F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 105 - Wife's Hot Friend Harem

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

Dain brings big dad energy to this one and Niall insults some brains.  Topics include fortunes found in foreskin, a murdery update, a rocky honeymoon phase, annoyingly platonic dick pics, being bullied by your wife to sleep with her friend, why won't just reject men up front, an epic chronicle of perfect monster girls.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Miles Payne, And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast, where we take your sticky, sexy situations

and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners, and we answer them. And this week, it's spooky. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. I mean, to be fair.

When it comes out. Wait, what? When this episode comes out, it'll be. I mean, to be fair. When it comes out. Wait, what? When this episode comes out, it'll be spooky because it'll be October. Oh, yes. I see what you're saying. Mm hmm. But also. Sorry.

I wasn't intentionally cutting you off, but I did somehow manage to keep cutting you off at the same point. I'm sorry. I don't even remember what I was going to say anymore. The world is spooky. I mean, to say anymore. The world is spooky? I mean, yes. Yeah, the world is terrifying. My point was just like, I don't know what my point was.

I just figured we had to talk about that it's almost fall and we're getting into the spook season. Did you hear that? Oh, was that? It sounds like fortunes found in foreskins. It's a new game I have for you, Dane. I have three items here that listeners have found found in foreskins. What? It's a new game I have for you, Dane. I have three items here that listeners have found in their foreskins, and you're going to have to try guess any of them.

You get three guesses. If you get one, you get podcast points. Okay. Do I get like a hint, or do I just have to start guessing? I feel like maybe I'll give you a hint as we go on, but I want you to start guessing so there are three separate foreskins or is this one dude's foreskin who's just packed to the brim with three separate examples and this this happened organically happened by accident someone said a

thing then someone else said a thing then another person said a thing and they were like oh wow we all either know people or have personally found strange things in our foreskins. And they were like, this should be a segment on the show. And I was like, well, now it is. Wait, these are people you know. They are listeners of the show. Fantastic. Or friends of.

You know what? I'm going to start with what I would imagine would be one of the worst things to get it. I'm going to say a Lego piece. Oh, man, that would be terrible. Right? But, like, realistically realistically would that be possible i feel like if you could get like the the little you know the little circle bits or like the really flat ones no but i don't mean like possible that like it could get in there but i mean possible that it

would like be a surprise that you would find it there i mean i don't know what people do. That's fair. That's fair. Okay. Two of the things are living. One is dead or non-living. And the other one, I'm sure you're in danger of that many days of your life. I guess cat hair? Yes. Oh, my God. You get your first podcast point. I mean, yeah.

Okay. That's fair. Like, I don't even have foreskin and there is cat hair in my foreskin. Okay. Now you get to go to the living ones. I don't want to. My first guess would be an ant. Okay.

Close, but no. Do you want me to just hit you with them? A spider? No. Okay. I mean, yeah, go for it. Mosquito. Just flew out of there they pulled it back and it just was gone and then we have a a dick tick a dick tick a tick upon their penis

oh i thought you meant there was a specific tick no it's it it's not, but they did have to get treated for Lyme disease. Yeah. Okay, but it's like, how did they get in there? The mosquito, no one knows. The tick, they were, I guess, out in nature. So apparently what happens is they get on you, and then they don't just latch. They move towards areas of warmth. So your armpits and between your legs are usually places that they try and get to.

And I don't know how the fuck it was just like, yo, I live here now. Yeah, but you're like, oh, how did a Lego get in there? It's like, well, Legos do some pretty suspicious things. Legos don't move. They're also a lot bigger and they don't seek warmth. This person just is a hot ass dick. I guess. Are you ready?

I don't know. Are you going to tell me more terrible things people have found inside their penises? I know, but it is more kind of terrible things. Remember our old attempted murder girlfriend? We got an update. Oh boy. Well, it's over. I officially broke up with her.

I sent a short text. I wasn't mean. Just said it wasn't working out. We should both move on. She was surprisingly very understanding. Emotional first. I i'm not gonna read the whole thing and give you the gist uh emotional first where she kicks in the fucking front door with a knife and tries to she was convinced the breakup was best for both of us talking the phone etc and before this conversation i did a bunch of stuff in case it went wrong tried to change my locks um

changed my passwords closed a bank account uh etc these are all really good if you ever feel like you need to do these you know your relationship is doing well right etc etc there's a lot of stuff where it's like they're weirdly saying all these terrible things but then insisting that they're a good person i'm emotional it's hard i think it's the right thing to do uh and then there's some stuff we missed to address some other stuff i mentioned i was going to report her to her former workplace for how she admitted to abusing the handicapped people and pulling the fire alarm i decided against it because she's already been fired i don't want to report her for trying to push me off the cliff either. And a lot of people also wanted me to find the allergic person she gave nuts to

and file a report about that, etc, etc. This person is a lunatic. I'm very glad we told them to break up with them. Yeah, I mean, like, those are... It's one thing to be like, oh, my girlfriend does silly things. And the other thing to be like, she's actively hurting people and trying to literally kill people. So, yeah, we gave the right advice. Well, I'm going to kick off something similar to this.

