F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Al-Qaeda's Favourite Music Venue

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

Everyone knows that oppressive government regimes are huge fans of the local music scene.  Topics include caught with a a less than true Instagram story, asking someone out who isn't responding, can you just live your life without cold approaching.

I put my trust in you, and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Danemiller And I'm Niles Payne And we're your fuck buddies We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn

them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply but we find, sorry I want to match your energy, simply but we find questions either online or from our incredible listeners and we answer them right here, right now, every Monday, sometimes other places, but we're not going to talk about that right now. When we talk about Dane's positivity hit us. I got some great news. Uh, maybe last week or a week before that, but it's a potassium related.

It is potassium related. Uh, we love it. I, I think I briefly mentioned it in one of the episodes when it was all kind of going down, but my cat got very sick right before Christmas last year, uh, and then got very sick again, uh, a couple months afterwards, uh, to the point where I thought that was kind of it. And my cat's old. He's almost 18, I believe if I've done the math correctly, but he's, he's getting up there. He's, he's an old dude.

He's he's been very low maintenance. He hasn't really had any troubles. Um, but we had two very, very serious scares that were very expensive. But the second time he went into the ER, we had to have him like hospitalized in emergency. We did some tests and we think we figured out the problem. We have since been giving his medication twice a day in a nightmare routine that sucks so bad. And as you all know, cats easiest creatures to pin down and give medication. Yeah. Um, but we, we just got the news as per the last test, uh, his potassium, uh, which was like the big problem. He has hyper aldosterone ism.

Um, and it seems like everything that we've been doing has worked and his potassium are sort of like at the right level and all the money and frustrations and fear was worth it because we seem to have solved the problem that was plaguing him. He's now just back to being an absolute menace and showing no signs of his age. Oh yeah. You know what? That's my positivity thing too cuz I love Oliver Yeah, he's a good boy. He's it's it's crazy. How tough he is. It's crazy how Like resilient and just sort of like you know badass he was like oh incredibly ill gonna keep on trucking. Yeah Oh, I almost died twice. Whatever what evs can't catch me So it was it was it was very good news to hear cuz like every time you bring him in like the first or the last time we

brought him in for the test it was sort of like we're like well he's he's not declining like his his his potassium hasn't been going down he's kind of staying at the level that we had him at which if that's a level that he can operate at we don't have to worry about it and then the most recent time we we brought him in they were like it's actually up into like the normal levels as opposed to sort of like the, this is okay for him levels. Yeah. So that was, that was great news. And it, it's one of those things where it's like, because of his medicine schedule, we really can't go anywhere. So the, the likelihood of us taking a vacation is especially together is, is pretty

much slim for as long as he's kicking around, which we both hope is a long time. But like trying to find someone to come in twice a day to give him three separate doses of medicine is, is unlikely, or will probably cost an absurd amount of money to like hire a private vet or something. So it's, it's, it's a little relief. Like if we were doing all this and giving up all that and not seeing

results, it would be disheartening. But to, to know that what we're doing and the sacrifices we are making are paying off. It's, it was, it's great. Yeah. Nice. I'm really glad to hear it, man. Are you ready for the tea? Ooh, spill it. Well, have you heard of tea? like the letter testosterone the drink keep going it's the app oh the dating app tea

Tea Tea okay, so like the drink yeah, so it is more than an app It's sisterhood, and it promises they can find you verified green flag man. It's an app that's like Yelp, except it's reviews for men. It's also the safest place to spill tea. And it had up to 4.6 million users as of this month. You haven't heard any of the drama around this? No, but I can imagine.

This was like, I can't remember. Do you remember what that one was called? Are we dating the same around this? No, but I can imagine. Yes, you know, I can't remember. Do you remember what that one was called? Are we dating the same guy thing? There was there was that on Facebook. But before that, there was an app and it was like I believe it was a woman's name. Yeah. And every now and then something like this pops up. And yeah, it's like it gets a very bad like the men go crazy the men get very upset

And like I get it. You know, I mean because you know who's to say Someone who's unhappy with you post something bad and then all of a sudden you seem like shit You know, I mean like for all those fears It has not happened to me that I know of but like I understand why people might be upset about it But that recently started to really, really pop off recently. And a lot of men were really unhappy, which then led to the drama where it was hacked. So this whole thing that's meant to like help women date safe and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, man, last Thursday started freaking out on 4chan,

clamoring for a hack and leak to publicly expose the app's users. And then somebody did, leading to more than 70,000 images of teased users, including verification photos, pictures of government's ID. Yikes. And a map that apparently linked their users to locations. Which, and then someone made a site comparing and ranking the user's physical appearances.

Thanks, man. Good job, man. Cool, man. Good job. And then a second data breach happened almost immediately afterwards, revealing direct messages between users, sensitive personal conversations, real names, social media handles, and phone numbers. Good lord. Yeah, so it got really bad really quick and it's like, like guys, if there, if women are worried about men to the extent that they have apps like this for their safety, the way to prove them wrong isn't gathering together en masse, hacking said apps, getting-

Let's make them feel safe online. You don't trust us. Well, we hacked you and we found a location and we posted a map for everyone to see. But my friend Phil over here, he made a website where we're ranking your attractiveness all at the same time. Like guys. It's like a woman. If you were in public and you overheard a woman at a bar say, you know, walking home late at night really makes me feel unsafe. I'm worried that someone is going to attack me. And you said, hey, boys, meet me in this alley and bring your bats. We're following

a woman home. Just to prove that you're safe. Hey, that person's wearing a bulletproof jacket. I can't believe they think they're going to get shot at. Let's shoot them. Yeah. Um, no, I do want to let's at least let's compare my car. Car compartmentalize. There we go. Got it. You got there. Look, man, we know there's been a data breach. We've been podcasting since noon and it's 730.

