Crime in Sports - #115 - Hitting A Bullseye With A Hammer - The Shiftlessness of Chris Mason

Episode Date: May 7, 2018

This week, we are confronted with pint glasses full of crazy, as we delve into a sport that we've never covered before, and a man who is truly what Crime In Sports is all about... Ego, self-destruction & and the complete disregard for others. This guy has it all. Multiple assaults, culminating in a 3 man hammer & bat attack, for the silliest reason imaginable, and that's just part of the fun within!!Call drinking at the pub "going to work", leave your pregnant wife & be publicly shamed for it, and attack a virtual stranger for his opinion about a friend's dog with Chris "Mace The Ace" Mason!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanDonate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.comGo to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!Go to mvmt.com/crimeinsports for an incredible watch, at an even better price, including 15% of your purchase & FREE shipping!Contact us on...twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/crimeinsports   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's streaming. You can say anything. It's an all-new season. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay, yay, indeed. My name is James Petragallo.

I'm here with my co-host. I am Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us on another action-packed crazy adventure that we like to call Crime in Sports. Ridiculous. Thank you guys so much. Thank you to everybody, whether you're Crime in Sports or a small-town murder listener, for coming out to all the live shows. Unbelievable. You can do this sport in your basement. Okay. You can do this sport in your basement.

You can do this sport anywhere you want to do it. It's one of those sports where it's not really a fucking sport. Don't tell me it is. There's going to be people going, oh, it's kind of a, nope, not a sport. You can play it drunk. You can play it if you weigh 400 pounds as we've seen people and not like in an athletic offensive lineman way. And a guy where you're like, ooh, he doesn't look well. Like a bowler?

He's a champ. Worse than bowling. Okay. Worse than bowling. We're getting into darts this week. What the fuck? Darts. Professional darts.

Okay. I'm on board. I'm listening. In the UK, it's a big deal. Really? It's a big deal. It's on regular television. Over here, I remember for a while they would have darts on.

I never once watched it. But I remember they would have it on at like 3 in the morning our time on like ESPN 7. I've watched it. I don't know. I can't figure out what they're trying to accomplish when they're doing it. They make a big deal. They'll have pyro going off. Really?

Oh, they made a big deal out of it for a while where they'd have pyro going off and flames and shit. And some middle-aged dumpy dude would walk out with like three hot girls on each arm. The entrance. The entrance. Like it was a goddamn, like they were a professional boxer. I thought you meant there was pyro while he's throwing his fucking darts. Boom, boom, boom. It's more challenging this way.

Still flinging the thing. That's a way to mix it up. Wait till you hear this. Guys literally are like dominant champions while they're drunk. And I'm not even shitting. They're like, they used to be able to. At one point, they outlawed drinking during competition. You used to be.

It's the only professional sport I've ever heard of where you used to be able to drink while you're playing it. You used to be, it's the only professional sport I've ever heard of where you used to be able to drink while you're playing it. Even in bowling, you didn't see the guys go pour from a pitcher and then go out and try to pick up a fucking 8-10 spare. You ever seen an asshole in a bar taking darts away too serious? Oh, yes, absolutely. And that's these guys, and they make a living off of it. So imagine how seriously they take it. In bars here, though, now they have the plastic tips, so they have like the... So they're less weaponized.

Right, they're dotted. Because people walk by, and some drunk asshole throws a dart into the side of somebody's fucking head. Plus, you can't have drunks flinging sharp objects around a room at each other. That's not great, in a sporting atmosphere or not. But yeah, this is a crazy thing. It's so weird, too, because we've all played darts. This is one of those things where we've all thrown darts. You know what I mean? We've all tried to hit the bullseye and all that a crazy thing. It's so weird, too, because we've all played darts. This is one of those things where we've all thrown darts. You know what I mean?

We've all tried to hit the bullseye and all that sort of thing. And I don't know. It's weird because I get it's a game of skill because I would imagine it's a hand-eye. But, I mean, it's one of those things where, like, it's hand-eye coordination, but it's not. It's like a skill like checkers almost also. Like there's hand-eye coordination, but it's also like a more but it's also more like checkers than golf, we'll say. It's kind of in between checkers and golf for me. You know what I mean?

Like somewhere in between. Because golf, your whole body moves when you swing the club, and you have to walk to the next hole. These guys literally take two steps off a chair, lightly throw a one-ounce object, and then go sit down again. And used to drink while they did that, too. Well, sometimes you throw three. It's hard to call that a sport. Yeah. It's like back-ammon, I would say.

It's an equivalent of that as a sport. Or dominoes. You have to slam it down. The dominoes is the level of sportsmanship we're talking about here. It could for sure use some contact. It could. It could for sure use some contact. It could.

And it's funny because the people who could be really good at this and dominate all over the world are doing better things with themselves. Like the best darts player I've ever seen was my friend Rod Beck, the major league pitcher. After he retired, had multiple, had his elbow reconstructed, had his shoulder put back together, had no feeling or nerves in his hands and all this type of shit. This fucking guy could throw a dart. He could hit a bullseye and then throw the other two darts into the back of the other dart, like bink, bink. It wouldn't even hit the board. It would just hit the other dart. Wow.

He was that fucking amazing because he was a major league pitcher. And he was retired, done pitching, and had his elbow completely put back together. Couldn't feel it. And he was still that fucking amazing. Couldn't even feel his arm, and he's still putting them all in his Robin Hooding darts. Just bing, bing, bing. It's exactly what he was doing. And he could just do it.

Like, I played him a million times, never beat him once. And he was always drinking while we were doing it. Of course. Still never once beat him. And he didn't make his fortune there. No, that's what I mean. This was just what he was doing in his living room at one in the morning while we were watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air on Nick at Night.

And he was remarking about how he wished he was a black guy so he could pull off more different kinds of clothes. That's how cool Rod was. He'd just be sitting there looking mean at the TV. And you're like, yeah, right. And he's like, you're looking black guys could pull off brown shirts. I wish I could do that. That's lucky, man. Pull off brown shirts.

He'd be watching Fresh Prince. He'd be like, man, I couldn't pull that shirt off, man. Look at that guy. But that's distracted by that. He'd be like, man, I couldn't pull that shirt off, man. Look at that guy. That's playing. But that's distracted by that. He's still like amazing level darts player. Looks like a Paul Brown shirt. Watch his bullseye.

Bing. That's what he would do. Bing, bing. And you're like, Jesus Christ. Cigarette in the other hand. Just pop, pop. Holy shit. So that's what I mean.

Like, I feel like if guys who like had like pitchers, if they had like any desire to be really good at this, they could just go in and school all these guys. Just blow all these guys out of the water. This is all they've done since they were fucking 12. Ruined their lives. Just ruined their lives. Just dink, dink, dink, dink. Man, you guys suck. Pound a beer, go take their wife and fucking walk off.

What the fuck? Bend the wife over the hood of their Lambo in the parking lot. See you tomorrow night, pussy. That's what I mean. Like I could totally picture that shit happening. You know what I'm saying? Like fucking night, pussy. That's what I mean. I could totally picture that shit happening. You know what I'm saying? Fucking ridiculous, man. So let's talk about our guy tonight, our star of the evening, Christopher John Mason.

Never heard of him. Never heard of him. He's a dart player. Chris Mason is what he goes by, better known as Mace the Ace. These dart players have the worst fucking nicknames. Mace the ace hole. Oh, they have the worst nicknames ever. And half of them are like, they're sarcastic,

sort of. You'll see what I mean. It'll be like a super fat guy named, you know, the Svelte Warrior or some shit. They're kind of sarcastic, but at the same time, some of this shit's taken seriously. This guy's taken it serious. If you're calling yourself anything as a dart player, just don't. You, some of this shit's taken seriously. And either way, if you're calling yourself anything as a dart player, just don't.

Just fucking don't. One of the major organizations encouraged the guys to do it for a while, kind of like the XFL. They were like, we'll get some personality in it. There was a split in the different... We'll talk about it. Holy shit, I know too much about darts politics. There was a split in

the professional darts leagues, Jimmy. Oh, good Christ. They split. It's ridiculous. This whole thing, it's so stupid. And I know all about the politics. Funny part is I still have no fucking idea how you win a game of darts in a professional level.

Well, it depends on the game you're playing. That's what I mean. They're not playing cricket or whatever where you're just doing fucking 320s. You're not doing that. Well, then they got 501 and 301 where you're just counting down. That's what I mean. There's all kinds of different games of darts. It's so stupid.

And then you got the cricket one. Is that the one where- That's where you got to hit 320s and 318s and 319s and then hit goals. And then there's like a baseball one too where there's like a different- Oh, the other side of the dartboard. That was just baseball when you bought a dartboard when you were a kid. That was on the other side. It's like, can't figure out how to play this game?

Fuck it. Flip it over. You know baseball, can't figure out how to play this game? Fuck it. Flip it over. You know baseball, don't you? There. Home run. Whee. That's too dumb to figure out a new sport or a new fucking game. Here you go.

Just flip it around. Unbelievable. That's where I think my dart board was 90% of the time. Yeah, for sure. It was on the baseball setting. The yellow and white side. Yeah. With a baseball card in the middle to hit.

I don't know why. You know, pick a guy you don't like and he'd be the guy you'd throw darts at for some reason it was never the guys that we've covered either no never those guys there's always guys dart at mel hall nope there's always a guy just you know nice guy family man fucking chuck knobloch trying to make his way in the world throwing it at him not uh otis nixon so uh thrown at him, not Otis Nixon. So, old Mace the Ace here. We're going to call him Chris the rest of the show. Old Chris was born December 17,

1969. It's so funny because there's this biography about darts, this dart biography, which people are writing books about darts. There's someone right now sitting at his typewriter typing a whole book about darts and there's someone else excited sitting at his typewriter typing a whole book about darts, and there's someone else excited to order it. And there's somebody else that can't wait to edit it.

Yeah, I get to edit this book about darts. So, fucking amazing. There's a whole chain of production for a book about fucking darts. Book of darts. They have to go over it. They have to go to the publisher. They have their point man at the publisher that goes, I don't know, I think this chapter should be more like this. I'm like, it's about fucking darts they have to go over they have to go to the publisher they have a yeah like their point man at the publisher that goes i don't know this i think this chapter should be more like

this and like it's about fucking darts dude are you serious do you know anything no one knows anything about this we don't get it uh his father's name was berkeley uh which sounds like a dog's name yeah uh come here berkeley that sounds like a total pretentious dog name uh was a race car driver uh which is interesting that's all right right away he's got some uh so his dad's cooler than he is his dad's way cooler than he is uh and his mother margaret designed protective clothing for firemen so interesting nobody was like he didn't like work at the mill and she was like a housekeeper it was like yeah he was a race car driver and she's making protective like fireproof clothes was she like trimming them to accent like features on the guy or was she just like she was designing

i don't know how you design that uh make it less fiery here make it fire resistant in the crotch area there we go is there like a fucking catwalk for this shit is it is there is there a bunch of firemen walking across the catwalk for like municipals to order from this catalog is that what it is i think that's what it is so stupid uh and both of the parents were uh county players and darts they played in like the county league leagues because there are so many organized uh like dart organizations over there and leagues and different levels and amateurs and open competitions and it's basically like golf is here darts is like golf here that's the best way i could describe it in the best way i kind of

kind of the same it feels like the same kind of insular community and uh just it's very much like like golf i guess except uh for people who are drunker and have less money, basically, I feel like. That sort of thing. His brother and sister were also county dart players on the deal there. And his uncle, his name was Eddie Norman, sold darts equipment all over the world for a company called House of Darts. So they are into fucking darts. This is fucking. Yeah.

It's deep. Yeah. Like if you ask me what my dart lineage was, I'd be like, I think my dad had a dart board once. Like that would be my lineage. I don't remember him ever using it. These people are banking on darts being successful forever. Forever.

If one dart player diddles a kid and it all goes to shit, this whole family's fucked. They're screwed. Yeah, one darty priest and you're screwed. They're just homeless. One priesty dart man, I should say, and you're out of there. Uncle Eddie, the whole fucking bunch of them. The brother, the sister, the father.

They're all ruined. Yeah, she's still got the fireman shit. She can still design that. He's a race car driver. But Mason here, Chris says, quote, the mother can still. They're all ruined. Yeah, she's still got the firemanship. She can still design that. He's a race car driver. But Mason here, Chris says, quote, darts was my life. And darts is used like that, not playing darts. Darts means playing darts. So just add that in whenever the word darts was.

Whenever darts is placed in a place contextually that doesn't sound correct. It's not. It is still, but it's just weird. Know that. Darts was my life, which sounds really weird to say. He said, all the other lads were into football, but I was mad about darts. So everybody else into soccer. He likes darts.

You don't have football, you pussies. Sorry. No. Everyone else is into football, but I said I'm going to go with an even less dangerous sport like darts. And we know football is dangerous. We know soccer is dangerous. We get it. Right, right, right. Sure it is.

Sure it is. You always have 300-pound guys tackling you from behind without you knowing they're coming, right? That happens all the time in darts. Tell that to that guy that got a wet willy and had a fucking seizure. Yes. To the guy that got a wet willy and had a fucking seizure. Yeah, exactly. So he also says, Chris, quote, I would come home from school when I was 11 or 12 years old, and Eric Bristow, who I assume is a famous darts player, would be in the living room practicing with my dad.

My mates didn't believe me when I told them. So over there, darts are big enough to where if there's a professional dart player in your house, you brag about that to your friends. And then they'd be like, fuck you. That didn't happen. Joe Namath didn't come over and have a catch with you in the background. Fuck off. That's how big darts is. Wow.

Holy shit. When I was a kid, I had something similar that somebody down the street told me that their dad built race car engines for John Force. And that probably wouldn't matter fuck to you. No, I'd be like, so? But for me, white trash hillbilly, I was like, bullshit. And then he goes. I would never doubt that for one second. Be like, who?

All right, that sounds right. I'm sure. Sounds accurate to me. Sounds good. So your dad's a mechanic? That's what you're telling me. So your dad's got a lot of tools? Good for him.

Yeah, nice. If I need a wrench, I know where to go. So then he dared me to come by on a day that John was picking up a race car engine, and I rode my bike down there, and I didn't even have the balls to stop because I saw that man with his blonde hair. He's a shit. And I was like, that's John Force. I'm in the fuck out of here.

I still don't know who that is at all, but apparently he has long hair. I'm trying to put it together through context. Back then he had a lot of hair. Now he doesn't. Now he looks like dog shit. Most people do. Yeah.

A fat race car driver. That's what he was. A fat salt walter looking fucking bastard. So at least he has all his fingers unlike salt. Right, right. He might not. He's been blown up in that car so many times. Christ only knows what he's missing. Walther-looking fucking bastard. So at least he has all his fingers, I'm like, so. He might not. He's been blown up in that car so many times.

Christ only knows what he's missing. Who knows what those guys are minus shit that they need. And those race cars, mind you, it's a fucking, like, several hundred horsepower motor sitting on their dick. And they're, like, they're wrapping their legs around that shit and opening it up full throttle. It's pretty intense. You're telling me there's something wrong with their balls, too. Yeah, probably. I got ball problems. So, 60 years.

Sorry. No. Talking about my white trash life. I love it. It's fucking depressing. I hate that I know who John Forrest, Don Perdomo, and so many more, by the way. It's odd that you were impressed by that. Not that I know who John Forrest, Don Perdomo, and so many more, by the way. It's odd that you were impressed by that.

