Club Random with Bill Maher - Lance Armstrong | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: December 10, 2023

Bill and Lance Armstrong: Lance explains why he never tested positive for drugs, Bill’s public defense of Lance, Lance’s scolding by Oprah, canceling American heroes, the time Bill stood up for Lance, the glory of a colonoscopy, why riding a bike is miserable, the feeling of winning the Tour de France, nepo babies in sports, how Lance wasn’t good at any sport with a ball, the genius of Snoop Dogg, the evolution of Austin, Lance’s friendship with W, Bill and Lance pitch on dog names, and Lance’s work to find a cure for cancer.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When they told me that you were booked, I was like, that is so cool. We got lunch arms during the come here. The first man on the moon. Exactly. I never really got a big rush out of way in the tour France. Oh, come on. What I got a rush out of was trying to win the tour France. You're looking all hell. Well, what? Hell. What's that mean? Hehehe.

Winning it from Texas. Hell means healthy. Oh, healthy, yeah. I feel healthy. You know, look at it. You look, uh, full of what do you know? 52. Do you remember when you came to my show in Austin with Cheryl?

You and Cheryl came to a stand-up show I did in Austin. Yeah, where was that? Paramount or something maybe? I don't know the theaters. I know them when I'm there, but, you know, I'm just like a nice theater in downtown. Yeah, it's right down there on Congress. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you have to drink, Lance? I'm having a little vodka soda. I mean, I know you're just a body is like tumble kind of guy. Yeah, right. What is that water? What? What is that?

This just soda. Yeah. You don't drink. You What is that? This just soda. Yeah. You don't drink. You know, that's a sore point. I mean, I'd love to drink. I love liquor. I never had a bad thing to say about liquor. But you know what?

You just can't do it at 67. Right. It's your 67 now? Yeah. Wow. Is that a wow? You still alive? 67 right it's over it's your 67. Yeah, wow Is that a wow you still alive or I Think you're doing great for 67. Yeah, I did you I know it only goes one way It's the problem is that that trend of things getting worse and lower to the ground you know

weaker and... But when he, when he, when he, when he was the alternative, nothing. Not good. Yeah, so. It's not good. I mean, you somebody who obviously faced death because of your ball. Right. Yeah, the bat, one bad one. All it takes is one out here.

By the way, 27 years ago, crazy to think, talking about this whole year, I've been just sort of thinking about time in the passage of time, and just like, as you timestamp certain events in your life, I could, like I just timestamp one, I just said, I was diagnosed 27 years ago, right? I could timestamp, could time stamp the first

tutor France, which was 24 years ago. I do it compulsively. Or the birth of a child. But it doesn't matter if it's 5, 10, 20 years ago, we all have the same reaction I find, at least I do, and I think many others do as well, is that, wow, that feels like yesterday. Well, now, if it's a year ago, and you say it feels like yesterday, you feel like cool. We're moving slow. But if it's 27 years ago, and you can say, wow, that feels like yesterday. Or 20 years ago, or this year, the thing that really got me thinking about this

was this year, last January, was the 10 year anniversary of doing an interview with Oprah. Oh. And so many people, and it was, you know, for whatever reason. I remember it. Yeah, right.

So it was one of those. So, but it made news again because it was, you know, for whatever reason. I remember it. Yeah, right. So it was one of those. So, but it made news again because it was the 10-year anniversary and so many people would say to me, wow, it's already been 10 years. That feels like yesterday. And I pretty much spent the whole year thinking about that, just like, fuck.

Because they're right. It does, to me, at least it feels like yesterday. But the bigger... Well, that was a big whipping you took. Yeah, it was. But the bigger thing is... Does that mean that 10 years from now is going to feel like tomorrow?

So, you know, I don't know. It's just a weird thing I obsessed over this year. And yes, it was a whipping. I remember this buddy of mine, I would say, who, he told me this story once. He got her as initials. No. He got engaged to this girl.

Like we were young comedians, and you know, you'd beat somebody on the road, and you know, we were lonely, so, you know, this love. And then he realized he couldn't go through with it. And he said he had to break up with her in front of her family, into flight, or whatever this city was. And that's and do it that way, which was the stand up thing to do. But with her and her family, both there at the same way in the living room. And I thought that was kind of like your opera. I know a level of difficulty, degree of difficulty, you know, to endure.

When I saw the documentary, I don't know what year there was, wasn't that long ago? The 30 for 30? Probably that. Yeah. Okay. You see, I probably three or four years ago. Right, okay.

So I texted, oh, since I got a name dropping, but I know that we're not the greatest buddies in the world, but we'd like each other. We're friendly. I think he's fantastic Chris Evans. So I texted him. I said, Evans, if you are not playing Lance Armstrong in the next five years, you should fire your agents

because this story, I really think is like and he I think he would be great doing you the right age Can cover the early emulator, you know and and I was like a story it was very sympathetic to you I came away thinking wow, you know This is a guy who kind of got sacrificed on the altar of America just wants a winner. It's like so important to, when they do surveys about America, it's always very important that we're number one. And then they asked them, what do you think we are in like, you know, child mortality?

One, it's like we're 82, you know, we're behind like Slovenian shit. But I felt like that's what this story is. Like they just pushed a guy and then punished him for it. When everybody was doing it, it's just a great story. I don't know why somebody doesn't make this movie. Yeah. Well, they have made several documentaries. They have made a great story. I don't know why somebody doesn't make this movie. Yeah. Well, they have made they've made several documentaries. They have made a feature film. That's not them. That's not this But they made a feature film that Ben Foster played me. He did? Yep. Who it didn't you know He you can talk to Ben about it. I really he's good. I really yeah love it good and good. I was not I was obviously not involved in that portrayal

But what movie is this? It was called the program. But... And it's specifically your story? Absolutely. But it's not like a Ramana clay of... Yes, it is. But...

So it's not actually... They use a different name. No, they do not. Oh, so it's actually... Yeah. And different name. No, they did not oh so it's actually yeah And what what would you say what the theme of it was did they was it just because if they got the theme wrong Then it's not gonna work. No, they look that Look, I've I've let a really interesting and complicated life and there's there's a whole lot of the shit that's true and and

there's a whole lot of this shit that's true and amidst all of the fallout and all of the stories and documentaries and articles and interviews that people were doing and just this mad rush to capture the story. You know, as is a lot of it is true, there's also a lot that's just not true, right? And so, but it just depends which view you want to take of it. But it's, yeah, it was a messy. But even the part that I know is true, I'm not mad at you. You know what I mean? And I think America isn't either. You know, some people get canceled and they go away.

And some people get canceled and they come back because people are like, yeah, you know what? It's always fun to cancel someone at the time, but then you think about it and it's like, oh yeah. And they kind of like come around to the point, the theme I'm saying should be the theme of the movie. It should not just... Well, that's, yeah, we can talk about that.

Well, I'm just an idea man. I'm not an idea man. And by the way, I... Somebody will hear it, hopefully. I was... an idea man. You know that I'm not gonna say that. And by the way, I, I, I, I, somebody will hear it, hopefully. I, I was, make that funny. Funny enough, I was, as you probably know this, but that, that, watch you for many, many years. And so anything, anything you do, I sort of pay attention to.

And I, I saw that you were doing this hour long special with Jake Tapper on CNN. Probably, probably nine months ago. Right in this room. Exactly. And I said, well, I said, well, I'm, you know, I love Bill Mars, I'm gonna watch. Oh.

