ExtinctZoo - The Strangest Mouths Ever Discovered

Episode Date: July 5, 2025

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as not only do you routinely deal with ghastly sights, but also foul smells. And it certainly doesn't help that compared to other body parts, it's our mouth and teeth that give up on us surprisingly quickly, with a staggering amount of people suffering from at least one kind of oral issue. I mean, over 90% of people between 20 and 64 alone have some form of tooth decay, and that number essentially goes up for 99% when you throw in gum decay. And this just all goes to show that dentists have to deal with a lot more patients, relatively speaking, than most others do.

However, while our chompers are no doubt fiddled and delicate, we should be ultimately thankful that they are what they are. As compared to what some other animals have got going on in their mouths, our situation is actually rather tame. And once you start to rewind the clock a bit, including extinct animals, the comparisons become even more crazy, as some of these prehistoric eyes had messed up situations which would give any dentist straight up nightmares.

I mean, just take a look at this. This is not the mouth of some failed experiment gone wrong, but rather the real snappers of an extinct creature that stocked the earth. And not so long ago, the thylacoleo. It was a medium to large-sized marsupial, that for a long time was a near unstoppable force, being in fact the largest carnivorous marsupial to have ever lived, reaching sizes akin to a female tiger and lion. It was also the biggest predatory mammal to ever live in a certain country. And given how bizarre its mouth is, you should be able to be able to be able to be a bird. to guess which. Australia. It's always Australia. And there, in total isolation from the rest of the

world, this creature evolved its gnarly dentition, which included giant premolars that can only be described as many guillotines, as that's essentially what they were. They were located on both side of its mouth, top and bottom, and were much longer, wider, and sharper than what's typically seen, helping the thylokalio take down a specific kind of prey, large herbivores, and in a way, that's just a bit unsettling. Basically, this killing machine would stage ambush attacks on unsuspecting prey, upon whom it would unload a powerful bite into their most vulnerable body part, the neck. And saying powerful is putting it lightly, as Thilo-Colio holds the title for strongest bite pound-for-pound of any mammal, which combined with a strange teeth equals a crushed windpipe,

severed spinal cord, and lacerated blood vessels, such as the crotted artery and jugular vein, bringing death to its prey at mind-blowing speeds. In fact, while it takes a lion about 15 minutes to kill large prey, it took less than a minute for thylocalio. That's efficiency right there. And it wasn't just the strange premullers that enabled this beast to kill so efficiently, as it had an additional dentory adaptation, saber teeth, or rather what looked a bit like them.

As thylokalio actually descended from herbivores, therefore it didn't possess any real canines. Instead, it had giant enlarged incisors at the front of its mouth. that helped a grip and possibly peers captured prey, allowing it to get a better bite with its premolars. And these unique adaptations allowed Thylokalio to be an undisputed apex predator down under for a good chunk of time, with at first appearing over 2 million years ago. Yet, despite receiving one-of-a-kind toothies, it ultimately wasn't enough to quell an invasion that occurred around 40,000 years ago. And that invasion was the arrival of humans, who are believed to have at least partially driven this creature to extinction,

through both competition and eradication. Although, according to at least one cave art, the odd unfortunate human or two did end up feeling the wrath of these guys' revenge, and experiencing what those chomper's were like firsthand. Now, while humans definitely did meet these guys at some capacity, we did not end up meeting every single great wonder of dentition that has come into this world, which includes a very ancient being that lived during the Triassic.

In general, the Triassic is well-known fraudities, but this thing was weird for even then, looking like something that was about to go full demigorgon on you. And its name, Atopodentatus, meaning zipper smile of little teeth. Pretty straightforward, as that's what its head and teeth ultimately looked like. Perplexing researchers, not only due to its complex shape, but also the large amount of teeth, which in total were over 300 strong. Yet, each one of them by themselves was very small and fragile, leading to the idea that this

are up to Rigion, i.e., the same group for placodons and pleasosaurs, were not hunters, despite being a medium-sized animal. Instead, researchers first thought it was a kind of filter feeder, who processed teeny tiny prey like benthic worms through its face's zipper, while also wielding its odd jaw and skull as a makeshift shovel in order to sift through material. Now, this is pretty handy in all, but if you take a good look at its face,

you might start to notice something funny, being that besides zipper-like, its face also looks a bit like someone had smashed it in. And that's because, well, it was. To be exact, paleontologists of venture real, realized that they had been wrong about this enigma, as the holotype's bizarre skull was actually the result of heavy damage, a reality revealed by the discovery of later better preserved specimens.

