Club Random with Bill Maher - Shan Boodram | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Bill and intimacy expert Shan Boodram (Dr. Ruth meets Rihanna) in a wild, wide-ranging convo about relationship and bedroom preferences, Bill’s mom’s crush, what makes a man attractive to women, why Bill thinks he acts more like a woman when it comes to dating, the politics of open relationships, women in New York vs. women in L.A., and the concept of  “playoff defense.” 

I'm doing these. Oh, thank you. I made a very... Christ. I'm very grateful that you are affirming these because I was deciding between bear leg or boot. And it feels like boot was the choice for you. Wow.

But there's something about a boot that's a little more, I mean, most boots are not, like, fit over you like a skin. That is true. I mean, that's a different kind of boot. Yeah, these are stand-up boots. They're not walk-around boots. Right. Yeah, we're not going for a walk-around your property after this. That is true. And that's a different kind of boot. Yeah, these are stand-up boots.

They're not walk-around boots. Right. Yeah, we're not going for a walk-around to your property after this. This is as far as we're gonna go. But in the meantime, it's very nice. But I can certainly, I know you're background a little bit. I think I can say this to you.

But I'm also Canadian. And Canadians are very strict about shoes in the house. I just had William Schatner here. You know, can I, if we can just act as if that happened, it was the most phenomenal date I've ever seen in my life. Me and him? Yes. You were mirroring each other, your body language, you were affirming each other, you negged each other.

It was like such magic to watch. I thought to myself. Oh, thank you. If you were sexually attracted to him, would that not be your ideal long-term partner? That's a lot to bite off there, Shen. No, I mean, I can't even imagine William Schadener in that role in my life, but men can love each other for sure.

And it's funny the way, you know, he and I, it's interesting, you know, you circle someone for years, decades, sort of know them. You know, I always say in Hollywood people ask, they think you're, you know, friends with everybody in job business. I'm always like, well, there's friends in this friendly. Yes. A friend to someone who I purposely make plans with,

I have their phone number, I can confide in. And then there's friendly. We have been friendly and now we're friends. You sat on his lap out the gate. So that just had to do a very different message. Maybe the tone that you set, but it was just like a fairy. Well, I knew they wanted to get up.

So I'm trying to be, I'm always trying to be a good host, you know, I mean, I have many flaws, I can't accuse me of ever being like greater commitment or anything like that, but I think I'm a good friend and a good host. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. But I think he was so curious and you were curious in return. You learned from each other. You had disagreements, but they were civil. I feel like in the end, it was just a very beautiful date.

Because it's, you know, and we talked about age in there. And there is something about being older enough to like how confidence in so many things that you don't want you're young. Like, I'm just going to be honest with this person, I'm going to trust, it's not going to be offensive to them. In fact, they're actually going to be complemented. You called them beefy in the first few minutes. That's a bold move. Beefy is not... That's a neck. Well, I feel like when you're 90, it's good to be beefy.

I think so too. You know, you don't want to be a skeletal. He looked buttery to me. That's when I saw him and I mentioned that, that it's the lighting is very flattering in here. And I was like, he looks very buttery. What is buttery? You know, smooth kind of like, you know, gelato when you go

and you see them and they're scooping it. For 90? He looked, yeah. He looked scoopable. I just kind of was like sleeping so far. Yeah, he does look phenomenal. We got to go to Target to go. We got a man crash on him. I loved it.

And it was fascinating too to me because I, when you're a sexologist, when you study sex, you have to do something every few years called a SAR, which is sexual attitude reassessment. And it's three intensive days where essentially you watch various kinds of porn, flack of a better term. You watch all these different erotic materials so that your sensitivity is increased so that if you tell me that you like your dick stomped on with high heels and that's what you like to buy these boots, I don't. Well, if you did, I wouldn't have a verse reaction.

We'd be like, right. I'd be like, okay. I'd have a verse reaction. It's like, wow, that hurts my dick. Well, it depends on who's stomping and how they stomping. No, I don't think it depends on that at all. I think anytime you're getting your dick stomped on, it's bad. The people who I've seen had it stomped on before

look like they were enjoying it. And I think that there's a, if there's even distribution and they actually don't do with the point, it's more of like the pressure itself. So. I guard my dick like you love those boots. Okay. The dick is not getting stomped on.

I don't care how hot you are. Well, you can stop on these boots. That's a, I don't guard him that much. You are not stomping on my dick. But in that course that I just did, and I did it a couple months ago, we had a pup play that I watched and a section on aging insects. So it was

fastening to watch that because I was like, oh, I've just had references for these. Pupp play. Now, both of us were a little confused out of our depth there. Pupp play, why don't you hit me with what that's really all about? When you see it, it makes perfect sense. Because like play fighting insects? No. Never? I don't do anything kinky insects, and I don't miss it. You know, I don't want to choke you. I don't want to slap you.

I don't want to come on your face. Doesn't anybody just fuck anymore? Well, Pupp plays on the opposite end of the spectrum of everything you just suggested. Right. So I don't want to do that either. I don't want to dress up as a squid. I don't want to be a rabbit. You know, I just suggested. Right. So I don't want to do that either. I don't want to dress up as a squid. I don't want to be a rabbit.

I just want to fuck. Why is, if you're doing it right, I feel like you don't need all these bells and whistles. And also, they never change anything. I mean, matter how many wigs you put on, it's the same dude and the same woman. It's like the wig, you can't fool me with the wig. It'd be great, or if you're a pirate, or like tonight,

I'll be the hooker and you'll be Charlie Sheen. You know, whatever it is that you think you can pull off. It's like you're kidding yourself, I think. But maybe I'm limited. I don't think, I mean, there's something beautiful about just appreciating. I always say this about when't think, I mean, there's something beautiful about just appreciating, I would say this about when I met my now husband, I was looking for a fuck buddy

and I was auditioning dudes to see like, who did I feel had it? And there was something about him. Like in an actual office? More or less, I mean, it was my studio apartment at the time. Right. So it was my office technically. I like, man, I can't show you my bathroom.

