Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark - "I Knew I Was On Fire." – Burn Survivor Medley Zeigler

Episode Date: October 29, 2021

What if you survived being burned alive, 3 weeks after your wedding? When you say your wedding vows, you are making a commitment to your marriage before God – vowing to stick by your spouse for better or for worse, and in sickness and in health...but what if a tragic accident happened to you at the start of your marriage? What if you and your spouse had to immediately put your vows to the test?Three weeks after Medley Zeigler married her beloved husband, a horrific accident changed the ...

The spillover is powered by Turning Point USA. Did you know that? Did you also know that America Fest is powered by Turning Point USA? If you haven't already purchased your tickets to this year's biggest party in America, you better do so ASAP before it sells out. For such a massively fabulous event, we figured we bring the party here to Phoenix, Arizona, December 18th through the 21st. And the lineup is spicy.

We've got some of the biggest speakers in the conservative movement and some musical guests, too. You are not going to want to miss it. Go to TPSA.com slash AmericaFest, like right now, and get your tickets. And exclusively for the spillover listeners, you can get 25% off with the code, Alex. I can't wait to see you there. It's that time of the week again. The spillover with me, Alex Clark. Every once in a while, I hear a story that shakes me to my core and inspires me to see the world

with much more meaning. We all get caught up in our routines, the drama of relationships, work stress, insecurities. It's part of being human. But life can still happen to us. And when it does, it has the power to change everything. Now, think of the place that you feel safest. Maybe it's an actual place. Maybe it's a person. For me, I feel safest in my cozy apartment with my blankie and a Dr. Pepper with a plastic straw on ice. Ice is the best. Now, imagine. Imagine an accident, though. That overrides the one place you feel most secure, most safe. That nightmare is something today's guest experienced.

It was summertime 2019. She was 25 and had been married for just three weeks and was home with her new husband when their house exploded from a gas leak out of nowhere with them inside. As flames swallowed up their new home, the couple began the fight of their lives for their lives. After over five months in the hospital, undergoing a two-week-induced coma and 27 surgeries to help heal vicious burns that covered 96% of her body, today's guest miraculously lived. Since then, she's been rewriting what it means to have a deep faith in God and what it looks like to endure the worst part of for better or worse, much sooner than she could have fathomed three weeks before the event.

Her story is remarkable, and it's clear that her life has. has purpose beyond what she could have ever imagined for herself. I have so much to learn from her, and I'm honored to have her on to share her story. Please welcome Medley Ziegler to the spillover. Medley, it's so amazing to be sitting with you after I feel like I've been stalking your Instagram looking at all your pictures because I stumbled upon you by accident, actually. I think I was just on my explore page or something like that, came across you, started reading all of your posts and you and your family have just kind of taken record of your entire journey.

And so I got fascinated with your story. And so before I get into that, though, kind of start us where your life was before the accident. So just looking a few months before that, what was the biggest, you know, hurdle that you were overcoming in your life at that time? I would say that there were a few. A few months before I was planning a wedding pretty much by myself because my sweet fiancé was in medical school. So that's a pretty big load. And we were long distance.

So I was planning a wedding by myself, long distance fiance, getting ready to move up to where my fiancee after the wedding. and leaving my family was probably the one of the biggest hurdles that I was was facing, one of the, probably say the biggest stressor, more than the wedding, more than leaving my job, nursing, which I loved. I knew I'd find another job and I prayed that I would like it as much as the one that I had, but I'm very close to my family, my parents and my two younger sisters, and so that was, I was really struggling with that. So had you lived at home then until you got married? Absolutely.

Wow, I love that. Okay. I could ask you 500 questions just about that. Okay, so then you get married and when was that? We got married June 15th, 2019. And then walk us through July of 2019. So you get married and three weeks later about, right? About, yep.

Three weeks later. You end up going through really the fight for your life. And so just walk us through that day in July of 2019. What was happening? What was going on? Well, you know, like most things, it was a normal Tuesday. Well, it was really a new normal. My husband was at the hospital doing his clinical rotation.

and I was at home and I was unpacking boxes and going to Walmart and, you know, all the, all the things. He came home. We went to a friend's house to take care of his dog and do a couple other things there. Grabbed a bite to eat, came back home, went inside. Yeah, and not long after that our whole whole. world was turned upside down. So you're just unpacking boxes and then and then what? So I was in the back of the house. Kevin, my husband was in the front part of the house and, you know, it's one of those things where it's like everything happened at the same time and it seemed so fast and it seemed

so slow all at the same time, you know. It was a very weird experience. So, kind of all at the same time Kevin screamed my name and there was like you know like an explosion and just there was just fire

everywhere just I mean it literally happened so fast it was shocking so you blink and your house is on fire yep

and so then what happens next are you trying to get to your husband Is he trying to get to you? Can you hear him? So we were, like I said, in different parts of the house. And no, I couldn't hear him. It's like everything moved in such slow motion. It was just crazy. So I actually, as soon as like the explosion happened, I actually like fell down.

