Club Random with Bill Maher - Quentin Tarantino + Judd Apatow; Ms. Pat | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

In a special combo episode, Quentin Tarantino crashes the end of the Judd Apatow interview and the three of them talk about Quentin’s love of Freaks and Geeks, Quentin and Judd on working with actors, how Quentin wanted Adam Sandler for Inglourious Basterds, the trick of the movie 1917 and then we transition into a one on one with the brilliant comedian Ms. Pat.

Hey, so we have something a little bit different this week. It is Club Random after all. Everybody needs a break from work and I am taking a small one now, but we plan for it. We have something for you that hasn't been seen yet that I think is pretty cool. Early on when we were taping I was talking to Judd Apatel here at the bar in Quentin Tarantina was waiting in the room back there and he decided to come over and have a seat and talk for a while. So here it is. two iconic directors with me talking movies and more. Enjoy.

Closing up. Hey guys. Oh. Oh, we see her. Hey. Oh, I was just here. You know, we see her. Gary Schelling show.

Hey, everybody, it's no cross me. What happened? Oh my gosh, elephant's Gerald is outside here on Playboy After Dark. This is candy. Great, I'd like you to be Roman Polanski. Alright, here is a Bill Cosby. How you doing?

Mother of Jackson Speed, loved it. Alright, well as long as we treat every woman at the Playboy Mansion here tonight with respect to her. Of course, well of course we do. That's what we every woman at the Playboy Mansion here tonight with respect to her, of course we do. That's what we do here at the Playboy Mansion. Hey, wow, you're here. So gratified. You know, Judd? Yes.

Yes, we made each other a few times. And from back when you were in Salis movie. Well, no, no, no. That's when we got to know each other because... You were the preacher. Well, the deacon was the Deacon. The Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon.

We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon.

We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon.

We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. We atollin' the Deacon. I'm not gonna direct it, but I'll present it. I've never done that. Oh yeah, all my friends want to make movies. Okay, yeah, I love it. Jenna, but don't present. Right, I defy you. Why, why you have DB and find it presents? You want this funny, that. I can't even. It's happened.

I'm not joined. It's happened. I felt that way. Do you know, Timples, like, Jirka, to off the spear, is it a funny gag? You're going deep into year one territory. I knew you'd go. You'd find a nook and cranny that no one was expecting.

Do you have a drink? Yes, actually, I would like a margarita, because I noticed there was a margarita mix. Margarita? What a fucking... No, there's a margarita mix. I was like a barbie. I wouldn't even ask that if there wasn't a margarita mix.

I saw. I'm kidding. I would learn how to make a margarita. There's a margarita one than that. That's like the joke. Oh, okay. Where's the better one? I think it's the one where next to the olive jar.

No, no, no, keep going. No, no, the other side don't keep. Yeah, yeah, I think that's it. That's the gourmet. Oh. That looks like the gourmet. What kind of, I think there's a worm in here. Oh, my, well, Spitfire.

It's a British margarita in there, which I hadn't actually thought about. Wow. You know, geez, where's the rock when you need it? What kind of liquor goes in with this? Tequila. Tequila. No, no, with margarita, there's just lots of ice.

And... So tequila and what ice? Yeah, I'll take the, I don't want to plug it. All right. No, but I'll take the castamigas. Reposara. Is that the, no, no, keep going, keep going, keep going. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

The castamigas. You're almost there. You're almost touching it. Yeah, that one. Boy, you know liquor better than I do. Oh, boy. Well, I mean, you're going to be the bartender on me. Yeah, asking me.

I know. Definitely. No, I should get better at it, my bad. Let me just margarita mix and ice and tequila in your set. No, I make a better margarita. Yeah, why don't you just make it for yourself? This is tequila, and I said, tequila and you're set. Now, I make a better burger. Yeah, I'm not even gonna make it for yourself. This is tequila and I'm already drinking tequila. Would you mind if I tried it along with you?

Yes, my only. I would not mind at all. That was my audition. I heard you were casting and I thought maybe I'd throw in a little, just to show you I can do it, my friend. That was your mammoth dialogue. That was your about last night part two. Send a, send a, send a, a real time next week.

Oh, he is, is he? I'm so excited. Mammoth? Yeah. Oh, what a motherfucker, right? Hmm. Paul Z. Oh, he's the man.

Really? Yeah. Oh, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, Oh, from, from, from, that's a high compliment from you. No, no, no, no, no, no. Do you think he's the man? Oh, yeah. The first time I directed, I directed,

direct Ripchorn. The first day at Larry Sanders, I'd never directed, never even thought about directing, but Gary asked me to do it. I read his book on directing. Oh, yeah, yeah. And the one thing I took from it, as he said, would you give notes to an actor,

give almost nothing? He's like, if you give the tiniest note, it will change every single thing they do. And I did that with the rip. And he still ripped my head off. Ha ha ha. Wait, so saying that, like if you say Larry's vague about what you tell the actor,

because they're so like, well, if you're not lying, reading them and giving them eight things, you'll be just going like, I don't know, I think you'd be a little more upset in this. Every choice they make in the scene, there is going to be different.

That was his advice. Chris, it's about being specific about what you're saying, because if you're arbitrary, they're a fish looking for water. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Chris Thompson once gave me a note when I was showing this series called Hard Knocks, Your

World. I remember the, I never saw Hard Knocks but I remember the TV spot that you guys used to do on Showtime after it's Gary Shanling. In 1988. I used to say. You doing the questionnaire with the dude. I remember that. Right.

Oh, I almost didn't. I remember saying to the cast once, remember we we're not, when we were taping. We're not doing this for the 200 people here in the audience tonight. We're doing it for the 200 people watching. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Showtime. But you know who ran Showtime then and cast me Peter Chernan. Oh wow. Yeah, early Chernan. Who can get a table anyway? Anyway, I'm gonna make you feel bad about this table thing. But what were you talking about before that?

You were heading into something else. I know. What were you talking about? What did I do? About your acting? No, we were talking about margaritas. No, David Danett? Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Well, let me answer your question more directly. Oh, Chris Thompson. Chris Thompson. Okay, there you go. Get, thank you. One of us has to be the designated thinker. Chris Thompson, give me a note,

I was in the, I'm some, because I fucked up the scene or something. And he was like, look, I could give you motivation or talk about your background and thing, but act better. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sometimes I tell that story to my writers, like once every five years, and I'll just be like, write better.

You know, it's not complicated. Do it like you did. Not like you just did it. Remember when you cared? So I didn't know you two guys should know each other. What's that? The Directors Club? Or you cashed? Directors Club? Well, no, no, no, actually.

Well, we met each other, especially through Adam Sandler during the time that I did Little Nikki, I was like, hang in there, that crew for a while. And so we went to a bunch of different things together. But also, I mean, freezing Geeks had just went off the air or was on its way to go off the air. And I missed it, but that whole happy mass and crowd was like crazy for it. So I mentioned it, and this is back in videocassettes.

He got me a box of like, literally the entire season up until it had stopped airing all on Vegas and I still have those vehicles because I have a big video collection. So I have a Hobo. A Jew building a business. Nothing wrong. And I started watching like oh my god this is Dacin confused as a fucking TV show. This is really fucking amazing. And like, so what I would like be with Adam's people, they were like, oh, who's that fucking guy? The guy who always hangs out with Leslie Mann. I mean, that's who he is.

All right. Oh, but I feel bad because when I did funny people with Sandler, I wasn't aware that that was the exact time that you were trying to use him for a glorious bastard. No, no, he wasn't. Obviously he should have done yours because of the whole thing. But you start with the fucking videocassette of you guys.

Yeah. Yeah. You're kidding, right? Sandler Vien was in that list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But the thing is, yeah, the Berger was going to to, I wrote the bear juke for Adam Sandler. I don't know if I'm right.

