Crime in Sports - #206 - A Fiend For Violence - The Savageness of War Machine AKA Jonathan Koppenhaver

Episode Date: April 28, 2020

TW/CW.. This week, we look into a man who makes it REALLY hard to like him. His first, second, and third responses are all the same, violence. He attacks people in public, in bars, and worst of all, in their own homes. All the signs were there, but the world wasn't sure just how awful of a human being he is, until he commits an act so heinous, that he may never get out of prison! Screw up every opportunity that you get, make sure to say all of your craziest thoughts in public, and never, ever show any mercy with War Machine!! Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!! Contact us on... twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. The Queen of the Courtroom is back. How did I know that? i have crystal ball in my head new cases leave her a long so uh this is not a so this is a period classic judy it's streaming you can say anything it's an all-new season judy justice only on freebie Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed.

My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I am Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us this week. An immense amount for joining us. We have one of the most requested episodes that we've been getting requests for since we started today. So today's one of our, we like to call the heavy hitter series. I would say, or whatever you want to put it. Most requested So today's one of our, we like to call the heavy hitter series, I would say, or a heart,

whatever, wherever you want to put it. Most requested. This is one of them. Biggest asshole, we'll say. He's a top 10 asshole. We'll say that right off the bat.

Of the 206 episodes now, top 10 asshole here, everybody. So that's going to be fun. Thank you for listening all week. Thank you for what you've done. If you didn't listen to last week, you fucked up.

You did. Because it was a great story. It's an unbelievable story. And I know a lot of you didn't listen because it was a diver and you never heard of him i think i thought we had an understanding by now if we put out a show i thought we had your trust it means it's a good story that's why we put it out if you have to hear of the person right i don't know that's that to me just saying this and i don't mean to offend you but that's kind of stupid. It's it's a kind of an ignorant thing to do. Listen to stories that you don't know. Those are most of the time the best episodes. So don't be an idiot.

Anyway, thank you so much for everything you've done for us this week. That's the equivalent of letting your girlfriend go to the bar and then calling her nonstop. Yes. Let us just trust us. What the shit. Exactly. Trust us on this. Thank you for everything you've done.

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And this week, we have our asshole of the week, which I guess I'll say it now for crime and sports. Our fellow this week is War Machine. All right. One of the biggest assholes ever. And what we have for a bonus episode is about two months of his prison blog that we are going to just make fun of unmercifully for what this asshole was writing while he was in prison.

Oh, the ego. It's amazing. So you need that bonus episode. Trust me, it is just ridiculous. So check all that out and everything. And that said, let's get started, Jimmy. All right. This is a, it's thick.

It's a thick with assholery. This is the knickery is up to your neck, Jimmy. Let's start out. Up to the neck tattoos? Up to the neck tattoos. It is Jonathan Paul Coppenhaver. Yeah. War Machine.

Right. Otherwise known as. As a matter of fact, legally known as at this point, which we'll get into, because this asshole changed his name to War Machine. Fuck you, Mom. I know you thought real hard about giving me a name that was respectful. Yeah, but no. I'd like to spit in your face. He named him after his grandfather, and he's like, I think War Machine will do. Thank you, Mom. I know you thought real hard about giving me a name that was respectful. Yeah, but no.

I'd like to spit in your face. He named him after his grandfather, and he's like, I think War Machine will do. The only other person I know that's legally changed their name to a stage name like that is the Ultimate Warrior, who was another complete asshole. So it's like, that's a weird egotistical. He did it more for, we'll talk about war machine hold on jonathan legal purposes is it going to be war machine coppenhaver like you're gonna keep the family name war machine the kids are going to be the machine children right that's it first name war last

name machine that's it this is a bobby machine and little jimmy machine on the mailbox out front of the house the machine the machine. The Little Susie Machine. Isn't that nice? The Machine family. You say it enough, Machine. It kind of sounds like it's French. The Machines just moved in. They came from Paris.

Sounds like Charlie's daughter. Machines. Machines. Machine. Machine. So, let's see here. He's born November 30th, 1981. Seems like he's done more on He's done more on this earth bad-wise.

He's done more damage than it seems like that much time would allow. Well, he and I are the same age. Yeah. Legitimately. Yeah, yeah. Same year. It's actually the same age unlike last week. What's that guy, 28?

I mean, we're the same age. Okay. So he's my age. This guy's literally my age, and nobody's heard of me as much as they've heard of him oh no he's very famous done a lot let's make him more famous what do you say uh make him in oh yeah he's he already is we're gonna add to it he's born in simi valley california that's where he's from born and raised and he comes full circle there as we'll find out always they always go home jimmy go back home he does it all he finds religion he goes home he's got he runs he breaks every crime and sports rule except for the junior rule because no one will take his seed into their fucking

ovaries thank god wherever the hell it goes yeah in there somewhere damn it or he's putting it in ones that have chemicals in there that kicks it all right back out yeah no shit thank christ thank the shit uh his father's uh his father was a white german dude not from germany but like you know hey he's german like you okay you know uh he was actually an officer for the lapd no kidding his father absolutely and his mother is mexican so that's the kind of. He's one of those guys where you look at him and go, he doesn't look like a cop in Haver. Yeah. You know? It's odd.

Yeah. I thought he was like Hawaiian or something. I did too. He's got a Hawaiian look to him or something, an islander kind of look. But no, he's half Mexican, half German. And his mother was a nurse and later would become kind of a stay-at-home mom. And the reason, I think, is not for i really want to spend more time with the kids it seems like it's because she had a pretty hefty drug problem

was what i think she drugged herself out of the nursing game really is what it seems like here i could be wrong but that that's the course of events so yeah so leave jonathan is the oldest of three here war machine little war is the oldest of three here. War machine. Little war is the oldest of three. Yeah. And war would take care of his younger brother and sister a lot. He'd kind of be responsible because that's what happens when mom's a fucking drug addict. So whoever's the oldest is now in charge. That's it.

Who's the oldest and not on crack? Right. Is that who's not out sucking dick for for heroin? Mom's passed out in the inside swing again she's between the screen door and the front door just passed out i don't know how that i don't even know how you get in there but that's where i found her so i feel like we should probably both are locked so she's there for a while jonathan you're making dinner now i guess you're doing the mac and cheese and so their parents got divorced when he was young and all of his kids were young john lived with his father while his brother and sister lived with his mother which is a strange

that's a that that's an always a weird psychological thing if you break the kids up even if it's for practical reasons you know father lives closer to john's school because he's in middle school they're in elementary whatever the hell it is it still makes a because he's in middle school and they're in elementary. Whatever the hell it is, it still makes a weird. It's separating them. Yeah. And how come they're there? Is that because I'm not wanted or is that because they're not wanted here? And it just makes a weird psychological thing that is weird for kids if you do that.

Now, his mother later remarried. And we'll talk about that a little bit in a little while. War Machine does not like his stepdad at all. He really hates his stepdad a lot. Which, I mean, think about what kind of guy he was, probably marrying his drug addict mom, probably a drug addict. So if your mom brings a drug addict into the house, it's like, oh, good, now there's two of you. I had a friend like that, and their mom was into drugs, and they brought this drug addict guy. She brought this drug addict guy home, and he like he was like great now the whole fuck great perfect

it's all awful yeah now i can't even influence her because i got this one fucking on you know the other side so he just gave up basically somehow the lady's still alive i don't know really yeah physically the one of the you'd look at her and go oh she's gonna die tomorrow like just in bad shape wheezing all the time and like but from like just smoking three packs a day and wheezing and heavy and all this shit and this was jimmy 25 years ago she's still fucking going i don't know how she's going probably smoking three packs a day so she'll die behind the wheel of a vehicle and then yeah kill like a busload of parochial school students as she sends them off into a fucking tree somewhere. As she crashes into a daycare.

Yeah, then careens off into a daycare playground at lunchtime. And it's a goddamn... Little sandwiches and goldfish flying everywhere. Little PB&Js with the crust cut off. Yeah. Flying, man. All kinds of uncrustables. All kinds of things that you

cannot crust so uh his dad at 39 years old and when john was only 13 dies of a heart attack in front of him oh my god and it gets worse than that john's 13 his brother michael is nine at the time and they're both there what dad has a heart attack john a war machine little war tries to perform cpr on him and to no avail he had a massive heart attack and died cpr wasn't going to help him and uh apparently the nine-year-old just stood there helplessly while this all went down so this is that's traumatic the guy's 39 he's 39 so at 13 you don't expect your 39 year old dad to drop dead in front of you it's just not you don't even think about i never even thought for a second because that's

the age bracket about which my dad was in when i was that age i'm 39 right now my kid is almost 13 do they expect you to drink oh my god my son is 13 he's i'm two years older than that he doesn't expect me to drop dead in front of him i don't think i think it's probably the last thing on his mind. And if it happened, that'd be fucking mind-blowing. That can happen? Especially if he was trying to save you, too. That's, man, that and the mom.

So it's not good, obviously. Between the drug addict mom and the father dead in front of him with the CPR, we're mixing a cocktail that is going to have some nasty ramifications later on. And now he has to go live with fucking mom? His mother, who he hates, and he hates his stepdad even more. Oh, my God. Bad times are about to happen. This is the, how the fuck does someone turn out to be such an asshole?

Like this. This is it. And we're definitely not making an excuse for him because I know people who've come up way worse than this. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're not assholes. They're fine. They realize, gee, that's terrible. I don't want to reproduce that onto other people whereas but this this is how you can make a an asshole here it's a

good formula he uh his little brother michael says quote about war machine he was just a kid trying to jump on his dad trying to push on his chest trying to blow in his mouth it's not a pretty thing he feels he feels responsible so he feels like he didn't do cpr good enough so for years i guess he was he would apologize to his brothers and sisters his brother and sister about not being able to save their dad that's terrible that's just german genes we're not we're not long for this world no that's german genes mixed with jewish guilt so it's a very strange mixture there his own his own brand of guilt that he's put on himself so jesus man that's terrible though his workout coach later on this guy i will talk about him

later he says quote his father was his whole world this powerful man just disappears out of his life like that he didn't have anyone to lean on that's another thing too his dad was a cop so if you're a little kid and your dad is like, first of all, your dad is a superhero anyway just because he's an adult. You know, you figure,

oh, he can do things I can't do. But then if he comes in in this uniform with a fucking gun and all this shit, like he seems like, he seems invincible at that point.

That's an invincible man. I mean, not the most popular thing to be in 1994, an LAPD officer because that's 13, that's 94. We're talking post Rodney King. It's tough. It's not great. popular thing to be in 1994, an LAPD officer, because that's 13. That's 94. Yeah.

We're talking post Rodney King stuff. It's not great. But if you're a kid, you're not thinking these cops are scumbags. If your dad's one of them, you're thinking, oh, they're misunderstood. My dad's a good guy. I'd be scumbag. Yeah. This guy in the next room is great.

He protects me. So you don't. That's the last guy you expect. That's the guy who's in charge. Think about him when he's driving. Right. He knows he's he's doing it and he knows what he's doing and that's kids don't worry about him you know like you ever drive with a when you're a kid you drive with an adult who you can tell is a bad

driver as a kid and it's scary yeah like you never get that with his dad i feel like very solid mom this is a terrible driver my mom is so worst my mom every time like if she'll come over if we have them over for dinner something when they leave i literally i'm not religious at all i say about three prayers like please get her home safe because it's 50 50 yeah she is fucking the worst driver ever she doesn't pay attention yeah it's it's scary i drive the same way my mom drives she's hit houses man oh jeez houses just whole houses she's hit it's crazy it's not good my mom and i both probably have about the same amount of tickets she gets them at the same rate as i do it's very strange like it's just genetic i guess it's just it's it's not what the cop sees in the seat it's how the

cop sees the car moving yeah yeah that's well that's exactly what it is and then yeah my dad's like my dad's the most perfect driver I've ever seen in my life. Like, we could be careening down a mountain in the snow and I'd be like, I'm going to take a nap now. He'll be fine. Like, it's amazing. I've never seen my dad be like, oh, shit. Ever.

Ever. You know that? Oh, shit. Oh, I got around that. Okay. Never happened. You got precision. And we're talking in New York in the snow as a kid.

Never once. Full control. Never slid in the snow as a kid never once full control never slid in the snow nothing i don't know how he does it incredible driver the sun's out every time i come to your house and about three times on my way to your house yeah i've been in the car with you you should drive with jimmy in la i try not to look i just keep my head down because i'm like if i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i don't need to see it coming because he's not paying attention he's texting he's got his map out i'm like this is scary not even on my phone just like a whole brand mcnally yeah covering up the whole windshield just a big just look he's squinting he's got his magnifying glass out i'm like james are we going straight i'm trying to find the lane's closed get right christ so much so uh things get bad here

with the stepfather that's john and his brother michael both neither of them get along with the stepfather michael later on would say quote he was not a good person once my dad died he takes full control his concern is no longer for the children it's more let's go to the bigger house let's get a better car let's just do unnecessary things with the money as opposed to taking care of the family and the kids in the future i assume life insurance yeah is what they're talking about so basically the dead stepdad took their money and pissed it away um yeah so uh war machine here actually ends up doing a decent job i guess through high through high school. He gets into college. Really?

He goes to the Citadel, actually. It's in Charleston, South Carolina. It's like a military college. Really? It's South Carolina Corps of Cadets, as they have a thing in there inside the Citadel. And that has like about 23 people. And it's one of the largest uniformed bodies of education. I suppose so.

And they have about 1,350 non-cadet students enrolled there. And a lot of these people go into the Marine Corps and shit like that. I'm not going to but the 2019 the school's ROTC program commissioned 186 officers. Incredible.

Which is a shitload. So it seems like a pre-military school. I don't think it's I don't know if it's like West Point and like Annapolis or anything like that. But I'm not I'm not sure. It seems like a shitload. So it seems like a pre-military school. I don't know if it's like West Point and Annapolis or anything like that, but I'm not sure. It seems like a good school. Sounds like he's trying to follow Dad, though, in terms of being rigid. Yeah. That's exactly what it seems like. Even the academic program here, they have engineering, science, math, humanity, social studies, business education.

So it's well-rounded, I guess. He majors in biology. Really? He absolutely does. He majors in biology at the citadel here uh he claims later on that he was even getting great grades that we don't know that for sure but he claims that he was getting great grades everything was going wonderful uh wonderfully for him here uh but the the his last day at the college ends up being january 27 2002 okay which isn't very long here uh the school would never disclose what he did to get kicked out but uh apparently they just said poor behavior and uh he did an interview on with joe rogan where

he said the reason he got kicked out was because he quote because quote i beat my step dad almost to death in a dispute over unpaid tuition at the school so he went across the country to beat the shit out of this apparently to beat the shit out of this man and then went back to school i don't know well he got kicked out in january so maybe this was over christmas break i'm not sure he went home for christmas beat the shit out of step dad and then came back to school where the fuck's the money? I'm not positive. No, he's not a huge guy. He's 5'11", 170 is his fighting weight.

He walks around at 190, though, usually. But 170 is when he's a welterweight MMA fighter. But he's a bad motherfucker. That's enough man to hurt. Especially if he knows what he's doing. Dude, this guy, he's a tough dude. That's the thing about him. He definitely is a tough dude. Now, that's his explanation, beating his stepdad half to death.

Now, when you look at the records, though, and you go back and you do some background checks on him, and you find out that he also got arrested a bunch around now, which might be why he got kicked out. It might be more for that. Getting arrested here, I found in 2001, he, let's see here i all i could find these early arrests all they had was the penal code so i had to go look up what the california yeah patreon.com slash guidance i haven't done that in a while but this is a pain in my fucking ass looking up penal code shit holy shit uh yeah this is uh grand theft he gets arrested for it is uh penal code 484e grand theft and it can be either a misdemeanor

or a felony in california it's called a wobbler offense really they can put it on either one depending on depending on the value of it depending on just how they feel basically if it's more than makes it the value of it i see what you're saying more if you're maybe if you've done it more they'll charge you harder that sort of thing uh so yeah it's a prison you can get a prison in the county jail for up to a year if it's charged as a misdemeanor so it's it's not bad and then early 2002 he gets arrested this is right after he gets kicked out of school here so i don't know if grand theft maybe got him kicked out of school more than beating your stepdad 3 000 miles away well uh yeah i mean i'm just thinking or both coupled together he's an asshole he fights and steals fuck him yeah fuck him yeah this is a this is a very rigid environment this

is not like you know we have this is an asu right this is a we commission heroes yeah this is a different thing you they they're looking for a different cut of person and not someone who's going to go do dumb shit like this apparently if you're going to be an officer or whatever so uh june of 2002 he is arrested for uh god damn son of a bitch for penal code violation uh 243b what is that one also penal code 148.9a oh if you don't think that's bad enough one for pc 148 a parentheses one oh and article one and article one motherfucker oh my god all three what is it so boom bitch now i know we said he was an asshole but i didn't think you guys you guys are all sitting there going i didn't expect him to do a 148.9 a and that's a different line that's a different kind of asshole. OJ didn't even do that. What the fuck?

Well, this is a great, you can put this together, okay? First of all, he was arrested for, initially, speed law violations and a traffic arrest. So reckless driving, I'm assuming, is the only thing. Driving-wise, it'll probably get you picked up. Actually putting cuffs is a reckless driving, unless you were drunk or or something if you appear to be a goddamn danger yeah exactly if you're going 50 over weaving in yeah in and out of traffic that's they're going to take you to jail then later on the p uh 243b is battery of a peace officer or emergency person he fought them. So he fought somebody off here at this point. And then 148.9a. Article A. Article A is falsely identifying yourself as a fictitious person to a police officer.

