F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 102 - Bouncing Bad

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

I don't know about you, Iron Man, but a Thanos snap doesn't seem like the worst idea right now.  Topics include a soupy Samurai seduction, losing your virginity with Mr. Stark, a post-break up birthday party, the most sacred of family vows, dealing with a chronic ghoster, illicit trampoline funds.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And my name is Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. Welcome back. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And my name is Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies.

Welcome back. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we get questions either from our lovely listeners, who are the best, or we find them on sites such as Reddit, on the internets, and we answer them. And rarely are those people the best no they're usually the worst now we talked about this before we started you have a discovery that you want to share with me i believe i do so and by before we started i mean we recorded already and i fucked up and now we have to record again yeah so we're either going to be more funny or less funny. I can't tell. But on the streets of Toronto, there's an old school dating ad in paper form, just nailed to a bunch of boards. And I'm bringing it to you.

And it is swashbuckling samurai seeking sweetheart. They are 23 and charming. They have fiery good looks. They enjoy long walks in the park. They're unemployed, but in quotation marks working on it wink and then lastly there's a picture of a samurai and the words putina may jenkins please do not contact me because you crazy as hell then they see email bronin brown and have a bunch of their email like like little cardboard slips at the end you can just take this is great and i love it because there used to be a

park i used to live in parkdale in toronto which is sort of like the at least it was it was like the crazy neighborhood it was it was sketchy and there was a lot of weird shit happening and there still is like it still has its charm but there used to be a uh an older man who had put out like old dating ads and it was always like i can't remember the the specific phrase it was but he was looking for like a spirited older woman he was like this was like in his 60s roberto guy right yeah yeah they're all up on my neighborhood too man that guy gets around he's he's really wants a tall woman over 50 yeah they're like going walks yeah yeah you think this is the same guy?

I don't know, because if so, he's taking a very different tact. On top of that, someone emailed him about Putina Mae Jenkins, wondering what she did. Good, because that was my big question. So, we've received this saga.

And Bronan Brown says, oh oh the stories i could tell you the agony it's hard being a samurai lindsey it's hard case you asked and i have to tell you putina was the first person to respond to this flyer we met up with some sam first some samurai soup and biscuits everything was going well we were looking all lovingly in each other's eyes and whatnot but then when i told her i wanted to take things slow, because there are other women interested in my smooth samurai loving, she went straight up ninja on me. She flipped the table over and got hot soup all over my kimono, which I had just bought brand new.

Just because I'm a hot date doesn't mean I want hot soup all over me. Apparently she never got that memo. She started throwing shurikens at me, which I was able to dodge, except for one that caught me in my eye. Don't worry, my fiery good looks are still smoldering. In fact, some women have said that I look even more mysterious as a samurai with an eye patch. But anyway, I had no choice, Lindsay. I had to fight back. I drew my sword and chopped down all her shurikens and managed

to chop off a few of her fingers too, which stopped her from throwing more. Unfortunately, it didn't stop her from grabbing my phone, which I'd left on the very table she flipped over. That crazy bitch used her remaining six fingers to text the other women on my dating list and called them improper slurs. As you would expect, my mama's name is on the phone, and she just got one of Putina's tantrum texts too. Just imagine if you got a tantrum text from a nasty ninja calling you all sorts of hurtful and improper names. Exactly, Lindsay, exactly. So anyway, there's more to the story which i'll tell you in person shall we go out for some samurai soup and biscuits before you answer please confirm you aren't a crazy ninja everything about this tracks for me until he calls putina a crazy crazy

bitch yeah you know what i mean that seems dishonorable for a samurai right which makes me think this man might not actually be a samurai wait really that's the only thing but how else did he get samurai soup and biscuits i don't know maybe some sort of false samurai maybe he's a crazy nasty ninja oh no well i want to know like does this person actually have an eyepatch in real life that's's like, yeah, there are layers to this that I'm like, are you just using this crazy shit as ways to disguise things about your personal life? Like, do you have a horrific sort of like crotch burn that you need to be like, oh, it's soup related. It's samurai soup related. Oh, yeah.

Like, do you have an eyepatch? You're just like, oh, no, it's ninja related. Like, I would love to know what the what the plan is here so i looked up samurai soup and biscuits uh-huh and samurai soup is apparently actually a thing yeah okay that makes sense it's bok choy oyster sauce ground pork snow peas and wontons it's crazy okay okay so i guess this guy just like lives near like a japanese restaurant or something i don't know i was kind of wondering if maybe this wasn't a dating profile at all but it was like a clever like you know restaurant marketing thing where he's just like hey samurai soup and biscuits and

it was a thing because i want them i do want them right now i do 100 i do want samurai soup does his ex only have six fingers okay we gotta we got to move on. I'll be here all day. I know. If anybody wants this person's email to take them, just let me know because I have it. Yeah, great. Maybe we should get them on the show. I was literally about to say, maybe we ain't like this man. I think like, I know we talk about that a lot being like, oh, we should get him on the podcast.

I actually think, obviously not for a full episode, but I do want to talk to this man about this. Sure. Yeah. Let's, let's do it. I want to know what next episode we'll have, uh, this fine samurai.

I wonder if they're going to stick to the bit or just be like, yeah, it's a, it's a fun thing. I know. Here's the thing. If they don't stick to the bit, we hang up on them immediately.

If he doesn't start with some sort of proverbial greeting or something, I'm ejecting this man from my memory and from our podcast. Fair, fair. It's only fair. All right, Fuckin, you ready? Yep. So this was sent to me from Facebook. I don't know where it came from.

It looks like a Reddit. It looks like a Reddit, but it's anyway. Do you still have any pops that were there with you when you lost your virginity? So it finally happened yesterday. I've been talking to this girl on a dating app for a while, and yesterday she came over for my first time. Let's just say we got down and dirty. My favorite Iron Man pop was on the shelf while I was getting some action.

I actually looked over at it a few times just to be sure he would be included in the memory. I was already greatly fond of this pop, but now I'm feeling a lot more sentimental since it's been part of such an incredible experience. I don't think I could ever get rid of it now. Is there anyone on here who had a similar experience? What pops do you still have from when you lost

your virginity? The fuck is a pop? It's like those big headed like toys. Oh, those that the Funko Pop things? Yeah. Oh. I don't own a single one, so unfortunately, and I don't think they existed when I lost my virginity, so

unfortunately, I don't have these sweet, sweet memories. Well, how else do you remember it if it's not recorded in the soulless eyes of this funko pop now when you say that do we know that funko pops don't have cameras in them don't have a soul and b don't have cameras in them because look there's a reason that everyone loves these things so much. I honestly do not know. They upset me. They look really fucking annoying and stupid.

