Club Random with Bill Maher - Mike Tyson | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Bill Maher and Mike Tyson randomly riff on why Mike flies Jet Blue, how everybody wants to beat up Jake Paul, pigeon racing, the best punch known to man, and the tragedy of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp.  Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support our Advertisers: Go to ⁠⁠https://zbiotics.com/RANDOM⁠⁠ and use RANDOM at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics. Get $35 off your first box of wild-caught, sustainable seafood—delivered right to your door. Go to: https://www.wildalaskan.com/RANDOM. It’s summer, and it's time to heat up your strategy before your competitors beat you to it. Go to ⁠⁠https://www.RadioActiveMedia.com⁠⁠ or text RANDOM to 511-511. Message and Data Rates May Apply. Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Okay, folks, we are digging into the vault and pulling out some of our favorite episodes from the last four years, which we're calling Club Random Classics. What else would we call it? Starting September 18th, every third Thursday, we're dropping episodes that prove good conversation still exists, occasionally interrupted by profanity, or an unexpected life lesson, or, you know, OD'd once or twice, but you'll see them all. We're kicking things off with a singular game. guest, a man who can talk ancient history with surprising detail, who has firsthand knowledge

of farting tigers, who still flies commercial despite global fame. Have you guessed who this is yet? He's got a big fight coming up, I think, with Floyd Mayweather, and who you definitely don't want to cross mid-flight, Mike Tyson. Yes, Mike Tyson. This episode originally aired May 9th, 2022. Ah, those Halcyon days. Well, buckle up and don't forget every third Thursday. We'll release another Club Random classic. And you can always dive into the back catalog for more conversations you won't want to miss. Hey there, it's Heather McDoll from Juicy Scoop, and I have the juiciest of them all on Audible. Romance has always been a crowd-placing genre on their platform, and there's more to imagine

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and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca.com. The twisted tale of Amanda Knox is an eight-episode Hulu original limited series that blends gripping pacing with emotional complexity,

offering a dramatized look as it revisits the wrongful conviction of Amanda Knox for the tragic murder of Meredith Curcher. and the relentless media storm that followed. The twisted tale of Amanda Knox is now streaming only on Disney Plus. Mike, I have to ask you, the question the whole world wants to know, why are you flying on JetBlue?

My wife says the same thing. And you said it was your favorite airline. My wife said to ask you, why is it your favorite airline? My wife says the same thing. What are they doing on Jet Blue? You know, I love JetBlue. I just know why.

I mean, Stevie Wonder used to love the Holiday Inn. They, all right, great. You know why? Why? Because everything was in the same place. Well, maybe, I just love Jebelah. It's comfortable. Yeah, I don't fly any line me too.

See, yeah, that's why you. My wife is like, she wants me, she wants me always in private play. My wife said, why don't you, yes? She has to carry, she can't fathom it. Mike, it's not like one tiger, and you could probably just fly whatever airline you want. I know. You got rid of the tigers. You had tigers, though, right?

Yeah, had tigers, mine. I had a bunch of cougars. Yeah. That's wrong. I'm an animal lover. Oh, absolutely 100%. We have. 100%, but you had tigers in captivity

that can't be good for the tiger. No, no. They weren't in captivity. They slept in my bed with me. What are you talking about? I got five. 500 pounds in the bed with me, man. What do you talk about?

I got them in caves. Well, I mean, they're not, I mean, you're right. You know, I've always thought about animals. Have you ever smelled the tiger fart? No. You got to evacuate. I would have, what, $15,000 square? I got to evacuate that.

You got to open up everything, cause people to blow everything out. Seriously? Y'all meant the worst thing in the world. Because the level of it or the extreme stench of it? Both. Well, you can't, nothing. Well, what were you feeding the tiger

that it was farting so badly? Um, don't you think of horse meat? Horse meat. Is that what they eat? Yeah, they love horse meat and check, yeah. Oh, so you killed horses and kept tigers. Hey, stop. I never killed horses in my life.

Well, where'd you get the meat? Um, I paid for it, but listen. Somebody killed it. Yes, yes. They're the horses that they send to, what you call? The glue factory? The glue factory, yeah. Those guys can't do it.

Mike, where do you stand on horse fighting as a legalized sport? Horsefighting. I'm just making... Horses do fight. Remember that horse bit like other horses in the air? No. He did a Mike Tyson. I was going to say.

The other horse was winning. He was mad. He'd been in the air trying to pull him back. But see, I love this that you love JetBlue because I always thought of you as like the people's champ. You know, I mean, when you, first of all, people call. call you champ and they should, because champ is like when you're president, they call your president even after you're right over.

Senator, governor, there's a guy's out of over 20 years governor, and you always will be champ. But I learned something with my last experience so I'm on the plane. I learned I don't belong to me. Too many people worry. You just learned that? Yes. My right hand of the guard.

Mike, you've been famous. No, but listen, I never know that my actions affect so many people. They worry. You know. No, they inspire people, though. A lot of your actions have inspired people. But just the fact that people worry, they see the incident and they just worry. But, Mike, your Broadway show, which I saw on TV, but I don't live near Broadway.

Fantastic. And it inspired people. I like to continue. You don't know that? You must know that about your life, or else you wouldn't have done that show. Sometimes that's my selfishness and not ego. What is your selfishness? It's wanting to succeed and be happy,

but hey, I want to keep myself to me. Well, that's that selfish. That's whatever you all want. I mean, you have some obligation, I think. I have to realize that I don't belong to me anymore. You never did since you were 20 because you were in the champion. I didn't understand that to now. Like when I got into that instance, so many people called it was willing.

I'm like, that one douchebag on JetBlue did that after 30 fucking. years of being in the spotlight. Anyway, I just want to tell you, you really are, when I see people with you, because the reaction is overwhelmingly in your favor, you are like the people's

champ. Remember they call Lady Diana the people's princess? You're like her, but with fighting. But what am I going to do on a private plane? What are you going to do on a private? You can jerk off if you want. Exactly, but listen, it's only me and people I know.

I'm like one of those guys. I'm like, I have to be seen. I have to be around the people. Oh, is that right? Yeah, I'm one of those guys. Is he like that? Yeah. It's a great documentary.

