F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Blue Balls Are a Liberal Hoax

Episode Date: December 22, 2025

Studies have been done by all the top science research places: blue balls are an entirely made up thing.  Don't try to argue with us, argue with SCIENCE.  Topics include team building in the worst way possible, deck the halls with balls of blue, breast reduction woes.

I put my trust in you and then I trust in love. Hello friends. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. And we're your fuck buddies? We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situation. simply put we find questions either online we're kind of like the santa of the podcasting world where we'll gather raw materials known as questions and we fashion them in our workshop in the north pole into answers and advice and then we drop down your chimney with a big sack i was gonna say our sacks are so heavy bulging sacks um and then we deliver this advice to your ears but not just once a year like that fucking scrub we do it every week we do it every week and let me tell you i'm incredibly ill right now. Dane's dying right now. His dying wish was to do one more episode for you guys.

Yeah. Also, John Cena's going to come say hi to me because he, that's what he does. Those are my two wishes to do one final episode and just to chill with John Cena for a little bit. My Christmas gift to you is, yeah. You won't have to do any clips for this episode because you will not be able to find a video of me not

blowing my nose or coughing. So there's no way. That just means you're going to have to go back to previous episode. episodes and no reopen my gift to you just no no I don't do social media for a little bit yeah just for a week Christmas God yeah I wish I will say I've been slacking I'm by slacking I mean I haven't been posting on TikTok because we keep getting banned because they've just decided no no sex don't like us you can do worse things but no good sex and dating advice it's also funny you can twerk in a kiddie pool full of jello in a nothing yeah which is what we're gonna have to

start doing, by the way. That's my gift to you. Yeah. Yeah. This week we are going to talk about asked a girl out on teams, got left on scene, but now we keep making eye contact. What do I do? Is this blue-balling? A boyfriend doesn't want me to have a breast reduction. This is classified as a kink. Again, I'm not sure if I brought these questions. Before? Yeah. So I'd like to blame your sickness, but it is something you say every week. So yeah, it's usually I erase the questions now, but I don't know, man. They don't immediately. ring a bell. So yeah, we'll see. They're at the bottom of my list. So I assume they're the freshest. This is by Snack Overflow. Ask our line on teams. Got left unseen, but now we keep

making eye contact. What do I do? 27. Male. Six foot. Lean build. Average looking. She's 27. Female. Honestly, way out on my league looks wise. She's really beautiful. I first noticed her in the office cafeteria and it was an instant crush. I kept daydreaming about her and imagining her as my girlfriend. After hyping myself up for days, I gathered courage to finally send her message on our office's teams. Hi, X, I'm Y, working in Blank Team. I've seen you around the cafeteria and seemed like a friendly person. Would be okay if I ask you out on a coffee? That was it. Left on scene. No reply at all. She could have at least said no, laugh emoji. I accepted the yell and tried to move on. But fast forward two weeks and things changed a bit. She's looked at me multiple times in the

cafeteria. We've had solid eye contact. I think this might be the first time she's actually seen me properly in person. Now we've been having eye contact almost daily and I'm confused. I don't want to message her again on teams because that might come off as pushy. We even get me into trouble at work. So what do I do here? Do I just leave it and assume she's not interested? Or is the respectful low-key way to try again in person? I keep thinking you're saying teens.

Teens, yeah, you hired a bunch of teens, which is honestly the best way to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you misspeak when you said, can I ask you out on a coffee? Just on a coffee, huh? Yeah, just on the coffee. Honestly, the entire message is slightly just wrong. And I'm like, did the chat GPT do this for you? And it just doesn't understand.

Yeah. I mean, look, I don't think that this is the problem. I was just confused. I was just worried. But it's not the problem. Yeah, it's a problem. It's not a great anything. But, hey, would you like to go out in a date?

Yeah. You, I'm trying to organize my thoughts in like order of importance. Look, I don't think there's any harm in developing. a crush for a cutie that you work with. Yeah. That's, I think, pretty common. Hey, we've all done it. I imagine everyone has at some point in time had a crush on someone that they work with.

Even if you're not necessarily, like, romantically inclined, I've definitely had work crushes with people that I would ordinarily not find attractive. And I certainly wouldn't date. It's the trauma bonding, right? Because you're in the trenches together and you're like, yeah. You also get to see, like, an aspect of personality. and when you like sort of really deep dive on a personality, as we've talked about before, I think that like you, you end up getting more attractive if you're a cooler person.

So like, sure, yeah. There's definitely the people you brush the dust aside and you got your little like archaeology kit. And you're like, oh, a personality. And it's like, oh, it's shit. It's real bad. Like there are people where you excavate and it's just a big roiling void. It's just a tomb with mummy juice. It's just a shit.

A big, big old mummy poop. So that's fine. I'm not going to yuck anyone's yums for crushing on their co-work. Let's talk about that while we're talking about it. Totally fine. But you have to, if you decide to act on this, be intentional and understand that there are inherent risks with a workplace romance, right? There's the old don't ship where you eat, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

People say that for a reason. There are inherent risks. You need to be willing to deal with those if you choose to act. which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. You just need to be aware for your own safety and theirs. And I mean, safety sounds a little dramatic, but I mean, you know, your own peace of mind, job security, happiness, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So if you choose to do something with somebody you work with, that is totally fine once you have taken a minute to think about the consequences of your actions. Yeah, right. Like also some places have like rules about

dating within the company, but like whatever. I also think there's a necessary step to think about like your power dynamic as well. Are you in a position above this person? Do you hold authoritative power over this person? Because I think that's difficult because there's the sort of inherent threat of if you don't say yes, you will be punished. Is there an implied threat? Yeah, not to say that you would do it, but also not to say that you wouldn't. It's not uncommon that that's happened. I think, you know, probably every woman has been in this position where, a senior person has made a move and they've been uncomfortable or unsure of what to do based on sort of like fear of repercussions. Also unfortunately like women get the short end of the straw

with like like in workplaces and romantic things like a lot of women are treated poorly in the office when they enter into relationships whereas men tend to be treated better almost like women can be like not take it seriously in the workforce because oh you're just with that guy you know like It is shitty, but there is, you're sleeping your way to the top. Exactly. There's a societal risk for women that men don't have. So just consider those things, which it doesn't seem like you have because your approach half baked at best. Yeah, let's talk about approach.