So that's given a wrong name. And then 148.1 is resisting arrests or an EMT or or whatever all this type of shit so basically it sounds like arrested for driving like a dickhead gave a false name and then resisted and fought back exactly wow that's what it is good then they are right they figured out who he was for what don't know i mean you don't even have a warrant at this point no no he just didn't want it on no reason i don't know what he was thinking there so that's so he ended up fighting the fighting people off and you know I don't know what he was thinking there. So he ended up fighting people off.

Jesus Christ. I'm saying Jesus is the wrong person. He really wanted to drive like an asshole. He wanted to drive like an asshole more. So after this, he finally gets started on his MMA career here. He trains and all that. We'll leave all that out. We don't have a lot of time for MMA today, guys. There's a lot of police interaction.

We are going to buzz through this shit as fast as we can. And mainly concentrate on opponents with funny nicknames that's what we're gonna do you know what that's what we're gonna do here because that's the plan i'll just lay it out for you fuck it that's how i've structured this thing so his first fight is february 29th leap year yeah take a fucking leap and jump in the ring and try to beat somebody up. 2004? Total Combat 2 versus Angel Santabes, who, Santa Benes, who this is his first fight in his career. He ends up 0-3. Okay.

Doesn't work out well. War Machine wins by TKO with punches in the first round. I want to know. He's going by Jonathan Coppenhaven right now? He's going by War Machine Coppenhaven. Okay, got it. It's John War Machine Coppenhaven. Okay. coppenhaven right now he's going by cop war machine coppenhaven okay john war machine coppenhaven and uh july 25th 2004 total combat four he missed one in there he fights frank duffy yeah just

sounds like a guy that they pulled out of an irish bar somewhere is frank here see at the end of the bar there's a guy out here wants to fight him i don't know he's had a lot of harps tonight ah christ i'm coming tell him to hold his horses i'm coming i'll be there in a minute let me finish my black and tan christ's sake for christ's sake another jesus christ somebody else boy my shit the hell is he talking about he's a one in three career fighter frank duffy so one time he lucky punched off the bar this is a rear naked choke win for war machine after 25 seconds quick fight 2-0 july 30th 2005 so he waits a whole year not sure why i couldn't find an arrest in that time period but you never know yeah because there was some unspecified arrests in there

that there's no court date or no anything so i couldn't exactly tell when or what what happened so he could just be interacting right now trying to figure that out. I'm thinking, yeah, fighters don't take a year off in the beginning of their careers. It's very rare. After their second fight, if they're doing well, they usually get them right out there. So I feel like he probably had some legal wranglings in this area that I just couldn't find. July 30, 2005, total combat nine. So there's been five total combats in a year.

This is Resurrection. Hell yeah. I'm giving it a name. Andrew Ram been five Total Combats in a year. This is Resurrection. Hell yeah. I'm giving it a name. Andrew Ramirez. He fights one in three career. This is his last fight. He lost all three in a row. He won one, then lost three in a row, all in an under total of two minutes.

So it took him less than two minutes to lose three fights, and then he quit. I would, too. I'm not good at this. This is a TKO with punches in round one at like one minute and eight seconds. So 3-0 for old War Machine here. March 3, 2006, he fights. This is at the Gracie Fighting Championships. Team Gracie versus Team Hammer House is the name of the.

Sounds douchey. I don't know. He fights Mike O'Donnell, who's next to Patrick Duffy on the block. Patrick's not here. What about Mike? Hey, O'Donnell, you ready to fight? He's taking a leak. He'll be out in a minute.

Eric, he's coming. He's coming. He's taking a leak. He's always ready to fight. Hold on. I got my zipper down. I'm coming. Finish his shepherd's pie and soda bread hold on let

me finish my beer quick and i'll be right out there he's a three and two career fighter yeah o'donnell here uh this is a o'donnell actually comes out stumbles out of the bathroom and beats war machine with an arm bar oh a submission loss in round two here on your belly full of shepherd's pie will fuel your day. That's what it was. He's like, ah, Christ, this guy. I don't know what the hell he was. Some kind of Hawaiian.

I don't know what the frig he was. I don't know. What are you asking? Sully, what are you asking me for? I don't know. It's everybody at the Irish bar. It's Patrick Duffy, Mike O'Donnell, and Sully. Those are the three guys that hang out there.

They're the regulars. It's like Norm and Cliff and, I don't know, somebody else. So, three in one. September 9, 2006. Total combat 16. Annihilation. My God. Shouldn't you have resurrection after annihilation?

Should be. How do you have... You should save resurrection for your very last one. The last resurrection. But, yeah, annihilation. I guess maybe you have to annihilate the resurrected at that point. Well, listen, we resurrected him. Now let's just beat the living shit out of him again.

We fucked up. No, we resurrected the wrong guy we got to annihilate him he fights we weren't expecting this one yeah we we missed it sorry we missed the signals yeah he fights rj gomez who is a 10 and 18 career fighter this guy lost his last 11 fights of his career oh great Just 11 straight. Ouch. He was 10 and 7, and then it just all went downhill. 10 and 18 is his finish? 10 and 18 is his finish. Unbelievable.

It's just a disaster. This is one of those fights in the middle here. TKO in round one, 4 and 1 for him, for War Machine, that is. Now, he's on the Ultimate Fighter Season 6 here. This is apparently, he wasn't part of the original 16 fighters, War Machine, but somebody, Roman, I don't know what the hell mida mida kian i don't know how you say that he broke his elbow somewhere in this and so war machine brought him in he's the replacement to come in here so june 29 2007 this is an exhibition fight it doesn't count as for records or anything it's

for some reason this is the ufc ultimate fighter season six opening round day six season six opening round day day six what i don't know six days of opening round six days the day six six open this is a lot of this is a lot of opening it's just too many too many fights good lord it's too much tournament yeah it's just too much it's just too much it's too much boat it's just too much too much he fights tom the farm boy spear yeah okay fine he's he's gone through the irish bars in town so he's like well let's go out to the farms and see if anyone wants to fight so the farm boy spear is a 21 and 7 fighter though this is a good fighter it's a good fighter yeah you you don't see this in boxing you see a guy you know a good great heavyweight like a larry holmes or something he's like you know 15 to 65 and 6 career

or some shit you don't see records like that in mma you just don't you see they they always end up closer to 500 yeah Yeah, closer to par. That's pretty much it. Because that's what the UFC is. It's you win, you lose. Any given Sunday, who knows if this guy can just get you this day. That's the thing, yeah. Now, do you think that's more exciting or someone who's a force?

Somebody who's just a dominant fucking person. Because, I mean, a bar fight's the same way. It might not be a clear advantage. These guys are just skilled. That's the difference where you know i don't know i'd kind of rather see somebody great tear somebody shitty up once in a while over and over over and over again which happens because he beat people too but this is a this goes two rounds this exhibition fight and it's a unanimous decision loss for for uh war machine here september of 2007 he is in vegas and he apparently gets a gets in a little scuffle outside of in a parking lot where he chokes a man unconscious in a parking lot uh

punched him in the face and then choked him unconscious after that that seems about right you lead with the punch and then you choke him out. You got to get close to him. Yeah, he's found guilty of this in court in September of 2007. Yeah, I don't know what the final plea was because it was a plea. But he gets off on this. This is just a fine and all this sort of shit. So December 8, 2007, this UFC Ultimate Fighter 6 finale. Yeah. I guess this is a big deal.

He fights Jared J. Rock Rollins, who is an 8-4 career fighter. This is his last fight, though, and War Machine wins it in round three with punches. It's a TKO. 5-1 for War Machine. December 8, 2007, UFC 84, ill will. Oh, boy.

He fights Yoshiyuki Zenko Yoshida. Zenko's the nickname. We've talked about him before. Yoshiyuki's a greatida. Zenko's the nickname. We've talked about him before. Yoshiyuki's a great name. It really is. I really enjoy that a lot. Coupled with the last name, it's just awesome. I'm mad I didn't name my son Yoshiyuki.

Aren't you? Yeah. Think about it. Or Yoshimoto. Yoshiyuki Whisman. Anything Yoshi, yeah. I think that's a great name. It's a strong name.

Anything that starts with Yoshi, I'm into it. How about Yoshiyuki Petrigallo? That sounds great. People go, holy shit. Name, please. Yoshi Yuki Petrigallo. Pardon? Anytime he calls for reservations, there's like, we'll just put you down as a bunch of letters.

Yoshi, I guess. Yeah. Otherwise, you'd have to have a card with your name printed out to just be here at every hotel. Just give and take. I'm not going to tell you how to spell this. Never mind. How's that? If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia.

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This works out against War Machine's interests here as Yoshi Yuki chokes him out in 56 seconds. It's a submission it's an anaconda choke oh i don't know what that is i've never heard of that i guess he wraps his giant japanese cock around his neck and chokes the life out of him you're very surprised because you didn't know asians grew that long you're like oh my god down his throat baby that's the that's the joke

that's the joke you know what if someone did that War Machine, I wouldn't be upset about it. I'd be like, well, you know what? They change the rules sometimes, War Machine. I'm sorry, you fucking dick. Sometimes you get your face fucked. You dildo. Sometimes you get your face fucked while a guy says things you can't understand. Spell my name and I'll stop.

I can't. I can't. I don't even know your name. You can spell my nickname. I dare you. What is it in English? Help me, please. So, five and two for War Machine. February 2008 here.

He's very busy in 2008. This is when he really starts to get busy. This is when he changes his name legally to War Machine. In 2008? 2008 this happened. He's got seven fights under his belt, and he's like, I better change it. I need it. There was some sort of dispute with TNA Wrestling.

I think TNA was trying to trademark that name probably as one of their wrestlers' nicknames. Because that's what they do in wrestling. Everybody's nickname is trademarked from that company. So that guy leaves he can't be that guy anymore so whatever so they do also do that as a protection from like vince mcmahon getting a good one yeah well yeah that's that way and being like that's mine now well that way not only that if that if vince mcmahon or whoever wants to hire that guy away he's not hiring that guy away he's only hiring that man away he's not hiring that character away so it's it's that sort of start your own gimmick yeah and they've sued back and forth over the years over this scott hall got sued we talked about that on the episode because vince

sued uh wcw and him the rock was dealing with it for a little bit did he let the rock have it eventually yeah because he still works there the rock the rock has been under contract continuously this whole time even when he doesn't work there for two years they're still paying him yeah but i mean just to be when he's in say he just to not say some other wrestling company's good and also be like the best wrestler on earth and when he wants to come back but like steve austin the last time steve austin wrestled i don't know it's fucking years and years ago as far as for a major promotion or whatever they have never not paid him because he other they don't want somebody else to hire him just to be a spokesman right holy shit

that'd be that would get a lot of attention so they've paid him all the way through and just you know he can do whatever he wants with his name but like the ultimate warrior the wrestler changed his name legally to warrior to protect himself because vince mcmahon didn't want him to use ultimate warrior somewhere else what a terrible thing it's fucking ridiculous yeah he wanted so he changed his name legally to warrior warrior wow so i get that i get trying to i mean protect your brand and protect your investment yeah and the business that you've created but for fuck's sake you're ruining people's lives that's yeah it's ridiculous and you're not even paying their health insurance and they've got major issues but you but you're fucking them and then you're ruining people's lives that's yeah it's ridiculous and you're not even paying their health insurance and they've got major issues but you but you're fucking them and then you're fucking

but we made a doll of you yeah doesn't that make it better you could hang it up on your wall and when your kids go what's that you go that was me before i think i don't know i don't remember very well because i've been hitting that a lot i'm'm not sure what that is. Not positive. But it sure looks like me. Absolutely. Speaking of wrestling, quick, what was that? It was

Collar and Elbow. Collar and Elbow. There was another brand. Collarandelbowbrand.com is Al Snow's brand. Yeah. And he sent us a couple of t-shirts.

The coolest. First of all, the t-shirts, their merch is awesome first of all. And Al Snow, if you're a wrestling fan, you know Al snow is probably one of the top 10 underrated uh wrestlers in the history of the business so i got a shirt cool dude support him living the dream james and it

has a pair of cowboy boots and it says collar and elbow and i i fucking it's your perfect shirt there's gonna look great so many cool designs there so i just wanted to plug those guys because they were real nice to us and thank you al good dude we like al a lot so uh february 2008 war machine's got some other problems in addition to being legally called war machine from now on which is it's a tough life i just like to be a cop you pull this guy over first of all he's got neck tattoos and all this shit which fine if you have neck tattoos but if you're a cop if you see a guy in a suit and tie with no neck tattoos you're less leery of an mma fighter covered in neck tattoos because he looks like an mma fighter and he's covered in neck tattoos so you walk up to the car license please and he hands you a fucking card that says war machine on it and you're like well why did i take

this job what am i doing what am i doing i just i I scaled walls and did so many sit-ups. I had to run a mile under a certain time to do this, to give a ticket to this guy with this mangled ear. I fought in the war, man. I was in Iraq for three tours. I'm going to deal with this fucking idiot now? That's a desert storm. This sucks.

This guy's name is War Machine. What is he, 60? Yeah. Which war were you in, sir? Which one? Because I was in a war, and I'm giving you a ticket tonight. A war machine. Just for this stupid name.

So he ends up, apparently there was a felony charge. He pleads guilty to avoid a felony charge here. There was a charge of assault and battery on this deal. I'm not sure exactly what happened in this exact one. After this, we're pretty detailed on everything. But for some reason here, he gets sentenced, though. You, sir, may fuck off. Three years of probation and 30 days of community service.

For beating somebody up. For pleading, yeah. He ends up pleading guilty to misdemeanor assault and battery. And that's the charge there. It was a felony, and then he pled it down down so he changes his name um which is just hilarious uh it's this time too he gets he gets released by the ufc uh not for his legal wranglings or anything like no come on jimmy jesus christ not because he's a scumbag right because he's kind of hard to deal with that's why you know come on dana white attitude yes hard to deal with you're out i don't know kill three people we'll think about it maybe we'll let it settle down for a couple years

deal with you never know can oj draw a crowd let's find out right so he uh he's released i guess he rejected a fight offered by the ufc uh there he rejected a fight and then he made comments about the death of another fighter evan tanner who was found dead in the desert this ufc fighter war machine posted on myspace at the time that he thought that tanner had gone to the desert to kill himself after he realized his career might be over and he basically made no money during it so basically he was like that dude realized he had no money and his career was over and he fucked everything up so he went out and killed himself some wild ass speculation yeah medical examiners eventually said that tanner's death is certainly not even a suicide it was a murder

and uh but war machine he told that he said nope i stand by my statements he's just that's the kind of asshole he is you could be oh no we we examined it and it's this this and that no it's not why because i said so yeah all right then that's sure because i got opinions i live in war machine world and that's that's just where it happens and i say what happens and proof be damned what a weird uh he's a weird guy uh so september of 2008 he is in las vegas and he hits another guy in the face here and chokes him out this is a guy named darren zatko he said that he was visiting uh from uh he was visiting san diego or he was visiting from san diego here he was assaulted outside of a fitness club after calling a group of shirtless men tough guys why would you see a bunch of shirtless guys and call

and try to fuck with them first of all why would you do that obviously they're trying to be alpha douches and obviously they're gonna they're looking for a fight probably darren's just gonna knock them down a peg come on darren yeah what do you think they're gonna be like you know what guys we should put our shirts on and stop being such assholes i'm gonna be nicer to my girlfriend from now on no that's not what happened they go let's go beat that guy up right he called us tough guys you know how i'll prove we're not we'll beat the shit out of them right show them how not tough guys we are he made fun of our banana drinks yeah exactly making fun of our banana drinks. Yeah, exactly. Making fun of our protein. Fuck you.

He said, this guy, Zatko, said he was grabbed from behind in a chokehold until he lost consciousness and then was punched in the face while he was unconscious on the ground and suffered facial fractures and nerve damage. War Machine was one of the shirtless guys. Of course he was.

Yeah, obvious. He's probably the fucking ringleader of the shirtless guy. If there's any group of people you'd put War Machine as the leader of, the shirtless men, everybody. That's him. Fucking idiot. I'm not saying anything negative to a man with his shirt off, neck tattoos, and cauliflower ear. Cauliflower ears. It's so bad, too.

Not to mention he's pretty jacked. He's got a six pack and he's walking with a group of men all looking and acting the same way did this guy expect this was gonna go well you know what you're right man we want to buy you a beer like no his ear looks like it was lit on fire yeah it's a scary ear yeah he looks like he's been through some battles yeah like he's like a dog that you see yeah you're like you've been astray for a while haven't you buddy like you figured it out you figured out how to survive on the streets you're not new he's the yeah he's the dog that sticks around at the at the humane society a few extra weeks i'll eventually get adopted but it's not uh for his appearance yeah a blind eventually a nice blind woman adopted

very kind blind woman who the scars on his face were a sweet puppy or something like that fucking amazing braille chin braille so november 8th 2008 he's fighting again yeah a busy year for fighting he's been fighting everywhere he fights yeah fought out of the ring twice but he doesn't stop in the ring well he's more fights out of the ring than in the ring this year that's not a good sign he fought this is desert rage full contact fighting for that's where he should be it's in the ring this year. That's not a good sign. This is Desert Rage Full Contact Fighting 4. That's where he should be. It's perfect, right? He fights David

the Viking Anderson. He's fighting like characters. He's fighting Irish stereotypes and the Viking Anderson and what was the other guy? J-Rock who's like a very black guy.

