Club Random with Bill Maher - Sebastian Maniscalco | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Sebastian Maniscalco and Bill Maher chop it up about Sebastian getting an early gig with Bill, Sebastian’s career anxiety, Sebastian’s old school love of the Rat Pack, the genius of Steve Wynn, the information fairy, the danger of standing beside a window in Russia, the word you can’t say, and whether Bill ever encountered the Mob in Vegas.  

Club Renew. I don't know who leaves the roaches. Did this happen at your house with your kids? Uh, no. Kids only have the roaches around. I'm not a big... How old are your kids? Five and three.

And when will you start them on marijuana? I was never a big pot guy. I could tell. No, no, I don't mean that as an insult. I know that sounded bad. I could tell. Yeah. But this could be the night. It know, I mean, I, you never

would like blow jobs before that first guy shocked your dick, right? I mean, I'm just saying the rumors I've heard. No, but even in high school, you didn't. No, no, no cigarettes, no pot. You probably don't want to start with this one. No, it looks lethal. And I don't do like drinking or any type of drugs when I'm doing these things. Doing what things? Like if I'm doing a podcast or a show. This isn't a podcast. I can't even think of that.

This is just a little get to get. You don't wanna drink at all. I mean, not even soda. Not even water. Just water. Oh, Jesus. And you're Italian? Yeah.

You know, your name, I have to say, always sounded to me like an explorer. I've never heard that before. No, I'm sure. Why would anyone have thought it before? But it does. Sebastian, I'm sure. Why would anyone have thought it before, but it does Sebastian Monascalco. Sounds to me like it would go in with Columbus or, you know, Vasco de Gama. Your name could have been Vasco de Gama. I feel like that could have switched out easily. Bartelome, Diaz, Balboa.

You see what I'm saying? It just sounds like you, that name, I could see as an expert, if I had learned that name in history class. You know, it's like in 1498, Sebastian. The Scarlet. Yeah, it was the first one to go around the Cape of Good Hope and discover, you know, I don't know Wakanda. No, now that you mentioned it, it does sound like I explored the high seas and discovered

a lot of stuff back in the day. Who are your favorite explorers? Well, you know what, I'm not versed on a lot of explorers. I was going to say, Vesbucci. Is that an explorer? Vesbucci? America, the Vesbucci? Oh, America, Vesbucci yesterday. Yes, you're right. was a, people have the thought that he was just a map maker because that's how we got the name America from obviously his first name America. But he wasn't an explorer himself, probably just for the pussy. Okay. See, back then, I think explorers were very much the rock stars of their era.

I think they had groupies and your latest expedition was like your latest album, I think. These are the things I think about when I masturbate. About the 15th century, you have to like, hey, if you see a hot chick in a movie, then it takes place in the 15th century, you have to like, hey, if you see a hot chick in a movie, then it takes place in the 15th century. It's like, how could I be get with that chick? Oh, I'd be an explorer, of course. And then, you know, they just, they throw themselves at the explorer.

Maybe I should start smoking pots. Jesus Christ. When you're thinking about explorers on a day-to-day, no, it's just your name. It's just your name. It's just your name. It is a name of an explorer. But so, yeah. I met you, you're not gonna remember this.

I was a, I don't know what you call it, you did a thing called Mob Week on your old show. Mob Week on politicallyically and Correct. Yeah. That was in the days when it was 1999. It was in the days when TV took ratings three times a year. So you had to do something special during ratings month. So all the shows would do things like travel the show.

Something to get people to like to goose the numbers. Like, ooh, they're in New York doing mob week. And, well, were you the guy that they hired to hit me? We were in a warehouse from me, you in a comedian named Joey Diaz, and it was a promo for the mob week. And that's, and I thought like I hit gold when I got this part.

I just got out here in 98 and 99, I get cast to do a mobster in your show for a promo. I called home, I'm like, this is it. It's happening. I'm in a warehouse with Martin. We're doing a mob week promo. So that's where I cross-past. And you were just tired because you are a very typical Italian.

You are the epitome of Italian-ness. Yeah. I mean, if I ran into you in the street, I swear to God, the first thing out of my mouth would not be, hey, that guy's Italian. I don't, I don't even, I mean, I know what you talk about a lot in Iraq, so I understand that. But I don't even see it in you. I see it. I see an explorer. I see a guy in the bow of a ship with scurvy. That's what I see. I do not see it. But no, I understand your Italian. And, you know, as the senator said in the Godfather Part II the Italians are a wonderful people.

Oh yeah I want to say. And we're so happy they've come out to this clean country. Do you obviously the Godfather Part II? Oh yeah. That speech? Well that hypocrisy is so great of when the senator played by G.D. Spradlin, G.D. Spradlin, what are the great character actors? Also, the coach in North Dallas, Forty, and also in Apocalypse Now, he's like the guy who

says, you have to go on a mission and terminate with extreme prejudice. But he, when he meets Michael Corleone in private, he's like, I don't like you. I don't like your oily people coming out to this nice, clean country and bringing with your silky suits and you know, he just could not be more of a put down against the entire Italian nation. And then of course, when he's accepting the check, he's my good friend, Vatel Corleon. And then of course when he's in Congress, it has to excuse himself because it's a little awkward

that he'd be in this hearing about Michael Corleon. And the tang and people are a fine people who have done so many great things for our country. It's just, well, it's really later get caught with like a prostitute and they kill the prostitute and he will correct you. Correct, yeah. The movie, yeah.

