ExtinctZoo - Humans vs Neanderthals In The Olympics

Episode Date: March 22, 2026

Neanderthals, we just can't get enough of them, and I am sure some of you have wondered what it would be like if these guys suddenly came back to life, but what about if they came back and then participated in the Olympics?

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your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. That's Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. Of all the international events that the world throws, the Summer Olympics, or Games the Olympiad, is among the most famous and prestigious. And it's generally agreed upon that these summer games are one of the most watched repeating events on the planet, with only the FIFA World Cup and the Cricket World Cup being equals. Officially speaking, this event, this event, has occurred every four years since 1896, minus a few canceled and delayed games here and there, and sees the world pit Nation against Nation, in order to see who as the best athletes.

And while things can feel quite intense and competitive, we often forget that ultimately this is just a tournament amongst ourselves, meaning, no matter what, it's always going to be a homo sapien that wins, which is a bit rigged if you ask me. But what if it wasn't just modern humans competing? What if we chucked in a now extinct human into the mix? After all, there are so many to choose from, but I think by a landslide, the most interesting to see compete would be the species we can't seem to get enough of. Neanderthals, undoubtedly the most famous humans, besides, well, ourselves.

And thus this would beg the question of, would their hypothetical involvement, would the results of the Olympics be the same, or would we suddenly be handing out medals to our relatives left and right? After all, while they were the same genus as us, Neanderthals were built very differently, and in many ways were absolute freaks of nature, capable of certain feats that you or I would find nearly superhuman. And because of this, there are a few sports in the Summer Olympics where, regrettably, I think we would be getting absolutely destroyed if Neanderthals made a comeback. Now, one of the first things you notice about these guys is that our ancient cousins were built like little tanks. On average, both males and females back then were shorter than modern-day humans,

with a normal specimen being about 14 centimeters or 5.5 inches shorter than us, while the tallest individuals came in at around 5'10 or 1.78 meters. And yet one thing that's interesting is that humans at the time were about the same size in height as Neanderthals back then, so who knows how tall they would be if they grew up in our modern environment. However, regardless, if we take these ancient Neanderthals, despite this vertical difference in the skeleton, which you may consider to be a drawback at first, know that in reality they had an immense edge over us when it came to both thickness and robustness, typically being far heavier than modern humans, with the males weighing around 83 kilograms

or 183 pounds, while the females came in closer to 66 kilograms or 146 pounds. So, in other about 20% heavier. And really, virtually every bone within their body was thicker, heavier, and larger than ours, in some cases even being twice as dense, with their shoulders, femurs, arms, ribcage, and kneecaps being particularly well built. And what this implies is that when you add meat and flesh their bones, you suddenly had an extremely muscular human in a compact stature that naturally was far stronger than we are. In prehistoric times, this strength would have helped with their hunting style, which largely consisted of close quarter kills on massive megafaunal prey such as mammoths. Now, obviously there are no willy mammoths in the

Olympics, but their raw strength was still come in very handy for the sports that require raw power, with the most obvious example of this being weightlifting. In the Olympics, premier exercise is a snatch and cleaner jerk, a workout that relies on legs, back, shoulders, and core, all of which Nantithal's head, with their shorter size actually being helpful in this area too, creating a shorter lever that needs to be moved in order to complete the rep. And while no one has ever estimated how much a train Nanderthal could actually snatch, and clean and jerk, based off of the thickness of its bones, their length, and a Neanderthal's overall build, it has been said that the average male Neanderthal might have been able to bench press

up to 500 pounds or 200 kilos, which is, you know, just like lifting a full on line. And then the woman were freakishly powerful too, possibly being able to clean 350 pounds or 160 kilos based off of the same estimate, numbers that automatically put them in elite modern human standards. And again, that's an untrained Neanderthal. So just imagine what they would be like with human training, diets, and a little bit of juice. We're not talking about apple juice here. Their builds would also make them lethal foes in the wrestling and judo department, where their shorter, ancient heights would help them once more, as it gave them a lower center of gravity that helped for balance,

while their pelvices are much wider and stronger than ours, serving as an anchor. Additionally, all those massive muscles I mentioned makes a huge difference in these events, and in life they often already were tossing around huge amounts of meat. In fact, one article inferring a study on their yearly needs of meat, found that your average Neanderthal Joe would have consistently been dragging 50 pounds of meat for over 30 miles, given both the typical range of their hunting operations and the need for multiple meat moving trips back and forth. Reflecting that their overall design was based on a life where lifting heavy objects was mandatory, not a choice. What's more is that these guys were designed to get roughed up and just keep going on,

