Crime in Sports - #169 - Trouble Keeps Bubbling Up - The Photogenicness of Todd Carney

Episode Date: July 16, 2019

This week, we look at a man who keeps dousing his own dreams... and not with water. He played for big time teams since he was a child, but never quite learned how to stay out of trouble. Alcohol is the main source of his issues, and he sure knows how to put on a show! Whether it's running from the police, getting banned from being in an entire city, or having some very unfortunate pictures make the social media rounds, this man never disappoints!! Refuse to quit drinking to excess, deny anything not caught in picture form, and be the grossest guy at the urinal with Todd Carney!! Get your tickets to Crime In Sports LIVE in Phoenix, on October 19... https://phxevents.cblive.com/shows/106416 Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!! Contact us on... twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. The Queen of the Courtroom is back. How did I know that? i have crystal ball in my head new cases leave her a long so uh this is not a so this is a period classic judy it's streaming you can say anything it's an all-new season judy justice only on freebie Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports! Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy, yay indeed.

My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. Mm-hmm, I'm Jimmy Wissman. Yes, you are. Are you sure about that? I'm pretty sure. You didn't seem too positive about that. Ridiculous. You're expecting, like, someone to come into the room and introduce you. And sitting in a chair. Where is my fucking music? Who do you think you. Sitting in a chair.

Where is my fucking music? Who do you think you are? Introduce yourself, fucker. Sorry, I didn't hear my snare. Who do I look like? Jesus Christ, man. Thank you so much for joining us. Good God, do we have a wild show this week. We're going to Australia.

Oh. And if you've listened to Crime and Sports before, as you know, whenever we venture to Australia, it's always an adventure. As we know from Ben Cousins and a couple others, it's always somebody crazy. So this is no exception. This is one of the wilder stories we've had in terms of just a human being who's completely off the fucking rails and gone off into somewhere else. But never mind that. First, a little bit of house cleaning.

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which is crimeinsports at gmail.com. And you can do that. And that would be greatly appreciated. We appreciate you. And we'll love you forever. Yeah. That's that. I don't know what else to say about it.

But thank you so much for everybody who does that. And that does it for housecleaning. Good. Live show. Do that. We don't know what else to say about it. But thank you so much for everybody who does that. And that does it for housecleaning. Good. Live show. Do that. Check that off the list.

Slapped it all under the rug. Now let's do this. Let's move on to a crazy person. Great. This is just... I read one thing about this guy and said, well, we're doing this story. I don't care what else is around it. And then luckily there's a lot of crazy around it that really meshed well with this one piece of behavior but uh this guy is a trip and i'm sure if you're from australia you know who this guy is but if you're from america you have no idea who this guy is and

you're going to be so happy that you do from now on it's todd carney okay ever hear of todd carney no but i also didn't know who ben cousins was and i don't ever want to forget that man that's true that's what i'm saying he didn't know him and thisousins was and I don't ever want to forget that man that's true that's what I'm saying and this is kind of the Ben Cousins of rugby I would say in a way here he's a lunatic this guy and we've talked about rugby a couple times we don't understand

it at all and so we would one thing we always do if we're going to another country and talking about a different sport that we know nothing about we do ask that you find our ignorance charming because we don't know and we're not we're not acting like we do know we're not going to tell you oh he did this we have no fucking idea what that is never pretend so we'll let you know what we do know and don't know so uh yeah todd carney born june 2nd 1986 so he's a young guy to be screwing up quite as much as he has yeah and it's just constant

with this guy he's from ghoulburn goldburn okay i don't know how they would pronounce that in australia g-o-u-l burn ghoul probably ghoul that's what it looks like but they're who the hell knows if it's a gal gal that's what i mean i have no idea but i'm calling it ghoulburn because in the u.s it looks like ghoulburn so uh it's in Goulburn, New South Wales, which is a smaller town, too. It's like a 20,000-person town, kind of a little town in Southeast Australia, which is where New South Wales is, if you don't know anything about the Australian states. There's six states in Australia, New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, Western Australia, South Australia, and tasmania

yeah so you have those and all that central shit that nobody cares and then there's just the you know the middle is vast vast at least they're smart enough not to live there right we live in our central shit area that no one wants we live in phoenix which is exactly what they don't live in oh that's desert that's no no one wants to live out there that's terrible area bogans do oh jesus It's hot. You know, the beach is that way, and then they just congregate there. And there's water over there. We're like, hmm, Tucson's an option.

What the fuck is wrong with people in this country? Albuquerque's looking good this time of year. No, it's never looking good. It's awful. People live in Blythe, Jimmy. They live there. A few. Their mailing address says Blythe, Arizona.

Think about that. And they all work at the Howard Johnson or a Burger King or somewhere shitty. And they just have a terrible existence. People live in Gila Bend, Jimmy. They live there all the time. They don't just drive through and go, God, this place sucks, and then keep going to San Diego. They don't do that. They live there. All of the jokes about Apache Junction

used to be about Gila Bend. What's the difference between a girl in Gila Bend and a pair of jeans? The jeans have one fly. So it's an exchange for whatever shit town you're in. It's whatever traveling... You're still in the geographical shit area. Traveling hacky road comedian has to say about it.

Hey, what's the difference? What's the shit town here? What is it we you have no idea how many times as openers we've been asked by headliners or features what's the shitty place here that everybody thinks sucks what's that and you know apache junction they go all right then they go up and destroy they destroy with their standard joke that they've plugged in with that the only good one destroy with jokes about west hollywood the only the only good one of those i've ever heard was kathleen madigan has a very good one where we saw her live and she comes out and says she was in tucson which everybody knows is terrible whether you're

from phoenix or anywhere else the armpit of the united states it belongs in florida i don't even know why it's here really i mean arizona's's bad, but it belongs in Florida. But she comes out and she said, I was in Tucson. Anybody in Tucson, I just want to know, basically, whose dogs are these? That's a great one. That's pretty good. That works anywhere. Shit town, dogs running loose. That works anywhere, and it's a fucking funny one.

It's not cheesy. I said, good job, Kathleen. Good job. So, yeah, it's Australia. That one. It's not cheesy. I said, good job, Kathleen. Good job. So, yeah, it's Australia. That's where he's from. And we're not even going to talk about childhood or any of that shit. It doesn't matter.

We'll talk about... In rugby, he's a 5'8". Okay. Me too. Yeah. I was going to say, that is not... That's what my license says. No one over 5, if you're 6 foot,

they're like, we're sorry, mate. It's just not going to work just not gonna work out this week not gonna work uh we're sorry you're cut you're cut back to a different position it's a shame when kids come up being this position they're like i hope i don't grow a little more does that mean there's probably eight people on the field and he's the fifth one whatever the fuck that means well you want the explanation of what it is all right let's see if you can understand i don't know why i just let everyone in the non-rugby world is going to be as as what the fuck is us and then everyone in the rugby world is going to laugh at us for not knowing what the hell this means so everyone enjoy this uh five eighth or standoff yep is one of the positions in a rugby league football team wearing jersey number six they have

to wear a special jersey yeah is that like why do you wear number six you should wear number five is that like you can only wear like you know one through 19 in the nfl if you're quarterback or if you're uh whatever eighth you are you have to wear the number one above whatever you are so he's wearing number six at least he's not a fraction yeah they didn't give him like a that's good five over eight okay wearing jersey number six this player is one of the two halfbacks in a team partnering the scrum half oh boy oh we're back into the scrum again oh jesus christ i thought i was done with this i shouldn't have asked this is my fault i'm in the taint oh jesus i thought i was done man this is all my fault i I'm back here. Yeah.

Sometimes known as the pivot or second receiver. What the fuck is it? Which one is it? It's in a traditional attacking back line. The number one through seven. So there's not even eight. No. There's seven.

What the fuck? So why are you five eights? Is that the attack? I don't get it. Is there a goalie type guy, too? Is it like a hockey where they don't really count the goalie as a guy? Why is the sport so confusing? Play the five. Okay.

Whoa. Okay. In a traditional attacking back line, play the five eights would receive the ball from the scrum half, who is the receiver of the ball from the dummy half or hooker following a tackle. All right. Now you're talking. Come on.

Does that make sense to anyone? I know it does to rugby people, but this is worse than cricket. I don't get it. This is more complicated than cricket. Yeah, it's too much. You've already got a goofy fucking ball and goofy rules for how to play it, and then you've got this instruction of... And you're begging for head injuries yeah the other

thing this is okay this is worse than rug than than cricket it really is i kind of figured out australian rules football a little bit but rugby i don't know rugby looks like a playground game yeah that you play it looks fun it looks fun as shit but it doesn't look like something that people would bet on you know know what? It looks fun. I bet that group of white guys is going to pile up better than that group of white guys. It looks fun, except for nobody on that scrum. What is it? It's a field pitch.

There's a scrum and a field and a pitch. Anybody on that area where they're playing, none of them are smiling ever. No, no. In our sports, they smile a lot. Well, you know, wide receiver smiles if he gets a touchdown, that sort of thing. Baseball players smile a lot. Oh, well, yeah, because that's not a physical sport. They know at the end of the day they're probably not going to have a life-altering concussion,

and they're going to go to a strip club, so they're fine. Basketball players always smile. Oh, their life is good. This shit. This is great. These people are furious. I can wear shorts at work. I'm wearing shorts and sneakers at work.

You know how comfortable this is? This is fucking great. These guys, though, they're never happy. No one's trying to take my head off. Are they being forced? Is that what it is? The rugby league, they're being forced to play? I believe so.

Forced to play for their freedom? Well, not even for your freedom. I feel like as a child, if you've shown any athletic gifts at all, they just put you in it, and then you have no choice. It's a national thing. It's like being drafted into the army. They like listen mate we need you it's your time for the national rugby spirit of this so you have to do it so one more time sometimes known as the pivot or second receiver in a traditional attacking back line play the five eighth numbers one through seven play the five eights would receive the ball from the scrum half who was the first receiver of

the ball from the dummy half or hooker following a tackle yeah yeah the role of of the 5-8 is often to pass the ball away from the congested area around the tackle that makes sense they kick it out with a point guard sure like a like a power forward that gets a rebound and kicks it back out to a guard or the quarterback trying to find the wide receiver yeah but it's a congested area his job is okay get it out and clear it again or whatever i get it out of the mix so uh okay uh further out along the back line to the outside backs the centers and wings and wingers who have more space to run with it yeah you're going that makes sense you're starting off a play it's like a fast break got it uh furthermore positions and players in this position typically assume responsibility for

kicking the ball for field position in general play. This is like a kicker. I don't know. The five eights is therefore considered one of the most important positions often referred to as a playmaker, assuming a decision making role on the field. So they have some sort of captainship here. So they are a little quarterback. Over time, however, the game has evolved. here so they are a little quarterbacky over time however the game has evolved the roles of the two halves have grown more aligned and difficult to distinguish along with other key positions full

back hooker and scrum half i don't want to be a scrum half not half a one it sounds like an insult yeah scrum half can i even be a whole scrum can't even be a whole scrum huh all right fine the five eights makes up what's known as the team's spine. Okay? I don't know there. It's very interesting, but it's not. It's fucking weird. It's confusing as shit. Now, one book published in 1996 stated that in senior rugby league, the 5-8 and the hooker handled the ball more than any other position. Okay.

So you're running with it a lot. You have it a lot the rugby league international federation's law of the game laws of the game state that the standoff or standoff half or five eighth is the way they have it in there is to be numbered six however traditionally players jersey numbers have varied and in the modern super league each squad's players are assigned individual numbers regardless of position super leagues another league got it don't worry about that later uh but so it says in the rules his number has to be six and then they go however sometimes it's not six sometimes they like to switch the shit up sometimes it's just a picture of a nutsack on your back and that's i don't know whatever it is. Whatever you want. Yeah, it's a half scrum. I don't get it. So apparently Wally Lewis was voted Australia's greatest ever 5-8th in 2008. Oh.

I don't know why. In 2008 he got it. Yeah, I don't know if that was a cumulative. It seems like maybe he was from the 50s. Maybe. It's like in 2008 they're like, Babe Ruth was the best baseball player. I'm like, all right, great. They waited some time at least.

The best hitter. I don't know. Whatever whatever so i don't know that it's it's it's fucking weird so i'm clueless yeah uh so uh i guess but this guy here todd carney let's call him bed cousins yeah todd carney i guess primarily played in the halves as they call it a five eights or halfback but he can also play as a fullback which i think he played later on in his career more. I don't know if it's like you play cornerback in football, and then when you slow down a little, you move to free safety. That's smart. Like a Rod Woodson situation. I don't know if that's what it is.

Maybe with him, you're not quick enough for five. Short stops, move to third. You know what I'm saying? One of those deals. So Carney played junior rugby league for the ghoul burn stockman okay which just sounds like a union for guys who take shit off a truck or livestock yeah i'm one of the ghouls a ghoul burn stockman no fuck with us you better not cross that picket line we'll kick your goddamn ass we're the stockman yeah we're the they're gonna come at

you with those kangol hats yeah yeah and like, yeah. And like swinging. The snaps to the fucking bill. Swinging pipes and shit, I feel like. Those are their weapons of choice. The Gulbern Stockmen are known for their pipe swinging ways. Knuckle dusting. Yeah. It's a pipe or a wrench. They just have a big wrench as a weapon.

You know what I mean? They've welded bolts together. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jam their fingers through. Shit like that. They don't even, no store-bought weapons. It's all just tools. Shit that's around the garage, and they just weld it together.

I was going to say, they welded it, because they're the stockmen. They're not pussies. They know how to weld. Fucking get that oxyacetylene torch out, make something new. So, yeah. We're going to make something that they will deem illegal in a few months. Eventually, but not now. Right now, it's legal.

Right now, it just looks like a tool. Until somebody dies. Yeah, you could just work in a shop with it now uh so he played his junior rugby league for the stockman and then he was recruited to the canberra raiders uh they all a lot of these teams have like nfl football yeah yeah i've noticed that they have a lot of those they got the broncos yeah yeah all kinds of weird shit i guess raiders and broncos and the bears i mean there's there's the bears yeah yeah it's all common stuff yeah which for raiders doesn't seem very common that seems like a an absolute uh kind of definitely influence yeah i mean i can get i could see where you could get a raider like raiders of the lost ark yeah it happens there's raiders but also too i don't

think the bears was a knockoff because you have to be an overweight, hairy gay man to play on that team. I think it's coming from a different place is what I'm getting at. Do they make you prove it? You have to be. I can take my shirt off and show them. You take your shirt off. You also have to have talent at rugby. That's the other part.