And so, of course, like the first thing that I was thinking about is like, oh my God, I have to get out. Like you literally in that moment, like you cannot think about anything else other than like I have to get out. You have to get out. So somehow I managed to stand up and I like took the shortest route that I knew like to get outside. So basically there was the double, these double doors in our kitchen. And so I just like made my way to those double doors as, you know, as quickly as I could. And I didn't know this at the time, but Kevin had also tried to get out of the house. And so he had actually gone to those double doors and he had actually unlocked it while like he could see his hands were on fire.

Like everything was on fire. And he managed to like get the door unlocked and open the door. So when I came through, I just thought that the doors had just kind of like swung open on their own. And we both like we didn't see each other. other until I walked out of the house and we were both in the backyard. I mean, honestly, just, you know, you're just like in shock. I don't even, it's really hard to put into words because it really, it seems like a dream. I mean, it really does. A horrible dream, but it seems like a dream. It doesn't even seem like reality. From the moment that you realized, you said there's fire all around,

to the moment that you were able to walk out with your husband and meet him in the backyard, How much time do you think that was? Probably only a few seconds in reality. Probably. But it felt like how long? I mean, it felt like minutes. It just felt like every movement that I made, I felt like I was making it in slow motion. I don't know how else to describe it.

It felt longer than just a few seconds. When did you? realize that you were on fire? You know, it's one of those things where I look back and I can see how in my faith is very important to me. And I feel like I can look back and see that it's almost like God was kind of, I feel like, shielding me from some things. Obviously, I knew logically I was I was burning. But I couldn't really feel anything. And when I, when I walked outside, I just immediately felt so exhausted. Like I, it was instant. I felt so tired. Like, you know, when you're, that if you have to stay up all night and like, you're just trying to get through the day and you're

like, you feel like you can't hardly hold your eyes open. Like, that's how I felt. and it was like instant. And I was having trouble breathing. So it was kind of like I was really having to like, you know, work for my breath. And so because I'm a nurse, I knew, like I knew logically in the back of my mind, I was like, none of this is good. Could you see? Could you look at, when you walked outside, I mean, had you looked at your hands, had you looked at your arms? I didn't.

I didn't want. I didn't want to. Like I just instantly knew that I just didn't want to. Do you remember seeing your husband, Kevin, when you met him in the yard? Yes. Did you all talk to each other? We did. I don't really know if it was talking, more like screaming.

But, yeah, he was just, I'm sure what he saw was way worse than what I saw. but he was just immediately, you know, in a panic, just trying to screaming for anybody to help us, you know, and he was mostly concerned about me. So he was really screaming, you know, someone come help my wife. Someone come help my wife. And, you know, he like led me to more towards the back of the yard because the house was. still on fire and we didn't know like there's there going to be another explosion you know so he was just trying to get us further away from the house so we kind of like got to the to the backyard and um I had just laid down I mean I was so tired I just I just laid down on the ground and and he was like

just screaming trying to get someone's attention and um yeah it was it was terrible when you think about it can you still hear that yeah i i remember i remember pretty much every second i remember you know him screaming my name and the fire shooting throughout the house i remember falling down i remember trying to get up and like seeing everything around me on fire you know i remember we're going outside, seeing him for the first time. I remember just closing my eyes and, like, laying down on the ground. And there's a big tree in our backyard, and I was laying kind of close to the tree. And, you know, he's screaming, and I'm just kind of, like, laying on the ground with my eyes closed.

And there was a second explosion in the house that busted out a lot of the windows. I remember like opening my eyes on the ground, like watching that happen, and then I just closed my eyes again. So I remember every single detail. Did you think in the moment that you were going to die? Absolutely. It was a really, really unique experience because, you know, I'm a nurse. And like I said, I never, I just,

couldn't look at myself. So I just closed my eyes and I knew, you know, I'm having trouble breathing. You know, I just knew the chances of me surviving were pretty slim. Because I remember laying there on the ground and, you know, I thought, man, if, you know, if the paramedics don't get here, really quickly, I'm not going to make it because, you know, especially with Burns, as is with a lot of things, but especially with Burns, time is very valuable, you know, and every minute that goes by makes a huge difference. And, you know, at that time, we didn't, we didn't even know if anyone had called 911 yet. And, you know, we didn't know what was going on.