I can't be isolated. Mike, you've got to see that HBO did a documentary about bird and magic. Like when they were playing again, you know, the 80s. It's fantastic because they're such opposite person on us, but they came to quite love each other. He was a badass though Yes, he is And he kept

So serious, he's like He didn't want the spotlight Legitimate And Magic only wanted the spotlight And he talks about when they were in Barcelona At the 92 Olympics Remember the first dream team Basketball team

And he said We were in the hotel We were getting mobbed There was a side door You could go out That they told us And no one would bother you But Magic didn't want to use

The side door You know That's who he was and that's great, but you're not obligated to do that. They don't own you. They own your work because you put it out in public and shared it. They don't own you. Your family owns you.

My mind is just, my mentality is JetBlue. Does that make sense? And apparently your travel plans also include JetBlue. No, I mean, let's love, Mike, I have not flown commercial, like, practically in this century. The second I couldn't get off. Of course. And I used to hide it because I thought, oh, it makes me look terrible with the environment. You know what? I always say it, but the kids, they have to care about the environment more than me because it's their planet they're inheriting. And they don't. They worship Kylie Jenner, who never does anything but flies on a private plane. So when Kylie

gives up the plane, I'll give up mine. How about that? You have a drink? Do you drink? Yeah, some water. Oh, my God. You have a bag of, Jesus, my God. How's the business going? How's the pot business? You love it? Hey, listen, right? It gave me a new life.

You love it? Yeah. Yeah. I notice you don't keep that lip, though. I know. My friends are they play football and pass, man. You're totally the joy. Yeah.

But so how do you go into an office every day with the pot business? Do you like, are you CEO? Mike and you sit at the big desk and you and you and you and Jenkins how does vice president Jenkins sound if we can get quarterly numbers up I'm hands on I'm hands on I am I don't look at I am I don't look at myself and as a boardroom guy

but I am on paper but that's not I have to be with exactly I have to be in the streets with the people that's how I'm effective I'm not effective in the room and right and also it's wasting the great ambassador for the product Exactly I'm a I'm a

I'm a I'm a worker Yes you are and and what do you like when people

say what is it done for you like what is your testimonial what is your love letter to marijuana

that has made you want to actually be in business with it listen you know what um you can yes

I don't even have to go through a big discussion about a desultation. You can just ask my family am I a better guy with it or without it?

And they would tell you 100% with it. I'm with it. Oh, man. I'm definitely with it. I am like, oh, I never knew that I'm a moody guy. You know, I thought that was a great guy

and stuff. I never knew how moody I would. You didn't know you were famous and you didn't know you were moody. Well, I never know. Mike. Well, I always know it was famous, but I didn't know that to that effect.

My selfishness is like, I want to love this. I want to be into this. I have no idea. When you're the heavyweight champion in the world, even if you're a non-charismatic guy, you're very famous. But when you're charismatic like you are, you know, when you have that, you know, X factor, you could also like, you know, you did your turn in The Hangover.

But, you know, you could be in movies. You know, you could fucking do what the rock does if you wanted to. Probably do it better. You know, you got, not that he's not. Good, but, you know. And I am going to do that stuff. We're getting ready to do... You are?

Oh, yeah, we're getting ready to do my life story. We're going to do this without anybody. We'll put our own money out. We're just going to do this stuff. Yeah, you look great, by the way. You really grew into your... What are you, 50? 55.

50, double nickel. Yes. No, you look... The tattoo has grown in nicely in age, I feel. You know, um... I never thought by doing this, I never know I would live to see so many other people with. I know exactly. Right, when you did it, it was very, very...

You hadn't been a hell's angel. Right. Right. Yeah, prison or... Outre. It was very out there to do that. And you're right. Tattoos, you know, they are moving like a fungus up the body.

And they're on the neck. And now they're on the face. and they're kind of taking over, I feel. You know, listen, you think about it, 2,000 years ago, all of our ancestors were all tattooed up. They were? Yeah, absolutely. I'm not sure we had the same ancestors two thousand years ago.

No, what was those guys that the Romans was always trying to golly? They were all tattooed up. The Romans did what? You know, when they conquered? No. but they had they crossed the rine and they conquered them yes right well they crossed the rine but then it was jrius caesar it was julius caesar julius caesar conquered gall yeah that was gall and he fought jason dredricks the guys who they conquered this one actually gertricks gertricks

jason gettrix who is he gertricks is the leader of gaul to fought julius caesar oh i don't know that name what is his name gertricks you sure we're Absolutely positive. Okay. Okay, so he fought Julius Caesar, but Julius Caesar died, and then they tried to go on. The other side of France, Gaul, is Germany. They never got to do it. The Roman Empire was halted at 9 AD, the Battle of the Hurtenburg Forest, right?

Because that's where Herman the German defeated, I think, is Valiorate? Valence. Valence, correct. The Roman emperor, that's as far as they got. Because when they got into Germany, they found the tribes were super tribal. But they got, in order to do that, they were a warring tribe, but they all,

they got unified. Yeah, the only way they can do it. And the guy who was, who defeated him, that Herman, the German guy, he had been taken in by the Romans and raised. Yeah, all those guys, the Romans come and they, they take all the kids, and they raised them and they enslaved them

and they use them in the army. So this is your, this is a passion of your history, obviously. You obviously read history. I just know it. Well, you must have read it somewhere. Yeah, I used to always read about boxing history and then it went, and I used

right from the beginning of it, and then it got involved with gladiators, slaves. Right. That led you to Rome? Yeah, it got really interesting. All roads lead to Rome. Exactly. And do you know there was gladiators that They won their freedom tense 20 times, but the ears couldn't stop the adrenaline.

You mean they wanted to, they could have left, but they won their freedom, yeah, so many times. Boy. But they couldn't, the addiction of the people. They were like fighters today. It was celebrities. Glad the years were celebrities. Athletes still always say that, you know, I did it for the game. Oh, fuck you.

You did it for the game. You did it for you. You know, I gave everything to game. Yeah. Nothing, this is what I found out. Nothing's bigger than the game. The game is the platform. for everybody.

Well, again, but see, your platform is really Prima Centiparis. There's a lot of things, but something very primal about going into a ring with another man and punching

each other in the head is like it puts it above, as far as interest level. You know, it's just it gets to in a very deep way. And it's very clear who the winner But the fighters look, how can I outsmart this guy? It's not ever what it appears to be.

It looks like two guys kill each other. But the whole objective is how do I outsmart this guy? You think it's always about outsmarting. That's how you... When you're young and you're a kid, you win because you're stronger, but when you're at the top of the game, you only win because you're smarter. Right. But you have to be smart at the beginning, too, I would guess.

