Club Random with Bill Maher - Paul Anka | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Bill Maher welcomes legendary singer-songwriter Paul Anka for a conversation packed with stories that sound almost too wild to be true. From helping bring The Beatles to America before Beatlemania exploded, to partying with the Rat Pack in steam rooms full of Vegas showgirls, to learning of JFK’s assassination while performing behind the Iron Curtain in communist Poland, Anka has lived a life that reads like historical fiction.But this isn’t just Hollywood lore and old Vegas chaos. Bill and Paul dig into the craft of songwriting: why the simplest melodies last forever, what made Frank Sinatra both magnetic and impossible, and how Barry White could seduce a room with a single note. Anka also opens up about reinventing himself with his cult-classic Rock Swings album, surviving massive cultural shifts across generations, and why true artists never stop evolving. Support our Advertisers: -Take Cheers Restore after your last drink or before going to bed and wake up feeling at least 50% better — or your money back. For a limited time our listeners are getting 20% off their entire order at https://www.CheersHealth.com/RANDOM. #Cheers #ad -Try Claude for free at https://www.claude.ai/clubrandom Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it.  For advertising opportunities please email: [e-mail] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Well, folks, if you're going to spend money on something and might as well be something you actually like, that's what I always say. That's where the club random merch store comes in. That's right. Get yourself a cozy hoodie. Look at this. This is really well designed. That's right. Get yourself a cozy hoodie. To snuggle away your sorrows or some new club random shirts. Look at all this shit I have. To attract a partner with similar interests and live happily ever after. I've seen crazier rom-coms, so head over to clubrandom.com and bring home some random. I'll never forget a conversation I had with people that were close to government, and they said something really interesting. He said,

Club Random. Now the Kessler twins were six feet tall. Okay, well, this is a very rock star thing if you wanted to use it for the answer to that question. I hear footsteps. Be still my beating heart. I feel the aura. Hey. Hey, you got all dressed up for me, buddy.

Not just for you, as you. As you. This is my best. It looks good. Your lady saw me like that in Florida. Look at this gold watch, diamond, and onyx cufflings. You see, I don't wear cufflinks anymore. What?

I don't wear cufflinks anymore. I don't wear cufflinks anymore. I don't either. I don't like, we'll do it to garden, but we're here. I can't believe the classiest guy in the world is here in my Ratskeller. Listen, this is subseller. I got to tell you, I look at the memories on this wall. $450 for the Beatles ticket, and I was responsible for getting them over here.

Did you know that? Oh, that Beatles poster, right. Chase Stadium, August 23rd, 1965. I was nine. Well, I was in, I was 18. something like that. You were a teeny bopper star. I was a teeny everything.

Oh, I know. I've remained a teeny other. It's just amazing the chapters in your life, the documentary HBO. We talked about it in real time. It's, you know, if anybody was begging for a documentary, because, like, you just forget so many different compartments in your life and then you put it all together, and there's just not a dull moment in the thing,

because it goes from, you know, teeny bopper, that's kind of interesting. And then, you know, to down for a while because the 60s and, you know, the Beatles, those assholes came in. They were good assholes. I was happy. No, I was happy it happened, frankly, you know, because I'd met him in Europe. And I kept hounding my agents to bring them over and trying to educate them who they were. Not in a media-driven society. They had no idea.

But you know what happened? When they came, Bill, it was really good for. for me because up until then, you know, even though we had shifted the culture, all the teenagers, the pop music was not accepted, you know, it was our fans and then no one liked us. Oh, the last year of everybody. You got your fans and... Yeah, they had our fans and the adults hated us, clergy hated us, etc., etc. Well, that's why the kids liked you. Yeah, exactly. That's what you want. Yeah, yeah, totally. But then when they hit, Madison Avenue opened up,

There's a lot of attention on music. Oh, I see. And then I said, wow, this is cool. And I was writing and I was living in Europe. It was cool for me. A lot of my buddies got hurt, but you know, it's the way the business knows, right? But, you know, the superpower,

I guess everything they call a superpower these days, but some people do have it, is writing in music. You know, it's like in basketball, we say creating your own shot. You know, you don't need a guy to pass it to you. That's right. That's rare, but some can do it. And same thing in music. I mean, that's really, to me, that's what they and Dylan,

that was the biggest revolution, was that the artists were writing their own material. Before that, artists did not. No. Right? No, very rare. Sinatra never wrote a song. Never wrote a song.

Never wrote a surprise they didn't write. Put his name on a few as we discussed in the show. That's a whole other thing. No, that's true. But most of them did not write their own music. Yeah. But as I stated on the show to you, I realized that early that without the writers,

whether it's TV, movie, songs, what have you, there are no success stories. There's no record companies, there's no lawyers, there's no... There's nothing. The writer or the written, the play is the thing, is everything. Everything. You know what I never understand about songwriting is, how could it possibly be?

There's only like 12 notes, right, or something? How could it possibly mathematically be that there's any song that hasn't been written? It just seems like it's the hardest thing in the world. I don't write songs, but to like, how can there be so many combination of notes that are different if it is a finite number 12, which I'm sure does have a multiplication factor? Of course. And yet they keep doing it. Yeah, and it has to be simple.

You want to write a hit song? You got to do with one finger. When you look at those notes, if you can play it on one finger, you've got a chance of having a hit. When you get too fancy, it's all these great composers that have done these films, etc. They've never written hit songs. It's so complicated. If you just keep it simple on that finger,

that important finger, that active finger. I mean, look, as I always say, I'm just the young man in the 22nd row. I'm just a fan, which is very liberating, not to have any musical talent, but to my ear. And I am a big music fan. I mean, I cultivate my collection very carefully. And I'm so glad we're having this time, as opposed to on the show, when you were plugging like nine things. Now I can talk to you about the music, which I'm a big fan of. But it just seems to me from my ear that it's a little more complicated than Bing Ming Mingu.

because there's a certain sort of crying quality in certain songs that just gets to me. You know, like, hold me till the morning comes. Perfect example. I mean, to me, that's, you know, who is it with you on that? David Foster? No, Peter Satera. Peter Satera.

Yeah, he did a great job, great singer. Yeah. But you know, when you construct those songs, We're very aware of the kind of buttons that we have to push. And going back to Good being the enemy of great, you can't just sit down and write it. Everybody can write a song. Most people do.

But to hit the real magic and to get the money notes, it takes a little crafting and awareness. And when you look at the success of Cole Porter, he wrote in a lot of minor keys. And in a minor key, you can really evoke a lot of emotion. Irving Berlin had a piano that was putting in one key, the key of F. He never played any other key. I've heard that.

Intuitively, I think even the casual listener gets it, that is the minor keys. You can hear that. You can hear it, absolutely. But still, like, since that secret's out of the bag, it's not like anybody could just sit down and go, oh, well, I know the secret, minor keys. It has to be some further, and it doesn't have to play off of major keys. keys because it's the change that evokes the emotion? Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. No, it's a craft. And everybody's given a craft. Everybody's given something. But that gave you eternal life. Oh, totally. The gravitas and it gave you a longevity factor. You could reinvent yourself as many times as you needed to.

And, you know, for me, again, in that, I was way too young for your early teeny bopper. thing, okay, I was in the crib, okay. Right. So, but by the time I was listening to music like in the late 60s. Right. Like, um. Folk, Dylan, all that stuff. Well, Beatles and, you know, I feel like I got onto you in the 70s.

Like, you were, you know, I was like a young man and you were like the kind of guy I wanted to be, you know, tan. I always wanted to be tan and an Irish, you know. It's very easy to just get out in the sun. Everybody labeled, I love the sun. That's because you're a heritage. My Irish people, that doesn't work for us. You know, just go in the sun.

Yeah, you just look better the more you're in the sun. Case of a tie, I get a tan, because I hate makeup. You know what taught me? Kerry Grant. He said, don't wear makeup. And this goes way back to Vegas. And he never wore makeup. And even Dean, you know, a whole bunch of us were kind of taught to get a tan and don't put that stuff on your face.

Yeah, you fucking Guinneys don't need makeup. Exactly. Yeah, no kidding. Right. Your skin is olive. That's what I always want. So I like, you in the 70s, you were like, you know, if you weren't in the rat pack, you were on the waiting list. You know, you were like the-

Oh, he's in there. You were in there. Oh, I was a junior member. Without doubt. Oh, absolutely. I saw it all. No, no. I did it all.

I mean, I felt like you were, anyway. So as a young man of that age, you were like, that is, oh, this is what I want, guy in Vegas. The songs were all like a. sex, as much as you could do, but you know, she's a one man, woman, and I'm a two-time man. And not apologizing. And I can't help myself. I'll do it again. Yeah.

Listen, the women, the first thing I got into was the women. You know, I was a great guy with chicks and I was a kid. I got a hit record and flooded open. And then I made up for it, you know, all of a sudden I was getting actually. I never dreamed of getting, in every country, every flavor. So I stayed with it, as opposed to other naughty things,

and that was it for me. Yeah, because music just really gets to women. My theory always is, I mean, besides that we all love music on a very visceral level. But for women, what they crave is men being more open, more communicative,

saying the things they want to hear as opposed to grunting guy. Sure, I love you. or whatever, me too. You know. So that's what a lot of music is. It's a man, if it's a man, can be a woman, but certainly, you know,

two women, heterosexual women, of course, that could be anything. You have to apologize for everything before you've been saying. Start the point. It's just they're hearing the things, you know, you're two times, three times a lady, and they're just... It's a door opener.

It's the door opener music. Yes, exactly. And the other goes to the brain. Right. Yeah. That's commonians. I know. That's why we all want to be singers.

That's why I want to be a Canadian. I'm sick of the other. I don't want it's always seen it. The ones have to go through the brain. Jesus. Christ, it's like that straight-of-harmoos. I got to go through there to get to... When you get to sex, it's all the brain.

With us? No, no, no, no. It all came up. You know, you can't write songs. I left my brain and it doesn't sing. somebody came up with we're going to use heart. The heart does nothing in sex. It's all up here.

You know that. Remember Dr. Ruth? Sure. Hello, hello, Bill. How are you? I like to be on your show. Sex, if you do it three times a day, you'll live for 20 years. Exactly.

Very good impression. Thank you, sir. The kids don't know. But she's on TV all the time for a while. As a sex therapist, this little hermunculus, a German lady. She was a fire, what do you call it, fire? She was tall as a fire hydrant. Fire hydrants.

I was taller than her. Her and Sammy Davis, I towered over. Dubious distinction. But she would always say, the most important sexual organ is the brain. You know, and I guess it's true. It's very true. Well, it's certainly true as you get older.

I'm just speaking, I won't speak for all men, but for this man. And I think this is all men. Yeah. You know, you're so, you have so many hormones racing through your body when you're 15, 20 years old. That's right. That, you know, the brain, yeah, it's involved, but like your dick gets hard when the wind blows, you know. So you're, but the older you get, which is why people also go to perverted things because they just get jaded.

That's right. But whoever it is gave us a dick and a brain and none of blood for both. And that still prevails into your least. rage and not enough blood for both what's the most rock star thing you ever did oh god do we have the time oh my god you know it's so eclectic in many years i think it all i think i have to go back to Vegas you know because we had uh you know working for those guys and working with the rad the mob it was such an experience for me i learned so much from them believe it or not these were gentlemen I mean, these guys, they were the coolest guys ever.