he was just trying to get somebody to help us. And so, you know, and I know sometimes it takes, you know, paramedics 10, 15 minutes to get, you know, to you. And, you know, I knew all that stuff. So I, you know, I definitely thought I wasn't going to make it. How close were other neighbors in proximity to the house that you guys were living in? The houses were actually really close together. It was like an older neighborhood. but the houses were really close together,

but it also was a really quiet neighborhood, at least the part of the street that we lived on. So there weren't always like people outside, and it wasn't a super busy street. Did you even know your neighbors at that point? No. Because you guys had just, you were moving in. Not a single one of them.

Well, they definitely know you now, right? Yes, we have, some of them have reached out. over the last couple of years. So when you were laying there, did people come out? So the first thing that happened, I'm laying down. He's trying to get help. This man comes through the side of our fence. And he's like, we call 911.

They're on the way. like, you know, and he said, you know, I'm going to stay here with y'all. They're going to be here soon. You know, I'm going to stay here. And he just kind of like knelt down, not like right beside me, but kind of like a little ways away, but he just kind of knelt down. Then I remember that being a huge relief, at least for me, because I was like at least someone has, you know, like started the ball rolling here. But even still, I mean, I knew like if, you know, still, if it doesn't happen in a hurry, like, this, you know, this is the end for me. This may seem like a silly question, but I think a lot of us, you know, a lot of people think about if I was ever in a fire and I felt like, you know, I was burning alive, what would that feel like? What would it be like? and I mean did your when you walked outside were your clothes everything just singed hair everything so when I walked outside um I definitely think I was on fire and one of the first things that Kevin did when he came over to me he's like we have to get your we have to get your clothes off so like we got all of my clothes off as soon as I walked out of the house and um

Thank God because the 4% of my body that did not burn was because we were able to get my clothes off really, really quickly. Because we hear stop, drop, and roll. But I've never thought about the fact you've got to get the clothes off because that's probably helping the fire keep going. Exactly. Exactly. And so, I guess, did you feel the pain at that point? I did not. I didn't feel anything. That's a blessing. Absolutely.

Absolutely. The thing that I, the only thing that I could focus on was like, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm having trouble breathing. And if you've ever been in a situation where you have trouble breathing, like that, you know, that takes over no matter what. So I didn't really feel any pain at that point. And so you guys, you finally get to the hospital. Do you remember anything from at that point? So I remember laying in the yard.

I remember the paramedics coming, the firemen coming, all the first responders. You know, there were so many people back there. And of course, they came, you know, they came straight to me and got me on the stretcher and, you know, started asking me questions. And thankfully, I could still speak. and they got me in the ambulance and, you know, of course, first thing they do, you know, they're trying to start an IV, taking vital signs, you know, doing all this stuff.

How do you start an IV on somebody when their skins burnt off? It's very hard, and you just got to work with what you got. Could you feel them at that point touching you? Actually, I could. When the man started trying to start my IV, I could feel that. And I was like, man, that hurts. Boy, I had no idea what was coming for me. But the funny, just a little funny part of all of that was he took my vital signs.

And I'm like laying there, they got oxygen. They got all this stuff. And I'm like, like peeking my eyes open, trying to like see what my vital signs were. Because you're a nurse. And I'm like, oh, God, what's my blood pressure? It's probably like really, really low. And like, what's my heart rate? And then, you know, one of the first things they did once they finally got the IV started was, you know, fluids.

And then, you know, he said, I'm going to give you some pain medicine. And right before he gave me the pain medicine, they, you know, called, they have to call in, you know, to the hospital and be like, hey, we're bringing in, you know, he was just guessing 24-year-old female, da-da-da-da-da. and like I made sure that I like stayed like I kept my mind going and I stayed conscious enough because I wanted to hear what he was going to say because I wanted to know how bad is this. You were waiting to see if the paramedic would say we have somebody she's about to die. Or just anything. I just wanted to, I knew he was probably going to give like a rough estimate for like the percentage of burn. And like I said, I hadn't looked at myself, so I didn't know. And so he said, at the time, he said 70%, 70%, and I just remember being like, oh, my God. Did that mean 70% of your body had been burned?

Yeah, that's what he was guesstimating. And, you know, they have to do those assessments so quickly. You know, it's just to let the ER know, basically, I think this is what we're bringing in could be worse. And then once he gave me the medicine, I went to sleep. And then I don't remember anything for a couple of weeks. It was a couple of weeks before I woke up. You were in a coma for a couple weeks. Pretty much.

