Crime in Sports - #186 - He Offers No Apologies... Or Candy - The Pleasantness of Albert Belle

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

This week, we duck flying objects as we look at a man who exhibited behavior that can be described best as "aggressive", and at worst as "insane". He was an eagle scout, and an honor student, but he unleashed a real fury when he played... and the rest of the time, too. No one was safe, teammates, thermostats, clubhouses, girlfriends, strangers, fans, trick or treaters, Hannah Storm, it really didn't matter. This guy was a general menace, and it's simply hilarious! Be one of the best hitters ever, do more stupid things than can possibly be justified, and always chase children with your car with Albert Belle!! Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!! Contact us on... twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Discover all the best in audiobooks, podcasts, and originals featuring authentic Canadian voices and celebrity talent, like Brendan Fraser and Luke Kirby's latest sci-fi adventure, The Downloaded. A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, Strange, Dark, and Mysterious Stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. name is james petra gallo i'm

here with my co-host i am jimmy wissman thank you folks so much for joining us today we're excited today this is we have a a really an extra crazy episode it's one of those ones of a it's a pretty prominent guy especially in the 90s if you knew him and very good at what he did and uh we'll get to it in a second but it's a wild jesus christ it's a guy that everybody remembers as an asshole yeah and then when you dig deeper you go wow he's even bigger of an asshole than i thought he was that's amazing usually you dig deeper and you go oh he's not that bad of a guy it's just like one quote was taken out of context or one story got blown up or something but nope nope there's actually way more that seem to be covered up

somehow we're not covered up but just not really looked at really covered because he's such an asshole oh boy certain people if you're if you're enough of an asshole people aren't surprised when you do asshole things yeah so they don't even really pay attention anymore because they're just expecting it from you whereas if you're you know when tiger woods does crazy shit back in the day people were like tiger black tiger he drives a buick for christ's sake not my tiger it's just a different story where you know still a man oh christ where yeah where mike tyson does something crazy and people don't remember it the next day because like was that yesterday or five years ago i don't remember because it happens all the time it's one of those things the guy from the hangover no yeah

he was so funny and hilarious he seems was hilarious. He seems calm now. Does Tai Chi and shit. But never mind all that. First off, I want to thank everyone for your reviews last week, your Apple podcast, that purple icon, that pesky purple icon. The bitch. Those reviews, they help a lot. I don't know why.

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We're going to baseball this week. And it's Albert Bell. Oh. You remember Albert Bell? Yeah. Nasty hitter. There you go. You remember that.

And the Blue Jays? No. No. Where's the Blue Jays? Did he only play in Cleveland? No. He played for three different teams. That's not one of them. Definitely not the, he played for three different teams. No.

That's not one of them. Definitely not the Expos. Not the Expos, no. No, I got nothing. Chicago and Baltimore. White Sox or Cubs? White Sox. Really?

Yes, White Sox and Baltimore, too. No shit. At the end, obviously. Well, there wasn't. You'll see. He wasn't around. He didn't linger off at the end. No?

There was an injury. We'll talk about it here. Albert Bell, if you don't know him, he's known as one of the games. Honestly, he's known as like, you would think he's kind of like the poor man's Barry Bonds in terms of attitude. That's how people think of him. That's his image. He's Cleveland Barry Bonds.

Yeah, exactly. Barry Bonds, his dad was a major leaguer. His godfather's Willie Mays. Barry Bonds is kind of like baseball royalty, whereas Albert Bell is not baseball royalty. Cleveland? Cleveland? He's Cleveland. Barry Bonds.

Barry Bonds. Or Shreveport Barry Bonds. Oh, really? Because that's where he's from. So, yeah, Shreveport Barry Bonds here. Jesus. But the attitude on him is really what it seems to be what quote held him back is in terms of really endorsements money uh hall of fame consideration you name it like it's hitting

son of a bitch oh he was oh boy oh boy you cannot be underestimated how amazing of a player albert bell was we'll talk about all through this and uh let's do it it's albert juwan bell oh junior now not surprised no i saw that and i went literally i'm by myself two o'clock in the morning and i'm like looking i just went yep that's right like it was like my guy like when a scientist is checking a theory that he thought you know and he's just making sure and he's's like, okay, exactly the results I had. I put my lab. That's exactly what I expected. I took my glasses off. I don't even wear glasses, but I took them off in a big motion and unbuttoned my lab coat.

And I was like, yes. My work is done here. Work is done for the night here. I think this is, he's a junior. And Juwan is not your, I guess, traditional Juwan spellings that you would imagine. J-U-W-A-N. Those are the Ju juans i've known growing up and shit like that there's different ones uh no this is a i've never seen this one

before is it j-e-w hyphen o-n juan what the hell is that i don't know juan it's like an order the hyphen made sure you couldn't even pronounce it juan it's got to be juan well why is it what's on why why on the jew why him why does he have to have it on him what's it's fucked up man no this his his spelling is jo that's the joe part that's joe j-o and then juan like his name is what like j-u-a-n oh yeah joe one one word joan now that that is way worse than j-e-w-i-n-o-n i don't even know where how the fuck did his parents come up with that is that like spanish joanne what they're not spanish at all that's what i mean there's no explanation for

this whatsoever except that's how they spelled it and i am and there are almost two of those but that's what i'm saying and by the time i got to Albert Joanne, Joe Juan, Bell Jr., I was like, I might as well just stop here. We'll just talk about this for an hour and a half because this is insanity. Good Lord. Joe Juan. Joe Juan. Wow.

Yes. That is amazing. So in the beginning of his career and all through his younger years, he goes by Joey always, not Albert. Yeah, Albert comes later on. We'll tell you a specific incident prompts Albert. But yeah, he goes by Joey, which is Joe. Could have went by Juan, too, but it would have looked odd.

Fucking hysterical. Yeah. So old Joey. We're going to call him Joey for now. And then when he switches to Albert, we'll switch to Albert, I guess. So he's Joey now. The Wizard of Oz moment. That's what I mean.

So Joe Juan here. Joey is a twin, actually. What? Joey has a fraternal twin named Terry, who is four minutes older than him. Wait. Terry's the older one. He's the second one born.

He's the second twin. And he got the junior, which is really strange. And it's strange. I get naming your firstborn junior. It's always odd, I find, when they name. Well, I guess not, because sometimes you'll have your firstborn, and you'll name it after your father that just died, or somebody will name it after a family member that just died.

Then the next one will get junior. But it's just strange to have twins and be like, Terry, and this one's just like me. This one. This one and Terry. He's being lifted up like Simba, and then Terry gets pushed. Come on, Terry, damn it. You're blocking the sunshine.

Get out of the way, Terry. You're blocking your brother's sunshine. Get out of the way. The monkey's got a rubbed shirt on his face. Fuck, Terry. Move along. So you're not anointing terry with shit i hope terry is successful as fuck today he does pretty well we'll talk about terry um

he had his ups and downs we'll say talk about terry so terry starting from birth he got a down well yeah i would say i got kicked down uh august 25th 1966, they're born in Shreveport, Louisiana, down there. Now, his father, Albert Joanne Belch, Sr. I'm going to put that in wherever I can because it's really ridiculous, is a high school baseball and football coach and a teacher as well. Oh, he's that guy. He's that guy. And, yeah, all about coaching and all about academics, too.

Academics are the thing in his family. Really? His family is not a... I mean, they're in sports. Albert's all about that. But if your grades aren't right, you're not doing anything. I mean, your grades are first and foremost, and you're going to excel.

It's not like you've got to pass. I expect you to be at the top of the's i i expect you to be advanced at the top of the class i expect you to be to do extracurriculars that have to do with scholastic things not just sports like they're really into it uh his mother carrie is a math teacher so yeah they're not messing around with this they they raise these kids to uh you know very yes sir no ma'am do your, get your shit done. Southern regiments. Yeah, just good parents.

They raise their kids well. He is a Boy Scout and then an Eagle Scout. Oh, what? Albert Bell's an Eagle Scout. Now, I don't even know where to start with that. That should just be the name of the episode. People go, Albert Bell's a fucking Eagle Scout. Because that makes, if you know who Albert Bell is bell as you go huh what that makes no sense whatsoever

that's pretty incredible you would think what did he get he got his badge in forest burning like he was mad and set the trees on fire that i could say okay that would sounds like albert bell but other than that i don't see him tying knots well and his last name bell is is like southern right yeah yeah like a fascinating yeah like uh beauty and the beast bell right there you go yeah uh so yeah an eagle scout he is which is just so weird i'm impressed so far oh no there's no reason in the world that this man should be a dickhead there is so much to be impressed about with this guy that's the thing everything except kind of attitude and a few decisions this guy has is an exemplary figure of, you know, if you work hard and blah, blah, blah.

Right. You know what I'm saying? Except for he's an asshole. His little league coach said you couldn't ask for nicer boys about Terry and Joey. Even Terry. Even Terry. Terry's not even a schmuck. He'd think he'd have a chip on his shoulder.

A little bit. I'm Terry and I'm angry, damn it Terry. Terry's not even a schmuck. He'd think he'd have a chip on his shoulder. A little bit. I'm Terry and I'm angry, damn it. I was born first. Fuck. I'm the Danny DeVito. That's not fair. So he said, quote, they said yes, sir, and no, sir, and they respected everyone so much, he said.

So he said, and this is well, after Joey, I'll call him Joey for now. After Joey was even a major leaguer, the little league coach said he still got visits from Joey when he'd be back home. No kidding. Still come see his, uh, Jean Procell, his little league coach. They, uh, they're raised in a very strict household. These boys, it's Baptist. Yeah.

They're Baptist boy. And they are, they don't fuck around. It's Baptist. Like, you know, they take that shit seriously and you do your homework and you go to church okay and that's what they did uh yeah albert senior was coaching everything and uh they said that the boy's life was basically it was uh all about respecting people and uh very old school they raised them sort of they said that little league coach said quote i don't recall joey and terry ever being in a situation where their parents

had to get on them like they just never did anything wrong because they knew better i think there was consequences yeah you got an answer for this shit and yeah they knew better than that he says uh joey uh here he says quote i was blessed to grow up with parents who professed different strengths and skills. He said, Mom was and still is the glue of the family, but Dad was the enforcer and the silent pillar of strength. Mom encouraged academics and culture, and Dad always promoted athletics. Both gave me and my brother all they had. So, yeah, they were, I i mean you can tell just by his quotes that he's not a fucking moron right like we've done 185 episodes there's a lot of morons that

we've done tons of guys idiot or asshole oh yeah idiot or asshole 100 asshole if we do this there's no he's not he's zero percent idiot albert bell that's what makes me think that that's what i don't understand about him because i feel like a guy this smart should be smart enough to calculate how he needs to act at least for that five minutes and then go do whatever the hell he needs to do to blow off the steam i understand because i understand being pissy and i under dude you know me i'm a pissy motherfucker and that's why it's okay to be angry yeah it depends on how you fucking channel the anger that's the thing i relate to albert bell in many ways not talent obviously but you know other ways as far as his feelings i feel like he has a lot of times

the the guys we do and the women we do they do shit where they're they're whatever they did when they set out to do it their feel it wasn't a good path to start on. And then they just got made it worse. Whereas Albert is he could be better. And I feel like he he starts out. It's almost it has to be almost on purpose. I don't even know how to put it like it's he could be he could he smart enough to not do this to himself, which makes me angry at him and also makes me not understand what he's doing and i tried to have like my own thoughts of like how would i react to that and

i'm like because i'd have similar thoughts like i said a valid feeling to start with but then handling it completely wrong okay i mean i'm reserving judgment just because i never i at this point in the story i don't have i never had that life like having two supportive people at home no no no one that was like a bad bitch in the first place it sounds like she's like she's great at guiding him then she's just like and when he extra fucks up she's like wait till your daddy gets home wait till he hears about yeah it's it's but it's like how okay when we went to st louis say and we had to go to a venue that we didn't really like and we did this venue and we walked in and we didn't care for it, we said what we didn't like about it, and we were pointing out what's bad for the show, and this projector sucks,

and this is bad, and I don't like these chairs. Okay, that's how we reacted to it, which we had a valid feeling, and we reacted to it in a way that was okay for everybody. We didn't kick anybody in the chest or do anything like that. Didn't throw anything. That's what i mean see albert bell would have walked in saw that fucking kicked all the plastic chairs over through the projector on the ground and then said what motherfucker what are you gonna do about it you know what i mean and like you know broke a couple of bottles behind the bar or something just to piss somebody off whereas that's your you started

out with a valid feeling and you're right and then you got wrong in the way you handled it. So that's kind of the crux of what he does. His reactions are not great. Yeah, the way he reacts to things are not wonderful. So they said that the father pushed them in athletics a lot. Albert, or Joey, says, quote, To this day, I believe my late-night batting practices during my high school years were what made the difference in helping me arrive at the major leagues. After high school baseball practice, I go home eat dinner and tackle homework

dad would usually arrive home after a long practice with his high school team after talking to mom for a few minutes he would poke his head in our room that was our signal my brother and i would immediately immediately bounce up and jog out of the house to the local junior high school with dad driving behind us dad would throw throw us hundreds of balls all night long. What? So that is next level supportive. Yeah. That's how you make guys

who hit like Albert Bell. Yeah. It's not, you can't, that just doesn't happen. That's not natural talent. Someone has to throw that kid a hundred fucking balls every night. All night long.

All night long. After work and all day and the goddamn sun blowing whistles at somebody else's baseball practice getting home coming home and just doing balls throwing them balls till they couldn't swing their arms anymore basically to to get them how much does dad love sports he loves sports and they love their kids that's the thing too they put everything they have into their kids uh albert ended up going to huntington high school in shreveport he played baseball and football he is the uh member of the national honor society as well oh yeah no his grades were nhs this guy top notch wow

vice president of the future business leaders of america as well of the local chapter there so uh yeah and an eagle scout remember eagle scout national honor society vice president future business leaders of america my he is busy he's like a he's like a bush kid before they find alcohol it's like i don't know what you know he has literally no time for anything to no wonder he's not in trouble he doesn't have time for it he has no time to be in trouble. He has only time to show up places, do work, and hustle ass to the next place and eat, basically. So people say that they were very competitive in high school, him and his brother. Not just with each other, but with everybody.

They're competitors. That's one thing. And their dad instilled that in them. And their mom, we'll talk about. Their mom is a great mom, but's a she's tough she's tough and it would be taxing to deal with her basically it's a it's a later on in life when she's still kind of uh she's still kind of overbearing she's overbearing but she's in control of all his finances later on and all and it's very much it's it's very he'll see taxing is the only word i can

think of but she's a math teacher so that's kind of a good she's not at least she can balance his checkbook you'll see at the end here he's not broke so that's good his mom did something is his brother's real name terry terry oh that's fucked oh yeah yeah imagine being six and being called terry terry there's a lot of terry's though out there really terry's a common name is that their real name 60s there's a lot there's a lot of guys named terry in the 80s and 90s that were born in the 60s. Terry was a very popular name in the 60s. Is that a hippie name?

I don't know, but I would like to look up. No, it's mostly black guys that I see named Terry. But usually they're Terrence. But they go by Terry. Yeah. I don't know if his brother's Terrence or Terry. I mean, a six going by Terrence isn't so hard as Terry. It's kind of weird.

I don't know. Terrence? Terrence? It's a little formal for a six-year-old. Terrence, fix your ascot. Jesus, we're going to dinner. I'd rather hear Terrence than fucking Terry. Act like we're just sitting in the parlor drinking brandy, for God's sake.

Terry's a 52-year-old man's name. Fix your ascot. You're an adorable blonde. I think of Terry Porter. All right. I think of him. i think of the rest of the terror terry taylor you know guys like that so a teammate of theirs in uh baseball in high school says quote chess ping pong basketball video games reading you name it they hated to lose and looking back you can see patterns from the competitiveness that have creeped into the way Joey is perceived today. This is later on.

At one point, they said, this is crazy, that they were so focused and determined to be the best at Ms. Pac-Man that they figured out all the patterns. Like, if you've ever seen the King of Kong, everybody's always asking for documentaries. King of Kong is a great one. I don't give a shit about competitive video game playing. I've seen that. These guys, but it's amazing. There's a villain. The guy dresses and looks like a villain.

He's a total asshole, and they found out now he's a fraud. I don't know if you saw. Is he really? Oh, yeah. Not Steve Weeby. The other guy, I believe, is allegedly, I guess. I think they found out, whatever.

But I don't know if he's a litigious guy. A fraud in the game? Yeah, yeah. He was submitting fraudulent shit. Remember the thing where he wouldn't do anything live because he would just submit these crazy videos. And they would say, oh, it's confirmed. And yeah, I guess there was a problem there. There was some issue.

But anyway, King of Kong is a great documentary. And that's kind of what they were doing with the patterns figuring them all out so they could play forever uh their friend said quote they had the patterns figured out to the point they could play an hour on one quarter that's impressive that's what i mean so that's very cool the kind of focus they have when they want to take something apart and figure it out yeah they do it there are guys that do that shit on youtube and it's pretty impressive that's what i mean it. It is impressive, because you just have to, basically, you have to be on the spectrum of some kind, too. Like, when you watch Steve Weeby, you're like,

oh, this guy is 100%. I watch him, and I'm like, oh, he's like grown-up my son, basically. Like the grown-up version of him. So it totally makes sense. You said a minute ago, reading. They're competitive with... Competitive with reading. How do you competitive competitive with reading how do you get to read to read faster faster and still like know everything about it wow and shit like that like it's just everything they are it's competitive that's ridiculous even

academically now uh everything the hard work joey here says about his mother quote she instilled that in us and i've never missed time from work except for five hours when I'd eaten something bad from the night before, is what Terry says, not Joey, sorry. And then I guess Joey also here, crazy work ethic, same type of thing. He says books were always important. You know, there was no, you couldn't focus on just one thing. You had to do, you had to hit all night, but you better you better work you know you better be focusing on your school work too uh now his high school huntington high school he's the only alumni ever to reach the majors from that high school that i found yeah he is uh like i said

uh he's an all-state baseball player there national honor society you know yada yada uh his mother says quote joey is extremely smart he's great with figures and crossword puzzles he could spell backwards when he was five did you know my joey was an eagle scout he took french in high school finished sixth finished sixth in his class of 266 i brought him up to excel in everything he wants to be perfect yeah that's what she said in the spell like in 1991 backwards when he was five? He could spell words backwards. Backwards and forwards. What the fuck? Yeah, so you know them better.

That's how, yeah. Wow. If you practice that, you're going to know them even better. So he'd go, well, fuck, I'll go practice that at five because that's what I got to do. Wow. That's what I mean. I could barely spell the word backwards at five. That's what I mean.

Yeah, you'd go, there'd be pauses. Did I do it? Huh? Put your hands out. Huh? Right? Right? I'm good at this, right?

No? Fuck. I thought I was good at this. Apparently not here. He, in 1984, he is selected to play for the United States in the Junior Olympics, and they win a silver medal there. So, I mean, let's see, Eagle Scout, National Honor Society. What was the other one?

Oh, Future Business Leaders of America. Vice President. Vice President. Medal-winning Junior Olympian. Let's add this to it. So, so far, he sounds like basically Captain America. Yeah. Like he could be, you'd put him up and go, this is an American child.

This is the perfect American child. If he goes over and just, if he could just go, you know, kill someone else, an enemy of some kind, they would put him on a fucking, on money.

