EverydaySpy Podcast - The CIA Trick That Makes Women Chase You (Without Saying a Word)

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

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Do you have any other spy tricks that you can share with us? No, there are so many, Francesca, because we don't call them tricks. We call them tactics. We call them tactics. Spy tactics that build trust, spy tactics that build confidence, spy tactics that give you an unfair advantage. There are spy tactics that you can use for everything from how to shoot a gun to how to tie your shoes. There's spy tactics for how you pack a bag.

There's spy tactics for what you eat and drink in the morning. There's spy tactics for how you talk to somebody who's senior to you. How do you talk to somebody who's younger than you? How do you talk to a female that is attractive to you? How do you talk to a female who is not attractive to you? How do you talk to a female who is older than you and also attractive to you? I mean, there's tactics for all of it because at the end of the day, what a spy is trying to do, is achieve a very specific outcome. And the only way that you can get your outcome is if you

understand how to take advantage of the subconscious of your target so that you can deliberately move the conversation in a direction that benefits you. That does not mean manipulate everyone. What it means is when you are on a mission with a specific outcome that you're trying to achieve, you take deliberate actions to trigger with high probability the outcome that you desire. Now I want to know what tactics do you is to talk to a female that you're attracted to. That's a great. Okay. So if you're talking to a female that you're attractive to, that you're attracted to,

but you do not want her to know that you are attracted to her. It's called parallel conversation. you don't talk to her really at all directly. Instead, you talk to somebody who is parallel to her. So if you want to approach a girl at a bar that you're attracted to, but you don't want her to know that you're attracted to her, don't talk to her when you walk up to the bar. Talk to the person sitting next to her at the bar.

Maybe it's a boy. Maybe it's a girl. Maybe it's an old person. Maybe it's a young person. Maybe there's nobody else at the bar. So you talk to the bartender. But you do not show her that you're attracted to her. Because subconsciously what will happen is you will engage in a conversation.

That conversation will be between you and the person you're talking to, which means two centers of energy start to generate shared energy. That is going to naturally attract the curiosity of the third person. If you've ever found yourself listening in on someone's conversation, when you were like, why am I even doing this? That's why. It's because they started a conversation. They created an energy center that your body couldn't resist because of survival instinct.

What if they know something? I don't know. What if they talk about something? I don't realize? What if one of them is crazy? Your survival instinct takes over and it forces you to listen in. And that's why some of us try to not eavesdrop. We're like, oh, I shouldn't be listening to them, but I keep listening to them.

I'm not even interested in what they're talking about. But I keep in. I keep listening to them. So it's called parallel conversation. if you ever want to talk to a female that you are attracted to without letting her know that you're attracted to her. Is that a spy tactic? Don't let her know you're attracted to her? Absolutely. It absolutely is because in every relationship, you have to consider the dominance in the relationships. And the leverage that you have over each other is what determines the dominance that you have.

So if you're trying to approach a target, remember, in CIA speak, we're not approaching a date. We're approaching a target of interest. That target of interest is a bad guy usually. They're a drug dealer. They're a smuggler of children. They're the wife of a senior general, right? There's somebody important. So you want to never give them the leverage to have dominance over you right out of the gates because it's confusing to the relationship.

Instead, you have to find a way to approach them on equal footing. If I talk to you, you have the dominant position because I'm deferring my attention to you before you defer your attention to me. But if I talk to somebody next to you and you then join the conversation, I have dominance to you because you are showing me attention before I'm showing you attention. Now, if you want to talk to somebody who you are attracted to, then you do want to give them the benefit of dominance. because what you want to do is you don't ever want to come across as a threat to them. One of the ways that you can make sure that you don't trigger a threat response is by letting that person know they're in the dominant position. So you would find a way, a reason, a cause to approach them that is not threatening to them.

So you come up to them and maybe you ask them a question that's unrelated to them, right? You ask them, you know, do you know where the restroom is? or you ask them if they've been to this, you know, have you been to this bar for? Even as cliche as that is, have you been here before? Strangers ask each other that all the time. They ask themselves, they ask each other, have you had this, have you had coffee here before? Do they have good food here? Like, have you ever had their pizza?

Like, we say that stuff to waiters. We say that stuff to bartenders. We say that stuff to baristas. We say that stuff to same-sex people in a social scenario. So it's not actually cliche because it really is something that's used. But the goal is to ask a question that's unrelated to the fact that you're attracted. But what you're doing is you're creating a shared energy that is not threatening energy. CIA believes that all people are born with a spy secret superpower.

For some people, that means they can win deals for others. They can spot liars. Some can even seduce lovers. I built a free three-minute test to help reveal to you exactly what your secret hidden superpower is. All you have to do is click on the link in the description below. Take the test and start using your spy superpower to stay ahead of 99% of people. Because if I come up to you and I say something like, I'm lost and I'm looking for the nearest hamburger place,

you don't feel like I'm here to threaten your survival. You feel like I'm some dumbass who's lost asking about a hamburger place in a wine bar. That's all I need because now I'm, I am closer to my objective of getting you to trust me as a non-threat when in fact, I am a threat. You see what I'm saying? Something else I want to ask you is, how do you deal with fear and anxiety in high-pressure situations as a spy? Do they look for people that are low in anxiety? You know, this is a great question that shows some of the myth in Hollywood. and the myth in the general public's understanding of spies,

the best spies are not actually people who don't have anxiety. The best spies are people with high anxiety. And CIA actively recruits people with anxiety because anxious people are naturally more attentive. They are naturally more suspicious. They are naturally more observant. They naturally have a stronger recollection, right? It's a superpower.

