Dissect - S9E10 - 2009 by Mac Miller

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

We continue our season-long analysis of Mac Miller’s Swimming with the album’s crown jewel: 2009. Shop Season 9 merchandise here. Follow Dissect on Tiktok, Instagram, and Twitter. This season includes discussion of substance misuse and addiction. For resources on these topics, visit spotify.com/resources. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For the December 2009 release of his mixtape The High Life, 17-year-old Mac Miller found time in between recording sessions and high school classes to run a promotional blog for his new music. A senior in high school at the time, Mac was thinking about what to do next. He posted on October 17, 2009, quote, I might a point in my career where I often question the topic of college. Will I apply and try to get in right out of high school? Will I take a year off to grind super hard? While I keep my life on the safe route, I really don't know. but for now I'm just doing what makes me happy, and that is making music right from my soul.

I feel that as long as I continue to satisfy myself, the rest will fall into place. Good night, everybody. Dream of bigger and better things for yourself, unquote. Days later it seemed Mac had decided to take at least a step in the college direction, and he posted an essay he wrote in an application for Temple University. Quote, I have never met anybody as passionate as I am about what I do. I've lost a great portion of my social life to this dream. I don't want to be a performer. I want to make a difference in the world.

I realize that my voice is through music. In today's age, music is one of the loudest voices there is. More kids listen to what Gucci-Mane has to say about wearing jewelry than Barack Obama's press conference. All I want to do is change the way people see the world, and I believe I have the power to do just that, unquote. This was the way Mac Miller felt about the future in 2009. At 17 years old, he wanted to go out into the world and make a difference. By 2018, nearly a decade later, he was doing that and much more. From Spotify, I'm Cole Kushna and this is Dissect, long-form musical analysis broken into short digestible episodes.

Today we continue our serialized examination of Mac Miller Swimming with its penultimate track, 2009. On our last episode, we dissected the song Jet Fuel, which finds Mac boasting and defiant about his drug use, claiming he'll never lose his high because he'll never run out of jet fuel, aka Substances. But ever the complete thinker, Mack juxtaposes his own arrogance with a contrasting outro section. It's here that Mack seems to depict himself high in the clouds, revealing a conflict caused by his substance use. Here, Mac vulnerably sings, Fate in your hands while you're waiting for me, I'm already there falling in deep. Now as only now, head back to the ground deer. We interpreted this section as Mac in conversation with someone, someone who encourages him to come back to Earth,

to leave as high up in the clouds so he can be present and clear-headed on the ground, in the Eternal Now. This outro then creates a perfect transition into the album's next track, a track that finds Matt grounded, looking back on his journey with appreciation with a present-day clarity. Of course, we're talking about the crown jewel of swimming, 2009. Well, I don't need to lie no more. Nowadays, all I do is shine, take a breath, needs my mind. She don't cry no more. She tell me that I get her high cause I ain't just supposed to fly.

2009 was produced by Eric G. The majority of the production is based around a sample of the opening moments of Chante Moore's 1999 song, Chantay's Got a Man. This piano intro was sampled and pitched up five semitones to form the basis of 2009. Next, a simple drumbeat is added. This minimalistic approach to the song's production creates an intimate environment for Max's lyrics, which will prove to be some of his most vulnerable and heartfelt words in his entire. discography. But prefacing this beat and Max entrance is an extended string introduction composed by Asia Grant. The elegance and beauty of this string section almost defies description, one of those

rare passages of music that feels too transcendent for analysis. And while I do want to point out some cool compositional stuff going on in this section, admittedly I'm going to tread lightly, or risk diminishing its magic with theoretical jargon. The first detail we should notice is that the string section begins with the same chord progression as the piano sample. First, Let's hear the chords as heard from the sample. Now if we play the same chords just in a lower register, we get this. And now add a melody on top. And that's how this transforms into this.

Now after repeating this opening statement, the section suddenly modulates into a new key signature and begins a sweeping rise in the melody. At the peak of this rise, we get yet another modulation to a new key, and the melody descends. This is followed by another even more rapid rising part followed by a rapid descent. Notice how all this rising and falling creates an almost cinematic sensation of struggle and then triumph, of tension, and then release. After these warring rises and falls, we find ourselves in what to meet is the centerpiece of this entire string section. While the backing strings dwell in the mid-register, the lead violin enters with a devastatingly gorgeous melody, bringing the section

to an emotional breaking point. At the end of this beautiful melodic phrase, the piano hammers away harder and harder, building tension. And just when it feels like we can't take anymore, the section blossoms open with a lush F-sharp major 13 chord that ascends into the heavens. Once the piano reaches this high, it will stay there, kind of fluttering around. This is what creates a smooth transition into the sampled piano part, because it's played in the same high register that intro piano ends in. This opening to 2009 is absolutely masterful. And while I did want to point out some of the compositional effects it utilizes,

none of this explains the emotional essence this string passage captures. It's one of the more moving pieces of music I've ever. ever heard, one that leaves me feeling baffled that something so beautiful even exists in the world. It feels like a privilege to be able to listen to it, to be engulfed in so much beauty, showcasing what I feel is the very essence of music's power to transcend our earthly world and usher us into the territory of the divine. Indeed, Mac will end 2009 saying, but really I'm just trying to start believing in God. And for me personally, when I hear something as immaculate, ethereal, and emotionally resting as this musical passage, is the closest I

ever feel to the touch of God. Today's all I do is shine, take a breath and ease my mind, and she don't cry no more. Mack enters 2009 with a series of vocal currents, fully enveloped in the music. Before any analysis of Mack's lyrics, we need to up front acknowledge his delivery style. He's not quite rapping, not quite singing, but rather uses a unique fluid hybrid of both simultaneously. It feels organic, yet we know how singing is something Mack had to work at in order to feel comfortable enough to put his singing on wax. As Mack once explained, quote, singing to me just

