Crime in Sports - #90 - Rich Kid Gone Rogue - The Dishonestness of Byron McLaughlin
Episode Date: October 24, 2017This week, we dive deep into the story of a man who a mediocre talent, but had a penchant for lying, and scamming that knew no bounds. He started life with everything, and went to school with... movie stars, but that didn't stop him from ending up in some of the lowest situations a person could find themselves. He was both a common drug dealer, and an international counterfeiter. Born with a silver spoon, he went from playing catch on the beach with Sandy Koufax, to being a gun toting guy, with an attitude problem that got him pushed out of major league baseball, then wanted by federal, state, and international authorities. A real peach of a fella.Sell a mountain of cocaine to a police officer, be the most hated man in the world of sneakers, and bribe your way out of a North African prison with Byron McLaughlin!!Check us out, every Tuesday. We will continue to bring you the biggest idiots in sports history!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanDonate at...patreon.com/crimeinsports or with paypal.com using our email: crimeinsports@gmail.comGet tickets to Crime In Sports LIVE in Chicago on December 14 at http://www.lh-st.com/Shows/12-14-2017+Crime+In+Sports+LiveGet tickets for the LIVE Small Town Murder on the same night athttp://www.lh-st.com/Shows/12-14-2017+Small+Town+Murder+LiveCheck out or site: truecrimecomedyteam.comAll web support by Web and Writerwebandwriter.com or Facebook.com/webandwriterContact us on...twitter.com/crimeinsportscrimeinsports@gmail.comfacebook.com/Crimeinsportsinstagram.com/crimeinsports See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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We're drinking.
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But besides that, we have a crazy story.
Fantastic.
We have an insane story.
I'm really, really excited this week.
I am, too.
I can't wait to hear it.
This is such a weird story, too, because I like finding the weird stories.
Every once in a while.
Off the beaten path is always better.
It is.
It is, because we'll find stories and they're great.
There's a few different kinds of stories.
First of all, you have your kind of like your John Riccardi story a couple weeks ago, which was kind of like a murderer that was very little sports in it and that sort of thing.
Then you have guys like Jeremy Miller.
Jason Miller.
Sorry, Jeremy Miller.
Jason Miller, who we did last week, who mayhem there.
Which, by the way, you forgot to tell me that he's the worst kind of Twitter user in the history of Twitter.
Oh, he's a complete awful Twitter user.
He's the guy on Twitter that linked his YouTube page to his Twitter.
Oh, yeah.
And every time he likes something on YouTube, it shows up on his Twitter.
I liked this video.
And that's all his fucking Twitter feed is for like the past year. That's why I said his
Twitter feed is garbage now. It's horrible. Since the live
tweeting of the SWAT team. I didn't go back and listen
last week if you haven't heard that.
Besides that, his Twitter
just got terrible. But there's guys like that
who are like, okay, here's a bunch
of fights or here's a bunch of sports and then here
is just arrest, arrest, arrest, arrest, arrest,
arrest, arrest. Like just these crazy
series of arrests that is just a mess. Change we just function after the sport no just a walking cops episode basically
that's that's a different kind of thing and then we get a guy like this yeah who's like uh
an unknown yeah an unknown as far as sports goes he's a player as a major leaguer major league
baseball player and that sort of thing for four seasons and everything so it wasn't like he's
not a flash in the pan.
He actually played sports.
There's plenty of sports and plenty of crime.
And then he did a couple of really, really odd things.
Average baseball player career in the majors was two years, is it?
I want to say it's four years.
Is it four?
I want to say, because NFL, it's just shy of four years.
Oh, yeah, right, right, right.
They set that pension just below the average four years. They're like, right, right, right. Because again, they set that pension just below the average, is that four years.
They're like, let's get most people not getting this pension.
Let's just have them limping around out there on their own forever.
What do you say?
That's the NFL and how they get down.
This guy here, let's talk about him.
Let's get into it.
Let's talk about Byron Scott McLaughlin.
Okay.
Byron McLaughlin.
Never heard of him?
No.
Didn't think you had him.
I've heard of Byron Scott.
Played for the Lakers.
Byron Scott, yeah, different guy. This is not as very much whiter, first of all, Byron McLaughlin. Never heard of him? No. Didn't think you had. I've heard of Byron Scott. Played for the Lakers. Yeah, different guy.
This is not as very much whiter, first of all, Byron McLaughlin.
He is, wow, we'll get into this.
What a crazy story this is.
He's born September 29th, 1955.
Okay.
He's born in Van Nuys, California, LA basically.
Yeah.
LA, he's a rich kid.
Really?
He is a rich kid, and we'll find out later on exactly how powerful.
He's got a very connected, very powerful mother who gets him out of some jams.
I'm guessing coke is his downfall.
We'll find out.
That's part of it.
There's part of it.
It's got to be, because it's a rich L.A. kid.
You could never guess what his main crime is, because we've never had it before.
It's one of these crimes where you're like, who thinks to do that, even?
But it's kind of genius, and he made a lot of money these crimes where you're like, well, who thinks to do that even? But it's kind of genius and he made a lot of money.
But you're just like, who the fuck thinks to do that?
There's also drugs and fuckery and everything else.
Don't worry.
He's an asshole too.
Don't worry.
But still, grew up in Malibu, which you know you're a rich kid if you grew up in Malibu.
That's kind of how it is here.
Now, it's weird because there isn't a lot written about his kind of childhood here
because he wasn't a guy who, when he came out of high school or college,
like set the world on fire sports-wise.
At 18 years old, reporters were clamoring to get his story.
He wasn't that, as we'll find out later how he gets into the big leagues.
He's not that kind of guy, so you just don't hear a lot about that.
People catch up with him later, and they're like, who is this asshole?
Then they start writing about him.
But in a few of these, I found tons and tons of stuff that I dug deep for.
And in these, I found comments from people who grew up with this guy.
Oh, boy.
So we don't know if these are true or not.
But we don't know if anything's true other than shit in court documents anyway, things
that people say.
We don't know if anything's true other than shit in court documents anyway, things that people say.
But I found several testimonials about him later on when we were talking.
Pre-Yelp.
These are personal Yelp reviews.
This is personal childhood Yelp reviews about this guy.
I love it.
I have one guy here.
It says, Byron's family and my family grew up together on Malibu Road in Malibu, California, and we all had many capital letters.
Happy years there.
I even had the wind knocked out of me by one of his pitches.
I was the catcher.
He was only about nine at the time.
Who knew?
Why are you catching the ball with your chest, dickhead?
I think he missed. Catch it with your hand.
He's a poor player.
He just said, I grew up in Malibu, and wouldn't you know it,
I'm uncoordinated as fuck.
Weird, huh?
Weird. Isn't it strange? I'm a blue-blood, rich kid asshole who grows up in Malibu, and wouldn't you know it, I'm uncoordinated as fuck. Weird, huh? Weird.
Isn't it strange?
I'm a blue-blood, rich kid asshole who grows up in Malibu, and I'm not that great at sports?
Odd, right?
Strange.
All right, Trevor.
Tell us more.
Oh, shit.
What do you got there, Hunter?
So another childhood friend.
I grew up with Byron McLaughlin in Malibu.
He attended Malibu Park Junior High School, now Malibu High School, and Santa Monica High School.
We played on the same Colt League baseball team together in 1970.
Colt?
Colt League.
Colt?
C-O-L-T.
Oh, like Colt.
Yeah, like Colt.
Mini League.
A mini league, exactly.
Like a baby horse.
Sorry. There's a few words my accent comes out on.
Yeah, sorry.
New York Colt and frustrated. I've had people, hey, there's an R in it.
You skip that R every time.
Yeah, I know. Guess what? Fuck you. I'm trying my best.
Most of the time. You know how hard it is to lose an accent? You also skip the D
in birthday all the time. Yeah, okay.
Do you know
how hard it is to lose an accent?
I know. There's like three
fucking words that I don't have it on. I'm trying
my best. That's why I usually let them ride.
If you want, I can just sound like Bobby Colorado
all the time and everybody can eat shit. How's that sound usually let them ride. If you want, I can just sound like Bobby Colorado all the time and everybody can
eat shit. How's that sound? Or would you like me to
proceed the way I am going now? That's why I just
let them ride and I just don't give a shit.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
This person says
they first met Byron when he was in their
study hall class in 1968.
He told me that he wanted to become a Major League
Baseball player. I saw the fire
in his eyes and the passion he had for baseball.
He was 13 or 12 at that time or something.
In another class at Santa Monica High School, he told me that he was going to pitch in a Major League game at Dodger Stadium.
Somebody else here says that.
That guy's in love with him.
That's what it sounds like.
It really does.
That guy has beat off so many times to that man.
It might be a woman, too.
Oh, it could be.
I'm not sure.
They played on the same cult baseball team back then. You couldn't have girls on it probably now you could but back then
no another still craigslist misconnection absolutely yeah he still he saw the fire
if you see the fire in someone's eyes when he's 13 take it easy man he used the words he used the
term fire in his eyes and passion in the same sentence that dude wants he typed that shit
one-handed for sure oh big time yeah while looking at old black and white photos and passion in the same sentence. That dude wants his dick. He typed that shit one-handed for sure.
Oh, big time.
Yeah, while looking at old black and white photos of him in the yearbook.
Look at him.
Just whacking away.
Shirtless on the swim team.
Slow tug rubbing the seam.
Oh, you know it, baby.
So he says, quote, I also grew up with Byron in Malibu, going to school with him and playing
little league baseball with him when we were 9 to 12 years old.
He was so focused on baseball.
I think at that time he had a dozen baseball gloves because he was a rich kid.
I had one.
I still have one from when I was 12.
I have one that all the leather is coming off of it.
Like that's the glove I have.
It's a mess.
A dozen.
I said, quote, spent some time at sleepovers at his house on the beach.
Oh, boy.
House on the beach.
Yeah.
Rich.
Such a tough life.
Yeah.
I remember he had a big dog.
He claimed that he had played catch with Sandy Koufax on the beach many times.
No reason to doubt him.
Who the fuck?
Doubt everything he says because he's a fucking liar, this guy, completely.
Also, who is he?
Total liar.
What's that old man that was on CNN?
I forget his name.
God damn it.
Wolf Blitzer?
No, the other one that's been married like 97 times.
Larry King.
Larry King, yes.
Larry King constantly calls back Sandy Koufax about how good of friends they were.
From my recollection, the story that I heard, somebody called him on it and he'd never met Sandy Koufax.
That's fucking amazing.
So I wouldn't be surprised if this guy never met him either.
That's funny as shit. Probably not, but maybe you never know it's possible the dodgers i don't
believe anything this guy says because i've i know his story so at this point we're like that's
possible or maybe his mom that's the thing his parents had a big ass house on the beach his mom
may have rented sandy kovacs for his birthday his mom is seriously connected in the state of
california too as we'll find out later. He's definitely had a catch.
She might have said, like, yeah, go
walk. Now, don't even just pop over and knock on the
door either. My son's going to be down on the beach.
Just walk by him and act like it's just a
casual meeting and you didn't even expect it.
Hey, kid, do you want to play catch? Hey, you happen
to have a baseball kit? No, I do. You have a
glove I could borrow? I have a dozen, as a matter
of fact. Perfect. Great.
Let's have a catch. Let's have a catch let's have a
catch oh man uh so he goes to santa monica high school where he plays catcher uh for the last
three years of his high school baseball career uh now santa monica high school we have got to
talk about this shit because how many assholes went there oh my god is it just a flood of people
that went blue blood dickheads even if it was just like five or ten, I would have said, all right, I'll grab a couple.
I had to get the whole list because it's ridiculous, the people there.
And I'm going to skip the people who I've kind of heard of that aren't whatever.
Okay.
Dean Cain.
Get out of here.
Dean Cain.
He looks like a guy that would do that.
He went there.
Carson Daly.
Yes.
The MTV personality and talk show guy after that. You almost can't tell Carson Daly and that other asshole apart.
Dean Cain.
And Carson, same guy.
Same guy, plus or minus six inches.
Well, guess what?
Let's throw another one in there, this one with talent, Robert Downey Jr.
Jesus Christ.
Why do they all have black hair?
I don't know.
It's crazy.
But they all look the same.
Oh, John Ehrlichman, who was a big Watergate guy.
He was in with Nixon, that whole thing there.
Emilio Estevez.
Jesus.
And Charlie Sheen.
Charlie Sheen.
And Ramon Estevez and Rene Estevez.
Every Estevez.
All the Estevez's went there, which is interesting here.
Seymour Butts.
Really?
The porn connoisseur there.
Adam Glasser is his real name there.
Seymour Butts, which is
Seymour Butts. What the fuck?
That's so great. That's an actual
porn name? That's fantastic. That's a guy.
He's like a...
He's a gay porn? No, no. He's like...
I've never seen him, I don't think.
Fuck, who the hell was it? I knew a guy who was
obsessed with this guy's shit.
Really?
He was like, he's got a new video out.
He was like, okay.
He was really into his shit.
I assume there's probably a lot of butt play in Seymour Butts.
It's got to be his thing.
But he's a guy who makes a bunch of these shitty porn movies, basically.
He's got a little, like I said, I don't know, some kind of little empire, a little porn empire
going on there.
Tons of baseball players.
Really?
Absolutely.
Also, tons of basketball players, baseball players.
The Lowe's.
Rob and Chad Lowe both went there.
Yeah.
Jimmy Lennon Jr., their boxing ring announcer, went there.
Glenn Milburn, I remember, a little NFL player there.
Mike Muir, the singer of Suicidal Tendencies.
Oh, no shit.
Just went there.
It's just so many people.
Stephen Miller, who is a complete douchebag.
He's an advisor to Trump now.
I don't care what your politics are.
That guy's an asshole.
Whatever your politics are, Stephen Miller's a complete piece of shit.
And he went there, too.
Oh, God.
He went there, too.
And I've actually heard about him because he was like basically one of these white power
guys in high school.
Of course.
He had a speech in college where he said, we pay all these janitors.
Why do we have to pick our garbage up?
What?
He made a speech saying that.
Wow.
Why should we be nice to poor people was the speech.
Fucking burn them.
Burn them at the stake.
Why do we care about our community and our environment?
We should be able to trash it because we have people that clean that up.
This dude's just an asshole.
He's just one of those guys here.
The lead singer of the band Berlin went there, which I would think they would be German,
but they're not apparently.
Chris and Sean Penn went there.
Of course.
Not too bad.
Holly Robinson-Pete went there.
So actress Ronda Rousey.
Whoa.
The UFC MMA.
The terrible fighter.
Fighter, yeah.
Has been beating a lot lately.
Maya Rudolph.
Oh, really?
The SNL actress and just actress in general.
Well, that makes sense.
Her dad's, who's her dad?
Maya Rudolph?
I don't remember who her dad is, but her mom was a singer.
Her mom sang that.
Yeah, and her dad is too.
Yeah, I don't remember exactly who he was.
It's not Lionel Richie.
It's the other one.
It's probably not Lionel Richie.
It's the other super famous one.
Which one?
Let me look.
I'll Google it.
Smokey Robinson?
Maybe.
He kind of looks like Lionel richie a little bit
with that mustache and a jerry curl if you take like like 79 uh uh lionel richie and you take
like 73 smoky robinson you got the same guy it's very much like dean kane and fucking carson daly
that's a good point here dennis smith the guy you should be familiar with number 49
bronco free safety you're goddamn right.
I know he's like a Bronco Hall of Famer.
A ton of people. And there's more I could mention.
We could literally go on all night talking about the
alumni of Santa Monica High School,
Olympic gold medalists.
This is a high school you don't want to go to because no matter
what you do, you're going to be like the
4,800th most famous person in this
fucking high school because you're not going to beat
Charlie Sheen and people like that.
It's just not going to happen.
And the Estevez family.
And the Estevez family.
Oh, and Robert Wagner went there, too.
Oh, is that right?
I forgot to mention Robert Wagner.
The guy that may or may not have killed the lady on the boat?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Well, no.
Robert Wagner.
Is that Robert Wagner?
Yeah.
Oh, that is Robert Wagner.
Yes.
You're goddamn right.
Yes, it is.
And Christopher Walken was there.
Yes, Robert Wagner, who is-
I forget her name, too. Natalie Wood. Natalie Wood. Natalie Wood. And Christopher Walken was there. Yes, Robert Wagner, who is- I forget her name, too.
Natalie Wood.
Natalie Wood, yeah, yeah.
And Christopher Walken was a god.
And Maya Rudolph, her dad's not famous.
Her dad's not.
It was her mom.
It was the girl from The Office that I was thinking of that I confused her with.
Oh, okay, okay.
I forget her dad.
Now, Maya Rudolph of SNL and, I don't know, woman movie fame.
Every fucking girl movie.
That's all she's into, though.
That's the thing.
She's like the Kevin James of women. Right. You know what I mean? Maya Rudolph, the Kevin James of women. Yeah all she's into, though. That's the thing. She's like the Kevin James of women.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Maya Rudolph, the Kevin James of women.
Yeah, she's much funnier.
She's much funnier.
Maya Rudolph, the Kevin James of women and talent.
And she's not a big fatso either.
Yes, and she's very much more attractive than Kevin James.
Oh, God, yes.
And I just don't want to punch her in the throat repeatedly until she stops breathing like I do with Kevin James for every stupid shit thing he does.
Good God.
So December 24th, 1974, Christmas Eve.
All right.