And like when I was doing it, when I was doing a little nicky, I'm telling him, like, oh man, I get to fucking beat the Nazis with a bat. Fuck this fucking awesome. I can't fucking wait. I can't fucking wait. It was like telling every Jewish guy to hundred fucking play this kind of beats up Nazis with a fucking bat

So he didn't do it. Well, he literally just signed Yeah, we were literally making our movies at the exact same time He just signed to do funny people, but I had to lock Adam in like Literally like when the movies open they opened up within three weeks of each other So I I had to lock Adam in like a year and a half before we shopped. Yeah. It was like a like hey in a year and a half are you going to be free this summer. So we worked on that for a long time. Well luckily his career was not hurt by not doing your movie. Which I'm sure killed your movie in the box office. You know, you know, but funny people is another awesome movie another another another No, here's the problem he wrapped up all the good Jews That was the problem Seth Roga all the good Jews were doing funny people

I'm killing Hitler with baseball bass and there's no good Jews available And David Crumholz nobody all the good Jews were all wrapped up. I'm doing the Jewish male fantasy And that fucking comments have got the Jews wrapped up. I'm doing the Jewish male fantasy. And that fucking comments that got the Jews wrapped up. I'm stuck with Sam Levine. Okay. I want to ever promote I get Sam Levine. But is that where I am? Is it in that audience? My entire career is built on Sam Levine. We used to do a bit politically incorrect called want settle get. And we would, I bet you're all the names we have now or we had in that bit would be, I don't think kids even know who they were. I mean, so it's for our guests.

It was like you want Clint Eastwood, whoever was like the A-list at the time. You'll get Roy Scheider or whatever and you'll wind up within the punchline is I do a whole like I do a whole thing about that in a what's fun time in Hollywood The Marvin Shwar is character the the agent who puts American talent for and That's a particular Big okay, you're putting American talent in Italian movies. And it's like, well, the Italians, you know, they want one, baby, they get Joe Jamilton.

Right, that's the bit. They want Marlon Brando, they get Burrass. They want Steve McQueen, they get Uric Don. Or they get Tighardt. I know, now. You may be like 10 years too young, too. Quite tickled by that movie as much as some of our ages. I mean, I was very like moved by it.

I thought the ending was really emotional. Why did it, it was so much like to me. It's like lost. What? emotional. Why did it go so much like to me? It's like lost, lost optimism or... It's fucking... Well, it's a really interesting thing actually, because it's like... When you realize in the movie, when you're watching, when you realize Sharon isn't gonna die,

and then all of a sudden, like Abigail Fulcher joins them and then this all this like overhead god-like shot and you were like, they're all safe. I'll be people who die that night, they're safe. And the bad guys have been put down. It goes off and then it has its once upon a time in the title and it's like tinkly music box music. And it's like touching and it's nice. But almost fairly shortly after you acknowledged that this is a nice fairy tale, you also acknowledged it's a nice fairy tale that did not happen. Of course, but it was your movie.

We knew that was going to happen. No, no, no, no, I did that. I get that. You already killed Hitler. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was your movie we knew that was gonna have no No, no, no, no, no, no, it was actually funny What's the fucking head Fancy Hollywood journalist I can't remember name right now, all right, but a critic shit No, no, the two the famous journalists who asked to talk to Hollywood people Runabarit, no, I can't Ronobar. No, I can't say it. We're all in the bad.

No, I can't say it. David, that is, that is, that is that, Ronobar. That's a very grand car. It's not Ronobar, but it might as well be Ronobar. All right. Had a Harper. Okay.

No, he was coming. Do you turn again? Do you take again into a further appeal? All right. Uh, uh, but she asked me when that movie came out the last one. She asked me she goes, okay, so well now, okay, so you're rewriting a history and then killing these bad guys. But she've already done that and then glorious bastards. So is that you being uncreative? You just going back to the old thing? And I was like, no, I can do it anytime I want.

You can't fucking do it. You're ripping me off if you do it. I fucking started this shit. I can do it next five movies if I want. And they wonder why we sometimes bitch because what a, what a just a country approach you know like it's just country you know she was okay because she actually appreciated my answer but it was like you know yeah there's no

perspective. It was in a series. She wasn't look I'll defend her for a second. She wasn't being super serious. It was about on well what would you say you know even though I never say you know what I say to you know it reminds me of reminds me of the what I consider like the lowest job in the world which is the sports reporters who ask questions of athletes after a game yeah right those men are not those girly men who are like, you know, LeBron, you know, you're lost by two points. You think it could have done something more. And you just, you know, this five foot eight little nebish, asking this giant, hoping he doesn't get a bucket of ice. Like, we're in a different circle. And you did a push.

Shut the fuck up, you little fuck. You know, and just, it's kind of, what about the fans? Yeah. You know, just questions that are hard to answer. And could you do something different or, you know, how, every question now begins with how? How excited were you?

Well, I mean, how much does this hurt your chance? Look, look, in celebrity version, that is the person on the red carpet during the interviews, but that's the celebrity version of it, that's not coming after having one or lost a game. And coming off, I'm like, no, you've got that for energy going through. No, you've just done your thing.

You've done what nobody else, even right, could get through the fucking game, but nobody else on that fucking auditorium could do. That's the point, especially the little Pipsquake asking you these questions. Like, you know, could you've done better? I don't know. Could you have made the junior varsity squad?

Oh, no, not even that. You know, like, just, you know, no perspectives, no respect for, you know, when you watch movies, all I think the whole time is, God, that's what must have been so hard to do. Right. Right. You just think it that just can't hear. I got to ask you to guys about 1917. I'm so glad you said that. 1970. Yeah. First of all, now I don't know if it could even be nominated for Best Picture because they have these rules about minority representation and fortunately for people of World War I. Fortunately for people of color, they did not, they were not able to get into World War One,

which is a shame, because it's a great time. In those trenches. At least in World War Two, you had North Africa. Yeah, you could, you could, you could, you could at least have North Africa. Right, put the burbers in or something. Okay, it looks to me, first of all, I think it should have won every award.

If you could, if you could, I was, my year, they definitely said, oh no, that was your year? Yeah, that was my year. Oh, okay. Well, no, you don't have to say your opinion. I just don't agree. I know.

I think you can go through it all the way. If the thing is like achievement in like, whatever they can, the phrase is motion. I'm doing my point. Achievement in motion picture science or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I've never seen a movie that looks like that. I felt like they took,

sending with almost the revenant. I think I'm making it a little too big of it. Okay, maybe I am. I'm not a director. But like, 1917 looks to me like it's two shots. Okay, well, look. Okay, I'll just try. Yeah, it is.

Well, it obviously is a trick. I mean, the, the last time I... How do you, how do you... I mean, look, look, look, look, look, I'm coming from where a 1917 would be truly, truly impressive, is if they did the movie with six cuts and that's it. All right, no, not... Well, seven minute cuts.

Yeah. And another eight minutes, and then another seven minutes, and and then another seven minutes and then a visible Question, right how do it's all just just the lane well no, they're all connecting okay I but there's no I like how can something have no Moment right go oh I see where they cut here no no no, no, they, they do a very good job of that. Look, I can, like, I can tell we're half of the big, the big leap cuts are. I can tell if I'm paying attention,

I can tell we're half of the big, and of course I'm watching the release one. Pay attention. Well, because it's like, oh, a big flash happens. A big bomb happens. That happens once. And then, and then one there's, there's one where I feel like the director is,

I'm not saying they do a bad job of that, right? I feel like the director is always... I'm not saying they do it a bad job of that. No, I feel like there's one cut, which I feel like it's the director saying to the audience, look what I'm doing, because he walks into a building, a bomb goes off, if the screen goes totally black for 10 seconds. I feel like he's saying... Well, that's in reset.

I feel like he's saying to the audience, just notice, for the first hour of this movie, you didn't see a cut. And now I'm giving you 10 seconds to think about what a cut is. And now I'm going to do the rest of the movie, which is even more complicated without looking like another cut. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not a wrong dissertation on what he was doing.

It's not too dissimilar from what Hitchcock committed to doing the long takes in rope. But Hitchcock has one cut in rope and it's the most impactful moment in rope. There's so much less happening there in an apartment. Yes, but there in an apartment. I have never heard of that. Look, I come on. That's not you can't. If you're going to do the whole thing about long cuts, then it's got to be about long cuts. Even if it was like 15 minutes per cut, all right, that would be that would be more. I still can't tell where the cut is. Can you, Bill, let me just say one of them.

You can tell where the cuts are. Woody's from Tony's story is not real. It's all fake. He's like, so excited about the cut. Like, if you see Birdman has like- How can something look like there's no cut? And there's a cut. That's okay.

I'm not gonna press my that, all right? I can press my that. No, you're not. You do. They did a good job with it. I would be more and I'm not that impressed about these long cuts with it doing invisible cuts I mean like for instance when I watched there's even a name for it in an invisible cut. Okay. Yeah, yeah There is I didn't even know that okay like for instance, okay when I saw Freak me like Barton

I'm just a fucking bartender. I don't know I'm just a fucking bartender. I don't know about you. I don't understand. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you.

I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you.

I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I don't know about you. I mean, look, when I'm like watching the long fight in atomic blonde, I'm like, yeah,

that's great. Oh my god. This is fucking amazing. This is fucking amazing. Okay, wait a minute. Now, the shots, the shots took a shit. The shots not going on this long. They took a shit.

