Crime in Sports - #116 - Terrible People Do Terrible Things - The Vileness of Hermes Franca

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

This week, we dive back into the brain damage sports with a man who brought himself to the US, with nothing but $300, and a dream. He achieved that dream by becoming a champion, in the ring, but quickly shattered that dream by being an absolutely awful human being, outside of the ring. His actions were disgusting, and his reaction to his own misdoings are even worse!!Make your dreams come true, fall into the usual trappings of stardom, then go completely off the rails & do something totally unthinkable & disgusting with Hermes Franca!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanDonate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.comGo to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!Go to blueapron.com/crime to get your first 3 meals FREE with Blue Apron!! A better way to cook.Contact us on...twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/crimeinsports   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Each week on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, Strange, Dark, and Mysterious Stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed, yay indeed.

My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Westman. Thank you folks so much for joining us again on another wild, twisty, turny, crazy, action-packed edition of Crime and Sports. As always, it's going to be a wild one as usual. We're into the brain damage sports again today. So you know that's always going to be a wild one as usual. We're into the brain damage sports again today. So you know that's always going to be fun and crazy. Actually had a different episode planned for today. Actually had, and I'll just put it out there, had the golfer John Daly planned for today. That was the plan.

But I had a piece of research material that did not get to me in time to use. So it's going to be next week. We'll put that one out. Super famous. Super famous. That's the one we were discussing. We'll put that one out. Super famous. Super famous. That's the one we were discussing. He's a lunatic. He's a lunatic and just a fat guy smokes on the golf course.

He's a lot of fun. He's M&M's on the golf course. He's a lot of fun. We'll put it that way. He's going to be a real adventure. But you know who he is. People will recognize him and that sort of thing. But yeah, I had to get this piece of material that I did not get in time.

So sorry about that. Next week, this one, just as crazy. Don't worry. Of course. Not a fat smoking golfer, but a guy who's been hitting the head a lot and shows it with his actions. So it's a lot of fun. A complete scumbag this week.

But before we get to that, I would like to thank everyone for their iTunes reviews this week. Honestly, guys, you guys are killing it with that. And that is the coal that keeps the engine moving along and going forward. It's chugging. It's not our fault. It's iTunes and their funky algorithm. We have nothing to do with it, but they

require these iTunes reviews to help you move up the charts. So please, if you've not done it yet, please get on iTunes. Give us five stars. Doesn't matter what you say. Say you're following instructions, following directions. Who cares? It's not the important part. It's just for business you say. Say you're following instructions, following directions. Who cares? It's not the important part. It's just for business.

And that's it. And speaking of business, we have a ton of people here to talk about at the end of the show, a list of our amazing, amazing producers who have helped us out and keep us going. Really keep the show going and keep us able to do the show and able to do it and not be completely overwhelmed by having no gas money. And no money at all. So thank you very much for all of you people. If we're being honest, that's the bottom, long and short of it right there. So those people, if you want to

become a producer, you can do that very easily by going to patreon.com slash crimeinsports. Or you can go over to PayPal and use our email address, crimeinsports at gmail.com to make a one-time donation. And we cannot tell you how appreciated those damn donations are. Every damn week. Every week.

Every dime that we get is just a huge, huge deal for us. So thank you so much for that. It's funny how a lot of America lives paycheck to paycheck. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Every time the paycheck comes in, they're like, thank Christ. Yeah. And that's how we are with this shit.

Every time it pops in, it's like, oh, good. Yeah, thank you. Oh, my God. Thank you. I just had to buy this or I just had to buy that. And then bang. Thank you. It's amazing.

You guys are doing it. So thanks. We can't tell you how much we appreciate it. And we'll try, though, at the end of the show when we give our shout-outs to all our producers. We'll do our best to tell you how much we love you. But never mind all that because we really, really have an insane episode coming up here because it's – goddammit. Sometimes we get guys who are – I like to play idiot or asshole. That's our game that we play.

Is he an idiot or is he an asshole? You know what I mean? Sometimes they're both. Sometimes they're both, but it's rare. Usually you're like, oh, he's way more of an idiot than an asshole, or God, what an asshole. He's not an idiot at all. Today we're going into asshole territory. This guy's an asshole.

He is not an idiot at all, but he's definitely an asshole. It's a brain damage sport. It's a brain damage sport, but it's not just like acts of idiocy. Clues are so thick. Yeah, it's not like, oh, we're going to go. It's not like bar fights and that sort of thing. It's a very scummy behavior we're going to talk about here. It is Hermes Franca de Barro.

You know who that is? No, it's Hermes Franca is what he goes by, the de Barro part they leave off. Of course, because it's fucking confusing. It's fucking long, yeah. So they leave that part off. Hermes Franca, he is a MMA fighter, was in UFC, and had some problems, let's just say. He just had a couple of issues, old Hermes, that we're going to talk about today. What was Hermes?

Was that a god? I think so. I believe it was, right? Greek, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's where that name came from. Yeah, definitely. This guy's not a god.

No. We'll say that at all. He tries to act like he is. He fucks up pretty good. He could be a priest, we'll say. All right. He's definitely a – no, no, actually, he couldn't be a priest. Never mind.

That'll make sense later on. All right. It's pretty crazy. He's Hermes Franco de Barro, born August 26, 1974. He's born in Fortaleza, Brazil. So he's another Brazilian. Anytime we've had Brazilians, they've been an adventure so far. This is the home of Bruno Fernandes de Sousa.

They're very violent. I don't know if they are, but the guys we've covered are in general. If you're trying to throw a stereotype and generalize about a specific culture, the Brazilians are fucking violent, for sure. Yeah, especially if you only listen to crime and sports and that was your only exposure to the world. Ladies and gentlemen, my partner Andrew Jackson. It's true, though.

If you listen to crime and sports, you'll be like, Jesus, these guys are terrible. We're staying the fuck out of Brazil. Yeah, if you have not listened to the Bruno Fern fernandez de sausa episode i think it's episode five or six it's early uh it's early where he uh a brazilian soccer player uh feeds his girlfriend to a dog uh so after he murders her brutally of course of course then she's fed to a dog that's where the violence comes in that's where the oh and that's that's like the the third thing he did to her by the way there's black market abortion drugs being forced at gunpoint. Tons of beating.

It's a really, really interesting episode. But he's another one. Asshole, I would say. And another one that you wish that you would have covered later when we figured out how to do this shit. That's right. Your storytelling at the beginning of this was fucking great. But no, we've expanded it. You've done more things.

Well, before it used to be like, let's try to do this in under an hour. That was like our goal. Let's try to get this in for like a lunchtime thing. And now it's like, we're just, you know, they can come back to it later on and whatever. We're going to dig up somebody's asshole as far as we can basically now. Whereas before, I'd be like, okay, that's not as important or that's not as

interesting. And there was shit that was interesting that we would leave behind just based on time constraints. So, yeah, we were talking about that, redoing some old episodes as bonuses or something. Because, like, Ray Carruth is 40 minutes long. How did we do that in 40 minutes? Yeah, we could very easily get two and a half hours out of Ray Carruth. NBC did 48 hours on that shit in 40 minutes also. Yeah, that's what I mean.

We could have done way better. Ours was still better. It doesn't matter. And that was the first episode. But anyway, he's born August 26th, 1974, Fortaleza, Brazil, like we said. This town is in the, it's like the northeast coast in Brazil. And Brazil juts out into the northeast. It's kind of on that north coast there is the best way to put it.

Is that the Atlantic Ocean? There? Yeah. It's over there. Does it go all the way down? Yeah, I don't think. I think so. I don't know.

Yeah, I think so. Does the Pacific go all the way down there too? Yeah, there's also the Indian Ocean that's over in that area. All right. Where do they mix? There's an estuary there somewhere. Because then there's the South Pacific. Right.

I think the Pacific is the dominant ocean, we'll say. And then there's the Arctic Ocean, too, up there. I've heard of that one. That's going to mix with other oceans as well. That's as cold as fuck. I'm assuming so. So when you mix all this shit together, you've got a lot of oceans. So it extends over to the ocean on that side.

I'm going to say yes. Okay. There's no South American ocean I'm aware of that I know of. It's Indian equivalent. Is it the Brazilian ocean? I don't think it's the Brazilian ocean. It's waxed and all that shit. I was going to say it's the G-string ocean, they call it.

It's got a clean giner. That's what it's got. That's what it is. And a huge ass. Right. Our ocean's got the biggest ass in town. This whole fucking continent, nobody's got ocean like our ocean. Look at the ass on our ocean.

Look at it. It shakes and shakes. It's a fucking ocean, I understand, but it's still got an ass if you look at it the right way. If you look at it the right way. Right. It's got a big ass and it's just fucking bald as a schoolgirl. You know what i mean people are leaving brazil going i don't think i want to go to brazil this is disgusting

i don't think that's good at all this place is gross i thought it was dirty when we put you know like i put my stuff down in the hotel i was like i'm gonna put it on the dresser i'm gonna put it on the floor there and now i'm like yeah i'm glad I did that because this is gross. That man is disgusting. He was, or this city here is about 4 million people. So it's kind of a big city. I'm sure it's not the greatest place in the world if we're talking about 4 million people where MMA fighters are from. It's not going to be great. We'll put it that way. His father, there's not a ton known about his very early life because, I don't know, he's from Brazil.

Right. And I don't think they kept as good a track. And this guy is such a scumbag. I don't think they take a good, keep good track now. That's what I mean. I can't imagine. And this guy's like Bruno De Souza. We had a lot on him because his crime was so crazy with the dog eating the dog, eating the girlfriend and all that, that people were just like, we have to figure out who the fuck this guy is. And I remember ESPN did like the like a short 30 for 30 type thing, a 15 minute short where the guy went to fucking Brazil and he's walking around the property that they killed her at and all this type of shit.

This guy doesn't get that kind of coverage. So just like, fuck you, scumbag. Like, it's that sort of thing with him. We don't care how it happened. You're just a scumbag. They just know the fact. They just know it's a piece of shit. So, yeah, nobody really delved that far into it.

His father dies at the age of 14. We know that. So that's never terrific for anybody, really. Whether it's death or divorce and he doesn't come back. Either one. 14 years old is a tough time to be losing your dad. Death especially, though, will, I would assume, harden you to the world a little bit. Guarantee he's not coming back.

Yeah, he's definitely not coming back. He didn't just leave for a pack of cigarettes and not come back. And you're like, he might come back with a carton. We don't know. Every year you buy him a Christmas gift just in case. You don't know. I got this guy. There's a stack of ties over there.

But no, not like that at all. This is, you're sure, he's fucking gone now. Don't wrap that one up. I'm going to go ahead and try to tie these myself. I'm going to practice because I don't think dad's going to have any use for them. So he played soccer as a child, as a small child. Of course. Which is normal in Brazil.

That's what you do in Brazil. That's what you do in Brazil. That's what you do in Brazil. If you asked me, what do you do in Brazil, I would say go to beach and kick a ball. That's it. And kick a ball and rip all the hair out of your nether regions as quickly as possible. That would be the other thing to do.

And your backside. And look at the ocean. All the way down. Look at the ass on that ocean. That guy. Don't touch it. He was fucking disgusting, but he had a point. I'll be honest with you. He look at the ocean. All the way down. Yeah. Look at the ass on that ocean. That guy. Don't touch it. He was fucking disgusting, but he had a point. I'll be honest with you.

He had a fucking point, and you are pretty bald. That's all I'm saying. So, you know. It's confusing. It's confusing is all I'm getting at. Maybe the guy was confused. I'm just saying. He might not have been a bad guy.

That's all I mean. So, yeah. He played soccer as a child. He was not introduced to MMA, or to jiu-jitsu, really, is what he's into. was not introduced to MMA or jiu-jitsu really is what he's into. That's his discipline, Brazilian jiu-jitsu. He wasn't introduced to that until about 1994, which is about 20 years old. So a lot of these guys are younger. They're younger when they get into it.

They'll come in with their friend when they're 16 or 15 or something like that. But for him, it's 1994. He's 20 years old. Friends of his go to a local school. He tags along. How many times has this happened? Where boxing, too. It's like, well, his friend boxed, and he tagged along, and then he kicked the shit

out of his friend, and they were like, all right, well, your friend's worthless, but you're okay. We could make a dime off of you, kid. That sort of thing here. So he took to it, though. He loved it. He ends up training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu for the next, like, six years. He's very much into it, obviously.

They say these belts are very fleeting and shifting. They argue there's so much infighting in this community about well he says he's a black belt but he's not a real black belt and he's a you know that's the place he trained wasn't as good as this place so he doesn't deserve to say this and then the other guys will it's fucking ridiculous yet that yet they claim their sport is superior to boxing that's what i mean you're arguing over which fucking rank and belt you are can Can you punch him in the face harder than he can punch you in the face? Faster? His fucking belt is better then.

That's it. I don't care what color your belts are. That's the problem. So sorry, MMA. That's one of the things where it's like you're cannibalizing your own shit there when you're talking about that. The word undisputed is so fucking imperative. That's imperative. And you can't say that in this fucking sport.

It's hard. Because there's too much disputing. There's imperative. And you can't say that in this fucking sport. It's hard. Because there's too much disputing. There's a lot of, yeah. Later on, there's a thing where there's a guy who, one of the fighters, a bunch of people are in this school that, wherever the place that Hermes trained, a bunch of people from their school were saying that some other guy from some other school is in a real black belt and he doesn't deserve it. And they talked a bunch of shit about him. So then Hermes like gave the guy his black belt as like a thing saying he does deserve it.

It's so symbolic. And then they all like took a picture outside of the place and given the finger to their own. It's like this is all over what belt you are. This could all be settled quickly and easily right there. Fight. You don't even need a ring. Just there's an open space on the floor. Go jostle each other around.

Whoever ends up teabagging the other one more wins. I don't fucking know the rules, but, yeah, that's how it works. God damn it. So, no, apparently the belt's very important here. Yeah, it's integral to the fucking, to nothing. It's so dumb. It is. So he moves to the United States in April of 2000.

This is after six years of training, whatever. So, you know, he's like 26 years old. I guess when he first moved here, he had to work regular jobs a lot. I think it was some sort of work visa thing, too. I'm familiar. Yeah. So he's from Brazil. Very similar it was some sort of work visa thing, too. I'm familiar. Yeah. So he's from Brazil. It's very similar to podcasting.

Yeah. No shit. I had to work for free for a while and then work it off and build it. Podcasting and comedy are just like MMA, minus the getting nuts in your face. But it does happen. It is. And speaking of that, I have to say one thing here that's interesting to me. Some people might not give a fuck about this, but the comedian friends of ours, they talk to us a lot where they'll just be like, hey, you know, congrats.

Looks like it's going well. You know, do you want to do my open mic? And they're like, no, I don't want to do your – thank you. But no thank you. I don't want to do your open mic. I don't want to do your show. Looks like you're having some success where you're going around the country on airplanes and shit and selling out places.

Would you like to bring people to my show and I'll pay you nothing? Is that a thing that we can do? No, that's not a thing we can do. And then they're like, well, how do you podcast? Should I podcast? And at first I would tell people, yeah, you should get into it because it's great. And now I'm going, no, you shouldn't. No.

First, I would tell people, yeah, you should get into it. I can't do it. And now I'm going, you know what? No, you shouldn't. No. Because the reason why you do stand-up is because you can drink at your job and then hang out with your friends who will tell you you're good and it doesn't matter if you are or not because no one sees it. And afterwards, at a lot of these shitty shows, they have karaoke.

Right. So it's a lot of fun. So I feel like that's become your social circle. That's why you even do stand-up still. You don't work on it. You just got friends. You don't work hard. Yeah, if you had a podcast, you'd just show up every week with whoever you liked to hang out with

and talk about whatever you felt like talking about, which guess what? No one's fucking interested in that. So stop it. That'll garner you 500 listens of your friends and family every week. There you go. Then do that shit. What you do is stick to doing your bar shows and all that shit. Do karaoke afterwards.

Get drunk. Take an Uber home. Have fun. Knock yourself out. Try to fuck each other like all of them do. Enjoy. Go crazy because that's why you're there. All of you try to fuck the same girl.

Do that. This is a bunch of work and then me and Jimmy go to a nondescript tiny room and it's not glamorous at all. It's very gray. Live shows look fun and all that, but we're in a fucking gray box staring at each other. I mean, that's the fucking reality of it, after working all night to get a show ready. It's not fun. There's 40 hours of work involved in sitting in a gray room.

And then that's what it is. The only color in this entire room is the red light that says your mic is hot. That's it. Everything else is gray as shit. It really is. This is the grayest fucking room. Depressing as fuck. It is.

And we're going to be building a new studio soon, by the way. We'll have all of our cool shit that you send us up on the walls. Oh, that's the best part. We're very excited. We can't wait. So yeah, so these guys, so he's doing his open mics, trying to- Grinding it out. Grinding it out. Grinding it out. Fucking just being himself, James.

I'm just trying to find my voice. He's trying to find his voice right now is what he's doing. He's going around. He's like mopping floors. He's trying to find my voice. I don't know if this mop is my voice right now. I want to see what's going on here. Right.

Jesus Christ. About 15 people understood what we were talking about sorry but that's a that's like a little peek into the world of comedy and what that's all about it's drab and that's exactly what it is it's a bunch of fucking lazy people i'm sorry most comedians are lazy as shit it's their last ditch effort to make something of themselves of anything in their life and it's very easy to fall into just hanging out with your friends and not caring if you go further because it looks like we're not going anywhere anyway. So who cares?

Whatever. I'm doing a lot of coke off of a barfly's chest. There you go. And then waking up and going, my girlfriend's going to be mad about this. That happens a lot to these people. It's very common. More common than you would imagine. Even for comedians who have no following or anything like that.

It's just their life. It's very strange. They'd be doing that anyway. Instead, they do. Instead, they tell jokes that they just. Before karaoke. Otherwise, it would just be karaoke. Reading tweets.

Yeah, that's it right there. My Christ. All right. So, yeah. So, he doesn't have a lot of time to train as seriously as he wants to. He's been training pretty hard for the last six years, and he really wants to hit it hard, but he has to do this stuff first. One thing I'll give this Hermes guy, he's very diligent on his immigration status. He comes to the country very legally, and he goes through all the steps to become a legal citizen.

That's nice. And later on, he'll become a permanent resident, like go through the system and all that sort of thing. Great. So like he's very, very, he's got all of his paperwork in a row. So whatever faults you're going to find with this man and you're going to find faults, his paperwork and his organization and, you know, he's got a folder and a desk and all that.

That's top notch and it's beyond reproach. So I don't want to hear any sniping about that. He's got a membership card at Staples. He's got to figure it out. Yeah, he has folders and he has a file thing. He has one of those desk drawers that opens and he flips through his files. He's like immigration. Okay, got that.

It's next to his dishwasher manual and warranty information. He's got that in there. And the receipt. And the receipt. And the receipt. He's very organized. And an easy button. That's right. A fucking Staples easy button.

That was easy. He smiles at his desk with his fucking blue hair. He's got blue hair. Sometimes. Fuck out of here. He always has a different stupid color hair. Blue seems to be his favorite from the footage I've seen, but a lot of blue hair. And also, too, later on in a mugshot that's pretty famous, he has blue hair.