Merry Christmas to young Byron McLaughlin as he signs as an amateur undrafted free agent with the Montreal Expos.
Oh.
So he's undrafted.
Yeah.
He's not.
That's what I mean.
He doesn't have a lot of heat coming out of high school.
He's not like one of these.
He's overshadowed, first of all.
But you would think a high school like that, there's going to be scouts watching because
there's tons of players coming from there.
So if you're any good at all, you're going to get attention, which is what happens to
him.
He doesn't get drafted, but he's on people's radar.
Makes sense.
Because he played where scouts were and they were like undrafted.
You know, you're looking to fill rosters and minors. You that that's your guy that's your guy rashida jones was the
one that i was thinking of her dad is quincy jones okay yeah yeah well yeah she's brilliantly
funny too yeah she's funny too yeah quincy jones not as funny no no no he's not funny at all as a
matter of fact from what i know of him he might be hilarious from what i know he's rich as shit
because of other people but oh yeah yeah no he'll He'll rob you blind. He'll rob you blind.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
If you're a 17-year-old kid with a black kid with a song written, you're going to be turned
upside down and have the chain shaken from your pockets.
So he signs with the X-Bows.
You're probably a great guy.
I don't think he is probably.
I think he's probably a piece of shit if we're being honest here.
He's probably such an asshole. Think about it.
Think about it. He's probably the biggest asshole
in the world. He probably is. You're probably right.
Especially to be like... I could see
when old white dudes were robbing black
kids of their music, but he was like,
I could rob them easier.
They'll trust me. I could do it
easier. They know not to trust
some old Jewish guy, but me?
They ain't trusting Whitey as far as they can throw him.
But me, I'm going to have a big
ass house. Me and you are going to make all of Whitey's money
now. Come on. Next thing you know, he's like,
how come I didn't get paid anything? And that's
a problem now. Quincy Jones and
Barry Gordy. Barry Gordy and Quincy Jones.
Yeah, that's the thing.
You know what, too? I think I've taken some of my
Barry Gordy out on Quincy Jones.
I think I really have. I don't think Quincy Jones is as bad as Barry Gordy out on Quincy Jones. On Quincy Jones. I think I really have.
I don't think Quincy Jones is as bad as Barry Gordy.
He's probably amazing.
All right, fine.
Quincy Jones is probably his sweetheart.
Fuck.
All right.
Sorry, Quincy.
Barry Gordy, you can go fuck yourself, guy.
You've been a total asshole for decades.
Forever.
You can kiss my ass.
Byron, on the other hand, who has no musical ability whatsoever, no interest from Motown
or any other record company,
but he did sign with the Expos, which for him is better.
If you're not a singer, you'd rather be signed with the Expos
than with Barry Gordy.
No doubt.
He's assigned in minor leagues.
He's put down in the minors the West Palm Beach Expos
of the Class A Florida State League.
That is rookie ball down there.
He only plays seven games for them down there,
and he plays them at catcher.
Also, they keep him as a position player right now.
That's what he's been all through high school.
That's what they brought him in as.
In seven games, he hits 313, five hits in RBI, one walk, two strikeouts.
That's not bad.
Not bad.
Seven games isn't in baseball.
You can't really measure what he's doing.
You need to watch somebody for 100 games before you can get an idea.
For a fucking season.
For a whole season because it's a cumulative game.
At this point here, he starts to pitch but not in games.
They're like, let's see if you can throw.
Let's see because he had a good arm.
He's a catcher with a live arm and good at throwing out base runners, that sort of thing.
So they're like, let's see if you can actually pitch the ball.
So he throws pretty hard.
They're looking at that.
This team had – I always look for these teams.
That makes sense.
I never even thought about that, that a catcher would be able to pitch really well
because he's got to come up from a crouching stance and throw a ball on target.
Well, another thing, too, is –
That's an unbelievable feat.
Catchers also understand how to go at a hitter.
They understand how pitches are going to go when and where and where placement is best.
The strategy is all right there anyway.
Yeah, you're right there.
It's usually shortstops are the most converted into pitchers.
Like a lot of major league pitchers were shortstops.
Trevor Hoffman, the Hall of Fame, second all-time in saves for the Padres.
He was a shortstop.
They've got to have unbelievable arms, those shortstops.
Even Tim Wakefield was a shortstop.
No kidding. Isn't that weird? Tim Wakefield was a position player, too. It's guys unbelievable arms. It's weird. Even Tim Wakefield was a shortstop. No kidding. Isn't that weird?
Tim Wakefield was a position player, too. It's guys like
that. It's very strange.
A catcher is essentially a
fat pitcher. Pretty much, yeah.
A fat, short pitcher. A pitcher who looks like he
makes a good pizza.
He knows
where the good food joints are in every town.
My favorite catcher of all time, and not
for his play at all, is Sal Fasano.
I don't know if you've Googled Sal Fasano,
and tell me if you didn't order a pie
from that guy last week with pepperoni and mushrooms.
I was thinking John, isn't John Crook?
John Crook's a fat guy.
Sal Fasano looks like a fat 50-year-old Italian guy
with a mustache that works behind the counter
of a pizza place.
John Rodriguez, same way.
That's a guy that knows where food is.
Oh, he looks like he knows where food is, but he looks like a ball player, too.
This guy literally looks like they pulled out.
They said, come on.
Come on.
Let's go.
No, Paulie, you've got to come.
Dust off the flour from your hips.
Close up the shop.
Close it up.
I don't care if there's people waiting for their pies.
Close it up.
We need to get you on the field.
And he's like, all right.
He's wiping sauce and flour off his hands on his apron as he
walks out. I like that guy.
So he is assigned,
like I said, West Palm Beach Expos. And I try to
find out if there's any good
players from the future that were on this team.
There's nobody. Gary Reneke
was on the team. He was, I think,
an Oriole in the 80s and 70s
and not a great one. Just a guy I remembered
from baseball cards when I was a kid.
So that's pretty much it there.
The team, though, 79-53 for the year.
Not bad there.
It doesn't matter, though.
They don't give a shit because Byron doesn't even make it that far
to get to that record because he's released after seven games by Montreal.
So in a AAA ball club like that, I don't think I have ever known this.
It's probably good that I'm asking right now.
So in AAA, do they have, like, fucking It's probably good that I'm asking right now. Why?
So in AAA, do they have like a fucking playoffs and a championship?
Yeah, they have championships. Do they?
Yeah, they have minor league championships.
Absolutely.
They should talk about that more often.
People might watch that.
Well, nobody cares because I think the championships are going on after the good players have been
called up to the majors because there's a September call-ups.
So there's nobody good in there.
So I think, or they might wrap up just before that.
I'm not sure.
But it doesn't really matter because you don't have control over your team.
You could have the best team all year, and then your two-star players could get called up to the next level.
Now your team sucks.
Now your team sucks.
So it's not really anything you did.
It's whoever you're given.
It's just whatever's still hanging.
You've got the most mediocre players on the team, and that's why you win.
That's it.
Or you've got a couple of young studs.
The championship game has so many errors.
Yeah, it's just terrible.
Fucking terrible.
That's why nobody gives a shit.
You're right.
No shit.
That's why we've never heard of it.
It's the fact, man.
We just fucking told you all, and it was all just common sense.
No shit.
So by June of 74, he's released.
So that's not terrific.
He didn't make it half the season with this A-ball team.
And granted, those are shorter seasons in rookie ball,
but they got rid of him before the season was over.
They didn't call him up.
They just released him.
They just said goodbye.
We don't need you.
You're a catcher who's not a great catcher,
and we think maybe you can pitch,
but we really don't want to put the effort into finding out.
Have a good one.
So he's jobless for almost a year.
He's jobless for about nine
months until March 4th, 1975
when the Baltimore Orioles sign
him, which Orioles, by the way,
is the stupidest spelled word ever.
I don't know why, but it's one of those
words that I can't spell for shit, and every
time I look at it, I'm like, there's a fucking O
in a word. Fuck this word. I hate it.
I don't know why. It drove me nuts.
Is it six letters? Seven letters, right? Seven letters. Yeah, O-R-I-O, which is just, that this word. I hate it. I don't know why. It drove me nuts. Is it six letters?
Seven letters, right?
Seven letters.
Yeah.
O-R-I-O, which is just, that bothers me.
It's that part.
R-E-O.
Right.
R-E-O, I want to say.
Fuck it, never mind.
Anyway.
That's a bird.
They signed him to be a pitcher.
Okay.
So they're like, all right, we see potential in him as a pitcher, which is good for him. He needs something here.
He's got to have a job, although his parents are rich and he really doesn't need one, but whatever.
He sent his single egg.
That's a good point, because I was almost going to ask you,
nine months out of a job, how the fuck did he get by?
Oh, yeah, he's a rich white kid.
Yeah, he was playing catch on the beach with Sandy Koufax.
That's how he got by.
He's fine.
That's the thing.
Yeah, it wasn't like, oh, we've had some of these
where it's like he's driving a truck at night.
Right.
He works as a, you know, a sub, what was the guy in England,
a subway driver, and it was a Peter Story or something. Horrible, a, you know, a sub, what was a guy in England, a subway driver?
Horrible.
And it was a Peter Story or something.
And he's actually driving the subway.
He's actually driving the subway at night.
We have some guys like that, but this is not one of them.
He's a guy who, I picture him just sitting there with his blonde hair.
It's the 70s.
Watching his trust fund expand.
Fucking Eagles are playing in the background, you know.
He's sitting there just loving it.
Doing coke.
Peaceful, easy feeling like a bastard.
Just loving life.
Oh, God.
Not knowing what any of the sad songs on the radio are even close to about.
He laughs at them.
He's like, these are hilarious.
Somebody's got such a shit life.
Fucking heartbreak, huh?
That's brutal.
That's crazy.
So he sent a single A rookie league down there, the Bluefield Orioles,
and the Appalachian League.
If you're from Malibu and you have a beach house, you do not want to be sent anywhere called the Appalachian anything.
That sounds like shit.
Fuck no.
Bluefield, Virginia.
Yeah.
How often do you think this guy's been to Bluefield, Virginia, or anyone he knows has been to Bluefield, Virginia?
The first time he heard about it was when they said, you're going to Bluefield.
Yeah, and he got there and he was like, so the country club is what way?
They were like, what now?
What?
Where can my mom buy me a membership?
The 4-H club?
It's right over there.
Wow.
Yeah, not exactly probably what he's used to.
Fish out of water story for sure.
I would say.
That sounds terrible.
By the way, that team is now the Bluefield Blue Jays, which sounds better.
Which makes more sense.
Yeah, these minor league teams switch affiliations so often.
Oh, God, so often these teams move all around and give.
It's so strange.
Just like that's our team now.
They trade teams with each other.
It's so strange.
They trade the whole fucking thing.
It's a whole team.
It's a team they trade.
It's so strange.
Like your affiliation is, yeah, like the Yankees used to have Columbus,
and now they're the Scranton Wilkes-Barre Red Barons or whatever. It's your AAA. Like your affiliation is, yeah, like the Yankees used to have Columbus and now they're the
Scranton Wilkes-Barre Red Barons or whatever.
It's your AAA.
So strange.
Fucking Pennsylvania.
Goddamn weird Western Pennsylvania.
It's so strange.
I love it, but it's weird.
People are cool.
Weird ass place.
Strange.
It is definitely Northwest Virginia, I would say.
It's a good way to call it.
Northwest Virginia.
North Virginia.
They should just parcel that shit out.
There should just be a ton of different
Virginias here. Northwest, West Virginia.
You know what? Yeah, every redneck play
should just have a Virginia in it.
Just throw Virginia in there somewhere.
East, South Virginia. Shit that doesn't even make
not Southeast Virginia. East, South Virginia.
Like shit like that. We're like East, South.
There's already a Southeast. How is that possible?
Just everything.
I love it. So he starts pitching down there uh he pitches in 14 games and he is one and two with a 7.46 era which is that's high that's a lot of runs slightly high it's not great uh 31 runs
on 45 hits and only 35 innings pitched so that that is going to get you a 746 ERA.
That's a lot.
But here's a promising stat.
And if you're kind of a baseball person, this will make sense.
If not, you're learning this here.
He has 32 strikeouts and only 15 walks.
Wow.
Now, for a guy who just learned how to pitch,
you're not expecting him to be able to not let guys hit the ball.
But at least he can—
You've got to pitch a lot to get strikeouts.
You do.
Usually, I mean, on an average at bat, that's like five pitches per person to get the strikeout.
That's tough to do.
If you look at Nolan Ryan, who's got the most strikeouts, his pitch counts were outrageous because he would go 3-2 to everybody.
And then foul pitches off.
Every at-bat was eight pitches off. Yeah, just keep it going.
Every bat was eight pitches long.
It was crazy.
But 32 strikeouts and 15 walks shows really – that's actually a good stat.
That's two strikeouts per walk.
Not bad.
That's showing you have some control, which is very promising in a guy who just started
pitching professionally.
But the problem is, too, he's got that high ERA, which means a couple of those pitches
are getting telegraphed like a motherfucker. Oh, thing they are touching them all yeah and i wonder we
i'm sure they're saying just get it over the plate at that level just get it over the plate
you're learning to pitch throw hard throw it over the plate and guys are jacking fastballs on him
and he's like okay and you get some contact on a fastball it's coming at you it's got to go
somewhere fast and even in the low uh leagues of baseball, single A, double A, guys can hit fastballs.
That's easy for them.
That's what they're supposed to hit.
Unless it's coming 102.
They're going to hit a fastball.
It's the curveball that gets them, the sliders that get them.
That thing's nasty.
He also has one save, and he has two starts.
So they don't know.
They're like, maybe he'll be a little out of the bullpen.
We'll start him.
They're just trying to figure out what he is, who he is.
He's moved up to a better Class A.
That's Class A rookie ball.
He's moved up to full Class A.
The Lodi Orioles of
the California League. That's a little better
for him. At least he's within striking range of
home and beach pussy
and things like that.
You know what I mean? Beach pussy
and catch games with Sandy Koufax.
If you're used to beach pussy and playing
catch with Sandy Koufax, the Appalachian
League is not going to cut it.
I'm sorry.
It's just not.
It's not your game.
Here he pitches in 12 games for them.
He's 0-1 with a 4.67 ERA in 26 games, which that's three runs lower.
Not bad.
4.67 is like average.
Four and a half is your average ERA.
He's improving.
That's fine.
That's the thing.
27 innings pitched, only 17 runs, 29 hits, which is a little more than your
innings pitch.
That's not great.
12 strikeouts, 17 walks.
Okay.
So it's a little harder, but this is a harder league.
So you would expect that.
And I think they send you up there also to see if you can handle the challenge of it
and see how you react to people being able to hit you easier now and things like that. Although
he had plenty of time to worry about
that while he was having a 7.46 ERA.
He knew what it was like to
get hit probably. That hurts. All of these
appearances are in relief. So now they're
thinking he's a relief pitcher for now.
That's nice. Yeah. Now after the
season's over, Baltimore releases him clean.
Oh really? Which is odd I think because
he showed some promise.
And single A ball, that seems decent for a guy who just started pitching.
But they weren't real interested in him.
We find out why later on.
Because he's kind of a dick.
Really?
He's kind of a douche.
Kind of a smidge arrogant?
He's known as a clubhouse cancer, kind of an asshole kind of a guy, basically.
And he gets a bad reputation.
And now it makes no sense.
But later on, as I got deeper into the story, I'm like,
no wonder why all these teams are releasing him, because he's a dick.
If you're a young kid and you're coming up and you have a great attitude.
Just bad behavior coming out, and that'll get you tossed.
If you have a great attitude, they'll do a lot for you.
They'll go, you know, that kid really works hard, and there's a potential there.
But if you're kind of a dick and you're on the fence talent-wise,
fuck that guy. Get him out of here.
There's somebody that really wants his job somewhere
else. Yeah, there's a million guys that would take
that job happily without having a much better
attitude, I think they look at it. So,
1976, he's looking for something
to do. He signs with an
independent minor league team. It's a single
A team, Indy Ball. In
the 70s, there was about,
I want to say, five independent teams left in baseball. Baseball used to be filled. The minor
league system used to be filled with independent teams. They would be loosely affiliated with a
team, but not affiliated. There was some tender, juicy hot dog somewhere. Yes, exactly. But they're
not getting money from an organization, from a parent organization to help them run.
Yeah, they actually have to get people to come to the games and buy hot dogs and shit,
or else they're not going to be able to pay their players.
They're paying the players out of their pocket, where otherwise the MLB team, the big team, kicks in.
It's Mr. Harvey from the Women's Baseball League.
It's Mr. Harvey and his Harvey bars financing a whole league.
Exactly.
But this is just independent teams, which is really interesting.
There's a documentary.
I think it's still on Netflix.
It's about Kurt Russell's dad.
What?
That Kurt Russell's dad.
Really?
And Kurt Russell was a minor league baseball player.
Don't know if you knew that.
I did not know that.
Kurt Russell was an excellent baseball player in high school and was actually a minor league
ball player for his dad's team. He's an amazing person, too. He is fucking Kurt Russell's god excellent baseball player in high school and was actually a minor league ball player for his dad's team.
I hear he's an amazing person, too.
He is fucking Kurt Russell's god.
I'm sorry.
He's the goddamn best.
I've heard he's a great fucking person.
Yes.
You should pray to Kurt Russell, I think.
That's our god.
