. For now, at least we'll see how it goes, you know. So that's what you drink, tequila? Tequila and beer, yes.

Together? Yes, what I'm doing right now. You drink tequila and then you chase it with a beer? Yeah. So, you just want ice and no soda in there? I'll put a little soda. Yeah, I think tequila tastes good with some kind of soda. Yeah, for sure.

I mean, all right, then I'll take mine. I did just do a shot. Oh, and there. To kill. Yeah. Good for you. Other than that, yeah, why not? So you drink, how much would you say? How much would I say?

Yeah, I mean, like, per week, how many weeks? Per week, between like zero and 14. Wow. It's zero. Yeah, sometimes. What's a zero week? Sometimes when I just, I don't feel like it or I'm working or something like that.

But I don't really drink during the week at all, but then on the weekends. Sometimes I can't. I never drink a week, I didn't feel like it. Really? I mean, I used to, I would say, I mean, I don't know how late into life, but certainly until I was 50,

I probably, you know, had more like 25, 30 drinks a week. Yeah, yeah, I make sense. Which is not like a drunk, but it is definitely Irish. Yeah. And now I have like three. Got it, a week. Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm a thing. Just, you know, otherwise you'd look like Ted Kennedy.

See, that's the thing. I feel like I don't want to look like shit. I don't want to. Right. And feel like shit. And feel like shit, I guess. Yeah, that too. You know, there's a saying in sports,

well, you take what the defense will give you. And I feel like that's the same with health. Like, when you can get away with it, you drink 25 drinks a week, because I could, because it didn't stop me from being exactly who I am. I mean, it wasn't good for my liver, but it wasn't like I couldn't work, wasn't like I couldn't sleep,

wasn't like I couldn't, I probably didn't even have a hangover, unless it was like six or eight drinks on a certain night, which happens sometimes. But even that, you know, that's what aspirin was put on Earth for. like six or eight drinks on a certain night, which happens sometimes. But even that, you know, that's what aspirin was put on Earth for. Was it like a slow burn or you just stopped?

No, I never stopped. Because I never, never stopped. I never needed to because like, you couldn't function that way because that's what the defense is giving you. Your body is saying to you, yeah, we can take you drinking that many drinks a week and still be fine. You're not dying from it. It's not good for you, but we're good. And then when you get over 50,

your body's like, well, no, we're not giving you that shot anymore. But I also kind of learned the wrong lesson because my mom died when she was 57. Yeah, she did. And she barely drank. And she was super healthy. She ate all organic food. And she exercised. And she died of this super rare disease. She just, it's called cardiac amyloidosis. So it's your body builds up a protein that your liver can't break down. So it starts building up in your organs. So it's super rare. It mostly affects black men. My mom was a woman. I'm obviously not like mixed. So she's not black. And she obviously not like mixed, so, schnapp black. And she died and I'm like, you know what?

It's kind of a crapshoot. And for a while, I was just like, let's fucking go. And I was drinking a lot like in my 20s. But then I was like, this doesn't make me feel good. So I called that out. You know, there's something like 7,000, what they call rare disease. Yes. And like, the ones that we know of that are not rare,

they don't know what the fuck to do. And this is something I always bring up when I'm debating people about COVID and vaccines and stuff, nothing I'm an anti-vaxxer or anything. You have to say that, of course. But like my overarching theme is always, they just don't know that much. They don't, you know, in a hundred years,

people will look back at what we did, especially during COVID, but without anything. And they'll look at all the stupid mistakes and they'll go, oh, don't be hard on them. They hadn't even figured out cancer yet. Yeah. You know, you have to realize that's where we are. I know we think, oh, we're on the cutting edge.

Yeah, because we're the latest version of ourselves. We're awesome, but tomorrow we'll look a little dumber because we will be a little dumber. Yeah. And, you know, so, yeah, God forbid, you get a rare disease. Cause again, they can't figure out the big ones. The rare ones are the one that just go, fuck a fine, no. Exactly. I mean, Lyme disease is the kind of that just go, fuck if I know. Exactly.

I mean, Lyme disease is the kind of that where we'll with Lyme disease. We can just throw a bunch of shit at it and try, but are we even diagnosed? No, seeing it right, I mean, your health, you're on your own sister. I mean, just we all are just on our own. Yeah, I think about it a lot though. Like how I will die, when I will die, I think because I was slapped in the face with it at a relatively young age.

But. Slaped in the face. Yeah, like when my mom died, I realized that death is ugly, you know? Like I feel like our culture white washes it a lot where you're supposed to have like these beautiful conversations at the end of life in the movies, like even Titanic, you see Titanic,

and they're like actually in real life, he wasn't able to, I have that conversation because he was dying of hypothermia. So I had the, I felt like I was doing it wrong when my mom was dying, because our last conversations was her being like, can I get a nice trip? I'm thirsty, you know, and it was ugly and it was gross. And- Wait, he couldn't have the, and it was ugly and it was gross. And...

Wait, he couldn't have the... It was time to tie Tams. Yeah. He's in the water. And they're having this deep emotional conversation. That would not have went down like that. No. Definitely would not. And as many people have forwarded out, she had room on the raft.

She did? She did. She did with... There was something there that was just so off or whatever she was on that door. And in real life, it would have been, couldn't we table this talk about our future and maybe I get up on the raft? I've never actually seen the movie.

I just know that last scene. You've never seen Titan. My mom wouldn't let me see it because there were boobs in it. And then I told her, I'll have boobs someday and movie. I just know that last scene. You've never seen Titan. My mom wouldn't let me see it because there were boobs in it. And then I told her, I'll have boobs someday and like, I don't. So. Is that because she's some super Christian?

She was very Catholic. She was very Catholic. Actually, when I was looking for her, but she was vulgar when I was looking. What do tips have to do with Jesus? I don't know. I'm not religious. Yeah, I don't know.

She was super Catholic. When I was actually couldn't find her hotel room, or hotel room, I don't know. I, she was super Catholic. When I was actually couldn't find her hotel room, or a hotel room hospital room opposite, the nurses were like, oh, the lady with all the pictures of the Pope and the dick jokes. And I was like, that's gotta be my mom. So I followed in there. But she, yeah, she was super Catholic.

And a lot of my extended family still is. And I'm just, I'm not religious. I don't know how. I was raised conflict. You were, yeah. And when did you stop being Catholic? Well, we stopped going to church when I was 13. That was a big red letter day in my life,

because I was very traumatized by it from like, whenever we, I mean, I remember catechism, which is what we went on Sunday before church, and that's like what it was taught by nuns. And that was like very scary to me. And we were, I was very young. I remember first communion practice, you're seven. Yeah.

