Crime in Sports - #62 - Hard Time For A Hard Man - The Inexplicableness of Peter Storey

Episode Date: April 4, 2017

This week, we check out the tale of a man that seemed to make the wrong choice, at every turn, even if it defied all logic, or his own best interests. He went from being feared by all that he played against, to being feared for his erratic, and dangerous behavior. It's a fall from grace, that just keeps falling... and becoming more hilarious! Kick an injured man, crank up the fake gold machine, and smuggle something in from Holland with Peter Storey!! Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman New episodes every Tuesday!!Please subscribe, rate, and review!Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Head to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things Crime in Sports!For merchandise: crimeinsports.threadless.comCheck out James and Jimmie's other show: Small Town Murder Follow us on social media!Facebook: facebook.com/crimeinsportsInstagram: instagram.com/smalltownmurderTwitter: twitter.com/MurderSmall Contact the show: [e-mail] on Patreon: patreon.com/crimeinsportsPayPal: paypal.me/crimeinsports See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. Each week on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, strange, dark, and mysterious stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome back to Crime and Sports. Yay! The yay is well warranted this weekend.

So exciting. It's well warranted. My name is James Petrogallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. We have got a tale for you today, boy. Boy, do we. I have to tell you guys first, though.

Thank you guys for your iTunes reviews this week. That means a lot to us. It really does. Thank you so, so much. He's not kidding. It's huge. It really means the world to us. Please, if you haven't done it yet, please get on there.

Give us five stars. Tell us you're following instructions, following directions. Tell us whatever you want. We really don't care. The five stars are the helpful thing. That's what matters. Our other podcast, Small Town Murder, which you should be listening to. It's crushing us.

If you like this, then you should listen to that, too. But they have already, we're in our 11th, we just released our 11th episode there. We're on episode 62 right now, and that already has more iTunes reviews than Crime and Sports. That's crazy. So guys, represent the Crime and Sports movement. Show these small-town murder people what is up, and do it up even though they're both awesome.

Tell them we mean business. And while you're at it, give us five stars for small-town murder, too. That'd be helpful. Do that. That'd be terrific. And one other thing, too, I want to plug. We will be, Jimmy and myself,

the two of us, the Crime and Sports boys, will be at the Tempe Improv April 6th and 7th not doing the podcast doing stand up that is this week doing stand up will be opening for Dan Cummins who is hilarious and you want to see him also you should check his podcast time suck out which is really really

fun should we tell them the surprise right now yes let's go ahead and do it we're going to be on the podcast that week we're going to tape an episode with Dan here at the studio and then it'll come out, I don't know, probably the following week, maybe the week after. I don't know. Keep an eye out for Time Suck. It's coming up. And check it out.

We're going to be on it with Dan Cummins. He's fantastic. He's a great person. He's one of my friends. He's with James' friends. It's going to be such a great time. We're going to have a blast. So come out and see us do some stand-up and then listen to the podcast a week later.

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to us. It's a mess. Yeah. By the way, last week, what'd you think of last week? He is a mess. Yes. It's a mess. Yeah. By the way, last week. What'd you think of last week? He was a mess too. He was. Last week, hard body Harrison there. What the fuck? That was some deep shit.

Jesus. Once you guys all saw the pictures of him with the blonde cornrows and everything, you're like, I could see pimp in that. Yeah. I could see a little pimp going on there. Looks like he's got a heavy pimp hand. Oh, heavy pimp hand. Heavy.

Pimp hand is strong. He plays it like a straight flush, that pimp hand. Let me tell you something. So tonight, though, we're going completely different. Completely different. This is when you get to have fun with us because this is some shit we know nothing about, which are a lot of people tell us my favorite episodes are the ones where you guys don't know what the hell you're talking about for some reason. And especially the British episodes where you don't know shit about England also. We make all sorts of ignorant American statements.

Can we do that this week? That's what we're doing tonight, guys. We are doing some shit we know nothing about. We're doing a soccer player, a footballer. But we're going to say soccer guy. I know in England they're going to be, it's football. It's football. We get it.

It's original. Most of our listeners are in the U.S. and we're going to confuse the shit out of them if we keep saying football. Let's not do that. If they tune in a little late, they come in, they don't pay attention to the first 10 minutes, and they're like, what the hell is he doing kicking balls? We don't need that.

So we're going to not—no confusion here. We're going to get right into our football player, our soccer player. Our soccer star. He is Peter Story. All right. Peter Story is a very famous guy over in the U.K. They know him. He had some soccer glory, and then he had some really, really fun downfall.

We'll talk about all of it. It's Peter Edwin's story. He's not a junior, luckily for him. His middle name is his dad's name, though. It's borderline. You kind of got it. It's borderline. He just had to insert a drop of asshole in there. It's like he had a whole

thing of white paint and he put one red drop and swirled it around. He's like, I can see a touch of pink now. I can see it. That's all it was. He's born September 7th, 1945. All right. Same birthday as my daughter.

Look at that. Well, let's hope she doesn't turn out like this. Very good. He's born in Farnham, Surrey in England, which is Southeast England, basically. It's about an hour, a little over an hour outside of London. So it's, you know, whatever. It's suburbs, I would say, would be the best way to put that. He's not a huge guy.

He's 5'9". Okay. When he grows up. But as a kid, his father, like we said, Edwin, same as who shares his middle name. Right. He shares his dad's first name, was a carpenter. His mother, Nellie, was a shop assistant. Just a blue collar, nice family.

Yeah. I mean, that sounds fine. Growing up in the burbs of London there, I don't know, an hour outside of London. Father would take Peter to the recreation ground, which is a 7,100-seat soccer stadium. Wow. Which is like a little cool. That sounds like a nice, intimate little— 7,100 is a little one?

Yeah, for a stadium. That's pretty impressive. 7,100? 7,100? That's a lot. They draw 50,000 for these matches. They draw more than that. I'm just thinking in terms of just playing out there just by yourself.

Oh, no, no, no. This isn't to play. This is to watch. Oh, okay. Recreation ground sounds like it's a park. What if dad just throws a ball out there? That dad would be my hero. That'd be a great park.

A little league stadium with 7,100 seats. No, this is a smaller league soccer team that they're going to see called Aldershot. That's who they're going to see as a kid. He takes them there, and Peter falls in love with soccer at a young age. He loves it. Aldershot, this is pretty funny, too. Aldershot did a little research on the team themselves, and Aldershot had been around since 1926, which is pretty old.

During the 1992 season, they went bankrupt and folded in the middle of the season, which I find hilarious. I love doing this. They got 70 years in, and they're like, no more. No more. We can't do it. In the middle of the season, too. They're like, we can't even finish.

We're done. We're so shitty, no one will even lend us money to finish the season. That's how bad it was. That'd be like the Cowboys just quitting in week nine. Quitting, except this isn't exactly the Cowboys. But yeah, just a team going, well, we're folding. We don't have enough. It's like the USFL teams did that.

Like, shit, we got to merge with Arizona. We don't know what else to do. Season's over. Season's over. So like I said, they folded. This is the first team since 1966 that did that. And there's 100,000 teams over there. First team.

It's the first team since 66 that did that. That was Accrington Stanley was the team that went out in 66. I did research because I don't know shit. We're going to tell you guys right up front. Me, and I know I can speak for you on this, Jimmy. We don't know a fucking thing about soccer. We don't. And I played it.

How embarrassing is that? Yeah, that wouldn't allow you to know the Premier League setups and things like that. But you might know the rules better than I do. Yeah, a little bit better. I never played it. But you still don't know a fucking thing though, right? No. No, no.

When's the last time you played organized soccer? 2001. 2001? Yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ, really? I was going to say. I thought you were going to say. I was an adult.

I was an adult. I had hair on my chest. I thought you were going to say, I don't know, I was eight. No. My parents stopped taking me. I was old enough to buy beer, and I quit. What the hell were you doing? I know.

Why were you running around a soccer field for the first time? I have no fucking idea. It was 2002, because I was old enough to buy beer. We were buying beer at the field. Why were you running around a soccer field for the first time? I have no fucking idea. It was 2002 because I was old enough to buy beer. We were buying beer at the field. Was this something you had an aptitude for as a child? This was a girl I was making sweet, sweet love to. Her brother was like, hey, I'm playing at a beer league. Want to play?

I was like, beer? Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, okay. And I got my ass kicked up and down that field. I threw up every fucking game. Of course you did. There was so much running. Because soccer is just running. It's running. Because soccer is just running.

It's ridiculous. Soccer is just running. It is so stupid. There's a reason why an American football, now sorry guys, I know you're going to say it's stupid

and you guys are all pissed off. You're just fucking running around for three fucking hours. I'm sorry. To end a game 1-0. Okay. At least in football. It drives me bananas.

Huge field in football, American football, but they like stop every play. Only one guy might run 80 yards. Everyone else stands there and watches. That's how it works. This is just everybody running in circles at all times. Always.

It's basketball put on a giant field. And you don't know the frustration and pain when you run that whole field. You've got like a numbers break. You're almost to the goal, and then you kick a screwy pass, and then that fucking goalie boots it all the way back down the field, and you're like, I just ran from there, you asshole. Not only that, there's another 20 minutes before we're going to get the goddamn ball back down here now, because he's going to have to kick it to him and roll around.

It's so far. It's a mess. It's a horrible thing to do. It sucks. To play soccer. But some people love it, including now we've offended the entire rest of the world. I'm sorry, you guys. That game is so hard.

We're looking at this from a very ignorant American standpoint of just going, why the fuck are they running around so much? That looks awful. That's all it is. We're lazy. I run on the treadmill for 20 minutes a night, and I'm just like, why am I doing this? My chest burns.

And people do that shit for fun. All the time. Let me ask you a question. Was this all white dudes in the league? No. A lot of Mexican guys. These Spanish fellas, they are fucking vicious. Yeah, Mexican dudes.

You're not going to come into soccer as like a 22-year-old person and just jump on a field with a bunch of Mexican dudes and not get your ass kicked by them. Forearms and tripping. Oh, God. It's not some dude named Trevor whose parents paid for him to play soccer and he apologizes for running into you. No. There's a dude named Hector with a fucking blade in his play soccer, and he apologizes for running into you. No. There's a dude named Hector with a fucking blade in his fucking shin guard, and he can't

wait to push you down. Absolutely, and that's what you did. So good for you, Jimmy. They are so mean. Everybody that plays it. And for all of that, you've accrued zero knowledge. So good job there. That's excellent.

I get drunk a lot. That's good. At least you got drunk a lot, but you're not going to help with this anyway. Neither of us are going to know what we're talking about. So early on, he became a fan of Arsenal, the team. Because they're very good. Yeah. If you're not from the UK, which most of you aren't, basically, Arsenal, from what I looked

up, I did a lot of research on Arsenal, they appear to be like the Yankees of soccer. They had a huge past. They won, it was like the 30s. They won like six championships or whatever it is. I don't remember. They're like the Chicago Bulls of the 90s of soccer. They're amazing. But I mean like storied wise.

Yeah. An old franchise who's been winning titles for 100 years. They constantly win. They seem like the Yankees of soccer. Tons of championships. The club is estimated at being worth $2 billion at this point. Which makes it the second most valuable in the Premier League. That was a Forbes estimate from last year.

What's number one? I don't know because I didn't care at all. I'm going to guess Manchester. Probably Manchester United, I would think. But like I said, we don't know shit. Maybe it's fucking Argentina. It might be a team that we've never heard of. We have no idea.

It might be Brazil. My knowledge is limited of soccer to shit that Peter Story, Gavin Grant, or Marlon King had anything to do with. That's my knowledge of soccer. I've never looked at it again. And now we've got this one. And now, that's what I said, Peter Story. I know what he was in touch with. And I don't know if his team, if he played on the first most valuable team, I would know.

Second one, that's all I know. The current chairman of this team has probably the most English name I've ever heard in my life. All right. And I really, he is like the Mon English name I've ever heard in my life. All right. And I really – he is like the Monopoly guy except with an English accent. Awesome. He has to wear a monocle. He has to. His name is Sir Chips Keswick.

Sir Chips. Sir Chips Keswick. Plural. Chips. Sir Chips sounds like a monkey in a movie that the queen accidentally knighted. Or the mascot of Lays. It's ridiculous. I could see the front of a video box in the 90s with Sir Chips, and it's got a chimp with a crown on it.

You know what I mean? He's like, hey. It's got a purple robe and a crown. Behind the wheel of a car or something. Yeah, Sir Chips. Sir Chips Kestwick. That's his name. That's the owner of the-

He's got a wick in there, too. Oh, boy. It's all sorts of British, man. That's as British as you get. He's got Sir. Jesus. That's his name. That's the owner of the- He's got a wick in there, too. Oh, boy. It's all sorts of British, man. That's as British as you get. It really is. He's got sir in it. That's crazy. Sir Chips.

I want to know if that's birth given, or he was actually knighted from the queen, and that's how he got that sir. I don't know how you attain a sir. I know the queen does it. The queen gives you the sir title. I feel like other people can do it, too. I'm not sure. Can you vote on that? I don't know. I know too. I'm not sure. Can you vote on that?

I don't know. I know people who name their dog that. Can Parliament vote on that? My dog is a baron, so whatever. We're going to sir this guy. Are we sirring him or not? We're sirring everybody. We're sirring him.

Come on in, guys. Come on down. It's a fire sale on sir. Everybody, come down to Parliament. It's a sir sale. More sirs than you can shake a stick at. Bring your dog down. We'll sir him up. We don't give a shit. Come on down, everybody. We'll sir your baron. Let's It's a sir sale. More sirs than you can shake a stick at. Bring your dog down. We'll sir him up.

We don't give a shit. Come on down, everybody. We'll sir your baron. Let's go. Parliament sir time. Sir day down at Parliament. So anyway, he shows soccer promise at an early age. He's very good at an early age.

At age 11, he starts being coached by a former Aldershot player, which probably was exciting for him. A guy named Charlie Mortimer. I used to watch you. That's crazy. I used to watch him. Not a lot of information on Charlie Mortimer, who played for a low-level English soccer team in the 1950s. Story used to watch him. That's pretty incredible.

But he watched him, and he must have been impressive. I wanted to find something, whatever. He plays for the English schoolboys team, which is the national 16 and under team at that point, which I checked that out a little bit too. Schoolboy terms. Schoolboy terms. Exactly. Gavin Grant. Now we know what that is for that.

