Club Random with Bill Maher - Video: Mayim Bialik | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

Bill and Mayim Bialik on being a child star, how Jeopardy tries to confuse you, the odd longevity statistic that no one knows, why people hover their arms in a photo now, the devastating plot of the Little Mermaid, the joy of disagreeing and still getting along, Bill wanting to babysit Mayim’s kids, why movies are too long, and dissecting why relationships end. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's what an artist has to do. You have to have the guts to kill your children. I've killed many with this movie, so yes. Right. I didn't know that's where this conversation would go, but you had it. That's the whole reason I'm having you here. I want to be kind of a godfather to your kids.

That's the way you're. You were unpolitically incorrect, right? I was. Do you remember that sign behind you? Yes. I mean, it looks very much of the era that it was when we filmed it. You mean the font?

Is that a 90s one? Yeah, exactly. It looks at screens, maybe. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that the kids who are watching are like, you know, yeah, that's a million years ago. It's funny because 90s, I was old enough where that was sort of like, you know, 60s is my 90s.

Yeah. Like that's like, oh, real different. Might have been early 2000s, but it was still true. No, no, it was in 90s. I mean, that one. No, but I'm saying like, I graduated high school in 93. I think I was on with you when I was a grownup. So maybe it was a different sign.

That was the year that started. Is that right? Yeah. Oh, look at that. Well, you were on blossom. I was on blossom. Yeah, correct. Yeah, till 95 or so.

And life is a child star. It's weird. I bet it is. I can't even imagine. I mean, there's different ways that people are child stars. Some of them start when they're three. That was not my story. So I was very startled by it.

I started acting when I was 11. Oh. I was like, I was like, a wise old 11 year old. Well, I mean, you are wise. Is that your, that's your, I mean, correct. Yeah. I wasn't. Well, you, I mean, you're like known as like the, like I always think when they cover

Jeopardy, like they cover it, like it is the summit between hero, Hito and Napoleon. Yeah. People make you know all that stuff? No. That's actually not my job. I have to pronounce it. Like, but there was, there was an interest in it that goes so far beyond obviously the people who watch it. Because the only people who watch it are people

who know things, which is like a category of knowledge, knowing things. It's very, very special knowledge. That is shrinking. It didn't used to be. No, really. I feel like when I was a kid, there was something called common knowledge, which extended not just to,

you know, don't let roaches breed in the paper bags. But like, you know, basically how many people were on earth, you know, the seven continents, how a bill becomes a law, knowing things, which I feel like is so out of style now. It's very out of style. But, you know, also, you know, I've been surprised by you. But not on your show. No, but I've been surprised at the number and the type of people that do seem to enjoy Jeopardy.

I get a lot of, I watch it with my grandmother. Sure, of course. And my grandparents wouldn't have watched Jeopardy. That wasn't their jam, you know. I love when people tell me that they watch it with a family member. No, jam, you know. I love when people tell me that they watch it with a family member. No, really, my shot. I feel like, wow, they're not that,

you know, solving world problems. But the idea of people having a communal show, like when I was a kid, we all did. I mean, we all had to, because there was not that many channels. There's also not much to do in the world. No, there was only. Like at night, you would watch TV. the world. No, there was only like at night you would watch TV. Well, of course, there was no internet. That's what I mean. Certainly

didn't want to talk to you. No, so you would watch a show and everybody would go to bed. But honestly, I also feel like there was great love and communion that happened within the family because you were communally enjoying something. You've just feel it, you don't have to say it. You're watching in Sullivan, Alan King comes on. Right. The parents like him, and me as a young kid looking to be a comedian, were like,

okay, he's a little corny. But no, Alan King was hip. You know, he kind of had an old Borscht belt way, but he was a hip guy. My grandparents watched Lawrence Welk. Yeah, which they pronounced velk. Right. Lawrence that.

Okay. Yeah, but I feel like when somebody says to me, you know, like you said, I watch it with my mother or, you know, it's my father's favorite show or whatever my kid, I sometimes get, you know, my son is, you know, 16 and he loves you. I'm like, okay, so he's not a typical 16, right? You know, just like your show. It's like, oh, this dwindling, dwindling is set of people in the country who know things. Right.

Like there is still stuff for them. Correct. Jeopardy is for people who still want to know things. That's either their new ad campaign. Even if you don't know the answers, of course, you don't know all the answers. Well, I guess you do. I just have them in front of me. Right, but you would do well or do you?

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. First of all, answering things like that under pressure and with a timer, it's not going to happen for me. I was on celebrity, jeopardy. It's hard. I remember it. Now, this is, oh my God, I'm thinking back to like, I should have been more mature, but I don't know, I was like 40. And I remember, I just wore a more mature. But I was like 40. And I remember I just wore a shirt that the network didn't like. What was it?

It was like I probably came right from the club. It was like a club shirt. What's a Bill Mark club shirt like? In 1997. Okay, I can imagine. Oh God, don't ask. I mean, I think I- Did they make you like put a blazer on?