Really? Which, for what he gets arrested for and the whole circumstances of that thing, you don't want to have blue hair in your mugshot. You just fucking don't. I don't know that any crime that you're arrested for, the mugshot having any color that's fucking just not human colored is really fucked up. I feel like the kid who shot up the movie theater dressed like the Joker. That one's super fucked up. Yeah, but that was like, that's a crazy thing to do.

That's the guy who would do that. His mugshot matched the crime. Right. It really did. You look at him and you go, that's the guy that would do that. He's got fucking orange hair. He looks like a maniac. The only thing he's missing is like green skin.

That's it. And you'd be like, yeah, he's a crazy person. But this guy, yeah, not terrific here. So after about six months of working, I don't know what he was doing. Like I said, I just picture him mopping, dreaming of a ring to get into and then grapple with a man. Whatever fried pigeon restaurant they have in Brazil. Who knows? Yeah, he found one in the U.S.

They were like, you know how to make fried pigeon? Oh, my God. We've been waiting. Kentucky fried pigeon. Kentucky fried pigeon. Those would be very different commercials now. Just Kentucky fried pigeon commercials. That's disgusting.

That is terrible. Brazilian fried pigeon. That's what I picture they have down there for certain. Who's their spokesman? It's not Colonel Sanders. It's a giant ass girl who never shows her front side. Right. Just walks backwards, bouncing up and down.

And it is clean. There are no dead spider legs anywhere on that ass. And since it's brazil she'd be nude i'm sure so yeah that would be the commercial so after six months of working he gets into the mma training again into more jujitsu training uh he has dreams of fighting professionally and being a good fighter uh apparently uh in his gym in brazil he was considered a real up-and-comer uh it was just there's not a lot of opportunity down there to be to make money and do this at a different kind

of pace so that's why he went to america because that's what he wanted to do and here it was in the around 2000 there it was kind of getting bigger it was really blowing up that was when it really took off like mainstream before that it was like who watches that shit you know like nobody but then around like 2 000 people were like you know that one that's a pretty fucking that one guy you know he looks pretty badass and people got anyway like with ken shamrock right and wrestling it crossed over there a little bit i think that uh the the uh explosion of it kind of coincides with and i might be wrong but it feels like it coincides with the integration of really great televisions.

You know what I mean? That's true. Because before, watching those fights when it had that big muscle built logo on the center of the mat, it was all grainy and shitty TVs back then. It was, yeah. And you couldn't, I mean, you could see injuries, but it wasn't like today. They didn't put the production value into it, too. They were also a low budget production at that point. They didn't put the production value into it, too. They were also like a low-budget production at that point.

And then they started putting production value in it. Like when you watch an HBO boxing match, there's fucking production value. It's incredible. They cover everything well, and they figured out how to do that. And the angles of punches and stuff were back. Then it was like two cameras, one on either side. They were punching each other. And you could see the other camera and the other dude operating it from the one camera.

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't know if it's that or if it's 9-11 had something to do with it. People were just angry. An MMA fight's a good place to drive your truck with an American flag on it, too. I don't know. Or people were just angry. We're going to watch guys teabag each other. Come on, get in the truck.

I don't know what it is. People were just angry and just watching people take their anger out, maybe. I don't know, I don't know what it is. People are just angry and just watching, watching people take their anger out. Maybe. I don't know what it is. Or it's also, you know, what also too, it also coincides with the like boxing becoming less popular at the time with Tyson and all the big heavyweights being gone. And that's kind of like you had a, there was a lot of good, uh, uh, uh, welterweights and stuff.

That's when, uh, Delahoy and Trinidad and Vargas and all those guys were having wars, but still it wasn't the same as like boxing is the most popular when there's heavyweights and stuff that's when uh delahoy and trinidad and vargas and all those guys were having wars but still it wasn't the same as like boxing is the most popular when there's heavy weights that fight well that's just the biggest dude versus the biggest dude that's it whether it's tyson or ali or foreman or whoever it is that's what people want to watch they want to watch they want to watch giant guys beat the shit out of each other that's why hulk hogan was most popular wrestler he's a giant guy who fights other giant guys. And then Andre the Giant. Can't see that every day. That's amazing to watch that man be athletic. Yeah. Honestly,

a lot of times when you watch, like I don't watch it, but if you watch WWE right now it looks like, well, that looks like just two guys that you could see in a bar jump off the bar on each other, like whatever, but obviously they're doing crazy athletic moves, but they don't look like special people. Whereas you're not going to see Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant fight at your local bar.

You're not. A guy who's six foot six, 300 pounds against a guy who's seven foot whatever, 500 pounds. That's not going to happen at the bar. You have to pay money to watch that. I've seen Dolph Ziggler. That guy lives here in Phoenix and he does comedy. You'd never notice him. He is not a fucking imposing dude. No. He's my size. That's what I mean. I mean, granted, he's fucking in shape. You'd never notice him. He is not a fucking imposing dude.

He's my size. That's what I mean. I mean granted he's fucking in shape. I'm sure he's a lot stronger than you. I do not look up at that man. We see eye to eye. That's what I mean. I don't want to see that. To get totally off the subject here, that's the problem with wrestling is the guys

look like regular guys. No offense to them because they work really hard and they do a lot of – their moves are crazy. They're athletic. They're daring. They do much better shit than I do. Incredible, the shit they do. But just what they do isn't like I want to pay money to watch those two guys fight each other. Whereas in the end, that's what you're simulating is wanting to watch two guys who you want to see fight each other. Whereas in the end, that's what you're simulating is wanting to watch two guys who you want

to see fight, fight each other. Exactly. And if it's two guys who are 5'10", 190 pounds, I don't really give a fuck. I can see that for free any Friday night anywhere. Any dude gets pissed off because some dude his size talks to his girl. All of a sudden, I've got wrestling. Just go out in Philly on a Friday night. You're going to see that.

That's what you're going to see all over the place as much as you want. It's true. As much as you want. Go out in Boston. You're going to see that. That's what you're going to see all over the place as much as you want. That's true. As much as you want it. Go out in Boston. You're going to see it. Oh, for sure. As much as you fucking want it. They'll be a little drunker.

Plug your ears, though, because it's going to be the worst conversation you've ever heard. Yeah. It's true. The ugliest fucking accent. Well, yeah. I think back in the day, you'd want to see Ali and Foreman. You're not going to see that. Or in wrestling, you're not going to see Hulk and Andre.

You're not going to see guys of that nature or even that are showmen because, like, Shawn Michaels wasn't that big, but he was like a showman. You know what I mean? I don't know. It's just a different thing. But here, this thing is different. MMA is blowing up in 2000 around this time. Franca here was doing, like, a national Brazilian jiu-jitsu tournament at this time when he's a peer about six months. Some sort of amateur tournament he's doing here.

And a guy in Boca Raton who's an MMA teacher noticed him there and he offered to train him for free, which is very creepy. If anybody offers to grapple with you for free, don't do it. Just don't do it. Yeah. This guy said, yeah, I like the way you do that. I will cover your training expenses. I'll feed you. I'll house you.

Everything. When do you touch my dick? At what point are you putting something in that food you're giving me and I'm going to get my dick touched? Or forcing me to touch you but in this situation it's probably you wanting to touch my dick which is the other weird thing that i never understand the dope sick love uh philosophy it's the funniest fucking thing i'll get it i am not you know what i'm not 100 locked into the gay prostitution world i I'm not. You know what? I'm sorry if that's a thing.

I'm definitely a satellite of it. I'm interested. And it's intriguing. It's funny. It's intriguing. But I'm – anytime where you pay someone to do something to them, I'm just like, huh? How is that? What?

But – what? That's just – if guys pay women, sex worker, prostitute ladies. To give them oral? So they can, that's, they're like, he's a weirdo. He just wants to do that. And they're like, that's easy money. Right. Like, what are these guys doing?

And they're like, ah, Christ, that guy wants to give me a hundred bucks to suck his dick, I guess. Like, what is kind of fucking, what kind of economy is happening in these streets right now? I don't understand. That whole fucking you give me money and I get a blowjob from the same sex is bizarre. I don't understand that. It's super bizarre. And like I said, I don't get it because that's not me. So I don't understand that.

And that might be perfectly reasonable. I'm sure it is. But to me, I'm just scratching my head going this is very odd next thing you know you're the best out and it's very strange that's from dope sick love it certainly feels like you could probably uh offer somebody that for free yeah and they would take it yeah yet somebody's out there throwing money away to somebody that gets that all the time. It makes no sense to me. That's terrifying. It's so strange. It's the strangest.

It's the strangest economic setup ever. Paying money to go down on a prostitute is scary to me. Well, I get other things. Like I get someone has food. You give them money and then they feed you. I get that. That makes sense to me. I pay rent and then I stay in get that. That makes sense to me. I pay rent and then I stay in a house.

That makes sense to me. But this, I don't understand the transaction at all. How are you getting anything out of that? So I go down. I go out. I sit down. Jesus, that was scary for a second. So I'm going down on this guy.

I'm giving him 50 bucks. So I go out to a restaurant. I sit down. I order a meal. They bring it to me. I eat it. I say thank you very much. And then go out to a restaurant. I sit down. I order a meal. They bring it to me. I eat it. I say, thank you very much. And then they bring me a check with money on it.

And then not for me to pay. They just give me money. They say, thank you very much. And I leave. Thanks for being here, sir. And I'm full and have money in my pocket. I will see you at lunch. That is a strange transaction.

Yeah. I could see how that could be. You could get locked into that lifestyle, I guess. I would for sure pay my rent that way. That's very strange. But then you have to, so, well, the whole thing's insane. So anyway, so this pervert is offering to cover his expenses. Yeah.

This obvious pervert. Franka, though, undeterred by this man's clear and present danger and clearly wanting to do things to his penis. He accepts the offer. Yeah. And for four years, he trains as a full-time in Brazilian jiu-jitsu at the Silveira Brothers Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Boca Raton. So now think about this, though. He's 30 now. Yeah.

Like, he's, well, almost 30. He trains there into when he's fighting professionally, too, because they have him for about a year, and then he has his first professional fight. So he's training in this gym for about a year. He'll stay at this gym for about another three years after he starts training. His first fight is on November 17, 2001. It is the Hook and Shoot Kings 1 show. All right. Okay.

This Hook and Shoot, it's in Evansville, Indiana. So that's probably why you've never heard of it before. It's a small outfit out of a small town in Indiana. So it's not exactly Vegas. Right. This isn't exactly UFC. But it's a start. With very few lights.

This is the open mic. There's karaoke afterwards. We'll put it that way. Afterwards, if you're not slurring your words too badly after getting your head pummeled, you can do some karaoke. You can get up there, and with whoever you fought, you two can sing Summer Love together. It's very nice. It's a cute thing they have.

He fights Mike Thomas Brown in his first fight, who is a linker. He fights a fucking linker. Number one. And his first fight is against a linker. He's a 26-9 career fighter. Holy shit. That's great. Usually there are 15 fights before they hit a linker. This guy, number one.

Hermes wins in round one against a guy with a 26-9 record. So clearly he's been training well. It's two minutes and 21 seconds in round one against a guy with 26-9 records. So clearly he's been training well. It's two minutes and 21 seconds in round one. He wins by submission with a triangle choke. Quick. So, yeah, clearly not bad. So he's been, I don't know, whatever this is.

Boca's fixing it, yeah. This pervert, whoever, has been training him well. He's 1-0. March 9, 2002. So he waits a few months in between fights which is good he's not banging him out wait till you see later he has like a one month where you're like good lord man just don't do that yeah uh march 9th 2002 it's hook and shoot overdrive oh so he's this is the second one this is the second one the first one was yeah kings one and this is overdrive yeah

instead of doing kings two maybe or kings five by then. Yeah, well, we've got to kick it up a notch into Overdrive. Fuck these King pussies. This is again in Evansville, so this is their hometown of this organization clearly. He fights Mike Willis, which is W-I-L-L-U-S, Willis. He's a non-maker. It's Mike No. 2, though. Mike No. 2. He's fighting a bunch of white guys named Mike to start out.

It's hilarious. He's open, Mike. He's fighting two. He's fighting a bunch of white guys named Mike to start out. It's hilarious. He's got his open mic. He's fighting Mike. He's fighting Mike. He is, just like we all did. Mike and Mike. Let's go. Mike number two. I feel like there's just a lot of guys from Indiana named Mike that'll try just a lot of white dudes

named Mike. I do roofing, and then on the weekends, I do this. There's two names in Evansville. There's Evan, of course, and Mike. This is Evan and Mike, and that's everybody else. Don't worry about it. It's 50-50 when you meet somebody. You pick one.

When the Mike's are majority, it'll be Mike's town, or Mike'sville. We're working on it. Don't worry about that right now. I'm trying to impregnate every woman I can to get this done. So he's fighting Mike Willis. He's a 6-5 career fighter and a non-linker. Hermes wins again in round one at four minutes with a triangle choke submission. So he's 2-0.

So he's fighting bums. The first guy wasn't a bum. He was a linker and had 26 career wins. But now he fights a bum May 11, 2002, which is two months later. So now it's starting to get a little closer together. He fights in World Extreme Fighting 12, W-E-F 12. It's in Steubenville, Indiana. So I think that's worse than Evansville if we're ranking.

So you're going down, sir. I don't know. But he was invited to another mic. He's invited to go fight another mic. And this guy's name is Don Caker. So it's not even a mic, this poor guy. Don Caker's a 7-1 career fighter, which is not bad. 7-1.

This is the one, unfortunately, for him. It's a round two. He makes it to the second round with Hermes anyway. It's a triangle choke submission at two minutes of round two. So not bad. So far, he's had three fights. He's got three submissions. This is working for him. It's a triangle choke submission at two minutes of round two. So not bad. So far, he's had three fights. He's got three submissions.

This is working for him. I mean, two of them are fucking nobodies, but still. Hey, everybody. Just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you a little more about the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country, Blue Apron. Blueapron.com. Oh, it's so delicious, and it comes right to your door every week in a big, beautiful box of goodness. So much fun. So much fun. So much fantastic stuff.

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That's two weeks later. Oh, my God. So, yeah. He fought a round and a half, and now he's fighting again two weeks later. May 25th, 2002. Hook and shoot relentless now. They are relentless. They went into overdrive, and they're like, we're already in overdrive. So, we can't be even harder, even more overdrive.

That's not going to over-drive, isn't going to thing. So we're relentless now. We're going to keep it in overdrive. Just pin to the next one. It's going to be pedal to the metal. Hook and shoot four-wheel drive? Hook and shoot can't stop, won't stop. That's what it's going to be.

I mean, hook and shoot. Can't stop. Won't stop. Hook and shoot really should have just waited until until Fast and Furious came out. Oh, yeah. They could have helped them a lot. All the different types. Hook and shoot. I love it when you call me Big Papa.

Dig it into their asses. Who knows? Makes no sense even. Hook and shoot. Fucking Tokyo Drift. That's it. They could have gone so much further. And this would have been perfect for that, actually.

This could have been hook and shoot Tokyo Drift would have been a better title than Relentless. It's in Evansville again. He fights Yohei Suzuki, the Japanese man. Yes, fuck yeah. So this would have been perfect for that. Damn it, Jimmy. Your timing is fucking impeccable. Eight and eight career records for old Yohei or yo he or however the fuck you say that

yoji i don't know y-o-h-e-i oh exactly yo yo hey yo hey suzuki get your ass back here motherfucker that's two greetings in one name that's not good yo hey man get back here a minute i need to talk to you suzuki you punk motherfucker. I think he hears that a lot. And he was like, I think that's my name. It's like the old Cosby joke. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry to bring up Cosby because I hate him and we've made fun of him a lot and everything like that.

And he's a piece of shit. He's a master comic, though. Jesus. Yeah, it's like that joke about I thought my name was Jesus Christ. My brother's name was God damn it. God damn it, Jesus Christ. Get back in. So that's an old joke and a very funny one.

Is that the only time he ever swore in his stand up? I think it was. Do you call Jesus Christ a swear? It probably is, right? It's his dad. Yeah, but he's quoting another guy. God damn it. That's swearing too.

That's probably the only times he ever did it. Yeah, and he had to do it in the voice of somebody else. He couldn't even do it in himself, you pussy motherfucker. You gutless dickhead. At this point, when he was saying that, too, he had a long line of drugged poor fucking women that he abused at that point, so it makes it less funny.

I wonder if even, is rape a swear word? Not the way he would say it. Rape! I don't think it's a swear word. Did he tell the judge to knock it off? Yeah. Quit your cursing. Quit swearing. There's ladies present.

With the raping and the ladies. Fucking jerk off. I just want to go home now and listen to that section of Eddie Murphy Raw. Says Richard Pryor. I told him I have a coke and a smile. Shut the fuck up. I'm like, yes. Fuck you. I told Bill I said a coke and a smile. Shut the fuck up. I'm like, yes. Fuck you.

You tell Bill I said suck my dick. Yes, exactly. So, oh, man, that's wonderful. Oh, fuck, I love him. So, Yohei Suzuki, come over here and get choked out with a guillotine choke in one minute and four seconds of round one. My Christ. So, Yohei doesn't last long. He's an 8 and 8 career guy. He's 4 and 0 now't last long. He's an 8-8 career guy.

He's 4-0 now, Hermes. He's doing something. This is something. Good for him, I'll say. September 7, 2002. He's an immigrant. He came to this country. He had to do a regular job and he tried to train. He's working hard.

Say it, Jimmy. Say he's your kind of guy. He's my kind of guy. There you go, Jimmy. He's working so hard. Hold on to that. Stealing Kent Shamrock's job and shit. Go ahead and take that out of your pocket and hold it in your hand for a while because you might not want to keep it. September 7, 2002. It's Hook and Shoot, New Wind.

Oh, that's terrible. Forget about it. That sounds like the sequel to Homeward Bound or some shit. New wind. It's coming out of somebody's ass. That's the problem. It's in Evansville, Indiana. New wind coming and blowing through town here.

This is for the hook and shoot featherweight title, which I assume is a belt made out of like suspenders and some milk cartons that they put on front. Rainbow suspenders. Opened them up and wrote featherweight champ with featherweight spelled horribly. Weight is spelled wrong. Not good at all. It's like I thought it was I before E. They're like yeah but this God damn it never mind. Not if there's an A

it's like neighborhood. You ever see that? But what about the C? And there's two hillbillies trying to fucking argue over how to spell featherweight and they just send them out there with a belt that has crossed out things on it. That's what he ends up with. He fights his first of the funny nicknamed opponents at this point. Anthony Icy. Icy like an icy.

Like icy hot. No, like icy. I-C-E-E. I-C-E-E like you get at a 7-Eleven. I don't know if you have those overseas, but that is like an icy drink, like a Slurpee. Right. 7-Eleven slushy, I guess, with different flavors. With the polar bear.

Cherry or Coke or, yeah, with the polar bear. Used to get it at Kmart. Or, oh yeah, definitely. Or the much superior Slush Puppy. You betcha. Which blows that shit out of the water. Nothing is better than a Slush Puppy. There is nothing better than a Slush Puppy.