So I'm, my wife and I are sitting there watching it. And well, you know, all of a sudden, this, the notion or the idea in and around cancel culture comes up. Oh. And I get a shout out. Oh, really? From him or me?

From you. Oh, good. I appreciated that. What was the context exactly? Well, Jake was just asking about all of these things in society now, whether it's the definition of woke or... Yeah, but how did your name come up? Well, he asked you about cancel culture

and you said, look, I think it's, to the effect of, I think it's gone too far. And you said, for example, look at Lance Armstrong. And I really like Lance Armstrong. That's what you said. I do. I appreciate it. No, but by the way, nobody...

I wouldn't invite you here if I didn't like you. Nobody tipped me off. I'm just sitting at home Watching with my wife right struggling through these fucking long commercials that they have on CNN and You drop that and I was I look at my wife and I was like yeah, it's nice. It's nice what it happened positively I've also had it happen to me of course watching TV it happened twice last year, two shows where I was, it's scripted shows, where there's this fucking insult. Yeah. And so you're like in bed, like,

oh, I watch this light frothy comedy, this will put me to sleep, and you're watching it and then, I'm gonna build more, I'm like, what? Yeah, that can happen. I'm not talking about. That's what I'm complaining about. Whether I like to admit it or not,

because I've been at the crosshairs of 60 minutes twice now, but nonetheless, I love the show. I love, I like 60 minutes. So I, you know, if I can't watch it, I'll DVR it, but this is to your point. And so not this Sunday, but the Sunday previously, they had, you know, one of the features was on doping and horse racing, right?

Yeah. You followed all this stuff with all of that. And so I'm watching this. This is exactly what you just said. And I'm like, I have a feeling I'm going to get brought into this. I'm not a fucking horse. Right. I've never been to a horse race. And they're talking and they're going after these guys,

the trainers of the horses, everything else, and then they get to this point and they said, and they're even giving these horses the same drug that Lance Armstrong took. Next thing you know, the entire screen is me on a bike. And I'm like, I'm like, what? Like, I got two legs, they got four, like, I don't know shit about horses.

It's like when somebody in the Me Too thing would do some very minor thing and then they'd put their picture right next to Harvey Weinstein, you know, like, Me Too out of control. And that's so funny though. I mean, not to you. It was terrible for me at the time, but yeah. No, you survived it though.

I like to think so. No, you did. And yeah, I knew I was going to survive. So who is the greatest horse race, the greatest horse ever in racing? Is there such a thing like this? Encycling. Racing, horse racing. Like who's the greatest horse ever in racing. Is there such a thing like that? Encycling. Racing, horse racing. Like who's the greatest horse? I don't know, secretary it or something. Secretary it. Yeah.

Wouldn't it be amazing if he had one ball? That, yeah, that'd be amazing. I don't know. You're fine now, right? I mean, you, even though they said that you had such a low chance of survival. Yeah. And it never ever came back. No. Not yet.

And I had, you know, I always, not that frightening really. It is. I had my first is this is, I look, I never, I never think about cancer. I never worry about cancer. I never worry about a secondary. I worry about secondary, I never do. And I don't know if that's good or bad, but it just doesn't cross my mind. I do regular health checks just like everybody does,

but I did get, this was the weirdest thing, I mean, not the weirdest, but this was the closest I've been to me like, oh fuck, I got my first colonoscopy like three weeks ago. And I'm 52, so I'm already sort of past the time Oh fuck, I got my first colonoscopy like three weeks ago. And I'm 52, so I'm already sort of past the time of when I think now they say, especially with my history, I probably should have started at 45, but I, and everybody talked shit about literally,

about colonoscopies. For a very good reason. And I was like, outside of the prep, which is the worst part, I'm like, God, I was a little nervous about it, but they went fine. I'm great. I'm totally clear. Nervous about them finding something and nervous about liking a thing up your ass.

I can't. As you know, that part, you don't even know is going on. I mean, I got well, I got the, I got the, yeah. What do you call it? But here's the thing, like everything in medicine, there is not a uniformity in the idea that that is the best way to... I agree.

There's a lot of, there's a lot of data out there or a lot of research out there. I mean, look at, if you just, you mean, you're talking about whether or not colonoscopies are effective or whether we... Well, they're effective, but maybe there's a way that's less invasive. Right. I mean, once in a while, I mean, they say it's better because like if they see a polyp or something, they clip it and it doesn't.

Okay. But compare us to Europeans, right? So Americans and Western Europeans are largely similar. compare us to Europeans, right? So Americans and Western Europeans are largely similar, right? What is the percentage of Western Europeans that get colonoscopies at the age of 50? Very low. Right, so there is another view and another approach to this. Nonetheless, I'm not Western European and I fucking... I did it.

And I went and did it. And they give you little propeth, all that put anything up your ass. Man, it's fucking put a bicycle up your ass. You could have drove. You could have drove. Chris cases truck up my ass. I wouldn't have known.

That's a yeah. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's something I think I'm not going to do anymore, but I might. But I mean, no, because some of these things, first of all, I do think we over test in this country. Now, the testing isn't a tool we should have, but I think some, that, Colo, I think I always heard. Something where you send your shit away in the mail. And they, I was telling William Shratton here when I said once around they should put a diamond in there Just so that people are open shit all day are like oh once I could it just could happen anything so I if that's like 98% as effective. I'm always looking for the thing that's not invasive and not like, you know, body parts,

they're kind of like only good in the original, you know, packaging. I mean, they do transplants and, you know, it's an issue obviously with trans, you know, we have some of these things are irreversible and they're very severe. And the issue I keep raising that no one else seems to be interested in is that they of course have very, very serious health repercussions as any surgery does.

Even minor surgery, you know, you're only made of flesh and blood and little tears cause bigger problems. And you know what I mean? It's all holistic. The downstream stuff. I'm sure you're, as I know, you're crazy knowledgeable about health. From, well, I don't want to oversell it.

But, no, but don't you agree with that? I'm not a doctor. The body does work holistically, like anything anywhere affects everything everywhere. I would yes. But that's not how Western medicine approaches, stay approaches specialists, ideal, but the kidneys as if they're not connected to everything else inside the body. Yeah.

I'm guessing you have some doctor on your staff who thinks that way. What? Well, I have a doctor. I don't know. I don't have a doctor on staff. What the fuck? You only have one doctor? You know, it's, um, yeah, I've won and we just move back to Austin. So it's, when you move, move full time somewhere and up your, you know, put your family in a different place, you got to kind of start over, right? You get a new doctor, you get a dentist, you get a new, right? I don't know, guy that washed your car,

you get all kinds of new shit, but yeah, I got a new doctor. That's who made me get the colonoscopy. Oh, I would think you would have a team of, now, because you're a elite world class athlete. Yeah, it was. I mean, was. I know, but, okay, but that, they can never take that away from you by the way. Yeah, it was. I mean, it was. I know, but okay, but that they can never take that away

from you by the way. But of course, but you don't need the kind of following. I'm like a recreational athlete now, Bill. No, I'm just talking about your health profile. Like most people don't get to, I mean, especially that sport you chose, which has got to be the worst one ever. It's a hard one.

It's just, I mean, I remember writing my bike up a hill like when I was a kid and it was just obnoxious. And I was a kid, you know. Here's the good news is they now have e-bikes. This is, I think you're like perfect for an e-bike. E-bike. Yeah, like an electric bike, pedal assist. So you pedal and it's just giving you a little help.

