Crime in Sports - #210 - An Arrest-Free Celebration!! - The Freeness of Lenny Dykstra w/ special guest Lenny Dykstra

Episode Date: May 26, 2020

This week, we check in with a man who we have done two episodes on, but now we check in with the man himself, Lenny Dykstra!! We sit have a chat with Lenny about what he's been up to, since his last arrest, what he thinks about baseball in the age of Covid-19, and exactly what the hell he was thinking when he kept getting arrested! Lenny is honest, frank, and just an all around good time. Throughout the episode are voicemails to wish Lenny well, left by some ex-teammates, media personalities, and people you just wouldn't expect!! This is an all around good time!! Get arrested a whole bunch of times, get yourself not one, but two Crime In Sports episodes about you, then sit down, talk with us & have a good time with Lenny Dykstra!! Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!! Contact us on... twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder#  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Each week on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, strange, dark, and mysterious stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed.

My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I am Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us. We could not be more thrilled to be with you this week. We have something a little different for you coming up this week. A little fun. A little different. Normally, it's obviously, we've had the 209 episodes that are the same thing.

And it's, you know, we say an athlete and we give you a chronological, you know, description of their life and crimes and times and fuckery and all that stuff. Yeah. Good knickery, as we like to call it. Whereas today is a little bit different. Today, we are taking an alumni of crime and sports, a double alumni, as a matter of fact, twice. He's a double major. And we're taking him and we're gonna street felony we're gonna celebrate yeah we're gonna celebrate his path to freedom yeah today uh which we it's

lenny dykstra everybody it's lenny dykstra and we'll get into it in a second but uh yeah we're gonna celebrate he's been two years arrest free yeah and he's goddamn thrilled about it and he's proud of it and you know what he's chosen to celebrate it with us and we we couldn't think of a better way to do it we think that's wonderful see lenny's the type of guy we're comedians as comedians the number one thing that we don't like is when you don't have any self-awareness yeah that's when you suck when you take yourself too goddamn seriously exactly so this is what a comedian does normally if you do something stupid let's say in public most people look around make sure nobody saw it and then put it back in their mental bank and go i'll never tell anyone about

that ever ever whereas the comedian does that looks around to see if a bunch of people saw it hopefully and if not either way they go i gotta write that down and tell everybody that i just did that because i'm a moron i hope nobody saw it so that i can write it down and tell yeah so in case any of these people are there right exactly so that that's the difference between a comedian and a normal person and that's why we like lenny because lenny doesn't give a fuck no lenny sent us a ball that says i did all of that right so you know what i mean this is a type of personality we can embrace when they're on the when they're trying to do the right thing and be on the right path and that's like we always said about lenny lenny lenny did some dumb stuff and he's the first one to tell you that i'm sure as he'll be on in a minute we're gonna actually have

lenny on the show we'll ask here we're gonna talk about it with him and i i feel like he all i i don't feel like he was ever trying to screw people even though he did screw some some people. I feel like it was always like, okay, I can fix this. And things got out of control. Wait till this gets great. And then I'll pay it back and make him smile about it. It's the same confidence that allows you to have an O2 count and be like, I'm good. That you need in the majors. But in the business world, it can be great.

And it can also, if things go wrong, put you in jail. So that's the problem we'll talk about. And ruin your assistant. ruin ruin other things but we have to say though yeah we we we do enjoy lenny and lenny has embraced the show since we did the second episode on him when we first got the the initial tweet from lenny i saw lenny dykstra we were like uh-oh this could be bad they're like oh he's gonna be pissed at us and he's like this is great and we were like this oh, he's going to be pissed at us. And he's like, this is great. And we were like, this guy's awesome. Okay. This is good stuff. We can embrace this guy. And the fact that he was never arrested and charged and convicted of crimes against a woman.

He's not beating women. He's not molesting kids. He's not doing anything that's violent or anything like that. He's trying to do things in the world. And sometimes things go a little awry. That's all we're going to say. You know what I mean? He didn't buck Zoomhoff anybody. I like how that's a

verb now, by the way. Oh, he got buck Zoomhoffed. He got Zoomhoffed big time. Gross. He bucked him up bad. That is disgusting. Oh, he got bucked up, man. If you don't know that reference, listen to Buck Zoomhoff, Crime and Sports, because it's disgusting. And then take a bath after.

And then take a nice bath and tuck your kids in. But don't touch them. Never. Never. Hands behind your back when you kiss them on the forehead. Exactly. Forehead only. Please.

So we have embraced Lenny as well. And we've kind of taken him into the crime and sports family. Here in the crime and sports movement. He's on social media talking about the shows with the listeners. He's having a good time. And we wanted to have Lenny initially here. We were going to have him at one of our live

shows. And that's how we were going to do this. But since the live shows are so up in the air now, we decided to celebrate the two years. And I have to say up front, you're going to hear voicemails just strewn in throughout this thing. I'm going to pepper in a couple here and there as we're talking. Voicemails from teammates, athletes, media people, sports people, celebrities. Yeah, people who sang the Milli Vanilli hooks actually as a voice.

And it's amazing, too, by the way. All of these voicemails. We have to have to thank. First of all, we have to thank Sarah, who has just been on the phone all week talking to, you know, Doc Gooden and Kevin Mitchell. And she's had a weird week. Let's just say that she's been talking to everybody. And also Lenny's person there, Adam, who's been put Sarah in touch with people and they've been working together. But man, thank you, Sarah, for busting your ass this week and making this possible because I didn't talk to any of these people and said any of this shit.

So quickly, before we get on the phone with Lenny, just want to say your reviews. Thank you for your reviews over the last week. Get on their Apple podcast. That purple icon. Give us five stars. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you say nothing there uh also go to shut up and give me murder.com head over there for everything crime and sports and small town murder related we have all sorts of merch up and everything else there's tons of stuff live shows i mean buy tickets

they're there they're there buy the tickets we don't know when shows are happening but when they do happen if you have a ticket, it'll transfer. You're allowed to come in. You're allowed to come in. So, as you know, there's been some reschedules of some reschedules, and yeah, it's a nightmare. And I assure you, if you're frustrated by it, multiply it by 20. Multiply it by 20.

Yeah, make it also what you like to do and what you've tried to do for your whole entire career and how you make your living and take all that away. And then imagine that you live in the hottest city in America. And you can't get out of it. And in August, you're supposed to be in fucking New York City. Yeah, or Detroit even. Or Detroit. Somewhere other than here.

Somewhere where it's not 115. Yes, instead we're stuck here. We're stuck. So, yeah, as far as that goes. But you can get your tickets. You can. That's all you can do there. And check out Small Town Murder if you haven't yet.

I don't know what the hell you're thinking. Check out Small Town Murder on every Thursday, wherever you listen to podcasts. Check out PSA Hate This Movie every Friday, where we make fun of bad romantic comedies and skewer them. And check that out. So, that's every Friday. Listen to all that stuff do all that stuff and if you want to be a producer a hero of ours damn it you can do that very easily

and we'll talk about your you at the end of the show in glowing terms jimmy you'll mispronounce your name surely it'll be beautiful you can do that also and you'll get access to lots of bonus material telling me to type this yeah it's not gonna happen he's gonna scribble it it's much easier the way my system is my system and i'm not gonna happen he's gonna scribble it it's much easier the way my system is my system and i'm not gonna fuck with it because i'll ruin it you should just leave it the way it is you missed me well i don't want me to type yeah are you happy now yeah exactly i said beverly's name correct are you proud of me wow i didn't misspell it in my fucking chicken scratch handwriting so do that patreon this week we have a funny one this

week for crime and sports and you get access to crime and sports and small town murder bonus with the five dollar deal there i'm not gonna screw you this week it's gonna be on kind of i watched the dark side of the ring on dr d david schultz awesome who he's the wrestler who slapped john stossel the 2020 reporter just paintbrush him, which was the most hilarious thing in the world. So I watched that because the guy was trying to say wrestling was fake, and David Schultz is like, is this fake? How's that feel? That fake?

And he's smacking him. So it's funny because Stossel thought he was doing this big expose in 1985, which was ridiculous. So we're going to do a little history of the media saying wrestling is fake, basically. And like the history of people going, no, it's not.

Yes, it is. And we'll show that for 65 years before that, this was not an expose thing. And John Stossel was just picking his own ass and he deserved to get slapped. So that's basically the premise of it. And it's a, it's funny.

We're going to talk about some old timey newspaper shit. Good stuff. That's this week. And we have different stuff every week. That's patreon.com slash crimeandsports. And if you want to just make a one-time donation just to be a nice person, you can do that over at PayPal using our email address, crimeandsports at gmail.com. That said, I think it's time to get to the man of the hour. Great.

And let's talk to Lenny and see what Lenny's been up to and get a little background, see where he's going. Yeah. Hopefully not back to jail. That's what we're all going to hope for. Hopefully every day. Including Lenny. Right back home. Right back home, safe and doing well.

So we're going to get to that. Here it comes. Everybody. Lenny Dykstra. Me and Jimmy and Lenny Dykstra. What a fun time. Let's get to it. Hey, Lenny.

It's Kamal from the Jerky Boys, man. Calling to congratulate you on your achievement. And I'm really happy for you. And I hope you hang in there like the way you did on Dallas Strawberry's cock in the locker room. I'm just really glad that things are going good for you. You're a great clutch player. I'm glad I didn't invest any money with you because I'd be out on the street. But, no, you're doing good, Lenny.

All right, man. Get ready to chew on tobacco. Okay, I'll see you later. Hello, this is Kurt Schilling, and I'm calling to leave a message for my boy prisoner 48736942,

formerly known as Lenny Dykstra. It's Phil Lenny. You have to know, Lenny talks with the list, and anybody that knows it knows that. He used to call me Cy, C-Y, but when he would say it, it would sound like Cy. I'm golfing one day in California. We're playing the Dodgers, and we're at some country club in Beverly Hills,

and I'm playing, and Randy Johnson and I are playing, and I'm on the tee box, and I hear this from across, like, at the top of his lungs, I hear this, sigh, sigh! And I'm like, what the hell? I turn around, and Lenny's driving over a tee box in his golf cart at, like, this billion-dollar golf club, yelling as he drives up and pulls up to the tee box and says hello.

That was Lenny, a runaway golf cart. By far one of the smartest hitters I ever played with. Funny as hell. Another story. So in 1993, all right, we are in home, and Lenny's talking about the Elton John song, Philadelphia Freedom. at home and Lenny's talking about the Elton John song Philadelphia Freedom and Lenny

is trying to pass off that Elton John wrote that song about him despite the fact that the song was written like 20 years before Lenny ever made the big leagues. But he thought he could get you to believe it. Lenny probably the hardest of hardcore

gamblers I've ever played with. He sucked me into the veterans card game my first road trip. And I lost more money than I thought I was going to make on that one flight. And Lenny kept looking at me going, dude, it's not you, dude. It's not you. It's the card, bro. It's the card, bro. He'll turn.