Fucking icy, yeah. Fuck Slurpees, too. Yeah, fuck that shit. It's all about slush puppies. Yes. But you got to really work to find them. Yeah, you do. I'm going to get, you know what, Jimmy, I'm going to get, can I already get soon?

You know what, God damn it, I'm going to treat myself one of these days. I'm going to get a slush puppy machine. Make it two. You can get them. Fucking, I'm going to make an Amazon wish list and I will put a slush puppy machine times two. You can order like all the shit from slush puppy, the different flavors and the bags of pellet things you have to put in. I'm getting a fucking slush puppy. Ladies and gentlemen, crime and sports movement.

I'm making an announcement right now. I'm going to acquire a slush puppy machine. I'm going to. And so if you don't like it, go fuck yourself. And the puppy on it was so cute. He was adorable. He was amazing. He was a hound.

Yeah. He was a slush puppy. Big fucking floppy ears. I think there was alcohol in his slush puppy from the looks of him. It looked like he was having a bit more. He was like, hey, guys. Much fun. Let's calm down about all this.

So he fights Anthony Icy Hamlet is his name. He's an 8-14 career fighter. Yeah, that's not good. That's not great. He lost his last eight of nine fights that he fought. What the fuck? Then he was like, you know what? I'm going to stop now.

Hermes wins by TKO with punches in the first round. Ouch. Pretty quickly. This guy doesn't last long. Hermes is now 5-0. December 13, 2002. So he crammed a good amount of fights into 2002. Yeah.

He got on the record here. It's a five fights in that year. It's not bad. This is the fifth fight of the year. It's the hook and shoot absolute fighting championships one. Okay. The rest of them are bullshit. This is absolutely the real one.

Everybody else. It's called absolute one? Sorry. Absolute fighting championships one. All right. Damn it. Is there an E on the end of absolute? Yes.

Yeah, yeah, no, it's not sponsored. No? No, it's not sponsored by the Oculus. But fuck it. Actual, absolute, clear, and this is no fucking, I don't want to hear another word about it. These are the fighting championships. The ultimate one, that's something, but these are the absolute championships, which is better than ultimate.

Right. Because there's ultimate, that's a thing, but then Absolute is over everything because it's absolutely the thing. So that makes us better, right? Oh, we're in Fort Lauderdale, Florida with a bunch of guys no one's ever heard of? Never mind. Fuck. We're with Hermes Franca fighting Ryan Diaz,

who's a 13 and 14 career fighter, which is aggressively mediocre. That's really really really mediocre uh hermes wins in round one again at four minutes 23 seconds with a guillotine choke again so that's his go-to move at this point uh so submission again so it's six and oh now uh five submissions and the one guy knocked him out so fast he didn't even have a chance to fucking crank anything up on him it's like i wanted to choke, but he just fell down too early. I had a theory.

I had a whole plan, everything. And then he punched me. Fucking, I punched him back. Ref had to jump in. It was terrible. It's the Tyson Raleigh that said that. Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face. Yeah, yeah.

That's essentially what happened. Yeah, that's a famous thing. And it's the truth. Everybody's got a good plan. You get punched in the face, you're like, oh, shit, all right. Everything's happening. It's different. Fuck that plan.

Everything else is moving fast now. All that's a totally different uh your whole world is shaking up at that point such a brilliant thing said by a dummy yeah said by somebody undoubtedly with brain damage if it was ali not by a dummy well i mean at the end most guys most guys though yeah if it was like larry holmes it was in there. Fucking Jerry Cooney, I see, is probably a fucking moron. Leon Spinks, we know, had like a 62 IQ. It's a problem, yeah. Not Michael Spinks. Leon Spinks.

Better fighter, dumber, though. Michael Spinks is like a smart guy. It takes a lot of incompetence to actually do it, though, because it's so fucking – that's a banana sport. I'll never think otherwise. It's like we talk about. I'll never. Well, it's never think otherwise. It's like we talk about. I've said with pilots, they read out the narcissist. Like, that's a pilot. That's a guy.

He's going to he'll fly into enemy fire and be like, I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fucking cool. No one can hurt me. I've still got a jet. I'm a narcissist. You're not shooting my plane down. Maybe everyone else's plane, but mine will be fine. Will not happen to me.

You kind of need that thinking in boxing. Like, yeah, he's going to punch me in the face, but it's not going to hurt. I'm going to do it too. And then I'll punch him harder. So what? There's a certain mindset there you need to have. It's a nutty fucking idea. Yeah.

So right now, UFC signs him. Okay. So he's 6-0 and signed with UFC. Right. Not bad for a guy. What year is this? 2002? Yeah, 2002.

Late 2002 was his last fight there. Early 2003, he signs with UFC. has his first UFC fight in April. So not bad for a guy who three years ago lived in Brazil and trained in some place and had to come here and do some temp work for a while before he could start training. Not bad at all. He's making good for himself. Jimmy, you're the kind of guy right here. Imagine the culture shock, though, when he

goes into his first Kentucky Fried and he's like, your pigeons are big. That's a big pigeon. That's just the breast? That's not a whole pigeon with his head chopped off? Damn. Did y'all get this? Did y'all get this? Yes. Brazilians have southern accents.

We both did it. I just saw it in my head. I was like, I made a Brazilian. We both did it. I just saw it in my head. I was like, I made a Brazilian. We both did it. I did it before you. Yes, they are. You know what? It's South.

It's South America, goddammit. You know what a Portuguese accent sounds like? Fuck no, you don't. So you know what it sounds like? Yeah, I'll do that. That's what it sounds like. And that's as fucking true as what you know. That's just deeper South.

That's all it is. You imagine it sounds vaguely Spanish. That's how you're picturing it. But you don't fucking know. It could be this for all you know. That's just deeper south. That's all it is. You imagine it sounds vaguely Spanish. That's how you're picturing it, but you don't fucking know. It could be this for all you know. It's a hillbilly that rolls his arms. That's all? I love it. I'll have the gravy.

Thank you. Very good. Did y'all get this? I mean, let me- Hey, yo, hey, let me get- Oh, no, not you. No, the people who work here. No, you're good. Did y'all get this? Hey, yo, hey, let me get. Oh, no, not you. No, there's people who work here. No, you're good.

You're good, buddy. Lots of buddy being said in South America. You're good, buddy. Yeah, absolutely. It comes with the accent. That accent comes with a buddy. They do say buddy. They say buddy.

Buddy. Buddy, buddy. That's like Middle Eastern. They like that one, too. Hey, buddy. Listen. Hey, buddy, that's like Middle Eastern. They like that one, too. Hey, buddy, listen. So his first fight with UFC is April 25, 2003. It is UFC 42 Sudden Impact, which is a better name.

So they're... It's such a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. Yeah, it absolutely is. Absolutely is. What is that? It's going to be Time Cop next. It's going to be UFC 68 Time Cop. Right. absolutely yes absolutely has what is that it's gonna be time cop next it's gonna be ufc 68 time cop

ufc 69 double take double take so this is in miami florida so they're in a real city this time yeah uh no sorry fort lauderdale but i don't want to tell you uh he's fights rich cleat is his nickname okay i don't know what to tell you. He fights Rich Cleet is his nickname. Okay. I don't know. The Cleet? Cleet. Just Cleet. Okay. Singular Cleet.

Just Cleet. I don't know if that's like, I don't know why. Rich Cleet Cronkleton. Okay. That's why. His last name is Cronkleton. That's brutal. Which sounds like a made up name from like a turn of, that's like a Dickens name.

Like this is Mr. Crunkleton. He owns this factory down the street. He hangs out with Scrooge. He just sounds to me like a dude that runs a scrap metal yard. Like, Crunkleton. And he picked it because everything was all crunkled up. And his first name's Rich, so his name's Dick Crunkleton, which is probably the worst name ever.

I'd go by Cleet, too. Just call me Cleet. What's your name? Dick Crunkleton. which is probably the worst name ever. I'd go by Cleet, too. Just call me Cleet. What's your name? Dick Crunkleton. So, Cleet, we're going to go with. So, Cleet's okay? You know what? I think it is.

I'm going to go with Cleet. This fight goes all three rounds. So, first time now he's had a challenge, actually, in the UFC. You're going to get a better guy. Crunkleton is 19-4 career. Jesus. So, not terrible. Hermes wins a unanimous decision here, though. He does dominate the UFC. You're going to get a better guy. Crunkleton is 19-4 career. Jesus. So not terrible. Hermes wins a unanimous decision here, though.

He does dominate the fight. This makes him 7-0. And later on in an interview, he's asked in his entire career, what's your favorite moment? And he recalls this here. When I crunkled up Crunkleton. Crunkleton didn't know what hit you. He says, we'll do it in their own words here to explain what his favorite moment of his career was.

He says in their own words, quote, I remember one day I was driving and I got a call from a friend who was also like my manager back in the day. I assume maybe that's the guy who was training him. I don't know. I was driving back home when he called and asked, what are you doing? I told him driving. He said, stop the car. I said, what's going on? He said, I have something to tell you, and I don't want you to crash the car.

Now I'm scared. He asked, did you stop the car? I said, yes. He said, the UFC is looking for you. So that was the most exciting moment of his career, which sounds like they're going to kick your ass. Anytime you hear this person's looking for you, you're like, oh, shit, what did I do to them? So the UFCs know all of them. Everybody's really pissed.

It's every guy they have. Not even in your weight class, dude. Heavyweights are mad at you. They're going to fuck you up. Sorry, bro. They're all looking for you. They're all looking for you, man. It's all of them, bro.

You're now Conor McGregor. Sorry. They're all looking for him. Even Joe Rogan's looking for you. He even wants to fight you. It's super strange. The announcers and everything. He's going to have you on his podcast and kick your ass afterwards.

That's what he said. I'm not sure. Michael Buffer's little brother, everybody. He's going to fuck you up. He's going to have you on his podcast and kick your ass afterwards. That's what he said. I'm not sure. Michael Buffer's little brother, everybody. He's going to fuck you up. He's going to hit you with the microphone. He's all about it. All the buffers. He said it was great, and he said the guy was right.

If he was driving, he would have crashed his car. He said he couldn't believe it was happening. He said he was so excited he wanted to cry. He said one of his best moments was winning the first fight against Dick Crunk. What a silly fucking thing to say you would crash your car. Is there anything that would make you crash your car? No, not like that. Well, I think that's the equivalent of like if you're like a middling comedian

and they were like, HBO wants to give you a special. I'm not crashing my car for that. Not even, I'd be like, why? What? I'd do that? No. Fuck them. What are they? No. I would find a way to for that. Not even I'd be like, why? Why? I do that. No. Fuck them. What do they know?

I would I would find a way to make that a bad thing that I don't need to do or don't want to do. That's how fucking that's how weird this is. This is the weird thing. Comedy brings out either the lazy in you or your work ethic in you. It really does, because some people it makes them completely lazy as we explained earlier. And then some people like me who don't want to do anything else and have never had a fucking interest and are lazy in other things. I don't want to come to this gray box that I have to come to twice a week. I don't want to come here. I'm like it's like 18 minutes from my house.

It's a pain in the ass. That's how bad it is. But this like you could fucking I could throw myself into and whatever. I think it's that sort of thing. I don't have any news about podcasting that would make me fucking crash my car no nothing no i wouldn't believe anything right anything good i'd be like get the fuck out of here yeah i'm not gonna see that stop fucking with me and hang up the phone yeah shut up max i'm driving max yeah exactly actually it'd

be sarah telling me i'd be like max is full shit. Tell Max he's full of shit. So anyway, another little insight into our insane life here. So anyway, he said it was one of his best moments was beating Crunkleton. He said his second fight also is amazing, as we'll talk to. He said he came to America with $300 in his pocket, and here he was in his next fight, as we're going to talk about, it's September 26, 2003. $300 and all his paperwork. And all his paperwork.

The money he had in folders, really. He could have went another couple months in this country just living off his folder money if he hocked him. So he said, and there he was in Vegas for the first time, and it was the first time fighting in Vegas. He was so happy. And he said the guy he's fighting here, who's Cole Uno, had just done a five-round fight with BJ Penn. So he said he was really nervous going into this fight thinking, quote, holy crap.

That's his only thought on the whole matter. I would think that, too. BJ Penn's one of the best that ever happened. He was very, very good. He was good. So he's fighting Uno here. He's a 33-19 fighter. So he is a good fighter.

This is UFC 44 Undisputed. They're trying to, I guess, go over the heads of that belt problem they're having there. And it's Undisputed now. This is in Vegas, like we said. Hermes ends up winning this fight in the second round at 246 with a knockout from a punch. Wow. He beat Uno. He 246 with a knockout from a punch. Wow, he beat Uno. He beat Uno with a knockout. Probably not what Uno was expecting

from him, I don't think either, because he's a grappler. He's a jiu-jitsu guy. 8-0 now this brings him to. He's looking like a serious contender here. This isn't bad. He's pretty goddamn good. January 31st 2004, it's UFC 46 Supernatural.

Now they're getting a little weird. They're running out of titles now. They're like, fuck it. Failed television shows. Bump them out. What do we got here? We can do this. Come on.

Shit nobody believes in. Let's go. Come on. Let's go. Heroes. Hey, did they cancel that yet? Yeah, good. Put it on there.

It's going to be... Agents of the Shield. Let's do this. Come on. Rack them up. So this is in Las Vegas also. He fights Josh the Punk Thompson.

That's his nickname that he named himself is the Punk. He is 22-9. This guy career coming in. The Punk. This goes all three rounds. It's a unanimous decision for the Punk. So it's Hermes' first loss here. Punk beats him.

He brings him to 8-1. So I'm sure that was a... It's a humbling experience. This is his first bump in the road. And he's in UFC and he's fighting real guys. He's got to expect it. UFC is not one of these things where you're going to have a guy who's, you know, Rocky Marciano who's going to retire undefeated

and be 49-0. That doesn't happen. It can happen so quick that these guys – you lose a couple fights here and there. It's just the way it is. That's the way it goes. Yeah. You're barely wearing any gloves, so you get caught with a punch you're not expecting. You get knocked out.

It's kind of over. Yeah. Some guy could just get behind you and hook you in a weird way for two seconds, and even a guy who's below you, it could happen. They fight so frequently and so often that you're not trained for what you're up against. I've seen videos of dudes that just fucking give up. They just walk away. They're like, fuck it.

We've seen it before. Our guys have done it before. Yeah. Where it's just like, yeah, I'm done. Boxers rarely do that. It happens way more in UFC. Yeah, absolutely. Also, too, the different fighting styles, too, where it's like you'll have a guy.

What's going to happen when these two guys, you don't know how their fighting styles are going to mesh and they mesh in a weird way whereas in boxing you pretty much know you know you and i'm sure they spar in ufc the same way i go with a guy with a similar style when they're coming into a fight but i still i think it's different when it's live action and it's live rounds doesn't matter how much you spar with somebody that fights something completely different when your fight is two weeks later. You've got to fucking be in that ring all day, every day to know what to expect. And it doesn't matter because it's not the guy. Because guys, every time somebody fought Mike Tyson, they fucking sparred with a guy who was most like Mike Tyson.

And it still wasn't Mike Tyson. So you weren't getting hit by Mike Tyson in the end. You just had a shorter guy who ducked in and tried to get underneath you and hit you with uppercuts and hooks. Different thing. So April 2nd, 2004. So this is three months later. This is actually two months later.

That's too fast. The end of January and the beginning of April. And the last fight went all three rounds. So, I mean, you're getting hit and a lot of things happening. It's UFC 47. It's on is the name of it. so now they've run out of ice by 47 they ran out of gas and they should have just started going with fucking just numbers like just failed fucking like yeah it's so bad it's on really it's on well it's after this isn't it where they start just going to uh titling it whatever the headlining uh matches where it's like you know it's on. It's after this, isn't it, where they start just going to titling it whatever the headlining match is.

It's on. This guy versus this guy. UFC 82, somebody versus somebody. They're at the point where their next one is got UFC. It's so stupid. It's so dumb. Got a UFC mustache. This one's in Vegas.

It's on in Vegas. He fights Yves. I don't know. I never know how to say this. Y-V-E-S. Nope. Ives? I think it's in Vegas. It's on in Vegas. He fights, I don't know. I never know how to say this. Y-V-E-S. Nope. Ives? Yves.

I think it's Ives. Whatever it is. Edwards. Which, never mind what his fucking name is, because his nickname is the best. His nickname is what we're really interested in. I'll probably look at the ceiling and go, the best. It's the best. He calls himself, quote, the Thugjitsu Master.

Thugjitsu. Thugjitsu. Thugjitsu. Okay. So he's a black dude. What is that? Thugjitsu, I suppose, is when a black guy does jujitsu and wants to intimidate white guys. And when that doesn't work, he shoots you? He calls it Thugjitsu, apparently.

Yeah, I think he's missing the point of if he's fighting by the rules of a thug. By definition, he wouldn't be a thug at that point. So I don't know what he's thinking. And he's a 42 and 22 career fighter. Wow. So he's a guy with a lot of fights. Fuck. He's not some guy who's not icy who came in, lost his last eight or nine, gave himself a stupid nickname and went home. Like, this guy's a serious fighter.

This fight goes the distance again. This is a split decision, which is always painful for anybody who loses a split decision. And today it's Hermes who loses a split decision. Don't let it go to the judges, Hermes. No, but yeah. You are not good at those ones. Fuck, split decision. That's brutal.

So now he's 8-2 after that fight. October 15, 2004. He is not in UFC right at this moment here. This is a Euphoria card. I don't know. Euphoria is the name of the promotion. Euphoria Road to the Titles is the name of it, which is a better title than what the

other one was coming up with. We get it. It's in Atlantic City, New Jersey. That's nice. Which is not nice at all. It's a terrible, awful place to be. And so he's come a long way. It's better than Evansville. We'll put it that way. He's fighting. It's Steubenville.

It's not Steubenville. He's fighting Phil Johns, whose nickname is the Little Giant. He is five foot two. I think we've heard of him before. Phil Johns. I don't know. He's five two. Maybe not.

The Little Giant. Five two one sixty. It's not a Little Giant. That's so weird. Five two one sixty. That's a tiny person. Yeah. Five two one sixty. It's not a little giant. That's so weird. 5'2", 160. That's a tiny person. 5'2", 160. And he's fighting.

And he's fighting. That's a ballsy little fucker. Yeah, he's a ballsy son of a bitch. That's a thick motherfucker, too. 5'2", 160 is thick. My Christ. You are fucking... That's me minus six inches.

Yeah, that's... That's crazy. That's a lot. Yeah, that's a thick dude, man. He's a 30 and 14 career record. He's a good fighter. So he has 30 wins in this fight, in his career. Low center of gravity.

Yeah, he's got to be tough to take down. I'm sure he's double-legging you all the time. So Hermes here wins by submission with a rear naked choke at 47 seconds in round one. He said, get over here, you little bastard. That would be tough to get into. Once you get him, though. That's like giving an eight-year-old a rear naked choke. That's what I mean.

