Crime in Sports - #238 - The Mushroom Tip Of The Iceberg - The Pantslessness of Lance Rentzel

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

This week, we get a peek a man who always had it made. His family had money, he was a great athlete, even had great grades, played for the Dallas Cowboys & and married a movie star. According to him, this made him unhappy. The problem is in how he chooses to express his sadness. It's a very strange way, indeed, and it involves him, not having pants on, around people he should certainly have pants on when he's around. This is one for the ages, everybody! Be an All-American football player & class valedictorian, Mary a beautiful movie star, then expose yourself at a playground with Lance Rentzel!! Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!! Contact us on... twitter.com/[e-mail]/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/smalltownmurder#  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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strange, dark, and mysterious stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us again and again and again on Crime and Sports.

We have got quite the interesting episode for you today. Oh man, this is a fun one. The holidays we try to make fun. Yeah. You know, we're in the holiday season. Yeah. We try to make it light and fun and crazy. This is the last Crime and Sports before Christmas.

We have a real asshole. Yes, program note, we are off next week for Crime and Sports. No Crime and Sports Christmas week. There will be a small-town murder that week, though, and there will be a bonus episode of Crime and Sports, so don't worry about that. We are going to do, well, you know what? People are lonely around the holidays.

Let's do our quarterly personal ads absolutely let's do a personal ads episode next week but definitely last week's bonus was awesome on the usfl and that craziness that was a lot of fun but quickly before we get into everything because we got a lot of episode today we just want to say thank you first of all for your reviews this week they help a lot apple podcasts that purple icon five stars whatever you want to say just say it hard working heroes that's right shut up and give me murder.com is the website go there right now and you can get all sorts of stuff new merch is up there but tickets to the virtual live show a small town murder episode a real episode like when we go to a theater that's the show we're

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Right. Let's do this, Jimmy. Fantastic. Holy shit. Do we have a wild episode for you today? Like, because of the Manson thing I've been reading lately and all this different stuff, I've kind of been in this kind of 60s mindset of kind of like exploring the 60s. It's a good time to be alive. Fame in the 60s

is a weird thing. So I wanted to go back and get a guy from back then. Terrific. Who led a very weird life and we're going to talk about it this week. And this is a crazy ass episode. I don't care if you've never heard of the guy. It doesn't matter because trust me on this one. I trust you. You trust me. I hope everyone else does too.'s do it with uh thomas lance rensel oh known as lance he never

uses thomas but lance rensel okay which sounds like a it sounds like uh like a fairy tale character yeah it's hansel and gretel and lance rensel hansel gretel and Lance Renssel. Hansel, Gretel, and Lance Renssel all were out going through the woods looking for a fucking... I don't even know, looking for a... He's the guy that got away from the oven. That's what it was. Lance Renssel ran away while Hansel and Gretel met their fate. He knew better, Lance Renssel. Or Lance is the guy that saved Rapunzel.

Yeah, one of the two. Either that or Lance went up to the witch and went, I know a couple of kids. They look pretty tasty. He sold them of kids. They look pretty tasty. He sold them to her. They look pretty tasty. When you hear Lance's story, that's not that far-fetched. That would probably be the most likely scenario, put it that way. So Lance Renzel, born October 14, 1943.

So he's an older guy. He was playing football in the 60s in the NFL and in the 70s. He is born in Oklahoma. Born in Oklahoma City oh and he's a real kind of he's a real country boy kind of oklahoma kind of guy yeah kind of blonde hair yeah you know likes to play his football and just you know all right kind of an oklahoma kind of guy but he's also a rich kid oh that's the other thing he's not like he doesn't he's not like a ranch hand or anything like that rich rich uh Southerners are a different breed.

It's a different breed. Yeah, it's different. He's one of three sons, and his father was a, what's called in the newspaper, a prominent business consultant. Okay. So, yeah. His dad's not like a cattle man who comes in with a big hat on. He's like, come on, son. We're going to go buy some acres.

Like, that's not what he is. He's a suit and tie guy yeah different from oklahoma from oklahoma yeah just a different type of suit he's just got those leather triangles on the shoulder that's what it is well you have to have that otherwise no one will hire you there jimmy it's like not what is he gonna not have a bolo tie on is he gonna have a tie made of a tie or is he gonna have two strings held together by a fucking class come on rich southerners are fun because they are extreme one way or the other on like political wise and it's like a very rich liberal from the south is funny they're ted turner or george wallace that's who you get like there's no there's no in between. There isn't down there. There's no moderate rich person. Nope.

Doesn't exist. Ted Turner. Or George Wallace. That's all you're getting. That's fantastic. At a Klan rally or like, you know. At a Black Panther rally as like the token white guy. Yeah.

One or the other. Passing around a corncob pipe full of weed. That's what Ted Turner. With cookies and punch. around a corncob pipe full of weed that's what ted turner punch ted turner smoked weed out of a corncob pipe in the cnn corporate towers unbelievable and that was how like in the 70s and 80s when he would like make a deal with somebody he would bring him in to smoke weed out of the corncob the corncob pipe that was how he would close a deal and if you wanted to get with ted turner you had to go smoke weed out of a corncob pipe with him and he's a billionaire and you want his

business you want to work with him so i guess i'll smoke ted's corncob pipe weed it was probably good weed he's a billionaire i was just gonna say i hope it's not too strong it's probably great i hope it's not too great you know that's wonderful walking out of there never smoking weed before and being boys out of your mind. I read a couple stories of guys saying they weren't weed smokers, and by the end of the deal, they don't even know what deal they made. Got in and out of seven elevators. I have no idea where I am. I don't know what's going on, but Ted seemed happy.

I thought I was leaving. I'm back in the same room with Ted. Here I am. So Lance grows up in Cassidy, Oklahoma, is uh where he goes and he goes to private school he goes to a k through 12 private school oh which those k through 12s creep me out a little bit that's a little weird i don't know if i've ever seen one of those really that's k through 12 private oh yeah those are very common i've only seen i mean i've seen plenty of k through six yeah k through eight and then you go to a high school private

no yeah it's there's like that but there are k-12 which is fascinating very strange and expensive and weird yeah it's probably expensive 13 years of a bill for his parents yeah at the cassidy school which was the uh that's the the private school of the area he will make great pains of just to try to tell everyone that he's not he wasn't just a spoiled rich kid though he had to work hard and he's tough and he's not a spoiled rich kid not a spoiled rich kid but by all accounts he's a very spoiled rich kid just absolutely pampered coddled yeah and yeah especially for back then yeah he was like he they treated him like people treat kids now okay but then so that was he was like the only kid being treated like that you know giving everything and very much having his ass kissed yeah there's a very prominent

cnn attorney that grew up here that i went to school with and his parents were loaded unbelievably rich and they sent him to like the the to these shitty public schools that I went to. And even everybody then knew that this kid's going to be pretty fucking important. And true to his word, he is. He's very important. Money helps. But they sent him to all these shitty schools until high school where he went to Brophy, of course. Yeah, yeah.

Then they sent him to the prep school. Right. And he went to fucking harvard yeah that's you have to go there to go there that's how that works now rensel though he goes to this wonderful school and athletics are his thing as he's about six foot two when he grows up which in the back then's very tall big dude that's a real big guy in in 1962. Probably a wall of a man. And a strapping kind of a guy. He's not a big, giant, like an offensive lineman. Later on in the NFL, he'll be a wide receiver. So, I mean, he's a speed guy, but he's a big, strapping dude, especially for back then.

And he ends up being a four-sport letterman in high school, which is pretty impressive. Football, baseball, basketball, and track. Jesus. Did everything. Just an athlete, an all-around athlete. He really is a great athlete. He's really fast. He's a good all-around athlete.

And he's a high school All-American as well in football at halfback. Got it. So he comes up as a running back. That's where he goes to college. He goes to college as a running back. He'll even get drafted into the NFL as a running back. That's where he goes to college. He goes to college as a running back. He'll even get drafted into the NFL as a running back. Really? Yeah, it's interesting.

And he ends up playing wide receiver. Wide receiver, yeah, ends up being his thing because he's super fast. He's like 6'2". Why are we making him a running back? And also back then he had to be super durable to be a running back. Maybe he's not that. That's the other thing, too. He does have a lot of injuries.

So a running back seems like the guy who gets hit on every play doesn't seem like the smart thing to do. Maybe just have him run a little bit. So he's a high school All-American halfback. I looked up Cassidy School. They call it an independent coeducational college preparatory school located in Oklahoma City. And it serves pre-kindergarten through 12th grade so there's like four-year-olds and 18-year-olds intermixing together which is such a strange thing i understand they're probably not in the same wing but still in the same

building is still strange right very uh i mean and putting that weird shit together in the same building is that's even weirder because they're rich fucktards that can actually talk to each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, who knows? They can relate. Kindergarteners talking, preschoolers talking to seniors about investment portfolios. I don't know what rich kids talk about. Whatever the fuck.

That's what they talk about. Date rape and portfolios, right? That's all. In my mind, growing up, you'd think rich kids, it's just all date rape and portfolios. Date rape portfolios and beer too too early and new convertibles yeah that's all so uh other people that went to this school actually some prominent people yeah the oklahoma city thunder owner clay bennett went to the school okay so rich fucks hard rich yeah now you know that from what uh larry j larry nichols which

he's using his first name as an initial which is a terrible sign always never a good sign right uh he is the co-founder of devon energy so that sounds the power company that's uh yeah that sounds pretty big jerk off uh yeah uh megan malali the actress who the she's terrific she's hilarious yeah she is she was will and grace that was the show she was she was on she was always like a Megan Mullally, the actress who... She's terrific. She's hilarious. So funny. Yeah, she is. She was Will and Grace. That was the show she was on. She was always like a character.

Right. The drunk, loud mouth that's hilarious. Before that, she always was like a guest person. She'd be on Frasier for an episode, I mean, this for an episode, and she was always that. I love her. Yeah, she's fucking hilarious.

I love a drunk woman. Oh, she's funny, too. Just a drunk woman that says what's on yeah she was funny and she was cute back in the day too yeah good for her and lance rensell so those are the four that went there that's it that's the main alumni those are the notable alumni that wikipedia has to offer and he's probably got the smallest bank account of the three or four absolutely wait Absolutely. Wait till I tell you the story. Are you kidding? He's on our show, Jimmy. Are we doing a show about Megan Mullally's crimes or Clay Bennett?

I'm sure Clay Bennett's done some things to get to the point. And J. Larry Nichols. It's a fucking energy company. There's fucking dead Native Americans somewhere. Untold bodies in his wake. In a mass grave because of this guy, I'm sure. But we don't know about it yet not yet so anyway he uh yeah he said growing up cassidy oklahoma he earned 12 varsity letters

total in football baseball that's a lot that's one for every year three for each one yeah for every year that he was varsity okay all of them so and uh also had great grades as we'll talk about and won awards for piano playing oh as well he's a pianist i love that i do he's a pianist and that just fits him so well for later i wish i was any good at that i wish i could play anything i can't play anybody playing a piano i'm impressed because i'm like there's eight what is it 82 keys what is it i don't even know how many keys there are there's a lot of them that's a shitload of i don't know what most of them do right that's the problem that's where i'm at i'm like how do you know to do that i don't know how to do that and for how long you know that any instrument guitar piano in particular it's fucking it looks and there's like a section of it that's the same as the next section and the next section.

88, because that was the name of the guy from Dick Tracy. Put at least a piano. You press a button. You press a key, and it makes a fucking noise. And then you can put that noise together with another noise, and it makes sense. That makes sense to me. I can't do it, but it makes sense. Drums make sense.

You hit that drum, and it makes that noise. Guitars and things like violins and shit. So it it sounds like that but then i can do this and move that it sounds totally different well how the fuck do i know how hard to press and what to do i can't take it yeah but a guitar and a piano same family how about that that's enough why does that blow your mind that's fucking incredible i took because they can make the same amount of notes with a guitar that you can with a piano yeah it's just the different frets and shit make the different thing i it's not in high school i went to a semester of high school in arizona and they had a guitar class in high school and you tried it i went there and i had a guitar and i had tried to play guitar before and i

couldn't so i said oh it's a whole semester so if i buckle down i'll learn something what i knew by the end of the class was the last thing we learned because every day whatever they taught me would replace whatever i had before so i could learn anything yeah for one day but i had no then they were like okay now put that with the thing from yesterday i'm like i don't know what we did yesterday my fingers don't do what we did yesterday we just wiped that memory card i don't know how to do that i'm playing the beginning of enter sandman and that's what i got i don't know the other one now right that's what my problem is my thumb drive was full so i erased it now we filled the thumb drive with this every stay for a whole semester i wiped my memory clean i knew what we did on the last day i sucked oh god i

finally sold the guitar it's a confusing instrument though i can't people that can do that i'm blown away i will stare at you all day if you can draw or play music it's magic i don't know what you're doing yeah i don't know what you're doing at all so uh lance here he knew what he was doing and in addition to the piano to his pianist accomplishments and all of his sporting accomplishments pianistic his pianistic exploits yeah that is perfect by the way that's the name of this episode pianistic exploits because wait till you hear correct so he was the valedictorian of the school as well he is so pretty fucking impressive guy as far as in high school if that's your kid yeah you're going well he's got 12 letters he's an accomplished

pianist and he's the valedictorian you're going holy christ i've done my part i'm good yeah i'm sorry he could kill 80 women at this point and you'd go well i mean when he in high school he was a good guy did my what do you want me to do i can't help what the world did to him right at that point so uh he ends up getting a lot of scholarship offers from everybody because i mean christ his grades and his sports he's amazing he's yeah anybody wants him he accepts a scholarship from the home school obviously that's the university of oklahoma so not oklahoma state that's the yeah oh you is the big one the sooners is where you want to go okay fucking osu is they're fine but they're not they're not they're the, but they're not. They're the Cowboys.

They're not OU. They're not the Sooners. Got it. So nobody screams fucking Boomer Cowboy at us during a fucking show if you're in Dallas. I still don't know what it means. I don't either. And a man shouted it as he was executed even as we saw an episode. Strange thing.

This is Bud Wilkinson is the coach who's a famous famous successful coach and giant asshole as all successful college coaches were back then right they were you just hear stories of how they would torture people and they go great coach that bear brian he killed 12 students one summer right while they did a camp is a terrific coach no national champs what are you gonna do unless he won every year not a good coach by like a lot unless every year they were undefeated and win him by 40 points right maybe that's not the way to approach it so uh yeah he he's given everything handed everything he's given a brand new car to drive to college as a freshman that sort of shit he never he figures it out later that he

never really had to strive for anything or try for anything if it didn't come easy he didn't do it because a lot of things came easy if all every sport comes easy and school comes easy then why try shit that's not easy yeah you know all this stuff gets me praise, and it's easy. So screw it. So he did that. 1962, he shows up at Oklahoma. And he, like an asshole in his freshman year, decorates his dorm room with tons of high school trophies, all of his high school trophies, which gets him laughed at by the entire football team. You're a jerk-off.

Who cares about that? Those are prizes for beating high school kids. Yeah. Now it's all the good ones are all here now now do that and we all have that yeah so he would end up he said he ended up like laughing at it like people someone pointed out they were laughing at me he goes oh yeah what am i doing like that that is stupid right sent his shit home he describes his uh his three-year stint here in Oklahoma University under Bud Wilkinson. He talks about it. He's one practice he describes in particular. This is what they did back then.

This is August of 1962. So this is when he was first on the team. Redshirted your freshman year. So it's a sophomore year. First kind of spot on the team here. He ordered a Bud Wilkinson, ordered a full pad scrimmage, so full on like a game in 100 degree and humid heat in the middle of the summer. In Oklahoma.