You'd love it. I drove here. I have one. I saw all these hills around. I have one of those. Somebody gave me one. There's no big, it's not a convenient place to ride a bike around. You know, it's residential and there's cars and people on their phone.

Yeah, it's just, it's not worth the, it didn't bring me any pleasure. It didn't spark joy. As she says, well, it's like picking, of all the medical fields being a proctologist. Why would you, you could be looking at any parts of the body, but no, I'm gonna take that.

Why are you picking? You could pick other, I mean, other stuff. You take that. Why are you taking because you can pick other? I mean, others, you certainly must have been good at football, baseball. I sucked. Oh, we're all real. Absolutely terrible. Like I said, you probably were terrible with the other sport. They all involve balls. Are you seeing the theme here, right? The ball of anything ball related? I struggle. Honest to God, I struggled. Oh, oh, man. I struggled. Remember, this is funny.

I was, and I just watched the Blackberry documentary the other day, and it was just hit really close to home because I loved, of course, everybody carries an iPhone now, but I loved the Blackberry. Did you have a Blackberry? I did, yes. OK, so just, and they're back. Just follow me here. So and so I watched

this documentary, it was hard to watch and but I loved my blackberry and and but it at a moment in time they went from having that wheel on the side to that little ball in the middle where you could navigate. I remember that. I hated it. I hated the ball. And so in Jim Jim Basiley, the one of the founders there, I sent him a known, I said, you know, I've always been better with wheels than balls. Right. And sort of pleading him to bring back that little wheel on the side, which of course he didn't do.

But no, I wasn't traditional American sports, right? The Big Five, as they are known as. I was socked. I don't have great speed. I don't have great coordination in terms of side to side. And I don't have actually great hand eye coordination. And so I didn't, and even as a kid, a young kid in Texas, I didn't play, I played those sports

at a very young age and just wasn't good and I said, told my mom, I said, this isn't that fun. And so, right. I mean, I think the thing that your pet erad is the mental part, the mental and the endurance part, which comes from the mental part. I mean, everybody does. Everybody hurts and you just can stand it a little while longer, right?

And actually enjoy it. You get into the pain. I love it. Listen, I go up on myself mostly now. So I can, I can, I can, Are you still riding your bike? All the time. I have my bike here in Los Angeles, riding it tomorrow morning.

How far do you go? Oh, God. These guys were asking me earlier. I said, it's not about the distance, right? Everybody says, well, and maybe people do care about distance. I personally care. We're in Los Angeles. All you have to do is start heading up any of these canyons

and you're getting vertical feet. You're climbing. So all I really care about is what I call, I refer to as total vert for the day. So if I can go out and ride 3000, climb 3000 feet, you might only ride 15 miles, who gives a shit? It's better than going and riding 40 miles in Florida on a flat road.

It is. Follow me. I mean, it's just so all of a sudden I just kind of glaze around. I just what is it? I think of myself as somebody who stays in shape. I mean, it's very important to me for 67. Yeah, for absolutely, but that's it. I mean, you're not going to like do everything you do, but I still can play basketball games and you know, work out in the gym. And, but it's just, it's just there is just a quantum difference with elite level athletes and what they put into it

and what they can get out of it. Yeah, you know. Well, keep in mind, I mean, I'm, I'm, I mean, I'm long past at 52. I don't, oh, long. That's not, that's not the issue. Yeah. No one's saying it's very different.

No one's trying to get you to make a comeback here. No, thank God. That was the first time I did that. We saw how that worked out, right? But everything's different. I mean, I joke that I'm a recreational out. I mean, really, am I go out for fun? I go out for my sanity.

I go out, I call it therapy. You know, the thing that comedians have over musicians and athletes is probably the greatest thrills they'll ever have happen when they're young. And that's necessarily the way it is. The way they said that. Athletes, and musicians usually. Yeah.

And comedians, no, it's not always thates. Correct. And musicians usually. And comedians, no. It's not always that way. Right. Good time at 67. Yeah. Better than ever. But.

That was another one of my. But that high that you get. Right. I mean, that, I don't know if I ever knew a high, that high, you know, where you're like, you win the Super Bowl, you win the Tour de France. I mean, that's kind of. And it's funny. the Tour de France. I mean, that's got to be. And it's funny, I think about that. I mean, and I speak to it a lot.

Like, yeah. I didn't, I was, I never really got a big rush out of winning the Tour de France. Really? Well, come on. Now, come on. Hear me out, hear me out. What I got a rush out of was trying to win the Tour de France.

So the process of the daily grind, and again, I don't like being around a million people on a mountainside in France. As much as I love France, as much as I like riding those mountains, I don't like people being on my mountain. So if I'm there all alone running this process, preparing to do a job that I'm paid and expected to do, I love that.

But when I get there and all these people are there and it's just absolute pandemonium and the race finally finishes in Paris, I'm like, all right, well, let's get out of here because we'll celebrate with some small group of friends and then get ready to start running the process. I loved that part.

I find it hard to believe. I'm not going to lie to you. I find it as you are trying so hard to believe that there isn't just beyond immense satisfaction. And winning is good, especially when, you know, it's great about it because the other people in the race, they're all trying to win, but you did it better than them in this whole winning thing. So you won.

I don't know, maybe that's too Western. But like winning, winning was, yeah, it would have, if you compare and contrast winning versus losing, you know, not that I felt what it was like to lose, but it would have been exponentially worse. Right. Winning is everything losing is nothing when you're in a sporting event, not in life. You know, life is an ebb and flow, I think, of winning and losing. And sometimes the losing is good for you, or you need it, or it teaches you something that saves you much greater pain in the future. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Ideally. Ideally. But not in the big game.

You just want to win it. Yeah. And it's almost harder to come close. I would imagine. Right. Which never, you know, those. And not win. Those years didn't happen. I guess it was, there was one year was close. But...

Were there years when you didn't win, but you were close to winning? There were, no, there was, well, yeah, of course. I mean, because I did come back in 2009, 2010. So 2009, I got third, but there were years as I was in this run of seven that I was close to losing. So 2003, I barely won all the other year. But what did you feel when you came in third?

It was terrible. It was terrible. It was like worse than if you were just not even in the pack. Oh, I should have just, yeah. That would've been easier to take. Yeah, no part of it. No part of it was. Yeah, it's got to be tough.

It shouldn't have been there. To be like the third best person in the whole world at something and it's still like, yeah. Yeah, that sucked. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Club random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at Radio Active Media. Yeah, yeah, that sucked. That's it. Yeah.

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Point spets sportsbook and casino. You have they must give you some sort of a drink when you win. And where do you, you have them in your house? And you have them. Now we, there've been times that they were, it just depends which house.

They don't take back the statue, do they? So what you get for winning the Tour de France is you obviously get the final yellow jersey, which you stand on the podium with, and you get a really cool trophy that's a limoge trophy. It's beautiful. It's been the same trophy forever and they make a new one every year. So now I have all seven of those jerseys and all seven of those trophies. Nobody will... No. No.

Came... I mean, they could, but they can't take away the reality that you actually won the race. That they can't take away. They can't take away time. Well, but this is Bill, this is where I struggle. And look, we all know everybody knows the story, right? But the reality is, the tour de France is, it's like, you know, the world series, the Super Bowl Olympic Games. Exactly. What do all of these events always have? They always have a winner.

