Club Random with Bill Maher - William Shatner|Club Random w/Bill Maher

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

Bill and William Shatner comically riff on the last acceptable prejudice, the spectrum of human sexuality, bad crowds in comedy, the making of Religulous, and the origin of the universe. 

Some people don't get married because they don't like girls at all and some people don't get married because they like them all a lot Have you ever had a homosexual? No, why? But it's early Welcome to Club Random with Bill Marr tonight William Shatner. Hello I'm going to get out of this chair. You're not getting anywhere. I'm going to get out of this chair right in your chair like a ventriloquist. Don't mean we're going to do it. I'm sure you are. Look at that.

You've been working out. Hey, I don't know what you think this club ran to visit. Well, I'm behind a post. I'm behind a post. And I got a white light. I'm looking for dancing girls Look, look, look, look, look. I'm behind a post, and I got a white light. I'm looking for dancing girls. There's nobody here.

No, this is a bit too long. This is a ventriloquist. This is a ventriloquist, that's a bit too long. Just stick your hand up my ass, and then I, and solve the audience. You know what I'm saying? I'm so flattered, you're here. Thank you so much.

I can't believe you are at my club random. I don't really do. I'm tech-a-do. It is so old, but we basically just made what I've been partying in for 20 years. Have you really? Yeah, when I bought this house, it was owned by a movie star,

it had video games in it. No interest to me. But it was like this cool, I mean, you saw that door, he's like, Yeah. Well, the whole room is kind of antique. It's got a feel. Yeah, well, it feels like cement.

But I like that because when you're party here, you can't ruin it. So what do you mean with a party? What happens? What happens? I've never been to a Hollywood party. Oh, stop it. No, I'm serious. I've stopped it. I've never been to a Hollywood party. Oh, stop it. No, I'm serious.

I've never been to a Hollywood party. Is this a Hollywood party? When you were putting your hand up my ass, that was a Hollywood party. Well, that was comfortable. But what happens here? What do you mean what happens? What happens here when I'm not here?

This, talking to people. I mean, are you asking me have I ever had sex in this room? Of course, it's a room. But wait, you have been to a Hollywood party. Bill, how could you have avoided that? Bill, if somebody said to me, I bet there's a lot of drugs in Hollywood. I would say no, there's not. Well, I've seen only, you know.

That's different than never going to a party. I agree. If someone said to me, where do you get cocaine, I would say, I don't know, it's not 1988. I don't know anymore. How about if somebody said, come to the opening of this show? I'm going to be a, it's going to be an opening of this show. I'm inviting a lot of people.

OK. And I would go to that thing. I wouldn't know anybody there. And the reason for this is because you're... I don't know. To good for everybody. I don't think that's the answer. Well, not to.

OK. Should you wear the B? Too intellectual for the Hollywood crowd. No, because I think that's what it is. You think I've do intellectual? I do. Well, I don't even know the crowd to be superior to. I mean, when you've been on the scene for about 40 years,

I feel like it's impossible not to kind of get a knowing who you are, and you're not shy about doing something like this where we see you as a young. I love it. I love it. Right. So I feel like I know you.

Well, and me you, but I don't know you well enough. Right. Well, that's what this is for. But I know you well in looking for. Licker is always. I know you well enough to think that that's my suspicion. Because Truman Capote one's family famously said, all act is your dumb, which is generally true,

but the ones like you who are not dumb, you don't fit in with the crowd. You don't. I don't fit in with the crowd either. Neither one of us... It's your politics that doesn't fit in with the crowd. Well, my politics fits in with people who are independent thinkers.

Or is there a ruling for independent thinkers? I'm an independent thinker, so you have a ruling. I don't know. But what I mean is, people you know are not the filmmakers and the actors that preem themselves. You ride with an intellectual, politically alert group of people. Well, you should have seen me Friday night. You wouldn't say that. But look, I like the full range.

You know, I like to party here with anybody. That's really the provenance of this podcast was the idea that people kept saying to me, you know, we see this other side of you. You know, we see you all the time. You're out, you're partying, you're this kind of thing. You can't be- You love to put it on film. Yes, because I can't be that guy on real time because, you know, there's very serious people there. I hope I'm funny, but it's a kind of a different level than this.

To me, there's no greater pleasure than shooting the shit with somebody I like, really, in the heart. And that's what I do. Really? Yeah. So, what do you do it with? You had one of the guys who works for you here. I was a little early, so I sat in the chair

and his name escapes me now. Good looking guys, been with you a long time. And we were talking about making electricity and small things that do that. And I got him talking and he was talking. And the background, it's Jersey, and he had a shop and got him talking and he was talking. And the background is Jersey and he had a shop and a thing and he met and he knew you and he went with you and it was fascinating interview. Right. If that would have been the party, you know. So, and I was time to leave. I would have said to whoever I was with. Boy, I just met an interesting guy.

I think you should become a regular at Club Red. Because I think I can solve this problem. Come here. We'd love to have you. And I think you'll have a good time. It's like my mother at the end, all her problems could have been solved if she just smoked pot. She was underweight, didn't laugh enough. There was even a book called, like,

the Grandmother's Guide to Sm smoking pot, I sent her. And, you know, she was... Why did you see it to her? I see it to her. Him, mom. I think it's a little lick. It's not my grandmother. It's my mother, not my grandmother.

But she was an old lady who was a widow, who was, yes, bored, bored, not laugh enough, and weighed 90 pounds and needed to get the munchies. And if she could just, you know, done that. So I think it's very much. Would white people be doing it? I'm saying you should go to the corporate. White people are great.

I used to smoke grass. Fairly, I'm not gonna weak it. Yeah, I just smoke grass, but just come to corporate. Yes, I would love to. If that's an invitation, I accept. But talking about grass, I kind of fell out of it because it does make you think, it does give you the munchies. And I don't need munchies because I'm a foodie.

It does make you think, I don't know that's creatively, certainly, originally. I mean, you're going over stuff that you haven't thought of. You are an amazing specimen because I know your age. And you look like you could play the beefy 60-year-old- I hate that first word. Well, I think alive is a great word at 90. You know, like beefy is, that's not fat. It just means you could play that, you know, Charles Durning guy. But at 60, I'm saying you could play the part of his 60. Yeah, but why can't I be like a thin slim 60? You could play charge during the game. Bill, that parts up to you. But I'm just saying you look great. I mean, you're a fucking force of nature because, and to me, this is like

very important because I'm 66, which is certainly considered. Soldiers away from 70. I know. I feel good. You thought of that? No, Bill. You're the first one to brought up the idea. But does it occur to you all the time, or is it just all the time? Yeah. All the fucking time. And I remember an interview you did in some magazine,

like I don't know what, but it was when you, because I remember the line you said was, maybe you're on Boston legal? Trying to help you, man. I just I just don't want you floundering. This is a good show. And you flounder is not a good, good image. Well, again, hardly a show. But Boston Legal, OK.

