Crime in Sports - #129 - A Surprise In His Pants - The Ashamedness of Gary Charles

Episode Date: August 27, 2018

This week, we keep being surprised by our subject's antics... until it isn't surprising anymore. He was undersized, but scrappy, and had a chance to have a great, and long career, but injuries derailed all of that. Well, injuries, and a whole lot of booze. His drinking leading to unspeakable acts of public embarrassment, ridicule & jail time. He's a disaster, which is bad for him & those around him, but he's a gold mine for our purposes!!Run your coach a bath, drink your career away, and sit in your own filth with Gary Charles!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanDonate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.comGo to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!Contact us on...twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's an all-new season. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. Hello, and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I am Jimmy Westman. Thank you, folks, so much for joining us again on another insane, crazy, booze-soaked edition

of Crime and Sports. It's always booze. When is it not? It's only not booze-smoked, booze-soaked when it's crack-smoked. That's the only time it's either booze-soaked or crack-smoked. Driving sports. That's our new motto. Even when they sprinkle just weed into it, there's still a shitload of booze.

There's going to be booze or coke or something like that. But, yeah, we have a crazy English nutcase. Oh, fantastic. Alcoholic lunatic. You know, your typical. Seems like every English, every British or Australian athlete we do is just a lunatic alcoholic in the streets running amok. Basically, that's par for the course.

They're all drunk. Yeah, they are all drunk. They're all pickled. That's kind of part of this is the whole culture of it. Never mind all that. Which is not negative, by the way. I'm pickled. That's fine.

Yeah, you're having a beer right now. I'm drinking at the moment. No, that's fine. Guys, thank you so much for your iTunes reviews this week. We appreciate the shit out of that. If you haven't done it yet, I don't know what the hell you're doing. Please show support for the show by going and giving us five stars on Apple Podcasts or iTunes or whatever the hell you listen on. Give the format.

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Do that. You can find tour dates on there as well for Small Town Murder. And there's a huge tour coming up and you can check that out. Crime and sports people. Some of you care. Most of you, about 90% of you listen to small town murder anyway. So you'll hear that over there. And the rest of you that don't care, fuck it.

We're moving on. Anyway, with that said, let's get into this episode. Our show sounds like a piece of shit. And it is not. It is not. It's so good. We crush on the charts. We do fantastic.

We do. It's just shocking how many more listen to Small Town. Especially when we say you should listen to crime and sports. It's just like this. It's you don't have to like sports. And they go, I don't really like sports. And they don't listen. You're like, fuck.

God damn it. Just give it a fucking chance. It's not about sports. You fucking asshole. Jesus fucking Christ. I swear to God, I'm saying this to you people who are listening. So you're not those people. So I don't know, I'm saying this to you people who are listening. So you're not those people. So I don't know why I'm yelling at you about it.

But that's the type of fucking mood I'm in because that's how we. And live. This show is fucking banana. This show is. It is. Crime and sports. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous live.

But guess what? Not enough of you to book a fucking tour. So you could be laughing so hard, but it's not going to happen now. We have like one live show for this, and we can't even tell you about it yet because it's so far in the future. And that's it. And we don't plan on booking any fucking more unless something crazy happens. But small town murder, we can't stop. Fuck, they're coming out of our ass to the point where we can't even keep up with it.

And so, yeah. That one's going worldwide. Other countries every day begging for us to come there. Yeah. Never heard a single person from England begging for crime. Oh, they ask for it, but we know that there wouldn't be enough of them. Or maybe over there they'd gather it together. I feel like over there, they're very hardcore.

They'd, like, drag people there. Like, come on, mates. We're going to crime and fucking sports. And there'd be 45 fucking people. Come on. They'd get them all shit out. They'd be like, let's go. Or I'll pickle. I'll buy the pints, and then that's it.

It's on. They're fucking in there. Australia, forget it. Buzz would organize the whole country. I have full faith that Buzzbee would have a full campaign. He'd be going on television like he was running for office. Hello. I mock Buzzbee.

Have you heard of crime and sports? Listen, you bunch of fuckabouts. Get in the tank. We're all going. So, well, here we are speaking of england our our fellow this week is an englishman yeah uh it is uh gary andrew charles uh gary charles is a soccer player jimmy's looking at me i don't know who that is we don't know we don't know who he is he can't be named gary charles gary and charles gary andrew charles you can mix those up in a bag and throw them back out like dice and however they come out sure charles gary andrew whatever great same thing andrew gary charles great that's great andrew charles gary fine done it's all the same doesn't

fucking matter so uh he's got a grab bag kind of a name gary charles apparently over there he's pretty famous we've gotten so many people asking for this episode. Yeah, the Brits really push hard when they want an episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which is cool. I love that. But a ton of people have asked for Gary Charles. This has been a very popular one. America is different than that. I mean, obviously.

But in that little bit, when an American athlete fucks up, we'll get three or four notifications. Yeah. But when Ben Cousins jams more meth up his ass, my phone won't shut the fuck up for 10 minutes jesus it was a ben cousins barrage if you don't know ben cousins update and we're too nice to be like yeah we know yeah every time they're excited about it so they're excited we want them to be excited that ben cousins had meth up his ass again how do you how are you not excited about that i'm excited i was fucking jacked when i heard heard pocket expands james yeah even more meth this time the same thing he said he was living with a madam yeah which is living with a hooker like i said at least not just a hooker like the one in charge well the madam

i will say like when you told me that at least madams are known for stability of housing they do stay in the same place for long periods of time so that's good for rarely gets goes unpaid absolutely that's good for ben cousins because least rarely goes unpaid. Absolutely. That's good for Ben Cousins because he has very instability. Offering to sell up his Brownlow medal. Yeah, that's very sad. For meth. That's very sad.

Out of his mind. It's fucking rock bottom. We knew it was happening. Yeah. We knew. When that show ended, I believe you said that this is for sure happening again.

This is not the end. Yeah, because he was like, I'm fine now. I'm like, no, you are not. You have a problem you have such a meth problem that you needed to put it up your ass to bring it somewhere that's a big meth problem threatened to bury his fiancee alive yeah that that's insane like i like weed i'm not going to put it up my ass to take it places i'm like well if i find some i find some

you know what i mean like that's how i know there's a difference and how i don't have that kind of a problem oh well you know as opposed to how much of this can I cram into my ass? Let's see. I had steak last night, so that's going to take up some. You just wait until that falls out because that's going to dilate you pretty well. You're going to be able to store at least 13 grams. Oh, man. It's going to be time right there.

I want to see what that 13 grams was shaped like. Was it in like a cylindrical shape? You go with turd form. Yeah, you try to, right? I would imagine because that's what comes out more easily. So they found it. Which is really dick form in the same thing. So you made a meth dick and put it up your ass.

He was discovered with it up his ass. Oh, yeah. So they asked him to pull it out and he two finger jammed it back back up further and they had to go to a hospital to get it out damn he's aggressive with his asshole so is it you would think it would be a cylindrical shade these people are using their assholes like it's a fucking fifth pocket on a pair of jeans getting their fucking house key out what are they doing it's crazy that that's just jamming your fingers in there what's wrong with your option after they've found your hiding place but like a toddler that just keeps going to the same spot at hide and seek. Knock it the fuck off.

Jimmy, I see you behind the tree, you little asshole. I found you there 10 minutes ago. No, my son used to do that, too. Every kid does that. They find a hiding place. You go, good hiding place. They go back there to the same one. No, not a good one this time.

It's not good anymore. No, I don't understand that up the ass thing. But you figure how much up the ass did he successfully transport in between yeah because that's his spot obviously so between jail and between back and forth everywhere he's probably had so much up his ass and then once every you know eight five six years he gets busted for having something up his ass that's a good ratio it's crazy so the ass is a solid bet for him it's not bad at some point you just pit it right you just jam it in your armpit and you just don't move that arm i guess jesus what do you do it's too much at some point you just stop doing meth all the time i think that's that's a that's an option

probably well this guy here 13 grams is too much for your foreskin that's what it is that's the problem he's like shit that's i can fit a couple grams up there. This guy today, I promise you, had nothing up his ass at any point, but there is something about his ass. Why do you promise that? Are you sure? I know he had nothing foreign up his ass, but there is an ass thing that's pretty funny with this guy. It's interesting. Gary Charles, let's do this.

He's a soccer player, a a footballer as you might say uh born april 13th 1970 in newham england which is newham i guess it's part of london it's just a borough of london new ham we know not new ham even though it's spelled new ham for some reason you don't say new ham i don't know why it's new boiled ham why that is yeah he's from boiled him i'm from boiled him so uh that's probably a place it probably is boiled him if you know it probably is please tell us if boiled him is a place because if it is we want to know all about it and the origins of how much ham did how much ham does one town have to boil before they go. It smells so badly. It smells of boiled them here. It smells of a boiled them I've never encountered before.

It exists, I'm sure. It exists. I know it does. He apparently grows up in East London. He has an unstable childhood, apparently. He's like, I don't know, His racial makeup is something he's part black. I know. And he the funny thing is in soccer, he's part black.

So he looks kind of, I guess, kind of Hispanic ish. He looks sort of Puerto Rican. They call him the Brazilian, even though he's not Brazilian at all. And he's, you know, a half black kid from London. He's a Brazilian. Yeah, they are. Well, you know, they're the kid from London. He's a Brazilian. Yeah, they are. Well, you know, the Brits are very progressive with the race relations. And then they end up.

Actually, I don't think it's that bad over there. No, that's better over there than here. It is. That's my point. It's like, why are you calling this guy the Brazilian? Yeah, that's fucked up. Grew up. Well, this was a long time ago.

This was in like 1990. It's not. But I mean, over here, here christ almighty we had we we still you know hulk hogan was calling uh yokozuna a big fat jap in 1994 which i don't think you can do you can't do that now you couldn't go on tv and say that jap brother that big fat jap i'm gonna body so they'd be like that's a little rough i don't think you're supposed to do that but was he a jab no he was actually uh an islander even that's a problem but he was playing a japanese guy so they were insulting there's a difference so he was so now they'd be like he's in he's he's okay he's racially

attacking someone who is appropriating another culture to begin with so we don't even know who we're rooting for here all we know is the japanese are aggrieved on every path he's appropriating their culture and he just called them all japs somehow they're not involved in this at all but they're taking the brunt of everything this is not fair at all it's brutal it's brutal so uh this on the other hand the brazilian so i don't know never been never been really brazil don't even know what the flag looks like never been i know Never been. I know the asses. That's all I know about there. There's asses from what I hear. I smell of boiled ham.

Why would you call me a Brazilian? They don't have ham. They do. They love pork in South America. I don't think they boil it, though. Is that where Brazil is? I think they... No, Brazil...

I'm the dumbest person alive. Did you not know where Brazil was? No, I know. I know that it's the largest country in that it's like half the time i see that but in my head texas of south america but in my head because they're similar shapes i saw it on the horn of africa okay and then when you said south america i was like oh yeah that's right i don't know why i didn't connect that's amazing jesus i'm stupid that's awesome and because he's a black guy and

they're calling him the brazilian i just see the racist side of it yeah yeah so i see it being in africa well yeah because they're gonna be and i'm a dipshit and well if you add all those factors together brazil is in africa uh he said his childhood was pretty unstable yeah home life was pretty unstable uh didn't have a lot of money he uh just wasn't you know wasn't a wasn't like a if you picture people in london are like oh fuck but everywhere else in the world sorry guys we just picture you know people in top hats walking around uh heading to the opera at every at every moment or heading to some event guys with canes that guys with canes fancy yeah yeah exactly why do you carry that you walk great we

know that's not how it is i've seen a lot of shit in england but that's how the world sees this and he's not you can thank walt disney for that by the way exactly that's what i mean exactly it's not your fault at all but we've done plenty of london episodes and also all over england episodes where we know it's not like that at all uh i like how they still think areas are really rough right and then i'm like, have you been to Baltimore? Calm the fuck down. Have you been to fucking East L.A.? Fuck, I doubt you have many places as horrible as that. Have you seen The Wire?

Because I haven't. Yeah, because Jimmy has. When we did the Gavin Grant episode, they were saying how hard it is. And it was like, yeah, one guy got shot over there. One guy got shot over there. It's like we hear that people have fucking fucking and I'm not talking about mass shootings. I'm talking about like street crime and people's machine guns and shit. Saturday in Chicago.

It is. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yes. Yeah. So it's a different type of thing. But it's bad for them, for the English. Got it. He I guess he was always tight with his mother, but he had no father around, which didn't

help with the instability. His mom worked a lot and that sort of thing. He does end up having a stepfather that he grows close to later on. But early childhood, he has no father figure around, which is an issue. He says of that, quote, many in prison have similar problems. There was no dad for me. Nobody urging me on from the touchline. But with addiction comes bigger problems.

I know that now. It's also addiction runs in his family a bit. And his problems are going to be alcohol based mainly, which always makes for a fun episode. But but sad. Usually it's disappointing. It's disappointing. Exactly. He's he's one of those type of guys.

And yeah, that that's you really with this guy, too. You feel like every time he does something, you too, you feel like every time he does something, you almost, it's almost like every time he does something, it's out of character, which is the weird thing when people repeatedly do the same thing. And you're like, that seems out of character. It's like, no, not really. He did that last year and the year before and twice the year before that. But for him, it's one of, he's one of those guys.

We've had a few guys that no matter what they do, you're like, well, that doesn't seem, that doesn't seem right. I'm going to look into that. Oh oh no he did that yeah definitely and if his dad was around maybe he would have beat him up or talk some sense into him to fucking get him out of this this behavior and like we've said the age-old crime and sports question is it better for fathers to just leave and run away or stick around and beat the shit out of everybody they can touch which which is better and we've never figured it out because it seems bad both ways yeah basically if your father's shitty it's bad for you those are the two options yeah you can't really choose but i mean this is crime and sports to me we're not

expecting good parenting we're not going to say you know that's not a third we've had that twice we've had it twice in 129 episodes let's just call that an anomaly and not put it into the into the uh the formula you know because obviously that's the answer yeah we did we did a tylenol trial and you know 85 people said their headache went away you know 11 people said their headache didn't go away and four people's eyeballs bled from their head and leaked all over the floor which is weird for tylenol But everybody had anal leakage. But everyone had anal leakage. So does everyone here. So 1987 here. He's 17.

Actually, he was 16. He wasn't 17 yet. He's playing soccer and he's good. He's real quick. He's small. He's an undersized guy, especially when he's a teenager. He's the type of kid who kind of grew late. So he was a small, skinny kid as a teenager. He was trying to catch on who kind of grew late. And so he was a small, skinny kid as a teenager.

And he was trying to catch on with one of these teams. As you know, they have the football child slavery program over there, which is the weirdest thing in the world. Let me buy your child. How about that? It's essentially sex trafficking for boys minus sex. It's so fucking weird. Yeah, it's their version of gymnastics.

It's so fucked up, except without sex. Like we said, not everybody getting diddled. It's so fucking strange because they just everyone the English will sell their fetus to a soccer team. They don't give a fuck about the age, anything. They will sell you to a soccer team. It's fine. No, go go play with them. Don't kick the ball, boy.

Yeah. So the team that found this young man here is Clapton Football Club. It's, again, these weird child property shit. So strange. This is a football club based in Forest Gate. It's East London, where he's from. I guess now the club are currently members of the Essex Senior League and play at the Old Spotted Dog Ground

as their stadium, which listen to the Old Spotted Dog Ground. Here, the Old Spotted Dog Ground sounds like that's where they used to put dogs to sleep, and it's sad. There, it sounds like spotted dogs trotted with top hats on twirling their canes somehow, even though they're

dogs. The spotted dogs here, they're spotted because they have disease, and that's why we're putting them down there they have monocles right it's a different dog uh this is a spot that's that's it this is a weird i i don't know if this is right but i looked the stadium up and the capacity of this stadium it says there's 2 000 capacity for seating uh for for people but 100 when seated. What? So they cram 2,000 people standing and only 100 seated. How big are these fucking, are they thrones? Right. How much room do these fucking people take up?

That's amazing. That sounds comfortable. That sounds so luxurious. If 100 people can sit where 2,000 can stand. A chaise lounge and a table next to them. It's like those movie theaters with the waitress. A servant standing by with a tray. There's room for everybody.

That's incredible. This is nuts. I don't know. Maybe that's wrong. Maybe it's 1,000 seated. Probably, right? I guess, but I saw 100 in multiple places.

It doesn't matter. That's weird. It's strange here. Maybe that's why that one stadium everybody got crammed and trampled because they fucking stand

and cram them all in like that. Those are sucker bastards. There's probably only enough room for 100 people. And they crammed 20,000 and they put 20,000 and 12,000 died so that's very sad it's very very sad so uh he said that this was uh Clapton was the team he finally caught on he tried to get on a bunch of other teams like I said and everybody said he was too small uh Clapton put him on but they weren't really is that a town clapton or is this like it's the football club i don't know it's it's in east london a fucking team i assume that's

he's english so i assume that's that's why i'm going you're named after right places sometimes i don't know maybe he got he's an amazing guitarist i don't he's probably terrible at soccer i would assume so yeah usually musicians are not good at any sport he's an amazing guitarist. Probably terrible at soccer. I would assume so. Usually musicians are not good at any sport. Well, he's an elderly man at this point, too. That, too. He's better with his hands. I've never seen him do anything with his feet. And he's still crying over that dead son.