In Oklahoma. That's some sticky heat if you've been to Oklahoma. And basically, Renssel said, this is according to him, that two players lost all the salt in their bodies and coiled up on the floor in agony. They were dying. That's not their salt. salt that's their water that's what he called yeah lost everything all the minerals another player went wild and tried to beat up bud wilkinson with his fists he physically attacked him and other coaches had to hold him back because he like lost his mind out in the heat and he was like fucking this is crazy it's called heat stroke

yeah at the end of practice he said quote the field was covered with bodies that could not rise so this is uh that's a great coach huh terrific he'd go to prison for that now if he did that to college kids the ncaa would fucking sanction him he would be out that's terrible indefinite suspension and uh probably jail time something people would sue what is that that's there'd be lawsuits filed is that it's a lot it's a lot of murder you could really make a case for a lot back then that was the common thing that'll toughen them up right yeah now they're dehydrated it's gonna take three days for them to get their bodies back together toughen them up good real smart so uh he doesn't take it anything seriously lance that's his problem everything's

kind of a hey what are we doing here you know kind of a joke it's all easy for him as a sophomore uh he he's gonna play his first game and he was injured so his first game is going to be against texas which is a huge rivalry, OU and Texas. So it's the number. And they're the number two ranked team to Texas. So it's a big deal this year. And Renssel, there was no room for like the reserve players on the team plane. So basically, it was like, well, I'm seeing Dallas boys like or wherever the fuck Texas

Austin. There you go. See in Austin, boys, like'm seeing Dallas boys like or wherever the fuck Texas Austin. There you go. See in Austin boys like find a way to get there. Yeah. So he most of the guys like drove. He hitchhiked down there for some reason. Stop that. He has a new car.

I don't know why he decided to hit. Everybody was hitchhiking in the 60s. It was the most common thing in the world. Yeah. Remember, we were talking about the Manson family in the bonus episode for small town murder and the the whole thing wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for hitchhiking right like the dennis wilson and texas especially dennis wilson dennis wilson found the two girls who got him into the family hitchhiking right and then was picked up by tex colson and that's how tex colson met charles

manson watson isn't it or watson sorry yeah colson that's the he's a one of nixon's guys that's colson sorry one of the watergate people he gets picked up by tax and then he initiates sex into this shit that's he said you got to meet charlie he's the wizard and brought him over to his house and then that's what ended up happening god damn it and then you can go from there right so super weird stop hitchhiking and that's how uh kemper picked up every woman that he murdered hitchhiking was how many murders were caused by hitchhiking really that's how uh kemper picked up every woman that he murdered hitchhiking was how many murders were caused by hitchhiking really why anybody did that in the first it'll be fine yeah it's just another person as soon well back then it was like no one's gonna kill you what i mean as soon as you can see a psycho jimmy i mean look at him

that's just unbelievable it's the weirdest shit yeah we were really trustworthy or trusting i don't know which it is and as soon as hitchhiking waned in favor you know the murder rate probably went down 75 all hitchhiking murders so he hitchhiked down there the day before the game and uh he spent the games on a saturday obviously he spent the whole friday night partying what just drinking his ass off having a good time you would if you made it there you'd be like i can't believe i did this i'm getting hammered this is terrific yeah and he doesn't think he's playing either okay he says that his uh his point was before he was going to hitchhike down there and tell the coach he quits oh that was the thing he was going down there to quit he was tired of it he didn't like he was injured the coach treated him like shit and he just he just wasn't into the

whole thing well that's a long trip for yeah for i quit it wasn't easy it wasn't easy jimmy so he didn't want to do it that's how it worked so he was like this is this is hard i don't want to do it so okay literally hitchhiked down there because he didn't care he did it at a real casual pace went down the day before got shit hammered didn't care was gonna just go in the next morning go ah i quit coach fuck you goodbye right going back to oklahoma okay and instead he gets down there um and he says quote i walked up to him talking about bud wilkinson in street clothes and was about to tell him but he told me to go try go in and try a play. This was at the pre thing. He said,

Robbie Fletcher, who was the fourth string quarterback, took the ball in the halfback position and heaved it downfield and I was nowhere close to it. Wilkinson told me, you're not good enough to be on the traveling squad, but if you get down to Dallas,

we might try this play out. So you're not good enough for us to put on the plane. But if you can fucking hitchhike, walk or take the bus down to Dallas and you find your way to the stadium, I might you do if you can if you can fucking hitchhike walk or take the bus down to dallas and you find your way to the stadium i might have a play or two for you what a casual team is this where they used to play the longhorns is that who it is yeah i don't know if they they might have had it in dallas got it and then oh because it's a big got it market yeah that's where oklahoma big yeah it's a big rivalry place it's yeah you know what i was that where they played when we went they were we in dallas when they came

when that dude came because that was the rivalry game and that's where it was played at was in dallas maybe yeah i think it was played at texas yeah that's right there was so many people we were in dallas and that's where the guy screamed it yeah we weren't in austin no and that was because yeah you're right you're right that's what happens that's they play that shit in dallas bitch someone will tweet us and correct us it doesn't matter well we've done it now so we really stepped in it yeah we did we definitely did we fucked it up now he said yeah so we might try this play out so renzel said he didn't take it seriously okay he's like he's not gonna fucking put me in the game i'm gonna go down there i'm gonna quit he said though that uh there was a girl he wanted to impress that was uh headed south and

so he you know figured he'd tell him tell her that yeah give me a ride i'm on the oklahoma football team and maybe it'll impress her and i can hook up with her right so he says quote the engine froze up somewhere around uh past ardmore and he said we walked about four miles i remember walking across the red river bridge thinking the weekend was just falling apart a farmer in a pickup truck picked us up this is a crazy this is the beginning of a weird story and we drove back we rode in the back with a pig and a chicken to gainesville planes trains and automobiles yeah this is what's going on to try to get to a football game to maybe get a play in if you're there i spent fifty dollars on a cab to get to dallas that's a

shitload of money back then that's like six hundred dollars back then right um and began an almost impossible search for a hotel room as we know i'm well aware we've done that i was so discouraged about the weekend that i went to a party and drank a lot of beer. That's what he did the night before. He said that he also went to the state fair, as we'll talk about, because he got to the stadium. He said he used his last dollars to get to the stadium in a cab, and the security guard wouldn't let him in. Because his name wasn't in the program. He didn't even have a list. He't that the guy had the he didn't even

have a list he said the program and he was like i don't see you in here buddy and so he tried four times going to each fucking entrance nobody would let him in so he ended up going to the texas state fair which was going on nearby right in the tilt world instead and wandered around he went and wandered around he ate hot dogs somehow he got some some hot dogs out of the deal you're not supposed to be hung over eating hot dogs before a huge game like that but it's a bad idea yeah finally though uh he's doing all this and an ou trainer arrived at during one of his attempts to try to get in after he had gone to the fair then he went back to the stadium to give it another shot and the trainer walked in and was walking up and was like, no,

he's with us. Yeah, he can come in. And so they fucking let him in. Otherwise he had no way of getting in. He couldn't like text bug Bud Wilkinson. It's 1964, 1962. Yeah. There's no way to get ahold of this guy.

He couldn't even, and the security guards weren't going to be like, yeah, we'll call the head coach for you. They were like, you get out of here, kid. Sure. Why? Sure. You are.

Yeah, some 19-year-old kid standing there. So he goes, and he's in there, and he suits up. And somehow, he said, much to his surprise, Wilkinson sent him into the game at the end of the first half. And he says, quote, I got to the huddle and didn't know what to do. That's not good at all. Not at all. He said, I asked Robbie, are you scared?

He didn't answer. And I asked him again. His eyes were as big as saucers. This is the quarterback. And so at that point, he ended up catching a 39-yard pass on that play. Yeah. He said, I kept running and running and decided to turn around. And just as the ball hit me in the chest, it was pure luck.

It's just rad. Hey, oh, shit. Yeah, fuck. It hit me. I got beer and Nathan's hot dogs burps. And now I got. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus.

He said, if I turn around an instant later, it would have hit me in the head and I would have been laughed off the field. He wouldn't even turn around. There's no way we hit that pass again if we tried it a thousand times. Wow. That's pretty hilarious. He said, I got back to the huddle and i was tired and had a headache he's hung over his balls and he's eating hot dogs i really wanted to get out of there i said hey how about we try the same play to the other side and that was a 34 yard pass that turned out to be uh oklahoma's

lone touchdown for the day. What do you want to do? I don't know. Do that again? Let's just reverse it. Let's just reverse it. I don't know. How about that? My head hurts.

I'll be over there. And it works. If we don't do this, I'm going to throw up. Yeah. I'm going to puke. And he got a touchdown. He got a touchdown. They lost the game 9-6, but that was their only score was that touchdown.

So he's a hero. He's a hero. He said, if I had a most treasured moment of my time at OU, that would be it. My life went down an entirely different path because of that game. There was no way I was going to quit after that. And that's the thing. Him turning around for one second late at the right time

really leads to a lot of weird shit going on. How about that? He would have just been a guy you'd never heard of that quit the oklahoma football team and probably would have got a job would have went to college would have got a job where his dad would have you know nepotism somewhere he would have been sitting in some office with a suit on he would have done fine making a ton of money i'm sure he would have entered in as some like junior vice president you know some bullshit like that if we never started these podcasts no no no no no he wouldn't be homeless he would be he'd be fine he just wouldn't be like if we never started these podcasts. No, no, no, no, no, no. He wouldn't be homeless.

He would be fine. He just wouldn't have had the same life at all. He would have just been like a successful Oklahoma City businessman, which is not quite what he was looking for. Taylor Swift is soaring high, her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on

a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin,

then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from SmartLess Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends

as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'd learn that that's the sciency term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink roller coaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. So it turns out those are the only two passes he caught all season.

Really? Yeah, but it gave the coach, looked at him differently than after that, though. It's the guy who came through in the clutch. 62, Oklahoma's 8-3, and they go all the way to the Orange Bowl, and they lose 17-0 to Alabama in the Orange Bowl, which is Bear Bryant. So his training camp's crazier. I killed more players than you, so we win. 17-0. 17 dead players to zero i win

i'll lynch two linemen i swear to god i didn't i'm not taking no shit and they were white i don't even this wasn't a racial thing we just said god damn you missed that goddamn block again i'm gonna string you up and we did i'm gonna show you tucker i don't believe in racial inequality but i will hang a fat offensive lineman at the drop of a hat now don't get me wrong no matter the color no matter no matter uh he also finished with two receiving or two rushing touchdowns that year as well because he was mainly a running back. The season ends with the Oklahoma initiation. Oh, boy. Which is about the craziest thing I have ever heard in my life.

Jam handfuls of sand up guys' asses? That would be better than what... Oh, I'm not even kidding. Wait till you hear this, Jimmy. Oh, my. There would be so many prison sentences handed down if anyone did anything like this. The university would be shut down.

They wouldn't have a football team anymore. If this isn't fraternities, this is just the football team. This is, this is the football team. This is not a, you know, and we've heard plenty about,

you know, broomsticks up the asses and things like this. This is the worst thing I've ever heard. Buckle up everybody. Okay. Okay. Uh, this is for first,

all first year varsity letterman. So you finish your season you get your letter and then they do this to you this is to initiate you mattered to the team this is to show that that you matter now we appreciate you yeah good job for making it now let's completely you wouldn't want to make it if you knew this was coming okay they're ordered to crawl backwards for 50 yards okay first of all which i mean that's annoying but you're an in shape 19 year old kid you should be able to do that probably stings your calves a little bit a little bit but i mean you know what that's just oh ha ha ha do that oh look

at you you fell you got off your balance i mean that's one of those things maybe they get tangled up once in a while somebody falls gets in the other guy's way that would be nothing except he says you did that with quote grapes up our asses so plural or just one grapes oh boy grapes up our asses like a bunch i don't know if they're individual grapes pushed in one at a time or if they cram a whole bunch of them in there i don't know how they would do that on the stem i feel like they would probably burst a lot of them so but either way i wonder if it's just one grape between your cheeks or is it in the in the stink star up our asses not in our asses yeah i feel like they dipped them in castor oil and just fucking lube it in i got 26 of them up in the wide receiver. So they're... Oh, boy.

Oh, that's nothing. That's the beginning. So you crawl backwards 50 yards with grapes up your ass. Up your ass. Right. Okay. That's the start. That's stage one.

During this, you are also... I don't even know how to... How do you collect this? Where did they get this from? Where did they get this from? Think about if you're a woman and you're asked for this okay they are forced to quote drink menstrual fluid wait wait how do they collect this what is they have like the cheerleading squad has to like fucking line up or what i don't know how they do this period blood yes oh boy that's what they're making shots

or like chugs i don't know if this is like a milkshake or if we're doing a smoothie or they mix fruit in it at all but keg stands of it i don't know how much but some while you're while you're crawling backwards with grapes up your ass you chug this at the same time this is during this okay that's not all oh boy that's not all while this is happening while you're trying to drink this and having grapes up your asses crawling backwards, you are, quote, constantly shocked with a battery-powered cattle prod. How do you even move? How do the grapes not come out?

And how do you keep the liquid in the cup? Well, if they come out, you've got to put them back and start over. That's the point. You've got to get through this gauntlet to now you're part of the squad there oh my the coaches you would think they would not know about this this would be like a team only thing no no no they observed as well to quote ensure that the proceedings didn't get too sadistic well that's too sadistic how much more do you want what would be too sadistic let's cut this guy's foot off what else could you do this is horrible oh he's shocking him with a cattle prod after he anally fucking violated him and made him drink fucking people's bodily fluids and this is insane i don't like them calling it

menstruation no that's what he i use a quote from yeah i get it again sounds like like transmission fluid yeah it doesn't even sound like what i'd rather probably drink at least it didn't come from a person yeah at least it didn't come from a i don't want to drink anything that came out of another human being this is terrible this is terrible and that's because we like you that's because you did good think about if we ate you yeah that's what i. What happens if you're not a popular member of the team? I'd rather be shitty and be cut. That's what I mean.

So 1963, he's made it through. Jesus Christ. The team goes 8-2. They don't go to a bowl, which is super weird because a team like Oklahoma can go to a bowl. I don't know if they put in a bid for a bowl that didn't work out so then it was too late or if they didn't want this. two you'd think that any bowl would want you there because you probably got diehard fans for that oh yeah and you're 10th in the they were 10th in the ap poll they finished

too so i don't know why there was no bowl for them but who knows why uh he he rushed for 59 rushes that year 59 carries and 387 yards 6.6 yards of carry which is pretty good and two touchdowns very versatile they like to you know he was good at catching passes out of the backfield because he's fast yeah also he's a uh punt and kick returner and the team's primary punter as well my god so yeah he's a punter halfback wide receiver kick which he's a very versatile guy he's a cog in this machine yeah absolutely he's a valuable guy to have on your team especially in college and the pros they don't know really where that translates to but um yeah he also passes for eight he has eight passes that year too four for eight for 58 yards and an interception oh so they i don't know they had him probably an

option play i would assume some sort of wildcat formation something so 1964 uh he this they they oklahoma has a problem with guys getting kicked off the team and people uh leaving the team there's a lot of uh yeah a lot of strife going on there they also have a shitload of this is kind of oklahoma in the early 60s is one of the one of the main beds of steroids. This is where steroids came from. Here and then one of the guys who was introducing this eventually went out to San Diego to work with the Chargers and introduce steroids to the NFL. But in this Oklahoma, these guys were, a lot of them are on steroids. Like most of them are on a shitload of

steroids and this is Diana ball this is just fucking mass here you go here's a bunch of muscles do they get that stuff from like the cattle industry is that what is that the start of it who knows I don't know where they ended up getting it but a thing um yeah even Lance Renssel said that he was juiced up in 1964 as well. So even the running back, who's like a flanker running back back there, who's a speed guy, is even juicing in 1964. Everybody is on the team. It's wild.

