F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - A Walk to Remember Situation

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

There are a few exceptions to the rule and one of them is always if it's A Walk to Remember situation.  Topics include contractually obligated angry sex, impatient partner, never split the party, when do you know.

I put my trust in you. I put my trust in love. Hello, friends. My name is Dane Miller. And my name is Nile Spain. Guess what? We're your fuck buddies. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What are we? It's crazy. Hey, uh, we're Sex and Dating Advice podcast, where we take your sticky, sexy, sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Questions sent to us from our wonderful listeners and or sourced online, our answer right here, right now, in your ears, sex positively. I realized that we didn't do, we haven't been doing positivity things recently. I think we fell off that train. Gee, gee whiz, look at the state of the world. I'm surprised that we're not doing it. That's the point. That's why we're doing it. That's why we're here is just hard. Everything else is so bad. And I want to talk. about doing T.O. WebFest and some of the other, it's not particularly related to this show, but it's particularly related to our other show. No Quest for the Wicked at our actual play

show. We just joined a network. Nile was up for Best Player at the Tio Web Fest. It just felt we were just doing fancy things. We dressed up in suits. It was cool. We got to go to a gala an award ceremony. You get to get our little suits on, got to hang out with some of our podcast friends. Some might say real friends. Yeah. Some might. People that we now see.

Yeah. In person. In real world times. Who we love. And they both won, which was incredible. It was very, very exciting to see. So now we hate them. Yeah.

We're no longer friends. We're here to blast them. This is our positivity. Positively outraged. Our friends are killing it. But that's the positivity I want to bring is, is I think there is, I, I've lately been very excited by the achievements of people who I both really like and respect. And I'll just shout them out here.

Jay Strelman and Elliot Davis are two incredibly talented people in a variety of ways, both in sort of like game design and podcasting and performance and actual play. Also just lovely folk. They're great people. And getting to be there with them and spend a couple days at Tio WebFest and then celebrate their win was great. And I think there's something to be said about celebrating the wins of others. Oh, 100%. It's like if it doesn't make you as excited that someone that you love wins or even someone that you like, what do you do?

Yeah. What do you doing? And I think this specifically stems down to like relationships as well. well. Like if you have a partner and you're not rooting for them to win, even if it's against yourself, what are you doing? Yeah. And that's, that's kind of it. It's, it's, we should be, we all benefit what everyone does well. And we, we, we see how that works in every aspect of life. Even if there's no like, you know, tangible benefit, it's someone you love. So you should be happy for them regardless. If you're both up for a promotion and they get the promotion, this is

obviously a niche situation, you should be happy for them. And if you're not, something has gone wrong either in your relationship or your psyche. Negative and are positive. It's impossible to give advice without being negative, I think, because you have to talk about negative things. We're not giving advice. We are right now. We're just being positive.

So that's my positivity. It just felt really nice to like be around people who, I mean, even the people we didn't know, right? Like just everyone in the gala who was winning awards and stuff. It just like, it was really nice to be in a room full of people who were incredibly passionate about the thing that they were doing and being recognized for those things. Well, we, we like immediately glommed on to the other people from our screenings and we were like, we're right or die for these guys now.

100%. The second they popped up. We were losing our fucking mind. And they all won stuff too, which was great. So we were, we were having a blast. Like, I don't even know the people in charge of most of these things. You only met one of them. And they were lovely. So, you know, like, it costs nothing to be supportive. It was something I had to learn. I was a jealous person for a lot of my like sort of younger years, especially in like high school and stuff. And I remember sort of the conscious decision to stop being upset when someone was more talented than me. Right. Like whenever I saw like if there was someone in a band or something, I would be very quick to judge them or or criticize them

despite the fact that I wasn't in a band or they were inherently. talented or whatever right because it made me i guess feel better for whatever reason and being able to sort of like embrace and just be like oh these people kick ass and i'm excited that they kick ass and i'm going to support them because they kick ass is like it just made my life so much better and i think it was a huge step forward in curbing my jealousy in sort of my personal life and in like relationships as well of just being like no this doesn't matter and i should be happy for these people. And the fact that I'm not is 100% my problem. Yeah, 100%. And it's like, I don't know, I believe in treating people how you would want to be treated. It's like, if something

good happened to me, it would be great if people were like, hell yeah. And also, more importantly, it's like, I know how good it would be for me to have that great thing happen. So why would I not celebrate it for somebody else? And I just, I think this week, try to celebrate the people around you in whatever small way or big way, go for it. Go fucking crazy. If someone, even, even if it's something as simple as like someone was like, oh, I went to the gym this week, even the first time in ages, congratulate them. Like, it's, it's so nice to spread positivity and be happy for people in accomplices of all sizes. And that is, because at the end of day, like, I don't give a shit anymore, really, if we win awards or if we get nominated for things. Like, that doesn't really matter too much to me anymore. What matters to me is, is being part of a community that, is passionate about things and that's that's why i like going to these things that's why i like being part of these things is because like i can look around the room and be like oh you all care about your project as much as i do and that's important i think it's incredibly important to

have things that you're passionate about care about and and being it's it feeds the soul uh especially for a creative one like burnout is a very real thing and it's hard to recharge the the creative spirit when you're dealing with burnout and when you're dealing with something like what we do where we do a weekly show and then we do a biweekly show and then, you know, even after we've reported, Niles

editing videos and I'm editing podcasts and we're doing, you know, graphic design and stuff we're wearing all these hats. E-mails, meetings between ourselves, trying to figure stuff out. Like, you know, it kind of doesn't end and the people listening make that worthwhile.