You should pray to him because he's there for you and his hair is perfect.
And he grows an amazing Wyatt Earp mustache, too.
Yes, he's also Wyatt Earp and he's married to Goldie Hawn.
Right.
Fantastic.
He's also a national treasure.
It's beautiful. It's another one
that should be just
acceptable to just jerk off to her
and if you get a chance to fuck her, it should be
fine. She's fantastic.
She is fantastic. She has a shithead daughter, but she's
fantastic. Yeah, her daughter's really bad. I'm not a fan
of her daughter. I had to watch many of her movies
for P.S. I Hate This Movie, the other
podcast there, which wowed it. I cannot enjoy any of her daughter. I had to watch many of her movies for P.S. I Hate This Movie, the other podcast there.
Horrible.
Wow, did I cannot enjoy any of her performances.
She is a dick.
But this documentary, Kurt Russell's father, who was on Bonanza for a long time, he decided to go to Portland to start a minor league baseball team.
That's awesome.
He loved baseball.
He played baseball when he was a kid. His dream was to be a baseball player, but he ended up being an actor.
And he got in with the Yankees and would go into the Yankees clubhouse and hang out with Lou Gehrig and shit.
Really?
DiMaggio and all these guys in the 30s and 40s.
So his dad was super into baseball.
His dad started this team.
The documentary is called The Battered Bastards of Baseball.
It's a good name.
It's a great name.
That's fantastic.
That's like a fucking Tarantino movie. That's what I mean. It's such a good name it's a great name that's fantastic that's like a fucking tarantino
that's what i mean it's such a great name and it's about this ragtag team that he put together
he had open tryouts and that i'm telling you this because that's the that this is what he's
gonna go play on a team like this he has open tryouts yeah so there's people riding in on a
riding cross country on a dirt bike to go try out for some baseball team guys borrowing bus fare to
go up there and you you know, hippies.
Because this was the mid-70s, guys with just long hair and shit trying to try out for teams.
There's dudes, they shot the footage of the tryouts.
There's a dude like in a three-piece suit trying out.
Like it's just goofy shit.
It's everybody.
It's so silly.
But they ended up being a great team.
Like they ended up being this really badass team that like the other organizations when
they played them in the minor league playoffs, would send good players down so they would beat this team because otherwise they would fucking win all the time.
That's awesome.
So it's really cool.
And this is the type of team we're talking about.
The battered bastards.
That's fucking great.
Battered bastards in baseball.
Fuck that of baseball part.
It's just battered bastards.
Somebody should pick that as the devil race.
They should be the Tampa Bay battered bastards.
The battered bastards.
That's awesome.
I like that, too.
That'd be great.
A lot of Kurt Russell in the documentary, too, which is fantastic.
This is great.
He was a player.
I can listen to him all day long.
I've heard recently, actually, where did I hear it?
The story is fucking fantastic.
He was on a set with, I believe, him and Goldie Hawn were there because he was on the set.
I think it was on the set of the some movie with Tarantino recently.
Whatever one he just did recently. Was it the
Hateful Eight or whatever? I don't know.
Anyway, they were on a set somewhere together and they
wanted to go out to dinner and
they were in a small town. There was just this little dive
bar nearby and Kurt Russell
took Goldie Hawn and Tarantino
with him and they just went in and mingled
with normal ass people.
They're not made
yeah but he's kind of russell too like if you in a hick ass town people are gonna be fucking
blown away yeah but kurt russell act like dicks it's weird too because he did grow up his dad
was on bonanza like he wouldn't grow up like a normal kid but he seems really like he was on
the minor league team with big stupid goggle glasses on, just being a regular schlub
on the team, not trying to be anybody special.
He just seems like a guy who just goes in and does what he has to do.
What a great guy.
A blue-collar actor, if that's possible.
I don't know why.
That should be everybody, though.
Everybody should do that.
True, but people don't.
It's fucked up that I'm blown away that somebody's nice.
That someone can go in a bar and speak to humans for an hour.
Yeah, and just have some fried chicken and just eat.
It would be amazing if he went in there and performed open heart surgery on the pool table
and saved a young woman's life.
That's where I should be blown away.
That would be like, holy figs, an actor, and he can do that?
That's amazing.
I mean, right up on the pool table.
Right.
It was crazy.
And he even put a tarp down for her so it wouldn't fuck it up.
Like, he's considerate.
He knew how to pull a tourniquet and everything.
It was incredible. Saves lives, and he's considerate. He knew how to pull a tourniquet and everything. It was incredible.
Saves lives and he's considerate.
What a great guy.
Instead, I'm just thrilled that he had chicken fried steak and a fucking cold bud light.
Didn't throw it at anybody.
So this guy here, Byron, goes to play with a team similar to Kurt Russell's father's team here.
And it's the same year, 276, which is, I think, the same season that this all started,
the documentary is about.
They are the independent single-A Victoria Cowboys of the Gulf States League.
They're formerly the Victoria Rosebuds, even though they stopped playing in Victoria
when they moved there.
They went to Oklahoma.
It's a weird thing.
It's a terrible name.
They've been the Eagles, the Rosebuds, the Cowboys, all different names.
They've had previous.
They used to have affiliations, Major League.
They had the Orioles in 61, the Tigers in 60, and the Dodgers in 57 to 59.
They've won two minor league titles, this team.
So, you know, they used to be a double-A team.
They ended up going to Ardmore, Oklahoma back in the 60s.
Super weird.
It's just one of these weird teams.
The guy who owned it in the 60s was a rancher.
Awesome.
He was a rancher.
That's great.
He gave me a baseball team.
I'm going to feed these boys beans every meal.
That's it.
He had a heart attack, and they had to move him out of it.
He did.
He had a heart attack and died.
Of course he did.
So they had to move him to Ardmore, Oklahoma.
You're telling me a rancher didn't fucking eat meals that were heart-friendly?
Oh, no, no, no.
That rancher was, yeah, he was eating large steaks.
He ate red meat for every meal.
Every fucking meal.
So much lard, so much bacon.
What a life.
What a fucking dream of a life.
Everything he eats, he's like, there's no meat in there.
It's a baked potato.
Wouldn't that's going to kill me? It's a baked potato. Wouldn't that's going to kill me?
It's a baked potato.
There is bacon on it.
The bacon ain't enough.
Can you deep fry just hunks of beef?
Is that possible?
Deep fry and lay them across the potato, and I'm going to have to cut through them to get to it.
I think that would be good.
That baked potato should have been wrapped in bacon.
Bacon, the root word is bake, so it's baked.
Baked potato.
So on this team, not playing for that guy because this guy's been dead for 15 years.
He's there.
But he plays.
Byron plays 15 games total.
He starts.
They make him a starter.
He starts 14 games that year.
So that's not bad.
He gets a start on here.
10-4 record.
3.05 ERA. He's bringing it down. That's not bad. He gets a start on here. 10-4 record. 3.05 ERA.
He's bringing it down.
That's actually respectable.
That's a major league.
Yeah, that's a major league number.
Fucking respectable shit.
Four and a half is respectable.
Three is like...
That's a major league number where you're a big deal.
That's a fucking 20-game winner.
Three.
That's not bad at all.
He has 115 innings pitched.
Only 104 hits.
So he has less hits than innings pitched.
That's a good sign right there.
48 runs in that time uh 74 strikeouts and only 46 walks now we're now we're talking player that's
looking good he must have been practicing on the beach with sandy kofi like a bastard hitting that
nine-year-old in the chest that we talked about earlier uh he has 11 complete games oh they're
starting to wear him down let's keep track of this. Kind of like we keep track of head injuries on boxers where you're like, he went 12 rounds
and then fought a month later.
Yeah.
And then he did crazy shit three months after that.
Shocking.
Did erratic behavior.
I wonder why.
Right.
This is the same thing with this.
Yeah.
Watch how they just wear a pitcher's arm out in his innings.
He'll play in the majors and then he'll go to the Mexican league.
Yeah.
It's nuts.
He'll play in the majors, and then he'll go to the Mexican league.
It's nuts.
At this point, the California Angels, who are then California, now Anaheim,
were reportedly interested in buying his contract from them.
They basically, these independent teams, how they keep going,
they'll sign a good player who's a nobody, sign him, try to show how good he is, and then display them to other organizations who then buy the player
from them, and then they can keep operating.
Gotcha.
Because nobody can operate a team based on attendance at a minor league park.
No, no.
So that's what they do.
So they try to sell off their good players at the end of every year and start over again.
Like livestock.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So they were having one of their showcases for people.
And so the Angels were reportedly interested in Byron, but they never signed him.
Nothing ever came of it.
Where does a guy go?
After this kind of thing?
Where do you go now?
You've been signed by two different teams.
You're kind of fucked there.
Nobody wants you.
So you go to an independent league team and you pitch great, but nobody signs you anyway.
You have to feel like he must be a complete asshole if he pitched that well and nobody cares.
He's got to be a total dick.
But if there's an expansion team coming around the major leagues, expansion teams will take any old garbage.
Expansion team, basically what they do when they get a new team in the majors is they,
especially back then, now it's a little bit different, but they'd say, okay, other teams,
do us a favor.
Whatever you don't want, throw it in a big garbage can and just leave it out by the curb
and we'll just come through and pick it up.
Whatever you don't want, we'll come through and site pick trash.
It's like the bulk trash.
Yeah.
Like there's a Ziploc bag I think I can wash out.
That's usable. It's like bulk trash in a bad neighborhood and people just wander down the
street picking shit out of it that's what the that's what expansion teams did back then because
it's the seattle mariners are a brand new team okay 1977 and uh their their uh roster is terrible
it is nobody of any note ever really it's awful's awful. One guy's worse than the last.
I'm like, fuck, this is a terrible team.
The Colorado Rockies were like that when they came in, too.
Not quite. There was maybe one.
They had expansion drafts
back then where they had a couple of good...
You had a couple good players.
I'm telling you, their
expansion season, I remember being
so disappointed as a kid. They were terrible,
but they'll at least have a couple good players that you can say, all right, well, that's promising.
They had nobody.
Nothing.
Expansion was like, you're on your own back then.
Have fun.
Build shit.
Build something great from nothing.
Go down to Victoria, Texas and sign some picture from the Victoria Rosebuds, if you want, or the Cowboys, or whatever the fuck they are.
And that's just what they do.
Victoria Rosebuds, if you want, or the Cowboys, or whatever the fuck they are.
And that's just what they do.
On January 8th, 1977, Byron signs with the Seattle Mariners.
So there you go.
He's back in the good graces of a major league franchise, even though they're barely one because they're an expansion team.
And the Mariners were terrible their first few years, too.
A disaster.
It took forever until they got junior before they were anything.
And that was it.
That was like 12 years after they came about.
And that's how long it took to build a team back then.
It took that long to build a team back then.
It was terrible.
So he signs with Seattle.
April 1st, 1977, which is right in the beginning of the major league season, they send him down to the minors, but they don't have a full, complete minor league organization
yet, because that was the other thing back then.
Now they make you set everything up.
You have to have a brand new stadium ready.
You have to have all this shit in place.
Back then, they were like, what do you got, a field in the back of your barn?
That's fine.
They can play out there.
No worries.
Do you not have any minor league?
We'll figure it out.
Just fucking get a team together.
It's called a farm team.
Just build a fucking field outside a barn.
Sign whatever garbage you want, throw it out there, and then play the Yankees.
That was how it worked.
And then play the Yankees.
That's how it worked.
Play the Yankees a whole bunch.
All right?
Enjoy.
And then they walked away and left you there.
So they don't have a complete team, so they lend their young players to the Mexican League.
So they're using the Mexican League as a minor league franchise.
The Nuevo Laredo Mexican League franchise down there.
Oh, yeah.
You know it, baby.
That sounds dangerous as fuck.
It's the Tocoletes?
I don't know.
I don't know what that means.
Tocoletes?
Tocoletes?
I don't know what that is.
How do you spell it?
T-E-C-O-L-O-T-E-t-e-s yep yes exactly that's what i said like i don't
know what the don't look at me that's what i thought too i'm like i don't know what the
fuck that means they call them the techos okay that's them that's the techos i should have just
said that they're the techos or tacos whatever oh and Oh, Andrew Jackson's doing that. Yeah, perfect.
I like it.
Somebody calls them the tacos.
You know they do.
Probably everybody in Texas, I would imagine.
They have a real respect for the Mexican culture down there, let me tell you something.
The non-Mexican residents of Texas, very much, they're into it.
Very welcoming group. Oh, absolutely.
So he's down there.
He has a great time down there too he he
is terrific he's 18 and 13 okay with a 1.84 era all right sizzling 221 strikeouts and 224 innings
he matters 224 innings by the way he is doing beastly yeah but he's getting a strikeout every
inning which is great that's a strong power pitcher there 1.84 i mean it's the mexican league but still let's show and promise 224 innings man
that's 200 innings nowadays nowadays in the major leagues if you're a 200 inning guy you're a
workhorse they're like that guy's a beast that's almost 30 games it is that back then 224 innings
was normal back then but that's a lot of of work if we put it in just reality standpoint.
Back then it wasn't considered it, but whatever.
He's third in the Mexican League down there in ERA behind Horatio Pena and Ralph Garcia.
Yes.
No.
You looked like, do I know this?
Well, you don't know these players.
He's also tied for eighth.
The only Garcia I know in baseball is Garcia Parra.
Garcia Parra.
That's the only one
demaso garcia the old uh blue jays player kareem garcia i got nothing oh shit all right we'll get
off the garcia the only garcia is a hyphenated one god damn it that's great uh he's tied for
eighth and wins with uh alejo ahumada i think i pronounced that right but let's not spell it and
find out uh and he leads and he led the league in strikeouts completely by 22, too.
It wasn't even close.
Over Bobby Castillo.
And on top of all that, the Tecos win the league championship.
Wow.
And they call it Teco-mania.
It's down there.
The people went crazy.
And every Tuesday there was free tacos somewhere.
Yeah, it was Teco Tuesday.
You came in and you got free tecos for every discounted teco sale.
So the Mariners are up there, though.
They're having their first franchise in history here.
One of their owners is Danny Kaye, by the way.
Danny Kaye is a comedic actor from like the 50s.
He was like one of the most famous people in the world in the 50s.
Huge, huge big star back then.
Spanish guy? Italian guy? No, just a white guy.
Danny Kaye. He was a goofy actor.
It sounds familiar, but I'm fucking
spacing out. You probably know him if you saw him.
He was a big star back then.
So yeah, this was a big deal because
the Mariners, you'd wonder why
Seattle doesn't have a team yet. They're a pretty good city.
They had a team in 1969 called the
Seattle Pilots. I don't know if you know about that.
They had possibly the worst uniforms in the history of baseball.
They had their hats on the bill of the hat.
The top of the bill of the hat had like those admiral clusters or like whatever they're called.
Looks like scrambled eggs.
Looks like a pile of scrambled eggs.
It looks like oak clusters kind of thing.
They have policeman uniforms. The fancy dress ones will have it if they're like a major or scrambled eggs. It looks like oak clusters kind of thing. They have policeman uniforms.
The fancy dress ones will have it if they're a major or something on the wire when they're doing Comstat.
And Bunny Colvin's trying to explain to everybody why his crime rates are down and his corners are clean.
Fuck, God damn it.
I can't help it.
It happens every goddamn time.
I don't do it on purpose.
It's not the rope on their shoulder?
What are you talking about?
No, it's kind of like an oak cluster is what they call the
in the police department. It kind of looks like that.
What pilots have like on the...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They put it on the bill
of the hat. It looks ridiculous.
Just say that
you put like rosemary stems.
There you go, like that.
Yeah, it's like
it's on the bill of the hat. So they put that
shit on their hat? And it's a blue
hat with a yellow S.
Awful.
And, like, a stripe across it like it's, like, a captain's hat type of thing.
And then the scrambled egg looking shit because it's bright yellow.
So it just looks like two piles of scrambled eggs are sitting on the brim of your hat.
It's the worst fucking uniform ever.
So terrible.
So terrible.
But the team is actually super interesting.
They only lasted one year.
One year. Imagine a major league franchise. Seattle, stop with the team is actually super interesting. They only lasted one year. Yeah.
One year.
Imagine a major league franchise.
Seattle, stop with the Boeing references, by the way.
That's what it is, right?
The pilots?
That's why they call them pilots, because the Boeing is there, right?
Maybe.
Probably.
Yeah.
Stop it, you fuckers.
Stop embracing aeronautical shit.
This was, yeah, I don't know if, yeah, that's pretty much what it was.
But imagine a major league team opening up right now, expansion team, and then folding
in a season.
One season.
They go, never mind.
And by the way, you're naming your baseball team after another profession.
Like, what is that?
Well, Mariners is the new one.
That's true.
I guess you got a point.
It happens there.
But the Cleveland Indians, you know what I mean?
That's not a fucking job.
Exactly.
You don't have the Cincinnati Chefs. You know what I mean? Fucking just not a fucking job. Exactly. You don't have the Cincinnati Chefs.
Fucking just name a baseball team.
Those are old teams, too, though.
Yeah, that's true.
They're old teams.
That's so stupid.
They're usually regional references or some more shit like that.
But you're baseball players.
You're not pilots.
You're fucking baseball players.
They were the worst goddamn team ever.
They played.
They folded after a year.
