F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Dr. Goon, Penis MD

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Unfortunately, Dr. Goon is all booked up for appointments for the next month.  I can refer you to another Penis MD, if you'd like.  Topics include date ideas for the broken armed, refusing to sleep in a sex stained bed, did you sleep with Dead Greg, and turning physical attraction into love.

I put my trust in you And when I trust in love Hello Hello friends My name is Dave Miller and I'm Nile Spain And we're your fuck buddies Where's sex and dating events podcast Where we take your sticky sexy situations

turn them into sexy sticky situations. Here's the lowdown. We find questions, either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them right here, right now, in your ears or across,

you know, the kitchen, if you're doing dishes right now and you're listening to us all speaker. Crazy. People listen to podcasts is like out loud on speakers. Crazy.

I will do that if I'm, you know, crazy. I'm getting some chores done. Throw a little podcast on. Sometimes I'll put my headphones on. It all depends. It's crazy if you got us

just blaring in the workplace. I tell you that, because we're going to talk about clits. You're a bus driver. You just have a fucking mobile speaker. You're back to being a hero. Yeah. That'd be easy. Where's the craziest place you've ever listened to us, guys? Let us know. It can be in the speaker or not. Did you listen to us while climbing Mount Everest? That counts. Yeah. That's actually one of the markers when you're climbing Everest is the dead guy who's still listening to us. The dead guy that we paid a lot of money to get a QR code on the back of his shirt that you scan and it brings you to episode one.

It's blue boots and fuck bud. Yeah, yeah. It's, uh, we got a lot of trouble for that one. People thought it was like not respectful or something. It's tasteful. Yeah, it's like, you can't taste them. It's just ice. Just tastes like water.

So I don't know what, like, I don't know what they're saying. What is we talking about this week? We're going to talk about my date broke both arms. What kind of date can we go on? What activities, etc. Uh, partner refuses to sleep in my bed. Is there a polite and respectful way to ask a woman if they slept with my boyfriend back when he was still alive?

How to grow a relationship that's based on sexual attraction? But they broke both arms. What kind of date can we go on? What activities, et cetera? That's it. That's it, huh? No context as to... Okay.

There was more context. Let's see if I can find it real quick. Okay. Because I feel like context is important in terms of like... I remember it was early. Yeah, no, I got nothing. How, okay. Like real, like,

first few dates kind of energy. I think maybe like second, third date. Okay. Um, that sucks. And that's going to change the whole dating landscape. Blow job. Yeah.

I mean, who, I don't need hands. It's better with hands, though. I'll say that. It is better with hands. Um,

I think this is like, you're going to have to make the choice or they're really going to have to make the choice and really be like, do I want to date in this condition? Because, yeah, you're, you're at a severe.

disadvantage and I feel like if you're a woman you're also like a security safety risk as well right like you don't have your basic tools of protection arms which which are your hands and your arms if someone decides to do something shitty nothing but really you got it but like you can't call like yeah and like even even on a more basic level it's like you're kind it's going to be like again assuming you're in castes like I don't know you can't drive you can't cycle you can't hop on public transport like if the bus moves and you can't grab a pole you're going down and you're breaking the third arm yeah you know that's like that's what I'm saying is like you're putting yourself in a very precarious situation because you really do have to like play on

home field advantage like they have to come to your place essentially right pick you up in their car at which point you're entirely kind of like under their domain right Yeah. Um, so there's, there's different things you can do. I think like, if you do really like this person and you do trust them and you feel like you're safe, then yeah, you could do the like, come over, we'll order food, we'll watch a movie. But then they have to feed you. Yeah. I mean, like, I mean, there's got to be ways of doing this. Because like, do you have someone like taking care of you 24-7, right? Like, how, what does your life look like without a date present? Because that's also a thing, right? If you do need to have, like, your friend or your roommate or a brother or a sister or someone, right, like a family member, like assisting you 24-7, maybe dating's off the table for a little bit. Yeah. Look, maybe it's time for what we usually don't recommend as a date, at least early on.

Go to a movie. You can sit there. That's pretty much the only thing you're able to do right now is sit there. Yeah. You got it. That's, that's what I think there's a level of, maybe. Maybe keep it in the talking stages for a while. Like maybe you just really get to know each other.

Maybe you, I don't know, do like Zoom calls or something. Maybe go for a walk together. Also, I think it's like one of those things where I'm sure you want to come up with something cool and like surprise them and be romantic and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like, maybe this is a ball in their court scenario where you see what are they comfortable with, what do they want to do. And like even if it's just the first date or two, so you get a handle on like what they're comfortable with, and then you can kind of start to brainstorm instead of hitting them day one

with like, oh, we're going for a jog because your legs still work. And it's like, well, if I trip, then I'm dead. Yeah, that's, that's it, right? Like, I think this is, if you're the person with the broken arms, I think you have to make the choice of being like, is this dating time? Yes. Because I feel like I am, I am in a position that is making my life extremely difficult and therefore we'll make both dating and like you're going to have a hard time getting intimate with someone as well even if you wanted to yeah imagine trying to make out with someone in your arms are just like i would feel like even if it was completely consensual and i had very you know clear verbal consent i would feel a little strange kissing someone who wouldn't be able to sort of like