You have to know what a scrum is first. You can't just show it to them. You have to take your shirt off, be hairy, then blow a man, and then show rugby prowess. Rugby prowess is third in the equation. In that team, yeah, because you could be great at rugby, but if you don't have A and B, it doesn't matter. So let's cover A and B and then check your rugby,

whereas other teams are going to check your rugby first. And if you can blow dudes good, well, that's just an extra bonus, I guess, for you. I don't know, whatever. Give you a signing bonus. Yeah, it's I guess, for you. I don't know. Whatever. Give me a signing bonus. Yeah, it's good. Good for you. I don't know. With this team in particular, way different.

Way different. So, yeah, he went to the Canberra Raiders Junior Academy at the age of just 12. Okay. So, before that. So, they're treating it like soccer down there. Oh, yeah. They'll pull you out of school. You don't need that.

You don't need to know math, mate. Let's go. Run around. National whatever. National security. Matter of national security. So he must have played for the Stockman pre-12. So that's wild.

You're playing for an organization that's a professional organization when you're 12. It's an organization right that's like a professional organization and it's like it's when you're 12 it's a man's sport like it's not oh no rugby's not for pussies right rugby is yeah that's what i mean if you're hairy and gay and suck cock i salute you if you play rugby too i mean you are the toughest man alive if you play rugby also that's what i was getting at i was like how do i get to this yeah you can do that salute brother because that's insane fucking terrified of you yeah you can do anything you can do anything yeah like you're not afraid of shit except vaginas but that's a whole other issue so good news and a lot of a lot of uh soldiers around this world don't have them so that and also kick all their asses yeah also all the rugby players so you could never see a chick ever

if you were playing rugby if you really wanted amazing so uh he played in the jersey flag championship that at some point here and carney's team uh were the premier champions in 2003 great so when he's a child still you know teenager here he's a winner he's a winner the guy's a winner that's the thing about this guy he's a crazy son of a bitch yeah he's a really good player that's the thing that's a lot of there's definitely a ben cousins parallel here or just a lot of guys we've done where he's a good player he gets a lot of chances because he's a good player and we found that it seems like in england and in australia guys seem to get more chances the better they are they really

do there's a there's a see like over here it's lately there's there's not as much of a sliding yeah they're starting to put their foot down on them now whether you're a bench warmer or whether you're a star if you get caught beating the shit out of your wife on camera you pretty much you're getting suspended over you're getting suspended and then after that whatever you can parse out whatever but like we'll get the details in and as they escalate the details we'll decide whether or not you're coming back yeah over there it's like if you're a nobody they just shit can you but if you're somebody they'll make the team will make a big statement saying they stand behind you and you know it's just way different uh i don't know i don't know if also too it's a smaller place so

there's less people and less less, for that matter, too. Just by statistics. Just by statistics, yeah. There's not the same population. Look at England. There's 60 million people in England. There's 330 million people here. So they're going to have less athletes, period, in general.

So it's going to be harder to fill leagues, and you're going to need to keep whoever you have that works. Well, England, they'll have a shitload of athletes. They're just not all good. Yeah, they'll try. They'll try. Because they've got way too many sports over there. Oh, people play anything. Yeah, they'll just take anybody.

And they're like, oh, that's our best one at this, I guess. Oh, no, there's dudes who look like they teach at Oxford who are out there playing cricket. And you're like, what's happening here? This is a sport? And that's why they don't win at the Olympics a lot. Do people bet on this? You're putting money on this fucking dweeb?

No. I'd like to look at England's gold medals lately in Olympics. I don't know. I can't imagine it's very high. I don't know. Maybe. I'll bet they're getting mobbed up by some countries that have a very low gross domestic product. What is that?

Yeah, that works. Yeah, probably.. Yeah, probably. Maybe not, though. In the Olympics, those countries, superior athletes or not, they don't have training facilities or money, and so they tend to not be as good. Throwing a cinder block around, and it's heavier than a discus, makes you be able to throw that discus a little bit easier.

It's true. It's true. That's a good point. So in 2004, he makes his national rugby league premiership debut this is going to the big leagues here uh during the season here in 2004 he at this is he's 17 years old okay so he's going to the bigs at 17 which right away that's that's difficult pretty impressive it's impressive and it's also difficult this guy's lived in this world of rugby since he was an elementary school kid.

This is crazy. First memories. No way you can be normal. No. There's no fucking way he's normal at that point. You have to have an I-earned-it mentality. How do you earn anything at eight years old, at ten years old, at eleven? Even if you're earning it with your ability, you don't realize that.

You don't know how good you are. Oh, I'm special. And so it's a matter of that. You just do better than everyone else. That's just how it is. He doesn't even play that much that year, but he wins the Raiders Rookie of the Year Award. So I feel like they're trying to pump him up. He's going to be good in the future.

Look, you're the Rookie of the Year. See? Yeah. Play harder next year. So he does that uh 2005 he uh they they talk about here he uh he is uh awarded the starting position in the junior kangaroos annual match against papa new guinea the junior kangaroos the junior kangaroos okay so i feel like this is some sort of national yeah this is some sort of well i know what it is some sort of national team but like an under 21 or under 20 or

some shit however under 19 every country is different but they all have these under like england has the under 19 are yeah the junior kangaroos junior ruse that's a good name for sure that's what they call yeah so uh the rooniers Rooniers. I'm one of the Rooniers. I don't want to be a Roonier. So, yeah, he played against Papa New Guinea, and he had apparently tallied a record 20 points. I don't know how he did that or what he did to cause that, but that sounds good. Papa New Guinea? Papa New Guinea.

That's the... You don't know where that is? Oh, that's a team? That's a country. No, no. I mean... He played against Papa New Guinea, the country. Papa Newinea is a i thought new guinea is the country papa new guinea papa new guinea's got it p-a-u p-a-u yeah got it no p-a-p-a-p-a-p-u-a is that what it is

papa new guinea yeah jesus christ i'm stupid but i didn't i didn't that's why there's i always thought it was just called new guinea that's why they always talk about the cannibals still. They still have cannibal tribes there. That's in Papa. You can't have any contact with and shit. Yeah. Yeah, Papa New Guinea. All right, I'm super dumb.

So he wasn't eaten. Sorry. No, that's quite all right. I thought we were talking about he played against a man named Papa New Guinea. Yeah, this is Papa New Guinea. He's a big, fat Italian guy. Papa New Guinea. That seems kind of racist hey how

you doing all right let's play some rugby huh one-on-one me and you kid one-on-one kid let's go get over here you junior roo i've been playing this fucking annual game for what 42 seasons sal hey sally what is it 42 seasons 42 seasons we've been playing this fucking game, and I'm going to kick your ass. Sweet Christ. So that's what's going on there. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry. What are you saying sorry?

I'm fucking yelling at Sal, for Christ's sake, saying sorry. I'm a mess over here. He tallied 20 points. I guess that's good. It's a record, so good for you. They beat New Guinea. So Papa New Guinea and his whole crew crew 2006 here uh this is when he became

kind of a star and people knew who he was he uh he scored 12 tries in 18 games yeah i sometimes they talk about shit in terms of points and sometimes it's in terms of tries and i know it's very nice that they give you give you separate statistics for giving a shit yeah like giving a making an attempt it can't be attempts because there's no way in basketball you'd be like he put up 300 shots then so how many did he make i don't care how many he shot i know in hockey shots on goal is a big deal but still how many you make is the more important stat you know how many times philip rivers has failed on that last drive to win the game jesus christ he tried they do stat how many times michael jordan missed the last shot or kobe Philip Rivers has failed on that last drive to win the game? Oh, Jesus Christ. He tried. They do stat.

How many times Michael Jordan missed the last shot? Or Kobe Bryant missed the last shot? He tried. They tried. Should have got more wins for that. No. They don't get any credit for tries. So 12 tries in 18 games, and apparently that was impressive.

That's an impressive statistic here. Yeah. I guess he was the... Him and another guy named Adam Mogg, you're going to get very fun rugby names, they were the Raiders' leading try scorers for 2006. So they scored more tries. They really give a shit. They're really trying.

They win the Effort Award, is what it is. That's all you win for that, the Effort Award. They win the Effort Award is what it is. That's all you win for that, the Effort Award. Also, they talk about his long-range kicking game has really went up into the stratosphere this year, which is good. Going on to record numerous 40-20s. Oh. Yeah. That's only 60.

Going on to numerous 40-20s. 40 slash 20? 40 dash 20. Oh. 40-20s. 40 slash 20? 40 dash 20. Oh. 40-20s. Okay. Is that like a... It's not 100%.

Is that a try? Well, if 12 tries... This is giving 60%. 12 tries over 18 games is good, but yet you get numerous 40-20s? That seems like more than 12-18s. Okay, so that's going to be like 40 of something and 20 of something else pencil here if we get if we do if we divide yeah okay so hold on there's a formula here that's going to work this out it's so it's got to be two statistics put together like like

a triple double see what i'm saying yeah well that's what a 40 20 is six times okay let's do so we got six okay six goes into 12 twice so that's going to be two right times six goes into 18 three times so times three so two times three is six times the six that we left over from that is going to be 36. That equals 36, and then there's 40-20. So he has 36 plus a 40-20, so 60. So he's got 96 total is what I'm getting at here. That's good enough for me. I'm calling 96 totals for the whole year. I don't know how many 40-20s or if that just counts as one.

If he had many, we could add 60-60-60 even more. I've got a baseball that says 300-300 club on it. Shit, that's so much easier. So this has got to be something similar to that. I feel like that's what it is. But my math, I'm not saying it's right, but it's a theory. That's all I'm saying. I was just seeing, based on tries, that he gives 40%,

sometimes he gives 20% the other second the other second half you don't just cure cancer you gotta just you gotta throw some shit at the wall first and see what works and what doesn't work you know it goes it equals a try is my point yeah well there's more here carney won three games in extra time off 40 meter drop goals well he needed extra time to do it 40 meters right do it in a regular meters is like a that's a fucking long way 40 meters is a long way a football think about that it's huge 40 meter drop goals that's pretty impressive is that like a punt yeah that's like a drop kick yeah so he kicked 40 meter that's not that far it's for not that far you could do it no yeah no fuck yeah fuck yeah a rugby is like a fucking balloon that's true it's huge yeah you could blast that i'll bet

you could blast that fucking thing 60 yards i can actually kick a field goal the regular football i can't i can do it from about 35 that's about it in the air somehow i don't know why i can get it from about 35 out but 36 no go and with no one running at you, also is a big deal. Get 11 dudes running at me and jumping up. I can't get it up that high that fast. No, that's not going to work. I can get it up in the air and over that crossbar, but it'll nip the bar at 35. That's not bad, Dylan.

That's still pretty good. So 40 yards, I'm not fucking impressed, sir. That's 40 meter drop goals. Oh, meter. Whoa. That's a different story well meters actually meter and a yard is the same thing i think the yard is longer actually yeah a meter is i was thinking about no yard is meters longer anyway so uh yeah because that's like an extra three inches

anyway so uh he uh canberra finished in the top eight of the nrl year. And he was, again, the next year, selected to the Junior Kangaroos squad here, where he's appointed Captain of the Junior Kangaroos. Oh, boy. Captain Kangaroo Junior. Junior. Do you understand? He is a junior to the nth degree. Captain Kangaroo Junior should definitely be the name of this episode.

Grace. Let's just call it now. Oh, Captain Kangaroo Jr. Should definitely be the name of this episode. Grace. Let's just call it now. Oh, my God. Grace. As Captain Kangaroo Jr., that's Grace. That's Grace, man. That's Grace. Because it starts to get a little bit weird from there on out.

And we're going to have fun with this shit. Because that's pretty much all we're going to talk about with sports. Because I don't know anything about the stats. I don't know anything about that shit. And we're not going to fucking sit here and discuss his rugby statistics because we don't know them it would be insulting to people who like rugby and it would be fucking super boring to people who don't know anything about rugby so we're insulting everyone if we do that so rather than that let's just talk about him

correct as an asshole yeah as a as a whole asshole rather than just his sporting outings here. December of 2006. This is when he's Captain Kangaroo and everything. So he's supposed to be doing good things here. December of 2006? December of 2006, this is. He is caught doing burnouts and driving at speeds of up to 100 kilometers an hour while shit-faced in Goulburn. That's like 40 miles an hour.

I think it's 60. It's not crazy. No, but if you're doing... But it's probably in a 25. And if you're drunk and doing burnouts while you're doing it, it also becomes a little more of an issue. A little more reckless and dangerous. Slightly more reckless. Keep in mind here that he does all this in his hometown of goulburn because we'll discuss this later on it's fucking hilarious what happens to him uh so he does this he's such an idiot

apparently this was such an egregious act of idiocy that they suspended his driver's license for five years for this incident whoa this wasn't like, he did a burnout and he went a little fast up the road. He was like fucking doing it a lot. He was dicking around. Yeah. He was like, hey, I can tear all around the town shit face and no one minds because I I'm Captain Kangaroo. I'm Captain Kangaroo.

And I'll do as I please. He got out like his finger on his left. He's like, I'm Captain Kangaroo. Don't you know who I am? Fucking Captain Kangaroo. I'm Kangaroo, mate. Oh, I'm Captain. on his left and he's like i'm captain kangaroo don't you know who i am fucking captain kangaroo kangaroo mate oh i'm cat i play fucking i beat the you know papa new guinea i beat that old bastard i got him he gave me this accent so he that's really taking it australia takes it serious well sort of as we'll talk about later because he gets to a point where he would 100

be doing five years of prison in america and he's just they're like you'd be better come on now so they're taking his license for five years right now though though for now for five but that's just his license they're not putting him in jail or anything like that australia seems they okay from the way they try whenever guys get in trouble for alcohol related things and drug related things they seem like they're hard on drugs like they have no sympathy for people on drugs that's like you're fucking i don't know if this is true or not but legally they don't maybe the people do but like legally there seems to be no sympathy for people caught with drugs no one's like oh who cares it's just drugs whereas here they're like why don't you fucking

legalize it and leave these people alone you know and in normal places in the world where they figured that out already so here that but alcohol here is like yeah well who doesn't have a few it's a good point a few fucking pints and you know what are we talking about here jesus christ what are we should we not get shit faced in the streets that's kind of that's what every holiday is built around kind of our culture i don't know what you this is you know what we do here our export is a beer that we don't even drink but that's what everyone knows as we're like come on here so uh yeah they don't seem too they don't seem too angry at people uh for being drunks basically whereas here you know they kind

of look at drugs and alcohol are kind of looked at sort of equally, kind of, in a way. People still have a... Getting there. Getting there. People still definitely have a connotation. Heroin and meth, you're kind of a dickhead. You are.

You are. But now that... Now, yeah, but there's a lot of people, like, that have opioid addictions now where people are... They're starting to be like, hey... Heroin's starting to be acceptable. I know a guy who's, you know, he cousin yeah he just hurt his back and now he's a hook done and so that it's gotten a little bit he can't get pills anymore so what do you expect

him to do obviously black tar is the only way to go the only way to go obviously we've all been there i mean come on so uh 2007 he takes the role of the 5'8 guy here. He earned three Man of the Match awards in seven games in 2007. Well, he's the one. Look at that. Three out of seven. He's the Highlander of the Match. That's it.