They played in a terrible terrible dilapidated minor
league stadium that was just awful. They had
terrible players because they just got thrown
together. There's a book called Ball Four
It's written by a player named Jim
Boughton and Jim Boughton was
one of the, he was the guy, he's the first
baseball player, probably the first athlete to
write a tell-all book about what goes
on and he wrote all about taking greenies
you know like amphetamines before games and he wrote about what they talk about behind the scenes
and how this guy's an asshole.
Like, it's the first book like that where it's just behind the scenes in the clubhouse
of baseball, no holds barred.
It's fucking great, and he was on this team, so a big portion of that book is like that
season, and it's such a funny disaster.
But anyway, they ended up becoming the Brewers after that season.
So your Brewers, if you're a Brewer fan, they were the terrible Seattle pilots.
Really?
Reconstituted over to Milwaukee.
How about that?
Absolutely.
So what ends up happening here, they're a terrible expansion team,
which is how you can go from single A in the Mexican League
all the way to the majors in one season.
You can do that if you have a terrible, terrible expansion team called the Mariners here.
On September 11, 1977, he is sent to the Mariners.
Makes his Major League Baseball debut on September 18 against the Royals.
He pitches one and a third innings.
Not terrific.
Gives up five hits and four earned runs.
Struck out one batter.
Not terrific.
That is his only appearance of the season.
Really?
So, yeah, he goes to the clubhouse, and for the season, he leaves with a 27 ERA.
So if you're looking, you're like, damn, on my baseball card for 1977, it's going to say 27 under the ERA.
They're going to have to look into it further to see it's only an inning and a third, but 27 is high.
Let's just say it's a bit high.
It's a bad stat.
It's a terrible stat.
They ended the season, the Mariners, somehow not in last place.
The A's were in last place.
Really?
They finished sixth in the American League West.
And the A's are about to turn it around, too.
Yeah.
At that point in time, they were about to.
They got done, and then they were going to come back again in the mid-'80s.
But they were in a low point.
The early-'70s, they were great with Reggie Jackson and those guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Raleigh Fingers.
Right.
And then they rebuilt later on when Tony La Russa came and all those guys.
Yeah.
So anyway, we're over here.
They're in sixth place.
Their record is 64-98.
They are 38 games out of first place.
That's horrific.
That's not good.
That is fucking terrible. They almost lose
100 games. 1978
season comes along. He gets
his first major league start on April
25th. Not too
bad at all. Gives up three
runs and strikes out 10
batters in six innings, which is great.
That's a four and a half ERA, 10
strikeouts. Not too bad.
Comes away with a loss. It's his first decision, but that's okay.
You look at that and you go, that guy looks like a major leaguer.
He went out there.
He didn't embarrass himself.
He didn't walk eight guys.
He didn't give up 12 runs.
Good job.
He is sent down to the minors in late June.
It's his second year.
He's going to be bouncing back and forth because he's a pitcher, too.
He's a starter.
He's a spot reliever.
He's a spot starter.
He's a reliever.
Pitchers he's fluid.
Yeah, right.
As long as they're usable in certain situations, it's fine.
And then you need another guy.
Sometimes a position player will get hurt.
You need this guy.
You need an extra catcher for something, and you've got to dump a guy.
That's what ends up happening.
He's sent down to AAA San Jose, the San Jose Missions.
There you go.
How's that for a name?
It's terrible, too. It's worse than the pilots, I think, by far. That's a nice fucking area? It's terrible. It's worse than the Pilots, I think, by far.
That's a nice fucking area to live, though.
That's a nice area.
God damn it, it's amazing.
And for him, more California, so fuck it.
That's not that bad here.
He starts eight games for them, pitches in eight games, starts all eight of them.
He's 5-2 down there with a.350 ERA, 3.5 ERA.
Not bad.
54 innings pitched, only 45 hits, 23 runs, 52 strikeouts in 54
innings on only 32 walks.
Terrific.
And he throws two complete games.
There you go.
That's a guy that you go, let's look at him for the 1979 season or later on in this season.
And they do in July when a guy named John Montague, who's another pitcher, ends up on
the disabled list.
Byron is called back up to the majors.
Great. So here he is. He's back July 30, ends up on the disabled list. Byron is called back up to the majors. Great.
So here he is.
He's back July 3rd.
He throws a complete game down there.
Terrific.
That's looking good for this guy, right?
Things are on the upswing.
We're almost at grace.
Not quite, though.
So he throws his complete game.
They've got to be looking on going, right, he's got stamina.
He's got a good arm.
He's getting strikeouts.
August 16th, 1978, he gets his first major league win.
It's against the Orioles, which is sweet revenge.
You bet.
Because he's pissed off at the Orioles.
We'll find out later.
He was angry at the Orioles for releasing him.
Really?
He was like, fuck that.
He said he didn't get a chance down there, he said.
Which I didn't think he got a chance either, but he's kind of a dick.
Yeah.
Like we said, that's probably the reason why.
Also, it's a major league team that has to generate good players,
and they want to be contenders, and they're trying to get the best that they have down there.
And if you're not the best guy they have down there, you're going to go away.
They just gave up on him.
He wasn't worth the effort if he's going to be a dick, too.
That's got to be the part of it, you know what I mean?
Attitude is everything.
It is. So on September 17th, 1978, he throws a three-hit, 10-strikeout game against the White Sox, which
now we're talking.
That's dominant, Sare.
We have an In Their Own Words about this.
We have a short In Their Own, not a lot of In Their Own Words.
There's only like three of them today.
This guy, we'll find out why.
He doesn't exactly give interviews, we'll say, and he's not dead.
He's just in the fucking
wind oh really we'll get into it don't worry uh don't you worry in their own words quote
i'm not a polished pitcher pitcher i have a lot to learn but at least i realize that
that's his quote so he's trying to be humble he's trying to be good uh his pitching coach here west
stock is his name that sounds like a sports coach. That's his fucking – Coach Stock. That's a guiding man.
He knows a lot about sports.
He wears those little bike shorts and fucking yells at people and has a whistle.
Very much a whistle at all times.
Very tight shirt.
He takes a shower with a whistle on, I feel like.
It's that kind of guy here.
He said, quote, he's blessed with a great changeup.
He's like all young players who climb the ladder then fall back, but each time he gets a little higher.
So, yeah, you take it. That's gets a little higher. So yeah, you take it
which is, that's any sport or anything
in comedy you see it, people improve a little
they take a step back and that's what it is
here. His stats that year
That's just life. Yeah, that's life, exactly.
It's very much like that with ballplayers, especially
pitchers when you're learning it
even more. In his rookie season
here, he is fifth among
starters in strikeout percentage. So that's good. That's not bad at all. In his rookie season here, he is fifth among starters in strikeout percentage.
So that's good. That's not bad at all.
In 20 games, he starts
17 games. He's 4-8
with a 4.37
ERA. 107
innings pitched, 97 hits, promising.
58 runs, 87 strikeouts,
39 walks only,
and four complete games.
You can throw that guy in the rotation.
That's a usable man.
There's your number four starter.
Absolutely.
Enjoy.
Stick him on there.
He's good.
Team, though, horrific.
Horrific.
You don't look at his record as any indicator of the barometer of what happened.
The team is 56-104.
Woza.
You know how much that tells you they suck?
Add those two numbers up, Jimmy.
162.
No.
56 and 104.
56, 104, 160.
160.
How many games are in an MLB season, Jimmy?
182.
162.
162.
So that means they had a couple of rain outs that their team was so shitty that it didn't
even matter and they just didn't even make them up.
They literally didn't even give a shit.
They were like, you're good.
Are you sure there's 162 then?
I am.
Back then?
Yeah, yeah. They went from 156're good. Are you sure there's 162 then? I am. Back then? Yeah, yeah.
They went from 156 to 152.
Or 162 in 1961.
So they were just like, it's not going to change the outcome of the season.
It doesn't matter.
And that's what they do.
If there's a rain out that's not like neither team's in contention or can help.
But this was like, you're so far.
I love how fucking hard that math was for me.
Yeah, that was a six and a four there, too.
That's a smooth one. I thought you'd get it good because those are an equal ten. I was like, all right, that was a 6 and a 4 there, too. That's a smooth one.
I thought you'd get it good because those are equal 10.
I was like, alright, he's going to get this.
He can add 6 and 4 and 5 and 1.
In my head, I'm going,
what is he looking for?
What's he looking for?
I'm looking for the answer to 56 plus 104.
That's what I'm looking for.
What's he looking for?
There's a fucking
alternate Is there strategy in this question? That's what I'm looking for. What's he looking for? There's a fucking alternate fucking ulterior motive here.
Is there strategy in this question?
What is this?
Holy shit, man.
So they're terrible.
They're as terrible at baseball as I am at math.
Yes, they're awful at baseball.
You're much better at math than they are at baseball, probably.
You get it right more than one out of three times, I would say.
So that's good.
They aren't. They're more than one out of three times i'd say so they aren't they're
only winning one out of three do you know how think about how hard it how fucking just demoralizing
it must be to lose a hundred fucking games 104 games over six months it has to feel terrible
especially when it's hot out yeah you're going and sitting in kansas city in the summertime it's all
human kicked by the fucking Royals.
And you're like, we're losing again.
This is terrible.
And back then, too, he made $19,000 for the 77 season and $21,000 for the next two seasons after that.
So he's not even rich.
Well, he's rich, but not for baseball.
50-something wins and then 100 losses.
But those losses are probably not like 2-1.
You're talking about
like 13 like 11 to 2 like it's got to be bad fucking losses i mean he could plus he could go
out and throw a gem he can go out and go seven innings and give up two runs and his team won't
score anything and then they're terrible and then if you lose to nothing and you're right there
right and then his closer comes in and allows a couple more exactly yeah for nothing that's that
yeah we have a nice. That was fun.
And there's a lot of starts like that.
He actually has a quote later about that where he's kind of pissy about it.
He's like, no thanks to this.
He's the only guy that worked today, essentially.
Pretty much.
Or at least did anything good.
Late 78, after this decent season, because that's technically his rookie season, 77,
he didn't play enough games to be considered not a rookie.
He goes and plays in the Mexican Winter League after that.
Jesus.
So he just pitched 107 innings and before that pitched in the minors.
And now he's going to go pitch more in the Mexican League.
He got his ass kicked for eight months out of the year and he's going to go down to Mexico
and pitch some more for four more months.
Pitch some more down there.
He likes Mexico, too, though.
He likes hanging out down there.
We'll find out why in a second.
But yeah, the Mexican Winter Leagues are funny.
I knew a guy who played in the Dominican League, in the Dominican Winter League, and just like
a lot of the guys, a lot of the guys used to do it.
And it was my friend Rod Beck.
He used to pitch for the Giants and Cubs and Red Sox and Padres.
And he thought it was great because the people down there, like they didn't really, they
didn't speak English.
And so they couldn't say Rod Beck.
So for some reason they called him Roast Beef.
So he said you would hear the announcer,
I said, Roast the Beef, and they'd be like, hey.
And he'd be like, am I Roast Beef?
And you have to ask one of the Spanish guys, am I Roast Beef, dude?
And he's like, yeah, you're Roast Beef.
He's like, all right, fuck it, I guess I'm roast beef now. Did they just announce the special for this ending?
Or are they talking about me?
Literally, roast the beef.
And you're like, what?
Is that me?
He's in the first time.
He literally looked and went, is that me?
Am I roast beef?
Am I the wrong guy?
But America's racist.
Yeah.
That's terrible.
His name was Rod Beck.
They called him roast beef.
They just thought that wasast Beef. We don't
do that shit. No, but they thought they were
being complimentary of him. They thought that was his name.
Roast Beef. Yeah, but we still make an attempt
to pronounce
Hakeem Olajuwon's fucking name. Yes, we'll just do it
terribly. So that's the kind of fun
a player can have down there.
That's funny. He has a great
time down there pitching. 7-1
in 37 innings. 57 strikeouts in 37 innings. That is smoking people. He has a great, great time down there pitching. 7-1 in 37 innings.
57 strikeouts in 37 innings.
That is smoking people.
He only allows one run in 37 innings.
Mexicans couldn't hit his balls.
Is that what you're telling me?
They could not.
Mexicans could not hit his balls.
His pitches were too fast for those little guys.
He had a three-hit 17-strikeout game.
He also had a no-hitter with 18 strikeouts.
That's some crazy Nolan Ryan shit.
That's insane. He re-signs with Seattle for the 79 season here, and he's a complete moron,
by the way. Here he goes, because he has to miss a start in mid-April, his first start of the
season for the Mariners. He's coming up as a member of the team from the beginning this year.
He's going to be on the team. He's apparently dicking around in his hotel room, practicing his pitching motion in front of the mirror.
Oh, no.
Look at seeing what his motion is like.
He apparently didn't measure it out right and smashed his hand into the mirror, cutting and bruising it and fucking up and making him miss several weeks of baseball like an idiot.
He's like an eight-year-old with a Wii and throws the remote into the TV.
That's exactly what he did. Oh, shit. I'm supposed to start tomorrow ridiculous what a dick uh completely ridiculous uh yeah there
was a game in may of 79 there he messed up uh the the catcher signaled the curve and uh he arrived
i'm sorry mclaughlin thought that the catcher wanted a curveball and so he threw him a curveball
and the catcher wanted a fastball so it ended he threw him a curveball, and the catcher wanted a fastball. So it ended up being a pass ball, and they lost the game because he screwed up the signal.
Some wild pitch.
Yeah, it was a wild pitch.
Or a pass ball.
It was on the catcher because it bounced off him, but whatever.
June 6th, he gets his first Major League save.
So they're trying to figure out what to do with him.
July 9th, they announce he'll be permanently moved to the bullpen.
Manager Daryl Johnson said, quote,
Byron wasn't locating his fastball the way he has been,
but now he's going back to the bullpen where we want him and where he belongs.
That sounds really like he's angry at him.
We're putting him out there where he belongs.
That's where he needs to be.
God damn it.
Out to pasture.
August 12th, he misses a game to get married in Mexico.
He takes off.
He marries a woman he met while he was playing in Mexico.
Plenty of Mexico. There's a lot of Mexico in this story, by the way. He gets permission from He marries a woman he met while he was playing in Mexico. Plenty of Mexico.
There's a lot of Mexico in this story, by the way.
He gets permission from his team to go, though, because he pitched six innings the day before.
Gotcha.
So he wasn't going to pitch anyway.
Day off anyway.
So they're like, go ahead, knock yourself out.
There is a reader comment on an article about him.
Yeah.
It's someone who was at his wedding, apparently.
Oh, shit.
Which is crazy here.
The quote is, quote, I remember attending his wedding to a pretty Mexican girl at Hermosillo,
Sonora, Mexico, during the summer of 79 or 80.
She came from a nice upper class family whose name I withhold out of respect for them.
The wedding reception took place in a Japanese restaurant called Jardine's Miyako Gardens.
It was a wonderful wedding celebration.
I don't know how long they stayed together.
Before their divorce, I heard he was a lousy husband.
End quote.
Out of respect for her, I don't want to remind her or her family
that she was married to this dickhead.
Shit guy.
Total dildo, this fucking guy.
Horrible, horrible monster.
Terrible guy.
While he's in Mexico, he somehow from Mexico fucks over the team trainer.
Okay, let's find out how he does this.
This is amazing.
He's gone.
He's in Mexico getting married, drinking, doing whatever.
Team trainer Gary Nicholson here for the Mariners.
He is at LAX, LA Airport there in Los Angeles.
He is taken into custody by federal agents when he put his bag on the metal detector
and a.357 Magnum was found inside.
Holy shit.
The bag was left in the team's Costa Mesa hotel room by Byron.
Of course.
It's his bag.
Yeah.
He intended it to go with the team luggage, which all just goes in the cargo back then,
and they didn't give a shit.
They just threw it in.
You could have a fucking bomb in there.
They didn't care.
As long as it's checked, whatever.
Hence all the skyjackings in the 70s.
It didn't matter. You say, I got a bomb on board, and they go, he probably has a bomb on board. We don't check. It's definitely not there. They didn't care. As long as it's checked, whatever. Hence all the skyjackings in the 70s. It didn't matter. You say, I got a bomb
on board, and they go, he probably has a bomb on board. We don't check.
We check nothing, so it's in there.
It's completely in there. Absolutely.
Let's just land it. We're going to Cuba.
Fuck it. Whatever he wants.
He does this,
so he intends it to go with the team luggage,
and it didn't end up going
with the team luggage. It got separated
from the team bags. This is carry-on now. No, it's team luggage. It got separated from the team bags.
This is carry on now.
Now it's carry.
It's got separated from the team bags
and the trainer Nicholson's decided,
I'll just carry it on, I guess,
because it got separated.
It's not going to go in the luggage.
Byron, for this whole incident,
he said, what the fuck are you talking,
looking at me for?
He said, I intended it to go with the luggage.
He said, quote, don't blame me.
I tipped the bellman good.
That's what he said.
It's fine that I got my team trainer arrested by federal agents at a fucking airport.
And he also missed the flight and the game that night and everything else.
This guy, this poor bastard.
So Byron had brought the gun from Seattle to California where he said he intended to bring it for a friend.
He said he got it up in Seattle for a friend and was bringing it to give it to him.
They don't have guns in California? Exactly. They're all
over the place. He said he couldn't get a hold of that friend.
So once he couldn't get a hold of him, he was like,
I just better check it in my team baggage
and send it on the flight. That sort of thing.
Later on, he would admit that he carried
a.357 around most of the time. Everywhere.
