Club Random with Bill Maher - Leslie Jones | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

Bill Maher and Leslie Jones randomly riff on how black women are cooler than white women, the day Leslie got arrested, how Leslie got her start when a friend signed her up for a comedy contest, the shocking question Leslie was asked in order to go on the road opening for male comics, sexism versus racism in the military, the three things you need to be a great lover, and why Leslie left Saturday Night Live. If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms.

Club right now. You got all dressed up for me? Yes. Oh, thank you. What a pleasure to meet you. You doing? You didn't met a couple of times, actually. I was drunk.

Ha! We were in the service. I thought I had to. Ha! Ha! Look at your outfit. You look like Lola Fulana in my shirt. Thank you, Cole.

And that's the compliment. I love Lola Fulana. Lola Fulana in 1970. Are you kidding me? The body of bodies, right? I love Lola Fulana. Lola Fulana in 1970. Are you kidding me, the body of bodies, right? Everything about Lola Fulana. The first. She's still with us. I don't know.

I think Lola Fulana might be passed on. Unless you bet. Well, now you've ruined this. Lola Fulana's dead. I'm so sorry I had to come on here. Good night. Good night. Lola Fulana is not longer with us.

Well. What's really crazy, the first time I met you was, and I didn't meet you, I just, I'm pretty sure I forced my introduction on you, was at Dublin's, Jay Davis Room on Tuesday nights, and you walked in with this Beautiful black woman. She looked like a showgirl. I think that was my lawyer. Oh, yeah, what in your fucking And I remember saying oh

Mark, he's with a black girl Oh, yeah, and I was like Bill Mark you know, and you was like yeah, okay Oh, yeah. And I was like, Bill Mark, you know, and he was like, yeah, okay, yeah. I was like, yeah. It was low level on his mom. It was like, right. Well, you know, I love beauty in all of this.

No, but I love that she was with a black girl. I was like, I knew he was fucking cool. You know, people, can I, now that you brought this up, you know, people think that I have a thing. I have a thing for beautiful women. Yeah, I think that, like Robert De Niro has a thing like. For back girls. Right, like if you walk in a room,

he would only be interested, which is fine. Whatever floats your boat. I'm just saying, I'm not that guy. You know what I'm saying? I told him, I told him, I was like, right, I'm you, you know what I mean. I've never sought out one race. You just sought out the beautiful girl in the room.

And also, you said like that, that's the best. All the other ones I get along with tend to be like the beautiful ones. With the fun ones, fun people or who I'm going to hang out with. And they just happen to be beautiful as women. Well, I would say they often are often turned out to be black people.

You know, white people are just more uptight. They are. Okay, so... Let's tell them. You white tell them. Well, they know. They don't need me to tell them, and they don't really care. And so they are...

People party with who you want to be... Relatin', this is what the whole thing is about. Yeah, because I was like, this is a set of, like a great room. Well, yeah, it's that and kind of a nightmare, but like, why? Well, I mean, this is the room that you don't want to be walked into at nine o'clock at night.

I mean, if you don't know who's here, you know? Well, you're here. It seems like a playboy, that's where the only, but where the only thing. It seems like a porn of, a porn of, somewhere in this area, just, no. It's, it's, it's somewhere about a pool table, maybe. There, I mean, you could shoot a porn over there.

You're not wrong with that guy. But, no. I mean, this whole property is insane. Well, to me, this is the crown jewel is club random. And I am very happy to have you here. I live right around the corner. By the way, where? Oh, Dale Grove, off of Colmar.

Don't say, there'll be right around the corner. Some of my firm is like, are you gonna go to Bill Marcelle? I was like, I'm literally, he's gonna wake up and go, I woke up to Leslie Jones yelling in the window. Do you have some weight? I do, and I broke up. Well, I in the window. Do you have some wings? I do, and I broke. Well, I broke me too. Oh, okay.

Shall I look at the lift out here? You know, I was an LA person before I went to SNL. I lived in LA since 82. Oh, okay. And what do you think of it? What do I think about LA? Yeah, I fucking love LA. But when I was in New York though,

I used to have to have a hatred for it because I didn't live there. So every time I would come back here, I'd be like, it's like a ex-boyfriend that I don't get on with, that we haven't settled, I should. But I always wanted to be in LA. And when I got off of SNL, I came straight back because I was just like,

that's funny, that's very reminiscent of my life because when I went off to do politically incorrect correct my first show in the 90s, I had to live in New York. Oh, thanks. I had to go. Yeah, so now it's so fucking cool. I love when you do that thing at the end, when you go the fuck off.

Right. And I love when you just check the shit out of people. Like I love it. I, it's one of my favorite shows to watch because you really do go the fuck off and it's just like thank you. Yeah, I mean TV is almost all bullshit. So I mean, I'm not going to participate in that party and I never have. But you never I was just going to say I don't remember you ever participating in the status quo. I mean, the sign is right behind you, politically

in correct. Yeah. You know, I mean, that was the sign we had on the show. I brought it here. Yeah, I mean, it's the only thing I know how to do or want to do. It certainly causes you a lot of problems as you know, because you're, I mean, you're very much the same way. You don't pull any punches. I'm just, oh, that's a threat. People will come at you if you do that, but you know what? Your bond with the audience is so strong because they appreciate that. Even when, sometimes they don't agree.

I mean, when I started, politically and correctly, they said, you can't do a show like that with a host renders his opinion on controversial issues, because half the audience will not like, let's give that a try. Let's give it a try and see. I bet you like in life, people can disagree with me and not hate me. And not hate you. And they don't.

That's what we are at the point if that we can't even compensate with each other. Right. No, it can't get anything solved because everybody wants to be right. And everybody who you don't agree with is not just somebody I don't agree with, they're evil, they're bad people, you're a bad person. And fuck that.

So that's what I'm always trying to fight against. And you have a drink? I have this look or I've been watching you. Oh, you have drinks. You about to drink some tequila? Yes. I like that. I have this liqueur, but what do you have? You got drinks. You got drinks of Caleb? Yes, I like that. I have, what do you drink? I'm just drinking liqueur.

I don't really drink. I don't really. I don't really. I love that. I mean, I don't drink unless I need to drink, you know? Yeah. Well, I very rarely, I save my liquor for when you really want to drink. For like this.