engage yeah yeah i would feel weird if i wasn't able to engage like if i just had to oh you know what mean like not getting your arms involved would feel cold and awkward even if it wasn't i i think there's there's that right like i think you really do again if you're the person with the broken arms you need to make the call being like i think i need to heal a little bit maybe like get out of the hard cast yeah yeah maybe getting to sling territory i don't know but even then i don't i don't understand how that would work with like two arm i don't know it's you just like really judgy. Yeah, just like really. And that's the thing. You're going to have your arms folded this whole time. You're going to be either like two ways. You're either going to be doing this. You're going to seem

really judgy or your arms going to be like this and you're just going to seem real like, what the hell? What the hell, man? Your energy is going to be changed whether you want it or not. What you could do, this just gave me a great idea when we did that, is you could start a career as either a break dancer or a freestyle rapper and she or he or they could be your your hype man right yeah so they stay in the background with their cool bodyguard guy with their arms crossed really like tough or like yeah what up what up put your arms up keep them there for six months six to eight months depending on my progress what what yeah we nailed it there you go And then you get to wow her with your fire line.

Or your six bins. You're six spins. Depending on which, yeah. Yeah. Be let the world's first freestyle rapper slash breakdancer. Like you go while you're going. And either way, you're going to be better than Raygun. So maybe this is Raygun.

Maybe it is. Maybe that was the thing the whole time. Yeah. So I think leave it, leave it in the breakies arms. No pun intended. Leave it in their hands. See what they are comfortable with. Accommodate them.

Don't push. Don't be weird. Like, don't be like, oh, no, you can do it. It'll be fine. Or, like, don't take liberties because it sucks. So try to do your best to be empathetic and caring and let them kind of take the lead. And then if after a date or two or three, you kind of get an idea of what their capabilities and desires are, then you could shake it up and be like, hey, I'm taking you on a safari.

Do you just get to sit there and look at animals? Yeah. I'm trying to think, does African Lions Safari still exist in Canada? That's exactly what I was thinking of. I think it does. Hell yeah. I bet it's real fucking weird now. I don't know.

I've never been, but I know people who've been as kids and we're like, it's rad. But like those were the wild times where people didn't care about safety or, you know, treating animals well. So my worry is that it's not great. If you're unfamiliar with what the hell I'm talking about. Which I imagine most of you are. There's a place. It's kind of like a zoo, but it's a drive-through zoo. And the animals are just around.

So you're just like essentially driving through a zoo. and every now and then you'll stop because like a bear will just be in front of you and then like they'll just climb on your car man like it'll fuck your shit up like the amount of damage those monkeys will do like there's a whole like monkey section and they'll just come and just like rip the antenna

off your car and shit like it's crazy it's like you drive through your own car yes yeah you just drive through like with your with your car and like they'll rip like your mirrors off and stuff like I was like Why did anyone do this?

It was a great business model, though, because on the other side of the zoo, they had, like, a car detailing place where they just sell in really expensive mirrors so you could actually drive home. African lying car repair? Yeah. This is for Milleficent text. Partner infuses to sleep in my bed due to my sexual history. I started dating someone recently, and we've been discussing the topic of having sex.

This is essentially that he come over to my place due to some legitimate factors on his side, and he seemed hesitant. I questioned his hesitancy, and he opened up to, me and told me he doesn't want to have sex in the same bed that me and my ex had sex in. I understand where he's coming from, but this seems a bit unreasonable to me. He also has a sexual history, although they didn't sleep in his or her bed together. I don't really know how to approach this situation. Should I just get over it?

Or is this a legitimate concern? Is he 15? He's 19 and she's 18. Look, his is a legitimate concern? Yeah, this sucks. This is sad and it's pathetic. And it's going to be, like, this is going to infuse everything. you guys do. Like, oh, wait, have you been to African Lions far with your ex before? Fuck,

like halfway there. You've ruined it. Like, you ruined that. These monkeys trash my car for nothing. I don't even want to go get my car fucked up by a bear. Yeah, a monkey's going to go by an antenna. He's going to be like, was that your ex's antenna? Fuck. Like, it's just going to suck. You know, he's young enough that I'm hoping. Like, to me, 19 is still pretty old. Like, I feel like in Ireland, people tend to date younger and get the shittiness out of the way if they're the kind of person that gets over the shittiness earlier. So 19 for this to me feels old, but I think in the North American capacity, it's not too old yet.

19's still a baby. So I'm very much hoping it is just one of those things that he will grow out of, but that still leads you to be the, like, canary in the coal mine of his toxicity, and that sucks. So, fuck it. Yeah, you really do have to kind of like wake him up, right? Like, you have to sort of be like, I'm not buying a new bed every time I get. Like, is that what you think that you have to do? Like, also, what are his like factors?

