F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Bung Ho

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

I don't think we deserve a lot of credit for the stuff that we say on this show, however, the amount of butt puns accidentally stumble into this week is something we should celebrate. Topics include Spidey SEO, the two attempt rule, disrespectful slow fade, the blood vase, a suspicious medical note. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello friends, my name is Day Miller. And I'm Spider-Man, brand new day. And where you're fucking? No, you can't. What do you mean? We got to get the SEO, man. Oh, yeah, I guess. I don't know if SEO works for just audio.

It does. I'm just so scared of anything getting spoiled. I know. But by the time this comes out, you'll have seen it. So it'll just backfire on me catastrophically. Yeah. And I'm not Spain. And we're your fuck buddies.

We're a sextantening of his podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situation. trying them into sexy sticky situations. Why are they so sticky? Spider-Man's webs. Spider-Man's incredibly sticky webs. Did you know that Spider-Man's webs are like specifically crafted to like dissolve after a certain amount of time? And that's why New York City isn't covered in fucking spider webs.

Yeah. Yeah. Also when he just leaves someone and he's like, think about your crimes. They're not just stuck there forever. Now it does suck because he is also kind of well known for like hanging dudes up from Yeah, really high. Yeah. So it's like if the cops do take their time getting there.

And they're not known for being good at their jobs. Yeah. Granted, I do think, I think that the time is, is 12 hours. I think is how long the last. But so I'd imagine that if there were some, some goons hanging upside down from a lamppost for over 12 hours, then something else has gone terribly wrong in the city. That's fair. But like, let's be fair.

Things go wrong in that city all the time. So, yeah. Like, canonically, New York City is. almost constantly getting fucked. Maybe Jonah Jameson has the right idea. Like if, let's say there's an Avengers level threat, all the police are like,

oh shit, fucking Qatari or whatever, the aliens are called in the first Avengers. And then meanwhile, there's just a guy hanging from a lamp post who's like, they'll be here within 12. Oh, no.

Is that aliens? Oh, fuck. I'm going to fall 28 feet. Is that a dimensional portal? Yeah. They're not going to get here until after I've maybe broken some limbs, maybe just unalived.

Also for SEO, then. Thank you. It's good. That's some good stuff. This week, we're not just going to talk about Spider-Man. But we could. But we could. We're going to talk about, is rule of thumb you should ask a girl out at least twice?

I'm a bug-based vigilante with a secret romance with a cat-based burglar. What do I do? Give me the real one, you bastard. The slow fate is disrespectful. A boyfriend wants to do a blood pact instead of getting engaged. Hell yeah. A suspicious man. medical note. Okay. This by Timekeeper 877. Is the rule of thumb you should ask a girl out twice

still valid? Long story short. If I ask girl out and she reject me, I never ask again. Ditto if I ask and don't hear back. But if I end up interacted with these girls afterward, they usually get more and more keen. This has happened three times in the last six months. My understanding is the rule of thumb is you ask twice. And if nothing, it's game over. I just never do this. Maybe that's why they get more and more keen, though, TBF? Should I perhaps follow the old ask twice rule of thumb? Is TBF to be frank? To be fair? To be fair? Maybe? I don't know. Because to be fair is a pretty Irish thing, right? Yeah. So maybe it is to be frank. Well, they are saying keen, which is something that we don't say. Keen sounds, you know, over therey. What do you mean we, Dane? We, you know, the real people. Are you including me

in that? No. Oh, you're only half real. Damn. Okay. Well, that's been the podcast. I'm half a person. This is Dane Miller. Yeah. What do you mean? No. No, look, I like this new idea of the, this guy being like, I only ask once, as you should. Yeah, but I don't like the idea of him being like, I've been doing it wrong this whole time. Should I change to the real rule? This is, this is the problem with playing games with consent and playing games with your actual intentions, right? The idea, if, if you are a person who wants their consent respected, but then also want to see how bad they won't. it or wonder if they want to chase it or going to shit test people thinking that like,

oh, they're not interested if they only ask ones and give up, right? No, that's how consent works. Yeah. I ask you out. And then you say, no, I'm not interested. I say, okay, cool. And then we both go about our days, whether, you know, we still work together or whatever. I don't get weird about it.

And I don't ask you out again. That's not to say, again, we've talked about it before where it's like if six months down line, we got really close and we've spent a lot of time and we've built. poor and whatever. I may shoot my shot again, but it there needs to be, it's kind of like when you're, when you want to make a knowledge check in a, in a tabletop role playing game. I'm so glad you whipped out a really easily understandable analogy for the broader audience. I was worried you'd narrow cast. No. When you want to make a knowledge check in a tabletop role playing game, you get to make it once, right? And then you don't get to make it again until you've learned new information are leveled up.

And I feel like this applies to asking someone out. unless unless you've grown your experience with that person, you get one chance to ask them out. And if that doesn't work, then you have to wait until you foster a new connection or something with them to try again. And instead of that, also, this person has agency. So it's like, their balls in their court.

If they've turned you down and then they hang out with you for six months and they're like, oh, shit, I really like this guy. It's easier for them to be like, hey, you mentioned a while ago that you liked me, want to go on a date. I've changed my mind. And it's like that you could just let that happen as well because it's possible that what you think is them being really keen after a couple of months is them getting to know you or being like, oh, he asked me out. I said no, but he's still being cool. Great. Like this is nice. This is a good change. So for you then to whip it out and be like, hoho jokes, I've been biting my time, like some kind of Spider-Man villain hiding behind a skyscraper waiting for you to get tired fighting the Qatari that for the fuck they're called. Is it the Qatar? You know. I know what you're, I think they're the, no, what are they? I know it's spelled, but now I can't, now all he can think of is Qatari.

