F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Chemistry So Hot, They Must Be Related

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

I'm starting to get the step-sibling trend in porn now... it's the only way they could get the chemistry that sexy!  Topics include I love you and also I never want to see you again, embarrassing oral, treat her like your little sister, unrealistic dating standards.

Hello friends, my name's Day Miller. And I'm Nile Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a sextantating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either on the horrifying wastes that are the internet or from the horrifying waste that are your mind. And we answer them right here, right now, every Monday. Often on Patreon, Dane, you ever think your dick like Crocs? Ever think my dick

likes crock or my dick is like crock It's like crocs My dick is like crocs I'm trying to play in the space with you And I'm trying to understand if people are If I'm worried like is it comfortable Do nurses love them nurses And Sri Lankan line cooks love them

That's it No your boner is sports mode My boner is sports mode Okay Because crocs have a sports They have two modes Yes Of course obviously

Sports mode is the boner. And is this something you've thought up or is there, is this a question that's just going around? Who knows? Who knows? You got a question for me? Actually, no, this week we're going to talk about. Boyfriend wants a relationship to only be online from now on.

Oral is so embarrassing. Treat her like your little sister? Are my dating standards too high? My 20-year-old male boyfriend only wants our relationship to be online from now on, 20-year-old female. This is by lone revivors. We've been together three years. Recently, we have been doing long distance due to different colleges we want to attend,

but promise we'd meet up and see each other at the end of every semester. Until then, we've been talking mainly over the phone. Today, he told me he only wanted to date online for the rest of our relationship. He said, I did nothing wrong. He loves me deeply, but he feels more comfortable being only in an online dating relationship rather than the physical one. Even still, he said that being with me physically was the most enjoyable his life has been. This doesn't make sense to me.

He also said he wanted to make friends outside of the internet and in person. So he wants to meet strangers he knows nothing about physically but not his girlfriend. The person who was there for him when no one else was? I remember the shit I went through for this man? And he always gave me the short end of the stick. I only stayed because he promised change and he claimed he wasn't thinking and he loved me. And he knows I forgive way too easily for my own good. I can't help it.

I hate that about myself. I told him it was insane he wanted that. I took six hours convinced him what he was talking about was foolish. But I feel so deeply hurt by this. When I asked why he wanted this, he said he doesn't know. But he knows it's not. because he doesn't love me or care about me. And he didn't want space away either.

Can anyone explain why? I think at a point in time when people say words to you, I think you need to listen to the words and make a decision based on what the words that are being said to you mean. And maybe sometimes I'll take it one step further and say that you make a decision based on what the words mean to you. And in this scenario, this person has said, hey, I never want to. to see you again. And so if someone said that to me, regardless of the other things in the peripheral of the I love you, you know, I still want to be with you. Core, when you whittle it down and you look at like what's being said, they're saying, I don't want to ever see you or spend

time with you again. So to me, if that elicits the response of me saying, that's an insane thing to say to me, which it seems like she did. Yeah. You didn't word for word. I would then say, this isn't going to work. Yeah. Yeah. Because I do want to be in a relationship with someone that I can, you know, touch and be physically intimate with and just see and spend time with. And I don't think it's unreasonable to want those things. No. And I, but I also think, like, if this is what this dude wants to pursue, that's fine. I'm sure he can find a long distance online girlfriend who would be happy. Like, I'm sure that's a thing that you can get and find if that's what he's looking for.

but it's also if that not what if that's not what you're looking for you don't have to participate in it and try to convince him otherwise because let me tell you it's kind of the crux right because it's like it doesn't matter why why would he do this what what is his reasons what is it you don't want this so that's kind of where it ends right like you it's all about him in this question what about you surely you don't want this relationship this person says never want to see you again love you though you're great okay but you need to be present because you seem to say that already it's an issue that you're not seeing each other enough. And now he's saying, yeah, never though. How about that? It doesn't really matter what he wants because it's not what

you want. So it's an easy question. Like, you break up because this person does not want what you want. Yeah. And it's not even like, it doesn't even have to be a malicious thing. Right? Like, he might not be. Probably is though. It probably, look, he's got a secret real life girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Like, let's face it. Like he probably was trying to break up with you with a crazy gambit of like being like, I'm going to tell her I'm never going to want to see her again and want to do an online only. Yeah, like a cool likes to love you, never see you again. Like fucking you're great.

Best time I've ever had never ever darked my doorstep, bitch. Yeah, like I assume that was his plan, right? Like it's got to be like he was like, okay, this will definitely make her break up with me. She doesn't want this. I didn't want to break up. I didn't want to break up. I just wanted to never see you ever again.

You can. Yeah. I mean, like, I assume, and then him being like, oh, I want to meet real life friends. Let me get, like. In two weeks, let me guess one of these real life friends are going to get real cozy with him. Yeah. My real life friend Sarah, who I bet. I mean, shit.

Yeah, met. Yes. In bad. Fuck. I just, why do we have such a hard time? Listen. And, like, look, I understand that there are periods in my life. in which people were very clear about what they wanted.

And I, you know, it's easy to not, granted, I was very young. I don't think in my adult life I've ever been this obtuse in terms of listening to what people like I got a lot of my dumb shit out of the way earlier. So now I could be on my high horse and have a relationship advice podcast. Now I get to seem real real like I got my shit together. I did dumb shit. I was like, why would they do this? And it was obvious.

