Crime in Sports - #370 - Diamond Dick & The Whackstick - "Turkey" Mike Donlin

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

This week, we go back in time to look into a man who was born in 1878! He played for the St Louis Cardinals, before they were called that. Famous for his strut, cockiness, and crazy things he did while drinking. Things like punching showgirls, and pulling guns on train conductors. He transitioned from baseball, into a film career that had him in some pretty wild circumstances. A wild guy, living an old timey wild life!!Hate your nickname, have your team refuse to play in the 2nd World Series ever, and punch anybody who doesn't like you, punching their girlfriend with "Turkey" Mike Donlin!!Check us out, every Tuesday!We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!! Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman Donate at... patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: [e-mail] Get all the CIS & STM merch at crimeinsports.threadless.com Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things CIS & STM!!  Contact us on... twitter.com/crimeinsports [e-mail] facebook.com/Crimeinsports instagram.com/smalltownmurderSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Music Music Music Music Hello everybody and welcome back to Crime and Sports Yay! Oh yay indeed Oh, yay indeed, Jimmy. Yay indeed.

My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us today on another insane edition of Crime and Sports as usual. We're going old-timey today, which is so much fun when we get into the old-timey stuff because everything is funny. Everyone's name is funny. It's how everyone's described as funny. We will get to that, though. Before we do, just want to say definitely want to head over to shutupandgivememurder.com.

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Patreon.com slash crime and sports. And you'll get a shout out at the end of the show, of course. So Jimmy will mispronounce your name while he'd love to get it correct. It's my dream. That said, let's talk about someone who's been dead for almost 100 years. All right. Let's do it. Let's talk about our asshole of the dead for almost 100 years. All right. Let's do it.

Let's talk about our asshole of the week. He is a character, though. So that's the thing about the old timey guys. Sometimes they're insane characters back then. You could get away with crazy shit back then. Yeah, it didn't get nothing was covered like it is now. No, people would brush it under the rug or it was considered like, oh, he's a real lout, that one. Ha ha.

Like it was kind of a joke. I don't know. Let's talk about Michael Joseph Donlan. Mike Donlan, this is what he goes by, otherwise known as Turkey Mike. Turkey Mike. Turkey Mike. He's known as Turkey Mike because he's got a strut to him. Everybody says he's got a real strut to the way he walks. So's turkey mike because he i guess he walks like a turkey here no all right he's born may 30th

1878 yeah i think ulysses grant was president i'm not even kidding i'm pretty sure ulysses grant was president when he was born that's so long ago abe lincoln was alive 15 years earlier was president and at that time so think about that he's born in peoria illinois and uh yeah let's find out a little bit about him he's played for a bunch of teams that weren't even called what they are called now as he played back then he's got parents that's good someone someone begat him i guess sure uh john and maggie are his parents john and maggie donlan uh they're from ireland his parents he's very irish or he's from ireland his mom's from pennsylvania you know dad's from fucking mars off the boat yeah mars and venus there so. So they go all around.

He's a railroad conductor, so they move all around the country a lot. Yeah, John is. So they move all around the country a lot. And in 1878, they were living at 818 South Adams Street here with their five children. That year is when Michael was born. So he's born in Peoria. And in 1878, he's the sixth child here. Yeah.

Wow. Isn't that the address in Vanilla Ice's song? Beechfront Avenue, though? 818 South Adams Avenue, Peoria, Illinois. Possibly. I don't know many Vanilla Ice lyrics. Luckily, thankfully for me later on, I didn't like that shit so it was like i i didn't have much to be embarrassed about later which is good for i'm happy beachfront avenue i think

it's a fascinating song about a day that vanilla ice got shot so uh 1882 they leave for their next relocation in Erie, Pennsylvania. Yeah. Grace. Oh, terrific. It's Grace because there's a major issue here. Uh-oh. Both his father and his mother were killed in a train accident when he was seven years old.

Oh, my God. Yeah, this is from the Darlington Democrat, July 9th, 1885. He wasn't much of a conductor, huh? Apparently not. I don't know if he was riding on it or conducting it, but we'll find out. It's called Dash to Death is the headline here. And the awful results of a collision. A frightful accident occurred on the Nickel Plate Railroad today, whereby three lives were lost. occurred on the Nickel Plate Railroad today,

whereby three lives were lost. Mrs. John Donlon, with her babe and little boy and nurse girl, Sadie Mahoney, was riding in the caboose. The train stopped on a trestle over a ravine at Springfield, where it was run into by another freight. It got T-boned, I guess. Yeah. Mrs. Donlon grabbed her babe and boy and ran out on the platform, followed by the nurse, when all were hurled into the abyss a hundred feet in depth.

So they stopped on a bridge? Were they hit again? I don't know. I guess so. They must have been because they were hurled after that. Wow. This is fucking nuts. I mean, it's a 130-year-old newspaper report, so it's hard to tell.

But yeah, that's how they go. Mrs. Donlan and the nurse were mangled to death. Jesus. But the baby was caught in the bows of a tree and may possibly recover. Rockabye baby is real? That shit is real. Caught in the bow of a fucking tree. Unbelievable.

While her mother was flung to her death. A hundred feet. Was, quote, mangled to death. Cause of death, mangling. Mangled. Holy shit. All the babies in a tree. That is crazy.

Mrs. Donlan held on to her child until it was torn from her grasp by the wires below. She was terribly mangled by the wires below. She was terribly mangled by the wires about the breast. Holy shit. Brakeman Thomas Fahey was seriously injured in the collision. Her fall was broken 40 feet down by some telegraph wires, which cut into her flesh and stripped it from her ribs. Just took her body apart. It opened her that is crazy uh with her daughter clutched in her arms finally the wires gave way and she fell to the bottom a bloody pile the child's dress was caught by overhanging

branches and the child was rescued with only a broken arm wow somehow because she held on to her a broken arm wow somehow because she held on or maggie donwin died that night uh and the six children were put into foster care jesus just done um and then they said no nobody really knows what happened to his siblings after that everybody kind of went their own separate ways and he is forced this back then this is when nine-year-olds worked at the factory yeah when you look at old pictures of like lunch break at the factory with all it's a group of nine-year-olds with sooty faces out of with their lunch boxes acting like they're 40 year old men with five kids to support it's fucking crazy a whole bunch of snack packs and juice boxes yeah what happened to his dad though his dad was his dad was killed in a separate train accident not this train good lord back then trains were

dangerous and yeah your dad's on the train all the time, it happens. So this is back in the day, though, when this is pre-child labor laws. You could work a child all day in a mine, and that was fine. They're better for the mines because they're small. They can get into places. It's nuts. So he works as a machinist while he's a child in his youth here. Was a sickly machinist, while he's a child, you know, in his youth here, was a sickly machinist.

And then was sickly because of that because he worked around chemicals and in bad working conditions as a child. He had tuberculosis as well, causing his chest to become concaved, it's said. So later on, maybe that's why he walked like that. He was trying to stick his chest out. You know what I mean? Maybe that's why he's turkey-ish. By one account, it says by 15, he had apparently relocated to Peoria again. So he gets a job hawking candy. He's selling candy on a train route between the Midwest and the West Coast. He's on a train going back and forth in the car selling candy that's what he does uh one trip he just stayed in california he never didn't get back on the train so why am i why am i going to peoria illinois yeah like california in the in fuck in the in like 1900 it was wide elbow room it was wide open you could much elbow room. It was wide open. You could just do anything. It was amazing. They didn't even sell oranges yet there.

They didn't even do that yet. Like, that's crazy. So he settled there when he's, you know, 15. I guess he was somehow there was a resort town in Santa Cruz. And Santa Cruz was a resort town at the time where they used to have foot races for money really which they there wasn't a lot of sports back then that's the thing yeah and not on tv was it like in the sand so that there was like a handicap just running just maybe just on the street see how fast people are faster so apparently he was really good at this and oh was beating everybody

and making some that's how he would make some money on the side would be these races for people. So he started playing baseball. He's only 5'9", 170 pounds which back then is a pretty decent sized guy. He's left handed. He's pretty powerfully built and

he just liked to hit. He didn't give a shit about fielding. Everybody said he was a shitty fielder. But he gets into the minor leagues in california and he asked a san francisco examiner the newspaper one of their employees to run a photograph a photograph of him in the paper run a picture of me in the paper would you you know it'd be good for me he said i I know I'll get a break. I know I'm going to be great. So he apparently, that ended up helping him a little bit here. He's also a good pitcher at the time as well. So he gets a job here with the Santa Cruz Sand Crabs baseball team.

Not a bad name. Not bad at all. Late 1890s. Then he's purchased by the St. Louis Perfectos, who are the future St. Louis Cardinals. Is that right? That's a major league team at the time. They bought him for, as he put it, a little more than train fare. What is that, 50 bucks?

Nothing. Yeah, they bought him for nothing, basically. He said he learned of the transaction while he was locked up in a Santa Cruz jail for public drunkenness, which, by the way, happened all the time. In California, how drunk do you got to be to get noticed? In 1900. Yeah, in a resort town, there had to be people stumbling. This shit happened all the time. He's always getting jailed for pump.

Yeah, not like we have the records from that anyway. But if we did, it would just be like a hundred times he's in jail for public drunkenness. Is he ever sober? So not when he not by choice, really. Sometimes he kind of has to be and he's not happy about it. Sometimes you wake up that way. And it's really annoying. You got to really your head's pounding.

You got to fix that. So he's the way they put it it he sobered up and got on a train so that's what he did got on a train made his debut in st louis on july 19th 1899 as a relief pitcher here so he uh he arrived here and what he did was he got into the park because there was no way of knowing who he was so he pointed to the gate he told the gatekeeper here's a newspaper photograph of me look i have it he had pinned that article he had it pinned to his lapel and he was like look see me baseball player says my name that's me there's my id here's my id yep so uh he's known as turkey for his strut and also because he had a red neck

his neck was red all the time okay because he's's an Irish guy and they play all day games. So he's sunburned to fuck. He's just sunburned to fuck. That's all there is to it. He hated the nickname, by the way. Really? Hated it. Doesn't want to be called a turkey.

He didn't earn it bowling. He's just got turkey traits. Fuck. But the kids, he got so popular that kids used to walk like him on purpose. Like, look, I'm doing the Turkey Mike deal. So on the field, he's known as kind of a gregarious guy. He kind of dicks around, chats with fans in between innings and fucks around. There was a little more clowning to the game back then.

The game was a little more clowny. And at the same time, it was perfectly normal for someone to spike you with sharpened spikes and open up a fucking gash on your leg sliding in a second that was normal too it was very weird game um off the field super big fucking partier womanizer yeah loves all that loves to get into it loves to nightlife married though huh no not now no no uh known as known as a real like sharp dresser and he likes to go out on the town dressed up and get them ladies that's it so 1899 the perfectos by the way are 84 67 and 4 those four games called by darkness sure back then um a couple good there's a couple funny names on his

team because these are old-timey guys um there's a guy named uh cupid on the team cupid childs is on the team first name first name is cupid oc schreggen schreg can cost is one of the guy on the team like that's oc is o s s e e. That's an odd name. Ozzy, maybe? Ozzy? A couple guys. Two guys named Fritz. Cy Young is on his team, by the way. Is that right? That's how old he is.

Cy Young is on his fucking team. Who's going to win the Cy Young Award this year? I assume him, probably. Cy? Cy? Maybe that guy. And also a guy named Cowboy Jones is on his team. First name.

By first name, Cow name cowboy so uh yeah that's how that goes in his first game he pitched in relief afterward he heard the uh the manager slash first baseman at the time needed a shortstop so he said i can play shortstop and in his first game he did he did pretty well he said quote i was swelled on myself at shortstop that first day proud of himself i think that means he thought he did well i aroused myself he did great his cock was rock hard yeah held in place only by his cup okay he said the next day though there was a big crowd and he made mishandled every time the ball he made error on every ball that came to him threw a bunch of throws into the fucking crowd he got moved to first base after a couple innings that's how bad

and then he couldn't do that either so they had to take him out of the game real limp on himself today they're real real limp today not great um he does hit 323 that year though with six home runs and 27 rbi and these are not like home runs like now these are like inside the parkers back then these huge parks nobody really was hitting for power barely over the fence yeah this was not you know jack and shit that was six is a lot of home runs yeah guys used to lead the league with nine back then is that right absolutely yeah when babe ruth came in and hit 60 or when he hit like 50 whatever the fuck his first year of just full-time hitting i think the next closest guy hit like fucking 12 or some shit it was like ridiculous when people

compare oh he's like babe ruth you get don't do that if he was like babe ruth he'd hit 300 home runs next year which he's not gonna do right so yeah yeah it's different so um that year though that's what he does he also pitches he's oh and 0-1 with a 7.63 ERA, which is not good. The Cardinals change their name to the Cardinals the next year from the Perfectos, a wise choice. They suck, though. They're 65 and 75. Same kind of people on the team. Nobody with any good names here.