But I think the craziest thing I did out of the box, it was always showgirls. We had everything that we wanted. I think I wound up with, you know, I wound up in a steam room with about 12 of them with Jimmy Webb. You know the composer? Of course. MacArthur Park is melting in the dark.

That's right. We took. Please. I think there must have been, I don't know, 8, 12 of them into the steam room at the sands. and of course at that point in time we knew what to do or tried our best was it was the steam on I couldn't tell no I was so affected because like I mean the idea of like having vigorous sex while you're in well you gotta get out of the steam you get on the

massage tables oh yeah we were out no well I'd stay too long in there I'd have a hose put in there with cold water and I used to dose myself with cold water that's how I'd stay long in a steam room But when we were in action, no, no, no. We'd go in, play around, go out and use a massage table. But that's a very rat-packing thing to do, right, to go to the steam room? Yeah, we always, everybody met there afterward. And you went together.

We all went together. When you got naked and went in there together. Well, anyone was like, anyone had clothes on it. He was not allowed. I'm not implying anything that you wanted. You're going to play anything you want. You'll get an honest answer. Spend a great deal of time naked with other men.

That's perfectly fine. And you'd sit there, poor Dean was in the corner singing, oh, little things mean a lot. Because Frank was hung like a horse. Oh, God bless him. It's the old joke. That was the rumor. It's not a rumor.

Eva Gardner, somebody asked her many years ago, because I'd never talk out of school about him because I adored him. She said, somebody said, is it true about Mr. Sanantra that he's, she said, let me tell you this. He weighs 120 pounds and 20 pounds is his cock. That's the famous Eva Gardner line. And she was right. Did you read the biography by his valet, George.

Albert? No, George Jake. Oh, George, yes, I did. It's one of the greatest books I've ever read. It's the best of all of them. And I hear someone doing a movie about it. First of all, it's brilliantly written. It's funny as far all the way through.

And it's so insightful. And it's a guy, and I believe it word for word, because he's not, he doesn't spare Frank mentioning his flaws, including, he could be very cruel and was cruel to George. But George, he was generally so great to him that he doesn't have any bitterness about it, even though, like, he did, like, just mean practical joke sometimes. Like, and in this case, he left him in Israel, like, with no money and no money. Right.

They thought that was hysterical. Yeah. But he was a true pioneer in breaking down racial barriers. Absolutely. And he treated, like on a one-to-one level. him and Sammy Davis Jr. I mean, he treated them in an era where white men did not always do that with black men. And Bill, I was there in Vegas when Sammy could not come into our hotel. And Frank put his foot down and moved them all out of the black hotels and said they work in this

hotel or I'm not here. He changed it. It's an entrepreneur. Everyone came over and lived at the sands when they weren't allowed to. I love when you do his song. I'm not anyone? What? The song I'm not anyone? You mean Sammy's or Franks? Franks. Oh.

No, like you've covered a lot, you did September of my year. No, I did. When I was 17. 17, yeah. You should do September of my years. I was thinking about it. I'm looking at it right there. I've got an arrangement on my piano.

But I, lyrically, it's, you know, I look at my whole gig when I do it, and I try to not repeat lyrics. I don't want to get into this. Yeah, it's very similar to when I was 17. And when I was 17, I'd rather do him 17. But the song I wrote, pivoting for Sammy Davis, I thought you saw it in the dark, that's one of the most important songs to me that I've written

and one that I cherish called I'm Not Anyone. And he and I do it together on stage. But that was a real moment for me writing that for Sammy, because he was the most talented guy of all of us. And even Frank would agree. That man was something. When you look at Prince, or you look at Mars, all these kids today, even Michael, they're all copying the moves.

Oh, I'm sure. Oh, Sammy Davis and James Brown and Jackie Wilson. But Sammy was the guy. I'd sit off stage, Bill, and watch him. It was remarkable what he did. He was an terrible guy. Yeah, I mean, that's in the George Jacobs book, that even Frank thought that. That's correct.

And that Ava, he was so talented. And Ava, he said, I kind of had a crush on him. On Sammy? Yeah. A lot of women did. Yeah. He scored big time, Sammy. But that's the one.

Frank didn't want to hear that, though. I mean, that's what, in this book, I feel like it really captures both sides accurately. Because he was kind of bipolar. I mean, you see it in the music. I forget who I was talking to about this here. But he, like, the music is either like very up. Out of the tree alive, I picked me up plumber, you know, all this. Fly me to the, very up, you know, optimistic people were in those days.

You know, like, I got the world on a string. A lot of plum picking and rainbows. Good times for white people. Oh, yeah. Very good times for white people. Or it's quarter to three. No one. Pass me a gun. No, shoot myself with me.

Well, you know, when he's sitting in a bar, we used to sit with him. He never forgot that chick. When he listened to a piano, he truly loved this woman. It is the theme of the book. Yeah. Because George was with him from, like, the early 50s when he got with Ava. Yeah. He had already been with her when George.

Yes. Frank poached him from Swifty Lazare. That's right, the agent. Right. So, and through the, and his downfall was he, he danced, when Frank was married to me, a pharaoh, he was at the peppermint lounge like with her. I think it was that club, some club here in L.A. and, you know, kind of like bodyguarding her, but they were friends. And was photographed looking like he was dancing with her. Okay, well then, you know, and when Frank cut you off, it was like, it was complete.

That's right. You know, there was no smiley faces being texted. It's got to lose my number. But, yes, the theme really is Ava. Like, he has, at one point he said something like every love song he sang was about Ava, and every woman he was with was an attempt to forget her. That's, so he did have that side to him.

Well, he did. There's no question about it. Yeah, right. you saw the many moods, you know, but for me, I adored this guy, you know, what I learned from him and being around him, and I understood, you know, people have this misconception of who we are as artists, because I don't know that all artists, when they start, Bill, know who the hell they are. They're trying to pretend to be somebody that they think they are. And I've seen that for so many years.

You know, the first thing, most of us came from modest backgrounds. You get on this, this kind of journey of success. And all you're saying to yourself is,

well, I ever get smart enough to deal with it? Find out who I am, you know, and I see that in so many. Really? Oh, absolutely.

Is it yourself? Well, I was trying to find out who I was in the beginning. Up to what age? I think it started breaking through lives around 22. I started believing and getting a grasp on.

who and what I was about. Wow, that was way before I got a clue. Well, you were in comedy. I was in music. I started at 13. No, you, I mean, I can't imagine when it's like to have worldwide fame when you're that age. Oh, well, it's a huge obligation and challenge. I was all over the world right down to it was the first one to ever go to a communist country.

I was getting on a plane in Switzerland and these militia were coming. coming with dogs and, you know, the guns, and they were putting this guy on the plane, and he sat right in front of me. Big, big guy, ballhead. He sat down. They all sat around me, and I was flying from Geneva to Paris. And he said, what do you do? I said, I'm a singer.

What do you sing? I say, I sing my own song. He says, what's your name? I said, Polankis. Polanka, I'm the president of Poland. I mean, what are the odds on it, right? I said, well, nice to me. You said, would you ever come to my country?

I'm going to say, no. I'm at 30,000 feet with guys. I said, yeah, whatever, you know. So I get home, fade out, fade in. I get a call from the State Department. Like two months later, they said, did you meet the president of Poland on a public? I said, yeah. Well, there's $15,000 in the Bank of America, and we would like you to go.

I said, really? Go to Poland? To Poland. Why? To sing for his people. You know, I was a... Oh, he deposited 15 past. Oh, yeah, he did, yeah, yeah.

Well, whoever... Before you even said yes to the gig? Before. They had to go through the State Department. He went through the State Department. How did you do? I went. You did?

Why, if you didn't want to? I didn't say I didn't want to. I couldn't give him a quick answer. It wasn't like going to Vegas or Fountain Blue. It's Poland. talking about it. So I'm, and I'm curious, you know, I've lived my life being curious.

What year was this? Oh, so they were still behind the iron curtain? Oh, yes. Was it 63? Yeah, I'll tell you when it was because I'm spacing it. I go over. First of all, we check in a hotel. One bathroom for the whole floor.

No room service. And dark and bleak. I go to the Canadian Embassy. and I said, can I have some ham and some food and some bread? I mean, it was a tru-the-old. The Polish vodka with a straw on it. I mean, we blasted out every night.

What did you eat? Ham, crackers. Oh, they did have that. Oh, yeah. Well, the embassy gave it to me. Oh, I see. So now they started bringing these people to these shows on these streetcars.

And the tracks went right into the stadiums. And every night when I go to work, I'd see like old things. factories in the distance and one light. It was depressing, right? But the people were amazing. They were unbelievable. They knew the music because they were manufacturing postcards and putting my music on a postcard and selling it to the people behind the Iron Curtain. Wow. So now the point of all this, I'm sitting with this guy from United Press like this around six

at night. And there was an old radio in the corner. And they were pumping in radio free Europe. And they have a limited vocabulary. It's like talking Arnold Schwarzenegger. There's like 60 words. So, like 60 words. And I'm sitting with this guy, and I hear the

guy goes, and President Kennedy landed in Dallas at one, and he was shot. And it's just, and you know when you're so removed? That's where you heard it? Sitting in a dressing room in Poland with this guy.

I said to this guy, I said, I think Kennedy has just killed. He said, what do you mean? We go over the radio, sure enough, I start crying. I go on stage a few minutes later and place was packed

and on all government people. I said, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going home, my president's just been killed. But I will come back one day. I just have to go home. Right. The police, they loved him. They went nuts. The next day at the airport, people were coming up on matchbox covers writing.

We loved him. The Russians did it. I'll never forget that day. Well, I mean, it's especially poignant for the kids who may not know that in 1963, when this was going on, Poland being behind the Iron Curtain was supposedly part of the Warsaw Pact, of course, led by the Soviet Union. and we were the enemy. We were NATO and the West and America, and there were communist and, you know, in the Soviet orbit,

and we were supposed to just totally fucking hate each other. That's right. So the fact that they reacted this way shows you it was all the facade. And I had the same, a total, because when I went to Czechoslovakia, they heard about Poland. I went back a couple of years later to Czechoslovakia, And they assigned a communist member, this woman, Natalie Le Chiva, and she was a communist member.

And she said to me, you know, they're not all communists. There's only a million of us. And she'd show me her card. And every night at dinner, we debate about my country, the U.S., what we stand for, and what she thought about us. And we would go back and forth after every show. But the people were amazing. They'd show up.

I'd go down and do a show on the bar. there'd be a few hundreds would show up. And the last dinner, when we said goodbye, I said, you know, hopefully one day you'll understand where I'm coming from. Fade out, fade in. I get a letter from this woman about a year after the date.

Remember when the Russians moved in with the tanks and took over at Czech Slovakia? 68. Yeah. They move in. She writes me a letter. She said, dear Mr. Anka, you were so right about what we have to live through.

You are so right about your country. Can you help me? My daughter, who you met, and I met this kid of hers, I've smuggled her out of Czechoslovakia to Belgium, and I don't have any money to pay. I said, this is from the U.S. I answered, I sent her the money, put the kid through school. Good for you.