I don't know about everybody, but the team only goes 6-4-1, so I guess it doesn't help that much. Maybe drink some more of that fluid. Maybe. That's possible. Get the cattle brought out. Seem to do better the year before exactly with the with the fluid drinking they do go to the gator bowl that year

okay and lose to florida state 36 to 19 during his senior year he is the team's top receiver which is only 268 receiving yards they were like an all-running team uh they he was also the punter he averaged 40.5 yards a punt. That's great. That's a really good average, actually. He had 491 rushing yards, which was second on the team, and 5.4 yards a carry, which was second only to Gale Sayers, who is a Hall of Fame legendary amazing running back.

One of the best ever. Yeah, so not too shabby. He's also the conference's number three receiver at conference that is a number two punter in the conference so uh pretty goddamn good i would say uh they go to the gator bowl only lance does not get to play in the gator bowl he and four other players are not allowed to play in the gator bowl because apparently they signed undated professional contracts and uh they signed contracts with because they're going to go in right so you sign a deal with it they found out about it and that so they're not

allowed to play wow so yeah they because there was such a lapse between the end of the season and the bowls sure that's what they would do you don't know when it's going to happen this was very common they'd signed before the bowl sure so now they're disqualified for playing in the gator bowl so well that's also pretty fucked up because that i mean that it doesn't really matter to signed before the bowl sure so now they're disqualified for playing in the gator bowl so well that's also pretty fucked up because that i mean that it doesn't really matter to them never mind i mean that's their last game anyway that's their last game they probably wanted to play i assume but i mean at that point why would you want to when you're risking life and limb for this yeah they didn't look at it back then though like that as much the injury wasn't as much of a threat back

then for some reason they didn't they never looked at it they had to play they want they used to play a game every year where the super bowl champion would play the college a college team wow every year imagine if they did that now they would never let super bowl champions play a football game against kids no it would never happen a for the injured safety of those children and for the safety for the safety of these guys some kid takes his knee out rely on these guys some of these guys won't even make the nfl and rely on most of them right rely on them to to abide by the rules and not hit late that's bullshit no way so that's it back then it was just games were games people played games uh he was named all this is to go over all of his achievements at Oklahoma,

he was named one of 10 outstanding freshmen. He made the Dean's List, three varsity letters for football, obviously. Was an all Big Eight halfback, so all conference. Played in the Senior Bowl, which is the college all-star game there. He was on the college all-star squad and was listed as well in the quote who's who in american colleges and universities so even through college he's doing great he does great everybody likes him he's handsome he's beloved he's a great athlete he's smart he's everything is so fucking easy for him so the nfl is never like that though it's a little harder this is what he says about college

after all of that seems like he did well he says that um about the whole thing he said what had i really learned in those four years nothing so he says college was a complete waste for him okay didn't learn shit uh now there's an article here before the draft saying the two most versatile players are lance rensell and gail sayers there's a whole article about how you want rensell or sayers as as your guy if you're you want a versatile player and they're saying rensell sayers is a better pure running back sure because i mean good god is he amazing but they're actually comparing rensell favorably to him saying rensell can do everything so if you need him to catch out of the backfield he's great at that he can even be your punter yeah like they're actually

like it's really weird the one thing says sarah's does everything but punt rensell does everything period ah literally that's hilarious punting punt motherfucker what do you got on that sayers including punt yeah with your hall of fame ass What are you doing with your world-class speed and amazing moves? Enjoy your career. So the 1965 NFL draft comes around here. And number one overall, Jimmy? Yeah, Sayers. No.

Who? Tucker Fredrickson. Oh, my. Yeah, nice pick, Giants. Good job. Out of where? He's a running back from Auburn who played in 66 career games and had a grand total of 2,209 rushing yards.

A lineman? A running back. Oh, wow. Number one overall. Terrible. Number two, San Francisco picks Ken Willard. Oh, my. Another running back who at least he played 132 games

but not exactly lighting the world on fire that's a great career doing that number three overall is dick butkus okay so there's your hall of fame iconic unbelievable guy yeah one of the you know is he drafted by the bears yeah drafted by the bears whole year career there number four overall isn't the bears have this pick as well what yeah they might probably trade it or something yeah trade. Trade picks. Gale Sayers. All right. So they got Butkus and Sayers back to back. Hall of Fame, Hall of Fame.

Yeah, two Hall of Famers in the same draft. Oh, my. Which is pretty impressive. Number five overall, Craig Morton, who you might know as the later Broncos quarterback for their 70 Super Bowl runs. Wow. Yeah, Craig Morton was drafted. How much longer did he play after that?

A long time. Yeah. To 1982, he played. Goddamn 15 year career 16 he's drafted by dallas and ended up later on in uh in denver obviously joe namath number 12 overall all right by st louis and they knew they picked him that he only was so far down is because they knew the afl was paying more money and he was going to go there so i mean otherwise finally second round number 23 overall by the way that's the second round now that's first round right number 23 overall lance rensell how about so yeah he is chosen and there's i mean he's chosen with the pretty high pretty good group there uh yeah and i was looking in the

third round fred belitnikoff was in the third round really you could have had him was a hall of fame wide receiver yeah marty schottenheimer in the fourth round the coach there angry little man he's great i confused him with the ballet dancer when i was a child really so yeah because i watched nfl films and i would see belitnikoff and then there was baryshnikov yeah and i thought they were the same person oh my the same way i thought eddie murray and eddie murphy were the same person. The same way I thought Eddie Murray and Eddie Murphy were the same person. We were talking when I was like four. Eddie Murray and Eddie Murphy I thought were the same

person. And I thought Eddie Murphy was the most hilarious person in the world and then he also hits 35 home runs a year and switch hits. I thought Eddie Murphy was Superman when I was like five. Because I was like he's I was like, he's hilarious and he hits 300.

This is amazing. Like, how the fuck does he do that? How does he have time for all this? I remember as a kid going, how does he do everything? Like, it was the most amazing thing. And I thought that the ballet dancer was also the wide receiver when I was a child. It's like, wow, he came over here to dance ballet and they got him into football. That's cool.

Like, that was as a five year old-old, that was my event, Sally. It must have went. I don't know what I was thinking. Now, the AFL draft is going on at the same time, American Football League. This is a rival league, and at this point, they are competing tooth and nail for talent. I mean, they are huge contracts going back and forth. This is kind of where money started to swell because there was competition. You couldn't just pay a guy whatever you wanted.

You could go to the other league and make more. So why the hell would he take your money? This Joe Namath goes number one overall here and ends up obviously playing in the AFL for the Jets and becoming a legendary Hall of Famer. Kansas City drafted Gale Sayers. Really? Actually, also number five overall, but he doesn't sign there. Also, Dick Butkus drafted by Denver, Jimmy. Oh, God damn it.

Denver, but he went to the Bears. Of course he did. Bolitnikoff drafted by Oakland here, and that's where he ended up going. He stayed there for his whole career. Yeah, he ended up actually doing that. So, yeah, I just wanted to do that. And then sixth round, end of the sixth round by Buffalo, Lance Renssel is picked. All right.

So he's been chosen by both leagues, which gives him leverage. Yeah, sure. Which is good for him, actually. He is thinking maybe he won't even play football. Oh, boy. He thought about for a while until he got signed. He was a mathematics major in college, which that's not a lot of football players doing that. On the Dean's List. On the Dean's List, who's also interested in computer science in the mid-60s when that was like

the beginning of it cutting edge and uh he thought for a while that he might try to enter the harvard graduate business school because he had gone to his prep school and everything he's he's a valedictorian he might actually get in he's a great student and especially with all his athletic feats and everything they'll let him in. And we'll talk about it. He also has a song copy written when he was 15 years old. 15. As well.

Yeah, we'll talk about that. It's not Happy Birthday. And it's not Happy Birthday. He would have been crushing it if he was. But he ended up saying that once he got into it, he was like, you know, I'm going to stay and play football and not be male, legally blonde, basically. This is the second time he almost quit. He almost quit again. Yeah.

It's hard, Jimmy. So he plays for the Vikings. That's who he's drafted by, Minnesota. And that's who he goes and plays for. His first year, they are 7-7 under coach Norm Van Brocklin, who's a Hall of Fame player. Fran Tarkenton is the quarterback, who's another Hall of Fam famer this is the beginning of his career fran tarkington and uh rensel right away has problems in minnesota he's injured all the time oh no always hurt uh hurt so often his teammates named the whirlpool you know where you go sit in quote the ss rensel because he was always

in it because he's always banged up hilarious yeahilarious. Yeah. They said he hated him. Norm Van Brocklin, the coach, didn't like him. Didn't like his attitude. Didn't like his blonde hair and what he called his carefree attitude. And he called him Joe College. He said he just acts like a college kid. He's not a pro. Joe College.

Joe College over here. Don't even call him by anything that is related to him. Just Joe College over here because he's just a him by anything that is related to him. Just Joe College over here. He's just a college kid. Didn't care about him enough. He does play in 11 games, but he's a backup running back, and he's kind of a kick returner and has a lot of injuries and all sorts of shit like that.

He does, though, in his rookie year, set the record for the longest kickoff return in franchise history. How far is it? 101 yarder. Oh, from end zone to end zone. End zone to end zone on longest kickoff return in franchise history how far is 101 yarder oh from end zone to end zone on a kickoff here which was broken in 2007 it held till 2007 holy shit that's pretty impressive yeah he did that almost that was andre allison did 104 yarder and then franchise record was broken this was i remember watching this play 2013 the 109 yarder my god that was all remember that all the way at the back of the end zone it was uh cora cordarrel patterson who did it so that was that that was last year that was 2013 you can't get any longer than that or

else you'd be in the stands right so you'd be out of bounds yeah yeah yeah i think that's all they'll credit you for because 110 would be completely out of bounds. So that's as long as you can get. 1966, the Vikings go 4-9-1 that year. He plays in nine games, only starts one, has two receptions for 10 yards and no touchdowns. That is ugly. He's just kind of hanging out, basically. He gets a little bummed out.

Sure. Doesn't play a lot. He's injured a lot, too, during this. Injured, don't play a lot he's injured a lot too during injured don't play a lot team sucks dicks team sucks you live in minnesota which we love minneapolis it's awesome but not in the winter not if you're losing if you're losing we go there we're winning yeah that's i mean we're going there we're seeing people we like and we go there during the summer like last time and it was great but if you go there in the winter and you're you're sad anyway and you're losing and not playing and you're injured you get a little depressing get

on a plane in nine degrees yeah it's it's tough uh so he's a little bit september and 66 he's banged up a little bit and september's still nice there um you know winter doesn't start for another week or so it's pretty good summer just wrapped up there's barely there's barely six inches of snow on the ground. I mean, it's not bad at all. It's beautiful there. He's nursing an injury, and he read George Orwell's 1984, which I don't know if you were forced. No. Yeah, okay.

It's depressing. I'm sure it is. It's a depressing book. It's a book about a totalitarian. It's not good. It's not going to uplift you, and especially in the 60s, you think, wow, that could be the future, man. They're saying that this is what's going to happen in the future. Obviously, it's a work of fiction, but still.

So he gets a little bit depressed, as anybody would. And he also had just broken up with his girlfriend. Oh, no. So now they're losing. He's injured, broke up with his girlfriend, and he's reading 1984. He's rejected and reading End of the World shit. Yeah, reading End of Your Freedom shit. And then also, his mother had been taken to the hospital for an operation at that point.

So, yeah, he's just very distraught. He's falling apart. He's falling apart. And he chooses a very, very... In all of... What have we done here? Let's see, 237 episodes so far, and then 201 for Small Town Murder. So we've gotten a good 438 episodes in.

We've seen people act in weird ways. We've seen people react very strangely to some things. This might be the oddest reaction to a depression I've ever heard of in my life. We've seen people react very strangely to some things. This might be the oddest reaction to a depression I've ever heard of in my life. What's his unraveling lead to? Guess what he does. Just guess. Shit.

Guess what this causes. Go drinking and drive somewhere. You would imagine. Drive back home or something. Right. No. What'd he do? Well, he says this. Wow.

He said 1984 depressed him and caused him to doubt his beliefs okay as well was the other thing i don't know what that did he says quote i drove past a park and i saw two young girls oh okay that's that's the first thing like that um yeah and i too saw two young girls he drove over to them called them over to the car, and exposed himself to them. Yeah, I'm depressed. Look at it. These are 11-year-old girls. Look at this depressed dick.

Yeah, look at my dick. Wow. I'm depressed. Come here, kids. Take a gander at my cock. Oh, my word. I don't know what about that would make him feel better. A to B is a tough road.

I can't get there. I don't know why he wanted to show them this i don't know what what wire that is crossed where you're like i want to show children my dick i don't want to touch the kids or make them touch my dick or anything but i really want them to see my dick yeah that's creepy and weird and one step away from touch my dick yeah but girls his age reject him so there's like yeah there's got to be some mental thing here well it's not the girls his age either because wait till you see later on it's so fucking strange though that he does it that no one knows why he did it yeah it's so out of character it's and that but they didn't have the psychology that we do now

they didn't even do like fbi didn't even do profiling yet back then so this there was no like this is what a weirdo looks like or this is what a this is what a sex pervert does and this is the map to get from sanity to insanity yeah they just kind of looked at people as individuals and not as a case yeah and they looked at him and they were like why would he do this we don't understand it so they were so confused by it it that they just they charged him with indecent exposure. And then they were so confused by it. They just let him plead to disorderly conduct and basically dismiss the whole thing. All he had to do was promise to get psychiatric treatment. Promise.

Promise. And then he would get just disorderly conduct and just get out of my court. Get out of here, weirdo. Yeah. What? I mean, that seems well i mean knowing what we know today i wish i don't know i wish we knew that's dangerous yeah and not only not only that this was like not they swept this under the rug this is not like i have documented i have track of him oh i have newspaper archives like crazy and it is really difficult to find a report of this from then.

A report comes out later, but at the time, it wasn't Minnesota Vikings takes his dick out to a fourth grader. That never came up. That's a smidge horrifying. Yeah. Wait till you hear how horrifying it is. This is the silverest of silver, this story. All sorts of silver hair and a silver helmet even as the Cowboys go because they are the most silver team I've decided after this week. Especially back then.

I don't know about now, but back then, certainly. from this incident also noted that several residents of the Highland Park neighborhood in St. Paul complained that Renssel had exposed himself in the presence of small children on three other occasions. What the hell is happening? He's going around serially showing his cock to children and they're not taking this seriously. That's dangerous. That's a man. That's right.

That's a man showing a pattern. Yeah. I want to take my dick out with kids around. This isn't like with anybody. He shows a lady. He shows a man. That's right. That's a man showing a pattern. Yeah. Right. I want to take my dick out with kids around. This isn't like with anybody. He shows a lady. He shows a guy. Then he shows a kid. This is I'm looking for small children to show my dick to.

Right. This is creepy. This is a mushroom tip of the iceberg. A mushroom tip of the iceberg sticking out of the water like a hazard. Gross. It's fucking gross. That is just hoping someone's going go gonna go what's that and touch it i guess i don't know what his fucking end game is that's horrifying oh man like in in

airplane when they ask have you ever seen a grown man naked like it's hilarious to for because it's ridiculous right because but when as a child when you've seen a grown man naked that question but when as a child when you've seen a grown man naked that question not as funny it brings no when i hear him say it when i was a kid i was like oh that we're not supposed to see that that's why it's a joke right yeah that's awful this isn't good so it's swept under the rug though and they don't care about it as a matter of fact here uh that year he only played nine games he had some ankle injuries he did average 20.1 yards on nine kickoff returns and only caught two passes though but they are so kind of don't know what to do with him at that point that they trade him yeah he is

traded on may 2nd 1967 to the dallas cowboys not our problem not our problem uh in exchange for a third round draft pick which turned out to be an offensive lineman named mike mcgill who later on would invent the mctwist no it's not the skateboarder mike mcgill that'd be amazing if it was 300 pound guy doing any skateboard trick at all and he would have been like 50 years old then a 50 year old 300 pound guy in the 80s just twisting so 1967 he goes to the dallas cowboys and this was like a much cooler move for him than the vikings going to the cowboys this is a cooler way to get to dallas than before yeah then hitchhiking and a farmer's truck here is it cooler wait a minute i just traded not traded not for the reason yeah as i say you got exiled for showing your dick to a kid. Maybe not. So 1967 and the Cowboys.