No, but I just remember, it's funny the things it's sticking to my mind, right? Like I remember very little about the show except that I remember thinking, what, I'm doing it and I know the answer and I can't win. That's it, so that's it. Yeah, and also I have- What is that?

Well, I mean, there's like a, there's a rhythm, you know, that winners, you know, get into and there's a rhythm that winners get into. And there's a huge psychological component of being psyched out. And if you get something wrong, it can feel really debilitating. I would cry, I think. But the knowledge that I have is,

it's not necessarily jeopardy knowledge. There are categories, like obviously I'm trained in science. So I can feel pretty confident about the science categories. I am a crossword puzzle person There's crossword categories. I have a minor in Hebrew and Jewish studies So like anything in that realm, but it's a different kind of knowledge like 18th century British poets. Yeah, I don't know there were definitely I could do a little bit of I remember a a little bit of my, I mean, I was an English major.

Okay, so maybe you would do well with those. Yeah, I mean, could you confuse me if it was Shelley or Byron? Well, that's exactly the point. You're going to get confused on jeopardy by things like that. Like, who? Oh, no, that's not the question. You already see that's already a problem. You will not be writing the questions.

The phrase, the desire of the morph of the star was written by, I write show off, was written by this romantic, there you go. 19th century, that's who when you were, it doesn't fit on the screen. Who is it? Who is Shelley? Who is Shelley? There you go. Who is Shelley?

Let's see. What I've known in my years is that your mind, when you're sleeping or something, it moves the furniture. And so you can be so sure that you remember something accurately. Sure. And then it's like, no, it's Byron. I would have bet the house at wishelly, but it's Byron. Yeah, so that's, yeah. And again, the vast majority of people out there are like,

who are these two fucking assholes you're talking about? And that's what I'm saying. The people who know things. That's right. Well, and Karen to still share them. We send them a shout out of love to them because first of all, I feel maybe this is just instinct, but to keep the world running and not dying,

I feel like this sect of people who know things, not just technically, but like wisdom wise, it's gonna be helpful. I get, I try to avoid the news for the most part because I'm not a fan of how it comes at me and often what happens when I read it, but. I do have, you know, a team of people in my life and we, we have a news updates channel on our messaging. And so, you know, I hate to say it, but a lot of times they'll say like oh there was a shooting or like I've been you know

Because then I know don't post something don't like don't be like hey, here's me very well with my you know cat So the other day two pieces of news came at me in one message Biden is running again and Harry Belafonte died. Yeah, and at first I was like are these two things related? The answer is no. No. Well, first of all, here's a really interesting stat. If, yes, the average age now, I like the media, whatever they call that, women are usually a little, a little longer than men.

Yes. Right. So the average age for women is like 79 or or something. A man is 76 or something. Right. But here's the key one. If you make it past 40, the average age to you live to is 86. Where are we? Hold on. Because what they're factoring in is people who die in child but you know, you get kicked by a horse, which is six. It happens. Yeah, it happens. It used to happen a lot.

Oh, so say that again. If you live as poor, if you get to four, then your average age to diet is 86. Isn't that a big difference? And that's changed your view of life. Aren't you glad you came here to Club random? Glad I came. It's indeed random, but you know, statistics are important and the way they're presented tells a very different story.

It just makes you think, I mean, I don't know. I think Biden is just going to be average at the end of his next term. I wouldn't even think about Biden. I was thinking about me. Okay. Because we made it past four people. Well, fuck Biden, right. No, this is, this is what what I was when he was first elected.

People I had a couple people that I knew said, I've got the inside tip. She's going to take over in a month. Yeah, right. I was like, oh, maybe that'll happen. It didn't happen. And it's running again. Not only did it happen, but he doesn't sniff ladies listen to those calls. He doesn't sniff ladies hair anymore.

He doesn't molest small children. He doesn't stop. He doesn't do that head bump thing that weird fucking conehead thing where I don't know what he was doing. But he used to be a very touching feeling. I'm quite convinced there was nothing nefarious in it. He's just that guy.

You know, everybody should take a tip from, you've seen the Kiana Reeves pictures? No, he won't. He won't touch a woman in a picture. Who? Kiana Reeves, he hover, his arm is always hovering. You haven't seen this. I don't blame him.

This is a thing you have to work out. And then me too, Eric. I, you know, I go. Every picture of him, he's hovering. You know where my hands are? I take pictures like this, mine are about so you can see I go. Every picture of him, he's hovering. You know where my hands are? I take pictures like this, minor a button, so you can see my hands. Forget hover.

This is a thing and so much, you know, whatever. You see the things that people post. It's a thing and there was a collection of photos where you could see that his hand, you know, from the front, it would look like a lovely picture with you and Keanu Reeves, you know, that he's posing with this one, he's posing with that one. And the hand is a safe distance away.

Well, I mean, you know, sometimes people do that for their relationship and their life. Like, I think Tom Hanks never, you never see him sucking face, right? No matter, think of every role he's done, it's never interesting. That's really interesting. Some girl, like cupping his balls in a seat. No. I mean, I watched Splash recently. I think there's some kissing in that. That may be before he was married.