with many Neanderthal specimens bearing signs of catastrophic injuries, which they, by the way, seemingly shrugged off like it was a stubbed toe. And to really just drive this home, based on one sample, test, researchers found that over 70% of skeletons showed signs of having endured violent animal encounters, such as with big cats, wolves, and bears, and yet somehow walked away alive. And so, if you can get through these animals in a fight, something tells me you can square up with a modern human and do just fine, be it wrestling or judo. And my thought here also extends over to boxing. Now, yes, the arms of reach of a modern human would give our fighters a reach

advantage, but if you look at guys like Mike Tyson, you find out that height isn't everything in boxing, especially when you're thick and body in school would protect you from punches that would knock most people out in one go. And a good yet extreme example of how their dense bones could be a huge advantage is seen in one certain American family who possesses a mutation that has made their bones far dense to the normal. And as a result of it, one of the members was able to shrug off a violent car crash with only minor injuries.

And another had bones so dense that they were unable to even get a joint replacement, with the bones literally being too hard to drill through. So, yeah, pretty big advantage. Plus, their offense is obviously going to be nuts too. with again all those massive muscles and bone structure generating ridiculously powerful punches. So even if one did not have the best technique, I still sure as heck would not want to be on the receiving end. Now, in karate and taekwondo, where kicking is allowed, things would start to get a bit more balanced in our favor, as our longer legs would help us better strike at the Neanderthal and help us keep a safe distance from their strikes.

Now, again though, this is talking about ancient Neanderthals, and if we actually took a Neanderthal to the present and had them grow up in our environment, there's no saying how tall they'd be. And something else about these guys that pretty much just scream that would be great at combat sports is a physical trade found on the cellular level, and it has to do with muscle fibers. In every Neanderthal's muscle, and ours and pretty much every other muscle for that matter, is loads and loads of muscle fibers that can either be fast twitch or slow twitch. Now, fast-switch muscle fibers are better for short bursts of speed and power, as they contract much faster and with more force. And in modern humans, there's already a variable amount, with some people having more fast twitch and others having less. But in Neanderthals, let's just say that they had a very high concentration of these fast-switching fibers, highlighting that they had explosive power.

And what's interesting is that even in combat sports today, and many sports where strength, power, and speed are required, we see that these fast-switch fibers are very important, as the majority of elite athletes in these sports have a genotype that actually results in higher amounts of them. And so when you combine their muscle fibers with their overall large powerful build, I reckon Neanderthals will do quite well in any Olympic sport where a large burst of energy are a part of the package. And just for a bit of more evidence, these guys are really not so little explosions of energy. Keep in mind they had massive lung capacities, thanks to their giant ribcages, with each Neanderthal holding up to 9 liters of air, which is, for perspective, 50% greater than an adult human male on average.

And to help move this air, Neanderthals also have those classic giant noses. They'll allow for air intake and exhalation at about 100% of the speed of a regular human, helping their maximum oxygen intake, carbon dioxide removal, and boosting energy production. And so this would only serve to help make. them even better many of the faster-paced events, including shorter races and certain cycling events. And of course, when on bikes, you'd also see their huge quads come into play, which, when trained, I would imagine to be looking like some absolute titanic legs. Or should I say, mammoth legs? Get it? So yes, in some ways adding Nanderthal to the Olympics would rob us of a few medals.

But it wouldn't actually be a totally unfair fight for us, as we now arrive to what I consider it to be, the gray zone. With the rest of the sports being, in my opinion, hard to call for either their Homo sapiens sapiens or Neanderthals, and in some cases, I think, are fairly clear wins for us. Now, some of the more competitive events, I believe, would take place within the iconic athletics program, which is actually made up of dozens of different events. Those that have to do a lot with strength, such as the hammer, discus throw, or shot putt, could definitely go to the Neanderthals, who could just utilize their mass and muscles once more to outpower us.

