F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 100 - Long Hard Clit

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

We've done it.  Somehow, we've made it to 100 episodes and we haven't missed a single one!  Thank you so much for being on this weird, sexy and sometimes audibly uncomfortable ride with us.  We love you.  Also, if you submitted an audio clip for our 100th Episode Celebration, stay tuned at the end to hear it!  Topics include the most unpleasant sex writing Niall's ever read, an unsafe undergarment snack, the threesome desire, divorce dating opportunities, spicing things up with a new wardrobe, a Gone Girl worthy blog and a 100th Episode celebration!

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I am Niall Spain. And welcome to the 100th episode of Fuck Buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we take questions from either our fine listeners or the wonderful people of the internet, And we ask them and give advice. And just for, you know, to throw it back, do a little way back playback, I have Oliver in the closet with me. Oh, yeah. So if you hear the gentle rumblings or, you know, the sounds of claws touching random surfaces, that's Oliver scratching at things. Do you hear that?

No. There's no fizzing? Not really. Okay. Well, I had sparkling wine because my girlfriend surprised me with a little mini bottle for episode 100. But I popped it too soon because I thought we were going to... I was waiting on you and then all the bubbles died down.

So imagine. Hold on. There we go. Celebration. Yay. I'm going to kick us off with a little sex writing. Okay. I'm going to start and finish us with some sex writing today.

Now, are you saying that this sex writing is so good that you're going to finish us with this? Yes, I am. Okay. This is Smell a Sense of Sorrow by Peter Hoag. Are you comfy? I know you don't usually get comfortable this early. You're usually in extreme discomfort for the whole. Yeah, I usually have my nail board out and got my nipples hooked up to the clamps.

But yeah, you know what? I'm comfy for this one. This is episode 100. So I figured I would treat myself. All right. Standing in the middle of the bedroom, we take off each other's clothes. He has a light fumbling brutality, which several times make me think that this time it'll cost me my sanity.

In our dawning mutual intimacy, I induce him to open the little slit in the head of his penis, so I can put my clitoris inside and fuck him. What? is that an actual published book yeah it must be i mean we've joked for years now, I think, that the people writing these things have never had sex. But this... This lets us realize that we've never had sex. Not real sex.

Yeah, this is a 1992 novel by a Danish author. I hope that's a translation error. I really hope that somewhere along the lines that just, you know, lost in translation. Because it's just fundamentally doesn't understand how anything works. It makes me very uncomfortable. Yes. I mean, just the second anyone

says, hey, you know, split your urethra open. Let me take a peep in there. What's going on? That's all ready. And then the idea that you're going to, I guess, have a clitoris long enough to insert in there? I'm like hard enough.

You'll open that dick for my long hard clitoris. Jesus. Maybe it makes sense in context of the rest of the novel. Anyway, I figured it'd be a good way to prime you for what is going to be just the wettest episode. Fuck me. Okay. In the dick tip with my clitoris? I don't like it.

All right. Do you want me to kick us off with a real question? Considering how you just kicked us off there, I don't know if I want you to ever speak a word to me ever again. That's fair. I can just be quiet. Yeah, I think we all just need an hour of silence just to certainly pick up the pieces that you've just now shattered our lives. Well, thanks, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars.

And my name is Niall Spain. Hit us with a question. Do you want to just keep going or do you want to dip back up to sanity? No, no, you've fucking hit the first domino. I'm not going to read the title because

it's one of those questions. It's also a little long but it'll yeah i'm in shock right now so i'm sorry if this doesn't make sense my girlfriend sarah fake name throw away account because she uses reddit and i have been together for seven years and has been in the best way uneventful we make a decent income own a condo in a nice city we both enjoy and get along well growing up i always wanted a dog and in 2012 we in 2013, I made the dream come true for myself and adopted my adorable son Rupert, a golden retriever. He and I do everything together, and I would die for him. We are best

friends. He's never been ill-behaved, doesn't bark, doesn't beg, enjoys his three walks a day, and we go to the park four times a week. When Sarah moved in in 2015, everything was fine at first, until she started complaining about her underwear going missing. She never had enough underwear to wear and could not figure out why. I assumed the dryer was shredding it or something. She only wears tiny looking underwear, and it's a shitty old 80s dryer. But then at 3am one night, we wake up to Rupert violently vomiting on the carpet. He puked up stomach acid and her favorite pair of underwear. She was pissed but concerned for him, helped me clean up, called the vet to see if we should come in, and made sure

he was snuggled into his dog bed before he went back to sleep. Everything about the encounter was normal, and I was touched to see her care for my baby boy. After that, Rupert had a bad habit of eating her underwear. He would eat at least three pairs a week. I would vomit or poop it out. One time it got stuck in his butt, and I had to pull it

out. I've spent thousands on imaging to make sure it wasn't stuck inside of him. I'm happy to report it has never been serious and he always gets the underwear out no problem. But we've been going crazy trying to figure out how he's been getting it. We implemented a new laundry system where we have two baskets, one for her underwear and one for the rest of our clothes. And the underwear basket goes in our shut closet. I was just assuming he was super sneaky or getting it while she was in the shower or some other logical explanation because what is actually happening is too crazy to wrap my

head around. I had to go get a COVID test yesterday prior to visiting my grandma. They require a printout, insurance card, and I stupidly left it in the house. So after saying bye, I was gone for 10 minutes before I turned around and ran back in to get it. When I walked in, she was dangling her thong from her finger over Rupert, who was drooling and wagging his tail. I obviously freaked the fuck out and asked

her what she was doing. She started crying immediately and began apologizing. She said she saw how much he liked it and thought it was a treat for him because he hunted it out so hard the first few times. Said she didn't do it often, but sometimes when I left, she would give it to him so he would like her more. She's worried that I like the dog more than her. And now I think I do, if this was intentional. I love her so much and do not want like her more. She's worried that I like the dog more than her. And now I think I do, if this was intentional. I love her so much and do not want to lose her. She wasn't raised with dogs or animals due to extreme allergies in her little sister. So I really think she just didn't know.

She doesn't even like dogs that much, except for Rupert. I really think she didn't know any better. Is there any coming back from this? Please help. I asked her to go to a friend's house while I took Rupert to the vet, and luckily he's fine, but I don't feel like I can bring him back around her.