That was a long time ago. You're right. I'm dating myself. You were. Well, I remember the movie quite well, yes. But you must have been a kid but you must have been a kid. I saw that movie so many times. I loved that movie.

But it was not when it was out in the theater. I saw it in the theater. I mean, I was born in 75. I don't remember what your splash came out. I believe I'm going to say 82 or 4. Yeah, I probably saw it in the theater. Yeah, I guess you could have. Yeah, and then it was like one that we would rent

And I showed it to my kids recently and I thought boy that doesn't really hold up and this Does it? What do your kids think of a movie like that? Or Tom Hanks never Chris you know Camera So was he what was funny? No, I think

I think You know, it was funny because it's kind of like when I first saw the little mermaid. I didn't see the little mermaid when it first came out. Right. So I finally watched it as a grown-up and I thought to myself, well, that's interesting. She gives up her life for a dude that she doesn't even know. The mermaid does. Yeah, and then she can't even walk when she gets on the land.

What's the plot? It's devastating. What's the plot? She's got this beautiful voice. She meets this guy. Wait, she's a mermaid. She's a mermaid, sorry. How does she meet the guy?

She thinks he's on a boat. I don't know, I don't remember. Really? So she has this unbelievable voice. It doesn't have to get in the water. She can't get out of the water, right? She looks, is she speaking, I don't know. Wait, this is a problem.

This is really not the important part of the story. No, anyways, because this, it has to be the important part because my guess is that every romantic story needs an obstacle. I'm yes. Okay. Wait. The obstacle is she needs to live underwater and he can't live underwater. Am I wrong? You're a hundred percent right. But the solution is if she gives up her voice, feminist, her voice. No, she's this she's this beautiful thing. is if she gives up her voice, feminist, her voice. No, she's, she's this beautiful singing voice. If she gives up her voice, she can live on the land with him, but PS, Hans Christian Anderson, she can't walk.

So she's crippled, mute, and they fall in love. She does it. She goes, she can't speak in the fall in love. Right, so at the end, she's living on land. Right, so if you look at splash, you realize, oh, she can't speak. So wait, she's this mermaid who comes to life. Okay, I'm interested in the end of this movie. Like, do we see her on land living that you go like?

I think so, I don't remember very well, but yeah. Like, they're in a two-bedroom. But in the original story, it is like walking on glass. So they're looking like for a building with good ramps and like very... No, and the animated version. It's really up to code. I'm just saying it both because... No, in the animated version, I think everything's great

and they live happily ever after because that's what we want. But in the original story, she gives up her voice. She lives on the land and like, look, I can love him, but also it feels like glass when you walk. But if they remade it, it would be... If they sold it the way we sell movies now, I think it could do very well because she's a person with a disability.

She's a person with disability, she's a woman with no voice. We got a lot of groups, might like this narrative of like, how do we empower her? We're checking a lot of boxes here. Let's do that. You and me are re-doing the little vermin.

Here's how Holly would work. Let's check the boxes first. That's re-doing the Little Mermaid. Here's how Holly would work. Let's check the boxes first. Then we'll do a script. But the box is first. Poor Little Mermaid. So, Little Mermaid. So she's okay, living in this two bedroom and van, eyes, it's a building with lots of

stuff. It's very up to code on all the 1990 disability acts. She can't even walk this. She can't even walk this. She can't even walk this. She can't even walk this. She can't even walk this. very up to code on all the 1990 disability act. Right. And then she works where? Because I wouldn't do a sequel. Now that she's on land, that's the movie. She's mute. Okay, so what?

Even better, because again, disability. So she's mute and she's, they got a thing for her, right? She's got a wheelchair, but it's a little like a shopping cart to keep the fan up. I don't know. Right, because you got the fan up there. Poor little mermaids. So she's in the shopping cart wheelchair, and she can't talk.

So she needs something. She needs a purpose. You know, she's got to like go to work every day. They're on land. It's got to, what? I don't know. I don't know. And then a complication or a romantic complication.

It's not complicated enough. She meets the guy from shape of order, because he's a fish. Talk about full circle. And they run away. I like that. Now it's kind of sweet. I'm telling you, I straighten out everyone's career.

And you fixed it all. I'm telling you, you could do this. So your kids love this, won't we? No, I mean, when we watched Splash, they were a little bit surprised because it, yeah, for today's sensibility, you know, a mute woman. I often have compared myself to the mermaid and Splash because like, I'm not good at doing everyday things. Oh, okay. And I don't understand when I'm really seeing the tabloids,

like these big celebrities coming out of Target or Ralph or something, I'm like, don't give people happen to assist in I do. The last place I ever want to be is a fucking store. And so I'm not. So sometimes I'm in a store or something and then there's some new way to pay or something, and that feel like they're mermaided and split.

Yeah, I want to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show me, I don't get it. That's me. Basically every time I do try and go out into the world. So what other movies do you show your kids? Like, what are they? What are they for the club?

What a, I'm very curious. How old are the kids? 14 and 17. Oh, wow. So they're older. Yeah, they're older. I mean, I'm very curious. How old are the kids? 14 and 17. Oh, wow. So they're older. Yeah, they're older. I mean, we did, you know, we did the Star Wars experience. That's right.

