Dissect - S9E17 - Once a Day by Mac Miller

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

We continue our analysis of Mac Miller’s Circles with its final track “Once a Day” – one of the most intimate, honest, and heartfelt expression in Mac’s entire catalog. Follow Dissect on Tiktok, Instagram, and Twitter. This season includes discussion of substance misuse and addiction. For resources on these topics, visit spotify.com/resources. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When Malcolm McCormick first introduced himself to the world, he was a 15-year-old kid rapping under the moniker Easy Mac. While showing incredible ambition at this young age, the content of his first mixtape, but by Macint A. Easy is what you might expect from a high schooler. He's partying, chasing girls, and looking ahead, talking big about how bright is future is. With a good fam, I love money, I would marry cake. Get a rich bitch like Ashley and Mary Kate. And I ain't talking about one of them.

No, I'm getting boat, y'all. I grab them, get a loaf. Malcolm would soon outgrow his Easy Mac moniker, choosing the more sustainable but equally catchy Mac Miller. In a 10-year span, Mac would release six studio albums, nine mixtapes, and a live album, plus a handful of experimental projects under various pseudonyms. With each release, we witnessed an incremental step in the continued evolution of Malcolm McCormick. He shared with us his rises and falls, his wins and losses, each project exhibiting a little more nuance, musicality, introspection and wisdom. But sometimes witnessing evolution incrementally can blind us to the larger

progression taking place. For Malcolm McCormick, it takes no more than a simple back-to-back comparison to get a sense of the astonishing artistic leaps he achieved across his career. Because in just 10 years, Malcolm went for making youthful anthems like bars for days, that first song on his first project, to making introspective eternal ballads like once a day, the final song on Malcolm's final project. Once a day I rise, once a day I fall asleep with you. The juxtaposition is staggering, a sonic snapshot of the enormous yet wholly organic strides of Mac Miller the artist, which merely reflected the continued evolution of Malcolm McCormick, the human being.

I could try and evolve as an artist all I want, but if I'm not evolving as a human being first, it's going to be a disconnect. I mean, like I have to, I have to grow as a, and become a better person and become a more well-rounded individual before I can, like, evolve as any type of artist or whatever. From Spotify, I'm Cole Kushner and this is Dissect. Long-form musical analysis broken into short, digestible episodes. Today we continue our serialized examination on Mac Miller Circles with its final track, Once a Day. Once a Day was written by Mac Miller and produced by Miller and John Bryan. Mack initially wrote the song on piano, and we can hear

portions of this early version from a cell phone video Mac recorded of himself playing through the song at home. According to John Bryan, when Mac first shared this song with him, they decided that piano might not be the right instrument for it. He came over, played two or three things. That was one of them. I look forward to his visit so much because every time there was like this new discovery of like, you're hiding this. This thing is fully fleshed out. It's personal. It's heartbreaking. And I just said, hey, I just think the straight piano's a little typical. He was like, yeah, I wondered about that. I'm like, I've got this old, like, cool 70 synth, touch sensitive.

Why don't you just sit down, I'll dial in a song and play it? And as usual, he said, no, you play it. I'm like, no, play it. After deciding to change the piano to vintage synthesizer, Brian described the emotional experience of witnessing Mac record the song in the studio. I left the room, but I didn't quite. I closed the door. I didn't leave, not even slightly.

And I stood in the door, basically a room and a half away from the control room with the control room door open. And he started playing, and the vocal was coming out, and I wasn't having to be in the room and do any work. And he did a pass, and I could hear there was something on the keyboard needed adjustment, like it needed to be brighter or dark, and I just sort of came running and it's like, oh, sorry, just one thing.

And I went over to one dial and turned it a little bit. Sorry, just keep going. I'm fine. Boom. And I went back out and I stood in the hallway and I listened to a couple of takes and I bawled my eyes out. I kind of poked my head around the door and said, oh, I heard a little bit of that. That sounds good. Just do a double of that keyboard.

Just right now while it sounds up. Okay, cool. Boom, ran out into the hallway and cried again and dried my eyes out and went back. and went back in and sat through the usual, was that good? Are you sure you shouldn't just play it? I'm like, I love that. That's great. That was just killing me.