So we've been podcasting for seven and a half hours. If you're a member of our Patreon, you know this kind of energy and get ready for it because we're doing a Patreon episode after this. Right after this. It's going to be fucking crazy. It's going to be fucking nuts. Anyway, let's put the men's reactions to it aside. I do think there is an inherent problem with this kind of format, I think. And I think you agree in the sense of, so I remember when, I wish I could remember

the name of this fucking app. I wanna say Angie, but I don't think it's Angie. I think Angie is the co code word at my bar for, yeah. That there's someone bothering you. But it was something along the lines of that. And I remember my friend, someone who I was seeing and sleeping with at the time was like, I want to look you up.

And we looked me up and like, none of the tags that were applied to me seemed to really make any sense they were all like pretty nice hmm and like positive I was there was a lot of fuckboy tags on it which looking back hindsight in my 20s yeah I get it like that's fine it's it's a good image when you do this like with the shirt open you're like yeah fuck why you're drinking a monster energy you're doing nothing for the. You're doing nothing for the zero You're doing nothing for the allegations your shirt on button than your monster energy

Heat warning and I've been in this closet for seven and a half hours And look I'll full on a man in my 20s I was I don't know necessarily fucking boys Fuck boys tend to tend to lie and manipulate. I don't know necessarily he was fucking boys fuck boys tend to tend to lie and manipulate I wasn't doing that I was just fucking so I mean I was a boy who be fucking anyway it's the thing fuck boys in the eye of the beholder you know what I mean yeah as is a lot of stuff it's like we've all and I bet you this goes for literally every single person listening to this unless you have never dated anyone,

we have all had a date, a relationship, a sexual encounter, a smooch, a dalliance, anything, and then it has not worked out for one reason or the other and the person has taken it poorly. Yes, I mean, what's- The issue is apps like this give a voice to someone who might not be treating you fairly, who might just be upset, who might be jealous, who might be vindictive, you know,

which is a pity because it is valuable to get information if people are legitimately bad, but who's to say the legitimacy of these things, right? Right, and like for example, the most recently, prior to my partner and I becoming monogamous, I, we were open, we were seeing other people, we were aware of that. That was our agreement. That was a thing. Everyone I was also seeing was aware of that. There was one person who I, you know, they were interested in progressing things further. And I said, you know, at this point in time, I,

it's not something I'm looking for. I did not have on my bingo card for the year that my partner and I decided to become monogamous and move in together. That was not, that was a surprise to me as much as it was to everybody else. It just kind of like happened. The circumstances were right. The, the vibes were right. You know, I, I, things happen also. It's like, you can't predict like, oh, in a year I'll be in love, in two months, things fucking happen.

So someone took that very poorly. And when I explained it to them and I was like, hey, here's a situation that's changed. And it was like, they were one of the first people I told because I thought it was important to let them know and considering the circumstances and considering that I knew that they wanted something a little bit more.

So I was very careful with my wording and I was very, very sure to be like, hey, this isn't anything to do with you. It is just a, I found someone, I wasn't expecting it. I know this might- Well, wait, we have an exact quote here. It says, bouncing my dick onto the next hoe. Dang You're not beating. I don't know what you're talking about.

Get that monster out of here Yeah, you know I was I was just extra sensitive with the idea of of Providing that information to this person and They did not handle it well. I was called a liar about things. And I was just like, I, I've been nothing but transparent this whole way through and very honest with you about all these things.

You could call me an asshole if you want. Like if you feel that that's fine, but it's like a liar I was not. And that is to go on to say, it's like that person could then go on this app and say whatever the fuck tags, which I think in my opinion, I handled the situation the way I would want it handled. So in my opinion, it's like I how where's where's the defense? How do I how do I tell people? And it's like, you know, it could potentially ruin great relationships,

et cetera. But I also at the same time, I do realize that when you see the reactions of men and how this work, you, you realize that there is a need for additional security from these lunatics. So like I do, I think the idea of rating and anonymous reviews is a bad idea. I don't think that's ever going to work. Yeah. But I do think like we've, we've seen other dating apps where there is almost like a review process for men to get on such as, uh, you know, you have to have a woman or someone who identifies as a woman vouch for you. And otherwise you're placed on a waiting list and like they trickle men in kind of slowly.

Um, unless you have, you know, a couple of women, if you're, you're female friends or whatever, vouch for you, then you're brought in. Right. And then it's like, Oh, this person was vouched for, we think they're okay. Yeah. So it is a bummer because it's like, I don't

know how you get to this in a way that is healthy. We do understand why it is a thing people want, but I also hope people can understand why it's a thing that could be weaponized or used for ill intent. But either way, it's just a story that's breaking right now. If you're on T-App and you don't know, maybe change your passwords and maybe, I don't know, maybe change your passwords. And maybe, I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah, it's bad. Maybe just look at what data you have shared on there. And if you are, the worst thing is, it's like if you're sharing something about someone bad, like dangerous, now they maybe know what you've said and that sucks because that's putting you. They have your phone number and your address.

