F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Divorce Encouragers

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

Before you marry that man you literally just met, please know that you have our full and enthusiastic support to divorce him.

Hello friends. My name is Dane Miller. Hey there, friends. My name's Nile Spain. Hello, friends. We're your fuck buddies. Where are sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy, sexy, sticky situations, and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. It's simple. We find them either here or rowing the wilds of the internet, the questions, that is, and we answer them right here right now for you, to you with you, because of you. I've been watching silo. I just started watching silo. Right now, I'm feeling very, I feel like I'm calming right now. We can't do another bones episode. I can do whatever I want

I just Common is in it And he's always he's always like I don't know I feel very common right now I prefer rare Not like common as in Easily accessible

Not common as in half of the podcast That isn't Dane But common as in Yeah common as in The rapper turd actor Mm-hmm The assassin from John Wick Correct

He wasn't John Wick Two I believe Any actors I'm so good Yeah That's because he's not just an actor Yeah it's also It's true.

Hip hop legend. How is 20206 treating you so far? Because guess what? It's a whole new year. So far is so good. I mean, I don't think we can get too excited. We've already released an episode. The New Year is old.

We don't care about that anymore. In this day and age of instant gratification. Yeah. 2026 we're bored of. We're pushing 2027 up. Happy New Year. 11 months. And New Year is on January 31st now.

Happy New Year. Yeah. So I'd say it. So we've already said it. But that wasn't 2025. If there's one thing we don't do on our podcast, it's say the same thing. We would never do that. We would never do that.

Every question so distinct. Never repeat the same advice in that question. It's a pity that you're sick of New Year because some of my questions pertain to it, but we're going to talk about how do people even meet their partners? Letting my husband come in my mouth, but I can't do it. My fiancé lied about being a vegetarian for two years. How do I have sex? Finally, we get to it.

We did it. How do people even meet their partners? This is by DeLulu is the Solulu. I've decided to 2026 is the year I'm going to get engaged. Problem is, I'm single. Turning 29 in the month and I've been through university twice and haven't met anyone. There's no one at work. And my circle of friends isn't a very big circle.

It's the only solution dating apps? I don't really want to waste my time while it feels like online shopping for a husband. When most people do it on the apps aren't serious. I don't do if, buts and maybes. I do absolutes. question is, do I just suck it up and try the apps? Or I wear a hat or something that says, I'm single instead of coffee shops and just wait. Or like, what do I do?

Because I'm going to be engaged this year. I just need to find my husband. Boy, I thought this was going to be a different question in terms of we'll talk about it is. Yes. As you get older and in this world of online communication, it's hard to meet new people. That would be repeating ourselves. We've done that question. This is some fresh new shit.

It's hot. Hot off the market, bro. Fresh shit. Scoop it. is back. Don't say that out loud to me

ever. You, look, the idea that you have decided that you're going to be engaged by the end of the year is troubling

for a number of reasons. Number one, that means you have less than, I would say, probably about 11 months to get to know someone before getting engaged them, which I think is incredibly fast.

Two, you don't know someone after 11 months. The reality of it is if you're that dead set on it, you're probably going to do it before 11 months, which means you're going to do it faster than you could possibly know someone. So let's just get that out of the way. I think if you're getting engaged to someone where when you're talking about absolutes and you're

talking about you don't do if, buts and maybes, uh, hey, guess what? The easiest way to break that is by marrying someone after knowing them for less than a year and then realizing that you guys aren't a good fit for any number of reasons and then having to get divorced. Or alternatively, living miserably for the rest of your life because that seems to be your two options, right? So the point of getting married is to spend time or to be like intimately linked to the person that you love.

It's not, there's no benefit of being married outside of being with the person that you love and want to like dedicate and commit yourself to. So it's like they could have incredible health insurance. Yeah, taxes and I guess if you want them to die so you can take their money. Shitty, you know, shitty options. Yeah.

But the main one, is that. So it's like, what's the benefit of being married? Are you, is your life that sad that you think you need this social chip on your shoulder to be able to like feel worthwhile? Because therapy and or finding other outlets for that. Are you just socialized to think that that's all your worth? Because therapy and or find a better outlet for that. Are you just so lonely? Because guess what? You could be not lonely and not engaged. Or you could be engaged and be very lonely because maybe you rushed it and took less than a year and then you got engaged to someone who sucked shit because you care more about the title than the person and the situation.

The like just the door that you're opening is so bad because one as now kind of touched on there is like you open yourself up to the worst kind of people, right? If your whole vibe and I assume you're not going to have the chill to not say that you're going to be engaged by the end of the year to every man that you meet is. She doesn't do if sputs or maybes. So all takes is one dude who's a piece. of shit who is like, oh, all I have to do is be very charming for X amount of time. I'm going to marry this woman. And then, like, I can abuse her. I can take advantage of her. I can take

it for half her money once we get divorced. I can whatever, right? Now that she's tied to me in a way that's going to be incredibly taxing both like socially, emotionally, monetarily. I can get away with a lot more. Great. And I'm not saying that everyone is out to get you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just saying that you have, we, I talk a lot about building foundations. I talk a lot about having a strong foundation for a relationship and just for like life in general. Yeah, like Dan's background and construction shines through every episode. He's talking to Joyce. He's talking about big glue. Big glue, man. Those are the two things you know about construction, Joyce and big glue, which I assume you mean like the corporations that make glue. And not that, not a novelty side.