He is. Is he alive? Eric Clapton? Yeah. I believe so. Is he alive still? He should be. I'm so lost anymore.

We have killed so many people. We really have. I'm sitting here going, is he alive? Then I'm picturing George Harrison. I'm like, I know he's dead. Is Clapton clapton i don't fucking know anymore who cares no he wasn't a beetle at all he was in like 14 other bands he did everything else yeah that's weird everything in the 70s that was him that was him yeah it's at least if there's a whiny guitar and he was in there somewhere that's not an insult i like claptonton. But anyway. He's a great guy. He finally said, everybody said he was too small, but Brian Clough saw something in him, he said.

Brian Clough is a... For sure alive. He's alive. Okay, good for him. Good for you, Eric Clapton. That feels good. We know he's a listener, obviously. Clapton is a huge sports fan.

Absolutely tremendous and loves nothing more than some filthy humor about a disgraced athlete. It's weird. And when we remind him that his kid's dead. He likes that. He likes that. It's an emotional thing for him when he writes another Layla. There you go. Just the instrumental part, though.

Some wimpy shit. I don't need words. Just the part that they kill everyone in Goodfellas during. That's all. So he says Brian Clough saw something in him. Brian Clough is the manager for Nottingham Forest, who again, always shows up. It's always Nottingham Forest. It wasn't that Gavin Grant's team.

And that was it always. They always fucking come up. I think, too. It's a there's not a there's not a ton of teams. And so it's weird. No, there's a lot. Fucking thousands. There's a lot. There's a lot. It's just that Nottingham shit. I don't understand. Notting weird, though. No, there's a lot. Fucking thousands. Yeah, you're right.

There's a lot. There's a lot. It's just that Nottingham shit. I don't understand. Nottingham, whatever. But it's always Nottingham Forest. Right. It's always there.

It's always there. So anyway, they signed him at 16 years old. Jesus. Again, he's a defender, Gary Charles. He's very quick and athletic because he was small. He had to be. So that was helpful. His coach here, or the manager, Brian Clough, cluff described him as quote a gazelle wow that's that's

a that's a great fucking description of somebody at 16 yeah and he's signing contracts with like i signed my w-2s that year and i've i had that my bar i'm sitting there going can you help me with this and they're like we're not allowed We're not allowed to tell you anything about that. You do it on your own. And I'm like, but this guy's signing contracts. It's like for... Yeah, or his mom is. Somebody's got him.

It's pretty impressive at 16 to be signed on a contract. I didn't sign anything. For anybody. Nobody would have wanted to pay me for anything at 16. I had to negotiate how much is taking out of my minimum wage check. Oh, shit, man. And that was hard to do. So he was apparently bought for

equipment from this team it's a low level team like we said plays in a tiny stadium so they they rather than give them money for the young player they said we'll give you some shit some stuff yeah and they were like cool right on they didn't have any plans for this get a pair of sambas that's it they thought it was too small pair of samb of Sambas and a fucking bag of balls. And there you go. Knock yourself out. And here's a new thing that was just invented. See, the ball goes in this cradle and then it straps your ankle and you kick it and it

comes back. It comes back to you. It's fucking impressive. You get a couple of those. Yeah. It was like selling Manhattan for a couple of fucking for the blazing saddle paddle ball set. paddle ball set so uh uh charles here uh the uh he would he basically became this is so this is creepy i'm sorry i get that this was all on the up and up

and no molestation happened and there's nothing weird about this but it's still if someone said that someone was going to take my 16 year old and do this with them i would say absolutely not no matter who they were okay he would basically be his like surrogate dad kind of thing he would it's it's super weird he used to he used to run his bath every monday you can't be running people's bed he became like anything for him in the bathroom never no he was like wiping his ass as an option like uh if you're going into the bath whatever whatever's in, that's your duty. Yeah, I feel like that. I don't turn anything on for you.

I don't bring you a towel. We need someone to run your bath for. It's not like there's going out to get buckets out of a fucking well. Turn it on yourself and go walk away and come back when it's fucking hot, you lazy bastard. You get a 16-year-old to do that for you. That is creepy. I don't want a 16-year-old boy doing anything with my washing apparatus stay the fuck out of here coming off that's where the kids fucking duties end yes so said he would run his bath every monday and walk the walk his dog uh also just on monday

on monday how about you get to wash i guess that was his uh that was his relaxing bath day he'd take a otherwise it's otherwise it's just a hosing down in the yard and it's no shower for this otherwise i have the 16 year old just turn the hose on me turn the hose on me my fucking dogs get in the butthole here so uh when you want the dogs to stop fucking perfect perfect so yeah he would walk the dog uh he said he lost it one time uh the dog but he found it so then uh didn't get mad uh he says that he was uh nine and a half stone uh weight wise so that's that's very light is that 90 pounds i think it's more than 90 i think it's like 100 i don't know i thought i thought it was like 12 pounds it's 12 kilos or some shit for christ's

sake he was fucking small for his size with your fucking stone. I get that pounds are whatever arbitrary too, but stone? Right. Fuck you. Get out of here. How many stones do you guys have that are all- How many kilos is he? Can we just all agree on something?

Can we all agree on a fucking weight system and a measurement system for that matter either? How many stones do you have that are the same fucking size that's what i mean this one guy picked up a stone a thousand years ago and he goes that's a stone now whatever that fucking stone was it's ridiculous same thing with a foot was it's horseshit it's ridiculous so anyway uh he says that uh he says quote cloffy said if i didn't put on weight i had to go and live with him and his wife, Barbara. I used to go there for breakfast and do his garden. Right.

Which that doesn't sound good. If you don't put on weight, you have to live with me now. You have to live with me. I'm going to own you. That's what I mean. I'm going to own this Brazilian child that's not Brazilian. Super fucking weird, man. This is silver haired, middle aged white man behavior to the extreme.

Absolutely. This is like you're going to come in my eat my wife's cooking like this is silver-haired middle-aged white man behavior to the extreme absolutely this is like you're gonna come in my eat my wife's cooking like this is fucking weird wow he so he would do that he said he was on a uh i guess his stipend was 25 pounds a week uh for the for the team and this is in the 90s that's not that's terrible right i think that's bad yeah and then he would get 20 pounds for the for the garden. So, I don't know. 45 pounds a week? Or is that 20 of the 25 is for the garden?

No, I think it's an and he would get. So, it's 45 pounds a week. I mean, he's a kid. I guess he's living at home still. I don't think he has an apartment or anything. Yeah, because they haven't forced him to live with them yet. No. Well, we'll see if he can't put on some weight.

Right. We're going to see here. And they're keeping his pay low so that he can't eat those fuckers well he would stay there i guess the team had housing for him and he said he used to send all his money home to his mother anyway because she needed money there uh he said he went from having a quote not great upbringing leaving home and school at 15 to all of a sudden cleaning gary burdell's boots i guess that's an exciting thing that sounds like a step down. It sounds like I left home, I left school, and now I'm cleaning this asshole's boots. That sounds like a cause and effect.

Like you left home in school and that means you had to clean a boot or suck a dick for some money. I was just going to say that. That's essentially the same story every hooker has. I left home when I was 14 and now I'm blowing dicks. They would love to just be cleaning boots. Just your boots. Absolutely. They would love to clean a guy's boots. And now I'm blowing dicks. Yeah, they would love to just be cleaning boots. Just your boots?

Absolutely. You want me to spit shine your balls too? You want me to put the mud on my face and I'm done or what? I don't know. No? Okay, great. Perfect.

This is going to be awesome. This is good. You're an easy customer. I don't know why I didn't do this last time. Jesus, you got any other friends with dirty boots? Oh, man. So I guess he was playing for, you know, kind of on their, I don't know, they have like a farm pen of children that they choose from.

This is really creepy. I understand that if you're a kid that wants to do nothing but play soccer, then this is great. But from like an adult standpoint, looking at it it you shouldn't own someone else's child this is probably the same story that pele and fucking david beckham sure everybody had all these dicks yeah they lived this same lifestyle everybody good at who got called out when they were a teenager smiling today yeah but looking back on it they've got to go that was a bit weird imagine if i mean here we don't let you know we don't want guys in the nfl you have to be you know out of college for it's three years out of high school before you can play in the NFL and all this type of shit.

Imagine if our sports started just taking kids basketball. But I mean, at baseball, you're not allowed to. You can sign a foreign kid when he's 16. But that's it. You can't sign an American kid. I don't think till he's 18. And you can't force him to draw your bath. That's the other thing.

He doesn't walk your dog. He doesn't do your garden. He doesn't have to eat your wife's cooking none of that shit basketball they freak out when people come out of high school right did you see lebron james living at the owner of the cavaliers house and doing his garden no he'd be like fuck your garden i have a nike commercial eat dicks dude i'm doing this shit i'm in high school i have a nike commercial anyway delonte west is nailing my mom it's gonna be a problem i'm not doing this shit. I'm in high school. I have a Nike commercial. I gotta get back home. Anyway, Delonte West is nailing my mom. It's gonna be a problem. I gotta deal with that shit.

And I'm losing my hair at a rapid pace. So I gotta go. I got a couple of appointments to keep right now. It's a lot of problems. So that's what I mean. It's a very odd arrangement. The whole thing is super fucking weird and creepy. And oh, by the way, hockey does that too.

They buy children also. But that's just Canada. Not is canada not america yeah yeah that's in america they go to usually get a college scholarship out of it and that's how they do it in hockey they're like he's good what is he 12 he's mine i'm buying him tennis is the same way but that's another international game so never mind so anyway uh so he was happy about cleaning gary burtell's boots which thrilled that gary burtellles must be a bad motherfucker. If you're happy to clean his boots, he says, quote, I was always sneaking into the first team dressing room. Ian Bauer boy Bauer would catch me and say, what are you doing in here? You little cockney.

But I always just wanted to listen. I was fascinated. He said coffee would take take me away with the first team for experience. I had to carry the tea, but I would watch them go out on the pitch and think that's my dream. What is carrying the team? I think that's the food. OK, now British people, we're going to get tweets about this. I've been I watched like a lot of British TV, too, and I have yet to decipher what the fuck this is.

OK, it feels like and I could be completely wrong. Tea is its own meal. OK, oh, tea is tea to have tea. But tea is also its own meal. Okay. Oh. Tea is tea to have a drink. Tea is also its own meal. It's not dinner. It's not lunch. It seems like an afternoon. It's somewhere.

How many fucking meals are you eating over there? Number one. I don't know what it is. Or is tea. Is tea. Is that dinner? It's because I hear like your evening tea. So is that dinner?

I don't know. What is that? What the fuck are you people doing over there? I get tweets from people in England. Your calcium just fucking deprived motherfuckers. Ham boilingholes tell me what you're up to this girl beth who's a vet over there she she tweets me and tells me that she's got she's having crumma i don't know what the fuck that is the fuck does what i mean but i don't want to be insulting and and look like an asshole and ask but it's probably like crumpets and it's probably a biscuit which is a cookie right so there you go right and she went to crumpets and tea and shit. It's probably a biscuit, which is a cookie. Right. So there you go.

Right. And she went to three different, you had to translate it twice to get to that. But she said that she was also having a fag, and that got fucking dicey for a second. Yeah, yeah. And you had to go, oh, yeah, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, I get it. You smoke Marlboros. Okay, got it.

I'm on board. So, Jesus Christ. It's also bizarre. It's insanely bizarre. And this is a bizarre, we said a bizarre arrangement i guess at 15 16 years old i guess it would have been cool to like go into a major league team's locker room and be their gopher you'd be like a bat boy sure that's i mean we have that but it's usually like a coach's kid or something that's the bat boy it's not usually some kid from the

fucking projects that they stole unless it was mc hammer they made him be a bat in high school there was a teacher whose son was a bat boy for the for the diamondbacks and it was it was it was mc hammer they made him be a bad in high school there was a teacher whose son was a bat boy for the for the diamondbacks and it was it was it was cool for him then because he was playing players when he was 14 to 16 years old that's amazing then i was like 23 and by now he's 21 still doing that and it's fucking you don't want to have bat boy on the back of your uniform when you're a fucking man you're a man well man. Because you can't put Batman on the back. What's he going to do? That shit's trademarked.

That is. What's he going to do? Work that until he's 80, and then he can be one of those old fucks they put down the line to shag fly balls? Yeah. God, I want one of those guys to die on the field so fucking bad so they'll stop that fucking program

and let children go out there like everybody else in the fucking major leagues. Jesus Christ almighty. It's the weirdest thing. Let a teenager go out there. Don't let some fucking old fart go out there. He's in the fucking major leagues jesus christ almighty let a teenager go out there don't let some fucking old fart go out there as he's had a life already if he didn't go out on a major league field by now it's not gonna fucking happen old man sorry you should have worked on that you gotta groom you gotta replace the fucking field of players that you have and the

way to get a kid to love the sport is fucking involve him give him an opportunity so get him near the people that he calls heroes jesus christ absolutely so he's he's near his heroes here he says quote it's a big thing when you actually come into a club and you're here every day and you're watching the first team play uh he said the forest team had a lot of great players at the time i still remember cleaning the boots of johnny metgod gary burtles gary mills and gary fleming and gary johnson and gary roberts and gary what the is everyone fucking name why is everyone named gary and what the fuck is t what's happening and why is everybody taking why does he have to clean everybody's shoes everybody that's the the shoe cleaner what the fuck is he doing i clean everybody's shoes? That's the shoe cleaner?

What the fuck is he doing? I guess he's the gopher or whatever. And it's the spikes that he's cleaning? Are those the boots? They say, I guess that's the boots. Because I've heard those called boots. Yeah, unless they're having them, I don't know, get their regular shoes cleaned. But it's how much mud are they walking through?

I get it's muddy over there, but there's no path from the parking lot. Every goddamn day. It's a fucking professional place. What's going on here? And why is everyone named Gary? Honestly, that's ridiculous. That is fucking ridiculous. Those names, by the way, sound like if you said,

quick, name four, make up four British soccer players. You know, like Johnny Metcalf, Gary Birtles, Gary Mills, and Gary Fleming. You'd be like, those are fine, but how many Garys are you going to use? That's a, come on. Run down the list of every Gary you've ever heard of. I'm going to throw in a Bob in there or anything. Gary. Anything.

Yeah, Gary Shandling. He's a good defender, Gary Shandling. There's a lot of them. He said... Ridgeway. Oh, all sorts of Gary's. You know it. Coleman.

Just Gary's everywhere. Imagine Gary Coleman. That one's the best one. Gary Coleman, stop. Because I'm seeing all these white guys, and then you throw the black midget in there. A tiny one. With his 85, not later, too. With his 1985 different strokes, little mini afro, and his red sweater vest going on.

Red, white sweatshirt. Yeah. It's hiding from the gooch. What are you talking about, Willis? Mm-hmm. So good. Oh, Gary Coleman, we love we love you so he is dead in the tiny oh that's so sad they buried him like a hamster in the backyard they tried to flush him but that didn't work so uh that pro got stuck and it's fat ass also

so uh sorry gary coleman Coleman. And this is what happens. See, we can't help this. This is just how we talk normally about anything. Man, that and just, we're dicks. And then this happens. And then we're comfortable. We feel comfortable enough with you people to tell you that Gary Coleman had a fat ass. So, sorry if that insults.

An unflushable fat ass. An unflushable fat ass. An unflushable fat ass. Just so fat it wouldn't go down. The wait is over. So far you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing!

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It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice, only on Freebie. Taylor Swift is soaring high, her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show, Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business,

but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. And now back to the show. Charles said, quote, that was one of the big Gary Charles, because Charles could be Charles Gary. We don't know. His fucking name is Gary, too. Enough Garys.

Jesus Christ, man. Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary. I want to see all four Garys greet each other, because that would be amazing. And how are they all on the pitch at the same time being like, Gary, what? No, the other one. I passed the game. They just have to call each other by number that's it 12 what's up 24 so he says quote this was one of the that was one of the biggest things i enjoyed i got to go into the first team dressing room and listen to what they spoke about uh gaz who is birdles i guess they call him gaz

yeah because they need nicknames yeah because he's all these Gary's. Used to have two Toyota Supras and I would wash them. One day I washed one of them twice, but I felt looked after. Brian taught us to respect people. Look after your own. When it was the tea lady's birthday, we sang and gave her flowers. The tea lady, I guess she prepares the tea. They have a tea lady. He seems so happy.

Yeah, they have a tea lady and clean each other's boots. And this is so fucking, it's so British. This is exactly what we're making fun of. It's shit like this. You have a tea lady. Isn't that nice? He doesn't get that he's being, like, tortured, too. He washed the same car twice in one day.

And he said, but I felt looked after. It was nice. It's fine. He said, when Cloughy first saw me, he asked me why I was playing with older lads. I looked so young, but he signed me on the first day for a two-week trial. He was so little, they thought he was like, why are you playing with a 16-year-old? You look 13. He's like, I am 16.

Fuck. So he signed him up. He said, quote, he used to just say, play your football and everything else will be okay. And 18 months later, I was training with the first team. So he ended up catching on and kind of being on the first team which was a big deal he says I was a ringer and I scored two but

Brian said quote I could have scored those I don't know why you're smiling so he knocked him down to size a little bit knock his dick in the dirt and get the little ego out of him tell him to go clean a fucking boot or something for a minute here he scored two goals but we pulled the goalie yeah it was we were up by five,

they pulled their goalie. Do they do that in soccer like in hockey? I'm sure they do. I'm sure they do. It would make sense mathematically. Except that goal is huge, so you just kick it down

and it's a fucking goal. It's going in. It's a goal, man. And if it doesn't, you're really going to get ridiculed. Yeah, yeah. I like them picking on him, though. That's good.

