Crime in Sports - #315 - Dogs & Dragonflies - The Blessedness of Aqib Talib

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

This week, we look over the career & crazy times of a man who saw nothing but success in the NFL. An all pro, super bowl champion & apparent hang out buddy of Peyton Manning. Off the field, it's getting so drunk that you can't remember punching a cab driver, as he drove 75 mph on the interstate, or gun play in a strip club parking lot, or teaming with your mother to try to shoot your sister's boyfriend. Things like that. It's fighting with teammates, during your first 5 minutes in the NFL. He does all of this, and more, but in such an entertaining way that it's still hard not to like the guy!Grow up, hating your hometown of Cleveland, get to know your pals, Tom Brady & Peyton Manning, and pistol whip your problems away with Aqib Talib!!Check us out, every Tuesday! We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!!  Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman  Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail]  Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com  Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It is brain damage sports once again, and you're going to say, it's a football player. We did one a few weeks ago. I understand. You're going to go, he was on the Broncos. He did a Bronco. I understand. You know what? God damn it.

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And for Crime and Sports this week, it is. We're going to talk about the scandals of Michael Jordan. Oh, fantastic. talk about the scandals of michael jordan oh fantastic rarely talked about because he is the the no one can is the darling of the media quite like michael jordan that this is a man who could go on national television with a hitler mustache selling underwear and nobody said shit about it it's crazy so squeaky clean so much that everybody is the michael jordan of something of something but he also had a lot of gambling issues, which was fine.

It was all off the court, but also there was conspiracy theories around his father's death connected to his gambling and his retirement early and all that crazy shit. Affairs out the ass. Paternity suits on a yearly basis. And then one of the craziest divorce settlements of all time. We'll hear all about it.

And then for small town murder, we're talking, oh my God, one of our favorites. It's been over a year since we've done it. We're going to talk about Small Town Reviews, where we read people's, good God, petty and very in-depth opinions on things, and we're going to make fun of them a lot. So it'll be very fun to read

the Small Town Reviews. That's patreon.com slash crimeandsports, and you'll get a shout-out at the end of the show, where Jimmy will try to pronounce your name and fail horribly. It's patreon.com slash crime and sports. And you'll get a shout out at the end of the show where Jimmy will try to pronounce your name and fail horribly, especially if it's Italian or Eastern European. That won't go well at all. So that said, you can also donate on PayPal. We're using our email address, crime and sports at gmail.com and still get that shout out. That said, let's get into our superstar of the week here.

It's Aqib Tlaib. Oh, I loved him. Yeah, Aqib Tlaib. As a player, he's hard not to like. He's an aggressive, hard-nosed defensive back. Hated him when he played for the Patriots. Yes. Super hated him.

And the Bucs, for that matter. Currently an analyst on Fox Sports. Oh, absolutely. He's like a color man. He's like a color man now. Yeah, he does his, that didn't sound it. I was going to say. Take it easy.

Two letters could completely ruin us. You know what I mean? Destroy that whole sentence. Everything. Destroy the whole show. Two letters could have completely ruined us there. But no, he's a color man.'s it color analyst yeah color analyst for the uh i don't think it's any better if you put analyst a man or analyst i don't think it helps at all it really doesn't

if you added those letters it wouldn't fucking matter what you described him as, you could describe him as, you know, the magna cum laude graduate of whatever. Put that before and it's bad. As long as you say color man involved, it's all fucked. It's all fucked out. So, Aqib Tlaib here, he is born February the 13th, 1986. No shit. He's younger than I had envisioned. He is so much younger than me yeah yeah i'm stunned

why is this man making us feel old yet he's still done enough to end up on our show that's great oh my god he's had a fantastic career in the time that i've been alive now he now he's an elder statesman yeah he's got respect and shit doing color he's a color man he's got all sorts of things going for him wow akib is born in cleveland ohio oh the poor bastard oh yeah to his parents yeah we've by the way there's somebody i can't remember when was a couple months ago tweeted somebody was tweeting excitedly about something crime and sports. I don't know. They liked the episode. Somebody replied to them. It was so fucking funny. Somebody replied to them.

I used to listen to that show, but they kept ripping on Cleveland, so I stopped. Come on. If you hear, okay. You got to know. If you hear things about Cleveland and you're from Cleveland, you know they're true. Somewhere. things about Cleveland and you're from Cleveland you know they're true so you either don't have a sense of humor at that point or you are really you have no idea of your surroundings because we've been to Cleveland Cleveland's terrible that doesn't mean that the people are bad no that doesn't mean that it's an awful you're a bad person for living there we're all from

terrible places that was the point we were trying to make your terrible place happens to be cleveland three girls disappeared and they were alive in a man's house and you all just thought possibly they went to somewhere better admit it that's what you thought you were like well i mean we're not surprised they left i mean shit the river caught on fire once do we tell you about that water was on fire that's not natural that place is terrible they made these videos with songs and shit it's really embarrassing it's not good man they were funny too that's the damn that was the tough part if they weren't so goddamn funny we could have dismissed them but shit god damn it they were fucking all the fish have aids even the fish come on man that's funny cr2 building's okay. Look at both of our buildings.

That's it. Both of our buildings. Both of our buildings. Fantastic. Oh, man. This guy has at least four DUIs. So, anyway, to leave here, his parents are Theodore Henry, who goes by Henry. Old Teddy Henry there.

And his mom is Okolo is her name. O-K-O-L-O. A lot of O's in that name. It's Okolo. So Tlaib is the, and they're pretty strict Muslims as well in his household. That's where that comes from. And he's the youngest of four. His two older sisters here, he's got a sister that's 16 years older than him.

So we're talking, that's a big stretch. Sure enough. That seems like he was maybe not really on purpose is what that is. That seems like, oh, shit, for real? You're pregnant? Fuck. Are you serious? This one's almost done with us.

She just got her driver's license, man. I thought we were almost done. She just taught her to drive, for Christ's sake. God damn it. And we know that I only say this because of his name, Aqib, is actually in Arabic means the last one. And that's why they named him that, because they aren't having any more fucking kids after that so that's amazing amazing name on earth that's incredible how is that is that incredible or what like i love his parents right away soon as i heard that i'm like these fucking people are

awesome they named their kid a joke that's awesome teddy hank came home and said well that's the last one she's like like, I got some news for you. Hello, little Aqib. Yeah, his name's Aqib, motherfucker. That's the last one. Shit. That's amazing. The last one.

He might as well have just said, no more kids, bitch. That would have been the name. Or that's what she named it. Maybe she said, I'm not doing this shit again. We're putting it on him. Maybe he said, I want five more. Either way. You're in agreement, probably.

Yeah. The last one. That's said, I want five more. Either way. You're in agreement, probably. Yeah. The last one. That's it. So there's that. His sister, like I said, 16 years older, which is a big stretch. And that's a, you have somebody that older, that's not even like a sibling anymore. That's almost a. No, when you're two, she's a legal adult.

That's crazy. That's what I mean. She's, that's wild. His parents divorced when he was young. And I don't know if they had the last kid to try to save that marriage and wasn't working. So he ends up kind of maybe he's the last straw and they just the last one. The last straw. That's that could be it, too.

Could be the last anything, really. So his dad ends up moving to Trenton, New Jersey. So he kind of splits his time between Cleveland and Trenton for a while until his mom moves. Yes. I mean, I'm like, Jesus Christ. Good Lord. Anywhere else you want to throw in there is Amarillo fucking full. What are you doing?

May as well split your time between Compton and Albuquerque. Yes. Ybor City fucking all packed up in Tampa there with the roosters. By the way, we'll be in Tampa in September. See you there. Doing two shows of Small Town Murder and then the next night in Orlando. So get your tickets to that. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck, man, but that's rough.

Rough going. We have a Cleveland quote. This is Tlaib, by the way, so you can go ahead and boycott Tlaib, not us, if you're angry at this. He says, quote, Cleveland, man, that was a real rough environment. A lot of drugs, a lot of violence. You're going to get tested a lot. You're going to get tried a lot, whether it's in school, whether it's on the bus ride to school. You really don't take a lot of stuff from people when you grow up there. If you do take stuff from people, then everyone will do it.

They'll just keep on trying to bully you or whatever. So it kind of makes you learn how to defend yourselves. Living in that environment makes you want to get up out of that environment. That was always my goal as a child growing up. Gee. Yeah. You know where you live sucks is if all the kid's goal is to get out of there. That's not a good thing.

That's bad, usually. That's what we mean it's not our fault you lived where bone thugs are from jesus yeah and he was he's not happy about it he just basically wrote a bone thug song that didn't rhyme he did sure did make sense of this busy if you could just say it fast like they did it wouldn't matter anyway cleveland man was a rough environment a lot of drugs a lot of violence you could just make that rhyme you make environment and violence rhyme if you say it fast enough they used to mash it together all the time you get tested a lot you're gonna get tried a lot whether it's in school or it's on the bus ride to school you really don't gotta take stuff from people when you grow up over there there there if you do take stuff from

people then everyone will do it they'll just keep trying to bully you or whatever whatever so it kind of makes you learn to defend yourself. Living in that environment makes you want to get out of the environment. And it always my goal as a child growing up. That's bone thugs. That's a bone thug suck. I can hear crazy. If you layered it.

Crazy was flush and crazy? Who cares? Busy, awful. It doesn't matter. If you layered it in there with people going, Cleveland sucks, Cleveland sucks, I don't feel like swimming, blah, blah. River fire, fire, fire, both are building. you had that shit over it and stuff it would sound

like a bone thug song same song yeah they would sell a lot it's fine cross roads can't tell the difference yeah that then you just cut into the crossroad as long as it's got a hook no one cares yeah it's fine they'll just be singing environment and violence. Do something that makes one of those fellas cry and it's a hit. It's a hit. That's all.

Put a guy who looks like Tupac in your video and call it a day. So when Tlaib's in the eighth grade here, when old Akibi's in the eighth grade, his mother moves to Richardson, Texas, which is outside of Dallas. Yeah. So he ends up. Who else is from there? A couple people. There's a few people that went to his high school. Well, his high school, I know Everson Walls went there, the old cornerback, and a few other people.

But not Von Miller at his high school, anyway. He might be from the area. I'm not sure. So Aqib and his brother are closer in age. They stay with their dad in Trenton, New Jersey. Mom moves to Texas. So nobody's in Cleveland anymore, at least after he achieved his goal. Moving on up.

Moving on up out of Cleveland. So Buffalo is honestly a step in the right direction. He's on his way there. He said that all he needed growing up though he could always look to his dad for the answers to everything he said his dad he could always depend on his dad uh he said it was a tough neighborhood in trenton that he lived into not a rich neighborhood or anything but he said his dad worked 24 hours a day basically to keep them like with shit he worked the late shift at the Kmart warehouse and then he also had a day job as well.

So yeah, he did that to try to get, you know, and whatever the kids needed, if they needed more shit, if they didn't have enough or they want needed new shoes or some shit and he wanted fucking new Jordans, he'd just pick up overtime somehow. He'd find more time in the day to do it.

He, uh, saved up enough money to send them to catholic school as well during all this and so i mean they were just both the converting them no no they're just for athletics mainly oh got it and the east coast the catholic schools are just the the quote-unquote good schools they're the schools where if you want your kids to go to college they're like prep schools and it, and it's not dangerous there. Everything's real controlled.

So you see that a lot. Like I said, watch Hoop Dreams. Those kids, they're being recruited by Catholic schools. I think we talked about this just recently. You don't have to be Catholic to go. Jason Kidd, I think, because he went to a Catholic high school. Yeah, so they said that he would always – the kids the the talib boys here the brothers would skip school a lot and shit like that and henry would always have to like kind of try to keep a tight

leash on them make them go to school henry says look all you have to do is go to school and get good grades if you do that i'll buy you whatever you want if i can't afford it i'll work overtime so what a great dad his deal with them is don't fuck around in the streets go to school and get good grades and then i'll do anything else you want you don't have to fucking scrap in the streets for shit just that's fine which is hey i mean that's better than saying you're on your own motherfuckers i'll be out tonight at the bar drinking or something so this is a good dad he's trying really fucking hard here so um he said that he they he's working all the time so he didn't have time to take like akib to all of his basketball and baseball practices and all kinds of

shit like that um he said uh henry said i'd say i can't get you to practice and he'd say don't worry about me i already got a ride somehow he always manages to get what he wants akim as a dad you're supposed to be like okay yeah i got a ride all right cool and that's what he does so i'm good i gotta go to work he's independent you know i mean shit so um he said he thought though that um they're there in trenton a little while and he realizes that it's a shit area and uh not a place where he wants the kids to grow up i knew that because i like red man yeah well that's newark so that's he's read he raps about trenton too a lot right trenton's now trenton's just the capital down there he's a newark guy but he's always rapping about newark and long island jersey yeah yeah jersey all together

jersey yeah yeah he's got a someone's got a rough jersey you know what i mean someone has to so he uh he used the father at this point realized that the mother the area she lived in in texas was actually it's a nicer suburb and has a you know good school for athletics and in texas if you know they take high school sports quite seriously down there seriously if you're a high school athlete and you really want to go to the next level and prove what you can do texas is the place to go texas florida california those are the kind of the three the three hotbeds so he ends up allowing the boys to move to texas with their mom oh i thought you would say he moved there too no he had to stay and i guess i don't know if

the kmart warehouse wouldn't transfer him or what, but he had to stay in Trenton. And Henry said, I'd go upstairs and sit in their room on the bed sometimes. I'd say I should have never let them go to Texas. Poor bastard just sitting there. That's miserable. Missing his kids. That's tough, man. Shit, that's tough.

But, I mean, he's trying to give them a better life, he said. That's everything he did. He said whether it was working, whether it was sending them there, it was always he'd sacrifice whatever to make them have a better life. So he's a good goddamn dad, I'll say. So he ends up at Berkner High School in Texas. And this is in Richardson, Texas. And he's an all-around badass athlete. I mean, he's 6'2".

Jesus. He's 6'2". he's an all-around badass athlete i mean he's a key six two and he's uh he's six two in high school he's like a buck 90 but i mean he's fast as fuck he covers nfl wide receivers he's fast he's an athlete he's a smart son of a bitch too as we'll talk about here he uh he he letters in football basketball and track for the for the school yes i mean he's just an athlete and i found in high school too he plays cornerback and wide receiver so he's doing both and uh so fast jesus christ oh yeah he's just he's dominant on in high school i see i found a few here's one uh from his what is this his uh sophomores junior year where he had an 83 yard touchdown return from an interception and yeah i mean it's it's pretty impressive all the shit that he does here and he had a uh 62 yard touchdown

reception that day too that day that day yeah he caught a long one and then brought one back 200 yards on offense and defense just running running he his favorite players as a kid he looked up to and this makes sense growing up, being in the Dallas area at this time, Michael Irvin and Deion Sanders, which I would assume any young cornerback who's got some flash to him is going to look up to Deion in the late 90s. And Michael Irvin also just has that. He's got a swagger that you kind of, if you're a kid,

you're really going to take to that sort of shit so as a senior uh he was named the high school's defensive back of the year while garnering first team all district and first team all city honors as well really yeah so kicking some ass he's a member of the four by 100 and four by 200 relay squads on the track and field team so he's just a fucking badass he's only rated a two-star recruit by rivals.com which he's still pissy about by the way i can imagine he was at a smaller school and the scouts just didn't come there as much as the others and that's kind of what it is so yeah and the ones that did probably took into account that he's playing against small schools so who even knows that did probably took into account that he's playing against small schools. So who even knows if those kids are talented.

Exactly. But he's still recruited like a bastard, though. Just kind of, you'll see, kind of not. He's not recruited by Penn State, Notre Dame, you know. It's Kansas, Wyoming, Tulsa, Arizona, Kansas State, Baylor. So, I mean, big schools, Division I schools, but not USC fucking, just not like that tier of schools. So, anyway, he ends up choosing Kansas over everybody. Yeah, Kansas, KU.

I would have guessed Baylor to stay close to mom. Yeah, no, he goes to KU. They must have had quite the pitch. I don't know what the hell. It's still kind close I guess yeah yeah it's over there I don't know what the hell kind of recruiting weekend they took him on but I bet it was something he likes to party by the way as we'll find out well that's a place to do it because that's all they fucking do that Rock Chalk is it Rock Chalk Jayhawk that place that's yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a yeah right it's a big fucking deal there man they they drink like bastards of course they do Jesus they Rock Chalk Jayhawks. That place? That Kansas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Jayhawks. Yeah, right, right.