And this is by my 28 year old my 28 year old male dog has been getting sick from eating my girlfriend's underwear and i thought he was just poorly trained but i learned my girlfriend has now been feeding it to him on purpose oh welcome to episode 100 once more, people. Oh, God. I just... Isn't the world bad enough now? As by user underwear help, please. Isn't... Aren't there enough bad things in the world

that we don't need this evil? This fucking... This fucking... Ah. Ah. So, okay okay let's are you crying? I don't know what I'm I don't know what's happening to me

okay we're gonna answer this? let's answer this I'm waiting for you man if she wasn't, if you believe that she wasn't doing this maliciously to kill your dog then you can chalk it up to I guess her just being an idiot no you can't i'm sorry i'm cutting in i'm busting in even if even if she was somehow ignorant and stupid enough to think that feeding a dog underwear wasn't gonna you know injure them

she probably fucking should have gotten the picture after one you implement an entire system so that he cannot no long he can no longer get said underwear and two you spent thousands on imaging to make sure there was no underwear stuck in his belly like those things alone should have been enough to change their mind and it didn't so the idiot excuse is gone i mean unless she's just that much of an idiot then i don't think you're clinic i don't think you're legally able to date her then yeah i mean like this thing is like if if i did something and i was like oh fred who is that's the name of my girlfriend's cat and i was you know i don't even know what it like floss dental flush something

i was like oh fred really likes to play with that and then he likes to eat it afterwards and then you know it gets all tangled in his intestines and he has a very terrible poop yeah and then you have to like pull it out inch by inch from his poor butthole yeah it's like to to see that to see the distress caused by my actions, I don't think I would then be like, oh, he had a great time and therefore I should keep doing this. Let alone, even if you manage to avoid the dog's discomfort and that, you'd see your girlfriend be quite upset probably about it, especially if she had to bring him to the vet and spend a bunch of money like the monetary cost alone even if it wasn't bad for him even if your partner wasn't upset you would probably have the wherewithal to be like oh shit maybe i shouldn't do that maybe i should invest in real treats for this dog it's one of those things where like i would i would get it i mean i've i've had nightmares where

whether it was like my parents or a partner or a friend or whatever has done something like even something as simple as like letting oliver out you know what i mean and me like losing my mind and being so angry about it i i would have a very very hard time ever respecting or you know calming down around someone who intentionally was doing harm to my pet because like as as smart as some animals are they're still like idiots you know what i mean like they're little they're little fuzzy idiots and like if they're like they don't really like you know they don't really know that like eating underwear is bad for them it's like yeah he throws it up but like dog would eat an entire box of chocolates no yeah we'll kill him you know

what i mean it's like like dogs don't have that sort of like mental capacity to be like oh hey the last time i did this i threw up everywhere they're just like hey this was fun let's do it again yeah also dogs are very eager to please right so if they know you you are having a good time feeding them they're happy to do it yeah they're trusting and they're too pure for this world and you're feeding them fucking loin fabric yeah yes this is so so like i get like from this guy's point of view i don't know if i would I would be able to continue to date someone. So my fear is that she lied when confronted about everything except for the grain of truth, which was you like the dog more than me. And you thought this was, like, just her trying to kill the dog?

She's trying to kill the fucking dog. Because you like the dog more than me doesn't really check out with I'm trying to make the dog like me by feeding a fucking underwear. Yeah. I think they got caught a lie. And while rambling, they did let let through the one thing of truth. And that's that they don't like this dog and they feel threatened by it. I say run. Yeah.

I mean, here's the thing is like, yes, I don't think I would be able to continue to date someone who's done this. Because what like what if it's just sort of like, you know, she's drunk and she's like, ah, one last time. Even like if we're going to go under like what she said is the truth. If she's like, you know, hammered, you know, or, you know, you're away on vacation or something. And she has a bunch of friends over. She's like, hey, guys, want to see like a fun trick that my dog does? Like my dog likes eating underwear, blah, blah blah blah blah and does it or like one of her stupid drunk friends does it you know what i mean it's like it's it's it's just a ticking time bomb

before one of these things actually kills this poor dog yeah um and then it's like partly your fault for like seeing the issue and not getting out of there yeah well like the way i see it is like if you want to err on the most positive side and believe this person i think they're too dumb to date like if they legitimately don't understand in the first place and then continue to not understand when you've gone to the vet when you've been worried when you've implemented this system they are too stupid for you to date like you cannot have a life with someone who does not get basic shit like that yeah like there's just no way and if you go on the worst side of things where she's actively trying to harm your dog that's pretty much irredeemable either way no there is no way

back from this you get the fuck out of there yeah yeah i Yeah. I mean, yeah, I agree. I think you have to just be like, Hey, you cross the line. And if you like, like you said, like if you haven't been able to figure out that, like me taking to the vet every time this fucking happens,

that it's not a good idea. Then I can't trust you to be around. Like what happens if they have kids? Yeah. What happened? Like that's the thing. Kids are a lot harder to take care of than a dog yeah like a lot harder what like even just like basic day-to-day shit like what did what kind of decision making does this person have if they can't handle basic

shit like this it's like it's literally not worth being it doesn't matter how amazing they are you literally cannot be in a relationship with somebody like this. If you can't trust them to keep the things that are dependent on them alive, yes, you gotta get out of there. And in the most basic fashion as well.

This poor popper. I'm so glad he's okay. We're here for you, Rupert. I love golden retrievers. That was my first dog. Like the happiest boys. Okay. This comes from a long time user and listener of ours, Agent Luxury. Hell yeah. She sent us a whole whack of questions.

Good. She did want to update and say that her and her boyfriend are still together and they're still having really, really great sex. Hell yeah. And she thanked us for our handjob and blowjob techniques that we shared with her um one of her that was really funny that was like one of the most awkward moments of the last 100 episodes just like half a meter away from each other staring into each other's eyes and talking about handjobs like because you guys don't get to see our like hand movements oh yeah yeah we were pretty much

simulating yeah and it was just funny because it's like you know it was just like at one point i remember jory i'll be just like staring you dead in the eyes because like it's weird it's almost weirder if i'm looking anywhere else and like it wasn't all that awkward but it was definitely one of the most awkward moments we've had in the entire podcast and it was a lot of fun man is it weird that i forget that you used to sit across from me when we did this the heat of sitting in that closet with you has never left my soul like it's charred slightly i cannot forget anyway continue uh so agent luxury asks a while back i asked my boyfriend what things he's always wanted to try. And he said a threesome.

He also said that he imagines most guys in the world probably thinks the same thing, especially with two girls. I personally don't think I will ever be okay with any type of non-monogamous sex, just because that's the type of relationship I want. I explained this and he said that's fine. But a part of me always feels like he's like it's something that he will never be able to give to him. And sometimes you think that sort of a sexual incompatibility will cause issues. So the questions are, one, do most guys really want that slash fantasize about that? And two, how can I cope with the fact that what he wants, that he wants this and I will never be OK with it? Side note, at this point, I can see us being together for a long time.

So does he. We talk about what we'll do when we finish our PhDs. Also, fucking cool that you guys are both going for your PhDs. Where we'll live, when we want kids, and he's even called my parents the in-laws, even when we aren't engaged, etc. Yeah, well, I think it is a very common fantasy

for guys and stuff. I would put it on probably the top of the list that like, yeah, most people have, especially dudes have a threesome fantasy. Yeah. And I think that that's a good thing because like it's not like this niche thing that's unique to him that is going to be a deal breaker. I think most people know that in the relationship that's not going to happen because, it's really not all that common that couples are okay with something like that. So the good thing is like, and I'm telling you now, I don't think it's going to be a dealbreaker whatsoever. And you never know as you guys get older and more comfortable and more bored what you're doing right now, maybe one day you'll be open for it or he'll be open to something else.