I mean, it was like medically induced a coma. They were keeping me sedated because I was on a ventilator. And they knew like there's no way I could handle, you know, you can't, 96%. You can't handle that pain. So you were burned 96% of your body? 96% Wow Second and third degree, mostly third

And where was your husband during all this? He had his own injuries, right? Yes, so We kind of got separated When I went to the ambulance And they put him in another ambulance They took us to the same hospital, obviously We were treated in the same hospital

He remembers a lot more than I do He was never sedated so much that he didn't remember anything. Obviously, he had surgeries too, so of course that he doesn't remember. But yeah, we were treated in the same hospital, same ICU. Were your beds next to each other or you had to be in separate rooms? We were in separate rooms. I think he was down the hall for me, but I couldn't tell you how far. So after two weeks, you wake up who's the first?

first person that you see. You know, it's really funny because I don't really, I don't really recall like a defining moment where I like woke up. It's kind of like, it's almost like I was dreaming what was actually happening. It's a really weird thing to be in medically medical induced a coma. It's a really strange thing. So there's not like a moment. where it was like flipped a switch and I was awake. There are just little things that I remember happening that actually did happen. And it was about a week and a half, close to two weeks when, like according to my family and everybody else, the timeline of stuff that happened, I pretty much kind of like woke up at almost two weeks.

And so what was the first thing somebody said to you after you woke up? Yeah, I remember my family being there, my parents, my sisters, not too long after one of my earliest memories. I remember Kevin coming into the room and poor thing. He was bandaged from head to toe when I like remember seeing him the first time. He didn't even look like the same person. because his head and face were swollen. And, you know, all of his hair was burned off or shaved off or whatever. And that it was just, I remember being shot when I saw him at how bad he looked.

And then my family, you know, just being kind and, you know, uplifting and we love you. and, you know, just talking to me about whatever, because we talked about whatever, try and pass the time, try to, anything we could do to get my mind off of how much pain I was in. Am I correct in remembering something about your mom singing to you? They sang to me a lot. They sang to me a lot. It just was one of those things where, you know, it's really hard.

hard to put into words, but I was in so much pain and I was so miserable. I mean, I was bandaged from head to toe. I looked like a mummy. I really did. The only part of my face that you could see was like, like this. And then I had tubes and wires everywhere. I was basically tied down to the bed just because of how many wires and tubes that I had. And no amount of pain medicine that they could give me ever it didn't help it it just didn't touch it and being in that much pain were you thinking why god didn't you just let me die there or were you always like no i want to live i want to live i want to get through this pain um it was definitely a why god didn't you just let me die um and that's that's the truth it really is i am it it was so hard it it was so hard it was so hard

and especially because, you know, my family and Kevin, they couldn't be there all the time. You know, they could only be there during visiting hours. And, you know, nurses are wonderful. And my nurses were wonderful. And I'm still close to so many of them, even, you know, two years later. But they have other patients. You know, they have so many other responsibilities. Nobody can stay in there and hold your hand.

And, you know, I'm a person that I wasn't used to being alone, you know, and I certainly wasn't used to being the patient. That was a totally different role for me. You know, I was used to being the nurse. I'm the one that's taking care of people, you know. I'm the one that's taking care of them when they're vulnerable. I'm not used to being the vulnerable one. And it brought me a lot of comfort to have people there.

And so, like, my mom's singing. you know, my sister's singing, like, that's one of, one of the things that just brought me comfort, you know, it just for a few minutes, it just helped ease the pain, you know, because I could focus on the lyrics. I could focus on the singing and the, you know, the spirit of God that just, you know, really brought comfort in those moments. And it was definitely a daily, a daily fight in every way. But yeah, I mean, there were just about every day I would cry and be like, God, why didn't you let me die? And I mean, I would be totally candid. I prayed that I would just die in the hospital.

I really did because I just, you know, day after day after day of going through such horrible pain. And everything was just every little thing just made the pain so much worse. you know, if they had to turn me, if they had just whatever we had to do. And for the first, like, two weeks, I couldn't eat anything. And I wasn't even really supposed to have water or ice chips. So we're talking like three or four weeks I went with nothing. And so that, just on top of the pain and the long nights as being alone. And, I mean, I really did.