I mean, I can only really only have a few drinks a week. And so I save it for like club random. And you don't understand it when you get older, that is a real thing. Well, otherwise, you'll just look horrible. You just look fucked up. Yeah. Yes, especially me. No, you look at yourself.

No, because you look great. But the wider you are, especially me. No, you look, I guess, no, because you look great. But the wider you are, the worse. Because things, everything just shows up more. Yeah. You know, I mean, it is a kind of a... You see the bumps and bruises and... But you look great. Thanks.

I mean, but as I said in my last special, when people say you look great, they should be a kind run for your age. Because about... Because... that special when people say you look great, there should be a kind run for your age. Because, I'm 54, so I know 54? I'm 54. Wow. I didn't think you were over 50.

Well, thank you, I appreciate you. No, that's amazing. Yeah, I appreciate it. I feel 37 today, though. And how much weed do you smoke? Oh, a lot. And I'm not good. I've never, that's one thing I've never hide.

I've never hidden. Why should you? Well, you know, I mean, I'm thinking back in the day you probably couldn't say that you smoked weed or whatever, but I've never, I've grown asked you. Well, you couldn't say it to TSA. Right. But, you know, But you could say it.

I mean, you just... You know, I just never ever, that's not something I've ever hidden. So whenever people find out I smoke, I go, yeah, I never kept in a secret. Well, I mean, it's almost more rare not to smoke. I mean, obviously there are people who don't smoke, but it's at the point now where I don't even think about it when I travel with the small amount I do. I used to worry and it'd be very paranoid because first, no states had it legal or even medical.

Then it was some states medical. I'd be like, okay, I can go to this state if I have this letter from you. Yeah, I got away in an airport they had, and it was, you know how they used to put it in the medicine bottle, so I think I had it in an airport they had and it was a you know how they used to put it in the medicine bottles So I think I had it in the bag or something and it was like, yeah, you know You got this and I was I pulled out my medical card and it was like well you can't smoke it on the plane I was like I'm gonna smoke it on the fucking plane, but they gave it back to me I would never put it in a place like that. I'm mine was

So hidden underneath in my underwear And it was like it was and that's why I was surprised when they found that because I used to have mine too, but I think I was filling myself that day. Well, well, probably they were feeling you too. And it needs to come. Because I got caught in Canada when we... In the security line, what?

Oh. Oh, my birthday, cause like... Oh. No, dude, the day before 9-11. Oh, oh my God. The day before 9-11. Oh my God. The day before 9-11, dude, I got caught with weed in Canada. Boy, if that doesn't put weed into perspective, you know, can you mention holding somebody on 9-11?

Like, you're a law breaker and we can't allow this society to, yeah, they just knocked down four buildings. Literally, it was, because I remember they find me, because it was only a small amount, so they find me and they took all my money I had made in Canada. And I was like, all right, well,

I went home broke. I think I went home with $100. I was like, okay, at least I get to go home. So were you doing stand-up in Canada? I was doing stand-up in Canada. Kenny Robinson? I wanna say Kenny Robinson. What year is this?

This is 2001. This is maybe like, yeah. So is that, will you well into your standup? I've been doing it for at least 20 some years then. I've been doing it for a while. That's 20 years. 20 years ago. Jesus.

When did you start standup? 87. Oh, 87. Oh, well sweetheart, I hate to tell you, but you've been doing it for 35 years. Yeah. I know. Oh, that's not that's not that far from when I start.

It doesn't sound like it's a long time, but it's. No, I mean, I can't believe I'm doing it over 40, you know, it's like, because you, when you say that, all you could think of, I can't. Anyway, it's like when I was a kid watching TV and it'd be like the old comics on TV George Burns, you know, Dan, who never, none of them did I think we're funny. But what do you think they're funny now, though? No, you do.

Well, some of us, not George Burns, really. He's funny. Okay, okay, no, not even, just giving them funny, not giving them funny, given the credit for the joke writing or the performing. I mean, sure. He was a charming, obviously a charming nice man, and he was trading on a affection

that the audience had for him because like, okay, so if I'm watching in the 70s and 80s, these are audience members who are older than me mostly, and they remember him from radio and from Gracie Allen, from that shit, you know. So they keep it great? Well, yeah, I mean, that was when he was in his prime, and I think he was probably the show with Gracie, who was his wife, his real wife, right?

And she played dumb, you know, the old saying, you have to be smart to play dumb. But she played like, you know, because in the fifties every woman had to be dumb that was like the cliché they fed into so she was the dummy and and i guess he was in the exasperated husband i don't know i'm sure i'd fucking not like it now right right i think i like it right but it's a stand-up you don't think that that was well i just I just think times change, audiences change, errors change. This is why I'm always up the ass of the woke people who want to get a time machine

and put their standards on fucking Columbus or something. It's like, shut the fuck up. You know what? Whenever you live, you would have been the same asshole. You wouldn't have known. You would have had as much information as they did. And thought the same way. You're speaking from a different type of perspective.

So I don't like that. Like when I watch 50s, like there was another show in the 50s, your show of shows, Sid Caesar. Did you ever hear of that? Sid Caesar. Okay, yeah. Another oldie when we were young, who the audience remembered fondly,

he was the biggest star in the 50s. Like his show of shows was all the like great writers who wrote on that show became huge stars. The writing room was Woody Allen, Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks, and I'm leaving some out, but like this amazing, murderers row of writers who were his writers. That was the writers room, like we all know writers. No wonder he was killing. He was killing that. I saw that with the showtime made a movie of it years ago called Ten From Your Show of Shows, like their

Ten Best Sketches. I mean, my view was I could swallow a can of Kodak and puke up a better movie. This, just because it was, that, first of all, it was right after the war, right? This is when the show was on. The audience was just like giddy, because the fucking war was over. They were like ready to laugh at anything.

Anything. And they did, because this shit sucked. In my view, I mean, that's not what that means. The only thing that I give up for it is because at the time you were able to do comedy. Comedy was living. Like, if you tell me any other comics that were doing comedy at the time that they was doing comics,

like, tell me all the black comics that was doing comedy when Sid Cesar was on. Like, was Bill Cosby, was it Red Fox, was it? Bill Cosby certainly overlapped because he was 60s. You know, Bill Cosby was a big star. Come, Bill Cosby had, I mean, before the unpleasantness came out.

