F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 101 - Sodomy Monster

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

Oh boy!  I don't know what to say about this one, y'all.  I suppose this is just the energy we're bringing to the 100s.  Topics include how to slow a dude's sex roll, how to bring a little 8 Mile into your relationship, boyfriend surveillance, the finest works of T. Shakespeare, the bravest bread maneuver, Dain brings us up to a date with our favourite dreamer and Niall provides quite possibly the wildest, and hottest, sex writing segment ever.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Miles Payne. And we are your fuck buddies. Welcome to season two.

I guess this is season three? Yeah, season two was one episode long. Um, I... No, we already did names. Um, oh god. We're starting over from one. I've forgotten how to do this. Um, we're Dating and one i've forgotten how to do this um we're dating and sex advice podcast

where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations uh simply put we take questions off either social media or from our lovely listeners and we answer them and on the topic of lovely listeners i just want to say thank you so much to everybody who well one listens but two especially everyone who sent in uh voice clips for our 100th episode because it made me feel a lot of things and it was fucking awesome so yeah i definitely got a little misty eyed when i was putting it all together it was very very sweet and i know we said thank you last episode and i know we say thank you every episode but i i think i i want to mirror uh now sentiment and thank you last episode. And I know we say thank you every episode, but I think I, I want to mirror, uh,

now sentiment and thank you very much. Uh, cause it, it meant a lot to us. Yeah, it was awesome. All right. So onto the dick jokes.

Uh, uh, we just, we just kick right in or we talk about what we did last night, which was shoot a computer monster in the butt a whole bunch of times. That was earlier today. Wasn't it? It was definitely last night.

Was it? Dane is losing his mind. So it's time to hit him with some questions. Pick one, two, three, or four. Three. Three. Okay, so we're going to start off in the realms of sanity. This is by Boopitybop.

Not ready to sleep with him yet. How to delay the sex a bit longer. So he's a 26-year-old male, and I'm a 23-year-old female. We've been texting and talking daily for a month and a half, and recently went on our third date, which was great and ended with a serious makeout session. He flat out suggested we go up to my place, and I told him I'm not ready for that and it's too early for me. He responded with just saying okay, but it came up again as a side side comment after we kissed goodbye and he was grabbing me, which was fun. And he said, you're sure you don't want me to come up to which I again responded, nope, sorry, not ready for that. Now he wants to set a fourth date and I would love to see him again, but I'm scared it'll come up again and that he'll pressure me. I mean,

I trust myself to not do anything I'm not comfortable with, but I'm afraid of a situation which he keeps on asking and hinting and I feel pressured and unsafe. I'll note that we are both looking for a serious relationship and he himself said he wants to take things slow so we did i guess what do i do uh prayer emoji i'd love to hear a guy's answer on how i can do things on my own pace without being pressured into them also while not hurting him help first things first you're not going to hurt him yes you know what i mean like there's if this dude is going to get hurt emotionally or whatever but you're not wanting to sleep with him at the beginning of a relationship then red flags galore red flags just all over the place there's no reality in which you

hurt him yeah uh and it's like it might be a little you know kicking his self-esteem or you know his ego if he's used to you know not having to wait that long sure that might happen but like if he gives a shit about you and is interested in you that shouldn't be that much of a deal and is also a decent person yeah um second i wouldn't look too much into i mean i guess it depends on how it how it played out but like there's i think it can be playful being like you're sure you don't want to come up as in like sort of you know if he's reading the sexual tension that you guys have between each other i think it could be like a fun playful throwaway i don't think it necessarily like could like again i think it really really depends on tone and delivery i don't think it it has to be super creepy to ask a second time

especially if things are like getting hot and heavy again and like as you're as you put it like it could be more of a like he's saying it just to let you know that he really wants to or like it's not like i'm actually like re-asking the question more just a damn. This is really good. Like I'm letting you know. Yeah. I mean, I've definitely been on dates where women have told me,

been like, Oh, Hey, I'm like, I've invited them back to my place. And they've been like, Oh, you know what?

I'm, I'm not like, I think I'm going to pass on. It's like, okay, great. But then like, you know, we I'm not like, I think I'm going to pass on. It's like, okay, great. But then like, you know, we'll be waiting for trying to hail her a cab or something and we'll be making it like outside the bar and it's getting, you know, hotter and heavier than it should be in a public place.

And I've definitely been like, are you double sure you don't want to come back? Because it's like, you know, things can change immediately. You know, the same way that you like you can rescind consent at any point and you can also, you know, give consent at any point. So and like there have been times where people have been like, actually, you know what? Fuck that. Let's go back to your place or like come back to my place. So I think I think that isn't something to really get hung up on unless it was done aggressively and creepily. Um, and that's sort of like up to your discretion, what that means. Um, on the flip side, I think you can sort of figure out if there are things

that you are willing to do, like maybe oral sex, um, or um or you know hand jobs or something like maybe there are things that you are comfortable doing and not going all the way with sex because like those are completely fine and and you know great yeah you're not gonna come and then be like oh if only i'd come a different way yeah like i've definitely been like on first dates where like women have invited me back and they've been like, I'm on my period and I don't really want to have sex. But I'm going to blow you. It's like, all right. Yeah. Blowjobs are incredible.

No one's ever been like, fuck. But other than that, like, I think I think you can definitely have a conversation and it's fine to do this over text. I think it eliminates some of the awkwardness to be like hey about last night like i'm very attracted to you and i do foresee a sexual relationship with you i just really want to make it clear that like i want to wait and i will let you know when i'm ready yeah there's no harm with that and like on the good side of things if he's like well fuck this then you've done yourself a favor and you're not going to waste any time on figuring out whether this guy's worth dating because he's not.

Or put yourself in a position where like he does that in person. Yeah, exactly. And on top of that, like on the flip side as well, like maybe go and, you know, you say you're interested in like a long-term relationship and blah, blah, blah. So it's like, maybe do like a proper, like, you know you say you're interested in like a uh a long-term relationship and blah blah blah so it's

like maybe do like a proper like you know full day date where like you go out somewhere and you know maybe you go to the zoo and you go to a restaurant like make it a full like day where you don't have time or or a place to to fuck you know what i mean like if you're out and you're doing a whole day activity you know what i mean like say oh you're out and you're doing a whole day activity, you know what I mean? Like say, Oh, I got to go. Like if you have plans later or if you have whatever, or if you just spend so much time together and you're not near one of your guys' places, you're not going to really have the opportunity to.