With a shield. He'd be replacing Andrew Jackson. Just Albert Bell with his face up so uh he played outfield and he pitched also back then he's got a cannon for an arm by the way oh yeah in right field he's got a cannon for an arm yeah big time arm uh he pitched and played in the outfield he won one game as a pitcher in the in the o Junior Olympics. And then after graduation, he is offered, and this is not easy to get. This is a prestigious thing. These schools are tough to get into. He's offered an appointment to the United States Air Force Academy.

Is that real? That's real. And that doesn't happen often. That's, like I said, West Point Air Force Naval Academy. They're all difficult. And he's offered a spot there. And he says, nah. No, thanks.

No, thanks. I don't think so. I'm too American for that. He could have then flew a goddamn fighter pilot. He could have literally changed his name to Joe Juan America. And they would have said, great, perfect. Give him a sunglass, a helmet with a flag on it and i swear to christ he could have been he would have been president by now yeah you know or something a congressman a senator at

least a senator i feel like you know i'm a district congressman for sure some shit he's incredible oh impressive young man right are you impressed with this guy 19 18 years old he's done 10 times more than i've done in my entire life by 18 i still can't even spell as well as him he's got me beat at five i'm catching up to five-year-old albert joan bell you understand still i'm working on that so junior so when i talk shit about him i understand where our place is we get it right we know we know he's talented and smart and we're idiots and we're not talented but he's also a fucking moron that gets arrested all the time so let's find out guess who doesn't have an arrest record that's the other thing yeah especially not

for the shit he has because there's there's some things that are fine and we'd say that all the time and for the i'm gonna say this for the last fucking time yeah nobody messaged especially me i don't know if they messaged jimmy but especially me because i'm gonna start answering from now on do not message me saying isn't it a little hypocritical to be friendly with lenny dykstra on twitter and and like said that fuck yeah i've gotten messages like i don't know man i mean it's kind of a little hypocritical You can talk shit about him. And I'm like, no, you fucking idiots. You don't get it. You don't get it. You don't fucking get it. Okay.

We're I'm not perfect. No, Jimmy's not perfect. Oh, boy. No, we're not. I'm not. I don't judge people on shit. And there's certain things. If someone's like a child molester, I'm not going to hang out with them.

I'm a piece of shit. They're murder or something like that. But even then, I've known people. I'm not going to say who, but I've known people who were fucking murderers that didn't murder me and were in you know other whatever and i'd still be friends with them yeah that's the thing most of my friends growing up none of them were were good none of them were joey bell no in school none of them i had no friends like that no my they were all fucking fuck up and you know in and out of jail and shit like that's so it's fine like we're i don't judge people on shit

unless it's something that i can't morally handle and even murder in certain capacities which i'm not saying i'm talking very specific oh boy yeah and if you knew what i was talking about you'd understand what i was saying but like murdering a drug dealer who happens to be maybe a murderer, too. It's all in the game. It's an Omar thing at that point. You know what I mean? There's an all in the game factor to certain shit. But other than that, like, I can't I can't I can't judge people based on that and say

I would never I would never give that person the time of day or if they talk to me, I go, fuck you, man. Like, I'm not going to do that. Other point is when he listens to the show, he a funny fucking guy knows what he's done he knows who he is and he's a funny guy and i think i like the fucking guy sorry on it yeah you know what we're all working on it you got a problem with it eat shit i don't know what to tell you how great must it be to live in your ivory palace that must be incredible we're not perfect no we know it and we're happy to say it and we're're happy to go, well, like we said, we're

going to make fun of Albert Bell even though he's way smarter and more talented than us. We realize that. It's interesting, though, to point out to Lenny Dykstra that his life is not how he planned it would go. He knows that. He's very well aware of that. He's aware of that, yeah. The man dug through a trash can to find his teeth.

I'm sure that- He fucking knows what's teeth. I'm sure that he fucking knows. I'm sure the thought this isn't where I thought my life would be. That's through his head at that moment. I don't. You know what, though? If it did, it's very fleeting because that's no. But I mean, that's the thing about Lenny is he goes tomorrow. I have it's going to be a brand new day.

This whole thing is going to turn around because that's how you have to be. You can't be a good hitter if you go in. If you have one bat at bat and go into shits and then you just go well i guess this is where i am now i guess i suck now i guess i don't hit curveballs anymore if anyone throws me a curveball i guess i just i'm done that's it like you can't do that you have to go well that never happened i'll be back in two fucking innings to make it better that's the attitude you have to have and that's what it is the man. The psychopathy is fascinating. It is what it is. I mean, you have to do it. Certain people, professional athletes that are great on that level have to have that.

It's just the way it is. And a lot of people in life have to have that success with people, too. It's the same shit. How many times have we seen comedians? If comedians weren't crazy and have that insanity, they would have one bad set and go, oh, Jesus, I guess. We've all had a bad night oh boy it's that mediocre night where you're like i really thought that joke kills all the time and uh oh boy i guess i'm not funny anymore like you can't do that you have to go well that never

happened fucking do a shot or whatever you do smoke a joint and do the next set and hope it goes better and that's it i'll never tell that joke again that's it yeah you can't do that so bell though he decides not to go to the academy and instead stays home and takes a baseball scholarship at Louisiana State University. He's going to LSU. Really? Now, yeah, he goes to LSU. Tiger.

He's a tiger, and he's a bad man at LSU. He is just a fucking beast. He played center field as a freshman. He was hitting. As a sophomore, they moved him to right field because of his cannon of an arm, and they're hitting him in the cleanup spot. He's a beast.

He hit.414 in his freshman season. They're using him the right way. Yeah, five home runs, 22 RBIs, and only 37 official at-bats. Wow. In his freshman year. That's silly. Batting.400 out of 37 at-bats. And hitting five home runs in 37 at-bats.

Unreal. That's silly. That's an at-bat every five home runs in 37 that's silly it's an at bat every seven home runs which is that's a sick pace that no one has that's like 15 hits in those that's crazy well while he's in college he's first team all sec the conference on in both his years 86 87 he's uh the regional tournament nvp in, the South whatever bracket that is. Second team All-American 86, third team All-American 87. His coach says he's going to have to hit and give us some power this season about his sophomore season. He's awfully young but awfully talented, and there'll be a lot of pressure on him to produce. Now, I just had to note that in the outfield with him will be a guy named Mike Papa John.

No. That's his real name. P-A-P-A John. Papa John. So Joe Juan and Papa John are going to hit the outfield here, which I find fucking amazing. Jesus Christ. But Papa John had 39 stolen bases in his freshman year. Poor fuck.

Not too shabby. He hates himself today. Yeah. He hates his parents. Why didn't you just change it come on why as soon as he got papa john as soon as the pizza chain got big why didn't we just go no we're not doing it you know what i don't know in this was like 1986 so i don't know if anyone knew about papa john six more years right yeah so he might he's everything's good for him now at this moment moment. He walks around. How you doing? What's his fucking name? Mike Papa John. Good to meet you. Hand out. Confident.

Chest out. Big smile. Mike Papa John. Good to see you. Now he's like Mike Papa John. What was that? Papa. Just Papa.

Papa J. It's Mike Papa John. No problem. Now, Terry not only backs up Albert in- Every way he says his name, they go, like the pizza joint? Like Papa John's? Are you part of that? No! not only backs up albert every way he says his name they go like the pizza joint like papa john's are you part of that but no it's not a last name just pop like papa john like that papa that guy it's kind of a dick yes we're not related okay don't know him i don't even

fucking know the guy just got straddled with this horrible last name. I ate the pizza. Jesus Christ. Now, his brother not only gets fucked over and doesn't get the junior, but he also is Albert's backup. Joey's backup in college. Yeah, he goes to LSU also. That could have been, I don't know how good Terry is, but he's a backup. So if he was that good, he'd be playing left field while Albert was playing right or center and right or whatever it is. he'd be playing left field while Albert was playing right

or center and right or whatever it is. So I feel like it's possible, especially back then, they used to do, kind of if someone's a star and they really want him, they'd do kind of the buddy thing.

Take your boy, too. Yeah, like, hey, you got any, both of you can come here and they do that with friends. When they go meet the parents, they're like, we just want to get

both the boys a great education. Get them trained up. Well, we've got this other boy, too. Same damn age, matter of fact. We'll keep them together. Four minutes apart. We'll keep him together. Four minutes apart.

We'll keep him together and keep him out of trouble. That's the way it'll be because you want your guys to be together. Now, people said that his personality changed after his sophomore season when people started to see, like, he'd see, like, the baseball scouting reports and shit like that. And his name started being thrown about as a high selection in the next year's draft. So he kind of... Got a special boy ego about him. Well, not only that.

They said he got kind of tense. He had a short fuse after that. He was that sort of thing. And they said if things went wrong, he would start really flipping out and shit like that. He just turned into a different guy. Really? Yeah. Now,

there's something happens here in the College World Series that is just absolutely fucking bonkers in 87 or right before the College World Series. In Omaha? I believe so. I don't know if that's where they were playing there.

I don't know if the beginnings of it or when it was. Because it wasn't the actual College World Series. It was like the games. I don't know how college beginnings of it or when it was because it wasn't the actual College World Series it was like the I don't know how college baseball works because nobody watches it nobody cares about college sorry everyone in Nebraska and Tulsa or Oklahoma and Nebraska

Kansas the three states anyone gives a shit about fucking college baseball but ping I don't think so keep that shit to yourself start using wooden bats and i'll maybe look at it ping it's a pop-up it is hilarious it's so stupid yeah it's like little league but the kid's 20 years old and 230 pounds he's got an easton like get the fuck out of here

with that thing you stupid jackass put that down your 12-year-old brother need his bat back? So, fuck. That noise ruins the whole fucking thing. It's so stupid. It does. Ping every hit. You can't avoid it. It's not like sometimes it doesn't make that noise.

Right. Every time. If you close your eyes, you can just, your head imagine a softball game being a beer. Not I'm not even saying just like girls. I'm just something about something way worse. Nobody. That drunk guy is way worse than anybody playing softball. That's not an athlete.

No. And thinks they are. That's the sad part. Fat guys. Much bigger. Used to be better at sports. Never, never, and thinks they are. That's the sad part. Fat guys who used to be better at sports, never good, but used to be a little better, think they can still do it, and then they get drunk too, which makes them

think they can do it even more, and makes them actually able to do it even less. Which is why it's entertaining. But in college baseball, you don't even get that. No fat accountant's gonna trip and fall and fall over his belly and do a full roll. In the first base. In the first base.

That never happens in college, ever. They run and they just get there. They leg it out. Not particularly fast, because if they were fast, they would have been drafted high out of high school and it wouldn't have mattered. In the first round, they wouldn't have turned down $5 million signing bonus. You were making a good case to watch this shit well yeah so hey everybody just gonna take a quick break from the show to tell you about one of our

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at least these particular fans, now people are going to be like, I like Mississippi State. I'm sure you're not racist. These people were. First, during his first at-bat, a large group of Mississippi State fans started chanting buckwheat at him. All through his at-bat, they chanted buckwheat.

This is 1987. This is not 1967. This is not 1967. This is not 1947. No. This is not 1867. This is fucking 1987. Like, think of Alphas on TV right now. You know what I'm saying?

Webster's on TV. This is ridiculous. Michael Jordan is soaring through the sky. Like, this is silly stuff. Buckwheat. Buckwheat, they're chanting at him. Holy shit. After that, Albert's out in the center field. If you don't know who that is, that's the little black boy from Little through the sky like this is silly stuff with that buckwheat they're chanting at him holy shit after that albert's out you don't know who that is that's the the little black boy from uh little

rascals and it is certainly a little black boy i understand he's a boy because he's a child he's the the african-american on the show but no no no i'm okay if you say black boy together it just doesn't sound right even though it's a black child right which is fine it's a you know he's a boy i get it an adolescent man it just strikes my hits my ear a little sideways i'm like ouch jesus jimmy that's i get what you're saying the most adorable one on the show mind you absolutely yeah he's the star of the show god damn it so uh buckwheat here they're chanting buckwheat adam which is definitely not definitely not sensitive racially or anything else. It's just being a fucking asshole.

It's clearly to ruffle his feathers. So then a particular fan goes out in center field to the center behind the center field wall when Albert's playing center field and decides to just say all sorts of racial slurs at him. Just not even clever. I mean, not even attempting to be. Obviously, he's not clever,, not even attempting to be clever. Obviously, he's not clever, but not even attempting to be clever. Just calling him names. Just screaming terrible things.

Yeah. So Albert, you know, while there's between a pitch, he decides to go over the fucking wall and beat the shit out of him. Wow. This guy, he had a good mouth on him and a big mouth on him until Albert got over the fucking wall. And then he had a different look on his face. Like, oh, shit. I'm sure Albert bell looked a little smaller from that distance too this yeah and then close oh jesus this top tier athlete and future business leader of america is about to beat the shit out of me and then tie me up in some eagle scott scout knot and uh this is terrible so uh yeah albert goes after him they have to you know

security comes and tries to keep albert from killing this man in the middle of a play in the middle of the game wow they had to stop the game to go where'd the center fielder go holy shit he's strangling a fan oh he's he's going up the wall for no ball nothing's there's nothing there he just left the wall and went to murder this man and i get it but so this guy they didn't even fucking kick this guy out they made they ordered him to go back and sit with the rest of the mississippi state fans wow which is crazy i'm sorry if you if you're hurling racial slurs over the center field wall you have to leave now to the point where the center fielder tries to physically beat you silly i think you're

done for the day unbelievable that gets you bounced probably uh yeah so he attacks him and uh apparently this pisses his coach off uh he's actually what stops him from killing the guy finally is two of his own teammates his left fielder and his right fielder went over and tackled him and to keep him from killing this guy like dude you're gonna get in trouble here they didn't get up that wall near as fast as he did because there's something about rage and fear i will and you know either one and it was building so you know it was just like that's it it's going it was like all right motherfucker that's it and you get up that wall you did it so fast boom cleat bow over the wall you're done the other two probably stumbled a couple of times. Albert, stop! I gotta get up there! Hold on, Albert! He was like, I will whoop your ass.

So the coach, Skip Burtman, suspends Albert from the 1987 College World Series. He gets the punishment. From this, yeah. The other guy got to stay. He could probably go get another beer even. But Albert couldn't play anymore. He was out here. So, I mean, that's a tough...

Obviously, you can't go over the center field wall and try to kill a guy i don't know depends on what's said look i understand no i understand you want to and guys have done this before i mean we vernon maxwell ran up in the stands and believe hey you know what i get that if if someone's saying something to you on a personal level that you can hear that's a person is insulting you personally and you can take it personally if you want obviously it's not good for you to go over the wall again valid that's a good point yeah again it's when you go to their zone then it's on you but if they come to your zone beat the living shit out of them yeah the emotion to want to kill this man completely valid starts off from a valid place then jumps the center field wall tries to kill him which then makes

him look like he takes it from that Albert is the wronged party to Jesus Christ Albert why do you have to be a fucking asshole you know what I'm saying your mom and dad are teachers didn't they teach you two wrongs don't make a right Albert I don't know what you could have done I don't know if he could have

said hey time out fucking umpire can we get a security guy to get this asshole out of here seriously have to listen to this yeah because i mean at that point i don't know how anybody would have said no he can stay and shout the n-word at you that sounds insane you know i mean it is mississippi but it's you know yeah how does nobody in the stands go ah dude shut the fuck up i don't know when else run over and pop this guy in the face shut up asshole my kid is here you dick or just hey that's don't say that shit right in public try to be don't be funny you jerk off don't not if it's you know what i mean without racial slurs i got you were saying you're really you're andrew

jacksoning yourself hard tonight jesus you know what i mean yeah yeah i mean if you're gonna scream the n-word at least make it clever so yeah so he he sets school marks while he's there in his tenure there for home runs with 49 total bases 392 and rbis with 172 yeah so he's the leader in everything great from that school here now the amateur draft that year 87 major league amateur draft we'll go through real quick uh top pick that year what do you think uh what year 87 uh ken griffey you got it yeah griffey junior back of that car you pulled that out of your ass i really did yeah but he just turned 50 and i'm fucking blown away that's crazy that's the only reason i know that it was yeah because he was a kid too yeah he was a kid he was a kid yeah he was in the majors goddamn the next year when was albert bell drafted this year well no

what number we'll talk all right sorry junior number one telling a fucking story maybe the He was in the majors, god damn, the next year. When was Albert Bell drafted? This year. What number? We'll talk about it. All right, sorry. Junior number one. Telling a fucking story. Maybe the only junior that's not a piece of shit. He's fine, yeah. The best.

He's great. Jack McDowell. Remember Black Jack McDowell? The guy that gave the Yankee Stadium crowd the finger while he was on the Yankees. Playing for the Yankees. Oh, yeah. It didn't last long after that. That wasn't a smart move.

Black Ollie. That was on the cover of the fucking papers. Him giving the fingers. Oh, yeah, he didn't last long after that. That wasn't a smart move. I was on the cover of the fucking papers, him giving the fingers, like, oh, you're done. He was picked number five. Kevin Apier, number nine. Delano DeShields in this draft. Chris Carpenter there. There was a story about him.

Albert kind of owning Chris Carpenter. Craig Biggio in that first round. I think he's a Hall of Famer now. Probably. I think he is. Dave Berba the pitcher for a long time here todd hunley who's a piece of shit he hit 30 home runs once and then was a pile of garbage he's on the hall of fame list right now who uh hunley todd hunley yeah yeah no well no todd hunley is not a good no he had like two good years for the mets yeah he's a he's a shit defensive catcher who hit like 30 home runs once, and then they said, oh my God, Todd Hundley, and then he hit 212 for the rest of his life.

You know what I just did in my head? He's the Mets' Matt Noakes, is what he is. I confused him with Todd Helton. Todd Helton. Todd Helton's a great career fucking 340 hitter. He's amazing, Todd. He's on the ballot for the whole thing. That's your first ballot guy right there.

He's amazing. I get that he played in Colorado, but I don't care. He might be first ballot. He may have been on already, and he's not in yet. Oh, well, he should be, goddammit. Albert Bell picked 47th overall. It's the Indians by the Cleveland Indians. It's their first pick of the draft that they have.

They traded a draft pick away. Great pick. It's their first pick. They pick Albert Bell. Nobody else wanted him because he's known as an asshole. So nobody else wanted him uh because he's known as an asshole yeah so nobody else wanted him yeah later on in that draft ray lankford uh reggie sanders mike mucina mike stanton steve finley a lot of guys scott brocious jeremy bernitz daryl kyle great players died yeah rob nen jeff

conine brad osmus a lot of guys in that draft uh a lot of them came late too so 87 he's in uh single a yeah oh boy in the carolina league down there single a for kingston uh or kinston uh down there he plays in 10 games just a kind of an introductory thing and he was playing in college earlier that year he has 45 plate appearances 37 at bats has some walks you know three home runs, nothing crazy. 88, he's playing at Kinston in North Carolina here. Mike Hargrove is his manager, who will be future Cleveland Indians manager for years and years. Really? All through those 90s, all those teams.

And he had him in single A. And he had him in single A down here. He sends Bell home, because there's nowhere to send a guy from single A. In the majors, you'd be like, you're going down to triple A, pal. Triple A, you're going down to double A. Single A is like you're going to your mom's house because that's the only other place you can go down.

We can't put you anywhere lower. So he sends him home mid-season for failing to hustle repeatedly, basically. What the fuck, man? Not running out ground balls. That's not the Joey we know. Joey is better than that. He's an Eagle Scout for Christ's sake. He's a vice president of the National Honor Society.