Because everything. You look at their headshot. And you'd be like special skills. No legit, I'd just play Beyonce, wear sports broad, wore track pants, I'd have dudes come over, we'd make out, and I just kind of get a vibe usually. I wish I'd got that cast link all. It was a good time in my life. And what I liked about him and why he ended up becoming my fuck buddy is he was fingering me

and the look on his face when he was doing it was like, you know, it was like a painter. So an artist. I always say it's that you're painting or conducting a symphony that no one else will ever hear. And if it's good, it doesn't really sound like any other symphony that's ever been performed because it should be, I mean, the act should be an artistic expression

and like this should definitely be no planning. Like my friend Carol Leaffer, great comedian, she used to have this great bit about married sex. She said, it's kind of like a cha-cha. You know, I do this to you, then you do this to me, that I do this to you, then you do that. And that's what sex, I think, often devolves into after you've been with someone for a while. And that's what you want to avoid, I think, is, you know, and of course, that's where drugs come in. But that's why I agree with you.

You didn't mean that. No. It's clover cigarette. That's the correct term, right? It's a clover cigarette. Okay, that was new for me. But what I will affirm what you were saying in that, if you are authentic, it's different every time, right?

Because I'm responding to the mood my day. Right. And if you're actually into the person still. Yes. You know, unfortunately passion dies in most relationships. I mean, people have all these different methods. We're just talking about wigs and shit to like, you know, basically throw a lifesaver to this drowning part of the relationship, right? I mean, it's

drowning. It's dying. And like, oh, maybe if I throw it the wig or whatever the fuck you're gonna do, but it's very hard to arrest that, you know, evolution toward less, less, less spontaneity and less like spark that makes you have that great perform that symphony that's ever been done before and wind up doing the, you do this to me and I do this to you. Because I always say there's only so many fucks in the can. I don't know, it could be five, it could be 500,

it could be. You mean in a life span or? With any one person, there's only 500. You mean in a lifespan or? It up with any one person. There's only so many fucks in the can. And then, come on, I know there's one more in there. That's what you're doing. I don't know if anyone can beat that spread.

I know we have many ways of trying and I wish you luck. I think it's you having. I know you have a ways of trying and I wish you luck. I think it's so handy. I know you have a, what do you have? You're not a thrupal, but an open. Yes. Well, open is another way of saying, you know, we're not, yeah, I mean that's certainly one way to keep the interest higher.

I think, it definitely is out for me, but I think that when sex becomes more than just a way to get off and it becomes a place of freedom. Like this is a space where so domesticated, right? The way that we're sitting right now, the way that we're talking, you know, we're not, if you said to me, my back hurts, I couldn't just go over there and start rubbing your back, right? There's all these rules for how we're supposed to behave.

So you have this one place that you're... I just blew a shot in there. You, it wasn't, if that's how you blow somebody. That's why you never had a homosexual experience because that was no good. You're right. That, if it's the space that you can be free and authentic and make crazy sounds

and those desires that you've had that you've been repressing all day long, you can let it out with this person. If it comes to space for that, that's where the wigs and the puppy, the pup play and the howling make perfect sense. Okay. Have you ever howled before? Howled.

You mean like, oh, yes. Like the dog feel when the fire engine goes by? Yes. No, I don't feel like I've ever made that sound or know why I would. Well, you did well just now. Oh! I love it.

When dogs do that towards siren, I just think it's the most adorable thing. I've howled before when I was sad. So when I watched the pup play. Like that? Well, from the depths of my soul. I can't perform it right now, not an actor, but it would be like, you know,

like the deep howl, the animalistic howl. So when I watched the pup play, you know, erotic video, and they were howling together during sex, that was like, I get that. I get why somebody would be into that. Oh, they were both howling. Yes. Or you could just howl by yourself, but that was your preference.

But I think again, I can kind of... You have to take a lot of energy away from the parts that really feel good. You know, like, oh, but like, that's not really... How is that adding to like that, you know, what's going on in my balls? Are you silent? Are you silent? No, not silent. And it's interesting you bring that up because back to the issue of like when relationships start dying.

Can't do that place. No, you're going to hit the bottom of the ketchup bottle or the fringles can. That's what you're, you know, the one is that like when I'm turned on, I can't stop words coming out of my mouth. And when I'm not, I can't make them come out of my mouth. In other words, it's almost involuntary. Authentic, that's great. It can't get much more authentic than involuntary.

Yes. There are times when I wished I could have made words come out of my mouth because I thought, oh, this isn't good. I'm looking, it's not communicating. I think it's so great when you can communicate multiple ways. Am I decoding dirty talk? What happened? Dirty talk, is that what you're saying?

No, no, not dirty talk. I mean, real talk. Real talk, not like, oh baby, baby. You know, and you don't need to tell me, I have a big dick or whatever. Yeah, I don't need to hear it. I need an example, because if you don't howl, you make sounds, but you talk.

Talk, but again, if it's completely authentic and happening in the moment and inspired and that symphony, how could I tell you what it is now? I don't know. I'd have to be having sex with you to to approximate it. I can't. That wasn't my way of. I promise.

Maybe if we were talking right now, I promise I promise that was not what that was about. I'm just telling you, that's the truth. So I can't give you an example, but whatever it is, it's like what I'm actually feeling at the moment. Is that a genuine response? You really cannot remember what you say or what you sound like during sex at all.

Oh, I didn't say that exactly. I said, I can't do it. I'm not gonna do it now because it's like, yeah, I actually can't. You're right, I can't. I can't think of an example because it's happening in the moment. One thing I like about sex is that mostly I'm too analytical and everything is happening in my head.