I mean, not really, but like in terms of just, you know, the energy relationships. This comes from Reddit user Snoo66492. They say, boyfriend yelled at me, told me to shut up after I confronted him about his only fans account. We've been together for two months and things have been a bit rocky on and off between us, but we always end up resolving things quickly. Anyway, I decided to snoop on my boyfriend's phone a few days ago and saw the

frequently visited only fans. I didn't think much of it at the time because I wasn't really aware of what only fans was. After doing some Googling, I came to the realization that paying women for naked photos on a platform like OnlyFans is both unfair and borderline cheating. I decided to confront him slash text about it while he was busy at work. He told me he deleted it after I brought it up, but I then asked him when the last time he used it was and he said when I was single. This is clearly not true since I saw in his

internet history that he'd been using it on a daily basis. I got upset that he lied which led him into trying to justify it by saying he didn't know what my view on it would be and that we were on and off anyway. I continued being upset with him but he never said or but never said anything disrespectful to him. He then asked or then he called me at work and tried to apologize. I didn't forgive him yet and decided to bring up the fact that he wasn't spending his money wisely. He often complains about being in debt. Then he started yelling at me and told me to shut up. It's the first time I've ever heard him yell in anger.

Uh, and I felt hurt by it. He apologized for yelling five minutes later and told me it was because he was super stressed and busy at work. Am I in the wrong for being upset and wanting to break up with him over this? Ooh, there's a lot of things to get into here.

Yep. Firstly, if you're Rocky and it's only two months in, I'm thinking you're not in a great relationship because that's what's known as the honeymoon phase where things are wildly good for for very little reason. So when I first read this, I thought it was two years. I first read this i thought it was two years i was yeah quickly and i thought it said two years and when i read it now i was like oh jesus this makes it much worse the funny thing is even if it was two years you'd be like maybe this isn't working out but two months you're like jesus christ you haven't had time for things to be rocky if things are rocky things were never good right because like rocky has like a a time associated with it right it's like oh it's been ongoing not just like yesterday sucked

yeah i mean like if imagine you're on a flight and turbulence was just the entire fucking yeah it sounds like a bad plane my dude not turbulence that's a great analogy uh so that's that's one thing secondly okay only fans i could see why you would be upset with it but like realistically it's not borderline cheat like i don't know it's weird because it's it's very clearly a professional thing not a personal thing like these people these only fan models unless it's his bud are not interacting with him in a genuine way it's just porn however i can understand being uncomfortable about it i guess you know what i mean some people are uncomfortable porn but like you have to realize that's mostly a you thing in a certain sense as well i brought this in because i also

i like i'm not entirely sure how i feel about roles of things like only fans in relationships and like what really the boundaries of that are i think it's definitely something you need to talk about and will like it'll vary from relationship to relationship but like i think i would i would rule closer on her side of things of it being because it's not as faceless as it is porn like no totally or it's you know they're independently doing things but like if you're on only fans there is some level of interaction with you know consumer and and model yeah and that's the whole point of it right like that's how it's marketed as it's like it's you know i i watched this actual like documentary thing on it recently that was like really interesting and basically i think one of the taglines they gave it was like the girlfriend experience where it's like you're not just it's

not as you said like this kind of like faceless or you know just like remote thing that's just kind of out there it's like tailored towards you It's like got that personal touch and it's, you know, whatever. So I definitely a hundred percent agree. It is worlds closer to kind of like an actual like cheating relationship because there is this kind of back and forth and there is more of a personal,

personal connection, all that at the same time though, I do think like these people are still professionals and workers. They were like, yeah, they're probably not crossing the line either. So it's like if there are those feelings, they're also still fake. You know what I mean? So like I sit firmly in the middle between her being like it's cheating and someone who just be like, oh, it's porn because it is this like kind of gray area in between.

We're like, yes, you might feel more connection, but i don't think there is necessarily more connection you know um but whatever like if you are uncomfortable with that that is fine i do think it's a little strange to be coming in hot and heavy again two months in and making all these demands but also when they're at fucking work that's not the time to do it yeah i mean like the the like laundry list of red flags here like we we've do we've been doing what the the tinder red flags for however long and like this is you know someone has unfurled sort of you know those uh the ones that they put out in like football games for like the whole side of the fucking stadium has an american flag it's like that's the size of this red flag right now um because like nothing here sounds good no nothing is good there is um so i

will give a little bit of context in the uh in the comments the question aster mentioned that the only reason she was snooping on his phone was because when they first started dating um he would like angle his phone when he would look at snapchats from his female roommate okay uh and it's like okay cool like that doesn't make anything better um we've talked about it before i think like very blatantly like you don't trust this dude and you, arguably you have some reasons why you shouldn't. But like, if you don't trust someone, it doesn't still give you right to like invade their personal.

Yeah. Property. Like, I don't know. He lies about it, which isn't great. But then again, it's like,

like, so that's not great, but she's like harassing my work, which isn't great. He calls her to apologize, which seems decent, I guess if it's like, so that's not great. But she's like harassing him at work, which isn't great. He calls her to apologize, which seems decent, I guess, if it's genuine. But then she starts like harassing him about money and like just twisting the issue. She pretends to take the apology, but then needles him that way. But at the same time, you can't really complain about money issues when you're burning through what I assume is a decent amount of money on OnlyFans.