So I guess in 1900, he and a teammate, I guess apparently, I don't know what they were doing. They got in an argument. They went into some bar, he and a teammate, and just started yelling at some guy with a long red beard. They didn't like him, and they got in a fight with him. So there's a big melee, a big a big bar fight huge old-timey bar fight here yeah you come here buddy pal a knife is he gets his throat cut twice in this fight a knife is produced by the bearded somebody somebody in the fight and he gets his throat cut twice once from ear across his entire cheek uh-huh and he gets that scar forever uh which is crazy so

it's fucking nuts so twice in the throat and then once up his cheek he gets stabbed so he's got scars forever after that he looks unreal yeah um he said quote when a fella makes a fool of himself the best thing he can do is to keep his mouth shut. Good call. That's what he said. In other words, he's saying he made a fool of himself. He's not going to talk about it. I shouldn't have said anything. Yeah, and then from the Los Angeles Times, June 25, 1900,

Mike's costly Josh, it says, in quotes, meaning his joke here. It says, Donlon has face slashed. Wow, okay. Mike Donlon, the present center fielder of the st louis baseball team had a badly cut face to show for some uncalled for boisterousness on his part in joshing an elderly gentleman with whiskers name unknown name unknown and a cardinal topped youth also unknown apparently redhead Donlon and pitcher while weighing were enjoying themselves in a saloon early this morning when the Californian began joshing the old man and the youth. Suddenly, the latter, the kid, drew a knife and whipped it across Donlon's face.

Donlon fell to the sidewalk and took the count before the pitcher could revive him. He was led to the city hospital where his face was dressed. Weighing, the pitcher reported for duty today, but Donlon was reported confined to his boarding house. The cut will leave Mike scarred for life and probably keep him out of the game for the next few days. Wow. Not great. His teammate, O.C. Schreckengast, often fought with Donlon, telling him once, quote, You're what I'd call a man with a $10,000 arm and a 10-cent head.

That's hilarious because they're still, 100 years later, they still use that. Remember Bull Durham? He said he got a million-dollar arm and a 10-cent head. That's what he told fucking Tim Robbins, literally. That's amazing. Back then, it was just 10,000. That was a million. It was a million dollars.

That's a $10,000 arm and a 10 cent head that year. He's a bat. What does he have here? 297 plate appearances. He hits three 26. Oh, 10 homers, 48 ribbies,

14 steals, six triples. He's good. Yeah, not bad. He's a good hitter, man. He really is.

He ends up on the Orioles before the 1901 season, the Baltimore Orioles who were 68 and 65 that year. Not that great here. Looking at there, they get, oh, John McGraw was on that team. Jesus Christ, he was the manager slash third baseman. Tim McGraw's great grandpappy, John. Also a guy named Chappie Snodgrass. Oh! Chappie Snodgrass is an outfielder with Tenet bats that year, and he hit 100. Chappie. Tax Latimer, who is actually a guy I think we'll have an episode. I think he was a criminal, if I'm not mistaken.

CK or Axe? CK. Wow. And a guy named Crazy Schmidt. Hell yeah. What did you have to do back then to be called Crazy Schmidt? Yeah. You had to be an insane person.

That's awesome. And Schmidt being so close to sounding like shit. Crazy shit. That's fantastic. Now, John McGraw liked Donovan because Donovan was a nut. He liked him. One game, a teammate was ejected for arguing a call, so Donlin threw a ball and hit the umpire in the back.

Is that right? To show his protest for throwing his friend out. You cocksucker. Bang. Right in the back. I think that's fucking hilarious. So that year, he hit a lot of at-bats that year. 539 plate appearances.

He hit 340. 345 homers, 67 RBI, 23 doubles, 13 triples. That's 33 steals. Jesus Christ, that's pretty good. Not bad. That's goddamn good. Made, and this is from the paper, made $2,500 for that season. $2,500, wow.

That's what he made. It's got to be big money today, right? That's decent money today, yeah. Not like millions, but it's probably $100,000 a year or something like that. So March 1902, he goes out in Baltimore and just goes on basically a 1902 version of a pub crawl, which would just be going from place to place and getting so drunk you can't walk. Blinded drunk. In Baltimore.

In Baltimore. He gets so shit-faced that he gets caught urinating in public, accosting two chorus girls, getting in a fight with a guy for talking to his girlfriend, for him talking to a guy's girlfriend. Then he punched the guy when the guy got mad that he talked to his girlfriend then he roughed up the girlfriend too on top of it he had quite the night here let's find out you're not telling me you had a boyfriend you son of a bitch pat backhanded her the pittsburgh press march 19th 1902 here god this is great don great. Donlon, the professional baseball performer, they call him. Performer. Performer, whose entrance in the big league when it was the big league, wow, taking a shot at something, was made via St. Louis,

is due to be drummed out of the business for attacking a young woman in Baltimore last week. He's not drummed out of shit. The hair was silver even back then. This is not a new phenomenon. You know what i mean this this whole deal um not a while let's see uh injuring uh injuring her and her husband donlon came here from california and there's no end to the stories of his escapades frank dehas robinson vouches for one which indicates that mike never learned the meaning of the word gratitude donlon failed to

make good here as a pitcher, but managed to do fairly well in the outfield. His hard hitting and fast work on the bases make him a desirable man to be in the game regularly. Jesus Christ, that's wordy. He was signed at an increased salary in 1900. Shortly after the race that year had been started, Donlon went to Frank Robeson and told him

that his brother had gotten into serious trouble in Chicago and that he'd been tried and found guilty, but that he knew he was innocent. The youth had been sentenced to prison and Mike declared that his innocence could be proven if a little time could be had. Mr. Robeson, who had always been the best friend of the ball players ever had and who now has a wrecked ball club took the case in his own hands he employed his own lawyer to have the case reopened and have mike's brother saved from wearing the stripes it was a long fight but mr robison being well acquainted with the late john r tarner then governor of illinois succeeded in getting the pardon he got his fucking the owner of the ball

club that knows the governor to give his brother a pardon yeah that's wild um all the many trips to chicago and springfield and the attorney's fees were paid by mr robeson he didn't charge donlon a single penny for the great expense he had incurred in fighting for his brother's freedom mike cried thanking mr robeson for his friendly turn he then said as long as Mr. Robeson remained in baseball, he would never think of doing business with any other magnate, no matter how much more money he might be able to secure elsewhere, and that he was the St. Louis club's property just as long as Mr. Robeson wanted him. But the following spring, after borrowing $100 and

accepting railway transportation from San Francisco to Hot Springs, where he said he wanted to go for a boiling out, quote unquote. From San Francisco to fucking Arkansas? Arkansas to just sit in some water. Wow. Donlon did business with John McGraw at the same time with the Baltimorean Grab Jimmy Williams and passed up the mound city for Oysterville. Jesus.

He didn't write Mr. Robeson of his desertion, and the magnate refused to believe the press dispatches concerning his desertion. It's all a mistake, he said at the time. I know, Mike, and I know he'll be reporting here today. But he wasn't, and the resident fans know he never returned. Mr. Robeson had borrowed money for the price of a ticket. Never returned Mr. Robeson the borrowed money, so he never even paid him back for the ticket. By the way, they still put fans in quotes because that's a new term.

Fanatic fan is like call them, quote, fans. That's a new thing. The American League stood for Donovan for a whole year, and its press agents shut their eyes to the violations of their of the policy in which they claimed the Johnson organization. McGraw was the man who signed Donovan. He was fined two hundred fifty dollars for this escapade this night of punching people and slapping women and accosting showgirls. And and you, sir, may fuck off six months in prison. Oh prison oh wow but he's released a month early for good behavior he assaulted four people in one night the man did five months for that five months for that yep um and so mcgraw the manager was forced to release him and that's how that went here um i guess on august 2nd there was a story in the paper that the St. Louis Browns contributed $250 to support his sister and mother while he was in jail.

$50? Because they'd like to sign him. Yeah. But then again, he's released, and then he's signed by the Cincinnati Reds. Oh, so they didn't get him anyway. They didn't get him anyway. They're 70 and 70 that year, the Reds are. Anybody funny on there?

George Magoon is a funny name for some reason that's a pretty funny name yeah uh what else we got rube vickers that's not that great crease heinemann that sounds like that sounds like a gynecological procedure i'm getting a crease heinemann today i don't know there it is you call it a crease, right? I found the two. Noodles Han is one guy. Noodles Han. Noodles. H-A-H-N.

And then Buck Hooker. That's the guy. The Adventures of Buck Hooker. That sounds like a porn series from the 80s. The Adventures of Buck Hooker. And he just fucking plows his way through the Midwest. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing.

The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that.

New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. Okay, so, um... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her?

Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that?

I have crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, Freebie. to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from Smartless Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your

tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'll learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, How the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

Delivering pizza and fucking housewives. Isn't Buck, isn't that like a description of naked? Oh, that's the buff. Buck. Buck naked. Buck naked. Yeah. I don't know.

Buck naked. A naked hooker. Naked hooker. This year, he only has 154 plate appearances. He only played 34 games. Hits 287. Okay. Only pitches an inning, so that doesn't matter.

1903, he's with the Reds still. They're 74 and 65 that year. Look at them. Heine-Pietz is their new catcher. Heine. Heine-Pietz. Jesus, everybody's names. Cozy Dolan played the outfield.

I want to go back to these times. This is hilarious. I'm tired of seeing Paisleys and Adens. Backup catcher Pat Diesel. Hell yeah. His name's Pat Diesel. That's a hilarious name. Pat Diesel.

Buck Hooker's still on the team. That's good. Got to have Noodles Han around. Excellent. 1904, what does he do this year? He hit.351 this year. Jesus Christ. .351, seven homers, 67 ribbies.

.351 is tearing up, ripping the cover off the ball. 1904, the Reds are good, 88-65, third in the National League, though, so no World Series for you there. Oh, that's a heartbreaker. Yeah, they play the whole season, top two teams, World Series. Yeah, we're third. In Georgia that year, they're in spring training, and he and his teammates were obviously hitting the bars every single night

because they're crazy, getting shithoused. Apparently he was singing, and that pissed off a customer who pulled a gun on him and threatened to shoot him. Can't blame him. Yeah. The manager of the team jumped in here. Joe Kelly jumped in and fucking snuck Donlon off to a spot where no one would murder him. That's exactly the response that we should all have to karaoke night. That's what I'm saying.

Or if someone whips out a guitar unprompted yeah that should be the get out gun on them or they're a gun play that's it everyone should have this is my karaoke gun i just keep it around no other purpose it's just for carrying in case of karaoke break glass and you break it and take it out if you were a good singer you'd be working for it get the fuck out get out of here i don't want singer, you'd be working for it. Get the fuck out. Get out of here. I don't want to hear that you're okay for a singer of karaoke. Some people love karaoke.

They love it. My dad's one of them, and I fucking want him to stop it so bad. They love doing it. They love watching it. The next year, they have a catcher named Admiral Schlee. Admiral Schlee. Admiral is his first name. Schlee. Peaches O'Neal is on the team as well yeah peaches o'neill peaches o'neill peaches o'neill is a man an irish man with the first name of a of

a of a young black girl peaches o'neill heinie heinie pites is still on the team here i don't see buck hooker anymore though i think he's gone that's a damn shame when you can't have buck hooker on your team noodles han is still there though he's there uh 1904 july 6th this is known as the st louis incident here oh as you might imagine here this is from the cincinnati post from 1904, July 6, 1904. The conduct of Mike Donlan following his suspension for an indefinite period for drunkenness Tuesday is believed by those who saw and heard him to be sufficient cause for his release. In the rooms of other players after he had been ordered home, Donlan poured out a volley of profanity and cursed

manager kelly repeatedly kelly overheard some of this abuse but restrained himself from resenting it with an uh with an effort so he didn't go say anything donlin finally declared that he would work on the streets rather than play ball again under kelly i'll suck dick in front of this fucking hotel. I'll suck dick on the sidewalk before I fucking play ball with you again. That's what he said, right? He didn't say, I'll shine shoes. He said, I'll suck dick. I'd rather blow every dude on the sidewalk than play for you.

I'll blow every sailor at the fucking port before I play for you. I'll sell my butthole. I don't care. Rather than listen to a word you say. You know something you can sell more than once? Your butthole. That's right. You can sell it

as many times as you want. You can sell it and then it's yours again. That's called business smarts. Business smarts. So, the suspension is not a surprise to the left fielder's club mates. Such a fate has been predicted for him more than once. Since the opening of the season, manager Kelly has suffered criticism at the hands of some of the, of some of who, sorry, it's an old newspaper.

Some of who have considered him rather lax. The action against Donlon is the line of threatened discipline taken by the red, by the read earlier this year. And it has, and it has been charged that he was not going to carry out his determination expressed in the spring. Jesus.

But Kelly comes down flat against violations of simple rules that players are asked to observe. No further disobedience will be tolerated, said Kelly Wednesday. And I know President Herman and Cincinnati fans will back me up if I punish the offenders. Donlon remained at the St. James Hotel where the team is stopping, refusing to go home Tuesday night, though a ticket had been furnished him. refusing to go home Tuesday night, though a ticket had been furnished him. Manager Kelly learned that Donlon wrote a telegram to a Montana manager offering to jump from the Cincinnati club. They don't have a major league team, Montana. This is some other team. I'll play for you.