So, and you said, and it was like Max. And one of those were like, there's a one-page thing with an iconic person. And you were like 75. He said, and you said, like, if this is what 75 feels like, I can't, I don't know what to do. But then, so 75's kind of young. You know, you're nine years old.

No, you were saying you didn't feel it at all. No, well, I understand. So, now, progress that to 15 years, 16 years later, and the prevalent emotion is, am I dying? You're not close. I mean, again. No, no, the feeling, I got it, Jesus, I'm tired. I've been, you know, I'm feeling like I'm full, I don't want to eat anywhere.

Am I dying? That thing occurs to me all the time. But you're not very wrinkled. You're like, your face is alive. You know, people just, you either look, when you see somebody, you immediately take in information that you don't even consciously know. You're not, you're not.

You're not. You're not, you're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're and you go, this person is either attractive. You know, they say, come on, you look at a man.

Or they're dying. They're handers. Or they just don't look quite right. You can't put your finger on it, but they're kind of gray. You look robust. You know, you're going to hate the words I do. You see it, I believe the word you do. Henry VIII, you know, these are good.

You know, he was a very... He was a very powerful guy, but he was like, hell and ruddy. It looked healthy. Yeah, healthy. No, I'm healthy. I am. I just got off a horse.

This morning, I spent time on a new horse. Back from space, I thought. Yeah, well, I did that, too. I have to... Oh, my God. I have to ask you about that. But I just want to say one more thing about the aging thing. It's funny. You asked to ask you about that, but I just want to say one more thing about the aging thing.

It's funny you asked me that about like, do you think about it every day? Yeah. Did you at that age? A little far younger, like, you know. Yeah. There, 25 there, 25, you're 30. You know this thing about passages, right? So you get to 30 and you're thinking, okay, it's good. Now's the time,

you're supposed to be a passage where you begin to realize your dreams of 20. And if you're not realizing your dreams of 20, are you getting disperited? Or maybe I should change what I'm doing. I'm guessing since you, were you 36-1 Star Trek hits up and like that? So I was almost the exact same age when I got politically incorrect. The sign is right behind you. I'm so old I can't turn. Yeah.

And like, for me, I don't know if I've reviewed, but like 20s, you're not quite expected to have made it yet, but when you peek into your 30s and you still haven't, that to me was the roughest time. See, and that for that. That's the same for you. Well, you're in, you're in even a more, you're in even a more ephemeral position. You're going to go up and you're going to stand in front of an audience and say, I worship two things. I worship a great voice, a great singing voice because it's just like magical.

And stand up comics. Stand up comics are stripped naked bear. When that routine is there, there are no extra words, there's no extra motion. A motion gets in the way of the left. You know exactly where you have to be and what you have to do. It's strip-bear, it's pure. A great stand-up comic is pure. Well listen, I just got back from Miami. I taped my 12th stand-up special for HBO. It's on April 15th.

I really hope you watch it because I think it'll fulfill what you want. Have a gentleman I talk to remind me. I will remind you. Because I'm going to get your number. You've already had your hand at my ass. It's a very least. And you need a little help. Speaking of that, I'm going to say.

I'm trying to hammer out the cream. No, but I was just going to say, the worst thing about you you said, like, does your thing about all the time? Because there are things that make you think of it. Like there are just things when you're older that you never used to do. OK, you want to know what makes me think of it? Right here, getting out of this fucking chair. The chair is so deep that to get out of it is a real effort.

And it's an example of how stiff your bones get and your muscles get. So I didn't want to get out to show how stiff I was. First of all, I threw myself on you and sat on you. So you wouldn't have gotten up if you wanted to. You don't. But that's not usually how I create a guess. I agree. You actually stretched a couple of muscles by sitting.

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Fucking nailed it. I recently had the experience of having to send my shit away in the mail. Have you done this? No, I've never seen your shit away. You never knew it was gonna get the whole of your shit. No, but I mean, it's just, that kind of thing that you didn't use to do. You never said you're shit away. You never knew who's going to get the whole of your shit. No, but I mean, it's just that kind of thing

that you didn't use to do. Right. Now, that makes you... It's fucked up. Because they've discovered that your bacteria of your whole gut is coming out of your shit. Well, because they need to check you, or you have to check. So I'm sending my shit away in the mail.

All right, so you've never done that, you've never done that. Well, I've heard you should. No, well, you scoop it up, and you put it in a little black. You send it away in the mail. I carry it. I don't want to. Like a doggy, man. I always think that's the worst job in the world. It's some Porsche Muck.

All day, opens up, box it, and I'm like, you're an example. I always want to put it into a mirror. I put it in diamond in one time. All day opens up box it and look at your urine example. I was going to put it into a urine plate. I put it in diamond in one time. Just so they can open up the box and you go, oh fuck, really? It's just a diamond.

No, usually it's in the book inside your body. So you swallowed your wife's Ranger shit. And it would be such a morale booster around the office because like they would think, oh well once in a while He can't come any time and Time and that would be very funny You know ava Gardner was

I'm making a box is this you know This great beauty but still she beauty. But still hot. She used to shit. Still hot, right? Well, when you see pictures of her or in a movie. Oh God. You have a mostly actresses in that era are not boner-rific. She is. She was, the rumor was, at least I read about it.

She was, got to be an alcoholic. I mean, she was really in her cups of, married Dysseventra, wouldn't you? I don't know. If you're married dissonant, I know is the rumor was every so often that she needed to. She'd squat down in a lot of hotel and pass a diamond. I mean, it's like. Oh, man, that had me going with you. Yeah, but just the picture of Ava Gardered squatting and crapping. It's just like it's like overboard.

Like, wow. Would you like to see that? You know what? I wish I was the kind of guy who could say, you know what? I'd still fuck her if she was shitting on my dick, but I get mad that guy. I mean, it's hot as she was. You don't know what shit turns me on.