They are 9-5 under Coach Tom Landry, who was there for 50 years or whatever, 40 years, and 25 years. They win against the Browns in the divisional round of the playoffs, because the Browns were in the NFC still then. 52-14. Wow. So an ass whooping. They lose in the championship game, though, to the Packers, 21-17,

and that is the ice bowl, the famous ice bowl with the below zero. And Renssel actually has a great day that day. He played in this. He played in that, yeah. He's in there. 14 games that year. Started all 14 games. 58 receptions, 996 yards.

Wow. Has a great year. He, I think, leads the league in receptions and was two yards behind Bob Hayes in league yards. If he had gotten four more yards and Hayes had two more yards, it would have been the first time in NFL history that a team had 2,000-yard wide receivers on the same team. Yeah, because passing wasn't what it is now.

So that would have been the first time ever would have been that year if they got six more yards total between them not too shabby uh they say convert him into a flanker where he becomes a starter because he's fast and it's basically a wide receiver back then uh yeah he's averages 17.2 yards of reception this year that's great which is terrific and uh eight touchdowns and has a 74 yard catches as long so hell of a year yeah he's a hell of a year for him in the 10th game against the redskins he set a franchise record with 13 receptions for 223 yards so crushed it thanksgiving day game too yeah he owned it he owned it. He owned it. That's there. And he also, he was in the ice bowl and scored a fourth quarter go-ahead touchdown that the Packers,

it didn't matter because the Packers won, but when he got the touchdown, it put the Cowboys ahead in the fourth quarter. So not too bad. 1968 Cowboys, they're 12-2. So pretty badass. Problem is they lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Browns. Oh, that's a stinger. Yeah, 31-20. This is post-Jim Brown, I think, too.

But Lance is going to do something to celebrate it, and that is he's going to release some songs. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. He does music, Jimmy. Oh, another one that thinks they're a musician. First of all, I found his – this is what we'll talk about his first copyrighted effort here i found a 15 yeah i found a may 19th 1958 copyright in the copyright

this is how deep i'm trying to get on this shit literally patreon.com slash copyright office i found a copyright of his from 1958 and there are no more lance rentals trust me uh because i go deep on that too and it's called conglomeration boogie that's a 15 year old wrote that song conglomeration boogie i don't think i knew that word when i was 15 yeah i don't know if that's the first time he heard it and liked the sound of it and wrote a song about it but conglomeration boogie what the fuck is it and heard a song about it, but Conglomeration Boogie. What the fuck is it about? Written by Lance Renssel, copyright Lance Renssel, May 19th, 1958.

I kind of want to hear that song. I do too, but that one is not recorded. I can't find that one anywhere, but I can find his 1968 recordings, and I have it right here, and I will play it into the microphone. Absolutely. It's Lance Rens rensell it's on columbia records really so i mean it was a real fucking thing right a real thing called what is it here oh god jesus the name of it looking and these are when i say in its apostrophes looking like something that ain't oh no that's what it's called i don't know what i was i was hoping that

you would know what that means because i looking like something that ain't I don't know what I was. I was hoping that you would know what that means, because I'm looking like something that ain't. I don't know if it was that it ain't. That would make sense. But there's very little sense made here. So it leaves. I mean, that leaves your verses up to whatever you want them to be at that point. Yeah. When your chorus doesn't make any sense.

Could be. You want to hear it? Yeah, I do. Here we go. Here's the picture of the 45 oh it's a great look i mean it's a great look it's a legit album let's look it's columbia records yeah all right let's do it oh it's got static oh horns yeah it's got like a little it's got some... It's got some fucking soul to it, James.

No. Okay. Sounds like a sitcom theme song oh james he's rhyming ain't and can't oh no it's hard it's weird it's hard to it's hard to get into it though well it's like the music of tom jones but with a country singer it's a strange combination he's got horns and like he's trying to get a groove it's very strange woman something about a woman it's something anti-woman he doesn't like some woman he's not happy with something so looking like something that ain't oh this is one big single there you guys can it's on youtube if you want to hear the rest of it and just wanted to put a little bit of it wanna but can't wanna but can't and then he also releases beyond love as well okay which is another

one that we should probably should i queue beyond love up maybe let's let's see beyond where the hell is it now it should be right here oh now i gotta find beyond love this isn't good here lance rensell where is it i want beyond love god damn it where is it they're trying to keep giving me looking like something that ain't that ain't i'm not i'm not having it i want beyond love there it is all right let's see what we got for beyond love let's see how this works and go okay yeah okay burp back all right is this him that guy plays in the nfl it's not him james i'll be honest with you this is the best any athlete's ever done Is this him? That guy plays in the NFL? Not him. James, I'll be honest with you.

This is the best any athlete's ever done. He's definitely the bad part of every song. He hires professional bands, obviously, because the music's all good and grooving and shit, and then he's like, I'm just standing here singing songs ain't and ain't rhyme this is what happens when you have rich parents yeah you think you can sing you get very confident and you can afford to get some some talent and then but then you gotta shine fucker hey that's not not that's not that's dull that is dull that

is luster oh boy so boy. So there you go. There's Lance Renssel. He's known as a huge playboy as well, obviously. He's a football-playing, crooning kind of guy here. One story he tells about being in bed with a blonde that he met the night before, and early in the morning while they were still sleeping, her ex came crashing into the room. He says that as a lead pipe grazed his ear he says he remembers telling himself i could see my parents picking up the paper and reading nude football star found murdered bludgeon yeah bludgeon with a lead pipe with his dick

hanging out as it grazed his ear as it grazed his ear oh so lance is living the he's living a definitely a fast lifestyle here he's he's he's going out he's getting the girls he's singing songs he's crooning he's drinking he's partying you can't take it out on the person that that fucked your somebody you know what i mean no no that's not their fault i would say not i mean i'm cashing in the chips so that year 68 also in addition to having all that going on 14 games started 54 receptions for a thousand and nine yards 18.7 yards per reception and six touchdowns yeah he's a star he sure is he's a star and everyone forgot that his dick was out in front of children no one remembers that at all at that

point he's doing great the wait is over so far you're not. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Ding! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases.

She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. OK, so, um. Not this is not a so. This is a period. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. Okay, so... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin.

His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I i have crystal ball in my head it's an all-new season it's streaming you can say anything judy justice only on freebie yeah so much so that in january 1969 he begins dating a star. He begins dating Joey Heatherton.

What? Yeah. Let's take Jimmy. That is Joey Heatherton. My word. Yeah. She's. Hello, Joey.

Hello, nurse. What is she in? Nighty here. I don't know what this is. I don't know. She's popping her collar. I mean, actress. What is she?

I don't know. She's in a bunch of shit. Yeah. Bunch of 60s shit. She was like one of those hot 60s yeah movie star tv star women hair she's everything she's like kind of ann margaretty a little bit like yeah she's definitely a little bit of gidget or something yeah but she's also got a little bit of uh sensuality yeah it was the difference she's not girl next door she's like a little bit more

she's a little flirty i think that's what she was. Here's the two of them together. Okay. Oh, what? That doesn't match at all. No. She is hot. Good Lord. Yeah, she's smoking. He looks like a goober teenager holding a football. He's holding a football.

Right. Sitting next to her. Two hands. It looks like her nephew or something. Right. This is my nephew. He plays football, and I figured I'd let him do an interview. We just cut his hair with a Flobie.

100 of a Flobie. They forgot his forgot his eyebrows though because those things are wild and this is the 60s man that's incredible so yeah that's who he's going out with joey heatherton so he um he even said with that half-hearted he went after her just it doesn't like to try oh good for you sir not big into trying he said he went about it you know called her occasionally and uh he said several times that basically if she doesn't respond today then i'll just give up on her and then she would respond so yeah he did that and um turns out though he ends up proposing to her because that's what she did back then and she said yes oh my so there you go they end up uh they're're going to get married. Kind of trying. Kind of trying. April 69, they get married.

And it's a big giant. They get married at St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York. Wow. It's a big, it's a star-studded event. It's a star football player and a star TV and movie actress. And this is great. This is a big famous thing. Newspapers are all over.

Pictures of them everywhere. Awesome. It's huge. Yeah. She's an actress and singer dancer obviously he bought her ring at tiffany's yes and he even proposed and met her parents and proposed to her at the 21 at 21 the club the restaurant yeah uh with her parents there and all that dinner club oh yeah yeah um wow at one point he said that joey quote seemed to have everything i wanted in a woman sincerity intelligence talent glamour and incredible beauty okay she's she's the best i've seen her as well sir yeah we get it we all have seen her yeah uh she likes watching him play

a lot she did a few interviews they do together because they're on like they go on the tv circuit they're going on all the talk shows together because they're like a hollywood they're a celebrity power celebrity couple there was more no no there was joe dimaggio and marilyn monroe were yeah that was the big one yeah that was yeah they were the it are there any before that was one of the greatest baseball players marilyn monroe yeah it happened but i mean this this this was the late 50s and early 60s is when really things got like that Hollywood gossip thing of this one's going out with this one and that one. That really became a source of people's. Kicked into gear.

People got really interested in that shit for some reason. Well, it's riveting because you want to know what you would do if you had talent. What would I do if I had options? What if my life wasn't set before me in stone what if i was miserable miserable stone what if i wasn't an hvac repairman yeah miserable unchanging stone what if i had a little bit of money in my bank account and i could leave this shithole yeah what would i do well it's true that's what we all do we all fantasize and of course stuff and then i could be who who could i be and what would and

who would i be dating yeah the answer is me and nobody because look at my face you're still we're still us i'm still me is the problem uh now joey heatherton says that she likes football but the quote the guards and tackles completely confuse her the offensive and defensive line she doesn't get what they're doing okay she said quote they just knock each other down and get up and do it again sounds like you know real well that's yeah you got the gist that's it right there good job so at this point this interview is being done quote in the couple's plush central park west apartment wow so yeah he's living quite the life man he lives in new york city and she has an apartment in New York City, so he's got-

So three lives. She's in LA and New York. She's bi-coastal here. So yeah, I don't know if she's bi-anything else, but definitely bi-coastal. Either way, he likes her. So she says, quote, I love it. It's just like the movies about dating a big-time football player. She said, I'll just happen to be on the West coast that day talking about if he's there uh she says

she says quote i've seen most of lance's games at first i got so excited i squealed and screamed it affected my voice now i jump up and down and limit myself to applauding okay you know can't get too crazy she's getting used to it they're talking about her you know does she like watching football and does he like her movies and in this they start an article this is how crazy this is how cheer up bitch this time was it says miss heatherton whose 37 20 34 figure has a sensual and sensuous beauty had critics compare her with the late marilyn monroe said she met rensel while filming a tv movie in hollywood what that's her intro miss heatherton this is how bigger tits are yeah 120 pounds great pussy like what is happening jesus christ top notch gash what are we talking about here miss heatherington who's good wool she's good she's nice wool i'm telling you what the hell the fuck is happening oh my god real

piece of ass uh gotta snatch like a vice grip let me tell you something oh by the way let's finish up this article she's married to this guy yeah so she met holy fuck filming a movie in hollywood she said quote i began dating him in january we married in april since then i've become a real football fan i get nervous sometimes when lance is hit hard but he always gets up i think the prettiest play in football is the pass when lance catches one it's a showstopper so she's really she's into it yeah she said that she got to meet joe namath oh and found him fascinating he was a ladies man back there was she tries to keep it now oh he does i love when he does it like supplementary old people insurance right now commercials where he's like they'll come to your house pick you up take you to appointments they'll take meals right

to your house and he's like still trying to charm the old ladies it's like this guy used to be cool i'll come over and finger you if you want i'll come over i'll finger you finger you. As long as you got some booze, you got some booze. You line up a couple of drinks. I'll get my fingers all ready for you. I'll shave my knuckles because they get awfully. You betcha they do. So she said, quote, when the Jets played an exhibition earlier this year in Dallas, Namath didn't play. But he came out on the field in that mod suit of his and long sideburns and pranced around like a prince everybody booed him nameth

didn't seem to care he just kept prancing or arrogantly around he's the sinatra of football yeah she's like they were booing but i dug it i liked it can we say this and i mean it grace i mean for fuck's sake you took your dick dick out in front of children and a movie star married you. Anyway. It's the best life you could possibly live. You're making music. You're the cowboys in this broad slot.

Grace, by far. Grace three times over. He's won. He has won. No ring, but he's won. I mean, yeah. Married a movie star after exposing himself to fourth graders. That's shocking.

I'll tell you that. That's very shocking, Jimmy. Do you think she knows? She doesn't know. I don't know. She probably didn't know. She probably doesn't know. It wasn't really that big of a thing.

I'm sure somebody was like, can you take this dick out? But I'm sure. I don't know. There's no Google. It's shocking. The whole thing's shocking, Jimmy, but not as shocking as the sales. Jimmy, the sales. In Dallas or New York?

In Dallas in 1968. Yeah. Oh, no, this one is from L.A., this one ad I found here, but I had to put it in anyway. Come on down for the mobile home and recreational vehicle show. Oh, boy. Oh, baby, look at this. RVs and trailers, they have little drawings of them. Oh, my.

Now open. Dodger Stadium. Oh. See everything that's new in mobile homes and recreational vehicles over 150 new mobile homes my god and you have to pay a dollar 75 to get into this fuck 75 to come look come in at trash trash now if you look at the trash and you don't want to buy any of the trash you're going to keep your old trash but you want to spruce it up a little take it on down to earl schreib oh yeah so paint any car for 29.95 the whole car whole car a friend of mine james found one of those coupons in a house he was refurbishing

took it to earl schreib and they fucking honored oh yeah they don't care 29 bucks like someone wants their car whatever come on in i don't know paint your car it's not gonna look good it didn't have an expiration date on the guvon so they they honored it and then they obviously put it on the news because that's that's that's the reason you get pr out of it uh every car infrared tunnel baked oh that's what it says here yeah we'll make your car cancerous wow come on in earl scheib also paints and repairs doors or fenders without painting your car, if you want him to do that, too. So Earl Scheib will do whatever you want.

Pull the dent out and leave the cracked paint. Then you can take your significant other, take Joey Heatherton on down to the 101 Ranch Rodeo. Oh, yes. In Ponsa City, Oklahoma here, starring Rex Allen, Homer, and Jethro. Oh! Homer and Jethro are going to be here, Jimmy. I can't wait. Stereotypical names

of people in this tale. Don't be there. Jethro's coming? Shit. Is it tall or is it My cousin's going to be there? It says all exciting rodeo events $7,000 in prize money will be given out. That's a very specific amount. $100 at a time. Yeah.

Box seats are $350. Reserve seats, $250. That's expensive for back then. That's $30, $20. I still want to get you to one of these. No. I don't go places that smell like shit intentionally. I just don't.

I want to blindfold you. So you've gone there. You're taking your lady out. She likes the rodeo. Your freshly painted and baked car is over here. You know what? Now it's nighttime. Where are you guys going to go? Head out and see a movie, why don't you?

All right. Why don't you see a movie? Go see. Oh, boy. Hit the drive-in or what? No, these are regular movies. Let's see. Here's one.

Some of these are like pornos. Oh, boy. But the one theater says two Walt Disney disney hits love bug and parent trap so you can go see that okay oh it's herbie herbie yeah or right next to it you can see scissor uh sisters in leather i like the better the other scissors and leather don't worry yeah uh hot uh hot on sin island is another one. Next to Herbie. Next to Herbie. And then you can see four smash hits all in color at the Capri Theater.