I'm on board. Well, there's also schoolboy terms for the teams. Okay. Kind of how they bring, because they have like an apprentice system. We'll get into this whole thing. It's very, very, very interesting actually. Silver haired, middle aged white men dominating this. Everywhere, I'm sure.

Yeah. Oh my God. They take just kids in their mid teens and just buy them. Jesus. And bring them to play soccer. They just I'm sure, yeah. Oh my God, they take just kids in their mid-teens and just buy them. Bring them to play soccer. Soccer is like their college fucking just, they make so much money off of them I imagine. Well, it's weird because like hockey in Canada, they can pull

them out. Are they 14? Sign them up. They're pros. It doesn't matter. They play hockey. That's all that's important. And there it's that. In America, we keep making laws to like force kids to stay out of leagues longer. In basketball, we made it so you have to have a year of college. In America, we keep making laws to force kids to stay out of leagues longer. In basketball, we made it so you have to have a year of college. In football, you have to be three years removed from high school. Like all these baseball you don't have to.

There's so many kids right now that are about to be in the Final Four this weekend. And they have spent their entire seven-month career of college, and it's over. Because they're in the Final Four. They can't wait to go make millions. They didn't even want to do that. They were forced to. They really didn't want to. If they would have just entered the draft, they would have.

Trust me. There's never going to be another Kevin Garnett. No. Absolutely. Kobe, all those guys. So at age 15, this is 1961-ish, early 61, late 60, he captains the Hampshire school team, which is the school that he goes to, I guess. He plays for the English schools against Ireland. They do their national deal. I guess that was the Hampshire school team, which is the school that he goes to, I guess. He plays for the English schools against Ireland.

They do their national deal. I guess that was the English schoolboy team. The town is very proud of him. Of course. Comes from a little town over there, and he's starting to get notoriety as far as he's a good player that teams are starting to get interested in. Oh, boy. At 15, this is what they do. They come sniffing around early.

They're like Dominicans over here. It's weird. It's like a whole country of white Dominicans, this team. This country, it's insane. That's what they do. They come sniffing around early. They're like Dominicans over here. It's weird. It's like a whole country of white Dominicans, this team. This country. It's insane. That's what they do. They come in and they're just like, he can kick a ball. Why don't we buy him?

Bring him back to where we come from. It's like a kid that can throw. Exactly. It's the same thing. So the teams looking at him are Tottenham, Chelsea. We've heard of Tottenham. We've heard of a couple of these, actually. Tottenham, which just sounds like a pussy team. This sounds like a pussy team name. I'm from Tottenham. Oh, you pussy. Tottenham. We've heard of a couple of these, actually. Tottenham, which just sounds like a pussy team.

Yeah. This sounds like a pussy team name. I'm from Tottenham. Oh, you pussy. Tottenham. Yeah. Who named that? Your mom?

Did your mom name you guys? Ridiculous. Bunch of children. Children. So Tottenham, Chelsea, Southampton, and Luton are all interested in Peter in addition to Arsenal, which makes him very happy. Really? Because Arsenal's into him, and he was into Arsenal.

So this is pretty cool. As a matter of fact, around Easter of 1961, an executive for Arsenal, a guy named George Mail, who was, I don't know who he is, but he would sign children to contracts, apparently. George Mail comes over to 15-year-old Peter's house with his family. They're all excited, too. I mean, this is a big deal. And it's the early 60s, so when anybody came over, you were pretty formal about shit, but his mom baked a cake, and they brought out the best china.

Everybody put on their best clothes, because the guy from Arsenal's coming over. The yellow cake with the white frost. Let's go. Yeah, I mean, he's, like I said, it's a construction worker. You know what I mean? This doesn't happen every day to these people, to have a guy coming over like that. George, who is, like we said, George Male, after some small talk with his parents, basically Peter's just sitting there. He turns to Peter.

And the funny thing is he says this like he's saying it to a little tiny child. He says, you would still like to join us at Arsenal, wouldn't you, Peter? And so doesn't that sound like you'd still like to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap, wouldn't you, little guy? Last night I beat off into a tube sock. Fuck yes, I want to go. Let's do this. Jesus, are you kidding me? Good Lord.eter says of course i would what do i look like here jesus christ i'm trying yeah i there's you probably have girls there are there girls there

oh my god yes i'm there so peter pulls out of school the next day so he's 15 school's over done with school he and his parents go to london the next day to sign the papers for an appra it's an apprenticeship at this point is what they give you. As an apprentice, he'll make seven pounds a week with possible bonuses. That might be good in 1961. Seven pounds a week? 14 bucks a week? It doesn't sound good.

Is it the exchange? Two for every one of those? Well, back then, I don't know. I have no idea what the exchange was. Two for every one of ours? I don't know. They're about 75. We're about 75 cents to their pound right now.

Okay. Their pound is worth more than us. But back then, I don't think it was. I think we were more than them. Yeah. And in 61, who the hell knows the fluctuations of currency 55 years ago. Right. But either way, he makes seven pounds a week with possible bonuses.

He still lives with his parents. This was in the 50s? This is 1961. Okay. So he still lives with his parents. So, I mean, he's got no bills or anything. He's given a 20-pound signing bonus, which, yes, which

he excitedly takes to the bank and opens up an account. He's a very responsible kid. He's got himself a bank account now. He's got a bank account. He's got 20 bucks in there. He's got seven bucks a week coming in. The town's like tripping out. He's going to play for Arsenal as an apprentice. Still, that's foot in the door. That's what you do here. Now, Edwin, his father on the signing, because they asked him, like, tripping out. He's going to play for Arsenal. Yeah. As an apprentice, still, that's foot in the door. Yeah. That's what you do here.

Now, Edwin, his father, on the signing, because they asked him, like, what do you think of your son, you know, pulling out of school at a young age and signing with some team? And he says, quote, Arsenal had always been Peter's favorite team, and I think he's doing the right thing. He has always wanted to be a professional footballer. Well, now he is. What the fuck? Yeah. Why not? Yeah.

Why wouldn't you be happy for your kid? footballer. Well, now he is. What the fuck? Yeah. Why wouldn't you be happy for your kid? Plus, I feel like, too, if you're in a small town in the 60s, you don't see a lot of opportunity. He said his father was a construction worker. There's not a lot of opportunity presented.

Well, family's blue collar. That's what I mean. You don't sit around and go, well, I don't know. He's thinking about going to Harvard, and then he's got a couple of law firms interested in him. They're like, shit, he can go make a few go now go make what I made in the last 10 years go do it you know go be famous go do something with yourself and especially over there this

is you're going to play for the Yankees basically in London it's a big deal playing the sport in the place and so he's very straight laced at this point as an apprentice he's very focused on soccer his teammates go out and party and you know they're kids they focused on soccer. His teammates go out and party, and they're kids. They're under whatever, but they still go out and party,

and he doesn't do any of it. None of it. He's focused. He has a different routine because to even get there, it's a difficult thing for him. He wakes up at 6.30 every morning. He says he has tea and toast. His dad makes him tea and toast.

Well, at 15, what sounds appetizing? You know what I mean? Tea and toast. That sounds delicious. I'd like a hot cup of tea. Beer and weed and Coke don't sound good to a 15-year-old that's focused on sports at the time. That's focused on sports. I don't think there's a lot of 15-year-olds over here that are like, I'd like some tea for breakfast, please.

That's not really happening. But he'd wake up at 6.30 a.m. and he'd take three trains to London. Wow. It sounds like a three-train. That's a hell of a fucking travel time. It's like an hour, 15 minute drive. Yeah. So it's a lot. He would basically do this and he'd barely get there on time

at 10 a.m. Good grief. So this was a huge procedure. He's got a four hour fucking travel from 6.30 in the morning. It's about two and a half hours it took him to get to this all. And he even said like he wouldn't even have been able to afford the train fare except that the team bought him a British Railway pass. Oh, that's nice.

So he could go back and forth. Like a lifetime, he can go wherever he wants. Yeah, a year pass. Transfers are everywhere. Yeah, you can buy one for the easy pass for a toll road back home, that sort of thing. Back home is New York where they have toll roads. They have them out here. I don't know if they have them where you are.

Now, teams would... This is the best part, too. Teams would pretend that the kids were still going to get some form of education because they were like – this is almost like you take – Well, they're going to get education. Well, this is like taking a teen actor and being like, well, we bring tutors to the set. It's like that's not what they're – they're not learning math. They're learning to make money being an actor. That's what they're doing.

But you still have to show silver-haired middle-aged white men still have to act like they're not just buying children for their own uses. They're actually looking out maybe for their futures. Yeah, because if you have a whole team of apprentices, not all of them are going to be great pros. So they might need some backup plan. But a news report here says, quote, when the season starts, Peter will only train in the morning. His afternoons will be spent learning the electrical trade per the terms of his contract. Wow. Yeah. He's got a fucking – like an electrical apprenticeship?ons will be spent learning the electrical trade per the terms of his contract. Wow. Yeah.

He's got a fucking, like an electrical apprenticeship? He's going to learn an electrical trade. That's amazing. That's, well, it's- I mean, it's bullshit, but it's amazing. Yeah, they'd be fine for him. That's a great trade-off if that's what he's actually getting. It's not.

It does not happen like that at all. We have an in their own words on this. In their own words. I will not do a British accent for this, so you can rest assured. In their own words, quote, that prospect certainly at arsenal was laughable the club weren't remotely interested in furthering our education the coaches only wanted to see us developing our skills on the pitch if any of us had gone to college in the afternoons or started to learn to become electricians plumbers or bricklayers it would have been taken as a huge sign of weakness any indication that the individual did not have enough confidence in his ability to make it as a footballer. Which is exactly what you expect.

Yeah, they're going to make fun of you. Of course, you're here for the electrician job. You're not here to play soccer. Well, no, as the team, they look at, that kid's not serious. He doesn't think he's going to make it. He's getting a backup plan so he can maybe not be a complete piece of shit if he doesn't make it well. If he breaks his leg next week, maybe he'll, what, no. And this is the problem here because they take these kids and a lot of times what happens after soccer what happens and back you fucking have nothing and back then you

don't make the type of money you do now they made good money but like we when we did marlon king episode or episode 26 maybe 28 we did marlon king he was making a fortune yeah like a fortune like that guy doesn't need a backup trade. He doesn't need to know anything about electricity whatsoever. He needs to know how to spend shit and hire lawyers. That's all he needs to know how to do. And Ronaldo's out there killing it. I think he's the highest paid athlete in the world right now.

That's what I mean. And he's got retarded statues. Yeah, that was a good statue. Yeah, that was really funny. That looked nothing like him. But he doesn't need a backup plan. No, the statue looked like Alex Rodriguez, which was funny. I was like, was it A-Rod?

With super close together eyes, too. Yeah, it's very A-Rod. Very weird, yeah. It was very odd. Wow, A-Rod plays soccer now. Anyway. But yeah, so these people, they take these kids in and they don't have any skills. Nothing.

So now he's 15 years old. He's dropped out of school. He has no skills. They're pushing him to play soccer only. Shocker. Spoiler alert. That's going to come in to be a big thing later that he has no fucking market that's a problem really amazing right but things are good right now because september of 1962 after being about an apprentice for about a year he signs a professional contract oh now it's a

different story he plays with the arsenals third team. But what I can gather, and I could be wrong. You have three teams? I have no – I could be definitely wrong. Anything I say, I'm going to say from what I could gather because English people are going to be tweeting the shit out of us going, that's wrong, that's wrong. We know it's wrong. I don't know what's right. I don't give a fuck. I'm telling you a story.

Shut up and listen. We'll get the crime part right. We'll get the crime part right. And I swear I – the funny thing is we don't just take it like lightly. We don't just go, well, we don't know shit about soccer. We'll just say we don't know anything. We'll do the crime part right. We'll get the crime part right. And I swear, I try. The funny thing is, we don't just take it like lightly. We don't just go, well, we don't know shit about soccer. We'll just say we don't know anything. I really, really, really do my best to look into shit and figure it out. This episode took me twice as long to prepare as normal episodes.

Because it's soccer. Because I don't know what's happening. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know people. Because I'm going to mention this guy said that. I've never heard of that person. I don't know who it is. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know people because I'm going to mention this guy said that. I've never heard of that person. I don't know who it is. I don't know.

But you all may love him. You may have a. That's what I mean. You may have a jersey of his. It's like the Mark Session story. The murder ruins a garden party. People loved him. I didn't understand. I didn't know anything about rugby.

It took me 50 hours that week to put together that story. I didn't know who he was. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't know anything about rugby either. took me 50 hours that week to put together that story. So many people knew who he was. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't know anything about rugby either. So this is the same thing. I spent so much time on soccer and this is the third time now I've really studied soccer. I'm starting to get it a little bit. You'll probably tell me I'm not. I think I'm getting some shit down here. They had three teams.

Three teams. Jesus. He signs with a third team. It seems like a minor league structure. In the major leagues of baseball, you have the major league team. You have triple A, single A, double A, and a bunch of, you know, whatever, rookie ball teams and shit like that. This seems like that. The third team is kind of like the 18 and under. Oh, okay.

It's like the kids. It's the pop Warner. It's the next level. Yeah, it's rookie ball, basically. You come from being an apprentice, and now you're going to go play with other kids so you don't get your head torn off by crazy adults. Right. Back then, this is a rough game, by the way.

Oh, I'm sure. Soccer's changed a lot, and it's still pretty rough. Yeah, it can be. But back then, it was- But they kind of made fun of for being pussies. Yeah, well, back then- With the wet willy. Did you see that?

Yeah, yeah. A guy actually gave a guy a wet willy, and he rolled around the ground like he was dying. That's amazing. It's ridiculous. This basically is- these people are crazy. Yeah. There's amazing. It's ridiculous. This basically is... These people are crazy. There's a bunch of psychopath drunks running around knocking the shit out of each other.

This is wild. I'm telling you. A different game back then. You had to be really tough to survive, basically. So, it's 18 and under. This third team is... I can't get over the kid thing. I just can't get over... It's just like a jar of kids we're saving for later. Like, no, I don't want it.

I'll save that for later. Not quite. Unbelievable. So I guess you try to make your way up the teams. I don't know. But he does. He makes his way up the teams. He makes it.

October 30th, 1965. He makes his big team debut. Oh, boy. Debut. He's on the Arsenal. The real deal. He's actually playing. He really is.