Man of the Match. He's Captain fucking Kangaroo here. So March of 2007, the alcohol thing comes up in court as driving and as you know general assholery uh it's here hurting court a magistrate geraldine beattie said that she would have locked carney up had he recorded just a little bit higher i guess a high range blood alcohol reading is 0.15 and above it's like an extreme dui here. But he registered a 0.145. Oh. So he was about three sips away from that.

And she said if he, because that's the cutoff though. She said if he was a high range, she would have locked him up for what he did being that shit-faced. Just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you a little bit more about ZipRecruiter. Oh, ZipRecruiter.com or the ZipRecruiter app.

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Yeah. And this was what he needed. Refreshing. I mean, he's 20 years old. So, you know, they can drink at 18 there, right? Yeah, I think so. So everybody mean he's he's refreshed. He was like, man, that was a dark point in my life.

Real brush with a low. And wow, I'm embarrassed of the person I was moving forward. So everything works out fine. He's now married with five kids. He's a pastor of a church. Thanks for listening to Crime and Sports. No, he's not fine at all. Things fall apart way worse than this.

So he says that, quote, it didn't sit right in my stomach. Not the alcohol, the actual arrest. I learned that it was time to grow up and that I shouldn't take anything for granted. So these are good things to say if you follow through. He says, you can lose things very quickly. I'm on my last chance. There's no more chances. I'll be gone.

It's time to grow up quickly. It means that a lot that they kept me at the club and had faith in me. That's a big thing I have to play for a lot that they kept me at the club and had faith in me that's a big thing i have to play for thanking them for keeping me at the club i brought the club down and i need to repay them okay so good for you and he does too may 16 2007 uh i guess he has an amazing game and takes the the raiders uh to a win against south sydney and wins man of the match performance again apparently was like the real MVP of the game, hardcore. And then, two days later, on May 18th, he didn't sit well. He's learned his lesson, mind you. Well, he has a little problem here.

When he tries to outrun the police through the streets of a place called Bruce, the police noticed a momentary loss of traction in quotes and attempted to pull him over he was making a turn and skidded out around a turn okay it's going a little too fast around a corner fucking around yeah so uh what ended up happening is they threw the lights on and he went into a dead end hopped out of the car and fucking ran away okay he pulled the cops basically like he took off through a neighborhood already yeah cul-de-sac good move here problem is there's someone else in the car oh geez and it's his teammate yeah steve irwin not the croc not not him what the fuck is happening this is what i mean i get that you don't have a lot of people there maybe there's not a lot of names but

can no one else be named steve irwin that you're gonna make famous you can only have one steve irwin because you're really fucking confusing us over here. We don't know. We don't know things. Is there a Paul Hogan going to be playing too? Yeah, the captain of the team is Paul Hogan. He took over his spot as Captain Kangaroo when he got busted the first time.

It's fucking amazing. It's amazing. And under Coach Russell Crowe. Yeah. So it's pretty outstanding. I got to tell you you it's not bad so todd carney's wife nicole kidman was pissed about this she was not happy she said she's tired of being confused for that actress she's bullshit she's so sick of it

everybody is it's very just disturbing his cousin hugh jackman came out and was like listen you guys it's fucked man it's so bad and the owner of the team, Mel Gibson, said, I will not have this. Fuck the Jews! I was going to say, you're not a Jew, are you? I don't mind the drinking, but you better not be a fucking drunken Jew because then we have problems.

Wow. Well, that was fun. Australia only has six names. Six names and one of them's an anti-Semite. Six names and one of them's an anti-Semite. Six people and one of them's an anti-Semite. And so, sorry, everyone else in the country named Mel Gibson. So, yeah.

So, he leaves the crocodile guy in the knot. Steve Irwin, his teammate, is sitting in the passenger seat of the car when the cops surround it. And he's like and they're like, you know, fucking guns drawn on this guy, and he's just sitting there. And yeah, he remained inside the vehicle and ended up cooperating with the police. Because he's not a dickhead.

He told them it was Todd Carney driving. It wasn't me. This idiot just started running from you guys. I don't know. They said, who was that? And he goes, Todd Carney? That's literally what it was. Thanks, Judas!

Who was running off? Todd Carney? Like, thanks. I hope a stingray gets in your heart someday, asshole. So he told them he wished it upon him. It was all Todd Carney. I hope he got bit by a rattler, you fucking jerk. Oh, my God.

So, yeah. After that, the next morning, Carney turns himself in to the police. Okay. You know, once everything settles in his system. The Raiders CEO, Simon Hawkins, hair turning silver as he says this, just silver as it comes. Quote, the Raiders are working with ACT police and now need to let the investigation take its course. Until time, both players have been suspended indefinitely and their future with their club will be determined at a later date when the publicity is not so fresh when you guys forget about this you know how that goes and then later on it'll just go under there

it'll be on the page eight we don't even see it uh if the accusations are proved they said they're definitely uh it'll probably be a certain uh sacking for carney oh i'm sure they're gonna shit can him uh they who he's had all these off the field things and the drunk driving and it's about enough for this guy you know what i mean he's been charged with drunk driving and all this type of shit uh uh so uh uh the uh chief executive of the national rugby league david gallup yeah the david stern roger goodell of the gallup polls of the gallup polls he knows the pulse of what everybody's feeling obviously because he's pulled them he's asked everyone

literally uh he said that he would continue to talk to the club as the matter unfolded he said quote i spoke to the raiders last night and again this morning i'm comfortable with the process they're going through and we'll wait to hear from them for further developments we don't give a shit either yeah so we don't care whatever fucking fine it's all good yeah don't give a fuck so june 12 2007 uh he goes to court for this and pleads guilty to the charges of failing to stop when directed by police, negligent driving, and driving while disqualified. Because he has no fucking license. So his attorney, a John Purnell, said he tells the court that the league, that the player has been attending counseling sessions with a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Anybody with psych in their title.

If they went to school for a couple of years, for any mental health shit, he has sat in their office over the past month that's all he's been doing yeah you know he's got nothing else to do he also handed over the lawyer several documents to magistrate maria dugan that included psychiatrist reports and a document signed by every member of the raiders board wow saying how much confidence they have in this young man all of them them. How good at rugby must he be? Yeah. We'll put it that way.

Man of the match twice. Yeah, Jesus. He's a big deal. Three times. Yeah. We did the math. Do I have to add that three? I think so.

Into the 40, 20, 18, 12? Got it. Oh, Jesus Christ. Is that how they figure out? That's confusing. Yeah. I put this. Oh, never mind.

So. Let's call Russell Crowe. I got to carry that one. Can somebody fucking call Paul Hogan for me now? Because I feel like only he would know. Somebody call him. So, yeah, they gave him the documents. And at this point, the judge has their her decision.

He says, you, sir. Yeah. May fuck off. Twelve month good behavior order. Oh, that's not no jail time. You have to be a good boy for 12 months you isn't that what jail is stop it yeah she went no you stop it now so for 12 months she's she's it's an order it's an order you must be isn't that good behavior order and the behavior

has a u in it so it's fucking serious they mean it over there when they say it because they put a u in it just for extra extra emphasis and uh banned him from driving until 2012 which he was already banned until 2011 anyway so i don't know just an extra year of that and 200 hours of community service so there's that and also the magistrate warned him there's a lot of finger pointing going on over there i feel like but not a lot of right in the him there's a lot of finger pointing going on over there i feel like but not a lot of right in the chest jail putting but a lot of finger pointing lots of sternum yeah lots of you now uh sentenced him to uh uh told him that if he were to commit another offense he would quote undoubtedly go to jail this is like this is how every uh kid named taylor uh gets parented yeah yeah yeah this is what's

going on this is every kid named colin yeah australia is just let's see your legal system is just a lot of mothers who had kids late you're right and they feel bad yeah and they want to be nice to them they're like i want to be your friend yeah well they had kids at like 38 so they're like i waited this long i'm gonna be nice to it we're best friends me and my kid go well not that if you had kids late it makes you a bad parent but it's a stereotype it helps what do you want so he was uh well young parents are young terrible too they don't even know what the hell they're doing but they're good parents because they can't give their parents i can't even find them talking about that's why they had lives to lead they got bills give their kids anything. They're parents. I can't even find them. What are you talking about? That's why they're good parents.

They had lives to lead. They got bills to pay. When you're 26, you're like finding relationships and getting jobs and doing shit. You're not hanging out with your fucking... No. So at least when they're 40, that parent will never leave you the fuck alone. If you have a kid when you're 40, the kids will be like, I don't want to play with you, mom.

No. No. Get out of here. I'm done. You are not looking through this for worms. Stop it.'s better than my pants are down it's better our parents left us alone yeah made us weirdos so i just think that's better parenting just like fend for yourself fucker yeah don't leave the house so the team reaction to this to the sentencing what do you think it's going to be team reaction at minimum they're going to fire him for good right fire him suspend him

right uh no they uh they get rid of steve irwin right they fired the other guy they fired the other guy they kept carney yeah but fired get out yeah they fired steve irwin instead where he was clearly can't trust him huh stevewin, when reached for comment, it was, What? Steve Irwin, when reached for comment... I'm not saying another fucking... Last time I talked, I got in trouble. I'm going to just quit rugby and find some animals,

because this is ridiculous. I've had it. I'm done with this shit. I've had it. You people have driven me to the... You people won't have Steveve irwin to kick around anymore steve turned into nixon on the spot comment i'm going out here to book to to pick some eucalyptus to fucking bait me a koala and put it on tv that's what i'm gonna do and he made

a jerking off gesture with a throw up with his hands like he pow all over you skeet on your camera that's right so uh uh yeah er, Erwin has some comments about this shit. He's not going to stay quiet about this shit. He said that he lied to the police about this whole thing under the club's direction to keep Carney from getting charged with drunk driving. Because he was shit-faced. He said he was fucking drunk. And he left. And I said, oh, no, he was fine.

He just ran away, and he got charged with not drunk driving. He's like, because he showed up the next morning. He goes, so I lied for him because the fucking club told me to, and then they shit-canned me. He's like, what the hell is this shit?

You can't tell people that. Well, after they shit-canned you again, that's what I mean. He got fired, and he's like, hey, fuckers. I took a bullet for you fucks. I fucking lied to the cops for you. Right. And you're firing me?

That's bullshit. He said that Raiders management asked him to cover up Carney's guilt. He said he was told by management to lie to police, saying he asked Carney. This is what he told police. His story was that he asked Carney, who's obviously his license was suspended. His story was that he asked Carney, who's obviously his license was suspended. He said that they were they he asked Carney to take him somewhere. And then Irwin told the cops that Irwin then had a few drinks and felt like he was tipsy and didn't want to drive.

So Carney was like, look, I know I don't have a license, but it's better than someone drunk driving. Give me the keys. I'm responsible. I'm the hero here. Yeah, that was what he told the cops. So it looked like he was like, i was just trying to keep my mate from drunk driving i know it's bad i'm sorry and cordy could say that but then this guy's like no no he was just less shit-faced than me but we were both shit-faced in my because it was in erwin's truck which is the weird part so okay ridiculous yeah he said uh uh he said this was in reality. He asked, I guess, this guy, Carney, Todd wanted to drive after a night out where they were drinking.

And Irwin said that Canberra asked him to tell police that Carney was not drunk at all, which the police say they could reopen their investigation. But I don't know what they could investigate other than ask fucking Carney if he was drunk. You know what your blood alcohol level was because we got to have that to charge you. No, you didn't do a test, so you kind of got to catch someone in the act of that. You can't really get it. It's not a week ago.

Someone thought they saw you driving drunk. Doesn't really hold water. Doesn't really work. It's not like murder. No. It's not the same crime. It goes away once it's away. murder no it's not the same crime it goes away once it's away yeah once you open the door into your house and close the door and say i don't

know what you're talking about anymore like that's it went away it's hard it's a magic crime hard to walk you back to that one yeah that's what it's not yeah you can't yeah that's not that's why you went the next morning so uh the the raiders chairman here says that he aggressively denies these allegations. This is super silver, dude. To get someone to lie on your team to protect a better player, then shit can the less player because you don't need him and then say, fuck him. Yeah, this is some silver shit. Aggressive. Aggressively denied.

Apparently, yeah, Carney had abandoned the car and just left him there which is fucking hilarious uh so i guess if carney had said or if if i guess erwin had told the cops yeah carney ran away because he shit faced that would have been very bad and he would have probably did some jail time for that so uh yeah he said he was stunned when he was you know shit canned off the team after that he thought he would be fined a's pay. He said he didn't know what to do. He retired from rugby after that because he said it was hard for him to catch on anywhere. He ended up retiring. I think he came back after a while.

Yeah, so we have another thing here that we'll talk about when Carney coming up pissed on a guy. But we'll talk about oh yes this is gonna be good here so uh jesus christ man erwin said quote i lied to police for him and i haven't heard from him since no thank you at all nothing he's like this guy doesn't even appreciate it he said that people the key figures president of the team that type of person told him to lie uh he says that quote ken barrett told me i had to say to police that I asked Todd to drive. That was so he would only be charged with drive being unlicensed and wouldn't go to jail. I was worried about Todd going to jail.

They asked me to say he wasn't something and it cuts out and he would and that would keep him out of jail. Todd was begging me not to go to jail. Oh, he wasn't. I think pissed is what they're getting at there. He was sending text messages saying we have to stick to our story. So afterwards, there's that. They said to say he hadn't been drinking. They were going to deduct me a day's pay for drinking while injured.

And that was all. That's what the team told him. Just lie to the cops and you're fine. And he said, quote, three days later, I was in a cafe being sacked. I lost a contract worth 80,000. The only option Canberra gave me was to play for the feeder club, which is their minor league club. So they said, we can send you down to the minors for nothing, for nothing. Yeah.

So the the team president, McIntyre, furious. He called it, quote, absolute absolute bloody rubbish which is the most english or australian thing you could call it yeah absolute bloody rubbish imagine a team president imagine if you just heard green bay packer president whatever said absolute bloody rubbish to aaron rogers reports that he was told to lie to the police it'd'd be amazing. I would like that, actually. He says that Erwin lacks credibility and discipline. That's why he's retired from footy. Wynnum didn't want him either. So this guy went to talking shit about his football.