One is The Scissors Girl is the name of it. Don't have that ticket upside down going to Theater 9 thinking you're going into Theater 6. Yeah, it's a different one. Also, Caged Girl they have as well. And Obscene Couch is the name of the movie. Obscene Couch. Casting Couch is called Obscene Couch. Obscene Couch.

Also, see, what is this? Oh, Shut Up and Deal is one. Plus, Alice in Acid Land is another one, which is 1968, so that makes sense. Alice, it's some sort of psychedelic. It's probably just all colors swirling around. It's probably just Alice in Acid Land is another one, which is 1968, so that makes sense. Alice is some sort of psychedelic. It's probably just Alice in Wonderland, and they hand you a tab of acid when you walk in. Yeah, some swirly. Go see The Good Guys and The Bad Guys.

That's a movie. That's not quite the good, the bad, and the ugly. Knock off. Then you can head on down to another theater here, and you can go see Easy Easy Rider, which as gross as that sounds, is a real movie. It's a classic starring Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda and all of that. Or at the same theater, if you don't want to see it, you want to see a different motorcycle movie, you can see Naked Angels. It says Mad Dogs from Hell.

It's got like a Hell's Angels guy with a chick on the back there. Then if you want to go late night, like I said, you want to go uh they have another showing of alice in acid land here and it says this is my fairy tale underneath it and then you can also go see um just the the cinna 16 in downtown just says adults and it says 16 theaters 16 new underground film films from frisco they are wild that's what it says 16 whacking what really goes on inside those apartments gross i don't know what's going on a lot of whacking going on in there so those were pressed okies that's what they if you remember from that was like 60 of the theaters were tug theaters oh Oh, yeah, it was all tugging. That's unbelievable. You ever seen Ed Wood? I have, but I don't remember that.

He goes to try to make the Glen or Glenda movie, and it's about a man who wants to get a sex change, and so they're explaining, like, how's this going to be in a theater? It's the 50s, and the guy who is, what the fuck's his name from Dumb and Dumber? The big guy? The big guy, yeah.

He's the producer, yeah he's the he's the producer and he goes ah those repressed okies love this you know they love this crap they love it yeah they eat it up yeah those repressed okies eat this shit up he says don't worry they're gonna love it that's what it is they're gonna yank to it they go to church on sunday they're gonna yank to something because they don't believe that so um yeah while he so he's married at this point yeah he's a married man and normally he's used to going out and being a huge playboy tearing it up at night he says that him and his teammate ralph neely who were oklahoma teammates as well are roomies in dallas cowboy camp the next year and they made a bet the first one to get fined by the team would

owe the other one a hundred dollars okay so it's a little bet there and uh renzel said it sounds like a decent bet here he says that uh uh he also led the because he's led the league in in fines paid he's led the team in fines paid since he's been there really yeah he goes out and does whatever he wants the shit out of it they fine him a lot um one guy the cowboys night watchman once suggested renzel fork over a thousand dollars in advance and draw on it for his fine money why don't you just put a thousand in a pot and then just right come on you know i'm gonna get you the hold every game i find you uh fines going with a pot for a team party which has been dubbed the lance renzel

memorial party it's all from him it's just him paying for everything that's very funny it is funny so they thought it would be easier um yeah if they did that so lanson says that uh for this though it's a life-changing decision he calls he says marrying joey heatherton quote the best catch of my life yeah oh boy uh he says no now he's a family man he's settled down won't be going out doing curfew shit anymore. Breaking curfew. He said, quote, I've had my fun, but people thought I sneaked out more than I did. I just happened to get caught at the wrong time, but I got to figuring that I was hurting

myself. Wasn't getting enough sleep was affecting my teammates to an extent. Well, I got married and I didn't, I didn't need to sneak out anyway. He says that, uh, he's, he's going to win that hundred bucks. He says that the other day, though, his wife, Joey, visited him at camp and he went out and sat with her in the car, lost track of time and was late to a meeting and fine. So he ended up losing the bet. He said, quote, I was very mad at myself, but I made the same bet again. That's the last time I'll get fined.

And I know nearly it's I know nearly you'll get fined, and I know Neely will get fined. So that's it, though. They said, other than that, he has been completely clean now. They're like, it's weird. It's no fun. The sports writers all say it's no fun hearing about him anymore.

He's boring now. Lance said, they said they're reduced to telling old stories about him. Lance is an artist and also does sculpting and um at at one point uh he made a sculpture to uh put under the blanket so when they did room checks okay he did like an alcatraz thing yeah uh one night dick nolan who was the cowboys night patrolman caught lance putting it in the bed. Basically caught him putting the decoy in. Oh shit.

Yeah. He came in the room and he was doing that. Oh, it's just, I'm going to fuck this. Well, I was just going to fuck its mouth. I swear.

That's what it is. Remember, I'm a weirdo. Remember that? At least it's not a kid. Yeah. So when he was with the Vikings one time, he raced.

Apparently, uh, Norm Van Brocklin was doing bed check and he like ran into his room and jumped under the covers and the coach came in and ripped the covers off yeah so lance said quote bet you're wondering why i sleep with my clothes on huh shoes and everything i bet this looks weird yeah uh also upon uh one time he saw a woman in dallas he didn't know so he approached a dj with a plan and the dj called what is this the dj called the beauty with one of those where is grant buried questions she answered correctly and he told her her prize is a date with lance rensel okay like an easy

question a trivia question like hey you've been selected to answer this question you win a prize she was like i'm on the radio oh my god and he said no whatever it is you want to date with lance rensell of the cowboys yeah that's a that's a stalker move yeah creepy as shit that's either super creepy or like a wonderful romance in a movie that'll end in a grandchildren it's fine it's fine if you just do that as a random or a creepy but it's creepy when it's targeted at a woman. Oh, yeah. Super creepy.

Yep. He says he doesn't miss the bachelor days. He said, oh, every marriage has a period of adjustment, particularly with people happily single like we were. But we get along extremely well, like to do the same things and have lots of fun. We have two different worlds. Each likes the other's world. Yeah, they're very different people obviously uh she really understands football better than you would think for one not exposed to it a lot she says as well and um yeah their their apartments

only 45 minutes away from their where they're practicing and because dallas practices they do their training camp in california for some reason they do. Also, they have homes in New York and Dallas and Beverly Hills. Oh, my. It's a very nice life he's living here. People say, how do you get along? And I'd say I'd rather have quality than quantity. There are times I'm away from her, but, well, I was away from her for 25 years. There was a rumor I was going to sneak her into camp, and he says he's not.

What am I going to do with my 250 pound roommate then yeah so there's that july 69 here um he is going to open a quote pearl street warehouse it's going to be a discotheque in dallas in october 69 he's opening a bar opening a yeah a dance club basically in in Dallas there in 1969. And they're in the paper every time they do anything. Of course. There's an article here from October 8th, 1969. Lance Renssel, Joey Heatherton to be at windmill opener. And it's literally the opening of a dinner theater.

I'm not kidding. I shit you not. When Bill Harvey opens his new windmill dinner theater off the west freeway with the star spangled girl they'll be there wow uh cowboys go 11 and 2 they lose in the divisional round of the playoffs to cleveland again oh no you must hate the browns at this point but he does great lance 14 games started 43 receptions 960 yards 22.3 yards per reception wow leads the league yeah as a matter of fact and 12 touchdowns leading the league also so he's a deep threat he's the best receiver in the league he's very he's one of the most dangerous right like you know if you let him get away from you he's gone

and you're you're screwed basically he's a big play guy 1970 march 2nd 1970. He and Joey are on the Merv Griffin show together. Which was as culturally relevant. Yeah, exactly. 10.30 p.m. Merv's guests that night are Woody Allen, who at the time was a big comedian. Huge. Yeah. Jimmy Dean.

The sausage guy? The sausage fame. Abby Lane, which I don't know if that's a huge band right no that's a beatles thing but i don't know why it's a bbe lane uh that's a band right i i don't know and then lance rensell joey heather's in together and then followed by evil kenevil after them awesome and then the sunny girls of sweden i don't know what that is i don't know what that is either johnny carson had joe frazier on that night i saw oh my yeah eddie arnold and uh jimmy stewart it's like the biggest people in the world at the moment hilarious 1970 cowboys 10 and 4 uh they win the divisional round

of the playoffs against the lions in a score i've never heard in the playoffs before five nothing oh what yeah five nothing a field goal and a safety that's it babe five nothing weird yeah uh conference championship they win as well they win 17 10 over the 49ers and go all the way to the super bowl against the baltimore cults or they lose 16 13 john unitas was a bad man they made it there at that point uh yeah so uh the uh he plays in 11 games starts 11 28 receptions 556 yards 19.9 receptions or 19.9 yards per reception five yards um they're talking about articles here's one quote he's handsome he's married to a beautiful movie star he has it all he has so much one writer this is amazing one writer a sports writer began an, this is amazing, one writer, a sports writer, began an article.

This is the opening of his article. Quote, Lance Renssel is my kind of guy. That's going to sting, sir. Take it from me. I'm going to leave that out there. That happened in October of 1970. Lance Renssel is my kind of guy. Get the fuck out of here.

That's the opening line of the article. I should have been a sports writer, apparently. You should. Now, the next month, this is going to sting. Yeah. My kind of guy. It took four weeks for it to bite him in the ass. Only four weeks, which it could have taken a lot longer.

That's the podcast equivalent of ten minutes. Yeah, of three minutes, basically. November november 18th 1970 the next month okay this is crazy jimmy unreal but you're not gonna believe this i'm already stunned okay my kind of guy november 18th 1970 yeah he is leading the team in receiving yards at this point. All right? Let's go back a little bit. November 15th, three days earlier, Dallas loses to the St. Louis Cardinals 38-0. It gets a shit. I mean, that's a shit hammer.

Yeah. Three days later, after that, on November 18th, Renssel went to the movies and he saw 2001 A Space Odyssey. Okay. Okay. It plunged him into a deeper depression he's got to stay away from places with years he's got to stay away from things with like these big like big sweeping overview society things because it's apparently it overwhelms him he can't handle it so he's it's true yeah he's very depressed yeah and he chooses an odd way to to get to get that depression out to relieve it um yeah so he's very depressed

the following afternoon um after that he's going to football practice and he's just driving around aimlessly before football practice depressed 2001 a space odyssey on his mind kubrick is in his brain really got him really in there um and according to the quote offense report by the police oh boy uh this was filed at 4 p.m on on november 19th alleging that rensel drove in his car up to a 10-year-old girl, talked to the girl, and then exposed himself to her. This is now... Are we blaming Kubrick?

I blame... Kubrick and Orwell are really... Kubrick and Orwell, they'll make you take your dick out. They're ruining children. Yeah. He drove away, but a warrant was issued for his arrest after someone got his license plate number and traced it back to him and they went and grabbed him from the parking lot of cowboys practice there how embarrassing yeah you think so so embarrassing the pant the fans nickname him no

pants lance so we're gonna make this funny oh back then this was like this wasn't considered oh wow, this is predatory. Has he fucked any children? You really gotta make sure everything's okay. Are all the kids okay? Lance got no pants! Haha, that rhymes! Kate, mate, rhyme two!

God damn it! They'd say things like they'd bring signs saying, don't worry, even if we're down late, I'm sure Lance will pull it out. Oh, no. So, yeah, that's what they're getting at. He's a big star. Yeah.

He's on Merv Griffin, for Christ's sake. He's married to a movie star. What the fuck is he doing? This is the depression. Yeah. This is his thing. This is his thing. That's what I mean.

There's no there's no rhyme or reason to it other than he needs to do this and it gets him. He's what I mean. There's no rhyme or reason to it other than he needs to do this and he's into it. And that just goes to show that somebody that is into children. That's what they're into. Right. He's got, by all intents and purposes, the hottest thing possible. Yeah. You can't get anything.

He's got what a man should be. He should be horny for that every day. Wake up, rock hard, go to bed. Yeah. Still rock hard. Showing dudes pictures of your wife at work you're like you see my wife check this out yeah i'm gonna look how exhausted i am i'm gonna wait man i gotta get this practice over with you know what i quit football going home

yeah this is different showing it to kids it's so strange he said that now obviously this was uh he says about it quote i sensed a weary feeling of loneliness i was drawn by the sight of a young girl oh god jesus no why would you say those words oh my god this went to an editor and then back to him and everyone approved it and went out like that. I was drawn by the sight of a young girl. I called her to the car as though to ask her a question. That's what he says. So the cowboys have a statement. By the way, the charge here carries a maximum punishment of 15 years in prison. This is not a small thing.

And they're taking it serious in Texas, apparently. And in Minnesota, it's so cold. Any body part you take out, they're like, it probably froze off anyway, don't worry about it. So the Cowboys release a statement, very silver. Tech Schramm releases this. By the way, it's not creative to call yourself Tex if you're from Texas.

We get it. It's done. Half of the state. And you know what? If you are calling yourself Tex, look back to the 60s and see that it has a negative connotation. All assholes. It's bad. All assholes. It's not good at all.

If you live in like northern Manitoba, then yeah, maybe Tex, but not if you're in Dallas. So they say, quote, Lance Renssel has requested that he be placed on the inactive list so that he may devote his time to settling his personal affairs. He will work out with the team as time time permits the club will have no further comment that is not enough no um including well you think yeah this is bad but um no because then that week they have a short week to figure out what to do because it's thanksgiving that week right and they have a thanksgiving day game against the packers coming up it's a big game yeah they got to win that game so uh yeah he left the he left the cowboys the night before their thanksgiving day with green bay he took off on his own uh he said quote i

attended the team meeting i told the players i wanted them to hear the story personally from me before things blew out of proportion i told them I was terribly sorry if I caused any embarrassment, and I hoped they would understand. And he said they were great. Everyone shook my hand and wished me good luck. And so, yeah, he figured he wasn't going to be playing the Green Bay game, you know, because this is pretty embarrassing and awful, and we should probably get this guy off the street.

I'm sorry if I caused embarrassment. How does showing your dick not cause embarrassment? It's a lot of embarrassment. Why would you leave if? For everyone, yeah. I'm sorry I caused him. How does showing your dick not cause? It's a lot of embarrassment. Why would you leave if for everyone? Yes. Sorry. I caused embarrassment. How about replace it with that? Let's do that.

Then he says, quote, I got a call from Craig Morton, who was the quarterback. He said, we'll see you in the morning at 930. Yeesh. Yeah. That was normal practice hour for the Cowboys. And Morton was implying that the team expected him to be there he tells him morton that the players voted unanimously to ask him to return they need him not one guy is like does no one have a daughter no he's taking his dick out in

front of kids what the fuck are we doing not one guy not one person unbelievable he says quote i told this is the silverest organization ever down to the players whole damn team fucking helmets that's why they're that color everybody jesus they just condone it they condone anything quote i told morton i was very moved by that it was the greatest moment in my greatest moment in sports not the greatest moment in sports the greatest moments in sports history we We have come to number one. Number one. When Craig Morton phoned an indecently exposed Lance Renssel

and told him, regardless of him showing his penis to children, he'd like him to be at practice, and the whole team has unanimously decided that a sexual assault on a child is less important than the Thanksgiving Day game at the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field against the Green Bay Packers. And at number two, the pass from Joe Montana. Number one.

The catch. Number two, the shot heard around the world. Robbie Thompson, 1955. the cat number two the shot hood around the world robbie thompson 1955 number three the immaculate cat the immaculate reception franco harris 1972 number one 1969 delice cowboys a sleepy a sleepy lance rensell reacts to the phone ringing. On the other end. A sleepy Lance Renssel shuts off. Shuts off the TV. A sleepy pantsless Lance Renssel.