Like, does he still live at home? Yeah. Because like, if you're a 19 year old dude and the only way you get to have sex is with someone outside of your home and like, they have to be the hosts every time you want to get laid, and you're in there fucking making demands of, of like, Yeah. Being like, change your bed. I don't, was the couch also fucked on?

Get rid of that. Like, what are you doing? Well, okay, yeah, you change the bed, but like, the walls still saw it. Yeah. The floor. Yeah. They were all complicit. They were accessories after the fact and during the fact, actually.

And before the fact. Right. Like, would it be, is it a stupid, an idea of like to go as far as you're going and being like, well, you used to sleep with your boyfriend in this apartment. And I don't like that. Yeah. It's dumb. Yeah. So I think you got to bear down on him and just be like, look, what do you think people do in real life?

You know what I mean? Like in real life or you're not 19, living with your parents and making shitty demands. Do you think everyone burns their fucking bed when they finish? What if, again, the couch, the kitchen counter? Like, what amount of things have to be destroyed so that the next partner can feel comfortable? And like, where does it end? Are you buying me a new bed? Because if you want to buy me a new bed, I'll give you a list of beds that I want. Yeah, get a nice bed out of it. And then, you're fucking expensive. But like, it's so expensive, man. If you want, if you want to buy me a bed for sure. If you don't want to buy me a bed, they need to grow the fuck up and realize that like, look, I would

get it. If like he came over and the cum stains of all the past lovers were all over this bed. I get it. That makes sense. For sure. That's disgusting. Yeah. Have you not washed the bed? Is there something you're leaving out here? He's still in the bed. It comes on, it's like, I wash my sheets. Yeah. And if you're, if you're so insecure that you think that the, the ghost energy of my boyfriend's previous presence is a threat to you, I don't want to date you. I'm going to date someone a little more secure in themselves that they're not threatened by a person that doesn't exist at some point. Yeah.

Yeah. And again, where does it end? What TV shows did you watch together? What food did you make together? What bars did you go to together? What? Like, did you celebrate birthdays together? Now you can't have a birthday anymore.

I think what you said is a great idea. And I think that's something that people need to do more and just be like, do you think that this is normal? Do you think that every time someone breaks up with someone, they have the obligation to destroy all furniture that they had sex on to make their next partner comfortable? And if he says yes, then you know that this is an irrational person. Yes. That you don't want to date because their idea of.

reality is so warped that you're going to constantly have situations like this and as now said like it'll trickle down to like oh i don't i don't want to go to that bar because you and your your boyfriend went to that bar so now all of a sudden you can't go to your favorite bar or your local bar or you know like when it's always it's always going to be conveniently at a time where he wants to either punish you for something that you've done or get his way with something else like it's it is even if they act like it's a legitimate concern it's a weapon and it's a controlling abusive weapon that people like to put in their arsenal. And the more like credence that you give to it, the sharper you make that weapon that they have. The more you're like, okay, I'll acquies

to this one thing. You've kind of started a boulder rolling down a hill. And then the next thing is harder to stop. And then it just keeps on going. Right. Like so if you let them away with this thing, then the next thing, if you say no, you're being unreasonable because you agree, you agree that bed has power. So now why not couch? Why not TV show? So it's so much better to just like establish boundaries like early and hard you don't want to be like oh yeah like i let them way with this one let me with this one like we'll figure it out you won't you're going to make it harder to figure out down the way because you'll have been giving ground little by little by little and like gain he'll be gaining ground so by the time you get to it it's so much harder whereas

if you come up against something like this firm boundaries and then at least you don't get to waste time if he's like no fuck you you need a new bed great done you get somebody else somebody who doesn't live at home and isn't scared of cum ghosts. Yeah. It's, that's also a cum ghost. Yeah. Very scary.

I take that back. That's so scary. You need to also understand that like this guy is coming from a position of bringing nothing to the table. Yeah. Right. Like, what does he have to offer? He doesn't have an alternative of like, we can't go to my place to fuck.

So the burden of our intimacy is 100% on you. And then like, multiply it. by my insecurities. So now you have to go and get a new bed because I can't bring anything to the table. And it's like, I understand like, there are times where like I've dated people who are like, my roommate fucking sucks and is a psycho and I don't want to bring you over there because the second we make any noise, she will walk in or, you know, I mean, I'll have to listen to her yell at me for like a day or whatever.

And it's like, I get that for sure. And I'm empathetic to that. I'm happy to host. But at no point in time did they ever come in and be like, this needs to change, this needs to change i'm allergic to cats get rid of your cat like yeah you know it it's he should be happy that should be fucking you have that you have your own place in which he can come and have sex like that like that you're considering fucking him he should be over the moon he shouldn't be demanding new furniture that's what i'm saying i was like you're a 19 year old dude and you have you have

someone who has their own place which you can have as much sex as you want yeah i couldn't get ready you have all the fun and stop being a little bitch about it yeah that that was that was that have been my, well, it was my dream because I came over to Canada about that time and I was like, people have their old places. Fuck yeah. I have my own place. Hell yeah. It was the best. It was the best. So I think it's a big issue. I think short of you having a conversation and him being like, you're right, that was unreasonable pretty easily and quickly. Dump him move on. I know he's young and you're young, but you can find someone better. 100%. I bet you can find a 19 year old who doesn't care how many people you fucked in a band. Yeah. Oh, it's me. Yeah, it is me.