Hey, look, I'm telling you right now, you might be alienating a lot of our listeners. Hey, I'm not judging. I just don't get it. There's a difference. I look up, why does everyone love Funko Pops? And there is a lot of people asking this question, actually. And then why are they all government redacted? Weird.

Weird. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I also don't get the hype. I know people who have like hundreds of them. I don't get it. I don't think that you should really be attributing special moments in your life to physical objects I think that's a good way to like disassociate

you know what I mean like I feel like that's a really weird thing to do like if you look fondly back you're losing your virginity and the first thing you think about is you know Mr. Stark giving you the weird thumbs up almost like uh that scene in fucking uh 500 days of summer when he finally sleeps with her and he looks in the window and

he sees like harrison ford giving like the wink yeah like if that's how you're going to view like sort of those big moments in your life as seen through the eyes of your inanimate Funko Pops. I don't know, man, that's weird. Yeah. Also, it's like you shouldn't need that necessarily because like you have the memory. It doesn't matter if a plastic Iron Man was there or not. And like, are you then going to be really upset if you lose this Iron Man or like somebody throws it out or like, you know, I just feel like you're also attributing so much importance to losing your virginity that i think

it's like i don't know i think that almost like hints at like a negative mindset towards sex and like it probably means you need to grow up a little bit as you progress with your sexual relationships yeah do we know how old this person is uh does it say it didn't say because like i feel like someone who's really wants to include their toys into their sexual relationship and and by that i mean like actual toys not sexual toys um seems a bit young or immature you know know what? I would have thought that before we did this podcast, but we've had questions about Ralph Wiggum body pillows and shit. Yeah. There's no, there's no, there's nothing.

There's no age gap. Yeah, I guess that's true. I don't know. I think, like you said, it's like losing your virginity. While it should be a special moment, it shouldn't be sort of like a life defining moment hopefully um if it's done in a healthy respectful consensual way um so i think then attributing sort of like importance to it via inanimate objects and again like i'm worried

you're going to do this with like all like are you going to bring this iron man to like the birth of your child to make sure that like he's included since he's been a part of like all these major things like is he your best man at your wedding i don't know i'm just worried that's what's gonna happen yeah 100 yeah i i think advice wise it's like it's cool that you lost your virginity it's obviously great and like i know a lot of uh importance can be put on it and it is a big deal and it's great these are all good things um but don't put too much of a big deal on it and like try to just enjoy it for its own sake and through your own memories and not through this plastic avatar yeah and if there's one thing that you should be doing during sex it shouldn't be like not staring at your iron man yeah like you should be enjoying it and you should be present

and like that's like all good relationships and all good communication and sex is a form of communication you need to be present and listening um and like i don't necessarily mean like listening you know for audio cues but like listening with with your body and breathing and like all that, you know, be it connected to your partner. And I feel like checking in with Mr. Stark on the shelf over there is not the way to do it. All right. Unless when

you were about to come, you said, Mr. Stark, I don't feel so well. That's the only way this is okay. And you can only henceforth call coming. I dusted right in her, Mr. Stark. Or snapping. Like, damn, girl, I'm gonna Thanos

snap all over you. I don't feel so good, Mr. Stark. It's the only way I'll allow it. If anyone's listening and wants to just moan out, I don't feel so good, Mr. Stark, next time they fuck, that would be great. Yeah, you'll earn a top place on our Yeah, we're going to start handing out

FBPs which are fuck buddy points. You can be the first one to earn it. I thought you were going to say fuck buddy pops and we'll just make a Funko Pop of you. Oh shit. Nobody wants that. Okay, I have a question here, and I'm not going to say anything about who it's from

because there are privacy issues. The question is, my boyfriend broke up with me two days before the surprise birthday party I threw for him. I pretended we were together in front of his friends and still threw it. Damn, that's nice. So this isn't a recent question.

This is something that's bothered them for a while. And they wanted to get some outside opinions on the matter. So this is pre-COVID. So don't worry about... There's bar talk. So don't worry about that. They say, I planned a surprise birthday party for my now ex-boyfriend. I invited all of his close friends on Monday and told them to go to the local bar on Friday night. I even made a secret group meet with everyone but him so that we could coordinate and his friends planned to bring a cake and stuff.

The plan was to invite my boyfriend to hang out, just the two of us, on Friday night and just grab a beer together. The Wednesday in between, he broke up with me and I hadn't invited him to go to the bar yet, but I still invited him anyway. In retrospect, it was probably weird as fuck. He said something like, oh, I don't want to be with you anymore. And I was like, oh, OK, you still want to grab a beer on Friday, though? When we got there, he ended up being so surprised. He was really happy. It was a weird party for me, but I didn't feel like it making a big deal of it in front of his friends but they thought we were still together as they should have because we

both kind of acted like it and we didn't say anything and even saved two seats for us next to each other at the bar or it ended up being a really fun night and i think everyone else had a good time i was drinking and the break it was still fresh so i cried a couple times in the bathroom oh well such is life uh is this weird it is weird but i'm not like not necessarily in a bad like a bad way because if you take it back like what other options you really have i guess you could have not gone right but then you would have been making the whole thing about your breakup because they'd be like why is she not here when she is your girlfriend and organized it or i guess you could have been making the whole thing about your breakup because they'd be like, why is she not here when she is your girlfriend and organized it? Or I guess you could have canceled the whole thing.

But after putting that much effort in and getting everyone involved, that would probably seem petty or weird. You know what I mean? Honestly, I think you did a very nice thing. You still followed through. You made sure that they had a good birthday party. You didn't make it about yourself. Like that's a really nice thing to do. You know,

I can understand why it, it might feel strange in the aftermath. Cause it's like, sometimes you don't necessarily feel like being very kind to someone who's, who's just dumped you or whatever. But like, unless it was a really bad breakup, which I'm assuming it wasn't

you know you did you did a really nice thing yeah i mean like this thing it the only like what might have crossed my mind would be like you know in this group chat without your boyfriend been like hey so we broke up i would still like to throw this party for him i'm gonna leave it in your hands i won't be there for obvious reasons, but please make sure he has a good time. You know what I mean? Cause like if the breakup was, it seemed like it wasn't that big of it. Like it wasn't like a big salacious or scandalous breakup.