The incredible messages we get, the the awards the the viewer count the the people reaching out and being like hey that partner that i messes you that we like i found because of this show six years ago we just got married that like that shit that does a lot to stop the burnout i'll tell you that it helps um yeah it's it's nice to to recharge my positivity which is silk song which is the thing recharging me between i don't know what it is. I feel like I've been so bad at being able to relax and I don't know why. I feel like I got into a rhythm of like, like back when I needed to write more, I got into a good rhythm of like writing X amount every day, which was good. But it was bad because it then gave me the framework

to also do that with podcasting, which didn't replace writing. It just added on. And then we did more podcasting and then we did. So I got very good at doing work. But then I just stopped relaxing. And I've been trying to get back into it and it's like just like watching like you throw on a show being like maybe this is good and it ends up just not being the vibe or something and then you're like oh this sucks I took my time and like and I feel like I didn't relax and I wasted it and then you it's almost like a cycle whereas just Silk Song's really good and I've been really enjoying having a thing to like look forward to you keep saying Silk Song but they I believe what you're trying to say is season 87 the Power Rangers update of Fortnite. Yeah there's that too actually I'm not going to

lie. We had a great time last night. We played a lot of Fortnite. Okay, let's do this show. Yeah. Wait, we haven't been doing the show. This week, we're going to talk about, wife asked me to promise to provide sex mid-argument if she asked. How to deal with the partners in patience. A boyfriend couldn't decide if you should pick me up when I was sick or finish his D&D session. How long before you know? How long? This is by Megalomania, 192. My 35-year-old

male wife, 36-year-old male, I assume that's a typo, maybe not. Just ask me to provide sex, sorry, whoa, just ask me to promise to provide sex mid-argument if she asked. I feel like it's a hard no. Is there something I'm missing that makes it okay? Talk me around on this one. My wife asked me to promise to give her angry sex mid-argument if she wants, because it can diffuse her. For context, she only orgasms through clitoral stimulation, so she really means she wants me to lick with some reciprocal behavior, possibly including penetrative sex after. I said she shouldn't ask me to promise such a thing, but that if she asks, I will probably say yes. She then retorted that she won't ever ask.

Now I feel confident if a man ever made his wife promise to let him hate fuck her mid-argument, that would rightly be called out for being coercive and emotionally manipulative. We've been together a long time, and she's been relatively sexually repressed this whole time. This is a new emerging thing for us, so angry sex is definitely not part of the status quo for us. A bit lost, to be honest. She seemed hurt I wouldn't promise. This seems like a roundabout way to ask for a thing that you want but don't like all the pieces are there you've you've dumped your puzzle onto the table and you

you seem to not be getting the borders right there's a couple things we can talk about here and and i think you're correct of of you saying i don't think i should have to promise to have sex under any circumstances regardless of what the the triggering conditions are it's not like you're a fucking Yu-Gi-O trap card in which she does a certain thing. Unless you want to be. Unless you want to be. Um, my mad tongue white dragon. Um, you don't have to agree to have sex under any circumstances at any point in time no matter what. That's just a, a baseline. And I think you're right. If this was a man being like, the next time I'm really angry at you, you have to let me fuck you angrily. Yeah, to diffuse me. We'd be like, yo, call the FBI. Well, not the FBI. They're

headed up by an idiot but you know someone else some other country I need to have you seen the thing the collection of photos that is like Cash Patel looks like he's constantly hiding a zombie bite and it's just a yeah it's fantastic checks out um okay

give the podcasters a bad name um the whole situation is bad you don't have to agree to have sex we can just get that on the table that that is what it is That's in a box. Put it to the side. We don't need to talk about it.

I also, like, I just don't think you can ever promise sex. No. Because that's just, you cannot do that. And it's like, you also can never hold. Even if someone does make a promise, you cannot hold them to that. That's so fucked up. If they're like, hey, I actually not feeling it, you promise. That's coercion.

It's manipulation. It's forcing people. It's awful. You just can't do it. So no one should ever make that promise because you cannot account for every situation. You cannot account for that day you're not feeling well or that day you're not up for it. Or, you know, that day you're in the middle of a fucking argument. You don't want to be like, well, I hate you, but I am going to lick you out right now.

