Crime in Sports - #126 - Straight Out Of The Bad Bin - The Two-Facedness of Olden Polynice

Episode Date: July 30, 2018

This week, we ride a roller coaster of emotions, as wee root for, then despise this man, who was born disabled, and went on to play in the NBA. Unfortunately for him, and everyone around him he was still lacking in whatever that thing is that makes you not get arrested all the time. Fortunately for us, all of this stupidity was very public, and fortunately for you, we've put the whole story together... and it's hilarious!!Be born in a third world country, don't be able to walk until you're five, then squander all of your opportunities with aggression & idiocy with Olden Polynice!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanDonate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.comGo to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!Contact us on...twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. The Queen of the Courtroom is back. How did I know that? i have crystal ball in my head new cases leave her a long so uh this is not a so this is a period classic judy it's streaming you can say anything it's an all-new season judy justice only on freebie Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports! Yay! Yay indeed and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed.

My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I am Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much from the top of the mountains for joining us this week. We're shouting it across the entire land. We appreciate it. Thank you for joining us on another incredible, death-defying edition of Crime and sports it's a wild one it's a funny one this this is one of these guys that's marginally famous so a lot of people know who he is if it's casual sports fan or whatever but again like most of our episodes it does not matter it's a crazy story that you don't expect and you root for the guy yeah it's a roller coaster of rooting for him

and then hating his guts for being such a fucking moron awesome so it's fun it's one of those i like those those are a good time i like to root for him we like to root for him for a minute anyway and then he'll do something stupid where you go you stupid son of a bitch and then he'll actually win you back you didn't have to he'll win you back and then you're like no no you're an asshole i was right the first time so anyway never mind all that. Thank you, folks, like we said. Thanks, everyone, this week for your iTunes reviews. They mean the world to us. We appreciate them greatly.

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you all the cities we are san francisco portland seattle minneapolis detroit chicago cincinnati cincinnati coming for you. Yeah, I am. I've studied this. Trust me. This is like my death march over here. Houston and Dallas. My trail of tears.

Houston, Dallas, New York, Philly, Boston, D.C., and finally Atlanta. And then also Phoenix, our home city, of course. So we're going to be there. That's our list of cities. I believe you might have one added or possibly one taken away. Who knows before it comes out. Denver also. I am sorry.

You're goddamn right, Denver. Denver also. Denver has been one of our top listener cities for so long. We've been dying to come to Denver. We're going to reward you for it. We can't wait to see you in Denver. Yes, and I am going to have a blast in Denver. That's my favorite city.

It's going to be one of mine. I'll tell you that right now i enjoy i got a lot of friends there james so i'll not be buying weed from teenagers ball back no you won't be buying it from a store like an adult or or i'll just buy it from a store a friend will just bring it to me and say give this to james that's also that's also acceptable we do accept donations you can't give us that on paypal james leave me out of this illegal wait a minute oh never mind that is legal here you go never mind all that though let's get to our crazy crazy story yeah because it's an interesting story this week it's a it's a wild story guy from different background that uh not a story that's expected in any way and it's weird because it's a story that you've seen the guy. I know you have. And you never would have thought any of this happened.

I never heard about it. It's Olden Polonese. Remember Olden Polonese? Yeah, you remember Olden Polonese. He's an ugly man. He is on every list of top whatever, top 20 ugliest athletes. He's always in the top 10. Absolutely.

He's not Otis Nixon. Great power forward. Yeah, he's not Otis Nixon ugly. Let's not get crazy here. I didn't realize he was a dick. Oh, he's, oh God, he's a nice guy and he's a dick he's such he looks so charming I swear to god he is twins really he is twin people who have done different things in the world and haven't admitted to it yet I swear to god he's two people over from birth that's a terrible name well let's uh he also had other

problems from birth as we're gonna get into here yeah he didn't start out you wouldn't have seen him as a as a child as like, a five-year-old, and went, well, that's going to be a professional basketball player there. Let's talk about him here. Olden Polonese, old OP himself, is a basketball player, NBA player, for many, many years, as we'll talk about,

through the 90s into the early 2000s, even the late 80s. Did he play for the Magic? No, he did not play for the Magic. He played for the Pittsburgh, obviously. He played for a shitload of teams. Yeah, I know he bounced around everywhere. Yeah, Sacramento,, he did not play for the Magic. He played for a shitload of teams. Yeah, I know. He bounced around everywhere. Yeah, Sacramento, the Clippers, all over the Utah.

He was everywhere. I just saw him in a Magic jersey. Maybe it's because he is so black. He is like Juergen's top fucking customer. Yeah, he is. Poor man. I believe his elbows have a touch of the ash, I would imagine. And he's got a problem controlling that. He was a very black man.

Well, he's from Haiti. He's Haitian. There you go. That makes sense. Yes, he is Port-au-Prince, Haiti he's from. I never read the back of his basketball card. No, you never did. He was never interested enough to give a fuck.

He's not a guy that you're like, man, he's dominating out there. You have to be a fan of whatever team he's playing for to really uh appreciate what olden brought to the floor he was a hustle guy a d you know he'd elbow and fight and if you were a fan of the kings if you were one of those 12 13 people that call themselves kings fans in sacramento they're sorry sacramento or a fan of the pistons after they were good after they were good you know that sort of thing of the fan of the Pistons after they were good. After they were good. You know, that sort of thing. The decline of the Piston empire. Then, yeah, then you've seen him and you have probably appreciated his game. Otherwise, you open your upper deck pack and you go, fuck, I got old and pollinies. It's not even a rookie.

Garbage. And you fling it across the room. This one's worth a nickel. Jesus, that's an ugly man. And you throw it away. I'm not keeping that. So he's born November 21st 21st 1964 they should have used flash on this car what happened jesus can't find you now he's not otis nixon ugly no let's let's not

get crazy he doesn't look like a shrunken head he doesn't look like that xavier mcdaniel ugly yeah he's uglier than that he's yeah but i mean like on that kind of yeah he's like i'd call him bill walton ugly he's that level like i feel like him and Bill Walton, if they had a beauty contest, it'd be close. It'd be a split decision, I feel like. Well, he's got that stupid afro thing, but Paul and he uses a shitload of lotions. He does. Well, Bill Walton's a goofy bastard. I'm talking not Bill Walton now.

He's like 70. Bill Walton in his playing days, just a goofy bastard. The fucking Blazers use an ugly son of a bitch. Great player and an awful commentator. Just God awful. God, I can't stand his voice. Ugly son of a bitch. Great player. Yeah. And an awful commentator. Just God awful. God, I can't stand his voice. It's because he's got to fight through that fucking mouth of his. It's his voice.

Word's got to somehow get out of that accessible trap that he's got. Jesus Christ. Well, let's talk about Alden here. Born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. He was born with physical disabilities. Get out of here. He was unable to walk until he was four. My Christ.

From disabilities. He was like Forrest Gump, basically. Really? He had leg difficulties where he was unable to walk. He was physically disabled. Credit to Haiti for having the medical ability to take care of this guy. It's incredible. Yeah, he was in Haiti while he was completely immobile.

He says that he was born with, quote, both of my feet basically turn inward wow so he was born pretty fucked up and they said he wasn't able to walk uh this doctor said that he couldn't do anything else early on and their their solution wasn't wasn't well wait there's a surgery we can do their solution was let's wait and see what happens they literally were like let's see if he outgrows it maybe he'll heal they just stood around and went yeah his feet are all fucked up well let's wait i am coffee anybody i give haiti i give haiti less credit for their medical abilities then let's see if it works let's see if it works yeah at least they didn't throw leeches on him right pack it off and try to sew it back on with some voodoo chant or something. I'm shocked when he's born with his toes touching that they weren't just like, oh, this one's clearly no good and just throw it in the bin somewhere.

Take it by the ankle and smash his head against the wall a few times and then throw it in the bad one bins. Just a bin of bad ones. Well, they look at his mom and just go, what were you going to do with it? Yeah, what were you going to do? As if it was going to help you do anything. Walk around like a duck for the rest of its life. It wasn't going to help you with shit. So he said, yeah, the doctors just said, well, I guess we'll wait a while, which doesn't

seem like the best medical advice that you usually, I don't know. It's interesting. I don't want to get cancer in Haiti, apparently. No, no. They're going to go. We're going to take a, you know what? Sometimes tumors go away on their own. Maybe that's why AIDS is so high in Haiti, because they're like maybe it'll go away they have

a real wait and see attitude with major diseases childhood childhood problems they're just like we'll check it out wait they're copying our military personnel of hurry up and wait yeah and translating that to medical shit yeah just like let's i just picture them waiting while he's just sitting there like we're gonna wait and then just crossing their arms just staring at a clock how long yeah just months go by a clock i'm giving haiti uh a lot of leeway as if they've got a clock you didn't say it was set to the right time you said it was a clock it's a bro you can get a clock somewhere twice a day what do you want from i mean we send over world series loser t-shirts and shit i'm sure they we have broken they probably swaddled them up in a fucking that's so sad sorry haiti haiti's been through

enough shit haiti is they had a and still have a huge problem with with hiv and then on top of that every goddamn hurricane that comes through fucking engulfs their entire island and knocks out their power. And they have to rebuild. And then another one comes through, knocks it out. So I feel if there's ever a place that gets to shit end of the stick, I would say it's fucking Haiti. Definitely. And they don't need us making fun of them more, but I'm sure we will. I'm sure something else will come up.

And when it does, we're going to hit it. I am blown away by this already. Olden Polonese, he's four months old already and we we found out so much about him that we never knew i never knew i would have never said i think that guy's a haitian who was born with fucked up feet wasn't he born to form i believe he was born unable to walk for several years that's not the thing he said eventually they uh they his feet were broken and reset basically what they did so they essentially yeah did the medical procedure where they broke his feet and then tried to set them right in haiti that yeah that medical personnel is just using a louisville yes it's

there a hammer he's got a ball peen hammer and he's like hold him down and he just starts fucking wailing away do it in your living room yeah that's it oh yeah in the living room in the kids room and well the kids room if they have a room it's one room in the kids room the living the living slash there we go and see we hit haiti once again so uh he said he gradually gained the use of his lower limbs uh but this was you know he wasn't he was unable to do anything for the first four or five years of his life at all. That's fucking crazy. Two years of which he had both legs in casts while they healed because he had so he couldn't do anything. He just had to sit there because he had both of his legs in big casts. Pray to Christ a tsunami doesn't come where he's going to need to swim.

You're going to see his casts floating by while he's drowned underneath. Those things are going to hold him down. That's true. They're going to get soaked and turn into cement. he's tall as shit yeah that's a good point water doesn't have to be that high he's four years old and nine feet tall already no shit uh so uh he said it was really tough he said uh he remembers it still which is interesting he still remembers that uh early time yeah he said quote it was the weirdest thing i remember my dad carrying me we couldn't

afford a wheelchair. Even at that young age, I still have images of that. My mom has pictures of it. I remember my mom used to rub oil on my legs and massage them. That was basically the therapy. So in Haiti, they wait a while and then rub some oil on it. And then that's your broken feet are going to heal and you'll be able to walk and eventually play in the NBA. And you know what? It worked. That's the fucked up. Fucking work. The fucked up part.

We can make fun of it all we want. But this man has way more money than we'll ever make. So it's we don't know if it's a snake. Do they say if it was snake oil? I'm sure it was. This is genuine. This here, some genuine, authentic Haitian snake oil. This is the good stuff.

Been blessed by a voodoo witch doctor and everything there you go it regrows legs if i cut your feet off new ones will grow that will be straighter that's how it works it's every time these will give your legs an alignment have you been to the shop lately these do that these do that he he said his fourth birthday everything changed uh he said he began to walk slowly and he progressed after that he said until his legs got stronger he says if you want me to do something just tell me i can't yeah he's one of these guys and he'll do it that's one of those guys uh yeah so someone at some point said hey don't you dare get arrested a bunch of times

and he went i will fuck up in multiple different ways wait till you see do exactly that i will spread my unhappiness throughout public private sector everywhere you want to you want to do it to have any sort of criminal career after that start is just fucking crazy it's well yeah you should be so thankful that you're a walking be walking well enough to be a professional athlete in a well-paid, seriously well-paid industry. As good as it gets for professional athletes in the NBA. I had a card that said Fleer in the corner with your fucking face on it. Why are you?

Someone put your ugly mug on a basketball card. That says that you've made it somewhere because no one wants your picture otherwise. Children weren't afraid of your picture. That's how good of a basketball player you are. Those pictures that your mom has of you as a baby has pictures of a child's broken legs and not your face. Like, that's how ugly you are. And all the mirrors are broken in the background. She'd rather have pictures of a toddler's fucking broken-ass legs than your face.

Than your face, yeah. That's how much of a monster you are. He would have been an ugly baby, I'm sure, even. Think of Otis Nixon as a baby. That's an ugly fucking baby that looks like it's 75 years old uh he's olden had giant gums and like it was just he wasn't an attractive man nothing was proportioned on his head no that that's why i say he's a bill walton like uh equivalent because i feel like they line up everything is all misshapen and missized and like it looks like somebody took like a yeah, like a

one of those fucking kid games where you stick different noses on faces and together and they lined up three wrong ones. Eyes, nose, mouth. And that's like that's wrong. That's definitely wrong. That's why he committed so many crimes because that fucking build a sketch thing would never knock his face. They couldn't. They were like

we can't figure this out. Do you see what they built? There's no fucking way. Throw it up in the air and it lands and because that fucking build a sketch thing would never knock his face out of the board. They were like, we can't figure this out at all. Do you see what they built? There's no fucking way they saw him. Then they throw it up in the air and it lands at random and they're like, there it is. That's the one. That's the guy. These mismatched things. He says that he remembers these things and that's what gives him positive thinking.

He says, quote, I never looked past it. It made me what I am. My disability didn't define me. It just actually enhanced me. They moved to the United States at the age of seven. Well, he was at seven. His parents weren't. Everybody else was older.

Everybody else was older. He's the second of five children. So he's the second oldest. And so his parents and five kids came from Haiti to the U.S. at seven. He was shy, which makes sense because he couldn't do anything. He had this. I would never place my penis inside of another woman with the opportunity of having a child. If one of my children came out with those.

Yeah. Yeah. And he had three more. Yeah. They had three more. They were like, wrong with that. Let's roll it again. This is a gambler.

We got snake eyes, baby. Let's do it. He said, come here, blow on it. We're going to try again. Out of his mind. Did you see the fuck his legs did you see his fucking feet jesus christ yeah they never you see his face and feet from top to bottom that kid's a fucking mess you can turn him upside down either way it doesn't matter it's always gonna be wrong it's like a fucking rubik's cube that you can never figure out no one of our seed is not good. It's not happening. We're not doing this.

They wanted to throw them in the bad bin. Do you know that? Do you remember that? The one with just bad ones written in pen. It said bad ones in pen fucking marker in a sharpie. Just a not even like a thick one, just a bad ones and I think ones had an apostrophe on it which it shouldn't have. So that made it even weirder but that's how much

they didn't care about these children. didn't care at all so uh these people waste a good sharpie on these bad ones no that's it they said fuck it it was running out of ink they're like it has one more right and left in it don't worry about it it's fine throw it in the bad ones ben when you're done olden polonies jesus christ olden polonies as much worth as a bad sharpie he's taking a beating already he is taking a beating already and he does some nice things too which are there you go they have equal value to us. That's just to show you that. So they said he was shy when he was little when he first moved to the U.S.,

which makes sense if you're a kid who was in Cass and couldn't do anything or play or do anything here. He has no social skills. He hasn't been around anybody. They did say that. So he's just nice. That's his social skills. He's just super nice. And his fucking name. Yeah, it so he he's just nice that's that's his social skills he's just super nice and his fucking name tries to be yeah it's probably nice multiple nights probably not nice as we'll see from this from this thing here uh they said he he adjusted well when he came to

the u.s because i mean at seven you can bounce around and bounce i moved around a lot when i was a little kid you bounce it you do it you figure it out but uh for a kid from another country had to learn english and shit like that that's brutal i spoke everywhere i moved smoke everyone spoke english so it was pretty simple point so for him it had to be hard plus he has to if you're if you're a kid like that you still think you're weird from being on the cast on your leg and not being able to do anything these kids don't know that but in your brain i would think you would still have like some sort of self-doubt well i went when i went to school the first day of school i went with the giant cast on my arm from on your arm yeah and uh it it was kids treated me different like like i was like because it wasn't a broken arm cast it was like the whole thing yeah that sucks from shoulder to top if you

just had the elbow to wrist and it's everyone's like cool what happened you fall off a dirt bike awesome and they want to sign it like you did something cool to get that it's not sad it's funny that with kids like you want to hear the story with adults the story is never as funny yeah they had a tumor removed or some shit it's a different never as funny as seeing a grown adult in a cast no that's fucking hysterical yeah when you see an adult it's always a sad story though it's always either sad like get like some sort of cancer treatment, or it's pathetic. Right. Like I jumped on a trampoline, and I'm 43.

What were you doing? Well, I tried to do a layup in my driveway, and my leg snapped in half when I came down. That's what happened. No, not even playing wasn't against anybody. No, it was just me. Just me. I was done working on the car, and I was like, oh, look, the kid's left the ball out. I'm going to make a layup. Fuck. 9-1-1. Next thing you know. Somebody call an I was done working on the car, and I was like, oh, look, the kids left the ball out.

I'm going to make a layup. Fuck. 9-1-1. Next thing I know. Somebody call an ambulance. 9-1-1, please. Somebody carry me off my driveway. His parents were super strict. Very, very, very strict parents.

He was not allowed to do shit. He went from school until home, and he was to study until bedtime. They would give him shit to study if he ran't have, if he ran out of homework. So, I mean, he was like you, that's it, from three to nine, he was studying, staying home, not allowed to run the streets, not allowed to do anything. Which is good because they lived, I can't tell where because they always say he's from Harlem. But he's also, he goes to school in the South Bronx. The way Harlem works, the way Manhattan works, it runs into the South Bronx there. There's a little river, you know, so you see it.

But you're there very close together. So I don't know if they move back and forth across or whatever. But I mean, culture shock form to going from fucking Haiti, Haiti to New York City, New York. Luckily, if you're going to actually back then, even if you're living in Harlem, that'm sure there was more a Haitian population, but Spanish Harlem then was still half Italian. The Italians originally had Spanish Harlem. That makes sense. Every shithole place, we came first, and then everybody else came after, and then they can dig their way out. There's pizza down there. Let's go.