So don't worry. You're allowed be dumb. That's why we're here. You can shoot us the questions. We'll be kind. It's also easier to get. I mean, yeah, we'll be kind if you deserve it. It's also easier, obviously, to take a step back and like look at something, you know, from our godlike positions in the pot-o sphere.

Giving, giving advice, people may not know this. A lot easier than taking advice. Let me tell you that. And a lot easier than self-analysing and self-criticking. Yeah, giving yourself advice and then taking it really hard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why we're here.

That's why we make the big bucks. So don't you worry. You send us those stupid questions. Yeah, it's okay. Because there's no such thing as stupid questions. I would say, yeah, I was going to say, I would say almost every sex and dating of X question is probably a stupid one unless it's a medical one. And we can't answer that probably. So there you go.

We're not going to touch those ones. But otherwise, like I feel like they're all, like, they're all dumb questions. And I mean this lovingly. I mean this in a, in a positive way, in the sense. that like we are so ingrained to want the best for ourselves and the people we care about that we will often choose the dumbest option in a scenario to maintain that illusion or to maintain that belief or to it. We're that dog in the kitchen on fire being like, I have a relationship.

Yeah. I don't know why I'm miming holding a cup when I have one. In your exact other hand already arrived and ready to go. Yeah. it's, when you said dog in the kitchen, I had no idea you're going to go with like that this is fine meme. I was like, dog in the kitchen on fire. What the hell is that? This is terrible. Yeah, I'm so sad. I was just imagining like a little yellow lab just like, uh, that's how dating be, man. That's just how it is. You ever think that dating's like crocs? Because sports mode? No.

Or because you can put like crazy little pins on them? You kind of get to decorate them, make them your own. And also sometimes, you know, there's always holes in it. No, no, no crock is perfect. I got to imagine whoever had the idea to make crock flare is fucking laughing. Just being like, hey, these dumb, ugly shoes, what if we

made them dumb and uglier? Yeah, that's, it's, it has to have been a joke, right? I like a joke that spiraled. It's like how Mary was like, oh, God got me pregnant. That's exactly how, how, oh, God, we lost all our religious listeners.

Oh, no, we lost all our crocs listeners, we only have the Shrek heads now. Don't be started on the Shrek Croc Flares. They're the only ones worth the shit. Yeah, they did actually see really good ones where they were like the Shrek ears, like the trumpet ears and you put them on. Yeah, and you put them on the green crocs and then I got my foot right up Shrek.

Now you get your Shrocks. Shrocks. I like that. This is from Personal Advisor. Oral is so embarrassing. How to get over the gut-wrenching embarrassment during oral. I'm a newbie when it comes to liking sex and stuff. My boyfriend doesn't rush me or force me. We've been easing into it. He really enjoys going down on me and prefers it over as floor play over me giving him a blowjob. He's very good and I never go unsatisfied. But I notice I tend to

stifle myself, hide my face or close my eyes. I'm so embarrassed. I'm not sure I know how to stop being so embarrassed. It's worst post-orgasm. I literally pull away after and shame due to my reactions. I enjoy what we do. He's very enthusiastic. It's just the fact that someone is staring at me bare. Is it supposed to be this uncomfortable? How do I overcome this? I love him. I want to reassure he's doing an amazing job.

What age did they say? They didn't. Look, getting naked with someone for the first time is always an embarrassment. It's always a little like, oh, God, you know, we're brought up to be ashamed of our nudity and, you know, blah, blah, blah. You got to get over it, though. If you're having sex with people, you can't be like, hey, I am going to get naked and want you to touch me places. But then I will make it your problem. Like, no, you can't do that.

So is it normal? Sure, to a point. But you also have to rationalize it and get past it. Because look, when I was a young book and I was getting naked with people and I would go and have sex with them and then sports mode would switch to whatever the other mode is called. I was like, that mode's not for viewing, right? Comfort mode. Yeah.

When it's soft and smaller. And I got to hide under the sheets. But you know what? We've talked about that before. You've got to get to fuck over it because that's not a way to live. if I'm like, oh God, we're done. I got to run and hide my day. Like, no, you're naked.

He's naked. The idea of the mental image of you just breaking into a full sprint to get behind any object. Any cover. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that one episode of The Simpsons or he's walking down the road and it's just like all the different things.

The Austin Powers. Yeah. Intro. Um, look, I, I'm on with Nile here where it's like, I understand. I think like with ladies and the, the position in which you are when you're going down. there's a lot to be seen right there's a lot there's boobs there's vagina so like you're seeing sort of like a whole whole row of of things that i imagine there is insecurity of because of the

way that media and everything treats you right like life yeah you know it's tummy tummy is there on on the way up and also no one looks good when they're like looking there so i get it you're in a position that is vulnerable and not super flat However, they're having the time of their lives, their tongue deep in you, they're enjoying it. And also, they're not, they'll have time to be looking at you, really. They have time for maybe a little glance up, at which point they're seeing boob mountain, oh, their favorite mountain range. And then they're seeing your face presumably enjoying what they're doing, which I know you may find

embarrassing. Like, oh, I made a face. That face just gave him the rush of his life because that's, oh, I'm doing a good job. I'm a sex god. fuck yes tongue deep in vagina looking at boobs my life is incredible they're having literally the time of their lives you say in your thing that he's enthusiastic he prefers doing this over getting a blowjob he likes doing it you never go unsatisfied that is that is the dream that is what you you want in terms of so many women listening are throwing themselves out of their moving cars just hearing

this right now and i don't even mean like that's a dream of like oh my partner doesn't want oral sex and would rather I give it. Like, that's not, what I'm saying is... I assume that's more of a he just doesn't want to finish too soon once you get to the act, kind of deal. Sure. Or, yeah. Either way, what my point being is, your job while being pleasureed, is to be pleasureed.