I don't know what it costs. I don't think it's cheap. I would imagine it isn't. I don't think any porn is really cheap. It's also just like you don't need to pay for porn. So it's like you're not great with money if you're doing that and then complaining about money. So like I can see parts of each side of the argument, but then they just keep smothering them in red flags and being an asshole and it's like if someone's calling you at work and giving you shit it's like yeah you might tell them to shut up i don't know you're also probably stressed because you're at work you're trying to get back to work and people are probably like why is he on the phone and then you're being yelled at yeah it's like everything here indicates like you guys are not right for

each other and i don't even know if like you guys sound like you should be in a place to be dating anyone, to be honest. Yeah. I mean, like she sounds like she's riddled with trust issues, which, you know, fine. Most of us are. But that's something that you kind of got to work out sort of on your own before you do what you're doing in this relationship. And to this guy doesn't really seem like he wants to be in a relationship if he's getting you know sus you know suspicious snapchats from his female roommate and is on only fans like it sounds like this dude is is very happy to be playing the field um and like if his like his defense was well we're on and off like how is that

how is that a defense that you're going to accept in order to like keep your relationship together because like couldn't that be used in everything like every case just being like well we're on and off well honestly if they were

on and off like if they weren't like actually together like then the whole cheating aspect of this only fans is reduced even further right so it's like that's also that's less reason to be upset about it like i feel like if this were a more reasonable situation you could talk to him and be like hey look you know presumably he thinks it's only porn right and if you talk to him and you're like, yes, I understand that you think that. However, this is how I feel. And you guys came to a reasonable solution where like, you know,

maybe he stopped or, you know, looked at other porn that isn't quite as like intimate or whatever. That would probably be the advice I would give to another situation. This situation has so much other shit. I just feel like you guys need to break up and reevaluate general things about your life yeah 100 you know i like this this relationship is not healthy there's like there doesn't seem to be any sort of redeeming qualities of it or and like it also doesn't seem to bring out the best in either of you no and like it seems to just like you're both just throwing gasoline on each other's insecurities or you know what you

lack in sort of maturity yeah and all of this would suck anyway but it's two months in like just go it's only going to be harder to leave you know the more you stay like you said this is supposed to be the fun part this is meant to be the best part arguably like the honeymoon phase like it's you should be willfully unaware of people's like issues you know what i mean like you should still be able to hide the worst of yourself and if you're doing that dear god yeah next you'll be trying to push each other off cliffs sneaking lego into each other's foreskins yeah jesus all right i mean like that's i think that is the the best advice we can give is get out and maybe do some self-reflecting and figure out what you need in a relationship and not settle for anything less. This is by T.A. Cause no shit. Friend showed me his dick and I'm annoyed.

You know, I feel this. I every time you fucking show me your dick you know annoying it is wow well you fucking tell the whole truth why don't you well you know it's like i'm trying to work and just like hey look at this i'm like yes now i've seen it i thought you wanted a distraction let me finish my fucking minecraft castle so my favorite thing about this question is they don't spell out dick they They'd go D and then stars, but they go D and then four stars. Oh, so is it dicks?

Dicks? Maybe his multiple. Maybe it's like dick. Is that why he's annoyed? Be like, yeah, I get it, dude.

You're like fucking tails from Sonic. It is by a girl. Just a heads up. Okay. Pretty dumb situation. But here's the thing. I, female, have a friend, male, who is insecure and depressive. One of his main sources of insecurity is the thought of his penis not being big enough. A few years ago, a girl he slept with made some comment about being too small, and it really stuck with him.

Months ago, he asked me to give him an honest opinion, and God knows why I agreed. Sigh. It wasn't anything sexual, though. He just sent me a picture, and I got to the conclusion that, even though it was slightly smaller than the average, it's not the micropenis he was thinking it was, it was fine. I'm not into huge T's anyway. I cheered him up about it, and he got super excited.

Recently, he started losing some weight, and his confidence started to grow, which is great, because I know how depressive and self-destructive he can be sometimes turns out he was happy because he felt like losing fat was making his penis look bigger can i send you a picture so you can see its improvement sure why not he got me on a good day there it was i wasn't super excited about making thriving comments about it i just sent him a nice thumbs up text i hate to tell you, man, if someone said that to me after showing them my penis, I think that would put me in a depressive spiral.

Are you ready? He is now annoying the hell out of me, sending me sad emojis and saying just nice? Just nice isn't enough. How do I deal with this situation? I don't want to ruin his confidence, but I didn't think he would be expecting an entire ode to his penis.

Yeah. I mean, I think that's kind of like, that's the baseline you got to go with. Be like, look, man, I'm not sort of your penises cheerleader. I've already told you,

you know, you got the goods. I'm not going to be here to reaffirm your you know penis insecurity all the time you're fine move on keep rocking this confidence keep working out if you're if you're proud of it you're proud of it you know what i mean it doesn't matter even if it was a micropenis and him losing the weight and he was like hell yeah there it is let's go yeah like it doesn't matter about the actual physical size of the penis. If that was what was causing the mental anguish and he's now doing something about it and feeling better about it, whether it's losing the weight or your initial comment, like that's what needs to kind of be focused on. Not a constant like, you know, monthly update of you sort of, you know, validating him.