thing of glue. I don't think they make houses using novelty sized tons of glue. What do you think of me, dang? Big glue holding the house together. Well, what else could it be is my only, you know, just think about logically. What I'm saying is your basis, your foundation,

again, as Nell said, to spend the rest of your life ideally with the person that you love is to choose the end goal and worry about none of the important things. It's like saying like, you know, by the end of this year, I want to write a novel and then go and like open

a publishing company. And it's like, great, you have a publishing company. Fantastic. You still don't have a fucking book. You don't have a single idea on paper. You don't even have a concept of idea because you don't even, you've mentioned like nothing about like what kind of relationship you want. You don't, you just seem to be engaged. That's what you want. Engaged. It's like it's like, it's like saying you want to write a novel starting, realizing it's hard and only getting like two chapters in. And then it's the end of the year and you go, well, I'll just blindfold myself and type and then I'll stop when I hit 80,000 words. And then you do. And guess what? You're an novel's a piece of trash. It's an absolute piece of trash. You got a laughed out of the

fucking room and you've wasted your time. And then you're stuck because the publisher's not going to want to work with you. So you also have this like weird hang up about the apps, which look, I understand. The apps can be challenging, especially for women. I met my partner on the apps, bro. I also met my partner on the apps. We met our partners on the apps, bro. It's like, look, do the apps mean you're going to get a beautiful relationship? No. Do they mean you're going to only find people who want to hook up? No. It's kind of what you do with it, right? Are there going to be people who want to? Yes. Are there going to be people that don't want to or are open to more? Also, yes. It's just another avenue. Yeah, it's about going to going to go into, like, the apps,

I know this is kind of like we're going to start talking about app etiquette now, but the apps are sort of what you put into it. And if you go in and your profile is, I'm going to be married by the end of this year, Or I'm going to be engaged by the end of this year. You are going to get no response or you're going to get the crazy response. And I just, I want to jump off what you're saying right now because I meant to say it earlier. You're not going to find a normal person who's going to get engaged with you this year. Because that's not what a normal person would do. So you're going to get someone who either has bad intentions, is really insecure, is really desperate, controlling, delusional.

Like, you're not going to get a normal person because that's not normal. And I want to like, I want to throw in the, the. usual sort of disclaimer of like, I'm sure that there are people who have met and been engaged within a year who love each other and have had a successful relationship and gotten married and whatever. But

I would wager strongly that they both didn't start their year saying, I'm going to get engaged. It was probably a special perfect storm of circumstances and genuine affection and love and attention that probably got them there. People have been got shot in the head and

survived. That doesn't mean you should shoot yourself on the head. I just don't want people, you know, who, who have had, have done this. It's like, it happening. There are exceptions to every rule. However, I would wager a lot of what I own on the high majority of people who would be willing to get engaged to you in 11 months is not going to be normal, well-adjusted good partners. Or the relationship isn't going to be good. Because the relationship, same thing, really. Because ideally, like, so what you would have, like, want to do is like within a year you're going to hopefully move in together because i don't think you should marry someone that you haven't lived with because that's crazy uh so you're going to move in within less than a

year and then you're going to get engaged within the year that's a lot also the honeymoon phase is by no means over at that point so if things are going well that's not even an indicator that things will continue to go well anyway look girl this is a bad call open yourself up to a relationship but don't force it because what are you getting? Like you're sacrificing the things that would stop you by forcing it. And the things that would stop you are a bad match. Right. So it's like you're, if it was going to happen, it would happen.

If it's not going to happen, you forcing it means you're sacrificing on these elements. It's like is being engaged worth it to you for that? And if so, why? Because what could be worth tying yourself to someone you don't want to be with? That sounds like a nightmare. And think about the flip side of stuff. Think about all the dudes who are going to bars. with the sole, like, goal to get laid.

Think about all the dudes who get on the apps whose only goal is to get laid. And think about how many of them, one, are so fucking transparent and obvious as to what they're doing that is so off-putting. And think about how many of them fail because of that. So to go in with the energy of, like,

anytime anyone goes in with the energy, especially when it comes to relationships, of I'm going to do this, I'm going to get a girlfriend. You're going to scare everyone away who might actually be interested in you. And as we've talked about before, it's like you're going to get people

who aren't probably the cream of the crop. And do you really want to go with someone who is so desperate that this is their chance? Yeah. Right? Like, is that what you want? Exactly. And if it is, I think you have to really,

really evaluate what is important to you and what your priorities are and why getting engaged is such a crucial thing for you to do this year. Because I promise you, once you peel back all the, layers, you're going to be like, oh, insecurity, oh, abandonment issues. Oh, like, all this stuff that needs to be dealt with. I want to make that one social media post with my ring so that the girls I went to

high school with think I'm worthwhile. They don't give a shit and neither should you. Yeah, especially when you're like, here's this guy I met 11 months ago. Here's Dusty Daniel. Because, hey, look, I know someone who got engaged. I believe within like three months. And no one that I know who also knew this person talked about how cool that was. There was, there was conversations about that engagement. Probably like, oh no. Are they okay? This is bad. Yes. So that's what the girls from high school are going to say. Yeah. That's the thing. So that's the point I'm trying to make is that no one, if you're doing this for outside perspective, if you're doing this because you're worried that you are X years old and you're not engaged and people are going to judge you for that, people are going to judge you

so much worse if it is obvious that you're just marrying the first slub who would throw a ring on your finger. Also, and like, I don't want to make anybody who has gotten divorce feel bad, but like there is something

kind of embarrassing about getting married and then immediately getting divorced. I've seen it happen. Especially when it's so like fucking shotgun, right? Like, it's one thing to like, you know, you've tried it a couple of years, it didn't work, you go your own way,

whatever. That's fine. We support divorce here massive. We are divorce and encourageners. We are encouragingers of the divorce. We're pro-divorce. But it is, there is something to be said if you are getting married and divorced with like in the same year because you didn't take the fucking time to make smart decisions. Yes.