It's a big fucking deal there, man. They drink like bastards. Of course they do. Jesus, they got nothing else going on over in Kansas. What else are they going to do? We're going to drink in a field tonight. All right. You're going to do something in a field, I assume.

There's not much else or else to do it. So 2005, he's at Kansas. They go seven and five as a team. That's not great. They go to a bowl game at seven really oh yeah they go to they go to the the illustrious jimmy the the pageantry of the fort worth bowl oh my god is it held at the airport fort worth bowl which is held in the long-term parking lot of the American Airlines terminal of the Fort Worth Airport. It's Love Field. It's not even DFW. It's just in an unused area of Love Field. We don't lay down sod.

There's already grass growing in that parking lot because nobody's here. Southwest abandoned it years ago. They don't even want it. Motherfuckers could play there. They play against houston it was not a real college football powerhouse either and uh they win 42 to 13 though they crush houston so that's good fucking crushed them yeah he uh he's a defensive back like we said he has 40 tackles that year 40 solo tackles and um he does pretty well two two interceptions. He played TB through college, huh?

Yeah, yeah. In Kansas, at the first two years in Kansas, he actually played some receiver as well. And he also returns punts and kicks. So he's just, he does a lot. He's busy. He's so fast and athletic, they're just like, where the hell can we stick him in?

You could use a guy like that in any facet of football. You know what I mean? On offense, on defense, special teams. There's always a place for a guy who runs like a 4-4-40. That's 6-2 and wiry. And is smart and knows how to play the game, too. There's a lot to that. So 2006 Kansas here.

They get worse. They're 6-6 this year. What the fuck? No ball game. Not even the Fort Worth Bowl wants them. thank you who gots but he uh has a good season except for that he's suspended for two games the first two games of the season um for they they never say what this is for they just say it's detrimental conduct they say broke team rules over the years there's many different reasons but they never will say why undisclosed infractions i want to know i want to know tell me so bad it's

not even the fucked up part is there's drug test issues but that's not what this is about this is a separate thing so i don't know what to be a fight right i gotta be attitude it's got i'm going to assume it's got to be a fight with a teammate, possibly, or something like that, because of what he does later on. He's known to fight teammates for some reason. He's fast on the trigger with anger, man. He's fast on the trigger with guns, too, we'll find out. Is that right? Oh, he will buck a shot off without—

He's a madman. Aqib plays off the field like he plays on the field. That's the problem with him. That shit works great if he plays on the field. That's the problem with him. That shit works great if you're inside the 40. But if they're inside your 40, that's fine. But if you're in a parking lot of a nightclub at 3 a.m., it's a different scenario. You maybe should be less aggressive.

He does well, though, anyway. He averages 39.5. Oh, no5 no no that's something different never mind he looks he does really well he starts that right when they bring him back in he uh also catches a 45 yard touchdown in the first game he's back from his suspension season yeah 45 yard td pass so that's not bad and um his coach said akib's played well for us all year. He's been a real playmaker. That's what he says at the end of the year. Now, in October of this year, everything's going well. I mean, he's back from suspension. He's doing great.

He's got a girlfriend, a girl named Courtney Jacobs, who's a sprinter on the KU track and field team. Oh, is she about to be slowed down a little bit? It's all doing great. I don't know how she's going to do the hurdles because track and field team. Oh, is she about to be slowed down a little bit? It's all doing great. I don't know how she's going to do the hurdles because she comes up pregnant. So the hurdles might be an issue after a couple of months, I'm going to assume. Some issues there. Add some time to her 40 with that. We're going to make her the anchor now.

She's definitely going to anchor the relay. So, yeah, she came up pregnant, and she said she freaked out about it. She said to her there was no way. She said, quote, I was really upset. I love honesty. She said that wasn't what I had planned for my life. Aqib was the one who said, Courtney, we'll get through it. We'll have enough money.

There will never be anything the baby needs. That's nice. So yeah, he said about it, quote, it was a shock. We were both in shock. We didn't mean for it to happen, but we were going to make the best of the situation. We're now living together. She's my girlfriend and she's going to be my wife.

Okay. So he said, you know what? At first we didn't know, but we decided just to settle down and um you know live a different kind of life we're just gonna be parents now that's all that's it settling on down everything's fine um that year he plays in a lot in 10 games he has uh 30 solo tackles he has six interceptions which is a shitload jesus in 10 games that's a lot of that's crazy that's a lot so he does pretty well there um you know not too shabby he's got a decision to make when the baby's coming up here um because he's also named to the playboy all america team the what the playboy all

america playboy for years like the magazine yeah yeah they did their own all america team and then they would invite all of these you know young strapping football guys to the mansion what for ceremonies and all this where they would then i'm sure romp with other young attractive women who are running around half naked i mean this is a scenario and he's gonna give everybody alcohol as well it's gonna be a party what kind of this is crazy it's a what is it it's a playboy party it sounds like a saturday night at the playboy mansion in the fucking 70s or something they're just trying to stretch it into the 90s or 2000s yeah this happened in goddamn 2002 yeah it's not the mansion not this one they used to do it at the mansion but this is they're

supposed to go to arizona which is just as debaucherous. Way worse. It's worse there. Yeah, it's worse. There's so many more eyes in L.A. That's so scary. Arizona, people feel like they can do anything they want. That's why you see how many.

Has there been a city that more of our athletes have been arrested in than Phoenix or Scottsdale? I don't think so. I don't think so. It's because a lot of them have houses there and they think, it's not L.A. No one can see me. There's nobody here. But everyone's there and they think, it's not LA. No one can see me. There's nobody here. But everyone's there and they can still see you. And there's spring training there, which is also a problem. So they're supposed to go on a trip.

There was a chance, though. This was right around the time when Courtney's supposed to go into labor, right during this trip. So Aqib, Henry,ry the father says this quote akib said i'm going to be there when she has our baby i said whoa you're really growing up now because he's not going to go to the event instead yeah so it turned out though he did go to the event and got lucky he acted like it was a big like responsible thing to go to the baby's thing but she just didn't go into labor while he was gone he just got lucky that yeah i mean it could have happened so uh she he went there uh he said it was memorable he was yeah you know he's rubbing

elbows with some of the nation's finest players i'm sure there's more than that going on what are their names yeah exactly yeah let's tell me what's what club do they work in what's their stage name these uh some of the finest athletes in the country you should see her do the upside down thing on the pole just wraps her ankles around to can dangle herself her titties flop back and forth it's something i'm all american i can't do that i can't even do that shit so his daughter is born kiara he names her she's born on june 22nd and uh he had got there in time and had to got to sit there with her for 14 hours until it all happened here he says quote it was crazy seeing my daughter come into the world it had my mind everywhere for a good two days that was the most out there experience ever and i paused because he paused he's got ellipses in there so out there he didn't know he didn't know what to say it was

trippy man man it was trippy bro i was just sitting there this one time man and like this baby just fell out of her, bro. I saw its aura, man. I just could see it, and it was purple and pink and beautiful. It was beautiful. Akeem just leaves the hippy-dippy weatherman? I don't know what his fucking deal is. I don't know what his story is here.

He said, quote, I just had more experience than Courtney from being an uncle and stuff. I was ready. It's not as hard as I thought it was going to be. That's what he says once the baby's flowing here. Are you out of your fucking mind?

I was an uncle. Jesus. Meanwhile, he's doing school shit and going on the road to football games. He's not experiencing it. It's not that bad. When I'm there once in a while, I play with the kid for a minute. I feed it and I hand it back to Courtney. It's pretty easy.

It's the same as being an uncle. It's just like being an uncle, man. I'm there like once a week. It's pretty cool. No problem. Oh, man. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden, and I'm inviting you to listen to my

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You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. They share an off-campus apartment, he and Courtney and the baby. Courtney cooks him breakfast in the morning. That's nice. The night before this article was, when they talked to them for this article, she had made pork chops for dinner. That's nice. They said he's like a regular ward cleaver. He just comes home.

That's how they said in the paper. Comes home from work and plays with the kids he said quote it's a happy home okay so it's all going very well i'm sure and his brother says about him quote this last year he's matured more than i've ever seen and i think it was in part getting older and part being in his situation it's a big spot of happiness in his life just loving that girl so much meaning his daughter i think so that's him off the field obviously wow not only is he good now he is good he's a just a he has no time for shenanigans no i'm exhausted already you should retire it's he's done too much he's done too i he's got just sitting back in a sweater relaxing right he's

in a that's how they're making him out to be like he's got one baby and they're acting like oh man he's practically you know he's just an old fart yeah passing out quarters at the same time the team the kansas team had something called quote akib rules okay this is a special not a this isn't a compliment no no no oh no this is namesake this isn't like akib rules and someone wrote it on the wall because it's so awesome this isn't like akib sets the rules of how to play the game right or how to live your life right either this is a special things that he's fucked up this is a special rule These are all the things that he's fucked up. This is a special rule for Aqib for when he fucks up, because he does it so often. They said that...

This is the quote from it, from an article, from the way a coach put it. When he did something stupid, which was not an infrequent occurrence there, his teammates could put a free body shot on him. What? And we're not talking about they're going to do some tequila out of his belly button. I'm talking about a defensive lineman can come up and punch you in the fucking stomach is what this is for.

I don't know if it's a punch or a slap. It's probably a slap. I would assume they can lay a slap, but that's going to hurt after a while. Or is it they get to tackle him? A free body shot. Either way, i don't know what the fuck it is but they get he gets physical retribution from teammates he's making mistakes so he's fucked up so many times that they out of 50 college team has like 80 guys on it

out of like 80 guys he's fucked up so much that they have to make a special rule for physical punishment for him for his fuck ups that's a lot and he's not even a senior yet he's been playing two goddamn years like this is they're electing for corporal punishment yeah holy shit the jayhawks assistant coach clint bowen and we'll hear from him a lot or bowen he said quote about ak about Aqib, quote, contagious personality, good, bad, or indifferent. So no matter what, you're going to know he's there. This coach also said, when there's excitement to be had, he'll be in the middle of it. He's had a hard time avoiding that.

God damn it. I can't believe how much that has hung on to him. Yeah. Just from watching him play. If you could say Aqib Tlaib in a sentence, that's it sentence that's it right that's it right there yeah when there's excitement to be had he'll be in the middle of it on the field off the field he's a ball hawk he's always around the ball he's a he's always talking he's in shit with people if there's a shoving match with a receiver off to the side he's right with it you're pretty sure it's him locked up with somebody yeah he's

that guy which on the field, you love that. But off the field, apparently, like I said, apparently it bleeds on the field rather than the other way around. And the difference between him and that Finnegan kid that played for the Titans and he bounced around the league other places, played other places too. The difference between him and Aqib is that Aqib can fucking shut people down. He's so good. So good.

Aqib's a guy who, if you're not a big football fan, if you don't know anything about football, if you're a foreign listener, if you've at least seen a play set up, like you've seen the guys on the line right before they snap the ball, okay? There's the guys all the way out on the edges standing up. Flanked out. Standing there looking in. Okay, those are the wide receivers. They're on an island with another guy out there.

A lot of coverages are zones, so that corner, the defense will let the wide receiver run by because a safety's supposed to pick him up and then somebody's supposed to shade over there and he's supposed to play up in case there's a dump off. There's all different ways to play. Then there's guys, certain guys, there's maybe eight, ten of them in the entire league, basically,

at a time, who are what they call a shutdown corner well that doesn't mean they can shut down everybody obviously but that's a guy where you can take the other team's best receiver yep put him on him and then that's it you don't have all game you know safety help you don't have to worry about shit we play megatron this week akib covers him and we worry about the rest of the team like daryl revis when he was at his peak and all guys like that. Champ Bailey. There's always these guys in the league, and there are always a few of them, and that's why Deion was such a commodity.

Because you could take Jerry Rice and go get on Jerry Rice. Tirely out of the equation. And he's going to have four catches for 55 yards that day because Deion's going to be blanketing him, and that's just the way it is, which is the whole rest of the defense. You don't have to worry about zones and safety coverage or any of that shit on that side of the field. So that's a huge perk. That's why these guys get paid so much fucking money. But the other aspect is when they do pay that guy and make him feel like he's that big of a tool to the team, he realizes it.

And some of them can't handle that ego stroke. And they become like this arrogance. And they get burned. And then they look like complete dickheads. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, and they're walking a tightrope where they're playing against guys who are incredible. The guys, the receivers are insane athletes.

It's ridiculous. And the receivers are insane athletes ridiculous and the receivers know what where what the play is and you don't is the other thing so they have an automatic advantage that way slight advantage it's like a catcher having an advantage over the hitter like he knows what pitch is coming you fucking don't so he's got a better chance of catching it than you do of hitting it probably right so it's one of those deals when you see that it's it's what's something to think about you know like you have to and those guys you pay them you pay them fucking 15 million dollars a year and then they fall down on a plane and and the the tweets holy shit the things people say about them are insane to it's almost like having to be a a relief

pitcher you've got to be oh It's the same type of thing. You're walking a tightrope. You have to have a mental thing of you got burned that time, but next time no one's fucking fucking with me. That has to be your automatic mindset. You have to have all those weird things for a cornerback. And by the time you're really recognized and really getting paid, that's when you're in your late 20s by then. So you're coming out of your athletic prime.

So when you're covering a 24-year-old wide receiver who runs a 4-3, you're going to get burned once in a while then. Sometimes it's going to happen, yeah. It's tough, man. It's really hard. So his coach, Bowen, here said that Aqib would pretend not to pay attention in secondary meetings while at Kansas, like the team meetings for the secondary. And then he would laugh at the safeties

when they didn't know answers to questions because he would know because he was paying attention. Bowen said, quote, he's dumb like a fox. He'll play that street thing, but don't let him fool you. This cat is highly intelligent. I think the phrase is smart like a fox or quick like a fox. I don't know, but I don't think it's dumb like a fox. Well, people say someone is smart like a fox or quick like a fox i don't know but i don't think it's dumb well it's it's well people say someone's like crazy like a fox because they're not really crazy because they're acting crazy either way whatever it is is you're pretending it is what

it is so he's dumb like a fox meaning he ain't dumb at all and he's not and so he said he'll play around but then he knows what the fuck he's doing 2007 kansas gets real good they're 12 and 1 that year really what the hell happened there they go to the orange bowl that year who the fuck did they have on that so i looked it's really nothing that's nothing impressive that's some quarterback that never did anything in the wow in like the nfl or anything so they go to the orange bowl against virginia tech that year and they beat them. Oh, 24-21. How about this? So they win the fucking Orange Bowl, Kansas, which is weird.

He plays in all 13 games, 44 solo tackles, five picks, but his five picks yield an average return of 39 yards per return. Wow. On his interceptions. He's picking the ball and running 40 yards every time average. And has two touchdowns two returns for touchdowns that year so he is a beast this year uh he's an all-american he's just you know all the all the accolades you could get yeah you don't stick around well he's no no because he's got one year of eligibility left and he gives all the credit to his brother he said a lot of it is that right said quote did

that for him he said quote my brother helped me out a lot he said his he akib used to not like to work in the weight room and he'd show up late and do just enough to get by and um when you're when you're fast you're like i don't know i'll just catch up to the guy i'll just what if i run yeah i'll just run faster he said uh he told me to look at this like it's your job and to act like this is your job and to get ready for the real world because the real world is very hard. Yeah. He's my best friend and we talk every day. He gives it to me all the time. But when he gave it to me last year, it stuck.

That sounds terrible. He gives it to me all the time. When he gave it to me last year, it stuck. We have a little girl now i just had her last week it's stuck meaning he knocked me up good like a dog like like yeah like the like it got stuck in there so we had to turn a water hose on you couldn't detach yeah you gotta really it's stuck uh he wishes he could take those words yeah he said that and then he paused and went you know what the fuck did i just say did i just say wait a second never mind he they're not going

to write that part anyway and then he kept talking uh quote he said you were a freshman all-american and you have a chance to live out your dream and get a chance to play in the NFL, but you're about to mess it up. He opened up my eyes and showed me what I had to do, and I became more disciplined. He said that he wouldn't even recognize the guy he was two years ago when he came here. He doesn't even know that guy. Who are you? What? You're not the last one.

I am. know that guy he who are you what yeah you're not the last one i am uh he said quote i was very immature i was a very immature person as far as everything workouts scheduling everything i was on my own schedule like i'll get there when i get there and i'll just get on the stairmaster and not lift the weights i was just a young and immature not knowing what my talent level not knowing what my talent level and not knowing what I had a chance to do. I was just very young and not thinking. So, yeah. He led the nation, by the way, as a sophomore in pass breakups per game.