But I think it's, you're not, you're not too far off. I'm close, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. This is such a Spider-Man episode. I'm not, Fwip, Fwip. Thank you. Just balls in their court, man.

Like, if this person is any way cool and things have changed, they will make a move. And if they don't, do you want a date a coward? Yeah, like, it's. This is what pisses me off with like the both sides of the coin, right? Of people, A, not taking no for an answer, but then B, people wanting people to not take no for an answer. It's a dangerous double-edged sword where sure, I guess you're ensuring that they are actually really interested you and willing to like fight for you. But do you do you want a dude who won't take no for an answer? Like is that the culture you want to start your relationship on?

Because from here on out, you have set the precedent that when you say no, it means keep doing it. Yeah. Which is a terrible set. Any no to be disregarded, even if it's just your first one, right? Yeah. So have fucking courage, everybody. You know what I mean? The courage to be like, okay, I've been rejected.

That's fine. The courage to reject and mean it. And the courage to say what you want. Don't fucking play these fucking stupid games. But if you're a guy listening to this, fuck it. There is no rule. There is no us twice rule. There is no pursuer when she says no rule.

You just take what they say of face value. And if they meant something else, that's a damn problem. Yeah. I've been like, I'm really happy with where my algorithm is at lately. I've been getting sent a lot of, uh, it's still a lot of unhinged shit that I have you to thank for. Um, although one of our other friends has been on. monetarily lately as well.

But I've also been getting a lot of like men about our age. Men who are spiders. Yeah. Men about our age who are spiders fighting crime. No, I've been actively hitting like, don't show me this. Don't show me this. Don't show me this. No, it's like a lot of like dudes who are either our age or younger, like running seminars

for even younger boys. Like, you know, I would say somewhere in like the 10 to 16 range who are teaching. them consent, but not just consent, like nuance as well. So they, it's usually like a guy and then they have like a woman who is there with them either teaching them or whatever. Um, but they'll be like, they'll run through scenarios where it's like, you know, hey Laura, can I get a hug? And she's like, no. He's like, oh, come on. It's just a hug. And they kind of like do that. But then he's, and they'll like talk to the kids afterwards, be like, and she'll eventually be like, yeah, okay, I guess. And then like kind of give like a half like awkward hug. Yeah. And then like, they'll go

through and be like, did she say yes? And they were like, no, yes, yeah. And he's like, no, like, even though we coerced her into saying yes, like, look how she acted. Look at her body length. She didn't want to do this. So it's still a no. And I was like, I don't know. I don't think this is in school. Like, I don't think this is a curriculum thing. I think this is like an after school program or or some sort of community based program. But I was like, this is the shit we should be teaching. 100%. Although, let's be fair, it is insane that we have to teach this. But yeah, but like, yeah, yes. I mean, ideally, the society we live in would, this would be sort of like ingrained into it. But it's not.

And so, fuck it. I'm glad we're, we're teaching it. And honestly, a lot of, like, a lot of young men really do tend to find the worst role models, especially nowadays, right? So it's, it's always better than, like, because I remember the advice I got as a kid was always from, like, someone who was like maybe two or three years older than me or slightly older. And I listened to them because they were older than me. But I would, if someone was like 20, I would listen to them even more. And 20-year-olds are smarter than 20. So yeah.

We're the smartest. I don't know. It's, I just like the sheer amount of these like groups that seem to be self-organizing and trying to teach young boys the value of consent and the nuance of consent. Good. Well, hopefully people will fucking listen. And hopefully we'll see more of that and less of the fucking Andrew Tate bullshit. But if your guy, you're listening to this question, there is. no rule and if there is it's fucking stupid so you hear a no it's a no yep and you just accept it

you say okay and you be cool about it yeah that's it this you think what would spider man do although i think hmm i'm trying to i'm trying to i'm trying to think i bet if you go back his his relationship with mj is probably not the most i'm thinking tom haul and spider man you know yeah that's fair uh do do do do this is from friendship according the slow fade is disrespectful I went on seven dates with a guy and noticed he hasn't reached out in a week. I reached out, checked on him, and told him I wasn't sure how to read the silence. He reassured me that he's just super busy lately and apologized. The next few days, he's been pretty responsive and seems to be carrying the convo like normal.

Today, I don't hear from him. I gave him the opportunity to say that he was uninterested when I brought up the lack of communication. Why not just end things there instead of pretending like you're still interested? I just feel like it's easier to be honest and so everyone can move on. I'm sad and starting to realize dating may not be for me. That's a bold leap. But look, who fucking cares? I'm sorry.

I'm just going to come out and say it. Like, who gives a shit, right? If somebody is ghosting you or somebody is not interested in you, it's like much like question one, if somebody says they're busy, what's wrong with taking them a face value? I mean, like, okay, they're busy. And then they talk to you again and everything seems fine. And then you've one day where the responses aren't great. Like, it feels like a huge leap to be like, he's not into me.

He's slow fading me. This is all a big fucking scam. As opposed to just maybe, perhaps, Occam's Razor, he busy again. Yeah, right? Like, you brought up a thing of being like, hey, lack of communication is a bit wonky here. And then he was like, oh, hey, he gave you a reason. I don't know if it's just the vague, I'm busy. Because like, look, it's easy to take that as a blow off for sure.