All the time. He's a lying sack of shit
in this. This is what he said in an
article in the press here.
So, yeah, Nicholson ended up being released from custody after the agents were satisfied that he didn't know it was in the bag.
Right.
He's like, I swear to God, it's this guy's fucking bag.
I'm not shooting anybody on this plane.
It's not even my fucking gun.
It's all of McLaughlin's shit.
And he's like, I'm the team trainer.
Right.
I have no idea.
They're like, Seattle who?
It's a new team.
We suck.
Don't worry about it.
I swear we exist.
I swear we exist. I swear we exist.
Promise you.
We're getting a minor league system.
We're putting it together here.
So he tipped the bellman good.
After that, the Seattle has a big tip.
He tipped the bellman good, but he fucked the trainer even better.
That's what he did.
Think about the bellman.
He got a good tip, and he didn't have to get arrested by federal authorities.
He made out like a bandit.
This trainer got fucked.
He tipped the bellman, but he shafted the trainer.
That's what he did.
Boom.
You got it.
Seattle has it.
Put that on a shirt.
Put that on a shirt.
Tip the bellman, stiff the trainer.
So Seattle has a team meeting discussing luggage protocol after that.
Literally, they have a huge meeting.
Guys.
We now have a system for how you put your fucking clothes on a plane.
Yeah. No unmanned firearms just left places, please.
Can we have that at least?
Is that possible?
We don't even have a triple A fucking farm team yet, you guys.
Just figure out where to put your goddamn guns.
Jesus Christ.
So 1979 here.
That's all.
What a mess.
He got married.
There's guns.
He started to be a half-decent pitcher.
In Seattle this year, he pitches 47 games, seven started.
He goes 7-7, 4.22 ERA, respectable.
123.2 innings pitched, 114 hits, very respectable.
74 strikeouts, 60 walks, 14 saves, which is a career high for saves,
and one complete game.
Working every three days, too. He is. Well, he's
got 14 saves, he's got seven starts.
He's the guy
who's filling in where they need him. There's a pitcher
injured, you're a starter today. Two days
from now, you're going to go in and throw two innings of relief,
and that's just what he does here.
If he was a lefty, he'd have played for 30 years
doing this, but he's a righty, so
once the fastball's gone, you're out, pal.
You're out. The team, terrible again, goes 67-95.
Fuck.
At least they didn't lose 100 games, I guess.
That's something to look, a bright spot, I suppose.
They're six games improving.
It's not bad.
They do host the All-Star game that year, Seattle.
Oh, is that right?
Seattle does, the Kingdome.
A bunch of people went up there to get soaking wet and sit inside a fucking carpeted dome.
Yay.
Fucking soggy carpet
everywhere this is great oh that was awful it smells like mildew it was indoors but it would
still be mildewy of course it's not sealed water's coming through that shit oh you fucking know it
1980 season uh in june the cleveland indians are trying to trade for byron oh they want byron and
his teammate here larry milbourne in exchange for a guy named Bo Diaz.
It goes down to the wire, and it never ends up falling apart
at the end of the trade deadline there.
He should be thankful.
I'd rather be in soggy Seattle.
Shit, yeah, Seattle's awesome.
Seattle's a great city.
Fuck Cleveland, as we've said many times.
Fuck that.
Sorry, Cleveland.
If you live in Cleveland, you don't like it either.
You know it, so sorry.
We apologize.
Maybe we'll come to Cleveland someday,
and you can show us how it's not terrible, and we'll go, no, it actually is terrible. Or we'll go to Cincy, and you guys't like it either. You know it. So sorry. We apologize. Maybe we'll come to Cleveland someday and you can show us how it's not terrible
and we'll go, no, it actually is terrible. Or we'll go to Cincy
and you guys can come up there. Yeah, we'll just go over there. Here, it's nicer.
That's fine. September 30th,
1980. This has nothing to do with him
or with Byron, but it's hilarious.
His teammate, Rick Honeycutt,
who ended up playing for the Cardinals later on.
He pitched for a long time, Rick Honeycutt.
He's a Mariner at this point. He had
taped a thumbtack to his finger to scuff the ball, to make cuts and whatever.
And it ends up Willie Wilson.
Do you remember Willie Wilson, the old royal?
I loved his name anyway.
Willie Wilson's an old royal center fielder, I believe, from the 80s.
And he's on second base and saw the tack gleaming in the light.
He caught a fucking glimpse of the reflection on it.
He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Looks like. He caught a fucking glimpse of the reflection on it. Catches that sparkle.
Hey, hey, hey.
Looks like he's got a fucking diamond on his thumb.
What is that?
What the fuck is going on?
Well, he's apparently not experienced in doing this honeycut
because the umpires go and investigate.
They find the tack.
Not only that, though,
honeycut had a huge gash on his forehead.
From wiping the sweat?
Where he went and wiped the sweat
and sliced himself with a fucking honeycut.
Because he's not very good at this.
So they're like, oh, you're an idiot, too.
And a cheater.
All right, great.
Perfect.
You're stupid and bleeding.
What the fuck?
Sir, you're stupid and bleeding.
He's ejected from the game and suspended 10 games and fine for the dumbest thing ever.
And then gets stitches.
Fuck.
What an idiot.
And then he has to go get stitched up.
Byron that year, he pitches in 45 games.
He starts four of them, goes three and six, 6.85 ERA.
A little rough there.
90.2 innings pitched, 124 hits, 74 runs, 41 strikeouts, 50 walks.
God, there's so much.
Walks higher than strikeouts.
So much baseball.
It's a lot of baseball.
Two saves that year.
The team is 59-103 and in last place.
They are fucking terrible again.
December 12, 1980, he's traded to the Minnesota Twins in exchange for Willie Norwood.
Yeah, that's Willie Norwood, by the way.
At that point, it was a third-year Twins player that would never, ever play in the majors again after he's traded here.
He's gone.
McLaughlin shows up to Twins spring training, plays in spring training in the 81 season.
But on March 31st, right before the season starts, Minnesota releases him.
Uh-oh.
He is gone.
And he ends up in the 81 and 82 seasons, ends up going and playing in Mexico again.
Okay.
He ends up moving his residence to Hermosillo.
Of course.
For two years in Mexico.
He's going to live down there.
He's got a wife with an upper-class family.
Making beige babies.
Making beige babies and being a dick that nobody likes.
81 plays for Nuevo Laredo.
82 starts out in Mexico, and he plays until August
when he's signed by the California Angels out of Mexico
because he pitches well in Mexico.
He's comfortable and happy down there.
And they can't hit him down there.
No, no.
It's a different league completely.
They send him to AAA Spokane, which is the Spokane Indians.
The Spokane Indians are a minor league affiliate of the California Angels
because they were the Indians, I'm sure, 20 years ago when they were five teams ago.
Anyway, he pitches in six games for the uh for the triple a spokane indians uh
one started he has a 1.26 era uh and 10 uh 10 hits nine raw six runs nine strikeouts five walks so
he's only down there for six games whatever 83 season he is at spring training with the angels
and he's assigned to their minor league camp by the end of spring training in casa grand arizona
that poor bastard.
Brutal.
Jesus Christ.
I'm surprised he didn't blow his fucking brains out.
That place is so bad.
It's bad.
I was actually there last night.
Really?
Sarah's niece and nephew had a t-ball game, and it was in Casa Grande.
And it's really shitty and far.
People make fun of that place.
I'm sure.
Cute kids.
Fun little game.
But fuck, it was far, man.
I was like, no, let's have them play somewhere in civilization.
It's almost Indian Reservation.
It's so bad.
It might as well be New Mexico.
It's terrible.
Not good.
So, yeah, he goes to there.
Then he's sent to the AA Beaumont Golden Gators of the Texas League.
There he pitches in 12 games, has a 666 ERA, 4-2, 50 innings pitch, 71 hits, which is not terrific.
He's getting rocked down there.
Only 30 strikeouts in 50 innings.
Then he's moved up.
Let's move him on up.
He's pitching horribly.
Let's get him up.
They move him up to AAA Edmonton.
They're the Edmonton Trappers of the Pacific Coast League.
Where the hell is that?
Edmonton.
Edmonton fucking Canada?
Yeah.
What?
It's the Pacific Coast League.
Oh, Jesus.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, they're the trappers and everything.
Jesus, you can't get any more Canadian than that.
That's super fucking Canadian.
Their hats have big fur things around them, I think, up there.
Hanging down for the ears?
Yeah, that's what they have.
That's their baseball hats with those on them.
Fucking red and black plaid hats.
Yes, thank you.
You knew exactly what I was talking about.
They're dressed like Elmer Fudd.
Thank you for getting that.
Fur around their hats wasn't the best way to describe that at all.
He has a 5.83 ERA down there and 46.1 innings pitch, 51 hits, 42 strikeouts, 15 walks.
Not too great.
But he's still, despite being terrible in the minors, he's still called up to the Angels, which is good for him.
They like him.
Yes.
Is that like the state of affairs in California at this point,
that they're so bad that they'll take a mediocre-ass guy?
Well, he's a reliever, though.
Relievers go up and down.
It doesn't matter.
They weren't bad.
They had Rod Carew at that point and guys like that, the Angels.
They were decent.
Rod Carew actually was pushing for hitting.400 about half of that season.
Really?
Yeah, it was there.
Then I think the 80 season he did that, too.
Yeah, he was nasty.
He ended up hitting like.350, but for like half the season he was hitting over 400.
Anyway, we have an In Their Own Words
about how he feels to be back in the majors here.
In Their Own Words, quote,
I'd have to say that if Bruce Kyson and Zahn had not been hurt,
I'd still be in AAA.
I feel fortunate that the Angels gave me the opportunity
to get back into the big leagues.
I was labeled as someone with an attitude problem,
a troublemaker, but that's in the past.
Now I'm with a great team and have an opportunity to pitch.
I have no bitterness.
I've had a tough luck career.
I know I can pitch here.
It seemed I was always with tough clubs.
Statistics are not always indicative as to what's going on.
I'm not saying I'm great.
I just haven't had the chance.
All right.
I'm good now.
Thank you.
I am good now.
Can we say it too?
Grace.
Really?
This is going to be Grace right here.
It's not a very good Grace.
No.
But he's back.
He's back.
He's got a chance.
His elbow, too, had been bothering him for the last couple years, too, because of all that pitching.
He has an inning of relief when he comes back, and then they give him his first start,
and he ends up throwing eight innings of one-run ball here in his first start, which is great.
Yeah, terrific.
Eight innings, one run.
That's awesome.
July 2nd, 83, pitches a great game against the Royals.
And he says, this is when he starts making shitty comments.
Oh, boy.
He's like, yeah, I just went to the clubhouse to watch and rest.
And he said that he was just insinuating that his last two starts were blown by the bullpen and his team not scoring runs.
So he was like, you know, I just hope it didn't go like the last couple times.
Don't blame it on me.
Like I said, don't blame me.
I tipped the bellman good.
I tipped the fucking bellman good.
What are we talking about here?
Unreal, man.
July 25th of that year, he's placed on the 21-day disabled list with an elbow strain.
Again, the elbow problem here.
Tommy John shit.
He's got problems with his elbow. The team is super out of the
race. They suck that year after they
had a couple good players, but they're out of the
race, out of the playoff race.
So they send him to AA to rehab.
This pissed him off. Really?
Yeah, it's not happy
at all. He goes right to the Los Angeles
Times and says
in their own words, quote,
they hurt my arm. They abused me
and this is what I get for busting my butt.
I asked for my release so they
can play someone else, but they won't do it, so I'm
going to quit. They pitched me 22 innings in
eight days and an arm can only take so much.
I never said no, but I still blame
them. I was hurt because of the way
they used me. He's pissed off. By the way,
the paper notes that he pitched 21 innings in 10 days, not 22 in eight days.
So different.
He went on to say.
That's pretty great, though.
That's funny shit.
They throw that there at the end of the editorial.
He went on to say, we'll do this without the music because it's long.
But he went on to say, it's so typical of the Angels.
I mean, Mr. Autry, Gene Autry owned the Angels.
You know who that is, right?
Mr. Autry spends all that money trying to get a good club, and then the Angels'
executive vice president, Buzzy
Bavese, makes all the decisions
based on whether he likes you.
He wouldn't even give me the courtesy of talking
to me about it. He sent his messenger boy,
Chief Administrative Officer Mike
Port, out to tell me I was lucky to get the chance
and I should be grateful.
This is how they deal with bad boys.
I don't have a multi-year contract, so Buzzy treats me like bleeping meat.
But that's just the way Buzzy operates.
If he doesn't like you, he'll grind you into the dirt.
Wow.
So he is fucking doesn't care.
That's some anger.
That is bridge blazing behind him.
He's talking to everybody that's up in the front office and letting them all have it.
Even up to Gene Autry.
Yeah, he talks shit about Gene Autry.
That's amazing.
Nobody says anything bad about that guy.
He soaked that shit in gasoline and just flicked the lip zippo as he walked away.
Just tossed it back there and fucking poof.
And he drank kerosene and pissed on it.
That's exactly what happened here.
He was not grateful at all, obviously.
He also doesn't quit, though.
He's got to stay there.
He didn't quit. They end up bringing him back. Dude, the't quit, though. He's got to stay there. He didn't quit.
They end up bringing him back.
Dude, the rosters expand for September, and he's back up there.
I love it.
He pitched five games, long relief mainly, all in losses.
He gets one last start for them on September 28, 1983.
He gave up a single run and won his final game in the majors.
That's great.
And that's it.
That's his last game in the majors right there.
Walk-off win.
Walk-off win. With themoff win with them that year.
16 games, seven games started.
He had a 5.17 ERA.
So not going together here.
Do you think he knew when he jumped over that chalk line on third base
going back to the dugout?
Do you think he knew that it was over?
No.
No, not at all.
He didn't know.
He didn't know at all that it was over.
Had no idea.
Nope.
He thought he was going to be back next year.
And we win.
Here we go.
Let's go sign a new contract.
Let's do it.
His career stats total, 129 games.
So he pitched 129 games in the major leagues.
That's amazing.
That's a lot.
Started 35.
He was 16 and 25 with a 5-11 ERA.
378 innings pitched.
403 hits, 226 runs, 248 strikeouts, 171 walks, 5 complete games, and 16 saves.
All right.
So that's better than either one of us is ever going to do.
I've never pitched a single pitch.
That's your average mediocre.
I've never even thrown the fucking ceremonial pitch.
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Webinrider.com That's your average, mediocre, shitty
major league reliever guy
right there. So he's a complete
clubhouse cancer. Nobody likes him.
Nobody invites him even to spring training
in 84, which just tells you a lot.
Instead, he goes back to Mexico.
Goes with the Nuevo Laredo
and kind of goes waiting for waiting for another break here.
He plays with them for a while. And then on September 17th, 1984, he has some trouble.
Well, a little bit of trouble. He's arrested after Jesus Christ.
He tries to sell an undercover policewoman 11 ounces of cocaine.
That's a lot. 11 ounces. He's a lot. He didn't say, I have an eight ball.
No.
You want to go in the bathroom?
I got 11 grams.
No, he's got 11 ounces of coke.
We'll go in the bathroom.
We'll do a couple lines.
I'll sell you what's left.
You can take it.
No.
This is, you have 11 ounces of cocaine.
That's like trafficking, isn't it?
I would fucking say so.
That's a shit load.
That's a lot.
You couldn't carry that in your pockets.
No.
You need a bag for that.
That is so much. A big duffel bag
or gym bag.
Tries to sell it to her for $24,000.
That's what he's trying to do.
He's released on his own recognizance
because he agrees
wow, and right away too. There's no character
at all for this fucking guy.
Immediately agrees to work
with police and
try to set up an operation to identify and arrest his supplier.
Anything that stops his engine on him.
Whatever gets me out of this, that's fine.
Sure, you want him, that's fine.
They release him.
He's supposed to come back the next day to meet with them and start this whole program and bring this guy down.
He never shows up for shit.
He instead is gone.
He's straight back to Mexico.
Fucking gone. He's out. October 13th, 84,
there's articles in the AP now.
AP's got articles. Byron McLaughlin,
former angel pitcher,
failed to appear in an arrangement
on Friday. He had a
charge of conspiring to possess and
sell cocaine, and police believe
he fled to Mexico. Of course. So this is
this article. They issue a bench warrant for his arrest.
And his bail goes from $25,000 to $250,000 because he's gone.
He tried to sell a lot of cocaine.
That's a whole lot.
That's funny as shit.
And then just dip out of the country.
Just gone.
The charges are eventually dropped.
Really?
And he comes back to the States like nothing ever happened.
And the reason is his mother is very wealthy, very connected.
And he ends up telling another guy later on who we'll talk about.
She basically bribed and knows and cajoled a local politician into getting the charges dropped.
Got it.
And he ends up back in San Diego not not doing jack shit about it not being in trouble
doing whatever he wants like forrest gump's mom got him into school like that kind of i know i
think it was more like he's more she was more powerful than the guy oh i got you she's probably
a donor or she's connected to some people she didn't just show up in somebody's office and
no no she showed up and said what was the noise that she made? I don't know. I hate Forrest Gump.
Fucking hate Forrest Gump. Forrest fucking made the noise back to the teacher.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's right.
I hate that movie.
Forrest Gump and Rudy, my two least favorite movies.
Hilarious.
If they're on, I will fucking cringe and leave the room.
I love Forrest Gump.