I prayed every day. I was like, God, just, I can't handle this. You know, I just can't handle it. Do you still feel that way sometimes, or do you feel like you've gotten over that part? You know, I struggled with it for a long time. I'm not going to say that I'm totally over it. But I can definitely say that it rarely, rarely happen.

now. Only on really, really bad days, you know. But yeah, I felt that way for a really long time. So walk us through the moment. There had to have been a moment where either your friends, your family, your doctors said, okay, we need to show you what the injuries look like. Yep. Yep. They kept a lot from me, which was the right. just it was the right decision they absolutely made the right decision to keep a lot of that from me um probably the i don't even know if anybody my family knows this but one of like the defining moments for me is um because you have to think like i was like laying in a hospital bed you know i didn't know what i looked like um and it was towards the end of july i think uh beginning of august i

August, my sisters had gone on a trip that they really couldn't get out of going to. They wanted to stay, but, you know, my parents were like, y'all need to just go. It's only a few days, you know. And so one day while they were gone, they wanted to FaceTime because they wanted to talk to me. And when my mom, like, held the phone up so that I could FaceTime them, that was the first time I had seen my face. and I was I was shocked at what I looked like I didn't even recognize who I was looking at

and I didn't even really say anything I just I kind of like kept it to myself and I kept talking to my sisters you know and like well not really talking because I couldn't talk but I had no voice so really I was just listening to them talk to me

but you know doing my little head nods and like mouthing words and then my mom would you know tell them what I was saying boy did we do that for a long time but that was definitely a defining moment for me because it was the first time I'd seen myself in the face

and it scared me to death because I mean my face was black like black and bandaged and you know like bloody looking and it was terrible.

Well, besides your face while you're laying in the bed, could you see anything else? I mean, was your whole body bandaged? I was totally wrapped. I couldn't see anything, not for a long time. How long were you wrapped like that until they started to unwrap you? And what was that moment like?

Well, since it was my whole body, it was one of those things. It definitely wasn't all at the same time. you know, like, it would only be as things kind of got better. And honestly, I mean, it was a really long time before I, like, wasn't bandaged at all. Like, I was well out of the hospital before I wasn't bandaged at all. So it was just kind of like a slow progression, I guess. I mean, I remember of all the things, like, that were unbandaged at some point that I, like, caught a glimpse of,

like if they were you know because every day you had to go through this horrible process of having all your bandages taken off it had to have they had to scrape out you know all of your wounds did you scream oh my lord yes yes every day had to do that um and they you know put the cleanser and all that stuff and then rewrap you and you had to do that every day um and that it If anybody has ever been a burn patient, they know exactly what I'm talking about. There is no pain like it. I'm convinced. Every once in a while, they would do this process like in surgery.

So if they were taking you a surgery for something, they would just do all of that during surgery, which was great because you were, you know, you were under. But they can't put you under every day, you know, like that's not healthy. So it's funny because for me, I was so, so thankful for the days that I was going to surgery because I knew I got a break from, you know, what they call hydro. That's what it's called. They take you to hydro, which is every burn patient's first nightmare. So anyway, out of all the things that I call it a glimpse of, I would say my face probably scared me the most.

And how do that feel not looking like the medley that you knew your entire life out of nowhere? Just one day you don't look like the medley you knew? It was horrible. It was terrifying. It was scary. You know, I would say it brought a lot of depression and anxiety and just not wanting to live. Was there anything that therapists were telling you to do and how to work through that? Like, hey, you need to look in a mirror and get used to seeing yourself every day.

Or what do you do for somebody that's gone through that? Eventually, that came. But I would say it was probably, unless I'm not remembering it correctly, I would say it was probably about three months into three and a half months into the process before, you know, there were people that kind of said stuff kind of like that or kind of similar to that. Yeah, it was probably about three, three and a half months. What reaction do strangers in public have? How do you confront people's ignorance like that?

It kind of depends on the situation, you know. Most people I would say, are they afraid to ask? You know, so they just act like it's not, they just act like it's not there. Especially adults, you know, we're really good at like pretending like, you know, we don't notice when someone's different. And I know, I mean, I used to do it. I'm guilty of doing it too, you know, because I would, you know, I used to think, oh, well, I'm sure everyone asks them questions and everybody asks them what happens to them. And I'm sure they get sick of talking about it. So I'm not going to be the person that asks them either.

I'm just going to treat them like they're normal. And so I totally understand why people, you know, why people do that. And I would say most people, that's what they do with me. They just act like, treat me like I'm normal. Would you rather be treated like you're normal or do you want them to treat you like something's different? You know, it just depends on the day. Sometimes I'm like, ugh, why does everybody act like I'm totally normal and fine? And like, you know, you can ask me what happened.