This is like if someone made a crappy movie about a low-level MMA thing these are the fighters how they name them. Well, this will be the Viking. He's going to fight the farm boy.

You fight the farm boy, then you fight the Viking, and then there's a black dude. He's J-Rock. He's tough. He's from the streets. You know, that would be like your terrible screenplay. This is UFC if Vince McMahon was in charge. Exactly.

Exactly. Which pretty much it's the same thing. I'm sorry, but I'm not even saying the competition's the same thing. I'm saying the people in charge are the same thing. Same person. I swear to Christ. Dana White was taken, they took skin cells off of the bottom of Vince McMahon's nutsack, and they made Dana White, I think, at some point back then.

They just scraped the pool at the bottom of Vince McMahon's pedicure water. Yeah, that's what it is. And used that. I like the business acumen, but can he be more of a charlatan? Right. Is that possible? Is it possible? Like he's a scumbag, but publicly he kind of acts like he's not.

And he'll give you his side of the story. And you go, maybe. What if we had somebody who just doesn't even do that? None of that. Who's just like, I'm a monster. Thanks for having the press conference i'm a good one can we have like a little bit chubby a little bit uh jacked lex luther be in charge that'd be perfect that'd be great that's my guy and he's and he's gonna buy fucking he's gonna buy fucking pandemic island and he's gonna stage fucking fights there and the fighters aren't allowed to leave until they win and that's going to be the next thing if you don't think that fucking island

is going to turn into something on its own like you have to stay here and like you know clean out the sewer systems until you win a fighter's i don't know he's going to have something you have to turn into a reality show yeah it's going to turn into a reality show i guarantee you you fight for food or something like there's a luau and the loser doesn't get to come i don't fucking know it's fire fest but it's fighter fest with a why yeah exactly except it's with with even more disease i'm sure than fire somehow it's gonna be so much more it's gonna be not just uh privileged white people yeah in the middle of somewhere eating a cheese sandwich this is gonna be no monsters eating like dinty more fighting each other over over dinty more that's what it is

everybody gets a bindle when you step off the boat. Be honest. I want to see it. There you go. Get the cameras rolling. So David the Viking Anderson has a tattoo on his face that goes from his ear to his mouth on the right side of his face that's teeth. Like it looks like teeth. One of those tattoos. Like a fighter jet kind of teeth or like actual skull? Like teeth. Like if you were to like, like you know if you see a skeleton

that you see the teeth like that he has that tattooed on the side of his face um maybe he did that out of just sheer sadness from being an oh and four career mma fighter how did you get that tattoo he lost all four fights that he ever fought all in the first round why would you have that tattoo why would you keep hiring this guy to fight people in front of a crowd that's what i don't understand i don't know he hasn't earned that tattoo as far as i'm not now you gotta go back to jiffy lube and be like i'm really sorry that's me you gotta try to fucking get a job now with this you're not gonna be a banker with that shit on your face you're not gonna be anything that shit on your face you you should look for you should look for a good felony to commit hope you have a huge cock and can start an only fans maybe it's possible so uh he wins with tko

from punches a war machine does he's six and two now december 2008 he's in court uh war machine here he's pleading guilty to felony assault in the in the choking incident here the zat cow incident that guy tough guy, we'll call it. Charges are later reduced on this to a misdemeanor. And the judge said that the plea could result in just misdemeanor punishment as well. Zatko, the victim, and the prosecutor both said that was acceptable to them, if it was a low-level thing. Zatko said, quote, I'm not interested in destroying somebody's life.

Plus, you might find me and beat the shit out of me again. Destroy mine. No shit. The prosecutor, David Williams, the third, a junior's junior. He said he agreed to have the charges lowered because that cow didn't oppose the lower charges and the injuries ended up not being as serious as initially thought. There was no nerve damage. And the injuries ended up not being as serious as initially thought. There was no nerve damage.

So, yeah. And also, the prosecutor said that War Machine's career as a professional fighter was not a factor at all in charging him up or down. It just wasn't a factor. So he also has to complete 30 days of public works service, such as picking up trash on the road and pay $2,300 in restitution and stay away from Zap Cow. Don't choke him anymore, please. That's about that. So February 27, 2009, this is XMMA7 Inferno, which sounds like a gay porn. XMMA7 Inferno sounds like a gay MMA parody. It's a parody of gay MMA fighters.

MMA parody. It's a parody of gay MMA fighters. He fights Guillaume Il Toro Di Lorenzi. So the bull here. 10-2 career record for the bull. This is a rear naked choke in the first round win for

War Machine. So War Machine's doing well. April 25, 2009. This is UWC 6 Capital Punishment. He fights Timothy the Good Soldier Woods. Capital Punishment? Capital, but capital, like, at the Capitol. It's in D.C. Oh, got it.

Capital Punishment, yeah. That's a bad pun. It's a bad, yeah. Also, it's about legal. They were like, we have to. We have to! It's also called Legal Murder. Yeah, how many MMA events have been called this in the city?

Probably everyone that goes to. They're like, oh, they're going to do it again. Aren't they? Christ. Whatever. So the good soldier is a seven and seven career fighter. This is a rear naked choke in the second round. Win for War Machine eight and two.

July 11, 2009. He fights Eric Perry Montano. Eric seems like a first name. Why you got to be Perry, too? I don't know what that. That's not really a nickname. What's the last name Perry Montano. Eric seems like a first name. Why you got to be Perry, too? I don't know what that is. That's not really a nickname. What's the last name? Montano.

I don't think there's two Eric Montanos fighting. Probably not. So Eric Perry. I don't know. Eight and six career record. This is a armbar submission win in the third round for War Machine. Nine and two. September 5th.

By the way, fighting's over real soon. September 5th, 2009. XFC9 Evolution. Fights Mikey Gomez and beats him up here. TKO with punches. 10-2 for War Machine. October 8th, 2009, he fights Bulletproof David Mitchell. That's a cool

name. Bulletproof. He's 22-7 career record, which is a fine record also. This goes all three rounds, and it's a decision a split decision loss for war machine brings him to 10 and three so it's at this point jesus christ that's october 8 2009 halloween that year october 31st 2009 this is when war machine announces that you know what i'm gonna keep fighting keep fighting. I love fighting, obviously. I'm pretty good at it.

And it's the only thing that lets me get my aggression out. But I'm also going to be in porn. Oh. That's my new career. He wants porn. He wants it bad. Oh, he's going to be in porn. Yeah.

Gay porn? No. Straight porn. All right. I thought maybe these titles of these fights, he was like, this is getting me so hot. Yeah. I think the last, that ex-MMA Inferno one, he was like, this is kind of sexy. I want to be in a film.

He's like, I'm going to call my first film that. So he does that. He revealed that he signed with LA Direct Models, and his first scene was with Riley Steele as the actress. She's hot. She's hot? She is. There you go. first scene was with riley steel as the actress i don't know she's hot she's hot she is there you

go so he says quote in life i have come to learn that all i enjoy is eating sleeping fighting and fucking samesies bro i'm living the dream getting paid to fight and fuck what more can i ask for okay that's a hell of a quote right there him and and Jesco White. Yeah, that's what I was just going to say. What is he, Hank III here? The fuck is going on? Except eating wasn't involved in that. No time to eat when you're that drunk, I guess. So that's why.

But yeah, that's exactly what I heard. We can't afford to eat, so we're just fighting and fucking. Fight, fuck, that's it. I don't understand it. What the shit is happening? How weird is that what a statement what a statement i all i enjoy is eating sleeping fighting and fucking so he's like the the skier nike cannon guy who's maddie nike cannon i think it's episode 80 something yeah where they asked

him we talked about this earlier where they said what he was a ski jumper right and he did these crazy like you know dead fucking death defying jumps. Absurd. Long. Hundreds of feet. I mean, it was absolutely, you would shit your pants if someone told you you had to do this. They'd say, what are you thinking before you go off into this dangerous thing?

What's on your mind? And he said, pussy. Pussy's always on my mind. And he said, what? He goes, pussy's always on my mind. Okay. Till a reporter. Thank you. NBC News. We appreciate it.bc news we appreciate that thanks that was after

the olympics they asked him what what do you think you can hear the music in the background of the interview his national anthem of switzerland they're showing him finland he's like lit you know what i mean like the the warm lighting and he's like, pussy. Pussy's always on my mind, Gale. I don't know why Gale is interviewing him. I don't know. It's got to be Gale. Seems right, right? So, shit. So, now his brother is mad about this.

His brother's mad at him for getting into porn. Of course. Yeah, it's kind of disgraceful. Because it's stupid. It's very stupid. His brother Michael says he didn't agree with War Machine getting into the porn business. Yeah. But he said at that point, this is what his brother said, War Machine was having sex with

so many different women anyway that he used to call him Whore Machine. Wow. That was his brother's nickname for him. Oh, my God. Whore Machine. Yeah. Which is fucking hilarious. I'm sorry.

That's amazing. It's gross and it's amazing. He's a whore. What's up, Whore Machine? That's amazing. It's gross and it's amazing. He's a whore. What's up, whore machine? That's fantastic. Sounds like it makes whores, though, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Like, it pumps them out.

Yeah. Ooh, we've got up to 12 whores an hour, boss. Excellent. Excellent. Turn it up. Turn it up to level eight. Let's see if we can get more. Good lord.

So, whore machine. So, his brother said, quote quote he had sex every day multiple times a day with multiple girls sometimes so you might as well get paid at some point right yeah i i see the logic but but that's that's that's a sex addiction that's not that's not even fun that's a problem he's got an issue all right yeah a big issue so that's i mean a lot of people get into a lot of different careers for that opportunity one day to have that. And that's clearly what his motivation is in fighting is finding women. Finding women and also taking out aggression.

He's got a lot of aggression to take out. Think about the things that happen as a kid that's going to be an angry kid. So apparently also he's got an angry cock as well. And also he doesn't respect women at all oh god no what do you what do you watch his mother yeah his mother was a drug addict who married a guy who he thought was a piece of shit so you know who in his mind i'm sure he'll say ruined his life yeah that's what he's gonna do so of course probably so uh anyway here he stars in four films really in 2009 alone wow we'll go over all of them, of course. He stars in My Sister's Hot Friend 19.

So that is, 19 is in the 18th sequel, not like She's 19. Just for clarification, My Sister's Hot Friend, comma, 19 could be... And we've done 18 of these. Yeah, this is the 19th installment. She's got a lot of friends. She's got a lot of hot friends.

My Sister's Awesome. That's what 20 should be called my sister's awesome it's just what what number 20 she's sweet she's just so awesome 20 movies worth of hot friends she's just the best wow also uh naughty office which is an Office take, obviously. Oh, of the show? Of the show, yeah. It's a porn parody. Okay. Then he does a TV series.

I don't know if this was on... I don't know who airs this, but it says TV series, My Sister's Hot Friend. He got on TV with this? He was so good? I don't know if they made made like a internet series like a web series of like my sister's hot friend but he's in it apparently i want to know which character of the office he uh i have no idea parodies is he jim are there any with neck tattoos

any that look like hawaiian dudes with neck tattoos walking around no shirts on choking people is that a weird thing for fucking the office the only like really ethnic guy in the office is uh is a gay man so that wouldn't work then he's in another tv series called real slut party okay real slut parties in two episodes of this uh one is called backyard party yeah and the other is called house party of the year which judging by the title of the series i think every party is the house party of the year is it not no am i wrong women that just want to fuck you yeah if that's the if that's your premise go with it is what i'm getting at it's a hell of a party that's a that's a party so i've never been

to a party like that no i can assure you i've never been to that at all ever and i would have probably been like i don't like it here if i was i've never walked into a party and everybody's like i smell god you're here we've been waiting to fuck you i smell jizz i gotta leave now this is not good do you smell jizz when you walk in yeah it's too much it's like you guys started already. Yeah, I think I'm late. Am I late? I'm late. I'm going to go home now.

I'm sorry. I thought it was two. I didn't know we were going at one. I'm clearly at minimum 15 minutes late. Jesus. Oh, wait a second. No, look at her. She looks like a melted candle.

We're going to go with... Yeah, she's already done the whole bukkake. We're going to go with at least an hour. I'm going for sure. That's at least eight guys worth of jizz. No, bad stuff here. November 2009, there is a porn star named Brooke Haven, and she

performed... Do you know this young lady? She performed... I like the night, though. She performed with War Machine during a porn, you know, whatever. Brookhaven. Yeah, which Brookhaven is like a- It's a place, isn't it? There's a town on Long Island, Brookhaven.

There's Brookhaven's everywhere. It's fascinating. She's probably from Brookhaven. She is probably. Called herself Brook with an E. They're all named after her. Yeah. Either that or her vagina is a haven.

I'm not sure which one. Or a babbling book. Or it's a brook. It's either one or babbling or it's a brook so either one either way yeah it's a welcoming name yeah so uh apparently she said that uh they had a scene she said at first she was a little this is a bleacher report had a pretty good thing on this she said that at first she was a little you know apprehensive but then after a while she said war machine was quote very very friendly on set nice guy so she invited him to her birthday party which was held in a van nuys california porn studio yeah which do you know what your birthday sucks your birthday is disgusting yeah it's you're

going to work basically to the office to have your birthday party that's a great point if you if you are a receptionist and you have everybody come back to the office to hang out there no no no one would do that you're an accountant and you're gonna have people come to the accounting office apparently fuck that and everybody attended was in porn pretty much she said uh about 60 people she said were there and she said war machine actually got there early he wasn't late or anything and he even helped blow up balloons oh i got there early and helped set up the party and oh my helped blow up balloons oh i got there early and helped set up the party and oh my god nice to put out the punch i'm sure you know how it is but there's jizz in the punch don't drink the punch um yeah but that's she wasn't there for that she

just heard that he showed up doing that she says quote by the time i showed up at the party he was wasted he was drunk already drunk already and uh I guess his date for the evening was another porn star, Alana Ray. Yep. Yep, I know her. Very familiar. Yep. Can see her face now. Yeah, now, well, it's funny that you say that.

You can see her face, the way you put it. Haven says she saw War Machine slap Ray in the face. Oh, you did? That Jimmy has seen. Yeah, and Jimmy's not happy about this. Oh, what an asshole. No one should be happy uh after he saw her talking to um to uh some other guy yeah another porn star with a bigger

dick so yeah he got mad went over and slapped her in the face which is insane that's first of all you're two porn people you're jealous of the whole thing is i get it but i don't know why are you in that relationship you clearly can't handle that. That's what I mean. Maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who does that for a living. And you knew that you did that for a living. It's not like she surprised you. You also do that for a living.

Not to mention, yeah, look at what you did. This is very hypocritical. You think? Yeah. So Haven says, quote, a few of the guys kind of approached him. It was kind of like, hey, hey man don't be hitting girls that's not necessary here we don't need that yeah not like hey you motherfucker because they didn't want to get the shit beat out of them so they were all like hey dude you know maybe don't hit women

right like imagine that imagine if you went in there and slapped her everybody would have come over and kicked the shit out of you two seconds hell out of me also you gotta understand that porn star guys are jacked and they look pretty great yeah but those guys don't know how to use those muscles those are simply for camera angles they take roids that's it right yeah they oil themselves up this is where i want to say and this goes for prison too that we're going to talk about in a minute the difference between the difference between a guy like just somebody walking around in the streets that's reasonably tough, that maybe got in a fight five years ago or something, and a professional fighter who's in the middle of a fighting career, it's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing one.

You can't even compare the level of the mode that a guy like this, War Machine, can snap into, where he, as all business knows what he's doing, will take you apart. You won't even know what's going on yet because you're not used to this and you don't do this for a living. A bone coming through your skin. That's the thing. It's the difference between chewing on a tree branch and putting it in a wood chipper. Have you ever seen Michael Carbajal fight that guy in the parking lot?

No, I still haven't seen it. There's a gas station video. I think it was at 32nd Street and Greenway from the mid mid 90s of Mark Michael Carbajal, who fought at like 110 pounds. He's probably a buck 25 walking around. Little tiny dude. And somebody started shit with him in a gas station parking lot. Much bigger guy. Carbajal hit him about 20 fucking times from the time he was standing, punched him all the way down to the ground as he was just destroyed this guy.