You don't need to do anything else. You don't need to, if, like, there really isn't much you can do as... Pillow princesses here. You fucking starfish. You don't move. When someone is going down on you, there really isn't a whole lot... No, I know. you can do other than sit back and kind of enjoy it. And I get it. Like, I remember when I first

started getting blowjabs, like, if you're sitting in a chair or on a couch or on a bed or something, it's like, you are kind of just like, cool. And I remember like, I was very nervous about like making noises because I felt like that wasn't a- Well, men aren't meant to, right? Yeah, men, men don't make noise. Thanks society. Um, but as I grew out of that and like, learn to be like, make noise so that she knows. I remember there's one time. And this was kind of like the turning point for me was, At one point, someone was like, are you enjoying it? Because you haven't done it. Like, I don't even think you're breathing right now.

And it's like, no, I'm, I'm very much enjoying it. So it's nice to let people know. But like, as Nell said, there's nothing better than looking up and seeing someone's face, no matter how twisted and contorted it is. What he's seeing is pleasure. What he's seeing is a good job. What he's seeing is visceral reaction and immediate response to what he is doing. And that's good.

It's not only super self-gratifying, but it's also hot as fuck. Like, that's the thing. It's like, yes, sure. If we take that face and you walk down the street making that face or sitting on the subway, like, yeah, someone's probably going to be like, what's up with her? But this isn't that. Context is important. And in this scenario, in this situation, that's hot as fuck. Yeah, I'm trying to think.

I'm like going through a rolodex in my brain right now and being like, have I ever seen a pleasure face that. has not done it for me. And I don't think, and I've, I was with someone once who like would like scrunch. Like she, she got scrunchy when she was coming. And you know, you know like a child who's like and they're like putting so much pressure into their face. Their face is going red and they're like having like almost like a tantrum and they look like they're about to explode. That people do that. And it was still hot. Yeah. You know like the red swelling head tantrum face. But you know what? Again, someone did that on the subway, I'd be like, okay, I've got to get off the next stop. Yeah, this person is going to go crazy. Yeah, but in bed? Hell yeah. One, I've done a great job.

Two, you're hot as fuck. Let's, let's get to it. Honestly, I feel like the weirder the sex face, the hotter it is. Yeah, because it's more like genuine as well. Like, there's like, no one's putting that on. No one's going, he's going, he's going to love this. So there's just a wait till he gets a look at this one. Yeah, right? Have you ever tried this was just the Sabrina Carpenter song, but with increasingly terrible O faces. Yeah, just you got to take a breath. And the thing is, I think she's less, obviously she's more like self-conscious about the orgasm. Because she's like, oh, it's bad enough.

But then once I come, it's like, girl, don't do yourself this to service. Don't do your partner this disservice. And I know it's not going to be like a, oh, some guy online said not to be self-conscious about, I'm good. But you do have to start to make the journey because it's going to pretty much be you. focusing on it and trying to try to like spade by spade undo this mound of insecurity you just got to be like when i see him come do i get freaked out and if you do maybe you suck or maybe he does something wild but like i'm imagining like with most people you think it's hot ergo he's gonna think the same about you like if you go down on him and he's like and like bucking and thrashing and then when you're done you're not like

that was embarrassing no you're like fuck yeah i'm a sex god he had a great time. He's hot as fuck. I'm dripping. Let's get to it. I mean, like, just, and I, I agree with what you're saying in terms of, like, you know, it's very difficult to whittle down insecurity. But I think what you need to do, and I think the best way to do it is, like, read your own question and re-evaluate what's actually being saying. Like, going back to that first question, words have meaning. And, and when you say words, you need to figure out what they mean. And you say like, he really goes down, going down

on me. Great. He's done it before. And presumably you made faces and noises and movements. And he enjoyed that. So much so that he would rather do that than get a blowjob. So obviously, whatever you're doing, work it and fine. Why are you embarrassed about it? Very importantly,

there's no doubt. Like, you're not like, I think he enjoys it or I think you're like, he enjoys it. He loves it. He's great. He's attentive. I have, like, fun. So it's Like, you don't doubt this, but you're not thinking about it. Yeah. To think about it. And then you say he's enthusiastic.

So obviously he wants to elicit this response from you. He's he's doing such a good job and he's doing it with enthusiasm. Gusto. To do the thing that you're feeling self-conscious about. So you're right. So you need to frame the idea of being like your your job here is to allow yourself to feel as good as this man is working as hard to make you feel. Because that's the thing. Like a lot of people don't get enthusiasm from their partners.

Not even like out of malice or out of spite, but just out of like lack of experience or like, you know, self-confidence issues on their end or whatever. So it's like it's easy to not be enthusiastic. So if there was something that you were doing that he wasn't enjoying, why the fuck would he be like going to town to elicit that? Yes. So you're fine. You're fine. But you have to put in the work, right? This isn't just going to be a magical switch one day.