You do? Well, let's... I know. I mean, period. I'll fuck you on your right. Shit turns me on. You do? Well, let's go. No. Well, I mean, period. I'll fuck you on your period, but nothing was shit. Not on my period. And not food. And not food.

People who involve food with sex are doing it right. I don't get that. I don't never got that. Never got that. You never used any sort of food. Popsicle. Well, I mean, lick anything. I lick, what, what, what, anything, edible panties? No, never, no. What's an edible panty made of? So edible is a panty. Well, that's a

very good question. Very good question. That's why you have to send that to us. Because you have too much, my dog passes rubber gloves, eats rubber gloves. So I know, and I'll pop the rubber glove. So here you are no, he's scorned. And I pops a rubber glove. So here you are, said, where does he get the glove? He picks up a glove, somebody. Well, wait, we're wearing. He got to be careful.

No, well, he's a big doberman. I don't know how to deal with that. Well, by not leaving gloves around. I know, I'm gonna have to keep him up and you. A drop of glove. I think you're an animal lover, up on you. I dropped a glove. Thank you. Are you an animal lover, Bill? Say again? Are you an animal lover?

Yeah. I mean, I'm a Peter board member since the 90s. A Peter board. Peter, the people for the ethical treatment of animals. Oh, of course. I'm a yes, yes, Peter Lou. Yes. I've made the incredible strides.

Well, you being a Peter board makes you a Peter a little overboard It is not a book so you're not an animal ever So well, I'm just asking I worship animals. Oh, well you ride horses dogs you ride dogs I again I'm citing you for several while. No, but I'm, that's my life is dogs and horses. But when you get into the question that they are into, for example, of the Mustangs in the Southwest, the question of what do you do with animals that are overgrazing is a really profound one. What do you mean overgrazing?

The grazing of the natural parks is beef, herds of whatever is there, antelope elk, whatever. Everybody is competing for the food, the nature of the grass, and along comes the mustangs, and they need their share of the grass too, and everybody starves. So what are you saying? We better, if we capture the horses and domesticated them. Well they do that a lot, but I'm sure a lot of them aren't domesticated. They catch a lot.

I mean people always say, you know, my horse, he loves it. I'm like, is your horse Mr. Ed? How the fuck do you know if your horse loves it? I mean, I know people- I understand. I understand. I understand. But it is something that you could just be, you know,

intimating because you want to believe that the horse is enjoying you right now. Yes. Yes, you have to discipline a horse into a skill. The skill I'm into around here is raining, sliding horses, moving, you know, doing a hundred and eighty degree turn, running down the full length of sliding town, turning around a, I compete on all that.

Yeah, I have a horse show. That doesn't sound like something the horse would enjoy. And yet, the horse has a skill that's been trained into it much like any other athletic being. And you say, hit that ball, hit that ball, hit that ball. I said, this is no fun. Come on, why couldn't whatatt's face hit a free throw? Why couldn't he hit a free throw?

He said, am I like Shaq? Yeah, why couldn't Shaq hit a free throw? Mental. When he took instruction, he began to hit it. You trained the horse, he goes, I slid, oh shit, I slid. You're saying he works for his money? He works for his money.

Let me ask you this. Do you, most people would say, most people like some animal, certainly pets, but they would say, well, they enhance my life with people. I don't think that alone. I'm asking. So you know, you think they... No, you know how I had my hand up your ass just now.

Eh? Did that feel good or dead? Not so good. Well, I hate to admit it. Okay, no, don't hate to admit it. Okay. No, don't hate to admit it. I admit it with enthusiasm. I loved it.

And two fingers. A chattener. But, you know, it is William Chattener doing. Okay. So, maybe the dog is doing the same thing. Hey, he's my master. He's teaching me to sit down when I say sit. But, what Bill, what I was actually asking is,

like do people would say enhances my life, whereas like I only live with dogs. You have dogs here? Of course, I've always had two dogs. And that's the perfect number by the way. It is the perfect number. They have their own, they have themselves, and they have enough for you.

Right, and when you're not there, they have a buddy, it's fantastic. Exactly, it's a good work, sir. Okay, but like, to me, they really replace having a person. I think they're better, you know, because that's sad. I thought you were gonna say you the same way. You know, well, you're not the same. Only when I have a command.

You're not mad, yes. Right now the same. Only when I have a command. You're not mad. Yes. Right now? Yeah. Oh, I didn't. I'm living with my wife. That's a whole other stuff. People normally do.

They live with their wife. What's a whole other stuff? You can say it like you're not a novel. I'm living with my wife. Well, wow. Some people in my wife's have a there, and I'm over here. Long-term marriage is going to evolve that way sometimes. I never got the marriage thing, but you know.

Why didn't you get married? Because it's stupid. I mean, because it's fucking stupid. I mean, who's happy with it? Everyone gets divorced. There's a book out now. Have you seen this? It's been reviewed everywhere.

No. It's a book where this woman shits on her husband for 250 pages. The slug line I read in the excerpt was, do I hate my husband? Oh, yeah, sure. But they stay married. Why? Why? Exactly. Because it's all about how tedious and awful marriage is. And it's like,

but again, there's divine in the title. And I'm like, where is the divine here? Where's that part? Did you never quite get to that like see, but read through that. What did she say? I've still, she's an asshole and I've said, and I don't like him. And I'm still with him. And she's still with him. In the same reason, people have pets because there's continuity. And there's this.

That's that. That's that. Welcome. And that's codependency, right? I mean, she talks about this guy. Everything about him is super grating, which I understand, but he's always clearing his throat. So my flammie husband, you know,

and really, she goes into such detail, she compares him to a pile of laundry at one point. Oh my God. In the morning before you had his coffee, he's smelly, inert, and barely sentient. You know, it's just what he's a pussy, like when he has a little acre pain, you never hear the end of it.

And then, and other times, I remember that handsome professor and still think I married to him, it's like, okay, but like, is it worth waiting through all this to get to that one of your moments? Will you be a spark of it, you've been married? It sounds like 15 years, they have like two. Like 15, so she's like that. She's still from two kids.

Yeah, it's two kids. Comparatively young. Yes, I would say from the picture, I have like two. Like 15. So she's like that. She's still from two kids. Comparatively young. Yes, I would say from the picture, I would say 40. So does she feel, do you think in the reading of the book, does she feel that she could find do do better if she went out there? It's so, that's what's, that's what I'm saying. What is the point of this? She goes on and on and on about the things that I, when you ask me that question, why didn't you ever get married? Read this. See, read it clearly. If you read this, what everyone says,

of course, why would you have long of you lived with somebody in your life? Okay, I live with someone once for, oh God, that was a long time ago, like, oh, I don't know, a year. And then, and that was another year. Yes, I think twice I live with someone for a year. And then... I'm not my thing. And then what, a week a day a month? And then it ended. But now, a week a day a month?

