Crime in Sports - #217 - Don't You Dare Call Me Rachel! - The Robustness of Sebastian Janikowski

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

This week, we look at a man who came to America, in search of a better life... and apparently to be a jerk. His NFL career was long, but so is his criminal record. Even with his attempts to try to pass himself off as an innocent foreigner, it's pretty obvious that he k new what he was doing. The fighting, the drinking, the GHB, more fighting, more drinking... more GHB, and throw in a little bribery, just for fun! Come from an Eastern Bloc country to make a better life, get away with anything based solely on your talent to kick a ball, and make sure to never take responsibility for your actions with Sebastian Janikowski!! Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!! Contact us on... twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder#  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. The Queen of the Courtroom is back. How did I know that? i have crystal ball in my head new cases leave her a long so uh this is not a so this is a period classic judy it's streaming you can say anything it's an all-new season judy justice only on freebie Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports! Yay! Yay indeed, Jimmy, yay indeed! My name is James Petrigal, I'm here with my co-host. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed.

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Now, I said we were going to do the Vince McMahon steroid trial, but but i messed up i need to find a piece of information that i don't have so that's going to be in two weeks apologies for that it'll be worth the wait i promise you instead we have a totally different episode this week it's awesome some people know the story but some people don't and either way i think you want to hear our take on it oh great jimmy i don't want you to know this i'm going to surprise you during the bonus. So what I need you to do is I need you to take your headphones off. Take your headphones off. You have to put your hands over your ears, turn away from the mic, and say la, la, la, la.

And you do it. I need a la, la, la out of you. I need to. You can't hear it. La, la, la, Jimmy. There we go. All right. He's humming.

That's good. Okay. It's a story of Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich who traded wives and lives. Everything. Dogs, cats, houses, kids, you name it. They traded it in the 70s, made a big press conference announcement. They were teammates on the Yankees.

It's fucking insane. And I didn't want to tell Jimmy because his head's going to explode when he hears this. It's awesome. I wonder how long I can get him to hum for. Just sit there with his... Hmm. All right, we'll let him know. there you go chief all right headphones back on there

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And if you just want to be a nice person who's got good karma and donate to the show, you can do that very easily at PayPal using our email address, crimeandsports at gmail.com. All right, let's get to this. Fantastic. Let's get into this this week. It's a Raider, Jimmy. Yeah. Somebody for you to hate.

Awesome. Jimmy's a Bronco fan. Well, that's the one with Barrett Robbins, right? Has it been that long? Jesus, I don't think so. I mean, somebody's probably been through the ranks. Had a cup of coffee on the Raiders. I don't remember, but we've had tons.

But this week, it's Sebastian Janikowski. really oh yeah there we go only ours is our second kicker yeah that we've ever done he's he's got some accolades man that guy was good he was a great kicker i hated him what a fuck up though oh yeah oh you don't remember his oh polish oh yes he is he's polish and he spoke polish right yeah he's from pol is. He's Polish. And he spoke Polish, right? Yeah, he's from Poland. Right. He's from Poland. He barely spoke English at first. There you go. Yeah, and he spoke enough English to get in fights and try to bribe police officers, as

we'll find out. Find out where to put the ball. And if I threw there, okay, I kick. I do. That's it here. Is that how they talk? I don't know. That's the thing.

I don't really know a Polish accent, so I'm going to give it sort of just like, it gives one of these. You get accent for you. I drink vodka and do things. I smoke a ton of cigarettes while I drink vodka all day long. That's going to be Polish today. I don't know if that is Polish. I know people, that's not Polish.

I get it. But you know what? Don't fucking care. Was this big fat ass Polish? Because that was Polish. Boy, oh boy, was he a barrel ass polish because that that was boy oh boy was he a barrel ass oh he's a fat fuck yeah let's get on into this that didn't feel good like whenever he'd beat the broncos with a with a field goal at least i could walk away and just go hey he's still fat

as fuck he's still got a big fat gut hanging over with this he couldn't see the problem was his number yeah football is a thing where certain positions need certain numbers. And obviously there's rules in place for that. But if you see a big guy like that with masks on him and a big guy wearing number 11, that's not enough number for that guy. Doesn't cover anything. If he had like a 53, he would look fine. 89? You know what I mean?

A tight end number, like an offensive guard number. He would have 50, 53, 58, 89. Something like that would have been fine. 44 even, a fullback number. 11 makes you look fatter, Sebastian. 11. You got to be a svelte quarterback to wear 11. And then a last name like Janikowski has to go from shoulder to shoulder.

That's what I mean. All those letters. With that skinny little thing. Two little toothpicks. You know who wears 11? Who's allowed to? Who's that? Kickers and punters.

Yeah. Quarterbacks and receivers. You know what they all have in common? Skinny. Slim. Svelte. A lot of running with those guys. Yeah.

Not so much here. So his full name is Sebastian Powell or Pavel Jan pavel uh janikowski the w's in poland seem to be v's right so we're gonna go pavel uh p-a-w-e-l janikowski that's his name here known as uh several nicknames the polish all sorts of shit yeah polish cannon is what he they called him there for a while and all of his teammates call him sea bass okay and this just comes literally from uh peter warwick thinking sebastian was too long of a name to pronounce and sea bass was quicker it's easier too many syllables literally it was like sebastian's too fucking long what's up sea bass period that was the end of it sebastian sea bass done so that's what everybody calls him from then on because because it is easier than Janikowski.

And he's a big guy, like in Dumb and Dumber, the guys named Seabass. Yeah, Seabass, yeah. And it was right around then. He got the nickname in 97, so that's right after two years after Dumb and Dumber, three years later. So it was in the vernacular at that point. So kick his ass, Seabass was a very common stupid phrase that people would say. So March 2nd, 1978, he's born.

For some reason, his date of birth is a great source of debate, whether it's March 2nd, 78 or 79. Several places have it listed at 79. And we're talking like, you know, major publications, things like that. I am going off of the state of Florida's court system because I feel like they'll know what his birthday is probably. Things are a little more legal. I think they'll look at his immigration papers and figure it out. So I'm going with them, what they say.

They have plenty of experience in cataloging him. So, yeah, he's born in Walbrich, Poland. It's spelled W-A-L-B-R-Z-Y-C-y-c-h fuck that yeah i was like what is that i looked it up it's valbridge in english is how you say it but wow there's not enough vowels in there i know that y is sometimes a vowel but not if it's right after b-r-z and then preceding ch that's that's can't be a vowel then you need more uh it's a it's a place about 110 000 people it's not a huge place it's in southwest poland it's close to the borders of what's now the czech republic what used to be czechoslovakia right and what was east germany when he was

growing up so as you can imagine just a fun little area yeah i mean a little triangle with the east germans and the czechs that's just a good stuff going on in the 80s for the czechs as well they weren't all you know like this is a disaster to grow up in this it seems like a very stern area yeah not a lot of comedy clubs popping up around here i feel like just 30 years after the the ending of a terrible war terrible in east germany i mean that whole thing was obviously very contentious at that point in time. This was still Cold War era. 1978 was the peak of this shit. So, I mean, yeah, this is.

But he did get to see a wall come down, right? I guess if he went over there. Well, I assume there was probably quite the border over there with East Germany for people trying to escape. But, I mean, where are you escaping to? Poland? Poland was Eastern Bloc too. They were all Eastern Bloc. You're escaping from one...

He grew up in an ugly place. Escaping from one cell block to another. Right. Oh, it's... Yeah, it is. This town actually, though, is weird because it's not...

Like, all the places around there, you know, destruction and rubble from World War II. For some reason, this town did not get fucked with in World War II.

Untouched. It's pretty much unscathed by everything all the buildings they have this huge castle that's there that's like a you know from a thousand years ago like all sorts of crazy shit it's uh very weird with that uh coal mining became a big deal here so it's kind of a picture an eastern block coal mining town boy they're hard enough without the coal mining that's what i mean imagine that and then put them in a coal mine coming out with dirt all over their faces into you'd be like underground's better fuck it it's just as gray that might be why they did it yeah it's safer under here right. But he was born to Henrik and Helena Janikowski. Those were his parents.

He's born in Valbridge. His father is a professional soccer player. No kidding. Which explains a lot in terms of his soccer and his athleticism and everything like that. Now, his father moved to the U.S. in the early 80s trying to, because that's when there was a bunch of pro soccer leagues in the U.S. NASL was in and a couple other ones. So you could come over here and actually make a couple of bucks

if you were kind of a half-assed European star because they were trying to lure them over here to play. Trying to get that sport popular here too. And if you get somebody that's good at it from there. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, when they got Pele to play over here, he was 75 years old or something, I think. I don't know.

They wheeled him out there, and he came out, and they were like, holy shit, Pele. There he is. We all know who he is. He's the real guy. Oh, wow. Look at that. The funny thing is, they could have just hired a guy and put Pele on his jersey. Nobody knows what he looks like.

And put him out there. Not in the United States. The rest of the world, people have been like, that's not fucking Pele. And he put him on the field in New York. They'd have been like, that's not fucking Pele. And, you know, he put him on the field in New York. They'd have been like, that's fucking Pele. Oh, Pele. Kick that fucking ball. Let's go.

Yeah. They don't know if whatever he does is good or not either. It's soccer. We don't know anything good in soccer. Foot touches the ball. Sounds good to me. If eventually someone scores scores that must have been set up for i don't know weeks right how long do they do that for they practice that it's a long

play so uh now they moved around a lot because he's his father's a professional soccer player and at you know just like if you're like a minor league baseball player or something you move around a ton so the family kind of had a nomadic kind of a wandering lifestyle here and uh sebastian here he was uh you know he he moved all around to krakow to valbridge uh millich mileage i don't know and back again to valbridge he all around because of the soccer here now he his father actually played on you know he played in the pros and was a good soccer player. He wasn't some scrub, really. But as kind of his career waned a little bit, that's when they really started moving around.

Come 1981, he is cut from Poland's World Cup squad. And that's kind of when he's getting older and he's just not as good anymore. So that's when he tries to go to the United States. It's kind of like a basketball player here. We'll wash out of the NBA, go play in Italy for three years and make another 15 million bucks or something. Turkey or Thailand. Yeah, exactly. Somewhere and just go over there and play because they got a name.

And people over there are like, holy shit. There he is. I've heard of him. Yeah. It's basically Pele. Right. They don't fucking know. They tell me you're Dennis Rodman.

I guess it is. You could just, any tall guy, just a white guy with dyed green hair. Guy's hair funny colors. Dennis Rodman. There he is. Really? Yeah. I expected you to be taller and blacker.

Okay. Nope. No, I don't know. You look different on TV, but sure, get him out there. Who knows? So finally, though, he bounces all around and uh henrik does he moves to the united states leaves sebastian and his mom behind uh to come here on a work visa right and eventually though his work visa expires and he stops playing soccer he ages out of soccer so he just stays

anyway the father he just stays on an expired work visa and finds an American woman to marry. That's his deal, too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that was a smart move for him. He wanted to come there. And so his parents end up divorcing, like I said, and his father, Henrik, meets an American citizen. And I don't know, that Polish charm. You know how that Polish charm goes, especially some Eastern Bloc Polish charm.

That's what you want. I don't know anything about their food, cuisine, culture. I know nothing. Only thing I know is Polish hot dogs. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's what I see, like a bratwurst and some sauerkraut maybe. Because it's different.

Because it's straight. Because it doesn't have like the casings weird. Right. It's not. It's like. It's red meat rather than the brown stuff. Yeah. polish is good i'll have a polish sausage i'll take it but you know you got that um i know there's sauerkraut involved that's all i got i know they drink a lot there there's beer vodka yeah they like their vodka a lot there oh yeah they

love their vodka there yeah it's it's any of those russian block countries are vodka heavy poland's a beer vodka they like to drink i know we're probably just besmirching the whole country but i'm trying to think not even now because i don't know now for shit but i'm trying to think like 1978 poland is where i'm going not really now it seems dark and gray i'm sure there's history to like the the hacky ass jokes about them too oh yeah i don't understand where that came from i know nothing no but i do know this ethnic stereotype jokes that are very old yeah all of them there are some truth to them it's always like a nugget and then it gets blown into this crazy thing so why are polack stupid yeah so somewhere sometime like one dude one dude did something

really dumb and everybody's like these fucking polacks are morons and everyone's like oh that that was steve he's the biggest idiot we have we think he's dumb too that's the dumbest person literally the dumbest person we have he's the village idiot is what the now no only one of us it takes to screw in a light bulb just like why where is this coming from why is this happening we can operate anything that you can what the fuck it's fine i don't understand one tyrant in history hated us terribly and now all of a sudden everybody does that's it i don't get it that's no i don't buy a bottle rocket and call it my space program what the fuck where is this coming from i know the difference between that too that's yeah i don't

know where it came from i'm dying to know poor bastard it's fucking weird so yeah whatever so uh anyway his parents his parents divorce he's at home with his mom, and he plays soccer, and Sebastian does. And he's a great soccer player, really good. At one point, he earns a spot on the Polish under-17 national team. Yeah, he's a no-joke soccer player. While he stayed in Poland. While he's in Poland as a child here. But the problem is they don't have a lot of money.

Him and his mom. His dad moved over there. This isn't like a great economic time to be. You know, Eastern Bloc Poland in the 80s is not. There's a reason why the wall fell and all that. It's economics. And it was really, it was a war of attrition, basically. It was them pooling their money together to remain a country.

Yeah, and us just waiting for everyone to get tired of it you know what i mean that's the rest of the world going they'll get sick of it eventually right yeah they don't want to wait on lines that long this is these this is the peak of it man so it's it's a tough place to live uh now his dad would send money here and there while he was playing soccer in america because he was making decent money over here well before he met her while he was playing soccer still because he'd figure that they're fucking mad at him after that too well that's once he kind of once he's done with soccer and gets married again then he kind of not not so many checks flying over the over the atlantic

at that point in time probably not so many father's day cards going the other way i would say not he sebastian and his mom lived in a three-room apartment in valbridge and um he says that this was when he started to kind of run the streets a little bit and kind of do some of the shit that he would be in trouble for later based on this here he got really good at playing pool billiards really yeah he hung out at pool halls as a child and got really good at it so the fact that he was young people thought he was garbage so he would hustle some of the older guys brilliant for money extra money and this is how he would make money around the city basically he'd go around to different pool halls trying to hustle people so that's interesting and also while

he was there he got a real taste for vodka really that's where he started to just get the little that's not bad is that rubbing alcohol no no hustling hustling in vodka huh tastes like it that's the lifestyle so he's a teenage pool hustler with a vodka in his hand at this point so uh you know this is a strange life there's a strange upbringing here for him uh very very fucking strange and uh where is his mom during this i don't know she must be working very very fucking strange and uh where is his mom during this i don't know she must be working i assume working yeah and his dad is no help obviously i don't think his dad was much of a help when he was there either from what it sounds like it doesn't sound like it sounds like his dad kind of did his thing and came home and like

tussled his hair and was like there you go little sebastian right brought him like a soccer ball have fun buddy and then play your cards right you can be a failure like me hey all right but at the time he was hot shit though that's the thing so uh he's doing all of this and uh drinking vodka and he said that he first saw american football when his dad sent him a videotape called it was a highlight tape remember all the like you'd go to a video store in the 80s and early 90s and they'd have like the sports section it would have like highlight fucking videos it was that and the bloopers that and the bloopers and it'd have like all the wrestling tapes in that section to like special interest and then like denise austin workout videos a couple of susan powders yeah that's what you'd have all that shit so his dad sent him a tape called nfl's greatest hits oh one of those highlight tapes

that's the first time sebastian saw football and if the first time you see football is from one of these nfl films right highlight tapes that shit looks majestic yeah like oh if you watch it on tv you just turn it on and look at it you're like okay you have to be you have to kind of know the game and know the strategy because otherwise there's like 10 minutes in between fucking plays there's a lot of standing around a lot of standing around it's all it's hurry up and wait and then they go for three seconds and then they stand around for a while more and plan close-ups on a coach that you have no fucking idea who he is yeah if you know the game you get the how this is building drama but if you don't whatever but these highlight reels nfl films have these i mean if you don't know these the swelling the music orchestral

with the fucking with the old that uh what the hell is his name uh something with an f the composer no the guy who did the voiceover oh the dallas cowboys i know who john something with an f i can't remember it's driving me nuts but he you know the the vaunted defense of the pittsburgh stevens slow mo of just their feet like trucking oh yeah because it's great film it's steve sable and the the nfl films crew amazing camera work and i mean it's it's cinema they do it like cinema they have they follow the ball through the air the arc of it as it spins and you know hits the receivers it's beautiful it really

is they make it look like ballet it's gorgeous slow-mo is right at the right time of ball bouncing and even the violence looks fucking beautiful yeah it's like this slow-mo hit with a guy and sweat coming off of him and his helmet going sideways. It's fucking beautiful. It really is. That damn near murder was incredible. Yeah, it's beautiful. You could do that anywhere in life.