The guy didn't even know what was going on because you can't even do it it's just it's silly so nobody on the outside wants to approach and fight a professional fighter they're gonna fuck you up period don't do it make fun of them from a safe distance through a podcast microphone and then if they say anything you just make fun of them more hope they can't find your house i have health insurance now fuck it eat dicks war machine so uh yeah they said that she says that uh you know they said we don't need that quote and he just went into a rage the look on his face was like a silverback gorilla on a rampage he had a blank look on his face and he just started hitting people anyone who was in his way yeah just because they said hey please don't hit women at our party yeah it's not like it's his house even he was like

it's my house i'll hit my woman if i want or some redneck shit like that i also get the reference and the animal kingdom uh uh approach there and like showing that's the what it was but it felt a little racist yeah no he's half german and half mexican so i've never heard a half german half mexican be referred to as a silverback gorilla as a racial slur so we're gonna like slap the ground we're gonna call that not shake his shoulders no but after he hit three people he opened a banana and ate it in one bite yeah so i feel like that was yeah so i could understand at that point you're like oh man he's like a lion then you're like oh wait no yeah no it's like a gorilla i'm sorry sort of pushing a tire around the living room yeah oh that's totally different

beat on a samsonite briefcase that's all i see now uh war machine says this incident was nothing but a quote huge misunderstanding yeah just a giant misunderstanding uh he said this is ridiculous i wanted to punch her not them i mean i was i was hitting who i wanted to hit right um he said that he was swarmed by 10 men at the party after they said he hit ray which he said he absolutely didn't do at all and they just came up and attacked me which a bunch of guys you that's the guy let's go beat the shit out of the guy who could beat the shit out of all of us let's how many guys who does that yeah there's 10 of us let's try let's give it a run let's give it a whirl come on everybody he says quote once the initial blows were thrown i continued to punch anyone that came toward me

and that i thought was a threat i was working my way toward my car and everywhere i looked there were angry people trying to block me off at one point even a girl i girl, I think Brookhaven, was punching me in the head. So everybody was trying to get him under control because he was out of control and drunk and punching people. He's trying to leave the party and get into his car and he's hammered. Hammered, wasted. What an idiot. Yeah, that's the thing. After he punches

a bunch of people. And he's the victim. Well, yeah, I didn't know what I was... Shit, I was just doing something. Christ Almighty, I'm good now. I'm here to celebrate. I'm here to have a good Almighty. I'm good now. I'm here to celebrate. Here to have a good time. May 15th, 2010. This is a fight now. A legal fight.

He's still fighting. This is Bama 3. Okay. B-A-M-M-A 3. And it's in Birmingham, England. Oh. You wouldn't expect that, right? It's Bama 3 in Birmingham.

Oh, Alabama. Nope. England. Why are we calling it that? I have no fucking idea. And I don't care enough. Because there's so much crime, it doesn't matter. oh you wouldn't expect that right it's a bama three in birmingham oh alabama nope england why are we calling it i have no fucking idea and i don't care enough because there's so much crime it doesn't matter that's too confusing england no shit he fights zach light who is known as the libson outlaw oh so there you go he's portuguese yeah he's a 9 and 11 career fighter and uh this is a rear naked choke win in the first round for old war machine. He had to make a comeback here with a good win. So I feel like they got him somebody he could beat.

July 9th, 2010. This is a Jesus Christ. This is a TPF five stars and stripes. He fights John the natural Alessio, who's a 35 and 17 career fighter. And he loses to a rear naked choke making him 11 and 4 uh also he's in um seven porns that year wow he's in let's see here he's in naughty office 20 he's going for it 20 yeah he's in nurse jobs oh here's one a big sauces big sausage pizza he He's in. Gross. That sounds disgusting. It does. Shauna goes to war.

I don't know what that is, but I guess war with his war machine. War with his cock. Porn star athletics three. That I could get into. Is that like Battle of the Network Stars in the 70s where they have guys from sitcoms do relay races against each other? I don't know. I'll watch. He's in an episode of the TV series Real Wife Stories.

The episode he's in is called This Cocks For You. Oh, boy. So there's that. I wonder what happened in that one. I don't know. I'm not positive, but I could take a guess, probably.

I think I could write you a synopsis. Next, he's in a TV series again called Big Tits At School. He's in an episode called Nerd sex so there's that porn's gotta stop that too it's so ridiculous they're like this guy's a nerd they just put glasses on a guy with a neck tattoo yeah they put glasses on a guy with a neck tattoo and yeah that's it ridiculous nerd indian nerd yeah. Isn't he a nerd? Yeah. What a dork. Look at him. He's got a polo shirt that's too tight for him. Super nerdy, right? He's ripped in his necktie.

Total dork. Shit. He's also busy doing other things like assaulting female bartenders and punching bouncers in separate incidents. What? He's in two different bars. One of them, he's charged with three counts of assault with a deadly weapon. Yeah. This is two different bars uh one of them he's charged with three counts of assault with a deadly weapon yeah this is uh two different bars out in california here during one incident

he smashed several glasses on a bar top when he was asked for id he started sweeping the bar off basically and knocking glasses everyone everywhere you get there yeah and uh a bartender a female bartender was hit with a bunch of glass during the incident as he was breaking glass uh there was that he she says quite quite quote he got more and more irritated and then swiped his arm toward me swiped the whole bar clean and there was quite a few bottles on the bar and the glasses hit me so you can't do that in public no the other incident was at a place called the thrusters loungeounge, which for a porn star MMA fighter, that's the best name of a bar you could ever get. Thrusters, is that for us?

I think it's for us. It sounds like it's only porn stars in there. And MMA fighters. Right. I'm thrusting your punch. I'm always thrusting something. My hips, my fists, something. This is in Pacific Beach.

Apparently, he was taken into custody after he beat the living shit out of a bunch of people in a bar. There was an altercation, and then he was arrested outside the bar. Apparently, him and another male were fighting with the bouncers, and when the cops tried to approach the situation, he stopped fighting and ran away. So the cops eventually caught up with him and cuffed him and uh he ended up the picture of him being put in the car he's got one of those spit bags on his head too oh he's a spitter so apparently he was not uh being cooperative at all he's doing spitting and doing that sort of thing dana white should put these guys in just cages uh until they're it's their they might as well. They shouldn't be allowed out.

No. If you're going to have someone so aggressive like this, if you have a dog that's too aggressive, you're not allowed to let him run around your front yard. You have to keep him in a cage or on a leash or drugged or behind closed doors. Always monitored. Maybe put him to sleep if it's too much. I don't know.

You never know. I'd be okay with Danaway putting some of these fighters down. The problem is the more aggressive, he'd be putting the passive ones down. That's the thing. He'd be like a dog fighting person. He'd be like Michael Vick. Yeah, he'd be Michael Vick. Putting down the pussies.

I drown the pussies. Thanks. But this guy, War Machine guy, is fucking great. He's always thrusting. Now, August of 2010, he gets sentenced for this. You, sir, may fuck off. He's sentenced to a year in county jail. Really?

For felony assault on this one. In L.A. County. Oh, absolutely. A year in county jail. This was at, yeah, he's in San Diego. San Diego. San Diego. P.B.

Yeah. Yeah. He's sent to the George Bailey Detention Center and served some time in solitary confinement there. Now, this is where it gets fun before it gets bad uh he's got a blog in prison by the way bonus episode this week is we're going to give you a piece a touch of it now but we're going to read about two about two months worth of prison blogs of war machine and see like a how an asshole does in prison for two

months and we're going to just make fun of him unmercifully so that's for patreon this week it's coming out uh what wednesday yeah two tuesday night wednesday five dollars and above on there you're gonna want this because we're really gonna rip him up uh one of them let's start with his blog here's some here's his his quotes here his choices uh his choice quotes quote so it's christmas day and I'm laying in my bunk wondering why the hell do American men get married? He says, OK, there's one guy in here for slapping his wife, one for yelling at his wife and one for beating some guy's ass that disrespected his wife. What the fuck? If your wife is being a bitch, you can't slap her. If your wife is yelling at you, God forbid you yell back.

And if some asshole hurts your wife you can't even protect her jesus christ next thing you know it will be illegal to fuck your wife lmao he said that he said that lmao afterwards that's in there hold on there's a man in there for yelling at his wife that's what he says i don't think so yeah that's after he kicked her in the pussy probably let's be honest here i at her. Oh, this poor son of a bitch. So then he says, yeah, LMAO. Maybe then men in this country will get the fucking hint and move. This country forces you to be a bitch and then you go to jail.

Okay. Then there's more. Yeah. Okay. He went on to this is fun here. Okay, he went on to this is fun here. Quote, the oppression of men, all capital men, is worse than the oppression of Jews in Nazi Germany, worse than the slavery of blacks in early America. I'm not exaggerating either.

Slow down. Every Jew and every black man, both in jail and those who have managed to avoid it, will attest to what i have just written in order to be wow in order to be elusive and to have longevity the oppressor has learned to kill men while their bodies remain alive and with your spirit extinguished you're nothing but a fucking zombie a shell of a man waiting to die oh boy he just said he's the problem you this person yeah he's the fucking worse oh let's keep going oh boy uh here's something for domestic abuse a little thing on there quote this mexican dude just got here and i guess he found out his wife was hooking behind spec jesus christ not fucking

around fucking a guy no he's a prostitute okay that'll get me put in jail too i had a the shot i don't even i i couldn't hit anybody i'd be so just shocked you're doing what i'd be like oh my what are you talking about so i got a second job how do you lead into that i don't know we found out it's a quote so he said he slapped the shit out of her and she fell and hit her head and died exclamation point that ain't it but that's not from a slap he then he panicked and took her body somewhere and burnt it on a fire exclamation point anyway this guy is like a straight immigrant quiet little dude super nice i feel bad for him exclamation point murderer i mean what husband wouldn't slap their wife if he caught her being a hooker poor guy didn't mean to kill her i believe him

exclamation point okay oh his blog is great oh it's gonna i'm telling you i got some choice shit just his opinions on two months of jail um here is his opinions on racism shall we what do you think about this judging by the one we had the intro earlier. Here we go. Quote, I think racism as it was is pretty much over. There is only one part of it that remains, and that is no white Mexican Italian. No one wants their sister, mother, ex-girlfriend, current girlfriend, or any other pretty white girl to date a black guy. Exclamation point.

What? I share this opinion, and I'm definitely not racist. Well, clearly you're not a racist. Thanks for clearing that up, War Machine. For a minute, I was like, this guy sounds racist. I'm glad he said that, because I was really starting to judge him. But, black guy... Who black guys to date, War Machine?

Are you saying stick to your own that's called racism that's called the definition of racism uh but i figured out why exclamation point he loves exclamation points the one thing stopping complete integration and ending racism is the all capital letters myth that blacks have bigger dicks than other races that That's it. So he's saying that because people say that blacks have bigger dicks than other people, then none of it would happen otherwise. If we didn't believe that, we wouldn't have racism. This is on asking women for money in prison. He says, quote, people are lame.

I see some guys in here here grown men on the phone straight screaming at their grandmothers for not sending them enough money each week for snacks while there i am getting mad at my wife for sending me cards all the time because i know she needs every penny right now don't want to sound racist or whatever but but is the next word the blacks are the absolute worst about this don't want to sound racist or whatever but i hate black people don't no racist are you out of your fucking mind i wish he just threw in uh and they smell funny too yeah shit like that and they can't swim what the fuck are you talking about here uh okay i don't know when or how it was put into their mentalities, but they're all about being being a pimp and breaking.

They bitches pockets. LOL. Exclamation point. Not just in jail, either. They're always bragging about how they their girlfriends got good jobs, maybe two, and how they give their checks to them and get themselves all pronouns. You fucking asshole. Get themselves all nice and shit and kick back all day and blah, blah. I don't know, but I could never do that

to a woman I cared about. What? He won't take her money, but you'll find out what he will do to a woman he cares about. Shit, I couldn't even use a girl like that. I didn't even care for. At the same time, though,

women do it to men all the time. Dot, dot, dot. Okay. Now this is his other thing let's just you like this one quote why is it okay for women to admit they have rape fantasies but if a man were to were to it's the end of the world he's disgusting evil etc i've heard from countless women that they have this fantasy but never from a man why and does having a fantasy mean you may do it to people not oh he's talking about actual raping, not being raped. Right.

Those are different. Those are different. He's acting like he's a bad man because he has fantasies of raping people. Yeah. It's not the same as a woman. That's a different. Being dominated is the thing that women like. Yeah.

And it's not an actual. They don't actually want an actual. There's no actual fear. No, they want the guy they like to pretend like they're whatever. That's a different thing. Let's not talk about it. I don't want to get a million tweets about it, but you know what the fuck we're talking about when he's talking about this.

This is not fantasies. He means he says, I'm never from man. Why do people not fantasize about countless things every day that they may never do? How many times have you fantasized of punching your boss? Did you ever do it? I bring it up because in these books I'm reading, the Kent Family Chronicles, there's been a few rape scenes. And I won't lie. Shit got me horny as hell.

Yeah, you're a bad person. Oh, my God. I felt guilty at first because I knew it's something that I'd never do and something that I believe is wrong. Remember that quote? In fact, I have fantasized a couple times of going on that sex offender website, stalking and killing some of them. Okay, so that's his deal there. Yeah, so let's see.

He has some fascinating thoughts. Yeah, he does. Oh, that's Nazi Germany again. What? Let's see here. This is the end of the other one here he says that um um slavery okay the oppression of men is worse than the oppression of jews and nazi germany and the slavery of blacks in america i'm not exaggerating either i told you all that part

being a man is balls not brawn so don't think you are too weak or small to be the man i'm talking about so many of you are men, all capitals, but if you got trapped by the oppressor, but you got trapped by the oppressor, every time you fight the urge to tell your wife no, or you tell your son, don't punch the bully, go tell instead, you're letting the oppressor win. Think on it. P.S. Before people cry about me comparing the oppression of men to the holocaust and slavery let me illustrate a few things the oppressor has learned from history that dead bodies attract too much attention to what's going on or yes there would be millions of dead men

they'd love that quick fix in order to be elusive and to have longevity the oppressor has learned to kill men worth while their bodies remain alive okay that's what he's talking about also you don't have kids don't tell me how to wow also yeah shut the fuck up fuck you don't tell anyone how to do anything uh here's something quote being an alpha male is a real phenomenon people always seek out to challenge me seek me out to follow and girls to fuck seriously since i was in kindergarten i've always been the leader always got the girl and always was provoked to fight and since i always win i would get in trouble bullshit if i wasn't tough i'd be the the world's biggest victim and would get nothing but compassion just because

i win fights at other start i'm a criminal fuck the laws in this country okay oh boy and uh yeah logic is fucked man here's the last one for now uh quote uh guys used to do dumb rowdy shit and people just uh sighed and said boys will be boys now it's boys will be horrible evil men and should be locked away for life after all look at the prisons they're full of men not women actually there's a shitload of women's prisons and there's a ton of full of women that's because yeah that women make as much profit for these companies that run the prisons as men do, so they don't give a shit about that. The body's a body.

It doesn't matter what genitals are on it. They just want somebody at the state will give them 40 bucks a day to feed or whatever, and then they can give you 20 bucks worth of food and pocket the rest. So, quote, Are men evil and women not, or do the laws target and attempt to restrict

natural men's behavior? How many of the heroes in American history would avoid prison if they lived today? Davy Crockett, Thomas Jefferson, David Bowie. David Bowie was alive. What the hell is he talking about? David, did he mean Davy Crockett? No, he said that earlier.

I don't know. Sam Bowie, did he mean? I don't know. I think. Was David Bowie dead yet? No, I was talking about the center. David Sam Bowie. From the Nets I was talking about the center. David... From the Nets.

Yeah. General Grant and General Lee? Well, one of them would have been okay. The other one now would be in fucking Guantanamo. Right. Shit, George Washington. How many of those American heroes would avoid a felony or two if living today? Probably most of them, as a matter of fact.

Also, David Bowie is British, isn't he? Yeah, he wouldn't even have been here. American heroes? No. Calm down, mister. David Bowie wasn't a real alpha male, either. No. No. of fact also david bowie is uh british isn't he yeah he wouldn't even have been here american euros no calm down mr david bowie wasn't a real alpha male either no no androgynous would be the best word to describe him that i can think of yeah ubiquitously androgynous women want to bitch and cry about their rights equally lmao men are the ones locked away like animals while women run free. What? November 26, 2011, he's out of jail.

He's fighting again. UWF1, who wouldn't want to hire this guy? It's about time. You can hear more. Like we said, we're going to do, it's basically like a narrative of two months of prison for him. It's fucking hilarious. There's an old Polish man you'll be very interested in. Trust me. UWF1, Huerta versus war machine he fights he fights roger almatador huerta uh 24 and 12 career uh he wins war machine does for the tko

in the third round 12 and 4 and he's in a couple of porn's too uh he's in one called mr choose asian beaver 5 they make him asian i don't know no the beaver's asian jimmy not the guy got it it doesn't matter what the guys are so mr choose asian beaver five and pure pleasure volume two he's into so good for him that's nice holy shit uh now 2012 he is working in a gay nightclub as a topless bottle server what he's basically working like the vip section of a gay nightclub right of an oiled up man with a six-pack comes over to serve the bottles sweet jesus apparently yeah um somebody made a comment that he didn't like and he started beating the shit out of some gay guy in the middle of a gay nightclub for being gay,

which you can't do. He came there to be gay. The whole point of the place is to fucking gay it up all you want. Be comfortable because everyone here is like-minded, and he's like a fucking, probably an oiled-up, sparkly, shirtless fucking guy who's delivering drinks, and he's like how dare you objectify my body it's like no are the bait with which we are selling all this booze yeah shut the

fuck up you to come over the girls at hooters don't freak out whenever you go hey those are nice tips yes exactly it's a if it's a straight club with guys in it you're gonna have or when i order my large-breasted women delivering the bottles. I order my beers from your nipples. They expect that because that's what they're there for. If Jimmy's bringing bottles over, no one's ordering more bottles. They're like, who cares? I don't mean, you know, maybe some.