And if I'm turned on and, you know, high on liquor, the legal drug that I do, then I'm sort of out of my head. And that's like a great relief for me. It's very hard to achieve that. But, you know, again, it's not, if it's planned or in any way known beforehand what's going to happen, then it's no good. And it's hard to maintain that. I mean, again, it's very easy to slide into, I do this to you and you do this to me. But everybody's trying to get to that place that you're at, which I'd like to be curious about when you got there, because to get to that place where you're being genuinely

authentic and you're expressing yourself and you're letting all your humanity out and receiving pleasure and giving pleasure, and you're so inflow that you don't know what the fuck happened afterwards. Right. That's where everyone's trying to get. Some people need to put on a wig to get there. Some people need to pretend there are puppy to get there, right? So that's what I mean, like sex positivity isn't like, oh, there's a certain good way of having sex. It's like getting to a place where you get to be in full authentic expression of yourself as a sexual

beat and you give space for others, that's it and you've achieved that. You just didn't need to. I did, I mean like, I'm, look, I'm not hip with sex at all because like the thing you're doing with open, I could never, it's like very hard to like, I mean, three sims, I always thought were like better for the ego than the dick. They reminded me, I'm listening to me, I mean, threesomes, I always thought were like better for the ego than the dick. They reminded me, listen to me, I'm remembering all my old comic buddies bits, but Paul Reiser used to have a bit where he talked about showering with someone, not with two people, just with one person. He was like, someone's not getting enough water. And I always felt with a threesome, someone's not getting enough dick, you know? And there's no way to sort of like get around that.

And I'm sure there are people, hip, or than me. But it's like, I don't want to, it's just too much work. It's just, and sex is so brilliantly designed as a one-on-one, that it's just so complicated and you know It's hard for one person not to get jealous of say you know All they have to do is see you like look into someone's eyes who you're fucking Which is you know if you're not gonna do that. What's the point of fucking? Although there are people who plenty of people who fuck without looking into each other's eyes

Well, anything you're not a married people plenty of people will fuck without looking into each other's eyes. Well, anything you're not in. They're cold married people. No, I'm kidding. Anything you're not in practice of doing is going to seem arduous and hard and like anything that you're not in flow of, right?

It takes thought process. So your idea of giving philatio is very different from what it's actually like. But if you were more in practice and more in flow, then it wouldn't feel like, what do I have to do next? Look at my knees, I have to do this. So if you're repeatedly having three sums or multiple partners, then of course, then you become't feel like, what do I have to do next? Look at my knees, I have to do this. So if you're repeatedly having three sums or multiple partners, then of course,

then you become a second-year. No, we're not. Oh, I tell you we're in an open relationship. Well, here's the thing. Our definition of open essentially is, we don't police each other's desire. I don't police his sexual needs. He isn't police mine.

And as a result of that, we have the option. We've been married for three years now. We have a kid pregnant again, so we haven't engaged in a while. But even at a certain point in our marriage when we were first getting together, we kept trying new sexual things. He said to me, like, hey, you know it's a long life.

We don't have to try to jam in every fetish, every toy, every tool. Well, wait, so open to me as a concept in a way of life that if I was propositioned by the right person, if I had an incredible date night, like a you do William Shattonair, I might be like, let's ask him if he's down. This feels fluid and natural. Speaking of jamming in. Okay. Don't even know I said jamming, but let's go. So you're pregnant? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So like, are you gonna have sex throughout the pregnancy? Yes.

Really? Yes. It's number two for me. So I've been doing this. So yeah, it's me. Yeah. Oh, I thought you, okay. I thought you said number two.

I thought you were doing it in the ass. Oh. Sometimes. Okay. So, and he likes it during pregnancy too? This actually was a place of contention because we talk about our relationship a lot together and we, I love that about my partner that we get to have that experience. So we were talking, when I was in a third trimester last pregnancy and I asked him, I was

like, hey, like, are you, like what's going on? You're not really initiating anymore. I'm like, is your sex drive low? Because I went through low sex drive and first try, I just totally get it. Like, is your sex drive low? Or is your drive to have sex with me low? And he's like, all my drive to have sex with you is low.

A sex drive is the same. And I'm like, keep a straight face because be inviting for this discussion. Is it honest party? It is a very honest partner that I have. I mean, and that's not to interrupt your story, but I guess I did. But that's such an interesting choice

to make in a partner. Like, I like honesty, but it can sting. It can definitely sting. But it feels great when you hear a really great compliment. If you're the right person, a strong person takes the honesty and it's going to be a better relationship. So that's good that you're the strong person who can do that. Yeah, because then I asked, I said,

well, what are you doing? And he said, I'm aspirated, I watch porn. And I said, oh, well, like, why didn't you tell me that? Like, why didn't you communicate that with me? And he's like, it's kind of a private thing that I do. And so that was a tough conversation to have. So it's an open relationship, but when he can't have sex with you, he masturbates.

This is a shitty open relationship. You know, this is actually, you know, it's a place of, I'll actually say this though too, because I'm pregnant again. And first trimester, I was so sick, I didn't want to have sex. And so I asked him, I was like, Jay, because on top of that, we have a baby. I was like, I beg you to get a fuck buddy,

because I don't even want the responsibility, or the thought of the responsibility of that. But this is where societal conditioning comes into place so much as well, where he's like, I can't do that while you're pregnant because I would feel away. I mean, the whole concept of fuck, buddy, I find a little gavy because not that it can't happen but sex engenders feelings.

It's like it's pretending that we can fuck without feelings, you know? And there are only some people who can do that. They're called men. No. And many men can't. Yes. I can't. Yes.

You know, it's in gender feelings. Yes. I mean, it's. So like a fuck buddy, it's like so easy. It's a funny the way, you know, women are always like, just go out like it's so like a fuck buddy. It's like so easy. It's a funny the way, you know women are always like Just go out like like it's so easy like a man That they women think that every other woman is a giant slut Who just like every other woman the world is just giving it up so easy and I just wanted to say to them

You're like none of you are easy. Yeah, none of you were easy Well, no people are easy in general, but I obviously you don't have experience being intimate with people with penises. So in your experience, and women are, right? But speaking of penises, I gotta ask you, say you can have sex while you're pregnant. Yes. So, I don't wanna be indelicate,

but like the babies in there grow up. Yes. And then this fucking dingus is like banging right up against where he's trying to get some sleep. You're being real generous to my man right now and he would love you for it. But I mean, certainly the little thing in there is kind of something. If there's some pricked dick cock, slung, schmuck, a peda, a pecker, a dipstick, a dingus, a samsin, a tool, something coming in.