Really? 2.80, which is pretty impressive there. Almost batting down three balls a game. Yeah, he's killing it. He said, I don't know where I would be today if I hadn't changed. He's good now. I mean, there's nothing about that. He said, I might have become a mediocre player, an average player, or I might not even be at Kansas.

He said that. But, you know, his brother has made him the shit. Now he's one of the best in the country. Consensus first team All-American. He picked off Josh Freeman in the Orange Bowl and fucking – or no, in a different game. I'm sorry. He also ran back that year against Florida International,

which I don't even know that was – had a football team there. Those two words don't go together. Never heard of that one before. Florida International. Is that an airport that has a football team? What's up with these airport football games going on he returned interception 102 yards for a touchdown against them that year so that's pretty impressive he's off in the end zone and took it back yep then he went to a family reunion during the year with his with courtney and his daughter

kiara and all of his friends wanted him to hang out in Texas. And he said, no, guys, I can't. I got my girl and my baby. I got to step away from that now. That's all over for me, damn it. I'm mature. He instead was hanging out, and he was watching ESPN, and there was a show called College Live, which was new at the time. And he said that his name came up as one of the top quarterbacks in the country.

Cornerbacks. Cornerbacks in the country. Did I say quarterback? You did. Top cornerbacks in the country. And, you know, he could be in the first round. He could be drafted in the NFL draft. He saw that on TV.

They saw that on TV, and they recorded it on TiVo and watched it over and over again. And he said, quote, it was the first time I've seen me on the real real on the real real ESPN, not Fox Sportsnet. You know, on the real one, not that shitty Fox Sportsnet, Kansas or whatever. Yeah. Local Fox bullshit. Big. Yeah. It was a Big Ten network or some horse shit. FSN. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one there. Yeah. FSN Plains. FSN Wheatfield.

I was just going to say, FSN Wheatbelt. He wins the Jack Tatum Trophy, which is the nation's top defensive back. Wow. That's pretty fucking impressive. And he's saying he's thinking about leaving early now no you're knowing all this why is there a question akib and his coach said he's really grown up a lot he really has he was a young man or he was a young kid a little bit immature when he first got here but i can't say enough positive things about the way he's

handled his uh suspension he has become not only one of our best players, but one of our most respected kids. The players like him. The coaches do. And he's all about the team. He's about winning. He doesn't care about all the accolades he's received. He deserves them. Yeah.

Well, let's start. Let's start with stop calling him a fucking kid. He's a father. Yeah, he's a father. He's a goddamn patafamilia. They all do that, by the way they all the guys could be 22 and they're like these kids and it's like i agree they're young and and don't have the world figured out but tell that let him murder somebody and go to court that's an adult also

they're they're making you a living so yeah don't stop calling them kids it makes it weird yeah that's forced child labor then yeah would you have kids beat people each other for rule infractions probably not so uh yeah he um he tyrod taylor was the in orange bowl uh oh the quarterback that yeah he picked it up off him and he ran it back for a touchdown and he was named the orange bowl mvp talib was as well here what the fuck man which i mean at that point his stock can't get any higher it really dominated as high as you can dominate on defense all he can do is fuck up so he says fuck it and he declares for the 2008 nfl draft he's gonna 2008 2008 He's expected to be a first-round pick.

And he says that. See, never would have thought about that in a million years. Is that right? It's unbelievable. He said, quote, it's unexplainable. He said, like, it almost feels like it's too good to be true. I'm not going to the NFL and being a first-round pick. That's, like, unheard of.

But it's here, man. It's really happening right now. Yeah. He's like, it's fucking crazy. I'm going to be in the NFL. This article in the newspaper says that the whole family's waiting for him to, quote, deliver the good life. Henry says he wants to retire and be able to live out the rest of his years in peace. He compares his son's probable nfl career to winning the lottery

for akib or for him which one is he talking what are we doing he said all all akib has to do is avoid injury and play up to his you know his talent uh he says akib says you can't help but think about it all the time my mom and dad are too old to be worried about this stuff i'm not i try not to think about it but of course the thought comes up, and I just try to do my best to put it in the back of my mind so I can perform and make sure it happens. So he wants to take care of his family here. 2008 NFL draft.

Okay, now we have the combine. First they have to do all the interviews, and he has to admit to and say that you know he's good now that he failed three drug tests in college for weed which who cares in the grand scheme of things but the nfl at that time doesn't allow you to smoke weed so is that going to be a problem where you're going to keep getting suspended and turn into josh fucking doesn't look yeah it's not good so um and also suspended two games for even then an undisclosed disciplinary reason we're not even talking about it wow um so at the combine though

he uh turns out that he's six foot and three quarter inches he's not six two like he's listed always what the fuck that's all of sports they round up to the next inch and then add an inch. That's how they do. They stretch the shit out of him. Yep. 202 pounds. He runs a 4-4-4 40-yard dash. That's impressive. 4-4-4 is fucking fast.

He does really well. 10 reps on the bench press, whatever. 38-inch vertical jump, too. Wow. He can jump. He can dunk like a motherfucker that's a good jump man so uh he's ready to be drafted jimmy first pick in the 2008 nfl draft johnny manziel no that was like 2000 fucking 12 13 13 12 something like that oh jesus you know jake long that was like 2002 jake long miami offensive

tackle for the dolphins here from michigan uh number two chris long is that right yes one and two one and two yep a defensive end for the rams here uh number three matt ryan of the falcons there that's a good pick darren mcfadden glenn dorsey yeah he was up there derrick harvey keith rivers uh jared mayo number 10 um ryan clady jonathan stewart brandon albert dominique rod yeah dominique rogers cromarty with the cardinals at 16 joe flacco at number 18. Wow. Number 20. Overall, Tampa Bay Buccaneers pick a key out of Kansas here.

He got picked two spots below Joe Flacco. Yeah, two spots. That's it. And after that, you got your Chris Johnson. You got guys like that coming in. But that doesn't matter. They said once he gets drafted, at the end of the weekend, they said, what's it been like?

And he said, it's been all smiles for me. I'm so excited. I don't need no sleep. I don't need nothing. It's just a dream come true for me. I don't want to wake up. Yeah, that's the day of my life. I mean, yeah, he's got to be fucking,

he's been partying, probably celebrating all weekend. Who the fuck wouldn't? Who wouldn't celebrate? Forget it. Let's meet Aqib here, as this article says. Meet Aqib Tlaib. This is like. It's such a fun name to say.

It's fun. Yeah. It rhymes. It's fun. It's good shit. So it's got the same two letters, the same last two letters of both words. It's perfect. So yeah, bone thugs would love it.

They could make all sorts of rhymes out of that they could make a whole song that's gonna keep to leave and keep to leave and i keep keep keep keep keep to leave they could just do that for a fucking entire song and no one would notice as long as they went at the crossroad as long as they put that in the middle of it every once in a while no one would care destroy chart topper so this is like uh get to know the rookie for tampa here now because he's going to be play for tampa and they said what's the origin of your name and he said it's a muslim name i know the first name means last to come i'm the youngest out of four kids so i was the last to come my last name i don't know what that means um apparently it means student from what i looked up but i who knows i could be wrong so they said

what scares you oh my god who does who's who's interviewing him yeah what scares you that's trying you what's the origin of your name is like a casual question that you would ask and then what's scary what scares you well you know what scares me really is my little girl in the world she's living in you know what i mean i mean what's it going to be like for her when she's older? Is there going to be some shit like that? Giant NFL defenses and offenses. I'm worrying about them like my legs. Well, yeah.

Worried about that. Then what would I do with my life? I mean, I got to go back to school and get my degree if I'm going to have a thing. And how am I going to take care of my kids and set a good example? He takes it a little more on the surface. More literal? His answer. Quote, animals, period.

It gets better. No, it gets so much better, Jimmy. Not just animals, period. It gets so much better. Oh, Keith, you dummy. His A to Z here is amazing because it's actually D to D and it's fucking hilarious. So, I mean, yeah, D d to d let's just say that so quote animals period dogs dragonflies what who the fuck name two animals dogs dragonflies who would say that as their first two people? That's the guy that has had run-ins with dogs and dragonflies for sure.

This makes me think he's thinking about them all the time. He's like, man, fucking dragonflies, man. What? Every time I go outside, these fucking dragonflies are everywhere. Don't you see them? They're huge. They're like fear and loathing in Las Vegas. There's bats.

There's bats. Dogs and dragonflies. Dogs and dragonflies. Dogs, dragonflies. I don't like no kind of animals. I don't like lizards, gators, none of that. Okay. I don't like any lizards, big or small. This might be one of my favorite quotes we've ever had, honestly.

Pretty awesome. I got gotta go one more time with this what scares you animals period dogs dragonflies i don't like no kind of animals i don't like lizards gators none of that okay i wish he said none of that shit none of that shit if he might have in the reporter apparently yeah he curses constantly apparently i do know that that's the thing about him like later on when they're talking about when he's on fox sports net people he knows goes i can hear him trying not to curse like i can i can hear him get on a roll and stop and go i was just about to say fuck you know what i mean like you can it's like

us if we did anything perfectly clean I can tell when you're buttoning it up and trying not to curse and you can tell when I'm doing it every time we've been on any sort of media live news show it is I'm sweating bullets I was terrified to curse in Chicago at

630 in the morning I really was like good morning cocksuckers how's it going motherfuckers let's talk about some murder like a maniac we're sitting there staring at a monitor and they're introducing us by talking about all the murder and mayhem in chicago but up next let's talk to these two guys who have a live podcast here in town and we're just like are you i want to say are you fucking kidding me well then she said let me ask you what's so funny about murder what the fuck's wrong with you lady why did you have me here why did you bring me here

it was like four in the morning our time i don't need to do this well i had like 12 jokes that i just had in the top of my head from all that murder you just had on your TV. You want to get into that? Oh, my God. So this, if you're the interviewer and you ask, what scares you? And he comes back with that, you have to just take a pause and go, all right, next question I got. He's not going deeper, I think. Probably, when he answers that just go yeah you're

right that one's on me no it's not me what scares you athlete a dumb question what scares you in life no wait let me let me rephrase um shit um damn it how do i say this where you're not going to say dogs and dragonflies um because that's weird dogs that's the name of this episode by the way dogs and dragonflies that is absolutely the fucking name of this episode the confusion of a keep the confusion what now huh what's going on i could see him saying it with like a real straight face like next question what else you got for me? What else you got? Who was your childhood hero?

Quote, my dad, which is the standard interview answer. In real life, it's Deion Sanders. My dad, he did everything right. But honestly, it probably is his dad. So much for his brother, I guess. Yeah, fuck him. He only told me to lift weights. It's the only credit he's getting.

He's done. That's it. I'm taking care of my dad, but my brother can get a fucking job. He had four kids, and he always provided for us. We might not have had the biggest house in the world, but everything we needed,

he always provided for us. He did everything right as a dad, I think. The perfect dad. Yeah. Wow. How often? I don't think we've ever heard that on a crime in sports first we never it's either the dad is either runs away and you never hear from him again or like we always

say sticks around and beats the shit out of everyone with an arm's reach of them or they're the todd marinovich dad who's like you're gonna be a fucking football player he'd suck on this kidney you know what i mean like insanely overbearing we've never had just help me when i needed it didn't bother me perfect dad he was around never at all so that's awesome what's your favorite tv show easy okay uh martin he says what it's not on anymore, but I just watch the DVDs. I was just going to say, it's 2008, man. What are you talking about? I just pretend it's 94. It makes me feel good. Like, all right, that's fine.

I like to watch old shows. Yeah, I loved Martin in the 90s. It was fun. It's a great show, but 2008, it's not on TV, number one. And Martin is in a psych ward. eight it's not on tv number one and martin is uh in a psych ward oh yeah well i catch every once in a while when we're on the road like four in the morning i'll catch martin will be on some like fucking tv station from wherever the fuck we are in the middle of the night and i'm just and i put it on i'm like oh this wasn't good at all what was i like it was really good in the 90s and it has

not aged well it really hasn't it's not two police officer being silly ain't it the same it hasn't hit the same hasn't quite aged well um what's your favorite video game now we're getting deep here we go now we're getting deep is it grand theft auto i'm a madden football guy playstation guy in kansas we're good so we press r2 random and whoever you get that's who you play as you see, we're good, so we press R2, random. And whoever you get, that's who you play as. You see, when you're good, that's what you do. You can play with anybody. That's baller. Yeah, he's got a lot of confidence in his batting skills.

That's pretty impressive. What kind of music do you listen to, and who's your favorite artist? Wow. I like rap music. Lil Wayne. Yeah. Okay. What's your favorite food? Chinese food. Sesame chicken. Oh, not bad. Lil Wayne. Yeah. Okay. What's your favorite food?

Chinese food. Sesame chicken. Oh, not bad. Not bad. What's your favorite movie? Money Talks, which is new. It's the second Wall Street movie that was new at the time. That's not good.

I think he just saw it the day before. Probably. He was like Steve in Stranger Things when he went to the video store for a job and the favorite movie ah you know star wars star war which one i don't know the one with the muppets you know that one the one with the new one i like that one it's like that's what he's doing basically i just saw it um so he's dismisses his immaturity in college because before in college he dismissed before college Now he's got to dismiss college as immature as well, even though he said he was fine. Then he dismisses his marijuana use as an immature phase of his life. That, you know, that's fine.

Yesterday, he said it was a stage when I was a young man. I'm in my 40s now. This is what moving out, moving out of the house, being on your own for the first time. All that stuff happened two and a half years ago, and I learned a lot from it. I'm a grown man now. I've moved forward from that. He said, I'm a grown man. I'm a grown man. Two and a half years ago, I was a child. Yeah.

Since then, I've learned how to mask weed and drug tests, so I'm doing much better now. And change diapers. It's better. Yeah, that and diapers. I'm doing much better now. And change diapers. It's better. Yeah, that and diapers. He said that he was honest, and John Gruden's impressed with him, coach of the Buccaneers at the time.

He said he came out, and I believe— He's been firing off crazy-ass emails. Oh, yeah, yeah. This was the time it was going on. We're going to talk about that period. He came out, and I believe was honest with what occurred. I'm not going to live in the past. We're going to talk about that period. He came out and I believe was honest with what occurred. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm going to live in the future. I trust this kid and we're going to give him an opportunity to prove it.

Brood said that. Brood said that. He said he keeps being scrutinized and he says now, he said, Tlaib's owned up to it all though and he's ready to go. And he said, actions speak louder than words so i'm pretty sure that after this season when nothing happens the scrutiny will die down that's what akib says he said so i'm not really worried about it i made a bad reputation at kansas from doing that and i'm not dumb enough to do it again okay he's good super good now by By the way, Grace, okay?

Really? Good now, baby. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing. The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back.

I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her. A long.

Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother.

That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming.

You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on freebie um rookie symposium all right oh boy this is literally you get drafted okay you go to the combine you get drafted the first thing they have you do is go to a rookie camp thing which has nothing to do with like football stuff we aren't looking at playbooks we're not running drills we're sitting the fuck down in sweatpants this is some life lessons and this is this is class 101 the first thing you're doing in the nfl so

trying to make a good impression maybe not look like a jerk off they're learning about everything they're learning about like uh everything from checkbooks to fucking insurance things to- Handling money. Wealth planning to- Understanding when you're being scammed. Yeah. All kinds of shit. Try not to impregnate strippers on a yearly basis.

Once in a while, we get it. But not a yearly basis. It's going to add up in your finances after a while. There's going to be a lot of women that want to have sex with you try and pick the ones that don't uh want something out of you or also don't just fuck everybody because some have diseases some yeah and also they say here's the banned substance list and they put a list that's like 14 you know 45 feet long it's like santa's naughty and nice list you can't have any of this shit don't take any of this okay so while attending the rookie symposium and being in the classroom oh boy he gets in a fucking fist fight with a teammate

a rookie teammate of his what do you want to bet that was in the symposium yeah don't fight with teammates i'm already beating him up what if i'm already punching him uh cory bird is his teammate oh by the way he then also overslept and missed a flight to canton ohio for a mandatory rookie function at the pro football hall of fame right after he got in a fist fight at the rookie symposium why would you do that then he missed team meetings during organized team activities and training camp in his rookie season. That's literally all you have to do. Your whole life is football and it's scheduled for you.