And now it's just all tainted. Yeah. It's all tainted. Or could you spot it if you mean? Well, because it's obviously they didn't carry it through. I mean, look, to me, the reason to do a long take, and I'm not saying they didn't do long takes in 1917, they obviously did a long take in 1917.

But the reason, like, but your ransom did trea, and everything that you're about is the long takes, well, then really fucking do it. Go 15 minutes per fuck. And you're saying they didn't do that. No, they didn't do that. And this, and put any young man at the end of it. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a Santa Claus figure that you speak of my friends. All right. Okay, I got to wrap this. There's one more thing though. There's one more thing. There's one more thing

about 1917. Because I actually liked the movie. But I threatened to buy blind brought up something that oh my god, once you brought it up, I couldn't unherit. He was complaining about it because he felt it played too much like a video game. Now, I don't play video game, so I didn't really necessarily feel that.

I've never seen one. Yeah, I've never seen one. No, I don't play video game, so I don't feel that per se. So I'm actually thinking it feels more innovative than maybe somebody who plays a video games does. But the president of this video gives them like it's Wolfenstein the movie. But I would like it better. This

famous Nazi where we'll think game called Wolfenstein. It's like Wolfenstein the movie, but I would like it better if it was Wolfenstein. Okay. All right. So I'm gonna wrap this up with this. Yes, maybe I'm a stupid bartender who doesn't understand filmmaking. To me, that was very impressive. It is impressive. But wait, let me just finish,

but what movie did I like better? It's not even close, which is your movie. Oh, you don't even need to end it with that movie. But you could have,, it's the truth. I'm not. But why aren't you like, I have many flaws, even my enemies don't think I'm a liar. Yeah.

But why aren't you impressed with the way he made a Los Angeles? Look like LA in the seventh. You like that. No, that's different. He has to build streets. It's just, that's- It's one of my, I'm going to say this,

I was going to say that to him, I'll say it here, over there, I might repeat myself. His movies up until Hollywood were all like revenge movies. That's what we loved. It's so basic and he got to that thing. He's like, you have to know with naked women. It was lying right there, but he found it. But the last movie he made, this way I was trying to tell him when he was on the show, I said, he can't quit now. His last

movie is by far my favorite because it's a love story. He went from revenge story to revenge until a lot, just between two men, but it's still a love story. So it got me on a very deep emotional level. Also, like that era is my era. The stuff, everything the TV was like, I'm telling you, it tickled me on a way. I don't know if it can be. Well, the people who work so hard to make it in the business who don't reach the highest levels, I mean, there's something so sympathetic about how many people love these. It's, it's, it's, level. One of the most emotionally moving movies I've ever seen. And I say that it is behind saving private Ryan

because saving private Ryan is my father. World War II, when he, at the end of the movie, when Ryan is now like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's speeded up and he's now the present day Ryan in the late 90s. I mean, he looked exactly the kind of shirt my father wore. When I watched it in the theater, I was 20 minutes after the movie ended, I was still in the seat. Yeah.

Crying. Yeah. Like I had my father died like six years earlier and I think I had suppressed as we do until I saw that. No, that's what it just kind of old came out that night. That was like on a first date. Yeah. This poor girl must be like,

poor girl. Jesus poor. Was she next to you in the lobby, wait. This insell is like, fucking crying his eyes out on the first date. What a fucking pussy cab. All right, I have to go back to my day job. And now misspot. What a fucking pussy cab. All right, I have to go back to my day job. I know.

And now, miss Pat. I've been excited to talk to you for a while, so I'm in a good mood. How about you? I'm fine. Can I get you a drink? Oh, I got a drink. I don't.

You have a drink already. Yeah, I don't want to get to back, but that's up. Right. I'm going to take your drink. Right. No, I don't want to drink already. Yeah, I don't want any of your tobacco, but that's, I'm gonna take your drink. Right. No, I don't want to be a bad influence, but. Too late for that shit. I'm 50 now. Really? You're 50?

Yeah. 50, well. No, you know black don't crack, but. I was gonna say talent don't crack. Well, my knees getting out, so I feel 50 some days. You look fantastic. Thank you. Unbelievable.

Must be quite a, what a ride you're on now. I mean, to be blowing up like this as the kids say. It must feel very good. It took 20 years, but not bad at all. It takes everybody 20 years. It do take 20 years. You know, they say if you still eat it out the team, something good might help for the team.

Well, comedy takes a long time. It does. Music flowers early, but then it's usually gone early too. Yeah. You know, musicians, you know, you can be a big star at 20 and be a husband at 30. Or, you know, but comedy, you can do it when you're a hundred. You can. John Rivers died doing it.

Yeah, I mean, she wasn't quite a hundred, but yes, George Burns, I think almost was a hundred. So yeah, you're just getting started. Yeah, 20 years, I mean, I was hoping it happened, it happened. It would have been nicer in my 30s, but I think I appreciated more in my 50s. Well, you say you're only 50 now.

Yeah, I'm not. Okay, so you've got the whole decade ahead of you. 50s is nothing. 60, that gets to a little bit. That's a little bit of a slap in the face. That's 60s ever than 50. I'm just going to tell you. Okay, what's different?

Well, 50s, I, for the meat. I mean, you know, your mileage could be very different. For me, the 50s was like more of a continuation of the 40s. It was a, you know, everything that was good was a little better, like I had a little more control, a little more, you know, everything that was good was a little better, like I had a little more control, a little more recognition. Everything that was a growing in a good way,

and also, I think it was bad, was a little, you know, but on a 60-Affiel is a different stage of life. It's like, you know, I think when I was 60, I remember doing a piece about it, and one of the jokes was like, you're among old people, you know, I think when I was 60, I remember doing a piece about it and one of the jokes was like, you're among old people, you're the youngest. You're like almost officially part of that category. You're on the younger half, but you're still in,

that's how the world sees you. And, you know, and your body also becomes more fragile. You've got to really take care of it. Well, my kids become old as hell. Oh, fucking kids always think the to really take care of it. Well, my kids think I'm old as hell. Oh, fucking kids always think the parent is old, of course. Well, my daughter is 14 years younger than me and she still think I'm old and I'm like, excuse me, you got to be 40, sweetheart.

So she's a millennial. Yeah. She's a 30. She must be crazy proud of you. She is, she is. I had a really young, she saw a lot, but yeah, she's, oh my, she's out four of them. They're pretty proud of their mom.

What do they think? I mean, they must blow their minds that mom is like a celebrity and, you know, people are putting her on TV and giving her deals and she's got all this money coming in. I mean, that can't be. Don't talk about the money. I ain't got no money. That's that. I don't give them my damn money. I think you have money now. I do. I'm okay. I know what you're on and what you're doing. I know what the paper revenues are. It's not minimum wage

you're working for. It's not minimum wage, but maybe it goes fast because you got all these kids. Oh, it don't go fast because I don't give them shit. Really? No, I'm not that type of mom. I did give them jobs on my show. I give them jobs for me, but I'm not going to hand you my money. Nobody hand me my money.

I like that. So, you know. I think America needs more of that with the kids. I'm on the warpath about shitty parenting, ease too easy parenting. I think it's this absolute seed of what has ruined America is to a degree degree. I mean, it's many things, but the fact that parents,

first of all, they let kids out of school without knowing anything. That's horrible parenting. You can be a high school graduate and be a complete fucking idiot about the most basic things, like history, science, spelling, that's bad parenting, and just letting kids think that they have automatically have an equal voice at the table. You know, a lot of my friends say that they let them vent. I say, only vent is in my fucking house.

It's connected to the air condition. What a moment, you don't pay no bills. So why do I need to hear your bullshit? I don't, you don't pay no bills. So why do I need to let you vent? If you want pay no bills. So why do I need to let you vent? If you want to vent, they say it's called a diary. Go find some paper right there, shut down, and read it in 20 years and see how stupid you really was.

If you, I mean... You tell your kids that... Yeah, I tell my kids, I tell them all the time, go to hell. I mean, I don't owe you nothing. I mean, look, I told myself I had a choice, and I kept you. You couldn't have been here. I could have sent you back to heaven or hell

wherever God created you from. But I chose to carry you for that month and have you. So I don't owe you anything. Right, if anybody, they owe you. Yeah, that's what I told. I told my daughter all the time. And my son, I said, dude, I had child at 14 and 15. Y'all want supposed to be here.