feels really vulnerable. I haven't been as confident in my singing voice in the past, but then I just kind of realize it's not about whether my voice is the most incredible singing voice, that's my voice, unquote. He would go on to explain that after seeing Bob Dylan perform, quote, I started to realize more that I have a good sense of melody. I always have, and I know what notes I can't hit and what are kind of little out of my range. But I think making this record and all those questions, I was just like, get the fuck out of here. Fear to me is a guiding thing more than anything. I've been scared to do shit like this through my whole career, and I'm just happy that now I'm comfortable enough to do it, unquote. In a song that will look retrospectively on his

career and personal journey, Maxo comfortably hybridizing, singing and rapping to the point they are indistinguishable from one another feels like a perfect encapsulation of his growth as an artist in person, someone who had achieved the rare ability to express himself without restraint, fear, or hesitation. On 2009, we get the feeling of someone speaking directly from their soul, a rare glimpse into that otherwise ineffable realm of our humanity. This kind of organic, unfiltered expression of self is even more apparent when we realized that, unbelievably, the first half of 2009 was recorded on the spot, in one take, a freestyle. According to 2009's producer Eric G, quote,

It was in Seattle when he was on tour. We had dinner at the Space Needle one night, and him and Ariana and all the people on tour. Went to the studio for two nights in a row. The way he did the song, he did it so quickly. He works really fast and does a lot of stuff at all times. It's just fluid. He just kind of exists, going with it.

Instead of overthinking anything, he just goes. He was sober for a while at this point. He was looking all healthy and stuff. It was just me and him in the studio, and I was kind of going through my own thing at the time, and I was asking him for advice. We just talked about that for hours, going in and outside, smoking cigarettes.

He was like, play me some beats. And the first or second beat I played was 2009. He just paced around the room for a little bit with the beat playing. Then he did the first half of the song in a pitch black booth with no phone or anything. I don't even know how he did it and for it to be so meaningful. It's crazy that it just came off the top of his head like that. Then he did the rest a little later, but he didn't write anything down or anything.

It was really crazy to watch. I don't need to lie no more. Nowadays all I do is shine. Take a breath and ease my mind. She don't cry no more. She tell me that I get her high because the angel's supposed to fly. I ain't asking why no more. Oh no, I take it if it's mine.

I don't stay inside the lines. It ain't 2009 no more. Yeah, I know what's behind that door. Yeah. Mac begins singing, I don't need to lie no more. Nowadays, all I do is shine, take a breath, and ease my mind. Here, Mac feels able to tell the truth and be present. The idea that he doesn't need to lie anymore is a direct progression from the album

opener come back to Earth when he's saying, What I won't tell you, I'll probably never even tell myself. He has swum through stressful waters to relief, not to a static place, but to an experience of life with awareness and motion. Mack not needing to lie anymore also insinuates that he has gotten up. He's not lying down, stuck inside, or in bed. Instead, he's outside, shining with the sun. The joy he feels is based in mindfulness,

conveyed by the importance of taking a breath as a foundational act in meditation, which then eases the mind. It's a fresh morning, a good a.m. The constant rebirth, renewal, and revolution of Mac's discography were in a moment swinging up, and he uses this state to express gratitude and reflect vulnerability on his path. He then continues, and she don't cry no more. She tell me that I get her high because an angel is supposed to fly.

Having settled his own life, he realizes the positive effect this has on others. In our concerns for others' well-being, we often gloss over the way that taking care of ourselves can help those who care for us. The she in question here is vague, as is the angel. Is she the angel, or is she reacting to the flight of the angel, which would likely be Mack himself? If this is the case, the she might refer specifically to someone such as Arianna Grande or Mack's mother, Some feminine entity engaged in his well-being and responds positively to his ascension. Mack was known to refer to Ariana specifically as an angel since 2013,

well before they were romantically involved, when they were just hanging out as friends and making music. She's like a greatest person in the world. She's like an angel. She's very nice. She's a sweet girl. She comes over here to make music that's like weird because like she's, you know, she has like hit me.

records. So I always have her come over here and just like make weird songs that like won't ever come out. Given that Mac and Arianna were together when he wrote this song, it's not a stretch to think the line could be referring to her specifically. On the other hand, the angel could be Mac, as Ariana famously sang on her song Thank You Next. Wish I could say thank you to Malcolm because he was an angel. In either scenario, whether the angel is Mac or the woman, the central idea is that as divine beings, we are supposed to fly, a state of weightless clarity Maca saw all album long. While Mac has previously used drugs to reach this state, these lines feel different. Given that we know his drug use did affect his relationships, the fact that she don't cry

no more might imply a period of sobriety, where Mac and his love are able to experience a natural state of flight. Mac then continues 2009 singing, and I ain't asking why no more. I take it if it's mine, I don't stay inside the lines. Similar to the song What's the Use? Mac finds himself able to enjoy the height instead of questioning it to death. When he says he takes it, it feels like Mac is powerfully declaring that he can take whatever comes his way,

that the experiences he has will be bearable since he's decided to accept them as they are, without trying to box anything in, experiencing the water-like freedom of fluidity, of going with the flow. Saying he don't stay inside the lines continues the motif of lines being used to represent limits. Back on ladders, expressing a similar feeling of joy, he rapped, We don't see no lines. We don't color inside. Matt continues reflecting,

It ain't 2009 no more. Yeah, I know what's behind that door. He's looking back on his life, on everything that's happened since he went through that door. The specificity of the year 2009 makes us curious. What exactly happened that year?

