Dissect - S1E18 – i (Part 1) by Kendrick Lamar

Episode Date: January 13, 2017

We continue our serialized analysis of Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp a Butterfly by dissecting "i." Follow Dissect on social media @dissectpodcast. Purchase Dissect merch at dissectpodcast.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to Dysect, long-form musical analysis broken into short digestible episodes. I'm your host, Cole Kushan. Today, we continue our serialized examination of Tipipa Butterfly by Kendrick Lamar. We're currently in the midst of the album's fourth act, which we've titled The Butterfly Sheds Light. After an encounter with God at a gas station in South Africa on how much a dollar cost, Kendrick embraced his leadership role, began speaking on issues that directly affect his community. On complexion, Kendrick spoke about negating the complexities of colorism through self-respect and positivity. On the Black of the Berry, he addresses self-hate, anxiety, and frustration, and an ambitious thinkpiece on the complexities of modern race relations.

On You Ain't Got a Lie, Kendrick promoted authenticity and self-respect. The apex of Kendrick's teachings comes with a song about self-love and acceptance to Pimp a Butterfly's narrative conclusion in the subject of today's episode, I. I was released as the album's first single six months before the full release of Tipa Butterfly. This early version, which we'll refer to as the studio version, does not appear on the album. Instead, a quote-unquote live performance of I is used. Because Kendrick uses I self-referentially as a climactic narrative tool, we're going to first use a studio version to examine the song's thematic content. On our next episode, we'll cross-examine the live version as it appears on the album.

Upon its release in September 2014, Kendrick spoke with several media outlets about the song's theme and inspiration. The idea came by, I was having fellowship back with the homies in Compton, man. And we were just talking about the things that go on in the neighborhood and why. And we realized that it all starts, you know, with us. You know what I'm saying? We have no self-love for each other. So how can we care about this neighborhood over here? Right, right.

You know, this person over here because we never had to love, you know, for ourselves. And that's why we do the things we do. We go to jail. We do this. We do that. We do that because we really don't have no pride. You feel what I'm saying? So that was the whole idea. And I've said to myself, man, if this is relatable from where I'm from, I know for a fact, you know, the world can relate to it. Because so many times, when I get people that, you know, come to my shows and they be like, man, your music saved my life. And that's a bar to me. You feel what I'm saying? That's a bar. Like, man, I'm not making stuff just for myself. These people are really influenced by. You know, so.

Kendrick also directly addresses who the song is for, those incarcerated and the suicidal kids he meets on tour. My initial idea of writing this record for, really was for two people. I hit Top Doggsy. I wrote a record for the homies that's in the penitentiary right now. And I also wrote a record for these kids that come up to my show with these slashes on their wrists saying they don't want to live no more. Oh, like people who cut themselves. Yeah, yeah. It's serious.

And people on the inside, they don't feel like they don't got nothing to live for, people on the outside. And I say, okay, these are my homies in the hood. If I say something, this blade and this bold, this simple, they could take reaction from that. They can't, they can't lock your body. They can't trap your mind from my homies that's in the opinion. For the people that's outside, you have some way more to live for. It starts with yourself first, and you won't be thinking to all this negative things that's going around in the world that's completely corrupting your brain and things like that. So that was my initial idea for the record.

And we could talk slick all day as rappers. That's easy to do. That's like taking the easy way out. But what are you saying, though? What are you saying to, you know, I only want to say uplift, but grab some type of inspiration. There's more people hurting than eating in this world than anything. So, you know, I love fun records.

I love having fun. I love records that's on the radio. But it also needs that balance. and that's what I think I'm here for. I is produced by Rocky and is constructed around an excerpt of the Isley Brothers 1973 song That Lady. Let's first listen to the introduction of I

followed by the introduction to That Lady. And now the Isley Brothers That Lady. The choice of using That Lady as the basis of the song was actually Kendrick's idea, carried out by Rocky. And rather than sampling the guitar line, Kendrick and Rocky chose instead to have the riff re-recorded by contemporary musicians. so the track actually contains no samples.