Not that you know. It's fine that you know. The fact that you're impressed by it is striking. It's striking to me. I wish it was just impressed when I was 13. Shocked. So Mason, Chris here was less impressed with the whole darts thing. This is when you're 12, and the difference from when you're 12

to when you're 16 is you don't give a fuck what your parents are doing generally so at 16 he decided that he'd rather go and box at the gym than go to the pub and throw darts and this is the other thing you're seriously encouraged

you have to get to the pub stop being lazy, go down to the pub, damn it. Go drink a shitload of pints and practice your darts. And that's considered like he's a hard worker. He's at the pub every night. Imagine that. Every night? A sport where people are impressed that you're at the pub every night.

Like imagine that. His swing, he's going to hit so many home runs this year. He's at the bar every night, and we're really impressed by it. Not even breaking a sweat, this guy. One night, he said he was going, he just had some water. I'm like, you better put a few fucking cocktails away, and he did, and the next day, he got three hits, because you know how that goes. That never

happens in another... Three hits. No other sports does that happen, except for this, apparently. But he still kept up with darts a little bit, but it wasn't his life's obsession. He wasn't doing backflips about Eric Bristow being in the living room here. He ends up training in darts with the financial help of a pub owner. Again, you don't hear that very often in normal sports.

The one pub owner did get Ron LaFleur into the major leagues by getting Billy Martin to look at him, so I guess that's the only time we've had a guy propped up by a bar owner. But it's happening here. Apart from that, it's just sponsorship that they're reading for Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah. So I picture Chris just showing up and being like, I'm here. And they're like, all right, mate, there's some pints.

Right. Yeah. Sponsored. You're sorted now, mate. That's it. That's a sponsorship. You're sorted now, mate. That's it. That's a sponsorship. You go to the pub. You're sorted now, mate.

You get your shit face. You're sorted now, mate. You leave. I think I'm better at tarts now. I threw a lot of them. Those 18 pints are on the house because you're sponsored. And that's how you train. It's like in baseball, off to the side, you have the two bats,

the big donut you're warming up, so then when you get up there the bat feels light. Well, when you can do this when you don't have 14 pints in you, you're like, I can see the board now. This is fucking easy. You're dropping them all over, doing whatever it is that you do in darts to make it good. Where you're supposed to put them to make it

good. To make it good. Because I don't fucking know. And I've done a ton of research, and I still don't know how the fuck darts work. So, I don't know. Sorry, darts people. Your sport's stupid. Your sport's dumb. It's your hobby.

How about that? That's what it is. Because you're not paying your whole life with this. It's like a hobby. It's like you know one card trick. You don't know magic enough to have an act. But you have a card trick that if you show your friends they're like, I don't know where the fuck that came from. He had you know it was a club.

Like not bad. How'd you put that up there? Pretty good, yeah. She took it out of your hat. I didn't expect that. I'll be honest with you. You know, you don't have a Penn and Teller act or anything. So he begins, when he began his career, it was in the British Darts Organization, which is the BDO. Now, we're going to talk a little bit about darts politics because it's fucking hilarious and I get a real kick out of this shit. Okay.

The BDO is organized on – it's founded in January of 1973 by a man named Ollie Kraft, which is an excessively British name. Insanely British. There's no Americans named Ali Kraft. I guarantee you that right now. Ali? That's never happened in America. It's a founding member, BDO, is a founding member of the World Darts Federation, which is second only to the World Wrestling Federation in weight and importance.

The WDF. It sounds badass. The WDF was formed in 1976. Okay. The BDO, like the British darts, we'll get into this here. The BDO is made up of 66 member counties in Britain and organizes tournaments for professionals and amateurs. So the BDO oversees everything.

World Darts Federation is like more professional outlet for what I've seen here. And the BDO would be like if we had a world, like a national football council. But the NFL fell under that and so did Pop Warner. They all fell under the same shit did Pop Warner. You know what I mean?

Like they all fell under the same shit. Like that's what it would be basically. Now, after they had the world championship, they started doing world championships of darts. Televised darts became a big deal with all sorts of – they would be on ITV and BBC in the UK. So it wasn't like you needed to fix your antenna and fucking tune into some

grainy thing from three counties over to go, I think I'm playing darts. This is literally like, this is what's on tonight. Darts. The whole country is watching it. They had like three channels. One of them is playing fucking darts. So it's crazy. They had tournaments on there. And people weren't rioting

in the streets. God damn it. Darts is on again. Yeah. No shit. No shit. Not darts again for the fucking Jesus. Now, it lost a lot of sponsors in 1980 by like the early 80s. They lost a ton of sponsors and only the world championship was on TV.

So it went from being like this huge popular thing with darts on all the time to only the big dart match of the year was on TV by 1984. A lot of the players became frustrated by this because the pay, obviously, if you're not on television and have a bunch of big sponsors, your tournament wins and all that, you don't get as much money for it. So they're super pissed off. They're pissed off because they can't make a professional living playing darts, which I was pissed off once that I couldn't make a professional living planting daisies in my yard. Thank you. Like,

sorry. I can't stop laughing. It's fucking darts. And these people are dead serious and there's like, wait till you see later. They have boards meet to discuss punishments. You're playing darts. Did you throw a dart at the other guy?

No, who gives a fuck then? You're playing fucking darts. I was so fucking good at jacks when I was a kid. That's what I mean. That's what this is, professional jacks. So some players were frustrated that they bounced the ball up and they could scoop up a shitload of jacks and still didn't work. That was so good.

They couldn't make a living professionally at this, so they're mad, which they should have been like, hey, I played darts on the weekends. Like, I don't know. I know people that are in like darts leagues and shit here. It's not their living. No. That's like that's where they go to get drunk and have fun on Thursday nights. Like, that's it, man. But they take that fun very fucking seriously.

So seriously. Watching somebody, like, when I throw darts, I'm dying laughing because I'm terrible at Who cares? But watching somebody not even smile. Like, I hope I hit that board. Right. Not even smile when they throw that thing. It's like, what are you doing, dude?

You're not even having fun. They're so, no, they're missing the fucking point of it. It's like when you see someone bowling with a serious look on your face. You're like, you're supposed to be drunk right now. You're supposed to be shithoused and dying laughing because you're throwing something way too heavy for no fucking reason. And then it goes in the gutter and you go, fuck shit. God, zero on me. I suck.

Not these people. They're fucking into it. As into it as you can be into it. So at this point, a group of 19 players, including all of the active former world champions, they created the World Darts Council. Oh, boy. A competing organization. Some cloaks and shit. Later, they also, it was changed to the Professional Darts Corporation.

Oh, my God. Toward the end of 1990. They wanted more tournaments and they wanted to have more tournaments than the other one was having. And they wanted to get them back on TV and build up the popularity of the game again. So they hired a PR consultant to improve the image of the game. So some guy got paid. He's like, oh, let me get this straight here. You want me to have people take darts seriously.

That's my job. I don't think, I know I'm good, but I'm not that, no one's that good. I'm sorry. We had one guy, Johnson, back in sales about 10 years back. He could have done it, but he's long since retired and I don't think I can pull it off. Who got fucking bowling to be on ESPN? That's the guy we need. It was on constantly.

I know, but that's the guy they need. And that was the least stupid thing that was on ESPN when we were kids. It was like, right after lumberjacking, it's professional bowling, followed by a guy driving over smaller cars in his bigger car, which is also not a sport. That was after school for us. Oh, yeah, and wrestling wrestling which i was happy about but still again much more athletic at least they're yeah that's at least athletic it's not literally

a guy going i could drive my big truck on top that car that's a sport now or fucking dragging what was the one where you drag the thing in the mud and then they measured it fucking great and then they measure it and he got four inches longer than you in the mud with his tractor. They're so fun. Welcome to the sports network. Yeah. But now they've got, like, Red Bull has these airplanes slaloming through, like, those fucking used car balloon guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those things. They slalom through those, and nobody's watching that to watch them do that successfully. No, they're watching for— I'm watching's watching that to watch them do that successfully. I'm watching to watch him hit a fucking mountain. There's going to be an explosion at some point. And it's like NASCAR times 20. And everybody's going to go, oh, my God, how did that happen? And I'm going to go, because you flew a plane 12 feet off the ground.

That's fucking wild. And tried to go sideways like a knife edge. What do you expect? And I'm dying laughing because the guy that accepted that challenge is a fucking moron. In racing, most of the time there's accidents. They're not explosion fireballs. It's a guy spins out. Maybe he gets hurt a little or whatever, but it's not anything crazy.

It's shit you could see on the road happen. Whereas that, if it fucks up, it's going to be spectacular. Oh, God. It's going to be amazing. If they're flying 12 feet off the ground doing knife edges and up, it's going to be spectacular. Oh, God, it's going to be amazing. If they're flying 12 feet off the ground doing knife edges and shit, it's going to be amazing if they fuck up. They're not just going to go, oh, I came down to the ground, I sprained my ankle. It's going to be, that guy's a fucking dust.

Jet fuel ignites, and it's a fucking display. He's ashes now. Okay, that's that. I guess we don't have to decide on cremation. All right, then. Because that shit's over. What are we going to do? Just take a backhoe and take a scoop of where the cockpit used to be and put that in a box for his wife.

That's going to be this shit is over. Put our logo on that box, though, because this is sponsored now. Red Bull. Red Bull is going to be pissed. Let's give them all the publicity. Take a scoop and then put that in a Red Bull can and give that back to his wife. That is a dumb fucking sport. That's not a sport either.

No. You're flying a plane. Have a fucking Japanese guy there with a machine gun. They're not even racing. They're just doing tricks. Right. They're not even competing in a race. They're just like, look what I can do.

That's not a sport. I want that to be like an Olympic sport where the other countries get to machine gun turret those bastards. I'll take it, sure. Well, then you're definitely going to get some – That's some viewership. It's going to be active. We'll put it that way. You're going to see a lot of people are going to at least tune in once to see how it is. at least tune in once to see how it is.

1990, while the World Darts, or the Professional Darts Corporation are trying to do, become a fucking known entity here and make people give a shit about darts again. Chris has his own private problems. We do not have any details of what exactly happened. England, you guys are fucking tough, man. There is so much less information available on crimes that happen over there i don't know if you have privacy laws or what the shit the deal is but my god it's hard to find shit and you're you're you haven't you haven't archived all of your goddamn newspapers online either which is really painful for me when i'm looking for things

and it's just not there uh so i don't know what happened, but Chris ends up getting 180 hours of community service for assault and intent to resist arrest. So this is his first kind of run-in with the law here that we know of. I'm confused. I could see it

in his eyes. He was thinking about it. I'm confused by that charge. I can see it in his eyes. I think everybody has got got intent to resist i think maybe if i'm just in my head if i was putting it together logically it would be like you know he went to like run away but they just tackled him anyway and he didn't fight back but he was intending to run so it was like you didn't listen when we told you to fucking put your hands behind your back but that's resisting but you didn't take a swing at anybody either so it it's an attempt. Well, they're doing grades, which is honestly good because resisting arrest is a big, that's a big swath.

There's a lot in there. You could either say no and like pull your hand away or you could try to kick the guy in the nuts. Those are way fucking different. I guess one would be assault. Yeah, what's assault on a police officer? He's also charged with assault. So who the fuck knows?

We don't know what happened. I could see them, like, he punches an old man or a person, anybody, really. I'd say an old man. Let's say he punched an old man. Okay. And he's getting wrapped up by the cops, and, like, he jerks his arm, and they're like, do you feel that? That's a resist.

Mike, you had intent. You were intending to resist, and then you changed your mind, and you thought better of it. Yes, that's possible. No, no, my arm jerked because you put that cuff on really tight yeah yeah listen mike listen i feel like he punched an old man yeah okay because that's always the beginning he punched an old man pretty good too knocked him on his old ass broke his hip uh at that point the police came up right uh to get him he turned and cocked his arm

to swing at one of those guys and then went oh oh, wait, they're not 80. So they were like, he intended to resist, but then he thought better of it, and now it's fine. So that's what happened in 1990. Unbelievable. He punched an old man in the face and thought better of fighting the cops. So now we've found, well, at least we figured it out. So never mind.

We don't need your newspaper archives, England. Go fuck yourself. We'll make our own. We'll make our own. He ends up with 180 hours of community service out of this deal for that. So, I mean, that's something. Now, there is later on it said that he had a charge before this, but we don't know anything about it because he wasn't even he was just a teenager. But apparently there was another assault before this.

He likes to assault. Let's just say a darts, a drunken pub darts player likes to assault. Shocking. Weird. So I don't know if they normally do. But if you're drunk, you want to assault more usually. So 1993, he receives a three month sentence because he's arrested again. He ends up doing three months in jail this time.

Again, this is for assault and actual bodily harm. OK. So now he punched an old man in the face. He knew well enough to not fight the cops afterwards, but he knew he really had to put that old man down. He hit him and then he kicked him when he was on the ground. So this old man has had a tough run of it the last three years, but he deserves it, I think, in the end.

So he, out of this charge, out of these charges, he receives a three-month sentence, like I said, in jail, 12 months of suspended sentence in jail, and three years probation as well. Jesus. So it's an escalating thing. They're taking it seriously. They're taking it seriously. And he's only 24 years old at this time. He's out at pubs every fucking night.

Punching like crazy. Punching people. You could see it happening here. 1993 is the Embassy World Championship. This is, Jesus, there's so much it happening here. 1993 is the Embassy World Championship. Okay. This is, Jesus, there's so much darts here. Let's get into some dart politics and we'll make fun of it like crazy. 93 was the Embassy World Championship.

It was the last unified world darts championship, apparently. The last one. The last Super Bowl of darts. Okay. Okay. So they got all the fat guys from all everywhere they got them as liquored up as they could possibly take it give me your fattest drunk let's throw some fatest your drunkest and bring them in our shores it's like a statue of liberty

but drunken darts and england version so uh it's all written at the base of Big Ben. Yeah, exactly. So in 93, there was a bunch of rebel players here that didn't want to, like we told you about before, the ones that want to start their own dart league to get better tournaments. They issued a joint statement, all these players, saying that they would only compete in the 1994 tournament if it was held under the auspices of the World Darts Corporation. So there's that. So they want it to be that. The BDO, the British Darts Organization, the oversight board, the whole oversight, the committee of all the darts in all the country. The UN. The Dart UN responded by banning all those players from all of their

tournaments that somalian boat pirates yeah so uh these guys who this would be like if some football players said we should do that and they suspended aaron rogers and half of the fucking league all the good players basically they went we don't have those guys now people really want to watch darts with the lesser players playing drunkenly in there play Play the scabs. Let's play the scabs. So what ends up happening is the players end up suing the BDO. It's a huge, you know, prolonged court case. And after the whole thing, finally, the British darts organization was forced to acknowledge the WDC's legitimacy and the right of the players to choose which body they competed for. Because the BDO is the oversight of everything. It's not their job to choose one darts organization over another.

You're just in control of darts. So, yeah. This is me at 3 o'clock in the morning, jet lagged to shit. I'm like, am I reading about fucking dark politics right now? What am I doing? I don't see any of these organizations actually having a standalone building. I see them on the phone with each other while they're kicked up in a Lazy Boy, talking to each other on the phone. I'm like, we're going to be forced to fucking acknowledge a mic.

I feel like they're in a business center of a Holiday Inn Express. A place like that. I've got a printer right here. We're going to be forced to acknowledge them. They're going to fucking force us. There's more of them than there is of us. We have to do it. What are we going to do?

Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history. Not to mention becoming a billionaire in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show Business Wars.

We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin,

then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane and if you listen to my podcast you'd learn that that's the sciency term for eardrum we embark on a hyperlink

roller coaster as we start out on a wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link careening through trivia odd oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, How the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. It's a bunch of people took darts seriously.

So seriously they talked about it in court for months. Men who went to law school. It's England. Dudes in wigs. Guys in wigs and fancy shit. This big courtroom that's been around for 200 fucking 500 years. They all got in front and they said, let's talk about darts, everybody. Let's talk about the legitimacy of a darting fucking industry.

And every morning, 12 dudes that were at the pub throwing darts and drinking beer the night before come in rubbing their bloodshot eyes yeah to argue about no shit so this court case results in uh like i said the wdc dropping its claim of being the sport's rightful governing body uh so they say now we're not because they said it's either us or nothing. Like, we're the ones in charge. The players won the new players league. And they said, so they dropped that. That was part of the deal.

You guys, players can play wherever they want. You guys aren't the governing body. Can we agree on that? Fine. So then they changed the name from the WDC to the Professional Darts Corporation. That's when it becomes that, the PDC. So then there's something called the Tomlin Order that's going to come up. These are rulings.

These are people sat down and took this shit seriously. Serious British people that don't smile a lot took this shit seriously. They took their fucking bad teeth into a room and they all fucking talked about it. serious British people that don't smile a lot took this shit seriously. They took their fucking bad teeth into a room and they all fucking talked about it with suits on. This is fucking insanity. Yes, the Tomlin order. All right, let me read this to you, what I've amassed. What have you dug up on the Tomlin order? The Tomlin order.

I just picture Mike Tomlin yelling at guys playing darts. But the Tomlin order is like Mike Tomlin is the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers and a mean-looking black dude that looks like if he told you to do some laps, you'd fucking do some laps. And Lily's a supposed lesbian, I believe, that is not a very happy woman. No. She's quite angry. But she's very funny. Good actress. I've heard an outtake of her on set where somebody fucked up and she just lost her mind.

I want you to hear that one day where she's screaming at someone, you fucked it up, damn you. And it's hysterical. Oh, I've heard that one. Have you heard it? It's amazing. You always play that along with Casey Kasem screaming at his producer for playing an upbeat number coming out of a dead dog dedication.

How am I going to play an upbeat number out of a goddamn dog? Fucking ponderous. Fucking ponderous, man. Fucking ponderous, man. You're like, Casey Kasem, losing his shit. Take it easy, Case. Goddamn, fucking ponderous. I love that.

I love that i love that i just every once in a while something will happen i'm just fucking ponderous and no one knows what i'm talking about ever ever like damn it it's right up my alley babe i've heard it a million times those two and earl weaver telling the telling the woman uh not to worry about when to plant her tomato plants but worry about where our next dick's coming from earl weaver theaver, the former manager of the Baltimore Orioles. I've never heard it. He had one of these contractually obligated radio shows. After the team played, he had to go talk to the team, then go up to the booth for 15 minutes

to answer questions and shit. So he didn't feel like doing it that day, and he was super pissed off, and they probably lost or some shit like that. So he sits down, and the guy's they probably lost or some shit like that so he sits down and the guy's like we have some listener questions and he's like yeah yeah yeah let's go let's get him over with and he's like got a huge attitude and this one guy and he's cursed this is on the radio he's dropping f-bombs left and right they're like why don't you play this guy instead of that guy he's like that guy's lucky he's in the fucking league because you kidding me the

fucking Braves got rid of the fucking Cardinals didn't want him. I'd pick him up. Fair enough. He can collect a paycheck, sit down and watch the fucking game like everybody else. He's not goddamn complaining. I'll tell you that right now. Why don't you mind your own fucking business? That's why I don't play him. He's like, okay then. Next question. The poor host

is like, whoo-hoo, coach is passionate today. And it's like, no, he's not passionate. A couple more baseball questions going on. How are not passionate. A couple more baseball questions going on. How are you passionate at all? A couple more baseball questions going on. And then somebody's letter is, we have Lillian in Maryland wondering, when is the best time to plant her tomato plants? And he goes, let me tell you something, Lillian.

You need to knock that shit off with these goddamn tomato plants. It doesn't fucking matter when you fucking plant them. He goes, I'll tell you what you should do. Why don't you stop worrying about your fucking tomato plants? Worry about where your next dick's coming from. Maybe you go out and somebody will fuck you once in a while. Have a very good night. Fuck your mother.

Fuck everybody. See you later. So they're all fucking Weaver and he leaves. And the music starts playing. And the host is just like, okay then. Wow. What a night here at the O. It's fucking amazing.

Contractually obligated things are fantastic. Oh, listening to this angry, angry man who, when he retired, had the record for most times ejected from games. He was like Billy Martin, but crazier. And this guy yelling at a poor old lady for wanting to know about tomato plants is one of the greatest moments of my life. Outtakes of, like, legit anger. Legit, yeah. Not bullshit. No, not just fucking around, not goofball.

Like, oh, he hit him in the dick. That's hilarious. I don't want that. Actual. I want fucking livid. You're hearing shit that you're not supposed to hear. This guy has hid this part of him for the public his entire life. And now you get to see what he's really like.

Right now he's so angry, he's like, fuck it, facade's coming down. Let's do this. Burning the shit to the ground. I don't care what your eight-year-old thinks about me. Don't care. How many kids are listening? Fuck them. Don't care.

Drop an F-bombs in 1983 on regular radio. Eat Dick's Oreos. You can pay for it. Christian Bale dressing down a key grip for something that wasn't even his fault. That's fucking great. That's great. God, I hate Christian Bale for that, too. I fucking hate that so much.

That's when you know what they're really like, though. That's right. And that's why I love it, because it fucking shows that guy doesn't deserve your love. Stop loving that man. He's trying to light you so you look good. Right. And you're telling him you're pissed off for distracting you. Fuck you.

They're actually working. Right. Hey, dickhead, you're pretending. You're playing fucking pretend while men who literally know about like electricity and lighting and things like that who have actual fucking professions are doing shit. He should have just said, fuck you. The men are working now. That's what the guy should have told Christian Bale.

We're working. You want to keep fucking around and pretending that's on you. Or you can get up and help me with this light, you cocksucker. That's what he should have fucking told him. Remember your lines, Christian. Fuck you. Hey, listen here, Batman. Let's go over something, motherfucker. I'm union, so I don't give a shit what you say about me number one fire me

motherfucker so jesus christ that's so good and finding out that that uh barry white gets furious too is my favorite because he was such a love love bug what a guy got mad ah you know the the tape would shut off and he'd be like, this is a motherfucker. Like, damn. And they didn't shut the tape off. I always pictured that's how Bill Cosby would be

and then we found out he is. So, perfect. He's way worse. Yeah, as we know from last week. I think I called him a pudding-eating cunt. So, think that about conversation for Bill Cosby on the Small Town Murder Show.

So this thing here, the – Jesus Christ. So the Tomlin order, back to that shit. I don't know. Where we got that? How did you do it to us, Mike? The Tomlin order here is the players took the matter to court to dispute the – this was to dispute who's going to pay for all this litigation now they did this uh they ended up reaching an out-of-court settlement and uh that's kind of what the tomlin order is the money plus the uh the fact that uh the bdo would recognize the wdc

and agreed that all the players should have the freedom to play and move around like we said right uh they said they wouldn't the wdc said okay fine we're not the governing body then uh we're the professional darts corporation We're the Professional Darts Corporation. And the Professional Darts Corporation accepts and recognizes the WDF as the governing body for the sport of darts worldwide. Everywhere. Everywhere. So they basically say, OK, we acknowledge your dominance over this league. It's so fucking stupid.

This is like mafia families. Like, OK, you've got Brooklyn and if we move any heroin in Brooklyn we'll let you know and we'll kick you up a notch. We'll kick you up a piece. Fuck you, Emeril. So, moving on. Okay. Yes, so, fuck. And the BDO is the governing body for darts in the UK.

So, these guys agree to that. To abide by what they say. The stated purpose of the agreement was to promote the freedom of individual darts players to to participate freely in open competition this is fucking darts go to the bar get a fucking pint and throw the goddamn dart you asshole jesus what are we doing what are we doing you're litigating darts does that mean that a guy that's a professional if you're in a bar with him and you're like,

$100, throw darts with me, and they're like, I can't do it, Mike. I'm under contract. You don't understand. There's a whole council and a thing. Tell you what. Let's take it to court. And about four years from now, I'll let you know if I can get in that game. But we got a lot going on.

But I got Mike Tomlin's number. We can figure this out right now. We'll figure it out. So, we needed to know all of this to know when I say the BDO World Darts Championship. You know what the fuck I'm talking about, basically. So I had to do all this research to learn shit that I have no interest in to be able to describe things that I don't care about to you. So Chris makes his world championship debut at the 1996 BDO World Championships. Okay?

He loses 0-3. 0-3. I guess. I don't know if it's like tennis with sets. Probably. I assume it's sets of whatever game you're playing. Or maybe you play one game, another, and then you play. Maybe you play all three different games.

You play the two on the front, and you flip it around and play baseball. And whoever wins, that's the tiebreaker. I don't know how it works. the front and you flip it around and play baseball and whoever wins that's the tiebreaker i don't know how it works but chris loses this match oh three oh dash three to andy fordham okay andy fordham i looked up some of these guys because these are better than uh these are better than like uh mma fighters that fight here andy fordham his nickname jesus oh boy fucking christ your nickname and darts should be like pudgy or Pasty or some shit like that. His name is Andy the Viking Fordham.

What? Fuck you. Doesn't make any sense. No. And also, Vikings have never played fucking darts. Never. Apparently, if they did, though, they would dominate and pillage. I feel like they're very distracted people.

I don't think they'd be able to concentrate on the whole game. They've got a lot going on. Also, the land under them would be a weird thing. They're used to the boat rocking. I don't think they'd do well. The braids get in the way. Yeah. So this guy, he's a little bit older than Mason.

He's more experienced. He plays for the BDO, the British Darts Organization. He would later go on to be the 2004 BDO World Darts Champion. Also, the 1999 Win Mao World Masters Champion, whatever the fuck that is. He's also the fattest man alive. He is the fattest fucking man. I saw a picture of this guy. And I don't mean to rip on anybody for being fat, but this guy's a professional athlete.

He has fat on his forearms. I don't know if you've ever seen a person who's so fucking fat that there's fat hanging from their forearms. Their forearms. You can see where the differentiation is between normal body and forearm fat. I can see forearm jiggle as I throw darts. It does. His whole body jiggles and swings. He looks like a Weird Al character.

He looks like fucking Weird Al in the fat video. Look that up. It looks like he's got a fucking fat suit on. He's like Fat Bastard in Austin Powers. He doesn't look real. You're like, is this a real man? You're like, he's a world champion? When that guy wins the world championship, you start changing rules.

You start making it where you have to run 50 feet up to the line before you do it. Just get him out of there. I think that would clear him right out of the sport. If you said, you got to run for 50 feet up to the line, he'd be like, never mind. I retire. He'd be fucking, never mind. I retire. He'd be fucking done, man. Holy what? Did you look him up?

He's a fat fuck. That's a dark shit. It doesn't look real. He got somebody to tattoo his forearm, too. It doesn't look real. It looks like a suit, doesn't it? That looks very weird. Professional athlete, Jimmy.

That man is a world champion at something besides wing eating contests. Holy shit. His tits look like trash bags filled with liquid. I looked him up and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? When I found him, that's when I started looking up all these guys because I'm like, none of these guys are like, I don't know. I pictured they would be like kind of ex-athletes that are, you know, I figured it would be guys like Rod who were like used to be an athlete and now they're not. Now they're playing this.

No, no, no. Just a fat guy who's been drinking and playing darts since he was 10. So this guy here, this is amazing, by the way. Okay. In 2004, his weight's going to affect his play. Even though all you have to do is stand up and cock your arm back and foot and throw just a super light projectile in the area of a wall. In 2004, he was forced to withdraw from a best of 13 sets match

at Perfleet's Circus Tavern, which had pitted him against Phil Taylor, who we'll talk about a lot later. Phil Taylor will also probably get his own episode because he's a sexual assaulting asshole. Anyway, it's him versus Phil Taylor. Fat Boy is representing the BDO. Phil Taylor is representing the PDC. And so this is the world championship here.

There are these two world champions. Our guy here, Fordham, the Viking, must withdraw in the middle of the match due to, quote, heat intensity. He's too hot. He's too fucking hot. World champion. Which one of our world champions? That's what happens in boxing all the time.

You get two guys with belts and they're going to unify the belt. And one guy goes, whew, it's hot out here. I got to... Nah. Whoo, Lordy. I'm going to have some lemonade and sit down. This is just... Wow.

It's warm out here. I don't even have a shirt to take off. I'm so hot. Wow. Holy shit. What in the fuck is going on? This was after the seventh set. He got heat exhaustion moving his arm.

Literally playing darts. He got heat exhaustion, this fucking guy. Oh, boy. Jesus Christ. So Taylor was declared the victor that night. He'd been leading the match five sets to two at the time. After this incident, not right away, but that week or whatever, the Viking goes to the doctor who told him that his liver was 75% dead and the other 25% was in bad shape. And he said, please stop drinking alcohol right now.

Stop it. Because he was getting shit. He'd go get shit-faced and play darts. His living is at a pub. That's his office. That looks like that. The only thing he's good at is throwing darts. He's doing everything that involves darts. Drinking is fucked up. Imagine what he's like that, the only thing he's good at is throwing darts. He's doing everything that involves darts.

Drinking is fucked up. Imagine what he's eating. The bar food he's eating. Oh, good Christ. It's got to be horrible over there. How many potato skins can he jam in his fat fucking face? Jesus Christ, over there. How much boiled ham can he press into his fucking maw?

Wow. That's what his arms look like. His arms look like boiled ham. They do. But it's like a hanging arm. I don't understand. It's so gross. I can't describe.

Never seen fat hang off a forearm ever in my fucking life before. And I thought the British were fairly well in shape and took not that one. Not this fucking guy. No, not the darts community. Not the Viking. No, not the Viking. So, in viking no not the viking so in in this guy here uh this is messed up here uh after a little bit after this after the doctor's appointment he suffers the viking does suffers what they initially thought to be a stroke yeah

and it turned out to be severe difficulties caused by a massive fluid buildup in his lungs. Oh, boy. His agent described it as minor. Nothing's minor with this man. He'll be back in there to throw darts in a minute. He'll be fine. Just a sec. He can still do this.

By the way, I moved my arms six inches. He's fine doing that. He can do that from his bed. Right, from his hospital bed. Yeah, you can do that literally five minutes after surgery. You can still play darts. It's not a fucking sport. Still coming out of anesthesia.

Yeah. Throw the fucking dart. Throw that shit. So his minor, his agent also said that he's expected to make a full recovery from this. So in 2008, I assume fully recovered at this point, so recovered that he applies for a liver transplant. Jesus fucking Christ, man. What is wrong with you? Holy shit.

And he's throwing darts from the surgery table. He's fine. Yeah, he's totally fine. Initially, he was on an emergency liver transplant list. Initially, he was on an emergency liver transplant list, but apparently when you're like 400-something pounds, it affects your liver, especially when you're drinking constantly. He ended up losing 238 pounds. That's the picture I saw. 238 pounds. That's why he looks like that now.