And it's not easy. But just because not easy doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. it because it's such a good thing to do. Once you get over this hump or start to get over this hump, the rest of your life is going to just get better because the next time you have sex is going to be better. Every time you have sex is going to be better. Yeah. So start and shoveling that mound. The whole sort of like the end of the question is I want to reassure him and he's doing an amazing job. Enjoy yourself. There's no better way to be like, hey, you're doing a great job than if someone, if he makes you come real hard and you make weird noises and you shake and you're

trembling and you're making your big weird O face. Like that's how you reassure you doing a good job. No one's going to be confused with that, right? Like no one's going to get on red and be like, I go down on my girlfriend a lot and she comes very hard and she makes a lot of noise and she trembles after she comes. Am I doing it right? So like, yeah. Reassure him with the things that you're feeling and stopping yourself from feeling.

And also, you could also say, hey, that was fucking awesome. I love when you do that. But I would say more importantly is like, I think reinsurance has to come when you're like, oh, I hide, I run away and I, whatever, at the end. Like, that is more important. And I think not only do you need to reassure them, I think you also need to explain. And I think that'll be good for both of you. If you're like, hey, sorry, I just feel really embarrassed about like the way I come.

Because hopefully they will be like, why, you're good. Like, this is hot as fuck. but also then when you run away and hide under the covers, he's not going to be like, well, I did something terribly wrong, right? Like, I think that you really need to, like, get out in front of that. And again, part of the process of stopping that is being honest, sharing your insecurities with your partner so hopefully they can reassure you, but also so that they know what's going on, so they are not spiraling.

I feel like some people are scared to talk about that kind of stuff outside of the bedroom because they're worried, they're like, well, if I bring it up, they'll notice it. and they think they're getting away with it now. I promise you. If you're doing something strange, especially like running away from someone or shrinking away from someone or getting strange and weird and embarrassed or insecure, they know.

They've already clued into it. They've picked it up. They're aware of it. And they're not bringing up because they don't want to make it weird for you. So it's your job to be like, hey, I know that after you make me come, I get a little weird, I get a little self-conscious. I get really embarrassed. it's an insecurity of mine, you're doing great, I'm working on it, and hopefully they will

reassure you. But like, don't think that just because you're not bringing it up and they're not bringing it up, that people don't know. Chances are, yeah, they know. Especially like, again, as Dane says, they probably know regardless because like you're got to be dialed in, especially look, if he's that good at given head, he's probably pretty dialed into your responses. That's all I'm saying. So if you suddenly get all weird, he's not going to be like, I don't know, he's going to know something's a ride. But also, if you are literally like fleeing into a fucking blanket pile on the side of the room and hiding, which, you know, obviously it's a bit dramatic. But it sounds like you're doing something to that element.

He knows. So it's like you're not bringing it up. It's just going to be him being like, what the fuck's going on? So let them know. Let them in. And again, explain where you're coming from because us reassuring you will do something, hopefully. Him reassuring you will presumably do more. So these are all steps you can take to build up, you know, to the good stuff.

All right. What is meant by Treater like your little sister? This is by Punch Sideiron. How many times have you gotten that advice, Dane? I would say I've not heard it until right now. Yeah. Okay, good. I'm like, am I crazy? Because on seduction, apparently, this is incredibly common advice, and anybody weirded out by it is themselves quite weird. This is by Punch Sideiron. I've seen this several times, and I'm lost on what this means. Am I to assume all women are childlike? Do I have to baby them? Or dot, dot, dot, dot, do I? dot, dot, childish behavior and women is a major turnoff for me, and I do not want to talk about seducing my little sister or any relative, frankly. This advice is really weird to me.

I mean, yeah, for the first time in seduction, I agree with you, my dude. Like, yes. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a really bad advice, but let's, uh, let's pop into the comments here. Um, we'll just kind of jump for, through a few of them, then we'll talk. I think I can finally comment. It means treat her like you've known her forever and tease her. Be playful and protective. Next comment, ain't too late to delete this, bro. Means you shouldn't take her seriously. I've learned a lot from interaction with my sister.

She throws insults and mocks regularly since we're kid. I'm used to it. She does it to look for my attention or to make me mad. Okay? No condoms? That's no. Where'd you see this? In general, treating her like little sisters, putting her down, teasing,

gentle bullying, not acting sexually interest in her. This can generate interest, but not everyone responds well to it. It's not that deep, an obvious issue with analogy, but it means stop being so stiff and rigid and flirt and tease ignore her at dinner, then go to your room and play video games. So I don't know, apparently this is very common advice being given. I have never heard. I think it's bad. I understand the sentiment behind it. Like, I understand like the stupid, like the stupid, like pickup artist's brain reasoning behind it. But it's stupid. I want to stress the stupid. It's stupid and bad and it's gross. Like, that's the thing. Like, if you were like, if you were like, if you were. like, yeah, treat her like an object. I would also be like, yo, that's gross. Treat her like a younger relative you have a very intimate position with. That's terrible. If the advice would be playful and

flirty, sure, yes. But that's also not like groundbreaking. That's pretty much you would imagine bog standard. I don't have a, I don't have a sister, but it's also I don't think too much to describe my relationship with a sister. Like, playful and flirty. Flirty, God no, I hope.