It makes me so frustrated when I see so much sympathy for communism among kids today because they just are not taught history. And just because we live through it doesn't really reach them because they're entitled and they think they know everything. And that's a lot of youth of every generation. Of course. You think you know everything. Okay.

But we did try this. It is an evil system that just doesn't work. I don't know what debate you were having. around the Bratworth barrel there at 1230 at night when you were 22 years old, arguing for America. But, you know, my argument would be you're fucking standing in line for a potato. And have you seen our supermarkets? I mean, you have to harness human nature to make any institution successful. Human nature is selfish.

That's right. Communism pretends it is not. That's right. If I had to write a book on communism, I would just put that sentence in there. That's it. That's it. Thin book. I mean...

Bill Maher's thin books. Bill, I'd come home in both countries. You'd see lines around the block in these little stores for toothpaste, for food, for a t-shirt. Everyone in my band and myself, we left everything we brought. I left my clothes, everything. My suitcases were empty in both countries. I just gave them away. Gave them away.

I saw in the documentary, somebody comes up to you in some foreign country. And it was very similar to what you just said, like, oh, you're so modest and humble, unlike so many people in this business. You're so gracious about if somebody doesn't know you right away, you have none of that, really? You don't know who I am. And like in two seconds they do, oh, that comes. Oh, you mean the three kids from Chicago? Yes.

The ice cream in Japan. They were like from somewhere. They're from Chicago. Yeah, okay, but they were not American. They were not American. Yeah, American. The kid was from Chicago. His father had all my albums.

One kid was from Australia. But as soon as you said your name, they were like, it clicked. Yeah. You know, and that's a great quality, you know, because people, you know, you do your career with great joy. It reads. You know, when you sing, you know, you do. it more joyfully, you know, you're such a worthy successor to Sinatra. Like you're the only one still kind of hitting that beat for a lot of us who love that.

Oh, yeah. No one can be Sinatra, I appreciate that. I get it. But you do great covers. That's why I'm suggesting. You know what else you could do? You're so right? For what's wrong?

Oh, my God. You've got a good one there. Yeah. You're right. Not my version. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. You're so right for what's wrong in my life.

It's very romantic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, listen, if you heard the thing about Sinatra was, no matter what you listen to, as soon as it came on within five seconds, he puts you in the mood. Five seconds. And he's ruined it for every other singer for years

for trying to stand in front of a big swing orchestra because nobody like him. Big swing. I'm so glad you're reminding me of that because, you know, this pot. You don't... Well, I do, but I'm driving. Okay. Yeah, but I'll take it.

Oh, awesome. This is a... Let me see if you're as good as mine. Oh, usually when I get home and get red-lettered date for me. It's all right, everybody in the room. Oh, so what were we just talking about? It was something. The Bees White, oh, big orchestra.

Oh, yes. And you've bumped. Yes, thank you so much. You know, my favorite record of yours is Rock Swing. yours is rock swings. Oh, man, I had fun making that. I mean, you have so many great singles. I love the 70 singles. Yeah. And Peter Cetteras, Celine Dion, that song. I mean, so many great songs. And of course, you know, I love, I always played on my birthday. I have a little birthday. Times of your life? Yes. Yeah, that's from the Having My Baby album, yeah. Yes, having my baby. More 70s,

you know, she's my best friend's wife. I'm kind of hitting that too. Wow, you're really hitting them. My best friend's wife is the love of my life. You, wow. There's a song you had out that was, it was like almost exactly Barry White. It had like the complete... Oh, the disco with Odea Coats? Oh, Odea Coats is on... Never going to fall in love again like a fellow with you.

Is that the one? Never, the disco? I think it's called You Can Pay Me Back in Love? You Can Pay Me Back in Love. Boy. No. I don't want to remember. That I don't know.

No, it's actually not bad. But it does sound like you're just completely channeling Barry White. You know I love Barry White. I love Barry White. Oh. His like top ten are awesome. He is so authentic, he's so honest. The groove and the vibe that he puts you in,

when he gets it, it's nothing like. I agree. I would sit in Paris, you know, when he first came out, my friend was Regine. Did you ever hear of Regine? No. She started all this discotech stuff. And when I knew she was a act. check girl at this great restaurant. She started everything that you see today in discotheque,

started with this woman regime. She had the place in Paris. She opened in New York. Everyone copied this woman. And when she first started, and I would meet with her, I said, you've got to put Barry White. And the people went nuts for him. This is back in the 60s. Barry White was absolutely the most unique, vived disco. R&B master at that stuff. And proves, as we were saying before, that music gets to the ladies

because he was a big ladies man and he was just a big man. He was a big man. It doesn't even matter what, you can be bad at music, you'll still get, like you can be playing in a bar. You could be a church fucking organist. You know, you can barbershop quartet, fat guys. The guy on the corner, play the saxophone.

I'm telling you. As long as it's music, you're going to get some pussy. It's amazing. I can't argue with you. Listen, when I got to Paris, when I first met the Beatles, right? And I kind of got there on a pivot ricochet because I was living with two twins from Germany called the Kessler twins. Now, the Kessler twins were six feet tall. And believe it or not, I might have been two inches shorter because I started so young.

Okay. Well, this is a very rock star thing if you wanted to use it for the answer to that question. Right. So now I see them at Moulin Rouge, these two chicks, these two women. And I hit it off, right? And I'm living with them. I was like a human pretzel between the two of them. I had never heard my life.

You know, you learn from experience. These two women became my best buddies and everything else. Really? Yeah, and then one night I needed to come up for air. So I said, I got to go see these guys. My friend is opening at the Olympians. theater in Paris and there's some act on there anyway I go

and my friend is on and then the announces ladies and gentlemen and si plebe met non it's in the Angletaire the Beatles I'm gonna look a fucking Beatles these guys walk on and I see the Beatles for the first

time now as a musician and somebody was totally in the movie before they hit oh yeah this is like they were just fringing they hadn't written was it Love Me Do? That was first one. So I can't believe what I'm looking at it. I never say anything like it.

We hit off. They come to my show. I buddy up with them in England. Now it's starting to percolate. And that's when I tipped off Normie Weiss, my agent in New York. So you've got to go see these guys. He said, what do you mean Beatles? What are you crazy Beatles?

I said, Normie. You know, because when you looked at an American band, it was ants and animals and bulls. I mean, English bands. We were Supremes. and royals, but the English day were all his shit names, right? So he said, what are you crazy? I said, Normie, they're unbelievable.

I'm so excited. Anyway, they went over and signed the Beatles with Epstein and brought them over in, what, 64? Yeah, February of 64. But they already had, Beatlemania had already been. Oh, before that, that's correct. 63 all over English. And I knew them before that. And then it was, yeah.

Amazing. Wow. And when you follow the career of those two rights, and the impact of McCartney, different than Lenin, it's you lose in all of that translation how important a guy like George Martin was. He's an unsung hero in there. I don't think he's that unsung.

Well, to some people. Well, some people, Bill. They'll get me started on some people, because if you want to go down that road. Okay. Yeah, no. To most people, other than industry. I think if you know,

the name, you know what he did. And if you don't know the name, then you're just the casual, many, especially younger people. You can't expect people who were born in 1998 or something to, like, know everything like we do. But if you know the name George Martin, I think people know he was. It's like Quincy Jones. Exactly. Yeah, it is. But the point I was making that I never lost sight of, we're just the cherry on the cake. You know, artists get so full of themselves. The team effort in most cases that's put around them, when you see Quincy's contribution, Martin,

there's always a producer engineer that's sitting there helping you and these artists, they take all the credit for it and they're not usually the full participants. Well, that's one reason why rock swings is such a great record because it's a great primer in the idea that songs are written and then how they become the record,

it could have gone in a million different directions. It was all about certain choices. But as the fan, you don't think that you just hear the record. And you go, oh, great, here she come down, monie, monie. Of course that's how it sounds. But they could have done it with an organ. You know what I mean? They could have started with the chorus.

These are all choices. So like some of those choices you made, I don't know, those are your favorite rock songs? Some of them. But, I mean, it's just genius because, like, I never was a great big fan of jump. Right. It sounds like it should be done this way from the jump. Right. Same thing with Eye of the Tiger.

It was never like a great big fan of the original. It was okay, but it was very sort of not, it sounded like a movie song. Yeah, which it was. I understand that, but I'm just saying it did not rise above a movie song. You weren't invested. It wasn't Moon River. Right. That was a movie song.

That was. But, Bill, you know what it was? It could have ended my career, I think. You know, people were telling me, were you crazy? Pat Boone tried it. I said, and it was after the Boublee. You know, I helped with the Boubley first album, and it was a swing album. And the record company, he said, why don't you do it?

do a swing. I said, I've been swinging all my life. I don't want to just do a swing album. I said, but I've got an idea. I want to take some of the rock songs that I hear. You know, as a musician, you hear songs that can be done in different ways. Every song could be put in a different vibe. And all I did was go through 150 songs that I liked. I said, how would I do this? And I sat with the arrangers and I said, let's try this vibe. Let's try this vibe. I tried one. You too. Didn't work. I got a lot of stuff I threw out. But the ones that ended that were authentic. It's awesome. I mean, smells like teen spirit. Oh, that was the challenge.

I left a lot of it. That one in Black Hole song are the ones that, you know, when I listen to that record, the first thing that came into my mind was, wow, this is so awesome. But if you missed, you'd be Bill Murray. You know what I mean? Doing that character in the lounge. Totally, yeah. If you missed by this much, and you didn't. Yeah, you're dead.

You didn't. Yeah, Wonderwall was another one I loved doing. Wonderwall. Wonderwall, right. I don't remember that. Was that Oasis? You're going to be the one who's Jamie. Yeah, Oasis, yeah, sure.

Yeah. After all, you're my Wonderwall. No, I didn't love that in the original, and even you couldn't revive it. It was a challenge for me. It's a song. You have to love the song. Yeah, I liked it. Usually your taste in what you like as a,

song is my taste. Yeah, okay. But that one, Oasis, hey, I never got into Oasis. Yeah, well, I was a big fan of Oasis, but I liked that song a lot. That got my attention. You did an R-E-M song?

Yeah. Everybody hurts. I love that song. Me too. Really a cool song. And it really worked with the brass band. Are you ever going to like that? Yeah.

I'm so sorry. I'm watching you waiting for me to suck on one I don't know what it is that makes me forget things. I keep trying to, I get here, I'll let it. But yeah, I mean, you sound on those songs, I mean, to me it sounds exactly like the Count Basie band. Yeah. Purpously.

Oh, yeah. We went into Capitol and we said Count Basie swing. We used old microphones, the sonar. Oh, is that right? Oh, we went into Capitol. We approached it like it was being cut. like it was being cut years ago, yeah. Absolutely. I want to be as authentic

as possible and have it appeal to the critics. To the critics first. You know, now you put up music, it's a different business today, Bill. It ain't like it used to be, you know. Did the critics get it?

Oh, we had brave reviews. We went gold in a lot of countries, sure. Yeah. I'm sure. What year was that, like, 15 years ago or something? 05. 05? Yeah. I just finished the Bubele album.