But like what for our era would they find still cool? Mm-hmm. Not much. I'm guessing not terms of endearing. No, no, haven't done that yet. What about footloos? No, you know what? Mom, I can't.

No, you know what? Give me them. No, you know what? I showed them. Here's a strange view. You don't want to talk about this. Right, man, mom. Show them life is beautiful. A birth of an eni. Yeah.

And yeah, I showed them that. And they actually, they, it's hard to say like they liked it. But also it led to a lot of interesting conversations about what can you joke about, what can you not joke about. Was he right to pretend that the Holocaust was a game for his child? These were interesting questions. We just watched Kong on Earth, which they love. They have a very specific sense of humor, my kids.

They like satire. We like a lot of stand-up is what we usually watch. The three of us. What about a Holocaust film festival? Like where you could show that? And Shindler's what? We haven't seen Shindler's list yet. Not, and what about the piano?

I was gonna say next is the piano. You haven't seen that? I've seen it. They haven't? They haven't seen it yet. I think they're ready. And who would know better? A total stranger.

No kids. Who just found out you have. No, I think they are ready. Look, I grew up, my grandparents are immigrants from Eastern Europe. I think they're ready. You know, it's like, so I've seen a lot of Holocaust movies, not gonna lie.

Right. And yeah, I think they might be ready for the piano. I mean, it's a great movie. It's Adrian Brody. He's fantastic. Not the piano. What? Oh, the piano. What did I say? Isn't it the piano?

What is it? It's the pianist. Is it the pianist? The piano is the other one. There is one, the piano. That's, I feel like we should both know because it was Anna. What is? I'm gonna

stop guessing. Who is it was a woman? Who is who is the and my right was Anna Pac-win in there. Oh no no yes. Yes. Good because I was thinking of something else. The penis. I think I don't know. Okay. The pianist is a great movie. That is true. There's a lot of other things about Roman philosophy. Yes, absolutely. I've often... That's a polarizing figure. Hey, club random fans, people in the comments

have been asking why we don't have merch. Yes, we read them. I don't, but we have a guy for that. But bottom line, we have merch now. Last week, I begged Joe Biden not to be Ruth Bader Biden, and so we are kicking off with a don't be Ruth Bader Biden t-shirt, and there's cool new Club Random Merch on there too. T-shirts and hoodies and bar wear, there's even a Club Random herb grind here in rolling papers. Check it all out at clubrandom.com.

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for my last live dates of the year over there Friday, November 3rd, and Saturday, November 4th. I will be at the David Copperfield Theater at the MGM Grand in Vegas, my new home. I mean, are you a tough parent or you a lax parent or you? No, I'm pretty, I think most people would consider me strict. I mean, like an appropriate amount of bounty. I'm pretty, I'm pretty old fashioned with that.

Kids are fucking out of control. Kids are a little bit out of control. Just feral. But I think entitled. Yeah, well, look, I mean, I, I, I, I, monsters. This is why people are upset about the abortion ruling because no one wants to have a kid. And not really. I truly believe that. Sorry. It's also why.

It's very funny. It's also why anal is popular. I truly believe that. To answer your point, what I think is important and the reason that I was happy to come and talk to you, you know, was that what I'd like to teach my children is they don't have to agree with every single thing that someone says, and that also doesn't mean that that person is bad, wrong, should be canceled, should never be spoken about or too. And...

Preach sister. It's so, it's real, but it's really hard. It is, it's really hard. It's really hard. I'm tough on parents and kids these days, but I also completely understand how hard it is to be up there. First of all, because you're not doing it in a vacuum,

that's the problem. If you somehow, and especially with the phone, where everything gets into them, and then whatever they're socializing in school with other people, and what those parents are doing, so you're always fighting all of society. Well, my kids were homeschooled up until now. My older one just started going to school.

Oh, really? Yeah. And I'm not saying that's why we homeschooled, but a lot of people who homeschooled, and we're not religious homeschoolers, although those exist, part of the reason that at least I felt comfortable in a homeschool environment was I knew a, I, it was small groups, typically. And I knew a I it was small groups

typically and I knew a lot more about the people that my kids were talking to and interacting with then you know I think a lot and a lot of people don't care a lot of people are like I'll put them with 40 kids and God bless you that's fine but for me you know I call it like a positive sense of control because you can't control everything you can but. But I really, I did enjoy knowing specifically what they were learning, how it was being taught. And, you know, I think also my kids have lived through a very interesting time where, you know, the Trump of it all, and I don't need to talk about Trump specifically, but it did bring up a lot of really important topics that I could talk about

with my children in terms of, you know, how we, how and when we decide to make judgments about people, how we organize our entire thought systems around what a group of people say or do you know that that's true? And they also have a sense of levity about them because this culture is poking fun at everything and everyone. And so there's memes and there's gifts. The thing you said, which I loved, that your little list of things that you were teaching them among them in there was this idea of you could be wrong.

Yeah. Everybody who you don't agree with right away isn't necessarily wrong or bad. Correct. That kind of stuff, that's what I'm always preaching. My question is, why is that a heavy lift today with kids? Why do kids come, why it seems like the default setting on them

is judgmental and I know everything. And especially with generational stuff, like, oh, you people have think that humans are mailing feedback when we're obviously it's a jump. Well, look, I think the thing that I've noticed, and I don't know that there's one answer to that, or obviously it's a jump. Well, look, I think the thing that I've noticed, and I don't know that there's one answer to that, but I was raised in a very different time where I had a lot of ideas that my father

in particular, bless his memory, would often shoot down. And he was very smart. He was learned, he was worldly, and he was pretty old school, you know, he was born during World War II. And he was, you know, he was an anti-Vietnam activist and he and my mom marched on Washington, they made anti-war documentaries, you know. They were advocating for a lot of the things

that people are still advocating for in terms of our involvement with other countries and the atrocities that occur in other countries often due to involvement that we sometimes have, I'm trying to be vague, but my older son recently said to me and we were talking about something, he said, well, I don't agree with you, but you seem to like to intellectually humiliate me, so I'm not going to talk about it with you. And I remember being so taken aback, first of all, I was glad he said it, because I said, okay, now we can talk about this. But I said, do you feel that I don't allow you to have space for your own opinions?

And he said, yeah, he said a lot of times I feel like you have a very specific perspective and you can pull rank. And you should. Right. Exactly. It's the point. Kids, kids of any age can have an opinion in my opinion. Right. But they then also need to be told, but your opinion doesn't count as much because you

don't know as much. Well, I think that. You could possibly know as much. And there's a reason my opinion counts more. It's just because I'm bigger or because you can hold out of my vagina. I think that's what I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is.

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What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. What I think that is. internet, but when you have, when you have, when you have even adults, I don't even think it's about kids when you have people. It's true. When you have people who want to believe that what they Googled is true, the information is so instantaneous, you don't have to do any research, you don't have to think about it. I think it does. It comes with a sense of entitlement and arrogance that I do. I find problematic. And, you know, I see it a lot also, you know, as a scientist, the things that

people think and believe that they Google about any number of scientific concepts is astounding. You know, it's astounding. I go the 100% yeah, no, yeah, okay. Oh, I don't. Yeah, no, I mean, the right doesn't really, I mean, they're finally, I think, coming around to okay, global warming is man, man made it, you know, and maybe we should do something about it. Right. The left was crazy wrong a lot about a lot of COVID stuff. And I mean, not just me who's been banging them around, but other people who are more mainstream

have said things like it was just so wrapped up in the identity of being a liberal to be a COVID paranoid. And you know, in the years to come, they're going to have to answer for a lot because we're just going to find out, we are finding it more and more, how fucked up we were just the mental point is what we're finding. 100%. Like, these shootings that we had, you know, where the guy goes to somebody's door and you know, my ball rolled into your yard,

and I shoot you and your turn around in my driveway. Now it's anecdotal. But I think this, no, we are a gun-laden country and we're a crazy country. But it also has, I think, something to do with that lockdown and people forgot how to relate to each other and people went nuts. Yeah, just, I mean, look, there are certain people who really like the isolation.

There are certain people who learn to like it in different ways. Then you can have yours, just don't stop me. Correct. Well, crazy. And what we did to kids, I mean, you didn't have to worry because they were homeschooled to begin with, right?

It's kind of interesting. I mean, they did have classes and eventually, there was this conversation of, you know, we had some teachers in our homeschool community who said, I will not teach with a mask over my face. So we'll do a Zoom. So you say, oh, you're not doing it. Well, I'm the working parent, I'm divorced.

They're dad does some of their classes and then there are little homeschool centers where there's five, 10 kids in a class. So now that they're older, you know. But just kind of an alternative school. Yeah, well, except there's like five or ten kids in a class. Yeah, but I mean, that's not exact. That's somewhere between homeschooling, which I think is just your home and mommy's the teacher.

That's actually usually not what homeschooling is. Really? Yeah, and like, and when you think of sort of like the Christian model of homeschooling, when you think about, you know, there's a lot of Christian homeschoolers, there's kind of that, that home, homehouse, you know, kind of model. But, you know, the things that happened when you, and when my kids were little, that was what their life was like.

But also, it was a lot of time at the park, it was a lot of time on field trips. But yeah, now that they're in junior high and high school, it's smaller groups, but yeah, without a lot of the other things that school's doing. Well, if you need me to drop by, I can tell you. No, I can go to the bill. I can tell you.

I can tell. I'm sure these kids look good to me, so I'd be happy to look. I know these kids need a father figure, and I would fit the bill perfectly. I didn't know that's where this conversation would go, but they have it. That's the whole reason I'm having you here. I want to be kind of a godfather in New York. That does. Nope. That sounds wrong. And I've got a whole new list of movie tricks.

I'm going to watch. Okay. Midnight Cowboy. Right? I know. What about that one? I haven't seen it yet. I was rated. Never something like that. No, I haven't seen it with them. It was rated X at the time. That's right.