I like him saying, he deserves it. Don't be so fucking happy with yourself. I feel like that's a good thing. Because kids, you know, they get a little excited with themselves. They're like, listen, pal, be so fucking happy with yourself. I feel like that's a good thing. Because kids, you know, they get a little excited with themselves. They're like, listen, pal, I could have scored those goals. I don't need you to fucking.

Anyway, the tea lady could have. The tea lady could have. We could have sang to her as she ran down the field. But you didn't clean her boots, you dick. You dickhead. So she couldn't play. I wonder if they ever, somebody like once he was on the first team, somebody still dropped their boots off in front of his locker

and gave him like a Joe Pesci Goodfellas good thing i don't shine shoes no more and he just started fucking come down to tell you you're going a long time i don't know if anybody came up there to tell you but uh i don't shine shoes no more this guy could make him fuck you could see your never he tries to see a fucking reflection in the neck with the fucking spike that could happen so uh he said he was happy to be training with them. In 1989, I guess before he ends up playing for them, he is sent on loan to Leicester. Leicester? Leicester.

Leicester. Leicester. Okay. Take some of those letters out. I'm fucking sorry. It's too many for Leicester. There is an E in there. There's a C.

And an E. Yeah. It's too much. They do not need to be there. They don't need to be there at all. I'm sorry. I could fix everything for you guys. Just take some fucking letters away.

No one will mispronounce shit. I'll re-spell everything for you. You don't have to sit there and be all snottily tell us that we're pronouncing it wrong. It looks like Leicester, right? Yeah. It looks like Leicester. Right. Yeah.

It's Leicester. The C is stupid. Yeah. It's so stupid. And then the E too is fucking stupid. Leicester. I mean, you could do L-E-I-S-T-E-R. That's your fucking name now.

I changed the fucking signs. Do it. Because I am done with this shit. I'm sorry. Leister City, you bastards. He played in eight games for them and had no goals. So that was just to get a little experience, I feel like. Also plays six games for the England under under 21 team which i assume is a

good thing uh they the start of the calendar year in which a two-year european under 21 jesus christ what the fuck okay it's english players aged under 21 basically and as long as they're eligible players can play for england at any level making it possible for the under 21s uh uh to play i don't know what the fuck they're talking about here because they're saying it's possible to play for one country at a youth level and another at a senior level so you can play at the same time yeah so you can play for like fucking some team in portugal but play on like england's team to make it i guess so if an english-born player goes and plays somewhere else you can still play on

the england 21 team they just make it so complicated to tell us that that i don't know what the fuck we're talking about so they're putting youths on the on the elderly team they're not elderly the fucking adult team yeah but this is yeah this is for anybody under 21 who's on these adult teams can play on the england under 21 team as opposed to the english national team i guess which is the other all right they get caps He was capped twice. Two caps. I remember that. Yeah.

The cap thing means you're on the- So many hats. Yeah. It's a lot of hats and caps and goals. And we're not even going to try to make sense of it because we've decided that we just, it's just not going to happen. I'm not going to remember any of it. We don't care.

And you know what? I want to watch it so bad and I want to get into it and enjoy it. I do too. It's such a big fucking deal worldwide. I need a team. I need a team. Yeah. That's what it is. Tell you what. Maybe that's what it is. We get into it and enjoy it. I do, too. Because it's such a big fucking deal worldwide. I need a team. Yeah. That's what it is.

Tell you what. That's what it is. We need teams. Uh-huh. Assign us teams. Don't you give me a shitty team. Tell us a good team. Yeah. Something that's a good one to support.

Somebody that wears blue, too. I like blue. I'm into red. You can wear red. All right, cool. Somebody that, because I wear mostly, a lot of blue shit. I like red. I like a blue team of some kind.

Tell me something. Not like Arsenal or fucking Manchester. I don't want to be like a bandwagon you don't want to be a bandwagon guy and i want to find a team that's that's good yeah but not great and in a city with a name that's not stupid and if it has ham at the end of it i'm calling it yeah we're not yeah if you if you want us to root for tottenham hotspurs and that's what you're gonna get i'm calling them motherfuckers that's my team those and that's a good one for you they got aotspurs and that's what you're going to get. That's what I'm calling them. That's my team though. And that's a good one for you. They got a good

color. They got that baby blue. I think so. I'm pretty sure. We got to look into it but we're shopping for teams.

We're free agent fans. That's what we are. And I think the season runs in the fall doesn't it? It fucking runs all year long.

Yeah it's always going on but I think it's coming up the maiden season. I could be completely wrong about that. Well the World Cup just ended. That has nothing to do with the league.

So it's got to start right now. Yeah, that has nothing to do with league play. Yeah, before they wander back to their countries of origin and get caught up with fat asses and cocaine and shit. Yeah, everybody. So after one game, Clough said he was so happy about his performance and how well he was coming along. Gary, yeah, this Gary, Gary Charles, not any of the other 14 Garys on the team. Right. happy about his performance and how how well he was coming along uh gary yeah this gary gary

charles not any of the other 14 garys on the team right he said quote when charles plays a one two he goes like a gazelle it's so effortless at first it looks like he's not moving and yet he's 40 yards up the field so i guess he's got a smooth stride stand still yeah he's like bernie williams in center field he runs like a fucking deer can Fucking glides. Now, away from soccer, though, is where he was really making his name because he was a partier. He liked to party a lot. A lot of drinking. A lot of girls. He's a young guy.

I mean, he's a young guy. He's on a team. He's making a couple bucks. A lot of heavy drinking. You know, some fights and some shit. Youthful indiscretion. As you do. Pub shit.

It's normal. It's England. I think they're fine with that. Bar events. Yeah. I don't want to know. In England, if there's a little scrape in a pub, are you guys as crazy about it as it is over here?

I think they're worse. Are they? I think they are. Are they like, yeah, that's all right. I feel like it would be like... I don't know why we can't go back to that. We've said it before and again. I really want to go back to the part to where two adult people can voluntarily decide to fight each other and no one is criminally responsible for this. I think they do that in England.

I would love that. I think they do also. I think there's some sort of law where it's like, because we've gone over it before, where it's like, well, you said you wanted to fight him, mate. I mean, broke your fucking neck. That's what happens. You said you wanted to fight. He was legal. before where it's like, well, you said you wanted to fight him, mate. I mean, broke your fucking neck. That's what happens. You said you wanted to fight. He was legal. Yeah.

It's like tombstone. I want that. It's like, yeah, you want to fucking because God damn it. That would help so much. There's so many people over here. He put his hands up, officer. I don't know what to tell you. There is so many people up here in America where a punch in the nose would change their entire fucking.

They would have PTSD. Oh, my God. It was fucking unreal. So we now I take medication yeah not just for not for pain just to to get through my day hopefully it'll make you less of an asshole and no one want to punch you anymore so we should we should have that voluntary fighting so anyway i think england does it pretty well i think they're pretty well sure of it I think they do. So he ends up playing 56 games for Forrest, as they're known, because Nuttingham is a lot to say. Right. From 1987 to 1993 in that period, he only scores one goal in 56 appearances.

They were right. Somebody else could have scored those two. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. I think that was a minor whatever game. Yeah, I think that was a minor whatever game. So the 1991, they make it to the FA Cup final, which is, I guess, a big deal versus our buds, our pals Tottenham.

Tottenham's in. The Hotspur is here. Oh, baby. Hotspur coming at you. Or just the Spurs because they realize that Hotspur is stupid too. It sounds really dumb. It sounds dumb. Is that a bird? We don't need to say that.

I think we decided, yeah, we've looked it up last time. I think it's a bird, a stupid bird. It's dumb. That's a dumb bird. It's not even a cute one. No, no, no. It's the one that they model, the thing that just dips back and forth on the perpetual motion bird. It's that stupid thing.

Like a hummingbird. Yeah, something dumb like that. Not even a bird of prey with talons and fucking big nasty bees. Just stupid. Standing there. It makes sure your almonds are pollinated. Yes. Your almonds are pollinated.

It's a useless fucking bird. That's awesome. Hey, pollinate my almonds. So clean my boots when you're done. So clean my boots when you're done. So apparently in this final game here, there was a big deal when he was tackled. This tackle is a famous tackle, apparently. Really?

There's a guy named Paul. He's a famous guy over there. Everyone's like, oh, he doesn't know who he is. No, I don't. Paul Gasconi, something like that, I think. He's a famous nutcase over there. Middle name's Gary, I think. I think probably. It's got to be Gary, yeah.

His first name is Gary. He just changed it to Paul. Gary Paul Gascony. Gary Paul Gascony. I'm sure that's not how you say it, but he's apparently a notorious nutbag. We've had people send us shit over here to Crime and Sports about him just being a general lunatic. He eats tons of candy bars. He's a weird guy.

He apparently made a really, really cheap tackle on Gary Charles this day. Like an excessively, it's known as like one of the cheaper tackles that people can remember in a big game like that. Just a real cheap took out his legs shot. Just a real cheap took out his legs shot. But the Paul, not Gary Charles, Gary Paul, Paul here ended up absolutely destroying his knee in the process. His own knee. Awesome. Gary was fine.

Gary Charles was fine. But this guy fucking destroyed his knee. Destroyed everything. Fucking fucked up his career. Just destroyed his knee, apparently. Now, Charles says later on, Gary says, quote, I'm respectful of Paulul as he's had his own problems but he seems to be doing well now i see his daft jokes on twitter and it makes me smile oh boy so he says hopefully we'll get together and have a chat soon we will do that i would really like to see him again i've been asked many times to talk but i was just it

was i was just the unfortunate person involved in the tackle. It was much worse for him. So, yeah, and on top of this, well, it's bad for Tottenham that they lose Paul that day, but it's worse for Gary. He gets tackled, gets a cheap shot, and the team loses, and a little bit of it is his fault. Apparently, somebody hit a header that looped over Charles at the back of the post. I don't know what the fuck any of that means.

So the ball, somebody hit it with their head. Yes, that I know. And knocked it over him. Knocked it over him. And apparently, I think they were passing it to him with a header. And apparently, he let it go into their own goal. Oh, no. He didn't jump up and get it, apparently.

And it went into their own goal. And they ended up losing 2-1. Ouch. So that was the game loser for them. And he says about, I guess this has haunted him forever. He says, quote, why didn't I jump? When I see it now, it makes me jump to try to head it off at the line. He probably, you know, in his seat.

He says, quote, even my son asked me why I froze. Oh, no. To this day, I don't know why. Oh, Jesus. He just saw it and was like oh look at that ball he was just like mesmerized by it oh shit that's going right in there oh fuck oh i'm on the team that was me that was fuck that was my ball this isn't tv shit i gotta that's in now wow i fucked that up bad and and his son asks him yeah why didn't you jump dad what a burner

oh that's brutal why did you why my son asked me why I froze. Why didn't you even try, Dad? Why was your psyche so locked up that you just completely just checked out? Why'd that happen? Like Chris Webber Jr. wandering around the house going, Dad, you can't count to five. Why'd you call timeout, Dad? Why? Why'd you do that? You knew you didn't have any timeouts, right?

There's a fucking big scoreboard with lights to tell you how many timeouts you had the fifth light was illuminated as you're running by go we got any timeouts coach hey coach we got anything else hey coach got any time anything hey coach got any time as he runs by the quick chris weber jr if there is one there's there's there you know there has to be jesus christ i hope that motherfucker gets him what it's is it five timeouts or is it six i can't remember i don't remember for college who the fuck back then it's probably 38 timeouts and yeah he could have forgotten but whatever that whatever that number is i hope that kid gets that number of all kinds of shit for him for his birthday for christmas for ellie baker's if there's 13 of them bakers

there you go dad so then look there's 13 that's weird that's that's amazing look at that dad you know that'd be just the greatest thing ever if my dad fucked up that big and that that on that public of a stage. Well, there should be 12 in here. No, Dad, there's 13, actually. I know that's too many, but it doesn't matter. I know it's hard to count that high, Dad. I don't have a problem with that. I know you have a problem with that number.

Yeah, this kid picking up. Because it's a famous thing. It's huge. It's like, here's a game-winning goal from a final game that just floated over somebody and into their own goal. Unbelievable. Can you imagine that? No.

Imagine in football if somebody scored their own touchdown in a Super Bowl and that was the deciding factor. Somebody ran it back and it was a safety and they were up by one and they ran a safety and they lost by one. Holy shit, that would be a big deal. They'd play that over forever. If Taylor in the Super Bowl touchdown grab just like lets it go over and go into the the other team cornerback and he runs it back for the touchdown they he'd never forget

never look at a football ever again no definitely and he'd always see it going over his head every day so 1992 he says quote at forest i had a call from the lads telling me i was in the england squad so he made the national team is what he's saying here which is a huge fucking deal especially there that's my here they're like oh we couldn't name two people i couldn't name you one soccer player on our national team if you fucking paid me and had a gun to my head yeah nothing nothing over there that's like a huge deal they're into it like six years ago there was we had a good team and i remember like three of them, but I don't remember today. I don't know.

That's what I mean. Then I could recall them. This is a huge deal, though. He says, quote, I thought they were joking, so I drove to the paper shop. There it was in print. I was over the moon. I'm going to say it now. Grace.

That's it. That's going to be Grace right now. That's Grace. He's making the... And the Grace lasts literally 10 minutes. This is probably the shortest Grace in the history of crime and sports. We always give them something. They always have a few.

This is the highest high to the lowest low immediately. Right now. It's amazing. He made the team. Only crime and sports could say that. He literally is like, get the fuck out of here. I didn't make the fuck. They're like, no, no, you made the English gig.

No, I didn't. That's bullshit so he gets in his car and drives to the store to buy a paper because this is 1992 there's i couldn't just pull his phone out so imagine that to drive to a store to buy a paper that's how excited you are to possibly be to see if you're being fucked with or not and he picks it up he's like i'm on the english national team. Holy shit. He probably shouted grace. I think at that point he knew this was grace. Then he says, quote, then minutes later it happened. I've never talked about this and maybe I should have. The cyclist, a teenager, hit me as I turned right.

Here it comes. So he turned right and I think a bicyclist crossed against the light. I thought you meant like he picked up the newspaper, turned right and i think a bike a bicyclist in his car crossed against the light okay i thought you meant like he picked up the newspaper turned around and then wham he a bicyclist ran into his car he said quote he overtook me on the wrong side it's still a blur he came off the bike and hit a lamppost uh the inquest which is the you know inquiry here the investigation was a verdict of accidental death was the saddest thing. The bicyclist died.

He died. It devastated me. He said, the night of the accident, I played for Forrest. I didn't tell a soul what had happened. That was just me all over. Block it all out and it will go away, but it doesn't. Oh, my God. This is the downfall.

He went from the high. He was literally driving with the newspaper. From getting the news. From getting the news from getting the news the thing he's wanted his whole life and he finally got it turns a corner right there from the place and kills a kid a teenager on a bicycle now not his fault it was it was they did a full inquiry he wasn't drinking he wasn't the kid was doing the right he was driving the wrong way riding his bike on the wrong thing. Like it was not Gary Charles fault at all. But no less. He talks about it repeatedly because he didn't talk about it till 15 years later.

He talks about it as he said he the way the kid hit the car. He made eye contact with him as he was making contact. So he said, I saw the terror in his face as he was as he was. The contact was being made. As I was killing him. As it was killing him. Then he said, I saw that. And then he flew off and hit the lamppost and he died.

So he's like, I saw that realization. He said, it fucked me all up. And I can understand that being a bit of a fucking thing for people. Yeah. And it fucks him up pretty good. And it comes out in his behavior. Before, he'd go out with the boys and drink and party and all that kind of shit. And I'm not saying that this is the number, the absolute cause and effect, but something like this will make you want to have a drink.

I feel like it'll make you want, especially if he always used drinking to calm his nerves. That was always what he said. He said he never liked the taste. He never even had a drink until he was like 18, 17, in england is late because you can drink legally when you're 18 so he didn't even have a drink till later because he said or didn't drink regularly because he didn't like the taste so he just he liked that it would calm him down jim jeffries is a joke about it where he's like i hate when people say that because i don't like the taste nobody does exactly but like he didn't like it to the point where it wasn't enjoyable to have drinks with people but when he wanted to kill his nerves, that's when he would throw some down and be like, fuck it, don't care. Who the fuck likes a taste of booze?

Nobody. It's fucking horrible. It's vile shit. What happens is fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. Once in a while you get a wine that doesn't taste terrible. Yeah, you pair it with food and it tastes a lot better.

That's the thing. You get food and wine and food and beer, too. That's what booze is. It's supposed to be a compliment for food. And then you turn it into that's how you function. It's supposed to be to get you through your day and make you not remember teenagers' faces splatting against your windshield.

Maybe that's my problem. I need to drink more. Or just go kill some teenagers in your car. Or kill some teenagers. One or the other. Maybe both. We don't know. We'll find out.