Exactly, exactly. Or at least rough location. So that's really bad. And I gotta say, if you're making an app like this or any app, maybe a little bit more cybersecurity, but you know, yeah, that's, I mean, that's the thing, right? Like you need to, if you're, if you're going to be collecting and like no way, these people didn't realize that this was going to piss people off. We've met men on the internet and if you're making a app specifically to increase the

security for women from men on the internet, then you should understand that there is going to be a bad reaction and you better have fucking airtight security. You know what I mean? Like if you don't, then I would be shocked. Like if anyone's still on this app, you're a crazy person. I would run away from this in a second and not just because I disagree fundamentally with the review aspect of it, but just like if it happened once, it's probably going to happen again and it's probably going to keep

happening. Oh, a little, a little further T here. Cause I was going to say bad. I felt bad for the person cause apparently they made the app because of their mother's experience from online dating. Okay. That's cool. Although that also sounds like a bullshit like because it is a guy who made this app and that like that makes me a little sus already. Yeah. Apparently and again I'm just reading what it says on Wikipedia so do not take me to court but apparently apparently, they were, the app's publishers have claimed that the leaked data contains data from, oh wait, sorry, no.

The leaked data indicates strongly that they are actively storing user verification data past their Terms of Service guidelines. Oh. Yeah. So not only was stuff leaked, it was stuff that never should have even been stored, So that's pretty bad. Yeah. Well, that's what I was thinking with the, like, I assume the government idea is to prove that you're not just making it like you're not just some shitty dude making it.

Like you actually have to prove that like you are by government ID a woman or a woman identifying person. And also in a terrible, dangerous fashion, a lot of the secret, like the direct messages that should have been private are discussing many things, but also like abortions and stuff, which in the States could be incredibly damaging further. This was literally claimed that people were saying, like, this isn't me speculating. People have come forward and said that this was part of the private data that they shared with other women on this app and

Like that could put you in a lot of danger. So yeah, just a little little sex news some bad Most both it's bad. It's bad. Yeah, so if you're on that app I would maybe do some do some internet check-in and making sure all your things are secure this week We're gonna talk about she called me in a stupid lie. How do I recover? Uh, oh god. Maybe we'll just do one from you? Or like only list one for now? Yeah, why? Because I always switch things up? Because we're 18 minutes in?

Yeah. Um... I'm gonna ask a guy out via text. What do I say? It's okay to just chill and go out about your day if you've already been putting in cold approaches. I'm gonna ask a guy over your text. What do I say? It's okay to just chill and go out about your day if you've already been putting in cold approaches. Oh, one of my favorite questions. Yeah, this is blue and green.

Yeah. She caught me in a stupid lie. How do I recover? Stupid move by me. Lol. She was acting cold with me by text, but really warm in person. Anyways, to get her attention, I'm posting more stories on social media to make it seem like I have a more fun life than I do.

So I posted an old video of me at a live music venue bar as a story. When I saw her, she mentioned the story I posted and I told her, yeah, I had a fun night. I made it seem like I was actually there that night. I didn't think she'd catch the lie because it was in another city which I was actually in for the weekend, but she did act suspicious, asking me when I went there, when I left. I had a strong feeling she knew I was lying. I don't know how the fuck she discovered my lie, but how do I recover from that? She's acting a bit cold now. She's been curious about me. I wouldn't be surprised if she looked at the bar on Instagram after I posted the

story of being there and saw a different band was playing that night than the one I posted my story. Stupid situation to get myself into. That's what I get for being disingenuous. I think you're just mentioning the topic of live music venues next time, saying casually the video I posted as my story was actually an old one because I didn't take it that night. I mean, this is tough because I think they're both being weird. You know what I mean? Like, I think there's he's being weird.

He's for sure. Let's say that. But he's being fucking weird. We don't know whether she's being weird or not, because for all we know, the band that they posted, she was there that night or she knows the band or like there's some other like this guy. Look, sorry, dude. This is a dumb move. she knows the band or Like there's some other at like this guy Look, sorry, dude. This is a dumb move. So I don't trust that you're not doing something else dumb here I guess it depends on how the conversation the initial conversation went, right if I post a video on my story

It isn't assumed that it is a live video or a recent video Mm-hmm Like if someone was just like, oh cool, I like that band or whatever, and you said, yeah, I had a great night that night, to me, I wouldn't immediately be like, you're lying because it wasn't actually, like, people post old stuff.

Well, he did say, she was like, oh, I saw your story, and he was like, yeah, I made sure to make it seem like I was there that night. Oh, okay. So like, he was actively trying to pretend it and then I guess something caught on and Then she was like, yeah, or maybe she was like, oh cool. When did you leave like I don't know Maybe she was just asking normal questions and he was in the power. Yeah, I'm mine But like I also kept a badge of ours like, oh, I saw your story.

Yeah, I was there. It's like, I was, I was there that night. It would be crazy if you weren't there. Like, so maybe just the very like maybe just gave the game away instantly. Oh, that night where I was really in that place physically in person. I look, dude, I don't know what to tell you other than like, just go about your life. And if or, you know, if you really want to recover from this, see if you have any other old videos from another venue, this venue or whatever.