So like, it's kind of a double whammy there where it's like, you don't, you, you're not in that position of like being awkward. And on top of that, you get to really spend some quality time together and figure out if this person is worth a long-term relationship.

Yeah. And like you said, it's like, if at any point he's like, this is bullshit, I've done this, or I've spent this amount of money. I've,

we've gone on X amount of dates. It's sex time. Yeah. And you like move on. Then it's time. Yeah. Like it's, if he's not willing to respect your boundaries this early in a relationship, I can promise you it's not going to pan out well in the long term. Yeah.

I think that's all pretty, pretty concise advice. Hit me. That should have been the name of the podcast. Concise advice. Hey, we would have been able to actually, you know, run ads on Facebook. Although it's false advertising because it's rare that we are concise. This comes from SoFuckingShy off of Reddit. Hey, guys, I'm not sure what to do.

My boyfriend keeps embarrassing me around my friends. He is seven years younger than me, so he's 22 and I'm 29. So, yes, I understand there's a maturity gap here. Every time he meets one of my friends, he asks them if they like rap, and asks them if they want to hear him rap. They'll say sure, and then he puts on some weird voice and starts rapping pretty vulgar things. My friends are usually shocked and start laughing. Last night we were in a group of acquaintances, and he started rapping,

and they all were egging him on and laughing, and you could tell they were making fun of him he thinks he's such a good rapper but it makes me so embarrassed and i don't know what to do he's so sensitive and i don't want to hurt his feelings that's such a powerful move man oh like imagine just hey hi nice to meet you want to hear me rap no no no first he checks to see if that's their flavor. He's like, hey, do you like rapping? Or like rap music? Yeah, man, I don't like rap music. Great, you want to hear me spit some bars?

Because that's even better, because he's considerate as well as powerful. Yeah. He's not just going to bring the pain if you're into country. Yeah, it's fucking weird to just go to someone and start rapping at them. But if you know that it's their, you know, preferred flavor, then why not? Or even just that they're vaguely into it at all. Like, imagine doing this with any other kind of fucking music.

Hey, are you into Screamo? I was literally thinking about Screamo. Yeah, this... Oh oh i really want like questions like this piss me off that we can't just like open portals into just time and space and and just be there to witness this because like especially because it's not just like he's rapping out of nowhere which is embarrassing anyway the fact that he's not good at it and has a weird voice, which is embarrassing anyway. He just jumps straight to like vulgarity as well. Like, yeah. Oh, it's so wonderful.

The pieces of the puzzle here. Like I would like you said, I wish one. I don't believe this man doesn't have a SoundCloud. Oh, he must. Yeah. Does it say it in the questions at all? Can we? Yeah. Can we send a comment and ask for this person's soundcloud um because it would be it would be something special i will i will go back to this question

and see if i can i can uh suss out some some examples and play it for the old podcast can we get them to uh to to wrap our like song like our intro hell yeah get like a little josh eagle this guy hell yeah um i once uh so my ex's roommates like guy she was seeing was a self-proclaimed rapper and he lived down in kensington market and his his rap video i've probably watched it like upwards of a thousand times because it's one of the best things i've ever seen in my life it makes me cry laughing and i once bumped into him with a bathroom uh downtown toronto and i was very drunk and was like oh my god man i love your rap like and you know was kind of like gushing and he literally like looks me in the eye i was like oh my god i was thinking of giving it up and now i

won't and i was like what have i done you put that you put that evil in the world it could be this guy i wouldn't be surprised he they hooked up like once or twice and then he was like hey you want to hear my raps and like sent this really bizarrely filmed like acoustic rap set from his backyard of his apartment and uh it's it's great i think everyone in the world has like a story like that you know what i mean like where they like wow they know someone way to devalue my tale. No, I mean, like, they know someone who shouldn't be rapping, who is, like, adamant that they are going to make it. I think everyone knows someone like that. I find it funny because you don't really see the same thing with any other, like, genre of music. Like, no one's like, oh, yeah, like, hey, I'm really into jazz.

And then they're just, like, really bad at jazz. And no one tells them, like like hey i'm really into jazz and then they're just like really bad at jazz and no one tells them like that they can't play the saxophone or like you know i'm really into like do you want to hear me sing like country songs and they start spouting off about tractor and everyone's just like awkwardly like oh he knows nothing about tractors there's no other genre that has that i I think it's because rap requires usually either, either like, well, I wouldn't go that far.

No, sir. There's, there's a cultural element of rap, at least good rap. Like I'm not talking about fucking mumble rap and all that shit. Like there's a cultural element to like good rap of like, like a respect of history and i think a lot of people in this vein don't

respect the origins of rap or sort of like the cultural significance of rap or like any of the context of rap yeah and like there's there's also like a fair amount of musical talent to be a good rapper required. Yes. So when I said there, you don't require anything for rap. I meant in terms of like, if you want to play the saxophone one, you need a saxophone too. You need to like practice at it. Uh, similar guitar.

You need a guitar. You need to practice that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like rappers don't practice. Well, wait, wait for what i'm saying here i'm saying startup cost um and talent kind of like commitment like you can rap if you have a voice basically that's about it you don't even need much in the line of like a backbeat or anything um and like the rapping is kind of the main attraction right so that's why i think people can just like single-handedly be like i am a rapper i have a voice you know you don't need to be able to sing you don't need to be able to you

don't need to be musically skilled in terms of like playing an instrument or learning chords or anything you don't even need a backing band it's just like everyone you know so if you want to become a jazz artist you have to put in a bunch of stuff i guess probably cuts down all the people trying who aren't really into it whereas you're rapping it's like i've got a voice what if you want to be a jazz scat band uh yeah i'm pretty sure they would be terrible but there's no way jazz scat has ever been terrible so it's like an enigma that's true uh i once convinced my ex-girlfriend that i had a rap group back in ireland and i kept the joke going for so long that she did not know whether i was like being honest or not and when

we went to ireland was like does endog and the boys exist it was great uh yeah it's it's the same reason why so many people are like i'm a d DJ, but they have like Spotify on their fucking Mac book. And that's fair. That's their fucking like claim to fame. Okay. How do we help this person? Um, what, what can they do to avoid this embarrassment? Uh, write a diss track about him.