Come on, man. Turn your work in. Damn it, Joey. Fix your penmanship. Show me your math. So two weeks they give him at home, and then they reassign him to a lower, like the low Class A league in Iowa,

and he refused to report. He said, that's beneath me. I won't show up. So he's sent home for the remainder of the season. They go, all right, you fucking asshole, I guess go home. I can't believe he made it to the majors. I can't believe he ever had an MLB appearance. Well, he's so goddamn good.

That's the thing. Now, also in 1988, he's so goddamn he's so fucking good. That's the thing. Now, also in 1988, he's a little distracted. This is very under the radar. And this is something that you can't find anywhere except this was revealed during a deposition for a lawsuit. Oh, no. So if you're in a deposition for a lawsuit, you have to answer these fucking questions. And he had to answer these questions. And he is convicted of domestic violence assault in 1988.

Does it say who? We don't know any of the details. We just know that he has a conviction of a domestic violence assault. Fascinating. So that's 1988 completely covered up. Nowhere to be found. This is, like I said, only comes up due to the lawsuit. this is like I said only comes up due to the lawsuit so it was in it was an incident that took place on July 5th 1988 in Tucson Arizona no kidding that's it yeah because that's where the

I assume a lot of guys have places where their team does spring training point that's where a lot of guys set up shop and that's affordable if you're not if you're not actually in the fucking majors yet Tucson in the 80s is who the hell you could buy half the town for. I don't even know. Nobody wants to live there. Yeah. No one wants to. I got a cup of warm.

It ain't body warm, but it's almost body warm. You could set it in the sun. I mean, you could do that, but maybe what? Four or 500 acres, maybe. I don't know. Something. I mean, it's Tucson. So, you know.

I thought you were going gonna say four or five months right no no four or five hundred acres going the other way so uh they like him so in 1989 he hits well in the minors and so well that in july of 1989 granted you have to remember the cleveland indians in 1989 are wretched yeah this the major, major lead movie about this funny, awful shit was about the, it's released in 1989 about the Indians. So it's about the late eighties Indians. He said that this is what he's drafted into.

The movie was about them making it. I think they won the pen in the movie. I don't think they won the world series in the movie. No, no, no. They went on to lose. They went on to lose.

I, but they won the pen and, and, and that was a big, right. That was a big deal to him. And, and I thought just going to the playoffs was the end of that movie that was a big deal to them. I thought just going to the playoffs was the end of that movie.

I think you might be right. They made it to the playoffs. And that was unbelievable. And then in Major League Two, they were like, can you imagine if they did? In Major League Two, they were like, we got beat in the playoffs. Now we got to take it to the next level. I think you're right. Yeah, I think that's how it is, if I remember correctly.

And that was amazing to them. So if anybody has any talent whatsoever, they're looking for them at this point. Because the movie was ridiculous. For them to make the playoffs, that's ridiculous. It's silly. That's how shitty they were. Well, in 1989, in real life, they were 73-89 and not going to the playoffs and not doing anything anywhere near the movie. So July 15, 1989, he makes his MLB debut versusxas has a hit in an rbi and a stolen base that day uh and 89 all together and this is the team this is the indians uh i'll give you the

lineup and tell me how many guys you know i know all these guys from baseball cards and shit i'm crazy i'll know a few of them from baseball cards andy allenson nope i remember he was a tops all star rookie had a little a little fucking cup on his card there uh pete o'brien no who had fraggle hair fraggle haired catcher our first oh no no that's charlie that's charlie o'brien i'm sorry pete o'brien was it r.i.e.n remember r.i.e.n yeah i know jerry brown with a knee at second base uh felix fermina i remember from the indians and other teams here brooke jacoby who was around forever on the Indians. Oda B. McDowell, who you've got to remember.

You remember Oda B. McDowell played for the Rangers? No. Jesus Christ. Joe Carter. Yeah. No, you know Joe Carter, obviously. Hit that home run off Mitch Williams. Corey Snyder, who was very blonde.

Yeah. Looked like a Viking. First baseman? Remember Corey Snyder? Right fielder. Oh, yeah. I knew it. I nailed it.

Exactly. I nailed it. Jesus Christ. And Albert Bellder there? Exactly. I nailed it. Jesus Christ. And Albert Bell on the bench here. Okay. So that year, Albert, you know, 62 games he plays in, 218 at bats. He hits.225 with seven homers, though. So he shows a little pop in his bat, and they go, right, you know, take a look at this kid.

You know, he makes $68,000 that year. So, ooh, bringing it in. He is the mayor of Tucson. Yeah, Tucson. You're going to do great there. 1990, 68 grand in the 80s is pretty good. You can live on that now and do okay. But, I mean, in the 80s, for a ball player.

He had a new car. Yeah, he was driving around something decent. 1990 Cleveland, he comes up. This is a 77 and85 team, 1990 Cleveland. So not getting any better here. This, at least, they have Sandy Alomar Jr. Oh, he was so good. I remember he was great.

Keith Hernandez comes on the team. If you have a young team, you introduce Keith Hernandez to it. They're going to get an education on a few things. About to learn some life. How to properly chop cocaine and trim your mustache. Both are the same. And how not to get properly chop cocaine and trim your mustache. Both of the same. And how not to get that cocaine in your properly trimmed mustache, I feel like here. So Candy Maldonado comes on the team, guys.

Carlos Baerga. It's the beginning of his career. I think he played until, what, two fucking years ago or something. Not literally. He might still be playing. He played forever. He was 21 at this point. So, yeah. Alex Cole, who I believe we'll have an episode about him someday. he might still be playing he played very he played forever he was 21 at this point so uh yeah

alex cole who i believe will have an episode about him someday and he did some fuck ups here guys like that now this year he only plays in nine games because we'll talk about it in a second he's 23 at bat so his stats don't matter he makes 117 grand yeah but uh the problem is he uh hits 174 gets sent down to colorado springs and then the indians decide we think he has a drinking problem and uh so they went to him they went to his mom who's very close to him his mom said he doesn't have a drinking problem and everybody denied it and then uh he's in the colorado springs where he got sent down the minor league team and the clubhouse in june and he's pissed off and destroys the clubhouse absolutely fucking wrecks the clubhouse and uh at that point they go you got a problem yeah if you don't have

a problem then you're just crazy so if it's not booze then anger issues for sure something and he is sent to a rehab clinic here and uh he stays there for 10 weeks oh that's intense that's a that's a big one yeah 10 weeks a lot two and a half months is a long time so that's he had an issue yeah so uh he comes out and when he comes out he's no longer joey no now i must tell you on his baseball card from back then it said joey bell i remember his 90 score card when i was a kid joey bell it's always joey bell on his baseball cards from back then. It said Joey Bell. I remember his 90 scorecard when I was a kid. Joey Bell. It's always Joey Bell on his baseball cards.

He comes out of rehab and says, I'm Albert now. Period. Joey had the problems. Joey had the problems. Joey was the guy that it was before. Now I'm Albert. I'm going to be an adult. That was my kid self.

Now I'm an adult. I need to be Albert now. If I fuck this up, I'm just going to go by Bell Jr. He said, quote, it's a new me. God damn it now if i fuck this up i'm just gonna go by bell jr he said quote it's a new me god damn if i fuck this up it's just jr yeah that's it now he is a big drinker also in the winter of 1990 he's back in rehab again at the cleveland clinic where he spends another two months there and undergoes uh counseling for alcoholism and to control his temper, which he also has an issue with, obviously, as we'll talk about.

Now, he made his own drink up. I don't know if this is his own drink or if this is a... I don't know if this is something you can order in a bar and the guy will just know how to make it. Tell me. It is called a gorilla fart. I am not drinking that. I'm not drinking a gorilla fart. No.

This is his drink of choice. This is something that is wet, James. a gorilla fart. I am not drinking that. I'm not drinking a gorilla fart. No. This is his drink of choice. This is something that is wet, James. A gorilla fart. Well. That's his thing that he drinks. Gorilla's fart liquid, Jimmy. I don't know if you knew that. Gross.

Gross. It is a half and half mixture. There is no. His mixer is 101 proof wild turkey. And what is in it? That's his mixer. What else is in it? 151 rum. No way. Yeah. The Puerto else is in it uh 151 rum no way the puerto rican rum the 151 151 and 151 buccardi and then you know his mixer is is 101 proof

wild oh my god that's wild turkey has the two different that doesn't have 100 proof and they have the 80s doesn't even stop being flammable when you when it comes out of your dick this he could set his piss on fire and burn a house down. Wow. This is insane. He should call that Tucson Rent. That's what that drink should be called. Gorilla fart.

Gross. So, I don't know. Like I said, try, everybody out there, try going into your local establishment, wherever you go, drink, and ask for a gorilla fart, and see if they know what that is. See if they don't go, are you fucking crazy? Like, half and half, this and that. They go, why would you want if they don't go, are you fucking crazy? Like half and half this and that. They go, why would you want to drink that? That sounds disgusting and just crazy.

We don't even stock 151 because that's crazy. That's just silly. And you're going to be stupid in about five minutes if I give this to you. Now you think I'm going to put wild turkey in it too? No. One part that, one part that. You're going to die tonight.

What else do you want? PCP? Can I mix that in too? Maybe that'll make it more fun also. You can run around fucking breaking the place apart. Are you going to butt chug this or are you going to snort it? Which one? Because either way, it's nuts.

So he and his temper never subsides, though. This never goes away. His temper. Omar Vizquel said of him, him quote sometimes he throws coolers around sometimes he breaks phones in the clubhouse there are cookies all over the place the guy is he just throws cookies because they have you know cookies every sugar this guy is so unbelievable he can go three for three and go into his at bat and pop out and he's still throwing cookies around so three for four is not good enough because he fucked that up out of. Which, yeah, I fucking get that.

Yeah. That's what I mean. Shit like that, I get that. You could destroy on stage for a fucking hour, but if one joke at 20 minutes, you didn't do it right, or it's just not what you thought it was, or you did a new thing on it,

or you did a tag that you really didn't believe in, but my whole set is fighting the fuck about the other 58 minutes because who cares? That go well yeah but the two minutes you can fix the difference between that and that is that there's not an audience actively going you're not going to get us to laugh you know what i mean genuine yeah no that's true generally that's true there's no one against you this is comedy he has a guy set up for you no no everything's set up for you in comedy i'm saying but. But yeah, obviously that. This is nuts.

I get the idea of not being satisfied with your performance. You're batting 750 today. I've done a lot of Friday Night Late shows where I'd rather have people throwing 95 mile

an hour fastballs at me. I'm sorry. Those people were way fucking more hostile than any competitive sports environment I've ever fucking seen. They were drunker.

They were more violent. Right. We've had... Call me the n-word i'm clearly yeah what the fuck it's crazy so yeah he's an interesting guy now and he albert he says no not anymore it's not me he says quote in the past i've tended to overreact i was sure i'd be a superstar by the time i was 21 baseball messed up my plan of life when i fail i get upset sometimes i get upset too quickly without thinking of consequences while in the clinic i discovered i had problems with concentration motivation attitude and temper i have found a new way of life through the clinic's program and a 12-step recovery plan so that's his that's his deal i'm good now i'm says i'm good now yeah i've done everything i'm fine but he's got a 12-step program he's got a 12-step program for anger and for for his alcohol brings jesus into it well he's always had jesus he's a

hardcore baptist so do you bring up anything find a higher power he's like fucking done and done i've been going to church every goddamn week i'm a baptist i am i under i understand i'm gonna burn at some point i get it for something i've done now 1991 starting he said new fucking leaf yeah new new albert bell yeah now it's going he says quote people are finally seeing the real albert bell at the major league level i did it in the minor leagues now i hope to do it in the majors. And then his manager here, John McNamara, says he can do it. He's going to be the big thing in Cleveland that's going to help this lineup. He says, Bell is like Cecil Fielder

and Jose Canseco. Guys like that. When he hits them, it doesn't matter what ballpark he's in. I would not say I've been surprised. This is the first time I've seen the real Albert Bell, the one that everybody's been talking about. So you can honestly say that about him. When he's on, there is not a hitter who's better than him.

I mean, he's as good as anybody when he's hitting. And as a casual fan, there was a point when, and he wasn't drafted and it was like, oh my God, they got them. You know what I mean? A lot of guys, when they get drafted or brought up it's a big fucking deal it wasn't that big of a deal for him it was a second round pick right there was a point when he became like he's not ken griffey jr right ken griffey jr from the day he was born stepped out i was gonna say i was trying to go back i was gonna say from on a major league no in high school no probably before

from the day he stepped out in Little League, he had pressure. He was branded. People knew who he was. His dad's a major leaguer. His dad's a World Series champion. He's the next guy. I mean, it was anointed, just like Barry Bonds. But he's less of an asshole.

Baseball fans, you hear the name Junior, you know who you're talking about. Yeah, that's it. I mean, NASCAR is the same way with dale earnhardt's boy yeah when when you hear the word junior it it creates a specific person except one guy can run and hit and throw another guy just drives so it's my point is just that albert bell is not him it's not him at all yeah no so he says that uh he wished people would stop talking about his past difficulties it's over and done with okay he said the results will speak for themselves 1990 is over this is 91 okay bitch he didn't say bitch but he he should have that's what he was trying to say grace yeah let's get grace is it really let's call it great not on his career

no but on his right now if he stopped being a dick yeah and just fucking not even had to be doesn't have to be a great guy isn't to shake hands and kiss babies because i get that i don't fucking do it but just coasted and did the bare minimum and played the game as hard as he could fucking hall of famer probably and a lot of other things he'd have twice as much money from endorsements because he'd be a huge star. Instead, this is the grace on his reputation and everybody giving him the benefit of the doubt. We're like, oh, well, maybe he was just immature. He's got opportunity.

Nope, he just keeps fucking it up. May 11th, 1991. So he's Albert now, right? so he's albert now right so somebody in the crowd a guy named jeff pillar he would obviously read that he went to rehab right and he had a drinking problem that he wants to be called albert so what he does is albert this fan i mean uh keeps chanting joey adam and inviting him to a keg party after the game hey joey why don't you come to my keg party we're gonna get shit faced come on joey adam and inviting him to a keg party after the game hey joey why don't you come to my keg party we're gonna get shit face come on joey clever that's it i'm dude this is nothing no anyone who's ever played if you've ever talked to a baseball player just that's the best thing to ask him because people always ask a comic that what's the fucking heckle it's stupid with comedy

nobody heckles anything good no they just say something about what you just said, so it doesn't make sense. Baseball fans plan heckles. They're great at it. They plan. In Yankee Stadium, the whole fucking right field would get together to learn a Japanese insult for Ichiro when he first came over. And a bunch of guys who don't speak Japanese would chant from the Bronx and fucking Brooklyn and Queens would chant Japanese things at this guy. And Ichiro said he was impressed by it.

He's like, that's fucking dedication. He turned around like, Jesus. What are you, Puerto Rican? That was great. Hey, look at you guys. All right. Nice. You skipped the parade for that?

Nice. This is nothing yeah i mean i remember every any ball player you talk to they've been heckled like crazy people are bored they have nothing else to do they heckle yeah so instead of albert just ignoring him uh he turns around uh he gets a foul ball and picks it up and turns around and fucking fires this ball at the fan. What? Who is 15 feet away from him and in the stands. And hits him right in the fucking chest with it. Wow.

Just drills him with it. You could stop a man's heart from that. Oh, yeah. You cannot throw a... And also, you could not hit him and hit a fucking old lady in the skull. That's a good point, too. I mean, come on, dude. You can't do... There's children everywhere.

There's women. There's children. There's old people. You can't be firing baseballs children everywhere. There's women. There's children. There's old people. You can't be firing baseballs into crowds. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. If all works well, you drilled a man in the sternum with a baseball. Yeah, a fan.

Yeah. Who's an idiot, obviously. Who didn't do anything necessarily wrong. He's being a dick, but I mean, that's kind of standard. That's standard stock dick fare. So he likes the kind of standard that's standard stock dick fair so he likes the other team he's not shouting the n-word out or something like that he's he's taunting him with things that are relevant to his own personal shit very specific not not what he is who he is you know what i'm saying it's very specific and his baseball card said joey the year before

literally 1990 his baseball card said maybe he didn't get the news out he got it that's why he was so uh he suspended a week for this which i feel like you should be suspended more yeah for firing a ball into the crowd anything where you do where you physically go after a fan i would think they go hey those are the people that you know pay our bills the game is for like those are the only people we should really give a shit about. It'd be like the chef getting mad and stabbing a fucking patron of a restaurant. Yell at the waiter. You want changes on your shit?

And coming out and punching the guy. Pour boiling water in your lap. Can't do that. It's fascinating, though, that he didn't get sued for that. Well. I mean, all right, well. He's going to get sued for that. Well. I mean, all right, well. He's going to get sued for that. Because he's already wrong in the first place, and the majors have deemed that for sure by

suspending him. That's the thing. And he's going to get sued by, and also, but the thing is, he's also, they have their own publicity people, the majors. And I can't believe this was in the paper, but like two days after that, it comes out that the guy, Pilar here, who was hit by Albert Bell, has an outstanding warrant against him and is an ex-convict. Oh, who gives a shit? So they do this whole expose on this guy.

They say he filed an official police report and, you know, to file charges against Albert Bell. And while processing the report, they ran a check and found out he had an 89 uh warrant out him from 1989 filed by an ex girlfriend it charged that he drove his car into the woman's car rammed a fence and threatened to kill her so he had a bad break so i don't know what was going on there but i just saw that happen through my mind and the fact that it happened so long ago and everybody was fine made me just laugh at a man crashing a car even though it must have been a scary experience for a woman here enough to where this guy gets arrested for it by my count there's at least one person that's jacked that albert bell threw a ball

yeah get that dick like yeah good it's about time he gets some payback he says that incident never occurred must be a compute warrant must be a computer error is what he says that's what he tells the press i don't know what you're talking about uh they also show that he served five months in state prison uh for a breaking and entering conviction in 1975 i don't know what you mean i've never been to prison 75 75 shit jesus christ i know what you mean 75 goddamn yeah which he would have had to been young too because he's 33 uh in 19 fucking 91 oh jesus so that would mean he was 17 he would have had to been young too because he's 33 in 19 fucking 91 oh jesus so that would mean he was 17 he would have had to go to jail then so i don't know whatever it did i don't know what's it matter it's not like he was committing a crime he wasn't committing domestic violence albert bell

sought and threw a baseball at him to thwart it that would be relevant then if they said you know well shit he threw a baseball at him to stop him from doing another crime that that would be relevant then if they said you know well shit he threw a baseball at him to stop him from doing another crime that that would be a terrible superhero by the way somebody that whips throwing baseballs that's a pretty good it could be pretty good he hit him right in the chest yeah as long as he's got good aim it's a great superhero albert thwarts the fucking crimes by whipping a baseball at somebody so 1991 the indians this is the depths here, 57 and 105. 105 losses is obscenely terrible.