They always have a winner. They always have a winner and And if somebody you know got a squalafide or whatever well then they promote somebody else because Events like it win bullden You name it they have to have a winner and So to take an event and I really am Advocating for the beauty of the race to have an event like the Tour de France, which is one of the most iconic sporting events in the world. And just say, we don't have a winner.

Number one, number two, nobody stood up and said, I deserve to be the winner because I didn't do shit. Then those in my mind, those don't align, right? If it was your local Tiddly Wings competition, and you wanna, and you wanna, you know, put a line through somebody's name on Wikipedia, that's fine. I mean, nobody cares about that.

But it isn't. It's the tour de France. Right. And for no one, so, you know, to your question or to your point. Yeah, no, none of my rivals came and said, Hey, give me the trophy. Well, the, here's the thing for me. So there's still there about sports. Yes, is that, you know, Pete Rose, okay, they will never let him in the Hall of Fame, I guess. But they can't take away the hits. He actually got more hits than anybody else. And everybody knows it. So it's up to me that one for I know he

wants that. But to me, it's superfluous because again, the numbers. I did a thing last year on my show about NEPO babies. And the point was that there's one thing I trust in a world where I trust almost no other institutions anymore and that's sports. And the thing with the NEPO babies is there are children of sports figures who play, you know, happens all the time. But not because they're the kid, because they're good. If they weren't good, you know, I think I use the example,

but there's many doc rivers kid plays in the NBA, but not because he's doc's kid. Right. And LeBron James has a kid who we want to play and it's just a great feel good story. And he might play because he's brought skis. No, you're never. You're absolutely right. Even LeBron James wouldn't allow it. Yeah, we got point. They that's the thing about sports. I don't trust lots of things. The government juries and everything else and NEPO babies. Yes, they even took over modeling. But sports, I know those are the best people they can possibly find. Okay. And when you win, you win. You like sports? What was your first hint?

How was your favorite sport to watch? Well, I watched the Big Three mostly basketball, baseball, football, but I don't even watch baseball during the season. Yeah, I don't either. I was involved with the Metz for 10 years as a minority owner, so that was exciting. That's cool. I grew up in the New York area, so New Jersey, so I root for the Yankees, not the Yankees. I mean, I did as a kid, but they turned me off. Metz only in baseball, but Jets and Giants, I don't know, probably both of them. Nicks, you know, still, Nicks. Nets, yes, but Nicks. I mean, okay. But Tannis, yes, I'll watch

like the Wimmelton final. I mean, that's a great show. I totally agree. Yeah, but that's another sport that you don't watch until the slams. Like are you watching the tournament in India? Right, right. Right. And meanwhile, but meanwhile, there's I know 20,000 people there in the stands like physically watching. But I love watching Grand Slam Finals,

but Jesus, I couldn't tell you who won the Italian Open in life-dependent. Right. Right. No, I mean soccer is obviously the world's biggest sport, right? But can't watch it. I can't watch it any. I can't watch it. Or hockey.

I never, hockey was not in my house as a kid. It's not American. It should not be a sport. I also think golf is not really a timeout. The timeout. What? I love golf. Golf is more of an insult to lawns than it is a sport.

Any sport where you can drive to your next opportunity, I don't think is a sport. Chris and Ross are guys I got to cancel the two times tomorrow. I know. It's an insult to me. No, no. The lawns and bell air have been insulted. We can't play tomorrow. Let's just go, uh, which we do.

Fucking go shoot hoops. I mean, no, we're gonna play golf. I know. It's amazing. Yeah. I played a little when I was a young teenager. My father and I, I guess he thought that that was our good bonding thing. And I remember so cute, he took his old clubs and so to make a child,

you know, we weren't the rock of others. And we would go out and bang it around. And yeah, I just, I don't know, there's something about it that I just never too much walking and not enough action. And most courses actually you don't even have to walk. They have pictures drive around. No, I'm saying driving driving is I just that to me is not sport sport like driving. I thought that way for many years. I know. I fell in love with you. I did. But I only fell in love with 10 years ago. I fell in love with the game of golf when my world changed.

And I didn't really like it. When golf was therapeutic? Very therapeutic. I did. Yeah, because it takes a lot of time. It took up, you know, I knew I was going to have time and I'm like, Jesus. Have you tried drugs? It took up, you know, I knew I was gonna have time and I'm like Jesus. I'll be tried drug I'm not saying it's better or worse than golf. I'm just saying it

Certainly easier. Yeah. No Did you hear Snoop quit? I read that headline. I don't I don't get back now I heard there was a little walk back. It was a promotion. He's promoting a fireless smoke pit. That's brilliant. I mean, a smokeless fire pit. That's brilliant.

It kind of is, yes. I mean, yeah, you're right, it is. A little, little skeezy, but kind of brilliant. Well, it's like, when it's him, you just go, ah, you've brought this in. it's like when it's him, you just go, ah, you've got this and it's like adorable. I could see somebody else doing it and people thinking they didn't like it. Maybe I should try to. Now you and I are two. We're not, we're not cuddly like that. We're straightforward. So some people are always going to fall away. Whereas other people like Snoop are just bigger

than life and they're getting bigger. It's shocking. What is, what is? Snoop just keep, you know, you will watch Monday night football or whenever it is, you know, he's there, you're gonna stay put to him. It's like this guy just gets,

it's just, he's the fucking corona commercial with, you know, sitting, it's just, good for him. Yeah, good for him. I guess I guess this has happened gradually, so I didn't realize it was this tsunami of Snoop Mania, but you know, it's interesting when you do watch show figures It's interesting when you do watch show figures the way they, some can transition as we all go through life's passages, some can transition and some cannot. Some people, it's like you had 40, it's like when talkies come in. You know what I think you should, I think you should, you should moderate a presidential debate. I think that's a great idea,

but the chances of that happening are zero. Zero. Absolutely. Some number of us are zero. Are you kidding? I am literally the, and I wear this as a badge of honor. I am literally the last person that they would trust to do that.

Right, you can see this. So I saw that clip with Cruz the other day. As you can see, this is- So that clip with Cruz the other day, I was obviously- Ted Cruz? Yeah, fellow Texan. Yes. The evil Ted Cruz, how horrible that I even talked to him. This is what I get from some-

Yeah, but I don't think that's the right view. It's not, of course it's not. I tell them to go fuck themselves. Yeah, you should tell them to go fuck themselves. But their idea is if I have somebody who I Ted Cruz on, what I should do, it's not that I tell them to go fuck themselves. Yeah, you should tell them to go fuck themselves. Their idea is if I have somebody like Ted Cruz on, what I should do, it's immediately punch them in the nose when they walk out. And God forbid you share a laugh over something.

Right. But that's not gonna get anybody anywhere. No, I enjoy it, but I, you know, saw something and stuff. But look, I wouldn't probably vote for Ted Cruz, but Ted Cruz is no idiot. I mean, he's a smart guy. Well, and that could be, and you can totally disagree. No, he's very harbored and yell. He's very smart, which makes him, if he's evil, all the more evil. And I've seen him be evil, not evil, but just not the direction I want the country to go and nakedly just taking a position for political gain.