Shuts off Captain Kangaroo. Shuts off Captain Kangaroo. Shuts off Romper Room and is awoken. By the phone. On the other end. Cowboy quarterback Craig Martin. And he's got the message. Put your other end, cowboy quarterback Craig Morton. And he's got the message. Put your pants on and be at practice.

Craig Morton interrupts Lance Renssel's masturbation. Mr. Rogers neighborhood. Lance Renssel was having a masturbatory carnival in the morning. Interrupted by Craig Morton's phone call. He almost found out what today's letter is. Lance Renssel, engorged by the... Engorged by the mention of V being the letter of the day. Engorged by the mention of V being the letter of the day. He quickly begins stroking until he's interrupted by a phone call from starting quarterback Craig Morton.

The letter of the day is taught. T as in taught. T as in taught. Tight. Oh my god. Titillating. Also, a taught, like a toddler.

Todd-ler. So, this has been the greatest moment in sports history. That's an old team. United, they forgive him together because he's our best receiver

how good do you have to be martin's like i need somebody deep none of you fuckers can run damn it but i explained he says that if i practiced with the team and played in games i would be exposing the others to the brunt of the publicity don't say exposing don't say brunt brunt and exposing in the same word jesus christ uh he went on he went to practice the next morning thanked all the players he says quote it was a very emotional meeting but i told them i couldn't accept the idea of coming back but then rensell talked with the team president tech shram the silverest of the silver and coach tom landry also quite silver very and uh asked to be placed on the move list putting him you know on the list basically out

of everything but they said no no you're gonna play in this thanksgiving day game against green bay though first yeah a day that's about family yeah they know wow yeah they knew what he did um now he is later on gonna go to therapy for this and we'll talk about it that's part of the whole deal is therapy so he goes to therapy kind of right away here because he that was what he had to do last time in therapy he's told to write down all his thoughts so he decides to write a book that's what he's gonna do um now he says that his attempt to analyze his sexual problems were painful to him. And he says that he blames his whole life on an, quote, overloving, smothering mother.

And he had an intense, an intense desire to be able to prove his masculinity to the world that he wasn't a pussy. That's what this is about. What? Then show it to a grown woman who can punch you in the jaw. You've done it. You dumb fuck. Don't show your dick to anybody. That's not what I'm saying.

Everybody in Oklahoma. If the choices are fifth grader or adult, please, by all means, but still. But everybody in Oklahoma, men included, are very impressed with you, sir. They all think you're very manly especially with the uh wool that you've pulled yep he's pulled a lot of wool he's pulled great good wool yeah uh when he failed to live up to expectations or when he would drop a pass or something bad would happen in his business the nightclub and everything he said the only way he could reassure himself that he wasn't a loser and to exhibit his masculinity was to expose himself. Or you could have sex with your ultra hot movie star wife.

That would be a way to assert masculinity, masculinity and success. Look what I've done. This broad wants to fucking bang me. This is great. I'm going to show you that I'm not a loser by doing the most loser thing on Earth thing possible. Showing your dick to a kid. Oh, boy. He says that his...

Jesus Christ, man. It's interesting, man. He says that one of the doctors said that one feeling that Renssel had is that he tried to examine his hang-ups to show everything here. Now, why would he do this? Yeah.

Is obviously the question. He describes it like this. Quote, as I left the field for home after practice on Thursday, I sensed a weary feeling of loneliness, hopelessness, nothing to look forward to. You know, 2001. Right. I drove around aimlessly.

After a while, I found myself pulling over to the curb in front of a big house with a spacious lawn. I was only a few blocks from my apartment, but I didn't realize it. In fact, I didn't seem to know or care where I was or what I was doing. This is creepy. But I was drawn by the sight of a young girl again. Drawn by the sight of a young girl playing in the front yard. All reason, all judgment, all foresight were momentarily suspended uh in my mind it suddenly

seemed as though the girl had some vital re so suddenly seemed that through that girl some vital reassurance would come to me that is not your reassurance person that's a fucking human being that has nothing to do with you adults stop using kids to make yourself feel anything stop it don't have kids to make yourself happier no because that's not right don't have kids don't don't ever do that right if you raise a kid and you have the kid you're doing it for them it has nothing to do with you yeah don't do that that's a horrible part it's supposed to be a selfless thing and that's not selfish no this is discussed through that girl some right vital reassurance would come to me yeah that is disgusting that's predatory behavior the most he said quote i called her to the car

as though to ask a question exposed myself and drove away jesus that's that's a weird attack it's such a strange thing to do it's like what are you getting out of this other than not now she knows i have a dick now is it the shock awe of the, it's not about making you feel good? That's what I mean. Is that what it is? It's not about me feeling good. It's about you feeling bad, I guess. It's got to be.

Like, I can scare you with my penis, but you're just scared because there's some grown-up showing you something he shouldn't be showing you. Right. So it's, you're just, it's disgusting. And because a dick is hideous to a child. It should be. This is creepy. It's horrifying to see.

This is twice though now and many more times who knows how many more times he said my two greatest worries over the current publicity are any humiliation i might cause the team and any i might bring to an organization for which i have worked very hard it's called so he started an organization it's called student alternatives to violence known as save i'm one of the founders of the program and i've spent a lot of time on its behalf i wear three pairs of pants in every meeting just in case i get the urge yes and underwear without the little slit without the no little slit i gotta pull them all the way down that's what happens among others whom uh

rensell has worked with in this are gail sayers craig morton astronaut jim uh mcdivitt and oj simpson what so at one point dick exposer and oj were hanging out somewhere together dick exposer and maybe um what makes you feel masculine well i like to cut a woman i like to cut her deep in the throat till her head almost comes off i like to show my dick to children i think it's i'll tell you what if she was was 12, I'd fuck that hole. Yeah. Fuck the hole that it caused the thing here. So he's hanging out with OJ.

That's his big thing. Let's save the kids and the ladies here. He was asked, quote, how do you see your future? And he says, I must face this case like a man and do the best I can. They asked him if he's ever going to play football again, and he said, I hope so. But things are so entangled now, it's hard for me to think about football. Sorry, it's an old newspaper article. It's hard to see.

So May 9th, 1971, the Cowboys go, maybe not here if you're going to play football. Taking your dick out in front of a kid will get you shipped to another city anyway. Not out of the league somehow,'ll get you shipped to another city anyway not out of the league somehow but at least shipped to another city so may 9th 1971 he is traded uh to the los angeles rams okay traded to the rams um he he's like shit he gets out there what year is this 71 oh no so yeah 71 he's going to la which you know he's still married to joey heatherton so yeah but la is reeling right now from everything there's so much going on out there and he uh he doesn't know he's like he's in la he gets settled uh in a little bit and he's you know he's kind of he's trying to figure out what do i do here in a new city does everybody know i take

my dick out in this city because you have to figure out everybody what do I do here in a new city? Does everybody know I take my dick out in this city? Because you have to figure out, everybody you see, do they know I take my dick out in front of kids? That's got to be your first thought. He's in a good town for it. Be my first thought. They love it there. They love dicks. Yeah, it'll be fine there. So, I mean, at one point, he's just sitting there trying to figure out what to do with himself, and there's a knock at the door.

He's like, who is this? He opens the door, and it's the Mexican pimp. Yes. Standing there, guns blazing. There he goes. And he says. How is it you've come to arrive here? Why are you here?

Why? I say, I hear all about you. Yeah. I hear, star, Star, your wife? Yeah. You do not know the price she would bring in on the open market. I could sell her for many, many times what she makes. So many pesos.

So, so many I could sell her for. You have that. You play with Star on your helmet. Right. Running beautifully down the field with blonde hair flowing while the wife waits for you. And with all of this, you show your dick to a child. Why? Why do you do that?

I do not understand. And I will have none of it. On the part of you, sir. Even for me, you have crossed a line. Poof. And in a puff of tequila and guns and everything, he is gone. And Lance is very confused. Yeah.

And his dick's out and he doesn't know what to do. Yeah. So he is traded for Lance Allworth, who is an all-time great receiver. Lance for Lance? Lance for Lance. Got traded Lance for Lance. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm sorry.

They obtained, yeah, because it was a three-team deal. What is this? Yeah, okay. That's how it worked there. So he says that we know we're giving, this is Tom Landry, we know we're giving up one of the top flankers in the league, but I thought he'd be better off in another city where he had the same opportunity regularly.

We found this in Los Angeles, and it was one of the teams Lance wanted to be traded to if he were traded. So they trade him there. To L.A. To L.A. So he's going. Cowboys, by the way, when he left the team, he was the franchise leader in most receptions in a game in that 13, which was broken by Jason Witten in 2007.

Wow. Most consecutive 100-yard receiving games, which was a record until Michael Irvin passed it in 95. Still the fourth most receiving touchdowns in a season, fourth most career postseason receiving yards, and fourth most receiving yards in a game. That's a tough stat to break, too, because in a postseason yardage, your team has to be good to make it. Yeah, absolutely. If you play on a shit team, you're never going to beat that. Never going to have any postseason yardage your team has to be good to make it yeah absolutely a shit team you're never you're never gonna beat that never gonna have any post post-season yardage so he goes to court for his exposure yeah and um he pleads guilty he has no other choice he pleads guilty uh and the

judge says you sir may fuck off three years suspended what sentence so three years suspended sentence. So three years suspended, five years probation in addition to that. And also he has to do psychiatric treatment and pay a fine and do all that. For a second time offense. For a second time offense. Of the same fucking thing. He needed to go in there. I think he needed to be in jail for that shit. I'm sorry.

But especially after that. No, it's been a few that's nuts so um one of the psychiatrists says about this quote from what i read rensell's problem is a general disturbance with uh with the sexual disturbance being a sort of subheading he says uh it seems his problem should be handled as a sickness and not a crime i don't know about that there's kids involved i don't really be handled as a sickness and not a crime. I don't know about that. There's kids involved. I don't really care at that point. Sickness and crime go hand in hand. Yeah.

Well, sickness is fine if it's on you. But once you involve a kid, then it's a crime. When it's detrimental to society. Yeah. Your illness doesn't matter anymore. Just because someone is in a so-called manly activity does not mean that he's not that not capable of deviating from the sexual norm this is dr bruce ogilvie of san jose state he says quote i have known several athletes to be that way and some of the highest judges of the land were exhibitionists so okay i hate this guy so is one

of the great knighted actors of england another guy said um he's talking about that they're they're having a discussion about how important people like to take their dicks out and that's not that bad of a deal it's a sickness where they're they have something that they need and we know we should be kid gloves with it right but there's a difference between exhibitionism and fucking pedophilia showing the huge difference small girls here um they said in a case history an act this one psychiatrist talks about an exhibitionist named lenny sorry lenny dykstra uh he discussed his problem and he said all i ever knew was that when i feel alone i began to feel mad and i wanted to feel good i was always body oriented i don't know what the fuck that means i seemed to have to do something physical

what happened was in my mind uh just took off for my body. During my exhibitionist rituals, I was in some kind of haze. My impulses seem to come from something besides my conscious mind. I tried to fight it. My profession and my job were at stake. When the impulses hit me, I would try to deny it, but it was impossible. So that was another dick taker outer guy. So I don't know if that's what lance is going through

or what his problem is or what the fuck his deal is or what i hate that they call it that it's ridiculous um exhibitionist no that sounds fun yeah an exhibitionist is like that sounds like a willing participant that sounds like a woman at the beach with her tits out right she's an exhibitionist and everyone's like i salute you that's an exhibitionist a guy with his dick out in front of a 10 year old girl is a goddamn criminal that's yeah that's a bad man that's a bad bad man bad man i'll let a lady with her tits out at the beach around my children shit yeah i will not let a man with his dick out around children around my children nope no keep your dick away around my kids so the vikings gm from that knew him from back then uh jim thinks he says lance in particular seems like a sir galahad type of guy uh blonde and

handsome and all that type of shit so he said that you know joey joey heatherton and everything like that you know he said this but according to thinks he had some psychiatric treatment at the University of Minnesota Medical Center back then. They said, you know, he wasn't what we thought he was. And they didn't know whether basically what the deal was with him. They didn't back then, too. They didn't really have a good grip on this type of shit. Hard to diagnose this. Yes. Several psychologists at the time agreed that the problems of Renssel's nature began in childhood and can be seeking for can be a seeking for love from parents that was denied to them as youngsters. You know, he said his mother was overly smothering to an effort to prove their masculinity.

Sometimes a football player might enter a contact sport as a defense for his fears of himself. Jesus Christ. Another guy, Dr. James Nicholas, a physician for his fears of himself jesus christ another guy dr james nicholas a physician for the new york jets he said quote you can make a case for anything after the fact you can say that anything we do is defensive but uh he says that football is a that is a manly endeavor like considered in society quote unquote manly endeavor and uh if he's doing that why does he need to take his dick out basically yeah is the what he's talking about by society's views also you're a success but he doesn't feel like a success because he feels like his childhood was maybe robbed from him and forced to do school

and stuff i mean jesus christ to be a kid over it it's you're right you're not wrong but it's hard for put your dick away yeah yeah i agree you say agree. You can say everything you want. At the end, you go, put your dick away. Well, that's great. You should work on all that. While you're doing it, have your dick in your pants. Yeah. Thank you. That's a behavior that you cannot do.

You cannot unzip your pants and take your cock out. You know when you do your whole day with your dick away? Let's do every day like that. Every day. You know what, too? Let's make this a thing, especially if there's kids around. Right. kids around right you say about that one little part of your day where your dad comes out don't do that one don't do that one think said that perhaps the pressures of the game weighed heavily on him too and made him do it okay joey heatherton on the other hand says i don't really

care what made him do it i want a divorce good for her i am not being with fucking johnny diddler here i can't go on murph griffin and talk about his dick being out it's not what i want to do with my life i am a tv star right and all of this is overshadowing her now they always say it was always lance rensell and i've seen the articles it was lance rensell joey heatherton's husband or joey heatherton's husband lance rensell now it was you know boy did exposing dallas cowboy lance rensell's wife joey heatherton became that she didn't like that i don't know if that was didn't like being associated with that or just didn't want to get second billing but either way uh she files for a divorce on september 18th 1971 she uh sues him for irreconcilable differences they're both 27 years old they have no kids so what are

you gonna do yeah on top of the world at 27 yeah to sink your own ship by throwing your dick at a 10 year old he could just be he says at this point later on he'll write in his book he tries to he tries to say something negative about joey heatherton to make it so he's not just a total loser yeah and he says that one time she neglected to tell him that she was going to be in new york for the weekend and he was mad at that oh boy by her selfishness and he compared the experience to quote being hit by a linebacker from the blind side oh boy he's a whiner yeah whiny little fucker this guy so 1971 he's with the rams Team goes 8-5-1 under Tommy Prothrow, which is a great name for a coach. Prothrow?

Better for a quarterback. That's even better. Roman Gabriel is the quarterback, who's kind of a legendary weird guy and a good quarterback. He said about the trade that he liked it. He said that Lance is recognized as a quality receiver, and from the films I have seen, he's a heck of a blocker at the position, too. So are people making fun of him that's what he's asked do people around the league make fun of you because this is his first time coming back now since the thanksgiving game and he said no not really he said only the redskins gave him shit about it what the redskins

fucked with him when they played the redskins oh that's a rival team of the of the cowboys the rams though yeah so they picked on him a little bit he said quote the rest of the teams in the league treated me as if nothing had happened but the fans in baltimore pittsburgh and other places back east really let me have it you know the places that cherish the children you know places where like keep your dick away from my kid you're fucking bum you fucking jag off in pittsburgh anyway was lawrence phillips on this team he should have been how about that no but he could have and should have been yeah no that's shitty i don't think he's born yet in the 70s lawrence phillips played in the 90s right that's what i'm saying is this in

the 70s yeah yeah this is 1972 i don't think lawrence phillips might have been born right about now i think writing letters from camp in the late 80s late 80s yeah yeah okay so or the late 90s was it mid 90s late 90s my god so uh he said that on the field that year 14 games 38 receptions 534 yards 14.1 per catch and five touchdowns not wonderful not awful uh and the gossip call i found a gossip column from the day saying that lance rensell and joey heatherton are dating again even though they're divorced but uh that doesn't work out as we'll find out here 1972 team goes six seven and one uh but that doesn't matter because november of 1972 his book comes out this is what he's been writing since his first diddle experience

um it's called he's bad at he's really bad at titling things we'll put that way it's called when all the laughter died in sorrow he he's an artist james he's awful at naming things he's the worst he sculpts shit he writes songs that's that's it's just too many words yeah how about when the laughter died in sorrow why when all the laughter died it's just too many words it's too wordy how about when an nfl player touches a kid how about uh it's not funny to take your dick out in front of kids when it all comes out that's sorrow taking your dick out in front of kids causes sorrow how about that one uh the book was 695 when it came out so an ad for it he says initially i didn't write the book for publication. Not at all. He said that wasn't the deal.