But as now said, if you want to keep seeing this person and there's like no history of lying or manipulating, in their past with you, then be like, okay, because then it seems like he texted you normally for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And then another day where you don't hear from him for one day. Yeah. After seven dates. Like I know a lot of people think that like seven dates might sound like a lot, but it's not. No. It's it's seven days and maybe like, you know what I mean? Like maybe a total of like 20 something hours that you've spent with this person. But like that's nothing. If seven days is enough that you expect him to be like glued to your hip in terms of communication. Is seven days or dates not enough to trust him? That's that's kind of the disconnect here. It's like you expect this person to be

talking to you 24-7, but you don't trust them enough to believe them when they say something or are quiet for one day. That's kind of crazy to me. And on the flip side, do you think seven dates is enough that this guy now has like you jump the whole list of his priorities to the top of his list when he presumably kind of just met you. Like at most, if you went on a date every week, you know, he's known you for a little over what, a month? Yeah, almost two months. Yeah, almost two months. Like, you aren't that important in his life yet. And that's fine. That might be hard to hear, but it's actually really relieving, right? It's stress. You don't have this burden. So if this isn't working for you, you can cut and run. Yeah. It's been two fucking months.

Relax. And if it hasn't been to it. If it's been like eight months, and you've gone on seven dates, then maybe this man is too busy for you. And that's fine too, you know? Look, if you aren't okay with dating somebody who doesn't match like your communication thresholds or whatever, sure, but that's a different issue to he's slow fading me, right? And the thing is, if he was trying to like bail on you, why would he resume talking like normal? He's put in the work to start ignoring you. You reach out.

He could be like, oh, yes, I'm busy and continue to ignore you or give you like bare minimum or whatever or just say, yeah, I'm not into it. Why would he resume just to immediately ghost you one random day? Like, again, it would seem, Occam's Razor once more, then it would just be like, yeah, he's busy. Like, it just, why are you jumping to the worst conclusions here? Either it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Like, if I was dating someone and I got real busy, especially, like, you know,

there was a period of time where I was editing, you know, like 14 fucking episodes of podcasts a lot. And it was like, it was a lot. really didn't have much time to do much else outside of that. And it was hard to see people. It was hard. If I explained that to someone, I was like, hey, my life is a bit of a mess right now. I'm real busy. I will be able to you sort of sporadically when I have time. I will message you. I will whatever. But, you know, please know that I'm just really busy. I'm not ghosting you. If that person then was like, you could just tell me you're not interested. Yeah. I would be so turned off by that person.

A hundred percent. It would be so, I'd be like, I'm reaching out and communicating to you, the situation so that you don't feel this way. And instead of saying, hey, thanks for letting me know, or being like, well, I'm looking for something a little more concrete right now. So maybe I'm going to go elsewhere. That's also okay. I would have been okay with that answer. But to then accuse me of doing the exact opposite thing of what I'm doing is, is such a turnoff.

It makes you look so shitty. And like, you don't trust me or you don't care or it's all about you or you're just so damaged your previous relationship or insecure. it's just a whole bundle of negativity that I don't want to fucking deal with. My very first Tinder date I ever went on had a lot of fun. You know, we went out to a bar. We came back to mine. We fucked.

We hung out. Super fun girl. Super attractive. Great. She's like, hey, you want to do this again? I was like, yeah, let's definitely do this again. My sister is coming to visit. So for the next two weeks, I'm off the table.

But after that, let's go for it. And she was like, okay, great. Like two days later, she was like, hey, you want to hang out? And I was like, hey, so remember, told you about my sister. And she was like, oh, yeah, okay. And then like another week later, again, I said two weeks very specifically. She was like, oh, I got to take this thing. And there's like, again, I'm not bailing on my sister to go hang out with someone I hooked up with once.

I haven't seen her in two fucking years. She's over two weeks. It's like really pissing me off that she doesn't understand this. And then she was like, if you're not into it, just let me know. And I was like, well, now, yeah, honestly, you've gotten the situation that was fun. And you've thrown it off a building, Spider-Man style. But the cops are busy, so the web dissolved. And now that relationship has fallen 28 feet and is paralyzed for life.

Yeah. Instead of attaching a spider zip line that he does to everyone you throw off a building in the Spider-Man game, they get sucked to the wall so that you're not. Also, that's got to be hard to try to figure out where all those guys are. Yeah, I mean, I'm thinking about it now. It's like even just getting to, right? You need the fire department to get up there and get that boy off the wall. And also they're not putting out fires elsewhere.

The other thing is, is the Spider-Man's usually fighting very violent boys, right? So a firefighter has to cut this dude off. That guy's gonna, he's a criminal. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to jail for crimes. Yeah. But now, instead of fighting Spider-Man, I just got to fight this one overworked firefighter. Yeah, I'm just going to throw this firefighter off this ladder and steal his truck. Yeah.