Well, President Gary Herman of the Cincinnati club Wednesday morning received Manager Kelly's letter from St. Louis explaining in full the action of suspending Mike Donlon, the Reds hard-hitting left fielder, who because of his extended celebration of the 4th of July by the wet goods route. The what? They described three days of drunkenness as a, quote, extended celebration of the 4th of July by the wet goods route. He drank his way across three days is what they just said.

Amazing. That is one way of putting it. Suspended by Kelly indefinitely. Fred Odwell, the Red Sox crack utility outfielder. He's on a lot of crack, everybody. Even back then it was a problem. Will play one of the outer gardens in Donlon's place, meaning he's going to take his place in the outfield. play one of the outer gardens in Donlon's place, meaning he's going to take his place

in the outfield. The Reds will lose little by the change, as Odwell has shown. He's a jewel in the rough and will soon blossom into a star. Alright then. Right after that, an article in the paper. Big headline. Dick is involved. Oh, yeah.

Is it? Dick is involved. Charges made against Senator and fellow directors in the defunct akron savings bank it's just a headline from the paper but dick is involved is right under that so you never know uh so rejoining from suspension here uh this is from the rushville republican july 25th 1904 mike donald the suspended first baseman and outfielder of the cincinnati reds was expected to join the local team today. Actually, it says local

tierm. There's an R in team. Tierm? Yeah. Fuck it. Typo. Arrangements were made for Donlon to play three games with Rushville this week, and manager Garrity wired him a ticket to the city this morning, intending to have him come to the city at 1046

that's exact, and drive through to Greensburg. Donlin was then at the Stag Hotel in Cincinnati. He did not receive his ticket, however, in time to catch the train, and he wired manager Garrity that he would come via big form, would arrive at 210 p.m. Okay, the manager has been after Donley for some time and finally succeeded in getting him here for a short time.

He's one of the hardest hitters and best ball players in the National League, and only yesterday, while playing with Middletown, got two home runs, two three-base hits, and one two-base hit out of five times at bat. Jesus, that's pretty amazing. So, there's an article under that that I think everyone needs to know about, everybody. The sales, we'll just say, because if you happen to be in Pittsburgh on August 3rd, 1904, you need to understand that this guy here, Dr. Kohler at 638 Penn Avenue, can cure all sexual diseases. All of them?

Yes. Avoid dangerous or uncertain treatments. I make no misleading statements or deceptive propositions to the afflicted. Neither do I promise to cure them in a few days in order to secure their patronage. But I guarantee a complete, safe, and lasting cure in the quickest possible time without leaving injurious after effects in the system at the lowest possible cost for honest, skillful treatment. I positively cure blood poison, stricture, gonorrhea, glee, drains, night losses, night losses, glee, glee. I think that is stones drains. I don't know what that is.

That's gross. Hydrocolli or swelling of the parts. What parts? What parts are swollen? Oh, my God. I am terrified. Varicoli, ulcers, lost manhood. Ulcers?

That's called herpes, man. Oh, man. Rheumatism. I think he means stomach ulcers. Oh, yeah, because he said rheumatism. I think he means stomach ulcers. Oh. Ulcers. Yeah, because he said rheumatism. That's in the hands. Lost manhood, which I don't know if you're just sad about times past. Your dick don't work.

Or it's just not there. Rheumatism. You lost it. I don't know where I put it. Rheumatism. Diabetes. Bladder and kidney troubles. Prostate disease.

Tape worm. Wow. Eczema. Pimples. Ringworm. Itch. And all sexual diseases of men i have the most perfect system of home treatment known to medical science is he saying he has one thing that cures all of that he cures it all that's what i mean it's it's probably some horse shit bomb that's literally half strychnine and half cocaine. That's probably what it is.

It's like a fun day, though. Fun afternoon when you take that. Speaking of a fun afternoon, if you want to, after all that, you need to have a drink to calm yourself down. It says, speaking of quality, open a bottle of Blatt's Wiener beer. Gross. Blatt's Wiener. There's where the quality argument comes in. It's every bottle or keg that bears the wiener label order wiener for the sake of your health order wiener for the sake of your health jimmy talking to you gals that's right and the health of your family and the health of your

family it's beer wow have some dick for the sake of your family. It's tonic. It says beer, but then it says it's tonic. Blatts malt vivine non-intoxicating tonic. Yeah, it's like non-alcoholic beer. Malt tonic? I don't know what the fuck that is. Oh, boy. So anyway, he ends up getting dumped again after the St. Louis incident here.

He's shipped to the New York Giants where John McGraw is the manager there. That's where he becomes famous as the manager of the Giants for years and years. Yep, he was hitting.356 when they shit-canned him, by the way. My God. You gotta be a real piece of shit to get thrown out like that, right? Yes, that's what I'm saying. The deal was closed here

yesterday under suspension for drunkenness becomes a member of the New York team. Well, it's a trade. It's like a three-team trade actually that's interesting blockbuster you know three teams from the reds to the giants the giant sent harry mccormick to the pirates the pirates sent jimmy sebring to the reds there you go 1904 the giants are 106 47 and 5 for first in the National League. Look at them here. So this is pre-World Series, I think. This is right when they were starting doing this. So they said that they liked him. McGraw again liked him.

This is the dead ball era. They like it when you dive and spike people and play hard and steal bases. And he's got balls and speed. So that's what they want there. Like Ty Cobb. We talked about him. He's drunk. McGraw was also glad to have him around.

He said, quote, he was a notorious. Oh, this is a baseball historian. He was a notorious drunk and a carouser. He had a scar running from his left cheek down to his jaw from a knifing. But Donlon sure knew how to hit the ball. He said to the sports writers, quote, give me an even break. If you treat me right, I'll be on the up and up.

That's what he told the press when he got there. I'll be on the up and up. This is the Society for the American Baseball Research, SABR. This is how they describe him, quote, slashing pitches into gaps, running the bases with reckless abandon, and arguing incessantly with umpires. Don Linton became the baseball idol of Manhattan because of his strutting walk and red neck. He was dubbed Turkey, a nickname he hated, but had such a following that kids imitated his strut.

With his cap at a belligerent angle over one ear, Belligerent. He wore his cap tilted. Slim with the tilted brim is what he said. What's my mother's fucking name? What's your name, rooster? Turkey Mike. And he said, gobble, gobble. Turkey Mike. Yes, a scar running down his left cheek from the knifing

and an ever-present plug of tobacco in his jaw. He looked the part of a rough, tough dead baller. No kidding. That's what he was, yeah. So on this team, let's see, anybody funny names on this team? There's a Doc. That's good. Doc Marshall.

Not bad, yeah. Not bad, but not – oh, Red. There's a Doc and a Red. Oh, and a Hooks. Hooks Wiltsy. There's always a Doc and a Red back then. Yeah. A Doc, a Red, and a Hooks. Hooks Wiltsy. There's always a Doc and a Red back then. Yeah. A Doc, a Red, and a Hooks, apparently.

And a Claude. There's also a Claude. Oh, and there's another Red. There's two guys named Red on this team. How do you do that? That's fucking awesome. Two Reds. So this year he hits.280 for the Giants. So not spectacular, but decent. Oh, no, wait.

That's with the Giants with the Reds combined. He hits.329, second to Honus Wagner for the batting title. Yep. Helped the Giants win the National League pennant. However, the manager, McGraw, refused to participate in the World Series, which this would only be the second World Series. It had only been played once before because of business and personal feud between the American League champion, the Boston Red Sox,

Boston Americans at the time, and him. He didn't like the fucking owners of them. He said, I'm not playing them. Fuck them. How about that? That's pretty awesome. He made $3,300 this year, Turkey Mike. So 1905, 105, 48, and 2, Giants are, finishing first in the National League.

Not too fucking shabby again here. This year, and again, nobody to Hooks again. Hooks is there, but other than that. Oh, Christy Mathewson's on the team now. He's a 24-year-old Christy Mathewson who is a future Hall of Famer, incredible pitcher who then went to World War I and got mustard gas in his lungs and died when he was like 34 or some shit. Yeah, terribly tragic story.

But great pitcher. Did they play the World Series this year? And the series was a series, right? It wasn't just one game? No, they used to do nine. It was best of nine back then. Oh, Jesus. That's exhausting.

So we'll talk about the series in a second here. Yeah, he ends up leading the league in runs scored this year with 124. He hits 356. Fuck, man, that's amazing. With seven homers, 80 RBI, 33 steals, 31 doubles, 16 triples. Killing it. That year, he has his best season, and he doesn't get suspended at any time during it which is great uh he led the i guess third in the national league in average led the league and run scored and finished in the

top five and a bunch of other shit too and the giants won the world series how about that the philadelphia athletics so they win uh not bad eagles later now he said they became the eagles as we all know that's actually the current oakland slash wherever the fuck they're going to go is. Really? Yeah, they started there. Are they moving? They went to Kansas. One minute it's okayed, and then Vegas says no, and they're trying to figure out how to move.

Yeah. It's so stupid. That's too bad. That's fucking awful. It really is. That's a great place for them to be is fucking Oakland. They shouldn't be moving. It is. Otherwise, they're going to change those goofy uniforms. They're going to change it all. It's fucking awful. It really is. That's a great place for them to be is fucking Oakland. It is. Otherwise, they're going to change those goofy uniforms.

They're going to change it all. They're going to make it cool and sleek. It'll be all over. That's not what they are. It's not the Bass Brothers. It's not any of that shit anymore. It's stupid. If you're good, no one will care where you play or how old or how shitty your uniforms look.

They'll pack the fucking joint. Get an Eckersley and fucking keep going. Let's do this. 1906 in February, Donlan is arrested after punching a train conductor. Oh? The train conductor came up to bother Donlan, quote unquote,

because Donlan was brandishing a gun. Oh. So the train conductor said, hey, you can't have your gun out on the train, so Donlan punched him. At least he didnwin punched him. At least he didn't shoot him. Now, some accounts said that he was, quote, set up by a jewelry salesman named Diamond Dick, which is I'm a little upset about that because that's my nickname that I use around the house is Diamond Dick.

Obviously, it's, you know, that's the male version of the jazzling yes my my diamond dick so donlon is charged with assault here february 9th 1906 from the news journal donlon and several companions arrested in albany michael j donlon center fielder for the new york uh new york league baseball club walter bennett a southern league pitcher and john mcgr, another professional baseball player, all members of an indoor baseball team en route to begin a series at Troy. What the fuck? Say it again?

Some indoor baseball team. They would do barnstorming in the offseason to make money back then because they didn't make a ton of money. Were arrested here on the arrival of their train this afternoon. They're charged with disorderly conduct on the train. Donlan's also charged with drawing a loaded revolver on a porter. You can't do that.

Can't do that. According to the story of the porter, the party began drinking soon after the train left Grand Central Station. That sounds correct. I believe that. I believe that. So far, I'm on board. Their conduct became, quote, annoying to the other passengers. I can't believe that. Yeah,, I'm on board. Their conduct became, quote, annoying to the other passengers.

I can't believe that. Yeah, I bet he was singing annoyingly. And they were repeatedly cautioned by the conductor and the train crew. The warnings proved ineffectual. And finally, the porter alleges, Donlon drew a revolver and pointed it at him, throwing other passengers in the car into a panic. Some of the more prudent members of the party took the weapon from Donlan there. At Poughkeepsie, the conductor telegraphed to Albany where the train reached. When the train reached here, Donlan, Bennett, McGrath were all pointed out as the chief offenders.

A sensation followed the discovery of the identity of the prisoners and a crowd followed them to the police station. The other members of the party at once began earnest efforts to secure their release. Members of the legislature from New York City used their influence in the aid of this endeavor. Other members of the New York Baseball Club on the train were second baseman William Gilbert and a couple other guys. Only three were arrested. So there you go. Okay. So there's that.

You got to have that. So Mabel Height here. Okay. That's right. This. Okay. That rumor or that spring, there's rumors circulating that Donlon is about to marry an actress named Mabel Height. H-I-T-E. Okay. This is a big deal. He's a famous ball player. circulating that Donlon is about to about to marry an actress named Mabel height. H I T.

Okay. This is a big deal. He's a famous ball player. She's a famous silent movie actress. Big deal. Um, he was, or I'm sorry,

she's in Broadway at this time. This is kind of pretty really movies out. Yeah. She's on Broadway. She said she was got interested in baseball baseball. After reading a reporter's account of how Donlon was caught stealing home. He said, quote, Donlon got tired of life and suicided at the plate, which is pretty funny.

That's a good way of writing it. That's fun. Donlon arrived at the spring training this year by himself and told teammates, neither now nor at any time have I any intention of making a double steal up to the altar. He said, what is matrimony? A fumble, an error. So he said he's not getting married, though.

Okay. In spring training, he's not getting married. A few weeks later, they get married on April 11th, 1906. He double-steal. Yeah, it's a double steal. It's big in the paper. Mabel Haidt wedded. Second jump of the actress into matrimony.

Second husband here. Mabel Haidt,. Second jump of the actress into matrimony. Second husband here. Mabel Height, the Kansas City girl who has won laurels on the stage, is now Mrs. Mabel Height Donlon, having been married to Mike Donlon, outfielder for the Giants. Mrs. Donlon's first matrimonial venture, which occurred March 2, 1901, was the whirlwind kind. It was three days of wooing, three weeks of honeymoon, then a separation, later a divorce that's her first marriage not this one the man was ellis e hamlin son of european buyer for marshall field and co of chicago who first met her in denver where she was playing estelle in the telephone girl mabel heights remembered here as the prima donna of the chaperones, which was here two and a half years ago. Oh, okay.