But it doesn't really matter because I really don't think it's one of those like powerful fantasies that would break anybody up i think it's just like a constant like that'd be fun and then you get over yeah yeah and the thing is it's like if like you don't have to be on board with every one of your partner's sexual fantasies no you know what i mean it's like the the nice thing is you asked and he told you honestly. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like that's the takeaway here

is like that's awesome. The fact that you were willing to sort of be like, hey, what are you into? And he was not afraid to be like nothing, baby. Like everything's fine. I love everything. Like it's a pretty scary thing for dudes to be like, I would be into a threesome because

it's a slippery slope of people misinterpreting that as being like, you're not enough. So the fact that he trusted you with that and the fact that you're willing to discuss those kinds of things is a really good sign for your relationship. A hundred percent. Like that's all I was thinking of when you were talking about this is that like, those are the kind of like gold flags really. You know what I mean? Like you have honesty on both sides and like compassion,

like you're, you're willing to be compassionate to yourself and not compromise on what you want to do, but you're also worried about them, them and that as well. Like it's, it's really nice to you guys clearly care about each other a lot, can be honest with yourselves and are like sexually open enough to discuss these things without like insecurity or like anything else kind of getting

in the way yeah and you touched on it briefly it's like don't be quick to say that like you're never going to want something because i don't know how long you guys have been together but like eventually there comes a point where you know maybe it might be worth looking into. Maybe you guys meet someone who just kind of like clicks with both of you and it might be something that you could be interested in. Granted, now, like if you're not into women. I would strongly suggest not pursuing a threesome because when everyone isn't into each other, threesomes are fucking terrible. Yeah. I think that's a good thing to bring up is like, you know, it's great that you want to kind of like satisfy your partners,

uh, like fantasies and all that. But like, there's a difference between like, if you ever did decide to do it just because it could be like a really shitty thing for both of you guys. If you're not, you know what I mean?

Like if you're not into it, like you're not enjoying it, it's probably not going to be a fun experience. And you're just going to end up off for it at the end so it's like i think that like related advice is like don't go for something that you're not into just for the sake of you know what i mean pleasing someone because you'll probably end up doing it worse you know obviously there are degrees of like oh i can kind of get into this or like i really hate this but I'm doing it because. But I do think that's something to be careful of.

Yeah. I mean, like, I remember I've had two threesomes where that's been the situation. I was once with they were a lady lady couple, but one of the most bisexual. And she was like, we'll bring you in. But the her partner was strictly a lesbian and had no interest in me and like it was so weird because the whole time I was like I don't want to touch you because I know you're not into that so it was almost like having like an obstacle

course where like you're constantly trying not to touch the other person and like that's not fun like sex shouldn't be that cerebral you know what I mean like it shouldn't be about like you know what i mean like it shouldn't be about like being careful and avoiding things especially not a whole other person in the mix and then i had another one where like the the two girls weren't into each other like they they weren't into women

and the whole time i was just like i was like i'm the the thing that ties this all together and i'm not having fun because you know i have to focus on two all together and I'm not having fun because I have to focus on two things and if I'm not focusing equally, I'm worried that you're not having fun. Otherwise, you're just going to be sitting there watching. Sorry to do that.

I was going to say, it's like nine times out of ten, that's not really what threesomes are about. You know what I mean? It's like the active participation of all three people is really the point of it and really when it shines and is fun. I also think like the threesome fantasy is usually a pretty passive fantasy for people where it's like, yeah, that'd be fun. But like they've never really stopped to think about it. And if it ever became a reality, I always feel like there's a secondary like okay shit now that's real i have to actually consider it and sometimes people don't even like that like they get thrown

off by how to act and what to do and like they get in their own head about it as well like i've seen a bunch of questions on reddit where it's like i've always wanted this but now that's happening i'm freaking out and like sometimes they actually aren't into it you know and i think that that's a good thing as well because it is one of these fantasies, but it's not like, again, like not this active kind of like burning thing. It's like, sure, that would be cool. But, you know. I think it's – I think there's a lot of societal sort of like influence as well of being like, you know, it's kind of like the holy grail. If you have two women, you're better.

Yeah. That's like – that's not at all at all true you know what i mean it's like i it's it's pretty much like a hang-up from every like comedy in the like mid the 90s and the 2000s right it's like yeah threesome was always like the best you know so i i definitely wouldn't worry about it i don't think it's one of those things that's overwhelming to any degree and if it was i'm sure it would have come up a lot more often than a lot sooner you know yeah there would have been a lot more angling and a lot more like oh look at her what is she doing yeah you know what i mean like if it was that sort of like let me tell you that's the easiest

way to never have a threesome yeah so yeah again if that hasn't been the case so far, I would just be happy that you guys can be honest and open with each other. And like you guys sound like one killing it. Hell yeah, for the PhDs to like comfortable and confident. And I love the fact that you guys seem to have a really good relationship and I wouldn't let this bother you. And you know, if you ever change your mind, if in the future you decide to do it, it's great because you've opened the doors. You can always turn around and be like, Hey, back in the day you said,

whatever I'm interested. And also you don't have to do that either, which is great. So. Yeah. I don't think anyone would be like, Oh, now you want a threesome.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like once you broach the topic, it's so much easier to like bring it back up again. But also, you know, it sounds cool that you've talked, you know position he seems cool with it it all sounds good and healthy and i wouldn't worry about it you want to do your user questions i had to remind you yeah because

i'll probably forget all right so this is by the uh let's simply named agent kate uh they say congratulations on your hundredth episode thanks Thanks. And they want to know, what's the appropriate way to date someone you knew as a kid who is now back in town and going through a divorce? They also recently matched on Bumble, so it is relative to online dating. She thought that he was still with his girlfriend as they're Facebook friends,

and as they are Facebook friends, and thought they were married and matched him out of curiosity. Does it still say they're married on their Facebook profile? Because I would be worried that it's not true. You think to double check that the divorce is real first? Yeah, I would. I don't know how you would go about doing that.

But I think that's worth being because like, you know, being able to like stay married on your public profiles. And then when someone catches you just be like oh now we're actually going through a divorce um again i don't really know how to do that without getting real creepy and real prie so i will say it is ireland so i don't think you could get away with it because there's so little people and everybody knows everybody to a certain degree especially on fucking online dating like it's almost impossible to find new people on that um that i really think so many people would be pinging his profile that it would get back to his wife i'm imagining it's real again i'm not 100 and like it's been a long time since i've been single in ireland but

from everyone i talked to back home that's one of their major like negatives about online dating in Ireland is that you just find people you know all the fucking time I'm going to go out and say I sure it's real okay cool but just in case that's some advice double check yeah

then I don't know what really the problem is like how how would you not? Just date them like a normal person, as if you would date anyone else. Well, I think there are certain things to be aware of. Certainly, if someone's just out of a divorce, it's very possible they don't want to get into a relationship

anytime immediately. You know what I mean? Yes. So, yeah yeah if you're looking for you know to lock someone down i would maybe hard pass on this because like there's if this guy is still in the process of getting divorced there's no way he's in like a mental headspace regardless of what he tells you to like jump into another relationship yeah so i would like if you just want to like hook up or

have something casual like fine you know what i mean but you i think like that's kind of the main thing that that i would think of is like to make sure that you know what you're signing up for because it is highly possible that he's not ready for a relationship considering the divorce and if he is it's highly possible that it would be a terrible relationship with him. So soon out of what was presumably a long-term relationship, you know? Yeah. And also like divorces are fucking stressful. So it's like,