Selection, what's going on? Yeah. Like, it's again, don't treat them seriously or like ignore them or when they say things, it's only to provoke attention or make you mad. It's like, your views on women are just so fucked. Like just so like, oh, women. You know what they do. They just want attention to make you mad. It's like, do you genuinely walk through life thinking about this? Like men can have complex issues. Like you can talk to someone and you may want more than one of two things. I don't. I. attention or madness. But women, that's it, man. These days, I feel like those are

the only two things that I crave is attention and absolute madness. Yeah, that's fair. It just, I feel like it's been a while since we've had a real,

a real seduction banger, and this one just took me back where like so few people are on them. Like, you'd think that men who are so ingrained on being like, my entire personality must revolve around

whether or not I can sleep with women would then also have the idea of being like, I shouldn't fuck my sister or I should not have sexy thoughts about my sister. Like I feel like those are two two camps that exist with each other in terms of like

women, women are sexual objects except for these women because these are the only women that aren't sexual objects. But it seems like they have lost the plot even further. Yeah, they're like already. And they're like, well, little sister, maybe. fuckable.

More advice. Like, if I'm a grown man, if I'm, like, I'm an adult man. And if I hear a little sister and I have a little sister, chances are she's also like in her 20s or 30s, most likely, right? She's probably in a close approximate age to me. So if your whole idea is that like, no matter what little sister is child, I think that's that's another thing, right? It's like you have a brother, right?

So as you grew up, I'm sure, like, for example, with my siblings, when I was younger, we were a little bit more antagonistic. We were a little bit more blah, blah, blah. When we got to a certain age, me and my sister became a lot, like, closer and more like, you know, equals and like adults. And then when my brother reached a certain age, and now the three of us, despite the age differences are just on an even playing field and we treat each other like humans. It would be insane if I was like, hey, little bro, like, nuggy, like, like, yeah. It's like every time you saw him, you just fucking roughed him up. So, like, it's also just completely missing. Like, again, should we be surprised a seduction is absolutely not understanding how a relationship works?

I guess not, but it's like you're saying not treat her like a little sister. Treat her like an eight-year-old little sister. That's kind of super creepy, buds. It's already creepy and you made it worse. Yeah, to be like, hey, here's this adult woman that I do want to have sex with. I am going to imagine that she is not only my relative, but also. a child. And if that is like, and even if like, look, even if that's not the idea behind it, right? Like, even if the premise is like, oh, you need to be sort of like antagonistic and aloof and, you know, sort of like whatever, even if that is the case, surely you must understand that when you say the words, little sister, there are two things that come to mind, child and relative. Yeah, both bad.

You shouldn't want to fuck. Yeah. And no, instead you have been like, nope, this is it. This is the way I want to go. In the path I want to walk down. Of analogies, you've gone, hey, maybe the two worst. Yeah. Because I guess now said, if that's the plan, you could have just been like, oh, bring an antagonistic energy to your dating strategy.

Sure. Yeah. Or even just like, you know, another one is like, don't find your. or like don't take her too seriously. It's like, why would you do that? You know what I mean? This is bad advice to just be like, yeah, yeah, anything they say, there's just a little child, little child idiot.

The funny thing about seduction is I feel like their advice could be useful, but the problem is they attach it to women and not scenarios, right? I think going out to a bar and meeting women and not taking it too seriously is a good plan. Now, you've already made it better by saying not taking it too seriously instead of not taking them too seriously. That's what I mean. I feel like they're always so close. It's almost like a broken telephone where like they saw something, but by the time it gets to them, they're like, women never take seriously? And it's like, no, maybe don't take dating so seriously. And they're like, yes, I will never respect her. And you're like, God damn it. But that's it, right? I think they see,

they see a scenario where it's like, I've gone up to someone and I'm waiting to get a drink and I have some playful banter. I, you know, make fun of her shoes because she's wearing Crocs with Shrek gears on it. And then I leave and people are like, oh man, are they related? I didn't take. Is that his sister? I didn't feel the sexual tension is high. Are they, are they fucking related? It must be brother. It's sister. But it's like I didn't take this bar if she's eight years old. I didn't take the situation seriously. But what, they sees, oh, that man didn't take her seriously. Yeah. It's like, no, no, I did. I care, I care deeply about the interaction and the way that

I treated her. You know what I mean? It's like those are the, and I feel like a lot of seduction, a lot of pickup artists, like miss that point of being like, they miss every point. Well, yes, yes, they do. If you don't get it, you haven't been around women enough. They all act like children and want you to treat them like that. No. No. That's, no, please. I don't know. I don't know Yeah, I don't know what women. Hey, the only women that act like children are her children. Yes, yes. It's just, it just stop, guys, please, please. Yeah. Or look, if you're in this hole and you're looking for advice and you come across something like this and you are a single person who is struggling, anytime, I think it's a pretty good rule of advice, I think anytime it says, do this to women or treat women this way, just assume it's bad advice. Because it's the same way as saying like, all. All men are bad. All men are pigs.

All men are whatever. And you get... I'm sure you can hear seduction roaring. I'm sure these dudes would get very upset if someone said, all men do this. Or men are this way. Treat men this way. You'd get mad.

But the second you put those generalizations and sort of like blanket statements on women and how to treat them and what they want, you think that it's fact and accurate. So just if you come across this information, if you come across tips that say women, like this. Treat women like this. Assume it's bad. Assume it's bad advice. Now my caveat would be if someone says treat women like people, you can listen to that one. I said what I said. You know what? There's probably someone out there doesn't want to be treated like a person. You're right.