It was just sort of like, like it just happened. Right. Yeah. It was a thing that happened. It was what it was. Um, obviously it wasn't so dramatic that you hated the dude since you still threw his

birthday party for him so i feel like that could have been an alternative way to do it but i don't think what you did was like you said like i don't think it was you know bad i don't think you did anything wrong i i understand why it would be weird as hell i don't know if i personally would have done that yeah in the sense that i don't think i would have gone yeah or even if i did i probably would have like bailed pretty quickly but i can also see why you did because it's like again you probably didn't want to make a big deal out of the breakup and like there's no way that. Bringing the breakup up. Wouldn't have then colored the whole night. You know what I mean like.

I don't know it's kind of weird to do all this effort. And just like not show up. I don't know it is a weird. It's kind of like an impossible situation. When you don't have that much time to. To really think about it. And you also kind of have everything else in motion. Like it's one of those things where it's like.

Did you do the best thing? Maybe, maybe not because who the fuck knows who could be ready for a weird situation like that. But I think like in reality, all that matters is kind of how it turned out. And it seems like it was a good night. You know what I mean? Like no one could say a bad word about you.

You were awesome. You still threw the party. You went there. You didn't make the thing about yourself um i'm sure they remember you very fondly and you came out of it all right too so like fuck it right all's well that ends well yeah like if this ended up being a disaster i can understand you looking back and being like, why did I fucking do that? But it didn't. It didn't seem like you, you know, like you said, you didn't make it about you. You didn't make it about the breakup.

You made sure you had a good time and everyone else seemed to have a good time. That's that's great. That's cool. You did a nice thing. It's also not like you sort of like put your pride on the line either. Yeah, I mean, it's it's not like you belittled yourself by doing it. If anything, it's like you just showed that you were like such a bigger per or like such a big person,

not necessarily bigger or like, it's not a competition or whatever, but like you were so big, like you didn't let that get in the way of like, you weren't petty at all. Like you were the furthest thing for petty or the furthest thing from anything like that. And that's kind of what I was going to say is like,

you didn't lose anything. You know what I mean? It's not like you look weird or desperate or whatever like you just seem chill yeah like there are so many ways that this could have gone poorly like you could have got drunk and made a big scene you could have got drunk and like tried to get him to take you back or got drunk and or like you know like trying to like this is his friend exactly like there's so many things that could have gone catastrophically wrong here and they didn't. So I, I would move on from it. I wouldn't dwell on it.

It is what it is. You did it. It went fine. Nothing bad happened. I wouldn't feel bad about it. I wouldn't feel embarrassed about it. I wouldn't feel like you belittled yourself by doing it. Just,

just realize that like it was a nice thing that you did man and and put it you know packing in the suitcase and leave it behind yeah now it's a good story and like i just love i love the image of like oh we're done want to still grab a beer on friday yeah that's great i just i love like that's such a weird moment. And I think that's just very funny. That I think is like the most difficult part of like one. It's like, if I, if I just broke up with someone and they're like,

Hey, you want to still hang out on Friday? I'd be like, no, no, I don't. Thanks. Yeah.

I love, like, honestly, I'm just impressed that you managed to pull it off. Yeah. Um, but like, I get why you might feel weird about it, but that's because it's just a weird fucking situation.

But like, honestly, I can't, there's not much you could have done better, and there's so much you could have done worse. All right, hit me. My 25-year-old male, fiance, 26-year-old female, family has a tradition where the groom says, I vow to protect you from ninjas and pirates during the vow.

I do not want to do this, but she is insisting. Is there a compromise here? From throwRA, Maxisp. When my fiance's uncle was married in the early 90s, he ad-libbed a line at the end of his vows and said, and I vow to protect you from ninjas and pirates. Ever since then, everyone in their family says this line is part of the vows. To them, it's a closely held tradition that has been extended to family friends. I've been to three weddings with my fiance and every single one of them, the groom said the line. On one occasion, it got a really big laugh, but the other two, it seemed to just confuse people and the people from my fiance's family barely snickered. I understand it's their tradition, but I don't want to do it. I'm not a funny person. And the

thought of even being up there makes me nervous, much less drawing attention to myself by making a joke. My fiance says, you have to to do this and that she's been looking for this part of her wedding since she was a kid it's become a major issue for us we are upset at each other all the time over this are there any solutions to this i'm not thinking of thank you for offering your opinion okay um well i don't like why wouldn't you want to say it? Right. I, but that's kind of my thing is like it, like as an outside observer, it is kind of fucking tacky.

You know what I mean? Like it is sort of like, Oh, you know, I get the same eye roll as my, my, our samurai swashbuckling friend. I'm like, Whoa.

All right. Whoa. Okay. You know what I mean? Like it's it does sort of feel a little hokey. It is a little hokey. I agree. However, it's also not that bad. It's like at worst it's OK. And at best it's funny and cute. Right. Yeah. Also, I was like, how has she been looking forward to it since she was a kid if it happened

in the 90s and i was like oh wait that was 30 years ago yeah i i don't want to talk about that i had to id someone during the week and i was like are you joking and then i did the math and was like oh no yeah i like there is a compromise like i don't think you should force someone to do something like especially on your fucking wedding day. I feel like, like ask the priest to fucking say it. You know what I mean? Like ask or like whoever's officiating be like,

do you, you know, swear to protect them from ninjas and pirates? Yeah. Cause then you don't look like a fucking idiot. The officiate does, you know what I mean? He's getting paid.

He doesn't give a shit. Yeah. He's meant to be there. He's like, he's never going to see these people ever again. He doesn't give a shit. Yeah, he's meant to be there. He's never going to see these people ever again. He doesn't give a shit. One of the last weddings I went to, he got the groom's name wrong repeatedly

and then also got the country he was from wrong. Nice. And then got the country where the bride was from wrong and it was just a disaster all around. He's just at the wrong wedding. Yeah, that's a really good compromise right there like that's that's easy and it sucks because i don't know if we would have thought about this

but the very first comment is great and they say why doesn't she say it to you instead and that works because it's their fucking yeah it's their tradition and like good job this is my new york city throwaway because I think that's a really good way forward. All right. Like, cause it's still happening. The onus is on them,

not you. And like, fuck it. You know, they should be willing to do that. You would imagine. Yeah. I,

I don't think, again, I don't see any reason really why not to do it. Like it would be one thing if sort of, I feel like if this was the other way around, where if it was the other way around, where if it was the, the dude asking the lady to do it, I feel like there would be way more like societal things being like,

no, the lady's planned her wedding since the day she was born, blah, blah, blah. Um, but like, I don't know.