They set him up and then Tom Hagen comes in and he's just like, he's got his shirt off, you know. He's like, he doesn't know what happened. They must have drugged him too. And you know, she's dead and Tom Hagen comes in and says, we'll take care of this. This is a girl. She has no family. Woo! I just got to say those mobsters were poor. They were next to explorers. Of people. Ruthless. So where do you live now? I live right up the street.

Really? Yeah, literally. Yeah, we wouldn't mention names, but like a mile away. A mile away. I know a lot of you live there. Yeah, we live there right before the pandemic. So, before that year in New York? No, I've been here since 98. All right.

I used to live on like Melrose Fairfax, like West Hollywood area. And then it moved up here. That's the progression. Yeah. You've got this big blossoming career. You're not gonna fucking still live on Melrose. Next to the Shmada store. You're moving on up to the side. No, that's what D-Luck's apartment.

So you like it? Yeah, I do. I mean, you like being you and all this success. I'm having a trouble kind of adjusting to the... Yeah, you seem kind of down. Well, it's me. Guy, with all your, you know, this is my problem. I don't know necessarily how to enjoy myself at this point in my career. That's what I'm getting.

And I think I have your answer right here, but you won't do it. I've got it in my hand, I've got it on the table. I got it everywhere, but the problem with me is I'm like an over-analyser. I get, I overthink things. Me too. Yeah. And I'm having a hard time being in the moment and enjoying where I am in life because I'm constantly thinking down the road.

I'm constantly thinking that my last gig I do is the last gig I'm ever going to do. That's something, you know what? This all is not the worst possible thing. Over-analysing. Yeah, can it be a bad thing? It can. But it's also, um, I'll, you know what, I'm going to keep that trait. I think I'm going to want to analyze because I like to keep trouble at bay. Yeah.

Keep it far away. How do I do that? I analyze things. It's opposed to what what being a stumbling idiot Walking down a dark hallway and bumping into things. No, I think so I don't think over analyzing Despite the drawbacks that it does have is the worst possible thing. So I don't think you should feel bad about feeling bad Well, I've never had to put that way before but you see you never talk to anybody like me and you should feel bad about feeling bad. Oh, I've never had to put that way before, but you've seen, you never talked to anybody like me, and you should have.

Well, you see, I mean, I don't know you, but just on the surface, you see, I'm like a relaxed guy, you're kind of confident where you are in life right now. Yeah. And I'm at a point where, you know, I've got two small kids, five and three, trying to bring them up in Los Angeles,

always kind of grinding over everything. I mean, of course, kids change every dynamic 100%. Wouldn't you agree? Oh yeah, definitely. And I'd say that if someone has never had kids, but I've seen them around. I don't enjoy them. I never have, but I see them.

I see the way they brought up. What's the problem for you? Well, Bill Clinton used to say about abortion that it should be safe, legal, and rare. And I feel the same about children. They should be safe, legal, and rare. And I feel the same about children. They should be safe, legal, reluctantly yes, but rare. And certainly not in places where adults go. And when I was a kid, no, I don't know, what are you like, 50? 50? There you go. Well, welcome aboard. 50. There you go. Well, welcome aboard. Welcome aboard to the second half of your century of life. Hopefully we'll make it a century. It is the normal lifespan, I think, of a human if we're not poisoned

and with toxicity. There are many people who live 200. That is, I think, and I think an elephant also. And I think an elephant also. Lift a hundred? I think so, but I forget. Get it, elephant. Anyway, but 50 is, well, see, I think your generation is actually the last sane generation, your Gen X. Okay, after that, it goes off the cliff quickly.

And when it gets the Gen Z, I mean, it's just the insanity. I mean, I know you share these views because I watch your specials which are very funny. What's the one that's on now? Is it me? Yes. Is it me? Yes. It's constantly walking around. Yeah. I love the tux. I like the tux. I love that idea. I mean, I love the tux. I love old schoolness, you know, and I love old schoolness, you know, and bringing back that rat-packie kind of Vegas thing is certainly something. With, if it could happen, the accompanying mindset in a lot of ways, which is, you know, ring a ding-ding.

Let's live, you know? I mean, obviously, see the younger generation, you can't say that because, oh, yes, Frank Sinatra, but he also was bad with women. Everybody's bad with something. First of all, people evolve. Humans evolve. You can't expect, they think you can look back at the past and judge it by the more rates of the present, which even their own generation will not stand up to in 50 years. We're doing things now that the weight. So the younger generation probably doesn't want to go back to the rat pack-eat times, and

yeah, it wasn't good in some ways, but there was a general feeling to it. I think Vegas was better when the mob ran it. I do too, and I just feel like, I don't know, does that come back around? Do we see a Vegas in 10, 20 years where people are dressed in suits cocktail dresses? I mean, Steve, when try to implement that at the win hotel when he first opened it,

no kids, no strollers, guys had to wear a jacket and women had to have cocktail dresses. And that lasted 48 hours. And, and, you know, they were walking through the, the casino with a thong on. So, it's like, I don't know. I, I feel like, yeah, there, there was some, there was some, those times or whatever. Everybody, everybody in every generation was doing something that was probably not looked upon as good.