He's got to like feel some vibration or like some, you know, it's like in an apartment when you can feel people running on the other side of the wall. I can tell they're cooking brisket. This kid is gonna know that the thing is trying to bang on the wall. Hey, keep it down in there, baby.

That's what it's like. It's like the neighbor, but it's a dick. This is exactly why he did not want to have sex with me in the third trimester. So you were voicing exactly what he pictured to me. And he also as well, because I'm so accustomed to the belly, so we would be getting, like, you know, kind of intimate in the shower. We're also not shower-sex people, but we'll get, like, it started in the shower. So we're getting to pop it in the belly, so I would, we would be getting like, you know, kind of intimate in the shower. We're also not shower sex people, but we'll get like, it started in the shower. So we're getting a poppin' in the shower, and then I would be like, oh, the baby moved,

and then that would take him out. But for me, it's effective life, it's a part of my body, but for him, it became exactly how you just described. But, no, there's no science to say that the baby's sleep is being disrupted or there's issues, we're gonna have a hearing problem on one year. Yeah. Well, it's just there's nothing like that. If anything, it's beneficial. No, I just think if in case there is cognitive something going on when the baby is in the woman, I guess there is some to some degree.

I mean, people fucking play Mozart like in front of the pregnant belly because they think the baby is going to, I don't know, be smarter or something. So there obviously is this idea that the baby has some mental powers going on in there. I'm just saying maybe it would, it could disturb it. It's a disturbing thought that, you know, a giant ramrod. Well, you're taking your adult brain and putting it on to this little tiny thing. Yeah, that's true. He doesn't know what it is. They don't know. They just know that there's some. There's feel good. Horn, go, happy.

Nobody in 3B. Keep it low. No, it was increasing. Mom's happy. That's what they know. Right. Yeah. So when you certainly don't look pregnant yet for a while. August, I got some time, yeah. August. When was your birthday? My birthday is January. Happy birthday.

Does that, do you believe in? I do not know. Oh, I don't need their grade. Great, yeah. It's a firm, actually, as I had a child, it became more of a dislike for me because people sort of tell you about your kid that you just met two seconds ago.

It's absolutely impossible, I find, to find anyone under 30 who does not believe in astrology. But I can't judge too much because when I was under 30, I did. Oh, did you? Well, I certainly did not believe it. I remember I met some people who were like very serious about it.

They do charts for a living. They did my official chart. It's not just about your son's son. We have to find out what all the planets were at the very moment you were born. I remember telling them it was exactly at 10.32 at night. They said, well, you're exactly on the cusp of Capricorn and Aquarius. Then of course, it's suggestibility, you know, it's like, oh, you know, have you ever wanted something

you couldn't have? Yes. Why, yes, I have. You know, it's like, or whatever you could fit it in, you know, this is, beware of problems this month. I do have problems. Yes, one, I don't know. I don't know.

I appreciate it because it gives people the language to describe intimate parts to themselves and we don't get that anywhere else. So I like being people who are into astrology because often they might have the language and the tools to say like specific things about themselves. But I think that there's better tools out there. And yeah, so as somebody who's a non-believer,

I had my chart read for the first time, which was the perfect non-believer experience I had. Because a person who read my chart was like, this isn't crazy, I've never even met somebody whose chart is so specific to their birthday, you were actually destined to be a sex educator, which I do feel I'm a myself. You were destined to be an intimacy educator,

your penis was in mercury, and your salad was on dressing, everything was working. And then I'm listening. I let my eyes scroll up to the top of the page and I was like, wrong birthday. And I was like, ah. Fuck. It's perfect.

It was perfect. Yeah, but not to knock it because I think it's great. So. So what is a sex educator? What do you do all day? Well, I'm a public facing sex educator. What happened? Public facing. Which means I'm a public facing sex educator. So, public facing, which means I'm like Martha Stewart for sex, right? So, I'd not, in somebody's,

there's a difference between a sex educator. It's a wonderful job. Do you remember Dr. Ruth? Of course. This is my literal bio, is that I'm Dr. Ruth Meatriana. Right. A hot young Dr. Ruth. Yeah. That's what a great bio to write for yourself. Thank you. Because there's always a need for a Dr. Ruth M. Triana. Right. A hot young Dr. Ruth. Yeah. That would a great bio to write for yourself. Thank you. Because there's always a need for a Dr. Ruth. Yes. There was also a Dr. Joyce Brothers. Do you know that?

Mm-hmm. Well, go go hurt. I know. Get out your magic light box. Okay. Not right now. I don't have any pockets, so that would be not possible. Okay.

But when you get home, Dr. Joyce Brothers. Joyce Brothers, because she was a little before Dr. Ruth, but she was this, again, they always have these people with, you know, they're like perfectly clinical. That's what makes them allow, allow them to say things about sex back, certainly back then was not what we were accustomed to see on TV. TV was very tame. Yeah. Before, I mean, you couldn't say ass.

I remember Johnny Carson and Big Man trying to like, we're gonna work around the word ass. You couldn't say fart. I said sucks like the airport sucks in 1983, and it was like a scandal. And then he was saying it two days later. I broke the barrier on the word sucks. Oh, wow.

Look at you, you trendsetter. Yeah, exactly. I know. What days later. I broke the barrier on the word song. Oh, wow. Look at you, Trent Seder. Yeah, exactly. I know. What a flex. Right in the flat. I said socks on TV. But it's true. That's how tame it was.

But you know, when you had a doctor, doctor, you know, doctor, joy, brothers, and you know, she could say, well, if the man's penis is in your mouth, it's like otherwise they'd like fucking lose their fucking face. Somebody sent that, but they could get away with it. men's penis is in your mouth. And it's like otherwise they'd like fucking lose their fucking face. Somebody sent that, but they could get away with it. And Dr. Joyce Brothers was a little before Dr. Ruth, but it was the same bit. She was a little more broad.