That is 108 kilograms, 17 stone for you Brits out there. That's a shitload of weight to lose. Stopping drinking led to that. Wow. That's all it did. Stopping drinking, ate a little bit better. What'd you do, mate? Did you have surgery?

No, no, no. I quit drinking a shitload of fucking booze. Quit drinking 14 fucking pints per hour. Look at me. I quit drinking that keg every night, mate. That's what he had to be drinking. What was he drinking? What was he eating? And now he announced that

he probably wouldn't require a transplant for at least five more years. Wow. We'll see how it goes. You never know. I can get back into it pretty quick. But for the next five, I'm looking good. Just don't make it still 50 feet and then throw because we'll be fucked then. 1994.

They should take that bat thing from like drunken baseball when you have to take the bat and run around in circles. Spin it in your head like stupid softball games. They should have to do that before throwing the fucking dart. They should have. Then you throw. Well, then they'd be wishing they had the electronic ones because someone's getting hit with darts. Bang, hits the bartender in the side of the head. Has that big fat fuck is falling down.

Who's going to serve you now? I do too. So 1994, Chris is in the Belgium Open. He's in the Belgium Open. This is funny here. He, I don't know what this means, but apparently according to an article, he lost in the semifinals to Mike Gregory after he had the darts to win. I don't know what that means.

Well, you had the dart. He was set up in a good position to win, and this Gregory apparently made a comeback. And Chris remembers, quote, I was waiting backstage for the presenters to start and got chatting with this big guy whose English wasn't that great. I had the best banter I could have had with someone who could barely speak English, and he told me, I'll be world champion. That's what he told him. He told him, Chris, you're going to be a world champion.

And he's not. He loses this to Mike Gregory. And he says he's going to be world champion someday. He must be very excited. 1995, he has a daughter named Yasmin who's born. So now he's got a daughter. Uh-oh. Oh, he has a daughter named Yasmin who's born. So now he's got a daughter. Uh-oh.

Oh, boy. Back to Chris. He joins the World Darts Council in 1996, which is the corporate one, I guess, not the other one because the other one is the PDC. Gotcha. So this is the World Darts Council. He completed a 1996 world match play, losing to Alan Warner, whose nickname is the Iceman. Oh, boy. Yeah.

So all these guys are like middle-aged looking dudes that hang out at the pub with ridiculous like Top Gun fucking nicknames. They're finding just the basic- Maverick Jester, Iceman. That's our top three this year in the World Darts Tournament. Fucking ridiculous. They're just watching. It's like they went to a Google search page and were like, best nicknames. Give me one.

There's some good ones coming up. So in October 1996, Mason, Mace here, Chris, reaches the final of the Sky Sports World Paris. Sky Sports. World Paris. I just said that. It's World Pairs. And I knew it was World Pairs, and I said World Paris. You moved the I.

Because I am half asleep. No, it's right. I typed it correctly. No, but I mean in your head, you moved the I. I'm just half asleep is what it is here. This is a doubles thing here. His partner is Steve Raw, which sounds like a porn actor. Yeah.

This is Steve Raw dog right here. They are beaten by Phil Taylor, who we'll talk about. Phil Taylor's like their kind of legend. He wins everything, and he's a total asshole, and Chris hates him. They don't get along at all, as we'll talk about soon. They have a huge beef. Phil Taylor's their Michael Jordan. Kind of, sort of.

And he's their LeBron who hates him. Kind of. He's not really LeBron. And LeBron doesn't even hate Michael Jordan. That's just Sort of. And he's the LeBron who hates him. Kind of. He's not really LeBron. And LeBron doesn't even hate Michael Jordan. That's just what Skip Bayless wishes. Yeah, that's the thing. He just tries to start shit because his only talent is arguing with black people and he's trying to start another one.

It's like, Shannon Sharp's going to leave me someday. I'm going to need another black guy to argue with when he realizes that he's too smart to argue with me because I'm a frosty-haired dildo. And I hope that I outlive LeBron's career. Yeah. And then LeBron can come on here and yell at me every night and tell me, I told you, you asshole. You asshole.

The Phil Taylor, yeah, I guess it's hard to describe. It's kind of like if you're into, like, 80s skateboarding. It would be like Phil Taylor's Tony Hawk and Chris Mason's Mike McGill. They're both good, but Hawk always fucking wins. It's one of those things. It's just one of those deals. That's the best way to describe it. How crazy is that?

That sport was super popular, and everybody knew a bunch of skaters' names, and now the only person who's famous infinitely, the only one that really made a historical impression is Tony Hawk. That's it. He's still around. He's still around. He's got all his clothes in coals and he's killing it. When I was a little kid he was like a 17 year old dude that ripped it

up on half pipes and now he's like this businessman who still does like fucking McTwists. It's like this is insanity. He does 720s and shit. What is happening? On Tuesday just because he wants to go have some fun. It's like, this is insanity. He does 720s and shit. What is happening? On Tuesday, just because he wants to go have some fun. He's in his 50s. You're way too rich to be upside down on a skateboard with a ball in your head.

What's wrong with you? Why are you trying to skate a whole pipe? Why are you trying to do the whole upside? Why are you doing that? What's wrong with you? I just read something. He was on an airplane the other day and was pulling a- Jumped off of the skateboard, landed it perfectly from 33,000 feet.

He was deep- Open the door, guys, and go for it. No shoot, nothing. Right out of the exit row. And he just goes. But some old lady, as he's grabbing his skateboard out of the bin when he was deplaning, some old lady

goes, whose skateboard is this? And he goes, oh, it's mine, ma'am. And she goes, it's yours. You any good at it? And he goes, sometimes. And she just had no fucking clue who he was. She's the only person on the fucking plane. I guarantee that. Everybody else knows who that fucking guy is. The crazy thing is, they're in the same graduating class and he's still skateboarding.

Where are you in my senior class? Who's skateboard is this? I hated these in high school. There was this one kid, Tony, that was a dick. He's still a fucking bastard. Probably in a mess. So Phil Taylor and his partner beat Raw and Mason Raw, which definitely sounds like a gay porn star. Mason Raw. They're beaten by Phil Taylor and Bob Anderson, which is a very easy, simple name.

But his nickname is the stupidest one I've ever heard, and it's got to be tongue-in-cheek. His nickname is the Limestone Cowboy. Oh, for fuck's sake. Instead tongue-in-cheek. His nickname is the Limestone Cowboy. Oh, for fuck's sake. Instead of the Rhinestone Cowboy, he's the Limestone Cowboy. Because darts doesn't pay his bills. Exactly. And countertops do. Yeah, exactly.

He'll put limestone countertops in your bathroom if you like. I'll tell you what, you do your entire, I'm giving him an accent, I'll tell you what, you do your entire, I'm giving him an accent, I'll tell you what, you do your entire kitchen, you do your kitchen, you do your bathrooms. Now, not all your bathrooms, maybe just your master. I'll tell you what, two room kitchen, one of your bathrooms, I'll throw in a

backsplash for free. Now, you tell me a better deal than that. I'll tell you what, there is no better deal in the state of Texas, I mean in the country of England. Anywhere. You find me a better deal and I'll change my name from the limestone cowboy. I will not be the limestone cowboy anymore.

I don't care. It's the best deal. I ain't the limestone cowboy. I ain't the limestone cowboy. So 1996, he has another daughter named Skye with an E on the end. Skye is born. He also competes in the 1997 WDC World Championship where he loses one to three, I guess, one three to Gerald Verrier and then oh three to Phil Phil Taylor in the group stage of this thing. God, he's terrible.

Well, he's just starting. He's just starting. These guys are like all the pros. He's playing about what I would play, though. Yeah, really. I could do that. I could lose 0-3 to the fucking guy, no problem. Why are you so great at this? He's just like, another pint, fuck it. Maybe it's whoever's drunker that day.

They should handicap this based on your drunkness, I feel like. He's had like 12 pints, so if he gets one bowl, we'll count that as two. Fucking two. That's pretty impressive that he could hit it at all at that point. Now, shortly after the BDO and the PDC agreed to the Tomlin order, see why I had to tell you this shit? In June of 1997, some of the BDO players participated in world match play events at this time. So these were like – and also the World Grand Prix event between 98 and 2001. So this put more – this is exactly what they wanted when they started, these Rebel players.

They wanted more tournaments to fall under to be able to play. And instead they got to play under way less because they told they were like banned. And now they're getting to play. This is what they wanted 15 years ago. They're finally getting now. So Mason, he goes back to playing in the BDO World Championship after the Tomlin order. But he also continues to play in the PDC televised events that aren't World Championship events because now he has the freedom to do that.

Got it. So he wants to get himself on TV. And all of these guys, Mason, when we talk about him a lot more here, he's a personality guy. He's like the wrestler of darts, basically. He talks shit. He figures if I'm a personality, because it's fucking darts. It's darts.

It's not like Michael Jordan jumped from the fucking free throw line and dunked it and other people couldn't do that. Everybody moves their arm the same way. It's the same fucking thing. So unless you have a personality, who cares? There's no finesse to it. It's the same fucking move. It's the same movement. Even golf guys have their own swing.

That's like technical to a T of exactly what you're supposed to do. But even guys have a little bit of their own swagger in it or whatever. This, there's nothing to it. The only change that you get to do is the color of your fucking dart. Yeah. Yeah. It's like whatever stupid pants you got to wear in golf. That's the only thing you have.

So that's the whole problem here is he's trying to be a personality so he can make more money, be more sought after, and obviously, just like everybody else does in this country. People do that in sports where they make a fortune.

They just want to be a personality so then they get some endorsements too. It's smart, actually. It's a fucking bird man in basketball. He's not a great center. He just has tattoos fucking everywhere and a weird fucking haircut. There you go. But he also might be a child molester.

That's another problem we're going to have to work out. He's not, but he got convicted of some shit. He has some problems. I remember that. We'll get to him. Don't worry. So in 1998, he has a second round defeat in the BDO World Championships. He went on to reach the semifinals of the 1998 World Match Play.

He loses to Ronnie Baxter. His nickname is The Rocket. Ronnie The Rocket Baxter. The Rocket. You are in a sport where movement means nothing. You're not The Rocket. That means nothing. You could be 400 pounds and be a fucking champion.

The rocket is not impressive. You're not Owen Hart or Raheem Ishmael or any of these fucking people. Right. Raheem Ishmael is the only one that gets to do it. Fucker was fast as shit, and I'd rather say rocket than rocket. His first name was a piece of shit. So we're going to go with Ishmael's okay to have it, and Owen Hart was okay when he was the rocket because he would jump off the top rope and do missile dropkicks and shit.

That's great. So you're the rocket, too. Fine. This dick? No. No. And that was before he was. Never mind.

Okay. Unless you've got some sort of fucking propellant built into your fucking dart. Into your dart. And then you press a button and fucking throw it and it fucking rockets to the board. Maybe that's why they called him the rocket, because he threw the darts so hard. Probably. I didn't even think of that. I just thought of like, when we think of the rocket, it's because they're fast.

This means fast means nothing. So maybe he was just like, oh, he throws those darts hard. I don't know what the advantage of that is in a darting game. Not much. I feel like whether you lob them or throw them hard, it's pretty much where they land. It's not like there's someone there trying to block them. You have to get it past them. Oh, fuck, he zipped that right past me like baseball.

They have a little fucking speedometer down there. He threw that thing 98. No one's going to get around on that bad boy. No, everybody clears the way. You can throw it as light as you want. You get extra points for throwing it faster? Fuck you. You can probably throw it underhand.

Wouldn't matter. I'll bet you're right. If you could attach it to your dick and then swing your hips and kind of like. Fine. If it gets to the board, it gets to the board. The rocket. As long as your feet stay behind that line, sir. That's the problem.

Stay behind the line, which when you're drunk could be a problem with these guys. So the following year, Chris reaches the quarterfinals of the 1999 World Match Play. He loses 11 to 16 or 11 and, or however the fuck you say it, to Phil Taylor. Again, he keeps losing to Phil Taylor. Phil Taylor wins a lot of world championships. He throws a lot of darts. He throws a lot of darts.

The rocket himself. The non-rocket Phil Taylor. So Mason, he then reaches the quarterfinals of the World Grand Prix events in 1999 and 2000 that they're now allowed to participate in. Like we talked about. Losing to Peter Manley, Dexter's brother. Obviously.

Like, I beat you. I beat you. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. You, sir, are just your English white trash. I'm sorry. You're just trashy. And I'm sorry.

My brother will tell you all about it. Never mind. Never mind. So this Peter Manley, his nickname is One Dart, which makes me think he has one ball for some reason. I feel like he's got one nut. Again, huge fat fuck this guy is. Yeah. Huge.

Yeah. No fucking neck. Just his shoulders are being eaten by his torso. Awful. Fat fuck. Yes, he's super fat. But he loses to, well, Mason loses to them and to Phil Taylor again. So he's losing to Phil Taylor every year and whatever fat fuck they can pull out of the woodwork for him to go, what an athlete.

You can see the announcers doing that. What an athlete. Look at him. He drank that pint in one sip and then he still moved his arms six inches and threw a fucking projected a dart toward a board he's an athlete what an athlete I me personally I'm just in awe of being in his presence right now I don't know how he's doing it so athletic

so he enjoyed Mason here in 1999 at the BDO World Championships he recovered from being down 1-4 in sets in his best of nine quarter final match against martin adams known as wolfie yeah that's his nickname that makes sense that makes sense he survived a bunch of match darts which i guess is like a match set like in tennis

uh before eventually winning five four in sets uh and then winning six four in legs in the deciding sets, which I don't know what that is. I'm fine with that. And I really didn't have enough time to figure it out. I don't give a shit. Sorry. He won. He won. We would have had no the rest of it if I went to figure out this shit.

It's like, sorry, that's darts. I'll talk about his crimes another time. Have a good one, everybody. Well, it's good for – I'm kind of happy for fat guys to have like bowling and darts to have like something where they can you're not a professional athlete no but my favorite thing is that like in eating competitions it's always skinny it's a fucking tiny fuck it's a five foot three japanese man that weighs 108 pounds who jams 5 000 hot dogs down his throat he's more stretchy right and there's this tub of shit next to him that can't get 12 down.

He's like, oh, that one was really good, though. Well, he's not even like stuffing them in and dipping them. He's enjoying them. He's just eating them casually. He's a pretty fucking good. I get a dozen in me. I don't care. He's just having a nice afternoon.

Literally, the entry fee was cheaper than buying 12 hot dogs. He's like, give me as many as I want, but throw $10 in the contest. Or hot dogs are fucking expensive. I can buy like three packages of them. It doesn't cost me $15. I'm going to enter the contest. And then Kobayashi's over here yamming this shit down. He's like, you're going to throw those up.

These are delicious. You're not even putting any onions, some sauerkraut, some relish on those things. What are you doing? Yeah, he's Chicago talking. Yeah, these are pretty fucking good. These aren't bad. He's sitting back watching the other guys eat like he's watching a sporting event. This ain't bad.

Is that right? He's watching the real athletes. These guys, these are the real champions right here. Let me tell you something. I hope Kobayashi carves up a family because I want to cover that i do too because he's a moron i want to make fun of him so bad fucking douche oh my god oh good christ that's awesome so that match apparently was regarded as one of the best televised matches ever it was a big comeback and people cheered for him and they were were chanting, Mason, Mason, Mason.

He went down on his knees like a crazy man. He said it was like Rocky. He said they loved a comeback. It was like Rocky, although it was just drunks in a bar. You go, hey, he might beat this other guy in darts. Who gets excited enough to cheer and chant? You have to be betting on that. You have to be.