They hate him. They went, yeah, fuck, man. He said, Jesus. They said, well, why would he lie? And McIntyre said, quote, because he's dirty on us. Yeah. Yeah, he hates us, apparently. Jesus, Carney was unavailable

for comments uh here now uh the raiders will convene a special board meeting to discuss all of this uh drama uh which we'll talk about in a second because uh uh him and then a teammate of his was charged well a teammate not him a teammate of his was charged with two two counts of assault in a fight so they were like our whole team is getting arrested and this is falling apart here so uh yeah the the uh the other guy ended up having to go to court and everything like that they asked carney if he had a drinking problem they asked mcintyre the team president if carney had a drinking problem and he said quote that's putting it mildly. It certainly sounds like the case. Counseling is one option, but I don't want to preempt what the board and management will

do. It's extremely disappointing. We were just starting to get some momentum. And now this, it's certainly a dampener. We will sit down at the board meeting and look at the situation. We're very conscious of our responsibility to the game and the club. So, yeah, the uh chief executive of the national rugby league said it's difficult to comment but there are serious allegations which are a matter

for police if erwin seemed wish to pursue them so i guess to be forced to lie to the police you know through threat of your job it's probably seems illegal yeah can't imagine that's okay no matter what your country's hr procedures. I don't imagine that's okay here. So the Canberra CEO said that Goodwin and Carney, that's the guy who got in the fight, would remain suspended while they do an investigation. He says, ACT Policing has concluded their investigation

in regards to this weekend's incidents and the Raiders will now begin deciding on a course of action. At this stage, both players will remain suspended by the club, and their futures will be decided by the board. So, now, on MySpace at the time, Todd says, quote, no evidence, no proof, lawyered.

That's his statement. On MySpace. On MySpace. It was 2007. That's his press release. So that's his press release. His press release, no evidence, no proof. Lawyered.

Which is exactly what someone would say on Twitter now. Lenny Dykstra would say that on Twitter. This guy is very Lenny Dykstra in a way. It's quite a Trump tweet, too. It's a very Trump. Yeah. Lawyered. That's it.

Just one. Yeah. So 2007, Carney was the Raiders' top try scorer for the season. Okay. So, I mean, he's good. That's why they keep him around here. Now, 2008, his contract is up, and I guess there was a couple of teams bidding on him.

Yeah. And eventually he re-signs with the Raiders until 2010 with another option for two years. So he's making good money, too. So he's doing well. Now it comes to july 20th 2008 and uh this is he's in jesus christ man he's at a nightclub and uh he apparently uh pissed on a guy awesome at a nightclub in canberra uh yeah apparently he was he was kind of roughed up a

little bit and then urinated on and the man undertook counseling to overcome the trauma of being urinated on by a rugby player. He needed counseling? He needed counseling. He apparently wasn't a bear. Wasn't one of the bears apparently. He now can't watch sports because he got pissed on.

There's going to be piss everywhere. This will not be the last piss-related incident that he has by the way and i mean that wholeheartedly he is causing all kinds of of therapy therapy oh it's not wait till we get to later he's sent so many people to therapy with his actions he's suspended from participating in league matches and while everything's being investigated here and uh apparently the uh the it's it's him and his teammate, him and his teammate Bronx Goodwin are in this.

And apparently, I think Bronx Goodwin roughed the guy up and Carney pissed on him is the allegations. Got it. That's the allegations here. So they're mulling assault charges. Got it. He is alleged to have urinated on a patron at the All Bar None establishment on a late Sunday evening.

And Goodwin is alleged to have assaulted two men outside the club at 1140 different people different people where you been oh I went out front beating these guys up I just pissed on a guy high five all right what the fuck is happening they weren't even together

Jesus Christ fantastic the complaint was withdrawn two days later I guarantee that has to be some pressure, I bet. Anyway, complaints withdrawn and Carney remained suspended, though, for a while. The nightclub allegations sparked renewed interest in Carney's bullshit because of the whole Steve Irwin incident here. So the club, this leads the club to imposing an ultimatum on him, which includes a five-point plan that he has to accept to come back to play again all right so you've got five rules five rules carney would have to quote one one stand down from training and matches for the rest of the season okay so

no more of that two to go on an alcohol ban and ban until the end of 2012 No more drinking for a year. Three, undergo counseling. Four, complete a community service program. And five, pay a $20,000 fine. Pretty simple shit for a guy who's done all this shit. And they threaten to deregister his contract for two years. The league does if he does not accept this plan in order to protect the Raiders from him getting signed somewhere else. Carney says, I got a counter proposal. Can I edit this?

He says, I agree. Yeah. If let's just cut one and two. I'll do three, four and five. But I got to be able to play and drink. Two is no alcohol. That's the part where it's banned. I'll go to counseling.

I'll pay a fine. I'll do community service, but I'm going to play and drink, which are the two things that they don't want him to do the most. Those are the problems. Those are the main things. No playing and no drinking. The rest of it's just kind of support.

That's why they're one and two. Yeah. That's the thing. He got convicted for a crime and they're like, okay, that's three years in jail, $500 fine, $300 in court costs, and he's like, tell's three years in jail 500 fine 300 bucks in court

costs and he's like tell you what i'll pay the fine i'll do the court costs deal nope not no and not or he got arrested for molesting kids and they're like you're going to jail uh you're going to be when you get out uh in 10 years 15 years you're going to be a sex offender uh uh you get your operation uh and and and you're going to be a sex offender. You get paration. And you're going to have rules. You're going to have to knock on people's doors. How's about this? No being around kids.

You can't have jobs here. How about not one and two? How about no jail and I work at a daycare center? Yeah. No jail. I don't tell anyone and I'm allowed to be around kids. What do you say those three and i'll do the rest i'll go to counseling whatever what was the other thing i'll do that i'll

certainly sign up yeah that's fine i can do that online i'm in let's go is there like a you can do online counseling okay streamline it better help okay so uh yeah so he uh he jesus christ man he asked for that and the club says no and suspends him. And he went, all right, suspend me then. He would take it. They ended up, the board on August 7, 2008, sacks him and terminates his $400,000 a season contract. He's like, no, fuck. I will not not drink.

$400,000 is what he was making? Per year. And he said. Booze is more important. Got to drink some more. Wow. Sorry. Yeah. So that was 2012.

It was more than a year. It was not to drink until the end of the contract, basically. If you play with us, you can't drink. So he's deregistered, and he's ineligible to play anywhere until 2010. Wow. So, yeah. He tries to go to an English team, huddersfield on a one-year deal but he's unable to obtain a visa due to his drunk driving offenses england's kind of touchy with

outsiders being criminals right so it's one of those things uh with the tourism and shit like that uh so october 8 2008 you think he's gonna sit home this guy should be sitting home drinking hot cocoa yeah trying to get his shit together and rehab his image yeah instead he's gonna sit home this guy should be sitting home drinking hot cocoa yeah trying to get his shit together and rehab his image yeah instead he's being investigated by the police over a smashing of a shop window in goulburn my christ yeah this is ridiculous here apparently uh he's uh arrested at a goulburn pub in relation to an attack the previous day here so it's uh it's auburn street mobile phone shop it was on Auburn Street Mobile Phone Shop, it was, on there. And its front window was smashed.

It was a phone zone, it was called. It was smashed at 4.30 a.m. on a Friday night. So it wasn't open. I would hope not. Yeah, so he apparently, he denies responsibility for breaking the door at the phone zone in Goulburn. He says the incident occurred for don't go home. Athletes, stop going home.

It's like rule number three in the crime and sports lexicon. Stop. He says that a group of his friends went to Auburn Street there to go to a club called Flamingos, which was a nightclub. He's out drinking and partying. It's closed at 3 a.m he says quote there's this kebab shop around the corner and it's a shawarma shop he's got yeah he says no signs say closed and they kick him out of there and then they break his glass

and then shawarma man comes through the broken glass with a machete and kills them all that's how that would work i think shawarma man would not be taking you breaking his fucking glass glass cost money and he would fucking chase you he said and i was there talking to these two girls for about a half an hour all of a sudden my mate starts punching the door then he started running at it it didn't break but it sort of collapsed wow that's that's great glass doesn't just sort of collapse it's not a fucking blanket no it either breaks or stays keeps the property of a pane of glass there's there's only two options for glass or is it just the actual frame itself the door itself collapsed in the glass is fine the glass is not broken but it collapsed oh no the other glass collapsed he said so he was gone broken

glass that's broken glass it didn't really break like he said he didn't like bust a hole through it so it fell out of the thing so what he doesn't understand is that glass is treated so that it doesn't shatter now there you go he's a dipshit but if it falls out and is in multiple pieces broken glass not even the properties of glass of what you want it to be as a door probably especially yeah that shit was in your car is that broken is that broken would you go i don't know the windshield just collapsed super weird now bugs hit me in the face i don't understand jesus so uh he said but it sort of collapsed he was gone by the time the

cops showed up they took statements from everyone who saw it i didn't tell them who did it because it was my mate yeah and who do i look like steve irwin over here i'm not fucking right he's he asked why they asked why his friend was damaging the door and he said quote i don't know he's just a lunatic that's his i don't quote i don't know he's just a lunatic he doesn't play rugby league he's a local guy i've known from goulburn he plays afl okay yeah you're hanging out with your buddy from around some low-level rugby guy who assuredly has brain damage. He's running into glass doors at 430. That behavior right there is probably why he doesn't play in the NRL. Probably why.

So the greatest part is his phone zone was a sponsor of the team that he just got cut from, which is hilarious. By the way, I love that. That's amazing that's that's like somebody from the bucks getting arrested for like kicking over a bunch of harleys yeah basketball teams now have that little logo yeah milwaukee because that's where kicking over a cheese curd factor so uh car so then the next night carney went out drinking with a bunch of at a bunch of pubs again with his cousin and that's when the cops found him so he said uh he denied that he was ever uh

you know anything ever happened there and uh he uh they the cops end up putting him in a paddy wagon and taking him away uh so uh yeah so uh this is, Jesus Christ. They said the Astor Hotel staff said that he had been refused service at 9 p.m. And then he left at 10.30, 20 minutes before the police arrived. This is the next day after the door. He was already so shit-faced that he was refused service at a bar by 9 o'clock. And then he left at 10.30 and the cops picked him up at 11. He says about a quote, The cops pulled up alongside and told me they wanted a full statement about the door.

They put me into the back of the paddy wagon and drove me to the station. From what I know, someone had called them that day and said I was around when the door was broken. So that's they're looking for two hours to get shit house drunk enough to be breaking windows. That's it. So no, no, that the night before it happened at 4 30 in the morning oh everybody took off got it the next day he went back to the pubs and was shit-faced by nine o'clock so shit-faced he's refused service in australia yeah and then he gotta qualify you

gotta qualify it and then the cops pulled up next to him they're like hey that shit last night right what happened there let's go so they kept him in custody for three hours there uh he says quote that was a pretty bad feeling after everything that's happened whatever i've done in the past i've always owned up to it it was terrible sitting there knowing i'd done nothing i'm sure uh he said that his friend then went to the police station while he was in custody to confess he came in to go no it was me it wasn't him that broke the goddamn door just gonna take a quick break from this show to tell you about another show if you're a fan of this show it's probably because you love true crime maybe mysteries that sort of thing but if you're someone who has listened to all of our

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Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door.

The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have crystal ball in my head. It's an all-new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice, only on Freebie. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time

on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink roller coaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout how the hell did we get here follow wiki hole on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to wiki hole ad free by joining wondery plus in the wondery app or on apple podcasts he later told police too and and he was really carney was released without charge at 2 30

a.m when he backed up his friend's story and uh he told detectives that he's about to go to rwanda to play rugby and so uh they're helping out an orphanage there him and a bunch of other rugby players are going to do a charity thing to build an orphanage and police gave him permission to leave australia and he left so uh 2009 carney applies to the and Carney applies back to the NRL because he wants to play for an Australian club in 2009. But the NRL stated, quote, they would not accept registration of a contract for Todd Carney that season. So they told him to fuck off and eat dicks. 2009, he has a problem. He's in Goulburn again.

Yeah. Going home. They always start there, those problems. And he jumped on a bunch of cars and fucked up a bunch of car trunks and hoods. He was just jumping on top of cars, smashing in their hoods. Like jumping up and down like monkeys on the bed. Like on in-betweeners. Fucking football friend.

Friend. Friend. If you're English, you'll probably know that. But otherwise, that's what he's doing. Like just smashing, jumping up and down on people's hoods and shit not a dick breaking cars like a fucking asshole so he's charged by police with malicious damage and uh yeah he was captured on closed circuit television cameras jumping up and down on several cars in goulburn yeah so uh carney here and another man were arrested and charged and will appear

in court next month police viewed the security footage before making arrest because they're like todd carney was jumping on car hoods and the cops are like get the fuck out of here way he's in trouble enough he doesn't need any more let's see the security tapes oh look at that todd carney jumping up and down look at that we're not so captain kangaroo himself look at that he's jumping around like what like a what jimmy god damn that's right that's right he's living up to his name he's a roonier this is amazing so he is definitely a roonier uh ruin your car ruin your car bitches so the the judge says yeah you sir may fuck off 12 months suspended sentence wow so no jail again and he's ordered to undertake alcohol counseling now i would say the courts but yeah by now he's court ordered again to do this in march 2009 the raiders agree to release carney

so he can play for the Atherton Roosters in far north Queensland. Which sounds terrible. This is good because he needs to get out of town because on March 10, 2009 he is banned from Goulburn. Not allowed to be in the town.

It's his hometown. They kick him out of his hometown. This is some old west shit. That is awesome. He's been banished. He's sentenced to they kick him out of his hometown this is some old west shit that is awesome he's been banished he's sentenced to get the hell out of town by sundown this is awesome imagine if you were just not allowed to you must leave phoenix jimmy you're gone you weren't even born here if i was just it's crazy then marcellus wallace kick him out this is what it is yeah it's seriously there ain't no me and you no get the fuck out of town don't come back he uh yeah after this the uh this was at the goulburn workers club is where he was jumping up and down on cars he's ordered by a magistrate to

stay away from the area for 12 months 12 months he's banned from goulburn he's like i'm sorry goulburn yeah every time you're here you're you're in front of me you're here so uh yeah this is amazing he's also given a 12 months suspended jail sentence and placed on a good behavior bond after pleading guilty to separate charges of intentionally or recklessly destroying property and destroying or damaging property relating to the uh the glass door incident also that he was involved in there and all that kind of shit. The magistrate, it was Geraldine Beattie, who was the one that shook her finger at him

and said, you'll undoubtedly be locked up. She didn't lock him up. No. She didn't do shit. She said that she told him it was in his best interest to stay away from the city. And you're banned for 12 months. Also bans him from the Goulburn local government area. This guy's got to get a map out to figure out where he's allowed to be.

You understand that? You want to go here? I can't go to that restaurant. It's inside the Goulburn local government area. I'm not allowed. Literally. I'm banned from this shit. That's amazing.