But I'm just saying, how could you deny putting on a nice jacket, looking the park when you go out? Now you go anywhere and it seems like it's just, it's just, I mean, that's interesting that you mentioned it. I did not realize that Steve Win did that. Do you know what year that was? That was, years ago. Now you opened the hotel around 15, 20 years ago. I want to say 2004 to 2005. The win. The win and the on. The win and the on. Yeah. Right. So, and there were signs all over the casino saying that this is what happened. Well, he's also the guy who when he had the, the knee of the Bellagio.

Yeah. Okay. Had the exhibit of like art, art's greatest hits. They had, they had a museum. And it was just the ones that, you know, it wasn't the Mona Lisa because you couldn't get that on the lawn. But they had Van Gogh's, like, you know, Starry Starry Night in there. I mean, they had some major artworks. And that was his way of saying, yes, as you were saying, let's raise the bar. Let's have a little class here. I mean, I thought that was brilliant. And of course, as much as that cost, the thing out front was genius because

it cost like ten cents, and everybody loved that even more, which was the tape of Pavarotti. They played and then the the fountains with lights. So what do you need? Water, lights and a disc. And it blew everybody's minds and they were like, fuck man, go, look at this. He made water shooting the air. He's the man who's in genius. So I think that's your answer about like, trying to get the masses to put on a nice coat and tie. I don't think that's ever gonna fit again. I have hopes that that might come around, but who knows, I don't know where this is going.

Not on a mass level, that's the thing. I mean, you could do it for a select group, yes. But they don't want that in a casino. They want throngs of people losing money. You want the biggest, you know, what they call it, the drop at the table. I think you probably know from working Vegas. They don't really care about you as a performer, certainly not what you're doing.

As long as it brings in people, but even that is not what they care about. They care about what the people who you bring in do when your show ends. And what do you think that is? Well, I mean, listen, they're looking... Gamble. Yeah, they're looking. Gamble for the food, the nightclubs, the rooms. Not the nightclubs, not the food, not at gamble.

That's what their business is. That's, you're selling nothing. There is no product and people are giving you their money. That's a good business to be in. They're just selling air and hope. Food, you have to actually provide food. You know, that's have to pay you to tell jokes. But the gambling, it's everything.

Everything is there to funnel them to lose their house and mortgage and their child's future at the tables. And that's all you're there for. I agree. But you yourself, did you play Vegas when there was hints of the mob still there? I, when I was 26, I opened for Diner Ross at Caesar's Palace. Talk about Thrill to get a job. But it was what I call the dead ball era in Vegas. It was after the rat pack days, but before Vegas had reinvented itself as a place where young

people would be interested in going. I mean, I was there for two weeks, 26 years old. I don't remember seeing any pretty girls. No, so it was just older. It was almost like what I get Miami was like at a certain point, you know, that kind of the acts were fairly octogenarian. I mean they were let's just say they were veteran performers I don't think everyone was in their 80s, but you know, it was like Pat Cooper I remember I went and saw as many of the comedians, buddy Hackett, you know, um

went and saw as many of the comedians, but he hacked it. And Diana Ross was like, that was the, seizures at that moment was the biggest casino by far. That was the shit. And she was the biggest star. I think the number, I think she was getting a week was $400,000.

That's pretty big in the age. Oh yeah. Yeah. So you had no hints of like, Mr. Ma, right, this way. You hints of like Mr. Mar right this way. You know, certainly, no one was saying to me, Mr. Mar anything or right this way. I was the sacrificial lamb that went on stage

while people filed in to see the great Diana Ross. And she was great and it's great, I loved her. Still do. But no, there was none of that. And I don't, I mean, I would not have been privy to that, but I think it was phasing out anyway. I think, you know, the heyday was the 50s and 60s. I mean, that's, of course, the plot of Godfather too that we were just talking about is, you know, part of it is Bugs, the Seagal opening Vegas. I mean, him and my, Herman Rothas, that great speech, where he talks about how Mogreen got

shot in the eye, and there's not a plaque or a signpost. This was a man of guts and vision. He invented the city of Las Vegas, and we don't honor him, you know, that era, I think, had pretty much passed by the time I got there. The problem was they were fumbling around a while before they realized that they were sitting on the gold mine of, this is the one place in America where you can be an adult, you can be politically incorrect, you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas now. So when they kind of went,

they tried to be like family friendly and it's like, that's not who you are and you shouldn't want to be that. You have, you have this almost all to yourself. People act in Vegas in ways they don't, the rest of the country when they're home. And that is an awesome thing to be selling. They should actually be doing better than they are. Well, I don't know. From what I'm saying, it's constantly packed, especially after the pandemic. Now, Cal makes... Macau, China, makes 10 times what Las Vegas does. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah. Sorry. You started down this row, don't you?

Sorry. Are you doing it here? It's called a Macau. Yeah. No. 10 times. That's crazy. Yeah.