Absolutely, but it's from experience, but I'm talking about at the top of the game. To be number one, it's only because you're smarter. Right, I'm sure. But weren't you the one who said everybody has a plan until they get hit? Absolutely. Now, that's a great quote. Absolutely.

Everybody has... Absolutely. And see, here's... Even with me. With everybody, in life in general, we have to realize that things can happen. What's that happen? Should happen.

It should happen. If it could happen, it would happen. But here's my guess about you. Like, now I know Is it Jake Paul wants to fight you? Yeah, I'm going to call them sometime Friday and we're going to talk.

And what, no, would you consider actually doing that? Absolutely. You don't worry about fighting at your age at 55? Check this out. We were talking about Jersey the one, don't we? Yeah. He's the one that way. He's at 365

days of the year. So if he Before he was born, how did we tell our age? Is this a riddle? No, no, but really, Julius Caesar told us 365 days of the year. But before he was born, how did we tell our age? By when the son came back. No, how do you know that? Because that's, you know, that's why we have, like, Christmas.

Do you know why Christmas is December 25th? Why is that? Because the soul. I was born. That's when Jesus was born, I believe. Well, that's when they said Jesus was born. Okay, even if he even existed as a historical figure, which we don't know. But the reason why Jesus...

Jesus? Yes. So, you know, listen, you don't believe in Jesus? Like, I'm a Muslim, but you don't believe in Jesus? I do not. I'm not atheist. But also... Oh, I don't know what I wanted to say to you.

What? When you were going... I'm saying, I read about all the greatest conquerors in the world, and they conquered the world, and they still said, they're frustrated. They said, God, this... still something greater than me. Well, when they got defeated, they said that. No, no, no.

They defeated everything they conquered the world. Right. And they said, God, there's still something greater than me. Why? What would it be if they conquered the world? That feeling that it's not, I'm not enough. Yeah, no, it's that feeling that there's something greater than me. It's just, I'm, you have to believe in something greater than you.

Well, I don't, I feel like if you're at the point where you've conquered the world, then your egos in a place where you're not saying there's something greater than me. And they did, many conquerors did set themselves up as gods on earth. So they thought they were God. You know when they said there's something greater than me when they got their ass kicked?

Seriously, that's what I'm saying. Like, you ever see Alexander the great, the movie? Oliver Stone's... I know everything about Alexander from what there is to know about him. Okay, well, I know a lot about it from Oliver Stone's movie. I'm sure I learned it in college too, but his was much more interesting

and Rosario Dawson was really great. And Angelina Jolie. And he was scared of his mother. Yes, Angelina Jolie. That's why he never went back. He was scared to go back. His men wanted him to go back. He was scared of his mother. He kept in touch with his mother. He was just a momless boy. Yes, that's how they portray it in the movie,

that they almost had an incestuous relationship. No, she was just one of those first stage mother, Napoleon's mother was the same way. They was afraid of their mothers and stuff. Well, yes. I mean, certainly sexuality in Roman times was quite different. I mean, like the way we talk about

straight and gay, and now, of course, straight... In Roman, they do it right in the street. Everything right in the middle of the street. Right now, everybody's screwing, their sleigh, they're shitting in the street, everything right there. Everything's in the street. And that's why you say you're a man of the street. It's disgusting. It's just Right.

Yeah, it's a mess. The Rome is a mess. Then the roads are a mess. Yeah? Yes. They're like, hey, man, I need you to go. I need you to go. It's a tough way to try to get a paper.

Yeah. But when I was going to, I'm a big, I'm sorry. No, yeah. I'm a big fan of love letters. So I read some of the love letters from like before the beginning of the time. Like, Plato had, um, some love letters. I read some of his love letters. Whose love letters?

Plato. Oh, Plato. Well, that's Greek. Yeah, but from the history of the world, the greatest love letters. And so, you know, you read these letters. Well, I mean, Greek, the love letters could have been to a boy. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, not that that's wrong, but I'm just saying they had a, you know, the pederast. That was a big thing back then.

Someone who took an interest in what today, we would certainly say is an inappropriate age. That's what gladiators, really know, like they were just fuck boys. They fought, but they were fuck boys. You know what I mean? They get sexually abused all the time. The guards fuck them all the time. But, you know, they'll kill you, but that's what they were.

They were, they were slaves. Yeah. Sex boys. Well, and after they had sex with the women, you know what they said. Gladiator. I think they like men more than women back then. Hello, you guys. It's Heather McDonald, and I have a juicy scoop for you on Audible.

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He crossed the rubicon. He made him so gubernate for life. Yes. What wonderful life? Like Grand Puba, you know, what a big cheese, whatever it was, dictator. I mean, this is the theme in many countries. And by the way, it's the theme they ripped off for the end, wisely, because it's a great story. But it was the end, if you ever watch Game of Thrones?

Game of Thrones. We love the Game of Thrones. You did? Okay, well, what is the end? What is the plot point? It's the Julius Caesar plot point. In other words, the blonde girl who's like, she's benevolent. sort of, and then she becomes a dictator

and they got to kill her. She's a bad chick, though, right? Without a drag, she was a bad chick. But she took a knife in the belly the same way J.C. did. Yeah, she had to go. She had to go, because she turned too powerful. Exactly, that's the Caesar story.

She was just a humble girl taking a vacuum of sex when I think she'd know she conquered the right in the truth. And she's conquered her and she got dragged. Right. You have flying dragons. No, she let the dragons go to her head. Yeah. Yeah.

And she's the girl with a dragon tattoo. Toxicating. What? It's intoxicating. Power. It's intoxicating. Power, exactly. So, anyway, the Romans, sexually, though,

and the Greeks, but especially the Romans, they didn't have this, you know, oh, you're gay, you're straight. It was like, you're cute. you know, I mean, like Mark Anthony, very macho guy, right? Who, part of the cabal that succeeded Caesar, right? I mean, he had, you know, the wife, and then he had the, you know, the concubine kind of mistresses. And then he had, like, 13-year-old boys was a very common thing. I don't want to say, but, you know, because people are, say, what the fuck?

Do you know homosexuals conquered the world? Homosexuals have? Yeah. I know they conquered the West Hollywood. I don't forget that. I'm talking about warriors, gladiated. They conquered the ancient world. What do you mean? You're saying most of the world. Their tribe, conquering the world, went out to conquer the world.