It's one thing if you were a remote colleague that you saw this person on like teams during Zoom meetings or, you know, team meetings. And you guys were both muted and the only person talking was the, the boss. and you never really had a chance to like water cooler talk with this person. I would understand situations like that of being like, well, I know we're in the same city, but we really have no opportunity to sort of like meet, right? The only way to start a conversation with you is over teams. But even then, the only thing you'd have to base on is your heart, which I don't think is ever a good way to hit someone up.

No, which is why. Because, you know, they get that all the time. My next suggestion would be you need to foster a community. communication before you jump right to the date. Yes. Right? Like, you've never talked to this person. And unfortunately, in your scenario, again, what I was describing is a thing where like,

you never could have a conversation because of the nature of your work. You're remote, blah, blah, blah. You don't have that sort of like physical space to be like, hi, how are you? That is the only time where like shooting someone a team's message, I think is, is okay or makes sense to do. And even there, you shouldn't just lead with the date. 100% not. No.

You need to sort of like reach out and be like, you know, if you notice they laughed at a certain part where no one else laughed, but you thought was funny. You know what I mean? Like you have to find a way in. And I'm not going to go through the possible ways of doing that. But you do have this daily occurrence where you see this woman at the cafeteria where you could shoot your shot for realsies and go and strike up a conversation with them. Again, I'm not here to tell you how to have that conversation because I don't know. You are actually. That's your job.

Yeah, I know. But I'm not going to because I'm sick. Fine. Yeah. That's not the question right now. Yeah. And even then, again, I'm going to keep hammering this home. You shouldn't just walk up and be like, you look nice. You should go for a coffee. 100%. You should actually make a connection so that like... This is your chance to start the interaction. Because the best thing is, you don't need to have a cool opener. You don't need to have a chat up line.

You don't need to be witty and clever. You just need to be nice and normal. Yeah. Again, we've said it a thousand times. And this is something I believe. The best pickup line is hello. That's how you start a conversation with normal human beings, and that's how you talk to other human beings, which she is. She's not this, like, mythical, beautiful, fake girlfriend that you've made up in your mind. She is, you know, Claire from accounting, and she has her own life, possibly even a boyfriend, right? Like, you don't know her status. You don't know anything about her. You don't know what she likes, anything.

You don't know anything about it. Also, she doesn't know you. Also, she could suck. That's the thing. Like, you're just like, you're hot. And you message her the worst way. Like, messaging someone on teams is like trying to use LinkedIn as a dating. LinkedIn, yeah.

Because one, it is like logged and official company, you know, like you could get in trouble with HR. It's just there. It's not professional. People have access. IT see this. Like it's, it's just not the way to do it. It also puts her in a really weird position workwise and especially because you have

never talked to her. Now all she knows is this guy stares at me in the canteen and thinks I'm hot and like doesn't have the confidence to talk to me, doesn't have the social. wiles to come chat to me but does think this is appropriate like that sucks it's the workplace equivalent of like sending your friend to ask it with the hot girl you know being like having your friend go over like the cafeteria and be like hey um so my friend over there thinks you're cute and would want to know if you want to go have a coffee stand on a coffee yeah and that was kind of weird even when we were kids it's i never understood that and it pissed me off so

much even as a young man who I'll admit was kind of starved for for female attention for the for the feminine gaze to be upon me but like any time like a girl sent one of their friends over I'd be like no fuck off come talk to me yourself you weirdo uh and this was as a insecure teenager who desperately wanted to be noticed by women so see it's funny because it was like a thing in Ireland where like people would do this pretty regularly like we're like 13 and like I definitely had no qualms when someone came over. I was like, my friend like you, I'm like, hell yeah, let's go. But I hated when someone was like, oh, you like her, I'll go talk to her for you.

And you're like, uh, and they go and you just have a conversation. And they like look over and you're just like, oh, yeah, you just what am I supposed to do? Yeah, because I'm not going to pretend I don't know what's going on. Like I could like lean all cool, you know, that would probably look fucking douchey. But I don't know if it was actually worse than me being like, oh, you know, weird. I once went over to like, we were at like a summer camp. thing when I think it was like 13 or 14 uh oh it was 13 and uh all during this week like one of my friends was like oh you like this girl I'll talk to her for you and like it was great

because every day we went to this water park and I would go and like make out with all these girls in the fucking like uh like the gender neutral like changing rooms like you just go and like slip into a thing like lock the door and get up to shit uh but it would have been a few days I was having the best week of my life as a 13 year old and he was like hey man like I've been doing this for you all week like you guys to go talk to someone from me and I was like yeah yeah and there was this super hot girl so I went over to talk to her and she was like I don't like a friend though I like you and I was like this wasn't on the rule books and I was like let's go and we ran off and then he was really angry

the sort of like reverse happened to me where uh she came over was like my friend fucking hates you yeah no uh where I think we were it was during a band trip and we were at like another school we were just kind of like chilling in their cafeteria uh and then one of the other, like, girls from another school's band was there. And we, they performed before us. So I had seen her sort of, like, in the crossover. And she was just real cute. And I was like, look, well, I'm never going to see this girl again because I have no

idea what school she goes to. It was kind of like a, like a multi-school. Yeah, multi-city. So, like, for all I know, she was like, you know, a couple cities over. So it wasn't even like a different school in the city. What's that thing in Glee where they're always like, Regals? You got to get ready.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was something like that. It's fucking regionals, bro. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I did play alto sax for one year in high school band, and I sucked shit. I was so bad. I'd ever practiced.