20 years old. That's crazy. 20 years old. And he's living his dream. That's awesome. Terrific. Good for him. Right. The big team. He's actually playing. He really is. 20 years old. That's crazy. 20 years old, and he's living his dream. That's awesome. This is terrific. Good for him, right? The big team, it's a debut against, God, somebody told us, Leicester.

I don't know how you say it. How do you spell it? It's L-E-I-C-E-S-T-E-R. I've been told. Leicester. That's what we said last time, but I think someone argued with us about it and said it's Leicester. Or Leicester, it's pronounced. Oh, I remember.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's Leicester. Guess what, cocksuckers, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's Leicester. Guess what, cocksuckers? Leicester City, go fuck yourselves. I don't care. I so don't. You don't know how fucking much I research. I don't care about this part.

Fuck this. No, I don't even feel bad about it. I don't even feel bad. I don't care. So the newspaper, fuck them. This is so exciting. Newspaper said that he did a great job in his debut, a 20-year-old kid. I guess they said that he was very promising.

They said he played against a guy named Jackie Sinclair, which you might know who he is. I don't fucking know. Apparently, he was a very clever, cagey, crafty opponent. And Peter held him at bay. Held him at bay. Stuck with him. I guess it's like telling Americans. It's like saying that a rookie cornerback really shut down a good wide receiver that day.

I think that's what you're saying. I'm into that. He's like, oh, he shut down Calvin Johnson. He's retired. I don't know. He shut down Antonio Bryant really well. Good for him. He plays the remaining 29 games of the season with Arsenal.

So they keep him up. He must have had a pretty impressive first game. That's a hero. That's great, man. The team was awful that year, which might explain why. That might be why. They were so bad that their manager got fired. They were just above relegation. What does that mean? Okay, let's get into relegation.

See, this is what I'm saying. I don't have time to look at how you fucking pronounce Leicester because I have to figure out what relegation is. And that's a bummer, too, when you get to that point in the story and you're like, oh, they were terrible. They were this, they were that. At one point, what the fuck? Now I've got to research this.

I'm like, this is easy relegation. Oh, no. God damn it. This is going to take me two hours. Shit. I hate it when there's a new door open. I'm like, can't you just kill someone and get it over with so I can document it? Relegation.

Relegation means? So relegation is, and I really wish they would do this in every sports league. This is cool as fuck. What you do is there's a certain amount of teams that are in the league. There's a million soccer teams. Yeah, there is. There's a million levels. There's so many.

There's leagues and levels and there's Premier League. And then we went down last time on the different leagues of soccer. And now they got it here. Totally. But basically what they do is if you're terrible, you get kicked out of Premier League that year. And where you are, what league you are in is based completely on performance. Wow. Completely on performance.

So you could have three of your teams that were in the Premier League that year. Next year, they're not in the league anymore. Wow. They're in the second tier, and then the second tier teams are in the Premier League. How badass is that? And if you go up and move down, it'd be great. The Cleveland Browns would be in fucking league queue by now. We'd have like the Raleigh Bulls playing where they should be.

The Cleveland Browns would be playing in a fucking parking lot in Dayton right now. That's where they would be. They wouldn't even have a field anymore. That's awesome. But that's pretty cool. They do that. So luckily for Arsenal, they'd never end up in relegation. But this is a thing that goes back and forth, and that's kind of like exciting.

You can root for a second-tier team that can actually go and end up being in the first league competing with – that's wild. That's incredible. It's pretty cool. I really do wish that other sports did that. You'd have to have 4,000 teams, though, and that doesn't really work. I mean, if you put all college basketball in with the NBA and then the Toronto Raptors play UNLV next week, that'd be badass. I'd watch that. That would be badass. Except, yeah'd watch that. That would be badass.

Except, yeah, it's different, though, for college basketball. Basketball is just physical domination. Because that's a certain age and it quits. Right. It's just a team is going to crush a college. But, yeah, I would love it if, like, you know, yeah, that'd be good. I don't know. You can't get enough football players to do it either.

But still, let's try. Let's try this. In baseball, let's try it. That would work. That's it. Because there's 30-year-old dudes playing in the AAAs, I'm sure. Tampa Bay Rays, you know, make it this year. The Scranton Wilkes-Barre Red Barons are taking your fucking place.

Sorry. Moving up. Whoever Tim Tebow's playing for, they're playing in the majors now. They're coming up. Let's do it. Tidewater Tides. Let's do it. That's it.

You're replacing the Cleveland fucking Indians now. Sorry, I almost said Browns again. I know. Well, they played in the World Series last year, so we'd have to pick a different team. But whatever. Minnesota Twins. They'll be a disaster against them. Some other shit town team that's terrible.

That's the point. That's the joke. That's the joke. It's fine. I hate that I just said... Anyway, move on. Anyway, it's fine. If you see a comic do that as their punchline, they did.

Things didn't go how they wanted. No. Anyway, I don't know. I don't think that went how we wanted. I'll throw that one away. That's a behind-the-scenes tip for you guys. So the team improves some the next year in 66-67. They improve some.

Peter scores his first goal on April 22, 1967, versus Nottingham Forest, who we've talked about with Marlon King. And that's the most British-sounding team ever. Nottingham Forest. They don't even claim a city. It's just a forest. Nottingham Forest. A little John out there playing.

Yeah, it's just a forest where fairy tales happen. That's it. That's their whole team. Made in Marion. That's it. It's beautiful. So he scores the only goal in a one-to-one tie. Sorry, draw.

We apologize, British people. That's the frustrating part. Yeah, draw, because that's what we're going to get. Peter gets a reputation as a complete thug on the field. I like him. Sorry, pitch. Go fuck yourselves. On the pitch.

We're saying field and tie. Eat a dick. Anyway, eat some boiled ham, as a matter of fact, instead. God, we love the UK, too. It's crazy. The thing I love about the UK is we say this, and they fucking love it. Right. They're like, yes, this is great.

This is awesome. They're having so much fun. This is wonderful. Tell us more about us. Yeah. Shit on us more. Tell an American town, whatever, they get so angry. The British are like, that's hilarious.

Yes, we do eat boiled ham. No, we don't. Ha ha. That's hilarious. They just laugh. They're great people. God damn it, I love it over there. We're going to do a live show in London.

We are seriously trying to plan it. I guess so many snaps begging for it. I'm telling you. So many tweets begging for it. We are going to do it. So many messages. It's crazy. We're working on it.

Let's just put it that way. It's a lot of stuff to- It's a long flight. It's a long flight. It's a lot of logistical shit. We have to make sure we can make enough money to cover our flight. That sort of thing. It's kind of important. Definitely. He begins he begins he's a reputation as a thug this is going

to last his whole career and basically his whole life i love it as in a career he is known as they call him the hard man of soccer and he's known as a hatchet man okay he's basically like what hockey has an enforcer yeah he's like marty mcsorley right on the pitch he's the goon but he's also a pretty skilled player that's the other thing he's not on the pitch. He's the goon. But he's also a pretty skilled player. That's the other thing. He's not bad, but he's also a complete goon. I love a guy that's a hard ass and he can fucking score. That's great.

And he also said, too, later on that he used to like, he would plan out how to do shitty tackles to people and fuck them up and try to take them out. It's like Charles Barkley. Kind of, but worse. He was like. Charles Barkley would stand on the outside of the free throw line. Yeah. And then when the ref wasn't looking, just throw a quick elbow into whoever's next to him. The art of basketball but worse. He was like... Charles Barkley would stand on the outside of the free throw line, and then when the ref wasn't looking, just throw a quick elbow into whoever's next to him. Oh, that's the art of basketball.

This is like taking a guy's legs out as he's running and hurting him, like shit like that. It's a little more brutal. He was pretty brutal. And there was a lot of that forearming and just jostling back then and that sort of thing. He injures a Manchester City player named Mike Summerby at one point, very soon in the 1966-67 season. Once again, I don't know who the fuck Mike Summerby is. He might be the Hank Aaron of England.

He might be a badass. Whatever. He's got to be. He might be Sir. He gets injured. He probably is. He might be a Sir. Sir Mike Summerby was injured in Manchester City.

Now, there's an article then that now they're a little like, hey, Peter, calm down. There's an article in the paper saying he's, quote, overdoing the tough guy act. Oh, boy. I don't know if, too, he's young and he's trying to show, like, I'm not afraid of you fucking guys, which I understand. I mean, he's like in prison and he's like, I'm going to punch the biggest guy. You know what I mean? That's what he's doing.

I want to keep this job. That's just how he plays. That's how you stay around, I guess. He becomes the team's hatchet man. Like I said, he's the team's enforcer. He's involved in a large brawl versus Gillingham, which sounds very British as well, in an FA Cup game. Okay. I see that look in your eyes, Jimmy.

That's why I have an explanation of what the fucking FA Cup is, too. God damn it. All right. This is what I mean. I saw that, and I'm like, shit. Damn it. I've got to figure out what the hell that is. The fuck is that?

Okay. FA Cup is the Football Association figure out what the hell that is. Fuck is that? Okay. FA Cup is the Football Association Challenge Cup. Of course it is. It's a huge tournament open to basically any team from the best team from Arsenal to like six guys kicking a ball around in a park that's half fucking deflated. I swear to God. That's awesome. Dude just eating a fucking shawarma while he's kicking the ball around, just hanging out at the park.

You can feel the team in under this pretty much. Let's go. It's ridiculous. They're wearing different mismatched shirts and shit out there. They're wearing their workout gear. One dude's got a tank top on. The other guy's got a button down. They're like, what are we wearing?

What's going on? It's like a softball league. Yeah, he's got a dress shirt and some loafers on. So this tournament here, the FA Cup tournament, was started in 1871. Wow. It's like a softball league. Yeah, he's got a dress shirt and some loafers on. So this tournament here, the FA Cup tournament, was started in 1871. Wow. It's extremely old, this tournament. No doubt. That's older than anything we have.

The World Series didn't start until 1901 or some shit like that. It started before that. People make fun of people that don't know who won in 1937 or whatever. Yeah. Like there, how do you keep track of that shit from 1870s? It's insane. 1871. Good God. On top of that, in 2011, 2012, you know, it that shit? It's insane. From 1870s? 1871. Good God.

On top of that, in 2011, 2012, you know, it's a huge tournament, like I said, with any, just guess a number of how many teams are in the tournament. I'm going to get 100. 2011, 2012, 100. Is it that low? Child's play. Really? I said every park, five guys with dress shirts on.

Do they really have 500 teams playing in this? Jimmy, in 2011, 2012, 763 clubs participated in this conference. How do you even get through that? What the fuck is that? How do you get through that? Can we have some standards? Yeah. There cannot be 763 teams worth of shit.

And here's the other thing. I'm sorry. That field is so fucking big. Yeah. You have to have four games playing at once. That's the other thing. Okay. I have to back this up.

How do you play that? Okay. Is there 763 good players in your whole country? I doubt it. I don't think we have 763 good players of any sport over here. We have five times as many people as you. I mean, we have that many players in the NFL. And, yeah, most of them are just—

But most of them don't even play. They're not even that—that's what I mean, we have that many players in the NFL. And, yeah, most of them are just – But most of them don't even play. They're not even that – that's what I mean. If you had to try to – let's say you said, okay, we need 10 more NFL teams tomorrow. They'd be terrible. Oh, God, it'd be horrible. We're maxed out on the people we have. We got the best. That's how many people we can have in a league and still have it be watchable, basically.

763. That's so many teams. And how many people are on a soccer team? I don't even know the number. There's teams of, like, old Jewish ladies competing in that. There's community center teams. And how many people are on a soccer team? I don't even know the number. There's teams of like old Jewish ladies competing in that. There's community center teams, senior centers. What is going on? Children.

There's eight-year-olds. That's bizarre. Unreal. So I'm fascinated by that. I'm fucking fascinated. It's everybody in England is playing. Everyone. They just invite them all.

Yeah, let's say there's 10 players on a team. That's 7,600 players. That's almost 8,000 people. You do. Okay. You have a country of 60 million people over there. There is no goddamn way you have almost 8,000 really good soccer players. I fucking guarantee you don't. Guarantee it. That's just ridiculous.

That's unreal. Otherwise, every soccer player in the world, on every team, even if you're playing for Brazil or Argentina, they'd be English. They have all the best. They have to be. Just mathematically. It's ridiculous. So the first six rounds, I assume, are just played in like, you know, just wherever they can find out. Everywhere.

Fields, on people's driveways. Some guy has a big yard. They just mark off goals and start kicking it. I don't fucking know, man. But the first six rounds are qualifying to see who, I think it's just to see who has matching shirts. Who can make it? Disqualify all the teams that don't have transportation and matching shirts. That guy has no shoes on.

He can't play. You know what I mean? Marge broke her hip from the old lady senior center team. We can't have them. It's that sort of thing. So that's what happens then. And then basically sees who qualifies and then it gets down to a 32 team tournament that sounds that's doable that's but you could

be like i said some club team of nobodies and you could be playing arsenal in the finals if you're that good which is fucking ridiculous it's very cool but it's also the stupidest thing i ever heard in my life if some beer league softball team could enter a tournament to play against the Dodgers next year, that's not okay. That's so crazy. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's so many fucking games, though. It's so many. Split that in half, at least 350 games.

Unbelievable. Where do you play all of that? I don't know. The first round had to be 380 games just to get that in. And that's every park in England. That's what I mean, taking over. That's 10 games every day. It's got to be like in America, like on a Tuesday night, you can't get in a bowling alley because it's league night.

Like someone went down to the park, like, oh, we're sorry. Sorry. It's Jewish old ladies versus the guys who work at the shawarma shop. They're battling it out. They call it the AF Cup because everybody tries to go to the park and they're like, oh, it's F.A. Damn it. Yeah, sorry. I didn't want you to do the whole joke.

Yeah, you had me. Here's the joke. Ah, fuck. I can't play. Yeah, fuck. Exactly. Jesus Christ. Fuck all.

That's what it is. It's fuck all. Fuck all. I got you, England. So now this tournament is not even known as the FA Cup anymore. It's known due to sponsorship as the Emirates FA Cup, I guess. Emirates Airlines, maybe. There's a sponsorship? Yeah, everything is sponsored

over there. Everything. They have their jerseys are just covered in ads. Of course, everybody's playing. They have to. Everybody's there. That's true. The Senior Center has a very cool logo on the front. If you don't sponsor, you're missing out on telling everybody in England about your product. Exactly. No shit.