And I think you need to have that conversation to be like look i'm glad you value my opinion i've already given it to you and it's not going to change like i don't think there's anything that you're going to do to your dick that is going to sort of like change my initial reaction which was if i have to remind you positive like yeah like his dick didn't get smaller so it's like at at the very worst it's the same which was positive yeah it's like what more like it like fuck off i feel like she's gone above and beyond already oh 100 she's like she's a great friend yeah but you've already like really put yourself out there it's like if you're not sexually interested

in someone especially as a girl who I'm sure has been sent many unwanted dick pics it's like you've already really done this person a solid you know and like you never were ever required to do that but you did a cool thing you helped his confidence great friend

this is awesome and like your obligation is over and like your obligation is is over and done with you know and i feel like you're totally right you need to talk to him and be like hey look like one it was nice and a thumbs up was definitely not bad set firstly so like don't then turn this into a thing where it's like you know i'm saying something positive and you're saying like it's not positive enough you know and just be like look i honestly i did this once to help you i don't really want to be your constant like dick reviewer um so like i've said what i said yeah again it's not going to change for the worse unless you do something crazy um you know it's it's good you're great like can we not can

you not send me your dick anymore because what if what if this is some kind of sly like oh i just want to send you my dick wink yeah i mean like thankfully this dude is seemingly like apparently his ass both times which i can appreciate, he's not just like, she opened the floodgates and now he thinks she is, you know, open for, for dick pics. That's fair. Um,

so like that was what I thought was going to happen, where it's just going to be like a torrent of dicks, just being like, what about this angle? How about this? Should I send this to her kind of thing? Um, so thankfully he's seems to still understand. That he needs to get consent.

Before he sends her a picture of his dick. So small victories. It's sad that we have to be like. Well it's great that he asked before. I know. But yeah. You definitely need to have a conversation with him. And look.

It seems like you're a great friend. And it seems like you're a good person. And you have his mental health, you know, best interest in heart. So I think you need to be careful and strategic in the way you word it and approach it. But I think you do absolutely need to have the conversation of being like, hey, your dick is fine. You know it now. You know what I mean? Like you, you've embraced it and you've become more confident.

And I think that kind of is what you need to focus on you need to be like i've noticed since we've had that talk and you've been more confident you're working out and you're looking great ride that like don't let this insecurity creep back in on you like be stronger than that and and keep rocking this this confidence that you found because everything else anything that like may sneak up because of this is in your own head and you're making it up. Like you need to know that going forward, that like no matter what you do at this point, your dick isn't going to be worse. And you know what I mean? Like you have what you have and you're proud of it, or at least you were. So like don't let that slide away.

And you know what I mean? Like save this text message if you need to remind yourself of it or at least you were so like don't don't let that slide away and you know i mean like save this text message if you need to remind yourself of it uh and let him sort of like do his own work because again you're not his therapist and like you know you're not his dick reviewer um so do what you can and then sort of leave it at that and be like, from this point on, I don't want to see your dick anymore. Thank you. I like how you said that, like you were signing off from a speech on, you know. And in closing, I do not want to see your dick anymore.

Thank you and good night. Yeah. Yep, 100%. I think you nailed it. There's definitely no harm in reinforcing the positive message for the last time. And then just being like, you know, I don't want to see your dick. Not for any reason other than that I'm your friend.

I already did my due diligence. I'm great. I did my obligation over. Yeah, I think trying to shift the focus of the insecurity on the dick to the confidence of like everything else he's doing. I think that is the key to success here. All right. Hit me, Dan.

I mean, this kind of ties into our honeymoon phase. This comes from Reddit user, I see baby ENTJ. The title is just question for guys. If the girl you were dating was romantic with you for the first few years of dating, then it dissipates afterwards, turning into a smooth sailing feeling of companionship

do you think she loves you less than when she did when you were a fresh couple I'm asking this because I felt like this way with my boyfriend and I feel guilty that I don't feel the same way I did for him when I first met him I didn't want to mismatch the level of what he feels about me and what I feel about him do you value continuous romantic feelings or do you value the commitment and companionship beyond romance i think most girls break up with their boyfriends when they don't feel romance anymore and i wonder if that's justifiable thing to do this one's weird because i want to know what they mean specifically it's a lot of vague terms just like romantic whatever and just like you know like is it just that they aren't like

oh my god baby like and like all over each other and like buying each other fucking roses every few day or whatever or have you literally started to see your partner as a friend and aren't romantically attracted to them yeah yes like i it's kind of hard to tell what they mean like specifically this question and for the sake of the discussion let's argue or let's like say that it's the the first thing where it's like it's not over the top like they're out of the honeymoon phase sort of okay you know what i mean so they've got into like more routine stuff it's it's less about like grand gestures of romance and more about like consistency yeah and and that's

the thing i think like a lot of times your relationship just becomes comfortable. And there's that's arguably what you want. You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of great. You know, I definitely don't think that's a bad thing. You know, again, like, if you're still enjoying the relationship, and your partner is still enjoying the relationship, and like you guys have settled into like a good rhythm, and you're just like there for each other and every like that that's all good you know if it's gone the opposite way and it's just like complacency and lack of effort and like you know coldness almost you know to me or like casualness with regards to each other then i think that's a problem. But like, I feel like this question is that the, uh, the question writer is worried that her boyfriend will perceive the comfort that she doesn't seem to have a problem with as her being less into the relationship. And I would assume that, well, one, you could always like, you know, just check in in like you probably know if they're upset or hopefully they will bring it up to you if you guys communicate well but uh i'm gonna guess no yeah i mean like there's no harm in having it's like a man and i have these conversations all the time where it's just sort of like like are you getting everything you need kind of thing