Did you get three? I got first communion, yeah. And then I was in the middle of practicing for, what's the one you get at 13? That's where you get a middle name. Confirmation. Confirmation. I did that one. And we never quite made it there.

I did that one. And it was, I was very liberated because I just always was dreading anything to do with church. I didn't mind church itself so much. It was boring, but my father and my sister were there with me. But that catechism class, it was so different than regular school, which was like smaller, I knew the kids.

This was like big, it was like 40 kids in the room and the nuns were like, and they didn't really know who you were. You just, you know, they would fucking literally hit you with the ruler and kind of stuff. And then after, then I was, for a long time, I was not an atheist. I just didn't really think about religion much at all, except if I needed something from God like I would plead with them.

Oh, I'll stop doing this if you just, yeah. Some that kind of shit. But I wasn't, I think there just, I think even into the 90s, I was not really an atheist. I just was somebody who was, I guess that's more agnostic, but I, if you ask me if there's a God, I would have probably said, yes, I just don't think about him much and I think religion is stupid, but that's not God, you know, he's different. Yeah. And then at some point, I don't know, but at some point it was like, oh, come on. Yeah, I guess I'm just, I'm agnostic, I guess,

because I really want there to be a God. I want there to be a God, but I can't make myself believe it. And I mean, I write about in my book actually about how comedy's a sort of religion to me, is because bad shit that happens, I can be creative with it, and I can have some kind of meaning,

but I have a tough time with a Catholic church, honestly, because I mean, I even do have family members who are upset that I'm not Catholic anymore, especially because my book's coming out and I'm talking about all this stuff. And it's like, well, if you love me so much, can't God still love me, even though I'm confused? Like, I don't, it's not that I don't wanna believe him.

I'm not like, I reject God. I just can't believe it. And the toughest thing for me, honestly, or the thing that, because some of the stuff that's mortal sins in the Catholic church doesn't make sense. Like, you masturbate and then, you masturbate and then you're on your way

to get the bus you can hit by a car, you go to hell. The Ten Commandments don't make sense. Four of them are just about God's ego. And like, you know, don't make up statues. And like, if you were gonna make a list of ten really bad things, the worst ten things you shouldn't do, you would include things like rape, which is not on the list.

And yet, you know, having false idols is, or, you know, coveting my neighbor's wife is on the list, but not incest, or, you know, I mean, it's just, it's nothing, none of it makes sense. What do you think of the abortion switchover with no more rovers is weighed, and people in red states, they have to like drive... Yeah.

I mean, where are you pro-choice, pro-... I'm pro-choice, yeah. States, they have to like drive. Yeah. I mean, where are you pro-choice, pro- I'm pro-choice, yeah. I just think, you know, someone else's pregnancy is like not my business. That's how I've always felt about it. Like, I'm not sure about like if Roe v. So you don't think it's murder?

Yeah, I don't. I also just think like You don't think it's murder? I don't think so. I also just think. You don't think it's murder? I don't think so. I think it is murder. I'm just okay with it. Yeah, do you know, I actually, that's, I know people in my life

who have said that exactly. I guess, I, you know, I mean, there's no denying it's going to be a human. Yeah. But I have, I have nine frozen embryos with my husband. That's like a reversible version. Like I have like nine kids in a freezer. Cause I'm just like, I, I, I, I,

So you have no kid. I have no, I have the nine ones in the freezer. But so, and then so in other words, you could have nine kids with that. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't even know how that worked. No, I didn't. I didn't do.

Do they have to literally take it out of here? So no, they, I, I get my, I've taken out, and he works. No, I didn't. I didn't do. Do they have to literally take it out of you? So no, I get my, I just take it out. And he's in another room jerking off. And then they mix them together. Oh, of course. And I had no idea, because I've been on birth control my whole life, so I had no idea. I was like, I'm skinny, I'm probably not fertile.

I'm not, I'm like a motherly person. I was like, I like my voice is like, I sound like a man. People on Twitter all the time, it gives me a being trans. I'm like, if I was trans, why would I not admit it? I'd be so popular. I don't know, uterus here. And I was like, holy shit, like I actually can, I'm actually, we have nine.

Like nobody gets nine and now they're just like, they've been in the free, on ice for like, I don't know. Oh, you mean they, they've got embryos. One time. Yeah, and one, I had no idea. So how many did they usually get when they do it? Like three to five. Oh, so you're embryos. One time? Yeah, and one, I had no idea. So how many did they usually get when they do it? Like three to five. Oh, so you're very first.

Apparently. Right. Okay, so what are you gonna do with them? That's the thing I don't know. Tell them. So, you know what, I'm gonna try to get pregnant, I think the sex way. I'm not gonna try to get pregnant.

I think I'm just gonna take the IUD out and see how it's. So you wanna have kids? I don't see the thing, I don't really wanna have kids. Well, I don't get pregnant. But, but I don't not to have kids? I don't see the thing, I don't really want to have kids. Well, don't get pregnant. But, but I don't not want to have kids. And I'm a yes person, you know? I'm like, let's do it.

And you know, my sister's like, that's a horrible reason to have children. But I think children have been brought into the world for way worse reasons than that. You know, I'm like, why not? Like if my body has the ability to like, like have like grow like a human inside of it and like I, it comes out in my vagina, like why would I not sign up for that ride?

Yeah, why would you not? I, hmm, yeah, look, I mean, I have certainly aware that children are remain like one of the most popular activities there is. I mean, there's bowling and there's certainly... And you don't have kids, obviously. Yeah, absolutely. Not have kids or like them. Yeah. There's, you know, there's video games,

there's movies, there's TV, but kids, what enduring popularity? You know that they're popular because even celebrities have them. Yeah, that's it. And you'd be like, Jesus Christ, what do you need a kid for? You've got a good life. You don't need. And yet there's something about a kid. People, most people, it's a very deep-seated thing. I do not have that chip, but I get it. They really like creating, maybe it has to do with mortality. Like, I'm never really gonna die because I had this protoplasm that's really me,

and it came out of me, it looks like me, and it's me, it's me, come on, it's just, it's ya. And I'm terrified to be clear. I'm gonna blame you. I'm terrified my husband really wants kids, right? And I'm like, I'll have his kids. How long have you been married? It'll be two years, on the first.