Right. You know, I chose to keep you. You should have been somewhere in a job. Right. Like the kids out here, you know, I chose to keep you. You should have been somewhere in a jar. You like the kids out to you. I'm fucking kept you. So you know, I'm going to keep a jar on the shelf whenever they give you something, let it just point to it. Just point to the jar.

Just shake it. Give them a look and point at the jar. You could have easily been spaghetti bitch, be quiet. Oh yeah. But, you know, I think I got pretty good kids, but you know, some of them do think that you own them something. This country I tell you is going to be shocked

on election day I predict in November, when they find out how much Americans of both parties care about abortion as an issue. Because since the Supreme Court took it away, we have a few indications, like the people in Kansas got to vote on it. Kansas, a very conservative state. And they are overwhelming. We're like, uh-uh. We do not want to have kids. We don't want. Well, the thing is, is why is there a bunch of soft-dick...

Can I curse? Working in a club, branded for folks. I'll get a bunch of soft-dick means, white means, make decisions on virginity. They can't even touch if they wanted to. The penis don't even work. If your penis work, you shouldn't have a, have a say so

about what I can do with my vagina. And even if it does work, you shouldn't have a say so. And in the way we have to bring white men into this because Clarence Thomas is probably the most anti-abroad. No, he's white. He's white. He just got a good tan.

No. We, we, we, we let y'all have clear sounds for vanilla ice. Vanilla ice. But people in this country, that is going to really light a fire because it's not like these other issues. You know, Ukraine, it's important. I couldn't agree more with the peos. It is impeachable, but it's very far away.

And a lot of people never heard of it. A lot of things people never heard of. You know what they heard of? Babies. They've heard of babies. And when you don't want a baby, you really, it's not like a piece of gym equipment that, you know, oh god, I guess another one that'll just sit in the garage, that's not in the garage in six months, you know, it's kind of a big thing and it's going to be there forever. And, you know, I'm just saying the way people raise their kids and how fucking

bratty kids are these days, it's just not a great advertisement for children as a product. Well, before we came with, people still get this. People are gonna get it regardless, I think. But- At abortion? Yes, but still, I don't understand why, why do they even have to vote on it? This is my body.

I should be forced to have anything or do anything that I want to. No, I, look, I'm pro-choice like you are, but I also think they should not tell the people who are pro life your anti women you hate women it's not about that they don't hate women they think it's murder and if you think it's murder then you can't be well except if you have a vagina then you can murder people if you think that's, then you can murder people.

If you think that's a murder, it's a murder. You've done about hating women. That's their point of view. I personally never have thought that life was necessarily precious. Damn. Really? Like some, I mean, normally it is, but I mean, if you think about a, you know, some horrific mass murderer remorseless

who killed lots of people for no good reason and is rotting in prison and will never see the light of day, he's a little cell in solitary, is that life precious? What is he living for? It's just continuing breathing. That doesn't break my heart if we put that guy to death. And people who are never born, I mean, sorry, we won't miss you. How could we? We had never met you. And you won't miss us because you never met us. What? You know, that makes me think,

when I was pregnant with my girlfriend. With your what? My girlfriend was pregnant. One of my friends was pregnant. And it my friends was pregnant. Yeah. And it was pregnant at the same time. And she used to get so mad because she used to talk to her stomach, which I thought was the dumbest shit ever. And she was like, you don't talk to the baby. How the baby gonna get to know you? I'm like, I don't know the fucking baby.

I feed the baby. When the baby get here, I know the fucking baby. I might not even like the baby. So why am I, she would put headsets on her stomach so the baby can listen to music. I'm like, I'm not doing it the baby. So why am I, she would put headsets on her stomach so the baby can listen to music. I'm not doing it dumb shit, okay? So she would just talk to her stomach all the time. And I just thought it was dumb shit.

And the way I'm like, if the baby's in there, she's trying to rest and you fucking would've, I'm putting this music on, and she's not even familiar with it. The baby don't wanna eat this bullshit. So, and the baby wants you to shut the fuck up, come. That's why the baby kicking, like, can you shut the fuck up, please? Right.

How were your pregnancies? Are they difficult? My first two, I was really young. I had that first baby at 14, and I was back on my bike in two days. I was going to say, you know, it's, of course, too young. We know, probably mature wise for people, certainly in modern society, to have children at that age, but nature is not against it. Nature is okay with getting pregnant and having children at that young age, or also wouldn't

happen. Yeah, I mean. And it's probably easier because your body is so resilient. I'm not going to encourage these people. No, no, I'm not saying we should just say nature. Yeah. And much of the world still does that, you know? Well, with my first two, it was a lot easier than my last two. I was in my late 20s.

Yeah. And I had my first and then 14 and 15. And I mean, the baby's just popped right out. I had horrible labours with my last two kids. I had a circlarch when they saw up your womb because it was weak. Right. I was sick all the time. But first two baby, I mean, I was right.

My boss took a bucket school like nothing had happened. Right. Yeah. I mean, again, nature, not not a being the laws of woepless is all about that. And there are parts of the world. I'm sure you're an old man at 21. It's like there's village moreays probably, and I don't know where the tribal areas of Pakistan or something where I'm guessing that most of the births happened before 20.

Yeah, but you know, old mate here in America, they want you to 21 in America. They're I'm old mate in America. Actually, the biggest trend, especially out here in LA, which is pretty boy country. This is a milk city. It is. That's a lot of, you see more like women of certainly your age, that is not at a balance for a lot of the guys, especially young guys here. They like that, especially you, you have money, take care of them.

Oh, no, the fuck I hear that. I was about to say they won't hand the cap party stick because they're so security chicks. So they come over doing the night time and play with all old titties and go out and hang out with the younger girls while we asleep. That may be, that may be true. That is true. You know. Is that really true? I don't know. I don't I mean I've been married I was 30 years. I don't want no young guy and go for 20 minutes.

You've married 30 years. Almost yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's up to the same guy. Wow. That's really quite a thing. Yeah. And still good? I love him some days. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I never got married. Really? Yeah.

You ain't Mrs. Ye. Yeah. Mrs. Amitus, I might have shared your fucking TV with you. You could do that with a girlfriend and send her home. We are brought to you by SignalWire. SignalWire powers the future of cloud communications. Built by the tech OGs, the original geeks of software defined telecom, their mission is to make it simple for you to build whatever you can imagine, using real-time voice, video

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Go to signalwire.com slash random. Or, well, I mean, you bring up TV with marriage. It's interesting because when I get into bed at night, what I have to do, the last thing I always have to do in the day is TV. I know it's not the best thing for sleep because you don't really want to be looking at screens before you go to sleep.

Tells your body to wake up. So, phones, computers, But I have to watch TV before I go to bed. It's the most passive thing. It's enjoyable. But like very few things keep my interest for more than like 15, 20 minutes. So I'll watch like 15 minutes or one movie, 15 minutes of another. What? You look at it and be mean, that's the most insane thing you've ever heard. Well, you don't finish, you never gonna know what happened. Well, tomorrow I'll watch another 15 minutes. It'd be like when you read a book,

you don't read the whole book at once. If it's good enough, some people can't stop flipping the pages if you got time. A page turner, yeah. But if you were just watching 15 of this movie, and 15 of that movie, tomorrow I'll watch the next 15 minutes But how the hell you gonna remember what you saw if you just watch three 15 minutes movie

Because I remember because it's not that hard I mean when I turned it off last night Liam Neeson was going over to kill the Albanians Why it's not that hard to pick it up at the point where he's in Albania killing Albanians? I get it, you know, you know ain't gonna say what I was gonna say. Say it. Lil Neeson do the same movie. So I can see why he's doing 15 minutes.

Perhaps that's why that name's broken to my head. But I love you, but it's all everybody keep kidding, I'm just fucking family. I'm like, if y'all get in one more fucking... He's shameless. He really is. Just sit him. He did one where it was on a plane.

And then I swear to God, they took the exact same script and just changed plane to train. And it was the same exact story. I think that... I know, right? You like, how many times are you gonna take your damn family, man? You need to change them to the front, you have to have them, your family can't.

Why they get kidnapped like this? They, you need to take them somewhere on a little black drive by so they can learn some. She take them to the hood and keep sure I'm high not to get kidnapped. That daughter that wife, the cat, the dog, and those stolen dishes. There was lines like, if you're shooting me, you'll never get off this train. Yes, they will, because they've got to make another one when you at the house with the next kid in the app. You're going to fly this train into a mountain.