All you got to do is show up. It's literally your fucking job. Yeah. That's what your job is. And he fucked it through training camp, fucked it all up completely. Wow. Not on the field, everything off the field. Can't get organized or anything like that um he was competing for a job as one of the corners but they have ronde

barber and philip buchanan on the team too so you know he's probably going to be the third corner is what they think because he's a rookie depth charts pretty stacked there it really is so apparently akib and cory boyd had, from what it says in this article, Boyd is the fighter. Corey Bird is that boxer. Corey Boyd, they'd been arguing, jawing at each other back and forth for a while, and then it became physical when Aqib attacked him. The incident was broken up by Rob Davis, who is the Green Bay Packers director of player personnel,

who just happened to be standing by. And he's a former long snapper, so he's a player. At least he's a big guy. But a guy in a polo shirt. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And khaki shorts. Right. It's the middle of the summer.

Or no, no, it's earlier. So maybe pants. He probably has long pants on. Let's make it respectable here. So he said they were told not to let the incident leave the room but it obviously did because we're talking about it 15 years later so that's what happened he also appears in friday night lights he was in that movie he's in the i don't know if it's the movie tv show i guess at this point here um he said that he's featured prominently in at least one live action segment of the film do they make like a sequel because that came out earlier i thought uh no it came out around then

okay maybe yeah he said with it might be a remake the one with tim mcgraw i don't fucking know i can't stand that shit i don't care about high school football at all i'm not watching a movie about it it's garbage i yeah yeah i saw it i was like this sucks man i don't want to watch this so they said that um he didn't really he wasn't real excited about it he said i yeah yeah i saw it i was like this sucks man i don't want to watch this so they said that um he didn't really he wasn't real excited about it he said quote yeah i'm in it you can see me number three we were in cover two and the quarterback put the ball right between our safety and me he put it right in the hole there and he was like i don't like getting shown up on phil like even if it's not me i still i don't like anyone that's in the script i don't

know it's not good so 2008 he gets his first contract which is a rookie contract it's the entry-level rookie deal here which is for five years yeah 14 million dollars it's not bad no with always the number 20 pick with a $1.5 million signing bonus. So he's going to get that right up front. Not bad at all. The team goes 9-7 that year and doesn't make the playoffs. Yeah. So that's not great.

But that was the year the Saints were dominating, right? 2008? I thought that was 2006. Was it Falcons or Saints? I can't remember. Either way, here are their three quarterbacks. So this will give you an idea where they were. Jeff Garcia,

who was a good quarterback in his prime, but he's 38 at this point and wasn't really that good anymore. Brian Greasy, who I didn't even know was still around at that point. 2008. Yeah. He was only 33 somehow. It seems like he was around forever being terrible.

33 in 1999. No shit. And then Luke McCown was their other quarterback. It was not the best. somehow seems like he was around forever being terrible 33 in 1999 no shit and then luke mccown was their other quarterback it was not probably the best of the three he played in two games and was oh for one in class attempts maybe he's not garcia had 12 touchdowns six picks so he was decent greasy had five touchdowns seven picks so uh, Aqib plays in 15 games. He starts two. He has four interceptions for 32 yards returned. So not too fucking shabby at all. He's doing pretty well.

And yeah, four interceptions. I say receptions, I think. Interceptions. So 2009, the next year, at the start of training camp, he said, damn it, I've learned from my mistakes. Okay. I'm not that guy anymore. That was an immature guy. Yeah, now I'm done fighting.

Well, that's what he said. Quote, I'm a year older, and I've gone through a lot of stuff in the past year. He matures fast and then doesn't. He really does. And then does again. I've had my ups and downs, and learn from it but i've got no regrets it's life you can't you can't regret nothing in life everything happens for a reason don't regret it just learn from it so he's what is he jimmy super good now he's fucking sailing he's great

may of 2009 he gets in a fight with teammate donald penn which physical altercations with teammates in practice happen because it's every day you're it's two a days two in the beginning like you're chipping away at the same guys all day every day so in the heat eventually you're gonna teammates are not you're gonna get scrapping but you can push and shove and all that he he swings a helmet at him, though. Oh, my God. Which is a dangerous weapon at that point. No one was wearing helmets.

He just took this and swung it. Didn't hit his target, though. On the way to him, hit another guy by accident. Oh, God. Who just happened to be nearby. Torrey Cox, another quarterback, cornerback. Hit him in the head. Fucking opened up a big gash in his head but

he had to go get stitches for it don't swing your helmet at teammates you can't do that he really does love michael irvin jesus christ but see that's the in practice too that you're both trying to earn a spot so these are two starters against each other you know what i mean and and you've got to try to show that you got to try to shut that guy down and that guy's got to try to catch the ball if he wants to stay on this fucking team in the same position in the depth chart so it happens all the time ruling it's brutal you see yeah guys on the line who have been blocking each other constantly rubbing up against the same guy a hundred times a day in the heat you're gonna get a horrible shit you say to each other in a game in in sports. Jesus.

It's tough. It's a brutal thing here. So that's what he does. That's to show his maturity, apparently. And all he's learned from. Then in August of 2009, he further shows his growth here. This is all before the season even starts. After he said how mature he is, but before the next season starts. So in that sweet spot there.

August 20th, 2009. This is according to the Florida Highway Patrol police report here. Oh, no. I love it when we start with that. This takes place about 1110 p.m. on Interstate 275 at Gandy Boulevard in Pinellas County. Interstate 275 at Gandy Boulevard in Pinellas County. Buck's cornerback, Torrey Cox, who, by the way, is the guy he hit with the fucking helmet in the head and not opened his fucking head up. Apparently they're buddies because they're in a cab.

And it's Torrey Cox, Angelo Crowell, a linebacker, and Aqib here. They're all in a cab. The driver of the cab, Duggan is his name here. Is itid duggan i believe if i'm not mistaken either way last name of duggan he it's uh jim duggan here hacksaw jim duggan every time he picks someone up he pulls away and he goes oh out the window and then you say you know you're on the way so they he said he picked the three men up at nova three five or five three five which is a lounge in saint petersburg sounds like a nightclub that's a yeah about 10 45 p.m and was taking them to the homewood suites near the tampa international airport what what the fuck are you staying there for you have money you live in the city why are you staying there for? You have money. You live in the city. Why are you staying in an extended stay?

I'm not staying at the Homewood Suites near the Tampa International Airport. You certainly shouldn't be staying there if I would fucking stay there. If you live in the town, you know what I mean? They play for this team. They live here. They're staying in an extended stay? What the fuck are you doing? I don't know if maybe there's...

Yeah, they're all on the team. What are we doing? Well, it's training camp there's... Yeah, they're all on the team. What are we doing? Well, it's training camp, though, so maybe they're not by their homes. This might be where the team's putting them up for training camp. That's possible, too. If that's true, the NFL better get their shit together, because that's terrible. Training camp's supposed to be shitty, though. That's why.

They used to do it... Some teams would do it in army barracks. Oh, my. They'd do army barracks oh my they do army barracks i remember hearing about these in like the 60s and 70s army barracks where the guys it was like major league the guys had to sleep on cots and shit like double stacked cots and at the at this whatever curfew was they'd lock the fucking door and lock you in there and it was like yeah that's like you're in prison yeah that's what training camp was. Or they do like, a lot of teams would do training camp at colleges

because over the summer there's no kids there. So they would use the dorms as their thing. So they'd have like dorm rooms all summer. Beautiful. Yeah, so this is actually. I need Lawrence Taylor jerking off in my bed. Exactly, banging strippers in my bed. So this is actually like a step up when the teams would actually put

them up at like even a half a half decent hotel their site because at least they're not you know sharing a dorm room with two other guys so they're getting dropped off there and apparently a few minutes into the drive uh as according to this article quote it took a dramatic turn this is this is duggan's quote from the whole thing. He said, I thought I was getting robbed. I thought I was going to die. I didn't know these guys were Tampa Bay football players. I thought I was done.

And the reason why he thought he was done is because he was assaulted by Aqib while Aqib was in the back seat and he was driving. What? This guy, Duggan, claims Aqib began punching him in the back of the head while he was driving what this guy dug in claims akib began punching him in the back of the head while he was driving on interstate 275 prompting the driver to swerve around obviously because he's being punched in the head before stopping on the side of the road and calling the police so um the guy the cab driver said he never spoke to akib while they were in the cab he doesn't know there's this was completely unprovoked they were in the cab. He doesn't know that this was completely unprovoked.

They got in the cab. They're going to the home with sweets. He said, sure, and started driving. And the next thing you know, he's getting jacked in the back of the head by an NFL cornerback, is his claim here. I am stunned. He said that he charged them $50 for the ride and collected the money up front. It was a flat rate, you know, from there to there type of deal. and collected the money up front.

It was a flat rate, you know, from there to there type of deal. So he said that he believes that Tlaib was one of the three bucks headed back to the hotel there. He was unsure of the other identities of the other men. This was right after it happened. He said, quote, Tlaib began punching from behind, and the car went from the right lane to the left lane. The guy in the front seat started yelling at him dude you're going to kill us you're going to kill us stop punching the guy driving 80

miles an hour what the fuck is wrong with you are you nuts um so duggan says i felt like i got hit with a hammer i thought i was getting robbed until the cops ran his id I had no idea who he was. Why would you? They said that in the end, the responding officers had their pepper spray all out and all this type of shit. And Duggan said he protested this whole thing. He didn't want him to pepper spray in the car because Tlaib wouldn't get out of the car. I got to drive that shit. Yeah. Duggan said Tlaib didn't want to get out of the car. I got to drive that shit. Yeah. He said, yeah. Duggan said, Talib didn't want to get out of the car.

They said they were going to pepper spray him. I said, don't pepper spray the car because that's going to be bad for my customers. Yeah. The then three police officers yanked him out of the car and stuffed him in the back of their car. So, yeah, he wouldn't come out of the car, though. So they charged him with resisting arrest as well. I can't believe't believe nothing precipitated that no no nothing and it's nobody said there was nothing no reason this is another thing that akib will claim that happens to him is uh he doesn't remember shit when he gets too drunk he doesn't know why he did things or remember or remember doing them so blackout

drunk yeah if he gets going it's apparently I think this is one of those situations where he doesn't even know what the fuck he was doing. Who knows? He might have been working something up in his head. That's scary. That's maybe their work. Yeah, that's absolutely the worst byproduct of blacking out. Most times you just wake up next to somebody

you didn't want to fuck. This is crazy. This is way too bad. I beat up a he's the dug in his 5 7 170 pound cab driver oh my god i mean this is crazy he ended up in the emergency room for five hours he's got big knots on the back of his head um you know from being punched and uh this is sad too jesus for the past two yearsuggan was a tow truck operator before layoffs from the company caused him to lose his job. He was down on his luck and moved in with a friend sleeping on his couch.

So he started working for the independent cab company three days ago to try to get back on his feet. My God. Jesus Christ, man. That's a hell of an orientation. What a fucking that's a rookie symposium right there god damn right it is what for the record oh what a terrible story he said that he said that he's not sure whether he's going to drive his drive his cab again after this because in only three days he got beat up by a cornerback would you even drive that cab home i just i'd call it yeah and then punch that guy in the back of the head come get your car i'm

taking a cab home pay it forward bitch um he said that quote this is from duggan i don't go around beating up people i've never been in a fight in my life i'm not that type of person it was a vicious attack it's like a hungry lion going against a chicken it was that quick okay against a chicken yeah you've seen that lions are always going after chickens they're they're mortal enemies everyone knows that chicken farmers do know that uh you got to get a dog to keep it keep out keep an eye out for the fucking lion that's why you get the shepherds yeah to keep away from the lions there duggan said i called one buck place which is headquarters for the Bucks, and I'm ticked off. I have a bunch of medical bills now, and somebody needs to pay them.

Absolutely. Good fucking God. Apparently, the event that he was at is described as an art lounge, an event space at 535 Dr. Martin Luther King Street North. space at 535 dr martin luther king street north that night it hosted dj fresh's annual black and white birthday celebration and the event had a ten dollar cover charge usually it's an art gallery with wine and shit but tonight we got big booty hoes and dj whatever the fuck dj easy dick playing the bit playing the hits it's like a comedy club yeah please and then put you know youtube star fuck my mouth is on wednesday nights you guys all know fuck my mouth right sticks things in his mouth and makes it all big yeah everybody

knows that it's gonna get wild tonight oh man but he punched duggan in the right ear and neck and back of the head with a closed fist, causing him bodily harm, according to the police report. And apparently when he wouldn't get out of the car, he was asked three times by the trooper to exit the vehicle, but was uncooperative without offering or doing violence. He just said, I'm not getting out. He wasn't like, fuck you and kicking at him or anything. The report stated there was an indication of

alcohol influence yeah yeah i'm gonna say so here the bucks will they said we're gonna defer to the commissioner here of the nfl for any disciplinary procedures you know it's not our problem really um the general manager said quote it's unfortunate certainly what happened last night. I've been in contact with the league office today. This falls under the personal conduct policy. Whatever decision is made, the commissioner's decision supersedes anything the club does at this time. I'm working with the commissioner's office. We're going to continue to work through this and come to a resolution together. So, yeah, the league spokesman says that they're gonna look into it and figure out

what's going on then dominic said you know akib this is the general manager of the bucks akib is a very outgoing outspoken young man he certainly needs to be needs to mature a lot more that's what i'll say i thought he was all matured up he's been doing so much mature and he's still got more to go god damn it man how far down was he to begin with uh dominic went on to say that's what we're doing is trying to help him it may not seem like it's working but i think we're going to continue to work with him if he needs counseling he's going to get counseling we're going to work and try to catch his attention well there you go so 2009 tampa they're 3-13. Yeah.

They suck. They fell apart. This is after Gruden quit. This is Raheem Morris' first year here. During that season, charges are filed against him for the cab driver deal. And the assistant attorney, assistant state attorney, Ripplinger, said, we believe the cab driver was hit. There's been no explanation that the cab driver did anything that caused him to get hit while driving on the interstate crazy nothing could cause you to punch someone while they're driving you at 75 miles an hour that's fucking that's insane

that's fucking crazy uh he went on to say he hit a cab driver while he was driving on the interstate that's very it's a very serious situation luckily there was no collisions as a result because he hit him. He just went over a lane. He could have bashed into somebody and it could have been bad. He also said the D.A. that alcohol was a sufficient explanation for what happened more than anything. Yeah, I could have told you that. Probably.

They said that in the end, he's not charged with the resisting arrest, even though he was he was arrested for it. They said because without there was no violence there, and they said that alcohol could have played a role in his not exiting the cab immediately. Maybe he felt unsure on his feet. We don't know. We're going to go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt, you know, because he's on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and there's nothing else going on in Tampa, really. Maybe he feared for his safety, didn't recognize them as officers.

Who knows? Miami has sports. Fucking Orlando has Disneyland. We have this. We have this. And that's it. So they said he's going to enter a plea of not guilty. And his attorney, Tlaib's attorney, said,

We are pleased that they dismissed the charge involving resisting arrest, since we were confident that charge had no merit. We will move forward in defending the battery charge. Obviously, there's a lot of options that are available, and the charge is only a misdemeanor. So we will work with the state and move forward in seeing the best resolution for what we can get on behalf of our client. We're going to cop a plea.

If they'll give us a plea, we'll take a plea. Put it that way. So Aqib starts all 15 games he plays in this year really which is uh not too shabby uh at all he has five interceptions which is better than last year yeah again not too shabby recovers a fumble as well in there 64 uh tackles not bad he's doing well yeah on the field anyway he ends up pleading not guilty to the cab incident here. And the case ends up, they end up dismissing it

because he ends up pleading eventually and he enters a pre-trial diversion program and agrees to take anger management classes. Anger management will keep you from blasting a cab driver when you're drunk? I think he needs alcohol management classes. There it is. I don't mean to quit drinking,

just how to manage being drunk better. You know what I'm saying? You know the point where you go, oh, I'm really fucked up. I'm going to start punching cab drivers soon. I should stop. Whatever you felt before that, get to that point and stop. There's buzzed.

You know, there's a few beers. There's, I'm pretty drunk. And then there's buzzed yeah you know there's a few beers yeah there's i'm pretty drunk and then there's i'm so fucked up i'll punch a cab driver while he's driving for no reason that's a different level of drunk you know or don't leave until you've passed that to yeah i'm not even capable of punching a cab driver yeah just carry me to the car and put me in there and i'll sleep until we get home that's the other you get. That's the level he has to be at always. But just that belligerent, like looking at everybody suspiciously drunk look like you're like, yeah, that's the guy I'm like. I'm waiting to fucking dodge a shot from that guy all the time.

So also they reached a civil agreement with the cab driver so he can get his medical bills paid, which is nice. I was worried about that guy. here bad time yeah so 2010 tampa improves to 10 and 6 this year so they won seven more games yeah good job raheem morris man that's not bad at all uh he plays in 11 games akib does because he's hurting this year a little bit uh 11 games, starts all 11, six interceptions this year. So four, five, and six he's gotten so far. Not bad. He's doing great. Fantastic, actually. March of 2011, this is interesting, what happens here. So, okay.