You know, Bill Cosby had an amazing career that had different errors that all were quite amazing. And he was quite the revolutionary at times. It's his name, but I saw the whole and I was just like, it's a damn shame. Oh, it is. Because it's not like, it's also not like he was great, great, great, great, and then he became this pervert and this horrible monster. He was always the horrible monster at the same time. That's what, that's what skews everything for me now,

is when I see it, I go, well, fuck, it was like, I always wonder for more, I used to be a fucking Bill Cosby head. Let's do it again. I was gonna, when I made it, I Cosby head. Let's do it again. I was gonna, when I made it, I was gonna redo, let's do it again. I was gonna do uptown Saturday night. I was gonna redo all these movies.

And now when I look at him, I go, how many girls was in danger on that set? Oh yeah. Did he fuck this, this is dead goal. All of them. Did he, like, do you give it up? I'm saying everybody, he was, like, does city pointy ain't it?

He was really an insane person. Do you think Sydney, Poinier knew? Sydney, Poirier on what movie was that? It's uptown Saturday night. Let's do it again. He did it. Mother jugs and speed. It's a lot. Yeah, I mean, he did like three or four movies with. I mean, it's in the title. That's not a very good title. Mother jugs and speed. But okay,, well, I must say, I never liked Bill Cosby as a comedian. Really? No. I never thought he was... I respected him as a comedian. I didn't... I don't know. I thought the dad is great, is...

We'll always be the one that I remember. I remember. The dad is great. He gave us the chocolate cake. No. That is the only thing that I will always remember, but it caused me to show was my shit. I have to say it was my shit. No, didn't like that.

You know, and all of his movies. I love all of his movies. Never liked him in any form, really. Except I spy. He was so cool in that. And as himself, as a talk show guest, I liked him. But every time I look at any of that now, I go, I thought he was corny. But do you remember danger?

Oh, yes. Well, they were. We are supported by signal wire. Remember all those futuristic movies where they had flying cars and crime prediction software and super hot love robots? Well, it's halfway through 2022. The future is officially here and I'm still waiting to fall in love with a robot.

You know what else I'm waiting on? Video chat apps that work reliably in all network conditions or that don't slow down or crash our devices. That's where SignalWire comes in. SignalWire is an advanced cloud platform for building the communications applications of the future. With SignalWire, you advanced cloud platform for building the communications applications of the future.

With SignalWire, you can create any real-time communication app with far better audio and video quality that actually uses less bandwidth and doesn't slow down your user's devices. And with SignalWire, you can completely customize the user experience and integrate it within an existing application or or website with ease. Most importantly, SignalWire makes it easy to figure out. For the year a developer, product builder, or just someone with a cool idea, SignalWire offers APIs, SDKs, and even copy and paste code snippets to help you make your vision a reality fast.

Visit signalwire.com slash random to sign up for a free account or book a demo. Get an additional 5,000 video minutes for testing. Go to signalwire.com slash random and build the future of real-time communications. Go to signalwire.com slash random today. The wave is almost over. Football season is about to start, which means you won't have to talk to your spouse until February. Kidding. Get ready for the NFL Week 1 action with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner

of the NFL. To celebrate the return of football, DraftKings is giving new customers a cat miss offer. Bet just $5 on any football game and get $200 in free bets instantly. Want more action for opening night? Everyone can experience the thrill of Draft Kings early win promotion. Get up 7 points you win. Bet on any NFL team of your choice and if your team leads by 7 points at any point during the game, you get paid instantly. Even if your team leads by seven points at any point during the game, you get paid instantly.

Even if your team loses. Hear that giant spands? DraftKings is safe, secure, and reliable. Best of all, you can deposit and withdraw your cash whenever you want. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now and use promo code Random to get $200 in free bets instantly when you place a $5 bet on any football game. That's code random, only a draft King sports book an official sports betting partner of the NFL.

Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Do you remember Flip Wilson? Two-why. Now Flip Wilson, I liked a lot. He had his own... Flip was one of the funniest motherfuckers. And I thought-

Geraldine was fucking perfection. Right. So when you talk about me and dressing up like women, because you know, people have that little conflict with that, which I think your genius, if you can do it and pull it off right, he was the one that pulled off that in a way that, I don't think the one has ever been able to come off like,

that fucking girl, did he? You mean, Greg? Yes, I love her, D. I loved her. But he, yes, I mean that character, and wasn't he here to come to judge? Yeah, yeah, and he remember he had a flip, we'll say that as so, you remember?

But that's what I just said, he had his own show. He also would come on the tonight show and do stand up, He had a... You bring me here, we'll say how to show him. You know? That's what I just said. He had his own show. He also would come on that's a night show and do stand-up. You know, and it was like, it wasn't like, joke, joke, joke. I remember seeing him, oh, it's too bad we're not the kind of show that can just like then dial this up from the archives and show you the clip, but maybe other people can. It was the day, maybe after they landed on the moon in 1969. And he did a thing, he must have written it like that day or something.

And it was just this monologue of, I think, as I recall, like a family talking to each other about it, you know, that moon, that kind of stuff. And it was like, I remember being blown away, because it was just... They were patient. The audience was like, I remember being blown away because it was just... They were patient. The audience was more patient, correct. No, the medians were patient. Well, because what do you mean patient?

The time in. Yeah. I mean, you should be able to tell a story that you know, have the patients. But again, you couldn't get away with the day because the audience is less patient. Absolutely. The audience had more of an attention spent. That's one reason why when I watch this old stuff, I'm like, come on, get to it, because even I, I'm young enough to be like, oh, my...

I know what this point sign is gonna be. Well, and also it just taken you too long to get there. Yeah. You know, give me the, yeah, I need my sex, you know. Yeah. But Flip Wilson was amazing. Now, did he write what anyone? I thought he was, oh, I have no idea,

but he was. I just thought he was hip in a way Cosby wasn't. And just cool. I don't know. It was like, I didn't want to be Bill Cosby. But he wanted to be Flip Wilson. Well, Flip Wilson, yeah, I knew I wanted to be a comedian when I was like eight.

Right. You know, I mean, I never ever had a part of my life where I was like, what am I gonna do with my life? Whereas I meet kids that are like 25 then I don't know what the fuck to do. Right. I always know. You always the same way. No, I had no clue until,

I was like, yes, spider. A spider. I had no clue until I actually walked on a stage and touched her mic. When was that? That in college. It was a 1987. And my friend signed me up for a contest in college.

And as soon as I touched the mic, it was almost like I can see my life. Wow. It's just almost like I had been doing it already 10 years. That's amazing. It felt like home. I immediately knew I was gonna be a comic.

