Club Random with Bill Maher - Kathy Griffin | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: May 22, 2023

Bill Maher and Kathy Griffin on why Kathy makes everything a battle, Kathy’s fight with MAGA nation, what it’s like to be cancelled, how the Trump photo happened, the brilliance of Joe Rogan, the upsetting Kennedy scene in the Marilyn Monroe movie, all the people who sued Kathy, and Bill’s pitch for a TV show for Kathy. 

Climb and out. Oh, they always hide here. Where is she? Oh, fuck you. Bill, it's here. Thank God you're here. You're in the corner. Hello, darling.

Hello, sweetheart. Come here. How are you? How have you been? I'm okay. Yeah? I know. You've had your ups and downs.

And I have. But I never, everything they get you down. No, really. You're not the type to go down. You're just a fighter. Oh, your whole thing is, I mean, not your whole thing, you're historically funny, but you're a fighter. So I never really worried about you.

The bad thing is I'm a street fighter. So along the way, I've made some enemies, but I'm trying to turn it to more of a strategic fighter. That would be great. And it's 62 years young. I'm really gonna change this time. I really am. That's a great thing to say because,

first of all, you can never get to any age where you go, oh, I've stopped, especially when it's about making mistakes. Yeah. I do the same thing. I look back even five, 10 years ago, oh, I want to dumbass thing I did. The stuff I would, by the way, I want to dumbass thing I did. The stuff I would say, by the way, I thought I was doing it for like the work,

but like the stuff I thought I, I thought everything was a battle. I thought whether it's a piece of the set dressing that I feel strongly about, or you know, whatever, my own writing, and looking back, not everything was the same level battle that I kind of treated it like. That's funny that you, that's great.

Also great that you recognize that because that's exactly how I saw you. As, why does this girl make everything a battle? She, she, I've thought you must like it because you're always doing really. You know, who fights with the left and the right? Very few. I do. But, you know, I guess I'm crazy too, but I mean to the point of getting canceled by both.

Yeah. And by the way, canceled is sort of an adorable way of putting it. Remember, he was under investigation by the Department of Justice, the US Attorney's Office, the Secret Service, you know, no fly list. That's so interesting. But also, look, Attorney's Office, the Secret Service, you know, no fly list. That's so interesting.

But also, look, as you know, it's not that hard to scare off buyers. And the buyers really, I think until maybe just very recently have been scared off. Buyers of what? Yeah, like the buyers, like the networks, the streamers. Oh, people who might buy the Kathy Griffin Brut. Yeah, buy the Kathy Griffin, but also even to feel safe having Kathy Griffin at their theater. You know what I mean?

Of course. So. No, I know you, when you did the Trump picture, I mean, which God, you know, when you look back on it, when you look back at my 9-11 thing and it all just seems surreal and so, I mean, I thought it was stupid at the time and I thought what they did to you was stupid at the time and I remember I had you want to say that.

But when you look back it's even stupid. Yeah, and compared to the other stuff that we should have been focusing on, it was the classic. The paranoia of just also what's so annoying about that is it's what I hate about our culture, robotic things, you know, TSA, things where like, oh, you know, if you handled this like a human, like the Israeli's handle security, I remember being in Israel and going through security and I had a thermos that looked just like the bottom of a bomb. Now if this was the TSA, it's just like, are you kidding? They just go by the rules. We only know this rule. And the rule is, if you take a picture with

Trump's head, you're a dangerous person. Whereas like in Israel, when they found the thing, this very intelligent, and in Israel, they are ex-military intelligence who do this at the airport, interrogated, made interrogated, asked me like eight questions and was like, okay, I'm an intelligent person. I say this is an American comedian. He's making a movie over here. This is really as a thermos facereal. Yeah. They could just tell because they're using their mind.

Yeah. And supposed to what happened to you is more examples of that. No, we're robots. This is the rule and we're. She's going to cause beheadings in an innumerable fashion. Well more than you can ever imagine and she is just as she is no different than a bride devices. She's Catholic or from bride devices.

How do you know that was the shit? No, I'm only eating baby parts with you Hillary Clinton and Tom Hanks. And by the way, Seth Green, did you know the cues have been going for poor Seth Green? No, why? They think that for some reason, Seth Green, they think he was like one of the original people at Comed Pizza in the basement with Hillary harvesting baby parts.

And I've talked to Seth about like, what it's like to have the whole Q world not just come at you. Seth Green, voice of Chris Griffin. Yes. Yes, from what the teen movies with red hairs, a photo ginger. Sure, I do.

Yeah. But they're convinced Tom Angst is harvesting the baby parts. Yeah. And that's that shit didn't happen seven years ago. I'm just telling you, my whole career for the crap I got in trouble with, I went this too far with a celebrity, whatever. Nothing like the stuff. I think when historians look back on this period and they write about it, from many years later, they won't be where we are, where we're in the pits of it, so everything is binary and we see

the left and the right. They will just look from their vantage point and see America win crazy and that everything that the left did or whoever started it and the right's reaction and the left's reaction to that was sort of a cause and effect whereas if you're this crazy, we're gonna get this crazy about our shit. Yeah. You know, so-

By the way, God willing, people see that, because I am terrified in what do we do with this world that is devoid of opinions? It's just designing this fact as a fact and this fact isn't a fact. Right. But I mean, this kind of thing, what you're talking about, like the, okay, they're going to, the historians are going gonna go like, yes, at a certain point, so many percentage of the Republicans thought Republicans were eating babies.

And the democratic responses, we're going to insist that it's possible for every man to be pregnant. That's gonna go, oh, I see. I see what happened back in 2020s in America. Now can we please talk about, because you and I share this, we both are childless, therefore heretics. Right.

And what would, how would a young Bill Marr deal with all the new laws if boys could get pregnant too? I mean, Bill Maher. Like how old would you have been when you were knocked up if you were a chick? What's that? Like how old would you have been when you've gotten knocked up when you were a chick? Like do you think you would have gotten knocked up? If I was a woman, yeah.

If I was born a woman. Yeah, like would you get mad, not have kids till you're married? It's, oh God, Kathy, to ask me what would be in my head if I was a woman, I mean, I'm not usually stuck for an answer, but a lot of things. But I'm stuck for it because I'm, you know, I guess I'm very much unlike the so many of the young people today where gender is fluid and it's just always a jump ball

when you're born and you can switch back and forth. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation, really, you identify and then you identify in a different way on mood. I feel like I came from an hour I was just created. Like, I mean, I'm not gonna say I'm a marine or anything, but I am all man. You know, I just do not think like a woman.