Yes, this is exactly correct. This is the only option you have is challenge him to a rap battle yeah and like here's the thing he's not expecting it but you are you can write and rehearse this rap you know him well enough to have like little details to like you know you can even like guide him into wearing a certain shirt which you can then reference in the you know what i mean start you gotta like peel it all back and start from scratch and be like if he wears a shirt that you're like man i can dunk on that shirt so hard when he puts it on be like baby that shit looks great on you i love when you wear that shirt and just you know put it on him when you wake up in the morning just be like hey hey wear that and he'll be like what and like just put it on yeah

just just do it he's not say no. He doesn't know clothes. And then, like, yeah. So there's two ways you can do this. And it's either when he meets a new friend of yours and says, like, oh, you want to hear me rap? And then she goes, no, they want to hear me rap. And he'll inevitably be like, okay, like, sure.

And then you're like, no, I can rap. And then jokingly be like, oh, we'll have a rap battle. I'm sure he'll be like, oh, this poor woman. And then you fucking like no i can rap and then jokingly be like oh we'll have a rap battle i'm sure he'll be like oh this poor woman and then you fucking scorched earth burn him to the ground or you enroll him in an actual honest to god like rap battle competition like an eight mile style exactly yes and you are also on the fucking ticket and you show up and you destroy him in front of his peers who are also rappers. Now the good thing about this is... Sorry, before you take him there, you have to go to his parents' house

for a spaghetti dinner and make sure he spills some on his shirt. No, no, you have to vomit on his shirt. If he won't do it, you have to. If you eat his mom's spaghetti and regurgitate it onto the clothing you picked out for him and then mock him about your vomit yes that's a power fucking move right there um and the thing is like you say like he's sensitive and stuff but this is different because one it's the game it's rap you know what i mean like if he gets beaten in the arena that's one thing but also you're gonna earn his fucking respect so you're gonna

end up in a better position than when you were you were and maybe he'll maybe he'll still harbor dreams of rap but two things will happen one he'll probably try to get better and two he'll be scared to do it around you yeah and this ptsd will, you will put him in such a PTSD hole when it comes to rapping in front of people that he will never do it again. Yeah. I think that's pretty much the only route. Yes. Do we,

do we want to give some actual advice? Maybe just, I don't like, I need to hear what he's saying but i guess like maybe just be like hey like why do you do the rap thing like what what is it about like first when you first meet someone that feel like that you feel like it's appropriate to just bust out a rap like that that's kind of strange maybe just talk to him about why he feels like he needs to i'm sure it's an insecurity thing like maybe he knows it's dumb and like he's trying to make himself the butt of

the joke or be like that funny guy and like it's just the biggest of all icebreakers like it's like dropping a bomb on ice because after you've done this vulgar rap and a weird voice out of nowhere like there are no walls left up knowing people like this i i bet he thinks he's killing it every time yeah well then like honestly i i do not know if you can be like hey just a heads up your rapping is very bad that's i mean like that's the the trouble of of like any sort of time your partner does something that they're not great at, whether it's like, you know, if they are posting Instagram videos of them,

like singing and playing guitar and they're fucking terrible. But, but like that's of their own accord. I think you need to be like, Hey, do you mind not wrapping around my friends? I think it's sort of inappropriate. You say some weird shit and,

and it's not something i want you to do around my friends if you want to do that with your friends by all means you know what i mean if you guys want to have a fucking weird like rap circle with you and your buddies do it but around my friends can you please you know cool it yeah and you can always phrase it like in a really nice way and be like look when like, just bust this out the second they see you, like, that's kind of all they see or think. And it's like, I want them to get to know you without, like, gimmicks, without, like, this kind of weirdness. And then one thing you can definitely mention without, like, probably offending them is the vulgarity. Be like, also, you're saying some weird shit or some hurtful shit or some, like, you know, offensive shit.

And I feel like that's a thing that he can't really take badly. You know what I mean? You're saying some weird shit or some hurtful shit or some like, you know, offensive shit. Um, and, and I feel like that's a thing that he can't really take badly. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because like at that point, if he's like, no,

fuck you, you're stifling my creativity. I'll say what I want. It's like, well, I'm asking you as your partner and out of respect for me and my friends to not do this. And if he's like, no,

I'm not going to, it's that's who i am and you're then don't like it yeah then it's like then maybe you guys shouldn't be together like if this is something that's so fundamentally part of who he is and also if your wishes if your wishes mean so little yeah because like you know people don't necessarily have to change who they are for you it could just be an incompatibility thing and it sounds like right now you guys are incompatible now how long have they been dating does it say i don't know i don't think so okay because what i want is for this person to like let's say this goes badly or they realize it's not going to work out do not dump him until you've introduced him to your parents because i want to i know i won't get to see it but i want

to know that there's a world where he meets your parents is like hey do you guys like rap and raps to them hey mr and mrs johnson you guys like rap because you know the mom's gonna kind of shrug but the dad's gonna be like yeah or vice versa i don't know yeah's going to be like, yeah. Or vice versa. I don't know. Yeah. Or it'll be like, no, we hate that shit in this house. And then he's like, I'm out. Or it'll be like a dirty dancing style thing. Or not dirty dancing. Footloose kind of thing where he like then

tries to convince your dad that like now is the time for rap. I just need that to happen. Challenge him to rap battle. That's the real way to do it. Yeah. My 17 year old male girlfriend, 22 year old female is asking me to wear a body that to happen. Challenge him to a rap battle. That's the real way to do it. Yeah. My 17-year-old male girlfriend, 22-year-old female, is asking me to wear a body camera to school. I am adamantly against this. What should I do? This is by Lukiboy00.

My girlfriend and I have been going out for the past two years. We met when I was working at a local gas station. She was a co-worker. We got along great and things progressed from there. I'm a very sociable person, but the parents of my girlfriend, I'm very flirty with women. To be honest, I kind of got where she was coming from,

so I tried to control my flow of conversation with people, but in time, this made me a smooth brain when it came to conversation. Don't know what that means. No, me neither. I love her, but since quarantine, we've basically been living together and her possessiveness has skyrocketed.

And whenever I bring up the topic of going back to school she freaks out with a few arguments about it but long story short the compromise she came up with was i wear a body camera to school to make sure i'm not flirting along with obvious legal reasons and my own personal privacy i'm very much against this i love her i really do and i want to make it work any advice would be appreciated thank you how is not a compromise. Like, what's the alternative? That you don't go to school? Sounds like it.

This is insanity. Yeah, I mean, like, one, you can't film people without their consent everywhere you go. Two, is she going to watch, like, eight hours of fucking footage a day to make sure that you're not flirting with people? So somebody like this, there is no conversation you're going to be able to have that isn't going to be considered flirting. And it's not even like him flirting.