Everybody's playing. Everybody's playing. Everybody's here. You may as well tell them. It's going to be like the stores are empty. Right. Because people's homes are just shuttered. There's a soccer tournament. There's seven people at pubs throughout the country.

That's it. That's because they hurt themselves. They got a pulled hammy or something. They're like, I'll just watch. Those are just the seven people that don't like soccer. Yeah, that's true. They're not into it. They're just like, why did I move to England?

Everybody loves soccer. Oh, man. true. They're not into it. They're just like, why did I move to England? Everybody loves soccer. Oh, man. So late 60s, this tournament, late 60s, he's moved. He played left back before that, and he's moved to right back. I don't know what the fuck that means. He plays in the backfield. He plays in defense. It's defense, exactly.

That's all I knew what it means. But I don't know exactly if that's a big, if that's like right field and center field. I have no idea what that is. Yes, it's the left side versus the right side. Yeah, I don't know if it's like a more prestigious side, though. Oh, I wouldn't know that. I don't know exactly if that's a big – if that's like right field and center field. I have no idea what that is. Yes, it's the left side versus the right side. Yeah, I don't know if it's like a more prestigious side though. Oh, I wouldn't know that. I don't know. Like if you're a center fielder, it's more important than if you're a left fielder.

I don't know. Left fielder is the guy that nobody gives a fuck about. There's a guy who can hit, but he doesn't field real well. That's the dickhead that gets – Let's put him over there. But he can throw. He's got a cannon to get it to the first base. Well, right fielder's got the cannon to get it to the third base.

Oh, there you go. So anyway, he continues to be the tough guy. That's his whole deal here. They would tell him when they'd send him out into the game, they wouldn't tell him go hurt that guy, but they would say, quote, you know what to do, Peter. That was the line. That's good. Go in there and fucking cause some havoc. Go in there, take that asshole out.

You know what to do. You know what to do, Peter. So during the 60s and 70s, like I say, rough play was the standard at the time. This was just you were a pussy if you were complaining about rough play. Like, asshole, of course you're getting your head taken off. Of course it hurts. That's the game, pussy. So the refs were not into penalizing the rough play either because they were probably afraid of being killed in a soccer riot.

So the refs just kind of were laying off the rough play. They were just letting it happen because that was the game. And the fans of that shit must be crazy hooligans. If you love the low-level shit and the high-level shit like that, what size are the arenas that they're playing in? It's like a 40-something thousand seat. Jesus, God. It's a big arena.

It's a big field. It's huge. It's like a big major league sport. It's got big arena. It's a big field. Yeah, it's huge. It's a big, it's like a big major league sport. It's got to be insanity. You're scared that your kids are going to get kidnapped. Yeah. Call if you throw a fucking card. Exactly.

So that's why they're a little weary. Plus people just, that's, that was the style of play. It's like the NBA in the late eighties. Arsenal basically is like the Pistons. They're the, I was going to say, they're the 89-90 Detroit Pistons of this league. That's exactly what they are. They have Rick Mahorn out there throwing people to the ground, kicking the shawarma guys over. Bill Lane beer and a mask.

It's crazy. It's horrible. Now, December of 67, he's thrown out of a game versus Burnley, where... This is great. I like that Rick Mahorn reference, though. That was pretty impressive. You gotta like Rick Mahorn. He was a tough son of a bish, Rick. I wouldn't fuck with Rick Mahorn. He'd knock your ass to the ground.

So he's thrown out of a game versus Burnley. This is the funny part. It's an incredibly violent game, this game. No one for this particular game was just violent as shit. Guys are taking each other out left and right. But he doesn't get thrown out for violence. He gets thrown out for, quote, bad language. Wow.

So I just picture him out there just pummeling someone, kicking him, stomping him with his bleeps. You bastard. And he goes, you bastard. And I'm like, now that's enough. Now you have, you, sir, may fuck off. I'm sorry. Now, off the pitch with you. Off you go.

Off the pitch with you. Now, now, now. Now, now, now, now. No apologies. Go have a boiled ham sandwich. I won't listen one bit now. You be gone. Oh, you sound so stupid.

I don't care. I don't give a fuck. You ever hear an Englishman do a New York accent? Exactly. I am stupid, though. Last week I said that a guy's movie won a Grammy. I know damn well that a guy wins an Oscar for that.

That's how fucking stupid I am about American shit. It's going to get worse. Let's keep going. That language, mister. That language is unacceptable. Now you go to that bench. You hang out with Dorothy. So Bob Wilson, a teammate of his, said, quote, off the field, he was shy and polite.

On it, he was anything but, as he could scare his own teammates to death. Jesus. So, yeah, that's the type of guy he is. They're all like, geez, he's a little intense. What do you think? Like, oh, boy. Off the field, the tea and crumpets, but on the field, Jesus. Make you choke on one.

On the field. We have an in their own words about his play style here. In their own words on being a menace. Quote, the trick was to get in as early as possible, hit them hard, and give them a good wallop. Make them feel as if they've been in a car crash or hit a brick wall. I will never attempt to begin to make excuses for what I did in football. So he's just like, I was a horrible person. So old timey with the wallop.

I did. You give him a good walloping. It's very British and old time. Like you get in there. It almost sounds like, like it's not even bad at that point. It's almost like, well, yeah, you get in there and give him a good wallop. Yeah. It sounds like just.

We go to fisticuffs. Yeah. Chip, chip, buri. Get in there and really get on it. Sounds like a bare knuckle guy with like a mustache. And he's like, I'm going to give him a good wallop. I'll just, you sir, chip-chip-a-ree. Get in there and really get on there. Sounds like a bare-knuckle guy with a mustache. He's like, I'm going to give him a good wallop. I'll just use, sir. I will give you a good walloping.

Now you come over here. And he puts up his dukes and they just circle each other for three days. Yeah, they roll their fists. Come on now. Let's go now. Let's go. It's go time. It's go time.

No, you're not going to speak like that in front of my lady. Use that kind of language. I'll have none of it. My mom was here. I enjoy this. I do, lady. I'll have none of this. Use that kind of language. I'll have none of it. My mom was here. I enjoy this. I do, too. I love doing British stories here. So late 60s, the team continues to improve, which is good.

Story is known as the nastiest player going. So since he got there, they were like, I think, 14 points from relegation the first year, which I guess that's very close to relegation. Well, yeah. I don't know what a point is. I think they were like relegation the first year, which I guess that's very close to relegation. Well, yeah. I don't know what a point is. I think they were like right on the cusp. I'll bet it's based upon how much you score. I don't know.

Maybe they had 14 points more than fucking getting kicked out. I should have spent a day on that. Maybe it's like I should have spent a day researching the point system. I'm a dick. I should have spent a day on that. No, I'm really into it. a day researching the point system. I'm a dick. I should have spent a day on that. No, I'm really into it.

Is it like, I wonder if it's like the BCS in college football where like a strength of opponents factored in and you get extra points. I have no idea. Maybe it's just like hockey. It's two points for a win, one point for a tie, no points for a loss. Maybe it's how many points you actually fucking score. I have no goddamn idea. And by the way, don't

tweet us. I don't care. We don't give a shit. I don't care. I don't care we don't give a shit i don't care i don't want to find out i could not care less or else i would have looked it up it's more fun to speculate anyway don't care we're having a good time so jesus christ peter's known as the nastiest player going pretty much in the league he's known as like that's the guy he's nasty he's really mean and shitty to everybody uh there's a story about how in a game, this is awesome, by the way. This is almost equal to Vernon Maxwell running up the steps and punching a guy in the 11th row.

This is just kind of as good here. In a game, there's a player down and injured on the other side of the field. Peter runs the entire width of the field to get over there to kick him in the back while he's injured. Just in the back. In the back. He ran over there, literally went all the way away from the play, out of his way, to when the ref wasn't looking, kick the guy in the back.

Wow. An injured player. That's vicious. It was. I like it. So that team told on him to the ref. They're like, he went over and kicked him while he's injured, and he got shit-canned out of the game for that.

Apparently, that's where they draw the line. You can't hit an injured man. You can't kick him on the ground, and you can't, no foul language. No, it's amazing here. hit an injured man. Can't kick him on the ground and he can't no foul language. No, it's amazing here. So he is not the most well-liked player in the

league, I would say. A lot of people don't like him. When I kick his ass, it's kind of a dick they call him names. Especially the guy that got kicked in the back. He's probably a little upset with him at this point. It's not terrific. His teammates love him. They're like, this guy, shit, he'll run into a wall for you. He's the best. And then he'll take a guy's head and slam it into the same wall.

This is horrific. I love this guy. And then the guy that's the first guy on the bench after the starters are all in, he gets to play when that fucker gets kicked out. Exactly. He loves him. Come on, clothesline him. Don't really do it good.

Curse. Curse. Throw a cleat and say fucker. Say fucker. Don't even throw the cleat. Right. They won't kick you out for that. Say fucker.

Right. So we have an in their own words here on, these are some, the things that people have called him on the field. Okay. All right. This is in their own words. Quote, here are a few choice words which have been used to describe me. Assassin.

Bastard's bastard. That's my favorite. Boot boy. Bully. Calculating. Cold eyed. Destructive. Dirty.

Hatchet man. Merciless. Pernicious. rogue, ruthless, thug, vicious. That's sweet. That's pretty good. That's so nice. For what he's doing. I love Bastard's Bastard. That's my favorite. Pernicious is good.

I want to be called a Bastard's Bastard. And in an accent, too. He's a Bastard's Bastard. You're a Bastard's Bastard. Bastard's Bastard. That's amazing. From like a drunk guy. That sounds awesome. Yeah, just another player. Bastard. You're Boston. That's amazing. From like a drunk guy. That sounds awesome.

Yeah, just another player. Boston. You're more than a Boston. You're a Boston's Boston. Somebody that spits when they say that. That's who I want to be called that by. Oh, big time drunk and mess. Every B, there's a spray of fucking nasty saliva and chunks of white saliva.

Boston's Boston. You're Boston's bastard. You're a bastard's bastard. If you don't slur the second bastard, I don't want to be called it. You are a bastard's bastard. See how hard it is when you throw that extra S in it? Hold on now. Anybody saying it better sound like Gollum from fucking Lord of the Rings. Hold on.

I have a soccer game in the FA Cup I need to get to. So we're the Drunky McDrunkins. We're going to go out there and we're going to win the whole thing. We're going to do it. They have to sound like a terrible Doc Holliday impression. That's how they have to sound. Yeah, one for each of you. One of those, man.

I love it. So 1969, by then, remember we said he was all focused on his, That's how they have to say it. Yeah, one street check. One of those, man. I love it. So 1969, by then, remember we said he was all focused on his, just focused on football? Yeah. That's to get a little, now he's into the nightlife. Now he's a little fucking misguided. Now he's into the nightlife. He's basically, they called it his, well, we'll tell you right now.

In 1969, he marries a woman named Susan. Okay. Because when you're out and you're really wanting to party and be in the nightlight you need to get married and make this poor suffering woman at home waiting for you wondering when you're gonna be back exactly nice fucking guy so anyway she says that the marriage was rocky from the very beginning just look what you're marrying you're marrying a guy who likes to go out every night and party because of his quote boozy and carefree ways all right right. Which sounds, again, so wonderful. She made it sound sweet almost. Like, he's boozy and carefree.

That sounds like, oh, that's fun. That sounds like a nice Saturday. He's boozy and carefree. Doesn't that sound good? Like, hey, he's loose and fancy free, boozy and carefree. Boy, he's having a good time. Apparently she didn't mean it in a good way. It's not a compliment.

Not a compliment. Oh, well, what are you going to do? I guess you find things out. It's those kind of ways that get Adele fucking Grammys. You learn something new every day, man. So 1971, the 70-71, Peter scores in this game in 71 the only two goals in an FA Cup match versus Stoke City. It ends in a draw.

Say there, draw. You happy now? Ends in a draw where then they have to replay it in this FA Cup if you have a draw apparently because they played another game. Jesus, that fucking FA Cup is so long.

You have to replay games? There's 20 fucking teams. No, no. If it's a draw, you're both fucking out. See ya, bye. That's what I thought it would be. It's like WrestleMania 4.

You know what I mean? If you can't win, fucking go home. Hulk and Andre both got counted out. They're out of the tournament. That's it. Macho Man's going to win it and Hulk's going to hit D.B. Austin with a chair. It go home andre both got counted out they're out of the tournament that's it macho man's gonna win it and hulk's gonna hit tb osi with chair it's the end of the fucking day but you're out mister you can't fucking draw and move on fuck you you're allowed to draw here uh the fa cup they they end up winning the fa cup in

71 arsenal and apparently there's nine games to play so you got to play nine games to win this tournament how do you how do you only play nine games when there's 700 fucking teams? I don't know. I have no idea how this works. I hate the FA Cup. I hate the FA Cup. It totally sucks. It doesn't make any sense.

The math doesn't even add up. It's ridiculous. If you win nine games straight, I'm trying to do the math in my head. I suppose maybe if you have to play less qualifying games, if you're a good team, maybe they have some buys, some automatic entries, basically, where you have to earn it in if you're the four guys in mismatched search. I don't know how it works. But he has four goals in the nine FA Cup games, which is huge.

That's gigantic. He's known as very, very clutch. Over the course of that season, he has two goals, which still is decent. He scored penalties in two FA Cup games versus Portsmouth. I guess they had to replay a game against Portsmouth, and he scored penalties in both of those. The team wins double title that year. They win the FA Cup and the Premier League. So they're a double champion, which doesn't happen very often, apparently.

That's a huge deal. It's Arsenal's double medal year, year they call it and double title year like they're they still talk about it to this day and it made peter story a fucking hero because this team like i said they were the they were the 89 pistons and he was the bad biggest badass on the team so he was the guy that these people fucking loved and he was clutch scoring penalties and and you know taking people out kicking injured men in the back. That's how you get love in England, apparently, if you're a soccer player. How many games were there?

How many teams were there in it? 760? 763. 763. Real quick. It's insane. We're going to do the math. Just because this is driving me fucking nuts.

Divided by two, that's one round, right? Yes. That would be 380. With one team looking at it. 382 left. Okay, that's one round. 381, there's one team gets a bye. They let the old ladies from the senior center have a bye.

Divided by two, that's another round. Now there's 190 teams left because those teams lost. And that's as if it's one elimination. And that makes sense, though, because then it goes down to, what, 85 after that? And there are 95 after that, I mean. And then you'd go from 95 to 40, so then you end up with 32. That makes sense, because the first six rounds are qualifying.