My saxophone was broken and they wouldn't fix it regardless. That doesn't seem like you suck if your tax is broken, unless you broke it by sucking so hard, literally and or figuratively. That's a very real possibility. So, Dane, the thing is, Dane sucked, and there's a lot of, like, a lot of different meanings, like an onion to this, where, like, like, you're meant to blow and he did suck, which in turn made him suck. Yeah. So anyway, I was walking over to this, this girl that I had a, you know, I thought she was cute.

And I was like, I'm going to shoot my shot because like, we're literally just a bunch of unattended children. The best kind of random school. Like, if we go sneak off and make out in the library and we get in trouble, it's not our school. We don't get a fuck, right? So as I'm walking over, uh, her back is to me and her friend is facing me. and the friend just looked so excited that I guess she thought I was like looking at her

and I like panicked and I was just like hi so I ended up having this talk with this like friend that I had no interest in and I was just real bummed out and I never like I just felt so bad I felt like I couldn't like then pivot you know what I mean like I was like this it would be so douchey and such a dick move and so rude to do so I was just like I guess we'll just hang out she ended up being very cool we exchanged MSNs and like we chatted for ages, like pretty much all through high school, like we stayed in contact. So, you know, bonus, I got a friend. Not a loss. It was definitely one of those things where I was just like, I fucked up and I can't walk this back. Yeah. All right. Back to the question. Teams was a bad call.

You never talked to her. You just shot out this random message that was like, you're hot and I'd creep on you. Like, why would you think this would work? That's my question. Like, you're also like, I'm this hype, but I'm kind of average looking, okay. So she has nothing to base you on, apart from the fact that you don't have social wiles, you don't really message people appropriately and you're weird at work and you're creeping on her. So it's like maybe if you were the hottest man alive, she'd be like, I'll put up with it because,

you know, he's hot for ostee or something. But like, you're just a guy and you sent a creepy weird message, a creepy weird way. But it's like even if you were the hottest guy, she could be married. She could have a boyfriend.

For sure. Yeah. Or a partner, right? Like she could be unavailable for dating. Or have self-respect and still be like, I don't care how hot you are. This is a weird.

fucking message. But that's what I'm saying is like the only way this works is if you're the hottest man imaginable and she's willing to overlook the mistakes that you've made. Or she has zero self-respect or really wants to get fired. I don't know. Either way. Bad call. What you're doing? You should have talked to her and at the very least, because the funny thing is, I bet you messer on teams because you have absolutely no other way of contacting her because you have so little knowledge and or connection to her. And that should be a thing that makes you think, hmm, I need to do more work here rather than yolo and if if the alternative is like I could find our on Instagram but it would be weird to just message you out of the blue on Instagram then it's

also weird to message you out of the blue on teams or any other like means of if it's weird to message someone on one platform for a specific purpose then it's weird to do it on any platform yeah and like work is such an easy place to have a very soft breaking the ice chat you just go over and be like hey you're whatever right yeah yeah I saw you on whatever call. You're part of accounting. Like, how is the end of year, like rush going? Boom.

Or like, oh, you're in backgrounds. Like, I know you guys are in crunch right now. Like, how's this project? Or like, oh, like, anything. You're in the same boat. You know stuff about each other's departments. And if you don't, you can ask. Like, it's so fucking easy.

Anyway, I think teams, no, don't do it. Yeah. Even just, like, again, hey, how was your day going? If you're in line, you know what I mean? Like, if you're in line together, just strike up a conversation. And I think you can pretty quickly gauge whether someone is interested or not. In those scenarios, it's like if someone is like vibing with you, they'll stay in chat. But if they're just like, I ain't got to go, then like, you know, who knows?

I don't know. It's you need to increase your social skills if you want to do this. And now, sorry, continue, because there's a very important part of the question we haven't gotten to yet. I'm just saying it's not to use like your social skills cannot begin. an end at the messaging software that your company uses to perform its business. If that is the only way that you have contact to someone, then that means that you are not on the level to ask them out on a date. Yes. Unless, again, unless you have rapport with this person and you've been messaging and it's flirty and there's banter. But again, as I said, like, this is business

software. It's probably not getting too hot and heavy if they can be monitored, right? And they are monitored. That's the thing. Like, if pretty much everything you do at work is, but your fucking teams a hundred percent is so but if you're if you've got you know banter back and forth on your teams that should be the door to then approach in the real meat space and be like hey you know I thank you for making my day exciting blah blah blah blah do you want to grab a drink after work yeah there you go you done it or like because you don't have any foundation you're just trying to throw a fucking mansion onto a swamp and being like yeah why it's sink though yeah I just I want you to think because that's the thing people like this

They're not thinking, oh, I've done a strange thing. I've come with no context. I've come with no thought. Like, I just kind of yoloed and like, I know nothing about her. She knows nothing about me. Why didn't it work? And it's like, you know why it didn't work if you thought about it for one second. But now on to the staring part.