It's going to be like, if a girl in his class smiles at him she's gonna be like what's that look about yeah or like looks at you or anything yeah i mean the the insecurity and jealousy here is so toxic so impossibly bad that i can't understand how like you aren't like addressing this with the most aggressive way possible of and being like this is i'm not doing that that's not an option that's not a compromise what you're asking me to do is lunacy yeah it's impossible firstly like you literally just would not be able to do it like flat out. Like there, there is no possibility of this ever being viable. Firstly.

So the very fact that it's becoming a, like if that's the compromise and the compromise is impossible, then what are you left with? You're left with either her way or your way. And your way is just go to school. And her way is, I guess, give up your education because she's insecure.

Yeah. Or like, you know, you guys break up or whatever. Which, hey, let me tell you, that's not a terrible idea. Yeah, 100%. Like, run. I don't think there is a other possibility here. Also, can we just revisit the age difference here? He's 17. She's 22.

They've been dating for two years. He was 15. She was 20 20 it's pretty fucking weird oh yeah even 17 to 22 is like you know it's a hearty enough gap that's a that's a good point 15 to 22 is it like i know we talk about age not being really a thing but like dating as a 20 year old dating a 15 year old that's that's wild difference because like it's not like you guys were a senior in high school and he was you know what i mean like he's like whatever that's fine but like a five-year age difference i mean like he was in junior high or you know i mean like he was he was not in the same school as you unless you had like a big ass fucking school.

Even then, like you wouldn't still be in high school if you were 20. Yeah. Like that, that's pretty fucked up. Like if it was a guy who was 20 and a girl who was 15, we'd be condemning this real hard. Yeah.

I didn't even think about the math there. Yeah. That's wild because like, it would be like a, a fifth grader dating a first grader. And that's crazy. Yeah. So I think that's part and parcel in why he isn't condemning this, as you said, in the harshest terms possible.

Because there's such an age and experiential difference that he's just kind of succumbing to her knowledge. Which is probably exactly why she's dating somebody so young so she can get them to do fucked up shit like this 100 yeah i mean i didn't go i like i didn't do the mental math there but yeah you're 100 right this this person i'm going to wager is not well no this person is an abuser and so i'm i'm switching my answer to yeah you have to leave that you have to get out of this relationship because you are not going to be safe no like ever like this is going to be one of the things where like she's going to accuse you of everything always no matter what you

do you will always not be doing it right and you will you know you'll be flirting with people or you're not trustworthy or whatever whatever whatever, whatever, and it's gonna fuck you up for life. Yeah. You need to get out of this. There is no other solution, really. And also, obviously, you didn't figure the math, because it's

a lot easier when you're looking at the screen with the question and not just hearing it. Also, with all the other bullshit swirling around it, right? Yeah. But yeah, run. Lukey boy, get the fuck out. Lukey boy, you gotta go. There are rare...

No, I was gonna say there are rare occasions when massive age differences work out. And I mean that when we're talking about ones that are legal. And this one was not legal when it began

and is still barely there. I don't know what country you're in, but usually it's 17, 17 18 and in that case it's like if you're within a few years i'm pretty sure a five-year age difference does not qualify for that this person is preying on you because you're younger and you need to get the fuck out yeah find a normal girl apparently you're really flirty so you'll be fine doing it yeah and they won't make you wear like surveillance equipment you'll be you'll be like more secure than police are oh man okay this comes from robie one um my 27 year old male girlfriend's 25 year old female bionicle addiction is ruining our

relationship i just want to start by saying that i love her oh that's weird uh i just want to start loving someone no he's like i just want to start with saying by loving her comma my girlfriend it's like yes we know that i love her my bionicle i just want to start by saying that i love her we met one year ago at a friend's party and then before long we started dating around two to three months ago we decided to take the relationship to the next level and move in together i know it was quick but moving in let us save money on rent we've always gotten on really well and haven't had any major arguments or issues ever since the covid lockdown started things haven't been the same she lost her job at the start of covid and for the first month everything was fine but recently she's been having to kill more and more time at home she She's always been into Bionicle and Lego.

And I guess I've always been cool with that. But things have just gotten worse. Initially, she just built some sets that she had at her parents. Recently, though, she's been binge rewatching the Bionicle movies for hours a day and playing with toys like a child. And now, when money is tight, she spends like $500 on Bionicles. I'm starting to find her less and less attractive due to this childish and obsessive behavior. How can I bring this up with her? I really don't want this to ruin things between us, but she's becoming increasingly distant and I don't know what to do.

Man, Bionicles were fucking sick, eh? I don't think... I was out of the phase when Bionicles came out. I had some pretty fucking cool Bionicles when I was a kid, man. It was fucking cool as hell. It's just like robot Lego, right? Like robots that you put together via Lego? Kind of, yeah. They're like Lego with

a different kind of way of inserting. And they had little wheels on their back. You could turn them and they'd move things. They're basically the love child between Transformers and Lego. Right, okay. They were fucking sick. I'd say just get into

Bionicle yourself. Quit your job and make that $1,000 on Bionicle a month. Yeah, can you turn this into a streaming thing? YouTube people watch all kinds of crazy shit if you like is she cute because like that's all you really need man yeah people who watch cute girls on youtube do whatever yeah like gamer bath water sell like bionicle bath waters but like these bionicles

bathed with me two thousand dollars each yeah um but really so here's what i think is happening i think she's having a very hard time with lockdown obviously you know we all did yeah and and like this is something that probably is reminiscent of a time that wasn't fucked yeah it's like her safe place right yeah she's like regressing to feel more comfortable um kind of like how a lot of people are jumping towards conspiracy theories to feel like they're more in control or whatever um and it's pretty fucked like if you know i think the worst thing here is probably the money you know because the rest you can kind of deal with or work through or whatever or even if you if it's not like permanent it's it's at least like tenable for the meantime.