But Lenny, congratulations on two years handcuffs free uh i know this is a this is a big a big day for you and uh i'm proud of you uh but i'm gonna be serious for a second just tell you that you know i love you to death and uh i'm glad to see you on the other side um, I don't know, productive, but you're doing something. And, you know, you always got a friend here, buddy. So anyway, happy second anniversary, cellmate Dykstra. And wish you all the best, brother. All right. We are here.

We have with us the man, the myth. And you know what? A goddamn pretty decent cat right here with us right now. Joining us, Lenny Dykstra, our first guest on the Crime and Sports Podcast ever. So thank you for joining us, Lenny. Well, didn't we have Dan on the... We had Dan on, but he's not an alumna. He's a comedian.

This is the first guy. Hey, man. It's an honor and a privilege to be a guest. Number one, I know. Like you said, you might have had one or I don't know. But so that being said, this is a I mean, it's a typical day in the life of Lenny. So who else celebrates two years of being a referee? That's and that's what we like about you, Lenny, is that you would take that and say, you know what?

It's been two years. Let's make a big deal out of this let's not pretend shit never happened and that's why we like you because as comedians we we said earlier yeah as comedians we like if something terrible happens to us we like to write it down and tell everybody where normally people hide the bad shit that happens to them that's why we like you you you have the spirit of a comedian where if something bad happens to you you're not one to go hide in the closet and pretend like it never happened. You're like, yup, it happened.

So we enjoy that about you. I know, right? I'm right here right now and I've always been that way. People either love me or hate me and again, same way when I play. When I lead off a game on the road, I would take a long, long time to get in that box.

Because remember, at that moment in time, I controlled the 50,000 people in the stands. I controlled everybody at that ballpark. They couldn't start the game until I got in the box. That was power. And that's, and much like comedy's there's a psychological thing that you're trying to do there well you know the comedian's trying to do it to an audience you're trying to do it to the pitcher so it's the same type of thing letting them know he's on your timeline you're the goddamn mc of that show exactly

they don't know they're not going to sit down until you say so and they're not going to sit down until you say so, and they're not going to stop ordering drinks until you say so. Exactly. That's some power to have as the first guy. Yeah. Now, it's been two years since the Uber thing, so you've had two years of reflection. How's it been going? What have you been up to in those two years? What have you been trying to do with yourself?

Yeah, yeah. So that's a good point. I mean, like, I've been, I'm not going to say that I've been some close calls in two years. I mean, I have had some, you know, put your hands behind your back, you know, but that's just part of life. And so, but again, what I've been doing is just going forward, meaning like before in my life, it was always about trying to score touchdowns. And now I'm okay with first downs. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, I just try to look back at what happened. There's a lot of things that I did that I'm not proud of. I'm the first one to admit that. But I deserve to get locked in a cage for a couple years. I mean, that'll come out later when people, because there's a lot more going on in the UCI. But the bottom line is, what I did, I did.

I had to adjust, and I got in. I read my first book there, you know how I write. Awesome. That's in the great tradition. I just read my first one last year, so it didn't take an arrest to do it, but I just did it also. Yeah, it took an arrest for me

to come dang on in that, too, though. I do like the dismount that you made from crime to, like, not necessarily even a life of crime, just making mistakes and such. the dismount that you make it you kind of you kind of went a little nuts there uh you ran to like you did howard stern's interviews which are fun and i've loved howard since i was a kid i grew up listening to him uh but howard always has to go the extreme too like

try to get something crazy out of you and then it took like uh your oral skills to make that that yeah that's what howard wanted out of it which is awesome that's what howard does he's so great well i feel like howard wanted you to be like the iron cheek of baseball basically like you're gonna come out and tell people you're gonna fuck them in the ass and make them humble and shit the thing about that is um you is when he wants to do an interview, he's the best. He's got to do it. He's got to tell the truth.

I love it. We did it off there. He will find out. By arriving. Directly. If you're not being honest with him, he'll pull that out and make you look like a fool.

He's got a whole staff. He does. A whole bunch of people sitting behind glass over there. They're like, he's not being really honest. We just Googled that fact. Yeah, that's tough.

Exactly. He'll find somebody for that too. Yeah. How you doing? This is TJ Dolan calling from Dolan's Bar in Delaware County, Pennsylvania, where Lenny Dykstra is not only one of our favorite patrons, he's also our fucking spirit animal. We love Nails!

And we're real proud of him for staying out of the clink for the last two years. My man, our spirit animal, Lenny Nails Dykstra. Batting number four, Lenny Dykstra. Swing, long drive, deep left center field. Could it be? Out of here. The dude with another two years out of the clink. Hey, Lenny.

This is Rabbi Shmuel Metzger calling on behalf of my congregation, the Chabad Sutton. Big mazel tov on the Herculean achievement. Huge victory. The two-year winning streak. As you know, the Torah is replete with characters who dropped the ball at one point in their life, but stayed in the game and never lost confidence. They just kept on playing.

As long as we have a heartbeat, we're in the game. Life is like a, and character is is like a baseball glove every day. We've got to work it in, work on ourselves, and it's a tremendous accomplishment, and we are so incredibly proud of you. Keep up the great work, because we need you on this side of the fence. Lenny, Robert Fick. What the fuck dude congratulations brother fucking two years clean well

two years not arrested let's not call it clean well maybe, who knows but anyways man congratulations on you know, acting like a little bitch now and not getting arrested and walking that straight line. And you must be trying to get back into MLB or something. I don't know.

But anyways, man, seriously, we miss you out here in California. And, you know, when you get back, when you get back into Cali, lose my number. Yeah, he's brutal, but I love him. He's an amazing human being. I love you too, though, man. You took your show.

I mean, like, everyone I talk to listens to your show now. And, like, it's awesome because of your angle. But it's serious, but it's not but it's it's serious but it's not serious and and that's what makes it so so cool you know because it's real life's up and and so like i mean i heard my name mentioned on there and like i said i haven't reached out to you guys yeah and we dig that a lot thanks for recognizing definitely thank you so much best to be as as entertaining as possible Yeah, and we dig that a lot. Yeah, so Jimmy's right there with you, man.

Thanks for recognizing me. Definitely. Thank you so much. We try our best to be as entertaining as possible, but we don't want to just be what everything else is, and we want to put what we are, too, and the amount of flaws that both of us have combined is... And we want to be fair to people, too.

We don't want to be shitheads or sensationalize anything. We don't want to be Ron Darling over here. That's what you get for a great show. We're trying not to be shitheads or sensationalize anything we don't want to be ron darling over here we're trying not to be ron darling it's hard to look down on people when you when you've got flaws yourself and then to uh to just throw people under the bus a la ron darling you you look like a fucking asshole and we don't i mean we're both assholes but we, but we're not here to hurt anybody. Yeah, that's the thing. That's what it is. Yeah, I mean, exactly. The thing about me is if I'm going to hurt somebody, I'm going to do it right in their face. Yeah, yeah.

That's why people who love me are hating me, because they can't want what I have. They just want to have the balls go after it, you know? Yeah. But you have to have the haters. If I don't have the haters, you know, like, I mean, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. But at the end of the day, it comes down to humility. I mean, that's really what it is.

And so, like, when you're making all this money and, you know, you're building a Greek statue. Tell me what that's like. Yeah, you know, like, I mean, and then you start running over people, and it becomes all about money, and that becomes the main source. And it was almost like the money god came down to me and said, listen, motherfucker, here you go. Take this. So, and again, like everything else, they took it way down. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it just isn't.

Once you're in the cooler, the next thing you set for an error is death way down. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it just isn't. Once you're in the core, the next step from there is death, right? Generally, yes. You stay long enough. The next step down is going places over from there is death.

Yeah. You know? Having that realization, Lenny, when you got out and you moved into having a normal life and figuring out how to just be day-to-day,

what have you done the last two years to keep yourself occupied? What do you do? There's got to be income of some sort. Are you doing personal appearances? Also, yeah, did you take your pension yet? I know of you. Yeah, yeah. So that's a great, great, great point.

I've done a lot of appearances and stuff, but I've done a lot of real estate transactions. Yeah. Be careful, Lenny. On a serious note, if you really look at my businesses and what I've done,

I was always successful. It wasn't until 2008 when the world ended that I got this big organization called the Federal Government Pissed Off. And it was kind of a wrong group to have a man in. That's actually true. For everybody out there who doesn't know. They told me I was getting indicted.

I was like, what's that? Remember, you're talking about getting paid 20 million taxes. Oh. And Mr. Gillespie, I remember, I'll never forget when I looked, and it said the United States of America versus Lenny's Extra. Yeesh. I was like, uh, really? Yeah.

That's a lot of people. So, yeah, that's a whole different world, another world I never knew. Are all 300 million of them pissed at me? What the fuck happened? That's an awfully big stadium to get food in. Jesus Christ, it's a road game. Right. I mean, that's the war I didn't want.

But what you do, though, is you either, you know, you can kind of take that line from Shawshank Redemption when he said, either get busy living or get busy dying. So instead of feeling sorry for myself and blaming everybody, I just thought about things and would read and know Benny Hahn. I thought about more things. And at the end of the day,

I'm a better person because of it. I'm not telling people to go to the corporate to become a better person because of it. I'm not telling people to go to the Corps for two years and become a better person. But sometimes you need to get some humility. But like I said, everything I do is like I'm either flying a private jet or I'm in the Corps. You know what I mean?

There's no middle for me. That's amazing. That's a terrifying life. It is. Hey, Lenny, a tank at Fox 29. Congratulations on two years out of jail, I guess. You know what, man? You've always been an energy guy.

Your whole life, you've been an effort dude. You did the things necessary to get thrown in jail. The last couple of years, you've been garbage. You haven't lifted a finger. You want to do the time? Get your dead rear end off the couch and do the crime. Were you trying to stay out of jail? Good job, Lenny. Congratulations. Hey, this is Josh Ennis from The Josh Ennis Show, where Lenny Dykstra is a regular. And by regular, I mean he's been on two times. We're out of Houston, where, Lenny tells you, it will be the best pussy town in baseball.

It's the place that he and Harry Callis shared a hot tub together with two naked, big-breasted women. But we love Lenny Dykstra. We're big fans. In fact, Lenny was on our show last week peddling some sort of coronavirus test, but I feel like you'd already have the vaccine. If you just inject yourself with Lenny's semen, I'm fairly certain you will never get any sort of virus, and that includes the coronavirus.

But I hope you guys are celebrating big tonight because Lenny hasn't been arrested for two years, and we're so excited. We hope that Lenny has his best teeth in or that he found just his normal teeth. And we love you, Lenny. And here's to two more years of not going to jail. Lenny, this is Ken Cage from Airplane Repo.

Living in Delco, outside of Philly, big Philly fan, love watching you play, and I'm just calling to wish you congratulations on two years without an arrest. You stole a lot of things here in Philly, but everything was legal here. I actually have to call and kind of leave you a little notification here. That golf stream that got repoed, I'm not saying I did repo it, but I'm not saying I didn't. But the next one, you're with me, brother. Let's go out and repo some planes. Congratulations.