Is there a polite and respectful way to ask a woman if they slept with my boyfriend while he was still alive? Man, that question got away from me. Yeah, I was like, I was really expecting you to react during earlier, but you were just like, this is normal Nile bullshit. Yeah. That's it. No context for this one either, huh? No context for the, oh, okay, I'll give you a little context because in the comment, someone goes, well, I don't know, do you have a good reason you can give them as to why you're asking? That would help.

And they say, what's a good reason besides just wanting to know? if it's true or if I was lied to. Okay. I mean, like, that's, I, context is important because as we just discussed in our past question, people have had sex with other people throughout their life, right? So you may ask this woman, hey, did you sleep with Greg, dead Greg? And she's like, yeah, I did.

That doesn't necessarily mean that dead Greg cheated on you. It just means at some point in time this woman had slept with him. Well, like, let's talk about it. It's like your partner has died. That's awful. That's absolutely her. super sorry that's terrible what i want to know is why this matters in the face of that because are you trying to somehow like hurt yourself or like lash out to maybe feel less grief or if you're

like oh if he did this thing i don't love him as much and i can feel a little better you know because that's probably not the way forward or is it like a weird like because the thing is if you think he cheated on you and you're kind of trying to reevaluate your whole relationship like I kind of get it in a way. If you're just like, did he sleep with this person before we met and I think he lied to me about it, I don't think it's worth it because also, let's think about this woman who gets this call or text, who I'm also sure is probably grieving too if they knew each other. That's a pretty crazy thing to get in your inbox.

Look, I'm now here's, let me pause at this scenario. It's the funeral. And this woman and her child come up and he says, daddy's dead. Uh-oh, maybe it is important to ask this question. Maybe he had a whole secret family. We need so much context for this, but. You need to know what's going on here. Polite and respectful way, Dane, go.

Hey, I'm sorry for your loss, little Timmy. I just wanted to know your dad. Did he fuck your mom? Well, yes. You don't know that... I guess you could be someone's dad and not have fucked their mom, yeah. But if he's not with the mom, because he's with the person who's asking the question, or was with them before they die.

then there's no dad in this picture unless he was the seaman bringer. It's true. So polite. I think polite is easy. Unless you kind of extrapolate out to the fact that asking someone if they slept with a dead man out of nowhere isn't very polite in itself. Like how long has he been dead for? Like are you planning on doing this at the fucking funeral, the wake or something? Like what's the, like we do need to know these things?

You can't ask for something so specific and then give us no specifics. I'll try to give you context from the comments. They don't have a child, lull, either of them. Any conversation or anything beforehand is out of the question. We are not fond of each other. But I hope if I did ask her, there would be a truthful answer. Why are you not fond? Like, do you have, I want to know, do you have a problem with her?

Do you have a problem with him? Well, people are like, why do you want to know? Just let me be curious. You don't know if I care or not. It doesn't mean I'm not allowed to know. It matters to me. I'm not seeking closure. I just want to know.

Okay. This is one of those situations where I don't want to give you advice. I don't want to help you in this endeavor because it sounds like you're going through something real rough and what your your objective has nothing to do with what you should actually be doing and that's the thing we can give advice

just not what you're asking for I'm not going to tell you how to politely and respectfully ask someone if they slip with your dad husband because I don't think there is a way to do that because again you're coming at it with some sort of energy right I don't know the specifics but it ain't good, right? I mean, like, look, I don't understand why you're confused, right?

Have you ever had a conversation before? Like, surely you know how to communicate. You could just say, hey, this is really strange, but I've always had this weird feeling that, you know, Greg cheated on me. And I wanted to, like, it seemed like it might have been you. And for my point of closure, like, did you guys sleep together? Like, that's not hard.

And I don't understand why you can't figure that out. I don't think what you're asking for is a polite way to ask then. I think what you're asking for is the sneakiest possible sleuthing you can do to make this woman feel as shitty as you do. Now, the thing is, I would also say, though, it's like, if you guys are enemies and you're like, hey, here's a way to really hurt me. What's to say she doesn't lie in one way or the other? Like, I feel like you're, you are looking for something that you're maybe not going to get, and it probably doesn't matter. And what you need is therapy and counsel because you're obviously dealing with grief and loss. And what I would like to know is, like, what does this information change?