That would probably intrigue them. And although it's probably so tame. I'm trying to, like I'm trying to remember now. I mean, what kids see on their phone? Are you kidding? I mean, they were probably 10, like, it's Dustin Hoffman. Yeah.

I mean, I just directed him in a movie that they did see. You did? What? I wrote a movie and I cast Dustin Hoffman and Candice Bergen in it and I just directed. So that they would love to see anything with Dustin Hoffman because they got to meet Dustin. What's your movie about? My movie was called As They Made Us.

It's available on Showtime and other places people get movies. It's out. It is out. I gotta say this. Yeah, I wrote it. It was about a complicated family. He and Candace play the parents in Simon Helberg from Big Bang Theory and Diana A. Grant play

The Siblings. And I wrote a movie about what happens in a complicated family when siblings have different reactions to how to deal with alcoholism and complexity. It's amazing. It's a heartbreaker. You know, grab a tissue. Okay, I like that. It's amazing how good actors get, not that does enough, and wasn't good when he was young, but when they're old. Oh, it's because they just get... He's a master, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was, you know, I mean, I mean, I never thought that Dustin Hoffman would read my script and want to meet with me, but he did.

And, um... How was he at work with? He was unbelievable. He would show up every morning to set, say, hide of the crew, see what we were doing that day, and we were a small film. This was a small film. And he wanted to know a lot about my family, you know, because while it wasn't autobiographical, it certainly was a lot about my experience and other people who grew up like I did. He wanted to know everything.

He just wanted me to keep talking. And it was like a masterclass. Like it was a masterclass, not just in acting, but... And did he take direction well? Oh, he wanted to be directed, and I... Okay. And that was also intimidating, this is my first time directing. No, that's what I'm saying, a guy like him that we wanted.

He wanted to talk about it. That's great. And it was really, I mean, you know, he talked a little bit about, you know, what it's like to be his age and playing the older guy, the old man. I know what it's, I was just gonna say, I guess it's tough to be that, when you've been the leading man. Totally.

And now you're, you know, now you're playing. I mean look, him and Candace, they grew up together in real life, but seeing them together was really, I mean, it really, it felt like we were watching a master class and grew up together in real life, but seeing them together was really, I mean, it really, it felt like we were watching a masterclass. We grew up together in real life. Yeah, their families were friends.

Really? Yes. Because they certainly were stars around the same time, I mean, I'm thinking about 1970, this was right after the graduate. She was in carnal knowledge directed by Mike Nichols and Art Garfunkel. Well, seeing the two of them together and getting to direct them to you, it was, and she, her performance is,

it's very, it's very, I mean, she is incredible. Right. And it was a very difficult character that she played. A lot of, I mean, look, these are, I wrote very complex characters and it's a lot of, it was heavy, it was really heavy, but anyway. It's like a Jewish long day journey into night,

which I love, by the way, from this journey into night. You ever seen that? I don't think I have. Try to sit your kids down in front of that one, they'll kill you. It's like four hours and it's very heavy. It's a very long day.

It's a seven samurai if I'm gonna have them sit down for a long period of time. Yeah, I mean, I was saying before about the dwindling little cadre of people who know things, the people who can sit through long-aged journey and tonight, they've left me back with the dummies on that one. I mean, and I think I saw it once. Right. The idea of like sitting through something for four hours, like a heavy, serious play. Well, look, I'm not that good. I made a small movie that I had to shave down to, you know, 90 minutes.

It's that I think it clocked in at like 87 or something. That's what a movie should be. Movie should be 90 minutes. Well, you know, you'll watch it and you'll tell me. No, but I think all movies are too long these days. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? So, what's you got a lot to say?

Yeah, but you know, that's what an artist has to do. You have to have the guts to kill your children. I've killed many with this movie, so yes. Right. But that's what I feel like filmmakers today. Oh, you mean you feel that there's a, it's too long. Got it. It's gratuitous. It's just, you mean you feel that there's a it's too long. Got it. You mean it's it's

it's gratuitous. It's just you're not everything you thought up to put in this movie is ingenious. It's does it's not married it to be to a guy's bond movie was like two hours and forty minutes. It's James Bond. Okay. He f**ks three hot chicks. He saves the world. And there's a great song at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. This six action sequences And there's a great song at the end. Yeah, exactly. There's six action sequences. And there's a couple of quips. Thank you, Mr. Hartporsche. I saw all of those in the theater.

That was like my education as a kid. And looking back, I'm like, my mom thought that was cool. All right, my dad took us to James Bond movies. It made me the woman I am today. I remember lobbying my mother to go see a Von Moby. I must have been about 11 or 12. I don't know how I'd shoot up to take, I don't think she would let me walk alone to the,

maybe they let us walk alone back there. Oh, I was alone a lot. But now you would be arrested. Like you would literally. I literally told go out of the house, come back for dinner. That's exactly exactly. I was raised like that And I once crashed my bike that was sad. Yeah, but otherwise

Yeah, I grew up Molo's Fairfax. I grew up right here in LA Wow, right now bike a lot of hours and the shadow of canters. Yes Did you all farther east that you eat at canters a lot? We would go to canters usually Sunday morning for rolls. For rolls. My dad would get the New York Times. And my father would sit with a container of cream cheese on a cup of coffee, and he would spoon the cream cheese

into the coffee and eat it. For those of us listening in Nebraska, how would we describe cancer? We're talking about, there is a Jewish district in LA. Well, the highest concentration of Holocaust survivors in the world, you still, that was the epicenter. Is that right?