Like, no. So that aside, because I think we can all agree that coercion and promising sex and all that stuff is really, really bad. And you shouldn't do it ever under any circumstances. Even if you think you're doing it in a fun or sexy way, just don't do it. Now, let's talk about the repression. Like, you call it out. You say it. She's sexually repressed.

and now all of a sudden she has this inkling or want for angry sex hard rough I don't know what you're looking for but but this angriness and there's also there's like an element of control and power here too where it's like

we're in an argument and I'm kind of like demanding like you have to do this for me to like get me off to diffuse me these are all things which I assume is what you're about to say so I'll let you say it yeah like is there a Dom king here is there is there a part of her that would like to be in control and tell you what to do is there a sub kink in which she wants to be used roughly and angrily and and be treated like an object you right like

there's a lot of different things and you just need to narrow it down and ask her what she wants because you can have angry sex without being angry and i would argue that you probably should do that Yeah, if you're legitimately upset at each other, this isn't a healthy thing to do. No, because you're going to end up Pavloving yourself into thinking that the only time you can have good sex is if you fight. And then you're going to be looking for reasons to fight and your whole relationship, both, you know, outside of the bedroom and inside of the bedroom, is going to revolve around you making each other mad, which is not good for your mental or sexual health at all. No, it's terrible. So I think this is a really good point. And also, if the only way to get out of, like, you should.

should be able to deal with arguments as grown-up adults that can communicate, not just be like, no, you have to make me come. You have to defuse me. Like, you're not a bomb. You're not an idiot. You're not an object. You're a human person who can make their own decisions and do things. So reducing yourself to like, I need to get licked to defeat. Like, no, come on. You're doing yourself a disservice here. And again, it's just such a shitty way to resolve legitimate conflict because no one's going to want to do this in these situations. And again, if you enjoy this, Like what Dane just said, surely you're going to want to argue more, which is terrible. So I think, as Dane said, you need to be like, hey, I'm not going to promise this because,

one, it feels like promising sex in general, bad thing. We cannot account for things in the future. It's going to cause conflict. Two, if we're having an argument, I'm probably not going to feel very sexually aroused. And if I start doing this thing, it's going to take me out of it. I'm not going to enjoy it. I'm going to start to resent you, et cetera, et cetera. But it seems like maybe this is a thing you're interested in.

in getting into, like, be it, you know, aggressive kind of like role play, be it like domination, be it like a power imbalance, be it whatever, and then be like, I'm willing to to play around in that space with you. I'm willing to like do this outside of arguments. I'm willing to have a night where we like role play or like, you know, I have to go down on you, you know, whatever. And like open up your boundaries that way. And then you're getting all the fun from the sex and you're able to explore it in a healthy way. You don't have to fight to do it. So it's, Win, win, win. Yeah.

And I think that, like, I think there is a danger when you start attributing emotions to sex, especially when it's good sex. Because I think you're going to start, you need to have the disconnect and the emotional intelligence to be like, we are pretending to be angry. And that's not what's making the sex good. It's our sexual chemistry. It's our innate ability to please each other that's making the sex good. the anger or the roughness or the whatever is a flavor. It is a spice being added into the already good compatible sexual chemistry that we have because it's not just it's not like you flip a magic angry switch and then all of a sudden

bad sex becomes good sex. You're capable having the good sex. You're just doing it through the filter of being like, well, I want aggression. I want X, I want Y. And that's how you have good sex. It's not the fact that you're angry. And the same thing with being like, oh, you know, my girlfriend only wants to have sex when she's like super depressed or whatever, right? Like correlating the two, I think is a really slippery slope to brainwashing yourself into thinking that that is the only emotional state in which you can have good sex.

And that's just, that's going to lead to a lot of problems down the line. because if you guys break up and now you're in the mindset of like, oh, the only way good sex, yeah, the only way good sex happens is if they're angry or sad or whatever, and that's, that's just not universally true. It varies from partner to partner to partner. And some people just don't want, especially people with histories of sexual violence or, or aggression or whatever, don't want anger in the bedroom for very understandable reasons. So if you just think that like anger equals good sex and then go forward for the rest of your life with that, I think you're going to have a hard time and a really bad time. Yeah, especially if you start dating someone like with a healthy mindset, they're going to be like, oh. So yeah, 100%. And if you do find that sex is only good if you're angry, if you're sad, if you're whatever, then I think something has gone wrong and maybe therapy is a root forward for you. Yeah.

If you find that sex only works well or as good or is enjoyable under certain emotional status effects. Yeah, like being happy and aroused. Ugh. Ugh. You should probably explore that with a mental health professional. This is from President of Tigers. How do you deal with the partners and patients? My wife is the most impatient person I've ever met.

Everything has to be done as soon as possible all day, every day. If I'm rinsing the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher, I need to do it twice as fast. If we're eating in a restaurant, we have 30 minutes before she's ready to go, and I have to cram all my food into my mouth as we're walking out the door. If we're getting the kids ready for bed, they all need to brush their teeth, get tucked under the covers, and get their stories read in five minutes or less, and they inevitably end up crying as she screams at them for going too slowly. If I'm talking to her about something, she starts giving me the wrap-it-up hand gesture after about 15 seconds.

Everything needs to go twice as fast for no apparent reason. It's not like she has a tightly packed schedule, full of things she needs to do on a certain timeline. She's a stay-at-home mom who spends several hours a day watching trash reality TV on her phone. If it has gotten to the point, or it has gotten to the point that I really don't know or want to go anywhere or do anything with her because I know I'm not going to enjoy it. We're just going to rush through it as quickly as we can, and she's going to be bitching the whole time about how it's going to slowly. Man, I hated this sequel to Tiger King, Tiger President. um oh you see you know what i kind of empathize with the not empathize because she's clearly not great but like i do feel like i can be like this sometimes where i like when i do things

i try to do them like as efficiently and quickly as possible whereas like if i'm going from point a to point b multiple times i'll be like okay i can bring the first three things over and then one thing back and then you know like i'm always like that mentally i can never chill when I'm doing a thing. And sometimes if I'm then doing a task with somebody else, like a partner, it'll really frustrate me if, like, they're going to point A and they're just bringing like a thing over because to them, they're just going to go back and forth three times. And I'm like, why didn't you bring the two things?