Whose tribe? The Greeks, the Romans of somebody. Conquered the world. When they were gay? Yeah, they were homosexual. Then they conquered the world. But, see, you're saying they're homosexual. And what I'm saying is there wasn't this concept back then.

No, it was homosexuality. No, listen. Right? We're the Americans are the only, um, phobic people in the world. That's ridiculous. There's many homophobic people. Not like this place. Are you kidding?

Not like America. Come on. What? Every Muslim country in the world, you get thrown off of a roof. Well, that's, well, that's some extreme stuff. Well, that's extreme. It's extreme stuff that a lot? Listen, as a Muslim myself, I know this.

everybody is worthy of the mercy of God. I don't get what you did. I don't think you have to be Muslim to believe that. No, no, but that's what I believe. I am good. Good. It's a good thing to believe. But that's not what we're talking about.

I don't believe nobody should kill someone else. Okay, but I've got to correct the record about like intolerance or homosexuality is very much alive in the world today. It's more probably alive in Muslim countries. They study this. But it's alive in many countries. Russia is horrible with... I'm talking about a country like this

that takes everybody in with fights for everybody's rights and everybody's equal. I'm talking about that country like that. All those other countries are, you know, they're kind of tricky, you know. Right. But a country that promotes, hey, equal rights and all this crap.

Yeah, America has so much. And then we got some crazy people. Yeah, America's a place with horrible sins in its past and its present. But, you know, if you look around the world, there is perspectives of that, too. I have perspectives, too, in America. I think this is the best country in the world. Oh, there you go.

But listen, we're not perfect. Agreed, of course. We're not perfect. And we never will be. I mean, because it's amazing we're even still here, really, when you think about how primitive and how lizard-y our lizard brains are. Listen, we can't even anticipate our next breath. What?

We can't even anticipate. We can get that in any moment. Right. Life is fun. I can't anticipate me another second talking to you. Well, hopefully it's going to be a good second. But, you know, sometimes when I get up in the night, like, to pee. But no, I used to take something for that band, but listen, I used to get them to pee every day.

If it's only once in the middle of the night. Oh, no, I'm like four times. And long, too. It's long. That's probably because Buster Douglas hit you in the kidney. a million times. No, he's in the head. Well, whatever.

But your body has taken a beating, which gets me back to the fight. Here's my thing about the fight. I worry about you. I don't want you to, like, you have a really good brain and you're doing great things with it. I would hate to see, you know,

because here's my guest. Go for it. About where you are. Like, I bet, of course, at 55, you do not have the wind to go around the ring. like a boxer in his prime does. You're also more brittle than you were at 25.

But my guess is the actual punch that you have is exactly as it was when you were the jam. I don't think so. Oh, no. But listen, you know why you believe all the stuff you said you're brittle? Because you believe that. I don't believe that.

Not at 55, a little more than at 25? You don't think your body was a little more rubbery and I have to live my life different in that perspective, but I don't think that I'm brittle and I'm a- No, no, no, I'm a freaking guy, this guy's 25 and I better been down and stuck on him. Okay, like, you know what? I saw this movie with Stallone and Schwarzenegger that they made recently. I mean, they're both punching 70 in the mouth, right?

And like, it's some escape from prison movie, and they're fucking hitting each other with lead pipes. I'm like, you guys, you're 68, your body could not, I mean, at any age, but maybe at 25 you could come back from it. Come on, you've got to acknowledge that time, you know, it's a river. It flows, Mike. It doesn't stop flowing, you know. But listen, it doesn't have to stop flowing, but maybe you don't have to flow with it. You know, you just can't give up in life.

You can't even, I'm old, I can't, when I get up and pee in the night, like, I don't want to turn the line. Like, I don't want to turn the light on because, you know, light is bad for sleep, right? Really? Well, sure. I need it because I'm going to piss on the floor and everything. My wife is so mad. Listen, my wife comes and go use the bathroom.

She's sitting down and I put her on the thing. I pissed all over the thing. My wife's, oh, God. I'm undermiss. No, I'm serious. No, I'm serious. My wife gets up and say, you're just a pig, because I pissed all over the thing and I didn't pick it up.

Well, okay, we can certainly work. on this. I feel like this is a totally solvable problem. No, it's not. It's not. All right. Introduce me to your wife, we'll work on it again. But here's the point I was going for is that, like, it's, I want to keep it dark because when you get light in your eye,

it tells your body to wake up. So that's why your room should be completely dark when you sleep. And I don't want light. So I know where everything is. It's my house. I pissed there all the time. time. So I don't really need light, but I'm doing this because I want to bump my head on the door or the door to the bath or whatever. You know, so I always feel like that's life. When you're moving forward, everything is in the dark. You can kind of see a little bit and you're using

your hands to protect yourself. See, I'm not like, I don't think like, I can't sleep sometime at night. My wife leaves me alone. I'm saying, I'm some jerking off. I used to one of those guys, but listen, you know, come on one of those. I just can't do it. I just, I'm starting for my voice. Hey, just leave me alone, okay? I got to sleep. I go to bed at 8 o'clock and wake up at 2 in the morning and can't sleep. But you like being married.

I love being married. Right, I know you do. And sincerely, that's great to see it when people, because so many people, when they're married, you know, you say, you know, what's it like? And they're like, well, you know, it's a lot of work. They go right to sort of the... There's no work.

Really? There's no work. Your marriage is no work. No, I'm talking about from the fact that it's the camera about it. There's no word with, oh, God, she'll give me a hard time. Right. That's fantastic. It's just, I like her to give me a hard time. Right.

You know what I mean? Listen, that's what you have a wife for. Right. You know what I mean? Right. To remind you that you're a man. That's why they have a wife. Yeah, to remind you that you're a man.

They do? Yeah. A lot of times they put your balls in their purse, though. I mean, so there's also that side of it, you know. Listen, all the time they do. If you have that dependence on a woman like that, she got your, balls. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Why's the bad thing?

Maybe she just wanted to comfort my balls or something. Well, that's a different ball period. It's not a lot of theory. Yes. I mean, that's not. Manscape. We're always talking about balls. I'm always promoting manscape, and we're talking about balls all the time. So you do that for your wife, you manscape, because it's... I don't do never, no. I'm not a hairy

person. I'm not hairy at all. No, but the beard looks very good. I like the beard. I like the beard. Like the beard. Really good. Good look. I don't know. I'm not a hairy guy at all. Right. Never were.

Never hair. No hair. That's interesting. So, okay, so you like being married. Yeah. And you're a Muslim. Yeah. Is the whole family Muslim?