He said, my friend said it would be a catharsis for me to put it all down. So I talked into a tape recorder for weeks during the spring of 1971. I taped my whole life. I got to know myself and all the people I'd come in contact with a lot better than I'd ever had before. I found some humor in my life and discovered elements of my background and personality i hadn't seen very clearly i enjoyed writing it then i gave the book to my analyst and it's a therapist there and he suggested i go ahead and publish it i tried to be as objective as possible and hoped i wouldn't be criticized for my viewpoint said writing the book allows me to see the weaknesses in myself

and accept defeat and bounce back it changed the whole pattern of my life. Now I've started on another book about the Rams. It's a different kind of football book about the psychological and emotional components of a team. Eventually, I want to become a full-time writer. Oh, boy. He said the real test is how a man reacts to negative situations. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say i had fears about the book's receptions and uh you you want to hear something that he says about it i don't know um this is

this is pretty amazing we got to do it in their own words here uh this is him at the end of his book he describes appearing before a group of medical students to tell something of his case history yeah basically and this. And this is him. This is fucking hilarious. This is the best in their own words ever. We need to do this in their own words. Quote, for the first time in my life, I said it out loud.

Ladies and gentlemen, my medical, by medical definition, I am a sex pervert. For a 28 year old golden boy whose whole life had been dedicated to living up to his image, that was one hell of an achievement. That's his achievement.

I told people I'm a sex pervert. Mission accomplished. Ah, gross. That's the funniest fucking... I said it out loud to kids. I'm a sex pervert. Ten years ago, I'd have showed you my cock. Hey, guys. I know you're going through school. You're in danger right now a lot you're in front of a very very gross man you

have a little sister she's in danger yeah you guys might be too old for me you guys are fine what are you 25 you're medical students yeah so uh i found a review and this one lady said there's another group uh this is the reviewer which should should read the Renssel story. Let's call them fathers and smothering mothers. For the villains of Lance's book are his rich, loving parents. This is perhaps a classic tale of that not uncommon phenomenon. The all-American boy whose road is so strewn with roses he has no chance to grow up. That's basically how he puts it. Life was too easy for him.

There's an article talking about joey heatherton reading it before it comes out what'd she say they gave her the galleys apparently to read beforehand and this article says quote joey heatherton is holed up at a friend's house in palm springs reading every word of the galleys of lance lance rensell's book which is going to be published in november others who have read it told joey that she has nothing to worry about and that uh and that her about to be x says not a bad word about her though he talks quite frankly about his problem yeah uh but she wants to see for herself but joey isn't reading all the time as she has been seen seeing frank sinatra here joey's got other shit going on she's reading it like miss farmer and funny farm crying in a chair yeah i wish he'd burn it burn it it's terrible uh he's also seeing people in 1972 he is hooked up

with june wilkinson some lady and then 1973 and for a while he's hooked up with victoria principal who's that who is she was in a ton of tv shows and movies she sold like skincare shit off through the 90s and 2000s she's like she's like jane seymour she was like one of those ladies who was like 70 but everyone was like oh my every 70 year old guy who loved her was like she's still hot as shit yeah that's victoria principal she always looked very pretty woman though and somehow she still wants to go out with him after he took his dick out in front of these kids. I don't understand that. I'd still love to see Jane Seymour naked.

I'm in. That's all right. No? No offense to older ladies. Maybe when I'm older, I will, because my age now, when I was 17, I didn't want to see a 40, whatever. But I have no desire to see any human being over the age of 70 naked. I don't. Sorry. None of them in in wedding

crashes she was hot as shit and uh owen wilson got 20 years ago yeah it was you're right 20 years oh my god she was 50 then of course she was not she is not that aging rapidly doing great not insulting or anybody people are aged we're all gonna age and we're all gonna look like shit trust me it's fine and i don't expect anyone to want to look at me when i'm 73 years old with my dick out she was probably 55 in that yeah that makes sense why you'd be sexy there absolutely 75 it's tougher it's a little little more difficult that was 20 years yeah it was a long time ago holy shit it doesn't seem like it but i saw a look in your face like i saw last week she's she's great no jimmy yeah it's a little bit different she's selling necklaces now yeah and all sorts of shit

so that year he did play football in addition to being very busy and he had 14 games started 27 receptions 13.5 receptions uh yards per reception only. Okay. So he was a little busy with other shit. January 12th, 1973, he is arrested again. Uh-oh. This time his dick is in his pants firmly. This is an arrest that's kind of bull. Obviously, I think it's bullshit. But the cops bust in his house. They raid his house and find a half pound of weed in his house.

They were kicking down doors for a half pound? Back then then if somebody got busted with drugs they tell the cops i know somebody who's got more drugs and then they would let them go and fucking go get this guy's shit and go up to yeah this guy's couple ounces ain't nothing compared to this he's got more right yeah oh a couple i guess it's eight ounces right eight ounces a half pound it's not that much no and so he it's a hollywood home cops came in busted the door down he had a half pound of weed okay big deal in 1973 it was a big deal but you know obviously i don't give a shit about that

that looks like intent to distribute that that looks bad exactly it looks like a lot when probably it was just to get a stash to not have to go out and get it all the time so he's taken into custody here um and they had a search warrant and found it and they said also narcotics paraphernalia. He was released after four hours from the police station with $5,000 bail. So not terrible. But that's also bad for weed smokers because now it looks like pedophiles like weed.

Exactly. You're like, oh, not him. Not all weed smokers are pedophiles. Come on. Put your dick away. Are weed smokers. Clearly. One anyway, for sure.

May 1973, he goes to court for the weed and pleads guilty. He wants to get it over with as quickly as possible. Pleads guilty to marijuana possession, is what they give him. They knock it down. And he gets a $2,000 fine and a suspended sentence from that as well. So he's been suspended sentences a lot here and well if he's not serving time for showing his dick to kids he better not spend time for weed that's the thing and he was mad about this by the way he thought it was too

too stern his lawyer said basically lance felt the sentence in terms of time and fine excessive and that he was used as an example but he recognizes that he does hold a position as a pro football player that is in the public eye he's not bitter he accepts the responsibility he's on probation yeah you can't get busted anything you're on probation um this was his first involving drugs but obviously not uh his lawyer said this is not a first offense type of case he's already on probation as texas in texas and it's very rare to get a straight walk when it's the second offense of any kind we feel this was definitely a factor so he's fucking lucky he's not in jail and he's bitching about it uh he does not play that year though because he is suspended

for the 1973 season for this arrest okay that and it was my cumulative embarrassment we'll call it he got suspended for weed not well no for the other one no that's what i mean they played the next fucking game wow this was uh conduct detrimental to the league and blah blah blah i don't know take a vote in your clubhouse because uh dallas overlooked showing your dick to a kid didn't mind at all they're like listen it's okay it was none of our daughters so it's fine it's okay. It was none of our daughters, so it's fine. It's good. Jesus Christ. But the team that year got Chuck Knox as a coach, who was a great coach, coach forever here. And they go 12-2 that year and lose to Dallas in the playoffs.

So he didn't get to do it, though, because he got to sit out the season. And I don't feel bad for him. I really don't. I don't feel bad for him. And I don't feel bad for any of these people as well. There's no other Lance Renssels in the world, by the way. You don't feel bad for any of these Renssel? No, because they're him.

Right. It's all him. One is Lance Renssel at CEO at Renssel Productions in Fairfax, Virginia. That's where he is. And that's where he's currently located. So that's why it's him. Who knows? And then Lance Rensselsell owner at us2 an information

technology and services consultant so he's a consultant in fairfax virginia he's got some business something going on boy oh boy who knows mace of 1974 may 18th 1974 uh he i believe this is when he is uh he is reinstated into the league, and he's very happy. He said, I'm just as happy as I could be. Okay, I'm anxious to rejoin the Rams. They are still my football team, and Chuck Knox is my coach. He's the greatest coach, in my opinion, even though I played for him for less than two weeks. Two weeks.

Two weeks. My biggest interest now is winning. Oh, I'm sorry, is writing. That's a newspaper thing. It's hard to see. But I the rams and fans a lot i haven't done as much i haven't done much for them in the three seasons out here but i'll make up for that for that this season sure you will so 74 with the rams they're 10 and 4 they win they beat the redskins in the divisional round of the playoffs and then lose to the vikings that year in the conference championship game, so almost a Super Bowl.

The past two years they've lost to both teams that he played for. Yeah, exactly. It's a sign, guys. But 14 games, doesn't have any starts, only 18 receptions, but 396 yards for 22 yards per reception, only one touchdown. At the end of the season they put him on waivers. They shit-can him, and he's very surprised at it really yes he says quote i was surprised literally quote i was surprised well not surprised i expected they would uh i expected they would have to let somebody go when you have as many qualified receivers as we have and when you consider that i'm almost 32

well it has to be a factor no team claimed him off waivers either he uh said that he went in and he talked to uh you know players on the in the locker room to say goodbye so he tried to laugh about it he said quote i guess it was black humor and uh you know a little dark humor he said he wasn't sure what he was going to do he said i'll just steal out of here. I haven't packed yet. And the thought of that depresses me. Oh, God, don't say that. Don't be depressed. Somebody get him an ice cream and a party hat

and get a fucking something. Get him. Glue a fucking horn on the front of a horse. I don't give a shit what you play. Pin the cock on the farve in the line. I don't care what you guys do. Cheer him up. Wow.

Cheer up, bitch. I would hate to end my career on a negative note i want to show that i am still capable what i'm still capable of doing that i'll have to evaluate all of this fortunately i have my book to work on and i'm confident that it will open up a lot of other horizons for me and a future i can i can depend on but i would like to see my football career end on a positive note. I was saddened by the fact that I would no longer have the opportunity to be on a great team, but I feel I have achieved my share of individual goals in my career. My first thought was, damn, I'm going to miss this. I'm not sure this has all sunk in yet, but when something like this happens, it doesn't do you any good to bemoan your fate.

I haven't faced the prospects of moving to another city maybe i wouldn't enjoy living in another city but i can't dwell on the past a lot of athletes never accept the end they never will they spend their lives playing a game and have no qualifications for anything else they're desperate and they have to find a way to make a living i feel grateful i have a career in writing i'm a believer in never looking back and never looking at things negatively okay now 1975 here uh january of 1975 at the super bowl he and fred dreyer you know he is hunter remember the show hunter yeah that's fred dreyer do i it's like an 80s action show okay let's remember the commercials for it hunter and it's like kind of had like this 46 year old looking guy i probably do fred dreyer for the rams that's hunter he was a he's an nfl player for years doesn't matter but i'm gonna google it yeah you should google it up so

apparently he and fred dryer got hired from sport magazine to do a silly thing where they would go to the super bowl and pretend they were like yokel beat writer dorks and have like dumb hats on and ask stupid questions and just be like you know dorks basically comedy so they do that they show up they call themselves Cubby O. Switzer and Scoops Branigan idiots

and Renssel told everyone we're here to ask the dumbest questions we can and to moon as I'm sorry to mooch don't moon no and to mooch as much free food and beer as we possibly can okay so he says that and he says that they were doing all sorts of interviews and people are mad at him jim kensel the executive director of the nfl issued a statement saying quote they were there apparently on assignment to create news rather than report news and And if that's the case, and I haven't talked to Schaap, who gave the credentials, we think that's just wrong. And Renssel says, I don't think Pete Rozelle should be concerned about this.

He's got better things to do, and we're not hurting anybody. Yeah, I would say so. Leave him alone. 1975, he's living in Beverly Hills, and he's doing fine. I'm blown away with how rich he is. He's doing great. He shares his apartment, and he's got fine. I'm blown away with how rich he is. He's doing great. He shares his apartment, and he's got an actress girlfriend again.

Yeah, he's doing wonderful. He has a backgammon club. Okay. The fuck? That's a weird thing to do. It's a smart guy game. I guess. He has friends in the entertainment industry.

He goes to parties at the Playboy Mansion, invited by Hugh Heffner he's doing great i guess if that's if you're going to take your dick out that's the appropriate place to have it out listen if you're going to go be a pervert somewhere there you go hefner was like did he say he was a sex pervert in that book send him an invite my kind of guy my kind of guy exactly that's the only guy that can get away with saying it's my kind of guy says he's writing a novel about football now a positive book in which much of the action takes place off the field frequently in beverly

hills he's negotiating a package deal to write the screenplay and executive produced the movie version none of that ever happened by the way um november 18th 1976 warrant issued for his arrest it's not it's a bench warrant issued for the arrest of him after he uh failed to appear in court for a probation report stemming from his weed thing so he just didn't go to court uh they issued an appearance whatever the hell and uh yeah he's supposed to pay a hundred and hundred hours of community service and uh two thousand dollar fine and he didn't uh do that yeah last may he told the court he was unable to pay uh two thousand dollar fine and he didn't uh do that yeah last may he told the court he was unable to pay a two thousand dollar fine okay so he said he didn't have two thousand

dollars though yeah don't say that out loud huff will stop letting you come to the house yeah victoria principal won't bang you so uh yeah he was ordered to perform a hundred hours of community service in his in its place because he couldn't afford the fine he unsuccessfully appealed the marijuana case on grounds of illegal search and seizure yeah so september 26 1989 what's he up to uh now at that point he was running luc interactive images a computer company in washington he had a wife of three years named karen so he was married then and they were expecting a child. Okay. He says the future looks very exciting now. Everything has been going very

well in my life lately and I'm very happy. I hope it's a boy. Yeah, let's hope so. Now these, I found some arrests that I don't know. I don't have details. I just found the reports here. 1995, he's arrested for driving on a suspended license. That's December 28th, 95. And also, it's apparently a revoked license. Oh, that's not good. So not good. And it said he has court fines of $50,000. I don't know how the fuck that happened.

I don't know how many times he got busted for that. Is that interest compounding? I don't know what it is. I don't know if that can't be right, though. That's a lot of money. There's a lot of court fines. March 1st, 2005, he's got a nice speeding ticket he's arrested for that uh pleads guilty in absentia for that september 12 2005 petty larceny what he's stealing now stealing something i don't know what the hell it is but uh yeah this had happened on february 10 2005

court date was in september pettit larceny. So there's that. October 18th, 2005. Reckless driving in a parking lot. This guy. What? He loves police involvement. Reckless driving. Oh, that makes sense.

Failure to stop at the scene of an accident as well. Okay. So he drove like an asshole through a parking lot, hit somebody, going yeah that's that makes that's a problem that's a that's a that's a terrible thing to do the only thing that would have been worse is if he stopped got out of the car and took his cock out that would have been the only waved it at their kid in the back seat and got back and called their kid over to ask a question uh 2007 he's arrested for quote disregarding traffic lights. Just not even, didn't even, not going through them, failure to stop, disregarded them.