I mean, he voted against the idea that it was a free and fair election in 2020, and I busted him on it for five minutes. I was yelling at him. That's still not enough for the people. How can you smooth it up with Ted Cruz? I didn't smooth it up. Yeah, I did and then I yelled at him. That's still not enough for the people. How can you smooth it up with Ted Cruz? I didn't smooth it up. Yeah, I did and then I yelled at him. I told him, this is what I agree with you on,

and this is what I don't. Is not what you would do with any human being if you were trying to just get along with them. I mean, if you had a neighbor who you only half agreed with, what would you try to do? Destroy them, all them? No. You just try to have a peace peaceful thing where we're not fighting.

Right. And in labor. And working, you know, with each other on certain things that we're going to agree are the common good. Like building that fence to keep the Mexicans out. No, but that's what... Well, you're... Yeah, Texas, that's your issue down there is immigration. I mean... Yeah, although we just moved back. So it's been interesting to move back to Austin because we were in Colorado for five years.

And obviously born and raised in Texas and moved to Austin in 1989. Austin was just a college town and it was the state capital and that was it. Wow. And then all of a sudden, you know, a super nerd at the University of Texas dropped out, but he was building computers in his dorm room and, you know, that became Dell computers. And so but those five years that we were gone, I didn't really follow Texas politics and the dynamics in Texas. And having moved back, it's, you know, sort of have to, but yeah, it's an interesting story.

Oh, Austin and Nashville. Yeah. Those are the two cities that have attracted a not gigantic but considerable diaspora of liberal people from places like here. Right. I know some personally who just got fed up with and I understand why You know, I once tried to cut a tree down in my backyard and I couldn't do it. And I had a hundred just like them. I mean, California is the regulation state. Try to just build a shed here and you're in bureaucracy for years. It's taxes are insane.

Homeless. I could go on. We're not leaving because we love the sunshine and we're dug in here. Who do the day? I mean, but some people do. And this is where they go. They go to Austin because it's not like you're in some heck place.

It was always cool. Right. And now it's cool. And of course, the bigger it gets, that always threatens cool. Right. Yeah, I have the t-shirt that says, keep Austin weird. Weird.

But at the end of the day, I mean, look, you and I both lived in Los Angeles today. Like, this is a country club. It's pretty fucking nice country club. I mean, how great was today? Like in my wife, like she, like it was actually getting annoying after a while. You know, like every hour was like, you know, I could live here. And I said, you know, it starts out with, I agree, I could do next hour. God, I think I could live here.

I'm like, all right, hang on, but she's right. Well, like what did I mean? I've said this before, but you talked about taxes. What do country clubs have? Have they have dues? Right? If you're a member of some shite whole country club, guess what? The dues are really low. Such a great way to put it because that's exactly what it is. It's not a tough shit.

You're a member of a really nice country club. So your dues are a little higher, pal. Right. It's so true. We can all text us. We have no dues. Right. But, so true. I mean, all Texas we have no dues. Right. But you know, you got what you're paying for what I love about Austin and the just the growth and influx of people and wealth and all this stuff in Austin. You know, folks

would come to Austin for South by Southwest. 75 is like's like today in LA, right? 75 sunny, no humidity. Like this is one of the coolest fucking places ever. Right. They come for ACL fast in October, same temps. They're like, this is amazing. Right. But this summer, they're like, we're moving. Right.

And I go guys, call me and, don't even call me in August, because I know you're gonna be miserable in August., call me and, don't even call me in August, because I know you're gonna be miserable in August, but call me and like, when you're trick-or-treating with your kids and you're fucking sweating your face off. Really? Right. That late?

It wasn't this year, it was actually nice this year, but I have been on trick-or-treats with my kids where I'm like, okay. And why don't we attribute this to global warming? You think? I mean, I'm with there longer. I mean, I'm not a, you know, climate specialist, but it's hot.

It's hot. It's hot. The cost Austin has Austin can have. If there's the ad, I'm not a climate specialist. Well, I'm not. I mean, it's hot. But I'm also not a climate denier. I mean, yes, but I but I'm not sure how it's, but Austin has a hundred days over a hundred. Like, come on, that's, that's a lot. Yeah. And we never used to have that. And

of course, I mean, there's weather and there's climate, weather fluctuates. Of course, there are some years that are hot for years. The Republicans cynically, people like Ted Cruz did this use the year 1998 as an arbitrary starting point, and then they would, whatever year they were talking in 2015 and whatever say, from 1998 to 2015, yes, because 1998 was an abnormally hot year. But in the graph, it really sticks out. Because over a century, there's gonna be a couple

of those things, but the line that goes in one direction and it's going in the wrong direction. I agree. I do agree with that. But I also agree. No, we can argue and people do or they should about like what's the best way to tackle this, you know, nuclear, you know, for example. Totally. You're totally for it.

Yes. Yeah, I am too. And I'm sure having said that, I'm not a climate specialist, but every other, go back and compare us with Westerners and nuclear interviews. If we don't need to have a be a special to have that opinion, I'm from building a new highway, I'm not a dumb truck. But this is an issue of branding. If it was called something else, right?

Nuclear energy, if you called it, I don't know, the bill energy or whatever. It'd be a different brand, right? The brand has a good point. Yeah, people, it's the same word that we use for nuclear bombs and other nuclear acts. Well, it's fucking, just rebranded. We've rebranded everything, Bill.

That's, yes, I couldn't agree more. By the way, they rebranded oil and gas. It's now the energy sector. Right. You're right. They rebranded gambling. Gaming. Gaming. right. They rebranded gambling. Gaming. Gaming.

They rebranded liquor. It's now spirits. Spirits. They rebranded marijuana. Cannabis. We can rebrand anything. Ooh, got him thinking. Why? How did I stump you? No, no, got him thinking about it. How did I stump you?

No, but it's saying that all I've seen you consume, how did you like? What is the new brand? Right. No, you're right. We can go. Medical marijuana, you know, I mean, that's obviously a sham. I mean, I, I, let's just rebrand it. Yeah, you're right. Nuclear is a scary kind of word, but it, but look, lands. It's also actually

scary. The reason, the main reason that this is a problem isn't the branding thing, although you're right, that's in there. The main reason is that when it does go bad as in Fukushima, as in Chernobyl, as in Three Mile Island, it can go very bad. In that way, it's a lot like the COVID lab where they were studying gain of function, where COVID certainly possibly came out of. At least we're on that page now. It certainly could have, and I think likely was from the lab. Is it worth it?

Is the question you would ask about that? I would say, no, let's not study it. Because if it does get out, we create this super bug, then we've created the thing we were trying to stop. And with nuclear, I would say, well, it's similar. Like, if it does go bad, yes, you can have a really existential problem. Can we just do it in a way where no, you just can't fuck up. This plate is one of a kind metal poster designed to capture your unique passions.

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Nothing. You see, I mean, I don't mean that it's ultimately to the people who live in nothing land. Of course, there are things down there, but it is amazing how much of the country is, I guess they're farms a lot of it or just, yeah. Flyover states. Right, and that's not fair because we love many of the places in those flyover states that we fly too.

By the way, I mean, you were asking about me riding a bike the other day, I mean, those would be the perfect places to ride a bike through, right? Just nothing, no cars. Like what is the cyclist, or when I'm out riding, what is the one thing you don't wanna see as a car? Somebody get hate.

Like wow, I'm just out here by myself. This is amazing, I get this shit to myself. That's amazing. So, meanwhile, a lot of them are really flat and hot and windy. Is this why you're moving back to Austin for this kind of piece of a month? I got sick of the, my wife is from Colorado.