It's a little different now but uh yeah you know but still they uh it was the shit area but i don't know if uh i'm not sure if there was a lot of if there was a haitian population in the in 1971 as much as a as big of a one or if it was just you know just black guys who were like you talk funny motherfuckers i don't know i'm not sure how you never mind he's like i'm gonna say something terrible and move out of it's gonna be an accident and then i would have sounded like a complete dick yeah that's good good so anyway he didn't complain about his parents discipline he didn't know any better so he didn't know like in america kids cut up and shit like he was just like that's what everybody does they go home and study all night which obviously wasn't happening he wasn't didn't really socialize didn't know, like, in America, kids cut up and shit. Like, he was just like, that's what everybody does. They go home and study all night, which obviously

wasn't happening. He didn't really socialize, didn't hang around the playgrounds. He wasn't a kid who was playing basketball around the playgrounds all the time. He eventually went to All Hallows High, which is in the South Bronx. Apparently, it's an all-boys Catholic school, which is

pretty close to Yankee Stadium in the South Bronx, which I can tell you is not a nice neighborhood. And in the 70s was even fucking worse. And, you know, 1979, 80, that was like the peak of badness. It was terrible. You almost rather be in Haiti. Yeah. No, I remember going to Yankee games in the 80s as a kid.

And it was like, dude, those neighborhoods, if the garage was full and you had to park like just in the fucking South Bronx down the street somewhere. That was frightening at midnight. It seriously was. It was like it was worse than the wire. Like it made Baltimore on the wire look wonderful. You're like, where's Omar? He seems charming with that shotgun because everyone else here is scary as fuck.

And now that I've written like I understand creepy people because I mean, just in Phoenix alone, there's weird people here. But when you think about crazy in your town. Oh, this was just crack times, 80s South Bronx. So everyone at midnight was just, it was all crackheads and junkies. That's all it was. New York is so big and has so many people. The craziest person in your town, multiply that by 100, and that's the average person in New York. That's just your average crazy.

Not your average person, but your average crazy guy. Your average walking down the street raving, ranting and raving that you, you know, boy. Carrying a newspaper and his dick's poked through it. It's fucking bananas. And he's going, say hi. Right. Everybody say hi. The sun's coming out. The sun's coming out. People are like, oh God. Don't look at it. It's fucking weird. Susie, cover

your eyes. So, yeah. His mother is a housekeeper and his father's a taxi driver okay so that's uh they're they're working hard they brought five kids from a from a country to here and and that's that's hard work that's how they're gonna survive that's how they're in new york city in the 70s and that's rough man uh he's he was six foot four when he went to high school wow but he still never played basketball never picked up up a basketball. Knew nothing about it. Didn't know shit.

All the other kids who were 14 years old were like, holy shit, you're humongous. Do you want to play basketball? Will you be on my team? And he's like, I don't know how to play basketball, which is super weird. Basketball requires legs. Let me tell you about how fragile mine are. I had an operation in Haiti that required a true value product that's it that was all it is these legs are not in a pos and a

possible destination of a bin right so I'm I've lived through a lot already I don't know about this chance the opportunity of coming down from a rebound and my legs exploded me walking around on nubs because when he's grown up he's 611 so I go from 611 to about 510 pretty quick he's walking around on nubs. Right. Because when he's grown up, he's 6'11". Jesus Christ. So he can go from 6'11 to about 5'10 pretty quick when he's walking around on leg stumps. In one jump.

Yeah, because he didn't need the cast then. I wonder if his dad can still carry him around. I doubt it. Hopefully he'd be able to afford a wheelchair by now. Right. So they tried. They basically were like, you should play basketball. Here's a basketball.

Come play basketball. That was it. And the coaches saw him and they were like, fuck should play basketball. Here's a basketball. Come play basketball. That was it. And the coaches saw him, and they were like, fuck, yeah. We need you. This kid needs to make him figure out how to play basketball because he's goddamn big, and he's still growing. And he's fucking terrifying looking. And look at him.

Yeah, he's just going to frighten everybody down low. He's going to get all the rebounds. Every one of them. People are going to go, ah, it's going to be like Teen Wolf. Somebody else will come down with the ball and give it to him that's it here you go sir i got this for you that's it that's it man uh he initially when he was a child when he moved there his parents instilled in him and he wanted to be a lawyer that's what he always wanted to be i wanted to be a lawyer to them that was an important person a professional person they dressed up in a suit and drove a nice car it's gonna be an office it is but yeah oh big you are made baby maybe that's

why he decided against it i would for sure no definitely but the coach here a guy named john carrey uh he's got several silver-haired middle-aged white men in this story uh john carrey being his first silver-haired middle-aged white man. Didn't do anything bad or anything, but this Kerry, you know, got him on the basketball team and wanted to, you know, help bring him along and help nurture his abilities and shit like that.

And once he did, Olden loved basketball. Because he was probably, it was kind of easy for him. He was bigger than the other kids. And he wasn't really good at it at first, but he tried and he played. He's the coach's favorite person because they fucking need him he's a project too and they like a project like that like oh look at him come along because other kids they come along over time a kid who's never picked up a basketball before their their progression is fast it's leaps and bounds it's gonna be like if you see a kid you

know once every three months you're gonna be like holy shit see a kid, you know, once every three months, you're going to be like, holy shit, that kid grows fast. It's like, no, he grows normal. You just don't see him all the time. It's condensed. He's a cookie cutter of like what they need. It's almost as if if if there was a cookie cutter that was just cranking out high school shapes for centers. Yeah, he's it. He's it. And also he's he's also known as a nice kid and he's very coachable and and he'll do a test of him, and he's just happy to be doing this.

Because he's from fucking Haiti. Yeah, he's thrilled to be walking and not in Haiti. So he's like, I'm walking on the ground in the United States. I'm up to already. I made it. So this is three here. This is gold. This is all just gravy.

So he ended up playing. He said that the only job he ever had before outside of basketball later on was in high school he had a job working at mcdonald's for for a little while and he said he quit after a week which is understandable because it's mcdonald's it's fucking horrible punching over a fryer doesn't seem like a good job for a giant person yeah that sounds terrible i'm surprised they didn't have him just pushing up the the false ceiling and cleaning up there because this was when he was like 60 and so he was probably six foot eight by then who the hell wants to do just push up the acoustics yeah just get there's

gonna be tons of shit in there there's gonna be needles nobody's ever been able to reach that we need your help just just crack heads and chairs that's it none of us have cared and looking up to order from that fucking guy yeah i'm sure he got horrified looks with his face and how tall he is yeah like jesus you're making my cheeseburger never mind holy fuck his his parents didn't like basketball at first they were like no no no but which is funny that they didn't want him to even participate in an extracurricular activity that's like school based around the school you would think that they would be all into that because it's but they said nope that's time away from studying but once the coach talked to him he learned that you can get college scholarships from playing

basketball and the coach said hey you're a big kid you never know and then the parents allowed him to play based on the fact that this might is another avenue he put it like well there's school and then there's that like i have i have two prongs of being able to get into college then. And they said, good enough. They just wanted him to go to college. He said, quote, I learned how to play basketball in a few months. From the day I touched a basketball to the NBA, it was seven years. That's unheard of.

That's unbelievable. That's pretty amazing. I think Hakeem Olajuwon had a similar path because he was a soccer goalie. Yeah, but he was also the Arab there prote him a basketball protege he really was so far away from here he's well also bullshit yeah that's true plus he was such a fucking elijah's a special kind of athlete he's a different kind of guy like i've never seen a man that tall and lanky be that smooth and silky and like control of everything skinny and still so athletic. And strong and in control of his body. Like he was so lanky and wiry,

but everything was in total control. And creative. Oh God, he was so cool. He had a hook like nobody. Oh, he'd do that pivot underneath and just go underneath you and come up under. He was so good. Looking at the basket, not even his hand.

His hand is like four feet above his fucking head because he was so long. Olajuwon was so nasty. So good. He'll have a run-in with elijah he was a three-point shooter too elijah that was not good not well he shouldn't have been trying but he could and that's fucking ridiculous luckily he wasn't like it was him and manute bull for some reason felt the need to every once in a while throw up this weird awkward shot from out there

just a question if he's gonna do it at least elijah ones look like a basketball shot manute bulls was like what the fuck what is that it looked like he just like they picked a guy out of the crowd and he goes i never played basketball before and they said that's okay throw it that way and he goes okay and he just tossed it up it's like the guy that gets that half court uh halftime shot for the car yeah that's what it is that's what manu bull looked like except they'd sign him up because he was seven and they". And they put a jersey on that fucking guy. Yeah, let's do it. So in his first two high school seasons, he scored a total of 18 points.

That makes sense. So yeah, which makes perfect sense. These are kids that have been playing since they're 5, most of them probably. They're going to school you and make you feel bad about yourself, I would assume. Talk a bunch of shit. Plus, this is in New York City in the 80s. He's playing in New York City in the late 70s. That's some shit-talking times right there.

But he probably is the board and block guy back then. He is. He's the heart guy. He's the go-get-that-board, die-for-that-ball, just D that guy up. D him up, and he's all effort. He'll do anything. He never runs out of energy, Polonise. He's one of these guys, a huge guy that never runs out of energy. He says that he placed an equal emphasis on academics and basketball.

And that's what his coach also said. Carrie, he said, quote, I think he was only absent for two or three days his whole time here. No teachers ever came to me because he was having giving them trouble. So just no problem there at all. He had a B-plus average by his junior year and was starting to become a good basketball player. In his last two seasons there, he scored 1,053 points total, which is great.

That's really good for two seasons of a high school bat. 1,000 points in high school? 1,000 points in two years. That's amazing. The two two years that's amazing the first two years he did nothing and then junior year comes out and just does it explodes yeah he just figured it out or came into his body he learned basketball yeah and i think you come into your body when you're a teenager too when you're getting taller all of a sudden you figure out right you know how to get control of your legs probably the first two years it was really

awkward to run with all that pubic hair down oh just a giant third year he's like oh this isn't so he goes i can do it once well once he got taller you know it's physics spread out of it it's physics so the weight of it's a bunch of hair mushed together and then it's heavy yeah you spread it out that's how it works it's all physics jimmy jesus christ it's the physics of pubes you didn't know that and that's uh that's one of the things you learn on crime and sports that you're going to learn on no other podcast is the physics of pukes. That's never been discussed before, I don't believe. And a large black man getting used to the size of his junk.

That's all. He's got to get used to it, man. He's got to get used to it. All right. So he tried to just use it as a belt the first couple of years, and he said that wasn't working. So he said, never mind. So he ended up being the All Hallows team captain and MVP as a senior. Wow.

So he went from, I don't know, what's this bouncy thing that's round to four years later being the best basketball player they have. He was named one of five athletes for better education slash New York Knickerbocker scholar athletes. I love that. That's smart, good athletes. He had, according to their, the Athletes for Better Education thing, quote, he had an 88-plus average and turned into a good player when we cited him. But I'll tell you, I was more confident about him hacking it as a student at Virginia than I was about his basketball.

All right. That is because he agrees to go to Virginia to play basketball in college. basketball all right that is because he agrees to go to virginia to play basketball in college but they said they were uh they were more confident about him being more confident about him being a good student than even a basketball player that's what a good kid he is he wanted to be a lawyer they wanted to be a lawyer and his parents will kick his goddamn ass if he blows the opportunity to get a scott to get a degree from this whole thing although your shins they have other shit to kick his ass for later on. So he's 16 there. He was playing for a summer league team in New York City known as Riverside Church.

Kenny Smith was on that team, the ex-Houston Rocket current. I think he's still a broadcaster for TNT or some shit like that. Yeah, also a guy he went to ended up going to Georgia Tech that he played against. At that time, he was 16. He was 6'8", and he was a center. And they said he was a little soft, though. He had no killer instinct yet. They said he got dunked on a lot.

He got elbowed in the face. People pushed him around. Wow. People pushed him around. That's how he played. Dunked on a 6'8", too. Yeah, you had to. If he's not going to be aggressive, if you're going to back him down,

then he'll do it. So they labeled him, quote, the gentle giant on that team, which is not what not going to be aggressive if you're going to back him down if you know then he'll do it so they they labeled him quote the gentle giant on that team which is not what you want to be as a center so he has to toughen up a little bit which is so funny because he ends up being the complete opposite of that a guy that's like you know first of all you can't hurt his face no with an elbow no so he'll elbow you right back after a while to lose oh no yeah he's got nothing to lose that's not a face to elbow. Literally, it's like elbowing an Easter Island statue covered in silly putty. It's like, what's the fucking difference? He's just going to smooth it right out.

It's fine. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. what was in Al Capone's vault or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you

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each week on Podcast One. And also, remember to rate and review. And now back to the show. 83-84 season is when he first goes to college. It's his freshman year at Virginia. He's studying English while he's there as his major. call which is a good call if you don't that's not your first language he actually has to yeah also too he has aspirations of writing later on we'll talk about and shit like that so he's interested in english he he arrives right after ralph he arrives

the year ralph sampson left. So Ralph Sampson just left who was the number one pick in the 83 NBA draft. And then he comes in the next year to be his replacement, which is tough. He's the replacement

of the greatest player we've ever had. And now, now what are you going to do? Not that. Your turn. Yeah, no thanks. Remember how we used

to have the best player? Now you're going to be the best player. I tell you, I didn't walk till I was four. Did I do used to have the best player? Now you're going to be the best player. Did I tell you I didn't walk until I was four? Did I tell you anything about that? Because that could be a factor. No matter how I do here, always rested on the fact that I was almost in the bad ones. Almost in.

I mean, that fuck dude. They literally were like, nah. They had me by an ankle. They had me by an ankle next to the hard wall. They threw me towards it, but a nurse caught me. That's what happened. She was like, no, this one's not terrible. We can fix it.

We'll break his feet and fix him. The nurse grabbed me in midair and said, let's wait a minute. He's too ugly. He's too ugly for the bad bin. He'll give a bad name to it. Is there a worse bin? We need that one. Is there a bin that has a tarp that goes over it?

Because this bin is open on top. We can see it. No one wants to see it. There's a Sharpie in here. Yeah, let's, is there like a bin, like a mail thing where we put it in and close it and then we can't see it if we open it again? It's just a block. The baby disappears.

It disappears down in there. And it's a federal offense if you stick your arm in. So this team, this Virginia team had Rick Carlisle. Okay. And this player goes on to be Tim Mullen. I don't know if that's Chris Mullen's relation or not. That rings a bell, though. I didn't know who that is.

I mean, Chris Mullen's a great player, we know, and he played for St. John's and is from New York City. I don't know if he had a brother that played, though, at this time or not. And also a guy, I just love his name. His name's Othell. Othell Wilson. You bet. That's tough.

They forgot the O on the end of it. It's Othell. Othell Wilson. You bet. That's tough. They forgot the O on the end of it. It's Othello minus the O. Right. So his freshman year, he doesn't play a whole lot in his freshman year. I mean, minutes-wise. They play him more than you'd think, but he doesn't have the impact you might think. He's just kind of there. He plays in 33 games, 25 games started, has 26.2 minutes a game.

So that's a lot that's not bad uh but he only has 7.7 points per game 5.6 rebounds uh even blocks is only half a block a game really so for a center he's still kind of soft and quiet and easygoing and passive but he's starting but he's starting and he's supposed to be replacing ralph samp. Right. And he's coming out of high school where it's an entirely different thing. Oh, yeah. The difference between high school and college is the difference between college and fucking NBA. And especially then. Right. Now it's a little different because the good players are only there for a year.

And then everybody else is going to sell car insurance at some point later on in the future. But, yeah, they're going to sell uh some fucking blinds or some shit the rest of the people are there uh to bide their time between and bridge the gap between them being in school and then them calling you and saying that uh you owe the irs money that's exactly right so that's that's pretty much what it is otherwise it's a then though these teams were stocked with future nba players because everybody everybody played at least three years if not four right so it was these teams were stocked i mean you look at like these this houston team from this era even the virginia team the north carolina team that worthy and jordan and all these guys like that doesn't exist anymore you get one decent

player on a team and then he's gone and then maybe another one comes if you're lucky if you're like duke or kentucky or something college that ring meant so much to these kids that national championship like even no plus there was rules about how long you had to stay at college and shit like that yeah they had all four too didn't yeah he did a lot of the guys did a lot of the guys did yeah yeah fuck i used to love five when i was like four i used to watch those games north carolina was rad i thought it was great all those all that those games. Georgetown versus North Carolina was rad. I thought it was great. All those games were all awesome because Houston was huge. They had Lajuan and they were awesome. And it's because they would be able to develop a fucking player.

Oh, yeah. For four years. I can't imagine being somebody in charge of a college program now with the one and done shit. The last guy who did the whole four years came into the NBA ready to be a star. That was Tim Duncan. And that was 20 fucking years ago. That's great. He's retired already.

Tim Duncan played for Wake Forest. I remember junior year, they were like, oh, he's coming out, right? And they were shocked. He stayed. And he ended up still being the number one draft pick. And he was ready for the NBA when he came in. He was 22. His body was ready for the NBA. I never fucked up He was 22. His body was ready for the NBA.

I never fucked up that jerk. No, he's a pretty straight, clean cuck. He's not going to be on this show more than once. I would love it if Tim Duncan out of nowhere... Just murdered his wife. Not only his wife. I want him to have a dinner party and end up killing all of them like Vlad the Impaler.

There's just 14 dinner guests on stakes in his front yard when the police pull up and he's just sitting there he's just sitting there eating the remains of the barbecue they made just like munching on shit how you doing and he calls coach pop to sort it out instead yeah wearing his dog's head as a hat right like a yarmulke and he's petting it when they come in howdy want a burger they're hot still right so uh you know nobody else ate you guys you're here just in time there's so much left over so uh virginia that year 21 and 12 uh which is good enough to go to the tournament and you wouldn't think they were it would be a big deal're a No. 7 seed even in the tournament, so not a big deal. But they win in the first round versus Iona, No. 10 seed. They win 58-57.

So a squeaker, it doesn't matter. That's why. They beat No. 2 seed Arkansas in the next round, 53-51. So he is right. Then they beat No. 3 seed Syracuse. So they're not even beating people who made upsets. They're beating all the top seeds. They are the upsetters.

Yeah, they're 63-55. Then they end up beating Indiana in their heyday with, you know, Bobby Knight and everything like that. 50-48. My Christ. Yeah. And going all the way to the final four. And in the final four, they lose to Houston, which was which was akim elijahwan and all those guys who eventually they lose 49 47 too they didn't even get blown out that's a 49 47 does anyone shoot

a fucking basket jesus christ man i get good defense but for the love of fucking god 49 for that's all like a girl's that's girls high school basketball that's not that's not seven foot tall men in a you know that are going to be paid for it next year. And you've got four years to develop these fuckers to score. Get them to score god damn it. And these are the best there is which is crazy. I do like watching the final four and the March Madness.

Watching those balls bounce out when they're in the NBA. Those shits go in every time. If you leave a guy any space at all he's nailing every fucking jumper. Watching them miss. It's fucking hysterical, right? Wide open playing, and they all run for it.

It's exciting, but it's also like watching a game at the park. It's the same type of thing. It's hilarious. It's like a good rec league game. That's what it's like. Like a good one where it's got old men who used to play college ball, playing against each other. Those are better games than most college basketball games now.

And I would take those old men over those guys. They should be drafted first. Half court, though, not full court. They'll drop dead. Fuck that. Well, actually, they might win just because the other guys won't want to put their elbows, they won't want to post up against that sweaty, hairy, that cold sweat that's on their hair. They don't want that in their business.