On the first. And he's like a good man. Right. No, like, you don't know me, but I dated trash almost exclusively. Like, you know, humans, and I think that's because I didn't want to commit to like a boyfriend. I was like, because then if it goes wrong, then I have to feel bad about it, maybe.

I thought there's a lot of trash out there. There really is. So it's like, it's like, it's like, because then if it goes wrong, then I have to feel bad about it, maybe. Oh, so there's a lot of trash out there. There really is. So it's like, it's like, it's not a lot of fun. And a lot of it is really hot, so like, it's tough. But he was like, he gets it. He knows that I'm ambitious. I want to keep, he's like, cat, you're going to be a great dad.

No. That's funny. So I'm like, I'm down to do this with him. So that was your type, hot trash. Hot trash, a lot of it. So I'm like, I'm down to do this with him. So that was your type, hot trash. Hot trash, a lot of it. Like, like, um, I- And do you think they're trashy because they're hot? And then it allows them to be trashy?

I mean, I like tattoos. I like, like, you know, uh. Do you think that's hot or trashy? For both. Yeah, yeah. Cause I like, trashy equals fun in a lot of different ways. Like, I don't wanna lie. Where I'm like, I have this idea. I was like, oh, we I like trashy equals fun in a lot of different ways. Like, I don't wanna lie where I'm like, I have this idea, I was like, oh, we shouldn't do that.

I'm like, what the fuck? You know? Yeah, I think when I was younger, I certainly was not opposed to trashy because I should say fun and stuff. As you get older, it's like, the parts of trashy that we get on your nerves is far outweighed, how good the sex is. And also there's just the, oh, I don't need trouble in my life.

So, yes, I, but I certainly look, I never got married, that's really so. Yeah, I can't believe I did. Right. Yeah. I mean, some, some guys don't get married because they don't like girls. And some guys don't get married because they don't like girls. And some guys don't get married because they like them a lot. Yeah. And so no saint here, but yeah, trash, that is something. How old are you?

I'm 34. Yeah, you can still do it. Yeah. No, you transition at the right time. That's it. Yeah, you know, you sold your wild oats. I really did. And then you really did.

Yeah, you got it out of your system. And I think women can get it out of the good. And then you really, yeah. You got it out of your sister. And I think women can get it out of the system. And then there are men like me who like, no, I realize there's a certain point in my life. Oh, I see. This is never going out of my system. This is my system. And that's fine too.

I mean, again, I thought I just got exhausted after all. I mean, and he's also just the right guy. He's very, he lets cat do cat. He's very cool. He's very secure in himself. And he's works in finance. He's from a great family. Like he went to boarding school,

which I didn't even realize was a thing. Well, two are gonna have a kid. Yeah, we're gonna have a kid. It's gonna be crazy, you know? But like he had no... Well, do it now because, you know, 34 is, it's, you know, it's not too old, but it's not exactly what Mother Nature fully intended.

No, it's a geriatric pregnancy. I've already gotten science involved. Really? I mean, I have the nine frozen kids, because I'm just like, I don't wanna do it. And it's like, how crazy is that though? There's just like nine embryos on ice, because I'm not sure.

So when you go, you're not gonna have nine babies you go, no, you're not going to have nine babies. So, no, they're going to pick one of them. That's the crazy thing. How do you know which one to pick? I don't know which one to pick. I have six boys. I have three girls. Oh, really?

They know me. Oh, I see. They know at that stage. And do you get to look into a glass case like you do at a jewelry store and say, that's the thing is I want that one. I think that one is going to be a genius and that one. I wanna just try to get pregnant the sex way and then I'll have even more extra kids.

I have no idea how they pick. Oh, I see. I have no idea which is a little weird. But you froze them because you thought maybe you couldn't have it the other way. Yeah, like what if I wanna have kids? Cause I had no idea if I was fertile, not some birth control my whole life.

And also what if I wanna wait? Like this way, if I wanted to, I could had no idea if I was fertile and not some birth control my whole life. And also, what if I want to wait? Like, this way, if I wanted to, I could have a kid when I was like 50. Where do they storm? Like in a freezer somewhere. Yeah, I've never seen, I don't, I don't know. I don't know. You don't know.

No, but like, is it, it must be someplace very secure. And I'm hoping that when the power goes out, they have some sort of generator, because you know, you wouldn't want the kid to melt. No, I would not, exactly. I really don't know. It's just one of those things. It's one of those things that you do,

and it's so weird. And it's so weird, but doctors can just explain everything in like a calm, cool, clinical way, whether you're like creating a frozen kid deferies or like somebody's dying. The doctors are like, okay, so. And then they think you feel like everything's normal.

Well, that's part of the problem with the American medical system is that doctors do make you feel like they have the answers and they don't. No, they don't. They don't. Not always. Not to go back to 7,000 rare diseases. Yeah.

But not usually. I mean, look, if it's something obvious like a broken leg, yes. Anything the least but complicated, doctors or guessers. Are they better guessers percentage of the time than the average person because they went to medical school? Yes, they are. They also just get a lot wrong,

not because it's their fault. We just don't know that much. We just don't. They're still mapping things in the human body. So something that's like, oh, that's not completely obvious. That's why they say get a second opinion. And then that doesn't even match the first one. Club random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at radioactive media. So it's May and that means Mother's Day is close.

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to examine the lives behind the real players, and dig deeper into circumstances of the case. Stream Love and Death podcast on HBO Max and check out the official Love and Death podcast on HBO Max and wherever you get your podcasts. I go to the doctor all the time though. For what? Just for everything, like my...

You're a hyper-continue. That's what my husband says, but I'm like, no, I really do have shit that's wrong with me sometimes. Like what? Well, I really do have shit that's wrong with me sometime. Like what? Well, I actually almost died. I had a perforated bowel at an ostomy for five weeks. What happened? My bowel just perforated.

So I had a stomach ache. That was really bad. Your bowel perfect? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in 2020. From a vigorous anal sense? That's the thing. No, apparently not. That's the thing. No, apparently not. That's the thing.

It's no, I asked and they said no. But it could have been that. No, it wasn't that. But it could have been. Well, no, it wasn't. It doesn't, you know. You said that's the thing, like, like, that's the thing. I was enjoying anal sex.

I was like in the middle of the movie. As long as I, enjoying anal sex, why? So, but you thought it might be one of the reasons. I did ask that question. Well, then obviously you're having anal sex. Okay, well, hey, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, the Bible says it is, but between husband and wife, there's no exception.

