Club Random with Bill Maher - Video: Tommy Lee | Club Random with Bill Maher

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

Tommy Lee’s wild stories about staying sober as a rock star, the senses that evoke memories, the psychology of being a drummer, the insanity of Motley Crue not being in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the unbelievable pounding the human body can take, Tommy’s full body scan, the highly unusual way Motley Crue got Jack Daniels into their bodies, the joy of tattoos, Tommy’s hardcore fandom, and Tommy’s gift for Bill.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you had to choose between stripping or a nine to five. I would strip. I love the idea. Let's be strippers together. Tommy, if you could. Let's go! I'm drinking two gallons of vodka a day. Galen?

Galen's the big handle. I know what a gallon is. Two. Galen. I was expecting a crazy bright TV light. I know, I didn't. They're like. Crazy bright TV lights and like... No, they're like really new. You must have seen this.

This is a very different kind of show. It's hardly a show. Oh, I've watched it. A lot of... That's why I love it. But it just looks brighter. Yeah. I mean, it says 90 as I could be.

Also, like, look, this was my party house before it became a podcast studio. It's the same place. The difference is that before podcasting every time I'm in here, there's music playing, like your music. And it's a great, music sounds great in here because look, the low ceilings, the hard, right? We love that.

Dude, I was just telling one of the guys that works on your sound crew or video crew, I said, dude, this is a perfect studio spot because the live walls, yeah, super ambient if you want it to be. Right, Kurt, if I said if I'm going to do a podcast, I'm going to do one that's very different and there was none with a night time feel. You know, it's very bright. It was fine, but it's just a different version of a TV studio. It's the same level of, well, people act the way they do in a TV studio.

People don't act that way here. When I was coming in, your wife broke my heart and said, you don't do any drugs anymore. I know you're completely sober. I just celebrated a year of sobriety. Well, what does this celebrate? And that's the problem. I know. No, dude, I make it like a year,

and then I'm so stoked that I made it a year that I celebrate. That is peak rock star on so many levels. I know it is. I find that so funny, because I mean, I feel like it's one advantage, I guess. I have, as a comedian, we don't have this, I mean, not that we have an ad,

some drug addict and drug overdose comedians, but not all of them. Yeah. What is it with the overload of drugs? Why do you need drugs when it gives you such a great life outside of drugs? I mean, drugs to enhance a bit, but like, yeah.

But like, not to the point of like, didn't you once have like a contest with some band where who could get fucked up the most? Was it guns and roses? Or, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's, and then sick, like, who could be more sick without passing out?

I mean, just like out drinking. Yeah, out drinking. Yeah, and it's, I don't know what, there's no prize, there's no nothing. It's just like, it's just like a thing, like a out cool thing to do, you know? Like, oh, we can drink more than you guys. Yeah, I guess when you're 20s.

When you're 20s, everything is a stupid move. There you go. And your body can take it. Right. Yeah. I'm telling you, comedians do things in moderation. That's why I'm still able to do this at 67. So in a way, I won.

You did. I'm not kidding. No, no. Rockstar's always win. And we know that. Everybody wants to be a rock star. That's why they use the term rock star, right? Yeah, I guess so.

I guess, yeah. I've smoked with a snoop dog. And I had to literally, there was like three going around at once. And I looked at my assistant after a couple of puffs and I was like, dude, get me out of here, take me to my room. I had to go to my room and just sit there. Paranoia.

I was so fucking high and so paranoid. Yeah. Like it took me way further than I needed. I just wanted it to chill. And it just, it got me. I've had a couple of bad experiences, even on pot. One eating it, because eating it can be a very different psychotropic experience.

It goes through a different way. Sometimes you're stupid and you're like, after an hour, boy, I didn't feel anything. Maybe I'll do another one and then you're too much. Humping parked cars. You locked in for another four to five hours. Uh oh.

But so, you, I appreciate you making time. I know you're tonight. Is it tonight you're going over to join Metallica? Yeah, I'm going to go see them play. That's... Actually, I've seen them a million times. I'm sure you have. Knowing the guys for a while.

Um, my wife's birthday is next week, so. Yeah. She was like, can we go see Metallica? I was like, yeah, let's go. Let's go. And, uh, so we're gonna go all south of this. Absolutely. And happily married.

Yeah, I think I've finally got it right. Well, I think age has a lot to do with that. I mean, you have to have some of that tiger blood, get blood out of your body before you can be a normal person. Yeah. Yeah. And especially in your business. Oh, no. Right. I mean, it's just, it's not something the mortal man can really comprehend, you know, like how you guys, both the good and the bad. Yeah, it's really hard to have any sort of a relationship. Yeah, when you're constantly on another part of the world

and along the long distance love over the phone, before that there was FaceTime, that didn't work. I had to Daryl Hall here when Jay, Daryl Hall, oh yeah, awesome guy. Yeah. Oh, he's a great time. And I just said, yeah, how can you really be faithful when like all these hot chicks are throwing themselves

at you all the time? And he just went, it's impossible. He said, what? It's impossible. It's impossible. I mean, he did, you know, and I felt like, yes, I as a man, what? It's impossible. It's impossible. I mean, he, you know, and I felt like, yes, I as a man, I understand that. Yes. I mean, I wish I could understand it. Yeah. Well, no, from what I've heard, you do understand it. Well, no, no, no, no. See,

that's what that's interesting. You're not married yet. You're clearly still rockin' shit. Well, clearly. Well, you know what, John Mellon camp was just here, who I truly adore. And I was thinking of, I should have said it to him when he was here. But one of my favorite lyrics of his is, life goes on long after the thrill of living has gone. You know that song.

I don't. Yes you do. That's like song. I don't. Yes, you do. That's like when I was biggest hits. Oh, hang on to 16 as long as you can. I'm terrible with titles. Yes. But see their pink houses are, oh yeah. Laugh goes on.

Oh yeah, yeah. Done. After the thrill of living as gone. Go. Yeah. Go. Yeah. I went on to 16 as gum. Cump. Yeah. Cump. Yeah. I went on to 16 as long as you can.

And like that kind of, I just took that to heart. And so like I heard that was like a different person and I heard that lyric and my life changed. Like, like, Saul on the road to Damascus. No. But when I heard it, I was like, yes, that is what I think I should do. Is like try to hang on to 16 as long as I can.

It's not 16. But like 16, if you could be 16 with the brain of an older person, that's what we, they even can't ever really get. That's, I feel like that's how I am. You know, people are always, you know, like, I don't know, I always say I'm fucking 16 going on 60. You know, it's just like, you're seeing, that I'll never stop being a fucking kid.

I just won't. I will not refuse to. A true rock star does have a different kind of DNA because like, look at the Rolling Stones. Their Mick Jagger has the same waist and he's 103. He's the same waist. Yeah. And they all have every hair on their head, even though an entire died of cancer had all his hair with it. It's like they were skinny and ugly when they were 20 and they were still skinny and ugly

in a way they haven't changed at all. No, you don't look like you put on one ounce. I've done it all. I weigh the savings I did in high school. I swear to God. And what do you attribute this to? I have no idea. It's the rock star thing.

It is. It's like one mule a day of shoot load of booze and drugs. And yeah, I just kind of not really live in that healthy. But now you are. But yeah. Well, that's every rock star, every article you read about some old band, they say, yeah, back in the day before the show, there was medgets, you know, getting fucked with cocaine twizzlers or whatever.

And all this crazy shit. And now on the road, they eat microbiotic and they have a trainer and an oxygen tank. A couple of them are vegan. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's like the lifetime channel is always playing in the dress.

Well, I thought like, you know, but that's aging. But yeah, it is. And it's not a, it's not a trust me kids when you get older. It's not a crime to just submit to it and go, no, I'm not gonna abuse my body. It's just, we all come to the same conclusion except the dead ones. Like, it's not worth the pain.

Yes, it's, it's fun. You know, Jerry Seinfeld used to have that great bit about night guy and day guy, you know, night guy is like, fuck day guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when you get, I'll stay out the four in the morning. But when you day guy has to get up for work at nine, he's pissed at night guy. Yeah.

We all did that for years. I certainly, you know, as many I hate you night guy. Yes. Yes. Oh I thought you probably haven't seen that many mornings. Oh So many oh really you mean from the night before yes Yes, and you know it's a I meant like starting a new day morning. Oh, God you no know, dude, we were just in Europe touring. And we were in like fucking Switzerland, maybe Sweden, some Scandinavia.

And it's like three in the morning and I'm winding down after the show and I'm out on my balcony at the hotel and it's fucking, it's daylight. Right. And I'm sitting there and I'm out on my balcony at the hotel and it's fucking bruh, it's daylight. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, man, this, and it just triggered all these feelings of like, it do you stay up? Do I do another bump? I pour another fucking stiff cocktail or do I go to bed? And I'm sitting there going like, God, this is fucking weird. Just the light will do that to you. Yes. You know? Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. Interesting what triggers

memories. You know, like that. I mean, I don't know if you ever like had to sit through reading Marcel Proust, but he was one of the great novelists of the last century, Franchion, wrote an incredibly dense, ridiculous book that called, Remember It's of Things Past, Seven Volumes. Oh, I had to get through some of it in college. It's just ridiculous. But the whole point of it is his whole theme, why this is so genius I never knew, is that smells are what evoke our memories. Smell, smell. Whoa.