We keep making eye contact. She keeps looking at me. Is she like maybe? Or is she like, who sent me this message? Is it this guy who's still staring at me? Like, I'm worried. Maybe I got to make him back off by looking them dead in the eye. She could message you if she wanted to.

It's also like going back to the high school, you know, sending your friend over to, to say that, like, now that this information is in the zeit guys, now that you're aware of this information, like, yeah, you're going to look over at that person every now and then, right? Like, especially if they're staring at you. Yeah. Like, you're, you're going to like, oh, clock on and be like, oh, there's that guy. Okay. And he's staring at me. And now I know where not to sit in the cafeteria. Yeah.

And then it's like, if you are staring at it, if you're still looking at her, like, she might look at you. you again to be like oh he's still staring oh right like there is a level of self preservation that needs to take place uh and i imagine it's it's doubly so for women and especially in the workplace right like where there's i mean like if someone's staring at me i'm going to keep clocking them right like for sure i'm going to keep checking oh oh shit and then i wait they're still doing it and then like what's going on here not uh oh yeah i fucking love the team's message and like i'm not going to fucking reply but i'm going to stare at you in the fucking cafeteria like really but that's how you think this went down yeah i don't think there's a way

to do this normally because you didn't leave the door open you slammed the door and there was a note saying you hot let's go on a coffee there's no pretext now like there's no other way for you to chat to her because she knows you just want to bone she knows you just want to take her out and she knows that you again are bad at social stuff and don't care about her other than as i guess the sex object because you never talked to her, you never made an attempt to connect in person or via teams. You just went, you're hot coffee. Yeah, you're, you've shot your shot. You did it.

You did a bad job. But now the shot has been shot it. It is up. It is gone. And unfortunately, you missed. And she knows that you're interested. And if she wants to act on it, she will. And that's the sort of peace of mind you have to move forward with and be like, there's two lessons here.

Lesson number one, this ain't it. This ain't the way to do it. No. And lesson two, you shot your shot and now you need to move on. Those are the two things you need to take away with. And hopefully you can marry the two concepts and learn something so that you don't do it again. And so that the next time you think there's a cutie at work, you'll go and try to treat her like a human being and get to know her and introduce yourself and build a foundation of a relationship and then make your move and then shoot your shot. And hopefully she'll reciprocate.

But if she doesn't, then you. you go back to lesson number two, which is you shot your shot, you move on. Yeah. And the thing is, at least in that case, they'll be able to respond in a nice normal manner because they'll have a rapport with you and they'll be like, oh, sorry, I'm not interested versus hi, stranger via teams. I don't really want to get a HR violation. So this is awkward for me. Also, I think your job right now, your new job, you've been promoted to don't make things weird for this girl. So that includes staring at her in the cafeteria and anytime you interact. So next time you interact, you're going to be chill and you're not going to talk about this. You're just going to be

normal and like maybe, I don't even want to say this because I think you'll take it the wrong way. Maybe if you do interact in a non weird way, it could lead to her being like, hey, you did message me before and you could like have a chat about it. But I think right now, you just got to be normal. Stop staring at her. And if you chat, it has to be a normal workplace chat that's natural and not you being like, you never message me. I love you. That's your new job, being chill to this woman. And your second job is learning to not do this again. Correct. This is from Link Searle. Is this considered blue balling? 21 year old female never had sex or dated anyone, but a lot of guys approach me IRL or asked to hang out go on dates. I never tell them my lack of experience just because

I find it mildly embarrassing and I don't want to take advantage of it because the guys I've told found it more tempting. Still, just trying to explore what I like without going all the way. So on rare occasions, I'll give in and hang out with a guy. Like, making out, groping and shirts off is probably the most I'd do, especially with someone I've just met. I didn't realize that blue balling was an actual thing until my friends brought it up. So I don't know if this would piss some dudes off.

This is a weird question. I don't think you should really care about what pisses dudes off because a lot of things will or won't depending on the person. What? Look, I've done it. What I think is important is to set clear expectations. And also maybe to figure out your views on sex because like I don't like the verbiage of like sometimes like give in that's like

too and also like we're finding embarrassing yeah like you need to take a breath realize that like not having had sex before is fine it doesn't really matter uh anybody who's going to try to take advantage of that it also doesn't matter because it's still you're still the part of this equation so if they starts to get weird about it that's good because now you know fuck that guy and by that I mean do not fuck that guy like anyone who's like well now it's more tempting like okay bye like if you're going to be fucking weird about the fact that i'm a virgin not going to see you but if you don't want to talk about that you're a virgin that's fine i guess i do think you should probably tell someone before you sleep with them but if you don't want to

sleep with someone but you do want to do other stuff just tell them that and be clear be like oh hey yeah i want to hang out but like i'm just a heads up i don't want to have sex and if they're like yeah i mean that's fine and if they're like yes then that's cool but you could also make someone come with your hand or your mouth or various other ways So it's like you don't have to blue ball someone if you don't want to. If you're doing stuff, I don't see the problem in jacking someone. Like, what's, that's a different thing to sex. So do you just have aversion to even doing that?

But also, like, if you just want to make out, you're not obligated just because you've made a guy, like aroused a man that you have to finish him to completion. No, for sure. And I know that's what I'm saying. Set expect to, yeah, thank you, Dane. Don't put fucking words in my mouth. But that's the thing. Like, you can do whatever the fuck you want. If you want to just make out, that's great.