What do you mean? Living with or... I'm not living with anyone. I'm living with Chico and Chula. Okay, so nobody is in your bed at night. So you wake up as either of them in the morning? You're gonna say that. Well, so is that one night or 10 nights?

Oh, mom. No, tell me. Don't give me mom. What is the continuity in your life, other than going on stage and being funny? Let's say that's the continuity in my life. That's the continuity that I need. I mean, you know, I've always been married

to my career. I mean, any woman would always have to be a mistress to that. I mean, that's just the way it is. I think I was hurt when I was in high school by, you know, dumped by my first high school girlfriend. And I think at that moment, something in me went, don't ever put your eggs in that basket for happiness. Yeah. Make career the thing. Okay, go to earlier, your mom was alone, your dad had died?

Well, yeah, my mother was a widow for 15 years. For 15 years? Yeah. How long had she been married? 41. So you left really early, you left home really early. Why do you say, no, I left home the normal time to go to college after that?

2018. Yeah. You were 18 left home. Yeah. Did you ever go back? No. See. I mean to visit.

Yeah, but you said, I'm now, you earned your money, you paid me. I had a lot of pride. I mean, starting out as a comic, you make no money, so I sold pot. I literally still had the money I had from cutting lawns and traveling driveways. It's a kid that I saved.

But you know, I had. I was developing a movie. And one of the big scenes was the comic's agent and the father of a girl he loved, there was a party. And in the party were all the comics. There were a lot of comics. So the camera passing by, we'd catch laugh lines of some guy. Take my wife, please, and then you'd go on. So I interviewed a lot of comics. Yeah. I must have ordered. I had a job. How old am I? At the time.

How old were you at this moment? First about 15 years ago. So recently. Yeah, very recently. And I still have the screenplay, it's a wonderful screenplay. And so the camera, that's my camera, comics. So I interviewed a lot of young comics. And I got a sense of what you were going through

did when you were a kid. And the underground that I don't know whether it still exists, but that underground comedy store where you'd get a few hundred dollars, a hundred dollars, and they'd come in their car and they'd make sleep in their car and they'd drive to the next gig. We didn't make a hundred. We made three. We got cab fare. We had to hundred dollars. We got cab fare. We got $100. We never.

No kidding. Yes, and it wasn't underground, but it was the the showcase clubs. Yes, that's where I started. That's where every comic started in the last 40 years after I mean the cat skills was. Well, I think it's different. Yes, I'm saying that was that era. In the 60s, late 60s and moved, well, the Improv and New York was the first. That was 1962, 60 years ago. And that was the first showcase club.

That took over from the Catskills as the place where a young comic would be bad, as they say. And we all were. I started in like 79, 80, okay, that was a big, you know, it would become a big thing by then. There was too many. The underground. It wasn't the underground. There were, there were, there were,

there were the, there were the, there were showcase clubs. There were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were,

there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there were, there was giving you stage time and you needed that. You needed a place where you could not be great. So that was the deal. So you got no money. Okay, so tell me because I have on occasion been on stage where it's failing and it's like the end of the world. I mean, you're just... With comedy? Yeah, you mean like a joke that doesn't land in a script? Right, but it goes on. I mean, you would go on to, to, to, it's not working for a length of time. It isn't one joke. It's like, oh, yeah, you know, like a play. Well, like a play. But in your case, the set isn't working. Nobody's laughing because of something. Either your material is bad. Where you are, you're, you're, but that, I mean, yes, that is the nightmare that is your first five years. That's what I'm talking about.

But after that, how do you survive that? If you do, it's like more. If you survive the barrage, you know, yes, you're good to go at a certain point. How do you survive? Get off the stage. God, you smell. That's terrible. Get a moddy.

Or just, or they bring that up, look. Feel that they hate you. Just, you know, you feel it. Yeah, it's not as heckling, just, it's silence. Yeah. And it's contempt or pity. Pity, when you feel people pity you. Those are the kind ones.

And also I made it worse because, you know, I would lash back out at them sometimes. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I made it worse because, you know, I would lash back out at them sometimes. I was, like, you're angry. Yes, well, you're angry. Yes, and you're angry. Okay, I've come to the, what were you angry at? You're angry that the joke is a gift that you are giving the audience.

Right, right. And they don't get it. So you're like, I gave you this beautiful gift. Right. And you fucking morons flew right over your head. You fucking asshole. You fucking asked hold. You don't say fuck you. Okay.

That's what you really want to say. And unfortunately when I was young, I said exactly that. I wish I could have couched this and served something. So how do you survive that? I mean, that's what survival of the fittest means. You know, you have what it takes to take, take the fucking blows and do it your way.

But of course, what was happening is your material wasn't good enough. It wasn't your delivery, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't funny. It, correct. It was both. Sometimes the audience was, no, no. You can't blame the audience.

Yes, you can. No, you can. Well, I can. And I do. Because it's easier. No. No. No, no, you can't blame the audience. Yes, you can. No, you can. Well, I can. And I do. Because it's easier, because instead of blaming yourself. No, because some audiences are good, and some audiences are bad. Just the way some people are stupid, and some people are stupid. That isn't so.

But, but, but, but, wait a minute, let me get to my point. If they don't laugh, it's not them, it's your joke. It's both Bill. Okay, we'll agree to disagree, but I'm telling you as a committee in a 40 years. I think most comics would say the same thing. There are audiences where no, I'm sorry, it is them because we've done the same joke a hundred times. That's right. That's right. It's universal. And other audience is. So something happened. But why do the audiences, a hundred audiences, found it funny and there's one

audience. Well maybe we're talking about two different stages. The stage that we're talking about, the period of time we're talking about, is like that five year conditioning time. No, I'm admitting when you're, especially when you're starting, yes, a lot of the reason why you are not well received is because you don't deserve to be,

because yes, you're an audience. That's right. You're a material is juvenile, you're, your audience, your material is juvenile. You're just starting out, you're trying to just find something to get that oxygen of laughter on stage every 15 seconds, and you do a lot of stupid things and say a lot of bad jokes. But at a certain point, I'm telling you,

there is such a thing as a bad audience. When does it evolve? When does the, a lot of the comics I talk to, I said, I didn't know what to be a comic. Well, I could make my high school friends laugh, add a party, and I would tell them funny things, and they would laugh, hey, I could make, I could be a comic.

