F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Black Lives Matter

Episode Date: June 8, 2020

This week we take a step back from our usual show to use our platform to support the Black Lives Matter. Books recommendations:  'Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race' by Beverly Daniel Tatum 'When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir' by Patrisse Khan-Cullors and Asha Bandele 'So You Want to Talk About Race' by Ijeoma Oluo 'Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower' by Brittney Cooper Important Links: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ https://bailfunds.github.io/ As of this publishing, the Youtube video to donate without money has been taken down.

Hello, my name is Dan Miller, and I'm Niall Spain, and this isn't going to be your usual Buck Buddies episode. I remember listening to last week's episode and we said something along the lines of like, God, there's a new fucking disaster every week. I wonder what we'll be talking about, you know, this time next week or in a few days. And of course, shit did hit the fan and a lot of really serious things are going on right now. So we decided to take a moment to step back from releasing our episodes and

not making a bunch of dick jokes while, you know, some really serious shit is going on and, uh, just focus on the task at hand. Yeah. We contemplated heavily about releasing last week's episode. Um,

but we had already recorded it and we figured it might be sort of a glimmer of hope or, or a little bit of normalcy. But now we feel like it would be irresponsible to use our platform the way, the way that we have been as if nothing is going on. So we're, we're now using our platform, hopefully to, to bring awareness and to answer some questions that you might not think are

important, but are, are fundamental in being an ally and fundamental in addressing this in a, in a positive way. Like now said, this isn't going to be, this is going to be a much shorter episode. This is going to be almost entirely focused on the current events happening in America and around the world,

really. And we, like I said, we will be talking about a couple of questions or a couple of topics that, that I think are important to address, especially as two white men. And hopefully for other white people to listen to and, and understand the,

the ramifications of, of simple things of, of speech in terms of phrase. Yeah. First, I would like to say black lives matter. I hope you've seen and haired and agree with the, the sentiment because it,

we should never have to say it, but we do.'s get that out like get that out there first and foremost we are completely and utterly behind the people protesting and i think one of the things you want to talk about is a lot of people get very offended when people say that and they retort with all lives matter uh and we're just going to tell you that that is completely a terrible response to the situation. If you are like so offended by the fact that people would say Black Lives Matter and you're like knee jerk reaction is to think that that precludes other lives from mattering. I don't know what world you're living in, because like take a minute and look around like the treatment of black people like in in America, in Canada, in a lot of places is very, very clearly documented. Like it's not an opinion. And like someone saying black lives matter is not them saying other people's lives do not matter. They're saying, hey, remember that

that is part of all lives because apparently people have forgotten that. Like the cops in America have forgotten that. The judicial system has forgotten that um a lot of society has so saying that is akin to like you know there's a million different analogies of it online and it sucks that you have to get reductive about shit like this because apparently people can't look past their own biases but like if there are six houses on and one of them is on fire and you say hey let's put out like let's spray down this house someone doesn't come along go i don't know all houses should be sprayed down it's like yeah but that one's on fire no spray them all down they all count all all houses matter no burning houses matter more when you're talking about putting out fucking fires like i don't understand why people can't seem to to get the just just to get the message behind it but like

there's a problem with black lives like they're being killed in numbers that are skewed so far away from white lives for example that like that's why people are saying black lives matter it is not precluding other lives it is not saying you don't matter yeah it's it'd be one thing if it was called only black lives matter and that is specifically not what it says. Yes. When you say all lives matter, you are erasing the point. And I want to sort of splinter off from there. And I've seen a lot of my white friends coming out with these revelations of being like, I used to be racist, and here's what I did.

And while I think that is important, I don't necessarily think it's important to share on public forums. I think that's something to talk about your, to your white friends about, but it seems like now is not the time to look for forgiveness. That that's, that's not what this is about. This isn't about forgiving white guilt. This isn't about for, you know, dealing with white fragility. That's not what this is about. What this is about now is lending your voice to the cause. And if you aren't able to do that for whatever reason, it's about amplifying black voices who are fighting for the cause. And that is the fundamentals of it.

Don't make this about you. Don't make this about your past. Don't make this about your struggle. This doesn't have anything to do with you. It is very much a white problem, but it is not one that we are meant to broadcast. It is one that we're meant to support. And it is one now that we're meant to amplify through our voices and help increase the message and not make the narrative about us. Yeah. You don't want to splinter off, you know, the mainstream and be like, Oh, but look over here at my revelation. It's like,

if you're not racist anymore, great. Use that not being racist to, you know, help the fucking cause. Don't, don't have a little like, you know, soapbox moment. Um, with that being said, there's also another thing I've, I've been very active on social media uh and very vocal about this on social media is stop sharing photos and this is specifically for white people because i'll get into why i think it is um but stop sharing photos of cops kneeling stop sharing photos of cops hugging uh black protesters stop showing cops um doing you doing cute things and photo op things. Because while you can argue all the time that there are good cops out there and no one is going to argue against that. But what you do then is you start giving cops press that they don't need. They can do whatever they want, regardless of whether you respect them. They can do whatever they want, regardless of whether you respect them. They can do whatever they want,

regardless of whether we like them. They can do whatever they want, no matter what. What we need to do now is, so what I'm saying is the cops don't need our help. The cops don't need good media. The cops don't need better optics.