Very nice. So, okay. 1906 Giants, 96-56-1. Finished second, so no World Series there for that. Damn it. So, not bad. Here we go. June 9, 1907, the Tacoma Daly Ledger.

Paid high price for being funny. Mike Donlan once had to put up $2 per ball for intentional fungo hitting. In spring practice of 1906 of the New Yorks, they call them, never very fond of conditioning practice, tried one

stunt to escape practice for which he will probably never repeat. The Giants had been out for an hour or so, engaged in the strenuous practice under the eye of McGraw, and Mike, along with some of the others, was getting tired. They wanted to return to the hotel, but McGraw had a contrary spell and kept them at work. Donlon was at the bat and Bowman was catching. There was a short right field at Memphis where the team was training,

and Bowerman had an inspiration. Knock all the balls over that fence, Mike, and break up the game. Hit all the balls out of here so we can't play anymore. Make them go chase them. The pitcher was just lobbing them over, and it was a picnic for Mike to foul three balls over the fence in rapid succession. The conspirators were chuckling at their success. conspirators were chuckling at their success. When McGraw happened to glance their way, he is not noted for his angelic temper,

and he fairly boiled over at the attempt to get the best of his orders. Those balls you put over the fence will cost you $2 a piece, and every one you knock out of the lot now will cost you $5. Okay, so we got six out, and from now on it's five bucks a ball? That little stunt cost them $6 between the two of them. High price, as the paper put it. So in 1906, he broke his ankle sliding into second base and missed the rest of the season. And kind of fucked up.

So that was the end of his fast. He wasn't fast anymore after that. I don't think they had the same way of setting things. 1900 surgeries? Yeah, it's not great. Um, let's see. Oh, here we have a spike.

Shannon's on the team that year. Spike and hooks are both on the team. Spike hooks and red are all there. And doc spike hooks, red and doc. That's awesome. That sounds like an old West gunslinger crew, doesn't it?

It's fucking awesome. So, that year he only played in 37 games at 314. 1907, he demanded the same salary as well as a $600 bonus. Why did he want a bonus? As incentive to stay sober,

he said. Oh, I'll stay sober for 600 bucks. Pay me not to get shit-faced. All right. The owner refused and he sat out the whole season. Drunk.

Shit-faced because they didn't give him that. he spent the time traveling around with his wife doing shows got into the theater and into the high society lifestyle that came with theaters this isn't so bad there's a lot of booze in here no shit and he got into acting as well is that right yep once the uh critics said quote at first they laughed at him, but Turkey Mike stuck with it and fought as hard as he did in baseball. Another said, Donlon, quote, never was the actor he thought he was or wanted to be. It wasn't for lack of confidence. He said, quote, I can act. I'll break the hearts of all the gals in the country.

And if their hearts aren't broken, I'll beat the shit out of them and their boyfriends, too. Wow. This is what he said. I'll break the shit out of them and their boyfriends too wow this is what i'll break the hearts of every woman in the country i'll pretend to be into them is that what he's saying i don't know what he's saying no we'll get them to i'll be a movie star they'll want to all want to fuck me i'll be so fucking hot i won't bang any of them i won't i'll bang them all um noted bait here's from 1907 fe February 20th, noted ballplayer touched for diamond in cash in Chicago. That sounds like a voluntary transaction.

Uh, Mike Donlan of the giants will really want more money. Now he was robbed of $500 and a diamond stud last night after playing the good Samaritan. Wow. He encountered a man from New York with a hard luck story. You must be Mike Donlan, the great outfielder. The stranger said to Donlon. I recognize you in a minute, although I was never introduced to you. Mr. Donlon coyly admitted his baseball greatness, as well as his identity, and the stranger

then unburdened himself of further, I can't read because the paper's fucked up, which sounded sweet to Michael's ear, for he has not heard the applause of the Bleachers since way last summer. Come with me, he said with a three-base hit smile. A man who knows a good baseball player need never go hungry while Mike Donlon lives. So he invited this guy to dinner with him, this fan, while he drags the admiring quote-unquote fan within the door of the union restaurant and ordered a turkey dinner for two. During the repast, more fragrant verbal bouquets were tossed recklessly at Mike by his guest,

and when the man had eaten till he could eat no more, the hospitable Michael spoke as follows. Old fellow, if you haven't a place to sleep, come up to my room and sleep with me. There's plenty of room and I don't want to see a man walking the streets what wow the stranger protested it would be an intrusion and he was not and he's not entitled to such hospitality etc but donlon insisted the fan went to bed and donlon also retired the stranger woke up first for when donlon rubbed his eyes and sat up in the bed, he found his bedfellow was gone. In a few moments, he found that his diamond stud valued at $500, and $500 in cash were also absent without leave. When he discovered his loss, Donlon hastened out of the city hall and informed Lieutenant Andy Rohan of the circumstances.

The robber was arrested. He gave the name of F.S. Smith. He had already spent uh spent the 500 oh he already sold the 500 stud for a hundred dollars he hocked it already he let a stranger sleep in his bed literally in the bed come on up eat with me sleep in my bed. That's normal. August 31st, 1907. Nevada State Journal. Little actress's husband drunk. Oh?

Mike Donlan, baseball star, tried to beat dainty Mabel Height, his pretty wife. I'm married now, drew tear, but she is devoted. If he'll sign with Giants for six months, she'll forgive. What the fuck? What's happening? When Mabel Height, the dainty little comedian, stepped on the boards of the novelty theater last night and danced across the stage to the rollicking tune of For I Am Married Now in the comic opera A Night for a Day, some of the regular patrons wondered why she left out one particular verse of the song. The verse was one which invariably drew a burst of laughter, but though she was called back again and again, she refused to sing it.

The verse runs. Let's find it. Maybe it's filthy. Let's find out. Maybe it's like, my pussy's itching. I can't be bitching. It could be filthy. We don't know. Quote, I'd like to go a luncheon, but I've got a huncheon that I'd get a puncheon, and I hate to wear a veil, for I am married now.

Oh, because her husband did beat her up, so she didn't want to sing the verse about getting beat up by her husband. That makes sense. Wow. That's wow. I'd like to go out, but my husband will beat the shit out of me if I go out to lunch, is what that song says. I'll need to wear a veil everywhere I go. And that's funny. That's a comedy.

So funny. They said that funny. That's a comedy. So funny. That's a comedy. They said that gets big laughs, they said. Taylor Swift is soaring high, her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of Wondery's show, Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor

Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Had they, however, followed the little woman to her dressing room, they would have seen her throw herself on a chair with her head bowed on the table as if her heart and cry as her if her heart was breaking the headline donald was drunk for she is married now herself and a short time previously had after scouring the town found her husband mike donald dead drunk in a russian bathhouse less than 24 hours he had tried to smash her pretty face with his fist and had sent her

screaming into her own can't read that in which terrified she looked at herself imploring mike to uh mike to be good through the key oh be good through the keyhole unable to vent his wrath on his wife donlon proceeded to drown himself further in liquor in the morning his little wife started out on a still hunt after and after a great deal of trouble succeeded in finding him it is only a tale of an actress and her drunken husband a tale which alleged respect respectability will turn up its nose secure in the belief the little laughing creature of the footlights is incapable of feeling and sentiment in other words she's a human being too just because her husband's a drunk and beats

her up don't mean that that's nothing that's this version of that yeah a hundred years ago version of that um but the tale she told it with the large tears rolling down her woe-be-gone face and her voice choking with sobs seems pathetic just as pathetic as the tale of sorrows of a real husband being in the workaday world wow in that context of pathetic are they are they fucking ridiculing her? No, I think they mean it like sympathetic. Yeah, yeah. That's how they used to. Pathetic used to be like, oh, he's so pathetic.

There's two ways of, yeah. Yeah, like you'd see like a stray dog and he'd call it pathetic. Like you want to take it in type of thing. It says wife's success spoiled him later in the article. They were married a year ago, but his wife's success was too much for Donlon. And her hard-earned money, coming from the tiny fame for which she had fought night after night from the lowest rung of the chorus, was spent by him in drink. Jesus. So she's out there acting her ass off and he's just spending the money on booze.

Fucking buying turkey dinners for strangers who rob him. Yeah. Holy shit. There's more to that story, I guarantee. for strangers who rob him. Yeah. Holy shit. There's more to that story, I guarantee. Oh, God, yeah, absolutely. Who buys a man dinner and then invites him to sleep in his bed? You know what I mean? I can tell you who does.

Gay guys, probably. Same way, straight guys buy a girl dinner and invite her to sleep in his bed. Same thing. And who's working that Russian bathhouse he was at? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This is a lot going on here for this guy naturally there followed the usual promises the usual fits of repentance and the usual relapses the story was repeated night after night every evening when the little woman beamed and smiled across the stage cracked her little jokes and brought happiness and laughter to the hearts of the audience, few knew that she was unable to bring a smile to her own lips

or happiness to herself. I don't like the way they keep calling her Little. She's insignificant. She is a fully grown adult famous person. Stop calling her Little. She's a poor little thing. It grew from worse with the tears welling in the eyes of her warm little heart torn with misery.

She danced onto the stage, but she omitted to sing that particular verse. Uh, she sent Mike to New York to sign with the giants and to remain six months, uh, to return in six months, a changed man. Go play baseball for six months and come back sobered up and it's fine. Um, if he does not for six months, go grow up, please. If he does not straighten up in that time, she will bring suit for divorce. But she cried as she said it. For Mike is a good boy when he's sober and I love him. Wow.

He's going to be a fucking monster for the next six months. He's going to be a monster. And you know what? She might need this ad right below this. What is it? Diarrhea in giant letters. When you want a quick cure without any loss of time and one that is followed by no bad results, use Chamberlain's colic cholera and diarrhea remedy. They think that the bad part about diarrhea is that you lose time?

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The most uncomfortable thing on the planet is diarrhea. It never fails and is pleasant to take. It's equally valuable for children it's famous for its cure over a large part of the civilized world how much time are you losing to diarrhea oh man he returns it to the giants in 1908 the audience The audience loves him. People yelling, oh, you Mabel's Mike, because he's now got a famous wife. They love it. Oh, they think he's great. Homer's into the right field bleachers to win the game at the end.

Thousands of fans came onto the field and mobbed him and took his cap and ripped the buttons off his shirt and all that shit. Seriously. Oh, Mabel's Mike. Look at you. Anybody interesting on the team? No, I've just read a shit seriously. Oh, Mabel's mic. Oh, Mabel's mic. Look at you. Anybody interesting on the team? No, just red. Oh, Rube. There's a Rube now.

Rube Marquardt. So we got a Rube, a Red, a Doc. This is a Buck. There's a Buck. A Buck, a Rube. A Buck, a Rube. No, Buck Herzog this time. Oh, a new one.

A Bull. Bull Durham is on the team. A man named Bull Durham is on the team a man named bull durham is on this is that right a bull a rube a fucking duck a hooks holy shit a buck this is awesome were the durham bulls named after him well i mean the team is durham so yeah i don't know bull durham durham bull i don't know what it is. Wow, this team is, and a red. And a guy named Roy. All in one. Roy.

This is our team. This is our team. I'm rooting for the 1908 Giants. They're my favorite team ever. They have all the weird guys on their team here. So 1908, he does great. Hits.334, which is awesome. After the season, he won the New York Journal Trophy as New York's most popular player.

John Barrymore, the movie star. And Drew's dad. Not dad, I think grandfather. Is it really? I think it might be great-grandfather, as a matter of fact. They're really related, though. Absolutely, yeah, that whole family, the Barrymores. Yeah, that's a big family.

One of Donlan's best friends and drinking buddies performed Hamlet's soliloquy at a dinner in his honor. John Barrymore did a thing for him. So, yeah, he does very well that year. Makes $4,500. Okay. Okay, including $500 for being the team captain. Because you want to follow his example.

You get $500 out of it. Yeah. October 26, 1908, vaudeville comes a-calling. Yeah? Oh, he's going to act now. Absolutely. vaudeville comes a calling yeah oh he's gonna act now absolutely victor vincent brian wrote a one act play called stealing home for height and donlon oh no stealing home and he wrote it for them yeah uh it opened at the hammerstein theater in new york really it's a great acclaim variety

said about it quote mike donlon as a polite comedian is quite the most delightful vaudeville surprise you ever enjoyed wow the new york globe said donlon's dancing created a small pandemonium of uproar he's good for the next three winters the pair performed stealing home in front of sold-out houses from boston to san francisco wow they just yeah in the off season they would just go fucking one act play how how long is this it's got to be intermission and all that right probably an hour or something maybe one of those one act one act um one critic didn't like didn't think he was so good they said height was so good she could carry him therefore or thereafter donlon never lost the bug he vowed never to return to

baseball because he was making more money in vaudeville. Sure. He said, fucking stupid. Why do that? So the couple pantomimed their vaudeville routine for camera, lip syncing to the dialogue they pre-recorded. And it was released with phonograph records. And the early talkie became hugely popular. It was one of the first talkies.