I was like, you written stuff? No, and what was so you mean you went on with, no, I went on and talked about what you were gonna say? I talked about, I just imitated a comic. I imitated Richard Prior. No, I imitated Eddie Murphy actually, because I was like, this is what Richard Prior Eddie Murphy would do.

Wow. And I talked about my uncle. I talked about white and black churches. And I did, I don't even, and then I talked about my grandmother, because my grandmother had real big breasts. And that joke right now would work today, like, because it was a story,

because it was a true story. But you didn't plan this out. No, I didn't. Come on. You didn't even say, okay, we were talking about churches. I sat down, was she told me? I was like, I'm, because I'm a Virgo, you know, you gotta be organized.

I sat down and I was like, okay, if I don't do jokes, okay. Who told you? My friend, was she told me she signed me up for the contest? Oh, a friend signed you. She signed me up for the contest. My friend in college.

Wow. And I was always funny. Because they saw, you know. I was always funny, but I just didn't think I was funny. Because they saw, I was always funny, but I just didn't think I was funny. I just thought that I was imitating funny people. You know, you need people like that in your life, especially. Oh, well, see, because you don't know. I mean, even though I always knew I wanted to be a comedian,

I was too shy and not confident nearly enough to say that to people, because I thought they would laugh at me like, oh please. Oh, you want to be a comedian, great. I want to be an astronaut, you know? That kind of thing. So I just never ever said anything.

But when I was in high school, the English teacher who now I looked back, I realized, was very gay. But at the time I was so, you know, we were very sheltered where I grew up in my little suburban enclave there, and it just never really crossed my mind. And I never thought about it yesterday. No, I mean, now that I've dragged Queen Story Hour, I was eight, but, you know, back then we weren't, I wasn't unaware of these kind of things. I knew what homosexuality was by that point.

I'm sure, but it just never crossed my mind. Now I look back and I'm thinking, oh, of course, this area died. Elegant gay man had the sense to recognize in me. And what he suggested, I be the MC of what, I guess, every year they had what they called the pop show. Though after me, they did not, because I stole a lot of jokes from Johnny Carson, which was late nights, sophisticated television, and it was way to risque for the audience, which left, I think, I remember at the time, but like, there was complaints from a lot of the girls' fathers after, because I had said things that Johnny Carson said. You know, so, yeah, but he,

but that was the first time I got on stage. It was high school and it was MC, it's kind of what I've always been doing and wanted to do. But I don't know how it would have gone if that teacher hadn't had, you know, he's the first person to independently, because again, I'd ever said to somebody, I want to do this.

He saw it in me. So it was like, okay, I'm not crazy. Somebody else sees this. That wasn't my plan, but that's how it shook out in my mind. For me, it was more of like, oh, I was funny. I mean, I thought that I was saying funny stuff, but I didn't know people actually was laughing at what I said.

And for her to be like, yo, no, like you're funny, funny. Like you need to get on stage. And when I got on stage, I'm telling you, it just felt like all of it came, it was like, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, poop, and I was like, oh, shit. Oh, a comedian, I'ma be a comedian, cause I always be like, I'm, poop, poop, poop, and I was like, oh, shit. Oh, comedian, I'ma be a comedian

cause I always be like, I'ma be an actress that's gonna play, we'll be go-work. That's what I thought. Well, you know, there are people who, I feel like are just born to be comedians or sometimes actors, singers. There's lots of people in show business who just want to be in show business.

And of course the thing about show businesses you can be in show business if you really insist. If you insist on it, you don't really need to have a lot of talent to be somewhere. And we have seen that. And we have seen it many times. If you really insist, I insist I will be in show business and must be, you

can be, you can work, you just can't reach the top echelons. But then there are people and whenever I saw you, I thought, oh yeah, that girl, that she is doing what she is supposed to be doing. And really, nothing else would be the right thing for her to do. Because I don't, I don't think I would have been a basketball coach. Well, but you were one of those SNL players who the second you walked on stage, all the eyes went to you as they should. You know, you just owned it.

It was so easy. And you never looked from the beginning, you never looked the least bit worried about how it would turn out. You never looked freaked out. You never looked at me. Update deaths is what, the update deaths, you'd never look... Update deaths is what... The update deaths, when they put me on the update deaths,

I remember Bobby Lee saying this to me, he was like, if they put your ass in front of the camera, it's over. And they were talking about putting me in front of the camera. Meaning that, if you get in front of it, they hired me as a writer. I didn't hire me as a cast member first. I was a writer.

Oh, shut right. Yeah, I came out in an audition with a bunch of people, but they just asked me to stay as a writer. So they had been talking about me being on an update, that's what Bobby was like. If they put you in front of that camera, it's fucking over. And when they gave me that update, the update was just like doing stand up,

but just sitting down, I was like, I did shit. That's, that's, you want me to do this? This is like fucking taking candy from a baby, you know? The first update, they was like, you were nervous and I was like bitch, I was doing standup. That's, I was just sitting down, I was, What was the, what was the bet you took? It was a joke that had been doing for six years.

Oh yeah. That's easy. It literally, literally was about, you know, all our jokes is from our life. I was, and I wrote this joke 10 years before I started actually doing it. I was, I went on a bad date. And this is a real talk.

I went on a bad date. I came home and I was in the middle of the floor. And I remember I was eating cold spaghetti. And I was like, this is goddamn shame. Cause if I was a fucking slave, I would have all the best men. They were trying to breed me. Yeah, I would have Denzel, I have Shepkiel, I have all the fine motherfuckers.

And every, every nine months I will be giving them a fucking breed, baby. Wow, that's interesting. I just remember that coming to my head and I was like, I can't even get a fucking quality brother. And I was, I'm the best thing on the fucking plantation. I just remember saying to me, that'll be funny. You know, one day when you're talented enough to do that joke.

And then I started doing it, and I think the way that I started doing it was, it was just funny when I would do it, and they called me in the room, and they called me in the room and they'd see Spider. They called me in the room. Yes. And you're gonna kill it? Well, it didn't do it to you.

It's me, I'm okay. You're right. And it might be killing other ants or something. That book did not come out to be killed today. It was just like, that's not the kind that I like. There are certain spiders. Is that a black widow? Well, it's black, well, I am. There are certain spiders. Is that a black widow? Well, it's black widow.