you know i mean it's like is there anything missing like um there's no harm in having these chats you know what i mean and i think they're they're essential especially as you you know i mean it's like is there anything missing like um there's no harm in having these chats you know what i mean and i think they're they're essential especially as you you know progress in time in a relationship because people change and like what you want changes and what you need changes you can't expect sort of everyone to have the same sort of hierarchy of needs from when you first start dating to you know two years two years in, three years in, four years in, five years in. Because like I'm telling you right now, if you've been with someone for 10 years, I highly doubt, you know, sex is at the top of the list, as most people usually put it when you

first start dating someone. You put it in a great way. It's like, is is it complacency? Are you just sort of like going through the motions? Cause if that's the case, then yeah, there might be a problem, but if you're just comfortable and you guys are still enjoying it and you know, everything that you want, all your needs are still being met and you're happy, then that's, that's great. Like that's kind of like what we want in life. And I think Hollywood and like media has sort of like brainwashed us into thinking that if like, if it isn't like this fiery, over the top passion romance thing all the time, 24 seven, it's that's not exhausting. Yeah, it sounds terrible. Like, I'm very, very happy to value the friendship and the romance in a partnership more than I am to, like, I don't need the big, grand romantic gestures after a couple years.

You know what I mean? I don't. Because, like, presumably, you've won me over. I'm still here. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like those in the movies and even in real life in a certain sense it's like those are the like hey pick me like look at me i'm a viable partner like this romance with me is storybook blah blah blah it's like you guys already know where your romance is at you know

where your relationship is and hopefully it's great and if it's so great you guys are so comfortable with each other that you don't need to perform it all the time, then that's awesome. You know, what Dane said about checking in is great. And like, if you're happy, it's probably a good thing. If you're unhappy, then you got to look at why. And if the reason why is that maybe you've fallen out of love and that's why you're not doing those things, then yeah, you got to reconsider.

But if you're comfortable, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, exactly. And if it's one thing where you kind of like feel like you know maybe the romantic energy is sort of dwindling then plan a date night you know what i mean like there's no harm in in doing something that used to be important in your life and bringing it back like having a nice candlelit dinner even like at home you know what i mean and watching one of your favorite movies or picking a new movie or whatever you know what i mean it's like something as simple as that like cuddling up on the couch putting your phones aside and just spending some quality time together is is a great way to sort of like rekindle just that feeling of togetherness yeah

like one date night can do wonders like a little little dinner at home. Anything that you kind of like put the time and effort into can be great. So yeah, I feel like there's absolutely nothing wrong with the big romance kind of like fading in a sense once the feelings and the care and the compassion is still there. Exactly. My 29-year-old male wife, 29-year-old female, is trying to push me into sleeping with her friend, 27 year old female. I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure if I should do it. My wife of three years, 10 years together and have what I think is a solid marriage and sex life. A long time ago, she asked if there were any of our mutual friends I was attracted to.

I told her I only had eyes for her. She said she was serious and wants to know names. I refused to answer. She kept trying to get me to tell her. And eventually I broke and said name. She didn't ask if I would sleep with her. She said she was serious and wants to know names. I refused to answer. She kept trying to get me to tell her, and eventually I broke and said a name. She then asked if I would sleep with her. I told her of course not. She then asked if I would if we weren't married. I still said no. She said I was lying and kept pushing me to answer otherwise. I gave up and said if I wasn't in love with her, I'd sleep with her friend, and that was the end of the conversation. Over the last few months, the friend keeps coming up in conversation.

She specifically keeps comparing herself to her. She'll make a comment on how said friend has a better butt than her or is more well-entailed than her. I always tell her she's better looking, but she won't believe me. I get the feeling she's very upset I said that and is now jealous of her friend because she caught my attention. Then three weeks ago, my wife offered to get me and her friend together. I was taken aback and asked her what she was talking about. She then said she knew I wanted to sleep with her and that I thought she was better looking than her and she would understand and wouldn't care if we slept together once.

I told her she was speaking crazy and I wasn't into her friend. She then says it's not going to hurt her feelings if I am and that she really thinks I should accept her offer. I told her no and she asked me again. I again said no. I asked why she wants this. She said it wasn't a weird fetish. She just wants me to be satisfied. I told her I couldn't sleep with another woman.

She's been asking me to do this for a while now and eventually even said she asked a friend and they're open. What bothers me is that she told her friend about this. She really wants me to do this for an odd reason and isn't letting it go. I'm tempted to do it just so I don't have to hear it again, but I really don't want to sleep with anyone other than my wife. Apparently, she's all for me banging a friend she's jealous of. This is a strange situation. I'm really at a loss. Can anyone tell me why she's like this or what I should do?