Like, it's one of those things that can definitely cause issues for me. I don't know where it stems from. But I know it's like, it's things I put on myself to try to do things quickly or well or whatever. I don't know why. Obviously, I'm not as bad as this because this sounds awful. I would love to know if they've talked about them. Yeah, you don't mention that though, do you?

Yeah. But maybe he just hasn't figured out how to get it down to a 15 second sound bite to get all of his. If I was with someone as well, like, man, I wouldn't. If they were like wrap it up, I'd be like, oh, well, you shouldn't date me. I honestly that, well, no, all of it's really bad. But I think that is, that would be my breaking point. If I was with someone and they hit me with the rabbit every time we talked, I would lose my mind

I was gonna say the breaking point for me would be like making the kids cry every night at bedtime but it would never get to that point because the wrap it up would have me done

and I'd be wrapping it up let me tell you yeah it's it's there's like a condo there's a lot happening here to not have kids we got it

uh there's there's things that I think you need to discuss and take into consideration first you need to talk to her and the second she gives you that wrap it up signal you have to be like that's really rude yeah and if you don't if you can't stand talking to me for longer than 15 seconds i think we have a really really big problem and like that's it right like that that should come first and foremost right out the game be like if you think that me talking to you the person that you have children with and are married to if you can't talk to me for under a minute without getting impatient and wanting to stop? Like, what do you have to do?

Where are you going? What are you what's so important that we can't have a conversation right now? Because I don't like this with everything. Like every conversation. Is this why what goes? Because that's crazy. Also, like, do I like, do you just not want to talk to me? Like, is it that bad?

Because again, huge issue if that's the case. Yeah. Yeah. And then just kind of like trickle down and be like, I think bombarding them with a list of all the things that makes you mad or the way that they do this is a bad move. No one wants to feel crazy attacked, right? I think you need to sort of get to the, I think you need to like broach it first and then start as things happening, be like, you know, when you're washing the dishes, just be like, you're not doing this. It doesn't, this, how fast and how efficiently I do this has no impact on you.

And if you need to be doing something else, go do it. I'm fine. I'm in no rush to wash these dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I'm sorry if you are, but this is what I'm doing right now. And if you don't think I'm doing it fast enough, that's not really my problem. Yeah, or if you think you could do it in a certain way this can be better and you want to take over, that's great. I'll go do something else, you know? Like sometimes people have a favorite way of doing a chore and it's like,

if they want to just be dishwasher person then and they're okay with that great if not then you've got a different problem right yeah i think see the danger is it's like i know what you're saying about not overwhelming them and attacking them but at the same time it's like you almost don't want to be like hey the wrap it up thing is really bad and then they're like okay okay and then like later on like but also the bedtime thing's really bad okay oh by the way the dishwasher you know sometimes what i'm saying is my my thing is you need to overarching of like always have that conversation and be like look you come across as incredibly impatient and it's really rude and it's and it's it's causing problems elsewhere and then like bring up the bring up the problem and then as they arise you you you now have that door being like so do you remember when we discussed

the this is this is another aspect of it like i'm doing a task and you're trying to rush me and i don't understand why right like and bring up the thing and being like what are you trying to get to now like what is the benefit if I do this 30 seconds faster what do we get out of it and if she's like well then it's done it's like well that's not good enough reason because yeah because like wait we're going to have free

time so we can talk together oh wait you don't want that so do we think she just rotted her brain by watching reality TV on her phone because it's all 15 second clips on TikTok of the worst people doing the worst shit I that's why after

15 seconds she's like wrap it up this this goes above the terms of service on tic-tok they're going to show up she's like she's not actually doing wrap it up she's trying to swipe them away i have a feeling that she is struggling with the fact that she is at home for presumably eight seven eight nine hours a day while you're at work with small children and now has has sort of like like is she trying to do something to be alone? Like, is she looking to get some alone time so that, like, she doesn't have to talk to you. The kids are in bed. She can now, like, turn her brain out. Like, I, like, is that the issue? I'm not, I'm not sure. And I really, I don't think we can answer this until, no, we could

again, guess till the cows come home and they, they take a while. But that's the point of the chat, right? That's the like, hey, are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you feeling whatever? Yeah. Just because she's a stay at home mom, like you, let's talk about this for a second. I'm pretty much with you on a lot of this, but you do disparage her pretty hard by saying she's a stay at home mom and just stays at home all day looking at reality TV shit on her phone. Does she not look after your kids? Yeah, she's making meals. She's bathing them, presumably. She's taking care of them. She's entertaining them. Like, I. So either something's gone terribly wrong and she is literally at home sitting on the couch on her phone, ignoring your kids, or you're being a complete dick in this point,