I have no idea, but it's anyway. Come on with your story. Don't let this spider get in the way of our fun. Oh, my God. No, they called me in the room and I had two jokes. I had this joke about texting. I had this joke about over texting and I had, I called it the slave joke. It's what I called it and I called it the slave joke.

It's what I called it. I called it the slave joke. And they was like, well, we want you to do an update on the texting and the slave joke. And I was like, those are two different jokes. I was like, so it's one or the other. I was like, those don't go together, so you have to pick one or the other.

And they was like, oh, and I was like, yeah, y'all want me to do a slave joke. And they was like, yeah, but they didn't want to say it. So I was like, it's a good joke, yeah, let's do it. Fuck it. So we wrote it. It's a ballsy one. It's not even that it's so ballsy as much as you got

to be talented to perform it. Well, because when I would do it, it was just as simple as that. It was just like, if I was on the fucking plantation, I would have the best, I would be recruited. I think I would be the number one slave draft fit. But I mean, that SNL audience is a really liberal well-coordinate.

So like, even a black person doing that joke, they're after understand white people, especially the liberal ones in places like New York and LA. They have a kink of self-loathing. So you mentioned plantation and they right away are like, oh my god, I'm like, I always want to say them, you didn't do it. You didn't do it.

I mean, but I could see an audience freezing at that because it's just too good. Oh my god, I would do it in LA. I'm talking about the white people. If the black people would be fun, with the big, it's funny. The black people would get mad at me. No, I'll tell you this, listen.

They would. When I do that joke, I would do that in white clubs. I'm telling you that shit would, I mean, rush, because I would come on out like, I don't know what to do. I'm the number one slave draft pick. I'm going to Arkansas, Nebraska trying to get me. It was just like, if the whole joke was an intricate thing.

And LA. LA, I would do it at the parlor all the time. The J. Davis show all the time. It would rip because it was a genius show. That's the joke that Chris saw me doing at the company store when he told him to ask him. So, and you're saying black audiences got mad at it? Well, black audience, you know,

when you're in a club, people laugh, but when I did it as an update, white people thought it was hilarious, Black people, oh my God. Oh, you was up there talking about it's okay for a girl to be abreeded and I was like, oh my God, are you listening to the fucking joke? Like that show you, not listening to Joke?

I remember one time I did this club, and I was, I was ripped back, ripped this club, and this black guy comes to me. He was like, yeah, I wasn't, he was like, damn, you so much funny than I thought. I wasn't really a fan because, you know, you called black women niggas on SNS. What?

The fuck are you talking about? And this is what pisses me off about stuff like that. It's like you don't know the fuck you talking about. So I said, where did I say it? You said it and I was like show me where I said it. Show me, pull it up and pull that apart where you saw me say that. I said, cause that, I said that right there,

you going off of misinformation. Now for some, you didn't even go in fucking research and see if I said, because that, I said, that right there, you going off of misinformation? And for some, you didn't even go in fucking research and see if I said it. No, I didn't call black women niggas. I said that if I was on a plantation, I would be breed it because I am a mendingo and I would have all the best men that come, that's what I said.

Staphuck like, and it, what pissed that come, that's what I said. Staphuck, like, and it, and what pissed me off, I told people I said, the jink, the joke is so fucking, Jean, you should be proud that I even wrote a joke like that. I mean, it's just not a dick joke, is it? No. What you expect, right? You expect the fucking dick joke? I'm so, so surprised.

Oh my God, when I say I had bitches from essence come out, I mean I had so much shit. And it made me so disgusted because I go, do you know how fucking hard? I would have did that. I'd done that joke a billion times in all kinds of blacks and white. And now you get mad.

Is it because I took it outside of what, like you surprised to see a black woman be smart in what the fuck that you see some of these with other women do? Oh, I'm so sorry that I'm not just talking about dick. Or how the shower doesn't get in your pussy. And who does that shit? Oh, it's, that's the most un, oh my God.

When I say, when I first, when I first started, my goal was to write better dick jokes than men. I remember the first time I did. Oh my God, I was so good. I was so good, I remember T.K. Kirkland coming up to me one time going, women ain't supposed to talk like that. You can't be talking about dick. And I said, you talk about pussy.

And you don't have no pussy. I got a pussy. Why would I not talk about it? And I said, now better, I know you don't have no pussy? I got a pussy. Why would I not talk about it? And I said, now better I know more about your dick than you do. We are supported by wine enthusiast. Summer is winding down, but the days are still hot and sunny. And if this climate keeps going the way it is,

soon it will be summer all year round, which makes it even more important to properly store your wine. Now is the time to get those wine bottles out of boxes or off your countertops and protect them with a wine fridge from wine enthusiast. Wine enthusiast designs and offers the largest selection of wine coolers for every drinker, every budget and every size collection up to 600 bottles. Plus, expert wine storage consultants are available by phone to help you find the right fit for all your needs. Wine Enthusiast is the premier destination for the wine lifestyle, offering an incredible

selection of unique wine accessories, glassware furniture, wine storage gifts, and more. Here at Club Random, our guests have been drinking from this awesome custom Club Random logo glassware that Wine Enthusiast sent us. Visit WineEnthusiast.com or text the code random to 511-511 and from now until Labor Day, save during Wine Enthusiast's Labor Day sale. Save up to 25% on wine sellers and fine furniture now through Labor Day. Text random to 511, 511. Text random to 511, 511 today.

Certain exclusions may apply. You may receive up to one additional text. Message and data rates may apply. Text stopped to opt out. You know, when I started comedy, I had already met crackheads and holes and pimps and drug does. So when I got into comedy,

and these motherfuckers would try to be gangster, I would just, oh, floor them. Who would try to be gangsta? Oh my God, any motherfuckers I stepped to. And when I got into the game, what were we talking about though? What were you talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, you know. Like, it was so, it was so funny because you'd be like, you're not a gangster. Wait, so you're saying the comics were trying to act hard? Oh, it was so hilarious. And I'm like, I'm from Compton. I literally just saw someone get shot.

And you are telling a knock knock joke. There's nothing scary about you motherfucker. And when I got, when I started, even though I'm looking for a scary guy, are you? No, it's not that. It's just that they would do the women like that. They was trying to always intimidate the women. That's what I should have started with. Because you know, David, I would be like, if you go on the road with me, you guys sleep

with me. And I'm just like, I wouldn't, whoa. I wouldn't fuck. Oh, let's back up to that one. I wouldn't fuck you with sleep with me. And I'm just like, I wouldn't, whoa. I wouldn't fall. Oh, let's back up to that one. I wouldn't fuck you with my enemies pussy. And I hated that bitch. Do you understand how much I hated that bitch? And I still wouldn't let you fuck her.