And yeah, it was 05. I went right in and cut it, yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. I mean... Here we are today. What? In this wacky, different world

and different business, AI, it's reproducing everything, music, whatever you want. And I'm not afraid of it. I'm for a lot of it. Well, I understand what the back end could be, but I'm not afraid of it. I'm afraid of it in general, not just, you know, music will be the least of it if they send off nuclear weapons.

You know, I mean, it's very dangerous. Yeah. It's, you know, I have a difference. I'm sure it'll do great things. Yeah. But it has to be managed. It has to be managed. Well, it's not being.

Yeah. That's the scary thing is because it's about a profit. Yeah. And when a human being smells a dollar, they tend to go forward. That's why capitalism works because it harnesses that motivation. But it is true. When it goes wrong, it goes very wrong. And, you know, people, you know, money makes people do horrible things. Well, it's all about the money. Always has been. But, you know, I think that when it evolves to a certain level with it and they can get their arms around it, if they do, I think it's going to be a different and better place. Because there are jobs that you're forgetting. I don't think a robot can do plumbing. I think people like that. They absolutely could.

They will immer. No. I think plumbers and tradespeople for a long time will have an incredible income flow. I think between government and corporate who run the world, they'll sit down and take care of the majority of the people. They'll give them a three-day work week. They'll find a formula like they always have historically where there's a balance. Now, in that balance, will we be number one in this corridor of Canada.

That's South America? I don't know. You know, you've got China and Russia. There's a lot of moving parts out there that this whole scenario can change, but you'll never replace what this country represents in terms of a democracy. I think this is why you look so good at your age because you're basically optimistic. Because I don't see it at all the same way. I totally think a robot will be doing plumbing on your house. Not for a while.

I think they'll construct it, but I don't think they won't dig it. They drive cars by the. I know, I know. So you think plumbing is more? Last on the list. I don't think the goddamn robot's going to dig it up and go up in the ceiling and say, hey, Hank, what's the measurement on the two-thra? I think that's exactly what they'll do. We'll talk in two years.

Let's have a bet. You got it. How much you want to bet? I'll give you a gold record, and you're going to give me that sign over there with the Beatles. I will bet you ten Trump coins. Wait a minute. He's got his, no, he's got a... I want some value.

Oh, boy. The next couple of weeks are going to be interesting, pal. What do you mean? Well, you mentioned our president. Yeah, about what? Well, I just think we have to calm down. I think we've got to get an off-ramp here, and I think there has to be some changes because you're dealing with 100 million people that are very stubborn.

and smart and et cetera, et cetera. I'm, you know, I think this ain't an easy one, pal. It's not an easy one, but all great endeavors, and it could turn out to be a great endeavor, because if they do get rid of that horrible, it's a fascist theocracy, like the worst of all worlds as a government. For years.

Okay, and fucked up the Middle East constantly. Just the biggest troublemakers. It turned out it wasn't the Arabs. You know what? It's like in The Godfather with the Arabs and the Persians. Tartagli is a pimp. It's Barzini all along. It was always Iran.

Absolutely. So, like, it brings, it's fine with me if this is where it stays as far as damage done. Nothing. I think it's unrealistic to ever expect anything, any great endeavor not to cost lives. The Civil War was a great endeavor, and it cost 600,000 lives at a time when that was a hefty percentage of the population. And the French and Asia, millions. Yeah. I'm not saying this is on that level, but I'm saying it's if it could transform the Middle East, which has been one of our biggest problems in my entire life.

Mine too. Yes. And recognize that Israel is our most natural ally, not just in the Middle East, in the whole world, quite frankly. Correct. It could be a great thing. It may not. It may turn out to be a bad thing. And I just hope that I can count on Donald Trump to be the abandoner that he always has been.

I just think the reason the stock market hasn't completely tanked is because they know, you know, at the end of the day, this motherfucker will abandon you in a heartbeat and get out and leave you holding the bill and three casinos in Atlantic City that are bankrupt. and whatever, you know, he got out of that one. When, you know, he just owed the banks too much. It was one of those. I worked for him. Too big to fail. Yeah, yeah. So I just think at the end of the day, he's not the kind of guy who's going to get boggy down.

But I could be wrong. I mean, I could be wrong because they're flirting with it. Yeah. You've got to think of the two guys right now, especially the Win Hotel. They've got a $5 billion investment outside Dubai. that all of a sudden they're going, what? They're putting up a $5 billion casino in the middle of all that. Yes.

And, you know, I go to Israel a lot. I love singing in Israel, and they're such great fans. I'll never forget a conversation I had with people that were close to government, and I met Netanyan. And we got on the topic of the nuclear. And they said something really interesting. He said, we don't. think there's ever going to be a nuclear bomb dropped here for one simple reason it led me to believe

that they're all talking to each other you know as smart as everybody is we think we may be or you're at dinner there's a backroom story going on all the time you're like a fucking idiot especially in that part of the world absolutely and you know what they said the wind blows from west to east and if we drop everything over here, it's like Burbank and Beverly. They've already caught, Muhammad, don't be schmuck, fucking idiot. Don't drop the fucking bomb.

You're going to wipe out Russia, China. They know the collateral effect. They all know it. But exactly. The problem is... And this is the part of it that people get squeamish about because it's very politically incorrect these days,

but the truth of it is that you're talking on the assumption that we always had with nuclear weapons, that it is a deterrent that we're all going to die. But if you fervently believe in martyrdom, as is in the doctrine of fundamental Islam, which is more popular than fundamental Christianity, we have crazy in both religions, but they have much more fundamentalism, if you really think that the way to paradise is through this kind of martyrdom, then that is not a factor. Then that is not something that, no, I think when people get hold of power like the Ayatollah, they don't really want to die.

Yeah, they don't. They don't. The people, they're not shy about putting them as cannon fodder. Absolutely. And human shields. Nobody escapes that, though. I mean, they better be out of town when that hits. Which Israel would never do.

And if you don't understand that sort of moral geometry, then that's why there's so much anti-Semitism now. Yeah, yeah. It's opened up all that bullshit. But, you know, when you go back to the effect, when we dropped those two bombs on Japan, it was over. Yeah. Those guys had meetings.

There was no way. There was no comeback out of it. And, you know, when Oppenheimer and all is put that together, and, you know, it was Roosevelt when they were. They decided to drop those two. No, Truman. Oh, Truman, I'm sorry, that's right. It goes back to, didn't the Japanese, didn't they, wasn't it Roosevelt that they handed the,

they came in and said that there was going to be a declaration of war and they were late? Do you remember they failed that? And then Truman came in. Well. I think Truman came in after, didn't he? Yeah, FDR dies, gets re-elected in November of 1944. dies, I think, in February. So, like, a month after he was inaugurated for his fourth term.

Right, and Pearl Harbor came. Well, Pearl Harbor was 1941. Right, so he was in office. Oh, yeah, totally. Well, that's my point. He died in early 45. So it's Truman who inherited the end of World War II and made the decision to drop the bomb.

But you know, it's amazing today I'm getting the kick of it. Because I've been going to Japan since 57. When I went there were still bombs in the ground. And I was going to these hospitals where the hospitals where the hospital. with all these people with no arms, no legs, and I've been going back ever since. I love that culture. When you look at that region,

when you think about the end of the war, when they started divvying everything up, they've been so true to their people. You're keeping that country together. But the point being, it's no longer let's go to Kabul and Dubai. Everyone wants to go now to Japan. That's the hot new place.

They want to take their kids. People are rushing. to Japan. Yeah, I just saw somebody on social media. I can't remember who it was, like, some big, yeah, you're right. Well, you know, it's cherry blossom season. Yeah, but they go all year around. You can't get a hotel.

Right, but that's a good excuse for, like, the, you know, there's always a crowd who thinks, you know, there's people who, like, see each other frequently, and yet it's always somewhere else around the world. Literally, they call them the jet set. That's right. People who just jet from one cool place, influencers. I mean, you know.

The masses are now involved. They're going. The masses save up and they make those kind of trips. They save up and go broke the rest of a day. The masses. Yeah. Get those people. Bring my piss boy.

And my scribe. I have to do something about the masses. I don't think that's cricket that they're impinging on our privileges. Yeah. Yeah. Lord Anka? Yes, sir. Prince Bill.

What's your favorite country that you... Oh, tough, tough. Bill, listen, I spent a lot of time... You said Israel. In Paris. You like Israel. I love performing Israel. That's performance.

I hate it Paris. Well, I've been going. I speak the language. I've been going there since... Of course, you're a Canadian. Right. You know, I learned it with the two twins in bed, the Kessler girls. Right.

You know, you hang with a couple of chicks over there for a year, you're going to speak French. You must have times 100 what most guys have, but even regular guys. I mean, I think we're alike maybe in that way, but I like with sex. I can live without sex. I've had that challenge many times.

I just can't live without good things. You know, if it's bad, like sex, it should always be like you just got out of prison. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? Sometimes it's like breaking back into prison. when they're wrong

I walk back in prisons, right? I'm not waking up in the morning with a four when the night before it was at 12. But Bill, you know what it is? I learned later in life that when they say to you, I love you. You know what it really is? I love you for now.

Because everyone's got an agenda. I hate to sound like that, but you've got to be totally on top of everything to understand the reality of shit that you get into. And then you bear the consequences, if so. Because it's scary. That is the title of my autobiography, shit you get into.

It's perfect. You can't avoid it. Every day somebody gets up in there. I don't care who you are or what you got. Life, I feel, is. Thank you, Ed. Yes. And I try to tell this to young people.

You know, I like to be a mentor. Yeah, of course. It's, it is somewhat about what you get. That's true. And I just, I don't mean just mean money, but, you know, achievement. But it's also happiness a lot about what you avoid. Yeah. Just what you avoid.

Yeah. You know, a drug habit. Gambling. A feud. Drinking. Debt. Dead. Right.

Just like beefs that are unnecessary. you know but you got to be real clever you know the mob guys used to say to me if you're if you're if you become a gambler

and you've got the wrong women in your life and you do drugs you'll never be a success and these guys they had the great and these weren't great looking guys these were like tough guys who dressed in shirts

and ties and they're on that casino and like I never saw a group of guys like that unilaterally in my life. And the way they ran their life and the code and all that, learned a lot from them. But they had more women. A couple of them at the sands, they had the greatest women

were carried out in a stretcher. They died fucking. The women are screaming. I think that's a bit of an exaggeration, sir. Of course it is. But I'm just giving you the full menu of what it was when you say, hey, that's to be great. Wow.

Visit BetMDMDM. casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Oh, it was wild when we heard those stories. Oh. I always think when I'm, you know, romantic singers like you, you know, that get the panties wet during the concert. Yeah.

You know. Well, now I get support stockings. There's no underwear coming up. And there's about three walkers in the lobby. So, like, you'd have to figure people play the records of, you know, romantic singers while they're fucking. Yeah, of course. Right.

So, I mean, you must have been played many times, you know. In many ways. I'll sadly admit. You think De Niro plays Godfather sings while he's fucking. He's listening to Johnny Mathis. That's for those guys, don't cut it. Chances are. Exactly.

Great artists, great stylist. Yeah. Johnny Mathis, yeah. He was a great stylist. Good guy. You know, stay true to what he did. I really... Oh.