But like, you just need to be firm with boundaries for yourself. So, like, if people start to get pushy or weird, don't like, just be clear for your safety and for their understanding. If anybody gets weird, leave. Yeah. I mean, like, I don't even know. I understand the idea of setting boundaries. But, like, this might just be from my personal experience of, like, when women are, like, when I'm on a date and I would invite a woman back to my place and they would be like, well, I'm not going to have sex with you. It's like, well, that's cool.

like I'm that's fine I'm still going to invite you back to my place uh because the alternative would be like ew gross don't come back to my place then but it's like that's a whether you want to have sex or not like you could because the flip side is I want to have sex with you and then the idea is oh I can't I've said that I want to so now I can't rescind that which you can't right so I feel like what I would like to push here is not necessarily to her but to people in the situation at the same time of being like when someone decides to hang out with you there's nothing guaranteed so whether the person wants to have sex with you whether they don't want to have sex with you consent can be rescinded at any point in time and people can choose what

they want to do at any point in time on both sides of the fence right like the dude the the lady whoever is is involved in the the tango here so it's weird to me as you said like it's weird that you're like, oh, I've never dated anyone and I've never had sex, but I am approached all the time, or frequently, but I don't want to tell anyone because I'm embarrassed to do it, but I'm also down to, like, fool around and figure out what I'm into. Like, I don't know where your stance is when it comes to having sex. Like, I don't think they know. Why are you not dating people? Why are you not having sex? And I'm not saying that as accusatory. I'm not saying, why aren't you doing it, you should be doing it.

I'm saying, what are the reasons that you have to not date? Is it just because you haven't found the right person? Because that's fine. Is it a fear thing? Is it a religious thing? Is it a societal thing? Is it a repression thing? Like, it could be a lot of things.

Maybe you just don't want to. That's fine. But like, obviously you want to do something. So that's the thing. Like, I have so many thoughts because a lot of it isn't clear, right? It's like I do think setting up boundaries, even though yes, it is true. Like if I say, yeah, let's go back to mine. There is no inherent agreement to doing anything.

You could go back and do nothing. However, I do think there's, like, that societal, like, implication. Like, I think people still will think that. So it's better to front load expectations in my mind. Like, if you're like, hey, let's get in my bed and watch a thing, you saying, yes, doesn't agree you to any sexual act. However, there's kind of almost like the implication that you're in bed. So I think it's, I'm not excusing people for thinking things like that.

And I'm just saying it's going to happen. and you getting out in front of it is safer. Like, it sucks. But I think there's just because something should be a certain way, it doesn't mean it is a certain way. And it's like the more you can do to make yourself safe and everyone around you happy, the better, right? So it's like if you don't want to have sex,

just let people know so they can make their own decisions. And then later on, if they try to plush a boundary and you're like, no, I actually already said this, hopefully you have like a better ground to stand on and it won't be as awkward as not having said that. And then in the moment, having to say it for the first time. But again, if you don't want to have sex, that's fine. Are you also putting a blanket ban on doing anything?

Like, do you not want to do hand stuff or mouth stuff or whatever? Are you letting people, you know, bring you to completion, but then you're not returning the favor. And if so, why? Because I could see that being frustrating because why. I think it's also like what, what are you saying and doing prior to these events as well? Are you talking a big game? Yes, because that's the thing.

I think a lot of people who I've met, who are virgins, they, who haven't told me have talked this big game and then when it gets down to it they're like oh by the way I'm a virgin I'm like so you've been lying which is such a weird move but I've seen it like misrepresenting what you're looking for as well right like if you're talking about having sex but you know that

you don't want to yeah then that's unfair right like that is I think that's as far as I would go as being like that's an unfair thing to do because if you're you know setting up all of these expectations with no intent to follow through. Again, I'm fine. If I hook up with someone or meet up with someone and we've been sexting

like crazy and we've said all kinds of filthy things to one another. And then when it comes down to it, they're like, actually, I'm not really feeling it tonight. That's fine. I don't care. But you're also a good person, right? And there's a lot of people out there who aren't good people and it's like whether or not they should be shitty about it, they still may be. And that's not a good position to put yourself in. Right. So it's like from a self-preservation angle, it's like if you are putting out, you know, if your mouth is writing checks, you don't want to cash, why would you be doing that? Because you're going to put yourself in a more unsafe situation. Correct. Not to say, if you say things, you need to follow through with them. I'm not at all

excusing people for, you know, assuming things. But at the same time, why would you put yourself in an unsafe situation? There's a level of responsibility that you have when you enter into any sort of like social contract of dating or or hanging out or whatever, right? Whereas like, even just if you and I were like, hey, let's go hang out and let's do a thing. Let's go axe throwing. It'll be lots of fun. I can't wait to do it. And then we get to ax throwing and be like, and then I'm like, this sucks. I don't want to do it or, you know, I'm just like, yeah, maybe we'll do something else. It's like, well, I got you excited for it. It kind of sucks that like I'm now, you know, I've spent all week being like, we're going to go axoring. And then I'm like, ha ha, no. Or like,

you know, you have a friend or a colleague at work who like does a bunch of drugs. And you're like, yeah, I love drugs. Like, fuck yeah. And then you end up at a party where everyone has drugs. And they're like, hey, here you go. And then you're like, oh, fuck. Like, it's just not good situation to be in because now, like, if they've procured you drugs or if they've done whatever and then like, I don't know, in that situation with the pressure, do you then cave and take them or do you make everything weird? And then the end of the minute, it's just like, why would you do that when you could just be like, yeah, I don't want to do these drugs. And then, yeah, you're fine. Like, there's, it's such a simple thing, but like, again, it can come off victim blamey, but I don't think there's

anything wrong with making sure you keep yourself safe as much as you can. So I'll just say, like, get your like point of view clear, why you're not having sex, what you do want to do, and why you want to do, allow yourself to change things in the moment if you want. I don't think you should randomly just have sex without being ready for it, without preparing for it. But like, I also don't think you should give a shit if someone's like, well, you're blue balls, me, it's like if you don't want to do

something, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it also doesn't tell like any of the dudes have complained about this. It seems like your friends are pressuring you, right? Like, it didn't say like the guys have been complaining. It was like, oh, I didn't even think about it to my friends mentioned it. And I was like, well, your friends might be stupid.