That's generally the story. Is that not your story? Well, I knew I wanted to be a comedian when I was, I would say, less than 10 years old. Were you making people laugh at nine? I was, like family parties. Yes. And I do think back at this one teacher I had, this English teacher, now I think back, he must, I think he was super gay.

And I just, I was a kid, I didn't understand. Did he have his hand up your ass? Not in the way you did, Bill. And I just, I was a kid, I didn't understand. Did he have his hand up your ass? He peed. Not in the way you did, Bill. But he was good. But he picked me to like beat, there was a talent show senior year in high school. And he said, you know, you should emcee that.

And that's fact that somebody, somebody in this world like without me ever saying it to anybody else, recognized it and said, you should do that. I think was a big boost because they're like, okay, maybe I'm not crazy, and it's not just in my mind, this teacher who I have no idea the game was playing. Did you hear her in life? No, I didn't have those thoughts.

Because I didn't have those thoughts. When I was good in a play, I didn't think, oh, that's a... I don't know. I just, I was destined to do, to be an actor. I never thought of doing anything else. Right. There you go.

No, I'm saying I never did either. I mean, you just went walking along and you made a joke and then made two. You know, it's something, and also what makes an actor. So good. It's just like, there's something we can't quantify, describe. We just like to watch you on the screen. We do. I mean, look at your career. You never ever stopped working. You went from one series to the next, movies, people, just wherever they just,

some people just have that factor. I know, and just want to be around you. That's fantastic. But for you, fantastic, for you. I don't know about you. Some other shmuck would even get a shmuck back, being it was, when did you become political? When did, what was his name?

My father was a newsman. My father was radio news, so I was always in my house. So he was on radio as well, you know? You know, back in the days when every radio station had news at the top of the tower. And he was one of the, there was just staff and answers. You know, you remember this, era? Yes, of course.

And I remember once a year like we'd go into a daddy's office and I'd meet all the other announcers and they would scare the shit Enemy because they had these booming Daddy that was my that was you know, so I grew up steeped in it because The you know he was a news guy and so my parents were hip, you know, but it's one of the people in the anchor order to read the news. Another to make editorial comment that is almost a death drive. I definitely knew what their politics were. They were, you know, liberal Democrats, especially for the time we lived in. They were outliers to most people, I think.

Well, they weren't fucking the weathermen, but, you know, they were concerned about the liberal, the old school liberal values that I think I still hold, and I feel like came directly through them to me. But you more don't suffer fools. They can have a different opinion of whether there should be more or less taxes, but it's the fools that you don't abide by. No, I hate fool. Well, who has, especially Bill, when we get older, we get, let's be honest, less patient,

especially with stupidity and fools and people away start talking because we could be reading. If you're not interesting, I don't mean you in particular, but I can be reading and having a good time, you know, right? You read a lot at home, though. Oh, no, I hate reading. I watch TV. I mean, I'm going to be reading. Reading, you mean slow TVs, books. Okay, so time to read an ad.

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or there was a delay? Right, I mean I must tell you, I hate to be like the, now I have to like, oh God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but because I try to not, I mean as you can see by this, this is not the way you normally are. You're interviewed by a person. But I have to say, I have to ask one question that is like the same question that a fucking like twink on the local news or anyone would ask you, but once in a while they stumble upon something that I also would find I have to ask, it's so cliche, but I am curious like, did that actually change you when you go

up and- And don't fucking bullshit me. No, I won't. Okay. So really- The reason- the reason what I did inadvertently against everything that I thought, because I was- we went to a blue origin a year before it was even thought of. Jason Erleck, who's a friend of ours, Jason said, you know, you should go up in that blue

origin thinking, I don't like up there. It's a lot of... Oh, Basel's didn't ask you? Himself? Not originally. So we went, it sold, you know, we shatter up there, okay, come up to Seattle and, and talked to us about it. So Jason and I went up to Seattle, went into the lobby, in the lobby is all Star Trek. It's the ship,

the original ship is under a glass dome, and there was Jeff. And how do you do? You know, Jeff Bezos, you know, he's a cool guy. I love him. I really can't say. He's a guy. I was able to interview him. It's very much like we're doing now. Right. And get stories from him.

He gets down. I mean, you know, he's not a crazy man, but like, he's not stuffy. No, he listens to you. Yeah. Like some people at that level, like you don't feel like you're ever really connected Exactly. He's like looking at you. He's laughing. Yeah, if you say something good He like oh, I got to remember that right my my phone

You know he's he's thrilled with life. He fucking loves his girl and yeah The girl loves him. Yes, they seem to be very much in love I mean it's nice to be around people like that are happy Yeah, I mean if you couldn't be happy with everything he has, then you're just an asshole. Well, I don't know about that, but that's not. Well, come on. If you have everything in you.

No, man, that isn't happiness. No, but I'm saying happiness is this. This is happiness. Right. No, but you're sitting in your chair. Right. You're going to smoke a doobie. Oh, no, it's going to be glory.

This is a clove cigarette bullshit. Oh, no, it's gonna be great. This is a clove cigarette bullshit. Oh, Bill, please. I'm well known. Is it against the law? Well known clove cigarette stalker. Right, you have to, you really have not. It's one of the following. A clove and hoofed cigarette.

Following my career. It's called the as I would like. In a do-y, whatever it is, you're having a good time. This is happiness. You're right. I said that to my community. I love it. I love it. I've admired you for so long. And I you. And here we are talking. Thank you so much. I got T. You got a close cigarette.

I've got, Frank 1942. That's what helps me. 1942. Relax. It's liquor. What, what, bourbon? you don't know what 1942 is? What have you never been to a party? That's why I've never been to a party. Oh, you know, speaking of Star Trek, I got to tell you, there's a guy in the Biden administration. I think his name is, I'll forget it, I'll fuck up his name

because I'm smoking a clothes cigarette. But he is very learned, he's got two degrees, nuclear physics, I think. He is in the energy department in charge of nuclear waste, disposing our nuclear waste. I love to talk to him. Let me finish. No, he sounds like a great question. Maybe I should talk to them. Let me finish. No, it sounds like a great- Maybe I should talk to them.