Yeah. I want to Google and see if that play ever played the theaters that we play. That feels fascinating. I'm sure it did. If we play those old theaters, I'm sure it did. Like the one in Denver, that's been around.

One of Minneapolis. We just played. That was a vaudeville theater. That was, but I think that was 1914. Oh, I wonder if that was even around. This was like 1907 to 1909.

He doesn't play for two years. He sits out and plays, does this, just does the plays. And then he comes07 to 1909. He doesn't play for two years. He sits out and just does the plays. And then he comes back in 1909. It ran its course, and things weren't going so well on the stage. So he comes back. Now he hasn't played in three years. He's been drinking every night, hanging out, doing that sort of thing. They said, quote, he had more arguments than hits for the Giants.

One day he poked his finger into the press box at the polo grounds and told New York Times reporter Harry Cross, don't you ever call me turkey in your paper again. He has had enough. That's what they call you. They were 99-54 and won the Giants, and they finished in first place in the National League. Not bad.

So not too shabby. Anybody fucking interesting here? More Reds and Freds and Rubes and Bugs. We have a Bugs. Hey! Bugs Raymond. We have Dick, Bugs, Hooks, Red, Rube, and Doc. And Admiral, all on one team.

Admiral, first name. And Buck. And Buck. Sorry. Yep, and Buck. That's awesome. on one team. Admiral, first name. And Buck. And Buck. Sorry. Yep, and Buck. That's awesome. Fuck that team. Rules.

God damn it. Fuck, I would have had so much fun just with people's names back then. That's awesome. So he is purchased on August 1, 1911, purchased by the Boston Rustlers from the New York Giants. So they're 44-107- 5 that year the boston rustler oh god that's why would you pound it ah that's terrible now he's gotta go play for bad teams he's been playing for the best team in the fucking league pretty much every year yeah great teams and now it's the fucking worst team finished eighth in the national league which i think is last

and there's a couple there's a hank there's a hank and a and a and a doc but and a buck but that's about it and a peaches peaches graham is here as well old peaches is back very nice here hub big jeff pfeffer is also on the team so that's kind of nice god these teams never disappoint and there's a guy named there's a guy named fuller thompson okay fuller's his first name does he have like an emptier thompson who's a skinny brother he's a yeah he's the fat one fuller fuller all right isn't there a rube in the second uh major league yeah major league the catcher yeah yeah absolutely he was rube bet you wonder how i got that name. No, I got a pretty good idea about how that happened, Jake says. Got to be acting like your best pig died.

Yeah. Got to be acting like your best pig died. Fall of 1911. Height is in Europe on a European trip, his wife. She falls ill. Turns out she has cancer. Oh, my. That's her illness.

That was around back then? Yeah. Yeah, it's That's her illness. That was around back then? Yeah. Yeah, it's been around for a long time. On her deathbed, she read her husband an account of Napoleon's return from Elba because, quote, she wanted him to understand that if anything happened to her, he was to quit vaudeville and go back to the game. What? Stop doing this. Yeah.

If I die, you can't do this anymore. So he does february 17th 1912 he's traded by the braves who the rustlers become the braves uh to the pittsburgh pirates uh so he's on the pirates they finished second in the national league that year anybody getting a honus wagner's on that team so hall of dots first base dots miller dots i like that uh dots we got an ovid Hall of Fame. Dots. First base, Dots Miller. Dots. I like that. Dots. We got an Ovid, a Solly, a Howie, a Lefty. But that's about it.

And a Mickey. And a Babe. A Babe Adams. So not bad, but I mean, there's been better teams in terms of that. So Harry Gardner. Is he the guy who later on was a manager? I don't know. I think it is.

Maybe it is. All right, never mind. August 5th, 1912, there's the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Mike Donlan is restless, it says. That's the headline. Mike Donlan wants to play ball or get away from Pittsburgh. This is no secret. The biffer, they call him a biffer. I guess that means he hits.

What is that, the coach? I think it means a hitter. Hitter, I think. Isn't doing any fussing, but he hits the coach. I think it means a hitter hitter. I think isn't doing any fussing, but he is worried. Nevertheless, he kids himself and the others about his idleness, but all the same, he's counting the days and waiting for the time when Clark will play him.

He's just being benched tonight. A group of Pittsburgh pits. Oh, Jesus Christ. This paper. So fuck a group of pirates actually stood in front of the hotel, and a fat man, weighing in at something like 300 pounds, waddled along. Quick, fellas, have a look, cried Mike excitedly,

pointing to the corpulent figure with his cane. There goes Mike Donlan two years from now if Clark doesn't play him. Uh-oh. That's what he said about himself. That's fucking hilarious, this poor bastard. Poor guy's like, that's what he said about himself. That's fucking hilarious. This poor bastard. Poor guy's like, hey, what are you picking on me for? Yeah, I thought he was going to have to fight the big guy.

Jesus Christ. That's what I thought, too. The guy was going to turn around. Next thing you know, he stabs him in the fucking chest or something. Beats him with his cane. Yeah. So he's 34 years old and he hits the 316 this year. Not terrible.

Makes 5,000 bucks. That's pretty good. October of 1912, Mabel dies from cancer. Oh, goddammit. That was fast. That was fast. The same month the pirates release him as well. Oh, no.

So, yeah, that's very sad. They said she had been ill and in great suffering as well. Let's see. Oh, I think that's right. That's the other problem here i knew i remembered something about that mrs height is an ardent uh christian scientist and her daughter became converted to the belief that prayer would heal her she didn't take any medicine either for this not that 19 fucking 12 cancer yeah remedies but it might have done something rather than just go

we'll pray for her so wow my god now in that same paper after that sad sad thing they do have something to try to cheer you up the joke section want to hear what passes for a joke in 1912 in the paper what they think was funny okay um here it is went back to one of my old fishing places today. Catch anything, grandpop? Nah, can't understand it neither. They used to bite well there 60 years ago. Okay. So I guess over the last 60 years it's all fucked out?

It's all fucked out, yeah. Here's one. What's new out your way? Well, the other night a few of us voters hired a hall and took turns addressing the audience of candidates get it what we we we had a voter thing for the candidates we reversed it oh my god that's what that is essentially here's another one that's my idea of a pleasant job what's that scouting for a comic opera company is that a joke these are in the newspaper in the humor section what the fuck is going on i'm so annoyed so i guess is there is there none of those available or something oh

because it said that at the all the old plays that you saw 20 years ago are now coming around as musical comedies let's they've been doing that since then we have no idea just admit we have no new ideas as a as an industry yeah we've come up with nothing we've thought of it all it's all been said here's another obscure comic book character that we're going to pretend that has been beloved for the last 50 years here's another one of them you to know how it was created its origin story is imperative to sell more comic books that'll be the seventh movie we put out will be its origin story but that'll be by part seven so we'll get there or whatever horse shit came out in the 90s that we're recreating and making more of the fucking classic whatever movie that you liked as a kid that we're going to bend over a fucking bar stool and rape now perfect and we'll

team it up with another character that you don't know oh it's gonna be great so december 24th christmas eve 1912 it's a christmas miracle he's selected off waivers by the philadelphia phillies great after the phillies claim him he announces his retirement oh he's done yeah so he's released Great. Oh, he's done. Yeah, so he's released by the Phillies. But later in the summer of 1913, he tries to make a comeback, playing 36 games with a minor league team in Jersey City. McGraw then named him to an all-star team that went on a postseason barnstorming tour through Europe, Asia, and Africa, and all that. So British fans knew who he was even because he had been over in Europe with his wife.

Oh, Mrs. Height. They chanted, Mike from over there. America. Yes, it's better than Turkey. He's happy with that. Much better. 1914, February 20th, he signs as a free agent with the New York Giants. Really? Based on his hitting on this tourcgraw decides to give him another chance he's just trying to get him a payday it's his buddy the new york world newspaper said quote the apollo of the whack stick is back with

the giants the whack stick again between diamond dick and Dick, they got to stop infringing on what I call my penis. This is getting ridiculous now. This is getting ridiculous. Jesus Christ. We should just claim both those names. I'll be the Wax Dick. I don't care. Who cares?

Yeah, Diamond Dick, it's all good. That's our morning radio name, Diamond Dick and the Wax Dick. If it all falls apart and we have to do that. If you ever hear us on pre-7 o'clock in the morning, things have gone really bad. But we will be Diamond Dick and the Wax Stick. We will be Diamond Dick and the Wax Stick, though. That's for sure. You can count on that.

We have a comedian that is at the comedy club in this town this weekend. That's a promise right now. We promise you that. We'll be doing an on doing an on location from an appliance store in the parking lot no problem diamond dick in the wax stick at the maytag store all weekend diamond dick in the wax stick 742 84 degrees those lines are open lines are open let's see what you got to say hey hey what do you say unbelievable oh man so the team this year 1914 giants let's see who they have um there's a milt that's not that great

there's plenty of milts we got a red all right a red a christy matthewson still there um hooks hank and ferdy're not that great. And, you know, every roster right now has a James, a Tony. Yeah. All these names exist. Why not just go back to cool nicknames like this? Calling everyone Buck. I think Zumhoff ruined it probably.

There's a lot of Paul. Yeah. So that's his last year. He played 12 years in the league. He's got a.333 lifetime batting average. Get out of here. 97 home runs, or I'm sorry, 97 triples, 51 homers, 543 ribbies. Fucking decent.

Great player. Decent fucking, very decent player. Yeah, I'm looking at his OPS 854 career. Not bad at all. So 1914, he gets married again. He marries an actress named Rita Ross. He loves the actresses. He loves it.

He likes that style. He likes Hollywood. He likes all that. She is known for her part in the musical comedy team of Ross and Fenton. Oh, yeah. Which is nothing like Rub Right and Swallow from Small Town Murder. Listen to Small Town Murder on Friday. It'll come out.

There's a couple guys named Rub Right and Swallow, and it's amazing. You've got to hear that shit. So that's the Express. And Fenton? Who are they? She's part of it? Yeah, she is the Ross of Ross and Fenton. She's Rita Ross is who he marries here.

Yeah, she is the Ross of Ross and Fenton. She's Rita Ross is who he marries here. It says Michael Joseph Donlon of the Giants was married here yesterday to Miss Rita Ross, niece of Mr. and Mrs. Charles J. Ross of Ross and Fenton at the Church of the Holy Spirit by the Reverend Father blah, blah, blah. The best man was Fred Mace and the bridesmaid was Miss Blanche Ross, sister of the bride. They will live in New York. So, yeah, he gets released and he's done. 1915, starting off his movie career about a film about his own life called Right Off the Bat.

That's not what she said. She said, never do this again. Not always do this. You mean do this all the time? I'm in it. Marry an actress. 1916, he managed a semi-pro baseball team in New Jersey, and the next winter ran a baseball and boxing

a baseball clinic and a boxing tournament in Cuba. Oh, man. 1917, he managed the Memphis Chicks of the Southern League. At first, he was popular, but then eventually he put himself in to pitch and made a fool of himself and the fans booed him.

So by midseason, he either quit or was fired. He was drunk, right? I'm sure. Yeah, he's Tom Hanks in League of Their Own out there. I'm in a pitch now. Hold on. I got to pee for fucking three minutes. Wave my little hat.

Wave my little hat. Wave my little hat. So later that year, the War Department, because World War I is going on now, appointed Donlan to teach baseball to U.S. soldiers in France. Because that's important for war. For the war effort, we need to teach the boys. In order to beat the Kaiser, they got to know how to hit the curveball, son. Bring your wax stick. So bring your wax stick along.

1918, Donlan returns to California as a scout for the Boston Braves. Diamond dick in the wax stick. Immediately, he gets into movies here. John Barrymore helped him. That's the thing. Oh. Yes, he appeared with John Barrymore. Barrymore helped him.

That's the thing. Yes, he appeared with John Barrymore. And his first movie is here, Raffles, The Amateur Craxman, in 1917. Wow. Raffles, The Amateur Craxman. He's then in Jack Spurlock, Prodigal. What is Jack Spurlock? Why do I know that?

I don't know. Why do I know those two words together? Maybe it's a detective story or something. It's a character or something. I think it is. It might be. Jack Spurlock, yeah. Yeah. Brave and Bold, he's in after that. I don't know. I don't know those two words together. Maybe it's a detective story or something. It's a character or something. I think it is. It might be. Jack Spurlock. Yeah. Yeah.

Brave and Bold, he's in after that. That's presented by William Fox of Fox. Oh, really? Fox Studio. Fox everything. The Unchastened Woman after that. Oh, boy. He's in that.

He plays a character called O'Brien. Filthy. Oh. Filthy. Filthy. So he went to France. When he was over in France, the people over there thought he was cool. Anyway, the soldiers, they knew who he was and shit like that.

So they were like, wow, this is pretty badass. He has a lot of money problems. So he's always in movies and shit like that, as we'll talk about. February 20th, 1920. He's got an article here. Slugger of the Giants discusses baseball, boxing, acting, played with Charlie Demon Doyle. Okay. He says McGraw's the greatest manager in history.

As Mike Donlan said that, he lifted his feet up onto a trunk, sank back into a chair. He then passed the package and we lighted up what is that his dick a joint i have no idea i was determined to get a story from mike donlan now starring in turn to the right uh the movie immediately after the prologue i started for the stage after crawling through the ropes wings backs drops lights and a couple of million other things i found the former baseball player in his dressing room. I bothered him in the green room. I hunted him down.