But what is the policy of Fox? I don't know. Getting fucked in the ass. I'm in my healthy marriage. I don't, not that I know of, otherwise I just violated it. Could that have been part of the Tucker Carlson firing? I have no idea what happened. But you wouldn't rule out anal sex being a part of it. I probably would.

I probably would. I probably would. I mean, so I don't know what happened. It was just 0.001 percent chance to happen to some people. So I had the bag for five weeks it was disgusting what do you mean the clock the clock it was an ostomy oh my so I have a scar right here I can show you it's very small it's not gross right there no it's not gross not gross just a little scar okay and but while I had the bag my husband did so I've sex with me what yeah he's keeper. That guy is a keeper. That's what I mean. He is.

And you know what? Also if any- He fucked you with the bad. Yes. And if anybody like on the internet or in real life ever tried to tell me I'm ugly, I'm like, I had sex with a shit bag. Right.

Like, I'm that level of attractive and you don't even have your face on your fucking profile No, you're very attractive. Well, thank you. I'm wearing a five pounds of fake hair But even without I think you're very attractive, but I got to tell you I would not fuck you with the bag I mean that that your house gets a much higher grade I mean, that that your how it gets like much higher grade. Yeah. Because that is some, that's some serious devotion. It really is, but the hospital.

I would even let you live in the house. I do. I'd be like, honey, I'm gonna pay for the four seasons for six weeks. It's just hang out there. And when the bag's gone, you come right back home. He would empty it for me because I couldn't look at. I was disgusted with it.

It's so gross. It's on your own. But you know, it's, you know, it's, but what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I threw it. What are you gonna do? You're gonna shit in the bag. You have to.

And after I was out, I threw myself a party called Cats Out of the Bag. And we had, we had these unused ostomy bags. We're already open, like the bags so they got the hole in it for your intestine and then the hole that, you know, whatever to dump it in. Well, go back, your intestine goes in the bag? Yeah, I thought it was a valve too.

It's your actual small intestine that's out. Is in the bag? Yeah. Why is it in your body? Because, so I learned a lot about the digestive system. So my colon is the large intestine, had a hole in it so they can't because it'll become septic. I can get a hole in your colon. I have no idea.

It only had the back for five weeks. It was really minor. It was something. I don't think that's for manual sex because because I don't know how it I'd never had it sex. Somebody would have to have a needle dick to put a hole in it. And also it's you don't go all the way after the cold. I already told you it wasn't from anal sex. You really wanted that to be a headline. No, it took a Carlson was fired for anal sex.

That we've established. That's what you've established. But, so yeah, so it goes, there's like a- Is it something you ate? Like you did, like- I could be. It was a fun time. I had had a colonoscopy a few weeks prior.

It could have been something there. I really don't know. It was a whole, it wasn't. You went way to sex. Yeah. Excuse me, Sherlock Holmes. You had a colonoscopy. I probably was.

It was a few weeks before that. Yes. Because it was a small tear that didn't heal or got infected. Or yes, that's how exactly, of course it was the colonoscopy. Yeah, that's what I think, that's probably, maybe. Okay, you know, but I did the cat, the ostomy bag, again, one goes here, one goes out.

So what we did is we poured champagne into the unused ostomy bags, like the extra ones, we bombed champagne out of them to celebrate. So like, whoa. That was, you know what, if you had a shit bag, if you you would have shit bag you'd be finding ways to feel better about it No, I'm man Well, I'm glad you're better and you're all better. I'm all better all my insides are inside right yeah, right Well, you know this happened to you're relatively young so your body strong and yeah, know, can regenerate and yeah, I mean,

it's terrible. You had to go through that boy. I'm not going to say don't ever have a colonoscopy. But I will say this, because I apparently never seem to tire of pontificating about the American medical system, but it deserves it. And that is, there is just way too much testing. Yeah, I love to get out of the test. I'm like, give me the test. If I could get from drawn every day, I'd do it. Let's go. Let's fucking go.

How's my lipid panel house? I want to know. Okay, you've got to get over this. Psycho, I get it. Yeah, because first of all, I get it. Yeah. Because first of all, I'm telling you, testing is not always benign. It's usually some part of it is somewhat less than benign. Usually it doesn't hurt you too much.

Does it just X-ray hurt you? Yes. And when they say, oh, you know, we know this amount of radiation. You don't know shit. You don't know shit. You don't know what causes cancer. Could this combine with a thousand other things you're not sure about be the reason?

I don't know. You don't know my genetics. Maybe some people can get a lot of chest X rays in their fine. And other people it is going to affect them. You don't know shit. What I do know is the more testing and probing they do in you, there is also probably some risk every time with all of them.

And so, yes, is it a God's end that we have them, of course, because sometimes you need, and it's great that they're not just guessing, like, wizards in this f.c.c.a.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t.t the drugs were better. They let you do whatever you want. But like people who like this way, just way too much testing in America. I'm that person. I'm like, I gotta get my blood work. I gotta get this done. I gotta get that done.

But I mean, if I wouldn't have gone to the hospital that day, I would have been dead. That's why people come to Club random cat so I can straighten out their lives. So that's true. We established you married the right guy. I did. I did.

I did. But the shitbag fucker. The shitbag fucker. Again, we were just engaged at that point and I was like, this is the best. I was like, but I had a belt to hold the bag in place like a spandex belt to hold it. Because you know, you don't want it. You know what? Now that you know he'll do that, I think know, you don't want it. You know what? Now that you know he'll do that, I think you should test him a little further.

Like, yeah. Like, some night eat the wrong things, throw up in your mouth. Yeah. And then see if he'll French kiss you and like, you know. He would have to. He would have, I mean- We throw up in your mouth. I mean, I think he, I mean, that would be less disgusting than that.

I think we could debate that. Really? Kissing someone with throw up, French kissing someone with throw up in their mouth. I mean, oh, look. I mean, college, I mean, a lot of people probably have done it, but they don't know it. Look, when you're a shitbag, fucker.

I mean, certainly it's not the norm, but you're not actually fucking in the shit bag. You're fucking in the vagina and the shit bag is to the side. No, but instructions for sex post-shit bag was all bold, all capitalized, underlined, do not attempt to penetrate stoma. And that's the fucking intestine, the ostomy. And that must mean people did try to fuck it. Fuck what?