So he said, yeah, he played for the so he went that all happened the police came they cleaned a dead kid up they talked to him they checked him out he was fine not his fault witnesses said what happened the whole thing the whole inquest and then he goes to the field and plays like nothing happened right now doesn't tell anybody what happened doesn't say oh by the way i fucking nothing just tries to act like nothing happened and push it under the rug which is not not a good probably mental move for him he probably could have used a little bit of something right at least tell your friend about it and you know get some sort of i'm not saying he needed counseling maybe he did but a friend could have been like oh mate it's all right buddy

you know hey shit that's terrible and that might have helped him a little bit unload even cam newton took some time off when he rolled his truck that's what i mean at least a couple of days something chill and i didn't go play that night go relax yeah so he plays for england uh this is the uh england national team uh by the way the england is one of the two oldest national teams in football it's england and scotland are the two oldest and they played the world's first international football match in 1872. Was that right? So, yeah, this is what I mean. This is some fucking tradition.

Do they go to Scotland or do they go to England? They don't fuck around. I don't know. They probably can't. I figure the English probably made them come to them. They were like, you know what? Fuck you guys. You're under our throne.

We've fucked with you for the last thousand years. Might as well keep fucking with you more. You come here. Loser has to Brexit. What do you say? Yeah, what do you say? Hey. So England plays in Wembley Stadium, which is some nice digs, I would say, for there.

Now, 1993, he leaves Nottingham Forest and he joins the Derby County Rams, which is another team here. They're arch rivals of Nottingham Forest. That's still in England? That's still in England. Yeah, the Derby County Rams, which is another team here. They're arch rivals of Nottingham Forest, apparently. That's still in England? That's still in England, yeah. Derby County Rams. That's a pretty English name. Sounds Irish to me. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, it sounds Australian, honestly. That too. I think Rams. Don't they name everything the Rams over there? Pretty much. Yeah, okay. So that's their, what's the Canadian football team that we always say? The Rough Riders.

Oh, the Rough Riders. That's always say, the Rough Riders. That's their version of the Rough Riders, that they had two teams in an eight-team league that had the same name. Jesus Christ. Somebody changed it. Somebody changed it. I think they did now, finally. So he was there.

He gets signed for 750,000 pounds in 1993 money. That's some fucking money. That's pretty goddamn good. He goes on total to score three goals and 77 appearances for them. Okay. That's not a lot. But it's three goals. That's more than I scored.

That's way more than I can score. See, I mean, that's probably, it doesn't seem like a lot, though. They won the Professional Footballers Association Team of the Year. Wow. Okay. Now, I didn't know what the fuck this was. And here is the definition of what this award is. Oh, boy.

Quote, it is an annual award given to a set of 55 footballers across the top four tiers of men's English football, the Premier League, Championship League One, and League Two, as well as the Women's FA WSL, who are seen to be deserving of being named in a team of the year. Peter Shilton currently holds the most appearances in the PFA team, whatever the fuck. I don't know what any of that means. He's been on a lot of teams. They apparently picked the best overall franchise, I feel like.

But they've got to have 55 dudes. Yeah, well, I think that's all the different teams, because you have four teams. So I think that would line up to that, because I think it's probably the best. It would be like, now don't quote me, even though I'm saying it in a microphone and recording it and putting it out to the public. And putting it under quotes. But I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about.

I think this would be like if you gave out the best team to a major league team that went all through the minors, too. That had good minor league teams and a good system and a good major league. I think that's what it is. It's the the best organization i think that's what we're talking about every year yeah they usually what fucking cardinals is what an organization they stink this year in the majors but they always have good minor they bring them up fucking organization they bring them up well damn it uh this is the point where alcohol really really becomes an issue in his life and in his his problems and everything else. Team of the year.

Team of the year. Well, this is about this time. He said, quote, Drinking was part and parcel of the game when I was playing. Managers didn't mind you having a few beers then. Most thought it was good for team spirit. When I first joined Forest, I lodged with Roy Keane, who we'll talk about. He's a very famous guy over there.

And we had some great nights out. Clothy was fine about that, although he didn't like us drinking out of bottles for some reason. He wanted his players to be classy. You drink it out of the can. Lift your pinky. So, yeah, don't drink out of a can. He said, quote, when I was 20, I moved in with my girlfriend, Michelle, and we soon started a family. So the nights out stopped.

So he's saying, you know, 1990, 91, he stopped going out. Because he's saying you know 1990 91 he stopped going out because he had a kid because he had a kid he said you could say i was a model professional in bed by 10 up early to take the kids to school then off to work to train out to train hard so this is what he's saying he was doing uh and back then that was just they just drank some beers after and that's every sport i mean fucking every job that's every job but they used to drink in the baseball drinking a few beers in the locker room after the games are very i don't know if they still do it but back then that was the common practice i swear i've seen it on tv oh yeah and the back in the like in the 60s everybody had to or else you were considered an asshole or a pussy or a pussy yeah

everybody in the manager be like you guys crack those beers open you enjoy it blah blah blah if you've ever listened to red ball four the jim bouton book uh and then like you know rod would tell me when with the giants uh there was a few like four or five of them that would stay around for two hours after the game and just drink beer and talk about baseball him and matt williams and a couple other guys the real hardcore baseball guys would sit around and three hours of the game and four hours of being there before that wasn't enough for them right they needed to hang out and talk more baseball like you guarantee whatever team he was on he would have been on that was the leader he might have been at the bar by that man loves drinking by the way those guys they were real tight mark mark and rod really yeah oh he loved they loved each other yeah he was a big fan of uh they played

for 98 the cubs together and he said they were kindred spirits rod liked to party he liked to drink god damn grace is the most committed to drinking I've ever seen. He took a breathalyzer out of his car to keep drinking and driving. That's amazing. That's so fucking amazing. He gives a shit about drinking and driving. At least Rod was smart about it. When he made the comeback and had the trailer, had his RV out behind the minor league stadium,

he would just give all the people beer that would come. He's like, well, I'm not allowed to sit. Just come drink with me. Yeah, he said he had to have like the Coors truck would have to come to his fucking thing because there were hundreds of people at shop and he'd give them all beer. I would love that. Yeah, it was fun. He'd barbecue and shit.

They don't do that anymore. No, they don't do that anymore. Because you get sued. No. Well, that was 2003 he was doing that when he was coming back with the Cubs. They're dicks, though. And if they get in a car accident leaving there, they're like back gave me all this booze yeah yeah this was in iowa i feel like they'd be like get your ass home you fucking pussy get in the back you're too drunk

you're too drunk here i'll follow you it's fine i'll follow you you're good follow me that's yeah yeah follow me let's go so we have it in their own words here about his situation and just what he this is now this isn't when he we talked about a second ago he'd go out partying with uh with his pal there and everything this is now he says in their own words quote it was lonely i wouldn't hit a packed bar i'd sit on my own in my own on my own in the quietest pub and drink i didn't do it for the enjoyment i didn't do it for the excitement when i didn't do it for the excitement. When I was playing, I wasn't seen as one of the big drinkers. My life was disciplined until I went on a bender. When I was playing, I never

went on benders. 50 weeks, I'd be fine and on the 51st and afterwards, I'd go on a run during training and still be at the front. I was kidding myself. So he's the same kind of, I think Ben Cousins would do the same shit when he was playing a different sport, obviously, but when he was playing, he would do the same thing where he would say he would be fine and then not a drop and then for a

week he just only that he'd end up you know upside down in a tree naked with fucking you know running through crocodile infested water with dead prostitutes all around him and he's like what happened i don't know and meth hanging out of his ass where am i yeah what's up my ass what is this something's up my ass though right because it should Something's up my ass though, right? Because it should be. It feels good. I think I like it. So January 6th. What's in my foreskin? Let's play What's in My Foreskin.

Everybody, join the newest game, Sweeping Australia, What's in My Foreskin? All right, everybody join up. What's in my foreskin? Let's take some bets on what's in Ben Cousins' foreskin. I think meth is the safest bet hooker saliva number saliva of a madam a lot of things his own semen that he trapped in there definitely maybe some like a snack for later i feel like he'd store in there i'm out of pockets i think he just put it in there maybe, he's already got something up his ass.

I feel like he fills the ass up first, then he's like, I got foreskin. I guess I'll move on to the foreskin now. That's the front trunk. That's what that is. That works. It's my pouch. Good Christ. So, wow.

Amazing. So, January 6th, 1995, he signs with Aston Villa. Aston Villa. I don't know what it is. Villa, I think, because it's England. They pronounce filet mignon, filet mignon. So I'm going to go with Aston Villa. They do. No, they don't. In England, they say filet mignon. Oh, my God. They do not say they fucking hate the French. Do you think they're going to pronounce that shit French? It's a fillet. If you go out, they'll say fillet steak. That's what that is. Abso-fucking-lutely. That's how they pronounce that shit there. English people, back me up on this one.

And also tell me what the fuck tea is and what's going on with your Gary's. You guys got to stop being so petty and just call it what it is. It's fucking delicious. That's right. God damn it. It's amazing, those fillets. They are. Fuck yeah, they're delicious. It's the best steak ever. It's tender. It's juicy. What's bad delicious that's right god damn amazing those fillets they are fuck yeah

it's tender it's juicy what's what's bad it's so good so uh uh he signs here with tommy johnson i guess is the manager we all know how that tommy johnson is i don't know who the fuck he is uh signs it there in january of 1995 it is a 2.9 million dollar deal that's a million pound deal sorry so that's that's a lot of fucking money. That's a lot of money now. 95. That is way more. Now that's more than our money.

That's terrific. Back then it wasn't. Yeah. No, you're right, actually. Back then it was like 50 bucks. Before we destroyed our economy. So anyway. Before we ruined ourselves.

Before we destroyed ourselves. So 95, 96, he really starts to unravel during this season. He breaks his ankle playing for this team late in the 95-96 season, and he's out for almost two years. And he's got nothing to do, no training to be. He doesn't have to be at 7 o'clock in the next morning out running. He can't run. So at that point, what are you going to do?

If you're a guy that kind of is a sullen kind of guy who will recede into the darkness and turn to the booze, this is a bad time for you. And now you're sitting on your ass all the time. And you have all this time to either see a ball go over your head that isn't there. Yeah. Or you see a fucking 15-year-old fly over the hood of your car. And he's 25, by the way. Oh, Jesus. He's only 25 years old.

It's not like he's an old man or he's looking back on the reflections of his career. He's in the prime of his athletic life right now. And already had two enormous events in his life. Yeah, injuries and that. Really fucked him up. It's tough. He said that his foot was dislocated at the ankle and it was a mess. He said, quote, Dwight York was crying on the field.

I was out for 20 months and I couldn't keep the good habits. I feel like he had like a Joe Theismann injury. One of those where they were like, oh, he's fucked up. Oh, he's fucked up. That even made Lawrence Taylor freak out. Lawrence Taylor's the most vicious motherfucker in the field. He would try to take your head off. When he jumped up and down waving his hands like a girl going, oh, God, oh, God.

Waving in. He had his hands on his helmet like you knew shit was wrong you're like there's something wrong buckling at the knees like going i can't believe that shit just happened because any other time when he downed somebody he would then fucking yell at them yeah and walk away or do finger guns at him or do something to be like fuck you motherfucker i got you and this one he's like oh god save him so I feel like he had a Theismann-esque injury. He went real feminine when he saw it. He did. He was like, oh, God.

Oh, God. So, I mean, when you can turn that guy, this baddest motherfucker on the field, most vicious cat out there, into, oh, no. Oh, no. Save him. Oh, Jesus. And outwardly, because you can't hear what he's saying. No.

It looks just like an excited homosexual who just saw his favorite color on a building. Or is being swarmed by bees. Either one. Oh, stop it. like an excited homosexual. Yeah, just saw his favorite color on a building or a or is being swarmed by bees. Either one. Stop it. Oh, my God. They're everywhere. Get them away. Coach, come here and help me. Come to look like he's a homosexual that just saw a sale on ascots.

You know, you're a British one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking. Obviously, he's Charles. you know you're a british one a british guy we're talking about obviously charles said quote i had a bad injury with villa in 1996 a horrendous injury seeing your foot pointing the opposite direction a lot of people said i wouldn't play again maybe i shouldn't have played again i feel i had issues with drink from a young age because of how it made me feel looking back i believe it was about the injuries I had. I drank when I was injured. When I was playing all the time, life was good.

I was disciplined until I had a bender. And that's kind of what it is. And he said two years of being in this condition was just too much for him. He said he hated going to the training ground in the morning just to hang out there because he couldn't do anything. He said he just hated not being a part of things. And he said not only would he go out at night, now he started to drink just to get through days. So now he'd start drinking during the day.

He'd go to the training, watch them get depressed, go fucking drink. So that's tough right there. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you.

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you'd learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here?

Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. So he's depressed, he's drinking, he's hurt, he's he's injured the whole deal he's having a hard time life is not good he said when i did get back i wasn't quick in my head my career was over i was 26 and in my prime we had won the league championship or the league cup and had been

promised new contracts but i didn't get mine i guess because he was hurt he said i'm the first to admit i have i've had many issues with drinking and I'm a recovering alcoholic, but my drinking was very different from someone drinking every day. It wasn't all the time. It would be the odd time that would last two or three days. He's a big binge drinker. He said, quote, I wasn't a typical alcoholic.

I could stop and go long periods of time without drinking. But toward the end of my football career, it would last a little bit longer. Definitely. As soon as I was back to full fitness, I would go back to my disciplined life again. So it seemed like a lot of shit was just depending on what was going on in his life. Like if he could stay busy enough. Yeah. Then he was fine.

Keep your mind off of it and whatever. Then he wouldn't like go drink all night and then show up the next morning all hung over and fucked up and like he would that wasn't his style generally so it's weird it's got a weird type of thing here this guy so i mean like everything he does seems out of character because you're like this seems odd not just out of character for a person just out of character for an athlete because a lot of these guys will just fucking they'll just tie it on and then just go to work. They go full bore on everything. Everything they do is full bore. Right. It's just the way it is.

Yeah. So with this team here, he ends up appearing in 80 matches and having three goals. They won the League Cup, but he was injured. He scored like six goals right now. That's what I mean. And he's made like $6 million. That means so much money for scoring very little goals. He barely scored any more than I did in the 90s, and I didn't make any pounds off of it.

So late 1990s is when he says he first went to Alcoholics Anonymous. He said he was in his mid-20s, but he received no offer of counseling from the team or anything like that, which he said he didn't tell them about it also. He said, quote, alarm bells were probably always ringing. Even when I was 18, I would stay out a little bit longer than others. I didn't like the taste, but it took the nervous edge off. I could always leave booze alone and not touch it for two years. So then he says, two years at a time. He said, no two alcoholics are the same.

I would go out with the forest lads and drink orange juice. I would go out for 51 weeks on the year and be fine. Then on the 52nd week, I may go out and stay out for three days drinking on my own. So it wasn't about partying or social acceptance. It was I'm going to make the pain go bye-bye now for the entire fucking time. I've put up with this for 51 weeks. Yeah. This week is my week.

This is it. I'm going to push it all down. This is my cheat week. Yeah. He pushes it all down, and then he's good for the next 51 weeks. He said, people said I must have been out enjoying myself, but it was lonely, hiding drinks from the family at home. He says, even when I went out for two days, I would beat everybody on the fitness test the next morning. So that he had, and he was always in shape.

That was fine. I mean, yeah. Two days of drinking is not going to ruin your whole fucking year of fitness, dude. It makes sense. And generally, these guys, too, these athletes get in the thing of where they drink, like Rod would tell me in baseball, they had the drink a case, sweat a case motto, which that's what it was. If you drink a case of beer the night before, you get on the fucking exercise bike or the

Stairmaster and you sweat the case out the next morning so you can get your shit together somebody's a baseball player that's not how that works no no that's that was literally like this was in the 90s probably and and but but rod was like he would have been great in like the 50s and 60s like that kind of guy he would have been awesome earlier like mickey mannell was getting blow jobs yeah the bleachs and 60s, that kind of guy. He would have been awesome for that shit. Or earlier, like Mickey Mantle was getting blowjobs underneath the bleachers in the outfield. Yeah, that's what that was. That's awesome. They're drinking a lot.

You don't expect baseball players to have the greatest knowledge when a slump buster, because you can't get a hit, you go out and nail a fat chick. That was Mark Grace's. That was the famous old thing. That's what you do to get a hit. What? Baseball players are weird, man. They did a thing that they used to, I don't know, probably not now, but old school, back

in the day, they would do something called beaver shooting. What is this? Which was finding women in the crowd or anywhere that either you could see up their skirt or they had cleavage showing or in hotels, they would go up to the roofs with binoculars and try to look in windows to see women undressing. These were grown men. Like guys were known as like guys like, oh, this guy's got traded on the team. He's a good beaver shooter.

We like this guy. Like literally that's what it was like. Half of your social status on the team was if you could find, look up women's skirts. It was fucking perverted and weird. The new outfielder is great. He memorized the floor out way. He can tell you every section and where the tits are. No, in that Ball 4 book, they would talk about this one particular hotel they loved because

the way the hotel was, you could get on the roof and see in windows. Wow. So he said on the Yankees, Mickey Mantle and all those guys would go, Mickey, famous, huge idol of millions. One of the worst people ever. Oh, terrible person too, Mickey. Complete asshole. Complete piece of shit.

Treated kids like shit. He was a total asshole. Fucking, but he would be on the roof going, oh, check out down there. Then they'd all pass the binoculars around. Guys would have beaver shooting kits. Kits. Because they would go under doors and like with little mirrors and try to see women in their hotel room changing. Literally, they had plans where they'd have a guy with a lookout.