Hunted him down. It didn't look a bit like a clubhouse. Paint, powder, and all the rest were lying on the table. And there was Donlon. He smiled and started to chat, exactly what I wanted him to do. To get him started, I asked him whom he thought was the greatest manager in history, and without a second delay, he said McGraw. But Donlon at that moment was not worrying about McGraw. He was thinking about Charlie Doyle, whom he'd met for the first time in several years, a few minutes before the show started. He said, quote, I remember Sacramento

very well. I played my last game in the California League in this town, and the worst drubbing I ever got in my life I got right here. Charlie Doyle was in the box against me, and they beat me 11-8. It was sure murder. I went back to St. Louis after that. So, yeah, he said, when a fellow broke into the big brush those days, back in the 90s, meaning the 1890s, it sure was a hard job. All the old-timers looked you over. They made it darn hard, too. Now a fellow joins a a big league club and he gets all the help in the world what's more does

this sound familiar yeah people saying it's the exact same state even in the 90s yeah the era before this was better it's just harder which is usually true but still um he said uh now a fellow joins a big league gets all the help in the world what's more when he travels he gets a lower berth and when he goes to the clubhouse he finds everything for his convenience meaning he gets better travel accommodations and they give him better food there yeah i was playing regularly two years before i ever got a lower berth and traveling then i only got it by drawing the right number out of a hat. Until then, I didn't even get a chance to draw out of the hat. Jesus Christ. He said he's never, and since then he's never seen California, but I sure do love this country. He loves California. He talks about chatting. He said, they said, did you ever

try prize fighting? And he said, nope, that and football. I football i've never tried funny thing isn't it they say boxing is brutal but then they all go to football games i think boxing is the greatest game in the world i'm a ring fan if i had a kid a year old i would start teaching him boxing oh that's good he'd have brain damage by the time he was seven perfect punch the shit out of a one-year-old i'll knock the fall knock him down gotta let him get back up he said and it's not as brutal as football when a fella gets enough when a gets enough, he can just lie down. In football, if you happen to slip, 21 fellows pile up on you. Back then, they'd have to keep you down.

They did. They'd have pile-ups because back then, if you fell down and you were facing forward, you could get up and keep going. So they had to hold you down, and people would pile on to you until you were stopped completely, and then the whistle would blow. That's how football used to work. In the ring, you're there with the other fellas facing you and you have a chance.

Then there are a lot of rules that protect you. Okay. So they say that the biggest thing about Mike Donlan is himself. He has a winning smile. This is the paper. The sort of smile that makes you like him the first time you see him. After a 25 minute chat,

one called and Donlan pulled his feet off the trunk. Guess I had better go up. And the interview was over. He went on stage. There you go. 1920 here, he talks about how he used to play for the— Oh, he's talking about the World Series here. Okay.

He's talking about all of this shit. He's talking—oh, wow, this is interesting. He said, well, anyhow, I went all the way from the outfield to tell maddie not to let you get a chance at the ball before you made a hit before you made the hit that really won the game after we were in the clubhouse i went after him about it he said he had to put it somewhere i said why didn't you put it at him or under him anywhere but over the plate don't know what that means it's just old-timey talking i like that yeah uh chance oh chance the other players said that's so steiny came up the next and fan however

we beat you yes you won with a bunch of pop bottles bouncing off your head left donlon apparently they were throwing shit at him that's interesting um i guess oh out here it's slow getting underway the authorities lit up wonder whether the owner of the house. Oh, interesting. Okay. Here it is. Um, there's talking about, I can't figure out why any of us would take a bribe. There wasn't a fellow on the team that had three bucks and was all trying to get in the

series for some getaway dough. Okay. Cause he's saying there's a problem there. Somebody, somebody was supposed to have offered somebody money in 1908. It's ridiculous. problem there. Somebody was supposed to have offered somebody money in 1908. It's ridiculous. So, 1922.

Mike Donlan is to play as an Islander here. Another doubleheader, not hockey, another doubleheader is scheduled tomorrow at Douglas Park. Two games were slated for the afternoon when it became apparent yesterday that the doubleheader originally planned to go through as one game, only as one game. Feature

of tomorrow will be the appearance of Mike Donlan, former New York Giant, now Boston Red Sox scout, in the role of an of Islander. Donlan has contested, has consented to don the harness again just for the day the president of the RF Island Fans Association announced that Mike will be seen as either first base or in the outfield. He's going to play again. That's nice. November 26, 1923. An actor. As an actor, I'm a star outfielder, he says. That makes sense.

So he's not that good? He's an actor. I'm a pretty good baseball player. Oh, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He says that he's struggling as an actor when he is by nature, instinct and inclination everything an outfielder he says but reviewers insist he does act pretty well he makes fun of himself even though the reviewers actually give him pretty good reviews which is it seems pretty humble and fun yeah

that's kind of what's going on here so reader ross the daughter of charles ross in his day a famous thespian that's his wife that he married here. They said that she inherited real talent, too, and the two of them are quite a talented couple. 1923, he's in a movie called Railroaded. What? How do you make that movie when that's out? What? Railroaded, like his parents.

Exactly. I was like, Railroaded. Like his parents. Exactly. I was like, railroaded? Please remember that. Can't be in that movie. Railroaded. I know someone who was railroaded. So 1923 is in something called The Busher. Yeah.

It's a short, and he plays the rival in it. Oh, he's the bad guy. Bad guy. 1923 is in Woman Proof. Oh. I's the bad guy. Bad guy. 1923 is in woman proof. Oh, I'd like to be woman proof. Woman proof. Damn it.

He plays a foreman. Uh, he next up, he's in the unknown purple. Oh, I don't know what that is. He plays Burton. Uh,

then he's in the flaming barriers. Okay. Then he's in the troubleshooter. Oh, then he's in a movie called hit and run that's all 1924 and 23 wow so he's working a lot at one point august 24th 1923 he's in a he's doing stunt shit he's injured in a motorcycle accident yeah because he's fucking what 40 yeah something like that yeah he's around to do this yeah he's uh former giant bubble blind in the care of physicians following a sensational spill on a motorcycle donald was injured while doing a

stunt in the motion pictures he suffered severe bruises no man you gotta stop that's fucking crazy so yeah you can feel bad for him now he's all beaten up and he's trying to hustle and he's like an old comic working cruise ships right now it It's a hard time. It's sad now. It's getting sad. I mean, I feel bad for him, but not nearly as bad as I feel. For Mike Donlan, FinTech business development in New York. Here, he went to Colgate University. Mike Donlan, writing and editing professional in New Hampshire.

Went to Emerson College. Mike Donlan, writer, educator, consultant, trainer, entrepreneur. Oh, yeah. A little Tommy Wiseau sound to that a little too much. Mike Donlin, commanding officer, Marine Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Squadron 2 in North Carolina. He's got a lot going on there, that Mike. Interesting here. They talk about this is and every time you say mike donlin i see mike donnelly from uh black sheep it's the same guy is it that's that's tommy uh tommy boy's name tommy boy that's

tommy yeah it's tommy boy is it wait is he is he mike or is he is his brother mike oh fuck now i can't remember vote for mike donnelly it's it's his brother no it's his brother Mike? Oh, fuck. Now I can't remember. Vote for Mike Donnelly. It's his brother. Oh, no. It's his brother. I'm like, oh, no. Now I don't remember. Those movies blend together so much for the same movie. I don't know his real name. I don't know his name in that movie, I think.

I don't know either. I don't know. Tommy. Tommy. His brother. Tommy. It's Tommy Boy. It's just Tommy Boy.

And Black Sheep. Hey, Tommy Boy's in this movie again. Good. Hey, Tommy Boy's in this movie again. Good. So in this, by the way, by his stunt thing, there is an article right underneath it that says, Believe 10-year car too speedy. May limit ad club auto races to vintage of 1910.

What are they saying? They're saying that racing new cars is too fast. It's too fast, so they've got to back it up a little bit. Belief was expressed by the meeting of the ad club auto gym committee, Jesus, yesterday, that the 10-year-old cars may prove too fast for the track and thus endanger life and property. There was a suggestion made that the limit be moved to 13 years old, permitting only cars of the 1910 vintage and back of that. Those 10-year-old cars are doing upwards of 30 miles an hour.

People used to get tickets for going 22 and shit back then. No kidding. It was decided to eliminate stunts. Oh? What kind of stunts do you think they're doing? Jumping shit? Burnouts? Fucking sliding them?

Nope. It was decided to eliminate stunts such as backing into parking spaces. Oh, boy. I'm a stunt driver, James. Dr. Stunt driver. Wow. Instead of that, all the stunts will contain action. There will be five-mile race for men, two-mile race for women. They can't possibly go five miles without adjusting their makeup.

They're going to be in the rearview mirrors. You know how it is. You think they're going to fucking back up? A five-mile race for Japanese drivers because you know they're all going to run into each other, so we can't let them with the ladies and the regular people back then. That's what they'd think. Mile from standing start, a relay race for dealers teams, an obstacle race, a ring tourney, a balancing performance, and the auto parade.

Jesus, that sounds crazy. But no backing in, though. September 16, 1924, Mike Donlan has a role in Gibson film. Not Mel Gibson. Different one. He plays his role as a Major League scout in Hit and Run. Oh, that's what the movie's about. Hoot Gibson's new Universal Baseball picture now showing.

Donlon used to be a star outfielder and crack hitter and can still judge him at the plate. Although he has forsaken the national pastime for a motion picture career, others in the cast are DeWitt Jennings, Marion Harlan, Harold Goodwin, Cyril Ring, and William A. Steele. Well, those names are not nearly as fun as his baseball teammates. That's fucking lame. August 24th, 1925. This is from the Chattanooga Daily Times.

And speaking of ballplayers, I recently inquired the whereabouts of Mike Donlon, the former ballplayer. He was one of my youthful heroes and in many ways the most picturesque baseball player who ever graced the diamond. Boys all over the country imitated the cocky Mike Donlon walk. Recently, I heard from Donlon in Hollywood after about 50 had written me that he was in the films. He is doing well and he's happy. And I hope walking with the same old swagger. Yeah, the same old turkey walk. Jesus.

1926, three films are released. In one, he played one of the southern generals in Buster Keaton's classic, The General. Really? Yeah. He appeared in the Sea Beast, a Moby Dick adaptation in which John Barrymore played Ahab. He's in big movies. These are big fucking movies. And he had a part in another movie here, 1927.

People love him in Hollywood. They said he's always in demand to be an assistant director in baseball movies to give films authenticity. He's their, what do they call them the consultants now that they have these will have some guy like on the wire they had the guy who people who were in prison for 30 years be their consultants because they knew the streets and they did that's what they did we needed you to validate this movie and and do it authentically that's what it is man in 1927 actors and movie stars staged a minstrel show, that's not good, to benefit to raise money to send Donlon to the Mayo Clinic for a major operation. So he's in The Sea Beast that year.

That's a good one. Self-explanatory. Yeah. Her Second Chance in 1926. Ella Cinders he's in. I don't know. He plays a film studio gateman, so he's a security guard, isn't he? That's Cinderella.

Yeah. He plays the Fighting Marine. He's in that movie. Starring Gene Tunney, who was the boxer who fought Jack Dempsey back then all the time. He had two fights against Dempsey back then. The General, he's in. That's the Buster Keaton movie. Slide Kelly Slide,

which is his first porn actually no it's a baseball movie White Flannels he's in that he plays a coach in that movie and then a movie called The Noose which I don't know what that's about I'm scared to find out what it's about in 1928

that could be real bad the benefit show for Mike Donovan was at the Philharmonic here. They had all sorts of stars, they said, from vaudeville, from everywhere all over the place, getting him money for an operation. John Barrymore is chairman of the Entertainment Committee, and with Lou Cody, Fred Niblo, Charles Murray, and George Jessel, Masters of Ceremony, and Arthur Kay, musical director, will appear on the program together

with other notables. So, you could do that. Then, when you're done with that, you can go out to the movies and see what's playing. Hey, what's playing? What's playing back then? Here's one.

This is fucking, they had porn back then. Really? This is their version of porn. This is from 1927. Exclusive reels for men only, it says in huge letters continuous daily from 11 a.m to 11 p.m it's called the naked truth 12 hours of this thing of it over and over again no greater sex story told is what it says wow in 1927 that was like crazy. No one could, wow, that would be like, it's starring Jack Mulhall and Helen Chadwick.

Orange Grove Theater, 730 South Grand. The Naked Truth. All seats, 50 cents, which is a fucking lot back then. It's expensive back then. Another one here, more laughs than Alias the Deacon. The Little Spitfire. Go see that, apparently. That'll be playing at the Hollywood Playhouse, I guess so.

Seats are 50 cents or a dollar for the best seats here. And then you can go see Al Jolson in a matinee as well. He'll be in blackface, I'm sure. I didn't realize he was that old. Yeah, oh, that's when this was coming out. Yeah, the jazz singer, that was the first. Yeah. That's this time.