He's also on order to undergo counseling which he should just he's on a standing order yeah just keep going to counseling don't stop until until till we tell you yeah just keep going until we tell you not to anymore yeah we'll tell you when it's not for a while i'll just let you in on that one. So the court also confirmed that he faced jail if he returned to Goulburn within the next 12 months. So he will be jailed on site in this town of Goulburn. This means he's unable to visit his mother

and very... He's not allowed at his mom's house. Court ordered. He's allowed to visit his mom as long as she's out of there. He's going to stand at the edge of town and just wave no come on mom visit me out here and most of his friends are there he's just not allowed to go there uh he's jesus christ a police source says he's free to drive through ghoulburn yeah this is getting complicated now free to drive ghoulburn free to drive through

ghoulburn but he would be arrested if he got out of the car. So make sure you're gassed up before you drive through Goulburn, because I'd just avoid it. What if your car broke down? Yeah. You're fucked. What if you get a flat tire? That's what I mean.

You need gas, something. You want something to eat. But they called that this was a highly unusual condition. This is not a normal thing in Australia. I'm sure it's not. At first, I'm like, they must just ban people from towns. And then they talk about how this isn't normal and it's kind of creative. This is that you're such an idiot.

We just don't want you here anymore. They said a breach of the highly unusual condition could result in Carney appearing before a magistrate with the prospect of serving the full 12 month jail sentence. Yes, he was. He was in court, but then he was due to move to cairns car cairns c-a-i-r-n-s okay okay cairns cairns cairns i don't know he was cleared to play up there so he was moving anyway he stayed at his mother's house that night and then will fly to car cairns the next day okay and yeah, he'd originally been scheduled to go later, but they said, no, you have to leave now. So he got on a plane.

Listen, we've all talked it over. We've had a good chat. You know, there are a few people that want you to stay, but they all know you. They all know you. Everybody else has heard of you, and we would like you to get the fuck out. She points to the door.

He turns around all his bags are laying there packs we've taken the taking the liberty uh packing all your stuff we just like you to go to u-haul truck out there just put it all in there and go because we don't so uh as part jesus christ as part of his atherton roosters deal it's a month-by-month contract in case he's given permission to join the nrl club later on carney is working behind the bar in a pub owned by the club's president okay so if you have this guy on your team yeah do you want to assign him to be in a fucking pub every night is that what you're doing well i mean how stupid is that allowed to play may as well yeah jesus christ so may 10th 2009 uh carney is assaulted by four men in atherton so

it's right after he goes up there one of the men uh was a this is amazing was a former player a former fucking rugby player named uh nick sliney so we give four guys one of them he apparently was another player uh now carney's also arrested, but later released without charge. Carney, his lawyer says he, or his agent says that Carney was an innocent party. He says, quote, if you get jumped from behind by four blokes, it's not like you are an instigator.

He's got a point. Yeah, he says that Carney is a bit rattled, but he's okay. He said that Carney has a target on his head when he goes out, but that his client was happy overall by the way he's been accepted by the new town. He know that he should know they shouldn't go out he says quote he's going well he's working hard uh he's just disappointed that he's he's that he's been whacked

but that's life uh the four guys were ages 19 21 25 and 23 and they were charged with public nuisance yeah there so uh uh car Carney had initially asked that no charges be filed because he's a fucking rugby player. He's like, I'll get in a fight soon and karma will come back hopefully and they won't file them on me. So the Atherton Roosters president, Mick Nassar, who owns the Barron Valley Hotel,

which he tends bar at. Dundee's first name. Jesus Christ. Mick? Yeah, Mick. That's right. Everyone. There's very few names over there. Unbelievable. barren valley hotel which he tends bar at dundee's first name jesus christ mick yeah mick that's right everyone there's very few names over there very few names it's like very limited uh he said that uh this guy said he had no problem with him with uh carney being out at 3 a.m despite his history he says quote he wasn't drunk He just had a few drinks. Jesus. Which never leads to being drunk. And it's the only time he's had a drink after games.

Otherwise, he's working hard or training or doing junior development around the area. Look, he's the innocent victim in this. He was at a 21st birthday party, I assume. Some bloke on the drink provoked him. He walked away from it, didn't want a bar of it, and they followed him down the road and bashed him. He didn't even want to press charges. He didn't want it in the papers. He said that Carney was more embarrassed by the thing or anything, and he didn't want any of the teams to think of this as like, oh, he's getting in brawls out in pubs, basically. He said most of the people up here are really good to him, but unfortunately, all it takes

is a couple of idiots to spoil it, which is true. You got a good point. Speaking of idiots, December 31st, 2009, which is New Year's Eve, obviously, Carney, acting in, I would say, idiot fashion, he sets a man's pants on fire. What the fuck? Injuring the man. Yeah. Suffering burns to his buttocks, scrotum, and upper thighs. What the fuck? Apparently, many people saw this carny set this man on fire, set his pants on fire.

Hilarious. Which is so funny at a party. That's what you want. Yeah. The police, though, the man said he wants to make no formal complaint. He doesn't want any part of it. He just doesn't want to know anything. And so the police decide not to investigate because the victim doesn't care.

So they don't even bother. But everybody saw it. And this was after just after he signs a contract with the sydney roosters which is the big club there and the club had just handed him a three-year deal and he does that which is amazing so i sack him for it no he's gone no no no no because the police didn't investigate that's what i mean i feel like this guy was told hey someone gave him a few bucks and shut him up or whatever the fucking deal is.

This guy didn't go to the cops. How much is your scrum worth? Yeah. What's half your scrum worth, pal? Jesus Christ here. So, yeah, it's reported on the news and everything that he deliberately set a man's pants on fire and all that kind of shit here. A spokeswoman for the Queensland police said the man had presented,

went to the hospital for treatment for burns, but no official complaint had been received by the police. The rooster said they only found out about the allegations afterwards, and they didn't even talk to Carney about it. They said so. I mean, and then when they do, they'll be like, so his pants are on fire, eh? All right, then.

Get on out there. Let's go. Let me ask you a question all right was he a lawyer lawyer is that what happened no he was lawing so he's a lawyer lawyer and his pants were on fire any well what was the questioning leading up to this did you ask him would you like your pants on fire and he said no and you said said, liar. Poof. And then it was a double. Did it work double?

Right. So 2011, 2010, 11 here. His ban has expired. He's on the Roosters, the Sydney Roosters. And he has a great fucking year. Yeah, of course. After all this. 2010, Dally M Awards.

He won the Dally M Medal, which is for Player of the Year. Wins the Dallium Award for the ProVon Summons Medal, which is the People's Choice Award. Wins the award for Best 5'8", which is an award you've been going for for 20 years. 20 years. No, 38. Probably at 20. Well, since you've been that tight, yeah. I just remembered that.

And also the Rugby League International Federation International Player of the Year Award. So he's the greatest player in rugby this year after being a complete fucking idiot. So yeah, not too bad. June 2010, though, police see a friend of his, a guy named Jake Friend, hand a pill to Carney somewhere. What's his name? Jake Friend. That's a friend of his? It's a friend of his name jake friend there's no that's a friend of his it's a friend of his i mean there's not a lot of names not it's white guy first name that is different last name fucking amazing it's wild his nemesis uh john nemesis

his nemesis jonathan emin enemy what's happening this is ridiculous it's so stupid friend mr friend mr friend police allegedly see this guy hand a pill to carnie hand him over a pill officers search them they find uh a bag with seven volumes on the friend friend no pills were found on carney he's released charges but friend made some new friends in jail unfortunately for him so oh fuck at the end of this story if carney doesn't like work for the circus i'm gonna be furious well he does something that could be a circus trick that we'll talk about very soon that you're gonna go is he in the circus 2000 this is unbelievable so uh yeah no pills were found on carney here and he's released without

charges so i don't know if he i don't know if he if he fucking keistered it or what but whatever so december 2010 it is reported that carney injured himself falling from his balcony yeah while trying to gain entry to his building after he locked himself out doesn't suffer anything serious enough to affect his rugby but hurts himself because he fell from a goddamn balcony because he's an idiot you want to how much you want to bet he was drunk yeah locked himself out then fell off a balcony that sounds like drunk behavior drunk guy thing that's a drunk guy one and two right there so uh at this point carney is dating the seven network television presenter which is like the one of their tv channels seven network and i've seen this she just does like all sorts of she's

like a news lady kind of entertainment whatever liz canter yeah blonde chick on the news whatever uh this relationship they're together for a little while uh until january 2011 when they break up publicly so they're together like two months it's a public breakup well they were a public couple and in australia there's not that many people like i said so people are hooking up they're like holy shit they're hooking up they've been trying to get russell crowe and nicole kidman together for the last 30 years do you understand we need royalty we need something england has these bald fucks over there they get to be fucking i mean they got kidman and keith urban together keith urban's australian right i don't fucking know what keith urban is i don't know i just know he was a homeless meth addict and then he learned how to pick a guitar seems right so he should have hooked up with jewel that seems like her origin story as

well if not her teeth look like she's awful so february 26 2011 carney uh was arrested and will receive a low range drink driving charge that's below.15 the Sydney Roosters say they will stand by him through this because this is aberrant behavior obviously not like this happens all the time yeah he broke down in tears after his arrest and had a series of crisis

talks with his manager mother and Roosters officials and they stopped him from quitting rugby because he was so upset he says when something like this happens it just feels and Roosters officials, and they stopped him from quitting rugby because he was so upset. He says, when something like this happens, it just feels too hard. I knew I had let the club down, and the thought of quitting crossed my mind. I was filthy with myself and upset, and I didn't know if I could go on. I was on my way to breakfast with my finance guy just to go over a couple of things. I just got up, showered,

did all the things I normally do, and got in the car and left. On the way there, on Coogee Bay Road, the police pulled me over. I had no idea I was over the limit and was more worried whether or not I had my pee plates on. I have no idea what that is,

but I don't care. So he was... He didn't know he was over the limit. How drunk was he the night before? Right if he fell asleep woke up got in the car and was took a shower right drove to go meet his finance guy for breakfast he went and ate and he's fucking shit-faced yeah like how much did he get pulled over before he ate no yeah before before he ate. Dude, the hours have gone by. How fucking much, how drunk were you? Imagine if he got pulled over at five in the morning.

He blew a 052, so not that high at all. It's a low thing. He was given a low range drink driving charge here. He called his manager and told him he wanted to quit the game. He said, quote, I just lost my stomach when he said I had to go down to the station. We're talking about what manager and told him he wanted to quit the game he said quote i just lost my stomach when he said i had to go down to the station uh both talking about what the police told him i couldn't believe it i was shattered and i knew i had lost a lot of respect from people i thought about quitting but it would have been the easy option to walk away and so he had a bunch

of meetings like i said and uh he had his teammate pick up his car. And really, all you got to quit is drinking. That's it. Stop drinking. Everyone will be like, hey, look at you. Good job. Congratulations. That's all you got to walk away from. That's it.

It's not. You got to walk away from the game. The game's not fucking making you drink. Just stop drinking, stupid. He said that his manager said that Carney told me he wanted to retire he was filthy on himself for letting people down and upset with what he'd done it all seemed too much but then he put it all in perspective at the end of the day he knows he just made a mistake and he's ready to make up for it so uh yeah this is after his many many problems he says that he stayed clear of

alcohol for the last year what reportedly fell off the wagon and uh the australian team did a four nations campaign and you know you know you go if you go across overseas with the australian rugby team you're drinking yeah period so uh yeah he said he had a heart to heart with his mother and he once again vowed to stare clear of booze no more booze okay he says quote i spoke to mom and she said all my problems came from that she she should be on the show yeah we invite you mrs carney onto the show mrs gilretha yeah she i know she told him to stop oh she did she's not gonna win yeah she said he she said all my problems come from that she pointed out what a good year i had when i wasn't drinking and told

me to keep off it this is the wake-up call i needed yeah so her mom was actually is actually the one his mom is the one being smart uh he pleaded with fans here uh he says that uh uh this would be a one-off incident he said quote this isn't fun for anyone i know i've done the wrong thing and i hope people can forgive me i hope they realize i made a mistake uh. And the Roosters chairman vowed to stand by him. They said, quote, we've got to support him, but it's up to him. He's got to say he has a problem. He can't keep coming up with excuses. We're disappointed, but it's happened now.

We can't condone DUI in any way, and we'll work with him on that. He is a kid and has worked extremely hard to make up for what he's done in the past and he's taken a lot of steps forward unfortunately he's let a lot of people down but we will continue we'll treat the situation on its merits not on his past i think he's earned that what do you think he's earned nothing probably not a lot duis he's certainly earned those plenty of those uh a month, he's found to be involved with hanging out with an old teammate out drinking on April 16, 2011. Yeah. That's the second incident in three months. And the management told him that he is suspended indefinitely now.

So they went from standing by him, then he fucked up, and they went, okay, fuck you now. You're suspended. He is required to receive treatment for his behavioral issues stop drinking yeah that's that's that's it hey stop it that's that's we can fucking do this you know where the problem is yes i would say so uh so man uh in august 2011 though he him a guy named n Miles, and a Frank Paul Nusala. Wow. Nusala. N-U-U-A-U-S-A-L-A.

No, you don't get to do that. That's three U's out of the first fucking six letters of the word. Five letters. Yeah, that's too many. I guess these three guys broke a team agreement not to touch alcohol, and all three players were subject to disciplinary hearings. broke a team agreement not to touch alcohol, and all three players were subject to disciplinary hearings.

And September 8, 2001, it's announced that the Roosters will release Carney from the final year of his contract following a request from his management. He is denied a visa, again, to gain access to the U.K. due to his criminal convictions, and his management's reportedly considering a contract with a French-based Super League team, the Catalans Dragons. So, yeah, by mid-2011, there's all sorts of other rumors about where he's going to go. And finally, October 2011, he announces he's accepted a two-year contract

with the Cronulla Sharks to be worth seven hundred thousand dollars so uh the it's the cronella sutherland sharks which sounds like a dairy company yeah cronella sutherland or sounds like keifer's uh daughter yeah one of the this is my little this is my little girl cronella sutherland cronella sutherland sounds like a dairy company it's a very la uh girl name it name. It sort of is, yeah. It's weird. So June 2012, he starts dating water skier turned boxer Lauren Eagle, who's a blonde chick. She doesn't look like a boxer. She's pretty thin, and it's weird.

I could see her water skiing, I guess. Is water skiing a fucking job? It's a sport, isn't it? It's not a profession, I don't think. Can you make money water skiing? I think you can. Not a lot, but I'm sure some. There's a's not a profession, I don't think. It's not? Can you make money water skiing? I think you can. Not a lot, but I'm sure some. There's a water skiing circuit out there I don't know about.

Shit, yeah. Haven't you seen those, like, I don't know, maybe not. I don't know. If John Candy can accidentally do it, it's probably not really a sport. They have, like, those old-timey, those, you know, like the... The pyramids? The pyramids. From the 50s, though.

Vacation video from the 80s, you know? That's what I mean, in the 50s. But it wasn't like, I don't think they do those peer shows anymore. I used to watch when I was a kid. I remember watching people do. On ESPN? Yeah, on ESPN. Do the jumping and shit.