You know what I mean? Like, friends might be idiots. If you've set expectations and you guys are making out or hanging out and they're super horny and they get blue balls, fuck them. Like, it doesn't matter. That's like, sucks to be you, but we've set expectations. You enter into this willingly. You're horny. I get it. But, you know, that's not my responsibility. And let's talk about blue balls as well.

Well, just very quickly. If you are doing things and you're like, you know, if you are taking clothes off and you are like half jacking someone off and then decide that you don't want to finish, I think that's kind of shit. Because like denied pleasure and like that is kind of again, you can rescind your consent at any point. But what I mean is like if that's your plan, if you're willingly going and like getting somebody. worked up with no intent to finish them off. That's kind of a kink of yours that someone's now entered into non-consensually. I think that's weird, like pleasure denial without consent. And I don't mean just denial by not doing it, but I mean like participating to a point and then just giving up on purpose. Also, if you find it becoming a thing where like I've hooked up with people where they're all hot and heavy and then for whatever reason there's a

block and they say, whoa, we got to, we got to hit the brakes. We've got to stop. We're going to stop. We can stop. And it's like, okay, great. That's fine. Okay. But then like two seconds later, it's like hot and heavy again. It like the, the whiplash of it of just being like, well, now, I don't know what's happening right now. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you because you've, you've asked multiple times to stop, but you keep initiating. So I'm assuming that's the green light, but we just keep hitting that red light again. So, right, like if you find yourself getting into situations where you need to pull the rip cord over and over again, that might be an indication that you're not ready to do this.

Yeah. And I also need to communicate really clearly in those situations so that your partner has any idea what's going on because they're going to feel worried, upset, scared, not hot. So if you find that's happening to you over and over and over again, then I think you need to, again, I appreciate your desire to explore your sexuality and explore what you want, your wants and your needs and your desires, but not at the expense of like someone else's piece of mind and not at the expense of someone else's safety. as well because like there is there there is a fear for for dudes to like be cautious when someone says no but then attempts to reinitiate like I never want to be on the wrong

side of that and I will be overly cautious in to ensure that I'm not for your safety and for my own safety because I don't want you if you're caught up in something something emotional something mental something you know that's that's making you want to pull the rip cord I don't want you to think that there's any sort of coercion while you're there, right? I don't want you to think that you have to do this. Exactly. Just because we started. So I would rather, you never, you never have, like, again, we'll, we'll sing this every episode. You never have to finish something if you started. You never have to do something because of an implication, like because they bought you dinner or because you went home with them or because it's been X amount of dates or because they have blue balls or

anything. You never, ever have to do that. Just know that. So if you're finding this to be a occurring thing where you're getting to a certain point and you're like, ooh, I got a, I'm getting the hebie jibis. I got to, I got to bounce. I got to pull the rip cord. I got to, I got to stop. Then maybe work on that first and stop going out with people and getting to this point and then freaking out because it's, it's going to end badly for you. It's eventually, right? Like, eventually this is, this is not going to break the way that you want. I hope that doesn't happen, but the likelihood of you repeatedly doing this over and over again, especially if you're doing it with different guys every time, you're eventually going to get a volatile reaction. And that's not

great. And I'm worried for your safety. I also think that if that's happening over and over again, that there is a issue that needs to be resolved with therapy, probably. Therapy, right? Like, if you are driven to taking this course of action that you know is going to result in a panic or a bad response or a, I need to go, I need to stop, then there's a, there's a pathway that is not connecting somewhere and you need to work with a mental health professional to either bridge that gap or find a workaround or something. Yeah. So I think just like, you know, don't keep doing the same thing. Like doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result isn't going to work, especially if it ends you up somewhere harmful, but understand that you can

withdraw consent at any time and you've never accidentally consented to something. But importantly, I think you need to get a handle on what you're looking for out of these dalliances, what you're okay with and to communicate your boundaries clearly. And I think once you do that, you'll be good. Do want to talk just briefly about blue balls. These are adult men. We hope. Yeah. We have a bigger problem if they're not. If after you've left, they remain worked up. They can masturbate. Yeah. And they probably will. And they probably will. And that's fine. You should never be concerned that an adult man can't take care of himself sexually. And if he can't, that's his fucking problem. right like you shouldn't have to go through with something that you don't want to go through

out of the fear of i think there's like a mythicality attributed to blue balls as if it's some sort of like debilitating you know medical condition that leaves us on the floor writhing in pain it's like it's a slight discomfort and honestly it's like that it sucks but not even in the like oh that sucked just like i'm not sucked it's nothing it's a blip it's it's a get the fuck over it And again, if he jerks off when you leave, he's fine. Like, yes, this isn't something that he's going to be like, you know, sweating, waking up and cold sweats being like, I got the blue balls. He had to take eight weeks off work when you left.