Why did he choose that one specifically? What is it about 2009? What is the relevance of that? That was the year that this all really started for me. Because you talk about, and again, I don't want to leak any lyrics, but you talk about I know what's behind that door. What was behind the door?

Crazy world, man. But, you know, I've been doing this now for, you know, kind of a long time. We can do the math. It's 11 years. I tried out a lot of different things and a lot of different ways of living and a lot of different ways of creating. And, you know, I think that that was kind of what I was going for. Yeah, you're living in process and you put it through your music. You've had your rock star moments.

Yeah. You've had those moments, right? For sure. But, I mean, I'm glad I have. Do you mean? I'm glad I've experienced everything I've experienced. I don't have a regret for anything that I've been through. With the High Life being released in December of 2009 and kids in August of 2010,

2009 was the last year before Mack's career took off, before his journey on the road of fame and success began. Born January 19, 1992, Mac would have been 17 nearly all year, making it his final year of childhood as well. If we go back to interviews with Mack at the time, we can find him processing the lightning fast change, changes in his life. In an interview from October 2010, Mac was asked what had changed for him in the last year, and one of the major shifts he identified was going from focusing solely on making

music to the need to market himself. I think it was like all pre-dropping kids. Like when I dropped kids is when it kind of completely shifted. But last year this time, I was just completely focused on making music. And that was it just making music, developing and mastering my craft, everything about the creation of my sound, which I was working on. And then I dropped kids and it's like, now it's like I have built a product. Then I'm still, you know, working and improving on, but I build a product. And now it's like I have to get it out there. So it's traveling, doing all different types of events and things to get this face around.

The idea of Matt going from focusing entirely on the joy of learning and creating music to going out on the road and marketing himself demonstrates a pivotal shift, something that played out in a million ways. For instance, since his journey on the road began in 2009, it makes sense that some of his cars would be from the same year. An idea that seemingly stuck with Mack

as he kept the ideas intertwined in his head years later. And then, you know, I keep it chill with like a, I got like a 2009. Maroon, BMW, something just to cruise around the city in. You said 2009? Yeah.

Go ahead, man. It's a good year. I like it. 2009 was the year I dropped my first mixtape. Here with art and life interwoven tightly, we realize that Mack's journey on the road began in 2009, that his car, one of swimming central motifs, is from the same time, and he's been taking this journey ever since.

The honesty in Mac Miller's music is such that it traverses time and space with the man behind the music, reaching an apex here on 2009 as he continues to take stock of his past and present. Even the phrase, I know what's behind that door, connects with this reflective mood, as the door symbolism is a motif we can trace throughout his entire career. Here's the song Knock Knock, when a Mac's first hits off that seminal 2010 kid's mixtape. This is going to feel real good, all right? Most dope. Everybody please put a thumb in the air.

Knock Knock was a persona introducing memorandum, a notice that Mac Miller was on the way, knocking on her collective door, with the intent to take the music industry by Storm. Mac continued to develop the symbol on Doors, the opening track of Good AM, and one that Mac once said was his favorite on the album. Telling himself to accept the opening and closing of doors with the passage of time, Mac uses the symbol as a representation of identity, connectivity, openness, and opportunity. Doors were closed and people change, as the door is our front opening, the portal into each room, and each of us. The year 2009 is thus one specific door, one momentous transition. in Max's life he can now look back on and accept. As he told Zane Lowe, there was a crazy world behind

that door, but it led him to where he was in the present. That door led to life, which in order to be worth anything, must be accepted and experienced. By doing so, he knows he can accept the outcome of going through any door in the future. I don't have it all, but that's all right with me. Take it nice and easy. Took a flight to see me. Send you back home with a light that's beaming. The whole team about to figure it out.

We ice cold. That's what when we're about. And sometimes, sometimes. Mac offers the directive as he begins the first verse. Yeah, okay, you've got to jump in to swim. Here Mac expresses the philosophy of experiential learning of the impetus for action that drives our lives. To do anything at all, we must make and commit to the decision

to try and do that thing. Otherwise, we will surely fall to the whims of our environment. If we stand any chance at all, we'll need to try our damnedest to get on with it. The importance of this line is heightened by the fact that he says the album's title directly. It would seem this song intends to offer some central wisdom, some attempt at making sense of the journey we've taken together on the album. The swimming metaphor had apparently been on Mack's mind for years. While it appears in lyrical content from the beginning of his career, the most contextually relevant instance appears to be in Mack's description of his journey

with being vulnerable on wax and singing more. The bigger it gets, it's like I didn't know if I was ready yet, but like someone just pushed me into the pool. So like I'm swimming now and we're here. And it's kind of like going with it, you know? And now I have to like... While Mack here is specifically talking about being comfortable with singing more, the fundamental idea translates to the wider human experience and personal growth.

Imagine a world in which Mack Miller never got the courage to sing more. Imagine if he stayed scared, if he let his fear of singing get the best of him, if he refused to swim in the water he was thrown into. There would be no divine feminine, no swimming, no circles. There would be no 2009, wings, good news, woods, dang, or any of the long list of songs wherein max singing allows him to express the more vulnerable parts of himself. He would have remained limited by fear. But like he said, we're swimming now and we have to go with it. If life is a constantly nebulous experience of motion, we must have to remain. do our best to move with it. We have to take it if it's ours. We must accept all that comes our

way, adapt, survive, and come out the other side of that door stronger, having grown. And sometimes this requires a leap of faith, as there is an inherent danger in jumping into unfamiliar waters. But sometimes you have to jump, or risk becoming a fearful bird that goes its entire life without flying. Typically, the greatest rewards are on the other side of fear, and Mack encourages us to jump. Mack then broods while the light was dim in this life of sin. Reflecting on the past, Matt continues the motif of light, with the dim light of sin alluding to the depths of hell or the darkness of a treacherous life. This acknowledgement of the past is crucial to Mack's ability to process and move on, as will continue to see him reflect as a means of shining light on his