Republican women. This is from forward beyond. Are my dating standards too high? Friend gave me a reality check and I'm worried. I'm saying no. Oh, okay. Well, I am 25. almost 26-year-old female. I knew I wasn't the most easygoing when it came to dating, but recently I've started to realize after a conversation with a friend who was brutally honest, my standards are way too high, but I don't know how or if I should even lower them. I'm 5'9, so I'd prefer a man taller than that, preferably over six feet. I work in a very lucrative field and I actually have two jobs,

so I'd prefer a man make equal to or more money than me. Slightly less is fine if it's a potentially lucrative field or a situational dependent temporary brokeness, getting a master's degree or PhD in a good field, for example, but still being financial literate. I would also like him to be largely on board with all of my political views, have the same non-religious beliefs, be reasonable fit and in shape. I am too, need a gym buddy, and of course be attractive to me physically. That includes having hair. Root. I'd like to encourage my, I'd like him to encourage my hobbies and not get jealous when I'm out with my friends and be a worldly well-traveled individual. I'm also child-free, so I'm not having any children,

and I would want them to not have or want kids as well. This is where it gets tricky. I'd also prefer that he'd not be addicted to adult movies, gambling slash sports betting, video games, alcohol, or any sort of drugs. Additionally, I'd like him to be open to the idea of waiting at least a year before being intimate, and potentially sleeping in separate beds and rooms or houses. My friend told me I'm not looking for a man. I'm looking for a mannequin, or or fantasy world and I lost it. Are my expectations really that I'm realistic? I love this question because they do very, like, very well.

Like, it's a very good job in making it steadily worse and worse and worse. Like, they don't hit you with a really bad one off the top. They're like, it's reasonable enough. It's, you know, kind of douchey. It's okay. And then you're just like, yeah, okay, no. I assume the sleeping in separate beds houses is also just for that year. Or in general.

I guess it's unclear. I would love, because I've seen people do this on TikTok where they like run the stats of like, oh, there are X amount of people over X height who also are this, who also, you know, because I'm going to guess that this is in the point zero, zero some things of men. And like some of it is like the,

they need to be attractive to me. That means hair. That's crazy. No person without hair is attractive to you. That's a wild generalization. Like there are women, with no hair who are attractive to me. And like, that's a far less socially acceptable thing.

And you're out here just being like, no baldies. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's, look, I get everyone is into something. And I get that, you know, if that doesn't do it for you, that's fine or whatever. It's weird. It's weird. I've never understood it in the sense of like, I've never understood people who are like,

I'm only into blondes. I'm only into redheads. I'm only absolutely unhinged. It's why would you like, you. It makes no sense to me. Maybe your particular weakness is you see a redhead. Sure. But like to only be into a certain type of hair, especially what people could dye their hair, bro.

Like, are you suddenly like, it's all like object permanence where someone dies their hair and you're like, huh? Stacey exists. Like, what's going on? My partner was blonde when I met her. And she has since gone to her natural hair color, which is brunette. And now you hate her. And now I don't even know who she is, man. And there's just a woman at my house.

I don't know. I don't know what she did with her. Yeah. Anybody with like those rigid like really rigid like not even preferences but just like hard lines. It curses me out. And again, you start getting into like race as well. For sure.

People are like I only date Asians. I'm like, yeah, I only date Latinos. Yeah. It's so fucking weird. And also you're just doing yourself at a service because like there's a whole world out there. But anyway, you go fucking ruin your life. I don't give a shit. Great advice from a person who gets.

advice. You suck. This is a wild thing to want. And it gets worse and worse and worse and worse. And you have to understand that you're being completely unreasonable. But I would love to challenge some of them. Like the bald thing. Really?

Not a single bald person is attractive to you. That's weird. Right? It begins to feel like you're assigning merit to hair in like, oh, it's healthier or it's, like, you're putting value on it because I cannot imagine you aren't looking at like someone who doesn't have hair and being like, you know, there's some, fucking super hotball guys out there. Look at day.

I mean, you're telling me you don't find fucking, uh, uh, Bruce Willis. Uh, yeah, Bruce Willis.

fucking, uh, the Ross and Jason Statham sometimes, uh, Tate Diggs. Who the fuck's Tate Diggs? Tate Diggs is, um,

uh, Vin Diesel. I mean, Tid Diggs is like one of the most attractive men, I think, like in the world. He's just a, he's just a handsome man.

Like, and I'm saying this, not really keeping up on what Tay Diggs is up to. So if Tay Diggs is done some shit. And that's the thing. It's like, does this, if someone can have hair, but has their hair shaved, do you care? Like, what about fucking your man from Magic Mike?

He shaved his head. Yeah, Channing Tatum. Yeah. Did you already say Chang Tadam? No. But I mean, I also wonder if there's like a, if there's like a racial thing in there as well because like, maybe.

A lot of black men also like have like shaved their heads. Like maybe. Is that like their way of like side? stepping like, oh, yeah. It just, it feels like you're putting so many values on things that shouldn't have values. And like, again, it's weird to me as someone like, I don't have rigid, like, I won't date a girl with short hair. I won't date a girl with tattoo. Like, I don't fucking care. So it's really weird to me. And the, the, like, wage thing, you're working two jobs and they're in a good field. Why do you need someone to make more money than you?