Some of my kids, but listen, it's my wife, and my kids, they have to choose what they want to be. Right. They have to choose. And you're okay with that. Absolutely. That is not a point of view that is even allowed in many, many Muslim countries in the world. There is one religion, it is Islam, and they're not big on like, hey, you know what, let's agree to disagree. But listen, I'm not Allah.

I know, I'm just saying that's something you're allowed to do here as an American Muslim. No, I learned from experience. I'm not going to stop their growth from something that my growth is extending with. I'm growing with it, but that's not their growth. I'm just pointing out that this enlightened point of view is not. not found uniformly around the world. You know, you said America is the greatest. That's one reason why the one thing that's still great about America is that you can have that point of view.

You'd be surprised how many Muslims want to come in and think that we, the way we think. Oh, I'm sure they do. Oh, I'm not surprised. You'd be surprised. I'm not. And I mean, and all those guys in Iran and stuff, you'd be surprised these are beautiful people. And women who don't want to wear the fucking, you know, whatever. Whatever the thing that looks like a cover of a motorboat.

Well, there are some people, some people are more modest than other people. I wish I had the, I wish I had the, I wish I had the, I wish I would have the dignity to be that modest. Modest? Yeah. Why do you say that's modest? Because they believe in covering themselves. Oh. And I'm like you said, I got to be, don't know how much money I got to be in this cheap-ass playing with all these people and talking to these people.

This one thing, modest is one thing. completely covering a woman so you don't see any of her? That's not modest. That's pathological. Suppose she's happy with that. She's not, oh my God, she's not happy with it.

I mean, you can brainwash someone into liking anything. It's like, oh, what's that calling? My kids always say that's me with Stockholm syndrome. Stockholm syndrome. Your kids say that. My kids and my mother, my wife got Stockholm's going to.

So you, your kids, how old are your kids? Oh, they go from 33 to, 11. Okay. So, and I'm sure you have times and you're with all of them. Yes. And I'm wondering what the discussion is like.

Is it a lot of real shit? I'm sure it is. Like you're like this kind of stuff. I know, but you talk about, I mean, there's nothing that's off limits, right? No. You talk about sex with your kids. You talk about religion.

Right. Everything. You're past. Yeah, everything. What do they say, Daddy, I saw YouTube. You were with this super fly. No, they go like this. And if my kid and I have a 13th and I was wrong with you, Dad.

Why would you say something like that? No, but they must be very proud of you. Yeah, but they're Mike Tyson's kids. My daughter's like one of these intellect kids, and she's like, why would you say something like that? Right. I mean, it's curious. She's right.

How old were you then? It's just ridiculous that these kids are. All of us in our 20s, I'm idiots. You can't, yours just happens to be on tape and in front of the world, but we're all that way in our 20s, you know. It's what's so frustrating about youth, but we were the same way, is that you want to tell youth you don't know anything yet, but because they don't know anything yet,

they can't understand why that's real. Because, you know what, the youth feels so good, you know what? Right. It feels so good, why want to listen to old mother, you don't feel like this. Exactly. During the Volvo Fall Experience event,

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Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. You became a Muslim in when you... No, I was going to be forward with the prison. Even before a person? Yeah, but it looks... It glamorized me, though, to be a Muslim in prison. By the way, I never thought you.

committed that crime. Hey, listen, I appreciate that person. No, no, not that it's important. No, but no, it is. But listen, no way I learned, it was the best thing that happened for me, the great learning experience. But you know what, when back in the day, when this subject, because you're very famous, would come up in conversation and people would want to know my opinion.

I'd always say, I don't think that was rape. I think what Mike did was had sex with someone consensualy and then wasn't nice enough after. No, but listen. And maybe you're guilty of that. Yeah, but no. And then someone gets angry. I'm guilty because of things I've done and got away with before that was grimy. Right.

And, yeah, that's what happened. And that was just a wake-up call. I mean, that's things that I did do were bad to women, disrespectful. That I got away with, that I never got complained with. And this was one that it showed up. That's kind of karma. Yeah, it's karma. Yeah, I believe in karma.

Some of my friends say, karma's bullshit. I don't believe in that either. I believe in karma. He's my friends. So, Brandon, I said, little kid gets molested, how's that karma? But I was telling you a million years ago why December 25th is not only Jesus' birthday, but the birthday of many gods in that Mediterranean world before Jesus.

They grafted that December 25th onto his biography for a reason, because they were trying to sell a new product, and it was familiar to people, and it originated that way because the winter solstice is December 21st, right? This is three days after the winter solst. So what are you saying about Jesus? That's what I want to hear your opinion about Jesus. That's pretty much what I'm trying to listen to. It's coming along, but it's coming along really intellectually.

I'm just going to say why it's December 25th. It's interesting. It's four days after the winter solstice. Before there was science, on December 21st, it's the shortest day of the year. The days keep getting shorter. people were like, oh my God, life is going to end. Every day gets shorter. December 25th is the first day they can notice that the days are getting longer again.

So it turned into a celebration day. And that's why Jesus is on December 25th. What? Aren't you glad I finished that? Yeah, but didn't Santa Claus, the mushroom dude? Santa Claus, Jesus, it's all the same thing. Anyway, what is my opinion of Jesus? Oh.

Well, as a philosopher, He did do some revolutionary things. The meek shall inherit the earth was really revolutionary. Of course, bullshit also, because they don't. But... But what do you define as the weak? The meek.

That was his famous quote. What do you define as the meek, though? Well, the meek are, you know, certainly not the ballers and movers and shakers and egotomaniacs and the, you know, the people who run the world. Not the Alexander the Greats, Alexander Great wasn't meek?

Well, um... How could he... You're not meek? You know, the meek... Some meek people are disguised them meek with masculinity. What do you mean? Some people who are... Who, we say, are meek.

They see their circumstances, so they hide that with masculinity to accomplish their goals. Like, give me a specific example of that. Like, who... Say, say I'm a weak guy, right? Right, and I'm looking around everybody. They're following this particular lifestyle.

This guy has to be a gladian. This guy has to be tough. So I mask myself in that and the toughness. I'm a tough guy now. You know, it just goes, let's look a guy like me. Listen, a guy like, no, look at me. You're saying this is you in this analogy? Yeah, it is.

It is. You see yourself as a meek person? No, I look at myself as a guy that got my ass kicked and abused as a kid and picked on. And so what do you call that? Do you call that? I never thought I could fight until somebody told me to fight. I never, I used to get beat up all the time and abused all the time. Yeah, then one day my friend said fight them.