That's the only thing. Either that or their wives are always there cheering. Right. And we'll talk about that. Oh, really? There's groupies? They become public, these wives. Wow.

That's interesting, as we'll talk about. Don't worry about it. It's all there. Oh, this is great. He lost the semifinal 2-5 to the reigning BDO world champion Raymond Van Barneveld, whose nickname is Barney. Fine. His last name has almost Barney in it.

He's had enough of people doing what you just did. Yeah, exactly. He's a fucking Barney. Just call me Barney. He lost three of those sets on deciding legs, which I still don't know what that is. An announcer said, Raymond Barneveld.

Just Barney will do. Come on, Barney. It's enough. Hit that bullseye, Barney. Let's do it. Double 20ney will do. Come on, Barney. It's enough. Hit that bullseye, Barney. Let's do it. Double 20, Barney. Come on. Make this fucking happen.

So Mason loses to Barney here, and then he ends up beating Barney the next year. He beats him 3-1 in the first round, averaging over 100. I don't know what the fuck that means, but they were very excited about it. Apparently that was an accomplishment. He also beat Fordham, the Viking, when he was in need of a liver transplant. That's the other thing. You normally in athletics, you never saw Michael Jordan

come off the court and be like, you know, and it was a tough one, but thankfully Barkley's liver is very weak right now. He's in need of a transplant. So he only had 12 points tonight. So I could really dominate the game. A couple guys on that team need organs. I'm not going to lie to you.

So, you know, it's an easier run for me. Who do you credit? You know, I credit this to God and then also John Dis. Yeah. Well, LeBron, when they beat the Warriors, he was like, thankfully, Steph Curry is in desperate need of a kidney transplant. Do you see how mustard colored he is right now? That's not normal, by the way. He's very black.

You can't discern the color between his face and his jersey at this moment. That's the problem, yes. Never happens. That's how you know it's not a sport. If you can play it well while in liver failure, I feel like that's not a good sport. That's not a real sport, maybe. While in liver failure, I feel like that's not a good sport. That's not a real sport, maybe.

We're playing near a window so that I can open the window and get the sunlight, because that's how I got my kid to not be all jaundiced. We just put him out there. So he beats Barney in the first round, averaging over 100. He also beats Fordham again. He beats Fordham now, the Viking in the quarterfinals before losing to another fat fuck named Ted Hankey, 4-5. Ted Hankey's nickname is

The Count. Okay. One, two, three fat fucks. Three fat fucks playing darts. One, two, three, 400 pounds. 400 pounds of dart player. One, two, three, four hundred pounds. Four hundred pounds of Dart Blair. One, two, three organ transplants required.

What's his fucking name, though? Ted Hankey, the Count. Just go buy the Christmas poo, man. It's so much better. Go buy Spanky or anything. There's so many ways. Go buy Tom Hanks. I don't give a fuck if you're Ted.

It's not the Count when you're a fat fuck. It doesn't make sense. This match holds the 180 record for a nine-match set with 38 180s hit in the match, 16 of them from Mason marking the second consecutive year that he had lost to the eventual champion in the semifinals. I didn't understand a fucking word of that, except that he always lost to the guy who won the tournament. Okay, so it sounds like if there's 180s, then you have three times to throw three darts, and the person with the highest total wins. That's what it is, because he hit triple 20. No, you just throw three darts, and the highest total wins. That's what it is.

So he hit triple 20 three times. The match holds the 180 record for a nine- nine match set with 38 180s in the match. Wow. 16 of them from Mason. He hit 16. That means he hit triple 23 times 16 times. I don't know. It's got to be.

That's the only way 180 adds up. It makes sense. And I thought of that too. And I'm like, yeah, but who the fuck knows? It could be said. That's incredible. A bunch of British people are laughing at us right now. These dumb fucking assholes. If that's true, that tiny little rectangle that is triple 20, to hit that fucker three times.

It's pretty impressive. I would venture to say it's smaller than the fucking bullseye, which is 50. I think it's the same height, but wider, I think. It's fucking crazy. Because you could do either way. That's intense. Mason keeps losing to people. He's always the bridesmaid, never the bride here.

Always the bridesmaid to a fat guy who needs a liver transplant, too. So that makes it a little harder. It stings more. You know what I mean? It's fucking jaundice. It stings a little more. So in 2000. Unbelievable. In 2000, he becomes the Irish Masters champion, wins a tournament there.

I think it's like an Open, though. It's hilarious that the biggest injury of darts is his liver failure. The shrinking injury. Jesus Christ. He reached the semifinal of the BDO's other tournament, the Win Mao World Masters in 2000, and lost to the eventual champion, who is John Walton, known as John Boy, obviously. Yeah, of course. His daughter, Gypsy, is also born in 2000, which, again, sounds like a dog's name.

And now he's got three kids? Yeah. Here, Gypsy. That sounds like you'd call your dog to run out of the river and come on, let's go. Now, here's an interesting thing that happens this is when shit gets uh very public for him and people start to know who the fuck he is uh for a reason so at this point like we said he just had a daughter named gypsy and he's had three kids because he's been married this whole time to a woman he's from bristol by the way and he's married to a woman who's also from Bristol that he's been with for a long time since all this started named Lisa. Okay.

Now, before Gypsy was born, while Lisa was pregnant with Gypsy, apparently Chris left his wife while she was pregnant for another woman. And we know this because afterwards she came out and told the newspaper all about it and what a piece of shit he is. And just basically they had a Jerry Springer show in the papers. Afterwards, she came out and told the newspaper all about it and what a piece of shit he is. And just basically they had a Jerry Springer show in the papers. Holy shit. It is fucking crazy here.

She said that he left his pregnant wife for her, left her while she was pregnant for a woman from Wexford named Lorna Murphy, who he's with for a while here, while he met while taking part in a darts tournament in Rosslar Strand a few months before this. Now, she, Lorna, the new woman, is an employee of the Wexford Tourism, employee of Wexford Tourism in the county hall, apparently. That's her thing. So she does, like, helps, I think, the town with their PR for tourism and shit. I guess the part of the tourism is, I don't know,

come here and fuck me if you're a darts player. I have no idea what it is. But this woman... Do you like darts and pussy? Come on in. So this woman here, she thinks she's just going out with this darts guy and everything's fine.

She wakes up on a Sunday morning to find her whole life spread out on the newspaper, including samples of email messages that she had sent to him. Oh, this guy. So it's just, yeah, it's all out in the open now. What a scumbag. Yeah, so while this was happening, Lisa, his wife at the time, was expecting the third child who would become Gypsy. And so she was so mad, she went to the highest circulating paper she could find, basically, to tell them all about it. And everybody felt sorry for her, the whole fucking thing here. Also, I would hate to be Lorna.

Yeah. Also because, you know, I mean, she shouldn't be, I guess, taking husbands away from people, but at the same time, it's not her fucking fault. She didn't marry this lady, and now all of her shit is on the front page of the paper. Everybody, as she said, everyone at work was talking

about it. Everyone in the whole town was talking about it. She was completely embarrassed, although the tabloid did compliment her and calling her a stunning Irish blonde. At least they compliment her. She is pretty too. I've seen pictures of her. She's very pretty. This is great here.

There's a journalist who doorstepped him, which I think just means coming uninvited to the house. Quote, the town house land apartment complex this was in Wexford town where he had been staying with his new girlfriend. He says, let's do it in their own words on this one. In their own words, quote, I actually left my wife last year.

I left her a few times. I haven't just jumped ship, jumped ship. My relationship with Lorna isn't what you think it is. We're just good friends. We're not a couple. So now he's he leaves his wife to live with some hot blonde chick that he's not having sex with. We're just friends. Just friends. Yeah, I don't think so here. It's fucking funny, man.

Guys are such dicks. And this is like the talk of the town. He's got like a fancy Mercedes that he comes in and out and like that everybody looks at. Like this is like a small town. They're like, oh, he's the famous guy is banging the hot girl in town and they're all here. And it's just ridiculous. No, no, no. We're just friends.

Yeah. We're just friends. This is like a blue collar kind of town. And we're so dumb. We think people are just going to believe it. That's fucking funny. The article also made fun of Wexford, the town

itself, which I find hilarious, this article. This is the snarkiest article. Makes fun of him, makes fun of her, makes fun of the town. The journalist said, quote, it is hardly known for its nightlife. Locals spend their nights sipping pints in the pubs and there is just a handful of restaurants to choose from. They're just saying it's a very bleak place, basically.

We get drunk to live here. That's what we do. We have to drink to live here. We all do. Now, his ex-wife, or his soon-to-be ex-wife, whatever, said that she discovered that he was living there with this woman through the emails and through letters that were sent. She said, I cried when I saw those letters. Through all these years, I've stood by this man through thick and thin.

I supported him when he was poor. But as soon as he has hit the big time, he has just upped and left. But now I would never have him back. She says, quote, he's a rat and I hate him. So that's not great here. Now, later on, and I can't, I'm sorry, but multiple,

IMDB has this being in 2005 what's about to happen here, but all of these local papers have it in January of 2001, like reviews of the thing. So I don't know why the fuck it's not, I don't understand. Either in 2001 or 2005 this happened, but we're going to say in 2001. They did darts players' wives, okay?

Like they have footballer wives over there. Like they have the basketball wives here and all that. They did darts players' wives. Okay. As a TV show. As a TV show. Okay. As like a special.

And it was like a big salacious, everyone gave a shit. It's insane. Now back then, mind you too, in 2001, that was kind of an out there concept for a show. Like they didn't have shows like that in 2001. Yeah, I don't think they had that here. No, reality TV was new back then. It really was. It was just Survivor.

And the real world. And the real world, yeah. That's what it was. That was reality TV in 2001. So this was like even before the one with Paris Hilton or whatever the fuck they had. It was that. Simple Life. Yeah, Simple Life.

Even before that horse shit. Like, this is before all that. What a stupid title for that show. It's very fucking stupid. So fucking not simple, those bitches. Yeah, and so in this, they talk to Lisa Mason again. And on TV, she doesn't pull her punches any more than this. They were separated at this point.

TV, she doesn't pull her punches any more than this. They were separated at this point. And she said that of the darts circuit, she said, quote, you could count the ones on one hand that don't mess about. So she says they all fuck around on their wives. They're all a bunch of scumbags. And they cut to couples with him being like, I don't cheat on my wife. And she's like, we have

a great relationship, all these different darts players. It's fucking... They all say, they all cheat on their wives, except for mine. Except for mine, yeah. It's fucking. They all say they all cheat on the wise except for mine. Except for mine. Yeah. It's so funny here. It's I don't know.

They said that, you know, everybody kind of thought that anywhere anyway. But a lot of people actually thought that they were kind of I don't know. I don't know what the fuck it is. There's a kind of like and they look like trolls. A lot of these guys, maybe they thought they just go and and they'd shoot their darts and they'd drink their pints and they'd go home and that was it. But no, they were out trying to get ass too on the side. Lorna, she said, now this is his new girlfriend.

It's just such a man's world. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Especially in the British darts circuit. He got the Viking minus a liver and he's out there trying to score a boon. And successfully, probably. He's just, I can't move fast. You're going to have to be on top.

You're going to have to do this. What the fuck? So she said that that's actually bullshit, Lorna. She's like, they're not dogs, even though she just picked up one of their husbands here. She said, quote, that they're, quote, the most disciplined group of professional sportsmen i've ever met in my life there's a man who weighs 400 pounds who needs a new liver they are not disciplined is the worst word for that focused fine i'll get disciplined fuck no fuck no they drink while they play. That's not discipline. That's not discipline. At all.

Jesus Christ. You couldn't even get through it before I started laughing. It's so stupid. It's a ridiculous statement. They actually asked her how many other groups of professional sportsmen had you met, and she didn't have an answer for that. Out of the ones she's met, they're the most disciplined of all of those, which is just them.

How many do you know? Just darts players. Just one. But for them, one for one. It's a really fat guy minus a liver. That's what I know. So the darts players wives premieres. He is filmed.

Chris is in this with his new one to have a contrast between his ex-wife talking and him. Oh, yeah. He's filmed lying on his bed, hanging out while Lorna is ironing his shirts. So that's what he is. So he's really, I'm relaxing while this new broad I found is ironing my fucking shirt. This hot blonde Irish woman is being a maid for me. She said she was his support person, which I don't know what that means. But they're not together.

She irons his shit while he lays in bed, and it's ridiculous. So Jesus Christ, man. I'll put a shirt on once you iron it. She says, how many miles do you walk? She asks Chris, and Chris says, well, it's eight feet to the och. That's like the playing field. Ochi or ocha. I don't know what the fuck. Ocha, whatever the fuck. Och.

Whatever the fuck that is. It's eight feet, so that would be where it comes from, the root of that word. And you might walk 15 feet back, he says basically. He says figure approximately two miles for five hours of play, if you add it up, basically. That's what you're doing. You're walking two miles if you play for five hours. Fuck you. No, you're approximately two miles for five hours of play, if you add it up, basically.

That's what you're doing. You're walking two miles if you play for five hours. Fuck you. No, you're not. No, you're not. Horseshit. And you're not taking full step. You're reaching out.

You're grabbing them. That's like telling a guy on his deathbed who is 88 years old, who lived a very full life, so you have walked two million miles in your lifetime. Do you know that? And he'd be blown. That's not. No, he hasn't. Collectively, you've taken so many rests.

Well, she was trying to say how good a shape they're in. She's like, see, she's like, they're disciplined and they're in great shape. Obviously, total discipline here. Two miles, eight feet at a time. The reviewer of this actually though says that uh he puts his own opinion here this reviewer he says a friend of mine who's a writer uh argued that on an average day at the computer screen uh he might put in three miles with going to the kitchen making tea checking if the postman's been popping out for the paper uh then chris has a good

line he says we're just fit in a different way that's what says, we're just fit in a different way. That's what he says. We're just fit in a different way. We're fat fucks, but we can play. We're fit. In other words, not fit. That's a different way. Most people that are fit don't need liver transplants because they're so fat and drunk that they can't do that. And if anybody says we're fat shaming, fuck you.

We're fat shaming fat drunk men. And I will continue to fat shame fat drunk men until one of them smothers me with their giant carcass. I don't give a fuck. Fuck you. Or dies on his walkover. Exactly. I don't fucking care. We're not fat shaming women.

Fucking relax. Did this guy just have a kid? Fuck no. He's just a fat bastard. And they're so, like, this isn't, I'm not saying that a dude, like, I'm not saying that, I'm not calling Donald Trump a fat, he's fat. But that's. Fat fuck too. Right.

But we're talking. This is a different fat than that fat fuck. He had ham hocks hanging off his forearms. It's a different type of fat. He's so fat. It's so fat. It's hurting his organs. Right.arms. It's a different type of fat. He's so fat, it's hurting his organs. It's a fucking health hazard. Apparently, a guy who won BBC Sports Personality of the Year, Chris does not agree with this

decision. It's a guy named Steve Redmond, who's not a darts player, obviously, and he isn't in their own words about this shit, and it's fucking great. He says in their own words, quote, yeah, like, fair enough. Like, Steve Redmond did, like, all right at the Olympics, but he has no fucking personality, has he, like? Fucking, has he, like, like fucking me? It's meant to be a sports personality of the year,

isn't it? Well, then, why don't they fucking vote for someone with a fucking personality, like? It's like Alan Shearer. He has no fucking personality either, like. Not like Gaza. He has a fucking personality, like. and he says like after everything he says. That's I did not put those in there.