There is an NBA player that has like an eagle's worth of chest hair. It's the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. I don't know. And I wouldn't want to post that. No, that's the thing. No one does in the NBA strategy. Right. Where you've got to fucking show your shoulders.

Bro, wax that shit. You look disgusting. Anthony Davis walking around with his eyebrows connected. They're not concerned. Some of the they're like, I'm rich, motherfucker. Don't care what i look like fuck all of you listen i'm not how many eyebrows you got two let me tell you about how many houses i have how many lamborghinis i have more lamborghinis and you have eyebrows yeah

boom i got more wives than you got eyebrows and they're happy and they're all happy and it's it's all okay and they're fine so he ends up like we, like we said, Houston wins. Georgetown eventually beats them. Georgetown with Patrick Ewing and all that becomes national champs. He said he began believing what he read about himself at this point because he started thinking he was great. He comes in. He's a freshman in college. No, not about his feet or his dick. Or his face.

Or his face. He's a freshman in college, so he thinks he's hot shit. He comes right in. They go all the way to the final four. Everybody in the whole country knows who he is. All of a sudden, he's like, holy shit, this is great.

I'm a hero. Yeah, he said, well, let's do an in their own words on him here on how this is affecting him. We'll do in their own words, quote, when they started putting me on that pedestal, it felt good, but I didn't know how to accept it.

It changed me. I started getting conceited. I felt conceited and arrogant, and I knew it wasn't right. I was doing things and seeing things of myself that I didn't like in other people. He got himself an ego. He got himself an ego quick. He never had an ego. He was always the most humble. He's from

fucking Haiti. Multiple nice, James. His parents had to carry him around because they couldn't afford a wheelchair. That makes Forrest Gump look like he's living in the lap of luxury and his mom's not fucking people to help him. To get him into a school. To get him into a school. Tell you what, Sally Field, he ain't fucking worth it right now. Forrest Gump wasn't worth it.

That school or not, he's still going to do the same shit he fucking did. He's going to run around and go, I like to run. It's the same fucking thing. And also, the principal of that school, aim higher. Find a hotter wife. Yeah, that's the other one. A hotter mom. Well, not only that.

Sally Field? Ew. Yeah, Sally Field had a thing that a lot of people were into, though. Yuck. Sex was. Sally Field, people liked her in the 70s. She was considered very hot in the 70s. There was a lot of chicks in the 70s that were hot.

You're going to get Sally Field blowback. I'm telling you right now. I swear to God, god you're gonna get some field blowback out of that but she's she wasn't a person that oozed sexuality i'll say that about it's not about her attractiveness it's about she she does not have uh you don't look at her and you go i'm gonna fuck that like that's nobody thinks that about jenniferanta fe yeah yeah yeah that's oh no well jennifer garney you think hello sir right oh yeah okay never mind moving on we've been dicks so let's let's just move on about that sorry sorry jennifer garner i know jennifer garner is an avid listener she never misses an episode yeah i'm just saying fucking ben affleck was right. That's all. Jesus Christ.

We are being dicks to women. He was wrong at one point, though. Jesus Christ, why? There's a scene in Nevermind. I'm not going to get into it. I'm not going to get into it. I saw PS I Love You. Oh, Jesus. Fuck.

We did that on PS I Hate This Movie. It's just. I want to kill everyone involved in that movie. It's just the most unbelievable story of all time. Gerard Butler is not trying to fuck her. It's never happening. I'm currently hunting Hilary Sw involved in that movie. It's just the most unbelievable story of all time. Gerard Butler is not trying to fuck her. It's never happening. I'm currently hunting Hilary Swank for that movie. If anyone sees her, let me know.

Is that Hilary Swank that's in that? That's the one where Gerard Butler's an Irish douchebag. Right, and he dies and then writes about it? Yeah, that's Hilary Swank with her fucking crying face the whole goddamn time. And she was Million Dollar Baby, right? Yeah, she's Million Dollar Baby. That's another one that's like, nobody's trying to fuck her. Good actress, but get the fuck out of here.

That movie is terrible. I can't stand it. I had to watch it and take notes on it, and I hated every second of it, but we had a good time with it. I don't know why Jennifer Garner and Hilary Swank both have careers. One of them is fine.

We don't need both of them. They're the same person? Yeah. You could have filled either one of them in for either movie that they were in, and nobody would have noticed. Same shit. They're like Martin Mull and the other one. They're the same person. Yeah. You could have filled either one of them in for either movie that they were in and nobody would have noticed. Yeah. They're like, they're like, uh, Martin Mull and the other one.

They're the same guy. The fucking, the same actor, like all through the eighties. It's like, just give him all your parts and you go home. No need. Cause you're the same person. We got your lines the same way. You know, you're similar looking, same type. You know, you can cat.

You're both brought in for the same part all the time. One of you go home.'re gary bucey and the dude from fucking 48 hours nick nolte and gary bucey yeah yeah that's the same thing nick nolte is gary bucey's less brain damage crazy right less brain less brain damage let's be you know here we go 84 85 season he comes back he's feeling all good about himself november rolls around started the basketball season he's one of the big men on campus people think he's hot shit he thinks he's hot shit he thinks his feet are straight as fuck yeah he's feeling good about himself uh was he pigeon-toed i i don't know what we don't know what condition he had they didn't i wonder if there was any like i couldn't get the haitian medical records from 1965, but if I find them, I will give you guys an update on them. I wonder if there's any residual disalignment happening.

He didn't even know what the hell. They broke them and reset them. I mean, I guess that's something. Who the hell knows what happened. I can't get beyond it. That's all. No. Well, he's accused in November 1984.

Well, everything is going great. He's accused of cheating on a paper. He's accused of turning in another student's work for a paper. He's accused of cheating on a paper. He's accused of turning in another student's work. Oh, that's no good. For a paper. He's accused of plagiarism. It's a big deal. He could get kicked out of school.

He could get suspended. All sorts. He could lose a scholarship. He could get kicked off the basketball team. He has a trial for this. There's a huge student council trial. It's nuts. There's this whole article from back then, from from 1984 and it starts off at 8 a.m

he appeared to defend himself at a secret trial before a jury of 12 uva students like what the fuck he was charged with having plagiarized a paper thus violating the university's 142 year old honor code if found guilty he would be expelled so i mean that's what we're talking about here some girl was gangbanged in her fraternity house two nights completely against her will and no one she was passed out woke up said what happened and no one cared but this let's all have no idea how serious we're gonna jesus fucking christ yeah never mind yeah yeah fuck everyone who's being uh date raped on campus we'll we'll ignore that for another i I don't know, 30 years or so. There's a lot of plagiarism happening. Fuck.

Ridiculous. 30 years. Still. Yeah. Today. Today. Tomorrow. Still fucking ignored.

I know. My daughter is going to college in two years, and I'm like, fix this shit. Fix it. So we're going to have to build another studio in some other town, wherever she goes. Wherever she goes. Because that's where we're going to need to follow her around. I'm going to need to kill people. And now we have people. I could have a whole hit follow her around. I'm going to need to kill people. And now we have people.

I could have a whole hit squad out there. I could send my minions and people out and go listen, everybody. It'll be like the Warriors. They'll be on the radio going, hey, everybody. I'll tell you where the smooth cat's at tonight. The tiny Petra Gallo out there somewhere. The tiny Petra Gallo out there. I want you all

to keep a good eye on her. Keep an eye on that fake quack of a jack she's with. It's the Warriors. I'm on board. They're on board. I like it. You got to do it. Fake.

Quack of a jack. What's going on out there? Ridiculous. That'd be a good how is it you've come to arrive here, the Warriors DJ. How is it you've come to arrive here? Hey, I see you walking all around the city. You're going to have to write a rhyme every week. Oh, Jesus Christesus christ that's brutal it's bad enough i'm dreading my next next appearance of paul calhoun i gotta have a song ready i'm like fuck i've written him three songs

already it's enough you gotta be a fucking midnight dj rapper it's bad enough i have to come up with the music for them i gotta write songs for them to sing too i'm like jesus christ these people are killing me. So he appears. He defends himself. There's 20 hours of testimony and deliberation. Over a plagiarized paper. 20 fucking hours. What did you plagiarize it off of?

Compare the two next to it. Does that take 20 hours? How many pages is this paper? Compare each word. One word, one word, second word, second word, and go on. It's nuts, man. He ends up, after 20 hours, he is found innocent. Wow.

Even though he admits to doing it. Okay. Yes. He admits to doing it, and they still acquitted him. What happened? He goes around, shakes hands with all the tribunal of jurors there, and all the records end up, this is the weird thing, too. This is a student tribunal. All all the records are burned afterwards wow so this is one of the

students on the on the on the one of the jurors on the basis of of complete you know anonymity told this to a reporter actually what happened here which is fucking nuts uh yeah he goes in there this is they won that night virginia uh won at virginia military academy that night and then he went in for the trial uh that's so weird what a bizarre trial it's and people obviously assumed he got special treatment because he's a basketball player i see it happening like an eyes wide shut party like everybody's yeah yeah yeah that would be perfect yeah eating weird snacks and have no shirts on and then they like religiously burn the paperwork all together there's like 67 year old white and have no shirts on. And then they, like, religiously burn the paperwork all together.

There's, like, 67-year-old white dudes with no shirts on who haven't fucking seen the sun in 26 years. And then at the end of the trial, when they burn all the shit, they all take their masks off and throw it on the paper. And then fuck each other. And they go, oh, you were here, too? Hey, well, I'll fuck your face. Perfect.

Let me taste that. Yeah, I love it. Some wealthy alumni threatened to suspend their contributions because polonise had been let off the hook uh but uh yeah he was he was pissed off they ended up later on the juror that talked about this said pretty much they thought that they weighed it and they thought it was more detrimental to the university to kick this kid off for this because he was such a good basketball player they was such a good player player. He was such a good player. They thought that brought a feeling of unity to the school to have a good basketball team as evidenced by last year

when we went to the Final Four. And that's more. So it would be worse for the school to kick him out for doing this than it would be to keep him is what the kids decided. Like every other kid that fucks up in college. They had seven. Out of the 12 kids, they had seven kids who really like basketball and they were like i'm not fucking vote no fuck he's innocent he's god damn it innocent uh so he he uh

goes the to the virginia military institute that night uh that this happened and the cadets uh stirred everybody turned their backs on him and the opposing team when he came out colleges like to fuck with people who get in trouble. Yeah, everybody knows what happens. It all gets around. Two days later at William & Mary, students waved term papers at him. They all had papers, and they were waving them at him, saying, oh, here, take this paper. He didn't score from the field that night.

Wow. So it gets in his head. Yeah. And Virginia lost by a point. They could have used his help. At least one bucket, you dick. That was the thing. He Virginia lost by a point. They could have used his help. At least one bucket. You did. That was the thing.

He was just, you know, out of it. So he was going to Duke next. And that's not what you want. They were chanting at him. Also, they had a chant. White people are the worst. Yeah. Especially the Duke twats.

There are some uppity motherfuckers. They're assholes. Rich white. All their parents are doctors. They're not even like Rich white kids. All their parents are doctors and shit. They're not even like... They're a taunted dude from Haiti. They're not even like, you know, my dad started some fucking textile fucking thing and built it up. These people are like, yeah, my father was a doctor.

My father's father was a doctor. We all are Duke University alumni, and we're going to chant at some poor kid from Haiti with deformed feet, even though we have everything. One of them's last name is still morris like the fucking cigarette and they refuse to fucking get married and change that nope fuck it uh they they chanted he didn't show up for the game actually he didn't play this game they chanted where's olden at the copy machine because he's copying so they were picking on him where's olden and then the other side would chant at the copy machine wow he's that's he can't make it he's got copying to do here uh so uh he he they they told him the coaches told him to turn the paper and they didn't know

he plagiarized it but it was it was for extra credit to get a better grade and whatever and he said they said yeah you should turn this paper and then he said great they didn't realize that he cheated uh so anyway he says about the whole thing, quote, people thought I was acquitted because of basketball. That's wrong. I got all this because I was a basketball player. If I was a normal student, it probably wouldn't have happened. I hated people at Virginia after that.

From then on, I was just spitting, spiting everyone. I wanted to leave. Yeah. So after that, he was all pissed off because he plagiarized something and got caught for it. Right. But he's saying, I, people, he's saying it would have been a basketball. It would got caught for it. Right. But he's saying, people are saying this because I'm a basketball player. It would have flown under the radar.

No, that's not true. It's because I play basketball, you see. Which he's probably right, too. Which is the same fucking thing. It would have flown under the radar, probably, if he was just some normal kid. They wouldn't have caught it. They probably look a little extra hard because normal kids don't have NCAA people looking over all their schoolwork.

He's saying, I didn't get off because I'm playing basketball. I got caught. I got caught, exactly. He said, I'm in this in the first place because of basketball. But also, that helped you because you played basketball. It was a problem that was built and solved by basketball. So it doesn't really matter. We're both right, Olden.

It's a wash. Basketball's good. Let's just say that. Thumbs up, basketball. Yay. Jesus Christ. So that season, he plays in 32 games, starts 29 of them, plays 34.2 minutes a game, 13 points a game, which is way up from 7.7, 7.6 rebounds.

That's two more than last year. And 1.1 block. So he doubled his block output, too. So much better. Becoming a stronger player. He's the type of kid who just keeps progressing and progressing and progressing. Virginia, though, did not progress as a team. They went 17-16 that year.

Not terrific. They were 3-11 in their conference, which is awful. They don't go to the tournament. You can go from Final Four to sitting on their asses. 3-11? That's fucking horrific. Yeah, and the ACC, yeah. That's not good.

Not going to work. 85-86 season. He plays in 30 games. Starts all 30. Plays 35.8 minutes a game. 16.1 points per game. Eight rebounds. 1.1 blocks.

That's okay. So he's improving every year. The scoring, like we said, you can't expect a kid to average 30 a game because the scores were 49-47, even in the best games. The team that year goes 19-11. They lose in the first round of the tournament to DePaul, who was the No. 12 seed while they were the No. 5. That was the 5-12 upset that year.

That's no good. And that's bad. You're going to lose to DePaul? Really? No, I don't think so. They're not very good historically. No, DePaul's not like all their national championship banners. They might have an NIT or two.

I'm not sure because no one pays attention to that, but that that's possible de paul it's de paul so he he showed progress though everybody liked him uh on the court they liked what he was doing he could score he could rebound uh because in this division too in this conference there's a lot of good players at this time brad doherty chris washburn john sally horace grant these are all future nba power forwards he was playing against. Great ones. Really good ones. Yeah, these guys all had long careers in the... I think Washburn might have

gotten arrested a bunch. I'm not sure. I only know Mashburn. Jamal Mashburn. Chris Washburn was the Warriors, I believe, for a long time he was on. He played forever. Was that before Clarence Witherspoon? Yeah, that's on the Sixers. But Witherspoon went to the Warriors. Yeah, later on. He played forever. Was that before Clarence Witherspoon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's on the Sixers, Witherspoon. But Letterspoon went to the Warriors.

Yeah, later on. He started out. Anyway, neither here nor there. Right. He's not old and polly. No, he's not old and polly. In 86, he was second team all ACC. And the second team because the first team was Doherty,

Len Bias, Johnny Dawkins, Mark Price. So they were a pretty solid team there. His grade point average was really good. He was a languages major by that time, so he was doing well. The coach called his grades very solid. Polanyi said he was just hating Virginia. He said, quote, there was some snobbery, and that's not me. I'll let something go maybe once but the second or third

time i'm going to do something about it i like that he added the ery at the end i like that there was some snobbery around yeah no he because he learned english he had to like learn english so he learned he speaks very well uh you wouldn't you can barely he's not he doesn't have a heavy accent or anything yeah that's true yeah he's well you come with your when you're seven too you get you get used to it a little more going back real quick to len bias is that a sad thing or a happy thing that he died from a coke overdose the day he got drafted happy thing i think it's pretty sad being number one though uh happy don't yeah but don't you kind of go he went out winning you know what i mean he went out winning yeah i'm sure he would like to collect that first paycheck to spend first

he could have bought a whole fuckload of coke and then he could have had a bigger party and died haven happier i don't know that i feel like at that point i'm just happy for for his family to be able to just go you know what could have been that's the thing about him that he always has people are always like he would have been better than jordan jordan had a hard time with him and no way of knowing we don't know we don't know everybody said that oh he would have been the jordan killer it's like maybe not shrug i don't know what to tell you it's a great thing that he died because if he didn't if he was a bus he might have been the Jordan killer. Maybe not. Shrug. I don't know what to tell you. Maybe it's a great thing that he died because if he didn't, if he was a bust. He might have been a failure. Yeah.

And we would have had another dude. Might have been Joe Smith or Greg Oden. We don't fucking know. Or that fuck for the Celtics that collapsed mid-game and just had his heart exploded. At least he played well for like six years. He contributed. He was like a team captain, I think, or one of them at the time. He died.

Reggie Lewis. Lewis. That's it. Yeah. His coach here, Holland, said, quote, he has, or one of them at the time. He died. Perkins? Reggie Lewis. Lewis, that's it. Yeah. His coach here, Holland, said, quote, he has not had the benefit of a perfect background. Polonise, not Reggie Lewis. Coming from Haiti, learning to speak English, being tall, all of the problems you can have growing up, I think he had most of them.

So it was easy for him to be self-conscious and unsure of who he is in college. He only plays through his junior year, and we'll find out why. His college stats, he starts 84 games, 31.9 minutes a game, averages about 12.1 points per game, seven rebounds, and about a block a game. Got it. So not bad at all. 86, that season he was the team's leading scorer and rebounder, and people started to really see him as an nba player

that's just you know waiting the next ralph samson waiting for that next thing here uh now the day before this is fucking amazing here the day before he he's set to announce for the nba draft he's going to leave school yeah after his junior year it's over he's yeah he's done plagiarized he said told everyone he's announcing but you're not officially announced, so you announce the next day. What he does is he goes to a Rose's Department Store in Charlottesville, Virginia. So he goes there, and he is caught trying to shoplift a pair of headphones that are $16.77. What a dummy. From fucking Rose's Department Store.

Under $20. It's a petty larceny charge. The store owner files the charge. But I'm sure the thing is, though, you win, Alden, because I'm sure Rose's department store in Charlottesville closed down 25 years ago. So much like you stealing from Sears, if you've stolen from a defunct store, you win. You did it. That's it.

You win. Yay. Who's still standing, bitch? That's right. Fuck you. You took them down with your $ still standing, bitch? That's right. Fuck you. You took him down with your $16 theft. Yeah, that's the thing here. So he announces he would turn pro the next day, but then the charges were filed, and

then the coach talked him into reversing his decision because he's like, that's going to fuck up your draft status. It's going to look bad when you announce that. You're going to plummet. I realize we're live, but I got my own headphones. I can plug these in. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, hold on.