situation. Placing this line after you got to jump in to swim also implies that swimming is a method to move on from the life of sin, that Mack is working forward, perhaps towards sobriety. Reflecting on a dark period in his life, Mac told Grantland, quote, For two to three years, I was just numb, so when you're coming out of that, it's all going to come out at once. I was crying every day, unquote. Evaluating his present development, Mac then wraps, now every day I wake up and breathe. I don't have it all, but that's all right with me. The cleverness of not having an all, but still being all right, reinforces the lessons of

wings and perfecto, being present in accepting incompleteness as complete, imperfection as perfection. These lines are a clear progression from the dim light of sin. As the night ends, Mac wakes up and is able to appreciate the light of day. Waking up and breathing is meditative, an aware experience of the cycles of each day, reflecting on a micro level the revolving nature of each breath, from inhale to exhale, the respiratory passage of time. Mac then seemingly speaks to those he loves, wrapping, take it nice and easy, took a flight to see me, send you back home with a light that's beaming. This works both on a literal and figurative level. At the time of creating swimming, Mac was mostly living in Los Angeles, and for his Pittsburgh family to check up on him,

they would have to fly across the country. Mack appears proud that he can send them home having eased their worries, perhaps in relation to his drug use. True to form, it seems, Mac was concerned with the well-being of others, wanting to send them home with a feeling of joy or happiness, that bright light. While Mack has previously used the motif of flights as a metaphor for being high, feels like here Mac is speaking on the high of awareness and present moment clarity.

Just a month before recording this verse, Mac was on sway in the morning talking about how he found sobriety to be a new high, a new experience of life, and how this impacted those around him. But like all of a sudden, just being completely clear-headed was like, that was the new high.

You know what I mean? Because it's like, like oh wow like I'm feeling things and and I was kind of scared I wouldn't be able to create but I was like wow I'm a superhero you know mean because I can feel like you know mean like this is actual real happiness this is real sadness this isn't like you know me putting some going to the pharmacy trying to pick a emotion and put it together you know this is like a real this is this is the world that I've been hiding from this is me like channeling that energy and letting it kind of go through me and putting it out creatively.

You know what? I have the people in my life are the same people that have been in my life forever and they it was such a positive effect on the people around me and I didn't realize it and I didn't want to I didn't want to I didn't realize how how substantial that would be just for me to to take care of myself because that's really a thing you know me? it's people like you want to take care of those rounds you take care of yourself first you know what I mean and I'm always like yeah right like that's some bullshit like I need to I need to make sure to blahzy blah blah blah blah but like in reality like that this was this was it and um and it's fear man like you just you just tackle all of that and you realize you had nothing to be afraid of but

I like I had to kind of start changing up maybe different ways I did things but but But everyone around me had kind of been sitting there like, come on, man, come on, you know what I mean? So it was like I have people that are the greatest support system ever, rather than a bunch of people like, what you mean, man, you don't want this drink, man? You know what I mean? Like, so like.

Cumbags. Right. Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes I wish I took a simple to brow. Instead of having demons that's as big as my house. Have a ball with a dribbling bounce Because the party ain't over Till they kicking me out Yeah

Isn't it funny We can make a lot of money Buy a lot of things Just to feel a lot of ugly I was yay high and muddy Looking for what was looking for me But I continue The first verse rapping

And sometimes I wish I took the simpler route Instead of having demons that's as big as my house The use of simpler route continues the threat of the road on swimming, illustrating the winding path of Mack's life. Admitting that he sometimes wishes he had a different road, Mac acknowledges the existence of personal demons, of haunting, overarching internal conflicts

caused by the twisted path he's traveled. This could refer to anxiety, depression, addiction, or the pressures of living in the blinding light of celebrity, all of which Mac has openly addressed in his music. When asked about this line directly by Craig Jenkins, Mac explained, quote, We actually joke all the time. We'll take a moment more.

will be like, man, life would be so simple if I would have just had a job somewhere, you know, like been at one place and then come home. And there's that moment of peacefulness when you think about it, but I would never actually do that. I'm also very attracted to my own demons, unquote. And while Mack here was wondering about the simpler route in 2018, back in 2009 he'd actually considered the option. When everyone around him in high school was talking about college, he wrote on his blog, quote, I understand the safe way to live your life, get good grades, go to college, and get a job. That just never seemed to spark my interest. I've always lived in my own world and set my goals higher than I could reach from the position I'm standing in, unquote.

Mac connecting his demons specifically to his house also has a few implications. Given the home is a place where one can hopefully find respite, it reveals how deeply Mac feels these demons. Mac has also previously used his house as a flex, which reflects how intertwined the pursuit of comfort and the evils of wealth are. Mac then continues his wishing as he wraps, have a ball with a dribble and bounce, because the party ain't over till they kicking me out. In other words, Mac wants to have fun, using a basketball metaphor to insinuate a dance party or ball. It's a line similar to small worlds when he rapped, I just want a ball, made me dunk, but I've never been tall.