Ugh, I can't stand it.
Oh, it all happened to that guy?
It's a great story.
Sure, you simpleton fuckhead.
It's not true.
None of it's true.
He wasn't there for any of it. It's great. And it's not even believable. No, it's not. It's so unrealistic. None of it's true. He wasn't there for any of it.
It's great.
And it's not even believable.
No, it's not.
It's so unrealistic.
They should have had two of those things happen to him.
Then I would have believed it.
Anything.
Pick it.
Vietnam and football.
It's running across the country and fucking Jenny.
One of the two.
You can't have it all.
You're not on the Dick Cavett show sitting next to John Lennon, you cocksucker.
You're not drinking Dr. Peppers at the White House.
Fuck you.
I hate that movie.
Moving on. Goddamn fucking Forrest Gump Fuck you. I hate that movie. Moving on.
God damn fucking Forrest Gump.
Okay.
I hate it so much.
It drives me nuts.
So he's in the 80s.
He continues to, you know, try to make money doing things that aren't work, basically,
is the best way to fucking put it.
He would kite checks all the time.
Okay.
He was a big check guy, credit card. Yeah. Scams and schemes he had going on. Yeah. He would kite checks all the time. Okay. He was a big check guy, credit card.
Yeah.
Scams and schemes he had going on.
Yeah, he would intentionally- He's running all of it.
Oh, he's doing whatever he can to not be a-
Homeless?
Acceptable member of society.
No, no.
I'm sure his mom will give him money.
She's getting him out of jams with politicians.
But he's got to do something scummy.
You know what I mean?
He would intentionally overdraw funds and then get his accounts closed before the overdraw
charges would roll in.
Oh, asshole.
So he'd do that.
But that'll catch up to you after a while.
It's kind of all on paper.
Now computer, but then paper.
The way he was, he was a very good talker.
He was charismatic and he was completely full of shit.
He would just go from one scam to another scam, talk to this guy, get this guy on board, money for this.
I don't know how he did it.
With a record and very spotty, no proof of anything.
He's in San Diego, and a guy encounters him or contacts him and hunts him down named David Cameron.
Okay.
Okay.
David Cameron is a baseball card collector.
Oh.
He's an autograph seeker.
Asshole.
This guy finds him.
This is crazy.
Now, there's a 1984 Byron McLaughlin card, even though he didn't play that year.
Oh.
They make them in the middle of the year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They come out before spring training.
So they expected him to play, so they put his face on a card.
There's an Angels Byron McLaughlin 84 Tops card.
And so this guy here, he's a guy who collects signed cards, and he has the entire 84 Tops set.
He needs Byron McLaughlin.
That's the only one he doesn't have.
That's the guy he needs.
And he can't find him.
No one can find him because he got arrested and then fled the fucking country.
You want to find somebody that can't be found?
You find somebody that needs that person's autograph.
That motherfucker will find him.
Yeah, let's find out exactly how here.
Wow.
Now, the FBI was after him at this point.
They couldn't find him, okay?
The FBI was after him.
The FBI can't find him.
This David Cameron would go to his arraignments and his court proceedings where Byron wasn't even there.
But what he would do is he would wear a three-piece suit, he said, and he would be mistaken by a clerk or somebody that works at the court.
And he got to find the copies.
He did this on purpose so he could copy all the files and the information on him.
So he did.
And so he used that information to track down his relatives and to track down his
ex-wife in Mexico. Holy shit. He contacted all of his relatives, all of his ex-wife, everything
left his contact information, then began looking around Mexico everywhere. Like, you know, anything
that had to do with baseball, maybe he was playing there, maybe he was doing that. He's doing all
this. And then he says he goes back to Los Angeles a couple months go by and he gets a phone call and he answers the phone and he said, he said, hello. And this guy at the
other end said, my name is Byron McLaughlin. Everywhere I turn, I see your name. Who the
fuck are you and what do you want? That's what he said. You're fucking hunting me. What do you want
from me? This guy said that he, he wanted, he told him that he needs an autograph. He says he wants
an autograph. And he also found out that tops the baseball card company him that he needs an autograph. He says he wants an autograph.
And he also found out that Topps, the baseball card company, because Byron didn't even know he had an 84 card,
has been trying to get a hold of him to give him $1,000, which is his pay for the cards.
So he didn't know that.
So Byron said, oh, all right, well, then let's do that.
Thanks, buddy.
So they meet the next morning at Pacific Palisades.
They take along his friend, and they meet at a coffee shop.
They both get their cards signed, which is interesting.
This guy, Cameron, gives Byron his check.
Tops has been trying to find him for years to mail him $1,000.
Byron then tells him about how the cocaine case, they bribed an attorney to pay off a guy to do this.
Incredible.
And he also said this guy won't give it who it is, but he said the guy became the mayor
of a major Northern California city.
Wow.
That's what he said.
So he ends up getting probation, but not having to see a probation officer.
Is it Kevin Johnson?
No, who knows?
Isn't the mayor of Sacramento?
Yes, he is mayor.
That's not a major anything.
I know it's the capital, but it's Reno by the sea.
Remember that?
Sacramento, Reno by the sea.
So, yeah, he gets no – he doesn't have to see a probation officer.
He's just on probation.
So what the fuck does that mean?
Just in case he ever gets documented on paper doing something wrong, they'll throw that shit at him, too.
That's all it is.
That's all it is.
Byron told this guy that he's the best detective that he ever encountered.
He said, the FBI can't find me.
You can.
It's guys that fucking need something out of somebody.
And he also asked him if he – Byron asked Cameron if he would help him out with some
shit.
Since you're so good at tracking, maybe you can work for me.
So this guy's like, all right.
Deal.
So yeah.
So for the next year, they were friends and he was doing shit with him.
Byron was telling him what he did.
I guess he was hiding out in the jungles of Mexico.
He would run his financial schemes down in Mexico also.
That's where he was for a couple of years when he was hiding.
Byron tells Cameron that he never even used cocaine or any other drugs.
It was just his way to try to make money.
He said he just was tired of the travel and he wanted to settle down, but he couldn't
because the FBI is always after him.
So that's tough.
That's difficult when the FBI is after you.
So what he does here, Byron sends this Cameron guy because Cameron's basically Byron's assistant
and he's running around doing shit for him.
One of these jobs is Byron doesn't like to travel, so he sends Cameron to South Korea.
Oh.
Okay.
He had an arrangement, Byron did, with some businessmen there to import shoes to Mexico and then sell them there.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
So this Cameron guy says that seems simple enough.
He says, quote, I went to Korea for him and met two men who spoke English.
Our meetings were straightforward and had only to do with shipping costs, transport times, et cetera.
Really, this all could have been done over the phone.
So for me, it was just a vacation trip to someplace I didn't know well.
He already had the Korean shipping people's names, and I only had to phone them after getting to Seoul.
Simple enough.
Easy job.
Just going to buy some shoes. How
fucking hard is that? Cameron said he went home, no big deal. Then he gets there and he said,
you know, it just seemed like he was very legit. Seemed like he was fine. Seemed like he wasn't
doing anything weird or untoward. Byron, he was like, seemed to be legit. And then there was
other times when he didn't exactly seem legit. He said one time, wow, one time for some reason,
Byron ends up with a butcher apparently owed Byron a bunch of money.
For what?
Or something.
Or he got in with this butcher somehow, and the butcher needed cash,
but he did have a freezer full of meat, okay?
So Byron takes the meat on consignment from him takes it to like poor neighborhoods yeah like
a meat truck yeah and starts selling meat to the poor people and bartering it for shit like tvs
and stereos what like he's literally going around in a truck trying to hoagie hey you want to not a
hoagie like a side of beef oh he's not even not even cooking it. No, it's butcher's meat. No, it doesn't have a food truck.
What do you think, he made up a food truck?
He was going around having a, oh, he's just culinary.
He's trading T-bones for a boombox.
Oh, wow.
How trendy.
Isn't that nice?
No, no, no.
He was like, hey, I got a slab of pork here.
I'll take your fucking hi-fi for that.
That's what he was telling people.
That's unbelievable.
Give me your fucking TV.
Break out your Zenith, pal. Let's unbelievable. Give me your fucking TV.
Break out your Zenith, pal. Let's go.
And this is the guy that used to play baseball.
Yeah.
Hey, you know, I played in the majors.
Whoa.
And he made enough to pay this guy back and make a profit.
I bought a rack of lamb the other day from a Major League Baseball player.
Really?
What'd you pay for it?
Two rollerblades.
Two rollerblades and a spare lamp I had in my front room.
It's a little wobbly, too.
What the fuck?
The guy got screwed, but that's fine.
I fucked him.
I raked him over the coals for this one.
Jesus Christ, man.
For a rack of lamb.
For a rack.
That's amazing.
He got fucking meat on, because how do you get into a butcher so much and he owes you so much money?
He owes you a freezer full of meat that you then go sling out of a truck to poor people for fucking electronics.
How desperate would you have to be for money to accept that as fucking payment?
How desperate would you have to be for meat to be like, well, there's a stranger just riding down the street with a truck.
This isn't the 40s.
This is fucking 1988, for Christ's sake.
Oh, my God.
It's super weird, man.
So Cameron and Byron end up parting ways in 1988.
Byron's getting into this shoe importing thing, and Cameron just has other shit to do that he's not real interested in.
I wouldn't be much interested in the shoe importing thing anyway.
It seems like a fucking scam.
Seems boring, too, right?
That, too.
That, too.
Well, let's find out what happened here.
But it just seems like you get arrested for shoes, and I don't want to go to jail for shoes.
Let's find out what happens here.
Let's introduce a guy named Harley Lewin.
Okay.
Let's talk about Lewin.
Lewin is a lawyer.
He started doing trademark protection in 1979.
Started out with bootleg t-shirts for music groups and shit like that.
He's trying to stop
he's one of these guys that's enforcing
if you have knockoff bootleg t-shirts.
Oh, okay, he's a good guy. Well, I don't know.
You can go fucking arrest a guy for selling a t-shirt.
I get it. I see both sides of that argument.
I see a guy's
got to make a living, but there's also a guy
that fucking created that shit that you got to
pay that guy a little bit.
Absolutely.
So this guy, he starts out with, I believe, bootleg Judas Priest T-shirts, the rock band.
I think that's the first people he started helping.
But he would notice that he thought it was just somebody was making a shirt and then selling it.
And then he started noticing, as he looked all around the country, that the shirts were all exactly the same.
Yet none of these people knew each other that were selling them.
How the fuck does that work?
They're not making them themselves.
There's a supplier that's supplying the counterfeiters.
So that's what he ends up trying to do.
And this is the 80s, too.
This is when all that brand shit started popping.
Before that, nobody gave a fuck.
Then all of a sudden, it's, you know, Jordache, and it's Nike, and it's all that shit, and all the guests and all that.
Whatever hot 80s shit there was. Cross colors and all that all that shit that was 90s but yeah cross colors it was
there you go that's like 89 i'll give you 89 on that one yeah fucking have 46 pleats on the front
of your pants that's a good look for you thanks those fucking boner hiders those are the weird
that's the weirdest design i've ever thought of or ever seen it was like four inches inches thick of fabric in the front because there was eight panels coming together because they were so pleated.
Why have that many pleats?
And pleats are dumb as fuck.
They're useless.
It just looks like somebody cut that wrong and now they just overlap it to sew it all together.
That's exactly what it looks like.
It's dumb.
Yeah, we'll work it out.
Just make it more weird and pleaty and thick.
Just iron those things tight. It's dumb. Yeah, we'll work it out. Just make it more weird and pleaty and thick. Just iron those things tight.
It'll be fine.
Yeah.
Eventually, he gets a client here.
At the time, it was a small shoe company from England here, Reebok.
You may have heard of them.
I was thinking British Knights.
No, no, no.
Reebok.
I don't think they're British, actually.
I don't think they are either.
I think they're in Jersey.
Yeah.
Reebok became a big deal in the 80s.
Women started wearing them for, like, workouts and shit.
And then they actually started making—
Tennis players.
Yeah, they started doing that sort of thing.
So they look into this whole deal.
They're looking into the counterfeit shoes, trying to figure out what's going on.
And this Lewin guy just decided to get into this because he was like he was working with rock bands before that
he said he was on the road with bob seger oh and he was like i gotta get out of this whole thing
it was just he heard night moves one too many times he's like i can't fucking take it anymore
if i hear hollywood nights one more time i'm gonna kill myself listen i should have fucking
put that shit on i like bob while we were on our way to la because i adore bob i love bob seger
every bob seger song.
He couldn't take it anymore.
I love him.
I love him, too.
But listen, Bob Seger is not Bob Seger anymore.
He doesn't sound like Bob Seger.
Is he alive still?
Yeah.
And he's still touring.
He's been smoking for like 60 years and he sounds like shit.
Jesus.
He sounds terrible.
That sounded great in the 70s with that gravel in there.
Someday you'll accompany me.
That's a great song.
There's a lot of great songs.
Let's not get into that, too.
All right.
Go on. This would be a six-hour episode if not get into that, too. All right, go on.
This would be a six-hour episode if we went down every rabbit hole that we want to go down.
It's very sad.
We really have to keep on task.
So this Lewin guy, he works with legislators to get legislation passed, federal legislation that can shut down these operations and that sort of thing.
He finds one thing in Mexico.
He's got a big target in Mexico, a guy named Byron DeTenise is his name.
That is Byron McLaughlin.
It's not Byron DeTenise.
He's got an alias.
He's got an alias down there.
Now, Reebok tells Harley, you know, we got it.
There's Arizona, Texas, Southern California.
They're all down there.
It's got to be coming from Mexico.
Harley says, quote, conventional wisdom was you don't go near Mexico.
It was dangerous.
It was drugs.
It was corruption.
I, of course, didn't know that.
So he said he went down there.
He nosed around a little bit and kind of figured out the operation a little bit more than that.
out the operation a little bit more than that.
He also figures out that half of the counterfeit shoes coming out of Mexico can be traced back to some guy living in San Diego named Byron McLaughlin.
Oh.
So he's like, let's find out about that here.
What he would do is he would ship these to Mexico from Korea.
Yeah.
And they would ship plain shoes that were knockoffs because Reebok used to have this
real, the Reebok classic.
It's just this white plane marshmallow looking shoe.
It's got like the dots, the holes in it, the breathable areas.
It's, yeah.
And it's got on the side, just a little Reebok label with a little British flag used to have
on it and all that sort of thing.
And the British flag on the tongue too, right?
And on the tongue, they would have it there.
So what they would do is they'd bring them in from Korea, slap a couple of flags on it,
on the tongue, and then ship them to the U.S.
And you got yourself a fucking Reebok, pal.
That's it.
And so they were all self.
This is like back home if you go to Fordham Road in the Bronx when I was a kid and you buy the knockoff shit down there.
It's all knockoffs, but this is what it is.
It's coming from here.
So he's making fucking money.
Oh, yeah.
He's making money.
He's buying them for $10, selling them for $20.
Really?
That's how it works.
So he makes $10 profit on every damn shoe.
For every pair of shoe.
He was making sometimes up to $800,000 a month.
Wow.
On shoes.
Wow.
Because he was selling that many shoes.
So he's making-
That's so many shoes.
It's a fuckload of shoes.
That's, yeah, that was $80,000.
Does he have like a fucking store that he's supplying or something?
That's so many shoes. All over everywhere. That's every shoe is fucking counterfeit. He would sell 80,000. Does he have like a fucking store that he's supplying or something? That's so many shoes.
All over everywhere.
That's every shoe is fucking counterfeit.
He would sell 80,000 pairs in a month.
My God.
So yeah, that's how many counterfeit shoes were coming into this country.
So if you were wearing Reeboks in the 80s, they might not have been real.
They might not have been real.
If you bought them at Foot Locker, they were probably real.
But if you bought them at a swap meet, they were fake.
They were fake as fuck.
So yeah, he was also making Converse, Vans, Adidas, everything.
Everything was fake.
So he's making a goddamn fortune.
Wow.
Yeah, he didn't have to.
And two, he's acting like people ask him, what do you do?
He's like, yeah, I import sneakers.
Wow.
He just doesn't tell you what he does after that.
He just says, I import sneakers.
I import shitty sneakers and I fucking pass them off as real ones.
I pass them off as mediocre sneakers.
They're Reeboks.
Let's be realistic here.
That's a good point, too.
If you're buying a fake shoe, who cares if it's a fake shoe when it's a Reebok?
Because it's going to destroy your foot anyway.
When I was a teenager, we used to buy fake fucking brand name shit all the time.
I've got fake NFL jerseys in my fucking closet, and I don't give a shit.
I will buy an NFL jersey from China on eBay so fucking fast.
$35?
Sold.
$35?
$12, sir.
$12.
It has to at least have this sewn on shit.
It's all stitched.
I'm going to show it to you.
You're going to lose your shit.
It's amazing.
This Byron's legit now.
He lives in a big home in Coronado in San Diego.
He's got luxury cars.
He's got a pool, a big home.
Fake shit, Bothers.
Fake shit.
Yeah, he would go down to Mexico every day, oversee the operation, come back at home,
the whole deal.
And also, he's the one getting the shit in and out of the country.
He's bribing customs officials.
He's got guys on his fucking law.
He's doing it himself?
Mexican law enforcement he's got on the take.
He's doing that.
He's just greasing the wheels everywhere.
He's doing all this shit.
But he's doing it himself.
That's not smart at all.