And like all the good media is almost taking away from the fact that like the problem isn't solved. One group of cops doing something for a photo op which sometimes has been you know legitimate and other times they've immediately like tear gassed the crowd afterwards um so it's like all that does is take away from the problems that still remain that haven't been fixed and that this hopefully will be a movement towards fixing and i I get it.

Like a lot of people are coming at it from, you know, like, oh, look, it's good news. This is progress. Or like, you know, they want that little kind of like glimmer of light in the midst of what otherwise has been a pretty harrowing week. Like we've all seen some really fucked up stuff, but it's not really doing what it's meant to be doing. It's not doing anything good, I don't think. No. really doing what it's meant to be doing it's not doing anything good i don't think no um and the thing what i think i've seen a lot of white people share it and a lot of the times people

were like well no this is a good thing and i usually explain it to them and it's like well this is great for us for white people it is great to see cops kneeling because that means that things are being resolved when they when they are this is for all intents and purposes it's an empty gesture because either down the street or one state over one city over or whatever there are cops who aren't kneeling there are cops who are firing at peaceful protesters there are cops who are firing and arresting press there are cops who are macing and tear gassing peaceful protesters. There are cops kettling protesters

into civilian streets. And as long as that's happening, we can't be patting the cops on the back. We shouldn't be congratulating cops for doing the job they have signed on to do that they are legally required to do as cops. There's no reason to say, hey, you didn't shoot anyone today.

That's not something to celebrate. That's another thing. That is the place we're at. If that is the place where cops should be celebrated for not hurting anyone, then we, there's no arguing that there is a problem, systemically. Also, I'm sure those cops, if they are doing this, like,

honestly, they don't want to have their images take over the message because if they support the message that's not what they want if it is what they want then they don't support the message so exactly you know it's like if you support the image that much then go with the spirit of the image and instead of sharing it keep fighting the good fight elsewhere you know and and that's not to say i'm not advocating that you share videos of violence and i'm not saying you have to but show post videos and photos and stories of the peaceful protests show the thousands of people who have marched peacefully show why that yeah show the

protests across the world show you don't have to resort the options aren't anti-cop and pro-cop those aren't the options right now right now is you're either pro-movement or anti-movement and if you're a pro-cop right now i would say that you are anti-movement and that's not to say that there's a correlation between you know cops and and black lives matters i mean there is but but there isn't you know you you have to pick and choose your battles. And right now, helping the cops look better should not be on your agenda. The thing is, like, they're not fighting for a better image. But, like, this isn't about cops.

It definitely involves them. But it is not, like, their movement. So leave them where they are and focus on the protesters. Yeah, I often encourage people. I said, look, when when we no longer have news of cop cars driving through protests or, you know, any sort of acts of aggression from the cops, then we can start, you know, maybe realizing that, hey, we've done a job here. But until all of those acts stop, because all you need is one cop to do it and you haven't made a change. You know, also caveat, obviously we are not perfect. So if, you know, like, I'm not saying that we're coming in here with, uh, the be all and end all approach to everything, but hopefully we're, you know, we're trying to be positive about all this. If anybody has any constructive criticism for us, by all means, uh, send it our way.

Yeah. We're happy to listen. I mean, that's what we've been doing for the past you know week is is listening and and supporting and amplifying it's it's what our objective has been um and i've i've talked about peaceful protests and and it's it would be remiss to not talk about the writing and the looting um i'm not going to get too much into, you know, whether you condone lives of human beings and specifically black men, specifically unarmed black men at the hands of cops. I actually have a good quote.

I kind of wanted to share on that if you don't mind. Absolutely. To consider riots violent, one must consider destruction of property violent. Buildings, cars and merchandise can be replaced. Floyd's life cannot be given back to him. Violence is what the state uses to kill Black people, to partially blind journalists, and to run over protesters. I'd argue that any violence in the form of fighting ages of the state in these circumstances is justifiable and should be considered self-defense. But regardless of your own personal take, no amount of flipped cop cars

or burnt down precincts could even begin to rival the destruction done by the state through the police force. In 2019 alone, police shot and killed 1,004 people in the United States. Those lives cost more than a $100,000 squad car. The outrage over damaged property shows plainly who and what this country values. And it's clear that the police state values private property rather than people and will go to extreme measures to protect the latter. I don't think anything else needs to be said. I think that sums it up better than I think I could say. Yeah. I don't think anybody is... I know it's one of the big defenses of people who are anti-protest. And I think in some cases, it is ignorance. They're legitimately fearful of businesses and people and like i can understand

where that's coming from and in a lot of cases i think it's just an excuse because they don't agree with the movement and they don't want to seem like a racist um but the thing is like if you're so upset that people are being driven to to lengths and firstly let's point out that most of the protests seem to be very peaceful. You know, not to say there hasn't been rioting and looting and all that, but like overall, it seems to be a very peaceful movement until the cops get involved in a lot of cases also. But instead of being like, oh, it's terrible, like look at blah, blah, blah. You need to look at a bunch of things like one, people don't do this for no fucking reason.