Especially towards the end of the Spider-Man games, when they all have superpowers and like crazy tech weapons and shit. No, we got to get back in, Dane. We got to get back into the question. sorry, we're back. Yeah, don't fucking, if someone says that they're busy, trust them to be busy. And if you just never hear from them again, or they don't, you know, send you like texts or whatever in the frequency that you want, then assume that they are too busy to date you

the way you want to be dated. Yeah. Don't come at them with this energy because that's the fastest way to blow this up, right? Yeah. The fastest way to turn someone from being busy to uninterested is to accuse them of a bunch of random shit and it's like the fact that people don't know that but like she's gonna be like oh see he was slow fading me it's like no girl you blew it up and like the got weird right if he is or if he isn't like what's the harm in looking at it or believing him right once you're not putting your

entire life on hold sitting by the phone pining away not dating other people ruining your life waiting for this person like don't do that but if they're genuinely busy who fucking cares Given the time, and if it doesn't work out as well, it's like, if it doesn't work out because it's busy, or it doesn't work out because he's slow fading you, or it doesn't work out because you freaked out and tank the whole thing, what's the real difference between those three situations? Either way, it doesn't work out, but one of them is hyper negative and your fault. One of them is their fault, and one of them is understandable. And it's like, if it all works out the same way, but mentally you could slot yourself into one of those three positions, why not just pick the I believe him he's busy? Because it doesn't fucking change anything. You're not going to be like, I've solved your slow fading me puzzle. He's like, shit, now I got to date you. You wouldn't want that anyway. So it's like, believe them. And if you're not getting what you want to have the relationship,

it doesn't matter if he's busy or slow fading you because you're ending it. Yeah. And there's also like, I don't think there's any harm in being like, is this a regular situation, right? Like, are you always going to be this busy? Because if you are, then I don't think this is going to work out. But if this is just a like random, like you got, you know, four really great paying gigs all at once because when it rains,

it pours. and you can't turn down the money and it's just going to be like kind of a hell month or two as you finish these contracts or freelance gigs or whatever then like be excited for them be like hey cool let's go into like

casi mode and when you need a break I'll bring some food over we'll hang out we'll watch a movie we'll watch a TV show well fuck well whatever right like that would be a cool thing to do as opposed to you could be like hey I understand you're busy I still want to hang out so if there's like even something brief small

blah blah blah we could do like you could be a cool partner. You could be a cool person instead of freaking out, right? Yeah. If someone was like, hey, instead of, you know, like, if you have a chance or you need a break, let me know, I'm going, I'm going to take you up for ice cream. And we'll go, we'll get ice cream. We'll go for a little walk, get you some fresh air, and I'll give you a slap on the ass and send you back to work. Right? Like, that would be cool. I would be cool with that. If someone was just like, if you just need, like a 45 minute break from work or whatever, come and hang out. Like, it doesn't have to be, you know, you don't have to fucking like put an effort to like shave and blah blah blah blah like i don't need

you to like gussy up this isn't a date this is me helping you out through a tough time and if all previous seven dates were like we're getting ready we're going out to a restaurant we're going to a movie we're like you know they're like eight hour capital d dates maybe this is the time to transition into because maybe that's what they're thinking like oh i don't have time for that but maybe they do have time for a quick coffee halfway through the day or maybe they do have time to just come over watch a movie at home or get some takeout or something. Anyway, you jumping into fucking negativity mode isn't helpful for you or for them, right? Believe him. And if it still doesn't suit what you guys are, you know, what you are looking for from a relationship, then break up with him for that.

Because it's the same thing either way, but you're not self-sabotaging. And I will say, if you believe him, you're probably going to have far more like patience with what's happening than if you internally think that this is like a slow fade or like, you know what I mean? being slated. Yeah, like if someone's busy for a day, that's understandable. If someone's lying to you and stringing you along, that's upsetting. So it's like your one day freak out probably wouldn't happen if you actually thought he was busy. I just, and maybe this is just me and the way that I approach relationships and texts and stuff like that.

But like, I have enough going on in my life that if someone doesn't text me, it's almost better. Like, and not to be rude or mean or whatever, but like if I could go a day where, you, you know, you know, I'm not getting a thousand texts from people needing me to do things. That kind of kicks ass. It's just me. Sorry. But I mean, like, just in general, like, it's, I don't need that constant check-in. And I don't think anyone should, right?

Well, that's, I think you're making a very good point, which is that if one day of someone messaging you is spiraling you and ruining your life to this degree, you need a hobby or friends. There needs to be more in your life to take up the space of you waiting for. And even if it is just like like when I'm saying that like oh I have enough going on in my life It's like yeah I'm busy with with podcast stuff and whatever but like also now and I will spend four hours playing rivals Yeah right as I learn how to play Spider-Man oh back in kills people Yeah

I'm like if I'm what I said the word I didn't say on alive I didn't say on alive we've just the podcast gone no one can hear us now oh Elon Musk is going to shut us down. Or Zuckerberg, I don't know. Whoever, all of them, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I'm not saying that you've got to like fill your fucking, you're like, you need to be doing a thousand different things.

But it's like, there should be enough in your life that you're not sitting and staring at a phone and being like he's not texting me. I'm being slow faded. Like, yeah. That wouldn't cross my mind until like several days of unanswered messages. Yes. Right. Then I'm like, oh, I've been ghosted.

Okay. But like if someone just didn't text me for a day, especially someone that I'm like seven dates in, I don't care. Yeah. And like, have conversation. If he's like, yeah, I'm busy. What's going on? You know what I mean? Like Dan said earlier, is this regular?

Is it just like a week thing? Is it whatever? Like if you know every Thursday he has work, then a class, then a fitness thing, then a friend hangout, and then he doesn't mess you on a Thursday, guess what? That makes sense. Right? Like, if you know to expect quietness on the Thursday and like, it's just so easy to get to a point where you're not freaking out,

but you're choosing to freak out because I don't know, feels better, but it doesn't. When I was single in dating, like, I let people know that like the last week of every month,

it's a bit hectic because it was, you know, it's, we do an extra Patreon episode. We, we, there was just a lot happening. There was just,

I had a little extra on my plate. So I would be a little more busy on, on the last week of every month. And some people were weird about that. Other people were like, that's fine. It's great, right.