They'd have change on the floor in case anybody turned the corner. They'd act like they were picking up change. Wow. They had it all planned out, dude. It's fucking nuts. The same shit some dude got sued for by Aaron Andrews over. One guy, he had a drill thing where he would drill holes in the walls of hotel rooms, of adjoining rooms to see women.

I'm like, this is all criminal behavior. All of this. Through the eyelids of the painting in the room? Yeah. Everything he's doing is a felony. Jesus Christ. Everything. So it's ridiculous.

Way to go, Mark Gray. Way to go. Yeah, let's blame it all on Mark Gray, so I think. I'm sure he's fine with it he doesn't give a shit that guy doesn't care about anything no no i don't know when this practice ended or i know in the 70s it was still going on yeah because i remember in sparky lyle's book he talks about it too he just mentions it in passing beaver shooting and i'm like holy shit that's the late 70s it's still going on so we know that so uh he ends up leaving England here in 1999.

January 14th, 1999, he signs with Benfica, Benfica? I don't know. In Portugal. A Portuguese team for a million pounds. This is Sport Lisboa e Benfica. Okay. I don't know how the fuck that works. Lesbo?

Lisboa. Like Lisbon. They're fuck that works. Lesbo? Lisboa. Like Lisbon. They're from Lisbon. That's where they're based. Lisbon, Portugal. And they have nothing but lesbians on the team. They told Gary he has to pretend to be a woman. He was like, I'll do it.

For a million pounds, I'll do a Tootsie. Let's do it. So I guess they're like a premier League team in the Portuguese football system. So they're a top-tier team. He was the backup choice, apparently, after they tried to get some other guy, Ole Luzuni. Ole? Ole. O-L-E-H.

Ole? Ole? Ole? In another language. Who knows if it's Oleg in that language? I don't fucking care. It doesn't matter. Anyway, he kept getting injured in Portugal. That could be Gary there. We don't know. That's what I mean. I don't fucking care. It doesn't matter. Anyway, he kept getting injured in Portugal.

That could be Gary there. We don't know. That's what I mean. I assume it's Gary. You're right. It's Gary. Everybody in soccer. It's Portugal Gary.

It's Portuguese Gary. Hey, Lisbon Gary, how's it going? So he ends up six days after getting there. He sprains his right knee and has a rupture of the joint capsule in his knee, and he's out for two months. Oh, my God. So he's there for six days, and he's injured already, Gary Charles. He finally makes his debut when they lose 3-0 against another team in March, and he only plays three more games and scores one goal, actually, in the four games he played. That's great.

Hey, look at that. And then he sidelined again due to a sports hernia. That's great. Hey, look at that. And then he sidelined again due to a sports hernia, which is... That's terrible. Yeah, that's terrible. That's bad. They wrote it as due to pubalgia. This is like the medical term for it. It's something bulging.

Yeah. So I looked it up and I'm like, oh, sports hernia, otherwise known as a hockey hernia, hockey groin, which I think is a hilarious... Hockey groin? I got the hockey groin. It's in your a hilarious hockey groin i got the hockey groin in your belly yeah weird gilmore's groin how bad was this guy's fucking groin like his groin is shit we gotta name a whole disease after a lumpy dick let's just call everybody gilmore or quote groin disruption i think that's the best one of all of them i think that describes it perfectly good god that's a groin disruption uh so he's injured there you've seen it obviously yeah it's not

good not that is my bad injury my grandfather had a double one for fuck 30 years before he finally went yeah back in the day they used to just let it go the grossest thing i've ever seen it's your guts hanging out of your belly you gotta poke that back in there and he'd do it yeah watching tv he'd be like look at this it fell out and i was like what and i'd look and it looked like yeah just like a tumor and he just push it back in at your intestines so uh that was what you ate last night that was gross see that pork chop so he spends the entire summer recovering uh he's put on the transfer list by the manager Jupp Hankins H-E-Y-N-C-K-E-S H-E-Y-N-C-K-E-S Gary. Fucking

Gary. Or Jupp in his country. So he ends up... Jerry. Jerry. Which is Gary over there. So he ends up leaving there. He heads back to England. He ends up with what was described as his home team kind of around the area of West Ham United. Not Westham.

West Ham. Two separate words. Actual ham. Perfect. West Boiled Ham United. Because that East Ham is a real piece of shit. Oh, you don't want to play for them. They're awful.

Everybody to know how great our ham is over here. Our ham is much better. We make the best ham. We're not North Ham. Don't get me wrong. I mean, fucking, it's hard to compete with that. But we're no East Ham. We'll tell you that shit right now.

We do put cloves and pineapple on it. You know. It's delicious. It's pretty good. Glazed, it's not bad. So he ends up there. 1.2 million pounds he makes off of this. So he's still getting paid somehow.

He hasn't fucking played in years. And when he does play, he's not that great. And he's getting paid millions of pounds for this. Huge money. How in demand are your soccer players over there he just gets to drink beer all day pretty much what a life that's a life he's got he's also loaned to birmingham city birmingham city uh for three appearances there also i guess they weren't using him for a minute so like you guys can grab him for a second he ends up up appearing in West Ham in three years. He has five appearances and no goals.

Wow. But he also made 1.2 million pounds. That's incredible. That is awesome. Can you imagine not scoring a single point in the NBA? Only five times, too? You had to run around? Fuck, dude.

I would so do that. Appearances. Not even the whole game. No. Unbelievable. It doesn't say you have to play a certain amount of time. Ridiculous. Okay.

January 24th, 2001. Wow. He ends up, the police are looking for him. Oh, boy. He ends up finding them eventually, or they find him, or a little of both. They are interested in talking to him because his 70,000 pound Mercedes is found abandoned after a car crash. Oh, boy.

So they're like, well, this is a problem. Did it get stolen from him? Did he crash? What happened? It's a very expensive car. it's a nice fucking car uh he voluntarily later on shows up at a london police station here uh it was left with its lights on and keys in the ignition just going usually indicates it wasn't stolen that's yeah lights on keys in the ignition after he he got a fucking accident with another car he got an

accident not like he hit a wall and walked away. He got an accident with a red Ford Sierra on High Street. I don't know what a Sierra is in British because they have different names. And on High Street in Horn Church, Essex, the police said they were continuing. They had to continue to investigate the incident. And it took a while for him to turn himself in. Once they said they were looking for him. He's like, shit, I can't just get away with this uh they said it was it's a ford

sierra that's mixing two american vehicles yeah yeah gmc has the sierra yeah do that over there they're like it doesn't your copyright is only good for america assholes the uh spokesman for scotland yard said quote it was a minor collision. They both stopped, and then the Mercedes drove off again, and the Sierra followed him for a short way. Now, what he did was the Sierra followed him, so he stopped, tossed the other driver his keys at this point. Then he ended up getting them back and putting them in. So he tossed the other driver his keys and saying that he was a bank robber on the run.

Oh, boy. They're like, no, you're not. He's like he's like okay fine we've seen you play in five games this year sir yeah they said quote the driver in the mercedes then ran off and that was that in the bmw in the end of yeah no ran it was a mercedes or was it the bmw mercedes he's always got a mercedes crashes multiple mercedes oh boy that's his that's his brand how great would it be if in if in england like a ford f-150 is the Ford Sierra? It probably is. Like a GMC F-150. They're like, you motherfuckers. You know what you're doing.

Right. We can't sue them. Everybody shifts them around. That's awesome. So July 29th, 2002, he decides that it's over and he's going to retire. He's had enough. He's done. He's had enough.

He says, quote, I never fulfilled my potential. Whether that was the drink, I don't know. I also had a lot of injuries. I never liked being in the limelight. It wasn't for me. I came from a council estate in East London, which is the projects, basically. The money kind of thing embarrassed me. When I was at West Ham, I was drinking a lot more. Really, I wish I'd sat down with manager Harry Redknapp and told him how I was feeling. Can I tell him that I'm not embarrassed by the money? No. You can't handle it, sir.

Yeah, he was, I guess it's, you know, he's a humble kind of a guy. Think of a couple of dudes that could use it. Yeah, you can, patreon.com slash crime and sports. Head on over to PayPal and make a one-time donation of as much of that as you'd like to drop in our account. We will not be embarrassed to take all of that from you. I'm not embarrassed to pay my bills at all. Just great. You know what is embarrassing?

When they call you and you have to explain when you're going to pay. That shit's embarrassing. So if you're embarrassed, pass it on to us. So in his career, he has 216 appearances and eight goals. That's total. In the Premier League, he had three goals and eight assists total in all of his time there. Not terrific. Not huge numbers.

No. And he says at this point, too, this is 2001, too, his life is fucking falling apart. His wife, Michelle, or his girlfriend, Michelle, left him after 12 years. He has three young boys.

She takes all three of them with him. Oh, no. With her. She shouldn't leave a few behind. He said he missed his boys like crazy. At this point, too, he sets up a company selling windows. I don't know what that's all about, but it doesn't work out. Apparently, we'll talk a little bit more about it.

Apparently, there was a manager that was kind of embezzling money. There was some problem with it. He got fucked over in the window business. Hired a friend. He hired a friend, I'm sure. Yeah, or a nephew or something uh he said also his dad his stepdad i guess died of emphysema around this time and he said that he said that meant the world to him and the guy he said he died in his arms he said after that the drinking got so bad that i'd wake up in the morning with

the shakes and i would need a drink to stop them it's called alcoholism that's real hardcore alcoholism though that's like oh boy you yeah if a drink if you drink if you it's like the kingpin thing he's like he's throwing up he's like are you drinking again he goes i get sick when i don't drink that's the problem that's where he's at right now yeah uh he said in the afternoon i go to the quietest pub in town sit on my own in the corner and drink until closing time sometime i'd wake up in a police cell because i have something i couldn't even remember so he's going into a real dark period of unfulfilled potential career over losing that status at the same time losing his family and everything else when nothing he's taught everything he's touching is turning to shit now from a guy who everything was kind of gold before this is tough it's and this is so

common when athletes careers are over the divorce rate for them in like the first two years of retirement is so high because they've never that relationship has never worked like that of you being home all the time and and no not a huge paycheck coming anywhere now it's a fixed income it's a fixed income we're stuck where we're at and you have to deal with my shit and i'm not on the road six months a year and i'm not out getting strange pussy all the time so i'm stuck with yours exactly and you don't want to give it to me the way the road road gash does it so now we're now neither of us are happy there's a standoff here we have a problem so uh may of 2003 and listen the beaver spotting has slowed down. The beaver shooting, it's just not what it used to be.

Let's just say. It's just not. I have my binoculars, but now it's a lot creepier than if a bunch of guys did it together. If a bunch of guys did it together. I don't know, that was considered like just a boys will be boys thing. Boys will be peeping Tom fucking... That's so weird.

I'm standing on the roof of the roadway in and all I see is the inside of the bowling alley where those tits I don't want to see. Yeah. I don't want to see those. No, I don't think so. Not at the bowling alley. This beaver shooting has really gone downhill. This is a terrible beaver shooting place here.

It's league night too, so it's not. This is bad. It's really bad on league night. My tits are dude's tits. This isn't good. They're big. They are big. I'll give them that.

And I got to try to look at them through an Amana-sponsored shirt. Not helping. A shirt that says Whirlpool on the big fat man tit. But when he goes for the spare, they do swing. I'll say that. They are pendulous. They make me a little excited. So May of 2003, he's got a rental car, and he abandons it on the road, on a slip road, which

I have no idea what the fuck that means. But on a road. Slippery road? Nope, just slip road. Not a slippery, like slippery. Nope. No, it's England. It always fucking rains.

Those letters do not appear on this word. It's just slip road. I don't know. Maybe that's like an on-ramp. I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know. But he ends up refusing to take a breathalyzer test after this, which you shouldn't do.

He flees the vehicle, which is found off the A448 in Worcestershire with their amazing sauce. Now, this is the one here. This is fucking amazing. So good on a Follett-Mignon. Oh, the best. good on a phillette mcnaughan oh the best he there's torn up torn up money in the car that he leaves behind and an empty bottle of vodka in the footwell uh and he ends up being arrested nearby in a tent he's just went and walked around nearby did give away whose car that is yeah yeah somebody's embarrassed by money oh look also they drink like he's ripping up money and drinking so

i don't know what he's ripping up money for here you're retired you should put that in your pocket and save that shit now september of 2003 uh this is a few months later he has another incident this is when things start to come hot and heavy for him uh he leaves a pub and you could pretty much follow his path from the pub uh if you had an aerial view based on destruction and things being broken and bushes being laid down and, uh, you know, some broken glass here, uh,

Godzilla's trail through England. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Yeah. He takes his, uh, his Mercedes as this, I love this newspaper account.

They quote, they said, quote into a series of obstacles. Oh boy. I don't think they're meant to be obstacles. I don't, there's no obstacles on the road. Like,

Hey, we'll set this up in case people want to fuck around. I don't think that's how it works. It's not like a dog park. No, this is in Derbyshire. Yeah. Before swerving to avoid. Derbyshire.

Right. Before swerving to avoid cars and finally reversing the vehicle into a hedge. He apparently knocked a wall down, reversed into a hedge, went end up going up on sidewalks and pavements and just missed other cars and then finally jesus christ a witness earlier had spotted him pounding the convertible with his fit he was outside the car beating his car earlier so he was beating his car then he got in and just started bashing into shit so like a kirby like was that what his name was the herbie herbie herbie does it just do what it wants? Is that what it is?

He's mad at the car. I don't think it wants him to punch it, probably. So he beat the shit out of the car, then got in it and just bashed into things. How drunk? Have you ever... You've been drinking and driving, right? I don't drink, really, so no. I've done it.

I'm not saying I do it. I'm not a drinker. But I've done it. And I've never been so drunk that I've done that, ever. No, this is angry drunk when i'm that drunk this car bang bang fucking 10 and 2 so careful yeah he's like mcnulty from the wire like i'm gonna take that left hand turn he kept bashing into you never mind fuck i give up god damn it i was so on board i was like yeah shit never mind i don't get he was drunk and did the same thing he

took a left hand turn and took it too wide because he was drunk and hit like a pillar. That'll do it. So he looked at the car and looked at the turn and went back and tried to do it again. Hit the fucking pillar again. He's like, shit, man, I'm going to do this and kept doing it until he was fucking ridiculous. So he does all this. They finally find him being he was found slumped on the floor of his Mercedes. The car is his car is blocking a

busy road yeah not even off to the side of the road he's just like this is far enough and pays like a two-year-old who wreaked havoc on the living room and then just passed out in the corner like two-year-olds do that's what he did basically uh they said that he could not stand up without assistance that his speech was slurred and that his eyes were glazed over at that point. They said that he is, Jesus Christ, they asked him to take a breathalyzer, and he told the officers to piss off, which is, I don't think you're allowed to do that. That's an indicator that you're drunk. That's the thing.

If you're, you know what the deal is, yeah. That's more of an indicator that you're drunk than not being able to do the abcs backward like no that's worse standing on one foot and i if you tell me piss off as an officer when i ask you for a breath a lot you're clearly you there's a reason that you don't want to do that yeah piss off too is like i don't have to do shit you fucking he's just fucking angry yeah which is that that's hilarious to me and it makes me fucking laugh at you drunks because i my uncle was this drunk like this is the guy that my uncle was i watched him in a hospital bed shaking uh trying to detox from booze and it's

not a it's not a happy thing it's it's fucking pathetic and it's sad that people allow themselves to get to this position and that he is continuing that behavior is even more fucking depressing and and i would say now he's affecting other people's lives he is and would you like to hear how he also affected his own life and our life but for the positive right now yeah okay well uh he was found passed out in the car yeah uh also all around him torn up money yeah and in the back seat a pile of shit so there's that i was just dying to tell you that beautiful back seat pile of shit he does not care at all he shit yeah didn't really clean up that much and just fucking had shit all over him

so they find him so did he shit in the front seat and throw it into the back i feel like he tried to shit in the back but it's hard to shit in the back seat of a car so he like just kind of shit some turds and then pulled his pants up but still had shit all over him jesus christ so they found him all shitty surrounded by torn up money passed cold, blocking a major road in his car. This is embarrassing fucking behavior, I would say. His eyes were glazed over like they said. What a... Jesus Christ.

Imagine the people arriving to fucking find this. No. The police are, oh, Jesus, it's this guy. What is that? Jesus fucking Christ. Is that shit? My God. did you shit yourself in there you shit on your seat the door is the same amount of distance why do you shit out

the door why would you shit in your car what did that says to me he stood on the one foot driver yeah one seat passenger and then just had a lead back and it was like it'll rock it out i swear right now i feel like i got i feel like feel like I got a lot of stoned up. It's going to fire. I feel like there's some pressure behind it. Yeah. So I feel like this is clear indications that I feel like he hates money. He's tearing up money.