Wishing you two more years of crime-free living. Talk soon. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Ding! The queen of the courtroom is back.

I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. Okay, so, um...

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Now, I have to ask, because for people who don't know, Lenny had a very successful kind of car wash empire there that he sold for a really good amount of money. That was a very successful endeavor. So from success from baseball through that, that's obviously a pretty good track record of success from the time of being a teenager so does that make it so when things start to go awry you think that

i'm gonna get myself out of this it's oh two and it's fine you know what i mean i'm gonna chip a couple off if he tries to get me on the outside corner and i'm gonna loop one over the second baseman's head is that what you're thinking uh going into the thinking going into the whole mess with real sports and all that? I feel like that's how it was. You were always thinking, I can get myself out of this, rather than I'm going to scam people. Is that accurate? I can go with his name. That's a great, that actually defines, and a lot of that comes from because of my success on the baseball field.

I never, I mean, when it comes to playing baseball and being successful at it, like Billy Bean said, he was my roommate, because I didn't let failure get in the way, or I always knew that I would get out of it or scratch out a hit or get a walk, do something. But this scenario was a lot different because, and I tried that too by the

way see most people when when you see it you know but never in a way things are closing there's no liquidity but most people have sat some away i went the other way i started flying on my jet more and i said fuck this man if i'm going down i'm going down in flames yeah like one of the funny stories is being my role is always being repossessed right to steps of my uh airplane you know dance with the devil you may as well lead lenny yeah yeah that was a classic but but um look i mean at the end of the know, like, life is supposed to be fun. You know, sometimes we forget that. Yeah.

And, I mean, and we also have some people like me that take fun to a new level. And that can be kind of problematic. Sure. So, like, when I travel on the road, I would have to always take two people because they have to take shifts. One would have to rest up. To watch you? They can't keep up with their nails, man.

You're like baseball Ric Flair like that. They'd send watchers after you. Make sure he gets out of the bar by four. Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, I remember the bar. I went in my scene in the bar. I got a little smarter there.

The bar scene was too loud. like too loud, you know, you can't talk to other people, you can't hear music stream. So I just had my, you know, my boys just bring the bar to my presidential suite. That's a better idea.

Even though Miss Williams would delay a lot of the games or a lot of the entertainment after, but eventually we'd get there. And it's all about the maturity, see. And that's all. Like, maturity. I said, hang on, Bart.

I just made it real simple. I never saved a team hotel with the Phillies the whole time I was there. You keep it private? Yeah. Wow. You keep it private. Is there? I mean, obviously, athletes have a lot of shit. You don't want the traveling secretary up seeing what the fuck you're doing.

That's not his business. Obviously, there's tons and tons of sex that's happening with traveling athletes, especially back then, too, during the 80s and 90s. I feel like it was much more prevalent then because there wasn't the TMZ and there wasn't the hard coffee that was out in the streets. Do you have anything apart from the giant sausage that Strawberry packs? Do you have any sort of like a banana story that you haven't told anybody else? Anything? Oh, yeah. I mean, there's a lot of those.

You only knew. I mean, you had a whole like five you know. I mean, she's like, you just, you had a whole, like, five hours on an investment and it's all true. But, yeah, by the way,

strawberry, it is a hammer, dude. You said you needed therapy afterwards. No, therapy, two years of therapy.

But, I started getting traumatized again if I think about it. Lenny went into a slump. His confidence was off. On the circuit. So on the road, the way it was, it was on the road, you know,

we had one model wine place. Okay. Like, it was like, okay, we're going to their house. We're taking their money. We're fucking their way. Okay. And anybody brings their wife on the road, we're fighting. So you're talking to the other team, we're fighting.

But the problem is, the one city we had trouble, my boys had trouble lining up to town, was Pittsburgh. Because, you know, it's like a lot of coal miners' daughters there. We've been to Pittsburgh. The two of you all, folks. Pull them up to the University of Pitt, back them up, and say, everyone drinks and party, all Pull them up to the University of Pitt, back them up, and say, everyone drinks and party,

come to the suite. Next thing I know, Pittsburgh went from the worst town to the best town. Yeah, I'm going to the ballpark the next day, I'm walking over these pass-out people, and again, it was, you know, the best part was when I'd come back after the game,

and I'd get a couple of hits, and people would look at me like, you're the same guy? Like, there's got to be three of you, you know? Hi, my name is Jody Rocco. This is a message for Lenny. I just wanted to say congrats on not getting arrested in the past two years. Hopefully this will last, but if not, you gotta blame it on

something. Blame it on the Uber driver, he's a liar. Blame it on the stars you were kidnapped that night. Whatever you do, don't put the blame on you. Blame it on the rain.

Congratulations and stay out of trouble. Hey, this is Carter Page just calling to give a big shout out to Lenny. I've learned a lot from Nails about what exactly is the right philosophy to become a champion. And I see it in almost every conversation we have. And it largely all comes down to one thing, perseverance. Basically, in other words, the fact that you just need to keep on trying. Inevitably, when you get up to the plate, you're not going to hit a home run every time at bat. But with a lot of focus and dedication,

you'll almost certainly raise your batting average. And the same holds true for pretty much everyone in every profession, not just big league sports. But the defining characteristics of the exceptional amount of heart and energy that Lenny pours into the game helps explain how he's achieved so much over the years. It also explains some of the challenges he's faced, too. On a closely related note, one of the most interesting things about Lenny is that he's truly a competitor at heart, too. He doesn't like to lose.

The problems arise when you're up against other major league competitors with really big egos. They'll unsurprisingly try to bring you down. And I guess it's part of the reason how we ended up on James and Jimmy's podcast here. I'm not going to name some of the rivals that he's been up against in his career, but inevitably many of you know who I'm thinking of. I've had some similar battles involving the CIA and FBI during my years as an alleged Russian agent, so I understand his thrill of victory as well as some of the agonies of defeat, too. If there's one other thing I've come to learn about Lenny, it's the way that he talks straight and tells people exactly what's on his mind.

No sugar coating. Of course, that's sometimes gotten him in a bit of trouble as well. And it isn't always pretty. But going back to perseverance, more often than not, it all ends up terrific for him. Speaking of which, happy anniversary, Lenny. It's been great to get to know you, and I wish you all the best for many big accomplishments over the years to come. Hey, Nails. This is 12-year-old Natalie Rubin.

I'm a Philly fan from Mediadelco, Pennsylvania. Just want to say congrats on two years without getting arrested. We're all proud of you. Keep up the good work. Bye. But one great story that no one really knows about is, I don't know if you remember Roger King. Yeah.

He's dead now. Jeopardy. Yeah. Oprah. Yeah, he was a producer. He's a whale. Yeah, he's a producer. He's a whale.

But so, we'd have parties all the time in LA. I took this up. That's where I met Will Chamberlain, you know, and he's sitting there and his knee's almost up to my face and I say, listen, I don't care about all the women. I want to know how the fuck you scored 100 points in a fucking game. Yeah, it was cool. It was cool. But so,

so Roger King and our teammates were there too, you know. So we had a day game on Saturday. We had a day game in LA the next day.

And so, Roger King and his gender gambler and everything else. the game goes like to the campaign. I ended up getting the game winning hand. I get on the team bus and I get a call from Roger King.

You motherfucker. I said, bro, what happened? He says, you cost me 500 grand. How the fuck did you win that game? Far into five in the morning. He cost the man money. He thought he had you. He kept you up all night with booze women.

Unbelievable. He tried to Lawrence Taylor you, and it didn't work. That's like the old Lawrence Taylor story where he would send... Pictures of kamikazes and hookers to these rooms and get them super tired so that the next day he could beat him off the line. And he did it constantly. And look at his Hall of Fame numbers. That's amazing. That's why I think it's a world-wide thing.

I was never a hooker kind of. I never have been and never stripped. Do they have to give a girl a dime because it says I have to? Is a damn appallingly answer so like that wasn't my scene i'm more into the the the make no not all the makeup and not i don't like to take the both on that week'm not hearing Hollywood right now. Yeah. And every day I take the bolt on. You're a wine and dine romance guy. That's adorable. I love that.

Yeah, I like to, you know, like to no make-up, like cotton panties, you know what I mean? It's conservative. He likes the classics. Lenny's a classic man. Yeah, I'm a traditional guy. Like I tell my girls, don't tell me to pull your hair. Don't tell me to choke you.

Put your finger in your mask, I'll break it off, okay? Okay, here we go. That hard. Solid rules to live by. Look at you. He's a romancer, this guy. I like it. He wants consent, that's all.

He just wants it the right way. And no fingers in his ass. That also is what he's not looking for. Also consent. Yeah. Well done, Lenny. That'll keep you from getting me too'd, my friend. You're living the right path.

I like it. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah, I've changed that a little bit, though, now, you know, because, you know, I've always been kind of ahead of the curve, you know. You see, when you're a 5'9", and you're trying to, you know, be the best that you can be and the best players in the world... Oh, God, you're preaching my...

Yeah. Yeah, you're not talking about the best player in California or New York or Japan or Korea or Dominican Republic. So if you break camp and you're one of the nine starters, you're basically saying you're one of the nine best players in the world. And that's a pretty tall statement, but the thing that's kind of crazy, and James is doing it that people don't know, is that I played with so many players that had just as much talent as I did in the big leagues,

but they just couldn't get over the hump. You know what I mean? Or someone cock-blocked them. Because remember, not only do you have to get to the big leagues, you have to take someone's job. Yeah, yeah. Someone's been there before you.

Yeah, it's a big deal. And then you've got to stay next year when somebody else that's younger than you is trying to take your job. That's... Well, exactly. See, that's why I'm lucky. You know, I played when I did before. The original set was illegal because I couldn't have made it.

I mean, I'm not lying to you. I mean, baseball is a rigorous schedule. It's not the schedule of professional sports. It's 162 games, so basically six months. And then another month of spring training. Hey, Lenny, it's your old pal, Cousin Sal, calling in. How about that? Two years without an arrest. I'm not sure what's sadder, a man celebrating two years without an arrest,

or me leaving a voice message for a podcast roasting a man celebrating two years without an arrest. By the way, I love that you're counting the three months we were under quarantine and not allowed to leave our houses. Turns out, Lenny, the cops won't bother busting you for public urination when you're drunkenly pissing on the ramen noodles in your own pantry. I swear, the coronavirus is scared of getting infected by Lenny. It's actually a miracle Lenny doesn't have corona. The only real explanation at this point is that performing cunnilingus on rich elderly women is the cure to COVID-19.