I just want you to know that. Yeah, he used all of his sick days recovering from the blue balls that you gave him. Like any dude. And he's in the state. So the amount of time he took off work meant he lost, he lost his medical insurance, which means they couldn't even operate on his blue balls. Another purple. now that's it's kind of like a karate color scale yeah once it gets to black you're you're in bad news

but you can take anyone in the fight yeah you can't beat anyone's ass yeah uh i hit you real quick with this one okay this is my glitch pop loop boyfriend 31 doesn't want me female 24 to have a breast reduction for context i'm having a breast reduction next week a reduction i've wanted for years way before i met them another huge context behind this is we're not close to marriage nor having kids. We've been together for a year and a half, almost two years. We've talked about, obviously, you want the relationship to head in that direction, but nothing is for sure until you get to know each other well enough. Also, huge factor. I'm only 24. So I'm not really in the mindset yet to get married and have kids. It's a quick aside to just say, I love this energy,

like a rational person. I think he is for sure more passionate about the idea than I am. I found out because, oh, I found out I had P-Cost when I was 20. I was told I could struggle with infertility, and that dimmed my light. Over time, I feel like I've steered more away from really wanting it because I don't want to feel hurt if I can't. Like if it happens, it happens mindset. I don't think he understands that. Some men will, but he will never fully know what it feels like to be in my shoes and be told you could be infertile and struggle with Peacos.

Last night, we were directed the conversation to surgery. I was telling him I was going to be hard, sorry, I was telling him it was hard to lean on him for support surgery because I know he didn't fully agree with it. He thinks it's going to affect my hormones and discontrol me. He only thinks I'm doing it because I don't want looks and want my clothes to fit nice, which yes, is true, but I hurt when I have plenty of time. told him it's because of back pain and insecurity, and again, he doesn't get it. His biggest factor as to why he didn't agree to be doing it is because I could lose the ability to breastfeed

and he would want me to if we had kids together. And I was like, I really don't care if I could or not. Personally, I think it's my body, my happiness. And once I get there one day, if I do and choose not to breastfeed, I personally think it's the mom's choice. She's the one having the baby latch on and dealing with it all. Why does one man have to step in and tell you what to do, husband or not? I feel like the man won't feel anything. Why should he tell someone what to do? That's just my opinion and how I see it. Since I said, I don't give you. I don't a fuck if I can or not. He sees it as a fuck me, right? Like I see his opinion and perspective, but I don't think it's none of his business. But now I feel like the asshole because I want this

for me, but to me it seems like he's making about him. Am I tripping? Or is in a long-term relationship with someone else before him. I was just always wanting me to be happy and supported me, no judgment ever, especially if it was about my body. He wanted me to feel good and be happy, but now here I am not used to having someone up my ear making me feel this way, making me guilty for something I want to do for myself because he says I don't prioritize what he wants. I don't want him the day of the surgery or in any of the recovery process, and he's hurt. I don't want his help or his money because he offered to give me money, but I said no. I said, you can't try to tell me you don't want to do something, judge me for it, and say you support it when you still hold your irrelevant breastfeeding comments on the all-time high.

Because he still doesn't understand why I want this for me, and that doesn't feel like support after you discourage me. You tell me you don't think I should do it because you're afraid I can't breastfeed. Am I the asshole for going through my surgery even though he didn't want me to do it due to breastfeeding risk? I'm not going to speak on the medical side of things. I don't know if a breast reduction can fuck with your ability to breastfeed. I don't know. So I'm not going to talk about it. What I will talk about is a pretty basic, your body, your choice, a pretty basic.

I've had two friends that I know of who've had breast reductions. And it was the best thing that they have done. The level of like pain that breast reductions usually are the result of is insane. I went to high school with a woman who had very large breasts, and she was uncomfortable, even at her age, like, you know, when we were like 16, 17, 17, she was in pain. And she wasn't able to get a breast reduction until she was, like, in her mid-20s. And the, like, I, you know, when I caught up with her one day, she was like, it is night and day. She was like, I didn't realize that, like, you could live with pain free.

Yeah, this, this little pain. And the same thing with my other friend who got one done, where she was like, you know, taking painkillers on a regimen just to deal with the back pain and the lower back pain that result of it. So to think that there is a dude out there who is saying, don't do this for you, you're being selfish, and I don't think you're prioritizing what I want is a crazy thing. And I want to hit this man as hard as I can in the back with a ski so that he knows what. what back pain feels like, right? And be like, hey, imagine that all the time. You dumb bitch. Yeah, I've had a terrible back this year and it just sucks shit because everything

you do it requires your back. You know, if you have a fucking broken leg and you lie down, at least the weights off the leg, now your back is still part of lying down. It's part of getting up. It's part of moving. It's part of fucking everything. And also, like, no, this guy sucks shit. It's like, he doesn't want you to get a thing that's going to be really good for

you because maybe one day in the future you may have kids with him and you may not be able to breastfeed it's a lot of fucking maze especially i'm looking at his chances right now and i'm hoping they are real low of having a kid with you because maybe get a boyfriend reduction as well because this man sucks i think this is also like it's pretty shitty like i don't know if she's told him about her infatility it seems like she did but maybe like she said like oh he doesn't like understand or get that and i'm like is it because he sucks, which is very possible based on this conversation, or have you not told him? Because, like, if you've told him, if you've had this conversation with him being like, hey, I have this thing, it's a risk to my ability to conceive children, you know, that's something that we need to think of.