However, we modern humans do have longer arms, a higher point of throw, and a better range of motion in the shoulders, which combined might give us enough of an advantage, especially in something like the javelin throw, where strong, but taller athletes with longer arms are often seen doing extremely well. In the shorter races with the athletic programs, it's possible that Neanderthals can perform well too, given their explosive energy that again grants them exceptional speeds. In some studies do suggest that anandthal would take a modern human in a sprint. However, modern humans do have their own advantages too, as while long legs do create weaker starts, they do allow for greater top speeds, thanks to the increased stride length they offer. Additionally, in the longer

races, we could see another one of our superpowers pop up, which is that we are much better designed for endurance than Neanderthals are, and what the strongest signs for this has to do with our Achilles tendon. Now, the Achilles is a tendon that runs from below the ankle all the way up to the back of the knee, and it's essential to running as it acts a bit like a biological spring, storing some of the energy that is generated when the foot meets the ground, and then helping it spring back up to generate some lift. And fun fact, it's actually the thickest and strongest tendon in your entire body, which helps us endure long distance runs, where our legs and feet must constantly absorb repeated impacts over and over. And now, again, this is in modern humans,

but in Neanderthals, the Achilles tendon is a bit different, since their heel bones are longer than ours, meaning the tendon would be longer and thinner than ours, which less means less efficient energy management over long distances, with the repeated impacts taking a quicker toll on them. And another indicator that Neanderthals have less fuel in the tank than us, comes back to their higher proportion of fast-twitch muscle fibers, which in this case didn't do the much favors. Because while it does help with power and burst of speed, it's really the slow-twitch muscle fibers that are more efficient at using oxygen to generate adenosine triphosphate, or ATP for short, the primary energy currency, you could say, in our cells, and thus making them better for endurance-based activities than the fast-touch muscle

fibers. And on top of this, Neanderthals, given their frame and anatomy, burned energy faster than us in general too. With one study, estimating their locomotion energy costs would be 30% higher than modern humans. So, I liken it to a car race, where one car is burning through fuel like a flamethrower, so sure, this start is impressive. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars. Catch the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava theater stage on April 30th, the powerful vocals of Demi Lovato on May 17th, and the signature Southern Country Rock of Eric Church on July 19th. Tickets on sale now at Yamava Theater.com, only at Yamava Resort and Casino,

celebrating its 40th anniversary. You in? Must be 21 to enter. But at some point, the tank just hits empty. And because of these factors, I think humans would fairly easily take the win in pretty much any of the sports that have a thon or thon in them. In other words, the pentathlon and triathlon would surely go to us, simply based on the distance and time that's required. with Neanderthals may be getting ahead in the start, but finding themselves fatiguing much earlier on.

I also think tennis, badminton, and squash, should be a challenge for them, simply because even though their bursts of speed and strength would allow for some blazing shots, you can't just beat someone one and done. They're often quite drawn out, and thus we went again in the energy department. Not to mention their clunky bodies might get more in the way than what they would hope for, while their shorter height and arm reaches would certainly hurt as well, with badminton and tennis's best players, usually being a bit taller than the general populace. And even if Neanderthals did scale up to modern human heights, there is still the fact that they were cult adapted, meaning their torso is relatively long compared to their limbs, and thus resulting in the situation again where modern humans would have a reach advantage disregarding equal heights.

On the other hand, ping pong, another racket-based event might be more of a fair challenge. As though it can get intense, you're often staying more in one spot. Furthermore, here we could see the true Neanderthal power shine through, resulting in blinding smashes and an amazing ability to reach the ball. Now, some people might think that ping pong and other racket sports would simply be out of the question for nanothals, given the classic trope that they were big old brutes, they didn't know how to operate the finer tools in life, and also had limited abilities to grasp. Yet, we now know that this wasn't really the case, and just like us, they possessed advanced fine motor coordination, flexible, dexterous fingers, and then on top of that, an iron-like grip that was far stronger than ours.

And in life, this grip was used by them to firmly hold onto their large thrusting spears, which are their prime weapons in taking down megafaunal giants, who they would skewer, causing catastrophic puncture wounds. But in the Olympics, this grip could instead be put to use in holding the paddle like someone might hold King Arthur's sword to get it out of the stone. And this grip strength, and not to mention their speed, would also make them interesting fencers to witness as well. Now yes, our taller size would allow us to strike at them from further distance

and attack with longer lunges, yet they might be able to counter us here through using sheer speed. And so I'd honestly think that we see this sport go both ways. Another area where their grip strength might have come in handy is an event that, I believe, would be much more competitive than you'd presume. Climbing. Now, climbing is one of the youngest sports in the Olympics, making its debut in 2020, and it's not exactly something you'd imagine in Neanderthal doing a whole lot of, or being especially good at, given their wider, more robust bodies. And yet, that being said, some evidence in recent years has pointed to the fact that they could have been naturals. For starters, based on their lifestyle and typical location of residents, it's believed that these guys mainly lived and operated in rugged, mountainous terrain.

that would require more moving upwards, downwards, and sidewards. And this lifestyle might have played into more climbing, where balance is of course key, and where their grip strength would have come in clutch. And then on top of that, while we do have an arms reach advantage over them, being tall and lanky isn't exactly something that is required for Olympic climbing, with most of the elites being slightly shorter than their non-climbing counterparts. Also, your legs, biceps, core, and lats are all very important muscles in climbing, things which Neanderthals had to check the mark quite well.