But seriously, we're here roasting Lenny because he is a star. Speaking of a star, that's the same rating he received from the Uber driver who he tried to murder in 2018. For those of you unfamiliar, most people know Lenny Dykstra by his number 4 or also by his inmate number 29601. Lenny was called Nails because he wasn't flashy like other players. In fact, the only jewelry he ever wore was a court-mandated ankle bracelet. Lenny's such a famously bad negotiator, even his three-year prison sentence included a fourth-year option. And people think a few months ago he was rummaging through a dumpster searching for his dentures. The truth is, he was really just hiding from the police. Lenny Dykstra loved both Philadelphia

and doing drugs so much, he once tried to smoke the crack in the Liberty Bell. And Lenny, you know, he once led the league in walks. That's not surprising. What crackhead wouldn't want a free base? But you have to hand it to Lenny. He's paid his debt to society. Unless you count the hundreds of thousands of dollars he's ripped off fans, he's convinced to invest in his various house flipping schemes. Hey, quick question. What do Lenny's toes and his children have in common? He hasn't seen either in decades. I'm just kidding, Lenny. I saw a recent picture of you. You look great.

Your hydroxylchloroquine cocaine mixture is really paying off. Anyway, congratulations, Lenny. You've made the seamless transition from the big house to a degenerate fan's guest house. Two more years. Two more years. Two more years! Two more years! Two more years! Two more years! Yeah, hi, this is Dr. Howard Samuels

calling about Lenny Dykstra. I'm actually his therapist in Los Angeles. I cannot believe you have not been arrested for two years. I mean, who knew that you would be so free and not in prison? First of all, I am very impressed. Congratulations, Lenny. the time that you spent in prison in Los Angeles, to having the shit be out of you by the sheriff's deputies, to all the insanity that I can't even talk about legally.

All right. But I got to tell you, I love you to death. Keep up the good work and always remember it's progress, not perfection. Love you, Lenny. Bye. Hi, this is Johnny Jackhammer. I was just leaving my thing for Lenny. Bye. there. While I mentioned Stern, you know, I was pretty excited to see you, man. I said to myself, Jesus Christ, Blake Dyche should really let himself go.

Now, as much of a hero you were on the field, off the field, not so much, with various run-ins of the law and many other suspect activities. You've fallen on some tough times, brother, but you know what? You're still the best, baddest, pussy-eating motherfucker out there. Love you. Jack Allen.

Speaking of that, what do you guys think about this? Are you going to actually play a game with no people in the stands? I can't imagine. I don't know. I love baseball. It's my number one sport. I'm a baseball junkie from the time I was a little kid. Baseball from the outside I was a little kid. Baseball from

the outside is not the most exciting game to watch visually like on a television screen for someone who's not a huge fan if they're not looking at the intricacies of the game. So to take away You're right. Yeah, to take away the emotion not only of the fans, but this one proposal

says they're not allowed to high five or fist bump or anything. So it takes away all emotion. So so some guy's gonna hit a home run calmly walk around the bases and then have his teammate nod to him as he goes to the what the who the fuck wants to watch that and the the sound of the crowd roaring when that home run is hit or when that final out is caught or when whatever yeah whatever's at stake in that game, when what is at stake is won, there's celebration to be had. And when there's thousands upon thousands of people in unison enjoying that moment, that's what makes baseball baseball. When you delete that, baseball is a piece of shit.

You are on point. You know what? I love playing on the road. I mean, look, what got me off was silence in the crowd, okay? Hell yeah. That's what got me off, okay?

Like, I mean, at home with Philly, that was awesome. They're the best fans. But it was on the road, especially in fucking Atlanta, that Tom Hodge job. That racist horse shit.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I always, you know, so remember, I was a lead out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I always yell. So remember, I was a lead outfielder. So remember, there's one, there's about an eight-minute period where I literally control the whole stadium, the people on the field, the TV cameras, and everyone else because they can't start that game until I get in the box, right? Yeah. So I'd take it on the road.

I'd take long strolls and walk out there like I had a 15-inch clock, you know, and they'd be yelling. Strolling up like Daryl Strawberry. Yeah, because the Dallas Power, because they couldn't start until I got in the game, until I got in the box. It's true. And so, the catcher would say,

I said, how am I doing? What the fuck do you care? I don't care how you're doing. So, set the fuck up. Now, they're all playing video games together. But again, it's about money.

Money makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. And that's what it's all about. They're doing this all about money. Yeah. Well, to me, you always had a wrestler mentality as a ballplayer. Like I always said, if Lenny was bigger, he'd have made a great wrestler when he retired because you had this, you'd have been an amazing villain, I feel like. You understand the psychology

of a crowd and that sort of thing. So I always thought you would have made, you could have, you would have relished in making people boo and shit like that and you would have been good at it. So I always thought that. I'm glad to hear you say that. My blood grandfather and my blood uncle um are full-blown you know i'm full of my last name is leswick i'm adopted and so tony

leswick yeah one and he won three sandy caps in the nhl so yeah um they're all hockey players so a lot of people say i should have been a hockey player, but there's not a lot of ice in Hollywood. It's also the personality. Hockey embraces personality still. Baseball dilutes it because of A-Rod and Jeter's success of having no personality, really. In the game, there's no personality. Outside, there's some, but they keep it all on a a leash and keep that everybody wants to be agreeable now everybody wants to look like they're they're sponsorable hey look at me i'm easy to work with come out

of the chat adidas yeah yeah i prefer the personality everyone wants to be agreeable. And, like, I mean, again, it's like baseball, like when I played, it was like we're playing for real money here. This is real business. Like, if you don't prepare yourself, whatever you have to do, it's like everything else in life. You got to get the results, okay? I don't care if you go to sleep at 11 o'clock at night or you go to sleep at 4 in the results. Okay? Here, you go to sleep at 11 o'clock at night, or you go to sleep at 4

in the morning. At the end of the day, it comes down to the results. And if you don't get the results, you're going to be replaced. Period. Yes. This is Kevin Mitchell. I'm here to roast Lainey Dykstra.

He's a little sawed-off, short, Steve McQueen look-alike that I don't like, LOL, but he's a great dude inside. And I love him.

But I love that he's ain't been locked up in the last two years. He don't have them chains on right now and he don't have any teeth. So Lenny, if you're listening to this, this is Kevin Mitchell's Roasting You, little dummy. Hey guys, great podcast. Eleanor Terrigan here. I'm just calling, of course, to congratulate the great Lenny Dykstra. Wow, congratulations, buddy. Two years, no rest. That's completely

insane. I'm so proud of you. If you ever get bored and, you know, you need a little ass play, you can always go over to Mickey Rourke and have a good old time. Congrats, buddy. Go get that ass raped. Hey, guys, it's Tony Bruno. Sorry, better late than never.

I talked to the whole gang. I'm all ready to go. So are we rolling as we like to say? Here we go. In three, two, one. Hello there, Lenny Dykstra, Tony Bruno here from the Harry Callow's Memorial Hot Tub. Actually, I'm in Philly. Lenny, always great to have you on the show.

Congratulations, man. I knew you could do it. Haven't I been telling you this for a long time? It is time to get back out and get loose. Get yourself out of Phoenix. Get out of California. Get back here in Pennsylvania so we can grab some Redman Dip, a case of Boyd and Blair vodka from upstate Pennsylvania, and head over to your favorite bars in Delaware County, Pennsylvania. No more crime and sports except on this podcast. We're going to get out there. We're going to do the house of nails and we're going to do it, baby, like it's 1993 all over again. And hope to see you soon. Let's get out there and let's get it out of here. The dude, Lenny Dykstra.

Over here, the dude, Lenny Dykstra. Hey, Lenny. My name's Kurt Schlichter. I'm an author. I'm a military guy, and I'm a lawyer. As a lawyer, I want to thank you. Thank you for going two years without a bus. That's great, but there are a lot of guys out there who need new cars.

So if you decide to go in another direction, you know, that may help out some of the lawyer guys. Just say it. And as a military guy, I specifically want to thank you because I know you've got all our backs, especially Memorial Day weekend. I know you're a big supporter of the troops, and we sure as hell appreciate it. And as for Ron Darling, he can kiss my ass. Anyway, keep up the good work, Lenny. Keep out of jail. Keep giving them hell.

Fight the power. Thanks. Bye-bye. That goes for any business. Yeah, that's a business mentality altogether. We're comedians. That's like if you don't crush and you don't kill,

no one's going to pay to see you. That's why guaranteed contracts really, really, you know, halve the performances of players because, you know, there's something about, again, one of my scenes with women is,

it's not my scene, but it's my thinking, is the promise of money. Yeah. It's even more powerful than the money itself. But you can take that statement in any language. Lenny, that is comedy in a nutshell, because it's the dangling of the carrot that you always chase that you're never going to get. Do you know what I mean?

They always tell you, there might be bookers here tonight. Have a great set. You know what I mean? Yeah, tell you, there might be bookers here tonight. Have a great set. You know what I mean? Yeah, the opposite. It's an industry thing. There's a showcase. Hey, there's industry people here. And you're like, oh, shit.

Same goes with sports. The only thing is, most people don't have like 350 women chasing after a cast writer. That's a fact. Oh, yeah. Some of the greatest greatest fucking alias is like like like Winston Stone

okay I mean come on he's a badass or Riley Hamill or Parker Hamilton that's not a tough guy yeah

yeah no you know if you didn't know I was playing I was playing basically a lucky sperm club member, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. You know, I was far from that. I mean, I was very fortunate to grow up in a great family, but there were six kids, and I had to fight for a bed. But you're talking, like, I had one friend in high school. I mean, I only had one friend in high school. And the only reason I had a friend is because I needed somebody to play catch with. I mean, I only had one friend in high school. And the only reason I had a friend is because I needed somebody to kiss with. Now, was that by choice or were you kind of just not?

Because you seem, you're a very social guy and you're a very well-liked guy. I thought I was. I never went to a dance and never went to a party and never had a beer. It was all about, it was just like I was born in the middle. I grew up in a middle class family. I was a middle child. So, I hated the middle. I grew up in a middle-class family. I was a middle child.

So I hated the middle. So I did everything in my power to make sure I didn't live in the middle. So my gift, my ability, wasn't someone's foot smarts. It was the baseball, hitting the baseball. That came natural to me. So I made that my mission on Earth. People used to laugh at me when I said, I'm going to be playing in the baseball and that came and that's what came so I made that my mission on earth and people used to laugh at me when I say I'm going to be playing in the big leagues

and you know they just made me work harder and that's what I think the fans in New York and Philadelphia love is they love an underdog and so yeah I grew up in New York and that was the way it was

if you ran into a wall to catch a ball, whether you caught it or not, it didn't matter. The fact that you're willing to run into the wall to try to catch it means that you get the fans' undying devotion in the Northeast. That's just how we are as people. Yeah, and that's what it's all about. See, they're paying a lot of money to watch these games. So when the game would end, I always had my own little system.

I would immediately walk to my locker, sit on my stool, and say to myself, if I were a fan, would I have paid money to watch me play? And that's how I said it to myself. And even if I went 0 for 4, the answer was always yes.