Yes. And also, like, if the field you're working in is so lucrative, why are you working two jobs? Exactly. But even then, it's like if you have bank, unless you're worried that someone's going to come date you for the money, which usually isn't a fear women have to have, like what is it about it? Is it again, it feels like you're putting a value on it like, oh, you're lesser if someone isn't making more than you or something, like, which again, you've slotted to these weird traditional roles and like it just feels harmful. I'm also going to imagine if these are kind of your like non-negotiables, you're probably right way, right? You don't want to have sex. You don't want. you know, to live together. You don't want whatever. You do want people who are taller and and make more money than you and all the shit. I guess there is the non-religious part. But it's, yeah, it's tough to say what she is. Because like she does say she's non-religious and child free, which tend to go against traditional. But everything else kind of goes towards into it. And it's like you, you want like a kind man. And I'm like, you want to, Hey, let me tell you. Not once did she say she wants a kind man. Did she not say something like that?

Like the values or something? Am I crazy? Not once. She actually does not even mention other than like when we talk about values, all she says is like, you pretty much have to agree with me entirely is roughly her values. She doesn't ever say she wants an empathetic person, a kind person, a giving person. She doesn't, none of those things matter to her. Maybe I just self-inserted that.

She just needs you to believe exactly what she believes both politically and religiously. She needs you to want the same things. she wants you to travel the same places. Like that's what she wants. Okay, well, if you're not looking for a nice person, you could probably find some of these. But why would you want that? Here's where I get hung up.

And here's where it really does it for me. She says, I'd like him to encourage my hobbies and not get jealous when I met with friends. Okay, that's being nice. Sure. But then she says, I'd also like him to not be addicted to adult movies, gambling, sports, video games, alcohol, or any sort of drugs.

I agree. Addictive. That's the thing. Yes. I would love to know what addicted means in this case, because I'm going to guess it doesn't drink, doesn't play video games. Doesn't look at porn.

Yeah. Because like, look, I agree. Do I want someone who's addicted to gambling? No. Do I want someone that's addicted to drugs and is an alcoholic? No, I don't want to date that.

Even video games. You know, if you're addicted, like if it's like 24-7 can't get off harmful to your health. Yeah, sure. Is it just someone who plays video games, in which case, you know.

Yeah. Is it someone who says, hey, I just worked 10 hours. at my two jobs. I'm going to come home and play two hours of God of war before I get sleepy. Dead to me. Is that like, is or, because it seems like, what are your hobbies? Yeah. And why are they okay? What do you do? What is he supposed to encourage? And when you're out with friends, are you drinking? Well, maybe not given the question. But also, I could see this

person being a hypocrite. I don't know. Look, I think the facts remain. You are, you want the perfect man. And like perfect in a lot of ways. Like for everybody. Some of the, some of the, are tailored specifically to you, but really who doesn't want a guy who's super tall and super fed and super rich and agrees with you in every single way. Like, yeah, that's, you want rom-com boyfriend. You want like, but not rom-com boyfriend. Rom-com boyfriend is the exact opposite of you. Sure. That's rom-combe. I mean, you want bad rom-com. You want like the guy with fairy leaves for the quirky man. Yeah. This is the guy who you leave at home when you go to the small town to fix your dad's failing Christmas street business.

The fun thing about this is you're allowed to have these preferences. No one's going to stop you. I just don't think you should. I don't think it's good for you. But that's fine. You're allowed make yourself miserable if you want to. Because clearly this hasn't been working. And you should be able to rationalize why this may not work going forward

because you're looking for so many specific things that the majority of people are immediately out of reach. And that leaves the remainders, at which point by the time you get past the first eight hurdles, it's very likely that number nine or 10 or 11, you know, doesn't match where you're at. You're wasting time. You're getting frustrated. Or then you start to make allowances. And those allowances are often going to be in other areas. If someone has good money, is tall, is fit, hates Jesus and also doesn't mind sleeping in a separate bed, but he's a piece of shit.

Are you going to be like, well, that wasn't on my list? Yeah. I mean, that's it, right? the the things that like you have chosen as non-negotiables and absolutely like these are the things I need they're so superficial and are all things that for the most part can change other than the height men can lose their hair men can lose your life what if he gets hurt and can't go to the gym and he has to like he puts on a little bit of weight yeah he loses his hair his metabolism slows down or his intense career like or he gets fucking injured that's what I mean yeah right like he he hurts sorry you didn't say that I don't know why I said it as if it hadn't been said. I just like, um, you know, he loses his job. The,

the economy's fucked right now. So all of a sudden, his lucrative field isn't lucrative anymore. He's in AI and then the bubble pops. He's like, ah, shit, it was bad this whole time. Like, does, at that point in time, does he, does he become a trash person to you? Yes. Like, do you stop loving him because he doesn't meet those things anymore? Does all of a sudden, is, if his hair lorne starts thinning, is the person you want to build your life with, no longer that person because if that's the case, if your love is so dependent on things that are so transient and temporary, then you're looking for the wrong things in people. If those are the things that will guarantee love, you don't love that person and you're a bad person, I think,

in my personal opinion. Because like the things I look for on a partner are all things that I think are pretty core to their being. I'm not looking for, you know, this weight, this height, this hair type, this whatever, because all those things can change. Yeah. And if I, if they do change, I shouldn't get shitty about it. And I shouldn't not love them or I shouldn't think them less of a viable partner because they put away where they dye their hair. If something like that was important to you, why would you want to put yourself in a position

where like, oh, no, now I don't love them. And I'm in this awkward position. Like, it's insane to me that you would want to put yourself in so tenuous a position. And do you want to say out loud to someone that you say that you love and you have built the life with, hey, you've lost your hair, so I no longer love you. Do you think that makes you a good person? Do you think that is a place in which you are lovable? Yeah. Like, imagine a movie. If anybody in a movie did that, everyone would be like, whoa, what a trash person. They're the bad guy. Yeah. Then when a train hits them later on the movie, people would cheer. People would be like,

yes, good. If it was on Love is Blind or something, they would be the villain of that season. Surely you can extrapolate and be like, oh, all the things people would say a bad person would do, those are the things that I do. So do yourself a favor and open up your metrics. Or don't, but like you're not going to meet success or you will vary sparingly and often with like concessions. Because the odds of finding literally the perfect man. Yeah. And I think you just need to like really evaluate what is important to you. And at the end of the day, who is going to make you happy?