That's so fucking bad. Absolutely bad. Even if you go on an eight-game winning streak, you lose 16 to make up for it. Done. Ouch. They fire John McNamara and hire Mike Hargrove, the old single-A manager who suspended him before. This is Sandy Alomar, Paul Sorrento, Carlos Baerga, Glenn Allen Hill, Kenny Lofton coming

up now. This is different. Glenn Allen Hill, by the way, I don't know if I told this story about the clogs. Have you ever told this story? Rod, Rod Beck, the pitcher, we were talking one day about people, and somehow Glenn Allen Hill came up. I don't know if you were watching a game and he was on, or somehow glen allen hill came up and he goes man he goes i like this motherfucker he's crazy and i go really he goes yeah man he goes rod tells me came in the in the

clubhouse one day with some like wooden shoes on and shit i go what the fuck are those man and uh he goes everybody was making fun of him and they were clogs that he got i guess he went to over to amsterdam and he had wooden clogs that he was fucking wearing and he wore them for real wore them for real to the clubhouse and thought they were cool and so rod because he's rod's a really nice guy and people were fucking everyone was breaking his balls about these clogs because it's ridiculous so rod said he felt terrible and went up and was like i think they're fucking sweet dude he goes i think they're pretty fucking like, I think they're fucking sweet, dude. He goes, I think they're pretty fucking smooth, bro. He was like just trying to, he felt bad for him and the guy was getting picked on, so

he went over to- What are those, Redwood? I like those. He went over to try to not pick on him, like some kid who was getting picked on. He's like, oh man, your shirt's cool. Your house isn't bad. Your mom's not a whore. He's 16.

He's like, I like Disney too. He did one of those. So then Rod goes, puts his finger of those so then rod goes puts his finger up in one second goes in his bedroom and i hear him fucking shuffling shit around shit falling and zippers coming like what the fuck is going on he comes out with a pair of wooden clogs out of his bedroom he bought a pair he goes next day the motherfucker came in with a pair for me man he goes i've been in my closet buried under all kinds of shit ever since he just came in and was like put him on his in his locker and he was like, yeah, he's like nodding and

he opened them up and he said, you liked them, man, so I hooked you up too. And he's like, thanks? Oh, no. So he had wooden clogs. So that's Glenn Allen Hill who wears wooden clogs is the point of that fucking story. It's like being in the locker room and a dude's wearing a thong and you're like, nah, dude, I'm sure it's comfortable. Yeah, nah, it's all right.

I got you one too. Check it out. Boom, it's got flowers on it. Like it, right? It's pretty sweet. Tomorrow, he said next day he came in

fucking pair of clogs rot. There you go, man. I got you a pair, chief. Right size and everything. I drive around all day trying to find the only store that sells that shit.

I mean, he knew the clog store. And then somehow that- And broad size. That's the thing. Well, you can check the nasty equipment guy, right? What size he wear. You can just go look in his locker. They have a shitload of fucking cleats and shit.

But at that point, then that's a night game. You got to go the next day before you have to be at the ballpark. You have to stop on the way at the clog store and have them carve you up a size fucking 11 and a half if he didn't buy them overseas then he definitely knows where that store is already anyway he got a pair of clogs it was the craziest shit ever and he goes i mean nice guy he's like what fuck what a nut he gave me those have got to be so expensive and uncomfortable they're made of wood but that's not exactly air nike air there's no nike ashwood fucking they've got to be

to support a brick and mortar store oh yeah the amount that you're selling who knows some weird store that i don't know what stores rich people shop at major league baseball players christ who knows they're in another he had to rock those ones for him right i would i don't know he i don't think he ever wore them i didn't even ask him honestly throw him on and wear him out to your car to say that he wore him hey say click clink clink click clack clack clack clack clack clack clack hi got him on it unreal man so 1991 though bad year for cleveland fine year for albert though uh albert plays in 123 games now he has 461 at bats so this is his you know his coming out party here he has a 282 uh batting average with 28 homers 95 ribbies now we're talking this is when he started being known 31 doubles this is when they went oh shit yeah and the indians got a bargain 130 grand for that

season wow that is a fucking bargain man i'm I'm telling you. Now, 1992, at this point, this is another incident, criminal incident, that was not anywhere to be found. I only found it from a lawsuit deposition from 1995. He was here convicted of assault in 1992. He's arrested, convicted of assault, and fined $1,000 and sentenced to one year probation in 1992. He's arrested, convicted of assault, and fined $1,000 and sentenced to one year probation in 92. Somehow, I don't know how the fuck you'd keep that quiet. Yeah, but this is number four, James, of events where he lost his mind so bad that somebody got hurt.

Oh, yeah, yeah. This is what he does. That's his thing. He's got an anger problem, man. He is like, wow. It's crazy. So 1992 season, though, comes up here. 92, he is that whole bullshit.

92, he plays in 153 games, 585 at-bats, 260 batting average, 34 homers, 112 ribbies. That's great. That's big shit. He's a star now. That's a big deal. Makes $175,000 for that season. So again. How old is he?

Bargain. Christ, at this point, 92. Yeah, 24. 24 years old. And he's talking about how I was supposed to be a superstar by 21. You're a superstar. Oh, no, 25 he would be around. Even still.

Yeah. Four years late? Fuck you, dude. 25. If you want to be a superstar by 21, that doesn't happen that often. It's unrealistic expectations of yourself. Exactly. Especially in baseball.

Right. Baseball in the major leagues. You know how many people have been superstars by 21? Bob Feller, Ken Griffey. I can name like fucking six of them. It doesn't happen very often. It just doesn't. Baseball takes a while. And he was that proud of himself. Alex Rodriguez was that big of a star. End of them. It doesn't happen very often. It just doesn't. Baseball takes a while.

And he was that proud of himself. Alex Rodriguez was that big of a star when he was at age 18. She came out when he was 19. There's nobody. There's not really a lot of them like that. I mean, there's a bunch, but I mean, it's not a ton. You take seasoning in baseball to learn how to hit a slider. Right.

There's a lot that are 21 that are good. Yeah. Superstar level, no. Most of the time, you don't get to the majors before you're 21. You don't even see the majors. They keep you down there. If you came out of high school, maybe they'll bring you up

when you're 22, 23. They keep you down for five years. If you come out of college, they still give you two years when you come up when you're 23, 24. Albert was real proud of himself. Yeah. But he's fine.

He makes $175,000 for the 92 season, so not bad. 1993, 76 and 86, the team is under Hargrove this is now they got uh Jim Tomei in the lineup and guys like that now they're forming that the 90s Cleveland lineup that we all kind of saw in the playoffs every year hit homers uh yeah absolutely now uh this is when ping pong becomes an issue uh number one they get get a ping pong table. At the request of Albert, they get a ping pong table in the clubhouse. And they had that ping pong table until 2010 when I saw an article that they were taking the ping pong table out of the clubhouse. And they got it because of Albert Bell.

Because of Albert Bell because he really likes ping pong a lot. He's very competitive at it. And we'll talk about this. So competitive that one night they were out uh after the game they went to a bar that there's a bar that had ping pong tables which seems like a terrible idea it seems like there's only a couple of those bars that and any anytime you mix alcohol with competitive physical activity i feel like that's a bad thing you're asking for bad shit anytime there's one of those punched things right or you know one of those shoot hoop shoot and you're asking for bad shit anytime there's one of those punched things right or you know one of those shoot hoop shooting you're asking for people to punch each other holes you're putting a weapon

in somebody's hand you are at least it's a calm game you can't play pool amped up you know what i mean but every fucking bar scene when there's a fight in a movie that it involves a pool stick but i've never ever seen anyone out of breath from a pool game that's what i'm talking about there's ping pong once you get that blood flow and you're gumping, you're going back and forth. And then this guy says, you know, it didn't hit the table. You say it did. And you're like, fuck you. And then you're gumping.

You're smashed. I got it. You know what I'm saying. But my point is just to, you're putting a weapon in somebody's fucking hand. But it's a calm game, at least. You're not mixing adrenaline with it. I'm just comparing ping pong with a weapon in your hand to pool with a weapon. You're trading adrenaline for weaponry.

Because there's no adrenaline with pool, but there's a weapon. There's weaponry in ping pong. That's crazy. Let's talk about it. Not the ball. No. The paddle can be. Those can hurt, bro.

Well, let's see if it hurts. They're solid. Want to find out if they hurt? There, bro. Well, let's see if it hurts. They're solid. Want to find out if they hurt? There's a guy named William Kelly who knows if it hurts or not. He's a six-foot-tall, 140-pound man from Maryland. Oh, my God. And he says, quote, the bartender pointed out Kenny Lofton and Albert Bell to us. This is, by the way, from a book.

Jesus, it's a book about Albert Bellbert bell him being a dick i'll post about it i can't remember the name of it right now it's pretty funny stuff so uh he said it's a whole book about him being a dick uh he didn't write it i don't know if you're surprised about that but yeah he says this guy william kelly said the bartender pointed out Kenny Lofton and Albert Bell to us. I referred to Bell as Joey a couple times to get his attention, just because, like I said, Joey Bell. We were playing ping pong. Bell and Lofton were playing foosball. When we finished playing, they came over to use the ping pong table.

They had next on the ping pong table. It's so weird. It's like a game room. He came over and said, you don't know who you're messing with. Then he jabbed me with the paddle. He called me a punk and hit me again. I was very intimidated. I was in shock.

He hit me. Bam, bam. I was terrified. That's what the guy said. He was being for real. You don't know who you're fucking with. You don't know who you're fucking with. Then he started beating him with the ping pong paddle.

Did he jab him with it? Because that hurts. He poked him in the chest. Then he started whacking him with the ping pong paddle. So yeah, Bell, you're fucking with him. He started beating him with the ping pong paddle. Did he jab him with it? Because that hurts. He poked him in the chest. Then he started whacking him with the ping pong paddle. So, yeah, Bell, this is fucking great. He says there was a confrontation, but he says that he didn't hit him. But according to the police report, he was treated, Kelly was treated in a nearby emergency room for two small lacerations, one on his forehead and one on the bridge of his nose.

Oh, you know he was was a ping pong player. Yeah. And Bell says, quote, they were four nerds. That's the way Bell describes him. Quote, his three friends were calling me Albert, but he kept calling me Joey. I bumped him with the paddle. I was just explaining to him that my name was not Joey. If I would have hit the guy, I wouldn't have hit him with the plastic tip of the ping pong paddle.

So, yeah, that's what he did. He was whacking him with the ping pong paddle like a dick. So, yeah, it's going to come out more and more, the asshole-ness here. Sounds like that guy may have been ribbing him a bit, though. He was being a dick, too. Once again, valid. Right. But you're a huge guy.

You say, get the fuck out of here before I twist your fucking head off and spike it on the ground and use it as a ping pong ball. Why don't you leave before I beat you with a ping pong paddle? Or if you're a high profile guy, you can't even fucking, you know what, dude, you have to be smarter than that. You got to go, where's the bouncer? This guy's being a dick to me. Can you get him to fuck away from me before I beat the shit out of him with this ping

pong paddle? I'm going to buy a lot more booze than them. I drink Gorilla Farts. I'm sorry, dude. And by the way, and a round of Gorilla Farts when you're done. Gorilla Farts for everybody! My drink is much more expensive than the Miller Lite that they're drinking. Yeah, I'm tired of this shit.

You have to, you can't, I get that you want to be a normal person, but you're on TV every fucking day. It's difficult to be a normal person because people might look to try to bait you, especially if they know you have a temper. That's the thing so uh 1993 though great year 159 games played 594 at bats he uh leads the majors with 129 rbi he uh he hits 290 uh with 38 home runs 129 rubies absolutely 23 steals too stolen bases 23 fucking speed out the ass. 36 doubles. He's seventh in the MVP voting.

He wins a silver slugger, which is going to best hit her at your position. And he's an all-star that year. Huge. That's a coming out party. He's also, this year, he plays left field this year and leads the AL in left field outfielder assists, throwing guys out from the outfield, which is where he has 16. That shows you have a cannon.

That's a lot. He's first in the league there and also leads in double plays turned as an outfielder, so catching a ball, throwing a guy out, trying to take a base on you. And then getting another guy. Yeah, the guy going from, he's tagging up at third or tagging up at a base and you throw him out so guys tried to tag up on him because they didn't know he had an arm unbelievable

you have to you have to establish yourself like that and then you can you know guys know not to run on you it's one of those things it's like uh you have to make a couple of really good throws and then guys guys slam on the brakes when they round that base a little bit uh so september uh oh that's there so uh that was the joey joey thing now that year though he makes 1 million 675 000 bucks now you're talking now you're talking uh it's good stuff here now albert has a couple of things that he doesn't do uh and now this will explain something later he says quote in baseball i don't fraternize with players when it's time to hit i'm preparing for the game it's the most important time of the day and i know if i don't hit i won't have a job in the big leagues that's why i tend to get very upset when people try to talk to me

okay he's focused man this is my job leave me the fuck alone i'm focusing on hitting the ball that's what i'm thinking about i can spell words backwards i gotta focus though to do this shit i'm speed reading some bitch. That's right. He says, quote, I notice a lot of hitters fraternize with pitchers. I see guys laughing and giggling before the game. These are the same pitchers who are trying to beat them. I've never seen Roger Clemens talking to hitters before the game.

Bob Gibson was the same way. Man, I don't even see Greg Maddox playing golf with hitters. So he's saying the great pitchers don't fucking dick around with the hitters and hang out and fraternize with these hitters because they're trying to get them out. And you've got to keep that killer instinct competitive. Some guys don't need that. Some guys can separate it.

They can get second. When it's time to hit, when you step in the box, then they're killers. And when they step out of the box, they can smile. Some guys can do that, and some guys need to be a certain way all the time. They need to be a dick. They need to be focused. They need to be killers. It's a great point, too, because with free agency and such,

who knows if that guy's even going to be on your team tomorrow. Why be friends with him? They may not be gone. He's not talking about on his team. Well, he's talking about his team before the game, but he's talking about opposing pitchers and hitters fraternizing with each other. You see that all the time. Before games, you'll see guys always talking, running around, bullshitting, fraternizing together you see that all the time before games you'll see guys always talking running around bullshit and fraternizing yeah because guys

guys know each other they're from the same place they play bass high school together they played in the minors before they were traded away from different places they played in college together they know the same lifestyle it's the only guy that can relate to you they run into each other they know each other from shit they might have played with the guy like i said they might have been they might have been college roommates for a year and a half. They might have played in the minors for two years together. It's just an interesting dichotomy, too. That's the only way you can really relate to life is seeing somebody that lives your lifestyle.

I don't know. I can see it both ways, I guess. You see football all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're physically trying to hurt each other. And you see before the game, hey, what's up, man? They fucking know each other. It's the same shit. But in baseball, at least you're not trying to hurt each other. And you see before the game, hey, what's up, man? They fucking know each other. It's the same shit.

But in baseball, at least you're not trying to hurt the guy. Right. I would assume. But it's still the same competitive whatever. So late 1994 comes around. That's the strike shortened season, if we remember. What a fucking nightmare that was. Late 1994.

Okay. He hits a home run against the White Sox and then starts flexing his biceps and pointing. You remember how he used to do that shit? Well, Chicago's manager says he got a tip that Albert's bat was corked. So he asked the umpires to check the bat for cork. So the bat is taken. And obviously, if you don't know about corking bats, people who aren't sports fans, you can hollow out some of the bat in the middle and put cork in it replace it with wood making it a lot

lighter and and well yeah it's mainly just light you get better bat speed and you can hit the ball farther that's it that's it yeah i thought they popped harder off that's that can kind of spring right not really that's that's all the players that used it just go it's for fucking bat speed man if you get more bat speed it's more pop so it's it's kind of one or the other i think i'd want a a slower heavier bat because it's no it's the follow-through that matters no it's all bat speed really everything about if you look at the the biggest home run hitters it's all bat speed they used to show when mark mcguire in like 98 99 when he was hitting 70 home runs in 98 they used to show bat speed on the side because they would talk about it but then he would have

his bat speed to be 15 miles an hour higher than anybody else wow it's all about bat speed has nothing to do guys you don't see guys with looping slow swings that's a good point it's bad and even if they look like it the watch where the bat moves the bat is quick through the zone it's all about bat speed. That's how the game is. I suppose that makes sense. Yeah, it's just physics of it. You need more speed.

Now, mind you, if you hit the ball with a 57-ounce bat or some shit, then the weight of the bat would drive the ball. But you couldn't get the bat around on a 97-mile-an-hour pitch like that. It doesn't work. When you're talking about a rod of cork down the center of it, it's not like a super thin wall of the bat. No, no. It's very little cork. It's very small.

It's very little. I mean, it's just to take that. It's an extra little edge. It really doesn't matter that much, honestly. A couple ounces off of it. Yeah, like Babe Ruth used to swing a bat that was like a fucking railroad tie. I remember one time before a game, because they were talking about it was some anniversary of some Babe Ruth thing.

So they had a Babe Ruth bat, and they went around to a bunch of major leaguers and had them hold it. It's like Bam Bams from the fucking Flintstones. And they gave it to Mark McGuire, who obviously at the time was roided out of his mind and enormous. And he mind and enormous and he held it and he went good god he i couldn't he goes i couldn't hit a little league pitcher with this thing he goes this is the heaviest thing i've ever felt my life because i wouldn't know how i don't even know how you could hit anybody with this no less hit 60 home runs it's because

uh babe ruth was a big fat fuck he had a short he had the shortest little he had like a joe frazier left hook his swing it was like from here to here, and it was amazing. And he just throws his fat behind it. That's it. It was, yeah. Also, he had his good hips. He'd turn his hips. He did.

He turned those hips on him. It's all about hips and bat speed, my friend. It was just amazing to hear you talk about his hips. Hey. And his good hips. He turned them, man. Not sexy. And his hot hips.

Although he was a kind of, he's a thick bitch and a little sexy. Yeah, he was. You know what I'm saying? So now the umpires take the bat, lock it in the umpire's room to have it examined after the game. So while this is going on, basically everybody knows that Bell corks his bats on the team. It's a thing that they know. He corks his bats. So they send Jason Grimsley.

I don't know if this came out a a while ago this is a fucking great story jason grimsley's a relief pitcher i think at the time he was a starter kind of middle of the road guy who hung around hung around for a good number of years though sacrificial lamb he they sent him down through literally die hard style wow down through the air ducts. Go get that bat. It was the umpire's office was in the basement, like underground, where a lot of the clubhouses are and shit. Kind of the bowels of the stadium. In the sixth inning, they're pulling out the blueprints of the

stadium. Yeah. No, they sent him through the ductwork with a bat in his hand to replace it with, mind you, because they can't just steal the bat. So he says, they go through this, he says he went through a maze of duck work and ceiling tiles in comiskey park here he said quote grimsley says my heart was going a thousand miles an hour he said i got there he goes into the umpire's dressing room i went i just rolled the dice a crapshoot uh he says that he dropped from he

dropped from the top of the refrigerator to a counter and down into the office. Like a cat. Like a cat, like a cat burglar. He saw Bell's bat sitting there, so he exchanged it for Paul Sorrento's bat, who apparently doesn't cork his bat, although his bat says Paul Sorrento on it rather than Albert Bell,

but that's a separate issue. Same color. Yeah, he could have said, hey, they said they weren't identical, but at that point what are they going to say somebody broke in through the ceiling and fucking stole it you know what i'm saying like right who the fuck come on uh so he said they had to replace it with one of sorrento's because all of bell's bats were corks every one of all of them you couldn't

replace with one of his uh so anyway he ended up being suspended for seven games. Albert Bell did. It was reduced from 10. And Omar Vizquel said about it, quote, guys were saying, oh, my God, the bat is corked. My response was, what? I felt a little bit like the way I felt when I first heard the true identity of the tooth fairy. I can be naive at times, but I'm not stupid. Certainly not stupid enough to steal Albert's corked bat and replace it with one that looked

completely different. One that was autographed by Paul Sorrento because it has his signature on it. That wasn't even a nice try. The problem, of course, was that all of Albert's bats were cork. That's what he said, too. So that's why he got suspended. They knew that there was a switcheroo

because how is it out Paul Sorrento's bat now? We saw the bat. We saw it said Albert Bell on it. Now it doesn't. Come on, dude. Jesus Christ. Get it together. Not just the name.