So it has to be a thing. It can't be. But those, never mind. I don't know, man. It's very strange. So 2012 is his first year at Cronulla, and it was good. He helped them get all the way to the finals, and they're beat by the Raiders in the qualifying finals.

So, yeah. He is selected to represent New South Wales in the annual State of Origin series. That's a big deal. Playing at the 5-8th position. Is it? It is. It's a series.

It's an annual best-of-three rugby league matches. You're saying yes like you know these things. No, I know what it is. It's a big deal. You know it's's a big deal but not the details of it i know that it's uh is it it's the uh aboriginal teams versus the uh not aboriginals right i don't know about that i think that's true it's the origin game between two australian state representative sides the new south wales blues and the queensland maroons. So I think it's just regional. I'm not sure if it's a color thing.

I really hope it's not. There is an Aboriginal game, too. I really hope these dudes don't get liquored up and go beat the shit out of Aboriginal players on a field. I really hope that doesn't happen. I don't know. I don't want to watch that. I swear Aboriginals are involved in this. It's one of Australia's premier sporting events, attracting huge television audiences and selling out the stadiums pretty quickly, they say.

It's a big goddamn deal. It's a big fucking deal. Players are selected to represent the Australian state in which they played their first senior rugby league game. It's not even where you're from. It's where you played to begin with. That's where you started. He spent the off-season here. Hence the origins.

The origins. Makes sense now. Got it. That's good he started. He spent the off-season here. Hence the origins. The origins. Makes sense. Makes sense now. Got it. That's good. And this is his first comeback. He's coming off of a torn Achilles. Oh.

He tore an Achilles last year, and he's healing that up here. 2013, he wins the award, the Dally M Award for Best 5'8". Again. Hell yeah. Okay. 2014, it really unravels here. right here it is guys this is yeah buckle the fuck up 2014 he receives criticism after he's pictured with a woman who's a convicted drug smuggler when he's on a holiday in bali what it's a woman i don't mind this lady it's a woman named uh named Chappelle Corby and her sister Michelle.

The Chappelle lady who had just been released from a prison in Bali after serving nine years for trying to smuggle in 4.2 kilos of weed. Oh. I'm like, come on. What the fuck? That's fucking weed. Kilos of weed? That's a lot of weed. That's a lot of weed. That's a lot of weed.

Well, 2.2 pounds is a kilo, so that's a lot of fucking weed. So 10 pounds of weed, basically. Wow. That's a lot of weed. Wow. That's a good is a kilo, so that's a lot of fucking weed. So 10 pounds of weed, basically. Wow. That's a lot of weed. Wow. That's a good amount of weed. You're not putting that in your pocket. She didn't have that in her carry-on.

That shit was... She didn't even have that just tucked under her arm. No, no, no, no, no. 10 pounds of weed doesn't weigh a lot. You need a wheelbarrow for that shit. No. And even compressed. Yeah.

Even the shitty old Mexican brick weed, a quarter pound is like a fucking... That's a lot. It's a brick that you need to fucking that's a lot it's a brick yeah you know it's a legit brick yeah so it's yeah but fluffy decent weed that's a lot that's a shitload oh god truck for that shit so uh now that's happened then so people are breaking his balls about because he posts on social media he's huge on instagram and posting all sorts of shit twitter yeah so he's posting everything on social media. All of his dipshittery ends up on social media, which gets him in trouble.

Yeah. Gets him in the most trouble on June 29th, 2014. Yeah. Let's talk about this, Jimmy. Okay. This is a first. Rarely on Crime and Sports do we have a first. Right?

Yeah. This is episode 169. It's hard to surprise us now. Hard to shock us now it really is you got to have something huge up your ass or something like that because we've had ben cousins had a like three grams of meth up his ass which is a stretch that's a good one and more than one more ways than one and he did it more than he did that's how he already know to look there you idiot we've had we've had crazy crimes that are just silly and ridiculous we've had chris

adams trying to attack a pilot while the fucking flight's in in flight we've had wild shit here we've never quite had this before uh todd todd is photographed and it's put on social media afterwards so everybody sees it uh in the bath jesus christ i don't even know i'm talking about this in the bathroom of a nightclub standing at the urinal pissing into his own mouth what okay what hold on he's pissing on everybody including himself just. Just his mouth. He's pissing. He's leaned over. Yeah. He has his dick up. Yeah. And he's pissing.

He's holding his dick up, and he's shooting the stream. Straight into his mouth. Into his own mouth. Oh, boy. And this is on social media. So he doesn't have his head tipped back, catching it. No, no, no, no, no. He's just shooting full string, like a super soaker, right in the face.

When I read this at first, I pictured the i just heard social media pictures of him pissing in his mouth i pictured i want to know if you pictured this i pictured him laying down kind of putting his hips up in the air so his dick's kind of above him anyway and then pissing into his mouth that way i saw or yeah laying flat no and getting some crazy arc stream that's somehow it's like it's like a party trick like look at this no one else has this accuracy of urine and like that's what i picture i saw him steve owing and like uh standing at a urinal with his head back and getting a ridiculous arch into that yeah no no he's hunched over that would get it like in your eyes and stuff too oh yeah he's just firing right in his face

and the look on his foot because he's like hunched over like like it's like he's been firing the shit right in his face. And the look on his face, because he's hunched over. It's like he's been in the desert for three days, and he finally got to a drinking fountain. That's what it looks like. He's like, oh, my God, I need it. And it's piss. His own piss in his mouth. So I don't even know what to say about that. So obviously, this needs an explanation of why you're photographing.

First of all, why are you pissing in your mouth second of all why are you like get this right somebody somebody get the camera ready you don't get a selfie of that i'll tell you that much right now do you stop in the middle he already knows he can do this yes oh yeah absolutely oh god jesus well he explains it this is the end explanation this is in 2019 he appears on a podcast and talks about it but there's a lot in between here and there and he says that uh uh basically that uh he he calls it the bubbler oh this is a common thing in australia by the way uh we'll talk about it we'll get into the culturalness of this but this this is people do this shit there and it's not it's like the shoeie it's not uncommon oh my god carney says that his bubbler act had been performed by another teammate bryce

gibbs carney claimed the bubbler became part of celebrations after each win gee i sure hope we win so i can piss in my mouth why is that the celebration yay Now I know why he drinks so much. To get the taste of piss out of his mouth, because it's better than that. Good Christ. Wow. He also claims that former Cronulla boss Steve Noyce was among the club officials to witness Gibbs do the bubbler and said that he did not balk at it before the publicly circulated photo of Carney made headlines and all of that. Carney stated that No uh noise only made

an issue of the act because the photograph became public and uh yeah he says uh jesus christ uh at that point the uh the sharks released a statement saying that uh uh they're releasing him from his contract the piss picture is too much for them it's not a bubbler the bubbler no good uh yeah it was his last warning for behavioral issues the nrl's uh ceo or coo said quote i would be surprised if any club would show interest in signing him considering his checkered history and even if they did it was unlikely the nrl would agree to register him so yeah yeah uh the the club said uh the sharks here the cornella shark football club is today after careful careful consideration and lengthy deliberation including discussions

with senior management made a discussion to terminate todd carney's contract effective immediately we think it's weird that he has piss in his mouth in a public place so yeah uh they told him that uh uh that uh his responsibilities were made well aware to him both on and off the field when they signed him and they said the photograph appeared on social media does not meet the values and standards the club is looking to uphold and take into the future he's like you didn't specifically say i couldn't piss in my mouth on in public that would never happen it's not written anywhere yeah Yeah, they said, as with any difficult decision,

whilst you can't change the past, it's important to put measures in place that can deliver positive outcomes both in the present and into the future. The club and the NRL will be committed to working with Todd, his family, and his management in implementing appropriate counseling

and support with the start of this process to begin tonight. One of Carney's friends, a guy named Mick Robinson, another Mick, another Mick. The other one was not. They're going to be everywhere. They're all the same thing. He admitted taking the photograph in the toilet here at Northeast, which is a nightclub there. And he told the TV station, quote quote the urine never actually went into his mouth

which i don't believe because then it would not be a bubbler yeah it would just be the other it would be the other answer is that it never went into his mouth that means it's all over his fucking face he said he was doing like a hey look at me but it's not because they do this uh yeah his agent chem comes out now todd r now imagine you want to be an agent this guy probably went to law school yeah these guys like imagine if i'm orin our agent you lucky motherfucker you never have to come out and defend us for drinking our own urine in public how great is that yeah jesus Jesus. Todd, he says, his agent says, did not, in fact, drink his own urine. He says, quote, it's a setup.

Yeah. That's what he said. Like when people stand in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says that his client posed for the picture, but he never intended it to be made public. Probably not. He said, quote, Todd paid a very, very heavy price for a photo that he didn't want out there or upload himself. It was supposed to be kept between mates. Obviously.

Jesus Christ, man. This is insane. Apparently, there was a two-hour crisis meeting among the team telling them that he's being sacked. And, you know, here's a picture of him pissing in his mouth. The team planned a 9 a.m. practice session, but it was canceled because the players were, quote, not in the right headspace. Todd pissed in his mouth. I can't kick that ball around and tackle other white guys. No way.

It was too goddamn hilarious. I can't stop laughing. I'm still laughing. My ribs hurt. My ribs hurt. I'm going to take a break for the rest of the day. He says, the agent says that Carney uh feeling betrayed after being dismissed by the sharks they asked uh when asked to confirm that it was one of carney's friends who released the photo

the agent said quote i use that word loosely uh he said the person who took the photo contacted me this morning by text and said my phone got lost supposedly that's how the photo got out it was meant to be a joke. So he says they shouldn't have sacked him. It was too quick. He said, quote, he's now got a photo of himself that's gone worldwide. And it's not a very pleasant and a not very pleasant setting that's going to be on the net for his family and everyone to see for future generations. That in itself is a very big price to pay. He also denies uh that he uh committed breaches of contract before that he says quote there's been no serious allegations that i'm aware of that have come across my desk

in writing in other words i've heard some shit but there's been no formal police complaints yeah literally in writing he put on there you didn't need to qualify in writing unless... I've got no complaints in writing. Yeah, he said literally nothing has come across my desk in writing. At all. Nothing. There's been no complaints. Not a one spelled out.

We've all heard things. He says, quote, I get a thousand emails every time Todd steps out. He says that there's a legal challenge uh that's unlikely to happen he doesn't know if that's going to happen uh we don't know here now reactions this is fucking funny some i guess some legendary rugby player uh andrew johns he told a channel nine that carney should not be sacked for the latest incident he said quote surely they couldn't sack him for that it's's silly, it's stupid, but he's only doing it to himself.

He's pissing on himself. It's not R. Kelly. It's not R. Kelly. We're not going to... Is that girl... That girl he's peeing on because he was definitely peeing on somebody back in that video.

Is she 14 or 18, the girl he's... That's not what we're discussing here. He literally said he brought this upon himself. He brought this upon himself. He's peeing on himself he brought pee upon himself unbelievable unreal so uh now this is broadcaster here this guy named ray hadley who apparently does not like uh illicit behavior of any kind this guy ray hadley says quote it's quote, it's obscene. It's deviant behavior. It's depraved. And then he went to the footloose town to stop teenagers from dancing. He said it's deviant.

It's depraved. It's a level of depravity that I don't think I've ever seen before. Where the fuck have you been? Yeah. People have gone to war, dude. Way worse shit happens. You've never seen anybody get peed on before? Don't you have the internet?

That's what I mean. 2012? Fuck. dude way where shit happens you've never seen anybody get peed on before don't you have the internet that's what i mean 2012 i'm told by the young blokes i know that the imbeciles who partake in this and they're they're in the vast minority usually undertake it when they're involved in taking drugs so he's saying there's this big thing where people get high and piss in their mouths that's like he sounded like a 90 year old woman i read a an article where people get high and piss in their mouths. That's like, he sounded like a 90-year-old woman. I read an article where people are smoking the crocane and peeing into their own mouths. I saw it. You're not taking the crocane, are you?

I saw a video about bath salt. I saw it. You take baths. Did you do something? Every once in a while, my grandmother found my cousin Gilda went to stay with my Aunt Lisa, and she smoked weed that she was 16. My grandmother found her weed pipe. It's like a metal old weed pipe.

And my grandmother freaked out, dragged them both in there, and accused them of smoking the cocaine, which was fucking amazing. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, vast minority. They're all taking drugs. He says, quote, Now Todd Carney hasn't been convicted anywhere of taking drugs. But if he wasn't on drugs, the bloke stark raving mad. And if he was on drugs, he's even more stark raving mad.

So he just said either way. Yeah. Fucking gone. He says that he this Hadley says he received emails every day claiming that, uh, that, that Todd Carney hangs around with drug dealers and that he hangs around with bad people. Hadley then says, quote, I'm glad he's out of the game. I hope I never see him on a rugby league field again. He's disgusted.

He's disgusted. Give it a couple minutes and we'll get back to Hadley and we'll talk about a little thing that he had. We'll talk about that. It's fun. It's fun. I love hypocrisy. You know that? Yeah. We'll talk about that. It's fun. It's fun. I love hypocrisy. You know that.

The guy with the piss face. I love hypocrisy. No, no. That was the Hadley. No, no. That's what I'm saying. The guy with the piss face is disgusting, but we'll get back to it. We'll get back to it.

So July 2nd, 2014, this is a couple days later, a story comes out. The police in New Zealand arrested an Australian man, not a rugby player, in a resort party town of Queenstown for urinating in his own mouth. This is a thing. An Australian guy in New Zealand. They report there's a 25-year-old Australian was grabbed by, because he did it in a downtown area. At least Carney was in the fucking urinal.

He was in the bathroom, at least, at 1.50 a.m. on a Sunday two weeks ago. And now this is becoming a story. He said the constable in New Zealand said, quote, I don't know how he achieved that. It doesn't say it on the file. It says he was arrested for offensive behavior for urinating onto a shop window and into his own mouth. On to a shop window. And then into his mouth. Wow.

He was just whipping it all around like a sword, I feel. He was just doing some lightsaber work with it. He's not like bouncing it off the glass into his face. I think he was just swinging it. Piss over there, piss over here. A little in the mouth. You know what? I'm thirsty.

So, yeah, this is fucking weird. So, Vice does a report, a little thing about bubbling. Yeah. This is apparently a thing this fucking bubbling thing now you're at you know about this now no no okay i'm like do you know that i don't why have you told me this i was gonna be so mad at you for not telling me this i'm like you're telling wait a second you knew about this you didn't tell me this no it's gonna be mad uh apparently it's called bubbling and uh there was a skater that talked to them uh vice he

talked he lives in europe this guy and he said the bubbling originated in australia and uh he says that he brought it to europe along the so he passed it along with the other skaters uh they said how did bubbling start and just how big is it in australia and this guy said it's huge in australia it's part of our everyday life oh i think this is a joke okay he says my dad actually taught me how to do it when i was a kid so i feel like he's like in australia we just piss in our own mouths he's just crazy but everyone who does piss happens to be australian so it's kind of funny is why he said it uh yeah so he said i was on tour in australia and this other skater asked me if I would drink my own piss for $136. For what?