And he was an asthmatic who lived the last 30 of his life in a cork-roomed, cork-roomed, cork-lined room in Paris. I guess cork is good for the asthma, and wrote this book. And the whole thing is like, you know, he trips over the flagstone and on the ground, he falls and he smells the metal in or some flower of his youth, and suddenly all these floodgates of memory

were opened up. Wow. I think I just spared you about 1100 hours. Thank you. I appreciate that. No, maybe, maybe there'd be publicity to this. Well, most of them are like saying, what the fuck is this guy talking? But I'm telling you, you lit majors, you know what I'm talking about. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it is great. But boy, I thought it was horrible. But that's... And like, one, what's the point? Yeah, I get it.

But I would think it would be, you know what? That's interesting that it's smell. Yeah, because music does that for me. I think it will take right to fucking where I was. Me too. Who I was would. Exactly. What would the fuck we were doing?

That's the other problem I have with that fucking book. But smell also does that too, because there's certain sense, like, you know, the fucking, the smell of mothballs and reminds me of my grandma's house. Or gardenias, the smell of gardenias remind me of, it's my favorite flower. It just makes me happy. So I get it, I get it. But. Right. You grandma's balls. Grandma's mothballs. Grandmothers. There's a song, Tommy.

Yeah. That one. Grandma's mothballs. I mean, for a band that's been called Satanic. Yeah. I think it lives up to the brand. I think so. It's like some people have skills that are so far from what I could ever do. You know, that ballet stripping, although, if I had to, look, things may get rough with this move or dry it, with the economy. You know, I mean, Trump could get reelected,

Biden could fuck it up, anything could happen. And I, you know, I don't want to go to a 9-5. I would strip. What about you? If you had to choose between stripping or a 9-5, say the whole bottom fell out, you lost your fortune, everything went down. It's nobody else would hire you. I would cancel. I would strip. I love being there. Let's be strippers together. Tommy, if it never goes, if it's not doing on purpose, I'm just saying if it comes to that, it's not purposely be stripper.

Yeah, I'm saying we got the spot. We do that's our own. Oh, it's so funny that you are here. This, I can't believe I'm saying these words. The stripper pole. Oh, I heard there was one. It's being repaired. Oh, well, that's a good sign because if it wasn't being repaired, that means it was just sitting there. Who would America says that?

But it's the stripper purple, which is hopefully there. Where was it over here? It's right there. It's been there for 20 years. It's been, yeah, you see the hole in the ceiling. Dude, it's, it's being, Oh, okay, who brought you? What time were you, were you dancing, Bill?

Were you down here by yourself, practicing? No. Some of those. I just did a big believer in home upkeep. Architectural Jai Jess was coming to film it as they do and good homes in gardens wanted to see. And so I thought, oh, you know what? I'm just embarrassed by this triple poll, and I'm gonna upgrade, and I did. And- Oh, so you took it out? It's been, yeah, it's taken out and a better brighter slip, slip earlier.

Slip earlier. You was beautiful. Beautiful. It's being insult, but I find it cosmic that you, of all people, are here when it's not here, because, you know, I associate you with girls, girls, girls, girls. I mean, the video, you know, where was that? That was a strip club, right?

Yes. Yes. Dude. That's amazing. What? Did I have a stripper pole? Well, not that you have a stripper pole, but it's actually gone the day I'm here.

That is cause. That's fucking weird. You believe in things like that? You believe in that there's like no coincidences and the universe, whatever the fuck that is, is trying to communicate with you. I don't, I don't know much. You know what I mean?

Well, I'm so, I don't know. You know what communicates with aging and life and the way everything works and you're the best at this stuff like calling it like it is and saying it how it is. I have a, I'm typically pretty shy actually. And I don't really do a lot of this. So, you know why you're shy? Because you're always so attractive to women,

especially after you're a rock star, but even before I'm sure you just had that thing that you never really had to, like, like, shy guys have to develop a rap. Oh, you know, whereas you come up with that. You know, your opening line is, thank you very much. You know, that's your sort of already, you know what I'm saying. I hear you.

So which beetle do you think had the longest dick? Which beetle? Which beetle? Which beetle? The longest dick. Which, well, who? I'm just, which beetle. Which beetle? The longest dick? Yeah, like which beetle had the biggest dick, do you think? I've heard rumors of who.

Oh, who? Rumors of who? Rumors of who? I heard rumors of George. George. You know the beetles, isn't it? Of course, of course. You love the beetles?

I'm fuck. Yes. Yeah, yeah, no. I mean, they kind of, they, I mean. You loved the Beatles. Fuck. Yes. Yeah. I mean, they kind of, I mean, they did everything first. But kind of including, like birthday, you know, birthday on the white album, ta-da-da-da-da-da. That riff rock, I think that was like the granddaddy of that. Probably.

Right. Probably. And, and who writes the most played song ever? Like, right. Dude. Yeah. And a lot of the other most played, I mean, yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, to have, to have three great songwriters in one band. Yeah. You know. Yeah. That's a lot of product. I think I'm gonna go though with Oh, the question, yeah.

With Ringo. The drummer. I love that choice. Because just, I don't know. The drummer. The drummer just, Of course. The drummer thing.

Look who I'm talking to. They all got big sticks. I'm talking to. Of course it's the drummer. The drummer just, of course. It's not drummer thing. Look who I'm talking to. They all got big sticks. I'm talking to. Of course, it's the drummer. Drum bum. And it's almost athletic drumming, right? I mean, you're almost like,

I bet you don't do it if you don't warm up, right? I have to want you have to warm up. It's, right, like physically, it's almost like playing a game. Dude, I have a Funky crazy Statistic for you that's gonna blow your mind you ask like how do you stay like this, you know? I was really fucking curious and I put one of those this lick the old school This is the tracks your moat mirror movement

Joc pit bit whatever the fuck that thing okay anyway, I got a pedometer you clip on your shoe and it tracks Fitz for for for joggers and I was curious. I'm like I wonder how much how I wonder how far I run during the two-hour show I clipped the thing on my foot Took it off after the show and it said 12.3 miles. Yeah and it said 12.3 miles. Yeah, I'm surprised. Like no wonder, like, I think everything in sight I don't give any weight, like I swear to workout. It's like an ultimate workout.

Yeah, you could probably sell it like that. You could have a fucking infomercial, I mean, like you wanna get in shape? The Tommy Lee drumming and it just, yeah. Yeah. Drums are therapeutic, man, in many ways. ways like there's children's books out there, dude, that suggest get a

child drums. It's a it's a great place for them to let out their feelings of of aggression. They don't know what to do with. I must tell you it's the our drum tribal. It's very cute to me. It's as amazing as the other thing we were talking about when they could wrap off the top of their head and rhyme. Drumming is just as amazing. And I'll tell you why.

I tried once to learn how to write a motorcycle. Yeah. Couldn't do it because it's like, you have to use all four, both arms and both legs, same with drumming. Yeah. And that's not how my mind works. My mind is like one thing.

I'm very good at one thing what I'm doing right at this time, but like I also like, I don't think I was a very good at writing scripts with like 12 characters because like I don't care about those other lower characters. Just want to tell you what I think. That's my mind. So drumming to me is like out of this world crazy that you can do that. You can have all your limbs independently at the high.

That's just a brain wiring. It is. I do not have that chip. And then, it's wild. It's one of those things that can be taught, but it's a lot of work. And you can tell right away if somebody is teachable and there's others and that might maybe you that just, they just don't feel it.

It's one of those things, man. You like, I think you're kind of born with that instinctual rhythm and able to play to different rhythms with different parts of your body. You just want to beat on shit when you're a kid. All the time. I drove my fucking parents crazy. By the time they said, by the time I was...

You're so lucky that you came along at a time in human history when you could make a fortune with the skill of beating on shit because you know like I'd say something like a baseball player. You can throw a ball a hundred miles an hour, you can be worth hundreds of millions whereas you know 200 years ago that was you know I can throw a rock real fast. Great. Yeah great. Nothing and beating on shit was not profitable. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're right time. Yeah. It's pretty crazy. I can't and also I can't really think of too many other like star drummers in the band Don Henley. Of course comes to mind. Right. Killer voice too. And the most amazing amazing voice and a great songwriter. Yes. I've never Billy Joel saying he always thought it was weird when the

drummer was the singer. Ringo did it too for a few numbers. Yeah, it is. It is. It is. Because just so used to looking at somebody up front never the guy in the back on the mic. And you're so busy while you're singing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, something suffering, the drum suffering, or again, a drummer, just the thing, you do in four things, chewing gum and singing, six things at once. It's kind of like a, and sometimes getting blown. And that, and that.

So. getting blown. And that. And that. So, Rock and Roll has some people say it's like not invoked now. It's not rock and roll is not like, I mean, I hear epitaphs and then somebody else goes, Rock and Roll will never die. Okay, but it's not really the, I guess they're talking about whenever is ascendant now. I'm not even sure what is in music. What's like, what would you call like the weekend and Taylor Swift and Beyonce? And you know, the really Rihanna, the giant pop.