Yeah, he just retired. So what was I saying there? Back to something we haven't touched on in 20 seconds since I met you. Ah, damn. Anyway, it was an important question I have. Oh, I know. Yeah, go ahead. I know.

So, yes, so people listen to you and friends and other romantic people. Yeah. Who does that person listen to you? Who does Frank Sinatra listen to when he's fucking? Who does Paul Anka listen to? Interesting. You can't listen to yourself, or maybe you can. It's like...

Maybe it's better. I never listen to myself, ever. So while you were fucking, you never... Oh, my God. Some chick must have asked for it. I think it'll bend in the middle. I think there's not a chance I would listen to myself. So no woman in all those years of all this ocean of love?

I guess, you know. But it's not, I'm going to accommodate them with something substantial. I'm going to play with I'm sick of hearing? No, no, no. No, I've got a wide. As long as you play the hits, Paul. He will. Nobody likes.

You want to fuck the lonely boy? Nobody likes to. I'm a puppy love. I had they called it puppy. Nobody likes to be fucking you and hearing deep cuts. Okay. They want to hear the hits. Well, I'm going to hit you with the back between my legs.

That's it. There's no way. Too much to ask. It's. No, no, no. I sit at a piano beforehand. Well, you have a repertoire that, you know, you're not unique, but it is one of a big, to me, level of people who,

you go to their concert, it's all hits. For the most part, yeah. Yeah, except what they want to, you know, but they can. You could. Yeah, sure. Eagles can do it. I mean, obviously McCartney, but Billy Joel, but, you know, it's Streisand, if she chooses to sing.

But, you know, it's not a lot of people on that list who can do the whole concert, and it's hit Elton John. Well, all the acts are... There's a lot of people. Yeah, it's a lot of people. It's a lot. It's not a lot when you think about the ratio. Because all the older acts, the vintage acts, they're the ones selling out.

And there's a couple on the younger level, you know. Madonna, she can do it. She's in her 60s. No, I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. 60s, why? What was that? Oh, my God.

I see her in the paper. She looks 27. Of course. She had work. She must have had, I mean, I never thought Madonna would be that person who went in for that much. Because she was always such a tough chick. I thought she'd be like, yeah, this is what I look like at 65. What are you going to do about it, bitch?

Not her. Not, but. No, baby. Listen, the United States. what we've introduced to the world, and I've traveled it, is the visual and the aesthetic and the sexuality of how we look and what we present. You go to these other countries.

They didn't do that years ago. We started all that. Really? Oh, God, yes. How you look the aesthetic of your face and your body. Other countries didn't care about it? No, no. When I go to Israel early in time,

they'd say, what are you people sending us all this sex stuff and all these stuff? All these countries would bitch at me. No, you go to Japan. When I saw this film with the ping pong player, the kid. Yeah, the Party Supreme. And I saw the scene with the Japanese at the end. And they were in that time period.

And they're standing up and freaking out. It's the one part of the film, it was a great film. They did a good job. Then I said, wait a minute. They didn't do that. For years, you didn't see that enthusiasm or sexual or aesthetic in Japan. All the years. I went there from 57 on?

No way. They're an amazing culture. The way they educate their people, the way they look at life, all of that stuff. And sex was like, no way. This isn't like France and Italy. You go to France, the wife is the other woman.

It's a whole different culture always has been. You don't even meet the wives in Japan. So what I'm saying was, when I saw the film, that wasn't it. And they weren't sexually like the other countries. Like when I went to Brazil. I mean, my back, you'd think a tiger would run its claw down. They're maniacs.

I mean, if anyone wants to go to the most swing in this country, go to Brazil. Okay, but even I, who am not a world traveler, could have guessed both those things. I wouldn't get... Japan versus Brazil? Oh, okay. I mean, Brazil is a country of 190 million people all with a country. great ass. And that's just the men.

And they have Rio. Yes, to me, the Iowa of Brazil. You know, they might as well have a hot chick on the flag. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But Japan, you know, I think it traumatized from the war.

And also a lot of ancient culture, Shinto or whatever the Buddhist, whatever culture, religion, I should know better, but it's a mixture, I think. I don't know, but very religious because before the war was over, they had an emperor who was a god.

You know, he was a god on earth. In fact, one of the stipulations of the surrender was, was keep him there. No, he had to go on the radio. Yeah. He had to go on the radio and tell the people that he wasn't God. Correct. Well, the advisors around him, when they sat down and made the decision

that were going to end the war, they said, you need to end this because your position and what you represent to our people will be gone. Disciated. That was part of the decision making. The bombing, the people would be gone. Well, there were still some, whoever's left. We were, I mean, this was a lot closer to genocide.

Yeah. Than anything Israel has ever done. Yeah, we've ever done anything like that. Nothing close. Nobody's coming close. No, but when you wipe out 60 to 90 percent, this is what genocide means. Anyway, we won't get up. I think just, we could just say people back then,

Did not take any shit. You owe me a trip to Japan, and we'll go to Brazil together. We'll see how you feel. I'll take you to Japan first. My days of traveling overseas are over. How about to Japan? Even in the country, I don't really travel anymore. You're made of sterner stuff than I am, because you're still traveling a lot.

Oh, yeah. A lot. I choice, I go to certain countries, and that's it for me. But I agree with you. I won't go to a wedding. Someone's getting married in some stupid place over a record. Nothing. But you must go to Japan, Bill.

It's a 10-hour flight. You have your own bedroom, and you will see a culture, and you'll come back so impressed. I'll take you. I'll buy you the ticket. Paul? What? Come on, Bill. I'm 70.

I know what I like. I'm 84. I know. You don't know what you like yet. I do. You have to know what you like. Your mind can be swayed. I promise.

You got to give me that much. At 70, if you don't know what you like by then, wow. Oh, there's no question. You have not had your eyes up with it. I'm just not a good travel. You never, well, that's a whole other issue. Yeah, well, it's my issue, and that's why I can't go. But in life, you never know.

A little curiosity, a little trying, you would be amazed. I'm dried. I've been on the road my whole life. I always love it when people argue with you about you. Oh, right. You know, you. I'm debating. I'm debating.

You know, it also bugs me when people say, you're going to love this song. Like, okay, there's no way you could possibly know that I'm going to love it. It's like, it either hits you or it doesn't. That's why record reviews are so stupid. Like, you can't put it in words. I have to hear it.

You know, so they basically review the lyrics, which nine out of ten times, I don't care. Yeah. If the lyrics aren't great and the song is great, I love it. The lyrics are an extra. your lyrics, very moving, you know, never corny. Yeah, you know. Lyrics today are important.

You, you're old, but you're never corny. That's great. You know, I'm sure many chicks... When you say single... You said, you're single. I understand I'm single, but... Why single? I'm just not married.

Well... I'm not involved, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Dude, do I know. I fucking know, brother. I just love it. I love the peace of mind. I do. I love it.

Well, you don't know what I'm saying. I'm not single. Oh. I'm single in this chair. But beyond that. No, single just, you know what I mean. As opposed to, you know, the... Fighting for a remote?

Well... I want to watch that. The journey we've all been on... You know what song I love? The one you did was Gloria Estefan. I think I'm in. I'm in love again. Where in that silly grin.

Look what a fool I've been. I love songs like that because they're like adult songs. I think I'm in love again. Because let's be honest, I mean, the music industry is mostly for the very young, and it should be. Today. You know, to every day. Always has been. Every decade.

It's a rock and roll is a young thing. That's right. But, you know, we keep living. And then the music isn't really made for us. Right. So, you know, us fans have a special appreciation for people who keep making music that tickles our ears. Right, right. Without selling out or just being an oldie's actor, you know, doing interesting, good music.

And again, the lyrics that I can relate to, you know, I think I'm in love again. Yes, you know, you get to a certain age. You've legitimately been in love more than once. That's right. And you could say that there's an inflation in that that isn't. healthy. I don't agree, but I know that argument, like, well, if you thought you were completely in love once and it didn't work, everybody else is going to be like sort of, yeah, this could fail to. Yeah. Well, think of the other side. How'd you like to be laying in bed with something for a few

years wishing you were single? How would you like to be laying with someone? I would rather be single than laying in a bed with something wishing you're miserable? You're miserable? I couldn't. I couldn't not agree more. It's just, I just, a bell one day with me. I don't want to be miserable laying to somebody. I don't want to be in bed with it. And, you know, and who cares? It's just my little personal thing.

And I'm not trying to tell the world how to live with it, but I just don't see a way out of it because it only gets worse. Every wife who is a friend of mine who's married, you know, because she's married. She's a wife. Like, I guess I know her through, whatever. Maybe I know her. Maybe I know the husband has said to me at some point,

when I was asking about a marriage, if it's somebody who you can, you know, be honest with and I have lots of friends like that, some version of, you know, we have great times, but then there are sometimes I wake up and look over and go, who is that? Like, who is this person? I don't even know this person, really,

and they're in my bed, and I don't particularly like them. Yeah. That's a terrible way to start the day. Would you ever go to the dinner, go out, And you see a husband and wife for a couple, and you see the look on a woman's face sometimes looking at the guy she's with. Do you know what she's saying herself?

This is not my first choice. I promise you, this is not my first fucking choice. And you can just see it. Uh-uh. I don't want to be one of those. This is not my first choice. I see it as a song title. This is not my first choice.

If my heart had a voice. So Richard Belzer, you know, Richard Belzer? Of course. Okay, he used to kill me. He had a bit, you know, he would never wrote a thing down, only got stoned, went on stage. And one of his things he would just go into was, hey, why do all singers give you this move?

Everything's going to be okay as soon as I get my neck. Straight down. That's an opera. He's done it all that shit. But the same with rock bands. Why do they break guitars and they jump up and down? No, I've seen you do it. It's a cool move.

It's a cool. It is. It's the warm spot. It's like when the gangster holds the gun like that. I mean, an asshole can shoot you like that. But if you do that, it's a... It's like the football players. They all have certain moves out and repugate, you know. Now, you sing with such joy, jump.

I might put that back on the show. And I have the tiger. Not that you mentioned, I may put jump in. Oh, you should. And it's my life. People go nuts. Yeah, I'm going to put it back on the new gig. I'm going to put a lot of that in. It's great.

You have the whole, of course, that band with you? Yeah, and I might do it on the California tour. That band is so spot on. Yeah. I mean, they just sound exactly like the bassy band on this, you know, my favorite sonatra of the happy period. It might as well be swing. That's Frank and a great. mood. I don't know what happened that day, but, you know, it was a lot of more than the greatest love of the world.

No, I got to hit you to one. My guy was Don Costa. He was responsible for my success. He found me at 15. His arranger. Yeah, arranger producer. I introduced him to Sinatra in the 60s. Have you heard the Sinatra album Sinatra and Strings? Probably. You want to fucking bed And you want to really get turned on to that Mood of Frank That's one of the best albums he's ever done Sinatra and Strings

And the best live album he ever made Was at the Sands The best live album anyone has made Technically I have his Something from the Live at the Sands album And man you A Galady is a tramp

And the energy that you feel in the crowd I think this is when they were making Ocean's 11. Yeah, yeah. Okay, but it could have been any of those years. No, no, it was back then. Okay, back then, I don't know exactly then, but you feel this, you know, when he comes out, you hear it. It's just, but you could tell it's when he arrives, and then, like, all through the song, the crowd is, like, buzzing. Yeah.