there's, there's that layer of, of sort of like anxiety and pressure that's on him as well. So like, you might not be getting true, you know, whoever you're getting like middle of divorce whoever which i imagine is not anyone's sort of like best foot forward yeah and like i don't know because you said they're like

back in town so i don't know if like they left their wife wherever they were and are back by themselves or if like their wife is also kind of from the area or whatever but like that's another thing you kind of have to be aware of is that like, if you're getting involved with him and like his wife and the people that know his wife and family are all around, like maybe things can get weird with them as well. Like, I guess it depends who's breaking up with who and how and what's going on. But like, again, Arlen being small and everyone knowing everybody, it's like sometimes it's not that the most fun to get involved with either right especially if the divorce hasn't even gone through you don't want to then you know be involved in the process yeah that's i mean like that's a really good point of being like it's always suspect when you break up with someone and they're dating someone almost immediately

yeah you know i mean because like there's always that sort of in the back of your mind being like oh is this the reason you broke up like you know were you cheating on her with them were you you know what i mean like there's that sort of being like oh that was awfully quick steven so maybe maybe consider that it's it's because like we're trying to i'm trying to think of the way like in toronto i don't think it'd mean fucking shit or like any big city i don't think it would mean anything like i would i totally get the sort of allure of like you know if there was a cute girl from high school and i was single and then i you know she was she had been like locked down for the entire time and all of a sudden you know she was single and available and if i was too i'd totally get like that allure of being like, damn, I've kind of wanted to hook up with you since high school.

And now it's my chance. I get I get that pull for sure. Yeah, well, I'm hoping like, again, if it's not a case of, you know, wanting a serious relationship off the bat, it's not a case of like weirdness surrounding the whole divorce or whatever. This could be fucking awesome, especially for them as well, right? Because like it always sucks when you're coming out of a relationship or you're reentering single life and to have somebody you know and trust

and like have a connection with and then to turn things from friends to something more sexual, it can be fucking awesome. You know what I mean? Like that can do a lot to rebuild your confidence and your like faith in humanity. I know it sounds dramatic? Like that can do a lot to rebuild your confidence and your like, you know, faith in humanity. I know it sounds dramatic, but like we've all been there coming out relationships and like, you know, also clearly you like this person and you guys get on and you matched on Bumble.

So clearly there's a connection there as well. So, you know, there seems like I know we said a lot of negative things a second ago, but it seems like there are also a lot of really positive things here and it could be a really awesome situation so like 100 go for it just maybe keep some of the other things in mind yeah you know test the waters before you uh fucking jump in but like there's no reason that you shouldn't go for a swim and like for all we know they might have been like separated or like broken up but still married for a while so like you know if it is one of those cases where the divorce is just taking a long time to get around or whatever then maybe they will be slightly more ready for a relationship i still think it's best to play it slow or just keep it casual but it's up to you yeah so this

is another question from Asian luxury. She sent me a bunch. Hell yeah. I recently tried wearing a thong and it really turned on my boyfriend and it turned me on to just knowing it was turning him on more so than being naked. What are some other instances of things that your girlfriends have done slash worn that really turn you on even more so than seeing them naked? Ooh,

well, there's okay. Well, there's always the obvious ones. Like, you can get a costume. Cheerleader. Nun. Builder. What? Train.

Oh, man. Train conductor. Baby, please, please, please put on that construction worker. I need it. Cat call me. Cat call me, please. please swing that rebar around now fuck my dick tip with your clip stop it so i think like costumes are a very obvious and easy one you can you know you can you you like doing underwear how about like skirt no underwear or dress no underwear uh-huh that one's fun. How about trench coat?

Nothing underneath. That one's fun. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about that one. But that's fine. If that's your flavor. Have you ever had anybody trench coat naked to your door? Yeah.

It's great. I mean, it's cool. Well, what's wrong with it? I don't know. I really enjoy taking clothing off so like if if my job is already done i'm a little i'm a little sad i'm a little like i feel like cheated out of the experience okay this isn't every time if it was every time it would get weird and also like maybe they're just into like you know what's the word i'm looking for like exhibitionism

you know how many schools do they walk past on the way to your place? It could be dodgy. I don't know. But once in a while, I guess if I didn't know about it. Yeah, I guess you're right. If if I was just booty calling someone and they showed up like that, I think I'd be like, OK, yeah, all right. But I think it would be a one time thing for me. I don't think I would want it to be like you know every other time or

like at what point did i suggest doing that multiple times dane you said specifically every time never wear clothes ever again only a trench coat wait i'm gonna check with our stenographer oh shit yeah i said those exact words sorry you did you did i guess i just blacked out from honestly i just keep imagining a clit penetrating my penis so I don't really know half of what I'm saying this episode is going to be like 7 hours long because we literally every time you say that we just black out for about an hour

the ache alone just makes it hard for my like thoughts to just you know formulate I'm a really really big fan of like a loose t-shirt i know it's not like the sexiest thing but like okay what's what's under this loose t-shirt dane nothing i don't i like taking multiple items of clothes off i'm dane now i'm gonna do almost the

exact same thing but you lift it up instead of opening it like a fucking coat wait what no i leave the clothing on. That's fine you can leave the trench coat on too. Also. You are completely contradicting yourself. You said you like to take clothes off. And then you just tried to contradict me. By saying keep the fucking clothes on.

Dang get out you're done. I've never said that. Let me check in. Ah fuck I did say that yeah. I will make sure you never podcast in this town again. Nothing but knee-high socks. Yes. Or match skirt, no underwear, with knee-high socks.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of keeping... Even if they're not knee-high, like long socks, high socks on. There's something about it that's just like... There's something about keeping one article of clothing on that makes it seem sort of like i don't know yeah or like like you you needed it so badly that you didn't have time to completely undress like that that kind of gets me also like the the way that boobs move under a shirt like a t-shirt it's just it is one of the life's simplest pleasures 100% clothed sex can be really fun so like try the no underwear dress or skirt thing but also try kind of a medley of what me and dane just mentioned

where it's like you start doing whatever while you're fully clothed and then you just pull your underwear to the side yeah you even just barely off you, and just keep everything you're wearing on apart from that. That can be really fun too. Again, not all the time. Now she also asked what are some things that they've done. So not just war, but is there something that they do something? Not just war.

Sorry, I sound like W-A-a-r yeah that's what i mean oh shit yeah no war does turn me on a lot oh my god yes see that's a vaguer question or it's not vague but like there's so many things to choose from that it's kind of like i know i always find like just changing things up is fun you know what i mean like if he's usually the one to initiate or take control you'll usually the one to initiate or take control, you'll be the one to initiate or take control if, or vice versa, you know?

If you, you know, usually have sex in the bedroom, jump on one. You're in the living room or, you know, while he's working from home, you know,

at a zoom meeting and you're under the desk. No, don't do that. His, his old face will give it away. Just like shaking things up like that it's really fun there's also something to be said about like if you tend to have like a longer lead up towards sex um you know i mean like if you guys are heavy into foreplay there's there's something to be said about like just kind of you know going right to it and then i mean sort of like a subverting expectation,

like you said, sort of like changing it up. You know what I mean? Because there's nothing, there's nothing that sort of like slows the sex role, like monotony and doing the same thing over and over again. And there's nothing wrong with having a consistent sex life. I don't want to make it sound like you need to fucking do something crazy every fucking time.