It wasn't just sex. She part of your like 11 PM bank TV. She was just on every show. Like talk shows need fucking bodies. And you got to fill seats. And you know, as I've known for 30 years now, booking shows, not everyone you want that week is available. You can't subpoena people to come on your show. You know, you don't get William Shatner all the time. They have to want to do it.

Yes. I'm glad you want to do it. No, I mean, this was one of those things where I was like, I had to let Google them, it was going down, like, how am I getting booked on this? Like, that's me having not enough self confidence. And it's fun to be here. It is incredible to be here. It's so different than my, I mean, I would never, ever, the longest I want me to leave my real show because that's to me that's the real show.

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germin with the heavy accent it was hysterical but dr. brothers was like very clinical and whenever big things was, you know within seven seconds, whether you want to have sex with someone, or, you know, and I was, that was even just to say that on TV, then, was pretty outrageous.

But, you know, I was used to think, it takes you seven. Seven? It's one. You guys talked about that a lot. Right. Yeah. But isn't just, I mean, I think it's different for women. Yeah. But as far as like, no, that, I want to fuck you

as different than I, I'm going to, like, you know, some of you see, so I'm gonna, oh, I'd like to fuck you, but I could see your a psycho and trouble and a million other things and, you know, discretion is the best. That takes the seventh. Better part of that. Exactly. But I could see, physically, I don't think it takes seven seconds.

Well, I think it means that it's an uptime to get. The woman it could take seven years. You need two instances of eye contact, right? And then maybe an opportunity to like take in something about that person's, be on, be it beyond their looks. So, their demeanor, or swag. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I always think the only way to have a good time is talk first, sex, second, eat, third.

Can never eat before sex. Okay, can't eat during sex. And you can never eat before sex. And you can never have sex without a good long talk first. Because, and like now that I'm this age, I'm sort of like become more like a woman. I like that too.

Do you identify with the term, say, psexual? No, because that, no, that, because that's someone who can only have sex with someone who is, you know, intellectual. Well, it's certainly, you feel like you had a William Shadner conversation with that you're like, I feel turned out here. No, But no, that's not necessary. But to actually have a long in-depth conversation with someone who may not have my life experiences or be quite my age,

you can still have, feel like you just have to get to a place where you feel like, oh, there is a mental connection going on. That's when the pants come off. Before that, it's just not how physically attractive a person is. On either side, I don't think it works. Do you think that took? The only way it works. That took time of testing out. Many physical attractive people. You're like, oh, I don't think it works. Do you think that's the only way it works? That took time of testing out.

Many physical, attractive people, you're like, oh, I couldn't talk to them. Of course, I didn't even, I didn't understand that even when I was 50, I don't think. Because you became famous in your 30s, did you go through your hoe phase late or did you go through it in your early 20s in college?

Everything late because I'm a cat record. I do everything late. Everything comes to me late. I was super shy and terrible just to talk to a girl was difficult when I was younger. You would never guess they would have gone into show business let alone be like sitting here with you just kicking it and you know so like I don't know just relax that certainly would not characterize me as a child or an adolescent I was ostracized by the other kids a lot I I always had a knot in my stomach going to school.

I couldn't make friends easily. Even though you were funny since 10? Yeah, but like funny, you have to like, you'd have to know me first kind of funny. You know, I mean, I had friends going up, but like maybe one or two at a time at most. I remember the first two years of college, I really didn't have friends. I had one guy who lived in a dorm.

He's still a friend of mine, but I didn't see him that much. He had dorm life. I'm not dorm, I'm sorry. Frat, I was in a dorm. And I wasn't a frat kind of guy. I mean, I would sometimes, you'd say, I would call him up. Can I come over on the weekend, you know, just to do something?

I used to dread the weekend because, at least during the week, I had a reason not to be popular. I was working on schoolwork during the weekend, you know, and this is college when you just have to be like having the best time. You're home-based. So, like, I made up for my bad adolescence.

It's ever, it's really. I mean, I always say, I made up for my bad adolescence. It's really, I mean, I always say, I went to Freaknik 93 and I stayed till 2007. 2007. And during that time, did you learn that sex without mental compatibility, some degree. It just not meaningful. I get it, it took forever. I mean, when it, there was many times,

when it, not many times, actually, a few times when it happened. When I was with someone who I should have been with and who I was in love with. And, you know, when it was a real relationship and then, yes, I did experience that. Well, this is why you don't get down with fuckbodies. See, I'm not like that.

I actually feel very, the opposite, that I, when I have a fuckbody, I mean, I'm very scientific about it, but a big thing is I don't want to have an intimate conversation with you. I don't want to get to know you aside from... Really? ...how can we have a pleasurable experience together? Wow. ...and I think what turns me on... Yeah, that is different for me. Yeah, I don't really turn it on through conversation. I love it. And I think what turns me on people. Yeah, that is different for me. Yeah, I don't not really turn down through conversation.

I love it. And I think that's a different type of intimacy that I really do enjoy. And I'm glad I'm with a romantic part who doesn't stifle that part of myself either. Because I love going off a dinner with dudes who I think are just super dope and super cool. I just want to talk and like get to know. But the dude that I might just want to have sex with is just the one who just says that nasty shit, that there's something about it just sparks this car in your spot.

Well, you can't much, I mean, the one leads into the other. I mean, having that, again, to have a woman feel intimate with her and her feelings really mentally, you know, like we just found out a lot about each other and, you know, we expressed some things that like, what's going on with you? I care about you at least this much, you know. Did you mean that? Yeah. I'm taking general to the version.

Okay, sorry. I don't want to misread things. Stop fantasizing about me. But to do that, then that is what, you know, makes the panties wet. Your panties. I mean, well, in theory, this is like what is your turn on trigger? That's the thing that would get you. No, I'm saying it makes a woman's pant.

I don't wear panties. Well, no, I'm not sure if you do or don't, but I'm saying what gets you turned on, you do not. No, but it also does turn me on and I mean her being turned on turns me on. Somebody poses question to me I want to ask you because we were talking about. What's more of a turn on than a pussy that's wet, because it's like, oh, you do like me.