So with probably no entertainment. I mean, who the hell's going there? I mean, you don't see any, I don't hear anybody going to win Macau. Well, they're probably stars of China. Chinese singers. You know, I mean, I don't know, but it could very well be. First of all, they just take gambling much more seriously. So it's probably a little more like,

I'm sure you've played Indian casinos. Yes. They also can be kind of like light on the atmosphere. And you know, it's just like this is a big, big barn and we have gambling here and that's kind of it and I'm thrilled that they hire comedians, you know, I've had some great times there, but yeah, it's not like Vegas, there's no fountains going off, there's no pirate ships, there's no tigers, there's no homosexual German magicians. It's just a place to gamble. I don't know what Macau is like and I'm not going to find

out. But the Asian culture is much more driven by fate, the belief in fate as opposed to a Western man who is more of, I can create my own destiny. So given that as the background of their philosophical underpinnings, it is probably why gambling. You know, it's just fate. If I'm lucky tonight, you know, make a fortune. But they do love their gambling and they do it a lot. And, you should play Macau. Well, I mean, I noticed you go to the Winneau tell in Las Vegas and in the shower, the toiletries says soap, and then I'm assuming it says soap in Chinese.

And does it look like it's in Chinese? Well, yeah, it's Chinese. So I'm like, how much are the Chinese dropping here that they're, that they had a meeting to say, we gotta start writing the soap in Chinese to make these people happy. So yeah, no, they take their back again a long, extremely seriously.

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Yes. I mean, look, I certainly have a lot of things to say about America these days that aren't terribly flattering, but we don't quite do that. And that's not even the worst place to be an up-and-e business man. That would be in Russia, where they constantly are just pushing them out a window. I mean, you would think that with this kind of scrutiny on you and you already have a reputation

for someone who pushes a lot of people out of windows, at this moment you're involved in a war that you would just keep doing it. It's just, you kinda gotta admire if you're a gangster Putin on that level because he's just like, yeah, I will push you out of fucking window. And I don't really care who knows it. In fact, I kinda like it that everyone does know it. And I will bold face it, let's say, you know, I have asked for legislation in the

Duma to fix our problem with faulty windows. People, it must be the railings have to be adjusted. The floors are slippery by these windows. I am flooring our Congress to do so. And he will just make that speech and nobody checks them. Although we're kind of like, Chuck's the amazing the way that you follow that war in Ukraine. I don't follow a lot of current events

when it comes to world affairs and I'm a man. You're a very limited man, Sebastian. I don't have like a plethora of knowledge. Put it this way. You're rambling off movie lines. Sure. You're, you know, explorers. Explorers.

You know, the inner workings of Ukraine and Russia. I don't know. Nothing. Keep going. Leave. Well, you certainly know how to make people laugh. That's what I concentrate all my time. You're a, you're a fucking master craftsman

at it. You deserve all this you're getting. Well, because you're great at that. And you know what, not everybody has to be a renaissance man. It's so much better actually to be good at one, really great at one thing than to be sort of good at a whole bunch of other things. I mean, one thing, then to be sort of good at a whole bunch of other things. I mean, well, like a guy like you. You seem like you know a lot of stuff. What are you doing? Are you reading? Are you talking to people?

Like, where's the information coming from? A fairy flies by once a day and whispers in my ears. I mean, you just know things. I don't know what these things are. I know because what's going on a daily basis? You know what? I think it's just a little, a lot of it is just the brief, like decade and a half difference in our ages.

At some point, I guess, your generation is the last sane one, maybe. But they may be the first one that just, well, they kind of like just went afuck it with the education. I mean, now they just come to complete. I don't know what you think your kids are learning in school, but I'm almost sure it's nothing. I mean, they do still teach them how to read barely, but okay, they can do that, and maybe

math, no, not even math anymore, because they got calculators, and they can't tell you what eight times seven is. I mean, we had to learn a time table. Did you have to do that? Eight times seven, fifty-six, yeah. But I mean, first of all, it was just part of something they did in school. Like they didn't let you out the door of high school,

unless you had a sort of basic understanding of the world and our place in it and what happened before us and basic things. I mean, I didn't like math or biology, but I fucking sat through them because I had to. And we were afraid if we didn't do well, that there would be terrible repercussions like getting left back. You know, they didn't, nowadays they would never use that term, by the way.

Left back because it's way too... It's negative. Yes, it's way too. Oh my God, you're stigmatizing people and it's like, yes, good. I was worried about being stigmatized. Yeah. As a, oh, a word I can't say, but it begins with R. But if I said it, then the whole show would be canceled

or something. Yes, and that was good. It's not bad to be a little scared. I agree. Speaking of being canceled, are you at all worried about that for yourself? Like do you edit yourself when you're or is it? I mean, that's a of course a question I have to answer

honestly and say everybody edits themselves to some degree. I just did it because there was a word I wanted to use that we should be able to use, but you can't. So, and it's a shame because, you know, America, there's just no other word that really gets at how dumb America is and when people do dumb things. And by the way, in private, everybody uses it. Because it's almost indispensable with how stupid America is, that you can't not, you can just stop yourself from saying, oh my God, that is so blank.