You don't, but just every now and then like niles said if if something has changed something's a little different like you break the rhythm just a little bit it's it's night and day like it's such a huge difference even if you're just doing something as small as you know he just got out of the shower and you you know take his towel off and sort of like start giving a hand job yeah 100 and like that can play quite well into the clothing sex as well if you just get to it really quickly and if you usually get to it really quickly slow things down give him like an achingly slow blow job you know drag it out or just pin him down and sit in his face you know i feel like it's it's all about shaking things up you guys have already had these talks you know i mean like you literally asked him what he was into i don't think there's like there's

also nothing wrong with just sort of being like if he's you know playing video games or something on the couch or watching a movie or you know just sitting in bed reading a book there's nothing wrong with you like coming up beside him being like what would you think if i you know sucks your cock right now and like that sort of like that jarring sort of breaking the expectation of being like oh you know he thinks you might just be coming over to sit beside him or like kiss him on the cheek or whatever and like to hit him with that like that overtly sexual offer it's to blow his mind. Have you tried spreading his dick tip and putting your clit inside? By the way, just in case anyone is

listening and is, you know, ever considering that, don't, right? We're agreed on this. Don't ever, right? I feel like, hey, we're not here to tell people what they should or shouldn't do. I mean, we kind of are. But I feel like if that's ever going here to tell people what they should or shouldn't do i mean we kind of are but i feel like if that's ever going to happen the man has to initiate well yes you can't

just spread someone's dick tip without oh without express consent and desire yeah like this is this is not a game that you play ever but i think you you have sort of unlimited options and i think it is just sort of act on impulse. You know what I mean? Don't overthink it. Don't double think yourself. Just sort of be like, if there's ever a time where you're struck by that horny feeling, just do it. Just move.

Even if you're like, I don't know if now is the right time. Hit them with it. Unless it's like a funeral or something. Don't do it then. Grief is an arousing force. Yeah, it's the strongest funeral or something. Don't do it then. Grief is a, uh, isn't a rousing force. Yeah. It's the strongest aphrodisiac. That's what I was trying to say.

Um, as we all learned from the nineties and two thousands comedy. So do hit them at a funeral. Um, okay. You ready? Yep. Or do you got anything else to throw in there?

Nope. This is by throw our a competition. I 30 year old male have been married to my wife, Helen, 26-year-old female, for four years now and together for seven. She's been my rock, my savior, through a lot of my early struggles. And we have two children, a one-year-old and a 2.5 years old. Problem we're having is difficult to deal with because I do not know what the correct move is. I have an employee, Layla, 23-year-old, that works for me. Functioning as both my sales partner and my number cruncher. She's been working for me for almost three years now. My wife is convinced she

has strong feelings for me. Is it because of literally anything Layla has done or said to me? Nope. So why does my wife think Layla is in love with me? Because my wife thinks she has found Layla's online anonymous story about me and her. There's a bit of history to this that makes the situation even stickier. My wife used to be a writer for an online children's show slash web series. Writing is her passion. She worked hard at her job, but in 2016, another writer, who we'll call Writer X, started bullying her. I'll spare the details, but it ended in several other writers ganging up on her and basically canceling her. We've had serious long-term repercussions to my wife's confidence and self-worth, which we've been working on.

I thought things were getting better, especially since we've had kids, and my wife has a new calling in life, to make an awesome home for our family. But her mood took a nosedive a bit more a few months ago when she was checking up on Writer X and found the writer's blog was picking up some traction, writing weekly installments to a romance story. It has some non-negligible coincidences. Her character applies to a small business and the interview is unconventional,

involved walking around the city and talking. Her character's boss's name is not a real name, entirely made up, but has the same initials as mine. And her character travels with her boss on long distance sales trips, including one specific city in her story that we also went to. Every single week,

she updates this long running story on her blog and the two main characters are her and her boss. I'll be honest, I haven't read through the story because it's huge, but I know it involved tons of sexual tension, flirting, teasing, will-they-won't-they vibes, and explicit dream sequences involving the characters. My wife is dealing with all this pent-up fury and insecurity about the possibility that it really is Layla, and the fear that some percent of these stories are true. Can't even pin down the problem because every time we talk about it, she'll admit it's silly. She's probably not Layla.

And even if it is, why does it matter if she's writing anonymous fanfic about a character with my initials? But even though she says it, she has quasi panic attacks reading newest installment, which she religiously reads. She refused both my attempts to get her to talk to a therapist. She's defensive about the situation and refuses to admit there's a problem.

But I know on the inside, she's living through a weird nightmare where her bully steals away her husband. Does anyone here have any experience with something like this? There's zero chance I'm going to bring this up to Layla. I'm her mentor and her boss, and having this kind of conversation is not how I want to run my company, but my wife's paranoia is chipping away at her sense of reality. Two days ago when we were having sex, she did something she's never done before, which I very much enjoyed, but then the next morning I found out she tried it because Writer X's character did it with her boss. Like, what the actual hell can I do when she isn't ready to admit that there's a problem? Oof. There's a few things... Wife thinks her bully is writing romance fiction about me.

So, does the wife not know who writer x is presumably not because like that seems weird that you worked with this person and they have somehow like managed to bully you get all the co-workers to then bully you and get you fired from a job how did you not know i assume it was like via online okay so whatever she was writing or whatever was going out like online a bunch of writers started like harassing her and ganging up and canceling her i assume it wasn't like in work oh i thought it was like i thought they all worked together as writers on the same show no i don't believe so because otherwise this doesn't make any sense yeah and that's why i was just like surely you know if they're the same people like surely there's a solution is you know invite your wife out for lunch when you and leila are having

lunch and be like is this her yeah well i know like most of uh most of the like on like most writer bullying and writer canceling just happens online, like usually Twitter. That's fair. Yes. Kind of what I'm assuming. I thought it was like a writer's room like situation where they all were working on the same show together. But I mean, even even still, I imagine if this writer is trying to gain traction, they're using a name. I mean, I guess,

yes, it could be a fake name, but like, it should be easy enough to like search that up. Wouldn't it? You would imagine. So like, they might just have an online blog that like is anonymous,

which like, if they're doing something on the smuttier side, they might not want related to their actual profession, you know, especially if it's uh if they were in like children's shows as well like the other person was like i assume there's some connection there but they said that the blog is written by writer x yes what i'm saying is if you're writing a smutty blog you probably don't want to connect it to your real name right but

it might be your online persona that you also use to bully people. Right. So writer X and the blog could be the same. Because again, if you're going to be a shit bag and like bully people to the point where they like, you know, or you're effectively harassing people, you probably also don't want that

connected to you professionally. Yeah. So I mean, like short of doing that kind of detective work and being like, see there, this is who they are. Here's a Facebook profile for this person. That is not Layla.