So if you're upset about how dramatically things have kind of like what the dramatic points things have risen to, then look at what drove them to that. Like the amount of deaths and horrible murders and killings of the police of black men and women, and then just the complete lack of any repercussions. Like the guy himself was going to get off until all this happened. So one, you have the problem and two, you have apparently the solution. If people didn't riot and if people didn't protest, I don't think that would have happened. So you need to look at what drove them to do it. And you need to realize that people's lives are more important than property. And also a lot of, a lot of the writing and looting has either been outside forces or people not involved to just kind of like,

you know, seize the opportunity. We're looking at what you said, mostly a peaceful protest that has gotten results. Prior to these protests, the cop that killed George Floyd was not arrested. Prior to these protests, the three cops who stood by while he was killed were not arrested. But it's like we don't have 400 years of oppression on our backs. We're not carrying that weight. We're not carrying that anger. We're not carrying that pain. So to look at a group of people who have been oppressed for so long by so many people and say, well, you shouldn't do this. That's not the way to do that.

And it's like, white people weren't allowed to get haircuts or go to Applebee's for a few weeks. And they stormed government buildings ready for war and nothing happened to them. So we can't like imagine how that would have escalated if that was amplified by 400 years. You have to understand that everything you say as a white person is filtered through privilege. And I'm not going to get into a discussion of white privilege because that that would be a full fucking episode. But it's, it's,

it's a pain and, and, and everything that we don't have, we've never experienced. And that's not to say that your life hasn't been hard. That's not to say you haven't experienced pain, but it's a much different systemic oppression that has happened to people who are not white.

I mean, this is, I think this is a good point to transition. So again, we, we are not scholars, we are not scientists, we are not experts. However, I grabbed a bunch of books that came recommended to me for this very subject. If you want to, and I highly recommend that you do, if you want to strengthen your position as an ally, to read up and educate yourself and not rely on people of color or the people

of color in your life to educate you. It is not their burden to bear. It is yours. It is your responsibility. So I have a list of books that I have been recommended that deal specifically with this kind of stuff, that help people understand race and help understand the dynamic of race and the oppression and all that kind of stuff that help people understand race and help understand people, the dynamic of race and the oppression and all that kind of stuff. So the books

I was told were Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? and Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum. Another book is When They Call You a Terrorist, a Black Lives Matter Memoir by Patrice Khan Koulours and Asha Bendel.

So you want to talk about Rice by Ijeomo Olo, An Eloquent Rage, A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittany Cooper. Another really good book that I've had recommended is White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo. Apparently it's very good. And then that brings us to what you can do to help.

And there is a number of things. There are right now you can, you can go to black lives matters. Card. So it's C A R R D. Dot CEO. So black lives matters. Dot card.

C A R R D. Dot CEO. And that has a list of ways you can donate, uh, resources available to you. Um, resources for if you're going to be protesting, uh, ways to stay safe, ways to protect yourself, ways to protect others. Um, it's a whole sort of like one stop for resources on ways to help and ways to get involved. Um, and that is an excellent resource for a starting point. Also, if you have the money, being able to donate to, and I know it's a tough ask with everything that's happening on top of the pandemic, but if you do have something to spare, consider donating

to a bail fund. This will help protesters who have been arrested get out. And this isn't a way to get criminals out on the street. This is specifically for peaceful protesters who have been arrested, uh, get out. And this isn't, you know, a way to get criminals out on the street. This is specifically for peaceful protesters who have been arrested by cops and are being held on charges, usually bogus, um, and ways to get them freed without them having to pay out of pocket for it. So if you want to look out and see where the closest bail fund for you is, or an appropriate bail fund for you is it's a bail funds.github.io. That's bail funds.github.io. So the quote I read was actually by Raina Sultan, who was a journalist for Vice and Bitch Media and a bunch of stuff. I've shared her post,

if you want to read the full thing, on our Twitter, and I'll probably reshare it again as we get closer to this episode being put out. There is also a YouTube video right now in which you can watch, and it's being monetized. So turn off your ad blockers. We'll post a link on that on our Facebook

because I don't think reading out a YouTube URL is helpful on a podcast, but we will post a link in the episode and then also all over our social media. All right. Well, I guess to everybody out there, I hope you're doing well. I hope you're safe.

I hope you're making it through. And hopefully this will lead to progress and change and, and, you know, the betterment of everybody and everything. I, you know, hopefully, um, please don't hesitate to reach out. We will retweet things. We will post them on our Instagram. We will put them on our Facebook. Anything that we can do to amplify the message, we will do and we will happily do. Like Nell said, I really hope everyone is being safe. As much as important as it is to get out on the street, if you think it's going to lead to something bad happening to you,

please make that call because we would rather you be here tomorrow. But anyway, we love you guys. And, uh, we really hope everyone's doing okay. Yes. Please stay safe. Um, thank you for listening. We will see you soon, hopefully. Um, and, uh, and we do love you. you