And what you do, hopefully you posted this video on a Thursday and you can say another throwback Thursday or something along the right. Post another video and be like another good night and sort of give the implication that like you're going through and reliving like your greatest hits and live music venues. This really really matters depending on how specific you were about you being there that night. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you were about you being there that night. You know what I mean? Like if you were like, I was there last night at this bar, it was, which I think is what he did.

I mean, you could also like just be like, oh, sorry, complete miscommunication. I was there that night, but this is from another, like this is, I didn't get any videos from that, the night I was there, but I did like here's another like I was just you know Yeah, I realized I was having too much fun to take a video. So yeah, like I Did these are the kind of lies where I think like it was your insecurity and your nervousness and your whatever your willingness to impress Like you're not lying about being there

It's not like you have your friends video like that. You never had gone to that place You know, I mean like I don't think it's a huge deal. I think this is a very valuable lesson in your life to be like going forward. There is nothing to be gained about lying about stupid shit like this. Right. And the thing is, I think we'll talk about the lie in a minute and the severity and all that I agree with Dan. I do think your options here are ignore it and never do it again because if it's a momentary

ping and like it doesn't happen again, maybe they'll just be like, that was strange. Like I don't really know. I think he wasn't there, but whatever. And then if things go well later on, you can always look back and be like, look, it's funny. I lied that night to pretend I was doing something cool because I wanted you to see it. And that's cute if you're together And she likes you and it's the only instance right like I once Invited someone to the movies when I was younger and said a bunch of people were coming and then said that they cancelled because I didn't

Actually ask them and then we got to go together and then later on I was like hey I didn't actually ask those people I want me and you to go But I was a little embarrassed to just ask and she she was like, I was hoping that was the case. And it was cute. But lying isn't cute, you know what I mean? So if she was like, wait, I talked to that person and they didn't ask you, I would look like a dumbass. You know what I mean?

But later on, I think it was more like it was a friend of mine who was gonna come and then was like, he, he, tell them I bailed, kind of thing. Like it wasn't that much of a lie. They were like. And I pretended that there was 20 different people coming to this movie and all Oh my god, another person cancelled and another 19 people cancelled

No, just absolutely in tears because all of his friends are bailing on him Yeah, but then I also had to book out 21 seats So all of us could and that ruined me financially and now I'm a podcaster. So Exactly. Yeah, this is now is working off his cinema debt. Yeah, so I've been podcasting for at this point eight hours. So I think you have two options and it's either try to claw back some semblance of sanity. You know what I mean? Do what Dane said.

I will say there are caveats. It depends what you said. If you if there was no gray area, you're fucked. Right. If you do all this and then she's like, yo, that bar was closed that night. It went on fire and burned down. You know what I mean? Like there are things you can't claw back from.

Right. So I would check that that bar was open that night. You know what I mean? Because you never know. Maybe she was there or something. The world is a weird place. So you never know. Right.

At that point in time, you just have to go crazier and crazier into the lie. Yes, always dig deeper. I was the one who set the fire. And this is my alibi. My alibi was that I wasn't there that night. I was there a year ago that night. Yeah, so that's what the camera footage is.

Anyone who saw me there, it probably just remembered me from this night that I was there. Exactly. And if I wasn't there this night that I was there. Exactly. And if I wasn't there this night, why do I have video of it? Yeah, you took that video a year ago. No, I was there a year ago tonight.

I went back in time tonight. I was there. How else would I post on my story? Run in and be like, what day is it? Look at my story. Does it say hashtag later, Graham? I rest my case, your honor. Just run in and be like, is it? Look at my story. Does it say hashtag later, Graham? I rest my case, your honor. Just run in and be like,

is it September? Oh, no. And then pretend like you were trying to stop 9-11 by burning down a bar. Al Qaeda loves that bar. Damn. They always al Qaeda to them.

Look, it's like whenever you have like those those, you know, when they they talk about how like the way that like racist bars become racist bars, where it's like one guy goes in nice and then it's like you don't kick him out because he's like fine and then like a buddy. And by the time that's

what happens when Al Qaeda takes over a bar, they said that they're nicest guy. One guy walks in and he's sketching out how to crash a plane into a tower and you're like, he's nice, though. Then he's all right, guys. Tips really well, really nice, really pleasant. And next thing you know, you got an al-Qaeda bar.

Yeah. Damn. We got off the rails on this one. Yeah. So I I will talk about the lie. I think it's fucking weird. And it's lame. I'm sorry. It's weird. And it's lame. Yes. Don't do it. 100 percent like 100 percent. This is the lesson I want everyone to take from this question. Like, I don't want you to listen to this question and think that we're teaching

you how to get out of a lie. Yes, I want you to realize that you've done something dumb and the lie is dumb and the lie is pointless and it's there's no benefit to it. Yeah. When the thing is, if it works, she goes, oh my God, how was your night? You're like, oh shit. If it doesn't work, she doesn't pay attention and you've done a weird, sad thing for no reason.

And do you really want the sort of foundation? It all comes down to, it's weird to lie to people. It's weird to lie to people that you like. It's weird to lie to your friends. It's weird to lie just in general about weird shit, right? So just be straight up. I understand that social media is fake. I understand that everything is curated,

everything is, you know, a lot of people put a lot of thought into what they share online in order to give the illusion of stuff. But there's a world of fake between like, this is the best night ever, putting your phone down and being like, man, I was mid. And like, I was there that night when you just were not. Because look, here's the thing.