And then, when you look at the event at the same, Olympic climbing is something that requires speed and happens relatively quick. And so then of course their explosive power would be useful as well, and they need to worry less about tiring out. Now on the flip side, their more dense stocky build could weigh them down, and they're less flexible, more restricted shoulders, could limit them as well when it came to optimal extensions. And speaking of their stocky build, this could also come to haunt them in any sport where you'd want to be light as a feather, where lightness is key. And this includes equestrians, as any little weight does make a difference in the speed of the horse. And in many cases, a second can make all the difference.

Then you also have a variety of sports, where their shorter heights would also hold them back, acting as a major roadblock. Because out of the thousands of Neanderthal specimens had been found, the tallest known individual didn't even quite crack 5-11. Ensure it's possible that a few absolute units were taller, they were overall a bit shorter than what we see in modern humans. And this would lead to some tricky matchups in sports such as basketball or volleyball, where height is obviously essential for getting above or to the net.

And I think this would also be the case for water polo, which can also be a surprising grueling endurance challenge, given the added resistance that the water provides when sloshing about, not to mention that their heavier bones would just weigh them down that much further. And based off of studies that looked at the height of Olympians based on their sport, we can also see that maybe rowing would also pose an unexpected challenge, as it has the third tallest players on average, more so than even beach volleyball,

which again goes to cast a doubtful shadow on the performance of any ancient Neanderthal. Conversely, obviously, strength does go a long way in rowing, but being taller helps majorly by providing longer levers. With this case, your arms and legs allowing for longer, more drawn-out, and powerful strokes. However, there is something pretty interesting with rowing, which is that it's rowers who boast some of the highest lung capacities in the world, with the highest recorded lung capacity actually belonging to an Olympic rower. And this is obviously curious since Neanderthals had mega lungs too,

possibly suggesting this battle would be closer than we think. Now, I don't believe it will come as any surprise that events that rely heavily on flexibility and nimbleness would probably not be Neanderthal's top sport. And perhaps artistic gymnastics and rhythmic gymnastics are the best example of this. We're doing the metal you have to possess a ballet level of fluidity, something that would be hard to achieve for the more robust, heavy, and likely stiff Neanderthals. This does lead to a new question, though, which is, would a Neanderthal even know how to dance?

And regarding all the other sports I mentioned, would they be able to use varying techniques, communicative callouts, and game plans? Basically, were they smart enough? And the answer is, likely yes. Going against the typical Neanderthal stereotype, once again, these humans were not thick-schooled dummies. Well, they did have thick schools, but not dummies. They were instead highly intelligent beings, who actually were thick in the brain, too. As it turns out, they had very large brain cases, which in males would have housed a brain being about 1,640 cubic centimeters in volume.

And for the woman, it was 1,460 cubic centimeters, which, just for comparison, is actually 30% bigger than our own brain. with the largest brain ever found in Neanderthals being 1,736 centimeters cubed, which is one of the largest ever recorded period in the homogeneous. Now, with this said, this doesn't exactly mean we'd be facing Einstein's, as they were also bigger in body, and their brains were organized a little bit differently, too. But their large brains did suggest that they were at least reasonably smart cookies, and it would be well equipped to tackle the technical skills and strategy, but it would take to be an Olympian.

And we also know from certain discoveries that they were quite creative too, and able to coordinate quite well, which is obviously a plus for any team sports. And as I alluded to, what's interesting is that their brains weren't just larger than ours, but also differently shaped, with Neanderthals having a more bomb-shaped noggin that devoted more space and energy towards certain senses, especially the sight, given their relatively massive occipital lobes.

