Crime in Sports - #64 - Killers Are Sometimes Golden - The Deceptiveness of Keli Lane

Episode Date: April 18, 2017

This week, we look at a woman who came from a prominent family, and had an extremely bright future ahead of her, if only she didn't end up with that pesky murder charge. From the outside, she looked like the perfect person, but that's only because no one knew that she was lying to everyone, about everything, including her family,police, judges, lawyers, boyfriends, medical personal, adoption agency staff, and probably even herself. It's a crazy story, packed with a warm, chewy, juicy, murderous center. Work hard to be an Olympian, hide all your pregnancies, and lie about imaginary people with Keli Lane!! Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman New episodes every Tuesday!!Please subscribe, rate, and review!Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Head to shutupandgivememurder.com for all things Crime in Sports!For merchandise: crimeinsports.threadless.comCheck out James and Jimmie's other show: Small Town Murder Follow us on social media!Facebook: facebook.com/crimeinsportsInstagram: instagram.com/smalltownmurderTwitter: twitter.com/MurderSmall Contact the show: [e-mail] on Patreon: patreon.com/crimeinsportsPayPal: paypal.me/crimeinsports See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Discover all the best in audiobooks, podcasts, and originals featuring authentic Canadian voices and celebrity talent, like Brendan Fraser and Luke Kirby's latest sci-fi adventure, The Downloaded. A first listen is waiting for you when you start your free trial at audible.ca. on the Mr. Ballin Podcast, now available wherever you get your podcasts, you'll hear strange, dark, and mysterious stories about inexplicable encounters, shocking disappearances, true crime cases, and everything in between. So go listen to Mr. Ballin Podcast, strange, dark, and mysterious stories on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Crime and Sports. Yay! Yay, indeed, Jimmy.

My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you folks so much for joining us this week. You've chosen, if this is your first episode, you have chosen a doozy and you've chosen correctly, so stick around. It's going to be a lot of fun. I would like to thank everyone for their iTunes reviews this week.

Guys, it's huge. How big is it, Jimmy? It's bananas. It's huge and it's what we need. We crave the iTunes reviews. And they're growing. They're growing. Thank you, guys. And it's not just because we want to hear nice things said about ourselves. Just give us five stars. You can say following directions. These guys are assholes. We don't care. But it helps us out on the business

end so, so much to get the five stars and just the reviews. The ones saying these guys are assholes are my favorite. They are because they're usually like, they're assholes and I love them. So we're fine with that. We love it. Thank you guys so, so much for doing that for us. If that's not enough for you guys, if you need to show your love deeper and harder than that, you can get on Patreon.

Patreon.com slash crime and sports and you can drop us a donation there. And those are I can't even tell you how much those are appreciated. Also, too, if you're just you want to a one-time donation, you can go to PayPal. Our PayPal is crimeandsports at gmail.com. You can do that. But if you don't want to do any of that, you should do the iTunes reviews at least. But if you don't want to do any of that,

you can just sit back and check out this crazy-ass story that we have for you. But please, but please, but please help me get James some health insurance. That would be nice. I'd really enjoy it. I'd like to not drop dead. And if you guys like the show,

you should probably care about my well-being because Jimmy's not doing this stag of shit at all. No. No, he's got other shit to do. He's got a wife and everything else. Help me nickname James Welchek. Please, yes. I want James Welchek Petrigallo. That would be excellent.

Now welcome to the stage, James Welchek Petrigallo. Hey, that's me, everybody. James Blue Cross Blue Shield Petrigallo. Let's not get crazy. Blue Cross Blue Shield here. Come on. I'm looking for some basic coverage here. Let's not get crazy. Blue Cross Blue Shield here. Come on. I'm looking for some basic coverage here. Let's not go nuts.

Just help me. I don't need a copay that I can afford or anything like that. It's okay. Also, too, would love to thank Dan Cummins for coming on the show last week. Hope you guys enjoyed him. Well, honestly, we're not big on guests, and we know a lot of comics and things like that, but we don't do guests. We just don't.

We have going on we think is a dynamic that we don't really want to mess with and have people interfere with but dan is a friend of ours dan we love his podcast and he's so supportive he's so supportive and we were doing shows them all weekend and he fit in just so perfectly with us that we had to have him on well he's listened to every show too so funny anyway so's so funny, anyway. So thank you guys for... Thanks, Dan. Thank you to Dan, actually. Never mind you guys. You should be happy thanking Dan. You're welcome for us bringing you Dan Cummins. Definitely. You should listen to his podcast, his Time

Suck podcast, because it's really, really funny. And if you haven't listened to it, we were on there last week talking about Caligula. Crazy. What a story. It's an insane story. And also, too, Trevor Burbick on ours last week was wild. How crazy. Wow.

Do you know that happened? Any of that stuff? None of it. None of it. And the amount of tweets with the YouTube video of Holmes jumping cars is bananas. That's so crazy. To see a 6'5", 250-pound trained fighter just run up on cars and leap off of someone like it's the top rope is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life.

And you described it. And I was like, yeah, I'd like to see that. And then Dan like lost his shit. He's like, I want to see that. And I was like, I actually do too now. Like much more. You need to see that. Yeah.

And it was just how I described it. He just leaps off. It's crazy. He leapt like feet first too. Like the two footed, like an eight year old jumps off the couch. He was doing like a Coco Beware top rope drop kick. That's a very deep 80s wrestling reference for you guys. But that's what he was doing like a Coco Beware top rope drop kick. That's a very deep 80s wrestling reference for you guys. But that's what he was doing.

I don't know what the hell was going on with him. But you know, like I said last week, you know you've pissed a boxer off when he starts feet first kicking you, jumping off of shit. Two feet. You have pissed him off. Two feet. His brain can't process, I'm mad, throw a punch. He's like, I just hit him with the first thing I can. My leg's longer than my arm, pal.

And it's a two foot kick he jumps and sacrifices everything he's got his whole body he throws two feet at the man it's all Jenny from Jacksonville everybody if you have any problems out there your husband your wife anything

like that they come down on you if you're younger your parents just say look Jenny from Jacksonville fuck me all up. I don't know what to do. It's not my fault. My wife told a lie and this is what happened. I can't believe you said that.

My wife told a lie. That was wild. But our athlete tonight, you know what I'm saying? Athlete. I'm not using a pronoun on this because it's a woman. We have a woman tonight. Surprise. Number two.

It's our second woman. Actually, you can kind of count Craig Titus' girlfriend there, Annette Johnson, also. I think you can put her in the mix. But if not, this is our second official woman. And we've had a lot of people ask, why don't you do women? Why don't you do more women?

Women ask us all the time. That's the funny part. They want to see women criminals because you don't fuck up as much. That's why. It's plain and simple. Look at athletes. First of all, most of the athletes are male, just in numbers game.

And then most of them, they're more aggressive. They're different. Female athletes don't do shit like this. They really don't. Most of the time, female athletes, they've had their shit together their whole life to be a good athlete and have it all together. And not just that, but the female athlete, in terms of WNBA, when I see them arrested,

it's for DUI or smacking their girlfriend. It's nothing crazy. It's nothing like this. It's never wild murderous tales of crazy, which is what we have tonight, a crazy tale. This is wild, and we're delving into several new things tonight. So bear with us on this at all times, because we're going to go to Australia, and the whole thing is nuts. Let's do it. I'm fascinated with Australia.

This is a wild story. We're going to talk about Kelly Lane. Okay. K-E-L-I, Lane. Yes, she's a young lady from Australia. She's born in Manly, Australia. That's just like it sounds, Manly. Manly, Australia.

It's near Sydney. It's basically a suburb of Sydney. It's an affluent little beach town. It's like Manhattan Beach, basically, is what she grew up in, if you want to compare it to something like that. Yeah, it's a surfing, kind of beachy, upscale, very, very kind of affluent, wealthy town. She's born March 25th, 1975. Let's see. I'm going to have to, by the way, I'm going to have to avoid a couple things here tonight. I'm going to have to avoid trying to give her special treatment.

Because that's what I do. It's a weird thing. Because you're a gentleman. That's why. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. I want to give a lady the benefit of the doubt. People are going to say, that's sexist, but it's just a thing that's in your brain where we think men are more awful than women when it comes to shit. We do. We just think, well, he's a scumbag and he's awful and she's probably

more honest. This is not the case. There's no difference between Eileen Wuornos and Ted Bundy. No. No difference. And there's a lot of things where we're going to draw parallels. This is just, we're going to treat her just like a male athlete. That's all. It's the only way we can do this and not sound like assholes, basically.

Just do it. We're going to have to just treat her like everybody else. Like when, you know, a male athlete goes out and impregnates seven people, we're like, you asshole, put your goddamn dick back in your pants. When someone does the similar thing on a female side, we're going to have to, I don't know, put your uterus back in your, I don't know, uterus sleeve. Put your piss flaps away.

Put your piss flaps away. So Kelly's born into an accomplished family. Yeah. Very upscale, very athletic family also. She's raised, like I said, in Manly near Sydney in the beach. It's a huge beach town for surfing. It's like a famous area for surfing. It's a very expensive area.

It's ranked Australia's 25th most expensive suburb. So it's very affluent. I mean, how many suburbs are in Australia? Probably more than 25. Yeah, it's a lot. There has to be. There's at least 25. Sydney's a huge city.

There's tons of cities all around it. And this is a very affluent one. I'm just thinking in terms of like in L.A., there's I mean, there's a lot of suburbs, but that's one of the largest cities in America. Even if you were in the if you were the top 25th, if you're the 25th highest, most expensive suburb in L.A., that'd still be very expensive. You know what I mean? It's just trying to think of how many how many big cities are in Australia, too. There's a Brisbane, Sydney, and... Melbourne.

Everything else. Yeah. And Sydney. We don't know shit. Perth. I know three. Yeah, Perth. There's another one.

That comes up later in the story or else I wouldn't have pulled that out of my ass. Trust me. All right. Trust me on that. I don't know a lot about Australia, but what I do know about, I'm fucking fascinated with. Oh, yeah. That's the other thing, too. We're going to fuck up a lot of things about Australia.

We're going to screw up tons of stuff. We're going to be wrong about things. But we're going to try. And you know what? We're a day behind you guys. We don't know. OK? We're trying our best here.

I can do only so much from Phoenix, Arizona to find out about Australia. I'm not going to go there because Patreon doesn't make that much. Let's put it that way. Her father is a famous guy. This is her silver-haired middle-aged white man, by the way, the father is a famous guy. This is her silver-haired, middle-aged white man, by the way, the father. Oh, God. This guy, Robert Lane, his name is. Silver-haired, middle-aged white man.

Usually the father's not the silver-haired, middle-aged white man. It's only in a few cases that we've had Arch Leaster a couple of times like that, but most of the time it's not. He's known as Moose. That's his nickname. That's her dad's nickname. That's her dad's nickname. He's a big guy. He's a tough guy. Very famous in the area. Does she call him Moose or That's his nickname. That's her dad's nickname. That's her dad's nickname. He's a big guy. He's a tough guy.

Yeah. Very famous in the area. Does she call him Moose or does she call him dad? She probably calls him dad. I'll bet she calls him Moose. Actually, from recorded phone conversations, I know she calls him dad. All right. Because surprise, she's under serious investigation later.

And they'll be recorded on all of her phone calls. Yeah. He's very famous. Huge in the area. He's a pioneer of the Australian surf scene. Okay. He's one of these guys. He's very much like a Jack Roland Murphy was, which we covered, I think, episode 20-something, episode 19, something like that. Square Broads and Floating Bodies, I think was the name of it.

This is the type of – he's like the Australian version of that. In the early 1960s, he and Glenn Ritchie and Nipper Williams – that's all of a name, Nipper Williams, they were known as the Bower Boys. They were famous surf because they surfed near the reef break at the Ferry Bower. Oh, OK. I'm sitting there. I'm on edge. Where the fuck is the word Bower? Why do they get called that?

That's it. I was like, did they forget the Y and the Bowery Boys? I don't know what happened here. So in 1963, Robert actually comes in third at the inaugural Australian Championships of Surfing at Bondi Beach. So that's what I mean. He's that much of a pioneer of the whole thing that he's at the first championship. Not only that, he places.

Yeah. Not too shabby. And Bondi's beautiful. That's a major destination for people. That's nice. It's one of the most crowded popular beaches. I do know that. It's the 19th most expensive suburb, and I have no idea

if that's the truth or not. But Jimmy looked at me like, how the fuck did you know that? I was blown away. I was shocked. You were shocked. I should have just went with it. Nobody would have checked. Not one of you would have checked. Even people in Australia would be like, that's a fascinating information fact. Wow, that's amazing. They're really doing that research. Jason's really

digging in. That's not bad. After surfing, he was a rugby player now. So now he's not only a big professional surfer and a big famous guy for that, now he's going to be a rugby player and make himself even more of an icon to everybody here. And this is Moose. This is the Moose. This is the Moose. He's a rugby player for Manly, where they're from.

They're known as the Marlins. That's the team nickname, the Manly Marlins. I hope they do better than the Florida Marlins. That's the team nickname, the Manly Marlins. I hope they do better than the Florida Marlins. The team has been around since 1906. This is not a new thing. Rugby there is just as established as sports are. They love it.

They love it. Absolutely. Holy shit, do they love it. They seriously love it. And I don't know the difference between rugby and Australian rules football, which look exactly the same to me. It's the same stupid looking fucking lopsided ass ball that looks like a jug of milk that someone's carrying under their arm while a bunch of white guys try to tackle each other. Where's your black people?

Where's your fucking black people? You want me to respect your sport? You get some fucking black people in there. I'm sorry, because I know for a fact that's not the best you can do. I know it, because guess what? If we took some of our guys from the NBA and we trained them for fucking five minutes to play rugby, they would crush all of you. Crush you.

Get those indigenous guys that make that amazing art and get those guys to play. Because I bet they're playing better than you. LeBron James would just leap over you. Couldn't tackle him. He'd just be bounding you fucking people. Five foot ten Australian guys. Like, I don't know what happened. It's ridiculous.