I, like I said, I, I think there are compromises. Obviously there's ways around this. I don't think like weddings are don't know. Like I said, I think there are compromises. Obviously, there's ways around this. I don't think like weddings are a mutual experience. I think the second anyone and this is why I'm so against marriage in the first place is there are so many compromises or so many like people allowing someone to do something that they don't want to do on their wedding for the sake of the wedding. And that's, it's such a strange tone for what should be a partnership.

You know what I mean? Like how many times has it been like, well, I don't want this. So this is what's happening on there. Or it's like, it's like, you know,

I've planned this since I was a girl. It has to happen. This one has to go this way. It's like, well, cool. But like, it's not your wedding. It's, you know what I mean? Like cool but like it's not your wedding it's you know

what i mean like it's it's a combination it's a it's a symbol of your relationship and if you think that like you can dictate how that goes that should be indicative of what you think of a relationship yeah my my feelings on this are should you still get married because there are so many red flags here firstly i find it weird that you're not willing to do something so small for your fiance um because really like it is so small i get it you're embarrassed to be up there or like you're you're nervous but like you're not in a room full of strangers you're in a room full of the presumably the closest people to you the ones who aren't that close to you i.e. or her

half of the family they all know what's going on so you're not gonna make a fool out of yourself with them the ones closest to you love you and also you could even tell them before the wedding if you're worried that they're gonna be confused you know what i mean like it's kind of a zero risk game and it's like it's one sentence and you make this person really happy. You should be willing to do small things like this for your fiance. Secondly, she's saying you have to do this. That's kind of shitty. You know, like if you have a relationship where you're like, throwing ultimatums each other and like demanding things, that kind of sucks. But thirdly, you're upset at each other all the time over something this small

those three things make me wonder if you guys should get married at all if you know anytime soon and look if you're not going to say this word for what would you do if pirates and ninjas attacked well that's the thing right are you really gonna protect her because it sounds like you won't yeah maybe putina may was one of their family and she got fucking she lost four fingers to a samurai it's true so like well to be fair samurais aren't being protected they're agreeing to protect from pirates and ninjas well samurais and ninjas can sometimes be conflated by you idiots by idiots okay i was gonna say we might have a samurai at the podcast next week, so... Yeah. But, you know, like, if samurais can chop people's fingers off in a soup

and biscuits restaurant, ninjas and pirates can definitely get you before and during and after a wedding. So if you're not willing to make... See, now, Dane, what if he just isn't willing to protect her from ninjas and pirates? What if he is a ninja or a pirate?

What if the reason, what if he doesn't want to say that is because you roll into the wedding, one half well-dressed, the other half and fucking pirate garb, or you can't see them because they're ninjas. Yeah. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to say it. Cause it's going to be really awkward.

That disembodied voice is talking about ninjas and pirates because you're not gonna know he's there or it's just like hey i'm gonna protect you from my family that's what you want that's what you want to say you should protect your fiancee from your family and or yourself if if that's at a risk yeah so i don't know either way just fucking say it or get them to say it like there are so many easy ways around this and the fact that you guys are making this a big deal when you don't have to is probably a super red flag so maybe don't get married or like realize like take a breath and stop fucking putting so much on the wedding or the marriage you know what i mean like the ceremony and all that like it doesn't matter it's one day flash in the pan in the span of what should be a very long life together.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, fuck it. It doesn't matter. Don't be upset about something so minute. So like it's a speck of dust in retrospect, like in comparison to what your relationship is. And that's the thing. It's like your relationship is so much more important than than the wedding.

Like the wedding is just whatever. But it's really just like you affirming your relationship and you committing to your relationship. The relationship is the important thing, not the wedding. Yeah. So stop putting so much importance on the wedding. Well, I think marriage, or at least weddings, are dumb well i think one really i won't say necessarily a good thing but like an interesting kind of like silver lining of covid is so many people realizing that weddings and marriages kind of fucking suck or at least like the way they're done like i know so many people who've

had to cut down like two of our good friends got married and basically had this like giant wedding plan with like a bunch of money and time and like people like loads of people invited and like COVID hit everything got canceled and they just went and got married with two strangers and a close friend one stranger being the the roommate of that close friend because they used their like back garden and the other stranger being the officiant and it's like they just had a tiny little like four-person wedding and apparently it was great they saved thousands of dollars and now they're married and and life goes on right whereas like it would have been 20 30 000 a bunch of people they probably don't even care about and like you know so a lot of people are downsizing their weddings and doing more like intimate meaningful things i think it's kind of nice

yeah 100 i think covid is the best thing to happen to weddings. You know what I mean? If there's a silver lining, it's like the fact that all of these couples have saved so much money. Hopefully, they didn't get fucked on deposits and shit. Yeah. It's one of those things where you realize it doesn't fucking matter. And now you have all that money to invest in yourselves. Invest in a down payment on a car or a house or travel trip together whatever you guys want to do yeah anyway we could talk about fucking how marriage is dumb forever or at least i can i have another user submitted question hell yeah it's long hell yeah um so

bear with me it is from we've both forgotten our their agent name. I believe it was Agent Glamour. We are really bad at agent names and I'm sorry. I usually have them written down, but this one I don't have it. Well, initially I was like concerned about people's privacy and didn't write them down for that reason, which is dumb because no one's breaking into my apartment to figure out agent names. But I don't know. And now regretting that I didn't do that. Oh've got it it's agent regal i was close with clamor so she asked a question uh i think it was like towards the beginning of lockdown um about a gentleman

that she was she met on hinge and they were in lockdown but she was in turkey and he was in ireland and they were going to meet in l, or they're both moving to London or something. And he kept going AWOL and would disappear for a while and wouldn't respond to texts and yada yada. That all sorted out. Was any of our advice good? Yes. The last thing is, as the advice is helpful, thanks.