Well, no.
He's doing it himself, and then he's converting the money into traveler's checks.
Okay.
So he doesn't have the cash so he can actually.
This is his way of laundering money as he's doing that.
And he would take them back to Coronado, deposit them in a bank, and then do it that way.
Then it got so much there that he couldn't really do it at the bank anymore.
He went to Luxembourg instead.
Jesus.
Went to Luxembourg.
He had a retirement fund that reached $2.4 million.
On fake shoes.
On fake shoes.
God damn it.
$2.4 million.
On fake shoes.
On fake shoes.
God damn it.
Until a shipment coming across the border at Nogales, as we know down there, catches a customs agent's eye.
A custom agent's eye.
Customs agent's eye.
Right.
That's really hard to say. That's a tough one.
Double plurals.
Double S's.
And they end up finding 40 cartons of counterfeit sneakers that were tied to McLaughlin in the paperwork
with his traveler's checks.
How many cartons?
How many pairs of shoes are in a carton?
I don't know if they mean actual pairs or pallets.
I don't know how that works, but it's cartons of counterfeit sneakers.
Enough to get him in trouble.
I'm just thinking 40 fucking pairs of shoes brought down this empire.
That's pretty shitty.
That's pretty shitty.
That would suck.
Well, it's not just that.
Anyway, they tie it all to that.
They tie it to his company in Chula Vista, to his Korean distributors.
Everything is all tied into this from the shipping labels and everything else.
It is fucking terrible.
So the Harley guy, Lewin, he's trying to get down in Mexico.
He's setting up shit with the Mexican authorities, trying to raid the warehouse and the operation and do all this shit.
They end up raiding a warehouse.
They captured 30,000 pairs of sneakers.
Wow.
And also one of the other co-conspirators in this whole thing.
They try to get this guy, a guy named Betek, and this guy speeds away to the airport.
And it's fucking nuts, man.
Wow. They chase a guy. It's like a crazy operation for counterfeit shoes. it's it's fucking nuts man they like chase a guy it's like
a crazy operation for counterfeit shoes jesus it's nuts man you think about that like that money
probably doesn't it sounds like a lot of money to you and i to reebok that's fucking nothing
it isn't crazy when this first started it wasn't a big company so they were like shit a million
dollars a year is costing us yeah that's fucking a brand new company for sure.
But today's company, $2.5 million doesn't even buy them a Super Bowl ad.
You know what I mean?
That's the truth.
That's nothing.
So November of 1989, what they end up doing here is they close in on Byron and Glenn.
Glenn is Byron's brother, and Glenn is also doing this shit with them.
Glenn is Byron's brother, and Glenn is also doing this shit with him.
Byron is arrested in his home on November 28th, and his brother is arrested in Miami,
which they do a little sting on his brother.
They just walk up to Byron's home and knock on the door and take him in.
His brother, they lure him in.
His brother was down in Chile setting up the operations in South America.
They lure him to Miami by customs agents.
They get him there.
They pose as big-time shoe buyers that are going to buy a whole fuckload.
Awesome.
So big that they need him there.
Yeah.
And what they end up doing is arresting him instead.
It's whatever.
They made tons.
They served other warrants all over in Mexico and Chile.
They seized $4.5 million in the whole deal.
Yeah, it's crazy.
They're going to be charged with money laundering at the very least.
At the very least, they also allege transfer of funds for criminal purposes.
Sure.
And they're going to have more counterfeiting.
This is almost Rico stuff at this point.
Money laundering is the big one.
Right.
That's your big boy.
That's your problem.
That's going to be an issue.
Overall, they indict 18 people out of this.
Jesus.
Koreans included, everybody.
They're bringing them all in.
By the way, they also counterfeited L.A. gear, which is the worst shoe ever.
Remember those terrible L.A. gears?
They were all light up.
They were all, oh, that was later.
Oh, God, awful.
In the 80s, they were like what women would wear for aerobics.
Yeah.
Like a leg warmer and an L.A. gear.
Tall ones with like the Velcro at the top, thin Velcro at the top.
They had that.
They had ones with a tongue that was like split.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I remember my mother had those.
It was all fat.
Yeah, my mother had those.
I remember that shit.
So awful.
It's weird.
This whole case, because they built a giant case with this, and it turns out that they
couldn't find another example of a case that's quite... All these statutes for all the money
laundering and everything,
these are made for drug dealers, and they're using them for counterfeiters, and they're
using all the drug dealing statutes.
So now they've got to jump through all these law loopholes to try to stick this guy.
Well, yeah.
It's not that hard, actually.
Really?
Well, he's gone.
We'll find out.
Let's find out what he does here.
The general counsel for Reebok called it a fabulous success, and everything is terrific.
This is beautiful. We're going to get all of our money back.
It's terrific. Vans spokesman said they lost as much as
$3 to $5 million in just the last
year. So he was doing Vans, too?
Yeah, Vans, LA Gear, Adidas,
Converse, everything. Everything, except
Nike. I didn't see Nike on the list
at all. Well, Nike's one of the most popular to fucking
duplicate now. Those and Jordan. Anything anything Jordan they duplicate like crazy. Fuck
Yeah, they do anything Jordan a shirt anything. So what they're doing here. They're they're trying to extradite people from Korea
Everything they're not fucking around. They have this huge operation
apparently in Mexico the Mexican government had come around to
To trying to help these companies because they used to just say, screw you, we don't care.
Now they're, sorry, what do you want from us?
Now they're actually letting our agents go in and try to arrest these guys and shit like that.
So he's released on bail.
Byron is.
He's got to be feeling like shit here.
Oh, my God.
Everything was great.
All of his assets are seized.
Oh, no.
Everything.
They froze his bank accounts.
He's got nothing.
He's got no money.
So what do you do?
What do you do?
Well, first of all, he's going to fucking have his lawyer make a shitload of motions to delay the trial.
He's trying to say that you can't break American law on Mexican soil.
That's what he's saying.
That's his fucking claim.
That's his defense.
Like, I was in Mexico.
What difference does American law make down there?
And they're saying you're a citizen and bringing shit into America. It doesn't matter that you put them together down there. You're also breaking American was in Mexico. What difference does American law make down there? And they're saying you're a citizen and bringing shit into America.
It doesn't matter that you put them together down there.
You're also breaking American laws in America.
You're also taking money that's ill-gotten and bringing it here and laundering it and not paying your proper taxes.
So they charge everything.
They charge money laundering.
Lewin is charging a civil case for millions of dollars on behalf of the companies.
And then the DA is charging criminal shit and also wanting restitution.
So they're trying to screw him good.
Take everything and give it all to Reebok.
Yes, yes.
So what he does here, he's broke.
He decides he's going to plead guilty.
He says he's pleading guilty to money laundering.
That's the deal.
He's agreed to pay back the $2.4 million he stole, which is his retirement fund.
He's going to give it all back.
So he's fucked.
Four days before his sentencing, he disappears.
Oh, boy.
Gone again.
On the lam.
Ends up in Tijuana, baby.
Oh, boy.
Goes down to Tijuana.
You don't need money down in Tijuana.
Well, no.
Who knows what he's doing down there?
And who knows how much he had buried in the yard or under his mattress.
Buried in Mexico somewhere.
Or in Mexico.
Yeah.
He's sitting down there. He he's probably feeling good too.
That's the other thing.
Smiling his ass off.
Smiling, he's like, I'm in Tijuana, this is fine.
Yeah.
He's like, this is great.
He's setting up more deals.
Yeah.
Setting up shit.
Going right back to work.
He's wheeling and dealing people.
People are coming over, knocking at the door.
He opens it and it's the Mexican pimp.
Of course it is.
Guns blazing.
And he says.
How is it you've come to arrive here?
Why are you here?
You come to my, you come here.
I want, when I buy shoes.
See, you have to understand.
I do a lot of walking.
I go from girl to girl to get my money.
And plus, I have to keep knocking on hotel room doors and asking people, why?
Why?
Why do you do what you do?
So I need the comfortable shoes.
And I chose the Reebok Classic as my comfortable shoe.
And I realize it's fake.
British flag fall offside.
Why?
Why you do this?
Why? Why? Why you do this? Why?
Why?
Why you no make in ostrich skin?
I like a louder look.
Possibly a leopard or a cheetah print.
If you could make that, I would be very appreciative.
Thank you.
I mean, how is it you've come?
You know what I mean.
Okay.
Poof.
Poof of smoke and tequila.
Mexican pimp is gone.
Poof of gun smoke.
He's out of there.
So he ends up down there, but he takes a little extra going.
He's like, I'm going to stay in there.
I'm not going to stay here.
What I am going to do is I'm going to fly to France, and I'm going to marry the woman
I've been seeing who is a French national, and also they have a child. I'm going to go over there. I'm going to marry the woman I've been seeing who is a French national. And also they have a child.
I'm going to go over there.
I'm going to stay in Cannes, where the film festival is, south of France in Relax.
And that's where he does.
And they also don't extradite, correct?
They do not.
Not if you're a French citizen or if you're married to a French national.
But on the way there, he ends up in northern Africa at one point.
He's arrested and captured by local officials for this, for the outside deal.
He's arrested there.
He bribes his way out of jail with a Rolex.
Wow.
He bribes his way to freedom.
My God.
We don't know how true it is, but he says it's true, and everybody said it was true.
He told everyone it was true, so it's good enough.
Good for me.
You know what?
It's so goddamn cool.
Bribing people with Rolexes to get out of a North African prison.
It's pretty impressive.
I'm going to fucking say it's true just because I want it to be.
Now, the U.S. just says, okay, if you're not here, we're proceeding with the case without you anyway.
They proceed with the case.
In absentia?
In absentia.
They find him guilty, and they sentence him to 14 years in prison.
Holy shit.
14 years in prison for money laundering.
What do they do when they do?
Do they just handcuff a chair and stroll it to the fucking jail?
Yeah, I think they do.
They go over and slap his mom in the face and drag her out, I think is what they do.
Try to draw him out.
They've got to do something that's symbolic, right?
They don't know what to do.
So he's over there.
They don't know what to do with him.
They're trying to extradite him from France, but he married a French national.
If it's something that's nonviolent or whatever, I think that's what it is.
He's a French citizen.
They said he can't do it.
That's a hard guy.
That guy pays our taxes.
Fuck you.
Yeah, exactly.
You're not taking him.
So they have a huge federal lawsuit also.
Reebok International sues him and his marketing agency.
And he had a – it's ridiculous.
He had a marketing agency and everything.
A.K.A.
Byron McLaughlin, A.K.A.
Beck Marketing Agency, A.K.A.
Beck Buying Group.
And it's a Bank International Luxembourg SA.
Unbelievable.
That's his group that they're suing.
They're suing for all this money. I could go on for hours about federal copy counterfeit law because believe me, I've studied a great deal this week.
I have page and notes after notes of about this.
But you know what?
I'm not going to get into that shit because we really don't need to know about it.
He broke the law.
Yeah, he's hiding in France and he's still there.
He's sentenced to.
Well, let's go into this here. He's over there. Lewin ends He's hiding in France. And he's still there? He's sentenced to – well, let's go into this here.
He's over there.
Lewin ends up meeting him in Paris because he can't take him from there anyway.
McLaughlin's wife contacted them and offering to help set the meeting up because she wanted the whole thing to be over.
She ends up meeting Lewin and she shows up all beat up.
She looks like shit.
She's been badly beaten, and she cries and admits that she told Byron about the meeting,
and he beat the shit out of her for it.
Oh, wow.
So now he's beating up women over there, too.
God damn.
Still, she went, and Byron ended up showing up like, yeah, I see you've met my battered
wife that I slapped around for you talking to, but now it's me.
McLaughlin asks him for a bargain, basically.
He asks him, let's make a deal.
He asks for money.
He says, you know, maybe if I – there's a guy trying to sue him for countless millions of dollars,
and he's literally saying, well, what if you gave me this and not offering shit in return?
Like that's how much of a scumbag he is.
Never even mentioned in his deal, like, well, maybe if we make a deal, you could do something
for my brother, Glenn, who's in Chilean jail.
Yeah, yeah.
Nope.
Nothing.
He doesn't say a word about that.
Fuck Glenn.
Just sits there calmly.
Lewin said he's clearly a sociopath.
Yeah.
The way he put it was great.
He said his story was ultimately no different than when he'd been cut by the angels.
He was persecuted.
He was misunderstood. He was misunderstood.
Everything was always someone else's fault.
My God.
Yeah, it's the same shit.
He couldn't understand why people were out to get him.
He said he just couldn't win.
That's what he felt like.
Yeah, you can't.
That's why you aren't playing in the majors anymore.
And that's why you're fighting in France.
They never made a deal.
His wife ended up leaving him.
And that's when he he left there
and now he's in the wind we have no idea where he is he's been from he left con france there and he
is fucking just floating around gone we have no idea uh the reebok case i'll bet that jersey that
i own he made it probably he might have uh now we're gonna get to an interesting thing never
mind the reebok case here. Okay.
Well, get out of that shit because Reebok ended up winning a judgment in the end that
will never get paid back.
So who cares?
There was federal cases where they said, no, you can't sue people in Luxembourg for laws
that don't exist there.
Right.
And then appeals.
It's a mess here.
So this guy has fucked over, Jesus, countless people.
Jesus.
Wives, teams.
Oh, my God, fucking suppliers.
Anybody that's ever worked for Reebok.
Anybody that's ever worked for Reebok.
Anybody who has ever wanted an autograph, too, at that point.
I feel bad for all these people.
I really do.
I really feel bad, but not nearly as bad as I feel for Byron McLaughlin, a retired man who used to work at Aflac and now lives in Corpus Christi, Texas.
McLaughlin, a retired man who used to work at Aflac and now lives in Corpus Christi, Texas.
Byron McLaughlin, owner and project manager at HM3 Architecture, Inc. in Chico, California.
Oh, Jesus.
So look at him.
In California.
Same thing.
He's stuck there.
That's tough.
Brian McLaughlin, product line manager at BMC Software in Houston, Texas.
Then finally, this guy's my favorite, man. It's like a young black dude who's got like, it's like a company profile of people.
And he's like kneeled down with sunglasses on.
Oh, no.
With the wink and the gun?
Not a wink and a gun.
He's just looking cool and shit.
He's Byron McLaughlin.
He's a 22-year-old black kid. And it says, hails from Punta Gorda and works at the Santos Guardiola Credit Union after coming back from one year
in Miami sojourn in December.
In Florida, Byron was taking a paramedics course and working as a bookkeeper.
He says, I like doing bookkeeping.
I like numbers and I am a businessman.
What a nerd.
Then he says he's looking to stay above the fray and ahead of the pack.
Quote, I like to be jokey.
I like to have fun, but not rough fun.
No drinking, no smoking.
I'm a church-going guy.
Yeah, he says, church, work, home is how I live.
There is nothing better than living in the island where I belong.
What a dork.
He sucks.
And then finally, Byron McLaughlin and his LinkedIn profile just says Canada.
So Byron McLaughlin, the country of Canada owns you. You are Canada's son, Byron McLaughlin and his LinkedIn profile just says Canada. So Byron McLaughlin, the country of Canada owns you.
You are Canada's son, Byron McLaughlin.
He will sell you some Canada.
Absolutely.
So anyway, yeah, Reebok is fucked and they're not getting their money, but now there are
international laws that will protect these companies.
All because of him.
Pretty much, yeah.
Well, it started with the Judas Priest thing, but this made us so we could go down to Mexico and stop people in Mexico from counterfeiting and just bringing them up here.
This gave the U.S. the authority to do that.
Now, there's an article in June 22, 2016, and it says that right now there are a half dozen Byron McLaughlin autographs on eBay, none of which look alike, okay?
McLaughlin autographs on eBay, none of which look alike.
Okay.
And it says the completed sales tell a story.
A couple are glossy photos, a couple are baseball cards, and a couple are just yellowed index cards.
So it's basically a guy who's just signing shit.
They're real.
Sometimes the signature's looping, other times harsh and angular, signed at different times
and in different moods.
It says one on his
tri-paneled rookie card covers his entire face like he just signed over his face nobody does
that no super weird uh problem is the one thing that's weird is they're all expensive as fuck
his autograph is seriously expensive really it's crazy expensive let's find out here uh one because
you can't get them anymore but there's a lot lot of guys that are dead. Their autographs aren't this much.
Let's find out.
Can't get enough of Byron McLaughlin?
Well, I'll tell you what you can do.
Amazon.com.
Non-autographed.
You can get a 1981 Topps card for $1 plus $2.99 shipping.
An 81 Donruss card for $0.35.
They're so cheap.
So cheap.
An 84 Topps card.
The year he didn't even play.
$0.39 plus $3.94 shipping. Wow. It's useless. I think I didn't even play. 39 cents plus 394 shipping.
It's useless.
And it wasn't.
It's useless.
I think I want to get that.
Yeah, that's actually cool.
Then if you want to go to millcreeksport.com, this is the cheapest one I can find.
A 1980 Topps autographed card.
It's a certified, you know, the whole deal.
Authenticated.
PSA, DNA, all that shit.
$199.
$200 for his autograph.
That's the cheapest one. Really? DNA, all that shit. $199. $200 for his autograph. $200.
That's the cheapest one.
Really?
Same card on Amazon, $307.99.
Wow.
Free shipping, though. They're not monsters here.
Free shipping.
They won't rake you over the coals.
They won't rake you over the coals, but that's it.