Just keep your chest hairs out of my martini. I meant guys would be, yeah, they don't want to fuck you. Maybe they would. Most people don't want to fuck me. Less than him, though. I don't know. Some people will fuck you. You can get it, Jimmy. I'll throw one fuck me. Less than him, though. I don't know. Some people will fuck you. You can get it, Jimmy.

I'll throw one at you. Don't worry, pal. God damn it. So he is sentenced to a year in jail for this attack. Oh. It's a pretty good attack. And since he was just in jail for pretty much the same exact thing, they're like, why don't we go ahead and put you back in?

So he's back in jail. Back in jail in 2012. Yeah. He's in jail in jail for about i want to say eight months or so and then october 29th he's released from jail uh he does put out a film in 2012 which is good he stars in a movie called cock hits the spot four so that's a good one there i think i love the title oh you're gonna love them in about 10 minutes what's coming up my favorite mr choose asian asian beaver five it said it's five that makes it funny if it was three it wouldn't have been as funny you can get that at the wet market no you can definitely july 13 2013 he's still fighting he's fighting for bellator now which is a pretty big company bellator 96 versus blas avena who's an eight and seven career fighter

he wins with a tko with punches in the first round uh it's at this point that he starts dating a porn star like having a serious relationship with a porn star named christy mack uh now christy mack is in a shit load of movies um shall we go over i love it well let's shall we go over a few of them? I would love it. Well, let's. Shall we? Okay. Let's start with back in 2012 when she started Tits to Die for Two. Okay. So apparently somebody else had it. Mr. Anal. Oh.

Which is. Not bad. Hi, I'm Mr. Anal. No, Mr. Clean's going to be late. I'm Mr. Anal. Different guy. Then Let's Try Anal. Okay. Okay. She's in

after that. May as well. She's good at it. In a film called Facial Fest, which sounds, you know, I get the point. Girlfriend Revenge 7, Party of Three. Oh, those are cuckold movies. Those are tough. Party of Four.

Oh, no. No, Party of Three Four. Party of Three Part Four. no. No, Party of Three, Four. Party of Three, Part Four. Got it. Sorry. Doctor Adventures. Half Pass. Hall Pass Ass. Which I assume is school themed.

Monster Curves. Tan Lines Two. Okay. Okay. What is this? Bomonastar? I don't know what the fuck you even say that i don't even know what that is uh baby got boobs 10 that's the fucking name that's a good one baby got boobs 10 young girls love sex just that's it what say it again young girls love sex loves sex love oh okay young girls love sex young girls love sex uh then she is in uh

knocking boots tattooed anal sluts now oh good lord tattooed anal sluts that's one way to contribute to the misrepresentation and and uh disrespect. What kind of actresses we got in this movie? You know. Tattooed anal sluts. Yeah, Gus. Dark Knight, triple X, a porn parody. She's in that. Anal lessons.

She's in that. I don't know if she's giving or receiving them. I didn't realize she did a lot of anal. She's in another episode of Baby Got Boobs after that. Bra Busters 4. Getting Schooled. Hot Body Inc. big tits at school big ass is at school big ass is uh ink girls uh planting seeds three

girls will be boys i don't like that one at all i think that's a strap-on movie i'm gonna go ahead and guess that seems like it seems like some Dom stuff. Big Wet Tits 12. Okay. Porn Stars Like It Big 16. Down to Fuck 3. I don't know if that's down to fuck three people or down to fuck part three, but there's no colon, so I'm not sure.

Well, there's a colon, but that's in the movie. Two Chicks at the same time, part 14. Just one called Trashy. I like that one. That's good. That one I'm into. So Jimmy's going to download on that one.

Manuel Ferrara reverse gangbang. What? Okay, I think that's a bunch of girls because they're reverse gangbang. Banging a dude, yeah. Banging Mario. What was his name? Manuel Ferr dude. Banging Mario. What was his name? Manuel Ferrara.

Banging Manuel. Yeah. Girls 3 through 46, you're going to be super disappointed. Just so you know. Girls 3 through 46, get oral. I got from each other. Because I got about... I mean, I'm excited.

I got a couple in me. But not more than that. I can't wait. Much, much more than a couple in me but not more than that much much more than a couple it's gonna back to that start and then probably you guys are in deep shit uh she's in foot worship episode of a tv series um let's see here big butts like it big it's a good one uh skin tight wanderlust big Tits at Work in a TV series. Let's see. Inked Angels, an episode of Big Wet Butts that year.

Dorm Invasion, Slutty and Sluttier 19. Like Dumb and Dumber? I think it's like a buddy film. It's a buddy cop. They go across the country trying to get more cock. Slutty and Sluttier. Slutty and Sluttier. Whores Inc. And I don't know if that's supposed to be like Monsters Inc. the country trying to get more cock slutty and sluttier slutty and sluttier uh whores ink uh

and i don't know if that's supposed to be like monsters ink but with tattoos yeah uh jack attack uh tonight's girlfriend 31 tits for hire uh oil overdose baby got boobs 14 yeah she's big on that series. They love her. Fat-ass white girls, Pog7. White girls. P-H-A-T. Yeah. My sister's hot friend, 35. They've really... Oh. I'm happy to hear that that series has progressed such a long way.

And they had him early in the series. 19. And then they get her in there. All the way to 35. Oil overload 10. Big anal asses, which seems repetitive, really. That's redundant itself. It's very redundant.

Rambone XXX, a parody, Rambo. I Have a Wife 25. Okay. Hot and Mean. That I don't like. One just called Spread, which sounds disturbing. I don't like that at all. A TV series called Dirty Masseur.

That's nice. The seduction of young girls twisted taboo tales one her career is deep it's deep it's very deep almost done here delicious tits um fat ass white girls pog 14 she got back she got back uh horny housewives too so judging by this she has tattoo big tits and big ass is what I'm getting at this. Hot and Mean 13. She was so hot and so mean last time. Dirty Masaur 8. Big Butts Like It Big 15. You know, sometimes it's kind of like Robert De Niro. You got all those Meet the Fockers sequels. You just get pinned down in the sequels at that point. And it's killing your creativity, really, I i think but they're starting to hit her like like robert de niro as a character actress yeah

big butts and the big that's true big butts baby got boobs 15 fat ass white girls 12 14 15 how about just doing a porno series christy mack fucks a guy yeah that's a good call it that or she can do true lesbian lovers which is the other one i'm into that that's good stuff and so that's that's her her uh her whole thing here now she met war machine during a shoot for the january 2014 issue of hustler they got together to fuck um while they took pictures to put in the magazine so they had sex during the shoot and they started dating. Wild.

Which, you know, hey, deep's their own, I guess. You can go one way or the other. Now, she said the relationship progressed, and over time, he became very jealous of her and unhappy and pissed off about her porn career. Not into that at all.

She said, quote, he would tell me he was disgusted with me when I would come home. What? He would tell me he was disgusted with me when i would come home he would always be very displeased with me if i couldn't have sex with him and it would make him extremely extremely angry angry so he would always ask me to quit yeah i can understand that yeah she comes home she doesn't want to fuck him now she's been you know i'm sore i was gonna say you gotta be sore actually there's an interview with her where she talks about being sore really all the time yeah she's like it makes you very sore these guys are huge and they put you in weird positions

she's like you put a condom on forget about it's just gonna really dry you out then and then you come home and i'm gonna try to fuck that little guy so now so yeah he would ask her to quit she said that they uh they jointly made the decision for her to stop performing in porn about a few months into their relationship and uh but they would still argue a lot and apparently he got pretty violent sometimes with her she said that he hit her at least once a month which is horrible any of any times horrible but that's ridiculous that's just insane if you have a schedule of how many times a month you're getting once a month or so he's hitting me she said quote mostly in the face uh he would choke me a lot he would always hit me open-handed jesus christ uh she said there was an argument over of he she gave a ferret cage to her mother

and apparently that caused a big huge fight that turned violent. And let's find out. She said, quote, he thought I was giving him attitude. So he picked me up by the throat and carried me into the laundry room, slammed the door behind him and continued to choke at me and hold me down. This is disturbing. Yeah, it's fucking disturbing. See what I mean? This is this is this is dark. Yeah, he's going far.

He's going far for like he's going for fear. Punishment he's going far for like the he's going for fear punishment doesn't fit the crime and he's going for fear too is what he wants uh he would often take her cell phone so she wouldn't call her mother and tell on him or you know be upset she told she says later on also that on four or five different occasions he threatened to kill her and her mother if she reported the abuse yeah if you call the cops i'll kill you and your mom for good measure in case you don't care about your fair cage back uh yeah uh she said she continued to to date him even despite this she said quote i was in love after each incident things cleared for the things changed for the better for a small amount

of time yeah it's called a cool down period and then he's a fucking psychopath here uh but the cycle never really changes and you're just kind of so stuck in the cycle that you don't realize it's never going to change that nothing will ever get better that things will continue to get worse until it comes to this a huge this huge explosion like mine did um now also at this point, Brad Dreyer, who is his kind of a workout guy that helps him do shit, he says, quote, he was using steroids, testosterone in limited amounts, but that stuff has a huge effect on your personality. When he wasn't on it, he was a much nicer person. When he was on it, he was like Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde kind of thing going on.

Not good. And also on top of that, this Dreyer says, quote, he was taking Lexapro. That I know for sure because he asked me to take it. So between the steroid, you can't be mixing. You can't be mixing antidepressants and steroids and weird shit. If you are doing that, you better talk to your doctor and find out how that shit interacts. Tell a professional that gave you a specific amount yeah what else you're mixing with that that's exactly it and this dryer guy said that war machine got angry or violent for

uh once every five or six months he would have huge outbursts he called he said quote a ticking time bomb where he's not going to kill someone but he's still a ticking time bomb he's still verbally and physically more aggressive than what the situation calls for and to add gasoline to the fire he has anger issues toward women which are really bad no shit uh but september 20th 2013 he's still in the ring bellator 100 he fights vaude blood anderson but b-l-u-d and he's a white guy which is weird um when i saw the blood i was like it sounds like a yeah like a black dude from southern california calling like an old school or jamaican or jamaican something like that so this is this is a 16 and 3 career fighter uh war machine wins with a rear naked choke

in the second round uh christy is at this fight by the way she's at this fight and she's also at the next fight october 28 2013 bellator 104 uh where he for war machine fights ron kelse uh kessler who's an 11 and 9 career fighter and uh kessler beats him with a rear naked choke in round one making war machine 14 and 5 so january 2014 the hustler layout comes out with him and christy fucking yeah so that's a big deal now let's talk about this shit august 8th 2014 mac christy is friends with a guy named cory thomas okay cory thomas i found out it was on a reality tv show he was on a vh1 show uh called megan wants a millionaire and this was same producers as like rock of love and all that shit all those dating contests 2000s vh1 reality shows we all remember

this shit so this was a uh rock of love contestant uh megan hauserman and uh basically it's a thing where she's trying to find a rich guy to marry. It's a contest to all these rich guys compete for 17 wealthy single men compete for her love. Exciting. During the casting process, they were found basically single men with a net worth of over $1 million. Is the deal here. And Corey is in this mix.

He's one of the suitors, Corey Thomas. He apparently his nickname, because now they give them all stupid nicknames. He was the hot shot. He was 31 years old at the time. So he's 33-ish now, and he was worth $5 million. What'd he do? Apparently.

Not sure, but $5 million. Some of these nicknames are fun. He's doing it. One guy they called the Latin Lover, $2 million. The rich guy, it's funny, too. One of the richest guys won. Who was it? A guy named T.J. Diab. Yeah. I don't know. He had $6.5 million. He too one of the richest guys won who was it a guy named tj

diab yeah i don't know he had 6.5 million dollars he was one of the richest one of the richest there was another one who was a 10 million dollars but he apparently was just a trust fund kid so nobody wants that asshole anyway he's not going to keep that screw him that's all going away one day yeah and then one guy his name was dave sex toy d Levine, who sold sex toys on the Internet. And he had nine and a half million dollars. It's going to be a lot more than that one day. Corey doesn't win, though, basically. He was on this show.

Now, August 7th, 2014. Buckle up, everybody. This is going to be crazy for a while. Gave you all sorts of fun porn names and stupid prison stuff. Now it's time to get dirty with this shit. August 7th? August 7th, 2014. Christy Mack and Corey Thomas went to lunch together.

By the way, she describes the relationship as a formerly sexual relationship that is not sexual now, that they're friends now. That's how she describes it. They went lunch and went to buy shopping and went to shopping to buy supplies for Christy's upcoming appearance at a Las Vegas tattoo convention. So she gets paid and went to shopping to buy supplies for christy's upcoming appearance at a las vegas tattoo convention so she gets paid a lot to go to those places

so um they had been hanging out here for about two months but she says they weren't fucking at the time then other people will say they were fucking at the time so we don't know what's going on and really doesn't matter they were hanging out either way uh for about the last couple months now cory thomas he said he knew knew that what she described as her ex-boyfriend, but they were still together. She knew that he was an MMA fighter. He knew that. Corey knew that. So right away, this is all shady and shitty.

Yeah, everybody's being a little bit shady here. It's very volatile. Now, she was seeing both guys, she said later on. She admitted that she's seeing, but it doesn't fucking matter. You're allowed to see 100 guys, and that's not against the law or cause for any violence. Now, while this is all going on, they finish shopping. I guess Corey Thomas picks up some salads for them and heads over to her home i guess they watched some dinner they ate some dinner they didn't watch the dinner this is great

dinner boy that looks good wow i have never seen it do it's not i like how steak gets all it's real stuff on the outs on the outside it's gray and stuff on the inside red it's pretty red wild do you see that the juice is getting bigger underneath? I don't know. Hold on. It seems like it's coming out. I'm trying to watch this.

Jesus fucking Christ. I hate watching things with you. You never shut up. I'm trying to watch this fucking... Trying to watch the green thing. Trying to watch my Brussels sprouts. So they ate dinner. They watched some Netflix

and fell asleep on the couch. They woke up, apparently. This is the story. They woke up and moved to the bed around 12. 30 a.m and um they you know they were both clothed and shit like that they both felt went to fell asleep on the couch uh her two dogs were in bed with them as well two pit bulls were in bed there about a little before 2 a.m uh there's a key in the door of the front lock of the door and it's war machine coming home a

little early okay um not good he says that he was coming home to surprise her with an engagement ring okay how do you let's let's go over this guy so far yeah how do you think he's going to react to coming home i tell you picture him like uh i picture him like an old timey yeah like a 50s guy he's got a suit and tie and like a gray like hat on he puts it on the hat rack you picture him like a picture of like an old timey, like a 50s guy. He's got a suit and tie and like a gray hat on. He puts it on the hat rack. He's got like a dozen roses. The tie looks goes in his shirt pocket, pulls out the ring, looks at it one more time. He's like, I sure hope she says yes.

Here we go back. And he's like, oh, boy. He heads in there. Jolly gee, you're willikers. And he's just opens the door. What the fuck? Yeah. He walks into the bedroom, turn the lights on and finds this dude opens the door and what the fuck uh yeah he walks into the bedroom turn the lights on

and finds this dude in the bed uh apparently he started screaming and jumped on cory thomas and uh the way it's cory thomas put it he quote started wailing on my face and basically uh then he put him in uh war machine like i have to tell you who the aggressor here is. War Machine puts Thomas in two different chokeholds as they wrestle around on the ground. He then drags this guy, Thomas, to the bathroom in a chokehold and basically beat him for about 10 minutes. Oh, boy. A sustained 10-minute beating. Imagine that.

Think about that. In close quarters. That's longer than just about any fight heminute beating. Imagine that. Think about that. In close quarters. That's longer than just about any fight he's ever had in MMA. Think about it. In a bathroom. Putting him in chokeholds, punching him, kicking him, biting him, just attacking him in every way possible.

Yeah, so Thomas, he says, quote, once it registered I was getting bitten, then I put my hands back up to try to break him off my face and then he bit me on the arm so he's like a fucking wild animal and now there's no herb dean can't save you now like yeah holds or nothing nothing's gonna come in nothing can stop me i can do whatever i want he said quote i'm looking up at the ceiling thinking to myself i'm going to die in christy's bathroom that's not how i'm going out. So apparently he kind of broke free for a second while there was, I don't know if War Machine was taking a breath or what.

He's able to break free, but only to be held in a third chokehold and held down. And it's at that point that War Machine started asking him questions while he was choking him. Didn't ask him anything. He beat him for 10 minutes before asking a question. Now let's talk. Maybe start with this. And if you don't like him anything. He beat him for 10 minutes before asking a question. Now let's talk. Maybe start with this. And if you don't like the answers, then choke him in a bathroom.

You don't even know who he is. He could be her gay friend from college. It's like, what are you doing? Oh! Oh, stop! Oh, my God! What the fuck are you doing? You don't know who this guy is.

Honestly. This is wild stuff, man. You know? And I'm trying to justify to justify this is my brother's boyfriend stop i'm trying to justify the man like uh if if i'm dating a woman and she says my ex boyfriend's an mma star i think how far removed are you how far removed how pissed would he be what state does he live in right how many years is he in prison right am i ever gonna cross his path ever because he's gonna want to kill me yeah he's a lunatic especially if he if you guys are

yeah still together do you not get what a fight is do you not have you ever seen one do you know what that is it ends in choking most of the time you don't get hurt yeah so the questions he's asking him are pretty simple ones like i said that he could have asked him from a standing position that would have probably been a lot easier uh quote who are you yeah let's start with that we don't even know he doesn't know who he is second question want to take a guess uh did you fuck her no who are you yeah what's your name what are you doing here very simple basics the basics jimmy who are you what are you doing? Seems like he could have got a much easier answer from a standing position. Well, apparently fighting you now.