I'm putting my energy into something more productive than worrying about him. Hell yeah. Although I don't know how true that is, because this question is helpful, thanks. I'm putting my energy into something more productive than worrying about him. Hell yeah. Although I don't know how true that is because this question is all about him. But here we go. So Agent Regal asks, and I'm going to Coles Notes it

because it is very long, but I will get all the main points out. She was texting this dude while they were in lockdown and now that they're back in the same city, she did manage to meet up with them, uh, or him for one, one drink, one date. Um, they hung up for about two hours. Uh, it went well, they hugged, they seemed to have a great time. She was really into him, found him very attractive.

Uh, and then it proceeded to sort of redo what happened in the first place where he would make plans and then he would never text her. And then when she would confront him about it, he'd be like, oh, I was really sick the first place where he would make plans and then he would never text her and then when she would confront him about it he'd be like oh i was really sick the first time um and then it happened again and he was like oh my best for her like i had a friend's funeral i have to go to um and it just kind of like kept happening where she would make plans and he would bail and in retrospect she would then you know hang out with friends or you know do like on her birthday weekend he was supposed to do something with her never got back to her and she ended up spending the whole week with her friends doing something different every day um and then at one point she

did send a drunken message via whatsapp um about how his behavior which is never a good sign and never a good thing to do. That's our number one advice here is don't send drunk messages to anyone ever. She is worried that he's keeping her in the pocket and kind of like he met someone else while they were sort of long distance texting and is too afraid to, you know, come out and say it. Her friends think that she should hang on a little bit longer, but she does have sort of like, she had all these expectations for him and he's not meeting them.

And she wants to know what to do. In general, this person sucks. However, can we focus on the funeral for a friend part? Is that the band, I hope? Or did his friend just die? Because if his friend just died, maybe he's a little fucked up right now. Yeah, but he did also be like, want to meet the day before yeah so like that's kind of the only thing

i'm hesitant to like drop my true feelings about this person because i'm worried that you know that's a thing but like he seems really shitty it's like you know you give someone a like a chance once or twice or whatever but he seems like he just keeps doing it's like you know you give someone a like a chance once or twice or whatever but he seems like he just keeps doing it right if he's not willing to give you the like there's nothing worse than being like oh let's meet up on this day and then not even fucking replying even canceling would suck if it kept happening but he's not even giving you the courtesy of canceling and he's not even really making plans yeah i mean he's being like hey want to do something on the weekend yes and like you like you were like, I can be free both days.

And then he was like, cool, great. And then nothing. Yeah. That's a really shitty thing to do, because if someone else asks you to do something on the weekend, presumably you're like, oh, I think I have plans, you know? Yeah. So you could be sacrificing your social life for them. And also just like, I know you particularly hate this dame but people like

make plans you and fucking flake or like just you know don't give you the like respect of it's just it's a shitty fucking thing to do it's in my opinion one of the most disrespectful things to do to someone and the fact that it happens so casually in online dating and like modern dating because of like the ability to ignore messages and the ability to sort of like send out texts with without really having to face any consequences like you could shoot out a text being like oh sorry i felt bad with like really no press like you could say anything over text and you don't have to face that disappointment or anger or whatever because you're so detached from it. I think it like I said, it's it's the most disrespectful thing you can do to someone when you're trying to like make plans with them.

And like you said, it's it's one thing for it to happen. Bad, bad things happen. But for every time there seems to be like a new reason and even if we're going under the assumption that these things are true he was sick his friend did pass unfortunately if it mattered he would have told you these things yeah it literally takes no effort to be like hey i'm really sorry this happened and there's a whole separate thing of being like, is it true? Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.

If your excuses are sick, I didn't leave my bed all day. Guess what? All you're doing is on your fucking phone. Yeah. Like there's no way you're not on your phone all those two days. Even if you are so sick that all you're doing is sleeping or whatever,

I imagine you probably have the fucking strength to get your phone and shoot a text out to the person who's waiting for you yes exactly like it literally takes no effort and i think that sort of is like is what it boils down to is he has shown repeatedly that your time doesn't mean anything to him and even if like even if all these things are true even if you know his friend did pass even if he has been really busy at work even if like even if all these things are true even if you know his friend did pass even if he has been really busy at work even if he is really sick all those things don't mean that communication ceases to exist to him he still has access to all this technology he still has access to your number all it has to take it takes 30 seconds to shoot a message to let you know hey

sorry not going to be able to do this weekend. I'm very sick. Please have fun. Yeah. That's all it takes. Again, the friend thing, I could see if you were so broken up about a friend dying that you just didn't have time for anything that wasn't like,

well, if it was his best friend and he was just grieving, maybe you wouldn't matter. And that would be, I think, acceptable in the face of something so big but like he's still able to give you mundane texts on other times and he's still you know what i mean like it's not like it happened and then there was this period like nothing really adds up it just seems that like something happens when he needs to tell you like like when the time to meet up is there, but in between when you're not meeting up, he can send you some bullshit,

you know, like that's, uh, this guy sucks. And I think you need to stop messaging him and stop doing anything with him. And if he, I guess suddenly realizes and gets his shit together and is like, Oh,

sorry. Cause a lot of the time, once you stop being the initiator, they realize what they're missing and come back crawling to you and unless he is very genuine and honest and this never happens again i say end this entirely yeah absolutely like i also don't think like look if you're just looking to like you know fuck that's cool throw them in your back pocket you know what i mean like, you know, fuck, that's cool. Throw them in your back pocket. You know what I mean? Like if this is the nature of the relationship, if you're like way from the booty call you

fuck them and then like, don't give them any more thought. Yeah. But if you, if you don't think you could do that, if you don't think you can detach the emotional aspect of it, like if you do really like this guy, don't, don't come at his beck and call anymore. Be like, I've given you my chance. I've given you plenty of time. I've given you a lot of courtesy.

I've given you a lot of leeway. You blew it literally every time. Yeah. So like, it doesn't make any sense to keep doing this. Like the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. So move on.

It sucks that you, you know, you spent all this time sort of like fostering this relationship and talking to this person and sort of like getting these expectations and hopes and, and all that. But I think at this point, your expectations should be dashed. You know what I mean?

Like, I, I think continuing to hope that this person gets better or be the person that you would like him to be. I think at that point, that ship has sailed. I don't know. Maybe they're just one of those people.