So just really reevaluate why you're tying yourself worth to getting engaged because like that's not the point. The point isn't the engagement. The point is the partner. And if you can't see that, you're judging shit so fucked up that, like, you need to reevaluate. Yeah. And it goes for all relationships. Like, if you're just, if you're like, this is the year, I'm going to get a boyfriend. No, don't do the head.

Please. Like, I understand that, like, if you're, it's a much different vibe if you have done some work, you've gone to therapy. And you're like, you know what? This year, I'm actually open to dating. Being open. Completely different. Very different thing.

And we love it. That's great. We're happy for that kind of stuff. If you're like, oh, this year, if I find someone I like, I would be considered, like, I would consider getting into a relationship with them. Whereas like, there are many years in my life where I was like, I'm happy to date and I want to date. But if, if something gets a little too serious, I'm going to have to have a conversation and we'll probably have to break it off unless they're cool with maintaining the status quo, what we're doing. And that's fine too. But to decide the end goal before you have any of the other pieces in play is is nuts.

I think somebody commented on, I think it was this post. I'm not going to open it and try to find it. But they said something like forcing a relationship or a marriage is like forcing a fart. It'll probably end up shit. Yeah. Pretty good. It's pretty good. This is from amazing tension.

I want my husband to come in my, now they did write moth. Whoa. Okay, a whole different question. The moth can't consent. But it is mouth. But I can't do it. I also couldn't do it. If his little mothy face is looking at me, is he wants to,

those like furry ones. In my past, I never liked to give my husband oral, felt like a chore, and never ever allowed him to come in my mouth. I find cum disgusting. I recently discovered that I enjoy coming using a toy on my clit while sucking my husband's dick, hearing him moan and beg to explode in my mouth while I feel his erection in my mouth really does it for me. He knows he is not allowed to come in my mouth, but sometimes our sex gets so hot and I'm

still fucking turned on that I think, fuck it. And I want him to force him to flood my mouth as I come with him. But I'm not able to bring my mouth. myself to do it. Any tips on how to overcome the disgust? I think our sex will be much hotter if I find a way. There's a lot here because it's like, I don't want to do it, but I do, but not enough to want to. So I think that's, that's kind of what I want to talk about because I don't know about you, but sometimes in the heat of the moment, I say things that I don't necessarily want to follow through with. For example, if I'm being particularly dominant, sometimes I will talk about fucking someone in the ass. as a as a like

I don't want to say potential threat but like a like the next step like you know keep doing it and like either I will as a reward or as a but I don't really like anal sex it's not really my thing but in the heat of the moment it seems like the natural evolution

of like what we're up to and what we're doing the next step yeah sure but like when it all calms down I'm like uh oh I'm gonna have to have a conversation about this demon Dane yeah that was that was sex brain Dane who knew you would find that hot and get into it and like that idea. And I like the idea of you liking it. So I said it.

But now I do have to have the conversation and being like, I don't really like anal. And there is that conversation of, of, you know, if you're really into it, we'll give it a shot and see what happens. But I do think that like this is kind of what's happening. I think like in, in a heat of moment. A key difference because she's not saying it. Because when you say it, I don't think you believe it. You're saying it, but you know full well that that's not your like goal. And in the heat of the moment for me, you do believe it? I do kind of think like, oh, it would kind of be hot if I do that. But I think about it.

Like once everything is calmed down, I do think about like, no, I don't want to do that. Okay. So maybe there's not as much. But for me, it felt more like she's not having a conversation out loud with him. She's having it in their own head to herself. Yes. And then not getting there. So I just want to say a couple things.

One, if you really wanted it, I don't know that you would get to the point of still not being able to do it. So maybe just reevaluevaly. wait how much you do actually want it in the moment because you're saying it would be really hot but i don't want to so if you don't want to that's fine it feels like you guys are okay not wanting it um i do feel like you have a weird hang up on head in general just being like i don't like it and i didn't allow him and it just like it feels like you're so negative about it and now you only seem to have flipped to switch because your pleasure is involved in it and i don't know enough to comment on that but it does seem kind of negative to me that kind of sucks i also wonder if like how much

where you, like, you said, oh, I never liked to do it before because it felt like a chore, which, but like, how much, like, were you actually do it? Like, was that the mindset you were going in with? Because, yeah, if you, like, if I start any sort of task and I'm like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I'm not going to, like, it's going to be 10 times worse because of that. Yeah. For you and now that you've, like, you're talking about, oh, I like feeling his erection in my mouth growing and I like this and I like that. It's like, well, it does seem like you do enjoy like performing oral sex. It just seems like a mind shift and a change of.