Yeah, my son's bigger than that. He's 11. So it's like, yeah, that's, he just, 47 seconds, too. He had to chase him around. He said, come here, you little son of a bitch. He goes, no, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to. And he had to go, nope, you get over here. I'm going to choke you. And then he choked him out really good.

It's a lot of chase. It is. It's a lot of fucking chase. So he's going to have another fight coming up here at the end of October against a guy named Manny Reyes Jr., who obviously is named, and he's a complete moron, this asshole. So perfect.

His nickname is The Crippler. So Manny the Crippler Jr., Reyes Jr. he's a complete moron this asshole so perfect his nickname is the crippler so manny the crippler junior uh reyes junior it's a little pc that's anti-pc the crippler how about you leave the people in wheelchairs alone sir chris benoit was the crippler and look what happened there so you know what i mean it's a bad. And this guy's a junior, so holy shit. Heartless fuck. Yeah. He says that there was a, when he went to do this, he said, when I did go to the underground and leave some messages, they think it was funny and they love that. I don't know what that means exactly. But then he says, so this guy Manny Reyes was writing some trash around 2004. This is later, obviously.

He was saying he was the UFC champion, and I thought, this guy is crazy. He was challenging me for some reason, and one of the promoters said, okay, Hermes, you want to fight? And I said, I don't want to fight this guy. He's nobody, this Manny Reyes Jr. He's a 7-4 career fighter, Manny Reyes Jr. And coming into the fight, he only had three fights so far. And he's got a and 4 career fighter Manny Reyes Jr. coming into the fight he only had 3 fights so far and he's got a mouth on him already

he was 3 and 0 and he has a mouth on him already so like a fucking idiot like a comic he's like an open mic I think I should open for Burr now when he comes through town no you shouldn't you don't know what you're doing so this guy said

I don't want to fight this guy. He's nobody. So he said the promoter said that the fans want someone to kill him. Because apparently this guy just had a big mouth and he was acting like a tough guy. And so people wanted to see this guy get his ass kicked, which that's wrestling, folks. Wrestling is you want to pay to see that guy get his ass kicked by the guy you like. Period. That's the fucking shit. So this guy figured that out at three fights, and it worked.

He was selling tickets. They said they were selling a lot of tickets. So this guy wanted $2,000 to $3,000. This guy did. Manny Reyes Jr. for this fight. That's a lot of money. Yeah. He said because he was so expensive, the promoter asked me, this is crazy, asked Hermes if he

would fight for $1. Will Hermes do the fight for $1, he says. Will he beat somebody's ass for $1? Will you beat this guy for $1? Because I'm going to pay him $3,000 to get beat up by you, and I'm going to sell all these tickets and make money and pay him a bunch, and you don't get any. Nothing.

But you're the reason why they are coming to see him get beat up by you. That's comedy. That's comedy. It's so similar, minus the brain damage it's so fucking similar every time we do a wrestling episode or an mma episode i go this is fucking comedy you still gotta change your schedule to go do this shit that's all it is uh so he says i said quote what the fuck obviously and the promoter said come on do it for me you're a good friend okay and then he said okay let's fight for one dollar so he come on, do it for me. You're a good friend. OK. And then he said, OK, let's fight for one dollar.

So he said he'd do it for one dollar. So he gets. That's you going out for the check. Yeah, that's it for fucking. Yeah, exactly. Going out for no extra money to dance around while people do math with the fucking house lights on because this headliner thought he was too good to fucking tell jokes while people do math.

Fuck you if you do that. That's an asshole move. Any comedians that are listening, if you get to be a headliner, never make your opener do the fucking check drop stop. You're a dick. That's part of your fucking job, to muscle through that. You're the guy who's getting paid a lot for that weekend, not this asshole. Just don't make him do it.

They're there for you. You should be able to get through that. And they'll say they'll do it, and it's no problem, but then all the other comics are going to be like, what an asshole that guy is. You have lost your street cred at that point. And that opener is telling everybody how much of a dick you are. Everybody he ever opens for is going to say, that guy made me do a check drop spot. And all the headliners are going to go, what an asshole.

Even if you're friends with them, they're still going to say, that dude's, wow, that's fucked up. What a dick. And then they're going to make fun of you too. So moving on. He says, Hermes says, he gets there, and he says, and the arena was crazy. Everyone was waiting for it like I was fighting BJ Penn or something. It was packed. And then

when we're in the ring, I can hear the promoter shouting to me, kill him, kill him. The promoter? The promoter. He said, I said, quote, bro, you can't do that. You're the matchmaker. You're supposed to be impartial. So kill him.

Kill him. Amazing. How would you like to be this other guy? The whole crowd wants you dead. And even the promoter's yelling, kill him. Kill him. Jesus, I think I'm in trouble. Well, at that moment, while you're getting your brain punched in and the promoter's saying, kill him, kill him, you should be in your head going, I should have asked for less money.

I should have had maybe everybody be happier. Maybe if he wasn't making a dollar, he would go easier on me. Like we said, Manny the Crippler Reyes Jr. 3-0 coming in. It's his big shot here. He's talked a lot of shit. Fight goes 37 seconds before Hermes knocks him out with

punches. He went in there and the second he caught up with him, he got his dollars worth by just fucking punching him a few times and going, there, you happy now? Fucking leaving. There are people that I would love to fight for a dollar, though. Yeah, there are. I would do it for a dollar. There's a ton. I'll fight Skip Bayless and I'll give him a dollar.

I'll fight him tomorrow. And he's one of those old men that's in shape and works out and goes jogging in the morning. I'll still kick his old frosty ass. He's the douche that gives a shit. Bring it on, Skip Bayless. I want to fight Skip Bayless. Who else have I offered to fight? Curt Schilling, even though he's bigger than me.

I think he'll probably beat me up. He's got like 100 pounds on me. But it's all fat. It doesn't matter. I want a piece of him. One shot in that fat mouth, I'd be so fucking thrilled. And he lost all his money. I'll bet you guys net worth.

You fat, broke fuck. I'll bet your net worth is even by this point. Well, what it says online, yes, but not my actual net worth. Not my actual net worth. No, I guarantee as much money as he's lost. He can go do an autograph signing and make more than I made in the last year, I'm sure. So let's not go there. He can bloody up an autograph signing and make more than I made in the last year, I'm sure. So let's not go there. He can bloody up some socks and sell those shits.

He still got it. Yeah. Oh, and then he got fired from his jobs on TV for being an asshole. Because he's a cunt. Yeah, he is a cunt. Good job. So him and Bill Cosby. I'll also fight him.

Yeah, I'll fight a blind nine-year-old man. That would be great. That's ballsy, right? I'll make both your eyes milky, Bill. Yeah, let's go, Bill. That would be great. That's ballsy, right? I'll make both your eyes milky, Bill. Yeah, let's go, Bill. That would be an amazing fight. How fast do you think he is by now? That'd be so much fun. Now, hold on.

Now with the punching and the, oh, damn. That would be amazing. You just called me a bitch. He'd be sitting there just afterwards with just a pudding pop on his head trying to fucking soothe his – Icing the fucking lumps.

Enough with the foul language. That's what he's mad at, not the punches. So Hermes wins this fight. Like I said, KO, 37 seconds. He's 10-2. Next he fights February 26, 2005. This is another Euphoria promotion fight. This is USA versus world.

Not the world. World. Which I like. It's in Atlantic City, which is not where you want to show world as our number one attraction. He fights the Thugjitsu Master again. He's going to fight him this time. This time it goes all three rounds again. Thugjitsu wins by a split decision this time.

So he is having a tough time with these fucking decisions. Was it a split with him too before? With him it was a... Yeah, it was a split. Was it a split? Let me look here. Yeah, split decision. So that's two split decisions in a row. I don't know why I couldn't remember that. That was really bothering me. So yeah, he's 10-3, two of which are split decisions to a guy who

calls his style of fighting Thug jitsu. So as happy as things are at times, there's bumps in the road. Maybe it's just hard to find somebody that fights that. That's all. That's true. Yeah. He's like, that style. I can't find a sparring guy who properly encompasses all the qualities of thug jitsu. I just can't. Hey guys, going to take a quick break from the show to tell you about one of our sponsors. I just can't. Hey, guys. Going to take a quick break from the show to tell you about one of our sponsors, 4hims.com. F-O-R-H-I-M-S.com. Here's the thing.

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Unleashed is the name of this. Undisputed, unleashed, unfiltered. Unstoppable. This is Honolulu they're fighting. That sounds great. He fights Ray Brada Cooper. Brada is his nickname. I don't know if that's like Brada.

Brada. Brada. Right. It sounds like Jimmy Snuka saying it, so I would say yes. He's a 14-9 career fighter. And maybe he's from Hawaii. Maybe. Maybe he's just a little lackadaisical, too.

He's like, I'll be there when I get there. I don't know. I'll punch you in a minute. He's just like, there's a lot of time. Let's fight when it starts. When it starts, it starts. I got shit to do, bro. It's going to rain eventually

and then we could fight. It's pretty out right now. We're over on the North Shore. Yeah, you know how it goes. You gave him a Boston accent. We're on the North Shore there. Go out surfing. The North Shore.

I hate that accent so much. Oh, man. So, sorry, Boston, but your accent's awful. So, this is a knockout with punches. 257 of round one. Hermes loses this one. So, Brada here knocks him out. Yo, hey, Brada, come here a minute.

You're getting knocked out. So, Hermes loses this fight, too, by knockout, an unexpected one. He was favored in this fight. So now he's 10-4. September 7, 2005 at the K-1 Heroes 3 event. This is in Tokyo, so at least he's getting out there. He fights Kotetsu No-Face Boku. No-Face.

No-Face. I saw his face. He's got a face. I saw it. Maybe that's just a rule he's got. His eyes aren't very big, but I saw his face. No face. I saw his face. He's got a face. I saw it. Maybe that's just a rule he's got. His eyes aren't very big, but I saw his face. Sorry, I couldn't help that. Patrick Jackson Jr.?

That was too easy, is honestly what it was. His eyes aren't very big. That was just one that was just, you can't not make that joke when it's there. I'm sorry. So Kotetsu Boku, he's a 26-12 fighter. He's still fighting today, actually, which this is years ago. This is a two-round fight for some reason, only a two-rounder, and it goes the distance with Hermes losing by a majority decision this time.

What the shit, Hermes? He is having a bad run of it. He's now 10-5. So this went from 8-0 being like, holy shit, this is the next guy at this weight, to now 10-5 and he's losing 10 and 5 uh so this went from 8 and 0 yeah being like holy shit this is the next guy at this weight uh to now 10 and 5 and he's losing the guys with no face yeah he is 2 and 5 since joining the ufc yeah that's not good like yeah he's since the ufc i don't know if it's his confidence i don't know if it's just the level of competition but or what it is but uh he's losing this a lot of times guys he should be beating be beating, like some of these guys we talked about. Now, March 17, 2006 is the World Extreme Championships 19 Undisputed is the name of this.

So we've had three different promotions now use Undisputed with one guy fighting in them. So imagine how many small promotions all over the country are using that as the title of their program. There's still too many disputes. Too many fucking disputes. This is in Lemoore, California, which I looked this up. This is a central California shithole. It is central California inland, like the county off the ocean. Really?

There. So this is north of L.A. and way east of the ocean. And east of the ocean. It's just the middle of California. Lemoore. Lemoore. And east of the ocean. And east of the ocean.

It's just the middle of California. L'Amour. L'Amour. It's the type of place where if you just had a couple of guys fight each other in a parking lot, people would show up and pay money for it because, fuck, there's nothing else going on. So he fights Gabe Godzilla Rudiger is his name. How do you get to Godzilla from Gabe Rudiger? Gabe Rudiger, which anybody named Rudiger is fucking Rudy. Yeah.

That's who you are. You're Rudy. You're just Rudy. You're not Godzilla. Everyone called him Rudy growing up. He's like, I'm not Rudy anymore. I'm Godzilla now. Tell everybody.

Just tell them I'm Godzilla. Make them call me that. He runs away. I know you haven't heard. They didn't go up and tell you. You've been gone a while. You've been gone a while, but I'm Godzilla now. No sandbox anymore. I'm not Rudy anymore. been gone a while, but I'm Godzilla now. No sandbox anymore.

I'm not Rudy anymore. You know what I mean? I'm not Rudy. Maybe they didn't go up there and tell you. You've been gone a long time, but I'm Godzilla now. Somebody gets stabbed in the fucking neck. That's it. Billy Bats.

It happens. So he is an 18 and 8 career fighter. Hermes must be pissed about his run here uh because he comes out fucking firing away in this fight uh wins by uh ko with punches in 36 seconds rudiger really took it rudiger took it on the chin for this shit right he must have been losing his mind hermes and wanted to fucking get on it too because also he hadn't fought since september and this is in march all right he must have just been like a six month rest yeah he must have been just like a corked champagne bottle ready to go off. He wins the World Extreme Championship lightweight title in this fight.

And now he's a career 11-5 fighter. So he's like a wild card team in the NFL. He's got a chance. He can make it. April 22, 2006. This is just a month later. This is the Absolute Fighting Championship 16. No name.

Good. He fights. This is in Fort Lauderdale where all wonderful things happen, obviously. He's really fighting a lot in fucking Florida. Yeah. White trash loves to go watch UFC apparently. Very popular down there. A lot of people do.

No offense to anybody else who likes it, but that's your primary audience. You picture people in loose tank tops, and Florida's got them. Loose tank tops. You know what I'm talking about? Florida, yeah. The fat fucking straps that go. Loose tank tops with something of Florida on them also. That's the other thing.

A fucking sunset. Yeah, that's a sunset and a fucking dolphin, something turquoise, some horse shit like that. He fights Ryan the Lion Schultz. There you go. It rhymes with my name. I like it. I'm in. So far, I'll take it at this point.

He's a 23 and 14 career fighter. Hermes wins by knockout with punches again. He's gone from choking everyone to punching everyone, which is fighting style. He's angry. Yeah, he's angry. This is round one again. He comes out firing against the Lion. He's now 12 and 5, May 13, 2006.

So this is less than a month later. This is when we're getting them, stacking them. This is a TC-14 throwdown. Yeah. It's in Del Mar, California. That's beautiful. Yeah. That's a great place to fight.

That's a better place. It's better than Lemoore. Yeah. He fights Toby Amata, who is a 30 and 18 career fighter. And I looked, he doesn't have a nickname, but I looked at his picture, and if he had a nickname, it would be that mean-looking Asian dude. Damn, that guy looks

tough. He's Asian? His name's Toby? He's Asian, his name's Toby, and he looks mean as fuck. He looks like he'd kick your fucking ass. Fantastic. Yeah, he looks like he would fucking Tokyo drift his car into a parking space perfectly, parallel park that bitch, get out and fuck you up. That's what he looks like, big time.

All right. It's pretty impressive. I'm on board. Yeah. Hermes wins by submission with an arm bar, so he apparently looks meaner than he acts. He's got a whip for you, Toby. Yeah. Arm bar at 53 seconds in round one.

These are all a lot of short fights now. He doesn't want to go the distance anymore, so he's throwing the kitchen sink at this shit. He's 13-5. June 15, 2006 is WEC. This is World Extreme Championship. 21 Tap Out is the name of this. You know, they probably tried to brand it with the awful brand of clothes. This is in Highland, California.

We did two words. See, that's. No, no, we did two words. See, that's the difference. Yeah, we made it. We put a space between the P and the O. Totally different now. It's cool. Just rock that shit. Don't sue us.

No, please. So this is in Highland, California. He fights Brandon the Animal Olsen. The only thing I've seen that makes him the animal is he has a beard. Ooh, what an animal. Scary. You're such a scary guy with your fucking facial hair that you have a 9 in 10 career record. Yeah.

Such an animal. Ooh. Fuck. If your whole personality rests on your facial hair, you're a fucking loser. You're a douchebag. I'm sorry. Yeah. Your whole personality shouldn't be about, well, look at my beard.

Right. Yeah, I know you say that, but mustache. Right. It's twisty on the ends. Like, what the fuck? Same thing. Your fucking novelty dumb shit facial hair. If you're a big lumberjack motherfucker with a beard, awesome.

Yeah. Good for you. Right. Good for you, you big bastard. If you're just a dude with a beard goes for you. But if your thing is you want to be the animal because you have a beard because you want that to be like your thing that makes you unique right being able to grow hair from your face isn't a unique feature it means you have a penis or you're italian and you can't afford razors that's all that's it or you just don't like shaving yeah either way

you're not the animal listen here you hasic motherfucker, unless that's the reason, or you're a big lumberjack-looking motherfucker, I'm sorry. I can't understand it. And if your nickname relies, if you shave and now your nickname doesn't apply anymore. Why are you the animal anymore? You just look like the standard white dude now. You're not the animal. I used to have a big beard, so now it's a lot different. So I got to act crazier now just to let them know.

I got to come into the ring on all fours. Yeah, that's what you do, barking and shit and drooling. And I got to tell you what, man, my trainer guy, yeah, you just stand there real still. Just act like you don't see me. I'm going to be on all fours. I'm going to come over. I'm just going to lift my leg and piss on you. Just act like you're a fire hydrant.

Look down and be like, what the hell, man? Hit me with a newspaper and I'll run away. We're going to work this because I need the beard and I don't have it. So on the walk to the ring, don't forget you got to hold the leech. Don't forget to bring a bag. Bro, bring a bag. I'm telling you right now.

Bring a plastic bag because I'm going to stop. Stop at the dog park on your way. I'm going to stop about halfway down the aisle, and I got to tell you, I'm going to let one loose like a son of a bitch. I've had so much creatine today. You're going to need to pick it up or else they're going to throw it in the ring. You know they are, so pick it up.

Don't worry. It's solid. It's going to be a solid one. I drank so much Metamucil. A lot of chicken. It's going to be just solid. So the animal loses by submission with an arm bar at 40 seconds of round one. So that beard, a lot of good that did.

She got you a nickname and nothing else. So this is a 14-5 as Hermes now. This gets him back in the UFC. Look at this. 2006, July 8, 2006 is UFC 61 Bitter Rivals. It's the name of that one. It is in Las Vegas. Again, he fights Joe Porkchop Jordan. Do you know who Porkchop is?

I have no idea. I heard the name Joe Porkchop Jordan. It sounds like a turn of the like a fucking Depression era boxer. This is Porkchop Jordan. He came in on the hobo card. Come in with a bindle to fight and shit. But he's a 49 and 14 career fighter.

Jesus. Which you would, if you saw this guy, you'd never believe it. What year is this? This is 2006. I should know who the fuck that is. He looks like a, there is nothing about him that would give you any inclination that this man's a professional fighter. He looks like just a schlubby looking white guy.

I mean, BJ Penn, if you saw him on the street, you wouldn't expect him to be a fighter either. This guy, with his shirt off, you can't even tell he's a fighter. BJ Penn's fucking front, his chest, looks like a Ken doll. It's depressing. This guy, though, looks just like, yeah, you know, I could lose a couple of pounds, you know. At the office, there's cake all the time there, you see. So if I drop the cake, maybe that's what he looks like.