Let me tell you who we is. Okay, so he was also an advisor in the Trump years, but he was not in the administration. Now Biden is bringing him into the administration. He is an out transgender. He goes by they, there are many pictures of him in a dress, I mean a full on dress. And he does something with his partner called pup play, something with animal suits.

And also this is his quote. He said also part of their pup play, pup play like puppy. Like scrambling around like puppy? I... Bill, you could put your hand up my ass. Where does he do? That's me about pup. Where does he get to?

I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Among the things that they do, he and his partner. And I say they, meaning him and the other person, the day works in both instances here. What they do is he, I guess it's some sort of domination thing, ties his partner up. He said this as a table and eats dinner off him while he's dinner off him.

Ties his partner up as a table and he's dinner off him while they watch Darttree. I am not making you could Google it. And he's, he's, he's, I high up in the department. Well, he's the person who's in charge of disposing, and he's closing the blue. So he'd be, no, he's probably interesting. Talk about what's happening charge of disposing the nuclear way. So he'd be incredibly interesting. Talk about what's happening in... Yes, and you mean? No, he's MIT, he's a brilliant guy who's completely...

And you never wondered what they get off on the mobile. I'm not saying he's not qualified for the job, he is. He's dinner off his part. Or while they watch the train. But that's humiliating, right? That's humiliating. There's some... Why is that a kink for people? Isn't my question.

Right. How do you love somebody you want to humiliate? That's my question. People are always doing things which, like, to us, which count us as the same, are counterintuitive. Like, how come, you know, the old joke about the sadists and the masochists, they're in bed together, and the masochists says, hurt me.

And the sadist says, no, right. Well, you see, that was, you brought me back to 1980. Where the audience didn't laugh? Just was, no, but I was ahead. I was, I was, I was, in that instant, I guess what he was going to say. Jeff. See, that's what I was saying.

That's why I said at the beginning of this, you're too smart for the Hollywood crowd. You know the joke before they say it, so you're not going to say, oh, that was like, the last person I told that to, I had to explain it. Ah! Ah! That's what I mean.

All types come here to Club Racket Bell. Brothers, you hold my hand when I come. That's a remarkable thing. I've often wondered about what we think of a strange behavior. How it satisfies. What is the status of it? Oh, the kinks that people have. There are men with small penises,

God pity them, who their kink is to have the woman like make fun of it. I guess it's making the best of a bad situation because you got a small dick. I mean, what are you going to pretend it's a big dick? No, you're going to, but that's that they want the woman to like just make fun of your tiny cock, your little button cock, that's a thing. I, it's the human behavior like that puzzles me.

No. Of course, I can't relate to that at all. No, but your behavior of not having a permanent or semi-permanent relationship goes against society. I've had serious relationships. Yeah, but for as most a year, right? No, that's the most lived with someone. I've had relationships that were, you know,

three, five years. Where you went out with them. Were you with them? Absolutely. Excuse me. Yes, I was never a cheater. Because a cheater is a liar, and I'm not a liar. I have many flaws, but I'm not a liar.

So how lost are people, generally, by the time they... You got, like, four more years. Before I'm 70, Bryce. We've established that bill. Yes. But it's obvious. You know, I know, and you'll be 94. I'm going to say you're always going to be ahead of me. So I mean, you're talking about it.

Like, I'm going to be catching up to you, but it's never going to happen. No, I obviously, when you get to, I'm officially a senior citizen, as are you, ageism becomes, at least it has for me, become an issue. When I, something I've certainly talked a lot about on my show as an issue, last sort of prejudice that you are allowed to have in this country is ageism. We are a country, I think, very unique about this.

Other countries in the world, most countries, I don't quite know. Well, other countries venerate old people. Yeah. For good reason, because we understand as the tradeoff that you were just sort of alluding to, you're beautiful when you're young, you're passionate at the beginning of the relationship,

and then it switches out. Now, that passion one, you can choose not to or indulge in or do, but the one about aging you can't choose that's going to happen You're going to be less beautiful and unless you're a complete fucking ninkam put you're going to be more wise as you get older And that's why we'll older people again are venerated in most countries in the world You know, but this is the only... Do you feel a wiser being... Of course. Don't you?

No. Oh, stop it. You're not a wiser than you were when you were 36. I don't know. I don't know anything. I... Oh, stop. If somebody asked me for advice, I would say,

I don't know what to do. I don't know. I can't give you advice, because I don't know. What I would do is not what you would do. I'm going to give you some advice. You need to go to a psychiatrist because if you think you've never been to a party or that you are not wise and don't have advice to give, I think you're blocking things out.

No, it's not that. It's that realizing that nobody knows anything. Well, that relatively yes. No, absolutely yes. No, no, no. Relatively a little bit. Absolutely yes. Not now. No. Relatively a little bit. Absolutely.

Nobody knows anything. OK. Do you know not to put your hand on a hot stove? Then you learn something. And that is repeated throughout life. That you know what about that guy who said hurt me? And the guy said no. He would enjoy putting his hand on the stove

and he might say to you, you know, I enjoy putting my hand on the stove, should I? And you would say, that's ridiculous, but he says, but I enjoy it. How do you know what's better for him or her? Oh, that is such a heavy... Is that up to you? It's not up to you. It's just like so hippie, dippy. I know lots of shit, and by the way, lots of people do solicit me for advice, and I'm happy

to give it. But it's what a responsibility that I know. That is. Well, what do they say? I give you an example. One when I know mid-twenties. You said to me, I ran away from home when I was 18. I said, you can't run away from home when you're 18 because you're asked if it's supposed

to be out of the house when you're 18. But what if the wings aren't strong enough? Well, they should be by 18. Well, it should be. Who should? Every child. Who said should? That's a razor child.

See? See, you're going by razor child, should, and there's no should in raising. How do you know? You've never raised a child. See, see, you're going by raise your child, should, and there's no should in raising. How do you know? You've never raised a child. Where'd you get this shit? Canada? Vancouver's. It's just like a Canadian way of looking at things.

I mean, I know, I see, look at this. I'm finding out so much about you. I've got to tell you. As I say it, I realize I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm gonna say. Yes. Yeah, you may be right. I may be right.

I was so curious about you. I wanted to know more about you and you. What a great beginning, we've been. Oh, lovely. Like, is an amazing to sort of know somebody. I mean, I remember you doing my old show at the Playboy Mansion. Do you remember that? I believe I do.

It was a ill-guided concept to like, you know what it was. Remember back in the day when TV had sweeps month? Yeah. You don't have sweeps month? Of course. I don't think so because like who watches TV? It's all in streaming and, you know, everything else.