Like, try to think, like, will I be better off for having this information or is there a way for me to just move past this? Yeah, I mean, like, there's so much here that we don't know. Like, what's your relationship with this woman? You say you're not fond of each other or she's not fond of you. Like, why? What happened there? Have you been accusing her of sleeping with your boyfriend or husband for the entire time you've been together? And all she is is just, like, his co-worker or his friend or, like, some woman he waived that.

once like like what what's your relationship with her because there's sometimes no way to be polite with with someone when you've been shit to them the whole time like maybe you maybe this is part of your letting go thing is letting her off the fucking hook too or maybe this woman's been terrible to you and going back to what nile said like why wouldn't you assume that she would say the worst possible answer right like why wouldn't you assume if this woman hates you and wants to cause you cause you to stress you've given her like the fucking a kill really's heel of how to do that to you? Like, she can, she can really fuck your shit up. And if, if you, if you don't trust your partner, who you presumably loved, because they were your

partner, why would you trust this person you hate? That's a great point. So I just, I feel like this is not your way forward. No. No, not at all. And like the way you're going about it, because a lot people are telling her, yo, maybe don't. And she's kind of being very aggressive about it. It's like, look, this is all the evidence you need to be like, this isn't right for you. It's not a good thing and you just need to go like again i don't think it's going to add to your life so i think counseling therapy and order you know yeah it's it's grief look grief makes you do a bunch of crazy shit and it makes you feel crazy yeah so i understand the the need for control the need for uh you know getting answers for things that you'll never be able to get answers from or for again

because the person that you care about is gone like i understand all those things those impulses is it important? I think that's for you and a therapist to work out. And regardless, I think what you're going to find is the right path forward is like accepting and then sort of dealing with the loss on your own terms and not requiring a third party to really sort of like put the nail in the coffin, so to speak. No pun intended. I hope.

Fully intended. Oh, no. Poor dead Dave. Got him. How do you grow in a relationship that started exclusively because of sexual attraction? So one of my female friends who I have sexual tension with flash me her boobs the other day at school and said, Like what you see? I was kind of stunned, but I said, not fair.

Now I'm going to be thinking about this all day. Later that day, we ended up having sex for the first time. After that happened, we talked about it together for a long time. Sorry, after that happened, we talked about it together for a long time. We decided that we weren't going to flirt around the idea of dating anymore. We were going to start dating. So now we're in a relationship, but my biggest concern is that it's going to be a relationship built up of horniness and sex, not love for each other. That's not what I want, as I genuinely care and love this, care, and from what I can tell, she genuinely loves and cares for me too.

But it's still something I'm worried about. And of course, I think sexual attraction is an important part of a relationship. But how can I make my relationship about love and friendship and growing closer to each other instead of simply sexual attraction? this might be the dumbest question we've ever gotten because they say one of my friends so already off the bat there's something more than sex then they're like i love and care for her so again stuff that's you know not just sex then they also love and care for me so not just sex so it's already pretty clear that there is more than just sex here in every aspect it's just also sex which only happened once and right there and immediately they were like where

dating. So like, it's not like you fucked and never talked and eventually decided to. And even in that case, it wouldn't be a big deal because you decided to. Ergo, there is more than sex because you're saying there's more here. Let's give it a shot. There's absolutely nothing to worry about here. The only worry here is whatever's happening in your head and you overthinking this right now. Do dates. Go on a date. Now you're dating. Be like, cool, let's go on a date. Let's go something fun. You guys are fucking friends. I'm sure you know something that they like. That's it, right? Like, how much of a, how much of a peripheral friend was she prior to you getting to see her tits that one day? And then, you know, fuck it. Like, did you guys just kind of like flirt around a little bit in class and never really like hang out? Or have you been friends for a long time? Have you hung out? Have you gone to do things? Like, do you hang out a lot? And there's just always been sort of that tension. And she finally, you know, got the nerves. Flushing boobs. Yeah. I mean, that's a wild move. And I'm here for it, girl. worked. I appreciate that tactic.

Yeah. Although it's funny because if you reverse rolls, not cute story. Not great. Yeah. Not cute story at all. We're in school. He just whipped his dick out and said, you like what you see? That's a crime. Yeah. So I guess it is technically also still a crime when she does it. So maybe be careful out there. Yeah, maybe I don't like this. I don't know. It's funny. It's funny how there's just such a different stink on it, though, isn't there? Yeah. You know, it's weird. What have we done as a society? Imagine if it was like also just like actually the complete reverse. And he just, like, lifted his shirt up and just like, look that.

Check that out. I guess you'd have to, like, you were arguably the best option of all three because there's not a genital. Well, I mean, boobs aren't genitals either. Yeah, but they're regarded as like, you know. Free the nipple now. That's, hey, we need to free it because it's regarded, meaning I'm right. Yeah. Yeah, it's true.

You're welcome. Fair. I'm not saying I agree. I'm just saying, like, you know, it is considered. Boops, boobs do have, yes. They have power. They're the, they're what used to be the ankle. Boobes are the new ankle.