Still call that pop. Pop, which is popular music. Right, popular. It's fucking popular pop music. Yeah. I've always been such. Right, popular. It's fucking popular, pop music. Yeah, I've always been such a fan of popular. Really? As far as music goes, especially, like, I don't be a snob with music.

Like, the way to make sure you have a terrible record collection is to go by record reviews. Oh yeah. Like in Rolling Stone and I don't say what's it I don't care about what's important music. Yeah it's what's good music. Yeah I know. Yeah how about I want to have a good time. Yeah a song that I can I remember yeah and I can sing the melody to what apt like to you know two days later it's stuck in your head you're like well what kind of infectious shit did I just listen to?

That stuff that gets inside you, that's powerful man. Well, you've gotten inside a lot of us. Yeah. Don't mean, no, I mean that. In both ways. Oh, you, you, you and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you guys? No. That must be a big controversy.

We'll have a lot of people clamoring. I think you deserve that. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Why do we even have a Rock and Roll of Fame? Rock and Roll could be, could not be more antithetical to the idea of enshrining. Yeah, it's a weird one. And for a long time, we were like,

I don't know if we, well, actually as as the, as the rockup, the Hall of Fame got bigger and more people were being inducted into this thing, after a while, it sort of lost its, and people that you think, people that were getting inducted, you're like, are you sure? I'm sure. I'm sure. And now it's like, I don't know, like we've always said to ourselves, if they asked, we'd probably

say, not really interested. So who are we talking about specifically? Who are? We've walked in there. We don't want to name names. Right. But I'm just saying, if the people who did wooly booleering there, bro, that's what I'm saying.

We were like, you know what? Maybe this isn't the cool club that I remember, like this must have been the 80s. You probably were on the cover it when I read this article, but it was in Rolling Stone and Rolling Stone and put out like the hundred greatest singles. You know, they need to do these covers from time to time. You know, the hundred 100 greatest guitar players, like it says, oh, like fuck off. Yeah, yeah. And so like 100 greatest singles.

And number 33 was, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, rolling soldiers right in the letter of Paul, apology to a priest, artist who came after Willie Bowie. Oh, dear. I'm their list. Apology. Right?

Oh my God. And that tells you everything you need to know about critics. They picked Willie Bowie. Yeah. I was like, how's everything you need to know about critics? They picked woolly, bully. Yeah, it didn't be like, like, are you fucking kidding? Yeah, they did. No, of course I have some of them. How do they even get, who grows up and goes, I wanna be a critic.

Right, a dick. Yeah, I wanna be a dick. Who does that? They're happy to be fair. There have been, I'm sure this a dick. Who does that? There have to be fair. There have been... I'm sure this. Through history, yes. I think fair and good critics who did it for the right reason, that they wanted to be a guide.

That's, I think the difference is today, that the critics, they think they're stars. So it's just about, this is what I think. Well, you know, it was always about what you think, but it was always about also just, I'm the critic. I'm the guy, the guy, person who's reading the paper is looking to, to tell that person, do I wanna go see this movie or not?

But they didn't have an attitude about it. You'd read a review in 1981 of the latest alone movie, and there would be like, you know, you get the idea, this isn't this guy's cup of tea, but if you like kick ass shit like this, it's well like, you know, you get the idea, this isn't this guy's cup of tea, but if you like kick ass shit like this, it's well done, you know? It wasn't just like, oh, look how clever I can look by shitting on something.

Yeah, when the critic becomes the focus of the thing that's being criticized, or reviewed, then yeah, that's where it is. But it is a great question you ask. Like, why do someone choose that that it's like choosing to be a Proctologist of all the you know met you could look in any part of the body. Yeah, you know I Mean that's kind of gross and knows, you know that why that one I wouldn't pick either your nose and throw it like

Oh good Let me be near people who have the things I'm trying to Getting No, but no and throw it like, oh good, let me be near people who have the things I'm trying to avoid getting all too long. Oh, no. But, no. But yeah, you're hard, you know, but assholes. Yeah, it's like it's something on a psychological test.

We're like, oh, you're the doctor, but you chose this. What are you going to college for? I wanna be a... But what will we be talking about? So, let's try to work our way back, like, canceling Gretel with... Oh my God. On with drop bread crumbs.

Dude, so we were talking about assholes. Yes. We get on to assholes. It was about proctologists. It was like choosing, right? Like, uh... Like, well. Yeah, assholes being critics? At critics, there we go.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. I got it. Club random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at Radioactive Media. The vacations are over, and now it's time to get back to work.

Let me ask you, what are you doing to grow your business? Don't just use Google and social media when you can require new customers by partnering with shows like mine, elevating your brand. Wouldn't you like to generate up to nine times more leads? You can when you combine the power of audio and video with text messaging. Club random has been partnering with radioactive media with clients such as Signal Wire, heat holders, wine enthusiasts, looming micro-dose gummies, and they can customize a campaign for you.

For a limited time, receive $1,000 toward your first campaign plus free text messaging by going to radioactivemedia.com or text the word random to 511-511. Discover how audio marketing can surpass your current strategies. Just go to radioactivemedia.com or text random to 511-511 text random to 511-511 today. Terms, conditions, message, and data rates may apply. Watching football is fun, but it's better with prize picks. Prize picks is a skill-based, real-money, daily fantasy sports game.

How does it work? You pick just two to six players and whether they'll go over or under their prize picks projection. And it's not just football, it's any sport. And prize picks you aren't competing against other people. It's just you versus the projections. Prize picks offers an easy deposit and withdrawal experience. And there are fun wagers all over the board.

For example, today I placed a bet on how soon Taylor Swift writes a new song about how much she can't stand Travis Kelsey. Don't get mad at me, Swift, as you know this isn't gonna end well. But here's an example of a real bet you can place. Christian McCaffrey, under 89 yards rushing, 2A over 280 yards passing, or Debo Samuel over 50 yards receiving. PricePix adds a ton of excitement to the sports viewing experience. Watch your progress update in real time.

PricePix offers frequent discounts, bonuses and other exciting offers. They can even pick in-game projections after a game has started, which includes haves, quarters, periods and more. Go to prizepix.com slash random and use code random for a first deposit match up to $100. That's prizepix.com slash random and use code random for a first deposit match up to one hundred dollars price fix daily fantasy sports made easy Hey club random fans people in the comments have been asking why we don't have merch. Yes, we read them I don't but we have a guy for that but bottom line we have merch now Last week I begged Joe Biden not to be Ruth Vader Biden And so we are kicking off with a don't be Ruth Bader Biden T-shirt. And there's cool new Club Random merch on there too.

T-shirts and hoodies and bar wear. There's even a Club Random herb grind here in Rolling Papers. Check it all out at clubrandom.com. I gotta tell you, I reviewed something once and I realized Sometimes There's a joke to be made. It's not quite exactly fair But it's such a good joke you make it anyway because you're writing this review and you want your review to be funny And you want the review itself is a piece of art in their mind and it can be yeah critic That definitely esteemed books in the library of these are with critics,

you know, literary critics and so forth. So, you know, you want your piece of art to look good and shiny and be funny and bubble-blogged. And sometimes I felt like, oh yeah, you know what, that joke wasn't 100% fair, but, you know, who's, first of all, who's, who's get, who gets fair any of the time? Everybody has stereotypes, they, I mean, they're rock star stereotypes, models, supermodels are always throwing up. Is that really true? Yeah, no.

I love the way you can answer that. Not rhetorically, but just, no, and I'm reviewing. Oh, boy, they're not always throwing up. Some of them are getting gagged, but they're throwing up. Well, I think you should be in the rock and roll of of fame and I'm going to write a sternly worded letter. Yeah Now there must be a big movement for that a band of uresteem. Yeah, I don't even actually know how that works How it's great that you're so do they contact you and say hey? Like how do you know? Fuck yes, how do you know what they're like? They're a fuck yes, they do.

They're a fucking work. Of course they do. They're not trying to keep it a secret. They hold you in. Right. Tommy, I am sure there is a movement. If I Googled on the internet, you know, angry, motley crew fans who want the rock and roll

hall of fame to anoint them as they should, there would be thousands and thousands of people who would have been onto this thing. Yeah, yeah. This is true. Well, yeah. Okay, so let's get them riled up. What are you drinking there? That's just a little maple syrup.

Maple syrup? No, I'm joking. It's a tequila. That was awfully light for maple syrup. No, I don't want to tempt you. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't be tempted. Oh, I know. Yeah.

I'm broken-hearted that I'm not tempting, but no, I don't blame you. No, once you give up the sauce, you should, you know, I wish I didn't drink any and I drank a little, but even that's not good for you. There's no amount of poison that is okay. We go by this rule in America, it seems like so little poison is okay. We tested it and it's only like 36 particles per thousand. And we think 50 is the, it's like, you know what?

