Crime in Sports - #135 - A Valium & Flatulence Cocktail - The Regrettableness of Lamarr Hoyt

Episode Date: October 16, 2018

This week, we stagger down a path of wasted opportunities, and squandered goodwill, with a man who came from a very unstable background to be the best pitcher in his league at one point. He was well liked, and quiet, but that may have just been because he was a few too many pills to be any other way. You root for him, and he disappoints at every turn. It's a sad but hilarious tale of a big fall from grace, including maybe the strangest reason that an athlete has ever missed a game!!Be abandoned by your parents, reach your goals, then get busted with drugs as many times as you possibly can with Lamarr Hoyt!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanDonate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.comGo to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!Contact us on...twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Looking for inspiration? Craving something new? When you visit Audible, there are endless ways to ignite your imagination. With over 750,000 titles, including bestsellers, there's a listen for every type of listener. Discover all the best in audiobooks, podcasts, and originals featuring authentic Canadian voices and celebrity talent like Brendan Fraser and Luke Kirby's latest sci-fi adventure, The Downloaded.

A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Each week on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, Strange, Dark, and Mysterious Stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay. Ah, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrigallo.

I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you. You said that very short. For once, you're sure that your name is Jimmy Wissman, as opposed to just being an educated guess. That is who I am. I got a thing in my pocket that says my name's Jimmy Wissman.

I am confident. A piece of something laminated, some horse shit. I don't know. I got several of them. Oh, boy. Thank you so much for joining us this week. We have a fun, crazy episode. 80s and cocaine and, you know,

fat rednecks doing cocaine. Great. It's a fun time. It's a fun time this week. It's going to be a bit of a sad story, but then it's not that sad of a story. It's not like Steve Haug and his truck landed on his head. No? No, no. This man's truck never lands on any part of his body, which is always a plus in the end for the actual athlete themselves. But we'll get to all that.

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their wonderful iTunes reviews this week or Apple Podcasts, whatever, the purple icon there on your phone. Thank you so much for those. They really, really, really help us out a lot. I know we've said it a million times and other podcasts say it, but that really helps. It shows people that your listeners are willing to, they're engaged and they're willing to interact. And so thank you. That really, really helps us a lot. And it drives us up the charts. So if you have not done that yet, please get on that. Go over to the purple icon there, iTunes or whatever, and give us five stars.

It doesn't matter what you say. Just tell us you're following instructions, following directions. It really doesn't matter to us. If you want to be a bigger hero than that, that is well possible in a number of different ways. First of all, you can go to shutupandgivememurder.com. Shutupandgivememurder.com where you can get all of the T-shirts, all of the merch all of the everything like that um buy that stuff there buy uh small town murder live shirts and then go over to the link to the tickets yes and uh buy uh tickets to small town murder live we have a program note on that right do a big program note if you had tickets to monday november 5th in phoenix

at the van buren uh That is not a show anymore. It is canceled. It is canceled. So do yourself a favor. You get a full refund on that, all that stuff and then buy the new tickets, which is two days earlier, November 3rd, Saturday night at Stand Up Live in Phoenix, which is an amazing,

it's a better venue. It's just awesome and the tickets are going to be, they're actually less expensive also. So it's a nicer venue. And it's a Saturdayurday it's a saturday night at seven o'clock i think so i mean no excuses get your asses out there uh it's perfect so uh please go on sale today they go on sale today please we apologize for the inconvenience and uh we really really do there's just there was nothing that could be done about it it was a local government thing needed the venue it's the night before the election. It's a weird thing. They wanted to put us somewhere else, and we refused.

Yeah, they wanted to put us somewhere that you guys would not have liked at all. It was a lunch hall. It was terrible. So we said no, and we redid it completely. And trust me, this is a better experience for you. I understand if you had tickets and you wanted to go on the Monday night. That's awesome. We thank you for that.

But if it's not going to be a good experience, we can't put we can't put on the best show for you. We can't charge you the ticket prices and put that on. We just can't do it. And this is our home club. And this is our home club. They treat us right. And they're going to treat you guys right.

It's it's really good stuff. So please do that. Buy those tickets. And if you want to be a bigger hero than that, even you can go also through shut up and give me murder dot com. Right. Take the link over to Patreon.com slash crime and sports. You can make a donation there or head over to PayPal and make a one-time donation using

our email address, which is crime and sports at gmail.com. Right. And with that said, Jimmy, I think we should get to our craziness this week. Let's just have fun and lose ourselves in a crime in sports what do you say fucking glorious with all that goes on in the world it's it's it's it's shenanigans it's just in the winkery it's noodnickery all all around and hoodwinkery as well it's uh between just the world in general and just crazy annoying business shit that keeps happening. We need to lose ourselves in a crime in sports. Let's all collectively as a group lose ourselves in crime in sports

where there's always crime and sometimes sports. Let's do this. Let's talk about a baseball player. Okay. Let's talk about Lamar Hoyt. Do you know who he is? No. You don't know who Lamar Hoyt is?

Okay. Lamar Hoyt. No, you're not going to get to you no forget that you're just picking you're just uh i'm trying to make the connection lamar in the dark hoyt that's just stab in the dark okay uh what do you picture immediately lamar hoyt uh shortstop shortstop what's he look like uh don't do that to me. That's fucking, that's just, that's just terrible to do to me. Lamar Hoyt, what's he look like? I picture him looking very small like Otis Nixon.

Really? A little old snake? No, he's actually a big guy. Oh. He's actually a bigger guy. Right. Lamar and his full name is wonderful. His full name is Dewey Lamar Hoyt Jr.

No, his first name is Dewey? Dewey. And he got junior? So he's like, fuck it, I'll just Lamar. He goes, this Dewey is not going to go. I can't go by Dewey. But he's definitely a junior. Oh, he's a junior. Dewey Lamar Hoyt Jr.

Hilarious. Absolutely. Lamar Hoyt. Never knew he was a junior until today. And I'm like, that explains a lot about his behavior. It's junior-esque. And he was date of birth January 1st, 1955. So to ring in the new year with this guy, with a boy named Dewey.

He could have gone by D.L. That's so much cooler. That would have been cooler. Yeah, that's true. D.L. like Hughley. D.L. Hughley. Could have been D. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. D.L. Like Hughley. D.L. Hughley. That would have been cool. Could have been D.L. Hoyt. He's like a big bearded South Carolina white boy, though.

Oh, really? I don't know where D.L. is going to go. Wow. That's what I said. What do you picture? White never popped into your head. That's bananas. White never popped into your head for a second, right?

No. Not even close. I don't know why Lamar Hoyt. Dewey should have done it. Yeah, yeah. True. True. But Lamar's a cowboy name, isn't it?

It is. Kind of, I guess. But then Lamar's also- Lamont is a cowboy name. That's also a black guy name. Yeah, it is. Also, I knew a kid- Any of these could be cowboy or defensive end.

It's awesome. Any of them. Cowboy names, that's exactly what they are. Yeah. That's hilarious. I remember my friend- Never mind. It's crazy. He's from Columbiaia south carolina that's where he's born defensive let's play cowboy or defensive end cowboy crooner or defensive end tyrell that's a cowboy name

super cowboy name or he's Cowboys name. Either one. So we know there's some white defensive ends also, but for the most part, you know, defensive ends are big black guys. Huge. Well, it's not even, I don't know why the numbers it is, but just I picture Reggie White, Bruce Smith, you know, the Deacon Jones, like the best ones of all time. I always, they're all, you know, big giant black guys. So that's what you picture. Columbia, South Carolina, he's born. He grows up to be 6'3", and he's listed on baseball reference hilariously at 195, which he might have been 195 in his junior year of high school, possibly.

But after that, at one point, he's 235, and he's like, I feel great. I feel like a teenager again. This is fantastic. At 235. Because he gets up into the 280s at one point, he's 235, and he's like, I feel great. I feel like a teenager again. This is fantastic. At 235. Because he gets up into the 280s at one point. Holy shit. He blows up. That's a lot of man.

Big, big, big bearded, bloated son of a bitch. First base? He's a pitcher. Pitcher. Right-handed pitcher. Right-handed pitcher that doesn't throw very hard. I should have guessed that, because pitchers are always fat as fuck. Yeah, well, first base is also a good guess.

I mean, John Kruk played over there, for Christ's sake. I mean, let's be realistic here. But like they say, or like a great man once said, my friend Rod Beck, he'd never seen anybody in the DL with pulled fat.

That's a damn good point. They asked him once in Chicago if he was out of shape and he goes, never seen anybody in the DL with pulled fat, did you? And they were like, all right, good enough. That's a good quote.

So people liked it. Yeah, he's quotable. That's funny. It's an old time thing here. He had a weird childhood, by the way. He had a rough childhood. This is one of those where it's not Willie Mays Akins with a dirt floor, but it's almost as

bad. It's bad stuff. This is one of our shockingly, didn't come up with a wonderful two-parent home that just was loving and caring or one-parent home that was well-to-do. This is a mess from the start here. Take his aggression out on something. That would be a little white pill.

Yeah, absolutely. Multiple little white pills. Wow, all right. We'll get to that. You're a prescient, Jake. I was talking about the ball. Oh, is that? Wow. All right. We'll get to that. You're prescient, Jake. I was talking about the ball. Oh, the ball and other pills and things. And he likes the color white, we'll say.

All right. Right after he's born, his parents got divorced, which isn't that abnormal. But in 1955, when you just have a baby, it wasn't normal to get divorced right away. They try to make it work and be miserable for a couple years and you know go through a bunch of domestic violence and not report it and then uh you know eventually they they break up and uh but slowly a lot of quitter bitching being screamed in the house yeah very slow and yeah uh his mother norma uh kidnapped him from his father uh Dewey Sr. Old Dewey Sr.

What a life. What a life. So he lives with Dewey Sr. And Norma kidnaps him when he's six months old. She's a hero. And takes him away to Santa Barbara. No, this is like against the law. This is a kidnapping. It's a legit kidnapping.

It's a kidnapping. It's not like she's saving... They had like joint custody and she just took him away. And he was like, where the fuck did my... You took my son. That That's not you can't do that without telling me. It was one of those. It wasn't like he was being held hostage and beaten and starved by his father's. His mother rescued him. Not a lot of proof you'd need for that. And for that kidnapping case. What's his name? My name? Yeah, my name. That's how you know he's mine. He's mine. And it's he's gone. Now, now. Now my license has a Roman numeral one. His would have a two if he could have one. A junior. Right. So he's going to be a junior.

So they go off to Santa Barbara. Dewey Sr. worked for the city of Columbia. And this guy looking for his son, which I don't know if he's crazy or if he sounds like a decent guy. But this is, I think, what anybody would do if their son was taken like this. He worked for the city of Columbia. He takes a leave of absence and gathers up whatever money he had and drives to California to try to find his kid.

So he knows that's where they went. Yeah, he heard that's where they went. He's got a lead on them. Yeah, that's the thing. But he would get there, and Norma wouldn't let him. He drove to California, for Christ's sake. Oh, for't. He would get there and Norma wouldn't let him see. He wouldn't let him. He drove to California for Christ's sake. For nothing.

Norma. Yeah, it was running away. Lamar. She had hit him and locked him in a back bedroom and said, you can't come in and he's not here. And I don't know why this guy didn't call the cops. I mean, it was the 50s. I don't know how much the cops would get involved in that or not. Who the hell knows?

They would have probably just came in and gone. This lady's hysterical. And they would have given her the back of their hands. They said, all right, carry on. And they would have been like Miss Senior and gone, this lady's hysterical. And they would have given her the back of their hands. And they would have said, all right, carry on. Or they would have been like, Miss Senior, listen. Smack her, give him some whiskey. She took the kid, Senior. Go enjoy your life. You don't have her or the kid.

Just enjoy yourself. Listen, pal, you're not tied down now. This is going to be good for everybody. You go home, you find yourself a couple of nice young dames. And you're going to settle down with one of them. And maybe not. Maybe you'll settle down with a whole bunch of them every day. But then you free the next day, like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas.

Oh, that movie hasn't come out yet. Never mind. It's great. It's a great thing. It's wonderful. Except he wants his kid. He wants his kid back. Yeah, he's like, well, it's Junior.

He had some attachment to him. He did name him his own terrible name. He's like, I love him so much so much i'm gonna give him the same awful name that's tormented me my whole life he's gonna have it and uh have that little dewey enjoy him named after one of scrooge mcduck's nephews perfect that's what i want terrible there's dignity in that jesus so a few months later dewey., which is just funny every time I say it, quits his job to finally get Lamar back. He just says, this is it. I quit.

I'll figure it out once I get my kid back. So this guy is on a Liam Neeson mission to get his son back. So what he does is he kidnaps his son back from her. Oh, no. Which two kidnaps don't make uh don't make don't make a joint custody you know what i mean two kidnaps don't make a visitation let's just put it that way i think that's the rule we can all learn from this that's pretty solid this moment right now it's a good rule of thumb i think meanwhile in my head i'm trying to remember all

three of the names of uh scrooge mcduck's nephews and i have screwy dewey and louie that's what i thought too that's what popped in my head is it screwy dewey and louie it popped in my head i wasn't a big ducktales fan it's driving me bananas i was not a normal positive right now that one is not screwy that's what i thought too though that's what the fuck is it you we do we and louie boom you we that's it that makes more of a bitch but screwy sounds so much better the past three minutes trying to go why do i think it's screw i thought when you said screwy i said that's absolutely correct it's screwy dewey and louie this is what do you what's your problem jimmy i don't get what the issue is here screwy dewey and louie duh fucking moron what is that in my head i'm like fucking jimmy stupid

there's something out there that's that though no i'm sure there is there's got to be some sort of maybe it's a maybe it's a porn parody you saw it's don't put it dewey louie and screwy over here it's the guy in a dusk in a duck mask banging away on some chick quack quack sweetheart it's stuck in your head much more than ducktails god damn it oh my god so uh so dewey senior kidnaps his son back okay which is nuts he's less than a year old kidnapping a baby and taking him first of all driving cross-country at all with a baby is insane and then to do it alone in the 50s when you're like a 50s dad when you were like i don't know i hose him off out there and i wrap him in a newspaper and i throw him in

the back seat i don't know i crawl around back there kid the newspaper is dry why are you crying i don't understand it i've put some newspaper down for you to go on there's almonds in your baby carriage eat them i'm paper training him right now. So he's he's in the back seat, I guess. But anyway, Dewey ends up he doesn't know how to take care of the kid. Basically, do it. He doesn't. He's like, I don't know what the fuck to do with this kid.

I know I don't want her to have him. I don't know if he thought Norma was unfit. And we'll find out from Norma's future and whatever. Norma's not the most stable person in the world. His mother and Lam holds her you know takes her to task for it and holds it against her he's not much better though driving 3 000 miles no no no zero knowledge of how to take care of the goal he was holding it and then it was like raising arizona i feel like i think you know they get the baby and he's like oh what do we do now he's? He's holding it out like, oh, shit. We got it. He's got to go back and steal Huggies now. I guess we need diapers.

You got a panty on your head, Dewey. Son, you got a panty on your head. Hey, Screwy, you got a panty on your head. So Dewey drops his son Dewey and his other son Screwy off. What he does is he drops Lamar off with his older sister, with Dewey's older sister. Dad's older sister? Dad's older sister. His aunt.

So Lamar's aunt. Margaret. Margaret Hiller is her name. Margaret, she has a husband and three sons. So she's got like a family environment. She fully knows how to do this. Yeah, this is like they have a whole 50s house going on. And, you know, I'm sure she it's ridiculous. This one's got a dick, too. Show me how to fix this. Yeah, this is like they have a whole 50s house going on. And, you know, I'm sure she it's ridiculous.

This one's got a dick, too. Show me how to fix it. She's fine. So they're take them on in. So they take this one in. They take Lamar in. And Margaret said, quote, they just left him with me. Talking about his parents.

Neither showed any concern or love for him. They just they just left him with me because they knew I'd take care of him. I did it out of love. I raised him and tried to give him love and a home and a security that his parents didn't. I didn't do it for roses. I did it because I loved him. He was our own flesh and blood. We loved him as one of ours.

I just don't think of him as somebody else's. I see him as mine. Wow. So that's as lucky as you can get. If your parents don't want you, you can't get any luckier than that. Not someone just like, I took him in and I fed him and now what the fuck else do you want from me? He's not mine. Like these people actually gave a flying shit about this child.

As long as they're up front with him too and are like, raise him as like I'm your aunt, but you're living with him. As long as they have that and they're not going like, I'm your mom now. Yeah, I'm your mom now. These are your brothers. It's all natural and fine and fine everything's good why don't you look like them don't worry about it it's fine did that shit to my dad and we wonder why he's a fucking mess now that's it's a problem yes so uh after this margaret's husband uh whose name is hayward who is his uncle but this is like his parental figure here, like his father was cleaning his rifle one day and it accidentally fired and it shot and killed their oldest son. Oh, my God.

No. So this is Lamar's cousin or brother in this case. Oldest brother. Their Hayward and Margaret's oldest son is dead in the living room from a rifle wound. Oh, my God. So this is as tragic as you can get. Like, this tragedy here, that's poof. Right now.

It started a long time ago. But this is really the capper. Yeah, the baby thing, you could probably get over that if you're raised in a loving environment and your parents didn't want you, whatever. Somebody else did and they raised you great. But this is traumatic for any kid. Outside of the 1800s, this is very traumatic. In the 1800s, it was like you know in the 1800s it was

like oh he went out a good way at least he didn't suffer at least he didn't have tuberculosis and fucking wither away so hey rifle wound to the face is the way to go at seven years old that's how you want to go he made it seven years without consumption that's pretty that's impressive he had no no luckily this house they've got a surplus of so. He didn't die of shitting too much, so we're doing great. So, yeah, this was bad. Obviously awful. And then a little bit later, Hayward dies. God, Jesus.

Now, his father figure dies, and he's got the older brother figure dies, so now it's Margaret and three boys. It's Margaret and, yeah, the two sons and lamar at this point so uh lamar calls his aunt mama always just because that's what he wants to do uh he'd see his parents sometimes so they he didn't he wasn't being fooled he knew what was going on they dropped by she said every second third or fourth month something like that or just every once in a while a few times a year they dropped by just to take a peek at him. Still alive?