Okay, so your small intestine comes up it there was more of the instructions oh m g people are sick people oh my god but that's not oh my god I can't eat why was it bolded no it was bolded because somebody did it because more than one somebody did it. First they did caps. You're totally right. First they did caps and they were like, okay, they're not getting the point, let's fucking bold it.

You are totally right about that. I'm really, I'm really blinded. Like stop fucking the intestine. Like, but like, you know, everybody's looking for something new and freaky. Humans, and when I say humans, in this sense, I mostly say men. Yeah. We'll just fuck anything.

Anything. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They will fuck you back him cleaner. They fuck children. They fucking testons. Did you ever see the movie crashed? I don't watch movies because they're too long. We'll get to that in a minute.

Yeah. David Cronenberg, interesting director, not mainstream, but he kept making movies. The fly was a hit. Okay, so this was about people who reenact famous car crashes on purpose. And it turns them on. Someone in this movie fucked, I think it's Rosanna Arquette's wound.

She has like a big wound on her leg, and it's like this, and it's- Was she was alive or dead? No, she's alive. They reenact these car crashes, and they get hurt in them, because they're car crashes. And then this is sexual.

And- And people eat popcorn and watch this. Yeah, I taught in the theater. I don't know if I made it to the end. Yeah, movies are too much commitment for me and general. You don't watch movies? No, I really don't. I don't watch movies at all. Why don't you watch them?

I don't watch usually when I watch movies, it's at home. And I don't watch the whole movie at once. Like, something has to really be amazing to get- Like Happy Gilmore. So my favorite movie. Oh my god. Well, I love Adam's Adam. I do too.

But, okay, so watch movies like I had this conversation with somebody here and they were saying, you know, watch it all at once. I said, do you read a whole book all at once? No, you read a chapter. That's how I watch movies. Watch a half hour or 15 minutes each night. Why, how can you not watch movies?

Yeah, I know. I don't remember the last movie that I saw, honestly. I don't know any cultural references. What do you do? At night, what do you like, what do you do? And most people are watching movies. What are you doing? Oh, I mean, I watch TV.

Like, I watch reality TV. I like to watch trash. I like to be like, your life is a disaster. What'd you grew up in, West Virginia? No, I grew up in the Detroit area. I love Detroit. I love Detroit. Detroit is an amazing place full of amazing people.

It is. Look at all the musicians. Yes. From all, from Motown to Kid Rock. It's amazing. You know, the Bob Seeger. Oh, I mean, yes, Motown. Yeah, Motown. But I mean Detroit itself is just like, yeah, it's, it's like all the different strands of America. It really is. And it's my favorite place in the world. So you grew up outside of Detroit? So I moved all around until I was in like the area until I was like first or second grade. Then we moved to a suburb called McComb Michigan, just middle class suburb.

But my mom grew up in Hamtramik, which is like this Polish neighborhood, like in the city basically. I mean, now it's all Muslim, but it was Polish and English to start. Really? Yeah. And I spent a lot of time there growing up. like in the city basically, I mean now it's all Muslim, but it was Polish immigrants to start, yeah. And I spent a lot of time there growing up. So I learned a lot of things like how to drown a rat and stuff like that. That I think all the other kids didn't really learn.

And it was fun, like they float. Like when they float, they're done, the rats. Oh, I thought you meant a kid who was. No, my, see my grandma had a big rat problem because all the factories closed and the rats had Oh, I thought you meant a kid who. No, see my grandma had a big rat problem because all the factories closed and the rats had nowhere to live. So they ran out to all the houses. This sounds like you ever see, oh no, you didn't.

No, is it a movie? Or did it? Yeah, could I recommend one movie for you? Okay. Will you watch it? Okay. You'll love it. Okay, what is it?

You'll enjoy it. Okay. What is wrong with you? So many things. How much time do you have? I'm free. Grand Torino. Okay.

It's Clint Eastwood. I've heard of it. Clint Eastwood is a movie star. He's now in his 90s. Somehow he's still making movies, which is getting a little ridiculous, and I'm a huge fan. But the last one, he played a 90 year old bounty hunter. And it's, I just, you know, it's like,

eh, you know, he's not bad in the scenes. I mean, he's, but come on, you know, come on. I haven't seen him in a while. Clint Eastwood, I couldn't be a bigger fan of. What an amazing filmmaker. Anyway, he made this movie when he was like, oh, I don't know, 75. He's, you know, this guy's a me.

He's, it's about Detroit. I see it in Am salt. And the changing neighborhood. He's like the old guy who was there in the 50s when it was all white. And now he lives next door to a family from, I think they're from Cambodia. Yeah.

You know, there's some Asian minority. Or it's a, yeah, or a Laos. It's the Hmong people who were people who we brought over after the Vietnam War because we just placed so many people obviously with the Hmong Nam War. So now he's living in a neighborhood with the Hmong people and it's hysterically funny, very unpolitically correct. I know you will like it for that reason.

This guy, but of course, the beauty of the story is they learn to love each other and he comes to them as a savior at the end. I mean, I'm on a ruin. But it's a beautiful, great, funny, not politically correct, heart-felt movie. And I firmly recommend it. I'll watch it.

Great. Well, these are tough for me though. Grant, Serena. I've never seen all Great. These are tough for me though. Grants are enough. I've never seen all the movies you're supposed to see, like Titanic. That's another great one. I never saw Star Wars. I got in a big star Wars.

Star Wars, I can't. The biggest scandal, the biggest scandal, like backlash I ever had to anything I've said in my whole life was when I made a joke about Star Wars, like I had to get the police involved. I said that I'd never seen Star Wars because I've been too busy liking cool things and being attractive. It gets struck and nerve. when I made a joke about Star Wars, like I had to get the police involved. I said that I'd never seen Star Wars because I've been too busy liking cool things

and being attractive, and it gets struck and nerve. Look, I am the same way. And I'm sure it's genius, and George Lucas is a great filmmaker, but I just have never been able to. It's just, there's something about it. It just doesn't get. Yucky, I just, it's yucky. Try to watch the first one. I know it's great and classic.

And it's such a cultural phenomenon. And then I know shit about it. I don't. That, I know Luke Skywalker. Exactly, you know that. You know Darth Vader. He, Darth Vader's his dad. Darth you are my dad.

But like why is that scandalous? Like did Darth Vader bang somebody's mom? You know what. You know Darth Vader. He, Darth Vader's his dad. Darth you are my dad. But like why is that scandalous? Like did Darth Vader bang somebody's mom? You know what I call that? What? Mind rape. Mind rape? Mind rape? Mind rape is when you know something.