But I guess in your position, it's gotta be more than that. This is proof. You know when basketball they say ball don't lie. Pussy don't lie. Like you could say you don't like me,. Close you don't lie. Like, you could say, you don't like me, but come on, I get feeling, but I mean, that's, you know, come on, you can't, nothing, you know,

that would turn me on. Like, you can't lie, you like. From a kind of college perspective, they could have an infection or a disease. An infection. Could be, I'm just saying there's various reasons why there could be excessive moisture. I'm just saying that that's one.

It's probably not that. Okay, it's probably not that. It's probably not an infection. Thanks for putting that in. Okay, well, I'm just saying that there's something only indicator that somebody is into. But it is a good one. So I want to ask you this because we were having a discussion just because you're in the podcast realm now.

So there is this sector of male podcasters who are voice are talking allowed, maybe for the first time, and men don't really talk about sex and relationships, but now they have these podcasts where they're doing so, and then as a result, they're saying a lot of unpopular things. So a lot of talk around body count. And body count. Body count. Body count. How many bodies women has had? How many sexual partners?

That's great that you don't know that. It's a huge thing. That's, wait, that's a word now, body count. Body count, yeah. And it means how many sexual partners you have? Yes. Meaning it's good or bad. It's a bad thing if you're a woman to have a high body count.

That's as it always has been. It always has been women were judged bad with a high count and men, oh, I got a bunch of them. That's, you know, Wiltschamberl in 20,000 and that, that, that, so nothing's different now. Okay, so you gave it a name, body count. That's sort of the problem though, that nothing is different,

that we have this sexual liberation movement happening for women and then many men just have- Because biology doesn't change. No, your brains can change. You know, plasticity. From the beginning of church. You could work on it. I'm sorry, not from the beginning of time.

Women's brains are not that different. They do not, like Tinder is not what they want. They do not want to just hook up mostly. Yes. They are, it happens to have been a, look at any fucking dating show or TV show that's about, it's still the same shit. They could have been on in the 50s.

It's all the same culture though. So we can't differentiate between, is that a socialization or is that? Women want a man. I want a man and they don't want other chicks like taking their man or looking at their man or their man leaving them. They want a man in it to be their fucking man.

Okay, so here's someone, I'm gonna ask you. Okay, that's most women. But that's most westernized women who have been raised by their mother and their grandmother and the great one though, to believe that this is what it is. That's not western, that's just, that's, but no, there are different cultures

where women are more sexual, where women are more dominant, women are more dominant where they. They women are not jealous and want one man and basically want to nest with one man and don't want other bitches like. Of course, there are other cultures. Where are these cultures? We know different religions where you're allowed to have multiple partners. That's how loud because the men run the religion and they made that a law. The women didn't want it. You think the women want to wear the burgers? Not though. It's the same one. You think the women want to wear pioneer outfits and be with all the other women who have to service the old fuck who's the head of the culture.

There's Yoni Puges where you've got cultures that worship the vagina. There's Yoni Puges. What's Yoni? I know that's a Hindu word. Yes, for vagina. Where's Yoni Pugis. What's Yoni, I know that's a Hindu word. Yes, for vagina. Where are these many people? In this in Eastern practice. Okay, and I would say it's a niche practice.

Okay, but what are the, here's the question I was posed that I would like to get asked you. Yeah. So somebody said to me, if there are a hundred men that you are physically attracted to, how many of those would you have sex with? And...

Great question. It's a great question. For a woman. Right. And then I have to really think about that because no matter what number you gave me, I pick one. I'm gonna do a bit for you. I always call it on myself when I do a bit,

but it's too apropos not to do. Okay. And here's a bit. I it's too apropos not to do. Okay. And here's a bit. I've never known a woman who didn't have some version of the story, where she met a guy, was introduced to a guy, tender, or whatever, social media. I thought, oh, he's cute. Doesn't look like a psycho. It was very hopeful.

Something would happen. And then they all have some version of, and then he opened his mouth, and I lost interest. Every woman has that story. And no man. But you do. What are you talking about? No, but it's the discussion that you do have that experience. Yes, but it didn't. It came late in life. Okay. And it's it came light in life. Okay. And it's also not quite the same.

Once you've programmed yourself from socialization and decided not what you're told to like, but what you actually like that gets you to that authentic bomb sex that causes you to black out and forget what you said. I mean, it can be, I mean, bomb sex, I think I'm going to put that on my license plate. Yeah, it has to be a version of what we're doing now or what I just did with William

Shatner. Can I ask you that question? A version of that. It is a connection that is going on between minds that then you can, that then can move to a different space if it's appropriate. Now it is with Bill, not with you. Is it because of the pregnant? You don't want to knock on...

Quite frankly, yes. Okay, all right, there enough. I don't want to be that guy. Hey, keep it down in there, baby. Is your sex drive low or is your drive to have sex with me low? It's neither But this is awkward Mrs. Robinson okay, sorry Point if there's a hundred yes a hundred men and women and as soon as my point of doing that bit was to two-year point as soon as

Yes a hundred men you find all attractive. Most women, like 92 of them would open their mouth and they'd be like, oh, fucking, I can't deal with this. My mother was the biggest fan of Robert Goulet. You don't know who he is, but he was this gorgeous French Canadian singer, big star, 60s, 70s. And then he started to go on talk shows. And she was like, I'm over rubber to like, because he opened his mouth, and I love him,

but he wasn't good on talk shows. Anyway, that's it, but men, no. You put a hundred hot women and they will find a way to get around the fact. But again, this is what I was and that's why I feel like it's so good to stay single your whole life at least in my life because I wouldn't have gotten to that point if I had gotten married when I was 35. I would have never evolved to that because I would have been arrested into that thing with, you know, there were a great compensating reasons why that might be good for someone, but I would never have gotten to this point, and I'm

really glad I did get to this point. Because I feel like much more of a complete person. I literally I feel like more like a woman. That's actually a beautiful place. That's a really beautiful statement to me. This girl is a woman now. Yeah. Do you think that your mom, if given the opportunity to have oral sex performed on her from Robert Goulet, and that was it, she thinks she would turn that down, even though he wasn't intellectually stimulating? That is such a great question. My father took her to see Robert Goulet.