How's he supposed to answer while you're choking him is the other thing. Then he said, this is my girl, is what he told him. That's what War Machine was telling him. Well, who are you? What are you doing here? This is my girl. Then, apparently, while he's choking thomas war machine starts yelling to christy in the other room and he's saying this is thomas's quote quote he was saying tell him you

love me tell him you asked me to marry you and she did so war machine is telling her to make sure to tell this guy that she loves me not you that i'm choking i love him he asked me to marry him yeah to cory right so cory just so you know and he's like okay all right i can't breathe i'll be a flower guy at this point i don't care you need a groomsman can i be ring bearer yeah um he said thomas says quote uh she said yes you're right i asked you to marry me you're right i told you i love you today and uh because also the weird thing is earlier in the day he she had sent him like sent christy had sent war machine topless pictures and she's like flirty texts and shit like that so they weren't in a fight and they weren't broken up yeah she was like hey here's my tits i love you and he was like cool yeah i love you too yeah and then they're hanging out terrific yeah so uh apparently so uh um not for nothing but i've seen them but yeah you have

um so thomas describes christy's demeanor uh she he says quote my face is covered in dripping blood all over the side of the bed so i could look up and see a little bit of her i've never heard her voice that way before she was scared scared, very scared to death. Well, no shit. Yeah, Jesus Christ. He beat him bloody? Oh, he beat him for 10 minutes. Oh my God.

And he knows how to beat people. So if he beats you for 10 minutes, it's going to be pretty fucking good beating for 10 minutes. So then Thomas said that, oh, I had nothing to lose, so I started asking him questions. He said, quote, what do you want from me?

Again, these are all real basic questions that are much more easily answered if no one's in a chokehold, right? Or with your blood on the inside of your body. Yeah, all on the inside, all in your arteries and veins where it belongs. So he says, what do you want from me? Do you want to kill me or do you want to walk me out of this room? He's basically like, do you want to toss me out or kill me? What are you going to do here? kill me or do you want to walk me out of this room right it's basically like you want to toss me out or kill me what are you going to do here so uh old school would have been a very different

movie if owen wilson reacted like this by the way very different or luke wilson sorry luke wilson reacted like this imagine how different of a movie that would be it would just be like vince vaughn and will ferrell visiting him in prison. He just like beat a man and a woman who had ties. He walked in and he just like pulled the guy started choking him out in the bathroom beating him fucking bloody for 10 minutes. Tell him you love me. Tell this motherfucker you asked me to marry

you motherfucker tell her. What is happening? And then the wife and then goes downstairs and drags what's the dude's name that wrote it? What's the director's name? Todd Phillips. Yeah. Drags Todd Phillips off the doorstep

and beats the living piss out of him, too. Beats his ass, yeah. The gangbang, you're here for that? Ah, Christ. So there's a 911 call somewhere in here where she calls 911. She's heard screaming and begging him to stop beating Thomas.

That's what's heard on the thing. Oh, the 911 call? Yeah. It was like an open... She just called 911 and went about her business heard screaming and begging him to stop beating thomas that's what's heard on the thing yeah she just it was like an open yeah she just like called 9-1-1 and went about her business but left the phone open so they could hear what's going on um so yeah she uh she called and apparently the there was a lost connection i don't know if she hung up or what the operator called back but she ignored the call so uh she then testified after that she'll say later on that she deleted her original 911 call from the phone history so he wouldn't see it in case he came and took her phone

smart turns out to be very smart because she says quote because i knew john was coming after me next um so uh war machine tells thomas to never to not contact the police about this uh when he leaves or he will quote send hell's angels and navy seals friends out to find and kill you uh if you say anything he's gonna say i'm gonna send my hell's angels and navy seal seal friends i don't know if they're the same people how do you have the two very different what a great guy those are great people to have and you have your back i suppose i don't know how he gets both groups. How do you know those? Like, if some guy that runs a lifestyle where he knows Hell's Angels, you rarely know Navy SEALs also. Yeah.

They don't run in the same circles. If you're a Navy SEAL Hell's Angel, though. That's a bad man. That's a bad motherfucker right there. And also, maybe the mediator between the two groups. That's true. That's true. So, shit.

So, that's a good point. So, I guess, at that point point war machine let go of thomas thomas grabbed his shit and fucking got out of there before he changes his mind and starts decides to start beating you again i'd leave whatever i had there and go if i'm this guy so scary um yeah he said that he took off and then thomas says quote it never crossed my mind that he would hit her or beat her or do things to her um well let's see here um thomas ends up with a broken nose dislocated shoulder scrapes bruises bite marks all that sort of shit um you know he just got the living shit beaten out of him so thomas

leaves the residence and that's that uh now war machine turns his attention to christy uh this is fucking brutal um he kicks and punches and beats her pretty pretty horribly here uh he told her to get her takes her clothes off and tells her to get into the shower okay um at that point we're gonna get to she says quote i don't remember the first hits i just remember being in the shower and he was screaming at me and i could taste my own blood oh no that's the most terrifying statement i've ever heard in my fucking life and he's punching her in the shower when he feels like it oh boy this is this is one of the worst thing other than buck zoom off or you know the hardcore rapists or things like that this is as bad as it gets this is he is oj level

this motherfucker and i'm not even kidding worse This might be worse, man. No, this is worse. Yeah, yeah. Wait till you hear this. I mean, apart from like a serial rapist, because they don't know that person. This is like somebody you're supposed to trust. Buck Zoomhoff repeatedly raped his daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She knows him. Yeah, yeah. He's the worst. He's still the worst.

You can't get worse than that. You can cut five people's heads off. Anthony Smith killed people. Even the fucking I-5 killer didn't rape his own daughter repeatedly. That's just worse. I'm sorry. You just can't beat that. It's unbeatable, really.

It's a trump card every time. They actually, somebody, they were just talking about a wrestler recently in the news and mentioned that, oh, it was Triple H because he had the longest, or he celebrated 25 years with the W.O. and they said that his first wrestling match was against Buck Zumhoff and then they just went to the next story he's like whoa whoa what happened to that guy yeah slow down hit the brakes we went over that too in the Buck Zumhoff episode I remember saying that it was Triple H's first match in WWE hilarious beat the crap out of him uh I think he also lost to Undertaker pretty early on, too. I think so, too.

So, anyway, she says that she ended up on the bathroom floor naked and with him going through her cell phone now while she's bleeding and naked and cold. Oh, well, he's now, while she's on the floor naked and recovering from being beaten, he's looking through her phone to see who she's following on Instagram and Twitter and unfollowing them. Oh, my God. Okay. She says, quote, he would hit me if he found something he didn't like. So he's just standing there with her being like, who's this? And then hitting her.

Well, what's this? And then hitting her over it. He said, quote, they can't help you at that point. She said he threw a dog's blanket over her at that point for some reason. Then he got one of basically her letter opener, which is a dull steak knife. She uses it to open packages. He went and got that. Okay.

She said, quote, he cut up all my wigs with it he sawed off my hair he cut off her hair with a dull steak knife off her own head off her fucking head wow that's i don't even know i don't even know the psychology behind that anybody out there in the mental health game it's obvious this is control and all that but wow there's more to this that i don't even that's deep uh he had the knife in my ear and he was screaming at me he just kept pushing it deeper and deeper and deeper this is fucking terrifying um wow um eventually the knife broke that's how he broke the blade pushing it on her that's how hard he was pushing on her but he continued she said to use it on her to cut

her hand and cut her head with it to a broken dull steak knife at one point she tried to get up and leave but he kicked her um yeah so then um he kicked her uh he was kicking her uh in the ribs and all this shit by the way when she was on all fours on the ground he was kicking her in the ribs she'll break 18 ribs in this scenario god then this is even worse um okay buckle up everybody i skipped 30 seconds ahead if you don't like bad stuff quote he licked his hand and wiped it on my vagina he said this is my pussy i'm going to take it back now he looked at me and he was so upset because he said he couldn't get hard he was so mad about it but he didn't have sex with me oh boy so he was trying to rape her but couldn't um yeah oh boy uh yeah that's

this is the most i don't even know uh at one point uh she recalled him standing over her and saying this is it i've got to kill you now so um wow uh apparently at that point she um he went to the kitchen to get another knife so she uh um she he got up took her phone with him uh went to the kitchen she heard the drawers rattling she says quote i thought he was getting another knife i thought he was going to come and kill me because the other knife had broken so at that point naked and bloody she jumped off her balcony wow jumped two fences and knocked on a neighbor neighbor's door unbelievable and uh which is amazingly that's amazing that's hero stuff i mean wow talk about you know self instinct of self-preservation and um that's real so you have bravery to not just

lay there and take it and you know wait for death uh one of her neighbor called police and she hid behind uh like hid behind the neighbor's couch because she was so scared he was going to find follower there unbelievable um she's taken to the hospital um after being you know just horribly horribly beaten uh let's see here she has broken teeth teeth, fractured ribs, a ruptured liver. If that's it. Oh, a blowout fracture of her orbital socket of her left eye. There are two missing teeth and broken fractures throughout her face. Basically, her whole body is broken.

He fucking broke her into a million pieces. Beat her internally, externally. Just beat her fists and feet. Yeah. Fist feet choking her fucking just with a knife. Right. But the knife, he didn't stab her. You know what I mean?

He just literally pummeled her body. Yeah. Until it's mush. It's fucking disgusting. Unbelievable. Yeah, it is. Wow. It's absolutely disturbing here.

Yeah, it is. Wow. It's absolutely disturbing here. The police report said he walked into the room wearing. Let's see here. Dark gray cargo shorts and a white shirt reading alpha male alpha male shirt clothing company. So he's wearing his alpha male shirt while he's doing this, which is great advertisement there for your fucking shit brand. You asshole. Yeah, this is wild so um he wow uh this is going to be a shitload of charges obviously as we'll talk about

um there uh now he disappears after this he takes off disappears he ran away he heard the cops were coming and took off once he saw she was gone he was fucking gone several hours later the dryer guy who we've talked about he said he got a text message for more machine yeah and uh more machine was on the run yeah it's gym buddy he says dryer says quote i see the message and i'm like what's the matter he said i'm in big trouble so then i asked what did you do you screwed up like you hit a girl you hit somebody i actually said actually said that. Never got an answer. He never wrote back. No, he's like, oh, shit, this guy knows me too well. Yeah. He said that, yeah, he ran into this dryer guy, talked to a friend of his later, and

he says, quote, my friend tells me that War Machine called the gym and started describing that there was blood all over the place. It was a nightmare. I got hurt. They hurt me. I hurt them. That's the way he was describing it to someone in they hurt me i hurt them that's the way that's the way he was describing it to someone in a gym like he got in this big fight like he didn't go around

calculatedly kicking the shit out of people um that day bellator fires him uh citing a zero tolerance uh policy for domestic violence and um wow um and at this point this is all over twitter i remember this oh yeah well we're gonna see all over twitter people tweeting if you see this son of a bitch and he's tweeting too really oh yeah he's tweeting um later on two days later war machine calls the dryer guy from a different phone number and uh he said that war machine seemed angry he said quote i call him up on the phone and we have the conversation like the last supper i was trying i was asking him different questions he was telling me different things what do you want to do uh he said he asked war machine and war machine said quote my lawyer said

wait until she makes a statement about the case i said what are you talking about you're not going to win this man i don't give a shit what happens you ain't gonna win this like you're done uh so august 9th he starts tweeting while he's wanted uh let's see here uh quote he tweets at christy mack he actually has the balls to add her and he tweets quote i love you and hope you're okay i came home early to surprise you and help you set up for your convention i can't believe what i found and i can't believe what happened all i wanted was to surprise you and help you do something nice now this and this is over several tweets here he says christy mack i'm so heartbroken in all ways i will always love you then he says again at christy mack i just wanted to see your face when i surprised you with the ring this is a nightmare you're in my thoughts in my you're in my thoughts what then he says the next one i'm not

a bad guy i want to surprise my girlfriend help her set up the show, and give her an engagement ring, and ended up fighting for my life against a non-fighter and a porn star. Against a, right. Then he says, the cops will never give me fair play, never believe me. Still deciding what to do, but at the end of the day, it's just all heartbreaking. You don't really have a choice of what to do. And rib-breaking. You can blow your fucking brains out, or you can go to jail.

Those are your options. I only wish that man hadn't been there and that Christy and I would be happily engaged. I don't know why I'm so cursed. One day the truth will come out. I don't know why I'm so cursed. So Christy releases a statement in response to all this that says, I'll be releasing my statement in the morning to put many rumors to rest. And she does. Let's let Christy talk here.

Christy's statement. This is her description. Quote, at about 2 a.m. Friday morning, John Coppenhaver arrived unannounced to my home in Las Vegas, Nevada after he broke up with me in May. He moved out of my house and back to San Diego. When he arrived, he found myself and one other fully

clothed and unarmed in the house. Without a single word spoken, he began beating my friend. Once he was finished, he sent my friend away and turned his attention to me. He made me undress and shower in front of him, then dragged me out and beat my face. I have no recollection of how many times I was hit. I just know my injuries that resulted from being beaten. My injuries include 18 broken bones around my eyes. My nose is broken in two places. I'm missing

teeth and several more are broken. I'm unable to chew or see out of my left eye. My speech is slurred from the swelling and lack of teeth. I have a fractured rib and severely ruptured liver from a kick to my side. My leg is so badly injured that I have not been able to walk on my own. I also

attained several lesions from a knife that he got in my kitchen. He pushed the knife into me in some areas around my hand ear and head he also sawed much of my hair off uh off of the handle and and continued to threaten me with the blade i believed i was going to die he has beaten me many times before but never this badly he took my phone and canceled all my plans for the following week. Cancel all my plans for a week. To make sure that no one would worry

about my whereabouts. Yep. That's what a killer does. He was going to murder her. That's what a murderer does. That's exactly what a murderer does. He told me he was going to rate me but was disappointed in himself

when he could not get hard. After another hit or two, he left me on the floor bleeding and shaking, holding my side from the pain in my rib. He left the room and went to the kitchen where I could hear him rattling through drawers. Assuming he was finding a sharper, more stable knife to end my life, I ran out the back door, shutting it behind me so the dogs didn't run inside to top him off.

I hopped the fence to the golf course behind my house and ran through the neighborhood knocking on doors. Finally, one answered, I was brought to the hospital and treated for my injuries and then she thanks everybody for um you know for for being supportive she said after many months of fear and pressure to keep this man happy although i fear for my life i feel that i can no longer put myself in the situation that cheating by him nearly every day and almost weekly abuse is now more than i can stand there's a ten thousand dollar reward for his capture so uh all of that is super unbelievable but i did not know that porn was so lucrative you could live on a golf course right right behind a golf course not bad good for her she also releases photos of the injuries on social media that's when the world went yeah that shit her face looked oh boy horrible her her eyes were all... There was blood in them.

It looked like she went through a windshield. Yeah. That's what it looked like. There was no white. Yeah. It looked like she got in a head-on collision going 60 and went through a fucking windshield and went straight. She got fucked up.

August 11, 2014. He's still on the run. Yeah. He's a wanted man. Dog the Bounty Hunter is at the Undisputed Gym in San Diego looking for him. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Dog the B San Diego looking for him? Jesus Christ. Yeah, Dog the bounty hunter looking for you. That's kind of cool.

And Dog was also tweeting at him to fuck with him, too. So that's fucking funny. So a few days later here, he is at the Extended Stay America Hotel in Simi Valley on Stern Street in Simi Valley, California. Sounds gross. Hotel guest named Mary here said she called police to the hotel after seeing a, quote, big dude yelling at and pushing a petite woman who was trying to calm him down. He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her, so she called the cops. Guess who that might be?

Who? Well, that's him. Who is she? Well, she's some woman named Nicole Blankenship. Some chick he was hanging out with. She says about this, the cops then go to the room. And this is her description of what went down. Quote, they were like banging on the door trying to get it open.

And they're like, open the door, open the door. Finally, when they got it open, they yelled gun. And then all of a sudden you see them shoot him with a taser. And he got shot with a taser and he went down to the floor and they handcuffed him. Wow. So that was it. They take him into custody. This is, by the way, from the police report.

He is found with, quote, a small quantity of cash and some pizza. That's what he had in his possession, a small quantity of cash and some pizza. No gun. No gun. No, he had no gun. This guy doesn't fucking need a gun. He's a psychopath. He is a gun. He is a gun. They saw him and they were like, he's a gun. He and some pizza. No gun. No gun. No, he had no gun. This guy doesn't fucking need a gun. He's a psychopath. He is a gun.

He is a gun. They saw him and they were like, he's a gun. He's a gun. Shoot it. Neck tattoos. This is yet another example of how our joint, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The Nevada people were very excited about tracking him down there. They go to his home also to remove, go to his home in San Diego to remove two of his

exotic snakes and when they got there dog the bounty hunter was there hanging out waiting for him at his house and they're like yeah we just caught him idiot he's like oh damn it well i've been here so long i needed food i ate the snakes i ate the snakes that's it which is what do you expect so i mean they don't even know what to do with this guy what do you do put him in a hannibal lecter mask you fucking put him on the car on the hand cart and put him in there what do you say to him or nothing do you leave him in port him like a refrigerator for the rest of his life yes i think he goes in like silent dark rooms and that's it like that's what he's hannibal

i don't know what it is man he stuck him in jail though they did and um yeah he was in there but there's no i said there's nobody to talk no one's gonna fucking get through to this asshole that's the problem and they tried to they really did um especially one day he's in he was in there, but there's no, they said there's nobody to talk. No one's going to fucking get through to this asshole. That's the problem. And they tried to, they really did. Um, especially one day he's in, he's in a cell and he's waiting and, uh, here's a walking coming, but it's very slow. And he's like, what is this? Is this a ghost? What's happening?