Bounce off of your tiny white heads. But you love rugby and we'll respect your love of rugby. They really do. We talked about rugby in a Mark Session episode and I still know very little about it. Just like then I know there's a scrum which sounds like a taint and that's about all I got. I get a lot

of shit though. Yeah, a lot of shit. I get a lot of shit. Whenever we cover anything I get a lot of shit from people sending me that's like trying to explain to me the rules of rugby and I'm I really want to know. I'm being honest. I want to know.

I tried my best, and I think I dipped about it as deep as I need to. You know, maybe I'm going to learn it all, and then the next time we cover one, because we're going to, it's going to happen. You tell me all about rugby. When you bring something up, I'll be like, you know what? That's an interesting question, James. That's true. I happen to know that. That's the 19th most wealthy suburb.

Exactly. So he plays in the late 60s for Manly. He would later coach the team in the late 70s. I mean, he's even the coach. Like, he's hardcore, like, famous and respected. Yeah. He's very respected. Then he would take some time off when he joins the police force.

What? The Manly police force. He becomes a detective. So now he's a police detective and a famous athlete. He's like some sort of – it's like a little kid couldn't just like watched a bunch of movies and they couldn't decide what their fantasy was. They're like, I want to be a rugby player. And then they watch like a detective movie and they're like, no, no, no, I want to be

a detective. That's what he's doing. He's Australian Shaq. That's pretty much what he is. That's what Shaq did. Except he's not just dicking off with a badge and being like, hey, I'm Shaq. He's actually a detective, like a working cases. Hey, put your seatbelt on. Yeah, put your seatbelt on. Whatever. That's the best Shaq I got. I don't have, I'm Shaq. He's actually a detective, like a working case. I'm like, hey, put your seatbelt on.

Yeah, put your seatbelt on. Whatever. That's the best Shaq I got. I don't have, I can't get that low. And I can't make myself mumble to that extent either. And I can't like blend all the words together like that. We'll work on it. Sounds like radio static.

That's his voice. That is a good, it is a radio static-y kind of voice. So he, like I said, he takes some time off to become a police detective. Then in 86, 87, he says, I'm going to, I have time in my detecting work that I'm also going to coach Manley again. So he comes back, coaches him more. So that's what I mean. This is how established they are.

Everyone knows who he is. Maybe he should have been around to raise his daughter a little better. Well, yeah, he was, he's a tough guy too. That's the other thing. We're going to wish he paid more attention to her. We really are. A former player of his said that this is so funny to everything from Australia. Nobody will give their name in an argument.

It's always an anonymous quote. Someone who didn't want to be named. What are you humble or are you just fucking scared? What is your problem over there? They're very laid back and humble. I feel like it's humble. Like I feel like they're like, I don't want to make a big fuss. It's like, no, put your goddamn name on

this shit so I know who you are. I don't want to cause a scene. Nobody. Nobody attributes to shit. It's enough humility. I saw him rape Sheila. I saw him rape her. I'm not going to say who I am, though. He says that Robert Lane was no nonsense as a coach, and he says, quote, Lane was a real old-style head

kicker. He was a rough, tough copper, and that reflected in his coaching style. So he's a mean, rough, tumble dude who scares the shit out of the players, basically, because he's a cop, too. They're like, this guy's crazy. He's packing heat on the sidelines, which isn't normal. That would be scary as a guy that's running from the police, and you know that that fucking guy plays rugby. He is the police.

And he's the police. Yeah, he's a bad dude. It's fucking scary. Yeah, very scary. Like I said, extremely well- the police. And he's the police. Yeah, he's a bad dude. It's fucking scary. Yeah, very scary. Like I said, extremely well-respected. Kelly completely in his shadow. Kelly and her brother also, both very much in his shadow. Okay.

Because, as you can imagine, they're- It's a big one. It's a big shadow. It's a big moose shadow. And they're very frightened to disappoint him. Yeah. Always. That's what it is.

The mother, Sandra, was a local water polo coach. So good athletic stock were coming through here. She also played water polo, but at the time they got married and Kelly was born, she was a coach of water polo. Kelly, very into sports from an early age. Of course. She took to it right away, as I'm sure she was forced to. I'm sure she really had no choice in the matter. But still, she took to it and was good at it.

She's an athletic girl. You can look at her and go, she looks like an athlete. She was a very good swimmer, which leads her to water polo and a passion for water polo. Now, let's talk about water polo for a moment. I have never cared to

or watched or noticed water polo in my entire life, and I'm going to tell you something embarrassing because this is stupid. As dumb and as hacky as this is, the moment I read water polo in my entire life and I'm going to tell you something embarrassing because this is stupid as dumb and as hacky as this is the moment I read water polo I immediately pictured people on horses in a pool with the horses completely submerged. Oh you're so naive.

It's so hacky but that's, no I didn't think of it like that's what it is. That's the first visual that popped into my mind. I thought you were just telling us that you're an idiot. That was the first visual no that was the first visual that popped in my mind. The joke of how their horse is not driving. That's the visual that popped in my mind.

If I just say strawberry, a strawberry pops in your head. I pictured people on horses, and I'm like, that's not how this works at all. You pictured water polo and you're like, Seabiscuit. I know that's not how it works, so I had to look into it. Seems to be a huge deal in australia i gotta tell you but it's said on there on the one thing i read that it's very popular in australia europe united states i'm like it is not popular in the united states here's something i know somebody that played it in college and uh he's a comedian uh you know him dave williamson played in college

he seems like he played water polo and when when when i found out that he played water polo i'm gonna be honest i lost a little respect for him. It's one of those things. It's ridiculous, this sport. I was like, what the fuck are you doing, man? This sport is the stupidest shit I've ever seen. I know everybody loves water polo. This is coming from an ignorant moron, so whatever.

But it really just looks like what would happen if you threw 14 teenagers in a pool, like a bunch of 15-year-old kids, and you just threw a volleyball in there and they had a couple nets on each end. This is the game that would break out. It's not a sport. What it says to me is I really like lacrosse, but I don't want to hurt anybody with that stick and I don't like to sweat. That's what it is to me.

But I like to kick my legs and swim like crazy. That's it. Apparently. I'm sure you've got to be athletic as fuck to do it. And Dave is probably a much better person than I am. We know he's a better person. But that goes without saying. But when I saw it, I was like, come on, Dave, you're better than that.

But that's what I mean. Between the two of us, we've met tons of people in America. We've met, we've known one person who's participated in this. So popular, I wouldn't really call it here in the States. The water polo Australia has 13,000 likes on Facebook. So that's a good thing. I guess that's a lot. They're killing it.

I don't know. They seem to be killing it. It's more likes than I have. More than us. So fuck it, I guess. It's a little bit silly here. When you look up water polo on Wikipedia, by the way, it says the see also list is wonderful. See also swimming, synchronized swimming, water volleyball, and water aerobics.

That tells you your sport sucks if your see also is fucking water aerobics. That's not a sport. See also something elderly people do so they don't die. Exactly, so they don't get blood clots. Perfect. Jesus Christ. That's hysterical. Unreal.

There's four quarters in a water polo match, which is nice. At least they don't do any goofy shit like we do. We do seven quarters. None of that shit. Four quarters. Seven players on each team. That's how it works. There's six in the field or water or whatever the hell you want to say.

Six people on each team trying to get the ball back and forth. Imagine a giant soccer field in the water. And then there's a goalie on each side. This is the whitest fucking sport ever. Oh, you can't get a whiter sport than this. Their mascots are like white privilege and savings fund. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

That's a college fund. Here's my buddy college fund. Here he is. It's insane. Trust fund over here. This is perfect. They play in a seven foot deep pool. Wow.

The whole thing. So you got, there's no, no one's running. This is all swimming. That sounds terrible. The cardio involved in it. No one's running. This is all swimming. That sounds terrible. The cardio involved in it. It's water soccer is what I've been calling it for three days while I've been looking at this. You need serious cardio here. Somehow they've

found a way to turn soccer whiter. That's what they've done. Yeah, they have. They're like, the Mexicans won't intrude on this, damn it, like they've done on our precious soccer. I dare South America to get involved in this shit. Build a pool. I dare you.

Do it. So they're playing ocean polo. Have to get so much chlorine. Oh, ridiculous. So they basically, it's basically they take six people on each side. They throw the ball around like soccer, except with your hand throwing the ball until they try to throw it in a net. It's the goofiest.

It looks like just a recreation sport on a Saturday. It's like badminton. Right. Like there should be no professional badminton. It's the goofiest. It looks like just a recreation sport on a Saturday. It's like badminton. There should be no professional badminton. It's so stupid. It has been the men's water polo has been an Olympic sport since 1900. Get out of here. So this has been considered a sport for over 100 years somehow.

They play this shit in the Olympics. In the Olympics they play this. It's insane. I had no idea. Neither did I. I had no clue. It's not on TV because it's just a bunch of people swimming, throwing a volleyball back and forth. There are positions in this, but the players switch a lot while playing.

So it's not even real specialized. It's like Shaq would go play point guard. You know what I mean? It's like there's just no – because it's in the water and it doesn't matter. You're just throwing a ball around. Everybody looks the same and everybody constantly has chlorine in their eyes. No one even knows what's happening. And by the way, if you're 7'2 two you would kill at this game i would think so yeah

because you can touch the fucking bottom you're not allowed to touch the bottom oh is that right yeah you have to stay above the water oh you have to stay it's ridiculous game is dumb uh the goal the goalie is allowed as we'll see here the goalie starts a lot of the plays like the goalie gets a lot of assists they're like the rebounder they're like a guy who throws a good outlet pass, you know, type of thing here. And that guy's got the worst job in the pool. He's just got to sit back there and tread water. Well, he doesn't have to tread water because the goalie is allowed to do a couple of things here. He's allowed to touch the ball with two hands.

That's allowed. He's allowed to punch the ball with a clenched fist, like a volleyball style. And he's allowed to touch the bottom of the pool. I don't know if it's shorter over there so the goalies don't have to just float while they stand there or if they can go down and push. I don't know what the deal is, but I imagine it's shorter. Does he have floaties or something in there? Yeah, they give him little swimmies.

Some waterways. Yeah, his mom puts them on him and Velcros him in there. So he can touch the ball with two hands and he can punch it. Nobody else gets to do that? No, no one. One hand, throw it. So you've got to like catch it with one hand? This is so ridiculous.

It's so stupid. I put it. The goalie too. I'm like, do they have, is it shallower over there? Or are they just, do they have like some lost tribe of eight foot tall goalie water polo people in Australia? I've got so many questions. Wandering the outback.

Ridiculous. They say there's a lot of injuries in water polo. I'm sure there is. But mainly it's just elbows to the face. Oh. Because everything else is underwater. I was going to guess like pulling a hammy. Not even.

It's just elbows. Elbows to the, you got him once in a while. Oh, he got me a little bit. Yeah, I think my nose is bleeding. That's an injury. Or you cramped up because you ate before, 30 minutes before you got in the pool. Yeah. That'll happen.

They actually list sunburn as an injury risk in the sport. They're like injuries, elbows to the face, this, that, sunburn. I'm like, OK, that's not. No, sorry. It's not a sport if one of your injuries is cured with sunblock. That's the thing. Injury. No, done.

Yes. 1956 Summer Olympics, something very interesting happened. There's a semifinal match between Hungary and the Soviet Union known as the Blood on the Water match, which sounds like what it is. During the game, the Hungarian Revolution started during the games, the Olympic Games that year. They had a Hungarian Revolution. The USSR had taken over Hungary. They were part of them. Hungary's tried to have a revolution.

The Russians crushed it. This is what happened while the games were happening, while the Olympic games were going on. So during the game, a Soviet punched one of the Hungarians. Oh, wow. And the Hungarians in the crowd went ballistic. I'm sure. They wanted to kill this guy because they just put down the revolution. Now they're punching one of their water polo players.

Enough shit is enough here. Hungary is up 4-0 in the game when the game is called in the final minute so the Hungarian fans wouldn't lynch the Soviet player. They literally called up, they told the players, and they called up by surprise like, OK, go off out of the water. Everybody fucking runs, and they're like, oh, no, we wanted to kill him.

Where did he go? That'd be the equivalent. Passion. Yeah, that's the equivalent of like a North Korean punching Charles Barkley. Pretty much. Yeah, that would be a sad day for that little tiny North Korean. That would start some stuff, I'm sure, in the stands. Barkley would have just thrown him through a window and tossed him.

So in school, he goes to, she goes to, he. See, I'm so used to saying he. I'm going to do this a lot. Kelly, old Kelly, goes to McKellar Girls High School in Manly. It's a 7 through 12 grade school. It's named after Australian poet Dorothea McKellar, which we have no schools here named after poets at all. They're all named after war generals or a president. Poets generally get their names on like a rehab.

Pretty much, yeah. They get their names. It's a good place for a poet's name, actually. All the heroin they've ingested. Exactly. I think they can understand. And also, too, the poetry makes these people sad and maybe makes them want to, well, I was going to say shoot up less, but it'll probably make them want to shoot up more.

This is a bad, it's just going to keep self-fulfilling this whole thing. It's terrible. This school here, the McKellar Girls High School, is ranked as the number three top comprehensive school in New South Wales in 2015. So that's like the third best school in the state, basically. That sort of thing. Her family puts a lot of pressure on her to be great at things because they're great at things. Yeah.

And they're also known as they're great at things, and their reputation means everything to them. This family— Everything Moose does, he excels at. He excels at. And this family, he does not want them disappointing him ever. And their kids know it. They do not want to be disappointments. They don't.

She is known. She does not want to be an embarrassment, basically, because that's his thing that he says to them all the time is don't embarrass the family. Don't embarrass the family. Was he Italian? No, Italians wouldn't give a shit. We don't care. We'd talk.

She'd be like, hey, fucking Frankie's an asshole. You know what I mean? Like, we had a cousin that, you know, he's like a heroin addict. We don't care. We'd talk, should be like, hey, fucking Frankie's an asshole. You know what I mean? Like we had a cousin that, you know, he's like a heroin addict. And that was fine. I was like, hey, well, tough shit. You guys weren't embarrassed? I don't know. It's not our problem.

I see Italians doing that shit, just being like, don't embarrass me. If it's your brother, you don't embarrass me. But that's if you're going into someplace. Don't act like a jerk off in here. People know me. But you can't control what your brother does if he shoots heroin. That's his fucking problem. So he doesn't want to be an embarrassment in here. People know me. But you can't control what your brother does if he shoots heroin. That's his fucking problem. So he doesn't want to be an embarrassment.