Boobes is the new ankles. so okay and there's two scenarios either you are friends what do you fucking worry about the main issue now is you overthinking it or you guys aren't really that

like that much friends words words is hard oh boy that was not that much friends that much friends uh in that case why do you love and care for her so much you don't you barely know her so like those are my two

the two paths you have to choose from right if you love and care for her blah blah blah you don't know her you don't know her you might think she's hot you might think she's cool great that's a really good foundation to build off but now you need to do non-sex stuff go and hang out go bowling fucking go for a walk figure out what you guys like do things that aren't just sex and then have sex in between all those things you did it it's a relationship yeah and like

i think you also need to know that like that horniness will will taper off a little bit right like once you once you get over sort of like the honeymoon phase and once you start to like actually grow closer your your desires and stuff of like soon you will find just as much comfort and pleasure like spending time with your partner as you do having sex with them and so like the sex won't be as integral to feeling intimate right like

you won't you won't need it to feel as close and to feel as as loved because you you've like built that uh so don't think that also like as you get closer if you notice the sex sort of like petering out or tapering off or like it isn't as like the second I see you

I want to tear your clothes off that that's the spark being lost it's actually like in my opinion a fairly good sign that like you do care for each other and that it isn't just sex based right like because if it isn't just sex then you you leave that room for all the other stuff or that other stuff kind of can take center stage either in general or more often yeah so just just be aware of that because I feel like there's a question in the future of being like we used to have sex like four times a day and now we don't and it's like does she no longer not love it's like no never flashes her boobs to me at school. Well, that, hey, when you start, when you start at boob flashing, that's something you've got to continue. Yeah, do more crimes. Yeah. Yeah. So you, you're fine. You're fine. Don't overthink it. And again, if you don't know them, get to know them. If you do know them, you're fine. And if you don't know them and you're talking about how much you love them, I think you may need to re-evaluate that, right? Like, I understand you can, you can definitely,

like, really care about them. And you can definitely, like, be, be into them. You can have a big crush but I think jumping right into like this person is giving me attention and I like them therefore I am so in love with them pump the brakes a little bit get to know them because it it just stands to either freak them out or you're going to get hurt because they're not who you think they are once you get to know them right that's that's when you get into the territory of men or I guess you know everyone does it of being like they're not who I they lied to me they're not who I thought they were and then you you end up falling into that toxic territory being like, you made up a person.

And when that person didn't live up to your imaginary standards, you're mad now. Yeah. Am I overreacting? Wife sending letters to Luigi, both in our 40s. Wife clearly thought Luigi M was hot when he was caught last year. And okay, whatever. She's an unaffectionate partner. Sometimes recoils to the touch because she claims that's just not who she is.

Doesn't like PDA, not a lot of romance happening. Long story short, I find a letter she's written to Luigi in jail, which comes off as a completely different person. states it's the second letter she's attempting to get to him, is flirty in the way she's saying girlishly saying things, does not in any way mention her family, we have a kid. Among the many hobbies and details of who she is, she shares with him in this letter.

The kicker is a very attractive photo of herself attached to the end, and it was with the three of us, but it's cropped so it's just her. What the fuck? I get that there are women who find very hot and sent thirst traps to them or some people who feel compelled to share stores at their own healthcare hardships. The thirst traps seem to be from single women, and this letter makes no attempt to connect to form from a shared pain perspective.

I feel pissed and betrayed and thinking sarcastically dumb thoughts like, do I need to be in jail to get this kind of attention from her? Am I overreacting? No, I don't think so. In this scenario, I think you are right to be upset because at its core, there's no different than like if she had sent a thirst trap to someone on Instagram that she didn't know, right? Like if she was DMing someone and saying all this stuff and being flirty and sending

sexy pictures to them, I think you'd have a fairer. grounds to be upset by that. And I think she would... Vice versa, right? I don't think you'd be... I think she would also be very annoyed if she found out that you had someone that you were sitting in sexy pictures of, that you were cropping her out of. That's like genuinely, sorry to laugh at your pain.

That's so funny, though. It is pretty wild. I like to think that they're all like close in, so it's not even like a straight crop. It's just like someone's silhouette, like a little silhouette down here and the bigger silhouette but just like cropped out. Yeah, it's pretty messed up. Now, in one way, is it a little better than messaging a random person?

Because, like, yeah, he's in prison and he can't come out and get her. But in other ways, it worse, because a letter is more personal than the Instagram message. So evens out. Yes. I was really hoping it was going to be fake letters

to Luigi Mario. We're so sorry you've been arrested for crimes in the Mario Kart arena. I'm sure. I mean, like, They shoot rockets at each other. They're constantly throwing oil on the ground. Yeah.

They're constantly doing mushrooms. They're speeding. They're speeding? They're criminals. Yeah. Mm-hmm. There's kids driving those cars? Exactly.

Exactly. And then they crash into the children. Yeah. I'll say some words I've never said before and we'll probably never say again. We should arrest Luigi. Yeah. Someone's going to clip that and make it seem like I'm anti, you know. Luigi belongs in jail.