I do not act like one or even a gay man, you know. So, I mean, and I know, and I've told you. You'd be like me, you'd just simply be a, and I know and I've told you to be like me who just simply be a female who chose not to have kids. Perhaps. Right. No, I mean, I could have been your doppelganger in many ways. Or in an alter universe we could have been married. That's for 10 were married. We're in our chairs because we're married. But I waited 10 years to marry the dude. So we've been together for 13. We only got married.

And I have to tell you though, our wedding date. Our wedding date was New Year's Eve, because I thought you know after getting canned from CNN, let me have some more positive to like celebrate around New Year's. So that part was great. And the best part is we did it New Year's Eve 2020, convinced 2020 was gonna be the greatest year.

And then the next storm. Right, and then the next storm. How did that affect you as newlyweds? So again, you knew each other for a decade. We were living together, we're a second house together, all that stuff. Right. Yeah.

Well, look, I know you've been through all this shit with cancer. Yeah. I feel like it now, I've always thought cancer was bad, and I don't care who's going to argue with me. That's my position. Yeah. But I swear to God, I feel like it's made you a better person.

Well, I just think, first, I think people can see me as a human being for the first time in a while. And I've just noticed a lot of people reaching out to me on social media just saying, I didn't like this about you. I don't like that, but I'm wishing you well or whatever. Right. Or like, well, regardless, you're a survivor or something like that. So there's that. And also, of course, it changes you because, first of all, as you can tell, I actually sustained some injuries during my surgery. Sure. They had to take out half my left lung. First of all, as you can tell, I actually sustained some injuries during my surgery. Sure.

They had to take out half my left lung. They damaged my vocal cord permanently. I also have like an aperture up here. So my voice may never come back to full speed. I kind of like it this way. Really? I'm so afraid though, I can't do impressions. You're gonna car, you're gonna car.

I mean, you know what's open, right? You were never an impressionist, right? I'm working on it. I'm working progress. I might not just invest in it all next year. You were never an impressionist. I'm working on it. I'm working progress. I made a decision. That's not why your fans love you. It's like, oh, I want to see Catholic ribbon and impressions.

They want to see you do your thing, and which is great. And you carved out a place. You just did it. There was a niche there in show business, and you were like, I'm going for it and succeeded. And then yes, you did fight with too many people for, I know.

I mean, what, what, what, what, what, you're still not friends with Anderson Cooper? No, but that was like a little more of a friendship. Like that was kind of a personal thing, you know, because that was like a tough, but like what you ever get over that with him or. Sure, of course. thing, you know, because that was like a tough situation. But like what you ever get over that with him. Sure, of course. Oh, you will.

Yes. He knows that too. Of course that's just what you know. I mean, that made, I don't know that he's interested, but I mean, you know, I also don't have like a need to like hang out with people that maybe weren't so good. But we really friends with Anderson Cooper, like. I thought so, yeah.

Like the kind of, I mean. Like, I didn't think we were Hollywood friends. I thought we were legit friends. Right. Okay, because they do throw the word friend around a lot in showbuses. And I always say this, it's between friend and friend Lee.

Right. Like, there's a lot of Lee's out there. I've got a lot of Lee's. Yeah. But friend is like somebody who you have their phone number. You're very useful. Yes. And you're there for each other. Well, this one's having a tough day. Yeah. Yeah. So you have that with addition Cooper. Yeah. So I miss that. You know what I mean? So it's hard. But I'll tell you what he just like he is on the air. Asking propping questions about you and your day. Yes. Let's, let's get some

background information. It does have like a newscaster voice. I mean, that is it. But I'll tell you why I was also really probably closer with is I loved his mom, Clary Vanderbilt. I mean, those were evenings. Right. Like, um, I actually stole one of her ideas and I know you're a big fan of these two, but I've been having these salons at my house, and they've been one of the ways that during my quote cancellation, I've been kind of staying standing. Just 10 people, phones down, real conversation.

Right. Smarties, like people that you kind of cast, like Sue Manger's was a friend of mine. Absolutely, people don't know. But Medler, the great bad Medler, did a played Sue Manger's was a friend of mine. Absolutely, people don't know. Bet meddler, the great bet meddler, did a played Sue Manger's in a Broadway. On Broadway? On Broadway, I don't think it was it out here.

I don't know, but it was definitely a Broadway. What was it called? I forgot the name of the show. Showing about lunch or something. Yeah, it was. But anyway, it was about, she played this super agent, Sue Manger's who was a real person. I certainly knew her quite well.

She was the first powerful woman agent. And she wrapped Rhino Neal at the height of space. Oh, Barbara Streisitz. Jack Nicholson. Barbara Streisitz. Yes. Yes. And I remember the first time I went to her house,

she showed me the 60 minutes piece they did on her. It was very norma-desmit in Sunset Boulevard. Like, come in and she must have shown this to a thousand people and it was from the 70s. So what? I understand. But like it was like so I know who you are. You don't have to show me the 60-minute piece but of course it meant a lot. She looked better in that calf dance than what she was wearing. But remember how she talked on staff? Oh. Grass. She would just scream grass. I used to bring her grass.

Look at for you. Yeah. That's what a good two-manor's friend does. I was in an able her. But those evenings were special because- So special. It was always like the most a-list crowd. She, Sue had the kind of clout that she could summon anybody.

Yeah. I remember being in, so it was like a mix of old Hollywood, like her old cronies who were of course iconic. Of course, Jack Nicholson, Neil Dymons. But then there would be Julia Roberts. I remember meeting there. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig. I remember what like he would just say, I want this person. I said, that's how I was there. She's me on TV and said, get me Bill Marley. I was thrilled to go.

She invited me by facts. My agent column said, you have a facts. I said, fantastic. And she invited me after I won my first Emmy. And I got up there and I said, you know, a lot of celebrities think Jesus for their Emmys. My, you know, suck it, Jesus. This award is Emmys. Oh, remember that. That was great. So, Jesus, this award is my God.