I did not. Against my will. Exactly. Yeah. I did not ask to know this. I didn't ask to know this. I was mind raped. I mean, I know a lot of things about Star Wars.

I know like in a galaxy far far, I didn't ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know there's something called an Obi-Wan Kenobi, but I don't know what it is. But job at the hut. Don't know what that is either. The Star Wars bar and, yeah. And then I've even caught parts of,

okay, maybe if you don't know the plot, you'll lost, but I've watched it at times like oh there's I say Star Wars episode nine the revenge of The what the fuck the revenge we're gonna kill you bitch I tried to watch and I'm like really I don't know it just that's what must what must attract them is what I Just doesn't do it for me. Yeah. But, um... But it's just weird what people can get pissed off about. I don't know.

What you say if you're just joking around, you know. What do you follow that? Do you follow your social media? No, I don't. Just sometimes it's undeniable. I mean, very recently, the biggest thing of all the things I've talked about, my shitbag, which by the way, I had complications in the reversal where I was bleeding out my ass really bad,

I needed a transfusion, and that was on January 6th, like the January 6th. All the stuff I've talked about publicly, the one thing that I got massive backlash was a joke I made about LaCrosse, which all I said was, it's not a sport. And I said it's just an arena of people masturbating to how rich their families are.

Oh wow. Well, because I'm here. It's like a liberal joke. Because I married a D1 lacrosse player. But that's like a liberal joke. Yeah. That's why they get mad at you. Yeah.

Because you're unfoxed and you made a joke that a liberal would make. And they were fact checking it. They're like, well, my dad was an electrician and I played lacrosse. When you, I really just want to tell people to fuck off so hard when they fact fact checking it. They're like, well, my dad was an electrician and I played the cross. When you, I really just want to tell people to fuck off so hard when they fact check your jokes. Well, say this is joke.

And you know the guy that I'm talking about, and I also married that guy, so clearly I'm okay with that. So you do understand why, what I'm talking about. Yeah, I do. I struggle with it every day. Okay, but that's it. And in this America, it's very, very hard to not be on a team.

I know that. Well, but you're perceived as that. Exactly. You're un-fox. Right. So if you're un-fox, you're on a team. Right. So, yeah, there's, if a liberal, if, you know, I don't know,

some liberal host had made that joke, there would be nothing, it would be a mild laugh followed by nothing because it would just be, here's, and this is what's wrong with America, it would just be great joke to me or, however, because it confirms what I believe. White privilege.

La Crosse equals white privilege somehow, and maybe it does. I don't know. I don't know. I know it was invented by the Indians, but I guess we stole it. Colonizers. Blah, blah, blah. And that's why it would be like,

we love this joke on this side. And on your side, we hate this joke, because... Well, and it's like, it's just... I told it on Barstool, which... I could stoop it, country. I told it on Barstool, which, I mean, the context, and I love Barstool, I used to work there,

I think they're great. But like, nobody bothered to, oh yeah, she actually married a D1 lacrosse player, you know, like, she's not, she doesn't actually think I'm a bad, and you have a production company? Do I have a production company? Yeah. Not yet. Well, when you do, I think it should be called bleeding out of my ass product.

Dude, that was my January 2021. Like that was bleeding out of my ass. Because no one's using that. Nope. You all met. You all met. You all know. You all shit back. I was shit back.

That's chapter five of my book called shit back. Bleeding out of my ass. Chapter five of my book is called shit bag. And you know, it's called shit bag. And it's about the shit bag. It's about my January 6th shit bag. By the way, I saw a shit bag at the Roxie about three years ago. A colostomy or in the ostomy.

Oh, no, a shit bag. They were on that night. And when you see them in a small room, yeah, yeah. That's man. You know what? But again, I love what you said because people could be like, oh, Bill Maher's conservative, just because you say like one thing.

That's like not what you're supposed to say. Oh, I do. Because I deal with the same. I do with the same. More than what. I deal with the same shit in the reversal, right? Because I'm not conservative enough sometimes for the Fox viewers because I'm not conservative. I'm libertarian.

And that's actually a real difference if you're an actual libertarian. And then everybody who's not a Fox viewer is like, you she works at Fox, like you. When I'm at a party and people don't know who I am and they ask me what I do, I just say porn. Because that's fucking... And they're like, oh, we're proud of you.

Because it's a way less controversial than being like, I've got fots. You look like you could be a porn. Absolutely, I do. You do. Slammed her. Or side you, you know. But this is a very padded bra. Like, this is how I've had to sit.

That doesn't matter. But yeah, but that's like the thing now. Yeah, well, I mean, you got a diff, there's all neat needs neat, all needs are served on Pornhub. And some of them are for, I mean, this is more my preference than I'm not never been the Hourglass figure coming down. Really? Yeah, I have no titties.

I have my bra sizes double mastectomy. Well, you've already got a name for your production company, so I'll have to ask for that. No, bleeding out of my ass. Sorry, fuck. Shippee. I'm going to need someone to help with the market. Yeah, no.

But you don't want that bother you because I mean, you have a duck pond and you're super rich. I don't own property yet. Well, it isn't duck pond, but it used to be a pool. It used to be a pool. But that's the thing, you're so rich, you need to give a shit that there's ducks in your ropes. Well, it's not your problem.

No, I'm so rich and I have another pool. Exactly. I don't even own property. I rent a fucking apartment. Really? Yeah. But what about a shit bag, fucker? What is he doing?

My husband, I mean, we will, like, he actually, I guess we got married. He owns an apartment in Nashville. He's a landlord. So I guess that's like part of mine now. But we don't want to, like, he actually, I guess we got married. He owns an apartment in Nashville. He's a landlord. So I guess that's like part of mine now. But we don't want to, like, we want to buy on New York. It's like, do we have a baby? Where do you put the baby? You must be making good money or on television every night. I'm on television, but then the government takes half my money, which, which,

which, it's, which fucking sucks. And I don't believe in taxes, because I think it's armed robbery. And I know, must believe in some taxes or I don't actually, I don't actually, it's stupid. That's okay. But can you agree that it's a moral though? So stupid. It's a moral. It's so stupid. Cat. Okay. I get what you're saying, but it's a moral. To take someone's money. It's not without without their consent. Okay. Well, you know what? There's I got a place for you. There's no taxes. It's called Somalia. And I think you should move there. I'd be very president of Somalia. Well, they don't have a president because it's just lawless.