So, but like the month of February, May and November is when they would take the rating. So they would like pump up every show with, you know, special episode. So we had to like do something special on those months or at least once a year. And so we go to the play, we'll shoot at the playboy match in for a week. By the way, half what really just he died at just the right time because he would have been me too real bad these days. He even had death coming out. They've come after him now.

Right. But like he went like right before 2017, right? Like the one the way he was. Yeah, some fucking timing. Anyway. Did you know Kevin Burns? Big heavy set guy kind of a... Burns and Charter.

A beefy guy. He was about three or four. Kevin, you couldn't have missed him. He was a... Kevin Burns was the producer of the show and became very friendly. Of what show? Of midnight thing at the Playboy.

Playboy after dark? After dark. The old one? Oh, wow. And he was, he'd go to the movies all the time. Did you do any of that? Do what? It's good.

He focused on the flame. Look at the flame. Go to those parties at the... Playboy mansion. Oh yes. Peace there a lot. I was there a lot. I mean people thought I lived there, which was preposterous, but they had five big parties

a year. They had the mid-Summer night's dream party in the summer, and that was famous to the lingerie. I mean everybody in the cave. Remember the cave and the pool and the cave You mean the grotto the grotto, yeah, I thought you were never at a party I don't know about the cave. What cuz I was there doing things. I was there working working yeah Well, you know I was an actor. I was I wasn't there in a party was that the alien aliens landed in the grotto

What scene was that? The alien's landed in the grotto? It was work. TJ Hooker bus whenever I was in my moments of being single. I never ended up there. And I don't know why. Those girls, the playboy bunny. Well, not bunnies. Bunnies are different.

Bunnies worked in the clubs. Okay, they were no girls. The playmates is the word you're excuse me. Boy, I got to get you a Canadian to party dictionary because you are a lackey. Did you go to the play? Okay, so I said there was five big parties a year. There was a Halloween party. It's been like a million dollars on like all sorts of scary shit and houses and then there was a new your same parties go there any guys rest and puppies. No, it was just a whole heterosexual fest and I would go to all the parties. You know, there would be invitations and you'd go other than that I would then believe it the playboy. Well, you're lying on the floor. Yeah, it's a colligula. Colligula.

Colligula. It's coming out of various offices. Yeah, it's colligula like stuff. Yeah, really? Well, yeah. But you sound like you've always been a guy who wanted a monogamous, serious relationship. Am I wrong? No, I'm a guy who wanted to go to a Playboy party and had him anogamous. What about that green chick you just... Tell me you didn't get some of that when filming ended for that. That stuff rubbed off. Was that, you remember like what time of the day you shot that scene?

Because like I know actors would say, it was like eight in the morning and her tongue was in my mouth. No. No, I don't remember that. But there have been some beautiful women over the years. Oh, wow. Oh. And yet even then, long before the Me Too thing, there's something that's causing my eyes to cross.

There is a spider like right here. Do you see it? There's something. A spider? Floating. Do you see something in the end? No, but I've seen spiders around. It's making a difference.

Right. So I'll just make a quick look. But you know, when you start seeing the spider's bill, well, I get to say, you know, I'm the one with the globe cigarette. But we were talking about Bakonal. Yeah. I didn't know the definition of word Bakon. Were the word Bakon?

It's probably a town. Oh, it's not a black town. It's Roman. Yeah. It's the Roman, you know, it's the sadger town. The Greeks didn't have the word Bakonal? No, I think that's a lot in word, but the Greeks certainly had Bakonal. Whoa, I mean, and much gayer.

I mean, what we would call, now we would call gay. They just saw it as putting your dick in my ass. I mean, that was not like, that was interesting and tickling. Have you ever had a homosexual experience? No, why are you? It was not like that was interesting and check what you ever had a homosexual experience. No. Why are you? But it's early. We are at Club Randa.

At least. Do you know ever homosexual experience? No. Ever been fond of a guy? No. Never been like looked at the... Well, what do you mean that way? Have you ever looked at a guy and said that guy's attracted?

No, I have never looked at a beefy guy and said, that guy's beefy tractor. I am... Look, maybe it's just my generation or whatever, I am really... Do not have a gay bone in my body. I am a very heterosexual. Somebody is a gay bone in your body.

I'm a very heterosexual guy. I'm a flaming heterosexual. Always have been... You know, I mean, it's like, why just some, you ask, why don't you ever get married? Because I like girls. That's the reason. I mean, like, some people don't get married

because they don't like girls at all. And some people don't get married because they like them all a lot. That's it. So, like, no, the idea, I mean, I'm a little homophobic in that, like, I don't, you know, I don't want to be touched by men, except you. In my ass. There's no danger there, you know? Yeah, no, exactly. And, you know, there's a range of sexuality, which I think we all recognize nowadays. I mean, there's heterosexuals and there's certainly homosexuals and people who trans and

we all want to respect and we do respect them all. But the majority of people are still, it looks to me like heterosexual people, you know? I remember in my, I made religious, I tried to buy this song for one of the scenes with this. That was a great move. Oh, thank you. I think that was so. Thank you.

Yeah, I love, I'm glad I got the chance to make finally walk around with a camera. Yeah. You can talk about religious. Yeah, and interview these people. And I wanted to song, I think it was by Wayne Fontaine and the Mindbenders. And it was like, the purpose of a man

is to love the woman and the purpose of a woman. You remember this song? No. No. Maybe. You're a take. Somebody really, you know, somebody really missed a trick

by not putting you in more comedies as you got older like they did with Dineiro. Because you have like that impeccable, dry Canadian, I mean that take, no. I mean, there's a few people can hit it like that. I wanted to. And it's not too late. Right, you know. I've done a lot of comedy in my time. and hit it like that. And it's not too late. For right.

You know? I've done a lot of comedy at my time. Yeah, but they should have a franchise for you, like Bad Grandpa, or something like that, where you could do those kind of... I can't tell you how much I hate being 90. Yeah, I... I think it starts at the oldest man in space.

I'm like, why are they saying old? I went into space, I was courageous. I put it in, I had an experience, and I are they saying, oh, I went into space, I was courageous, I put it in, and I had an experience and I didn't know that. But why are they saying to get back to my theme about ageism than I was saying, like this is something I try, an issue I try to raise, the last prejudice allowed. It's like people, it's annoying, that don't understand that especially as we get age, your mileage may vary. They act like everybody over 50 is in great decline.