Does that actually make sense to whittle down? I guess, yeah, nine makes sense. So, yeah, then the other three are in the league. But still, that's single elimination, and if no teams tie. Yeah, that's the other thing. Then you've got to play more games. There's so many fucking ties.

There's going to be tons of ties. This is fucking stupid. You know there were refs just kicking balls in the net. It's like, that's not a tie now. Look there, it's in the net. Fuck that. You're out. Let's go. We've got ties. This is fucking stupid. You know there were refs just kicking balls in the net. It's not a tie now. It's in the net. Fuck that. You're out. Let's go.

We got to narrow the field, guys. This is getting ridiculous. This is bullshit. Flip a coin. That's how we're doing it. Right. That's it. Right when you guys show up, flip a coin.

There's the winner. Go home. Go home. Sorry. Go buy some shirts that match, assholes. This is stupid. So they were in the regular and the FA Cup, and they're known as, basically, this is one known as one of the dirtiest teams of all time. Also, this is, like I said, they are the Pistons, and Peter is their dirty, dirty leader.

He is their Rick Mahorn. He's their nasty. He's their nasty. He's their bastard's bastard. He's their Boston's Boston. So now February 1971, by then, he is still, I mean, he is out there boozing it up, boozing it up. The women, oh, he likes the ladies, too. I love it.

They like him because he's a goddamn national hero. Fuck yeah. He's a bastard's bastard. That's right. February 71, his wife says, you're a bastard's bastard, and she leaves him. I'm fucking out of here. She's had enough. Susan has had enough of this shit, and she is gone.

And she is the smartest person in this entire story. But we're getting away from this goddamn disaster of a man. April 1971, he makes his debut for the English team in the European Championships, which is another two fucking hours. I had to figure out what those were. Everybody fields teams, all the countries. It's pretty simple. England, France, all that bullshit.

And they play against each other. That's it. Okay. Now, on the 70-71 season, this legendary season, this whole, you know, huge thing, we have an in their own words. Some pride for Mr. Story. Some pride. He says in their own words, quote, in time, I became immensely proud of what Arsenal achieved in 70-71, constantly defying the odds, coming from behind.

One word summed us up, remorseless. We never knew when we were beaten. Our power of recovery during 90 minutes and sometimes beyond were immense. I thought he was going to say relentless. That's what you would expect. Remorseless. Remorseless. I will kick an injured man in the fucking back and then celebrate his injury.

I will dance around him with a pint later. He can eat shit, that guy on the ground. What was that other word that he was called that I loved? I can't even remember. Precocious. They said precocious? Was it precocious was he called? No. I'm sorry. Pernicious.

I'm like, precocious. That doesn't make any sense. Pernicious, which is great. That's a great word. Pernicious is a fabulous word. He should have that on the back of his jersey. Yeah, like he hate me. Pernicious. Number eight, Pernicious. He does not give a shit. Frank McClintock,

who I think is a teammate, but I don't fucking know. He's some English guy. Let's just assume he's British, okay? He says, quote, he's been underrated about Peter. Quote, he's been underrated because of his fearsome qualities in the tackle. On the pitch, he was not very nice at all and could be quite frightening. Peter was great at sensing danger and was unflappable when we were under pressure. His gift for the simplest, most

vital task, winning the ball and giving it, gave a framework for the way we operated. So they basically said, this guy is the engine. He is the guy on the guy with the ball, and he gets that ball, and he gives it to other people, and that's how our whole game works. We're designing everything around that. He's a rebounder who's got a good outlet pass, and that's our

whole game. If Shaq gets the rebound, he kicks it down the floor to Penny Hardaway in 1994, and then he dunks it. There you go. Enjoy. I like it. Draymond Green throws it down. After he kicks somebody in the sack.

Kicks someone in the sack. That's exactly who he is. He nails a three. That's exactly who he is. He's Draymond Green. Exactly. He's a nut kicker. That's exactly what he is.

He's an asshole. A back kicker and everything else. Now, the early part of the 71-72 season, we get to here, there is a problem with the team. And this is, you could tell it's probably not going to be a double medal year again here. The team, I guess, hires or acquires or buys over there. They buy each other. I don't even know.

They got a guy. They acquired a player named Alan Ball, who might be the most famous guy in the world over there. He might be running for prime minister next, and he's going to win because of his overwhelming football fame. I have no fucking idea who he is. Sir Alan Ball. Sir Alan Ball was acquired, and the team finds out that he's making almost double what the rest of the players are making. Whoa.

You know what he was making? 250 pounds a week. Jesus. That's double what the other guys are making. And they're pissed. And they're pissed. And they're pissed. And Peter leads an insurrection with some of the other players going to management saying, I don't think so. We've had enough.

We've had enough. You, sir, may fuck off. We're laying out our grievance now. Yeah. We all won the double medal last year. We're the best. We won in both tournaments. We're the best.

And you bring this guy in afterwards and then pay us all, pay them twice as much as the guys who just won that shit last year. Fuck you. Fuck you. We're the best. And you bring this guy in afterwards and then pay us all twice as much as the guys who just won that shit last year. Fuck you. They're very, very angry and I don't think you'd want to get him very, very angry. No. So yeah, he's Peter ends up scoring one goal in that season which, I don't know, that's not really his job. Not really his job either.

That's a good point, yeah. Doesn't score anything in the FA Cup. They don't win the FA Cup. They are runner-ups in both leagues that year. Ouch. So second place in both leagues. Maybe if they didn't have all of this anger toward their management for paying a guy twice as much, maybe they could have come together as a team and won. I don't know.

There might have been a team that was much better. I know shit about soccer, so whatever. Anyway, so yeah, they finish runner-up in both of those things. So 1972 in May, he's a single guy, famous guy. People like him. He's out at the Playboy Club. Oh. Playboy Club.

Is it our Playboy or is it just they named it that? I think it's the Playboy, yeah, because he started, Hefner opened the Playboy Clubs in the 50s and 60s. Really? So it's a play, yeah, it's the Playboy Club. I guess he opened them in London too. So he's at the Playboy Club. He meets a woman.

Oh. Meets a woman named Kathy McDonald. This is dangerous. This is dangerous. They get together quickly. Of course. Quickly. They become a couple right away, which is never a good sign. No. Always bad. They become a couple right away and pretty much immediately move in together too.

You do not move in with some chick you met at the Playboy Club. No. Immediately. I'm sorry. That's not going to work out. I feel like you might, just might not might just find out you have common values first before you start moving in. Tupac said it. You can't make a hoe a housewife. Yeah, I don't even know if she's a hoe. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying you

met her at the club, man. Yeah, well, he's at the club too. What do you think she is? She's not classy. I mean, neither of you may be ready for a committed relationship. You don't meet a chick in a club and then be like, let's move in together and start a life. The Playboy Club.

The Playboy Club, yeah. Like I said, they quickly move in. They're living the high life, too. Peter, I don't know how on 125 pounds a week, I don't know if they have endorsements or whatever the deal is, but Peter is taking her out there having expensive dinners. It's funny, too, because he's like, expensive Italian dinners, he's like, and I'm like, Italian food's cheap as shit. What are you talking about? How expensive is that? because he's like, expensive Italian dinners, he's like. And I'm like, Italian food's cheap as shit. What are you talking about?

How expensive is that? Olive Garden's like nine bucks. Yeah, I think the French restaurants would probably be expensive. But he said expensive Italian dinners. They went out to concerts, nights out on the town drinking and partying. He's making half of 250 pounds a week. Somehow he can afford this. This is crazy.

I don't know what else they get money for. Like I said, I don't know if they have endorsements. I don't know if they have appearances. for. Like I said, I don't know if they have endorsements. I don't know if they have appearances. That's what I mean. Who knows? Selling his sperm or something. He's making good money, though. He ends up having some money.

72-73 season. He has four goals and 40 appearances in the season, which is good, I think. It seems good. It's his best goal-scoring season that he has. We'll say it's good. 1975, he marries Kathy. So they lived together this whole time. Now he's making an honest woman out of her.

This is not good. They have a little rocky deal here. And also in 1975, he decides he's going to go just diversify outside of soccer. He's like, not only am I concentrating on soccer here, I'm going to get married, have a little distraction there, and I'm also going to take out a three-year lease on a pub. Oh, that's his passion project. That's his passion project. It's like

Joe Namath opening a bachelor's club or whatever. It's called Jolly Farmers. It's on Southgate Road and it's his attempt to diversify, but it's really a clubhouse. Of course. It's a clubhouse for himself to hang out. Yeah.

He likes to go out. He likes to hang out. Now he has an excuse. Right. Now he's like, well, I got to be at the bar. I mean, it's my club. It's what I run. Yeah.

It's my business. I got to make sure the Jägermeister's in. It's got to do it. I got to check the cases. My bartender will break everything. I can't do it. But there's no John Taffer to save this place. Not at all.

So this is when his nightlife really gets out of hand. This is when he's drinking and carousing with a ton of women. He's like, I'll get married and then make sure to – why get married right then if you were going out and drinking and carousing? If you're opening a club. But it's almost like she was like, you're going out every night and I know you're with other women. And he's like, I'll marry you, love. And she was like, okay, fine. He had to shut her up for a couple of years I feel like in his mind.

That's what he's going to do. Because he's like, I know what you do at bars. I feel like in his mind, that's what he's going to do. But the class. She's like, I know what you do at bars. I met you in one. I met you at the Playboy Club. I can't imagine. That's where I met you. Can't imagine in your bar, you're much more well-behaved.

I'm going to say probably not. So this became the focal point of his life, the carousing. This very normal for players to own pubs back then. That was the, that was the bit like, you know how American got players are all opening, all open car washes? Yeah. This was their car wash. It's funny because now they try to have a reputation where the players aren't always

at the pubs and they're trying to make it clean. And this was like, no, no. Be there. Be there. Go out. That's how you sell drinks. Be accessible. Yeah, exactly.

Be accessible. The clubs liked it too because it gave them a manly image, which was a rough game back then. That's what they were going for. And this is the manliest guy on the team. He's a bastard's bastard. Yes. People want to go drink with him.

It's a smart move for him. If he did it correctly and didn't use it as a place to find other women and drink himself into insolvency, it would be really nice. He'd probably do good business if he just kind of was a greeter. Like, hey, how you doing? I'll come have a pint with you. And he takes like one sip and then he goes on to the next guy. That's a business model. Peter, business model.

I'm just I'm just trying to help you do that. It's all doing you a favor. Doing you a favor. He also starts a minicab company, a little cab company. Also, like little cars, little cars. Yeah. I don't know if the company's smaller. The cars are small, but he's got a company.

It's a minicab. It's a minicab. OK's a minicab, okay. So 1975, 76 on the field. He has only 11 appearances for Arsenal. It's starting to go bad for him. His new coach, Terry Neal, who was actually a player when he started and was actually his first roommate on the team when he moved to London and signed a professional. Yeah, he moved in with this guy probably because I think he was a veteran and they were taking him under his wing.

Gotcha. Just like now when they do that. They team a guy like that. Team the rook. Yes, absolutely. Make him carry his bag and buy the whole team fucking flapjacks in the morning. Spend your whole signing bonus on dinner for the team. That's so stupid.

Dinner for the offensive line. They're so mean to him. Peter doesn't play very much in 75, 76. He only plays in 11 games because the team acquired a guy named Alan Hudson. Again, no goddamn idea who Alan Hudson is, but they acquired him, and he was apparently a better fit for the team at this moment than Peter Story's drunk womanizing, carousing ass. Anyway, Peter is brought back and forth from the reserve team.

The reserve team, I think, is is the second tier team that we talked about school whatever the apprentices right god damn it the first 18 and under team and the second team this is triple a right triple a this is say that this is the d league this is the d league so on march 7th 8th 76 and they bring you back and forth on march 8th 76 peter refuses assignment to the to the reserve team he's like i'm I'm not going. He said, I'm not fucking going. Screw you. So they suspend him. Which, obviously, yeah, they're not going to go, oh, okay then, just come on back.

Cool, go run your pub. Yeah, it's fine. So, December of 1976, Kathy and Peter have a daughter. Oh my god. Because, you know, things are going horribly. Oh no. And you're about to lose your career and you're out all night drinking. You gotta have kids. Bring a kid into this shit. Let's bring kids into this.

Come on. At least it's a girl and you can't name her a junior. Let's just say that. His marriage is crumbling also at this point. Of course it is. Because they probably had the kid to try to save the marriage. I'm sure she said, well, maybe if I have a kid, then he'll start being more responsible and won't want to be at the pub because he's a father.

Bullshit. Or we're overthinking this and he drunkenly left it in two pumps too long. Probably. That's probably what happened. Yeah, you're probably right there, I think. So the marriage is crumbling here. Peter's drinking is getting worse and worse as the kid's born. Not terrific. He continues to barely play in the 76-77

season. Plays in what would be his last game for Arsenal on January 29, 1977 in a 3-1 win versus Coventry City. All right. In February 77, it's his last game because in February 77, he's told to report to the reserve team again.

He refuses again. Yeah. And they suspend him again. Uh-oh. And he never ends up playing again for the team. And that's it? That's it. The suspension is the last of his career?

No, no. In March 77, he accepts a free transfer, which I, you know what? There's so many. At this point, you're just like, I don't give a shit. I give the look to you, and you're just like, that's hilarious. I'm just like, yeah, I really tried. A free transfer. All I can assume is it sounds like you can just give someone.

You can just say he's up for basically leaving someone unprotected for an expansion draft. You can just take that guy. He's yours. You don't take that guy. He's yours. You don't have to give anything back to us. That's what I assume. I'm sure that's not what it is, and I'm sure it's just some Britishism, and you're going to tell me about it. But for now, that's what it is.

Okay. He plays in 12 games in the remainder of season with Fulham, who is a team that he takes a free transfer to. And so he plays the 12 remaining games, so that's good. He's on a team at this moment in time anyway. 1977 78 starts with Fulham again. They own his rights. They have his contract.

He plays in five games that year to start out the season. Yeah. Last appearance is on September 10th of 1977 and a one to zero loss versus Tottenham Hotspur. We know the Tottenham. Tottenham Hotspur. There's a second one in Tottenham now? Tottenham Hotspur. We know the Tottenham. There's a second one in Tottenham now? Hotspur. I don't know if that's the... Dude, that could be a sponsor.