Now, my first cancellation. Great. I just want to say my first cancellation. No. But she called me and said, you've earned a seat at the table. Oh, that's awesome. And yeah, I got to meet such fascinating people. And I learned, and this is how I try to do my dinners.

My guests know I want nothing from them. I don't care how famous they are. I'm not going to do my dinners. My guests, no, I want nothing from them. I don't care how famous they are. I'm not gonna ask anything of them. I'm not hitting them up for part, they're movie. Like it's literally just like, I just want your company. And I'm telling you, I do lunches and dinners and I just live for, you know? But didn't somebody get mad at you

because they thought you were like sharing too much about their personal life? Didn't you have one of those few? I don't know, but like some woman, like some, look, some of these folks, remember, they were like 80, 85 years of age. So I mean, you know, this was somebody younger who I feel like you were chummy with some woman and then. Is it Brooke Shields?

I was going to bring up Brooke Shields. I don't know. No, it wasn't Brooke Shields, but Brooke Shields, I was on a TV show for four years. Yeah, I remember that show. And I love her and she's maybe not a giant fan of mine. Really? Because I talked about, I know it's a shock, but as I talked about going to her wedding

in one of my specials, which she had come to see live and thought it was great, but then had a change of heart like seeing it. Because you talked about her? Yeah. You know what you have to do? You have to do like, remember that show, something Earl,

where he went around, it was kind of like taken from the AA thing where you go around and make a men's to all the people. And you should do that with the shitless people. I know, you are, there's a lot. It's like a scroll. You got to go ahead. But that's where my fans look though.

That could be. The problem is my fans want to hear that. That's what they want. That could be a show. One week you go to Anderson Cooper and you make up with him. And then the next week. What do I do to Anderson Cooper? I don't know, but you have to make up with him.

OK, OK. Right. OK, he's not talking to you. Then you go to Brook Shields and you just go down this list. I mean, you you have to make up with it. Okay, okay. Right. Okay, he's not talking to you. Sure. Then you go to Brook Shields and you just go down this list. I mean, you get, you have a whole season. Okay, then you have to do the same thing to Congress. You have to go down the list.

Well, and the last one would be Trump for you. Okay, really. Right. And how, what do I get out of that, Senator? I don't know, bring him somebody else's head. I suggest you bring another head. I have so many choices. Or at least cut off an ear.

You know, something like that. Starts small. Yeah. I know. But also, who else is on this shit list? I forget. I don't know who's on the shit list. I mean, I will say one shit.

Who are you on there shit list? Once you've been canceled to the degree that I have, more like you said, Hollywood turned on me. You know, I haven't, like, I haven't been able to make money, meaning be in the red for, wait, in the black, which one is, which is the good one, black? Okay, I've been in the black for six years. Now, I'm not crying poor.

I've done well. All this other stuff, I've thrilled. But that sucks. Like, if somebody had just turned off your phone, and if you went from this life that you went to the... Oh my God. In what? You got a million gigs. But I'm just saying, I was busy.

We're not in that. And to have no one call for six years... That is a per... That is a per... That's not a pergatory, you know. Six years. But now it's over. You're out of trouble.

Well look, here's what I think. I think that if the Mirage called after six years, I feel like if the Mirage is having me back. Yes. And as you know, Vegas is not edgy. Vegas is in middle America. People go to Vegas. Well.

And I think if I'm safe for Vegas, I think it's a big sign. Vegas, no, that's not true anymore. When I first played Vegas, opening for Diana Ross, it was exactly that. It was just really square. But now Vegas is so big. First of all, the town itself is a town you could play, even if it didn't have the tourist, because it's a big town. I get a lot of townies. I bet you do too. Yeah. Okay. And then... Do you mean gay showboys? You're damn right, I do, honey?

Every last one of them. Right. And then, beyond that, I mean, if you have, I don't know, how many people are in town from out of town, but there is enough, I mean, to fill up, I mean, I play the comedy, I played them a rise for years. Yeah. And that theater was like, I don't know, 1250. 1250?

Yeah. Okay. So out of the, yes, even if it's one out of 100, there's plenty of hip people in town because hip people like to go and have fun in Vegas too. You're right. They're far outnumbered by the people. Remember, this is also the town that with Linda Ronstadt dedicated, you know, Desperado to Michael Moore.

Not only did she get booed off the stage and see the seasors, she was walked out by security. Linda Ronstadt. Right. An icon, a legend. Yes. She only did she get booed off the stage and see it as he was, she was walked out by security. Linda Ronstadt. Right. An icon, a legend. Yes. You know, that wasn't not in our lifetime.

You're right. That's interesting. So there's still that, I think the buyers in Vegas, they got to please a lot of masters. And I'm just saying for me, I think it's a significant thing that it's my first gig I've had in six years where they actually offered me the money they did six years ago. Meaning in a good way. Meaning it wasn't come to this for free. We're doing you a favor if you come host my charity for a gig and like it's been six

years of I'm helping you by you coming and soothing. I'll be you know. So it just feels good to have like a gig. It's time to reclaim your weekend. Sunday lawn care can take one thing off your to-do list, instead of spending time working on your yard with Sunday, you can spend time enjoying it. Sunday is everything you need to get the lawn you've dreamed of. This spring, go to getsunday.com slash random and enter your address to get a customized

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No names have been changed to protect the innocent because nearly everyone was found guilty. Stream White House Plummers on HBO Max and check out HBO's White House Plummers podcast hosted by Olivia Nuzzi, wherever you get your podcasts. Now, I mean, what America does so well is do stupid things. And then like a few years later, usually, I remember this happened with, oh God, everybody from Don I miss, and some people get canceled permanently,

but there's a lot of, oh yeah, maybe we did overreact. I hope so. I'm baking on it. Oh, and that's absolutely. Because hope so. I'm banking on it. I am banking on it. Oh, absolutely. Because by the way, the reverse is horrifying. Like the people are still walking on me like that bitch kind of deserves it.

Well, also. But if you say to somebody, if someone, you know, like the way I described to you, if you were just woke up and you had no job the next day, by the way, almost no friends. And also, you've paid the price. I mean, this, look, I'm going to say something now. I hope it doesn't bother you or people in the audience.

And I'm, I'm admitting before I say it. It's pure conjecture. But from everything I know about medicine and health, I'm a believer in the mind-body connection. And we don't know exactly what causes cancer, for sure, or else we could go and have it diagnosed. But stress, extreme stress. Yes, I think is very, very involved in, you know, again.