But like if you're wasting money, if you're spending money you don't have and you're financially dragging both people down, like that is not good. And I think very like first off, you really need to talk about that priorities and, you know, money because you can't be doing that. You know what I mean? Like if you guys aren't doing well financially, the first thing to go is, you know, luxury goods and like non essentials. And unfortunately the world is cruel and bionicles are neither essential nor, uh,

you know, that's not the world I want to live in. Niall. I know. I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you this, but bionicles are non-essential workers. Um,

but a hundred percent, I'm nothing's going to crush your relationship more than like money problems um yeah and even like even if this is something like that you guys can't figure out you can still like care about the person as you mentioned and like you don't want to have to break up and know that she's fucked because she's spent all of her money yeah but even like you know like that's one thing you can very easily bring up as for the like re-watching bionicle movies and playing with them like she's a kid i don't know how harmful that is depending on like what her other options are like i don't know where this question asker is from and like if it's shut down

and like she lost her job like there may not be other jobs going so it's like if in the meantime all they're doing is being in isolation maybe leave that for now because honestly everyone had to figure out some way to deal with you know just the sheer lack of like social interactions so it's like whether it's playing a video game all day or like trying to like work out or you know baking everybody kind of put their energy into something and as long as it's not harmful and she's not like foregoing either time with you or time searching for a new job or something like that i don't think it's the worst for now you know yeah i mean like how many people like i know amanda re-watched all the harry potter movies and she's seen those a thousand times it's like we had nothing but time to kill and there's comfort in things that comfort you yeah so if if these things bring her happiness then it makes sense that she sort of

went all in on it i do think depending on the extent like if she's watching i don't know how many bionicle movies exist um how do you not know if she's watching I don't know how many Bionicle movies exist how do you not know that if she's watching the same like three movies like four times a day there are four thank you very much okay well if she's watching four movies three times a day like over and over

just like on repeat I would be concerned like I think that is a sign of you know something to be of, you know, something to be, to be worried about. You know what?

I do mostly agree, but I also know many people who will rewatch things like constantly. And I don't understand that. Yeah. But like, if he's saying binge rewatching, that makes me feel like it's happening, like on a daily basis. Again, if it's, if it's just binge rewatching that makes me feel like it's happening like on a daily basis again if it's if it's just like you know once you know once a week she

watches one of the movies then you know fuck it whatever but like if it's you know if she's watching these four movies every day and potentially multiple times in that day that would be concerning to me and i think it would also be concerning depending on like what he means by playing with them like a child yeah like like if she's literally regressing into childlike behavior that would be concerning as well yeah i kind of assumed he meant like the very act of playing with them was yeah you know if that's the case i don't think that's a problem you know what i mean like cool but if she's like you know actually you know playing

with them as if she were a child if that's like what's happening that's a that's a mental trauma issue that's happening and needs to be addressed by a professional now the thing is this might change your mind uh did you know who directed the bionicle movies michael bay shakespeare oh like william shakespeare now what's his first name it's shakespeare it's something you need to know okay what's his first name though now tell me it might be terry i'm not gonna lie there's a guy called terry shakespeare he directed the bionicle movies best all of them that's the best thing i've ever heard so technically i could be like yeah man i

am very well versed in shakespeare and just know everything about the Bionicle movies and not be a liar. 100%. Man, how cool would it be to go into like Harvard and be like, yes, no, I could probably recite word for word at least an entire Shakespeare. Entire Shakespeare and then just mumble movie.

And then proceed to enact almost like our B-movie friend and then just mumble movie and then proceed to enact almost like our B-movie friend reenact a solo man play of one of the Bionicle movies he also worked on an American

tale, Beauty and the Beast and 101 Dalmatians, all of whom were Shakespeare movies, I guess. Yeah. Some of Shakespearean finest. Oh, my God. I'm back on the side of the Bionicles.

They're made by Shakespeare. That's such a great name to go into this industry. Oh, my God. Yeah. So that's the thing. I feel like the money is just flat out a problem and it needs to be addressed it needs to be fixed the playing and the watching is definitely red flag adjacent if not fully red flag territory but there is like if you think just re-watching

things and playing with toys is itself a bad thing i don't think that's true especially not in these circumstances exactly because again like everyone's fucking lives got thrown for a loop so it's like you need to find something to do and like you know like the sheer amount of time you suddenly have is is crazy and it's really hard to balance that and come up with things it's like like maybe i don't know exactly what it is about bionicles that draws her to them but maybe there's another alternative that you could introduce her to which would like broaden her horizon give her more to do and like maybe you guys could get into it together like if it's like

having like minecraft playing minecraft together it's the same sort of like building thing you know what i mean like and and it's something you guys can do together yeah or even like uh you know if she likes playing with them maybe she's making up stories in her head and maybe like dnd or like some kind of role maybe there's a fucking bionicle role play game i don't know there's four movies written by shakespeare there's a world of bionicle i don't know about there's probably video games of bionicles as well yeah so maybe one of those or even like warhammer like maybe it's like having figurines and like you know maybe she could get them and construct and paint them like i don't know so maybe there's like a more positive way you could angle those things into but you definitely need

to sort out the money issue because you guys can't be fucking yourselves over like that yeah so i think it's time for real talk uh maybe don't be dismissive. Don't compare her to a child. Don't disparage her hobbies or the things she loves because there's nothing wrong with those. But, you know, focus on the really, like, the stuff that's just clear-cut bad, like the money. You can't spend money you don't have. That's just the way it is, especially not on things that aren't essential. Maybe watch a bionicle movie if they're made by shakespeare they might be fucking great this is by curly butthair

should i bake a loaf of bread for my date no i question hit me with number two i 22 year old male was talking to a girl 21 year old female and the conversation was kind of dying so i asked her she likes bread in an effort to continue the conversation, but also to break the ice with a small joke. We actually started talking about bread for a bit. Then the topic of romantic dates came up. So I jokingly said a walk at the park with a loaf of bread in hand is for me the most romantic date ever. She said long car rides in the sunset is the ideal romantic date for her, provided bread is also included. Eventually I asked her out and, jokingly, offered to bake bread for us to take in the car ride. She agreed. Now the day of the date is upon me, and I am preparing to bake the bread, jokingly. I told my family about the idea and they dismissed it as being too classless and weird.

I don't know. I don't think it's a bad idea. Plus I haven't baked bread in a while and I've warmed up to the idea of baking a whole wheat sesame loaf then again i'm no expert when it comes to date my question is would it be weird to bring a home-baked loaf of bread to my date should i do it okay this is kind of cute right um i told you it was nice but then i gave you the slip by saying it's by curly butt hair whichair, which it is. I don't know. I don't know why. My, like, what a fucking, like, just a wild move to be like, this conversation is dying. I know it'll save it.