And while its new form is perhaps less horrifying, these new skeletons did not make the atopodentatus any more normal, with its teeth and face still being very off, taking on a hammer shape instead. And though they were right about the number of teeth, the filter feeding hypothesis was ultimately thrown out the window, with a new current idea being that they used their hammer face. to root food out of the sea floor. But when I say food, I don't mean an animal, rather algae, making these guys unlikely herbivores. And actually, it turns out that given their ancientness, they are regarded as the first

known marine reptiles to have ever been herbivorous, beating out the nearest competition by over 8 million years. Now, dealing with so many small teeth and a hammer for a mouth would definitely have been a headache for any dentist, and in its own way, a nightmare. Yet, even the topodentatosis 300 teeth doesn't even come close to how many some giant animals had, which begs the question, who actually had the most? And if you think the answer is a sauropod, then you're kind of on the right track, but not fully. As no, it's not the Nigerisaurus, despite what mainstream media would have you believe,

with it only possessing around 500 teeth. As to win this battle, you need well over a thousand teeth, which at least one dinosaur had accomplished, and that's the Edmontosaurus. You've probably heard of this Haddresaur at least once before, but if you haven't, here's a refresher. It's the one that the T-Rex is always picking on. Yet ironically, at the end of the day, this creature was way toothier than the king, and had so much teeth that we literally have a term for them, dental batteries, similar to how armies use the term artillery batteries. Each one of these guys as an adult had mouths filled to the absolute brim with almost diamond-shaped teeth that could be surprisingly sharp,

and all of them were tightly stacked against one another, creating columns that numbered over 50 per jaw, and could in total at any given moment number over 1,000 teeth, possibly more than 1,400. And while its jaws weren't necessarily nightmarish in a deadly sense, this number certainly sounds like a logistical nightmare to me. And not only did it just have a lot of teeth, but a lot of teeth tissue too, with six different types being known of, making it even rivaled the complexity of mammalian teeth. And what it's got going on is so intricate, that for a long time, paleontologists were very confused as to why it had such a complex oral system, with the explanation now being that these teeth acted like a rasp while munching on vegetation,

basically grinding the food down to paste. And again, though not scary per se, I am sure getting bit by an admonosaurus would suck a lot more than a horse bite, especially when you throw in its gargantuan size. And actually, there is a correlation between the size of a hadrosaur and the amount of teeth it possesses, Which is why there might be one more animal out there who could have also held the title of the toothiest. And that is the monstrosity Shantongosaurus, which was even larger than the Edmontosaurus, and that its maximum size might have sported 2,000 teeth, 62 times the amount of teeth that we have.

Which just to put that into perspective, if it brushed its teeth, it would have needed about two hours as opposed to just two minutes. And just a fun fact, if you didn't know, Shantongasaurus was also the largest animal ever, capable of bipedalism. plus the biggest non-starapod dinosaur. So again, not a predator, but definitely still horrifying, if you're getting charged by one. Admittedly, though, things are always a bit scarier when the animal's a meat lover. I mean, just ask the conodons, who are, or were, a class of jealous vertebrates,

that looked about the closest thing we'll ever get to real-life sci-fi monsters. Thankfully, this group is now long gone, having lived from the Cambrian all the way to the early Jurassic. And despite being jaulous, they definitely were not toothless, as they had some unforgettable chompers. So unforgettable, in fact, that nearly all we know about them comes straight from their teeth, which I do have to admit aren't technically true teeth, but rather hard, mineralized tooth-like structures, which could take on some truly horrifying shapes,

especially when coupled with the conodonts unsettling appearances in general, which typically featured large bulging eyes and a slippery eel-like body that measured over three feet or one meter long. And while each conodont was strange and disturbing in their own way, there were definitely levels to their nightmarishness, as some had simple cone-like shapes for teeth, while others had ones that resembled fangs, and in some cases in overgrowth of nopeness, that also protruded out of their mouths, which I say to that, no thanks. And besides ensuring a heart attack, it wasn't really agreed upon what these teeth were used for,

as after all they don't meet the definition of real ones, which actually led some to believe their function wasn't food-related. But given that they are, well, literally located in their mouths, it is now agreed that food consumption was their purpose, but the real question is, how? For a short time, there was hope that these lot were actually rather chill, being simple filter feeders, whose teeth-like structures were the filters. But now it seems that they were, in fact, as scary as they looked, with the leading hypothesis being that conodonts had such control over these odd teeth that it could grab or pinch prey with them, before sending them straight down their death holes, so to speak. As to the back of their mouths, were additional kind of