Just kind of a guy who drinks a little bit on the weekends. Not a real intimidating looking fella. Joe Porkchop Jordan? Joe Porkchop Jordan. I see him. You're right. It's not. He just looks like he works in a cubicle somewhere.

He looks like he probably has a lot of guns in his closet. That's it. 49 professional fighting wins this guy has. This fight goes. Wow. He's fucking doughy as shit. Yes, I mean he's doughy. He doesn't look like a professional athlete by any stretch.

He looks like me with his shirt off. I was going to say it and I felt bad. I'm like, I'm always picking on Jimmy. I call him short and shit and I feel bad. Sorry. He looks just like you with his shirt off. He does. He's got a little belly. He I'm like, I'm always picking on Jimmy. I call him short and shit and I feel bad. Sorry. He looks just like you in the shirt. He does.

He's got a little belly. Yeah. He's just like, you know, like the fucking shit over the side. I'm not great, but you know,

if I work out for a couple of months, I can get it together. I guess, you know, if I really have to. If I jogged for a while, I'd be all right. I could do it.

He's even got a fucking farmer's tan. Yeah. He just looks like a guy. That's what I mean. Like his forearms are tanned. This is depressing. That's a professional fighter with 49 career wins. I saw that.

I did a double take. Because normally, I mean, I see these guys. That's amazing. Unless they're like a really tough looking Asian or a guy with a stupid beard. It's hard to notice a lot of physical features. This guy, I'm like, I'm trying to figure out like an angle to take on him. I'm like, he looks like me. I'm trying to figure out an angle to take on him. I'm like, he just looks like

a schlubby white guy. He just looks like Jimmy Westman is going to go in the ring. He's got a rib tattoo and everything. Yeah, he just looks like... This is amazing. He looks like if you said, tell me about yourself,

he'd go, I'm nothing special. That would be the first thing he would say. I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm nothing special, but you know, I'm not terrible. I do.

So this fight goes to round three. Not all the distance. The farmer's tent is hilarious. That's what kills you. It's like, what the fuck, man? Jesus Christ. So this goes to the third round. 47 seconds into the third round, Hermes squeezes

this little pork chop with a triangle choke and I guess he gave up. It's 47 seconds into the third round. It's a loving nickname. It with a triangle choke. And I guess he gave up at 47 seconds into the third round. It's a loving nickname. It's a loving nickname. Pork chop. Come here, pork chop. Come here, pork chop.

He's like, I don't know. I like pork chops. Like, why pork chop? It looks like you do. I like pork chops. That's why. I love them too. It's why I look like this.

I like it. All right. Pork chop it is. 15 and 5 for Hermes. Like we said, 49 and 14 career for old pork chop I'll take a pork chop make a nice pork chop that's what I'm doing

sorry hey let's all talk about pork chops I am so hung up on this fucking guy it's the weirdest thing he looks just like me he's so unremarkable

that I had to fucking remark on it that's the thing normally it's like like I said an outstanding physical feature but he had nothing

or it's just like there's nothing to say about this but he had nothing. There's just like, there's nothing to say about this man. He's just, even the look on his face in his picture is just like, I don't know. Here I am. Nothing special, but I'm trying. You got the picture? I gotta go. Alright, I gotta go now. I gotta get to the office. Smell the pork chops. They're done. You smell it? They're smelling good.

So on August 26th, 2006, as UFC 62, this is Liddell versus Sobrial. This is in Vegas. They dropped the names at this point. They're like, fuck it. It's enough. The main event.

We're going to have so many of these. We don't have time for these convening groups of people to name this shit. Now, Franca is a late replacement in this fight. It's supposed to be Spencer Fisher in this fight, and Spencer Fisher injured his back while training. So there is short notice, and Franca takes the fight. So anytime that happens, it's a disadvantage, obviously, because you're not in your peak training. Franca's fucked. But it's also an advantage because the other guy has not been training for you.

Good point. So you haven't been training for them either, but it's one of those things where it's usually not good, but sometimes you can pull some shit off. He's fighting Jamie C4 Varner. C4. He's so explosive. C4. C4.

C4. Can't be contained. He's a 21 and 11 career fighter, old C4. Jamie wins. Jamie. That's the guy. Jamie loses. Right.

Hermes wins by submission with an arm bar at 331 of round 3 so he lets it go deep against old C4 but not bad to be able to go into round 3 deep into round 3 and still take the fight when it's a short notice type of thing so good for him

and to end it before it gets to those fucking judges those are no good for you Hermes yeah he knows it now you can tell once it gets to the third judges. Yeah, yeah. Those are no good for you, Hermes. Yeah, and he knows it now. You can tell. Once it gets to the third round, he's like, I really got to fucking get into this. Now, October 12th, 2006 is WEC, the World Extreme Championships, 24 full force. This is in Lemoore, California again. Ah, the Garden Center of America.

He fights Nate Diaz this time, who's a well-known UFC fighter. Well-known pothead. Well-'s a well-known UFC fighter. Well-known pothead. Well-known a lot of things, yeah. 19-11 career fighter, Diaz is. This guy has beat Conor McGregor. At this point? No, career.

He's 19-11 today? 19-11 right now. Wow. His last fight that he had was a loss to Conor McGregor. That's not great. No, it's not. He kind of would trade wins and losses at the end of his career. And like I said, he beat Conor McGregor at one point and then lost to him in the next fight. Hermes wins this fight with an arm bar in round two at about 246.

One of Nate Diaz's losses is to Hermes. Is to Hermes, yes. That's incredible. One of these guys, a guy who beat Conor McGregor, lost to this fucking guy who's worse than Conor McGregor as far as a lunatic goes, as we'll find out. So 17-5 for Hermes. January 25, 2007 is UFC Fight Night 8. That's Evans versus Solomon.

They're salmon. So they're fucking main events. That's it. Hollywood, Florida. So not quite Hollywood. He fights Spencer Fisher, who's the guy he filled in for two fights ago, fighting C4. Got it. He fights Spencer.

So you did me a favor. Now I'm going to fight you, I guess, is how that works. This is Spencer the King Fisher. The King Fisher. Fisher King. You fucking asshole. God damn it. I hate those.

I just want everyone to be pork chop from now on. Everybody's nickname is the pork chop. You're pork chop. Spencer Pork Chop Fisher. There. Done. It sounds better. It sounds better. Pork Chop Fisher sounds like something. That sounds tough. And by the way, the king, that means you cannot

lose ever. And if you do, you instantly lose that because you're not anymore. You're supposed to be infallible. You're supposed to be infallible. You're supposed to be put here by the hand of God, if we're being honest here. It's supposed to be divinely put into power. So if you're divinely put into power, you should not have a 24-9 career record. What happened in those nine? You were being so gracious that you wanted the other people to win because you're a good king? Such a kingly man.

I don't think so. I don't think so. Wanted the other people to win because you're a good king. Such a kingly man. I don't think so. Hermes wins by TKO with punches at four minutes and three seconds into round two, bringing him to 18 and five. It is at this point after this fight that he becomes a permanent U.S. resident. So his legal residency, his visa status is going through.

He's a permanent resident now of the U.S. So look at him. He's a goddamn citizen or practically a U.S., so look at him. He's a goddamn citizen, or practically a citizen. And he's 18-5, one more win, and he's got a better record than Nate Diaz. Yeah, he's got more wins than Nate Diaz. And Nate is way more famous than this guy. Super famous, yeah, because he's had some wars with some famous people. July 7, 2007 is UFC 73 Stacked, it's called and then they went back to nicknames here. It's in Sacramento.

He fights. A failed TV show. Yeah, again. It's again. It's all this. Taylor Anderson's TV show. You fucking know it. You know it.

It's just all bad, failed fucking Fox shows or syndicated shows or shit like that. Unbelievable. Jesus. He fights Sean the Muscle Shark Shrek is his name. This guy, he's a 36 and 4 career fighter. That's not bad. He's fucking ripped, too, the Muscle Shark. He's jacked up.

We'll find out why he's jacked so much here. The Muscle Shark. This is for the UFC lightweight title. Sharks are made of cartilage, by the way. Muscle Shark. There's no muscle in those. Hey, guy, I'm a shark made out of muscle. You understand?

I'm like a shark, but I'm made of muscle. muscle if you imagine a shark what's scarier than a shark i don't know a shark made out of fucking muscle that'd be scarier to me you ever seen a shark flex before you ever seen that fucking pecs on a shark are unbelievable you have no idea what swimming does for them they keep swimming they keep swimming it's incredible pecs on a shark it's good i'm the muscle shark let's do this. What a stupid nickname. Oh, man. So Shrek is on him pretty quick in the first round. Franca actually gets him right in the beginning with a knee and actually almost gets him in a locked-in submission,

but Shrek gets out of the whole thing. Round two, they're still going. These two go back and forth. It's a pretty good fight here, actually. It's not bad. Shrek is winning the fight, though. I keep seeing him fighting a big green monster. Either that or a guy with a shark head on, like a shark costume on, which is even funnier.

The Super Bowl shark, the rice shark. Hey, hey, and this guy's jacking him up and punching him, trying to rip his fin off. He's like, come on, man. So, yeah, the end, too, in round five, Franca is, like, frantically attacking this guy. Yeah. The whole deal. He's really going after him because he doesn't want it to go to the judges here. The judges end up scoring the fight unanimously for Shrek here.

So Hermes loses this one. Brings him to 18 and 6. That's not the interesting part, though. Two weeks later, they make an announcement that both fighters tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. Oh, shit. Both of them tested positive

for steroid drostanolone. They get tested for. So, yeah, he's now fined and suspended. Does that take his loss away and take the win away from the other guy, too? No, no, no. They leave that alone. They keep those? They just leave that alone.

They're like, fucking both of them did it, so fuck it. What do we expect from the muscle shark, if we're being honest here? But this guy, who knows? So for this positive drug test that he encounters here, he's suspended from competing in California until July 5th, 2008. So it's a year suspension from the date of the fight. That pretty much just – he's suspended from fighting pretty much at that point. UFC suspends him too. He's also fined $2,500 for this. So a year suspension, $2,500.

He's also fined $2,500 for this. So a year of suspension, $2,500. He also, since then, he left, he was the armory is where he was training at the time. And that's where we had the thing with the guy with the belt and all that shit that I talked about earlier. And so he was removed from their main website as an instructor at that point because he was an instructor there. So I guess steroids, forget it. You can't be. Ruins everything.

Ruins everything here. He spent early 2008, early, I'm sorry, he spent January of 2008 helping BJ Penn train for his fight against Joe Stevenson for the UFC lightweight championship. So he was doing that. He says here about this whole thing, about being banned. This is before they officially suspended him. He says, quote, in the next few days, the results from the California Commission will be released. The tests will show that I had a banned substance in my system. I would like to apologize to my fans, the UFC, my students and family. I offer only an

explanation and not an excuse. I made a decision during a difficult time in my training for the fight that I regret. I had not fought for five months. Fighting is literally how I put food on my wife and child's table and how I pay my bills. As a fighter, though, even at this level, I live a simple life and I literally live from fight to fight, which most of these guys do, which is fucking unless they're like top level elite guys. They're living from fight to fight. They're hoping. Yeah. Fuck.

If I get knocked out or get hurt in this fight or something and, you know, I'm not gonna be able to put food on my table in six months. Make you rethink fighting a guy named the Crippler. Yeah. Don't fight the Crippler or the Thug Jitsu master. He's a master of Thug Jitsu. I don't know what that is. I'm not going to fight him.

That could ruin my chances of ever fighting again. Yeah. He said, not getting a paycheck for another few months and losing my chance to fight Sean for the title was overpowering. Fighting is the life I chose, and I love it. I was desperate, and I needed anything I could to get my injury as close to healing as possible and to be able to recover from the daily training regimen I was going through. His name was the muscle shark.

What do you expect me to do? Yeah, I knew he was on something is what he should have said. Clearly he's on fucking something. I need something too. I have to give him a lot of credit because everybody that tests positive for anything, the first thing they say is, no, it's bullshit. I had a supplement that the guy didn't tell me what was in it. I had a steak and they must have put anabolic in it.

Yeah, you know, it's always I had some fucking supplement and it wasn't listed on the ingredients list. Your job literally hinges on how well you know your body. That's it, and what goes in it. You took, right. What the fuck, everything that goes in it has to be perfectly okay. In the NFL, like, most cold medicine is banned. Like, if you have a stuffy nose, tough shit, basically,

because that will give you a boost. Deal with it. Yeah, that's going to raise your heart rate four heartbeats a minute. So that's going to give you an unfair advantage. That's how, whatever. But he's being a stand-up guy about it. He's literally saying, look, I was fucking hard. I needed to win this fight, and I was having a hard time training.

I hadn't fought in a while, and I did something that I thought would get me through it. I had an injury, blah, blah, blah. I give him credit for doing this, honestly. Yeah, he said, I made the short-sighted choice to hopefully accelerate the healing process and allow me to keep training. Under the pressure of literally not being able to pay next month's bills, I made a choice. Who can't fucking relate to that? I had to fight, and I did whatever I could to do so. Honestly, man, if you're out there and

you have to put we all do shitty things that we don't want to do to put food on our table whatever your job is isn't your fucking chosen profession you're the best Al that's what I mean guy you will get your dick sucked for money if you need the money like people will do crazy shit for fucking money this guy's trying to put food on his table. I get it. It's so funny that that just came full circle. It really did. That's what happens. All of our episodes do that. That's ridiculous.

It's all in one weird sphere spinning. Jesus. How did we do that? That was magic. Silly. Fucking magic every time. He says, I hope my fans, students, the UFC, and the public accept my sincere apology. Whatever punishment is dictated by the California Athletic Commission, I will understand. I hope my fans, students, the UFC, and the public accept my sincere apology.

Whatever punishment is dictated by the California Athletic Commission, I will understand. I would like to get through this. This is a very difficult time and the times ahead and get back to fighting. All the best to my fans and much thanks to my family and friends that continue to support me during these times. That's as stand-up of a statement as you can make about the whole thing. Still my kind of dude. Yeah, still your kind of guy. Yeah, it won't last long.

Trust me. October 31, 2007, he's doing at the University of Wisconsin-Superior. They're doing a martial arts, MMA, jiu-jitsu kind of a training session. You know, I don't know. Exhibition and then training session. They're also going to the Superior High School Gymnasium with Dave Warrior. Many will conduct a session from one to two. Hermes teaches a session that afternoon. Shoney, Mr. International Carter, Jeff Monsoon, or Monson, Monson, Monson, I don't know. Carlos Monson.

Thurman Monson will teach a course for four to five, and then spaceman Bill Lee will be in after that to teach a course. It's like a UFC festival. It's a UFC, yeah. It's just a high school gym. They're just showing people shit. The cost of the event is $55 if you want to learn jiu-jitsu from these guys, or $8 to watch.

Wow. They say those choosing to participate should wear shorts or sweatpants and a t-shirt. You don't come in your loafers and your khakis, probably, if you're going to do the MMA thing. Please don't come in a fucking three-piece. Jesus. Oh, my God. You can get autographs. You're welcome to go talk to Hermes. And all proceeds from the seminar will go to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, which is fantastic, right?

Not bad at all. MMA companies have donated fight equipment and apparel for a silent auction. They're trying to raise money, so that's nice. He's finally back fighting again July 19, 2008, which is exactly a year after July 5, but 19 was when they made the suspension announcement. It's UFC Fight Night 14, Okay. Silva versus Irvin. Okay.

So this is in Vegas again. He fights Frankie the Answer Edgar, who is 23 and 6 career, so he had some answers, I guess. It goes all three rounds, and Hermes loses a unanimous decision. Yeah. So that's your answer from the judges. They awaited the answer, and he didn't like it at all. The other guy's like, that's the answer I was looking for.

He's 18-7 now, Hermes. October 25, 2008 is UFC 90, Silva vs. Cote. It's at Rosemont. Rosemont is outside of Chicago. Rosemont Horizon's out there. It's Marcus Maximus Aurelio he fights. Maximus is his nickname, not his middle name. He's 22-10 career. This goes all three again. Maximus Aurelio he fights. Maximus is his nickname, not his middle name.

He's 22-10 career. This goes all three again, and Hermes wins a unanimous decision this time. How about this? He was nervous as fuck. He's like, not again. They've got to give me one at some point here. So that's October 25, 2008. Brings him to 19-7. November 6, 2008, it is 2.38 a..m which is never a good time to talk about a

ufc fighter ever by then they should be long sleeping ready to train the next morning rem sleep should have said in hours ago yeah instead he is arrested uh by uh officers who see him driving erratically and pull him over and arrest him for driving under the influence of alcohol. This is his first DUI offense in the country. It's in Jupiter, Florida. They would not release the police department for some reason. Jupiter Police Department wouldn't release information surrounding the arrest for some reason. That's where Tiger got arrested.

I think so. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. One of those fucking planet cities down there. Neptune or Jupiter or fucking Saturn, Florida. Is there a Neptune, Florida? I bet there is. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. One of those fucking planet cities down there. Neptune or Jupiter or fucking Saturn, Florida. Is there a Neptune, Florida? I bet there is.

I'm sure there is. I'm sure there's a Uranus, Florida. That's the whole state. But January 2009 here, they're talking about, Frank is talking about his upcoming fight. This is with Joe Luzon. They're talking about this fight supposed to take place on February 7th of 2009. This is in January.

They're talking about his general ups and downs of his career. Frank says, quote, I have a lot of experience fighting with ups and downs, so I can say if I don't train, I'm going to have a tough fight. If they train me hard, I'm going to have a good fight. That's how it works for me. So he's just basically going over that sort of shit. He said

he moved training facilities. As we remember, he left the armory place. He said he came to San Diego. It's a different training day by day. He feels more confident. He's training with different partners. He likes living in San Diego, working there. Fuck yeah. Yeah, who the fuck doesn't? Jesus Christ, especially if you're coming from Florida.

San Diego, man. It's perfect, god damn you're coming from Florida. San Diego, man. It's perfect, goddammit. It's amazing. He said, that's why I'm here in San Diego. I just want to train real hard because I don't want to surprise against nobody. He's a tough kid. He just lost to Kenny Florian, so I have to be careful. I have to train real hard.

So he's talking about all that. He said, they said, well, what's going to happen in this fight? If you're going to win, when's it going to happen? How? And he says, quote, Hermes Franco by whatever you want. That's my prediction. So submission, knockout, whatever round. Very confident. He's very confident. Just 12 days

away from this big fight with Joe Lauzon. He hurts himself. He tears his anterior cruciate ligament, his crucial ligament in his right knee, so his ACL, so he cannot fight. It's announced on a mixed martial arts website that he's not going to be in it. So they replace him. July 31, 2009, they're at the Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center in 29 Palms, California.