Good. That's an exact quote. Everything. No fucking personality. And he sounds like a hipster on a podcast. Yeah, exactly. Fuck personality. Lorna agrees. She nods vigorously while she irons.

It says here. I love the way the writer put this. Lorna nodded vigorously while she ironed, even while negotiating the armpit air holes in Chris's dart shirt. Wow. So, wow. He's got air holes so that he doesn't have pit stains? I think dart shirts, like bowling shirts, I think they do. Their shirts have got some technology in them.

Yeah, no shit. So, yeah, at this point, this is what the writer has his own shit to say his writer says and this is fucking great he says uh like if you have a toddler and are heavily pregnant and your darts professional husband leaves you for a skinny blonde woman who promises to give up her whole life because quote darts is his world do you a chuck yourself in the in the nearest river hire a hitman to sort him out, or C, sell your story to the news of the world in which you dismiss him as a pillock and say that you're, quote, well-rid?

So, yes. Superbly, they said Chris's missus opted for option C, which would you have gone for? But even if Chris is a darts love rat, which they call him for some reason, I don't know what that means. In wrestling, they call the groupies rats, but I don't know. It's an opposite rat. They say he's definitely a character and he's a personality. And this is a great line, too.

He says, even if you won't admit it, you know it's true. We all have a soft spot for unstable, sporty fruitcakes. I assume that means crazy sports guys. sporty fruitcakes. I assume that means crazy sports guys. Wow. Even if our sensible side is telling us to resist and give our sporty love to the Gary Linekers of this world. Whoever the fuck that is. I don't know.

His last appearance at Lakeside, which is some tournament, is to defeat Chris's first round defeat to Mervyn Young, or Mervyn King, I'm sorry, in 2001. His nickname is The King. That's not fun there.

Mason hit the perfect nine dart game in the last 32 stage of the Winmau World's Masters. Okay. His good friend Bobby George saw it and said, quote, it was okay apart from the treble 19 wasn't quite in the middle. I think he was,'s a like a wise ass thing like it was all right but he missed that by a quarter of an inch like type of thing oh so it's the trip so he had the triple 19 instead of the yeah they call it the treble 19 for some reason i don't know what the fuck that is either but it's fine it's english fuckers

yeah say it right now 2001 he won the england. In late 2001, news came through that most all of PDC televised tournaments would be closed off to players who did not play in the PDC World Darts Championship. As a result, he became, Chris became one of the, quote, Skol 6, S-K-O-L 6, like the chewing tobacco, who decided— Oh, that's S-K-O-L—O-A-L. O-A-L, yes, that's right. Skull, that skull is like in Norway, I think. Something like that. He decided to play in the PDC World Championships from 2002 onward so that they can continue to play in PDC televised events.

So he was one of the guys who was like, I'll play ball. I want to play in these other tournaments, so I'll play in the ones they're making me play in, basically tournaments, so I'll play in the ones that are making me play, basically. The Scottish Open. Only the two just said that because Don Perdomo drove the skull car. Did he really? Perfect. That's fucking perfect.

All right, go on. Sorry. Oh, man. So the Scottish and English Open titles uh he he won those mason was uh phil taylor's was playing against phil taylor in the 2002 world match play when taylor hit the first nine dart finish to be televised live on british screens great that was a big deal uh so basically he was gonna win and this guy pulled off the ultimate miracle that's never happened before and beat him so like he can't fucking win this m this guy pulled off the ultimate miracle that's never happened before and beat him.

So he can't fucking win, this Mason guy here. He then lost in the first round of the 2002 PDC World Championship to Dave Askew, but reached the quarterfinals in 2003, losing to the eventual champion, Jean Part, also known as, quote, Darth Maple. Oh, no. Is that a badass Canadian? Fuck, man. Now. What a fucking dick. Shit gets weird right about now.

It's not even close. You don't get to do that. No. So he has a friend named Mark Gibson. Okay. Okay. Mark Gibson has an ex-girlfriend named Doris. Yeah.

Okay. I'm sorry. He has an ex-girlfriend named Jane Graham. Okay. Okay. Mark Gibson has an ex-girlfriend named Doris. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. He has an ex-girlfriend named Jane Graham. Okay. Okay. They have a Yorkshire Terrier named Doris. Got it. Okay.

The dog is Doris. Yes. So they break up, Mark Gibson and Jane Graham. She gets the Yorkshire Terrier Doris. All right. He's got, she ends up getting engaged to a new man, last name of Harley. Got it. Okay.

He's got – she ends up getting engaged to a new man, last name of Harley. Got it. OK? So Harley here, he doesn't like the dog because the dog is aggressive and tries to bite him all the time and it won't stop barking ever. So he's pissed off. He doesn't want this dog. So Gibson, rather than take the dog back or find a home for the dog, Gibson decided that he would round up a couple of his friends and turn up at the guy's house. So this Gibson guy gets a couple of his friends, including Mason here, Chris Mason and another

friend, Chris Mason and his brother, not Chris Mason's brother, Gibson's brother. So the two Gibson boys and Mason, they grab a baseball bat and two hammers and gibson says to them come on boys let's do him no and they go to this guy's fucking house to get a yorkie to get a yorkie not to get a yorkie to kill the yorkie no what to be pissed off at this guy for not liking the yorkie not let's do the dog let's go get this mr harley he said my yorkie's annoying let's murder him, basically is what they did. Yeah, this makes no fucking sense, okay? So they go over to his

house. I was terrified we were killing a Yorkie. No, we're killing a man instead, which is worse than a fucking Yorkie. Yorkie has a one-ounce brain. Sorry. It will never help anyone. Woman on the plane going out to one of the West Coast cities we went to had a tiny tiny

dog that weighed four pounds and it was just trembling the whole time and she says it's an emotional support it's a support dog and i'm like all right whatever she says he can sense epilepsy i went really this fucking dog was shaking and pissing and didn't know where the fuck it was does it know it has epilepsy he can also sense low blood sugar. I said, what does it do? Shake and piss? Is that how it fucking tells you? Because you are low and about to fucking have it. This dog just looked at us.

It didn't know where it was. It could barely stand up. Shut up, okay? No, the dog didn't sense shit. That's hilarious. So anyway, they head over to the house. Not that we want a dog to die, but they're going to fucking try to kill a man here. They set over to the house and pool and they force their way in the house. First of all, which isn't great.

They apparently rained blows upon this man, Neil Harley, who's a scaffolder and made him look like what police described as, quote, something out of a horror movie. Wow. After they forced their way into his home. Because he said a dog is annoying. He didn't like the dog because it tried to bite him and barked at him. So, Jesus Christ. The police end up... Was the dog there

just barking at the guy? Probably the whole fucking time. He's probably just petting the dog the whole time. It's okay, Fluffy. He's beating him with a hammer. The dog was on the ground just trying to bite the guy's feet. Beating the shit out of him. Finally, I can get at him.

The police about this said, quote, the trio rained blow after blow on Mr. Harley's head and body, leaving the walls of the house splattered with blood and him a bleeding mess. Yeah, he survives it, this guy. He survives it.

This guy. He tells the court that he thought he would die in the attack. He said, quote, I did not think I was going to make it. One of them said, you're going to die now. And I believed it. So, yeah, I guess fucking so. Afterwards, Chris covered in fucking blood after a hammer attack on a guy. Covered in blood.

Hands covered in blood, went over to a friend's house and joked about the attack while he had some beers. Came over all bloody like, ah, I'm going to need to wash my hands and got me a lager out of the fridge and let's get to cracking. What the fuck? Grab me a pint, mate. I need to wash this off in your pool. All three men are charged with aggravated burglary.

I don't know how attempted murder is not in there, but okay, sure. Because they said the dog did it. Wow, man. Oh my God. So they get him in front of a judge who refuses bail for all three of them. Mason said, hey, come on, let me

get bail. And he said, you have three prior assault convictions, asshole. No, this is what you do, apparently. He says that he's also refusing bail because all three of them are likely to face substantial jail time when sentenced and he doesn't want them running away. The maximum is life in prison for

this, by the way. For almost beating a man to death in the street. But it's robbery. But it's still robbery. Super weird. His lawyer, Mason's lawyer, said, quote, his sponsors have withdrawn their support and television work is no longer available to him. You're killing him. Let him out.

Yeah. Well, you're in jail. It's kind of hard to work. Linen Kugel's not giving him his pints anymore. He's not getting his pints for free. April 2003, they had Harley in court, Mr. Harley there, and he said that he thought he would die. They said also Mason here said that he wasn't trying to beat the man. He was trying to stop the fight.

He was trying to jump in on his behalf. He only grappled with Mr. Harley here to stop the fight. Meanwhile, there's two other guys with weapons. Maybe grab them first before the man who's probably fleeing for his life. Yeah. So all three of them are found guilty in April of this. So in June is sentencing. Judge Keith Cutler tells Mason while he's standing in front of him, quote, you went into the house simply to join in on the attack. The scene in that house must have been horrific. That's clear by the blood staining on the walls. You went over the top and punched the already severely bloodied Neil Harley when you didn't need to.

You, sir, may fuck off. Gives him three years in prison. Life is on the table. Life. He gets three years. He does the Gibson boys here. The Gibson boys get six and five years, respectively, here, Mark and his brother. Mason will only do a year in jail, though.

Wow. Only going to do a little over a year for this infraction, which he almost beat a man to death with a hammer. I think it's probably more than a year you want to give him. Not just nearly killing a man with a hammer. Nearly killing a man with a hammer over something that doesn't fucking matter. And no one should ever get beaten for it, whether it has to do with you or not. That's what it is. No one stole anything from anyone or tried to hurt someone's kids or anything.

Someone said, your dog's a dick. Let's do him, guys. You got the bat. I got a hammer. Let's go get him. I'm like, the fuck? You can hate my dog all you want. I won't kill you for it.

Your dog sucks, and we're going to fucking murder you for it. He's going to murder you for it, even though it's my dog, and you don't like him. So late 2004, like late summer 2004, he gets out of prison. In 2005, they're doing articles about him. They're like, well, he missed most of the tournaments in 2003 and 2004 with a prison sentence, which is fucking funny. He returns to play in the 2004 World Grand Prix in October and gets to the quarterfinals of the event, losing to Steve Beaton. He reaches the quarterfinals of a few other events, including the 2005 UK Open, 2006 Las Vegas Desert Classic. Jesus, they let him over here?

Steve Beaton? Fuck, Steve Beaton. Yeah. Beaton is cock. Yeah, no. Every time he wins, he goes, you've been baiting. You've been baiting. 2006 World Match Play he plays in.

In Vegas. Yeah. 2006, he gets a four-month darts ban. Banned for playing darts for four months and a $750 fine for swearing at Phil Taylor during their World championship match. Taylor says this. He says the third round had been going on there, and Mason had been criticizing Taylor in a national newspaper

by saying that he's not a man of the people and all he cares about is money and all this shit. He said that Taylor has a Bentley, and what the fuck do you need a Bentley for? Meanwhile, he's got like a $120,000 Mercedes and he drives around in it. What the fuck, man? So it doesn't matter. It's the same car. So he said that Taylor said about him, about Mason, because when they found out that they were going to, in the tournament, face each other, Mason, they asked him, well, what if

Mason talks shit to you because he's been swearing about you all the time? Taylor said, quote, I'm not going to put up with it. It's all filth. So he's not taking any shit. So this is fucking nuts here. This is fucking – this guy has 13 world titles, this Phil Taylor. He talked of quitting darts because he was pissed off at this whole thing. And he said the sport isn't what it used to be, which is, Phil Taylor is an asshole, too, by the way.

Phil, it's exactly what it used to be. It's stupid. Yeah. So, during the match, Taylor said, quote, during the match, he was arguing with the crowd. This is about Mason. And at the end, he effed and blinded at me. So, I guess he said, fuck you or something. I didn't like it.

There's no need for that. That's like a big British beef. He said, quote, I don't want it. If they're going to do that, then don't invite me again because I'm not going to play with people who are going to F and blind at me. What is that? I don't know. Is that like a dab? Yeah, I think so. It's one of those. Yeah. He said, quote, I shook his hand and went to go, and he said, don't effing something else. I don't like it, and I won't put up with it. So they said what Taylor could do about it, and he said, I'll just walk away. Keep the game.

I don't want it. I'm not going to listen to filth when I'm trying my hardest. I put 18 years of my life into this game, and I won't be talked to like a piece of dirt. I won't put up with it. You can get someone else to take my place because I'm not putting up with it anymore off of people like him. I'll see him. I'll see him upstairs in a minute and we'll see how big and brave he is. Oh, he said, I've had it for the years of the for the years of the players.

It's silly. That's how you end a threat in British. It's silly. That's how you say I'm going to kick his ass upstairs. He's being silly. But you better watch out if there are hammers around, sir. Yeah. Don't say that shit to a man that almost killed somebody for saying a dog sucks.

Yeah, that's no shit. You just called him silly. That's way worse than saying his friend's dog sucks. Yeah, no shit. You're going to get a hammer attack. He also says, as Phil Taylor says, that players have been talking shit to him for years for having so much money because he always wins. And he says, quote, they don't work hard enough and they're blaming me for their mistakes. It's not my fault.

I'm just a working class man who has done well for myself. So Mason. Sounds like comedy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You have no idea where I'm from. Right. So afterwards, Mason swears at him.

He had the whole deal. After he finds out he's going to get in trouble for this, Mason, he says, quote, I would like to publicly apologize to Phil Taylor for my post-match outbursts. I make no excuses for my behavior and the words I chose to use. So he is I'm going to ban you. You're going to ban me? Listen, I'm thoroughly, I'm thoroughly sorry.

I apologize. He said, I would also like to apologize to the Professional Darts Corporation, the Professional Darts Players Association, and its members and tournament sponsors, Ladbrokes, for any embarrassment caused by my post-match actions. I hope that if any charges are brought against Phil Taylor, that it is taken into consideration that I caused

his reaction due to him dismissing my efforts in this year's World Championship and in our match. So, yes, Phil Taylor did not get in trouble for what he said, actually. Phil Taylor said silly. He said he's a dick, actually. But it's very. Taylor said said silly. He said he's a dick. Right.

You said, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck this guy. Ridiculous, man. But Mason refuses to apologize for the altercation he had with a spectator who he said just kept fucking with him during the match. He said, quote, I will not apologize for my actions at a member of the audience who barraged me with abuse and personal insults. Where is the security, therefore?

And he said, let's do it in their own words on this part because it's fun. In their own words, quote, I took serious abuse before the match and in the advertising breaks. I will not tolerate this for members of the audience. And this part of the sport needs looking at as this is far from the first time this has happened. And this part of the sport needs looking at as this is far from the first time this has happened. The order we do not receive now assembles a football match with chance of abuse and personal insults. I hope this can be dealt with swiftly and simply.

He also says at this point they offered him to be in Celebrity Big Brother, Mason, but he doesn't think it's right because of the bad publicity that's going on. He says it's just going to make it worse. of the bad publicity that's going on. He says it's just going to make it worse. He said, quote, I feel to receive a considerable amount of money due to the past week's exposure would be in bad taste and undermine my sincere regret. So he's not going to capitalize off of that. Oh, wow. Because of the character. That's why they want him on that show.

Just like any other fucking reality show where they need a dickhead. That's it. And what he said, yeah, he's the asshole. What he said to cause all this in the beginning was, quote, the other day Phil was going on about how he could not get a set of tables and chairs in his Bentley. What does he want a Bentley for? It's pathetic, absolutely pathetic. That caused Taylor to get pissed and him to swear at Taylor.