That's Bill, making fun of you now. I'll leave Neeson and I have beef. Really? Yeah, because I'm going to fly this train into a mountain. As Bill making fun of you now. Leave me, and I have beef. Really? Yeah, because he is a big supporter of torturing horses by having them carry stupid motherfuckers around Central Park. You know, those handsome cabs in New York, where it's a carriage, where the horse is... You don't like carriages?

I don't like torturing animals. Is that torturing animal? I would guess that if you saw a horse in the wild, you wouldn't think it was dreaming about standing and shitting in a bucket and carrying tourists around the park. No, I don't think that's what the horse was looking to do when it was born and you see them. Well, fuck, you just mess me up on the times I get on them.

Now, we'll be thinking about it, you every time I get rid of it, you need a ride. What, you get a horse-drawn carriageist, Miss Pat? Shut up, I ain't saying shit to you. No, I want to know about this, this carriage fetish you have. I mean, kids using for prongs. They're using for prongs, they're using for fileros. I'm an animal lover, I'm against all that kind of shriek.

I am too, I just don't own any. You don't have pets? No, I got too many fun kids, animals. You know, my hair's golfed to people who can have a spiss of dog. I had a dog back in the day when you can time up to the tree. You do that shit today, you go on the jail. Really?

Yeah, you can't time up dog up to no tree anymore. Why is that hurting a dog? Well, they say you can't time up anymore, so I don't say the time up. Well, that's ridiculous. They walk them, they pick up these sheets. We never did that when I was a kid. We tied the dog to the tree all the time. Yeah, but you can't be time up dog. You had a chain. It wasn't like the time up. Well, that's ridiculous. They walk them, they pick up these sheets. We never did that when I was a kid.

We tied the dog to the tree all the time. Yeah, but you can't be time up, though. Yeah, I had a chain. It wasn't like he was choking. Yeah, and he had a dog house. And now they ain't that bad. They got on high heels shoes and they were closing. You know, they get, they were John and Wax

when they're on and get, they were John and Wax. So I'm not fucking on animal. I got kids. But you're kids are grow, aren't they? No, but I have custody of my niece for it. How's the youngest one? In my house, nine. Nine?

Yes. You had a baby nine years ago? No, I did not. I had somebody give me a fucking baby nine years ago. My niece. I'm perpished? Well, I went to help her because she was on drugs. And so I picked her up and the baby was newborn. Two weeks, she just ran off and left me with the fucking gears. So I had them, it's four of them.

The oldest is 14, the baby is nine. I saw that in an episode of Euphoria, where they just leave a baby with somebody. I mean, and that's so good of you that you, like, I mean, you could have like brought it to a foster home or something and Well, that's not the first set of keys I've raised I raised her mom and then I raised my other sister-in-law key So that's my third set of keys that I've raised. Oh, it wasn't mine. M G Wow, you and I are have some real big differences

Fuck you. we did. I mean, I have always avoided kids like long COVID. I mean, look, I understand they're popular. They must be even celebrities do it. But why? I mean, they're just, I'm, well, I just never got it because like babies, I'm very metic it because like babies, I'm very meticulous about like snod and shit.

I hate all that stuff. If you have a wife, if you have a wife. Come on, I mean, there's another deal break. No, the thing I don't want. You fucking have a nanny. You're not gonna be nowhere. You have a nanny.

Back up from my eight kids. A wife. You can have a nanny. You never have to deal with snobs and bobs. Right. No, I do know guys. I do. I know guys who have never changed the diaper. Yeah.

They have wives and nannies. That's what it is. Yeah. And, but I worry about that one moment when the wife and the nanny are both somehow incapacited at the same time and the baby has shitness draws and it's on me and I think that baby would get you to having shit in it. You just less. What?

I mean, it's just more. What? Have you taken off your underwear, you as shit in your underwear? The babies have a little bit more than you do. Wait, I don't have a baby. What do you mean I'm shit in my underwear? the babies have a little bit more than you do. You just wipe the baby. What do you mean, I'm shitting my underwear? All men got shitting y'all underwear.

I own. Y'all don't wipe good. I do. I'm telling you, this is, you're talking to, anal retentive. You've heard the term? No, but I, you've never heard anal retentive or someone being anal.

Yeah. Okay, anal means very neat, very festitious. Okay, well you wipe your ass very good. Okay, the baby will just help she didn't even pamper. You can wipe this shit off your baby pamper. It's your name. You know what, I would. If it came to it, of course I would

because I'm not a bad person. But I'd have nightmares about it for months. Well, what are you 60 something? You have no kids. Who the fuck are you gonna leave all your money to? The cat? Peter the people who prevent horses from having to be tortured. That's who gets my money. I love it. My sister um you know I mean I'm not gonna go through my whole will. Okay I just want to make sure but it would be nice to leave a kid. I got left my 45s to Scott in New Jersey who I went to school with.

But no, I don't know, yes. I... Somebody would carry a baby and raise it and bring it back when you ready the food. There's a series of very good causes that are all politically correct that I'm leaving my money to. Peter, reading to blind children, I could go through the whole list to pat myself on the back. Okay, okay, get ready.

Not today, hopefully 30, 40 years from now. No, I mean, I have no problem like spending it while I'm here. It's just that I don't have expensive tastes. Like there's nowhere else I'd rather be right now than here with you at Club Random. And it didn't cost me anything. I just came across the lawn. You sound like my husband would be, he don't want to do shit. He just retired.

Oh really? Well, yeah, after the show got his second season, I was like, do retire. I'm red-leaf fucking Indiana. I hate Indiana. Indiana. Yeah, we lived there for 15 years because he worked at General Mold.

My city. Playing field in Indiana. Where's that? You know, let me tell you the history of playing field. When my Tyson did his time for that rape charge, he did it right in front of the house I lived in. It's not right. Mm-hmm.

It was a prison now. And that's what that community was known for. Mike Tyson doing their time at that time. I love playing Indianapolis. That is an awesome crime. Yeah, I love it. They support me. That's what my comedy career took off.

But I'm from Atlanta. I'm from the South. I just wanted to go back home. Well, Indiana, yeah, I mean, other than like the college town Bloomingfield, or Bloomington. That's another good city in Indianapolis. Any place where cities you're gonna have

a mostly liberal audience, but they're in a red state. So they're not like crazy liberal. They're just good liberal. So they're perfect. I love Indianapolis.'re just good. No, they're not crazy. They're perfect. I love Indianapolis. I must say, other than that, the only time I've been to Indiana was once I emergency landed in Gary. He merges the landed in Gary.

Exactly. That was an emergency. That bitch looked like somebody blew it up. I am. I'm like, I ain't lying. We were trying to get into Chicago. Yeah, that bitch looked like somebody blew it up. I am. I like what? I ate lion. We were trying to get into Chicago. This is about, oh my gosh, like 13 years ago,

and there was a fucking electrical storm going around. I mean, when you looked out of the plane, everywhere you looked was lightning. Mm-hmm. No, this is a private plane. There's a little seven-seater, of course. Of course. I didn't think Delta would have been in Gary, India.

And I remember the pilot. Come on now. Delta, Gary, and Donald, ain't no damn way. You have made it to Chicago. Thank you. So I remember hearing the pilot say, we got to put this on the ground now. Which is not the thing you want to over here, the pilot say. But

they did. And that's where it was. Now, because the airfield was closed, we had to climb over the fence. Oh, I loved it. Wow. I loved it. Well, is you then laying downtown Gary? That'll be some shit for you, Bill. Cause I've been downtown Gary. Isn't that where the Jackson Fiber fell? They from Gary, yes. Yes, right. But it looked like a bomb in through that bitch. Really?

It really do. Well, not the default. Yeah, Gary. So, okay, so how long have you been in California? I don a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different.

I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'm a little different. I'mandex pants, everybody eating a spare again. You know, I wanna be around, nothing more fucking like this.

I see what I wanna be, I don't know. So all the cliches about California come alive for you when you're in LA. What's they do? Pretty, but everybody's doing something. You know, everybody lying, isn't so much bullshit. Nobody tells you the truth.

Nobody in this city tells you the fucking truth. Well, my line was always, at least we're honest about being phony. Oh, what if you can? You can argue with that, but there is some truth to that. Because not to pick more fights with New York, because I certainly loved, I've lived in New York twice, I grew up in the area, my father worked there every day.

I love my New York, but I never wanted to live there, the two times I live there. And I found it like hypocritical that they put on themselves this mantle of whole New York. We're so much more sophisticated because we have the museums and the, how often you go to a museum. I always want to say to these people, when do you act? Okay, you live near the museum, but it doesn't actually rub off on you. I found them to be just like anywhere else,

people anywhere else, not more sophisticated than the people. It's where you live. I mean, who you hang out with, where you live? Most of the people I hang out with here in LA are ex-New Yorkers. And I'm lucky. I've lived here 40 years.

I came out with a crew of comedians. I had this support group. We're still friends. And you meet people along the way. Lots of people like to live in LA. You look at most celebrities, even people who are in celebrities who they can, they print fucking Harry and Mrs. Harry. They live here.

Why does everyone want to live here? I don't know. I rather live in Atlanta. I rather, you know, I'm sorry. Oh, I, and Len is awesome too. Yeah, I mean, it's a baby Hollywood. Well, you know, it's the same there. It's good, and it's, plus, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I mean, it's a baby Hollywood. Well, you know, it's the same there. It's good, no.

Plus, you know, it's, it's, It's also the black capital of America. That's another reason. That's all this redock and real, right, Ms. Bies. I don't wanna be around everybody. Don't look like me. Exactly. I can take a mixture of people, but get,

right. That one was wrong with Indian. It was so fucking white. Oh, they did with fake pies. I was like, mixture of people, but get it. That was wrong with Indiana. It was so fucking white. Oh, they did with fake pies. I was like, fake pies and go to church. I'm like, do you bitches know anything else in serving your man? Exactly.

So I just, I mean, you got the right. Yeah, I don't know where I wanna be around. I wanna be around diverse, you know. You wanna be happy, whatever makes you happy. And be not around on this. That should be enough for all of us. And the real estate is a lot cheaper. Diverse, you know, you want to be happy whatever makes you happy and be Not enough for all of us and the real estate is a lot cheaper and it is you know, and it's happening It's a happening town. It's awesome Atlanta's awesome. It's you know, there's a Chicago. I adore You know, I wouldn't live in Chicago for shit, but Chicago is no. Oh my God, no. Really?

No, Chicago, that's a different type of bread of people up there. Is that right? Yes, right. I think I love Chicago. I mean, it's, I like to perform there. I like, I love the little club zanies. That's my spot, but I wouldn't live there.

I just run a living alone. Well, it's too cold to live there in the winter. There was snow in Indiana and weeks don't live. Oh, yes. No. No, I mean, why people live in really punishingly cold climates, now that it is an option not to, I never understand. I get it when you are a nomad of yesterday year by 10,000 years and you had to live here

in the Tundra because if you migrated south, this other tribe would kill you or something like that, your food supply. But why would you live? I mean, I have been to these places not in many years because I wouldn't go, but I've played Minneapolis in just dissent. Howard. We're like, you walk out of the hotel and you're like, oh, it's not that bad.

And then you walk one block and you go, oh, fuck, I need to get indoors like right now because I think. I'm going to die. Right. Because it's painful. It's just it's like, ooh, it's not like, ooh, cold. It's like, oh, I'm worried. And many naplas, it gets, I was so cold one time.

I felt my lips swelling. Yeah. You feel like I feel like I had a fucking lip job by the time I got in. So I don't, and I hate cold weather, like freezing cold, like snow and stuff like that. I can take a lot of that. A lot of it get about 60 something,

and we don't have freezing. Not that I've been in the antecientifing years, I can handle. Yeah, land is very, I mean, it's kind of like this weather, except probably a little more humid in the summer. Just hot as fuck. Right, but it's also, we get hot too, but we don't see, this is desert weather.

It's why I think it's so desirable, is that it's always cool at night, even if it's blazing hot in the day, and it's not that humanity. I wish we had some humanity because we have no fucking water out here, and we're all just gonna roll up and die at some point, because I don't know where the shit is coming from

when I turn on the tap, because we never reigns, but somehow I'm drinking it right now and somehow it still comes out but you bought that that's what you got that that did not come from your fucking temple okay you're probably right okay but it does I hope you're not drinking it out the tap I know I love Atlanta was there. Do you know my friend, Killer Mike? I've never met Killer Mike. You should.

I should, but I want to know. Can I arrange this? Yes you please. You'd love him. He's been here at Club Random. Really? Oh yes, I was in Atlanta last November. We went out to his favorite club, the Blue Flame.

No, you did not take care of fucking you. Yes, he did. I mean, the holes was on you Bill Martin. I know that was on you. I know them holes was on you. Because if I was a hoe and Bill Martin walked into the Blue Flame on Baker, I'd be like, Ching-ching.

You would have had so many color titters on your shoulder. I told this story when he was on, but I'll tell it to you. So like, you know, people have to understand the blue flame. It's like a regular ad strip club. It's not regular ad strip. It's quite nice. Well, they don't remodel it. It's quite nice.

I mean, there's another one called the Magic City. Magic City. And Cheaters. Okay, but Magic City. Magic City. And theaters. Which, okay, but Magic City, I've heard that name before about it. Magic City is where all the celebrities go. Well, I said to Mike, he said, I wanna take you out. I said, Magic City is a place.

That's where the tourists go. Mm-hmm. Okay. He said, I'm gonna take you to place. And that's his neighborhood, he grew up. I did too. This is killer. In the same neighborhood? Not all up in there now. We used to live in a place called Bank Aid Court. That's how it used grew up. I do too. This is killer. In the same neighborhood? Not all up in there now.

We used to live in a place called Bankier Court. That's how we used to be called Bankier Court, but they changed it. But you follow my line, you see how they banked it. Okay. So he says, I want to take you to the blue flame. And, you know, and with his wife, I mean, after it had sent people, I think,

sometimes he or strip club and they think, oh, nefarious, whatever, no, it's more like an after-hours. It is? Yes. I mean, yes. Are there naked girls dancing? Yes.

And they're very, it's interesting. I've never seen a club quite like this where as soon as you sit down, the girls come over and start dancing, you know, very energetically right in front of you. Like you don't have to ask or talk to them first. And like, I don't, it's too much money that you see. did you see it? I'm going to tell you this right. Okay. Going with the story. So Mike, Mike comes back with like a stack of ones. Like, I mean, just as long as a well endowed man's penis, a very big stack of ones. Okay. And then that's how we're saying black dick but keep going Bill Mark.

Keep the fuck going. You're in the black screw club. I know what you are. Oh, stack of money like a big old black dick. I did not say that. I did not say that. Yeah, you say a while and down, man, but keep going. Tell your story.

But anybody I could have been talking about myself. Oh, shit. Keep going Bill Mark. Okay. So like, I'm like, Mike, I am not throwing singles. I find it demeaning. It's gross. What? Singles, I mean, I just, there's something about that I cannot do.

And so this girl, you know, they start dancing in front of me. She said, I said, please, just sit down. You don't have to like stop just. You're there in a rough, people work. Hello, how you doing? Nice to meet you. I don't want to get to know you. And she was like, my name is they panties.

And I just, I gave her a hundred dollar bill. And I just said, this is how I do it. And she probably said, suddenly, we just all just chilled. Did she say that with you? Yes, then she was very glad she sat down. Yes, and we had a lovely conversation. And she didn't have to dance. Did you know what you were?

No, of course not. I bet you she didn't. I bet you she didn't. I bet you she took a picture of you ass and did a revised Google search. Bet you a brilliant Google search. I bet you, took a picture of you as and did a reverse Google search. Bet you a Really, I bet you I know holes. I got a lot of friends as whole and if a white man coming to a black screw club You think I'm not gonna take a picture your ass and do a reverse Google search. I was gonna say Bill mark. Ching-ching. Let me put this on my way and talk all night

Me and my friend who travels with me. we were the only white people in there. I will say that. Okay, how much money you spend? Oh, I, you know, I mean, like, I feel like if that's what you're doing for a living, which is a hard job, I think it's a very hard job. I tip everybody big. One of the great perks of having money

is tipping in 50s and 100s. Made. 50s and 100s. The blue fly. Any everywhere. Oh. Mades, waiters, ballet parkers. Like, you know, you can give a lot of money to charity.

You never really see it. And you're not even sure if it goes to where it's supposed to be going. But you can see someone's eyes light up with those denominations. That is one of the better things about having money and no bunch of fucking kids I have to spend it on. Yeah. I got it. You can go to the Flint Lane and get a stack of fifths and not miss them when you don't

have kids. I don't get it. That's why I kill a my head once cause he got babies. I don't get them I bring them. Oh you bring the fifthes with you? Well you know there's no $50 machine at the blue flame. But you get it. Well they got them, they get singles.

That's what they're selling over there. Let me ask you. So he probably spent way more than I did. He just did it in singles. Yeah, but he got a lot more entertainment than you did. Because you probably ran out of your 50s first. I don't want entertainment. I don't want trouble in a strip club.

I just want to kill some time. And, you know, like, I've been to strip clubs like with other guys who like never go because their wife wouldn't let them and that kind of shit. And they're always like, they're like panting, like a fucking golden retriever. And I'm like, calm down.

You think the greatest thing in the world is gonna happen because whatever is in your fantasy mind about strip clubs, I said the way you handle a strip club is act like you're in a normal bar or club. And then everything that happens that's better than that is gravey. So like, if you went a regular bar and a pretty girl came up to you and wanted to start talking to you, you'd be like, this is fucking great. Well, that's going to happen in a strip club.

So just be happy with that. You're not gonna get blown in the champagne room. You're too fucking calm. I know people hate party went to you. Just calm down. And your 20-friend who got a family been probably banging the same woman forever. We're kids, born and tied.

And you take them to a script club and then acting like a hound dog and you tell them to calm down. Calm down. What are you telling them to a script club, and then acting like a hound dog, and you tell them to calm down. Calm down. What are you telling them to calm you? What I'm telling them to do is lower expectations, so that if you, again, if you think of it as just a regular club, a regular bar you're in, then whatever happens that's better

than happens in the other, the regular bar, is gonna seem awesome. Whereas if you think you're gonna have some magical night, that's not gonna happen in a strip club. It just isn't. Well, I don't go to strip clubs. Right. But it is a big thing to do in a lab.

Me neither. No, but I have to put you with Mike. Because he is. But not to the strip club. I don't wanna see no, okay, vagina, because I don't want to see no, okay, vagina, because I don't want to see my own vagina. Okay, I don't want to see no naked women

because that didn't what I did. What do you want to see your own vagina? I'm done. Done caring for it and I done using it. I'm okay, but I don't want to see no naked pussy. I'm sorry. I don't want to. No, you shouldn't. To the right way.

But that's what you see when you go to strip club. But I've heard Blue Flame guy, did you eat? I heard the chicken wings are really good. You are adorable. The idea of eating in a strip club. I mean, people go there for lunch in Atlanta. Yes, people do a lot of things. You didn't eat the chicken wings and blue flying.

Johnny Depp where it's five scarves. I mean, people do a lot of weird things. I mean, I just don't get it. But you just say Johnny Depp what five scarves? Yes. You was going to do some shit. Okay. I'm just saying. I can't account for what people do, but I personally would not have a meal at a strip club. It's just not a man. Oh, you missed it. That's shit. Really? The chicken wings are so good at magic city and blue flying.

I've never had a chicken wing. That's not my kind of food. You don't eat chicken wings? No, I remember I'm the LA person. Why you don't want to live here? I eat the sprouts. I eat the... You ain't going sprouts in hell.

No. No, right. No, I don't know chicken wings. You didn't eat the... It's not good for you. I know, but it's so popular. What is a chicken wing? Is it the actual wing of the chicken?

Yeah, they make... What's that better? I don't know. They said they got the best recipe at the script club. But that's not a breast. That's a different part of the chicken. No, that's the wing. The wing, yeah.

Bill, more the wing. The wing. The fake white meat. The wing. The thing that used to make the chicken fly a little bit. You don't know what a chicken was. I think that's why I don't eat it. Because it wasn't good enough to get the chicken off the ground.

How healthy can this piece of meat be? Well, because if he got off the ground, we wouldn't be eating this meat. Well, that's right. So why would I want to eat that? Think about it, Ms. Pat. You're vegetarian? No, not a vegetarian.

You don't eat chicken wings, you just eat the breast? I definitely check it breast, yes. And I think legs, drumstick, you know. But wings, I feel like it's something that you have at a sports bar. Oh, but not at the strip club. Atlanta do it right for the strip clubs. With the food?

Well, that's what they say. I don't go. I went years ago when I was a lot younger, but I don't go now. But you should, next time you in Atlanta, you go to Blue Flang, you should get just sell some chicken wings. Well, next time in Atlanta, you and me and Killer Mic are going out together.

Yeah, you're gonna bring 50s, and I'm gonna help you tip the holes. No, no, we won't go to this trip club. Of course not. You don't wanna go there. No, I don't wanna go. When I use the... What's the finest restaurant

that most five star, Hoy Ploy, the most five-star, Hoy Palloy, not Hoy Palloy, is that? In Atlanta, I don't know. I don't really. No, come on. You must be Atlanta royalty at this point. You must know what the nicest restaurant is. The nicest restaurant in Atlanta is Chick-fil-A.

No, it's not. Okay, you know what, I'm gonna find out. Mike will know. You're Mike probably would know. And that's where we're going. It's a lot of them, but I don't really get out like that to go out and eat. Well, you're gunna when I come to town.

Well, when you come to town, I will always be. Because married people are always looking for an excuse to get out of the house like that. Not me. No. Not one of them. Oh, yeah.

I'm never looking for this crazy guy. Right, just right. I go. Now, he's saying that. That's right, because you're. I get the hell out. Right never looking for this piece of it. I go, now he's saying that. That's right, because you're on the run. I get the hell out. Right, because you're on the run. Yeah, so I mean, I-

Is your making that buck? I'm trying. Yeah, no, I know you are. I know you keep your car trying to convince me that you don't make it a lot of money. I know what you're doing and I know what they pay. Let me say this to you, I'm black, and my family might see this shit.

So I'm gonna know money. Well. I'm black, and my family might see this shit. So, I'm gonna money. Well. I'm trying to stir you away from there. Okay. You keep doing it. You back into my norm, not. You could say that, but let the record show, I did not. I don't even approve.

I'll dare you. No. I'm doing okay. You're doing well. I'm having fun. Well, that's part of doing well, but money doesn't hurt either. Money don't hurt a thing.

It's good that you're getting a lot. Yeah. No, by the way, is that even really the right way to handle that with family by keeping it a secret? Is it the right way to just say? No. Yeah, just say,

Yeah, just say no. No. Well, you don't strike me as a person who is, has trouble saying what they really feel. Oh, I don't have a problem saying the damn thing I want to say. I know you don't. I say it all the time. They've just let me bar it.

I said, I'm not binkin' for America. I don't know. They say, let me bar it. Bar it. Bar it. Oh, and I say no. I'm not b of America. So what? They say let me barry. Barry? Barry. Barry. And I say no. I'm not bank of America. Well, there you go. Right.

I don't know. I've said the same thing to people. I've said the words, I'm a friend, not a bank. Yes, exactly. And I always felt like the little unsaid implication was, and if you keep asking me this question about money, the friend part could go away, too. Yeah, a lot of times I thought the first act can go away from me. And I'm giving away, I mean, I'm not, I feel like wealth is a fluke.

Like, if you can do something like we can't like tell jokes, you can get well-rewarded for it, that's kind of a fluke that wouldn't have happened 500 years ago. So we're lucky. So I acknowledge that. And I think I'm very generous with my money, but not with just people who like, if the attitude is, well, I'm okay. I could make my own money, but you have a lot, so can I have some of that? That's that strikes me wrong. Oh, I don't have that kind of money for people to say that bill You know this should just happen for me My friends they still ask for gas money

You know key, you have me with a rent kind of money Nobody asked me for no vacation money. No, but you're gonna just establish your hard line on that. It's as your money you built with your hard work based on your hard life. Yes. You know, you paid your dues as much as anybody to have what you are now getting. You have zone and now you are reaping.

You are reaping. It's not a group reap. It's not a group reap. I grew up reap. You know I have to tell my kids. No reaping. No reaping. We're not all reaping because we didn't all sow.

Did y'all hear that kid is y'all didn't sow shit. I sow, I reap. Bill Mark told me to tell y'all that y'all didn't sow shit. I sow, I read. Bill Marte told me to tell y'all that. Y'all ain't shit and don't ask. That's good. Showing and reaping with your kids, huh? Yeah, I mean, I have no problem saying no. Good. I'm not, you know, my kid is nowhere I came from.

I've never hit nothing about my background from them. You know, they know I sold crack, they know I dropped out of school, they know everything I've been through. So they know I'm not the type that's just gonna hand them shit. I hand them all a job. They work on a set, I have a daughter that writes on the show, one that does makeup, one that works in construction.

So you're gonna work, I'm not gonna give you shit. I'm gonna give you an opportunity. Yeah. But I'm not gonna write you a cheat I'm gonna give you an opportunity. Yeah. But I'm not gonna write you a change. Yes, exactly how it should be done. So, you know, you know, it's exactly my key struggle. And by the way, when parents spoil their kids,

they fuck it up from both angles. Yes. They make their life miserable, and they fuck up their kids. They do. It's the worst of both worlds. It is. You're miserable because now you've got this monster

brat living in your house, this entitled Little Prick. And you've got a kid who's gonna be fucked up because they're gonna get out in the world and think the world's gonna treat them like they're a super indulgent kid. And then I gotta know how to take rejection. Right, and we have this problem now. Yes, we do.

Yeah. We do all the time. So you are doing the right thing. You are raising your kids the right way and now you're the crack part. What? Look at those eyes. The crack part.

Don't tell me you thought I would. Everybody knew you. I always say, oh my God, you overcame crack. I have not did no fucking drugs. I'm like, I know you sold crack. Okay, good, because I did an interview last one of these days, oh my God, how did you get off crack? I'm like, who the hell told you I was on crack?

I don't even smoke cigarettes. So what are you talking about? I'm on the crack. I sold crack. Right, that's different, but selling it, doing it. I'll tell even smoke cigarettes. So what are you talking about? I don't drink. I sold it. Right, it's different, but selling it and doing it. I'll tell a big difference. I mean, you know, don't get high in your own supply is a... Is a real damn thing.

Is it adage? I mean, I remember this album from the notorious BIG and one of the songs was Ten Crack Rules. Do you remember that? No. Oh, I think that was the name of the song. It was the Ten Rules about smoking. But I remember listening and thinking,

well, these are actually good rules for life in general. It really doesn't just apply, Mr. G, to crack. But that's what we were dealing with, so it's the rules. But were you a good crack salesman? I was. I made a lot of money selling crack. You know, it's ironic because when you get the crack salesman in a room and the head guy says, coffee is for closers.

You're like, for fuck's sake, I'm selling crack. Do you think I need coffee? But you know, steak knives, you know, I know the best salesman in the group usually gets some sort of bonus like that, like a trip or something. What are you talking about? Like when you're, when you're, you and the other crack salesmen aren't there?

No, it's an important. Is there a bonus? You acting like I'm selling Sears wash machines. What the hell are you talking about? I'm talking with you. I wasn't selling for nobody else. No, there's this, this is movie called Glen Gary Glen Ross. It's famous.

It's about these, these real estate salesmen. Yeah. And the famous line is, he says, you know, coffee is for closures, you know. Yeah. Because there's about these real estate salesmen. Yeah. And the famous line is he says, you know, coffee is for closures, you know. Because there's like eight of the salesmen, they whoever's like, lowest gets fired. But if you're the sell the most, you get, you know, you get the steak knives or whatever.

Yeah. But you're saying that this was more informal, the crack business. Yeah, it was, I did it for myself. I didn't work for anybody. Oh, you really? Yeah, I didn't work for anybody. How did you get the crack? My kids father used to sell crack and then he went to jail and I couldn't pay my rent so I took my welfare check and bought

I think it was called whatever is your supply. What was the the providence of your supply? Everybody you had bigger drug tools than me, but eventually I became... Of course you got to get your, I mean, I was a drug dealer too. You was, what did you say? When I was at college, my father was at a work, I wasn't gonna get through with what we had coming in. First I started with pot. I went from not smoking pot to dealing it in six months

because I couldn't afford it, but if you deal it, then you can afford it because when you buy an ounce or you can pound it's 16 ounces but if you make it 17 ounces that's called the head tax well you just give everyone a little light and then you have one ounce or almost an ounce for yourself come on you must have cut coke like that. I mean, for fuck's sake, we're drug dealers. No, no, no. You're a completely honest drug dealer.

You might have been. Well, no, you stepped on it. You stepped on it, right? Yeah, you stepped on it. Okay, so. But you stepped on it for yourself. Yes, exactly. But that was just pot.

Then me and my partner, our pot dealer was getting other drugs. So whatever he got, we got an opium acid. Whatever he was selling and doing it. Our dealer? He looked like he was doing a lot of something. Stringy hair, typical drug dealer. Look, we were college kids. So we just like, you know, whatever he had, we would get a little bit and then sell it

to the other college kids. You know, that's how I got through college. Well, your corner was safe. He was on college. This was Ethica, New York. There was no corners. I know, I say you quads. That's what I'm saying.

You quads was a safe. I was actually standing in New York. There was no corners. I know I say you quads. That's what I'm saying. You quads was safe. I was actually standing on a date. Right. Exactly. I was dealing on the quads. The big quads. Yeah. Bill Mark. There was drive-by poetry readings. Oh my god. It was rough. No, I mean, I could have been a, I mean, Jesus Christ, I mean, I could have been arrested back then. We were dealing shit. Yeah.

But, you know, I mean, college, I guess, I don't care, but yeah, I mean, I feel like drugs are a product that sells itself. You know what, I tell people, I tell them I said, two things I never seen in the commercial for is crack in Waffle House. That shit, both is good.

They say, I can just defy for waffle. But you never see a crack commercial and a waffle house commercial. Them two fucking sales themselves. They sell them sales themselves. I've never seen a waffle house commercial. I've seen a Huda house commercial. If you remember Huda house, but I never seen a waffle-files commercial. I've seen a Hutter House commercial. If you remember Hutter House, but I've never seen a white-files commercial.

You're right. They sell themselves. When shit is good, where at a mouth is way stronger than any commercial you can ever shoot. Right. When something is good, people gonna talk about it.

Well, they're talking about you these days. I feel like you're right on the cusp of a great next act in your career. It's very exciting. You should be, I hope you're enjoying this moment because you're like walking into stardom at a great moment. You have enough experience in your past, so you're not going to fuck it up or make a mental mistake that fucks it up, but you're still like, I mean, you look just like, you know, you don't look 50. And this is a great moment for comedy. And it's just, you got it.

You got a great opening here. I'm enjoying it. We just got nominated for it, and me. I know you do. It's awesome. I mean, to me, it. You know, we just got nominated for it. I know you, Joe. Yeah, so. I mean, to me, it's a show, you know, the Miss Pat Show is a little show that just nobody wanted, nobody understood it.

You know, everybody wanted me to be the typical black mama on TV. It's better. It's funny. It's great. It's real. Yeah. And finally, somebody listened, which was BET Plus. Right.

And they allowed me to be mean. Well, you know what? You're allowed to be more politically incorrect than I am. You know what I'm saying? No, I don't. But okay. Your shows are politically incorrect. We say some shit. Yeah. Yeah. We did. Right. Yeah, I can get away with it a little bit more than you probably could be. That's what I'm saying. So it's refreshing. It is people want. People are feeling very stifled.

People feel there's just too much. You can't say that. That's it with the fuck I want to say. In society and they, and someone and someone like you comes along, I mean, we have that in common. Yeah, I mean, why is the world such a pussy these days? Exactly, the world such a pussy. You know, oh my God, you can't say that. I can say that.

Yes, you can. You know, why can't I say how I feel? You can. But people go cry and, you know, they ready to jump off a fucking ledge and then look at the thing you say, it's the kids that we're raising today. They don't know how to, they don't work for shit.

We give them everything. So that's why they turn into a bunch of holes and be crying all the time. Right. I tell my time, don't about all you shit. Don't about all you shit. If you don't get up and get out and get something like, I can't say it 30 years ago, you're never gonna have shit.

But that's what's wrong, you know. Instead of being honest to kids, they want to pamper kids and make the world easy for everybody. The world ain't easy. Why, why, why, I cut my kids. People say, oh, how can you cut such a kids? I say, cause when they get into the world world and somebody say, fuck off, they won't fall into the ground.

Oh, that's all you got. Fuck off. I heard that from my mom every day. Who'd have ever thought it? You and I are the role models of American needs. We are. We should replace Biden and vice president. Kamala Harris.

Yes, I guess we could probably take it. You nobody didn't have COVID, right? You know he wouldn't got his eyes redone. Is that right? Yeah, his eyes live. But I've never heard this until this moment, but that's an interesting theory. Look, his eyes look like a baby at his.

I was like, who do you think you food him by? You wouldn't have had your fucking eyes done for the sixth time. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a scoop. I wouldn't put a pass them. Yeah. Look at his eyes look like they're 22, but his neck is 87. Right. All right. Thank you. Give me a hug. Thank you. All right. It was a pleasure. And a good drink to whoever made it. It's hard to read you sometimes, but you know, the one thing you can't hide is left. Oh.

I saw you laughing a lot. Oh, that's fun. Thank you. It was like me a little. I do like you. Okay. That's fun. That's fun.

That's fun. I do like you. Okay.