And there are gangs and militias who fight each other and terrorize the population because they don't have money from taxes to hire a police force or an army. But see, this is where when I first got into television, they labeled me a libertarian and there are parts of, because I was a pot smoker and I was single so okay, I'm, I did not fight the label. I mean, there are parts of my philosophy still that I would label as libertarian, which is people should be able to do whatever they want, as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else. Now, you get to something like COVID, and that becomes a debate, because obviously COVID can hurt somebody else.

I understand why we're debating that. I just come down a little differently than the people on the super safety left. But there could be another pathogen that came along, and I would be much more on that page. But anyway, but Libertarian, I never embraced what the full libertarian thing was, which is sounds like where you are

because I thought it was just intensely stupid. You cannot have a society that functions and all the things you enjoy in life without taxes. Now, do they waste money? Yes. Should they be able to transfer it without doing it in a leaky bucket, yes. Lots of things should, but you can't live

in a functional society without taxes. It's like primitive. It's just, it's just, you know, you're more sophisticated. I think you, I do, I understand what you're saying. It's just dumb. I think that people, it's like anarchy. It's like for anarchy, another dumb idea. But I'm not talking about policy though, do you know what I'm saying?

All I'm saying is that I think it's a moral. I think it's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral.

It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral.

It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's not moral. It's the best, as Churchill said, it's the worst system except for all the others. Yeah, well, I mean, at this point, and I just think the amount of money that I pay in time. And I see. Everybody thinks that. Everybody thinks that. Everybody thinks that. Paying too much taxes.

Yes, we're paying a lot of taxes. And what are you getting for it? Yeah. Exactly. Well, let me answer the question. Look around the world and see how other people live in what they have to put up with. Yes, I pissed off attacks as two,

and especially California, which is the ultimate make your asshole bleed stint. Is there a duck pond tax? No. Did somebody look at your pool? Because now you've changed my mind. Now I'm super left wing. now I'm a socialist, and I look at your pool and the ducks in it.

And I'm like, you know what? I own this pool now, and this is the government pool. I got it. I got it. Vrispoll, Gavin Newsom is working on a duck cat. But I got to tell you, those ducks, those ducks came into my life. Do you love them?

I didn't ask for ducks. Did you name them? Well, yes. I knew it. I knew it. Onyx and Ducky. Oh, I knew it. They came into my life about six months ago.

One day they were just there in the pool. Yeah, six months. And yeah, they've been there about, yeah, I think about six months. She's already had a children. I was going to ask you about that. Yeah, we can't wait to have them, have them bring them over, but I think they're still in the nest.

There's a camera there. We, the male, Onyx is a real bad-ass because other ducks came by, seeing what a good deal it was. And try to, they fight him every day, trying to get, I guess, him to give up the pool. And he, first, he beats them back and then he fucks Ducky. I'm not kidding.

Dude, that's like a whole Bravo reality show going on in your pool. I would use my other pool too. What I worry is what if the ducks go in the other pool, because they can't have both pools? Because they're gonna expand. Well, I need a pool. They're gonna expand their territory.

Like, look at most of history. No, no, for some reason I don't think. They're gonna colonize your other pool. Colonize yours exactly. That, you know, but that's, you know, have you like Googled, winner of the baby's gonna be born? Like, have you looked into that? Well, my friend who lives up here does.

He, he, he absolutely. You have a bird keeper? No. No. No. No, I have someone who does the things I can't do in life, which is everything but tell jokes. And get off.

I see that's what I'm working on too, because I can't do fucking anything. I can't do any normal human shit. But you're a girl, you're not supposed to. I get that. See, that's what I'm working on too, because I can't do fucking anything. I can't do any normal human shit. But you're a girl, you're not supposed to. I get that. I get that. No, I don't want to drive. I don't want to drive.

I'm bad at it. No, but girls still, well, I can tribute just like me. I'm sorry, I mean, I mean, menstruating people. Don't you have it. They still want the guy to kill the spider and you know. Oh, know, I love bugs, but I'm a weirdo. Yes, you are. Yeah. You love bugs?

Yeah, I mean, you don't watch movies and you love... When I was little, I love bugs, bro. I love that. I got another movie for you. Okay. A Rack N' Vovia. Okay, I did. That one I've seen.

I've not seen Star Wars, but I've seen a Rack N' Vovia, and I was on the spider side. I was like, you need to start one of those best life. See, you like bugs. I did, I had a pet cricket named Charlie, because my mom and dad would let me have any other pets, because my brother's allergies, until I left the house, and then they got a poodle. And he was my pet cricket,

and my mom ran over him with the van. And what was wrong with me as a child that I was so attached to a bug, I don't know. Well, did you have pets going up like in your house? A dog. I had almost the opposite situation. I collected butterflies for a couple of years. Like that's what I guess they collected.

Like you taped that. Well, you know what? I feel terrible about it to this day. Here's what we would do. This is, I mean, I'm talking about when I was like, maybe five or six years old, a very young. Okay, so I guess I got a butterfly net. First of all, just in case people think that global warming...

You think this is why you're gonna be canceled that you killed a butterfly? No, I don't think that's why. Well, there'll be a reason, but that's not it. No, but I feel bad, personally. But here's, so like, for anyone who thinks global warming is, you know, a hoax or whatever, I got to tell you, when I was a kid, there was much more life. Like,

I live in the suburbs here. This is most of LA is the suburbs. There's downtown, but we all live in it. It looks... You are the suburbs. You have the suburbs. Yeah, there's greenery and it's beautiful. Okay, that's not when I was a kid. I grew up in the suburbs. Yeah, it wasn't that nice, but it was like, there was a lawn and there was trees. Where'd you grow up?

New Jersey. And life was teeming. Like, there was just much more life. More birds, more butterflies, definitely more insects. And you'd smell sap. And like, there was just fireflies, which I never see, there was just more life, things that were, we are slowly killing everything

as homo sapiens do, there are just the ultimate of the certain killings. Yes, we are. But I contributed to this because I collected that was a thing, I don't know, again, I was really young, and you would catch them in the net. I remember the different types, the tiger swallowtail, the black swallowtail, the monarchs, they were beautiful.

And then you would take it home and you'd put it in the killing jar. There was a fucking jar and I could smell it. It was well, I did. The fact that you smelled it is the only sick thing you've said so far. Well, you couldn't help you, opened it and ate my mother,

but you didn't want this smell. Would you be mother, jelly doll. But did you like this smell? No. Would you be like, do it? It's poison, I think, man. Even at five, I got it. Would you snort it? No, it's killing the butterfly. I was not into drugs yet.