Mac is pursuing the joyous flow state of a game as an ideal. There's also an existential quality to the line, a command to enjoy the life we have until we die, until we get kicked out. Mac then comments, isn't it funny, we can make a lot of, of money, buy a lot of things just to feel a lot of ugly. It's a continuation of the line about demons being attached to his big house, as Mack notes the irony of the physical reward for his art, of his place in the systems of our society. Simply put, money and whatever it can provide will not fill the holes inside of us. Recall something Mack said about his past at the time

of swimming's release, quote, when you first get caught up in everything, that's what you want, you want more, more of this. We want to be at all these places and this and that, unquote, It seems that part of his peace of mind came with an acceptance of exactly what he has, disregarding this suffering of desire. Mack's lyrics also seemed to reflect on his feelings that many musicians put everything into their art, give it to the people, and in the process, lose their lives. It was something he let out on Twitter in the aftermath of Prince's passing, writing in a series of tweets, quote,

I just want all of you to understand what these artists that you listen to sacrifice for you. Just appreciate that shit, man. This ain't easy. motherfuckers give their lies for music. They lose everybody around them. And they are left alone with nobody but music and the people that listen to it. You guys are very important and thank you for always supporting me. But you have no idea. Prince is fucking dead. Michael is fucking dead. The list goes on. And everybody wants to talk about drugs. Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. That's what killed this person, blah, blah, blah. No, it is music. And here we are on the internet laughing and talking about people

who put everything they have into music and end up with nothing but money. People fucking die. So be grateful for that song that comes on your Pandora, that piece of music you tweet your girlfriend. Somebody died for you, unquote. As if expanding on these kinds of ugly feelings, Mac wraps, I was yea high and muddy, looking for what was looking for me. On the surface, Mac is talking about his childhood, with the imagery of a short, muddy kid running around looking for trouble. With this image, we see young Mac looking for fame and success, which, um, unlike most, actually came to him. It's the hard-won breathlessness of a day at play,

that kid at the park completely worn out come dusk, having lived a life to the fullest. At the same time, Mac has concocted a potent drug mixture with this line. Ye is a slang term for cocaine, so Yee-high becomes a description of being high on Coke. At the same time, mud is a term for drinks made with cough syrup containing codeine and promethazine. Sometimes called lean, it's a substance mac admitted to using in stints,

like during the 2012 Macadelic tour. Quote, I was not happy and I was on Lean very heavy. I was so fucked up all the time, it was bad. My friends couldn't even look at me the same. I was lost, unquote. In the 2016 fader documentary on Mac, there's footage of him pouring Lean in the studio.

At one point, he looks at the concussion and specifically calls the brew mud. The implication of Muddy here on 2009 thus appears intentional. In this way, the line, I was yea high and muddy, looking for what was looking for me. combines the highs and the lows, revealing what was in part behind that door. It's the youthful freedom of creating music and making a living doing what you love,

but also the lure of substances, falling prey to the pursuit, to the futility of consumption. Those substances may offer a temporary high, but they'll inevitably bring an ugly low. Max ability to express the joy of well-earned exhaustion of young play and the ugly depths of drug abuse joins the many times he so potently expressed the duality and simultaneity of experience, a balanced perspective gained by years of awareness and analysis. The line looking for what was looking for me also seems to incorporate the idea of fate, as Mac finds what was looking for him and vice versa.

It's the idea that we only partially control the outcomes of our lives, that much of it is preordained by circumstances beyond our control, and that while we might go looking for things, desiring certain outcomes, there are also things in the universe looking for us. When they find us, when those unforeseen and sometimes tragic events happen, There's a certain amount of acceptance that we must learn to cultivate, understanding they are unavoidable

and that we don't have to be ashamed that they happen to us. This idea thus contextualizes the repetition of the chorus, because when Mack sings, I don't need to lie no more, we realize there is peace in being honest. Any past failures or sadness, any achievements or happiness, all of it is experience, all of it is lived, and all of it will pass. Accepting this is our only option if we wish to live. We'll need the line no more. Nowadays, all I do is shine.

Take a breath and ease my mind. She don't cry no more. She'll tell me that I get her hired because the angel's supposed to fly. I ain't asking why no more. Oh, no, I take it if it's mine. I don't stay inside the lines. It ain't 2009 no more. Yeah, I know what's behind that door.

We'll be back right after the break. Welcome back to Dysect. Before the break, we broke down 2000. 9's first verse. After repetition of the chorus, Mac begins an equally moving and emotional second verse. Mike begins a second verse, yeah, they ask me what I'm smiling for. Well, because I've never been this high before. It's like I've never felt alive before. I'd rather have me peace of mind than war.

This is a joyous, shining moment, establishing Mack's position of health and wisdom, which he'll use to comment on his path and extend a hand to those of us struggling to get back up. It's heartwarming to get an image of Mac smiling here, because given how honesty is in his music, it feels genuine. As he explained, quote, I'm a firm believer in my music following wherever I am emotionally in reality. If I'm going through it, my music will be going through it. I've been on a life roller coaster and I continually make music, so it all follows that, unquote.

Recall that Mack told Sway this was a period where he was finding a new high in being sober and aware in his life. He would say something similar when he turned to Rick Rubin for support and getting sober after the faces era, noting that the sober version of himself was the best, While he didn't want to judge his past experiences as good or bad, he wanted to recognize and acknowledge them so he can move forward. Now, it's the most important taking vacation.

It's not a positive thing. It's not a negative thing. But, you know, at some point you recognize it and move forward. Speaking on his health at the time of swimming, Mack told Craig Jenkins, quote, All I do is work out every day, go to sleep early, all these things. So now it's kind of just like teaching myself the balance of it all. I do think I'm in my best, most balanced sense. that I've ever been in yet, unquote. Working out in particular seem to be helping Mack, as he

explained further, quote, it's good for the chemicals in your brain. It puts my mind in the proper place to start the day, unquote. Scientifically speaking, Mac is right. Exercise is proven to produce endorphins and benefit mental health. In particular, exercise is a powerful tool in battling addiction. On 2009, Mack's desire for this kind of peace of mind instead of war appears to reference the same notion he covered on self-care when he sang, let's go back to my crib and play some 45s. It's safe in there. I know there's still a war outside. In both songs, Mack appears to be illustrating his anxieties, whether wanting to stay inside so as to avoid conflict or striving to keep his mind from engaging in battle with himself. This war symbolism popped up outside of swimming as well.