Good. Did he die of an accidental rifle wound? No? Well, excellent. That's terrific. So have a good one. See you later. We'll be back in a few months.

Be back later. Now, he knew who they were, but they didn't ever treat him as their son, and he didn't treat them as their parents. It was just like, how you doing? Like if your aunt and uncle came over that you really didn't give treat him as like their son and he didn't treat them as their, as their parents. It was just like, how you doing? Like those people, like if your aunt and uncle came over that you really didn't give a shit about, you know, we're going to just be like, Hey,

how's it going? Uncle Bob. My Christ, James, this is horrific. This is not a nice story so far. And it's, it's,

it's, it's rough. He comes up in a rough way and he feels like, and self-esteem is a problem for him this whole life. As every one of these stories that we, that we come up with where some, but somebody, one of these kids isn't wanted and is shuffled off, it's always a self-esteem issue. It doesn't matter what kind of sport they're playing or even what their personality is. In the end, it's always like a self-esteem issue and something else.

And you could see the self-esteem being supplemented with the achievement of sport. Yeah, absolutely. That's how they get their, their approval is by being good. Yeah. People tell them they're great. And they're like, fuck stick with this.

My parents didn't even want me. These people all think I'm great. This is fucking, why would I stop doing this shit? I saw a seven year old shot in the fucking face. Yeah. Did you, you know that you've ever seen seven year old brain on the wall,

mister, you know what that's like. So, uh, Jesus, that's terrible. I can't imagine. It's so uh jesus that's terrible i can't imagine it's so fucking bad man that's how do you i don't even know how you recover from that as a

family at that point he was like yeah four yeah a few years old oh my god he still remembers i'm sure he doesn't if not he know just to know that happened and that is just because that's that's something that's never going to leave like the the fog of that is never going to leave that home. No. Ever. It's just never going to leave. Absolutely not. That's going to hang over them all the time.

He's going to have a room that's his room or his bed or something. It's going to be pictures. There's always that subject that you don't want to bring up. And yeah, I don't know if it's a hunting season was never the same around that household at all. When I blew my hand up like the scars obviously are there forever i see i look at it and remember and i know what the smell of charred flesh smells like like war guys when they say they know what chart that shit smells so horrible you get and it memory it triggers it from time to time i'll smell something be like that smells like burn

flesh i smelled it jumping jack went up one of my friends short legs you want to smell burning flesh it's horrible he was a a chubby white kid that jumped seven feet in the air i've never seen anything like it he could have 360 dunked at that moment as a jumping jack as a jumping jack a military great that's what i mean yeah it was this went at his ball bag though that's one thing that'll make you go that makes you go up when and after after it happened growing up like and i've fairly recently thought about like what would my mom have gone through the rest of her life had i died or lost my hand and then just bled out like i can't imagine what she would i'm sure she feels guilt every time she sees your hand now she's like sorry about that

i'm sure of it. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to let you actually blow a piece of you off. That's never going to grow back. There you are. Thank God you're alive. For a while, because you were little, they just told you you were like a lizard and it would grow back just to make you feel better. And then after a while, you're like, this isn't going to happen, is it? And you guys, it's not there yet.

It's not happening. I'm not Deadpool. This isn't coming back. It's like you got to rub mayonnaise on it at night. You rub mayonnaise on the tip and then it'll grow back you just need a lot of rest it's like a fern leaf you're just gonna rub it down so margaret says quote lamar was really smart no one had to tell him anything when he came to live with me his mommy and daddy didn't come when he started talking he called me mama and i didn't stop it i wouldn't say i'm not i i i

wouldn't say i'm not your mama. We decided not to say anything and just to bring him up as our own. His parents were never mentioned. We didn't want him to get confused saying, why are my mommy and daddy somewhere else? So it was just a weird situation. He had to know exactly what was up. That's why he said, no, we didn't bring it up. But he wasn't stupid.

He knew what was going on. He's not a dumb guy either. That's the thing. And he's very likable. A lot of people like him. She said, quote, every month or so, they'd come. He wouldn't say, here's Mama. He'd say, here's Norma.

He knew who they were, but their names were never mentioned. If they did come, I wouldn't encourage them on him or discourage them. I don't know if that's right, but if they loved him, they'd have showed up more than every few months fair wrong either not wrong i can't i can't see just seeing your kid every few months and being like that's enough for me all right i got stuff to do like that's awful that's fucking terrible that's just i don't even know what this that's awful behavior for for both parents just to stop by Both parents having complete equal levels of irresponsibility is nuts. You got to have somebody who's better, usually. With the schedule with my kids, there's a five-day window where I don't see them.

Yeah. That fucking guts me. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah. That five days is the worst five days ever. They got four, and it sucks. Yeah. So it's that shit.

Yeah, it's that shit span. You got to call them on FaceTime. Thank Christ I have that. Technology has made being a single dad a little bit easier. They didn't have that shit. No, no, no, no, no. You got to call them on FaceTime. Thank Christ I have that. Technology has made being a single dad a little bit easier. They didn't have that shit. No, no, no, no. You know what I mean? Yeah, he didn't.

They wouldn't have used it anyway. They wouldn't have used it anyway. They were off doing something. They're just off doing some shit. FaceTiming them to show them that they're at the fair. I got to be, Dewey's being Dewey right now, and I don't have time for any children or any other encumbrances that you might have around. Hello, Junior. How you been?

Your mama. Her mouth. I mean, she's busy right now. Busy. Which mom? I don't know. What's your name again? I found her yesterday.

So Hoyt fills the gap with sports. And it's just like you said, he gets to high school. He was quarterback on the football team and middle linebacker. So those are both the guys who call the plays on both sides. So he's not dumb. You know what I mean? Hoyt said it was an odd combination, but I don't think that's an odd combination at all for high school. I mean, obviously one is a hitter and one's not a hitter.

But still, they're the guys who have to see the field and call the plays. So that makes perfect sense. He was a shortstop and a center fielder in baseball. He hit over 400 in his senior year, which, you know, he wasn't a good hitter. Obviously, he was a pitcher and he wasn't a good hitter in the majors. And they're like, oh, that's crazy. But like I said before, my friend Rod was the L.A. County co-offensive player of the year in high school.

Unbelievable. And he ended up being a relief pitcher. And Todd Zeal was the other guy who was a major leaguer for 15 years. So, yeah, super weird. He goes to Keenan High in Columbia. This is where he goes. Did a little research on that. And he's the only future major leaguer ever to attend.

Really? Yeah, Keenan High in Columbia. That's pretty shocking to me. did a little research on that and he's the only future major leaguer ever to attend really uh yeah keen and high in columbia in columbia yeah he's just that's pretty shocking to me isn't there a lot of baseball players from south carolina the south yeah reads a lot of baseball but it's warm down there so there's a lot of there's a lot of ball to be played yeah there is down there the summer's a little longer so you don't get that uh you know pulling the in new york it's like yeah if the gloves come off in, uh, in October, it's like,

all right, it's too cold for that shit. We'll let the majors deal with it. Yeah. We'll let that. They're done. Once they're done off time, let's get the fuck out of here.

Once the business season's over, that's the, the year over. You're done with that shit back east. The boys, the summer boys, let's go the fuck home. That's why you get a ton of ballplayers in Florida and South Carolina and Texas.

Cause they play forever all the time. Uh, so he plays baseball. That's his main concern. He's better at baseball than football, apparently. So good that in 1973, at 18 years old, in the June Major League Baseball amateur draft, he's drafted. And this draft, this is a crazy draft because actually I just read something on this draft.

I just read a big thing about this draft because I read this book about the Texas Rangers from 1973 to 1975 when they came into existence. And they were just a fucking train wreck of an organization. Whitey Herzog was the manager for the first half of the year who went on to be a huge success with the Cardinals. And then Billy Martin came in after another World Series champion. Two guys that won World Series, but not with this terrible piece of shit team. And they drafted first overall in this draft a guy named David Clyde, who's a left-handed pitcher that everybody said was going to be better than Sandy Koufax. Everybody was like, I've never seen anything like him before.

There was a GM who drafted second, and he went out to scout him and he said i left after the second inning because i figure i'm he's not going to be there at number two anyway so why bother he's like he's getting drafted number one no one's no one's going to pass this kid up and uh what they did was they needed uh they needed attendance at their shitty ballpark in texas because no one cared about the rangers and he was a local houston uh houston product he was about the Rangers and he was a local Houston product. He was like a state champion. He was the biggest baseball prospect in the state. So everyone in Texas knew him.

So they needed people to come to the gates. So they sign him and immediately pitch him in the major leagues at 18 years old when he was pitching in high school two months before that. Horrible. Which, big shocker, didn't work out in the end. He had a couple of good games and then he hit the skids and then he had arm troubles because they would throw him an insane amount against major leaguers and he was washed out in five years out of the league and uh kid yeah it was a mess man 23 years old done done yeah he was like i think he was like 26 27 but i mean he was

in the minors for a couple years after that no money he was done they just ruined him i mean they could have brought him along slowly and he he was a really good pitcher, even. I mean, just on stuff, he was getting by at 18 for the first few starts. And then they just kept going. They were pitching him every fourth day and shit like that. But they end up passing up a couple of Hall of Famers at No. 3 and 4. Really? Robin Yount and Dave Winfield.

Oh, no. No. No. 3 and 4, which is, you want both those guys, I would say. Robin Yount came back to haunt him later, didn't he? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He beat the Brewers he was on for years and years. Wait, who am I thinking of?

What are you talking about? I'm thinking of the guy that charged the mound after Nolan Ryan. Robin Ventura. Ventura. That's later on, yeah. God damn it. Robin Yount's a hall of fame. It was Yount and Molitor on the Brewers.

You know who he is. Center fielder, every different position. Shortstop, second, yeah. God damn it. Robin Yount's a Hall of Fame. It was Yount and Molitor on the Brewers. You know who he is. Center fielder, every different position. Shortstop, second baseman. God damn it. How do I confuse those two? Blonde guy. Two dudes named Robin. That's fine.

Yeah, that's what I mean. How many of those are there? That's the thing. We're Robin Roberts from back in the day. Other people in this draft, Lee Mazzilli, who was a longtime player. He played forever. He was a manager, too, for a long time. He's an Italian guy who played baseball.

It's the law. He must manage a team for a while, at least. Also, Steve Swisher, who turned out to be a general manager later on and who's Nick Swisher's dad. The current ball player. Not current, but I think he is. Is he still playing, Nick Swisher? I don't even know.

Probably. Also in this draft, Fred Lynn in the second round to round to the red socks who was a rookie of the year uh len barker turned out to be a good pitcher uh eddie murray hall of famer uh who i as a child confused with eddie murphy and was the most impressed everybody did but i was so impressed because i'm like he's the funniest guy in the world and he hits home runs like crazy. Constantly. He's the greatest person ever. I was like, this is amazing. No, not at all. Orioles and Dodgers and Mets and not Expos.

Everyone but the Expos, Jimmy. He played for 29 other teams. I have his card, I think, from the Blue Jays. Over his career. Floyd Bannister, Mike Krukow, who ended up being an announcer later on. If you've played any of the EA Sports baseball video games for the last 15 years he's one of the fucking announcers constantly

Jack Clark the the home run hitting Giants for a while yes absolutely Jeff Reardon another good pitcher Expos actually he actually was on the Expos but in the he actually was I found someone on the Expos, actually. He actually was on the Expos. But in the... He actually was. He got damn right he was.

He got damn right he was. I found someone on the Expos for you, Jimmy, that you could say. I pointed to you excitedly, like, say it now. I was like, what happened? I know, you're like, never mind. Shit. For once, it's the right answer, damn it. For once. But in the fifth round,

number 109 overall, the New York Yankees select Lamar Hoyt. How about that? In the fifth round for an 18-year-old kid, not bad. Going to the Yanks. And back then, fifth round wasn't terrible either because there were less teams and shit like that. Sure.

He had a rough transition into pro ball, as a lot of people do. Yeah. They put you in, and this is what they were saying about the David Clyde kid, as Whitey Herzog was saying to the press, the guy who wrote this book was like their beat writer, daily newspaper beat writer for the whole time.

So he just collected all his stories and wrote this crazy-ass book of these insane people. And they talked about David Clyde. Whitey Herzog wanted to send, the manager wanted to send David Clyde, the number one draft pick, down to rookie ball, get him used to being away from home. That's what they want you to do. When they draft you when you're 18, you're a kid.

You lived with your parents a month ago. You're coming from your parents' house. Your mom made you dinner last night. They want to get you the fuck away from that, let you know what the road's like to room with some other 18-year-old kid instead of having your own room and having your parents kissing your ass and all that sort of shit. That's just to get you away from home.

They don't care about your numbers and rookie ball. Just see if he survives mentally. And then they go from there type of thing, and then you worry about baseball once you're used to that. So he is sent to rookie camp in Johnson City, Tennessee. He gets there a day early. No one was around. He was bored and depressed kind of.

Lamar was. He just sat there in his hotel room, and eventually he called Margaret, and he was just distraught from being there, didn't want to be there. He said, quote, Mama, I'm on my way home. And she said, Lamar, you didn't give it a chance. You're probably just homesick. And then she said, go come on home if you want to come home. He quoted Ozzy.

He quoted, yeah, Mama, I'm coming home. Mama, I'm on my way home. That would have been a less catchy song, I feel like. Mama, I'm on my way. I'll be there in a few minutes. I know I said I'd call first, but it's okay. That would have been a much different song. I miss South Carolina.

I miss Columbia. I'm coming home. Can you make me that shit I like for dinner? So he gets home, and Margaret talks him into going back. Because, I mean, it's not that far. And she says, turn around and go back. What are you doing here? It's an opportunity. You're blowing your opportunity.

What, do you want to sit around here and be a fucking soybean farmer or something? I mean, get out of here. The Yankees drafted you. Get out of your fucking mind. Seriously something i mean get out of here the yankees drafted you yeah you're fucking seriously get the fuck out of here i mean it's it's good god i mean this was a bad time for the yankee 73 but it's still the goddamn yankees it doesn't matter and it's a major league team doesn't matter if it's the fucking royals or anybody who cares it's a major league team so or the even the shit rangers could have drafted you uh this time he gets there and there's three scouts waiting for him at the at the hotel uh for him to you know so now he's like he's got to get in the swing of things

when he gets to the hotel oddly enough he gets a phone call from norma uh norma just lived about 30 miles away from the rookie camp that he was in for the whole time which is a lucky coincidence he never went to visit her none he was just like that's nice except for that one time when he ran home yeah no that was to margaret oh yeah it was all to margaret this is norma lives he found out Coincidence? He never went to visit her. None. And he was just like, that's nice. Except for that one time when he ran home. Yeah, that was to Margaret. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was all to Margaret. This is Norma.

He found out Norma called him and said, oh, I heard you're 30 miles away. And he went, yep, well, that's nice. And playing pro ball. Have a good one. And she never came to see him. He never came to see her. It was just a very odd relationship here with these people. But his rookie year here, 1973, he's playing rookie ball in the Appalachian League of Johnson City.

He has a.391 ERA. It doesn't matter what he does there. He's in 12 games. He starts all 12. So they're actually letting him be a starter, which isn't bad. 76 innings, 73 hits, which is fine. That's not bad at all, actually. Less hits than innings pitched.

Not terrible. Five complete games as they did want to wear a young pitcher's arm down to nothing. Back then, the theory was, well, he's young and strong. Pitch him fucking 180 pitches. Who cares? He'll last right now. That's what it was. It was like, yeah, get it while it's there.

Like, it's going to go. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden,

and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from Smartless Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane and if you listen to my podcast you've learned that that's the sciency term for eardrum we embark on a hyperlink roller coaster as we start out on a wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link careening through trivia odd oddities, and unexpected connections

until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience quickly i see that the queen of the courtroom is back i didn't do anything you wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face i see he's not intimidated by anything I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me.

Leave her alone. OK, so, um. Not this is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin.

His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I have crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season.

It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. Freebie. Like, when you're like 28, your arm magically gets weird so you have to put all the mileage on it ahead of time everything you can front load on it it's fine because then it's going to blow up they didn't think like oh maybe it's blowing up at 29 because we're fucking putting all this mileage on this fucking arm when he's 18 years old we're wearing the shit out of the cartilage

oh everything but they don't get it they don't understand that and now and who knows what the right way is because now they baby guys too much and then they actually need to pitch 200 innings in a year and they can't do it because they never did who the fuck knows i think it's just a genetic thing that some people can't do that most people can't some people have freaky weird, weird bodies where their arms can do that and not get destroyed from it. A guy like Nolan Ryan, you know, you can... Pitches into his 60s. Yeah, Roger Clemens, steroids or not,

I don't care what you're on, if you're pitching when you're 44, that's pretty goddamn impressive without, you know, your arm falling off. That's crazy that you've had no major arm injuries or anything like that. So next year, he is in fort lauderdale uh and single a ball so they they move him up a little bit uh he's 13 and 4 overall and

23 starts which isn't bad 161 innings pitched 143 hits not terrible at all uh 77 strikeouts he's not a strikeout guy he's a guy that wants you to hit the ball, pop you up, hit it on the ground. Well, he doesn't throw very hard. He throws to 88 miles an hour. Okay. So he's not going to blow you away. He's got a nice curveball and shit like that, and he's known for his accuracy. Okay.

Pinpoint accuracy is his thing, which you have to be. And if you can be accurate like that, you can be great. Greg Maddox, I don't think he ever threw 90 miles an hour. I really don't. Even in his rookie year when he he was young but he could put the ball on a dime so he's won the cy young like four times that's what happens not bad at all uh so 75 world series rings that motherfucker yeah i think he has one is he pitched for the braves man i thought they had two uh 95 is the only one i that the only one the Braves ever won? In the 90s, they didn't win shit.

They won once. Glavin and Maddox won at once. And Smoltz and Avery. God, that's a great pitching lineup. Quite the rotation there. That'll win you. 95. That'll get you one.

