EverydaySpy Podcast - How to Charm Anyone Using This CIA Hack

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

FREE TEST: Find Your Spy Superpower HERE - https://yt.everydayspy.com/spot_20260625 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

a really great tool that blew my mind when I went to CIA. So I was 27 years old when CIA recruited me. I thought that I was a good conversationalist. I thought I was pretty good with the women. I thought I was like, at least a better than average social talent. And then I realized very quickly that I was a dumbass, right? And a big part of my dumbassery was that I spent most of my time talking about me, talking about my history, my experience, my qualifications, my ideas, right? CIA taught me that there's a very simple process to rapidly build trust and influence in other people, and that process involves asking two questions and then making one validating statement. And then after that validating statement, you repeat the same cycle again.

and that the process of asking questions and validating other people's ideas subconsciously makes the other person think that you are like them. And it makes them feel like they are interesting and they are important and they are relevant. And then they have a dopamine rush that makes them feel good being around you. Now you're a dating expert. What's a good intro? like role playing. You're going to ask M, you're going to persuade M, you're going to get influence over her.

I mean, persuasion first. What's like, obviously it's a situation dependent, but are there like, is there a bank that you start with, like your go-toes? Also, I'm an actor, so it's a little, I mean, I'm sure you are also an actor. I mean, that's kind of what you had to do as a spy. But let's do, can we do it? Let's do it. So M, I'm going to ask you not to act.

I'm going to ask you to try to be genuine. I don't even know who I am. So this will be fun. That's all right. So from what you've shared today, I already know you're a mom, and I already know that you're, and I've watched your channel enough to know that you've been through a divorce, right? So let me start with this, M.

I will start with, what did you do first thing this morning with your kids? What was the first thing you did with your kids today? My kids didn't stay over last night, and my other one's in college. But do you want me to take an example of when my kid was at my house? No, I want to start right where you were. Oh, of course you do. I can see what you're doing. Okay, go ahead. I need to meet you where you are, right? Okay. My older son's in college and my younger son is at his dad, so I woke up alone today. What's it like to wake up in an empty house when you know you're a parent?

It's two things. It's kind of a sadness, kind of a pull. My son describes it as there's an invisible string, you know, that's very, very long because wherever he is, I'm attached to him. And then there's also an element of kind of like, I don't have to wake up, make a lunch, and get the kid on the bus by 7 in the morning. So a little bit of relief as well. I swear that you just described what I wonder about my own future. Like when my children leave, I feel like I'm going to be sad, but I also feel like I'm going to be happy? Should I write you a check for a million dollars? Is that what happens? So what does that mean for your work productivity?

Does that make it very easy to work? or does that make it kind of distracting to work? No, I think I'm pretty practiced at it. I've been divorced for 12 years, so I have a rhythm that I've fallen into when I'm alone. What does the rhythm for work look like? Well, it means that I can take my time, you know, making my protein smoothie or whatever I'm going to do for breakfast.

And then I get to sit down, do some emails, you know, look at my phone, check the news just once. Don't want to get obsessed about it. I actually also start my day with a protein smoothie. I use a protein called True Greens. Have you ever heard of them? They're pretty amazing. No.

So what's the protein that you use? I use, well, they used to sponsor our podcast. I use Puri, which is a vegan protein powder. I also use vegan proteins because, first of all, I just find that they are easier to digest. But also, I find that vegan proteins are a more viable solution for long-term muscle growth when I'm older. That was the cycle of three. That was a cycle of three. The last cycle had one question in a follow-up,

but I could feel the rapport building. It was happening. How did it feel to you, though? M, you know what was happening to you. So how did it feel to you? It felt like I was at a bar and a guy was trying to get me into bed. But that's just because that's my fear about people, like, trying to connect with, you know, me.

Also, she doesn't like to talk about herself in when asked questions specifically. So, like, you're putting her in a very awkward position. I definitely, I felt like, oh, you're relating to things. You're finding the similarities, not the differences. So, yeah, I would imagine that it does. It feels like a connection. It feels like you get me. It feels like I want to share more with you.

It feels like I'd go on a date with you if you gave me your number. So here's the twisted side of this very effective dating technique. I don't want to make a spy baby yet, though. We need to have three dates first. He doesn't have protein in the morning. He never as imagined his children leaving the house. All of that was fake. No.

Actually, the twisted part here is I now know a great deal about you, M. But you still don't know anything new about me from that process, really. Right. I know that you start your day in the morning. I know that you like to move slow. I know that you have a child in college and a child that's at your husband's house. I know that you used to have a protein sponsor for this, podcast. Did I not ask enough questions about you? Is that why we're not going on a date?

I grew up on Blossom, M. If you want a date, I will fly to L.A. and take you to dinner. I will just tell my wife, I have to do this. But what you're saying is that what you were able to do was establish rapport, established trust, and this kind of connection without you actually having to reveal anything about yourself so that if that's the relationship you need to establish out in the field, you haven't really given up anything of yourself. Correct. It's a tool that we call informational superiority. Now, you feel good being around me, hopefully,

but you don't know anything about me. So when you meet your friend and you say, I met this guy, she's like, tell me about him. You're like, I actually don't know anything about him. But he's very interested in me, and that's what's most important. But we've all had that moment. We've all had that moment where we realize, I actually don't know anything about that person.

That's me and Jonathan. I was like, why are we here? That is now, essentially, Jonathan, what we are able to do now is we just created a systematic process to make that happen all the time. With clients, with customers, with possible future dates, with in-laws, with business partners. It's predictable because the human brain is predictable in any language and any age. So what you've created is a way to get information, but more importantly, for someone to feel comfortable with you that you have shown interest. And because what most people actually want is for someone to be interested in them

and to have space held for them and reflected back and finding similarities. There's nothing people love more than, oh my gosh, that person understands me and has little sparks of similarity. You're exactly right.