And Mac's posthumous released Spotify singles, his last ever recording session, Mac covered Billy Preston's song Nothing from Nothing. Here Max sings, I'm a soldier, but ain't a war that I can see, which is the telling alteration of Billy Preston's original lyric, I'm a soldier in the war on poverty. Mack's notion of war is specifically of the mind, but it is in a sense a figment of our imagination, it's our anxiety. The war is not real, yet it is in his head, and this is the struggle of swimming, define as he says, peace of mind so that he can face the world and actually live. recall that the album began with Mack wishing for a way out of his head, and here near the end,

it feels like he's on the correct path. With this piece, Mack then admits, See, me and you, we ain't that different, struck the fuck out, and then I came back swinging. Further highlighting the intimacy of artists and audience that characterizes the album, Mack parallels his own struggles with our own. This is the closeness and vulnerability of swimming laid bare. The use of the baseball metaphor also continues the album's motif of games while alluding to this sense of home, as in home plate, which is the desired destination of anyone who steps up to bat. Notting to the familiar concern of the hook, Mack evokes the notion that we all want to return home, to comfort. Mac's journey is thus a model for us all. We're all swimming in circles. Even if we

strike out, we can step up to the plate again. Mack's ability to take his failures in stride and to come back swinging mirrors our own ability to do the same. As he said, we ain't that different. Mac then wraps, Take My, Time to Finish, Mind My Business. The pause in his delivery after Take My mirrors the lyrical content, as he literally takes his time to finish the line. His desire to mind his business is a pursuit of mindfulness, of sticking to his own concerns at his own pace. That said, there's potentially a slick sexual innuendo here,

of Mac taking his time in the bedroom before finishing or climaxing. Mack then continues with a wise definition, a life and a life till you live it. In other words, life must be lived or it isn't life at all. This is a call to action, a call to actually use our time on earth and make something of it. Even the use of the shortened till reinforces this idea of cultivation, as to till a field is to prepare it for crops, for life, for growth. This is wisdom we must constantly remember,

or else we become lost in the inaction of anxiety, or the dark stasis of depression. The choice must be constantly made to get on with it. till you live it I was digging me a hole big enough to bury my soul way to the world I gotta carry my own my own with these arms I can carry you home I'm right here when you're scared and alone and I ain't never in a hurry you don't never got to worry even when it's 7 30 and that time is running low when your heart get cold see what's behind all the unturned stones and I'm a pro when it come to my job

But really, I'm just trying to start believing in God. Now when it gets hard, I don't panic, I don't sound near along. Mack's call to action, Life ain't a Life Till You Live It, is then followed by a comparison, as Mac remembers the darkness of his past. He raps,

I was digging me a hole big enough to bury my soul. Way to the world, I gotta carry my own. The imagery of digging a hole and burying a soul calls to mine a funeral service, as well as the coffin-like imagery of the swimming cover art. Of course, both are sobering images in light of Mack's fate. In this vulnerable discussion of his dark times and the pressure he feels, we connect with Mack and feel compassion, but unfortunately this was not always the case.

The veil of fame and wealth often obscures our portraits of celebrities, and it's easy to assume that they have no problems or that the problems they do have are unwarranted. For someone as vulnerable and honest as Mac, both in interviews and on wax, it seemed tough for him to navigate these dynamics sometimes. Here's Mac on Hot 97 and Minutes. admitting to his demons that led him to vice, which is met with immediate skepticism. I have a tortured soul, you know what I mean? And us with tortured souls,

sometimes you try and numb the things that hurt your tortured soul, but in reality, you can't. You have to face your problems. You can't push them down and save them. What are your problems, though? You have, like, the nicest family ever. Your mom's the nicest lady in the world.

You're rich. Look, man. We're not here talking about the negative. Right now we're talking about good a.m. The album, September 18. 18 stores, you know what I mean? That's right. While Mac takes this in stride and turns to humor, it's sad to look back on.

Describing his pain and his need to handle his problems on his own, when Mac is cornered, he jokes that there's an album to sell. This moment highlights so much of 2009's totality, of an honest expression that has to contend with commercial disruption. Thankfully, in his music, his home turf, Mac is able to offer a clear, uninterrupted perspective on these struggles. He continues rapping, My own with these arms I can carry you home.

I'm right here when you're so. scared and alone, and I ain't never in a hurry. Here we have a direct call for shelter, as Mac uses himself as a protection for others. This is the power of music, of honesty, and the healing love that it offers. When Mac's close collaborator Josh Berg reflected on the life of Mac, he said, quote, when we see vulnerability and other people, we see courage. In that aspect, Malcolm was the leader. He was the captain of a ship that made you feel comfortable to go to a place where you felt scared to go. He understood that really deeply, unquote. This is the relief, solace, and protection offered by listening to the music of Mac Miller. It exists and always will for as long as we listen.