Except one time. There was only one time 4, the answer was always yes, okay? Except one time. There was only one time I heard the answer was 0. What happened there? I knew that was coming. It's a great story. It's a classic story. It's not going to sound funny like Tonya, but it's so funny. So later on in my career, as we get older, like, Fregosi, who ran the streets pretty good, too,

was my manager, and he'd always give me Sunday day games off Sunday after night games, or Saturday night games, so I get the rest. So, we're in Florida, where it's like 180 degrees, you can die out there,

but it's Sunday, it's Saturday, and obviously, I have my fun, and take it's Sunday. It's Saturday ends, and obviously I have my fun and take it a little bit to the next level and level and re-level. Because I'm not playing Sunday. So now I walk in the clubhouse. I walk in there, and I look at the line of cards.

Or I stumble in there, and I look at the line of cards, and I'm leaning off. I'm like, oh my fucking God. With a hangover. I just had a hangover. I couldn't get an IV in me that would have helped.

I looked into the right and there was a person in the office who gave me a little spark. He said, we were playing bad. So I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I said, I know what I'm going to do. I got you, sucker.

I'm going to get thrown out of this game. Okay. I got him again. So Eric Gray, remember big Eric Gray? He's behind the dish. Oh, yeah. I don't know whoever fished in the forest. And by the way, it's 180 with humidity.

So he throws the first fish right down the middle. I start screaming at Eric Gray, you bad boy. You're crazy. I'm crazy at Eric. He's so crazy. And he says, Lenny, I already know it. Jimmy already told me. He said, if I'm going to be out here in this heat

for two and a half hours, you're going to be out here in this heat for two and a half hours. You could throw a punch and you're staying in this game, Lenny. Yeah. See, for ghosts, he got ahead Lenny. Yeah. See, Fregosi got ahead of me on that. Oh, man.

Well, he played. He knows what's up. That's amazing. Incredible. That's amazing. That's crazy. Yeah, Fregosi played. He knew it was up. Yeah, he did play. He played on and off the field too, trust me. He knew how to play that game.

He's been thrown out on purpose a time or two. Hi, this is for the podcast. Hey, it's Linda Cohn from ESPN SportsCenter. But as you know, a longtime Mets fan. In fact, I've been a Mets fan since I was a little girl, and that's a long time ago. Because I'm bored every day during this pandemic, I've been passing the time, among other things, watching, re-watching, reliving 1986, the Mets' incredible postseason, and your heroics, Lenny Dagstra,

which will always have a place in every Mets fan's heart, really, including mine. We will never forget. And if that wasn't exciting enough, I noticed that you've gone two years without getting arrested. That's a huge step. I mean, I'm being serious. That's a big step. So congrats on that.

I hope it continues. In fact, NetFans hope it continues. We're rooting for you. You know, it's really true. So two years arrest free. Keep it going. That's really true. So two years to rest free. Keep it going. That's the kind of streak you never want to end. Right?

Great. Bye. Hey, Lenny. Pat McDonald here, your comic friend from Toronto. Congratulations on two years for not being arrested. That's actually a huge deal for a fucking psychopath like yourself. Appreciate you doing my show a little while back. Last time you were in my city, you took a real beating, but not as bad a beating as that mouth of yours took.

My understanding is since you stopped playing, the only job you could get is servicing the bad end of a glory hole. playing, the only job you could get is servicing the bad end of a glory hole. Looking at your mouth while talking to you is like staring into my fleshlight after I'm done using it for a week. But all my best, buddy. Take care.

Hey everybody, it's Chrissy Mayer from the Chrissy Mayer Podcast and the West Spot on Compound Media. Congrats to Lenny Dykstra, the denture dumpster diver of Jersey. I always forget why they call you nails when we all know you're all about that pig hammer in your pants. Lenny's the only guy I know who's rounded the bases more in prison than on the ball field. Even though Lenny has had incidents and arrests involving drunk driving, sexual assault, and

grand theft auto. It's safe to say that his biggest mistake after retiring from baseball was his nails-off-the-rails pilot on compound media. Yikes, what a bomb. He often bragged about his oral skills. I hope to God you mean eating pussy because I've heard you sing. Last year, Lenny was supposed to fight the Bagel Boss in Celebrity Boxing. You know, the little midget from Long Island.

At the weigh-in, Bagel Boss was so small and white, Lenny actually tried to cut him up and snort him up his nose. Anyway, Lenny, congrats on going two years without any arrests or any sucking dick or whatever it is that you've done. Love you. Bye. Hey, Nails. This is Emil Michael, the former chief business officer at Uber. Big congrats on reaching two days without being arrested,

two years without being arrested. We're really proud of you. I know it's hard to do, but me and all the Uber drivers in the world, thank you. And, you know, way to go. Let's make it another two years, my friends. Bye-bye. I'm kind of the man of the people, whether that's on my baseball team or now. Like, now I'm all about keeping America safe, you know,

about making sure they understand that they have to get tested and for the coronavirus. This is crazy. Like, we're literally living in a twilight zone right now. This is fucking insane. Yeah, I agree. I can't even imagine what you're doing. That California stuff. There's no plan.

Yeah, there's no plan. You guys are just stuck, right? Everything's closed still. Everything, everywhere. So, I mean, what do you do? There's no money going into the kitty, so we can't delight it out there. And you're talking about, I mean, it's just a major, like, again, it's hard to explain. Life has stopped as we knew it.

And I don't know how they're going to restart it unless they test everyone. Like, I mean, monsters. Listen, we've got live shows, Lenny, that are not happening. Sold out theater shows that are just being rescheduled and rescheduled it's really crazy you know it's not the only way to get this

like somewhat going forward is to do testing you know that's the system but at the end of the day it's again no one wants to

recognize how bad it is but the trillions of dollars and the money when money's not being thrown in the kitty for everyone to split up you got problems so by the way anybody else anybody that's short the stock market right now it's crazy oh yeah Yeah, man.

I'm staying the fuck away from anything because I have very little money, Lenny. Yeah, I don't want it to be on fire like everybody else's at this moment. I'd like to use that for gas eventually. Yeah, and I can go somewhere. That's what it's reserved for. That's where we're at right now. Like, I was hearing this story the other day. I was blown away. Bill Gates predicted this in 18.

It was crazy. I don't think you know that. A lot of people did. Yeah. And Bill put a bunch of money into a bunch of shit. Yeah, we did it two years ago on our Small Town Murder podcast. We said there's got to be, we basically, yeah, we did on we did it two years ago on our small town murder podcast we said there's got to be we basically yeah we did it's a big long thing people have brought it up on social media we're due for a pandemic is what we said and here it's a flu described it yeah actual viral pandemic

and here it is we described it well it looks like now i guarantee this is what happened i'm pretty sure this is what happened i figured by the chinese governor or whatever he said he called in his best scientists over there and he said hey listen motherfuckers okay these americans trump he's walking around like they they're economies through everything's flourishing that we have so it's down. So I want you guys to create and make something so crazy that you can't figure out what it is. And so because it's just kind of ironic or weird how it happened in one city and it stopped. Okay? Yeah. And the whole world now is feeling it.

But again... At the beginning, they were talking about it was predisposed to Asian genetics. That was funny. I was like, yeah, I don't know if that's true. That doesn't seem right. Yeah, I was like, I don't think so. It's human. Again, we didn't handle it.

It was been handled like that. I mean, she's the only one who accepted it was real. Yeah. I mean, I was kind of like that too. But now, like, when I tell you you're feeling

more, I mean, that's a couple times I almost got arrested too. They said, you have to wear a mask to come in the store. And I said,

after what? And they said, you have to wear a slaw. You have to wear a mask. Yeah. And so, like, I mean,

it's just, again, we're, it's unprecedented times. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're, like, I mean, it's just, again, we're, it's unprecedented times, you know what I mean? Yeah, we're in for it. Yeah, we're in for it, and that's why when you guys do your show and we can bring a little bit of humor and entertainment to some people's lives to try to get out of this crazy, you know, world we're living in right now. That's why your show is special

and that's why I'm glad to be a part of it. Thank you. That means a lot. I'm sucking your dick. Well, speaking of nice words of people that are not necessarily just going to suck your dick, we have a list of people who sent us voicemails and called into our line

here to say unbelievably sweet things to you. We're going to sprinkle them in throughout the course of this call and do it that way. And yeah, so many people, even a crime and sports alum, even a Doc Gooden call in for you, which is pretty cool. Yeah, man. Lots of cool people. Yeah, this message is for Lenny Dyson, the dude, the nails, the catalyst, white chocolate.

This is from Chili World, 1993 NL champs. Dude, I'll be saying happy birthday. So everybody else will say happy anniversary. Bro, you know what you got to do. Man up. Stay the course. Stay the path, bro. Congrats, man.

Stay free from the sale, you know. Just do. Stay free, man. Be a free man. Don't be a product of the environment. All right, bro. From Chili World, 1993 NL Champs.

God bless you. Love you, man. Always, dude. Hit me up whenever you feel like it bro peace yeah hi this is Tom Davis

I'm the New Jersey editor of Patch.com I've gotten to know Lenny pretty well in recent years like I tell you I've known Lenny for a long really long time and I just want to wish him happy second anniversary on his not getting arrested I covered that arrest but I gotta tell ya whole thing was wrong to me man anniversary on his not getting arrested. I covered that arrest. I got to tell you,

whole thing looked wrong to me, man. You know, this guy, this guy, imagine this guy, this guy should be in the Hall of Fame for Grant Loud. I mean, think about it, okay? He was like, basically the guy who should have won the NLCS MVP in 1986. They gave it to Mike Scott, Houston Astro cheater, right? He got the two biggest hits in, like, Mets history. Game-winning home run in Game 3 and then a big triple in Game 6. Come on. And then, you know, what did the Mets do? They traded him.

Like, I'm a severe minority. They should have kept you, put you in center field, starting for like a decade. And if you were there, you would have been with some good guys. You know, you eventually would have been playing with Piazza. I thought they should have traded Mookie Wilson. I know, unpopular opinion. Imagine you in that lineup in 1999, leading off, maybe Ricky Batten second, you know, Piazza third, maybe, and then Ventura fourth. That's the way it should have been, man. It was like, Tug McGraw, you're both affiliate and Met, but to me, you're a Met, all right?

So just want to, again, wish you a happy anniversary. Congratulations, and hey, let's stay in touch. See ya. Hi, Sarah. Hi, Adam. This is Marsha Landau. I'm calling in response to Lenny's big celebration, get out of jail free day. I'm very proud of him that he's kept his nose clean for the last two years.

And what I would like to add to his celebration is something a little different I know everybody is celebrating you know he's an extraordinary athlete and elite and he likes to put on this bad boy image and and party animal and so on but I I, over the years, and through Twitter, actually, I learned that Lenny has a very sensitive side, a soft side, and he's also extremely intelligent and very nice. When I first started talking to him, he called me Old Sport. And I thought he was calling me Old Sport because I'm old and I love sports.

I'm going to be 60 soon this year. But actually he explained to me, which I had read the book The Great Gatsby many years ago, and he reminded me that one of the great characters in that book was Old Sport. So ever since then, he always calls me Old Sport. And it's not meant as a detriment. And we've had many discussions. I'm also Jewish. So we have spoken on that side of Lenny, you know, where he's very interested in Judaism.