Oh, no. Poor guy. I mean, the fact where he's like, oh, I feel like I should just do it together. It's like, did you not notice the trend and how this has just gotten worse? It's literally you being asked and hounded by her to do something. And then you finally cave and do it. And then it gets fucking worse. That's my favorite part of the whole thing.

Because one, it's like, we all know that it's never going to work out well. But two, it's like, is he just like, I'm tempted to do it. I mean, just so I don't have to hear it again. Yeah, it's like, this will definitely never be brought up again. Like when she asked you who you thought was attractive and then continued to bring her up again until she's now trying to get you to fuck her. It's like, yeah. How do you think this is going to end, my dude? Yeah, this has been going on for literal months.

And it started with an innocent question turned into like a weird obsession. And like now a sex pact. It's such a shitty thing to do to someone. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like he was hinting at it. It's not like he was like, oh, we were out with this friend., you know, maybe I got a little drunk and a little flirty and now my wife is suspicious. It wasn't anything like that. It was literally her out of nowhere being like, hey, who do you think is attractive out of my friend group?

And then not fucking giving it a break until you chose a fucking person. Yeah, like you were basically bullied into saying something and now bullied because you said something yeah and now you're getting like forced into like don't have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with well yeah first of all never do that like we're all capable of finding people attractive and not wanting to pursue a sexual relationship with them you know what i mean it's like i've worked in bars my entire life which is filled with attractive women i'm very capable of being like ah that's she's a babe and never pursuing anything with them or wanting to fuck them like it's it's not a hard thing to do as a human being to separate those two urges yeah

and that's like even when I wasn't in a relationship, you know what I mean? Like, you're still, you're like, you're in charge of that sort of, that sort of thought process. Yeah, this is just a trap. Like, no part of this is genuine and no part of this is going to go well.

Do not engage. Yeah, I think you need to like, sit down with your wife and definitely have a conversation about being like, why are you so fixated on this? Like I have I didn't bring this up like this was all of your own sort of design. So what is what is the real issue here? Yeah, I'm going to assume it is either one of two things. The more obvious I would assume is insecurity, where like, it's just like this, it's this weird, like preventative insecurity where it's like, she's projecting it. So like, she it's weird, like, just she's trying to get in this situation to almost like, prove her insecurity, right, or get you to prove it wrong but then won't let you um yeah and it's just this like hole she's dug and can't get out of or she has cheated on you and is trying to make it okay for her to have done that right yeah or you know me like maybe

she has like a huge crush on one of your friends oh yes and she's trying to fucking be like well you slept with claire so i get to rail pimento yeah the two classic names claire and pimento uh but yeah it's like i'd like i don't necessarily think it might be a gambit like for her to fuck your friend but maybe to like justify the guilt that she has about it or a gambit to fuck your friend or maybe she wants to fuck one of your friends you have a really really hot friend named pimento named pimento firstly do not fuck this person one because you do not want to and two because it will destroy everything yeah you need to like lay down the law here you need to be like i don't want to have sex with your friend.

I don't want to talk about your friend anymore. And that is the end. Like, we're not having this discussion again. How about you message the friend? Like, I would love to know when she said the friend, like, have you ever heard from the friend? Or is she just saying that the friend said this? Because part of me wonders that the friend has never been consulted on this. And that's also part of the trap.

But if you have actually seen the text or know that this whole my friend is actually okay with it is real then maybe talk to the friend and be like hey sorry I'm not going to sleep with you and then I would definitely maybe pussyfoot around the well like that's what I'm saying like if she

100% has agreed and like you know she's part of this then talk to her and just be like hey sorry I'm not going to sleep with you like I'm not like you know she's part of this then talk to her and just be like hey sorry I'm not gonna sleep with you like I'm not like you know be polite or whatever but like if then the wife is like well why don't you it's like I've already talked to her we're not gonna do it that's like you're removing the possibility it's

not just between you and your wife anymore it's like you've already shut it down yeah yeah so that could be could be like a good way to like you know at least like stop this like incessant barrel forward enough to maybe talk about it and if you're not sure whether this friend has been consulted maybe don't because that could just make the situation more awkward and weird yeah the only thing i could think of is like maybe reaching out to the friend being like

hey my wife has been acting strange and i'm a bit worried. Has she talked to you about anything? Yeah. Depending on how close you and the friends all are. And try to like maybe like because maybe this stems from something else. Like maybe she kind of knows that like this friend is the babe of the group and would be the obvious choice for you to pick. You know what I mean? And like for whatever reason, like her and the wife have had some tension i don't know because yeah like if if the wife finds out you've been talking to this friend quote unquote behind her back it could end poorly but at the same time like i

think this ends poorly regardless of what happens i think if there's if there's an avenue to shut it down with the friend in a non-escalating things or being weird situation, do that. And then talk to your wife. And if not, just talk to your wife. Because you need to, like, sit her down. Don't let her weasel out. Don't let her, you know, fucking bully you into saying more incriminating shit. Does she work for, like, the Secret Service?