Yeah, I think it's pretty messed up And I think it is high time To be like, hey, saw your letter Kess Kasekata Karla Yeah, it's Irish It's one of those things where I think if you have the letter You have to be like, hey, I found this letter I think it's incredibly inappropriate

And I'm not happy about it I think it's disrespectful I think it's borderline, you know, infidelity Like it seems, you know And phrase it like again, I think it's really helpful to put context on it and have them see things from your point of view

if I was sending a message to an Instagram model and sending sexy pictures where I cropped you out would you be okay with that like would you be cool with that and they might lie they might be like yeah

I would be that's fine it's yeah which is always such a you know you're not we fucking know you're not but I think you know one point out that equivalency to be like what are you aiming for here like what do you think he's gonna be like

oh actually I will actually you know what jail i don't want to be here so there's there's a woman with a family that she wants to leave that i do need to i need i do need to attend to what if that's it though that's the thing that gets them they're like they're raising the axe and he's like wait pulls out the picture she wants me to bone her away from her kid and her husband and they're like well shit damn man yeah and that excuse she's like hey luigi i'm nothing if not a bro and he dabs him up and then just fucking lets him go. He swings the ax and it cuts his handcuffs in half.

Yeah. And he's like, yeah. And then he looks up and he reaches into his mask and he pulls out a condom and says, Go get her son. Yeah. Anyway, that's from my fanfic, but. Yeah, our Luigi Married Woman fanfic. Luigiverse is coming along strong.

Yeah, I like, talk to her. It is, it is infidelity. It is cheating to, to some degree. But I think it's also like, there's a dual. problem here where like this by itself is a problem but I think it's also highlighting kind of like the lack of attention and care that you're feeling at home so I think it is more than like it's hard to do this because you don't want to start a fight you don't want to be aggressive but like to be like hey it really hurts when I see this and you're saying all

these things you're acting so enthusiastic and blah blah blah blah blah to a fucking jailed stranger meanwhile I literally am thinking like do I have to go to jail to get attention from you and then like lay out your facts try to not be like accusatory try to frame them on like I feel this way and I blah blah blah and like I would like X and hopefully they'll be chill and you guys will work forward but you know yeah I mean there is the I don't remember what it's called but there is the phenomenon of like women falling in love with like people in jail like tons of serial killers got letters from from people so like maybe maybe she's just not playing with a full deck of cards in the sense of like maybe

maybe there's some things in there that that needs to be triggered in prison ways. So, I don't know, but wild sentence. Yeah, yeah. It does suck that there's a child involved, though. Yeah, for Luigi. No. You want one more? Yeah, hit me with one more.

Am I overreacting? Husband's WhatsApp. So my 32-year-old female husband, 48-year-old male of two years, uses WhatsApp to stay. contact with his family. We just got a new card that displays notifications. Just today, he got a notification from Dr. Goon, penis MD, with multiple numbers on the notification. When I asked about it, he started laughing, told me had nothing to worry about. I muted the conversation after I asked about it. I mean, when people tell me not to worry, it makes me worry. If asked him, again, he keeps avoiding the topic. Eventually got him to tell me, he says a group chat with the boys.

But if that was the case, he would just told me when I first asked, right? Why would he laugh and shrug it off? I mean, I'm pretty sure there isn't a Dr. Goon penis MD out there. I checked. Am I overreacting? This has got to be fake. This can't be a real person. So I don't know because we have a weird boys chat name. I've been in a few boys chats with very weird names.

And in all the comments, it's just people being like, look, it sounds dumb as fuck. But my boys chat name was X and my wife also was like, what the hell? so yeah there's there's a inherent like i don't i don't have the time to explain the like layers of inside jokes of like how did we get to dr goonis guna penis phd like our our fucking boys chat right now i believe is u la big boys who la big boys which is actually easy enough to explain because it is we went for a friend's bachelor party and a host at a like very cute brunch place when we walked up just went oh la la big boys and i don't know why because like genuinely it was it was very much like it like the whole place had a dainty energy like yeah it was very like

china teacups and yeah like we were very girly if you want to assign yeah in in sort of like like if you looked at everyone else there we were the big boys but like by most metrics we're not big in any we're not very tall we're not very buff we're not very overweight like you know we're just we're just boys. I think it was more like the vibe. We brought big boy energy. Yes, yes. Yeah. Right. Like we, we were just a bunch of boisterous boys who smelled like alcohol. Yes. That, hey, that part, true. I don't want to explain that, right? Like, just being like, ha ha, it's the boys chat. Should be enough for you, right? Like, I'm sure that you have girls chats that also probably have stupid names. Now, they're probably names like, you know, lavender hour. Like, girl power moon phases. I don't know

I want anyone listening I want you to tell me the name of your most unhinged group Send it in and we'll feature them next week If you don't send them in I'm disappointed in you We're gonna find you Go through your phone and find them ourselves

Yeah Dr. Goon P penis MD 2 It's so good The thing is like can we just imagine A world in which this is someone He is cheating on you with And this is what he called them To be fair, brilliant move Because I one wouldn't suspect it in two

I would find it hard to be angry about it. I would almost be okay with it. That's the thing. If she was writing letters to Luigi but labeled it to Dr. Gooner, penis MD, I'd be like, look,

this is fine. And it's pretty funny, right? Because again, like how a letter is more personal than an Instagram message, Dr. Goon PhD or penis PhD or whatever is less personal than dear Luigi. You know,

so now it's actually better than an Instagram message. It makes me laugh that you're like, I'm pretty sure there's no Dr. Gooner, Dr. Gooner, penis PhD. Okay, I'll read it again. I'll read it again. It's Dr. Goon, penis, MD. So, you know that's not real. And it's, if this is a real question and you're real person and you actually did some sleuthing on this and you didn't immediately realize that, oh, this is a crazy group chat or this is a crazy name and then you see multiple numbers, you didn't think that like, oh, that's his group chat.