If you put on a world star video and you put whatever his name is there, his voice over and that music and head slow. over and that music and had slow as one fucking as one guy punches another guy in a gas station parking lot you know what i mean you know the desire is not near as good but the desire to win exists everywhere including a texaco parking lot one crackhead tackles the other sweat comes off his head they go slow motion to the concrete and on any saturday night at three o'clock in the morning one crackhead defends the honor of pump three one defends his piece of brillo pad that they fought over so valiantly that'd be beautiful we'd all watch that wow is why we would buy something we've already fucking seen. That's the thing.

You know what I mean? I saw the game. And I want to see it again. When we were kids, when they'd show the half-hour Super Bowl show, they'd line them up sometimes and do like a marathon. And it was that guy with the music and all that. It was amazing. You'd sit there and just be like, fuck, you just wanted to go play.

I'm reliving it. I want to tackle somebody in slow motion i watched that live it wasn't near as cool no that's what i mean anything nfl films does is so much better than what you've seen in live action and you know the story but the way they tell the story no fucking joe buck no troy acheman no chiming in none of that shit just the vaunted defense of the pittsburgh stealers that's what we need absolutely that's what i'm talking about so yeah so anyway uh now his father marrying an american meant that he had certain you know he became a citizen eventually his dad so he could then try to, Heinrich could try to bring Sebastian over

if Sebastian wanted to. Now, Sebastian really didn't take English or really didn't speak English. When he ended up coming to the States, he took like a night class. It was just English as a second language night class. Best to walk, brother. And watched a lot of TV.

So he was one of these guys walking around being like, you know, being like, you know, just like, you know, the Energizer never stop. It keep going and going, huh? And you're like, yeah, nice to meet you too, Sebastian. He's starting conversations with Waza. Yeah, he's just whatever commercials he saw in 1994. You're like, how you doing?

Nice to meet you, I'm James. He's like, AT&&t the best long distance you can hear pin drop sprint terrible have you tried new whopper from burger king now 25% more beef. You have it your way. He turns into Yakov Smirnoff. In Poland, you can only have it one way.

And over here, you have any way. In Poland, break deserve you. In Poland, break deserve you. In Poland, break deserve you. In Poland, hamburger loving you. That's fantastic. That's what he's doing, just going up and hitting people. Ah, poor bastard. This week on Home Improvement, Tim asked Wilson for advice. I don't know, he became Borat.

It's like, you know what, from now on he's Borat for the rest of the show. I don't know. He became Borat. It's a Borat. He said, fuck. He said, you know what? From now on, he's Borat for the rest of the show. I don't care. I come to country to get my own Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Oh, I buy him. I buy a JTT.

Very funny, right? They put it in house. He come down and told me go back to the room. I say, clean up room. It's mess he says not as much as your life i say you got a point then i leave very funny i would watch that i would watch a polish immigrant yes tell jonathan taylor thomas to clean his room is that his name yeah okay i don't know why i wanted to call it something i was so

jealous of that kid i had the best hair oh man all the girls wanted to kiss him what's he doing now oh my god jesus christ i'm sure he does he's got or he's just sitting back laughing counting yeah home improvement money syndicationing syndication money, yeah. He probably got paid a lot more money for that show than Pamela fucking Anderson. His parents robbed him. Either one. Yeah. His parents fucking robbed him, boy. A world star video at three o'clock in the morning, fighting with another crackhead, waiting

for NFL films to narrate it. The washed up sitcom star. I'd watch that. No one has more anger pumping through their veins exploding out of their fists than a washed up child actor i'll bet he is crushing it he's probably he's doing great i'm sure fucker out of all of them he had to do like two chevy chase movies i think so that's bad one of them i think was hurt him and farrah faucet maybe chevy chase and farrah faucet which is two of the crazier people in hollywood that had. That's child abuse putting them in there.

So anyway, Sebastian is having a good time learning English from Tim the Tool Man Taylor. He's just going, I see show. I wonder what's the deal? This poor bastard, man. He's still he's not. I mean, they say he was acting from 2013 to 2016 he's the same age as i am yeah that is wild yeah yeah yeah i had no fucking idea well that's good you were jealous of him for the right reasons right reasons was kicking my ass there he was

he was he was crushing it jimmy voice of the lion king oh yeah i forgot about that little prick he made you a little prick. Fuck Tool Time money. He's got Lion King money. That's maybe why he's relaxing now. Probably. So fuck acting. Why would I do that? I am Simba.

Macaulay Culkin, I know for a fact, does the same thing. He doesn't do what he doesn't feel like doing. Doesn't have to. He said he fired his agents. He does all that. He goes, he makes his own movies. He doesn't care. He picks something he likes and goes, yeah, let's do it.

He does stuff with the Red Letter Media guys on YouTube, the best of the worst. He goes, he makes his own movies. He doesn't care. He picks something he likes and goes, yeah, let's do it. He does stuff with the red letter media guys on YouTube. The best of the worst. He has his own like YouTube thing. Like he just fucks around. He said, I have enough money. Yeah. Do whatever the fuck I want. There's never been a child star who I wanted to be more friends with than Macaulay Culkin.

He is the most, he's so fucking like adjusted to everything. He's just like, yeah, you know, he's like, like i i know what i did and i have enough money and i do what the fuck i want and i you know life is great and he's a happy motherfucker like he's not one of these guys who is like oh i could have been robert de niro you know what i mean i should still be acting he's like if i see something i like i'll do it if not man what the hell who gives the shit i live in la and i have tons of. And he was even good when he was an adult. He was good in Saved. Did you ever see Saved?

No, but I saw Party Monster, one of the best movies I've ever seen. He's great in Party Monster. His performance is amazing. But in Saved, he's fucking hilarious. Really? Dude, he's hilarious. I believe it. It's that Mandy Moore movie, but it's not that. It's making fun of all the Christian kids at school.

And Mandy Moore's the lead one and all the rest of them are like jesus rolling their eyes at her and macaulay culkin's like one of their is mandy moore's little brother who's in a wheelchair and he's just such a sullen little fucker and he finds him like a reason to be mad he finds some like dirty chick who like they go out drinking and fucking and everything and he's like just smoking all the time and he's it's fucking awesome man he's really good at it he smokes like a bastard oh yeah he's always drinking booze on youtube and shit he's he's living his life he's having a good time smokes like a mother good for you i think he said in a news article that he was up to like four packs a day okay

that's a little like he's a lot that's too much he doesn't stop smoking that's too much he smokes a lot that's just too much i think i don't, it may have had a problem in, played a problem in his relationship with Mila Kunis, I think. I'm not sure. I think that's what I read, was that he was smoking so much that they had to, like, take a break. And he chose camels over Mila. I was going to say, he's always taking a break for a cigarette.

He's like, I'll be back in a minute. And when you're... Four packs a day. You're always on a cigarette break. And when you're coking, you can do that. I guess you can be like, I'll be back in a minute. Oh, you don. You're always on a cigarette break. When you're Culkin, you can do that. I guess you can be like, I'll be back in a minute. Oh, you don't need. All right, I'll just leave then.

I don't know. Like, whatever. Do my thing. Think about that. Say Culkin to anybody. They know who you're talking about. He has a little brother. Oh, yeah.

And they still know who he's talking about. Yeah, but Karen. Come on. You're not. But nobody goes. You're not Kevin McAllister. Sorry. I mean, you're just not.

But he was there, too. He was standing right next to him. Doesn't matter. You're not. But nobody goes, you're not Kevin McAllister. Sorry. I mean, you're just not. But he was there too. He was standing right next to him. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Did he slap his hands on his face? He didn't. And say, ah,

no. And not even that, he was in Uncle Buck, which is even fucking, that's where it was really where you started seeing it was Uncle Buck. He was fucking hilarious

when he was sitting there grilling John Candy. Yeah. He's great. Okay. We should do an episode about Macaulay Culkin. Just because he's amazing. He's just a cool guy We should do an episode about Macaulay Culkin. Just because he's amazing.

He's just a cool guy. We'll suck his dick for 30 minutes. Good dude. I want to be his best friend. I know. Seems like a good dude. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia.

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Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back.

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Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline

for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie.

So, yeah, anyway, he ends up emigrating to the United States. He comes in and... Sebastian, not Macaulay. Sebastian, not Macaulay. Macaulay's always lived here. So, Sebastian comes in. I see Home Alone on TV. Show me Aftershave.

Don't be afraid of old man just because he looks scary. Might be sensitive inside. Breaking old man's heart. Don't break old man's heart. Call your father on Christmas. Yeah, he comes over he moves to orlando how old is he at this point his teens okay he's like 15 yeah and uh leaves the polish national soccer team and all that um to try to make it over here come over here and he his mother stays in poland by the way so he comes over with his dad. And yeah, he plays a little bit of soccer over here,

plays for the Orangewood Christian Academy. It's a private school there. I'm sure they recruited him. And plays there, leads them to the Class A state championship game by scoring 15 goals, which is good there. Not too shabby. He lives with his father and stepmother in orlando at that point which is that's tough that's tough yeah nobody wants to live in orlando eastern block or orlando jesus

christ it's so tough to go oh you can't go underground in orlando you can have it your way but so much trash you can't have people your way unfortunately nothing else people wear cut off shorts and no shirt all the time and men with flip-flop all all all dime sound is so weird such a strange place so yeah they he ends up joining an under 19 soccer team called the orlando lions and he's coached by a guy named Angelo Rossi, who was an Argentinian soccer star in his younger days. Angelo Rossi. There is a shitload of Italian people in Argentina, by the way.

Argentina has the second most Italian people next to Italy. Is that right? Abso-fucking-lutely. It's Italy, then Argentina. I mean, it seems... Tons of them. In my head, I see, like, yeah, that makes sense. Well, it was a closer trip to south america too i think so a lot of them went to south america there's also climate similar similar a lot

of things down there too it's a spanish and italian people mix easily and the language is not the language is similar the food is similar a lot of it's similar the cultures are very similar it's just very similar if you see like see the a to b you just go to spain and go to italy it's pretty close pretty fucking close i mean it's not there isn't that much of a difference and then it just gets hairier as you get toward greece so you should go that way but yeah there's not much of a fucking difference uh venezuela too there's a lot of italians there i can see that they moved there back in the day and then obviously i don't think i hope they don't still want to be there, because Venezuela is a fucking disaster now. It's a mess right now, yeah.

It's a little bit of a communist dictatorship. A smidge of a quagmire. Yeah, it's a bit of a mess. So, anyway, Rossi is also the soccer coach at Seabreeze High School in Daytona Beach, Florida, and convinces Henrik that his son should play high school soccer. Because if he plays high school soccer, he'll be seen by colleges. And this is good for him, obviously. So he agreed, but Henrik wouldn't move to Daytona Beach. He wanted to stay in Orlando.

So what does he do? So he sends Janikowski to move in with Rossi and his family. Oh, boy. How many times have we seen this? How many times have we seen this how many times have we seen people just like if their kid has athletic prowess they just give them away yeah i mean i get it if you're you know it's a better future for the kid and all that but you could try to just move there too yeah like also if you love that kid and you want them to have the best things in life haven't you heard what what weirdos do when they take you

away from you yeah yeah well luckily rossi wasn't a weirdo he was worthy thankfully yeah thankfully he's not a weirdo way worse oh it could have been horrible yeah florida have you not heard that it's crazy down there jesus christ yeah give your kid they could have sold him for christ's sake or something into a some sort of cocaine ring at best yeah in the best case scenario yeah so he loved soccer he said this is here's janikowski said quote soccer was my life it's in my blood i want to see what he said at the time when somebody talked to him at a high school newspaper there and uh he thinks about also some of his his friends from high school that he meets and kids that uh that you know rossi's you know like the soccer kids say why don't you try to play

football as well right like you should try football and he was like i don't really know anything about football he said i do nothing about the plays i didn't know what was going on i didn't know shit about football all i knew was you know tackles happen in slow motion and it's very very mesmerizing. There's a lot of music playing. It's very weird. It's really weird. But that announcer's pretty cool.

If I could have him just narrating my life, things would be fine. So the school's football coach also tries to recruit him. He comes to try. He never kicked a football before. Just, you know, comes to try out and see what he can do. You know, he's wearing jeans and sneakers and shit he doesn't have a football outfit and he doesn't know he's like i'll just give this a shot and uh he does by immediately kicks the ball they're like holy shit what the fuck is that

we'll take him yeah you can apparently uh when you kickers it's the same as a as you can hear a ball hitting a glove in baseball a good coach can hear a ball hit a glove in baseball. A good coach can hear a ball hit a glove and turn around and go, what the fuck was that? Who was that? Yeah. They know the sound of it, whereas kicking's the same way.

A certain boom on the ball, they go, whoa, hold on a second here. What the shit is going on? That makes sense, because I've heard it. Playing soccer, you can hear a good kicker versus somebody that has a day job

and drinks a lot of beer and is doing this for fun. Exactly. Is doing this to not punch their wife. a good kicker yeah versus somebody that's you know has a day job and drinks a lot of beer and is doing this for exactly he's doing this to not punch their wife yeah this is different and you could fucking tell it's different yeah he just kicks the shit out of the ball in high school he uh he kicks four field goals over 50 yards in his senior year in a game in a game in games which is in high school i don't know if you've ever watched a high school football game, but an extra point is it's an adventure. An extra point is, I mean, it's planes, trains, and automobiles, man.

Crazy shit could happen there. That's hitting somebody's car in the parking lot. Maybe. If the parking lot's over to the sideline, maybe, because it's not going through the uprights. It's behind the bleachers. And a 35-yard field goal or something is just like, I mean, we'll give it a shot, I guess. But it's very unlikely it's going to happen.

Very unlikely. That ball's landing on the goal line, and we all know it. You have to snap and then get a hold right at the same time as a guy running up, kicking it, while other people are trying to block it. We're not doing this as children. And this guy that's about to kick it is thinking about that d he just got on his history that's the other thing and he also is like the safety but they said we need a kicker so here he is meanwhile if you have like a good kicker like this it's a completely different game if you have a real kicker so uh he drilled 450s four more 50 over over 50 yards one of them was for 60 yards unreal which was third best in

florida high school history wait there were two more that were better that were better in high school history in florida that's that's the part that freaked me out i was like holy shit who are those guys yeah uh during a practice uh he kicked an 82 yard field goal in practice so he's got all the leg in the world like he can kick the ball for fucking miles and we won't talk a lot about kicking after this probably it'll be mostly about him being an asswipe great but i mean you know so you gotta do something so he uh he's heavily recruited by just about everybody he's one of the top kickers in the in the nation it only takes one year of doing it they only have to see you kick twice and they're like they want

to recruit you they don't care you don't speak english no problem the only reason it takes a year is because you got to finish that year to get back into the next year for college that's it so yeah he is a usa today uh all-american team in 1996 so he can't even speak english but he's an all-american look at this fucking guy good for you all-american doesn't speak the language good for him man right yeah so he's doing his thing like i said he's recruited by tons of different colleges every powerhouse you can think of is recruiting him everybody needs a good kicker in college college is the same way kicking is an adventure in college except for once in a while there's decent kickers here and there but i mean out of there's 120 division one schools there's like eight good kickers and the rest it's like fingers crossed it's a 38 yarder

it's not a given you know by any stretch of the imagination now there's several reports here i don't know if this is true or not but several reports that an argentinian soccer club tried to sign him out of high school to play soccer. Really? Yes, based on a lot of things, including Rossi knowing him and everything. And it was a two-year contract worth about $1.8 million. He has that sitting there. Is the rumor here coming out of high school, but he also is being recruited to play football. And the way he looks at it, he said that he didn't.

The problem was with football. It's harder because he doesn't speak very good English and it's hard to be with his friends. But if he goes to Argentina, they don't speak Polish either. So he's like, that's a kind of a toss up. He speaks more English than anything they're speaking there. So he's thinking about that and also he thinks if he's here and if he can get this going if he can actually have a career in football he can bring his mom over here as well as another thing so you know there's something he's thinking about

they asked him about it when he got recruited for college and he says quote it's just kicking you know i'm sure he didn't say it that clearly but No, he did not. But he said, it's just kicking, you know? He said, it's nothing different for me. I mean, it's simple for me. Maybe not for everybody else, but it's simple for me. That's the way it is. That's the way it is. Can you imagine just having raw-ass talent like that?