So she'll kill me for, she knows this, but she'll kill me for a reminder, but the seven months of snow and snow on the ground, just got too much. So it's been good to be back. I actually don't ride that much in Austin just because of the growth, but you know, I grew up swimming, so I swim with the team that I trained with before I left. Well, I tell you, Austin has the potential to be a really important city in history. I know that sounds like exaggerating,

but it has, you know, if we're ever gonna bring this country together, it'll probably in a place like Austin, because it's a very blue place surrounded by red. I think it's that blue, I don't know. Austin? I think that, I think that, and this is just my impression,

but I think it's changed. I don't think it's, I think it's, if anything, it's purple. Right, that's what I'm getting at. Okay, but there's, but when I moved there in 1989, I mean, this thing was as bright blue as you can be. And I watched it change over the years and I watched wealth move there and I want to just notice,

like, look, what the fuck doing? I'm like I don't go around and ask like my friends like I know what my friends are into but as a parent and you got to go to you know the school carnival and all this shit or the you know the birthday parties or I mean you start to notice over time, you're like, huh, I'm not so sure you've voting for Bill Clinton or Barack Obama. And as the years went on, and I, so I do think it's, you know, there's a mix there, which maybe that's good. Two point.

Yes, because there was nothing wrong with voting for Mitt Romney. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I just got an ESPN notification. What could possibly be going on on ESPN? Yeah. They're so damn strong. Just admit it again. By the way, nothing wrong with Mitt Romney. Oh, I was gonna say, right. I get me Mitt Romney all day long. Exactly. You know, I love that. Outside of the, you know, I'm not sure how I square up with the religion thing and the, but even then I'm fine. Like just, just give

me a self-made real guy who seemingly just gives a fuck about doing the best thing. What's wrong with that? Right. Now, and I didn't vote for any of them but I always looked at it like I always would give the Republican a chance I just literally thought Clinton was better than Bush and Dull I literally thought Obama was better than you know I just down the line but John McCain wasn't a bad guy either was Mitt Romney even George W W. Bush. I look back and like, yeah, nobody was hard around that guy. And he was kind of a doofus, but he, you know, he, there's a few things that maybe understand,

okay, it could have been a lot worse. And then it got a lot worse. It got a lot, lot worse. Look, I mean, the history's gonna work. So it's gonna look, I just wanna go back to that time. Yeah. When it was like, oh, Obama against John McCain. Yeah, I know who I'm boating for,

but it's like, I'm not gonna blow my brains out if the other guy wins. And he's not gonna run the world weirdly. Yeah. And in fact, most people wouldn't know who the fuck was president at any given time. Or, look, by the way, he's still alive, right? Who?

W. So ask him, like, as much as he ever was. He's alive, yeah. Well, ask him, listen, I mean, what is he saying? He'll tell you this is insanity. He can't believe it. But you're friends with him, right? You know, I haven't talked to dubby in a long time,

but I would consider myself a friend. I really... And there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. And I disagreed with almost all of the politics. But, you know, what, Bill, at the end of the day? Yeah. No, here's the...

Here's the... He wasn't doing it for George Bush. Here's the punty of the day. He was just trying to... This is what he thought in his Texas fucked up mind at the end of the day. I really Really like the guy. Yes, can't be around the guy is so fucking likable He's like a he's like a grown crap. We have fucking love the guy. Okay. That's not what we want as president No, but that's what we got okay, but but that's not making up. I didn't realize. Try to make up with them and you're just rowing it again.

He's not really a frat boy, is he? He's listening. Let me give you a great story. This is a great story. So W got really got into cycling. It's in specifically mountain life. I'm saying that. So you had this ranch outside of Waco

Specifically mountain. Yeah, so you had this ranch outside of Waco and He invited me up after the tour to France in 2005 to go mountain biking with him on his ranch. So I mean it's the fucking president And I said absolutely Mr. President. So drive up there go riding with him And it's it's in August. It's right after the tour. It is hotter than donut grease. And we go out on this mountain bike ride and we get done and he's got this little, his house. It's kind of nice to pool in the middle.

He says, hey, you want, should we go for a swim? And I said, sure, Mr. President. So, okay, I get my shit on and next thing, you know, he comes out of his swim trunks on and is there's a gay story? No, it's not. Oh, shit. But I'm already in the pool in heat. And I'm not kidding you, this is the President of the United States of America. The motherfucker dives in the pool and comes up right in front of me and he says, so, who's the biggest dickhead in a peloton? And I'm sitting around the middle of what is the president of the United States of America's

pool in the middle of Texas. And I'm like, this motherfucker is the most powerful man in the world. And he just wants to know who the biggest dickhead is. Is this Cowboys and Indians? Right? Who's who? And I'm like, oh, I don't even know how to answer the question. Yeah, you're bringing back memories you push now. And yeah, that's it. I was trying to like, remember more finally. But yeah, and that unfortunately, I wish I could say, well, you can separate that from the guy who invaded Iraq stupidly.

You can't really. Yeah. Because that's who that guy is. And that's what that guy is going to do. Don't miss with Texas. So that's good. And don't forget the influence of Dick Cheney. But.y, but

Okay, but that itself is a character flaw. Right. I But to put your country in the hands of somebody else by the way, Bill, I mean, I look at this was 2004. I was I was the the poor sap Who had to ride around fucking Europe In a jersey that said the United States Postal Service right after this. Wildly unpopular world, wildly. I never thought of that. The fucking freedom fries and all the shit people said, I'm riding around in a United States

Postal Service jersey, red, white and blue. So what did they do? Did they spit on you and like, like, y'all bad? Nothing. I mean, yes, is the answer to that. But really? Of course. Just because you're American.

Well, the, the, the, the, the, get to remember 2004 was tour number six. So I had a good five plus years of doing my own stupid shit to guarantee that these people were pissed. And, and keep in mind, and keep in mind, but I... Keep in mind, if you're riding around the roads of France during the Tour de France, that doesn't mean it's all French people. No, my biggest rival was German and my second biggest rival was Italian. We go to the Pyrenees, you know, there was a huge team sponsored by the Basque government.

They would take over the Pyrenees, you know, there was a huge team sponsored by the BAS government. They would take over the Pyrenees. So it wasn't about a bunch of French people hating on us. You had, it was Europe. But yeah, 2004 is like, and they were like, and they knew I had this relationship with the president. So it played into this whole narrative, which is, you know, it just is what it is. And the crazy thing, because as hard as the Europeans tried to bring me down, they never could. It took the Americans. Yes. It took the Americans. Of course. It took the Americans. In the Americans.

Yeah. It's always the same person closest to you. Yeah. And so of course. But hey, it happened. And well, this is, yeah, this country does love the building up, tear them down thing. They just, it's their little Madonna horror complex. I don't get it. But they love both those stories and not much in between. But that's also why they like redemption.

Like, you could run through office now, even though it would go unthinkable. Not going to happen. I'm not suggesting it. And I always try to just wait to liberate you. You know, I've counseled Mr. The Rock who thinks he can be president. I'm sure he's a great guy. And I hear him talk about his leadership skills. That's not what matters. And it's not gonna help.

Yeah, everybody likes your movies, Republicans, Democrats. There's nothing to do with running the world. The fact that you think you can run the world tells me you have terrible judgment because you need to know things, not be taught things on the first day. On the first day, you need to know, what's TPP? We're looking around the room like, what is reconciliation? What is reconciliation?