This is boy chat. Also, that's the thing. It's like, if it is multiple numbers, clearly the odds of them cheating on you are also way lower. Like, do you think he has a harem? Yeah, what do you think this is? Like, he also called his harem, Dr. Goode penis MD. And he has them all in together.

Like, it's just like a big group of ladies that he's cheating on you with. And when he says, don't worry about it. What he's saying is, we talk about unhinged shit that has nothing to do with you. And I don't want you to know about it. Or it's just dumb. Or it's just like. bad way it's just if if my partner look through our group chat it's mostly us chirping each other about hard drive space and like like and fantasy football that we have no idea what we're

doing in it's like it's it's it's so quite literally nothing to worry about that like it's a waste of time for anyone other than us to look at like there isn't salacious details there isn't there's just stupid fucking bullshit it's the definition of don't worry about it can you hear me can you hear me can you hear me are you muted oh my mic my mic's not working yeah like and then the other 50% is like snarky gifs and fucking like I don't know yeah it's like what he's saying is there's nothing in this group chat that you should ever expend a single ounce of energy or brain power on and that's the thing like him not bringing it up but not make a big deal out of it, is probably because to him,

it literally is like, ha, ha, she saw the dumb name and that's it. That's where it began and ended with him. And you're like, I can't find Dr. Goon. I also want to know, do you understand the term goon? I assume not. Like, she's in her 30s as possible. It's just over her head. So.

And also, like, it says penis MD. It says, does he need an MD for his penis? It says penis MD. Do you think there's a, there's a doctor who is a penis. doctor who has a group chat? Like, what the fuck do you think's happening here? Hold on. I'm looking at up.

Dr. Goon, penis, MD. What's going to come up, do we think? This question. Oh, there's, oh, it's a meme, I guess. Or there's a someone called Dank AI memeer posted on Instagram, beep poop, Dr. Goon, penis, MD. And I haven't clicked into that because there's a Reddit. Oh, that's the exact same question that we're looking at.

Yeah. It's a different, it's posted elsewhere, but. It's fine. I'm telling you, I'm begging you when, do not worry about this because it's, oh, now she's worrying. This is the biggest waste of all of our time. Yeah, you've ruined this episode. That's going to do it for us now that you've destroyed this episode. Thanks a lot. You've absolutely kicked our episode in the fucking taint and it's sore, it's on the ground.

People came all this way expecting us to, we always finish out with a real, real brain scratcher, a real thinker, you know? Really get the people in a deep mood. like we don't we don't go for fucking small talk we made people think about life and death really mad what if you did you've done to him now we've really got to get out of here now we're not deep we're fucking popcorn bullshit just do the sign off and just like not say anything no don't worry i've got some great shit firstly think dr eagle in the harvest sit no just dr ediths gooners dr edis doc jesus josh eagle on the harvice cities for their song paper star M.D.

Dr. Eagle and the penis gooners. That should be our band. Love you guys. If you are here, please support us by either following us on Patreon and giving us that sweet cash or just share us with a friend. Give us a good old rating and

review. Tell a friend. Post about us on Reddit. Post about us on blue sky. Tell people we need them. We feed off people like a vampire that sucks up downloads. It's true. But we love you. And I want you'd get ready for some bad sex writing. Okay.

This is a post on our confession. I regret letting olivander logic guide my fleshlight purchase. When I decided to buy a flashlight, I genuinely believed it would be kind of like getting a wand from olivanders, brackets, Harry Potter. I told myself that choosing the right flashlight was kind of like picking out a wand at Olavanders. You can stare at the shelves, read the views, compare textures and colors all you want.

The end of the day, it's not really you choosing it. The right one choose you. Then it actually happened. I got a flashlight modeled after a porn star, not because I picked it up, but because she sent it to me in the mail. No, no, no, no explanation, just her flashlight arriving at my doorstep, as if destiny itself had chosen me. In that moment, I was Harry Potter. I was the chosen one, but here's my shame. Every time I use it, I just feel a lot of responsibility.

Instead of pleasure, I feel like I'm dishonoring some sacred, magical contract. It's not a toy I asked for. It's not a toy for me anymore. It's a prophecy I never asked for. What is cream puff is a horrook. And I believe cream puff is what he has named the fleshlight, as I found out from previous posts. You're not well. Hey, Dane, let me tell you, this person has a wealthy history of fleshlight discourse, and we are going to be delving into it over the next couple of weeks.

Good. They are. That's all they do is post about flashlights. It's their whole thing. Cool. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm... Now I'll spend penis empty.

We've been your cream puffs. Weill. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.