Fuck off. I want no particles. Or if I do, I want to choose them. And these are the particles I'm choosing. And not many particles the way I'm buying. But I feel like, you know, Sammy Davis, Jr. once said, when they said, you know, what's the hardest thing about quitting drinking? And he said, getting up in the morning and knowing,

that's as good as I'm going to feel all day. Wow, that's an interesting one. Wow. You know that feeling? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God, it's fucking crazy.

I'll call it such a fucking weird one too, because fuck. It's easy to fall in love with, the way it makes you feel, the way it makes you relax, and then all of a sudden you're like, fuck, I'm making two gallons of vodka a day. You're trying to kill yourself now. This is not like... Are you talking kill yourself now. This is not like you're talking about yourself for Yeah, come on two gallons. No, I swear to you, dude. I swear to God Gallons gallons the big handle. I know what a gallon is

Because I know kids for courts. Yes, and a corch like a bottle of liquor. Is a normal bottle. So you drink eight bottles of liquor? Yeah. A day. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm, I mean, that's my wife. For how long?

Fuck, man, for a long time. I mean, your liver must be made of asbestos. That's what I'm saying. Like, I can't, I can't believe, I pinch myself on a daily basis, like, I fuck my shit, I just did the full body scan where they do, see, head to toe, everything. And I can't believe smoking, drinking, all the fucking dumb shit, or the fun shit that I've done.

Dude, the doctor was like, you're good. And I was like, are you sure you have the, let me see, like, is that my name on there? Is there some Japanese guy in here that you have his results that you're reading from? Because I find that fucking impossible. This is impossible. No, I mean, but he's right, because like I'm just looking at you, you know, you don't look like a person who lived a hard life, you know, that's wild.

Yeah, fuck, it's wild. No, you know what it is, Tommy. It's a, it's great proof for the people who need help with the argument of, you know, what causes certain medical outcomes. And the answer, of course, is complicated. One part of it is definitely genetics. That's the part where you were dealt a huge ace.

Your genetics are amazing because eight-pops fucking look you're a day is likep-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p mystery, you stopped abusing your body and doing the thing that makes your liver sick. Yeah. But not everyone springs back that quick. I know this. So how old were you when you did quit? When you, or at least it was at a process of scaling back for a while and then full stop or was it like a lot right to none. Like, in 89.90 is what, as a band, we decided. We're like, okay, dude, so someone's gonna not wake up

one morning like this is getting fucking ridiculous. Right. Um, as a band, we saw fucking drugs, man. Yeah, so many's gonna do something. We would take fucking handfuls. Somebody has got to do something. We would take fucking handfuls. Somebody has got to do something about this drug youth in America, Tommy.

You know what, Halcyon's were? Do you remember those? Halcyon? You take the first I do. Okay. I didn't take it, but. Yeah. What was it?

We would take a handful of those and fucking pound a bottle of Jack and then go out for the evening. You take those to go to sleep for a long time. Oh my god. And then, you know what I'm saying? Like, so it was that kind of shit where someone's gonna fucking not wake up. What was happening? Was it like, um, volume? It's like a volume. We're housing.

I do remember that word, but I was, I think that's after I was not ever doing those kind of drugs anymore. I think I ever did them a lot, but I did ecstasy for a few years in the late 80s, early 90s, and it was great. But it did have very quick acting diminishing returns. I mean, like the first time was super-diver-amazing, And then the second time is, oh, this is amazing. And then the third time is, this was really great. And by the eighth time, it was like your mind kind of got used to it and then it was just like, you know, like every,

I always thought every high, every drug is just good or bad pot. It's just some variation on pot for me. You gotcha. You know? Yeah, yeah. I'll see that. You guys also smoked weed, I hope. Oh yeah, fun. Dude, everything. Heroine, co, fun. Heroine. Everything. Not heroine. Oh, fuck. Everything. Everything. It's all there. All of it. All right, Junior, book. Yeah.

All of it. All right, Junior Book. Yeah. I mean, pretty notorious moments of like, when we could just drink the whiskey, right, Nicky and I would take the cap off the fucking fifth of Jack and fill up the cap and take a syringe and we would shoot the Jack down. It was when we could just drink it, we would shoot it

because shooting it was fucking quicker. Like, you know what I mean? Like faster, louder, harder, like how often did this happen? We would do this shit all the time. We would run out of coke, but we'll fuck us shoot some booze. Didn't your, your, you know,

arm look like, yeah, they get pretty beat up. The tattoos camouflage that though. That's why they tattoos. Yeah, well, yeah, you couldn't really, you couldn't really see the track marks. Right. But I'm saying, is this why there's fucking tattoos in the world to cover up track marks? Well, I don't think so. So that's it.

No. That's not real. But there are four. Is that was never a big deal? You have any tattoos? No. No. I'm actively against tattoos. I really, I'm talking to the wrong guy. Oh.

But, that's cool. No, but it's, this is cool too. They don't offend me right. I think here's your actually kind of interesting. And also, you're a guy. I don't give a shit. No. But on women, you know, I could live without tattoos.

You know, I just accept that it's something that, you know, just, it's like, but I feel like it's a trade-off or shaving to be care. Like, okay, but that one is a big improvement. I think it was better when they didn't have tattoos, but I also think if I had to trade that or the big bush, okay, okay, shave your pussy. And then you find it. Yeah, I've never touched it. The MF is at 2. I'm okay. Are you cool with the little landing strip? I don't

know why I was negotiating with myself on the show because nobody's asking me. But this is so fucking cool. I'm so glad I do want to do this. I know you never do things like this. Yeah, I want to know. Thank you. I met your buddy at this George Lopez golf tournament. Chris? Yes, Chris, producer. And I was like, when he had mentioned it, I was like, dude,

I've been wanting to meet Bill for fucking ever. and I'm not your typical person that would be going on his Show or like I'm probably never gonna meet this guy, but fuck I want to meet him Oh, and and it's it's a fucking it's an honor, dude. We can thank you. We can have a small Wild motherfucker. I love it. I Sorry you. I love everything. I'm just going to fanboy out for a second, please. There is nobody else on this planet like you. There just is not. They don't make them like that. You bring me extreme fucking joy watching you say what nobody else will fucking say and and fucking and mean it and not give a fine fuck about it and dude to me.

That's how I jerk that's how I drive like I have so much respect for that man. I love it. You do not give a fuck. But in a very intelligent way, in a very informative way, like, man, you cut right through the fucking bullshit and I fucking adore that about you, man. And it's a fucking pleasure to be sitting in this room with you. I really... I have to get that out. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You just so much for that. You know, I'm going to give you my honest reaction to this forever. I've had this... You know, one thing in my portfolio that was difficult, which is like, I do something that is a little harder to understand than most things, because it's a hybrid. Is it an opinion news show? Yes, is it a comedy show?

Yes. That's all too much for a lot of people. So people, it's not like I've had a charm career and it made it for a charmed life, and I feel I hate that overused word blessed, but I have been, I had a talent that I could then, okay, so, but as far as like people like, when they write about you, or don't write about you at all,

like, so there's that one part, it's like they would never give me an Emmy, that kind of stuff, which I made my piece with years ago. You can't have everything. You can't be what you just described by Am. And also be that, and I was like, that's fine, that's a trade-off,

I'll make a million times over. But many times I've thought to myself, but it would be nice if somebody somewhere, some writer, somebody could say what I would say about myself and I wish I think people really understand about me, but they never seem to be able to get it and you just did it. So finally somebody did it. No, that's like, like if I wanted to click a clip of somebody, Finally, somebody did it. No, that's... Like, if I wanted to pick a clip of somebody,

test the money to me, I would pick that clip above one that anybody's ever said, and I have some big fans and great people, and they've said some nice things, but you nailed it. Whoa, yeah. Wow. So, yeah.

Out of the mouths of babes. Oh, shit. And rock stars. Do you know? You know, when you meet somebody, or you watch somebody from afar, or whatever, you go, I know I've been really, I don't know, we have a lot in common,

a lot of thought in common. I think we are going to party here again. I think just, we did, like I said, these cameras weren't always here. This is one reason I wanted to do this show is I wanted to meet people who are like, you know, in show business, when do people meet each other when they work?

Yeah, this is technically work, but it's actually the exact thing we'd be doing if we weren't working. Yes, so we can do it. I love it. No, I do it. I love it. No. I love it. I have a little party here at one night.

Oh, throw your name here. And then if I throw your name out there, William Schatner will come. Yeah. He's been here for parties. Oh, that's awesome. I love him. Oh, and I bet you'd like to meet you.

Yeah, that would do. Do you want to meet him? You'll have a great party. Oh, that's cool, man. Yeah, I was looking hot you. Yeah, that would be great. Do you want to meet him? You'll have a great party. Oh, that's cool, man. Yeah, I was talking hot wife. Yeah, yep, yep. Boy, she was out there, I was like, Tommy Lee, boy, still, Tommy Lee.

God, I would thank God, you need your idols. Ha, ha, ha, you know, you need, you need your pussy, God. Yeah, it's funny because when I was, I brought you a gift, by the way. Really? And I was taught, like I was talking about earlier,

like you know when you see somebody, like let's just use you for an example, I'm like, I'll bet you we, I'm here. I'll bet you we, I know we have a lot in common and when I need this guy, I have a feeling we're gonna end up being friends for a long time. We're already friends.