It was one great guy, my father was knowing that she had like what we would call now a screen crush. At the Waldorf, I think, somewhere where he sang, it was an intimate setting. I mean, it was a crowd, but and she sat in the front row. And he was this matinee, I don't like Tom Jones, I used to throw the underwear at him. And he kissed her on the cheek. This is something he did in the act, whoever, whatever ladies.

That's a big deal. She got picked. Well, she was pulling out. Well, she was in the front row. He kissed the ladies in the front row on the cheek. It was just a thing. And we never let her live it down. And you know, she'd, you know, dying down on that for years. And, but then I do remember that when she was like, he became a bigger star and was like on the talk show circuit. And I knew him in

later years. I purposely befriended him. So that, and, I mean, I was a fan too, but like so that my mother could meet him. And I remember I, for 75th birthday, I think it was, I flew her to Las Vegas before I could really afford it on a private jet. And we went to Robert Goulet's house. Wow. Yeah. And then? Well, you know, like, this is why you shouldn't meet your idols. I think, I mean, he's a lovely, he was a lovely guy, but I think he still wanted to be adored by not the women my mother's age. You know, he didn't want, in his mind, he was still Robert Goulet. Viva Las Vegas. So, you know, it was like, okay, I get it.

That the women who have aged with me love me in that way. But I want the 26 year old over there. Was he given her that feeling when she was there? I just think he, he, he, no, it wasn't like aimed at her. Oh, but it was just like, yeah, there was some part of that that was... He wasn't given her kiss in the cheek energy. That's nice. No, he was very nice.

He was a great guy, but he just, you know, it's hard to be like a matinee idol and then be like, now you're just an older guy who women are not like falling over. He didn't want, like an older woman fawned over. I mean, he wanted them, he wanted it to be a 26 year old again. He didn't want the older ladies coming up to him. Like, I love you. I was like, yeah, you have a daughter. You know, so it wasn't, you know,

not that my mother was, you know, like she was married. He was married. Her wife is such a wonderful woman. I still keep in touch when I can. But that's why it's dangerous sometimes to meet your idols because they can disappoint you and not be that you can meet them

and they can surpass your expectation. So this goes to the point then because your mom said previously that he wasn't in flex just in laying enough, but she still went to this house looking for kiss on the cheek energy. You're right. Well, to be honest, I was going to put it, she wouldn't have asked me. I set it up. She wouldn't have asked me. I set it up. You may have a point though. I mean, I don't know because I can't see in my mother's mind. But I mean, yes, I think when a woman has that warm feeling in her lines, the moistness, the women have lines, I hope so. Yes, I think it never goes away to a certain degree and I mean she was a widow at this point

You know, so it wasn't like she was gay mine Bring on Gula if ever I would leave you that was his big song He was in the show Camelot. I knew Viva Las Vegas. That's one of the songs That's Elvis. Okay. well, I do know that. But he was, you know, the show Camelot? Have you heard of it? I've heard of it. Okay, they called the Kennedy administration Camelot because it was a show on at the same

time and it was about this sort of mythical, magical kingdom. And people who loved Kennedy use that as a metaphor. But really, it's the king author. And Camelot is a story. They made a movie of it with Richard Geer and Sean Connery called First Night. And I'm sure you know the characters like king author, he's the fucking king, but in the play, in the musical that Robert Goulet was in, you know, he's older now. He's the king. To the point about Robert Goulet's age.

So, and the plot of the thing is that his wife, his younger wife, Gwynneby, or Follson love with the handsome younger Sir Lancelot. Whenever he passed her, his front of his pants would advance a lot. That's a... It's not a real jerk, but I guess you Good not resist. It's a limerick. Somebody made that rhyme and they deserved credit. The front of his pants would advance a lot. Come on, that's pretty bucket good. Anyway, so that's the plot of the thing.

Is that older man, wife, and then she falls in love with his good friend, but much younger. And Robert Goulet made his mark on Broadway in 1960 playing And then she falls in love with his good friend, but much younger. And Robert Goulet made his mark on Broadway in 1960 playing the young Lancelot. And then later in life, he toured as the king. Because now he was older. You see what I'm saying? So he was still getting young, pussy? He's talking about. But he didn't want to play the king.

Oh, he wanted to play Lancelot. Lancelot. See, whereas in my life, it's the exact opposite. I was never suited to be Lancelot. I'm perfect as the king. I've never was a boyfriend. Partly because of what we were talking about. You know, just understanding things

that I didn't understand when I was younger. Are you having your best sex ever now? Let's, Mom, I can't get too personal. What do you mean? That's a pretty, that's a pretty basic question. Within the past 10 years. 10 years, yeah. Here, let's go through the timeline.

20s was a time of... Pression. Not being cool enough to be invited anywhere. We didn't finish the story on the weekends You had one friend of you'd go to just to have somewhere to be and then it got better Well when you turned oh well anytime after that anytime having no friends I mean my first two years of college no no for real friends except for that one guy, but I didn't see him a lot, and certainly no girls.

I mean, I'm talking about O for Lade, I think the first two years, because like, first of all, I was a furious masturbator, you know, I would rather masturbate and plot how to get women, then, you know, I would rather masturbate and plot how to get women, then, you know, lower my standards. And I certainly lived up to that credo and masturbated a lot and plotted a lot.

And you know, that was kind of my MO, but no, I mean, it was, then I moved to New York to start my career in comedy. That was almost just as bad, because New York, you know how you vibe with certain cities? Yes, yes. You do. I do know how this goes in this early today. Like what cities do you vibe?

This city, LA. Really? Yes. I love here, I love it. And I don't like New York. I always, I moved, I lived in New York twice. I grew up right outside of it. I don't like New York. I always I moved I lived in New York twice I grew up right outside of it everything in my life as a child was the New York orbit my father worked in the city drove into Manhattan every day

New York television. I still root for the New York sports teams New York is always going to be in my blood and there's a lot of love I have for it and many of the people there But as soon as I moved out here, L.I. like sucked my dick on the first date. I like that. And you like that apparently. This is a good thing. Medaphorically.

