Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark - “Is Housework Gay?” - Biblical Patriarchy & The Red Pill Mvmt W/ Bernadine Bluntly

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

If your husband does the dishes or changes a diaper, are you guilty of not obeying biblical gender roles? Alex is joined by Christian courting & marriage coach Bernadine Bluntly to explore the red pill bro/Twitter trad wife phenomenon gaining ground in the conservative movement. They are completely distorting God’s design for men and women. Bernadine destroys popular red pill beliefs like: marriage isn’t worth it for men, most modern women are ran-through, and a man should never be asked ...

You are going to hear things today that will make absolutely no sense. You will be confused as to why or how there is even a debate on these topics amongst conservatives. And I have the same questions. There is a virus that has infected men and women on the right. And it's not feminism this time. It actually may be worse. This episode is both a warning and a plea for healthy discussion around what God designed marriage and relationships to look like. You know the phrase red pill.

People historically think of the phrase taking the red pill as someone being, you know, just conservative. They've become conservative politically. Well, in the online world, it has a double meaning, having to do with dating and relationships. To put this real simply, to kind of set up this conversation, a red pill bro is a guy who's politically conservative but extremely jaded when it comes to relationships and women in general. He's leaning towards either for going getting married altogether, or if he does get married, he's a very strange and warped obsession with control, a submissive wife that's almost to the point of a fetish, and tons of other weird stuff that we're going to get into today.

The female version of this is what I call Twitter Red Pill Wives. Now, we love real traditional wives, right? Wives that prioritize family, post videos baking sourdough bread, know their way around a chicken coop. I love that content. I follow that content. I mean, hello, ballerina farms, anybody? But there are these frauds who I can't stand, and they are women who egg on the red pill men purposefully

by baiting them with phony tradwife content when they don't actually live out that life. Now, maybe these women aren't even married, which is even weirder, and they're just feeding into these extreme fears that men have. And instead of saying, hey, guess what? I have good news for you. There are great girls out there. Marriage is worth the risk, etc. They're like, you're right. All girls are manipulative. All girls are whores. And they're not

worth marrying. Actually, marriage is not worth the risk at all. Oh, and by the way, while I simultaneously post a picture of myself in a bonnet today, a couple days later, here's a thirst trap of me in a body con dress. I mean, the whole thing is a larp. It aggravates me because there are men who are hurting, rightfully so. And they just need redirecting and mentoring to what the Bible describes as a good woman and a good wife and what a healthy marriage should look like. They don't need women baiting them on Twitter with their trad, larp for clicks and attention. All of that is said to pose this question. Is a patriarchy ever good? If it is, is there a difference between a biblical one and a worldly one? How should conservative women respond to the disenfranchised

red pill men. And how can you spate a fake trad wife from a real one? Today's guest specialty is biblical marriage and courtship. She's been married for 11 years as a mom of five and created an entire online course called Simply Smitten, the ultimate dating and courting guide for the traditionally minded woman. She's a real trad wife. She's actually free birthed twice, which means not only was it a home birth, but there wasn't even midwife there. She just push that sucker out and just said, all right, let's have lasagna for dinner, I guess. She agrees with biblical patriarchy in the Ephesians 528 and Colossians 319 way. And she and I actually bonded over this really bizarre movement gaining momentum online.

So I think she can give some much needed clarity and wisdom rooted in scripture. Please welcome Bernardine Bluntly on the spillover. You describe yourself as being pro-family and anti-degener. What does that mean? It means anything that would harm the family unit, anything that would hurt a marriage. I'm against that. So feminism, sexual degeneracy, I mean, really anything that would get in the way of a healthy, thriving marriage. Does God want us to live in a patriarchy?

I believe so. I believe that if you look at scriptures, it's plainly laid out that God made man first, right? And from man, he made woman. And then he describes it as the husband is the head of the family. And so when you look at scripture and you look at that, if you want to deep dive real quick into like the Greek, head can mean like a physical, actual head. But obviously that's not what it means. The husband is not the head of the family. it means also ruler and like lord and that's like what the heck is this what you're talking about.

Yeah, that sounds scary to a lot of women. They're like, okay, that sounds really controlling and sinister. Right. Yeah, but it, and I understand that view. Like I, I've been there. Like, I'm like, anything that would be threatening, if it feels controlling and tyrannical, I would be against that. I would fight against that, you know. But I think women, we haven't. grown up in a proper, women haven't grown up in a proper family unit or with a proper understanding of a healthy family and healthy patriarchy. And so I specifically say I'm for biblical patriarchy. And the root word for patriarchy is father ruled. So it could be a different religion. It could be like a different, you know, situation where the father is ruling, but since men and humans are fallen and sinful by nature, that could be used completely wrong, right? If a father is ruling but he's not submitting himself to God, not submitting himself to the way

he should be acting, then he could use that and abuse it. Absolutely, 100%. I don't deny that at all. But God, because he is a father, you know, he is the ultimate father and he is good, when he says patriarchy, when he says father ruled, it's coming from a heart that loves, that cares, that protects, provides, and leads well out of love. You know, it's not to control and to hurt and harm and neglect. Absolutely not.

And so I specifically support biblical patriarchy because in the Bible, it tells husbands and fathers how to treat their children and how to treat their wives. And there's no room for abuse. There's no room for manipulation. And it's actually really beautiful when you study it and when you see it and when you live it out in real life, It's very safe and it's very, it gives you a frame and a structure to thrive in

and to feel whole and safe, not just for wives, but for their children as well. That was beautiful. Sometimes I'm cool enough to get a makeup artist for certain shoots I do, like today, but not every day. And it's usually just a couple times a week. But my makeup artist, Ramona, absolutely loves prepping my skin with the pink hydrating cream from Nimi skincare. She even told me this morning, she's like, Alex, your skin truly is looking the best it's ever looked. Do you really think it's because of Nimi though? And I told her, I think it's a combination. This is the truth, of finding the right moisturizer and cutting out seed oils and

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That's neemiskincare.com with code Alex Clark for 10% off or click the link in the show notes and use code Alex Clark for 10% off. Neimi skincare, modern skin care, timeless. values. You've been married for 11 years. You have five kids. What was your dating experience or courtship experience like with your husband? How long were you guys together before getting engaged? We knew each other from church and we basically saw each other every Sunday. Were you serving together? Yeah. Like involved in things like that or small groups or something?

Right. Exactly. So that went on for like two years. Specifically because whenever we had started doing that ministry together. He specifically told me that he's not interested in me as his wife. No. No, wait. Okay, explain that. Why did he say that? What was it that he thought at first that you weren't his wife?

Because maybe this is going to give hope to some women that are like, there's this guy church that I really like, but I don't think he's interested in me. Maybe they'll change their mind. Oh, yeah. It's rarely black and white. I mean, it's rarely linear the whole journey of meeting someone than marrying. at least it wasn't for us, but we were like doing this Bible study and this ministry together, right?

And we were kind of like the leaders of it. And so he was also dating someone else at the time. Scandalous. Did she also go to church? At the state where he came from because he had moved from Alabama to Texas. Okay. And anyways, so when we started doing the ministry together, he, I guess, you know, there's kind of like the connection or attraction there. But he cut it.

very early on he was like, I'm not interested in you as my wife. One, because he was already dating somebody. But two, he also felt like if we are in leadership in the ministry and we date, if we break up, like the whole thing's going to fall apart, right? Because then everybody's like, there's drama and they don't like each other. They can't work together. And so he set that boundary. He was like, we're just friends.