I guess, who you're going to want to see again. Guess who I'm dating currently and is living with and love. It's the person who was cool with that and understood that. Yeah. So guys, take a breath while we take a break. We're going to swing our way into a break. Wave you up some deals.

Your friendly neighborhood podcasters are back. Yeah, but we fucked up. We left all the deals hanging for over 12 hours. Shit. Necks are broken. We found alive the deals. We found alive the deals. This is by.

Okay. most 7986. 24-year-old female, my boyfriend, 27-year-old male, wants us to do a blood pact instead of getting engaged. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years. We talked about marriage a lot. I don't need to hear the question.

That's great. You do it. It's perfect. Next question. No, let me hear this weird necromancer boy. He's been hinting he's ready to take the next step. Last weekend, he told me the surprise plan. Thought he was going to propose. Instead, he popped up with two small glass vials, a random-ass blade and rubbing alcohol.

said he didn't believe in marriage because the government shouldn't define commitment and wedding rings are just expensive jewelry. I'm with them here. He told me he wanted us to slice our hands, mix our blood together in the vials, seal them and wear them as necklaces, or if we get enough blood, put it in the vase. He called it a blood pack and said it would mean more than any wedding ceremony because our blood would literally be connected forever. I laughed because what WTF, but he was so serious. Yeah, girl, he has a blade and vials. I said absolutely not. He said if I were scared of cutting. myself, he'd do it for me. Oh, isn't that nice? Or we could use my period blood. I said, no, fuck no, and he got upset and that's why I'd rather sign a piece of paper than make a real commitment. So if I truly loved him, I wouldn't be afraid of something symbolic. I told him it wasn't about

being afraid. It just felt really strange to me and honestly kind of unsettling. Now he's saying I'm disrespecting his beliefs and treating something that's meaningful to him like it's ridiculous. A couple of his friends even met him saying I'm close-minded and society has conditioned me to think marriage is the only valid commitment. Part of me feels like I should taking them more seriously instead of laughing, but I do feel like asking someone to do a blood practice of getting engaged is a lot and odd. Here, okay. I think we're missing the point a little bit here in this question in the sense that it's

not doing a blood pack instead of getting engaged, right? Like, I don't think that is the, oh, what a weird thing to do. I think the blood pact is the weird thing to do, regardless of why you're doing it. That is pretty close-minded, Dan. And it's crazy that he then went to his first. friends and his friends were like, you're not blood packing with Dave? What do you mean? What do you mean? It's not like, I need to know what his beliefs are. Vampire, man. He's a vampire. And that's it. Are all his friends the ones from the castle? Are they

the ones you only see at night? I do love the, or if we have enough blood, face. Surely you would at least attempt to control the amount of blood in this scenario. And also, like, oh shit, I cut you real deep. Hold on. It's vase time, like him getting hype. And like, what kind of fucking blood flower, blood rose? Are you fucking keeping alive with a vase full of blood? I think you just keep it in the vase. I don't know.

That's also fucking weird because vases are open. You just have a pitcher of blood? A vase without flowers is just a pitcher. That's just a carafe, man. Like, there's like a Molson fucking, like plastic pitcher. Yeah. Imagine like you meet some of the party. You're like, oh, cool necklace.

It's like, yeah, it's my partner and I's blood intertwined. Okay, cool. Yeah, there's no, like, there's no way you can have this conversation with anyone without them being like, huh, all right. Because you've, you've immediately made this person weird. And by that, I mean, Dave has made his, his proposed fiancee slash blood pack partner weird, right? Like, there's no way that you can explain to someone that you have your partner and your blood smushed swirling around in a vial around your neck without being like, what?

also especially if you're like and just so you're not weirded out by it it is my period blood yeah yeah what and again i'm not grossed out by period blood that's what we call compromise right like i dave he came to this with a real positive attitude he was like look i don't have to slice you with this random ass blade is right was it like ceremonial was it like an athame or was it like literally just like a fucking like got this at ikea yeah right or was it like didn't have have a curve to it? Was there an ivory handle? That's exactly. Like there's an eye that blinks on the fucking hill. Yeah. When you grip it,

it moaned a little bit. Yeah. My thought, right? I think there's a non-zero chance that Dave is one of those guys that, like, is, what's the word? Like, he almost like devil's advocatey where it's like, someone's like, oh, like, I want to get married, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, you want to get married? Well, if you want marriage, why not this? It's basically the same thing. It's still symbolic.

It's still whatever. It's just signing a thing. If you want to sign a thing, why aren't you doing blood? I understand where you're coming from. I think Dave just a freak, man. I think Dave is, I don't. I think Dave and his in cell buddies got upset that she wanted to get engaged. And he was like, I'll show her.

We'll all try to show her the era of her ways. I think this is something Dave's wanted to do for a long time. This is something you cook up, right? I think this is something that, like, he has for a very, long time for whatever fucking reason this is how he's seen his relationship progressing. Like when he finally finds the one, it's blood pack time. Maybe it's

a fucking my girl thing, right? They become blood, blood brothers, blood, blood, whatever's. Maybe it's the only way to really know is like, does Dave have a cloak with a hood? Because if Dave has a cloak with a hood, you should have seen this coming. Yeah. Does he have fangs?

Does he only come out of night? Does he sleep in a coffin? Does he hate Italian food? Is there a straw? coming out of the vial. Yeah. Is he like, like licking his lips every time he talks about it?

There's a lot here that I think you should actually be worried about. The whole, like, don't worry, I'll cut you. Yeah, I love the best phrase as like, I got you.