Check it out. That's the thing. If it is, you gotta, you gotta smoke her out. I think there's a few ways to do this. I think you could do the detective route where you try and maybe, maybe get onto her. Like, oh, I'm from erotic weekly you know the oh hey i'm from fuck buddies podcast and we want to feature your erotic story uh would we be able to get a picture maybe even just a skype call we're gonna have you on the app so fuck we will do this if you

message us in we will invite her to be on the podcast and you can be like oh shit that's leila's voice right there but other than that i think the way you gotta do it is catch a fox you gotta be foxy so you need to come up with a brand new habit something fucking bizarre like something like inescapable right like maybe you start you know those like chewing tobacco and like those buckets that go like maybe you just gotta carry one around everywhere you know or like gotta get that chew going baby right maybe like really dry crackers all the time to the point where like when you talk like a little mist of like cracker dust comes out because you just won't drink water but you can't stop eating dry dry no no no it's not gonna work because this person is painting them as like they're not gonna turn their main character

into unattractive even better to do is you need to start wearing a distinctive thing well you're following you're you're putting down you're getting down when i'm putting up or whatever you're putting up while i'm putting down i don't know what the term is right now because i'm thinking about a clitoris penetrating my penis. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Because either one way you are so unattractive that they stop and everything's solved or it can't help but show up in the story. Maybe you start calling yourself the kid. Hey, that's my thing.

I believe not. And I feel like if you do something like this and it shows up like, oh, shit. Maybe like mention that you guys have like a big trip to a certain city. Mm hmm. You know what I mean? And like really lay on that, like, you know, but the hotel and about like, you know, I mean, be real suggestive about this trip. But obviously, like, just in case it's not, don't be creepy about it.

But like pepper down enough, like really juicy details that if they make their you know same idea if they if like all of a sudden there's like this big trip on the horizon and and the main character you know this this character in the blog is going to make her big move great okay cool alternatively i think it's a great idea like when you said do a skype message her on twitter and be like hey we're i'm a writer for this magazine um let's we'd love to like your blog is picking up traction we'd love to interview her get her on a skype call look at her you know what i mean and be like just like even if she only wants to do voice or whatever or ask if she can send a picture because you want to put it on your article or even just ask her question be like oh like where do you live what city do you live in blah blah blah blah because

like the thing about this person as well right like if you if you slip them details that start to become details about you that they can safely use they will use them because why else would you start to put things from real life like your interview and like your the initials and the city like the person wants to be able to say it's you and feels like they can't so as much of you as they can put in they're going to so if you give them safe ways to do it they will and that's an easy way to prove that you know if all of a sudden her character starts just having chewing tobacco everywhere that's that's a pretty dead giveaway. The likelihood of this Twitter bully living in the same city as you,

you know, finding where your husband works, getting a job with them simply, and then writing a blog in hopes that you see it simply to like destroy your poor wife's life is far-fetched. I'm not saying it's impossible. But it's the next best thing to impossible. It's pretty unlikely unless this is some like gone girl level shit.

Yeah. Again, could happen. But I think like the the focus should be on your wife and the focus should be getting her to talk to you and getting her help. And whether that is something where it's like maybe you just block the blog and i know that seems a bit manipulative to like maybe get on her computer her phone or whatever and like block it you know what i mean or suggest that she stops reading it yeah like look this is this is actively having a terrible effect on your mental health you need to stop reading it and if you need me to block it i will

like i will put a password on that fucking site and make sure that you can't access it because like you know we've all been there we're like we know we shouldn't be looking at our ex's instagram but we do because we're fucking idiots so it's like it's it's one thing to be like oh stop reading it and the person being like okay i will and then they won't because it's so thing to be like, oh, stop reading it. And the person being like, okay, I will. And then they won't. Because it's so easy to do. Like, literally just so easy. You type a few fucking things on the keyboard and it's there. And, like, it's hard to really appreciate the damage it does as well.

It's like if it was reaching out and touching a stove, no one would do it. But it's like it's hard to really pin down what it does. You just do it. You know what I mean? Like, the curiosity and the ease far outweigh any possible consequences but like this is one of those things where this is clearly clearly very bad for your wife so it's like maybe no ask to go to therapy or you know i mean maybe just put your foot down you know what i mean like you're in a relationship and it's their health if they were very ill and wouldn't go to the doctor i'm sure you would really press the issue and mental health is

no different the physical illness you really need to get her to go and talk to somebody and offer to do it with her like this is your relationship you know what i mean like this is this is affecting you guys as a as a unit and as a couple be like hey babe let's go talk to someone about this um also reassure that like even if this is in the wildest scenario you know writer x is leila you have no interest in her yeah it's not like there isn't any sort of like i you know i kind of have feelings for leila there was none of that yeah so tell her and be like hey even if this bizarre situation is happening i love you you're my wife and nothing's going to change that yeah no one's going to steal me away from you so let's go talk about this let's get this under control i'll go with you but i like that i think

is really that the most important thing to do yeah no 100 i think you you need to lay that down uh if you can try to pepper in some things it's a little far-fetched but hey why not and yeah now the thing is dan what if the wife is writing it oh now we're we're really going gone girl right so you think the wife is trying to frame leila oh i didn't even think about that. Holy shit. Like what if Mr. X never existed? What if writer X was the wife?

I like how writer X temporarily became Mr. X. I know. What if, what if that whole city, maybe she got fired for another reason, made up this fake account. Oh man. She's jealous of Layla for whatever reason. You know, we get jealous.

That's fine. But it's now trying to like who else has all the details of the trips that's the thing right it's as likely that it's the wife as it is Layla oh man this is I don't know what to think about that

I'm sorry I just threw a wrench in the cogs yeah the gears even because i mean like yeah you know your wife knows all your details your wife knows and it's like why why would she try a new thing yeah she wrote it she knew about it also it's like it seems really weird that you would hate this blog and be scared of it and then do something like this and like it didn't even seem like they had an argument about it like she just casually dropped it the next day that like oh it's from the blog right because you'd imagine like the only reason to do that would be like aha you do like

your dick being penetrated by a cliff yeah i don't know i i think i mean like barring the sort of like peripheral insanity of these situations happening get your get your poor wife some help. She's struggling and you have to be sort of the one that guides her in the right direction. You know what you do? You tell your wife that you're going to do something only around Layla to see if it's her but you do something different around leila so if the first thing comes up on the blog you know it's your wife if the second thing comes up you know it's leila it's the business trip you you have to tell one that you're going to like oh we're going to you know chicago tell leila you're going to fucking you know idaho yeah you know toronto

and then who whatever one pops up in the blog yeah like do you fuck in a comedy show or do you fuck covered in maple syrup yeah um alternatively like this could be like no i was gonna say like could be like someone lay knows. And it's just sort of stealing Layla's life. But even then, the chances of it being writer X bullying. Oh, boy. But no, 100% reassure her therapy if possible, and then maybe try some sneaky shit. But the other two are way more important than realistic. Yeah. All right we are we giving it

giving it up now we call i think so are you ready for some tinders though well we'll do a few yeah all right well thank you again everyone who sent in some tinders i'm just gonna hit you with this one this is jemma i'm not gonna be the girl you'll marry but i'll be the girl you're thinking about 20 years from now while you engage in polite sex with your boring wife who fakes her orgasm to make you feel better about your receding hairline. Yikes. I was almost like, okay, I know what you're about, but like you just attacked everything about your potential sexual partner. Right? Like, I mean, one thing to be like, oh, you know, your future partner is going to be boring to sort of like you know boost her own ego but to then be like you're bad in bed and you're going to be ugly is right