Parents were big socialites. This is the problem, man. This is one thing I got to say, and this will make sense as the story goes on. This is why white trash is better. I'm going to say this right now. Better than what? Than these society fucks. I would rather have white trash.

Oh, my God. That's the greatest lead to any argument I've ever heard. White trash is better. It is because there's no embarrassment. The argument wasn't even in place yet. You just go, this is why white trash is better. It is. The whole rest of the show is an argument for this.

The whole rest of the show, I'm going to tell you why white trash is better than this, because they don't have any shame. White trash might do shit that's terrible, but they don't care. They just do it, and at least you know they did it. They don't have to hide things because they're so worried about being embarrassed. They don't give a shit if they're embarrassed. There's no shame. They don't care.

They'll go to the Piggly Wiggly in their fucking pajamas with four kids hanging off them. They don't give a shit. Shirtless and shoeless. Shirtless, shoeless, and arguing about it. What you mean I can't come in with no shoes on? What's wrong with you? These people, it's way different. This is an argument you've had in your head for the past week as you're investigating this.

You're just going, this is why white trash is bad. I have. I've been going, this is the problem right here. This is the problem. I'm telling you guys. It's ridiculous, man. I've never been more proud to be white trash. You should because you wouldn't

do this. You would not do this. You'd eat the shit and take it to him. I'm trying to calm down. They'd go to parties. The parents would go to all the big parties, the big society parties, and they would always inevitably come around to bragging about their kids. Bragging about how successful they are,

how successful they're going to be, their bright future. They see the kids as an absolute reflection of them you fuck up you're it's reflecting on me completely uh a family friend about early about her life we have a quote from a family friend who of course would not give his name obviously you humble motherfuckers you uh seriously you humble bastards he said the kids were in constant fear of Moose, of Robert. Constant fear of him, basically. He said that Kelly and her brother Morgan were, quote, Kelly and her brother Morgan were petrified of their dad. She was so scared of failing him, whether it be at school or sport or anything. Yeah.

So that's, it's total silver-haired middle-aged white man. It's the same thing with guys. We're going to get the same result. When you do this to someone, you are going to get the same result. The gender does not matter at all here. That's what's amazing. It's 1992. It's her senior year of high school. That's the last grade.

I don't know if you call it senior year of high school in Australia or wherever else, but last grade. Her family is impressed with her dedication. She's doing well in school. She's doing great in sports. Water polo, she's crushing it. Top water polo player. They're very proud. They're very proud of everything they can see

on the surface. No embarrassment. No embarrassment. But what they don't know is that she loves to party. Awesome. Loves to party. And there's nothing wrong with that. She's 17 and we talk about this with the athletes all the time, but when they're 17 and they love to party, put it this way, if this is a football player, he's 17.

They're very impressed with him on the field. But he loves to party. We go, oh, shit. This is not going to turn out well. This is too early for that. Here's something. My sister loved to party in high school. Loved it.

She right now is dating a porn star. And when she told me his name, I was like, I'm not even going to Google that because I don't want my phone to get a virus. And she told me she met him at a very prestigious award thing here in Vegas. And she told me he was getting. Does your sister want this information? I don't give a shit. I don't care. My sister's boyfriend was getting the Lifetime Achievement Award in pornography.

He got the Michael Jackson. That's too much. That's too much fucking. That's just too much. Listen, the Lifetime Achievement Award in porn is not having AIDS. That's the Lifetime Achievement Award. Your dick didn't fall off. Congratulations. I'd like to congratulate Jimmy's sister for

taking a cock the size of a child on a nightly basis. Good lord. My point is, when you love to party, bad things happen. Yes, you end up with giant dick guys who've had sex with thousands of people. Exactly. This is what happens here. She loves to party.

She has a relationship. She has a boyfriend in high school, a kid named Aaron Tyak. They're together for two years total. They start dating when she's a senior in high school. 1992, while they're dating, she's partying. She gets pregnant. This is what we don't have with male athletes because they can't get they would if they could trust me they'd be knocked up left and right they're in their disaster but she gets pregnant and this is this is a problem that's a

problem for sports especially water polo that's also a problem for her family she's in high school that's an embarrassment this is gonna this is gonna be an embarrassment this is a big uh-oh what do we do here what do you think she see now, now that I feel, this is what I'm saying. This is why I say I have to fight to not give her just the benefit of the doubt for her gender. I'm in my head going, oh, poor young girl. She's a poor young girl because at this point, she is. She's just a 17-year-old kid who made a mistake. Things happen. And you know what? I could even give her the benefit of the doubt and say she didn't even make the mistake. He could have said, I'm wearing a condom. Yeah.

Or he could say, yeah, I got out in time. It's also on him because he's a fucking asshole for leaving it in too long. True. But you also have to mind the fort, I feel like, at some point. Take a little responsibility and eat some pills. You have to mind the fort here. Something. Eat something.

I don't know what you have to eat. But either way, I feel bad for her at this point. But I have to treat her just like the male athletes who can't stop making fucking kids. That's the problem. Right now, poor young girl, if you turn it off right now and go, these guys are dicks and they're saying things about a 17-year-old girl, listen for another half hour. You don't fucking say that.

Okay? Keep listening because you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about. Stick around because this gets way worse. So she has an abortion for that, which, fine, good. She's 17. Don't ruin your goddamn life. People I know, we have listeners that are conservative, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's fine.

You'll entitle it to your opinion. I don't want some 17-year-old girl fucking up her life completely. Here's the other thing. It's none of your business. She's in Australia. Yeah, it doesn't matter. She's not even a citizen. You have no say in anything.

No matter who you put on the Supreme Court, it's not going to control this shit. It's not your concern. Sorry. Not your concern. No control. She continues to play water polo and party while this is going on. The boyfriend knew about the pregnancy. That's it.

Nobody else. Really? Nobody else. Didn't tell parents. Didn't tell shit. Had a quick abortion, in and out. Just keeps going. She keeps going out with Aaron, but she likes dudes.

She's very much a male athlete in a female body. She likes dudes. But it's fine. I mean, women, she likes guys. That's great. Guys like girls, do it up. Go nuts, man. Guys like guys, I don't care what you do with yourself.

Go crazy. Listen, when I was 17, I loved girls that loved guys like that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she likes to party and have fun and date and do things and whatever, right? Which is fine, except that she begins dating a married man. Oh, no. Also on the side, she starts seeing an older married guy, and guess what? She gets pregnant by the married guy.

Oh, shit. Not great at this point. No. Bad. Now we're talking bad times. Bad things are happening. She breaks up with Aaron over this. She ends up having another abortion, which is two now in like two years, which whatever,

but it's tough here. What else is she going to do in that situation, honestly? It's tough. I don't blame her at all there. They break up, though, so I guess that's hard on her. Now, in 1994, things are still going well for her because no one knows about her partying except her close friends. No one knows about the pregnancy, the one except the boyfriend, and nobody knows about the second one. She did that completely on her own.

So come 1994, she's a member of the Balmain, and I know I'm pronouncing this wrong, and I don't give a shit. Fuck you. Don't care. The Balmain Water Polo Club. Okay. This is founded in 1884. Yeah.

Some old-timey shit. Yeah. They're the Tigers. That's their mascot. The team competes in the National Water Polo League, basically. She's on this team. It's kind of a step below the national team, which competes for world championships. And then the Olympics are above that.

So it's right. This is getting her noticed by people. She also begins dating a guy, and I'm going to mess his name up too, Duncan Gillies or Gillies. I'm going to say Gillies because all the G's are always. Is it G-I-L-L-E-S? G-I-L-L-I-E-S. Oh.

I'm going to go with Gillies. We're going to go Jilly's. We have no idea. Anything here. So Duncan Jilly's. Duncan, by the way, this is not, if you're Googling him right now, this is not Duncan Jilly's, the 14th premier of Victoria from 1886 to 1890, who died on September 12th, 1903 in Melbourne.

This is not him. I promise that. That sounds so prestigious. Did you know he was a gold miner when he started out before he got in office? I'm blown away. Unbelievable. But that's not this guy. Not this guy.

Jesus Christ. I'm getting deep on this shit and I'm trying my best. Duncan was a pro rugby player. He played for Manly. Same as dad. You want to impress dad. How about here? Look, I brought home a guy that did just what you did.

I'm going to force him to join the police force next year for Christ's sake. Make you happy. Get off my back. You know what I mean? She starts dating this guy. And it gets serious. I mean, right away. While she still has a life, though, she's doing her thing, she begins teaching at this point, too.

She's teaching physical education, which is perfect for her. That makes sense. Yeah, at the Ravenswood School for Girls, which is exactly like it sounds. What do you think of when you think of Ravenswood School for Girls? I see gray uniforms and – Uniforms. Yeah. A big old stone building.

Yeah, old building and there's ravens that actually land on the building. Absolutely. And scare the shit out of the kids. It's a kindergarten through 12th grade boarding school. Okay. It's exclusive, expensive. Strict. Old.

Yeah. It's one of these stuffy places that old rich people send their kids to get rid of them. Terrible. From age kindergarten on. Yeah. He's too loud. Get rid of him. It's Harry Potter minus magic.

Send him to Ravenswood. Exactly. They just stick him in there. They even have, they're so old and exclusive, they have a Latin motto even. What? That's how old and exclusive. It's Semper Ad Meliorne, which means always toward better things, I guess. That's interesting.

Always towards better things. That's their motto for life? Just like always go forward? Is that what that means? I guess. I have no idea. I'm from upstate New York. My school also had a motto, and it was try not to say you're from here when you get arrested.

That was the Varkin motto in my school. Don't embarrass us. Don't embarrass us, all right? Get out there. Don't fuck up too bad. It's a very snobby, exclusive school is what I'm getting at basically. You know, just snobby and exclusive. So she's still dating Duncan at this point.

They're a high profile couple in this area. He plays for the rugby team. Her father's famous. She plays for the water polo. You know, they're like, you know who they are. She's teaching phys ed. Yeah. Yeah.

But she's also playing water polo at a high level. She's the one. Yeah. People know also playing water polo at a high level. She's the one. People know who she is. They know who they are. She's trying to get on the national team at this point with an eye on being on the first. Now they've made a deal now to make water polo an Olympic sport in 2000. And this is 1995. So she is looking and that's in Sydney also.

So that's like seven miles from her hometown. There's going to be the Olympics in her sport starting that year. So obviously she wants on the goddamn team. Definitely. Clearly. I mean, that's her thing here. So that's what she's working toward. Get on the nationals.

Yeah. Be on the Olympic team. Her and Duncan love sports together. Obviously they love competitive sports. They're both athletes. They're a similar type. You know, they love the lifestyle. They love to party together.

Oh, they go crazy they party they do their thing uh parents are ecstatic yeah because shit she looks good yeah from the outside she's got a boyfriend that everybody likes he's a rugby player good job nice work my fingers are crossed she's gonna make the olympic team because that party is crazy that olympic village let's hope she doesn't make the olympic team then because it'll be horrible she'll have triplets at that point. We don't know what to happen here. She'll have triplets and they're all from different countries. Different countries.

Not even different dads. How does that happen? This one's Lithuanian. I don't know how that happened. Was the polo pool full of jizz? How did this happen? Oh, shit. So the jillies and her become extremely close very fast, which is, as we see everyone we cover, never good.

That's always bad. Fast romance is never good. Especially with people like this who live on the edge. Criminals. Criminals, basically. He said he, quote, became very attached to Kelly very quickly. That's his quote on it. So right away, he says that within just a few weeks he began thinking about marriage. So I mean

this is the one he's thinking. This is a girl I can, you know, I can be with this girl and he's a big goofy white guy too. They're going to have big goofy white kids that can play rugby or polo or some horse shit. But in his defense girls that speak English with an Australian accent, it's ridiculous. Oh it is. It's so attractive.

But they all do over there. It's not like this is a unique thing like, ooh that one with the accent. It's the attractive. But they all do over there. It's not like this is a unique thing. Like, ooh, that one with the accent. It's the same accent everybody else has. Walking through the grocery store just with a heart on constantly. Yeah, that would be you over there. They'd have to remove you. Excuse me, sir. You're going to have to leave the fast food aisle.

Sir. I'm sorry. She asked me for my order. Leave me alone. Sir, this is just not right. You can't do that. Sir, you have knocked over all the lean cuisines. You have to leave the frozen food aisle.

Put your boner away. Put it away. Tuck it into your waistband, please. Like an average guy. Everybody does it. Now, 1995. 1995. It's hard to notice this because Kelly, quote, lives in track suits, but she begins to put on a little weight, mainly in her stomach.

Okay. What do you think happened there? She didn't have an abortion this time. But she's always wearing track suits. You know there's a problem when you design your wardrobe around the possibility that you may be pregnant and have to hide it. You know there's a problem with what you're doing. So if your daughter is always dressed like Run DMC, suspect pregnancy. Check her belly.

Every once in a while, just go pat her on the belly. Make sure there's nothing there. Make sure that's baggy. Just pee on the stick, would you? I'm just going to leave in the bathroom. You just pee on it every once in a while. Or buy her a big fat gold rope chain so that she can commit to the wardrobe. Go for it.

Taylor Swift is soaring high. Her every move captured in the news cycle and devoured by her devoted fans. She's broken billboard records and made Grammys history, not to mention becoming a billionaire in the process. But along the way, Taylor has had to wage war, first by taking on a very powerful, very famous manager, Scooter Braun, and then by going up against the biggest live events company, Ticketmaster. Hi, I'm David Brown, the host of

Wondery Show Business Wars. We go deep into some of the biggest corporate rivalries of all time. And in our latest season, Taylor Swift will shake up not only the music business, but Hollywood and the NFL. Follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist Amazon Music or Wondery app. SmartList Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'd learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum. We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through

trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. So in 1995, one of her students, girl named allison warren finally somebody gave their goddamn name to a quote thank you allison warren you wonderful person one of her students she said quote there wasn't much gossip about miss lane but her belly grew and so did the judging glances and snide remarks between parents miss lane was obviously young, obviously pregnant, and obviously not married. That right there is a woman that threw her.