Someone eagerly and willingly and, like excitedly being like, I don't want to cut myself. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. One, there's a lot of things here.

But two, the idea of me cutting my partner, like inflicting bodily harm to the woman that I love upsets me greatly. So like I don't even, even though this is meant to be like a nice thing that he's doing to help, surely the idea of hurting your partner should offset any desire to do what you're doing. Maybe that's just me. But also the, I mean, I think I've talked about this before. But the cutting the hand thing pisses me off.

Never palm. Never palm. It's so fucking dumb. Why does every movie. whenever they need to do a blood sacrifice. They're like, yeah, sure, we're in this dirty-ass cave in which we've already had to like climb rickety bridges and scale a wall and that bridge fell

and I was hanging from it and we've been fighting mummies. But I'm going to slice my palm open so I can't use it or get severely infected by mummy juice. Or it's never going to heal because guess what? Your palm keeps moving. It's one of the most mobile parts of your body and you need to use it. Every time you move it, oh, I've ripped it open again.

But can't wash my mouth. Now, just so you know, if I had read out this question and I had said that Dave didn't want to cut the palms, Dane would be 100% behind it just because he'd be so high. Yeah. Just a little like, the weanus. Get the weenet. You don't feel anything there. That also moves.

Just get like the back of the forearm. Yeah. And then strip off some of your clothes, like tear a strip off your shorts, making them a little hotter for the trailer. And then, you know, wrap around the forearm. Either way, look, this is bad. You don't want to do it. So that's what's important. It doesn't matter if it's his beliefs.

It's not your beliefs. you don't have to just do whatever your partner believes. So you say, hey, I'm uncomfortable with this. I'm really sorry. And if he doesn't want to get engaged, but you don't want to do blood packed, maybe you guys are not suited. Hey, I think this is a great example of people who are compatible. Yeah. I think this is a real good example of that.

And I don't think, I mean, it's not like he's being like, hey, is it cool if we do like a Protestant ceremony or some shit, right? Like where. Which I don't agree with. where it's like if you don't give a shit, right? Like if you're not a religious person and someone is like, hey, it's really important to me and my family that we do it this way, then like that's a different thing.

But to be like, hey, not only do I not want to do the thing you want to do. Like you don't want to get married or like you want to get married, but I don't at all. And my compromise here is we inflict bodily harm on ourselves or each other. And then wear blood around. Like,

that's not an answer. Or have a vase day. And I think the vase is very important. The vase is the most upsetting thing. Like, does you want it filled with blood? Yeah, like, there's, there's a lot of difference between a little bit in this fucking thing I wear around my neck and vase. Yeah. Because like, again, you should, again, you should be really controlling the blood in this scenario. If he thinks there's a possibility, you guys are going on vase mode, definitely do not let him wield this fucking random ass blade. Yeah, if his, if his idea is like, Tiny Fire.

or vase and that's one and the other aspects that's a range of blood you're going to lose in this this exciting adventure you're taking with him yeah absolutely not because if someone if i went to a bar and someone was like hey depending you're going to order to drink and you may get a shot or you may get a bottle of wine it's like well i don't know like what you're bartender should be more skilled than that they should be able to pick one or the other not just they're either going to give you a shot of tequila or a bottle of tequila and you are going to have to drink it regardless. I was about to say that would be a great deal, but no. If I had to drink it, it's a bad deal. If you had no control over how it was consumed. But yeah, just no, you don't have to do this.

This is, yeah, this is absolute insanity. This is from theory sweaty. Girlfriend's medical notes is currently sexually active with two male partners, even though we're exclusive. Am I overreacting? My girlfriend went to the doctor today because she thought she might have, retained a tampon. After the appointment, she sent me a screenshot of her provider's notes. Everything seemed normal until I read this line. She's currently sexually active with two male partners and does not use protection. The thing is, we've been an exclusive relationship, so seeing that completely threw me off. She actually sent me the note herself. I didn't ask for it, which makes me wonder if it could just be documentation error or if the doctor

misunderstood something she said. At the same time, I didn't, or I don't know why a provider would write that if it wasn't mentioned. I haven't confronted her or accused her of anything. I just want to understand what's going on before assuming the worst. So anyone ever had someone like this show up incorrectly in their medical records? Or am I being naive and thinking this could be a mistake? How would you approach this conversation? Man, I am so glad that you didn't creep her medical records. What do you mean?

When you start reading the title, I was like, this guy fucking snuck in and like went through your medical. I was like, I was so ready to fucking come down on this guy, like a Phoenix alt. Hashtag rivals. So I'm really happy about that. And I'm just basking in that glow for for now. Look, maybe you don't know what the, like the question was. Was it like, oh, how many people have you been sexually active with? Or like, was it how many people you've been sexually active with in the last year or some shit?