Yeah, swear at Taylor. So this whole thing here, yeah, he's suspended. Taylor gets fined, actually, out of of this too mason is fined 750 pounds and handed a four-month ban like we said and uh taylor was fined 400 pounds for using inappropriate and unacceptable language during a television interview following the match he dropped a silly he dropped a silly on that one now uh on the taylor feud let's do an in their own words on this one this is after it's all, first it's all apologies, and then once the suspension's up, now he's like, you know what, let me tell you what I really think. Let's get a real in their own words.

In their own words, quote, I guess I'm a rough diamond. When I'm crossed, I don't talk. I do something about it. You know, like grab a fucking hammer and go over the guy's ass. We'll even get a lion in a pool of his own blood for saying a dog sucks. Jesus. That's just the person I am.

I've not changed over the years. If anything, I'm more stubborn, but I believe that part of my character is what can make me a winner again at darts. I've been an idiot magnet, and I believe I've done my time, yet I'm treated horrifically by people that never let me forget my past.

This clash with Phil wasn't my fault. After he beat me 4-0, he pulled away from our handshake, and I told him, don't treat me like a fucking mug. Fuck off. And he said he'd see me outside. I waited for an hour, but he never came. Oh. He said I backed up. No, he's like, listen, bitch.

Yeah. You said wait outside. I fucking waited. 2005, he wins the Vauxhall Open. 2006, he moves from Kilkenny to Stoke-on-Trent. He moves from Ireland to Stoke-on-Trent in late 2006. Apparently, so he can practice with a guy named Andy Hamilton. However, after he gets there, he's there a very short amount of time,

and Hamilton switches to practicing with Phil Taylor. So he cheated on him there. And there's also they broke off a mentoring relationship he had with somebody else. These darts have, like, mentoring relationships. Like, Japanese wrestling has, like, the young boys that would carry everybody's shit. It's the same type of thing. Like, you have, like, a mentor. 2006, he wins the West Tyrone Open and the UK Regional Open.

2007 World Championship, he criticizes Phil Taylor again and this whole thing. And after he talks shit about the whole thing that happened last time, they're still doing – they're still going on and on about it. At this point too, Mason in 2007 becomes one of ITV's announcers for the inaugural Grand Slam of darts. Yeah, so with Steve Beaton. Him and Steve Beaton and then him and Alan Warner,

who he also had a match with, who is now Alan Warner Little, because he got married and hyphenated his name. He took her name. He took her name on the end of that. So, yeah, this whole thing here. 2010, he retires from darts. Done. Retired from darts.

While he's commenting on the 2010 Grand Slam of darts, he announces that he intends to retire after the qualifying rounds of the 2011 PDC World Championships, saying that, quote, even if I do qualify, which is unlikely, the World Championships will be my swan song. So, yeah, he later declined his pro tour card for 2011, which means he can't play in any tournaments. He says that he may get back into darts, but it would be a very professional job, stating that he would begin to give 100% if he ever came back, because he's only given 70% so far in his career.

What a dick. Total asshole. If I come back, I'm really going to try. I'm really going to try because before, it's kind of half. Sure, I was good at it, but I wasn't really trying. If we come back and start doing podcasts again, we're really going to try this. I haven't been fucking really trying. I haven't been doing all this trying to figure darts out or anything like that.

Oh, fuck. It might be. Actually, he's retiring, not because he just doesn't feel like playing anymore. It's probably because in June of 2010, he was given a community order at the court for benefit fraud charges after he admitted to not declaring $45,000 in winnings in 2006 while claiming benefits from the state. Wow, so he's getting social security stuff. Yeah, so he's been arrested while he was preparing to compete at the UK Open, and then he decided, I guess I'm retired. Yeah.

So October 2011, it's all blown over, apparently, because there's a big fluff piece on him called Chris Mason turns over a new leaf. He's good now. He vowed his bad body days are behind him. He's ready to work out. He said, quote, all the wrongs I did, I want to put right. And that means being the ultimate professional. I came so close to becoming a world champion.

I had to live with that for years. And all those negatives had to go somewhere. I know how I ended up in the dark part of my life, which took me away from what I should be doing, which is playing darts. But everyone should be allowed to move on and deserves a second chance. I'm keen to play again. It's been like waiting for Christmas. I'm working on a book, but the only thing that's holding it back is the ending.

There isn't a happy one at the moment. Stay tuned. We'll see if that ever fucking happens. So he was working on a book that, by the way, has never come out. He's working on a fucking book. So now he's, Jesus Christ, he's got multiple assault charges. He beat a man half to death with a hammer because he didn't like his friend's dog. What a ridiculous thing to do.

And after all of that, he gets off and only gets a year, which he should have gotten fucking more. He ends up getting off on a year. So what does he do? Fucking ruin his career and retire from his career because he doesn't claim some money while he's lying and taking benefits. Fucking asshole sitting there. Oh, this guy pisses me off. He really does.

I just see him in a fucking pub. He's just playing darts and acting like he's important while he's doing it. Like, yeah, I'm practicing my job, man. He's doing that. While he's doing that, the door swings open. All that light floods in, you know, like in Nashville when they carried that half dead man outside the light floods in and all he sees is a silhouette of a big hat and a big fur coat and it's estevez jones 70s blaxploitation film villain and mma fighter and he says motherfucker how is it you come to arrive here?

Man, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? First of all, you know what? I'm going to give you some credit. Now, you found a motherfucking way to make your job in a bar. All right, that's cool. Now, I hang out in bars, too, because that's where I get my girls. And I think they come in, they give me the money. But you, man, you fuck this shit all up.

Man, what the fuck? Who the fuck cares if that dude don't like his dog? Man, what the fuck I have to do with you? Huh? What the fuck is wrong with you, man? You had some shit going. You had some pimp shit. You had some woman ironing your motherfucking shirts while your ex-wife be bitching and shit.

And you fucking blew that shit, man. Fuck you. You white motherfucker, crack-ass, English, limey, cocksucker. Poof. And in a puff of leopard skin and gold chains, he's gone. And free condoms. And Chris is really confused. He's like, was he even?

He's not British. Who the fuck was that? Was that a 70s American pimp in here? I don't understand that at all. So it's November 2011. Chris makes a comeback, obviously, because now he needs money. And that whole thing blew over. He says he's not a reformed character, but he's even more fired up.

He suffered badly from depression while he didn't play. And this is an explanation of why he's coming back and why he retired in the first place. Yeah, we need a story for sure. We need an explanation. In their own words, quote, that's what finished me, really, the depression. I couldn't cope with it. I suffered a few big, really, the depression. I couldn't cope with it. I suffered a few big defeats from Phil, and I couldn't deal with it. I thought I was a complete fruitcake, but I had a mental illness.

Now, I believe I've got the mental strength to deal with pressures. I've stopped smoking, and I'm fitter than ever. If I didn't think I could get back to the pinnacle, I wouldn't even consider it. I've this evil streak that wants to win again. There's a five million pound prize money in the PDC circuit now. I want my slice of that. So he's trying to get in there. He's trying to get back to it.

There is five million dollars to be split up amongst all these fat fucks. For drinking and throwing darts. At some point they banned drinking. I don't remember when it was. In the late 2000s at some point they banned actually drinking while you're professionally competing. Jesus Christ, man. After the World Trade Center came down, they started. Like, that's what it is.

It's like that time period. In 2001, nobody was doing any of that shit in American sports. No, not at all. And these fucks are still drinking, professionally competing at something. Drinking on television. So it's like when you see in baseball in the 70s, guys are smoking in the dugout. You're like, that's not normal. That's weird.

So this is like an open thing, basically, to get on the circuit. Like they have the PGA Open. You play tournaments to get on the next open deal. Sure. Same thing. There's 64 players in this, not amateur, but in this, whatever this pool is. And the best 16 will have an opportunity to be mentored by Phil Taylor as part of the thing. And will win a place in the 2013 PDC.

Chris said the prospect of being mentored by Taylor is an interesting thing. He said it doesn't bother him. He said, quote, I've known Phil for more than 20 years. We did fall out once in what was a heated argument. I didn't act professionally, but I apologized to him afterwards, and we moved on. I've always said that if losing doesn't matter to you, then you shouldn't be playing.

I'm a competitive person and always will be. I know I'm starting from scratch, but I have the experience of playing competitively, and I'm only 42. So we'll see how these things progress. I can move my arm six inches forever. For a long time. Minus that last one. That's the only sport you can play in your fucking 70s.

It's fucking ridiculous here. So he goes to pubs to fucking practice here. He says he really wants to gain his tour card back. It's a great opportunity for amateur players. He says it's a fabulous opportunity to get involved as an amateur darts player and for the pubs to bring darts back to their venues. It's a great concept.

It's like a pub tour of amateurs that try to get on the main circuit here. 2014 in April, his estranged wife, Lorna, who's now his estranged wife, claims that she has had a nervous breakdown and is on the brink of suicide because he has breached an order to stop contacting her. Oh, boy. And he keeps contacting her.

She's on medication for depression, the whole deal. Apparently, he sent three messages in a month to his wife, who had all sorts of restraining orders and everything else. She has since been driven to the brink of suicide, the prosecutors say, by being afraid of him. He breached the non-molestation order, which is the best order ever. Don't molest her. Okay. Wow.

I guess. It's just great. It's hilariously phrased. It's amazing. They imposed a restraining order banning him from having any contact with her until April of 2016. So he's a little two years short of that one. He's also ordered to pay 85 pounds in courts and costs 60 pounds victim surcharge. It'll cost you 60 bucks to harass that woman.

To molest that woman. To molest her. He must carry out 50 hours of community service from this. He was hit with this order last year at family court and was not allowed to. So basically a three year ban on talking to her. The prosecutor said, quote, they are going through a divorce, which is making life difficult. And the process has made her ill. And she has had a nervous breakdown and is on depression medication.

She does not think she is coping and says that if it carries on like this, she will have another breakdown. If it wasn't for her daughter, she would end her life because of this defendant. Holy shit. That is a lot in court. Yes, they look at the judge, looks at him and says, we accept that you were frustrated, but you have breached the order three times. We will impose a restraining order on top of the non-melastation order, and we want

to make it certain you do not contact Lorna Mason in any way, shape, or form except through solicitors. It is your responsibility. This will be a period of two years to protect Lorna Mason. Stay the fuck away from your fucking wife, idiot. His lawyer, Mace's lawyer, said, quote, my client has no issues with his relationship breaking down. When it did, he left the marital home and everything in it, including a motor vehicle to her.

He has complied in the past and has been sober for six months and three weeks now. He is turning his life around. Yeah, he's good now. Good for him. He's good now. So, yeah. So he's beaten up people, fucked up a guy with a dog, embarrassed the entire sport of darts, almost drove Phil Taylor to retirement. That's a statement.

Yeah. Embarrassing the sport. Embarrassed darts. Almost drove their best player ever to fucking retirement while driving his wife to the brink of suicide with his shittiness. I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy, but not nearly as bad as I feel for Phil Taylor, content marketing guy in the greater New York City area. He's a senior advisor, head of content, brand strategies at Bird Dogs, whatever the fuck that is. He has over nine years of experience selling software.

Look at him. Nine years of experience selling software. Look at him. Chris Mason, associate professor at Weill Cornell Medical College in the greater New York area. He is a Yale University graduate with a fucking summary. We use high throw put sequencing based methods to generate cell specific molecular maps of genetic, epigenetic, and transcriptional. Holy shit. He's smart. He's fucking smart.

Or he beats dudes half to death with hammers. He's a post-doctoral research fellow at Yale University. This guy's killing it. Deputy manager at Revolution Bars Group PLC in Liverpool, UK. Look at that. That's another Chris Mason? That's another Chris Mason? That's another Chris Mason. He says, my philosophy is centered around fun, determination, and professionalism.

Yeah, I would say. Wow. And finally, Chris Mason, who's an actor known for Vampire Academy in 2014, Legend in 2015, and The Fades in 2011. And he's been married to a dude named Spencer Locke since last year. Good for you guys. Glad you're happy. January 2017 Chris is giving betting advice on darts.

His gig now is what do you bet on? Who's the drunkest? It's a fucking bar game. I bet he'll fall over first. Is there longevity in that betting too? Can you bet who's going to die of liver cirrhosis later? I think he's going to need the first organ. And he lists a bunch of guys.

Gary Anderson versus Michael Van Gerwen, final 9-2. Like, he has all these odds, and I have no idea what the fuck. Most 180s on something. If you get darts, whatever. So get into him. April 27, 2018. He's been a darts commentator for years now. And I found a review on the skysports.com sites complaint section.

I found a review of him. Don't know how I found this, but it's fucking amazing. This is, wow, this is written by a guy named Thatchers, or a person named Thatchers, and it is, quote, plural, quote, I cannot understand how you can have this person on your TV when he left his ex-wife for dead.

It was all over the papers and internet. Also, being in court for fraud, leaving his first ex-wife with children, also being in prison twice, he always looks drunk or on drugs on the TV. People like him should not be in front of millions of people. He is a disgrace. A lot of people switch off when he is on.

Please get rid of him and put someone respectable in his place. One star. One fucking star. Holy shit. That's amazing. That's a great review. Somebody just took our podcast and whittled it down. And put it in three sentences.

Get him the fuck off TV. One star. That's what this podcast, that's the name of this show. One star. Holy shit. Can't get enough of Chris Mason? No, I can't. You can get Red Dragon Chris Mason 22 gram darts with gold Target Storm points.

Wow. Okay. His darts are rare for some reason, and they're super expensive. This pair or this set was bought on eBay for 80 pounds plus 15-pound shipping. So you're $115. That's a lot. There's a book, Chris Mason, Darts Player, by Russell Jesse that's out there. That's where I got a little bit of this stuff.

I don't want it. It's very hard to find. It's sold out on Amazon. It's fucking hard to find. And you can follow Chris Mason on Twitter. Awesome. At Chris180Mason. Oh, that bastard.

All he does is tweet about darts. Really? Chris 180. That's all he talks about. All he talks about is like, I think this guy's going to be the best darts player. There's never like, fuck my wife, the cops. It's never like Jason Miller live tweeting the SWAT team coming to his house. Kicking in his door.

Never happens like that. Just like this. Did he live tweet the beating of a man over a fucking top? I think he should have. Oh, I just hit him in the head with the hammer. My friend turned the bat on. The claw is stuck. Oh, it's stuck.

There's a lot of blood on the wall's picture. Let me Instagram this fucking blood. I could really use a Sam Adams right now. That would have been a hell of a Snapchat for him. Well, that's Chris Mason. That is British darts and darts in general. And I've been avoiding that for about six months because I don't know anything about darts,

but I think we had a fucking good time with it. Hope you found our ignorance charming. If you did, you can go to iTunes. You can give us five stars and tell us you're following instructions, following directions, or tell us that you want to be a fat guy who plays darts and needs a liver transplant. Whatever you want to do, you can do that. Tell us you enjoy jaundice.

That's perfect. If you want to donate to the show, like we said, and be an essential, awesome producer, like we're going to talk about in just a moment, you can do that by going to patreon.com slash crimeinsports or heading over to PayPal. Use our email address, crimeinsports at gmail.com. You can make a one-time donation, and we are over the moon blown away by every cent that we get. If you want to get a hold of the show, in addition to that email address, you can use crimeinsports, at crimeinsports on Facebook, on Twitter.