So all these other quotes from humble people that don't tell their, that's a gossipy bitch. It's just like, listen to that quote. Yeah. Obviously not. Obviously young. Obviously pregnant. She could have said pregnant first. She's obviously young, obviously pregnant, and obviously not married. And what's her name? Allison. Allison is my name. Allison. Yeah, Allison. Allison Warren. That and obviously not married. And what's her name?

Allison. Allison is my name. Allison. Yeah, Allison. Allison Warren. That's two R's. Two R's, one N. Please.

Unreal, man. Allison would be a bitch. I love it. So poor. But Allison's just representative of everybody. They were all saying the same thing. They were just like, well, yeah. She just signed her name to it.

That's so great. She's the one representing. They probably went around. 20 people said the same thing. She's the only one who would give her name. They're like, well, fuck it. Let's go with Allison. You're selling. Let name to it. Yeah, she was the one. She's the one representing. They probably went around. 20 people said the same thing. She's the only one who would give her name. They're like, well, fuck it. Let's go with Allison. You're selling.

Let's do it. She owned up to it. Yeah, she pretends. Now, Kelly pretends like nobody knows. She pretends like just, I'm not pregnant. No one can see I'm pregnant. Who's pregnant? Me.

I party. Don't you know that? I got tracksuits on. Empty calories. What are you talking about? Yeah, I'm not fat. This is great. Tracksuits.

It's all good. Vodka gives you a beer belly. Everyone at school is talking, though. They see her every day. They watch her get bigger and bigger. She's a little, like one of her teammates on the one team there she was playing said that she went under the water and just swam under to do whatever, and she could see then in a bathing suit how big her stomach was.

It was like, holy shit, this isn't right at all. And then at lunch, she ordered a hamburger. No burger, just pickles and onions. Yeah. And they're like, this is strange. That's weird. And ice cream. And they're like, weird.

So 1995, Balmain. She's pregnant, by the way. Balmain plays in the grand final of the Suburban Water Polo Competition. What? Okay. Her coach says she played very well in this game. Strong. He said she was just her regular old self.

Aggressive, strong, playing tough, strong. She attends a post-match function. You know, they're partying and, you know, it's drinks and what a post-match deal. You know, it's a party. She excuses herself from the nice party, though. It's a nice place. She's like, I got to go. I'm not feeling so good.

So she leaves the party. Oh, no. And goes to the hospital to give birth to a baby girl. Oh, my God. Hours after playing in the final of the water polo championship. So when she says, I'm not feeling so good when she leaves, that's her in labor. When you don't feel good when you're in labor, what she means is, I feel like I either have to take a shit or I'm about to give birth. So I'm leaving.

I think I'm giving birth considering I'm nine months pregnant. I'm going to go ahead and save. I'm nine months pregnant. I feel like I have to take an enormous dump. Since my water broke, I'm going to go ahead, so I'm leaving. I think I'm giving birth considering I'm nine months pregnant. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm nine months pregnant. I feel like I have to take an enormous dump. Since my water broke, I'm going to go ahead and say it's that rather than the burritos I had earlier. I'm going to say it's the pregnancy. It's not all the pickles, onions, and ice cream. No, no.

So, yeah, she goes. This is why water polo is a pussy sport, by the way. Fuck it. I said it. It's a pussy sport. You fucking play it, you're a pussy. If it can be played at its highest level where no one even notices that anything's wrong hours before someone gives birth, I'm sorry, man. It's not.

You're right. You're absolutely right. Because I was judging it based on the sunburn. That's what you're worried about? This woman played while she was fucking so pregnant. Let's get a woman who's just about to give birth. I mean, just about to. Hours away from birth, and let's put her on a floor in the WNBA and see how she does.

Poorly. The WNBA, that's hysterical. They crush her. This is bowling is what this is. This is bowling. This is a recreation. This is a parlor sport. This is so stupid.

This is chess. Jesus Christ. This is fucking chess. People are going to hate us for saying this, but a fucking pregnant girl played well. And they won. No, they lost the game. Oh, they lost. But she played well.

She played strong. It wasn't her fault, Jimmy. It wasn't her fault. She played strong. Unreal. So she names Jilly's as the father, which turns out he's not the father. They're still together. They're an item.

She's out doing whatever she does now. Oh, so scandalous. Not the father at all. It doesn't matter because she immediately puts the girl up for adoption legally. She legally adopts him out. Duncan has no idea. Had no idea. Duncan Jilly's had no idea she was pregnant.

How dumb is this guy? What an idiot. I mean, I know I don't watch a lot of rugby, but you must get hit in the head quite often if you didn't notice that your girlfriend was pregnant. But this isn't the last time he won't notice something so goddamn obvious. That's how dumb this person is. I sat through two pregnancies with my wife. You noticed.

And when she said, I think I'm pregnant, I was like, I know you're pregnant. Yeah, no, Kelly just kind of, she has it like where she's like, you know, I think I'm getting a cold. That's what it is. But she's nine months pregnant. I think I might be pregnant. I don't know. I've just been doing my normal. Not quite sure.

Going about my normal business, that sort of thing. I'm getting better and better at water polo, so I hope I'm not pregnant. I hope I'm not pregnant because I really want to go to the Olympics. I'm really killing it right now. So she tells no one about this at all. This is 1995. Continues to teach. Just goes back to school like nothing happened.

Continues to play water polo. She makes the Australian national team that will play in the world championships in early 96. So, I mean, she just keeps nothing happened. Nope. It's good. I've never seen anyone with blinders on like this. So everybody else stops and takes in like, you know, they acknowledge they're fucked

up. No matter how dumb we've had athletes in the past, they acknowledge her. Just keep going. No problem. Listen, I admire her perseverance. She embraces her failure and just fucking hurdles over it and i don't mind and honestly so far she's had two abortions which is her legal right that's fine uh didn't want to ruin her life she's also had she had put her next baby up for adoption fine the way you just said

she didn't want to ruin her life i get it no i to ruin her life? I get it. No, I get it. That's fine. That's the law, and that's great. Whatever. Do what you got to do. And then also now she's adopted a kid out, which is great. She hasn't hurt anybody. The kid's fine. She's done everything fine.

She should stop probably getting – when we say she should stop getting pregnant, people are going to be like, that's a woman's – we get that, but we're treating her like every other athlete, remember. Every other goddamn athlete. When every athlete we cover goes around sticking his dick in everything that moves and has eight kids, we go, stop doing that. Stop. We're a goddamn condom. Stop what you're doing.

And I'm going to say the same thing to her. Like I said, we're going to treat her just like everybody else. I love it. We're going to treat her just like Trevor Burbick. Stop getting everybody pregnant. That's equality. That's equality. There, exactly.

Trevor Burbick, stop getting everybody pregnant. That's equality. That's equality. There, exactly. So early 1996, Kelly plays for the Australians in Canada at the World Championships, which is amazing. The team wins a silver medal. She has a silver medal. That's amazing. With Australia on it.

It's not the Olympics, but she's a national hero here at this point. Based on that, she gets a spot on the New South Wales water polo team, which I believe is a professional team. She's doing great. This is terrific. For her, she's like, kids are not in my lifestyle right now. It's like when they're picking a team for the Olympics, they're like, we'll take her.

I've really liked her play. I like this one with the kids. This is going to be good. She can bring them along. It'll be good for morale. No, they don't do that. They're like, let's round up the girls who don't have three kids and go on the tour here. Like in a league of their own when they get that chick with the boy that just annoys everybody. Exactly. They don't want that.

That's exactly what is running around with the chocolate all over his face. Still well, Angel. Yeah, still well, Angel. No, you don't want still well, Angel in here. No, fuck still well. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what she's trying to avoid, a still well, Angel situation, I believe. This is 96. She's seen a league of their own. She's like, I don't want to be that one. I, fuck Stillwell. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what she's trying to avoid, a Stillwell angel situation, I believe. This is 96.

She's seen the League of their own. She's like, I don't want to be that one. I don't want that. No one liked her on that whole team. And she constantly fucked up. She messed up. She's screwing up. She missed the cutoff, man.

She's throwing to the wrong base. Tom Hanks is yelling at her. Yeah, he's making her cry. Yeah, and you know what? That's deserving. I'm sorry. She deserved it. You're getting paid to play the outfield.

You get the goddamn cutoff, man. I'm sorry. So that aside, cutoff man aside. This is so funny. This is a quality goddammit. This is crazy. You hit the cutoff man lady and you stopped getting pregnant. Right.

Both of you, stop it. So April 1996, Jilly's buys a house, but it's in a different area than Kelly. Kind of a couple suburbs over. Oh. It's a little breathing room. They're still together. There's still a hot item, even though she's getting pregnant by other people and not telling him. Somebody needs a space. over. Oh. It's a little breathing room. They're still together. There's still a hot item even though she's getting pregnant by other people

and not telling him. Somebody needs a space. Mm-hmm. The relationship gets a little rocky at this point because he admits to her that he had had sex with one of her teammates

and a good friend of hers. Well, I mean... That'll make people a little mad, which the funny part here is how did she, as like just a person, how did she not go, oh, yeah?

You know what I mean? Like, what i mean like you know she did you want to talk but no she didn't he had no idea tell him yet oh yeah well i just had adopted a baby out for abortion your stupid dumb shit ass didn't even notice that i was pregnant guess what it wasn't even yours and then leave that's that's normal i would think i mean that's typical like like, angry woman behavior. If your wife had that, you know, arrow in her quiver, she would fire that shit off in a second. And anybody would. It's not even woman, it's anybody. In an argument?

I'm so surprised. Fuck you. That's a trump card. It is. They stay together. She stays with him. And he must think that she's the most forgiving woman alive rather than she's doing worse. No, it's because

she knows that she still has that hanging over his head and she can throw that at him at any point and it bombs everything. Also to her family likes him. This whole thing that she's doing, she doesn't want to disappoint her family. That's why she's having, you know, going up for doing all this shit basically. So everything goes as planned.

They stay together. She plays water polo. They continue the relationship. She enrolls as planned. They stay together. She plays water polo. They continue their relationship. She enrolls in college. She enrolls in the Australian College of Physical Education, I think, to get her master's for teaching after she's done being an athlete. Thinking ahead. How often do our people in the middle of their athletic career

go back to school to get a degree to fall back on? She's being smart. She's smarter. This is why I wanted to treat her better than everybody else, but she's way stupider in Only person I've ever heard of doing that is Larry Fitzgerald and now Kelly. That's it. And Kelly. That's all.

And Fitzgerald, I feel like that's PR. He's made so many millions of dollars. He's not doing it for a career. No, he did it to get paid by the college. You know he's getting paid for that. He's not doing it for, I need to fall back. No. You had a $100 million contract.

You don't need to fall back. And he's getting extra money from the college and a free education, and he's making mom happy. Absolutely. I don't know what water polo pays, but anyway. So September 12, 1996. Okay. Now, she had, this is another thing here. She, okay, let's just jump into this.

This is so crazy. It's one of these where I'm like, how do I even get into this? September 12, 1996, Kelly goes to Auburn Hospital. This is not the first time she goes to the hospital, as we're going to find out, but let's do this part first. It's in western Sydney. She gives birth to a baby girl. She's been pregnant this whole year. Well, she's been doing all this stuff, and she's been pregnant this whole time.

She has a 10-hour labor with this baby girl. This is pregnancy number four. This is pregnancy number four. This is pregnancy number four. If you're counting at home, but mark it up on the whiteboard. It's, like I said, a 10-hour labor. Number four that no one – she's the phantom uterus. No doubt. That would be her superhero name.

Give her a fucking shirt. It's ridiculous. She tells no one, obviously. No one is there. That's none of their business. This is crazy. Nobody knows she's had four pregnancies. No one's there for her. She's none of their business. This is crazy. Nobody knows she's had four pregnancies. No one's there for her.

She names the baby Tegan. She pulled the hospital curtain around her, everybody said. Didn't speak to anyone in the maternity ward. Wouldn't speak to the other mothers. Just kind of stayed to herself. Acting very weird toward everybody. She told the social worker that no one was there for her because her parents lived all the

way in Perth. So she's not from around here, which is a complete lie. And she lied about that. A social worker said that Kelly seemed happy with the baby and that she was breastfeeding. So, I mean, hey, it looks like she's breastfeeding. She looks like she wants to be a mother. Terrific because they, you know, somebody check on her. Nobody's here. So she's a little down, but she's doing what moms do.

We find out later that Kelly ends up leaving the hospital long before she says she does. Now, she stays for two days. Basically, she claims that she left the hospital at 2 p.m. on the 14th, September 14th, which is two days later. Staff didn't see her after 10.30 a.m. I really hate this part. On the 14th. Because with so much specifics on time.

It's going bad. I'm about to get sad. You know things are going to be very sad here very soon. That's why we make fun of all the water polo up front because shit's about to get dark. Two fucking days in the hospital. That really drives me bonkers about having a kid. No. Here they kick you.

They're like, once they clean the shit off the kid's head, they're like, get out. The stitches are closed. Take a hike. Get the hell out. And it's like, I don't know anything about that thing. What do you want me to do? They just hand it to you and go, leave. What is this? He's on his own.

Hello? Your insurance isn't covering it. Take a hike. That's what we get here. I don't know what to do. Like, it's bananas how fast they want you out of the hospital. But in Australia you're allowed to, I guess, feel better and learn how to be a mother, maybe. the social worker comes and talks to you. Literally, they just throw a baby on your stomach.

They're like, all right. They walk out. You go. OK, thanks a lot. We'll bill you. We'll bill you for that. Staff doesn't see her after 1030 a.m. OK.

OK. Now she arrives at her parents home in Sydney, which is about 45 minutes away from this hospital at 3 p.m. Alone. Five hours. No baby. No baby. No baby.

Gets ready to go to a wedding that night like nothing happened. You bitch. Gets ready like nothing happened. Yeah. Which is insane here. Basically, they're saying that there's no way she could have got out past people and the only way she could have left was down the fire escape. She didn't even take the baby basket with her.

She took a baby and carried it down a fire escape to escape the hospital, which is now she's got something that's hard to hide. Yeah. Like that's not you can't hide that in a tracksuit. That cries. Yeah. Fat doesn't cry. No.

This cries. So this is it shits. Yeah. And it pees and it needs. And it's missing. Yeah. And it's currently we don't know it's whereabouts or her things. And it's missing. Yeah, and it's missing. Currently, we don't know its whereabouts or her whereabouts because it's a girl.