Hey, do you like bread? Good old bread gambit. I mean, that's my, that's gonna be my new go-to move like if anyone's like oh how do i how do i talk to girls just be like ask them if they like bread brah what are they gonna say no and if they do leave them and with that sweet loaf um but here's the thing you've made so many jokes about this and so many reference about it I think it would be such a disappointment if you didn't bring the loaf of bread yeah

100% it's like I don't think you necessarily have to slice it up and serve it while you're on the date but I think it would be funny if like you know in the glove compartment you're like hey open that glove compartment and they pop it open and there's a fucking loaf of bread in there I think that's fucking you know what I mean like I think that's great you you know what I mean? Like, I think that's great.

You need to put it in the glove compartment because they need to get there and be like, he didn't do the bread thing. Okay. And then, oh shit, he did the bread thing. Like, this is so good. There's no, like, there's no downside here. If they're like, it's weird that you did the bread, then they're a fucking asshole. And they are not the kind of person you want to date if your go-to move is do you like bread you are not going to get on with someone who thinks you're weird for bread to the first date like these are incompatibilities right there uh that's the

thing you've opened this weird bread door this weird house made of bread and like you have to finish it you have to finish the joke you've set everything. It's like it's a fucking it's a fucking joke you've written here. And you're about to skip on the punchline. Yeah. It's you have especially like the best part is this person seems like they have a lot of bread experience as well. It's not like a random person was like shit. I got to learn how to bake bread now. They're like, I guess we'll do a sesame whole wheat loaf.

Like whatever. I haven't spent a while since i made bread it's like but also what i'm wondering is like this seems like an easy question to ask but it also seems like they have a lot of history with bread you know what i mean when they say it's a bad or it's been a while since they baked bread and that family thinks it's a bad idea do you think they get weird when they bake bread like do they have like a dark bread secret said it was classless right that's weird like what fucking rich ass family thinks bread is classless yeah i mean or maybe they're maybe they're so poor that they're like oh now you're just flaunting flaunting such a vital you know know, resource such as bread.

You're treating it with such like no class to just like make a loaf as a joke. Yeah. You can't just go around carting those luxury items. Bring a bionicle instead. Yeah. You've got to you've got to do the bread. A hundred percent. And like I get, like you said, if this person is like weirded out that you followed through

on this joke, they're an idiot and they don't know what comedy is and they don't know what, what a good time is. Yeah. Bake it. Now, speaking of comedy, are you ready for this? Are we going to make jokes finally? Um, I mean, this is, this is kind of one of my favorite running jokes that we have. Okay.

Oh my god, is she back? I had another dream of my ex last night. And his ex-girlfriend told me he doesn't care about me. That's right. And let me tell you, Better Betch has... This isn't a Dan situation. She has not been silent. I've just been waiting

Oh my god, you've been lying in wait? Yeah, so I have a I have like a combination of things A little backstory, if you're a fairly new listener and you don't know what the hell I'm talking about I found a Reddit user named BetterBetch and she posts her wild ass dreams about her

ex-boyfriend who gave her a terrible STD and it's been a very long journey of her curing it. Um, and she's on the road to recovery still there's, there's all kinds of drama going on where like, she thought he might've been bisexual and having sex with his boss. Um, he also was very, very stinky. That was a big thing that played into it was stinky. He was, um, he also really liked looking at women, which was a big problem. Um into it was how stinky he was. He also really liked looking at women, which was a big problem. But the, the,

the big thing was that she had these very sort of like clairvoyant dreams, I guess, these dreams that sort of illuminated things to her. And they were always crazy. And I believe last week we checked in with her, her boyfriend had died or her ex-boyfriend had died in a car crash. How long did it take you to compile this history? Oh, no, I'm so I'm so steeped in it.

It is part of my very being. I hear they have Shakespeare on to do the screenplay. I would love a Terry Shakespeare original. OK, we to tag Terry Shakespeare original. Okay. Can't wait to tag Terry Shakespeare in this conversation or this episode on Monday. Yeah. I had another dream of my ex last night and his ex-girlfriend told me he doesn't care about me. Oh, no.

As she was telling me how he was talking shit about me, in my mind, whatever, he tells me all your shit too. I imagine him being sketchy and glaring in his car. Perhaps when he died him. Oh no! It hurts a lot that he doesn't care about me. I felt a lot of deep-rooted

pain release, knowing I have all this pain because I chose to sleep with him and he didn't know what he had. The first time I broke up with him, I should have left him. But he told me he won't cheat sleep with him and he didn't know what he had. The first time I broke up with him, I should have left him. But he told me he won't cheat on me and he will love me forever. I really wanted to believe him. I really wanted us to work.

But after a while, it was the same shit. Him checking out girls, the confusing signs there was something else, the hidden line that he might be fucking a man and being bisexual. I know he's bisexual. Who in their right mind will... Who in their right mind will tell me he thought he was gay

and buy gay lingerie and lube? What's gay lingerie? I don't know, man. His eyes would glow when he sees another man's abs. Can't hide the truth. I was so sick of his shit. Just sick of his nasty smell. I hated talking to him on the phone because he would scream. He was like the rest of my exes. They have no idea why I don't like talking to them on the phone. It's because stuff they say is fucked up and disgusting. Even if I still have somewhat

feelings for my ex, I can't go back with him ever. I love my body more than him. I don't want to catch anything again. I do want to clarify that you don't have a choice to get back with him. He is dead. Is that it? No, there's another one. Well, can we just point out that

it almost sounds like the blurb for a thriller in a certain sense, where it's like the blurb for a thriller in certain say in a certain sense where it's like the the like question that there might be something else and the hidden line but also i think he's possessed because his eyes would glow only when he saw another man's abs yeah that's what triggers the demon inside of him yeah the bisexual gay lingerie wearing demon i assumed did she just like jock straps like i looked bisexual gay lingerie-wearing demon. I assume, didn't she just like jockstraps? Like, I looked up gay lingerie and nothing really came up. I don't know.

Like, the only thing I can think of is like, maybe like, if we're going to go real stereotypical, is like leather, you know, like leather chaps. And like maybe a leather like vest or like a mesh vest. I don't know. That's, when i think gay lingerie that's as close as i can come up with a mental image in my head i think the closest i get to is like there used to be a oh they're i don't know if it's still there there's like a sex shop down

the village in toronto and uh they had this display of like these like leather like gladiator like sex outfit thing and it was so fucking cool and i wanted it. I didn't know what I'd do with it. I'd probably look really silly, but that's the closest I can think of a lingerie. Maybe he just wanted to be a cool leather gladiator like I did. Yeah, maybe. This comes from BetterBitchAgain. After watching a Netflix show

or after watching a series of Netflix shows my ex was stinky, drinks alcohol, cheats, and very cheap. I think I found a guy every woman ends up dumping. I remember I would do neck stuff with him, and when I smelled him deeply, he stank. It was awful. Why is he so smelly? Also, what is neck stuff?