And he's still being like, don't get this thing that's going to make a huge difference in your life because of, like, you were talking about the maybes. But like, now you're adding on the possibility that you may not be able to have children. at all. So he's saying, hey, let's take sliver after sliver after sliver of possibility and weigh those above your comfort, your happiness, your, you know, your self-esteem. It seems like you talk about insecurities about it. So he's putting all of these things having a child and potentially breastfeeding. That's the concern. As if there isn't a fucking ability to feed and nourish your child without breastfeed. That's the thing. You could just do that. A lot of people can't breastfeed for various reasons. So there are paths forward regardless, even if all these many maybes come to

pass. So you're fine. You know what? Isn't a maybe? You're in security, your pain and your desire, you know, which is good. I'm glad that you're still going through with it. But you're not an asshole. And in fact, I would heavily reconsider a future with someone who can't understand things from my perspective and is so heavily basing shit on him and a very distant, very possible, like very not possible possibility. Especially like, look, the breast reduction thing is, I'm glad you're getting that pain result. But raising a child is a, you know, a lifelong endeavor that is sleepless nights, you know, not eating well, not being able to exercise as much as you'd like to. Right. Like there's, there's a long list of things that are going to have an impact on your health and raising a child

is going to be one of them. Having a child is going to be one. Guess who's having that kid? He's not carrying that around for nine fucking months, you are. You're the one who has to, you know, have the child. You're the one who has to carry the child. So there's a lot of physical demands being made of you once more. So if this guy can't fucking wrap his head around the fact that you need a breast reduction to relieve pain to make your life not fucking suck, I don't have a whole lot of confidence that he's going to be able to wrap his brain around the amount of work and pain and struggle that you're going to have to go through as not only just like the the person who gives birth to the child

but my guess is going to be the primary caregiver to this child as well because this dude seems like he sucks shit well that's the thing do you want to be in charge of another life and do this incredibly hard thing with a shitty teammate like with a guy who constantly says

you're not thinking about my you're not prioritizing my needs you're putting your pain and suffering over my desire for you to breastfeed yeah right like Yeah. Everything this man has said he wants comes at your expense.

And even the good things, right? Like even him being like, I want to have a kid and I would like him to breastfeed. That's you. You're having the kid. You're breastfeeding. This dude ain't doing shit. And he's trying to tell you what to do. Fuck this guy.

I'm done with this man. Yeah. I say dump him. Get rid of him. Get rid of your boobs. And then live a beautiful back pain free boyfriend pain free existence and find someone worth a damn. It's also crazy and hurt.

like it sucks to be like it's new to me because I used to have good relationship like that hey think about that think about that if that's your stance with your current partner is being like this is a new experience because the last partner I had care and supported me then I think like that's all if that ever crossed my mind in a relationship I wouldn't leave immediately yeah yeah that's crazy that's a crazy thing you got to go you know you stay with someone this This guy fucking knock the sick out of me. That's good. I'm glad the rage made you feel better.

Yeah, you've perked up. This man's stupidity and jazz. The two things that can cure me of a rage and cold. It's true. You got one quick one or are we just done? No, we done. We done. This man took all of my energy.

All right, guys, happy holidays. This is coming up towards the holiday season. We love you. If you want to get us a present, you know how to do it. It's go to Patreon. It's share us. It's tell a friend. It's give us a rating.

It's whatever way you can find to help boost the podcast because, you know, we out here. We out here in the podcasting trenches. All those things are great. But another thing that would be really great is if you have a friend who's being kind of a dick to women and you say, hey, dude, stop that. Stop being a dick to women. Or if you have a friend who is mistreating her boyfriend and you know it and you're aware of it, say, hey, stop treating your boyfriend like that. Just start holding your friends accountable. start working towards a better world

because there's a lot of shit we can't change there's a lot of bad things out there that are beyond our reach but we can have conversations with our friends and try to make them better people and I think that is that is all we can add to this world at this point in time I think

and please do that and also share us and also join the Patreon thank you Josh Eagle and Harvesties for the song Paper Stars and I'm gonna write us into the sunset with some beautiful Christmas themed Bad sex writing. This is a new bestseller in romantic suspense.

He sees you when you're sleeping a dark and steamy holiday romance of obsession and secrets where it's a danger meets desire in the heart of New York City. Why choose between naughty or nice and a steamy, suspenseful Christmas-themed stalker romance that's perfect for dark romance readers seeking a spicy festive read. It's a night before Christmas, I'm alone in the house. Popular jewelry influencer Chloe Holman is stealing herself to spend a... another holiday on her own. Instead, she finds herself drawn to two different guys, a smoldering hot fan of her secret, seductive online persona, and a sexy fireman named Jack who looks out for her in

their NYC neighborhood. She has no idea. I know her better than she knows herself. Their deepest secrets, her darkest desires. She's careful, but I've been watching, never leaving footprints in the snow outside her home. Jack was the first responder to the accident that stole a beautiful young woman's family two Christmases ago. He's been quietly guarding her ever since. When Jack uncovers Chloe's secret account, his obsession only grows. Both he and Chloe are drawn to the darkness that mirrors their own. She's my Christmas wish come true, and I'm hers. She just doesn't know it yet. Will Chloe's Christmas be a tale of fiery passion, or a dangerous game with a man whose love knows no bounds? Troops, stalker romance, acquainted in real life, non-consensual

snow shoveling, Christmas romance, fire romance, Morley Grey MMC, he falls first. Forced Christmas joy, kink friendly, wearing of ugly Christmas sweaters. Back in the day when I had to shovel my, my driveway and my sidewalk, I would have loved for some consensual, non-consensual shuffling. Honestly, I have it. My neighbor, who's an old man, if I don't get out there first, he does my shit and it sucks because I feel so bad. And I'll try to do his shit then. So we're in this like silent kindness war. You need to tell him that he's kingshaming you or cucking you.

Maybe both. He's no cucking you for sure. Yeah, I got to sit in the chair and watch him plow my. Driveway. My name is Day Miller. And I'm Nal Spine. And we have been your fuck buddies. Happy holidays.

Santa? sounded like Dracula. Santa Dracula? Santa Dracula?