He said it looked completely different. So he's using the white one. This is not the same bat. This is a different bat. Yeah, it's a different tape on the hand. All sorts of different shit. It's hilarious. Ridiculous.

But 94, the strike short in the air. He plays in 106 games. He has, Jesus Christ, a.357 batting average. Unreal. Which doesn't win him the batting title. Paul O'Neal's was.359 that year. Oh, damn it. Lost it to Paul O'Neal.

He's one of my favorite players. I love him. Another guy just destroyed the dugout with a bat when he struck out. What a player. But he's a great player. Yeah, same thing. Good arm, right fielder, hell with a bat when he struck out. What a player. He's a great player. Yeah, same thing. Good arm, right fielder, hell of a player, average power. Albert, better player here.

36 home runs that year for Albert. So now the last three years, 34, 38, 36 in homers. Yeah, he's a mid-30s guy. 101 ribbies because there's not a lot of time to get a lot of ribbies. He's an all-star, third in the MVP voting, and winner of the Silver Slugger again, and recipient of $2,775,000 as a salary. So, 95 is when he really gets crazy. The better he gets on the field, the crazier he is off the field.

That's what I don't understand. It's not like when his talent starts to go downhill, and then he can't take it, and he acts out no he the more he can get away with it the more he does it that's what makes me say he's more of an asshole that i don't want to like him because he does what he can get away with when he's home with his mom and dad he's going to act like a nice kid because he doesn't want to get his ass whooped when he's in college he can get away with a little more but not too much more and he'll still try hard once he's making millions of dollars and is the star of the team and he's needed, then fuck you. I'll do whatever I want.

I mean, at what point do you get to do that? You know what I mean? Yeah. I hope we can get there soon. At $3 million in Cleveland. Because I'd love to. At $3 million in Cleveland, you are a fucking sultan. You should be a partner in the team for that much money back then.

The fuck were they worth? You should be passing laws at minimum. Yeah, they didn't even have the new stadium man that shit uh what was a municipal muni or what the fuck was the name of it cleveland municipal municipal stadium i think it was yeah it was probably a pool in that i think it was that you could get into for 75 cents oh i've been like a rusty jungle gym you could play on kids would get fucking tetanus on and shit so 95 144 for the indians big turnaround yeah that's right from the strike here it's a short season too because it started late because of the strike uh the uh the indians here they go on in the and they sweep the red socks in the

divisional series playoffs by the way the red socks also uh albert bell had a home run and they had his bat pulled and tested. Those bats. And it actually wasn't corked this time. So I think he learned he couldn't do that anymore. Or he had a dummy one. Or he was smart enough to have backups. He can search this one.

Where's Grimsley? Get the blueprints out. You got Fenway blueprints here? Then they win five. Jesus, they beat the Mariners in six games. That was after the Mariners beat the Yankees and broke my heart as a teenager. Don Mattingly's first time going to the playoffs, and they killed it. And then they go all the way to the World Series against the Braves.

They do. That year, he had 143 games played. Like we said, the season was a little short. He hits 317. Listen to these fucking stats. 50 home runs, 126 RBI, 52 doubles, 121 runs. Wow. That is obscene.

Obscene, obscene, obscene. He got around 121 times? Yeah, that's what I mean. And then drove in 126. Well, 50 of them are both because that's a run at an rbi but jesus christ 52 doubles thing about that is doubles become home runs with power guys who hit a lot of doubles not a lot of home runs like man if he had a little more power those shots to the alley be over the wall that's how it goes normally that means he's just crushing shit deep to the alleys the home runs doubles just

ripping balls everywhere that's awesome uh very very impressive he's the first player ever in the major leagues to hit 50 homers and 50 doubles in the same season ever ever still today never i don't know if today but he's the first player at the time that never happened before the first to fucking do it which is incredible that's a had one of the greatest years in the history of baseball here was an all-star second in the mvp voting does not get mvp for that unreal nobody's ever done it before no move on move on gets it move on gets a silver slugger we should probably do one on him too he's kind of a dick i don't know about criminality though on him uh he's uh he's the sporting news player of the year and baseball digest player of the year uh he says uh albert says if you told me i was going to hit 50 home

runs i'd have probably laughed at you it's a sin it's been a cinderella storybook season so uh in the world series though they lose to the braves four to two that's all those great braves teams that's the one that that actually won the goddamn series they had to beat the indians this year they had manny ramirez in there they got eddie murray uh for a minute this year also Great Braves teams. That's the one that actually won the goddamn World Series. They had to beat the Indians. This year, they had Manny Ramirez in there. They got Eddie Murray for a minute this year also. This was a stacked team. Not too bad.

Now, 1995, during the World Series, before Game 3, there's batting practice. And Bell, like we said, doesn't like people talking to him during batting practice. Shut your fucking mouth. No. It's the World Series, though. Oh. And so the World Series is a media circus. There's going to be some chatter. There's a lot. And there's a lot of media members because TV does pregame shit and stuff like that.

So there's interviews in the dugout. And those are going. And they're all scheduled. And this has been set up. They don't just bum rush the dugout and go, talk to me stick microphones and people they're set up through pr people i get this guy for this long i get that guy for that long so uh there's a bunch of media members there including hannah storm oh who nbc reporter and she's been around forever great reporter done sports for yes the fucking around then she's yeah she's really good yeah she's really does her shit

really well uh she and she took a lot of shit because she's one of the first kind of big time female sports people so she did take a lot of shit she says about the incident well let's let her describe it quote initially he screamed at all the media to get out of the dugout in language that was horrible two or three of the men left they were frightened i was the only one who stayed because i was waiting to do an interview with kenny lofton when i stayed he directed his tirade at me i've been told by baseball people that their hands are tied on this because they know they will appeal any he will appeal any action taken in light of the fact that major league baseball promised swift action after the world series i'm very disappointed i was hoping that baseball would send a message that verbal abuse and intimidation

is not tolerated in the workplace. So he just yells at her, calls her every fucking name in the book. Yeah. He said he doesn't think he should be fined or suspended for this. Why? He says, quote, if that's what Bud Selig wants to do, I'll just tell him that's bullshit. If I have to be suspended for trying to get back, trying to get back some space that he as commissioner should have given us in the first place no it's the world series dude that's part of it man it's just part of it it sucks yeah that's the thing again i get it yeah

i get it that that's annoying and i get that you'd be like man fuck i just want to hit my but you can't there's an all-day you're a professional dude fucking day you're just a professional you have to at that point you've got a few minutes before each game that you have to man you gotta make it a fucking story so he says uh now bell is later on he's fined 50 grand in order to go psychiatric undergo psychiatric counseling uh i don't know he had to have said he never did that oh he said some obscene shit, yeah. He said it was bullshit. Albert Bell was pissed. He said, his agent said he agreed with his client, his agent, Bell's agent, Arn Tellem.

Tellem, Arn. Arn Tellem. Literally, that's his name. T-E-L-L-E-M. Tellem, Arn. Arn Tellem. Arn Tellem. He said, quote, the fine is without any precedent and is totally unjustified but we

had no choice but to accept the fine given that selig had no remedy to go before someone neutral to hear this matter because you know they went to bud selig he was the one that decided it would be like marcia clark deciding deciding the fate of oj simpson yeah it's a commissioner thing i agree with the commissioner things in sports is bullshit yeah you can't have an arbitrary arbitrary hearing well either that or you have to you have to have something like that like roger goodell is hired by the owners so that's his job is to keep the owner's money in place has nothing to do with the players that's why the players have their union and all that kind of shit you can't baseball's the same way yeah it's the same thing commissioners are hired by owners so he has their interests it's a conflict of interest crazy it's absolutely crazy for them to decide

it's basically you have to do he's the whim of the owners guess what he's not going to stand up to the owners because guess what they'll do fucking fire him it's not like he has a 10-year contract that can't be broken for any reason sent down from the mountaintop you just hire him and fire him you know who does have a contract? It's Albert Bell, and there should be things in there, and verbiage discusses this. Now, the Cleveland general manager, silver-haired, middle-aged white man Hart here, he says that Bell, he later on says,

Bell apologized sincerely to her, is what he said. Did he? No. No. He says, Bell said that he said he said quote you've got to stop wearing your hair like that to hannah storm after the incident i thought you were leslie so he said he mistook mistook her for someone that he didn't like he thought she was uh he thought she was leslie visser he said so that's how it goes they look entirely different they don't look the same

he's full of shit he's a smart guy yeah he says, quote, the Indians wanted me to make a statement of regret when the fine was announced, but I told them to take it out. I apologize for nothing. Which you got a fucking. That's great. Then he says, quote, I talked to the media. They just didn't like the words I gave them. I did talk to her.

You're a fucking cunt. Fuck out of my dugout. I feel like you got it. Or I fucking put something in yours oh god so he makes 4.5 million dollars for this season now so for 50 homers 50 doubles and all he had to do was pay 50 grand to do it that's it so the mvp vote he doesn't get the mvp which is crazy honestly for the year and they went to the world series and everything and he says quote actually i'm surprised i know that the postseason doesn't count but still i'm surprised i think i am surprised i

got as many votes as i did he said uh they've first place votes movon got 12 he got 11 so i mean it was close it was close for the red socks yeah yeah he's red sock then he said quote i'm kind of upset that they give baseball writers all this power when other media people who were former former baseball players should be involved in the voting, too. Maybe it should be 50 50 with those guys in the writers or maybe not let the baseball writers vote at all. I don't know the guys that write about baseball know the most about baseball. Yeah, they're all fucking old guys still watch every fucking game. He's just saying that they have beefs because he's yelled at them and called them names.

Right. There's no way Hannah Storm. She probably voted for Mo. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. Anyone who likes Hannah Storm and knows her and thinks she's OK. He says, I feel like myself and the city of Cleveland are in the same boat. We're made for each other.

A few years ago, everybody had bad thoughts on Albert Bell. I feel that has changed. If I had to do it again from day one of childhood, I wouldn't change a thing. Not one. Not one thing. I'm perfect. Five people are injured and one Hannah Storm's feelings are hurt. She's, yeah.

Not one thing. No, not a goddamn thing. Not even his domestic violence conviction. Five injured people. So they asked him, why don't you speak to the media? And he says, this is his explanation. He says, quote, I don't get excited talking about myself. Guys such as Sandy Koufax, Joe DiMaggio and Steve Carlton did not did not interview.

And it was no big deal. They were quiet. I'm also quiet. I just want to concentrate on baseball. Why does everyone want to hear me talk anyway? Well, Sandy Koufax never fired a ball into a fan's chest from 15 fucking feet away. I never remember that. I don't know. Sandy Koufax never fired a ball into a fan's chest from 15 fucking feet away. I never remember that. I don't know if Sandy Koufax called Hannah Storm anything horrible in front of people.

Joe DiMaggio, I'm pretty sure people yelled filthy guinea from the fucking stands in 1938 at him. And then in between innings, he banged their daughters under the stands. That's the thing. That's what would happen there. Which, I mean, the slurs are another thing. But, I mean, again, different type of situation. And Steve Carlton was just a real... thing that's what would happen there and which i mean the slurs are another thing but i mean again different type of situation and steve carlton was just a real i think he was boring people had no interest in talking to him after a while they're like he's fucking boring if albert

bell was just boring right they'd come over they get his standard had a good game i don't know if they get that quote and they walk away like bill belichick they just they'd give up after a while they wouldn't fucking do it but hannah wasn't even there for him no he was there for kenny lofton he's like hey man i'm getting on tv cut the shit out so halloween night 1995 okay he shouldn't have anything to do with halloween being an adult and everything but he does uh his home is pelted with eggs yeah by teenagers okay who were. They knocked on the door. He said, we're not giving out. He didn't just turn the lights off.

He would open the door and say, I'm not giving out any fucking candy. He kept the lights on but told these motherfuckers you're not getting any candy. You dick. Guess what the implied societal thing that we've all... Eggs. This is what it is. Eggs and teepee. If you're not giving out candy, you turn all your lights out.

No one can get mad at that. You fuck with us, we fuck with you. You turn your lights on, you invite people to fucking knock on your door, your outside light, they knock on the door, you don't have candy, and you tell them, you didn't say, I'm sorry, I just ran out. That's another story. He said, I'm not giving out shit. Go fuck yourself.

Get off my lawn. Trick or treat. that's an implied contract once you open your door to children in costumes you are consenting to this implied contract that they're going to say trick or treat and you're consenting to that by opening the fucking door with your light on you're inviting them in and then when they do and you open the door well contract sign they tricked them. We'll put it this way. Albert's quote is, quote, as soon as the door closes, we hear a bombardment of eggshells on my door. A bombardment.

So I come outside and chase them. As soon as I caught up with him, by the way, go outside and chase them. He doesn't mean he ran after them. He drove a car? He got in his truck and chased them down the street. So that's what you need to understand. Oh, my God. His next sentence has to do with him in a car, not on foot. Okay, again, though.

Again, valid. Yes. Not the way to handle it. And that's not even the point point of like going after the target no it's the shrapnel that's around that you could fucking kill so many kids focus laser focus that's the thing proportionality not an issue and laser focus on his goal whether it's reading backwards doing math becoming an eagle scout tying knots being a business leader of whatever the fuck national honor society national getting good grades or running down children who fucking Eagle Scout tying knots, being a business leader of whatever the fuck. National Honor Society.

National, getting good grades, or running down children who fucking eggs your house. Throwing up, whipping a baseball at a man's chest is not near as reckless as that. No. Halloween night. This is crazy. It's dark outside. There's children everywhere. You could kill so many kids.

I have a feeling he lives in a nice neighborhood, which probably has lots of children. You know how it is in nice neighborhoods. That's where all the kids are. They don don't live there people take their kids to nice neighborhoods to trick-or-treat duh i do fuck yeah you know so uh stay in my house yeah you'll get nothing nothing from these fucking people around me this neighborhood's nice but yeah all these other neighborhoods i've ever lived in terrible he said as soon as i caught up with him i slammed on the brakes and was jumping out of the car, and I was going to run after him. Why?

You're going to beat up a child? He said, it was raining, and it was kind of mucky back there. The truck kind of skidded or whatever, and it slid, and I bumped him with the truck. He hit a child with a car. With a car. Unbelievable. After chasing him with a car, not accident he fell down and as soon as he fell down he jumped back and started running yes because you're a giant psychopath you just

ran him over chased him with a car and hit him with it that's not a proportional response to children hitting your house with eggs on halloween after you just told them i don't have candy get off my fucking property what the fuck this is this is legitimately the most unhinged i've ever heard of anybody crazy we've heard of unhinged people this is this is like barrett robbins wrestling a gun out of a cop's hand this is the same level of crazy and reckless this is nuts so uh, Jesus Christ. So he called the cops about this and said on the way out there, I guess he called the cops and he said, quote, you better get someone over here because if I find one of them, I'll kill them. That's what he tells the cops on the phone. Again, just in legal advice for you from your attorney here from the law firm of Petrogallo and Wisman. I have to tell you a little legal advice.

Don't call the cops and say who you're going to kill. That's probably a bad sign. They save all that shit, and they'll remember. They know. It's weird. There was a mom that had a kid that was acting up, and she called the cops and said, If you guys don't get it here, there's going to be a 187 in this motherfucker. And she called the cops and said, if you guys don't get it here, there's going to be a 187 in this motherfucker. She sent that shit on the phone to scare the kid.

The cops showed up and arrested Ma. You can't threaten murder. There's going to be a 187 in this motherfucker. I will kill all my fucking children. That's what's happening here. This is fucking crazy. Wow. He says about this after that, everything that happens, by the way, he's always the victim.

That's the other thing. He says, quote, I feel like I was targeted. What do you mean? Like targeting someone with your car and hitting them with it? Like that sort of target? That's a funny way to put it after you throw a baseball in a man's chest and hit a child with a car. Targeting is something you do. You ran down a child with a truck and smacked him with it. That's amazing.

Unbelievable. I feel like I was targeted. It's a shame when people target athletes. No, they targeted someone who told them there was no fucking candy on Halloween when you had your lights on. Just don't answer the door or they wouldn't want to wait. You could have been a lawyer of anybody. You could have just been some dude, a goddamn Eagle Scout. It doesn't matter what your profession is today.

The point is, you said no candy. It doesn't matter. You said no candy. We target you. You're just the guy. You have a verbal contract. Trick or treat. That's all you are.

Opening the door on halloween opened you up to that sorry uh he said if they had would have done the same thing to my next door neighbor and had my neighbor chased them they wouldn't have filed a report i think they would have you hit him with a car uh i made a decision five years ago to live in a community and be involved in the community and i never expected people to harass me they're children who threw eggs at your house on halloween he acts like people are like fucking chanting shit at his kid when he goes they go to school like they're chanting albert sucks and putting signs on his lawn and you know no no they didn't show up on march 4th and knock knock in costume this is that would be weird that

would be weird yeah no one showed up there was no cross burning on your front yard. No one heckled you with racial slurs from which that would have been right. Hey, if you're on my front lawn, you yelling racial slurs at me. I'm going to chase you down with my truck at that point. That would be understandable. I go, yeah, get that motherfucker. He's at your house. He could be a dangerous lunatic.

These are children. This is normal. That's why they have eggs. This is why they have Halloween. Yeah. He is. He ends up, Albert is convicted of reckless operation of a motor vehicle and fined $1,000, which seems light. Yeah.

Luck, but they're going to sue him, so don't worry. There you go. They sue him. The teenager's guardian here, a woman named Sandra Abdul-Razik of Cleveland Heights, is seeking $300,000 in the lawsuit, which forget more than that. Watch out. Good. Listen to this shit.

The all the three teenagers were found delinquent for throwing out. I don't know. The court is at an official declaration for throwing eggs at the house here. They were ordered to perform a community service for that. They got community service. And during this lawsuit, they get Albert up there. And Albert, this is when all the old arrests come out. Is there ever convicted of anything violent?

Because you have a temper on you, don't you? Like, when were you convicted? Well, then he had to say, he had to admit I was convicted in 1988 of domestic violence. Did you ever climb a wall and beat the shit out of somebody? There's that. 92, assault conviction. Also comes out, he's a gambler. Oh.

It comes out that he recently lost about $40,000 gambling on sports. What? Which is not. What sports? Baseball goes, what? What was that? We either heard that or we didn't. I don't know.

Pete Rose has signed an autograph somewhere. Not just me. Not just me. He said he bet on pro football, college basketball, and golf games with friends, which is Charles Barkley style. He said that he never violated baseball rules by betting on baseball, which baseball is boring to bet on anyway. So I get that. His lawyer said that they're trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. Sports betting is common

in locker rooms he says which it's absolutely common especially card games dominoes whatever the fuck people play just gather guys with a bunch of money and a lot of time to kill you gamble that are competitive that's the other thing they're highly competitive and it's not just you get people in a room that are bored in in the army guys would fucking gamble with whatever they had a guy wherever if you're just stuck there you do it you know it's a way to beat somebody people in a room that are bored in in the army guys would fucking gamble with whatever they had a guy wherever if you're just stuck there you do it you know it's a way to beat somebody in something and compete uh he says we bet on everything baseball our basketball games football games horse racing auto racing it's no different than anyone else's office pool true uh he says

that uh it's ridiculous to fucking even make this an issue unless you caught him betting on his own team in baseball it doesn't fucking matter so yeah this an issue, unless you caught him betting on his own team in baseball. It doesn't fucking matter. So, yeah, this was a big deal. His lawyer said that he's never gambled on baseball games, which would be obviously suspension for life worthy for baseball. Really, it's just against your own team. That's the only thing I care about.