During the musical introduction, a voice bellows, this is a world premiere. It's somewhat self-referential, as I was the first single released after his debut Good Kid Mad City. The world was waiting in great anticipation, wondering what Kendrick would say and sound like next. He didn't shy away from the anticipation,

rather he draws attention to it, as if I was the answer to the question everyone has been asking of him. What follows is a statement of positivity, and self-love, which in the world of hip-hop is a bold statement. The musical introduction is followed by a brief eight-bar verse that introduces the song's hook. Trial tribulation but I know God Satan want to put me in a bowtie Praid that the holy water don't go dry

Yeah yeah As I look around me So many motherfuckold want to tell me But an amigo never drown me In front of a dirty double mirror They felt me And I love myself The world is a gal

He begins He begins I done been through a whole lot Trial Tribulation But I know God The straightforwardness of act for, and songs like Complection and Ain't Got a Lie is continuing here. As we heard in his interview, Kendrick is speaking to the incarcerated, both those imprisoned by bars and or their

own minds. It would seem he wants the message to be understood by the world, and doesn't feel the need to dilute the message with lyrical gymnastics, which of course we know he's more than capable of. He's humbly setting aside his technical ability to make his positive message more acceptable and understood by all. And while I've been through a whole lot, trial tribulation, but I know God, borders on cliche, having just experienced 15 previous songs on Tapipa Butterfly, we know exactly what Kendrick is talking about. We know intimately his trials and tribulations, and we know that his relationship with God is the vessel he's using to make a change. This sentiment carries over to the next line. Satan want to put me in a bow tie, pray that the

holy water doesn't go dry. We've met at least two devilish figures on the album, Uncle Sam and Lucy. So again, this line is loaded with album-specific content, but it's also general enough to remain universal when listened to out of context. We also know, Put Me in a Bowtie most likely refers to being pimped by any number of the devil's seductive ploys we heard on to pimp a butterfly, money, women, liquor, drugs, fame, influence, or ego. The verse continues, as a look around me, so many motherfuckers want to down me, but an amigo never drown me. An amigo is Spanish for enemy, and Kendrick says it in such a way that it also sounds like an amigo, which means a friend. Again, Uncle Sam and Lucy come to mind here, as they both

attempted to befriend Kendrick before revealing their true malicious intentions. This brief introductory verse is followed by the song's hook. The hook is built on the refrain, I love myself. It mirrors the directness of hooks like complexion and you ain't got a lie. In between the refrain, Kendrick says, The world is a ghetto with big guns and picket signs, but it can do what it want, whenever it want, I don't mind. He said, I gotta get up, life is more than suicide. One day at a time, the sun going shine.

Kendrick's message is clear. The world is flawed, dark, and full of conflict. But if you love yourself first, and each day focus on working to cultivate that, you'll learn to love and accept the world. around you. When are we going to understand that we are put on earth to love? That's all it's about.

Everybody want to figure out how complicated life is and break it down. This is what I truly think. I really think that it's going to keep going on. War going to keep going on. Frustration will keep going on and going to keep going on until we finally go back down to the simplest word, love. And when God sees that, the answer.

After the song's hook, verse two begins. Everybody looking at you crazy. Crazy. What you're going to do? Lift up your head and keep moving. Or let the paranoia haunt you. Peace to fashion. Police are wear my heart.

On my sleeve, let the runway start. You know the miserable, do love company. What do you want for me in my scars? Everybody lack confident. Everybody lack confident. How many time my potential was anonymous? How many times the city making me promises. So I promise this.

I love myself The verse begins Everybody looking at you crazy What are you going to do Lift your head and keep moving Or let paranoia haunt you Again Kendrick crafts this in such a way That it can be applied universally

As well as specifically to the album's narrative In the next line Peace to the Fashion Polly's I wear my heart on my sleeve Let the runway start Kendrick seems to be embracing His positive outlook Even flaunting it

Unafraid how others might perceive As new optimistic attitude The lines, everybody lack confidence, everybody lack confidence, is especially powerful for its simplicity. By repeating the line twice, Kendrick seems to be assuring us, and himself, that we all feel insecure at times, that self-doubt is normal. He follows this line with two thematically potent questions, how many times my potential was anonymous, how many times the city-making is promises. Here, it's likely Kendrick is referencing his upbringing in Compton. Kids from inner cities are often lost in obscurity, and their environment rarely provides the opportunity for their potential to flourish. Kendrick also hints at the empty promises the government provides to residents of cities like Compton.