Cleveland, they had to beat to get there. Cleveland ruining the mystique of Major League completely by going to the World Series. Being successful and losing all their charm. But I think that's what they did in the movie too, was went to the World Series and lost. Probably. Yeah, but they went to the World Series. And again, lost all their charm there too. And then three came out and nobody came. Nobody came. That's what happened. Once you're good, we don't

care anymore. We like a lovable loser. You either have to be a perennial winner or a lovable loser. We don't want anything in between. You win once in a while, fuck out of here with that shit. The Cubs win and now I don't give a shit. Nobody cares anymore. I don't fucking care. Now they got knocked out early in the playoffs this year and it's like, everyone's like,

eh, who cares? Damn near cried with that idiot with the fucking headphones catching the ball. That was the shortstop's fault. The shortstop shouldn't have let the double play ball go through his legs and it wouldn't have mattered because that would have never happened. Blaming some poor fan when some fucking guy who gets paid to ground fucking catch ground balls misses a double play ball. That's a good point, too.

That made me so mad. That was the thing I was maddest about. I was pissed at the shortstop. I was at Alex Gonzalez, I think, for not saying, you know, this is my fault. Stop blaming him. I should have made a fucking double play. But he was the luckiest man on earth. If that doesn't happen, he's the schmuck.

Think about that. Oh, Christ. He's fired. He's the Leon Durham, who's the guy who blew it in 84 for them. He's that guy who let the ball go through his legs then. And he's there, Bill Buckner. That's what he would be. But instead, they found an asshole to blame it on out in left field.

A little league coach. That's what that guy was. Poor fucking dude. He was wearing round glasses you know what i mean he's not a man he's not the joker or something that's out to destroy people's dreams he's just a dork he's literally listening to the game that he's watching like that's that's a hardcore fan that's a nerd that's a hardcore fan probably scoring the game yeah hardcore fans

they do that to listen on the radio while they're watching and they want to get the announcer they're into it they want to feel the whole experience and like that's what he was doing and he's he can't even hear it the it happening because of the delay until he interferes or catches the ball whatever the fuck to mention moises yeah moises Gee, I don't know. Maybe fucking get in there and knock fans off on the side. Out of the way, cocksucker. Russell somebody out. And then the other guy who hit the ball who got no fucking hate for it at all until years later when they saw more footage. There's a whole documentary about that.

Yeah, I've seen it. It's amazing. The 30 for 30 about how the vibe in the stadium changes and it turns into this angry angry mob from this party in the over the course of 10 minutes. They're not even watching the game anymore. They're fucking ugly. They're just shouting horrible things at this kid who's trying to watch the rest of the game. This poor guy is just and they take him out for his own good. And you want to shout at the people.

There's still an inning to go. Motherfucker. Shut up. This is insane. Yeah, there are. That was the dude. That was creepy. That just shows human nature is terrible when it gets in a crowd.

It shows Chicago fans' nature. It's just any crowd of people when they get together, and especially to mix alcohol in that. Oh, my God. Emotions. It was all over that kid. Yeah, that's true. He was wearing it. And they were drinking from, they were dumping shit from the upper deck.

It's a cold October, and that kid's wearing that shit. That was miserable as fuck, man. Jesus idiots that was so stupid so he starts 75 off in fort lauderdale uh 20 years old by the way mind you so he's a kid uh then he goes to west haven of double a so 20 years old they already have him in double a so that they think he's a comer here and that it in Connecticut? I believe it is, yeah. Florida to Connecticut. That's a fucking lifestyle change.

That's not bad. But still, it's... It's all Sun stuff anyway. And plus, they go around everywhere and they're living in fucking buses and shit. They don't care where they are. It's all terrible. Doesn't matter. Wherever they are, they're living in a shitty concrete room for cheap. That's a fact.

That we do know. So, yeah, he's 2-4 in West Haven and only eight starts that year. He has 44 innings pitched, 45 hits. So the competition gets a little stiffer. He gets a little less dominant here. 76, he starts out in west haven and then they move him up to uh double a knoxville and then triple a iowa uh we'll talk about where that is but that's not with the yankee organization because april 5th 1977 he's traded by the yankees

and this is weird he gets he is traded for like guys who have have dominoes fall. He's a butterfly effect guy. He's traded for people who then do big things for the person. He's that guy. Yeah, it's weird. And it's also, too, he's involved in another, like the biggest record in baseball. What? We'll talk about it.

Okay. He's a weird historical figure, this Lamar Hoyt. He's traded by the Yankees with a guy named Robert Polinsky, who's a minor leaguer, and Oscar Gamble, who you know who Oscar Gamble is, the greatest baseball card of the 70s. The Yankee hat with the fro coming out eight inches on each side under the hat. He put the hat on a giant fro, and it's like, he's a great center fielder. He's got a giant fucking fro. It's awesome. I mean, it's like he's got a oscar he's a great center fielder he's got a giant fucking fro it's awesome i mean it's like a thing an oscar gamble fro like people will say like

it's not like the jerry curl polka no actual afro it's a 70s fro wedged and he put a hat on and then the hat just and then the hair sticks out of it's the greatest baseball card of the 70s by hands down i want to see it's amazing so uh yeah they trade uh him and oscar gamble uh and oscar gamble uh later on and two hundred thousand dollars and cash uh to uh the white socks for bucky dent okay so he goes to the white socks and bucky dent goes back to the yankees uh And Bucky Dent ends up in 1977. And later on, he ends up hitting that home run against the Red Sox. And so he becomes a major historical figure in Yankee history.

And later on, there's somebody else that's traded for a major historical figure in that club's history. Now, he says on the day he arrived, the Iowa manager said, let's see what you've got. And he pitched seven innings the day before Hoyt did. So he said, you guys scouted me. You ought to know what I throw by now. You traded for me, so you should know who the fuck I am. And I just threw yesterday. Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, ask my coach how I was yesterday. The coach thought he was joking, and he told Hoyt to throw. And Hoyt said his arm was tired, and so he threw it like half speed. And after five minutes, he stopped and said, that's it. Like, I'm not doing this anymore. So the coach said, son, I don't know how you've gotten guys out before, but you won't get guys out here with that. So he was just doing half speed.

It was just one of those, like, bullshit. Holler at me in two days, coach. I'm going to lay down. Yeah, I just pitched yesterday. Nowadays, you go in and you'd be like, yeah, I pitched seven yesterday. They'd be like, oh, yeah, well, well you know fucking ice down and do it do your routine and i'll see you in three days climb in the tub yeah do your thing because you're you're you're hurting so uh they uh spark sent him to double a that year and uh he ended up hoyt asked

for his moving expenses back then this was a thing i remember in ball four the jim bouton book he talks about this because back then the guys didn't get paid a lot, especially a minor leaguer. They were making $16,000 a year, shit like that. So when you got traded or when you were sent down or up or somewhere to another town, you had to fucking move. So you had to take your shit and go, and you would need expenses. You'd need to rent a van and a security deposit that you're not going to get back, and then you'd have to put one down at the new place. I broke a lease for this shit. That's what I mean.

They would. And a lot of times the clubs would have ballplayer-friendly apartment complexes that would do month-to-month leases. Oh, that's nice. Sometimes, but sometimes not. Like some of the guys had families and it was a different story. So the one thing they have to do, though, is the club that sends you away has to pay your moving expenses. That's the one thing they owe you is whatever

that is so the yankees are on the hook for that they're on the hook for moving well now the white socks are because he came in triple a and the manager sent him down to double a and so he said okay well you owe me 500 bucks then for my moving expenses and the white socks wouldn't pay him the 500 bucks that's how cheap they were so he threatened to quit uh he said well you don't pay me i'm not fucking pitching for you which is funny because there's a story just like that in the ball for book where they're arguing over eighty eight dollars, eighty eight dollars where they said he owed eighty eight dollars for breaking a door. And he said that they owed him fifty five dollars for five cases of Gatorade that he bought out of his own money for the clubhouse

because it was new and they wanted to try it the team the way how petty it was back then is insane now they don't give a fuck it's million they don't care about dollars pennies those minor league guys knew what what rookies in the nfl were throwing away yeah oh my god and rookies in the baseball now too just tossing it but not the minors and the minors you still live like shit yeah you're still even if you have you know you're doing well you're still in the minors even if you got a big bonus or something like that uh they told him that his his moving expense check the general manager had it they said the gm has it uh so he stayed he's like all right well if you're gonna long as you're gonna pay me uh but he never got the check and uh yeah and paychecks

i guess were coming two weeks late, which is weird. Fucked up minor league shit. How was that? So he threatened to quit again. And he ended up boycotting a game over it, which is fucking interesting. That also is a cut in pay. Which is also a cut in pay. Exactly.

That's one less pay you're going to get. They finally paid him out of the $500 he wanted to moving expenses. They gave him $176. That's what he settled on. Which sounds like. They finally paid him out of the $500 he wanted to moving expenses. They gave him 176 bucks. That's what he settled on, which sounds like that's what the guy had in his pocket. And he's like, how about 100 and set one to 75, $176. How's that? What do you say right now? Cash money.

He's like, fine. He just took it and was like, fucking asshole. Walked away. A bad Craigslist deal. Yeah. Yeah. It's really is a fucking bad craigslist deal uh so yeah 77 he ends up uh he pitches all right but he has a lot of losses in 77 and

but i mean they're i feel like they're treating him like shit he couldn't have felt very good uh 5 and 15 record 470 era so you know not terrific that's his worst year yet so far uh he goes they send him eventually down to single a for a minute we'll talk about that uh all the way down to single a where he goes 18 and 4 with a 290 era because he's too good for single a at that point he's you know 24 years old he's pitching against 18 year olds for some of the time here uh so anyway uh this all happens uh at one point uh the minor league the minor league coordinator for the white socks said to hoyt and son what can we do to make you a better pitcher

and hoyt said quote if you put me in the big leagues and leave me alone i think i'll be okay and so the guy laughed and said yeah sure kid that's what everybody says yeah sure yeah no problem so they said that's great and they sent him to single A. So that happened there. He said, quote, I don't know if they were messing with me. That's like a bad offer up deal. Yeah, you end up with fucking class A. Oh, shit. I will take the majors, please.

All right, single A it is. Oh, damn it. Shit, I should have taken the envelope. Have you ever put anything on offer up? No. You put something on offer up, and you're like, I put an end table on there, and I'm like i'm like 95 and then somebody wrote me i really like your end table will you take five dollars what the fuck are you take three toenails and a pizza crust because that's what i have now and later and a tic tac no i would not about 95 you motherfucker jeez fuck so i'm a struggling

mom with three kids. Oh, Christ. Now I get a sob story? Well, an end table's going to make it. You can feed your kids with that end table now. You can break it up for firewood. What are you talking about? What the fuck?

Then you don't need an end table. You have other issues. Maybe you do need an end table. Everybody on OfferUp is a single mom with a ridiculous amount of children, or everybody is dying. I was going to say, a ridiculous amount of children or everybody is dying. A ridiculous amount of kids or a smaller amount, but one of them is violently, viciously ill.

And the only thing that will cure that child is your end table. He needs to put his apparatus machine breathing thing on it. So right now it's just on the floor and the dog knocks it over and rips the tubes out of his nose. It's very bad our five dollars and save our kid for the love of god save us save our struggling family good motherfuckers and nobody's dying nobody's ever dying damn it so uh

he says about being sent down to class a i don't know if they were messing with with me or if they were like that with everybody i said what the heck If these guys are determining my career, there's no sense in staying. Things were going in reverse. I'd been with one or two pitchers of the major leagues with the Yankees, and now I was at A-ball. I didn't think I had a high value in the White Sox organization at the time. I think they thought I was a jerk. There was a lack of communication. I guess so.

So he quit and went home. Quits and goes home to margaret like he's 17 so that's that uh eventually uh he ends up going back uh in 7 1978 he goes to the class a team like i told you goes 18 and 4 has 13 complete games so wearing that arm down uh and uh they said uh after the season they told him to go to an instructional league, which is like winter ball type thing. And he said in that league, quote, anyone with a breaking ball could pitch. So that was just if you could throw a curveball, you're getting these kids out. Something different.

Yeah. The kids don't aren't they're known for not being able to hit breaking balls well yet. You know, that's in high school. Nobody has vicious sliders. They have very few. They throw some of the kids throw 95. But that's all you need in high school you don't need to have uh you know a change of speed also because that would be

amazing uh uh that winter though uh tony larusa who we all as a yeah multiple world series champion with two different teams and well he started out with the white socks organization did here yeah he did he was uh well not started out but he was uh working fast right you know that's uh tommy lasorda that's the dodgers i've fucking done it before too yeah it's yeah you did larusa lasorda italian managers and there's a ton of them but these two are entirely different men way different look entirely totally different never coached the same ones like a goofy silly fat guy and one is like a very serious stoic much less silly much less sort of fat guy yeah uh with more duis and another so uh larousse has got a few so uh that's what happens in st louis though yeah well everywhere but i mean he won world series in oakland he won world series

in st louis he's uh you know larousse is a bad motherfucker basically he's a bad man and he came up with when he first started coaching in chicago he had weird like new fangled shit like they do now like they have new things now they shift all the time or they do this all the time he was the first uh he had a pitching rotation where guys would pitch three innings rather than start and go five he would want them to go three so there was a different rotation everybody was always ready and it was like this weird he had a whole system set up but the problem was whether it worked or not it didn't matter because the starting pitchers didn't get wins because they only pitched three innings you have to have five to qualify so all of them were saying hey asshole when my contract comes up it's but if they if they're down when they go out after three innings and they get a loss right so they're

like my contract here is going to be shit when i'm oh and 11 next year because you didn't leave me in it long enough to win any fucking game we better win the world series sir otherwise i'm worthless i look like an asshole yeah my stat wise i look like a piece of shit uh so uh he said uh that uh larusa was working in the minor league system and he had an opening for a class a player in the domin Republic. Hoyt figured that there'd be some decent money down there because they need people. And he said, quote, Tony rescued me. They had winter baseball. And this is, Hoyt learned his control that year.

He learned to, his change-up started to come into play in the winter league, and he started to get his control down. And once a, you never know when a pitcher's, a pitcher is a, who knows? You can say, oh, that guy throws 98. But is he ever going to get his control? Who And you never know when a pitcher is a, who knows? You can say, oh, that guy throws 98. But is he ever going to get his control? Who knows? You never know.

Or a guy who looks like shit, he might just figure it out one day where he just has that thing and then he finds his control. It's such a crapshoot pitching. So, yeah, he's not a power guy, so he's more of a finesse pitcher. La Russa ends up going up to double a to to manage and he takes hoyt with him and then he goes up to triple a and hoyt goes with him and he's like hoyt's larusa is hoyt's larusa's guy yeah he likes him and uh 1979 larusa becomes manager of the chicago white socks and uh hoyt gets called up late in the season. September call-ups when rosters expand.

September 14th, 1979 makes his major league debut. How about that? Versus Oakland. They bring him in in relief, as they often do with a rookie kid. They don't start him his first time out. He pitches one inning, no hits, no strikeouts, no walks, no run runs, so just gets out of it without fucking up, which is perfect. That's what you want to do.

Don't draw any attention to yourself. Don't mess it up. The White Sox this year, not very good. They finished 73-87 for fifth in the AL West, which is terrible. They fired their manager, Don Kessinger, halfway through the year and brought in Tony La Russa, who went 27-27, which was an improvement. So 500 was better. Not too shabby.

Lamar that year pitches in two games. Doesn't start either of them. He only pitches three innings. So he pitched two innings the next one. Gives up two hits and really has no other stats. That's it. Two hits and three innings in his first year. But he gets a taste.

He puts the uniform on. Someone else carries his bags into the hotel. Trots out there. Shit's good. When they tag the... Is it righty or lefty? Righty a taste. He puts the uniform on. Someone else carries his bags into the hotel. Trots out there. Shit's good. When they tag the, is it righty or lefty? Righty. It's a righty, yeah. La Russa came out to the mound, tapped that right arm, and here he comes running out of

the bullpen. Had to feel goddamn good. Fucking heroic. That had to feel wonderful. Jesus, I would love that to happen. Wouldn't you love doing, didn't you ever always thought that would be amazing? Yes. Yeah.

Yes. We're not going to happen. No. No, it's all over for us, Jimmy. I wasn't a hard-throwing kid anyway. You weren't going to be. I could get it where it needed to be. You didn't have major league dreams.

I could get it where it needed to be, but if I pitched where it needed to be, it would be over the fence the other way. It's going to be picked also. It's where they need it to be as well is the problem. So 1980, they go 70 and 90, finish fifth in the AL West. I guess they had a couple games that didn't matter, so they didn't make them up, rain games like they do. Fuck it.

Fuck it, yeah. It's a fuck it game. They were out of it. Fuck it. Lamar pitches in 24 games. He starts 13 of them, so they make him a starter. He starts the year off in the minors, and they bring him up early. How about this?

He ends up going 9-3 overall with a.457 ERA, 112 innings pitched, 123 hits, which, you know, I mean, it's not the best, but it's not awful either. Only 41 walks out of that, so, I mean. James, he doesn't know his dad. He doesn't know his mom. He doesn't know anything.

This is fucking amazing. But he's doing great. He's 25. He's doing great, and that's a solid rookie year. he's doing great and that's that's a that's a solid rookie year it's a four and a half is a that's a quality start a quality start is six innings with the ra of four and a half so that's he's averaging about a quality start not spectacular but for a rookie he's holding his own he belongs there at least in the league which is a plus uh 1981 uh they finish uh uh this is weird here they uh i think this was the oh this was a strike year 1981 i believe right yeah because they finished 54 and 52 which is not 104 that's

yeah i think that was a strike 182 that's not 162 at all whatever it is yeah they finished third fuckload is how many games they play yeah yeah it. It's a shitload of fucking games. So they end up, this is Tony La Russa again, they end up, Hoyt ends up going 9-3 again this year. He only starts in one game, but he's in 43. So he's a lot of relief appearances. He pitches 43 games. He's only 90 innings. So that tells you a lot.

But his ERA is.357. So he brings it down an entire run from.457 to.357. Only 80 hits, so he brings his hits under his innings pitched, which was more last year, so he's doing well there. He has less walks this year also, so he's coming around. He's getting better in 1981. 1982, the beginning of the year, May, he is the AL Pitcher of the Month. Wow.

So coming around big time in 82, really figuring it out. The team goes 87-75 and finishes third in the AL West under Tony La Russa, but that's better than they were a couple years ago. They're getting better. He's getting better.