You posted this video to get her attention. You got her attention. That means, and I promise you right now, my dude, she didn't give a shit about that video. In the sense of no matter what you had posted, what you were doing that night, she probably would have responded because it seems like she's into you, right?

So it's not the video that made her her unless it's like her dad's bar or something. And that's the you know, I mean, like that's why she knows you were there. Yeah. Unless there's like a direct link between her and that specific bar or that specific band. And that was the bait. She's responding her story regardless of like what the content is, most likely. So like the funny thing is, you're setting a trap that's self-defeating because if she's responding to your story, she cares. And if she doesn't, she doesn't.

So your story isn't changing anything. That's that's what I mean. Like it's it's a so like you could have posted you just hanging out by the fire pit with the boys having a brew and you probably would have gotten like, Oh, that looks so nice. That like, that looks really relaxing. I wish I was doing that the same way that you posting a rave of you, like partying at a bar or listening to live music or whatever got the same response.

The only caveat is if she, the second she saw this video, she knew you were lying somehow, which is very fun to me to imagine. I just really want to know what she knows. But the thing is, she was standing in that exact spot. It has a video from like almost that exact angle and was like, that's not it. She's like, I'm from the exact angle, but like a half a meter back. So you would have been right in front of me. Yeah, but you weren't.

So at the end of the day. What if, oh, you've grown half a foot in the last year and she knows from the camera angle That that was old. Yeah old five foot five you not new five tan Yeah, you spent a lot of time getting your posture up. Yeah, that extra like couple inches a big slouch energy in the camera She's using like CIA bullet trajectory She's using like CIA bullet trajectory math. Well, you've seen like women who do the thing where they calculate the guys like height based on his video of him walking through like his POV. It's crazy. But anyway, don't do it.

If you feel insecure about this, like either one, get over it. And I don't mean that it gets easy, but, you know, you should try to get over it or to go and do something fun. You know what I mean? Like if you're feeling lonely and sad and you're hung up on this person and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What better than to go out with your boys or your girls or your whoevers to a music event or yourself to a music event or have a chill night doing something fun? You know what I mean?

Like you could also use that exact same video and just be like, great time last time I was here or like wish I was doing this tonight. Or, you know what I mean? Like, could also use that exact same video and just be like great time last time I was here or like wish I was doing this tonight or you know what I mean? Like can't wait to see these guys again. Like you could still use that video. Just contextualize it. Put it in the. Yeah, it's it's dumb. So like lying about this stuff. And we've talked about it before. But like, you know, if you know, she's a huge soccer fan, don't post a video of you sitting at a bar, watching a soccer match just because it's on. You're not watching it. It's just there at the bar. You don't know anything about soccer. So you're putting it, you're just, you're setting yourself up to fail. Like I said, it's a self failing prophecy of you've told a lie that you can't get out of because it means nothing to you. You've, you've fucked yourself. So just be genuinely interested and interesting in things that matter to you

and don't lie about things that don't matter at all. Yeah. To anyone. A hundred percent. Um, I fucked up. I read the wrong, uh, wrong question. Um, it's, it's very similar, but I think this one has more discussion potential. Um, this is, I plan on asking someone out through text, but she isn't responding.

So I accidentally messaged a Facebook friend with an emoji about a couple of months ago. She responded the next day. We catch up. We both have responded. OK, let's let's take it. Let's take a back a notch. You didn't do it by accident. Yeah, we know you didn't do it by accident. Don't lie to us, especially an emoji. What are you doing? Unless it's the thumbs up, in which case maybe that's a clicky.

But you were still like looking at her profile. Yeah, you were in their chat and that's like, yeah. We catch up. We have we both have been responding to each other every few days, although she was slightly faster, although last week it took me five days to respond. However, she still didn't respond. A month later, I did respond to her story on Instagram. We had a brief chat, but after response, she didn't read the message.

I'm thinking about asking her out for coffee, but she isn't answering. What do I do? Well, you don't ask her out for coffee first, like if she's not responding. That's what you don't do. So what you need to do is reignite a conversation. I think you have one more chance,

because if you've reached out twice now and they've tapered out pretty briefly Could be she's done with this for whatever reason which is fine So I think you give it a proper shot. Don't be weird. Don't be overbearing Just like you know, whatever you guys usually talk about or whatever just be like hey Blah blah blah blah blah have a little chat And if you are in the midst of like a good chat, then you fuck with this light is real distracting. If you're in the midst of a good chat

and the conversation is flowing, that's when you say, hey, I've been really enjoying talking to you lately. Do you want to go grab coffee sometime? You don't hit them with that cold. And if you can't get to a point where the conversation is flowing, I think that's your answer. Yeah. Now, I will say caveat to that is if the, if she posts a story of herself at a bar and with like a, with a drink, when did you leave?

Were you there that night? Are you actually there? You, I think you can be like, I love that place. We should grab like, we should grab a drink there sometime. I think that like, you can, you could slide in if in if there's if there's like a thing that's happening. I think that one I wouldn't hit them with it immediately. I would hit them with like, oh, I love that place. Yeah. And then if they respond.