Beautiful. In the middle of the goddamn desert out there. Exactly 29. No more. Jesus Christ. It's all that would grow. That's it, man. This is professional fighters from the Affliction Clothing Line sponsor visited the combat center

to mingle with base personnel. They had Tim Sylvia, Hermes Franco, Albert Rios, a bunch of guys signing autographs and all that sort of shit. One of the Marine guys said, I think it's really awesome that these guys came out here. They have a really busy schedule. They could be anywhere else, but they're here. I think that's really great. And Hermes said, can I borrow $30? That's what happened there. He spot me at 20. He spot me at 20. Things have been rough lately. So, September 19th. I'm a fighter

and all I got is this douchebaggy shirt. They gave me this shirt. It looks really stupid. And in three years, I'm going to look like a total asshole if I wear this out of my house. That legitimately lasted like eight months. Some people are still holding on to it. It's disturbing.

Enough. Enough. It's disturbing. Enough. Enough. It is terrible. Take it off. I have worn them. Fuck, I'm proud to say I never had one, ever. I bought them at- Saw the future on that one. I stopped at the Salt Lake Airport and went through their fucking outdoor mall there.

Oh my God. And it was before they were cool, fucking air quotas. Yeah. And they were like, fucking nine bucks. I'm like, I'll buy these. These will be great. And then legitimately eight months later, they were a bunch. Let's just say any fashion you buy in the Salt Lake City airport is going to be less

than less than superior. Let's just say that it was a cool shirt for a minute i was like this is so comfortable wow literally 10 minutes later i was like i'm sorry i'm a douche burning them so i washed my car with them that's that's not bad they're great they're already torn up perfect so uh september 19 2009 is his next fight so he was expecting to fight all the way in February, and it's now until February, which is why he was probably asking Marines for $30 because he's hurting for cash right now. This is UFC 103, Franklin versus Belfort. So Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wall Street guy.

Tough times for him. You know what I mean? You get out of jail, you got to restart. You got to start somewhere. Housing crisis. Sometimes you got to grapple with some UFC fighters. I don't know. So this is in Dallas, Texas. He fights Tyson Griffin, who is a 16 and eight career fighter. And Hermes loses a TKO by punches. So this is not usually its decision for him. He's actually a TKO. The fight stopped

at three minutes and 26 seconds into round two. This makes Hermes 19-8, and this also gets him released by the UFC. That'll do it. So that'll do it. 19-8, released by the UFC. So if things weren't going great now, they're really not going great. If they weren't going great before, they've gotten worse now because now he's January 8, 2010. He's fighting at the MFDM Ballroom Brawl 4.

So, yeah, that's where we are now. MFDM Ballroom Brawl 4. It's in West Des Moines, Iowa. Not Des Moines, Iowa. There's a West? West Des Moines. Oh, boy. Wow.

Jesus Christ. It's really falling apart. He's like, I was in Vegas fighting people people have heard of. And now. Now I'm fighting in a town nobody's heard of. No one even knows this exists. They don't even know. It's not even in West Des Moines.

It's east of Des Moines. What's wrong with you fucking people? No, it's probably in West Des Moines, I'm sure. But they're fighting. He's fighting in West Des Moines. He's fighting Eric Little Lee Wisely is his name. He's a 29 to 9 career fighter. So Little Lee. Little Lee is his first name. Is there a 29-9 career fighter. What? Little Lee?

Little Lee is his first name. Is there a big Lee? I don't know why Little Lee. His name is Eric Wisely. Lee Wisely, maybe. Little Lee. Maybe there was a big Wisely. I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck that nickname is for, but it's not intimidating me. I'll tell you that right now. I'm ready to fight the guy tomorrow. I thought Big Lee was just made up by our president. Yeah, no. Little Lee is another one. That's coming next. This one, Hermes loses again.

Three minutes and 26 seconds of round two. Last time, it's three minutes and 28 seconds of round two, so it's like a two-second differential here. He loses by TKO with punches. Now he's 19-9. It's coming off the rails. It's coming off the rails 19-9. It's coming off the rails. It's coming off the rails, and he knows it's coming off the rails. So right after the fight, he retires. That's it.

He retires. He says he's done. He was TKO'd. By the next day, he said, I'm fucking done. He says, quote, the fans gave me the passion and strength that kept me competing at the championship levels for all these years. Without them, I couldn't have done it. I owe it all to the fans. So he is fucking says he's done.

He does a big interview about it. They said, why did you decide to retire? He said it was a hard decision. But he said, I'm 35. People don't realize I'm 35. I look young and I haven't been fighting for that long. But I'm 35 fucking years old. Fuck you, dude.

You don't get to say I look young, but you know, he's got blue hair and he's Brazilian. So he kind of does look he's a fucking Brazilian dude with blue hair. He kind of does look pretty young. Yeah. He doesn't look like a 35 year old guy, really. He says, but he hurt his knee. His body's not the same. And he said, it's just also the he's not making the same kind of money.

He said to get back in excellent shape and go to a good camp is very expensive. He said there's flights, partners, food, managers, coaches. It's very, very expensive. He talks about exactly how expensive it is. He said he didn't want to keep losing fights. No disrespect to Eric Wisely, but I don't want to keep losing fights to guys like him. So guys that he feels are beneath him cause he feels like he can't train and he's got injuries that are bothering him and he's just, his body's feeling broken down at that point.

They said, did you know before going into this fight, it was your last fight? And he said, no dummy, I got knocked out. He said, no, I decided afterwards, but yeah, I got knocked out. That's why I fucking decided. I was thinking about my next fight actually. Yeah, that's what it was. Fuck. Uh, dummy. Yeah, that's what it was. Motherfucker, you dipshit. Fuck. Dummy.

Yeah, no. If I won, if I beat the shit out of him in 30 seconds in the first round, you think I'm retiring after that? No, I'm going to make more money. Jesus Christ, man. This isn't. Nobody wins and fucking quits. It's not usually.

Right. Not in this sport. He breaks this down down he says about how really expensive it was uh he says uh the camp he was in was great he says it was a nice gym uh night great camp he was feeling good but it's expensive he says let's say you get a hundred thousand dollars for a fight and this is to break it down he goes or more likely like forty thousand dollars for a fight twenty to thirty percent goes to taxes. 10% goes to your manager. Another 20% for expenses like food, traveling, sparring partners, et cetera.

After that, you don't have nothing. It's really hard. I did 10 fights in 10 months in 2005 and 2006 before you make enough money, but I'm not able to do that anymore with these fighters out there. So you can't fight 10 fights a year anymore. He said that was the only way to make any money. He said there's a lot of great fighters and a lot of great camps. I think as I retire,

I'm just going to do a lot for MMA still. I love MMA, so of course I can't be far away from fighting. I'm just not going to be fighting professionally anymore. So he says, they said, what are you doing next? He said he wants to concentrate on teaching MMA.

That's what it is. He's looking to retire so he can concentrate on that. When you're fighting, you should be out of the school sometimes for at least a month to train. Now I have the East-West MMA. It's just growing, and I got a good offer to be the director of a BJJ program, which is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I'm not doing MMA, just Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I like the philosophy. I'm old school. He's got one in Baltimore, in Arizona, in Syracuse, and they're opening one in Portland next week, one of these Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu camps.

So he's got a life after MMA or after professional fighting. Sounds like the only people that make any money in the UFC are A, Dana White, B, Joe Rogan, C, Herb Dean, and then fucking Mills Lane. That's it. Nobody else makes a goddamn red cent off this shit. These fucking managers always. The silver-haired, middle-aged white men. You've just named a bunch of silver-haired, middle-aged white men.

That's who makes the money. And none of those people fight. No, Crime and Sports episode 116, and we just again said, oh, wow, isn't that weird? Only guys who are already rich and old and whatever, they're the only ones who make the fucking money. Too many people making any money. Shocking. Silver-haired, middle-aged white men from fucking this week. That's who makes the money.

Everybody else is getting their fucking ass kicked. Everyone else is getting brain damaged, getting shit talked about them for having to take steroids to overcome an injury to go get knocked out by a giant guy. It's fucking crazy. And every dime they make, they're sinking back into the company. That's right, man. So he's located at this point, relocated to Liverpool, New York. He says it's in Onondaga County, which we know from Otisco, New York, Small Town Murder Episode 8 there. He's teaching jujitsu there in the Bayberry Plaza.

It's called East West Combat Club. That's the name of all these different places. He said, it's really hard in my situation to train and teach, so I made the decision to just teach. He said, I want to try to keep more to the business side. It's not a big business. I'm not saying I'm going to be a millionaire, but that's what I like to do. I make a living.

I know every month I'm going to have my money. So this is a little more steady of an income than fighting. Those who can't teach. Those who can't teach and take from those who probably can't also. Exactly. Again, just like comedy. Same shit. In comedy, those who can't book.

That's what they do. They're like, fuck it. I don't know just i'll tell everyone else who's funny since people have told me i'm not funny jesus christ man oh man so again he goes into talking about how it was so hard to fight because you know you train for a few months you don't know how you're going to pay your bills uh you don't have another job when you're when you're a fighter obviously because you have to train the whole time. He said he's a good jiu-jitsu instructor, so he's going to take full advantage of that. He said he's going to compete in Brazilian jiu-jitsu amateur tournaments and grappling events and that sort of thing,

but he's not going to fight professionally outside of this anymore. So he's very excited. They're very pumped about the Portland office opening up. He says, I'm doing what I like, so I'm blessed. So he does so well at this that on September 24, 2010, he comes out of retirement to fight again. That's how well that's going. Wow. So he's fighting.

It's at the Scorpius Fighting Championships 1 in Fort Lauderdale. He fights Eric Wisely again. So he's like, I'm going to get my fucking revenge on this guy. It goes all three and he loses a unanimous decision and he's 19 and 10. How humbling. And no shit.

November 9th, 2010 at the Israel Fighting Championship. Genesis is the name of this. Where is that? In Tel Aviv, Israel. In actual Israel. It's in Tel Aviv. Jesus.

When they say Genesis, they mean... or some shit. Yeah. They say Genesis, they're like talking like fucking... Biblical they say Genesis. They're like talking like fucking biblical. It's really Genesis. He fights Moshe Ketz, who...

Wow. He fights a guy named Moshe Ketz. So he goes there and he's like, give me your most Jewish man. I'll fight him. Where is he? Give me the man, direct descendant of Jesus Christ. I want him. Now Moshe, his whole career, he went three and two.

And this is the last fight of his career. And then his mother talked him back into going to law school. And he said, now you, I'm going. My mother said she's paid for my college and I need to go to law school. And I said, you know what? Maybe it's not a bad idea. I'm going to slap it to New York. I'm going to go to New York. Exactly I said, you know what? Maybe it's not a bad idea. I'm going to slap it to New York. I'm going to go to New York, and I'm going to be, exactly.

So this fight goes all three. Hermes loses to fucking Moshe. Oh, my God. He loses and then hires him as his accountant right when he's done, which is amazing. He loses, and Moshe retires. Only a Jewish guy. There's a guy that goes out on top. Smart.

That's what I mean. He goes, I won by hitting the head a few times. I's a guy that goes out on top. Smart. That's what I mean. He goes, I won. Yeah. I hit in the head a few times. I'm not doing this anymore. I figured out how to get money from the other guys, and that's how I'm going to do it.

I want to be able to taste my matzah. I feel like, yeah, he's going back to law school. His mother says, like, this is ridiculous. Hermes is 19 and 11 and very embarrassed about this.

Made two years his record. He beat him. Exactly. And he beat him without even his yarmulke coming off, which I think is very underrated as a skill as a fighter. You can beat a professional without

it popping off. It's not bad. So December 19th, 2010, Extreme Valley Tudor 5, Franca versus Cater, the guy he's fighting. This is in Costa Rica. Beautiful.

He fights Ferid, the Hurricane Cater. He is from Tunisia, this guy. He's got a 22-11 record. This is insane. This fight goes all three fucking rounds. Okay. Hermes wins by unanimous decision. Then the promoter comes out and reverses the decision and says that this guy won.

Who fucking booked this? Dusty Rhodes? That's a wrestling. If you know that, you're a dork. But what I'm talking about. Don King has never jumped the ring. That's a wrestling angle. That's crazy.

It's called the Dusty Finish where you'd have a guy, Dusty Rhodes, used to book these matches where, because everything wasn't on TV, so you'd have these house shows every night, and you'd go to a city. He would fight Ric Flair. Ric Flair would be the champion. He'd beat Ric Flair, win the title. The crowd goes crazy. Holy shit, they get their big excitement.

But then he would give the belt back because they'd say he threw Ric Flair over the top rope fucking 20 minutes before the end of the match, and he should have been disqualified. So he's disqualified, belt goes back to Flair over the top rope fucking 20 minutes before the end of the match, and he should have been disqualified. So he's disqualified. But the crowd gets to think they saw a title change. So you make everybody happy. But then after a little while, everyone goes, hey, whenever things happen, it's bullshit. It doesn't work.

And then nobody likes it anymore. That's what happens here. Ridiculous. This is wrestling. He just went in and said no. This is so stupid, yeah. So, yeah, he was awarded the decision. The promoter, Lou Dwyer, attempted to overturn it, which is wrestling. He just went in and said no. So, yeah, he was awarded the decision. The promoter, Lou Dwyer, attempted to overturn it, which is crazy.

This caused a huge fucking controversy. They found out that there's a conflict of interest because Cater is sponsored by Dwyer and the business, J&L Irrigation, that they run. that they run. So they have, yeah, it's Dwyer sponsors Team FK, which is this guy's team, by paying his living expenses and taking a percentage of his winnings. This is bullshit. So, yeah, they're like, you can't beat our fighter, reversed it. So, yeah, it's ridiculous.

Days after the decision, though, the cater guy posted on his Facebook page saying that Dwyer decided to overturn the fight and it resulted in a no contest. And he says, what about a five-round rematch? That's what we should do. And presumably by the same promotion, which isn't going to fucking happen here. Never again. No, that's total horseshit.

So February 26th, 2011, this is G-Force Fight Bad Blood 5. It's in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Beautiful. Versus Jorge Serrat. This is the third fight of Serrat's career, and he is an 0-4 career fighter. So Hermes is like, I got to fight somebody I can beat. Right. So he beats the shit out of this guy, submits him with an arm bar at 237 of round one, bringing him to 20-11.

April 8, 2011, MFC 29 Conquer, Windsor, Ontario, Canada. He fights Robert the Beast Washington, who's a 19-11 career fighter. A lot of 19-11s. Hermes wins by KO with punches in round two at 26 seconds. Comes out storming. He's 21-11. April 23, 2011, Gladiator Cage fights Knockout Night One in Marion, Illinois. He fights Joshua Thorpe, who's a 13 and 16 career fighter.

That's the way you name it. Knockout night one, knockout night two. There you go. It's beautiful. It just goes on and on. Forever with that shit. Infinite. Until the end of time.

Right. Hermes wins by submission with a rear naked choke at a minute two in round one. So he's fighting some tomato cans now. He's got to get his confidence back up. minute two in round one. So he's fighting some tomato cans now. He's got to get his confidence back up. April 29th, 2011, it's the International Fighter Championship in Pernambuco, Brazil. He fights Thawa Rill, who's an 8-8 career fighter.

Thawa, T-H-A-W-A. Rill, R-I-L. Weird. 8-8 career fighter. Hermes loses this fight. 56 seconds in a round two by knockout. 22-12 he is. But he's busy.

This is the thing. He's very, very busy is the problem. It's not a good thing. He's busy. He still has his Team Hermes Franca Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Academy that he's now running. It's different from the other one he was running. So he's got fights going on. That was April 29, 2011.

On April 6, that earlier that month, there was a fluff piece on how great of an instructor he was. It's called Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt. Hermes Franca instructs a workshop at Central Combat Sports in Windsor, Ontario. So they're talking about this, and they're just saying what a great instructor he is. Doing great. This is April of 2011. He's losing fights, but like we said, he's so busy teaching the students. He has such a

fucking desire to give back to the students and make a difference. Jimmy, he's your kind of guy. May 18, 2011. He is arrested. He is sitting in an Oregon jail cell after turning himself in to authorities after having to fly from Florida, actually from Brazil to Florida, to Oregon to turn himself back in. jiu-jitsu student of his who is under the age of 14 my fucking years old at his jiu-jitsu academy uh in uh clackamas oregon uh where he taught uh he turned himself in on monday uh how early was he and how many orange slices did he fucking have you son of a bitching asshole so how how long ago

did he do that this is uh this in May. They're talking about this happened over the course from November to December of this time. He is charged with seven counts of sex abuse in the first degree as well as two counts of unlawful sexual

penetration in the second degree, which is the worst charge you could ever have. Any kind of unlawful penetration, I feel like which is the worst charge you could ever have. Any kind of unlawful penetration, I feel like, is the worst charge possible. You stuck that in there and you weren't allowed to in any capacity. And we're joking. Completely unlawful. We're laughing.

This is at a 14 or less than 14-year-old girl that he is fucking in charge of. And this just reminds me of Mandy Malone's situation so fucking much. It's too much. And we're so happy to see all of these guys actually getting what's fucking coming to them finally and I want to give her all the credit she's doing she's so vocal and so loud great and she's

not afraid at all and she's doing awesome and she that's how that's maybe the only that's how they should do it right well Henderson Thomas Henderson this is fucking Willie Mays Aikens is good but this she's actually doing great things to try to – Make a difference for others. To try to make it so the same shit doesn't happen to others, it happens to her, which is amazing.

And this guy is exactly who she's talking about in this world. And this is a huge thing in this world because you have people who are in charge of people who are younger than them that look up to them and they're in this world. It's just crazy. And it's such an intimate thing to train in that way because Taekwondo and Jiu-Jitsu is so – right, it's co-ed but it's so fucking hands-on. It's a tight-knit thing. Yeah, it absolutely is. And you actually have to touch the fucking people to do it. Yeah.

Oh, my God. It's So gross. According to the law here, the victim is under the age of 14 and the unflawful penetration charges indicate that Franca used an object or numerous objects on her. That's the law. Un-fucking-real. Yeah, the law here is the unlawful sexual penetration is any item or body part or anything and putting obviously in the other person. And sexual abuse is the touching of the sexually intimate parts of another, referring to whatever sexual contact there. So, yes, he only had the DUI before that.

He turned himself in knowing of this. They said that this happened between the unlawful penetration happened between November 30th and December 31st, where he lived in Oregon while he was operating the jujitsu school. After that, he moved back to Florida. So he wasn't doing the school in Oregon at the very time. They said he's being – obviously following these charges, Canada's maximum fighting championships is who he was working for, announced his termination immediately. They said his legal situation is a matter in the hands of law enforcement officials and soon to be going before the courts. And they basically said, fuck this guy. These are serious allegations that he's facing and I do not want the maximum fighting championship associated in any way with these matters.

Fuck that. Great call. Yeah. He's a diddler. Distance yourself fast. A murderer, anything like that. We can be like, well, we don't know the circumstances. He touched a kid.

Fuck that. Who cares? Wow. Who cares how? Who cares how it happened? The next day, there's an arraignment hearing. He pleads not guilty to all of these things. Seven counts of sexual abuse in the first degree. Two counts of unlawful sexual penetration in the second degree.

Bail set at $250,000. How do you go this route? Wow. Un-fucking-believable, man. The charges each carry a mandatory minimum sentence of 75 months, each of the charges. Each carry a mandatory minimum sentence of 75 months, each of the charges. The district attorney said that Franca has been cooperative with the office so far. He turned himself in and everything like that.