Oh no. And he gets something to get me. He gets a little scared and the cell door opens and it's my grandma. Holy shit. She's very angry. And she says ma how is it you come to arrive ma what are you doing ma you son of a bitch i you get over here i hit you myself you son of a bitch no i'm i'm not afraid yeah of you cut you balls I cut you balls

I didn't take her knife I cut you balls I'm not taking my knife not for the apple I keep them purse why I keep for the apple not for the apple

not for ball either one either one but I want to I cut his balls no good right okay

I cut his balls thank you you close the door I cut balls I'll be back later okay that's it they say I can that's okay poof in a poof of you know Good, right? Okay. I cut his balls. Thank you. You closed the door. I cut balls. I'll be back later. Okay. That's it.

They say I can. That's okay. Poof. And a poof of, you know, homemade pasta and immigration papers. She is gone. And War Machine is scared of a woman for the first time in his life. Good. As you would have to.

Now, he is charged with 36 counts of shit. Let's get into the charges. Would you like to mean assault and battery domestic violence? Sorry, 34. Well, let's go over the list. Battery coercion, preventing or dissuading witness from or victim from reporting a crime. Another kind of battery. Another kind of commercial coercion, preventing or dissuading witness. First degree kidnapping.

Battery sustaining bodily harm, sexual assault twice. One for digital penetration, one for attempted sexual penetration, attempted sexual assault for attempted anal penetration, sexual assault for sexual penetration, burglary with the use of a weapon because he had a knife on him. First degree kidnapping with the use of a deadly weapon resulting in substantial bodily harm. Coercion sexually motivated, telling Christy Mac to shower battery resulting in a substantial bodily harm, which is punching her in the eyes. Battery resulting in substantial bodily harm constituting domestic violence, punching her in the nose. Battery resulting in substantial bodily harm, punching her in the mouth and teeth. Another charge. Battery, battery, battery, battery, battery, battery, battery, battery, battery, battery, battery. Sexual assault with the use of a weapon of a deadly weapon resulting in substantial bodily harm. Attempted murder with the use of a deadly weapon, beating her for two hours.

Wow. That went on for two hours, Jimmy. That wasn't 15 fucking minutes. That was a torture session. He was taking breaks and shit. Two hours, then grabbing a knife to kill her her using her phone to tell her friends that she wouldn't be able to reach her that sounds like attempted murder to me uh battery battery battery battery battery battery battery battery those are all on thomas and then persuading the witness on

thomas as well so 34 counts of some shit you don't want to be in they should be able to charge him with murder. Right? Eventually, he'll get there. He was going to do it. It's going to happen. He pleads not guilty to all 34 counts, which he's facing life in prison here.

October 14, 2014, he is found unresponsive in his cell. What? He tried to hang himself. Really? He's found at 9.30. An officer conducting a walkthrough found him. He noticed what appeared to be a torn piece of linen around his neck, and it was tied to the leg of his bunk. They removed him and cut the ligature off, and they said he basically came around after

a while, basically. He came back? Yeah. Oh, no. He has a statement about this, by the way. Yeah. He has a statement. He's the way yeah he has a statement he's mad at christy how dare she uh quote they want to charge me with battery and domestic violence fine do it but don't railroad me with bs fantasy charges like rape attempted murder kidnapping and

burglary i may it's making it impossible for justice i know i'm a good person with a huge heart and everyone who knows me knows that especially christy uh wow um then he said that her she's been pressured by her scumbag agent that's just to make her more famous to get money uh he also said that he um um this is this is a suicide note essentially he then says that uh concludes it by asking the recipients to, quote, remember me for my times of strength, and that noting that, quote, society has killed men. I was never meant to live in this era anyway.

Follow your dreams and think for yourselves. Yeah, he's a fucking douchebag. He lost to a rear naked choke from his sheets though, right? Apparently so, but he's fine. So then he tweets in 2015, and douchebag um he lost to a rear naked choke from his sheets though right apparently so but he's fine uh so then he tweets in 2015 i guess he got it out to someone who tweeted it he said quote where to begin it's sad to say um that i am 1000 times more embarrassed of what i'm about to tell you than i am of being accused of the crimes that landed me in jail it's a testament to how screwed up uh my way of thinking is,

as well as how screwed up our society has become. At first, I blame this whole situation on Christie and that guy. Then I blame my bad luck. Then I blame my bad karma. Then I blame myself. Then I blame steroids. Then I blame the programming job done to me by a subconscious mind, a product of the traumatic childhood and a poor choice of role models. One of them has to be the culprit. There must be some reason that, though I've always had the best of intentions, I keep landing myself in huge messes. You are a fucking asshole.

That's what it is. A lot of those. I mean, it's not all of them, obviously, but it's a lot of those that culminate in influencing you. But in the end, it comes down to your fucking decision. That's it. Little column A, little column B. Fuck off. And then you beat the shit out of your girl.

Oh, and then in a hearing, while this is all going on, Christy is on the stand in this hearing. It's a pretrial deal telling her story of the assault, and he's laughing at her in court. So the judge reprimands him for that and puts that in the back of his mind for when he does sentencing. Put it that way. I'll keep that nugget in my wallet. Thanks, asshole.

Now that I know you're a complete piece of shit you don't even have any remorse uh november 2015 in court um the prosecutor was describing his sexual assault charges during that war machine blew the prosecutor a kiss what yeah while he was described while she was describing his sexual assault charges, he blew her a kiss. Yeah. Imagine that. The judge goes, okay, let me write that one down. That's all going in the file, asshole. Times two?

Yep. February 2017 is the trial, and Thomas testifies that, you know, all this shit, basically, of everything we just said. Thomas testifies. Christie testifies. Tells everything. They see the photos. He's fucked.

There's no way he's getting out of this one. But there was another guy there. Right. Yeah. Okay. Great. So verdict is March 20th, 2017. And verdict comes back guilty of 29 of 36 counts oh wow it's not too shabby they dismissed

the attempted murder they got rid of a couple of the others but uh 29 of 36 counts that's deep that's that's yeah that's a lot of sentencing leeway in those put it that way now the sentencing christy's mom speaks out uh her name is uh aaron mack uh mckinney who which is christy mack's real name um she said that uh basically the the lawyers she was mad that the that his lawyers tried to manipulate the court by talking about his abusive upbringing and shit like that to give the life story of how you make a monster which is great but then you still have free will and decision making now she says this is the mother quote i grew up abused there's nothing more precious to me than my children i broke the cycle

for him to blame his parents you own that by and it hurt my baby and and he hurt my baby and he needs to spend the rest of his life in jail poor lady poor fucking lady now thomas i guess flew i don't think he flew from australia he flew hours to testify, said he flew 20 hours to testify. And he said that, quote, I wanted you to look in the I wanted you to look in the eye and let you know that there are victims in this crime is what he told the judge why he came. He said, I'm not asking you to do anything that you don't already know what to do is talking to the judge what i'm concerned with is how much time the defendant has wasted getting to this point and still to point that point out how it's everyone else's fault it isn't he tried to kill me let's get realistic he has the background and he's done it before he's wasted everyone's time i don't think the minimum should apply here fair enough christy gets up there and gets to say something uh which is good she says quote i've been punched

and kicked smothered and bitten raped and tortured i was met with this more times than i can count and i still cry every time i think about how it feels she said that uh she said quote i love john and i know in some way john loved me too i don't know if my life will feel complete in 20 or 12 or 30 years and neither do you but I do know that when he gets out he will kill me so she's like he's gonna come after me so you you know basically how long do you want me to live is how long you're gonna fucking put him away for and she's absolutely right she's 100 right so then war machine has a statement I the judge is also gonna have a say in this which is fun war, quote, I should have killed myself by now.

This is what he's saying in court. There's no reason right now that I shouldn't be in the dirt right now laying next to Aaron Hernandez. That's 100% true. Okay. I have no problem with that. Fucking kill yourself. Go ahead, dude. I would love that.

I would have no problem. He said that, quote, not a day goes by that I don't seriously regret some of the things that I did. I was a lost and empty person. I hated the way that I think. I hated my impulses. It caused me to hate myself. I hated myself way more than any of these people do. I would look at myself in the mirror and smash my face.

That's how much I hated myself. It was the only thing I could do to prevent myself from killing myself. I gave my life to God. There you go. A broken rule there. Found religion. For the first time in my entire life, it's brought me peace inside. It's helped me to remove my self-hate.

It's given me the ability to manage my depression and anxiety. I hated that this happened. I hate that I had to hurt the woman I loved. I hate that I had to ruin my career. But it's a blessing in my life. It's made me grow into a real man. No matter what happens in this case or in the future, I'm just glad that I finally woken up and seen the truth. And I really believe I'm going to be able to be a good role model for the rest of my life. A good role model. Whoa. Then he said, quote, and to top

it all off, something's not right with my head. Plain and simple. I've known that a long time and I've hated it. I've hated the way I think. I've hated my impulses half the time. I don't know why I do some of the things I do. And some of the things I do, I don't even feel like I did them until it's already done. Yes, that's called fucking brain damage. You moron. You've been hitting the head a ton and you take steroids.

If you mix those things together, you get insanity and you get half of our episodes and bad choices. You get the crime and sports podcast since 2017 truly it's fucking fascinating that uh he can say those things in public like out loud what he's basically what he basically just told that judge is i will kill her and then i will kill myself as soon as i get out of this pretty much right yeah because i don't really feel much about it. I'm going to say all these things that are nice to make you be lenient. Then when I get out, she's dead and I'll kill myself.

Maybe you too. All right. Who knows? Maybe you. Who knows? Depending on how long you make me wait to kill her. We'll see. So the judge says, this is a good you, sir, moment here.

Quote, I don't think you're a monster. I think you're a human being. There have to be consequences for what happened. And I have to look out for what happened and i have to look out for the well-being of the community as i consider the appropriate sentence i do think a substantial amount of time is warranted not only for punishment punishment's sake but for avoiding danger to the community you may fuck off life in prison yeah with the chance of parole after 36 years are served. This is his first chance at parole. 36.

36 from 2017. So that's 2053. Enjoy, asshole. Fine. Fuck off. He will be in his 70s. 70s, yeah. Fuck him.

Eat dicks. I don't fucking feel bad for him. I feel bad for her. I really do. She's the worst. I mean, I feel bad for him i feel bad for her i really do she's the worst i mean i feel bad for all these people jimmy but not nearly as i feel as bad as i feel for john coppenhaver clinical care manager at etna in wichita kansas you mean to tell me there's not a single war machine there it's weird i looked for one i couldn't find any strange i was like maybe

like one of the dutch countries up there you maybe one of the Dutch countries up there. One of the Nordic countries. Water machine. Yeah, water machine. John Kopenhaver, transportation, trucking, railroad professional, lives in Hawaii. Oh. At least it's somewhere nice. Transportation, trucking, and railroad on a bunch of little islands. I feel like you could expand a lot if you came here.

I think you found that one Hawaiian, James. Yeah, that's it. Remember that guy? Yeah, yeah. We're looking for him. There he is. There he is. Now, in prison here, he's in prison.

He's got some conflicting feelings. He says, quote, he says, quote, what I did was bad enough. It'll send me to prison for long enough. Why must they punish me for stuff I didn't do on top of all? That's justice? I'm only going to be found guilty of the stuff I really did. The stuff that I would confess and sign a deal right now. I raping my porn star girlfriend raping in quotes raping my porn star girlfriend during our relationship and she never reported it still wanted to marry me and only made

accusations after i beat her and her lover but you just did you just hear what you just said if that doesn't have if that doesn't have r-e-v-e-n-g-e written all over it he's got them spaced out with hyphens then i don't know what does uh juries are that stupid guys uh he says that but then he claimed when he's in prison that he had nothing but joy inside nothing but joy he said joy over guilt over the charges because he found religion now yeah he said now everything's fine. I'm good now. I found Jesus.

So he ran away home. So he went home, broken rule, and then he found religion again, broken rule. He's doing badly here. He says, one day when enough time has passed and when your wounds are finally healed, this is, by the way, he wrote on Twitter, one day when time has passed and when your wounds are fully healed, I hope that one day I hope that you will write me or perhaps even visit me so that I can apologize completely and so that I can tell you about all that I have found in regard to God. Christy, I beg you do not. Fuck no.

Don't do it. Yeah. He says, quote, right now, if this is the Brad Dreyer guy again, he says, right now, if we went to prison, you would see the real John Kopenhaver. He says, the John that talks about Jesus Christ and the John that's compassionate and concerned about people, it's not because he was reformed in prison. It's because he was on all that shit. He was on antidepressants and he was on steroids. That's a lot of the conversation.

I'm sure he changed into a slightly different person now, is what Christy said when they asked him. She goes, yeah, I'm sure he's a different guy now he's been in fucking prison he's got to be different um now 2017 uh in april christy says she's going to devote her time instead of doing porn she's going to devote her time to advocating for survivors of domestic abuse and return to stripping yeah i'm not kidding i know that's part of the sentence and return to adult dancing. She also says she plans to get a new tattoo to cover up the tattoo on her back that says property of war machine.

Oh my God. She did that? Stop getting tattoos of people. Right. You know when you can get a tattoo and you're both 80 and you've been together for 60 years? Let's get a tattoo because I'm pretty sure this is going to work out. Otherwise, stop doing it. It's going to hang on forever.

For fuck's sake. Jesus Christ. I have seen pictures of her, too, and I feel so bad for her because she had to have so much reconstruction. It's fucking terrible, man. She doesn't even look like the same person anymore. No, she couldn't. She got a beat and her eye socket was destroyed. Her face was so fucked up.

It's fucking terrible, man. Unbelievable. I feel bad. I feel so terrible for her. No shit. So July 20th, 2018, it comes out that War Machine's engaged in prison to a woman named Ashley Farrington. They became acquainted when she started writing to him in the Pen Pal program. Speaking of that, sign up for fucking Patreon.

Last week on Under the Small Town Murderer won the Dating Game All Violent Felon Edition, where Jimmy picks people but has no idea what they've done. They're all horrible people. Basically, is he going to pick the pedophile? Let's find out. It's awesome. So much fun. And avoid it, because this happens.

She's a 30-year-old woman who started writing him last summer, and it escalated to visits. And there's no conjugal visits allowed but he uh wow he popped the question anyway and uh he wrote her a poem here's his love poem want to hear a war machines love poem i do to the love of my life i feel pain inside the love we share brings me to tears i'm desperate to fully express it but there aren't adequate words nor will i live enough years for this is an eternal love when i feel i have always known even if only in my dreams or perhaps in the marrow of my bones were you once in me what did god do did he cut me open and make and make out of me a you

what is this fucking where the sidewalk ends now i feel like i feel like i'm this is like What is this fucking where the sidewalk ends now? I feel like I feel like this is like fucking Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout or whatever. This is off. Let's see. Is that the words? Is that why words fail to express and why I feel that for you? I must bleed. I want to be your hero for you.

I'd gladly die. You must know that my love is true indeed. Whoa, he went to bleed on that one and here we have the greatest mystery solved of why christ came to die words must have failed him too a man needs his love to know he's no lie and so he came and bled for you and me and cobin too we'll get to that words fail all true love that's why Ashley, I wish I could die for you. You will. You will.

Don't worry. Hang in there. They end up getting married. By the way, before they could get married, part of the process is the prison chaplain and warden have to sit down with the non-prisoner half of the couple and explain the case in extremely excruciating detail to them. Whatever, that's the law. So just in case they've been lying to you,

see this picture? This is going to be you if he ever gets out. But she didn't give a fuck. She's all on board. They're never going to be able to fuck because they're in prison, but check this out. There they are. What's wrong with that picture, Jimmy?

Oh, boy, hold on. Let me put glasses on. Put your glasses on. This is a picture of their wedding. It's in prison. What's wrong with that picture, Jimmy? Oh, boy. Hold on. Let me put glasses on. Put your glasses on. This is a picture of their wedding. It's in prison. What's wrong with that picture, Jimmy? Why does she have a child there?

Thank you. Where is it? What? What's that kid? Maybe seven, Jimmy? Six? He's in a fucking prison watching his mom marry a psychopath. A lunatic. Nice fucking game.

The kid is looking up at his ear going what is wrong with that what happened there is that off is that gonna happen to me when i get older so why is he there um yeah this is fucking insane um september 2018 he he gave an interview for some documentary and he said quote there's not a day that goes by that i don't regret that and hate it nobody hates me as much as i hate the man that I used to be. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize to Christy. I'm sorry, Christy. Yeah.

Fuck off. I kind of want to take one of my handsome friends and find that woman and write her letters and then steal her away from him. Yeah, right. Break up their wedding. You can't have her. She's adorable. That kid deserves better. deserves fucked up now christy has had the property of war machine tattoo covered on her back with a new one um she's kept her hair short since the attacks actually she's kept it short and wears wigs in an act of defiant and of defiance she said quote, he hated when I wore wigs.