You're just like, I don't know. Confidence. I kicked the fucking ball. I don't know. Maybe not easy for everyone, but easy for me. Simple. I don't know what Maybe not easy for everyone, but easy for me. Simple. I don't know what everyone else do in mind and kick ball wrong way into parking lot and break Buick windshield.

Not me. Right. I kick through upright. Right. And I saw that I aim for a girl I like and stand and she catch and I say, hello there. And I'm so good at it. I'll turn down $2 million. I don't give a fuck.

Yeah. At the chance at doing this shit for real. Yeah. One of the coaches for the colleges that were recruiting him said, quote, this kid's as good as I've ever seen. Grace. Really? Let's call it Grace because his career is great. But just him as a human being just really devolves quickly from here.

He really gets into the American like kind of uh i'm hot shit lifestyle like real quick yeah which the second he comes over here he's a star in soccer and then he's like this nationally touted football player yeah so he's got like this oh i'm wonderful like america's easy exactly america's easy i'm wonderful. America's easy. Exactly. America's easy. I'm wonderful. Why is everybody bitching? What the fuck is so hard here? I don't know why it's so hard for you. Simple for me.

I kick the ball. Why can't everyone take ball? Kick 60 yards through thing. I don't know what you call things like H and U. I don't know. The second I landed, they put me on a team. Then they put me on another team. Now I'm on a team. Then they put me on another team. Now I'm on this team.

Then they begged me to be on teams. They just keep begging me for shit. I don't even really have to try out so much. I'm so good at America. They're giving me $2 million to leave it. I love it. I'm good at America. Like America's a fucking game.

I'm so good at America. I'm good at America. That's fucking amazing. That's what he is is you could say that about a lot of people just be like you know what he's good at america that's the truth really just jeff bezos just figures he knows how to play america i guess he's just good at america playing so long he's just he's good at it peyton manning's good at america you know what i mean that lebron is excellent at america he's really good at it michael jordan is's good at America. You know what I mean? That LeBron is excellent at America. He is really good at it. Michael Jordan is master of America.

He's master of America. He's excellent at it. We're only talking about sports figures. Imagine if we got into business people and politicians and shit. Johnny Depp has downfalls. Pretty good at America. Pretty good at America. So good he doesn't even live here anymore.

He moved to fucking France. He's good at France, too. He's in every country. He's such a douchebag such a douchebag really god he's a douchebag can you imagine breaking up with sarah and then plastering into the news no she shit the bed no that's insane no he's a fucking asshole yeah i'm sorry talk about that i mean they're they're both firing shots but it's still like that one's pretty dirty you two are both bad people but i think he's worse i don't know why i don't know why but i think he's worse and i say that as a man who has fully divulged my ex peeing in my bed that is much different you weren't married to her no that's

true yeah and you never gave her name out yeah that's true she's just bed puddle that's what i mean you pee in my bed that's one thing but you shit it yeah that's crazy we're not you're you've never mentioned you've never outed bed puddle i've never outed fart girl keep that stuff under keep it under wraps these nicknames are enough i'm not gonna ruin your life nope so sebastian chooses to go to college and play football where does he choose to go to college where well let's see if you're a douchebagbag and you're a quintessential douchebag and you're like, I want to go to the place where the douchebags go. No, no, no, no. You see a light? No, no, no.

Think trashier. Oh, trash? Think plastic cups. Oh, Jesus. Alabama? Florida State. There you go. Florida State.

The Arizona State of the East. Get to those Seminoles. Let's see. I swear to God, those should be sister schools. I mean, they got similar colors. The same idiots go to both of them, too. No offense to anyone who goes there, but if you went there and then listened to this show, you're probably smarter and went, God, these people are fucking morons when you went there.

Those are the people we're talking about. Right. Idiots. Idiots. So, yeah, they're both known as, you know, fall asleep in the yard in a pool of your own vomit schools. With your genitals out. With your genitals out. No matter what sex you are, your your own vomit schools. With your genitals out. With your genitals out.

No matter what sex you are, your genitals are out. With your genitals out. And then you go, what? And there's some poop on them, and you're not sure how it got there, or whose it is. And they're like, what's the problem? What do you mean, what's the problem? You're the fucking problem.

Let me just clean the puke off my chin, and I'll get going. Then I'll get, give me my keys, and let me clean the puke off my chin, and I'll going and then i'll get it give me my keys and let me clean the puke off my chin and i'll drive away stop wasting your parents money jesus yeah yeah it's worthless you're not gonna graduate what are you doing if you do what are you doing down there come on so and if you graduate whatever degree you have is the easiest one offered and they're gonna go florida state eh i thought I smelled it. Unless it's another Florida State alum. Right. And they high five and pull out the keg and they start doing keg stands.

I was going to say, they can talk about it. You've got this job. Now, did you ever shit your pants and pass out on the lawn of that frat house? I did. Wow, yeah, it's a great lawn. It's the softest of all the frat house lawns. Jesus. He goes there.

He goes to Florida State to play for Bobby Bowden, who's a complete asshole, redneck, old fart. He's good at it. Oh, he's good at being a redneck asshole, old fart, but he's still a redneck asshole, old fart. So I remember when I was a kid just hating that guy. He's the type of guy I just, as you're, you know, if you're a kid and you're rebellious and he's just this old son fart and go out there and play football. He's like, fuck you.

Hated that guy. So the team, though, is great this year. They're 11 and one. This is this is when Florida State was really in their dominant years here. Pretty goddamn good. 11 and one. They're the they rank third in the final poll. So not too bad.

I would say they go all the way to the Sugar Bowl and play Ohio State and beat them 31-14. How about that? So pretty good year. Finished third overall. Not too shabby. Sebastian, on the other hand here, does pretty well for his freshman year. He plays in all 11 games. Not too bad.

He's 37 for 39 in extra points, which for college is great. And he does 16 to 21 in field goals, which is great for a freshman kicker. They're thrilled with him. He says, this is good here, and this is almost like a Matty Nicanon thinking about pussy except the opposite, because his brain is

completely clear. He says, everybody always asks me what I think about when I kick. I don't really know what's going on in my mind. I think about how good at America I am. I don't know. I say, America easy. I kick ball far.

Poof. See it fly? I am America. That's awesome. That's all he has to do is come in a few times a game, kick a ball, and you're great at America. This is a fascinating episode for me, too, because he should still be playing. Well, he's like 42 now. Yeah, he still has at least 12 more years to go.

Yeah. Is that Morton Anderson, for Christ's sake? Or fucking, God, who's the other guy? Another Anderson? No, it was Morton, but then the Lowry was the other one. Nick Lowry kicked for fucking ever. He was like 51 when he was done. For the other one. Nick Lowry kicked for fucking ever. He was like 51 when he was done. For the Giants, too, that played for fucking ever.

Punters and kickers. Fegels played until he was like 49. He's a punter. But yeah, punters even less. You don't come in, punt, nobody touches you. Not allowed. Not allowed. Stay away.

Get away, fucker. He didn't want anybody to. No. At least he wore shoes, Janikowski, unlike other guys who used to have one bare foot and he's running around trying to tackle people. Rich Carlos on the Broncos in the 80s. Running around in the snow trying to tackle people. You have one shoe on.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Someone's going to step on your fucking unshoed foot in the snow. He's given my wife reasons for me to have to take the trash out when it's snowing. He's doing it. You can do it too. You're fine. He's a weirdo i don't know he's european or something probably so uh he said a quote this is a coach of his quote

he's filled with confidence it's great to see that he has the most brimming with confidence his coach continued quote he's mentally prepared to do what he's doing he's very sure he wants to go out there so he's got no reason to not be no he just everything's been given to do what he's doing he's very sure he wants to go out there so he's got no reason to not be no he just everything's been given to him well they did just easy he's good at what they ask him to do yeah and so that's all they ask him to do kick the ball i kick ball i can't imagine and then good yeah girls have sex with me okay people give money. Girls have sex. Drugs. Wonderful. They give me college. America.

Very nice. Very good. Very good at America. So 1998 comes around here. July of 98. So it's the summer before his sophomore season here. And he's hanging out in Tallahassee, of course, as everyone in Florida State does. And he apparently gets into a bit of a scuffle in the bar,

and he is thrown out of this bar and asked never to return, if possible. What year is this? This is 98. By my count, he's not allowed in that bar. He's not 21. No, not at all. It's Florida State, though. It's around Florida State.

So, I mean, come on. It's in his dorm. I mean, date rape's a gray area, probably, in this bar. Like, in the bar. Like, in the main area. Like, in the dorm. I mean, date rape's a gray area probably in this bar. Like, in the bar. Like, in the main area. Like, in the booth. There's one booth that it's not allowed in. The girl's nodding off and they're like,

you're good with this, right? Thumbs up. Carry on. She just goes, eh. Take this shot if you're okay. And we're not saying, we're not making fun of date rape. We're making fun of Tallahassee. For being okay with this. Women run. fun of tallahassee for being okay with this women run run from tallahassee out of there so uh he's thrown out asked never to return

of course a month later he returns yeah obviously uh so he is charged with uh failing to leave the premises and all this type of shit he returns gets into a fight outside the bar is the problem so yeah there's an issue when he's uh you know he's charged with uh with not failing to leave a premises a couple other charges little things like that disorderly conduct he pleads no contest to it he's fined 295 dollars it's a misdemeanor doesn't affect his immigration status or anything like that because he's not a citizen yet he's still just looks shitty yeah it just doesn't look great in the newspaper, you know, for him. But I mean, and it's they blow it off as boys will be boys.

That guy in a bar having a fight with another guy who cares. Blah, blah, blah. They just blow it off like that. It's 1998. It's 98. Yeah, it's not. They're not really looking that hard. I mean, they are because it's kind of picky.

But Florida State is not one of those places. Florida State is a very boys will be boys type of place, especially back then. So November 21st, 1998, I mean, they still, Jameis Winston, that just fucking happened. And they're just like, eh, they kind of shrug their shoulders on it. So November 21st, 1998, he gets into another fight with outside a bar, time with a florida state cheerleader a male cheerleader oh yeah he doesn't go punch some little blonde chick in her face or anything good which is helpful sebastian's like six two over 200 pounds yeah and during when he gets heavier he's 250 260 did he get that oh yeah he got real big for a while but i mean uh that's late in his

career but in here he's 220 225 he's But in here, he's 220, 225. He's a fucking big guy. He's got legs like tree trunks. His goddamn thighs are the size of your torso. Waist down is two cheerleaders. Oh, he's a huge person. I mean, you can see his legs are. It's clear that he'd be able to kick a football based on his legs.

He's wearing lineman pants. Oh, yeah. Big time. He has to be. So he gets into a fight here, like I said with a male florida state cheerleader which is just weird if he's cheering for him one minute and then they're fighting another minute what do you what was that fight over you think i'm sure there was some fun words being thrown about right so polish accent some man kissing slurs he's just yelling fucking uh home improvement lines at him

just like growling i said clean your room jonathan taylor thomas the fuck are you talking about bro how crazy is that that guy had a catchphrase that was a growl yeah he sucks so bad. But think about it. He's Zanikowski, though. He's like, you burst in bar, come through door like Kramer, like I'm supposed to be happy you're here. Now you want to fight me?

It's all 90s sitcoms. It's all he does is watch TV and get shit from that. He's like, you come in here like we are all friends and you are Joey and Chandler and Monica. And I am Rachel waiting for you. But I am not Rachel waiting for you. How dare you call me Rachel? I kill you. And then there was a big fight, I assume.

Right. The guy's like, fuck is he talking about? Who's Rachel? Ow. Right. Fucking guy's crazy so uh the fsu cheerleader's name is mauricio uh cologne so mauricio cologne and uh jesus christ these two are fucking fighting apparently they punched each other outside of the bar here uh this is after fsu beat florida

23 12 so you think a cheerleader and a guy would be... This should be a smile night. This should be happy. Instead, they're punching each other in a bar. And yeah, that's how it works there. But the Genachowski doesn't care about that. They end up not filing any charges against anybody. Really?

Prosecutor looks into it and they said, ah, boys will be boys. You know how they are out there fighting each other. You know how it goes when they start calling each other Rachel and things get out of hand. How dare you move to Melrose Place and tell me. The cheerleader got punched, but he got to slap him back, so it's fine. The cheerleader said something and Janikowski said, whatever, as if. I don't know.

It is 98 it's not yeah hysterical you are a loser and he puts an l on his head you're such a loser hold on i don't want to fight i don't want to I don't want to ruin this wonderful Sugar Ray song that is playing over the speakers right now. Wait, wait. I just want to. Don't you want to fly? I want to fly. That throws in a not joke. Yeah. Not. Not. Not. Hey, right? And somebody yells, kick his ass, sea bass.

That's an ugly time. We'll find out. It's just an episode if i remember the 90s and we're like what happened bad times bad times and while everyone was doing this they all had clothes on that were eight sizes too big way too big way too big but comfortable yes oh so comfortable how crazy what are we doing as a society i'm. I'll get back to Janikowski in a minute. But what are we doing where my jeans make my balls crush? Right. Where literally every move is a ball crushing adventure. Right.

And we had clothes that were just fucking comfortable. Yeah. And everybody agreed, we'll all just wear this. Right. And say it looks nice and be comfortable. And instead. We're going to cinch our pants up. No.

Not just from the ankle to the waist. Everything tight so that I look like a fucking pot roast. Everything that I've got too much spilling out everywhere. Why the fuck am I doing this? It's not fair. You can't carry anything in your pockets either, Jimmy. I have these tight ass jeans and this giant ass phone. Where am I supposed to put this shit?

I've got to walk around with it. That's how it works now. And it's fragile as fuck. And if I drop it costs me three hundred dollars sure let's do that can we have baggy clothes back if you're a designer or anybody did baggy or little baggy because we've gone as tight as we can go yeah well it's got it if you want to sell any more pants you're gonna have to go the other way with them at this point start fucking loosening them now in about three years we're gonna have like like fucking Jankos back. That's too much, by the way.

Then we'll start tightening them back up. That's it. Then we'll cinch them back down. It's fascinating. We had those jeans with the waist fit, but nothing else.

No. And then the waist didn't fit either. No? No. Yours didn't fit you? No. I had a 36 with a,

or a 34, 32. I wore like a 31 waist. I had like a 36 pants I was wearing. They didn't fit. I wore, the waist was smaller than the fucking barrel of the pant leg. I had like a 36 pants I was wearing. The waist was smaller than the fucking barrel of the pant leg. I guess, yeah. It was all giant pants. Bizarre.

This is not tight. I had a triangle happening downstairs. It looked like a dress. Why was I wearing a big skirt? I don't know. Two of them. Each leg has its own skirt. No shit, Jesus. So Janik janikowski though he's enjoying this he says to

a newspaper the tallahassee democrat he says quote it feels good that people know you the first time i came here people would say oh that's the kicker but now when i walk down the street people talk to me and it's fun i like that now by the, he's pretty much known for a lot of people say like he would go to bars and sit kind of by himself and drink and not really want to talk to anybody. He came up to him and be like, hey, dude, what's up? He'd be like, go away. You know, I am drinking now. But then why go to a bar?

That's to find a woman he likes. I maybe I have no idea because he likes his ladies. Now, 1998, Florida State is 11 and two 2 they are third in the final polling again they lose in the fiesta bowl this year to tennessee 23 16 so yeah that's uh you know whatever not too shabby though um that's all right they end up uh uh in uh sebastian though has a a good year. He has 42 for 43 in field and extra points. 27 of 32 in field goals. So an excellent year for him. You can see the strategy that they're beginning to put into play.

Yeah. Yeah. If we can't get the touchdown, I don't care where we are on the field. Go kick it. Well, yeah, that's the thing. That's the it's a weapon to have on the football field. If you don't have to go for it, you know, we can actually make a 44 yard field goal. Let's just make it rather than fucking having to go for it on fourth down.