Now, cancer is not a kosher deli, but it is a beloved deli. Now, a kosher deli would be just meat products. It's an experience. The waitresses do not like you and they don't pretend to. I don't know what it is. I haven't been there in a while. I always loved it. The baker is unbelievable. It is open. There's a kibbit's room. I would be there like back when I was like wearing that shirt at a club. And then we go, of course, clubs close yeah you go to the kids room and you go and it was one of the

few places that was open yeah I would go there late there'd be like you know weirdos and hookers and cops you know plus it's huge also it was a huge restaurant something about it just you scream Judaism yeah well you know it was it know, it was, it was a deli. Right. And it was a deli. And it felt a lot like you were not like young and cute. No, no, they were, they were, they want to be there. They were, they didn't want to serve you at Middance. They were older and, and crabby. Yeah. And everything.

It was, they would bring all the dishes at once, throw them on the table and walk away. See what would happen. Oh, man. Look at us reminiscing about cancer. Well, I could still go to canters. Yes, you could. I'm going to take your kids, so I'm going to make it my business. So this is a date night with Uncle Bill.

Exactly. And make it my business that these kids know what's up in this world. From a male point of view. So you're divorced, huh? Yeah, but they have a dad. They do. They do. You still like him? Yeah, I actually do still like him. Oh, wow. I do. No, what? We were married. We were we were friends for a year and a half. We were racquetball partners. We met in calculus class and we dated for five years and we were together for 10 and um you know, I think if you see my movie, you might think, I could see why her first marriage

didn't work out. Oh, I don't know about that really. There's a lot of complexity. I'd say I did a lot of maturation, I think we both did a lot of maturation post divorce and we parent nicely together. We parent like, but also like, okay, you had five years,

you said dating 10 years married. Right, I don't think that's the reason why I'm so happy that I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married.

I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married.

I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. I'm not married. It's never, not never, but it's very often not the people, the people are fine. Right. And the relationship is fine, you can tell because it worked at the beginning. I can't wait to hear what you're going to say.

It's just, no, human to not meant, especially in this era, to just, you just burn it out. The person that you pick at, I was 27 when I got married, and I'm pretty sure that most people who got married, and my mom was 18 and they stayed married forever But I don't know if they should have but yeah the person you pick at 27 or 20 I Don't know if that's the person you want to be with at 40 I Mean I you're right. I don't think it's I mean it can be part that too that people do grow and change

Are people not allowed to grow and change? No, they are. But it's not that it's together. Some of the grow and change, but that's not it either. You think just humans are not supposed to be monogamous like that? It's just. It's just. Or who knows? There was this, there's a book that came out about,

I don't know, a year ago, and I read the, it was a little big thing for a minute. It was called, I think, on the divine TD of marriage. I think it's called like forever land on the, something think, on the divine TD-M of marriage. I think it's called, like, Forever Land, on the divine, on the divine. And- The thesis was? I don't know about the thesis.

I read the excerpt. I didn't read the book, but- It's the excerpt, we're going on. But wait, it was like 20 pages of, or maybe 10, but it was like a very long screen just about how much she hated her husband and how he was gross and flemmy and made a wretch. And he was a pussy and he was complaining

and he was just this pompous, sexless piece of shit. And I kept thinking, where's the divine part? I get the tedium part. I'm hearing that loud and clear paragraph after paragraph. And then there's like one paragraph. And at moments like that, I remember what a handsome professor he is. It's like, okay, great.

So like every six months, you get a flash of what used to be good. And that's an extreme, maybe. For sure. But I don't know, I'm gonna go ahead and say this. I don't go ahead. And I don't know how many of my friends might listen to this. So if you're listening to this

and you can assume I'm not talking about you, I don't see a lot of relationships where I'm like, that's a healthy union. These are two people who respect it. This is a woman who respects him as a man. This is a man, sorry, I have gay friends also, but you know what I'm saying?

But there's not, let's take away the gender. Or the sex or whatever we're calling it. I do not often see couples where I think these people are mutually connected for a reason that seems significant and they show each other mutual respect. I don't see it a lot. I don't.

Or a like, you know, I met, I wouldn't say who, but I'm very famous person. Okay, don't say that. Well, I'll let go. And like last week. And I mean, he's a upper-age bracket and he and his wife, they have a real,

she has a real girlfriend vibe of that. I said to my friend, I said she's so cool, she has a girlfriend vibe, not a wife, not a wife vibe. That's what you have to try to keep. Interesting. And I have seen that. I have seen people who have, yeah. I'm not that I'm saying that women are the only part of the problem, but there's a set

of needs. And I think a spot look as a person who gave birth to children, there's a lot of psychological, physiological and emotional changes that occur that often make us have a different set of needs depending on the time it's over. When is it over, Bill? When I say, it sounds like you really don't want it. No, I'm ready. Oh, no, sorry.