What's that, coach? And he moves his headphones. So then they said also getting your degree should be the most important thing in your life. This is the coach. He's like, you want to get your degree. Nothing about playing in your senior year when you're ready to be the best you've been

the whole time you're here and what we've been cultivating you for the entire time and waiting for. for you got your chance to make your fortune forever but get your degree right yeah remember how you want to be a lawyer yeah remember that old virginia officials uh they told him he should get counseling and academic help and uh saying that he would not be allowed to play for the team uh before the second semester of next year so he would have to start kind of in the middle of the basketball season based on the fact

that he did a flip-flop on the whole thing. That's not good. The coach asked him to sit out for a year and then pay for school in his fifth year and play for the team. And Polonese said, fuck no. I'm not going to pay for my

I'm going to sit out this year right and then come back and pay to make you money as a coach to get you a fucking bigger contract how about eat dicks how about you pay for my college and i'll fucking come back uh so he he he said that the circumstance is up to a shoplifting arrest he talks about them later on he says right around that time he i had gotten into a fight with another player on the team during practice this was a big deal by the way and i didn't want to bring it up till now but he says quote this guy john dillson uh or dislin had been throwing elbows and taking cheap shots all year this is a guy on his own team and after getting it from him one more time i just let him have it i didn't mean to but i broke his nose oh fuck he punched him right in the fucking nose he said

coach terry holland said as a result I would not be allowed to play in the early NIT tournament following the season. Oh, no. He said the punishment seemed fair, but the punishment seemed unfair. But he said it just fit the pattern in which he's being singled out because he's a prominent player. No, no one else has anybody else's nose blood on their fist that's the difference and the other thing is like what you're i can't punch people and break their nose on your own team that's counterproductive student athletes have

so much pressure yeah i feel so bad i mean i feel bad for i don't feel so bad i do feel bad because people are getting rich from them and anyone who's getting rich off of people over a 16 pair of headphones we're like college basketball players, Jimmy. That's the best. That's really what we are. Other people are getting rich off of us. We're like Motown singers. Mostly them.

Yeah, I think we're Motown. Yeah, really. How many songs have I written, Jimmy? Jesus Christ. 120 songs. I've written 126 songs on this show alone. And I'm like, no royalty checks, Mr. Gordy? Okay.

That's cool. They're being snapped to everywhere. Yeah, no problem. Next year? Okay. Keep coming royalty checks, Mr. Gordy? Okay, that's cool. They're being snapped to everywhere. Yeah, no problem. Next year? Okay, keep coming. So, yeah, anyway, he said he had a problem there. He was very upset about that. It made him upset.

He said that this was after the plagiarism thing, and he'd reached a point where he was just generally resentful of everybody in their own words. Quote, the day I took the headphones was two days after the fight. I was with a friend. We had just come out of the store. It was like something snapped. I mean, I was wearing shorts, was 6'10 or whatever,

and I turned back, went inside, and just took the first thing I could lay my hands on. I wasn't especially interested in stereo headphones. It was just like I went in there to get caught. He's so dumb.

He did this as like he just wanted to piss everybody off he wanted to be like oh yeah how about this and you think i'm an asshole how's this now these are mine rather than going they think i'm an asshole i better not fuck up anymore right uh he ends up pleading no contest to them it's a misdemeanor charge of the the theft he receives a 30-day suspended sentence and goes through an extended uh the school now just an extended thing of of them trying him trying to preserve they were trying to first he wanted to preserve his scholarship and then he didn't want to and then they wanted to preserve his scholarship and they

said no never mind it was fucking stupid and they went back and forth finally polonise renounces his final season of college eligibility renounces it like a throne. Yeah. I don't want anything to do with it. People, he ends up, they think he's a great player and they think he's going to be good and shit like that. But he's, they said with him, he would, Virginia would have been a preseason number one is what his coach said. And then without him, he's not. Right.

So that, no wonder why he wants him to come back so bad. Get your diploma, son. It's the most important thing. Your diploma is so important. It's so important. More important than the bug in NIT. Oh, God. So he ends up leaving college completely and going and playing in Italy this year.

Wow. I didn't know this. Yeah, neither did I. He's not ready for the draft. He plays with the Rimini Crabs of the Italian League. Yeah, the team finished last, but Polonese averaged 17 points a game and led the league in offensive rebounds, which is good. So he showed that he could go play in a professional league, be mature. He didn't break any teammates' noses, anything like that.

Playing against Leo Rimini's family. Yeah, that's it. All the Reminis are over there. Think about it. They're all 5'3", and he's over there dunking on them. And they're like, oh, he's so ugly, and they run, and then he dunks on them. So he's going to the draft. Everyone thinks it's going to be a first-round pick after this year.

They said there's not a lot of big men out there this year, so he's going to go high. That's nice. Yeah, night before the NBA draft, he says, I hope I can do it. Maybe I can't, but I tell you what, I'm going to make it very hard, as hard as I possibly can, for people to not like me, for people not to like me anymore. The real old in his back, baby. Paulie Neese. Yeah, that's what he didn't say. Multiple nice.

Look at my name. It's got nice right in it, goddamn it. I'm going to be better. About 10 teams expressed interest in him, but they were also all of them were asking about him his college and what's up with the stealing the headphones and the plagiarism and all that uh some some coaches uh are one of the father a father of one of his virginia teammates said that he's extremely sensitive uh olden is quote he feels that people think he's not very bright and not a very bright or sharp kid he, and he wants people to respect him as they would anyone else.

So he feels like, too, that he's like a foreigner, that they're kind of whatever. His high school coach said he's very artistic, talented, creative, and intelligent. He's actually highly principled with a deep sense of right and wrong, which is going to be funny later, and how he should be treated and how to treat other people. But sometimes he doesn't think through. He just reacts. He lets emotions get in the way of his decisions, like the shoplifting. It was a rash judgment. But Olden's not a thief.

He's a principled kid. That's a silver statement right there. Olden's not a thief. He's a principled kid. Should be on a silver-haired middle-aged white man's business card. Here you go. None of these kids are thieves. They're all nice kids.

Fill in the blank at the top. He's not a thief. He just thief. That's an empty one. You fill it in in pen and then you give it to the kid. Hold on to the situation here. He's a stealer. Yeah. The wait is over. So far you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience.

Quickly, I see that. The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me.

Leave her alone. Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Leave her alone. Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin.

His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming.

You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. And now back to the show. It's at this point, too. He has an 11 week old daughter they're talking about he has a daughter named tiara he's supposed to be married to the girl's mother named shauna that year uh so he's all ready for the nba obviously he said quote italy uh my fiance and my baby have cured everything i've grown up that's the only way i can put it finally thank god i've matured like he woke up one day and his flower was bloomed like i got my period it's all better now

he said i know i'm not the only i know uh now that the only person i hurt is olden so now he's getting third person on that period in italy yeah and had a baby and all of a sudden yeah and dance through a vineyard yeah And that was that. Rub some olive oil on it. That was it. My feet feel better now. June 22, 1987 is the NBA draft. Number one overall that year, David Robinson of the San Antonio Spurs. From the Navy.

Yep, from the Navy. This is in New York City, obviously, the draft. Armin Gilliam goes number two. Clippers. Reggie Williams, Phoenix Suns drafted him, actually, and then he went around. They got Gilliam? Yeah, he went around after that. Number five overall, Scottie Pippen, drafted by Seattle, obviously.

Kenny Smith gets drafted by the Kings, the future Houston Rockets point guard. That's so bizarre. These names with the teams they were drafted to, none of them stayed there and became amazing. Number seven overall, Kevin Johnson by the Cleveland Cavaliers. Again, 10-time All-Star or whatever, a six-time All-Star with the Suns, never with the Cavs. Number eight overall, Olden Polonese by the Chicago Bulls. How about that? They pick him up.

After that, Derek McKee, Horace Grant, Reggie Miller, number 11, Muggsy Bogues, number 12. Yeah, a lot of guys who played in the league a long time. Cadillac Anderson, who we'll definitely do an episode on one day, Greg Cadillac Anderson. Reggie Lewis, the dead Boston Celtic. Really? He was drafted the same year? Yep, same year, number 22 overall for Reggie Lewis. So they could have had a dead shooting guard instead,

but instead they got him. So a lot of good players in this year's draft. It's not too bad brad lojas wow it was the terrible milwaukee bucks guy on nba draft for super nintendo lojas blowhouse that's what yeah no one didn't call him blowhouse we've we've talked about blowhouse several times i just said it awful if you could get blowhouse to dunk hats off to you because it wasn't fucking easy not at all all right so that same day june 22nd he's a chicago bull he's gonna go play with michael jordan except the bulls trade him uh trade him and a second round pick next year uh and an 89 first round pick who ended up being bj armstrong all to the seattle supersonics for scotty pippen how about that so that's how the Bulls got Scotty Pippen.

Olden Polonese is how the Bulls got Scotty Pippen. Absolutely. I did not know that. It's insane, right? And they got B.J. Armstrong. We got two of their starting five. Out of this deal. From so many championships out of this deal.

That's fucking nuts, isn't it? From this deal. Good for you, Olden. Good for you. That's something Olden can say he's done. He gave the Bulls five championships. He's some part of history anyway. He can say that. That's right. He. He gave the Bulls five championships. He's some part of history anyway. He can say that.

That's right. He said, I gave them five championships. He's proud of himself for this shit too. Not the Bulls five championships, but he's proud of what he's done. He said, I learned how to walk and run. I used that. It was my motivator. Anytime someone told me I couldn't do something, you can't walk.

You're not going to learn English in six months. You're not going to college. Oh, months. You're not going to college. Oh, I won't ever play in the NBA. Well, guess what? There's always going to be someone who tells you you can't do something. Tell me I can't do it. If you want me to do something, just tell me I can't. I used to love it when people told me that.

Holden, you can't give the Bulls five championships. Jesus. Yeah. Or stay out of jail or play alongside Michael Jordan. He never did that. Either way. 87-88 with Seattle. He never did that. Either way. 87-88 with Seattle. He plays in all 82 games.

Doesn't start any because he's a rookie. Only plays 13.2 minutes a game. 4.1 points a game. Doesn't matter. And they have Xavier McDaniel then. That team is Tom Chambers, actually, which is odd before the Suns there. Dale Ellis, Xavier McDaniel, Derek McKee, Nate McMillan. Wow.

That's Sadal three. That's a great team. Yeah, it's not a bad team. This is pre-Sean Kemp, pre-Gary Payton, pre-that 90s. Before Detlef Schrempf. Before Detlef Schrempf. He was on another team at that point. Clippers?

No, Schrempf was... Pacers. Jesus, Pacers. There you go. I'm like, ah, I couldn't fucking put it in my head. So, yeah, the team goes 44-38 that year. They lose in the Western Conference first round of the Denver Nuggets. There you go.

He must have been very happy for that. He only makes $350,000 that year, but this is 1987. That's a lot of money. If you're making $350,000, you're fucking killing it. That's a million dollars. Slaying. That's a million dollars now. That's great.

1988-89 season seattle again uh this year he plays an 80 game starts zero again really uh plays less minutes per game last year was 13 minutes this year it's 10.4 averages 2.9 points a game one par 2.6 total rebounds they're just not playing him they have no killing doing nothing nothing they have no interest in him uh the team is 47 and 35 they're very mediocre and they go to the playoffs uh they uh they beat the houston rockets in the first round and then they are swept by the lakers ouch after that uh yeah he's out of four games it's fucking magic johnson you're not gonna beat him nope and then he then he realizes he made,000 that year and he doesn't give a shit anymore.

He goes, whatever, I'm good. $350,000 and I don't have AIDS? $350,000, no Haiti, my feet are straight, let's fucking do this. Is there any rumor that maybe he gave Magic Johnson AIDS? I believe so. I believe so. With his feet. That was the only way it could happen.

So, 89-90 season. He plays in 79 games games they start him seven times he only plays 13.7 minutes per game again that year so 4.6 points they just don't care about him in seattle man yeah they just don't give a shit he's a backup backup center he's like a third string center and we heard that team there's a lot of power forwards in there just a lot of bigger guys to bang around with you You get lost in that shuffle. And depending on the strategy, depending if they want to go fast or go slow, you can put in all those guys at the same time. That's what I mean.

There's so many big guys. It would just be a gang fight. There's a bunch of guys in there that are huge and tough. Xavier McDaniel and Polonise. Those are a bunch of big, tough, ugly son of a bitches that you're scared to punch because you'll make your hand uglier. So this year, the team goes 41 and 41. So 500.

They don't make the playoffs. Miserable. This is, you know, pre when they were good. He makes 350 grand. Again. This is when he starts to come into his own in terms of he plays to the crowd. He'll be all fist pumping, running down the court after a basket or something and he'll be towel waving on the bench and make him a spectacle of himself points a game yeah

that's the thing he's very excited when he scores never mind towel waving on the bench he grabs one as he runs by and waves it as he runs down the court whoo somebody telling that up there it is picks a woman out of the crowd put you know bends her over kisses her like it's vj day throws her back on the chair goes and dunks again proposes to her at halftime yeah he would pump fans up to stand up before a timeout or to you know do a rally he'd be doing the get up everybody shit like he's he's all it's all positive they said though it's all there's not he's not getting mad this is just when he's he's very energetic he's in the team he's like half of dennis rodman right like he's not getting mad. This is just when he's very energetic. He's like half of Dennis Rodman. Right.

He's without the crazy part at this point. One of the players, a Seattle assistant coach, I'm sorry, said, quote, he'll rub it in when his team gets up and ahead of you. You could see where players resent that. He's just immature, really. But I liked him because he always played and practiced hard. Is that immature, though? No, I don't think so.

And that's just an old school. I remember the Yankees in the late 90s. I can't remember who it was. I think maybe it was Shane Spencer or somebody when he came up early 2000s, one of these players. They said they told him to calm down because they told him, hey, listen, you're showing a little too much enthusiasm on the bench. You need to be. Go fuck yourself. And it was like, they need that.

They're fucking a bunch of old farts. Maybe they need somebody who's fucking enthusiastic. Maybe that'll light a fire under their asses to also be enthusiastic. Or they'll all make fun of him for it. Either way, it's camaraderie. What the fuck's the difference? I'm just jacked about having a giant paycheck and we're having fun. And you hit a home run.

Yay. Can you believe the luck? No shit. I was born and going in the bad ones bin. Let me be happy. I need a picture of this bin so everyone can understand exactly what's going on. There are just baby arms hanging out of that shit like left and right. They let it stack up high.

They only take it out once a week. It's really bad. I'm kidding. Left and right arms hanging out of there. Yeah, all over the place. So, 90-91 season. That's awesome. He starts with Seattle in the beginning.

He plays a few games with Seattle. 48 to be exact. They start him zero games, and then they trade him. He's traded with a first-round pick to the L.A. Clippers for Benoit Benjamin, better known as Benoit Bunjammin on the porn scene. That is my cousin Ian's name. I can't take credit for that. He said that would be his porn name.

Bunjamon? Yeah, Benoit Bunjamon. Okay. That's pretty fucking funny from Benoit Benjamin because his name is Benoit. Right. Why not? So this year he ends up going to the Clippers. They start him 30 of 31 games at the Clippers.

So they needed him, actually. He's 12.3 points a game to the Clippers. They start him 30 of 31 games at the Clippers. So they needed him, actually. He's 12.3 points a game for the Clippers. So he ups his production. 9.1 rebounds. There's a chance to play, actually. Jesus, I forgot how long the Clippers were shit. Terrible. Until eight years ago.

They were awful. They were always a joke. There's a great joke from Alonzo Bowden that said he used to, because he's tall, he used to tell people to play for the Clippers. I'm black, I love the NBA, and I can't name three Clippers. They wouldn't fucking know. Nobody would care about the Clippers, and nobody did care. They were the team

if you were playing a game, a Sega game in the 90s, if you wanted to beat the shit out of somebody, you'd play the Clippers. Fuck the Clippers. They suck. They're all garbage. This was the team the Clippers had. Leron, Ellis, Gary, Grant, Ron Harper, Danny Manning, Elliot Perry, a little Suns guy later on.

I liked Ron Harper. Charles Smith. I always rooted for him with his fucking speech impediment. I like Ron Harper, too, and I like Danny Manning a lot also. So this year he plays in 76 games, starts 65 of them, 8.1 points per game, 7.1 rebounds, only 24.1 points per game, 7.1 rebounds, only 24.1 minutes per game that year. An article

in 1992 about him, he says, when I play, I don't have time to think about people. I got in Patrick Ewing's face once, and it wasn't until later I said, what am I doing? Come on, Olden, you're carrying this a little too far. But I saw a conflict between one of my teammates, and my instinctive reaction was to go over.

I know one day I'm going to do that and get laid out. So at least he's got the self-awareness to go, one of these big motherfuckers is going to knock me out when I go over there. Pretty much whoever gets the first punch in, it's going to probably be over. That is an ugly fight. That's an ugly. Patrick Ewing and Olden Polony. No one's breaking that fight off. They're just going to spray him with like a cat, like.

The only thing they can have is improve their faces. That's it. Yeah. Oh, look at that. That's better. Hey, Polonise, now that that part's swollen too, it looks better. That's right. Now it's all symmetrical.

It's proportional. He said there was a psych up ritual. He'd drive to the sports arena in the LA sports arena over there in his Porsche 928. Wow. Jet black Porsche 928. You betcha. He'd have the music going. It was either, like, you know, he liked hardcore rap or reggae.

He'd bump it up loud. He had fucking, you know, a system in there with bass and everything. They said he would open up the sunroof and all that kind of shit and uh you know let everybody hear it that uh one of his teammates said quote he opened the door one time and it was just blasting i've never ridden it to a game with him i'm glad to say i'd be deaf if i did so they don't even want to get in his goddamn car he says the game gets closer and he says one polly says he changes he says quote it's two personalities. I switch over. Later on, he lets those personalities leak into his home life. He said he takes up his left ankle, all the shit in order.

He says, quote, I'm pumped. Rebounds, rebounds and more rebounds. It's like I've got to get the first rebound of the game. He says he at this point, he's five weeks into writing a screenplay that he hopes to sell and have made into a movie. Though he's never had any anything published before he also writes poetry he he says that uh it's it's one art that he's been uh uh publicized his painting also he likes to paint and he says he paints on everything from canvas to clothes he said when i was in new york it was graffiti now it's canvas or clothes all right

poems calm down let me read you this poem i wrote about uh where god and there's it's called footsteps let me write this poem it's called punched in the face by patrick ewing it's pretty good it's not a bad reading you all these poems that he photocopied crooked feet crooked feet bad baby bin let me let me read you this new poem I wrote called Sharpie Won't Write. That's a blues song, actually. Sharpie won't write. Sharpie won't write bad baby bin now. The hook is just lick it. That's what it is.

Oh, lick it, baby. Throw those babies away. You gotta lick it, baby. Unbelievable away you gotta lick it baby unbelievable that's how it goes so uh yeah this team here the the clippers they lose to the western conference first round of the playoffs to the jazz that year uh in five games uh 750 grand he makes not too fucking shabby there love to make that 1992 the riots The riots are in L.A. When he plays in L.A. This was a big deal if you weren't born or don't remember, were too young for it. It was a big fucking deal.