So he ends up being a consensus all America on the all American team and the 1998 Lou Groza award winner. What is that? You don't know Lou Groza, Jimmy? No. Jesus, you don't have the lou groza shoes i don't and the lou groza i have no idea who lou groza was but it's an award given to the nation's top kicker every position has their own award like linebackers the butt kiss award and they all have

their own award and apparently this is the top kicker inuary of 99 he is arrested for underage alcohol possession what is he he's got two more months left he loves drinking oh boy he likes drinking things that aren't even alcohol yeah as we'll find out he likes drinking drugs he likes drinking everything so uh he ends up being arrested for underage alcohol possession, and he ends up pleading no contest to that. And he is fined $215. And you, sir, may fuck off. Sentenced to a day of collecting garbage along the road. Florida?

That's in January. That's not even going to stop anything. You won't even notice that you did anything. I was going to say, you could litter out there, and they'd be like, at least. That's not even going to stop anything. No. You won't even notice that you did anything. I was going to say, you could litter out there, and they'd be like, good job. Right. There'd be more shit there. Great job, son. Just bring your own trash bag already full.

Yeah. We got all this stuff. All right. That's good. So that's what he does here. So 1999 rolls around with Florida State. This time, they are 12-0 this year. Really?

Yeah, this is pretty wild. 12-0. They're number one overall, obviously. They go on to blow out Virginia Tech in the Sugar Bowl, 46-29. So, yeah. Was that Michael Vick? It must have been. I think 99.

Yeah, it had to be Michael Vick, Virginia Tech. Right. So, yeah. They beat the shit out of them in the Sugar Bowl, 46-29. And they are national champions. Wow. So, that is pretty wild there. His senior year?

Senior year. Well, he's a junior, technically. Oh, okay. Yeah, he's a junior. But he's not going to stay after this. Okay. I wouldn't either. Fuck no.

Jesus Christ. This is nowhere to go. Yeah. This is fucking... Best kicker in the country and national champ. Goodbye. Bye. See you later.

Yeah, that's what I mean. You're looking great here. And national champ. Goodbye. See you later. Yeah, that's what I mean. You're looking great here. In fall of 1999, or during this here, they talked to Sports Illustrated, and they talked to him about, you know, maturing and whatever.

And he says, I'm more grown up. Sure, I got drunk and into fights, but I was younger. This was literally six months ago that this was going on. You're literally 20. Yeah. You son of a bitch i was younger i i understand my life now and my role on planet earth he says i drink less now i say no i drink less now yeah now i've stopped drinking that's not saying i don't get as hammered as i

used to he says my life is moving on and i realize what i can have so yeah in other words i really want to get paid so i'm going to say the right shit for now yeah but i'm going to get hammered when i go out and if someone pisses me off i'm gonna hit him yeah so uh i'm not 21 yeah so uh he's good now is basically what he's saying he's all fine unfortunately though like a couple weeks after that he misses curfew before a big uh a bowl game which isn't a great thing but bobby bowden just joked about it and said that's fine yeah i don't care i'll find him no one else is gonna kick 50 yard field goals and then in the big in the big national championship games so fuck it so uh yeah that wasn't smart of him but he's uh 47 of 47 on extra points that year and 23 or 30 on field goals but he's kicking some long ones and uh he's a

1999 all-american consensus and 1999 lou groza award winner again again he is the only player ever to win the award two years in a row back to back still to this day the only guy to ever do that so that's pretty impressive i guess he was good from day one of getting to fucking america second he kicked the football they were like yep just like that that guy will do literally they So that's pretty impressive, I guess. He was good from day one of getting to fucking America. Second he kicked the football, they were like, yep, just like that. That guy will do. Literally, they were like, no problem. Just do that over and over again and everything will be fine.

Yeah, absolutely. One of his coaches later on is saying, well, at first, he's a little resistant to come to this slower and put your leg. But once he got it, though, after the first day when you just told him slow to your approach, then worked out fine okay jesus christ and kickers are so flighty i mean they're like relief pitchers they can go bad at any minute and flake out and you never know you change one thing about their kick and it's all ruined oh yeah well they can miss one kick at a bad time it fucks with their head and then they're fucked forever it's a kicker's a weird position it's not normal you need to almost need a meathead like this who says i don't know what people think about i think about nothing that's what you need this guy just goes i see ball i kick ball there's no do you think that rattles around in his head like

the last one he missed no i don't think he even fucking remembers he missed a kick there's probably only like nine of them anyway yeah but i mean he could be like 10 years in his career you to talk about that do you have a problem with missed kicks and he'd be like i missed like one in the entire career i don't know i think perfect i do i do fine he wouldn't even fucking know that he missed a kick he's so cocky it doesn't even matter um so uh bowden said about him quote boy have you ever thought about uh have you ever thought about how many national championships we might have if we had Janikowski every year of my career?

Because a kicker makes a difference in a lot of close games here. So he decides after this, though, his junior year, that he's going to leave school early after his junior year and go to the NFL. He tells the newspapers the most convenient thing for that. Not, I'd like to go make a lot of money now. He says that he wants to turn pro so he can have his mother join him from Poland, which I'm sure is true.

It's the right words. It's also the right words to say here. Okay, now this brings us to January of 2000. This is right after the season's over. Beginning of 2000. April's the NFL draft, so he wants to be drafted. So you'd think he'd be trying to keep a low profile here. I'd just be stretching my leg every day.

No, he does the opposite of that. He goes out January of 2000. He's arrested. This is so fucking dumb. He's at the Grove nightclub here, and there's a dispute. I guess an officer, Chris Knight, is working as an off-duty he's off-duty but he's working as a bouncer here so the club told this night guy that janikowski was welcome but that his friends were not welcome in the place apparently that's the how this went so uh this

night guy told janikowski's roommate a guy named a Silverman, that he had to leave to leave the Grove nightclub. I'm sorry. Silverman refused. And after several warnings, this guy took him into custody. Basically, he fucking cuffed him up. So Janikowski fucking moron. He approaches this cop as the guy's doing paperwork in his patrol car. Okay. And he asked a few questions.

Now he's talking, you you know what's going on basically he's he's being arrested yeah where do i find him later that sort of shit right so this guy's just doing his report answering questions for janikowski and he said the cop said when he looked up again quote janikowski was smiling and counting out money so he said janikowski stepped back to the car and said how much and so the cop was like what are you said, Janikowski, step back to the car and said, how much? And so the cop was like, what are you talking about? Janikowski offered him $300

to let his friend go. He's like, he's counting out money. 300 bucks enough? Come on, let him go. Yeah, he's like,

come on. He's a college kid. This is all I got. This is NFL money here. Catch me in like six months and I can get you back. But he's trying to fucking bribe a

cop to let his friend go with 300 with 300 which is just dumb pay half your car payment i mean dude huh come on electric bill come on what come on taylor swift is soaring high her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show, Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time.

And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So, it's a third-degree felony, bribery, and he's charged with it. He's charged with bribery of attempted bribery of a

police officer, which isn't good. He's put in jail. He's released on a $1,000 bail. If found guilty, he faces up to five years in prison, a $5,000 fine, and deportation. Holy shit. Yeah.

Don't try to bribe cops, apparently. Unless you're the mafia and you've got a shitload of money. Well, if you're going to do it, make it so they're definitely going to take it. If you say, here's $100,000, he's probably not going to turn you in. But if $300, he's like, fuck this idiot. It might be funny just to put you in court for this. That's what I mean for this guy especially for this cocky fuck so uh april 15th 2000 is the nfl draft so i mean he's already been arrested

a few times now he's all he's he's a moron everything he does is stupid right he's a fucking idiot and that's so you know you would teams really really go out of their way to scout people and scout their personalities and make sure that they're not, you know, make sure. Embarrass us. Well, it's an investment, these players. And the more we go along, the bigger of an investment it is, especially in the first round, it's an investment.

So they look into it. And this year, the NFL Draft first player overall chosen, Jimmy? 99? It's a 2000 NFL draft. 2000. Shit. Was there a wide receiver? It was not.

Who was it? Courtney Brown. What? Courtney Brown. For the Browns. Yeah. Yeah. Defensive end?

Defensive end. Did not work out. No kidding. Huge bust. 19 career sacks. Blew his knee out, I think. I think that happened. Injured and shitty.

Number two overall, LeVar Arrington, though. He played forever. Good guy there. Chris Samuels, the tackle, number three. It was a great tackle for Washington forever. Peter Warwick, the receiver for Cincinnati for a long time. Number five, Jamal Lewis in Baltimore, which is a great pick. Corey Simon, the Philadelphia defensive tackle.

The Jones, Thomas Jones, the Cardinals picked. I remember he held out and everything. Yeah, because the Cardinals can't sign anybody because they're idiots. That was a thing for like six years. Yeah. Their first round. They would never sign them. Never sign.

They come in at the end of training camp and then have a bad rookie season. They're like, we don't get it. Our rookies always suck. I don't know why. I don't know why. It's weird. Maybe they don't know the plays. I don't know.

Number eight, Plaxico Burris. Oh. Overall, yeah. I like that guy. Me too. Before he fucking shot himself like a moron. Number nine overall, Brian Urlacher. No kidding.

Hall of Famer at this point. And you got your Ron Danes and your Delta O'Neils. He was good. He was really good. Julian Peterson, another great linebacker for San Francisco. Number 17 overall, the Oakland raiders select sebastian in the first fucking round what in the first round how many times has the kicker been i'll let you know here in a second holy shit now fuck if you're not a football fan you don't know this is extremely

rare this does you don't kick a kicker you do not pick a pick a kicker in the first round right there's a lot in the second round but that's because you can't pick one in the first round ever. You just don't do it. If you ever play fantasy football on a whim as a joke or just to see what it's about, your friends will tell you, you don't pick a kicker in the first round. Pick a kicker in the first 10 rounds. Never mind.

But in the NFL, you definitely don't pick a kicker in the first round they do after him was chad pennington sean alexander the really good running back there he was great fucking uh ahmed plumber was a good defensive back a bunch of decent guys here uh you know oh wow rj soured who actually remember his cousin was i think involved with lawrence phillips in some way was his cousin i don't know killed by something involved with Lawrence Phillips? That's possible. Something with RJ Sauer and Lawrence Phillips. There was four years ago the episode, but I can't remember.

It's been a minute. So now Janikowski is the fourth place kicker ever to be chosen in the first round of the draft. Wow. Fourth. It's happened once since then. I think it was Prater, possibly. It's a Prater or somebody else. He's a good kicker, but there's another one that has a real bad alcohol problem.

That's what happens. Fucking Prater. This is the first kicker to be drafted in the first round since 1979. Do you know who that was? No. You do, actually. Do I? Was it the kicker with the wooden foot?

No, it was Russell Erksleben, who was one of our old episodes episode around episode 40 or so that was the last only other kicker we've done in the last kicker to be drafted in the first round before jenny kowski not weird if you pick a kicker in the first round they will be on our show and it will be a fuck up that's it that's it it happens before that the last time it happened before 79 was, was 1966. It was Charlie Gogolak. What a name. He ended up having a big thing with him in the AFL and the NFL. A team signed him, and he was with the Bills, too. Long story with him.

So anyway, he goes. Stanikowski's drafted. Now, at Raider minicamp, right after he's drafted, all the reporters are talking to him, obviously, about maturity. And are you going to be being arrested constantly here or what? And he says that he has now learned from his mistakes. He is good now. As he signs with the Raiders.

I am good now, everyone. So he's good, correct? Good. Okay. June 15, 2000. He hasn't even been signed yet, by the way So he's good. Yeah. Correct. Good. Okay. June 15th, 2000. This is he hasn't even been signed yet, by the way. He's just been drafted his court for bribery. Wow.

Now he testifies on his own behalf. This is a fucking big deal. I mean, this like I said, this is prison time. This is a deportation. Right. This whole career is on the line here. You know, he's so he testifies on his own half he says that he was just trying to pay his friends fine right right now i just said do it right now

yes i thought he was the clerk and the thing that they say is like in poland when he grew up that's what you did it's like being in mexico right you quote i'll pay the fine now in other words i'll fucking here's a hundred bucks and get me the fuck out of here that's called bribery no he thought that's how it did you did it places and they don't give you a receipt i do in poland i think fine right tim tool time do he would do he say hey let al go tim would do that because there's a shitload of coke in the trunk. That's why. You let Al go.

He carrying cocaine for someone else, but not me. That's what happened. So, yeah, he says that he was just trying to pay his friend's bribe and he doesn't understand things. Meanwhile, he was in college for the last three fucking years. He understands things. He knows how it works. And he's been watching television. One thing, if you've ever watched television, you'll notice is you don't pay fines directly to a police officer during

arrest right that's never happened and he's been arrested three times and paid fines and he knows how that's works yeah send the cashier's check that's what i'm saying he's paid fines he knows the judge levies fines not the cops don't shake you upside down they shouldn't anyway i hope not your cash here he said the language barrier was you know i don't understand english anymore right i know yesterday but today a little shaky he's he does have a point too that the times that he was arrested before was by cops on duty so this off-duty guy may just pay right to him he might say okay i pay to you now the cop said when he testified apparently sebastian was tossing hundred dollar bills into the guy's lap and is this enough

is this enough doing that and so he said to janikowski are you trying to bribe me and janikowski responded okay which is the greatest foreigner response ever you're trying to bribe me okay fine that's fine that will do so he testified in court that he didn't know what bribery was he didn't know what that meant i don't get the i don't know the definition i don't know that word what that means uh so it's a six past six member jury it's like this little little whatever shrunken thing it's a legal version of uh kind of like a it's a quick little trial for things like this here uh he needed the jury needed 50 minutes to come back with a verdict of not guilty wow quit him of he paid that's how wow he went on and played the cute foreigner thing i don't know so much there were there

was only six of them james they had to spend the rest of that time being extra, extra furious. It'd be like extra, like really furious. So he, uh, yeah, he's, he gets acquitted of this,

which I think is wild. It's awesome. He says, I gave the cop money to get my friend out. The cop says he gave me money to get my friend out and like, not guilty. Okay, sure.

Fine. He just thought it was going to get a receipt. Oh, I don't know. Give me a receipt for that. Now, his agent, Paul Healy, who seems like a real asshole. Oh, I'm sure. He's a Jacksonville-based sports agent. Great deal.

Whoa. He ended up being the one that almost went to jail. As the verdict was being read, before the verdict was read, the judge warned people about outbursts. Obviously, they always do. But when it was read, the agent pumped his fist in the air and called the Raiders on his cell phone. Guys are not guilty. Acting like a fucking guy from Jacksonville. How many Polacks it takes to get free?

How many Polacks it takes to get acquitted in a jury trial one this fucking guy right right sebastian high five and the judge is like one more pull yeah hey judge how many pull locks are free today? One, that guy right there. Right there. Boom. Out of the jail. Let's go get some drinks.

What do you say? Let's go get some pussy. All right. Judge is like, I'm not done yet. How many Polacks it take to pay my mortgage? One, that guy. That guy right there. Let's go sign with the Raiders.

Yeah. He's off. I want a boat. That's a payday for me. One. That guy. That guy. Right there. Let's go sign with the Raiders. Yeah. He's off. I want a boat. Payday for me. Ha. Summer home. Moving to West Palm. Yeah.

Moving out of Jacksonville. Finally. Take my talents to South Beach. I'm going to live on that island that they all live on. So, yeah. The judge is not happy about this no so the judge asked the agent do you have any reason as to why you should not be cited for criminal contempt of court and the uh apparently the the agent just apologized profusely because the judge was literally a fucking gavel click from saying take him away in cuffs right which you're that's that's one thing about a judge if you're in the court and they go contempt get him

there's no arguing right there's no jury trial that's it we'll talk about this later yeah you're in jail till then though they're gonna just take you away so you don't want them to say that right or wrong you're fucked in that situation so finally uh the judge just sternly admonished him and told him get the fuck out of my courtroom while i finish this up you fucking moron you scummy jacksonville sports agent trash yeah so that's june 15th 2000 so let's go sign that contract relax none of this craziness well a week later june 21st 2000 he's arrested again oh my god and his agent's like what no no fuck god damn it i can't go back to court with you i'm not even allowed in the court the judge is gonna remember me i was a total dick i was like a special kind of asshole i know it's

florida but i was really over the top i was extra extra Florida that day. It was big time. It was big time. So he's arrested. The Lieutenant Linda Riley, who's a spokesperson person for the University of Florida, Florida State Police. Why are you hanging out there? Why is he still in college? I would have never. I'd never see the college again.