But when he said, I was like, ow, like, excuse me? What's wrong with me? I can be wife. I'm wife material. But when he said that, I was like, okay, then. So we were just friends for two years. We did the church thing for two years, but there was always that boundary of we're not going to date. And so what changed his mind?

Like all of a sudden he must have been like, oh, wait, I am interested in you as my wife. Yeah, actually partial shout out to my father-in-law, my now father-in-law, because he told me later on, apparently they had a discussion. And his dad was pointing me out to him, but he was like, well, she's my friend. like she's my really good friend and he was like well who do you want to do life with then you're really good friend you know and he's like oh he realized like ministry is really important but if i've found a wife material if i found someone who really like works with me well who connects with me well marriage is really important you know so he was like okay i'm done being just friends and so when he told you hey i've changed my mind i'd like to pursue you what did that conversation look like

It actually, I had, I was single for a couple of years during that time. He didn't help with that situation, but I didn't date anybody for those two years. And I decided I'm not going to spend one-on-one time with any guy. Like, not at all. Like, I don't give you my time. I don't give you my attention. I don't give you exclusive access to me if we're not going to be something. And so I drew that line with him and all the guys like at church and all that.

So what does that mean? Like you would only hang out with a guy in a group setting? In a group setting, yeah. Interesting. Yeah. And so when he started asking, can we go have coffee together? I was like, no. Because you told me.

You told me I'm not wife material. But he was like kind of like showing signs of interest. I'm like, okay, what's going on? So he asked me to go have coffee with him. And so at first I said no. And then he asked again. So I did. And as soon as we sat down basically asked me.

So what are your intentions with me? Like, what did he say? He was taking it back by it. He was like, oh, snap. Am I that obvious? He didn't think I would be like so serious about it. But he, right there at that coffee shop, when we met up one-on-one for the first time in a long time, he said, I want to pursue you. I want to be more than friends with you.

If, you know, if you're okay with that, if you would accept that. And I said no. You did? Yeah. Okay. So then how long did it take? for you to come around. I said no and I was like no and I don't want to hang out one-on-one anymore. Really? Only in group settings because, you know, he told me that it wasn't even out of bitterness.

It was like I had told myself, we're not dating, we're not dating, we're not dating. So I had like trained my brain, we're not dating even though I was attracted to him. Like I liked him. I saw how he was consistent every Sunday. He was on fire for Jesus. He loved God. He knew scripture. But I had trained my reign and be like, no, we're just friends. And so he didn't give up that same day. He was like, okay, I understand. Well, before you go to work, so I was working at a daycare at that time before you go to work, can I pray for you? And so he prayed for me that I would have a great day at work and that God would just bless me. And I had like the best day at work that day. That's really cute. Yeah. And he basically didn't give up. He, you know, he wasn't pushy or like weird.

but he was he didn't give up on me he was persistent he was pursuing me and he was clear this is what I like to and this is what whenever I like speak to jensi or college kids or whatever at college campuses and they ask me well what is your dating relationship advice I'm like well first of all I mean I'm not the person to really give it out too much because I'm still single but I will say this I always look for clarity if you are unsure like where do I stay with this person does he like me does he not he text me sometimes but then he doesn't text me others and all this like all of that confusion I think that's a sign that that's not a guy you should be wasting time with. And the fact that he was like on the first little coffee date with you, he's like, Bernadine,

this is what I'm interested in pursuing with you. I love the clarity. Yes, absolutely. I mean, yeah, that's how people get into situationships right now. Like, they give all this time. They give all this energy and attention to this guy or, I don't know, multiple guys, I don't know, without knowing where either one stands and without even having the guts to ask, okay, are we interested in each other?

Like, what are we pursuing? Are you even interested in marriage at all in the future? Because some people will just like hang out and, you know, just, I'm not really looking for a long-term relationship. I just want to date. And you have to get clear on what you want. And then you have to set that boundary with a guy. That way you don't end up wasting all this time and going through all this process

and then being like, oh, they're not even interested in me. And sometimes people, you know, they end up even having sex and all of this and they're like, I wonder if he loves me. And that is brutal for a woman. Like we can play and pretend all we want that it doesn't affect us. But when a woman gives her heart and her body to a man and not know if he's going to be there the next day, that is extremely hard. And so women, we have to set that boundary. I'm looking for marriage. I'm not dating around. I'm not into hookup culture. I want to be a wife one day. I want to be a mom one day. And so that's what I'm looking for. If you're not into that, if you're not ready into that,

I mean, if you're not into that and if you're not ready for that, that's fine. So we're not going to waste time on each other. You know what I mean? And so I just literally, that was a sentence I gave him, like, so what are your intentions with me? And I put the ball in his court, you know, and he had to answer that. Is he just fooling around? Are we just going to be sort of friends, situationships?

No, like, if you want a relationship with me, let's just put it out there already. And it kind of helps that we were already friends for, you know, a couple years already at that point. but it really doesn't matter how long you've known each other or how little you've known each other. Just be plain and honest about your future plans and, you know, just communicate. So now 11 years later, you guys are really mentoring other couples and young people on how to date biblically, what a biblical patriarchy looks like within marriage. And so when you saw this trend on Twitter of this like red pill manorical,

Spher stuff popping up. Really, I mean, some of it is with men, but even a lot of it is with women, perpetuating this absolute bizarre worldview of what marriage should look like. What were your husband and yours thoughts? I think the first thing that exposed us to all of it, I think most people were exposed to the Red Pill Manosphere through the Tate's, you know. I think they have a lot of good things that they say and do. I think if you're looking for mentorship with business, with, you know, social media and all of that,

they're fantastic with that, right? But as far as like relationships, sex, the moral things relating to those topics, I think men should stay far away from that. And I don't know if they've, you know, apologized for what they've said or done. But obviously, pimping women out is not the way to go. it's not something you want to aspire to do. And so, I mean, they've said that themselves are pimping. Right. So it's not like I'm calling them names that they've said that themselves that they're pimps. And so when we saw that, it was just really unfortunate because a lot of right wing, conservative-leaning men were looking up to them.

And I can see why. They talk about things that conservatives aren't talking about. Christians aren't really talking about. So they have a lot of good things going, but then there's a lot of bad things too. And I think money matters. Money is important, but also relationships matter too. Like that matters a lot. And if you have these, you know, these ideas that lead you down a really bad, dangerous path, you know, with hookup culture, with sexual degeneracy, with basically disavowing marriage, just going with long-term relationships. I mean, there's so many things wrong.

Ultimately, that will destroy a man's life. How would you explain the Red Pill Bro Manosphere phenomenon to somebody who's pretty much exclusively on Facebook and Instagram? Like, they're not on Twitter, they're not on YouTube, they're not on Reddit, which is where a lot of this breeds. So how would you explain what this movement is to those people? I know, and my main platform is Instagram. So when I started talking about this on Instagram, they're like, what?

Yeah, it's lost over their head. Like when I try to talk about this, too. They don't get it. They don't get it. They don't get it. It's really like big on Twitter. Right. I just basically tell him this is just sexual degeneracy. It's a, it's feminism for men.

Yes. It's feminism for men. And conservative guys are falling for it. Right. Like crazy. But the weird thing is that there are women who almost bait these guys and say that they agree with them on these really bizarre takes. just to get engagement on Twitter.