You say, and I got lung cancer, it's not my family, I never smoked. Right. It's a tumor, ironically, it's not my family, I never smoked. Right. It's a tumor ironically that had been there since 2009 and not grown. Then all of a sudden it's double in size and then it's like, we got to get out on three weeks and we're taking half the lung. Right. You know, so I, I know, I agree.

I'm with you. So I'm just saying for the folks who want to punish you forever, for your non-crimes, just think about that. You got your price of your pound of flesh or however much that tumor weighed. And almost literally. And besides not making the money. And also just the days of wondering about your future and your past.

I feel like you couldn't make people laugh anymore. Come on, you know that what that does to us? It's not just a daily routine. Right. You no longer can even make people laugh on social media without, you know what I mean? Like, it's taking that away has been the hardest thing. It would be like cutting off the last 10 inches of my penis.

And we don't have those to spare because we got the first three free, and then we roll it back up for the next girl. Now what's going on in your love life? I'm afraid to ask. Oh my God. Go on. Don't be shy.

Mom. Come on. First of all, I was there for classy, honey. Pro neck like we don't go back. I don't. We fucking go back. I don't talk about my person life. I really don't. You're so foolish, shit. go back. I don't talk about my personal life. I really don't.

You're so foolish, shit. Come on. Why don't you brag about it? First of all, because can you get a date, Bill? No, there you go. That's it. That's what it is. And also, I'm just focused on helping in healing America.

I wish I had time for social life, but my complete dedication is to healing the rift in our nation. So that's where I am. Wow. You're just like a saint. A saint and also a rostle or duct tape. All right. Now, this is, you know, as you talk about a lot, I talk about, you know, knowing what you can talk about on stage because I sort of think this is funny, but I don't know if the audience would. But I am being sort of humorous, but not kidding when I say I now give the plan at seven years. I used to be like 30. Then how do you see us keeping up this pace and for how long?

It's so interesting you put it that way because it sounds to me like what they've always said since I've lived out here about earthquakes. Wait. Which is like, oh, the big one is coming. The fault. The fault. And I mean, the big one is coming. Yeah.

There's no doubt about that. But climate change is not the big one. No, Dr. Bader, I'm so many. Going down earthquake. Yeah. I'm just making an analogy because I thought it was interesting the way you put it. And I have had that feeling since I moved here about the earthquakes, which is, okay,

you keep saying we're due, and then we'll really do. And in the last 10 years, going back almost 10 years, I remember people saying, maybe not in so many words, but letting the people who kind of could read between the lines. No, this is going to come in the next 10 years. And now we're almost up to that 10 year point when I, before when I heard that. So like it's the same thing with global warming and the destruction of the planet environmentally, is it going to happen?

Yes, I believe it is, too. Seven years, probably not, but possibly, like we're spinning the wheel on it. It could be seven, or it could be 70, or it could be never because they figure out how to fucking foil it. Or maybe they were, I mean, look, they're not always right. I wish they would stop predicting environmental repercussions because they've done it a lot and it hasn't happened. Like in 2003, James Hanson, the NASA guy was like, if we don't completely reverse what we're doing in 10 years, it's too late.

Well, it's like 13 years past that deadline and they're still saying it's not too late because you can't ever say it's too late. Yeah. It possibly is too late. We possibly already cast the dice. But we don't know. So seven years, I wouldn't take that bet, but it's it should be on the table. Yeah. That's so. Now as you travel the country, you are like, I remember it's been so long since I toured America, 76 years, I'm sorry, five years, but I remember like, I think it was in Indiana gig, I would play once a year and I'd pass the one barn with a Confederate flag on the roof.

That was one place and I could always open with that story. Oh, you guys still let that guy live here? I've been running. Right, right. So what do you make of the magas that live in the areas maybe most impacted by climate change? And they are still in their denial and why? When it's

when you're a farmer, when your job depends on the weather. Well, first of all, they're not all in denial. I mean, there is plenty of farmers who are on that page. I mean, they're not idiots necessarily. But the other reasons why I think people are sort of in the dark about global warming. Sometimes it just, if they're in their own news silos, it doesn't get on their radar.

They don't report it on Fox News. It's not an issue. It's not like an issue they disagree with. It just really doesn't exist, except it sometimes have debunkers on. And there are reasonable people like Bjorn Lornberg, who is, you know, somebody I think maybe MSNBC won't have him on. And he's not a crazy person. But he has a different view of what's going on with the climate. He doesn't deny that this is happening. He's being just more measured about it.

I don't agree with everything he says, but I listen to him and he's not crazy. That kind of person, they don't, you know, we don't allow that kind of person anymore. You have to be all in on what your team is doing. So on Fox News, they don't hear about global. Yeah. And then they also are

religious. I remember the Oklahoma Senator Jim M. Hoff once said, he's the guy who brought a snowball into Congress once to prove that global warming was false that you can't write this shit. And he said his idea about global warming was, yeah, God's still up there. Okay, you can't argue with God's still there. Yeah. It's just not on it. We're just you're playing tennis and I'm playing soccer on a different field. Right. You know, and so it's just stuck and it's you know, but that's why I wonder how I don't mean any farmers in note of regions. I mean, if you're a mega person, and you're a farmer, how do you reconcile what your eyes and ears see in front of you and what your? Okay, but what do your eyes and ears see in front of you?

They see the same world as it's always been. Yes, sometimes. Your floods, water's rising. But you know what, floods do come and go. And floods have been here forever. It's in the Bible. So like how much of that is global warming? My view would be some.

There are souped up conditions that create more or blah, blah, blah. But like, we were going apoplectic here in California for a very long time because it never rained. And then what happened this year? It fucking rained until the people here were saying, good God, would it stop raining? Right. And in one like month long period,

we kind of got out of the drought emergency. No, because we don't have the ability to capture it. No, that would make it better, but we, I read, we like, the reservoirs have water in the middle. Haley River is actually a river again. I mean, what I'm saying is, it's partly cyclical and this shit has always gone on and that's what a farmer sees.

And there is an element of global warming changing things. But since it's basically the same shit, the sun comes out, it's only like the seasons have ended. It rains, it doesn't rain, there's good, there's bad. This is farmer's life. It's like, oh, I hope it rains this year. Oh, I hope it's a good harvest. This is why one reason they started religion.