Yeah. You could pretty quickly go, oh, we should go there sometime. Right. Or if you know a place that's like a similar vibe, be like, yes. Oh, have you been to? Yeah. You're at that bar. I love that bar. It like it reminds me of this other bar. Have you been there or anything? Oh, I love that place. And she's like, yeah, they've got fucking great wine. And then you go, oh, have you been to X?

And if she the best case is she says no. And you go, oh, we should go. I'll take it. Right. I will say the only time you can hit them up straight up, like a cold, like, boom, let's go out is very similar situation. I will say the only time you can hit them up straight up, like a cold, like boom, let's go out, is very similar situation, is if someone goes like, oh, I really want to go for cake, or like they post a thing being like, you know, a meme.

It's like sitting in bed dreaming about noodles, or some shit, you know what I mean? Like if it's that, you can hit them with like, me too, we should do it, or something like that. Because they've brought it up in a way and it's like kind of playful, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That's the only time you can straight up hit them with it.

Yeah, or if it's, you know, like just being like, I always want espresso martinis. Be like, me too, let's go get espresso martinis on Tuesday or something. I think if you're gonna do that, like you gotta be direct and you gotta, like clear as to what's happening. Right. I find that most people are so afraid to shoot their shot to like really pull the trigger on it and leave it vague and wishy washy and be like, sometime, maybe if you're interested would like, it would be cool if you could also be interested in doing a thing with me perhaps.

And it's just like, one, you sound so insecure. Like the confidence, just there's none there. And two, like it also sounds disingenuine. It also sounds like you don't really want to or- Yeah, there's like the, oh, we should totally hang. But you don't mean it. Yeah, so I think if you're gonna ask, you've gotta be like,

hey, I've been craving an espresso martini all week. What are you doing next week? Or on Thursday or whatever, right? Like, do you wanna grab one sometime this week or next? You know what I mean? Like, I think you also have to judge based on the answer, right? If she says something along the lines of like,

oh yeah, that sounds great. Like my schedule is real busy, though. Be like, OK, like and then you could I feel like you can ask one more time. And if you get the same sort of or give them like, well, let me know, you know, if you're free, you know, or I'm free Thursday. So like if you're around, let me know something like that. Like you can kind of get the ball tentatively in their court. Absolutely. And then you get one more and then you just got to stop. And then it's like, OK, well, she knows you want to ask her out because then you could like after the if she gives you a noncommittal,

be like, cool, I'm so down. My my schedule is pretty flexible on the weekends or in the midweek or whatever. Be like, anytime you're free, give me a shout. And at that point, she knows it. You know it. If she wants to play a game of like, well, he didn't try hard enough. He only asked me twice. You know, she's not worth it. That fucking is lame and it sucks. And, and there's no point jumping through hoops of someone's imaginary obstacle course in order to get and spend time with them. A great way to kind of like build interest in them is you, you leave the ball in their court and you step away. That's really confident, right? That's kind of ballsy. Maybe they'll be like, oh, OK, like, let them sit with it.

I think that's a really good thing. And then post a story about like a concert you were at last year. But pretend it was that night. Just so they're like, oh, shit, he's having so much fun. Well, I guess I guess I'm not that important if he's all the way in Chicago. It's the concert you're at. Maybe the concert he was at was the Coldplay one. Right. He posted it and they're like, what? They're like, yeah, happened tonight.

It's like they're cheating again. No, I'm pretty sure that drop or like the lead singer is dead. It's like, well, it's that racist ghost guy. Yeah. Wait, I'm sorry. Well, oh, yeah, that guy, Peter Steele. Yeah. Something stupid like that. Yeah. Wait, I'm sorry. Well, remember, oh, yeah, that guy, Peter Steele. Yes. I'm stupid like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Just like you can't cold call her with this unless there are very specific circumstances. Otherwise, try to get the conversation going. If that doesn't work, she's not going to want to go out with you. She doesn't want to chat to you. It does suck. Like I know that feeling of like, especially like on online dating,

when you first match with someone and you've got the like fucking banter and it's so much fun and then like a day or something goes by, you're busy, they're busy. And then like you're like, it's hard to revisit. Why do I just be like, what up? How you doing? And it's so weird because then like if they don't respond to that one, you're kind of like, yeah, you don't want to be. OK, I don't like I did really like this, but I don't want to send three unanswered messages.

And that's when like that sucks. So you really, I think there's like a brief window. Like once, once the conversations are going, you gotta, you gotta just get in there. You gotta like not wait for that perfect moment, that perfect in, because I feel like a lot of people have like, they have like a gambit and they're like, it's almost like volleyball where they're like, you know, setting it up and like, you know, laying up the next bench. It's hope that they say this so that you can say this so that you

you know what I mean? Like, and then and then if like if they don't respond, you're like, huh, the ball just hits the sand. You're like, well, now I got to start over again to set it up and just go for the spike. Just just go for it. Yeah. But after you start a natural good conversation. Yeah. All right. This is by decal 1210. It's okay to just chill and go on about your day if you've already been putting in cold approaches. I usually have no problem approaching women. I've done plenty of cold approaches, so it's not like I avoided out of fear. I like how defensive it is already. Like, look, I usually do this. It's not like I avoid out of fear, but today I

saw this cute nurse type woman at a cafe. I love nurse type women. A big, big fan of nurse type women. Nurse type. I find like nurse type are really effective against healthy types. I don't know. It gets sick type. It gets poison type. It gets poison type. Yeah, yeah. She looked at me before she sat down, definitely clocked me. And I noticed the energy. Flowers locked in doing my own thing. And honestly, I just didn't feel like approaching.