There's a hearing set to see if counsel is going to try to get a reduction of his bail. Let's just hold on to him for a minute, shall we? Since he's fucking touching kids, he doesn't need to be out, I don't think. I think he turned himself in because it would be very expensive to run. And the only way you can make money in his position is to fight, which is a public thing. Yeah, you can't hide. There's no running in this situation. There is no running. Absolutely.

You don't give him credit for turning himself in, is my point. He turned himself in because it's going gonna be fucking way worse if he runs yeah that's way fucking worse you can't run and plus then you could try to say look i'm not a flight risk i came back from brazil so you can let me out is the other thing you came because it's fucking hard to run from us and his lawyers were like you gotta fucking come back like lawyers never advise you to run don't fucking turn around man just keep going no no get a shitty hotel room under a fucking assumed name just different city every night man just keep going brother you can do this we'll be here holding down the fort and uh if they ask us anything we don't know where

the fuck you are all right cool peace man that never happens never send you a burner phone yeah yeah well you get back to me i'll send you send you cash oh you need weed i'll have it shipped to you that That never happens. They said that they were made aware of the allegations a number of weeks ago while he was in Brazil. He's been in contact with the DA's office and coordinating compliance with every aspect of the investigation. This is his lawyer talking. He voluntarily left Brazil and came to Oregon to confront these allegations. He maintains his innocence and has faith in the U.S. justice system.

Well, I think both those things are bullshit somehow. Calm down. He's not innocent and you don't have faith in this shit. We adamantly deny these allegations and want to point out that he's innocent until proven guilty. They said it's unlikely that it would go to trial very quickly, even though he's got a July 12th trial date. That's before we start getting into motions and all that sort of thing here. May 19th, 2011, this is the day of the— That was fast. This is the day of the arraignment, the day after he's arrested.

Manny Reyes Jr. now wants a rematch with him. Manny doesn't like kid touchers? The 3-0 guy. He said it's all over. He gave the sport of— That was the mouthy fucker. That's the mouthy fucker, yeah. He said it's all over.

He gave the sport of MMA. That was the mouthy fucker. That's the mouthy fucker, yeah. He said, what a disgrace to himself, his family, his fans, and to the sport. Now I will say this. A lot of people make fun of me on Google, on YouTube, et cetera, for my loss to Hermes in 2004. Yes, I played a role of the antagonist. Yes, I was the ultimate villain. And yes, I take full responsibility for the things that I say.

But at the end of the day, I stepped into that ring and I fought Hermes. Then he goes on to say, years later, he was tested for steroids and was caught. He was found guilty. Now, as I was saying on Google, you will find a lot of trash, capital letters, written about me concerning the Franco fight and the way I lost, et cetera. I can tell you today that compared to what Hermes Franco now has on Google, being a capital letter sexual predator and arrested for a crime that brings him seven counts of sexual abuse is embarrassing i hate this fucking guy he's such

a fucking idiot i said that on google we're on google i thought google was on google nope just it's a message board it's a 1994 message board you just put it up there and everybody looks to see what everybody else wrote. This guy's as much of an asshole as a kid toucher. Yeah. I fucking hate him. He says, God bless Hermes. He has disgraced himself forever in the sport of MMA. By the way, by the way, mixed

martial arts dot com, my true MMA record is 10 and 4. I'm making a comeback soon. I am training and getting an MMA fight shape. If Hermes Franca gets out of all this without getting jail time, I would like a capital letter rematch. Go ahead, post it on your newswire or on Google. Put it on your Google. Put it on your Google.

Manny Reyes Jr. versus sexual abuse convict Hermes Franca in a rematch. And please, fix my record already. Have a great day. What a complete asshole. He's the guy that just kicks people when they're down only. The next day. He didn't even wait to see how it resolved. He literally.

Manny, you're a cunt. He woke up, opened up his phone, and was like, oh, shit, and immediately typed that up. He didn't even fucking read the whole article. He's the guy challenging Jeffrey Dahmer to a fight the second he's arrested. Fuck you, Manny. I'll kick that guy's ass.

People like Skip Bayless deserve it. Fuck. So, June 2011, he's in jail and he is Hermes is, not Reyes. He's in jail and he releases a statement on an MMA message board on Google on Google here. And he says, let's see here.

Let's let's see what he says here. He says, this is not a statement regarding my current legal situation on these matters. I must trust God and the United States judicial system. Good luck with that. I believe in time the truth will prevail, as it always does. I'm releasing the statement to assure you that I am safe. With peace and serenity in my heart, I write these words. In the year 2000, I arrived in the United States with $300, spoke very little English,

and had a dream bigger than most. Over the past decade, I have had an unbelievable life and an unbelievable MMA career. God has granted me the privilege of traveling to many beautiful places, meeting numerous wonderful people, and I have personally witnessed dreams come true. My dreams! I tell you the truth when I say I am blessed! I recently read a quote by David Goetz that stated, too much of the good life ends up being toxic, deforming us spiritually. Wow, this honestly hits home in my heart. I'm ashamed to admit that along the way I lost sight of what is truly important in my life,

God and unconditional love for my friends and family. These are the things that should matter. I admit that at times I've been selfish, sometimes acting as if I knew it was better for my life than God himself. I'm sorry for this behavior, and I have much regret. was better for my life than God himself. I'm sorry for this behavior, and I have much regret. Drinking, women, parties, all a part of the lifestyle that has led to my failing as a husband,

father, and dreamer. None of those things make you touch kids. Ever. How many guys have we covered that acted everybody we've done had that same lifestyle like two of them have touched fucking kids about it. Unreal. Two of them have touched kids about it. That's not part of it.

What a fucking place. Drinking, women, partying, alcohol, kids everywhere. That's not part of that. That's not part of it. You know, I was just out there living that crazy lifestyle. Just drugs and partying in the club every night. There are fucking kids left and right. It's just too much.

It gets to you after a while. That's not how that works. You can't just lump that in with partying and women and drugs and drinking. And it's not like he's banging a 15-year-old. You know what I mean? Or a 17-year-old. Under 14. Under 14.

It's pretty obvious when they're that young, man. You can't even say that I was confused. Even the biggest dipshit scumbag out there is like, these fucking girls who are 16, they look 25. Even that guy? Right. Under 14. Right. Doesn't apply.

Doesn't apply. Child. Little child. Fuck. Jesus Christ. I mean, Reyes is right in everything he said, but he's so wrong because it was the day after. Unreal, yeah. Wait a fucking couple months and then be like, I want to kick his ass.

He says, I'm now a man with very little freedom. Still, I am a human being, I guess. A son of God and a fighter at heart. I will not let this keep me down. Okay. What? Yeah, he says, put God above all. Find your passion. Follow your heart. Respect all women and men in your life.

Children, eh, negotiable. The beginning of this speech is just, it's a success story. Everything he's saying is like leading up to, and now I'm the man of the people. Yeah, no. And now I fuck children, which is not the same at all as being a man of the people. It's ridiculous. January 5th, 2012, he's in court for this whole thing. He ends up being forced, not being forced, but figures out that the smart thing to do

is to plead guilty to this, to one count of unlawful penetration and one count of first degree sexual abuse. So that's what they, the rest is dismissed. That's part of the deal. Sentencing. The judge basically looks at him like he is an animal who just escaped from a zoo and has no problem sentencing him. He says, you, sir, may fuck off three and a half years in prison.

That's it. That's it. That is not enough fucking time. No. He should have, the judge should have said, you, sir, can have a huge gift. Here you go. Here's a sandwich along with it and a bottle of booze. Does he get to dye his hair in there, too?

Dude, three and a half years? That's such a fucking sweet thing to say to somebody. Wow. For pleading guilty to diddling a child under 14. Or something. Just anything. You can't put anything in a kid. No, you can't.

Stop it. Keep everything out of kids. You put macaroni and cheese in them and send them on their way. And only in one part of them. That it not the rest of them there's one part that's acceptable as a macaroni cheese intake the rest of it is just as bad as this guy so wow uh what the fuck man he'll also have four and a half years of post-prison supervision, so like probation, big fucking deal. And he must register as a sex offender. Woo-hoo.

No shit. Yeah, I would hope so. Is that only for the remainder of his parole or is that for life? I think that's for life. I would hope so. Sex offender thing here. Yeah. Apparently, yeah, so he's in prison for this time.

He's released. This is January 5th, 2012 he's put in. I guess he gets credit for time served while he waits. He's released in This is January 5th, 2012. He's put in. I guess he gets credit for time served while he waits. He's released in March of 2014. March of 2014. Diddle. No. Wow.

No. Well, that's when he's set for release from prison. The next month, they're getting him ready to get him out of there. That's when immigration officers step in. Uh-oh. They come in during his sentence here. He is remanded to custody of ICE, which is Immigration Customs Enforcement, after completing his sentence and placed for removal proceedings in prison. He was a lawful permanent resident of the United States.

But at this point, an immigration judge with the Department of Justice's executive office for immigration review found him fucking deportable. Yeah. Said this asshole is expendable. Yeah. Permanent resident or not. If we can get him the fuck out of here, let's get him the fuck out of here and ordered him removed from the US.

He's at that point held at the Northwest Detention Center in Tacoma until his removal. So, yeah, they said one of the representatives for the office there said, quote, if not for prison officials honoring an ICE detainer, Mr. DeBarros, which is his full name, would have been released into the community and free to reoffend. Wow. That is fucked up here. So, yeah, they end up booting his ass back out. He is escorted to Brazil by a federal officer.

Awesome. Fucking pushed off the plane. Have a good one, asshole. I got to get my connecting. I'm getting the fuck out of here. See you later. I'll look at the ass ocean. Don't worry about it.

So, yeah, so he's out. August of 2014, he's going to headline a fucking card. Someone's going to hire this man. Get out of here. Extreme fighter Nordeste at the Paulo Sarasate Gymnasium in Brazil, where he's from. He says that he won't lose his focus despite his, he calls it his run-in with the law in the United States. Run-in. It's a run-in with a child, you dick.

He said, quote, I don't let anything, but let's fucking, in their own words on this cunt right now. Quote, in their own words, quote, I don't let anything bother me. It wasn't the first problem I've had and it won't be the last. Everybody has personal problems. MMA is what I love. I first competed in jujitsu 20 years ago and I fought MMA since 2001. That's what I love. That's what I love. I first competed in jujitsu 20 years ago, and I fought MMA since 2001. That's what I love. That's what I do.

And you fucking diddle kids. That's the other part. Did he just admit to fucking kids before, and he'll do it again? He just said it wasn't the first problem I had, and it won't be the last. All right. People have said I fuck kids in the past, and they're going to say I fuck kids in the future. I'm going to be real fucking honest with you. What is that?

Right now. I'm going to keep fucking kids. That's it. Everybody's got personal problems. Everybody's got problems. Not everyone has that personal problem. That's the thing. Never had that personal problem.

That's a horrible problem, sir. That's a terrible problem. I'd rather have an addiction to heroin. I really would. He says he guarantees that he's innocent of all these charges. He said he's asked his lawyers to send him the police report, which he claims tells, quote, the truth about his case and proves that the real story was different than reported by the media.

However, he opted not to disclose the police report. So he's like, I have this document that completely exonerates me. No, no, you can't see it. I've lost that folder. I know. It's in my folders, okay? It's next to my immigration papers. Here's the thing.

If you are innocent of all charges, you never plead guilty, first of all. No, never. And secondly— Especially to that. Right. Ever. They'd be carrying me out of court, and I'd be like, I didn't fuck him! I didn't fuck him!

Never! I never fucked him! Yes, they're dragging you from the court. But if you've got fucking evidence that says that you didn't do it, then you take your fucking ass to court and prove it. I am taping that to my forehead and wearing it all the time. Oh, Jesus, what a dick. He said, who knows, one day I'll tell my side of the story. You'll be the first to know, This dickhead says to a reporter. You're so content with how innocent you are that you'll let guilty of child fucking hang

over your head? Let's have one more quote to be infuriating here. Let's see. Quote, I've moved on. Good for you. I hope she has too, you fucking jerk. It was a complicated situation, but I'm in another country now, which makes it all better. Now I'm in another country, so it's fine.

Living my life. I'm free. It doesn't affect me. I want to show the police report. I have it here with me, but talking about it won't change anything. Proving my innocence won't change it. I don't care about what people say about me. I'm doing my part.

Whatever I say, it won't change anything. My conscience is clean. I learned a phenomenal lesson. I screwed up a few times in my life. Wow. I had issues with alcohol, women, and drugs. Okay, that's not what we're talking about. And everything happens for a reason. I'm clean for three years, living my life.

I don't miss anything. God is so good that he gave me a fight the day after my birthday. I will celebrate my 40th birthday inside the ring. He says the sky is the day after my birthday. I will celebrate my 40th birthday inside the ring. He says the sky's the limit for his MMA career. And he's going to climb back up the ranks. He says the guy he's fighting, he doesn't know much about him.

He's not a top fighter, but he's a tough kid who's been doing a great job recently. So I don't know what the fuck that means. I hope whoever it is gets in the ring and then takes off a mask and it's Reyes. Yeah. Holy fucking shit. And just beats the ever-living fuck out of him. And he just punches him and people are like, kill him, kill him. The other way, he said, I've done much for the UFC.

I fought for the UFC in a time when Dana White wanted to sell the UFC and nobody wanted to even buy it. And I fought when no one would even consider selling it. Extreme fighter Nordeste came to me offering me this fight. I'm ready. I'm at peace, my friend. Everything is fine. I'm good now. Yeah. That's the longest I'm good. fighter nordeste came to me offering me this fight i'm ready i'm at peace my friend everything is fine i'm good now that's the longest i'm good now holy shit he's gross he's fucking gross now he's

in brazil getting to train and go around and he gets to go fucking spar where kids are less attended oh yeah oh i'm sure they're hanging out around the fucking gym with him because they're looking up to him because they don't fucking read english newspapers and they don't fucking know that he's been a convicted diddler now he gets to fight and train and hang out with his buddies and spar and go around and fucking he gets to eat 45 things of fucking chicken a day like these assholes do and one time though he forgot his chicken and he's walking around he's like i got to get something because i'm starving and he forgot his chicken and he's walking around. He's like, I got to get something because I'm starving. And he smelled something delicious and he walked into a shop and it's the shawarma man. And he says, how is it you've come to arrive here?

Why are you here? No, no, you, you know, come inside. No, you know, one more step. I have knife. You've come inside enough. Inside enough. I have daughter in back. I know make for you. No've come inside enough. Inside enough. I have daughter in back. I no make for you.

No. Sign say closed. Sign say closed for you, for the Buck Zumhoff, for the Dave Maggett, for the Tom Payne. No. No. I no make for you. Yes, Islam is very good too. I put the spice, the ziki, perfect.

But no. None for you. Keep fingers off. Sign say closed. You go now. I cut finger off. Poof. And in a puff of shawarma sauce and tzatziki sauce and pita bread, he's gone.

And Hermes is fucking confused now. He's like, I don't know what the fuck that was. I'm going to be weak for my fight now. Now, this abuse, as we've talked about, is not uncommon shit. As we know by Mandy Malone, And that's the tip of the iceberg. And you should follow Mandy Maloon if you care about any of this shit. Find her on Facebook. Find her on Facebook.

Because her Twitter is fucking dead. She doesn't fucking care about Twitter. She'll post all this stuff. She keeps posting all the updates on all these guys that keep getting banned from places and brought up on charges and all the things she talked about for years. Ronda Rousey talks about it also. Really? She says, USA Judo didn't bat an eyelash at Fletcher Thornton's dozens of documented accusations of molesting young girls. One of our A referees even covered his eyes and refused to look at the police reports these girls filed.

This is playing with the safety and careers of our athletes. These girls filed. This is playing with the safety and careers of our athletes. How is this man still allowed to be in the same venue of our athletes, yet alone protected by the USA Judo and kept in an extremely influential position? So, yeah, that was like she did that. She was kind of like the Hannibal Buress with Bill Cosby type thing. Everybody really started looking into that after that. And how long ago was that?

2008. OK, that after that. How long ago was that? 2008. Okay. That was there. Another one, they talk about one of the Gracies here, Renner Gracie, says, I believe a Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor's influence on a student is stronger than a doctor, psychologist, or lawyer. Wow. Which is what I think, too. They put students in impossible scenarios where they have no answer and then teach them the solution. It puts them in a position of being a purveyor of absolute truth and effectiveness.

And if this instructor has this degree of truthful knowledge, they must have the same answers for life. And that's what it is. And that's how they can talk these people into it. Out of their pants. Yeah. When Rousey, Ronda Rousey was 15, she qualified for the Junior World Championships in Brazil. When Rousey, Ronda Rousey was 15, she qualified for the Junior World Championships in Brazil. And there was a phone call here asking whether her, they said from her mom, asking whether Ronda would be attending this thing.

And the mother said, who's going to be on the coaching staff? And they said that hadn't been decided. So she said, you're not taking my fucking daughter. I'd like to know who. Who's my child going to be in the care of? Yeah, exactly. Because Ronda Rousey's mom isn't a fucking idiot. Exactly. She said she wasn't going to send Rousey off to some other country with someone

you didn't know. She said, yeah, quote if you took the sport component out of it and you asked someone if they could take your 15 year old daughter on a trip, there's no way. That's exactly it. There's no magic just because it's a martial art. The problem though and the scary part too is that the guys that did all this stuff got the trust of the parents because they're fucking villainous predators. Absolutely.

They know how to do that. And they burned the parents, too. Yeah. It's so fucked up. So you're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't. That's the whole thing. And they're talking about how do you figure it out.

And the Gracie guy said, I would look at the energy of an academy. If it becomes clear newer students are there to serve as grappling dummies for advanced students, it could mushroom into something much more serious. The goal of an experienced grappler is to get others to his or her level. If that's not present, get out. Don't wait until you get injured or assaulted sexually or not. So, yeah, look at the vibe of the place and if it's a fucking whatever. So August 28, 2014, he's fighting again.

He's fighting Marco Brano Ciara Rodriguez Braga. Wow. That's a lot. He's 18 and 5 because what he does is he forces people to say his whole name and then knocks them out when they're tired. It's like his version of Ropa Dope. Gets them in the middle of it. Yeah. They're like

and then he just lights them up. He loses. Hermes loses this fight. This is what happened. He said his name. It's at 31 seconds in the first round. It took 31 seconds to get it all out. And then fucking next thing you know, barrage of punches, and he's a loser.

22-13. June 13, 2015, WFCA 3 Grozny battle. This is in Chechnya in Russia. This is, goddammit, these people are crazy. Where he deserves to be fighting. Yes, he fights Shamil Lion of Dagestan Zavarov. That's a fucking name. Shamil Lion of Dagestan Zavarov.

He sounds tough. He does. He's a 35 and 5 career fighter. Sounds like a nickname of a serial killer. Yeah, Lion of Dagestan. Yeah, like that's Ch of a serial killer. Yeah, Lion of Dagestan. Yeah, like that's Chikatilo's best friend, the Lion of Dagestan. So he's a 35 and 5 career fighter. Hermes loses by knockout with punches at 43 seconds in a round one.