You can't bet for him either, because then if you bet against, the point is, that was the thing with Pete Rose. If you bet for your team, for your team, and then the day you don't bet for your team, you're telling everybody that that day, it's a tip to the gamblers. You better bet on yourself every game. If you bet on them 162 games,

that would be a different story. But the day you don't bet on them, you're telling everybody, we're not going to win that day. I don't know. The manager doesn't have confidence if it's Pete Rose. Like, that pitcher I'm starting sucks, so I'm not betting today.

That's the flag. Everybody goes, did Pete bet? No, okay. And then the line changes. Okay. Yeah, it's one of those things. I'm starting sucks, so I'm not betting today. That's the flag. Everybody goes, did Pete bet? No? Okay. And then the line changes. It's one of those things. I'm on board with that. They don't want anybody deep. But betting against your team is the most fun. That's obviously the ridiculous. Yeah. So his lawyer says, none of this stuff

had anything to do with baseball. Absolutely none of it. His agent said so, too. He said, Albert's done nothing wrong or illegal. Albert Bell has never bet on a baseball game. And yeah, that's how it works. They said that the teen is injured from this whole thing.

He says that he would pay in money orders of $10,000 to pay his debts, basically. $10,000 money orders are how he would do it. Now, they said that they're talking about putting him on probation in baseball for gambling or he can't do gambling anymore uh they the baseball representative said we'll look into the situation as we do with a lot of things but no

decision has been made the jerry reinsdorf the owner of the white socks here because he's going to sign with the white socks later on he says there's no indication that Albert bet on baseball games. So at the moment, we're not worried. Didn't they talk about could he face criminal charges for gambling in Ohio? Because it's bullshit. No. Now, this is the first time this has happened. A probationary thing since Lenny Dykstra.

Yeah. 1991. Dykstra was on probation for one year for testifying because he took part in high stakes poker games. Again, who fucking cares if guys with a lot of money want to bet on each other for poker i don't give a shit bet as much as you want i don't care that's you're you're an adult it's your business does kind of encourage drug use though you know what i mean like illegal shit yes not get high stakes gambling game you don't think so that's all about competitive drinking whiskey smoking

cigars and shit like that fucking crazy amounts of blow nah i mean if people if those people are in the blow but i mean lots of people do that and aren't in the blow it's just they like gambling they're high as cocaine goes with poker like oh well yeah because you can stay up and do it but i mean i don't know if it goes with good decisions no so bell finally reaches a settlement that for $850,000 is the agreement here. $850,000. I'm trying to think of if that. They were going to go to civil trial otherwise. Wow.

So it's $850,000 is what he settles for. That's a lot. That's a big chunk. That's huge. It's the best egg throwing ever. I wish I would have thrown an egg at Albert Bell's house. Depends on how hard he got thumped with the car. Yeah, if he has no permanent injuries,

it's great. He did pop back up and keep running. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, which I mean with the adrenaline of being chased by a psychopath in a car. You can do that with a broken leg. Yeah, people get shot and they get up and keep running because his adrenaline. So, during the offseason, Bell and

Jose Mesa, the big closer for the team, they were the Indians' co-most valuable players that year. And they were to receive awards at the big Indians' luncheon, and Bell never showed up. And they said, why didn't you show up? And he went, just shrugged. He had another game. I don't know. No, he didn't even give an excuse. Nothing.

Nothing. Just didn't come. Didn't show. That's it. April 6, 1996. He't show. That's it. April 6th, 1996. 1996. He's still with the Indians here. Sports Illustrated photographer Tony Tomsic.

Basically, Tomsic took his photo from a long range during warmups, and Bell had gestured to him not to take his photo. And so he still took his photo because his job is to fucking take photos of people he works for sports illustrated wasn't right next to him with a camera in his face he was well away from him not bothering albert at all so albert threw a baseball at him oh my god real fucking hard just missed him so yeah but to throw one at a fucking sports illustrated photographer now you're getting crazy the press has to be able to cover the goddamn game that's how you sell tickets right so uh yeah this 96 doesn't start out great for albert uh the team though finishes 99 and 62 not bad they lose to the orioles though in the divisional series then

the orioles lose to the yankees who won the world series that year and uh also this year he agrees to do albert does a cleveland areaarea McDonald's TV commercial. Look at him. For $25,000, he's going to get for that. Is that good? I don't know. It's one day. Cleveland, that's pretty decent. Well, I mean, to show up for an afternoon and go, I like Big Macs.

Oh, is that how it is? It's just a commercial. Yeah. It's an early morning shoot, and it's in April, and he doesn't show up. Oh, boy. So they say, okay, the next day, the next day, and he doesn't show up oh boy so they say okay you know the next day the next day and he doesn't show up again so they finally just got mike hargrove the manager to fill in and he did it and got the 25 grand because albert didn't want to show up and take it that's no show ever absolutely so uh that year he hits his 21st home run which who gives a shit right he has a lot of home runs

that year but uh he does hit his 21st home run and a man named uh a man named ken logan catches it okay now albert is collecting all of his home run balls he wants them all every one of them wants them all god damn it he's started collecting everything pokemon it's yeah he's getting everything so uh logan the guy who caught it didn't want to give bell the ball he said well i want a sign ball if i give you this didn't want to give Bell the ball. He said, well, I want a signed ball. If I give you this ball, I want to call a home run ball. I want to keep it or I'll give it to you, but give me a signed ball back. Give me something back, which is what they just always do anyway. They give you a bat, a ball, a jersey, whatever the fuck.

They just give you some shit. Give me my fucking cup. Just give me the ball. They give you some shit. So he wanted the ball back. He said he's saving all the balls, he says, in case he hits more home runs than Roger Marris in a season, in case he breaks that record. In case he breaks a record, he wants to have all the balls so he can, I don't know, what the fuck, make a collage out of them.

He, this is, oh my God. So he does it. The guy ends up saying, okay, he brings the ball back to Albert in the clubhouse. They bring him down there. He says that he just gave me a different baseball autograph by Albert. He said it'd be a cool souvenir. And, you know, he said he wanted to show it to his kids and all that kind of shit. So this is fucking funny.

Albert said, no, no, I don't want to do that. And then he said to him, quote, no. Then he said, bye. Then he said, then he said get lost go away oh just just give me my ball now scram he said see you wouldn't want to be what letter don't you understand the n or the o wow the guy should have said fuck you give me my fucking ball i'll keep my ball you can eat shit samesies about the ball that you want from me fuck you so that was after he took it which word don't you understand fuck or you fuck or you eat or shit which one don't you get huh fucking dildo so uh yeah i'm fucking real he was like um what the fuck albert bell's a piece

of shit he's a total dick what a piece of garbage later on a kid asked him at one point hey can i have your autograph? It really make my day. And he said, I bet it would. And he kept on trotting by. That's the type of asshole he is. He enjoys being a dick to people. That's what I'm saying.

It's not a matter of he can't help it. He likes it. He seems to really like the fact that he can control how you feel because you pissed something pissed him off. Wow. It's weird, dude. He says that he didn't do it because the fans out there in left field where that guy was sitting not necessarily that guy fans in left

field where he was playing were taunting him all night so he's not giving any of them a fucking autograph what doesn't he understand about competitive sports dude it's ridiculous uh so this that's what i mean this is total bullshit the team ended up like giving him a bunch of stuff they gave him tickets to like cavaliers games which who the fuck wants that in 1996 somebody else go see mark price bore you to tears no uh so uh the white socks here now at this other point uh later on enjoyed danny fairy's jump shot yeah Yeah, that's exciting, huh? Isn't it great you get to see so much of his leg? Hey, look at Brad Doherty.

Isn't he? Wow, look at him run. Look at Hot Rod Williams. Enjoy the legs. Jesus Christ. All the legs down here at Cavaliers Stadium. What do they even play at? Who knows?

Jesus Christ. Another time here, there's a cameraman for wgn which is the big chicago station that broadcasts nationally here and uh mike hargrove said eyewitnesses told him that bell got a cup of gatorade and drank all but about an inch of it then turned around and kicked it at the cameraman to make sure to get shit all over him other people said that bell threw the cup at him. But either way, he threw some Gatorade on a fucking cameraman for no reason.

And he said that Bell, it comes out that Bell was upset that the cameraman had photographed him after an out earlier in the game. He put the camera on him as he walked off the field. You know, like they do in baseball. There's a certain shot sequence in baseball. You know what I mean? There's the pitch from here, then the hit, so they go to the other side the turnaround if there's a

base throw it's over here then they show the guy trotting off the field every fucking single time since i don't know 1948 since they started broadcasting fucking baseball it's the same shots for the love of christ uh yeah uh he says he doesn't give a shit they asked him about it and he just laughed that was it uh yeah the manager here my car poor my car broke he says quote we've talked to him 100 times telling him that he's got to realize that when he blinks it's taken negatively do you think it's do i think it's fair no but then again a lot of what's happening he brought on himself fair Fair and fucking fair. That year, Elaine Boosler, the comedian, you know who she is?

She threw out a first pitch. Oh, what did he say about her? During that season. No, no, no. Not her. She didn't know what was going on. She's not a big, you know, whatever. She wasn't paying attention.

She's on the road. She's not seeing it. She's just there promoting her fucking theater show. Yeah. She threw out the first pitch. Yeah. She was in town that weekend. And she said, quote, they asked me if there was anything special they could do for me i asked

if i could have a ball signed by albert bell they said wow you really are a comedian she was like what the fuck why not she had no idea why that was like a there's no way you're getting that why can't i get a ball from the left fielder i don't get why that's bad so uh i thought you can get one from anna storm if you want i'm sure she'll give you one now that year on the way to second base um okay there's a ball he's on first base running a second there's a ball hit it's a it's a chopper a slow hit chopper to second base what hit like uh it's played in like on the baseline and it's toward the first base side of second base. It's not up the middle or anything like that. Fernando Vina fields it.

Albert Bell's on first base. Vina fields it. It goes to throw it to first and Albert Bell fucking destroys him. Like it's home plate. Forearms. No. Forearms to the fucking chest and chin. Knocks him fucking head over heels.

I mean, he's a tiny guy. Albert's huge at this point. Fucking, I mean, obliterates him. It's the hardest thing I've ever seen in a baseball field. It's fucking crazy. If a quarterback took that hit, they'd take him off the field for concussion protocol. It's fucking nuts, dude. It is crazy.

Absolutely blasts him. He was suspended two games and agreed to pay a $25,000 fine. But people took it as Albert Bell wanted to go after Vina. It turns out later on, Bell does an interview with Spike Lee on Real Sports in 1997. And he says that the first base coach, Dave Nelson, ordered him to break up a double play with force. He said, really fucking give it to him. Let him fucking know about it. uh so that's what it was and he said they spoke about it for a long time and then he went out and did this problem was vini wasn't

even turning the double play breaking up a double play means the guy who catches it and does the fucking turn the first you hit him which is fine to slide into him not anymore but it used to be you know when baseball was for fucking adults and people who wanted to play a game and i never i'm done with this shit so anyway it's ridiculous though he's just in the baseline he just said boom fucking knocks him out it's ridiculous breaks his nose uh he hit him in the face oh yeah got him in like the fucking shin and face it's wild hat was flying off i mean he blasted him dude it's it's impressive uh that year though 96 he plays 158 games hits 311 with 48 homers and 148 ribbies so nobody cares yeah uh all-star third in the mvp balloting silver slugger five million seven hundred thousand seven hundred dollars jesus not too fucking shabby uh that year uh a couple of things about him he has a lot of outbursts

uh all the time buster olney is a baseball writer he wrote about him uh quote it was taken in baseball circles that albert was nuts the indians billed him ten thousand dollars a year for the damage he caused in clubhouses on the road and at home and tolerated his behavior only because he was an awesome slugger he slurped uh he slurped coffee constantly and seemed to be in a perpetually caffeinated frenzy few escaped his wrath on some days he would destroy the post-game buffet launching plates into the shower after one poor at bat against boston he retreated to the visitor's clubhouse and took a bat to kenny lofton's boombox. Wow. Beat your own shit up. What the fuck?

He's breaking other people's shit. Other people's shit. Also, he liked to have the clubhouse really cold. He wanted it to be freezing in there, like below 60 degrees, which is fucking cold. It's ridiculous. And one time, a teammate who was cold turned it up and Bell walked over, turned down the thermostat, and then smashed it with his bat so no one could adjust it.

That's a hell of a way to do it. That's crazy. That's what crazy people do that have hostages and shit. That's insane. The only way for it to be crazier is to look the guy in the face when you do it. You know he did.

You know he smashed it. It was like 60. Like my grandmother used to yell at me to keep it at 62. Right. I couldn't have it above 62, though. She could hear it go on. She knew if it was on 63. My 62.

I'm freezing, Grandma. It's cold in here. Please. Put on a jacket. Oh, gosh. That's what she... Ma, put more clothes on. It's just too many.

I don't have any more. It's just cold. My toes are cold. You know, it's cold in here, man. Yeah. So they called him Mr. Freeze after that. Okay. Because he's a pretty good.

He's not bad. November 1996. He's not happy with Cleveland. He signs the free agent with Chicago. The White Sox. It's the largest deal in MLB history at this point. 1996. A five-year, million dollar contract that is how

bad the strike damaged this sport because i didn't fucking know this at all and until the two years from then that's like a that's a contract for like an average an average dad darren dryford got five i think it's five years 55 million in 1998 and he was terrible so that became an average contract after a while uh he wasn't happy in cleveland he says it was because of all the off-season moves after the world series team was broken up he said after we went to the world series i told them please keep this team together well no shit it's everybody would like to but guys are free agents they want big money we'll win the world series a few times but only if it's kept together uh he said all they needed to do was

re-sign paulrento and Kenny Hill, and our off-season moves would have been over. We would have been set, and we would have brought back the same team, and I'm telling you we would have won more games, gone back to the series, and won it. When you go to a World Series, you can't tinker with the chemistry of a team because you fight so hard to get that kind of chemistry. Fair. But you also try to plug in other guys.

Now, another, Omar Var viskell after he left said quote i got tired of answering questions about him he was in his own little world he's a great player but he didn't contribute he didn't contribute to team chemistry and team chemistry is important so he said that he's talking about chemistry other people are saying he fucks with the chemistry mark mike hargrove said quote the manager some of the things surrounding albert were not good but you take the good with the bad because he hits 50 home runs a year yeah the facts of life indeed bud black said he nicknamed bud black who ends up being a pitching coach later on he says he nicknamed bell snapper because he snapped at everybody that's how he was uh other people just called him crazy shit like that oh crazy over there a little bit sexy uh yeah uh

one time uh dave nelson who was an indian that's the first base coach who told him to break up the play he said quote albert snapped at me he's gone off at other coaches you never know which albert's going to show up it's crazy too i think i mean i'm not i can't say for sure but i think probably steroids are an issue with him because there'm pretty sure he was definitely roiding. And there's a lot of rage here. Because, I mean, he went from being like 180 pounds when he came up to, you saw him later on, he's jacked. He's like 230 and fucking muscular.

Oh, my God. Not 180 pounds. He's a big, giant fucking beast. He's a piece of a man. He was being told what to do his entire life. And now that he's an adult, he wants to be able to do whatever he wants. But his mom still tells him what to do his entire life and now that he's an adult he wants to be able to do whatever he wants mom still tells him what to do well still but the rest of the world don't tell him a fucking thing dare tell me even if you're paying me five million dollars that's that's got

to be what it is yeah that's what it is it has to be psychologically authoritative issues he's got definitely authority problems uh 19 he says quote back in 1987 when they drafted me the indians were the only team interested in taking a chance on albert bell he's gone to third person holy shit he's on the other side and i made the most of it hopefully they got as much from me as i got from them going to a new team is like going to a new high school nobody knows you it's a chance to rebuild your image well let's get some new fucking hairstyles and sneakers and go there and tell them that you were cool in your old school why don't you i used to fuck the hottest girl right good for you nobody likes you here still you dummy no people are gonna hate you wherever you go if you're a dick they all know who you are yeah it's you can see it smell it on you

smell it he says on fans hating him it's expected that they're going to show their ignorance in Cleveland. He said Cleveland fans hating him. They've been in that situation before when Art Modell moved his team to Baltimore. They were so ignorant about that. They're ignorant about me leaving and going to Chicago. It's typical. He said leaving wasn't a personal thing where I intentionally wanted to stick it to management or anyone. This is business.

I felt I should have been rewarded for helping the Indians turn around a half century of losing. It was a shame they didn't treat me that way after all I did for them. I helped this team go from 106 losses to basically 106 wins and to the World Series. And what do I get for it? Nothing, except $5 million, $4 million, whatever. So not bad.

He says, the Indians didn't help me in dealing with the media. He said, I think they wanted to keep my market value down. Now he's saying that literally it's a conspiracy that the Indians caused him to be so shitty to the press because that would make him less valuable. And that would make him, that's the craziest conspiracy theory. They know I don't get along with others. No, he is fucking Alex Jones at this point. He's make him that's the craziest conspiracy he's like no he is fucking alex jones at this point he's literally that's what he is he's albert jones right now this

is fuck is alex jones middle name joan because if it is they could be the same person that's all i'm saying that's the craziest conspiracy theory i've ever fucking heard in my life yeah that's insane no team wants we'll get our star a terrible reputation that's what we want in our town star look unstable yeah we want our fans to boo our star that's what we want not to buy tickets to see him and buy his jersey no uh he says they didn't help him i think they wanted to keep my mouth my value down i'm moody i know that first honest thing he said so far i've made some mistakes but if i was a bad person, would someone want to pay me $55 million? Would I have a scholarship fund my mother runs that

pays kids to go to school? Because he does run scholarship funds. He does do shit on the side that's actually good. Now, the owner, Jerry Reinsdorf, said, I talked to a lot of people before we picked him. One of them was Frank Thomas, who personally lobbied for Bell. With him coming up, because he said that Thomas said

with him behind him in the lineup, he's going to see a lot of good pitches which is true here uh so yeah uh there's an si piece here where he is quoted as saying uh he doesn't really want to participate in it and he said sports illustrated can kiss my black ass which is one of the best quotes ever that is fantastic and i'll tell you right now anybody says it sports illustrated if you ever ever for some reason i don't know why you would but if you ever want to talk to me for any reason i will say the word sports illustrated can kiss my black ass it's fucking coming guaranteed i'd like to say that about a lot of things yeah because that is a solid especially sports illustrated man fuck them no i have no it's a super solid it's solid towards anybody you go Because that is a solid... Especially Sports Illustrated, man. Fuck them.

No, I have no... It's a super solid statement towards anybody. You nod and you go, all right then. There's not much you can say about that. He's right. He's right. He's right. They asked him about being a role model. He said, as far as the younger generation, I think the parents should be role models

for the kids. I'm just going to continue to be Albert Bell. I'm not going to change. Okay. Clearly not. 1997, he's put on probation by the league for gambling, finally. That all comes to a head there. Also, 1997, he starts playing for the White Sox.

Fans, when he goes to Cleveland, they boo him and chant shit at him and throw Monopoly money on the field at him. Because he took the money to leave. Oh, okay. Yeah, they're saying there. That's pretty good. What he did was put his hands behind his back like he has his glove behind his back with his hand and gave the fans the finger. I like that.

Which is pretty funny. I like that. He got suspended, though. He can't do that. You're going to get caught. Oh, yeah. There's also, he threatens a lawsuit with a burger chain telling a joke. There's a burger store, not a chain.