Right. And I mean, for years, I've spoken out against feminism because it's that whole idea that I'm not responsible for anything. I'm not at fault. There's nothing I can change. It's all men's fault. And all men are wrong and all men are dirtbags. It's like the flip side of the coin, but for men.

So it's like men are never like the problem. It's women who are, you know, whores and fat and stupid. It's like, whoa, wait a second. Like, not all women are like that. And that's really discouraging to women, you know, like us, like my students in my course who want marriage, who are preparing themselves for marriage and want a traditional masculine man. But they're being lumped in and set, you know, this blanket statement that all women

have a high body count. All women are whores and all women, you know, are not wife material. And it's like they're literally preparing themselves to be the best wives they can be. And this rhetoric that all women are, you know, they're worthless is extremely dangerous, not just for individuals, but for society at large. Because if feminists are saying all men are crap and these red pill, manosphere are saying all women are crap, everybody's basically just saying marriage is crap. And there's no healthy way to have, you know, a healthy functioning family without a healthy functioning marriage first. And so it's so dangerous. And I mean, that's just what I explain is that this is the flip side to feminism.

It's like the pendulum has swung to the opposite side. When it comes to the women who participate in this stuff, okay, I tried to explain this and then I just pissed off so many people on Twitter. There is a difference between an actual traditional wife, which is like what you are. And then these, I call them Twitter trad wives. And when I say that, I mean people that are not even married a lot of the time and that are saying things to men like you're right all women are terrible they're all out to get your money and uh you know your husband is gay if he does the dishes these types of weird or the diaper changes

yeah or the diaper changing thing which we'll get into but like there are women online who are baiting men for engagement through pretending to live a trad lifestyle that don't live a trad lifestyle to me there is no difference between that it's like it's a certain type of thirst trap for men to make money and get engagement online. Only fans, girls do the same thing, baiting men for engagement. They're just, they're naked. But it's like, it's two sides of the same coin. How would you explain that? The difference between a real traditional wife and a larper? Yeah, so a real traditional wife, a biblical wife, you know, someone aspiring to live out biblical womanhood. I think ultimately it's not about what it looks like on the outside. Like, I'm on the show. Right.

Like, wow, why aren't you barefoot in the kitchen? That's what they say. They say, well, a true traditional wife shouldn't even be on Twitter. Oh, I literally got a comment like that this morning from some profile picture of a gerbils. But anyway, it's always anime or some gerbil. But anyways, it's about their heart and why they do what they do, right? So a traditional biblical woman, a Proverbs 31 woman, it doesn't matter what she does. All of it benefits, all of it benefits her family.

it's not taking away from her family it's not you know putting them out she's not pursuing something and um causing her family to suffer because of it you know and that's kind of what the feminist um teach is you know go get your bag you know climb the corporate ladder it's all about you be a boss babe whatever at the cost of their family's health you know you don't need your husband too the difference between these fake twitter trad wives uh that say you're just a feminist if you work at all in general, they're wrong. It's not biblical that entire mentality because the Proverbs 31 woman is a working woman. But she is prioritizing her family always before the job. And a lot of these women that the Bible describes that work, they also work in the home. You know what I mean? They're not

going outside of the home to a cubicle nine to five also. Yeah. Yeah, that's like a new invention. Yeah. That's a new thing. So, So these people that try to say, well, no, I'm, you're, I am, you're actually, because they will say something to like me. So I'm not married yet, not by choice, but I'm not married yet. And if I were to get married and even if I only filmed this podcast and it took two hours out of my week, they would tell me, oh, well, you know what? You're actually secretly harboring internalized feminism because you even work two hours a week.

Right. Yeah. And it's complete misunderstanding. So, yeah, the biblical trad wife, you know, her center is God and her family. And the red pill trad wife, you know, again, it's the same thing with the tape brothers. It's like, man, if y'all are preaching about social media engagement, if you're preaching about, like, creating content and teaching business or whatever, that's fantastic. Keep doing that.

But when you're talking about relationships and you do not talk about these things because you don't understand what you're saying and also you're causing more harm than good. You know, they make those blanket statements like your husband's gay if he does the dishes or changes diapers. Like, who is that helping? Like, what is that doing? You're causing more problems. And it's not realistic at all.

Obviously, if you've had any experience as a mom of at least two, you may come to the point where you need help. with diaper changes and dishes and that doesn't make your husband gay. You know, all these rhetoric from the women who are in the red pill manosphere is just adding to the idea that all women are correct. Well, and also, I would say this, if you are a Proverbs 31 wife and you are putting your children first and all that kind of stuff, you are doing, I'm sure, 90% of the housework. you are probably changing almost all the diapers and things like that because your husband is probably the one that works outside of the home. And so, you know, that's just how it goes. I just think that's how

a natural way of like running a house goes anyway. But the idea like my husband bragging and flexing online that my husband has never and will never change one diaper, I just not only do I think it's stupid, but I also, I think it's a lie and it's unrealistic because I'm thinking of, okay, so if you are to leave your house for three hours because you've got to run ears, you got to get the groceries for the family, you know, dry cleaning, whatever you're out doing and running errands, if your child is home and your child poops in its diaper, are you going to say because I... I'm going to have a diaper rash? Yeah. Are you going to say that my child is going to have a diaper rash because it's a feminist of me to let my husband change one diaper? Right. I mean,

it's just, the people saying this don't even have kids yet, or if they do, I mean, it's, it has to be this very special situation. Like, for me, I had two children under the age of two. They're a year apart. My two oldest. And then after that, like in the last, I don't know, four years, I gave her three times. So I've got like a four-year-old, a two-year-old and one that's about to turn one-year-old. Yes, I've had help. But why do they do? Why are women flexing on Twitter about their husbands not helping around the house? It's like an extreme caricature of a trad wife. It's not realistic. It's not nuanced. It's just this extreme caricature that gets engagement.

Well, the women online that are bragging about how their husbands never help, they never change diapers and stuff, they also say they're Christians. And this is what floors me, Bernadine. Jesus literally washed people's feet as a way to illustrate how much he loved them. But a man changing a diaper once in a while for his own child is somehow going against God's natural design for gender roles according to them. Right. I mean, you're going to be in situations where you're postpartum, you're lacking sleep,

you know, you are healing, your body's healing. If you've had a C-section, you know, that's rough. I mean, I don't have that experience, but I have friends who have, you know, if you need a shower, you haven't showered in two days and you need one and you just need peace and quiet in the shower without hearing the baby crying, you know, you're going to have all these real life situations where you're going to need help. You're going to have two under two, you know, four under three, three under four. You know, you're going to have back-to-back pregnancies sometimes like I did.

And there's no shame in getting help. I mean, they're the father of the children. And if these women really want to get biblical, I mean, if the dad doesn't want to help, then I guess they're going to need some maid servants. How about that? Because the Proverbs that are one woman had made servants. I mean, she had help in the home, women who were specifically there to help the family, do the chores, run the errands, help with the kids.