September 14th, 1996 is the same day as the hospital. She arrives at her parents' house at 3 o'clock. She gets ready, gets dolled up, puts makeup on, puts a dress on, and goes and meets Duncan at a wedding. Goes and meets him at a wedding. He has no questions? No. What is he going to ask? She just shows up in a dress. Yeah, I'm here. She's like, okay, good. He doesn meets him at a wedding. He has no questions? No. What is he going to ask?

She just shows up in a dress. Yeah, I'm here. She's like, okay, good. He doesn't know anything about it. You got a sitter already? That was quick. Doesn't know she had a baby. Oh, he has no idea.

Nobody knows. Nobody knows. She did this in complete privacy. She didn't tell anyone she was pregnant again for the fourth time. Didn't tell anyone she was pregnant and didn't tell anyone she had the baby. She told the social worker her parents were in Perth. She doesn't know anybody here. She's a master of disguise. She's a master of disguise.

She's a master of something. I don't know what it is. Bullshit is my guess here. Now, before the baby, this is what I was talking about, she went to a ride hospital three times in the two weeks leading up to September 12th to try to convince the staff to induce her. She didn't want to miss the wedding on the 14th that she had a commitment to go to. So she was trying to get them to induce her early. She had come in on September 11th and asked for it again, and they said no.

She said she was in a lot of pain. They said no, but try coming back the next morning. She came back on the 12th, and they finally induced her. This is literally to not miss a wedding because it's society. She can't miss it. Her and her boyfriend are supposed to go be seen there. What are you going to do? Her parents are going to be there.

Oh, my God. Insane, right? So 1998, this has gone past. Just baby's gone. Yeah. No one even knows she had it. Who knows? Kelly and Duncan finally break up in 98 after he tells her that he's in love with another woman.

That's when she threw that card out. She told him. She didn't. She didn't tell him? Doesn't tell him shit again. Nothing. How crazy is she threw that card out. She told him. She didn't. She didn't tell him? Doesn't tell him shit again. Nothing. How crazy is she? Just keeps it again.

So 1999 comes around, and guess what? Kelly's pregnant again. Again. God damn it, stop. I'm so mad at her. Stop it. Stop getting pregnant. Just stop now.

Holy shit. This is too much. This is what I mean where I said, oh, you go poor young girl and blah, blah, blah, blah. And to this point I'm literally doing like a male athlete. Stop putting your dick in things. Stop it. Stop wrapping your around dicks. Stop making kids that are going to rob me.

Stop doing it. I can't take it anymore. So this is what she's doing. She tries to get an abortion in February of 1999 in Queensland, but is refused because she's over 25 weeks pregnant. So she can't even wait too long. She can't even get an abortion.

So obviously she's freaking out. She has the child in 1999. Again, hides it from everyone. Doesn't say a word, doesn't do anything, and ends up adopting the kid out. Number five. Number five. She adopts this one out. She tells a social worker that Duncan is the father, which he's not the father,

but that's what she tells her. And she also tells the social worker that it's her first child. This is my first child, my boyfriend. I mean, technically, it is. She's adopting this one out, too, so no, it's not even her first child. This is the third one she's actually had. And the second one, whatever. So, this basically, the Department of Community Services, which is the social worker that comes around.

Right. It's a guy named John Borovnik. He realized, this is who she's telling all this to. Yeah. So, he starts doing paperwork for the adoption. And in that, you know, she's looking at all the different things. And he notices that he realizes that the 1996 birth of Tegan, he can't find certain paperwork on it. Like vaccinations and shit? Like anything.

Records for anything. And while he's doing the 99 adoption, he's trying to get all the paperwork in order. And he's like, this is odd. I see no records relating to the adoption. I see no school records. I see no nothing for this Tegan. Like she doesn't exist. Right.

So he starts being a little suspicious. Good. Looking into things. Yeah. He's looking into things. He leads the government into looking into her also. All right. Because it's a government agency.

They find out. He finds, like I said, they find out about the previous pregnancies, the previous births. And now it's like, whoa, this is not who we thought it was here. She said this is her first child with her boyfriend and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, give it to the Australians. These people have hearts, man. They do. They give a shit about people.

They do. They actually do. Here they'd just be like, here, take your kid. We don't care. Whatever happened to the goddamn kid? What do we care? So it's way different. So they notice that they just can't seem to find any record of Tegan anywhere, which is

freaking everybody out, obviously. She says, when questioned about it, she says that she gave them to a family in Perth. She said, I adopted her out to a family in Perth. That's not legal. She's living in Perth. Is it legal in Australia? It's more legal than the other alternative for what happened to Teagan. Let's put it that way.

So November 1999, Borovnik goes to the police about Teagan and notifies them, says, hey, I got a situation here you guys might be curious about. Yeah. Check out a kid. Funny thing. Kid's gone. Crazy broad keeps squirting out babies and none exist. One of them is an accountant for us. So we got to find that kid.

We're missing one. Yeah. So 2000 comes along. There's an, you know, there's still like kind of, it's still just like, oh, who's this now? They're pulling records and stuff like that. So year 2000 comes along. Guess what? One guess, Jimmy.

It's dead. Tegan's dead. Nope. She's pregnant again. Oh my God. She's pregnant again. They haven't even found Tegan yet and she's still squirting out kids. The ink is still not dry on the adoption of the last one.

She's like, I got to have another kid. So January 2001, she has a daughter. This one she keeps. We don't know the name of this daughter because they don't want to release it for obvious purposes that you'll figure out later. But yeah, she has a baby, a little girl. She keeps the little girl. So that's that. She's got one kid

so far out of all of this shit. Out of six pregnancies. Yes. And this is after the Olympics, which we'll talk about in a little while too. So I think she just gave up and was like, fuck it, I'll just have kids now. What's the difference? I'm clearly a baby factory. I do that really well. I'm very fertile. She's like 31. I think she figures maybe the athletic career is

on the downswing. Actually, no, she's 26 right here. She should be in her prime. Yeah, this is baby-making time. Well, this is also money-making sports time. So, 2001, the police investigation begins. This is when they start looking into all these things. February of

2001, they question Kelly. Like a month after she's had her baby, they question her. She changes her story now. Now she's telling the police that she didn't adopt her baby out to a family in Perth. She said, I was mistaken about that. Which, I don't know how you'd be mistaken about where you put your baby. That's a pretty...

I don't know. I either left it here or there. I'm not sure. I either left it at the grocery store or on top of the car. I'm not positive. It's not your keys. You know what I mean? So she tells police she didn't adopt him out. Instead, she gave the baby to the baby's father, who was a man named

Andrew Morris or Norris. It changes. It literally, they don't even, she can't even give a straight story on the man's last name. So we're going to call him Namoris because we don't know if it's Norris or Morris. That is so terrible. So Andrew Namoris is the mystery man, the father. She claims she met him at the Town Hall Hotel in Balmain when they were hanging out back in the day when she was with Duncan. And they had a little fling and she didn't want to tell Duncan about it.

Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. But that's whose baby it is. It's her thing. Now, 2001, she tells police that Norris just didn't want anything to do with her. And that's why she just gave him the baby because they weren't going to be together. And she told basically she said, I got pregnant. And he said, well, go fuck yourself.

Kind of a thing. That's her story about this. There's no man on earth that does that. Poor me, basically, is what she's saying. Well, plenty of men just run out on their responsibilities. But none of them go, give me the baby and you go away. I'll never see you again. We'll talk.

We're going to talk plenty about that. That's a really odd thing to do. I mean, I want the baby, but not you to take care of it. I'm sure it's been done. Oh, yeah. The woman's a complete fucking disaster in every aspect of her life. This one keeps shit together. She has

jobs. She plays sports. She's a good person outwardly. It's not someone you would take the baby so they don't drop them or sell them to a crack dealer or something. She claims they had a brief affair while she was with Chili's. Like I said, she tells police that when she left the hospital that night, the 14th, when she left,

that she left at 2 o'clock, not like the staff says. And she said she went down to the parking lot. Actually, she called it a car park. But go fuck yourself. We don't care. And said that she gave the baby to a car park. This is a Disney movie. The cars are down there playing.

Yeah, it's a car park. It's a car park. It's a car park. It's so pretty. So she gave the baby to- The cars are on the swings. They're just swinging. Yay. It's a park for cars.

I see one of those big bubble things where you're pulling in and a giant bubble's coming out. One of those. So nice. They're doing burnouts in the sandbox. It's adorable. It is. It's cute. They get to play.

Normally, cars, they don't get to play a lot. They don't get out with the other cars. You know what I mean? They're always cooped up in the is. It's cute. They get to play. Normally, cars, they don't get to play a lot. They don't get out with the other cars. You know what I mean? They're always cooped up in the garage. So fucking stupid. So she said she gave the baby to Andrew Namoris and his mom and his girlfriend, Mel. So she's even got a girlfriend in the mix now for this guy. She's created so many characters.

She went down the car park, and there they were. Okay. She's Australian Casey Anthony. That's it. She's – Jesus. Casey Anthony is a model citizen compared to this lady, I swear to God. Yeah, Casey only did it to one. One.

I mean, allegedly. She only did it to one here too so far. She's the rest of them. That's a good point. Yeah, she's – I don't think – I think Casey Anthony was probably a more honest person. I've got to be honest with you. Have you seen the documentary yet? The one that just came out?

Yeah. It's so horrible. Oh, yeah. She's a horrible, horrible person. Her lies are so crazy that she took the police to Universal Studios and were like, yeah, I work here. She hadn't worked there in two fucking years. She went into the employee entrance and was waving to people and then walked down a a dead end hallway and then turned around and was like, you got me. I don't work here.

What? She did like a Seinfeld when he was taking his future in-laws to his house in the Hamptons. And they're like, no, no, it's just down here. It's down here. And finally he's like, fuck. All right, fine. You got me. He gets to the end of the island and he's like, you got me.

What do you want from me? He's telling him about a horse that he's got. Yeah, prickly Pete. You're going to love him. Casey Anthony's an asshole. She is an asshole. So anyway, during this investigation, the first thing the police are very curious to do is locate Andrew Menoris or Nemoris or whatever you want to call him. They want to find him.

That's a big deal. Obviously, that would answer all the questions, right? It will help. She tells police that one of her friends actually knows Andrew. You know, super easy. A woman named Lisa Andriotta. But she can't get a hold of Lisa. Lisa moved to Britain and now she can't get a hold of her.

This is in 2001. And she ends up spending Christmas, Kelly does, ends up spending Christmas of 2002 in the UK with Lisa. So, lie, lie. Lie and lie and lie and lying. Always lying. And she's like putting herself with these people now too. Like, this is a lot. She's getting real deep. How else can you do and lie and lying. Always lying. And she's like putting herself with these people now too. Like this is a lot.

She's getting real deep. How else can you do it? This is what I mean. This is when shit spins out of control. You can only lie so much to where it's like. Before then you go, ah, you're full of shit. Yeah. To where you have to like admit to a lie to get another lie over.

Right. You're like, okay, well, I didn't mean that part of what I said because that contradicts what I want you to believe now. So in a 2001 phone conversation, Natalie start recording her phone call. She's in hardcore under hardcore investigation here. Kelly reveals that how scared of her father that she was. And she's just like, you know, they're like, well, if you had a baby, why didn't you tell us like what was going on? She was just the whole time.

She's saying like, because you guys would stop loving me. You know, you guys wouldn't even want me anymore. You would hate me if I did that. Dad can't handle that. He'll freak out. He'll snap, do the whole deal. It's insane, man. He would have been a great grandfather.

He would have been, but he would have been an asshole to her about this. He totally would have said, you're an embarrassment. But they'll get over that, and then they'll be a great grandfather. When they fall in love with that baby, freak out. That happens. You get over it. You know what? You have to bite the bullet and face the music sometimes music sometimes she just couldn't do it because she's supposed

to be perfect everyone called her the golden girl she's supposed to be perfect and she can't handle not being perfect it's it's sometimes the best things that you get you have to go through some really hard shit to get there yeah i would say so so she's scared like i said scared to tell the father the mother says quote you've got to be telling the absolute truth. I'm telling you because he'll know how to find out things you wouldn't believe. Talking about her father because this police investigation is going on in the same precinct that he worked in. Oh, God. So talk about embarrassing now.

She didn't want to embarrass anybody and all that. You want to talk about embarrassing? All of your buddies, all of your cop buddies are investigating your daughter for murdering your baby? That's way worse than having a fucking out-of-wedlock grandchild. That is. I mean, that's, you can't get any worse than that. Yeah, it doesn't get any more embarrassing than that.

It does not get any more embarrassing. And the father saying she didn't do anything and kind of putting pressure on the cops, like, this is, you don't need to investigate my daughter. Wow. Like, he's very, like, he believes her, and whether he believes her or not isn't really the case. He's like, hey, don her. And whether he believes her or not isn't really the case. He's like, hey, don't sully my name is what it is. Casey Anthony's dad did that shit too for a while until she said he molested her.

Then he was like, look, she's fucking crazy. But they were white trash though too. That's what I mean. White trash. See what I'm saying? She admits it. At least everyone knew she had a baby. She said that the father molested her.

White trash hides. They have no shame. This, on the other hand, all sorts of shame. But he didn't. It's a terrible person because she had to cover lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. She got to that point. And then she got to that point and he was like, look, I'm not defending her ever again. Now, on this phone call, Kelly asks her mother, quote, he's not going to hurt me or anything, is he?

Like, literally, he's not going to hurt me. Like, is he going to beat me up over this? The father, which who knows if that was a part of it. You never find out if he she had like an abusive upbringing or whatever. But I would imagine he gave her a smack once in a while, judging by the what everybody else said. I'm guessing there was a bruise or two once in a while. Yeah.

Now, the mother says to this quote, he's not going to hurt you, but he's going to blow. You know that, don't you? Like he's going to lose his shit. OK. You do know you're going to have to face his wrath. Yeah. But, you know, he's not going to break your neck. There's going to be a punishment for sure. Okay. You do know you're going to have to face his wrath. Yeah. But, you know, he's not going to break your neck. There's going to be a punishment for sure.

Yeah. Now, before, now, we were just saying, oh, they raised her this way and this is, they put the pressure on her and they put her up to this, which they did. Yeah. This is, okay. We understand the psychology of how she got here. Okay. And it wasn't her fault how she got here.