There is an incident with his sister, Saran. It's like the rap, S-A-R-a-n saran right yeah saran sarin maybe i don't know we're gonna go with saran because that's what i see because it's not a fucking rap yeah so anyway uh her boyfriend apparently had there'd been an incident earlier in the day with this guy all right uh billings is his last name he was enlisted as a suspect in a disturbance at his sister's home earlier that day and was taken into custody on charges of domestic assault interference with an emergency phone call yeah he he roughed her up and then tried to take the phone away when she tried to call 9-1-1 so uh i guess apparently the guy was charged with

intentionally and recklessly scratching her head and uh with his fingernails okay what a weird thing for a guy to do i'm gonna scratch your head like what a well i've never i've never even yeah i can see it being an accident too like somebody like trying to like hold on to you too long you're like trying to push him off and you like accidentally scratch him but what if he's opposed scratched on purpose that's a move it says intentionally if he was just like like you know intentionally that's what he did he went he was like and then he like i don't know what he said bro right like what the fuck if he did not hiss he did it all wrong yeah if you're gonna scratch somebody you better hiss, he did it all wrong. If you're going to scratch somebody, you better hiss beforehand.

That makes it. It lets them know it's coming right there, you know. And I make that sound effect when you scratch at him. So, yeah, that's what ended up going on. Apparently, then he took the phone from her hand and broke the phone when she tried to call 911, which is highly illegal, obviously. So out of this, later on in the day comes an arrest warrant for Aqib Tlaib. Okay. How do we get there?

Because he's defending Saran. You betcha. Oh, you know, he is going to keep her all under wraps, sir. He's going to keep Saran. Wrap her up real nice. Wrap her up. Oh, you know, he is going to keep her all under wraps, sir. He's going to keep Saran. Wrap her up real nice. Wrap her up. The investigation began when police were called at 7.30 p.m.

to a disturbance where people were fighting and gunshots were heard. Okay. What? This is well after the original arrest of Billings for the scratching and phone breaking. That took place at like noon. He's out of jail. The same day. He's out of jail by now.

Okay. So, yeah, this is the home of Saran and also Shannon Billings is her boyfriend who lives there as well. Okay. The Garland police will end up saying, quote, we're very fortunate that no one was shot and killed that day. The reason is. For lack of trying. Oh and killed that day. The reason is trying. Oh, it certainly wasn't for lack of trying. The Garland police said that Aqib and his mother, a colo here, shot at Billings. Both of them did that day.

They missed. Thankfully, this is fucking nuts. They. Wow. Okay. So here's what ends up happening. They said they're called to this disturbance with her and her boyfriend. Akeem apparently had pointed a nine millimeter at him and shot at him and missed. Then he pistol whipped him.

Oh, Akeem pistol whipped the boyfriend after he shot at him. He then pistol whipped him. Then apparently at one point while during mid pistol whip, I guess it was outside. He hit the gun on a fence and it flew out of a key's hand and Billings picked it up. And now he has a key's gun. Oh, no. And start squeezing the fucking trigger. But luckily for a key, when he hit it on the fucking fence, it did something to it and fucked it up and broke it.

So now it was jammed. But this guy is squeezing shots from three feet away trying to shoot Aqib because Aqib's beating him with a gun. And the gun's jammed. Aqib's lucky to be alive. Oh, he should have been killed. Yeah. If he didn't hit that fence just right, he'd be dead as fuck at that point. Wow.

should have been killed yeah if he didn't hit that fence just right he'd be dead as fuck at that point so at that point once everybody realized the gun isn't working then akib starts fighting billings with his hands then they start going to fucking combat which is understandable they're trying to kill each other with weapons this is a this is a de-escalation of anything so um he ends up fucking fighting with him uh They're rolling around fighting. While this is happening, a colo pulls up in her car, jumps out of her vehicle, handgun in fucking hand. Mama Tlaib arm to the teeth. Mama Tlaib jumping out like Starsky and Hutch or some shit. She slid across the hood and fucking ran over there.

Like Martin Lawrence in Big Mama. Yeah. With her gun out, bucking shots at Billings from there. some shit she slid across the hood and fucking ran over there like martin lawrence and big mama yeah with her gun out bucking shots at billings from there akiva's right by her too she's just bucking shots missing everybody thankfully but bucking shots immediately coming out of the car um billings is diving for cover they said several shots they several shots she fucked at him 11 she probably emptied the clip i don't fucking know yeah so this whole thing what that's what the police arrived to wow was this craziness him fighting him blood gunshots gunplay what a scene everybody's fucking armed. Aqib had taken off earlier before the cops came. Aqib took off. So he said through his lawyers that he's set to turn himself in later in the week.

He's wanted now. Wow. Imagine that. I'll be around. I got stuff to do maybe Thursday. That's like the Chappelle show sketch where he's like fucking, you know, with Tron or whatever. I'll be there like, you know, Thursday. You know, I got an appointment with my girl.

Between 11 and 7. Between 11 and 7. And he shows up fucking at midnight. So, yeah, his bail was going to be set at $25,000 once he gets in there. He could face years in jail up to 20 years in prison for attempted murder. He tried to fucking shoot a guy. So that's not good. Can't buck shots at people.

This is before he even turns himself in. The Bucks general manager again, Dominic here, Matt Dominic. He's Mark Dominic. He's a busy guy. He is. He said, we are deeply troubled by the serious charges filed against Aqib Tlaib. Due to current labor circumstances, we will withhold any further comment or action. Because they were in the middle of a lockout at that point. So they're like, not our problem.

We have a lot of shit happening. A mom, Mama Okolo here, was booked into jail as well on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon with an additional charge of a felon in possession of a firearm because she's got felonies what mama mom mom's got felonies yeah wow mom's got felonies um which by the way that she's up for the golden gilretha award feel like, because she jumped out of a car and immediately started bucking shots off. That is Golden Gilretha territory right there. That is like, wow.

We had another, there's a couple of good candidates so far this year. I got to say, yeah, strong, strong mom candidates. Her bond was set at $25,000 as well. And another 5,000 for the possession of the firearm by a felon.

She's got issues like he does. He ends up turning himself into authorities finally a few days later, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, posts his bail and gets the fuck out of there. He was like, Mom's on her own. Fuck her. No, he didn't say that. Imagine that. But for real.

I bailed myself out, but Mom's gonna have to figure that shit out on her own. Yeah her. No, he didn't say that. Imagine that. But for real. I bailed myself out, but mom's going to have to figure that shit out on her own. Yeah, they keep saying the team, every time they ask for comment, the team just keeps saying they're deeply troubled by what happened. So he's finally indicted for it again. He's actually indicted officially. And his lawyer says that he's going to be cleared because the grand jury was not privy to a number of important facts. Like what? Like, yeah, they were they tried to kill a man like, yeah, you know, I don't know. So about a month later here, he is a month later.

Well, this is all going on. The felony charges are dropped by the prosecutors. Wow. Yeah. going on the felony charges are dropped by the prosecutors wow yeah he was set to stand trial on june 25th and like two weeks before that they dropped the charges against him which is crazy um his lawyer says we appreciate the district attorney's thorough review of this case akib is appreciative of the support he received from the tampa bay buccaneers organization his teammates buccaneers fans and his friends and family during this difficult period.

With this matter now successfully behind him, Aqib's sole focus is on contributing to his successful 2012 season with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Holy cliché bullshit. Wow. Oh, wow. That is the silverest clichéd statement of all fucking time. So, 2011, he's back on the box like it never happened no big deal here um they go 4 and 12 that year not great at all back down to shit december 19th they place him

on the ir so he's a little injured here uh 13 games started two picks he has two return for touchdowns though both picks he returned for touchdowns so that's impressive he uh during that year i'm sorry 2012 is the next year 2012 season he in october he's suspended by the buccaneers for four games for violating the nfl substance on performance enhancing drugs um he uh he has a positive test for adderall so he's taking adderall yeah before, a lot, it's a pump up. I mean, it'll get you going. So, um,

yeah, positive test for Adderall. And, he said, quote, around the beginning of training camp, I made a mistake by taking an Adderall pill without a prescription. So if you have a prescription,

I think you're allowed to do it. So, um, anyway, the bucks, he suspended and he's in the last year of his contract as well. So the Bucs are willing to listen to offers for him, and they end up trading him to the New England Patriots for a fourth-round draft pick. You sent your first round for a fourth?

Which, it's the last year. They were going to get nothing for him if he goes free agent. And for New England, you just got a starting shutdown corner for fucking a fourth-round draft pick. For nothing. For nothing. Dominic, the general manager of the Bucs again, he said, the thing you have to keep in mind as an organization

is your body of work and what it is. Tlaib played well here, but at the same point, he's got eight games left on his contract. We have to look at everything when we make these decisions so there's that he said uh there's been long days of calling every team to ask what's the opportunity what might make sense for our football team and that's what we got thursday the good thing about this trade is it provides us another fourth round pick oh everybody loves a fourth round draft pick the fourth round has been good to us. That's where we got Mike Williams. That's where we traded up,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, he said, I told him,

Oh, this is a man. Gino here. He said, I told him this is a fresh start with new people. Make a great impression. He said, he'll work practice for him was fun.

He told me he was excited to go there because they win, but he knew they have a system there. They're very structured. They play very intelligent football. I just told him, work hard and lay low. When you're not at work or in meetings, just lay low and relax. So don't get in the limelight here. So November 12th, the Patriots lift his suspension.

They're like, that was with them. That's not us. That helmet's silver for a reason also. Yeah, he hasn't fired a single shot in boston nobody yeah nobody here has seen a gunshot so i don't know shit um now he has some shit to talk about uh shiano who is i guess he's a prize general manager but that was dominic somebody with the organization yeah he says quote i always felt like Shiano had it out for me because I don't know, whatever. Whatever he heard in the past.

He came there. It was already my fourth year in Tampa. I'd been in trouble with the law every year. I'd been in a fight at a rookie symposium. So he had the rundown on me. So I feel like he was on me from the beginning. So that wasn't the first straw. That was just the last straw.

Well, yeah, you just explained it. You done been in trouble with the law every year and done been in a fight at the Rookie Symposium. So when you done did that shit, people are going to fucking wonder if you're going to fuck up more and worse. When you done been a problem. Yeah. You're going to get moved. It's a thing. Then he said, quote, i don't know if it's

if he's ignorant or what to me i don't know if he's ignorant or i love i like this guy um i like this guy so far he beat up a cab driver which i don't like because that's like talk about punching down jesus christ and physically and in the world crazy and it's just crazy to punch a cab driver who's driving you that's just insane um but for no reason like i can i can understand like getting but what how do you even talk to a cab driver to get to a point where you're mad at them i wouldn't they didn't even talk that was the fucked up part uber drivers fuck that no and then the thing with his sister i get defend i get this guy got arrested for hitting your sister and shit earlier in the day, and now she just told you that he's back.

Well, guess what? You're going to fucking go over there and try to get rid of him. But I don't think gunplay is the way to approach this. That's the problem. It's a bad plan. That's going to be murder at that point. That's not good. So you can't do that.

I could see going over there and threatening to kick his ass. That would be understandable. I'd have no problem at all with that but pistol whipping is a different story i understand the want to trust me but you just can't do that so he treated him like henry hill treated the guy across the street from fucking that's the craziest pistol whipping ever because like in my head i see somebody getting pistol whipped by somebody holding the barrel and like you know i mean like and just whipping them with the oh no no but like holding it like a fucking rock and just mashing it into a guy's face while you hold the back of his hair to make sure you really get a good square shot in on him that's unbelievable that's lovely

shit right there so uh keebs said i don't know if he's ignorant or what to me he just had it out for a few guys so when them guys did anything wrong he made sure it was known that those guys were doing things wrong whereas if other guys were doing things wrong on the field he just kind of swept it under the rug so i think he just had his guys that he wanted to make his mark with and i was one of those guys so there you go also you got arrested every year and got in a fight at the rookie symposium generally bad yeah there's also that uh 2012 with the patriots they go 12 and 4 yeah they go all the way to the afc championship game where they lose to baltimore baltimore this year oh 2014 so 2012 2012, this is. This is when Baltimore won the Super Bowl.

Oh, against the Niners, right? Yeah, so Baltimore there, 28-13 they lose to Baltimore. So an ass-kicking. Yeah. Yeah, it was a good ass-kicking. This year, what does he have? He only has one interception for New England, so that's fine. He's shipped around. He said he likes it there.

He said, these guys definitely welcomed me and treated me like i'm part of the family they're straight about business around here you're definitely going to play some real football around here um he's going to be a free agent and uh the belichick said that he likes him a lot he he notes his professionalism yeah and belichick said i like him and the team likes him okay so they're gonna try to keep him he's good now he's definitely good now yeah he said i've just been living one day at a time for as long as i can remember this is a key um i never worried i'm only 26 years old i never thought oh man my career is over i didn't do nothing that bad now you almost killed a man you tried to kill a man and you almost killed

yourself and three other people in a cab too so right you there's been possibilities of death happening with multiple incidents with you and it's not over yet with that by the way he he said it was early a bunch of money a bunch of new friends know, I was immature is what he's saying. So a bunch of my opportunities to get in trouble basically. All the bad decisions I made, it made my play get overshadowed. As much success as you have early in your career, who knows what it could have been if you was coming home and eating healthy and hydrating and watching film and really working out in the off season. Things that, you know, you would have started that year one who knows what could have uh what could where your career could go right yeah he said i always love the game and to be able to wake up every morning and go to work and play and my job is to go study and learn and play football it's wonderful man yeah you gotta

surround yourself with good people you know know what I mean? Aaron Hernandez. You know, guys like that, good people. Guys like Aaron Hernandez. He definitely has, and a lot of people, it's a thing that most people have, he has job interview talk and then he has real talk, you know what I'm saying? Like that one interview where he's kind of you know, kind of just talking shit. I like Martin. I like that.

He sounded more like himself. But then when he's giving like a statement about how he feels about being somewhere, he sounds like an attorney. All of a sudden he turns into a different. Well, actually, let me tell you from the start, sir. It's cool. Yeah. You know, he knows the situations to be whatever. I mean, that's that's smart. It's she speaks the language, that's all.

So November 12, 2012. By the way, when he retired, he was, I believe, tied for the most pick sixes in NFL history. Is that right? Yeah. Here's one of them, which was in November 2012 versus the Colts. Andrew Luck threw a pass, and he he intercepted it went up the right sideline ended up with a 59 yard touchdown return so uh this was a big deal for the patriots the cults were a big rival so and it was a 14 14 game at that point and it broke it open

he says it was in division right it's a colts no no that's south and south and you're right you're right so he said that it was his favorite pick six of all time. He said, quote, it was my first big play on the main stage. New England playing the Colts. That's main stage football. Your game's going to be 430, America's game or a night game. We was blacked out all around Tampa for two seasons because they don't sell out there or didn't at that time. The locals can't even watch us on TV because they don't sell out there. Or didn't at that time. The locals can't even

watch us on TV because we didn't sell enough tickets. When I left there and went to the main stage, I felt like this is the NFL here. You go to Dunkin' Donuts, they buy your food. You pay for nothing here. You get free donuts, man. Free dunks. Man, fuck the Super Bowl

and all this money and shit. Man, I get free donuts. This is crazy. He said i got free donuts this is crazy he said uh you get free donuts uh you pay for nothing here we love you talib i'm like y'all don't even know me i just got here yeah he said no one in new england will let you pay for anything basically which yeah absolutely so um they signed him for 2013 to a one-year $5 million contract. Nice. They go 12-4 that year. They beat the Colts in the division championship game

and then go to the conference championship game against the Broncos and lose 26-16. That was a glorious time for Jimmy Westman. But don't worry. Denver's going to go to the Super Bowl, and they're going to let the Seattle Seahawks show them who's boss it was yeah embarrassing that wasn't fun at all that was a bad one from snap one yeah that was ugly unbelievable that was an ugly fucking super bowl uh he had four interceptions that year in 13 games so damn damn fine. Makes the Pro Bowl for the first time in his career.

Not bad. 2014, March 12th, he is a free agent, and he is signed by the Denver Broncos to a six-year, $57 million contract. Yeah, that's a big one. In 2014, he is to make, what is it here, his signing bonus a million. This year, he's going to make $11,906,250 total in money.

Worth every penny. Not bad. Aqib said Bill, meaning Belichick, was willing to match the same deal, but they wanted to do something with the guaranteed money so it's not the same deal. So it was cool. It's a business, man. I'm not falling in love with nothing, you understand? At that point, I was playing good football.