So she's going to wear wigs because that pissed her off. Yeah. She's also become an advocate for domestic violence victims and advises those who reach out to her. She says, quote,

you know when you're in this kind of situation you feel very helpless. You feel you can't go anywhere. But I want to let them know that life does go on no matter what. If you choose to leave your abuser,

life will go on and you will be okay and you can make it. Good for her. Good for her good for you christy positive message can't get enough no you know what i can fuck this guy you don't want any of his shit if you can't get enough buy something from christy max she's got like t-shirts that help domestic violence victims buy a dildo yeah fuck that other idiot fuck him fuck him in the ear yeah i don't like this guy. With a knife. With a knife. That, my friends, is War Machine. Wowza. Jonathan Coppenhaver.

And wow, that's a story. That's one of the top requested episodes. People started requesting it in our first couple weeks of doing the show when he wasn't even sentenced yet. He wasn't even found guilty yet. So we had to wait for it to come to an end and then kind of give it some space to breathe so everyone on earth wasn't talking about it and here you go now you get war machine like a nice cabernet like an hey you gotta let it breathe you gotta swirl it in the glass we were swirling it in the glass this time we're swishing it around so that's what we're doing right there thank you guys so much for listening to that um what you can do if you help us out here if you like the show

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This is a weird show. We give you this show. It's a labor of love, this show. Yeah. This is not a moneymaker, this show. You make a little cash, but not much. Nothing to make a living off of. This show is a labor of love that we we they don't know how to sell this show

they've no networks ever figured out how to sell this show and we like our network now we're with mid-roll stitcher they're fine yeah but they still don't know how to sell it nobody does they all do the same thing they get on the phone with us and they go hey guys you got this show it's great show we love it it's really really funny uh so we got you some advertisers that are interested um here's dick pills right like no first of all we're not talking about dick pills is that stupid second of all uh audience is actually majority women not all women but it's like 60 women so fascinating they might not be interested in the dick pills they're like what do you mean it's a sports show though like not really it's sort of like this they're like so we got these dick pills we just told you this is what we go through constantly they don't understand

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That needs dick pills. A soft dick and one eye. This unicorn is amazing because it's a fucking unicorn. Well, those don't exist. But how do you sell it with a big gouged out ugly eye hole no one wants this fucking thing that's that's what we're looking at here that's what we have a fucking one-eyed unicorn so thank you for doing all the shit and the things that help us are reviews help a lot all that sort of shit tell your friends that helps a lot tell everybody this fucking show is funny you don't need to like sports

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said yeah i need this has been a lot of shit going beatings and all that i need to feel good cleanse the palate cleanse the palate a little sorbet here going through. Coffee beans. Hit me with the sorbet of the greatest people in the world, Jimmy. Punch me right in the forehead with these sons of bitches. Our producers. Hit me with them now. This week's executive producers are Gianna DeLuca, Joseph Wysentiak, Rick and Amanda fucking Radford.

That's who that is. Let's see here. Lizette Stafford, Carolyn, what did I do? Carolyn Davis, Gina Colon, Rick Adeo, Douglas Wilson, Aileen Laura Sell, Stein, Dylan Derringer, Kelly Mack, Felicity Stratton, Jesse, no, that's Josie McGregor, Allison with no last name, Gabby McGohy, Julie Kinsey. Happy birthday to Heather norton's son happy birthday she didn't give us his name so we get to name him is it dylan is it uh roger that's his

name happy birthday roger hey roger good job belinda reed uh mouse celeste petty john taylor cook jan uh wretch wretch brunner uh angela dun Eden Finelli, Jennifer Kielman, Blake Almond, I think that's right, Mandy Ronning, Ariel Conner, David Ettinger, Dustin Bush, Liam Ashton, Amanda Murphy, Carol Braun, Jordan Bennett, Tonya Volanek, Michelle Hayes, Paul Rouest, Melissa Turner, Elizabeth Goldstein, Sabrina Jones, Pamela Sloan, the original Pamela, Martha Kirkland, Connie and Sean Young, Kristen Henderson, Jessica Fernandez, and Emily Vasek. You guys, thank you so much. Other producers this week are Graham Wilson, Lisa Stanton, Aaron Cooper, I think.

Is that Cowder? Oh, my. This is going to be a long day. Lee Sims, Danielle Loveland, Thomas Smith, Kayla Dunphy, Janice Hill, Bridger Creed, CGB. Those are just letters, Jimmy. Lacey Norris, Lucy Stacy, James Marder, Brian Starr, Alex Lopez, Charmaine Varley, Jude Ellis, Eccles, Eccles, Tricia Ann Conley, Andrea Webster, Dustin Johnson, Ryan Sargent, Liz

Vasquez, Cheyenne Gibson, Jason Bonitata, and Anna Vogelsberger, Jackie Sukup, Martina Liwalanga, Reagan Schalkley, Rebecca Stanovich, Shan Hickey, I think. Joshua Hennick. Bradley Spencer. Elizabeth Britton. Chanel Mendiola. Jude Kendall. Laura Jackson. Trinity Develbis.

Brendan Ables. Hey, there he is. We know him. I know. Carl Kushner. Kushner. Russ Linderman. Kim Hodgkins.

Emery McGaha. Kira Lemming, Brooke Kale, Peyton Meadows, Andrea Calkins, Tracy Renninger, Lisa Jackson, Mitch Worthington, Aaron Gerber, James Esselstin, Susan Platt, Ashley Veal, Aaron Huff, Cheryl Hoard, Gary Howard, Leroy Walker, Heather Norton. There's Heather. Melissa Keller, I think I wrote. Nate Kohler, Susan Galti. Oh, boy. Gail?

Galti? I think it's Gail. Amanda Coleman, Brian Killian, Bill McClellan, Patrick Lord, Michael Hogue, Dennis O'Malley, Julie Maté, I think. All right. I don't know. I'll buy that. Julia Barnes, Amanda Knight, Alana Tabarez, Pamela Ornelas, Calla Collins, Brielle with

no last name, Christina Provencher. Provencher. Fucking hell. Ah, Christ. Chelsea. Does that show? Chelsea. After the first page, he starts to fall apart. I love it. The wheels coming. He's like, I'm going to do this great. Chelsea. Does that show Chelsea? First page, he starts to fall apart.

I love the wheels coming. He's like, I'm going to do this straight. I'm going to burn right. I'm going to get right through him. And then by the end of the first page, he's like, I bet. They're definitely wobbling. Chelsea Bowling. Jen would know last name.

Monica Cruz. Christy would know last name. Josiah would know last name. Canard. What is that? No, it's Ken. Ken. Ken.

Rob. 83. Charlea or Charlie. Enoch. Willamette. Canard, what is that? No, it's Canarob83. Charlea or Charlee Enoch. Willaminge. Come on. Willaminge. Willaminge, Witty. Hey, Minge.

Hey, Minge. Bring that Minge over. Jessica Gilkins. Michelle Hinton. Tatum Zichik. Emma Butler. Emily Blake. Devin Rowland, Brooke Dover. That's Ben's sister, obviously.

Fred with no last name, Chantel Hillsinger, Amanda Ferguson, MR Fibbs, not Mr. Melissa Kimble, Bree, what did I do? Renine? Renew. Renew? Renew. I think so aaron hudson crystal reed uh melanie flynn sarah davis christy morrison andy gutierrez jisoo kim jisoo kim cat eye or cat one i don't know what that was i i wrote that weird lance danger candace with no last name char Charles with no last name. Everett Hampton. Joanne H. Mark Langulis.

Kaylee Deal. Chrissy Cougis. Krista Gilson. Ellis Martin. Kristen Wilkins. Victoria Berry. Berix. Nope.

Annie B. with no last name. That's just a B. Amanda Arroyo. Julie Zaniboni. Jeffrey Ault. Georgina Johnson. Amy Eichard, Kel McDonald, Adam Campbell, NC, Megan with no last name, Mouse with no last name, Joey Malau, Danny, no, Dan Wenzel, Maya Creful, Creful, Crefield. Creful. Yep. Karen Hamrock, Amaria, no, Amira. Amaria. It is Amaria.

Oh, Maria Holloman. Lindsey Panna. What the? Pafana Steele. No. Probably not. Missy Hoover. Jennifer Lamb.

Autumn Chapman. Jennifer Lamb is so easy. Thank you, Jen. That's a nice one. Zinti Loveless. Diane with no last name. Christina Rittenhour. Joseph Lacrino.

No. Nick Castle. Brandon Shepard. Danny Parton. diane with no last name christina ridden our joseph uh lacrono no uh nick castle brandon shepherd danny parton elizabeth campbell mackie hempel uh scott bradford jordan selmer uh daniel perry jenny smith fisk riot mom oh that's easy riot mom hey uh abby temple noah Riot Mom. Hey. Abby Temple. Noah Davis. Aaron Rulker. Ah, shit. Jennifer, no, Georgia. Tuma. Kate Van Brussel. Sarah Center. Abby Temple.

I said that. Tish Wellis. Josie Pringle. No, Prince. That's what that is. John Douglas. Paige Winters. Dan, no, Dave Cohen.

Rachel Palouse. William Shelley. What did I do no shoe william shoe samantha bivins kelsey capraro uh meg haskell hasket no hasik watt um that's two last names megan mckinnon mckinnon mckibben uh alfred alfred jensen matthew richardson dan kaufman Fred Jensen, Matthew Richardson, Dan Kaufman, Chris Kennedy, Amanda Marie, Glenn with no last name, Erica Kalin, Chris Kennedy, Chris with no last name, Daphne June, Glenn with no last name. I said that. Baker, Jamie Grafton, Angela, Summerlott, Linda M., Nikki Boo Boo, Chrissy McDonald, Dina Landman, Morgan Schultz, Ryan Loffing, Jesse Rotz. Jesse Rotz? Yeah.

Last one was loafing and this one's rotting? Rotting and loafing. Jesus. Marina Buell, Kendall Lennon, Rotting and loafing. Jesus. Marina Buell. Yeah, Marina Buell. Kendall Lennon. Austin Cugendale. Shit. Claire Nelson.

Heather Aswal. Alwayze. Harrington. Veronica Manning. Cody with no last name. Jessica Hedalen. Probably not. Nicole Breyer.

Heather. Heather. Heather Briggs. Bonnie Hunt. Nicole and Ashley Thompson. Nikki Carr. Laura Burton, Raymond Smith, Edward Possible, Possible Sissel, Derek Kotlowski, Eric Simmons, Sophia with no last name, Aaron Simon, Adam Simon, Jesus, Stacy Judd. Allison Bennett. Alexander Michael Biesenford.

Brittany McDonald. Ashley Yervis. Rosca Piorator. No. Yikes. Rosca Prory. Duck Hunter. That's probably not real, right?

Duck Hunter? Probably not. Amy Paulson. I wish it was. Thomas Christo. Bridget A. Juliana Wolfe. Brittany Elvis. Melanie Darcy. I wish it was. Thomas Christo. Bridget A. Juliana Wolfe. Brittany Alvis.

Melanie Darcy. Kaylee Atwood. Katrina Leibowitz. Brett Stoker. Kendall. Kendall. Kendis. Cadence.

Zelenia. Virginia Stringfellow. Ake. No. Asick. Prick. What is that? Rollins is their last name.

Asickick. No. Allison Ray. Asikic? No. Allison Ray? Rye? Darwin Heron? Craig Rustin? Sarah Acosta? Dustin Howlett? Mark Rebel?

William Rice? Ryan Kane? Kim Wilkening? Cheryl Malone? Alyssa Taylor? Jessica Fior, Will Taffet, Caitlin Blythe, Amy Ikenger, Nancy Baca, Tim Waller, Tony with no last name, Michael Dickinson, Sarah Slusher of the Slush Puppy Fortune, Seda with no last name. Sean Daly. Krista Furr. Habesha. Courtney Pearson. Kim Payton.

Cam Payton. Whitney Robinson. Matt Reyes. Susan Anderson. Melissa Tremont. Marla with no last name. Richard Bissette. Jenny McCully.

Erica Kimberly. Caitlin Hallstrom. Connor Watson. Sarah Sparks. Bailey Cohen. Kelly Ruan. Heather Duffy. Quentin Rowland, Sean Condon, Rose Jarman, Alex St. Vincent, Lily Bensley, Sarah Smith, Ciara Holmey, Shari Heiler, Justin Wiersma, Tammy Jurak, Devinva deep breath emma delong matt coke cock jack with no last name kate brown sean with no last name kelly no kathleen khali her to page four it's matt cock

he doesn't even care anymore carolina nunez pacheco uh mandingo Milker? What is that? What the fuck? No way. That's the best name so far. Mandingo Milker. That's what I wrote. That's amazing. Unbelievable. Is that really what somebody... Merck. M-E-R-K.

That's much better. That doesn't say... Mandingo Milker. I'm a bad writer, but I made it awesome. Kathleen Kelleher, Mackenzie Johnson, Michael Keenan, Brent Tyler, Maggie Beck, Ellie with no last name, Angela Bazemore, Roxanne Cooper, Patrick Sparks, Kelly with no last name, Crystal Winfrey, Ashley Henderson, Jamie Ulrich, Jose Del Rio, Chelsea with no last name, Ronald Ross, Kate Lovell,

Del Rio. Chelsea with no last name. Ronald Ross. Kate Lovell. Pinnell with no last name. Sydney Dodson. Jaretta McDermott. No, Murdenovich.

How do you get both of those, Jimmy? Erica Hernandez. Ryan Milligan. Kyle with no last name. Emma Verm. Tyler Sloan. Drew Griffin. Cameron Preeby.

Prybe. Hannah Orme. Heather Duffy. Damian Cloder, Georgette King, Jennifer with no last name, Joseph Berg, Samantha Blythe, Mark Swim, Trevor Richards, Lauren Hoffman, Travis Wood, NC, Jessica McGunnigle, Alan with no last name, Emma Vierm, Erica Hernandez, virm erica hernandez tyler sloan drew griffin jenny uh joan wiper uh donald labu labu laboe uh dan uh dan montcom natalie hostoski uh caitlin granger brad cole brent wilcox he fucking you're damn right he will uh home stretch home stretch The last page. Brian Cotton, Vincent Wary, Ryan D is a bald-headed prick and loves to suck on ball sacks. Love Blair Bodner.

I mean, if he loves to suck on ball sacks, that's... I mean, we've got to talk about it. Are they bald ball sacks? I'm not sure. He is. Grace Gaglione, Will Mozingo, Sarah Pignotti, Matt Napolitano, Pat Stockdale, Joe DeSantes, Vincent Weary, I think I said that, Jessica Chadwick, Justin Girdes, Tanner Feltz, I don't know what he felt, Jody Fleming, Tyler Hickey, Anamala Maldonado, that's a fucking rough one.

Anamala Zanadu? That's it uh julia ritchie uh erica frazier kristin hoover uh autumn worcher uh sean dimmick don smith ks amelia with no last name ralph heil no fucking way joey with no last name little paper forest all right uh page Sunderland. Sonia Suter. Jake with no last name. Jen Lee. Jenna Lee. Stephanie Davidson. Sarah Bornman.

Piper V. Lindsey Fina. Jesse H. Romina B. Ramona B. Scott Frazier. Krista McCrow. McConnell.

McConnell. Tiffany Aday. Dan Pudlowski. Jesse H. Beth Story. Kyle Koenig, Molly Waltz, Joseph Tellegen, Scott Moorhead, Darnell Adams, Brian Gutween, Max Hutchison, Kyle with no last name, Jordan with no last name, Danielle with no last name, Chris with no last name, McRaeves, Paige Lewis, Julie Jones, Robert Furecht. That feels weird.

Aaron, Sam, Marshall, Kim, Flutterman, Douglas, McGound, Christina, Billy, Chad, Riley, Alex with no last name, Crystal, Kramer, and all of our goddamn Patreon donors. You're amazing. Thank you, everybody. Man, unbelievable. Thank you, guys, honestly, for getting it and doing wonderful. I mean, getting the show and then being so nice to us and treating us in a way that you really don't have to, but you do anyway. It's shocking.

It's amazing. Thank you guys so much. Jimmy, what if they wanted to thank you? How could they do that? You can find me at WismanSucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N, Sucks on Twitter and Instagram. And thank you guys for being around for the cooking show last week. It was, uh,

I'm not, uh, much for self promotion. So thank you guys for being there. Appreciate it. What about you? I am at Jimmy P is funny. You tweet Thor.

You, you post 6,700 times a day. Yeah, but it's all about all of you. Yeah. It's still self promotion. We're all self promoters. We're comedians. We have to, but he has a, he It's just a dumb thought. Yeah, it's still self-promotion. We're all self-promoters. We're comedians.

We have to. But he doesn't have a good ego. No. But he'll self-promote and say he sucks. That's a weird thing. Isn't this a stupid thought? Yeah. Anyway, I'm at Jimmy P.

It's funny. You can find me there or copy and paste my name from the show description. Do all of that. And keep coming back every week. Don't look for a fucking episode with a person you recognize. You don't have to do that every episode is funny we we make sure it's funny god damn it it's up till seven in the fucking morning making sure it's funny listen to the shit that said live ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me.

Leave her alone. Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him.

Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award-winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all-new season. It's streaming. You can say anything.

Judy Justice. Only on Freebie.