Once a day I rise. Once a day I fall asleep with you. Once a day I try, but I can't find a single word. Mack begins a song in playing anaphora, a rhetorical device in which successive lines begin with the repetition of the same word or phrase. He sings, Once a day, I rise. Once a day, I fall asleep with you.

Here we find some clever text painting, where the melody reflects the words being sung. When Max says, I fall asleep with you, he sings a descending melody. It falls lower and lower, matching the lyrics. Even the chords Mac sings over during this line contain a falling melody. Here's the chords by themselves. Now I'll single out the chromatic falling melody in the lyrics. these chords. Thematically, the opening rise and fall Max sings of continues one of the more prominent motifs heard throughout swimming in circles, varying emotional altitudes, the recurring highs and lows,

which have been found in Mack's use of aerial symbols like planes, space, and clouds, contrasting with the ground, the road, cars, and the basement. By affixing these highs and lows with the rise and fall of each day, Mack could be implying that highs and lows are as natural as the rise and fall of the sun, and the acceptance of this is part of reaching that balanced state he seemed to seek. At the time of swimming, Mack told Vulture, quote, I think being in a place where you can spend time in both and gain perspective on that other side makes you appreciate what each brings to the table. I wouldn't want just happiness, and I don't want just sadness either.

I don't want to be depressed. I want to be able to have good days and bad days. I feel like that's really important. I can't imagine not waking up sometimes and being like, I don't feel like doing shit, and then having days where you wake up and you feel on top of the world. And you get to experience both. I just think that makes the most sense to me at this. point in my life. For now, that's what I think helps create more growth for myself."

The rise and fall of each day also evokes the shape of a circle, an idea that circles back to the very beginning of the album. Mac began circles observing the circular nature of our perception of time, with each day day organized into hours, which are themselves tracked by a single rotation around a circular clock. These are the circles within circles that comprise the larger circle of our life and death on earth. This same observation is resurrected here in the opening of once a day, now paired specifically with waking up and falling asleep. We can even think about sleep as the death of each day, the necessary destruction required for the rebirth of a new day, which feels

in line with Max's understanding of metaphoric deaths and rebirth being necessary in personal evolution, letting a party of yourself die so that new life can emerge. On first blush, the inclusion of fall asleep with you implies intimacy, a partner by Mack's side he descends into sleep with. It's an incredibly sweet sentiment, though as the song progresses, it will become more clear that Mack likely isn't talking about a person next to him physically. Rather, it's the thought of them as he lies in bed at night physically alone, but mentally consumed.

We could even group the two lines together in this reading, in that Mac both wakes and falls asleep with this person on his mind. This undercurrent of isolation is continued in the next line. Every day I try, but I can't find a single word. Once again, Mac finds difficulty in communication. He desires connection, evidenced by his trying, but there's a disconnect between his feelings and his words, the accuracy of emotion lost in translation.

It's a sentiment that calls all the way back to the very beginning of swimming, where Mac wished to be friends with his neighbors, but failed to connect, just like those texts he never sent. with my head And I got neighbors They're more like strangers We could be friends I just need a way out of my end

With Mac beginning the journey of swimming in circles wishing for a way out of his head But seen with these opening lines of once a day He finds himself still in his head Right back where he started Couple this connection with the fact That these opening lines also call back to the beginning of circles And the meta structure of the double album

Is beginning to reveal itself It's circles within circles within circles, a web of interconnected ends and beginnings. And to think, we're just getting started. Matt continues in aphoric structure, this time switching from once a day to I wonder. He sings, I wonder what they know. I wonder if they ever even cared at all. Like many of Mack's songs, They is left ambiguous. It recalls the line, good news, that's all they want to hear. No, they don't like it when I'm down. In both instances, Mack is suspicious about the extent to which they care about him, knowing there are parts of himself that are not accepted or even known to others. And like good