And like, I don't know how long you guys are exclusive for, but it seems. I get the feeling is recent-ish by this question. I don't know why. Yeah, it doesn't specifically say, but it feels almost like, but we're newly, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. So you don't really know. But she did send it to you. So either she didn't read it or she.

she like but you just got to ask yeah i mean like this is the easiest uh scenario of like this is a hey so you sent me this and it does say that you were sexually active with two male partners what that about yeah and it's like could she lie sure but like you'll probably get a pretty good idea of whether she is or not based on her response or she'll have a explanation or something but it's like if you have no reason to suspect that she's cheating on you it's highly possible that there is a question or a situation where this makes sense or it is a mistake because yeah i don't know like when you give blood they ask you i believe it's like five years or something like that and also it goes back to like i mean i think this is a pretty problematic question uh yeah nowadays uh but like

they ask you if like you've ever slept with like i've gone to africa and like slept with anyone there with it like prior to a certain date or whatever or if you gotten your teeth done in northern Ireland. Really? Yeah. My dad got asked that and he had and they were like, nope. I don't know if it's still a thing. And I also don't know why. But it was just like, okay. I assume it's a like a hepatitis thing or something. Like maybe there was like an outbreak of bad dental work being done. Who knows? I'm sure I could find out pretty easily with a Google, but I won't. Yeah. Because we're professionals in the middle of a podcast. I would never stop the podcast to Google something important. So yes, I'm sure like, I think if you've been dating this person exclusively for like 10 years,

years, I think you got room to be concerned. If you're a year or under, I imagine this is probably like, in the past, like two, three years, how many sexual partners have you had? I think you might be concerned again, like, you didn't go into sort of like the specifics of your relationship, which is tough to make a call. Like, do you guys use protection? Yeah. Because if you're using protection and it says that there's two male partners where there isn't protection. Yeah. Then maybe you need to clarify that as well. Like, there's, there's a lot here that you just sort of have to. to like, I would also do this in person as to sort of really like, don't let them. Yeah.

And also just make sure that your tone comes across correctly as well. Because if you just like send a text, it might seem that you're like, what the fuck is this? As opposed to me like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. It's, uh, it's certainly worth a conversation for sure because like, well, if you're upset, it's in your head. You have to have a conversation. Yeah.

There's no way that you're going to glean this information otherwise short of then becoming super paranoid going through her stuff, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, sure, you could do that. I don't think it's the right option. I think the right option is to have a chat with her. Could she lie? Sure. But like, the other option sucks. If she's like, oh, this reasonable question the doctor asked me to which I gave an honest answer, which you could have found out by asking me, instead you put a tracker in my car and you went through my messages and you've been shitty to me for weeks. Like, no, you're going to talk to her. You're going to talk to her. And you're going to be nice about it. And then if she's like, uh-oh, busted.

you you toss her to the curb. I'll get a little last one here for you. This is by Schlipp Sloppy. Hell yeah. I'm a 26-year-old female virgin. I'm my boyfriend, 28-year-old male, wants to take my anal virginity before vaginal. We've already done blow jobs.

I've asked him why, and he says he just thinks it'll be funny. Maybe it'll hurt less if we prepare properly. Also, he's never done anal. So it's like we're losing that virginity together. Not sure what to think about it. I always felt like anal on a woman is pointless. Maybe just a humiliation thing says women don't have prostates to enjoy it from. Sorry if that's rude, but it's just my initial thought.

Does anyone of thoughts on this? I don't know if you should ever do something relationship-based when the rationale is, they could be funny. And I know, I know that's coming a lot from me because there's a lot of time. I do do things specifically because they're funny. But I think that like when two of the biggest scamps on the internet are telling you that maybe you shouldn't do something just because it's for the walls, you should listen. And I don't think it's a good enough reason. I'm sorry. No.

I'm not sorry, actually. It's kind of weird and disrespectful. Now, if you wanted to, if you also thought it was funny, then go for it. Yeah, sure. Again, with proper preparation, because the worry is he hasn't done it before. You haven't done any of this before. But actually, you're not even that young. You guys are 26.

Get loop. Prepare properly. Do this correctly because it'll be funny. Doesn't really give me a lot of faith in your guy's preparation skills. Yeah, or his like maturity. His bed, his in bed manner as opposed to his bedside manner. Yeah. Like his,

his etiquette seems like it might be lacking a little. Yeah. So if you also think it's funny and you want to do this, there's nothing wrong with it. But. No, I will say also. If you're not totally gung-ho on this. No. Or bung-ho.

Hey. I also, like, what was I going to say? I was going to say something. And I got real excited about bunghole. Pretty good. Oh. Um, uh, the part where she says anal

can't be enjoyable for women what do you mean? There's plenty of women who enjoy anal like it's not it's not just a degradation thing it's not just a disrespectful thing you can just because you don't have a prostate doesn't mean you can't enjoy anal that's that's the only thing

I wanted to say you can you could certainly enjoy anal without a prostate there are I'm sure many many women who do so I don't want that to be like I don't want you That's a good point. Approaching anal as like, this is only meant to like disrespect me.

Starting off with it, I think is a bit ambitious. Especially if it's just because it's funny. I don't know. It doesn't feel like it's taking you into account. It feels like you're the punchline here. That's it, right? Like the punchline is I fucked a virgin in the ass before I fucked her pussy. Yeah.

It sounds like you're just a story for the boys rather than anything else. And it's like we don't really. Like, we don't believe that virginity is anything more than a social construct. It's not important. But I don't know that this is healthy. Yeah. It's weird because I don't want to put too much weight on virginity. And I don't want to put too much weight on, you know, having anal sex or not having anal sex or whatever.

Right. Like, it's tough. But you're right. There is an air of like, this isn't in service to you. Yeah. Right. Like this seems like it's not said that you are the punchline that you will be the butt of the joke where. Like, lit in a butt of the joke.

Where he can point and be like, look what she let me do to her. And that sucks. That's gross. And you shouldn't be like, one, approaching a sexual relationship that way. And two, approaching someone you're supposed to care about that way.

Like, you shouldn't be like, I can't wait to make her seem like an idiot or a slut or a whatever, right? Or to use her as a little chip in my boy chat. Yeah. It's weird.