Like it was an American city was on fucking fire for days. So kind of a big deal. Bounced a brick off a truck driver's head and then danced in the street on TV. Fucking Koreans were shooting at people indiscriminately. It was nuts. That place was crazy. And also looting and riots. So most of the players, though, because the league really wanted to stay kind of quiet about this,

because people all had different opinions. Like a lot of people were, I mean, just the general sentiment. A lot of people, they saw the Rodney King thing. I mean, just the general sentiment. A lot of people, they saw the Rodney King thing, and even people who weren't real sympathetic to race issues or anything like that were like, oh, that's fucked up. Fuck that shit. And fuck that.

Fuck those guys. And then when the riots started, though, then they were like, well, fuck those people for getting mad. So it was really weird. People would agree with the cause but then be mad at the riots. So it was a very divisive issue, these riots and the whole thing so the nba tried to steer clear of it and most people did and most players did too at the request of the league and uh but olden polonies did not no olden polonies jumped right in there uh he grabbed a shovel and uh for days

he would shovel debris of burnt shit with the people. Yeah, he jumped right in there, would join the crews. He's the only NBA player fucking doing this that I know of. A clipper because he lived there. He said, quote, how can you think about sports when people have lost their lives and homes? That's what he said. And he's fucked while he was shoveling. And they were talking about how most athletes stayed as invisible as they could possibly be. And this guy was six foot ten with a shovel in his hand right next to everybody else.

Yeah, which is pretty fucking crazy. That's what I mean. You hear that and you go, wow, that's pretty cool. What a nice dude. What a good dude. He thinks about other people. The Clippers, though, I don't think quite liked it very much because they end up trading him directly after that.

Right now. Right now. Yeah. He's trying to be like a good member of the community. They're like, let's get him the fuck out of here. We don't like what he does. Yep. He's true. Well, Donald Ster like a good member of the community. They're like, let's get him the fuck out of here. We don't like what he does. Yep. Well, Donald Sterling was the owner of the team.

So let's get fucking rioty there out of here. He's costing us money. Yeah, let's get crooked feet out of here. So he's traded by the Clippers for William Bedford and Don McLean. Polanyi says the Clippers are so shitty to him they didn't even tell him about it. He said, quote, I'm hanging in L.A., hanging out with some friends one night in Santa Monica. I look up on the TV and my picture's up there. I've been traded to Detroit.

I didn't even get a phone call. How about that? He found out on the fucking news with his friends. He watched ESPN and found out. Hey, Olden, you're moving tomorrow. Pardon me? You're moving to Michigan from Los Angeles. Fucking Detroit.

Excuse me? Yeah, thanks a lot. That's how shitty it is to be in Los Angeles. Fucking Detroit. Excuse me? Yeah, thanks a lot. That's how shitty it is to be in the NBA. Hey, Holden, somebody said something weird on TV, and there's a Mayflower truck out front. They're beeping. Is that a thing? They have a little sign that says Holden.

It's weird, right? I don't get that. So this was the Detroit team that had Mark McGuire, Joe Dumars, Isaiah Thomas still left over. I'm sorry, yeah, Isaiah Thomas was still there. Orlando'm sorry. Yeah, Isaiah Thomas was still there. Orlando Woolridge. Yeah, this is the end of it. This is when it's going to Alvin Robertson.

Oh, how about that? Teammates with another one of our pals here. So February 93, he's done some bad things so far. Not much bad stuff so far. He's been pretty good. Well, 93, want to talk about good. He starts fasting for Haiti. He's fasting

in support of Haitian refugees who were infected with HIV, who they were treating poorly in Haiti. They said that he was always interested in this sort of thing, the politics of Haiti and all this. He said he was protesting U.S. policy toward Haitian refugees that had HIV by fasting because they had a different they weren't let in and they were put in refugee camps that were worse than others and that sort of thing.

He said he attempted to visit one of the refugee camps in Miami and he was turned away at gunpoint by soldiers that wouldn't let him in to visit which i mean it's a secure location not gonna let a guy in but some of these people have aids bro yeah they're like he's like no it's all right my feet are crooked uh so it was a he called it turned into a modified hunger strike because he this he did it during the all-star break yeah but then once they started playing he had to start eating something again yeah energy yeah so he would do that uh they said he was this what i mean there's haiti there's that uh he said quote one of his virginia assistant coach said quote olden was never one to sit back and be a spectator in this world he's going to speak his mind and take a stand he's a

sensitive caring person he's very emotional and that kind of involvement does not surprise me at all he said quote i just feel that something has to be done we're talking about the bosnians and the somalians and everybody else but nothing's being said about the situation in guantanamo or in miami or in or the haitian plight period okay so he's like got some geopolitical fucking like interests more than most nba players in 1992 i get it old and nobody's saying we don't care about them too yeah well he's saying they don't care about them at all. He just wants a big spotlight on them. And I get it.

That's fine. It is a horrible place. Yeah, he lost six pounds in a hunger strike here. Yeah, with this sort of thing. That's what it takes? Yeah, that's it. That's six pounds. He said he ate only a small pasta salad before they played Miami before a game.

That's it. For a big guy like that to run, you know how many calories you burn in an NBA game? I mean, especially that year, he's fucking, he's averaging, you know, 20 minutes a game. And he just jammed 560 calories down his throat. And he's like, that'll do.

And he ran off 4,000 in the first half and was like, Jesus, I feel, are you lightheaded? Anybody got any pasta laying around? Is that just me? You could really go for some pasta soaked in fucking Thousand Island. I could do that. It's Italian, isn't it? It's not going to be Thousand Island.

Thousand Island would be terrible. That would be disgusting. There's relish floating around. You're like, what is this? It's all vile shit. So this now, he stole some headphones, had plagiarism, but he's really come back. Everything he does, he improves. He's improved in basketball.

He's improving in salary. He's improving. He's doing all sorts of works he's helping he's helping people with the breeze doing all this grace really this is great oh it's it's a hard hard left from here on out brother this is uh that's definitely grace 92 93 season here uh with detroit uh 7.3 points per game. Like we said, he didn't play all that much. Only started 18 games. The team goes 40-42. So things have taken a downturn for Detroit, who was in the finals a couple years before that, before the Bulls took over. $850,000 he makes that year. Fantastic.

And in Detroit, he's the fucking king. Oh, he could be the king of Detroit. Yeah, definitely. He's fighting over Isaiah. You could buy, a few years ago, you could half of the city for $850,000. Just whole blocks. He could have been Eminem's landlord for the rest of his life. So September 28th, 1993, this debris shoveling, fasting for a good cause type of guy.

He is suspected of assault with a deadly weapon on that day as his girlfriend told police he pointed a loaded handgun out at her outside of her home in her driveway and uh he was arrested at his home about an hour later he ends up being released on uh twenty thousand dollars bail at about 11 a.m what did she say about boy yeah what'd she say about Haiti? Oh, boy, yeah. What did she say about crooked-feated fucking crooked-footed Haitians? Yeah. So police say that Polonise was in the driver's seat of his car outside of his ex-girlfriend's apartment at 6 a.m., which is never good. No. You don't want to be there at 6 a.m. or 11 p.m.

From the night before. You want business hours there if you're going to have an ex situation. Apparently, there was an argument while she was standing outside the car and so old in here loaded a pulled a loaded handgun from somewhere in his car and pointed it at her pointed at her and

scared her obviously and then kept you know taunting her with it and said quote she said told police that he said quote I should have shot you last time i would have shot you in the leg okay so uh this is apparently not the first time that he's pulled a gun on her and he takes it out on legs i should have shot you in the leg so you'd be limping and know what it's like to be a four-year-old haitian boy uh so uh police said

uh polonise denies uh pulling the gun at all. He doesn't. He obviously said, I don't know what you're talking about. This is obviously false. I am an ambassador of goodwill. Did you see me shoveling in riots? I ate a pasta salad and then played an NBA game. You've done that? I was banging around with Hakeem Olajuwon after a pasta salad. You've never done that?

You've done that, pal? So at that point, that's why. That's not great. That's a bad salad. What do you think of that? You've done that, pal? So at that point, that's why. That's not great. That's a bad charge. You don't want to be pointing your gun at your girlfriend telling her, I should have shot you last time. I feel like that's a bad look for an NBA player. Which tells the

police, this has happened before. That's obviously yeah. And nobody knew, but there's been gunplay. That's what that says right here. It's been around. It's happened. So 93-94 season. He starts it with Detroit. He plays a little bit for Detroit, 13.1 points per game, nothing crazy. February 20th, though, around the All-Star break by the trade deadline,

he is traded by the Pistons to the Sacramento Kings for Pete Chilcutt. To go to Sacramento in the mid-' 90s too isn't it's not a glamour destination you're not excited about that this was after the jersey change though so they had actually the i think this is when they had the purple and black jersey yeah this is the teams with this is bobby hurley post-accident here brian grant uh randy brown was on that team it's a fun team mitch richmond mitch richmond was good. Richmond was really fucking good. He was a great player. Yeah, he was a great player.

You get him in a Sega game, he crushed. Forget it. He was the only thing good about Sacramento. So he makes $850,000, old and does not, not Mitch Richmond.

Yeah. That year. The Kings, on the other hand, they finish 39-43 in 94-95 the next season. Not that great as the Kings were. They were another one. You'd play the Clippers or the Kings if you wanted to beat up on somebody.

That year, though, 94-95, he has 10.8 points per game, which is okay. He starts all 81 games he plays in, so that's good. He was a starting five? Starting five for Sacramento. Yeah, 10.8 points per game, nine total rebounds, about a half a block. So that's not terrific. He'd been averaging about a block a game in his career before that. So that year, though, he makes $1.9 million.

In Sacramento. So now, yeah. That's great. Now you're doing well. Now this is a different type of situation. This is better. August 15th, 1996, though, there is a little bit of a problem. Uh-oh.

Apparently there is a disturbing the peace call. The police are called to his home from something that is stemming from a, quote, family argument, which sounds like he's arguing with his girlfriend or something like that. No charges ever result from this, though. The police come and visit and we find out another visit that never gets documented that also they've been called out to the house. Whenever we hear about any of these domestic violence for all these athletes, there's always like this is the fourth time the police have been there. The first three times nobody got arrested, blah, blah, blah. It's never the first incident.

It's there. It's basically like every time that happens, the cops go, well, we'll be going back there at some point. I'll tell you that much. Once this happens once. Mr. Polonis is going to be familiar with us. Yeah, the floodgates are going to goddamn open here. So 95-96 with Sacramento. He plays 81 games, starts 80 of them.

Not bad at all. 12.2 points per game. Not bad at all. 12.2 points per game. Not bad at all. It's okay. Total rebounds, though, 9.4. I didn't crack that 10 for Sacramento. And.8 blocks per game. The team is terrible, 39 and 43, which is the same garbage pretty much they were last year.

I think the same record they were last year. Just garbage. But they actually make the playoffs under 500 that's how shitty the west was it's a shitty bat yeah in basketball you can and hockey too you can have 500 teams making the play because it's half the league makes the playoffs more than half the league it's kind of the nature of it uh they do lose and said in four games in the first round of seattle that year who was actually good that was when they had kemp and peyton and all those guys.

Schramm and Sam Perkins. Yeah, that's right. A good squad there. Yeah, old droopy-eyed Sam. That was a fun fucking team. Yeah, well, Olden in the playoffs that year, though, in that playoff series, he averages 13.8 points and 12 rebounds per game. Well, look at this. So he comes alive in the playoffs.

Puts some pressure on the guy. And he gets a little bit better. Well, you know what? His whole life's been a lot of pressure, and so maybe that's what he needs, a little bit of pressure. But it's all on the line. As long as you don't chant things about term papers at him, I think he's going to be fine with everything.

Right. So this is a, he makes $2,520,000 that year. What a payday. So that is great. Yeah. That's fucking, if you're from a situation where your parents are a cab driver and a housekeeper and you grew up with nothing and no wheelchair and all this shit, man, you're styling. Five years in the NBA, he's made $5 million.

He could buy Haiti right now. Yeah, the whole island. Unbelievable. It's all good. Everything on it. So 1996, 1997 season, he starts with Sacramento, obviously. 1997 season. He starts with Sacramento, obviously.

And October 18th, 1996, Polonise starts the game for the Kings here against the Pistons that night. Then later on that night, police receive a 911 call from Olden's home. He got off work and wanted to have a fight. He got a little bit of a fight. He wasn't quite happy with the way the game went, apparently, or something. He's got a 25-year-old girlfriend there at home, and she calls 911. And while the 911 line was still going, that's horrible. As a 911 dispatcher, imagine the shit you hear on the other side of that fucking call. I can't imagine.

Yeah, the dispatcher could hear, quote, what sounded like a fight involving a man and woman, which is exactly what it was. Apparently, she told the dispatcher that, quote, that her boyfriend had become violent. So that would be old in that situation. The woman told officers that old and, quote, forcibly pulled a set of keys from her hand and simultaneously shoved her against the wall. So that's not great. She sustained a small cut on her lip and a swollen hand and finger or left hand.

Polonise describes it as a, quote, unfortunate incident, which is an understatement. He's very understated sometimes. Sometimes he's overstated, pump his fist. Sometimes you beat up a woman and you say, it's an unfortunate incident. What did he say about pulling the gun on the one and threatening to shoot him? What was that? It's an unfortunate incident. incident unfortunately she got hurt tonight uh yeah unfortunately i ripped car keys from her hand causing great pain and swelling was the gun just uh just a conversation with props was it improv it was just improv practice

an interesting disagreement we brought props into it it was a colorful disagreement that's all it was just a very colorful i'm a colorful guy you know it's a dangerous situation it's dangerous uh also unfortunate if that's a better word you know what i'm gonna go with unfortunate as far as dangerous is not inconvenient because i had to talk to police i had to talk to police and i'm sure it was inconvenient for her she didn't want to have a gun pulled on her and oh i mean i didn't pull a gun on her never mind she had to do paperwork and you know she had to talk to people it's an inconvenient evening so he is arrested at home on domestic assault charges yeah at that point which that's not good here you don't want

to be booked into county jail which he is after a basketball game he's released several hours later on bail obviously but now. Still wearing the jersey. Now he's got that hanging over his head. So now he's got two domestic assault incidents with two different women, one involving a gun. We're building a bad resume now. This isn't good. See what I mean?

He built this goodwill up with the Haiti thing, with the helping after the riots. He does all of that, and then he quickly throws it all right in the fucking garbage it's all you fucking asshole as soon as you see your wife's or girlfriend's face in your fucking sights of your weapon yeah that's not now or or the print of it in your drywall either one of the two if you see a makeup print of a woman's right i have eyeshadow on a fucking on some drywall you've've done wrong. And you should know that. You have Maybelline all over your fucking wall. It's not terrific.

It doesn't matter how many houses, burned houses you've shoveled out. No, you're kind of an asshole at that point. And now back to the show. Hey, everybody. Just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you a little bit about Blue e-cigarettes. Myblue.com, M-Y-B-L-U.com. Sometimes it's hard to find a satisfying vape that's simple and convenient. You know, most vapes are those big, giant, bulky vape machines.

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On the court, still plays, starts all 82 games so he does that doesn't miss a fucking game from that right he's released the next day's release later on that morning played the next day like nothing happened uh he starts all 82 games 35.3 minutes a game which is a career high for him this is unbelievable not bad uh 12.5 points per game 9.4 rebounds gets back up to one whole block again how about that not bad the team is awful 34 and 48 they're the kings of the mid 90s which doesn't really matter though because he makes three uh three million one hundred forty thousand dollars that year fuck which is fucking impressive yeah that's a lot of money uh for anybody yeah he ends up in the off season, too. He works as a color commentator for the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.

Did he really? Well, you know what the thing was, Jimmy? At home, he's got a lot of kids, as we'll find out later. It's very, very loud. You can't get solid rest. Yeah. Now, where you can get solid rest is a live WNBA game. And if there's anything that he's really good at, it's talking about women that he'd like

to punch in the face. That's the other thing. Who the fuck? That's crazy. Why did they put him in the booth? How did he not get beat up by half of these women? How did they not come over and be like, hey, motherfucker, pull a gun on me, bitch. Some 6'8".

They're tough. Those ladies are... Yeah. I wouldn't fuck with those women. They can't score and they can't dunk,, they're tough. Those fucking, those ladies are, I wouldn't fuck with those women. They can't score and they can't dunk, but they are tough. They're awful at basketball, but I wouldn't fight them for anything. Really, anything at all. And how do you, as an organization that is about women and promoting women and their ability,

and you hire the dude that pulls guns on women. Anybody here, who's got a fresh domestic violence? Like in the last year, like in the last 12 months. Olden Polonese? You get them in the booth then. We're going to make this funny. You got anybody that painted their living room in Maybelline with their wife's face? Is that possible?

Hey, yeah, we're giving the women in our own league and shit like that, but we still need it to be insulting to them. How can we do that? How can we still make sure they know that they're lesser? Oh, I get it. Let's put a domestic abuser in the booth. We'll arm him, too. We'll say, he might bring his gun.

Maybe he brought it. Maybe he didn't. You never know, ladies. You know, we're really boosting women up a little, too. How can we knock them down just at least one peg? Maybe just have them have some fear in their hearts. That's all. Why would they do that?

Who the fuck made that call? Who was like, who sat in a booth that was like, we need to hire somebody. But then again, if he stayed in the booth all season and didn't fall asleep, fucking hats off to him. Maybe he's trying. He's coming around. I don't know what to say because that's impressive. That is impressive.

That fucking layup contest that they have going on. Jesus. Jesus. September 10th. And they miss those that's the thing that's depressing you need to be above the rim and it's not their fault everyone's everyone's shorter by nature plus everyone's shorter by nature so it's just a matter of why i don't understand if the average player in the nba is six foot seven and the average player in the wmba is

six foot one or whatever, 6' tall, why not lower the rim 7 inches to make up for that? Put him in the 9'4 rim. Yeah, and it's not an insult. I would maybe watch it for five minutes if that. Maybe. Probably not. But I might.

Because there's better basketball available. Although it is, I got to say, I will say this, it is just as good as college men's basketball. It is. It's just as good. They miss just It is. It's just as good. They miss just as much. It's the same scores. It's just, they are, don't.

There's less dicks on the court. I'm sorry. Everybody, all you guys out there going, yeah, fucking quit your dick swinging for a second. Because if you love college basketball and you watch a tournament, you're watching the same thing. So fuck you. You're watching the WNBA. Yeah.

That's going to be the next thing. So September 10th, 1997. But in the WNBA, they are punching their wives just as much. Oh, they are. That's what happens all the time. They are knocking them the fuck out. I'm sure we'll have a... Driving drunk and punching bitches.