That's amazing. I don't stop at those. That's a fascinating law. I just drive. I don't know what the, that's what those lights are for? Holy shit. I've been disregarding those. Oh, Christ. I've been disregarding those my whole life.

And while he was disregarding those lights, he had no driver's license as well. Of course. So, I mean, you need a license to know to regard the lights, apparently. 2008. This is January 23rd, 2008. Another Pettit larceny. He's stealing still. What is happening?

I don't know what that is, but I've never been arrested for that. And he's been arrested three times or twice in three years for this shit. That seems excessive. Seems like he's got problems when he has problems right um yeah and then i found 2017 he is part of the national football league players concussion of course litigation in there um because you gotta blame all this bad behavior on something yeah which i'm sure he was hitting the head plenty i'm sure it oh i'm positive that it's contributing to this national football league against riddell the helmet makers and all that kind of shit there so

um yeah he's involved in that that's crazy riddell's being sued because they had the helmets yeah but i mean they didn't that's what they knew to make right but i don't know they weren't but they were not in charge did they say explicitly this will keep your head i think they said explicitly bang yeah get hit real hard in the head and you'll be fine. No, I never said that, probably. I don't think they ever said that. I'm sure they said this will do some. I don't know if it's like through the NFL, like the NFL said those.

Because it's the NFL regulations of a helmet that make the helmet. Right. I'm sure Riddell said this will keep you from being bloody. I mean, yeah, keep your skull from cracking open, probably. But there's that. Can't get enough of Lance Renssel? mean, yeah. It'll keep your skull from cracking open, probably. But there's that. Can't get enough of Lance Renssel? Oh, boy. Well, you know what?

Go to a playground, put your hair in pigtails, and wait for him to appear. See if you can get a little more. It's like the bat signal. You just do that, and he'll appear with his dick out. Fuck this guy, and fuck his autograph and everything else. We'll find him out there. He's a cowboy, so there's plenty of memorabilia. Enjoy.

Put your hair in pigtails. Fuck him. That's a cowboy, so there's plenty of memorabilia. Enjoy. Put your hair up. Fuck him. That's Lance Renzel. And you'll get all you can handle. All you can handle. Lance Renzel. You see a hand waving out a car window, waving you over.

You go, there he is. You're going to see more Lance Renzel than you will know what to do with. All the Lance Renzel you need, pal. So enjoy finding him that way. He'll get an eyeful of Lance Renssel. An eyeful of Lance Renssel. Enjoy it that way.

And if you did enjoy it, after you see an eyeful of Lance, head over to Apple Podcasts and give us five stars, damn it. It's very important. Helps drive us up the charts. So you're a lifesaver for doing that. Thank you so much for everyone who does. That's the most fun I've ever had at several young girls expense right that's what i mean it's hard it feels terrible to laugh it does but what are you doing what are you doing unbelievable

also head over to shop and give me murder.com for everything crime and sports and small town murder you need to listen to both also listen to ps i hate this movie because i have been having a while i had to watch legally blonde this week holy shit that was brutal so listen to my pain it's very evident uh check all of those out the movie that made a chihuahua famous oh drove me nuts man so that and taco bell yeah so at the same time same time that was the biggest dog in the world and so much so that they made a movie about chihuahuas and beverly hills oh my god disturbing fuck so anyway yeah do all of that head over to shut up and give me murder.com patreon.com slash crime and sports is also where you can get bonus materials as well but first shut up and give me murder.com i was talking about

go there get your tickets to the virtual live show january the 29th and for 72 hours after that you could still get it'll be available we are going to do small town murder actual real yeah show like we're like if you went to see us at a theater and bought a ticket this is exactly what you're going to see except on a screen and not in your house in a theater right so same shit though check that. Get those tickets right now or whenever. And we can't wait for that. We're really excited. That's going to be a blast.

Can't wait to get some interaction going. It's going to be fun. Miss it. We miss it a lot, so it'll be good for us. We even have the mics on stage to hold, so we feel good about ourselves. In my hand and everything. And we'll actually have the sound. They won't be not hooked up to anything, just us holding them like crazy people.

Just staring into your monitor. Just, hi. Hi. Why is that thing hooked up to that's wireless say hi so yeah check all that out buy your tickets now for that and uh yeah also patreon patreon.com slash crime and sports where you get all the good bonus stuff five dollars and above gets you access to everything that we have bonus wise last week it was all sorts of crazy stories from the usfl and it was so much fun and also the small town murder bonus which you'll also get access to because you get everything for that five dollars was comparing the manson family to the heavens gate cult compare contrast weird little details about them that you might not know

because a lot of it was pretty deep cuts so uh they're very gross check that out for sure definitely listen to that you can get all of that at patreon.com slash crime and sports and jimmy will mispronounce your name because you will be a producer you bet that's right so he's gonna do that for you follow us on social media as well oh paypal you bet if you want to uh donate on paypal and just be a nice person and be a producer and get your name as pronounced you can do that as well over at paypal using our email address crime and sports at gmail.com social media at crime and sports on twitter and facebook at small town murder on uh instagram and that said jimmy yes damn it give me the list of the names of people who i never have to worry about exposing their dick to a 10 year old girl please hit me with them now this week's executive

producers are tiffany cervantes in memory of drayden birch brayden i think that's it's brayden birchall i don't want to fuck that up no that's a sounds important dick move wisman. Thank you so much. Thank you. Christine, what did I do? Christine Shirato and her 14-year-old daughter. Cool. They both listen. Thank you so much. Awesome, thank you. I don't know her name, nor do I want to know her name, because that feels creepy.

I don't want to put a 14-year-old girl's name in here. No, probably not. Jeremy Forrest, Andrea Papa George, Leah Stoddard, Jordan Bennett, Rick Daniels, Doug and Beth Brummond, Hafid Cristobal. That guy's amazing. I like that guy a lot. Hello Bodega Kitty, Ellie Kamek. She's in Texas.

Jackie Sukup. Also Jackie with an I. I think it's two different people. I'm pretty sure it is because I know who Jackie Sukup is. Anyway, Thomas DeMello, Michael Giovannetti. Giovannetti. Hey, it's a Giovannetti. You got it right for once.

Ken Hodges, Michelle Lee, Alison Ramos, and what is this? Kaki Surratt? I think that's right. I hope so. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. Everybody, really. Liz Vasquez, other producers this week.

Oh, thanks. Liz Vasquez, Rabbi Shmulevich. I don't know why gary friedman what makes me say that shit but he loves it for some reason jennifer jennifer thompson thompson uh james martyr peyton meadows david keith and delia keith uh kurt lawson ashley veal kayala ruffinach ruffinich ruffinach kayla or kayala i can't tell troy troy mariardi uh lisa truck tucker just tucker uh mary kip soosley emily uh micas john miller andrew jones austin grover paul mesuk my suck i don't know i don't i don't know katarina niazolka uh jude kendall hobb uh what is this oh it's oh happy birthday it's leah leah medlock

that's who it is her husband wanted to say that uh anita martinez travis uh tim i think that's two m's or it's tanya ian jones sarah surage amanda knight bethanyrella, Sean Labraque, Bethany Sorella, I said that, Amanda Dela Brewer, oh boy, Chris Nelson, Melissa Turner, Karen James, Omri Palid, Crystal Hewitt, Colleen Lambert, Shawnee Boswell, Ryan Burrows, Thomas Smith, Elena Mears, Janice Hill, Tom Milligan, Well, Ryan Burrows, Thomas Smith, Elena Mears, Janice Hill, Tom Milligan, Quentin. Oh, boy. God damn it. Lede, I think. Oh, boy.

Don Griggs, Emile Goldager, Matthew Webster, Tyson Chateau, I think. I think that's true. Lisa McKinley, Kieran Andrews, Nicole. God damn it. Godios? Goduito? No, it's not go dito god damn it ren uh gardner jess rivero gary friedman morgan taylor rob roberts stephanie karina tyler oh bowers he's the truffle oil maestro if you don't know that uh Rohan. Oh, hi. Rojan Bajaj. Oh, cool.

I think that's right. Yeah. I can never pronounce that, and he's so rad to us. I feel terrible for being a piece of shit, uncultured swine. Shelly Watson, Shelby Carlson, and Shelby Francisco. That was bizarre to have two people named Shelby. Wow. It was interesting. It blew my mind for a second there.

Anna Gervais, Ricky's kid. Joe Dawson. Michael Indel. What is. Michael Indelicato. Delicato. Yes, that's it. Yeah, it's Italian. Sorry, Mike. That's an Italian name.

I've heard that one before. Sorry, Mikey. Justine with no last name. Trevor Sexton. Trevor with no last name. Lena Giles or Giles. David with no last name. Chris Fenske.

Jordan Malmstrom beck uh beck knox michael chapman joe evans nathan taylor oh boy oh boy drayrock domerson i think that's right rachel moda fairy mother fairy probably not a fairy it might be ari e r e that's a irish thing i, right? Sarah Kendall, Bill with no last name. M.L. Atkinson's the third or three. Dustin Zero, Samantha Chantrelli. Jude McConkie, Michael Sylvia, John Burlock, Cole Nagel, Miranda Miller, Bridget Kuhns, Amy Hansen, Sigrid McCorvey, Nicole Varela, Keith Hilo, William Thompson, Jesse with no last name, Vicki Powers, William Schumacher, Joe Hawk, Petty Queen,

Don with no last name, Joseph Braun, Mina Dabiri, Sierra with no last name, Patrick DiMarci, Patrick Lowe or Laux,ristin stott beck what is this ben h doug moore andrea masterson megan mccristie mark norton rebecca ann weaver megan bradley kristin colander justin michael bard brard clarissa machado macado boy, oh boy. All fucked up. T. Swift, Steven Ass. I like that. K. Dan, Jade with no last name. Rachel Monier, Nissa Bradley, Marcus Polite, Marlene Holderman, Liza, Kenzie Duke, Mike Reinstra, Jake A. Barriero, God damn it.

Chris Bartolini, Sue with no last name, Johnny Abbey, Susan Miller, Cody Pinnock, Holzfaller, I know that person's name and I didn't write it. Jesse McDonald, Ann with no last name, Rio with no last name, MSP,

Carly Eduardo, Kimber Hall, Mariah D. Sam Lazaro, mcdonnell and with no last name rio with no last name msp carly eduardo uh kimber hall mariah d sam lazaro maria god that's a spanish one sorry i'm good at those i swear to god tara buckwalter chase maurice fernando nusslebaum nussenbaum uh debbie pat oh what did I do? Pat, Pat Cowell, Latoya Redmond, Michael Fowler, Brad Goers, Jess Hill, Jeff DeLuca, Janet Omo, almost. Sorry. Maureen Supple, Dita Vasquez, Ilhana and Judith Llewellyn Hay, Paige Kirkpatrick, Faith Cruz, Jamie Betterly, Liam Martin, Michael Pritchard, Jacqueline Brothers, Brandon Summers, Jody Hightower, Jess with no last name, Tom Lipps, Cy McDonald, Enrique, nope, and Yuka, and Unika. There you go. There it is. Hey, it's our time to shine. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Chris. Christy Sexton. Ryan. If and if Naomi O'Dell, Nicole Walker, Joey Conway, Jake Myers, John Gorman. Oh, boy. Prism. A sloppy attic.

Nope. Bradley Forsyth. We're getting near the end here. Saskia Shepard. Drake Sharp. Michelle Dyer. Kevin Ainge. Jeffrey Prado.

Morales. Katie Karn. Jamie. Nope. That's Jason Laughlin. Sorry. sharp michelle dyer kevin ange uh jeffrey prado morales uh katie karn jamie nope that's jason loflin sorry marty with no last name nicole curtis carmen hozak marissa bannon julie f natalie young chris owens nope that's olsen uh james craft ashley jacob vicky vasquez uh todd johnston davis burrell robert ward j Jenny Wagner, Michelle Lopez, Bailey Hanna. Wow, that's been some easy names. I know. I'm really enjoying this. Standards.

Good job. Alex Hill, Jane Matthew, Amber with no last name, Cock Waffles, Carrie Stephenson, Harry Katerson, Joe Guerriero. There we go. There it is. Guerriero. There we go. There it is. Guerriero. There we go. Ange Gowen. Terrence Filon.

Filon. Keka Metal Products. Lisa with no last name. Maddie Perella. Patrick Bragg. Charlotte with no last name. Jenna Clark. Matt Schwantz.

No way. Is it really? I mean, hey. Good for you, Matt. Keep it away. Jennifer Flora. Jason Hibbard. Ryan Kalinowski, Evo Jazonis, Audi Griffith, Taryn with no last name, Zakia Sykes, Ash Preston, Joe B., JB, J with B-E.

That's JB. That seems like JB. Andrew with no last name. Amanda Leisenring. David Gardner. Lauren VanderWaal. Nicole Herman. Matt Banks.

Diane with no last name. Carl Johan Matthias Larson. Mathias? I don't know. Kristen Fowler. I swear we're close to the end, right? We are very close. There we go.

Danny Ledbetter. Benjamin Paneamina? Yeah. Paneamina, I think. right we are very close danny danny ledbetter benjamin uh penny penny amina yeah penne amina i think uh katie williams alexis wolfson t justin schroer uh caden gomulski gomulski riley smith lindsey newton georgiana strobin uh kevin edgar daniel stack hayley roberts steve Kevin Edgar, Daniel Stack, Haley Roberts, Steve Freeze, Daniel Lofan. No, that's David. Sorry, man. God damn it. Renee Quibeman.

What is this? Matthew Shields, Jerome Watson, Emily. Nope, that's Amelia. Amelia Baker, Jackie Sukup, Nick Bell, Nicola Keenan, Jen Lin, Joel with no last name, Jerome Watson. I think I said that. Joey Lostro, Nora. What the fuck? Wilner, Caitlin Ferrari. And that was donated by her sister.

She wanted us to say Caitlin. So thank you, Caitlin. Appreciate you. You got a bitchin' last name. Greta Shaw, Zach Charles, Dana Landman, Anthony Lee, Sean with no last name, Adrian Blaylock, Steve Rhodes, Dave Buren, Lindy Cash, Amy Harbour, Chris Arcement, Elliot Spears, Jacob Becker, Susan Barash, Lisa McChrystal, Ashley Smith, Ashley Laundra, Robin Wall, Michelle Lopez, Emily Carlson, Peppenheim, Insul Jang. That can't be right. It is.

Hannah Booth, William Owen, Ethan with no last name, Aaron Spallone, Zach Roth, Lauren Lucius, Lainey Kate, Francisca Schmidt, Megan Long, Lindsay Thompson, Zoe Bednasek, Jacob, Joe, Jacob with no last name, Joe with no last name, Zach Burke, and Taylor Stebbins, and all of our patron sponsors, donators, you guys are- Supporters. Supporters. You're fucking producers. Heroes.

Thank you. They are now exposed. Thank you. Thank you, everyone, for unzipping yourselves and letting yourselves be seen and known. Honestly, we can't tell you how much we appreciate they are beautiful everything you do for us it's you're truly majestic you are you're throbbing throbbing and veiny and we're impressed by it you're very vascular he's vascular look at it you all look like bodybuilders forearms i like it vince mcmahon loves all of your penises all of you oh you're

so vascular that's that jimmy where can they find your penis you know where it's at you know where it's not in front of your child hopefully at wisp and socks is where you find me where do they find you i'm at jimmy p is funny and you can follow me and whatever the hell you want to do that's where we're at copy and paste our names if you want to find us it's a little easier but that's it everybody yeah thank you for hanging for a weird gross strange holiday story it's a holiday tale and we are off next week no show next week but yeah there will be a bonus show so don't be depressed and show it don't be depressed no our bonus show will come out on christmas keep your dick in your pants at least till our show

comes out that'll cheer you up and you won't have to expose your cock to children yes that said thank you very much everybody live from the crime and sports studios we will see you in two weeks. Bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.