And then after the butterflies were dead, then like my father remembers, I remember seeing him, said at the dining room table, and he would mount them, and we'd hung them on the wall, you know, like in glass cases. But I feel bad about it.

Why? Because of your duck friend? Because I killed Butterfly. What happened to ducks? I was a fucking, I was the iceman of my block for Butterflies. I fucking, after certain points, like, okay, we have. But aren't men like hunters and gatherers, right? Well, I...

Maybe you were gonna kill those butterflies to feed your family. I mean, I don't know if men are hunters and gathers, but I don't even know. But I do believe in me, Torres St. Eugene. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, with the exception of when you have a callus

to be back. Yeah, look, I was a real woman. And just because I had an extra hole, that didn't make me, that may be actually more of a woman If you have some people There's a four hole You have some people it's an opportunity absolutely, you know, I'm my alarm I'm crazy with these alarms. I have alarms. I go off all the fucking time and it gives everybody

Without your phone. No, I actually, I can't. I have to wrap this up anyway. I don't want to wrap it up, but okay. I don't need it there, but I hate the phone. I turned it off, actually. I turned it completely off. What are you plugging? What are my plugging?

Your book. Yeah. All right, me first. Or you first. Now let's do yours last, so it has more of an impact. Okay, center stage used to be the Hard Rock Live in Northfield, Ohio, May 20th, May 21st, I'm at the Mystic Showroom in Mystic Lake, Minnesota. Perfect place to go in May. June 3rd, the Met Philadelphia, and the Win Creek Event Center

in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, June 4th. What are you doing? Cat lives in an apartment, but soon'll be living in a big mansion? I want a duck pond. I want to be like, I don't give a shit about this pool. I got another pool. So how do I get it rich? What's your best advice for getting a rich before I plug anything?

Well, I think you're on the right path, actually. Really? I'm getting old too, especially for a check because as a 34 year old woman, I'm actually older than you. I need to be like 23 to catch any heat now. Yeah, but you know what? You're in a great place.

But 34, are you kidding? I was 37 when I started with unpolitically incorrect. But as a man. Right, that's true. But first of all, you're, look, you're not, you're not in movies. You're not even watching them. You're in TV and you're in TV comedy news TV.

I mean, the scales of hotness, I mean, you're doing great. Okay. I mean, for that level, you're a 10. Okay, that's great. You're a comedy news 10. Yeah. That's gonna serve you very well.

In my duck mind. I'm sure there are lots of Fox news watching nerds who already you're their secret girlfriend. I don't wanna go into graphic detail, but they're fucking you're in testimony. In their mind. I understand. I mean, And when they hear this tonight. And this is good.

But what a good sport. I mean, a lot of girls, we talked about him being a hero. A lot of women wouldn't want to have sex during the intestine out of the body. Oh, I want sex too much. Yeah. Even your mustache. Right. Well, I mean, if you're intestine tanked, exactly. I mean, was that not clear?

You're still horny. That I'm down to fuck with my small and deserts and out. And not though it involuntarily comes out. Like it's, but it's also liquid. It's whatever. But I bought a belt for it from this company. I forget what it's called, like, ostimates.

They're like ostomy intimates or something. I wish I could plug the company because they helped me out. No, you're on a great trajectory. Yeah. Telling you, I know, I've been there, I know television, I know people. It's a big talent, it's bought a big talent. Oh, you're a massive talent. Here's my plug, plug in my book.

Let me see this. You can't joke about that. I got to tell you. I'll ever took that picture. I get a new person. Yeah, I know. I look like I have a bunch of chins. You just, you look so much better than you do on this cover. Well, thank you. Well, but also that sucks, but I look way better on the back part. It does suck.

Slightly better. But that's, you're supposed to look worse in person. Really? Who can't make a person look better in a photograph? Well, I'm not a coffin. The whole world. What's the best you've looked at? The whole thing on a coffin.

That's not a, nothing to do. I didn't even notice the coffin. Yeah. Seriously, this whole country is built on people sharing pictures of each other that are not realistic. That's what I thought. Always in the favor of the picture. No, that's what I thought.

That's what I thought. And they can't make you look better. You come up here and you look way better than the book. No, I agree with that. Picture on the book. I agree with that, but I was also tired of answering emails that day, number one. And then number two, I was also kind of like, well, maybe I'll see more approachable if

I look not as attractive. Yeah, well, that's it. I looked at that and I thought, oh, that's the theory is that, oh, this will alienate women because women can be, you know, like look at daytime TV. They love it when you're fat or unless they are preferably both. What they don't want is the hot chick hosting a show. So that's like, I thought, oh, okay, this is to put the women at ease.

I'm frumpy too. That was the reason I was a gay, that actually, which sounds fucked up. But also, I'm like, I am wearing a lot of fake hair right now, for sure. Who, what's your opinion? Who exactly? Exactly. Exactly, exactly.

Nobody grows their hair themselves. Well, I mean, like men don't, men. At some point, every man learns to say, not to say to a woman, is that your hair? Because the answer is always, if it's on my head, it's my head. I bought it, I bought it. Exactly.

But, you know, it's like, a guy's can't even tell about when I take out the hair. They don't really care that much about it. Exactly. But, you know, it's like, guys can't even tell about when I take out the hair. They don't really care that much about it. No guy is ever gonna be like, oh, like, you know, this girl over here is so her fucking hair is so much volume, bro. What a fuck this girl. It's, they don't, except,

except for one guy that I went on a first date with who I told him my hair was fake. And he was like, oh, that must mean that you're not, like, I've really full hair as a sign of fertility. I would love to fucking ask him if he wants to hang out and then just drive him to see my nine frozen kids. Okay. All right, well, good luck with that.

I gotta go back to work, my real job. Oh, okay, well, thanks for inviting me. I gotta go back to work, my real job. Oh, okay, well thanks for inviting me. Oh, it's a pleasure. I know you flew out here just to see us. That's a very, very flattered and appreciative that you did that. I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,

really, really, really, really, really, really, really, well, we'll do it again. I know, I'm like, what? And you are around a great path. I'm telling you. Thank you so much. You'll do it again. I know. I'm like, what? And you are around a great path. I'm counting it. Thank you so much. You're in a great place.

34. Yes. 9 Frozen Kids. With a rock n' number one book. Club Ragnar.