But that's what comics say nowadays. Not now. They don't do it now. But I mean, that was a thing to say to the female comic, where you go on the road. Are you fucking? Really? Are you fucking? really? Are you fucking? Really? Are you fucking?

Why? Are you fucking? That bald, no tread on that tire you're saying. Just, are you fucking? Are you fucking? And I was fine when I started. Like, I was fine as fuck. So I'm not gonna mention the names,

but a lot of motherfuckers came at me. And women went for this also? Some did, some did, some did. Some, you know, some did, because they maybe felt like they had to. And some women was doing that too. You fucking, you coming on a road with me. I mean, it's what it was.

I just, I just was like, none of you bitches could ever even ill. Right. Right. It's so interesting. This was like, none of you bitches could ever even... Ew. Right. Right. It's so interesting. Oh, it's just... I think we could have some war stories like a mother-flaw.

Well, I mean, I don't have war stories like that, and that's, you know, something I've been lucky about. I mean, life is a complex mixture of advantages and disadvantages for sure. That is one thing I've been lucky for. I didn't have to have to be coerced to go on the road to give up my sexuality. And I would have happily, because I certainly wasn't getting anybody in those days. That's right. I would love it if somebody had said, are you fucking?

Because the answer was no. You'd be like, I'm not you, like. Well, oh man, you wouldn't believe some of the shit. Women have to put up with it. Oh, you know, here's an interesting story. Mara, maybe not. It's certainly anecdotal. Let me just start and just put the big headline on it.

It's anecdotal. It's one person, but it is a real story. A woman I know, now late 20s, okay, went into the Navy in 2017, very attractive. Yes, African American. What, you're looking at me like, I'm like, what's the story going to end? Not badly. Okay. But when you was about to get out, or close, it was come, you know, like a year away or something. I said, well, now that you could see the end, tell me about, we were catching up.

You know, I said, tell me about your experience. And we were talking about the Navy, like some really hairy things, like fucking sleeping on the beach in Saudi Arabia. You know, when they deploy, they fucking make them sleep on the beach. You Arabia, you know, when they deploy, they fucking make them sleep on the beach with spite. You think that spider was big? Said there was spiders this fucking big on the beach in Saudi Arabia.

But I guess we were- Oh, we're not sleeping! I guess we were guarding the oil. I don't know what we were doing. Oh my God! You know, I'm just saying America spends like so many billions of dollars for the military to do all sorts of things which are unnecessary, but it's who we are. Okay, anyway.

So she, I said, and got her eyes, and what about racism? Where was that on the scale in your time in the Navy? Again, this is one person. I said, you know, was it, you know, on this scale of one to ten? And she said, I personally never really saw racism in the Navy, but sexual harassment was every day. And that must have been hard being on a boat with the mother. Right.

Again, anecdotal. I'm sure someone else could say something else, and I'm sure there are still racism aplenty in not just the military, but... Micro- Yes, everywhere in society, still something that we should work. But it's so interesting that we are kind of monofocused on that, and very often the thing that folks up here, I mean, in her case, you know, it wasn't racism.

It was sexual harassment. Sexual harassment. I mean, in her case, you know, it wasn't racism. It was sexual harassment. Sexual harassment. I mean, can you imagine being a roundabout to me? Like, I was a, I was a, and men who were young, who grew up in a kind of post, I mean, I'm not saying again, that racism still isn't there, but if you're a 20 year old guy, it's like racism is not a cool thing.

It's not cool anymore. But the way it was bitches is. No, I mean, and it's certainly too acceptable in too many places and with too many people. But yeah, I can see how 22-year-old guys on the ship, even the white ones weren't like... That wasn't their idea, was it? But that's more scary than...

I would rather for them to be racist than to be sexually... Well, when I was young, though, I was such a different, I had that such masculine shit. I knew how to handle dudes like that. But see, just to even say in that, shows you how dangerous it is, because I learned how to handle that. Like, I remember being a son of a bitch.

I mean, you need a very strong man, because you're a strong woman. I mean, you know, yeah, and funny. Men are so... You don't have to be funny. I really want you to be strong woman. I mean, you know, yeah, and funny men are so you don't have to be funny. I really want you to. But you are. I want him to be funny. You are funny. Yes. So that's intimidating to a lot of men. And that's so deceit. I was laughing because I told everybody when I was on my way. If he I was like, Bill Marr is going to find my boyfriend. I could. I think that you exactly know. I certainly could pick him out in a lineup of who of weight of like who isn't going to be in a lineup.

I like him to have that to scream. That's a great job. But who but of who is not up to par? Because I could eliminate like five of the seven contestants immediately because I just know. So come on. Yeah. I just know that they would not be strong enough for you. It's not even about strong enough.

It's about being intelligent and having, well that show. It's been a real person. Who that to? Just a real person. But like, so you want, I mean, I'm getting trouble for this, but say it. I will.

Believe me. Believe me, no, well, that too. But it has to be himself. That would be part of what I was going for, which is like, I think you know how strong a woman is. It probably feels good at a certain point and taken of the throne around oh thank you for saying it for me around and not slept but you know what i literally we don't know no no no no this is like the old days at tv when the

screen just goes to this is a... Yeah! Or that little b-back exactly like the... This is an opening system. Oh my God. No, no. No, we're just saying that at the height of... That's kind of the height of passion.

Right, at the height of passion, I mean, if a guy is not passing out some week shit, he's going to make you feel away, perhaps, that feels good, and is not what you're normally used to being so, like, in control, and the strong one, and the smart one. Not, not, not, I am completely sensitive. You know, there you go.

You know the phrase. I'm completely submissive. Fuck your brains out. I'm telling you, I have had it. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing.

It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing.

It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing.

It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. I'm someone, somebody snitching. You don't even know? Somebody snitching. What, they were so intimate with this guy for so long? No, man. This SNL saved my life from my dude. I had to start. I stalked him at the same time we fucked. We was fucking at the same time I was stalking him. But what happened to him? Where, where, where, where?