Is she always, like, kissing his neck? Or is she just, like, jerking with her neck? I don't know, man. So, there's one last post I want to read. Is Sue's like kissing his neck or she's like jerking with his neck at her neck? I don't know, man. So there's one last post I want to read. I'm not going to read the post, really. So my ex who gave me MG wants to get back together. He treated me like shit and I don't want to get reinfected.

He texted me flirting messages, blah, blah, blah. Here are the like symptoms that I'm currently experiencing. Yes, I love him. But even before I dated him, he likes a lot of women. He likes to have sex with multiple people at once. He did fuck a guy before. He loves cheating. I can't expose myself to MG again. And this time, I might not even get cured due to antibiotics resistance.

I can't live a life with STDs forever. I'm being worried of cheating. And then someone asked didn't you say the guy died in a car accident and she says i thought he did turns out he's alive and then same person asked what gave you the impression that he was dead in the first place and she says his friends his friends told me he's dead. And then another person, so this is part of the saga that I missed.

I thought you said he killed himself. He's alive now and wants to get back together. I'm sorry, he's alive now is a wild sentence. Well, that's exactly what the next person says. Alive now? As in he was dead and now isn't? What did he do? And she says I didn't ask. Just called

him some bad names. I'm not interested in his well-being after he left me in the hospital with MG. Imagine you came back from the dead and you meet your ex-girlfriend and she just calls you some bad names and walks away. Hey you stinky bitch, get out of here. Maybe that's why he smells bad. Maybe he's why he smells bad.

Maybe he's been dead this whole fucking time. He's a zombie. He just, like, keeps going back to life while his meat is slowly rotting. Maybe that's how he caught all these diseases. Oh my god, you solved it. So, that's, let me just tell you, it's been, I think, two years since I discovered Better Batch, and she's literally

still talking about the same two things, which is the disease she has and her ex to be fair if you had an ex that came back from the dead and also kept giving you diseases you'd probably still be talking about them too wouldn't you i mean i guess but yeah that was my better batch update okay uh that makes my life so happy um do we have time we probably don't have time for one more damn it it. I was going to do more Tinders. Uh-huh. But I think instead I'm going to read this email that I just got from one of our listeners.

Okay. This is going to be... They didn't give an agent name, so I'm just going to give them one. This is Agent IPA, and they got this sent to them on LinkedIn. So this is going to be our red flag scan of the day. Hello, Agent IPA. I'm so sorry to infringe on your privacy. It said a picture is worth a thousand words.

I read your profile on LinkedIn and you caught my eye. Light can be defined without the sun. Sweetness can be defined without honey. Fragrance can be defined without a rose. Sweetness can be defined without honey. Fragrance can be defined without a rose. But beauty cannot be defined without you. Oh, I'm interested in communicating more and sharing more about me with you and hope to learn more about you too. That is, if you are interested in communicating further. This is all new to me.

It's the first time I'd ever go against the protocol of doing business only on the LinkedIn website. I believe everything is possible if we set our mind and heart together, just like I believe good things can be found in the least places and when we least expect them. I do not just give out my personal details like email or phone to people off LinkedIn or on it, but I'm willing to make a compromise to communicate with you. So here I am emailing you off the site because I really wanted to touch base with you. I'm interested in making a friendship with you. This is me being honest. I hope no offense is taken.

I understand the medium is a business networking profile or business networking medium, another dating or social networking website. I don't intend to use it for one. I will wait for your response soon, hopefully. Without meeting or without hiding under the cloak of ambiguity, I convey to you my expressed desire to be a close friend, confidant, and someone to hope to meet someday. I may not expect you to completely disclose your identity due to the mischief of some operators on this platform. However, you may therefore wish to

know that there is someone who truly admires you and that someone is me, and me has a capital M. I do believe friendship can be established far across the realms of the ocean. And though miles may lay between us, we're never far apart. For friendship doesn't count the miles, it's measured by the heart. Making a thousand friends a year is not a miracle. The miracle is to make one friend that stands by you for a thousand years. Have a lovely day and hope to hear from you. Warm regards, Elwood.

Is that whose picture you sent me? that will be later okay i was like that's just ron perlman it is ron perlman don't worry i was gonna say is this guy trying to pass himself off as a famous actor no ron perlman will become become significant later on in the podcast. Okay. Cool. So this is like, like, I wonder, this is how I feel about like guys honking at women in cars. Has it ever worked?

Has anyone ever sent out a fucking LinkedIn like pickup line, especially like even not one as fucking extravagant as this, even just like any sort of attempt to pickup line, especially, like, even not one as fucking extravagant as this. Even just, like, any sort of attempt to be like, hey, I saw your picture. You're beautiful. On fucking LinkedIn, where women usually have pictures of, like, them in business attire, where, like, you know, the most

neutral possible photo. Has it ever worked? I'm gonna guess no. Yes. So, my girlfriend knows two people, and they they met on LinkedIn and they got married recently. And this is pretty much exactly what happened. Although I'm assuming the initial message was less fucking wild. Yeah. Well,

I, you know, I take it back. Keep fucking honking at women. Then also, dang, how would L would know if this works or not? Because this is the only time he would ever make this concession.

The only time he would ever send a message like this, ever. Honestly, he doesn't even give out his personal details like email or phone to people on LinkedIn or off. But he's willing to make a compromise to communicate. He's emailing you off the site because he really wants to touch base with her. Yeah. I'm sure it's not copy and pasted onto a fucking like notepad document on his desktop that he just like, uh, it's such a wild, wild message.

Yeah. Yeah. I think my favorite thing is like the business jargon scattered throughout it. You know what I mean? I want to touch base with you you know what i mean if you're interested in communicating further it's like i think this is a guy who all he can do is business he sold his soul uh to to be a good businessman and now

everything he's he does has to be business adjacent so do you think that's why he can't give out his number to people? Yes, exactly. In reality, he can only do it on LinkedIn if it's a business opportunity. Yes, so LinkedIn is kind of like his backdoor, where it's like, hey, it's a business profile, can I use that, Satan? And Satan's like, damn it, I guess you can.