in which case, maybe you should wrap it up. Maybe you should, like, are you a piece of shit? I'm sorry. It's, it seems strange that you're denigrating her like that so casually without that being part of the issue. Because if she's not doing her job, I feel like it would come up. So it seems like she is and you're just disparaging it massively, at which case maybe there's a bigger issue here and all the rude stuff that she's doing sucks still. But like, is it in a vacuum? Is it without reason? Because again, this is a wild thing to say about a stay at home mom. Again, unless one of two things are happening. They're not doing their job or you're a dicket. Yeah, like, are you coming in and not acknowledging the fact that she was also at work for as long as you were, right? Like,

being a mother is a job. Yeah. And she, when you're not there, she is the only person doing that job. And so are you, is, is there a level of flippancy you have over it? And you don't think that what she's doing is is actual work yeah and and maybe this impatience is yeah is this impatience of more frustration with you than it is but uh i mean it's it's tough to say like are you does she know the kids so well that like when you guys are at a restaurant she knows she has 30 minutes to eat yeah because the kids are going to go fucking crazy if they're not if you guys aren't done in time like is it stuff like that or she's trying to eating make you hurry fast? Yeah, maybe she's trying to make you hurry up at the sink because she's in the middle of doing stay at home mom stuff and you're just like, mom, my home doing everything, washing eight cups. Like, there's something isn't adding up here. And it's like, obviously the fact as stated of what she does to you are not great. You need to find a reason. But the way you describe her and her as a stay at home mom baffles me. Because again, something has gone terribly wrong there. So you need to get your shit fixed. Yeah, when you say it's not like she has a tightly packed schedule full of things she.

needs to do on a certain timeline it's like have you met kids yeah i know a few stay-at-home moms and like they're not lounging like they wish they could lounge it's pretty universally known that like they're constantly doing everything and it's like they might get like if they're young enough to like need naps like if they're a baby baby it's like you know what moms are usually doing then they're usually like brushing their hair or having a quick like two-second shower or cleaning the mess that the kids made or making stuff for lunch that the kid's gonna wake up and demand

in like 20 fucking minutes like the down time stay home pumping or whatever like yeah the downtime that stay at moms have like is they're they're real downtime when they're not still doing like prep and stuff like that

is usually to do the fundamental things that you've required to do to live bathe eat drink some water like they're not fucking kicking up in a hammock, sipping lemonade. So I really don't think she's spending seven hours a day watching reality TV. Yeah. And if she is, that's a different problem. The problem is that she's a neglectful abusive mother. So I will also say one of the worst things that stay at home

moms often have to deal with is when their co-partner comes home, disregards all their work and expects them to then clean, do the dishes, do dinner, blah, blah, blah, blah, because they've just been at home chilling on the couch watching reality TV all day. Like it is one of working all day. Exactly. So like, I don't know, man, high likelihood that you are the problem here. But regardless. At the very least, part of the problem. Yeah.

I think a chat, you need to have it. You need to be like, yo, you're doing X, Y and Zad. But I also think look inward. Make sure you aren't adding to their stress because, yeah, we've, we've said it all. You know, um, boyfriend couldn't decide if he should pick me up when I was sick or finish his D&D session. They are both 24. Finish the session.

Finish the session. Next question. Yeah, it's true. We've been together for three years. I went to do field work one day. I won't go into specifics, but it required dealing with large crowds, walking a lot, and being exposed to harsh weather conditions. In the morning, I was exposed to extreme heat.

And in the afternoon, I was drenched by the rain. By the time was over, my head was throbbing so badly, and I could feel the onset of a flu. I managed to get on the train when I finally asked my boyfriend, you could pick me up from the station near our area because I wasn't feeling well, and I wasn't sure if I could make it home by myself. He said he was in a meeting, so I said it was fine. I'll just book a taxi home.

He was quick to take it back and say he could do it, but I'd already gotten off at a different station since it would be easier to book a cab there. Found out later, the meeting was actually a D&D session. Not him being with family or an actual work meeting, but a game. And I feel like I'm not worth dropping a game over it. I rarely ask for help from anyone, but I thought he could have at least reacted differently since it was an emergency. I feel so sad now because I'm not sure if I can trust him during emergencies.

He apologized a lot and said he wants to make it up to me, but I'm not sure, sir, and so sure anymore. How do we move forward from this? Hmm, I, okay, where, hmm, this is tough for me because I, I see both sides of things, of being like, I feel like shit and I want to go home for sure. You are able, like, can you not order an Uber? Like, like, there's a, and I know this is going to come across to seven dickish, but like, you're capable of doing things by yourself as well. And it doesn't sound like you were, like, injured, right? It's not like you were like, hey, I was just in a car crash.