So you could pray to somebody and say, for fuck's sake, would you make the corn grow? Because we gotta make soda. Right. Oh, wait, we don't make soda yet. We're ancient people. But still, there's a reason of a deity to pray for crops. Exactly.

And by the way, I was, even I was shocked. Well, I shouldn't say even I'm a Chicagoan. I didn't know how much of the hate that was coming toward me was also made lots of Jesus tie-ins. Like people would go religious very quickly. Is that right? Yeah, very quickly. So I learned that that marriage is more than I was even aware of.

Like I would say 90% of the folks that have a problem with me, at some point they'll bring in Jesus. And usually they are, what I would call extreme religious. I mean, I was raised Catholic. Yeah. It didn't take. Well, I have to try. Haters, I mean, one of the... Wait, did you go to Catholic school, ever?

Yeah, well, I went to Catechism. That's where you learn to be... Every Sunday. Yes, that's where you learn to be a Catholic. It's like, you know, it was two hours. You're not getting to heaven with just Catechism once a week, it was two hours. You're not getting to heaven with just catacas once a week, Bill. All right. You're not even close.

Yeah. You got to go to church every day. God, I was... You gotta say the rosary, you gotta be molested. You gotta do a lot. It's very proactive. When I think about this stress that I worry about now, it was, it's nothing compared to the, not in my stomach that involves going to the catacombs school. Because school made me very nervous,

also regular school, you know, I was easily bullied and shy. But catacism with, these were kids I didn't know from like other towns and the classroom was way bigger. And there seemed to me there was a thousand desks in kids in that school. And the nuns were very strict and mean. And they were not.

They were not fire and brimstone. Yeah, they were not like the nice teacher I had who wore sweaters and I could look at her tits. And this was a nut. You know what's called a late teacher? They don't count. They're not divine. No. They don't count. They're not divine. No.

They don't even know God probably. So to go from that normal school and then to see these mean, seemed like a thousand-year-old creatures in the black shroud, you know, it's scary. Just that outfit is fucking scary. Yeah, of course. You know?

It's supposed to be. I mean, you don't know what the fuck's in there. But you know, some's in there. So I'm kind of troubled, was in there. So meany. Someone was me. Batch it in there, yeah. Yeah. So, but, you know what?

I guess that's the kind of thing that people bleach about in therapy for the rest of their lives. I just, I don't get that. I'm just like, yeah, was it traumatic? Yeah. The last thing I want to do is remember it. Yeah.

You know, isn't that, then we have a mechanism, don't you think, as humans to purposely forget it? Firstly, not have to remember every minute of cataclysm and just kind of remember a couple lightning bolts over a few seconds, sure. I would like to forget all the trauma that you have. Yes. Oh my gosh. Absolutely.

You know, you walk through fires. I mean, the cancer shit is narrowly and just, you know, plus. Oh my gosh, absolutely. You know, you walk through fires. I mean, the cancer shit is narrowly and just, you know, plus just people have like, confronted me physically so many times, like I can't tell you, not so much anymore. But you know, it was- You confronted physically. Oh, everything.

I've had people strike me on the street. Strike you. Strike me. Yeah. Strike you as what? No. As a very talented young lady. No, and people like feel very entitled to come up and there's something about my face that says come up to me right now

and tell me exactly what you think. It says, well, that's sort of a back end compliment to your skill as a communicator and to how much people relate to you and see you as a real person. And so they want to, like movie stars or the opposite a lot of times. People, they say, you know, some big stars can walk down the street and like people don't stop them even though they might gawk because it's like,

oh, they're bigger than life, I can't know them. But with you, especially TV is that kind of medium and live performance, of course, they feel like they know you. They feel like if they got to talk to you and you'd be the same person who you are on stage and you pretty much are. I kind of, I'm pretty the same. But I'm talking about the magas that want to come back and tell them to give me a piece of their mind.

They don't even know my work from before. They just know me as the mean picture. And where do you encounter them? I'm walking down the street. What street is this? I remember one time. Well, it's not a, it's not in Los Feliz. I'm like, I walked down the street a little more often.

What street is this? It's not in Los Feliz. It's not in San Francisco. I had San Francisco. San Francisco right in the Embarcadero, like four people were very upset. I was in a restaurant, I really fancy kind of fancy restaurant in Santa Monica and a woman. And a woman was like at the front, at the hostest station yelling and pointing and asking

me to be removed from the restaurant. But what did you know what their specific beef was with you? Was it the Trump head? Oh, yeah, it's the Trump head. Oh, it's always the Trump. It's always the Trump head. Yeah, it's, in by the way, even the Q&Ns, a couple of licks in, they're like because of the Trump head. I see.

So all the Q&Ns, it all goes back to you. It all goes back to you. You tried to kill President Trump. It's very, it's very cartoon of Muhammad. Yeah. It really, you know, like some things just hit people, humans, right? Like in a certain way, and they, it gives them license to then just say to themselves, well, that was so beyond the pale that I can do any sort of any to this person. I can go into the Charlie Edbo offices and shoot these cartoons and feel very good about myself. But they also don't think.

And you look at that nerve. So it's like, thank you, America. You're welcome, America. I took the one for the team. That is quite a, you know, I mean, there is some pride in having, in going deep. Yes. You went deep. I'm a thinker, you know, I'm a thinker. I made people think, damn it.

And that thing really wasn't even your idea, was it? It was the photographer. No, I collaborated with him. I said, look, I'd like to do something about Trump in some way. And then one of a thought of the head, one of a thought of the blood coming out of his wherever. And that was about as deep as it went, although Hillary Clinton thought it was Madusa and Perseus. So let's just go with that. Really? Isn't that sound smart?

She goes, I just assumed she was doing Madusa and Perseus. I was like me too. Well, Hillary Clinton, excuse me, was a presidential candidate, the Evalid Victorian at Wesleyan and the first woman on the moon. So just like Trump. Just like Trump. Just like Trump. Same.

Diff. Do you remember the time, my old friend Bill, do you remember the time that we were at a Larry King party at Larry's house? And who's the producer that sent us to a restaurant on his tab? A really good Italian place. Jerry Wyntrop, he's no longer with us. You're right, I do value. Remember? I remember the restaurant. It's on Robertson with us. You're right, I do think. Remember?