Who's the president of India? You know, I could name like 500 things you need to know. It's an actual, you know, calling government service. It's not because the movies have dried up. It's that time of year for your favorite holiday movies. Maybe yours are, it's a wonderful life or a Christmas story or maybe elf. Fine mine is bad Santa. To make these holiday classics, it takes a team of talented people from actors to editors to props people, the sound crew, and many more. And when it comes to building such a team, whether it's for the entertainment industry or a wide range of other industries, you need to hire the right people.

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Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash random. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. Wives very often don't like me, because I never got married, you know. I didn't know that. I just assumed you had a wife and kids. Really? Yeah, I had a Chris when I got here. I was like, how many kids does Bill have?

Lance, you're like an after-mint something. You've never once seen my show. Okay. No, that's okay. No, hang on a sec. We've been down this road before we all lie, and then you have to come and then you have to cop to the lie.

I just would be more happy. Make a mind from the beginning and it's totally okay. I didn't watch all your races. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I see all the clips. Look, and I watch the whole fucking Jake Tapper thing. I like this stick. I never, but in watching all the clips, I never caught the clip where you said, I never got married or I never had kids or I hate women or whatever you said. I definitely

didn't say I hate women. I know that, but I'd say it. If I didn't love them so much, I would have gotten married. I'll see. Yeah. Well, people don't get married either because they don't like women at all. Or they like them a lot. Right. You know, yeah. Yeah. No, I was just glad too that I was, because there was a minute that I thought I was going to be on the that show.

Oh my gosh. I thought I was like, how am I going to do it? On real time. Yeah, the HBO show. Yeah, that would be bad. Yeah. Well, that's why this is so much fun for me. Yeah, I love it.

I love it. It's amazing. Oh, and I love getting to, when else would I have the opportunity to get to know you? I mean, I was like, when they told me that you were booked, I was like, oh wow, I was like, good to you that day. I was like, that is so cool. We got Lanch arms during the come here. The first man on the moon. Exactly. It's, yeah. It's, um, do you know that your name does? Yeah, great. This is how famous you were when they asked the question

of, I saw a clip. You guys did a clip. Yes. You asked some chicken street. It wasn't me. I was showing. I know, but you guys, you asked some chicken street. It wasn't me, I was showing. I know, but you guys said you guys asked some girl in the street. I didn't, but no, I was showing. You said it was the first man on Mars, or is there ever no? No, the moon, and she said, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, showing a clip from TikTok of a guy who doesn't man on the street thing, which is a ripoff of what Jay Leno used to do with old Jay walking. We ask regular people questions that

should become a knowledge, and it reveals how fucking stupid this country is. Okay, so the question was, who was the first man to walk on the sun? Come on. I swear to God. You did send me this, but I don't remember the second part was, um, um, landsharps of course it was landsharps strong. Not only did she not understand the son part, but then gets the name wrong. It's so perfect. So you played a part in history, but yes, your name comes up a lot when that question is asked

with, uh for Gen Z who walked on it. It makes that whole Icarus thing just even. No. I could see us weaving that into this movie we're going to make with Chris Evans, an Icarus plot flying too close to the sun. I think that's right. That'd be a good name for a dog. I'm looking for dog names now. It's my dogs are getting very, very old. Hmm, that's a bit. Gee, Lance.

They don't live long. His dog's oceans here. No, we have a dog. What a guy. No, I know. But I'm sure you've been through when a dog dies. It's the worst, right? I didn't grow up with dogs, but been through when a dog dies. It's the worst, right?

I didn't grow up with dogs, but we now have a dog. Well, it's gonna die and you're gonna be sad. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know. But we, I mean, Barbara Streisand cloned her dog. Do you know that? Was that in her book just now? It is in her book. I'm sure it is. We're in it all, although I read some of it and it's actually fantastic.

But no, she's famous for doing it. I mean, she had a little white ball of fur and then it cloned. I mean, it's not a sired animal. It's cloned. So, just saying there are options and I'd like to show you a few brochures. Okay. No, but I'm going to let things happen naturally. By the way, if you could levitate and go pass through that ceiling and go up about 10 feet and then turn around about 10 feet that way, you would see a dog graveyard. Oh wow. I've personally buried all my dogs that I've had.

Five, four graves. Well, they're bowls, sort of. I think I'll, yeah. I'm gonna stay down here. That's all right, but. But what's in that? Now I'm laying storms, I'm levitating the dog, right?

What the fuck? But, you know, there are bowls that they use, serve as their headstones. And I personally dug the graves because I find it's very cathartic to dig your own dogs grave. And it's not easy because the dirt is not just, right, yeah, I don't, there's rocks and roots.

By the way, our dogs young, I don't know. There's rocks and roots. By the way, our dog's young. I don't want to think about this. That's the same. But so I've been thinking about the dog names that I want to have them picked out when the new dogs come. Donald. Donald is not on the short list. On the short list, no.

But I like Echoris. That is a cool name for a dog. It was a great documentary. I don't know if you saw the Brian Fogel documentary. Icarus, what, one of the Academy Award for Best Documentary. So, about what? About Adley enough, this is actually a great backstory about the government, essentially, the government-sponsored

doping program in Russia. He won the Academy Award probably six or seven years ago. And this guy reached out to me when he first had the idea, this guy Brian Focal, who now has the little fucking statue on his fireplace place at all wherever the hell is officer whatever this guy calls me and says I have this idea. I'm gonna make this documentary and I'm gonna take all the drugs that you guys supposedly took and I'm gonna prove that you can't get caught, right, and get around it. And I'm like, this, I don't, I don't think I can help you. I think it's a bad idea like that. And I, but that's a bit, he was saying he could beat the test. Yes. And I said,

who is overseeing this program for you? And he says, I have this Russian doctor, who of course has become, who has become. And at that point, I'm like, okay, this call is over. There's no way you have some doctor guiding you through. He had the actual doctor who was at the heart of it all. It's an amazing doctor. I mean, obviously it's an amazing one.

They can't even award, but the way he sort of, you know, came into this story unbelievable. So Kenny, does he, does he, can you do that? Yes, you can. He did. Yeah. But he was able to mask it completely. It's not so much masking.

Look, I mean, in the... But you did things. I mean, when you're doing them, you're always doing things to foil the... No. No? Well, in a sense, you would foil the system. But what I always said, and I'm not trying to justify anything that I ever said as something I would want to repeat again,

but one of the lines was, I've never, I've been tested 500 times, I've never failed a drug test. That's not a lie. That is the truth. There was no way around the test. When I pissed in the cup and they tested this piss in the cup, it passed. Now the reality and the truth of all of this is some of these substances, primarily the one that is the most beneficial, has a four-hour half-life.

So certain substances, whether it be cannabis or antibiotics or whatever, have much longer half-lives, right? You could smoke that joint and go to work, driving your tractor or going to whatever, in two weeks, and test positive, because the half- life is much longer. With EPO, which was the rocket fuel that changed not just our sport, but every endurance sport,

you have a four hour half life. So it leaves the body very quickly and with a four hour half life, you can just do the math. Right. So, but so yes, he did it all and it's an amazing documentary. There must be side effects that EPO has about that concern you about your general health. Ill-effects, so there's look. Nothing, it seems like every time you do anything inside the body, there is some aftermath effect downstream. What is it for this one? It can't be, is it completely natural and can't be? Well, it's not natural, but look, I, again,

just like I'm not a climate specialist, I'm not a, I'm not a, Well, you know a lot about this. I do know a lot about this and what, what I would tell you, and I'm not a climate specialist. I'm not a... Well, you know a lot about this. I do know a lot about this. And what I would tell you, and I'm not, I hedge a little because of this, I don't wanna encourage anybody to do something that they just don't have to do.