As the world around him has proven to be an unreliable vessel for change, Kendrick retorts, so I promise this, I love myself. I believe this to be a critical thematic gesture. Having just addressed the fallibility of outside forces to bring about change, Kendrick suggests relying on the one thing you can't control yourself. This conclusion will be the central takeaway from Tempipa Butterfly. History has proven time and time again to be unreliable for a community that's faced oppression over decades, even centuries. Kendrick seems to know that while fighting external societal battles is important,

history moves incrementally, seismic shifts are rare, and external forces cannot be relied upon for inner peace. Therefore, control what you can and work to cultivate the best version of yourself. After a repetition of the song's hook, Kendrick continues this external internal paradigm in verse 3. Kendrick begins a cry now the strong in me

I still smile I love myself The world We're looking at a number of negative external forces A war outside A bomb in the street

A gun in the hood A mob of police A rock or drugs on the corner A line of cocaine And a bottle of alcohol He follows this with the line These days of frustration Keep y'all on tuck in rotation

Tuck and rotation Refers to rolling a blunt or joint Kendrick here is suggesting that his community often uses vices as coping mechanisms for the frustration they feel about the world or environment around them. With the concluding lines of the verse, Kendrick provides an alternative method. He says, I duck these cold faces, post up fee-fi-fo-fum bases. Dreams of reality's peace blow steam in the face of the beast. The sky could fall down, the wind could cry now, the strong in me I still smile. I love myself.

Again, Kendrick is showcasing the resiliency and invincibility of self-love and self-acceptance. In the face of external forces, internal strength will triumph. It's a call to arms, only Kendrick's weaponry is genuine confidence and self-esteem, void of ego or machismo. After another repetition of the song's hook comes a brief bridge. Kendrick begins the bridge, walk my bare feet, down, down, valley deep. Given his blatant references to God in the song, it would seem to be a little. King Kendrick here is alluding to the famous Bible passage Psalm 23. It reads,

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou prepares the table before me in the presence of my enemies. Thou anointest my head with oil. My cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Of course, we can find thematic similarities between this passage and to pimp a butterfly. God has empowered Kendrick to confront his inner demons and evils of the world, and with his newfound love of self, he's able to walk the earth without fear. The bridge continues, Fee-Fi faux-fum, My Heart Undone.

This is Kendrick's second use of fee-fi-fo-fum from the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. In it, Jack and his mother live in poverty, and in desperation are forced to sell their cow, only source of sustenance. Jack instead trades a cow for magic beans, which upsets his mother. The beans sprout a giant beanstalk that Jack climbs up into the sky. There, he sneaks into an enormous castle that belongs to a giant. When the giant gets home, Jack hides. The giant senses him nearby and recites, Fee-Fi faux-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. Be he alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread. He doesn't find Jack, and while the giant sleeps, steals gold coins and escapes down the beanstock. Jack twice more climbs the beanstalk and steals a

goose that lays golden eggs and a self-playing harp. The giant wakes as Jack leaves the castle and chases him down the beanstalk. His mother throws them an axe and Jack cuts down the beanstalk and the giant plummets to his death. It's hard to imagine Kendrick would arbitrarily insert this reference into a song twice without knowing its meeting. It would appear Kendrick is likening himself to Jack, who comes from an impoverished background and finds prosperity through risk and determination. The giant and his line, I'll grind his bones to make my bread, is akin to the sentiments of Uncle Sam and Lucy. These symbolic antagonists prey on the disadvantaged, are the figures that underdog heroes like Jack and the Beanstalk and Robin Hood confront. Kendrick, an underdog superhero

himself, blows steam in the face of the beast with his unapologetic optimism. After this brief bridge, an inverse hook is performed over a halftime breakbeat, followed by an outro verse. Kendrick begins the verse likening his battle with depression with a war. He says, I went to war last night with an automatic weapon. Don't nobody call a medic, I'm going to do it till I get it right. I went to war last night. I've been dealing with depression ever since an adolescent. Ducking every other blessing, I can never see the message.