I remember the restaurant. It's on Robertson. Yes, it's a really good Italian place. It's like El Pecolino or something like that. Yeah, yeah. And I was with actually a guy that I knew from New York. He was in town and we went and we had the best time. But was it Jerry Wintraub?

I think it was, I think it was. But somebody like that, yes, it's the shame. Is he not with us? I believe he's no longer with us, but I remembered that night. I was going to do a quick gunnology. I hope you don't mind. I don't mind dying. Well, I do.

I shouldn't start that with a lie. But let's pretend I don't mind dying. But what I really would mind is ever entering a period in my life where people were always wondering whether I was dead or not. Right. You know, you wanted to be a defendant. I do. Yeah.

I don't want people to be going billbars. You know what? Or did I read something or was I a Greg Keneer who does? You know, I just don't want to, I did that. I cannot take that. I get it. I get it.

You've got a boundary. You're setting a boundary with destiny. I am. Yeah. Either know I'm alive or dead or dead. Now how do you want to go in your dream world? I don't want to go. OK.

Well, all right. Let's start over. How do you want to go again in your dream world? Well, Larry King was wanted to be frozen. I don't know if he did that, but he talked about that a lot. Like, he didn't want to die. I don't blame him. He loved the Dodgers. And I feel like Mary and I were a lot like that, you know, in the same way. We really liked the different parts of our lives. Of course, his life was very different. He had that, you know, I was always married to someone who was causing him

emotional distress. I don't know why that worked for him, but he did it eight times. I'm right. Must have. But he was all, you know, every morning was Nate now with the same crew. Yeah. That's pretty great.

Things like, I don't do that because I'm not up. And the morning that, you know, I wouldn't do that exactly, but I have things like that. And I'm like, when you talk about death, I'm like, no, because I kind of, I want to see the playoffs next year. If I die, I'll miss the playoffs. And I like the playoffs.

So like what? Can we talk about some just epic moments that admit it? There isn't, there isn't a show anything like Larry King anymore. I'm actually surprised. I thought they should have given that hour to Anderson Cooper. I thought he could have carried on that legacy beautifully if you wanted that six-clock hour. But like-

Well, I would argue that Joe Rogan is not like Larry King, but it's every generation has its own iteration of that. And certainly there are differences, but huge audience. Yeah. Bigger than Larry King, ever was. But Larry also had that thing where you kind of would go there for the softballs too. Like Paris Hilton went there the day after jail. Right, and I feel like Joe Rogan does that, not softball necessarily, but he's not looking

for a fight. And he's willing to open the mic to people. And let the person talk. Right, even the ones that the establishment of some kind or another says, how dare you let that person speak? I'm sorry, how has Joe not establishment? Doesn't Joe have like 11 million listeners a day? That's what I'm saying, yes, he does.

And but that's like how dare you have, you know, doctor, I forget the doctor he had on and there's some shady things about that doctor. He's a doctor. And could I just hear him speak? He has credentials. And let's keep an open mind on this versus, oh no, medicine, it's always set. It's never set.

It's the one science that is especially never set. I just glad you're picking up the ball for Joe Rogan. That guy needs all the help in this industry. You can get. No, he deserves it. He can do it. No, it. He did a great thing. But I would say he is our generations, Larry King, in the same way that there was Carson and then Letterman,

you know, Leno, and then it moved to Fallon. I mean, that show has evolved quite a bit. Johnny Carson, it was really a talk show. Yeah. Now the talk is- Johnny, I was 90 minutes, number. At the beginning. Yeah.

It's actually 145 at one point. Wow. Yeah, 145, what happened? Got the epic stuff that would happen on that show. I mean, that's the one thing you wouldn't get with a Rogan. The weird interactions you'd get with like, I don't- Oh, Joey Heatherton. And like-

Right. And John Blenon. Right. Or like just, you know- No, of course. I mean, a podcast is only the talking part. There's no production value and there's no band and there's no monologue. But just for what Joe does,

he kind of opens that mic like Larry did. Yeah. And Elon Musk will do that show. And like, you know, the biggest people in the world, because they know of the reach. And I just think also Joe earned that he it's like yeah this is just a regular guy smarter than the average bear but it's not going to be intimidated first of all by you saying don't platform this guy or don't listen

to this and we'll let anybody speak and usually has a common sense view of it of his own you know he's a little to the right of where I am on things. I think he didn't he really say he would vote for Trump or something? I mean, to me that's beyond the pale. But then he also said he actually thought Obama was like the gold standard for like the best president

in his lifetime. Yeah. You know, I keep, you know. I don't get the people who like just hate Joe Biden or even Hillary. To me, these people are so bland, which is really when a Democrat is good. You know, we want to a nerd who knows how government works. I mean, yes, it's also a great deal. I also don't want to know the religions.

Like, remember as a kid not knowing where the religion the president ever was? You know, we knew Kennedy. Yes, but that was because, yes. Because it was such a big thing. But also our house being Irish, that was like such a big deal. Same with my father. Oh God, they could do no wrong in our house.

Oh, real? That's so funny. I'm so glad you said that because that has exactly been my line, my whole life, when people ask about the candidates. Oh, exactly. What I've said a million times, they could do no wrong. Because it was so hard for a freaking Catholic to finally get there. We were not going to fuck it up.

I wish Catholic. The Irish part of it was, you know, because when the Irish year, we were not welcomed. My parents were here. My grandparents came over to steer a jean the boat. My mom was the youngest of 16 kids. Is that right? 16. The fucking Irish. They just, they don't fuck around.

They don't believe in that. I know. That's crazy. The demonic birth control. 16 kids. The rhythm method, she bragged about it. The rhythm. You know, Biden is in Ireland right now.

Mm-hmm. He's, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was reading his great, great grandparents, whatever came over in 1849. And, you know, there's just this group of us. We kinda look alike.

Yeah. Yeah. We're just, and- Shared experience. But we don't become like an Irish mafia. We're not, we're not, we're not, we're not clubby that way. It's just like, hey!