news, there are multiple possibilities of who they could be. Perhaps it's that lover he thinks about at night, wondering if they think and care about him the way that he, does them. They could also be addressing his audience directly, wondering how much we really know about who he truly is, and questioning the authenticity of our affection. Like we've discussed throughout this season, while Mac expressed genuine appreciation for his fan base, he did question the general dynamic between artist and audience, understanding there was a limit to emotional bonds formed strictly through his art. He once tweeted, quote, I'm not a real person to most of you. I'm nothing but a name that is attached to something that you love. Most of you will never meet me,

unquote. In its ugliest forms, this artist- audience dynamic scales up to the horrors of the celebrity public dynamic, which had happened to Mack once he became romantically involved with Ariana Grande. In the final months of his life, the breakup with Grande was exploited by celebrity tabloids who dehumanized Mack and used his image as nothing more than a mechanism for ad revenue. It's no wonder why he might have been questioning the extent to which the public really knew or cared about him. Mac then closes out the verse singing, I wonder do they see their own reflection in the rain and look away. It's a striking image and develops both the weather and water motifs heard throughout swimming in circles.

Rain typically stands in for sadness or melancholy, while the reflection Mack refers to is likely seen in a puddle, the accumulation of sustained rain. It seems like Mack is wondering whether or not he's alone in his conflictions. Are others also in their head like he is, reflecting on the sorrow they feel? Do others share the same sense of introspection and existential weight? When he shares these thoughts out loud, is it connecting in a meaningful way? Or do they, or we, only want good news? Do they simply look the other way, able to more easily brush it off and keep moving?

The song's chorus finds Mack focused once again on time and pace, singing, Everybody Keep Rushing, Why aren't we taking? taking our time. This feels like a response to his previous question about stopping to look at a reflection in the rain. The rapid pace of contemporary society, the overwhelming amount of information, and the rat race to keep up, incentivizes us to be in a constant state of consumption, spinning on the proverbial hamster wheel, allowing little to know time for reflection or introspection. Like we've heard throughout circles, Mack here is making a call to the present moment, to slow down, to think, to breathe. It's yet another motivic development of one of the album's

central themes of time, with Mack staying consistent in his message and focus on the eternal now. We heard similar sentiments on circles, the opening track, when Mack watched the chaotic, declining world alongside his lover and encouraged them to slow down and take things one day at a time. Just like these passages on circles, Mac on once a day uses his delivery to accentuate his message as he leaves a full measure of vocal silence between each line. He's quite literally taking his time delivering these lines. Once a day's brief chorus then concludes with the haunting line, Every now and again, baby, I get high. Given Mack's fate, it's a hard line to swallow,

but there are also some musical reasons this line seems to stick out from the rest. First is the leap in the vocal melody on the words, get high. Mack jumps from an A up a fourth to a D. Once again, Mac is using musical details to reflect the words being sung, jumping high precisely on the word high. It's also the biggest melodic jump and the highest note he sings in the song, so relative to everything we've heard until now, it feels like a significant leap, almost strained. There's also the chords behind Mac to consider. Leading up to this line, the chord structure was a simple back and forth between G minor

and D minor, while Mac sung, everybody keep rushing, why aren't we taking our time? These chords are typical ones found in the song's key signature, meaning they don't really stick out to our ears at all. But when we get to the line every now and again I get high, the chord progression changes. We hear G minor, A major, and D minor. That second chord, A major, technically doesn't belong in the song's key signature. It's a type of borrowed chord called a secondary dominant. While there's a rabbit hole of music theory we can get into here, suffice it to say that the function of a secondary dominant chord is to provide a feeling of resolution and the chord that directly follows it.

In other words, it sets up and helps to make the following chord feel more impactful. It gives it some extra weight and gravity. In this instance, the chord that secondary dominant is giving extra weight to is the D minor that comes directly after it. Secondary dominant, D minor. It's precisely when we hear this heavy D minor that Max sings the word high, so the word itself also gets a dramatic lift from that secondary dominant. Adding to the drama of the moment even more is the fact that the light percussion behind the music up until this point, suddenly stops, and the D minor chord is sustained a full two measures, alone.