My name was ringing bells around the league. It was a good opportunity to get paid. It's his eye. That's your main opportunity. You played your whole career for this. I didn't want to go to a sorry bad team and be sorry, win no games again. I was done with that. I wanted to go to a winning team.

A winning team called me, so it was an easy transition. Be sorry. Remember when that was a thing? Yeah, be sorry, motherfucker, yeah. He talks like he's our age, you know what I mean? He's so much younger than us. He talks like any black kid I knew when I was a kid, like if they had an uncle that's how their uncle

talked yeah yeah like an uncle in 1994 that's what he talks like yeah yo i'm sitting around being sorry and we'd be like are we being sorry like but that's how he talks i can hear i can hear one of my friend's uncle saying that to us sitting in the house calling us sorry and us looking at each other like are we sorry is that like i don't feel sorry i feel all right no we knew but we were just like we're not doing anything wrong why are we sorry yeah we think we're good but yeah he talks like an old like a 56 year old black man is what he talks he's an old soul for sure he's absolutely well his sisters are he has older siblings that's what it is ah you just nailed it yeah and they're cool to him so whatever slang his sister was using who's 16 years older that's what it is

that's what it is i think you're right man i think that's exactly he's in his 20s talking like a 45 year old person because that's who raised him yeah i didn't want to go to a sorry bad team and be sorry. Win no games again. So he said that he liked playing with Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. He said he was starstruck around them. How cool is that? Because they were like the face of the league. Yeah, they were the face of the league, and they were around. When he was in high school, these guys were stars.

Tom Brady won a Super Bowl while he was in high school, and Manning was the star of the league. He might be the only player that's done that, played for both of them. I think a couple guys probably. Denver had quite a few Patriots. Yeah, they had a few, but they liked that. He does say this, quote, Tom was a little more to himself. He's still going to come talk to you.

You could always go talk to him, but off the field-wise, I chilled with Peyton more times than I chilled with Tom. Okay, I would pay money to watch Aqib Tlaib and Peyton Manning do a social activity together. No, I want them in a car, like, going somewhere together. I want to watch them go out to lunch. I want to watch them go bowling, go fishing. I want to watch those two interact with each other because they're the most different fucking people I've ever heard of. He's like, hey, Peyton.

He's like, what's that, Aqib? And they're like reeling in their reel. And he's putting another worm on it. And he's like, you ever had to shoot at your sister's boyfriend because he scratched her head then broke her cell phone? And then you're shooting at him. Your gun jams while you're pistol whipping him, right? He tries to shoot you. But luckily, the gun doesn't go off because you broke it on the fence.

Then you got to whoop his ass. But the problem is you got to dodge more gunfire because your mom drove up on the lawn got out of the car bucking shots right and peyton's like huh what's that now i was on saturday night live and then he pulls in his fish and then akib goes that is a sorry ass fish that's a sorry ass fish he's like you're right it is and he throws it back i'll throw it back payton's like one time a chick said i touched her butt during a massage like 25 years ago that's the only thing i got it's comparable to that i got nothing so i think he also made her touch his dick oh really i think he guided her hand to his dick

i don't like that took off his towel or something it was it was i don't like guiding at all yeah it was a little more forward than just like i don't like her ass it was it was i don't that's not good allegedly allegedly yeah jesus did he buck any shots off at her no guns none well still that's bad no that's terrible i'm not saying it's better i'm just wondering if it was even worse. Did he also pistol whipper? No, I think the most frightening gun in the room was his own. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, probably. His own sidearm. Keeb goes on to say, Peyton did some nice things for the team. He rented out the whole casino for the team. All kinds of stuff. He was a true jokester. He's going to come down to the defensive locker room, tell jokes all the time.

It was amazing playing with Peyton Manning. How about that? Everybody says that. He's kind of real sociable and shit. He likes to fuck around. He's like, you know. Real dudes do. Yeah, kind of one of those guys.

So in Denver, 2014, 12-4, the Denver Broncos, and then they lose in the first round of the playoffs to the Colts, which is terrible. He's in the Pro Bowl again, starts all 15 that he plays. He has four interceptions, two of them returned for touchdowns. Not too fucking shabby there. 2015, though, the offseason, he and his brother are questioned at the scene of an aggravated assault at a Dallas nightclub. Aggravated.

Aggravated assault. Apparently there was some shit going on. They were questioned, not charged. His car was towed away and examined for forensic evidence as well. Oh, boy. I don't know if somebody got beat up near his car or whatever, but both him and his brother were held for questioning. They had to be gunned. Not arrested, but they were questioned.

I don't know what happened, but no one's ever charged out of this, so it goes away. 2015 Denver, 12-4 in the regular season again. They beat Pittsburgh 23-16 in the divisional round. Then the AFC Championship game versus the Patriots. This was a great game, actually. I remember this game. They beat the Patriots 20-18. Phenomenal game to go on to play Carolina in the Super Bowl here.

Boy, was that a beating. It was only 24-10, but the score doesn't tell the story. Nowhere near that score. The score doesn't tell the story at all. It may as well have been 80-0. Carolina had nothing happening. No, they couldn't tell the story at all. It may as well have been 80 to nothing. Carolina had nothing happening. No, they couldn't get shit going at all. During that season, he suspended one game

for violating the NFL's player safety rules. Yeah. Okay? When there was an eye poke that said that he placed his opponent at unnecessary risk of injury and should have been avoided. That's what the league said. So he's suspended.

I believe his whole hand went in the helmet and he gouged it with his thumb? Yeah, they're saying he tried to do that. I guess there was he intervened between a match, a shoving match between this guy, Allen, and Von Miller was the problem. He came in and did that. Replay showed that he came in from the side, sticking his index and middle fingers of his right hand through the face mask of Allen, who staggered backwards.

And, you know, Allen said, quote, they said, did he hit you in the eye? And Allen said, quote, in the eyeball. My eyes still sore. I was like, what just happened happened i went down to one knee another player thought we should we would have to take a time out and the clock would stop so i stood up and said oh let me walk off but i can't see it was near the end of the game so if you an injury time out they yeah they fuck you so he's yeah he said finally the trainer was like yo sit down sit down so i took a knee and we were able to rinse it out and my vision came back it was a little fuzzy after the game but it feels great this morning other than the soreness that was the next day akiv's got a different version

of what happened here his version's fucking hilarious so i am going to read it exactly like he said it and we're going to read it exactly like he said it, and we are going to do it in their own fucking words because this is an absolute in their own words gem here. In their own words on the eye poke, quote, that was some bullshit, though. I feel like the NFL owe me $350,000 over that. I'm on his head.

I pushed your head, bro. I pushed your head. You know that. If we see Dwayne Allen right now and I say, did I poke your eye? He'd say, no, you ain't poked my eye. Actor, bro. And for you doing that, they're going to fine me $350,000. So still, if I see Dwayne Allen to this day, I'm going to tell him you owe me some damn money.

Real shit. You ain't got poked in the eye. You did an acting job. Referee threw the flag for you and then you cool. Come on, man. It's not right. That's an in their own words right there, my friend. Third of a million dollars for poking a guy in the eye.

I didn't even do it. I shoved your head. I shoved your head. You fucking actor. You lying ass. Costing me $350, your head you fucking actor you lying ass costing me 350 thousand dollars you fucking actor so there was that that year and then also during the super bowl he had two personal fouls in the first half of the super bowl and he's fined 26 044 for that the nfl fined the broncos and talib so i bet they probably paid for it. I'm sure they did. If you win the Super Bowl, you pay the guys fine.

Eh, maybe we'll give them, yeah. If you lost, I could see not paying it. Or you just take it out of the Super Bowl bonus, you know what I mean? That's true, yeah, they get a good bonus. Because he was costing them fucking yardage like crazy. Yeah, we're going to give you a shitty ring. Yeah.

We're going to give you the good ring. We're going to give you the CZs. You're not getting it. So he'll think it's real, but it's not. We'll just give him. So at the podium after the game, they're talking to him about winning the Super Bowl and all. And he's standing there with his wife and everything like that. And in the middle of somebody, I don't remember what reporter it was, in the middle of the reporter asking him a question,

he just turns away from the reporter looks at his wife and says quote you're looking gorgeous baby we're gonna get it in tonight on national television which i think i can't tell me in the third quarter you're gonna get it in tonight you're gonna get it in tonight you're looking gorgeous baby i love this fucking guy so far so oh man he. He said after that, he said, quote, about the Super Bowl, we was on Peyton Manning's team and we won that shit. It was the number one defense in the league. This was the no-fly zone, Broncos, and won that shit.

You know what I'm saying? That whole run, that whole year, I was most proud of being part of that defense, the team, and winning a Super Bowl. The defense carried the team that year but you go watch the games peyton might not have been regular peyton for the first three quarters but in all those games the fourth quarter came peyton was peyton in the fourth quarter he did he turned he turned it on his neck was he was like frankenstein his neck was fused he was a disaster for fucking six games of the season i think think they even had that Osweiler, Brock Osweiler, played six games that season.

I don't know how the hell you would play quarterback with your neck fused right after it happened. That's crazy. I guess. He's an old man. He's an old man. So that year, though, he contributed, too. Started 15 games, had three picks, two return for touchdowns as well. Those are big plays.

A pick six changes an entire game. If that game's even close, if you're down a little, up a little, tied, that changes everything. Momentum completely flipped. The whole game's different. That year, he takes home $5,698,750 in actual cash that year. And he got it in? And he got it in. And he got a ring.

He got it all. He actually marries the woman who he got it in with there. Courtney's long gone. I don't know what happened to Courtney, but she's long gone. He ends up getting married to Gypsy Benitez is her name. Ooh, she sounds fun. She sounds like a good time. Gypsy Benitez is her name. She sounds fun. She sounds like a good time. Gypsy Benitez here, March 26, 2016.

So you figure he's going to settle down. He's got a Super Bowl ring. He hangs out with Peyton Manning off the field. They go to Cracker Barrel for breakfast in the morning or something. I don't know what the hell they would do. Get that apple. So you think he's good now. He's going to be real calm and cool instead in june of 2000 june of 2016 he's at a nightclub oh boy early late

saturday night early sunday morning however you want to call it it's past 3 a.m so we're going to call it early in the morning at that point oh god um he's shot in his leg what it went in his thigh and out his calf oh all the way down lucky as fuck yeah is what he is lucky as shit didn't break any bones i mean he could have been his whole career could have been over like he could be dead he could be dead it could have taken his artery a lot of things could happen but he's got he's such it didn't even tear a ligament, Jimmy. What? It just cruised through avoiding anything that, you know, would be inconvenient for

him and then left. And then walked to the hospital. Yeah, and then walked him to the hospital. Turned into a crutch and helped him to the hospital afterwards. At first, it's reported that he's one of multiple victims in a shooting at the V Live nightclub on Empire Central Drive. According to the police department website, they reported it at 245 a.m. that there was shooting victims and all this type of shit.

And they were working to see what happened. They couldn't figure it out. The Broncos tweeted this. They said, we're in communication with Aqib Tlaib, who remains at a Dallas hospital for observation as he recovers from a gunshot wound suffered to his lower right leg on Sunday. He's expected to be released from the hospital soon, and we're glad he's OK and we'll make a full recovery. Our organization's been in touch with the NFL on this matter and will provide additional updates as appropriate. Holy shit. Yeah. updates as appropriate holy shit yeah uh cornerback for the broncos k von webster posted my boy to leave is fine thanking the man upstairs and lots of other people tweeted as though to

akib's good um details were kind of murky about what happened this is a strip club in dallas by the way yeah it's a strip club so just married living the gonna live a different life except i'm gonna go to the strip club um so i guess two others were injured from gunshots that night around there he said the reason why there's not a lot of details about what happened is because he says quote this is what he told the police everything was a blur and i was too intoxicated to remember what happened i was blacked out too intense to remember being shot jimmy or punching a cab driver in the fucking head that's blackout that tells me akib started a fight and a guy had a gun and then akib regretted it oh shit um he also akib told

police that he was at a park with a large group of people when he was shot at 3 40 a.m meanwhile the cops say it happened in a strip club at 2 45 a.m wait a minute that's way different it went through his thigh and came out his calf yeah that is a downward shot or he could be running true or a man uh just lost a career over that shit and he's got a new story. Yeah, Flexico Burris. Exactly. Might be a step ahead of the story here, Jimmy. So now they were looking into the possibility that he was shot.

They don't know where he's shot now because he said it was at a club. Other people said it was at a club. And then he said it was at a park, though. So it's a different thing. Stories can't change, Aqib. People said it was at a club. And then he said it was at a park, though. So it's a different thing.

Stories can't change, Aqib. Yeah, they have videos and photos of him the morning he was shot. The footage shows images, shows him arriving at the medical center in a white Rolls Royce and then later lying in a hospital bed with his leg bandaged. The video shows bloodstained interior of the Rolls Royce. Oh, shit. And what police said is also they found some weed in the car too a couple grams of weed who gives a shit jesus um yeah who gives who cares the victim uh jesus christ another victim said that he told police that he was shot nearby and they were

investigating whether it happened at the they keep They keep investigating strip club or park, which are two very different places. I'm going to say strip club at 3 in the morning. Just a thought. Yeah. I think maybe he may have ran to the park. Maybe. Or he went to smoke weed in the park from the strip club. That's possible.

I guess two other people, Vernon White and Glenn Lumpkin, were also shot. Glenn Lumpkin's listed as the suspect. Really? Oh, no. I'm sorry. The suspect is unknown to all three men. Okay, got it. That's what it says here.

Never seen it before. TMZ ends up obtaining footage of the shooting at the club, not at a fucking park. Four shots can be heard, but it's unclear who fired them. It's also unclear whether they don't know whether the video's edited or what. It's also unclear whether they don't know whether the video is edited or what. Akeem's attorney, Frank Perez, says after he went, Jesus Christ, he said, Mr. Tlaib stated that he was disoriented and was on morphine and that the police wouldn't let him see his family and the thought of losing his football career that he was just shot. So he didn't. It wasn't that he was so intoxicated he couldn't remember, even though he said,

quote, everything was a blur, I was too intoxicated to remember what happened. It's actually not what happened. He was just, there was pain killing drugs and his family and his stress and that's what it actually is. So they're also talking about weed. He's got his weed and he's saying,

oh, it doesn't belong to me. And they're saying, well, it's in your car, so what the fuck's up with that? They don't really care. He doesn't know what to do. He's got to change his lifestyle a little bit at least. He goes home, and his wife's like, listen, we have to – nothing has worked with you. You wouldn't listen to the guy at the rookie symposium. You're not listening to to your older brother even though

you both almost got arrested together at a bar um that's different you're not listening to bill belichick you're not listening to peyton manning i don't think you're listening to your dad i doubt he'd like this shit he's an old muslim man i don't think he'd be into middle of the night strip club shootings probably either gunfire is usually not his thing no someone needs to help you someone needs to show you the light and someone does as there's a knock on the door and it's vinnie pazienza's ma and she is gonna teach akeem some lessons and she says How is it you've come to arrive here? What's wrong with you? Aqib! Aqib!

Oh my God! Your legs! You need your legs! Oh my God, Aqib! It's never mind football. You need them to walk, Aqib. To chase your beautiful daughter around in a park. In a park, speaking of that.

In a strip club is where you got shot. Not in a park, Aqib. Why are you in a strip club at three in the morning? Those girls are filthy. Three in the morning? The good ones work, like, till 11, then they get off the shift. You gotta know something, Akeem! Oh my god! Jesus, Akeem, you're killing me. Oh my

god. Have you eaten? You should eat something, Akeem. Are you hungry? He's skinny. He looks thin to me, I think. He's thin. He's right. He looks thin. His legs are very thin. He's in morphine. I don't know. Let's see. Come on, sit down, Vinny. Vin does, yeah. He's thin. He's right. He looks thin. His legs are very thin. He's in morphine. I don't know. Let's see. Come on, sit down, Vinny.

Vinny, where's your dog? Hello? Hey, where's Gypsy? Gypsy, get in here. We're eating dinner. We're eating dinner. This is what you're going to do from now on, Aqib. No more strip clubs.

Yeah. Every night. Tonight, I made a nice veal parmesan for everybody. We're going to sit. We're going to eat it. We're not having sesame chicken. I'm sorry. We're going to sit. We're going to eat it. We're not having sesame chicken. I'm sorry. We're going to go from there.

A little manigault in the fridge? There's manigault in the fridge. Aqib, have it for lunch tomorrow. Bring it with you. Bring it with you to the stadium. Okay. Bring it there. Don't give Peyton Manning no because he won't appreciate it.