And which is awesome. And then I thought, I'm gonna bring him a gift and then I wasn't sure, but I feel like that thing you just said is the gift. Whatever else you gave me, I'm sure I'll love it. I mean, if it's a Ra, it'll be very valuable here. The floor looks filthy. I mean, if it's if it's wine, I don't drink wine, but I'll love pretend I do. And I mean, whatever it is, I'm sure you're gifted, right? But it's better than what you did.

How that thing? It's a bonsai. I've been working on this for a long time. Good second person to give me one of these in the last two weeks. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. I was like, I wonder if he's even into it. And then I'm like, I'll bet you he is. And then as soon as I walk back here through the landscape,

I was like, I know he's into plants. Well, I definitely, I know he smokes a lot of plants, but I do. I love it. Thank you so much. You're welcome. It's what I said stands. The other thing was,

I like the fucking plant, but the other thing I waited like 25 years for. I got it. I got it. I mean, the plant's awesome. The I got it. I got to say the plan's awesome. The top. Love you a plan, but you know, it's awesome. I have to give up one.

Yeah, here I'll say it again. I don't know why I am. Yeah. Yes. Imagine Arlene negotiating with me. And I left you a little instructions here so you don't kill the fucking thing. You wrote out instructions?

Yeah. Oh, Tommy. See, you're Mr. Sensitivity. And the variety, but I've been working on that guy for a couple of years. That's why you're a six-love-you musician, because music is primal to begin with. But what musicians do is they, you know, the songs are saying things that like women want to hear, but normal guys, you know, just guys who work in the player places, they don't say, you know, something in the way you move, you know, they don't, they don't, yeah, you know, wider birds fall down from the sky every time you walk by. I don't know, pollution.

You have to fucking, that's so true. You know, they, you say the things that a woman wants to hear while you're beating something and sweating. I mean, it's, it's, you got beating something. And sweating. I mean, it's, you can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury.

You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury.

You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. You can find more of a luxury. Physicians are singing and then what the reality of their life is, you know, they're singing You know, you're three times a lady Really? They're having sex with three ladies

Did you know that if you're an employer who's hiring the average cost per hire is $4,700. If you're investing that much money into each new hire, you want to get it right. So what's the most effective way to find the best people for your role's Zippercouter? See for yourself. Right now you can try it for free at zippercouter.com slash random and experience the value zippercouter brings to hiring. Zippercouter finds you more qualified candidates faster. Once you post your job, Zip Recuder's smart technology

works quickly to identify people who skills and experience matches. Zip Recuder sends you a list of available great matches for your jobs so you can review the top ones. It's simple. Zip Recuder helps you get hiring right. Four out of five employers who post on Zippercruder get a quality candidate within the first day. See for yourself.

Go to this exclusive web address to try Zippercruder for free before you commit. Zippercruder.com slash random. Again, that's zippercruder.com slash random. Zippercruder, the smartest way to hire. I'm heading back to Vegas to just stand up for my last live dates of the year. I'll be dot com slash random zippercuder the smartest way to hire i'm heading back to vagus to just stand up for my last live dates of the year over there friday november third and saturday november fourth i will be at the david copperfield theater at the mgm grand and vagus my new home there's no uh...

underestimating how important lyrics are to win all the uh... much more than to men underestimating how important lyrics are to women. Oh, much more than to men. I mean, I like way more way more. Way more. Way more. They know every fucking word.

Yeah. Because the guys are like, oh yeah, I think it kind of goes like, hells bells. Yeah, like, just a, I think it kind of goes like Just a simple shit, you know, exactly. Yeah, no, it's all it's the guitar and the drum. Yeah, feel a little air drunk. I mean look I I love a good Oh, you got it. Yeah, yeah, I love a good lyric It totally can make a song for me. Like fantastic though. I can, even though I've heard, and I know what the words are, I can hear them again and again and it doesn't get boring, but it has to be a good song.

Yes. If the lyric is great and the song is not great, I'm sorry. I'm glad I heard your words good night. Yeah. It's you. You got to, you know, in the end for me, it starts like, if sometimes I won't even get that far,

like it starts earlier for me, if I, if the beat isn't moving me in some direction, whether it's, you know, a sway or something aggressive or something bouncy and sexist, it has to move me before I'll even give it the fucking A chance sometimes and it's frustrating because I won't give it a chance if like like oh the music sucks Why would I I'm why would even hang out here to listen to what they have to say because you already lost me You never had me So it starts earlier for me, but yeah, the lyrics are important. You have that with you the band that you've

Keep coming back to yeah, you musically you must have that Yeah, and that's why you keep coming back together even though you break up or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that's why you keep coming back together, even though you break up or whatever. Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. Absolutely, man, it's kind of crazy. But as you get older, you must be like, people just get more tolerance and more like, oh, whatever we were fighting about, I don't give a fuck.

Is that where you are with the band? Yeah. Um, when do you really still like, we just tend to like, kind of do the job and take a piss, you know, kind of like what you do with things like we, we actually, we just recorded a song called Canceled. And, um, and because we were, we weren't just inspired by the rest of the world and things and places like anybody else. And there was this article and it was like, how did Motley crew ever not get canceled? How? That was the headline and we were like, fuck, we got to write a song about that because

we didn't ever get it. We snuck in under the whatever threshold wherever that was, where we got away with fucking murder. Yeah, I mean, so because there's no uniform law, that's one thing that really bothers me about cancel culture. There's no uniform law about like who gets canceled and how hard it just seems to be a lot about, well, we like them. Yeah, yeah.

Why haven't Martin Lutheran and Ken, well, we like them. You know that? It's just like it. Oh, God. It's just like the mean girls. Just arbitrarily decide. We like them. Now we, you know, yeah, I just don't like,

as someone who I thought of myself, as someone of a hard partier in the years, I'm like, when I was, you know, late 20s into 30s and probably too far into 40s. Yeah. But okay, but still drinking and going out to lots of places. And I mean, but even in my youngest years, I feel like I couldn't do it every night in a row.

No. And it seems like you did it every night in a row. At that level, like when did you ever, when did you not be drunk? Because if you drank that, I remember waking up drunk. Oh, no, I would make a huge glass of vodka and a little like an eyedropper of cranberry juice. Eyedropper.

Seriously? An eyedropper. An eyedropper. I would make that and put it on my nightstand so that when I woke up in the morning, no, I wouldn't have to go to the refrigerator, go, I would wake up and drink. And it's like, dude. Oh my god, you fucking drunk. No, it's a fool. That's how much I like the way alcohol makes me feel.

It's fucking to me. It's crazy. It's start like in high school or? Oh yeah. We have pre-high school. Pre-high school. It's cool. It's like 13, I think I did acid.

Oh really? Yeah, I lived such a sheltered life. Yeah, I grew up in, like how old are you? I just turned it into a turned 60. Yeah. 60. Oh God, you're doing so good. 60, oh well, welcome to the 60s.

Yeah, thanks. You're gonna fucking hate it. Really? No, no, I mean, I love it. But I mean, like, it's fucking like. No, it's fucking rad. Yeah, it's fine if you're still healthy. Yeah. It's just that it's much more likely that health

might be a monster that is chasing you. I mean, it is a monster that's always chasing you. Sure. And you just got to outrun it. And you said it, a wash one of your shows, I think Kid Rock was on or something. He said, you were like, dude, one of your shows, I think Kid Rock was on or something, you said, you were like, dude, we're all gonna fucking die.

And I'm that, that's literally my fucking, my mantra, like when I don't get upset about fucking anything because I really, I just, I'm like, dude, you know what, we're all gonna fucking die and none of this shit, none of this matters, none of it. What do you tell your kids? Like, or did you tell your kids growing up like about religion and that kind of stuff today? Did you have a religion? Did you, I mean, they must have said

other kids are going to church. If you didn't go to church, or if you went to a church, like, why do we go to a different one? You know, kids are gonna ask questions about stupid shit that doesn't make sense to them. You didn't go to church, or if you went to a church, like, why do we go to a different one? Kids are gonna ask questions about stupid shit that doesn't make sense to them, i.e. religion. Yeah. Well, I don't know about religion,

but when they ask what a Chinese basket is, and I tell them it's a plant hanger, that's kind of how things would, you know, you know, Chinese basket with sex wings. Chinese basket is a sex wing? Yeah, they're like, Dad, what is that? And I didn't have an answer for it. And I was like, it's a plant hanger.

And so I went and grabbed a plant and I put it in there. And this was a question about religion? Well, when they ask questions, I don't know, but we never really talked about religion. Oh, frankly. If I had to try and eat basket and a can, it would ask me what it was.

I would say, that's a thing I fuck hot models off. That's how you know there is a God. Yeah. He's bad. Oh, dude. Yeah, we went from religious. But what did you, what went, you didn't bring him up in it. Did you ever go to church with kids?

You ever go to church? No. Did you as a kid? No. No? Not even as a kid? A few times as a kid. I was, I'm...