You got beat up? Absolutely, all the time. Probably I'm 11 years old. Really? Yeah. But then it's probably because you didn't, you weren't big enough. You were being beaten up? No, listen, I was this size at 12.

You were? Yeah, I was back, yeah. Well, 12. See, that's the everything changed for you. Yeah, everything changed at 12. Oh, really? Yeah. So I remember seeing all those documentaries and you'd always be up there with the pigeons.

And, you know, as an animal lover, I kind of love that. This is an interesting phenomenon because pigeon guys, it becomes a part of this. So we have birds and we don't even know why we have them. We have other people taking care of them. We just have to have our birds. Who does? Pigeon people. Oh, pigeon people, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, there's others? All over the world. Is that right? Yeah. I'm the only one I've ever heard of was you. No, since the beginning of time. I've heard of falconers.

You know, that's a big thing where they land on them. Well, they used them because that's during the Crusades when they had the messenger pigeons. So the Arabs shoot the falcons, they grab the pigeons, and they could see where the plans are, and they can retract them down and intervene. Hmm. But pigeons, what is it about the pigeon as opposed to other,

flying things that shit everywhere that... No, what it is. It's just that this is what crazy. They need you to protect them. Most people that fly pigeons are, like, they got the image of a tough guy. Because of you. No, no.

As a little kid, if you flew some birds, you better not mess with it. I got most pigeon flying guys are, like, tough guys. Because if I'm a little kid, I got birds, I can come back and take some birds. So you followed in that tradition. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, and something it's like Maybe it's like you're this tough guy but you want to show your gentle side and you can do it with a Do you pet them? Because birds are very dirty, aren't they? They're cleaner than us.

That's all they do all day is clean themselves. Birds are cleaner than us? That's all day they do is clean themselves. Right. That's all they do all day is clean themselves. Could you talk to them about the shitting though? Because I feel like it's just so much. This is what you need to know.

We're talking about ancient times again. ancient time pigeon shit with the manure of the world. I feel it's still in the manure of the world. There's a lot of it. I think of pigeon's shit on you is good luck. People that fly pigeons can't wait. Their friends come up the first day, they get shitted on. And we're like, fuck, I'm up here for 10 years I don't get shitted on.

You get shit on your first day. But it's like they have permanent diarrhea, you know? I mean, it's because they eat so much. You know what else? The shit is like acid. If it goes in your car, it eats right through your cars. Yeah, it's like acid. It's like acid.

It's like acid, yes. Huh. Wow. You ought to do a science show. Mike Tyson, the science guy. On birds, I know. No, and a lot of things, you know, do your history. But, okay, so the fight.

So who is this guy, Jake Paul? Yeah, yeah. Who is he? He's sensational. What are you? We don't know who he is. I know the name, and I should know more, and I apologize. He's like...

Treat me like an idiot. I don't even look at him the way people are... I can't even say what they call him. But he's not a fighter? Yeah, he's a fighter. So he's a fighter?

Yeah, but they don't want to credit him as being a fighter. Why? This is fucking white with blue eyes and blonde hair, okay? I don't know, but there's... You know, white people hate blue eyes and blonde hair.

Everybody wants to kill him. You know, that's just the... That's what he's... But he can fight. That's his thing. Everybody wants to kick his ass. Don't get, every nationality wants to kick his ass. Kick this guy's ass?

Yeah, everybody wants to kick his ass. Why? Because he's just some... He pisses everybody up. Because he's the looking and... Dad, too, but he's a great salesman. Oh. Great, great salesman.

Okay. So there would be massive interest of you fought him. Promota, he's a great promoter. He doesn't even know it. He's just naturally a great promoter. And what would the fight look like in your eyes when you picture it? It would be fun. It wouldn't be a fun fight.

He's a beautiful guy, yeah. Because, why? Because it would be so easy for you to... Nothing's easy. I'll never look at if this is going to be either way I would kick you and not. I don't look at life like that. No. See, you know what else I worry about as they talk to you?

And I used to see you quite often at our friend Jeff Green's parties, you know. And you were always in a good mood, you know, we were at a party. But you seem to have a calmness and a true. happiness now. I worry about being this focused, centered, happy in life and then going into the boxing ring because maybe what helps you in the boxing ring is being angry, right? No. No. Like I said, that's a terrible

theory. The projection that you are angry is the whole objective. It's all an act. Boxing's an act too. It's just physical. It's all psychological. I kind of get on his skin. Maybe I should hit on his wife. something like that it's all about it's all psychological and then after you do all that stuff you piss them all and it's over here

I love you probably it's all good there's all strategy before you even get in the real so it sounds like what you're saying is like you know I know in many sports if you just compare

the athletes on a strictly physical level you can't really tell which one would be the real champion I mean there were many athletes who could jump as high as Michael Jordan and you know do some of the physical

things, but he had a mental toughness. The willingness and the termination, this is precede everybody. Right. The willingness to sacrifice. You only do that by sacrifice. Only sacrifice can make you the best in the world. Nothing else. You have to sacrifice. Well, certainly in

your game. Every game. Yes, but you don't want to go, I mean, you don't want to go into the ring. Flabby, you know, you have to be... You have to have an ego. Like, I always... I didn't... I just, I just, I just, I don't want to go. basically just watched the old fight.

They were always ripped. I don't want to look like the old-time fight. It's always ripped. You look like you hear the fight. You know, I never wanted to be the flabby guy. And, you know, Muhammad Ali fought when he was flabby sometimes. I remember Howard Kosell. There's three rolls of fat now where there were once, too.

Oh, but he's so beautifully the grave. I know, but he got punched too much because he wasn't in shape. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but because he was, he outtombed. guys. He was tough. When you're tough in this sport, this is not a tough man's sport. It's a thinking man sport. At the end of his career, he got tough. He was taking punches. I think it's both. I think you, I think like the elite level of anything. You have to have like a, it's like, you know, three lemon, three sevens in a row. Like basketball. You have to be smart, high basketball IQ. You have to have crazy skills and you have to be tall. If you're 5'9 and have the first two, fantastic. Good luck in your backyard. But to be, and I think in your game, you have to be very tough, you know, smart and skill.

You've got to get all three. Look at it out. I'm 5'10. I'm 5'10. I crush the world to my feet. 5.10? Yeah. So that's perfect for a buck. You don't want to be too tall, right?