I don't fucking know. I'm so tired. I have no idea. I've worked so hard on this. I still don't fucking know. But it is insult to injury to have your last team be losing to a terrible name team like that.

And that's the last game. That's his last game. Done. That is it. In November of 1977, Fulham cancels his contract, and he announces his retirement right then. There it is. Well, nobody wants me. I'm out.

My career is over. I'm going to go back to having a bad marriage and a little daughter. Because at that point, it's around this time that he divorces with Kathy. Oh, no. And their marriage falls apart. Volatile. I knew it. Which happens a lot.

You see this a lot in sports, and it's nothing against either person, but you see athletes, they're married while they're playing, and within a year of them being done playing, they're divorced. It's over. Because the marriage is built on them not seeing each other most of the time. And also, too, the marriage is built upon the fame. And it feels good for you to have that amazing person in your life. And then when they're not that amazing person anymore, it's like, why am I married to this dick?

Maybe that's also, too. Maybe I'm giving them too much credit. Maybe I'm giving people too much credit. But I think it's also, even if you loved this person for a person. I just feel like I have this fucking cynical side of me the marriage is fucking stupid well exactly well that's why you're you're enjoying your you're enjoying a marriage and i'm the one who's been divorced for a fucking year and a half but you're like marriage is so stupid but no it really is i just i feel like these people even if they really want to be together, if your

marriage is built on never seeing each other, this person always being gone and then all of a sudden there they are in the house just sitting there all the time. All day long. Drunk all day. Everything you hate about them is right there in front of you every day. They're not getting up at nine and going to work and going home. They're just like, how you doing, love? Sitting here.

I'm still here. Alright. Could you go back to Tottenham, please? Is there any way that Tottenham can pick you back up? Is that possible? Anywhere. Just go somewhere. That's the hard part. I'm blessed that I'm lucky.

I have a job that I do. I have things that I do that get me out of the house. That's what keeps a marriage together, not being a fucking round all the time i can't imagine being being fucking retired and being around that person every goddamn minute i would assume any little problem you have is going to be magnified huge at that point i could deal with this when i knew you'd be gone for two weeks it's like fine deal with him for another hour then he gets on the plane, and he's gone. But now, you can't do it. Ridiculous.

Exhausting. So 1978, Peter is going broke at this point. He's a horrible alcoholic. Yeah. I mean, he's just- He's bleeding his own pub dry. Oh, man. He's drinking like a fish, and he's going broke because he's just working at a pub,

and his minicab company is not doing well at all. That's another financial disaster. So he's just trying at a pub and his minicab company is not doing well at all. That's another financial disaster. So he's just trying to figure out what to do with himself. So naturally what you do with yourself at this point, right, because you figure, you know, you're sitting here. What are you going to do? Will you start up another business? You maybe, you know, do some charity work for something to do. You know what I mean?

Go help some kids. You can do that. Or you can hook up with a crime syndicate called the Barry Brothers. Oh, no. A couple organized crime types, London street toughs from that era, the Barry Brothers. What the Barry Brothers have going on- Is it just two brothers, or is it like a shitload of brothers? I don't know.

I saw they had a big funeral for one of them in 2011. One of them died, and they had a giant mob, like John Gotti funeral procession in London. So I thought that was kind of funny. He hooks up with them. What they're doing is they have a counterfeit operation. They're counterfeiting gold coins. They're making fake gold coins to sell. This is their whole deal here.

Now, Peter Smart. What is it, fucking 1700s? Who exchanges in gold coins? I don't know. In the 70s in England, you might have just been able to give someone like that sack of coins you see in like a pirate movie. A little pull string sack of coins. And then you like own a boy. I think. I don't know how it worked back then.

Exactly. You own a boy who's not going to be an electrician someday, I guess is how it works. Hilarious. So they're making these gold coins. Peter's part in this whole mess is to, he agrees to finance it. First of all, he's financing a lot of it. He's just trying to figure something out. I have to piss my money away as quickly as possible.

How can I do that? I can't let this last. Good God, I need my daughter to want for things. Don't you understand? Brewster's millions with Richard Pryor, this is what he should have done. He should have financed worthless shit. That's what he should have done. Worthless coins.

This is what he does here. He agrees to finance some of the operation and agrees to store the die casting equipment in one of his warehouses. That's not a good idea. Not a good idea. You take the incriminating part. And then we'll take all this fake gold away. Thanks. Thanks, Barry Brothers.

Here, I'll pay for all this fake shit to be made, and then I'll take the fucking cast that puts me in prison. I'll take it right home. Absolutely. Unreal. So you have an in their own words on this crime, this whole syndicate that he set up here, in their own words, quote, I was never a criminal mastermind, but rather

a foolish former footballer with more money than sense. It sounds so big time, so glamorous, doesn't it? All I did was lend some money to blokes I thought were going to make a few quid by knocking out cheap imitation jewelry. I'm sure that's what you thought. They said, we're just going to make a couple of chains

to sell down at the mall. And I said, yeah, that sounds good. Take some quid for that or whatever it is. A few quid. No. You were making, you knew the hell, with the gangsters. I thought they were just a couple of nice gangster guys. They were just like, we're just going to make a couple of things for our kids.

That's all. My girlfriend. Is quid less valuable than pounds? Quid's a pound. Oh, it is? It's like buck and dollar. It's like saying 10 bucks, you go 10 quid. It's the same. What's a she 10 quid. It's the same.

What's a shekel? Yeah, it's the same thing. It took me a while to figure that out. I watch a lot of British television, so I get it. I've seen The Inbetweeners is one of my favorite shows. Goddamn. I know fuck all about their currency, but I know the phrase fuck all. I just finished three seasons of The Great British Baking Show.

I've been watching old British ladies bake for three seasons. And it's fascinating. Fascinating. The reality shows over there, one sidebar quick. The reality shows over there are completely different than they are here. Here, like, everyone's a character. Like, I got to be the guy who does this. I'm the asshole guy.

I'm the slutty chick. I'm this. I'm that. Everyone's got a character. Here, they're just really nice. Everybody's just a character. Here, they're just really nice. Everybody's just really proper. I talked to someone who got eliminated, and they're like, I didn't do as good a job as I could have.

No one's like, hey, fuck you, judge. No, my shit. My mind's the best, and you fucking like him better and fucking bullshit. This thing is rigged like they do here. They're just like, I should have put more flour in it. I don't know. I'm disappointed. So silly. The judges call it as they see it.

It's just I'm sorry, and they apologize. It's just I'm disappointed. So silly. The judges call it as they see it. It's just I'm sorry. And they apologize. It's amazing. I love British reality television so much better. You guys are actual human being people. OK. Anyway, that said, 1978, what this whole counterfeit operation going on. Guess what happens?

What? Peter's arrested for counterfeiting. What a shocker. They break up the operation. What a complete moron. He's charged with conspiracy to produce counterfeit money. Obviously. He's set free on bail, though. Well, they know he's

a famous guy. He can't really, you know. Where's he going? He doesn't have any money. There's no record, either. That's the other thing, too. He was a famous footballer. Wow, that's his first run-in with the law? His first run-in with the law is making counterfeit money. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure he had some pub dust-ups where they just, oh? That's his first run. He played last year. His first run in with the law is making counterfeit money. Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure he had some pub dust-ups where they just, oh, he's playing for Arsenal. Overserving somebody, right? No, I meant like he'd get some fights when he was on the team. They're like, oh, no, get the Arsenal boys out of here. They don't need any trouble. Right. You know how they used to do back then. Put his dick in some girl and she didn't want it. You know it.

Yeah, you know he did. I feel like that was probably, not maybe in her, but just like on her leg as he walked by. He's like, how you doing? That's an arsenal dick. That's an arsenal dick right there. Unreal. So, yeah. So, okay.

He's out on bail. It's 1979. I am going to ask you a question. I like asking you because you're just a regular dude. No, no. You've been arrested for counterfeiting. Yeah. Well, you've been working with a criminal syndicate where you've been financing a counterfeiting operation.

You're a famous guy who's been arrested counterfeiting. Not good for your image. You have a pub also whose image you kind of want to keep good. By the way, the pub's about to go away pretty soon. What would you do right now while you're out on bail? Sell my pub and get the fuck out of the country because those are bad men and I don't want to die. Well, yeah. I'm afraid they're going to think I'm squealing on them.

They're not mad at him. You're not afraid of your crime syndicate buddies. I'm going back to the pub and I'm going to promote the shit out of that place. You're going to promote it, right? You're going to stay clear of trouble. Two for one every Friday. But you're going to double down on your life, right? You're going to say, I better get it together because I don't want to have to do that again.

The thing you don't do is- That's exactly what he did. You concoct a plan to raise enough money to be able to flee trial to Spain. Wow. You want to avoid your trial and flee to Spain. And first of all, how would you do that, too, if you wanted to flee? You try to maybe borrow some money for some relatives? No.

Or counterfeit more? Or you can decide to team up with three women to open a brothel. That's what you could do. That's a good idea. Those never get busted. That's a great idea. That's good for your image, too. You want to be the brothel guy. Hookers now. Hookers.

Peter and these three women open up a brothel called the Calypso Massage Parlor. Sounds great. It sounds dirty. It sounds so dirty. Anything Calypso sounds terrible. Calypso massage parlor. That sounds like you got to keep your clothes on to get jerked off

because you're like, I don't want to put my ass on that. That looks pretty gross. No good. Sounds like a gypsy jerks you off. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She flees with your money. Against her will. Also, that's the other thing. She's being held. And belittles your dick while she does it. In an accent. Your dick is terrible. And belittles your dick while she does it. In an accent. Your dick is terrible.

Terrible dick. It smells like onions. I would not do this if not for money. You give me more money or I will not touch anymore. That would be $10 more. That would be $10 more. It's the shawarma man's wife. That's so awesome. He runs a brothel.

The Calypso brothel there. And it's in an area that's not really... It's so awesome he runs a brothel the calypso brothel there it's and it's in an area that's not really it's not like he put it in a seedy area there's a bunch of shit like this he put it in like a decent area next to a whole food he put it on like a high street of the town like the main street and they're like you everyone sees what you're doing there's people being jerked off constantly in there what are you doing in the window as somebody walks by with their fucking whole foods that guy's standing there looking out. He's like, huh? With his back arch, hands on his hips like, what's going on?

There's an Abercrombie and Fitch next door. Oh, it's terrible. Yeah, totally. Like, I hear weird noises coming. Even over the music, I hear weird shit. So he's running it into 1979, and it's going well until he's arrested for it. Because obviously, you've got a right you're an idiot you got techno music what do you expect and asian women fleeing whenever they can at 2

p.m what are you doing he's charged with keeping a brothel a brothel he's charged with keeping a brothel and living off the wages of a prostitute which is pimping basically is what you're doing there uh now december 29th 1979 he pleads guilty to the brothel charges because they made a deal here. He's given a six-month suspended sentence and a 700-pound fine. That's nice. That's not bad, but he still has counterfeiting over it. That's the big one. That's the problem.

That's got years attached to it if he's convicted. That's why he wanted to flee. Still, though, your first offense, that's what you think to do is flee? He's really racked up a couple of charges. He has. Some pretty nasty ones for one and two. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's a great one-two punch for the legal system. God, I would say so. He goes from

no record to counterfeiting gold coins and running a brothel. That's pretty incredible. Yeah, who knows where the girls are coming from. Unbelievable. So he's not doing well in his life at this point. The money is gone. But, I mean, he's not doing well at crime. That's all it is.

Well, not life either. His life is bad. I'm impressed that he went that route, though, already. He did, but that was ballsy. Already? That's so fast. He's like, what do I do? He's like, I'm out on bail.

I really want to beat this case. Maybe I should hire a good lawyer and work on it and keep my reputation good now so when I go to court I can say, hey, look, the last two years while he was awaiting trial, he's been doing nothing but charity work and he feels terrible. Instead, I'll make girls suck cock for my money. That's what I'll do. Yeah, that's it. That's really accelerating. That's up in the ante a little bit. That's zero to 60 in no time.

So he's losing everything because he had to pay legal fees. He's got all these problems. So January of 1980, a bankruptcy order is made against him. Oh, no. I guess over there, they tell you when you're bankrupt. You don't tell them. That's funny. Over here, you tell them, hey, I'm kind of bankrupt.

Over there, they're like, you're bankrupt, fucker. Sorry. We're labeling you that. They probably could have jumped the gun on that, too, when he gets arrested for making girls blow dudes for cash. You don't have any money. Let's just do this all in one swoop here. Bankrupt, too. You're bankrupt.

$700, I guess. $7,500 pounds, I'll bankrupt you. That's rough. That's in 1980, though. That's worth a lot more. He's listed on court documents as a minicab driver. So that's what he's doing at this moment. He's just driving a minicab.

That's a tough career to be called. That's it. Yeah. Especially when you were Mr. This is less than 10 years ago. You were a double medal winner. You used to be a bastard's bastard and now you're a minicab driver. You're just a shithead's shithead. A nobody's, a nothing's nothing. It's terrible. A nobody's nobody. You're a nobody's nobody, man. So 1979, 1980, meets another woman. You start seeing Gil or Jill. I don't know how you want to say it. It's G-I-L-L, which is Gil, but over there that might be Jill. It might be Jill.

I don't fucking know. Let's call her Jill. Let's call her G. I'm just calling her Jill. Even though it's wrong, I don't care. Don't tweet me. Anyway, as part of this bail for the counterfeiting that he's out on still, he must check in with the police. He basically has to go down to the police station every week and sign in.

Hey, I still didn't run away from the country. Guess who's still here. Yeah, it's just like probation, basically. He doesn't have to do anything else. He just has to sign in and go, I'm here. And they go, all right, mate. And they say, see you later. Let's have a pint later.

And that's the end of the day. Hey, nobody. So, yeah. Hey, nobody's nobody. There he is. So July 3rd, 1980, Peter arrives at the police station to sign in, and he's arrested on the spot. Really? They take him right to Pentonville jail, or prison, which is like they don't even take him to court first.

Take him right to jail. Apparently, he had missed two appearances in his bankruptcy proceedings. And he says he didn't know about it. Because they tell you around here. Yeah, they tell you. It's like, I didn't know I was bankrupt. Like, oh, we'll let you know. We'll come to your house and get you.

Don't you worry. You stop by the police station. You'll be in prison. He's released after two days after apologizing to the judge and saying that, quote, everything got on top of me. and saying that, quote, everything got on top of me because he says that he moved houses and either he missed the summons or maybe it went to his previous address. Things have been wacky, basically. He's like, look, listen, guy, things are wacky. I don't know.