I'm sure we'll do an episode. Yeah, they'll punch them. WNBA and the NBA are exactly the same, minus scoring and dunking. Yeah, minus excitement and something you pay to see. Minus fun. Minus a product to watch. So this is in 97.

The charge of domestic abuse from last year involving his then fiance is dismissed by the Sacramento District Attorney's office. He was free this whole time on $10,000 bail. He had his bail returned to him.

It was charged, was dismissed here. The prosecutor said there was insufficient evidence to try the case because his fiance didn't want to talk anymore because now everything's fine. I'm good now. Her mortgage is fucking expensive. He hasn't punched me lately, is what she said. So everything's fine. They said the special assistant chief deputy district attorney, Patrick Marlette.

That's a fucking long title. He said, quote, it was not her desire to proceed with the case. They have been married since then. So now she was Rachel Taylor, who is now Rachel Polonise, I guess they say. They've remained together and successfully participated in counseling, he says. In light of these factors, we asked the court to dismiss the case. He's good now, is what they said. When they arrived, they said he could have been punishable by up to a year in jail or a $6,000 fine.

Polonise describes the incident in court as quote a family situation that got out of hand yeah i love how i love it i love it but it's hilarious when giant athlete assholes beat up a woman and then say it was a family situation that's all it was none of your business it's a family situation no no no this is the fuck yeah when you punch a smaller person who lives in your house that's not a family situation anymore. You've invited the rest of us in to judge that shit at that point. The other thing is,

a family situation is like punching your brother on Thanksgiving because he said something that you didn't agree with and you were both drunk. Punching your wife is fucked up. That's fucked up. I don't care which way you shake it.

And on her thing, whether it's Kobe Bryant's wife with the giant ring after the cheating incident, or a little quid pro quo here, Rachel Polonise here opens Nico Kids right after that. Oh, no way. An 850 square foot store named after their son, Nico. It's located in the Pavilion Shopping Center in Sacramento. I'm sure not anymore, but then-

That's an equal mistake. Features domestic and imported lines for babies on up to preschoolers. Part of the proceeds went to AIDS Sacramento Child Abuse Prevention Council, which she was a board member. It would have been amazing if she just bought everything domestic. Just everywhere in the store, the word domestic was fucking everywhere. When I saw that, this was like a fluff thing about it. I'm like, don't use the word domestic.

This was like three days after the fucking charges were dismissed. So he was like, we'll open the doors when the charge is dismissed. That's when we'll open the doors. That's when you get the keys to this shit. Prosecutor said, we're going to case dismissed. And he just did one of these ching and tossed the keys over to her. And she was like, the door's open tomorrow. Threw the keys at the gavel.

That's it. Done. Knock, knock. So he's still in Sacramento, 97-98. He only averages 7.9 points per game that year. Plays in 70 games. Only starts 25, 20.8 minutes per game. Not terrific.

Total rebound, 6.3 a game. You've got to have more of that out of a guy that size. I'm sorry. For that kind of money. For that kind of money, especially. He is making $3,6 million to three million six hundred ten thousand dollars that year wow the team is god-awful atrocious 27 and 55 absolutely awful that's in their money away on a baby store on nothing yeah they're like well i guess we sort of own that fuck man we should

they should give us some stock in that fucking thing. The owner should be able to go in and pick out a couple of onesies whenever he feels like it. Grab a stroller every now and again for a baby fucking gift. No shit. That's the end of his contract in Sacramento, and that's a tough time to have your contract up, too, because that is when the strike happened right after that. So he's a free agent

out there floating in strike land once the strike is over. This is when I gave up on the fucking NBA. This is when a lot of people did. It was hard to watch after that. It wasn't the same. It took a while to get back in the groove of it. The Spurs winning championships.

Yeah, it was like the Spurs. It was fucking foreign. Houston Rockets winning. Well, they won before. Yeah, but it was just fucking weird. They were good in the mid-90s. I was excited because the Knicks went to the finals of that strike short and shit year,

but then they lost anyway, so it didn't matter. They could have got me back, but the Knicks lost, so never mind. And then they quit trying, too. So, January 21st, 99, the strike's over, and Olden signs as a free agent with the Seattle Supersonics.

Back home. Back home with the Sonics. They grab him again. This is Vin Baker's on this team. You know, Dale Ellis. Vin Baker, by the way, doesn't sound like a basketball player. Vin Baker, it sounds like a truck driver or a plumber from around the hood. He hangs out with Paul Calhoun. He installs Paul Calhoun.

Hey, guy. No, when I come back, I just do the estimates. I'm Paul Calhoun. I do the estimates. I smack your wife, that sort of thing. But the guy who actually puts in your shit pipes. vin baker uh that's a guy named vin baker there he has he's got his own truck he comes over he's the best shit pipes half his half his ass is out it's all about shit pipes he's got a he doesn't even have he doesn't even have an ass on his pants

because he said you know what it's gonna hang out anyway that's how committed that's how committed i am to my job when i saw that i said i gotta hire this fucking guy he was born to clean shit pipes one you know why he has 11 inches because one more inches of crack one more inch of crack he'd have a foot he'd have a foot back there that's what it would be oh man uh gary payton on this team also detlef schrempf still around uh so uh he's on their team that year on seattle he's fined five thousand dollars for making an obscene gesture toward fans one game in march somebody off march 4th yeah he uh it was it was in it was actually in sacramento which is funny he was going at it with uh billy owens and and they uh they end up uh getting booed because they were fighting and then uh he gives

him the finger and seattle won the 105-102. Good for them. He plays in 48 games that year. Starts 47 of them, because there's only 50 games in the season, I believe, that year. 7.7 points per game. Not great. 8.9 rebounds a game. So he's not living up to potential.

No. His uphill ascension has just taken, ever since he pulled that gun on his ex-girlfriend, things have taken quite the downturn for him maybe the uh the haitian surgery just isn't isn't doesn't have any longevity he's not being injured he can run but maybe the legs just they're kind of given out only if he shoots with his feet only if he shoots with his feet because he's also his career has no legs because he had he had a haitian surgery well he's also a god-awful free feet because he's also. His career has no legs because he had a Haitian surgery. Well, he's also a god-awful free throw shooter.

That's a good point. He's one of the worst. So maybe he is shooting with his feet. He shot 31% from free throw that year. I remember his free throw, I think. Terrible. It was like he'd line it up and then he'd move it to the side and shoot. You know what I mean?

Yeah, he was. I think that's true. 31% the year before. He was a 45 three throw shooter year before that 56 year before that 60 63 he's gone down the last five years just worse than shack he's gotten to 31 it's insane terrible your grandmother could shoot that 31 if you gave her some practice hey grandma shoot a bunch of those we're gonna need you to do that a couple times in the game they'd shoot shoot 31% from the free throw line.

It seems like the commentary of NBA may have driven up the percentage of free throw. It seems like, because when we were watching this era of NBA, the commentaries would be like, if they'd have made 50% more, maybe they would have won the game. And now the worst free throw shooters in the NBA are like 73%. Because it's ridiculous. At one point they finally stopped and went, this is a free fucking shot. They're letting you take it. At one point you get guaranteed.

Fucking practice that. We're not going to accept under 75%. We're not. We're just fucking not. And it seems like they did it. And they did. Even Tim Duncan was a terrible free throw shooter. And he was a good shooter.

Like a good mid-range jump shot. But he couldn't shoot a fucking free throw. Maybe he should try to turn around and fade away. It would have hit it better. When you were a kid, though, the smaller the guy as it got to the bigger part of the lineup, the worse the free throws. Mark Price, 96%. Shaq, fucking 47%. That's what it is.

Gunning it at the goddamn thing. That's what it was. John Starks was like 90%. Patrick Ewing's fucking 12. Jeff Hornacek, like 93% or some crazy shit. gunning it at the goddamn thing that's what it was john starks was like 90 percent it was tiny white guys and tiny black guys just tiny guys but i remember all the white guys for some reason because that's all they were good at well that's that's what they were known for it was like what else do you know jeff hornacek for decent free three-point shooter 92 percent from the fucking it's because we had to make our free throws to be captains on the street team that's what happened i was great at free throws

i couldn't shoot shit outside of that yeah i'm six four i didn't have to worry about so that's funny to make the team i had to get that free throw they're like he's tall fuck it come on he makes a million dollars this year doing that august 2nd, 1999, after the season, he's released by Seattle. Not to fear, though. No fear. Three weeks later, he's signed as a free agent with the Utah Jazz. This is the Armand Gilliam, Jeff Hornacek, Carl Malone,

obviously, Olden Polonies, Brian Russell, John Stockton. Oster Tag. I hate Oster Tag. We've talked a lot about that fucking. Oh God is he a mook.

He is just a another one fucking horrible free throws be flat top dullard fucking most bland white man on the planet.

If there's ever a man who in need of a mullet that's the guy like you just want to put one on the back of a flat top and a mullet

as a man with a closet full of overalls for sure. Oh positively. So Oster tag here then and the Utah Jazz that year, that was after they had played the Bulls in the finals in 98. Yeah, 97, 98, the year after, two years earlier. That year, for the Jazz, he starts 79 out of 79 games.

Really? He plays in all 82, starts 79, only 22.2 minutes per game so he'd be in like early and rotate out i feel like he only scores 5.3 points a game 5.5 rebounds are you kidding me you're seven feet tall fucking reach up and grab the goddamn thing drop it in yeah the team though 55 and 27 under the what looked like the a tired father of eight fucking jerry sloan jerry sloan just looked like the most tired exhausted silver-haired middle-aged went bags under his eyes ah for christ's sake but he looked great he looked like a cool ass uncle that would tell you fucking fun shit and cool jokes and couldn't pick about cutting ears off

in vietnam or something and you'd be like j, now I see why you're wrong, Uncle. Now I see what's wrong with you, Uncle Jerry. That's why you're staring out into the distance. Couldn't pick up a more perfect man to be in Salt Lake City, though. Yeah, just that. Everything's a... I love Jerry Sloan. He seems awesome.

He was so good at what he did, too. Fuck, they were good forever. He left, and look what happened. Between Brian Russell and that other fucking guy that shot threes, Shandon Anderson. Yeah, yeah. They were great. He was pretty damn impressive as a coach.

That year, they go 55-27. They were still a good team. They win the first round of the playoffs against the Sonics, so a little go fuck yourself, dear old team. That was a five-game series, and then they lose to the Trailblazers in five in the next series. That was some criminals. That was a bunch of J.R. Ryder shit. Yeah.

Yeah. Stoudemire. Strickland. Yes. Rod Strickland. We'll talk about Rod Strickland. He's a monster. We've had him almost.

We've almost done him about three times so far. So he's coming up. Don't worry. Two million bucks this year for old. That's great. So I'm not too shabby. Now he's fucking moron. November 11th, 2000.

He is charged with impersonating a police officer and disorderly conduct. You got to be kidding. Stemming from a traffic dispute in Salt Lake City. Why did they always do this? This is some Dexter Manley shit right here. Because you get angry in traffic and you have no recourse outside of pulling a person out of their car and beating the shit out of them. They have this honorary badge that they've been given. So he got that.

So yeah, he was the same thing as Dexter Manley. God damn it. He had the honorary badge. Somebody cut him off. He got pissed off, fucking chased him down, and said, I have a badge. Yeah, he flashed a badge at them, was pissed off after he got cut off in traffic.

Is that what he thought that meant? He knows better. Why did he get the badge? They give them and I don't think they go, go out and fight crime. I feel like they're like, this is, you know, you can't actually do anything.

This is just honorary. It's fun. This is us telling us we like you. We like you. You're part of the community. You get pulled over, you show it, maybe they're lenient.

Maybe they cut that ticket, but you can't pull other people over. That's not how this works. He's starting drug investigations. I've been watching here. I see the whole setup. He's calling the whole setup he's giving him the money and then this guy's handing off the shit around the corner we gotta let's get a wire up let's do this guys come on we got where's bubbles we need to put hats on drug dealers and find out who's who it's a deep deep cut wire

reference deep cut so at this point here uh yeah they're uh he's charged with this the the val the prosecutor said that he chased another motorist down after he'd been cut off in traffic that's not how it works olden but the the utah jazz president dennis haslam you'd imagine he would be pissed off about this you dumb stupid fuck why would you do that i guess it's better than pulling a gun on your girl at least you didn't pull a gun on him. It's true. But he says this is the most silver-haired middle-aged statement I've ever fucking heard in my life. This is competition for all time. Most silver statement ever.

Quote, Polonise's version of the incident affirms that he did nothing wrong and he is confident that this will be resolved shortly. I don't see this as a big deal. Confident that this will be resolved shortly. I don't see this as a big deal. Frankly, I look at Olden as a possibly a victim there that we are to think he tried to impersonate himself as a police officer is pretty silly. Impersonate himself. That makes no sense. Police officer. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

Haslam explained, quote, Olden identified himself as a member of the Utah Jazz and pulled out his wallet as as I understand it, to say, I'm Olden Polonese of the Jazz. Okay. Okay. You're seven feet tall. Right. And you're in Utah. Right. And you're black.

You don't need to. We know you play sports. There's no proof. Right. You just say, I play for the Jazz, and they go, oh, that's okay. We were really fucking, we couldn't imagine. How could we? He said, how'd we convert him?

Fuck. Not bad. So he has a wallet with one side of it has a badge and the other side has his driver's license jazz id and everybody's gonna look at that before they see a fucking badge that's what they said yeah uh not not quite i'm old and polonies okay detective polonies that's what i'm gonna say to this fucking guy but this guy fucking no problem uh a police spokesman said this isn't the first time he's done this either which is fucking amazing it's an honorary badge

from the la police it's the lapd it's not even salt lake you're out of jurisdiction why is this giant guy who plays for the jazz have a out of town badge and he's put what the fuck is happening right now probably just pulled over out of curiosity who do you think you are fucking yeah that's the you are eddie murphy you're just gonna detroit officer just gonna show up in la and now you can arrest people yeah no problem i'm gonna start i'm gonna take down the whole operation tell me more axel foley me and judge reinhold are gonna take this whole thing down. No problem. The police spokesman said that Polonese followed a couple to their home. Oh, no. Now, keep in mind, he's the victim, Holden.

Followed them to their home where he whipped out the badge, told them he was a cop, and argued with them several fucking times and then left. After that, before police arrived, they said, well, we're going to call the cops. And then he drove away and the couple wrote down his license plate number they track him down and he's arrested with one count of impersonating an officer one count of disorderly conduct for acting like an asshole in their driveway and by this time of his career he's so fucking forgettable like oh nobody cares yeah he's he's so useless to anybody's memory. This guy pulls you up, and then these people get to tell their friends, do you guys remember Olden Polonies?

Do you remember that? He still plays for the Jazz. For one year, averaging five points a game. So they don't know. And they said they didn't know who the fuck he was. He pulled me over. You guys aren't going to believe this. He followed me to my home.

He's the starting power forward. I don't know if you guys know that. Center. Starting center. Right in the middle. Right in the middle. Big guy. Somehow he's got an Oster tag on the bench. I don't know if you guys know that center starting center right in the middle right in the middle big guy somehow he's got all guy he's got an oyster tag on the bench i don't know how it happened if convicted he could get nine months in jail and more than two thousand dollars in fines and dipshit so he's sitting there at home after that fucking enraged looking for to

pull somebody over he's got his girlfriend next to him who's probably scared shitless because now he's pissed off and he's like i would rather he take it out on motorists and then and things rather than knock my fucking eye shadow into the drywall this is bad stuff he's sitting there fucking angry and when you're angry you you don't know what to do and a lot of times like people will cut their hair when they're angry or they'll do all this. He has a different reaction, though. He gets all new, all new furniture, everything. And to give it to him and knocking at his door is Dexter Manley, interior designer from New York City. And he says. How is it you've come to arrive here?

Seriously, I don't. OK, all right. You came, your feet were all crooked and weird and stuff. Like, that's right there, super weird and like not... You know, it's not sexy, I'll be honest with you right away. But you fixed it and that's good and you come here and you make all this money and everything's fine. You're pulling guns on people. What are you doing?

You're not a police officer, first of all. Number one, sir, if you want to be a police officer, you should quit your job where you make three million dollars a year and be a police officer until then you're just acting like an asshole you sir are white trash i'm sorry you are actually white i don't care if you're from haiti or africa or the north pole it doesn't matter to me white trash is white trash it's behavior and that's you sir goodbye your place is fucked place is fucked up, too. I'm sorry. All these Haitian flags everywhere. Goodbye. Poof. And a poof of purple glitter

and feathered boas. He's gone. Well, he left some jergens by the door. A little bit. Here you go. You're very ashy. You're ashing up the entire place.

I'm sorry. Okay, Dexter. Let's have a good one. Bye. Thanks, guys. Thank you, Dexter. We appreciate it. Thanks, Dexter.

He's tough to get here, but he spruced up the place while he was here, too. That's good for dexter man he's tough to get here but uh he spruced up the place while he was here too that's good for him sometimes it's tough to get rid of him he's tough to get rid of him he'll hang around a long time he likes to talk some shit you know you never know confuse the fuck out of you you never yeah that's what he does he confused olden a lot he's he blamed his ex his girlfriend his wife for it he knocked her around a little bit she said she didn't know anything about it. Whatever. So December 8th, 2000, a misdemeanor complaint is filed. This is amazing. By Mark and Patty Schneller, who were driving downtown Salt Lake City in September 13th.

This is from a few months ago. When a car speeds past them and almost hits them, Schneller responds by giving the guy the finger who cut him off. The other car stops. Okay. Now, this guy stops and gets out of the car. Olden Polonese gets out of the car, who they recognize as a member of the Utah Jazz. They're like, holy shit, that's the Utah Jazz Center.

He doesn't say, hi, I am Olden Polononise of the jazz would you like box seats to the game tonight he instead instead says quote i'm with the california sheriff's office and i could have you arrested he tells them uh and shows the badge from la they should have fucking taken it away the first time what the fuck is going on have it so that ends up happening he threatens them he flashes the badge drives away guess what they do write down his fucking license plate number and turn his ass in right and he's arrested for that his lawyer wally bob bugged in said quote all i can say right now is it's a serious matter i guess so this is the second time in a fucking month we're going to respond in court we're going

to work uh toward trying to resolve both of these cases and taking this man's fucking stupid honorary badge away from him. He's a repeat offender. He cannot stop. What are you, a child? Leave the fake badge at home. What else do you have? You put spurs on your shoes? What's going on? Idiot. You're a fucking moron. You're not the sheriff. You got a

cap gun around your waist? You're not the sheriff, dummy. Stop it. Fuck, man. Maximum penalty for this is six months in jail and an $1,850 fine. So this is not wonderful. Give him the foam, that little foam star, and then

take that Sharpie from the bat once pale, and write fucking sheriff on that. Write sheriff in charge of shit. Can pull you over and have you arrested, and and then go here you go olden why thank you and he goes i'm gonna pull people over and have them arrested so uh the 2000 2001 jazz he starts 79 games that year wow they play 81 he starts 79 you know what he averages 5.3 points a game terrible exact same as last year 79 games started 5.3 points a game. Terrible. Exact same as last year. 79 games started, 5.3 points a game, less rebounds.