And it got me thinking. Is it cool to just let a moment pass sometimes and go on with your day? Or is that missed opportunity mindset? I know consistency is key in dating and cold approaches, but I also feel like if I've already put in work that week, maybe I don't need to chase every potential vibe, especially if I'm not focused or not in a super social mood. Curious what you guys think. When is it okay to just not make a move? How do you avoid feeling you missed your shot afterwards? This man could have caught a Chansey and he didn't take the chance. Aye. Um, the, ah, man, this is, this is upsetting. I like, I, so my partner and I have a, have a little game that we play where,

um, I will sometimes jokingly, like if she holds the door for a dude, as we're like entering into a place, I'll, I'll be like, oh, so he's cute. Is that what you're holding the door for him? Like kind of like pretending to be like a shitty insecure guy. And then like within about, I would say 30 seconds of that bit, I'm like, I'm exhausted. I can't imagine living life this way of this like constant dread and feeling of,

I didn't immediately across this woman in public. Am I wasting my life? Am I like, what is happening? Like it's- But like, the best thing is that's not really what's happening here also. It's more like he's apologizing to the man of seduction. Yeah. That he's letting them down. Like they're going to say, that's not allowed. Like, who who do you think is going to be like, yeah, that's not OK. Like who are you apologizing to? Who are you asking permission for? Like, that's that's what I mean. Like, what are you doing, my dude?

If you don't want to talk to someone, you don't have to simply because the option is there because, hey, let me tell you this, I'm going to blow your fucking bean right open. You could talk to anyone. In fact, you could talk to everyone. Literally anyone you meet, you can have a conversation with. I might not recommend that you do, but like that is a possibility. So if you're worried that you're not taking the opportunity

to talk to people, where does the line cross? And you even say, it's like, I don't want to do it. Yeah, cool. But what do I have to? Yeah. Do you have to? Are you cursed? Like the best thing is, like if we go down the road where it's like, yes, you have to. Like what is allowed? Oh, I need to go to the bathroom.

But I was at the mall and there were also women. Yeah. A woman a woman did look at me. Women existed in the mall. But I did need to pee those seven minutes are those missed opportunities in order to talk to these women I did piss myself Yeah, it didn't work somehow approach Disgusted by me nice. Thank you. It's it's Dude, take a deep breath now. Oh, sorry

I just I made a face while you were talking a second ago and I feel like I should explain I wasn't sneering and being repulsed by you. I've read the comments. Oh, yeah. Well, you know what? Let's just jump into the comments. Let's let's hear what seduction has to say to this poor gentleman. This isn't in order, but approach approach. Always like a machine.

Every opportunity you get your daily life. I don't know if it's a joke or not. I don't know if it's a joke or not I don't know if it's joke or not then we got depends if you think you need to breed that person that was what I was making the face of oh you know today most shows that you regret it not approaching hurts more than approaching. No, no. Incorrect. You making this post shows that you have a very unhealthy mindset about this and you probably need to talk to somebody and also take it. Take a sec.

Take a breath. Yeah. Maybe yourself maybe like do a whole day where you're not completely consumed by the idea of validating your worth by whether or not you can get a phone number or a conversation out of a stranger. Yeah. What I love is like in a lot of like seduction posts, it's like, how do I get into the seduction mindset? How do I do more cold approach?

And it's like tips for how to always be cold approaching. And this person needs to do the opposite. Where it's like, how can I not approach? I can be like, how can I not approach? I can be like, hey, so you could sit down and you can look at your phone. And he's like, okay, I'm gonna put that into my daily routines.

Like you could talk to a friend. He's like, oh man, this is like, we could be like anti dating coaches. You know what I mean? How do I not? We just teach you how to chill out. Yeah. Now I do the tech pros rediscovering like conversations.

Yeah, and like sailboats. I I'm worried we're falling into the pitfall of being me And I understand seduction requires a bit of more of a heavy hand But I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to go positive here and say you are on the cusp of learning something sir Yes, you you are realizing that your worth and your time isn't intrinsically linked to whether or not women find you attractive, whether or not you're getting arbitrary numbers,

whether or not you're having arbitrary conversations with women. And what you really need to do is realize this feeling that you're having right now is probably mirrored by the people that you're talking to. Right. She's also just going about her day and she has decided to not approach you either. Right. Even if you are correct and she looked at you and she checked you out and she, there was a vibe and there was a whatever she has decided what's more important to her is to have her lunch or whatever the fuck she was doing reading

her book. And like you can do the same Be kind of how it should be man You know I mean like if every person I saw who I was attracted to I had to go and talk to That would suck you know I would for their exaust for me. I wouldn't want to leave my house No, right because it's like a chore It's like if every time I walk past like you know set a set of stairs, I felt, oh, I'm trying to get more into shape. I'm trying to exercise more.

So every time I see stairs, do I have to run them? Do I have to do 20 sets of stair runs every time I see a set of stairs? I want to get better. I want to get more fit. I want to exercise. Should I run upstairs every time I see them? And that's already bad, but it's better because you're not abusing the stairs. You know what I mean?