He's beating up his car. I know. Maybe he was saving the money. And he was like, look, I'll do it half at a time and try to get the most out of these He could have used the money to wipe his ass. That's thing yeah and then tore it up no no these were clean shit free bills he tore shit up so he beat up his car tore up money and then spashed his car all around so i feel like he doesn't like he's trying to avoid the trappings of also it's a convertible drop the top and lean out the window what are you doing thing too people would have saw you

shitting if the top was open so i don't know so at this point yeah they they arrive on the scene to find this fucking mess yeah you know they pull him out of the car they said he couldn't stand up without assistance and his eyes were glazed over he was a fucking disaster all the cops were there if i stare at him my ass cheeks will slide together i don't want to stand up do it he was very very confused too because he was didn't know what the fuck was happening obviously because he was shit-faced and like he said i wake up in jail cells not knowing what happened and he was even more confused when he heard a bunch of dogs barking he's like oh i don't have any drugs and then it wasn't it wasn't the drug dogs instead it was bobby colorado animal trainer from

fredericksburg texas and he says how is it you come to arrive here huh what the fuck is wrong what are you shitting in your fucking car what the fuck is wrong listen to me pal hey face and shit ass listen to me you see this dog right here? You know the last time this dog shit inside? Never. Never. You know when it shit in the car last? Never.

Never once shit in the fucking car. But you are a human being with money in you fucking pocket. You're famous. You're going out there. People kissing your fucking ass. You're thinking you're from Brazil or whatever the fuck they think. And you shit on your back seat. Not only that, you tear up a bunch of fucking money. Listen, guy shit on your back seat not only that you tear up

a bunch of fucking money listen guy where i'm from you don't tear up fucking money you know what i mean you go that you kick it upstairs maybe to somebody listen that's not you don't know anything you never hear that okay you didn't hear that you don't know nothing about where i'm from all right don't worry about it yeah that's just uh texas i'm from fredericksburg texas you don't know what that is i'm on england on. I took my dogs over here and you got to fuck. Never mind. I got to get the fuck out of here. Why don't you get a dog?

Maybe get your shit together. I don't know. And you cannot have a one of mine, though, because you'll just shit all over it or whatever. Get a drunk. Get the fuck out of here. Poof. And in a cloud of marinara sauce and dog shit, he's gone. And Gary Charles is very confused.

He said, where was that accent from? One, he said he's from Texas, but it didn't sound like Texas. And why is he in England? Very confused. The whole world is upside down for him. Now, December 17th, 2003, he's facing jail about this whole thing. He's in court facing jail. They hear about how he told the officers to piss off when they tried to breathalyze him.

tried to breathalyze him. They talk about his other problems because he had another issue in that same day. The pub thing was the shitting. I had to get to the shitting first. But the other issue, for some reason, he was at a hair salon

and shit-faced at a hair salon and terrorized the staff by kicking their doors open. And then when they locked him out, he started spitting at the windows. Well, he was looking for a toilet. Yeah, obviously he needed one. I have to shit.

Clearly, I have to shit. I'll do it right here, goddammit. So they kick him out, or they call the cops, and then that's where they end up finding him. So they put those two together that he's the same guy. Shit-faced and shit-assed. That's the name of the song. That's it.

Shit-faced, and I wish we could put shit in the title. That'd be amazing. So he begs the judge to spare him jail time. He says that he needs help to beat his alcohol addiction. His lawyer says, quote, he has problems with alcohol, which has greatly contributed to his actions. I'd say it's 99% of them. It's the majority. Yeah.

He regrets what he's done and is disgusted with himself. The court now has a stark choice. Is it because he shit on himself? Because he shit on himself and everyone knows that he had shit smeared all over his clothing. He and all of us are disgusted with him. Not to mention,

you'll never get that smell out of that car. He's going to have to sell it. We're going to have to rent that out again. That's done. So he says he regrets what he's done and is disgusted with himself. The court now has a stark choice. Send him to prison or make him tackle his addiction.

He says, quote, the problems with alcohol have come about because of a number of factors that have confronted him. This is a disease. In 2003, as you can see from the litany of cases before the court has been that kick up the proverbial. He's saying if you care, he might need to kick up the ass, is what they're saying, to get him out of this. I love that they're using fucking euphemisms. Kick up the proverbial, which means that's a really cool way of saying

a kick in the ass in court. You can say that in court. So American lawyers, take notice. Kick up the proverbial. You all knew what we were talking about. That's pretty fucking smart. God damn it. You guys are smart.

Anytime you're here, your perp shit somewhere. Just say he needs a kick up. Kick up the proverbial. He had to shit out the proverbial. So, yeah, he said he's due to sentence him. He's going to get sentenced for this later on in his next appearance, which is on the 27th of January. This is just to plead guilty kind of thing. He admits to dangerous driving, failure to give breath specimens after the incident over there.

And it'll come back to court the next month after he's assessed for treatment and whatever. So January 20th, 2004. Now he's in jail. You'd think he'd be on his best behavior. He's being evaluated for all his shit. He is fined 280 pounds for urinating in his cell. So I don't know why he would do that. This guy hates toilets.

He hates toilets. He really does. At least it wasn't on his bunk. Right. For shitting on his pillow. I would have said, okay, now he's really got a problem. He's shitting on his pillow now. So January 27th, 2004, he's back in court this is facing jail time now they uh they hear the whole thing about him and you know the whole incident and shit and when you bring shit up they everybody probably just went oh jesus god

my god uh so he admits what a shame every time i see that on like lockup or whatever they're like i'll spread feces on myself. Stop calling it feces. Yeah, yeah. That is not what that is. Makes it grosser. Makes it more gross. That is human shit, sir. Yeah.

I throw feces on the guards. No, you don't. You throw your shit at them. No, you throw shit and piss. That's disgusting. You nasty motherfucker. Stop that. So for mitigation, his lawyer said that he went into decline.

Charles did after his injury. He said, quote, he received a damaging injury and his career was put on hold for two years. He developed an alcohol illness. They said that he was a career alcoholic. They said, his lawyer said, quote, playing football is what he was put on earth to do. He's ashamed of what he's done.

He is ill. So they're just going with the mercy of the court defense here, which makes a lot of fucking sense, I would say. They said that there's too many aggravating features in this case not to jail him, a little bit at least here. They said, quote, his lawyer said, whatever people think about footballers or read in the media, the plain truth is that these are people who simply want to play football and are disappointed when they cannot. Well, that doesn't mean they can shit in their cars and drive it into fucking walls and leave it in protracted. And it was a rental. No, this one was his and leave it in for travel. And it was a rental.

It's not even this one was his car that he shit in. Only the one was a rental. All right. Everything else is his personal car that he's beating the shit out of for some reason. Even still, every time they keep saying ashamed, you know, they're like hit the slide. It just comes up with the car full of shit. Him with his head down, shit all over his back. He's ashamed of himself.

Click. Can you see that? See the shame? Crime scene footage. They said, quote, as his career in football shit all up his back. He's ashamed of himself. Click. Can you see that? See the shame? Crime scene footage. They said, quote, as his career in football, his professional career ended, so he once again took up his career as an alcoholic. My God. It coincided with the breakup of his marriage to wife Michelle and his three children went

to live with their mother. His stepfather died and another relationship with a woman went pear-shaped. He had set up a business to provide a diversion at the end of his playing career but they've uh but found the manager was trading fraudulently and then that his best friend had began stealing money from him jesus christ he also said that uh he can't help it basically he's like look at him he's at the hair salon he's pissing in his cell he's got fucking problems he's seeking help, quote, with the benefit of hindsight, he is ashamed of what he's done. The tenth time they've used shame

in a thing. These were symptoms of the illness that he suffers from. Throw the mercy of the court. So they end up letting him go. So he does like a couple days and they let him go on this one. They're like, he needs help. Whatever. He's going to get help. Everything's

fine. That's January 2004, end of January. Let's make a fresh start. He's admitted he has a problem, finally. He's going to work this out. May 28, 2004, he, Jesus Christ, he grabs a woman's breast

and threatens to beat her up. For Pete's sake. Yes. A stranger? A stranger. Oh, my God. Yeah, a stranger. He is sent to jail for that.

He's arrested, and he goes to jail. And then he ends up being sent to jail for another day after interrupting the court. He was an asshole in court. The judge finally then lets him go the next day, lets him out of jail. After a sexual assault. Sexual assault and threatened to beat her up so sexual assault and threat of violence and then disrupted court and they were like we think you've learned your lesson even though home even yeah even though i told you three months ago that

if you fucked up at all you were going to go to jail you're not going to go to fucking jail oh boy so he's getting the he's getting the soccer player uh leniency yeah he's getting the little little bump from that gravitas the judge instead tells him quote hopefully you've reached the bottom if not let's find out what you do on the streets to be a menace tomorrow let's see where that is if this ain't it he promised to beat his alcoholism and this was never going to be a problem again he admitted common assault and was cleared of the indecent assault i I guess that was probably the deal. He was ordered to pay 500 pounds compensation to the victim and 2,600 pounds in court costs.

And a 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. curfew was imposed on him now. So now he's not even allowed to fucking go out. Now he's got to be in at night. On the way out of court, what do you think? Shit his pants. Well, shit his pants, took it out, threw it at the reporters. No, you would imagine there's going to be a lot of reporters there. And he should either, two options of handling this.

You either don't say shit, you keep walking, or you just go, you try to act contrite about it. And you say, you know, just working on my problems. Or you say whatever. What you don't do is this, okay? This is what you don't do. When you're trying to show. On his way out. On his way out of court, when you're trying to show contrition, this is what you don't do,

especially after a judge just against all judgment and logic fucking let you go. I've changed my life. I'm going to go home and work on myself. He says, as the reporters asked him questions, quote, at the end of the day, I go back to my big mansion and your lives don't mean shit and he got in his mercedes and drove away oh my god so that is as much of exactly the asshole

behavior you're expecting from this guy and he displayed it in full force as he walked out as he walked out of court for grabbing a woman's tit right yeah uh and putting himself at the mercy of the court at the end of the, go back to my big mansion. Your lives don't mean shit. And is the paperwork already filed? Nice fucking guy. That you got off? Because can they rescind that?

Well, I mean, that's not illegal. But that's just being a fucking asshole. If he said that on the way in, the judge would have probably been like, clearly you haven't learned shit. Right. I'd like you to not go back to your big mansion. I'd like you to go back to our big mansion with bars in it, you fucking asshole. back to your big mansion. I'd like you to go back to our big mansion with bars in it, you fucking asshole. And now back to the show.

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So download all of these shows and make each week on podcastonesports.com or wherever you get your favorite podcasts today. There's a video online of a girl being hauled in for her drug problem and being arrested for Xanax. And the judge tells her, asks her if she's got stuff that she has that she can put up for a lawyer. And she says she has a bunch of jewelry or whatever. So he tells her she's got like 50 grand or whatever to get her bond.

And she's like, are you serious? And he's like, I'm serious. And then she walks away and tells him, fuck you. And then he goes, no, no, no. Come back. Come back. And then makes it like 150 or some shit. I'm still a judge.

Yeah, I could be a dick even more. I wish the Brits would do the same shit. Yeah. When he walks out saying he's going back to my big man. At least he was outside. How about you come to our big mansion? The judge was sipping a brandy by then. He's in his chambers.

He didn't give a fuck. He took his wig off. Once the wig is off, court's over. That's it. He's not putting it back on. I'm going to re-powder that to put him in jail. I'm going to re-powder my wig? What are you?

I'm not going to re-powder. I'm going to re-wig for you? put him in jail. I'm going to re-powder my wig? What are you fucking... I'm not going to re-powder. I'm going to re-wig for you? Get the fuck out of here. I will get powder in my brandy. No. I already wiped off my eyeliner. I'm not going out there. Fuck it.

I already took the lipstick off. Jesus. So early 2005, he is in... Fuck me. He's in a fucking argument while waiting for a cab. He's at like a cab stand type thing, like a cab. He's going to cab fight over a cab he gets in an argument with a woman oh boy and uh he uh basically she says who she recognized him or he says who he was i don't know if he's trying to pick him pick her up with who he was and he she joked at him that he wasn't good enough to pay

for uh to play for manchester united and laughed at. So, once again, he has options of how he can handle this. She hasn't heard of his titty assault, has he? He could laugh. Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't think she has. He could laugh and just be like, I guess not, whatever, and still try to whatever. Or he can be like, hey, fuck you. Or he can just say nothing and walk away.

Or he could say, neither are you, honey. Neither are you. Yeah, neither of us are, I guess. Ha ha. And then try to get a blowjob. We should both fuck. I don't know. He takes a different path.

This one wasn't even on my radar when I heard this of what to do. He knocks her down and repeatedly kicks her in the face and head. That's a good way to do it. That's what he does. He loses his mind and beats the shit out of this woman in broad fucking public in front of everybody. Wow. Just knocks her the fuck down and just repeatedly kicks her about the head and face basically till he's pulled off of her yeah he's pummeling this

fucking woman like like she owes him money we'll get those kicks you think those are good how about this goal goal goal i got about five goals so far sweetheart goal goal i'm good enough now what an asshole i got five goals today uh he had been warned that he would go to prison if he committed any other thing like that or failed to carry out the community service that he was uh that he was sentenced to before so you figure he's fucking going to jail now gotta be suspended sentence no i'm gonna let him go again again again he's not going to jail i would say this is the way it's an escalation this is the worst one so far. He actually harmed a person now more than a

tit twister even. He kicked a woman in the fucking face. She would have loved to have her tit grabbed at that point probably. Purple nurple apart from getting my face kicked in? By a fucking soccer player who knows how to kick? I'll take the purple nurple in a second. I would say so. So he's out on the streets. Now he's really got to pull it together, I would think. Now he's

going to stay inside. He's not going to fuck around. You would think that until December 18, 2006. Oh, my God. When he's jailed again, he's out at a bar, and he gets in an argument with a bouncer, which is never a good thing. Gets in an argument with a bouncer, which you're never going to win. Never. There's more of them.

If they call the cops, they're going to drag you away. Stop fighting with bouncers. What he does is he threatens the doorman with a knife that he did not have. He says, I got a knife and I'm going to stab you. He had no knife. So he's like a hand in his pocket. Like, I got a fucking knife right here. Like an old timey.

Put him up, pal. He put his hand in his pocket and made a finger gun. That's what he did. He made a finger knife. He was like, I got a knife right here, buddy. And they were like, okay. What the fuck? Did he beat the shit out of him this is what no this is then it got broken up he said he had a knife so they're like oh he's got a knife and then other bouncers came and cops came and arrested him and they're like hey fucking idiot you're you know in a public

place where's your knife what a fucking idiot right here right here and my fan point of finger my index pow uh so this is a fucking mess man uh a complete disaster his his lawyer here said quote when he gets taken to court for this he's an alcoholic and has been for many years to get himself alcohol free will be a real struggle for mr charles however he's made great strides no he hasn't has he what great strides has he made name one he went from beating up his car to kicking women in the face and threatening to stab people. That's an escalation. It's actually the opposite.

The judge said, this is one of the best ones here, by the way. I love these British judges. They're so good. Fucking sum shit up and they just knock you down to size and then just blow you off the fucking table. Bye. Take it. Take it.

He says, this is Judge Andrew Hamilton. Let's see where credit's due. He says, there really does come a time when the police and everyone else has to have a rest from Gary Charles. I hope it knocks some sense into his head. You, sir, may fuck off. 12 months in prison.

Well, that's a year. Finally, a fucking year finally yeah i love that by the way there's a comes a time when the police and everyone else has to have a rest from you you asshole you're just too much for us we need a year break from you and your shenanigans yes go shit in that toilet there you go go there you go he says and let's do it in their own words here because uh this this is just an interesting one here. He says about this whole thing in their own words, quote, But I do think the court punished me more for being a professional footballer.

I don't expect any sympathy because I've always hated people who drink drive. After all, I've got three boys of my own whom I adore and I want to be safe. People said I wouldn't be able to cope in prison because they think I'm a pampered ex-footballer used to living in big houses and driving nice cars. But I grew up in the tough area of East End of London and I didn't have it easy. Yeah, but here's the thing, sir. That's a long time

ago, number one. But you also don't know that I was punished because I'm a... No. Yeah, I think the court punished me more. It's always the opposite. You get off... Yeah.

Like, when you kicked that lady in the face, that was because you were... You got lucky. That's what I mean. You got lucky. This is not extra. You got... Do you not understand how... You're lucky that you didn't go to jail before.

Right. Like, you beat the shit out of a woman in public. You can't fucking do that. Your fame saved your life enough. Yeah. He said the first night was not so great. He was at the uh hm prison in nottingham uh as a holding prisoner he said he uh he uh shared a cell he had

23 hour lockdown he was a gym orderly in jail which he liked he said because he liked going to the gym so he liked doing there uh he worked in the laundry and then he was like the kind of intro guy because he's fucking he's a professional soccer player. So he'd be the guy when they'd have new inmates, he would greet them and show them around and introduce them. He's the Walmart greeter of the prison. Yeah, he would introduce them. He's like the trustee kind of thing. Because when he's not drinking, he's a very fine guy.

Yeah, it's just when he's drinking, he turns into a fucking demon. Also, he doesn't fight women or men. So in the prison he'll be fine safe there yeah no shit uh he said that would help him to get to know everyone but he said at night he was locked away on his own and he was having a lot of hard times with that uh he did say there were some good guys inside uh he said it reminded him of uh of like a locker room situation a bunch of guys making dirty jokes and shit like that. I would think so, yeah. He said there was also a guard he used to talk to all the time.

He said the guard told him that alcohol was the worst thing to be addicted to, even worse than heroin. So he told him the hardest to kick, I would assume, because lifestyle-wise. Also, it's available. That's the thing. Yeah, lifestyle-wise, if you pull yourself out of a heroin lifestyle or whatever street drug, if you pull yourself out of that lifestyle, it's hard to – you have to be in that lifestyle and do it. Whereas alcohol, people just – normal professional people go out and have a drink, and so that's considered fine.