No, you got off lucky. I was... I had to go every fucking Sunday. Yeah. I went for a little while. My, my mom is quite religious. Greek orthodox. I was born in Greece.

What's the difference between Greek orthodox and say, you know, a Piscopalian or... I have no fucking idea. Oh, but it's Jesus. Yeah, why is it? Is Greek Orthodox? Yes, absolutely. Okay. But there's Eastern Orthodox, Greek Orthodox.

You know, I mean, there's ever been to Jerusalem. To where? Jerusalem? No. Oh, quite a place. Is it? Yeah, I always call it the funny hat capital of the world because like all the different sects, not, you know, there's of course Christianity and then the Muslims, the Jews, or

all in Jerusalem, they all think it's a holy city. But even within that, there's Greek Orthodox and like these different sects of, you know, and they each have like a little piece of the city that's their thing to tend of, you know, and they each have like a little piece of the city that's their thing to tend to, you know, this is where Jesus' hands were. And we give these to that, that's trying we give to the Greek Orthodox. It's a way to keep the peace among, you know, don't steal my myth. This is my myth, bit. Get your own myth.

Okay, this is where the Jews rose out of the grave. And you know, the city is, it's a, it's a fun house mirror. I'll bet. I mean, I watched that show. You did where you went all around and religious. Yeah. Yeah. Jobs, because I was curious, because I'm like, he, again, he's gonna cut right through all the bullshit. And I really want to hear what he says. And that was, that was. So you don't think you deprived your kids of anything by giving them a religious upbringing. Because when I asked my mother that question in the beginning of religious, I said, why,

you know, what, she was Jewish, she didn't go to church with us. You know, I said, why, you know, why were you okay with like me being brought up in a religion that's, you know, I'm believe it. And she said, well, I thought you, I just thought it was important. You have some kind of structure. Hmm. That that never crossed your mind with your kids or... No, we're a kid. No, because for some reason, man, I've just... I've always had a problem with believing in something that's...

I just... Not tangible. I can't see it. I can't tell. I can't tell. Well, you know, like... You can't touch germs. You can't see it, I can't share it, I can't, well, you know, like, you can't touch germs, you can't see them, you believe in them. Yeah, but I don't, for some reason, religions always have that. No, it's very different, I'm just saying,

no, it's people are losing their minds over this, no, it fucking fictitious character, like, what? Exactly. Yes, what is happening? Exactly happening exactly I mean that is exactly what God is is a fictitious character. You know we know the Bible is an anthology we know it's it's many different books written over many different years by many different people. How are you supposed to latch on to some of that? You know, like, no, no. Right. And they made, yeah, they made this car. Well, the, the New Testament, of course, the four gospels are telling the same story, but they're all different because it's their version of it.

because it's their version of it. You know, and only one of them is Jesus pouty at the end. You know, what a confused people. We've got eight different versions. Well, there's four different versions. But like, on only one at the end, he says, Lord, why has thou forsaken me? That's kind of a big plot point to either put in or leave out. Because it's

a little star wars. You know, it's him and the dad and there's a lot of drama between those two. Oh my God. Jesus and his dad don't get him started. But, you know, father, why has style forsaken me is very different than the other three which they don't, that didn't happen in there knowing. I mean, it's just crazy that, you know, they could differ and people still believe it. You know, it's a great, if you were putting this on trial in a courtroom,

that would be a great thing to present as evidence that well, your honor, the four stories don't match What are we gonna do about this We cross examine the witness One of them says that He thinks God forsaken and the other ones don't they didn't see it It's you know That would be awesome. You need to make that.

Well, you know, it's funny. You mentioned that people have said to me since that, I can't believe that. That's 15 years ago. Religious came out. 2008. Was that 15 years ago? It came out.

Whoa. Here's me. October 3rd, 2008. That's my brother. My mother had died just like a year before. Or no, she died, I think that October. And people over the years have said, you know, why don't you do a religious too,

you know, you can do the Hindus and the Buddhists. And I'm like, okay, first of all, they're not funny. That's not funny. People have some fun here. Yeah, people don't know. I mean, this one was great because it hit a nerve. We did the Christians and the Jews and the Muslims. That's what people know in America

and the world in blah, blah, blah. So I said, forget it. I will never do that. And the director, Larry Charles, he really is my full partner in this. I can't direct him if he did Bor know, he's a genius, Larry Charles. So I had dinner with him recently and I said, I always thought we shouldn't do religious too, the Hindus, but somebody suggested to me, religious too, but the religion is

wokism. And I said, yeah, if we could just broaden it out a little of the religion, it's like politics is the new religion. You know, QAnon, wokism is a religion, but so is QAnon and Trumpism. And I said, if we did religious too, but that was the religion, politics, the new religion. Oh, that'd be cool. Don't you think?

Yeah. Yeah, I think that'd be fun. For sure. I just wonder if like, I wanted to, like, you could have some fun with that. I would imagine. Yeah, but I don't really want to like, you know, work that hard. And I mean, for religious, we traveled, you know,

look like you were going all over the place. It looked like that. We were clever. We did, we had two long trips. We went to Israel. But then it was England and Amsterdam. And yeah, look, a few other places. And then America, we went to a lot of different places.

That was easier. But I don't know if at this point in my life, I want to get my ass out of bed in the morning and put on makeup and just beyond location and away from my home and you know you get a little comfortable you know when you're young you don't care about comfort I was no you're like let's go. First time I went to Europe I was 21 right out of college you, following my sweetheart at the time to a school and which, Switzerland she worked at and it's like, oh, we can't be apart.

So, she got me a job at the school. It was teaching kids, international school. Offset. Yeah, and before we went, started the job, we spent like three weeks or a month going through Europe like backpack, basically, like youth hostels, Euro pass, you know, just like no money kind of trip. And fine because you're 21. Yeah, you know, you don't need the comfort, comfort is just not your priority at that age. And then at our age, it becomes a very big priority. I like to be comfortable.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, right? Yes. And at that age, you don't really know what comfort is yet for some reason to feel like. Right. You know what I mean?

I don't know. You just don't know yet. It's not like you'd never had something that was comfortable, but I don't know what you're up bringing was. Mine was like middle class. Yep, same room. Yeah, I mean, we weren't rich at all.

Yep, but we weren't poor. We weren't the... Yeah, we were the cheapest houses in town. But they were in bad houses, but there was a richer section of town. Of course. That were slightly better houses. These there was a richer section of town. Of course. That were slightly better houses. These were houses built right after World War II. They were like, my parents, when they bought the house,

they never even saw the actual house. You saw a model. They were like throwing the little I remember that. Yeah, we got like 26A, because it was, it wasn't that complicated. Yeah. Three small bedrooms, a living living room a dining room a kitchen a basement Yeah, you know the American dream. What did you grow up? Tommy that's a little personal. Oh, I'm fucking I didn't ask where

New Jersey. Where? New Jersey. New Jersey. New Jersey. I knew how to be, you can tell. New Jersey, yeah. Where did you grow up?

Well, I born in Athens, Greece, moved here, when to where? I was two, to Covina. Oh, California. Yeah, Covina. Oh, California. Yeah, Covina, California. To your California. Oh, pretty much all my life. Right. See, I was two.

I had a different California experience. I had California like as my savior. Like as my, you know, I'm gonna get back to Oz, you know. What did you think? Well, 27. Oh, okay. 40 years, I've been here 40 years, moved here in 1983.

I had done three tonight shows. And so, you know, I was on my way, time to move to California, and get a little apartment on West Mountain Avenue, and it was like paradise. California after New York, which I've always found is a tough set for me. You vibe with certain cities, you know,

some, I mean, I love New York. For a lot of reasons, it's my home turf, you know. Sure. New York teams, we were, I grew up in a suburb of New York. My father worked in the city every day. But I didn't get along with like, I don't like the weather, I didn't build things, I don't like living in a building. I got to tell you, the women, I just did not

get along with the women easily. Very tough. The guys were so aggressive because, and so the women would shut down. New Yorkers like, guys, hey, how you doing on the street? You know, yeah, hey, what, I can't smile? Can't smile for me? Hey, smile, what do you think of this smile? Hey, how you know, no, can I get, like, I just want to talk, you know, they just, that's so women of course are like,

fucking aggressive. Right, so like, I just didn't invite, and then I came out here and I was like, oh, it's a little more relaxed. Yes. Yes, that's a little more relaxed. Yes. Yes. That's awesome, man. You know, that's cool.

I get it. New York is cool. I love California. But for me, it's one of those places that it's like, it's like, I hate to compare it to fucking Las Vegas because they're completely opposite. But it's a place I can only stay for three days. That's my max.

New York. New York. New York. After three days, I just can't. Oh, I love it, but after three days, I go, okay, I gotta go, because I can't, I can't, it's too, and fucking crazy.

I feel roughly the same way, and I just wanna say to New York, that is not an insult. No, right, it's not an insult. It's just like some people vibe with your thing and some people don't, and boy, they take it very personally, and because the media is in New York, you know. And it's like you kind of have to kiss New York-ass first,

like before, like, okay, then, if you don't like kiss New York-ass, it's like, first of all, you're just a crazy person because it's the greatest city in the world. I haven't heard. I mean, we stay at all the time. So it must be true. It's the greatest city for the world. I haven't heard. I mean, we stay at all the time. So it must be true. Oh my God.