That is a coward when it comes to real life shit. When you're so far away. That nothing can happen. Texting is fine. Because there's no consequences. There's no reality. He can say and do whatever. And live in this fantasy.

But when you're actually here. He's like oh dear. Either way. I say 100% cut him off text wise right now. But then when you're actually like here, he's like, oh, dear, you know. Either way, I say 100% cut him off text wise right now. Like, don't don't send him any messages. Don't whatever. If he starts to message you and you feel like replying and you feel like giving him a second chance. Sure. But if he ever does this ever again, 100% just delete his number.

Never talk to him or just do that right now. But I really don't think you should give him more than one more chance. I think that's the most he should ever get, and I'm not even sure he deserves that. Yeah, I mean, I think that's generous. For me, I would, at this point in time in a relationship, if this was me, I would keep him around if I wanted to have sex. You know what I mean?

I'd just wait until they were like, you know. Yeah, if they booty called me and they were like, Hey, come over. I'd be like, okay, sure. Because you'd be like,

come over. I'm not fucking leaving my house. God knows what happens. You get to theirs and they're not even fucking home or they won't write a door. Cause I can see this fucking dude doing that. Yeah. Like,

unless that's really like, I would say that is pretty much the extent you should keep this dude around for is for like a quick, easy fuck. If that's what you want. But it's if there's any like i any intention of doing anything more than that i would say get rid of it there's no there is no reason to continue to hope that this guy is going to be worth your time because it's it's been made apparent repeatedly that he's not you're just getting upset like he's just affecting your shit you know what i mean every day that you waste on him is a day you could have done

you know hang out with somebody else or your friends or just even chilling at home without that worry and that upset you know this person doesn't seem worth it no and i think it's really important like i think you've you've sort of given yourself your own answer. Think about like everything you've done as a alternative to hanging out with him. Literally every time it was like, I spent time with my friends and it was great. Yeah. I went and hung out with my friends and it was awesome. It's like, do that. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like your, your options are either a get really upset about a dude who very obviously doesn't care enough about you or spend time with your friends, which you seem to love doing and seem to care about you. Yeah. Like the, the choice there is, is so obvious.

And I understand it's like, you know, they're not scratching the romantic itch most likely, but when you're out and doing things, you have a whole possibility of meeting someone new out there. Yeah. Um, so I would say i think i'm pretty much sure this is our advice to you last time is focus on the good things in your life

your friends the good weather having a good time um this dude is the antithesis of that yeah he is no fun so fuck him and by that i mean don't fuck him so i yeah i think i think it's time to move on i think if this dude messaged you again like like you said do not text him again he's he's oh yeah don't buy them a drunk fucking do not get drunk and send them a voicemail or anything yeah um so that's out that's out of the picture if you really really really want to see this dude again i don't think it's a good idea but if if you do, I would say wait until if he's like, hey, what are you doing this weekend? And it's Monday.

Be like, I'm not sure. Text me on the weekend. You know what I mean? And then if he messaged you on Saturday being like, hey, do you want to hang out tonight? And if you don't have other plans, then be like, sure. But also be like, what are we doing and when? Yeah.

Like make him actually nail down the time and the place. Yep. And be like, sure. But also be like, what are we doing and when? Yeah. It's like, cool. Make him actually nail down the time and the place. Yep. Like, don't let him text you Saturday morning. Be like, hey, you free tonight? You know what I mean? Like, yes, I am. What are we doing?

And if he's like, oh, I'll let you know. Be like, cool. I'm not waiting around. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, so if someone asks me to do something, I'm doing it. You blew your chance. Yeah.

I would say just play hardball if you really want to keep fucking with the student which again at any point he sends you this message and doesn't reply or you know doesn't show up that's it that like there cannot be anything more right like like literally that is the furthest i can stretch my positivity is like maybe one chance but it's it's it's a chance with no like gray area. There's, there's a hard and fast. If he does not do it right, just cut him off. Cause he sucks. Yeah.

Even if his example is like, oh, I lost my whole family in a car crash. You're like, even if it's true, it's true. But like, I don't need this energy in my life because you're, you're no good. But also if it's true, like you don't want to be the next victim, do you? Like, if he's surrounded by that much death, something's wrong, and you don't need that in your life. Also, also, maybe you shouldn't meet up with him at all because if he was that sick, did he get a COVID test? Because he needs a fucking COVID test. Yeah.

Because you don't want to get COVID off this asshole. Imagine waiting all this time, finally meet up, and you get fucking COVID off him? No. Nah. So make this fucker get a test before you meet up. Yeah. Yeah, it makes no sense. Get rid of this guy.

You're an attractive young lady, and you seem very cool. You can do better. I, male 24, need to generate and hide several hundred dollars from my wife, female 27. This is by the Wild Whistlepig. Okay. She can't know this money exists. It has to be secret. I've never been able to keep a secret before, usually due to continuity goofs and lack of deceptive experience.

I'm a professional student who brings in very little from internships. She works full time. We both are essentially eight to six workers. She's earning decently, and I'm earning professional student who brings in very little from internships. She works full-time. We both are essentially 8-6 workers. She's earning decently, and I'm earning much less. But she deserves a trampoline. She's talked about it for years at this point, and I can't take her to a trampoline park anymore because of COVID. She's always assumed maybe we'll get one when I'm out of school,

but that's in a few years. I think it should happen now. It needs to happen. She wants a trampoline. Like most folks want a car or luxury bag slash jewelry slash thing. And I've pulled off bigger events before. If I can stupidly go solo spelunking and survive this, an execution should be a cakewalk.

But I'm stumped and kind of not super bright. I'm not a sharp idea generator. That's usually her thing. I'm like the Hulk. Lots of ability. Must be directed. Misses the details. And it must be totally a surprise. Fireworks. Wow. What moment. I want to just appear in the yard. She deserves

that. I don't want her to know where the money came from or pull from our accounts. Or worry. So how do I proceed? I'm surprised at the deserving love of my life with her own trampoline. How do I personally earn slash obtain it without touching our accounts? This is kind of a big deal. Timeline is ASAP. I'm tabbing this serious, right? Um, five relationship is five to six years,

depending on who you ask. BTW. That's a wild claim, but okay. Uh, yikes. Okay. This is powerful energy for a trampoline,

right? Have you considered making your own meth? Oh, fucking nailed it in one. Right. That's it. We, we've done the question.