The stairs aren't like, Jesus fucking Christ, another one. Yeah, the stairs are inanimate objects that are meant to be walked up. Yes, exactly. Women are not objects in which you can use as walls, you know, speech walls to talk to. It's like, look, have you sat down beside someone

who's fucking beautiful and maybe you share a smile or eye contact and you think she's hot as fuck? I would be great to go on a date with her or something. And then they get off and you never see them again. Yeah. But that's where it should end. Like, that's it. It's like you go, they they were hot and you move on. Like you cannot nor should not hit on everybody.

And you definitely won't like hook up with everybody. You know what I mean? So it's going to happen. So you need to be okay with that. And step one of that is just being able to be like, they are attractive and I will not interact with them further than my eyes landing on them. And that's fine.

Especially when you have something you wanna do. Respect your time, respect yourself. And when you do that, flip it around and respect the people around you and their time as well. Right? Like that's the ultimate goal of this is should you both feel so inclined to speak to one another? You will.

Yeah. It'll happen. And if you're nervous or whatever, maybe, maybe you don't, that's fine. But like if, if the drive there for both of you and, and the, the, you know, the connection is undeniable, something will happen. Yeah.

Maybe. And, and there's a good chance that like, maybe it won't. And that's fine. Like to live your life in such fear of missing opportunity and such fear of like missing out on it, it's like, that's everything dude. And I cannot imagine living life with that sort of,

that level of anxiety of, cause you feel that way about, you know, friends? Do you feel that way about opportunities of like discovering new music or going to see, like you trying new restaurants? Like, do you walk past a bar and see a menu in the winter? Like, that looks good. Or walk past like a place that smells really good.

Do you are like, are you like, oh, God, I'm not hungry. But that pizza place smells so fucking good. I got to go in and eat a whole pizza. To be fair, as an incredibly hungry person, that is kind of my struggle every day. Yeah. But like, do you want to know if we thought like, oh, if we thought like that, do you know how many opportunities we missed? Podcasting for eight hours and 15 minutes today Do you know the crippling weight of everything we missed out on it would squish me and Dane flat?

I don't remember what my girlfriend looks like. Hey, you've been in here for eight hours. She's not your girlfriend anymore. She's left me Her and my cat have packed small little suitcases. That's a little cute little bindles over their shoulder. And they have they have left me. Yeah, that's right. As well, they should. They should. Yeah. Thank you for coming along, for being here, for being part of this. We love you.

Everything's about to get a little bit more goofy in this next episode, because let me tell you, I'm about to crack a beer and one beer plus eight hours of podcasting equals me having a lot of fun on this Patreon episode. So if you want to see how unhinged things are going to get, just join the Patreon and you'll also be supporting us and helping make these eight hours of grueling labor worth it. It's true. We love you. It's important to us that you know that. Yeah, it really is. Like, again, I know we complain and bitch and moan. It's important to us that you know that. Yeah, it really is. Like, again, I know we complain and bitch and moan.

It's generally a joke and or just because it's so hot in here. But it's never about you. We're doing the show because we love you. And we hope you enjoy it, too. Please send in a question. Doesn't even have to be sex and dating related. But we should be probably. This is the thing.

Now, and I have realized that we want to the show is show is in a metamorphosis in our brain right now. So we don't necessarily need questions. If you want to hear discussions on topics, if you want to hear our thoughts on things, like we want to maybe open up, I've been trying to do it like bring more discussion questions and sort of like, you know, have a conversation about stuff because I feel like

we've given a lot of advice and I feel like a lot of the Advice that we've given can be applied to a lot of scenarios So now we're gonna start making problems instead now we're gonna be a problem. You now have to solve our Shit, that would be great. No, but for real we're gonna maybe shake some things up a bit And if you have thoughts on that if you love everything and you don't want a single thing to change let us know if you have thoughts on that, if you love everything and you don't want a single thing to change, let us know. If you like something we stopped doing or you want just let us know. We're easy. We're chill. We're trying to have fun. We're trying to really discover what fuck buddies can become.

And we would love to do that with you, because without you, there is no fuck buddies. Yeah. So on that note, thank you, Josh, you go in the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. And here's some bad sex writing. Ready, Dan?? I'm ready. But she was. For the bathroom door didn't altogether close due to the old frame of the house settling over the centuries. And she had to sit on the toilet some minutes waiting for the pee to come. Men, they were able to conjure it up immediately. That was one of their powers. That thunderous splashing as they stood lordly above the bowl. Everything about them was more direct. Their insides weren't the maze.

Women's were for the P to find its way through this. We're finally justified when we say that we're going to go, you know, have a big piss. I'm glad that someone has finally acknowledged the fact that women's women's pee has Big mind through there's ovaries. There's uterus. There's cervix and that's I don't think of it Think of it this way. You're a pee, right? You're piss and you're going down the road and then there's a cervix. Like what do you do with that? What are you hard? It's like women's women's bladder women's urinary tract system. It's like a Rube Gold

Smith what is you don't know who goes rub gold seed machine it's like fucking hitting marbles and like knocking over like the birds that dip in the water men it's did you know rec line from yes to dick just is one straight line and I drink and the second later I better be standing lordly above the bowl Cause it's out It's a nightmare, do you know how much I've p- You've seen me sip from this monster My- He's been peeing this whole time

Flood it My name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Payne And I'm your pissy boy Oh no you