it's a little harsh it's a little shitty it's a bold move it went from funny to kind of just bitter yeah yeah like it doesn't i think she's trying to come off as like edgy but yeah it just does come off as a little bit petty and like yeah also like insecure right it seems like they're probably going to be the boring life faking an orgasm yeah i'm giving it a five i'm gonna go i'm gonna say like a three this is mila gentlemen stop asking about my job in my humble opinion your job is seen as a major reflection of your status and worth as a person. Unfairly, I would say, but social norms aren't often fair. So to ask someone what they do is to be very direct about wanting to know their social rank in a way. It can make people

uncomfortable or insecure if their job isn't as prestigious as they want it to be, or they're in a low prestige job compared to most people in the world. Respect, please. Pray emoji. I mean, I don't disagree with her. It's just a weird thing to put on your dating profile i literally word for word my exact thoughts what what is her job i mean if there's one thing to like it you know it's the button situation right like if there's one way to get someone to want to talk about something you don't want to talk about tell them not to talk about it and then go on a tirade it's the only thing hey that button don't press it don't press it it's like of course everyone is going to want to press that button meanwhile she's like posing with like all the louis vuitton and like a diamond ring and like fancy glasses and like so here's like and she's like posed perfectly in the snow

with all these like social status symbols very much on display so it's like the i don't know the the irony here i don't think it's irony i think it is specifically she wants to be asked about her job right well yes probably i think that is like the big thing of her being like please don't ask me about my job look at all the money i make. Look at all my, my social status. Look at like where I am, you know, in terms of like visual appeal, but please don't ask me about my job.

It's like, of course people are going to ask about the job and you're, she's probably going to, she probably has her like big speech and be like, if you must know, it's this. Yeah. It's,

you know what? You're probably right. I doubt she like actually has a job she's ashamed of or doesn't like. Of course. Because you probably wouldn't want to draw so much attention to it if that was the case. She's like, oh, I just don't want everyone to know how socially high I am. Yeah,

exactly. Either way, I'm giving it a two. Yeah, I'm not feeling it. I'm giving it a two as well. All right. It's Christine. Just moved to Buffalo. Loving it so far. Excited to meet new people with social distancing and such.

For now. Wink. Married. And kind of open. Let's chat. Ooh, okay. I was going to say really boring, but nothing wrong with it. I would definitely like...

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I think i would need clarification on what kind of open yeah kind of open is so fucking vague yeah i've like i don't think it would be enough for me to like say no i would that's a yes but arguably i think it's a reddish flag but it's also a very intriguing thing because it's like, what do you mean kind of open? I think that's a very good way to open the conversation and continue. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I would say yes to this. And I would, you know, if the explanation is, oh, yeah, we're open.

My husband doesn't know, though. Yeah, I feel like it hinges very specifically on how she explains kinda open. Yeah, that's that I think is the, it's a red flag in my hand. I haven't raised it yet. I certainly haven't like, you know, stuck it in the ground.

But it's in my hand and it's ready to go. So I would put it at like a 5 because I don't know which way it would go. Okay, yeah, six and lastly we have oliver oh my cat they do what's he doing on uh he's posing with a paw over his head on a red couch looking uninterested that's my boy. Yeah. They slash them, or as my niece says, boy slash girl, like G-U-R-L, B-O-I. Non-monogamous. I teach yoga and run a theater company. My life revolves around yoga, meditation, and art.

I'm a Celtic witch, sensitive bitch, cat parent, hoarder of books and records, leprechaun, fairy, and elf. I am a switch. I love to dominate doms looking for cute dates and hand-holding social and eco justice lights my fire rainbow smart people who read and love to debate also make me wet tell me about something good you read recently rainbow you know i think this is one of those profiles that sort of like goes all in that does it right. You know, we've had a lot of those like, you know, angry feminists, this walk through a graveyard, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, like those ones.

And we've trashed them. I think if you're going to do it, I think this is sort of like the right way to do it. I'm still not crazy about it. I think it's still a little too much, but I don't think there's anything there that really sort of like puts me off. I kind of agree. I feel like they're both in the same category. Whereas like once they hit a point,

one veers wildly into just like try hardy and annoying and whatever. And this one still kind of seems light. And it's like, it's, it's a lot of positive things about themselves yeah I find that it throws me off when it like that anger

or that sort of like whatever like whatever that steez is starts getting projected outward you know what I mean I think that's when it goes off the rails for me but this is all like this is what I'm about and it's like none of it's really negative or like toxic in my opinion you know the celtic witch elf thing is a bit yeah i'm not gonna lie anyone who describes themselves as a mythical creature i just find

painful yeah like i don't know from a guy this is from a guy who writes fantasy novels and who's literally a leprechaun i can make that joke because you're not near me uh i'm coming i'm coming to bite your kneecap uh yeah anybody who describes themselves as a leprechaun or an elf like i i just just i don't know yeah it's not for me but know if it's, I wouldn't call it a red flag. No, I'm kidding. This person overall a seven. Yeah, I think seven is right. Let's end this.

Okay. Thank you very much for listening. And thank you very much for listening. If you've been with us since the beginning, you're a fucking legend and we love you. If you joined midway through, if this is the first episode you're listening to, it doesn't matter. If you've listened to a few, if you listen midway through, if this is the first episode you're listening to, it doesn't matter.

If you've listened to a few, if you listen to them all, we appreciate you. And you're the reason we're doing what we're doing. And it means the world to us that you guys listen to us and share us and ask us questions and are willing to be a part of sort of us doing what we can in the hopes that we make the world a little better and we make sex a little better for everyone. And we, we hopefully make it a little safer for the people who, who are at risk. Yeah, no,

I, I really appreciate like everyone again, if you've listened even to one or two, um, but especially everyone who's been here for a hundred and many people who've, uh, you know, who've sent us multiple questions or, us feedback or thanked us or anything.

We've gotten some really, really nice messages over the last 100 episodes, and every single one of them makes my week. And this thing, it's like, I really only need one. You know what I mean? We've talked about her a lot. Agent Luxury, when we answered her question, she sent us a very,

very, very nice email in response and like an update. And, and that for me, I think it was like one of the first times we've really got that kind of reaction from someone. And, and it was like,

cool, this has been worth it. Yeah. Like that's the thing. Even if it was just that it would have been, been worth it already. Yeah. And like everyone we've interacted with through the podcast with the like

brief exception of people just messaging us to ask for sex has been really super positive. And like everyone that we know of who listens, they're all really great people. And I think that's just such a compliment, you know what I mean? To, to see great people come and listen to your stuff, you know?

Cause you know, what, what did we ever do to be worth you guys? And it's, it's amazing. We really appreciate it. Yeah. So we, we, we, we say it every episode, but, but thank you very much for listening. We've done a hundred and we're going to try to do another hundred, you know? Wait, what? Yeah, man, we try to do another hundred, you know? And yeah,

man, we signed up for another hundred. Oh man. I asked you at least negotiate a better rate. I did it. I didn't, I didn't, I just sort of,

they were like, you want to do another hundred? I was like, yeah, let's do it. Are we doing a worse rate though? We're not doing worse. Okay. So we're still on zero dollars.