Does she just, like, make people say things? And then she's like, what, you're going to jail now? And they're like, what? I didn't even do that. It's like, then why things and it's like what you're going to jail now and they're like what i didn't even do that it's like then why'd you say it you told me you tortured me you've pulled out my fingernails yeah when she's asking you these questions is she also dumping buckets of water over your face with yeah like is she waterboarding you while this happens but you need to talk to her and you need to not let her avoid it yeah you need to you need to make your bullet points of like what you need to say and stick to those and not get distracted and not get fucking you know sort of mind controlled into revealing more information

about your you know secret sexual desires Or maybe he should go the opposite route and pull a little something out of one of our old episodes and say he wants to fuck her mom. Yeah. Be like, you know what? Actually, I've changed my mind. Be like, I actually think this person's more attractive. Just keep fucking cycling through her friends

until she's literally contacted every one of her friends about fucking you. And then fuck all of them. And then live this, like, amazing dream life that you have in which you can fuck your wife's hot friends one by one. You have a hot wife friend harem.

Or wife's hot friend harem. But yeah, in short, talk to her. Figure out where this is coming from. And don't let yourself be bullied into leaving the issue to fester you literally need to like say the phrase this is the last we're going to talk about it i don't want to talk about it again and anytime that she brings it up just be like we're not talking about this and and like either change the subject or move on that was a real dad voice like

we are not talking about this the lastas, we're talking about this. You sound like a dad. And I love it. Dad Miller. All right. Do we have time for another one? Yeah, we could do a quick one. Because I think my last question will be a quick one.

This comes from Reddit user historical situation four. Oh. Why don't women just say that they don't like you? When I spoke to women, either at bars slash clubs, I would often find that if they don't like you. When I spoke to women, either at bars slash clubs, I would often find that if they don't like me, they would try to find all these paper thin excuses

to just stop talking to me. Why don't they ever say that they're not or plain just unattracted to me or not interested? Why say you have a boyfriend and dance with two different guys in the same night?

I know my example is pre-COVID. Why just look at your phone when he's trying to talk to you? He will just stick around and keep being creepy because he's waiting for an answer. Stop trying to act like you have an appointment early in the morning, or you just met someone you haven't seen in forever, or this or that. The man is just going to want your phone number because he thinks you might like him, and you haven't told him otherwise.

It is super confusing, a waste of time, and it's not good for anyone. Also, women complain of men not leaving them alone, but they won't tell the man just to leave them alone. Just say you don't like him. Just tell him the truth. Maybe tell him what features you do

don't like about him so he can prove himself. I feel like you don't tell him you don't like him. He's just going to keep wondering. Someone please enlighten me. Is this from Seduction? It's not, actually.

This dude, like, the lines? You see the lines? Read fucking between them, dude. I like how he concisely lists all these ways you can hint at someone that you don't like them. Which he clearly knows means that they don't like him because he's saying, why didn't they just tell me instead of showing me these ways? It's like he knows. He's just refusing to take that as an answer until they force feed it these ways. It's like, he knows he's just refusing to, to take that as an answer until they force feed it to him.

I guess what, but why do people not do that? Have you seen the amount of fucking stories there are of women being attacked or assaulted, or at the very least, just like, you know, fucking yelled at,

or like, you know, verbally harassed for saying no and be called lesbians or being called like, I didn't like you anyway, or fuck you or stabbed or, you know, ugly anyway slut yeah like okay cool this is the dumbest fucking question i hope it's some sort of bad parody yeah it's like it's so mind-boggling but like this is in a nutshell like why we made this fucking podcast because there are people out

there who think that it is women's responsibilities to handhold them and like i'm sorry give them a list of things that they don't like oh yeah the itemized review the itemized review is is my best my fucking favorite part of this almost where it's just like like what when has a person ever turned to a person and been like okay well i give that nose like four out of five um you're really gonna need to you know maybe fix it like center it a little bit uh those eyes yeah eight i guess but you know no no one's ever going to do that yeah like you want people to be fucking like concise out of like i guess politeness and tell you that like they're not interested but then you want them to like give you a fucking honest review of why they're

not attracted to you nobody wants that you know what i'd rather i would rather have be like hey how's your night going and someone's like fine and then looks at their phone i'd be like cool have a good night just rather than be like hey here's the things i don't like about you yeah it's like hey you know what oh you don't like about you. It's like, hey, you know what? Oh, you don't like me. No, wait, wait. Let me judge every part of you before you leave. No.

Hold on. I'm not going to spend with you. You know what? Maybe if we could get like women, every woman on board with that. And that was sort of like. That would be powerful. That's the thing. It's like, you know what I mean?

Like it's not rejection anymore. It is a brutal takedown of an itemized list of everything that you don't have going for you. Hey, baby girl. I like that smile. I don't like your smile. I don't like your eyes.

I don't like your ears. I don't like your general sense. Not great. Oh, I'm sorry. No, no, you don't get to leave.

Oh, no, no, no. Come back here. Hold them down. Like everyone, like just like every bar has panels in which men have to stand on and if you want to approach a woman you have to stand on the panel

and these like boots close over your feet you can't get away exactly if you're not if they're not interested they hit their button and you get clamped in for the most savage review of your very essence. That would be great. But this fucker is the exact kind of person who would be like, why are women so rude? I went to talk to one and she said she wasn't interested in me. What a piece of shit. Like, why can't they just be like men and be nice?