This is double the amount of time any chord is held in the rest of the song. D minor is also traditionally considered a very dark chord, with classical composers like Franz Schubert saying it's among the saddest chords in all of music. Everything we just discussed, the melodic jump in the melody, the secondary dominant, the percussion dropping out, the harrowing long sustain of the dark D minor, and Mack's lyrics, they all work together to create an extremely arresting musical moment. Given how many elements come together here, it's hard to think that Mack wouldn't have recognized the significance of this moment. And he could have sung anything. He could have changed

the lyrics. He could have shied away from his admission of indulgence. But to me, what makes this moment so powerful is how raw and honest it is. Like so much of swimming in circles, he's laying himself bare, not selling some romanticized version of himself, but rather completely honest about who he is in this moment of time. After the striking hook, Mack continues with verse two. We'll dissect that, along with the rest of Once a Day, right after the break. Welcome back to Dissect. Before the break, Mac ended Once a Day's hook with a striking musical and lyrical moment.

With verse two, Mack continues his honest expression of emotions. Don't ask me what I think. It never really matter what I had to say. I just keep waiting for another old. Mac begins verse two singing, Don't ask me what I think, and never really mattered what I had to say. It's a sentiment that feels in line with Mac wondering whether people care at all. With everybody rushing around, not stopping to reflect,

he wonders of expressing himself so vulnerably as connecting, if there's any point to putting himself out there. Mac might also be continuing his thoughts about the impossibility of managing public perception. While he could attempt to control his narrative, He might feel like it's a futile exercise, knowing people are going to think whatever they want regardless. He told Volcher at the time of swimming, quote, You know what's funny? I feel like the public perception of me varies on who you ask,

but I think there's a bit of freedom in knowing that people are going to think all types of shit no matter what. It actually makes me less stressed about how my actions are perceived. It's out of my control, unquote. Mac continues the verse singing, I just keep waiting for another open door to come up soon. Mac once again revisits the door symbolism, heard most prominently back on Swimming's 2009, where the door represented the divide between his life pre and post fame. Also in good news, Mack sung, I heard they don't talk about me too

much no more, and that's the problem with the closed door. Here the door symbolized the divide between the interior and exterior, between Mack being stuck inside his head and outside interacting with the world and making connections. We can use this dual understanding to inform our interpretation of the door referenced here on once a day, where Mac is waiting for an open door, implying that the current one is closed. Mack is both inside, in his head, and disconnected from the outside world, and waiting for a new chapter in his life to begin, perhaps one where he goes outside and interacts with the world again. As we discussed many times this season, Mack saw life as a sequence of chapters, trusting that during the downtimes, there will be better days ahead. He told Volcher, quote,

Everything has so much weight, but it's all just chapters, is all just pieces of the story. There's going to be a next part. It's not a big deal. That's the thing, trust. The more I trust in who I am as a human being, the more I'm like, okay, this will all kind of figure itself out, as long as I do what feels natural, unquote. This acceptance of the fluidity between beginnings and ends exhibits the wider trust in the universe he seemed to have reached toward the end of his life, allowing things to take their natural course.

While he seems to be in a period of reclusiveness here on once a day, tucked away from the outside world, he remains unhurried, confident that the door out of his head will one day open, like it always has in the past. head the only place that you know nobody ever can see you're running low regret no tears that's keeping you wet i think you're getting it now mac continues verse two don't keep it all in your head the only place you know nobody can ever see it's as if mac is talking to himself here expressing knowledge he knows to be true but can't always actualize throughout both swimming in circles mac has shown keen self-awareness about the consequences

of some of his actions. He understands bottling up his emotions, keeping it all hidden away in his head, will deteriorate him from the inside out. He understands deeply the importance and healing power of self-expression and connection with others. But like he stated in the intro, sometimes he tries, but just can't find the words. Sometimes we know exactly what we need to do, but don't always have the means to do it. But the beauty of Mack's music is that we are able to witness him actualizing solutions in real time. In writing and performing the song, he is finding the words. He's getting at least some of those thoughts out of his head and into the world through his art. And as if taking his own advice, Matt continues singing, you're running low on regret, no tears that's keeping you wet. I think