You know, you can be a little more patient or, you know, gracious or you could have held the door open for me, you know. And some days I'm like, I just wish people would treat me like I was normal, you know, and just, I would say most of the reactions in public are from kids. We all know kids are really funny and they can't, you know, they can't really lie unless they're really, really trying. So usually if I'm like being stared at in public, it's usually by kids, teenagers, like young teenagers. What has been some of the things that kids have said to you? I really haven't had any interactions where kids have said stuff to me, but I've overheard kids saying stuff to their parents usually or if they had, you know, like a friend with them or whatever. And it's usually like, mom, mom, what happened to that girl? I have had kids at church

Whose parents, you know Have tried to explain like what happened and they're they're like Your hands are stuck Like they're stuck because they're like they're so short Like they should be longer so they must be stuck So I've had like kids say some little kids say some funny stuff Does it hurt your feelings or do you feel like it it brings a little humor into the situation? You know if it's little kids

I just think it's funny I mean, how can you not, you know, think four, five, six-year-olds are funny, you know? They say all kinds of stuff, so it really doesn't bother me. Now, I'm going to be honest, sometimes out in public when kids are like, even though they're kids and they're pointing and they're staring and they're like tapping their friends and they're like pointing and like looking, you know, it gets old. And but, you know, it is what it is. One thing that stuck out the most to me about your story is, you know, most people get married and they think that the for better or the for worse part of their vows or the in sickness part of their vows. Oh, well, that won't come till we're very, very old. That's not going to come until we've been married for 40 years or longer, right?

Right. Yours happened three weeks after you were married. Yep. Was there ever a moment? for you and your husband where you thought, I don't know if we should do this. This is too hard. This is happening too soon.

I think so. I don't think that it happened right away. I think like the five and a half months that I was in the hospital, you know, and he was in the hospital for about four weeks. You know, the five and a half months that I was in the hospital, we were just trying, everybody, everybody. my family, his family, we were all just trying to survive.

You know, we were just each trying to get through that day. Like that day, that was our goal of what we had to get through. But I would say like later on, probably like two months, you know, after I had been home from the hospital. Because what a lot of people don't understand is, even though I was discharged from the hospital, I was still in so much pain. I still had bandages, you know, all over my body.

And it was a miserable work. My mom, my sisters, Kevin, I mean, we would have to do my showers daily and do dressing changes. And it would take all four of them four hours. Wow. And it was just a brutal process. I would scream. I would cry. They would feel terrible because they're not, you know, my mom and my sisters.

They're not medical, you know, personnel. Like, so it was, that was just such a hard time. We were living with my parents because there's no way that Kevin could have cared for me by himself. Plus, you didn't have a house. Right. And so I think there were some times during that time that, you know, we both thought, like, this is just too hard. Like, we just, I don't know. Was there a, this is going to work out?

Right. I mean, was there a moment, was there a heart to heart moment where you were like, do you even want to stay married? married to me. Do you still love me? Did you have that conversation with him? Oh, yeah. I'd say we had it more than once. What would he say? But he would always say, you know, of course I do. You know, this, this is just really hard. And we just have a lot of stuff that we need to work through. But of course, you know, I want to stay. Of course, I don't want to leave. You know, I love you. And, you know, none of that has changed. Were you worried that even though obviously he loved you as a person was there moments of, but can you still love me even though I don't look the same?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I thought that for a really long time. Sometimes I still think that. Over time, I've just tried to get better at voicing those insecurities and those doubts. And I will say from the very beginning, he's been very proactive about, you know, being like, you're still just as beautiful, you know, to me. How does that feel when he says that?

It's kind of hard to receive because I think as women in this society, in this culture, where, you know, so much is pushed in our face about, you know, what we're supposed to look like. him what we're, you know, the perfect wife, you know, all these things. It's honestly really hard for me to receive now. I think I've gotten better at it. And I always say, I know that you believe that. And I do. I've never doubted that at all. But yeah, it can be, obviously, you know, it feels good. and sometimes, you know, feels like, you know, I don't even, I don't even deserve him sometimes. I'm sure he feels the same way about you.

Was there a moment of anger or jealousy that his injuries, if you follow Medley on Instagram, then you can see her pictures. Your husband's injuries are not noticeable. Yours are. Were you jealous or angry that, you have to wear your scars so outward um yeah for a while um yeah because it you know it seemed really unfair because it's like i'm the girl i'm the woman you know like guys don't care about this stuff you know they don't i mean it probably bothers some guys but you know like it just doesn't

affect them as much and yeah there were plenty of moments where i was like not that i wanted him to go through all the pain and all the horrible things that I've gone through. But as far as like the outward appearance, for sure, you know, I'm like, God, why did it have to be me? You know, not that I wanted it to be anybody, but yeah, there have definitely been moments where, you know, there was a time that I was really bitter. Day to day, what are the things that you normally would be usually before the accident? It's so normal, an everyday thing that you would do, that you didn't even think twice about that now you can't do. Or it's very difficult. Oh, my goodness.