I myself am ultra, ultra, ultra Reformed. So he's even taught me a few things about the religion that I didn't know. But I am very proud of him. I wish him the best. He's an awesome person. And I'm very happy. And I just hope for the rest of his life he stays out of jail, stays out of trouble, because Lenny being free to do what he wants is a good thing.

We don't want Lenny behind bars. Lenny in bars having a good time is fun. Lenny behind bars, not so much. Anyway, please give him my regards, and thank him very much for wanting to include me in this. And I appreciate your time and your effort and looking forward to, I told him to send me the link or maybe you can when this does come out. I would love to read it, listen to it, whatever it is. And again, my regards to all. Thank you.

Hello, this is Glendon Rush calling in. I got a message for my man Lenny Dystra. Nails, want to congratulate you on your two years of freedom. Congrats, buddy.

Proud of you. Nails Nation is proud of you. Talk, buddy. Proud of you. Nailed Nation is proud of you. Talk soon. Bye. Kurt Schilling left you a very nice one that's pretty hilarious that's as well that we'll play in here. Lots of good stuff. You're going to be very, very happy with the outpouring of support. Which is pretty fantastic. He grew up...

Yeah, man. They worked so hard this week to organize this whole thing for us, and we owe a great debt of gratitude to both of them. And then again, also to you for nutting up yet again in your career. And you took lumps from us, but you also came back swinging, and were willing to sit down and talk to us, and we really can't thank you enough. Yeah, man.

We really – I'm great. You have me on your show. It's awesome because, like I said, you guys call like it is. I mean, and what it is is what it is. I'm not looking to try to blame someone else or do, but the bottom line is, if I did it, I did it, and so own it, you know?

Yeah. And that's why in business, ego kills, you know? So humility is actually a very powerful thing, and you realize you're a lot happier living that way as opposed to trying to, you know, like Ron Darling. What's he going through right now every day?

What's he doing right now? And this is what gets me off. He thinks about me every fucking night before he goes to bed. And I don't understand why. That guy went to fucking Yale. Like, doesn't he have anything better to do than write a book accusing people of bullshit? Because I'll be honest with you.

We've we've we talked to you briefly before. And the Ron Darling thing, we we brought it up on the show. Ron Darling for the listeners out there in case you missed it. Ron Darling accused Lenny during the 86 World Series of before a game while oil can Boyd was warming up of hurling pretty vicious racial slurs at him in front of press, other players, you know, 40,000 people. And no one on the face of the earth heard these slurs except for Ron Darling, who has supersonic, amazing, unbelievable spy game hearing. And he apparently said it in Klingon and he was the only one who understood. So he apparently got out his notebook and jotted that down word for word and decided to quote it 35 years later. So,

uh, I didn't buy that. Instead of taking medical leave, it was absolutely, you know, kind of coincidental on that medical leave, but that's a whole nother story. We'll come back to that if you guys want me on a real story

if you think my story is crazy wait till you hear this one it is because it's way bigger than Ron Dorman and let's leave it at that and keep the suspense going because again it's just another day in the life

of Lenny Dixon everything in my life is crazy. Like, for instance, when Chicago, they first started playing the night games. So what happened is they played, you know, the fans revolved. So they didn't play a lot. So at the beginning, they spread them out. So the very first night game, Rick Sutcliffe's on the mound with that big dome. It was his first game of the year. He fucking turned and burned, came, Rick Sutcliffe's on the mountain with that big dome and it was his first

skiff here. He fucking turned and burned and hit it off that Turco sign after the right. You know, home run.

Third inning starts pouring, pouring. Just rain, rain, rain. And they, I'm not even thinking about like

the first home run there but, you know, Clubby comes in, his game's over, everybody goes, they's washed out. So he's washed off the board. Play five innings for DeKalb.

So we go back into Chicago and a night game, no one's in a home run yet. Mike Bilecki's pitching. Iron Mike. You get right over the top like a pissing machine. He throws me a first-pissed fastball.

I charcoal his ass, and he did it for a second time. Holy shit. I mean, that's crazy right there. Yeah. That's fucking... Yes, it is fucking... Because you figure, shit,

I lost that home run now. I'm trying to fly to Monaco every other weekend trying to fuck Mr. Seth and that's crazy too. No, that's wild. Jesus Christ. Oh my God, the over-the-top by Leckie delivery. That's hilarious. The pitching machine delivery. He did have

an absolute pitching machine delivery, man. Slinging right over the top. That's hilarious. That's been all day. But like my boy Billy Bean, like I said, the Beaner, you know, he's always reading books.

He was a great, to me, probably the best general manager in Oakland teams to win. Well, he went to Stanford too, didn't he? We were a good surprise. Yeah, yeah. But he's been reading books all the time, as we do. That's hurting your eyes, man.

That's funny. You're having trouble. I mean, but the reality is, in baseball, if you can't deal and understand the fact that baseball, as far as an offensive player, is about managing or limiting your failure because even if you're the best player, you're going to fail 70% of the time.

So you have to be able to manage that failure and deal with it. And that all starts with a game plan. I'm not telling everybody to go out there and spend $500 and have a little baseball around my tight end. But that's just how I roll. It's a good option if you can do it. It's not a bad option. It's a great option.

They're saying, hey, how you doing tonight? How you doing tonight? Because I hate brown-nosing people. I can't take it. You know? They're just like, fuck. Lenny, I hope you stay on this path and keep your things together. Definitely.

And I hope that Major League Baseball finds some place for you where they can utilize you. You're so baseball- Your personality and your baseball- You've got personality. You're so good for baseball, and I really hope that they bring you back to it. That's my question for you, Lenny, is what you have psychologically for the game is what 85% of the players are missing in the game. You can be the biggest, strongest, most athletic, fastest son of a bitch in the world. Look at Jose and Ozzy Canseco.

Same exact fucking DNA. One couldn't hit shit, and the other one has 500 home runs. You know what I'm saying? You're right, and I appreciate that because there is a mentality and and that mentality is is it takes you need look it all starts with a game plan it's kind of like in life i mean like in in baseball you're always trying to get yourself in a predictable situation and i mean so if you can get ahead of the count, you can sit on a basketball. But I didn't carry that situation

in baseball into life. I was kind of like more in this unpredictable situation which ended me more in me. But that's why the name of my book, I wrote a book, it was the hardest thing I ever did, by the way. I mean, the third chapter,

yeah, third chapter, LLC, and then that's the end of it all. And the reason I did that is because the first chapter of my life was, I mean, piss and ass, okay? Like, everything was perfect, you know? Like, I mean, big leagues. The second chapter was great,

but then it came to a screaming halt, and then straight, like, I fell through, and, like, the people, like, are living rough. No, I went all the way down. So the third chapter hasn't been written, okay? So my whole deal is, like, I want to be a factor. I want to do something, maybe. I don't know what it is yet., I want to be a factor. I want to do something. Maybe, I don't know what it is yet.

I don't know what it is. And I still think the biggest thing hasn't happened in my life yet. So I always go forward. I don't go backward. And all these people, there's depressions, like, rules, like a real illness or something. And I feel sorry for people that have that. But I don't live that way. I mean, I live going forward

because every day above ground for me is a good fucking day, trust me. For all of us. We've got a competitive nature and we need people like you in the world, not just in... Hey, Lenny, you psycho, wacko, lunatic. This is Angelo Cataldi at WIP Radio in Philadelphia.

Congrats on your two-year anniversary of the most recent arrest. At least you haven't been in the slammer during this pandemic. Philadelphia Sports Radio would hate to lose you. Nothing has entertained our city more than your absurd, obnoxious behavior. Hey, Mitch Williams sends his best. Got any stock tips? Hey, I'm calling to leave a message to celebrate the anniversary of Lenny Dykstra's second year

without being arrested or going to prison. That is incredible. I wrote a book called Tough Jews, so I'm kind of an expert on this subject of the most recalcitrant gangsters and criminals ever in America so I know what an accomplishment that is I will notice so there is

a distinction between getting arrested and you know getting caught and doing the crime so good job Lenny all the way around no matter what's going on. And I'm very happy for you. And I know from here it's going to be all line drives up the middle.

Happy anniversary. Hey, Lenny, congratulations. You have done it. You've done two years, two years without getting arrested. Way to go. We know we can get you. We're going to get two more. If we did another year, it'll be five years pretty soon.

You'll have a whole decade. And that's the type of shake that you're going to be on. I believe in you and all of our fans. And thanks to the army believing in you. And we don't need any cops setting you up either. So keep up the good work, Lenny. Way to go. Ah, my guy Lenny Dykstra.

I wouldn't miss this for the world. This is your good buddy, co-host of the Bernie and Sid of the Morning Show on Talk Radio 77, WABC here in New York, the Bernie and Sid Show. But you couldn't get

fucking Juan San Juan so you got me instead. That's fine. Or Lon here in New York, the Bernie and Sid show. But you couldn't get fucking Juan San Juan. Basically, you got me instead. That's fine. Ronnie Darling, that's fine. I don't mind hopping on. Listen, all I can say is thank the Lord I didn't take up an invitation to get in that car with you crook and dork that day in Philadelphia. Remember that? Listen to me.

You're doing great. No one's mad at you. Nobody's suing you. Nobody's saying bad shit about you. You're doing great. No one's mad at you. Nobody's suing you. Nobody's saying bad shit about you. You're doing great. But what it's worth, buddy, all kidding aside, I love you. I do. You and I are a lot alike. I mean, I never hit a home run in a World Series game, but you and I are a lot alike. So I think that you are a servant of all of this. I hope your friends show up and say very nice things here. I mean, show up obviously, but on

the internet and long life. And when this thing is all over, Lenny, you and I are going out for drinks, even though the truth is you

and I should never drink, ever. But it's nice just to say that. You know what I'm saying, pal, right? All right, Lenny. Have a good time

tonight. Peace. Hey, Lenny. This is Sue from Long Island. I just wanted to wish. This is Sue from Long Island. I just wanted to wish you a happy two years issue free. I've been a huge fan of yours since I was ten years old.

You are my reason for loving baseball and my reason for being a die hard Mets fan as a kid. You're also the reason why I'm rebelling against them forever since the day they traded you. It's been really cool chatting with you on Twitter and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your well wishes for my mom and your offer to call her.

You're a good guy. I hope you stay safe and healthy. I know you'll stay out of trouble, and your fans are always behind you. Bye-bye. My point is, is there a way that you can convey this? Is there a way that you can basically be, can you be a guru for these younger players to teach them how to get their heads out of their asses and how to have that thing that you had? Or is that something that is inherent in your brain and cannot be, can that not be taught, basically? Is that something that you either have or you don't, or is that something you can do?