While existence is temporary, these moments we connect through music are forever. These songs will carry us home. Mac then consoles us emoting, you don't ever got to worry, even when it's 7.30 and the time is running low. Here Mac seems to be describing nightfall. The onset of dusk is actually scientifically linked to sad moods and even depressive mind states. Whether it be the reduction in distractions, isolation, darkness, or disruptions to our circadian rhythms, the onset of night shrouds our minds as we seek shelter, and we become disoriented if we can't find refuge. Max offered to carry us home as thus an acknowledgement of this innate compulsion, and sanctuary from unease. The specificity of the time 730 might stem from the artist Bigel,

who Mack often praised as the reason he became a rapper. On the song Ebonnet, Bigel lists and translates different terms and phrases, including 730. Here Bigel explains that if you're 730, that mean you crazy. Here Bigel explains that if you 730, that mean you crazy, referring to the article 730 of New York criminal procedural law, which is essentially pleading insanity. In this sense, Mack saying 730 alludes to the madness of not having a grip on our mind, and Mac assures us that he's got our back, that we don't have to go insane. This reference is intentional. It's a deep cut, but Mac did

run a Bigel fan page when he was in high school and used Bigel as his Facebook profile photo. In a song that's reflecting the start of his journey, it only seems right to nod to his OG. That's what it is. But as far as being an MC, you know, the first rapper that really got me into wanting to be an MC was

a dude by the name of Bigel. Wow. Wow. From Harlem. And that was like that was a dude that made me want to pick up a pen and write. Mac has also used the time of 730 as a mortal test on his delusional Thomas side project, where he embodies a character who professed all the darkest, most terrible thoughts. Specifically, the time 730 appears on the ironically titled Halo.

Here Mack's character claims that he planned to kill myself when the clock hit 730. My head is dirty, took a suicide dive into some caminore. Now I'm chilling, chopin, screwing, I'll be sure. Here Mack's character claims that he planned to kill himself when the clock hit 730. 7.30, a chilling scheme. In 2009, Mack seems to continue this morbid association, as he says when it's 7.30 and the time is running low, as in close to death. It might be this villainous illusion that then leads Mack to rap, when your heart get cold, see what's behind all the unturned stones. A cold heart is typically a symbol of an evil person, but it could also allude

to a general unhappiness or poor self-esteem. Oftentimes the reason we commit heinous acts is because of internal sadness. These lyrics also evoked the image of lying in bed at night and fretting over all the what ifs, of worrying over every past moment and what we could have done differently. To leave no stoned unturned is an idiom meaning to do everything possible to find a solution, but when it comes to the never-ending threat of the mind's ability to create something out of nothing, perhaps the only solution is accepting the imperfection of whatever paths we end up taking. This was a struggle Mac knew well, as he explained, quote, I have a tendency to brood about stuff and cooking it.

I'll wake up and just sit here and think about it for hours. What I could have done better. How I could have gotten more rest. How I could have practiced this. How I could have worked this out. Just the what-ifs of all those kinds of things drives me crazy. I mean, but it is all stuff that I am trying not to think about as much and just keep moving and starting to accept love from people.

When people are like, oh, I really like this, being able to be like, oh wow, thank you, and actually feeling that, unquote. Mac then works toward the conclusion of his verse rapping, and I'm a pro when it comes to my job, but really I'm just trying to start believing in God. Here Mack highlights the economic concerns that cloud his desires, as being professional with work is nothing compared to seeking faith and spirituality. It gets at the deeper aim of the music he makes, not strictly for money, but an attempt at reaching something divine, something holy to believe in.

Mack's final words of the verse then imply faith, as he sings, now when it gets hard, I don't panic, I don't sound the alarm. He has come to a feeling of contentment, understanding, and acceptance, faith, even when it's hard. As Mac is about to sing, this is all because he doesn't need to lie anymore. In this context, we may think that this lie refers to the lying position associated with death. With his faith, Matt can move beyond the fear of death, trusting in the passage of time. When asked specifically what he would tell his younger self in tandem with the lessons of 2009, Mac explained, quote,

would just tell myself to worry a little less and not hold on to. Don't create all this weight for things. Everything has so much weight, but it's all just chapters. It's all just pieces of the story. There's going to be a next part. It's not a big deal. It's not. That's the thing.

Trust. The more I trust in who I am as a human being, the more I'm like, okay, this will all kind of figure itself out, as long as I do what feels natural. Because I don't need to lie no more. Nowadays, all I do is shine, take a breath and ease my mind. As we come to this end, Max's chorus is emboldened by multiple vocal layers,

adding to what was once a lone voice. The individual reckoning with time has become universal. In Max's voices, we hear our own, an intimate anthem for the ages. She don't cry no more. She tells me that I get her high because an angel's supposed to fly. I ain't asking why no more.

I know I take it if it's mine now, stay inside the lines it ain't 2009 no more. Yeah, I know it's behind that door. After the final chorus, Mac disappears into the music, in 2009 concludes with a minute-long musical outro, allowing us to fully immerse ourselves in the song's Tender Instrumental. It's in this extended outro that we have the fullest awareness of the music, and oftentimes this is when we can perceive the sounds that have been hidden in plain hearing. Specifically, I want to hone in on the high-pitched voices that come in and out. These high-pitched voices are sampled from that same Shanty's Got a Man song that forms the basis of the track.

But within the context of 2009, in the abstraction the sample trops create, these voices are up for interpretation. They could simply be musical textures, the high-pitched voices perhaps evoking children or childhood. But some dedicated Mac fans have conversed online about what they specifically hear these voices saying. The most common interpretation is, I love you, mom, then help me, and then, dad. I'll play the passage again, pointing out each phrase. I love you, mom, dad. Of course, these are subjective hearings of the phrases, but once pointed out, it does become somewhat hard not to hear them. It highlights one of the more interesting things about the abstraction of music and the subjectivity of individual experience when listening.

The song is fixed in time, yet our experience of it is forever fluid. What you hear is different from what I hear, and what you hear today will be different than what you hear years from now, as we grow and take on more experiences and information, our view of the world and everything therein evolves. But this specific interpretation brings Mack's parents into the fold, which regardless of intention does feel appropriate given 2009's fixation on the passage of Mack's career and life. Indeed, Mac has spoken directly to and about his mother Karen Myers through his music before. In turn, Mack's mother was always an outspoken fan of his music. In 2014, she was interviewed for the Mother's Day release of Max's mixtape faces. When asked what Max's song was her favorite, she said, quote, Well, I could say the song that he wrote for me.