you're getting it now. Paired with the previous line about keeping things in your head, this once again feels like a callback to the beginning of the swimming in circles journey, where Mack also coupled regrets with unexpressed thoughts kept in his head. While come back to Earth found Mack wishing When Mac's a bit of strangers We could be friends I just need While come back to Earth found Mack

wishing for a way out of his head Living in the regrets of his past There's a bit of progression here At the end of Mack's journey across these two albums implied by the line, I think you're getting it now. He's now low on regret,

able to more healthily stay in the present moment rather than be consumed by the past he cannot change. It's the closest thing we'll get to a resolution in swimming in circles. Rather than conflate an unrealistic absolution of his problems, some reality where Mac will be happy forevermore. He simply found a more sustainable way to endure life's inevitable currents, better equipped to address the recurring problems he knows he will face. This ability to take things in stride was also observed by those closest to Mac during the

creation of circles. Vick Weinstein told the book of Mac, quote, With circles, there were a lot of things I noticed, emotionally and otherwise, that he had finally made peace with. He was able to move forward and grow. That's why I think circles, and swimming came together in such an awesome way, without so much grueling effort, because he was in a mental space where he could be okay with things. Before, that wasn't always the case, unquote. There's also the possibility Mac is addressing the romantic partner that seems to be present throughout once a day.

Specifically the lines, you're running low on regret, no tears that's keeping you wet, could be a direct reference to Ariana Grande's song, No Tears Left to Cry. The lead single from her 2018 album Sweetener, No Tears. left to cry finds Ariana ready to move on, with the title implying she's undergone her fair share of grief, expending all the tears she possibly could. At the time of the song's release, many assumed she was referring to the terrorist bombing that occurred at her concert in Manchester, the death of her grandfather, and the breakup with Mac Miller, whom she was with for two years. The first line of the song's pre-chorus feels especially relevant in the world of swimming in circles,

as Ariana sings, coming out even when it's raining down. It's a line that uses weather and inside-outside motifs, which Mack is also frequently employed, implying that Ariana is ready to engage with the world again. Even when she knows doing so will inevitably involve some rain or hardship. Thus, Mack's line, I think you're getting it now, could be heard as a response to Ariana's newfound ability to get on with it. In his interview with Zane Lowe, Mack expressed a similar attitude, seemingly happy that she was able to move forward. Quote, I was in love with somebody, we were together for two years, we worked through good times, bad times, stress, and everything else. And then it came to an end and we both moved on.

And it's that simple. It's all positive energy. I'm happy for her in moving forward with her life, just as I'm sure she is happy with me. Mack performs a brief bridge singing, and everybody means something when they're stuck on your mind. Really for the first. first time on the song, it's made clear Mac is in fact thinking of someone else, that the thing

that has kept him inside his head is this other person. This would seem to be more evidence that the previous verse was a reference to him and Arianna parting ways. In the aftermath of a breakup, it's common for the other person to consume your thoughts, as your mind and body adjust to your life without this love. Studies have even shown that thinking about an ex after a breakup can activate the posterior brain regions that are responsible for a feeling of acute grief or mourning. It's a feeling most of us have experienced. It hurts, and it can at times feel impossible to escape the torment of your own mind. Perhaps this is what inspires Mack's next line, but every now and again, why can't we just be fine? It's a plain-spoken existential plea, similar to the one Mac

expressed on good news when he asked, why can't it just be easy? That is to ask, why isn't it easy to be alive? Why can't we just be fine? It seems twisted that the gift of life and love can be at times unbearable. Coming off this bridge centered on Mac's mind consumed by the thoughts of another person, the final outro section, a repetition of the intro, feels all the more like Mac rising and falling with this person on his mind, another day spent alone in his head. out one of the most intimate, heartfelt songs of his musical career with the line, but I just can't find a single word. The music then ends abruptly, the sudden silence perhaps standing in for the words Mac just can't find. With ones a day being for all

intents and purposes the final song on his final album, the irony here is that Mac Miller gave us so many words. From 2008's by Macing ain't easy to 2020 circles, we have over a decades worth of words from the mind of Mac Miller, words that traverse the life and evolution of a talented, kid from Point Breeze, Pennsylvania to the mature, reflective, and honest adult Malcolm McCormick grew to be. We praise and love and admire and connect with Max so deeply because he did try, and the many words he found were always so honest and relatable and vivid and so fucking beautiful. And everybody means something when they stuck on your mind. But every now and again, why can we just be fun?