4.7 rebounds a game. Jeez, that's fucking quit already. That is terrible. And he made more money, didn't he? And he made $2,200,000. God damn it. More than last year. That is 53-29 for the team.

They lose in the first round of the playoffs against the Mavericks there. So it's starting to turn downhill for the Jazz now sometime I was a good Mavericks team they were good yeah they were starting to get good at that they were starting to get fun yeah kid was gone by then what year is this no 99 2001 okay I was around the time where Nash came they trade made the switch that was when they're the both lineups of the Suns and Mavericks were just all team. Hodgepodge.

Hodgepodge of each other's teams. They just switched players. It seems fucked. It was so weird. All their free agent would sign with one and sign with the other. They'd trade between each other. It was like they had their own little league going on.

Both of them sucked. It was like, somebody stop fucking with each other. Don't sign Tom Gugliotta, please. Fuck, I know he was from the timberwolves but still you're gonna end up paying 88 million dollars over two years for nothing for a fucking white guy who sucks for a white power forward enjoy fuck you for 12 years they've always been good whenever i think of the top power forwards of the last 30 years all white oh wait never mind none of them are white that's right fuck kevinHale, and he was kind of a center.

And he was a fucking plotting piece of shit. Sorry, Celtics fans, but you know he was. He was a clumsy fuck, too. Clumsy fuck. So anyway. That whole team, whatever. It won, but it was ugly. It was rooted in clumsy white.

The whole fucking thing. Yeah, really. Well, that's Boston. Yeah. So. We love you, Boston. After last week, you can take that. You got no athletes.

That's what it is. There's nothing athletic there. There isn't. And I'm sorry. I know he's not from there. We mentioned Tom Brady. But if Tom Brady, he's fucking on whatever HGH is the new, whatever Barry Bonds was taking that was the new thing then.

The equivalent of that is now. Don't give me this shit. He's just an amazing. His diet. It's his fucking diet it's amazing he never even has a beer he won't even have one beer horse shit he'll have a beer if it's jacked with hgh he's in his fucking 40s and he's like i'm in the best shape of my life yes you know what does that drugs that's the only thing that does that hot model pussy i'll tell you

that right now he's not and he was never a top tier athlete you know he's only declined this much he was a fucking schlubby half fucking super slow shitbag non-athletic white quarterback are you fucking kidding me you can't even roll out that fucking guy you're gonna tell me he's a fuck you fuck you fuck your mother and fuck whatever the syringe going into his ass is and fuck the guy who's putting it there. I assume the same guy who deflated the footballs. Maybe he's using the same needle. Probably. Fuck both of them.

Anyway. It's under high pressure what's ever going in there. It does. It drives me nuts. Anyway, he ends up early 2001. to pay $1,000 in fines and complete 130 hours of community service and undergo anger management counseling for his road rage incidents of that shit. May 21st is when they officially give him the sentence for that. Polonise issues a public apology in that after this whole thing, he comes clean.

He says, quote, I want to be a positive role model for the community how about you apologize to the la county sheriff yeah for embarrassing them yeah and give it back to them i'd like to apologize and give publicly renounce my membership to the la sheriff's department throw that badge in a manila envelope yeah with whatever plagiarized uh apology you throw in there and then do that yeah fuck. That you photocopied off. So then he does something even stupider. June of 2001, he opts out of the final year of his contract for the Jazz. This was a $2.4 million contract.

Don't want it. This is a guy who averaged five points and four and a half rebounds a fucking game last year. I can get more somewhere else. Starting. Yeah, he said he thought it would make him more valuable. He's 36 years old and pretty much garbage. The Jazz vice president said no hard feelings. It's a business decision on his part.

He says that he still thinks there's a good chance he can play for the Jazz. Everything's going to be fine. Then July 23rd, 2001, he's charged in court with one count of assault from a golf course incident. What? This is at the Old Mill Golf Course. This takes place. He can golf. Polonese, I don't know

how. He's so goddamn tall. He hit another golfer in the face and spit on him. Which I think that's considered outside the margins of acceptable behavior at a country club, I believe. I think the spitting, the punching, the let go. But once you spit, they're like, there's no spitting on the course, sir. And they kick him off.

Spitting in Haiti is a compliment at that point. You spit on the floor and people go, thank you. That means that he likes our floor. Or it's attempted murder. Or it's attempted, yeah, you never know uh attempted murder or it's a fucking yeah you never know not in saliva jimmy jesus christ yeah but i don't want tweets going you can't get hiv from saliva we know you can't get hiv why are you spitting on cops with it these are jokes that's what happens so he was golfing with three people when he realized he lost his scorecard oh darn lost my scorecard where the fuck is it i bet icard. Where the fuck is it? I bet I can find it.

I bet if I hit that guy, it'll come out of his mouth like a Pez dispenser. Maybe that's what'll happen. So what he does, he's walking back to the previous hole when he's hit on the arm by a golf ball because he just walked on a fucking golf course.

Somebody was making a chip shot. It wasn't a drive. It was a little chip shot bounced off his arm. It didn't hurt him. He got super pissed off, though, and attacked this guy. They said that Polonise went chest to chest with this other guy

and then Olden pushed the guy and Olden ends up punching him in the face and spitting on him. Wow. Punching him in the face and the ribs and then spit on him

as he lay on the ground. Where was that dude's golf club? Yeah, no shitty. You just chipped, bro. Hey, motherfucker, get back. He probably put it back in his bag and then started walking. And then this guy's in his face. But yeah, he said that they punched him in the ribs and face and dropped the guy and

then spit on him while he's on the ground like a fucking mob boss. Where's my school card, motherfucker? Yeah, who just killed a rat. Like, what the fuck is happening? A lawyer for Polonise, of course, said that's absolutely ridiculous. Obviously, a normal golfer saw a seven foot tall giant man and said, fuck you, bro. I'm going to fuck you up. And then, you know, Olin had to defend himself. That's how it works here.

He said that the that these three companions and this other man surrounded old and because you find the biggest guy. It's like prison. Right. That's what the golf course is like. It's like prison. When you get a foursome together, you've got to find the biggest guy on the course, surround him like a pack of fucking wolves, and fuck him up.

And that way you establish supremacy. It's not lowest scorecard. No. It's biggest dude slaughtered. How do you think handicaps are established? They're by how many large men you handicap, meaning put in a wheelchair. So they're giving it their best shot. They said that this is what happened.

This was nothing. Then the lawyer says, quote, this was nothing more or nothing less than some guys in the sandbox not playing nicely. Oh, my God. Or assaulting a smaller man and spitting on him after you assault him. Olden says he doesn't understand what happened. He said that he was mad and the guy said he tried to apologize to Polonese for hitting him with the golf ball and he wouldn't accept the apology. He just wanted to pummel him.

So there we go. They said it's a he said, she said type of situation. It's also all the witnesses that saw it. So it's all of them said or him. It's also he and bloody he said that's the other thing one man has spit on him so i think we can fucking whoever's got spit on him is telling the truth there's a guy that's out cold and and has saliva all over his face yeah yeah yeah so that's fucking funny and polonise says in court his excuse is that someone's trying to take advantage of his status as a professional athlete to get money. The court says, well, if you know, no, you punched him.

I don't think he said, I bet I can get him to punch me. Watch this and then hit a golf ball into him because he'd be a fucking professional if he could do that. He is Johnny Knoxville. Yeah. And it's funny. They asked Kevin O'Connor, the jazz vice president. Keep in mind, this is a month after this idiot opted out of 2.4 Garrett, which the jazz probably went, oh, thank fuck. We don't have to pay this idiot.

This is what he says. Quote, he is certainly not under contract and being paid by us. He's not a member of the Utah Jazz right now, so it would be unfair for me to comment on that at all. He said, I don't know shit. Don't look at me. Not on this fucking team. Next. That's next question.

Matter of fact, his $2.4 million wash bonused me $100,000. I have no idea who that is. No shit, dude. Yeah, I'm happy. Happy to get it, though. June 25, 2002, he's in court. He's convicted of the misdemeanor assault for the golf course incident, which we talked about. Fucking unreal.

He said he felt threatened because there was four men in the group he admitting pushing pushing the man twice and once in the face but he didn't say he punched and spit on him pushed a man in the face yeah he said he mushed him basically that's that's a pretty aggressive that's inside yeah you you deserve to get punched in the face after that the jury did not believe him obviously because he's enormous and the other guy's like 5'10", you know, and not in professional athlete shape. He faces up to six months in jail

and a $1,000 fine when he's sentenced. He ends up not getting any of that, though. October 15, 2002, the 76ers sign him. They're going to give him a goddamn shot. He says, quote, as soon as I heard the lady on the phone saying, give Coach Brown a call, I don't even think I waited to hear the last number.

He said, I just wanted the opportunity to get back into the NBA. It was Larry Brown, not Hugh McBride. Yeah, Larry Brown. I still feel like I have so much to offer, and I'm just really glad I'm being given an opportunity here. He says, Larry just wants me to come in and work hard and play, and that's the same thing I guaranteed him.

That I'll give 150% every night. What I can provide to this team is some toughness, rebounding, defense. These things are the trademarks of mine, things I know I can do. I'm not like Kentucky Fried Chicken trying to do hamburgers. I'm going to do chicken. All right. That's it. So he's going to do chicken.

150%, James. 150%. Not 110. That's called chicken effort right there. That's what I call chicken effort. Give that your best chicken try. And that's a lot of effort. I'm going to give you the breast, not the wing.

That's right. He said he reconnected with his family in the off time and the time he's had off. I said he did a lot of babysitting, spending time with his kids. He said, quote, a lot of babysitting, a lot of spending time with my kids. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. What? I had to sit with my kids, which I thought was going to be shitty, and I didn't even drown any of them. Like, what?

As much as I missed basketball, there were bigger things in my life. Wow, I guess so. You know, I've punched their mom so many times, they look just like her, right? Yeah. And I thought that when I'd see him, I'd be like, I have to punch this kid. I'm going to punch this kid. It came out of her. Didn't even pull a gun on him. I never pulled a gun. I didn't threaten him'd see him I'd be like I have to punch this kid it came out of her I didn't threaten him to shoot him in the leg

didn't even show him a badge the one hit me with a ball one time didn't punch him or spit on him which is pretty impressive because I wanted to spit I'll tell you that I was really impressed with myself I wanted to kick him down because he's close to the ground but then I was going to spit he says though he's ready

he's ready to go he is just wants to get in game shape, and he's ready to fucking rip it up. And then right before the season, the Sixers release him. Amazing. He doesn't play for them for shit. In late 2002, he ends up with the Harlem Globetrotters. Oh, no. He plays with them. This is when the Globetrotters tried to be serious again.

Late 90s and 2000s, they'd still do some tricks but they would actually like beat the shit out of college teams oh yeah shit like that like they would actually like they're actually good again kind of because they just got silly for a long time yeah but it's like how many fucking tricks with the basketball can you do now it's just a bunch of guys with cool uniforms that actually are good so uh he's played for them actually when they were in a good period uh he also this is when he starts hooking up with some lousy teams here, 2002-2003, he hooks up with the Grand Rapids Hoops. Oh, no.

Ooh, not good here. What has he done? Grand Rapids, Michigan. Their first season was 1989, final season 2003, this year, defunct basketball team. February 10, 2003, he fails to appear in call in court for a retrial on his assault charge and the judge reinstates his original conviction so he won a retrial and then didn't show up for it tell me he appealed for a fucking retrial and they said okay this day and he went ah fuck it never mind worst decisions now have started since he said

i don't want 2.4 million i don't want that that at all. That's stupid. So, fuck, man. How do you go to fucking Grand Rapids after the Utah Jazz? That's off. And the Globetrotters, at least they're famous. I mean, that's kind of a cool thing. But how do you wind up in the Grand Rapids basketball team? He's sentenced to serve the original two years probation for the misdemeanor charge of the golf course incident.

Here, it's also 240 hours of community service, anger management classes. Again, he's becoming a regular there, and also he's ordered to pay a fine. And on top of all that, he's very busy. Grand Rapids hoops, fines, not showing up for retrials, playing for the Pennsylvania Valley Dogs of the USBL, located in Whitehall Township, Pennsylvania.

Jesus. Holy shit. They operate from 99 to 2006 which is shocking that they ever did that insane randy moss suited up for one game with them scoring seven points you took the minnesota vikings white out yep on may 21st no this was may 21st 2001 yeah yeah he was still at the top of his game here. Former Survivor contestant Gervais Peterson became co-owner of this team. Oh, no. And later that year in 2006, after he bought the team, or she, is it a guy? I don't know. I have no fucking idea. Your boss ate a Madagascar hissing beetle.

And you're excited about it. That's what you did. What the fuck? You're like, I shit in a hole for three weeks. Respect me. Like, I don't think so. I threw a dart at a target to try to stay on the island. Yeah. You're like, I shit in a hole for three weeks. Respect me. Like, I don't think so. I threw a dart at a target to try to stay on the island.

Yeah. That's a bunch of basketball players. And I'm the guy that you answer to. I sign your checks. What, you have confidence in me that I have a good business model? No, I don't. I want a Pontiac Aztec. Oh, Jesus. Yeah.

Right there. That's everything. Never mind shitting in the hole. Unbelievable. Shitting in the Aztec is better. Just shit right into the moonroof. So later that year, though, this Peterson encountered financial difficulties and the team folded. So they were like, they didn't survive that shit.

That's pretty fucking funny that the survivor guy kills a fucking team, does not survive a season with them. It's replaced by the Albany Patroons. Oh, no. The Albany Patroons. Oh, no. They did win the USBL Championship in 2004. And 2003, they won the Eastern Division Finals but lost the championship series there. That makes sense. Also, he played for the Gary Steelheads.

Yeah, for the International Basketball League. Indiana? I believe it's Gary, Indiana. They played their home games at the genesis convention center and they uh were the eastern conference champions of the 2006 whatever the fuck doesn't and they're defunct in 2008 so it doesn't matter during this time uh olden finds religion does he uh which is another crime and sports rule that he's breaking now he has not named a son junior thankfully but he definitely finds religion in here and there's no way he's going back home no no no no no no he finds jesus he's all about jesus uh he's in court april 9th 2003 uh he had just spent two two days in jail for his previous shit that was that went on for missing the retrial and all that shit and this is he's in court to plead guilty for disturbing the peace in the

hallway of the court the last time he was in court when he had a confrontation with city attorney laura miller when she was prosecuting him for the golf course she's a woman he'll punch her that's the thing well what he did was uh he fucking chased her down into the hallway yelling obscenities at her after the hearing which which you are not allowed to menace a prosecutor, especially in the hallway, chasing them, yelling obscenities at them. You're not allowed to do that. The judge said, quote, You may not chase a public official down the hallway yelling obscenities. It makes the community uncomfortable. It makes everyone uncomfortable.

He says that this is funny. He gets out of this when he's done he goes outside to reporters and tells him trouble with the law are over I'm good now he says from now on I'll just run away from situation well don't be the aggressor he pays

his fine he's pleads guilty as he's pleading guilty to this infraction with the prosecutor the defense attorney said you plead guilty right Olden He pleads guilty as he's pleading guilty to this infraction with the prosecutor. The defense attorney said, you plead guilty, right, Olden? And Polanyi said, quote, I don't feel good about it, but I plead guilty. Shut the fuck up. Please.

I don't feel good about it. I don't feel good about admitting that I'm a piece of shit. But yeah, I did it. He told the judge that he was offended because Miller called him a quote, an angry black man during the last trial, which you probably shouldn't say in court. Yeah. But you still you say that you yell at the judge that that's fucked up. You have your lawyer object.

You don't chase them into the hallway, causing yourself more legal problems. Although you shouldn't probably call someone an angry black man while you're prosecuting them. So I just feel like that's kind of a racist thing. Angry man is fine. That'll do. Tagging it with black. I just feel like that's kind of a racist thing. Angry man is fine. That'll do. Tagging it with black. I don't think that's necessary.

Yeah. You just say angry man and point at him. Oh, yeah, yeah, the black guy. Angry seven foot tall man. That's worse. What's more to this? This is what's funny to this woman. Yeah.

Black is more scary than ginormous. That's fucking that's racist. That's the fucking core of race. Like, I'm more scared of someone because they're black than because they're enormous and can crush me and break me in half. That means you're fucking super racist. So not great there. Yeah. He says he got pissed off at that.

And Miller maintained that she referred to him only as an angry seven foot man. And he says it was a black man. There should be court records that will clear that right up. There's a stenographer that did that shit in shorthand yeah well and also he says that in the hallway polonise said that he hated living in utah because of people like you and she replied quote then why don't you leave yeah like you have enough fucking money out of here you crazy man so yeah he said that uh he said that miller was telling him that he was not welcome here and that i ought to get out of Salt Lake City. Quote, I was offended.

I am an American. I have rights, too. I refuse to be run out of this city. I love this city. There are some good people here. Good. Like there was people with pitchforks running about. There was one lady that said, if you don't like it, then leave.

She's an asshole. After you've scared her. Yeah. She's an asshole. So what? August 4, 2003, he signs as a free agent with the clippers why would they sign him what are they doing what would you sign a 40 year old fucking guy who hasn't played in two years and suck the last time he played globetrotters

then the hoops and the steelheads ridiculous it's over for him he said quote if this is my final year in the nba then that's what it is i would hope it is he said he's found religion during the two seasons not in the league and he says quote it's not up to me anymore the big man has the plan quote you're the big man if yeah no shit if he says it's my last year as far as the nba then i'll go overseas and play i'm not done playing i'm in great shape i look at kevin willis he's 41 years old and still playing for the spurs so i know i can get at least two three more years in whether it's in the nba or somewhere else. Yeah. But remember that Kevin Willis was the strongest man in the NBA at one point. He hung on to that for so long. Yeah. This

was a different story. That's an entirely different dude. He said, the main motivation was I wasn't done. That was it in a nutshell. I wasn't done. I wasn't retired. I just couldn't get on a team. Well, neither can I. I'm not retired either, but I'm having trouble landing a spot on a team. If anyone's interested, sign me for a 10-day contract. Give me a run. Give me a try. I have a hoop in the backyard. I've been practicing lately with my

son. He's only 11, but he's played some good Ds. Sticky. He's got a good elbow in my ribs. That's why I went to the CBA Globetrotters and the USBL. I love playing basketball, so I was willing to do whatever I had to do just to stay in shape and keep playing. It's basically the love of the game. That year, this Clippers is the Matt Barnes, Elton Brand, Chris Kamen, Glenn Rice, Olden

Polonese, as we've talked about glenn rice and he was lots of detail at that point cory mcgetty it's over for him yeah eddie house the asu guy who sucked in the whatever well he went he got a championship motherfuckers in miami i think right yeah miami i believe boston shit now i don't remember uh he married he married uh that's right yeah it's a little little weird royalty yeah basketball bizarre weird basketball children so he plays this t he plays this year up until february 26th when he is waived by the clippers so he doesn't make it the whole year but he makes 1 million 70 000 which is not too fucking shabby not do no and the

team ends up finishing 28 and 54 so it doesn't fucking matter anyway they were terrible that year call it a wash on your fucking coffin and getting out of Utah not bad you made that money back he only plays in two games that year for them starts zero averages six minutes of game in these

two games has 0.0 points and has one total rebound 1.7 one rebound in each game so two total rebounds 1.7 million dollars one point no 1 million 70 000 so still still over a million dollars give me a half a million i'll do i'll duplicate those i could not i can score zero points i could get a rebound by accident absolutely bounce come to you anybody could get that once again your grandmother could score no points and have a ball hit her in the chest and ever catch a million dollars phoenix i'm in i'm in let's go sign us both yeah and you know what they could use it for the draw we get

more people than they get a few people in the building for him so this year he is done in the nba his career stats he plays in 1058. He averaged 23.5 minutes a game. He averages 7.8 points a game in his career. 6.7 rebounds, 1.1 blocks. Not great. That's his career. That's his career stats. Not Hall of Fame worthy.