Just look up crimeinsports, and you will find us there. You can do that. And, Jimmy, please, please hit us with the list of the most amazing, essential, wonderful, and fantastic people in the world. Give it to me now. This week we've got a fucking – just a load of people, obviously. Amazing load. Because we had to skip a week. Yeah, we couldn't do it live.

It's two weeks and it's extra, it seems like, just because people went out of their way to help us. They were so great to us. Thank you. Executive producers are Jennifer Slack, Talitha Hennessey, Aaron Cox, Nicole Jason, who actually donated twice through Patreon and then gave us a big donation over on PayPal. That's amazing. Thank you so much. Katie Heisel, who goes out of her way to make maps and then come to live shows and hang out with us,

and then donated on top of that. Thank you. You're such a nice person. That was amazing. Thank you, Katie. It was really nice to meet you, too. Truly. Carrie Clark and Chrissy Ann Costaldi never stops.

She's always around. Thank you so much, Chrissy. Amazing. You're always incredible, Chrissy. Thank you. You're so great. And then Ara Abraham. I almost got it.

Abrahamian? Abrahamian. I'm Era Abraham. Oh, I almost got it. Abrahamian? Abrahamian. I'm an Abrahamian. Right. It's Abraham with I-N on the end. Principles of Abraham. Thank you, Ara. I appreciate it.

Or Era. Danny and Pat came to New York, and fuck, they were so amazing. Thank you guys so much. And Jesse and Drew in Mississippi. Oh, yeah, nice hanging with you in Nashville. Thank you. They drove up to Nashville. Thanks for your help on that one. Yeah, for real. You guys made that

show pretty awesome. Tiffany came up to Nashville also because she was there for CrimeCon and took pictures for us. Tiffany was awesome and her husband Chuck, too. Thank you, Chuck, for coming out and hanging with us. Otilia Abraham, thank you very much. Lee Cummings, who's actually a

Phoenix comic. She donated to it. Oh, we know her. Yeah, Lee's the best. Thank you so much, Lee. Thanks, Lee. She's so cool. Whitley Engledocken. Sorry for all the Mormon jokes, Lee.

That's true. Yeah, sorry about that. Jesse Hartman donated twice in the last two weeks. Thank you, Jesse. Regine Montluis, or Montluis. I'm not sure which it is. Nicole Danzer, who's been around for a while also. Thank you.

Diana Price. Kendra Andell. Stacey Rushworth donated twice. Thank you, St also. Thank you. Diana Price, Kendra Andell, Stacey Rushworth donated twice. Thank you, Stacey. Thank you, Stacey. I was going to thank Rushworth. Maybe. Thank you, Rushworth.

Thank you. Joshua Cass, 40-tipper. I imagine they drink a lot of 40s. I don't know what that is. Olivia Garrett, Jason Fuller, who's fantastic. We love him, Jason. Thanks, man. Thank you for the shirts and the hats, Jason.

I got to send you something. Thank you. Sarah Fletcher, Paul Roost, who makes all the memes and stuff. He donated twice. Thank you. Lorraine Schwinson. Schwinso. That's what it is.

It's a W. Either way, it's a tough last name. Jason Aselta is around everywhere. Thank you, James. Appreciate you being around. Did I say Jason Aselta? I think you did at first. I meant James. Thanks, James.

Either way. Robert Burns donated three fucking times this past week. Thank you so much, Robert. Edward Gao, Athena Patel, Shannon Russell, Asheria, mother son of a bitch. Asheria Rangviv

Takic. No. It's not right. But Asheria, Asheria, thank you Takic. No, it's not right. But Asheria, Asheria, thank you so much. Thank you. Nicholas Mahmood, Connie Young, Under the Sea Fabrics. She donated twice also. Thank you. Matthew Rodman, Kate Myers, Cameron Lansford, Courtney Pentecost, Seth Kuehl, Chris Voss,

Abigail Stenner, Nicole Cross, Carol Chan, Mary Faust, Leonie Nylon, Sarah McCullough, times two. Thank you so much, Sarah. Fucking incredible. Thank you so much. That's amazing. Above and beyond. We appreciate it. Kristen Quintaliani.

That's what it is. That's a good one. I knew that one. Randy Jin, Carol Braun, David Evans, Barbara Pagani also donates, she donates so much thank you Barbara, domestic goddess at your service, I don't know what that is, I imagine she'll clean your house, I think, I don't know Sigrid

Wellhausen, yeah, Sigrid Wellhausen Marissa Wells, Kim Hodgkiss, Altair Mining Marissa Wells is around a lot too and so is Jake Labier, thank you both so much Janice Hill, Ted Cyrus again. Thank you, Ted. Zachary Pelletier.

Robert Lipinski. Janice Hill, I think I said that. Lorenda Lieber. Lara Sauter. Elizabeth Rutke. Nicholas Heitman. Mariah Minheer. That's the one over in Norway.

No, it's not Norway. Fuck. I always forget where she is. Neelu Rafsanjani. She's a bodybuilder up in San Francisco. She came to a show. She's awesome. Thank you so much, Neelu.

Wyvern Workshop. I don't know what that is. Maria Chachir. Chachir. Chachiri. Tan Kim. She came to the San Diego show. Oh, yeah.

Thank you, Tan. Nice to meet you. December Theron. Toddashiri, Tan Kim. She came to the San Diego show. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Tan. Nice to meet you. December Theron, Todd Crago, times two. Thank you so much, Todd. Heather Chamness, Matthew Wint, Cassandra Meyer, also two weeks in a row. Wow, amazing. Steven Mace. I think that's also, is that Doug Mace?

I think so. That's the guy. Doug Mace is the one that brought that shit to Philly, that big-ass bottle of beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was insane. No, I think that's the same dude. If it's not Stephen and Doug, thank you both. Ira – fucking, I wrote this really terribly.

Ira Poitian. What did I do there? Is that an A or an I or an R? Poi Poitian. I think that's right. Stacey Johnson. We're moving on because I'm an idiot. Teresa Schuschenflug.

Molly Glenn. Cassandra Meyer. I think I said her already. Sarah Jackman. Diana. Diana. What am I doing? Diana Libman.

Diane. And then Diana McCann. Rob Medersky, who came to, which one did he come to? I think it was New York. Yes, I think so. I'm pretty sure it was New York. He came with his daughter. Thank you both so much.

Rohit Sharma, he also sent us shirts that are hand-painted. Oh, that's amazing. Thank you, Rohit. Thank you. Michelle Leposki, Shandell Whitney, Oak Tree Selling, I'm not sure what that is, Angela Wells, Emily Allen, Jade Hughes, Michelle Kreider, Sarah Toste, thank you so much, Sarah, Mariela Rosas, Steve Tancredi. I don't know. Ben Richards. Craig Ventura. Laura Culpepper. Nicole Roxborough.

Kate Myers. I think I said that one also. Tater Dightline. Tater Dightline? I think they're trying to fuck with me. Probably, yeah. I'm pretty sure they're trying to fuck with me. Mackie Daly. Dana Bartram. Thank you so much, Dana, you're terrific. Eric Mauger, Brandis Kapischke, that's it. Nina Tedeschi, Renee Miller, Meg Dainty, Jeffrey Geiler, Mary Hunt, Dorothy Crawford, Sarah Fletcher, Sierra Steiner, Laura King, Lauren King, Curtis Vasech, Nikki

Eisenhower, and the Emotional Badass Team. I'm not sure what that is, but thank you all so much. Thank you. We'll take it. Thank you. Sarah Duguia, Megan Smith. She's so fantastic. Thank you so much, Megan.

Jason Mateo, Karen Lambiasi, Barbara Pagani, Ryan or Rain? Rain Finch? I think it's Rain. Could be Ren. Could be Ren Finch. I'll bet it's French. I'll bet that's Ren Finch. Oh, man.

I bet I'm wrong. That's probably wrong. Jenny Edwards, Diana Selliers, Juanima Van Zandt, Mariana Hender, Allison Abernathy, Elizabeth Heitbrink, Emily Shearhorst, Kay King, Brie Ryan up in Montana. Thank you so much, Brie. Vanessa Lafoya, Megan Nicholson, Amy Pohanek in Denver is fucking fantastic. Yes, thanks. Thank you so much, Amy.

Thanks, Amy. True Crime Clothing, Brandon Coffrin, Robert Tesser, Sarah Peterson, Sarah Hogan, Toby Douglas, Randy, Ben Kratzley, Elliot Varagon, Roy J., Hager, holy mother what, Svel... Hager Svel... Svelen... I'm just going to go. I'm going to slam through it. Ready? Svelen Uzees or Wiskin?

Perfect. I think you nailed it, Jimmy. Melissa Allen in L.A. Thank you so much, Melissa. Adam Miller, Kendall Passmore, Michael Malone, Delaney Trotter, Mark O'Reilly, Jacqueline Hall, James Sear, or Kier? Shit. Robin Melissa Lane,

John Schweng, Michael Paul, Nikki Buckingham, River O'Brien, Bridget, with no last name, Mariah Kelly, Bradley Kaus, Susan West, Michelle Bowman, Danielle Wall, Brandon, no, it's Brian Woodman, Samantha Lotze, Diana Evans, Elizabeth Knox, Sarah Willis, Tyler Hawkins, Susie Platt, Harry Bridges. Is that fucking with me? Maybe not. That could be right.

That could be real. Harry Bridges. Yeah. Wouldn't be Bridges. It's a bit weird. Samantha Trubb. Harry Bridges. It wouldn't be Bridges. It's a bit weird. Samantha Trubach. Harry anything. Anytime somebody's name is Harry, it's just like...

Unless it's like Smokalopolis or something. You're like, they're fucking with me. Harry Banks, they're fucking with me, right? Kimberly Johnson. Nicole with no last name. Jamie Lynn. Ingrid Stock. Brenna Pink Pampina.

I don't know if that's a real name. I'm not sure. Sal Taylor Gowder, Stacy Langtoe, Anthony Perry, Doug Mace. That's their Doug. Kelly Higby, Laura Murr. Fan-fucking-tastic of you. Thanks, Laura. Thank you so much for coming around with us from show to show.

Thanks for coming to all those shows. It was great to see you. She followed us like the dead. We appreciate it. Right, it was amazing. Her and her husband both. Russ Lundgren. Ricky Dickey.

Stephanie Strauss. Ricky Dickey. Is he fucking with me? Maybe. He's not, is he? He is. Rebecca Kutlarik. Kutlarik.

Kutlarik. Kutlarik. Graham Sprague. Mike Harnung. Hornung. Hope Mowry. Sarah Wasmer. Angela Rowe. Brad Young. Danielle Sarah Wasmer. Angela Rowe.

Brad Young. Danielle Leonard. Yes. Angela Rowe. I said that. Heather Lasherity. I think that's right. Heather Lasherity.

Yeah. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Julie Staltz. Mae Peterson. Christine Peterson. Wow, that's weird. Those two together.

They must have done together. Maybe. Probably. Shauna Lumley. Stacey with no last name. Jessica Gore. Chaz Lacey, Cedric Wardell, Siobhan, Siobhan, yeah, Siobhan. It's C-H-E-V-O-N-N-E.

That's Siobhan, though, right? That's Siobhan. That's white people spelling out Siobhan. All right. Yeah, yeah. Well, white people. Well, Siobhan is pretty white. That's white talk.

Yeah. Go ahead. Whatever. Kelly Walsh, Amber Smith, Adam Lewis, Matthew Silverwood, Anthony Monteleone, Denise Bray, Paul Smith, Danielle Longamore, Durso, Helen, and young man Huxley, Ellen Farney, Veronica Smith. No, Veronica Swift. David, she's been, I'm an asshole. Sorry, Veronica. Sorry.

We know you. David Hadnut, Juana McCullough? No, Juanita McCullough. There you go. I thought there was an H there. Slap a T in there. Right. Ashley Bertram.

Karen Lewis. Michelle L. Randall. Gygax fan. Gygax, by the way, is the founder of D&D, isn't it? I think that's true. I have no idea. I'm an asshole because I didn't know what it was last time. But they donated again, so thank you.

Well, thank you. All right. Ron Beliza. Nikki Buckingham, Miranda Manassian. It looks like Manassian. Probably Manassian. Manassian. That sounds better, yeah. Leanne Swar, Angel Echevara, Zachary Liebling, Ben Casto, Sierra Steiner, Dionysus89.

I don't know what that is. Ellsworth Simeona. Simeona? Simeona. He's that dude up in—no, that's Kenworth. Never mind. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what I'm doing.

Richard Ticklebags. Oh, that dude's fucking with me, for sure. Dick Ticklebags? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cammy Payne, Tracy Travis. Travis Gage, not Tracy. Travis Gage and Sarah. Jason Butson.

Is he fucking with me? That's a tough one. Every time I get these, I go, are you fucking with me? Unless the word dick or balls is in there. Let's just assume it's real for now. Diana Libman, Hillary Steeby, Elizabeth Kelly, Joanne Berenger, Giselle Kwan. Giselle La Kwan. That's what it is.

Peter Ellison. Peter Ellison Guidon. Guidon. Devin, with no last name. I think that's Devin in New York. Adam Jones. Amy Heiler. CJW.

I don't know what that is. Kimberly Owens Goldstein. Kimberly Weekly. Grace Miller. Dylan Lincoln. Jessica Wilson. Kathleen Lincoln. Jessica Taylor.

Nicole Miles. And we're home stretch free. Let's do it. Kimberly Baum, James Phipps, Melissa Saver-Williams, Mike with no last name, Angelo Flota. That's your cousin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dita Vasquez. Thanks, man. The guy's up in New York, right?

Yeah, thanks, brother. And what was the other dude's name? Was that the guy that was at the show? Was it Angelo? Yeah, Angelo was the one at the show. Angelo Flota. Yeah. Alyssa Rouse, Cheyenne Rodriguez, Kyla Nicole, Chrissy Ramsey, Robert Stone.

That might be my uncle. It may not be because that's a common fucking name. It's a very common name. Kath Martin, Bria Green, Trish Wilson, Nicole Harris, Mackenzie Smith, Nicole Marino, Michael Jarling. No. McKay Jarling? Or I just missed the L. God damn it.

I was almost there. Almost there, Jay. Abby Crabill or Craybill. Either way, you guys are fucking amazing. Thank you, folks, so much. Honestly, that's the list of our heroes. We can't do this shit without you guys. Thank you so much.

You make everything possible for us. So we can't tell you how much we appreciate that. And what if one of these people maybe wanted to get a hold of you and say how much they appreciate you? Or they hate you. Either one. How could they do that, Jimmy? I'll take either of them. You can find me at WismanSucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks, on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.

I appreciate any words that you guys give, positive or negative. It always makes me smile either way. We really do. What about you? You can get a hold of me at JimmyPIsFunny. You can do that or copy and paste my last name from the show description. Do not be a hero because you will spell it wrong. That said, guys, we're super excited to be back and we won't be missing any more weeks

anytime soon. These were kind of unhelpful. When you're on the road for nine straight days, we had no editing facilities. It was just a disaster and we wouldn't have been able to get it out on time. So we figure let's take a week off, charge our batteries, and come back with some crazy shit. Next week, by the way, very famous person coming up next week. Oh, great stuff. Famous person, crazy famous lunatic, and a fat bastard on top of that, too.

Until then, everybody, live from the Crime and Sports studios, we will see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience.

Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that.

New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor.

You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head.

It's an all-new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice, only on freebie