Well, surprisingly, on the contrary, despite having a bigger nose, they likely had a worse sense of smell due to smaller olfactory bulbs. Thankfully for them, though, none of the Olympic sports are really smell-based. Yet, eyesight, now that's an important tool, especially in events such as archery and shooting, where their powerful eyesight would have probably provided better visual acuity, sharper focus on the target, and a better depth perception. And this, no doubt, would also help in events that required catching as well. But there is one lingering question about Neanderthal's ability to perform in shooting-related events,

seeing that, as far as we know, they never shot a bow, or really used any other handheld projectile-based weapons. Yeah, in the over 350,000 years in Neanderthals existed as a species, it seems that they never made it to bows or slings, raising some eyebrows in their ability. to shoot items. However, certain studies and research suggest that the absence wasn't exactly because they couldn't operate these tools, but just that their lifestyle led to almost exclusively hunting very large animals, making bigger, stronger, more powerful thrusting spears, much more effective than any bow, throwing spear, or sling would have been for them. Yet I will mention that others do think it was more of an anatomical hindrance for them based off the construction

of their arms and hands. But personally, I do think of Tot, a Neanderthal could definitely let a few arrows fly. And the same certainly goes for shooting, which would arguably be easier for them, as the trigger mechanism is more simple and relies less than the flexibility of their arms. Another sport where their sight would have helped, but would also be a place where they would run into other issues, is golf. Now, to some, golf is just about whacking a ball with a club, something we'd presume that Neanderthals would excel in. Yet, the drive is just one part of a game. And depending on where you are on the course, you're going to have to adjust for power and control. And this is where mobility comes into play, especially in the shoulders, hips,

and back. And in general, modern humans did probably more mobile bodies than Neanderthals, and thus probably allowing for better golf form and control. Additionally, for all of my non-golfers out there, golf is actually surprisingly long, taking up to multiple hours to get through a course. And I'm not saying that Neanderthals would struggle here from a cardio perspective, as it's not that intense, but rather you have to stay extremely focused for the whole game, at least if you're playing at a higher level, that is, something that might have been easier for us than Neanderthals, at least before all of our modern brain rotting. As studies have suggested that we have variants of at least one gene that leads to a larger frontal neocortex, an area of the brain that is larger

responsible for planning and focus, allowing us again potentially to be more on top of our game the entire time, whereas Neanderthals might struggle. And this difference would perhaps show itself again in sailing, where energy is in the problem, but instead, it's the fact that you have to stay alert throughout and have to constantly be adapting to the waves, current, and wind. Although, you never know, because, almost paradoxically, despite living in primarily rugged mountainous terrains, Neanderthals were potentially lovers of water. To be exact, it's long been known that Neanderthals lived across the coast of the Mediterranean, but it was only in this century that we learned that they might have sailed across the sea as well, given that Neanderthal artifacts been found

not one, but several Mediterranean islands, including Crete, Naxos, and Lufkata, meaning either two things. The first is that during the time of the Neanderthals, these islands were no islands, instead of being connected to the mainland by land bridges. Or it's secondly, that Neanderthal had an unexpected capability of building rafts and primitive boats, which they then obviously used to sail around. And if the latter is true, then it probably isn't much of a stretch to say that Neanderthals might have made for some competitive sailors. And the same potentiality is also seen in another major water sport, swimming. Again, I don't know about you, but I don't usually picture Neanderthals hitting laps every day. And yet, there is some evidence that they actually

did, as one analysis of multiple Neanderthal specimens found that almost half of them has something called Surfer's Ear, a condition that occurs when you are in frequent contact with cold, wet conditions, i.e. swimming. In response, your body adept to try protective ear drum, leading to the growth of bunny protrusions in the ear canal. And so, the high prevalence of surfers' ear suggested that, well, Nanderthals might have swam a lot back in the day, likely to forage for fish and other marine delicacies. And in fact, they were perhaps so prolific of swimmers that the rate of surfers' ear is much higher than that of modern humans, of which about a quarter of us has some form of surfer's ear. So, that's all to say, that they were probably pretty capable

swimmers. But were they good enough to take on Michael Phelps? I doubt it. As in general, the fastest swimmers are tall individuals with larger hands and feet, plus a natural flexible ness and slimness, which aids in cutting down on drag and maximizing the surface area of strokes, with the slimness aspect in particular being quite the challenge to Neanderthals, given their more robust, dense, and cylindrical builds, likely increasing their drag and also weighing them down. So, to conclude, I actually think Neanderthals would be a perfect addition to the Olympics and it would certainly beat us in, well, a lot of sports. Unfortunately, though, I doubt it will be seeing their admission anytime soon. Thanks for watching and until next time

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