That's actually a great question because it's kind of half and half. That's actually a great question because it's kind of half and half. I mean, but you can't teach. It's kind of like my shrink buddy, the New York high-end shrink up the Upper East Side. I used to go to him to get a hall pass to get out for a weekend. And he just wanted to hear my pussy story. I did, too, to be honest with you. Yeah, so I did too to be honest with you yeah so so I say

to him like you know he dealt with a lot of like marital problems and I say like what what's the

deal does it work can it fix him does it help he says three things have to

for marriage to work and I said well what do you mean work he said for them to

be happy and I said oh yeah okay that works that makes sense. He says, physical attraction is probably 60%. And then,

you know, you have to be able to get along with the person and you have to be able to provide some stability. But if the first one's there, you're D-O-A. You got no chance. You're drawn dead, okay? He said, I can't tell the husband,

hey, she's really got a nice taste and I should really be attracted to her. Yeah. It doesn't work that way. It generally crushes a friendship. Yeah. So what I'm saying is, it's either there or it isn't there.

Again, I kind of took a different angle on my answer. No, no, that's a great analogy. But the thing is, it's either there or it isn't there as far as being a gamer, you know what I'm saying? But there are things that people can teach these players that they don't know.

Like, half the players in baseball don't know how to hit. And they get away with it because of their talent, you know? So, but at the end of the day, it comes down to one thing, and that is, you gotta know or believe that you did something in this world to be a factor, to help people, or give some people some hope, or do something, and that's kind of what I'm at right now. I love it. Well, that's good stuff, Lenny. Jesus, that's a perfect place to leave it, I think.

And we are we're proud of you. Not to not to be not to be patronizing. We're not condescending. We're proud to be associated with you for for your efforts that you're making right now and everything else. And we wish you all the continued success and luck. And we just hope great things happen for you in the future and we'll

stay in touch with you. Can't thank you enough for support Sarah, Adam and all the fans out there. I mean we took something that was, I mean I didn't get kidnapped by an Uber driver or whatever just back to the result. The cops

came on and the coolie went so that's the result. The Cubs came on and the Kool-Aid went. So that's the result. But so the two years, and so everybody to step up and rally has been awesome. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful. And I'm probably grateful because the humility

is there now. It's awesome being on your show and I really appreciate your time. I always say you want to talk to me, best time to reach me is 24-7. No doubt, brother. We will stay in touch. Thanks a lot. Thanks again, Lenny. Be safe, brother. Have a good day.

Thanks, Lenny. Got it. Bye-bye. Hey, Lenny. Aubrey Huff here, man. I just wanted to reach out and say congratulations on being two years free, brother. No prison. I can't, you know, I got to tell you, but we never played together, but I've gotten to know you a little bit after the game.

And I just want to thank the universe, God, whatever. I know you don't believe in God, so it's going to be really hot where you're going. But anyway, I just thank God every day that I didn't play with you because I think I'd be dead. You have a special liver. You have a special brain. And I know as we get older, and I know I'm 43, and Lenny, you look like you're 90. That's some hard fucking city mile living you got going, buddy. But our bodies start to break down. Our mind starts to drift away. And you know, man, I got to tell you, it's going to be really, really interesting to see you in the old folks home. And that's what I predict your next

arrest is going to be when you're trying to find the slot in the old folks home. So anyway, having said that, my friend, congratulations again on being two years out of prison. You'll be in there soon. That's my guess, and I'm sticking to it. All right, my friend. Hey, this is Ben Maller, and I understand Lenny Dykstra has now made it two years without being arrested. And you think about modern history of mankind, some of the accomplishments that have taken place in the history of the world. You think of the great works of Leonardo da Vinci, the Mona Lisa. You think of some of the stuff that Michelangelo did, the works of William Shakespeare. But the fact that Lenny Dykstra could stay out of handcuffs and not have to do a perc block for two years

is one of the greatest. It's up there on the pantheon of accomplishments in human history. Congratulations, Lenny. I'm proud of you. How about four more years? Four more years. Hey, Lenny. This is Ellie Honig. Wanted to say a few words about you on the occasion of your second anniversary arrest free. So growing up in the 80s in South Jersey, hardcore Philly territory, the Mets were public enemy number one. And you, Lenny, well, I actually liked you more than anybody else in town did. And I fucking hated you until until that glorious day, June 19th, 1989, I can still see the headline, Phil's trade Juan Samuel for Lenny freaking Dykstra. And just to rub it in, we stole Roger McDowell too. Lenny immediately went from most hated guy in Philly to the absolute

most loved. Juan Samuel for Lenny Dykstra still makes me smile. Hey, Mets, you can have 20 Juan Sanuels for Lenny. And if you think about it, no human being better embodied his city than Lenny in Philly. If Philly could somehow take human form, be Lenny Dykstra. Not Rocky, Rocky's fiction.

No, not Will Smith. Love him, but he's too glamorous. Lenny is everything that Philly is. An underdog, sloppy, dirty, scrapper, loyal, mouthful of chew, and a goddamn winner. Of course, the 1993 season was the highlight. Lenny lit up the vet, he led the league in hits, runs, walks, crazy numbers, and he single-handedly dragged the Phills to the World Series. Yet somehow, Lenny got jobbed

in the MVP voting, finishing second to Barry freaking Bonds. Give me a break. You know Bonds was juicing like crazy that year while Lenny was... Actually, on second thought, scratch that. I'll never forget that night Lenny hit for the cycle. He slammed some HGH before the game, he got ejected for cursing at the ump, he drained a six-pack back in the clubhouse, and he got a DUI on the way home. And it's funny now, looking back, I used to watch you play, Lenny, and feel inspired. Turns out, years later, you did end up being a real inspiration for me in my professional career. Not as a baseball player, of course. I was never any good.

But as a prosecutor. In all seriousness, Lenny, I want to congratulate you. Two years clean. You were a great ballplayer. But what people don't know is that you're a good soul and you're working hard to get better every day in life. Stay strong, my friend. Keep it on the straight and narrow.

Hi, this is Seth Quinn from Team Nails. I just want to give a shout out to my boys for being two years out of jail. And we're all around here. My man's out of jail. I'm out of jail. Lane's out of jail, too. We're just happy to have you here, baby. Hold on.

Eddie, I'm out of jail for a year and a half. I did the race, baby. I'm out here. Self-cold out here. We about to switch into Jersey, baby. Swing it over. That boy Jersey in here. Shout-out to my boy Lenny. We out. My boy out. Thank God we cool it, baby. Swing it over. That boy Jersey in here. Shout out my boy Lenny.

We out. My boy out. Thank God we cool it. And let's get to it. Sean Gallagher here. Fucking Philly, bro. Fucking Philly. Can I just get a little E-A-G-L-E-S-E, bro?

Go, Barry, baby. Boop. Lenny Dykstra. This is Stacey Pressman here. I'm a comedian, non-arrest person, never been arrested in my life. I am so proud of you. Two years, no arrests. Many people could say that, but this is a big deal for you. You have a diverse arrest record. The most I've probably ever seen from fraudulent checks to hookers. Don't you know you leave that in the drawer, money in the drawer?

I don't know why you write a check to a hooker. But anyway, she said the checks. I'm not going to bash her business. Skilling floors and granite countertops and an oven. You could always take my oven because I don't use it. I'm a Jew. I don't cook. You had, I'm sure you had drug arrests. You know, you can't miss that. You didn't have murder,

not yet. You had sexual assault on the Sabbath, which is not, you know, I don't know why, but Saturday was your rape day. You dumped or died for your dentures, which sounds like a great charity. I think I'm going to develop that as a charity for people who can't afford dentures. Dumpster diving for charity for dentures. Dumpster diving for dentures. And now it's been two years, and there's no arrest for Lenny Dykstra.

Two years. Now, most people would be like, you know, that's not a big accomplishment. But for you, that is an accomplishment. That is like 20 years for me so i want to say congratulations on your non-arrest record for two years i hope that you have two more years or at least two more months and um you keep getting in trouble because it's more fun when you're in trouble i like bad boys So congratulations on two years of not being arrested.

Keep your crimes federal prison. Don't go for murder or rape or anything like that. Not too good. If you need answers, let me know. Good luck, Lenny. Love ya. Get another home run into someone's house.

Maybe they'll arrest you and there'll be another diverse crime that you committed for, I guess, obstruction. I don't know what it's called. But anyway, for damaging property. But that's nothing to you. Yeah, vandalism. So just keep hitting balls into people's houses. That's your next thing.

Congratulations on home runs, on arrests, and non-arrests. Hey, it's Mike again. You guys cut me off. So real quick, I just want to wrap this up. Just edit this in if you can. Lenny holds a special place in my heart. He's a great dude and happy to be a part of this broadcast. Rock and roll, Len.

Congratulations on your two years. Hopefully it's another two, and i'll see you in a flip side man good luck guys hope everybody enjoyed our interview there with lenny dykstra celebrating two years we had him down in the basement down in the basement in the in the cellar here all locked away keeping him safe you know i don't know if we're keeping him safe or the world safe either way keeping him from us or us from them either way we don't know either we're keeping him safe or the world safe. Either way. Keeping him from us or us from them. Either way. We don't know. Either way, though.

He's safe and he made it. And we're very, very proud of Lenny. That's Lenny. Thanks, everybody, for following the Lenny Dykstra saga all through this four years and three episodes. It's quite the arc, we'll say. It's a trilogy. And hopefully we'll talk to Lenny in the future and hear more about him doing very, very well. Absolutely.

And what you can do here. We want to hear from you that we're doing well. You can. So you can do that very easily by going over to Apple Podcasts. That purple icon. Get on there. Give us five stars. Doesn't matter what you say. Say you're following instructions, following directions.

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murder on instagram see i should have just rolled with it that's the problem yeah the opportunity murder on instagram i fucked it all up see this is what happens lenny frazzles us that's what happens man see sometimes you miss it and then uh luckily i didn't have to go to jail so that's good if you want to be a producer of ours if you want to have jimmy screw up your name and make us very happy people, and you know what? Just feel good about yourself, that you're a good person.

Not only that, have access to tons of bonus material. You can do that very easily by going to patreon.com slash crimeandsports or head over to PayPal if you want to just be a nice person and make a one-time donation using our email address, crimeandsports at gmail.com. This week, we have a really cool patreon episode lined up for crime and sports it's about the the kind of how the media has said

wrestling is fake and then how people are like no it's not forever literally our story starts in 1920 with people being like this is a sham it's fucking amazing and it leads all the way up to you know when vince mcmahon finally says publicly that wrestling is you know not on the up and up right quote unquote right in the nights in the 80s and the john stossel slap and all that it's certainly on the up and up in terms of entertainment it's absolutely yeah yeah and we'll get into all that we'll talk about all of that and kind of what that entails and all that shit. But it's going to be a really fun Patreon. So get on that. Check that out.

That's at the $5 or above level and everything like that. And I think it's time, Jimmy. I think it's time without any further ado. Should I give it to you, James? I think it's time to give it to me. Give it to me hard. Slap me in jail. Keep me in the basement to keep me away from these damn people.

Hit me with the names of the greatest people on the damn face of the earth, Jimmy. This week's executive producers are Jean Lyon, Jill Fry, Christiane Costaldi. Thanks. Good to see you again. Thank you, Chris. Thank you.