It's called Serino's. Serino's. It's in Rexville. I like it already. They put a $99.99 Albert Bell burger on the menu that obviously no one's going to order because it's so overpriced. It's a joke. But he said he was pissed.

Albert Bell is. The restaurateur, Eddie Serino, said it was more of a joke. I guess you could say I wasn't looking to sell anything. He's just making a joke. And instead, the menu described as a seven ounce burger having every topping, which still isn't enough. And that added the warning. No substitutions for loyalty to the fans or city of Cleveland. Clearly a joke.

Jesus Christ. He said Cleveland was so hungry for a winner all these years, they put up with it and they put up with a lot. He's been asked to appear before baseball officials. That was Bell. I'm sorry. So Bell is threatening a lawsuit, basically a cease and desist. They have to take it off the menu.

But why? Because it's an Albert Bell burger. Yeah, there's so many Albert Bells yeah there's so many albert bells so stupid that's what i'm saying i mean it's obviously but it's it's just who cares dude it's a fucking restaurant suburban cleveland the guy's not even making money off of it no it's a fucking joke it's so stupid when he goes here to he brings a buddy with him he brings his own posse just one guy to chicago chicago a guy from cleveland named len spacic and uh he brings him just to hang out with him now league rules say no outsiders can't can be in the locker room or in the clubhouse so they gave him a job the white socks did as security as a security guard so he could sit there without so he works there uh now they they called him

quote in this article a morose looking man of about 35 that's what they called spacek uh they said he acted like a bored bank guard he would just sit there he sat alone near the entrance of the clubhouse or across from bell as bell worked on crossword puzzles at his locker like he just had him there as like an ornament just in case though yeah they said the one article said quote there seems to be no camaraderie or rapport between the two but spacek was there just in case making bell all the more unapproachable of they called him a quote frigid ogre which is jesus uh yeah uh now fuck man it's it's interesting here so uh 1997 for the white socks they're 80 and 81 this is frank thomas ray durham ozzy gee and albert bell mike cameron

harold baines all that's right baines is 38 here he's already getting old they had tony pena too was getting old there now uh 1997 is the all-star game, which Albert makes, and it's in Cleveland. Oh. Uh-oh. Yeah. So he goes there, and they obviously boo the shit out of him. Like a motherfucker. His brother starts hanging around more now. His brother comes around. His brother has, like, an MBA.

Terry? Yeah, Terry's got, like, glasses, and Terry's, like, a put-together kind of guy. Oh, man. He says he's pissed at the fans. He says, it amazes me. He was in the community for 10 years. He did a of positive things and they still treat him badly will they boo roger clemens when he comes back to boston yes they did did he run any kids over that's the other thing he said i've always said it's a double standard albert bell should be in the same class as cal

ripken or ken griffey wow he was Eagle Scout. He played in the Junior Olympics. He's a Christian. Yeah. He was a Roberto Clemente Award nominee twice, and he's very genuine. Just because he doesn't like the spotlight doesn't mean he should be put in that category, and it doesn't.

No. The problem is he did all the other shit. That's what I mean. If it was just dude surly and he's private and doesn't want to talk to people, that's me. Right. I get it.

It's okay to be a morose ogre. I don't fucking lash out at other people. You know what I'm saying't want to talk to people. That's me. Right. I get it. It's okay to be a morose ogre. I don't fucking lash out at other people. You know what I'm saying? Frigid ogre. That's it. Yeah. I don't lash out. If you come up to me and you're nice enough and you like me, I'll talk to you and smile

and be a human being and be normal. You know what I'm saying? I might be uncomfortable inside, but I'm still going to talk to everybody. Also, Terbear. You're a fucking psychopath. You're a little biased here. Yeah, that's the other thing. It's your brother.

Twin. Right. Yeah, that's the other thing. It's your brother. Twin. Right. Yeah. Also, he leads the league in double plays grounded into this year with 26, which happens. He's an all-star here. Hits 274 with 30 homers, 116 RBI. Makes 10 million bucks. Wow.

This year, five-year, 55 mil. Yeah. It makes 10 million. I guess he does other escalators later he said he won't repeat halloween problems now he literally said quote now i live in a nice gated community so the kind of incident that happened in 1995 isn't going to happen we have 24 hours security and one thing i like about chicago is it's so big no one knows where i live the suburbs are way out yeah people still trick or

treat there and if you open the door and say i don't have any candy get the fuck off my lawn they're still gonna throw shit at your fucking house because that's what halloween is you asshole they got gates they can't get in no that's it uh his mom does his stuff uh his mom it's which is interesting they said his mother influences him to be private and that sort of shit. She says she's basically, they call her as a, quote, dominating the family, basically. She rules over that family with an iron fist,

the matriarch here. She invests Albert's money for him, so he has no control over that. When he needed a place to live in Chicago, she came there to scout properties. She bought a place, then had it totally decorated the day he moved in he uh he had a girlfriend there and everything he had never seen the place yet he walked in sight unseen my new home fully decorated this is right i guess i live here this will do mom just said picked all the shit out and

did it yeah thanks mom that's it uh she they said other a lot of people say that it's to her uh his mom that instilled his distrust of strangers and the media and all that sort of thing uh it's kind of his mom's thing but 1998 in chicago he says it's new albert time yeah new albert he says new albert and this is his statement on the world he's going to tell you the ills of society moral values have been thrown out the window Christianity is out the window and that's wrong parents should be at home teaching kids right from wrong making sure they get a great education so they could be in a success in life that's it he said people don't need to know what Albert Bell is thinking I've learned from my mistakes in the past and that's what's made me a better person i'm good now yeah i'm good now okay absolutely christianity morals jimmy you ran over a kid moral values have been thrown out the window and albert bell is not happy about it so july 21st

1998 he's arrested for domestic battery because that's very moral of you who'd he beat up um his fucking girlfriend let's see here stephanie bogusky who's 25 years old here uh he is uh charged with domestic battery for a fuck man hitting her then when she tried to call for help he ripped the phone off the wall and bashed that as well which is you're not allowed to do that. Absolutely not. Yeah. She wins a temporary restraining order against him, order of protection, I'm sorry, which is different, at a hearing.

He's released on a $3,000 bond and then is playing a game a few hours later at Comiskey Park. They didn't know about it. He just got out of jail, went to work, and they fucking started hitting. That was it. Boy. Nobody it. Boy. Nobody cares.

Yeah. He struck her, also broke a door and a window at her condo, and broke all the telephones in her apartment. Yeah. He did not resist arrest when police arrived and arrested him, which is good. He knew where to draw the line there. It's described by the police as Bell and Bogusky had a, quote, dating relationship. He's married with children, by the way. What?

Oh, there's going to be a few girls. He's always married with children. That's always on the table. He has a lot of side pieces, and they come up, and they go away, and they file fucking suits against him. It's crazy. What a great wife. Jesus, she is understanding as no kidding uh she said five

years 55 million all right so uh he is uh uh no not allowed any contact with this woman obviously it's domestic battery domestic battery criminal damage to property and interfering with the report of domestic battery in connection with that because you're not allowed to rip the phone out obviously uh now his his his lawyer said uh quote albert's assured me there's no merit to the charges brought against him here today he has full confidence in the legal system and we're confident that he's going to be vindicated in this matter well not too shabby uh the manager of the white socks said quote said no fucking comment. Not my problem. I don't know shit about it. Now, she says the woman, she says that she's frightened and the altercation has left her kind of shaken.

But she says she's known Albert for about a year and she'll still always be a White Sox fan. She said, quote, We go to every home game and I'm not I'm not going to not go. I'm sure that me going to the ballpark is not is not going to affect his performance at all that's what she said now bell attempted to have her banned from comiskey park that's how fucking petty this guy is fuck her i'm gonna have her banned from from comiskey uh and she said about that nothing that albert does surprises me so come on dude that is pretty incredible it's fucking amazing dude i mean this is crazy at this point he what does he even do with this i mean

he's in his gated community and there's a knock on the door and he's confident that it's not trick-or-treaters now it's not trick-or-treaters may it's not may it's it's a neighbor of his actually it's a man uh he wants to tell him that he's got a plentiful bounty in his garden, and he wants to know if he needs to share with Albert. It's Adam Arugula at Pac-Man Jones. Arugula connoisseur. He's at the door. He has no music.

No. Because he doesn't want any, because he needs to get right down to business, damn it. I need to get quiet. Got to get quiet. And he says, how is it you've come to arrive here? Okay, I understand how you came to arrive here, actually, because it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. A gentleman, first of all, what fan wouldn't like a souvenir?

That's the thing. They bring gloves to the games. They sit there. They wait for a foul ball. Well, guess what? You gave it to him. You just happened to throw it a little harder than he expected. It's still, I think it's a gesture.

Honestly, it's a gesture that's going to go a long way. And this young lady who you had this. Let's be real. We've all been in the situation. There's a people act a little. And it's not. It's a woman. It's a man.

It's a feller. It doesn't matter. They act all crazy. And there's no arugula, you know, nothing with these people. Now, she was saying, I'm going to call the authorities. Correct. That's what happened. I assume that's what I read. Yeah, I'm going to call the authorities. Correct? That's what happened. I assume that's what I read.

Yeah, I'm going to call the authorities. And you said, well, let me get the phone for you, you know, and ripped it from the wall. So big to bring it closer to the young lady so she could have a better chance of using it, obviously, because she had fallen down and hurt in her head. And I bought a poof and a poof of arugula and arrest warrants. Get back to the bridge club with his brother, Tehr. He's gone. Yeah. Jesus Christ, man.

Oh, my God. Unbelievable. Here's the ball, pal. Hey, boy. Hey, pal. Here's the ball for you. Now you're the jerk. Jesus Christ.

Right. So, 98. It doesn't fucking matter. He hits 328. Who cares? 49 homers. Jesus. 152 ribs.

That's a monster season. Three fucking 28 fucking 49 and 152. And he had 49 homers and 48 doubles. He almost did 50-50 again. That's got to be Royds, right? Which is crazy. You know what I mean. But, I mean, back home, that's got to be something with it, too.

Yeah, it's all the same thing. His instability and mood is crazy. It's way crazy. Especially, it's a change. And it's right when they said he's going to be drafted high right he all of a sudden had this move did you think he said i better fucking take roids right i don't i can't say that for sure obviously i don't by the way i don't give a fuck if people are taking take them all you want it's your body just maintain your fucking yeah you just can't act like an asshole i don't mind i don't care'm not like, oh, that's illegitimate. Barry Bonds, take his home runs.

I don't care. No. You know what? Everyone else has used steroids, too. None of them had fucking 700-something home runs. Who cares? Jesus Christ. It was a great season to watch.

Fuck you. You don't see Brady Anderson with 700-fucking-70 home runs or whatever. No. So, you know, Jesus Christ. Anyway, fuck, man. Cal Ripken Jr. ends his streak that year, his consecutive game streak. And when he does, Albert Bell takes over as the longest active player. Is that right?

Yeah, longest streak, which wasn't anywhere near Cal Ripken, but he hasn't missed a game other than suspension, which is an injury. Gotcha. So that's okay. Makes $10 million. His contract has a clause. It's basically a favored nations clause where if anybody else, so he would remain one of the three highest paid players in baseball.

Oh, wow. So he could renegotiate if somebody knocked him out of that category. That's in his deal. So he invokes the clause in october 98 when everybody was getting crazy deals 100 million dollar deals white socks declined to give him what he wanted so they negotiated it and finagled it so he could get out of it and be a free agent so he does and he signs a five-year 65 million dollar contract with the orioles here uh so yeah he starts he starts out uh talking to the media be a nice guy yeah and then he starts out poorly and uh hits 200 in the first like two weeks

of spring training and says quote i'm done with you guys and won't talk to them anymore uh you guys are doing this to me it's all you guys that's what it is someone someone has to do it to me. 98 Orioles suck. They had 78 wins. This is Charles Johnson, Delano DeShields, last year, or Ripken, or toward the end, BJ Serhoff, Brady Anderson, like I said. Yeah.

Now, at this point, Terry Bell, his brother, he says, quote, Albert Bell doesn't need to change his personality. He needs to change his image, which is related to him doing crazy shit with his personality. Same thing. Yeah. Yeah. He says also, quote, Albert Bell likes Ray Miller. He's the manager of the Orioles.

If anything happened, it happened in the heat of the battle because they got in an argument. It's over with. They're going to work it out. They both want to win. It amazes me how this is sensationalized, whereas 400 kids go to see their first game in texas and that was barely covered and 400 and four kids received albert bell scholarships to college and that wasn't covered either you motherfuckers so he paid for 400 kids to go see a baseball game and had a scholarship fund set up which by the way is all write-offs right so he needs to do that

shit when you have a 65 million dollar contract you got to set up some serious check not to say that he's not into that. That's the thing. That doesn't mean he's not enjoying it. Away from baseball, he might go do charity work and be a beautiful man that does wonderful things with children and the elderly and the infirmed and whatever the fuck. We don't know. But he really makes it hard for you to imagine that. Put it that way. The amount of money he's making, you've got to unload some of that.

And it helps you look good. So it's killing two birds with one stone. Totally. But when you punch women, I don't give a fuck how much charity you give. It's the thing. I don't care. Sorry. 99 with Baltimore here.

He hits 297, 37 home runs. He makes $11,949,794 that year. Good Lord. That's a shot there. In the 90s, he leads the major league through the 1990s with 1,099 RBI and led the majors in extra base hits in the 1990s, too, with 711. The whole 90s. Whole 90s.

Most ribbies, most. You wouldn't know that. Most ribbies in the 90s. You wouldn't albert bell right uh 2000 baltimore here uh this is when things it's he has 141 games his hip starts to bother him it's 281 with 23 homers 103 ribbies uh october 1st 2000 is the last step out of the season for him, and he hits a home run in his last at bat of the season. He makes $12,868,670 that year. Now, after the season, he is diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both his hips. Oh, shit.

And he is forced to retire. No kidding. Right then. Done. That's it. It's over. Last at bat was a homer, though, so that's kind of neat. Yeah, he's done. March 8th, done. That's it. It's over. Last at bat was a homer, though, so that's kind of neat. Yeah, he's done.

March 8, 2001, they say that he is on the disabled list, unable to perform. He's going to retire. Now, Baltimore's on the hook for about $40 million for him, which is interesting. Now, quickly, though, he had a.295 career batting average, 381 homers, 1,239 RBI. From 92 to 99, he hit at least 30 home runs and drove in 100 runs each year,

making him only the fourth player at the time to have a streak that long. It was Babe Ruth, Jimmy Fox, Lou Gehrig, and Albert Bell had a streak that long. That's a dominant streak. They talk about Hall of Fame in terms of year chunks. Fox, Lou Gehrig, and Albert Bell had a streak down the line. That's a dominant streak. Unbelievable. They talk about Hall of Fame in terms of year chunks. It's not even about cumulative things. It's how dominant were you for your generation. If you're an eight-year period, you had an eight-year period where you were the top three player in the league, that's Hall of Fame right there.

Dennis Rodman. Yeah. Sandy Koufax, if you look at his career numbers in the end, he doesn't have 300 wins because he was injured and had to retire early. But they said that time he was there, he was the most dominant pitcher in the league, Hall of Fame, even though his numbers don't add up in the end. He says, I look back over my career and I almost pissed it away. I got a second chance and I made the most of my opportunity. I played every game like it's the last of my career.

I mean, people think I'm too intense for baseball. I've always excelled to be the best no matter what it is but it's like people think that something's wrong with that uh yeah so he retires uh a daily news columnist here uh bill madden he says uh quote sorry there'll be no words of sympathy here for albert bell he was a surly jerk before he got hurt, and now he's a hurt surly jerk. He was no credit to the game. Bell's boorish behavior should be remembered by every member of the Baseball Writers Association when it comes to consider him for the Hall of Fame. I hate that shit.

Don't use your personal grudges for the Hall of Fame. Look it on the field. That off-field shit is such bullshit. That's a guy that's not in the Hall of Fame. That's what I mean. Come on. Ty Cobb's in the Hall of Fame. That's what I mean. Come on. Ty Cobb's in the Hall of Fame, period. The horrible things he didn't say.

That's it. He's a great player. It starts and ends there, man. That's the end of it. So let him in. Football has it right. Lawrence Taylor's in the Hall because they don't care. Every person in the Hall of Fame is generally a piece of shit.

That's the thing. 2001, still getting paid from Baltimore here, makes $12,049,040 here. They have to keep him on the 40-man roster for the next three years as a condition of the insurance policy, which

will reimburse them for 70% of the $39 million they're still on the hook for. So that's how that works. 2002, he makes $12,368,970 for watching television. On September 13th, he's getting paid to do this. This is during the season. He's arrested in Scottsdale. What?

On DUI. He's pulled over in his 2003 Rolls Royce, his brand spanking new Rolls Royce. With his bad hips. Weaving around in North scottsdale which if you're gonna weave in a rolls royce it looks kind of in place in north scottsdale oh look at that rolls royce weaving must be a drunk person uh he was traveling 10 miles over the 45 mile an hour speed limit and weaving uh he told the police officer that he drank four beers at a bar and then had three margaritas at a restaurant and then got behind the wheel.

Seven drinks. Seven drinks in a couple hours is too much. Four beers, I can understand. He's a big guy. You're probably okay. Probably got a good tolerance, too. You could put a lot of tequila in a fucking margarita. That's not a beer.

Breathalyzer test showed 0.12 which is above the legal limit obviously he also had no proof of insurance and was speeding and making an unsafe lane change so he gets no proof of insurance in a fucking rolls royce you know he's got insurance he'd go better this thing cost me 400 grand you think i'm gonna roll around with this shit uninsured uh he's booked released six hours later oh by the way he made 13 million dollars for that in 2003 wow uh total money 97 million 376 294 dollars he is crushing or was crushing his hip too 95 2006 january 22nd hall of fame voting yeah he gets 7.7 percent of the vote that's not good you need yeah no uh five percent keeps you on the ballot for another year and in 2007 he gets 3.5 percent he's off the done deal

done deal uh he received barely that it's it's it's not much uh and uh one of the writers from cleveland paul hoynes said his numbers were good i thought if he played one or two more years at a high level i'd have to vote for him but he didn't he was a bad guy and what goes around comes around this is what i mean they get to settle their personal grudges with now i don't have to vote for him if he had 500 home runs i would have had to have voted for him but now i can say sorry albert not quite good enough that shit pisses me off don't be a don't be a fucking twat. Don't deserve to get a baseball thrown at you. That's my point. Don't be a douche.

Don't bait him, you asshole. Yeah. Then another guy here, he says, quote, it wasn't just us. He would sit there and dare people to talk to him. He would abuse the clubhouse guy, the PR guy, everybody. That's fucked up. That you can't do. Yeah.