But what was the question? The, how do I end up myself? Well, you seem to be on a show that's tackling some topics that are controversial. So I often wonder when I'm watching. Is this guy like, is he just free-flowing thought or is it holding back? Because I don't really see that you're holding back. I mean, I don't hold back. And then I have discards to prove it. But look, there are things that I, it's interesting the way the milieu has

so much to do with how something is received and what is allowed. I often have this joking sort of tease play with my boyfriend Seth McFarlane about this because he gets away with things because it's a fucking cartoon that just make me, I'm like, if I ever said that and he laughs at me, it gives me his right. That's how you put it in a cartoon character's mouth and people accept it. Well, in a similar way, like I can say things here that I would never say on real time, because real time is different. It's not, well, it is better. I mean, I said

it's all the time. I mean, that's my real job. This, this is fun and it's different and it's as real as it gets. But real time is no less real. It's just that that is a network television show. And I'm in a suit and a tie. And I'm talking to a senator or a governor or something like that. There is a little, and the audience is, you know, they're paid to pay cable, and I mean, there was a little more appropriate decorum or just, it's not pulling punches. It's just, you know, it's nuance, you know, something the world has forgotten about so much nuance.

But, yeah, so, if you call that editing, yes, but even with my editing, I'm a thousand times more honest than the next guy. Oh, yeah. I mean Howard Stern is honest also in his way. We unfortunately disagree about a lot of things now, like because not a lot, but like COVID, you know, he's very, very concerned about COVID. And I think the whole thing was ridiculously handled and completely overblown.

And the responsibility for it was misplaced. Blah, blah, blah. But that aside, you know, there's just not a lot of, yeah, there's just not a lot of people who will take on those issues that could get you canceled. And that's almost all I'm attracted to. It's all that seems to be worth kind of talking about.

I want to talk about this, you know, my criteria when we're choosing an editorial for the end of the show is, don't ever pitch me something that anyone else is already saying. Because it's been done. I don't want, I'm not interested in the obvious. And I'm much more rather take the blows into it my way. That's your boyfriend, Frank. And I don't even say it. Is that your theme zone?

You must love Frank. Oh, I love Frank. I do too. I love not sure what to say. Is that your theme zone? Yeah, you must love Frank. Oh, I love Frank. I do too. I love Frank. I love Elvis. Elvis was good too. Yeah. I mean, I just think the entertainment back then

was a little different in the sense that, I don't know, it was a little bit more original. And I felt like you had to really be good to be on TV and film. I just feel like right now it just seems like entertainment and real life are like all in one. Well, yeah, I mean, a lot of people have pointed out that Andy Warhol's famous dictum that everyone in the future will be famous for 15 minutes.

Kind of came true. Yeah. I mean, we're on a podcast, you do a podcast. There's four million other people doing it. Yeah, this is like, you know, we're doing it here. And then there's two guys in their garage and Cincinnati doing it too. I'm saying But it would be like if in you know the 70s there was Johnny Carson and Merve Griffin and formerly

Who were to like doing their version of the tonight? Yeah Now of course the numbers matter, you know, so I mean, but it is If you're saying it's more diffuse. Yes, I mean, but it is, if you're saying it's more diffuse, yes, I mean, things have been diluted in a big way because of reality television. And also, you know, some of it exposed people who were in show business and people thought they should be lionized and put on a pedestal and just showed, oh wow, that's not that different than the real housewives or something. And maybe that's more entertaining. And it just showed that acting, most of it, not that hard. On the highest level, I would say acting is some, yes, it's a great craft. But a lot of what you see in acting and television and sitcoms and so forth, it's not that different

than a reality show. Where they're just, you know, just go out there and here's the scene, you know, because we know they're not really reality shows. I mean, they have a script, not a script word for word, but just, you know, okay, you're mad at her because she flirted with your ex-husband and whatever goes on, I know, I've never seen one of those shows, but I assume that's what they're like. I doubt if they're talking about the Ukraine war.

Okay. I don't think so. I think, you know, Bethany, I think if like, if Putin can hold on to the Donetsk region, that, no, that's not what's happening there. But what is happening is that they're basically doing a little play which is what it said come is they just don't have the word for word right. I'm sure the producer says suggests I've seen this you know I know this is what happens, right? Yeah. And then they just act it, and it's not that different from people who got awards and

are officially actors, and I think people see that and they go, oh, okay, I've got to get a podcast. Now, what about your family on a reality show? I knew the edge of that. That's my speed. Can you imagine? No. Just imagine, what if it was the law that you had to put your family on a reality show?

You would reach a certain level of fame and success, and the Congress had to pass this law. What would it look like? I don't have, I'd have to, if I had a reality show, I'd be constantly telling the camera guy, shut the camera off, because I wouldn't wanna say what I was gonna say on TV.

I agree. To be a lot of that. So, you know, with Instagram and Facebook and what have you, you're kind of doing a little reality show with showing some little clips of your life. And you do that every once in a while. And maybe, show.

I don't do any of that. No, I wouldn't think you were showing what you're doing on a daily basis. What do you say that way? Just see you're not the type. Thank you. Exactly. You're reading.

I feel like it would, you know, I've had people, you know, say, you really need to like join the 21st century and Instagram. And I'm like, you know what, you know what the analogy to me is, Hugh Hefner, when he was in Chicago and when he was first in LA, he never left the house. The house, the party came to him then after his divorce from his Second wife

um, he went out all the time and you'd see him at like the Garden of Eden nightclub and you're like really? Hugh Halfeners here at the same fucking shithole tit suit nightclub, I'm at. And it was so uncool. And I feel the same way about me and Instagram. I feel like if I went on it, it would be like,

it's like when you see a celebrity on the subway. Yeah. And you're like, wow Ethan Hawke, I thought you were doing better than this. Well then. What the fuck are you doing on the subway? Man, do you need any help? And I feel like that's what it would be.

So I very appreciate you giving me that. You gave me a great affirmation there. Well, there's a mystique about it too. It's like the fact that we don't know what the hell you're making for breakfast. It's kind of interesting to me because it makes me wonder. Yeah, that's the same reason like Michael Jackson when he when he started to do thriller, he didn't want to do any interviews. He wanted to be elusive and he didn't want to, you know, give people any private information about his life or what he was doing. So, I'm running since we know he was fucking little boys.

No, but like, to not do any interviews or to not really show people the other side of you is a is a in-plus. I just couldn't see you doing it anyway. It look awkward. Right. And also, one of the reasons I started this podcast is if you wanna see what I'm doing when I'm just at home kicking it,

this couldn't be more it. So is this your vibe? What do you do socially? I mean, you know, you got no family, you got no, you, not just, I'm just,

I'm just, you never sounded more Italian than that. Look, you got no... I'm just... You never sounded more Italian than that. Look, you got no family. This girl has no family. It's like she never even existed. All that would be left is off friendship. I mean, are you a dinner guy? You go out and you've got buddies and you have friends. Like, what do you...

I got a great life, really. If you knew what I was doing, you got buddies, you know, friends, like what, what do you, I got a great life. Really, if you knew what I was doing, you'd fucking kill yourself. Okay, let, we're not going to get into details, but it's, you know, it's like you go out or do you just say, I went out Sunday night to the Elvis party at the Formosa. it was awesome. Thank you for the way. I signed their book. Yeah, I had an awesome time. I don't go out to everything or that appeal to me because it's Elvis, which is social. I'm not nearly as such as I used to.

I still don't go out drinking like I used to. I mean, drinking was used to be a pursuit. It was like, what do you want to do? That was the thing we're doing, is we're going out drinking, we'd go to different clubs and bars, and oh my god. I just, just thinking of it, I was like, what the fuck? But you know, that's life. You evolve and you look back and you constantly think, what a dick, what was they doing? But you could go back to, you know, 10 years old and say that. You know, I was thinking about baseball cards constantly. You know, I remember one here in my aunt Nunca, they wanted to give me a present in my birthdays in January. And I said, no, I want baseball cards. They don't come out until April.

So I forewent an actual present to wait and get baseball cards because that was all I cared about. Well, I've changed a lot since then, you know. And yeah, and it's just interesting to look back when you were well past childhood and still be disappointed in yourself. Do you feel that? You know, at 50 you can look back at 40 and go, Jesus, what a dick, why was I doing that? And it's still 40.

I mean, you were still a grown-ass man. Do you ever do that? No. No. No, I don't know. You were doing nothing wrong at 40? No, I don't think I was doing anything. No, fuck you.

No, no, no. Who needs people like you? Well, I was. But that's, I mean, you know what, that's fine. First, why don't believe you? I was never like a trouble getting a trouble man. But there's nothing you regret at 40. What was going on in your life, 10 years ago?

That's true. 10 years ago, I was just, I was doing comedy. That's all I was doing was comedy. And I was working on the before series, so tell me. 10 years ago, this year. I just said, what happened 10 years ago? You couldn't come up with that. It seems like a big one.

Well, I mean, I wasn't going, what the hell am I doing? What's going on with me? I was, but, if a guy asks you what you were doing 10 years ago and you're like, oh jeez, I think, well, I mean, I've got some clubs and I guess, oh yeah, and I got married.

A lot of people say that's like the most important thing my head was wrapped around. You don't say anything regret. So you got married 10 years. 10 years ago, I got married. Yeah. So you obviously think that was a good move. It was a great move.

Okay. We're gonna move the risotto, I'm married. Yeah. So you obviously think that was a good move. It was a great move. A great move. We're gonna move the risotto, brother's house, and then I'm gonna get married. A great move for me and my family. All right. No, and then five years ago, I had my first child, and then I had another one for you.

So you always wanted a wife and children? No, I was like you. I was like, I used to make fun of the, in my acting, used to go, oh, the kids and this and your kids so great, and I'd go to a restaurant, and the kids, I get this, like, they had the same attitude. I was not a big kid guy.

So you got married for the material. Well, over time, I'm like, you know what? You do get a lot of material, right? Oh yeah. No, there's a lot of material, right? So I don't have that kind of material. Well, I mean, you have other material. You have other experiences that you're drawing.

And to fucking life. And I know what's getting. I'm kidding. I know people love wives and children. I don't get it, but I know they do. A lot of people pretend they do. Do you know what they did a survey fairly recently? And most people, a majority, agreed with the line that the

poster asked which was, I love my kids, but if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't. They told a poster there. Well, listen, I'm just saying, how fucking desperate in your mind you have to be a total stranger on the phone and you're revealing this. Well, you've got to look at the pool. Who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's,

who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, stranger. Well, how do you look at who's answering the phones on these things? I've had, I know no one. I mean, someone's desperate enough to pick up the phone and talk to some stranger about their life. I don't know nobody like that. No, so the people I know, yeah, listen. Some people at the tip point will take it.

Yeah, so, still aren't happy and some people are happy. Let me, Councillor, let me rephrase. I've also heard anecdotally from people who've said the same thing, like just people I know, who've said that same sentence, that I love my kids, but if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't do it. Just because I think people raise kids wrong, I feel like I've heard you basically say the same thing. So, and in doing so, they not only ruin the kids' lives,

but their life. When they're two indulgent, the kids grow up undisciplined and basically thorough, uneducated, terrible attitude, sense of entitlement. So they ruin their child. And then they also ruin their life because they don't have any fun.

Because everything is about the kid, like, like, taxing them everywhere and doing everything with them and apologizing to little children for bullshit that you do, like you should ever be doing that. All this shit ruins their life. All the money goes to the kid, whatever the kid wants.

So you know, that's if you're doing it. Fucking that is not an easy task. That's if you're doing it that way, which is the wrong way. I know, but kids talk to other kids. It's hard to not be infected by it. You certainly must have found that out already with how old is the oldest? Five and a half gonna be six.

It's gonna get worse. Because listen, listen, there's gonna be challenges, but I got my kids making their bed in the morning, they're getting a little allowance. I'm trying to teach them about money. Good, well good. This is why I got anxiety. This is why I'm constantly thinking.

Why, because you're worried that you're gonna ruin your kids? No, I just wanna be present and I wanna do it right. And there's a lot of pressure with a lot of, like you're saying outside factors. I don't wanna give them a good funding. For example, when you're on the road and like and there's something your kid just has going on at home,

you wish you could be not on the road. But yeah, like what am I doing in Montana? You know? Sometimes that's what I think. Like should I be home giving them the proper guidance they need? I mean my wife's fantastic, but also I add another layer of parenting

to what we're trying to do. Well, we sent you to a Montana to take over the numbers business. Okay, now the risotto brothers have been running, and they've been running it badly. We're gonna bring in the Roadhouse boys just for a piece. Oh, I'm sorry. Sometimes, yes, that company...

You know, this, another thing. You know, movie lines. Like, what the... That No, listen, I think you know movie lines. Like, what the fuck? That wasn't a movie. I know, but even like, you did like the whole senator thing. I'm like, this guy knows the senator's speech from... From the father to? Well, that's like that normal.

I mean, like, a lot of people don't do that. I should know it better. I mean, if I really know it, it would be great. With the accent. Right. I mean, that's, that's, you know, well, I don't know, I don't know a lot of what. Well, that's, see, now there's a good example of something that you would never see on real time. It's just not that kind of show. But it is what you would see of me at home, which gets back to why I'm not an Instagram, because this is Instagram. This is your Instagram. Kids just chop it up into three seconds.

Clips. If that doesn't tax your attention span, because I mean, you know, we have, how about you must be worried. You want some anxiety with your kids. You must be worried about what the fucking phone, the portal to evil, and social media, and TikTok, and how that is rotting and has rotted the brain of our youth, and how are you gonna protect your kids from that? Well, I'm gonna, well, this is what we try and do things

outside the house, activities, what have you. Screen time is not something that we're always doing. But how old, when they get a phone? I want to do that, like, when they get a license. Right. But see, this is going to be very hard to hold the line. When that kid goes to school, and the other kids have phones, that's what I'm talking about. This is going to pitch you against the horror of where America is now with this kind of nonsense. My sister and I talk about this all the time.

If the parents got on board with one another, we wouldn't have a problem. So when Tommy's parents given the kid a phone at nine, you got to go Tommy's parent's going, what are you doing? You're screwing up the whole vibe here. If everybody kind of waited to a certain age, we wouldn't have to be competing with other families when it comes to these phones. And a lot of these parents, they don't care. It's just, give them the phone. I don't wanna be dealing with this kid

and the kind of phone raises them. And it's not really my style. It's not what I'm trying to achieve with my kids. So you're going to take care of this thing? I'm going to take care of it. We're going to have a meeting. That's what we talked about. You know, the thing about the guy?

Yeah. The guy who's gone, right? That guy. I love the way they talk and they're code, right? Did you ever know anybody who was connected? No, my father worked in the hair business, still does, he's a hairstylist, and my mother was a secretary.

We didn't really play around in the mob circles. I mean, we grew up in the Northwest suburbs of Arlington Heights in Chicago. There was really no. I was not casting this bird. I was not. I thought that was no. I know.

It's not like, you know, maybe you would think or someone would think, oh, you're Italian. Did you come across any, you know, heavy hitters grow up? Sometimes when you, the way you speak, you'll come to a sentence and it will just force me to talk like another mobster from any one of many mob movies. We haven't even gotten a good fella. Okay. But there's no encounters.

I know. I am not that person who thinks that all Italian Americans are in the Mafia. And they had good reason to be upset about that. I mean, that's part of the subplot of the making of the Godfather. Did you see that? Oh, it was, I think, a paramount offer. The offer, didn't you watch that? I was so fascinating.