I mean, he just went back to Israel. But you don't know, this seems like a relief. Now what I need to know, fucking him, he need to be out my life. Oh, so he was a toxic. Oh, he was toxic as fuck. But the sex was good. The sex was fucking incredible. Right, it's very hard.

I have a saying. It's that, why is it like that? Between me and me, and that is water rolls downhill. And what I mean when I say that is like, you know, you can try to be this kind of person and this kind of person and like this kind of person and this kind of person and like, this kind of thing and this kind of thing, but at the end of the day, water rolls downhill.

It's going to roll and you know, you know, with me, it's going to roll to what I like and I don't wanna apologize for it. And it's just, and what I like is not going to be an age-appropriate librarian. It's just not. I literally just started downhill. I literally just started telling myself that, stop telling yourself that you're gonna be accepting

when the dude shows up and he has a small fucking dick. And he can't fuck. Right, that's not true. I mean, I even had dudes that had small dick said, can fuck. It doesn't matter. Here's my analogy with why basketball is like a great lover. Because to be a great basketball player, an elite basketball player, you have to have three

things. You have to have all three. You have to have an incredible passion for the game. Now if you have the high basketball IQ, then you're going to be in that stratosphere with Michael Jordan, you know, Bronn and blah, blah, blah. Okay. But you can be just a really elite player.

If you just are a Jim Rat and you just badly want to be great, then you have to have skills. You just have to have skills. You have to... You can't. Final Minos, you at least have that. Final Minos. Yeah. Well, to be an elite player, skills.

Past fundamentals. Fundamentals, I can see in Venice Boulevard. Right. Yeah, well to be an elite player skills, past fundamentals, past fundamentals, I can see in Venice Boulevard. Okay, you have to have skills. You have to know how to fucking execute a reverse layup without thinking about it, okay? Being able to make out. And the third thing you have to have, which is my analogy with love making,

which would be, you have to be the passion for it, you have to really love doing it, you have to do it. Not just want to come, you don to be the passion for it, you have to really love doing it, you have to, not just want to come, you don't wanna make her come. Okay, that's one. And then you have to have skills, which takes time to develop, but yes, you can have skills. The third thing, if you're a basketball player,

what's the third thing you have to be, you have the passion, you have the skills, what else do you need? Passionate. Hight! Hite! Hite! As the coaches say, you can't teach height. You cannot be a great basketball player.

You cannot be an elite basketball player. What? Let me finish. You can't be an elite player. You can be a good one. An elite player. But you can't be an elite player. Even the guards are like six, six. Okay, there's been the occasional mugsie bogs,

but they don't last long. There are two liability on defense. You have to be tall as well as passionate and skilled and it's the same with love making. You have to have a certain fullness where it counts, or you can't be on the great level. I mean, I feel like the size fits the person. So a short person can do that.

I'm six feet tall. But it actually doesn't. I'm six feet tall. You can be tall and have a small dick. No, I know, but I'm saying, I'm saying that that dick though might fit a shorter girl. And she might, cool, I have no girls who like small dicks. Me, I'm six feet tall, and I'm rough.

You know, you gotta have some girl from all fucking sites. It has some girls. And such a lovely way, though. And such a lovely way, right? Such a lovely way. Such a fucking lovely way. Absolutely. You know, when you used to do that thing on the show

with a commembrist's name, but you... Colin? You... what happened? Colin? No, the other one. You pretended to be boyfriend girlfriend. Oh, uh, a raky day. No, no, I don't think that's him.

Around the office, he either had a crush on you. The... Oh, Kyle! Yes. Yes, oh Kyle. Yes. Yes, you ran that bit back more than a few times, right? It does with the most gorgeous free tapes. I don't think I started like a count until the last year.

But it cracked me the fuck. It cracked everybody up. Because I've never understood why everybody thought that shit was so funny. Can I explain why? Yes. It's so funny, I think. It's because of what we're just talking about,

because he just seemed like the last guy in the world who could ever satisfy the great Leslie John. I know. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. It was so funny. It's like, this is not funny.

And we would do stuff if people would be like, you are literally the best actor. I was like, it was. Oh, fuck, I can't. That's. I was like, you're fucking kidding. That's why, that's what it was. That's what it was. Oh my God. Is that guy, it's like the old joke about the,

the mouse who's fucking the elephant, you know. How the fuck is that impossible? Tite, huh? But, it's just But it's just ridiculous. But yeah, you did a lot of great stuff. So what, you didn't wanna do it for, you didn't wanna keep going? No, that's your, you know, that's a burnout show.

Oh man, I heard you're gonna show. That's just, that's not only physically, immensely hard on you. Right. It's 100 hours a week. It's two jobs. It's almost hard on you. It's 100 hours a week. It's two jobs. You become a beast afterwards. But when I started that, I knew.

Because if I started in my 20s, hell yeah, I'd probably didn't see that. Now that's almost like a, you know, there are government jobs, like chief of staff, that people only last two years, even though it's a four year term usually, some last the whole time, but it is so demanding. It's very...

It's very... You can only do it for a certain amount of years, and I feel like, just from what I know, from the grapevine, that that show is kind of like that. It's so demanding. It's very like that. It's a little like a hitch in the military. You gotta be like, man, you gotta be fucking strong.

And that, I mean, you gotta be strong. It makes you a beast though. It makes you a beast, but man, fuck that. And then living in New York too, now maybe if we did it in LA, it might feel a little better, having to deal with New York and do that show. Oh, it's true.

That's again, so. That shit was hard. It's parallel to my experience, because when I was in New York to do politically incorrect, I was not a happy boy because, look, I grew up as a suburb in New York. My father worked in New York every day. I went to the city as a kid with the family whenever, whatever. When I moved there after college, it's like it just never agreed with me.

I grew up in the suburbs, I liked the suburbs. Like, you know, I like this a fucking hard city. I don't like living in a building and the people are in it's hard. And it's hard. And I did not get along with the women. That was the main reason. I will be honest.

That's, yeah, they could be bitches. That, yeah. It's just like, it's like, you know what, it has to be bitches. That, yeah. It's like a horror movie or a horror movie. It's like, you know what I mean? It has to be on the city, if I may extend the basketball analogy. Okay, women in New York, no layups. It was always playoff defense.

Like, you go into the lane and you are gonna get fucking swatted at it. I mean, you won't get a touch. It was a blast. It was Jordan rules. That's what I felt. You have it. It was Jordan rules. That's what I felt. You have it. You know, really?