Things are working out. This year, he pitches 39 games. He starts 32 of them. years ago they're getting better he's getting better things are working out uh this year he uh he pitches 39 games he starts 32 of them so he's a he's a he's a starter this year 239.2 innings which nowadays would be an unbelievable iron man they'd be talking about the steel arm of this man and back then that was common as fuck yeah that was just what starters through uh 248 hits uh 94 earned runs on the year uh so uh 48 walks which isn't bad at all uh not terrible 19 wins and 15 losses so and he stays in game so long a lot of innings pitch that he has a lot of decisions that's 19 and 15 is a shitload of decisions 20 wins is terrific that's great no it's it's terrific and especially for a struggling

team like that to have a young guy that can go in and fucking eat some innings and uh you know do it it's not not a bad thing here at all so uh they're impressed with him in 82 and they're expecting better things from him in 83 which is you know what you would expect obviously uh 1983 uh the white socks have a great year. They finished 99-63 which is good for first in the AL West. Fuck yes. So they're a much better team this year. Tony La Russa has brought them from shit

from coming in in the middle of a terrible season to first place. So that's pretty fucking awesome I have to say. They lose in the first round of the playoffs but still they still made it which is impressive. Anyway that was the year 83. I believe that was when the Orioles were a juggernaut.

Really? And Cal Ripken's rookie year and all that in their second year. And they were beastly that year, so I don't think you're going to beat them. Did they win? I believe they won in 83, yeah. So with Cal Sr. as the manager, Cal Jr. as the shortstop, and then Billy Ripken with the fuck on his back. And they haven't forgotten since.

No, no one has since. The Orioles love that team. Or the Baltimore. Oh, Jesus, the Ripkens. Baltimore cannot get enough Ripken. They love those fucking Ripkens. That's their whole thing. Their whole goddamn thing.

The two most beloved people in Baltimore are fucking Cal Ripken and Omar. They're the two. You can't get more popular than either of them, I feel like. I want a scene where Omar robbed Cal Ripken. I think that would have been the most popular scene ever. It would have been amazing. Maybe Ray Lewis. He's got crack.

Cal's slinging. He didn't fucking. It's like, damn, man. How'd you know? Omar's like, I know. Omar know everything. Just cocks his shotgun a man that's been in that town almost as long as joe flacco and they will never love him no he won a super

ball they loved him for five minutes five minutes and they're like that's enough of you he won the super bowl they had a five minute conversation about him being quote unquote elite and then the very next season they're like fuck joe he's garbage again so uh now 83 season so like we said first place they're really good their attendance too goes way up they're up almost a million fans from the year before so that's money in the owner's pocket everybody's happy who's most happy is lamar because he kicked some ass this year. He has a.366 ERA and 260.2 innings and he has 24 wins and 10 losses. He's a beast inning eater.

Leads the league in whip also with a 1.024 whip. He wins the NL Cy Young Award. My Christ. So that's it. You're the best pitcher in the league, Mr. Enjoy. So, I mean, you go from just like the White Sox from shit to being the best in the league. The man didn't know his parents, James.

He didn't know his parents. He didn't know a lot of shit. He ran home after he got drafted. His cousin brother's brains were splattered all over the fucking television set in the living room. And he was the Cy Young winner. Well, Howdy Doody was on. Do you understand how weird that is? That's bananas.

He's watching Jackie Gleason, and next thing you know, it's, oh, God. Somebody got their ketchup and eggs on me. That's not ketchup and eggs. It's not ketchup and eggs there, son. So it's weird, though. He doesn't make the all-star team because he's actually not having a good year by the all-star break. And then he ends up winning 14 straight at the end of the year and closing crazy strong. And that's in the minds of the writers who vote him this young award winner.

That's when they're paying attention to baseball. They don't give a fuck at the start. Yeah, the pennant race is when it's important. Over 60 years, the Cy Young had been given out. 19 Cy Young Award winners had not gone to the All-Star game that year and then got on to win the Cy Young, which is crazy. I guess Corey Kluber of the Indians is the last guy to do that. I don't know who the fuck that is. I think that was when they were in the World Series with the Cubs.

We have an in their own words here from Hoyt, from Lamar, from Dewey Lamar Hoyt Jr. about just about everything and going to the All-Star game and kind of just like a whole state of the Hoyt union, I would say. Sum it all up. Sum up how he's gotten so far. He says, in their own words, quote, I always had the same approach.

I'm a different person when I cross the line, whether it's coming from the first base side or the third base side. When I cross that line, I'm out for business and to make short notice. I always tried to control the pace of my games and make them as fast as possible. If you play a long, hot summer, the more you can keep the

players out there on the field instead of their own, the better you're going to be. So that was my theory on the game, too. Just get off the field as quick as possible and get your batters up to hit. The fielders appreciate that shit. Nothing a fielder hates. If you're Nolan Ryan and you're going to set a

strikeout record, it's fine, but nothing a pitcher would hate, a right fielder hates more than standing out in the afternoon sun while you go three and two to every single fucking batter that's got to be like or pop them up or eventually whatever it is but these you know long at bats you're like god damn it get a fucking ground ball in the second pitch please give them shit to hit and let's get this over with so that's definitely a big deal. Taylor Swift is soaring high.

Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show, Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time, and in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL.

Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. He makes $325,000 for the 83 season, which in 1983 is goddamn good money. That's like a million dollars now. That's good money for a young guy, young dollars now it's a that's good money for a young guy young contract this you know he's still in his first contract does he get a bonus not bad at all i'm maybe you can't do right they most contracts have like an all-star bonus 10 grand all-star bonus cy young it's probably not much that's the thing ouch it's probably not much

and oh it's so cheap too back in the the day, they talked about owners who would like a guy would, you know, if a guy had 150 hits, he'd get a bonus. He'd have 149 and they'd order the manager to sit him down the last three games of the year so he wouldn't get a $5,000 bonus. Fucking cheap bastards. That the guy's fucking earned. It's like, that is the worst shit. He's worked his balls off all year.

And they were sitting up there going, ha, ha, ha, ha. My hair is as silver as can be. My daughter will get her car. Oh, boy. So 1984 season comes in, and he comes in very large and not quite in charge. He comes in. This is the year where he gets up to 275, 280. Or he's like King Kong Bundy coming into the ring.

Carlton Fisk, the all-time great catcher, Hall of Famer. Yeah, White Sox and Red Sox. He says, quote, he's got everything it takes, including a lot of stomach. That's his comment on Lamar coming into camp. I didn't know Fisk was so funny. He's a ball breaker, apparently. People laughed at him. He came into camp weighing over 170 uh pounds and people were

yelling save the whale at him oh no save the whale was a big thing back then those bastards so people were chanting save the whale uh it's kind of one of those things uh baseball fans are the best hecklers ever they are uh this is probably embarrassing i won't say which but i had a cousin uh who was in california when jim abbott played for the angels you know who no you know who jim abbott is stubby arm with one he's got one hand right and he was a teenager he was 16 years old in the 80s and was a complete asshole and he'll tell you now he feels terrible he's a complete asshole i'm sure but him and his friend would sit by the sit by the bullpen and like the upper deck by the bullpen and just yell at people and they'd yell at whoever and they try to annoy them and get them to look up and then act like

yeah right and like just to annoy the fuck out of them just to bust balls and for some reason they just started calling jim abbott's sideshow and they're going hey sideshow hey sideshow sideshow hey sideshow and they're just yelling sideshow at this poor man as he overcomes incredible obstacles to accomplish amazing athletic feats. If you've seen that man throw a pitch and then flip the glove onto his fucking hand and then switch it to, it's amazing just the fact that he can do that. It's incredible. Just in case that ball comes back at him.

Yeah. And he can catch it with that hand again. It's amazing. He doesn't have to knock it down with his nub. And watch him ball that thing into his fucking armpit every time he throws the ball. Dude, it's crazy. And for his troubles. There's no fingers to hold the fucking mitt.

He's got to ball it into his armpit. So for his troubles, he was called Sideshow for an hour and a half by a couple of teenagers yeah by a couple of 15 year old assholes so that's a great story that's terrible i bet you jim abbott remembers if i ever met jim abbott i would honestly apologize for my cousin but i'd be like look dude i don't think you remember this and it had nothing to do with me because i wasn't there and i was like fucking 11 he'd interrupt you and go sideshow sideshow i'd be like yeah he's i'm sure he's very sorry i apologize he remembers every insult ever slung at him i guarantee i'm sure he does man absolutely so uh well he's got an explanation lamar does for his weight uh here he says quote in baseball it's easy to come in after

a game and sit and drink beers beers and, and sit and sit and drink beers. It's hard not to pick up a couple of pounds. None of the other guys are 280, though. That's not a couple of pounds. That's more than beer weight. He had 55 pounds. That's more than beer weight. I've heard that football players will do, the old school kind of guys. They sit around.

They'll have four, five, six beers. But that doesn't make them 280 pounds. They just ran around for fucking hours and played baseball and sweat and you don't get to be 280 like that and also standing in the locker room while they drink those they don't put their feet up and drink a case they're hanging out yeah they just exercise for a long time it wasn't you know cardiovascular it wasn't uh what's the word i'm looking for in that car aerobic it wasn an aerobic exercise, but it was exercise. They sweat. It's hot.

It was movement. It's movement. So their record this year in 84 is 74 and 88. So they kind of let themselves go a little bit, much like Lamar. The team lets themselves go. Now, this is a weird thing. They're in Anaheim, and he hears from Norma again when he's in Anaheim. She called him at the White Sox hotel

and she showed up and they had breakfast together and then that was it. And then another time, the next April, she showed up later on in Atlanta and called him. And he said, quote, she's in the lobby and I have about 10 people up from South Carolina. We were just messing around and she wanted me to come down and visit. I said, wow, I hadn't heard from this lady since I was 18.

He forgot about the breakfast at the hotel. He said, I didn't know how to handle it or take it. I excused myself to her and said, I have a lot of people up here. Quote, maybe that's selfish on my part, but I hadn't seen her. She was like another person. It would be like a fan calling up for my autograph. My mother is my aunt. She hadn't bothered to call for 12 years

so I guess another year wouldn't hurt. I told her, give me an hour or two. I didn't think it'd be nice to leave those people in the room. She acted like if I didn't come down it would be too late. So he never came down and she left and that was that.

So many shades of Joe Dirt. That was, yeah. It's very, he's like Joe Dirt with talent. Yeah. That's the difference. He's a big strapping talented son of a bitch joe dirt minus the fucking space space turd yeah yeah that's so uh at that point they were asking him in this interview like are you gonna try to find her and he goes i don't even know her last name because i don't even know her last name she he said look on your license he said she's been remarried a couple

times she was a bozeman at one time and a Hatfield at one time. She may be something else by now for all I know. He's like, I don't fucking know this lady. She could be a McCoy by now. Could be a McCoy. I'm not tracking her ass down. She was a Hatfield once. She was a Hatfield once.

So now, 82-19 wins was tied for the most in the American League. 24 wins last year in 83 was the most in the American League. This year, he leads the league in something else. He leads it in losses. He's 13-18 this year. So a couple extra pounds. Unlike David Wells isn't helping him. No perfect games with that.

He has a.447 ERA and 235 innings. Last three seasons, he's pitched 239, 260, and 235 innings last three seasons he's pitched 239 260 and 235 innings which is obscene that is fucking obscene that's over 700 innings in three years which nowadays is unheard of you would never pitch 700 innings in three years nobody would that's nuts so much that's so much so a lot of baseball for a fat man that's a lot of wear and tear on that arm for any man fat or not so uh on november uh he leaves on the annual team cruise which i guess they have a team cruise and it's like a team building event

for baseball which they just spent six fucking months together you think they'd be like i don't want to travel anymore with these people i'm tired tired of them. This is ridiculous. But this is a different mode of transportation, Chubby. Y'all were flying and driving. Now it's going to be floating. It's going to be totally different. We go out in international water and anything's possible out there. Ask the Vikings. Let me tell you what.

No, it was supposed to start in San Francisco and take them to Acapulco. And him and a guy named Greg Luzinski, who's a longtime player, teammate, were completely obese. And I guess word got back to the team of how fat he was and how fat they were. And he planned to go on a diet after the cruise. That's what he was going to do. This is my last hurrah. I'm going to blow this cruise out, eat some buffet, and I'm going to go home and fucking you know get on the treadmill or something uh the team said quote that worried us we didn't know what weight he could possibly be up to be up to between december and the start of the season but he could get he

could be 400 pounds by then he has three months to eat this could be fucking we got the holidays coming up yeah oh man it's gonna get bad holidays ain't even here yet yeah but each of these fat fucks on one side of the boat so uh well they called his agent and asked they said will he go to a fat camp in north carolina they asked him to go to a fat camp and no we're not fat shaming it they called it a fat camp back then they said your client willing to go to a fat camp those are the words said uh i'm blown away that an adult needs to do this yeah well it's it's more like a like a spa type figure out you know how to eat right and all that shit just a reprogramming center almost here lots of celery uh so the

agent said let me take care of it because i guess he was big into healthy living and healthy eating and he said he'd take care of it and j Jerry Reinsdorf, the owner, a famous silver-haired middle-aged white man, he agrees to this. Now, he said after a few days, he already lost five pounds. That's great. Took it right off. But while that was happening, just a couple days later, while he's losing weight, the White Sox trade him to the Padres. OK.

They get so worried about his fatness they just get rid of him. And that's what they used to do last year. Or last year. Back in the day. If there was a problem with you no matter whether you were a pedophile, a little overweight or had a drug problem they just pass you off on another team and hope it goes away and it

surfaces with them instead. Or at least it's their problem. Yeah they'd be like we got rid of him. They didn't realize that he's a fucking disaster. Cool. We sold him to Fat Man. Got rid of him. So he's traded with Kevin Christen, who's a minor leaguer,

and Todd Simmons, who's a minor leaguer, to the Padres for Tim Lawler, Bill Long, Luis Salazar, and Ozzie Guillen. No kidding. Who Ozzie Guillen, going to the White Sox, becomes a longtime White Sox, and then their manager for a long time, and kind of a big, huge figure in their organization over the years. So he's a catalyst in that trade. It's so weird.

The two trades there. And these Padres, this is a good team. They were in the World Series the year before. 84 of the Padres and Tigers went to the World Series. Is this the cool jerseys? Yeah, this is year before. 84 of the Padres and Tigers went to the World Series. Is this the cool jerseys? Yeah, this is the brown. These are the cool.

Fuck yeah. These are nice fucking jerseys. Gold and fucking red. Yeah, with the gold around the letters. Yellow. No, with the brown on the shoulders and the white in the middle. They have the brown ones. There's some yellow in it? Yeah, yeah.

Fuck yeah. Dude, they're dope. They're rad. These are dope-ass jerseys. So this is the team that has Steve Garvey. They have Greg Nettles, the ex-Yan this is the team that has Steve Garvey. They have Greg Nettles, the ex-Yankee third baseman that won rings with them. A super young, so long ago that Tony Gwynn wasn't fat yet.

That's how long this was ago. They drafted him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So long ago that they had a thin Tony Gwynn. Bruce Bochy, the future great manager is there. And also Andy Hawkins, the only man I've ever seen lose a no-hitter 4-0. Like a fucking idiot. For the Yankees. It was like Memorial Day.

I've talked about it before. It was a holiday, and he lost to the White Sox, I believe, 4-0. Like a 4-1 or something. How do you do that? Errors, walks. Plus, they were a terrible team. I remember Jim Leyritz playing in the outfield making errors because he's not an outfielder it's a goddamn catcher and fucking he's walking people and then

an error drives into and no hitter no hitter though yay look at you i remember not knowing how to feel about that as a child going like is he the only man to lose a no hitter i don't know that's happened before yeah but never but usually it's one nothing. Yeah. You walked in and there was an error there. Four to one? What the fuck is that? It wasn't even close. Not even close. Also, that's a boring ass game.

Oh, it was. That was the most boring four to one ever. Watch the entire goddamn thing. All of it. And just the horrors, the horrors. I think it was raining outside. That might be the one step lower than one nothing soccer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was goddamn boring so uh at home yeah lamar's wife sylvia uh he's got a wife named sylvia who was suffering long suffering here uh she bought a you know cookbooks on health food and had to cook chicken instead of you know pork and beef and all that type of shit. She learned all the low-calorie cooking. He got into teriyaki chicken. That was like his new favorite thing. He thought that shit was low-cal. Yeah, yeah.

He thought, he said if his wife made swordfish right, that it tasted like steak. So he liked that. Swordfish is a hearty, thick steak. I could see that. It's a little denser fish meat. Which was his favorite. And now he's got the swordfish. They didn't make any more fried soup fruits he switched to salads he really changed his shit up

he really did he came in what did he lose no he came he lost like 40 pounds okay like he lost 40 to 50 pounds oh that's great he came into camp the next year they didn't even recognize him when he walked in literally they they didn't reckon a big, giant, fat guy with a beard to come in and he tells the receptionist that he's the guy you traded for me and they're like, okay. And then he eventually, like the third time, he goes, I'm the big, fat guy you traded for. He's lost a bunch of weight, but that's

who you're expecting. They told you a big, fat guy's coming. I used to be the big, fat guy you guys traded for. So finally, they paged Jack McKeon, who's a famous guy and went on to be the manager fat guy you guys traded for yeah so finally they paged uh jack mckeon who's a famous guy and went on to be the manager of the marlins later on and all that he was the padre's general manager at that point he was paged and they told him to go to the lobby uh where uh i guess mckeon was just blown he was didn't even couldn't believe it was him he's like holy shit you're a different

human being you made a ball player out of you. Everybody expected him to be 30 pounds heavier when he came back, and he was 40 pounds lighter. And they were saying, like, McKeon was worried about the trade, and he said the second he saw him, he goes, you just alleviated all my worries, kid. You're a starter, kid. That's all I worried about was that you're going to come out of shape and not care. Apparently, you made it a priority to get in shape, which is a good sign.