It's, yeah, those guys in that era, man, if you could go back in time and be anybody anywhere, that's... Nothing like it. Back then it was magical. You walked in that room of 800 people, you knew what it was going to be. Everyone was dressed. Yeah? Oh, shirt and tie.

You couldn't get in a place in a T-shirt. Everyone was in a shirt and tie. Even when we started as kids, when you look at American Bandstand, every kid would go in with a shirt and tie in a jacket. God, now they were... I mean, that was the culture. Now, you're lucky if you can get a guy to patch up a pair of jeans.

But back then, Bill, but when you walked in that 800-seater and bassy band, and you knew what you were getting, and that music started, it was magic. It was magic. Listen, I cherish those days, and I would have given back the money. It was just something, what I learned from all of that. Some of those songs really are so much better done that way. The two I mentioned. And you also did one, I don't think it's on there, but it's time after time.

Time after time. No, no, no. Cindy Lopper. Oh, that's on my second swing album. That's correct. That's correct. It's the first track. Wow.

That's a very bassy sound. Yeah, yeah. And that's a great song. I mean, her version is great. No disrespect for her version. I love it. Yeah. But it fits very naturally in that swing thing.

But as I said earlier, you can take a large percentage of music, and you can change it and put it in a vibe if it's well constructed. It's not any Herculean effort. But if you're a musician and you hear it, you can take a well-structured song from here, whether it's country or whatever. Country. You should do country. Country swings. Have you ever thought of that? Yeah.

Really. You know what I was talking to about it was Michael Boubley. Because country... Because he just did it one. Country music is not my father's country music. Right. It was, when I was a kid, I hated it. It was twangy and corny.

Hank Williams. It was fucking he-ha. Yeah, yeah. It was a picking and a grin at it. That's right. That's right. It was like, let's just say ambivalent about racism. Right.

Let's just say proud of their heritage. Right. Proud of their heritage. And that's all they could do. And they can't do what I do. And they don't know anything. Look, Elvis, who I love. Oh, man, I loved Elvis.

He has a version. I'm sure you know what he did it in concert for years of glory, glory, hallelujah, combined with Dixie. It was a showstopper. You know what I'm talking about, right? Oh, absolutely. I saw him do it. You know, wish I was in the land of cotton. Yes, because you weren't picking it. That's correct, but he was there.

He was around all that culture. Well, he was born in Tupilom, Mississippi in 1935. I mean, that's Jim Crow South. He was at all the black clubs. Little Richard was his buddy. You knew that, right? I know they were rivals. No, Bill, they were buddies.

Little Richard taught him a lot of shit. He was around Little Richard, all that whole black music scene. Well, and... Yeah. But there was, come on, there had to be a lot of resentment because these great black artists, like Chuck Barry and little Richard, Elvis became the star. Not that Elvis wasn't magnificent.

I mean, I'm the biggest Elvis fan there is. But, you know, it was like, oh, the white guy takes the sound or has the sound. And he wasn't doing it on purpose. It just was all the influences that were through him. But, you know, a lot of people, in the George Jacobs book, he says, Frank Sinatra hated Elvis. He hated pop music. All of it.

Well, yeah. Elvis was just one. No, no, you should have heard him sometime when you're at dinner. Elvis, yes, but I mean, I could give you a list. No, no, he didn't like any of that stuff. His quote was, Frank's quote on Elvis was, and I can't repeat it completely, but he said, if I wanted to hear a... Right, I got a... I listened to a real one.

Right, oh God. And yet they wound up with the Fountain Blue Hotel on the first special when he came out of your arm. When he came out of the army, he sang with Frank on television. Yeah, and Stalin made a pact with, not with Hitler, in 1939, and two years later, Hitler attacked Stalin. I get you. People. You try your best. You try your best.

But going back to what you said, it was not only Elvis, the black artists, and if you look way back in our history, they dictated. It was always the black music that dictated. in every 10-year period, whatever, that was the influence. In fact, they dictated the music into the culture. Right. Even in the 50s with Elvis Bill, a lot of Irish whittified it. They were a clergyman's answer, and they were ripping them off left and right, but we were, I loved, I was, that's all I was listening to. My buddy was Fats Nomino.

I met him and Chuck Berry. When they came to my town in Ottawa, I broke in through a back door because I had some songs and I broke into a dressing room. and I ran into Chuck Berry in his dressing room, and I went in and I had this new white jacket that I wanted them to sign. I was a big fan of all that stuff. And he peed on it? No, no, no, I ran before I pull it out.

I'm sure he could have thrown it out and he gave me a concussion. I'd give you Chuck Berry's stories. But I walk in, though. And he said and put his guitar away, he said, hey, Mr. Ram, I'm a fan. And, you know, I sing him, blah, blah, blah. And he's looking at him.

And I start singing Diana to him. This is before I recorded it. Wow. I'm so young, you know, he's a blah, And he looked at me, he says, go back to school, kid. It's terrible. And it's in his book. The year later, I was working with him with New York Paramo.

I said, Mr. Barry, here I am again. And what did he say? Yeah, Paul, you know it, but he was, listen. Well, did he own his bad prediction? Oh, yeah, yeah, he was a cool. He did. He was cool. He was on tour with us, and we would travel this wonderful family that became my partner,

the Feld family, the own drugstores out of Washington. They would book 15 of us, if you remember those caravan of stars. Yeah, sure. We'd all do two songs. We'd travel throughout the country. When Chuck was with us, if we were leaving the state of New York and we had to go over into Illinois or go south down there to Tennessee or what have you, we would have to fly him from New York over to three more states further.

because the police were after him he was knocking up chicks left and right and he did the whole tour like that they finally arrested him in Canada oh he was a stickhold of this guy oh boy he's a stud if you held a snake you'd be fucking

God bless him he was it I'm not saying he had perfect morals but wow what a baller just the balls you know it was like that as a black man who in an ever when they'd just you know, white people didn't act this bad and get away with it.

Just because of sheer guts and I'm going to be there was Jack Johnson. Oh. The boxer. Totally. You know, at like 1910. Yeah. Or 20, whatever. But like openly going out with white women, things you just, in many places would get you immediately lynched.

Yeah. Boy. But you talk about balls, Bill. Balls. We live today. Right now, this modern society, where all men. in this country have balls, but very few know how to use them. It's terrible, what I see.

It's sad. Do you know that I'm getting the Mark Twain Award? Yeah, he read that. Is Trump showing up? See, I'm using my balls. Hey, that's what they give it to you for. What you went through the last couple, you were the only one with balls. There you go.

You took a whole fucking bevy of stuff, and I must commend you for that. You know that. And look how right you turned out. With everything you stood up for? I'm always right, Paul. It gets boring. You know why you and I will always get along? Because you're right, too.

No, because you're very, very smart, and I'm always right. Well, I so appreciate you being so open and candid, and, you know, it's so hard to get a guest to completely be like, you know what, I'm playing with the house money. You can't fuck with me on anything. I'm a, and that's you. You know, like you talk about your, your romances, and you don't couch it.

I've had so many pussies who are like, they know their wife is watching. So if you ask him about the old days, he's like, you know, let's get off that subject. No, it's your life. Not real. That's another great one on there. It's My Life.

It's My Life. Bon Jovi. That's, no, no. It's my life. That's no doubt. Wait a minute. It's my life. Isn't that Bon Jovi?

No. It's my life. Well, I don't know if it's up. Yeah. It's my life now or never. I ain't going to live forever. Yes. Ain't going to live.

I'm alive. Bon Jovi. You think? Which one were you thinking about? It's a sin? It's my life. That's Bon Jovi, baby. I can promise you it's Bon Jovi.

You want to tack it on to the other bed? I will bet you have 20 gold. Okay. I want you to shake on that. right now look at me in the eyes honey you're gonna fucking pay up bon jovi it's my life what do you think of that i think i'm gonna win this bet okay i do i i think i'm gonna win this bet i absolutely do it's my life i think is no doubt i think that is gwen stephanie i think it's my life now or never ain't gonna live until And then you go into a lyric, Frank.

Frank said it. My friend does it, said he did it my way. Which is a great. That's their line. I didn't write that. Oh, really? They put it to the original lyric, Bon Jovi. You mean Gwen Stefani?

Yeah, well, her sister who's related to Bon Jovi, who plagiarized. Well, one of us is going to look like a stoned idiot. I'm walking out of here with some major money, baby. Really? Absolutely, Bon Jovi. We'll see. We're going to know because I know you've got a very hip, cool girlfriend, and she probably knows all about that.

She's going to tell us when we see her. She never heard her to be Bon Jovi? No. I can almost promise you. Really? Yes. What you have to listen to that? She would definitely, I love her dearly,

but she would definitely be the last person you'd want to arbitrate this. But I bet she knows Von Jovi. You know, the name would ring a bell. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought it was. how Italians say good morning. It just can't expect... That's bonjourno. You can't expect people to know things before they know them.

I always say, I'm going to write a book someday. Yeah. I'm called Gaspacho soup is cold. Because I remember when I did not know this and made a bit of a fool of myself in a restaurant. Right. And the point is... It was a Chinese restaurant.

Point is, you're not born knowing that this Pacha Zup is... Of course not. There was a moment, everything you know, you learned at a single moment. Correct. You just didn't memorialize it. But every... So, like, at some moment, she will hear about Banjo for you. But I don't think that moment has arrived.

And why shouldn't? It's not one of the more important things. But you never know. Some people are... You never know. Some people have done homework and... Oh, I got to ask you. you this. So, I mean, Michael Jackson, amazing, singer, amazing dancer, songwriter,

unconventional babysitter, we would acknowledge. No comments. And you, the weirdest thing about him to me, after even all, everything else weird, is he didn't release the song you wrote with him. This is it. No, no, the other one. Love never felt so good. Love never felt so good. Which was like maybe my favorite Michael Jackson song of all time.

Right. And I was like, why didn't they release that when they cut it? Why did I have to wait until after he died? Okay. I mean, why put that one in the vault? So let me give you the background. I think you do know. We started that project in the 80s.

I was doing a duets album for Sony, major artist Michael McDonald's. Yeah, oh, I know. And Michael wanted to be on the album. And we started in my studio in Carmel. And I laid down these three songs that ultimately came out, and he was living in my guest house. And you wrote them? With him. With him? Oh, yeah. Well, that's what I know, the process.

Yeah. So we sit in a room, and I'd give him some different chords, because he's not a musician, and a lot of them are today. They work off computers. So it was a true collaboration? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely collaboration. McCartney always said that he and Lennon wrote nose to nose because they would be on the little bed in there. Not that Michael had a note. But if he did.

No, I'm sorry. I knew the old nose. I knew the old nose. I go back to him, the family season. But was it like that? Yes. It was truly a collaboration? Oh, that's good.

Okay. He's dead. I'm not going to sit here. Go, no, I wrote 90%. That's bullshit. We sat in a room together, and when the juices are flowing and collaborated, it comes out. I don't care of a percent. All I wanted to know.