Courtney Chaney, Amy Spicer, donated both ways. Thank you, Amy. Heather Langdon, Galen Harris, Susanna Platt, Carrie Clark. Congratulations on your daughter, Razor Strong. She listens to us with the baby, which is very, very nice uh travis with no last name don tanner uh oh boy uh

lump what did i do lomba lamba lomba lump lumb lomba no wumbago i think i don't know that's that's a tough one samantha with no last name. Jordan Bennett. Terry Anderson. Pamela Sloan. The original Pamela. Pamela. Austin Kukendall. Corey Herman. Daniel Literal. Literal.

Literally Daniel. Yes, it is. Kathleen with no last name. Danielle Harris. Dan Seward. Anastasia with no last name. Erin Edrington. Edrington.

Billy. No, Bailey. Sorry. Duncan. Tim Peterson. Jordan Hall. Chelsea O'rington. Billy. No, Bailey. Sorry. Duncan. Tim Peterson. Jordan Hall. Chelsea O'Neill. Efren Valentin, I think.

Nicole Ellis. Diane McCreary. Justin Saar. Thanks, Justin. Heather Gunn. Santiago Quinones. And other producers this week. Are we ready?

We're ready. Catherine. What is this? Logan. Hang in there. It's going to get better. You're a real hero. That's the God's honest truth. You are. Thank you are thank you very much so much uh carl kirschner uh josh jessup danielle stewart james martyr jude kendall uh greg hoffman i think sheree

taylor colin fishbaugh john knickerbocker reagan shalkley ashley vo andrea cleaver peyton meadows uh ryan sh Shank donated both ways. Thanks, Ryan. Yeah, thank you so much. Bobby Bierce, I think, is it that is? Christina, no, it's Kristen. Quintiliana? No. Quintiliani, that's it.

Adam Dugdale, Raja Nicole, Trey Volkanar, Vicki Gleave, Corey Camper, Alexis Clark, Madeline Clark, Shandell Whitney. Thank you very much, Shandell. Yeah, thank you. Guy Amster, Bill Kirchner, Lisaeline Clark, Shandell Whitney. Thank you very much, Shandell. Yeah, thank you. Guy Amster, Bill Kirchner, Lisa Fun Size. Chew Talk, I think. Fun Size Shoes. She's Fun Size.

Tiny Shoes. Stephanie Christ, Jesus' daughter, obviously. Obviously. Tell Dad we said hi, really. I know he's busy, but I've been meaning to text him back. I'm sorry. Hollis Leiby, Anna Arradondo, that's it, Sarah Acosta, Tim Donahoe, Brittany Whitehall, Susan Gale, Eunisha Butler, Patrick Palouse, Joel Ponchok, Christopher Danley, fuck, Wayne Rose,

Taylor Zito, that's obviously Chuck. It's Barry and Chuck's offspring. Rose Ager, Janice Hill. They had them together. Graham Wilson, Megan Lee, Kelly with no last name, Shannon Henney Seiler, Kristen George, Jessica Doherty. Doherty? No, that's not it either.

Okay. Galen Harris, I think I said that. Jessica Sherman, Brenna Pink Pampina. Okay. I mean, it's your list, Jimmy. It certainly sounds gross. It's sure up to you. I don't know.

Marvin Page, Danielle Mark, or Mar. Jessica Sherman, Jackie Sukup, George Callahan, Abby with no last name, Kyla Stevens, Emily Buzka, I think, Krista Walker, Thomas Smith. Nicholas Palmieri. Mike Harrison. Allison Sellers. Melissa McAllister. Halls Famer TV. I think. Christina Lambert.

Courtney Gillespie. Sarah Bareilles. Jesse McCrary. Anne-Marie Navarro. Amateur Radio. That's easy enough. Kayla Rippey. Ripe.

Marissa Sillick. God damn it. Robert Jones. Samantha McClintock. Linda with no last name. Tracy Jacobs. Moving on. Hey, the name you can pronounce.

That's terrific. You're good. Josh Gardner. Dixon Jimenez. Oh, I get it. Jimmy's ass. I see what you're doing, Dixon. Joe Tubioli.

No. Amanda Rene? Ruben Rodriguez? Tracy Shipper? The Goggles? Trey Bivens? Azariah Jelks? Steve, give it a second shot. Laura Dowden? Jim Corgan Hatfield?

Kevin Withrow? Jillian Meehan? Carrie McCall? Rachel Clark? Courtney with no last name? Brianna Ruscover? Jessica Shannon, Allison Newbold, Beth Mitchell, Stevie Ryder, Dakota Cleaver, Bridget O'Malley, Derek Dominey, fuck, Jenny with no last name, Savory, I

think, Cheryl Elder, Brian Freeze, what? No, Brain Freeze. That's what that is. That makes more sense. Jason Angel. Janet with no last name. John Little. Donald Shrumpf Jr.

Okay. Henry Lewis. Taylor Schulte. Pablo Diablo. Kodo. No, Cody. Martin. Martin Haler.

I'm really. I'm really at the end of my rope. You're doing a bang up job, Jimmy. I gotta tell you. Helen Greenfield. James Meadows. Matt Chu. Beth McDonald, Matthew Tharp, Kate Chaney, Meredith Kummel, Noah Tolbert, Rylan Jones, Emily Dumas, Mike Griffin, Lisa Goyer. He wants to give up so bad right now.

You have no idea how much he wants to just go, Never mind, and leave. Caleb Brown, Daniel Feliciano. Ethan with no last name. Nicole Watson. Amy Sorensen. Sean Spongenoggle. That's perfect. Jessica H.

Debbie Patesek. Probably not. Ryan Early. Bill Blomberg. Sarah McCracken. Chris Jondro. Ben White. Caitlin Comber.

What did I do? Cobra Line. Shelby Graham. Fuck! Brian Cruz, William Pates, Brian with no last name, Christy Rauscher, Nathan Nolte, You Rule Heather Sue. That's what I wrote. That's what I'm saying.

Julia Takuhana, Jennifer Weather, Courtney Carter, Madison McCall, Molly Whitmore, Victoria Sykes, Courtney Carter, Madison McCall, Molly Whitmore, Victoria Sykes, Kasuka Dragon, Shelley Jones, Lisa Tucker. Molly Whitmore and Madison McCall. I said that. Damn it. Okay. Now, Voyager, Jonas Doter.

That's not right. I'm sorry. Zach Michael, Bill Cook, Lauren Besser, Zabel Thomas, Calum Foster. Calum. Jennifer Rausch and Trapman, Ed Fredrickson, Michael Lepley, Jessica Groinevich, Jeffrey Lee, Joe Wasaya, Jennifer Haddard, Ian R Regal, Cindy Finney, Erica Compliment, I think, Loretta Howard, Hayward, Bennett, Ryan Murray, Joe, Josh, Josh Leonard, Haley P., Stephen Kovic, Laura Carpenter, Mark and Tiffany, The Gooch, Holbrook, Colleen Jams or Sams, I don't know if that's a J or an S. Woody Watson, Nanette Mijas, Amira Baltimore, Nicholas Augustine, Tyler Crowder, Charmel, Lori League, Isabel Silverstein, Nathan Laird, Becky Hoekstra, Catherine Tierney, Nathan Gardner, Stephen St. John, Heather Rogers, and that was a whole bunch of R's on purpose.

Yeah. Fiona Lees. Stacked them. Ashley Foradry, Michelle Snodgrass, Nick Goddammit Gildea. Goddammit Gildea? That's not right, but I think I tried. All right. Fair enough.

Rachel Elizabeth, Sasha Barker, Total Axe in Detroit. Thank you very much. Brandon Paquin, Matt Wojteky, I think I tried. All right. Rachel Elizabeth. Sasha Barker. Total Axe in Detroit. Thank you very much. Brandon Paquin. Matt Wojteky, I think. Julia Barcia. Julio, I'm sorry. James McNairn. Meg with no last name.

Tim Porter. Allison Atkinson. Delia Keefe. Tasha Jaruzinski. Tex Kirker. Christopher Romero. Michael Costable, Travis Counter, I think I did that right, Dennis Zimner, Courtney Hawkins, Amber Pendleton, Ben Byrne, Ashley

Case, Jane Gordon, Vegas Matt, Catherine Norfleet, Kit Galvin, Cody Piscitelli, Andrew Lee, Nicole Sage, Megan Cook, Sharon Qualley, Wiley, Lee Ramsel, Ryan Fott, Homestretch, I promise. I swear to God, I'm so bad at this. You messed up your pages. There you go. This is brutal. Hey, you're almost done. Aaron and Emily Bensing, Tim Fitzgerald, Michaela McCullough, King Jeffrey, John Wipert, Sarah Hamilton,

Vicki Gleave, Summer Thompson, David Leighton, Laura Tambolini, Audrey Escalante, Don Lopez, Brian Cervantes, Christy Davenport, Amy Williams, Sarah Butler,

Dave R., Serene Gann, Nevin Marie St. Pierre. She sent us a nice email. Thank you, Nevin. Brian Tessman, Kelly Creighton, Emma Sties, Mel Patterson, Brittany, no, Bethany. Fuck. Talema, Emma Danielle Kiker, Sherry Vaughn, Michelle Curtin, Chris Hamburg, Ryan Vanden Ejenden?

Nope. Yeah. And then Richard Dykers and every one of our Patreon supporters, obviously. Thank you guys so much for everything you do. We can't do what we do without you. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you, guys.

Unbelievable how amazing you guys are to us, and thank you, honestly, for everything, for what you do for us, your kind words, for your Patreon and paypal and keeping us afloat while we're stuck here there's plenty of podcasts that have patreons and they don't i don't know what they do but i i just i i want to make sure that people understand how important they are and that's why we do this absolutely waste of time with uh with just words of names you know it's that's it we we say them because it's not a waste yeah we really we appreciate it everybody counts to us it's not phil either them because we appreciate you guys. Yeah, we really we appreciate it. Everybody counts to us. It's not Phil either. These shows are long and God.

Yeah, we don't. We're actually like shit. The shout outs are short or too long. We have to cut it. So, yeah, trust me, it's not Phil. I'm in because we'd like to be faster, but we can't. We can't make them. Jimmy can't talk that fast.

It's not an auctioneer. He's not the micro machines. Right. So with that said, everybody, Jimmy, how could they get a hold of you if they wanted to say something to you? You can find me at WismanSucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks, on Twitter and Instagram, and then on Facebook, obviously. Or you can just look in Lenny's followers. That's all. That's where I'm at.

What about you? You can find me at JimmyPIsFunny, or just copy and paste my name from the show description and make yourself have an easier day not trying to spell Petrogallo. So do all of that. Keep coming back week after week. We have a regular normal story next week. It'll be more wild and sane action. That said, everybody,

live from the Crime and Sports studios, we will see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts.

Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from Smartless Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'll learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. link roller coaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link careening through trivia oddities and unexpected connections until we collectively shout how the hell did we get here follow wiki hole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to wiki hole ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on apple podcasts