You must really like that you're in San Diego. Yeah, absolutely. And they wanted the trade because they needed more pitching after being beat by detroit in the playoffs so they were trying to shore up their pitching with a former cy young award winner uh lamar said feeling all trim and two he's still 235 but he's a thick guy too i mean he's just a thick dude he said quote i feel like a. This is the new Lamar point. So he's ready to fucking roll. He said he had the team's best tan, too. Really? So, quote, I learned how to get a tan in winter ball.

You can't watch TV there anyway because you don't know what they're saying. So you have to lay out. So rather than learning Spanish, he decided to get skin cancer. He thought that was a better option. I'm near the equator and I can't understand the TV. So fuck it. So shit. Somebody get me a strawberry salad. I'll near the equator and I can't understand the TV, so fuck it. Oh, shit. Somebody get me a strawberry salad.

I'll be by the pool. Yeah, I'll be out there. Strawberry salad sounds nice, Jim. It's delicious. He said that he thought it was bullshit that he was traded from the White Sox. He didn't understand why they traded him. Like, their thing was, well, we have so much pitching that we had extra. And he's like, that's not a problem in baseball.

Nobody has too much pitching. An injury tomorrow and then you don't have enough pitching he says quote no one has that much pitching and it's telling the tale now with their pitching situation i just didn't understand at the time why the socks got rid of me or why they deal brit burns to the yankees after he pitched so well last season so he's just questioning the white socks front office shit that they did before 1985 season he goes to the all-star game uh for the first time and uh he's just questioning the white socks front office shit that they did before 1985 season he goes to the all-star game uh for the first time and uh he's the all-star game mvp okay i was gonna say as a seat as a as a cy young award winner you didn't go but then again he turned it on after the all-star break and this year he had a very good uh big start of the year. He says, this is funny shit. The umpire at the all-star game was a guy who he didn't like,

a guy who he didn't like the way he called games. He said, quote, I didn't like what he was doing. And he was the same guy who broke my winning streak in Detroit two years before. So he said he called him out of a shit game here. He said he was pissed off. He said, quote, so I walked down the mound, and he said to the umpire, quote, this ain't Detroit, and this ain't no regular season game.

I said, are you going to call the game right or what? Do I have to get thrown out of this goddamn game? He said, I don't know if anybody's ever gotten thrown out of the All-Star game. I don't think they have. I don't think so. It's usually a friendly game. There's usually a lot of smiling going on. A lot of smiling, yeah.

You hit a ball, a home run off somebody, they shake their head at you and point your finger and they smile. I think the pitcher generally walks over and high-fives you as you run around the bases. Generally, it's known that you're going to get a lot of fastballs. They're trying to throw strikes, and you hit the ball great. That's the way it is. This is for the fans today. It's for the fans, and let them go play some defense.

This doesn't count on your stats. Right. This doesn't even count against the World Series later. Doesn't count for shit. Now, back then, not at all. So he said the umps said, quote, nah, I'll call him. And he said then he called them right after that. So for some reason, he didn't like him the first time. I don't know.

So he wins the All-Star MVP award, which is weird. In the fifth inning, the NL scored two more runs, and he thought that he knew that he'd be the pitcher of record, but he didn't think he'd win the award. He said, quote, I went up and sat in the clubhouse and talked to Pedro Guerrero, who's a famous fucking idiot. He was the guy whose defense was he's too stupid to run a drug empire. They said he's too dumb to tie his shoes and make his bed so he couldn't possibly deal cocaine. But he did. But he did. He said, I was talking to Pedro Guerrero when we watched the rest of the game on the TV. Then some guy from the commissioner's office came and told

me I was going to be MVP if the score stayed the same. Everybody's always playing practical jokes on people. So I started yelling at him like, who paid you? Who made you come in and say that? And he ran out of the clubhouse pretty much. but he comes back like five minutes later with a with a card from peter uber off asking me if i'd be in uniform the dugout at the bottom of the ninth inning since it came from the commissioner i figured i better go down there should probably do that probably go down there uh it's pretty funny he said uh also uh i was a little ticked off because i had a few good years in the American League and thought I should have had an opportunity to play in one earlier. In 82, he said he started off the year 9-0, and it was kind of an insult not to go to the game,

but being the MVP of this one made up for all the past, he said. That's nice. So that's nice. Now, this Padre team under manager Dick Williams, which is a great name, finished 83-79, so 79 so mediocre yeah just nothing spectacular uh lamar in his all-star 85 season goes 16 and 8 okay fantastic a 347 era so again lowers his era an exact uh run uh which isn't bad at all uh 210 innings pitched, so add that to the total. It's a shitload. 210 hits exactly in that, so not too shabby there.

Only 20 walks, so his control is amazing. 20 walks and 210 innings is really fucking good. That's a phenomenal thing here. And everybody likes him. They keep talking about how much everybody likes him. The manager saw him for the first time, Dick Williams, and he said, quote, my gosh, he throws just like Catfish Hunter. He said, but you hardly know he's even here. I like that.

He's a quiet guy. I don't get any shit from him. So that's perfect. Now, the White Sox, they said that they were much happier to be rid of him at this point. They talk a lot of shit about him. It's weird. San Diego of him at this point. They talk a lot of shit about him. It's weird. Everybody in San Diego loves him, you bastards. Well, no, no, the team, not the players.

The players liked him. They think he's great. From the office, though. Yeah, they said a bunch of players, the White Sox players were watching TV in the clubhouse, and they saw Hoyt pitching for the Padres, and they said, where was the beard? Where was the belly?

Didn't he used to win ugly? Where'd he get that tan? So they're all looking at him like, dude, look at him. He looks great. He's all thin and not bearded and all that shit. And one of the players said, yeah, I saw him on TV. And the other guy said, that's the new Lamar Hoyt right there, I guess. And everybody was like, yeah, that's like everybody's like, yeah, good for him.

And they were like high fiving over him. Watching TV. Watching him like, yeah, good for Lamar. So everybody fucking likes him. That's the thing. Joe Sparks. This is funny. over him watching tv watching him like yeah good for lamar so everybody fucking likes him that's the thing uh joe sparks this is funny a former minor league manager in the white socks organization that's the guy he fought with and the guy who sent him down to single a gotcha who he fucking hated and he thought that that you know sparks hated him uh he said uh lamar doesn't like him

lamar is there's not a lot of guys lamar doesn't like and this guy is one of them he's vocal about it he's vocal yeah he uh but hoyt hadn't told sparks that now uh he kept it to himself sparks who was selling cars in phoenix at the time which is terrible out in the heat sweating oh god help you look at something squinting in the sun jesus can i show you a dodd shadow just get in it's it's. We'll start it up. It'll crank right up. So he saw Hoyt at spring training in March of that year while he was selling cars. Hoyt might have said, well, look who's right now. I'm an all-star and you're selling cars, moron.

Not that there's anything wrong with selling cars, but if you were going for a career in baseball, it's not where you were looking to end up. And that's where you wound up. Yeah. wrong with selling cars but if you were going for a career in baseball it's not where you were looking that's where you wound up uh yeah he said that uh this spark said that they had a conversation a brief pleasant conversation and he said that uh sparks has a lot of class or spark said that hoyt has a lot of class he said quote he's a most courteous guy uh he looks like he came from a family that had real good upbringings. Everything was yes, sir, no, sir. Well, no. You're a terrible judge of character, sir. He came from not that at all. But that's okay.

He remembers a child being accidentally killed. So there's that. I mean, that's a thing. And that child was his cousin who was being brought up as his brother. That's his cousin brother. These things happen. How about that? Now get back to the fucking brochures on the new Dodge Ram, sir.

Oh, shit. But he makes $975 000 bucks that year all right pretty goddamn good especially for the 1985 that's good goddamn money and let's just say he's a cy young winner he's an all-star he's making good money grace that's it this is grace right here it's uh from here it is a slip and slide of atrocities and problems and issues that that happen so febru February 86 comes around. This is when pitchers and catchers have to report early. They report like around Valentine's Day.

Now, before his 86 preseason physical, he filled out a waiting room questionnaire in the place that they go for the physical. It's a sports medicine place. They say, what drugs is he taking? And he said, Valium and restoril uh now uh there they said was there any problems associated with the use of the listed drugs that he would like to discuss with the physician and he answered yes and they didn't talk shit they didn't say a word to him but they didn't ask him anything they completely fucking ignored that so he put it on the form that he's asking for for some of help, and they ignored him completely.

Now, what ends up happening later on, they end up believing that he's a big cokehead from this. It's a weird thing. This was old people that were in charge of shit, had very little knowledge of anything drugs. So they were like, what's he on, Valium? So he's a cocaine user? I hear he's smoking the crocane now like they didn't have any idea what the fuck that was going on uh so we'll talk about that in a second here uh he ends up uh february of 86 turns out he says he has a problem with pills and i

believe him yeah uh based on the fact that he is detained at the border from mexico at uh san ysidro that's how it is san ysidro at the border for trying to carry across three grams of weed, 79 Valiums, and 46 Quaaludes. There's your problem. So that's an issue. And three grams ain't much. That's a half ounce. Yeah.

That's not even an eighth. Not even a quarter. An eighth is three and a half grams. A quarter is seven. So that's not even an eighth. So that's just like a few joints yeah in mexico back then it's probably three bucks i'll bet it was a three bag it's probably a buck a gram so uh a child selling chiclets and pencils yeah yeah absolutely so uh yeah he's he's he has problems he said that he and his wife sylvia

were having trouble at the time. He said that she was suspicious of there being other women because you know he's a baseball player and that's what they do and he said there was no need to be suspicious. He said quote Sylvia was raising hell and causing trouble. When you do what I do for a living

there's always groupies people hanging around and the worst thing is when you get letters from people you don't even know. I mean females offer themselves in any particular way i mean you don't ask for these things i get these letters sent to the ballpark a lot and they'd forward them to my house during the winter and sylvia would open them uh so he said they'd be uh they were uh you know this was causing a lot of problems in the marriage he says we were having marital difficulties. My wife was upset all the time, crying, and I wasn't sleeping well.

He's got a huge sleep problem. He can't sleep at all. He sleeps like me, this fucking guy. He said, so I went and asked for sleeping pills. I wasn't sleeping at all. Never. Period. And my arm hurt.

It's hard sleeping with a bad shoulder. So this is a problem, too. He's got shoulder pain, and he's trying to self-medicate. Rather than figuring out what's wrong with his shoulder back then, you would try to kind of kept that to yourself because you didn't want the team to think your shoulder was shit. So they would try to hide shit and self-medicate, and that's what they did. They were like wrestlers back in the day.

Like, well, my knee's fucked up, but I need to work, so I'm going to fucking just take a bunch of pills and drink some booze, and I'll just go up to the hotel and die in here. Right. Like, it's insane. I'll die in a parking lot in my 50s that's it yeah we're mainly in a hotel that's my one goal is to not die in a hotel room that's i just don't want to die in a hotel room no john panett like that's all i'm asking jesus christ that's that's that's the worst i don't want to die in a fucking hotel room jesus Christ. That's how John Panette died. That's how a lot of comedians and wrestlers die.

A hotel room with fucking tons of... And Greg Giraldo. Comics and wrestlers die with painkillers and booze and cocaine coursing through their system in hotel rooms. It's just the way we all... What's the way we go out and they go out? It's a very similar lifestyle. It's how you handle it. That's it.

So for comics, it's for mental similar lifestyle you handle it that's it so uh if it's for comics it's for mental pain that's the difference he says we were having uh she was upset all the time crying and i wasn't sleeping well uh hard sleeping with a bad shoulder he says we were getting a divorce for one thing or talking about it and that's when i left for san diego we were separated uh he had a bottle of valium with sylvia but he took a few pills with him on the airplane he said he needed to sleep and that's why he also had the marijuana, was it helped him sleep, which I get that, mister. On February 10th there, he'd been told,

he went to the doctor and been told his shoulder was fucked up. And his shoulder is highly fucked up, we'll find out. Way more fucked up than he thought it was. Really? He figured he'd go to Mexico to look at jewelry at that point for some my shoulders messed up uh got a drug problem i might as well get some bling bling let's go get some turquoise jewelry shall we so he left before he left he said he stuffed some of sylvia's pills uh between four and six in his pocket as well as two joints and he said in case he wanted to sleep he also said he carried between two and

three thousand dollars in cash for the jewelry right down there uh so he said he was in tijuana uh he saw a switchblade in a store window which we'll talk about that for a second so he bought it for protection because he had all that money on him which makes sense he's in tijuana in 1983 or 1986 he's you probably you know it's a rough town. That was in 2006. It's dangerous. Yeah, 1986, way worse. So he says he met a taxi driver, a guy named Javier. He says he can't remember how they met, just that Javier was sitting there on the sidewalk and they began talking.

Somehow the subject turned to Valium and sleeping pills. Weird. So weird. You know, it's weird. Most people I meet within the first five minutes were we're bringing up Valium and sleeping pills. Isn't that weird? Yeah. It's always every person I talk to.

How do you sleep? And he goes, there's Valium and sleeping pills. You need some? You need some because this is Mexico, you know, and there's a lot. And you could just buy it here over the counter. It's fine. So Javier told Hoyt that he could get him some. He could get him a whole bunch as soon as he wants it.

No, this is Mexico. So Hoyt left javier some money over 100 and that's all i'll say he says and he said he'd come back in a week or so to get the pills uh so hoyt headed for the border and that's where they found the pills on him uh he says quote i'd given sylvia the prescription bottle that's why i didn't have the bottle if i'd had him in the bottle i'd never even have gotten trouble i just had them in my pocket i told the guy what they were the valium and they laughed and said yeah sure uh but see i had two joints in my pocket too two joints four valium and a knife he says now uh he says the

officers told him to pay a 575 fine and be on his way okay now a week later he served with divorce papers so now he's hit hard uh his wife uh they're now separated and he's got divorce papers and she hired a well-known divorce attorney so this is i'm gonna fucking clean you out uh named marvin mitchelson and uh he said that that was like kind of he kind of spun out from there because he's like oh not only does she want to divorce me she's serious she's got this fucking lawyer. And we're in California. I'm about to be ruined. Shit's going to fuck me up.

So later on the same day that he gets the papers, he says he wants to go out for a ride in his brand new 1962 Corvette. Yeah. Which is a sweet ride. Jesus Christ. He didn't have any pills on him, but he did have weed. And he runs a red light in Kearney Mesa. And the police happen to see him, and they pull him over. Because he's in a less than conspicuous vehicle.

Yeah, they see him, and it's funny, too. You run a stop sign in that car. I'm surprised they don't just pull you over to take a look at the car. You know what I mean? Be careful out there, chief. You're probably admiring your dashboard. I understand. It's a beautiful fucking piece of machinery.

Your dash is all metal. That is pretty impressive. That's pretty nice. No, instead, they surround the car with their guns drawn for a stop sign, which is odd. So they search him, and they find the weed, and they also find a switchblade on him, which is illegal also. So he's got an illegal weapon and the weed. So at this point, word gets back to the padres and they're like okay this is a fucking disaster now this is twice in in two weeks that he's got problems here they begin negotiations

to send him to the hazelden foundation which is a drug and alcohol clinic uh in minnesota and it's one that the uh owner of the padres supported financially uh smith uh this guy he calls hoyt's agent and uh they worked out the details they uh they i guess uh hoyt was in yuma where spring training would just had just started and they told him to go home to san diego and bring everything with him but they didn't tell him why which is like oh boy that's a shit phone call yeah yeah that's a that's a shit phone call man that's that's terrible uh he says He says about the whole thing, quote, I got in trouble at Kearney Mesa. I've got two joints and a knife.

So the Padres say, oh, it's his second brush with the law. He's obviously got a drug problem. Let's send him to a rehabilitation center. Two joints. That does not merit going to a rehab center. I guarantee you that. No. The other things do, though.

Sublime will tell you when you smoke two joints, you smoke two more. Well, maybe, but maybe not. And then things do, though. Even Sublime will tell you when you smoke two joints, you smoke two more. Well, maybe, but maybe not. That was Sublime, right? And then you do what? I think it was. And then what bad happens? And then you smoke two more. And then what?

And then you smoke two more. And? And then you keep smoking two more. And then you go to sleep after you ate some Lucky Charms, and you're an adult, and that's your life and prerogative. What's the fucking difference? You don't go out and fucking blow things up. I guarantee you that.

Very little. None of the 9-11 hijackers had weed on them i guarantee you none of them probably did nancy reagan if she were if she were around it's got to be i think it's somebody's joke they're like they'd be like let's oh wait wait so we're going where now for why for why for why maybe we order pizza instead maybe we try again tomorrow i don't know this is ridiculous to you know this is good weed we have an eighth left why why why fly and build it you know we finish weed at least till tomorrow allah will understand so it's yeah i think so so jesus christ for both these things, he's ordered a $620 fine, and he forfeits the drugs, obviously. He ends up being the other thing, a plea agreement, the weed and the switchblade. He gets a $375 fine, and he's placed on three years probation. On February 27th of that year, he enters a substance abuse.

He enters Hazleton there in Minnesota. He's sent there for 28 days by the team who persuaded him to go there. He didn't want to go there at first. He ended up staying the whole time. He was allegedly diagnosed in the beginning with having an alcohol problem, and he denied it. And he denies it publicly, too. He had a court hearing, and his attorney said, do not fucking talk to the press. Whatever you fucking do, you ignore them.

You look straight ahead and you walk into that fucking court. You shut the fuck up. So on the way in, he looks over at the reporters and says, I am not an alcoholic, which is not what they told him to do. They were like, God damn it. Exactly the opposite of what the fuck we told you to do. God damn it. You fucking moron. What the fuck we told you to do?

God damn it. You fucking moron. So the lawyer said, quote, I begged him to keep his mouth shut, but I don't know what he's going to do. And I can I can tell him to keep quiet. But that doesn't mean he will. I think he will. He promised he will. I don't know. So he's just like, I don't even know anymore.