Right. Hey, one of us is doing okay. Right on. But no, for my parents, it was a way bigger deal. I mean, the Irish Catholic thing was just huge. So although I had one uncle who was a cop, a bag man by the way, I kept for family of cops, some relatives, and he hated Kennedy because of Bobby,

mostly, and he famously, because Bobby was like, you know, wanting to, Bobby was a little bit not necessarily on the side of the police all the time and more on the side of the civil rights movement. And so, and my uncle was not down with the civil rights movement. Well, Bobby was also ahead of the justice department. Yeah. Yeah. Right, right. He was the top cop. And so my uncle sent us a picture of him pissing on the eternal flame. Oh God.

Yeah. For real pissing? Yeah. See, it's in your history. But remember, they didn't have cameras like he just did it. And- But that's like so carrying a trumpet. It's like it's in your-

Oh no, our family bragged about this photo. Cause like, isn't Uncle Moe a riot? Like we thought it was like the greatest thing hilarious. That's how you see a connection. Yeah, of course. And by the way, we like JFK. But even still we're like, wow, Uncle Moe, as you can't stop him.

Now, there was drinking involved, Bill. Did you see the, and by the way, in every single member of the family, did you see the Marilyn Monroe movie with Anna DeRommas. No, I didn't watch it. I kept hearing it was like, you have to watch her through all that stuff again. Well, it is unremittingly sad.

It's like this chick never had a one good day in her life. But I know, they did turn her terribly, but there's a scene at the end that is so hard to watch if you're a Kennedy lover, because she's, Kennedy is, here's the scene with Kennedy she they bring her in she's very excited and the you know in the car and watching And you see the capital in the background. It's like she's going on a prom day. Yeah. Oh finally a man who loves me Whatever and she they bring her upstairs They leave it's like I guess is bedroom, they leave the door open, I guess

Jackie's out of town. The secret service guy leaves the door but sits right outside the door so he can hear everything that's going on. And Kenne's in bed, he appears to be naked but the sheet is up to like, you know, halfway over the desk. And he's on the phone. And he never gets off the phone as he just indicates to her to blow him. Yeah. And she blows him while he's on the phone. And it's a graphic close-up. Mm-hmm.

Not a fun gig for her. Not for her. For Marilyn or the actor and the artist. I mean, it's, I mean, I found it so disturbing. Yeah, but remember that was always the joke about Warren Beatty. He can make love to a woman while making a deal on the phone. Oh, it just painted Kennedy as the most selfish, awful prick. So I just want to say it's made up.

No, it's like the seven years thing. Is it possible that Kennedy was exactly like that? It is possible. But let's not forget, you just made it up. You weren't in the room. Right, right. And I prefer to think that John F. Kennedy was a little nicer and wouldn't have just pushed her head down.

Oh, God. She gagging, that's the worst. Yeah, I mean, that's the worst. Yeah, clearly. I mean, that's the graphic scene where she's just, she's just kind of like, no, you know, like, she's like surprised that it's happening, which given the rest of the movie and all the guys, it's like a kind of a stretch that's gonna be surprised

it's happening. But I mean, it's just, you do feel, look, here's what I have to say about Marilyn and I don't care. It just agrees with me. I think she's a candle in the wind. Slow clap. And if you're here, the whole team finally gotta touch down

with a little guy, slow clap. I trash Marilyn Monroe enough in interviews. I'm not gonna do it. You certainly have. I mean, it's your brand. I don't know why I don't like it. Just right. Stop being a dead horse. I know. All right. I'm sorry. You're looking at Kardashian with lip liner. I get it. You can put it out over and over again. All right. So do you have anything to plug? Yes, I'm just saying I'm very glad to be at the Marage on Saturday,

June 17th. I worked for at the Marage years. I we just moved over to the MGM grads. Oh, I know. Oh, I'll find it. Don't don't I have I know I'm not going to say warm. I'm our warmest. Okay.

This is a people bill. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, where's oh, here it is. So much. I was here. I saw it. It should be you. That's okay. So what are you plugging the Mirage? Oh, here it is. Someone you get fired. I knew it was here. I saw. That should be you.

That's okay. So what are you plugging the Mirage? Mirage, June 17th. June 17th. How many of you have been fitting that theater? 12.50. Oh, that's the 12.50 theater. I thought they tore it down.

No. Oh, okay. That I know of. No, I thought that's why we had moved over to the MGM grant. We did ask me to do some. I will be the MGM Grand in June. I hope it's not the same weekend.

We probably play a lot of the same. A lot of the same games. Yes, yes. You know what else is always in the same wringo? Oh, that's funny. It plays a lot of the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. June 3rd, the Met Philadelphia, June 4th, the Win Creek Events Center in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

Don't you love the fact that America is like our college campus? And we just like, oh, what's our schedule today? I gotta go over to this, you know, Lindsay Hall. And for my, and then I go over to this. And we do that with the country, you know, it's amazing. We're just gonna go over to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

Sometimes it's a casino, sometimes it's a theater, sometimes it's a super pack, yeah. It's awesome. Well, yeah, I guess a super pack, what's it? Wait, like a PC, sorry, not a super pack, Perform Arts Center, PC. Oh, super-p. You're more a detail-oriented, I guess, than I am.

I just think of it all as the same thing. It's like, you're probably right. I probably, there's the same thing. It's just the, you're probably right. I probably, there's the same thing, but to me, it's just the audience. Yeah. And it's also awesome that unlike bands who have to go through so much bullshit before they actually get to go on stage and sing,

we just show up. Oh, it's heaven. You know, you know, sound check, do you have a mic? Yeah. Have you ever talked in with before? Right. Okay, make sure that that is working. Yeah.

And we should be good. Yeah. You know, sound, sometimes it's sound check. You must be deaf. I'm not even in your city yet. Right. When you're doing the sound check. Yeah, I know.

And I, okay. What happened? No, nothing. Just ranting. Okay. So, and then what about after that, more gigs? After that we'll see.

I mean, I'm probably gonna actually write a proper show about just how the last six years have been just exceptionally something. That's another thing. You have so much great material. There is cancer can be funny. Of course it can. AA, which I'm in, can be hilarious.

It can be funny in the hands of a great comic like you. It can't be funny in the hands of lots of people. I tried to make ends up running in boy. It just really just really blah. Like, oh man, your cancer hunk at that dinner party sucked. I mean, I want to say that I don't have cancer. Right. Well, I'm not above playing a cancer card.