I mean, so, I mean, if you want to talk about biblical womanhood, I mean, if you don't want your husband to help, then there's that option too. Now, a lot of women are taking that Bernadine. They're writing that down. They're going, honey, remember the Proverbs 31 woman had maids. I think we're going to have to get one of those. So you're a Christian, you're conservative, you're married. What would you tell a guy that says, well, I'm doomed to be single because there are no good

women left? If you have that mentality, that's exactly how your life is going to play out. I mean, if you're not even, you can't even imagine there's a good wife material woman out there. You're never going to find her. And if she's right in your face, you're just going to be like, no, you're a whore. I mean. That's what they do. Yeah, that's exactly that you're never going to find someone who is wife material.

If you don't even believe they exist. And that's what I tell my students to in the same way. If you don't believe there are any good men left out there, you're never going to find a good man. It's, yeah, it's just, it's a lot. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If statistics show that divorce is inevitable for most married couples, why even get married? People think that marriage is just like government paperwork. It's not, like, it's not all about the money either.

Marriage is the union between a man and a woman. The union makes them husband and wife. You have to have that strong covenant, that, you know, that oneness to keep the relationship together and to keep the children in a safe and thriving atmosphere, which is the marriage. I mean, it's all just really dumb. Like, oh, why get married? I mean, you want to be in a relationship anyway. So they just call it a long-term relationship without any, like, tangible proof that they're

married or whatever, but they're still trying to have a marriage. I mean, they still want it, but they're just afraid of the government paperwork. So it's just a whole mess. Well, what would you, what can you get from a marriage that you can't get from? a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend? Well, to me, a marriage is when a husband and wife become one. And so I actually like talking about this. Apparently, this is my thing now talking about this.

But when, for example, me and my husband when we got married, and I know this is not applicable for a lot of people, especially because we live in the aftermath of the sexual revolution, you know, I have no judgment towards people who have, you know, slept with more than one person or whatever, but from what I see in scripture and what I understand, even in a physical, logical way, my husband and I, when we got married, we were both virgins. So, you know, when you're a virgin, your hymen is intact, and when you have sex for the first time, the hymen is broken, and that blood is spilled. And I explain it. When you look at the

Bible, as Christians, you look at the Old Testament, they had a blood covenant there. Okay. They, to get the forgiveness of their sins, they sacrificed animals and the blood was spilled then. Well, in the new covenant, when Jesus Christ came, it was a better covenant. Because no longer did you need the blood of animals, it's the blood of Christ. He is fully God, fully man. He is the perfect sacrifice. And through him, through that blood covenant, when you receive Christ, you have forgiveness of your sins.

In the same way, that whole like covenant, no union, oneness, those vows, but mainly covenant. happens when blood is spilled. What other situation is there naturally blood spilled? When you get married and you have sex for the first time, that blood is spilled. And you created a covenant, a blood covenant. There's no greater kind of covenant you can make than a blood covenant.

And when I, you know, when we got married and that happened, I am his wife. Like I created this contract not by paper, but by blood. And I'm his wife. And there's no paper.

There's no nothing that could separate us or, you know, destroy that oneness, that union, that covenant that we made. And so all these conversations, all this arbitrary, you know, well, what's marriage? Is it paperwork? What's this and that? Is it a ring? Is it a wedding ceremony? Like, we are so lost and confused as a society because, again, what are we like, I don't know, 40 years plus. we are decades after the sexual revolution where people don't know what marriage is,

you know, how to have a marriage, how to function as a husband and wife. And that breaks my heart. Because if we go back and look at like the 1950s before the sexual revolution, before feminism, just like came in and destroyed so many different things, men and women, even when they weren't like engaged, they didn't go have a ceremony. when a man has sex with a woman and you can look at the statistics up on this they usually ended up marrying each other so the first person they had sex with they married them and that was the norm back then you've heard of shotgun weddings where if the dad finds out you've had sex with you know if a dad finds out

that a man has had sex with his daughter he's like you better marry her you know you went that far you better take care of her if she's pregnant you better take care of her and then well that was also normal back then because people understood the gravity of sex it wasn't casual it's never ever casual it's heavy it has you know a high risk and a lot of consequences that can come with it and if a man loves or desires a woman that much to get her in such a vulnerable position you know for the very first time she's giving her all to a man you know he better carry that weight you know you may be a dad right now you could be a dad you better carry your weight and be a man. So what if you or your spouse or both of you is not a virgin?

How do you still create that marriage covenant without that, you know, symbolic blood being spilled? Right. I mean, it's very difficult. The only thing that I can see it actually making sense, like there are a lot of Christians who went through that life. They didn't know Christ. They did, you know, they went through that lifestyle. And then they come to Christ and they get married.

that is your covenant under Christ. You're getting married, you know, under his name. And that seals you together. It doesn't undo what has happened. There may be consequences, you know, still psychologically or whatever. But when you make a vow in Christ, that seals it. And you're forgiven also. So that just resets what, where you are spiritually. And I have a lot of, like, testimonials on my Instagram where a lot of women were feminist or atheists. It's called the Rip Feminism series. And you can see the change in just their photos alone if I didn't share the words that they sent

me. Wow. Yeah. It's a physical change when women leave that lifestyle. Yeah. You can see in their eyes, there's just darkness and, like, no life behind their eyes. and then afterwards they're just lit up and just full of life. I mean, I get goosebumps just talking about it.

And these women are real like born again biblical wives. And that's the difference also with the red pill trad wives versus actual born again trad wives. Is that the red pill, they kind of like use the Christian name and they kind of like talk about biblical gender roles. But they don't understand the gospel and they don't have the fruit of the gospel. They don't believe that women can be redeemed. Right. They believe that's when they say, they literally say things like,

Jesus doesn't love whores. Yeah. And we know, based on the gospel, that that is not true. Jesus does love the whore. He loves the girl that has 200 plus body count. But then part of accepting the gospel,

becoming bored again, actually being saved, is that then you are fleeing that lifestyle. You are making active changes, you know, with becoming saved. Right, you go and sin no more. And I mean, if...

And your sin, when you're actually saved, Jesus says, is as far as you, the east from the west, right? It's far apart from you. But these men that are, like, caught and trapped in this life and this men's mindset, that all women are evil or can never be better or flee from sin, they... Right. I mean, look at Mary Magdalene. Yeah. I mean, there's so many instances in the Bible, even the old and New Testament,

where a woman is, you know, live that lifestyle, you know, the old school only fans, or they were prostitutes, but they were convicted, they gave their lives to Christ, they were forgiven, and they changed their ways. So you got to look at the fruit. I mean, so you can't look at someone like on Twitter who's a wife who calls herself a trad wife and she says, I think Jesus for forgiving me. And then the next tweet is, what a whore, blah, blah, blah, attacking someone else. It doesn't show, that doesn't show the fruit of forgiveness because you would have compassion on the people who are still in that lifestyle that you were saved from you know you would be like there's a better way you know come to christ you can live a better way because i've i've lived that i know what it's like

it hurts it's painful it's empty it's hollow but you can come to christ here's the gospel it can be better than this not you're a ho and you know you're you were literally a hoe like a year ago Well, also, how many of these... By their own logic. How many of these guys that are obsessed with finding a girl that's a virgin is a virgin? That's my question. Because I see this all the time. I see this all the time.

And I tweeted about this the other day is that I cannot tell you how many times my early 20s, especially. I would go out with guys. And then after like two, three dates, you're like, ooh, you know, Alex? And these are Christian guys. You know what, Alex? Even though I'm a Christian, I don't think that I can wait till marriage. And I know that's what you want, but I'm not going to be able to date you because I can't wait that long. So I think it's just laughable.

So many of these men that are just so hung up on that. Like, I need a girl that's a virgin. Like, have you been willing to stay a virgin for your future wife? Because it's like a double standard. And this actually is the case with a lot of these guys. So I'm seeing there's so many bizarre sex takes that are coming out of the red pill manosphere, first of all. I'm seeing a lot of people say sex is only for procreation first and enjoyment

second and that a woman's orgasm is not guaranteed or necessary because it isn't necessary for reproduction. What do you think of this argument? Oh, good grief. And I'm guessing these people are not married. But they're saying if God, if a woman's orgasm was necessary, then God would have said like that's necessary for procreation. If sex was strictly for procreation, then husbands and wives would only be having sex like five days. a month because that's the only time where she's actually fertile and could get pregnant. So what about the rest of the month? The Bible says to, you know, do not deprive each other.

It says, do not deprive each other. So that means come together often. You have sex. Sounds really coming together often. Remove that. So the Bible tells husbands and wives to not deprive each other of sex, of intimacy. So if you're only having sex when she's fertile, which is only five days of the month, you're depriving each other. So that just completely destroys that argument. If they understood biology,

if they understood a woman's cycle, no, it's for pleasure. It's for a husband and wife's intimate, you know, connection. And yes, sometimes procreation happens with that, but also when she's pregnant nine months, does that mean they don't have sex because she can't get pregnant during that time? Yeah, good luck with that. Good luck with that. Absolutely not. It's a really weird, weird take. Red Pill Bros will say that cheating is a concept born from feminism and that men need to have children with multiple women so that they can fulfill their destiny as procreaters. Why is this flawed thinking? The people that say that they're not actually saying it from a place of wanting to be a good father. They're saying it out of wanting to just have a lot of sex, you know, just unriddled, you know,

No, no rules. Just have it all whenever you want. Because if you want to be a good father and you want to have these women, you want to have all these kids, well, you got to be there too. You got to be present. And I've heard of people saying you only need like two hours, I think, two hours a month with your kid as a dad. And that'll be enough.

Oh, please. And you know what else, Bernadine, is that all they do is complain about how all women are out to like get our money and all this kind of stuff, right? They don't have money. Well, and if you are having, let's say you have 20 different kids with 20 different women, so you want to, so the 20 child support payments that you're going to have every month, that's not draining your money? Yeah.

How in the world do you reconcile that? It's just very flawed thinking. And earlier you were talking about the whole virgin thing, like they want virgin wives. Okay, yeah, I get it. Like, that makes sense. But if you yourself are sleeping around and they will literally teach men how to take a, woman's virginity, multiple women a year, you know, multiple virgins a year or whatever. Right. You're literally destroying that from them. You're taking it from them,

exploiting it, and then moving on to the next thing. So how are men supposed to find virgin wives when these dudes are sleeping around and destroying that? Like, you're making it impossible. You know what I mean? It's just very hypocritical. You want this, but you're destroying it at the same time. I'm assuming that you saw this recent study talking about how high school boys are trending more conservative, whereas high school girls are trending more liberal. Now, people really shocked by this disparity, but as someone who's chronically online, it didn't shock me. What do you think about that statistic? I mean, I think that's in line with even older women, right? Older demographic of women. Unless a woman is married, she's leaning liberal a lot of the times, not all the time,

but that has been the trend for a long time. Like if you look at the 2016 statistics, unmarried women usually vote left in large, not 100%, but like a large chunk of them do. And so I don't think that's anything different. Younger women, older women, I think that women are exploited in the political sphere with the messages that are being portrayed out there. Manipulating our emotions to get us to vote certain ways. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think if you are. if you don't have a strong, like, faith, if you don't have a strong father figure or a strong, like, husband who actually leads, you can fall for these traps, you know, because they use our empathy to be like, oh, look at all these people, all these problems, look all these people are getting hurt. If you don't have children to be like, actually, that policy would hurt my children. So I'm going to put my children over, you know, animals or, I mean, immigrants. I mean, I don't know what I would say. Yeah. Basically, if you don't prioritize your family, you're going to fall for the propaganda that this is actually really good for you, but it's not. So I think young women, they are leaning more liberal because, you know, everything from abortion to LGBT, it's using their empathy to be like, what about the women who really needs an abortion?

Right. What about her life? You know, what about the couple who's a homosexual couple who's not getting equal treatment? They're being bullied. Like these are pain points that young girls are like, oh, that's so true. I want to help them. I want to, you know, meet their immediate needs. But they're not looking at the long-term effects of how these things could hurt society and families.

Everything you're saying, I mean, it's all on the tip of my tongue. And I know I can take the podcast here, but it just. wouldn't be, it would be so off topic for what this podcast episode is supposed to be. But, but it's something I want to do in the future for sure is everything you're saying really brings up this argument of, has it been a net negative or has it been a net positive allowing women to vote? Yeah. That is a huge can of worms. And it's a very, it's a very fascinating, um, deep dive and, and thought exercise. I, I, now I just want to put it out here that I, I, I don't think I'm convinced either way of like, I don't think I would have a problem with it, though.

I don't think I would have a problem if women did not vote and it was just, you know, your husband cast the vote on behalf of your family or something like that. I don't think I would have a problem with it. But this is a podcast episode I definitely want to do in the future. Yeah, let's do it. Okay, so would you say that the red pill manosphere hates Christianity? I think in a way, to a degree it does because it's going to tell. I'm like, you can do this, you can't do this.

It's going to hold them to moral standards that they don't want to live by. You know, like, adultery is wrong. Cheating is wrong. Fornication is wrong. Well, they don't want to abide by that. They just want to have a lot of women and have a lot of sex. They only believe and agree with almost half of Christianity is what it seems like to me because they want the woman.

They want women in this country to abide by all those rules, but they don't want to themselves. Right. Yeah. Yeah. because it's not just like, ooh, I'm a big bad alpha. I can do whatever I want. I can have a lot of women. You're actually responsible for their lives, like how they end up being, you know? So if you have a lot of children, well, how are they going to act? You know, how are they going to behave? What kind of adults are they going to be in the future? And if you're not there and if you're like sexually degenerate, they find out that you pimp out women and sell porn on the internet. What kind of children are you raising? What kind of structure in the home is that giving them, like, moms, one of 20 and they sell porn on the internet. Like, these kids are going to grow up and they're going to find out the reality of their

family structure and that's going to be very destructive to them and they may repeat the whole cycle all over again or they may go the complete opposite direction, but they're not thinking long term. And that's the difference with the Red Pill Manosphere and biblical gender roles is that biblical gender roles think about the family unit. We think about generationally. Like, how is this affecting our kids and our kids' kids? And another thing that the red pill manuscript doesn't have is an eternal perspective.

You know, they don't think about the long term or the afterlife effect of things. They just want to live for the now in the present moment. What do they get out of it? How does it bring pleasure to their lives? They're not thinking long term. You know, Christ is Lord and he will judge the living and the dead. And Christians, biblical generals, understand that. Like, that is the core of what we believe.

We don't just live for us. We don't just live for marriage. children, we live with an eternal perspective. And ultimately, everything we do is for the Lord. And everything we do is to point people to Christ. And that's the huge difference between the red pill and biblical gender roles. And, you know, it's just very sad because the red pill, I'll give them props. You know, they address the problems that men are facing. They empathize with their pain. You know, they'll talk about it. But then, their, quote, solutions, just leave them in a worse off situation.

Yeah. But men are clinging to it because they don't hear a lot of people talking about these issues in a very open, blunt way. And I think, you know, my husband and I have a background in church ministry. We've done youth ministry. He's done assistant pastoring, associate pastoring, whichever one of those are called. We've been in church. We've worked with churches.

and not all churches, but a lot of them kind of want to water things down. And we've seen the effects of that, the consequences of that. People are not going to church to find out, you know, the answers to the problems. They're going to church to feel good. Yeah. And they know. Which wouldn't you agree, you need to find a new church if every time you go to church, you just feel great after?

Yeah, absolutely. There has to be a, like, conviction there too. I agree. So not all churches. like I said, because I hate doing blanket statements. That's why I'm not in the Redville. But in the more recent years, a lot of churches have just basically been like, I don't want to talk about this because it's too spicy.

It's too controversial. It's a seeker sensitive movement. Yeah. And we're not talking about how men can be masculine and strong, how they can be good providers. Like, for a while, a lot of churches have also given off this feel that masculinity is toxic. They'll say it's not good to

focus on money or make money because that's greedy. You know what I mean? It's not good to focus on sex because that's lust. It's not good to want to have influence and impact people because you just need to be humble and you need to be

content with where you are. The thing is that men have drive. They have sex drives. They have a drive provide. They have a drive to make a change in the world, but they're not getting that encouragement from the church. Okay, what you're describing is exactly what Benny Johnson described last week on my podcast is he said, the reason that the Tate brothers have such an impact amongst young conservative men is because they are telling them exactly what the church isn't telling them, because men biologically, it's innate in them. They want to take hills. They want to accomplish. They do want power and things like that. And so the Tate brothers

are giving it to them, but it's not in biblical roots, whereas the church should have been saying, yes, all of those things within a family, within a marriage, do it this way with biblical roots. And then, you know, that's going to make you feel fulfilled as a man. So would you say that if we did that, that is how we would make men great again? Absolutely. And I didn't even know he discussed all that. That's amazing. That's awesome. Because, yeah, it's so true. if men are allowed to be men, if they're allowed to have that drive, if they're allowed to use their testosterone and make something out of it, you know, be productive and work hard,

then they would come back to the church. They wouldn't feel like they're bad for wanting sex. It's not lust. They wouldn't feel bad for wanting to work out. It's not vanity. You know, they wouldn't feel bad for wanting to make money. It's not greed. Like all those things are good.

And when they're done with a moral standard, yeah. They're very effective. they're very needed. But they're not really given permission to be masculine in a lot of churches right now. And I think, like you said, if churches were like, okay, we've, you know, hidden from these topics, we've tried to water it down, sugarcoat things. We need to talk about the hard things.

And we need to let men be men. We need to let men be men. Like stop feminizing or making the church effeminate. It's okay if you're not. crying during worship. It's okay if you don't look like the women in church. You can be a man in church. And we're going to help you do that. We're going to help you make the money, you know, work out, be healthy, you know, have a strong sex life in your marriage. There's nothing wrong with that. But we have to be willing to talk about these topics that are like, oh, can you talk

about sex in church? You know what I mean? Let's get over it and just talk about sex. God made sex and it's a good thing. If anybody's going to talk about sex, it should be Christians. because we know the God who created and designed sex. Right. And if you are new to this podcast and you've never listened to my Francie Winslow episode on having heaven in your bedroom, like God's design for what sex should be in a marriage, you will love that episode.

How would culture shift if more women saw their family as their greatest ministry? First of all, they would have a lot of peace in their life. Like, for me, this is actually something I experienced very heavily. I have always been driven to make a change in the world. I've always wanted to, you know, share the truth and tell people what can help them and change their lives like I'm doing today. But I felt like it had to be one or the other, you know. So when I was a newlywed and I had children, and I was changing those diapers and washing them. And washing those dishes, lest my husband be gay.

You know, I was deep in the trenches of motherhood and I felt like, wow, I'm not telling people about Jesus. I'm not doing missions. I'm not, you know, going out there and changing the world. I'm just changing diapers. I had this wrong mentality that it was one or the other that I, you know, gave up ministry to be a mom of 202. Like, there's no time for ministry. You didn't see how being home and changing. those diapers was in and of itself in ministry.

And I was, I personally went through that struggle. And, you know, when you have that idea that you're not serving God because you're not out there doing ministry, you start to like feel like, why did I get married? No, why did I have something? That's where the resentment comes. Yes, exactly. That's where the doubt creeps in and Satan tells you, ooh, your life would be so much better if you got a divorce.

Your life would be so much better if you were single and you had all these different options. You'd have fun again. Yeah, you wasted your life. You wasted your potential. Those are lies from Satan. Yeah. And I feel like back then when I was a young mom, so this was like 11 years ago when I had my newborn, our first newborn, there was an imbalance in the church where it was all about like

traveling and speaking and leading worship and writing books. There wasn't enough emphasis on the home and your husband and your children. Like it was so weird. I don't know why. It was like that. It was unfortunate that I became a mom in that atmosphere. But basically what happened for me after going through so much trouble and I was causing problems in my marriage because of that. I just told God, I don't know how to do marriage. Like,

I don't know how to do this. Show me, like, I give up. I'm not going to do it my way anymore. So show me. And then he showed me the scripture in Timothy, where it talks about what wives should be doing. And I can read it in a minute. But when I found this scripture, I was like, wow, like, I'm doing everything that I should be doing as a wife and mom. Like, this is first. This is a priority. And and this is the most important thing that I could be doing. It's not serving in children's ministry. It's not, like, dancing for worship on Easter. I mean, like, I always thought about the external stuff,

the stuff I could do out there. But when I saw the scripture, I was like, this is where the heart of the family is. This is the heart of the home, and this is my priority in everything else out there. It needs to nurture and benefit my family. You know, I don't need to be running away from home. You know, I don't need to be wishing I was single

and doing all these things my single friends were doing because I was like married and had a kid and my friends were still in college. Like I married early. I was 21. I had a baby by 22, another baby by 23. And my friends were like on their last year in college, you know. So I was feeling really alone and like I should be out there doing college, you know, getting a degree, getting a career or doing ministry. But I was at home.

But when I saw this scripture and Timothy, I was like, I'm right where I need to be. I'm trying so hard to get that unfiltered sunlight in the morning and evening. And I'm going to be honest with you, I am not doing a great job so far. But when I make it happen, I feel so great about myself. And it's usually when it's not too hot out. And I try to eat dinner on my porch. And I especially love when my dinner is made with American meat that is free. How is that possible?

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That's because no one else is Good Ranchers. Go to Good Ranchers.com slash Clark today and use my Code Clark for $25 off and $480 of free ground beef in your first two years. Remember, subscribe to any box to locking your price on America's best meat for two whole years as well. That's goodranchers.com slash Clark with Code Clark for, over $500 in savings or click the link in the show notes and use code Clark. Subscribe to Good Ranchers, American Meat delivered. So the verse is in Titus chapter two. It says older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior,

not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good. And so train the young women to love their husbands and children to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands that the word of God may not be reviled. So that emphasis on younger women, younger wives, love their husbands, you know, and their children to be self-controlled, to be working at home. Like I was like, wait, where's the part where, like, I'm supposed to be preaching the gospel in Africa and, like, writing books to sell to young Christians because my mind was only on that during that time.

it was like, wait, so if I love my husband, love my kids, and I'm busy at home, and home is like your family, right? If I'm busy at home and I'm focused on ministering to my family, that I'm like in the will of God. You're crushing it. You're crushing it as a wife. And that just sounds so dumb, but like that blew away in my mind because like now I don't have to pursue all these other kinds of ministries, which was what I was all about during that time. I'm right where God wanted me to be. So that was the script. right there. You think that we need to bring back stay-at-home daughters and stop expecting kids to move out of the house at 18. What is a stay-at-home daughter? Well, like, we have four

daughters, okay. We have one son, four daughters, and I want them to feel safe at home. I have a lot of students in my course that are working jobs, not because they wanted to, but because they had to, Right. So they were told to go to college. You have to get a job and work for yourself and live at, you know, have your own place to live, pay rent. And a lot of them are like, I didn't even want this. Like, I didn't want this. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have children. I think that's how most women feel. That's how most girls feel. And like, we just all feel like, I don't know. It's like so bad to say, admit that. Hey, hey, guess what? All this like career first stuff that the feminist, uh, we just all. This like career first stuff that the feminist, uh, convinced us to do like kind of a sucked yeah it's kind of not as fulfilling as y'all made it out to me yeah so a lot of them are like stuck in this position where they can't just move back home because they're not loud because now they're grown-ups with you know careers that they want to just be family oriented and i don't want like my daughters to be stuck in that position where they prioritize career when they really wanted to get married and so now they're like 10 years past you know

but what is your your idea is that we should let our daughters especially, even more so than sons, basically stay at home until they're getting married. That's when they first leave the house. Yeah, I mean, if they want to, like, absolutely want to, they can. But then I think a lot of parents today would feel like failures as parents if their kids are not out of the house pretty soon after college. I mean, if their kids are just like mooching off of them, then yeah, like I would not want my kids to be just watching TV all day, you know, they, my, my oldest daughter is 11, she already knows how to cook some things. Like she wakes up some mornings and just make scrambled eggs without me telling her.

And that's something I didn't know. Like, I didn't even develop these skills. You know, she actually likes to cook. She likes being with her sibling. She likes being home. She likes being with her family. And I think a lot of women, if they have a healthy, like, family dynamic, they would feel safer.

They would feel more secure in that kind of atmosphere. Instead of being kicked out at 18, you have to go to college. You better get your degree. Go into debt. get a career, pay your own rent, live by yourself. It's like, whoa, hold on. If they don't actually want that, why are you kicking them out of the house? They thrive in a home and relationship atmosphere with their family.

Is there such a thing as marriageable college majors for women and non-marigible college majors? I think so. I mean, I think if you're in a major that's like... Lesbian dance theory. there you go perfect probably not marriage material i mean because of women's biology there are some things that are just innately stressful to us you know and some people you know there there are women that don't fall in that category maybe they're maybe they're really good at science maybe they're really good at math that's great like there's nothing wrong with that but most women their biology

they need if you look at their cycle they need times to rest they need times to recalibrate and refill their cup and then there are other times where they're more social and they're go-getting, but we're not like men. We don't have that, you know, that 24-hour cycle. And so the corporate, the industrial revolution stuff, that's not really healthy for women. And so if we push women to take the same careers as men and to work the same, you know, kinds of fields as men do, where the men excel these things, but women are like, please do this career, you know, STEM,

is like trying to force women, trying to get more women to sign up for that. But there's naturally less women in STEM. Yeah. Because men are better at that. Their brains are created to be better at science and math and spatial, like, skills and things like that. Do you think as a whole, men are smarter than women? In things that men are good at, yeah. I mean, men and women are different.

They are equal in value, but they're different in design. So men are smarter in a lot of things. and women are smart and a lot of things. And that's the reason why they go together is because they have each other's strength and weaknesses and when they come together, they're stronger as a union, you know. What are the key differences between a traditional and a modern woman? A traditional woman is, I mean,

I want to talk about biblical traditional women because a traditional woman has a lot of things going for them, but specifically you're stronger at being family-oriented and things like that if you have Christ in your life. So you serve God, you have faith. You prioritize your family. So even if you're single, you know, you prioritize your parents and your siblings and your friends, your relationship focused. Whereas a modern woman is unfortunately just someone who's been raised by the media.

Very selfish. Very like me first. What makes me feel good? That's what I would think. Yeah. And they're misguided. So they don't have any like boundaries. They sleep around.

They do only fans. They have zero domestic skills. Like that's bad even just for them. You know what I mean? Like they think that their worth and their value and their identity depends on what they do in the world, not their relationships at home, not their faith in Christ. And that's a very dangerous thing to rely on because the world is constantly changing. You know what I mean?

You're going to be thrown around all the time because the world has all these different rules. and standards are what makes you a good woman. Where should single men and women start if they are serious about finding a spouse? They should start in churches. And one way to do that online as far as finding a traditional minded single person is actually through this app that we just started. So that's another thing. There are tons of dating.

An app that you and your husband started? Well, no. My husband and I are a part of it. Oh. It's specifically, its tagline is reject hookup culture and date to marry. Okay. What's the app called? It's called the courtship network.

Courtship. We'll put this in the show notes. We'll put this in the show notes. Yeah, I'll give you the link. So it's specifically for courtship. So you're dating to marry. And what is the difference between dating and courtship? Dating is basically like, oh, I'm going to see what happens.

You know, we're fooling around. We have sex. without strings attached. We don't really know if we want marriage or children in the future. Whereas courtship is like if we are not even, we don't even see a potential for marriage in the future, we're not even going to waste each other's time. Or, you know, you can get to know someone.

And the entire time you're vetting them for marriage, not, you know, for a hookup that's go sleep. Yeah. So the questions you might ask are different. If that's what your end goal is, you know, hookup versus marriage, the things you're going to talk to them about on a date are probably going to look a lot different. Right. And your priorities are different.

So, I mean, it's mind blowing, but you'll see it all the time online. And obviously it's rampant, like in college culture and things like that. People are literally just like they just meet somebody. They're making out. They're having sex. Like, what is the end game here? There's not an end game. It's just for pleasure. It's for in the moment. Whereas if you're courting, you don't want to be in a relationship with someone unless they also prioritize marriage and children in the future. So their finances look different. They're prioritized provision for their future family. You know, the wife is preparing herself for, you know, like what you're doing,

you are learning about pregnancy and you're learning about motherhood. Like how many women in the modern scene are even thinking about pregnancy and motherhood? They're not. You know what I mean? They just want to hook up and they just want to date around and find the hottest guy. Yeah, before we started recording, I was asking her, How long did you leave your kids an envelope a cord on? I don't think most modern women would ask questions like that.

But yeah, it's like, so that's my whole thing too, is when people are like, when people bring that up, I mean, especially the Red Pill type of people, they bring it up as a criticism of me. I must be secretly feminist. I'm not actually a conservative because I'm not married yet. And, you know, if you follow me and you've listened to other interviews of me and you know my heart and you know me, you know that that is not something that I've purposely done. just that hasn't happened in my life yet.

You know what I mean? We're all in God's timing. So that just hasn't happened yet. But in my single season, I have tried to do things like, you know, getting better at cooking and baking and learning all I can about birth and health and volunteering in my community with kids in foster care. Like all of those types of things that I do, I do that with the mentality of somehow this is going to help me, God willing, as a mother or.

a wife one day. Absolutely. And that's more than I can say for myself when I was single. Like, I didn't look up any of this stuff. Honestly, you're, you're on a good path because I didn't, that's not on my radar. Like, I'm going to do ministry. I'm going to, you know, do this stuff. But I had, like, default knowledge with natural birth because of my family history and all that. But I didn't love, I didn't prioritize like, how do I cook really good? Because I didn't have to. I was always gone. I wasn't home. I ate out or, you know, my mom. my stepmom would cook everything. So I didn't develop those skills. My husband will tell you, like the first couple of years were not that great eating with cooking. Like I had to develop that.

And he had to show grace. Yeah. And so like when you are marriage minded, you're already looking at yourself in the future. Like what's that going to look like? Even if you're doing things like this with a podcast, you know that you're going to be home with your family. You're going to want, you're going to want to cook for them. You want to educate your kids. You know, so you're learning about homeschool. You're learning about health and all of that. That's fantastic. Like those are the skills. and the knowledge that you're going to need in that season. And so, no, I don't think you're feminist at all. Thank you. If Bernadine says I'm not feminist, I will take it. Hey, you have an amazing online course for women. It's called Simply Smitten. What will we learn if we take it?

Simply Smitten. I designed that, I designed that course to give single women like the download of everything they need to know, like the very foundation, the very foundation, the best. basic of everything they need to know about biblical womanhood, like what does it actually look like, what character traits do I need to develop, what are men like, how do they think, how are men and women different, what is a healthy point of view and understanding of sex? There's so many things that I talk about even beauty and health and hygiene because, you know, for example, with the topic of sex, some women, even those that are Christian may think about sex and think, oh, you know, it's bad.

Like, it's, don't have sex before marriage, but then they subconsciously think sex is sin. But it's not. And so then it's hard for them to enjoy it within even the context of marriage. Right. And so we talk about that, like God created it. It's healthy. It's good in this context. You don't have to be afraid of it.

Oh, I talk about healing your wounds and unloading your baggage because there's so many, I mean, we just grew up in this world and we're like thinking these feminist thoughts that we didn't even filter or understand how to, you know, process these things. grew up with it, right? And so you need to take responsibility of your mindset and understand what do I really believe and think about men? What do I really think and believe about marriage? You know, do I actually have these negative thoughts because, you know, marriage is portrayed in the media like, it'll kill your life. It's so boring. Sex and marriage is dead. You know, what men are all pigs and men are all jerks and they'll, they'll mistreat you at the end of the day. They're all the

same. These things are like planted in our minds and we don't realize that it's actually affecting our view towards men and how we treat man and self-sabotaging single women because they don't they don't actually realize that they think that but they live it out but they can't see it and so there's one module just just all about that like unload the baggage what are you actually believing about these things and then you need to rewire that and think the way god um says about motherhood about marriage like the proper and healthy view of these things up and so it's like unloading all of this first, all this junk and gunk, and then putting things back in place and giving them a proper understanding. I mean, it's fantastic. I had one student. She really took it seriously.

I mean, she went through the workbook, like every single page. She didn't just spill out the line. She really thought about her answer for things. And she said she went through so much healing in the last year and that she's in a very healthy, like happy, their pictures together. So sweet. now and like they're planning to get married. And look how cool this is. You went into your marriage, Bernadine, thinking, all I'm doing is changing diapers. All I'm doing is sweeping the floor. And look, I'm not even doing a ministry or anything.

And like, look now. You know, you have this huge ministry with your family, five beautiful children. And the testimonies of these women who are taking your course and everything is incredible. What's the website that people can go to to take this course? You go to Embracingwoman.com. So that's singular on the woman. It's, you know, it's reference, it's referencing Genesis where, you know, God made woman and what that word means. And so Embracing Woman.com has all of my links, my course, my free masterclass, the courtship network, all of it is there. We see the attack on marriage and we hate it. You and your husband. Yeah. And my husband and I have experienced it as well. And so, you know, through the years, we've taken responsibility for what we believe and how we're hurting ourselves and our marriage and replacing the lies and putting in the truth.

We've personally seen the healing, just, I mean, that's a whole other podcast, but the healing that we've experienced in our marriage after we've done marriage God's way, after we've healed our own wounds, including my father wound. And, like, there was a point where we didn't know if we would make it. You know, we do this stuff now, helping other people, and it's not because we had everything right from the get-go. Yeah. It's because we went through some hell. And then we found the truth, and we are thriving more than ever.

And it would be so wrong for us to keep it to ourselves. You know, and that's why we do what we do. And I don't think God would have ever opened any of these doors for me if I hadn't learned from Titus first from, you know, the scripture in Titus, how to prioritize my family. first because I would have run off, you know, done all these things, resented my family that I couldn't do this night, 24-7, you know. But when God fixed my understanding and fixed my priorities, that's when all this other stuff started happening. And you post all of this on your Instagram. You have a great Instagram, great content. What is your Instagram for people to follow you? My Instagram is fearless. So I actually have two Instagram. My other one is Bernadine Bluntly, but I don't know.

You know how Instagram is. Experience a lot of censorship issues. I'm sure. I had to start all over again from scratch. And so I have two. But my main account that I actually posted now is fearless. Dot femininity. And you'll find my name there, Bernadine Bluntley.

My husband is Lawson speaks truth. So we're like blunt and truth. He's fired too. Yeah, blunt and true. That's our thing. And your husband has a great Twitter and Instagram where he posts on all this kind of stuff. You should encourage your boyfriends or husbands to follow Lawson. Absolutely.

Thank you, Bernadine, for coming on. on the spillover. Thank you for having me, Alex. She is so sweet. Definitely go follow her. I love her Instagram and I'm now going to be taking this course because, hello, I am a single woman who wants to be a traditional wife and learn all the things ahead of time. Isn't that like why I do all of these conversations? I'm obsessed with this kind of stuff. And it was really nice hearing that encouragement that, hey, even though Alex, you are in a season of singleness, the steps that you are taking to prepare to be a wife and a mother, like that's not wasted time. Like there's there is a reason that you feel called to do that and that you enjoy it and, you know,

that God has put that on your heart. So that was nice. And, you know, for those of us who feel crazy sometimes because we're like reading parenting books while our friends are all out at the club, hey, she just right there. She kind of told us like, thumbs up, keep doing what you're doing. So the spillover is back next Thursday at 9 p.m. Pacific, midnight Eastern, anywhere you get your podcast. You can also, of course, watch every single episode on YouTube. Just subscribe to Real Alex Clark. Next week, I am talking to a dad who is in the fight of his life. His child has been kidnapped, but not in the way that you and I traditionally would think of kidnapping. His child's gender has been kidnapped by the mother, and the mother is trying to essentially change the gender of the

child without the father's permission. It is an incredibly heartbreaking story and very important for us to listen to and that this stuff that we hear from the left, you know, that nobody's actually trying to transition minors. That's not a real thing. It is a real thing. And this father's story is one of many that is happening not only in the United States, but across the world. So that will be anywhere that you get your podcast next Thursday, 9 p.m. Pacific,

midnight Eastern or on YouTube. Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe to Real Alex Clark. Also, if this episode touched you today, please leave a five-star review that really helps us out. I'm Alex Clark and this is the spillover. Love you mean it. Bye.