It's the greatest city for you. And God bless you. And it is a great city. I live there twice. I get what's great about New York. I like this better. It doesn't make me weird. I think you're weird.

I mean, the things you're put up with, I can't. I wouldn't even want to live in like a super great building because it's a fucking building. And I have to take an elevator to get home. That just doesn't, that's not me. Yeah. I grew up in the suburbs.

Maybe I'm spoiled. Maybe I'm crazy good. Then call me crazy. But I don't like to do that. I don't like to get in an elevator. I like to be able to walk outside, piss on my own land. Yeah.

If I so choose, I get you, man. I get you. I got you. Sure, I'm sure. The next time I do piss outside, I'll probably hit a rock star who's fallen, sleeping the gutter as if your won't. I'm so glad that you made it through the storm with, you know, looking good, healthy. I think so, man.

Yeah, because you could never backslide, not at your age. Oh, well, yeah. And I'll tell you, like, 60s is a little different animal than the 50s. I feel like the 50s is a, like, much more of an extension of the 40s. Yeah. Yeah. You can kind of get away with whatever you're getting

away with in your 40s. Yeah. But like, 60, better like, come on. Yeah, it's time. You better calm down. Time to fuck you calm down, bro. Just fucking calm down. Yeah, that's not be greedy. Yeah.

So your body is a deal. That's not be greedy. Yeah, I had a good run. Yeah. Yeah. Put a good run. Yeah. Yeah. Put the bottle down. Yeah. Just sleep.

Yeah. Sleep, you know. Say some for the other folks. Come on. Well, that's more you. Oh, I have to tell you, before you go, before I forget this, it'll be amused by this, I hope. Like, comedians, especially ones,

I've done a monologue, like, every night or every week for 30 years. It's like so ingrained and you get submitted many monologue jokes. I'm sure you know by a team of writers, it's one thing like they do the lion share of that. I mean, writing monologue jokes, I'm like,

you write with the other writers? Because you, don't you have got to that? We both do that. And there are parts of the show that I am more my own head writer, but I do read everything everybody writes. I don't have any filter.

God, got it. But like monologue jokes, like I don't sit there and crank out a monologue. That's a real skill. It's like those other skills we were talking about. I'm kind of in awe because I don't know if I could do that. Jay Leno can. Jay Leno, during that last writer's strike in 2007,

Jay Leno definitely wrote a great monologue by himself every night, the writer's writing, I don't know if I can do that monologue, that's not really exactly my thing. So, but I feel like I'm a very good editor and I know what the good jokes are. And that's really, you know, part of the skill. And so, every once in a while,

you do have sort of a moment of, oh, I should have picked that one. It doesn't happen a lot But there is one that's stuck in my mind for 26 years. Oh, and it's about you Did the fuck I swear to God? In 1997 I was submitted a joke and I didn't do it Brian Jacob is my er, still with me, great amazing writer. So, sorry Brian, this joke is 26 years late, but I told you I was gonna get to it.

But you must have been split from Pam and then got back together and that was the story. Tom and Tommy and Pam, did that happen? Yeah, yeah. So Tommy and Pam back together and they gave his statement and said, well, we just decided that we still respected each other and still loved each other. Oh, my kidding. You've all seen his penis. And I swear to God, I remember that for 26 years, because I wish I had done that joke.

And you didn't? I don't know why I didn't. Huh. That's interesting. Yeah. You can always make almost a part of the fucking model. I know. Oh, I'm sure you were other times.

I mean, you were always in the press in those days, the 90s? Yeah, I knew. You know, I said, like, I can accept the fact that the 60s? Yeah, yeah. You know, it's sad. Like, I can accept the fact that the 60s, my first year when I was like cognizant of shit, you know, was a very long time ago. But it just bothers me that the 90s, when I was a fully grown ass man,

is also a long, long time ago. Yeah. I mean, the 90s is a long time ago, right? It feels like it. It is. I mean, like, what, we were, the country was completely different. Yeah. We were completely different, completely different.

Yeah. No, this is true. I mean, what's the, think about what you were doing? With this eight bottles of... Yeah. A bottle. And that was what, that would be preef. I can't believe you survived that.

Pre- Well, yeah, that'd be pre-fucking internet and social media and stuff, right? Was that right when things were kind of starting without. You must have had issues with your kids about that, like social media and fuck. What? Yeah, insane.

Like what? Insane. I mean, from the simplest things to the craziest things, like, you know, where they'd be like, to take your picture and we're fucking, you know, a picture that shows the gate at the airport on our way to, I know, a picture that shows the gate at the airport, on our way to go guys, do not do that.

Fucking you to your tent. Because at one point, we considered getting kidnapping insurance. You know what I mean to laugh, but I, what's the fucking like I nim in my life time ever thought I'd be even having my conversation, but so I tell the kids I'm like, you can't tell people where you're at. Wait, wait, wait. Somebody might want a fucking swoop you up.

Yes, that's good. I got you for some reason, but can I, I need to ask a question about kidnapping insurance? It can't say I need to ask a question about kidnapping insurance. It's like, it keeps I need somebody. But is it that if a loved one gets kidnapped, the insurance company then has to give you like the amount of money that the ransomers are asking for? That's what the insurance is for.

It's not for you to go spend it. No, we do that. We do that. For ransom, yeah. Yeah, that's not good. No, I was like, you can't give people your location. People, you know, you know, when I feel like it's grace fucked up people out there, someone decided to swoop you up. But I kind of say, one way I think you can really avoid. A lot of that is, I'm sure travel is great.

And I certainly did it a little bit in my life, but like these days, give me America. You know, with all its flaws, it is home. You know, I wouldn't want to get into trouble somewhere else as bad as it can be in this country. It's still better because it's my country. Yes. And there's still a little decorum here that lots of countries don't have.

Uh-huh. I mean, it's a fucked up justice system, but it is a justice system. A lot of places don't think you even need one. Yeah. You know, people do not have perspective about America. Yeah. I don't know why I'm yelling at you.

No, take it easy, dude. Not my fault. And another thing, Tommy Lee, I don't know why you think you get off shitting on America like this. America's been pretty good to you my Greek friend. Greek, I guess you'd take it up the ass. We're men or men and sheep are scared. Oh, dude, oh my god, you just reminded me of something? I read that you registered in hotels under the name Haywood, Jablomy.

Yes, yes, that's one of the few aliases. Haywood? Jablomy. Oh yeah. Now what do you tell your kids when they ask you about that? Well, they're just used to it. It was my mom. That's your parenting advice?

It was my mom that had a fucking hard time with all of them. She's like, your mom? Yeah, she'd be dumb. What? Who is Clint Torres? And my Clint Torres? I'm like, that's me. Mom, I stay in there under that name.

But she goes, what do you have to be? You know, there's been so many other ones. Clint Torres. Clint Torres. Hey, would you blow me? Clint, she would just always be bummed because she would realize that she's calling to speak to her son, but she has to ask for some fucking jackass name.

Like, you know, did you ever see it? Whoa, another one was Peter Gozenia. Why the, who is Peter Gozinha? I was like, Mom, that's my alias. I don't like this. Did you ever see that clip? It was a real clip of a news team, I think they were in San Francisco. And they somebody played a prank on them.

It was right out of Ron Burgundy. He reads whatever's on the teleprompter. When there was a crash of a Chinese plane. And somebody put in the joke, they put in the proctor, the names of the four pilots. Oh no. The first one was we too low. Oh, I think I've seen that.

That person floating around. Yeah, Derek, it was real. They really did it. That's why it was so great. But it was also historically funny. V-bass. V-bass. Yeah.

I love when that happens. Or you get the fucking, the weather, the chick is doing something and then like the cloud formation looks like a big dick going in or here. I love when that stuff just randomly happens. It's beautiful. So you give no quarter to the super sensitive ultra woke

people who would have objections to things like this What's the question I give no what no No quarter no quarter Surely Tommy Lee you know that the third amendment is about quartering soldiers quarter You know that the third amendment is about quartering soldiers. Quarter, when he say give no quarter, I mean like give no protection, give no credence to. Oh, I knew I'd learn something here today. But, right, I'm saying it's the way of saying, you know, you give no respect to the super well, super sensitive who object to everything.

I am hoping they annoy you as much as they annoy me. Yes. I just don't care. I'm good. I fucking don't care. Right. No, trust me. You don't have to worry about this because you're right. That headline, why hasn't Motley Crew been canceled? The real headline is, you know, they can't be. If they haven't by now, it's a done deal. We've accepted them. We've made it exception.

We said, you can stay here in the condominium even though you have a cat. Which actually kind of pisses me off because now I want to even try harder. Right. It's almost an insult. I mean, yeah. Fuck. You know, I get drunk and take pictures so I dick and throw it up on the internet and that doesn't do anything either.

So I guess I'm safe. And you never did that. I never did that. I never knew. No. So what does that mean? There's a congeal here. It's not as smart, is it? No.