But now she's here. Right. This is the thing. Before you go blaming her parents for this, Tommy Morrison's mother was a prostitute. We called him a piece of shit. He had no way of doing anything better. He grew up in

trailer parks with no dad. His mother was a prostitute. Willie Mays Akins didn't have floors. He didn't have floors, guys. The ground was his floor. They had no indoor plumbing. He didn't have electricity for most of his goddamn life. Eddie Johnson was harvesting fucking watermelons for how many years? He put up a goddamn basket, literally a basket outside.

A milk crate to play basketball. So you know what? Before we blame the parents, everybody has their own, to a certain extent, yes, we know what causes it. But then at that point, you've got to recognize this shit. And we're going to treat her just like we treated Tommy Morrison and every other fucking idiot whose upbringing was just the perfect cocktail to cause what they did. It's still their fault. Yeah.

Because they know better. Eventually, you've got to make a decision. Yeah. We all have free will. Choose your own path. We all have free will here. So 2004, you would think Kelly now, she's out there in the world. People kind of know about this investigation.

They're calling around. So what do you think she's going to do? Is she going to lay low for a while, chill out? I mean, that's the logical explanation. You would think, just like, hey, I'm going to get my name out of the news. I'm going to not get pregnant again. Not get pregnant. I'm just going to stick to myself, work on me.

I have a daughter that I'm going to take care of. Yeah. Because this one, I'm going to make sure they know I'm not going to kill this one. Take care of her. I'm going to go out in public. I'm going to go to a daughter that I'm going to take care of because this one I'm going to make sure they know I'm not going to kill this one. Take care of her. I'm going to go out in public. I'm going to go to the park. I'm going to take her to see the car park. Spin around. I was going to say watch the cars in the sandbox. It's so cute when they do that.

You know what she does? It's time to get married. Like every other athlete, Jimmy. Male, female. Gender doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter. When your things are at your worst, when everything is, female, gender doesn't matter. Gender doesn't matter. When your things are at your worst, when everything is going wrong, you must get married. It's just it has to be. How did she meet somebody?

I don't know. They keep this guy's identity secret through everything to protect the identity of the daughter. Basically, because I guess the daughter now took his last name and everything. So they want to keep that all separate. But it's weird because while all this is going on in a little while, the father, Moose and Sandra, are going to be taking care of the daughter and not the husband. So it's a very strange situation, but we'll talk about this.

Now, here we go. August of 2004, they're still tapping all of her phones. Okay, still. They want evidence. They catch a phone conversation with her husband where she's openly talking about regrets. I regret this. I regret. Like, she's doing everything but saying, I wish I didn't kill my daughter.

Like, everything but saying it. I thought about it. You know there's cops sitting there listening, like in a van with the headphones on. They're like, she's going to fucking say it. Three years we've been waiting. She's going to say, oh, she's got regrets. What could they possibly be? No, she didn't.

Shit. God damn. You know they had to be like years. She has regrets. She has regrets that she had chick parm last night instead of the spaghetti. She has so many regrets. She wouldn't get specific enough. They're sitting there in a truck with like McDonald's bags everywhere and just wrappers

and cups everywhere. It's like, God damn it. It smells like shit in there. No. The McDonald's fart van. Yeah. Now, in this, we have an in their own words. In their own words.

This is during the conversation with her husband. This is from the phone call. This is from the phone call. And this is what I mean. This is where they're like, it's so on the verge, but she doesn't say it. It's one of those. So in their own words, quote,

this whole, this whole mess is because I didn't have a thick skin because I couldn't ask anyone for help because I couldn't stand the embarrassment. It all seems to be out of my hands. Like I really don't have any choices. I didn't have any choices. Then I've got no choices now. No, it's because this is all,

this mess is all because you ride cock. That's the problem. Too much. Stop. I don't care about the cock riding. Just get an IUD. Do something to stop that from happening. Say, hey, put that condom on before you.

I don't give a shit about the cock riding. Ride all the cock you want. It's just like the guys. Go out and get every girl you want. If you're not married and you don't have five kids at home, go out, find all the girls you want. Don't get them pregnant, please. That's all we ask. Don't get pregnant with kids you're not going to take care of.

Is that fair? Is that a fair statement? Can we just make that a policy across the board? Stop getting pregnant with kids you have no plans of taking care of. None. None. You plan on it even. We'll give you a break.

So, yeah, that's her. That's what I mean. How close is that? So close. You know they're like, oh, God damn it. Just say it. Just say it. Say, I shouldn't they're like, oh, God damn it. Just say it. Just say it. Say, I shouldn't have thrown her off the bridge.

Say something. Just do it. I shouldn't have smothered her with my purse. Damn it. Smothered her with my purse. That's all she had, I imagine. Just put it down. Climbing down the fire escape with a purse over one arm and a baby in the other.

That's nuts. That's athletic, too, to be able to climb down a fire escape two days after childbirth with one arm while you're holding the baby. Not near as athletic. Well, maybe it's not as athletic because that game isn't athletic. No. It will cause you to go into labor, though. And pregnancy is probably helpful in that sport because it helps you be a little more

buoyant. That's true. A little more buoyant. It probably helps the cramps, maybe, the leg movement. I'm not sure. I'm not positive. it's the equivalent of steroids and baseball it is no the wait is over so far you're not losing the only thing you're losing is my patience quickly i see that the queen of the courtroom is back i didn't anything. You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face. I see he's not intimidated by

anything. I can fix that. New cases. She wanted to fight me. Leave her alone. Okay, so... This is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor.

You married his cousin. His brother. Did you sleep with her? Yes, Your Honor. You married his cousin. His brother. That's not him. Yes, ma'am. I would make a beeline for the door. The Emmy Award winning series returns. How did I know that? I have a crystal ball in my head.

It's an all new season. It's streaming. You can say anything. Judy Justice. Only on Freebie. And this is just suspicious as shit. And it's just her mother. Her mother wants her to admit it.

Yeah, and this is also the first time that she's been on a phone call where she's obviously filled with regret. And she's talking to another woman. You know what I mean? Well, she's not. This is the mother. The mother wants to know. You can tell. with regret and she's a she's talking to another woman you know what i mean well she's not this is the mother is like the mother wants the mother wants to know you can tell like the mother's like so you're telling me this really like but check this out okay this is the conversation from 2004

sandra is her mother sandra says quote you know you told me this young man has taken the baby to raise it which is really unusual. You must admit yourself. What was his family behind him in this? God, they're so beautiful. And Kelly just says, yep. That's her, which the Australians, they always say, yep, which is weird. Y-E-P. Yep.

So yep is her answer. Read what mom said again and read how eloquent and beautiful that is. She's asking her, did you kill a child? Did you kill a kid? And it's pretty. Yeah. It's so beautiful. You know, you told me this young guy has taken this baby to raise it, which is really unusual.

You must admit yourself. Was his family behind him in this? It's very unusual. You must admit yourself. You must admit yourself. That's beautiful. It's very like listening. It's so proper.

And she keeps up with it. She says, quote, I've been trying to sort of reason things out because it's really unusual. So he took the – when you left the hospital, he took the child home with him? And Kelly says, on that day, yep. And Sandra says, to his family, I assume. And Kelly says, yep. That's her answer to that. So Sandra says, because it's just so unlike a young bloke to want to raise a child.

So beautiful. It's just, that's the thing I can't get a grip on. But obviously that's what the young man did, isn't it? That's what you agreed, isn't it? And Kelly says, yeah, well, I really didn't have too many options. I wish you would have just said, yep. Yep. She just says, yeah, well, I didn't, yeah, yep. Well, I didn't really have too many options. And Sandra says, this is the mic drop. She says, you could have put the child up for adoption.

And there is silence on the other end. Fucking mic drop. Done that, mom. Been there. Why didn't she put this fucking baby up for adoption? What was she thinking? Why wouldn't she just do that? I don't, I can't fathom.

She's done it before. So why isn't it? Why couldn't you just say, yes, take this one, too? And then then went out the fire escape. Why is always so hard to find? Yeah. Why? What are you doing?

It makes no sense. I'm telling you. Also, dad being a police officer, I feel like he wrote those questions for mom. It's almost like his. It's so unusual. It's so unusual. It feels like it rubs off on the mother where she knows how to question somebody. But she's questioning.

That's a homicide detective in a motherly way. It's just so unusual that a bloke normally wouldn't do that. But that's what you agreed on, right? Right? Like, just go ahead and lie to my face. It's so beautiful. Yeah. Well, yip, yip, yip.

So everyone's going to be yip, yip. The way they talk. 2005 now, this investigation, it's really picking up steam now. Where the hell is this? They can't find the kid. They're looking all over the country for this kid, trying to find him to say, okay, there's the kid. You didn't kill him. Right.

Close this case. Because this is from a social worker in 99 going up to the police. This is 2005. They're still doing this. I mean, look at it, though, from a police officer standpoint. 2005, they're still doing this. I mean, look at it, though, from a police officer standpoint. You know that she went to a wedding at 3 o'clock and she left at 4.

And she left the hospital at 10, 10.30. So you've got how many hour window is that? We get a four and a half hour window. She got to the parents at 3. So you got a four and a half hour window. You've got as big of a two and a half hour radius from the hospital. That's it. And she's driving for about 45 minutes of that to her parents' house.

So that's how long. So there's not a lot of time. Where could it be? It's close by. So they talked to Jilly's, Dunkin' Jilly's in 2005 about this whole thing. Great restaurant, man. It is. Dunkin' Jilly's. It does sound like a good restaurant.

Come on by Dunkin' Jilly's for a bottomless fry basket. Gross. So Jilly's is asked about everything at this point. He's in court. They're having hearings trying to figure this out. So he goes in to do like a deposition kind of deal. Give a statement. He'd make a statement, but it's like on the record. It's like a deposition or grand jury or whatever.

Oh, Jesus. It's for real. I don't know what the American equivalent of to be what they're doing, but it's a hearing of some kind. Okay. He's asked about everything and says that he had no idea she was ever pregnant. And this is when it gets really weird and detailed here. He said that, quote, if she had got pregnant, I would have jumped at the chance to start a family. Yeah.

Because he wanted to marry her. Yeah. She had one that would have been like, okay, cool. Yeah. And then she could have got married and her father would have been a little less pissed off and everything would have been better. But she didn't want to marry him. Duncan, it wasn't yours, bro.

That's the other thing. It wasn't yours. That's the thing that's crazy. So they asked him if he had noticed her pregnancies at all. Like, how did you not notice? Like, maybe during sex, they asked. Right. Did you see

her naked and he said he hadn't a clue he said quote on about noticing this he said you know what we're gonna do it in their own words because this is the dumbest fucking thing ever this is so dumb that it's complicit in this whole thing and i'm gonna do an in their own words for this fucking idiot too i i'm sure he's been hitting the head a lot put it that way he says in their own dipshit words quote I understand how it looks it seems ridiculous coming from my mouth but it just seems common sense that I would pick

up on her having a baby I had no comprehension whatsoever that she had two babies in the years that we were together you dumb son of a bitch that's a man that loves doggy that's what it is it has to be I know details about their sex life awesome this is this is wow we got deep on this guy got a lot loves doggy. That's what it is. It has to be, right? I know details about their sex life. Oh, awesome. This is, wow, we got deep on this one.

They've got a lot of blowjobs and a lot of doggy, because otherwise you're gonna know. You want to know details of an athlete's, you want to know details of an athlete's sex life, of an athlete baby murderer's sex life? I have them, god damn it. Patreon.com slash crime and sports.

So, basically he said, they were questioning life. I have them. God damn it. Patreon.com slash crime and sports. So basically he said they were questioning like sexually and he said the only difference that he could think of and he didn't even think of it at the time. He just thought it was a weird thing. But they used to have sex missionary position mainly. Yeah. And once I guess in the times where she said

she were they he now knows she was pregnant on how do you say that they switch to his spooning position. So like from behind her with her in front. On her side. On her side. So I guess the belly isn't right there. I don't know.

But still, wouldn't you wrap your arm? I don't know how you would not notice that. A pregnant woman naked is pretty fucking obvious. You can tell. I don't know if she carried lightly or I don't know what it is or this guy is just the dumbest son of a bitch ever. Or maybe he's just a gentleman and he

just doesn't want to be that guy that asks her if she's pregnant and she's not. I guess. But Jesus at some point you'd be like your stomachs rock hard is the thing that I'm really tripping out about here. What the fuck is that foot shaped thing sticking out all the time? And why is there milk coming from your nipples?

That's another issue that we have. Why are you constantly floating? Why are you lactating? What's going on here? This is so weird. We have to talk here. In nine months, you haven't had a period. This is so weird.

So strange. A box of tampons, dust on it. Dust on it. Milk shooting out in dusty tampons. We got a problem here, honey. We got a problem. Wow. That's an oblivious man that doesn't pay attention to her.

That's what it is. That's what I mean. He's out doing his thing. I don't know. I was playing rugby. I came home. She lays down on her side. I give it to her from the back and I go to sleep.

What do I know? That's what he's an idiot. She's so agreeable with sex. She just rolls over and I do it and I go to sleep. That's it. So notice the dust. He tells the court that he regular saw her naked. Sex life was they had sex regularly.

They didn't stop having sex very often. It was just once in a while. Normal sex life. Complicit as fuck. Yeah. Now, Lisa Arrieta, the woman who moved to England, who apparently knew Andrew Namoris. Right. Lisa is finally talked to.

They finally get a hold of Lisa in 2005. They bring her on down to have a little chat in the courtroom. And she says, I don't remember anyone named Andrew Namoris or whatever. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. She said, maybe I just forgot because it was, you know, 10 years ago. Right. I don't remember that name ever.

So there's one of her alibis out there. Boom. Now, police have, through this whole thing, they have one of the biggest manhunts in history, in the history of Australia, looking for Teagan. And also looking for Andrew Namoris. They want to find him. They've got to find somebody. One of the two would be fine.

Just figure it out. So they use DNA testing. I mean, they're going all in. They're going around. Anybody who's close, they're trying to find it. 2005 of June, there's a coronial inquest into the disappearance of Teagan, which basically means all hands on deck government. The court wants to know what the fuck happened to this kid. So find out.