My kids often say, are you being sarcastic? No, I really want to hear what you can say. Like, when you're out, you're not, I mean, we're not having sex. We're just out. You and I are not having sex. No, no, I'm saying you're not having sex. We're just out. You and I are not having sex. No, no, I'm not saying you're this couple. Correct, they're out.

They're out. They're not having sex at this moment. They're out. Yeah. So, you know, you're at dinner or you're having drinks with somebody. Yes. But there is, even though it's not sexual

in what you're per se, there is physical communication going on. Like, you don't have to be all over the person, but you're kind of touching and you can't, yes, and you know, it's kind of like there's just some a little electricity that's still going on. And it's almost kind of sexy that you're in a place where you can't do it. Yes. Well, that's that teenage feeling. And you know, then when you have like the two separate chairs to watch TV, like on an all in the family, and there's no, you know, what would be this big wish in life

that Archie would just touch me. You don't even fuck me, Archie. Just show me some, you know, just, you know what I mean? And I think like what, no, the thing, when that stops, the relationship doesn't end the next day. The problem is, then you're into that period where it's just going in the wrong direction in that way. But you don't want it to end because you still love the person.

And you have a lot of other things about it that are good. Well, and if you have kids, it becomes very complicated. And kids, of course. It's not good. But if that dies, it's very... You're right. And I think that's... I do sometimes see that in couples that I know who have stayed married.

But I think that for those of us who do stayed married, but I think that for those of us, who do get divorced, there's a new opportunity to see what it's like to find that and be able to maintain it. And how do you maintain it? There are ways that- You'd be old joke, wired divorces, so expensive. What? They're worth it. No, really.

Things run their course. You ran it's course. It's no tragedy. He's no. And then you're right. Oh, is it a Louis K K person? I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about. He has an amazing, with you I can.

But who knows? But he has it that when he announced that he was getting divorced and his special and everybody said, ah, he said, don't make that sound. He said, this is a good thing. It is. Like, when people get divorced, it's because a lot of bad things were happening. Exactly. By the time the divorce happened, it's a...

It's a brochha. Sometimes it's a brochha. And you know, it's just very hard to fight burning it out and just it's like something that and it torches you because you look at that person and you go, I should be all over you. It's just we've just done it too many times in a row and you're there every day. You know really. And so it's like something that's numb.

Look, we are primates. You know, we're primates. And there is a novelty component to relationship. Look, I look at my parents and they basically, they were practically siblings. You know, when you get married at 18 and 20, it's like they grew together. They happened to grow in a similar way. They happened to have all these strange quirks about them that kept them sustained. And they were crazy about each other.

And when my father was, he was in a wheelchair at the end of his life. And my mother said when he is wheeled into a room, my heart skips a bee. And like that's, and honestly, many times in my life, I was like, are you sure you're still being married? This was a complicated relationship, but they did, they had that spark. I mean, he was still writing her poems. I inherited his library when he died,

and every fifth book, it's inscribed to her. And that's very sweet. The thing is in life, that does exist. That's what keeps the other 99% of Porsche Mox miserably trying to attain that because everyone out of a hundred people. Imagine being their child and having to get divorced. And I'm like, oh, man.

And I was like, come from a traditional, like in Jews, we don't do that. I know, yeah. So it was like, oh, they did that. And I didn't, but you know what? There was some grieving involved for me, but I feel like I've come out on the other end of it. Someone once described marriage as a brother,

sisterly relationship with occasional bouts of incest. I've heard this before. I've heard this before. It's so often true. I mean, and then there's sex freaks like your parents who would stop No, no, I don't. I don't. I don't. You never think about it. I don't. We don't have to right now. Why start now? You know, why start now? Well, listen, this was so much fun. I'm so glad I got to know you. I'm very glad. I hope it's not the last time. I hope it's not the last time. I mean, of course I was so much fun. I'm so glad I got to know you. I'm very glad I...

It's not the last time I've... I mean, of course I'll see the kids. It's a good... But I want to see you too. Yeah, and you know, we... I would... I'm going to officially say, I would love to have you come talk to us on our podcast if you'd ever be open to it.

Absolutely. I think you're fascinating. I think you're brave in ways you shouldn't have to be. I don't always agree with you. I don't always fascinating. I think you're I think you're brave in ways you shouldn't have to be I don't always agree with you I don't always agree with you the things you say but I wanted to do this honestly so I could show my children that I I put my you know I don't just talk the talk I walk the walk and I don't have to agree with you on everything to sit with you and talk with you

I do this with you, next. Yes. I want you to bring in the things you think I'm wrong about where you don't agree with me. Okay. But also bring in my children, because I want them to meet. Yeah, and I'll get a good lesson and disagreeing. It's okay. Love, bring it.

Thank you. And I'll see you soon. Awesome. Are you getting up and leaving? Yeah. I just sit here. No. Oh, we will get up. Barb see you soon. Awesome. Are you getting up and leaving? Yeah. I just sit here. No. Oh, we will get up.

Or we know. Oh.