Free shipping on that.
Wow.
$307.99.
Can't get this guy's fucking autograph.
He signed very few things.
Wow.
And when he did, he was pissed off and didn't care. Angry.
And gone now. Still on the lam.
He might be dead. He might be alive. He might live next to you.
You never know. Who knows?
Check the picture on our social media and find out
if he's next to you. That's crazy.
That's Byron McLaughlin. That's a wild,
weird story that was really hard to dig
up shit on. And he changed American folklore.
Just everything. Changed our laws.
Changed the way we import things probably.
It's incredible. Yeah. That's amazing.
Counterfeiting laws, changed international law, changed
a bunch of shit and got nothing for it. I'll bet you there's
a policy at every doc in America
now that he fucking influenced.
Oh, I'm sure. Like there's something that gets
counted because of this dick. Because of this idiot.
Yeah. Some sort of extra bill of lading that
has to be done or some shit. So much more paper that
had to be used because of this ass.
If you like that crazy-ass story.
My God, I sure did.
That was a wild one, man.
If you like that story, that one almost killed me.
That was a tough one to find.
Please, get on iTunes and give us five stars.
Sell us your following instructions, following directions.
It really doesn't matter.
Just the five stars are important.
You can also go to patreon.com slash crimeinsports. That's the one. And you
can do that. You can make a donation there. Make a one
time donation over at PayPal using our
email address crimeinsports at gmail.com.
That's the one. If you want to get a hold of the
show, that's an easy thing to do. You bet. Instagram
and Twitter, you can just get a hold of us at
crimeinsports, facebook.com
slash crimeinsports, and like we said, crimeinsports
at gmail.com.
We have a list of some amazing producers that we would like to give you right now.
But before that, I am going to, there's going to be a spliced in rant because I'm putting
both rants.
It's one rant.
I did it on small town murder.
It's a, it's a, it's a crazy rant.
And I just, I honestly don't have the breath or the, I just don't have the, I might will
burst a blood vessel by trying to tell that again.
So I'm going to copy and paste. We don't have health insurance for might have a little burst of blood vessel if I try to tell that again.
So I'm going to copy and paste. We don't have health insurance for him yet, and I'd rather not lose him tonight.
I'm going to be copy and pasting it in here and check it out.
It's going to be wild.
And, okay.
Now, before we get to our producers, I do have to make one little, we'll call this a.
Air of grievance.
It's a call to action.
It's not even an air of grievance.
It's a call to action. It's not even an air of grievance. It's a call to action, okay?
I would like to say, and I'm going to
stand up for this shit, too, because I feel like
I need to be on stage for this shit, but
okay.
This is what we need from
you guys, because you guys have been amazing, and you guys
have given us everything. Honestly,
anything that we get out of this show
in the future, anything that comes from this
positive is because you guys.
It's all it really is.
We would like to request for you to do us a favor, okay?
Go see good shows.
And that includes our show and that includes other shows too.
If you see a podcast coming through or a comedian that you really like coming through, go buy tickets to that.
For sure.
Go buy tickets to things like this because you know what we're going to do?
Our show is going to be about an hour and 45 minutes minutes yeah and it's gonna be fucking jam-packed yeah we're
gonna there's gonna be laughs we're gonna it's gonna be worth the money yeah is what we're
talking about yeah and the problem is you guys out there just regular people that go to a comedy
club once in a while i guarantee you when you walk out you don't feel like you got your money's
worth do you you don't do you unless you went if you did, you went to a theater probably to go see Bill Burr or Jim Gaffigan or Louis C.K.
or Amy Schumer or whoever you're into.
That's you go there.
But a comedy club, you know what you did?
You walked in because they gave you free tickets probably.
That's very common.
Because all the good comics do theaters.
And their comedy clubs, I'll tell you a little secret, comedy clubs are dying. That shit is dying. it's probably because that's their comment because because all the good comics do theaters and their
comedy clubs i'll tell you a little secret comedy clubs are dying yeah that shit is dying that
bubble's about to burst and they're they've been pumping it up and ripping you guys the fuck off
forever and that's the goddamn truth it's true you know why you go in there and you even not
even with free tickets you walk out with a hundred dollar tab with two drink minimums and all that
shit and you don't feel like you got your fucking money's worth? You know why that is?
Because those good comics are doing theaters, and there's B and C headliners that sometimes are good headliners and sometimes are good comics.
Great comics.
Good guys, too.
A lot of good girls, good ladies, good everything.
But they can't fill a fucking room.
Right.
They can't fill a room.
And nobody knows who they are.
Nobody knows who they are, and they can't fill a room.
And you know what?
A lot of them are weak, too.
That's the other thing.
And so basically,
bookers,
the comedy bookers,
they're the people
that they want to have
a big circle jerk
with everybody, okay?
When they talk to
C Headliner,
shitty headliner
that they're booking
and ripping you off on,
by the way,
when they're talking
to their manager
and booking that guy,
they're booking that manager
in hopes that,
they're booking that comic in hopes that they're
booking that comic in hopes that that manager's other client, who's a big comic who goes to
the theater normally, maybe will come in for three days this year.
No doubt.
So you're going to get 10, 20, 10, 15 weekends a year of a shit comic that doesn't deserve
to headline a fucking place because a manager, a booker wants to have a circle jerk with
a manager.
That's how it works.
Because in this
fucking business nobody nobody can be truthful everybody's got to remain friends that's the
bullshit and in the end guess what you get to pay for that shit it's your wallet your money
paying for that bullshit pays for them to have lunches and slap each other on the fucking backs
how about let's kick them out of power let's get them the fuck out of the position to have any
decision making ability whatsoever.
You guys do it.
You choose who you want to see.
Let them go to an industry that won't promote fucking up that industry.
They won't promote it because right now they're having you see a shit headliner who, by the way, you know how that first and second guy go up?
Guess what I was told?
That headliner doesn't want that second guy to be any good.
He doesn't.
He doesn't want pressure second guy to be any good he doesn't he doesn't want
pressure he wants him terrible he doesn't want to put on the best show for the audience you guys who
paid for that shit he wants you to supplement his fucking ego that's what he wants he wants you to
pay all this money so he can bring his drinking buddy with him who has 10 decent minutes and has
to fucking sell t-shirts with the last four minutes of his act because that's the only way
he'll break even he can pay for his travel that's the only way he'll break even. That's how he can pay for his travel to the show.
That's the only way he can pay for his travel.
And it makes the headliner feel good enough in his ego that that guy's not outshining him.
So guess what?
Nobody puts pressure on everybody.
You guys get a shit lame show.
You never go back to comedy clubs again.
Fuck that.
Go to comedy clubs.
See us.
Come see us.
See people like us.
Tell the clubs who you want.
Tell theaters who you want.
Tweet at them.
Say, I want crime and sports.
I want small town murder to come to this place.
Because you know what they'll do?
They'll get a hold of us and they'll book us and we will be there.
That's what happens.
Tell them, I don't want shit headliner A or shit headliner B.
We don't want that shit.
Just because your booker wants to have a circle jerk with somebody.
Because all of these fucking bookers, they feel like they're in charge.
They feel like they can steal your money and they feel like they can control people like
us and control our careers and control everything, control the content that goes out.
And that's why people make podcasts.
Yes.
Because they can control their own fucking destiny and they don't have to deal with that.
When you're told don't go out and try to crush before somebody because it will make them
feel bad, the industry's over, man.
It's done. The fucking bubble over, man. It's done.
The fucking bubble has burst.
The bubble has burst.
And I'll tell you another thing, bookers,
if there are any of you cocksucking fucking gutless shitbags
listening right now,
guess what?
When you're in there with all of us,
the host, the feature, and the headliner,
and you're acting like you and the feature
are good buddies
because you saw him at a festival one time
or some horse shit
and you and the manager
are all fake buddies.
By the way, guess what?
When you get fired, they'll slap that next booker on the back and forget you fucking existed while you manage a TGI Fridays, you son of a bitch bastard.
But you know what they say as soon as you walk out of the room and everybody's, ha, ha, ha, ha, you treat us like shit and you're all nice to the headliner?
They turn to us, the comics, and they say, don't trust that fucking guy as far as you can throw him.
He's a scumbag.
That's what they say.
Every one of them.
And you know what?
They've known us for 30 seconds.
They don't know if we're funny.
They don't know a goddamn thing.
But they know one thing.
You don't, as Ric Flair has said for years, you don't walk that aisle.
You don't have to go fucking prove yourself.
You don't have to do shit.
You get to sit on your fat ass and write fucking names and dates on a calendar, which guess what?
It takes no talent to do that.
And the world is discovering that.
And you're not going to have a fucking job soon.
So enjoy doing that because these people are going to take this shit back over and get the shit they want to.
And they're not going to be ripped off.
They're not.
And I'm not saying this about whatever your brand name club is.
People don't care about that anymore.
People under 40 years old don't give a shit.
They would go to see us in a fucking parking lot in the worst neighborhood in town because that's what they want to see.
Why do you think food trucks are popping up?
You're eating food while smelling diesel fuel, but it's the food you want for the money you want to fucking pay.
So you're not going to be ripped off by Olive Garden anymore.
That's all it is right there.
So please, what I'm saying is take this shit back.
Just take it back.
Tell them what you want and what you don't want.
Tell them you don't want it.
Say, we don't need Bruce Bruce to come through this year.
We don't.
We're done.
Emo Phillips, he was here last year.
We're good.
Tell them that shit.
And tell them what you do want.
Like people like us.
Thank you guys for listening.
I'm going to splice this into both shows because I frankly don't have the breath to do it again for crime and sports.
So with that said, I would like to give the floor over to Jimmy to tell us about these amazing producers who have done exactly what we're asking to do.
Have ponied up.
They've ponied up money.
They've ponied up time.
And they're the future.
If there's going to be a future of anything funny that goes and people can go see that's fun,
these are the people who are going to provide it for us.
It's people like Bradley Harker and Dana Grayson, big homie Dana.
Thanks for listening, brother.
I love Dana Grayson.
Appreciate you.
Thanks.
Ingrid Stokey or Stokey or Stock?
I'm not – it's S-T-O-K-K-E.
And she's the one actually that sent the N-O-K money.
Oh, thank you.
The North Korea money.
Yeah, that was awesome.
Thank you, Ingrid.
We loved being able to convert that.
Unbelievable.
We were like, hey, cool.
Grant Johns, Alison Barnett, Amy Helfer, EWA.
Is that E-W-A or E-W-A?
No.
Don't even try.
It's E-W-A.
E-W-A Taroska.
Taroska. Taroska.
Taroska. That kind of sounds good together, though.
It's like a cool name when you put the first and last together.
It's very Slavic and kick-ass, I think.
Yeah, it's not going to work that.
It's cool.
Jose Olivares and Paolo Oliveria.
El Olivera.
I think that's it.
Olivera.
I don't know.
It's Paolo.
That's the first name.
I dig that.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll take it.
Thank you.
Jim Frank, Carrie Murray, Cat Power in New York.
She sent some dough again. Thanks, Cat. Thank you, Cat. She's got herself a job, and she's killing it. We're dig that. Okay, yeah, I'll take it. Jim Frank, Carrie Murray, Kat Power in New York. She sent some dough again.
Thanks, Kat.
She got herself a job, and she's killing it.
We're killing people.
She's in an emergency room.
I don't know what she's doing.
Do it up, Kat.
Ashley Stevens, Omar Quintana, Jessica Landron, Anne Cristaldi, Chrissy Ann Cristaldi.
The best.
God damn it, guys.
The two of you are fucking incredible.
Thank you.
You really are.
Gail Maeve, Brittany McDonald, Candace Horner, Sarah Bessler, Christopher Ascaraga.
Almost sounds like ass kicker.
That's kind of cool.
Laura Pettenari.
Fuck.
God damn it.
It's an Italian one, Jimmy.
You want me to take it?
Pettenari.
That's it.
Pettenari?
Yeah.
Laura Pettenari.
All right.
That's not bad.
Meg Dante, Aaron Tanner, Hugh Wilson, Caitlin Maroney, Anthony Marquez, Allison Heimer, Timothy Jenkins, Ben Larson, Mary Grace.
Holy what the shit is your last name?
Mary Grace Skrivonich.
That's it.
Skrivonich?
Skrivonich.
Mary Grace Skrivonich.
Thank you, Mary Grace.
Again, it sounds like you nailed it.
I think you're all right here.
William McClellan. You probably didn't at all. Bill McCle Grace. Again, it sounds like you nailed it. I think you're all right here. William McClellan.
You probably didn't at all.
Bill McClellan.
Yeah, Bill McClellan, Scotland.
Dalton Henson.
Josh Zack.
James Karsh.
Josh Rober.
Matt Joy.
Larissa Kemp.
Sharifa Hay.
Rob Clark.
Joshua Field.
Senga Robertson.
Laura Blakelsley.
There's so many Ls. That's ridiculous. Blakesley. That's it. It's just Blakesley. There's so many L's.
That's ridiculous.
Blakesley.
That's it.
It's just Blakesley.
Kelsey Herbert or Hebert.
Sorry, Kelsey.
Kelsey Hebert.
Kelly Moore.
Mary Hemphill.
I like that a lot.
That's Shirley.
Sarisha Williams.
Kelly Schultze.
Schultze.
Schulte.
It's just Schulte.
Okay.
Jesus.
Fair enough.
Giselle Dodata.
Kaylee. Are you shitting me, just Schulte. Okay. Jesus. Fair enough. Giselle Dadada. Kaylee.
Are you shitting me, Kaylee?
Come on, Kaylee.
Kaylee Murikis?
Murix.
Murikis.
No.
It's ruined.
Sorry.
Sorry, Kaylee.
She knows who she is, god damn it.
Jacob Adams is a huge Batman fan, and he liked it.
We mentioned Batman, so he sent us some dough.
I saw that.
That's awesome.
Thank you.
Cool.
We mentioned it again today.
We mentioned Dark Knight today.
There you go. Mariamma Evans,
Pamela Sloan, she upped her donation.
Thank you, Pamela. Whitney
Booza, Shane and Crystal
Davis.
Shane and Crystal, they're truck
drivers. They're a tandem truck driver.
Husband and wife.
He gets rest now because she listens to
the show. So thank you guys for listening.
Right on.
Sherry Neese, Bennett Williams, Captain Surly, Nancy Leeds, Charlotte.
Ah, fucking hell.
I thought I was going to get through this.
Charlotte Karuba.
Karuba?
It's Karuba.
It's got to be.
Jeff Maynor, Jennifer Creed, Delinda.
God damn it.
Delinda Andrews Luinge.
No, I'm ruining it.
I'm so sorry.
Luinge?
Luinge?
Maybe.
I don't know.
I don't think any of those are right.
And Matt Jelinek.
Thank you guys so, so much.
God damn it.
Thank you guys.
Thank you for giving a shit.
Thank you for supporting this and continue to do so.
Thank you guys, really.
You support us and you keep us going.
You keep us afloat.
And thank you for listening to my insanity.
It was awesome.
Please, by the way, anybody out there listening, don't penalize Jimmy for that.
If somebody is going to fucking say I'm not booking these guys anymore, guess what?
Listen, I agree with you 100%.
I'm on your side.
That's why we do this together.
And you know what?
We ride or die together.
That's right, brother.
You know it, man.
We fucking do.
That's a fact.
And you people, all of our listeners, all you great people out there, you're the people
who have allowed us to be able to do this and not have to kiss people's asses because
if you have the goods, which is an army of people behind you, which is people that are
coming to see you, if you have that, it doesn't matter what any of these people fucking think.
You can do whatever you want.
You can do whatever you want.
You can do the shows you want for your audience and have a good time doing it. That's right.
So that's the key there. So you guys are making
this happen. Thank you guys so, so much.
Let's say these people, these wonderful people
wanted to get a hold of a fellow like you,
Jimmy. How might they do that? You can find me at
Wisman Sucks, W-H-I-S-M-A-N Sucks
on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. Follow me, play along.
I love hearing from you guys. It's great.
And I am at Jimmy P is funny. You can
catch me there or just try to copy and paste my last name.
Don't try to spell.
I was going to say try to spell it.
It may have an adventure, but there's an I in there.
It's all funky.
Don't worry about it.
Just do that and come back each and every week for more asshole, scumbag, criminal athlete lunatics.
Because we're going to keep being here always live from the Crime and Sports Studios.
We will see you next week.
Bye. live from the Crime and Sports Studios. We will see you next week. Bye! Bye! on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today or you can listen early and add free with Wondery
plus an Apple podcast.
Before you go,
tell us about yourself
by completing a short survey
at wondery.com slash survey.
The wait is over.
So far, you're not losing.
The only thing you're losing
is my patience.
Quickly, I see that.
Ding!
The queen of the courtroom is back.
I didn't do anything.
You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and slapped you in the face.
I see he's not intimidated by anything.
I can fix that.
New cases.
She wanted to fight me.
Leave her alone.
Okay, so, um...
This is not a so.
This is a period.
Classic Judy. Did you sleep with her? Yes, this is not a so. This is a period. Classic Judy.
Did you sleep with her?
Yes, Your Honor.
You married his cousin.
His brother.
That's not him.
Yes, ma'am.
I would make a beeline for the door.
The Emmy Award-winning series returns.
How did I know that?
I have a crystal ball in my head.
It's an all-new season.
It's streaming, you can say anything.
Judy Justice.
Only on Freebie.