Yeah, I broke my leg. Yeah. It's like you weren't feeling well. And that sucks. And I'm sorry. But what's the difference between you taking a cab or jumping in an Uber and him coming to pick you up? And I would, I also, I come from a place where like I wouldn't do that, especially, again, if I got, oh, I've been hit by a car and I walked home. Like, and I know some of it is like, I won't say necessarily like a toxic masculinity, like do it yourself.

thing, but it's like just growing up. It's like, you got to just do your own shit a lot of the time. So it's like you're sick and it sucks, but you've got to get home regardless. You just do it. And again, like, you're feeling like, I don't want to disparage or like lower this, but like you feel a little ill. That sucks. But like you got a cabin. It was fine. So, you know, I don't think it's as dramatic as is being made out to be. And now a lot of her upset is the fact that he lied by saying he was in a meeting. I would love to know, was it specifically like I'm in a meeting or was it I'm on a call because I'm in a meeting I guess is a lie I'm on a call isn't but I don't know like is it really a lie or was it like oh I'm I'm busy was the intended

like takeaway not like oh I'm not doing D&D wink the okay so here's the thing one I think if this was really important to you and you were really not feeling well and you exclaimed like hey I feel like absolute shit and I don't think I'm going to be able to get home by myself and he was like, nah, fuck it, then I think he's in the wrong. If someone makes it very clear that they need help, I will go and help them. 100%.

And that was going to be my third point is like how, like while we're talking about wording, it's like in your head you feel X, Y, and Z. Did you say, hey, I don't feel great. Can you pick me up? Or did you say, I genuinely don't think I can make it home. I'm dying? Because there's a world of difference

between those fucking gobshite. There's a world of difference between those two sentiments, right? And it's like, yes, it sucks but like sometimes what you feel inside isn't what you say outside and to like conflate the two can be really harming for a relationship. The other thing is like you say oh he wasn't at work or with family but like presumably he was with his friends like I don't know if you're playing a person or if they're playing

online or whatever but like why are those the okay things? Why is like I pulled my friend away from a thing that he scheduled with his friends or I pulled my boyfriend away from like you know, his weekly game or his monthly game or whatever, why is that okay? Why is the fact that he's spending time with his friends playing a game? Not unacceptable, but spending time with his family. Like, if he was just over at his parents, I was having dinner, that's okay? You're okay with that? Because I would argue that's far less important, unless he only sees his parents like once a year or something. So it's that, I don't know. There's a lot here and it's really tough to say because like, I understand why you're upset, right? I get it. You asked for help. He said no.

you found out it was because you were playing d and d which you might not take very seriously like i understand all the moving parts of it i understand her part i understand his point i think there's a level of you both kind of like handled this poorly and i don't really think this needs to be as big of a deal as it is well i will also say he did turn it around pretty immediately and be like actually yeah i can come get you and she was like oh it's fine i got off a different place and got taxi so like it's a very different story to just nah i mean that's that's that's why it makes it seem that I don't know if you made it clear how bad you were feeling because if if he's like the second you're like okay well then I'll just grab like I'm not

I'm really not feeling well so I'll grab a cab and he's like well no okay actually I'll come get you I think that is is indicative that like he might not have realized how bad you're feeling yeah and once he did was willing to do the thing that you wanted to do yeah I don't think this one situation again barring context we're unaware of you know if you You literally were like, hey, I think I'm about to pass out and die. I can't make it home. And he was like, lo, I'm at work, wink, and, like, wasn't. That's pretty serious.

But, like, anything less than that, I would really examine the context for yourself to be, like, how much did I actually accurately describe where I'm coming from? How much was he just saying, I'm, like, on a call versus, like, I'm at a meeting? Because you seem to say you knew he wasn't at work. So why would you then believe he was on a meeting? So it's weird to me that you seem to know it but not know it. And now you're trying to claim, like, oh, I thought he was, you know, that, that seems fishy to me. But, like, if this isn't an ongoing indicator of him not caring about you, it's a fuck up, right?

On your behalf, on your behalf, on his behalf, on everyone's behalf, whatever. If this is another in a series of ongoing, like, instances of him not caring about you and disregarding you and picking things over you and, like, not giving a shit about your well-being or whatever, yeah, then you have an issue. But I don't think in isolation, this should be a. damning thing especially because you seem to say one he changed mind he went to go pick you up anyway and two he's been apologizing profusely ever since so it seems like at best this is just a miscommunication or at worst a miscommunication and like a shitty kind of like circumstance

it doesn't seem particularly damning to me no and at the end of the day you are allowed to feel the way you're feeling you can say hey you know when I asked for help and you didn't you chose d and to keep playing over coming to help me that really hurt my feelings like those are all developed things, but say those things. Have that conversation and be like, this is how I felt and I'm a little upset with you. And then, but like, if he apologizes and you believe him, there's really

nothing else you could do, right? Like, he can't fucking go back in time and change what he did. So if you believe that he's truly sorry, then accept it, drop it, move on from it. Like, don't let this hang over him forever. Accept his apology or don't. And if you don't accept his apology, then I think

that's a pretty clear indication that you don't trust him. You don't think he's trustworthy, you know, valid of your time you don't so like break up with them because I really I think those are your two options I don't think just staying mad about him for this one thing it which is pretty small in the grand scheme of

things is is worth it for either of you so either accept his apology and be clear about why you feel the way that you feel and hopefully listen to his side of it and if his side is just like yeah I'm sorry I was I was having fun with my friends and I didn't really want to like come and pick

you up if you were capable of doing it yourself. Yeah, I didn't realize the severity of it, which again, like, it didn't seem like it was that severe a little bit. I would say, like, maybe examine your own kind of like value judgments that you're making, like that, like hanging out with and spending time with your friends is also a pretty valuable thing for people to do. I was about to say especially, man, but like everybody. So, yeah, does he play D&D five nights a week? Sure, it's a little bit less important. Is this like the one time he gets together a month with his friends or something? Like, it doesn't make it unimportant because it's