He said Teddy Greenstein of the Chicago Tribune said he was even a menace to Sox employees. He once cursed out a broadcaster for having a gall to enter the trainer's room to get an aspirin. And he belittled hitting instructor Von Joshua by forbidding him from discussing Bell's swing with reporters. Ridiculous. That's what I mean. with reporters ridiculous that's what i mean uh mike hargrove on this his old manager said maybe if albert would have shook a few more hands and said hello to a few more people he might have had a shot i doubt he'll ever get in but he probably should get in yeah so but yeah uh ridiculous i would say uh the cleveland's media rep at the time paul d podesta who is jonah hill's character

in moneyball uh he was working for the indians at the time he said al podesta who is jonah hill's character in moneyball he was working for the indians at the time he said albert bell is a very intense personality that can be a double-edged sword it contributes to his success because he's so driven but he's not something he can just turn on or off no matter what he's going to reach his potential as a player and he's never going to have to wonder if he could have been better which that makes sense uh i mean so now he's retired he's not getting in the hall of fame his hips hurt yeah i mean but i mean he's he's does he's got lawsuits all this shit there's got to be worse players than him that got in the fucking hall there is absolutely yeah tons of i mean and all of the people who don't get in the hall i feel bad for

all these people jimmy but not nearly as bad as i feel for albert bell software engineer at pepsi company in san francisco bay albert bell chef at chef's table and tasting room in orlando florida try this guy's food he's poor guy's albert bell he doesn't beat women albert bell social media specialist from trinidad and tobago oh it's different and albert bell employee at night transportation in phoenix where albert bell currently lives oh no it's fucked up oh it's different and albert bell employee at night transportation in phoenix where albert bell currently lives oh no that's fucked up but it's not that albert bell because this one went to asu which albert bell certainly did not go to he lives here oh he lives here he's gonna kill us jimmy uh february of 2006 he is arrested on suspicion of felony stalking stalking what

why would you do why would you pick this stalking uh what uh an ex-girlfriend christine williams told police bell had threatened to kill her if she told police that he had put a tracking device on her car after she broke up the relationship uh yeah she said that she found a gps device in her driveway that fell off her car. He stuck it with bubble gum. Yeah. Fucking dummy. I'll do it there. She also told police that Bella had been showing up

wherever she went, the grocery store, the gym when she's out on dates. No. Shit like that. Yeah, he's like, I just wanted to make sure the gentleman took you

to a nice location with a good, healthy meal. I said, order the arugula salad. It's wonderful. You're going to love it. I just want to talk to you. I just want to sit to you i just want

to sit down with you for one moment uh really explain i need another chance she said she went all over the place uh she asked him if he put a gps on his on her car and he said no at first and then on february 3rd he left a message apologizing for quote quote, and I quote, doing all that track, all that tracking stuff. Oh, my God. That's called stalking. You did. Yeah.

A later recording had him threatening her, telling her she needed to hire a bodyguard for protection and that she would, quote, never know what hit her. So that's in February of 2006. April 2006. His wife, Melissa, gives birth to a daughter oh my god yeah may 17 2006 he's he's arrested again for violating the no contact daughter that he had with the woman he just stalked held without bond this time because you know it's stalking he is unhinged bro unhinged it was phone calls what

ends up happening his wife comes forward and she testifies in court that it was her that made the calls to williams she said i made the calls to this woman she said and i hung up though that's what happened that's they never talked she says that uh this is melissa bell she says she was quote hormonal and pregnant when she made four calls to Williams in April attempting to investigate the extent of Williams relationship with Albert. Like, how many times you fucking my husband type of thing? Yeah, I believe. Yeah. Albert says that he had a with this woman, a quote, strictly a business relationship.

Yeah. He said that he paid her for, quote, escort services. relationship yeah he said that he paid her for quote escort services it's not a business relationship if you're out of here if you're paying her or not it's still not business strictly business i pay her we fuck that god this is fucking unreal oh man he said january of this from june of 2001 through 2006 this was going on and then she ended the relationship if you're a dick if she sells okay you get what i'm saying so they had a private they were blocked calls on the caller id she had a private investigator look into it and figured found that they were from Bell's residence. That's all that they know.

She also received a telephone call on her cell phone from Bell when she was in her car at Tatum and Shea Boulevard. Oh, my God. Yeah, I know. Oh, my God. No. I see that, too. Too close. It's way too close.

Yeah, she said she recognized his voice during the call so that wasn't his wife and she he said quote what are you doing where are you going and she says quote it freaked me out it just scares me it seems like nothing stops him that's a good way to put it yeah uh he denied making any of the calls or speaking to her and then pleaded the fifth when he asked when asked if any he made any threats to her i'll take the fifth on that one. Oh, boy. She testified that Belle gave her money for a new car and to go somewhere so Belle would know where she was during his honeymoon. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know it. How long? What is happening? What is happening? This is a total $95 million problem. How much does Albert Belle love love pussy uh yeah so much they uh his attorneys say that she didn't reveal she was a licensed escort at the time to him and so she's a liar meanwhile he paid her for he yeah he's totally contradictory ridiculous uh it's fucking ridiculous june of 2006 he's still in jail no bond for may arrest

from that uh the judge said that he was going to decide whether they're going to let him out of jail or not he said he didn't violate the court order he never spoke to her uh he's at the fourth avenue jail down there in phoenix just sitting down there uh august 25th uh is the sentencing for this he ends up getting sentenced for this. He ends up pleading for stalking. And he is a you, sir, may fuck off three months in jail and five years of supervised probation. So keep an eye on him for five months, five years, five years after three months. Yeah.

Yeah. Three months in jail, five years of probation. February 7, 2007. He's got a lawsuit to see his estranged daughter uh who is not from his wife it's a woman named beth myers who uh gave birth to his daughter in 2000 this is jesus christ and a year later they agreed on a plan that gave him two weeks of visitation every other month and required him to pay 4350 in child support a month and thousands more toward an education and attorney fees and all that shit. But in 2004, this woman, Myers, and the girl moved down to Florida. And then it got all messed up because that violated the agreement.

And they fought in court for a long time. Now he's off the hook. Now he's off. Well, he wants regular visits with the six-year-old at this point. Instead, the judge awarded him a 15-minute phone call every Sunday night. Oh, Jesus. That's weak shit. That's terrible.

He said, I'm trying to do what's right for my daughter at that point, which is fair. Then also, in court there during the hearing, he argued with the girl's mother and her attorney. He was arguing with everybody. He was just belligerent in court uh that uh it's it's interesting he said you know what i haven't made a good impression on people my whole life but i've been a success i'm a fighter i've always been a fighter i'm going to continue fighting the judge says they don't like each other about them those two they really don't like each other they really don't like each other uh the hearing's expected to continue a psychiatrist has

to offer an evaluation of the girl to see whether she is fit to travel to arizona for unsupervised visits with bell see if she can handle that shit uh there uh according to the mother the child is afraid of her father is what the lawyer says and albert bell says people can say what they want about me but all i want is for my daughter to know who her father is. Fair. I'm afraid of this man. I'm scared of him. Yeah.

Terrifying. He lives here. He's going to kill us. This is a psychopath. February 2012. He's at Indian Spring Training. He comes back. Yeah.

It's a mini reunion of 95. Kenny Lofton, Carlos Baerga, Sandy Alomar, Mike Hargrove, and Albert Bell. They probably do that a lot. Yeah. That was the first time he's been there, though. Yeah, that's interesting. He comes out. This is the first time he's been out in public since late 2011 in Paradise Valley.

His brother, Terry, was in a car accident in Paradise Valley and was killed. No way. Terry's dead. So he said, Terry's a success. I'm like, yeah, sort of. I'm so sorry. Terry's dead, though. Yeah. So that's a problem. I feel bad. That's dead. So he said, Terry's a success. I'm like, yeah, sort of. I'm so sorry. Terry's dead, though. Yeah.

So that's a problem. I feel bad. That's terrible. He was super successful. He was doing great. He was doing great. Yeah. They asked what he's doing now.

He said, quote, I'm a stay at home dad. I missed your mom, my wife, and I have four girls. I waited until I was done playing to get married and settle down and start a family. I also keep fucking escorts and everybody else I can find. But to legally do it, I waited. They said that he had hip surgery there, and they talked about that. He says he hasn't picked up a bat since spring of 2001. He said, I'd rather pick up a golf club.

And I said, golf, it's an individual sport, so it's the exact opposite of baseball. If you hit a bad shot you can't say well this happened it's just you it's your shot you can't point the figure at anybody but yourself is that worse on your hips than baseball i don't know baseball you gotta torque it i don't know golf you can be pretty yeah but you can kind of be lame with it i'm sure it's pretty easy 80 year old men play you know what i'm saying that's what i was just saying i certainly would have a big fat white guy that's what i mean i've seen john daly's a professional you know what I'm saying that's what I was just thinking I certainly would have I just saw a big fat white guy that's what I mean

I've seen John Daly's a professional you know what I'm saying come on I would have certainly liked to play a lot longer unfortunately it didn't work out that way

2016 he's put into the Cleveland Indians Hall of Fame and they have a big ceremony and he doesn't fucking show up for it

get out of here I'm gonna defend him here nobody wants to go to Cleveland I'm going to defend him here. Nobody wants to go to Cleveland. I'm sorry. If they had it in Cleveland, you can't ask the man to want to be there. You can't. I'm sorry.

Have you ever been to PV, Paradise Valley, where he lives? It's fucking nice there. It's pretty amazing. You can't put Cleveland in your brain when you're living there. He lives in a mansion. Come on. When did they do the Hall of Fame induction? In the playoffs yeah october yes probably i don't want to go there no march 25th 2018 he's in phoenix yeah he's outside of phoenix rising that stupid soccer stadium shut up that's not a stadium really it's like cardboard it looks like if you made if they had like an

inflatable pool float that you could sit 10,000 people in and people play soccer in the middle of. It's the stupidest looking thing I've ever seen. It's what Blazing Saddles would build if you were building the fake soccer stadium. It's a rock ridge. That's the soccer stadium. It looks like shit. It's terrible.

It's going to come down at some point, I'm sure. High school stadiums around the city. Oh, they're nicer. They have much better fields. Some of those Christian schools? Oh, Jesus. They should have just booked that shit. That's what I'm saying. He's outside the stadium. It's they're nicer. They have much better feels. Some of those Christian schools? Oh, Jesus, forget about it. They should have just booked that shit. That's what I'm saying.

He's outside the stadium. It's 10.30 p.m. Okay. Assume the game's over. At this point, a man who's got his 15-year-old daughter with him in the car witnesses Bell pissing next to the driver's side of his door right by them in the parking lot, right? So the man yells at bell quit piss and put your dick away right so bell responded by shaking his dick at him i'm paying somebody's rent and

problem is there's a 15 year old girl you're shaking your dick oh no you can't shake your dick at a 15 year old girl no that's why you should never shake your dick really at anyone in public because there might be a child especially if it's 10 p.m and it's a smidge you never know it's dark you know this is while him and his wife all shake it oh shit uh yeah so the cops came yeah uh the officer said that he had bloodshot eyes and his breath smelled like alcohol he admitted to having the verbal altercation with the man but denied urinating in public uh he the police noticed while he's denying it two large set quote two large separate wet spots in the parking lot next to where his car was parked you know like piss yeah and it smelled what's that smell it's familiar

oh yeah piss two large piss spots like he started in one area had a little altercation finished in another he's been drinking a lot and he had to piss twice uh he also told the police he had driven his car there while he's drunk which wasn't really smart so they said okay they book him on two counts of indecent exposure and driving under the influence and dui two counts one per victim one per victim lucky he didn't get it on a fucking minor because he didn't know all right april 13th 2018 though indecent exposure charges are dropped dui still on the books he's got a few of those in his career as we talked about 2002 whatever uh yeah net worth at this point for whatever this is worth from celebrity net worth like i said they say i have 20 million dollars good lord no uh they say he has 25 million dollars so judging by my thing he probably has

he's probably got about eight grand in the bank i think judging if you scale it down he's got about eight grand in the bank that's good he's worried about his rent yeah i'm just kidding so uh not about the eighth grant but yeah the rent so can't get enough of albert bell oh i fucking have i've had about an assload of Albert Bell. But they have autographed everything. He was around forever. Baseballs, jerseys, cards. Nobody wants him. You can get him cheap because everybody hates him.

He's a total asshole. People without fans tend to, you know, there are not a lot of Albert Bell fans out there. And I will say, great fucking player. And I do think he belongs in the Hall of Fame for having a dominant eight-year period. The stories about him are fantastic. Dominant.

It's riveting. He was so fucking good. Injury ended his career, and he was great. The last year of his career, he was great. I mean, he was great. Right up to his last at bat. Yeah, right up to his last at bat. And he's a great player.

Can't take anything away from him on the field. Total dick off the field, though. Don't you dare take anything away from him. He'll beat the shit out of you. He will fucking pelt you with a baseball in the fucking chest. If you like the story of Albert Jo-on Bell Jr.

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You know who I feel bad for? They get live shows. They get all this stuff. And I get the small town crime and sports people are going, this show is fucking better. And nobody. We get it. And we're trying. And there's a couple things in the works that we're trying to do that are very small town

murder or very crime and sports specific. And they're very big. So don't worry worry crime and sports is still fucking simmering we still push it we're and it's it's actually trust us it's a it's gonna get better so behind closed doors we push this so hard we do and it will show well the people who really push are these damn producers jimmy i need it hit me with that list. Hit me with it like a baseball in the chest. This week's executive producers are Tanya Volanek, Jordan Bennett, Ariana Light,

Jacqueline Hall, who donated both ways. Thank you so much, Jacqueline. Nick Beardsley, Luis Flores, Christina Hansen, Jeremiah Bueller, and Ellie Kamek. Thank you guys for everything. What you guys do for us is intense. We can't Kamek. Thank you guys for everything. What you guys do for us is intense.

Incredible. We can't thank you enough. Thank you. That's what I have there. We can't thank you enough, but thank you. But thank you. Other producers this week are James Snow, Chris McLeod, Allie Payne, Thomas Smith, Cara Barcroft,

John with no last name, Deborah Pinto, Ronnie Kumar, Matthew Mitchell, John Lash, Billy Szyzynski, Alexis Blindbauer. John with no last name, Deborah Pinto, Ronnie Kumar, Matthew Mitchell, John Lash, Billy Szyzynski, Alexis Blind, Blind Bauer? No, Blind Hour, I think, or Blindor? I don't know. Joseph Larson, RC Bodies by Jake, Beverly Henkel, Johnny Johansson, oh, Sonny Johansson, Kimberly Radisky, Laura Burton, Ashley Veio, Melanie Kelly, Cody Owens, Jesse

Hartman, Rachel Morgan, Ash Loveday, James Martyr, Patrick Sanders, Sabrina Chavez, Daniel Perry, and Aaron Rulker, Lauren Day, Katie or Kate, K-A-Y-T-E, could be either or. Ward Palmer, Will Slattery, Jasmine Sneed, Alex Warner, Robin Throckmorton, Liz Vasquez, and I'm so sorry, Liz. I'm so bummed that somebody took advantage of you. I hope that gets resolved. I didn't follow up. She can't. There's nothing to get resolved at all?

The bank's sending her PayPal. PayPal's sending her to the banks. Sorry. I'm so sorry. She's so cool too we're very sorry that sucks if they don't fuck each other over please if they tweet to us that their show or tickets available we will retweet them and that's i guess our best vetting all we can do that's all we can do but if somebody just offers you tickets don't just don't don't do that it's

i don't even know i'm so bummed about that. That makes me really, really angry. Nicole Rodney. Rooney. Rodney or Rooney? I don't know which that is. Andrew Jones. Bryce Law. Lauren Botha. Probably not Francis or Francois.

No. Probably not. The guy who Tyson beat up? Probably not. Jacob Schrag. Robin Anderson. Lucy Holland. Evie Schaefer.

Peyton Meadows. Sandy Roberts, Joelle, Joelle Nicole, Jude Kendall, Kate Newton, Mackenzie West, Tracy, no, that's Trey Volkanar, Ryan Ashton, Ashton, Ashton, Ashton, I think, yes, Mary Sullivan, Stephen Rood, Jason with no last name, Gamble with no last name, 107 Dildos, Benji Young, Kitty Anderson, Talisha Welker, Kylie Miller, Dan Lanham. No, Dan Lanham. I think that's a real name. Yeah, I think so.

I hope so. Reagan Shalkley, Brad Zermetta, brad's sir met sir meta zermetta uh karen karen kruger steve schnell steve thanks uh andrew andrew vypond katie peterson sinfully delightful clean eating uh tanya johnson can't no penny penny keir uh amy panella probably not lou's daughter let's hope so joe mccrary uh mo, Jason Borghetti, Jill Lohan. Lohan. Is that Lohan? Is Lindsay's mom named Jill? No.

Hey, you know what? We have a lot of famous siblings and kids today. R. Finch, Candace Williams, Mark Davis, Dede Carter Hayden. Ex-Padres reliever Mark Davis. Excellent.D. Carter, Hayden. Padres reliever, Mark Davis. Excellent. Laurie Ziegler, probably not Dolph's wife. Probably not. So many this week.

Jennifer Karschner, Kay Spearman. Probably not. Lorenzo? Was it Lorenzo Spearman? I think so. I think that's right. Alonzo Spellman. That's it.

Yeah, yeah. All right. Whatever. Chelsea Kravzo Spellman. That's it. Yeah, yeah. All right. Whatever. Chelsea Kravitz. Probably not Lenny's daughter. Or Chris Spielman. Chris Spielman. That was the name.

Chris Spielman and Lenny Kravitz's daughter. Carly Palomero? No. Palmatere. Hey. Okay. All right. I'll stop it now.

Chris Hoffman. Probably not Dennis. Probably not. Probably'll stop it now. Chris Hoffman. Probably not Dennis. Probably not. Probably not Dustin. Right. Brandy Hildebrand. Jennifer Friend. Fried.

Oliver McKenzie. Sean McKinley. Dave Torok says, the bottom line is life. Or the bottom is life. I don't know what that means. Deep, man. It really is. Thank you.

Matt Sischoff. Jacqueline D. Thomas O'Connell. bottom of his life i don't know what that means uh but it's deep man it really is thank you uh matt uh sischoff uh jacqueline d uh thomas o'connell daria daria tumar tumal tamar tamar one of those robert larson diana michelski uh rio mccarthy not sure uh jeff thompson jennifer no jennifer with no last name d David McGrath, Katie Fee, Tian Marsh, Casey Jones. Probably not. Probably not. Amelia, Lindsay Bird, Jasmine Griffin,

Christina Sherry, Jacqueline... No, Raquel. Raquel Quintero, Rachel Jobe, Tay Lamel, Adam King's brother-in-law had a birthday. Steven? Sorry. His brother made us those rings out of quarters. Oh, those are awesome.

Thank you. And Adam introduced himself to me in Minnesota as, that's my brother-in-law. I fuck his sister. Oh, that's, yeah, I remember that guy. Which is my favorite way of anybody's ever, okay. Eric P., probably not your brother. Thomas Spade, Amber Legg, Casey Crow, and all of our patrons. You guys are the best.

Thank you, everybody. You're wonderful, wonderful bastards. We fucking love every one of you. Thank you so much. God damn it. Jimmy, what if they wanted to thank you how could they possibly find you you can find me at wisman sucks whisman sucks on twitter instagram and snapchat uh and but really it's it it's the donations and the and the show

following and you guys supporting what we do that stuff is is really what what matters to me where can they find you you can find find me at JimmyPIsFunny or copy and paste my name from the show description or hide a GPS unit under my car. I don't know if you want to stalk me or however you want to find me. Those are all ways to find me. I was trying not to emphasize following me.

It could happen. We gave him ideas already. We already gave him the idea, so we have no choice now. But that said, hope you enjoyed this show, everybody. This was kind of one of those crazy ones that I knew was going to be crazy. I liked him so much.

I know. He's such a great player. I knew of none of this. Well, you know what? This is what we do. We burst bubbles, everybody. Live from the Crime and Sports Studios. We will see you next week.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that.

The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her. A long.

Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother.

That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all-new season. It's streaming.

You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie.