Dissect - S10E4 - BOYFRIEND / RUNNING OUT OF TIME by Tyler, The Creator

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Our season-long analysis of Tyler, The Creator's IGOR continues with "BOYFRIEND" - a song released as the fourth track only on the physical versions of IGOR - before breaking down the beautiful ballad "RUNNING OUT OF TIME." Shop Season 10 merchandise here. Follow us on TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter. Host, EP, Writer: Cole Cuchna Writer: Camden Ostrander Audio Editor: Kevin Pooler Theme Music: Birocratic Recreations: Andrew Atwood Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From Spotify, this is Dissect, long-form musical analysis broken into short digestible episodes. This is episode four of our season-long examination of Tyler the creator's Igor. I'm your host, Cole Kushner. Last time I Dysect, we examined Igor's third track, I Think. There we heard Tyler falling, both falling in love and collapsing, as he struggled to express his feelings to his crush, fearful of being abandoned or scaring him away. We also heard Tyler grow increasingly frustrated with the lack of communication from the guy in general.

forcing him to guess if the feelings are mutual. I think then ended with a beautiful piano outro that transitions directly into Igor's next track, the interlude exactly what you run from, you end up chasing. Exactly what you run from, you end up chasing. Like you can't avoid, but just chasing it and just like trying, giving it everything that you can is always an obstacle. Like every transition from song to song on the album thus far,

the end of I-think blends seamlessly into the start of the interlude. In this instance, Tyler uses instrumentation and harmony to thread the tracks together. Both prominently feature the piano, and so when we hear the last chord of I-think, followed by the first chord of the interlude, it feels like the natural continuation of the chord progression. Almost immediately, we hear the voice of comedian, writer, and director Gerard Carmichael, who enters as the album's narrator or guide. We'll hear from Carmichael intermittently throughout Igor and,

brief but potent quotes that help advance the narrative and signposts thematic concepts being explored. Tyler's creative relationship with Drod Carmichael is somewhat extensive at this point. Tyler composed music for Drod's HBO special home videos. D'rod was a consulting writer on Odd Future Show Loiter Squad, and D'Rod was enlisted as the interviewer in Tyler's official self-produced flower boy interview. While the two seem close and clearly admire each other's work, it's possible that Tyler specifically chose D'rod as Igor's narrator because he's had personal experiences similar to those addressed on the album, namely grappling with his own sexuality and the difficulty

of communicating it to those around him. In his most recent special Rothaniel, D'Rod publicly came out as gay while sharing the difficulty of doing so with his family, and even himself. He said, quote, my ego wants to rebel against it. I rebelled against it my whole life. I thought I'd never, ever come out. At many points, I thought I'd rather die than confront the truth of that, to actually say it to people, because I know it changes some people's perceptions of me. I can't control that. As we'll come to see, Girard's own difficulty in communication and self-acceptance serve as an app parallel to the struggles centered in Igor's narrative,

making his presence on the album a perfect thematic match. He begins by stating, exactly what you run from, you end up chasing. First, we notice the continued development of Igor's movement or travel motif, be it riding, skating, dancing, shaking, falling, and now running and chasing. But now we get insight into what keeps Tyler in such constant motion. he's going around in circles, chasing the thing he's running from. This ironic loop actually foreshadows the entire structure of the album's narrative.

But in this moment, it feels like a description of the dynamic between Tyler and his crush, evoking their hesitancy or inability to articulate their feelings to each other. There's an implicit fear in the concept, as running from something is to avoid it, yet the feelings are persistent and become unavoidable, and the very thing you feared actually becomes the desired destination. Drod continues saying, like you can't avoid, but just chasing it and just trying, giving it everything that you can. There's always an obstacle. This seems to comment on Tyler's current efforts of winning this guy over, while the vagueness of obstacle allows for multiple considerations.

In Tyler's view, the immediate obstacle might be the guy's girlfriend, which in a narrative sense seems symbolic of the guy's fear of deviating from heteronormativity and all the potential consequences of doing so. While Tyler seems ready to give his crushes all, the guy is clearly conflicted, and thus another obstacle that will appear in the next song is time, that it's running out. But before getting to that song, we have to acknowledge that the interlude we just heard is actually taken from a full-length song called Boyfriend that was cut from the streaming version of Igor. Luckily, Tyler included the track on the physical release, placed fourth in the track list, replacing the exactly what you run from, interlude. This feels natural, no substitute not one.

Can't buy you the world, but my time is your. Let you roll the dice, but I've made my choice. Now, while we aren't doing a full dissection of boyfriend, it is worth running through the song and pulling out some of its more relevant lyrics, beginning with the intro we just heard performed by Charlie Wilson. After praising how natural his love for his crush feels, Tyler, through Charlie Wilson, says, I can't buy you the world, but my time is yours. Time here is offered as Tyler's most valuable possession.

It's a similar analogy he made on I think when he said, Waste of bread, I need your attention. If time is money and bread is slaying for money, then without this guy's attention, Tyler's time is wasted. He then contrasts his own certainty with his crush's ambiguity, saying, I'll let you roll the dice, but I've made my choice. In this game of chance, Tyler's put his money down. He's ready to commit despite the risks.

Meanwhile, his crush rolls the dice, his indecisiveness compared to the uncertainty of a dice roll. Like the flip of a coin, it's little more than a guess. He's leaving things to chance. Before the drums kick in, a pitched up Tyler says, Baby, you gotta understand, ain't no time to play these games, you hear me? Calling back to his crush rolling the dice, Tyler once again urgently emphasizes the value of his time and grows frustrated about wasting it on games of chance. Meanwhile, the lack of communication between these two continues with Tyler asking,

You hear me, once again implying a disconnect between them, an obstacle causing interference. Then we hear the beginning of the tracks refrain, as Tyler interjects between the artist Santa Gold chanting, hey, hey, and say, say. He begins, that shit is money now, once again relating time and money, perhaps attempting to convince this crush that this isn't a game of chance. Their love is easy money. It's a certainty. He continues, we getting funky, fuck what they say, we should be together. Importantly, Tyler here says, fuck what they say,

confirming our suspicions that at least part of his crush's hesitancy is the fear of outside judgment and persecution about being in a same-sex relationship. Tyler's steadfast readiness to commit, to give it everything he has, is then continued into the song's hook.

Tyler articulates his desires as clearly as possible, repeating over and over, I want to be your boyfriend. Between this refrain, he interjects, I'm trying to be more than a friend. My heart's on the run because you are the one. They don't understand. Once again, Tyler is clearly developing motifs, as my hearts on the run continues the running motif, while they don't understand, is another implication that fear of outside judgment is an obstacle on the road this relationship is running on.

Tyler closes out the chorus saying, Cuban link with the hand and tell you what's up, but it's damaging cuz, we the same. Cuban link with the hand seems to use chain links and jewelry to imply his desire to hold this guy's hand, a classic symbol of togetherness and done most often in public, showing Tyler's willingness to formalize this bond despite the potential of persecution. Meanwhile, the final couplet, and I tell you what's up, but it's damaging cuz, seems to imply that Tyler's formal request of being his boyfriend hasn't actually happened in real life.

As we heard on both earthquake and I think, Tyler is hesitant to express his desires due to a fear of abandonment, of pressuring the guy and having him run away. Thus, they are destined to dance around the topic, each of them harboring fear and running in circles. I invested too much time. You need to be between the lines. The top of the shit running. Between repetitions of boyfriend's refrain, Tyler inserts a brief bridge saying, I invested too much time, I done spent all my money. It's the third time on the song Tyler has related time and money. The use of the word invested once again implies his commitment,

as opposed to his crush's gambling. Tyler's resources are depleted, the running out of time. And thus Tyler requests, you need to read between the lines. The topic tends to sit funny. While Tyler has made his feelings clear in the song, they aren't as clear in real life,

as any formal discussion of the relationship is damaging and tends to sit funny. So Tyler asks him to read between the lines, which is to comprehend based on implication as opposed to things explicitly stated. As we heard in I Think, the gray area and lack of communication leads Tyler to frustration,

which is reflected in the song's outro section. With a piano chords of the intro return, Charlie Wilson sings backup vocals, and Tyler sings two lines simultaneously in stereo, one panned left, one panned right. To close out the song, Tyler crafts a homophonic couplet that can be heard two ways.

In the left speaker, he repeats, guessing, don't be guessing. While in the right speaker, he repeats, I've seen all of your car. This caps off the song's gambling motif and the crush's indecisive guessing. The phrase, I've seen all of your cards, is a play on the poker phrase, show your cards, which has come to mean making one's intentions or ideas known to others, especially those previously kept secret.

Tyler's implying an intimacy between them and his knowledge of the complete version of this person otherwise kept hidden from the world. However, the official lyric sheet of boyfriend transcribes these lyrics as, Don't Be Gassing Me Up, I've seen all of your cars. This hearing of the couplet aligns perfectly with Igor's travel motif. While the meaning of I've seen all your cars feels the same as cards, don't be gassing me up expresses more of Tyler's frustration, sick of being let on with empty compliments that go nowhere.

Tyler wants to get to the place, to reach the destination. He wants to be his boyfriend. Exactly what you run from, you end up chasing. Like you can't avoid, but just chasing it and just like try. giving it everything that you can. There's always an obstacle. The tail end of Boyfriend contains the interlude we hear presented

on track 4 of Igor. And surprise, surprise, the end blends seamlessly into the beginning of the album's next track, the subject of the remainder of our episode today, Running Out of Time. Running Out of Time was written and produced by Tyler Okonma, with additional background vocals provided by Jesse Wilson.

The song features Beautiful Harmonies first heard, on a choir synth pad. These chords are juxtaposed against the grimy distorted bass we've heard so much of on the album. In the hands of most artists and producers, a slow ballad like this would feature smooth, pleasant instrumentation in its arrangement. The fact that Tyler chose not only to include the distorted bass in his ballad, but actually make it a prominent feature, shows his commitment to the album's dichotomy of the beautiful and the ugly, creating musical cohesion across the project.

It's choices like these that make a dance song like I Think and a ballad like Running Out of Time sound related, speaking the same musical language. Tyler adds a few other instruments to the mix, including a gorgeous arpeggiated synth that scales up and down the chords and the progression. Throughout the track, we also hear various rhythmic hits of a vocal sample. While it's a little hard to tell, the sample is actually saying run, tying into the song's title and running theme. It's sourced from the 1986 song Hit It Run by Run DMC. Now when Tyler enters running out of time to perform the song's chorus, his voice is once again pitched up, and in the context, In the context of this ballad, the high, almost adolescent vocal texture accentuates the vulnerability of his message.

The first time Tyler performed the song live, he provided a backstory about its conception, discussing his choice to sing these parts himself rather than totally outsource them to other vocalists. I'm not the best singer in the world, but all the music I like and want to make is just fucking musical and melody and shit. That's what I like. I know I'm not the best singer, but a friend of mine and Kendrick was a... I played it some stuff and he said, oh, this shit is just feeling. Like, feeling. Like, you weren't worried about the technical being perfect with your vocal.

It was actual emotion. And when he said that, it was like, oh, shit, you're right. That's why I don't try to always get people to sing my... Sometimes I'm just like, fuck it, I'll sing it because someone else can't really sing my truth and what I'm trying to say. So I got it out, and I wrote this song basically. about that. I made it in the middle of an Aesap Ferg section in New York.

We was making hard shit and he took a break and I just kind of made this. It goes like this. Tyler's emphasis on feeling is heard as he sings, Running out of time, running out of time, running out of time. The repetitions of the phrase add immediacy to his plea. Soon there's a response to his call, To Make You Love Me, sung in harmony with singer Jesse Wilson.

As alluded to on I Think and Boyfriends, Time is Tyler's most precious resource. He seems ever aware of the grains of sand relentlessly passing through the hourglass of our lives, making the ambiguity of this romance a dire situation. Time is always running, and Tyler is struggling with the fact that he can't stop the clock, nor can he control whether or not his crush loves him back. Instead, he's at the whim of both time and his crush. The obstacle, as Drod put it, is both romantic and existential,

expressing that all-too-relatable frustration with the things in life we cannot totally control. and the feelings of inferiority and insecurity that often accompany rejection. Recall that back on Igor's theme, running was actually the first word we heard Tyler say on the album, likely because it represents so many of the album's themes simultaneously. If Tyler's pursuit of his crush is akin to running, be it a marathon or a political election, Tyler's losing the race. His crush isn't voting Igor. Tyler prefaces what we might consider a verse with one word,

Secrets. Perhaps on its own it'd feel ambiguous, but within the context of Igor and what we know about this fumbling relationship, Secrets is concise commentary on the lack of communication between Tyler and his crush, the feelings they are both withholding from each other. Tyler continues, Oh, you spin my head around, I've been looking for it. The play here is that Tyler's lost his mind, made dizzy by his crush, losing his sense of direction. It continues his general disarray, from the shaking of earthquake to the off-balance and falling of I-think. During this moment we hear a car zooming by, quickly panning from the right speaker to the left back to the right, reflecting how Tyler's head is spinning. It's an extremely clever moment. Not only

does it cause us the same kind of disorientation Tyler's expressing in this moment, but specifically using a car sound to accomplish this continues the vehicle motif we've tracked ever since Igor's theme when he is riding around town, feeling this one. It also bonds the ideas of running and driving into a larger motif of movement and travel. It's small details like this that reveal Tyler's intentional development of different motifs throughout the album. The line I've been looking for stands out in that Tyler is looking for himself. He's literally looking for his head.

He's lost himself amidst the intensity of his infatuation and the emotional turbulence caused by the uncertainty of whether or not the feelings are mutual. It expresses that uncomfortable level of vulnerability when your emotional equilibrium is at the whim of your beloved. This idea is even found on the album cover, where Tyler's head has been separated from a photo, lost in the overwhelming pink of love. This brief three-line verse is then completed when Tyler sings, I've been running out of spells to make you love me. Again, he's thinking of love as something he can force, but it's running out. This mentality is revealing itself to be untenable. The use of the word spell feels very intentional, evoking magic and sorcery typically

associated with villains like Maleficent and Sleeping Beauty. It cleverly foreshadows the next song New Magic Wand, where Tyler or Igor will turn heel, using a magic wand or gun that will eliminate his crush's girlfriend. Now as the verse continues, Tyler's vocals actually drop out completely, and taking the lead is a new synthesizer playing a gorgeous, sweeping, ascending melody, which then deflates into a long, lonely descent back to where it began. This is one of the small details on the album that exhibits so much of Tyler's musicality, specifically his ear for melodic moments that express precisely the emotions he's conveying. As someone who's formally studied and composed orchestral music myself,

this moment really captures Tyler's orchestral approach to his arrangements. In orchestral music, it's not uncommon for certain instruments or melodic lines to abstractly depict emotions, characters, or moments in a storyline. And to me, Tyler's sweeping ascending melody at once captures his infatuation, quite literally getting swept off his feet, while the long descent feels like the lonely turmoil fell. in the aftermath of this relationship going nowhere. The fact this melody is only heard once,

and the vocals are cut short to allow it to become the centerpiece of the verse is such a symphonic flourish. Just listen to the same melody played on a more traditional orchestral instrument, the clarinet. And now that we've discussed it at length, let's listen to this passage again, appreciating the absolute beauty of this moment. Gorgeous, right?

And it only gets more beautiful from here, as running out of time transitions into one of the more special passages of the entire album. We'll dissect that and the rest of the song right after the break. Welcome back to dissect. Before the break, we took a moment to appreciate the beautiful synth melody heard midway through running out of time's first verse. As the song continues, the chord progression changes and Tyler performs one of the more moving sections of the album. During this section, the chord progression is now played on a Rhodes keyboard instead of a choir patch, but the distorted bass remains, creating continuity between the parts.

This section's unique, slightly rough around the edges arrangement, might obscure its beauty for some, and because of this, I want to play this section on solo piano, where its elegance is a little more transparent. Set to this beautiful music are the lyrics, wade in your waters, your waves wash over me. I drift to the deep end. It's not hard to understand why Tyler might compare his crush to a body of water, as it's something that is beautiful, blissful, and in the context of a baptism, even divine, while simultaneously being a place of life-threatening danger. The waves washing over Tyler expresses the power of his crush overtaking him, directing his life,

pulling him to the dangerous deep end. The symbolism of this moment is heightened by the specific phrasing, as Wade in Your Waters evokes the classic spiritual, wade in the water, created and first sung by enslaved Africans in the United States. Wade, way, children, wade in the water, gods are going to trouble the water. Like many spirituals composed by the enslaved, Wade in the water alludes to a biblical story, specifically the Israelites crossing the Jordan River to freedom.

It's believed that the song was utilized during the Underground Railroad as a coded way to direct the enslaved seeking freedom to walk the rivers so that tracking dogs and slave catchers couldn't track their footprints or scent. While it's unclear whether Tyler was purposely referencing this classic spiritual, there are parallels in his use of water as a sacred, liberating symbol and purporting the feeling of this love as a religious or divine experience. He then continues, Don't save me, it's a low tide, I'll be fine,

I found peace in drowning. While Tyler admits that ultimately the heartbreak of this relationship will damage him, he's attempting to soak in every last moment of bliss, rationalizing that the emotional danger isn't that bad, even though he knows it is. The admission of drowning ties into the central theme of running out of time, as one can only stay underwater for a limited time before drowning. It's also a conceptual match to the repeated word secrets that bookended the first verse,

As to drown is to remain submerged, just as secrets are submerged. Tyler seems to be intentionally creating a thread of secrecy and danger. The idea that you can't hide yourself from the world forever, or else you die. There's a world in which Tyler and his crush learn to swim and breathe, where both are comfortable with themselves and live freely and openly, the judgment of the world be damned. But Tyler recognizes that this isn't going to happen. They're running out of time, and thus finding peace and drowning feels incredibly tragic.

It insinuates that Tyler recognizes the futility in the relationship and is cherishing the final embers of this dying fire, even if it means he'll get burned. Peace and drowning also plays off the actual experience of drowning. According to pathologists and near-drowding survivors, the initial panic of realizing your drowning is quickly replaced with a feeling of peace and euphoria. Finally, drowning relates to the sonic motif of heavy breathing on the album, which we actually hear as running out of time continues. During this section, the distorted bass is removed from the mix, leaving just a Rhodes keyboard to play the chords alone, bringing the track to its lowest point dynamically. Tyler asked directly, Are you living and pretend? Given the context of the relationship dynamic to this point, we assume Tyler is confronting his crush about their time together, wondering if it's some temporary, escapist fantasy land where Tyler is little more than a toy that will be tossed aside when playtime is over. But perhaps more potently, the idea of love.

living and pretend also refers to his crushes public sexual identity and his inability to live fully in his truth. In both scenarios, Tyler continues to push for realness, saying, keep it a buck 50. It's a play on the expression, keep it 100, which means to be truthful and authentic, so Tyler's 150 is a request to keep it realer than real. There also seems to be added significance to the numerical value here. If two halves or 50s represent 100 or a buck, then a buck 50 would represent three people, a fitting symbol for the three-person love triangle of Tyler, his crush, and his crushes girlfriend. Musically, the low of this brief section allows for the high of the next section, where suddenly drums enter for the first time, along with a number of new synthesizers.

This section is another standout moment of the album without vocals, as Tyler lets the music alone soar, taking what was up to this point a ballad and transforming it into a driving, danceable groove. But like a firework that suddenly explodes before quickly receding, the section ends after just eight bars, never to be heard again. And what follows as a moment that Tyler is extremely passionate about.

Here's what he tweeted about the section we're about to hear shortly after the album was released. Quote, The Wade in Your Waters, Don't Saves, and core percussion behind the rap verse on running out of time is the most potent version of what I like about music. Take your mask off.

Stop lying for these niggas. Stop lying to yourself. I know the real you. I love when they fall, and they lose the costume. You need to chill. Okay. We're running from the target's in the back in the day.

And now they're ruck in the R. Now the track of the dog. Hacking the fool, hacking the ball. We're packing a park. Y. But I'm still running. This task off section is incredible. Bro, with the rap, but it still has the harmonies under it?

That's my favorite. Because the song feels like running out of, like, it's, it's, oh, it's just some pop song. Like, it doesn't have me until that part, it's like, oh, no, this song is about something. Like, it's, and I put the, I reput the vocals from the first part under that just so, oh, those vocals have meaning to them, too. It's, yeah, all related. Given what we know about Tyler, it's not hard to understand why he be so proud and passionate about this section, as it juxtaposes rap and that distorted bass against what feels like a 90s R&B ballad, complete with finger

snaps, beautiful chords played on a Rhodes and soulful background vocals. Like so much of his music, it's a composition and arrangement that only Tyler Ocona can make, as it synthesizes so many of his diverse influences. And it once again presents the dichotomy of the beautiful and the ugly,

the sound that Tyler has been attempting to synthesize for ages. It's all feeling, it's just what my ear gravitates to. And it's either always, since day one, I've always wanted to make the prettiest shit. That's borderline boring or the hardest fucking shit. And I've been trying to mix those together since my first album, literally. The hardest shit and the prettiest shit.

Now in that same tweet about running out of time, Tyler compared this section to Stevie Wonder and Take Six, a six-piece a cappella gospel group prominent in the late 80s and 90s. Tyler could have been specifically thinking of the song, Can't Imagine Love Without You, a collaborative track between Wonder and Take Six, which also features finger snaps, backing vocals, and the kinds of chords Tyler typically loves.

Now, as Tyler stated in the interview clip we just heard, he put the wade in your waters and don't save's backing vocals behind his verse to reinforce the meaning of what's being wrapped. While subtle, I think Tyler, Tyler is pushing back against the general perception that rapping is somehow incapable of expressing deep, vulnerable sentiments, that those deeper emotions are best expressed with sung melodies. But Tyler clearly sees the two on the same level. He quite literally fuses them together on this verse he loves so much. And fittingly, it's during this rap verse that we get Tyler's most direct,

articulate expression of his feelings on the album thus far. Aside from the word secrets, it's also the first time we hear his natural, unaltered voice on the song. Tyler's mask is off, and he begins by commanding his crush do the same. Quote, Take your mask off, I need her out the picture. Take your mask off. Stop lying for these end words. In terms of the album's narrative,

this feels like a significant moment. As we previously discussed, the lack of communication between these two has been a significant obstacle and this relationship progressing. Tyler had been afraid to express the way he feels for fear of abandonment, that his true feelings would scare away his crush.

While the crush has been afraid to express how he feels due to his fear of outside judgment and his own discomfort of having feelings for another man. Relating to the concepts of secrecy and drowning explored earlier, a mask continues the idea of submerging or hiding parts of yourself with the hope that doing so will enable you to more comfortably function in the world that you fear. Traditionally speaking, the mask is a potent symbol for identity and all that it encompasses, sexuality, gender, race, all of which we've seen be obstacles in the development of this love.

Romance and connection is complicated enough on its own, and it's a tragedy the way expectations and tradition around identity stifle and complicate love even further. The expectations of gender seem to play a role specifically in these lines, as Tyler wants this girl at the picture. While he's specifically talking about the crush's girlfriend, symbolically eliminating the woman feels like an attack on the expectations of heteronormitivity, that if his crush didn't have to fear persecution and judgment about deviating from it, if he wasn't forced to wear the mask of a traditional relationship, this love between them would flourish. This idea continues with Stop Lying for these N-words.

The wording here feels intentional. The crush is lying for the sake of others, keeping the truth submerged in secret. Tyler's use of N-word seems like a casual use to generally mean guys, encapsulating pressures for men to present as stereotypically masculine, and the potential ridicule and peer pressure if you don't. Tyler then really prods beneath the surface when he says, Stop lying to yourself.

I know the real you. Halloween ain't for a minute. Lose the costume. In other words, Tyler knows the truth. He sees through the secrets. He knows what's behind the mask. He's seen him without the costume. The idea of lying to yourself about your sexuality seems like a common experience for queer people.

We recall Gerard Carmichael's words from his Rothaniel special we read earlier, quote, I rebelled against it my whole life. I thought I'd never, ever come out. At many points, I thought I'd rather die than confront the truth of that to actually say it to people, because I know it changes some people's perceptions of me. The topic was also addressed in Bailey Calfi's piece, why it took so long to come out to myself, where she wrote about the difficulty of coming to turns with her sexuality and unlearning years of social programming.

Quote, due to my religious Southern upbringing, it took me a long time to shake the idea that being straight is not the only acceptable sexual orientation, despite the fact I have found people of every gender attractive. I spent a long time lying to myself about my feelings, trying to convince myself they weren't real, and that I would never actually act on them, that I would only date guys. And the truth is, I wanted to believe my own lies. It was easier to shake off my feelings for girls and non-binary people than to question my own identity. It was a warped form of positive thinking, like I was the secreting my way into not being bisexual. I was still holding on to the homophobic ideology I had grown up hearing, and by telling myself I was straight,

I was subconsciously trying to promote an identity of being someone I thought who was quote-unquote normal and acceptable. I had never considered that part of my coming out process would be coming out to myself. I didn't know the voice in my head could lie to me about something so central to my identity, unquote. In Tyler's brief but potent, stop lying to yourself, I know the real you, would get a sense that he's tapping into this complex internal psychology and the messy untangling of years of societal indoctrination. And perhaps Tyler's able to recognize this and is crushed because he himself went through a similar untangling.

In our analysis of Skum-Fuck Flower Boy for season four of this podcast, we followed Tyler's journey of self-acceptance and understanding, which is perhaps most overtly captured in the song Garden Shed. It's here that Tyler compared his closeted attraction to men to a garden shed, essentially an outdoor closet. Garden shit, Garden shit, Garden shit for the Godinian. That is where I was high dean. That was where love I was in. Ain't no reason to pretend. Garden Shed, Garden Shed, Garden Shed, Garden Shed for the Gossoms and feelings that I was gone in.

garden shed, we get a sense that Tyler had been lying to himself for years. He sings, Garden Shed, that was where I was hiding, that was real love I was in, ain't no reason to pretend. And later he sings, truth is, since a youth kid, thought it was a phase, thought it'd be like the phrase, poof, gone, but it's still going on. Big fan of the beige tan, Pocodot knows how it goes, had to keep it on the sublifer. A couple butterflies want to float, but I was always like, eh, barely interested, but bagged just to brag to my boys, like brough. The latter line here finds Tyler admitting to having relations with women, despite his disinterest, just to fit in with his friends, perhaps even feeling internalized pressure to prove he wasn't anything other than

straight. It feels like a similar scenario to his crush, or at least that's Tyler's reading of the situation, a reading informed by his firsthand experience with the same pressure as his crush is facing. And perhaps Tyler is pushing him so hard because he knows what's on the other side of living in your truth. As he continues, you need to chill, okay, been running from the targets and I'm back in the day, and now they're working their all, another track out the daw, acting a fool, acting a ball, we pack in the park. The command you need to chill seems directed at Tyler himself, perhaps being too pushy or forceful in his request that his crush suddenly overcome his reservations

because Tyler himself is ready, or feels like he's invested too much time into a potential dead end. Tyler responds okay, but then gives insight into what he's had to deal with and why he feels the mask needs to come off, saying, been running from the targets and him back in the day. Here we get another reflection in the prism of the running motif, as Tyler describes running from targets in his past. It feels like he's referring to the discrimination, judgment, or humiliation he faced, and his attempts to run to safety. In the context of this verse and conversation, it's likely part of this was running from himself. He continues, and now they

work in their all, another track at the DA. Here, DAA is the abbreviated name for digital audio a workstation, which is essentially a computer program used to create music in, like Pro Tools or Logic Pro. We might wonder if Tyler means that while those targets he ran from are now working their all or spending all their time working 9 to 5s, Tyler lives freely in his truth, making music for a living. This would make sense given the next line, acting a fool, acting a ball, we packing the park. The park here could be a literal public park where Tyler and his friends goof around outdoors, alluding to the freedom and leisure he enjoys. Or if we join the successive ball and park, he could be referring to a ballpark or stadium, like the ones Tyler

packs with his camp Flognaw music festival. Within the scope of this verse, it seems Tyler's inviting his crush to partake in this freedom and lifestyle he enjoys. Ultimately, though, he ends the verse with a reality check, but I'm still running out of time. As much as Tyler imagines a life with this crush, the situation is unchanged, and he still fears the threat of losing this love to circumstances beyond his control. With beautiful descending harmonies, Tyler tax on a few extra chords to the progression, bringing the part to a natural close, like a clock winding down. But in a somewhat surprising move, Tyler returns to the musical material from the song's beginning,

only this time without vocals. Notice how the arpaciated synthesizer pans rapidly back and forth between the left and right speakers, once again spinning our heads around. This outro allows us, like Tyler, to savor the final few moments of beauty, dizzyed but blissful before time runs out once and for all. Conclusions. In conversation with Kerman Frost, Tyler revealed that Running Out of Time

was in his top three favorite songs on Igor. What was your favorite song on my album? On Igor? Yeah. New Magic Juan. I love that song. And then second will probably be, I think. I'm sure.

And then running out of time. It's not hard to understand why the song would be a favorite. It's gorgeous, musically unique, and above all, succinctly captures the tragedy of love's fragility and its vulnerability to circumstances beyond our control. As much as Tyler might attempt to force this relationship into existence, as much as he's giving it as all and trying, as Gerard put it, the obstacles of any developing love are vast and complex. His crushes resistance to his own sexuality inhabits a myriad of factors

that include human histories and tolerance of identity expression, and the psychological complications borne from such intolerance. Tyler's frustration with the situation is complicated by his own experience with insecurities about his sexuality, and understanding firsthand the freedom on the other side of that fear. Seeing himself in his crush is almost as if Tyler is confronting his past self, as he finds himself chasing the very thing that he once ran from, frustrated now by the knowledge that had they met in a different time,

when his crush is more comfortable with who he is, is, the love between these two flower boys would have a chance to bloom. And this brings us to what I believe is really at the heart of running out of time, the beauty and tragedy of timing. As much as we might romanticize notions like true love waits, the reality seems to be that when two people's journeys converge matters as much or more than any other factor in the development of love and connection. Indeed, we often describe true love as impenetrable, invincible,

but what it takes to find that kind of love can at times seem impossible. The infinite intersections of circumstance, history, environment, and personality create an incomprehensible maze whenever two people meet, the complexity of which can feel impossible to navigate together successfully. This is also complicated by time itself, and the fact that we only have so much of it here. How long should we wait for someone who may never change? How much of our finite time do we gift them? It's all of this that makes romantic love at once tragic and miraculous. tragic because the odds seem disproportionately skewed toward heartbreak, and thus miraculous when

love actually does work out to the very end of our time here. It's the reason we ought to cherish love whenever we're lucky enough to hold it, and give it our all and try despite the obstacles and dead ends. In running out of time, we can feel Tyler realizing this love might be falling victim to timing. We feel him beginning to mourn the loss of a love that never was, grieve a dream that will never be. We feel him reckoning with the crushing, gut-wrenching experience most of us have had at least once in our lives, feeling unloved by the one you love the most. Sometimes you gotta close the door to open a window. As Igor continues, the threat of his crush departing will turn Tyler's desperation into danger, as he imagines a dark scenario in which he totally eliminates the obstacle

he feels is standing between him and his crush. What's the obstacle? The girl. How does he imagine in eliminating her, murder. Of course, this is Igor's next track, New Magic Wand. A song will dissect note by note, line by line, next time on Dysect. This episode of Dysect was written by Camden Ostrander and me. If you enjoyed today's episode,

please tell a friend about the show or share on social media and tag at Dysect Podcast. It really helps. Limited season 10 merchandise can be purchased at Dysectpodcast.com. Audio editing by Kevin Pooler, song recreations by Andrew Atwood,

theme music by Bureaucer. All right, thanks, everyone. Talk to you next week.