D&D or because it's just friends. Or because you think it's just a game. Exactly. Just because it's not important to you. Does it like, like would you have, if he was playing soccer, would you have expected him to drop it and come,

like run out of the field and jump in his car and come get you? Or is it because you don't think D&D is cool or is lame or is shitty that you're like, well, it doesn't matter to me. So it shouldn't matter to him. And therefore him priority. advertising it is bad. Exactly. Well, we could talk about this forever, but I think at this point in time, whether you accept this apology or not, and if you don't, then don't just keep hanging it over his head, like, move on. This is from just me. How long before you know? How long before you know that it's right? Background 50 plus, so it's neither of our first or even second rodeo. We both have the baggage that you generate from living a relatively normal life. We both have our families. We are both financially stable. There's nothing rushing us. We met through the normal dating app process, but we live relatively close to each other, so after a short time

chatting, we decided to meet for dinner. The meeting was incredible. We just instantly clicked. What was planned as a nice early dinner turned into a 10-hour date, and then meeting up the next day, and the next. I had no interest in going back on the dating apps. After a week, I learned that neither did she. We both turned off our apps. We acknowledged we were exclusive because neither of us had any interest in dating anyone else. We have seen, talked, or at least texted every day for the last few months. We feel like teenagers, but the infatuation isn't going away. So how early is too early to know? I've always moved rather slowly in relationships. This somehow seems right. Others have told me that you don't truly know someone until it's been a year.

This seems like breakneck pace to my usual slow pace. My partner thinks the same. Is it too fast? Or can you really know this quickly? What are you trying to know? Yeah. Like what is there to be known? Like the way it sounded, I was, I thought the question was going to end with like, am I should I pop the question? I'm going to marry her? But. But like, and that I think we could talk about because I could be like, well, you said you're not in a rush. So why would there be a rush? So if you're even wondering whether you know, wait. But I think that's the answer.

Well, no matter what the, whatever your end goal is, if you're not in a rush and you're like, well, how do I know? Is it too soon to know? Then that's your answer, right? Like if you're not 100% certain, then you shouldn't do anything regarding a relationship. Yeah, especially like one. I don't think there is ever a rush or should be one. I think that's, you know, I think it's a bad way to do things, you know what I mean? Like, I know there can be biological clocks and you could be like, oh, I really want to like have a kid at whatever age.

But like on the flip side, it's like you could then just have a kid when you're not ready or with a bad person and then that itself fucking sucks. You know what I mean? So I really do think like rushing shouldn't really be part of any kind of relationship vocabulary, unless it's like a walk to remember situation. No, but like for real, I don't think rushing. ever benefits you. Like, why the fuck would it? Because you're coming out of a place of like external influence, or be it insecurity or like societal pressure or whatever.

And it's like that, why would that be a good foundation for your relationship? So for this, it's like, do you know if you like them? Yeah, you do, obviously, because you're saying it's great. Do you know if you want to date them? Well, you do because you said you don't want to date other people and you agree to be exclusive. Do you know if they're going to be the one for the rest of the world? I don't think you ever know that.

Ever. You can think it for a while, but things fucking change. Right? You could, you know, in 10 years, have a change of personality, a change of heart, go different directions, die. Like, so there's no point in knowing they're the one because you can't know that. Especially if you've both been married several times or, you know, in a serious relationship several times as implied by your comment, then did you not think that they were the one? Yeah, exactly. Right. Did you not, if you got married, promised to be together until death do you part? Well, you lied. So you thought you knew Unless you killed them Unless you killed them Right like Or I think a lot of people

Remember situation It was a walk to remember situation I don't like Traditional marriage Specifically because of this idea Right that you are promising someone That you're going to love them forever You can't make that promise

Because people change Also love isn't necessarily a choice So it's not like if you start to fall out of love With someone you can be like wait, I made the promise. Bing, I turned it back on. Like, that's not it. You're kind of an unwilling participant in the way you love.

Yeah. It's like the two things that you can promise to anyone is honesty and faithfulness. Those are the two things that you have complete control over. You get to choose whether you're faithful and you get to choose whether you're honest with people. There's no outside factors that can change that. Regardless of like how you feel about someone, regardless of how you care about them, regardless of how much you have changed, those are the two constants that you can

there is an outside factor sleepy chicken sleepy chicken you take that you're not honest anymore you're not faithful but that's the sleepy chicken's fault what the hell are you talking about you haven't forgotten sleepy chicken

I know what sleepy chicken is but what does that have to do with anything you have a sleepy chicken night your honesty's out the window your faithfulness out the window okay bye I just want to bring up sleepy chicken I don't know I was thinking about a lot

I've been thinking about a lot man keep going with your nice sentiments forget my joke I don't know if I can. It's the sleepy chicken, don't blame me. Relax. And I think that's the, if you're not in any rush and you both have your lives and you're both happy with each other and there's no pressing financial, like they all, you have

the perfect storm of taking it slow. You don't need to, like I understand that you might think it's going fast because of like how quickly you're falling for this person. And honestly, I don't want to sell like dick, but at your age, falling in love with someone and being this infatuated and like being this like into someone and like you said you feel like teenagers that's something to be enjoyed and cherished and like a lot of people i think feel like their love lives are dead once they hit 50 or if they're divorced after a certain age so the fact that you like know that's not true and i want to reiterate that it is not true people are

capable of falling in love whenever so the fact that you have this like new spirit that's like lighting a fire in you guys just fucking write it if there's no that's a need to You live close enough. So it's not like you guys met out of state and the only way to like really be together is if you moved in. Like I would understand if that was the, oh, I don't know if that's the good choice. You live close enough. You can keep your own places.