And poof. Poof of marinara sauce and and arguments homemade fucking tag yeah she's gone so there you go he's very confused but he could use the help he's okay with it he likes he likes a mother figure he said it's not bad sometimes you just need a life lesson he goes my mom buck shots for me, so, you know, I like that. Yeah. So once the investigation is complete, all the facts are in. They spoke to so many witnesses, saw all these videos and all this. It is concluded that Aqib shot himself in the leg.

Of course he did. God damn it, Aqib. He shot himself in the fucking leg. Shit. Apparently, something broke out. Somebody started bucking shots, and he went to pull out, but was so shit-faced, he shot himself in the leg. Unbelievable. This is why you shouldn't have a fucking gun when you're shit-faced.

No. Ever. No. If you're not with it enough to even remember what happened you should definitely not have a gun on you that's crazy that is i understand being being a public figure too yeah i get it right but if if you're so worried about your well-being and public as a public figure fucking don't go out man you don't go out well enough to stay the fuck home or hire a security guy hire hire some guy to take you places and stand by you better do you have so much money hire them strippers to come to the house that's it well there it is if you told the

broncos okay he's playing for a super bowl championship team where he's a huge cog and if you told the broncos hey when i when I go out, shit goes crazy. I like to drink and shit pops off. Would you guys hire me a security guy to drive me there and walk me around and make sure I'm safe? They'd say, we'll hire you too. We'll get you too.

We'll take you in a fucking caravan like the president. We don't give a fuck. Absolutely. Don't get arrested or, for God's sake, get shot in the leg, you fucking moron. Unreal. Unreal. So theallas police said

they won't file any charges against him which is interesting not even for being so drunk he fired off a fucking weapon in public wow like how is that not a charge fucking plexico burst went to prison for that man yeah that's crazy it was in Yeah. Same same shit. He went to prison for that. He got suspended for a year from that. Akeem gets gots from this. Nothing. Nothing. Not charged with any crime. Any law. Nothing. It wasn't even he didn't even possess the gun illegally under Texas law. You can be drunk and have a gun in Texas. The giant difference here is New York and Texas. The giant difference here is New York and Texas. Yeah, that's a big deal. But, I mean, even in Arizona, you're not supposed to have a gun if you're drunk. And Arizona is built on drunk people shooting each other. It's pretty wild. And you're still not allowed.

That's one of the rules is if you stumble out of a bar with a fucking gun on your waist, you'll get arrested for that. Problem, yeah. Yeah, you should because you shouldn't be. You're going to go drive around and shoot people now. Right. So two ways to kill you, goddammit. I'll shoot're going to go drive around and shoot people now. Right. So two ways to kill you, God damn it. I'll shoot you or I'll bang a knee with my car. So he said when asked about it that, quote, I want to move on and concentrate on the season rather than him, you know.

I'm sure he does. Shooting myself. Yeah. He said he was carrying the gun in his pocket. This is later on. And it accidentally discharged sending a bullet into his right thigh down his leg and out of the back of his calf he said it was a crazy accident man a freak accident i still really don't know how it

happened honestly because my finger wasn't on the trigger i pulled my jeans up dropped my arms back down and got caught on something in there, right? Flipped like this. It was crazy. Okay. I had so many thoughts in my head. Is it over with? Is my Achilles torn? Am I going to be out for the season? How many games am I fitting to miss? Sean Taylor. All this stuff

was going through my head on the way to the hospital. Yeah, Sean Taylor got shot in the groin. Yeah. That's a wildly vivid description of something that he didn't remember. That he doesn't remember at all. I don't know. And the other thing is, what about the other three shots that were heard ringing out? Yeah, what happened then?

I pull my jeans up. It sounds like there was gunplay going on, and you were trying to protect yourself, which is fine. I get that. Gotta get your tool. You were trying to protect yourself, which is fine. I get that. But you don't want to say like I was about to draw in the strip club parking lot on somebody. That's probably a bad look for him at this point. So he said, the next thing I knew, I was morphined up. The next day I woke up.

Tell me how messed up I am. They were like, you didn't hit anything. It went straight down the back of your leg and the only thing I could think of was I prayed from the time I was shot till the time I fell asleep from the morphine morph morphine morphine I was just praying asking God apologizing there's so much stuff

yes yes Akib hold on a minute wait no no I'm not angry with you but you you were in a strip club parking lot at 3 a.m., man. This is what happens, bro. Like, you have got to take it on the chin once in a while, is all I'm saying. I did my part.

I did my part. Like, insanely terrible shot. He missed the guy that attacked his sister. And then he point blank didn't even hit anything. He shot himself. His fucking self. Point blank missed everything. Couldn't even take his femoral artery out.

What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He said, there's so much stuff you could hit that would put you down for life, for your career, or at least half a season. So much stuff. Major arteries, major vein, major nerve behind your knee. Hit your knee, tear it, break your fibula, break your tibia, tear your Achilles. I'm blessed. I definitely can.

I'm a blessed idiot. Jesus Christ. It's better, I guess it's better to be blessed than smart, I guess. You said it's better to be lucky than good. I think it's better to be blessed than smart, obviously, in this particular case. He's such an idiot. better to be blessed than smart obviously in this particular case he's such an idiot but he's seriously smart sir with more of a lucky lucky horseshoe up his ass than i do james like i i've been very lucky in a lot of things i've done but akib talib is the luckiest person on earth i'm

convinced of it this is fucking why it is it's fucking crazy he said i'm definitely continue to say my prayers every morning and every night it's definitely going to be a blessing to suit up for the first game his leg isn't mangled so 2016 another pro ball season 13 games played three picks one return for a touchdown this year he's not only a pro bowler but he's first teamteam All-Pro as well, which is the hard one to do. And he makes an actual cash $8,906,250. There you go. Which ain't bad at all. He was also, in 2017, added to the University of Kansas Ring of Honor along with his teammate Anthony Collins.

So Denver here, Jesusesus christ 2017 season he suspended for two games that year two games for fighting with michael crabtree yes i remember that that was a great fight that's fucking fun as shit they said it was a continuation of a dispute that started the last season when talib ripped a chain off of crabtree's neck during the season finale he did crabtree missed the first game between the two teams but then they were back again um so apparently um there was a big a big problem and uh crabtree was sent i guess a letter here from the league saying your actions triggered a melee and endangered various sideline and league personnel, including one of our game officials who was injured trying to maintain control of the situation. Finally, during the ensuing altercation, you grabbed and twisted that same opponent's face mask and threw a punch at him.

Such actions have no place in this game and gender ill will between teams and lead to further confrontation. What happened was was talib ripped his chain off again yes he did that's right he ripped it off again and then he also ripped crabtree's helmet off and threw it yeah didn't just rip it off ripped it off and threw it away also exchanged punches with him um and this is the league's letter to talib quote you deliberately ripped your opponent's chain from his neck just as you did last year when you played against him then when the two of you went to the ground after after a subsequent play you aggressively removed his helmet and threw it in his direction endangering him and various sideline personnel

in the near vicinity finally once you were momentarily separated from your opponent, you again engaged him and threw a punch. Sure did. Yeah. Evidently wearing a chain implies that you are so soft, I can wear jewelry while playing you. And that's what upsets him. Well, I know on the street you wear big jewelry to say,

I'm not afraid of motherfuckers robbing me that's what that says that says go ahead and try bitch i have you know i you can't take my shit i can control my right yeah i can i can maintain my possessions come try it exactly so yeah that's a big deal there i would just think that why the hell would you want to wear something that can easily be ripped by accident so that's so quick so easily that even they're like jawing and talib just reached up grabbed it and pulled it it was yeah he just did like andre the giant at the hulk hogan in 87 there just like a quick rip that took two half a second when andre and i'm pretty sure he even like threw

it on the ground he didn't even i think he dropped it didn't he hold it out and drop it he held it out and dropped it on the ground like there's your chain bitch like i think that was the general demeanor of it if i remember correctly it's pretty funny so um he says i hope this is talib i hope the league sees basically how it started and sees i didn't come out there to fight and wrestle with him okay that's at first you started yeah you come out there to fight and wrestle with him. Okay, that's at first. You started the fight. You definitely came out to fight with him. He then says later on, quote,

well, we in this thing for entertainment, right? They got what they wanted. Hey, I get patted on the back. It gets you a big dog tag. Took a chain, punked him a little bit. Took a chain, punked him a little bit. It's just football it's entertainment i'm done i'd done been in real scuffles and real situations that wasn't football and shoulder pads and helmets so that was like real minimal to me yeah yeah you yourself because

i say your confrontation is where there's bullets flying around and a dude tried to shoot you with your own gun at point blank range this is crazy so he ends up uh he's suspended for two games and he ends up it ends up being reduced to one game suspension here so he starts and plays in 15 games one pick but he returns it all the way for a touchdown a hundred and three yards jesus against who does it show i don't remember. That is impressive. That's pretty good shit there. Also makes $10,352,941. For a 100-yard TD return, that's money. Actual money.

Yeah. So, I mean, this guy here, I mean, he's doing well. Other than people kind of, everybody kind of being like, you know, he's kind of an idiot. But other than that. Yeah, he's reckless. He's reckless. But other than that, I mean yeah he's reckless but other than that i mean he's doing well for himself but the name still carries a bit of a stigma so i don't feel bad for him but i do feel bad for the people named after him stop that

like these people here the same spelling and everything jimmy exact ak key to leave a student at university of good rat in the, in the right Rahim, your con district in Punjab, Pakistan, university of good rat. So there's him. Then there is a key to leave a software engineer at future connections. L T D in Kolkata, West Bengal, India.

Is that Kolkata? As well. It's C-O-L-K-A-T-A. Maybe over there, that's how it's. Maybe that's what it is. It's like in Italia, Italy. Maybe it's one of those deals. And then finally, Akib Tlaib, who attended Poonch p-o-o-n-c-h university and lives

in pakistan unbelievable yeah i i don't know if we were going to find any akib talibs i was pleasantly surprised to pull those out of my ass that was pretty fun so 2018 the broncos are like this is a lot with this guy it's yearly it's just every summer what the hell is the key i'm gonna come back doing you know and he's so at this point he's being a distraction for a team that stunk the that's the other thing from that from the time they won the super bowl they really just oh they started eight and eight six and ten nine and seven shit They started 8-8, 6-10, 9-7, shit like that. So in March of 2018, the Denver trades Aqib to the Los Angeles Rams for a fifth round draft pick. Wow. A little lower.

Picks getting worse, yeah. Picks getting worse. In the offseason, he ran into Michael Crabtree at a Cartland go-kart track in Frisco, Texas. And did they do it like Jesus under? Like in their wheelchairs? And he ripped his chain off, took the lemonade from his daughter's hand and smashed the Crabtree in the head with it,

is what he did. No. They actually talked and had a conversation. Yeah. And they met. Because they're friends. Well, they're not on the field. So Tlaib said, we had a decent conversation. And then they had a conversation yeah and they met because they're friends well they're not on the field so talib said we had a decent conversation and then they had a joint practice with the chargers in

the summer and uh one of the chargers leaders approached him and said quote we're going to keep things clean here and talib's response to that was what do you think he said uh maybe y'all are. He said, I'm a dad. I'm just here to play ball. What the fuck are you talking about? You shot yourself in a strip club fucking parking lot two years ago. Less than that. What are you talking about? You've done a lot of bad shit since being a dad, Aki. Yeah.

This isn't new. You didn't just grow up. You've been a dad since your junior year in fucking kansas you're talking about sophomore year sorry oh man but he says that most of his time these days are spent with gypsy his wife and their sons jabari and jabril didn't name a junior and his stepson fabian and his daughter kiara uh christ who's got to be getting up there by now almost 30 by now yeah she's got to be about 40 50 years old she's older than him now yeah he said off the field i don't even go outside i just go out with the wifey and stuff like that you know what i'm saying it's got to be a big occasion for me to go outside a lot less

partying hanging out and a lot more football. Good. He's done now. He's good now. He says, between the film work and his body work, which he devotes 10 hours per week more to football than he used to, he says, I've always been a leader in the locker room, but it was more like with the off-the-field stuff. The coach is like, we can't have him as a captain because there's too much stuff going on but i always been but i always been a leader to get the tag and the stamp means a lot because they made him a defensive captain yeah uh he says that this is the best version of him that he's

ever been okay he is so good now he almost says i'm good now he says quote I'm a true pro on time and everything now. Now, your ninth year. I'm on time now. That's his. He said, good off the field. Good with my family at home. I'm in a good spot. Good rep around my job.

That was one of my goals in the NFL, not just to go to the NFL. I want to go. That's I want to go. Then when I see somebody at the mall they know who i am i think i'm at that point he wants to be like face famous yeah yeah yeah he's always like that he says though no matter what his faith has seen him through he says quote whatever you want is there for you as long as you work for it and pray for it being around my mom and dad and brother and my family who grew up with that faith you know uh you know what i'm saying so every time

something uh going left every time something going left going wrong all i could find myself doing was praying about it praying praying please god i know i messed up on it if there's one reason i'm successful it's because i really believe in god and really believe that he's running all this. Also, I'm lucky as shit. Also, yeah, I have bullets that are magic on me as well. He also likes Sean McVay a lot, the Rams coach. Does he really? Yes.

He said, I just remember when I first got there, that first team meeting, how he had everybody's attention. Everybody was really buying into what he was saying that was april if the head coach has everybody buying into what he's saying in april man that's a great sign yeah yeah he's a young energetic guy he says that he's ready to do whatever the defensive coordinator wade phillips wants him to do he said he'll even cover tight ends he doesn't give a shit he's covered jimmy graham before he said if phillips wants him to cover rob gronkowski he'll cover rob gronkowski he doesn't give a fuck of course he'll do that because phillips just won a fucking super bowl with him yeah in denver yeah he's like that's exactly what it is and if a coach comes and gets you again that means that he likes something

about you yeah look at you do you notice all those quotes about when he shoot himself or get arrested none of them were from wade phillips because you don't ask coordinators so they don't have to deal with that shit they're like i don't care get me a guy who's doing 20 at state prison i don't give a fuck it doesn't matter to me i need a guy michael crabtree that's it it's all i'm asking for you answer the questions i don't have to do that shit so uh talib said about gronkowski it's difficult he's big he's fast he's physical at the top of his roots all in all he has a hall of fame quarterback throwing him the ball so the ball is pretty much going to be where he needs it to be that could be a tough challenge so uh but he's ready to do anything and sean mcveigh feels the

same way about him he said akib is just refreshingly himself he doesn't have to uh he doesn't have to i think the best thing about akib is he's trying not trying to be somebody that is a charismatic presence where people are drawn to him he's just that way because of who he is i think what resonates with players is sometimes that's themselves that's secure enough in themselves to not try to be anybody other than themselves where they're comfortable enough in their own skin to just go about their business it just described comedy too so that's interesting he said he loves football he likes being in these atmospheres and i think that's why people around him i think that's why people like being around him and i'm sure glad he's with us christ he could have said that way easier that second that was a

lot yeah that was sean mcfinney does he have brain damage of some sort is he all right it was hard for me to read because the words don't normally it's like all out of syntax and shit it just doesn't go like that he speaks weird yeah he does so 2018 rams go 13 and 3 and uh yeah they beat dallas in the first round of the playoffs 30 to 22 they beat new Orleans, which was a load of horse shit. That was the worst. Yeah, a bad call. That's the worst call in the history of NFL refereeing in a game that mattered. The guy blasted him on purpose.

It wasn't even like, oh, you could see it was a penalty. The guy was doing it on purpose to get the penalty. It was literally like an NFL blitz play. Remember that game where you could just blast the receiver? Boom. And the guy was on purpose doing it. Just make sure he doesn't catch the ball. Fuck it.

Rather have him be on the one-yard line than have them be in the end zone. And they were like, no, that's fine. I'm sorry. That's crazy. But they go to the Super Bowl and play maybe the most boring Super Bowl in history. A 13 to 3 game against the Patriots. Oh, that was so fucking dull. So, yeah, there's that.

And they lose to the Patriots. And that's when Tom Brady leaves after that and all that shit. He does make $11 million this year. Holy shit. Not too fucking shabby. holy shit not too fucking shabby um 2019 the in october they place him on the ir for injuries and then later on in the year he's traded to miami oh no it's a key been a 2020 fifth round draft pick for a seventh round draft pick of the dolphins now they've got to give a draft pick with him to get an even worse draft.