I agree. Like, probably 6. 5, 11, 6 foot, perfect. Right. And then your upper cut puts there. chin bone into their skull. It's just such a short and it's harder to hit. A big target is easier to hit than it.

So, you know, just as a weekend warrior, I have a basketball thing here. I play every day. There's something about watching the ball go through your hoop. It's like the likes, you know? It's like I get a like in my brain every time the ball goes in.

It's like magic. How am I focusing this ball? How am I navigating this ball in that little hole. How am I able to do something like that's almost impossible when you think about it? You know, I had the same thought. Like if you had never seen anyone shoot a basketball and they were 20 feet away, you would think, oh, you'd get that one out of a thousand times.

Somebody could do it all day. All day. Larry Berg could do it all day. Oh, lots of guys can do all day. I think the record for a number of free throws in a row is something like 1,400. Not in games, of course. This is like somebody, but they still did it. But Chamberlain did a hundred and one game.

But, 100 points. When you land a good punch, is that the same as when the ball goes through the hoop? It's just like a, oh, I must feel good. The best punch in the world is when you don't feel it. You don't feel it. And when you feel like you miss the guy and the guy's out dead, this is the best punch. I don't know why. Well, you don't mean it's dead.

You mean, yeah, he's out tired. No, he's out cold. Cold, yes. You count a hundred, you count a thousand, he's not getting up. I'm just saying you're not wishing that he's dead. No, no, that's just boxing terminology. You're not Johnny Depp and Amber Hurd. That's painful to see, right?

That trial? Yeah. Very. No, serious. Very painful. I was talking about it on my show last week, and I said it's literally the definition of a tragedy, because a tragedy is when the tragic character has this tragic flaw.

And because of the tragic flaw, it's inevitable that he's going to go to his doing. Exactly. But, you know, people are beating up on a girl, right? But I understand her, too. Who knows what happens inside that relationship? But what do you understand about Amber? I understand that she's defending herself.

She's fighting for her life. And psychological, she thinks everybody's against her, Because she's not getting a good rep. She's not looking good in the press. Well, I mean, and there's also, we have to acknowledge the possibility that she could be flat out lying. People do lie. I mean, but like you said, it's tragic, right?

Tragic, yes. Does he love turn into that? Well, it's tragic. Because what love is, I guess, supposed to be. Must have known. He had one trial already in London, which he lost. He must have known that his second trial, would completely ruin his career forever

because it's just too much in people's heads about this now and it went on too long and he wasn't at an age where you want to start new and yet he couldn't stop himself from pursuing this because he had to clear his name. Check this out. He does not, I don't think he possibly... How my life is, what do you want?

What? My relations, what do you want? Take it all. Oh, you mean if you were in a divorce? No, in all my opinion, take it all. Take it all to who you take? Whatever, the finances, whatever you want, take it all. You're saying when you get into a discrepancy, that's your negotiating.

Yeah, you take it all. Right, because you just don't want to fight. It's just, I don't like that tragic stuff when two people love each other, and now they hate each other. Right. If it is like, let's do that privately. You know. Oh.

That's just what I believe And that's what I'm saying The tragedy Is neither one of them is going to work Because she will always be The girl who pooped in the bed I mean She could be the greatest actress in the world

It doesn't matter It's like you can't When she comes on screen You'll think poop in bed All you'll see is Amber shitbed That's just You almost not a cry for them

Right? What the fuck? A cry for them is a little Beyond my My human perspective, you look at me, he said, what the fuck? Do they have kids? No. Oh, God.

Thank God. Oh, no. They got, I mean, look, he was married for like 15 years, or not married, you know, effectively married to someone who, they lived in France, they had two kids. They seemed very happy. And then he did a movie in 2009 with Amber. And, you know, a movie set is like temptation. Did you ever see the show Temptation Island?

I've been on a bunch of sets before. But Temptation Island? No, it's a set. It's been a movie set and I see what happens to a movie set. But I'm saying in Temptation Island, they have like couples who have been together for four or five years and then they put them with all these other singles on an island away from each other because they're tempted. And a movie set is just like that.

Except not only is the wife a continent away, and now you're on this island, a movie set with this hot person but they're actually are writing a script for you to fall in love with her you don't even have to do the work it says right there Tuesday kiss her

all day long you know listen as a group of it all comes back from that Roman stuff a group of persons it's all sex you know what I mean

it's sex inspired that's who we are everything does come from Rome I mean a lot from Western civilization I mean that was Rome and Egypt Egypt less so Well listen Count and find out how many pyramids are in this country

Pyramids Well there's the one in Vegas Tons of them Really pyramids And the one in Vegas still not bigger than the one in Giza I know but the pyramid is not something That you'd have to be Egyptian to think of I'm sure people all over the world

Thought oh look pointy at the top And figure at the bottom There's not like there's pyramids in Mexico There's pyramids all over the world That's what I'm saying There's pyramids in Bosnia Yes because everyone thinks of a pointy thing

with, you know, bigger at the bottom. It's like a natural... I think it's something at the House of Worship. Bullet bras. What? I don't know. I think they always think... It comes down to a House of Worship.

What comes down to a house of? Pyramid. Well, I mean, it certainly has been used in worship. You know, the people do think there's something mystical. It's on the back of one of our... Dollars, right? Dollars, isn't it? Like, what's it doing on American money?

You're right. It's everywhere. Because we believe our power system believe that's the way life should be, Roman and Egypt. We have a fixation with that. I mean, there is another, I think there's another Egyptian, you're right, an Egyptian thing on the money. But a lot of this is because, you know, all these cultures, I mean, we did come, I mean, Roman culture then spawned European culture, which then spawned America. So we do trace more back to Rome. But they were all, you know, mingling with each other.

I mean, look at Mark Antony married Cleopatra. Right? Yeah. And Caesar fucked her too. Yeah. They were like the Kennedy sharing Marilyn Monroe. But it all comes down to the power of her. They're all fucking Cleopatra.

That's the power, though. You know, everybody's saying she's getting fucked, but that's the power. So you think she had the power? Absolutely. She had the strongest men in the world at her feet. What do you think? You think Cleopatra was, like, great looking or was something? No, she was horrible looking. Cleopatra was horrible looking? She was a monster.

How do you know this? Do you know what you think of Cleopatra? Well, listen, what's, um... She had a tomb. People looked at her through the thing. She was actually had a bent nose. She was really unattractive. So what? She just gave the most amazing head?