But the truth is... The truth is you had a drug that was undetectable, that was wildly beneficial to recovery, to performance and recovery, both are important, but primarily to performance, you're top in when it's time to race. I mean, 10%, right? 10%. And as we were led to believe, which I don't disagree with,

that if taken under the care of a doctor was safe. That's bullshit because... Nope. What? Three words, Dr. Conrad Murray. Okay. But I'm just saying you can have a die. There are all sorts of quacks who will sign on to anything,

especially for a select. Okay. That means, that one means nothing to me. And again, I'm not justifying our usages or anybody's use, but how do you then understand, right? You go look at a large pool of folks who did, right? So we had thousands of guys in our generation. So if there was, whatever it was, whether...

The fact that you're sitting here now, all these years later, tells me just on a common sense level, well, it's not that bad. Now maybe your gallbladder will fall out of your ass in five years, but it looks... And then I'll come back and we'll, I'll be, you know, I mean, but the testing pool, so to speak,

or the sample pool was large. There were thousands, if not hundreds, of thousands of us who made this choice, again, not justifying that. I feel like we would have started to hear, you know, that people's, what did you just say, fell out of my ass, my, my, my, my, my gallbladder. I mean, if that were a thing, yeah, but so that would be a headline. But so nice, you know, a hundred cyclists from the 90s,

right? Just had their gallbladder fall out of their ass. But some saying, by now it would, right, not after five years, you have to give it some time. But I'm then that whatever that shit you were doing hurt you less than the amount of liquor I was consuming in that era. Because that was my tour de France. It was to get from one end of sunset Boulevard to the next drinking in every bar. Yeah.

Well, it turns out one of them was banned and one of them wasn't. And one of them, you know, you didn't walk around town around the world telling people that you didn't drink from one of the scientists. I'm just saying that's the problem. I'm just saying when I look back, I realize like what you can do to your body changes, it's it's it's almost too good when you're in your 20s. Because you're going to abuse it so badly and still function and get up the next day. I agree. Would you say to the top of the show, like I'm with you? I'm not 67, but I'm not far behind. I mean, I had my daughter's 22nd birthday last night.

It's, you know, I mean, I had my daughter's 22nd birthday last night. She was, you know, we went down to dinner and having wine. She said, Dad, let's go out. I'm like, no, come on. Like, I would be, I wouldn't have shown up today. It's not the season of your life. I would have had to cancel. Yeah, no. On one of my favorite guys, I want you to show them.

No, I mean, I, no, one of my favorite guys I watch in the show. No, I mean, I You know, I mean you can only Slow it down you can this and you can only run so fast from the monster that is always chasing you Which is ill health and it will catch you at some point. Everybody dies is something well unless AI, that's my big hope. I feel very strong and confident that AI is going to get this done, this whole death thing. It's not going to get the death thing done, but it's going to help the world. Let's be optimistic.

No, let's be optimistic. How about we just start with like two different types of cancer or two different types of diabetes or two different, like it's going to figure, it's certainly going to speed that stuff up. And this, well, we would hope. I mean, you know, my argument, are you worried about AI? I am worried about AI. Like if you just said, okay, just say AI, does that strike fear or is that a hopeful thing? It's both.

Well, which one is more prevalent? Because I'm honestly honest answers, because I am 67, I am willing to roll the dice on all the bad parts to see if it can, because it's been a very long time since we declared the war on cancer. And this is part of my argument always when health matters comes up, especially like recently with the pandemic.

And I totally was not on the page of how the government handled it, not being an anti-vaxxer. But, you know, there's a lot of open fairway there between anti-vaxxer and just fundamentally, blindly doing what, oh, shit, I know, some shit. I didn't want to say blinds. I didn't know what they're going to say. I didn't know the few of those things, not going to drink ash. I smoke enough of it. But, you know, they just, they cannot convince me that it's a good idea to sit there and say, well, you know, we are the government officials or we have the white lab coats. And so we're just saying, do this. Don't ask any questions.

When you haven't even figured out cancer or Parkinson's or MS or thousands of things. These are way more complicated. What is? Well, just use cancer as an example. I mean, cancers. No, I'm just saying you can't have so many, there can't be so many things in medicine that they either don't know or have reversed themselves and then tell me when something new comes along, no debate. If you debate it, then you're going against the this science. There is no thought in science. We have to always

admit it because we don't know, and you're not good at it. You haven't proved yourself to be good at it. Your cancer and come back and talk to me about blindly following you. But you can't even get that one. Well, I might, I might, I would probably defend them a little, I mean, the cancer well. You're on your ball again. No, no, I would just take your ball and go like,

it's been 27 years and I'm still sitting here and I feel better than ever. But to the, to, to that point, cancer is one word. Cancer is hundreds of diseases. Right. Right. So look, I'm sitting here right now. I'm sure you have an aunt or a neighbor or a friend who's surviving breast cancer or somebody that's survived

prostate cancer. These are all different diseases. We get tricked by looking at the one word, which is cancer. No, look, I'm very happy. And there will not be a moonshot here. Like nobody's coming in tomorrow going, by looking at the one word, which is cancer. No, look, I'm very happy. And there will not be a moonshot here. Like nobody's coming in tomorrow going, AI just cured cancer.

Well, it's not happening. We have to go disease, but disease, but disease. Okay, but that is, no, I don't think that's quite as pessimistic as you paint it. I think that AI could do that. That would be great. Yeah, it would definitely be great. I don't see why it couldn't, if it is at this level where it's...

But we don't know, but I definitely think that that's something to have a lot of hope for it, because I don't mind dying. I just don't want to be the last guy who didn't benefit from the cure for death you know like all of we did this one day earlier we could have saved bill mar but he died and then we got the cure on a thursday all far

you know that he got have you tracked the cap to gone thing cap to gone what's that exactly Exactly. What is Capdagon? Look it up. I'll sing your narcole. I can't now. What just tell me?

Capdagon, I didn't know what Capdagon was until about a month ago. I did a workout with this author who's really good. He had a Michael Easter. He wrote the Comfort Crisis and just has a new book out. But so we did a workout in Austin and he was telling about researching for the new book and how he had gone. He went to Baghdad to research the use of Cap-Degon and I said, what the fuck is Cap-Degon? Meanwhile, everybody listens like Google. And so, CapTagon is, they call it sort of a poor man's cocaine.

It's a mix between math and coke. They found the CapTagon pills or tablets on a lot of the, some of the homoscas that got killed, they had them in their product. Oh, yeah, speed. It's all the more than, but there's something about it. And so it's, so as Syria fell and then what's his face went in and took over all the pharmaceutical companies, he, Syria is basically a narco state now and they're making Cap2Gon. And all these homoscas that went across across there as was the case back in Iraq and

etc. with ISIS, they were taking Captain gun. Can you get some? No, I'm not. I just never tried that one. What time is it? It's time for me to take. No, I'm not done yet. I had a few more questions. I had a few more questions. I don't want a little credit when that Chris Evans will be comes out. Who the fuck is Chris Evans? Who's Chris Evans? I never heard of Chris Evans. I don't watch stuff. He's a big movie star.

He is? Yes, he's missed Captain America. just Captain America.