And again, if you were a thousand percent gung-ho about this, I don't think you'd be writing this question, right? Yeah. So you're not, so don't do it. And if you suggest otherwise and he gets any way weird, that I think is 100% guaranteed that you, one, should not have anal with him. And two, I don't think you should lose your virginity with him at all, right?

If he isn't like, oh, yeah, 100%, then that shit. If he tries to guilt you by being like, well, I thought there was a virginity we could lose together. It's like, you still have your anal virginity, if that's how he wants to categorize things, because he's had sex and he hasn't lost his anal virginity, right? So it's like that doesn't even make sense. You can lose. So don't try to let him twist this into like a, but it'd be sweet.

We'd be losing it together. You could still lose that together after you've had. Yeah, whenever sex. Like it doesn't make, it doesn't fucking compute. I'm very concerned is all I'll say. And I think you need to be careful in this scenario because the guy seems immature at best and a gigantic shit had at worst. And there's a reason you haven't had sex yet.

I don't know what it is. But there is, there's a block for whatever reason, or or a last. of interest or or a choice or you know whatever right like you have not had sex yet you are still a virgin so there's a reason for that and do you want the reason for it to not be that case because it's funny right like is that is that also you know it also be funny you fucking his ass yeah have you brought that up it would be funny to be like hey imagine if the first time i had sex i was wearing a strap on and i pegged you yeah right i'll bet you he won't be down for that yeah if he is A.B. is a real scamp.

Yeah, maybe he will be like, you know what? Actually, never mind. That's funnier. Gongho hilarious. Like, is he just total clown mode? Because, you know, if he's jester maxing, that's one thing. But I also think, like, if we want to take everything into account here, it's going to be harder for you to successfully and happily have anal sex. Then it will be for you to happily and successfully have vaginal sex for the first time. And having sex for the first time is a scary prospect. in a lot of ways, right?

Society builds up the idea of virginity, especially like the older you are and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's like to give yourself the best chance of enjoying this and not scarring yourself for future sexual encounters, I would recommend that you go with vaginal sex because it's going to be easier on you. And there's going to be more likelihood that you enjoy it. And even then, you may not, a lot of people don't the first time.

So it's like, I think to hedge your bets and give yourself the best chance of not going forward with sexual trauma and being like, oh, I don't like that. do it the normal way. Like, I don't think you should go anal, especially not if the reason is just, there's a lot of sort of like preparations you have to take when it comes to just normal sex

in terms of like ensuring that you're aroused enough, ensuring that there's loop, ensuring that like you have the right protection, blah, blah, right? Like, you have all that to consider. But then you also have to consider like the butt is not as, the anus is not as hardy as, as a vagina in terms of like what it's meant to do.

Like, last thing you want to do is like, oh, he's a little rough and now you have anal terror. Cool. Great. Like that. Or like, it's just, there's a new, a number of ways it can go wrong. So my main concern here is your first sexual experience. And I mean, like, panestritive experience isn't traumatic. Doesn't make things worse for you going forward and like allows you to have a healthy sex life after that.

And like becoming the butt of this guy's joke or like rumors being spread around you or like the boy chat being all shitty or like you getting hurt or any of. or any of these things. Like, look, just having a guy behind you going, huh, right? Like, that also sucks. Yeah, just like mumbling, lull. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's going to be a no for me. It's going to be a no for me as well, dog. And I think the boundary at which it should be a yes for you should be incredibly high. Like, it should be a, this is exactly how you've always wanted it. This is the only thing you want rather than a, I guess. You got to be busting a gut for a gut busting. Busting the butt. Yeah.

Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. I'm sure that's the segue he wants. I'm hoping if I, because like I once was like, hey, we use your theme tune in the show. You know, give us a little retweet and he never responded. So maybe if I continually place him in the worst places, someone will be like, Josh, you've got to get in there. You got to stop these menaces. Yeah, you got to get involved. He's responded to my tweets before.

Fuck. Josh. Me and Josh homies. Are you serious? Uh, yeah. I'm never doing this part again. It's all you now. He just might not have seen it. That's all. He's a busy man. He's out there with his Eagles. He is Eagles, Dan. You don't even know him. You're ready for some bad sex, right? He's just 12 Eagles in a Turkish guy. I think we've done this one before, but it popped up and it made me giggled. So we're doing it again. Okay. Thank you for this baby, she says from the backseat. He's beautiful. I laugh. You're responsible for the beautiful part, Rachel. The only thing he got for me was his balls. She laughs. She laughs. She laughs hard. My God, I know she says, they're so big. We both laugh

at our son's big balls. Huh. I don't remember this. Oh, okay. Maybe we haven't done it. I've definitely read it somewhere in my feverish crawl for bad sex writing, which I don't know if everyone appreciates how much mental damage I take doing that and also reading seduction. Yeah. And if you want to help me pay for the inevitable therapy, I'll need from all this. Please join our Patreon. Please. Please. Speaking of a Patreon, we're about to record a Patreon episode because you get a bonus episode every month. There's also movie reviews. There's how-toes.

There's probably more on Hens shit that I'm forgetting about. I think there is a video episode in there somewhere. Yeah, it's hard to remember because there's so much content on there for you to consume. That's an incredible deal, much like getting a pitcher of vodka from your in-apps bartender when you only want a shot. Yeah. I was like a pitcher, but you mean like a a jug pitcher. A vase.

I mean vodka. Shit, I always mix those up. We love you. Goodbye. My name is Day Miller. And I'm Spider-Bet. We've been your fuck buddies.