I can never take the lead. I can never bob and weave. from a negative and letting them annihilate me. Here, it's hard not to recall the song You, in which Kendrick quite literally went to lyrical and emotional war on himself, while junkinly looking in the mirror. He admits to a lifelong struggle with depression, often missing the good or blessing in things because he's so consumed with negative thought.

But Kendrick is at war, determined to annihilate his opponent through admission and expression. As he says, he's going to, quote, Do it till I get it right. As the verse concludes, Kendrick builds. on the mythology alluded to previously in the song. He says, quote, I'm moving at a meteor speed, then a run into a building lay my body in the street, and later, quote, give my story to the children a lesson they can read. It would seem Kendrick is expressing the power of positivity, that it can provide superhuman strength in the face of turmoil, confusion, and disorder.

I concludes with a brief but thematically rich outro. Kendrick says, I lost my head, I must have misread what the good book said. Oh woes keep me it's a jungle inside. Give myself again till the well run dry. If this studio version were the version used on the album, these would be the final words spoken in the album's narrative before the epilogue mortal man. They encapsulate the album's narrative of losing oneself to money, celebrity, and sin,

struggling with depression or the quote, jungle inside, and finding one's way through selflessness and God. Viewing this outro through an even wider lens, we can go back as far as the narrative of Good Kid Mad City. In our last episode, we saw how the narratives of Good Kid and Butterfly were in many ways beginning to mirror one another. We discussed how Kendrick's naivety was exploited by the streets on Good Kid, while on Butterfly it's exploited by success and celebrity.

We saw how Good Kid's redemption came through God in a parking lot, while on Butterfly, redemption came at a gas station in South Africa. On Good Kid, the blueprint for Kendrick's new life was laid out through the words of his father and mother, who stressed returning to Compton and preaching realness, positivity, and God. On Butterfly, we've been witnessing in Act 4, Kendrick preaching these same ideologies. We can then interpret the outro of I as an acknowledgement of the recurring nature of his journey on both albums. The line, I lost my head, I must have misread what the good book said, implies that he's found the good book once before, but somehow misinterpreted or didn't fully embody its message,

hence his setbacks on butterfly. With the last line, Give Myself Again till the Well Runs Dry, Kendrick uses the word again, implying that he's given himself once before, perhaps in reference to the parking lot of a food for less on Good Kid Mad City. He also says,

Well Runs Dry, likely referring to the Holy Water spoken of several times on Good Kid, specifically in the interaction with the old woman in the parking lot, as well as the song I'm Dying a Thirst. Why are you so angry? See, you young men are dying of thirst.

Do you know what that means? That means you need water, holy water. You need to be baptized with the spirit of the Lord. Tired of tumbling, tired of tumbling. Back with my mama, say, see a pastor, give me a promise. What if today was the rapture and you completely tarnish? The truth is set you free, so to me be completely honest. You die on a thirst.

it works. Along with the callback to Good Kid Mad City, I contains another more cryptic callback that adds to the finality of I being the album's narrative conclusion. Remember, the turning point of Tipinpa Butterfly came at the end of how much a dollar cost. After the homeless man reveals himself as God at a gas station in South Africa, the song's outro sets Kendrick on his new path. I am God. I wash my hands. I said my grace, what more do you want for me? Tears of a cloud, yes I'm not all what is meant to be. Chase of gray will never change if I can don't. Turn this page. Help me change to write my wrong.