Yes. We're still at zero. We're not paying to do it yet. Oh wait, wait. What about the website? We're still paying for that, right? Yeah. We're still doing worse. Okay, so we're still on $0. Yes, we're still at $0. We're not paying to do it yet. Oh, wait. Wait, what about the website? We're still paying for that, right? Yeah, we're still paying for that. Okay.

It's fine. We'll hustle something else on the side. We'll figure something out. Yeah, no, 100%. We're not stopping this anytime soon, as far as I'm aware. And we still haven't missed one, so fucking congrats to us. Yeah, we even went on fucking vacation and didn't miss a fucking episode yeah we've done dumb things like record multiple in one day and then just go loopy from one heat exhaustion to

whiskey and three just i don't know recording a podcast can can take it out of you sometimes yeah um so thank you again for the bottom of our hearts. Thank you so much. And thank you, Dan. Thank you for doing all the like the editing and stitching everything together. Always have it up on time. It always sounds great. And you're the fucking best host,

a man or co-host anyone could ever ask for. Well, and likewise, thank you for doing all the social media stuff because I sure as fuck don't have the patience for it. Well, I try. All right.

Thank you. Josh Eagle in the Harbor Cities for Songpaper Stars. And thank you for kicking off our episodes every day for, or not every day, but every 100 episodes. Yeah. It's 100 episodes with that sweet, sweet vocal man. It's fucking great. Great tune.

All right. Do you have, I'm hesitant to ask if you have another sex writing because you did say you had one. I do. I do. Don't worry. I came in heavier than i'm gonna leave okay i don't know if you can come any heavier than it was and i mean that because i was so aroused by it i came so heavily you didn't have to say it again you didn't respond i don't know um this is the castle in the Forest by Norman Mailer. So Clara turned head to foot and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard breathing nose and mouth and took his old battering ram into her lips.

Uncle was now soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless, with an avidity that could only come from the evil one that she knew. From there, the impulse had come. So now they both had their heads at the wrong end and the evil one was there he had never been so close before i'm you know what i think i'm gonna start doing i think i'm gonna start uh posting instagram videos of my face when you read these you didn't like that uncle was soft as a coil of excrement? Yeah, that when she was putting his dick in her mouth, she was like, hey, this is kind of like a turd.

And also Uncle? I mean, yeah, at this point, like, the descriptions of people and, like, who they are in relation to who they're fucking really doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Like, I... Like, we literally had a fucking, you know, capitalist tycoon

shitting himself in a diaper last week how dare you talk about donald trump like that oh what a shithead hey vote by the way oh yeah i mean it's not for trump please if you're in the in the states in the america um register to vote and and please put that man out of office and out of like just obliterate him from relevancy and make sure that no one ever talks about him or his stupid family ever again yeah i know it's it's not the best choice you know that you're you're stuck with but like it's an easy one it should be at least that's the thing it's like it's such an easy choice uh so please please please please figure out what you need to do to vote safely to vote securely look up the you know don't wait until the last minute to see what you got to do i know

there's a lot of advanced polling and shit like that so like if you can do it ahead of time please do it uh we need you to because we really want to go back into your beautiful country and meet all you beautiful faces uh i miss all my american friends i know i i miss them and i'm worried about them and i and i'm worried about anyone who's listening in the States. Our hearts go out to you again. I can't tell you how much we love your country. And, and literally every memory I have of being in the States is incredible.

And that's including the time I was so fucking alcohol poisoned that I had to get off the fucking like a train seven times and just vomit in the bin to throw up in a trash can like i look back at that fondly that's how much i love your country just the two of us fucked up on hangovers just animated uh fucking adam's family movie just like miserable yeah that was great for a 10 hour bus. Oh God. Uh, yeah.

So just stay safe over there guys. And we should probably stop this podcast. Yes. Um, to send us off on our, uh, 100th episode, I have a delectable little quote,

uh, our porn hub comment from the porn hub, a streaming service. This comes from Jack 3M. I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course,

I declined because I'm a person with high moral standards and strong willpower, just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with scented vanilla or lemon. My name is Dane Miller and I'm now Spain. We've been your fuck buddies and to, to see us out at the end, um, we are going to play.

We, we asked, uh, if people would send us in little clips about the show and to wish, you know, to celebrate with us. Um, and,

uh, we are going to end with that. So thank you very much to the people who sent us the clips. It means the world to us. Hey guys, agent freedom here from Brampton. Congrats on the a hundred episodes. I'm always looking forward to the next one.

Hey guys, it's agent Valley and heart here. Just want to say congratulations on 100 episodes. Can't wait to hear the next 100. Hey Dana and Niall. It's Agent Kingdom from the Philippines. Happy 100th episode. Hey, Fuck Buddies listeners.

It's your friendly neighborhood spite witch stopping in to congratulate Dane and Niall on an incredible 100 episodes. Hey, Fuck Buddies. Happy 100th episode. Love from your number one friend in the Philippines, Agent Sloan. Hello, Niall and Dane. And congratulations on happy 100th episode. Love from your number one friend in the Philippines, Agent Sloan. Hello, Niall and Dane.

And congratulations on your 100th episode of Fuck Buddies. Hey, Niall and Dane. Happy 100th, guys. Yeah, sure. Hey. Okay. Hello, Niall Spain. Hello, Dane Miller.

Happy 100th episode. I love you guys. Niall, Dane,. Happy 100th episode. I love you guys. Niall, Dane, Fuck Buddies Podcast Universe. Happy 100th. Hi, Niall and Dane. Big congrats on your 100th episode. Happy 100th. You sly old

dogs. Happy 100th Fuck Buddies. You guys fucking rule. I'm delighted to see you guys making 100 episodes but i'm honestly not surprised i've loved your podcast from the get-go it's so much fun i look forward to it every week love tuning in every monday to listen to you guys fuck buddies is such a great way to start my week please continue what you're doing because i really enjoy your podcasts every week thank you again so so much for all of the support that you've given me and the wonderful advice.

I've sent you in quite a few questions and you always come through for me. They've given me a lot of hope for the future and I can't thank you enough. Over the time, you guys have actually helped me with a couple of my own personal issues for which I'm very grateful. I'm so excited. I'm so happy for you guys. I'm so happy to be a little part of it. I can't wait to see what else you guys do, how many people you guys reach out to. It's always so fun and entertaining listening to you guys. And I just can't wait to watch you take over the world of sex and dating podcasting. In a year when most people have the communication skills of a fucking alarm clock,

Buck Buddies is here to bring nuance and delicacy to all of your intimate encounters. And remember, if you can't be right, there's always spite. Love ya! It's a huge relief to be able to ask relationship and dating questions without feeling like you're being judged. Keep doing what you're doing, keep staying anti-sexist and anti-misogyny and all of that. I'm so delighted to see you guys out there being positive role models for men in today's dating worlds and as you know I've worked with young people and teenagers and young men for years and

I've seen the problems that incel culture and pickup artistry have had on our generation. And it's just so great to see you guys out there offering such a good alternative in a way that's really accessible. And honestly, it's something I would recommend to any young men who are trying to find their way in the dating world today. I love you both. And I'll say it again, just in case it didn't come through the first time. Happy 100th episode. Here's looking forward to 100 more. Love you both. More power and here's to 100 more.

You guys are the best. Love you so much and congratulations. Happy 100th. I wish you guys all the best and here's to 100 more.