He's annoying me. But he didn't lie. I mean, he's not necessarily in trouble for booze. He's in trouble for drugsze he's in trouble for drugs that's a good point and uh the the uh president of the team ballard smith told him quote it might be okay to have this happen once but not twice yeah that's silver baby shame on me right there how does it go shame fool me one shame on me fool me one shame on you fool me twice shame on me that's the the whole thing so me you and george yeah so uh hoyt says here lamar says that the people at the foundation uh labeled him an alcoholic

because his father's an alcoholic and he said that's not fair no he said quote to get in there and to get and to get told i'm an alcoholic is something i really didn't accept and i don't think i ever will still the thing that amazes me is figuring out how I can be an alcoholic after being arrested twice for having two joints. That's something I still haven't figured out and probably never will. It's a tag I'll have to wear for the rest of my life. And he says that, yeah, he said that the joints in his coat pocket now, in one interview he says, I took them in case I wanted to sleep,

and then in another interview he says, I haven't worn the jacket in five years years and i didn't even know they were in there and bad weed now i was surprised that i was didn't even i was surprised as a customs agent to pull him out of there after five years is that even weed anymore yeah right no shit he said he never had quaaludes or valium as as reported which is what he ended up pleading to so you were charged with it yes and he pled guilty to also uh and then when he said he's when he got the weed and the other thing, the weed and the knife, he said, quote, he thought he was going to be killed. He said the police drew their guns. And I said, holy shit, I turned sideways. So they'd hit me in the side, not the front, because I had my cousin killed when I was 18 years old and I don't like guns.

I'm totally afraid of guns. So, yeah, he's that's not he's not into guns because he watched his cousin get murdered and for not murdered but accidentally shot in front of him so uh yeah he said that his nerves and everything he was all messed up but it wasn't because of alcohol it's because he never pitched uh the way he pitched like that he's pitching like shit now and it's because his arm hurts and he said his shoulder still hurt and he's had tendinitis in his rotator cuff yeah and it's just not healing up and that's what's screwing him up and making him not be able to sleep and the pain and all that shit which is fair and uh plus he said you know the shit with his wife was weighing in on him he said i'd say

it had a lot to do with my arm i wasn't worried i was worried i'd never be able to pitch again or pitch in the manner i used to that was probably the main contributing factor to my emotional state of mind. Plus, going through the process of telling my wife I wanted a divorce, I was the one who initiated that action and also her hiring Marvin Mitchelson as her attorney. That was rather devastating. I cared enough about her that I wanted her to hire a good attorney, but not a bloodsucker that was out to pad his pocketbook and not looking out for her welfare now we're getting there i wanted it to be nice i wanted to have a nice amicable divorce amicable divorce and have everything be fine but then she wanted to take my money and i'm like oh hey hold on a second i wanted to fuck other chicks but i didn't want to pay you for it that's what he said i still gotta live that's basically what he said there like hey

whoa i know i wanted to get some strange but uh they're not going to be impressed with my single wide no calm down with taking all my money he wanted to quit baseball when he was in rehab really he uh he said i was there at hazleton for 10 days and i called up ballard who's ballard smith the president of the team and i told him i was leaving and i didn't want to play baseball anymore uh he said he was just uh uh he said it was just too he didn't like the the environment he said one counselor upset him a lot at hazelden he said quote he was just he said it was just too. He didn't like the environment. He said one counselor upset him a lot at Hazelden. He said, quote, he was just this suspicious guy who didn't believe anything I said. I told Ballard if this was the kind of crap I'd have to go through for rehab, I could see what would happen when I get out. I didn't think it was fair.

I mean, I wasn't an alcoholic. I'd done what they, the Padres, asked me to do. They asked me to go to Hazelden for five or seven days. That's what I'd done. After 10 the Padres, asked me to do. They asked me to go to Hazleton for five or seven days. That's what I'd done. After 10 days, I was ready to get out. I didn't feel like I belonged there. The guys in there didn't feel like I belonged in there either. He said, I let a lot of responsibilities go by the wayside. I threw a lot of things off on other people, like my agent. I wasn't handling any of my own affairs. I was letting my wife handle all the financial situations. I couldn't tell you before how much things cost. Now I can. I'm paying all the bills, living up to my responsibilities,

and I feel very good about it. So he was saying it was just, you know, he said before I was in such disarray of thought that I really had no idea what I was doing, where I was or what I was even wearing. Unfortunately for me, I was caught in a couple odd situations to say the least, but that's something I can't do anything about. It happened. It's part of my history. It's part of my past, and it's a reputation I'm not very proud of. But it's something I have to live with.

He said, if you're going to label me an alcoholic, you're calling 75% of the players in baseball an alcoholic, which is completely factual. They go out and drink just about every fucking night. I'm not surprised. Technically, they're alcoholics, but, you know, whatever.ics but you know whatever functioning they're functioning yeah that's the thing uh he said it doesn't bother him uh now that he's not trying not to drink he said it doesn't bother him when teammates drink beer in front of him he said it would be real hard if i were an alcoholic it would be hard if i had to have the stuff but it's never made any difference to me whether i drink or i don't drink it's no big deal I have no trouble not drinking whatsoever. Right now I'm in a position where I don't want to drink and it's probably more

practical than I don't. He says he hasn't smoked weed or used drugs in two years. He said alcohol. Maybe I used to have a couple of beers from time to time. If that may be a wine or a beer. He said that he's alone now and kind of set apart from his teammates cause, uh, he can't, cause he doesn't want to drink or do the things they want to do. He says, quote, I'm off by myself now. Uh, so I guess that's the way it's going to have to be for a while. So yeah, he's kind of separating himself and now he's like this depressive guy who's kind of depressive anyway. And now he's kind of can't even hang out with the guys and do shit like that.

Which makes you more depressed. That shit is a vicious drug. guys and do shit like that. He's on Valium, which makes you more depressed. That shit is a vicious drug. He's on shit like that. He's in the middle of fucking home problems and financial issues. It's a mess, man. Valium's so bad for it, though. It's so bad. It exacerbates every symptom that you have that implies kill yourself.

Yeah, well, that's, yeah. It's a bad one. Yeah, I think that and depression aren't a good. No, they're a terrible mix. Not a good mix. Really terrible mix. Alcohol, I think it's for that and depression aren't a good. No, they're a terrible mix. Not a good mix. Really terrible mix. Alcohol probably bad too with that. And then they treat injuries with that shit and you're already depressed that you can't

move or that you hurt when you do. And then you're jamming this shit into your face that makes you want to just pull the trigger. And the alcoholic thing. And first of all, let me say that I don't know the truth of it. I'm not a doctor. We're not doctors. We're not counselors.

We don't know shit. But there's a certain contingency of alcohol counselors. Like if you ever listen to the old love lines, Dr. Drew on there would tell people all the time that they're an alcoholic. And they're like, I don't drink at all. And they're like, but you're still an alcoholic. And they're like, I don't understand what you're saying. You can't say that to me.

They're like, I don't get it. And they're like, well, both your parents are alcoholics. So odds are you're an alcoholic. And they're like, yeah, but I don't drink. Well, it hasn't been activated yet, but you're an alcoholic. And they're like, well, both your parents are alcoholics. So odds are you're an alcoholic. And they're like, yeah, but I don't drink. Well, it hasn't been activated yet, but you're an alcoholic. And they're like, but I don't even like fucking liquor. What are you talking about? So I get that technically, scientifically, whatever it might be, that might be true.

But it's hard for people to accept. I think that they're an alcoholic if they don't drink. They mean alcoholic in terms of a broad sense of addiction, not just alcohol, but alcohol is a tendency to other drugs and shit like that. It's all the same. Personality. Tent. You're doing things.

Your patterns of behavior right now mirror and match that of an alcoholic. Yeah. You touch booze and start to get a taste for it. Yeah. You're going to be fucked sometimes. Right. Like I come from a lot of alcoholics in my family. I just really don't like booze.

I'll have a beer and I drink three quarters of it. I'm like, that got warm now. I just I'm not into it. I don't like booze i'll have a beer and i drink three quarters of it i'm like that got warm now i just i'm not into it i don't know i can't get into it i'm i'm old enough now or if i was gonna get into it i'd have fucking got into it by now just don't really like it that much i love that shit never uh really have we need another story so so uh he says uh now the 86 season comes around. Back to baseball. This is Pete Rose going for the all-time hit record. Trying to break Ty Cobb's all-time hit record. He says, Lamar says, quote,

I remember starting a game against Cincinnati and Pete Rose was trying to break the hit record. I told our catcher, Bruce Poche, ask him if he wants to know what's coming. Because a lot of times that's what they'll do. If it's a record situation, they'll be like, I'll groove one for him. Fuck it it i'll be in that highlight reel forever that's my name's always out there for space jam if you want michael jordan to get a hit that's it that's it right there yeah that's what it is uh so he said uh uh hoyt said i mean i can give up a

hit to be part of an all-time record you know every time they'd show that replay i'd be a part of it and when can you get and when you get your hands on being a piece of a national moment like that you've got to realize it but pete being the man that he is said no way i don't want to know what's coming oh which is insane that's unheard of everyone's like fuck yeah throw it about here well how about pete's that shit no i want this shit the right way no he's a fuckhead integrity he's a no on the field the guy's an animal ball player there's no let up p Pete Rose never shaved a run. He wants to kick your ass. There's no quitting that, man. He wants to kick your dick in the dirt,

but he might bet against the team before the game because he doesn't think he's going to do well. That won't stop him from playing hard, though. So he said, so, quote, first time up, one pitch, he hits a fly ball to shortstop. Next time, he flies out to left. Then next pitch, another pop-up to shortstop. And I'm still just throwing fastballs right down the middle middle i'm not even really trying to put anything on it he i guess was screwing up

the way batters do sometimes but then the next thing uh the next thing that got me uh eric chow started against him in the first inning he hit a one hopper to left field and broke the record so he almost the day he was the pitch the game before damn it and eric chow ended up pitching who is a disastrous human being. Really? Oh, my God. I can't wait to talk about it. Wow, is he a mess.

I don't know if there's enough for a crime in sports. He didn't really get arrested much, but just a fucking train wreck of a life. Okay. Very sad. So July 86, here it comes, Jimmy. Yeah. This is possibly the funniest reason that anyone's ever missed a ball game or of any kind sporting event in life. He's injured.

And this is I mean, I don't have proof of this, but this is everything you read about him. It's in it's in his oral. It's in his history, oral and written. He misses a start due to a burn injury. to a burn injury. He's burned on his back when his hair, when his back and ass hair catch fire when he tried to light a fart. No. Get the fuck out of here.

He said, hit the lights. And somebody turned the lights off. And then he went, oh, shit, Jesus Christ. And he went up in a blue fucking flame and missed a major league start. I wish that was on video. Because his butthole was burned. See, this is July 86. No cell phone cameras.

Someone would have went to record that. He would have said, hit the lights, and they would have turned the camera on, and then they would have showed him go up in a fucking blue flame. That's a man that took his shirt and pants off to do it, too. Yeah. Because otherwise, you don't get burned. Well, no, maybe his pants. Yeah, I assume he probably did that. Well, maybe it was a nasty meth act. I've seen guys do it too yeah because otherwise you don't get burned well no maybe his pants yeah i assume it's

he probably did maybe it was a nasty method i've seen guys do it they'll lay down throw their art like legs behind their head like they're fucking getting plowed and fucking yeah i like that shit i've seen that a few times but he lit his hair back hair his back hair his ass and back hair like it went up his ass crack and lit it fucking like a forest fire. There's not a lot of force behind that, then. It kind of trickled up. And burned him pretty good, apparently. I don't know if the fart, if it got in his underwear. He pushed too slow.

Yeah. That's what happened. Well, he might have sucked back in, too, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that'll burn your asshole and burn all your hair, too. I'm not sure of the art of this. That is amazing. He missed a game.

He missed a game due to flammable flatulence. Can you imagine calling it into work? Listen, guys. Can you imagine an accountant calling it into work and being like, I can't come in today? I'm injured. You're injured? What happened? I'm burned.

Oh, my God. Was there a fire? Is your house on fire? Are your kids okay? No, it was a pretty concentrated fire it was very acute um about the size of a quarter it was a very small fire spread it's a concentrated burn it's a very concentrated burn very concentrated very controlled they got a little bit out of control out of control but one little roll and i was out of it so he misses a start there which tells you how his career he got a slow push on a blue flame it's not good you really

gotta get that one out sir you gotta fire that they really gotta expel that shit so much like his lighted fart the team does not do well, nor does he that year. This is a record here is 74-88, good for fourth place. Not very good. I mean, one of your pitchers lights a fart and misses games, so that tells you where your season's going. That's how bored your team is. They're lighting their farts on fire. Yeah, fuck it.

Why not? In July. He starts 25 games, goes 8-11, so not terrific. A 5-15 ERA. Well, his buttholes hurt, so it's difficult to pitch that way. 159 innings pitched, 170 hits, so that went up a little bit. His walks

even creep up a little bit more than normal, so he's 68 walks as opposed to 20 the year before. So he's not doing well and not doing well so much that that's the last. October 3rd is the last game he'll pitch in the majors ever. That doesn't mean his career is over in the majors, but it means that it's the last game he actually appears in.

We'll find out what that means because he's still on the payroll for a couple more years, and he gets re-signed, and it's a whole mess here. Lucky Doc. His whole career, his whole career his career numbers eight years 98 and 68 so uh you know at least an over 500 record a 399 era so he can say i have an era under four lifetimes so that's pretty cool uh 1311 innings pitched uh 1313 hits so pretty close on that one not bad 681 strikeouts and 279 walks. It's not a bad little career here overall.

Not terrible. He makes a million dollars that year, which is fantastic in 86. So he's made almost $3 million, right? Yeah, and by the end of the season, he's back together with Sylvia. Oh! So, I mean, things are looking up. She heard about a million dollars. She heard about that million.

Let's have a chat. She goes, well, I don't know. Let's give him another chance, maybe. We things are looking up. She heard about a million dollars. She heard about that million. Let's have a chat. She goes, well, let's, I don't know. Well, let's give him another chance, maybe. We'll talk about it. So, things are looking up for him. I mean, this looks like a bounce back from a post-Grace mess. Like, you know, things are going to be fine until October 16th, 1986. Oh, no.

When he is arrested, shocking, at the San Ysidro border. Again, same place. Same place. October 16th. This time he's trying to import 490 pills. That's a lot. So now he's got a load. He went back to Javier and fucking went to pick up his load here. 322 turned out to be Valium, and 138 were suspected to be Quaaludes at the time.

So it's the same thing. That's what he's into. Spends the night in San Diego in jail. Goes to federal court the next day wearing a prison jumpsuit. And he's got his beard back, too. Post-season beard here. So he went across. This is another wonderful way of getting caught.

Goes across on foot and tries re-entering at the pedestrian entry at san ysidro he's met by a customs agent who questioned him about his citizenship which is what they do they go what country are you from and what do you have anything here to claim those are two questions that are typical so uh he said that you know i'm an american citizen i went to mexico and i bought about two hundred dollars of clothes. And he showed him the clothes. He had bags of clothes. He showed him that. And at that point, the officer noticed that his hands were visibly shaking.

So he said, this is great. Why are you nervous, son? Well, the officer looked closer at his hands and down where he had his hands by his bag there. And he said he noticed, quote, an abnormally large bulge in his pants. For Christ's sake. Which, I mean, that's a compliment, number one. He could have said, sir, are you packing some serious fucking steam or are you just happy to see me? Like, what's going on here?

So he then escorts Lamar to a secondary inspection area and tells him to take off his pants. Oh, boy. Where he found the two packages of pills in his crotch. At least it was better it wasn't up his ass like Ben. If it was up his ass he would have never got caught though. So that's one thing. It's pretty impressive that he had

a lot of meth up your ass. That's how proud of himself he is that he put all those pills in his dick. Yeah he was like I'll just put it in my dick. They'll never know. I clearly have a huge crank. Everyone knows I got a huge dick. I'm storied. Lamar Dewey Jr. got a huge crank. Everyone knows I got a huge dick. I'm storied. Lamar, Dewey Jr. got a huge cock. Everybody knows that. So they told him.

He said that he bought the pills in Tijuana from, once again, brings up the Javier taxi driver. I think that's just his go-to. A taxi driver named Javier. Yeah, that's right. That sounds Mexican, right? Yeah, sure. He said then the guy drove him to the border and he went to walk across uh in court they said he talked very slowly and softly and showed a little emotion because he's on a

shitload of valium probably it's hard to show emotion at that point uh he said he was a charge with importing to uh attempting to import the valium uh if convicted maximum penalty here is five years in jail and a 250 000 fine and if some of the pills are Quaaludes, which they're doing a chemical analysis, that would carry a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison. That's why Quaaludes went away. They made them like a special bad thing. So that's a schedule, whatever. They put it in with like, you know, harder shit. Heroin.

Yeah. And $250,000 fine. Now, the prosecuting attorney told the judge, quote, there appears to be the potential of substance abuse here. No shit. You think? No, it's just it's a lot of quaaludes just for he's having a party. He wants to make a nice punch that everyone's going to enjoy.

What the fuck, man? I don't know what to say about that exactly. There isn't much to say. It's just fucking what a silly potential for the he should have just said he's got a problem judge and the judge would have said uh abuse i think he's got a problem probably i think maybe he needs some help here uh jack mckeon the padre general manager takes this as a uh as an opportunity to rail against giving players money and treating them like human beings he says quote now you see why clubs just don't want to talk about multi-year guaranteed contracts this is a perfectly perfect example of why you need

drug testing if you give multi-year guaranteed contracts only the player is guaranteed not the team we thought he'd pitch here four years last year he was a wasted it was a wasted season and next year it could be the same thing well you guys threw him fucking way yeah you also destroyed his fucking arm that's the point uh now uh counselors advised him lamar to stay separated from sylvia but others said to get back with her and to try to work so he had multiple counselors giving him multiple different advice of what would be best for his recovery so he returns to her because that's what he knows uh after the season they split up again for a while because that's what he does. His shoulder still hurt and he wasn't sleeping.

And and he was he was smoking more weed, which is another fucking problem. Yeah, it's just another issue. So October 28th, Sylvia decided to go home to South Carolina, and Hoyt drove her to the airport, and she took off for South Carolina. Goodbye. And what do you think he did? Went back to Tijuana. Well, he went down there a few days before with Sylvia and ordered some leather jackets. He's a huge into leather jackets, apparently.