That's what that means. Find out. Bring us back the information. That's from what I gathered. I'm not an expert on the Australian legal system. I looked it up. That's what that means. Find out. Bring us back the information. That's from what I gathered. I'm not an expert on the Australian legal system. I looked it up. That's what I got. Gotcha.

If it's not right, go fuck yourself. Sorry. So June 17th, 2005, police think they found Teagan in Queensland. OK. So this is hope. Like Gold Coast, like in a nice area. They think they found her. They find a girl named Teagan Chapman.

She's the right age. And her birth certificate has her father listed as Alan Norris, which is super close. So they're like, oh shit, this might be it. This is either a ridiculous convenient, I don't know what the word I'm looking for is.

Coincidence. Coincidence. Brilliant coincidence. Or I'm like, what's a c word that means or this just fucking is a wild goose chase i mean but tegan same age alan norris to like this is good it's actually like in the papers like we may have found tegan holy shit kelly must have been like really what huh no shit crazy wow okay oh yeah she is. It's the equivalent of finding that Zenaida Gonzalez. Oh, I found her. Okay.

Oh, shit. So they end up doing DNA testing, and obviously it's not Teagan. The reveal, it's not Teagan. So Kelly must have been like, I don't know. She must have been like, this would be amazing if that works out for me. So in the search for Nemoris, they search high and low. They search birth records, official name changes, voter rolls, receipts for utilities, immigration, police records, driver's licenses, anything that would possibly leave a trail of a human in paper. They search for him.

They find zip. Zero. They search over 9,000 schools for Teagan. Zero. Nothing. They find the closest thing they found was the girl that they DNA tested. Finally, in 2006, the coroner declares that he is, quote, comfortably satisfied that Tegan Lane is in fact deceased. The coroner basically declares her dead. Although he says there's a possibility she's alive, he doesn't know because there's no body.

But if she is alive, she's certainly not in Australia. Right. Because either that or she's being hidden in a spider hole somewhere. She's in some sex trade or something. Yeah. She's either in a terrible life or she's dead. Yeah, one of the two. But she's not like living with a family, going to elementary school, coloring.

That's not what's going on. They also decide that Namoris does not fucking exist. They said this guy does not exist. We searched high and low. We searched for his mother that you told us about. We searched for Mel, the girlfriend. None of these people exist. You're full of shit.

So obviously the police have no evidence. They have no physical evidence. They have no evidence other than she left the hospital with a baby and she showed up a few hours later with no baby. That's the only evidence they have. So they don't know what to do basically. So they decide not to charge Kelly at the moment because how are they going to charge her really? What's the case? I mean it's been done in America where they charge somebody and they convict

them with no body, but this is a bit different because in those cases, a lot of times, most of the time they're adults and when there's no body and there's no paper trail of that person spending any money or surviving anywhere, pretty evident they're dead. Well, that's a kid too, I guess. You need

tons of records with kids. Kids are on the grid. Yeah. They're as on the grid as possible. They're tracked like crazy. Yeah. Even their vaccinations, everything is kept track of. My kids, good God, folders thick with paperwork of these kids.

It's ridiculous. But they do refer the matter. They don't just drop it, though. They refer. They basically say, we don't want it on our hands anymore. We're going to pass this along to the director of public prosecutions, a guy named Nicholas Cowdery. Now there, from what I looked up, once again, I am not an Australian legal expert in case you thought I was. I'm not an Australian legal expert from what I understand

here. They basically will oversee cases. They'll check, they'll give them cases and they're kind of like a cold case kind of a deal, it seems like, but not really. But they'll get these cases, and then they will decide what to do with them, basically. It's on them whether to prosecute cases. It's kind of like the stalled case docket. They're like, just throw it over there, and then they decide whether it's worthy of any given initiative.

But he's on the payroll of the government? He's a government, yeah. This is the director of public prosecutions. I really like those ragtag groups of guys that they put together for TV shows that investigate cold case checks. Those guys are awesome. That's kind of like this guy's the lawyer version of that where he's looking into these things. And he's paid by the government. He's deciding.

So now at this point, good God, think about this already. Where she started. Think about the kid in high school. She went out with that kid. Other guys had abortions. That's fine. There's been babies adopted. Duncan's been lied to.

God knows these other guys didn't even know they had a kid. Fuck Duncan. Fuck Duncan. I mean, these guys didn't even know. He's a dipshit. The other guys who impregnated her didn't even know. She never told anybody. Their parents are, I mean, as shitty as they are, they're still in the dark.

And they think their daughter's doing fine. What about these polo teams, the girls, the schools that she went to were embarrassed? The teams that lost to her when she was pregnant. Teams have lost. She's lied to everybody. There's a baby probably dead. I feel bad for all these people, Jimmy. I feel bad for all these people.

But good God, not nearly as bad as I feel for Kelly Lane, a registered nurse at the UNC Health Care Center in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Kelly Lane, a business account executive at Comcast in Miami, Florida. A cable company. Kelly Lane, a fitness instructor in the greater Los Angeles area. Wow. Kelly Lane Fitness. Don't Google that.

Yeah. She'll be out. Kelly Lane, a realtor sales associate at Suszy Reed and Company in Biloxi, Mississippi. I always feel bad for someone when it's like a realtor because people will Google a realtor and they're going to find that she's a fucking baby murderer. So she's not. She's not. Buy a house from this lady in Biloxi.

Call Kelly Lane up and buy a house from her. She's really been suffering. I guarantee you she has lost business over this. And finally, Kelly Lane, an account manager at Advanced Label Works, Inc., also known as ALI, in Knoxville, Tennessee. She went to Ozark Technical College. Now, listen. Let me tell you something. See what happened here?

She didn't sell any kids. No. She didn't do anything. She didn't kill anybody, sell off any kids. She went to a college with the fucking word Ozark in it it and she turned out fine and technical and technical and she turned out well i saw her picture she's smiling on there give me a goddamn break you could have done better kelly lane because this kelly lane did better with way less she didn't have rich parents she went to ozark technical college which sounds like a goddamn joke that sounds like a made-up college

where'd you go ozark technical college you dumb son of a bitch joke. That sounds like a made-up college. Where'd you go? Ozark Technical College, you dumb son of a bitch? She doesn't even say that. She just says Ozark Tech. Ozark Tech. But that's what you would like a made-up college. Like if someone at your job did something stupid, you'd be like, would you go to Ozark Technical School, you fucking moron?

You know what I mean? That's the dumbest thing. Sorry. Ridiculous. I want to see somebody on Monday Night Football when they do the- Ozark Tech. Ozark Tech. Ozark Tech. Offensive tackle. thing i sorry i want to see somebody on monday night football when they do the ozark tech offensive tackle unreal man sounds so shitty it's so bad so now november 17th 2009 the dpp the director of public prosecutions charges kelly with murder well they decide to charge her. They say, let's give it a ring. Let's give it a whirl and see what happens.

So they charge her with murder. She pleads not guilty because she's insisting that she's not guilty. The trial begins on August 9, 2010. Trial begins. She was out on bail during that time. So, I mean, she's out on bail, then she comes into court and she has to go in the little holding area and sit there. And she's waiting and just sitting there.

And then she gets a knock on the door. She thinks it's a bailiff or something. And the door opens and it's Dexter Manley, interior decorator from New York City. That guy's great. And he says. How is it you came to arrive here? Girl, what's wrong with you? Look at you. Your hair's off.

Let me fix you up a little bit. Come on. Your makeup's. Look at your makeup. It's all running. Girl, you been crying? You been crying? Let's fix you up.

Perfect. Let's fix you up. Look at you all wrinkled up. Let's get your outfit right. Let's get you feeling good. Let's get a little makeover. and you're going to feel good. All right, girl? You get out there.

I don't care whether you killed your baby or not. That's none of my business. That's all I'm saying. It's none of my business. I'm just here to make you feel better, honey. And then poof. Oh, Jesus. In a cloud of glitter, he's gone.

Dexter Manley, he's out of there. And Kelly is, she feels better, though. She goes into court, and they go, wow, she's looking better. She's looking very refreshed. Her makeup was touched up. She felt good. Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it's Maybelline. Maybe it's Maybelline.

Maybe it's Dexter Manley. You never know. So her father at this point, the moose. So ridiculous. And I love it. The moose here is a constant presence in court. He accompanies Kelly, arm around her, holding her hand half the time, leading her up to court.

He comes with her back. He's like, I don't know what it is. Like he's standing guard over her. Like nobody say anything bad about my family. I'm here to hear it. God damn it. It's ridiculous. He, he, he, he puts up the $30,000 bail and he says, if I didn't believe my daughter,

I wouldn't have put up $30,000 bail. She's innocent. God damn it. Okay. He's, he says, quote, I believe the version Kelly has given, and I'm not certain of the identity of any of the other people involved. He's like, it could have been anybody. I don't know.

I know she's not lying. So my family will look worse if she's fucked up, basically. Don't embarrass me. Yes. So the trial, at the trial, the prosecution puts a list together of 95 lies that she told. Wow. Between the years of 1996, the birth of Teagan, and 1999 with the social worker. In three years, they got almost 100 lies.

95 lies. Wow. And they go over them. They're like, let's go. Because they don't have evidence, like physical evidence. And so they're like, let's tell you about this person and how she lies about everything, especially about kids. The prosecution treated her like she was their husband. Yes.

Let me tell you what you did wrong here. Listen to this. Remember when you said I didn't look fat in that dress? Look at this picture. I clearly look terrible. I was huge. I look awful. So she lied to doctors, emergency staff, adoption staff,

all of these lies that she said. Made up false addresses, occupation, made up different parents' names, different addresses for them. She just made everything up when she went to the hospital. She'd just say, no, I'm a social worker or I work at the grocery store and my parents live in Perth. Just lying, lying, giving false names, everything. They tell the jury of all of her pregnancies, they tell her about the whole history of everything

to kind of just get a pattern of this was a girl who clearly pregnancy wasn't going to be, a kid wasn't really cool with her lifestyle. She wanted to party, she wanted to go to the Olympics, and she wanted to do her thing and be a high-profile person, and that did not include having a small child. If I know Australia like I think I do, I'll bet they treated it like a drinking game. Every time I say child, you drink. You drink. Every time she had a baby, you drink.

You drink. Baby or abortion, you take a shot. Every time she lied to an adoption agency worker, you drink. So Lane's attorneys put up no defense. Really? They don't put up any defense witnesses whatsoever. I mean, they cross-examine people, but they don't put up any defense witnesses saying there's no case to answer. That's the strategy they're going

with. Rather than fight the thing, their strategy is going, we don't even have anything to answer for. We don't know what they're talking about. There's no body. We don't know what they're saying. I don't know what you're talking about. So we're just, we're not participating, basically. This is ridiculous. That's not a good legal strategy, I would say. The whole case was that the prosecution had no body, no theory on the killing, no physical evidence.

Whatever. What are you going to do? That's ballsy. It's ballsy. The trial lasts four months. This is like Australian female OJ, man. This is a four-month trial. I mean, that's how long it went with Casey Anthony, too. Yeah, four months.

It went forever. That's a long trial. That's some American shit right there. That's some tabloid American shit. I'll give the Australians that. They do their tabloid shit well. They're getting TV ratings out of this shit. Yeah.

The prosecution between the two prosecutors gave six days of closing arguments. Oh, God. Can you imagine sitting there in court and just hearing about what a piece of shit you are for six straight fucking days? Six straight days about how awful you are, the terrible things you've done, every lie you've told in every lie you told in a three-year period to everyone you met. That's got to be awful.

I don't know how you're going to just jump out the court window at that point. That's a six-year argument. That's all that is. That's a six-year argument with your wife. That's what would happen if you cheated on your wife. You're going to deal with that for six days. Yeah, six days. You're going to listen to that, and every lie you ever told that she caught you in,

that she knows that you were with that other woman. From like eight to five every day. Like it's at work. They punch out for lunch and then they come back and berate you more. I have to get a sandwich, but I'll be back. I'm going to Chipotle. You want anything? Get it yourself.

Clunk, clunk in the time clock. So they tell the jury, this is crazy, in the opening, in the closing arguments, they give a theory for the crime based on the way to the house and everything like that. Their theory is that Kelly, this is just, I think this is silly. This is one of those things that's an inflammatory theory, but it's as good a theory as anything else, but it sounds like the worst possible thing because it's symbolic. They say that she probably killed and disposed of the baby at the Olympic site they were building. They think because it passed it on the way. They think that she stopped there, killed the baby, dumped it in the work site. Oh, no.

And because then they can connect the Olympic because she wanted it. That's what they were trying to do, trying to make sure that you got the idea that she was concerned about the Olympics and that was like symbolic or something. I still don't want that to be the case. I really don't either. Okay, good. That's what they don't know. Like Jimmy Hoffa style. That's so bad. So they don't know,

but that's their theory to the jury. They're trying to give the jury, I feel like, just a picture of what it could have possibly been. Here's her doing it. Here's a scenario that you could imagine in your mind. The jury, starting on December 6, 2010, deliberates for a week, starting that day.

And on December 13, 2010, it is jury day. Jury finds Lane guilty of lying under oath in relation to the documents dealing with her other two adoptions. Because she falsified a bunch of documents, they charged her with that too. They find her guilty of that. They cannot come to a unanimous decision on the murder charge. Okay. So the judge, Judge Whealy, and apparently this is something you can do over there, the judge gives the jury the option of returning a majority decision.

I guess then the jury can say either no, we don't want to do that, or okay, fine, we'll just go with the majority decision and call that a decision. I don't think that's something the jury should be left up to them. It should probably be left up to the judge or something like that, but they return it to the jury. They put more power in the jury's hands over there. Over here, the judge is very powerful when it comes to everything. Over there, it seems like the jury has more power,

or at least in this case they did. Here's the thing. You put the judgment and the punishment and the opportunity to punish in the hands of the judge because you know why? That man studied fucking law. That's what I mean. Exactly. You don't put it in the hands of some dude that gutted a fish today. No.

A legal mind just guides these 12 people through it. There, that's literally like, up to you guys. That's crazy. So they deliberate for the rest of the day, and then they come back with a majority decision. No. It's 11 to 1. Oh, OK. I'm fine with that.