I'll be there from Best Day Ever. I love that song. I love for the world's best mother. Yeah, it ain't fair. So I'm going to take care of her in her gray hair. When I get rich, I'll have her living like she should be. No stress. For the woman he called the world's best mother, Mack spent three minutes and 12 seconds on

All Be There publicly professing his love, a proclamation embedded into eternity through music. Mack also publicly showed love for his father, who he always identified as an incredibly creative and hard worker, who supported his son with keen attention to detail. Like my dad listens to every single thing, reads every word of every article that anyone, like my dad is like, sees everything, reads everything, which is awesome and not awesome at the same time because my dad will hit me about like every little thing that comes out on the internet. But it's great, you know, like to have a family that's, you know, not only in support of me following my dreams, but also just fans of what I do. it feels good to come home and have my family actually like the music I make. The love Mack displays for his parents is beautiful, and as 2009 functions,

it's also emblematic of a greater love of the world and the universe, loving our mother, as in loving Gaia, Mother Earth, the divine feminine, and loving our father, perhaps God, who Mac hopes to believe in. With his general acceptance and appreciation for his life on 2009, we feel Max's embrace of everything, the universe, the planet, the divine, and the eternal passage of time. And through the power of music, all of us become enveloped in this embrace. We all have our own 2009, those pivotal doors we open that change everything, for better or worse.

And Mac teaches us to be honest, reflective, and open to these experiences, however they have and will continue to unfold. With Mac having passed through that final mortal door, 2009 offers us infinity in a bottle, a lifetime embalmed, by music, a celebration of forever in a moment. A moment frozen in time, you know what I mean, that you get to really go and being. And especially right now so soon, like that energy is very, very, very, very present. People always talk about things like that in the wrong way where they say, like, like, you, it's not eerie. It's not, like, it's not, like, it's not weird. It's like, like, you can feel, it's not, you don't feel death, you feel life there.

I mean, like, that's what it is. It's not, you're not going to some place and it's, like, dark. Right. You know what I mean? Right. Because he passed there, it's like, you're going because it's, like, the life is still present. Less morning, more celebration?

Right, exactly. Which is like, man, that's a whole, another thing about how people need to start looking at life and death, you know? Yeah, man. Celebrating, man. Conclusions. If 2009 is before Mack's music career took off, it's before Mac had a relationship with his fans,

the fans that grew with him. For Mac, all of us were behind that door, and his reflections on 2009 are gratitude for our shared journey. This aspect of the individual becoming universal is something that Max strive for in his music. I think I'll be putting out music in some form for the rest of my life, man. I don't care if no one even listens to it. You know, it's not...

I don't care if it makes zero money. It might be less stressful if it makes zero money, man, you know. But I think you've got to pretend that no one listens. You got to pretend it you're just making music for yourself. Because when you do something for yourself and only for yourself and it translates to everybody else, that's like when I think true genius takes its form. That's when something new happens, you know.

Mack would expand on this line of thinking saying, quote, you eventually realize you're the only, only variable. The only difference is you. That's why you have to be that honest. You put so much of yourself into what you do, because in the end, you're the only thing that's different. You're the only thing that sets it apart, unquote. The Wisdom Mac offers here is pointing out our universal intrinsic attraction to authenticity and how true, unfiltered, honest expression of self forms the strongest bonds among humans. Because while the specifics of our experience vary, we're all swimming in the same water. We're all experiencing the same palette of human emotion, regardless of what activates them.

We bond ourselves with those who are both brave and talented enough to express those emotions with the kind of accuracy and scale that Mac Miller does. This is why, despite being so specific to his own life on 2009, the song connects with us so deeply. 20009's producer Eric G. also recognized this rare quality in the song, saying, quote, when we recorded 2009, it felt like something super meaningful to me. It was relevant to my life in a way. It's relevant to a lot of people. It's real emotional. I saw Mac the next day after we recorded, and he played it for everyone who was on the tour, and all of his close friends, and everyone said that they cried. It was really important to me that we were able to talk about what we talked about, and having it come out in the music. That one moment,

him listening, and he's just so honest about what's going on with him. He was telling me stories about shit that you probably wouldn't want to tell. He was honest, and he's just a person, you know? Unquote. This universal, timeless quality followed Mac Miller throughout his entire career. For instance, one specific phrase long associated with Mac is 92 till infinity, the title of an unreleased mixtape he was working on in the early 2010s. The phrase is a play on the classic Souls of Mishishish song titled 93 till infinity, and the mixtape was to be Max homage to the legacy of hip-hop that made him. fittingly, the number 93 was changed to 92, signifying Max's birth year. It's for this reason

the phrase has stuck, as it signifies a life and music that resounds forever. But if we look at the number 2009, we realize that all the figures of 92 till infinity are present, two and nine with infinity in the middle made of zeros. And perfect pairing with the concept of time and the reflective process of 2009, the numbers are backwards, 92 becoming 29, with infinity found within. That is, the infinite now, the everlasting moment of awareness that Mac has exposed throughout swimming. Indeed, in discussion of time on the album, we're coming to understand that all time is, was, and will be. That time doesn't give a fuck about clocks. And the unending passage of time can only be handled with an unending experience of time as it happens.

We cannot become stuck in the unavailable past or lost in the imaginary future. Now is only now. And life ain't a life till you live it. While nothing can replace the life of Malcolm McCormick, the humanity he's so elegantly captured in his music does live on as long as we keep listening in this eternal present. From 92, 2009 till infinity. Most dope. That's forever. It's a beautiful thing, man. Music is a beautiful thing.

All right. It's a beautiful thing, man. It's a beautiful thing, baby. It's a beautiful thing. Let me tell you something about music. It's beautiful. All right.