To get a lower draft pick. Oh, because that's two years from then. They're basically dumping his salary is what they're doing. Miami's willing to pick it up. So that year, he only plays in five games, has no picks, and that's going to be the end of his career. He ends up being, I guess New England wanted him to come back for the next season, and he said he was done

with football he just said he didn't want to move on so which i mean he's 33 and he's a cornerback a speed guy you're not going to be a shutdown cornerback in your mid-30s it's impossible shot himself in the leg there's no way there's not some sort of lingering something from that has to be but he still made 4 million 235 294 dollars man. Made about $55 million in his career. Did pretty goddamn well for himself here. And overall, 148 games he played, 35 picks, and 10 return for touchdowns. So he was one shy of the record of second place. Second place was 11, and I think he's 10.

He's in third. One in three point, for every three point, I don't know, whatever. That's good, yeah. It's like a third of the time he grabs the ball, he takes it for a touchdown. That's 10. He's in third. One in three point for every three points. I don't know. Whatever. It's good. Yeah. It's like a third of the time he grabs the ball. He takes it for a touchdown. That's exciting. That's a guy you don't want to pick your ball off.

That's a guy you're afraid to throw to because you could end up completely fucked. So September 9th, 2020, he announces that he's retired and he gets hired by the NFL Network to call games because he's got personality. I mean, you can't deny that. So during this, this is pretty funny too, his first day on the job, he forgot his cell phone at his hotel. So he got there, got out of his car, and then said, shit, I'll be right back, and got back in his car and pulled out of the parking lot.

And they're like, where the fuck is he going? And they're trying to call him, and's not answering because his phone's in the hotel so he left it there but then he showed back up and he said he loved uh being a color guy he said uh again doesn't sound good with any other word color guy yeah you can't yeah two letters fuck the whole thing up he said like i got to perform it's showtime on sunday so he thinks it's like showtime to him he says that he wants to try to get up to getting a big contract like 17 million a year that tony romo's getting he said he's gonna work himself tony romo gets 17 million dollars a year yeah he said he's trying to work up to that that's who he wants to be he said quote i'm trying to get me a romo i fucking love it i love it people at fox describe him as raw but they said there's

just something about him that you it's fun to watch he's he is raw as an announcer i mean you hear him and he but it's it's a fun raw because the color guy or the play-by-play guy needs to be have buttoned up and perfect the color guy i need to do anything dead ass serious yeah yeah the color guy can say or do anything he's just got to like know some shit that the color that the play-by-play guy doesn't know about the game so he doesn't have to be a great broadcaster i just want him to be entertaining and know some stuff. So they said there's a certain earnestness about him that people get. The Fox Sports vice president,

senior vice president, said he's infectious and real and that's contagious. So yeah, they said that one guy, they called somebody to try to help him prepare. And so he went on this thing and they were going over shit they said stay away from jargon don't not too much don't be like well they're in a cover too because they're

in the blah blah blah if you're going to do that only use one term and be able to explain it quickly because other than that you're you're losing most of your audience at that point and it's going to take too long to explain that by then the play's over and they're already on to the next one that's the other thing he said also quote your job is to enhance the broadcast not intrude on the broadcast that's the that's the color guy is what the guy told him so he was like okay then he knew what he was doing now he could do it so uh he's he was doing very well and he loved it he said uh one somebody oh who is it oh jamelle hill tweeted quote loving akib talib the broadcast. I feel like he wants to curse so bad. Then said Aqib Tlaib sounds like my uncle calling a national television game. I love it. That's what he sounds like. He does. He says man all the time. Oh, man, that's a crazy hit, man. He'll say shit like that. Oh, man, that's a crazy hit, man.

He'll say shit like that. So he said that a lot of people said it sounded like people sitting on the couch watching the game. He got a lot of critique from that as well, though. There's people who are kind of pissed off at it, saying he needs to be more serious. Who fucking cares? It's the NFL. It's not anything serious. It's bullshit.

So he said, quote, hey, some people are going to like it. Some people are not going to like it i played the game so i know the only person i know how to be is akib talib so that's the person i'm going to be forever he talks about his broadcast partner and he says i'm different we're from different places we don't talk the same i'm i'm going up there to try to talk as professional as i can on tv because i know there's a lot of people listening at the end of the day i'm going to talk about what i know and i'm going to talk about what i see that's what i was told to do in the audition and the audition was good enough to get me on fox so that's what i did so he said the first time he watched himself on tape he was hated it like every comic who's ever heard themselves the first time when oh god i'm awful dear christ i sound like an asshole uh he said he said he didn't like that he said man too much

he said he notices that um he said he didn't get any of the defenses wrong or mix up players or anything so that was good he said quote i was on the money ain't nobody throw ain't throwing nobody under the bus or something uh-huh everything i said I said, they did. All right. So he was good. And the vice president of Fox there said he found Tlaib to be authentic and knowledgeable. And he liked it. He liked the whole thing. And he said, I don't know where the next opportunity to do a game will be. He's certainly somebody we would consider.

He'll do a great job. So they're going to keep bringing him back. Can't get enough. You can watch him on TV. You can listen to his podcast as well. He's got a podcast. I don't know the name of it, but he's got a podcast. Or you can buy an old jersey of any number of these teams he played on.

Tons of autographs that are probably fake out there. All sorts of shit. Or I hear if you go on a certain Saturday night to a certain strip club in Dallas and you just stand outside in the parking lot, the wind will whisper his name. I hear that's just a rumor that goes around. I'm not sure. You may hear from the wind the whimpers and cries of a grown man who shot himself. Of a grown man who feels blood dripping into his shoes. That's this grown man of his self-inflicted shoe blood.

So that, everybody, is Akeem Tlaib. He's a lot of fun, man. He's a party. He's a party. He really is. He didn't beat his wife up. He's just fun. He never really hurt anybody but himself and some guy who was beating up his sister.

And the cab driver. The cab driver thing was fucked up. That's the only thing he did that was really fucked up. Well, the boyfriend that he shot at and then fucked the guy up. He shot at him. He could have killed that guy. He could have killed that guy. But even there, at least his heart was in the right place.

At least he wasn't like, oh, that motherfucker talked shit to me in a club like that guy got arrested for hitting his sister that day and then came back like he was like oh i will fuck that i will kill that if you had seven eight hours to brew on the fact that somebody beat up your sister that you're real close to and then he came back you'd be like get in the goddamn car right now yeah i might have a loaded weapon nearby. I could see that even. So either way. That's Aqib Tlaib.

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goddamn comedy show and that's what it is, and we're going to have a blast with that. Patreon this week is so fucking good, and it's always good. I'll toot, toot, toot, goddammit. I'll toot our own horns for Patreon. Patreon.com slash crimeandsports is where you get all the bonus stuff, and you're going to get every other week two new episodes, one crime and sports, one small town murder, and you'll have access to all of it for $5 or above. And that's a cup of coffee, a cup of coffee or four funny episodes. This week what we're going to talk about for crime and sports, we're going to talk about the scandals of Michael Jordan. Oh.

Maybe the most media savvy athlete who's ever lived. I mean, I think there's no doubt about it i mean the guys yeah he's been bulletproof for over 35 years media wise he can do anything it doesn't matter there's a whole industry still built around him even though he's been retired for 20 years it doesn't matter it's it's great no one has been able to pull that off but he's also had a lot of scandal that a lot of people haven't even heard about. First of all, in the 90s, his gambling stuff, which led to huge conspiracy theories about his father's murder and why he retired from basketball for 1994 and played baseball. Did it have to do with him being afraid or the whole deal?

Not only that, we'll talk about his affairs. So many paternity suits. Like every year there was a new one and then all of this leading to one of the most insane elephant choking divorce settlements in the history of the world that you just got to hear about he's got gatorade money and she took a bunch of it so it's going to be interesting and then for small town murder one of our favorite things we haven't done it in over a year, and people have been asking for it so much, we've got to do it again. Small Town Reviews, where we do people's

really weird, petty opinions on They're so great. Oh, they're amazing. Not only small towns, but businesses in small towns, and all sorts of weird reviews we're going to talk about. Oh my god, do we have fun with those? So check all that out.

Patreon.com slash Crime and Sports. And that will also earn you a shout out at the end of the show here. Well, Jimmy, in just a second, will mispronounce your name, even though he would really like to get it correct. He really would. But he's trying his best.

That said, damn it, Jimmy, hit me with the names of the most wonderful fucking people on the face of the earth who would never, ever, ever shoot themselves in a Dallas strip club at 3 in the morning. Let's go. This week's executive producers are Corporal Carl Kirshner, Arthur Lane, Jordan Bennett, Matthew Willer. Is it Willer or Miller? Carl Anderson, Diana Price, Sean Taylor, and Jason Bremser. Thank you guys so much.

Truly, you're amazing. Other producers this week also are Donna Greeley, Mr. and Mrs. Rabbi Shmuelovich, Arnold Ziffel, and the Mrs. She's around this week. Marty Ziffel. Is that Simpsons? That is the pig from Green Acres. Oh, I thought that was John Lovitz on The Simpsons. Went out with Marge in high school.

Sorry, go ahead. It's possible. Peyton Meadows, Tyler Frazier Music. I imagine that is Tyler Frazier's music, unless his last name is also music. Frank the South African Bird Washer. Happy Hour checking in in Bloomfield, Connecticut. Patricia Sobral. Sobaro.

She owns the mall pizza chain in airports. She's doing very well. And she's in Portugal. Very well for herself. That's how well she's doing. She's retired to Portugal. Not bad. Happy birthday to Mitchell. He doesn't have a last name, but it's from Johanna Lair.

Mara Fechner, I imagine. Janice Hill. Aaron Olin and his J-Kid jerseys, James. He has a shitload of them, evidently. Wow. Alyssa Munn, also. Clay Thorson's dad is having a fucking crazy surgery where he has to- Oh, no.

I think it's a cochlear or something, but they're going in his brain. Oh, cool. They've got to drill his brain and- Fucking awesome. No, it's worse because there's stem cells involved. It's an amazing surgery. I don't know what it is. I'm going to have to ask Clay more about it.

He's going to be fucking bionic after that. He's going to be able to see through walls and shit. That's going to be awesome. He's super jacked about it. Yeah. Kay Bartlett, James Warren, Susan Rydissel, Shailene, Sebb Murenstedt, Orla mick mickavoy uh megan roundtree gia gia aslandis what the shit ashley olsen colby harvey lisa pace annalise prasser mix miss coach i think uh ms i don't know christine anson ethan with no last name ashlyn connerth philip leftwich tariff wallop

tariff terry pitcher uh king ellen jillian price, Molly Meyer, Amber with no last name, Amy Morrison, Lovely Linda, Melissa with no last name, Ellie O'Leary, Kayla with no last name, Tony Eakins, Kelly Phelps, Tony, Tony, and also Tony. Angie Langstrom, Aaron Crabtree, Michael's brother, Kelly Phelps, I said that, Jamie with no last name, Rebecca Rampley. Anthony Brinkley. Dorian Darien. Darien Brigham. Brigham. Brigham. Katie Reberg. Non-league nomads. I don't know who they are.

Nathan Winton. Anya Walsh. Cade Hodges. Jessica Sullivan. Adam with no last name. Ruth Sandberg. Julia Feynman. Nope, that's just fine.

Why'd I add a man on the end of that? What a disgusting thing to say out loud. Isaac Frazier, Annie Forchetti. Hey, I think I got that. Amanda Forchetti also, and Annie. Amanda Jay with no last name. Emily Allison, Jasmine Brill, Double Panhandle, Caveman Luke, Kylie Nelson, Crystal Lovedall Shirley Weiland Lauren Brennan Travis Webb Sarah Hawthorne Julia Fine Jeff Miller Cicely Brianna

Cameron Timothy Big 12 That's what that is Jimmy's brain broke there I don't know what that is jimmy's brain broke i'm like what is their numbers that's not right big 12 richards victor gonzalez tamara ayers uh edward with no last name katie carter katherine mciver christina zucker emily with no last name kelsey rollins jenna weish weishenreiter weishen weinsreiter oh boy c boy. Caitlin Edinger. Kendall Connell.

Connell? Connell? Connell. How would you say that? Connell, I think. Cynthia Carroll. Alexis Loving. James Shearer.

Gretchen Beatty. Patrick Leon. Jeff Thomas. Chris Odom. Joe and Nicole George. Greg Haney. Jamie Agosto. Adrian.

Nope, that's a Darius cling. Kylie Beasley. Molly Beal. Chris, what? Chris Stroop. Andrea Nguyen. Nygu cling. Kylie Beasley. Molly Beal. Chris Stroop. Andrea Nguyen. I don't know. Flo Hiltz. Probably.

Zachary Berry. Don Vleck. Danielle with no last name. Christian Anderson. Scott R. Javon Giles. Serena James. Andrew Stevenson. Anne Becker.

Tracy Vigas. Kayla Jadayi, Krista Suiters, Colleen, Michael Monroe, Madeline Torres, Tyler with no last name, Michael Cutler, Giselle with no last name, Keith Connors, Alan Natalie, Natali, Sweetie, Sweet't know. Tyler Steerwalt. Rendy Durham. Donna Smalley. Wesley Buckley. Yvonne Buxton. Deborah Wilkins. Jay Barnes. Carol Shepard. Aaron McClain.

Colin with no last name. Andrew Flannery. Cameron with no last name. Allie Powell. Toka Nelson. Toka maybe? Toka probably. Matthew Underhill.

TJ Terrant. Terrant. Haley with no last name. Trent Gwynn. Lucy Cunniff. Ashley Barks. Barks. Michaela Marroquin, Christina Rice, Casey Little, Alex Lampkin, Jeff and Natalie Stinson, Taylor Nicole Anderson, Raspberry raspberry wasabi tyson watt david mattson ashley her heresco julie colt daniel parker josh with no last name jennifer heinlein uh boy oh boy uh helen helen hammond samantha burton ganesha ganesha wolf oak uh cecily nope that's cecil de burst de bears de beers the bear madeline hamilton veal patrick fitzille, Fitz Ryan for Ryan Fitzpatrick, Ben O'Rean, Arch Demon 007, Tracy Hayden, Aaron Hummel, Dusty Tatum, Ava Adele, Greer with no last name.

Sounds sexual, Dusty Tatum. It does, it really does. With your Dusty Tatum out. With your Dusty Tatum. That sounds like a sex move. I gave her the Dusty Tatum and it was fucking... She liked it, though. No, she was into it.

It was weird. Very accommodating lady. Most chicks don't like the Dusty Tatum. She was into it. Miriam McAdams, Claire Deakman, Philip Short, Jeff Page, Padgett, Leah Roos, Monique McCandish, Chris Matherly, Kieran S., Jessica Lynn, Dylan Stepp, Concrete Mama, Jay Ricard, Keston Altman, Zoe Lewis, Grace Darling, Marie Miville, Michelle Duncombe, Nathan Argaard, duncombe uh nathan r guard et peyton larson justin tomlin christina at arbor grass arbor gas uh ryan bensley mary mary stratton gary with no last name aaron with no last name cat randall jamie

barbara tobias munter melanie bandy drew saint germain taylor mob mobri uh the grinch preciado The Grinch Precciato. Appreciate you. Okay. Josh Gambler. James Evans. Carolyn Heintzman. Todd Galoo. Galanoo. Carolina Johns. Caitlin. Caitlin. Caitlin Kessler.

Kieser. Kelsey Neal. Fraser Frasiska. Frasiska Schlott. Olivia Berry. Josh Jessup. Tabby with no last name. Chris Dewing.

Christine. Christine Graham. Ashley McCormick root patel and cyrus and all of our patrons you guys are amazing thank you so much thank you everybody thank you thank you for all of it oh shit you guys are the best we appreciate all that you do for us and uh hope you're enjoying patreon we love it so much when we see like people post on social media like i finally signed up for this small town murder crime and sports patreon and i'm so happy i did and you'll

just see all the comments are holy shit guy i canceled netflix before i would cancel my patreon and i'll fucking live in the street before i'll get i'm like jesus christ these people are like i'll sacrifice but i'm not sacrificing that so So thank you for liking the shit so much, and we'll just keep pumping it out, and I hope you enjoy it. So if you're looking for us on social media, very easy to find us. You can either go to shutupandgivememurder.com, where not only is the links to our merchandise and our fucking schedule and all the information you could want, but there's also links to our social media. So you can find us. Or just Google our Crime and Sports podcast hosts, and we're to our social media so you can find us. Or just Google Crime and Sports Podcast Hosts and we're the ones.

There's only two of us. Thank you for joining us. We will be back next week with more crazy, of course. And live from the Crime and Sports studios, we'll be see you next week. Yeah. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music.

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