There are so many things. I mean, and thankfully, you know, with physical therapy and occupational therapy and all these things, you know, I've shout out to them because they're awesome. I can do so. I can do a lot more now. But, I mean, when I came home from the hospital, I literally couldn't do anything. They fed me. They, you know, helped me. shower, they helped me go to the bathroom. I was in a wheelchair. If I needed to be repositioned,

they repositioned me. If I had to stand up, they helped me. I mean, literally they did everything. And, you know, there are still so many things I can't do. I mean, with, you know, partial amputations on all 10 fingers, you know, I can't, I can't open a can. I can't open a Gatorade. I can't, you know, open the pickle jar, which everybody wants to be open to open. No woman, listen, let me tell you something, Medley, no woman, bird victim or not can open a jar. I couldn't get, I had to FaceTime my mom the other night and say, how do I open this jar of salsa? And she had to show me with the butter knife, you got to tap on it and all this. Like, I was like, I so nobody can open any jars.

I'd use that trick before the fire, too. Yeah. Oh, my grandmother would go around beating the lid. I mean, I can't even tie my shoes. You know, poor Kevin. He's had to learn so much. Does Kevin help do your hair? He does.

And, you know, for a long time, he's helped me get dressed. And that's why I'm like, you know, I hope one day we have a girl because you're good. You already know how to do all this stuff now. That's right. So do you guys want to have children? We too. Does being, I have no idea, does going through something like that extensive burn injuries affect fertility or your ability to carry a child? You know, it all depends on the location of the burns and, you know, all that kind of stuff.

We don't really know. We have been told that it will probably be okay. We'll probably be able to have kids. But, you know, we won't know until we cross that bridge. Tell us about the red shoes. So the red shoes. So for Valentine's Day this past year, I wore these. bright red heels Sunday morning to service.

And about a week before our rehearsal dinner back in 2019, we were out shopping and I saw these beautiful red shoes. And I was like, oh, I'm going to get those and I'm going to wear those to our rehearsal dinner. And I did. And fast forward, that was the only time I ever wore them. Packed up. I moved to where Kevin.

was after the wedding, then the explosion happened, and then I was in ICU and, you know, all this stuff. A couple months after the fire, my dad and Kevin were finally allowed to go back into the house for the first time, and it was absolutely a mess. It was a disaster. But they were going to see, you know, like what they could find in the house if there's anything left. And even in the ICU, I had prayed sounds really silly but I had prayed God if there's nothing else that that they can bring out of the house I want my Bible and I want my my wedding ring um because for whatever reason that day I wasn't wearing it and so I had put it in the box in our bedroom in my ring box and um so they go to the house and you know they get what they can and then they come back to the hospital

and my dad's like talking to me and he's kind of like kind of teared up and he's like guess what and I was like what he said your Bible and your ring we found him and so the Bible the like the cover was burned really badly like it's it's shipping it's like just if you shake it like all this black stuff will fall off but the pages were fine wow and my ring box is totally black on the outside. So like totally charred on the outside, but if you open it up, it's pristine, white, the inside was absolutely untouched. My ring was fine. And my dad being the girl dad that he is, he only had girls. And I was his first. He went into our master closet and just to see if there's anything he could find. And he said, I saw some boxes, some shoe boxes on the floor in the closet. And he said, so I just started going through the boxes because I was like, oh, if I could find any of her shoes, like that would be amazing. And so every pair of shoes that he could find, that was totally okay. He got. And actually, I think Kevin's the one that found my ring. Anyway. So the beginning of 2020 is really the first time that I saw some of that stuff. I didn't even know what shoes my dad.

had pulled out of the house. Because he had just, you know, he's a man. He's just like, oh, yeah, whatever shoes I saw, I just got. And I'm like, which ones? And he was like, I don't know. Typical man. Man. And one of them was the red high heels.