Knife and arsenic. In two fights, he's got a total of 74 seconds and he's been knocked out twice. Sounds like some people heard that he's a fucking pedophile and they don't like him. Jesus Christ, man. Those people, the fucking he's ruined UFC. Imagine he's got a wife and a kid. That's right. Oh, that's what you've been doing in America?

Fucking stupid. I mean, I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy, but not nearly. Not nearly as bad as I feel for Hermes Franca, director of administration of Global Franca Consulting in Salvador, Brazil. Poor guy. He's in the mining and metals industry. And he's Brazilian. Poor son of a bitch bastard.

He's like, I'm not DeBarros, though. I've never touched a child. I swear to God. I didn't touch any kids. You're dragging them away. It's not me. You know it, man. Unbelievable.

So August 22, 2015, WFCA 6 Grozny battle. Grozny, again, he fights Kassan Blackwolf Akhabov. The Blackwolf Ashkabov. Ashkabov. Wow. Ashkabov. Wow. Horrible. 16-2 career record. He actually wins this time, Hermes, with a submission by the guillotine choke.

Guillotine choke at 37 seconds in round two. He is 23-14. November 28, 2015, action fight two in Brazil. What the fuck? He fights James Dinamite Silveria, who's a 14 and 14 career fighter. This is his second to last fight, and he beats Hermes. So he's like, I'm about

to hang it up, but let me kick this pedophile's ass first real quick. I would love to, they must be lining up to fight this fucking guy. Hermes loses by TKO. That's gotta be why they're hiring him though, right? Because people show up to watch him get beat? He's just, no, he was in the UFC, and he's Brazilian, so he's a hometown heroKO. That's got to be why they're hiring him though, right? Because people show up to watch him get beat? He's just a nut. He was in the UFC and he's Brazilian, so he's

a hometown hero. They don't fucking know or care about that. He could just go, America's crazy and blah, blah, blah. And they'll go, yeah, no. Yeah, I'm sure. He's out. He's free. They say everybody fucks kids there. You know, it's like that sort of thing. So this is two minutes and 11 seconds of round two. He's 23 and 15 now. December

16th, 2015. So this is fucking really close on this. This is... Fuck. Akhmat Fight Show 12. It's in Kazakhstan. So, I mean, Borat's in the crowd. For sure.

It's crazy. He fights Fanil Rafikov. Borat's in the crowd looking for the pussy magnet. He's like, where is he? He's looking under chairs. There's a pussy magnet under here. So Faneel Rafikov is a 13-1 career fighter. And this isn't the one here.

This ain't the one. Hermes loses by TKO in round one at 111. 23-16 is his record. I'm sorry, 114. 23 and 16 is his record. February 25th, 2017, the Kunlun Fight MMA 9 in Hainan, China. Jesus. He's fighting Li Ping, the Warrior Zhang, who's a 28 and 10 career fighter.

This fight goes all three rounds, and I'm going to give you a guess what happens. Hermes loses. He loses the unanimous decision. 23-17. June 10, 2017. Aspera Fighting Championship 53 in Brazil. He fights Eduardo Dudu Andrade.

His name is Dudu. D-U-D-U. Dudu. Eduardo Dudu Andrade. I don't care. Your name is shit. Your name is Dudu. D-U-D-U. Dudu. I don't give a fuck how you spell it. I don't care. Your name is shit. Your name is Dudu. What's happening, Dudu? What's going on, poop?

Oh, my God. Eduardo Dudu Andrade. My Christ. That is not great. That's terrible. He's a five and four fighter, so he's Dudu. Second to last fight right here. It goes all three.

Oh, my God. With Dudu. With Dudu. He can't beat Dud-doo in under the prescribed amount of rounds. Hermes wins a unanimous decision because he's fighting a shit man. He then had to clean himself off

from all the smears. 24-17 on the career. He should call himself something at least a little more clever like Stink Pickle or something. October Oh my god.ober 14th 2017 this is the tajikistan fighting championship five and then they had a civil war and had to start all over

at one again we keep getting to six seven and then we start all over it's terrible his fighting career is we keep fighting each other. It's fucking over. Stop. This is in Dushanbe, Tajikistan, at the Hyatt Regency. That's what I thought was hilarious. They have a Hyatt Regency there. Fantastic. They will put a fucking Hyatt

anywhere. It's in Tajikistan. Wow. If it's got Stan on the end, just keep your shit out of there. Can I still use my points here? Do I get free wife? Because I'm a member. I'm an honors member.

Can I get a higher floor? I'm a member. Come on. This is against Fozeel Nuralizoda. Nuralizoda. Okay. Fozeel. This is a fucking terrible for the knee.

Fozeel. F-O-Z-I-L. Fazil. One in three career record this guy has. This is his last fight. Hermes wins by a TKO when the doctor stops it at 318 of round one. He had to come in and be like, this man is medically in trouble. Never mind that he's losing battle.

Call an ambulance. He's medically not allowed to go on. Never mind that he's losing battle. Call an ambulance. He's medically not allowed to go on. Finally, March 17th, 2018, which is fucking so recently. He's still fighting this fucking guy. Right now, today, you can go to Spain, apparently, because this was in AFL 14 outbreak. Outbreak of pedophiles, apparently.

In the Canary Islands in Spain, which is like a fucking first-world country. They should not be allowing this pedophile in there to do anything, versus Lionel Padilla Suarez. Are your children not fucking sacred to you? Spain. Unbelievable. Spain. We love the beach.

We hate children. Come for the paella. Stay for the diddling. What the fuck is happening in Spain? I've heard it's lovely. Beautiful beaches. The paella just melts in Spain? I've heard it's lovely. Beautiful beaches. The paella just melts in your mouth. Oh, the cuisine.

The tapas. Oh, the tapas. Oh, and we'll touch your kids. Yeah. Come on to Spain. In Hawaii, you get a lei around your neck. In Spain, you're gifted a child. You're gifted a child.

Would you like to fuck this? They take yours. We're going to take your child for a while. Local custom. What the fuck? Sorry. We're going to teach him to jujitsu fight. Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket.

So he fights a five-in-one career fighter named Lionel Padilla Suarez, who's in the beginning of his career still because this was two months ago. These always seem like so far past. So whenever anything's current, it's like, this is now. Holy shit. This goes all three rounds. Jimmy, one guess. Yeah, it's over. It's unanimous decision.

Hermes loses. He's 25 and 18 total there. Then on April 20th, 2018. 420. We were in Portland. We were in Portland performing, and he was in Brazil. Like, literally, when we were on stage in Portland, this man was fighting. Jesus.

Which is insane. This is less than a month ago. This is batshit. You were told you can't smoke weed in this place, but they let a fucking... fighting jesus which is insane this was it's just less than a month ago i could this is bat shit you were told you can't smoke weed in this place but they let a fucking pile fight i should have said that i can't smoke weed in the green room yeah pedophiles are allowed to fucking fight mma in brazil man what the fuck they wouldn't have any idea imagine the manager of that place so backwards they didn't look like they knew how to run a show in there imagine if i told them that they would have been like huh like what dude we got

two separate green rooms you can't smoke weed in either either of them i guess you could touch kids in one of them if you really have a bathroom in either of them either yeah none of that sorry outside is your bathroom so uh april 20th 2018 the Warriors combat five in Brazil. He fights Roger Vieira, who's a five and four career fighter. Another five and four career fighter. Hermes wins this one by submission at three minutes and two seconds of round one with a guillotine choke. So, fuck, he's on a roll, baby. He's fighting, man.

He's on a roll. He's got a life. He's not in prison. He just won a fight. He's 26 and 18 career. Can't get enough of Hermes. Oh, Christ. I've had an ass full of him.

Well, you can go to eBay and you can buy a 2010 Leaf MMA autographed card of his. It is $1.20 plus $3.99 shipping. Or for the exact same item on Amazon, you pay 14 with 359 shipping up to you well 120 is the first bit okay which is what it'll sell for because you know nobody wants a pedophile's autograph uh sorry only one left in stock on amazon so fucking get there soon boy uh also on ebay a tops uh wec uh which is the World Extreme Championship UFC Leaf MMA printing plate it's a card like the printing plate of the card

the printing plate of the card one of one there's only one of them it's like a metal little plate it's the thing that made those other two cards 1850 plus 275 shipping I kind of want that so that we don't ever make another one then we can break it

someone if you send it we'll do something terrible to it. Oh, fuck yes. And we'll put it online. We'll put a Snapchat and we'll do an Instagram thing of us fucking this thing up. Beating it so that never made ever again. So someone buy that, please, and we'll fuck it up. So that'll be fun. 1850, 275 shipping.

That is some fucked up MMA shit. That is Hermes Franca. That's a story I've been sitting on for a while, but we have to space out the pedophiles because they're infuriating. I don't think we've had one since Buck Zumhoff. I don't think we've had one that was that infuriating just because justice wasn't served. No, that's the thing. At least Buck's in for life.

Right. Buck's done. Yeah. This shit is like, he's fighting now. He's working on his next fight god that's gross teaching kids down there he's in who knows how many kids he's fucking in brazil where it's not the you know he's free to he's free to fuck as many as he wants i don't know what the laws are i'm sure you're not allowed to fuck kids in brazil but i'm sure i don't think

it's as stringent as it is here i mean free in terms of like no bars no handcuffs i mean especially they're fucking you know they're all yeah it know, they're all, yeah, it's terrible. That's dangerous stuff. It's terrible. That's that mess of a disaster. Hermes Franco de Barros, asshole, douchebag, fuckhead. If you like that story and you want to tell us all about it, you can do that by going to iTunes. It helps so much.

Like we said, give us five stars. Just tell us you're following instructions, following directions. It doesn't really matter. Give us five stars. Just tell us you're following instructions, following directions. It doesn't really matter. If you want to help out even more and be a superstar, fabulous, amazing hero of ours like we're going to talk about in a minute and be one of our producers, you can do that very easily by going to PayPal.com and using our email address, CrimeAndSports at gmail.com. Or you can go to Patreon.com slash crime in sports.

I flipped them that time to make it a little different. I tried to make it different for us. Hey, what are you going to do? You can do all of that. For any kind of merch or anything like that, go to shutupandgivememurder.com. There's links to all the T-shirts and everything. We make a bunch of new shit every week. Every week something changes. Something different's in there.

And I think Cheer Up Bitch is on there now from Small Town Murder last week. So good. So check that out. And without further ado, we have to get to our list of producers, because these are really the most important people on here, because these are the people that keep the show going. It's not ads, I'll tell you that right now, because you guys support us way more than ads do or anything else, and you guys make everything that happens here possible.

So, Jimmy, why don't you tell us about these amazing people making all this shit possible? First, the executive producers this week, we have Laura Blakeslee. Thank you. She's a fucking saint. She's amazing. She's busy with us every week, whether it's Twitter or whatever. She's fantastic. Thank you, Laura, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you for being a part of the movement and a big part. We appreciate it. Paul Raggett's amazing. Thank you, Laura, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Thank you for being a part of the movement and a big part. We appreciate it. Paul Raggett's amazing. Thank you so much, Paul. Chrissy Ann Costaldi, Rachel Flaherty, and, of course, Cat Power up in New York. You guys, thank you so much for being such amazing people. Really, we can't do this shit if you guys weren't around.

It's the truth, and so thank you. Holly and Jalen Phoenix, Robin Sherrard, Kate Myers, Karina Sayers, Lex Furst, or Furst, F-U-E-R-S-T. That's a tough one. I'm not sure. I think it's – I wanted to say Furst. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that sounds so German and horrible.

I don't want it to be that. Are you a Nazi, sir? Thank you for the money. Are you a Nazi? How many kids have you deadled? How many? Kelly Higby, Bethany Hunt. Leave the Jews alone.

Barbara Felker. Moisha's fine. James Aselta is such a great dude. He's, I believe, an Italian guy, but he's busy with this with Twitter and Facebook. He said he's such a great dude. I think he's an Italian guy. I believe he's an Italian guy, but he's a good guy. That's what you said. But he's fine. I believe he's Italian, but he's an Italian guy, but he's a good guy. That's what you said.

But he's fine. I believe he's Italian, but he's one of the good ones. Don't worry about it. He's one of the good ones. It's alright. He says shit to you like he's one of you. So I assume that he's a... He's a guinea. He's a little guinea bastard. Yeah, I love him. Thank you, brother. Thank you, James.

Brianna Selle, Brenton Mattson, which sounds... I don't know, that sounds fucking royalty or something. Jacob Koss, Stanton Parsons. Yeah, Parsons. Dane Maricic. Maricic? Maricic. I think that's it.

I think we both said it at the same time. Jake LaBeer, Aaron M. Hammond, Sylvia Simon, Arsenic Martini Products. I'm not sure what that is, but that sounds terrible. Terrible or clever. Yeah, you don't want toini Products. I'm not sure what that is, but that sounds terrible. Terrible or clever. Yeah, you don't want to drink those. I'm not sure. Travis Bilheimer. You don't want to drink those.

Roman Murray. Jesse Hartman. Rachel Ray. I want that to be that lady from the fucking Cooking Network. I know it's not, but I want her so bad. Not to like us. He just wants her so bad. And her tiny arms.

I want her so bad. And her tiny arms. I want her so bad. So bad. Brian Lovato, who I hope is related to Demi. You just want famous women to like you. That's all he wants. I like her also. Morgan Peterson. Caroline Royal.

Or Carolyn Royal. I'm not. You call a Carolyn Caroline and she'll lose her fucking mind. Oh, yeah. I don't call her Carolyn Caroline. That's not good. mind. Oh, yeah. I want to say it both ways. That's not good. Kim Baker, Jeff Hensel, Savannah Bryant, Kristen, fuck, Suzetkowski. Yes, I fucking nailed it.

Mariela Rosas, who is fantastic. Thank you so much for everything, Mariela. Mia Martinson, Martinson? Double Martinsons? I don't know. Double Martinsons. Matea Turin? Yeah. Matea Turin? Yeah, Matea Turin.

Turin? Savannah Bryant? I think I said that. Craig Chirica. I think that's right. No, it's Sirica. No, it's Sirica. Fuck, I don't know what it is, Craig.

I don't know. Chirica. Chirica. What I'm doing. Right. Chris Tirado. Randy with no last name. Joshua Cass. Jason Fuller. Thank you so much for everything. Thanks, man. Thanks I'm doing. Right. Chris Tirado. Randy with no last name. Joshua Cass.

Jason Fuller. Thank you so much for everything. Thanks, man. Thanks for that hat, too. That was so cool. Thank you. That's an awesome guy. I really appreciate it, dude.

We love you, man. Thank you. Be safe on the roads, bro. Fucking drive careful. Diana Price. Maggie L. with no last name. Mama Gish. Under the Sea Fabrics.

I'm not sure what that is. I think she helps with sewing stuff, though. Okay. I'm assuming. I don't know I think she helps with sewing stuff, though. I'm OK. I'm assuming. I don't know. Brett Welch and Casey Heather Latchard Latch Latreedi Latreedi. That's what it is. Richard Basantes, Kevin Maness Maness.

Yes. Kevin Maness. That's a tough last name. Madison Murray, who graduated high school. I don't know if that's a fucking cause for celebration. She's still got to go through college. But Madison, go knock them dead. Change the world.

Part of the way there. Yeah. Good job. Keep going. Mackenzie Butler, Heather Goss, Rosie Goodison, David Hadnut. It's a tough one also. Lonnie Hall. Lonnie Hall and Nitch.

I choked on David's Hadnut. Don't fucking isolate that ever, ever, ever. I'll have it. I'll have that forever, Jimmy. Forever. Don't fuck up, man. Don't piss me off. All right.

On this episode, I had to say that. No shit. You're the best, Al. That's what you were saying. Leslie Woodruff, Ted Cyrus, who's been around for so long. Thank you, Ted. Cade Brown, Tim Sprague, Ashley Mason, Paul Roost. He's fucking amazing.

Mike O'Hurley, whose uncle was on fucking Seinfeld. Oh, yeah. Oh, O'Hurley's a... Yeah. Fucking, I forget the guy's name, because I didn't watch that much Seinfeld. You son of a bitch. I know. I'm an asshole.

Peterman, Jay Peterman. Oh, yeah I know. I'm an asshole. Peterman. Jay Peterman. Oh, yeah. That's his fucking uncle. Jay Peterman. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, he's the best. That guy's fucking hilarious.

Lisa Warren. Fiona Catherine. Harley Easton. Laura Blakeslee. I already said this. She's busy as fuck with us. Thank you, Laura. She donated twice this week.

She's the fucking best. Todd Crago. Laura Taylor, who's also super busy with us on Twitter. Sarah Toasty. Joanna Erica Piojo. Piojo. P- Twitter. Sarah Toasty. Joanna Erica Piojo. Piojo. P-I-O-J-O. Piojo?

Piojo. I don't know. Robert Barnes. No, Burns. Robert Burns. Emmy Dumont. Monica Coy. Jay Mitchell.

And Andrea Kalkins. You guys are so fucking great to us, and we can't say thank you enough, truly. Thank you guys, honestly, so much for that, for everything. We've said it a million times, but it remains to be just as true and more true, honestly, every damn week that goes by. Every week, you guys are cooler and cooler. You guys make the show happen. So thank you for doing that. Thank you for being our producers.

And we do appreciate every goddamn drop of it. And we've heard a couple people, they said shows that they like put like some of their old episodes like behind a paywall and all that sort of shit. And so somebody was like, I'm taking my money away from them and I'm giving it to you guys and whatever. And that's awesome. We appreciate that. But we'll never do that. We're never going to take our old episodes off and put them behind a paywall so you guys have to pay for them. It's a free fucking show.

If you want to hear it, great. If you want to throw us some money, awesome. If you don't, fucking cool too. Whatever. You're listening and that's a huge part of this to hear it, great. If you want to throw us some money, awesome. If you don't, fucking cool, too. Whatever. You're listening, and that's a huge part of this, too. Yeah, man. You download it. You do whatever the fuck you want with it. So enjoy. Knock yourself out.

Isolate Jimmy saying he's got this guy in his mouth and choking on him. Do whatever you've got to do. Choking on David's head nut. You've got to do it. So thank you so much. If you want to get a hold of us, you can do it at CrimeAndSports. CrimeAndSports at gmail.com, at Crime Crime and Sports, Twitter, Facebook, all that stuff. Fucking everywhere.

Find us. And what if they wanted to get a hold of a guy like yourself, Jimmy? How might they do that? Remind me of how David Hadnott tastes. Please. You can find me at Wisman Sucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks, on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. Thank you guys for being here. Thanks for listening.

And thanks for hanging with us. We appreciate it. Thank you guys so much. And I am at Jimmy P is funny. You can find me there or copy and paste my last name from the show description. There are videos about how it's spelled poorly. It's a terrible, terrible name to spell. So don't try that.

Just copy and paste it and keep coming back each and every week because we'll keep being here. You're damn right. Live from the Crime and Sports Studios. We will see you next week. Bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music.

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The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me.

Leave her alone. OK, so, um. Not this is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother.

That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming, you can say anything. Judy Justice, only on Freebie.

Freebie.