What the fuck? He has 60 leather jackets in his closet at this point. That's the 80s. Yeah, he says i'm i got all different ones now i got fringes coming off some of them this one's my ultimate warrior leather jacket i got my he is so nady this is my biker leather jacket this is my long uh knee-length leather jacket i wear this one this is my duster i wear this like for dressy occasions i wear that uh so i like to wear this one when when the when the when the when the clans and mclaurys want to

want to shoot out i like to put this one on that's fucking great when the clans well his mom's a hatfield so uh at this point he uh he on october 28th right after that he said let's all go pick up the otter fuck it so he's got a porsche he parks his porsche at the border uh he's got two joints in the car by the way way. Yeah. For sleep. Why does he always get two? For sleep. Just two. I get it. He walked across the border. The jackets weren't ready. He came walking out

of the store just like, I guess I'll go back. And he says, you know, Tijuana is a small place. It really is. If you've ever seen Tijuana, it's like Main Street Disneyland. It's just one street. It's not. It's a big place full of teaming with people everywhere that you wouldn't run into the same person three times ever. I wonder where Javier is. He said he comes out of the leather shop, literally just turns to his right and bumps into Javier. Oh, my God.

It's Javier again. I haven't seen you in so long. The last two times I've seen you, I really got in a real pickle. So let's hang out. Yeah. So he said he hasn't seen Javier since February, so might as well talk to him. Lamar asks Javier for his money because he gave an order. He gave money for an order.

So they go to a nearby restaurant. They talk. And Javier slipped Javier, he says. He slips Lamar a couple of Valium. Then Javier said he'd be back in 30 minutes. So Lamar sat in the restaurant and drank some piña coladas. He said, quote, I'd had a couple of pills and now the drinks. So I was pretty zapped when he got back, especially since I hadn't slept in three days.

So that's a tough one. That goddamn parrot head music on the microphone. Do you like piña coladas? Yes, I do. Just everywhere. I like piina colada. So he said eventually he came back with the 500 pills, and he said, if you want your money, take it.

Take it. There they are. That's my money. And Lamar says at first, he told him he didn't want the pills. Good God. He said, don't force those on me. What are you doing? Then he said, I hadn't slept for about three days.

Me and Sylvia were in constant arguments. That's why she was leaving. I didn't need the pills, but when they were offered, I said, well, damn, I haven't slept in three days. It sure would be nice to sleep for a couple of days. It was a bad judgmental error. I screwed up. There's a wrong use of that word.

I just want to sleep. Yeah. He said he walked to the border. He said he saw a trash can at the customs office. He said, the funny thing about it, I looked down at the trash can and said, God, I don't need these things. I should just chuck them. Then I said, no, they won't stop me because they've never done it before right jesus christ

they did uh he said he had brought brought a bought a leather polo shirt which is the worst piece of what that is the why does that even exist the name of this episode is going to be fucking uh flatulence and leather polo shirts because I don't know what the fuck to make of this. Leather polo shirt? I've never in a million years seen a leather polo shirt. So the judge, the officer saw that and said he must be on drugs if he bought a leather polo shirt. Let me throw it.

Then he saw the bulge in his crotch and that's how the whole thing went down. So, yeah. Now, November 13th, 86, he is in court and he pleads guilty to misdemeanor drug charges. He's scheduled for December 16th for court. He's going to spend at least 60 days in federal prison under the terms of a plea agreement he made with federal prosecutors. He pleaded guilty to possession of Valium, propox uh propoxyphene which is a painkiller uh he was arrested uh like we told you for smuggling pills now december 16th is sentencing and he is sentenced to 45 days in federal prison you sir may fuck off 45 days in federal prison

on a misdemeanor drug conviction uh over the objections of the prosecutor who wanted more prison time. He had contrition in court. He said, quote, I'd like to apologize for what I've done. I've let a lot of people down. For the first time, I'm beginning to understand my problem. For the first time. I'm starting to get it. It's been a bunch.

This is arrest number three. My problem is I shouldn't go to Mexico and stay away from Javier is my issue here. This is all Javier's fault. No one ever knows if Javier is my issue here. This is all Javier's fault. No one ever knows if Javier is a real person, by the way. Really? No, no one knows. So the judge said, quote, it has nothing to do with him being a star baseball player. This also includes five years of supervised probation, a $5,025 fine for each of the drugs.

The fines are total of $10,050. So it's $5,025 fine for each of the drugs. It's a total, the fines are total of $10,050. So it's $5,025 for both. This is five years probation, like we said, and he has to undergo drug testing during his probation. He's fined, like we said, the five grand on each. There was some confusion about the fines originally, for some reason, in the reporting. He also has to forfeit uh twenty six

thousand dollars and his 1986 porsche and his plea agreement also so that's a problem yeah so now he's got to get rid of his goddamn porsche and later on it's offered to him by the finance company that he can get it back at full price oh that's like i'm gonna fucking rebuy my own car to jerks yeah so that was a problem there you know so uh now the u.s attorney argued that he should be jailed for 120 days he was pissed off at the sentence he said quote i believe he has a serious drug problem it's clear to the mad uh so which is interesting he uh he said it's clear to us the magistrate is wrong the question is is the principle worth fighting for in light of the sentence imposed so he has a drug problem let's lock him up like i don't know he's got a he's got an issue i get it

but it's it's every time we have these players with drug issues we laugh at them because they're idiots who gets to keep getting stopped with drugs and you're like jesus of course you're gonna get arrested but then we're also like you're also doing drugs so maybe the prison isn't the best fucking who the hell knows so uh he uh said to his own lawyer here, Lamar's lawyer accused the government of a knee jerk reaction. They said they look at Mr. Hoyt as a major league baseball player and a figure. He must be a drug addict. Lock him up and put him in jail. That's kind of how they're looking at it.

So January of 87, he's ordered to report on the fifth to begin his sentence at a place to be determined. on the 5th to begin his sentence at a place to be determined. He asked for the Elgin Air Force Base in Pensacola where he would be near the spring training sites of several major league teams. Two days before he is to serve his 38 days in jail,

the Padres try to release him. They try to release him without paying him. They try to cut him based on a morals clause, a good character clause. But this is not how contracts work and how union the union works for baseball so he files a grievance and this shit is uh he wins it's going to be a fight here with this whole thing because they're they're trying to not pay him is what it is and it's like you can release him but you gotta fucking pay him

is what the union is saying conduct unbecoming hasn't become a thing yet i mean i mean i kind of feel bad for the Padres because they get this good pitcher who's supposed to be a Cy Young Award winner. And then he shows up in great shape. Shows up in great shape. He's a goddamn all-star. He's doing great.

And then this happens. It's unexpected. He's a nice guy. I mean, his wife is long-suffering. She's a fucking mo... Aunt Margaret. Aunt Mommy Margaret. God damn it.

She worked her ass off. She worked her ass off. Treated him like a member of the family. I mean, I feel bad for all these it. She worked her ass off. She worked her ass off, treated him like a member of the family. I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy, I really do, but not nearly as bad for. I can't find any Lamar Hoyts, but the one guy kept coming up

in searches of Lamar Hoyt because this poor guy's name is Steve Hoyt, and he works at Lamar Advertising Company, and every time you search for Lamar Hoyt he pops up in there somewhere so this poor bastard it looks like he's trying to hide with a different name he's in

Westland Michigan poor bastard I feel for you Steve Hoyt you have not been busted at the border with hundreds of pills tell you that right now so February 25th 1987 Lamar Hoyt here. He's suspended for a full season by baseball commissioner Peter Uberoff because of his repeated involvement with drugs.

It's the most severe penalty imposed since the whole 1983 Pittsburgh cocaine drug thing that we talked about with Willie Mays Akins and all that. So they're gonna fight that also uh but i mean that's interesting february 87 that's something interesting that's going on but way more interesting than that jimmy is the sales the sales jimmy the sales if you happen to be traveling through time and you end up in february of 1987 and you happen to be in the st louis area and you're reading the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, you might see these fine ads. Pat Riley, which is, I don't know if it's the coach.

Not the coach. He's got a Lucky 7 sale. Pat Riley is the name of the store. It's an electronics and appliances thing. He's got a Whirlpool under-counter dishwasher, Jimmy. Oh, shit. Normal wash cycle, energy-saving, air-dry option. It's top of the line.

Energy-saving and 86? Yeah, it just means it just sits there and then it gets spots all over it. $199.95. That's a deal. Not bad. But the other thing here, truck mirror, Jimmy. Just one? Just a $9.97 per truck mirror.

That's great. Which is pretty impressive. But most of all, this is the one that gets me, a microwave cart. Remember when people had their microwaves on carts in the 80s? Yeah. Because counter space wasn't built for microwaves because it was from back then, so no one had room. And you can't hold it to the bottom of the cabinet.

No, no, no. So they just put it on a cart next to the counter. Microwave cart, $7. Wow. That's the purchase of any microwave. And that's built by real wood. That's a $59.99 regular value for a microwave cart. Seven bucks. The sale. So if you're in St. Louis, make sure to stop by Pat Riley's and give that a shot. $43 off. Oh, it's good stuff. So the 87 season, June 17th, 1987, he's officially released by san diego but it's all through an arbitrator

and the arbitrator decides they have to pay him uh they decided that they just that the the arbitrator decided based on a 46 page report that the team just decided he was a coke addict and suspended him in there uh he said that uh the team president had a conversation with a doctor friend at a dinner party. It was called a social gathering in the thing and suggested and they said that Hoyt situation deserved more serious consideration. So this president of the team asked the physician friend at dinner who had a sleep disorder. He said what the use of what what a sleep disorder and the use of Valium might mean, to which his friend replied, cocaine. It's definitely cocaine, the doctor said. That doesn't help you sleep at all. Well, they're saying that's why he's awake.

He's using Valium and still not being able to sleep. It must be cocaine. He said that in the report, they said it's plain that Smith used this, quote, diagnosis as a basis for not changing his mind about releasing Hoyt. But there's not a sliver of evidence in the report that Hoyt used cocaine at any time during his major league career. So this report basically says, fucking these Padres people are assholes. They didn't do shit. They're old people.

They have no idea what they're talking about. They're trying to get away without paying somebody. Makes sense. It is. So Joan Kroc, who's the owner of the Padres, said, quote, we may be forced to pay him, but we will not be forced to play him. They're like so anti-drug, the Padres. Yeah, they released Alan Wiggins a couple of years before that, who I think ended up dying of AIDS from needles, I'm pretty sure, later on from IV drug use. Talk about abandoning somebody.

Yeah, I think he died in the early 90s, too. Yeah, they'll just abandon. Back then, they'd just trade you. Get rid of them yeah bye so uh uh yeah this is uh so also the year-long suspension is reduced to 60 days from the start of the season by the arbitrator too so that shit's up in june so april may it's over already by the time this is he's he's ready to uh to do it uh the report cited a psychiatrist's evaluation which described lamar's stress and anxiety and said he was a medication misuser rather than a substance abuser

the this report ripped the padres for being insensitive to his personal and medical problems which i tend to agree with here uh now padre players uh heard about the whole thing here uh and they they like him. So they said, one guy here, Tim Flannery, said, quote, it could be a real tragedy to give up on a player because he had a problem like that. That's the whole thing about drug testing and why the unions have fought against it. You see things handled like this, and people say, I'm never going to give them a chance to test me. Everybody wants to know why we're against drug testing, and we're against it because of things like this happening.

It could be a tragedy because Lamar is such a good guy uh tony gwynn yeah also tony gwynn said quote it's kind of scary that somebody can be labeled as a cocaine user that easily i think if he'd gone a different route in getting what he had to get i don't think there would have been a problem i don't think anybody would have thought anything about it in other words if he would have just went to a doctor to the team doctor and said can i get a shitload of fucking this and that they would have just given it to him painkillers and shit yeah in football back in the day the nfl used to walk down the aisles handing out painkillers who needs this who needs halcyons and shit it's like what the fuck who needs to sleep like halloween yeah that's what it was big guys would just be taking pills and drinking booze case

yeah what do you say yes oh god and everybody's on their high fucking horse about this, too. Like, in the 80s, people were so shitty about drugs like that. Like, they need to be dealt with harshly. And it's like, well, no, that's only going to make it worse, probably. So who knows? In the L.A. Times, there's an article that says baseball should say no to Lamar Hoyt. Wow. This is the whole article.

I'll read the whole thing to you because it's very short. It seems outrageous that Lamar Hoyt should be back on the Padre payroll after his drug experiences. Which sort of quote arbitration is that? I hope Joan Kroc will pursue this through the courts. We're trying to get the youngsters to say no to drugs and this

man who should be an example and a hero to them is let off with a slap on the wrist. He should be ashamed of himself and professional baseball has already been ashamed by this award. Signed, Nancy Reagan. Jesus. Yeah, that's a fucking fun guy. Real fun guy. So, July 1st,

87, he's signed by the White Sox. Oh, great. They're going to give him another chance. The GM said, quote, Hoyt's path to regain control of his life and career will not be easy, and the end result will be the sole responsibility of Lamar Hoyt. He will report to daytona and there's no intention of bringing him back this season so they want to get him down there and just kind of get him in a groove but he's got an arm injury and it's still bothering him and he figures out where he heard it first

he said uh the all-star game uh he pitched a game in st louis right before the all-star game and he said before the game, they were throwing around some crazy balls in the outfield, which is like a wiffle ball with holes all over it. And he said, we threw some and one felt weird. And I felt had a little twinge of my shoulder, which yeah,

wiffle ball, fuck you up. I said, but I didn't think much about it and started the all-star game. He said, both of those or either one can be career ending, but it wasn't until I finally got away from the Padres and signed back by the white socks at the white socks found out what was really wrong with me uh turned out i'd torn three tendons that tie your rotator cuff together and i later

found out that i also had two bicep tears uh he wasn't placed on the disabled list the padres never looked into it thoroughly uh the treatment hoyt said was ice stretching and rest along with the cortisone shot from time to time awful the way they treated people back then athletes so they were just like you're fine just keep it zone does nothing it numbs the pain so that you can for a minute it's fine and then you fuck things up worse and then yeah uh so a guy named jerry royster who's a teammate says uh if he believes anyone can overcome this problem it's hoyt he says quote i feel good that lamar is getting another shot i'm not one of those guys who feels once you have a drug problem you always have a drug problem

i'll use tim raines who overcame cocaine abuse as an example lamar knows he needs to turn his life around he's a gamer if i was to bet i'd bet that he would do it better in this situation than anyone else tim rain anyone else came cocaine apparently he's seemed to not be a cocaine user later in phoenix does he somebody might do it now dates him really i don't remember who he didn't get busted for it anymore for the last 15 years of his career so they're like hey good for you not bad uh so uh royster says he has trouble believing what even happened to, uh, Lamar. He says, quote, it's just so sad. If someone broke out of jail and got caught trying to smuggle drugs across the border, you wouldn't think anything of it.

But this is Lamar Hoyt. He's not the kind of guy you see being arrested at the border. He's not really a criminal. Uh, so he made $1 million that year still that the Padres it's, they're still on the hook for this money because they basically said, yeah, you can cut him, but you still got to pay him. So anybody that signs him, they're signing him under that deal and the Padres, they're still on the hook for this money. Yeah. Because they basically said, yeah, you can cut him, but you still got to pay him. So anybody that signs him, they're signing him under that deal, and the Padres are paying it. Well, it sucks not to pay shit. It's like a free guy.

What do they care? If it works out, great. If not, fuck the Padres. What a deal. Who cares? So on December 5th, 1987, acting on a tip, which is always bullshit. That always means bullshit. Acting on a tip, the Richland County Sheriff's department raids lamar's apartment oh no uh lamar is uh he ends up being arrested and

we'll find out why uh he uh they said when they came through the door he said oh no not again and uh they entered his home that's some bad words that's bad shit he was like oh shit uh they served him a search warrant they found about two grams of cocaine. Now there's cocaine. So he didn't have cocaine all before when all they did was say he did a bunch of cocaine, but now he has cocaine, which is fucked up because everybody's just saying how much he didn't do cocaine. And several plastic bags

containing marijuana, which he probably bought a bunch of dimes or something. They also seized drug paraphernalia, including, quote, instruments used to cut cocaine. And they charged him with possession with intent to distribute cocaine he had two grams of cocaine and we'll find

out he didn't even have two grams we'll find out just because he had shit to cut it so if he got a bunch he could cut it up that's what people fucking do you gotta use it anybody who pre dispensaries and pre legal weed anybody who bought weed all the time had a fucking hand scale that didn't mean they were selling it it meant they were seeing that they

were getting ripped off that's what people do you wait you see how much you have left so you don't just jam a rock up your ass and wait till it dissolves yeah you have to cut it up that's the other thing so i guess they thought maybe it was a bigger operation uh so that that charge carries a 10-year minimum sentence of intent to distribute fucking cocaine, especially because of his previous drug arrests. He also faces the revocation of his five-year parole on drug charges. So he's fucked. He's taken to the Richland County Detention Center. He's released on a $20,000 bond.

The Sergeant Leon Lotz said investigators received information last summer after Hoyt went to South Carolina that he was, quote, involved in drugs, which he's super involved with a couple of bags of weed and two grams of coke. He also has to face the charges of violating probation because he's on probation, parole, and this now for testing positive for cocaine use because they tested his blood because he's got the San Diego probation and he flunks that too. So he's he's fucked. Basically, this is the first time he's been caught using any kind of cocaine. It's all been sedatives. He's totally fucked now. He's out on twenty thousand dollars bond. But for the love of Christ, man, it's fucking ridiculous.

It's stressful. It's I would say it's stressful. His career is basically over his arms and shreds. His wife left. He's fucking... Now, everybody was on his side, and he had a lot of this goodwill. People wanted to help him. He probably could have got a job coaching in a couple years or something.

And now, forget it. Now they're like, we knew it. We told you he was a fucking scumbag, cocaine addict, and all. I'm sure silver-haired, middle-aged white men saying how right they are. So much so, he goes back to his apartment. Dejected, obviously. He's got no coke or anything to do back there and weed to smoke they took it all they took it all and uh at that point he's just he's hungry man he's just very very hungry because it's been a while he hasn't slept he hasn't eaten so he orders some food and he finds out he gets this new thing he's like wow this is this place delivers now awesome this was a really good place

he gets it delivered they knock on the door and it's the shawarma man and he says how is it you've come to arrive here why are you here i don't understand by the way i use the food as cover you have the shit that i need no no shawarma man no i have probably i no longer have problem i have i come over because I heard this. But no, no, I mean, I make for you. You want lamb, shawarma? Sign, say close. I have to go.