Also, I imagine if you get out of the heroin lifestyle for maybe three years, I feel like the turnover in that based on getting arrested and attrition of getting shot, the people that actually organize and disperse the heroin they become different people and you eventually don't know any of them you know yeah that's the thing yeah alcohol you stick with your yeah you can stick with easy you go to the fucking store and it's there you don't have to change your life to underground to be an alcoholic right uh he said he coped uh with it and one of the people that helped him cope with it was roy keen who's a guy it was a football player that he was on with nottingham who became like a big famous guy he became a very famous uh guy he's an irish uh he's an irish guy but he's you know plays in england he's a former player and he's a coach also uh he's the most successful irish footballer of all time having won 19 major trophies, 17 of which came from

Manchester United. He played for Manchester United, and he's the assistant manager for the Republic of Ireland national team. So he's an upstanding dude. And apparently he wrote him a letter in prison. He wrote Gary a letter in prison. He offered him work for the team he was coaching when he got out. He offered him to stay at his family was coaching when he got out. He offered him

to stay at his family home to get his life back together. And he hadn't talked to him in years. Years. They played together. And he just saw where he was. He says they kept in touch barely at all since going their separate ways. And so it was Gary said he was very surprised when he gets this

long letter from a guy that he hasn't talked to. Who's just reaching out to help. He said the letter reminisced about what good friends they'd been and what about the good times they've had. And he said in the letter, it said, quote, but for the grace of God, what happened to you could have been me. So he realizes that's, yeah, he sees like. Sees a lot of him. Yeah, he's the analog to his success. He said, yeah, Charles said, quote, Roy is a good mate, but he's a private person.

And I like to consider that he's a good guy. Loyal. He knows what he did to me. He wrote. He came. So they were kind of they didn't really talk about it that much. And Roy ended up talking about it a little more later. Charles said this was a hard time for him because he had tons of friends before.

And then once he stopped playing football, he didn't have tons of friends anymore he's just an alcoholic ex football player nobody gave a shit about him they just laugh at him and tell him he couldn't play for Manchester and have to beat up women while waiting for a taxi there's probably a lot of those in America that are NFL players there's tons of them this is every this is everybody's

life here this is athletes in general unless they're Hall of Fame or something like that there where they have a job beyond it unless it offers employment beyond it if you just stop being in that sport you're not an announcer or a coach or something just go back in there uh so he said uh uh once he got out he would go he went to sunderland uh where charles he would take part in the sessions of practice and he said he was actually decent at it he would organize drills and warm-ups and shit like that and just do general help out shit just to keep him busy. That's all. But while in prison, he also coached soccer in prison.

Really? He said, quote, I ran the football team, and we had a game against the officers. There was this one guy who was about 20 stone, and they called him Stumpy. That's heavy, 20 stone. I know that. He said, quote, there were no shorts to fit him. Oh, boy. He said, place 10 balls down, and he would literally miss all of them,

but he was desperate to play. For seven weeks, he did laps of the prison. He lost three stone, but I told him I couldn't pick him. He said, I'll kill you if you don't. This is a criminal. Yeah, he said he was joking, but that was the thing. He said, so I put him in for 10 minutes. The whole prison cheered.

He said it was the best feeling ever. And then he had a heart attack and died. He looked at his life differently when he was training. And that's what I get from coaching. It's what I miss. And we won the game 4-1 against the— How about that? So that's nice.

Nice regard. Yeah, not bad. They got a prison Rudy. That's nice. That's terrific. There's a prison longest yard here. That's terrific. There's a prison longest yard here.

He said, wow, a prison, a fellow inmate actually changed his view of drinking in prison. He said, quote, this old bloke asked me what I did when I made mistakes on the pitch. I said I tried not to repeat them and tried to learn. He just looked at me and said, why don't you apply that attitude to your drinking then? These words stuck in my head, which is way too simple and logical. that i think he would have thought of that before but that's fine the other thing is just how is that simple of a rule fixing everything yeah just don't mate oh you know when you did that what if you didn't that was bad right what if you didn't do that next time? Remember when you kicked that woman repeatedly? What if you didn't?

Why'd you do that? Booze, right? Okay, we're on to something. Excellent. So he said, quote... What do you do when you drink? Purple nurples. Purple nurples.

Well, it kicks in the face, and then I also shit in my car. And I also fake that I have a knife. That's a big move for me. Anywhere I can shit around here, I feel it bubbling. What a ridiculous thing. He said, prison was definitely something that opened my eyes to being somewhere I didn't want to continue going. I just didn't want to drink anymore or feel the way I was feeling anymore. I had just had enough.

Football is very much a closed shop, but I think it's something that needs to be talked about. Addiction does not pick a certain type. That's true. And that's true. He's trying to say, if guys need help, they shouldn't be looking. be looked because a lot of times back then or i don't know what it's like now but for a long time in sports if you went to management and said you had a problem and looked at that as a guy now they can't depend on you you're it's a weakness they didn't now they don't do that really well they still do behind closed doors but they act like it's all support but

they're still like we gotta look for a replacement he's gonna fucking relapse i mean he's gonna josh hamilton this fucking thing in a minute something's gonna be bad yeah uh so he's released from prison at this point uh just released he's doing fine uh so he said every prison turned him around he's good now corrections good now corrections right he's released from prison he said quote i felt great when i got out and everyone said that i looked fantastic which was mainly because i hadn't had a drink for three months which yeah that'll make you feel great drop those lbs oh yeah but but within weeks i was back inside again this time for ripping off my electronic tag and going on holiday to spain you dumb motherfucker on house arrest he went to spain he ripped off his thing and was like fuck it going to spain yeah going to spain it's going i know it's hard to believe that but i've done some stupid things

when i'm drunk i don't ever want to go back to that he keeps saying that and then he goes right back to that he got drunk and was like what if we went to spain yeah what the fuck how do you do that i'll just i ripped this fucking thing off what do i look like what's wrong with you so he says he goes right back to drinking hard he said said, quote, in prison, I planned what I do with my life. It's common with inmates. You have finished. You had your little bit of trouble. So you think.

But then it happens again and again. And you actually address the issue finally. He said, quote, eventually, I'd had enough. I woke up one day and booked myself into a clinic. It wasn't the first time. But this time, I was ready. He said, when the doctor told me, I guess this was the day he went to the doctor, the doctor told him he was killing himself. He said, I knew I had to stop drinking.

I walked out of the hospital and said to my friend, that's it. I'm not going to do this anymore. He said he heard it before and basically, you know, yeah, right. He said this time he meant it. He said he went home. He threw away all the booze he had in the house. He even threw away all the little bottles of vodka that were hidden away and no one else knew about. He tucked some away.

Oh, yeah. He had a secret stash. A couple up his ass. Yeah. He got one up his ass, one over here. But he said he even threw away the secret stash they didn't have to throw away. The one in the foreskin. Yeah.

That's the one there. You can fit a tiny bottle of vodka in your foreskin, I believe, probably. You're going to notice it. It's going to be obvious. It's going to be obvious. It's going to be obvious. The game will be rigged. Definitely. So he's trying now, but Jesus Christ, it's a little late.

How much have you fucked up already? Seriously, how much? This is a disaster. He's fucked his whole life up, I would say, at this point. He threw it all the fuck away. He's got three kids. They don't live with him. He doesn't see them. They're gone wife's gone he ruined his relationship the other

relationship's pear-shaped yes i heard that that's pear-shaped he's that's ruined now that's gone pear-shaped i love that terminology brits by the way again that's amazing he shit on his car he's made bobby colorado cross an ocean he's fucked over a lot of people. Embarrassed Roy Keane. I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy. I do. But not nearly as bad as I feel for Gary Charles, senior vice president at Fidelity Investments in Dallas-Fort Worth. Already this is my favorite introduction to this. This is great. Gary Charles, Ph.D.

Oh, my God. Poor car shitter. Poor car shitter. Austin area, Texas. Elect electronical and electronic manufacturing he's so smart in electronics he's got a fucking phd believable and he's confused with this idiot gary charles relationship builder friend maker web and social media strategist alcoholic in other words douchebag uh he is in Asheville, North Carolina, this particular douchebag at Area Online Media. Gary Charles, principal consultant at Burns Sheehan. He's hiring tech recruiters.

He's hiring tech recruiters for his team. Please get in touch. Habitual purple nurple giver. He's in the UK also, this poor bastard, so that's rough. Jesus. And finally, Gary Charles, a hairstylist from Philadelphia who runs Gary Charles and Associates, which is funny because there's also a mistaken identity in Pennsylvania of mine. I don't know if you know this, but there's a lawyer with my name.

Really? And he's actually a prominent lawyer in Pittsburgh and has done all these big cases. And it's hilarious because if you google search our name he's like page five i have overtaken your ass he went to law school he fucking worked hard he established a reputation he goes to court he did all this shit and some jerk off loud mouth with a fucking podcast talking shit about asshole drunk athletes has pushed you to page eight of google motherfucker so he's the worst mistaken identity that poor guy or i'm his mistake i've got one that's a bodybuilder in fucking georgia and it's

weird and he is way way down like page 12 it's yeah it's pretty sad this guy gets a lot of pub too my guy gets pressed that's a good point it's funny this guy's in like tough man competitions that's amazing he's been doing it for years. Probably eating fucking deer antler and rubbing the cream and the clear on. And he's still. He's got the cream, the clear. He's got the antler. He's all fucking.

He's got it all on there. He's a mess. And I tell a dick joke. And a time I tried to kill myself. And this fuck gets shafted to page 12. I see that lawyer and I'm like, my God, they're never going to hire him. At least no one's trying to hire him for a professional operation. This guy's like, Jesus fucking Christ. My lawyer, let's see what he has to say about Gary Charles.

Oh, no. Shit. Oh, man. So he goes to rehab. Okay, finally goes to rehab. He says, quote, my recovery is a part of my life. I'm in a good place, but you have to work at it. You't be complacent i have my children i have a good job my family and my family are proud of me i know what type of person i am i'm a good lad i've always been like that with everyone

so he gets out of rehab he says he's training every day lifting weights in the gym running on the roads he's doing everything he says i might even start playing again yeah calm down chief let's let's tell you weren't doing well when you were 27 how about 37 38 comes the brakes yeah he says you know maybe not he says i'm doing up my barn next to my house and i'll make sure it's perfect i don't know if he's going to play in there or farm i don't know what he's doing he said i won't let anyone take me for a ride again my money but money doesn't interest me as it once did i'd be quite happy to live in a small house again. My brother doesn't earn much, but he's with his family, and I'd swap everything, even my football career, to be as happy as he is.

He just publicly said, my brother's a fucking slacker who doesn't make a lot of money. That's fucked up. His brother's like, what the fuck, dude? I've been supporting you the whole time. He's like, my brother's a poor bastard, but he's happy. My loser brother seems thrilled. Fucking loser brother's happy. the fuck dude i've been supporting you the whole time he's like my brother's a poor bastard but he's happy my loser brother seems thrilled fucking loser brother's happy why can't i be happy what the fuck he doesn't have a barn no barn thrilled happy so shitting in mercedes that's what i use i'm so rich i use mercedes as my toilet wipe my ass with the bills bitches torn in half torn up they can't even wash those and get the

shit back off to use them they're torn so october 2011 charles joins uh lincoln city as uh as an assistant manager alongside a guy named david holdsworth so now he's starting to coach and this is what his friend roy keen wanted him to do was start getting his coaching credentials i guess to coach you have to have a certain amount of credentials. They can't just hire some schmuck off the street to coach. You have to have a pilot. Yeah, you have to. Exactly.

You need coaching. Yeah, you do. Here, they're just like, I like him. He seems like he's got a brash personality. He doesn't have a kid diddling background. Yeah, perfect. Hire him. Hire this man.

So next, 2014, over the next four years, he is the director of football at University of Nottingham for four years, the assistant manager at Lincoln City. Never got a full coaching job at like a paid, I guess, a professional team yet at that point. But he's working through it. November 22nd, 2015, he has a lawsuit. Uh-oh. He's suing the advisors. Oh, he's suing. He's suing for money because now he's broke.

He needs money. He's suing the two advisors at the center of a financial crisis involving a bunch of different football players whose total losses were an estimated $100 million. Okay. Some financial guy got a bunch of football players to invest in some shit and took all their fucking money basically like that's happened a trillion fucking times and in sports too that's like they're all looking for something to do with their money and they're dopes they're dopes they're looking for something flashy they're looking for something fun somebody that promises a bunch of return nobody ever says all right i got this concrete

paving business it's pretty fucking boring but i got a fleet of trucks and we're gonna go out we got a we got a city contract no ball player ever says that's great don't tell me about that what where's the car wash it's like what about a strip club what about that what about a huge nightclub how about a restaurant that serves shit that i design and we'll call it say ows like yeah that's my last name we'll serve it on table shaped like me what do you say we'll see if that's a fucking hit those things never win no it's not good but that's ego and you're used to excitement and that's what it is here so uh so he's suing uh david mckee and kevin mckee mcmanaman these fucking english names everyone's got a mick

in there uh he said uh they were his former advisors at Kingsbridge Tax Consultancy and his former agent, Kevin Mason and Robert Appleby, who were a former partner at Kingsbridge. Appleby. Appleby. I like the restaurant. He says that he claims that he's owed 600,000 pounds following his transfer from the portuguese club to west ham in 1999 and this money was instead the 600 000 pounds that was supposed to be his minus fees and taxes right were supposed to be put in his account and instead were put into another account run by the kingsbridge firm so they basically just embezzled his money is what he's saying

uh his writ says that he was quote promised a settlement figure from benefica or benfica which is the portuguese team right to compensate him for the lower wages he had agreed to take at west ham he says the sum of 600 000 was agreed between uh benfica and mason who's his agent uh charles here uh uh so yeah he says that this is uh he's desperate for the money and if someone had 600 000 pounds it should be yours and you're pretty broke and you could use that fucking money that's like a million dollars i mean that's for that i will sue the fuck out of somebody for that kind of money uh he says mason told him quote the good news is that your contract and deal is all agreed the bad news is is that benfica had reneged on their agreement to pay you the agreed $600,000 sterling.

So they lied to him and told him that the club backed out and reneged on the $600,000. They said, no, they'll still release you. The deal's fine. You're good there. Sign your contract with West Ham. Oh, but that's $600,000. They said, sorry, you're not going to get that now. And then they took it and put it in their own fucking account.

Okay. So that's fucked up. And that's legit. That happened. That happened. That's paperwork happened. happened yeah that's so fucked up uh he says charles says he fired them uh at that point but then he ended up going on to the transfer to west ham and doing the deal uh according to these papers here uh he talks about the alcoholism too and he says he could use that money uh the whole deal he's just talking about. They're trying to say that the, the money that he's talking about was paid to him.

And he's saying it's not, and it doesn't seem like, uh, from the, everything that he was, uh, it says, quote,

it is the claimants honest belief that the Mason misled him when he informed, uh, him Benfica had rescinded upon the agreement to pay $600,000. Uh, and he said that the other guy had personally benefited from the $600,000. All these guys in defense said they were asked to help secure money from people and put it into things in the future. And he's saying that's what they were doing.

They were saying that it was for tax planning and for future investment planning. And he said, well, I didn't tell them to fucking do that you told me I didn't have that money you didn't say you're gonna invest it for me they said that 1.05 million pounds was received from Benfica and paid into a bank account set up by Kingsbridge

which $100,000 was invested in a Florida property development on Charles's behalf oh no holy shit and later our return to him with interest they say why the fuck was invested in a Florida property development on Charles' behalf. Oh, no. Holy shit. And later returned to him with interest, they say. Why the fuck would you buy land in Florida? Don't do that. If it got interest, he won.

It worked, I guess. Yeah, in the end. They add that the papers given to Charles by a former England player referred to a proposed termination payment that never materialized. They're trying to say he's just mistaken. Dude, that's a half million dollar fucking difference. I know who owes me a half million fucking dollars, whether I've received it or not.

I would know. It would change my entire life. So I'd really know. He hasn't made that much money to where a half million dollars is no big deal. Like it's in the couch cushion and you can't find it. Oh, there it is. It's under there. Now I knew it. Yeah yeah i knew i was just i couldn't i couldn't keep track of all

because i have so much i i didn't i thought maybe maybe i tore up half million in that oh i would never know how long i was there i did kind of black out i blacked out so many times who knows how many shits i've taken and needed to clean up no shit man so this this whole deal uh they also say that charles was owed 150 uh a thousand pounds of money for money paid into an offshore kingsbridge account or account also from some other thing to be saying they stole a fuckload of money to him i don't even could never find how that case resolved because it was like a private thing, but I did find that. So now what he does is he runs an organization, GC Sports Care, it's called now. And this is to help footballers with alcohol problems.

This is his new thing. He said, quote, footballers can have the same problems as a postman or a plumber. Millions watch them on a Saturday, but some suffer in silence. It's hard for them to own up. Will it be detrimental to their next contract? Will they be replaced? Would I have gone to my coaches and admitted my alcohol problems? No.

Did I know I had them at the time? Maybe not. It's hard to think that you have a serious issue at 19. It's still seen as a weakness now in life and in sport. I'm relieved to know that I was an alcoholic because I know what I need to do to live the happy life I have today. And so he's talking about that. He says he wants people to get their lives back. He's trying to help people.