Yeah, the red high heels. And when I like opened the box, I teared up because they were, they're like that, they're like felt material. And so, you know, like if anything gets water or whatever gets on felt, like it's not it doesn't you know it doesn't hold up well and I was just like of all the shoes that were like totally okay you know these bright red stilettos felt stilettos you pulled out of the fire and they're totally fine and the only the only time I had worn them was to our rehearsal dinner right before our wedding so I was like you know what Valentine's day I was like what could be more fitting opportunity to wear them for the first time, you know, because they're just,

they're such a symbol. What do they represent for you? They just represent, you know, triumph in victory and, and, you know, just love, you know, the love that Kevin and I have for each other and the love that sustained and the love that, you know, that I have with my dad and the love that have with my mom and my sisters and um you know i remember walking into church that day and like my sisters saw me from afar and they instantly saw them and like i mean they had tears my mom had tears because you know we all knew it's just it's such a it's just a comeback moment you know like these bright red shoes rise up out of the ashes you know it just it really symbolizes a lot just you know like we literally have come back out of the ashes and trying to put our life back together

and dream new dreams and set you know set new goals and learn how to live this life to the fullest medley where can people find you and follow along on your and kevin's journey on social media so on facebook there is a group called kevin and medley's road to recovery um that's pretty much the main Facebook thing and actually how this whole social media thing started. And then on Instagram there is a page with the same name, but my personal account on Instagram is probably better. It's Medley, M-E-D-L-E-Y, Reagan, R-E-G-A-N. That's my personal Instagram. And a lot of people have started following along. Have you met any other Burns? survivors? Not in person. I have, you know, phone calls, DMs, messages on Facebook. But I hope to

meet a lot of them in the future in person. How can Kutervatives be praying for you and Kevin right now? You know, we have a lot of decisions to make in the next few months. There's a lot of things going on behind the scenes. And, you know, we just really need guidance in what doors we should walk through and which ones maybe we shouldn't. And just that everything would go the way that it's supposed to go. Well, I have faith in that, and I'm definitely praying for you guys. Thank you so much. And I just want to tell you, I know that you have not done a ton of interviews yet. I mean, really, you haven't probably been physically well enough to be traveling and stuff so recent.

Absolutely. Absolutely. So it means so much that you would travel to Phoenix to share your story with cute servitives today. And I just want to encourage you guys to follow Medley and her journey and support her. And I just hope that you know that every time you share your story, another guest to that. said this on The Spillover, and I thought it was so powerful. She said, every time I share my story loses power over me, the tragedy, the hurt. And so I hope that that is the same for you as you share yours. I can definitely, I would definitely say that that's true. This is the least amount that I've ever cried. Wow. That's amazing. It's got to be the truth. Medley, thank you so much for coming on this spillover. Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor. Every bit of Medley story gives me chills. I obviously can't put myself in her shoes.

But I think I speak for us all when I say that her life embodies so many crucial lessons in faith, resilience, forgiveness, unconditional love, and hope. For me, I have my natural insecurities. We all do. There are days I don't necessarily want to get in front of a camera because I feel it will highlight whatever. I don't feel great about that day. So I was totally impacted by Medley Story because it's. gave me so much perspective. Little things that we let bother us, like, you know, getting a pimple or being upset that a pair of pants don't fit right. None of that matters in comparison to who we are

as people. Physical appearance is hardly any of the picture of who we really are. You know, Medley and Kevin's marriage really resonated with me. I think that especially for people our age, we're waiting longer and longer to get married. We're getting older before we get married, all the while knowing the divorce, it's always there as an option. And the divorce rate shows that when the going gets tough, people walk. But for Medley and Kevin, they have very obviously taken their vows so seriously. They demonstrate why vows are said at all and also why they're said before God. Because when the worst comes around, whether that's in three weeks or 30 years, will you be willing to up? uphold those vows, or will you keep divorce as an option? Look at people who throw in the towel over

the most minor things. They say they aren't happy anymore, the sex isn't good, or they've changed. These excuses break my heart. When you agree to marriage vows, it's such a huge deal because you never know when the worst will come. You don't know what loving someone unconditionally might end up looking like, and only time will teach you what commitment actually means. Madly and, Kevin were confronted with a scenario most married people do not encounter. The most difficult part of life hit them after only a few weeks into living out their vows, but they fortunately have a lifetime to go on learning how resilience and hope factors into love and commitment. All that they've overcome is applicable to each of us wherever we're at in life. And I just hope that Medley's story

has touched you as much as it did me. If you're loving the spillover and getting all of this additional conservate and jaw-dropping interviews with the most incredible guests, it would mean so much to me for you to subscribe and leave a five-star review today. It doesn't have to be long, short and sweet is just fine. Let me know which episode has been your favorite. We have some of the coolest edge of your seat guests still on the lineup for the rest of 2021. You're going to freak out. I'm very excited about that. New episodes of The Spillover are posted every single Thursday at 9 p.m. Pacific and Midnight Eastern on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. And if you want to watch the episode, you can. You can find those on Pauolitics' YouTube and TPSA Live at 8 p.m. Eastern on Fridays.

That's it for this week. Love you. Mean it. Bye.