Oh, I want it back. You have a little bit. Just under your mustache, I say. Just a little bit. Just a sniff for the. Let me lick that. Just some on my gum. Sign, say close.

Sign, say close. I got to go. Bye, bye, bye. Oh, and he leaves. And it's poof in a poof of lamb and tzatziki sauce. He's very confused, Lamar. He doesn't understand. He ate the food.

He said it was delicious. Amazing. Delicious. But he had no coke at all. To dip with. Convenient for the shawarma man. He's like, I could go there and bring food and maybe I bring something back for shawarma man for me. So after the

arrest uh like we said they said he tested positive for cocaine he is ordered to serve uh a year in federal prison you sir may fuck off that's a that's shit a year uh for violating probation he pleads guilty to new charges uh and an additional two and a half years of jail time was suspended to seven months to be served concurrently with his previous sentence. So he's got all sorts of shit here. The sheriff said, quote, We're not going after him as somebody who was just using drugs. A lot of people might think we're focused on him because he's a baseball player. We went after him because we were investigating the distribution of drugs. Oh, boy.

Horse shit. Nineteen shit 1987 bullshit scare tactic and nowadays they'd be like fuck you dude he had two fucking eat dicks man what are you fucking kidding me what a waste of time what are you yeah they'd be like you went all of you and how much did that cost the city people be saying now would you you all put the uniform you all did that for two grams he had he was sitting in his fucking recliner he could have knocked on the door with one guy jesus christ so broke all his windows out for two grams ago that's what i'm saying man so uh so anyway that's what he could face two and a half years and he could get a year uh so uh he pleads guilty to possession of cocaine and possession of marijuana from the house there uh by the way, in the end, the cocaine actually weighed 0.65 grams. Oh, those bastards.

A half gram of cocaine, they were saying, intent to distribute. Oh, those dicks. This is nothing. That's a little tiny bit. He was going to sell that to who? Right. To who? How many people?

He's going to break it up into, here's a fucking, enough for your pinky nail for you. Here's a key bump for you. And here's a little drop for you. And this is going to be a drug empire. Once I sell this half a gram, then I'm going to have enough to re-up for another gram, and then I'll get two grams after that, and eventually I'll be up to an eight ball.

I'm going to get my Porsche back in no time. No time. Jesus Christ. In the end, the judge said it's not enough to warrant a distribution charge, which obviously carries a much heavier penalty than possession. So finally, he's sentenced, and you, sir, may fuck off two and a half years in prison.

Then he suspended the term to seven months and ordered it, whatever. So he ended up doing what he could have done, and they do it for him. He's in prison, and he has an interview in prison. They say he said that prison hasn't done anything for him as far as like enlightened him or made him come to any kind of thing. He said, quote, prison is a dead time. It's a waste, which is especially for him. He's working a 16 cent an hour job as a clerk.

He says he plays softball. I assume he's one of the star players. I would hope watches TV and reads. He said he's he's in a relationship with a woman he met a year ago after his divorce. He said it's, quote, the best thing that's ever happened to me. He said he hopes to get out of jail and run a small business in Columbia and be low key. Run a small business, just selling cocaine. Just out of my house, you know.

Not South Carolina. Just in Columbia. Oh, no, I meant South America. You didn't know that, right? So he says, talks about baseball. It kind of brings him misery a little bit. He said, quote, I would like to coach someday, but not manage, is what he says when he's in prison. Now, he requested to go to Elgin, which is the one that's known as Club Fed.

That's a famous prison known as the Club Fed. No, no, it's in Florida. Oh, okay. It's Club Fed. Oh, that's why. He said there are no barbed wire fences. It's an Air Force base. It's beautiful.

There's a cement road around the base. There's two parallel white lines painted on the road, and you can't cross the line. You're considered an escapee if you walk across the line. They have tennis courts there, the four tennis courts, a pool hall, a game room, basketball courts, baseball field, weight room, big screen, cable television, and a newspaper stand by the laundromat. So it doesn't sound terrible. I know people who live way worse than that in the free world.

Way worse than that. I don't have those amenities in my apartment. No, that sounds great. That doesn't sound like a bad spot. I wonder if there's any units open there. What's the rent there, you think? What's the security deposit? First and last, or is it just deposit?

Think you could rent one if it's not full? Maybe, man. He raked dirt from 7 to 3 every day. That was his one job. And then he had an hour and 45 minutes for lunch. Other days, he was in charge of washing little towels at the base of the laundromat. At 3 p.m., it was free to go and do whatever he wants uh he would you know he said neither job was very strenuous he said you just had to look like you were busy just stand there move the

fucking rake back and forth and you're fine past the white line by the way 1988 season he gets paid wow he gets paid uh he's first of, in June, he's given early release. They announced he's going to be given early release from prison and will serve the remainder of his prison. He ended up going to Allentown, by the way. He didn't end up in Pennsylvania. Yeah, I remember Billy Joel. He said, but he didn't end up getting Elgin.

He said that he will serve the remainder of his sentence in a halfway house in Columbia, South Carolina. So they're letting him go home by the way while he's in prison and then in a halfway house he's getting paid 1.1 million dollars for that season 1.1 million fucking dollars sitting around he's in prison going yeah i make 16 cents a day right yeah that's right oh actually my check just came oh boy it's real big yes i'm buying a lot of ramen. Guess who's got commissary out the ass, bitches. Honey buns for days.

Whole block on me. A million dollars of it. Wow. 1989 season comes around. He doesn't play. He's not under contract. He's not with any team. He's sitting at home in South Carolina, presumably with his thumb up his ass, making $1.1 million.

Amazing. So good for him. He's got a little Bobby Bonilla deal going on. 1991, he is arrested for drunk driving. For fuck's sake. He's arrested for drunk driving. It's not part of the other shit, so it's not a big deal. He does some little thing, and he's done with that.

And that is it for Lamar Hoyt. You haven't heard from him since? He's quiet. He's quiet he's quiet he stopped apparently i saw an interview with him from recently where he's super thin now uh he's not a big you wouldn't recognize him but he doesn't look like the same guy looks like he's in shape i mean he's older but he's born in 1955 so he's over 60 years old anyway yeah so he's my dad's age basically a little older than my dad he uh you know he looks older and shit like that and he's you know he's lived a tough life he did drugs

and fucking all that stuff he's a baseball player for a year into prison he's a ball player standing out in the sun all the time and shit like that but uh he made it through it i mean it's he hasn't gotten arrested for drugs anymore he says he's been clean for 20 years or you know 25 years been doing a good job he He's been keeping quiet. He hasn't been going out and doing all sorts of stuff. And you just don't hear about Lamar Hoyt, man. He's just under the radar, lives his life, doesn't bother anybody. He really got the shit under the stick, but he did bring it on himself, too. And he brought it on himself.

It's a lot of both sides. It really is. If what he did happen now, it would have been considered way different because he wasn't ever lashing out at others. He was never in a nightclub stabbing a guy in the face or like, you know, shit like that. Like he was just fucking medicating, just medicating his own bullshit, which is whatever. Can't get enough of Lamar Hoyt.

Amazon dot com. You can get a signed Lamar Hoyt photo eight by ten for twenty one ninety nine plus four ninety nine shipping. Not a bad deal on that. It's a pretty cool one of him with the white socks. He's looking chubby. It's a good one. That's in stock at the moment.

Also, 1986 tops, San Diego Padres. He's on baseball card there. That's a couple bucks, nothing major. And finally, a signed Lamar Hoyt official ball. It's signed and it says Cy Young 83 on it that he signed. It's certified official ball, or it's, you know, he's signed and it says Cy Young 83 on it that he signed. It's certified, you know, legit everything. $92.99 and free shipping.

It's a pretty good deal. Not terrible. I have to say that's on Amazon, sold by Sports Memorabilia. And if you really can't get enough of Lamar and you want to reach him, I have addresses for him where you can send to get autographs. Terrific is cool because rod used to do this too the old players will register their things and they have like a po box right and he'd come home you know a couple times a week with a big giant stack of letters yeah with people asking sending cards when you sign my card can you do this and rod was cool about it because rod would be like he would see if it was a kid's

handwriting he could tell and he'd be like this is just a motherfucker writing with his left hand trying to act like a kid but he could be like if it's a kid he'd be like this shit's a kid so he'd take the cards and he would like uh you know if he kid had doubles he'd like take one of them and replace them with one of his cards of himself and he'd be like hey man you had two of those so i gave you this one because i didn't have the one you had so now we traded great sign them all for him and the kids would get they'd write him letter thank you so much it's so cool he was cool like that you know he would he'd like look for shit to send them like i have this uh flyer from our you know thing i can send them from a poster from back then and like he's so nice

but you can do this here primary address here and it's the same as his as his mailing address it is uh uh 500 harbison boulevard hrb ison boulevard apartment 1002 i don't know if it's a po thing or what uh apartment 1002 uh south columbia south carolina 29212 so you can on that's in the u.s of course send him a letter you can send him a letter you can say how what a fucking crazy career you've had ask him for an autograph uh whatever the hell it is but yeah he's one of these he's like uh a maloon or on the floor uh you know uh we've had a few of the guys uh willie mays akins yeah it's mainly the guys who don't hurt anybody else and just do drugs you don't you're just like come on man and if it's not like anything likeins, like going with fucking meth up his ass and doing ridiculous shit, acting a fool in the streets and being arrested in the streets

and pulled out of cars and shit. He's not doing that. He's just he's a sad case of a dude with a drug problem and probably a lot of shoulder pain and shit. So, yeah, I feel bad for him. And we've this is probably like the eighth one we felt bad for. And there's no pattern I've noticed. No, it's not.

Some are men. Some are women. Doesn't matter what sport it is. No matter what color they are are doesn't matter how tall they are doesn't matter anything it's just like uh sometimes people strike us as sympathetic characters and he's kind of one of them when we don't feel sorry for is kelly lane who now in the news yeah she's a fucking asshole that she fuck that she gave birth and that baby's alive yeah she's out of her fucking mind we'd have a sweet tan or fucking buck zoom hoff or any of those guys really any of the wrestlers besides jake the snake we felt bad for jake the snake too and tammy sitch also we felt bad even though she apparently hates our guts

that's fine which i found out by the way that's a fake fucking profile her new one though that her real one on twitter where she just got out of prison she's already pimping her fucking her what is that website she does snapchat oh jesus christ skype she's already pimping that shit skype sessions oh my god prison here's the girls sending pictures of her titty jesus christ well it's a mess that's tammy and that was lamar hoyt that is dewey lamar hoyt jr of course very juniorish behavior i I would say. I hope you enjoyed that crazy-ass story. That was one I've seen forever, and I was like,

that doesn't seem like there's much to it. And then I read, and I'm like, Jesus, this is a fucking crazy story. He's kidnapped by both parents. It gets way crazier. I was like, I don't think there's enough for a whole episode here. And I'm like, there's plenty. This is a fucking chunky one. So, yeah, if you like that, please get on iTunes. Give us five stars five stars like we said just tell us you're following instructions you're following directions it's

really not for our ego it's just for business go out and uh go to shut up and give me murder.com pick up your merch there all your t-shirts and your cups and your floor mats and all that sort of thing while you're there please pick up some tickets for the shut up and give me murder live small town murder tour yeah especially phoenix especially phoenix that show like we said has changed to november 3rd saturday night at the wonderful world famous and fabulous stand up live 7pm

7pm because we need the extra time honestly because it takes a while to meet everybody early time slots are nice early time slots i feel bad for whoever's coming after us because they're gonna have to wade through all of you fuckers and i love it because we're gonna be representing and they're gonna be like oh jesus sorry steve rennes easy is that who it is okay well we're gonna sell more tickets than steve rennes easy fingers crossed let's do it let's do that well let's at least make him feel

bad when he comes in because no one's gonna be that excited to talk to him i'll tell you that much our people are much cooler yeah so uh yeah so that said fuck steve rennes easy no no fuck he's fine i guess i don't know i don't even know him i've never met him so he's fine you flirt with me he's fine he's all right so whatever he's fine it's just uh fun to say but i just want to beat him in sales that's what i want to do and uh do that on uh do that follow us on social media you can find the links there on shut up and give Me Murder at Crime and Sports on Twitter and Facebook and at Small Town Murder on Instagram. You mean? Yeah.

And at Crime and Sports on the other two. Right. So there you go. Look at it. Find us there. Yeah. It's all on the website. You'll fucking find it.

ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com. Yeah. And while you're there, you might become one of our special, wonderful, amazing, all-star, crazy, wonderfully fantastic producers. Our Cy Young winners. You might become one of our producers and make a donation, which can be done over at Patreon.com, using our email address, CrimeAndSports at gmail.com, or over at PayPal, just using our email address, CrimeAndSports. Yeah, Patreon is Patreon.com slash CrimeAndSports. I mix that all up.

Who cares? I haven't slept in days. I'm really working on it. And use our email address, crimeandsports at gmail.com. That's the one to do there. And Jimmy, I'd like you to tell us some fine people who have done that, who have smuggled plenty of pills across the border without being busted. Hit me with that list right now.

This week's executive producers are katarina gueth i think oh nice katarina gueth hey thank you telena johnson no jensen telena jensen kelly mack thank you so much kelly yeah annette right crystal genaro uh yeah she's the uh traffic controller uh chrissy ann costaldi uh alisa comic uh kamak kamik um whatever mel Melinda Cruz or Melinda Sipes depending on how she decides to sign Michael Kennedy my favorite Michael Kennedy now yeah definitely I've already forgotten about the other

one I know Jaina Dickens and Laura Nima or Nimi Nima well either way thank you Laura Jennifer Provan Michelle Michelle Carroll, Samantha Ritchie, Caitlin McLeon, Macleon, Brianna Pink Pampinina. Pampina. Pink is her middle name.

Reagan Schalke, Gretchen Jones, Cordelia Winters, Jessica Manor, Christy Tosella, Sean Sullivan, Ryan Russell, Cedric Wardell, Mary Price, Sarah Toasty, Teresa Morgan, Zach Warburton, Kat Ayala. Oh, yeah. I forget where she's at. God damn it. Oh, yeah. It's somewhere fucking cold. That's what I know. Damn it.

Thank you, though. Thank you, Kat. Jen Bass, Eric Langennecker, Courtney Cox, happy birthday, Jenny Haney. know damn it thank you though thank you cat uh jen bass uh eric langenecker uh courtney cox happy birthday jenny haney i don't know that was the name of the person which was i don't know who sent it jenny well happy birthday damn you uh ashley vo rusty burrows tammy talia farah talia farrow no it's amy talia farrow yes kapow designs that's cat's Kapower. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Brian Toole. Aaron Anderson. Aaron Nesseth. Christy Bross... Fuck, I knew I was going to do this.

Kirstie Brosvik Flatjord. Flatjord? Fjord? It's Flatjord. Oh, Flatjord. Right. It's Kirstie Brosvik Flatjord. Or Flatjord.

That's a hell of a name you got. Flatjord. Quite the handle you got there, Christy. Jesse Dotson. Thank you. Sarah Webb. Kate Ives. Lynn Ann Price. Jesse Hartman. Christopher Battaglia. quite the handle you got there christy jesse dotson sarah webb kate ives uh lynn and price uh jesse hartman christopher bataglia willow tufts uh caitlin macleon oh the other one was

macleon what am i doing there was two mac what's happening this is bananas uh samantha schneider no yeah scheidler samantha scheidler isaac clark helen el Philip Zetsu, Phil Chavez, Megan Ratcliffe, Lindsay Rustan, Under the Sea Fabrics, Jerome Serwinski, Matt Dietrich, Sarah Hart hart angela miller who is justin's wife justin miller also christopher brooks megan wood dan coleman stefan gravix grand vix yes cervix cervix no i barely know where it goes i think i think that's what you want to say thank you is this is yes yeah yeah yeah there you go tara jenkins we're not old enough to remember those samantha ritchie lewis tedrick or tidrick lewis tidrick gary howard hansen don marie uh alexander hunter alexandra god damn it it's a lady pardon sorry alexander hunter peyton meadows cody mccall donna sittler, Travis Reed, Ariana Folsom, Meredith Burrell, Kathleen Pullen.

Happy birthday to Abby Scheidler and Bam Stroker. Yeah, Bam Stroker. You got it? You see that? See what he did there? This motherfucker. And somebody donated in memory of Second Lieutenant Joe Cunningham. I hope you listened.

Thank you, Joe. Why am I thanking him? I don't know. I figured he's a lieutenant. He must have done something. That's what he is. I guess, yeah. We do this because of people like that guy.

Alyssa Catuogno. Alyssa Catuogno. Yes. No. Joshua Chandler. Chantel with no last name or chantel yeah mark mccann the non savvy gamer uh james fraker justin miller i said that one uh stephanie aigoa carol feely uh christian crystal lamb uh stephen root whose fucking uh avatar looks like uh looks like uh uh fucking mcg what's that dude's name the fighter connor mcgregor yeah there you go bang and then heather foster thank you guys so much for doing

what you do for us uh we can't do it without you thank you so much everybody thank you honestly we cannot thank you enough for everything you do for us and the donations are are goddamn huge and they make all the world of difference in our lives and in the lives of the show and they make crime and sports like worth uh worth doing worth doing so thank you so much honestly we we can't do anything without you and uh jimmy what if these people wanted to tell you how much they can't do anything without you how could they do that you can find me at wisman sucks whisman sucks on twitter instagram and snapchat and i appreciate anything you guys, whatever it is that you want to say. I do my best to respond appropriately.

What about you, James? You can find me at Jimmy P is funny or just copy and paste my last name from the show description because it's easier than trying to spell it on your own because you will not. You need practice and you need to work hard at it, and you won't do that. That said, though, it's been a wild episode. Thank you so much for you guys for hanging out.

Everybody, we'll see you in Portland and Seattle at the Small Town Murder Shows this week. We cannot wait to do that. It'll be a blast. We'll see you in the Pacific Northwest, and live from the Crime & Sports Studios,

we will see you next week. Bye! And live from the Crime and Sports studios, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.