That's what confused me. It's like now that you're using a toy on yourself, you're suddenly fine with it. Like I don't know what's happened here. And it does feel like there's a mental thing you need to either explain better to us or figure out yourself. But like that's fine. I'm just saying you don't have to do it. If you are really this hung up,

you don't have to do it. Because like short of having him come in your hand and you like take it, little taste. You can't have him like come a little bit in your mouth and see how it is. It's going to be all or nothing, right? So it's like, yeah. I don't know if you want to have him come on you somewhere like your chest or your face or in your hand and then like maybe lick it off your hand or do something because that's pretty much the only way to test the water short of being waterboarded with calm. But I think this is the this is the move, right? Like I think if your idea is to sort of like immersion therapy. be your way out of your disgust of come. I don't think in your mouth the first time is the way to do it. I think Nile is correct. That's the most amount in the most violent, like, immediate, inescapable way. And it's like if you.

Yeah, and like the least, like it's overwhelmed. Yes. If you get overwhelmed or throw up or like going, that's awful. Like that's not a good scenario for you or them. So take it, take a chill. Have them come on your tips and then use a hand and have a little sample. I mean, I don't even know if you need to. do that. Like, if you're, depending on

how bad your aversion to it is, I think like maybe just start with having him, like now said, like finish on your chest or somewhere and like, just see if even if being on you is. If that is enough, right? And then be like, hey, okay, we're going to take this as when. Step one. I'm not freaking

out. Boom. I, yeah, it's on here. I'm not running to the washroom to shower off or towel off or whatever. But I think what you need to do is have a conversation also ahead of time. Be like, I would hope at this point in time he knows your distaste for cum and be able to be like, hey, so lately, I've been thinking it'd be kind of hot if you came in my mouth, but I'm really worried that if you do, I'm going to gag or something,

and I don't want you to feel bad about that. It's not your come. That's the problem. It's just, the idea of it, it's, I don't like it. And it's, it has nothing to do with you. Because then, one, you, you offset the hopes of like, as now said, like making someone feel like, there would be no worse feeling than someone's like, gross, disgusting. that. Yeah, because like, it's hard not to take that personally. So it'd be nice to at least have that like layer and that initial once again foundation of of communication. Get that big glue. What is come but big glue? What is come if not big glue? And two, I think what you should do is also have your like emergency kit as well. So have a towel. Have a warm like wet towel. Have if if that's how bad it is. Yeah. No. Maybe right. Like have a garbage can. your body. Have a towel. Have a big glass of water. If you do finally decide to have like a little sweet treat like a little candy or something to get it out of your mouth if you like don't just go into this and be like, I want to do it, but I absolutely hate it. But it'll be fine because it probably won't be.

And honestly, if it's that bad, maybe don't even have him come on you first. Have him like come on his stomach or whatever and then like dip a finger. Like genuinely, if you're that adverse to it, there are ways short, like that you don't have to dive fully in the deep end here, right? So keep the communication open. Don't like, don't try to do anything in the moment in terms of like if he is basing himself off, don't come in mouth protocol and you have a mouthful of cock. It's going to be really hard for you to explain to him. Actually, you know, this time I actually do want you to comment.

Like, if you feel like you're ready for that point, maybe have either like a safe word, a hand signal or like if you feel yourself getting. getting to that point, disengage, say it to him. But again, you need to be like ready. So I think having that conversation prior to the head is a good thing. And building up to it if you are this adverse is a good thing. Because like you don't want to, you know, write a check that your body only thinks it wants to cash because it's horny. Yeah. Yeah. So 100%. Work your way up. Be communicative. Do your best prep so that you don't again cause a really embarrassing, upsetting situation. And again, if you're not into it, don't force yourself. Yeah. I mean, I used to

hook up with someone who like way back at the beginning of like when I first started having sex um there was a woman who was like hey I hate come I was like cool that's like you know we'll work around that like just let me know what I need to do to avoid this and it's and we'll be we'll be good um and she had like a little like emergency cum kit in her bedside table where it's like she had like wet wipes she had a couple candies she had you know and she was just like ready to go if it ever happened. I was like, that's smart.

You're taking care of, you've got your thing. You're ready to go. And I was like, I understand it like, it kind of sucks being like, I hate that you need this because hopefully, you know,

presumably you've had the conversation. Like, we were using condoms of protection and like, so I was like, I would have to be a pretty giant asshole for you to require these things. Yeah, but one,

pull out and take my condom off and ejaculate all over you. Or after you've told me you don't like, um, while you're giving me a blow job, just like, ha ha, just kidding.