You can see each other frequently. Just fucking ride the wave. That's it. Like what do you need to know? What do you need to change? You don't need to make big decisions. I don't think you knowing shit is going to change anything. You're having a blast.

Things are going well. That's all you need to know. And you know it. So ride the lightning. Keep going. Have a blast. You want a little negative news. You're still in the honeymoon phase, right? And I don't know how long you were single prior to this, right? So there could be some external factors of being like, you were really lonely for several years. And now you have someone who's giving you attention and affection and maybe sex and all this, you know, good feeling stuff. So yeah, that might skew your mindset a little bit. So take it slow. Yeah. It's only been a few months. I don't think the people being like

you don't know someone until after a year arbitrary timelines don't mean fucking shit you could still be like I'm still learning things about my partner I'm still learning things about my friends who I've known for fucking ages there's no amount of time in which like oh I've now filled up my no meter

and now I know everything about you and I've unlocked all your you know alternate outfits yeah yeah like people also change and develop right like in the last day you've done something that has added to your life and I don't know about it. It's such a weird thing. But at the same time, I think that sentiment does come from a like, you don't know someone

after date one. So it's like they mean well. They mean get to know this person. Keep going. I just don't understand what you're worried about. And it feels like you're putting unnecessary strain on what seems like a great thing with kind of like movie logic, right? Like the, what do you know? Who's the one? Like, fuck it. You're having fun. Things are good. You don't have to change shit. So what matters right now? Nothing.

Have fun. Keep going. This is what people I think miss so much in dating is like what matters is what you're doing right now, the fun stuff, the good stuff, the healthy stuff, enjoying that and being a part of it, trying to put a label or be like, what do I know? Like, when is it? Like, that doesn't fucking matter. So you're good.

Just keep going. And we're going to keep going downstairs to play Fortnite. Hell yeah. The Megazort is coming. Megasort. It's coming. And we got to maybe shoot it and then get scared when it comes our way and run away. We love you. Thanks for coming. If you want to support us, please do. We talked about celebrating people. Feel free to celebrate us. Go to our Patreon. Join us. There's extra episodes on there. Give us a share. Give us a like. Give us a review. Tell a friend. Tell an enemy. Maybe they need to hear.

They probably do. We appreciate you. Feel free to reach out with your questions. I don't think we've ever missed a question ever. So we'll answer it here. And we love you. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard Seeds for your song, Paper Stars. And I'm going to take us away with more of our quickly rising favorite segment. It's more fleshlight shit. Good. I had the most ridiculous dream imaginable. It started with me relaxing in my oversized fleshlight sleeping bag, enjoying the soft comfort of its silicone walls,

when suddenly the fleshlight began to vibrate, vibrate like it was summoning something. The walls started growing and glowing, and the portal opened up at the base before I could react or sucked through it and land in the massive throne room made entirely of fleshlights. Hundreds of silicone beings bowed before me, chanting, all hail the king of fleshlights. I was carried to a throne, a golden fleshlight, obviously, but these tiny flesh-like creatures. Just when I sat down, my ex-wife appeared out of thin air, dressed as some sort of fleshlight high priestess. She rolled her eyes and said, of course you ended up here. My fleshlight, cream puff, also appeared, now with glowing eyes, responded to her with her pitched voice.

You never understood his true potential. Then a giant flashlight overlord descended from the ceiling. Tensicles flailing and decared, only the true king of fleshlights can balance to our realm. My ex-wife mother rolling her eyes and was disquested. Suddenly the overlord said, prove your worth, and I was handed a scepter shaped like a fleshlight. I was told to fight off on armies of dildos trying to overthrow the kingdom. I swung the scepter valiantly. Within the middle of the battle, my ex-wife screamed, this is why I left you, and pushed me into a deep and dark fleshlight hole.

I fell endlessly into darkness, and the sound of her disappointed. voice echoed around me. I woke up trenched and sweat. You know what the worst thing about all of that is? I don't know if this man has a fleshlight sleeping bag. This man has thousands of posts like this or worse, as you've heard. I would not put it past him. Because he said it in a way that wasn't like a, that wasn't the fantastical aspect of this post. It was a matter of fact. Can you imagine every night you just got to like loob yourself up and he slipped down into it would probably be really comfortable I'm not gonna like

I do think if I could find a way to stay cool I think I would like to sleep in a flashlight sleeping bag yeah my name is Dave Miller and I'm the whole spoon we've been your fuck buddies