Shit happens. It's all crazy right now. It got away from me. You know what I mean? I'm at the Playboy Club. I got coins and whores. I don't know what to do with myself. So I got just sex workers coming out of my ass.

I don't know what I'm doing. I can't tell which coins are real. I've got problems. I got nothing. So a warrant was issued for his arrest and that's what happened when he showed up. They arrested him. Now on July 5th, he has a court date after the release when he gets to talk to the judge. And Mr. Registrar Parberry, which is another very British man. Mr. Registrar, I guess he's the registrar and it's Mr. Registrar. Those are which is another very British man. Mr. Registrar. I guess he's the registrar, and it's Mr. Registrar. Those are his titles, I believe, and Parberry is his name. Or his name is Registrar Parberry. I don't know.

I want it to be Registrar Parberry. That would be amazing. Because that's pretty badass. That's a great name. He says about it, quote, if he flouts the laws of the court, he is likely to find the circumstances very uncomfortable. But if he cooperates, he may find his journey through bankruptcy not quite so unpleasant. That sounds like such the nicest, most British threat ever. It does sound.

It's definitely a threat. It's definitely a threat. That's 100% a threat. It's like a kidnapper took you and he goes, but if you fuck me and act like you like it, you may be able to. You may go free. This might not be so unpleasant. Might be quite, might not be quite so unpleasant for you. You never know.

Pretend to enjoy this. That's a threat, though, big time. Now, September 1980 finally has his court for the counterfeit coins. This was two years ago that this happened. So he's finally there. He goes to trial for the counterfeiting. At the end of the trial, he is found guilty of counterfeiting, which he does not plead. He goes the whole route because he's like, shit, whatever, what do I have to lose here?

Give it a shot. Bounce to Spain anyway. He's sentenced to three years in prison for this. That's not so bad. It's not so bad. But for this guy, it's like, oh, that's bad. That's forever. It is tough for something that's not violent, though.

Like any kind of nonviolent where you're like, I'm going to prison, but I didn't even hurt anybody. Right. I made some coins. I didn't even steal the coins from someone. I made them. Guess who didn't even sell them? I gave them to some guys. I made them.

Right. I don't understand it, but whatever. You've got to have something. Plus, he's got the brothel charge, too, which I'm sure didn't help when they were reading off his history. And he's like, oh, and he just got busted after this because he wanted to flee to Spain. He got busted. He's got to finance his trip to Spain that he's not coming back. No, ever.

Right. So now he's 1981. He's in jail. He started off in a jail that he just hated. He said it was horrible and it was dirty and it was much tougher. And then he's moved to Spring Hill, which I guess is a nice jail. And in 1981, in the spring, Jill visits him to tell him that she's pregnant. Oh boy. Uh-oh. Uh-oh is right.

She asks him to petition for a day release so they can marry. That's because I guess you can do that there. Yeah, so he does. She tells him, quote, we've got to get married. It's bad enough putting up with you, Peter, but I'm not being held responsible for another little bastard, which I think is beautiful.

That's amazing. She named him after him. which I think is beautiful. That's amazing. She named him after him. A little bastard. Exactly. That's amazing. I thought that was funny. Peter's excited about the news. He can't wait.

He's been dying for more kids. What the fuck? I guess the Kathy and Natalie, his daughter, he doesn't see them. She doesn't let him see. It's just a bad situation. I know now, like currently, he hasn't talked to her in decades. Not as bad. Now, on April 29th, 1982, he has court for the stolen cars.

He's already serving three years. So this is funny. The judge praises him as a footballer in his decision. Says what a great player he was. I used to watch you. Says nothing to do with the case whatsoever. But this is the judge's very silver-haired, middle-aged, white man, hardcore. He says he sees no reason to extend Peter's sentence.

I mean, sir, you're inconvenienced so much as it is. I don't know why I would keep you more. We can't have that. So he sentences him to two concurrent six-month sentences. So that's to be served at the same time, and he's already got more than, he has like eight months left in jail, so it doesn't matter anyway. Basically, he said, there you go, sir, no worries. Just go serve your eight months and go home.

You provided me with wonderful memories. I'm going to help you out. I, sir, will fuck off. I, sir, will fuck off. You go back and you're fine. You do whatever you want. He's still scheduled now to get out in February of 83. A newspaper article about it said, quote, judges mercy on fallen star.

It's great. And he said, quote, you ran into trouble and adopted this means of putting your sticky fingers on ready cash. Oh, boy. That's wonderful. That sounds like it should be followed by you, sir, may fuck off. But it's not. It's you, sir, are OK and you're a good football player, so you go back to what you were doing. Never mind.

I'll go have my tea now. You, sir, are okay and you're a good football player, so you go back to what you were doing. Never mind. I'll go have my tea now. Good luck. You, sir, don't bother about this. Don't bother. So December 1982, another son is born. Anthony, this is the one that she was pregnant with. God, Jesus. Unbelievable.

So he gets out of prison in 83-ish. He's collecting unemployment for a while. He takes a job in a market stall. Oh, how he's like selling shit. Fucking mighty fallen. And he's going to kind of go back and forth with that. Him and Jill, they get by. He said they have a nice modest house.

She works as a secretary. They live in a small home, but they have like a normal life. They go home. They come home at the end of the night. They spend time together. They love their kids. They spend time with their two kids. They have like a nice little family life for a while.

Middle class. Middle class, exactly. just like him just like his his upbringing maybe one of these kids will be signed away at 15 and yeah led into a life of shit and horror and crime so in september of 1987 a third son is born jamie god jesus four kids three of them he lives with one of them he's never going to see again probably but And by the late 80s, he's working as a real estate trader. And he says he does well too. He's talking about I guess it was a good real estate boom in the late 80s kind of. So he was saying one property he bought for $100,000. He sold for like $140,000 and things like that.

And he was making good profits off of it. He was actually doing well, which is good for him, right? Now, 1990 comes. He's doing that, and he said that's starting to wind down a little bit, his real estate thing. It gets worse here. The bubble's about to burst? Well, not quite.

He's getting a ticket in Soho. He's got a market stall thing, and he's loading up his boxes into the car. Okay. And he's parked on a double yellow line, and there's a female officer, a warden as he calls her, I don't know, whatever. I don't know if that's the proper term or if he was trying to be a dick and refer like she was in prison. She came over and said, hey, you can't park on the double yellow lines. That's an offense.

And he said, oh, I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry, my love. I'll move it. I'll move it. Don't worry about that. She got pissed off at him and said, I'm not your love. Oh, nice. That's a criminal offense.

Get your goddamn car off the shit. So he starts arguing with her a little bit. And he said he got so angry, he just got in his car and left, left half his shit sitting on the curb and everything. He just slammed his trunk and drove off while she was writing him a ticket. Wow. So he's like, fuck this ticket. I'm not taking this ticket. I'm running away. So he drove around for a little while and he looked around. He was looking for her. He didn't see her around. So he came back and parked to get his shit off the curb. He said the second he popped out of his door, there she was with her ticket book in her hand.

Like, oh, yeah, I'm writing you a ticket. So at that point, he started cursing her out basically and calling her every name in the book and all of this shit. This you're not allowed to do. Yeah. You can't call her pernicious. Stop it. You can't say that. No, you can't call her a bastard's bastard.

So he ends up being convicted of using foul and abusive language. Awesome. So he's been kicked out of a game. This is great. They don't have freedom of speech there. You just can't curse over there. It's too abusive language to an officer. But he gets kicked out of a game when he's kicking injured people in the back.

That's okay. But you curse and you're like, bastard, you're gone. And then this over here, this is a big offense. Not anything else he's doing, but this, we need to lock this shit down. So he ends up getting arrested for this, foul and abusive language, and he's sentenced to a 28-day suspended sentence. He also said, though, this ruined, he was done in real estate after that, because this was terrible for his reputation, which had already suffered, and now it shows he's doing it again. And it was not working out. Well, you don't like this house, you motherfucker?

Hey, what do you know? I like this fucking house. This fucking house is beautiful. You know what? You don't deserve this house. How's that? You don't deserve a fucking thing in this house. You live in the gutter, you piece of shit.

Get out of here. And he's kicking him in the ass. But sir. He's all abused. Sir, I don't understand. Get out of my fucking house. I'm not selling you nothing. So, 1990. Yeah. I don't understand. Get out of my fucking house. I'm not selling you nothing. So 1990, an old friend named Jimmy offers Peter an idea to make some money.

Oh, God. Things are slowing down. We know his friend's ideas are really beneficial to him. The plan is to go to Holland and buy some porn. They're going to buy some porn movies. Apparently, there's laws. I don't know what the laws are in England at this time for importing porn, or that you can't have hardcore porn, something porn.

Holland, they don't give a fuck. You can do whatever you want there. And we'll find out, because the plan is to go to Holland and buy some porn movies and plan to pirate what they say is about 50 copies of each and then sell them into the sex shops in Soho, because they're looking for this sort of shit. And they find a guy, a guy named Ron

O'Sullivan, who's a sex shop owner down there. He sounds dirty. Wait till you hear what he does. He sounds filthy. Sounds like he has an unbuttoned shirt with a chain. Oh, yeah. He looks like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, I feel like. He loves to say pussy. Yeah, he's like, you get me something when I see all the pussy I give. I don't know. He's Ron O'Sullivan. He sounds Irish as shit

and I'm giving him like he's a Greek. He's like Cheech out front of the titty twister in Dust Till Dawn. Just every kind of pussy. You want smelly pussy. Very pussy. So they strike up a deal with this pussy monger himself. They strike up a deal to sell.

He'll sell the tapes and his Soho section. He said, whatever you can get, I can sell. I want it. You got porn. I want porn. Fine. Show me pussy. I show you money. Now, O'Sullivan. I want porn. Fine. Show me pussy. I show you money.

Now, O'Sullivan, I don't know who the fuck this is, but if you're a fan of Snooker, which seems like an English thing, he is the father of a big Snooker star named Ronnie the Rocket O'Sullivan. Same as him. That's a dude, obviously. Yeah, if you know who- The Rocket is his cock. The Rocket is his, yeah.

It's his cock from, yeah, his dad's guy. He's like, you use my nickname, Rocket. That's what they called me. They called me in high school, Rocket. It was good. So Peter meets Ron in a pub, and they drink, and Jimmy's there, too. And basically, they find out that a 200-pound investment will net them about 2,000 pounds. All right.

They're like, that's a nice day. 10 times. We can do that in one day. Yeah. That's it. Well, that's like a one-day score. They're like, yeah, we split it. 1,800 bucks a day is great. Or 1,800 pounds, whatever it is. 1,900, that's it. Well, that's like a one-day score. Like, yeah, we split it. 1,800 bucks a day is great.

Or 1,800 pounds, whatever it is. That's fine, especially in 1990. That's fine. So on October morning in 1990, Peter and Jimmy drive in his Suzuki Jeep, as he calls it, which I bet is a Samurai. Samurai. It's a pile of shit. They drive to Dover.

They do the cross-channel ferry to Calais and then drive to Rotterdam in Holland, okay? They end up taking wrong turns and are questioned by the police in Holland. Oh, Jesus. They said it's kind of touchy, but then they let them go. Anyway, they arrive at a giant wholesale porn shop. He calls it, I can't remember, Aladdin's whatever for porn. It's like this crazy thing of porn. They pick out 20 movies. God, it sounds so dirty. It does. It's like this crazy thing of porn. They pick out 20 movies.

You guys sound so dirty. It does. It really does. They pick out 20 movies for 200 pounds, and they pack the videos. They go out back. They drive around back of the warehouse. They're in a paper bag, and they stuff the videos into the spare tire of the Jeep. This is amazing, first of all.

Right now, you can get porn easier than anything else. I could type in any porn name from amateur anal adventures to zesty Latina mamacitas, A to fucking Z, and it would pop up immediately. You're watching it now. On a free video. Meanwhile, I tried to show my son Don Mattingly playing first base, and I can't find a fucking one video of that on the internet. But as much porn as I want, and this guy's getting arrested for it. And this guy's cramming it in a spare tire. Spare tire.

Jesus. So they cram it into the spare tire. How sad is this? Right? That's what I mean. Unbelievable. It feels like it's the 40s, and they're trying to sneak Jews out of Poland. It's like, what is this?

It's porn. This is ridiculous. So they get on the ferry. They return on the late ferry and they're feeling good. They're like, hey, we made it. Once we made it out of Holland, we're good. 1990. Oh, God.

91. 91. Oh, they're all VHSs. They're all fuck tapes. Awful. Terrible. Big giant bushes. This is hilarious.

Not great. This is so funny. Big, giant bushes. This is hilarious. Not great. This is so funny. They're feeling good. They're having drinks on the ferry. Like, ah, we're the porn merchants now. We got fuck videos in that car right there. Fuck videos for everybody. Let's do this.

So they're having some drinks. They arrive in England, and they're like, we made it. They didn't even think about it. It's like an hour drive from there to where they're going. That's no problem. We can get past that. They said they didn't even think about it. It's like an hour drive from there to where they're going. That's no problem. We can get past that. They said they didn't even drink that much. He said, I only had a few drinks because I didn't want this whole thing to end with me

getting busted for drunk driving. That's not going to help any. So they get there. They get to the ferry gets to England. They start to drive off the ramp. And as they're driving off the ramp, they're waved over to the side. Oh, no. Which is never a bad sign at any border.

Never a good sign at any border to be waved over to the side. The customs officers know something is up. Oh, no. Which is never a bad sign at any border. Never a good sign at any border to be waved over to the side. The customs officers know something is up. They basically say right away, we're searching your car. We know. He thinks that the story thinks that the Holland officers tip them off to, hey, keep an eye out for this. They're up to something, basically. And they take the samurai piece by piece apart, looking for everything.

They put the spare tire through an X-ray, an Xray machine and they see a bunch of they can read the titles and everything the size of that bush that's terrible so they he's arrested for large bushed porn he pleads guilty to importing tapes and is jailed for four weeks jesus it's, it's so embarrassing. It's embarrassing. So now he's got counterfeit coins, brothels, and car theft, and porn importation. He's got the most embarrassing shitty crimes ever. Most terrible rap sheet ever. It's so bad. People would have respected him more if he would have just killed his wife. They would have been like, well, I don't know.