Okay, so we're sitting there, and we finish these basic tracks, me at the piano, his vocals. Thriller comes out and goes through the roof. And Michael was so absorbed, and every minute of the day was about show business, what he could, but he was totally involved, this guy. And I'd sit at dinner, and I'd talk, and talk, it was a sponge. We finished the first stage of these, and I had to go to L.A. to finish them, because I'd finished every day. everybody else, Loggins, McDonald, and Sony wanted the album. He leaves my home, thriller comes out, goes through the roof. Whatever changed him in terms of where he felt his gravitas and who he was,

he stole the tapes out of the studio. And I say that affectionately. He took the tapes out of the studio, and the studio called said, Mr. Anger, Michael Jackson came and took the tapes. I said, what do you mean? They belong to me. Can't they? No, he took him.

Who let that happen? the studio because he was on the box with me. Hello, I'm Michael Jackson. I'm Michael Jackson. I'm ready with Paul Anken. He went to the studio, Sunset Sound and they gave him the tapes. No big deal. Michael Jackson walked in and said, Bill, I need this buck and come when I sold you the house.

So they gave him the tapes. I go to his lawyers. I sit down with him. I'll try to, listen, as Mark Twain said, he'd give me a little more time and make it shorter, but here we are. So I get his lawyers, we get, and I say, guys, we have a contract,

point you through we go around finally he gives me back there's no litigation gives me back the tapes and they sit because i can't finish the project they sit there i can't get him he won't come in the studio years later where he passes they go into his drawer and they find he copied the tapes they find them thinking they were his they now bring in other producers and they start sweetening all those songs which means they add rhythm sections, violins, everything that you heard, and they called me.

They said, you know, thank you for settling this because when it got into an issue, say, just give me 50% of everything. Okay, that's all. I'm not going to hold you up. I'm not going to hold you up. They would call me each time they'd find the song. After this is at, the guy that ran his

music and all that, the guy's name Malone nice guy he said oh I've got this other song that you know we found he starts playing it over the phone I said I wrote that too he said what I said don't worry about it

just do what you want to do and they conversed and they were very amiable don't they but they sweetened that and then released everything the way they saw it they hadn't found love never felt so good they just found a box of tapes but it wasn't the tape that they returned

to you it wasn't no he copied, he took out of the studio, copied them. But so you had your own copy? I had my own copies and he had his own copies. So you could have put it out? No, not without his participation. Really? He wouldn't come in and finish, no.

He doesn't have a, I mean, Paul McCartney, I don't think, talks a lot about it because he's a classy guy who doesn't want to talk a lot of shit. Publishing companies. I feel like there's a lot of bad blood there. It was, yeah. And then Michael Jackson was sort of a ruthless shark in business. I mean You know

It's hard for me I liked him as a talent And working with him I guess if you call it ruthless Taking the tapes It's business Okay Is it the right business

Maybe not But he was on top of his business And he ran everything He was very hands-on And that was it That was his reputation But I can't blame a young guy The kid that's got all those issues

In his life Trying to protect his life You can't blame them You know Most of these young talent all of us, you wind up in the wrong hands, like a lot of them. You're in trouble. Because you're coming out last.

The record company's making the money, the agents are making the money, the money. The artists don't wind up with all of that money until down the road, if, if, if. Doesn't work that way. Never has worked. Look at today. Writers don't get royalties, all this streaming.

They need a totally new format so that everybody gets paid properly. Because right now, the record companies are getting paid. But the artists and the writer, There has to be a whole new menu implicated with all of this streaming. I thought nobody was getting paid because of streaming. Record companies get paid.

They make the deals. Yeah. I think the streaming companies will make money and go in and use AI and create their own artists and put that up. That'll be the next stroke.

I do feel, not that it's a competition between us, I do feel that your business is more susceptible to being fucked by AI than mine. I have yet to say, them really be funny? Like, funny, what? Correct. Correct. Correct. Hello. But they can write, but they can make a song. I think there's already been a song.

Still, number one country where in the country is AI. Is that right? And there's another one out. Some guy, but he's making a fortune. That's it? No, you think they're going to be a Bill Maher. They're going to sit in the room like, if people see you up there, you're doing your shit. I know, like as a creator, you're up to four in the fucking morning writing and preparing. They don't see what goes on. in the background. Right.

I'm up to three in the morning, getting arrangements together, do it, just like I'm sure you do. Your hands-on with what you do. No, I'm telling you, you're, I work a very full week, and I do work very hard, but I feel like you are definitely made of Turner stuff. And I say that I'm not jealous at all.

I don't want to work that hard. I got off, I was toured as a stand-up for 42 years. I stopped last year. I'm glad I stopped. I miss doing it. I miss being on stage. There's nothing like that. a theater of people who bought a ticket to see you.

So they're pre-fans. They want me to do the thing I do, and I want to do it for them. I miss that love that's very prevalent in your concerts. I know I've seen, and I got the report. But, you know, I just, I don't want to push myself. You know, at 84, I cannot imagine traveling even domestically, let alone, you know, wherever the fuck you're going. a world tour where you know you don't speak the language always and like new

bathroom and new hotel and always unpacking you old woman you having to like cut open an orange with a can open it because there's no fucking knife in the room that ain't me baby there's a knife in a room and there's everything no no no always i mean i don't have a retinue of 50 people kissing my ass i got a couple and we've got it all blueprinted and i travel easy and I love it and you should go out and do a few dates because I've seen you and I've seen all the stuff. There's no rush like it, Bill. You can.

There's no rush like it. I know. For an hour and a half? You've been there. I get it. I get it. I know. Never say no.

Well, first of all, stand up is not the kind of thing where you can just suddenly pick it up. It's like playing the cello. You have to like stay in practice. You have to have an act. Milege. Well, you got to work. I mean, I always had three, not always, but I always had two jobs, my TV show, and then stand-up, and then I added the podcast. So for a while I did three jobs.

Two is plenty. And travel is not healthy. You know, just travel itself is not that healthy. And but some people, you know, you're obviously very adoptable. I bet you you sleep well on the road. I sleep when I sleep I don't say I gotta get eight hours I don't

I'm up and I'm doing but I get what I need to protect my throat And not to feel like shit Well I never feel like shit I'll never go on a stage feeling like shit No no no but like if you don't get enough sleep don't you Oh I'm sleeping I'm gonna get six hours minimum So you never feel like shit from lack of sleep

Because I do something on the road Anywhere Oh anywhere yeah Oh no when I'm not on stage or committed there Oh fuck yeah I'm not saying you can't. I mean, we work. Look, we're from a generation that we work even when we don't feel good. That's when they smile when they are low. You know, come on. That's not how the kids are today. No, they're weak. I mean, we're talking. We're raising a bunch of weak entitled kids. Chapel Rhone has a hangnail. That show has canceled because, I mean, they just don't even give an excuse some of them. Or just like, it's basically, I feel. feel shitty. I don't feel like it tonight. I don't feel like, I know you all got babysitters

and fucking arrange your life around this for three months. But sorry, you know, I'll do it when I feel better. And the fans put up with it. That's the power of music. That's how powerful music is. The fans do put up with a lot of shit from these brats these days. And they don't, you know. Canceling an hour out. Tickets, $14,000, $12,000. Where are these money coming from? Who is this? Daddy and Mommy? Yes. Are you, look at that on the wall, $4.50 to see the Beatles. A ticket to my fair lady was $6.

For four years? How many years? In 1950s. How many years are we? Four years, six years? Long run. Oh, my fair lady? Yeah, how long?

Forever. Is it one of the greatest? I'm in the middle of my Broadway thing. I'm working with a writer now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're doing that on real time. What is the, tell me about it? Well, I'm working with a very talented guy, Rupert Holmes.

Very successful. Very successful. What was his hit? He did a few things on Broadway. I don't want to misrepresent. But the point was, I went through a few writers. I finally got a guy that gets it. The point I'm making is that process now of working with him and the selection and the songs is not a jukebox show.

We've got to find two actors. Got to get the director that gets it. And now we're in that think tank, hopefully to be done in a year and a half. So what is the one-liner to sell the show? Like, what's this... We're not even there yet. No, but if somebody said, what's the show about? It's about a young kid from Canada who, blah, blah, blah, blah, wrote a bunch of songs and.

Right. Sold. You had me in Canada because I love the Canadians. Oh, I love. of Canada. Those are my people. I have a lot of history in Canada. Yeah. And it's, it is different. I mean, no question. I remember not that long, maybe 10 years ago, I was there a lot. I was seeing somebody there and was in a bar in Toronto with a bunch of her friends and there's a lot of drinks. And I think I tipped the bartender like twice. And the third time I wanted to do it, he pushed it back.

And I said, he said, no, you give me enough. I was like, you know, in America you could be arrested. That's right. Trump would take a very dim view of someone turning down money. And that's Canada. I mean, I always think of that as Canada as opposed to America, you know, just... Different homogenous. We're not a homogenous nation here.

You look at homogenous nations, Asian, wherever, different cultures. We're not homogenous. That's been part of what we have to deal with, but that's the greatness of America. But Canada is homogenous. Only now are they feeling it. A city like Toronto, there's over 400,000 immigrants. Yeah.

And their crime rate has gone through the roof. Yeah. No, Canada and England. Oh, that's a whole other. You know, in my lifetime. And again, there's not a complaint, haters, for the better became way more diverse. I was in London,

the first time in 1984. So I'm not saying it was better that it was in all-white city. I'm glad historically I got to see this thing. Back when, like, it looked like World War II, Britain, the food was horrible. Everything was Brussels and some boy. There was no English cuisine.

Right. The television had two channels. That's right. You know, there was in England. That's right. And I'm not saying it was all better. And I think London now is like, I mean, it's like I think 70% minority or something.

So we're nine million. So, you know, this is called progress. That's right. I just am. And they're leaving in with just like France. But I'm always having to beg progressives to like enjoy the product you're selling progress. They really hate progress. You know, there's something about their psyche that has to say, no, we haven't done enough.

Yeah, of course we haven't done enough. Yeah. But we did this. And could you just take the W once in a while? Do we always have to bitch? Yeah. I mean, if I wanted bitching, I'd get married. Yeah.

It's a different landscape out there today, big time, certainly on this part of the world. I mean, you look at Sweden the other day. Now they're vetting out those that they let in. If they don't have jobs, they're going back again. I've spent a lot of time in Scandinavia, and there are a whole other different culture over there. What was the name of the country?

the sisters over there. Oh, there was only one. The only sisters were the Kessler girls. Oh, really? No, they were little blonde beauties with blue eyes. And I was up there singing my little heart out, sending my rodeo out. That one, that one, that one. We were stopping from city to city.

I've taken them in the woods up against a tree. I couldn't wait another two hours. I was a naughty boy. I'm so glad you can enjoy your past. I'm telling you this is a rare. At 84, so what? What am I hiding? Why?

Sweetheart. This is the right attitude. Of course. I'm just trying to tell you, it's rare. People just don't have the confidence, the assurance, the made manness that you possess to just do that. Because they're afraid. And, you know, there's something more attractive than actually not being afraid. Right.

Especially that you're not saying anything that controversial. Listen, doesn't everybody dream. about jumping out of a car with a beauty and running in the woods up against an oak tree? Of course. Why are you going to spend money on a room in Rachmerburg? No, I had some great times over there. That was a cool country.