It had a great conversation with you. And then it sucked your dick. Then you were like, I will live here. No, that was way before I cared about a conversation. Okay. But it did. I mean, you just vibed with certain cities. I didn't vibed with New York, especially with the women. I always said they played playoff basketball,

you know, playoff defense. Like you go into the lane and they are gonna slap that shit out of there. I mean, there are no layups with New York women. At least when I lived there, twice. Once when I was younger and poorer, not doing that well, once when I was in my 30s and was starting politically incorrect and was doing much better, it was horrible both times.

I mean, New York women, I just found to be like, I moved out here and though, like the women, you know, they just didn't give you a hard time. I mean, you don't be easy, but just women in New York, I don't know, like they were just like, maybe it was just, it's the, again, it's the, whether you vibe, I know guys who love New York, but you had to be like more aggressive, I think.

There's a certain cycle that goes on in New York that the guys are so aggressive, like on the street, that the women have to like shut down just to survive, because the guys are like, hey, how you doing? Hey, hey, give me a smile. Hey, where you going? Hey, I'm just, what do you mean I'm blocking this? Hey, just, hey, what, oh, you got a boyfriend? Hey, where you going? Hey, I'm just, what do you mean I'm blocking this head? Hey, just, hey, what, are you got a boyfriend?

Why, you can't have any friends? I'm just being a friend, you know, like, they're just, and I can't do that. That's just- It was very good, just now. You brought it out in me. But you know what, I'm sure guys have done that to you. Yes, I know New York is a great place to go for an ego boost.

Doesn't matter how you look or how you feel, you're gonna get that energy. But maybe then as a result of that, it caused the adverse effect in women. It's beautiful African-American women, woman I knew once told me, she said, you know, white guys, they approach me, they're like, you know,

and I don't want to do it with them. And I say, I have a boyfriend and they go away. Black guys, they go, well well you can't have any friends. It's back. And I always wished I could be that guy. You know who had that and I'm not and I can't. So, Near. So you're best suited to be the king. I'm the king. You were best suited to be the king. I was not good it's less or less. That's Robert Gelae. I'm the king. Yeah, and happy to be. Okay, so then let me ask two questions quickly then.

Because you were a fierce masterbader, I'm trying to make a link. Does that mean now do you enjoy hand jobs or because you perfected it on your own? It's very difficult for somebody to come in and do a great job with you. Be. I think it's always interesting to ask. It's very difficult for somebody to come in and do a great job with you. B. I think it's always interesting to ask. And then question number two I have then is then when did your sex life start and then when did it start to get as good as it is now? Funny, I remember the first time I felt like with sex. Oh, I got it.

You know, just like anything else. Sex is a 10,000 hour thing. Maybe it's not 10,000 hours, but it does certainly isn't come naturally. I'm sure it's 10,000 hours, that's not accurate. Well, it's not, you know, I don't think it took me 10,000 hours. In fact, I know it didn't, but like.

You were a fierce masturbator, that counts too. Those are hours you put in. But that's not sex. You don't think so? No, of course, well, it's, well, I I mean it's a variety of sex but you know I, no I wouldn't, I'd put it broadly it's more like actual sex than dancing with the stars but I mean it's not, you know it's not sex. I mean there's two fairly different things.

Now can they feed each other? Absolutely. Can they, you know, and or hinder each other? I mean, one of the things you have to do as you get older is like, don't masturbate. Near any time you're having sex because you want to store up more cheese. You know what I'm saying? As when you're younger younger you masturbate before to get off so that you don't come too quickly with your Rimeer. Yeah, exactly You understand everything doctor

It's so great to talk to you. You understand that you understand me. Thank you Well, I'm sure I was going somewhere with that story, but I can't remember where it was Well, no, you work. I would actually, you said the first time that you felt like you got sex. Right, I was 24, 24. Oh, you peaked. Real early. Peaked.

Well, 24 to first get. I feel like I first got sex. I had sex when I was 16. But I feel like the first, and so now we're talking about eight years later, is the first time I felt like, oh, now I know how to do it. That's what I'm talking about. What was different? You know, I can't, I don't know if I could put it into words.

It's just like, like I was saying, with anything else that's a skill, partly a skill and partly accumulating experience and doing it enough times that's complicated. You just feel like a part of it is like learning how to hold back, you know, so you don't come too soon, right? And things like that, I don't know, I just felt like that night. I felt the first time I felt like, oh, okay, now I'm driving the boat here. Now I can dominate, not in a bad way, dominate.

Just as me, Tarzan Eugene, that's the basic nature of it. I mean, look, anybody can have any kind of permutation. And they do, but that's the basic default setting I have found. That's what they want. They don't want some fucking pussy passing out weak shit. And that's what you actually attract partners who want, and in the power play dynamic, you would attract people who would want the king. But isn't it? So there are, if you had a different demeanor, you would attract the opposite. Yeah. You're probably right. I'm sure you're right because you're the man. Wait, I'm the man. You're the doctor. All right. I'm going to take a bite of you. Okay. Well, let me ask

you a question. I'm going to get to ask a hundred attractive women in front of you. Oh, right. How many do you have sex with? I would have to talk to all of them. And then I bet I'm like the woman, like I said, I've become more like a woman. It would be a very few number. It could be none. Because if you're, if I don't,

if I don't want to also have lunch with you, you know, that's the, that's the acid test. Would I have lunch with this person? That is certainly something I never cared about or asked myself when I was 30. You know, it was never entered my mind. Would I actually want to have lunch with this person if I didn't want to fuck them?

Lunch. Oh, they'll be gone by breakfast. What are we worrying about lunch? That was wonderful. Thank you. I have a joy. That's a joy. I love babies. Do you? No.

I've never touched a baby. The story you told about your mom is exactly why I had kids, because I want them to take me to my Robert Goulets house one day.