He says his recollections and his experience being an alcoholic is important for all of this, obviously. He said that the people that he's working with are striving and working under pressure and forget about the basics in life. He says, quote, I spoke to a barrister suffering in silence. That's an attorney for people outside of England. I thought it was a coffee maker. Yeah, that was a nice guy. I was like, why would you proclaim all that to your guy that's making your latte? Who cares about the fucking Starbucks guy?

He's not even going to write your name correctly. Don't worry about it. No shit. He said this guy was suffering in silence. Who would employ an alcoholic barrister? Like, there's no alcoholic lawyers out there. Jesus. They all drink.

Quote, I still don't believe many footballers would go in-house with a problem. You would rather come to my team of counselors, wouldn't you, in the hope that nobody at work would find out. So from that point of view, things haven't changed much for my day. That's the fear for many of these young lads. I deal with football agents too. They're not trained in this. They push people to us and it works. So yeah, agents are basically saying, fix my fucking guy here so I can get more money for him. He said it was hard for him to accept that he was an alcoholic and it was confusing when he switched back to his normal life. He says, quote, to play pro football at the highest level, you have to be right psychologically.

That is why drink is going out of the game because they're looking after their bodies. I guess he's saying less players are drinking now. There are young players. There are young players who have issues. And I want to get my point across to them. There's a lot of players suffering who don't know where to to turn he says gambling has become the new crutch now of course they're all huge fucking gamblers they're all making tons of money and gambling their balls off yeah which is common it makes it exciting life is so fucking easy when you have that much

money so you just yeah whatever it's it's one of those dummies yeah that's so they're done so uh february 8 february 2018 uh he says his business is building he has a new relationship that he was building that business over the last four years he said he's close to his children he has a new relationship really that isn't pear-shaped this is great he's got a good relationship with his kid uh some orange shaped things yeah that's good or apple shaped or something not with a bottom heavy round something without a big bottomy fat ass less pear shaped is all it is so uh he says there's a there's a restaurant in derbyshire uh derbyshire uh that has his family name and he said he's he's the bartender there a lot of times hanging out he says he's like sam maloney it

is he like like implying that he owns it but he doesn't no no it's his family's family owns it he says quote i'm happy to be around alcohol and serve alcohol uh he says it generally doesn't trouble me so yeah but i mean anybody that does that that's tough deals with alcoholism will tell you never fucking be near it well especially in that capacity and i could see him being like, it generally doesn't bother me. It didn't bother him most of the time. And then he'd go on a three-day fucking bender. So it won't bother him forever.

51 weeks of the year, James. And then he's just going to look and go, that looks pretty tasty. And the next thing you know, someone's going to have a pile of shit on their hood. See you in three days with shit all over the place. And a woman with Adidas marks on her face. This is fucked up, man. Put some Samba marks in someone's mouth. And then just grab titties everywhere all

over the damn place i mean he sounds like a party yeah apart from the violence part from the seems kind of fun he gets a little crazy after that so march 22nd 2018 just now uh a few months ago uh he is reportedly in line to take up his first role and a managerial role for a football team in a non-league team called Nuneaton Town. I don't know. I think it's Gary Town. Yes, Gary is what that is. Apparently, he watched their two to nothing win against another team and he was ready

to coach the next day. So that's nice. So that was March, June 17th, 2018. He's left his coaching job he admitted that he found out about it through social media they fired him on social media wow and it's sort of embarrassing this whole situation not as embarrassing as shitting in your back seat but kind of embarrassing uh he was appointed uh there in march and they think he's been replaced now by a guy named nicky Eden which is weird as fuck. They said he wrote

on social media that he had no knowledge of his departure and no contract with the chairman. He previously tweeted to confirm that he was in charge and then he said wait no I'm not never mind they fired me I guess. I just found out somebody named Nicky is doing my job. I guess I'm not doing it anymore. He said quote found out through Twitter that I am no longer

manager at new Jesus Nunesus none none at none at tinborough fc uh not had any contract with the chairman to let me know so i just want to say thank you to the fans for your fantastic support to the players and staff i wish you all the best for the future uh his first game was a one-one draw and uh so that's what he did and he went from there uh he'd been planning for the new for the season which would see them you know try to do better this year he said that uh uh there was no mention of anything on the website there was no anything like that they just said that uh quote the team said quote the the time felt right to take the next step and become a manager and this opportunity was perfect for me that was eden nicky eden didn't say shit about him he's letting a gangster ass italian accent

yeah i see yeah this opportunity was perfect little joe pesci from casino it's nicky right yeah nicky right yeah it was nicky little nicky santoro you don't gotta tell him you don't got just just change the locks and put out a tweet he'll get the idea that's right he understands he'll get a fucking no He won't show up again. Make his badge not work when he goes to go in there. So they said that they're very excited for the future with this new coach. Charles just didn't understand it. So the team clarified the statement saying that Charles' position was only informal until

the end of the campaign. He said, quote, in light of the recent announcement of Nicky Eaton as the club's new manager, we've clarified the status of Gary Charles' position with this club. Gary never had a contract and was working for the club on an informal basis to guide them through to the end of the season. We believe that the situation was

clear and regret that it had led to such confusion. Thinking he was a fucking head coach and wasn't. Yeah, that's a lot of confusion. We'd like to thank Gary for his time and wish him all the best in the future thanks for being around we got nicky thanks pal uh wow so uh yeah he says that uh uh he likes to he likes he misses football for the uh he misses football basically he likes to uh i just saw the owner being like no no nicky brought robert de Niro's ex-wife around. She blows everybody.

She blows everybody. We'll keep Nikki. Nikki's our guy. Nikki's fucking staying. He's fucking staying. He said he loved his first career, but he thinks he's more suited for a second one. He said, quote, being a footballer was the best thing ever. Don't get me wrong.

I adored it most of the time. He said, yeah. What did he say here? I'm lucky. I thank my lucky stars that I'm healthy and I can enjoy my life. I don't know why I had a hard time fucking reading that like an idiot. So that's what he says, that he feels like he's lucky. He said, I saw Brian Little recently, and he just winked and smiled.

He knew what I could be like, one of the lads in my own way. But someone said to me recently that I must be sad that i don't have all that money from football anymore he said and i said quote yes but i don't have all that unhappiness either and he said i don't think he believed me yeah and that's that so i can don't have a barn anymore broke i got no barn nothing uh can't get enough of gary charles and his fucking mess you can follow him on twitter. That is at GaryCharlesFRJ. He has 121 tweets. He follows 1,458 people and has

1,292 followers. Wow. That's not great. He's doing that whole follow back shit and it's not working out. No, it's not. They're unfollowing him because all he's talking about is alcoholism. Also, you can go to pickclick.co.uk and you can get an Aston Villa Gary Charles match-worn shirt

for 150 pounds, which seems reasonable for a match-worn jersey. $3.95 shipping also. I don't know if it ships to Great Britain and many other countries. I don't know what that means. Maybe Portugal, if you're a big fan from down there. Is there shit up mercedes seat on i believe there is a back seat with a shit smeared mercedes gave car shit pants from gary charles look at that he's shitting them

and also uh you can go you can get an 8x10 sign picture of him just standing there not in a soccer pose not like playing so he's just standing there not even smiling uh just autographed picture of him for that 7.99 standing there drunk that's it 7.99 pounds and that is gary charles wow that is a crazy english drunken bastard again he's exhausting he's exhausting that's why he said i think the judge said i think everyone needs a rest from gary charles mainly me i needed a rest from gary charles after this i'm trying to figure out I think the judge said, I think everyone needs arrest from Gary Charles. Mainly me. I needed arrest from Gary Charles after this. I'm trying to figure out which one. I'm like, which incident was this?

Is this this one? Oh, there's a different one where he tore up bank notes in a Mercedes and was found passed out on the floor. That happened more than once. Fuck. Okay. I was confused. I thought I had my dates wrong.

I guess not. Did he kick her to sleep with shit in his pants? I think he did. Oh, no no that was afterwards then he went and shot i got it now okay so if you like that show and if you like our insanity please like we said go to itunes give us five stars please not for our ego it just helps out on the business end you want to be an even bigger superstar you can go over to shut up and give me murder.com buy some merch and then when you're done with that, you can buy some tickets to a live show.

And then if you still just have money you want to give us for some reason, we'd be happy to accept it. And every dime counts. You can also find the links to patreon.com slash crimeandsports. They're on our website. And also the link to PayPal. Just use our email address, crimeandsports at gmail.com. And you can make a donation there, one-time deal. Also, you can contact the show at crimeands sports at gmail.com and you can make a donation there one time deal uh also you can contact the show at crime and sports on gmail.com like we said at

crime and sports on twitter and facebook at small town murder on instagram we've combined them and uh that gets more attention so sorry thank you sorry yeah thanks we had to uh change that uh with that said though jimmy i know what i need right now. It's not a drink either like Gary Charles. You can have a couple, but I need to be hit with the list of my favorite damn people on earth. Give it to me right now, Jimmy. This week's executive producers are

Ann Spence, Jenny Lynn Bertolo, Pamela Rogers, Devin Resnickoff. I don't want to fuck that up. No, get it right. Rachel Smalski. Yes. No. Yes, it's Rachel Smalski.

Yes. No. Or Smokski. Is it Smokski? I don't know. Well, thank you so much. And then Ryan Hagen. Thank you guys so much for being absolute heroes this week.

You are our heroes. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much. Amazing. The remainder of heroes are david clark jesse jessica lightkey uh daniel c with no last name just c that's good enough mariah here uh eva uh yvonne yvonne abraham hontes i wanted to get that right and i think i fucked it up you think it sounded confident i hope so confident never means right no no not at all

but it still sounds everyone who except for that one person will think you were right. Right. Stacey Roy, Heather Rylander. She's terrific. She helps other podcasts with their research, too. She's a good person. Thank you, Heather. Nice.

Good for her. Thank you. Gretchen Oswald, Lorraine Tuckson. Yes. Tuckson? I think so. Touchson. Touchson?

I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing right now. Tuckskin. Yeah, Tuckskin. Lorraine, thank you so much. Thank you, Lorraine. Rob Roberts, Cody Hargo, Jen Bass, or Bass. It's probably Bass.

Bass. Jesse Hartman. Again, the dude fucking comes through every week. He's amazing. That's amazing. Jenny Edwards, Kelly Robinson, and then James Fraker, a new one that keeps showing up quite a bit. Laura Sauter, Jamie Pickle.

That's for sure. Right. Kelly Higby, Kate Ives. Every week with her and the other Kate. I forget her. And Kelly, too. We'll find her in a sec. Yep.

Thank you. Ashley Vietri, Jillian Tuba, Wesley Thacker, Tom Kopsinski. Oh, nice. I like the name. No, it's probably not right. No, it's a solid name. Sasha Medina, Christian Parrott Carl Rogers, Ariana Folsom She's fantastic. I've got to talk to you about something with her too. She's, whatever.

She's wonderful. We'll get into it. Reza W Reza W I think so. Maybe that's what that is. Somebody's fucking with me? Reza W. Reza? Reza. Reza W. Yes. You won. I think so.

Yeah. Maybe that's what that is. Somebody's fucking with me. I think they're a Cubs fan. Maybe. Or it's a person. I bet it's a person and now we've insulted them. Maybe.

Reza? I'm so sorry. It might be Reza. Who knows? James Lamb. Shannon Feltus. She's been around a long time. Yes.

Thank you. It's hard to make fun of that last name anymore. Yeah, at this point we're just's been around a long time. Yes, thank you. It's hard to make fun of that last name anymore. Yeah, at this point, we're just so happy to have you here. Kate Myers, that was the Kate, I think. Yes, that's definitely her. Kate Myers and Kate Ives have been around for several weeks, and they're fantastic. Thank you so much. Marissa Oman Hughes, Martina Kunkel, Alisa Carlson, Joe Hung Lo.

Nope, probably not true. I would say no. Probably fucking with me i'm gonna go with fuck on that one might be an asian guy that's just like you guys are dicks yeah thanks a lot jake labir uh iana iana nelson she's wonderful in uh new orleans she's terrific uh she's like a fucking bookworm that does uh legislation work oh cool like that she's great she's wonderful awesome john bowden uh and that may be bowden but i bobby bowden fucked your name brother sorry uh lauren lauren demirath alexander golemis yeah lauren demirath is the one from chicago that her name sounds like a drug you said yeah yeah

demirath she messaged me it was like i get to be a drug 20 cc's a demirath she's jacked about it stat alexander golemis golem is uh golemus maybe golemus uh there you go azra begovich uh under the sea fabrics every week thank you uh bunny blush i think that's uh uh like some sort of product too okay do you put blush on your bunny it's probably a person i would assume it's blush that's been experimented on with a bunny. Kelly Miller. Crystal Gennaro. She's the one that's a fucking air traffic control. Yes. She's cool.

Thank you, Crystal. Danielle Graham. Jenna Fairbanks. Jason Hamming donated twice. One on Patreon. One on PayPal. Thank you, Jason. Thank you.

Jamie Finch. CJ James is a butterface. What the fuck? Why would you do that? I don't know. James is handsome as fuck, man. Have you seen my friend? I don't...

CJ, come to a live show and say that to his face. He won't do it. I guarantee... No. CJ might be huge. I might start a fight right now. That's all right. CJ.

I don't care. James is handsome. Fuck you. Matthew Dietrich. Maybe his last name is James. It's definitely... Maybe. Maybe he's the Butterface.

CJ James is the Butter... Maybe that's what he said. I have no idea. I doubt it. It's definitely, maybe, maybe he's the Butterface. C.J. James is the Butterface. Maybe that's what he said. I have no idea. I doubt it. He's being a dick, this C.J. Aaron Anderson. Ellie Guzman. Bryant Toole.

Amanda McKelvey. Jess with no last name. Jessica Manor. Janice Hill. Karen Farnsworth. Teresa Goulond. Jason, no, it's Joshua. That is Joshua, not Jason.

Joshua Doyle. Jessica Dowd. Kiko Omar White, J.D. Oh, that dude's a lawyer. Thank you, Kiko. Thank you. That is Joshua, not Jason. Joshua Doyle, Jessica Dowd, Kiko, Omar White, JD. Oh, that dude's a lawyer. Thank you, Kiko. Thank you. That might be a woman. No, it's Omar, middle name.

Okay, yeah. Who knows? That might be a wire reference. I don't even know anymore. That's the thing. This is fucking crazy. Jesus, it's gotten out of control. Michelle Smith, Mike Gibson, Justin Suter.

Yes, Justin Suter. Nicky Eddie. No, Nick Eddie. Vida Muerta, who is a cosplayer and model. Cool. Good for you, Vida. What is that? Vida is what word?

I don't know what that is in Spanish. I just know Muerta is death, which is fucking creepy. Christopher Brooks. I think Vida is life. Is that it? Life and death. Boom. You nailed it.

My man. I know Italian, so I can get a spanish word if you talk slowly yeah becky pantuso which sounds like underwear leah maddox uh rebecca doe charlene ramler uh melissa roker uh damian palmer uh fuck how did i do this candace kennedy Candice Kennedy and Michaela Thiviergi. No, it's not right. Michaela, I'm so sorry. We tried. I even fucking put somebody else's name in between it so that I could try and get a good

running start at it like Evel Knievel. A little sorbet on the palate. Right. And I still hit the bus. God damn it. I'm so sorry. And thank you guys so much. We love you.

Thank you, folks. So, so goddamn much. Really means the world to us. the bus god damn it i'm so sorry and thank you guys so much we love you thank you folks so so god damn much really means the world to us uh we we we get turned upside down and shaken out yeah so often for for everything that's in our pockets and it's really really difficult so thank you guys for helping us out and uh you know making this a thing you guys tell us thank you all the time yeah for the amount of work that James puts in. Both of us. We're fucking sitting here. It's not me. The amount of research, though, and the amount of prep that this takes

and the amount of dedication that we do to this. But thank you guys. It doesn't matter what we do if nobody listens. So thank you guys for giving a shit and thank you guys for supporting what we do. If nobody listened, we wouldn't be doing a show. We'd be like, well, fuck this. Let's just concentrate on small-town murder.

17 listens. Fuck that. Yeah, goddammit. Remember that? That was a long time ago. It was a long time ago. That was like episode five, and now we're at episode 129 today. So it's huge.

So thank you guys so much for being there, and we love doing this. I apologize for being sick last week, but really, it would have been terrible. I couldn't get it out. So thank you guys so goddamn much. Jimmy, what if you wanted to thank them or they wanted to thank you or you just wanted to get together in some way, shape or form? How could they contact you? I want to chat of any sort. I don't

give a shit what it is. You can find me at WismanSucks W-H-I-S-M-A-N sucks. I appreciate what you guys send to me and I've heard a lot from a lot of people going through tough things and that they say we help them through it. And I really fucking appreciate that. That's really nice of you.

And I just stick around. And I love hearing from you. We read that shit and pass it back and forth to each other. And we're like, man, can you believe that? Yeah. That means a lot to us. We're not where we say it on small town murder. We're assholes, but we're not scumbags.

That's the truth, man. We really like that. If you want to get a hold of me and call me an asshole, you can do that at Jimmy P is funny, or you can head over to whatever the fuck else and copy and paste my last name from the show description, slap it in there, and all of that good shit. But until then, until next week, that's next week. But this, we've had a lot of fun. Yeah, we have.

We'll be back again. I promise you that. Live from the Crime and Sports studios. We will see you next week. Bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts.

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