That was 1920s the late 20s. 1929 to 1933, Donovan has his first role in a talkie. Oh. Yes. He plays a condemned convict in the movie Thunderbolt with George Bancroft starring there. He plays Kentucky Samson. That's his name. Okay.

Yes. So he's also in The Hangman's House in 1928. Warming Up, starring Richard Dix. Beggars. Dix. D-I-X. Dix. Richard Dix. Richard Dix. Dix Dix. Dix Dix. Dick Dix. That's him.

Dick Dix. He's not Diamond Dix, but it's him. No. It's not even Wax Dix for Christ's sake. Jesus. Wax Dix and Richard wax dick and richard dick and dick dick and diamond dick beggars of life he's in he plays bill a movie called riley the cop he plays a crook oh there's one uh movie 1929 no uh noisy neighbors not nosy neighbors noisy neighbors yeah that's he plays yeah the second i guess the second son there. Then he's in Spite Marriage, a movie called Spite Marriage, where he plays a man in ship's engine room. Also, Below the Deadline, where he plays a guy named Sandy.

And then he's in Thunderbolt also, as we talked about. He continues in 1930. He's in a movie called They Learned About Women. He's a baseball player. He's in a movie called Born Reed About Women. He's a baseball player. Okay. He's in a movie called Born Reckless, where he plays a gangster. Oh. Yeah.

Ladies Love Brutes, starring George Bancroft. George Bancroft must have liked him. He must have been friends with John Barrymore or something. He plays a kidnapper in that. Feels like his friends are getting him small parts for paydays. Yeah, but some range, too. He's not just playing a baseball player. They got him as a crook, a fucking- A criminal, a kidnapper in that feels like his friends are getting him small parts for paydays yeah but some range too he's not just playing a baseball player they got him as a crook a fucking criminal a kidnapper a condemned convict yeah it seems like he's playing a lot of a lot of cameo roles yeah yeah uh for the defense starring william powell uh he plays snooper. Oh. Okay. Her Man, a movie called Her Man. He plays a bartender in that.

Up the River, he plays a baseball manager. And then The Widow from Chicago. All in one year. Oh, that's all 1930. Wow. Which is a lot. November 20th, 1930. November 24th, 1930.

They said, oh, this is from him, I think. That's nice. Yeah. The talk turned, this is from the paper, The Merkel Boner of 1908. They talk about. The what? Merkel Boner.

It's a famous play where a guy fucked up in the World Series. It was a big boner. They called it a boner back then, and it's known as the Merkel Boner of 1908 to this day. Merkel's big boner. Merkel's boner, man. Merkel and his a boner back then, and it's known as the Merkle Boner of 1908 to this day. Big boner. Merkle's Boner, man. Merkle and his famous boner. It said the talk turned to Donovan's start in the big leagues,

touched on such famous figures as Pat Thibault, Tim Hurst, a bunch of other people I've never heard of. Then Donovan told the first accurate story of the famous Cub Giant game of 1908. He was in this game with the boner, in which Fred Merkel failed to touch second base. That's what the problem was. I remember hearing about this since the beginning of liking baseball, this whole thing. Donlin said, I've heard a thousand versions of that game, but if you're interested, I'll tell you just what happened, and it may come in handy in your writing. Okay.

That's good. Of the 25,000 people at the polo grounds that day, I doubt that more than two could honestly swear that Merkle failed to touch second. Those two were Merkle himself and Johnny Evers. Emsley, the umpire behind the plate, refused to call Merkle out. Hank O'Day didn't give a decision until the next day, but the ball which tinker carried to second base to complete the play was not the ball used in the game how's that for an unusual situation he's saying they cheated the guy didn't touch second base when he when he was running and

the guy the other team scored a run and won but he never touched second base okay so the the the fucking shortstop grabbed a ball because by then the crowd had come on the field and everything. So they just found another baseball and he just ran over and touched second base and said he's out. The umpire said, I don't know what the fuck happened, so I'm going to give it a minute. And it took until the next day until they said, well, he went and tagged and he missed second base. So he's out and the game's over and the other team won. So that's how it worked. It's a crazy thing.

We can't say whether or not he touched second, but we damn sure know that he touched second with that ball. Which is not the right ball, probably. Right. Yeah, it's a mess. What the fuck? And it's one of the more famous plays in baseball history. So whose boner is it?

Is it Merkel's or the fucking officiating? Is it Merkel or the umpire? We don't fucking know. Whose boner is this? Someone claim this boner. I see a boner and I want to know whose it is. In 1931 he appears in a boxing movie

called The Iron Man as well. He plays McNeil. Lou Ayers stars in that movie. Next up, Sweepstakes. He's in a movie called Sweep. The Star Witness he's in after that. Oh. Oh, boy.

He plays Mickey the Henchman. Yeah. Yeah. He's in a short called Full Coverage. He's in a movie called Bad Company. Oh, yeah? Till the day he dies. Is he born with a six-gun in his hand?

Six-gun in my hand. That's him. He plays Joe the elevator operator. Next up, he plays in The Tip-Off. Oh. He plays Swanky Jones. Okay. Which if I get tired of Diamond Dick, I'll go with that.

Was it the job of every title writer to make it as close to sexual innuendo as possible? Because that would be on a big billboard and it would make you look and then you might go see it just because you thought wild it's that's what it was yeah they're trying to entice you with something stupid and this is when movies too there was like gangster movies coming out and this was all the gangster movies and shit of the early 30s is what caused the haze code which was you couldn't do anything bad in a movie until the late 60s oh it was called the haze code just no cursing no fucking violence no stupid no sexual shit you'd see people kissing it would just be a quick kiss and they'd have to release it couldn't be a long thing that's when you'd see like a couple they'd start kissing and

the camera pans away to like a blowing curtain right because they couldn't show them embracing on the flowers on the table or whatever haze code they weren't allowed that's because in the 30s they made fucking raw dog movies they had porn they had fucking you know porn was i mean a chick dancing around with her shirt off but still they had you know gangster movies um a lot of gangster movies that that's what they were really it was the Puritans trying to fucking not give people gangster movies. The question, though, is, James, was it selling? You know what I mean? Yes.

If it's selling, then shut the fuck up. Yeah, well, that's what they were afraid of. It's selling, so they're ruining the country. The tip-off he's in, Swanky Jones. Arrowsmith, he plays undetermined role. I don't know what that would be. And then The Secret Witness, he plays Mike, the speakeasy't know what that would be and then the secret witness he plays Mike the speakeasy proprietor

these are all gangster movies that's what was popular back then because you just had Prohibition and Al Capone and all these gangsters now there's a bunch of movies about it that makes perfect sense perfect sense fascinating it's fast and how many gang movies were there in the 90s because the 80s they got the huge uptick

of gang shit Al Capone was purportedly the richest man on the 80s they got the huge uptick of gang shit al capone was purportedly the richest man on the planet at some point like that that's a fascinating story that's a lot yeah or at least is is the whole syndicate the industry yeah was bigger than major industries february 16th 1980 or 1932 it says that um i guess there's two there was different umpires and he says mike donlon the former new york giant slugger tells the reporter here that john mcgraw is responsible for the double umpire system mike says that mcgraw used to cut through the pitcher's box from second base with a single umpire system and head for home plate he'd catch an ump not looking and he'd fucking cut a base donlin states that mcgraw won many a ball game with that trick

wow he'd go from first to third that's awesome yeah no he'd go yeah he just cut it that way and by the way donlin i think to home he said too he'd head for home plate he'd instead of going around third he'd head from second base and just go over the pitcher's mound and go home. He said, and by the way, says Donnelly, don't address McGraw as Muggy. He hates that name. It was pinned on him when he was a welterweight fighter

before he got into baseball. This will be manager John McGraw's first spring training trip to Los Angeles since 1907. Okay, great. So he continues to act. He's in The Beast of the City as a, quote, reporter going to phone his stuff in. Oh.

He's a reporter going to phone the story in. He's in A Fool's Advice after that as Mr. Wimple. The famous Ferguson case. He's a photographer. The purchase price. And he's a photographer. The purchase price. And he's Tom Buchanan in that. That stars Barbara Stanwyck, by the way.

She's famous. Let's see. Hold'em Jail. He plays a coach. Off his base, he plays Mike Donlan in a short. He plays himself. So I don't know if that's a story about him or what. 1932. One Way Passage. He plays a Hong kong bartender i don't think he'd be very convincing as a chinese bartender i'm just gonna go off just off of what i've seen

just i don't think so i feel like he probably said some racist shit probably yeah he came in his fucking oh my god the makeup they put on him and he's just doing a terrible accent. Doing some Jerry Lee Lewis shit. Yeah, he just comes in, Jerry Lewis. He just comes in and he's like, ha ha. And they're like, no, don't. And they're like, he did a great job. 1932, he's also in Madison Square Garden.

That's apparently about boxing because he plays referee mike donlon and uh next he's in a movie called flesh which sounds yeah he plays mike a man in the gym and the devil is driving he's in as well and he plays speakeasy doorman and garage yeah there was a gym in the 30s there was a what there was a gym in the 30s. There was a what? There was a gym in the 30s. What did the gym look like then? Man in gym. Oh, Christ. It was like a medicine ball. Yeah, that's literally what it was. It was like some push up mat and a push up mat. There you go. It's a push up mat for you. also in 20,000 Years in Sing Sing as an inmate. That's a famous movie, actually, 20,000 Years in Sing Sing. Air Hostess in 1933. Planes

commercial flying just started a few years before, and that's a movie about the air hostesses at the time, the stewardesses. That's fucking amazing. He plays Mike. Goldie Gets Along. He plays a cafe manager. That looks like a pretty... That's a movie with the chick on the front in a bikini and our our hands on our hips that's a racy film for back then

uh she done him wrong he's in that's starring may west actually is that right yep he plays tout and that um high gear he's in uh playing jake cohen uh picture snatcher he plays a that's james cagney too that's the cagney film the guy with a camera on his shoe yeah that's what i'm saying so we both have the same thought of oh no picture snatcher he's a pool room proprietor then a song of the eagle he plays a detective a deputy plays in manhunt um heroes for sale he plays an angry laundry worker is that back to his asian roots again or what's going on there it is fascinating how how easy it was to get into the movies back then if you were famous you could get into the movies and if you had a name that was something it's another name they could put up there that

might draw a few more people in that's the way they look at it same as now if there's a few more yeah yeah yeah it's really gone back the other way it's very strange he's in torches loud spooker after that what i don't know what that is and i don't want to know it's got a torchy and spook in the thing and so i'm not good i'm worried uh midnight mary he's in next. That sounds like a crazy movie. He's a guard at the Imperial Club. Don't Bet on Love, he plays a hoodlum in that one. And Dr. Bull he plays there. And then later on he's in a movie called Swellhead as Brick Baldwin,

but that doesn't come out until three years later in 1935. But that doesn't come out until three years later in 1935. That year also, 1933, he was asking a friend of his if he could get back into coaching. He wants a job with the Giants. Maybe he can coach possibly. Why? You've got a career as an actor. I don't think he's making a lot of money, though.

Like I said, I think these are friends of his giving him bit parts where he makes a buck here, a buck there. But he wants a steady job. And he knows baseball, so why not but uh it doesn't quite come around they're talking about maybe 1934 maybe spring training but then september 24th 1933 he dies really yeah he dies what now let's see here mike donald famous baseball figure here died of a heart attack at his home today booze 56 years old everything's gotta be he lived like a monster he was out yeah every night he died early 1900s that's what he did yeah imagine what this man ate before he drank all that think about he's a full turkey dinner he's gonna have just off on a whim who eats like that and in in early hollywood it's not it wasn't then what it is today. No.

It wasn't elegant and fucking. Big stars made a lot of money. Nobody else did. That was the way it worked. And there was gross shit there. Oh, God, it was really gross. Yeah. And if you were drinking like a fish back then, especially like in the late 1800s, he drank all through prohibition.

So he's drinking fucking bathtub booze, poison. Who knows what he's got in him? They said Donovan had been in ill health for several years yeah physicians described his ailment as quote athletic heart what he used it too much literally his heart got worn out from exercising too much they called it athletic heart rather than drank every night heart he used up all his beats that's all he used up his pumps that's what happens he's out of pumps athletic heart they used to call it that's why people would like not try not to exercise too much back then because they thought your heart would run out of beats athletic heart which is probably just athletes always die early because they drank like

fucking monsters all the time so they go what's that athletic heart again wow um she he's still married by the way to rita ross at the time yep he's still married um his new york son obituary said quote he had color and swagger he was rough tough and profane but likable he wore his cap here's the same line wore his cap at a belligerent angle over one ear had a plug a plug of tobacco in his jaw. He was the most picturesque player of the time and the baseball idol of Manhattan. He was scrappy, fiery, the Babe Ruth of his time. Wow.