I mean, get that for your time. I'm sorry. Enjoy the dog meat whiting. What? Yeah. What the fuck are the tattoos at? No, what does that mean? The meaning of this is truth.

Yeah. Yeah. Put, in our language, wasn't good enough for you? You come here to America from just like the Australians, the Greeks. Invading America, taking good American jobs that American drummers could be doing. Yeah, I'm putting Japanese. And then you turn around, you can't even spell it in English. So truth. Really, that's so that is the character in what Mandarin? Japanese or Japanese. Conjuy. And why do you did you choose the Japanese? Are they especially truthful people?

truthful people? No, that word. I mean, yes, but that word is just a bit of really powerful word for me. It's just, in conscious, in constant search for the truth, what is the truth? You know what I mean? Like, it's a big one for me, and I was like, I need that. Me too. I always thought, I mean, there's so many qualities in life that we wish we had all of loyalty. You know, you can list great attributes, but at some point you do understand

for whatever reasons, evolution, revolution, there's a couple of things that are just your things. And for me, it was truth and freedom. Truth and freedom. Those are my two. Like, you know, I can't really abide Someone not being truthful. Yeah, I don't hate them for it, but like, you know, we can only be so friendly You know if I think you're not real. Yeah, and freedom, you know Never getting married that kind of stuff. It's like like there's something about it. It's not about anybody else

It's about me freedom and that's not for everybody. It's not about anybody else. It's about me, freedom. And that's not for everybody. I mean, like some people, yeah, freedom's a big one. That's the only big one. Yeah, not to say you can't be free in a marriage. Yeah, no. But it's harder. Yes, yeah.

You know, you're sharing. Well, also because if you're in any kind of relationship, the one thing above all, I think you want to be is considerate. And consider it comes from the word consider. So it really means that you're in a relationship like every day, you always have to consider what this other person is doing,

thinking, needing, feeling. Not every minute of the day, you know? They're at work, you're making waffle. You're sleeping and off, they're working, whatever it is. But that's a lot. I mean, I'm sure it's, I've done it. I'm sure it's great, but like every day to consider, I feel like I can only get through my shit in a lot of days.

Man, I hear you. I hear you. I would have this conversation all the time. My wife sleeps literally till 2 p.m. every day. I can beat that. And I think the record is 4.30. I'm like, babe, do you realize it's 4.30? Anyway, my point is, if, and I never sweat her about like, you know, God, I wish we'd wake up a little earlier and we could do some more stuff together. Right. I love that she sleeps till two, because I have, like you were saying,

I have less to consider. You know that, and I say that in a positive way, like I do what Tommy wants to do right till two o'clock And then I'm I'm ready to share the rest of my right my dad. I mean, there's no 24-7 like this There's no fucking way I could do that. There's no there's no crime to say that sharing is A form of expending energy. That sometimes I want to harbor that energy.

Quarter it. I get it. I get it. I get it. So I feel about my energy. Don't fuck with them. Yeah. Any relationship, if there would be a friend, why would it work?

It takes. Yeah. Well, there you said the magic word that when people ask, why haven't you ever got married? I always say, because people say it's work. And I'm like, what are, why was this possibly an advertisement? I don't want to want to want to. I already fucking work.

Whatever, what are the products? Would they advertise by like bragging about what work in it? Yeah. Why are toasters? You think of even a hook it up? Fucked up. Oh. You made this simple toaster.

So complicated. You have to read directions and call somebody on a phone. They're always busy. Why would be like, why I know? I don't want that toast here. No, I want this toast. Pop up on it. Oh, dude, my first house, I lived across this.

What, what do you want? No, it just seems just really beautiful. Like, I know. I'm beams of light cooking. I'm looking at that. It's almost like Jesus got here. He's our next guest. You said, like, tell me we're taking this. You're out of your way. It's almost like Jesus got here. He's our next guest.

It's always on me. We're taping Jesus. You're out of your way. You're great. But he is coming. I hate to keep Jesus waiting. But that looks awesome. Is that like,

Oh, he's not. He's not really just training. If you didn't know that thing about the gospels and, you know, and one of them, Godforth, Father, why has now forsaken me? It's a whole different song for making this into a song, right? Now it's about,

Dad, you weren't the dad, I thought you were. Oh, right, it is. You know, or why are you using me? Yeah, you know, you created these people and they fucked up and now you're sending me as a sacrifice, right? Right? That's the idea behind that. But why did the other three dudes not feel that way. They just cleaned it up, I guess. Like Jesus, you know, Jesus just, he got over it. He's like, yeah, it hurts up here.

But you know what, I'm just not going to make a thing out of it. It's family. He said, but he thought was right for me. I get it. That's, you it, it's family. He said, but he thought was right for me. I get it. That's, you know, that's a very different story to tell. Also, why doesn't anybody know what happened to Jesus between like birth and when he was 30? What happened in those years? Oh, you know, we see the birth, of course, at the Magi. You know, three wise men. And then ghost town.

So they go, then we pick up the story when he's 30. What did happen? They made it up. I'm asking you like you know. I do know. Scholars know. I know what scholars know. I've read and watched there. There's an awesome, awesome, you should watch this. It's called, from Jesus to Christ.

Whoa, what a cool title. From Jesus to Christ. It's brilliant. It's probably, it's from the 90s. I think I had it on VHS, but I'm sure you can get it. It's probably, it's from the 90s, I think I had it on VHS, but I'm sure you can get it. It's biblical scholars, not religious people, but they study religion. And they're telling you how Christianity became the religion it was. I mean, it was for, you know, at its beginning,

almost snuffed out, and there were many other religions that started around the same time. Why did this one become successful? That's what they're trying to answer. Oh, wow. How do you... I got to watch this. Yes, from Jesus to Christ.

From Jesus to Christ. It's great. And all the scholars agree about certain things, like the gospels, the Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. They were all written well after Jesus died, you know. And that's the thing, the one where Jesus is prissy is the one that happened right after the temple was destroyed in 70 AD. So the Jews were, it was like they're 9-11. So that's why that was the mood of that story.

Why have you forsaken me? Yeah, you know a lot about this stuff. I love the... I mean, compared to a real scholar, no, I don't, but I just know what they know. And it is so interesting to me, like, how did... That's a great question. How did this one religion and trust me? There are lots of other gods working around that time. And by the way, they all had the birthday of December 25th. Because that was the day after the, the three days after the winter stalsists, when they first saw that the sun was,

was higher in the sky and the days were getting longer again. Because before that they thought, oh no, life is ending and then, oh, oh god, no, no. So it was a feast day. Oh wow. So that's why they gave it to Jesus. They gave it to all the gods, you know, because it was like the big day that the pagans, they got it from the pagans. It's like life is continuing again. So that's cool life is continuing again. That's cool, that interest you that much.

I just could, I was just telling you, I just, I don't know why I just never took interest in it because I couldn't, it's so interesting. I couldn't, and a pad experience is where, I woke up on my knees, with tears running down my face, naked in front of a glass, in front of a glass, sliding glass window, crying, woke up there and went, what's happening? What got me out of bed asleep to this window on my knees in the sunlight, crying.

What did? What did? I have no idea. So I mean, I've had these experiences where something is pulled on me. You had no idea? No clue. Zero. Wow.

And I just, that's why I think about, like's why I think about like when I think about religion I just think like how you know Like whoever started it you know I don't know that I think just in general everybody's looking externally for something and to Oh, externally for something and to believe in, to fucking dump on, to help, to, to, I don't know. And I just, for me, I just, I, I, I, I just find that so false. I don't, because everything you need is right here. Like, you know, that's the part I just could never come to terms with. But I've had experiences that made me feel different.

Like, well, wait a second, what was that about? I was like, okay. That was just a fucking random sleepwalking, fucking, I don't know. But I felt something, something that I never felt before. So I've had, and I don't know what that is felt something, something that I've never felt before. So I've had, and I don't know what that is. But you pulled a lucky life, right?

Like if you're just an embryo, you're not a thing yet. Yeah. And like there's, you know, up there in heaven or whatever, they're creating lives. And I was like, you know, every once in a, you know, 29 million. We got a rock star. Right. You know, have fun. And he's good looking and he's got a big deck. And it's like, you pull the good lot.

You know what I mean? So don't you think that colors your view of, you know, like when people say that silly thing about everything happens for a reason, I always like to lecture them. That's something that affluent people can say. Everything happens for a reason. Because your life is interesting and it's varied and you go to different places and things could happen. There's a lot of people who are born in poverty and they die in grinding poverty and not

a lot happens for a reason in their world. Yeah. I don't know why I felt that was necessary to pick it up my chest, but what are we talking about? All right, I know you have to get to your big rock concert. Oh yeah. But I can't tell you how dude much fun I knew this would be and you did not disappoint. Oh, that's one second You gave me an amazing gift and You know let you go and release you back into the wild, but it was really great. Thank you Thank you. Thank you. It was a pleasure again. What a trip It was a pleasure again. What a trip.

Club. We'll do it. This is the first of many because we're very young. Yes. In spirit. Love.