But like, know, if she's giving someone a hand job or something, like, I'm sure things can happen. So, better safe, you know, you got this. Uh, this is my fiancee lied about being a vegetarian for two years. They're both 26, both female, uh, tarre meat, meat fiancee. We've known each other for five years, engaged for six months, but we've known each other since we were like six. Recently, I ran into a mutual friend of my fiancee and I. We ended up talking about a dinner. They went to a couple weeks back, a week, a couple weeks back. I ended up finding out I was invited to the dinner, but my fiance never told me. Apparently she told the group I couldn't come because

the menu wasn't vegetarian friendly. She never told me about the dinner and I was free that night. When I got home, I asked my fiance about it and she broke down and told me she hadn't been a vegetarian for two years and was hiding it from me because she was worried my parents would start to hate her. My parents have made a couple pointed comments about my sister-in-law who was not vegetarian, some of which are about her not being vegetarian, but their comments are because they hate her. And they use her not being vegetarian is just another reason to insult her. They don't just hate non-vegetarians. I don't care if my fiance is vegetarian or not. I'm mostly vegetarian because I have certain dietary issues that make it easier to be vegetarian. Ask my

fiance why she didn't tell me. She insists it's just because of my parents, but I can't get over that answer. I can understand her wanting to hide it for my parents, but I don't get her hiding it from me. Imagine she didn't trust me enough to not tell my parents, but I also feel like I can't trust her anymore if she's willing to lie to me about something as small as this for so long. She might have lied about other things in the past. I'm staying at my brothers for the last couple of days because I don't know if I can forgive her yet. Advice on how to move forward from this. Okay.

I feel like I missed. So she was supposed to be vegetarian and she was invited to a dinner, as was he or her. They were both ladies. Both ladies? Okay. So they were both vegetarian. Like two years ago, the partner stopped being vegetarian, kept it a secret. And to maintain that secret, even though they were both invited to this dinner,

she didn't tell her partner that she was invited and she lied to everyone. Allison said that she wasn't invited but wouldn't come because it wasn't vegetarian friend. Gotcha. All to maintain this non, this vegetarian facade because she's worried about the parents.

I love, you know what's cool about these parents? Is that like, like, oh, our daughter's gay, marrying a woman? Fuck it. Don't give a shit.

Eats meat though? Fuck this bitch. Well, no, apparently they just hate her and the vegetarianism is just a arrow in their quiver, which is like, look,

I can be a hater sometimes. But you got to be a real hater, right? It said or like sisters, fiance. They don't like her sister's fiance? Yeah. Partner or whatever. Yeah.

Okay. Like, if you're going to hate hate for a reason, like if you hate someone, but then you're like, I don't know, I'm going to mock the fact that they're not vegetarian. It's like, why do you hate them then? If you don't have enough reasons to hate them and you have to make up, like stick to your guns. Be chill with them being a non-vegetarian and hate them for the fact that they fucking suck. Like, I don't understand.

It's like if I had a friend or if I knew someone I didn't like and they did D&D, but I like D&D, I wouldn't just be like, this fucking nerd plays D&D. because I don't like them. So maybe the parents suck more than you think, or maybe it's just weird. I don't know. Maybe this, this fiance sucks more than we know.

And it's just easier to give shit about not being vegetarian. I don't know. Either way, not the question. It all seems so inconsequential to be this big of a deal. Like, I understand the idea of like someone lying to you for this long about something so dumb.

But like the idea of like, like, staying with your brother because of it seems so drastic. I kind of get it. It's like it's pretty messed up to like not even bring it up to your like partner that you've been invited to a mutual friends hangout and like lie to them and then like go without their knowledge and all this shit just to facilitate this one thing. Like that's kind of fucked up. Agree. And how many other things? It's been two years. That's a conversation that happens. Right. Like I don't understand like you you have that conversation. You talk about it and then you either like figure it out or you don't. I don't know. It just seems like. They seem like they're in the middle of trying to figure it out, right? Yeah, I don't know. It just seems so like, I think it's just because like what they're lying about is so fucking dumb that I'm having a hard time.

Like if it was like, oh, they were still secretly hanging out with their like ex-husband and going on, you know, dinner dates with them. Like I would be like, yes, I get this. This makes sense. But to be like, I don't know, it's, I understand all the pieces. I just, it feels a bit. But it's funny because sometimes the fact that it is such a non-event, actually makes it worse. You know what I mean? Because if, again, they were like having this affair, I would understand the depths of the lying. But when it's just the vegetarianism, it's almost

worse where you're like, damn, it's so little, but you've gone through these like hoops. And like it's this like conspiracy at this point. And like it's just, I don't know, I would be upset to have been like lied to and manipulated to not be invited to like mutual friend hangouts. Like that's pretty fucked up to me. But on the flip side, maybe examine why your partner feels like they need to hide this from you so badly because either they're just like, you know, a lunatic or a habitual liar or maybe you're not trustworthy. Maybe you've never had their back with your parents. Maybe they genuinely feel like you're part of the problem. And I think then we could start to go, are they overreacting by doing this? Are they in the wrong? Or do you have something to fix as well?

Yeah, because I mean, like you say like, oh, well, my parents don't hate her because or they hate this other person because they're not a vegetarian. They hate them because they don't like them. But like, do you know that and does your partner know that? Like, does your fiance know that? And is it very obvious that's the case? Because like, if literally every time you and your fiance like hang out with your parents and all they do is shit talk this other person,

like to an extreme and the only thing they harp on is not being a vegetarian, I would start to understand why if this woman wants to slam some chicken wings every now and then, would keep it a secret. Again, especially if you don't have their back. You join in and are like, yeah, that person's a piece of

shit because they're not a vegetarian. Yeah. Also, again, back to my other point of like, if this person is hateable for whatever reason, why are they not talking about that? Why are they making up some other thing to talk? Like, if they suck, they suck. Why are you pretending it's about vegetarianism? Yeah. So, like, I now swing around of being like, maybe the vegetarian, the reason this is such a big deal is because it is actually a big deal despite the fact that you say that it's not. So are you upset That now there may be

Ammunition to use against your fiancee And you were living the sweet life That your partner was perfect And the liked one And now that potentially You are also going to be in the dog house Yeah right like and like maybe I joked about it earlier

But like maybe your parents aren't cool With the fact that you're marrying a woman And the fact that she's a vegetarian Was sort of like a Well you know at least she met a good Whatever like I don't know if it's a cultural thing or not Yeah It seems pretty cultural if

your whole family is vegetarian and they hate this one person who's not. It seems pretty ingrained in the familiar structure of who you guys are. So I don't know, it's it's weird. It is weird.

Also, why your parents still mean? This is the crux of everything, right? It's the linchpin that everyone seems to revolve around. Be liked or not. Yeah. So I think maybe like maybe you've had this conversation. It doesn't sound like you have, but like,

you got to talk to your partner and be like, I understand or try to understand where they're coming from, right? If they're like, hey, your parents are super mean. They do this bullying shit all the time. Like, I don't want to get that smoke. And it's like, that's probably pretty reasonable. Why did they not tell you? Why are they doing

this? Is it because you haven't had their back? Is it because you are untrustworthy? Is it because you jump in with like venom when this other person is mentioned? Like, these are all pretty reasonable things to extrapolate from what we know. And you don't seem to be considering them at all. Yeah. I think you need to do a hard, like,

out of body experience and and review the last couple like interactions your partner has had with your parents and especially about this like vegetarian topic and be like, hey, how did that play out and how would it look from someone who's not in the family? Like how would it look from an outsider and put her put yourself in her shoes and be like, oh yeah, no, actually we're fucking monsters. I've got mean girl parents. Yeah. Or maybe like maybe the whole family is like that.

Right? Like maybe I'm the mean girl as well when I'm with my parents. I would be, yeah, I would definitely fucking look into that. So I think you really have to reexamine that. And then in the light of that, look at how severe what they're doing was or is. Because if everything's, you know, hunky dory and they're going through all these elaborate lengths, yeah, maybe you can't trust them. But it doesn't seem like that. It seems like there's at least a foundation for them to have built this off. Yeah. Although what we don't know is every time they go see their parents, they're like, we love you. you so much. It wouldn't matter at all if you ate meat. Yeah. Turns out the meat the other person's eating is just all like rare endangered animals or human. This is from serious gur need advice. I'm a 22 year old male. This is my first time ever being in a relationship and this girl is moving pretty fast for me. He does note that he is a virgin in the tag that says virgin. Now I'm very very comfortable with a lot and I don't feel like insanely uncomfortable. But last night she asked if she could

take my blank out. Now, so the censoring is literally just two quotation marks and then like space. So it's not even blank. It's not stars. It's like quotes, nothing, quotes. What can it be? His phone? Well, maybe the next couple words will help. She asked if she could take my

blank out and suck it. I didn't say no and she did. Suck your phone. But she just kept saying how bad she wants to put it in and slash write it so bad. I don't know why, but I'm just so scared of having an STI, STD, having a kid. I do not want a kid right now. So I've been extremely cautious with her. We've been hanging out

six times now and at least three of these times have been what I described as similar. She's very warm with it and fair to me, given my inexperience. She is 23, but I don't know how to go about when I'm talked to like this. Do I tell her I want to get tests done before we do anything? I'm even scared with a condo. But if I wasn't holding back, she'd 100% just do it without a condom, I feel like, based on her horniness. She's very respectful and hasn't done anything I didn't want to do. I'm just scared. I don't know, L.O.L. I don't want to regret anything. She also told me to, quote unquote, blank into her mouth. I don't know why, but I don't like that idea. I don't want to, like, degrade her as a person. And I do that. And if I do that, it just doesn't feel right. Okay. So,

look, buddy, I'm glad you're getting some. You need to take a breath and grow up a little bit. You're allowed say the words. And you're also not degrading anybody but coming in their mouth or having sex with them or like women aren't this pure vessel that sex taints. You're not worried about degrading yourself, are you? Like that's fine. She can suck your dick and you're still fine. But if you come in her mouth, oh, she's sullied now. Like it's such a shit fucking attitude.

Sex doesn't sully women. So get that all the way fucking out of your brain because like there's inexperience and there's naivety and then there's just really shitty fucking toxic views. And that's one. Yeah. A lot of the other stuff, I get it. And I understand and I have sympathy for. that I don't because it's fucked up.

I think one of the big things for me is if you can't type out even penis. Sorry, that was the second part of me saying grow the fuck up is like you can't say the words. Yeah. If you can't type the word penis or dick or cock or whatever word you want to use to describe your genitals, then I think maybe you should have a serious look at whether or not you are ready to be sexually active at all, which it seems like you want to be. you are putting yourselves in the position to be sexually active. You know this woman wants to have sex with you or at least do sexual things with

you. And you keep seeing her. If it made you that uncomfortable, you wouldn't keep going back. So it seems like there is a part of you that would like to pursue a sexual relationship with this woman. Learn to say the fucking word. My fear is that he can't even say it in person, right?

Yeah. Because what could be easier than typing it on fucking Reddit versus in person saying like, hey, you know, and like that's not cute. It's not hot. It's not cool. No. If you can't say it. You want me to get my out?