Big stuff. Yeah. He's been cremated here, but his plot is at the, where is this, West Long Branch, Monmouth, New Jersey. Really? Glenwood Cemetery. He is cremated. His grave picture is right pictures right here too it's a little tiny fucking thing michael michael joseph donlon little on the ground rectangle a lot of time in jersey huh turkey mike babes yeah that's it they were living in new york at the time his wife so maybe they lived in jersey and played for new york too that's possible yeah

that that's possible too they might have lived outside and a lot of people did that in the burbs there so he this is a guy who as huge of a star as he was both in films and on the baseball field he's a huge star never heard of him most people don't know this fucking guy which is so crazy his story's wild he's drinking carousing yeah we didn't kill anybody we didn't get to that and people go there's a lot of sports in this one or whatever it's fucking funny it's a comedy show and we just did a show about an old-timey guy who's hilarious so he knew drew barrymore's family for christ's sake don't worry someone will rape somebody next week we'll get it

i promise you i swear to god we'll have a horrible person next week with a with a wet dick that doesn't deserve it trust me so um the san jose giants who are the single a affiliate of the san francisco giants uh have a barbecue and picnic area and call it turkey mike's barbecue named after him oh that's fantastic he was a giant because he won world series with the giants back then and shit so he's one of the first big giant stars and that everybody is turkey mike donlin wow and a fun old timey story that we don't get to do very often just they should make a movie after that guy that's fantastic this guy's life is fucking wild story yeah he's married to two starlets he's in movies he's known everybody railroaded and his parents died that way that's fucking right there's enough in a movie called Railroad and his parents died that way. That's fucking right. There's enough for a movie. That's plenty.

This is the type of guy like with him, you just, he's got so much going on. Like he's like a six degrees of Kevin Bacon type of guy. He would be the Kevin Bacon of his time. Like I guarantee you between baseball movies and all that shit, like he's the through line to everybody. Like there's just, you could get to him by degree three or four every time back in the day. I mean, he was probably a big deal in New York anyway. Did business with people somewhere there.

Then he translates from New York to LA. That's fucking unbelievable. That's where Hollywood is, where he ended up dying in Hollywood. That's where he died in California. So there you go. That's Turkey Mike. And if you like that show, tell the world about it.

Get on whatever app you're listening on, whether it's Apple Podcasts, Audible, whatever you got. Give us five stars. Say something nice. Talk about how you want to be Diamond Dick and the Wackstick. And it's all good. Do that. Definitely head over to ShutUpAndGiveMeMurder.com. Tickets to live shows for Small Town Murder, September 8th, Atlanta, September 9th, Charlotte.

Still some tickets left there. Pretty much everything else is sold out all the way up until December 2nd in Dallas where there are tickets left for that one. So get your tickets to all of those. And you definitely want to get your tickets for October the 26th virtual live show for Small Town Murder. It's going to be available for a week after that. It's Halloween week. We'll do a Halloween-themed show. We're going to be available for a week after that. It's Halloween week. We'll do a Halloween theme show. We're going to dress up and do a gross story.

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Hear about people's stupid reviews and hear us make fun of them because that's what it is. And it's everything under the sun you can make fun of from products to places to people to things. It's going to be awesome. So I can't wait for you guys to hear that every Monday morning starting on September the 18th. You want to follow us on social media, we are at Crime and Sports on Twitter and Facebook. We are at Small Town Murder on Instagram and Threads. So check that out there. You definitely want Patreon.

Speaking of Patreon, my goodness, patreon.com slash crimeinsports. That's where you get all the bonus stuff. Anybody $5 a month or above, literally change from your couch, one cup of coffee anybody five dollars a month or above literally change from your couch one cup of coffee five dollars a month gets you not only a whole big back catalog of a couple hundred bonus episodes that are available nowhere else but patreon and never have been for that matter but in addition to that every other week you are going to get new episodes one crime and

sports one small town murder this week is no different for crime and sports this week we're going to talk about the history of celebrity boxing it's fantastic what the hell whose idea was that who said let's get a one-hit wonder and a and a washed up sitcom star and have them beat the shit out of each other on tv with oversized gloves on whose idea was that why does this happen right i don't think he ever did it, right? We'll talk all about it. I think so. Tons of, so many people have done it. We'll talk about the most ridiculous ones and just some history of celebrity boxing.

Then for Small Town Murder, this is going to be so much fun. We're going to talk about why was it so dangerous to be in your house in Victorian times. Yeah. Late 1800s, early 1900s, it was so dangerous. Everything had poison and strychnine in it the strychnine looked just like the baking soda it was fucking nuts and then at the same time bathrooms exploded like crazy why did you have exploding bathrooms we'll talk all about it there's no relaxing in the bathroom you'd be on your toes in there at all times so we'll talk about all of that patreon.com

slash crime and sports but right now it is time to hear the names of the most wonderful goddamn people on the earth jimmy i love these people they have done nothing but right by us hit me with the names of the people that we wish we could do more than just say their name hit me with them now this week's executive producers are lily cussens uh brianna vandemark uh kweg thanks Kyle Jewel Sherrington congratulations on being engaged Jewel Lisa knew

oh look at you Lisa knew she'd marry that fucker that's what she said Lisa said it congrats she called it good for you Lisa

Mario DiCiccio Susanna Platt she said that about 14 other guys first Lisa don't know shit don't tell him Brad Sewell happy birthday Brad good for, happy birthday, Brad.

Good for you. Happy birthday. Other producers this week are Ogie Oglethorpe and Clarence Scrimming of Buffalo Swamp Town. Some slap shot shit. That's that. She eats pussy. She eats pussy. You feel shame and then you get free.

Sorry, go ahead. Thomas Smith, Peyton Meadows, Amanda Buchenshain. Buching-hang? Buchenshine. Rabbi Shmuelovich and his new tricycle, Norman Bunce, Mutt and Jeff. Is that a cartoon, right? It's an old cartoon. Yeah.

I remember that one. Cartoon. Mikey in Connecticut. Mikey, good for you, buddy. Mikey! Stick with it. Whoa! Ian Elliott, Dale Crawford, Josh Grande.

Grande. Yep. Big old Grande. Grande, yep. Big old Josh. Josh, Jeff, Jeff Padgett. Elvira S., Chris DeWaters, Candice Ewart-Braden, Braden Phillips, Rosemary Goler, Goliay, I don't know, Danielle Shepard, Holy T, Hello T-Rex, Hello T-Rex. All right. Braden with no last name. Michael Andronauts, Andronowitz, Andronowitz, Andronex. All right. Brayden with no last name. Michael Andronauts. Andronowitz.

Andronowitz. All right. Sharon. Sherrod. Sherrod Allen. Glenn Walters. Dr. Joshua C. Poole. Joanne Kent.

Alice C. Chris Watney. Yep. Ashley. Ashley Palmer. Brandy with no last name. Laura Lason. Leighton. No, it's Lason.

Zach Tate. Kevin Rosenberger. Moisty McMoistface.lene palmer uh dr vader laura black jackson maddox jacob barnes heather montague yep uh yeah what was the other one uh montagues and what plagues what were they i don't know all right it's from fucking shakespeare isn't it monague monty and capulets capulets preston redden jennifer randall joshua fields josh shackleford jess with no last name hayley wilson jason uh gully shanna with no last name tamika pendergraft dalton stanky stonky stop all right uh christy Christy Milden, Caitlin Larson, Althea Wundler, Selby, Jay Cargill, 1974, Astros, 1722, Jennifer Johnson, Emmett Hortath, Alicia Mason, Brandon Lung, Tatum, Tatum Thompson, Rachel, oh boy, Bianucci, Bianucci, boy. Bianucci. Bianucci. Bianucci. Leslie. I'm Bianucci.

It feels like the song that, what's this fuck saying? You know what I'm talking about? Fucking David Cross. Oh, yeah. Feels like a word. I'm Bianucci. I'm Bianucci. I'm Bianucci. Bianucci.

Bianucci. Bianucci. Bianucci. Leslie Dorn. Adam. Christ. God damn it. Adam Kane. Adam. Christ. God damn it. Adam Kane.

Brenda Brockway. Kate with no last name. Fran Dingle. Heidi Gager. Daisy G. John Fisher. Carson with no last name. Don Garrison.

See ya. See ya. Kenyon. Shanna Wright. Josh Green. Jason Green. God damn it. Claire McMahon.

Brian. Brian Papa Grubb. Grubb, Grubb, Jenna Lemke, Christina, I was on a roll, Christina Marrera. You had it. Lindy Devante, Quentin McElroy. Nope, that's Elmer. Oh, it's Quentin Elmore. Revis, John Manek, Trent Johnston, James Lowe, Amy Keim, Jessica Willows, Tristan Donovan, Catherine Stain,

Kelsey Simmons, Megan Thompson, Victoria McKenzie, Logan Rash, Jennifer Tessier, Jeremy McDonald, Garrett oh fuck, Kemlaus? There's no way. Sorry Garrett. Laurie Hill, Melanie, what's her name? David DeCant, Mlouse? There's no way. Fuck. Sorry, Garrett. Laurie Hill. Melanie with no last name.

David DeCant. Amanda Grace. No, he can. David DeCant. He absolutely can. You certainly can, David. I believe in you, David. Kristen Rumery.

Becca Yeemans. Yeah, man. Katie Meyer-Dager. Carla Dawson. Kristen Castro. Mary Almquist. Dixon Cunts. Carla Dawson. Kristen Castro. Mary Almquist. Dixon Cunts. Are you proud of yourself, you dirty fuck?

Daniel Carlson. Shake. Shakey. Shacky. Shake, probably. Degousey. That's probably a fucking typo. I apologize.

Jessica Wright. Matthew Lindley. Nobody's named Shake, right? Maybe there is. Brandon Legassi. Legassi. Legassi. Big Ben never touched those women.

You're out of your fucking mind where there's smoke, there's fire. Mike with no last name. Nisha G. Daniel 23. Perry Johnson. Amelia Kelly. Rachel Mark. Felicia.

Dave's sister from another mother. All right. Liam Curtis Moore. Madison. Oh, Consolato. It's got to be Consolato. I can't tell you names. The death of Jimmy.

It's fucking ridiculous. Laysbit. Laysbit? Nice. Laysbit? Nice. Maybe a little bit. Kristen Canera.

Jay Manns. Cassidy Rondell. Mowell. Mowell. Mooley? Oh, can't say that. Mitchell. No, it's definitely not that.

Mr. Mitchell. Mrs. Mitchell? i don't know ah well i want to die m-o-u-l-i what is that i get it i get it i get why you said it i know you showed it but i'm like oh no sue saddlemeyer all right jack with no last name colleen with no last name hope a stacy turner delphor malley malley delphor with no last name. Hope A. Stacey Turner. Delphor. Mowly. Mowly. Delphor with no last name. Taylor Howard.

Marcus Gines. Gines. Gines. Nicole Slocan. I think so. Cam Anderson. Carrie Anderson. Tessa Rodriguez.

Drake. The only one. Nope. There's several of you. Sarah Terry. Allie Ann. Dennis Quinn. Gretchen Stahl.

Xavier Reed. Kristen. Christina. Lamb. Shelly Radecki, Robert Nelson, Elias, Elias Nipples. What? All right. Kyle O'Rourke, Nathan Thompson, Cassandra Lee, SCRBMK11. No way except for spelling it. Yeah. one no way except for pronouncing it yeah uh lindsey carr crystal munoz tofer fisher thomas crisp k k k lean k lean g ed carrick brenda davy dan jeter michelle with no last name catherine with no last name tommy nope that's tanya guling uh gulling maybe alexis stinson amy kimbrough sean o'leary cynthia kramer, Stephen Watts, Emma would know last name, Jennifer Buell, Waylon would know last name, Maslin Mueller, Matthew McDonald,

Cassandra would know last name, Joshua Wayne Warren, Sarah Taylor, Maddie Lee, Joe Smith, Rebecca Nicole, Charlotte Lindsay, Emily would know last name, William Smalley, Tara Claghorn, Jeff Niffer, Alexandra Chico, Space Mouse, Mara Fields, Luke Bozovsky, Mike Powell, Tessa Reza, Reza, Reza, oh, Reza, no fucking way. Reza Kamal, Reza, oh, I'm not saying that. You want to say it again, Joe? Not doing it. Good God. The bait is there.

The trap is set. Carissa Rowell, I think. Maureen Marshall. Tyler Hartwig. How are there two and one? Raquel with no last name. Scott Houts. Brady with no last name.

Bonnie Gadiant. Barb Wiley. Tim Varela. Heather Rabichow. Rabichow. Steer86 Regina Gar Ellen McCormick

Terry Hunter Aaron Berthold Sarah George Patrick Pickett Victoria would know last name Tracey Bartkowski Jamie would know last name Kristen Emerson

Aaron Johnson Kevin Demeter Amy D would know last name Lynn Stadler Samantha Samantha with no last name, Jessica Richards, Matthew Anderson, Jackie Butler, and every fucking patron of this show. You're incredible. Thank you.

Thank you, everybody. You wonderful, wonderful bastards. We appreciate the hell out of you. Thanks for all that you do for us. Hope you're loving the bonus material. We love making them. That's like a whole other show for us over there. So we have a fucking great time. Thanks for everything you do for us hope you're loving the bonus material we love making them that's like a whole other show for us over there so we have a fucking great time thanks for everything you do for us if you want to say thank you or you don't have to say thank you because just you can listen

and that's thank you enough but if you want to get a hold of us at any time on social media you can find us very easily at shut up and give me murder.com there's links to everything there keep coming back keep seeing us listen to small Murder. Listen to your stupid opinions. Get Patreon. Do some shit and hang with us. Live from the Crime and Sports studios, we'll see you next week. Bye.

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