Get to Oakland. Go away. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. This was a told the Associ associated press that a plainclothes officer saw janikowski and two other men drive into a bar's parking lot then noticed one of them pouring a small amount of clear liquid into a container okay uh now the according to all this

report after the officer approached the car and identified himself janikowski allegedly poured the liquid onto the floor mat of the car which uh i mean hello officer we're just shampooing the mats tonight it's it's it's shampoo night i do it in the bar what you do is you put it in you go and you drink for a while you let it set and it takes all the stains out. That's how it works. The stain lister. Billy Mays here for OxyClean. For OxyClean. You got shitty floor mats in your car? I'll fix them. All right.

All right. I'm Polish Billy Mays. I'm Polish Billy Mays. I go to college for chemistry. I come up with formula. Takes you pour on carpet. It's spread on on. You don't have to do nothing. So anyway, they end up, you know, that's's the i don't know if you thought that was the end of the thing but the cops just

did a test kit thing and swabbed it and found out what it was they just swab it and then put it in the liquid find out what it is it's ghb what oh it's ghb get out of here oh yeah that's not good he's got date rape drugs uh yeah and he was getting it ready before he goes into a bar oh my god so they he was had it in a small cap. Yeah. And he was getting it ready before he goes into a bar. Oh, my God. He was had it in a small cap and he was. Yeah. He was preparing. What the fuck?

Smaller container to bring it into the fucking bar with him. How did he get an NFL career? That's what's going on here. He's got a fucking GHB on him. Now, as we've talked about with Chris Adams before and with other with wrestlers, sometimes they do it to themselves. Workout people are love ghb because it gives you apparently a very good rest and a very good recovery right to work out hard the next day that's the thing about it it makes you sleepy makes you sleepy and it's also pretty good fucking

high as well so they do it to themselves but three guys i don't hear anything about a workout i hear about three guys going into a bar right which that sounds like three wolves right finding an elixir right to make the sheep less fucking make the gazelle the sick gazelle a little more sick a little less resistant to being caught you know what i'm saying like or uh drugging to rape them in fucking more plain terms here they're not really so colloquial about it. This is ridiculous, man. So even whatever you're doing, you shouldn't have this shit. It's not good shit at all. And this shit will kill you if you take this much too much.

Right. I mean, it's the famous thing is you take this much. It's going to be the greatest thing ever. You take this much, you'll die. So it's right in there. You really got to be careful. And there's a hair fucking difference of that. And it's literally a hair difference you can kill somebody so um the two men with sebastian were

also arrested as well one of them was a guy named jay hoffman who's a former walk-on on the football team and another uh another one was some other guy here and uh his attorney jenikowski's attorney said bond was required for him uh but not the others because of jennikowski's criminal record it was made outside of a bar named pot bellies at 12 19 a.m yeah i don't think you're taking it for workout recovery at 12 19 a.m outside of a bar just a you know proving intent is tough there yeah but it sure doesn't look good for a guy that was just drafted yeah well either way that's not a legal drug to have so that's a good point i mean whether his intent was to do it to himself or not it's the same as if he had cocaine it's a controlled substance so it's either way you're fucked i

mean not that i give a shit if people do drugs that cocaine you're not going to drug someone and then do anything to them right you're just going to get high which is whatever whereas this is a different story this you can inflict on other people so you tend to not tend to be uncomfortable with this intent with this stuff can be real ugly one bad apple ruin the bunch throw it out nobody should have it at all no it's yeah this is not good at all so uh apparently it was a police officer working in joint patrol with city officers targeting alcohol violations around college area bars people drinking in their cars and bullshit like that fucking with college kids but they came across something different here and uh yeah because it's charged with possession of ghb and uh yeah not not good here he's uh he spends the night in

the jail he is released on a 2500 bond and uh janikowski's agent paul healy the fucking jacksonville jacksonville fist bumper silver as fuck here pumping his silver fisted hair up and down uh silver haired fist he says that uh he was out of his office he said the raiders had no he couldn't be reached for comment and the raiders had no comment as well they only said quote it's not appropriate to comment at this time he's not an american citizen and is potentially subject to deportation if convicted because of it is a felony. So, again, he could lose being here. Yeah. So he is also subject to evaluation under the league's policy on alcohol and drugs, which he could have been.

He could have been put in anyway because of his previous arrests in college. So either way here uh not looking good no so what do the raiders do they sign him to a five-year deal the next week what are you kidding swear to god next week early july five years six million fifty five thousand dollars wow gotta have them yeah that's how fucking silver wow i mean it is the silver and black but this is the extra silver and silver haired and black is what they should be called here um this is a total guaranteed two million bucks yeah up front here it's 1.2 million a year al davis and he just smiled my kind of guy my kind

of guy yeah get him in here vince mcmahon said what does he look like without a shirt? What if I put overalls on him? What would he look like then? Oh, God. He'd fit in. Oh, he barely speaks English. Broken English. Yelling at people, telling them he's going to kick them.

I'm just going to kick you. I don't even need to punch you. I'll kick you. Kick you to sleep. I'm going to kick you to sleep. He's so vascular. If the GHB doesn't do it my foot will

I'm gonna put you to sleep one way or another you're going to sleep call him the sleeper oh my god Jesus Christ man he's Polish we're gonna do something with that Polish

so he said the Polish prescription will put you to sleep. The Polish nap. The Polish nap. The Polish snooze. It's a Valbrich nap. That's what you're going to take, sir. So 2,000 Raiders are very good, actually.

They are 12-4 that year under John Gruden. They beat the Dolphins in the playoffs playoffs 27 nothing in the first round and then lose to the ravens 16 to 3 because that was that ravens defense that was their year they were you were not scoring on them period they were ridiculous on defense so they go on to win the super bowl the raiders are done there sebastian though decent rookie season does pretty well uh long of 54 he does 22 with 32 field goals long of 54 they're satisfied with that for a rookie yeah not too shabby now april of 2001 is court for ghb session here like we say he's facing federal he's facing prison time or deportation if convicted and uh yeah also up to

five years in prison as well so he's got a lot riding on this here and uh he's a resident alien at this point so he's got like a work visa basically yeah he testifies on his own behalf again right i think he thinks in his his lawyers probably think too go up there play the dumb foreigner right do with that do be steve martin wild and crazy yeah go be balky from perfect strangers and he's like i don't know cousin larry where cousin larry give to me i pull out some 80s just pin show it you've seen the reruns i know you watched them don't worry about it so uh they the guy from fucking beverly hills cop i don't care just be silly it's just something well this fucking jackass gets on the stand and now meanwhile the cop saw him he was pouring it

and doing you know he was doing the chem he had a routine here of a little bottle cap he's putting in here uh he says that he didn't know that there was ghb in the car when the police came and as a matter of fact he doesn't even know what it is. He doesn't even know what they're talking about. He's just a very, very confused young Polish boy who's just here.

I kick football. I don't know what... Does that make football kick better? That's literally... We got on the stand and it was just like, I don't even know what is. Is he the root of Polish jokes?

He's doing it perfectly. Play dumb. Right. And they're like, I don't even know what is. Is he the root of Polish jokes? He's doing it perfectly. Play dumb. Right. And they're like, oh, he's Polish. You've heard the jokes. You've heard the jokes. The whole jury's like, he's Polish. He's not very smart.

I believe him. I don't know why I believe him. He doesn't know righty-tighty lefty-loosey. I saw him and four of his lawyers trying to put a light bulb in before the trial. I saw him out in the hallway. They couldn't do it. They were trying to tell him lefty-loosey. He was on the ladder and the other three were spinning mountain, the hallway. They couldn't do it. They were trying to. He was on the ladder and the other

three were spinning it. That's not how you do it. One up and the other spinning the ladder. That's not how it works. They don't know that. There's no way he could know what GHB is. How could we expect him to know chemistry? He can't do that. He can't even do that. Chicken shit, chicken salad. Doesn't know

the difference. That's not the difference. He'd be like, I done chicken, and they both chicken. They ask him. Both come from chicken, right? He said for lunch he was having a chicken shit salad. He doesn't get it. He doesn't know. But imagine getting busted for something, getting on the stand and going, I don't even

know what that is. What? Not I didn't have it. It wasn't mine. These aren't my pants, even. Does the glove fit? What's a glove? What's a glove? I don't have it. It wasn't mine. These aren't my pants even. Does the glove fit? What's a glove? What's a glove?

I don't know. Murder? She's still alive, right? I don't know what that is. I think I talked to Nicole last week. What the fuck are you talking about? Like, that's... What?

Nobody ever tried this before. No. In all of our cases, how many guys have been caught with drugs constantly? None of them ever say, I don't even know what cocaine is. Free base? What's that say i don't even know what cocaine is free free base what's that i don't know michael ray richardson's thought of this when four balls is the free base right no no i don't know seems right beanball hit with the pitch that's a free base that's a free base yeah i'm impressed honestly that's pretty that's intuitive that's impressive yeah his lawyer's just like you are so fucking stupid it's not even finally are you foreign go up there fess up to it

just own it take it then he goes up goes i don't know what that is and the lawyer's like i didn't even think that's even better that was brilliant it's a brilliant strategy so much for dumb they're geniuses fucking genius Geniuses. Fucking genius. Oh, man. So the officer, they were trying to say that the officer knew who he was in a pretrial thing. Like he was like, oh, there's a FSU football player. I'm going to go after him. They're saying he knew who he was. So this one officer in a pretrial, this is in a court of law, said, quote, I'm not an FSU.

He said he didn't know who Sebastian was, didn't recognize him. Because he said, quote, I'm not an FSU fan, believe it or not. Quote, I are not an FSU fan. He said he didn't know who Sebastian was, didn't recognize him. Because he said, quote, I'm not an FSU fan, believe it or not. Quote, I are a Gator fan. Oh, yep. He sure are. That is the words of a Gator fan. I are a Gator fan. And the judge said, remove this man from my courtroom.

Right now. I swear. Imagine having the power to remove someone from the room if they were that dumb. Wouldn't that be great? Imagine trying to garner respect as a police officer and saying the phrase, I are a Gator fan. Take his gun away on the way out, by the way. Badge gun on my desk. On my desk.

This fucking guy is not, no. Wow. He is dumb as a stump. Sir, are you Polish? Yeah. you sir were you one of the ladder spinners were you one of the guys i saw out there so the uh the prosecutors end up dropping the charge against jay hoffman who was his friend janikowski's friend here he's a 25 year old fsu business major and uh ends they dropped it on him and and then this Hoffman ends up testifying on Janikowski's behalf, which is very strange because prosecutors granted him immunity. Okay, this is crazy.

They took a statement from this guy. He gave a sworn statement saying that he wasn't paying attention to what happened in the front seat of the car. He said that, yeah, you know, that's it. So I didn't even know what they were doing up there. So apparently now that he's that's immunities granted. Now he's testifying on Janikowski's behalf and saying that the drugs were his. And in court, they're like, well, in the deposition, you said you didn't even know what was going on. Never mind knowing that that fucking drugs were his and in court they're like well in the deposition you said you didn't even know what was going on never mind knowing that that fucking you know drugs were up there but now that you have immunity now they're your drugs he's like yep genius strategy

it's fucking yeah it's absolutely it's ridiculous it's silly that the judge wouldn't fucking start banging a gavel and having a fucking conference here with everybody involved both lawyers and going something's up here you know someone's someone knew what fucking ghb was in that front seat right so you guys between the two of you decide which fucking one it is and we'll prosecute them but i'm not gonna they're both not gonna say i don't know shit and then have one guy say i know something once he has immunity right that's ridiculous this guy seven years into a two-year business degree what the fuck is that about? Yeah, he's 25. Fuck out of here.

Fuck out of here. You should be a doctor pretty soon, sir. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No, he says, as Hoffman says, he failed to say, I forgot to tell them in July that it was mine. When I said I didn't know what was going on, he said, I forgot to say that I passed the bottle up to the front seat from his back seat and asked my friend to pour me a shot. Because I didn't say that. I forgot to mention that, even because I didn't know what was going on then when I said it. So, ridiculous.

Under cross-examination, this guy told the assistant state's attorney that he never divulged that information because the prosecutor never asked that information. They're doing this like a couple fighters. He never asked. He never asked me. You didn't fuck her. You got a blowjob and you didn't tell me? You're bringing up old stuff now?

You're bringing up old stuff. How long ago did that happen? How long ago? What the fuck? Is it never over? Is it never over with you? You asked if I fucked her. You didn't ask if I got a blowjob.

Jesus fucking Christ. No, I was... This is ridiculous. And then by the end of it, the jury's just like, huh? Did he get a blowjob or not? What's going on? So, yeah, this sounds silly. So the charges against the other guy, the 20-year-old that was in the car, were referred to drug court.

It's happened there. But that guy who got sent to drug court testified that he poured out the drug in the front seat of the car, not Janikowski, even though the officer watched Janikowski pour it fucking out in the front car. They're just like, no, we were just saying reality that we've invented and just a whole new different thing that happened. Tell all these stories and see what the jury buys. Yeah, that's it. So he said that the officers were, quote, this is the Hoffman guy. The officers were, quote, very short with me and they didn't want to listen to me okay well there you go so uh yeah but he said i are a gator fan we can't yeah i can't believe that guy who do we

believe that's yeah anything he's dumber than these two so uh he also said that he overheard one of the officers say quote you ain't gonna get out of this one to Janikowski. But that was why the guy said, I didn't even know who the fuck he was. I'm a Gator fan. So that was where that came from. In closing arguments, the prosecutor challenged the credibility of Janikowski's friends, saying, quote, his friends clearly have a stake in this case. The officers were doing their job that night. They don't have a stake in this case. were doing their job that night.

They don't have a stake in this case. So the defense lawyer said the only reason Janikowski was prosecuted was because of who he is, not because he has GHB right before he's about to go in a bar. No. He said they wanted Mr. Janikowski so bad that they gave Mr. Hoffman immunity,

which that's true. He said he noted that all the police officers who testified were in the courtroom listening to closing arguments, even though they had been excused from the case. And he said they were there because it's Sebastian Janikowski. That's why. So, yeah, it's they're trying to do that. It's a jury of three men and three women.

They deliberate for 80 minutes before saying not guilty. How full acquittal of drug drug possession evidence tampering, and attempting to destroy evidence. All gone. Get to Oakland and beat the Broncos. At some point, there is GHB. And it was poured out. So it was GHB and someone did attempt to destroy evidence. That happened.

Right. Objectively. We just can't prove who did it. Even though we saw who did it but then that guy said i are a gator that's what i mean and you know what good i'm okay you can't speak like that oh you can't somebody who knows how to fucking complete a sentence on the police force please maybe the the training should be a little more vigorous yeah uh as far as am do you know the word am is that a thing do you know that one it's two letters yeah so lord janikowski obviously no ghb around him he doesn't know what

the fuck he's anyone's talking about he's good now ready to play everything's fine gonna be great october 10th 2001 yes um he fell falls at a nightclub, cutting his face and requiring five stitches after the Raiders game against Dallas. Now he is taken to the hospital. After that, it is patrons at the Snowdrift Bar in San Francisco reported he collapsed while he was in the in the club there. And they said that the club's doorman told police officers that janikowski quote was possibly overdosing on ghb that's his thing oh yeah so uh yeah he doesn't even know what it is though that's the thing yeah they said they found janikowski quote incoherent and wildly flailing around on the floor of a nightclub as a result of the uncontrolled flailing janikowski

hit his head on the floor and caused a cut over his result of the uncontrolled flailing janikowski hit his head on the floor and caused a cut over his right eye he's like having a fucking seizure on the floor and shit um he did not respond to verbal request and was placed in soft restraints on a gurney and taken by ambulance because he's a big guy swinging his fucking appendages around everywhere you don't want to get kicked by accident there. It's amazing. Taken to the hospital. The police report listed a guy there, by the way, with him, one of his friends, listed as Jay Hoffman. Oh, that bastard.

Yeah, his buddy from court there, who is Janikowski's roommate, listed as. He says to the police report that a woman was dancing with Janikowski throughout the evening. Hoffman said he saw the woman taking a drug and that she must have slipped it into Janikowski's drink. Okay. Why is there so much GHB around you? Fall of shit. And why is this guy talking to the fucking cops getting you out of trouble every fucking time testifying on your behalf?