and if you think that six feet is going to make you happy, if that's what's going to make you happy, then yeah, fucking toss, toss all need of kindness, compassion, caring, throw that all out the window. Fuck it,

who cares. I'm sure you can find an asshole who makes a lot of money who's tall and has a head of hair. I'm sure that's a very easy. I'm sure you can find a guy who the only thing he wants to do is, you know, go fishing and golfing with his boys

and drink one Mikkelop Ultra a day so that he can maintain his perfect six-pack. Great. You've done it. Even that. And he'll never spend any time with you because you want to live in separate houses and travel the world alone. It's like, what do you? Okay.

It's fine. It feels like you want a trophy husband. And I mean that in the pure sense of the word, we're like, you want to be like, look, I, like, it's almost for other people and not for you. Right? Where you can be like, oh, here's his stat sheet. Like he's, it's like a Pokemon card to you, right? Like, oh, he's got really strong attack. He's super rare.

Look at the rarity. He's shiny. Anyway, I don't need to take him out of his foil packet because I don't want him to lose value because his value is my value. Yeah. You've got to find yourself an EX Hollow boyfriend. Yeah. One edition.

It's been beautiful. It's been beautiful. Unlike that last question. Thanks for coming along. Guys, there's a thing that you've been tasked to do today. And it is to find us on whatever social media you do not currently follow us on and follow us there. And then give us a like or two.

On top of that. And if you follow us on all of them, you have to create your own new social media platform. It's true. Yeah. And the only accounts that are allowed are us and you. And you follow us and we'll follow you and there it is. Exactly. But some of you, there's probably like, are we on Red Bubble?

Is that the one? The one from China? Isn't that a porn site? Ooh, I think you're thinking Red Tube. I am thinking Red Tube, yes. You put us on Red Tube, guys. Post about us on Red Tube. You know, hey, we said we put ourselves on Pornhub and we haven't done it yet.

So we got it. I looked into it. There's a lot of legal stuff we got to do. I hate that. Apparently you have to verify your identity so you don't upload fake porn. Fucking gobshites. Look, guys, you need to follow us on Patreon enough so that we have the money to hire a lawyer to get us onto Porn Hub. But yeah, there are some ways.

I'm always like, I look at Porn Hub sometimes and I see the world's shittiest quality. And I'm like, you went through a lot of work to put this out. You went through a lot of online forums and ID verification to put up this six-sacings. and grainy clip of the bed sheets. Hey, you know what? Hustlers got a hustle. But yeah, follow us, like us, subscribe to us. We got YouTube, review us on Apple podcast, review us on Spotify. There's little like five stars. Anything you do helps get us out there, helps us rise up in the ranks, helps us be, you know, prominent, find new listeners. And the more listeners, the more we can do this. So please help your two little boys out. Help your little brothers out.

Your little brothers. For just your two little brothers. Just treat us like your little brothers. Dane's like you may not see this But he's got one of those hats with a propeller on the top And he's got a I've got a ludicrously large lollipop This whole time The amount of editing he's had to do To get those mouth sounds out and I said Dane Don't you want to just wait until after

Because you're creating all this work for yourself And he said fuck you Nile And he told mom He shot him with a slingshot Yeah he told mom Skateported away Now I'm grounded Bung and they nuggy the shit out of him later

No I don't have any hair Ready for some bad sex writing Yeah When she'd stop crying. Madeline composed herself before the mirror. Her skin looked blotchy. Her breasts, of which she was not normally proud, had withdrawn into themselves as if depressed. My favorite, and I know we've talked about this before, but my favorite thing that writers do is allow boobs to be mood rings, where they exhibit the emotion of just being like,

well, I'm sad, so there go my boobs. Do you think these writers have just never seen boobs ever? I mean, they've probably seen them, but again, the lack of object permanence where it's like they see one woman's boobs and then they turn around and they see another woman's boobs and like, whoa, where'd they go? Or, whoa, there they are. They're even bigger now. Or do you think when they see boobs, they've already, like, you know, she takes her top off and he's like, oh, you're really depressed. She's like, what? You're they're retreating within themselves. You must be said. Yeah. Right. Did they genuinely like prescribe emotions onto boobs every time they see them? Or. Or is it just like, I don't know, whatever, Yolo, maybe this is how it works. Because, like, when I'm writing, I try to be like, oh, shit, like, is this how a forensic pathologist would do this crime scene? But these people are just like, I don't know, boobs can do emotions.

Booboops sad now. But now they're published. They're making money. And, like, I'm freaking out about things that are important, like, to me important, but compared to boobs's emotions, I can say whatever the fuck I want. Yeah. Well, look, if the forensic pathologist isn't inquisitively jiggling her titic. She closed her eyes and her, her nipples led her across the room reacting with a quiver to any, you know, evidence.

A dozen rod of truth. Oh, shit. Hold on. I got to read that down. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm now Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies. Wow.