Yeah. This would be a lot more compelling than what was the stupid reason in the, in the, in Breaking Bad? I don't remember. He has cancer. Oh, cancer. Yeah.

Imagine if Walter was just like, damn, I need to get Skyler a trampoline. Yeah. I'm the one who bounces. Yes, you son of a bitch, I was gonna say. Oh, trampoline, bitch!

Oh, poor Walt Jr., though. Maybe that's how it happened. Look, if I had the plan to generate thousands of dollars secretly, do you think I'd fucking say it on a podcast? Yeah, do you think if we were concerned about making money, do you think we'd make a podcast?

I mean, okay, there you go. Start a secret podcast. Make it very, very successful. Do it for two years and realize you've only spent money on hosting and your website and business cards. Well, look, this guy, maybe he's got a real cool topic he wants to talk about that everyone needs to hear. Maybe. Although he did say he's not an idea man i don't know if uh if it's just america or wherever the fuck this person's from or if he's really not good with details

because i'm looking up trampolines right now and they're like 480 dollars not thousands you might be looking at some bunk ass fucking bottom line trampolines maybe everything about that even the most expensive one I can see is $2,000 here. Okay. There's a 12 foot outdoor backyard fucking trampoline. That's 437 off Amazon. It's not bad. Also like,

I don't know what your living situation is. I don't know how the finances are, but like, I understand you want to do this ASAP, but there's saving money is a lot easier than a lot of people think about if you're consciously doing it yeah if you sit down and make a plan it's very easy to save money and i know this is kind of a joke question but i think this wait what do you think is a joke question? You know what I mean. Like, it's a funny question.

Wow. This dude is so curious about a fucking trampoline. But this is a common thing that people freak out about in relationships. It's like not being able to provide, blah, blah, blah. Not being able to get nice things for your partner. And money is, I would wager, one of the biggest reasons relationships fall apart. Make a plan, go into your bank.

And I tell this to everyone who's ever had money problems that I've talked to go into your bank and sit down with a living person, not the teller, but like an actual financial assistant that it's free to do and talk to them because they will help you because banks make more money when you're making money. Yeah. Also just like, depend, like if you're a student and you're not earning anything, get a, get a part-time job, like work, work one evening in the bar or two evenings in the bar or something. I'm sure you can do that. And like, if you pull in a few tips and save like

a little bit of them, you'll be fine. If it's extra income, if you're currently not working, anything you do is technically money that you don't need. So you could just save that. On the other side... He said he's earning little, so I assume he does have a job of some sort. But if you want to make fucking cash quick, get a bartending job. Or even just work a one-time event. You know what I mean?

Like find a, like, depending on where you are, like there's security companies that will do stuff. So like if you want to work like at a concert, you know what I mean? Or like a football game or whatever. Like they need people just to like stand at an exit and be like, yeah, this, you can't come back in once you leave here or like to pick up later around the place or whatever. And it's very like, no, does it?

Timeline is ASAP. There's no concerts. That's true. That's true. I mean, kind of in general. Yeah. You know what?

You're fucked right now. Yeah. Bars are terrible. Events are terrible. Yeah. Catering is also a pretty easy way to just make some real quick you know troublous cash but the thing is it's like there's no easy solution because like if if you could just whip up secret thousands of dollars everyone would be doing it so you

you need to plan ahead you need to like sit down and be like, Hey, this is what we're doing. And you know, even if it's like, I'm going to take $20 every paycheck, I'm going to skip my morning coffee. You know what I mean? I'm going to make coffee at home in a little thermos or like travel mug and you know, put that into a $20, you know, a week plan and like, yeah, it might take a little while, every month you're gonna have 80 closer to your goal yeah and then throw it in a high savings interest savings account or any savings account let it start accruing interest it won't be a lot when it's that small of a principle but like there's there's so many things you can do and then like once you realize like how easy it is to save 20 up it's like 40 50 a month you know $20 up, it's like $40, $50 a month.

You know what I mean? Like that's what I do with my investments. I have it automatically come out every week. And when I don't notice that money coming out, I increase it. Yeah. Like once you're used to it and you've like arranged your financials enough that like it's not an issue, then you're able to increase it. And like you can keep doing that realistically until you do start to go, okay, I noticed this now. Yeah. There, there are a lot of like ways to save money.

It's not really realistic to make thousands overnight, but also if your situation is to the point where like you guys are getting by and you're not making that much money, I know it's nice to get your partner gifts, but you do kind of need to think about the possibility that if you spent time and effort saving up thousands to get a trampoline, maybe your partner would be upset that you didn't do that with something more like meaningful in terms of like day-to-day life. Like if you guys are in this together and she's been like supporting you as a student, which it kind of sounds like, yes, she totally does deserve to be treated. But like, I would just make sure 100% that it's not like, you know, that maybe a trip wouldn't be more beneficial or maybe like something to help with like maybe a coffee machine.

So you guys spend less money at Starbucks or, or even just like having savings in case something bad happens isn't more important than that trampoline because there's also a little bit of a difference between having a trampoline at the back and going to a trampoline park where like you know you're it's more of a social thing and like there's more space and room as it's not just you in the backyard by yourself it's a risky move because like i'm sure she'll love it i'm sure she'll appreciate the sentiment but it's just also like where'd you get the money oh you worked this weird secret money gambit and kept it a secret for me it's it's a weird play also another thing you can look into is credit cards that give points and i don't mean uh like my credit card is a travel card but i can then also use that points and like their shop. Um, so I got Amanda like $200 in,

in gift cards for Canadian tire. Cause she wanted to get a bike and it like, it's essentially free. I was going to use my credit card anyway. Well, that's the thing. It's like, you're not going to not use your credit card.

So it's like, while you're using it, you may as well make fucking points. Like I have so many points at this point, I'm pretty sure i could travel anywhere in the world return but you know then covid happened yeah so like you got to think about being smart with your money if you're going to spend money try to make sure that you're going to get it back so credit cards that have points credit cards that give cash back credit cards that do any of those sort of like situations that have a way to recoup losses,

whether it's through like a redeemable point or through cash back. It's there's this way to make your money work for you. Importantly, paying off that credit card bill. So you're not losing money. Yep. Which unfortunately, a lot of people seem to, you know, forget that part. Yeah. I mean, I could do a whole fucking financial podcast on helping yourself get out of debt. But that's not what this is. No. And we probably should start wrapping up this. We should.