I hope he's paying this fucking guy or at least I hope his rent's free. It should be probably getting him out of trouble every fucking time testifying on your behalf i hope he's paying this fucking guy or at least i hope his rent's free it should be probably getting him out of shit so he said she must that this woman was dancing around i saw her obviously just pounding ghb all night and she must have slipped it in his drink she had a little bottle it said ghb on the side it's a little vile right she was like just taking shots off of it and then i saw her she slipped him a mickey really she must have slipped it into his drink right jesus christ man that's that's weak bro that's fucking weak i'll bet there of of the amount of football players that have drugged women i'll bet the amount that have been drugged themselves is far probably less well the funny thing is the only person that said that was jay hoffman because everyone else they talked to several witnesses around the club told police they saw janikowski

voluntarily taking what appeared to be ghb so yeah that's this is his game this is his game he loves this shit yeah now uh the his agent fist pumper, he said that Janikowski had been drinking, but he did not overdose on drugs. He did overdose on GHB. It's at the hospital. They found that out. They took his blood, Healy. It's in there. Now, Janikowski went to practice the next day with a cut over his eye and everything, because he's a kicker. And a sick hangover. Yeah, oh, yeah, I would say, and a headache. And he says, this is his agent's thing, you don't have a drug overdose on Sunday night

and go to practice Monday morning. So he's fine. Which he did. So he called the reports that he overdosed outlandish and totally false. Both. Jenna Kelsey said that? No, no, his agent. He doesn't know.

Where do I land? I don't know what happened here. He says, I know he was out there at a nightclub in San Francisco and slipped and fell. A lot of these clubs, people spill their drinks and he slipped and whacked his head. You don't have a drug overdose Saturday night and then go to practice. So now you know how these clubs are. There's drinks everywhere. He slipped.

He's such a clumsy guy. Obviously, he's not an athlete or anything. He wasn't wearing his cleats. That's how it goes it goes he slipped he hit his head and then everyone saw him take ghb that's what happened he fell on the ground and ghb fell in his mouth somehow wow that's that's interesting i would say here um so literally two weeks later one of his coaches here uh said special teams coach for the raiders said, quote, I see him definitely growing up a little. He definitely had social thoughts that were a little bit different than my old Italian upbringing. If you know what I'm saying, I think he's on a dimmer switch that controls what's going on.

But I think the light bulb is getting brighter and brighter every week. He just called him. He called him a fucking dummy. Yeah, he just called him a fucking dummy that says he gets a little less dumb every week he's a polack we're americanizing him yeah he's he didn't say he gets smarter every week right dimmer switch means he started dumb right that's what that is so he wanted to make sure that he said that the you know back when they came in he said that he was kicking the ball too quickly and uh this this coach said quote he fought it i'm not gonna lie he kept saying i did

it this way at Florida State. Well, that's good, but it could be better. Now he realizes that we're in this together and we're trying to help him. So, I mean, good fucking Lord. He's a Polack that we found in Florida. You can't expect him to be that fucking bright. That's what I, yeah, really, both. A Polish Floridian. So, I i mean he's got to get it

together yeah um he goes uh he goes back at his back at his place with his roommate jay hoffman who is his own little silver haired middle-aged white man as a 25 year old i want a friend like that yeah i hope he's going into sports agenting instead of business or whatever because he could do that and uh they're sitting there and he's looking over though and he's like man he's thinking this jay hoffman's good i mean he's got a lot of excuses for me obviously you know somebody drugged me i don't know what you know i don't know what's happening it was my drugs he's willing to take the fall but i just want i need someone to really explain things for me much better and i just don't know what to do and wouldn't you know it who shows up right then but adam the arugula connoisseur pac-man jones himself there to explain what's happening for him

and he says um how is it you've come to arrive here i don't understand it personally because clearly you've been wronged you've been wronged obviously i mean i sometimes if i'm uh stuffy i take an antihistamine of some kind and sometimes it's a it's a capful type of thing and it can be mistaken for an illicit substance but obviously this is ridiculous that they would think you would do that and the cheerleader clearly when you fought him you were celebrating a great victory right and it was one of those things. You said, I'll pick you up and toss you into the air. And he just misunderstood the gesture. Obviously, this is, I don't understand what's going on.

But you, sir, sir, can I just tell you this? You're living your life in a fantastic fashion, sir. I'm proud of you. You keep it up. Only thing is, you can get a little unhealthy. Can I interest you in a little arugula? Because it's pretty good. I got to tell you.

And then poof. Yeah. In a cloud of church's chicken, bags swinging, airport fighting, and arugula leaves. With Popeye's. He's always Popeye's in the airport. That was the best. He's like, I will put my shit down and fuck you up. But yeah, he had a bag of Popeye's, which was awesome.

Popeye's Louisiana. Good shit. Good shit. I loved Adam Jones. He was fucking great. What a story. He was just fun. Yeah. As a guy, I thought awesome. Good shit. Good shit. I loved Adam Jones. He was fucking great. What a story. He was just fun. As a guy, I thought he was all right.

He's a blast. He's a dick, but at the same time, I'm like, he's pretty funny. Except for when he was fucking with women. So anyway, 2001, Oakland is 10-6 this year under John Gruden. They beat the Jets in the playoffs and lose to the Patriots 16-13. This was the bullshit tuck rule. Tom Brady, first time they literally fucking took him in their hands

and lifted him above the field and down to the end zone for a touchdown so they could win. The referees on a bed of feathers and then jerked him off afterwards. How much of a dummy I am. Just because they beat the i mean tom brady wasn't the tom brady he is today i still hated the patriots i hated the raiders that much

more where i was like ha i hate it i love that rule always hated him now i fucking hate it fucking god damn it yeah that was a load of shit too too. So, yeah, they lose there, and New England ends up winning the Super Bowl that year. But Sebastian here plays in 15 games. He is not too shabby here. He is, what is it this year, one of two from past 50 yards. He's 23 of 28 in field goals. Crushing it. Doing damn good.

2002, June of 2002 in the offseason season he is pulled over for reckless driving in a dy as well you know at least it didn't seem to have ghb in his system which is good but uh he's driving now plenty of booze though no problem there uh yeah so that's june 2002 and then october 2nd 2002 he is pulled over in oakland again and uh guess what yeah they say let's take a little field sobriety test there chief and uh oh you're not doing so well let's see what you are blood alcohol measured at 0.20 which is well over double the legal limit he's fucking hammered rolling around you know and he's been drinking vodka since he was 14 so for him to be hammered he's got to be hammered so uh, yeah, he's pulled over there.

And not good. Bill Callahan, the coach of the Raiders, said, quote, It's a very unfortunate incident for Janikowski. I want to make it a point that this is an issue we don't condone in our society, in the league, as an organization, or as a team. It's a subject that we constantly educate our players on. Yeah, don't drink and drive. Here's a number where you can get a free fucking ride

anytime you want. Right. The NFL makes it so those players never have to drink and drive. They never have to drive. They don't ever have to drive. They're pampered. One, they can get a ride.

There's a service. Number two, you make enough money, you can all afford a fucking cab or an Uber or a town car or something to take you where the fuck you're going. You all have fucking 20 friends make enough money you can all afford a fucking cab or an uber or a town car or something anything to take you where the fuck you're going it's you all have fucking 20 friends running around with you yeah have one of those dickheads drive have one of those you have to stay sober if you want to hang out with me tonight with chad johnson tonight stay sober yeah that's it and you you

can get the the overflow women right hang off the shrapnel pussy yeah there's gonna be loads that's what they do so this is twice twice in four months, five months, he's busted for a DUI, which isn't fucking good at all. He obviously has learned nothing. He just pretty much, the fact that he's a kicker, it's so weird because if he was a quarterback or a running back or a high-profile wide receiver, this would be like big news and they'd be talking

about kicking him off the team and all this. But the fact that he's a kicker, like nobody even he doesn't he's not barely even on the team yeah kickers like they do their own thing nobody wants that guy's autograph nobody cares about kickers and the fact that he's like a foreigner he's like he's like white and polish extra extra go like it's like oh he's a foreigner i don't know he can just come out and people go does he even speak english i don't fucking know and they can ignore it it's like, oh, he's a foreigner. I don't know. He can just come out and people go, does he even speak English? I don't fucking know. And they can ignore it. It's the weirdest fucking thing. Right.

I don't understand why that is, but they give him a fucking pass on it all the time. It's like Vanderjack to be a fucking wild man to get attention to the kicker. Yeah, that's what I mean. To be a total asshole. And just sit there screaming about Peyton Manning fucking up. Jesus Christ. So 2002 with the Raiders. They're 11-5 this year under Bill Callahan here.

And they beat the Jets in the divisional round of the playoffs. They beat the Titans in the conference championship and go all the way to the Super Bowl where they are absolutely shit-hammered by the Buccaneers, 48-21. And this episode dovetails nicely with the Barrett Robbins episode because this is the Super Bowl that Barrett Robbins went off the deep end and didn't show up at, whilst Janikowski did show up. And it didn't really help any. Barrett Robbins wasn't there, and the guy that filled in for him didn't know shit. Didn't know shit. So Janikowski played in all 16 games this year.

His long field goal was as long this year. 51 yards. Not too shabby. Now he has court for DUI here. And he pleads no contest to misdemeanor DUI. That's the plea deal. They give him, you, sir, may fuck off. Three years probation.

$1,292 fine and DUI school. That's pretty steep. I guess. But he had two. That's pretty steep. I guess. But he had two. That's for two in a year. He had two in five months. But this is a guy that drinks and drives. Three years of probation. We're probably going to put him in the system pretty soon.

Well, yeah. Three years of driving. Oh, shit. Either that or he's going to learn to get rides. Right. But, yeah. You'd figure, I mean, two in five months, you'd be doing a little jail time is what I'm saying.

Yeah. You'd be doing a couple weeks or something. You didn't learn your lesson, for sure. No. He doesn't have to do shit, though. Now, September 20th, 2003 here. Okay. He should be all good now, right?

He's fine. Right. I mean, this is right before the season starts. He's had tons of stuff. It's all cleared out of his system. Yeah. The bulb is getting brighter every day. He's on probation, for Christ's sake.

On probation. Yeah. He's going to be good now well not quite september 20th 2003 he's arrested on suspicion of assault and vandalism uh after being drunk in public after a fight broke out yeah uh he's in a melee shit-faced outside of a supper club it's not even like a night it's not even like a dance call here it's where you go have some shitty macaroni and cheese and go home slate supper club it is here and um yeah it's in contra costa california uh people several people told police officers that janikowski who was described as quote very intoxicated had assaulted them several people had said that he assaulted them he's going around hitting people and things uh he also was going around kicking the side view mirrors off of parked

cars around the restaurant that's fucked up so everyone parked down in the front of a restaurant he was just hitting people and kicking windows kicking uh mirrors off of cars what an asshole in the front of the supper club shit-faced in public so an asshole move yeah so many people had to have their shit and then also he's punching people right he's fucking hitting people that are not suspecting to be hit for no fucking reason and i guess he broke the car the mirrors off several cars in the area not just one or two here um none of the victims uh suffered serious injuries but he is arrested and taken to county jail and he's bailed out obviously posting twenty five hundred dollars bail and uh the officer said that he wasn't cooperative but he didn't go to as far

as resisting arrest he was like what's the fucking problem yeah isn't that i don't know i'll kick shit i don't mind i feel like you can probably tack resisting on something yeah if he wasn't cooperative right but i mean who knows but the thing is the owner of the place who i assume probably you know was probably had to talking to from the raiders and whatever has some pr involved in this oh no he drops the charges well he's not it's not up to him it's on it happened outside and everything and other people he was hitting strangers uh there's a guy named jimmy tang he's the co-owner of slats he said that uh um he said that janikowski's altercation was only with two patrons and that the he only broke off the side view mirror off of one car okay other people said he hit many people and broke it off many cars

then the owner says quote he apologized and even offered to pay for it the guy is all no no i'm pressing charges yeah that's how it works you can't just hit someone kick their side view mirror off and be like i'll pay for it right no fuck you what are you sunny corleone you're gonna throw a couple of c notes on the ground and walk away eat dicks motherfucker you are yeah fuck you can't do that shit um eventually though the charges are dropped here against him for this one so but again shit-faced yeah out in public being a cocky asshole punching people fucking kicking people's property breaking things america's too easy it's it's so it's so easy oh my goodness you watch sitcom and know

everything uh 2003 with the raiders here uh they go 4 and 12 oh boy did they turn around this is it for like a decade they're awful yeah awful um uh in this season in october on the 16th of october in the second quarter janikowski ties an nfl record by hitting four field goals in a single quarter so that's pretty good it's not the only record he's gonna tie he's got a bunch here yeah he's got another one you know about he has a single quarter. So that's pretty good. That's not the only record he's going to tie. He's got a bunch here. Yeah, he's got another one you know about. He has a long of 55 yards that year,

and he's 22 of 25 in field goals that year. So doing great. 2004, I would say that he's been a good kicker, but I would say his record's been pretty spotty. He's arrested every six fucking months. Raiders say, we should invest money in that. Get out of here. Oh, out of here oh yeah contracts up so they say how about a five-year deal 10 million five hundred thousand dollars what do you say fucking guy 1.5 million guaranteed and a signing bonus was 20 million dollars for being a kicker right unbelievable he's like okay yeah team goes 5 and

11 doesn't matter shit ass team they would they would win 5 and 11 with or without him they could have had not even had a kicker and they wouldn't have been fucking they would have been 5 and 11 i was gonna say i could go out there and be like i think i can hit it from 27 and still uh this year yeah he's uh he's uh 25 of 28 from from field goals which is excellent as well that year um so i mean i don't know it's worth it to the raiders if they needed a kicker like i said if it mattered now 2005 the team is 4 and 12 yikes janikowski continues this is his fourth straight year of playing every single game which is i guess what you want out of your kicker has a rough year this year though he's 20 for 30 kicking field goals oh that's not good no not when you just signed a big contract yeah that's a

strange thing 20 of 30 49 is as long here 30 for 30 on extra points but they were so bad too they may have been forcing him to kick long ones yeah the fuck it doesn't matter let's see from 50 uh 50 plus he was over three yeah from out there only 12 only 7 of 12 from 40 to 49 wow that's a problem yeah that's an issue there. He had some, I don't know if he was in some weather games, played a bunch in Pittsburgh or what. That's turfish shit there for kickers. Playing in Kansas City in December.

Yeah, who knows. So 2006, the team is 2-14. Fucking wretched. Absolutely. Did they really do that? Wretched. They were so bad. Over three years, they won 10 games altogether? Yeah. Wow. absolutely wretched they were so bad

they won 10 games all together they were so fucking bad for these few years they were coaches going every year fucking quarterbacks in and out they were a disaster they didn't know what to do Al Davis was sick and dying

it was a mess this year he plays in all 16 games he's 18 for 25 this year, he plays in all 16 games again. He's 18 for 25 this year from field goals, which isn't terrific, but he makes as long as 55, so not too shabby. 2007, the team is 4-12. Again, not wonderful here. November 4th of 2007, he attempts a 64-yard field goal,

which would have been the sole record holder right before halftime and uh it's no wind in outdoors in oakland usually these records are set indoors or in denver right one of the two not outdoors in oakland at sea level denver is a good place to get a long field oakland not a good place for it uh here on on grass with fucking with uh you know like at sea level here. The kick would have been an all-time record, but it hit the crossbar. Is that right?

Hit the bottom crossbar. Wow. Another six inches he had it. So, I mean, hit it and bounce. Two inches probably. Yeah, it was bing and bounced right back out like a basketball hit in the back of the rim and rejected.

Can you imagine he hits that crossbar and it goes in? Ouch. Oh, man. I would have hated that. Oh, you would have fucking despised that. Just peek it over and he gets to hold that? Yuck. That's fucking, that wouldbar and it goes in. Ouch. Oh, man. I would have hated that. Oh, you would have fucking despised that. Just peek it over and he gets to hold that. Yuck.

That would have been terrible for you. The team, though, or him, he plays in 16 games. He is 23 of 32 for field goals. He is 54 as his long field goal that year. He also gets married in 2008. This is his first marriage. Marries a woman named Lori. Now, from everything that I've heard, once he gets married, he's a completely different person.

Really? Once he gets married, he stops partying, stops going out, stops everything. I don't know if he's a great dude. He just stops being an asshole. Does it at home. Does it at home. But no, it gets religious. Yeah, he's a real family.

Whatever the fuck. Yeah. Turns into turns into fucking like Emmett Smith out of nowhere. Wild. Which is weird here. Team goes five and 11 in 2008, which isn't great. September 28th of that year, he unsuccessfully attempts a 76 yard field goal against the Chargers. It was it was heavy wind.