To hear that, I'm just like, yeah. No, I'm just like, yeah. So they're just very hardcore. It just... It just... It just makes them that way. Right. I always say that.

It's a kind of a vicious cycle, because I have heard the tales from women of what guys do, and they're very aggressive. You know, it's the guy on the sidewalk. Hey, hey, how you doing? How you doing? Hey, give me a smile. What are you two good to smile?

They smile at me. Hey, give me a smile, ladies. Also, people don't give credit to the city itself, just living in New York. Just, it's hard walking the weather, the dirtiness, the shrines, it's hard walking the weather the dirtiness. Yes, right? It's hard living their period and to live out it that shit makes you a hard Mother fuck all right. So the woman you see and it's just surviving winner like a mother fucker

So that's what I always say I was like the men the men there I couldn't get with the men there. I just, it was just so many different groups of men. And they just all were fucking weird and none of them really liked me. I mean, when I came out here to California, I got laid more in one year than I did in the whole six years that I was in New York.

That's what I say. It's amazing that you and I have this parallel, where you think it would be so, the opposite. I thought I was gonna get all kinds of men when I started SNL. I thought I was gonna get all kinds of men, nothing. Really? And I was standing by and watched them other bitch ask me

and getting women, you'd be like, you are a fucking idiot. Why do they like you? You're an idiot. You know what, you just either vibe with certain city or you don't. There are certain cities I've known as a comic, you must know the same thing, traveling the country.

You just- Even the way they hand a weed, oh my God, the way they hand a weed, like they'd never ever heard a weed. It's like when I was smoke, oh my God, the lady next door would complain and I would be like, bitch, I'm not the only person smoking on this floor. And fuck what a fucking care. There's a bitch smoking.

There's a bitch cooking curry across the fucking hallway. You don't smoke a fucking curry? Like, bitch, if curry's still coming in my phone to the department, I'm gonna smoke whatever fuck I want. Oh, you made me drop the joint. I'm trying to make funny bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would have to fuck I want. Oh, you made me drop the joint. I'm trying to make funny bits. You did. You did.

You know it's true. That is so true though. Curry, right, is it? There was no time that I lived in that when I first- No disrespect to the wonderful Indian people. No, no, I would go crazy. I would come home.

It was like garlic, curly. I'd be in the elevator, be like Jesus wet. I can say, I can prefer the smell of pot to the smell of curry without being a racist monster. Can't I? Can't I? It's just a personal taste.

But my thing is, if you go complain about the weed, complain about the curry. You know what I'm saying? I smell your shit. You smell my shit. Like, it's not pork chops, but it's fucking weed. That's what I'm cooking over here, okay? So, and I'm the type of person like,

if this is my problem, I do it the fuck I want to. If I, as long as I'm not killing rabbits and this motherfucker and turning them into a platinum. I'm not gonna let them. Little rabbits. Just taking rabbits and different them and platinum bitches. You are too much. You know, as long as I'm not doing that shit, Leave me. He fuck along. I knew I'd like you. Oh my God. I'm telling you.

It's so funny. Oh. This. So I got that leg. I was like, ooh, yeah. I kind of find my man. I hear. So you got to look for me, a man.

Oh, I will. And I was showing the picture. I'm good at that. You know what? I'm good at that. I know. I'm not. I don't think anyone could accuse me.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I don't think anyone could accuse me. I'm not. I'm a man. I hear, so you got to look for me a man. Oh, I will. And I was showing the picture of the time. I'm good at that. You know what? I'm good at that. I know. I don't think anyone could accuse me of being good at keeping a one single relationship of mind going, given that I'm 66 and I've never been married.

You're 66. But that, yes. Oh shit. But that has been by design. Um, I mean, I never really wanted to get married and I have been, I've been, I've been, you seem like that. And also, I'm suited to be a bachelor. But I am all, but I have been very good at finding someone

for someone else and doing that. And I love doing it. I love it. Well, then you have that show. Hardest project, sir. No, it's not a hard project at all. It's an easy project. Sir, and I will tell you what I like, sir.

But I have to, I like to tell you what I'm looking for. I know what you like. I like them to look like they're going to blow my house up. I can see. Yeah. After they blow it, I think I know what you like before you, but I have to tell me. Because you are me. I think we were very similar.

It is, it's not like even that I'm like, like I do like the pretty boys, but I like, no I get it, I think it's pretty. Like if I like masculine energy. Oh my God, I just like, I'm really happy. I mean, I know that masculinity nowadays is toxic and we're very toxic, but you know what?

Life is complicated and nothing is perfect. There's a certain amount of toxicity and everything. Like these fucking things we're smoking and the drinks. You know what? I mean, so yes, we're a little toxic, but Jesus Christ, you can't get, there's no win-wins. Whoever taught the American that term, you should fucking stick to term. I just wish everybody

Stop I just want everybody to stop trying to be Jesus To stop trying to be Jesus Well, don't tell it to my gardener's name is Jesus. Oh That's the common statement. Well listen, before I go, I want to mention you have a podcast. Yes. And you, like, there's too many of them, but you are someone who completely deserves one. And should have one. And you want to listen to mine.

I do. I do. Because the rest of them, I don't know what the fuck they be doing. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. but you are someone who completely deserves one. And should have one. And you want to listen to mine. I do. I do.

Because the rest of them, I don't know what the fuck they be doing. Because you're such a, you're a natural and you work at it. You know, you're both. I don't know. And you have a big dick. So you've got those three things that make you a great lover. It's so, it's, and I love to use it. Okay, well, I loved meeting you.

I know. I hope you had as good a time as I can. I did. It was so crazy. Me too. So come back anytime, even when we're not filming. I don't say that because I live close to you, because in your wake up to me, go out.

I will. But you have. Wake up. This is a good place to you, because in your wake up to me go, I will. Right, yeah. Wake up. This is a good place to party, isn't it? I mean, could you say, you know why I love it? Because you can't ruin it. Well, you can just be down in dirty here. Yeah, but look at this floor.

You gotta get people to find their NDA before you come. The spiders all around. It's concrete. You can't, you gotta get people to sign an NDA before they come in here. No, because shit can happen here. Yeah, I'm saying it's just be nice to people and they won't sue you. Okay. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I know I've had way too much fun. But I will say this, if you are nice to people, it cuts down on like 95%. It does! People generally... People, yes. you