$136? That's an awfully... It's probably just, what do you, how much cash do we have? Yeah, what's everybody got? Yeah, yeah. Pull it together. Pull it together. We got $136.

What do you got? Can you hit it? And 50 cents. So he said, on tour in Austria, not Australia. And a guy asked him if he would drink his own piss for $136. So I explained that it's common practice in Oz, and I did it right there and then. not australia and a guy asked him if he would drink his own piss for 136 bucks so i explained that it's common practice in oz and i did it right there and then and then later uh and then later again by some lake in italy it took this guy a few days to master the art though because he had a

weak flow uh-huh uh yeah she had a weak flow this other guy but carney's flow strong as can be so now he's got nowhere to go yeah nowhere to fucking be no fucking job shit face drunk pissing in his own mouth banned from his hometown everything's he literally all he can do is fucking sit home because if he goes out people are just snapping pictures of him waiting for him to start pissing his mouth yeah waiting for him to start pissing in his mouth like he has no the world has turned into his uh a magnifying glass for this guy he can't fucking do anything so he stays home and he says you know what i'm gonna get domesticated a little bit okay because i draw i do is drink and go out i'm gonna get domesticated a little bit i'm gonna fucking try to at least make a home life for

myself and uh he does that and the man he hires comes over and knocks on the door yeah and it's dexter manly interior designer from new york city jimmy and he says how is it you've come to arrive here? Seriously. Oh, my fucking God. White trash. You are just you are white trash. I'm sorry. Look, you. OK, let's start.

I don't I don't care about phone zones and windows and going out drinking with your friends. 20 years old. It's understandable. I get it. I get it. But you peed in your own mouth. Yeah. And like nobody was like jerking off in the corner into it. You weren't being paid to do this

by a nefarious Eastern European man. You know, the type that gives you money to pee in your mouth. You know, that type of type. I've never met anyone like that, but I'm just saying it happens. I've heard things from people. So I've heard things. But yes, you're white trash, sir.

And I'm sorry you stay in your house because no. Just no. just no. Poof. And in a puff of glitter and feathers and boa, he's gone. And Todd is left to sit in his living room wondering exactly how drunk he is and if he actually just saw that. So he has to try to make up for this because it's just weird. So he writes an open letter to the fans that's published, and it's fucking hilarious. Okay.

Open letter, guys. Open letters from Todd Carney. The purpose of this letter is to clarify some things to the fans of Canberra Raiders, rugby league fans, and the public in general. I feel I need to tell my side of the story regarding an incident at the Canberra pub on sunday july 20th after our win over the roosters and jesus it has been well documented that i was drunk and that an incident did occur in the toilets i am extremely sorry for the incident which occurred however you should never have an incident in the toilets ever and you should you should not say the incident you should just say i pissed in my own face you all saw it i'm sorry i pissed in my own face keep saying i pissed in my own face and maybe we'll agree you'll all make sorry we'll all make fun of me and that'll

he said i'm extremely sorry for the incident which occurred however i believe the details of that night have not been reported accurately i was not running around as some of you would believe urinating on patrons in the bar. The person involved was drinking in our group, and whilst yahooing in the toilets, things got out of hand. Whilst yahooing? Yeah. Wow. The line between good fun and inappropriate behavior was crossed.

It's not my intention to degrade or offend anyone, and I have apologized to the fellow concerned. I'm regretful of the incident and the ensuing media circus and am embarrassed at the unwanted focus on myself and the club. Since this, I feel that, quote, every man and his dog has a Todd Carney story. It says people just everybody knows. My primary school sweetheart has emailed the club and the media about the time I pulled her piggy tails. Not really, but it feels like an old-fashioned witch hunt.

Look, I'm not an angel. Far from it. I'm a 22-year-old. Jesus, he's fucked up a lot. I love my footy and having a good time. I am the first to admit I have had some issues off the field. Just Google me. I'm also very aware I've had some problems with drinking alcohol.

I do not have an alcohol problem in uh i do not have an alcohol problem in needing to drink all the time or anything like that more of a problem with not handling myself in a proper manner on occasion uh when i when i when i'm on the drink in other words i can't handle my own booze you can't stop this you can't say oh i've had five i'm good right you have to go i need 30 and And then I'll piss in my own face and show everybody. Wow. He says, furthermore, whilst there have been some things I'm not proud of, I don't get around barking at women or deliberately trying to antagonize people, contrary to some media reports. I also try to do my bit with promos, autographs, and appearances in the community.

In regard to the Canberra Raiders, I love the club. I've played with them since I was 12 years old and really knocked back a number of big money deals from other NRL clubs and overseas to sign a four-year deal with them. However, I must say I'm disappointed with the way this incident has been handled. I've read reports about my teammates having input into my punishment, and I've not even been given the opportunity to address them or the coaching staff on my issues. I was not present or invited to discuss the allegations with the board. I was just handed a punishment through my manager.

And if my actions have caused hurt or embarrassment to my fans, family, and friends, as well as the club, I am truly sorry. Todd Carney. But it wasn't that big of a deal. But I'm sorry. You know how it goes. that big of a deal but i'm sorry you know how it goes so 2015 who the fuck is dexter manly yeah and by the way anybody on this guy anybody got this anybody like a rielp reference like i said i needed like furniture he was gonna do my like you know wall stuff curtains and shit on the window treatments but i don't know dude he just came over and yelled at me and left super weird so broadcaster ray hadley who said oh yeah the worst uh hadley's son who is a police

officer gets busted for drugs yeah uh it's daniel hadley's his son he's a he was former police officer of the year winner and he was arrested for buying uh 0.79 grams of cocaine, about $200 worth at a Sydney pub car park on a Friday night. The senior constable, Daniel Hadley, was caught in possession of this. And where is it here? He was admitted to a mental health clinic after being granted bail. Hadley appeared at a tearful press conference this is the father uh noting uh the the broadcaster here saying that he admitted to feeling inadequate as a father for failing to notice his son's mental health problems or his for the coke around his nose is what you failed

to fucking notice the coke in his mustache and his cop mustache uh he returned and said that uh you know he thanked everybody for wishing him well, and Carney says, hold on a second, Ray. Back the fuck up. He says to this guy, he says about Ray Hadley, question, would Ray Hadley have had the same sympathy

if it was an NRL player in the same situation? Yes, no? Sounds like probably not, I would say. Or would he rule and uh ridicule the player like he was a criminal as what he said and he said uh uh well this is amazing one set of rules for the shock jocks and another set for everyone else as well bet he never pissed in his mouth though that's he said so he could do all the drugs he wants but listen he didn't he's a cop that bought Coke. He wasn't pissing in his own face.

Yeah, I mean, God. He's just a corrupt cop. Not like he pissed on himself in a bathroom. So, yeah. So this is a big deal because Hadley apparently... Carney's not the first one that Hadley goes after. Anytime a rugby player has an incident, he's like, How dare they?

They should be banned from the league. So moral. They're Skip Bayless assholes is what they are. He's their, how dare they? They should be banned from the league. They're Skip Bayless asshole is what they are. He's there. Skip Bayless and Skip Bayless. His kid got busted. They said, hey, Skippy, let's talk about it. Fuckhead.

Yeah, you frosty hair dildo. So, yeah, 2015, 16. He goes from place for the Catalans Dragons. So this is at the end of 2014 after the whole piss incident. He just moves to France where pissing on people is considered polite. That's how you greet them. It's considered polite behavior there. You hand them a bag, add a cigarette, and you piss in their face.

That's what you do. You piss right on them. You go, you like that? No? Good. That's what I was hoping for. Didn't want you to like it. So, yeah, in his second game for the Dragons,

he suffers broken ribs during a tackle by a former teammate. And the game ended in a tie anyway, so it didn't even matter. Now, October 2015, Todd sues the Sharks for almost $3 million for the remainder of his contract. And it goes nowhere. 2016, rugby players are still drunks, even though he's not in the league. They're still drunks. Pictures of Bulldogs players vomiting, passed out, and naked at a pub were splashed across the news in Sydney. This is the national rugby team Find Australia.

$250,000, and two players were charged by the police with this. How shit-faced do you have to be? Oh, they were naked in public, with this. How shit-faced do you have to be? Charged by the... Oh, they were naked in public, I guess. That'll do it. Yeah, the Bulldogs also fined these players a whole bunch of money, and they said the club accepts that the images and behavior from the team get-together on Monday were unacceptable

and a bad look for the game. I would say so. Jesus Christ. They were charged two men with willful and obscene conduct and will appear in court on october 24th uh the it's i guess uh this is known as mad monday it's the annual parties for the rugby league teams after their last name after their last game of the year so they have a giant blowout after the last game and that's when they get naked in public and throw up all over

each other and piss in their own mouths i guess i don't fucking know how that works uh yeah sounds like a party apparently one of the players for the bulldog stripped naked on the balcony of the pub in view of the public and another uh and another stripped and grabbed his genitals as he danced around so he was swinging his dick around as he was dancing which is always fun he's mars always always a good time everyone does that uh so and the nrl head todd greenberg said their behavior was embarrassing uh yeah embarrassingly said the club organized the event and failed to implement the most basic of measures to ensure it was conducted in an appropriate way i think it was appropriate for them they enjoyed it uh yeah so uh jesus christ one of these people who was involved in this

was a guy named this is amazing mitchell pierce who was caught on camera in 2016 staggering drunk this is one of those mad monday incidents oh yeah staggering around drunk launching into this is amazing quote an expletive laden rant about wanting to commit a sex act on a dog oh my god i want to fuck a dog that dog's cute wagon yeah he wagged that i'm gonna fuck it i'm gonna feast fucking wagon he just wants me to put it in his Cooper. He's like, look, it's right here.

I'm going to fuck that dog. Today. Was he talking about a dog or was he talking about a woman who he deems is a dog? Yeah. Well, my, I mean, my question is the dog. I'd have fucked her anyway. It would have been gross my thing is was he talking about it just i want to really fuck a dog right now or was he looking

at it like i want to fuck that dog was there a dog there that he was particularly sweet on or was there just throwing out like slang terms for sex yeah i. I want a Spider-Man that dog. I didn't even give it a good one. I'm a donkey puncher dog. I swear to God I will. Was he honed in on a specific, because that's worse, I feel like, if he wanted to fuck that dog rather than just, I feel like fucking a dog tonight. So that guy was suspended for eight games and fined $125,000 for wanting to fuck a dog. Wow.

Amazing. So, 2016 in December, Todd Carney now comes out and says he's willing to accept any conditions in order to have one last crack at the NRL. Yeah? Yeah. Anybody else? By the way, he's all set for a celebrity boxing match. Of course he is.

A charity boxing match against a retired NRL guy, Chris Sandow, who got arrested for fighting in pubs all the time. Awesome. So he's that guy here. So also, Sandow is also a mess here in the leagues. He's kicked out of this one and run away from that one. He says, quote, Karn says, if the NRL turns around and says, I have to do X, Y, and Z, I'm happy to accept whatever they want me to do to pull another NRL jumper and give it that one more crack. If a club's willing to sign me and put regulations on whatever the NRL wants to put forward, I'll put my hand up and say yes. And if it's a strict policy, I'm fine with that.

Now he's okay not drinking. But before, no. Both of these guys are going to box for the first time, by the way. He said that he'd only look at boxing for a charity event and i saw the boxing match and it was pretty sad and it was a draw oh boy a decision draw they're just like you're both terrible yay and the crowd looked very disappointed in everything that was going on even that tanya harding within her boxing match did did all right yeah i mean she gave an effort there was a winner i think it was her i think she did win but she seems mean yeah i would say

she hadn't even bothered to piss on the guy yeah he just kind of pissed on him what the fuck he had a super trick so uh yeah this this guy here uh carney said that he could never even recall throwing a punch in a rugby league game uh while uh sandow remembers punching a lot of people so it's a draw it's pretty fucking lame i mean it's sad i dude you should when you watch the crowd watch it you're just watching like the draw you see people like oh at least we'll get a decision and then they raise both their hands majority draw and you just see people go and just deflate you just feel bad for people who left the house and paid money and bought a ticket. Even though it's for charity,

you still want something if you left the house. I don't care about the money for the ticket. I'll just give that to charity, but I had to leave my house to fucking come here. That's a different story. Now you have to entertain me for that shit. You could have just had my money. I mean, I feel bad for all those people.

I feel bad for guys who have to bash their heads into each other their whole career, and now they have to box to stay relevant. I feel bad for guys who have to bash their heads into each other their whole career and now they have to box to stay relevant i feel bad for them but not nearly as bad as i feel for todd carney uh jd candidate at harvard law school wow cambridge massachusetts not bad todd carney senior software engineer at general dynamics in scottsdale, Arizona. Sorry, Todd. We could run into that guy. Todd Carney, senior bond trader at Sierra Pacific Securities. People trust him with their future. He does not piss in his own mouth, at least on film.

Maybe privately. The guy up there at Harvard probably did to get into a frat. Oh, he did, yeah. But they didn't take any pictures of him. Todd Carney, post-production supervisor at prometheus entertainment in california there and finally the most unlikely todd carney licensed mental health practitioner at new horizons of the treasure coast here's florida come on that's fucking beautiful man so uh 2017 here carney plays for the salford red devils signing was announced they said todd will be a vital part of our jigsaw and and uh and is a real statement of our intent he's a world-class player and match uh world-class player and match winner

we're delighted to get his signature and are greatly looking forward to the arrival. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. So he said it's a quality signing. This is fucking terrific. They said he's excited to come across and perform for the club. I told Todd what Salford was about these days. No ego, no favoritism shown. And we didn't want people who would damage our team or what we're all about.

I told him we were interested in signing him if he wanted to buy into our team ethos and prove to the boys that he wanted to play for the Salford Red Devils. Todd was very open with us about past demeanors and wanted to focus on getting his rugby career back on path. We believe if we can get him fully fit and running at teams, he will be a great asset for us to put in the competition. So they think that he signs uh the end of the year he signs a contract with uh queensland's queensland cup side of northern pride i don't know what the fuck that means uh he's northern pride he plays for uh in his first game in australia in four years he finally plays in february of 2018 uh but the uh the uh he ends up not getting it back into the nrl he wants to be in there but he doesn't uh uh now 2018 of march he there's a show called married at first sight yeah

i think they have it here too stupid one of those stupid shows fucking dumb where there's a guy they're trying to pick people and apparently uh there's one of these couples on there there was one of these ladies named suzy bradley who while she's on this show is also seen uh making out with todd carney and photographed and shared all over the place oh no so uh the pictures were taken and val right after valentine's day and the guy on the show billy was pissed was he mad he was shocked and humiliated like i kissed that woman. She kisses that piss mouth? Well, he pretty much says that.