No. Do you want me to get it out? Should I, you? Should I, should I, you? Do you want me to, you? You and then take it out on you? And where would you want me to? Yeah.

Do you want to. I think I'm going to. Or I think I'm going to. That actually works. It feels like he's, he's building up to it. And he's like, no, that's not cute, buddy. So you need to learn to do that because you need to have a conversation. And that conversation is going to include things like, you know,

hey, I, you mentioned, okay, look, we've said this before, but maybe this is your first episode. Don't have this conversation in the moment, right? She's sucking your dick. She's like, I really want to fuck you. I really want to ride you. That's not the time to be like, so I was thinking about protect. You know, that's not it because he's the moment, horny brain, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And also, if you don't have said protection at the time, it's not particularly great anyway.

So have that conversation in a, in a safe, non-horny environment of just being like, hey, you mentioned the other day that you wanted to like fuck me and like I'm a virgin as I presume she knows. I'm sorry, what? Him? Sorry. She wanted to you and your as I'm sure she knows. So tell her that you want to buy some or at least look into getting hurt.

I realized, hey, I realized that this joke is going to suck so hard for me to edit because I do use. You're going to cut out of a pause remover. So you should just clip this part take it out, throw the pause remover on everything and re-ed it back in. you have to have the conversation and just be like hey you know I'm a little nervous because it's my first time I appreciate that you've been awesome so far but I am actually down like we just need to make sure that like you know do are you on birth control I'm gonna get some condoms blah blah blah blah blah right don't do it raw straight up don't do it it doesn't matter that she would because you get a fucking choice of the matter that's an unfair thing to say it's like people can be horny and still responsible like her say that like she wants to fuck you doesn't mean that like she's so horny she's

an uncontrollable passion monster that like wouldn't it's like yeah just because dain thorny doesn't mean he's gonna fuck you in the ass it's true so like that's that's another thing but like have the conversation make sure you are responsible for your end which is getting condoms that fit you that you know how to put on properly that's the most important thing right if you rock up with condoms and put them on incorrectly it's not going to do much for you right ask her if she's on birth control talk about you know plan be talk about if the worst would happen like is she willing to have an abortion or is that totally off the table? Because that will all kind of like give you your risk assessment and like how comfortable

you are. Because again, there's no 1,000% effectiveness. There are, it can be managed incredibly well by doing things responsibly. But, you know, you're always going to have to live with like an element of risk. And there's absolutely no harm if she's sexually active asking her to get tested. Yeah, this is it, right? Like I understand that there is a, especially for men and young men, there's, there's, this fear that if you do X, Y, or Z, they're going to not want to have sex with you. And now you've

lost your chance to have sex. Yeah. But you need to still do the things that are important and safe for you. And if you have this conversation with her and you say, hey, I hear my hangups with sex. I really want to make sure we're safe. I want to make sure, like, I do not want children right now. And I want, you know, I don't want to, I catch a disease or an infection. So safe sex is really, really important to me. And if she's like, ew, I only do it raw because I'm a horny girl. I'm so horny that I'm only doing it raw. I do it right now. Then sure, you might lose out on the sex, but like, is it worth it to put yourself in a dangerous position or whatever, like, do something you don't want to do just to have sex that you're probably not going to enjoy because you're

going to be fucking terrified of all of the things that you don't want. It makes no sense to do, right? It just doesn't, it's the same as like, you know, you being like, I'm a straight guy, but like, this guy's offering me sex. So I guess I got to do it because it's sex. Like, no, it's the exact same thing. If it's sex you don't want, whether it's because it doesn't feel safe to you or it's sex you don't want because you're not that, you know, sexual identity. It doesn't matter. It's still sex you don't want. So you're, you're welcome to say no to it. And don't feel like you're missing a chance. Right. Because again, like you're missing out. Missing a chance to have a bad thing is a good thing. So you'd be dodging a bullet. Now, I will say, please be chill when you talk about getting tested. Like, there are ways to phrase things and there are ways not to phrase things. Don't just be like, I think you have diseases. Like, that's not it.

Just be normal, be responsible. Just be like, hey, I was just wondering, like, when was the last time you got tested? And like, would you be willing to go and get a test? It would just like put me at ease. Like, I am worried about these things. I'm not worried about you. Yeah. Like, look, you're a virgin.

So the likelihood of you of contracting it. But like, I don't know if you've had your dick stuck before, but like, you can still catch STIs and STDs without ever having sex. It's still possible to get HPV. So possible to get herpes. So if you want to sort of like level the playing field being like, hey, before we have sex, let's go, let's go get tested. Just to just to make sure it'll really help take a load off my mind. It'll make me feel way more comfortable. Sorry, Dan.