Let's do it. You ready for some tinders? Yes. Okay. So I'm going to hit you with a quick fire round because a friend of ours, good old agent, I forget what name we gave her has sent us this is actually the person whose profile we first reviewed their bumble they've sent us a few snaps from bumble and a lot of these are really quick because i don't know

if this was the original thing but it's like they now just overlay like some of the questions you answer over pictures instead so it's not like a full profile so i'm just gonna read them out you tell me um what you think a little bit about me into reading things walking places black coffee lefties rhubarb thoughtfulness not into parking lots front lawns black licorice golf austerity Footnotes better than endnotes. I, yeah, I got nothing against it. I feel like you're gonna be leaning pretty heavily on what this dude looks like. It's a girl.

Oh, uh, then I still think, yeah, I think it's still gonna be you know, leaning heavily on your looks in order for a swipe yes or no for this because I don't think there's a whole lot. They're not into parking lots and front lawns? That's a wild claim. I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, I don't understand what that has to do with anything or if that's a reference to something. So I feel like there's no sort of like, there's no meat there. So I think you're literally going to be like, they're cute because I don't think anything else adds to solid math.

Yeah, man. Like I said, it's a five. I'm giving her the four just cause it's weird and not a good way. Okay. How about this? Steve,

I studied physics partly because I just like writing texts like these laughing face. I'm one of the few who has already found themselves. No exploring needed. Yeah. I hate this right anyone who declares that they've like they're finished growing yeah well yeah one just like hey i never need to develop anymore yeah i'm gonna hit you with that energy like that's the most boring person it's like cool so i'm gonna get the same flavor forever at no point in time are you going to develop a new interest or a new hobby

or you know like learn anything you've just you're done I think we can all agree that if you've like anyone who says they've already found themselves definitely has not yeah no this is this is bad news red flags everywhere uh I like

daylight daylight savings shopping up oh sorry I like daylight savings, shopping, oh sorry. I like daylight savings, savings at Walmart, savings in general. I dislike hairless cats, revolving doors, and trying to fold fitted sheets. I mean, I agree with all those things.

I don't really care about Walmart savings, but actually no, do I like daylight savings? Not really. No one likes daylight savings. I appreciate the repetition. I get it. Also, all of our dislikes or their dislikes, I agree

with entirely. I would heartily swipe yes to this. I'd give it like a 6-7. Yeah. This is from Nick. Please send all you up texts before 10 PM. Yeah,

that's great. That's great. Right. That gets a 10 from me. Uh, this is from Greg. We'll get along if you're down to get roasted. I mean, sure. I guess like it's some some strange energy but it's kind of a violent

like energy to to send to a woman right just be like hey you want to be made fun of yeah i'm coming for you i'm gonna be really cruel about you hey maybe it's a new form of nagging like letting people know that's what's coming. I'm giving it a four. Yeah, I don't care for it. I go by Johnny. I'm funny, honest, and I enjoy taking the lead. Looking for something casual and consistent.

Brackets with good chemistry. I like cuddling in ice cream. Licking your lips emoji. Bonus points. Let me know if a dominant man in the bedroom intrigues you. Say hi. I don't bite. Br bite brackets unless it's welcomed to devil see i was fine until the end like i don't understand why people feel the need to shoehorn like sexual shit yeah you know what i mean like it's like especially as a dude like

guess what my man like she knows you want to fuck yeah like you don't need to sort of broadcast that everyone knows so i don't know it just comes off as like real fucking tiring especially though i don't bite yeah like you know the second anyone says that you're just like i just roll my eyes because i know what's coming next and it's never been funny like no one's ever found that funny or sexy no maybe the first person to ever say it um also this this man has never bitten a woman in his life i could tell you that i tell you that by looking at him um no but like there are six bullet points here every single one of them apart from the one where he says, I go by Johnny, has to do a little nudge to sex, right?

I enjoy taking the lead, is in the first one. Something casual with good chemistry. I like cuddling. You know what I mean? Like, no, he wants to fuck. It's ice cream. Let me know if a dominant man in the bedroom intrigues you.

That's where it goes downhill for me. Because I don't mind stating your intention. You know what I mean? Saying you take the lead is enough of a nod to be like, oh, you're indominant. Great. Cool. But saying something casual and consistent, that's cool. You know what I mean? I totally agree, but then when you read the rest, it just

colors the whole rest of it badly. Oh, 100%. Because he's just like, hey, sex? Also sex. And sex. But then sex and sex. Yeah, it just shows lack of self-awareness and lack of subtlety. Like, you were doing fine, and then you're like, oh, just in case you didn't get

it, here's another one. I don't like it. I'm giving it a one. Thank you very much for listening. It's always a pleasure. I apologize for the troubles with spotify last week um hopefully by the time this goes up we've solved it i'm i'm hoping it doesn't happen again i don't know why it went buck wild but uh but i do apologize hopefully this is up on time thank you josh eagle on the harvard city's first song paper stars

if you do want to reach out, I got all sorts of different means of communication this week. I had Agent Regal hit me up on Instagram, and then we got some emails. So if you do want to reach out, we're available on all sorts of platforms. You can find us on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast.

You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can hit us up on email at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com.'re on instagram as fuck buddies podcast that's all you know spelt the way it should be uh so reach out to us on any platform that you want and uh and let us know that you love us or um we can help you let someone else know that you love them by answering your questions. That was a... I don't know, man. I was physically reaching while I did that and was also reaching. So I did my best.

We also got sent a really nice webcomic from our Philippines friends. And I really appreciate that. You guys are the best. You ready? Yes. Hey, baby, it's happening. I'm ovulating right now. I felt the tingling of my egg coming out.

No. The most obvious change to Felicia's body from the woman who had let me join her in the shower was a full inch of waistline added from a burgeoning uterus filled with my bountiful overnight deposits. Imagining those seeds making way into our fallopian tubes, seeking that most precious treasure of eggs and bringing them to life within her flooded womb. I felt myself stiffened once more. This is literally by someone was like,

who was like, how do babies get made? And then just was like, yeah, that's sex writing for sure. Yeah. That's just not sexy or good or anything. Yeah.

That's not how, that's not how it works. Anyway, to finish this off, I've got a lovely Pornhub comment from Pornhub user Demonic Doggy Style. And they say, I can't watch porn stars fake play

video games anymore. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Bain. And we have been your fuck buddies.