Anxiety is a superpower in the world of espionage. However, if it goes untrained, it can be very damaging because anybody who has anxiety knows the spiral that comes out of anxiety. So what CIA does is they teach us how to recover, recuperate, and maintain our energy reserves, our mental health, because they also know that they're tapping into our anxious tendencies. So that's another reason why sleep is so important. That's another reason why diet's not the food that you eat, but the order of what you eat, such as water first, is so important. That's why exercise is a priority for us, because these are all things that counter and combat anxiety, right? Sunlight or vitamin D combats anxiety. Routines and schedules combat anxiety.

When one of the things that my wife is also a CIA officer and my wife has a, a general anxiety disorder, like a clinical disorder. And one of the things that keeps her sane is a routine that goes wherever she goes. So she can always have hard-boiled eggs. Anywhere in the world you can find eggs and you can boil them and you can eat them. Very, very predictable for her. Anywhere in the world, you can make some kind of hot tea, right? Whether that is cinnamon tea or mint tea or green tea or jasmine tea, you can make it pretty much anywhere. So steeping some kind of plant in hot water to make tea is another thing that she uses. So that's part of her routine. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't have some kind of hot drink first thing in the morning after she's had

her water. And when possible, in most cases, she also has either boiled eggs or scrambled eggs or some kind of cooked egg. It's a very predictable, calming, anti-anxital routine. That's amazing because it's such a simple thing that you can do, you know, just having a routine, but it's so effective. And one of the things that people don't realize is that 90% of your anxiety that you will feel during the day is actually determined in the first two hours of your day. So if you start your day and there's a number, there's a lot of changes or there's a lot of threats or there's a lot of confusion, you've just determined with almost 90% certainty that you will have lots of anxiety throughout the day. But if you can start the first two hours

of your day in a low anxiety state, then you can present and protect your energy reserves for the rest of the day. And that's something that a lot of people get wrong. They think that they should start their day with caffeine and checking their phone and catching up on the news and all these things that cause them anxiety. And all they're doing is they're ruining the rest of their day. When instead, if you just set an alarm on your phone for when you can pick up your phone, don't set an alarm for when to wake up. Set an alarm for when you can pick up your phone. So then you wake up, you can't even touch your phone. So you can't go looking for things that make up. You can't go looking for things that make you anxious. Instead, you go for a walk, drink some water, eat your eggs, drink your tea,

read a magazine, read your favorite book, and then your phone alarm goes off and then you can check the news. Completely transforms the level of anxiety that you feel throughout the day. That's so useful. And if you are in a high pressure, high anxiety situation, what is something that you use to calm down your nerves? So, I mean, this is a very important. This is a very important. where it really gets to a lot of the same cognitive behavioral therapy that anybody with anxiety has experienced before, right? There's breathing techniques like box breathing, right? There's also breathing techniques that intentionally hyperventilate or hyper oxygenate your bloodstream because all that extra oxygen in your bloodstream will go into your brain and help you quickly,

cognitively rationalize your way through the emotional feelings that you're having. There's also a technique that CIA calls stress inoculation, which means that you intentionally find moments of stress in a safe environment. You intentionally find moments of stress in order to inoculate your body with what that stress feels like so that when you feel the stress again, it's not the first time. Do you remember when we were talking about the recruitment process for CIA? We were talking about how they put you through role plays and they put you through scenarios, A big part of why they do that is because they are testing whether you have been inoculated to stress and confusion or whether those moments will cause you to freeze.

And there are some people who freeze because they've never been inoculated to that kind of stress. This is what happens when you have somebody who, you know, grew up in a quiet home because they were a single child. And then they end up going to a birthday party at another home where they have six children. And you can see that child frozen. like, what is this chaos happening all around me? They've never been inoculated to that much noise, that much activity, that much chaos. So you can always inoculate yourself as an anxiety, a person of anxiety or an anxious person.

You can always inoculate yourself to the stressors that other people experience in a safe environment. You can ask your friend to take you to a concert. You can ask your friend to take you to a busy restaurant. You can ask your friend to pretend they're a boy. flirting with you. You can ask your friend to pretend they're a girl rejecting you. You can do all of these things so that you experience the stress and you learn the feelings and you cope and process the anxiety before it actually happens. That's extremely useful. It sounds to be like exposure therapy. Yes, that's exactly. That is the commercial term for what the military and government

call stress inoculation. Okay. And my last question to you is, what advice would you give someone that wants to become a CIA spy? I would have, I would say two things. First, thank you for wanting to defend our country, because we need strong, capable, courageous people to start working and become clandestine officers at CIA. The second thing I would say is you must understand that once you take that path, you are no longer the priority. Your family is not the priority. Your children, your mother, your father, your spouse, none of those people are the priority. The priority becomes the protection of American national security. The primacy of American power becomes the primary objective. So you will leave your family. You will lie to your family. You will hurt your own body

in pursuit of whatever the policymaker and the president decide is principal to maintaining American primacy. That might be a big deal. That might be something like a war in Ukraine or a war in Afghanistan. Or it might be something that you think is trivial, like oil prices or rice prices or the trade of soybeans. But your opinion will never matter again because once you sign up for that task, you are a tool for American national security.