I thought it was fantastic. Really, I have no reason to plug this fucking thing. It's on a competing network, but it really was. And I became a Miles Teller fan from that. Before that, he just kind of like always played boys, I thought. And then it's like, oh, there's a man there. And Hollywood needs more of those kind of sturdy actors. Like in the day it was like, you know, Spencer Tracy. You know, not some matinee idol-looking guy, just a pair of balls, hit your mark and bark, you know, and a sense of integrity about them. You think that's lacking?

Well, I mean, that's society, though. You know, I think it reflects the times, you know. No, that's interesting. Back then, the head people would balls and now the decision would be that way. And listen, I'm hoping it comes back and cyclical and maybe we'll see that time again, but I don't know. I mean, you know, you're a dying breed.

And meaning... Thoughtful? Yeah, I mean, old. Which one's the best one? Which one's the best one? I'm not sure. Well, I tell you, I may be dying, but until I am, I'm going to be living. Well, that's certainly living. Yeah. No. That's good to meet you. I was always curious about you.

Well, I appreciate it. I appreciate you having me on. My sister is a huge fan of yours and She was like, oh my god, you're doing a show She's she's decided herself so and she's connected. She's connected She's in the mom and The way you didn't get Second you just went completely with that. So do you have anything to plug? Well, I do a podcast by somebody to plug. Yeah. I am in Las Vegas at the David Gopper Field Theatre. Oh, shit, they got me doing magic now. All right, whatever it takes to say in show business, that's what the guy said when he was

shoveling the shit behind the element. Remember that old joke? What? I leave show business. Okay. February 17, 18th. Yeah, moving over to the MGM. That's very exciting. And Albuquerque, January 28th at the Kiva Auditorium. Oh, I've been there. You must have played the Kiva Auditorium in Albuquerque. No, I never played Albuquerque. Never played Albuquerque? I might have put a casino there, but not a... What do you got against Albuquerque? I got nothing against it. It's just there's not a lot of the times there. Oh, it's, it's not somebody else's territory.

Is it Sebastian? We wouldn't want to stay out of that. It's a territory, we know when it's start a war. No. It's bad blood. You need him every 10 years. Clean's out the bad blood. But, but what are your plugs?

What are my plugs? Just to peat in Sebastian Sebastian show it's a podcast. I do another comedian, Pete Corielli. Yes. And Daddy versus Doctor, I got a, you'll love this. My pediatrician and I hooked up. We're doing a podcast basically taking caller's questions in regards to their kids

and pediatrics and he provides like medical advice and I kind of provide the humor. But families are rough limits, right? Families are rough limits. Families are always rough limits. Families, kids, and wives. We don't touch them. Horses head, that's fine.

How about that scene? What a great scene. That house is actually down the street. Did you know that? Is that right? Yeah. Do's really shot that. Yeah. It looks familiar. I bet you they used it for a thousand things when they want that like super like baller. Yeah, it's a veneer. I want to go look at it. There was a fore sale. Not that I was going to buy it at all. I just was so curious about the house that we went to just to go take a walk around the ground. It's literally down.

Just really, if you go down this street, it's on your right hand side about a mile down. I left the way Tom Hagen never loses his temper in that scene. And the guy's ranting and raving. And thank you for a lovely evening. And I'll feel like you're caught taking me back to the airport. Mr. Coli on his men who insists on hearing bad news immediately. He never like fights back yet. the guy is renting and raving. And she was the greatest piece of s-up, man.

Just to show you, it's not all about dollars and cents. And then Johnny Fontaine comes along with his olive oil chav and made me look ridiculous. And I'm having my position, can't afford to look ridiculous. Now you get outta here. And you tell if any of those goombas come out of the woodwork.

That's the way I say goodbye to all my guests. This is unheard of, guys. Are you listening to this back there? This is amazing. Tell your Italian friends I'm available for parties. I can do all the mafia. I feel like we did a lot. I feel so circle from mob week to this. It's just oh, yes.

Mob week. You're right. You're right. You're right. Mob week that we met and the whole thing was about mob. I forgot. It must be the pot. Are you sure you don't want to try pot?

No, no. Okay. I think I got enough from from what you were doing. Yeah. Steven, I Smith was just telling me that he thinks when he was here, he got a contact high. And I don't really think this such a thing is a contact high, but you know what?

I'm so used to pot, it probably I need more. I know, I mean, not like a crazy man. I didn't even finish that giant Stogie. But do you sleep well? Yeah. Why, what'd you hear? No. No. Yeah. Basically, I mean, like, you know, as well as I did when I was 24, absolutely not. I mean, you have more things on your mind. It's hard to turn your mind off. You get up once in the night to pee once if you're lucky. I know people who do it more. But, you know, do you sleep on?

Can you turn off your mind or is it an analytical thing? That's it's on. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I mean, I have to get into bed like a couple hours before I'm asleep, like an hour of watching TV and an hour of probably just lying in bed before I fall asleep, you know, but I do it. God damn it. I do it.

Good for you. Because you have to get your sleep. Absolutely. So anyway, pleasure. Pleasure. Now that I know, you live right up the road. Give me a call. Come down here and you come up there.

I got kids, though. So maybe I come down here and you come up there. I got kids, so maybe I come down here. Yeah, maybe you can. Yeah, the kids are five and two. Three. Yeah, you come down here. Yeah. All right.