Many are because as America, we are just not a healthy country to begin. We don't do healthy things, we don't live healthy. But obviously, it just depends. This could be 90, This can be 66. Or I know people who are 45 and are fucking old. You know, it depends on how you live as an individual. I am sick and tired of that.

Like you're 90, but that's, see, this is, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I could, I'll be happy if I couldn't get out of the chair in two seconds when I'm 90. If I'm even just here, and I can sit here, and like, not know what, like if I didn't know how old you were, it would never cross my mind. Like I said, when you look at somebody's face, it immediately you go, oh, I want to fuck them,

or they don't look healthy. Like this, it wouldn't enter my mind. That's as much as you can ask for, is that we just had this conversation, there's no one second where I was like, oh boy, he's lost his step. Thank you. So don't be that upset about it.

I know this comes to mind. So if I was 90, I'd be a shitting my pants. Right. But be sending it off to the sake of the examine. I've talked to me. Talk to me. You know, we've been here a while, the sake of the examine. I've talked to me. You know, we've been here a while and I know the time. I don't know if you have a time. I have to because it's somehow this, which has been

such a fucking amazing experience. Somehow it's also a show. I have to. But we'll do it again. But you'll edit. We'll do it again. No, no editing. No editing.

I wouldn't take one second out of this. All right, because then what the subject I want to talk to you about, if you have to bring this to an end, you bring it to an end. But the subject I would love to talk to you about is the religious thing you did. Be being it, you say an atheist, but you really mean, you don't mean an atheist doesn't believe it anything. You believe in the mystery. Well, God is wise, God is what an atheist is.

An atheist is just as Richard Dawkins, the most famous atheist, says, like everybody else, there was all these gods, the Roman gods, the Greek gods, many gods in history. You all eliminated all of them. I just go one further. I just also eliminate the last one. And he says, even on a scale of one to seven,

one being utter certainty, even on a scale of one to seven, one being, utter certainty, there's a God, seven being, utter certainty, there isn't. He says, I'm a 6.9. I would say that's my position, too. Utters certainty, no. We can't have that about anything. He says, there could be a spaghetti monster

between here and Alpha Centauri. There could be anything. I don't know. I always say I'm an apathias. I combine apathy and atheism. I don't know and I don't care. Well, but you can't. But you can't consider the apathy

because you passionately went out with a camera to examine religious. Because I'm a comedian, because when I pitched the movie with Larry Charles, the brilliant Larry Charles, who directed it, I said, look, religion, comedy, it's hitting the side of a barn and no one's done it. If you can't make hay out of a man lived inside of a whale and a talking snake in the room, I mean, come on.

That's mostly what my interest in it was. All right, but they took you seriously. But personally, I don't care. I don't care if there's a God, because I'll never know. And I'm going to live the same way. Unless he'd like, actually came down or hit me with a bolt of lightning or stuck your head up my ass.

But then you're still forced to contemplate the questions, the eternal questions. And you don't have any answers. Well, I don't have that. You're not forced to contemplate them. What's going to happen is that they're going to enter your mind, and then you're going to go, I don't know.

Yes, you know it could really make your head hurt Bill? If you think about, I mean, the universe we think we know from physicists is 14 billion years old, right? No. Yes. That's the last point of light. That's that that's when the Big Bang theory happened. 14 billion years ago. The the the Hubble telescope has seen a constellation 13.8 billion years away. Right. Right. Right. Okay. So billion years away. Right. That's not yours. Okay, so wait a minute.

What you're seeing is the photon of light. Yes. 13.8 billion light years ago. Right. That constellation has gone somewhere in that time. Yeah. Well, my point was going to be, yes, the big bang theory happens at this point. Except it's expanding.

Okay, so if you really want to make your brain hurt, you would ask the question, first of all, why, like, why is there anything? And if there was not anything, and why is there a universe at all? And if there is not anything, isn't that something? These are questions that just make your brain hurt. So I don't deal with them. Like, I deal with, oh, shit, I need ice. You know, I mean, I don't want to be that deep.

You know, I just can't go there with you. I can't. It's said that it leads. I'm not going to know in my life. Sometimes it leaves them. What you asked, if I came back with anything, because I believe I'm sort of in you. I'm sort of in for getting me back to that. I mean, you never heard the end of that.

I'm in your cage. I mean, you're man came. I'm there, because that's the way, basically, I feel, except that. You said string theory, so that involves entanglement and that involves vibration and that involves being able to perhaps make things vibrate that gives you a parking spot at the restaurant you're going to go to a guy pulls out, you pull in. I'm not feeling you're like Johnny Carson. You know this shit a lot more in depth than the average person.

This almost is to you like what I am with politics. I mean I know my shit inside out. It's so nice to be able to have this conversation here with you because my show, I mean, let's be honest, it's for like DC insider types. You know, it's a political debate show mostly. I mean, asking the average person or even a celebrity to do that panel is like asking someone to just suit up and play for the lake. Like the reason.

But this, like, I can find it dangerous. Yes. But like, I have a feeling the way I am with that, you are with science. I mean, because you're saying these things, and I'm like, oh, I'm vaguely, but I'll never understand. It's like, I just trust you. I trust the people, you and Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Yeah. And the other people, if you ask me about the Big Bang Theory, I'd be like, it's the most preposterous thing in the world that all the universe could have fit into something very small and then exploded. But like, I get it that they have ways of knowing this that I don't. And I submit, like, your smarter about this, I yield, you know? You know, it's a theory. It's a theory, but like, it seems to be one they have coalesced around.

Well, it's a big thing. Really, you think it's controversial? Is it into science repeatable? Absolutely, yes. It's the definition of science. Yes, no. So repeat the big thing. And always up to be disproved.

That's why it's different from religion. And better, because we can disprove it. So the big thing is somebody's idea of what happened, and there's all kinds of reason to think it happened, but maybe it didn't. It's not repeatable. The mysteries of why our universe seems to be expanding, because what we can see is like why is it expanding? If only there was someone who could go where no man has gone before.

Or God where many men. More men. Anyway, thank you. All right, thank you. This has been extravagant. I don't know. Watch me get out. Watch me get out of this chair.

Since you're so reluctant to get out of this chair and since you were such an amazing guest and since I have loved you for so long, I'm sorry. You can't go down. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Get your hands up and make it. You had no trouble getting in at this chair. No, you're not a confident problem. And I'm telling you, you've been to parties. Oh, yeah. Come in.