So the wind was really heavy where it might actually carry it was right before halftime so it was like fuck it give it a shot it's better chance than a hail mary at that point so uh they do it's presumed to be the longest attempt in nfl history although they don't really keep records of it um they know in 1979 someone tried 70 a 74 yarder that's from like like the 33-yard line on the other side. The other side of the field, yeah. 37, though, right? Yeah, well, it's 10 yards for the end zone.

It's a 73-yard? So 10 and 50, and then another 10, so it would be the 30, yeah, the 33. Wow. 34 if it's a 76-yarder. That's unbelievable. Well, yeah, that's where the ball would be. Right. And then think about where he is.

Right, he's at the fucking goal line. Yeah, he's back another seven yards. So that's something there. So October 19, 2008, he hits a 57-yard field goal, which is the Raiders' team record against the Jets. And this is in overtime to beat the Jets 16-13. So that long of a field goal to end overtime is pretty fucking dramatic. Sure is.

That's pretty cool, actually. Especially when the team sucks dicks. Oh, yeah, two shit teams. When they're awful, the toilet bowl. Two bad stupor bowl teams. Awful shit. He played all 16 games that year, was 24-30, and 57 was his long.

2009, he's five and, it's teams five and 11. He breaks his own record by hitting a 61-yarder against the Browns on December 27th, right before halftime again. That's when all these field goals are attempted. Takes some chances. Well, yeah, because otherwise the team takes over where you are,

which is in your territory. Right. It's not great. So, yeah, that year he is 26 of 29 field goals. So, I mean, it's a contract year. It's a contract year, by the way. Wow. Funny, isn't that weird how that works?

He got paid three times? No, let's keep talking about it. So, 61 is as long. 2010, they give him a new contract, four-year deal, $16 million. My word. Yep, $3 million signing bonus, $9 million guaranteed of this money. This cocksucker has done so well. He's good at America.

Yeah. I believe in America. It's the first line of The Godfather. I believe in America. He sure the fuck does. Yes, he does. So, yeah, the team in 2010 goes 8-8. So, holy shit, 500. shit 500 that's when it around

i think that's when hugh jackson came in because he came in had two 500 seasons and they fired him really it was like you have sucked so fucking hard for years and you fire this fucking guy after he got you to 500 with a shit team that's unbelievable yeah it was bullshit that guy got fucked he got fucked hard on that one so um now december 26 2000 2010 sebastian hits a 59 yard field goal in the second quarter against the cults making him the second player in history with two uh over 59 yard field goals wow the other is morton anderson who was just he played till until he was 80. Eventually it's going to happen if you play that fucking long. He's just playing a numbers game at that point. He played forever. He was so good, too.

Yeah, he was. His brother was good, too. Yeah. Shit. So, he had two brothers, Chris and Gary. Right. Gary played for the Falcons? Gary played.

Gary was the guy who kicked the Giants field goal that beat the Niners in the 90 NFC Championship games. He played for the Giants, I know. Yeah. There. Was that Anderson? I think Gary played. Was that Matt Barr? No, Barr was earlier.

I think Morton played for the Falcons. Morton played for the Falcons, and he played for everyone after that. A numbers game. After that, he went other places. So, Sebastian, though, here is 33 of 41 in field goals this year, which is the most makes and the most attempts in the league that year. Yeah, a lot of field goals for the Raiders that year. The coach is like, well, I know we can make those.

That's a contract year. They won games 9 to 6. That's pretty much it, yeah. So 59-yarder is as long that year. Now, May of 2011 here, there was a problem. Let's just say a woman named Serena Nichols. This happened in September of 2010. But the whole thing comes out in May of 2011.

She tells people that she didn't know who Janikowski was. They were in a bar or some situation here. She didn't know who Janikowski was. They were in a bar or some situation here. And she said that he was, quote, very red, very angry. I kind of felt like he was going to beat me up. Okay. So he ends up from this whole incident. He gets charged with battery out of this.

The accuser here says that he forced her into a room in the back of a nightclub and wouldn't allow her to leave, screamed at her and pushed her because he thought she'd been taking pictures of him. So, you know, on her phone. Right. So she said that she went to this nightclub that night. Her friend, she knows her friend's the manager of the place or knew one of the managers or something.

So she was allowed backstage where she took photos and watched some rapper perform they were having a concert that night she said after the performance people were gathering backstage with some moving into a like a big walk-in refrigerator and uh she said that she drank alcohol heavily but by that time she was drinking water and it was end of the night sober up night yeah she's moved on to water she said every quote everyone went back into this walk-in area we were having a good time when he came in this guy that i had never seen before and started yelling at everyone to leave then he pointed

at me and said except for her oh boy which is frightening that's horrifying except for her huh she stays she tell me how to screw in light bulb with just me i know you know i can see in your eyes you show me righty lucy you show me righty tighty lefty lucy which one is left by the way he's a left-footed kicker that's right we've mentioned that yeah yeah but that's why you can't screw in light bulb can't't screw them in. So she said, quote, he shut the door or he shut the walk-in door and started yelling at me that I had been taking pictures of him at the show.

I had never seen him before in my life. I kind of knew, know who he is now, but I don't keep track of sports. It was after the fact she was like, Oh, he's a professional football player, whatever.

Um, she's five, 930 pounds. She said she tried to get out of the door but that he blocked her way he's 6 2 250 at this point in time this is when it's in his fat time so uh she said quote he had one arm free and pushed me i ended up falling backwards at that point i didn't know what was going to happen i started screaming for my life uh she said then some people pushed their way into the walk-in and got her out of there basically like a bunch of other people from there

uh she said she wanted to go to the police that night but people at the party talked her out of it told her not to do it you know blah blah blah he was just drunk and all this shit but she said she reported it the next day uh she said, quote, I decided it was the right thing to do. By the time this all happened, though, and the police investigated everything, people were nobody. She couldn't. A lot of the witnesses were harder to find. People were a little fuzzy on it. They didn't want to corroborate.

They didn't want to fuck with the Raiders. There's this whole big thing here. This is in Walnut Creek. It's Northern California, too. Raiders is this whole big thing here. This is in Walnut Creek. It's Northern California, too. So she said that she had trouble remembering what Janikowski looked like exactly, too, which was a problem. The police investigated the incident, and she thought the case had been had been dropped after she hadn't heard anything for a while from the cops.

And then finally, though, May of that year year they filed charges against him in court and uh yeah he's charged with battery and false imprisonment and all this type of shit he's a horrifying looking man oh he's a big scary looking guy he's a ball if you don't haven't seen him he is white as fuck pasty yeah like pasty eastern european hitman right you know what i mean like he looks like he's gonna he's gonna fucking cut you up and put you in a tarp and bury you. It's like bald, bullet-toothed Tony. Yeah.

He's a scary-looking man. He's bald and dead, and if he's drunk and angry-looking, and you're a woman who weighs over 100 pounds less than him, and you're in a small room with him, that's frightening. Absolutely. So, maximum penalties here are 18 months in jail, so that's not great here. But, what does Healy say? His agent? He pumps his fist.

Yeah. Says, let me tell you something. He said, it's old news. This happened 51 weeks ago, and he was not arrested. We're dealing with this through the courts. I'm done. That was it for him. So, yeah, the Raiders made a similar statement saying they were unaware of the incident,

but that it didn't seem news newsworthy to them that's nice your giant kicker is fucking pinning women in a walk-in freezer and you don't find that newsworthy i don't know al davis is sick leave us alone it's fine so 2011 the team goes eight and eight again on september 12th 2011 on monday night football against the broncos he ties the nfl record for longest field goal at 63 yards. That held by Dempsey with a half a wooden foot. Truly shouldn't count. Right. And Jason Elam.

Yeah, he hit it with a bat, basically. It's not a foot. It's wood. That guy just two weeks ago died of COVID, too. Dempsey? Yeah, that's sad. He had a lot of health problems. And then Jason Elam, obviously.

But that was Denver as well. They were both in Denver, weren't they? Didn't Dempsey hit his in Denver? All of them were in Denver. Yeah, that's what I thought. It may have been. I thought Dempsey hit his in Denver. I think he did.

I think all of them were in Denver. Or was it in the Superdome? It may have been in New Orleans. Might have been in New Orleans. That was a close one. I don't know. I'd have to Google. So, yeah.

Otherwise, it's all Denver. Yeah. So, Janikowski. It seems to be a little bit of a benefit for kickers in Denver. A little bit. A little bit. That air being light is not a joke. So, he goes 31-35 kicking field goals this year, including this 63-yarder.

Right. And for the first time in his career makes the Pro Bowl. Really? Isn't that weird? Yeah. He made the Pro Bowl once in his whole career. But that makes sense when your team sucks shit. Yeah.

It's just odd, though, that they would never pick him as a kicker. There's always some other better kicker. How about that? There's always Vinatieri, because it's AFC. So there's always Vinatieri or one of those guys. The guy from the Patriots. Vinatieri. Yeah.

And who's the one from the Colts? Vanderjack. Yes. No, there was another one there. Before that. You know what I mean? He went to the Colts after that. Kickers played for like 25 years.

You never know. That little fucker was so good. He was good. So, yeah, he goes to the Pro Bowl. But March 1st, 2012, he has to go to court for the nightclub incident there. He basically ends up pleading here to a lesser charge. Basically, he admits to forcing a woman into a fucking walk-in that he thought he'd been taking pictures of him. If he doesn't get arrested for the next 12 months, the battery charge will be dropped, and he is sentenced to anger management classes and community service as well.

He beat the probation on the DUI. How about that? Yeah, he beat it out. Wow. He left it for a few years. And that same year, he and his wife have fraternal twin girls as well. So two little girls who don't look alike but are born at the same time. One looks like him.

One probably looks like him. One looks like her. One's bald and pasty. Doesn't know how to screw in a light bulb for her life. So four and 12, the team goes that year. This was after they fired Hugh Jackson. Right back to 4-12. So maybe that guy had something.

What do you think? Sebastian, 31-34, kicking field goals. 57 is a long. No Pro Bowl, though. No Pro Bowl this year. You got to tie records for that shit? You got to. June of 2013, he says he wants

to play seven or eight more years i remember this yeah he said he's been down his weight's down he said i would love to stay here and finish my career this is where i started where i would like to finish i can go seven or eight years if i stay healthy i can keep going i want to play as long as i can and win the super bowl so uh i going to have to get out of Oakland, sir. Well, yeah. Well, nope. He ends up instead signing a contract extension. Four years, $15,100,000.

My fuck. $8 million guaranteed. This motherfucker made $60 million. You should have learned to kick, Jimmy. Wow. You know what I'm saying? $8 million guaranteed. $1.8 million signing bonus.

Unreal. To be on a 4-12 team. $60 million. $60 million. Best season. Eight fucking wins. It's fucking crazy. Well, I guess 10 or 12 a long time ago.

Yeah, they went to the Super Bowl. Wow. Jesus. 21 of 30 for field goals that year. 53 is his long. Now, in 2014, an adult film star here. Yeah. A porn star named Brooke Haven, starts...

This is the second time she came up in our shows. Really? Swear to God. Which one was she? Three weeks ago, she was in a show, too. Just her name? No, her. She fucked somebody in the show.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We didn't go too much into her, though, did we? No, no, not like War Machine's friend, who we... I think it was in that episode. No, that wasn't Brooke. It was a different one. Brooke Haven was in a show. I only know that because somebody messaged me.

It was like I slept with that girl and then told me a story that I will not repeat. Well, we haven't talked. I don't think we've talked about Brooke. We have in depth. No, not in depth. Okay. Just about her career. No, we know. We did not not talk about we glazed over it

in depth can't even help it it's just everything is a fucking shitty fun when you're talking about yeah so she's talking to tmz in 2014 saying she had partied with various professional athletes right and when we say she parties she knows how to party because let's look at her imdb shall we let's start in 2005 oh my word it's hold on it's deep it's deep i gotta get a drink there we go hold on i had to swallow quick. All right. Sorry. Okay. Don't let that go down your chin. I got to keep it on my face.

Out of my eye, though. It burns. Okay. Holy fuck. Her career. Teen hand jobs. The realist. That 70s hoe.

The anal express. Hold on. That's genius. Yeah, that 70s hoe. That was good. That's one of those parody. Whoever named that one is awesome. That's genius. Yeah, that's 70s. That was good. That's one of those parody. Whoever named that one is awesome. The Anal Express.

It's a train themed. Obviously. I don't know. A rail themed show. She's the caboose. The Devil Made Me Do It. Tits Ahoy 2. Okay.

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my favorite in your face that's so so on the notes we know what happened and bossy milfs five now i don't know if i like in your face or if i like whore oh that's whore is a good and then she's also the face sitting tail series also later on so there's that so anyway she's done a lot of form i only say this and give you these titles to let you know she's been around some wild and crazy shit probably yeah okay and you get a picture of what her specific thing is for porn she has huge tits and she loves it up yeah she loves sticking things in her ass and so that's that so now she said that she hung out with a lot of athletes hung out with she said though they said well who parties. So now she said that she hung out with a lot of athletes hung out with.

She said, though, they said, well, who parties the hardest? And she said, without hesitation, Sebastian Janikowski. Wow. No fucking doubt. Not even a contest. I've partied with a lot of people. Name somebody that will fucking hate you forever. Sebastian Janikowski.

Sebastian Janikowski. So they went, really? Like him? And she said, have you followed that man's career? I think he settled down, though. I think he got married. I haven't hung out with him for many years. And so they said, well, tell a story.

And she said, you can't really tell any stories because they're crazy. And I'll get fucking sued. Well, she was. Yeah, this was a TMZ. So she finally said, fine. We were driving one time in the Navigator. I was driving and he was smoking a cigarette out the window or something. He was hanging out singing Nelly. It's getting hot in here.

I'm going to take off all my clothes and trap a woman inside of a walk-in freezer and possibly give her GHB. Because it's very hot. Was it like Nelly Nelly? Or was it like the St. Lunatics Nelly? Yeah, yeah. We don't know. Was he running those ones? Lunatics Nelly? Yeah, yeah. We don't know. Was he running those ones? Sling batter up.

Yeah, yeah. Batter up. Yeah, yeah. That's the one. She's smoking a cigarette outside the window or something. He was hanging out singing Nelly. And all of a sudden, next thing you know, the inside of the car is on fire. He dropped the cigarette down into the side panel of the door.

And all these papers are on fire. He takes them, throws them all out of the window, and says, fuck it, keep going. And that's it. There was still shit on fire. He's like, it's fine. What were they? He just threw a pile of fire out the window. The registration for the vehicle.

And just kept going. Fuck it. Didn't put it out. Pour water on it. Just threw it out the window. But that's the type of guy he is, that he's just like, don't care about that. Throw the fire out.

Throw fire out the window. So that year he's 3-13. The team is 3-13 here. He has a 57-yard field goal, 19 for 22 in the kicking department. 2015, 7-9 the Raiders are. He has a 56-yarder that year. Not too shabby, 21-26 from the field. 2016 Raiders go 12-4.

They get good again. Jack Del Rio comes in, and not too bad. They go all the way to the playoffs. There's not a lot of guys on the Raiders that bridged the Super Bowl years to fucking Derek Carr. I don't think anybody did. No, it's just him. Just him, yeah. Not even Al Davis, I don't think, made it that far.

Al Davis missed it. he missed out on it even so uh i don't know it's just it has to i knew you would that's why i said it out i knew you'd you'd give an evil laugh to that shit so i couldn't help myself you're the best style you're the best out so they lose in the wild card round to the Texans that year. It doesn't matter. He's 29 for 35, 56 yarder as a long. Either way, 2017, he's placed on the IR. He doesn't play like at all in 2017.

Not a drop. Broke a hip or something. Hurt himself early in the season or in training camp. The team goes 6-10. He and his wife have another daughter, though, that year year i guess he has time to stay home and get banging away 2018 he leaves the raiders right he signs with the seattle seahawks saying that he wants a ring the seahawks were coming off of yeah competing for championships so he says he wants a ring god damn it he's going to play for the seahawks 2018. They signed him to a one-year contract for $1,015,000. And not too bad here.

They go 10 and 6. He's okay. 22 of 27 for 56 yards is long. Doing very well. Could probably play forever, except January 5th, 2019, he attempts a 57-yard field goal against the Cowboys in the playoffs, and it sails wide right, and apparently he grabbed his leg and was in a lot of fucking pain, and yeah, he apparently hurt his leg pretty fucking bad, and he said that was the end of it it because the rest of his body was falling apart, too.

So, I mean, he's 41 years old here. Too much GHB. And all that GHB. Back and away on fucking porn stars. Oh, my God. Anal whatever, 42. It's a lot. So he had made two earlier field goals that game.