kinds of teeth that process the victims, and in a variety of fun ways, including piercing, slicing, dicing, and grinding them. In just if you needed any more evidence that these guys were absolutely unhinged, there's also the fact that of the millions of creatures we know of, both dead and alive, it is the conodons who possess the sharpest teeth of them all, which are so ridiculously sharp that the tips are microscopic, being about 120th the width of a single strand of human hair, which which by the way also makes conodont teeth sharper than surgical blades, five times sharper to be exact. Oh, and if they needed it for any reason, it also seems that a fuginera could

deliver venomous attacks. As an analysis of the pandarotus showed that in some cases, conodons possessed tooth-like structures, which were remarkably similar to the teeth of venomous vertebrates. And then just as a cherry on top, there were also conodons who might have fed like the living hagfish and lamprey, who scrape at flesh while utilizing a strong, pulley-like system. in just making the conodonts that much creepier. The only real saving grace about these guys is that if you wanted to, you could easily remove all chances of dealing with them by simply staying on land, given their strict aquatic nature.

But some dental monstrosities were just plain unavoidable, be it water or not, which is best exemplified by, an animal that, like the thylokolio, definitely did meet humans and is actually still around, hippos. But no, I'm not talking about the hippopotamus, but rather an extinct hippo. that apparently didn't get the memo when it came to teeth, the hexaprotodon. Now granted, hippos in general have some hard-to-miss mouths, especially when you get a good look at those tusks. But the hexaprotodon was bizarre even when taking all of this into account,

as it basically evolved to obtain frontal incisors like infinity stones, with some specimens possessing up to three pairs of giant elongated incisors which faced outwards. However, this isn't anything new in the sense that even hippopotamuses have incisors, and actually the same amount. The difference is, though, just how freakishly long the hexaprotodons were, with each one being a bit like its own tusk. And this boated terribly for the animals that lived alongside, as incisors and living hippos are primarily used for attacking and self-defense. So, uh, supersizing them is not a great sign.

Plus, it was a bit of a chunkster, too, so best to be avoided overall. Which was the challenge, though, as, lo and behold, strapping a bunch of giant incisors onto a hippo is a force to be reckoned with, and it was ultimately able to spread. spread throughout Asia, and possibly Africa and Europe too. However, despite being toothed up to the teeth, pun intended, these guys were like their living relatives, primarily herbivores, and had remarkably similar diets based off of dental wear. And actually, besides their gnarly teeth, the only real difference between it and living hippos was a less robust skeleton, indicating that these hippos were not lovers in mud, quite

the scandal. And their picky ways might have actually been the end of them, because despite going extinct only 15,000 years ago, it's not believed that humans took them out, rather with habitat loss being the final rugpole, as around the time they disappeared, they'd have been limited to just the Indian subcontinent, which found itself at the time being bombarded by catastrophic droughts, erasing the hexaprotodon's natural habitat. And while some do think that humans at a partial hand in their demise, there is for now no signs of butchery in any skeleton, which really does make sense. As I, for one, even with a spear, sword, and pretty much whatever,

else wouldn't even have dreamt about approaching these guys. And I share this feeling for another creature we still have around, elephants, who besides being even bigger, also have unsurprisingly larger teeth, as tusks are in fact supersized ones. And it's extinct elephants like the paleo-loxidon nomadicus who actually hold the record for the largest teeth of all time, even when including dinosaurs, measuring some five meters or 16 feet long. So in other words, this definitely would be a dental nightmare to deal with. And yet, I don't actually think it's the Paleo-Loxidon who had the craziest dentition of any elephant, as after all there is a lot of good picks here. I mean, prehistoric elephants in general, or more accurately, proboscideans, are known for having

strange, strange mouths, and faces. But only one can truly emerge victorious in this battle for teeth. And surprisingly, I think one genus easily does so, the platabellodon. Now, this is technically not a true elephant, with it instead being an amobelodonted proboscidian, making it only distantly related to modern elephants. And this distance was reflected by its face and teeth, which are frankly hard to describe. It didn't have long tusks that many of its relatives had, but instead it rocked four tusks, two of which had evolved to look a bit like the final boss of buck teeth. Plus, even the jaws itself were off, being best described as spoon-shaped and being able to open all the way in the back, while its trunk was unusually large and wide.

Honestly, this whole situation makes it seem like these guys wouldn't even have been able to eat, period. But in reality, its strange adaptations gave it access to pretty much whatever it wanted. In general, it could still graze like any other proboscidian could. But then on top of this, its giant lower buck-like teeth actually acted a bit like built-in sites, as they were deceptively sharp, and leading to the idea that platabellodons would use their upper tusks to strip bark from a tree, then firmly grasp it with their giant trunks, before finally rubbing their lower teeth against the tree in order to buzz cut it down.