No. So I call it a restaurant and say, I have cancer. I want a better table. Pain is something you should always use. Otherwise, you get nothing back for it. Art is a receipt for pain. Yes. Painters, musicians, I mean, would Eric Clapton

have written Leila if Patty Harrison hadn't left him? No. We all patio, that wins her parade. Where's her rock-a-hawl? Rock-a-hawl. hadn't left him. No. We all patio. That went her parade. Where's her rock-a-hal? Rock-a-hal? No. You kids, you know what I'm talking about?

Look out in your book with, when Eric clapped in... Mad Patty. Well, it was George Harrison's wife. So it was pretty, pretty interesting now that little... They should make a movie about that. You know, that would be a good one. Fuck. Yes. Hollywood, you lame-o?

They'd all be fighting to play him. Absolutely. And what a great story. Right. What are they waiting for? I bet they do it now, and they'll give me nothing. Nothing, not a goddamn thing. But thinking of it.

Nothing but a screener, a good way. So what are your days like now? My days are tricky because I am in this weird position of having to fill my days, which is very odd because my whole life was. Film your day. Fill. Fill. That was my old gig.

Filming every goddamn day. Right. So, I will say this, I have been in a lot of legal battles for the last six years, so I still have two active suits. I've been sued by MAGA folks. Everything from other families. From member MAGA HatKid, that kid, Nick Sandman, he went to a school called Covington High School.

You aren't talking about that with the Indian? Yeah, that's right. And so I know I was gonna stop you and say indigenous person, but I get it. Anyway, Nathan Phillips is a date. And so 12 other families from that school sued me for defamation about tweeting about that incident in federal court in Kentucky,

Eastern District of Kentucky, and state court. So I had to send my very happy attorneys because they work a lot to Covington, Kentucky, to fight that one. And one of those is, those are still gone. There's another guy in Franklin, Tennessee, very newsworthy this week. And he's a guy who was harassing a trans kid at a prom. He was on video, a day after it was all over TikTok, I commented on it. That guy is suing me saying he got fired

because of my comments as opposed to his behavior. And there's a guy next door to me, who lived next door to me. We had to move. He was a big magick eye and would go in his yard. And I, there was, you know, my ring camera would catch him, my nest camera. And he'd be like, he fucking cunt. Donald Trump put the heat on him.

Now it's war, you bitch. And that was my next door neighbor. Wow. And so that guy sued me for three years, and he sued my husband just to be a dick, because I sent that tape to the Huffington Post, and I said, if I show up dead, who's going to expect the CEO of KP Homes? Like, it's a random. Like, no, it wasn't Brook Shields. Right. It wasn't Anderson Cooper. It turns out it was the CEO of KP Holmes. And that guy sued us for a year after we even moved.

Like, so I found these folks are like very litigious obviously. They appeal everything. And each one of these cases that I've had five, they tie me up for about three years. God, I can't even, just the place this country has descended to, the pettiness, the hatred, it just, and it's really unfair that you are at the moment the object of so much of this scorn. But all I can tell you is, man, you're a warrior.

I'm telling you, and it will end. And it will. And it will. can tell you is, man, you're a warrior. I'm telling you, get back in stage is going to be huge. I just know it. It will end and it will serve as a kind of a trampoline to, I think, boost you into higher stratosphere as, you know. Well, I'd be grateful just to work. Honestly, I just want to work, you know what I mean? It's like, and you should.

Yeah, I just want to work. And like, to get to good. I'm happy on the playlist. I'm on a very nice comfortable list. I've had the carved out for myself now. Yeah, exactly. With a very loyal fan band. Yeah.

Of loyal, sizable fan band. Yeah. So, what are you doing to prepare for the, what you're saying, June, you're at the Mara? Yeah. Are you working out? I mean, you must. I'm working out this time, which I've never done in my whole career. I'm working with a writer. I have never worked with a writer.

So I've been bouncing stuff off her, but I actually, you're going to laugh. My age used to be at ICM, so I'm now at CAA. If I have made too many, you know, enemies over there. But anyway, so I feel like I'm back with my standard agent that I was with until six years ago, and we always had a really great relationship, and he just always kept me gigging and stuff.

And so he actually said, I think you should actually write a show with somebody helping you. But Dan, I mean, do you go to the clubs and work at it? I would believe it or not. I'd rather do like really small theaters, like theater spaces. So instead of doing a club like a Largo or like, there's some little spaces. Some new, new school. But if it's up a lot of it is new, you got it.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes a school will let you do it. So I can go, yeah. Like John Cleist did that. He went and did a bunch of his stuff at University of Santa Barbara. So now that I live in Malibu, that's like an easy drive for me. And they might be willing to let me like work out my stuff with their students, which would be awesome. Because that's a great, it doesn't burn the LA market. So you like trying to do that before June? No, Vegas is not going to be the Catholic reference show. The last six years have been difficult. Vegas is just going to be Harry and Meghan, Kardashian. Right. You know, I had a dinner party for Stormy.

Stormy came over at Daniels. So like that's my, my gay is one of your about Stormy. Exactly. They want to make sure she's okay. They want, they want to check in with her, you know, like living in Belgium, like you know, never not do that. Yeah. I mean, you, you can mix in, I think it's a great mix for a show to have some of it be about

your personal life. But yeah, you gotta play the hit. You still wanna hear about what happened when I'm making you see it, because it was just funny. But I will, like I'll talk about cancer because I've acknowledged my voice sounding different. So I'll do like boom, boom,

three quit fire cancer jokes. I also like, you know, I was trying to take my life. So I went to like a 50, 150 cycle. So that was like intense and not, I should say not normal for comedians, I'm not the first comedian, that's for sure. But that was something that has to be finessed.

So I might have like three jokes for that in Vegas, but I could get into that stuff more, with like the more written show. So for now, it's like, let's get 90 minutes of just trying to make these people laugh. all the Vegas craziness about all the pop culture craziness. So much now. Yeah, yeah, all right. Well, I hope I get to see it soon. I hope so. You know, you call me all right. All right.

See you. Come here. Come here. Good morning. I have such a good chunk about Melville. Mel Gibson's in the neighborhood. Gary Busy got caught whacking off again like two months ago in the park. What? Gary Busy. Yes.

I did DC care with a... What? Magnulty? Go... He goes to the market looking like that mugshot. I'm not even kidding. Looking like that mug shot, and I am getting.