Maybe he snapped. Maybe she was just mean. Yeah. So, I mean, he's serving in Canterbury. So now he's serving in Canterbury. For fuck tapes. That's wonderful, man. For fuck tapes.

He's doing time for fuck tapes. There's people that robbed 7-Elevens in there. And he's like, man, I had some fuck tapes in my trunk. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Do you know how many times I've watched Illegal Porn? He didn't even get to jerk off to them.

Nothing. He got busted like... He celebrated with drinks over pirating. And he didn't even pirate yet. No, they were going to copy. He just bought them and took them home. No, this is the equivalent of... Oh my God, this is great.

He's like ready to jerk off and he turns it on. He's ready to go and he doesn't even have his dick out yet and his wife catches him. He got busted just as bad as if he would have gone through with the whole thing, but he got none of the pleasure. That's basically what happened. It's just as bad. It's fucking incredible. It's incredible.

So now he's sitting and now he's back in jail for four weeks. Four weeks in jail. He's really upset. Rono Sullivan, he's like, what happened to that guy? So maybe he gets out of jail. He goes looking for him. He's going through these sex shops. He's looking in windows, and he smells something good.

He smells something. He goes in the door. Where is it? It's the shawarma man. And he says, how is it you've come to arrive here? Why are you here? Signs say close. You don't listen now.

You don't listen. You go, why are you? You got brothel? Why you do that? Girls, they have sex with you if you want, right? You famous. You big man in Playboy Club. Why you do that?

Gold coin? Your money no good here because it's fake. It's fake. You pirate. You pirate. Gold coin. I don't take sack of gold coin. What's wrong with you?

Oh, I take fuck tape. I take. You have fuck tape. Schwarmaman talked to you about fuck tape. We'll talk later. How many you could get? You could get 20, huh? You just go to, and maybe we go to, never mind, never mind.

Sign say close. I make for you, but no. Sign say close. I make, but I not take money. You go. You go. You go. So he leaves.

He's like, well, that was good shawarma, obviously, because no one makes it like the shawarma man. Now, 1991, the next year, Ron O'Sullivan, our shawarma man friend here, he is arrested for stabbing an organized crime figure's bodyguard to death in a Chelsea nightclub. With his own cock. With his own cock. With the rocket. It's sharp, because he's never got those he's waiting for those porns the whole time so he stabs a organized crime guy's bodyguard to

death in public so he ends up being given 18 years to life wow yeah that porn didn't matter to him at that no doubt now early 90s to mid 90s this is where it gets a little years wise it gets this all happened in the 90s is all i know he divorces jill oh no who's been with him she's stuck with him through jail sentences goddamn angel sat at home pregnant while this idiot's in jail and running brothels and porno and everything else and marries a french woman named danielle scoral scoral eddie wait wait wait wait scorch slow that down real quick danielle. She left him and married Danielle? No, he left her. Or she left him and he married Danielle? Okay.

He leaves her. Oh, God, what? He leaves her. He leaves Jill to marry a French woman. She was amazing. She was great. And she's got three kids and everything else. And the French don't shave.

French, no. Daniel, he likes that. Yeah, he likes the bush born. Marries a French woman, like I said, Danielle. Now, 1995, he goes to Istanbul. What? He spends the year in Istanbul as a chauffeur to Hamed bin Khalifa Al Thani. This guy, this is the same year that this man took over as the leader of Kuwait in a bloodless coup.

He took over, wrestled power of Qatar. What? Power of Qatar. He wrestled away from someone else and took over, wrestled power of Qatar. What? Power of Qatar. He wrestled away from someone else and took over the country. And this guy's going to, Story's going to be his chauffeur for a year. This is also, Al-Thani is also the guy who founded Al Jazeera. Wow. The media outlet and also was a middleman in the talks between the United States and the Taliban.

That's a guy you don't fuck with. No. Good God. This guy. So he's going over there. I assume he's probably a soccer fan. That's probably how it happened. But he spends one year over there.

Now, the mid-'90s, by the late-'90s, after Istanbul, Peter breaks up with Danielle and returns to Jill. Why is Jill taking him back? Back with Jill. I don't know. They have three kids, and they said they were going to try to make it work, and he said he made a mistake. I guess he was going back to visit the kids, and things happened, whatever. Now, around 2000, a little after 2000, he leaves Jill and returns to Danielle. This fucking guy can't make his mind up, man.

What the hell is wrong with you? He's bouncing all over the place. He's all over the place. I mean, now he's been – there's girls. Poor Arsenal fans that were like, this guy is my – I i love this guy they had jerseys and shit now that's worthless now they're the the poor people with the coins what happens if you bought some of those coins people that love booze poor jill has been left and found and left and taken back and spitting out kids and trying to get this guy out of prison and all this kids are everywhere that's horrible

the whole country is basically looking at him as a goddamn disgrace. Their pornos are terrible, and no one even got to beat to them. I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy. I really do. I feel terrible. But not nearly as bad as I feel for Peter Story, the director of communications at the nonprofit Kidney Research in the U.K. I thought you were going to say director of pornography somewhere.

That would be amazing. No, he's a nonprofit kidney research center in the U.K. It's in Nottingham. He's a hero. He's a nice guy. Peter Story, director of sleep at Medical Service Company in Buffalo, New York. Peter Story, general manager at Metals Exploration PLC in Perth, Australia. Wow.

Peter Story, plant manager at Manor Global Machinery in Wakefield, UK. He says he has over 15 years experience in site supervision, team management, engineering, plant management, and heavy plant mechanics. And I believe him. I believe him also. No one would make that up. Dr. Peter Story, allergist and immunologist in Auckland, New Zealand. What a terrible, terrible person.

Yeah. And finally, Peter Story, an English rugby player who played for the Featherstone Rovers in 1986, 1987. God, that was hard to find. That poor bastard. That poor bastard. Because you look, yeah, he's right in the mix. Right there. Right there, man.

So in 2004, he moves out of England. Finally, he moves to France with Danielle his fourth wife here it's near a town called Toulouse in southern France I'm sure I said that wrong and I don't give a shit now May 7th 2008 Sotheby's the auction company Sotheby's

auctions off doubles Peter's double medals he sells his medals from 70 and 71 28,000 pounds that's a pretty good payday actually doesn his medals. Whoa, for how much? From 70 and 71. 28,000 pounds. Wow. That's a pretty good payday. Which actually doesn't seem like a lot for that sort of thing. No?

Like if you had like, I guess it does. They're medals. But it was for the double. One is a medal, one's like a plaque. But it's the double. I guess if you're an Arsenal fan, I don't know. I guess you're right. Gave him 28,000 pounds.

I think that's a pretty decent payday. At least he doesn't have to import porn anymore or whatever he's doing. It's the Porn Smugglers Awards. These are fucking great. It's prestigious. It's the most prestigious. Now, September 2010, he releases a tell-all book. Oh.

And this is funny because I got a lot. I found his book and I got a lot out of this. It's funny because I won't allow him to tell me what he did unless it's like, hey, I was talking to my wife and she said that. But crime-wise, I'm like, I don't want to hear your sad story. I'll say he says he did this, but he actually posts in the – he actually writes in the book. There's actual reproductions of the newspaper articles.

So I got to read actually what happened. So that I'll believe, but I'm not believing him. Journalistic. Shit, yeah. Exactly. I'm not going to buy this asshole's shit. It's called – it's a tell-all book, and it's called True Story, spelled like his name, S-T-r-s-t-o-r-e-y uh my life and crimes as a football hatchet man that is two word plays in one title fuck you i don't give a shit about prostitutes or anything else you go fuck yourself for that title fucking asshole he's ready to be a journalist with that bullshit take

your pornography and keep on walking so i fucking tell your story walking, asshole. So October 2010, a month after the release of the book, I don't know if the sales weren't doing great right away. They weren't. So he wanted to try to spike them. He starts talking shit about the current Arsenal coach, Arsene Wenger, whatever his name is. He's calling the team soft. He's saying the team is soft because of this guy's coaching. And he said they've, quote, lost the plot.

Yeah, the publisher told him to say that shit. Yeah, they're like, start some shit. So he says, this is kind of funny, though. He's talking about how they're just pussies on this team. They're soft and everything else. He says, in their own words, quote, hard men, they are virtually extinct in modern football. They have been replaced by a breed who can't tackle. I got away with things which would get me locked up today, but I never broke anyone's leg,

and I don't recall doing anything serious, long-term damage to anyone's career. People like Johnny Giles and myself would never last five minutes now. But he's saying you guys are pussies, basically. So out of all of that, if you love Peter Story, and this has gotten you so excited to hear more about Peter's story and see him, first of all, you can buy his book on Amazon, which is actually a really interesting read. If you're into like soccer shit and you want to hear some wild kind of just fun stories of a guy acting like a jackass on the field and fighting people and stuff. You son of a bitch. Yeah. But it's kind of a decent read, actually. You can buy this.

It's on Amazon. Get past the two word plays. It's $12.99 paperback, $32.95 hardcover. Jesus Christ. And $10.99 on Kindle if you want to do that. And also, too, I found there's a ton of Peter Story memorabilia pictures and signed stuff. I found a really cool Peter Story trading card for only a pound 99. All right.

So that's kind of neat. $15 shipping to the U.S. Jesus. Get out of your fucking goddamn car. So $15 shipping to the U.S. Jesus. Get out of your fucking – that's a goddamn car. So $15 shipping to the U.S. And that's Peter's story. All right. He's currently being an asshole in England somewhere, talking shit about his team.

He's out there. Oh, this guy is walking around. He's actually in France right now. All right. But he's talking shit about Arsenal from another country. Right. He's like, I don't even live there anymore, but fuck that guy. Now, did I sell any books now?

Is that more? They were also talking about making a movie of his life which fell through of course because he's got terrible luck it's terrible the worst luck in the world but guys that is peter's story hope you had fun what a journey my god jesus if you did have fun with that the thing you can do to tell us you had fun with that you can get on itunes right now give us five stars tell us your following instructions directions say bunnies are fluffy we get on iTunes right now. Give us five stars. Tell us your following instructions, directions. Say bunnies are fluffy. We don't give a shit. Give us the five stars.

Like we said, patreon.com slash crimeandsports if you want to give us a donation. And that really, God, we can't tell you how much that helps us out. You can go to PayPal. Our email is at crimeandsports or crimeandsports at gmail.com on there. And also, too, you can get a hold of us on social media. We're going to talk to some of the people. We'll give shout-outs right now for some of the people who did that. You can get a hold of us on Twitter and Instagram at Crime and Sports.

Facebook.com slash Crime and Sports. CrimeandSports at Gmail.com. And these are some of the fine people who have given us the main ones are the Patreon donations because that's just – honestly, that just is the biggest thing you can do. That's amazing. But here we go. Here's some of these fine people. That did that. Steve Schnell, he's a biologist.

I love Steve Schnell. He's the heavy metal professor. Is that what it is? Heavy metal scientist. That's it. Heavy metal scientist. Yeah, yeah. So he donated a Patreon.

So thank you, Steve. Thank you so much, Steve. Harry Lee, L-I. He's an Asian fella. Thank you, Harry. I kind of have a personal connection to him. He didn't understand. He's an Asian guy that didn't understand why the Chinese meatball joke line was so goddamn funny.

Oh, God. Jesus Christ. He didn't find it funny. I wonder why. We're sorry, man. That was silly. So that joke missed him brad higgins uh hunter gavers uh nicola gaskin buffy sykes ellie boys donated thank you i think she upped her patreon and then adam yates who who donates to us on patreon but then he sent us he's so cool this fucking guy had to have donated to Isaiah Ryder's foundation.

He did. Because he donated and he got a foundation card with Isaiah Ryder's autograph on it. And he forwarded it right the fuck to us. He's mailed it to us down at the station. We own that psycho's autograph. So we have to add that to our- And it's sitting right here in front of me. That's amazing.

And on the paper that he sent with it, it says, paintbrush those hoes. Which is a reference to lots of episodes where men can't just slap a woman once. They need to do it back and forth in the paintbrushing fashion, a la Bobby the Brain Heenan. And the people that tweeted at us this week that have been fantastic are Claire Genevieve in Pantops, Virginia, are Claire Genevieve in Pantops, Virginia, Mike MC, Leon Boyne, The Shredder, Karen Morgan, who Jason Fuller actually got her to listen. So thank you very much, Jason. And thanks for listening, Karen.

Chris Humpherson, at MS Scorpia, Miss Scorpia, 1101. That's right. Miss. Young Capital, who is Australia's biggest stoner, I guess. That's what he said, but thank you. And Hallie Bean, Metten, Ibrahim, and Phoebe Miller. She gets so angry with the cliffhanger of small-town murder this week. Hey, man. So she's great, though.

So thank you, guys. Thank you, guys. And Mary Craig, thank you all very, very much for listening. We appreciate you guys. It's been an amazing week. So much. For both. For appreciate you guys. It's been an amazing week. So much. For both. For both podcasts.

We have some possible big announcements we'll bring to you next week that are really cool on the business end of us. Fun developments. You want to give them your social media in case you want to get a hold of them? Yeah, at WismanSucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N sucks. Find me on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. And I'll send shit to you in the middle of the night. Snapchat.

Yeah, creepy shit. Gross. Let's do this. Hit yourself as dick. And I will never, ever, ever, ever. I promise you he will not be creepy. Jimmy's not creepy at all. He'll be like just nice and he's not creepy.

Send me something funny. He's not like other podcasters that have gotten a reputation over the last couple of years or so. We're not like that. No. It's fine. I'm a father. He's a father. He's a nice guy.

Well, so is Peter Story. We're on a brothel. Good point. Good point. So Vernon Maxwell was a father. He's a father. He's a nice guy. Well, so is Peter Story running a brothel. Good point. Good point. So Vernon Maxwell was a father, Jimmy. Hard body Harrison had four kids, Jimmy. I don't smuggle pornography. I beat off to it over the toilet.

Good for you. That's nice. Nice and clean and everything. You can get a hold of me. I am at Jimmy P is funny. And if you want to get very adventurous, you can try to spell my last name and do that. That's a good time. But please do that.

Get a hold of us. And until then, guys, we will see you next week live from the Crime and Sports studios. We'll see you next week. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey. The wait is over. So far, you're not losing.

The only thing you're losing is my patience. Quickly, I see that. Bing! The queen of the courtroom is back. I didn't do anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up

and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. OK, so, um. This is not a so.

This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am.

I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head. It's an all new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice.

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