The passage is sung by Ron Isley of the Isley Brothers. He sings, Help Me Turn This Page and Write My Wrongs. Kendrick uses Ron Isley to signal the beginning of his spiritual transformation. While the feature works fine on its own, upon hearing I, the pinnacle of Kendrick's transformation, we realize the feature is a thematically potent calculation. By using the Isley Brothers sample as the infrastructure of I, the Ron Isley feature on how much a dollar cost becomes a setup to the narrative punchline, a bit of clever long-form foreshadowing, that's a rewarding payoff for any listener who takes the time to discover

the connection. Of course, when released as a single six months prior to Butterfly's full album release, the song I had no point to reference. It stood alone as the first official follow-up to Good Kid Mad City. Its pop and positivity would eventually earn him two Grammy Awards, but also garnered confusion and criticism. Some felt Kendrick was selling out, going pop, and that the complexity and rawness of Good Kid Mad City was a thing of the past. Kendrick addressed these critics, claiming I to be the best song he ever wrote, a testament to his personal journey as a kid from the mean straits of Compton to a positive self-loving man. I felt like your fan base hated on this song from the rip because it was acoustic.

It sounded different. It wasn't your traditional hip-hop song and because it was positive. Yeah. I feel like you caught a lot of hate because of this. That's the best song I ever wrote. Really? Well, guess what? The Grammys agreed with you, Kendra.

No, tough. No, that's the best song I ever wrote because I never thought in a million years I'd make a positive record coming from where I come from. Never in a million years. my homeboys too, but my home boys respect me enough to say, do what you do. I swear it is. When heard out of context, I was mistaken by some for a banal attempt at popular acceptance. Of course, Kendrick gets the last laugh.

In essence, he gave away the ending of the movie long before the movie was released. It's a particularly genius move, as two things happen when you hear I within the context of the album. First, you come to understand how far Kendrick has come. From the adolescent fantasies of the album's opening track, West's theory, to the rock-bottomed depression and suicidal thoughts of you, Kendrick, powered by God and self-acceptance, pulls an emotional 180 and is able to unabashedly scream, I love myself, against all odds.

And a world of machismo-filled hip-hop is quite a daring statement. Second, when we hear eye on the album, we very quickly realize it's not the version we come to know. It's a quote-unquote live performance of the song in his hometown of Compton. I think through a whole lot, try tribulation by the no god, the devil when they pull me in a bow tie, played at the holy water don't go try, yeah, yeah, as to look around me, so many motherfuckers want to down me, but in a meet will never drown me in front of a dirty double me when they found me. And I love myself, huh, I want you looking at me, yeah, I tell me what do you see?

I love myself. I put a bullet in the back of the back of the head and the bullet. And then, midway through the track, when Kendrick stops his performance to address a fight that breaks out in the crowd, we realize it's not a live performance at all, but an extended skit, a skit that ends with a climactic spoken word poem that punctuates even more the album's narrative conclusion. We trace my steps on what they never taught me. Did my homework fast before government caught me. So I'm going to dedicate this one verse to Oprah on how to infamous sensitive in-word control us.

So many artists gave her an explanation to hold us Well, this is my explanation straight from Ethiopia N-E-G-U-S definition, royalty, king royalty, wait, listen, N-E-G-U-S, description, black emperor, king ruler, Now let me finish, the history books overlook the word and hide it. America tried to make it to a house divided. We'll continue our examination of I with this live version, this self-referential extended skit,

This, whatever you want to call it. Next time on Dysect. Dysect is written and produced by me. Remember, now until the end of the season, Dysect is holding a fundraiser for the bicentennial high school music program in Compton, California. This was Kendrick Lamar's high school, and he since donated money to the music program in an effort to keep kids off the streets and in the studio. I'd love to show our appreciation for Kendrick and all we've learned from Topipa Butterfly

by supporting his cause. There's also some great donation perks, including Dysect T-shirts and an awesome Kendrick-inspired hat by Riz Apparel. You can make your donation at Dysectpodcast.com. I have a goal of raising $1,000. If every listener of the show donated $13, we could meet our goal. If every listener donated just $3,000, we can raise over $20,000. No donation amount is too small. Also, don't forget I'm looking to feature your voice on the Season 1,5,000.

finale episode. Record a 30-second audio clip on your phone, sharing your biggest takeaway from Tippa Butterfly, how it's influenced you, why you think it's important, or really anything you want to say. Don't be shy, your voice is important. Send your clip to dissect podcast at gmail.com. And I'll respond to you personally letting you know it came through. Again, submit your audio clip to dissectpodcast.gum. Theme music by Beirocratic. For more, visit Beirocratic. camp.com.