He says, quote, what can I say? That's a really hard one for me. I have mixed feelings about that. He says, you can really see Susie's judge of character by the people she hangs around with. I treated her with respect. I look at the TV and go, why were you such a gentleman to her? He says, quote, dead eyes. Just a waste, just a real waste, a waste of energy. She has gotten everything that she wanted out of this experience.

She got the idiot football player. She got the fame and she got the Instagram likes out of it. Then he dropped the mic and fucking walked away. He says, then he said, quote, she loves the infamy. She's so resilient to all the negative press that she gets, and she's loving it. She then went on to say things will come out in the future because she says that Suzy and Todd Carney have been dating for much longer. And it's been hidden so she could be on this show. She says, quote, just say Carney goes back a bit further than they were dating longer than the media says.

So April of 2018, the next month, he's officially with that chick. Now it's official. They confirmed their relationship. She was gushing on Instagram, declaring her love in an Instagram post. She wrote, you are the most beautiful, understanding, impatient man I've ever known. That's what she wrote on the Instagram. All right. That's what she wrote on the Instagram. All right. That's that there.

So May 3rd, 2018, he says again, reiterates that he wants to come back to the NRL. He says he insists that the game's bosses would see he's a changed man if only they give him a chance and keep out of the bathroom. He says that it's put him a bit closer to a comeback. He said, but he says, quote, that's one of the big reasons why I says that it's put him a bit closer to a comeback he said but uh he says quote that's one of the big reasons why i want to come back and play not to be remembered for the so-called bubbler i don't want to be the bubbler guy well you are even if you played another

20 years you're still that hall of fame guy who pissed in his mouth that time he says for them the boss is to sit there in front of me and let me explain what happened in the past four years and where I'm at. I'm pretty sure they would see it's a different Todd. Different Todd. I am good now. Don't you fucking hear me? I'm good now. Jesus Christ.

He believes he can still match up in the NRL. He says, I'm not going to blame anything I did on being young. I was stupid. I think I've become a better player, a smarter player player i definitely think i can still handle the nrl so he plays for after this 2018 the north queensland cowboys which sounds like a gay porn series north queensland cowboys part six it really does here that is disturbing it just sounds really yeah so they talked about playing their townsville this town had a held a town meeting with the with the team's coaching staff local journalists and police to discuss the possibility of signing him if they have to have a whole town meeting about you

with everyone they have the librarian there what's your opinion on todd well i don't want him pissing in the library so uh yeah they have all that and uh they said that he's alluded to his hunger to return and uh he wants to do this so the mayor this is a a fucking woman who runs a city i love this woman mayor jenny hill says quote you know how it works up we are like new york city we take in the battered and the distressed we feed them we nurture them we win fucking premier ships that's what the mayor said she compared this place to new york city and then said the f word what a great lady i love this gutless lady then she says

we will look after this boy and that all comes down to whether or not you people journalists and police are willing to turn a blind eye when we tell you to do you want to see the finals dash this year she's got a sense of humor this fraud yeah she's like you you'll let him go out and run amok does she do does she do crack or anything like she sounds like rob ford she's that's what she sounds like came out and was like crazy that lady that said i wanted to eat her pussy no i got enough to eat at home yeah that's that's what she's doing. We win fucking premiership. She said, I don't care. Wow.

That's amazing. I guess so. But by May 2nd, he left the Cowboys to return to Sydney for family reasons because he's not allowed to talk to them.

Then 2018, he plays for the North Sydney Bears, which is definitely a gay porn series. Without a doubt, we've discussed that. He signs a deal there we've discussed that. He signs a deal there.

The other team, the Northern team, was demanding $150,000 for compensation and relocation costs from somebody. Their chief executive said, Carney doesn't owe us money, but we want compensation. We paid him an amount to relocate here, and we want refunded once they pay we'll clear him so they're not releasing his contract for another team until that's paid to them naturally we're chasing a number of people and when todd agreed we concentrated on him thinking he would be here long term i've spoken to his manager so that's where things are at now so uh this is blocked and carney refuses then they said how about fifteen thousand dollars and he said no so they went all right fuck off then i'm not gonna release you this guy just doesn't listen i'll drink and i won't sign shit and i'll do what i want uh so yeah uh so uh he signed a short-term contract at hull kingston rovers which is an English rugby league, to play for Hull

there until the end of 2018. November 1st, 2018, he decides that he says that he has shelved his plans to return to the NRL and signed up to be the captain coach of the Byron Bay Red Devils.

So he's going to be the captain coach. They said they were looking forward to welcoming him to the North Coast. We've been in talks with Todd on and off for a few months. We've known each other for a while now, and I'd suggest it to him when he was finished with the NRL, he should come to Byron Bay. It's lucky that the Devils are based in Byron. It's a good draw card.

This is life after football, and I think it's a great thing for our club. He's also playing, so I don't know about that. Yeah, so he's doing that. He says that the team's leader, the guy who runs it, the fucking president said, yes, he's had ups and downs and there have been some issues for him in the past,

but he's a good bloke and his heart's in the right place to have someone of his caliber is a huge boost. It's massive news for us. He came in and inspected the grounds and was impressed. We've done a lot of work recently. We've painted the clubhouse. We have new amenities and a new electronic scoreboard and upside-down urinals.

He's going to love it here. Fucking perfect. So that's what he's doing, apparently, as of now, is player managing the Red Devils. And I don't know. That's what he's doing today? I guess so, yeah. That was as of late 2018, early 2019. So that's what he's doing.

That's Todd Carney. That's Australia. What a mouth-pisser. Where people piss in each other's mouths, or their own mouths, to celebrate. It is upside down. Not as a punishment. It is upside down.

That's true. So maybe it's a lot easier to do that australia is the upside down it's the upside down where people piss in their mouths instead of there that would be the only thing scarier yeah about there i think oh my your piss goes up if no if about the upside down yeah it's like they're they're exploring all the kids like season fucking two they're in the tunnels there and they're like are they are the demogorgons pissing in their own mouths all right i'm leaving i was fine to fight these fucking things we're gonna set them all on fire and but 11's on her own with the gate i can't deal with this shit they're pissing this

is gross so uh yeah that's todd carney and that's rugby that we know nothing about and uh i hope you enjoyed that i did yeah i did i thought he was we've never had that before. Pretty nuts. If you did enjoy it, I know how you can tell us about it. You can head over to Apple Podcasts, the purple icon. You can give us five stars. Tell us you're following instructions, following directions.

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and hopefully then they will listen to it, which is the goal here. Also, go to shutupandgivememurder.com. Lots of stuff there. T-shirts, all new stuff is up. Tickets to live shows. I don't know if the live show is sold out. Not sure.

It's going to be very, very close, so I would definitely get your tickets immediately to that if you want to go, because if you're saying, I'm going to wait a couple weeks, the tickets won't be there. Let's see. I have the number right in front of me, actually.

Actually, it's just over 40. So, yeah. Almost gone. That's gone, basically. It's 40 tickets, so get your tickets immediately. They'll probably be gone tomorrow. So do that.

Come see all the damn live shows that we can. Follow us on social media. We are at Crime and Sports on Twitter and Facebook and at Small Town Murder on Instagram. While you're on the site there, too, you can find all of that, social media and everything. You can also find how to donate to us and be one of our producers who we're just about to talk about and talk about how wonderful they are and how much we love them.

You can do that very easily by going to Patreon dot com slash crime and sports or heading over to PayPal and using our email address. Crime and sports at Gmail dot com. Like I said, both of those can be reached right from shut up and give me murder dot com. Without further ado, Jimmy, I need it. It cheers me up. It makes me feel good all over. Hit me with that list like a stream of piss. This week's executive producers are The Charlie Project and Megan Good.

She puts together a database. It's like the second largest database of missing people. Good for you, Megan. Good stuff. James Lucchese, Carrie Clark, Silky jensen uh she told me how to pronounce that and that that's not it uh my silky jensen sounds like a dave chapelle character at the player haters ball silky jensen hate hate hate mike ecklund rick uh rick sikorski lisa jensen samantha landis uh andrew uh cordovas uh brendan uh clo Clohessy, and Christine Lally.

I think it's Lally. It might be Callie. God damn it. How do I do that every week? I don't know. You should wear underwear with dick holes in them. That's the best line. Not the person you just said.

Silky Jensen would have said that about right there. Thank you guys so much for everything you do. Other producers this week are Neil Campbell. Happy birthday. Ashley Lunsford. Tanya Romisher. Romisher? about right so much for everything you do other producers this week are neil campbell happy birthday uh ashley lunsford uh tanya uh romisher rumisher uh again i'm an asshole uh and and fairy caitlin fralick uh cindy elliott uh morgan haynes uh manion yes uh carolyn jackson uh lalama uh that's that's that's a hyphenated name i think carolyn jackson lalama uh lily frank uh michael nutt nicole revis jill knapp uh joshua doyle jeff huber alexandra feliciano uh sarah

wetmore laura mckelly michelli uh dustin say uh danny furlon uh travis shaffer jura jura freeman Travis Schaefer, Jura Freeman, Arda Cialava, Casey Handel, Hallie Franks, David DeBlaker, Stephanie May, Jessica Gonzalez, Jade Winarski, You had to turn the key a couple times. There we go. Turn it over. Allie Madden, Tiffany Summers, Rachel Tanner, Lauren Moore, Snoop and Bald Eagle, Olivia Herman, Jake Elliott, Stephanie Dupois, Susan Duquette, Austin Nearing, Heather Elizabeth, Mike Singer, Jessica Stewart, Megan with no last name, Alisa Arsenault, Melissa Small, Mike Singer, Jessica Stewart, Megan with no last name, Alisa Arsenault, Melissa Small, Nancy Ehlers, Aoife Leakey, Maggie Smith, Emily Eldridge, Carrie Hobbs, Jessica with

no last name, Adrian Perry, Tyler Sheldon, Eric Hero, Aaron Parker,, Hero or Hero. You're a goddamn hero to us. Aaron Parker. Tyler Sheldon. Eric, oh, I said that. Annie R. Rhiannon Garrett. Ryan Milligan. Danielle Hanson.

Joe Cassidy. Justin Hinkle. Paul Landis. Victoria Eves. Katie Vance. Ann Campbell. Zoe Bednacek. Bednacek?

I think so. Sure. I don't know. Bednacek, I think so. Sure. I don't know, Bednacek. Hey, Bednacek. Tara, no last name, Jeremy Compton, Tanya Alboney, Tommy Aguilar, Nicola Mastrantonio, Mastrantonio, that's what that is. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, like the chick from the 80s. Yeah, like the 80s actress with the big hair.

Right, from fucking Robin Hood, right? Hey, was she in Robin Hood? I think so. I guess so. so yeah she was the love interest yeah whatever uh lena lena mason kristin sessor sessic sessor sessor it's a story of 16th century england where kevin costner goes out with a spanish chick it's pretty rad it's very it's very it's very edgy uh hillary klanowski uh paul weigel jeff skiner dana, Dana Papalia, Megan with no last name, Rohit Sharma. Rohit Sharma. I'm not going to fucking try to culture it up like I know what I'm talking about.

Like I know how to whatever that is. Probably for the best. Probably. Christy Corbeil, Cole Bressler, Patty Trofoney, Van Honeys Coneys. Van Honeys Coneys? Oh, and something else, and I couldn't see what the rest of it was. I don't know what it is. I'm so sorry, Van. Kelly Trainor, Max with no last name, Mary Carmody, Carmody Trotman, Lori, Carmody, that's

what that is, I think. Lori with no last name, Sarah Reichert, and the homestretch. Here we go. This is going to be a motherfucker uh mckenna mckenna farmer elizabeth yarwood carrie no carrie isaacson kyle andrew mooney uh david cohen jeff thompson ayala tiffin tiffin broon that's what it is margaret brady uh total axe that's a place where you can go throw axes and shit i think it's in detroit it might just be in Michigan. Sounds fun for some reason.

Julie. Julie. Jordan Bennett. Dana Grace and Dana. How are you? Boney Santa. Boney Santa Maria. I don't know what that is.

That right. It might be wrong. Benjamin Wilkinson. Catherine Parent Parental. Natalie with no last name. Crystal Walker. Philip Close. Thomas Smith.

Gary Howard. Gabija. Gabija. Vicente. Vicente. Fucking Vaseline. No. uh natalie with no last name crystal walker philip close thomas smith gary howard gabija gabija vicente of fucking that's vaseline no vase and vacinate gabba g i don't know what just happened sloan tate justin miller troy lindsey christine crew look i'm just blasting through at this point i'm like look i'm look like an asshole. I'll just look like a real asshole. Just plow through. Adam Udani, Amanda Tucker, I think. No, yes.

Christine Crew, Emily Richmond, Elizabeth Gamble, Callie Shinkunas. See, I can knock that one out. No problem. Melissa McCutcheon, Deborah Haley, Ashley Veo, Rachel Greco, Jenna Senevieve. Nope, but we'll see you in milwaukee yeah uh diane durbin connie snow uh taylor laura uh no cara cara oh that's caracciolo hey that's what that is caracciolo i like that one uh does it say jeff connor i did con over sunny johansson brendan ables jesse hartman megan wick uh dylan jenkins caitlin

wilhelm jackie sukup uh robin anderson uh joe joe wine burner uh jessica moss uh allison gorman no german that's what that is uh david bernhardt sally norris elizabeth uh nitros no night nigros that's what that is all right yeah nigros no oh it's Nigros. That's what that is. Yeah, right. Yeah, Nigros. Nigros? Oh, it's just Nigro. That's what it is. Oh. Because she said it's pronounced like Nitro.

So now every time I put a little T in there to try to remind me, and it never works. So Savannah Shahan, Lubinka Duzel, Liz Vasquez, Tyler Guil, Emanuel Christian, Stephen Rood, Mark Foster, Algena Huber, Peyton Meadows, over at Pele Medical Spa up in New Hampshire. My girl went and got her eyelashes done by the girl there. Anyway, she listens to the show, so thank you. And then all of our Patreon supporters. You guys really make a difference, and we can't thank you enough. Thank you, everybody, so much for everything that you do for us.

We can't do this without you. You've changed lives. Thank you. It's absolutely the truth on crime and sports. Thank you so much for everything that you do for us. We love you. And what if people wanted to do something for you, Jimmy? How could they find you to do that?

You can find me at WismanSucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks, on Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat. And I appreciate everything you guys do for me. It's really, it makes a difference. So thank you. Where can they find you? Definitely can find me at Jimmy P is funny. Or just copy and paste my last name from the show description. That might make it a lot easier to work with.

And yeah, do that. Follow us. Keep hanging out. Keep coming back week after damn week because we're not going to stop going. We're going to keep showing up, whether you do or not. So you might as well be here, too. Makes it more fun. Until then, everybody, live from the Crime and Sports studios, we will see you next week.

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