So April 28th, 2019, the Seattle Seahawks announced that he has retired. He said, quote, My body just can't take it anymore. I have some back issues that make it make it a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I knew it was time to step away. I still feel a sharp pain all the way down my right leg. That's something that I don't think is going to go away. He said, My medical history, I think, is like 1200 pages long. Hamstring, knee, back.

That's the most severe right now. He said that there could be different opportunities with football in the future for him. When maybe with soccer, he says, I don't know. I just want to spend time with my family for now. See what comes around.

He made over $50 million minimum. So he's good there. Some players talk about him. Players loved him. They liked him. Derek Carr said, he's one of my favorite teammates I've ever had he really is he said he's got such a good heart I talk to him every morning and he sits behind me at every team meeting he means the world to me Marcel

Reese who's a fullback he said he's the guy around here we treat him like he's one of one an original a living legend he's been here so long he's like a statue in front of the building but he's one of one, an original, a living legend. He's been here so long, he's like a statue in front of the building, but he's one of the greatest people I've ever met in football, and he's a warrior. An offensive tackle, Donald Penn. Who doesn't love Seabass? He's like a fixture here. I would love to give him a fairytale ending to see him go out with the Raiders on top,

but knowing Seabass, he's probably still got at least three more years in him. on top but knowing seabass he's probably still got at least three more years in him um janikowski he says um he's oh this was earlier i'm sorry yeah he says uh everybody everybody was like what's al davis doing when they drafted me first and he says but 17 years later i'm still kicking so they must have did something right so he said before um he says uh tim brown says he didn't give janikowski a chance of making it to basically he said you wouldn't last five years in the league is what he thought of janikowski yeah he says it's wild readers ever that's what i mean he said quote i'm shocked he's made it this far i thought there was no way he was going to make it this long in the league it's always amazing this uh when i see sea bass now and see how much of a gentleman he is

and how he talks about his wife and kids. My first reaction was, oh my God, his poor wife. But I realize he's a different man. He's a changed man. He's had a lot of pressure on him when he first got in Oakland and I don't think he was handling it very well. That's an understatement.

And his way of handling things was to go out and do more of what he had been doing the night before. That was the big issue. So, yeah. So people missed him on his team. 2019 in October, Seabreeze High School will induct him into their high school Hall of Fame. Wow. He's going to be a high school Hall of Famer.

How about that? He's not going to make the NFL Hall of Fame, right? I don't know. He kicked for a long fucking time. He tied the record. I don't exactly know how they treat kickers. I know they're? I don't know. He kicked for a long fucking time. He tied the record. I don't exactly know how they treat kickers. I know they're not. There's only a few in there. Yeah, they don't usually put them in that often.

But really, the past 20 years, how many can you name that you go, that guy mattered when he was in the game? Vinatieri. That's it. Yeah, he made big kicks at big times. They're the only two that mattered to the game. They're the ones that held on forever. I'm sure there's one or two.

There's a couple other, I'm sure. But those two, for sure, at the end of the game, if you're down by two, you've got a chance. You've got a shot. Yeah, they're in there. So he is there. It's also going to be Eric Weems, who is a wide receiver kick returner, who will be inducted. And he'll be overshadowed by the guy who played fucking 18 years in the NFL next to him. Well, he's like, I was pretty good in high school.

I was really good in high school. That trick knee made college tough for me. You know how it goes here. So can't get enough of Sebastian Janikowski. Wow. You can get tons of his shit on eBay. Every kind of football card, tons of jerseys, all sorts of shit, autograph, anything you want. It's all available.

He was playing last year, so it's everywhere. That's wild. So enjoy that. And that, my friends, is Sebastian Maniscalco. Maniscalco. I almost called him Sebastian Maniscalco. Sebastian Janikowski. I didn't do it the whole episode.

The Italian kicker. The Italian kicker. What are you doing? You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me. I missed it. I'm me. I missed the film. I'm embarrassed. I missed it.

I'm wearing a fishnet shirt because my nipples are out. My nipples are out. You can see my nipples. The way he says that's so funny. You can see my nipples. He's riding the vest of the game. So it's Barbizon.

You know Barbizon. That fucking accent. Yeah, I love him. If you like the show, if you had a good time, if you enjoyed all the porn names, you can tell us very easily by going over to Apple Podcasts. That purple icon. Give us five stars. Doesn't matter what you say, but say something, goddammit. It helps drive us up the charts, and we just appreciate everything you guys say and do for us.

Thank you guys for everything like that that you do. Head over to ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com for everything crime and sports and small town murder related. I'm telling you, if you're not listening to small town murder, you are missing out. Unless you listen to this show specifically for sports

statistics, then I promise you you're going to like small town murder. You're going to like it a lot. So check that out every Thursday, obviously. Listen to PS I Hate This Movie every Friday, wherever you listen to ps i hate this movie every friday wherever you listen to podcasts also on the site there tons of merch that we have on shut up and give me murder.com in addition to that tickets to live shows they've all been rescheduled you're welcome yes yeah our poor fucking agents that have to reschedule everything three times but uh

hey that's uh yeah i feel bad but uh never has a 10 been more earned than these fuckers this year so i feel bad for them like i feel bad for my fucking uh landlord because uh as soon as i can get back to road shows i'll pay you sir right that and i feel bad for everybody who's been waiting for these fucking shows thank you for waiting for them and we're sorry they keep being rescheduled it's obviously out of our hands. Nothing we can do about it. They are being rescheduled, so all the shows are going on for 2021. Check those out.

Get your tickets. We cannot wait to see you out there for live shows. It's going to be every fucking other weekend, you guys. It's going to be awesome. Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports is where you sign up to get all your Patreon episodes. First of all, you're going to get a shout out. Jimmy's going going to fuck your name up and i'm going to laugh at him for it and then in addition to that you're going to get all the wonderful bonus episodes we have so much great bonus stuff on crime and sports and small town murder and you get them all for five dollars everything between the two of them i think there's 25 something episodes from this year

of bonus stuff there's a ton of stuff and it's stuff you'd be interested in and even on the small town murder one this week's is ultra crazy i said it in the beginning of the show uh go back and listen i don't want jimmy to hear it yeah i got my headphones on got his headphones on i made him cover his ears earlier because it's going to be absolutely nuts we were going to do vince mcmahon steroid trial but i need a piece of information that i don't have yet so give me two weeks to get that that'll be the next one this is just a wild 70s swinging kind of crazy thing that jimmy's gonna love so sign up for that patreon.com slash crime and sports or if you just want to be a good guy good girl good lady good gentleman good person in general you can do that very easily

as well if you want to uh get a shout, this will still get you a shout out. If you want to donate via PayPal and just be a nice person and not get access to bonus materials, you can still do that. Use our email address, crimeandsportsatgmail.com. And if you want to follow the show, it's at Crime and Sports on Twitter and Facebook and at Small Town Murder on Instagram. But enough of that shit. We've talked about us. We've talked about Sebastian of that shit. We've talked about us. We've talked about Sebastian Janikowski. We've talked about porn.

What we haven't talked about is the list of my favorite fucking people on the face of the earth. Jimmy, kick me with them like a 60-yard field goal, please. This week's executive producers are Rebecca Manners, Joanne Ahern, Reagan Schalkley, Austin Parsons, Dallas Grimm, Brendan Keene, Chloe Rass, Alex Lecky, T. Sandison, Jules Harris, Kate with no last name, Les McKenna, Bennett Taylor, Joe Dawson, Megan McDermott, Taylor Bean, Trevor Scott, Ryan Guest, Kevin Spilker.

Thank you, Kevin. And his family. I'm not going to put out his information. But thank you, Kevin. I really appreciate it. Susanna Platt, Lisa Coltrane, Jackie Sukup, Jordan Bennett, Tracy Mitchell, Leslie Kane, Lindsay Redmond, Stephen Rood, Carrie Lombardi, and Mandy Knight. Thank you guys so much. Thank you.

We really can't do it without you. You guys so much. Thank you. We really can't do it without you. You guys are heroes. Other producers this week are Ben Kuhl, Senora Feinstein, The Fridge, Caitlin Kennedy, Carla Gale, I think that's what I did, Kim in Burbank, Alex Mercury, Marshall Hawarca, Rebecca Atkins,

Teddy O'Donovan, Bailey with no last name, Michael, God damn it, Michael Hutton, that's what that is, Amanda Nacionacion probably not cecilia craig eric berg patrick mack brandon wegner uh quesa diaz another one thank you i got you uh lisa gibbs uh jimmy lynch i think that is uh gross jambone i don't know if that's right uh dylan menifee like kurt like uh ron cummins like dan uh batoka this what what is that buttocks buttocks oves buttocks buttocks buttocks oh i'm doing my best christer or christer samuel moore uh phoebe phoebe taylor justin love jaina jaina young no Phoebe Taylor, Justin Love, Jaina Young, Arian Ford, I think, Robert Gordon, Julian Olivas.

I live in a Spanish state. There's so much Spanish spoken here. I'm an idiot. Allie Currence, I think. Ross Smith. Benedict Hutchinson. Brooks. Christy Kelly. JT Bright. Jay Penninga. Kelsey Cunningham. Shelby Kellerman. Sarah Williams.

Shane Boyd. Sandra Kaus. Christopher White. Jorge Orta, I think. Aroa. I don't know what I did. It's a T or an O. One of the two.

Those don't look alike. They're oftentimes misconstrued. Jessica Levitt. Justin Grish. Christopher White. I said that. Steph with no last name. Lulu Edmondson.

Josh Guido. Battery Flack. Flaccid? What? Karina Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata.

Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata.

Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata.

Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata. Stata.

Jennifer Campbell. Natasha Harris. Kip Soosley, Laura Timberlake, Courtney Schubel, Courtney Kimberly, Christina McWilliams, Riley, I think, Miles, Jordan Cooper, Karen Reynolds, Samantha Crutchfield, Jenna Katsaras, shit, Katsaras, Wendy Steins, Paul Hicks, Kristen Gentine, Bob bob hope probably not the one i would assume not i think he's dead i don't think he would be able to sarah yanez it'd be nice if he did right john luke toll free uh rick jacobson joanne sanderson kristin gentine i said that courtney kimberly uh trevor canar ben would know last name. Rodney Haroff. Kim McCulley. Olivia Meese, I think.

Alicia Utter. Nick with no last name. Jolene Flath. Brittany Jones. I think that, yeah, I just scribbled that out. Nathan Ebaugh. Carmina Ramirez. Jordan Ibunga.

Jonathan Leahy. David Kvitner. Nope. Kvitkick. Nope. Fuck. Carlos Sukick. Nope. Fuck. Carlos Suarez. Two tries.

Willamene Witte. Wit. Renee Quebman. Fuck. Ewan Urquhart. Sabrina Nelson. Brianna Syracuse. That can't be right, but it looks right.

Christina Rittenhour. Vicki Brenner. Bronner. Libby Baltz. B. Taylor, Michael James Ball, Chloe K., B.C., Christina Mitchell, Jake Yates, Beth with no last name, Nina Naska, Tasha Walter. God damn it. Micah Oltman, Montana Gamer, Carl Shepard, Holly Levinson, Craig Langston, Lori Riley, Harley Plummer, Turd Ferguson, Slick Rick, Jennifer with no last name, Chris Fleulinger, Nancy Pierce, Patricia Durand, John Dixon, Rebecca Handy, Julia, nope, Zuka. That's Zuka, not Julia. Thank you, John Dixon.

Truly. Jimmy can pronounce your name. Brian Goger, Matt Siegel, Jenny Sue, David Prince, Matthew, no, that's Megan Ruff, Madeline with no last name, Roger with no last name, Jessicaica sridhar sridhar kelly mitchell caitlin thara fuck curie uh cory is it curie branham i think sarah gendy lauren hilbert adrian thompson daniel king uh cole orchard oak hersey i think uh mark mar, Shiloh with no last name, Mattie Levine, Alfred Jensen, Bob Henry, Bryant Clayton, Katie Schmitz, Rob Brown, Diana Onzorino, what, and Zarina, Bianca Elena, Tony Cassano, Carlos Bueno, Shane M.,

Catherine Maldonado, no M., Catherine Maldonado, Nicholas Combat, I think. I don't know what I wrote. I'm sorry. Jen Stillman, Anna Rodrock, Joel Sanchez, Jake Antonio, Antoni Anonio. You got this, Jimmy. I'm trying. Anna Hill, Eric Berg, Brandon Maig, Mog, Kristen Mudrick, Mucho Macho, Josh Wellington, Jenna Ulrich, Evan Ferguson, Christina. No, it's Christian Collins. Good eye.

We're almost there. God damn it. Yvette Flores. Poking over to the second baseman's house. Little contact out there. Keeper Sloby and Catherine Lopez, Matthew Fernbacher, Joseph Merkel, Carissa Slater, April Hughes, Sean Griffiths, John Mize Jr., I think, Kelly Snapp, Brent Piles, Jocelyn Vega, Travis with no last name, Heather Campbell, Dominique with no last name, Rushbaugh Shaw, Greg Huffman, Mac with no last name, Colleen Edwards, Brian Rinaldi, Melody Knapp, Dan White, Cole with no last name, Jason Adams, Carl Doyle, Ashley with no last name, Meredith King, Nick Leslie, Aether Explorer, I think, Christopher Heyman, Liz Krajewski, Oleandra, nope, Oleandra, Juzniewski, probably not, Elizabeth Judy, Michael Yelton, Mark O'Donnell, Samantha Ludwig, Matt French, Renee Denny, Mary Lanners, Drew with no last name, Aiden Finnell, Megan and Jeff May, Mariah Neusch, Brianna Romero, Kaylin Bancroft, Emma Larson, Alice St. Quinton, Neil Brown,

yep, Christina Hambleton, Alex Jordan, Nate Matt, Matt Presley, Barbara, what is that, Barbara Messinger, Meissner, Brad Applegate, Olivia Gibbs, Janette

Mulder, Candy with no last name, Jack Averill, Chris DeYoung, Mangia Penny, Kelly Stoskop, Lakeland Brown, Chris Conkey, Joe Calipu, Magne, Monye, Wallacher, Michelle Hodges, Jonathan Phillips, Joe Galapagos, Chris Conkey, Kristen Wilcox, Christina Hamilton, Jessica Obie, Mike Miller, Amanda Hamilton, Dan Trevelidge, J.N. would know last name, Adam Trunnell, Michael Christensen, Colorado plant lady. I know it. Amanda Hamilton. I said that. Kevin would know last name. Laura Jones. Don Solomon. Solomon Wittes. Aaron Johnson. Chris McConneville. lady i know it amanda hamilton i said that kevin with no last name laura jones don solomon

solomon wittis uh aaron johnson chris uh mcconville nope yes mcconville sarah mcconnelly uh last home stretch katie grace uh katie nixon rob lanto rebecca etringer doreen uh no dorian helms uh hot shot motors sam Samantha Brown, Kendall Cole, Stephen Hayward, Peyton Meadows, James Marder, Allison Horrocks, Thomas Smith, Claire Meakin, I think, Christine, nope, Brandy McNeil, McNichol, Seth Spears, Dylan Banfield, Jill Lovan, Philippa Delgado, I think, Matthew Henkel, Adam Apple, Julia Evara, Terrence Schaub, Janice Hill, Patricia Arcand, Iron Tree Craftworks, Sarah Becht, Melissa Rack, Ashlyn Lang, and Bailey. You guys, we can't do it without you. You're goddamn heroes.

Thank you. Thank you, everybody, so much for everything that you do for us. Honestly, it means the world, and it means even more that we're stuck not being able to go out on the road. So thank you guys so much for what you do for us. You keep us and the show going, so we really appreciate it. Jimmy, what if they appreciated you? How could they possibly tell you?

You can find me at Whisman Sucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks, on Instagram and Twitter. Where can they find you how could they possibly tell you you can find me at wisman sucks wh isma and sucks on uh instagram and twitter where can they find oh my goodness at jimmy p is funny and uh either that or just just copy and paste my name because you're not going to fucking spell it right so just do that come back yeah just see us every week it's like maniscalco it's man it's bad stuff yeah good luck there's a lot of vowels in there triscalco unlike where uh sebastian genachowski's from that doesn't have enough vowels, I have extra that they could borrow. Would you say you have a plethora? A plethora of vowels. So with that said, keep coming back and seeing us every single goddamn week live from the Crime and Sports studios.

We will see you next week. Bye. or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.