He's like, cool. This also explains the 1,000 year... Right? How else are you going to live for 1,000 years? It's like, if you join me now we can be together after 1,000 years. Once we make it that 1,000 years, I will be freed from my shackles.

That was the curse that I need to break. He did say a lot of fantasy jargon too. You're right. He did say far across the realms of the ocean and miles lay between us. is he buried in the earth it might be it might be one of those situations where like yeah he's he's been he made a deal with the devil and and like the only way he can get out of it is if someone is willing to

spend a thousand years with him like honestly aside from the the like you know fact that he can only do things that are related to business and is immortal i see no red flags here yeah i mean considering his restrictions which are you know astronomical he's doing a good job he's working around his disability and it's great thank you very much for listening friends um it is always a pleasure to do this um i i've got renewed vigor with this 101 episode this season three episode it's it's uh like we said at the beginning it was so very nice to hear everything that you guys said to us and and the emails that we received we got a bunch of people who uh weren't comfortable sending in voice clips but still sent us some nice messages uh so thank you very much for those as well.

It means the world to us. Yeah, I literally can't describe how much I loved hearing all the messages people sent in. Really meant a lot. So thanks, guys. If you would like to reach out to us and ask us a question, You can do so by various means of social media. You can hit us up on Facebook at FCK buddies podcast. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies, and you can hit us up on Gmail at F buddies podcast at gmail.com,

or you can visit us online at F buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca. You just hit the little contact form, fill it out, give yourself an agent name, and we will get back to you as soon as we can. Thank you, Josh Eagle on the Harvest Cities for the song Paper Stars. And I'm sorry we're replacing you with a SoundCloud rapper. Are you ready?

Yep. So this is when the things I was talking about become relevant. So Ron Perlman, you haven't seen Sons of Anarchy? No. Just so you know, that is what he looks like in his role as Clay, Clay Morrow in Sons of Anarchy, right? Okay.

Are you ready? You comfortable? Yep. This is good, he says, and leans forward, pressing a kiss to the blue-furred monster's cheek. Me glad Clay like. New recipe. Cookie's speech is simple, but Clay likes that, as his stretchy voice is enough to make Clay hard. Retiring to the bedroom with a plate of cookies and two glasses of milk

only seems natural at this point. Is this Sesame Street Sons of Anarchy fanfiction? Why is this so exist? Who wanted this? Oh, fuck. Clay on dresses. Oh, there's more. clay clay undressed hesitantly at first but cookie soft grunts of excitement as he watched i return on and he quickly discards the rest of his clothes and climbs onto the bed

clay wanted this cookie's uncertainty goes a long way towards helping punch clay into this because the fact that the monster asks him if he wants this shows that he cares yes cookie i want this he assures the monster smiling and raising his ass up in the air cookie shoves a pillow shaped like a big bird beneath his hips and cory sinks down into the pillow and tries to relax. He's never been on the receiving end of something like this before. And though he's a little afraid, he trusts the blue furball. When Cookie inserts one of his thick fingers. Oh god!

Coated in some kind of cooking oil. It's a virgin hole. The stretch burns more than he ever imagined it would. And he almost begs Cookie to stop. Remembering all the nights he'd awoken to find the sticky evidence of another sweet dream. Clay simply digs his fingers into the black satin bedsheets a little harder and bites down on the back of his wrist, holding in the bulk of his pained cry. It hurts like hell at first.

Truthfully, he feels a little like he's being impaled by the business end of a baseball bat. But then when Cookie stills, his concerned, gruff voice stiltedly questioning, Clay okay? He nods, even though it isn't okay. And he's grateful when the monster waits until the muscles around his abnormally thick digit relax

before he pushes in. A little further. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm gonna skip past the. Nine paragraphs of them. Slowly fucking. Unless you want me to keep going.

No please don't. I'm just gonna end with this. Clay want more cookie keep going. No, please don't. I'm just going to end with this. Clay want more cookie? Clay can see the eagerness on his monster's furry face. No, cookie. Once is enough for tonight. He sighs, laying his head on Monster's soft chest. His fuzzy brow furrows. Cookie do something wrong?

Cookie hurt Clay? No, cookie. You did everything right. He grinned up at his fuzzy lover. Okay, if Clay says so, me believe you. Cookie replies with a sigh. Hey, Cookie, he asks as he twines his fingers in the soft fur of his broad chest. Yes, Clay?

His big furry hand glides smoothly up and down Clay's back, drawing random patterns. Just hold me? The vulnerability rolls off him in waves and Cookie holds him tighter. Yeah, me hold you. Me hold you a long time. Maybe forever. You know what the most upsetting thing about all this is? This is the healthiest

sexual relationship we've ever heard in your fucking sex writing. Can we just point out that at the very end of this page, there's works sized Sesame Street, Jim Henson, produced by Jangans Cooney and Lloyd Morissette. I promise you,

these people don't want their names on this. Kurt Sutter, Sons of Anarchy, FX Hollywood, California Television. Oh my god. I'm crying Like there are tears rolling down my face Yeah me too Yeah

Oh shit This was meant to be bad sex writing So okay I'm going to leave it alone because I don't think we need to talk about it But He says do you want another cookie So, okay, I'm going to leave it alone because I don't think we need to talk about it. But he says, do you want another cookie? And he says, once is enough for one night. Are you telling me that cookie is synonymous with anal sex?

So are you telling me that the monster, the puppet, the beloved Sesame character that we know as Cookie Monster. In his mind, his name is Sodomy Monster. Did you not know that? That's. You never been into the lore? That was chapter two, by the way. Chapter one involves Big Bird, Elmo, Grover, Telly, and Oscar conducting an intervention where they say he needs to stop having cookies, but they're too much like crack and he can't,

and he needs cookies more than them. So he leaves, goes to California and ends up in, uh, the town where sons of anarchy happens and meets. Fantastic. Hell yeah. Yeah. Also,

my other thing is he's got black set and sheets on his bed, but also has a body pillow of Big Bird. Don't you? What kind of fucking aesthetic are you rocking here, Sodomy Bonser? Okay, that's enough. Okay, to finish us off. I already finished. Yeah, I mean, sticking in the lines of fucking, I guess, fan fiction.

This Pornhub comment comes from IamGoku. And they say, Hi, I'm Goku. Just a reminder, every minute you spend on pornography is time you could spend on training. Seek the Ultra Instinct. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Bain.

We've been your fuck buddies. Get a cookie.