Way more secure. Off your mind. Yeah. Sorry. It's just one of those things where like, if you can't. have these conversations, you shouldn't be having sex. And if you have these conversations and people get upset with you or don't want to sleep with you anymore, then that's fine because you're not with a compatible sexual partner. There are some people who will never in their entire life

think of getting tested. And that will not be the partner that you should sleep with because you think about those things. Yeah, I understand. But they tested people for the love of God. Yeah, but like if you do safe sex well, you're, you don't have to worry. Again, I'm not saying it's always going to work out, but it's like there are backups in place. There's plan B if things go catastrophically wrong. If you put a condom on properly, you are probably going to be fine. If they have birth control and apply it properly as well. I just want to assuage your fear because like do the stuff,

but know that when you're doing the stuff, you should be okay. Because once you put the stuff in place, you need to relax and be able to enjoy sex. You're like, look, if she's on birth control and you're using a condom and you want to take the extra step of pulling out when you're about to come as well, like it's overkill it it would be incredibly difficult for at least pregnancy to happen STIs and SCDs that could still happen regardless of sort of like your contraceptive methods but like if that makes you feel fine if that makes you feel secure if that means that you're

going to be able to sleep at night and not be like counting down the days and hoping she says oh you know you can't I don't really want to hook up tonight I'm on my period like I know people like that. And, you know, there were times where when I was younger, I was also like, for whatever reason, I would just be like convinced that, you know, because I, she hasn't said no to me for however long. I'm like, well, it's been, I feel like I hooked up with her last month and like she hasn't told me. Like, it's, you can get in your head about it, especially when you don't want kids. It's, it's a nerve-wracking thing. So, like, I get it. Take the precautions you need to take to, to feel good. And as now said, like, if you're doing them correctly, each additional step you take is like,

a leap and bound towards true protection, right? Like, condom and birth control, you're right and high on safety. Again, if you're doing the properly, even the condom, it's like, if you do it properly, you're going to know if something went wrong. So that's good. Like, it's not going to be a surprise. Like, if a condom fails, it's pretty obvious. So if that happens, that's plan B time.

So you just, you're good. If you do them properly, but do them properly. There are plenty of videos on the internet on how to apply condoms. And don't go to YouTube. Go to an actual sexual. or like medical website to watch and see how it's done. Also, if you put a condom on and it's too tight or too big, abort ship, maybe on your first time, it sucks because they're expensive now, but buy a couple sizes, buy a regular,

buy a large, buy an extra large. Try one on at home, right? Yes. Yeah. There's no harm with, like, because you don't want to be fumbling and awkward your first time. So get one. Try it on at home. If it's too tight or too big, get a different thing.

If it's not, at least now you know how to put it on. And then I will tell you, condo. sizes are strange. You might think like, oh, I don't have a magnum dick, but it just might be the shape works for you. So like, don't, don't just assume that certain sizes aren't going to be

beneficial to you. It's, it's kind of a crap shoot, in my opinion. It really is trial and error until you find the condom that you like, you also don't know if you have a latex allergy, which I didn't know for a long time. So, you know, get, get an

assortment. If you have friends, we're sexually active, maybe be like, yo, I need a condom. Don't tell them why. But like, then you're getting one. You can be like, okay, well, this one doesn't work. Or come to one of our fucking fan expo appearances. We'll give you a, we'll give you a condom on the house.

We're not allowed. We could do it under the table, literally. Yeah, real sneaky like. Yeah. All right. Thank you guys for coming. Oh, sorry. Thank you guys for.

No, we can't keep making this joke. I'll fucking care. I'm not editing. Brum, brum, brough. We appreciate you. Thank you for swinging by. Happy 2026. And if you want to support us, please go to our Patreon, click the sign up button, get those extra episodes. We're about to release. Actually, it'll probably be out by now, but our New Year's recap where we go over the trends of the year. It's always a

fun one and a little interesting too. Just a little. Just a little, just a little bit. Yeah, thank you very much for listening, friends. It's great to spend time with you. Yeah, we got some fun audience questions lately. We've gotten some really nice. Someone reached out with a very, very lovely message recently, and I want you to know that made our day. If you enjoy the show, please tell a friend. Please give us a good review

wherever you listen. Please post about us on Reddit or to a friend. Please join our Patreon and help us to not go bankrupt while we record. Ideally, we would be able to do podcasting, you know, full time or semi full time. Ideally, we'd be able to pay Dane for all the editing he does.

We do a lot of work for you I love of our hearts. I love of the game. But it doesn't mean we wouldn't love to be able to do it and also not be completely burnt out. But we appreciate you and we'll see you next week.

I have to peece so bad. I thought I could make it to the end of the episode. But I can't. Okay. I'm back. You wish you were. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvesties for their song, Paper Stars.

Are you ready for some bad sex writing? Yeah. It's not great. Not that it ever really is, but this is a tweet. Fun fact. Venezuela has 6 million women of childbearing age. Most of them are desperate for money.

If we employ them as surrogates, we could easily make 60 million more Americans in one generation and fight poverty in the global south. Nice one, right wing? Starting the year off strong. Like, is my math wrong, or are they expecting every woman to have 10 children? I didn't.

I can barely look at it, let alone think about it. I also saw this and it was gross. What a cool thing to say, you fucking dirtbag. It's not only that. It's, what a cool way to think. Like, how fucked is your brain that you even got there? Like, I, not in a million years, would my, my train of thought ever get onto this specific rail? No, not all.

And like, the thing that he's like, oh, we on Venezuela now, oh, we fuck everyone. Like, also, all of them are desperate for money. What are you talking about? Every single Venezuelan woman would be happy to be paid to just, I guess, become brood mother. There is two for the grimy-est men. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

I fucking hate it. Yeah. It also would imply that six million American men, otherwise you would have a completely useless generation that could not breed with each other because they would all be related. I'm not going to, not going to dignify it with further analysis. My name is Dame Miller. I'm now Spain. And I am one of the Venezuelan murder love babies.

I'm one of the Venezuelan murder love babies.