Well, actually, I looked on basketballreference.com, where it has your Hall of Fame probability based on a complicated math algorithm. Yeah. And his Hall of Fame probability is 0.0%. So I would say pretty strong bet

that he's not going. That is tough. Not bad. That's rough. Not even a glimmer of hope. He's made so much money, though. Total money made $21,190,000.

Which is pretty fucking good. Wow. Not bad. Almost in the bad one's bin. Almost in the bad one's bin. Over $20 million. That's over $20 million he ends up making, which is fucking not bad for a disabled kid from Haiti. That's pretty fucking good.

2004, he plays again. He plays for a few teams here. It's the Long Beach Jam, I think he plays for a few teams here it's the Long Beach Jam I think he plays for they end up turning into the Bakersfield Jam and then the Northern Arizona Suns now that's what they are in 2016 they moved up there in Prescott Valley I had no idea they had a team up there

also played for the Michigan Mayhem they're from Muskegon, Michigan that's the CBA again, Continental, not Canadian. They play their home games at the LC Walker Arena. And they announced on June 22, 2006, that they would not return for a third season. Another defunct team. 2005, he is the player-slash-assistant coach of the Los Angeles Aftershock of the ABA. It's a team in the ABA.

The only season was 2004-2005 and then they folded. And also the Long Beach Breakers. At that point he does some coaching playing for 2005. All these teams have folded. I feel like a lot of it's

his fault even though it's not. Men have been spit on and punched. Women have been guns pulled on them, had their makeup smeared on the drywall. People have been chased down in fucking traffic. Teams have wasted millions of dollars. I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy, but not nearly as bad as thankfully fucking nobody named Alden Polonese. There's no one else on earth. I don't I feel as bad for him because he's ugly and his name's Alden Polonese. There's no one else on earth. I feel as bad for him

because he's ugly and his name's Alden Polonese. I feel worse and worse for everybody in the NBA that wasted that much money on this man. That's what I mean. They have to feel like we wasted that. That money is pissed away. That $2.4 million had to be the best feeling $2.4 million.

I hope they bought some beautiful house and just called it the Olden Palace or something. At that point, he was still married to Rachel. They had sons, Nicholas and Chase, and they had two daughters, Alexis and Gabriella. And he also had two daughters from previous relationships. Six kids. Six kids. Tiara and Armani from the previous relationships. So May 21st, 2013, uh somebody tweets a reporter tweets source

uh confirms clippers have told vinnie del negro he will not be offered a new contract as head coach back then olden responds with at this person quote i'm available i can do for clippers what mark jackson did for warriors no you can't. Hashtag new blood. I can get some of the greatest players of this era on that team. You know it. I will pull guns on them and spit on them. I will force Steph Curry to shoot threes for us. I can do it.

So no one says anything. So then he responds again and says, quote, I actually have coaching experience. Unlike Mark when he was hired. So now he's, please somebody respond to me. Yeah, and they weren't I think he had two likes on that last one he did, so it didn't quite work out for him that way. He's not very good. He's at

oldenpolonise1. So he's pretty boring. He doesn't do much. October 18, 2013, they have a goodwill mission, the NBA Retired Players Association. They go on a goodwill mission to Haiti and he goes there

too with a bunch of different players and a bunch of alumni of the NBA, Harlem Globetrotters and WNBA in case they wanted to be, in case there were some sleep problems there and they needed that. They also included Mario Elie, who was a Haitian, which I had no fucking idea he was Haitian.

Olden Polonise, LaRue Martin, Dwight Davis, Harvey Ketchings, and Eldridge Rekansner, who was on the Hawks there. Now, SportyInsider.com has the 21 worst draft picks of all time, and Olden is number six on that one not great could have had a bunch of really good players after him number six number six all time greg odin is number one by the way yeah obviously those knees really fucked him yeah he was fucked there uh november 5th or november of 2015 he says he has his dream job his dream job he's serving his second year as an ambassador for the 31 Days Project, an annual campaign held to educate the public about disability employment issues, which impact nearly 20% of U.S. citizens, according to him. He quotes President Obama saying Americans with disabilities make up almost one fifth of our population, but are unemployed at a rate that is twice that of people without disabilities.

He says that in an attempt to decrease this ratio, 31 days encourages employers to make a concerted effort to take action and employ qualified individuals with disabilities for 31 days every October. And then go right back to right back to turning their chair around and wheeling them out the door when they come back in. Right back to throwing that chair around and wheeling them out the door when they come back in. Right back to throwing that application in the garbage. Yep. He says one of his favorite past experiences has been hosting youth basketball camps that, quote, integrate mentally and physically challenged individuals with non-mentally and physically challenged individuals. How do you do that via basketball? How do you have physically challenged people playing basketball with people with no physical disabilities that's not the same around screaming cunt yeah can't play that's not the same can't keep his attention while people are just dunking

running drills back and forth up across the floor that's drop kicking the ball screaming cunt jesus christ man uh i want to watch that that is more exciting than the wmba i to watch that. That is more exciting than the WNBA. I will watch that game. That would be fucking exciting. You got a point there. He says that the camps reduce the stigma of people that are associated with people with disabilities by creating a positive environment. He said, quote, all the kids had fun and became friends. It really made a difference. Even though a lot of kids weren't skilled, these kids were fucking terrible.

He said it was just a way to bring kids together. He said it's important to him that he's practicing what he's preaching. He says it's about following that path on a consistent basis. What I'm talking about is what I do on a daily basis. It's not a one-time thing. Just like getting arrested. I have not been arrested every day, so it's

fine. He does like... I'm sorry, what's that? There's one organization that just hires everybody with a handicap, and that is the WNBA. Yeah, they do. They don't have a dick. That's a handicap. That's like the most terrible dad joke.

If you could put dad jokes in a bazooka wrapper, that would be it. What's the one profession where everybody's got a disability? The WNBA. None of them have dicks. Wee-hoo, bing-ding-diddle-dee-doo. And then you fucking blow on your jug and that's what that sounded like. And that fucking organization is awful. Oh, man.

He likes to gamble. So he's a man of God, except on the poker table and he'll throw down and take your fucking rent money at that point he says he's so good at it yeah he confidently says quote it's like cheating i can't say who it is they asked which who big names he's one off of playing post poker but he said you've got to read my book which has not come out okay can't wait to hear it he He talked about somebody. He said that yeah, I've taken a couple people. I've taken Martin Lawrence, Heavy D, may he rest

in peace. Mark Jackson. I mean, I've taken a lot of guys, but I always give them their money back. Why would he give them their money back? You do not. Why are you playing the game? Why would you do that? That's bullshit. Also, why are you taking more shots at Mark Jackson? What did Mark Jackson ever do to him?

He can't coach and he sucks at poker. I have coaching experience and I'll fuck him up at poker. Tell you what, Mark, let's play poker for the Golden State Warriors job. What do you say? Maybe that's how Kirk got it. Why does he hate him so much? I don't understand it. He goes on to discuss his encounters with Michael Jordan.

He said he played all those guys. He played all those guys like Magic Johnson. I mean, that's what we do. We all love playing cards. We love gambling. Yeah, that's what all NBA players do is play cards and gamble on the planes. I've heard that. About Jordan, he said, quote, he's just good at everything.

That's him. He's good at everything. We saw during his basketball career that he didn't like to lose, and that's what made him so great. We can't all win, though. So, yeah, I guess not. I don't know. Mike's been winning for fucking years. He's been winning for a long time.

Apparently not on the golf course, but in poker he's not bad. June of 2016, he's talking shit about LeBron. Oh, my God. He says, quote, he's not on that mountaintop. Stop it. He's got some great numbers. He's done some great things. I'm just saying as far as killer

instinct he doesn't have that he's still up there he's still up there somewhere in the city he's really good he's a really good player but i'm not calling him the greatest of all time he said he said even though reggie miller never won a championship i'm taking reggie miller over lebron james in an nba finals game because i know reggie is going to give me in the moment when we're down you're out of your fucking mind. You know who wouldn't take that? Reggie Miller. Yeah.

He'd say, you're a fucking moron. I would take one LeBron over three of me. All I did was shoot three-pointers. I looked like a skeleton that had been like a fucking skeleton marionette that you taught to shoot three-pointers. Also, fuck that.

Olden, you scored seven points average for your career. Shut the fuck up. Sointers. Also, fuck that. Olden, you've scored seven points average for your career. Shut the fuck up. So ridiculous. October of 2017, he's hanging out at the opening night for the Reno Bighorns of the G League.

The first thousand fans in attendance will get a special Kings t-shirt with more giveaways and special entertainment planned throughout the game. The Kings and Bighorns will also be hosting a special Junior Kings Clinic at the Boys and Girls Club of Truckee Meadows. Oh, my God. White trash shit. Olden Polonese will be helping with the clinic, which will teach the fundamentals of basketball and healthy habits and to keep the safety on your gun when you yell at your girlfriend and threaten her.

Can't get enough old and polonies? Holy shit. Holy shit. I can't believe this. Basketball cards all over eBay. They're like 99 cents. I found an autograph, 92, 93 basketball card when he was on the Pistons. It's 799.

Buy it now. Not bad. 350 shipping. Seven dollars. Same amount of points. He scored. Yeah. Fucking career. Not bad. $3.50 shipping. $7. Same amount of points he scored. Yeah. Fucking career.

Not bad. Wow. If you really can't get enough, though, Amazon.com has an Old and Polony 76ers black game worn road jersey. Yeah. $500. Oh, I thought you were going to say $5. $500 plus $13.60 shipping. Only one order left in stock $5. $500 plus 1360 shipping.

Only one order left in stock, Jimmy. Only one. Go get it. You're going to miss it, Jimmy. Come on. Don't buy that. And if you really can't get enough, go to, I think it's athletespeakers.com. Oh, God.

And you can hire Olden Polonese to come wherever you want and talk to everybody about overcoming disabilities and never quitting never saying die and also if a guy hits you with a golf ball fuck him up because he meant that that shit was disrespectful fuck that guy anyway ever cuts you off in traffic uh i'm gonna photocopy this this this badge right here for you pretend you're a cop just tell them down you'll never get arrested for no one ever takes your license plate number and goes seven foot tall cop i don't think so that's olden polonise holy shit no one ever knew about any of that shit we didn't know what a crazy bastard he was he said you can read my book later

yeah and then he never came out he just hasn't he hasn't found that screenplay from 93 you read it it's just shack's book you're like he didn't go to LSU what's going on here I don't understand any of this he was in blue chips? yeah he's like was he in blue chips? I don't think he was in blue chips so that's olden polities thank you guys for listening if you want to help us out if you like that story

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Things you can find there would be merchandise, shirts, cups, mugs, all that type of shit. New stuff coming every day. Also, any day now, tour information will pop up. We gave you all the cities earlier. And if you also want to find some links on that page, they will take you over to patreon.com slash crime in sports, which is where you go if you want to make a donation and become one of our producers. We have a long list of and who we love and respect and want to hug and make meals for and bring them breakfast in bed. But keep our eyes closed because we don't want to be weird about it.

I don't want to see anything. No, no, no. We're just like a butler. Very formal. Or you can go over to... Tell me about your last name. That's what we'll do. Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or whatever you prefer.

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Use our email address, crimeandsports at gmail.com to get a hold of us. You can get a hold of us at CrimeAndSports on Twitter and Facebook and all that stuff, at Small Town Murder on Instagram. And all those links are at ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com. But never mind all that, Jimmy. I would like you to hold a gun on me and whip out your badge and read me like my rights the list of list of the favorite, goddamn, most wonderful people in the world. Hit me with it, Jimmy. This week's executive producers are Gavin McFarlane, Frankie, no, Frank Tripotti.

Oh, yeah. Frank Tripotti. Thank you. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Tripotti. I like Tripotti. Hey, Frankie Tripotti.

I figure he's super Italian. The problem is he comes like Paul Calhoun to clean out your shit pipes and it's a competition. So, you know. We've got to keep him on the low. That's right. Keep him down low. But he's a great man. Thank you. Jackie Schumacher, TJ Daly, Michael Stein, Melanie Steinley.

Oh, yes. She's wonderful. Craig Cole and Greggy J. Thank you guys so, so much. Thank you so much for everything. Thank you. Milena? Yeah, Milena. Milena Slater. Is that an A? Fuck. I think it is. Milenaater uh vincent giardelli yes uh thanks by zon katie you know kate ives kelly higby sean hartley kate myers rachel pack

uh colleen shambaugh yes shambaugh cool it's probably shambaugh all right whatever owen witherspoon preston letterman uh pa Ruwest, of course, Amanda McKelvey. Thank you again. Amy Nicole upped her donation. Thank you, Amy. Thank you so much. We appreciate it. Catherine Brinker.

She also upped hers, I believe. Geez, thanks, guys. Under the Sea Fabrics, Janae Compton, Eric Mauger, Jesse Hartman. Again, every week that guy comes through. Thank you so much. Paul Saunders, Rachel Kiskaden, Richard Rose, Donna Sittler. I almost called her Sittler. That wasn't very nice.

No, no. She's probably been called that before. I'm sure she has. Jay Bart Carpenter, Todd Crago, Alex East, Lucas Minton says some terrible things about me. And they gave us money. That was nice. Thank you so much. Thank you, Lucas.

I remember that one. That was funny. That's kind of a dicky thing to say to me. Okay. And then fucking, but here's some money. Here's some cash, so we'll make it all better. It was like Sonny Corleone beat you up and broke your camera and then threw a couple of fucking bucks on him.

Buy a new camera. Hey, clean yourself up, kid. I kind of admire that. So good job, Sonny. Zulamar Lucina. Cool. Samantha Borgi. Bryant Tool.

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She's terrific. Yeah, she is. Thanks, Margie. She's been listening since the start. Victoria Jernigan, Brittany Nichols, Emma Casson. It's Casson. Yeah. Paula Salamanca. Fucking damn it.

Paula Salamanca. Paula fucking damn it. Jesus Christ. That's a name. Paula Salamanca. That's a name. There youula sala fucking damn it jesus christ that's a name salamanca that's there you go that's a damn good name that's tough uh john love or low i think it's low that's right holly hoffman laura wood eric waters william mclean connie christian uh and connie actually uh wanted me to say happy birthday to kyler christian well happy birthday kyler wanted me to do happy birthday to you yeah uh fuck uh hannah simmons uh i've lost my place with a happy brianna denue uh eland for forceland yes forceland it's too close you almost said foreskin i can see your eyes going please don't say foreskin please don't say foreskin that's too close and she probably she's probably

dealt with that her whole fucking life. I'm sorry, Elan. Lucky Jean. Monge Senga, who's going through some tough stuff. Monge. Sorry, Monge. We love you, brother. Hey, Monge.

We got your back always, man. You're fantastic, buddy. You are the man, Monge. Roe Slingleff. Yes, Roe Slingleff. Dave Anderson. Craig McGeechan. I think I said that already.

Laura Yarnell. Leah Kelly. Ted Cyrus. Willie B. Sean Hartley. Jess Landgren said that already. Laura Yarnell. Leah Kelly. Ted Cyrus. Willie B. Sean Hartley. Jess Landgren's going through some shit, too. Hey, sorry to hear that, Jess. It's really nice of you guys to reach out.

All of our favorite people, damn it. You guys reach out and tell us when you're having struggles. Tiffany Robertson does that, too, about her struggles and everything. It's nice to have you guys around, and we're pulling for it. Thank you, guys. Keep going. We're here for you if you need us. Well, we really probably can't help you at all.

As much as we can, you know. We'll make five hours a show, and hopefully you'll laugh a little. I'll give you 10 minutes of banging on a keyboard to tell you I'm sorry. That's good. Barbara Felker, Ben Sidry, Jess Langer, and Barbara Felker. I said that. Why do I keep doing that same line? What is wrong with you?

Like a stroke. Get your head out of your ass jeffney jean baptiste uh yasmin shodry uh holly barnes um jake labir uh access access apparel i don't know what that is i didn't google it so google it up fuckers send us some shirts you fuck yeah there you go uh key sardi um lewis t lewis tedrick tedrick yes uh michaela smith melissa coil alexa ariana folsom she tells me to tell you guys to google her i don't know what that means maybe she's on a porn site google her go google who knows maybe she or maybe she has a candle company we have no idea one or the other either boobs or candles you're gonna find one either way your house will smell nice uh true

eric michael's uh showers uh i guess he does uh kim shang uh who i imagine is asian i'm guessing just kim shang yeah it's becoming very fun to guess the yeah i'm gonna go with asian now i mean i'm not an expert but i'm gonna say asian todd miller cameron blanche nathan little uh donna birch kelsey uh kelsey hebert's back hey thanks kelsey, Kelsey. Crystal Dinger. Sarah Shefalo. Fuck. Marcus White. That's what it is. Ashley Vio.

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Which is delicious. And Chuck Cook. And if you guys want to see me at the tell some dumb dick jokes, if you're in Phoenix, you can find me at the House of Comedy this weekend with Jesse May Peluso. Come out and hang out. Thank you, folks, so goddamn much. You're amazing. So fucking much. Honestly, we can't thank you enough.

That means the world to us, these donations. They really keep us alive. They push us. They keep us going, and they keep it so we can— They push us like an angry olden Polonese. Like an angry retired olden Polonise on a golf course. So we can't thank you guys enough. And what if somebody wanted to hunt you down on the golf course, Jimmy, where can they

reach you? You can push me around it at, uh, at Wisman sucks. W H I S M A N sucks on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. And I appreciate you guys being nice or mean. I don't care. I just appreciate you guys being around. That's it. And I am at Jimmy P is funny.

You can find me there or just copy and paste my name from the show description and find me on Facebook or whatever, because it's really long and it's a pain in the ass to spell. Do that. Thank you guys so much for listening. This week was a goddamn fun week. I can't believe that. We have a lot of stuff going on show wise and behind the scenes wise. It's a lot of stuff going on.

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