You seem like you were always having a great time. You got to have fun, Bill. I realize somewhere along the way, you've got to have fun, man. Humor is the final refuge of sanity. If I meet someone with no humor, bye-bye. Right. Bye-bye.

And I'm sat at many tables. But, man, little, little, blah, blah, blah. Gotta have fun, buddy. I mean, that is one of the good things about being single. It's like you decide who you get to be with. Yeah. I mean, when you're in a couple, I mean, I'm not knocking it. I've done it.

And, you know, there are things about it that are amazing. But everything is a negotiation sometimes. It's a business. It is a business. Right for the get-go. They don't understand. Well, I'm telling you. It's a business.

You get involved. They don't understand what they're getting into today. Marriage is a business. I'm sorry, it's a business. You can give me all the love you want. But then you don't meet your wife. You don't know your wife until you meet her in court? Let me call Hallmark before I forget this awesome idea.

Well, it is literally a business in the sense that you enter into a legal relationship that involves the federal and state government, which is, to me, was always enough reason to say, why didn't you get married? Because I don't want to put my love life in the hands of the federal and state government. Now if something happens and life is unpredictable,

I have to involve the federal, you know, that to me is insane. Yes. What a stupid notion. Total sucker bet. So you would get a. get married again. No.

No. No. But you're open to a relationship. If I'm open to a relationship and I'm with somebody and I'm with them and I don't go out at night till 10 in the morning without calling, right? You're married. Right. What are you talking about?

Yeah. You're married. There's nothing like freedom. It's nothing like freedom and grace. To be graceful and peace of mind and non-toxic in your world. Right. And people in serious, beautiful relationships can have freedom. I mean, not complete freedom in every way, perhaps, and that's appropriate, but much more freedom than most relationships allow for.

I mean, and once you make someone feel like they are in a prison, they're going to shiv you. We're going to break it out, baby. They're going to buy it, get a shiv, you're going to make it out of something with the soap and they're going to fucking chiv you. No, not always. But it is, it is, you know, it is, it's a world where you're taking on your problems and somebody else's problems, and they're doing that for you. And that's the deal. Hopefully. And sometimes.

But, but, I mean, sometimes it works out really. Absolutely. There's no question. Right. But a lot of the young people did they get it. They don't want to get married. If they're not going to have kids? Oh, right.

Why can't marry? Right. Oh, no. Why? I don't, I don't, and they, kids are very smart today. And the, well, they're savvy about certain things like that. Yeah, and I must tell you. They're not educated.

No, don't want to talk about our educational system? No. They're not educated. They're teaching the wrong thing. No, but you're right. They're savvy in a worldly kind of way. Yeah. And about social media, which gives them a great advantage over us.

Totally. Totally. We were like the apes, you know. You know what? I'm going to sell on a kid. I'm going to get a lot of flack for this. But by and large, kids are overrated. You're talking to the right guy, bro.

I mean, I see the stories and I hear the stories. It's frightening what's going on in some of these families. Well, it's. And the commitment that you put into them, these women that work so hard. The only real person you'll ever meet in your life is your mother, in most cases. I must tell you. The New York Post sent some reporters down to spring break that's going on in Florida now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And ask them the kids on the beach about the war in Iran. Didn't ring a bell. Nothing. I know. Straight to Hormuz. What's that? It sells a dish in a Lebanese restaurant. I had give me last night with peanut bread.

I mean, Ayatollah. What's an I, is it? Yeah, you know. Very true. I mean, I don't, my parents' generation who fought World War II, I asked my mother this, and, you know, they're called the greatest generation, and I said, you know, wow, you're the greatest generation. And she said, yeah, we weren't until the war came and we had to be. But I'm not really sure if the war came, these kids would like my mother's and father's generation.

I'm not sure they could get their shit together. But you have kids that age that are, how old is you? Well, I've got six kids, I've got five girls in their 50s, I've got a son who's 20, and I have nine, and I have nine grandchildren. So do you and the 20-year-old have a... We're locked. Close, real close. Awesome.

So he's not like makes you crazy with woke bullshit. No, he's cool. I'll talk to him all the time. He's cool. Listen, it's, it's, uh, he's, uh, he's, He's got a good head, he's figuring it out, it's poker, some chicks, weed, has an opinion about what's going on. No, no, no, I sit and I vet his friends. I'm very proud of my son.

I got a great son, yeah. That's good. Yeah, very much. Because 20, you know, your sister's... You don't know the 25. A male brain at 20 is maybe the worst thing of your whole life, anybody's life. Yeah. Really, you're old enough to be able to do damage in some way.

And you do. And you do. And yeah, you don't have, yeah, you just. Hey, everybody's been there, Bill. It's what it is, part of the process. You come in alone, you're going out alone. You make your choices. You know, listen, I got real lucky at a young age, started figuring shit out, had my lumps.

But I just tried to make fewer mistakes. Because it was tough, man. 15 years old in that world and then no no so when the grim reaper comes how do you want to go out I don't want to be there I don't know you don't look like you're anywhere near it no you know it is right now I look at everything and I go it's not mine it's all rented

I can't get attached to any of this shit because everything's temporary in life You just get ready and know that one day you're gone, you're over. Nobody will remember you. Ah, you're musing. But when I look at it all, you just have to be ready and know that if you live the moment properly, you don't live in the past,

and you don't worry about tomorrow. When it's time, it's time. I take care of myself. I have a very strict diet. All the bullshit that you hear, I do it. But I'm ready. You know, I look at my home. I'm not a big stuff guy.

I got one car. but it's not mine. It's fucking rented. Well, you have you ready, but your body and your mind aren't ready. Because you don't, you don't, like, we can't hide that we're, like, 70 and 84. We can't hide that we're technically old people, okay? But there is an energy you give off that's old person energy, and neither one of us at least finally, I mean, at the end of the day, is doing that yet. Yeah, yeah.

And as long as you have that going. Yeah. You know, people just, you know, there is ageism in this country, a lot of it. Oh, a lot of ageism. But you can overcome it rather quickly in person anyway because people just, it's instinctive. It's below the intellectual level. They just feel a certain energy. It has to do with the way you move, like how you do.

There's just a, you know, a dottering sense if you're not that, you know, Biden-esque, shall we say. Poor guy. But, you know, you just don't read old. Yeah. And that's my goal, too. Yeah, and you can do it. And you can do it. You can do it.

If you're your own detective and you're really on top of it, you can do it. And when I read about what's coming down the pipeline in terms of longevity, it's going to be magical. Because we don't have this shit that's happened. We don't see it coming. But I can promise you they are now on the cusp within the next two, three years. Every child born after the year of 2000 will live over 100. They know that. But for us, one day we wake up, oh, New York Times, whatever,

there is shit coming down the pipeline that we will take, that we will live a healthy, coherent life, over 100. And we'll talk about that. You and I, when we go to Japan in four years, and they're waiting at the airport. I mean, we are going to get there. The question is when my point of view is, I don't mind dying.

I just don't want to be the last. guy before they figured it out. You don't know what I do? I do. I don't want to miss it by a week. You won't. You don't think I will? No, you'll be cool. Do you think we'll be here in... Oh, next two years? Absolutely. I think... No, I do. I'm doing something more. Like 200. No, no, I'm talking about medically,

they're going to be coming out with stuff that's going to give us a lot of longevity. That's what I'm saying. I think within two, three years we'll know that. But longevity, but it does end at some point, Of course, 100, 110, 20 a. Well, I mean, the goal would be to actually cure all day. Oh. I mean. I wouldn't go that far right now.

No. It's like I want some proof about UFOs. I want some proof about God. You know, I'm a guy that I want to look at proof. I need to look at the facts on the table to make a decision. Otherwise, you're not going to get a fight out of me. You're not going to get this, but I'll give my opinion. No, you always conduct a.

your career with class, you know. You never, you weren't, didn't do stupid things. You never did anything that we had to read in the paper and go, oh, Jesus Christ. You know. Not over yet. Not over yet. No, it's true. You know, you didn't get robbed by your managers because you're a fucking idiot.

I never once saw you get out of a limousine and there was your crotch exposed, you know. I mean, it's just, you always were, like, classy. I think, again, that's like when I was a young beau in the 70s. looking at other men as role models, I just feel like, oh, yeah, that guy in Vegas with the, you know, doo-doo, with the rat pack shit. It's all surface shit for most of them.

All the guys, some of them you look at, even when I look at people, you know, a long time ago, I got scared to death. I was going to sing for the Queen of England, command performance, and I came with a tool that triggered me for a lot of people. I picture people nude.

It calms me down. I do too. It's called masturbated. You're just hammering that rubber. No, no, I look at people nude, and the reality to read a room and know who's bullshit, and it's not all, a lot of it's for show, Bill. Everybody's going to wind up at home in a fucking bathrobe, eating a sandwich and farting for two minutes. There's no, none of those guys are cool all the time. I can promise you. Singers are cool all the time. No.

Yes, because they sing like this. And then they go home and then it goes to the other side. I'll tell you, if I could make a bargain with the devil and if he would give me the power to be able to sing, I would accept having my neck permanently stuck. As long as I could sound like you when I'd be, okay, I'd be on my show. Boy, that Trump did some weird shit again this week, huh, folks? But as long as I could sing, I'd be cool. I'll start forfeit my neck.

It's like, what, Peter Stellars and Kubrick? Yes, Dr. Strange Love. Remember with the hand? Brilliant. Genius. All right, I could talk to you all night, but I probably should let you go. I've had you here for two hours. It seemed like ten minutes.

Two hours? Listen, we're having fun. It flies. That's what they say. I know. Well, we're going to do it again. Well, Harvey, Levin, our mutual friend. Oh, I love Harvey.

I love him too. He's a, okay, can we all have dinner? Yeah, we'll throw it together. Are you going to Zazov's dinner Monday night? Do you go to dinner with David? What an awkward question. Isn't he your boss? Way pivoted.

Is that your boss? He absolutely is. Yeah, but. Well, why don't you come be my date Monday night? I'm going along. No, no, I think I think if I'm mad. Until I get there. Look, he knows a lot of people.

You can't be at every party. This is my first. Oh, yeah. I've been. No, I don't think you're doing. show up at your boss's party, Paul. But you're not just anybody, Bill. I guess this is your gazpacho soup moment where you learned.

But he's such a good. He's a nice guy. He's a cool guy. I'm really happy for him. Oh, he's a sweetheart. Well, especially because everybody was like shitting on him and saying like, you boy, you're failing and taking over this company. And then he comes up with a year where he has like,

like the unprecedented number of six or seven hits in a row. That's right. From one studio, that, you know, so. Yeah. Yeah. He's in the right place now. The right guy got it. He will not be having to drive an Uber.

Let's put it that way. Yep, and no shudy. All right. Okay, Bill. Well, I can't think, you know. Oh, you know what that? Wait, wait. I got.

Did you see what this is? Yeah. For Bill, all the best. The what? Stan Cornyn. Oh, he wrote all the liner notes. Wow, he was brilliant. Yeah.

So. Oh, is he alive still? No. I don't, well, I shouldn't say that. I have not been in touch with Mrs. Corny. No, I don't think so, but I... Stop saying those things. You'll laugh at it, though.

Okay. It's like... Why do you make me laugh most of the time is, though?