If it was like, yeah, if it was 7-5. Fuck that. No. 11 to 1. Maybe if it's 7-5, they won't agree on it. OK. Maybe that's the deal. But they agree on this.

11 to 1, guilty of murder. OK. She is denied bail until sentencing. She's wanting to stay out on bail. They say, no, no, you're going to jail now, honey. Duxter Manley's coming with you. Don't worry. She collapses when this happens.

She screams out, oh, no, and collapses to the ground. And they all rush and pick her up off the ground. And she basically just had a huge scene falling on the ground. This is the first any emotion anybody's seen out of this girl. She just loses her mind. So of the ordeal, we have a quote from her mother, Sandra. I want to know how Moose took it. Moose just looked and said, I knew she was a loser.

And then he walked out of the court, never spoke of her again. Never. Never. Don't you mention her name in my home. So I don't know if that's true. So Sandra added this whole thing, said, quote, I just wish she'd have been able to speak to us about it and we would have been able to help her. But she felt otherwise.

And I can't answer for that. I just felt that she had this great sense for protecting the family. Gee, wonder where she got that from, you fucking asshole. Sorry, I'm not blaming you. She's an asshole. But still, you made her an asshole. The product of her environment. Yes. So March 11th, 2011, they have a hearing about her sanity just to make – because before they sentence, they got to go re-sentencing someone who is mentally capable of taking a sentence.

So she's found sane, sane enough to send to prison and sentence. So on April 15th, 2011, it is sentencing day. Kelly comes into the court with – now she's been blonde always. Always blonde. She comes in with her hair dyed jet black. What? Jet black, slick back hair, emotionless face. She comes in like, I'm going to fucking battle.

I'm slicking. Yeah, she comes in like, you know, a completely different, she's like the crow. Yeah. She turned into the crow all of a sudden. I don't know what happened, but she comes into court like this and just like, I'm ready to do it, whatever. But that doesn't, I mean, here's the thing. When you dress up in court to try to present yourself, you go with like the soft look.

Nope. And you're a blonde. Don't fucking dye your hair jet black. I'm going to do this hard because it's going to be hard, so I got to be a hard person. Like she knew it was going to be bad. She'd paint her nails black, too? I don't know that, but probably. Pierce her face.

So she is sentenced to 18 years in jail. Steep. 18 years. Well, you, sir, may. You, ma'am, may. Fuck off. I had to say it because we'd never get that. You, ma'am, may.

Fuck off. I don't think we've ever said it. No. I don't think we had it with Sally McNeil when that happened. So there you go, man. There it is. Fuck off. She's sentenced to 18 years, no parole for 13 years, five months at least.

That is her minimum time. The judge says that the sentence isn't because she may do it again. They don't think she would do it again. They think she's rehabilitated, actually, but because of the aggravating factors like the age of the baby and the fact that she was the baby's mother makes it worse. You're colder if you kill your own baby than someone else's. If someone's baby's crying on a fucking plane, if it was legal, I can't say I wouldn't snap its little neck once or twice. I'm sorry. It might happen.

I could fucking probably do it morally. I'd feel bad later, but at the time, I would feel terrific and I'd sleep for an hour. And you fucking know you'd all do it, too. You know you would. At that point, it's not even a baby. If it's legal. If it's legal. Snap its little head and move back to where... I'm not saying I want to do this, but we've all had the fantasy because it's not our baby. Just snap and head back to 24F again. That's right. If it's your baby, you'd be like, don't snap my little baby's neck. The ears are

popping and you feel bad for it. I feel bad for the babies, too. But you know how it is. You know what I'm saying? You just got so mad. This is what happens, Jimmy. I get worked up sometimes. Okay, go on.

Okay. So the judge says about this whole thing, quote, this is the sentencing here, quote, the life that has been taken is a baby, completely defenseless. The present case may properly be seen in every sense as a tragedy involving mother and daughter. Secondly, it is a tragedy between mother and daughter in the sense that the offender disposed of her second child, Tegan, and in doing so tore asunder the natural relationship between mother and daughter. This fact has and will continue to haunt her throughout her life. Wow. Which I don't think it haunts her.

That's the problem right there. He assumes she has a conscience. I love Tora Sunder. It's beautiful. Our judges need to say Tora Sunder. You've torn a Sunder, and then sentence him. I don't give a shit about that. So April 18, 2011, Lane files an appeal.

Kelly appeals. That day, same day, a taxi driver comes forward, a guy named Chris Murphy. I think this guy's full of shit, but he's got an interesting story. He says that he picked Kelly up from the hospital and drove her to her parents' house. He said that she had the baby in the car. Along the way, she had him stop where there was some bushes, and she went and put the kid in the bushes and got back in the car and left. That's what she said. What the fuck?

He says he dropped her off and then he returned afterwards to the site to check on the baby. And when he got there, he found a woman there that was holding the baby and caring for the baby. So he said, hey, you got that baby? And she said, I'll take care of it and waved him off. And then he drove away. Just now I got it. I found a baby. I don't believe him for a second.

That's the most ridiculous story ever. Hey, you got that baby? Is that cool? Yeah, no, no, it's cool. I just found it in the bushes. I'll take care of it. I just dropped the mom off, so I don't think she wants it. I'll put a water bowl down.

It'll be fine. Like they found a chihuahua wandering around. Wow. So December of 2011, a book comes out, a book called Nice Girl with her picture on the front by a woman named Rachel Chin. That's released. And so that's, you know, she's already got books about her. December 12th, 2013, her appeal is denied.

Okay. Her attorney says afterwards that she was very distraught by the decision, which no shit, you shouldn't be a moron. Now, August 14th, 2014, the final appeal is denied. Final appeal. She's out. The panel, there's a panel for this, says that the defense had a, basically the way they were doing it was a murder or nothing. They're basically saying, we don't know what you did.

We don't know shit. So they weren't trying to push toward anything smaller. They were just saying she didn't murder shit. So basically the jury, all they could do was either murder or she's innocent. Right. They couldn't find her innocent. They knew she did something, so they went with murder. They were like, well, you shouldn't have had that strategy.

That was your own stupid fucking fault. You're an idiot. Off to jail with you. So she is eligible for parole on May 12, 2023. Jesus. So then she'll be sitting in an Australian prison. And oh, by the way, the 2000 Olympic water polo women's team won the gold medal in Sydney. She blew it.

The U.S. won the silver. Russia won the bronze. And she could have been a hero. She could have been a contender. She could have been something. She could have been. She could have been a country's hero. She could have been famous forever.

She could have been going on talk shows. She could have been like on a reality show or on some stupid singing show panel judging people. She could be verified on Twitter as a gold medalist. Instead, Australian prison. Enjoy. Now, the judge, I remember Judge Whealey we talked about. Judge Anthony Whealey, after he retired, he had some things to say about this actually. He said, quote here, he said, first of all, that he was like he was emotionally affected by the trial.

Yeah. Just the whole thing with the baby, with the family, with everything. He said, quote, I wasn't for myself convinced that the crown had proved its case. It wasn't my call. It was the jury's call. So my task was to try to make sure that the jury gave the woman a fair trial. Yeah. I don't even think she did it, though.

That's Kelly Lane. He doesn't think she did it, though. That's Kelly Lane. He doesn't think she did it? He doesn't know. He says, I don't think they proved their case, which they didn't prove their case. But everyone looked at her and went, yeah, there's no proof, but you definitely killed your baby. You definitely just threw your baby out. Sorry, you did. You got rid of it one way or another, and it's not alive, so go away.

I look at it this way. You have a baby, and you keep the baby. It's your responsibility to make sure that baby is alive and shows up to shit. If it doesn't, then you killed it. Period. There's no other. Nobody else could have done it unless you know of someone else that killed it. You killed the fucking baby. Period. That's it. That's Kelly Lane. Sorry, Australia. Sorry. Water polo, rugby and everybody else we've offended over the course of that. Women, I'm sure. Anti-abortion people. You name it. This will be the most offended episode. You know what? Don't care. Because that's what it is. We told you the story and we said what we think is funny.

You don't like it, fuck off. There's plenty of shows for you to go listen to. Sorry for you. Sorry for you. We're going to get to shout outs in one second. Before we do that, I do would like to make one announcement that's really cool.

You all should be listening to our other show, Small Town Murder, if you're not, by the way. Also listen to P.S. I hate this movie that I'm on about bad movies. But you should be listening to our other show, Small Town Murder, if you're not, by the way. Also, listen to PSA Hate This Movie that I'm on about bad movies. But you should be listening to Small Town Murder. Check it out. We had something very cool happen this week. We found out.

Now, we're always in the categories in society and culture, all these on iTunes. We were, as of yesterday, number 192 total of everything in America. Out of all of them. In the U.S., out of, there's, I think, 250,000 podcasts on iTunes. We were 192. We were ranked in the top 200. Small Town Murder was. Not this fucking show. This is too much of a weird cult niche thing,

and it'll never be that high. But Small Town Murder has a chance to really go up higher. That's fucking incredible. So that, first of all, is incredible, because we're nobodies. And we've explained, if you've listened to our show since the beginning, we're nobodies. We're comics. We're not famous listened to our show since the beginning, we're nobodies. We're comics. We're not famous.

We don't have a big media outlet. But we have nothing. We're the Jimmys. We're a couple of guys who do a podcast. And you people have taken it and ran with it. But the best thing about being 192, the best thing about it, Jimmy, you know what the best thing about it was? I do, but you tell them. About three slots underneath us.

Underneath us. Below. You know what was on there? ESPN's first take. A little man named Skip Bayless. He's not on there anymore, so you can't blame him. But it's his show. It's still his fucking show. And it's still that fucking hack Stephen A. Smith. Guess what, Stephen A. Smith, you hacky motherfucker, you. Eat shit.

You son of a bitch, phony bastard. I'll just take the opposite and act like a... No. Bullshit. First of all, be nicer to Max Kellerman. He's brother fucking guy. Got his head bashed in by James Butler. See episode 45, whatever the hell episode it was.

But that's not it. God damn you, Stephen A. Smith. You're a hack. And you've taken Max Kellerman in and made him a fucking hack now. He was a real boxing analyst, a real guy. You've taken him in and made him argue about stupid shit. You know what? Fuck you again. You know what? You ruined him. Fuck you again.

And guess what? Now, before, we were just talking into the darkness and no one even knew who we were. Now we're punching down. Now we're punching down at you, Stephen A. Suck a dick, motherfucker. Eat dicks. Have it. Oh, that's beautiful.

God damn it, that feels good to say. Woo. Now, with that out of the way, thank you guys for listening so much. You guys did this for us, so thank you. Thank you guys so much. Without that, we're punching up to somebody that doesn't care. With this, we're beating him and beating him. Still plenty of people to talk shit about, and I'm sure we're way above that Shannon

Sharp, Skip Bayless show, so I'm not even saying that. I can't imagine that's anywhere on the charts. Skip, you're too... I'm not even going to fucking acknowledge you anymore because you're too much of a bullshit nobody at this point. Go fuck yourself, you frosty-haired douchebag. I love this. Fame has not affected Jimmy at all. There's no fame. I just

fuck him. I've hated him since we were sitting in my living room. Success has not influenced you at all. No, I'm the exact same person. Exact. You think I'm going to be nice to people who are in positions that might? No. You think I'd like to be on ESPN someday? I don't give a fuck.

I don't care. I'm saying what I'm saying. To be on one of those things, if you have to pretend shit that you don't believe, then I don't want to fucking be it. I'll do this and I'll talk shit for the rest of my life. That's the truth. It's beautiful. But if you like what you hear.

You get to say what I believe and think. Thank you. If you like what you hear, please get on iTunes. Give us five stars. Tell us your following directions, following instructions. It means the world to us. Like you said, if you want to really help us out, you can get on Patreon, patreon.com slash crime and sports. You can leave us a donation.

If you want to do a one-time donation, you can go to PayPal. Our PayPal is crimeandsports at gmail.com. Also, get a hold of us on social media. Please do that. All sorts of social media at Crime and Sports on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook dot com slash Crime and Sports, Crime and Sports at Gmail dot com if you want to send us

an email. Do that thing. And Jimmy, why don't you tell us some of the fine folks that have done that this week? Terrific people that actually have signed up to Patreon this week are Courtney Larson, Alex Covington, Rebecca Miles, Hunter Gavers, Mary Elizabeth, Caitlin Power, Cat Power,

Tasha Rossi, and Sharoon Frankel. Thank you guys so much for your donations. That's huge. It's amazing. Kyle Goodwin, Freddie Leget... Fuck. I knew I was going to fuck this man's name up. They don't mind. Lil' Jecovist. We love you. Do you expect me to get that right?

He's terrific, though. He's no worse than Petra Gallo. You're fine. We love you. Lil' Jecovist. Thank you. you do you expect me to get that right freddy's he's terrific no worse than petra gallo you're fine we love you little jacobist thank you uh brandon kerrigan uh lenny jenison uh greg lashley linda prast lisa jones aaron mckeon carrie roger at 1408 mia she's new and uh tweeted about how much she loves us and carrie kendall thank you all so so much but real quickly the people that came out to the improv last week hanging out with uh Dan Cummins Stephen Johnston and his girlfriend uh Donnie Munsell Harry Lee and his wife and uh Matt Miller and Melissa Teufel thank you guys so much for coming out and spending some time with us the pictures were awesome it was so much fun there was more that I don't know their names and we never we don't know they weren't like Twitter people they were just like I listen to the show.

It was great to tell Dick jokes and do something different with you guys. So thanks for coming out and thanks for hanging with us. We appreciate that. And come see us more in the future. Once again, thank you, Dan Cummins, for everything. And, geez, that's it. You want to give them your social media, Jim? Yeah.

At Wisman Sucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. Tweet at me. Follow me. Let's talk. Let's chat. It's fun to hear from you guys because you guys are why we do this and the vehicle that got us here.

So thank you guys so much for listening and participating because that's the fun part. Definitely. I am at JimmyPIsFunny if you want to find me or if you want to have some fun, try to spell my last name or just copy and paste it from the episode description. Do yourself a favor

because you won't be able to spell it otherwise. That said, guys, thank you so much for joining us. You know what? We're going to keep doing it. You know we will. Live from the Crime and Sports studios, we will see you next week. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Crime and Sports early and ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and ad-free with Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts.

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