No, she was the most intelligent. Intelligent? Yeah. And you think... Like when she came to Julius City, she was in a rug and she, boom, it's what. Yeah. She was smarter than everybody. She was smarter than everyone else.

So you think... If she wasn't, how'd she get the two strongest men in the world at her feet? I bet you she was good looking. No, she was horrible looking. Well, we don't know. To our standards. But we don't... Hey, look at it in your phone.

They were... Look at it in my phone. Oh, yeah. What are the YouTube thing? What did that look? Who took a selfie of Cleopatra in 4B.C? Listen, what are the, um, you can look at the information to the ugly bitch.

You cannot, we cannot know it Cleopatra. No, no sign. There was no photograph. She's the ugly bitch. But I will not sit here and have you denigrate Cleopatra. The ugly bitch. It's usually related to Alexander. Great 2. That was the bloodline stopped.

What's this? She... She had the bloodline of Alexander the Great 2. She had the bloodline? How did she get Alexander's blood in her? Greeks. Greeks. Greeks. The Greeks. You really know that the Greeks? She was Greek too. Who was? She was part Greek to. Cleopatra? Yeah. Well, I mean, Greece and Rome, of course, grew up back to...

Macedonia. They ruled everything. Macedonia did not... Well, Alexander, the Great, of course, was Macedonian. And Philip II. Philip was a barbarian. But Macedonium, even today, it's disputed as a sort of a province of Greece

or its own separate country. It is its own separate country now. But people don't all agree with that. The Greeks considered them barbarians. Yes. Yes, there were warriors. I mean, they were sort of like, Martens of the North.

Look how many things are named after him. Alexander it is. Alexander it is. Yes. Yeah. No, I mean, he conquered the world, but he was dead by 33. 32, yeah. 32.

You know. I think his men wanted to go back and they poisoned him. He didn't want to go back. He wanted to keep conquering and conquers. Because when he got to India and all the armies got together, his men would say, no, let's not do it. And he wanted to cross the river. He kept walking down the river, but they kept falling.

That's your thing about, it's never enough. Yeah. That's what you were saying about conquerors. Never enough. Never enough. So, listen, I've got to go, but... Don't go, man. Come on, man.

This is bullshit, man. Hang out, man. I know. I agree. But I know it seems like we're just sitting here, but they were actually taping it. That's the problem. Forgive me for my language.

I just can't help this shit. Forget you. I can't tell you how appreciative I am that you would think enough of me to do this because you're the very hot property in media and, you know, I just really thank you so much, Mike. When I see you, I think I'm good. I think I'm a weird with Jeff.

I was having a good time. That's all respect, man. Well, we can do it again. Yes, I do agree. Right? Yes, I'm going to see Joe. next month anyway. Okay.

I'm ready to move to Boker. You might? Yeah, my kids, they're playing tennis and golf, and moved to Boker. We had the house and everything that's the house in the area. Oh, you already did it?

Yeah. Because Florida is attractive now. I mean, I go back and forth on Florida. Yes, I almost, I look, I literally took a virtual tour of homes in Miami. I, look,

sometimes you have to look reality stark in the face, and I was, scared about, and still am, about the fires out here and other things, but mostly the fires. And I thought, oh, maybe I should go someplace, and people said, well, you know, Miami, they'll have hurricanes and, you know. I'd rather drown than burn. But not Miami.

You've got to be in bulk or worse than B because you're going to get killed to Miami. And there was a sense of freedom there. I mean, especially during COVID, you know, people, I liked it better in Florida, and I was not a COVID paradox. I was in St. Boston, and everybody was hugging and kissing each other. Really? Yeah, hell yeah. If I didn't have COVID, then I'm never going to catch it.

I was in the same parts. If I didn't catch it, I'm never going to catch COVID if I didn't catch it. Everybody hugging and kissing everybody. Oh, I mean, the inconsistency effort was insane. But I thought about Miami and then I realized, no, actually, at my age, by the time I felt like I was at home there, I would be dead. You know, I've been here 40 years in television. You go to Miami, that would energize you.

No, you go to Miami, you go to Miami, you go, whoa. I mean, flow, you'd be like, whoa, you energized. I'm too old to be energized. I don't believe. That's what you believe. I'm brittle. No, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not brittle at law.

I feel fucking great. But I'm just saying, you can't deny that, you know, as you go down the path of life, you know, you do get a little diminished in certain ways. If not, you'd still be the champion of the world. You know, I mean. So you can only be, as I always say, when people say, you look great for your age is the part they don't say. You look great for your age. We don't look like we didn't when we were 20.

Now, we're being serious now. So life is just, look at it, do anything, but it's just a beautiful process of dying. As soon as you're born, the process began. Well, that's very poetic. A beautiful process of dying. Did you just make that up? Yeah. That's really profound.

But that's what it is, though, right? That's a, it's a fucking great way to look at it. Can I get my pessimistic head wrapped into it? Maybe. I mean, like this joint. No, but you just think about it. We can't. I mean, this clove cigarette.

I don't know what they're putting in these clothes lately, Mike, but that's fantastic. Anyway, all right. Don't leave you. I can't. Because Howie Mandel's here. It'll be rude. Howie's, look, we just watched him on television this day. Remember Howie never touched him.

Watch Howie's thing and hang out. And Howard is still the same guy that he doesn't touch people. Watch Howie. And then we'll get together after. We'll all go home. I got to get home. And now we've got to get home. That sounds good.

No, no, no, no, no. I got to get home. That's a 20-year-old guy stuff. Hey, man, let's just chill out. Right. Couldn't Tarantino. He stayed. We partied all night in my house.

God, that would be little. Well, some night. But you don't drink. No. But you got the weed. That's enough. You saw about weed. Yeah.

Look at that, fuck. Mike. That's, you're not gonna do that all that one night. Well, hopefully I don't, but I will attempt to do it. Look at the ears. Come on, man. You gotta look at the Tyson mic bites. You gotta show that to the world.

Oh. I can't keep them in the store. Mike bites. I brought you a bunch of stuff, man. I don't know what. I rub them into my belly, and I stick them up my ass. They're that good. Good.

Mike bites. But you still, even when you stick them on your ass, you probably feel the high effect still. You know, you probably would work. No, you feel good. No, I'm telling you. I think the punch is the same. You can't run around, but if the guy just stood still... Yeah, that'd be probably.

I'd be great, right? Well, that'd be great. Brando