There is also the chance that its secretly dangerous teeth and giant trunk were regularly used in combat as well, seeing that the genus showed very high levels of sexual dimorphism, with the males having larger, more bust trunks and teeth, heavily suggesting a lot of infighting. And like hexaprotodon, its design turned out to be quite powerful, allowing it to spread across Asia and the caucus, while out competing other long-snouted proboscitians, and existing for over 5 million years during the middle Miocene. But there's just one final question.

Why did this genus even have to evolve such strange traits in the first place? And the answer is likely weather, with the current belief being that severe aridity is what pushed these guys to evolve how they did, with their mouths allowing for adaptable diets. So who knows? Maybe if things start getting a bit drier, we'll see bizarre elephants make a comeback.

So it's clear that extinct proboscideans, and hippos too for that matter, had some funky teeth. and it wasn't just the two genera I mentioned that had strange situations, leading some to regard these groups as having the most unique dental adaptations out there. But there is one group I've yet to mention that frankly has them beat and are really the goats of dental monstrosities. Sharks. Even right now, there are multiple sharks out there with messed up faces, yet it is again the prehistoric bunch that I'm really talking about. I mean, some of the finer selections

include giant-friled sharks the size of small boats, saw sharks with teeth, and the dornt rostrums, ancient families who had V-shaped prongs for teeth, and sharks which had giant slabs of biological pavement for teeth, which they used to crush things up. Oh, and, uh, these pavement sharks were huge, too. Yet, of all the jaws to come and go, no pun intended, I think the crown's got to go to the Eugenio danteforms, an ancient order that held sway over the seas and oceans of earth, from the early Carboniferous all the way to the late Permian. And you know sharks are built different when they got an entire order of absolute dental wonders. And the Eugenio-Danta form situation was so ghastly that they had become rather famous,

with the prime icon among them being the heli copriot. This guy was an absolute unit, helping it obtain some fame, and reaching sizes similar to what's seen in basking sharks. However, its true wonder was in size, but its mouth, for it literally had what seemed to be a built-in buzzsaw for teeth, which was embedded in its lower jaw, while on the top it had no teeth, just straight gums. And there were others in this order as well, who had similar designs.

But this all brings up the question to how in the H.E. double hockey stick do you even operate a mouth that's shaped like this, while also having no upper teeth? And the truth is, we really don't know. But some ideas have been tossed around, including the possibility of using the saw to ram through prey, deshell them, or just brute force rip them apart. So whatever the case, not very nice for the receiving end. And the teeth that made up these jaws were usually arranged in whorls, and they didn't always come in the same way, as the few derived members pivoted away from razor's sharp teeth and instead traded them, for more blunt teeth that transformed their buzz saws into crushing wheels, which were perfectly adapted for killing shelved prey. Meanwhile, this order in general was so off the rails that completely separate to the bussaw members was another entire family known as the Edestidae, which along with being able to

reach similar sizes had not bus saws for faces, but giant scissors, so not exactly that much better, and they used them to either snip prey into pieces or to saw them apart through the thrashing of their bodies, which generated a back-and-forth cutting motion, and could have also been. also been so quick that its prey wouldn't even have had a chance to register that they had been cut in half. Now frankly, all these teeth are starting to wear me down. No pun intended. But I do insist on sharing one more example, because it's just weird, and also an interesting case of convergent evolution. So, without further ado, say hi to the tarodostro, or as I like to call it, the whale of the skies. And it shouldn't be hard to see why, given that tarotostro has what

appears to be baling, just like what's seen in baling whales. Now, you may be may be able to be. think that I'm cheating again by using fake teeth as an example. However, it turns out that this is in fact not baline, but rather highly modified needle-like teeth that numbered over a thousand, putting it up there in numbers, and were tightly compacted, almost giving it the appearance that teeth were part of one giant structure. And though other pterosaurs are known to have similar designs, it's this early Cretaceous terrasaur alone that has teeth to this degree and size, giving it a one-of-a-kind similarity to whales. So it may not be surprising to hear then that have feasted in a comparably similar manner, at least to baling whales. As paleontologists reckon,

it used those fine comb-like teeth to strain crustaceans, plankton, algae, and other small creatures from the water. And to make it just a bit more odd, it also had giant eye sockets as well. And it did not replace any of its teeth through its life, despite them being quite narrow and brittle. Frankly, it's a little bit unexpected that having this kind of face actually makes you safe for human-sized creatures, for the most part. But still, given its appearance and the fact that it was quite big for an early Cretaceous Teresore, this is just one more dental nightmare that I really would not have been wanted to be surprised by. Thanks for watching, and until next time on Extinct Zoo. Some follow the noise. Bloomberg follows the money, because behind every headline is a bottom line.

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