Now, upon hearing the outro of once a day, there's a number of things to discuss as we reach the end of circles. The first thing we notice is that the outro's lyrics mirror the intro's lyrics, and the beginning and the end of the song is the only place that we hear them, enclosing the song in a lyrical circle. The final chord we hear on the song also demands consideration. It's what's called an F-augmented chord with an added second, an ambiguous, dissonant chord you don't often hear in pop songs. It's a strange chord to end on because it's tonally very unstable,

and it doesn't resolve the song as we expect. Because the song is in the key of F major, we're primed to hear an F major chord as the chord of resolution at the end of the song, creating a nice feeling of completion and rest. Here's how the end of once a day would sound if the song ended on the F major chord. The majority of songs end this way, on the song's home chord. But once a day remains open, ended, and unresolved, hanging on that dissonant chord until evaporating into silence.

Recall that the opening song's circles did the same thing, ending on an unresolved chord that we then discovered is resolve if you start the song over, creating a musical circle. And you can probably guess where this is going. Once a day begins with an F major chord, the exact chord of resolution we're craving at the end of the song. So not only does once a day contain a lyrical circle, it can also be heard as a musical circle, as the last chord is resolved by its first, yet another end tied to a beginning. A single word Once a day I rise

Once a day I fall Beautifully, the musical loop reflects the song's lyrics Mirroring the rise and fall And the repetition of succeeding days, the end seamlessly connecting to its beginning Just as the night connects seamlessly into each new day. It circles, within circles, within circles. And with this in mind,

There's one final thing to discuss about that unresolved chord at the end of once a day. Because not only can a doubt dissonant chord provide tension that's resolved by a chord in the same key signature, which is what happens when you start once a day over. It can also be resolved by a chord in an entirely new key, triggering what's called a modulation, which is when a piece of music changes keys. I'll spare you some of the technical details here, but suffice it to say that when you hear a dissonant chord, we crave resolution, and as long as that resolution is provided somehow, well, our ears don't

so much care where it comes from. I remember listening to circles when it first came out, and my ears really crave resolution at the end of the album. It actually kind of stumped me, only because it was so obviously unresolved. And knowing both Mack and John Bryan's attention to detail and musical expertise, I knew it was left that way intentionally. Exactly why it was left unresolved, well, that's anyone's guess. I thought maybe it ties in with the last line Mack sings on the song, once a day I try, but I can't find a single word. The missing last chord might stand in for the words Mac just can't find. Or I thought maybe it's some kind of comment on the life of Mac Miller, unresolved or cut short.

This nagged at me so much that I literally had the album playing on repeat trying to figure it out. I was sitting in my living room when I once again heard the final moments of the album. And then the album started over. I remember running straight to my piano, fumbling around on the keys trying to figure out the chord circles begins with, eventually realizing it's this one, E major. Then I played through the chords of once a day, and when I got to that final unstable chord the album ends on, I followed it with this E major chord. Again, I'm going to spare you the technical details here,

but this is a proper resolution. The final unresolved chord of circles is resolved by the chord that begins the album. It closes the loop. Not only does the song circles form a musical circle, not only does the song Once a Day form a musical circle. The entire album Circles is a musical circle. It's circles within circles, within circles,

one final end connected to a beginning. With Mac unable to oversee circles entirely, we're left wondering if it's even possible that these details were intentional. But to me, it doesn't really matter. They are there. And just like Mac himself said about the unintentional bond between his life and his music, quote, The shit just connects. You just have to get out of your own way, and everything will just connect for itself. Shockingly, right before you fall. Stumbling around, you've been guessing your direction except you can see it all.

Shockingly, there's still one final revelation about swimming in circles that we've yet to reveal, and it just might be the biggest one yet. We'll cover all that and much more on the season 9 finale. Next time on Dissect.