How do they know they're not interested in me if they barely talk to me? It's like, this woman gave me a review, an itemized review of all my body parts i found that offensive why can't they you know like just get the fucking picture you fucking dirtbag there is inherent like threat when a man comes up and talks to you unfortunately because just the simple like history it's called a historical event right is that the person's name yeah i know i love that too it's a historical situation well historically men fucking suck so you can understand or you should be able to understand why women can be hesitant to maybe set off the the bigger person in front of them when history has shown that they are more often than not unable to deal with

rejection someone mentioned that in the comments and he was like well if he said anything to or if he like hit anyone or if they ever like physically assault them they'll just go to jail and if they yell at them they'll get kicked out of the club I'm like what are you talking about

that is not how this works my dude no but also it's like I don't necessarily care if's going to go to jail after beating the shit out of me. Because guess what? I'm going to get the shit kicked out of me. If I could ignore them and they leave eventually, that's better. And hey, here's the thing, my dude. You remember the whole, yeah, but what was she wearing? You remember that whole fucking rhetoric?

Because that's what men have been using to do terrible things to women for decades i also love how he was like says she has a boyfriend then dances with two different guys and it's like okay well one oh and then he says like oh it's pre-covid as if that's the issue with that fucking statement you can dance with people when you have a boyfriend they could be friends of hers one could have been the boyfriend you don't fucking know also oh i want to find this person slap them in real life i want to find this person and give them an itemized list of everything i like about them well this is the number one list like your fucking brain sucks because you can't understand simple situations like this isn't rocket science at all like there are number one your brain sucks

your brain is stupid um like you you don't even have to like imagine these scenarios like you don't even use you need to use the brain power to suppose what might happen there are examples for it written on every single fucking newspaper on everybody's fucking facebook page just like anywhere you could even just go to a bar and just stand there for an hour and you'll see it happen i mean i think we all agree his brain sucks his brain does suck um yeah like no one is like look you can obviously read between these lines so so do it do yourself a favor it's like lingering hanging around i also love how he details all the shitty things he does where he's like i'll linger because they haven't said the magic words like i'll harass them i just won't go it's like you wonder why they don't like you man i know he was like oh well guys will just be quote unquote

creepy if they're not told it's like you don't have like that's it's not the binary option of like women have to expressly tell you whether or not they're interested to you and you have to become creepy and just linger like those aren't the only two options you could pick up the subtext of them not being interested and move on what if he got cursed by a witch and literally when he's talking to someone they have to either expressly say they don't like him or review all of his features or else he just magically has to become creepy it's that time of year spite which might be added again dude come on cop on you're smart enough because everyone in the world is smart enough to be able to understand this basic fucking situation if you start to give even half of a shit women are gonna care about you so much

more you know what's gonna like make someone's opinion of you get a lot higher if you start to give even half of a shit, women are going to care about you so much more. You know, what's going to like make someone's opinion of you get a lot higher. If you go up to someone granted, hopefully you're not being a fucking idiot, but you probably are. Cause your brain sucks. But like, if you go up and you try to like chat up a lady and they don't seem interested and you're just like,

all right, Hey, cool. Have a good night. That right there is probably going to improve their opinion of you. It might not make them attracted to you still, but that's fine. Because Hey, cool. Have a good night. That right there is probably going to improve their opinion of you. It might not make them attracted to you still, but that's fine. Because, hey, guess what? The general, you know, air of not being a fucking weirdo.

Because like I'm telling you right now, if you've cornered a woman and you're just sort of lingering while she tries to ignore you, every woman is taking note of that in that bar. Yeah, you have become a glowing red flag. Like everyone knows what you're up to and everyone knows that you're not chill about it. Like this is the thing that women have to be hyper aware of when they're out. And it's not secret. You know what I mean? It's not subtle. Women are noting across the board.

Everyone in there knows what you're up to and knows your fucking shit. Yeah. And everyone's going to avoid you for the rest of your fucking night and hey maybe one of those people might have liked you if you were you know chill and your brain didn't suck yeah no one's no one's spidey senses are going off if you go up talk to someone for 30 seconds you get the you know the rate on them that they're not interested you and you're just like all right have a good night you cheers them and walk off like i have talked to many people who clearly were not interested in me at all and probably thought i was being really creepy and i was like

okay whatever and leave and like later on in the night i have had people become my friend you know what i mean maybe just for the night maybe something where we're still friends today or even just friendly or they've actually been like oh you're that guy from earlier and like we've ended up hooking up. It can happen. But guess what? You just need to not be shit. Yeah.

Let's end it. You got some Tinders for us? Oh, you know I do. So every week we've started getting Tinders sent in to us, either from listeners or ones we find in the wild. And we review their profiles for red flags. I'm going to hit you with some quick ones ones and then we're going to go into some more detailed ones. Okay.

Uh, this is a snippet from hinge. It's a girl's profile. My love language is dick. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Uh, biggest risk I've taken leaving my day job to guzzle vagina. Okay. Is this all the same person? No, these are

different. I found a compilation of women with powerful hinge energy, and these are three I've taken from that compilation. So, what's the love language dick rating? Ten. Ten, okay. Guzzle vagina rating? I'm gonna say eight okay only because it's

it's confusing giving me it's giving me ptsd of the woman last week who had too much liquid yeah the eight ounces of liquid in our vagina uh and then this is my dress on my arms and my face and my torso only two people in the world have ever seen my feet and both of them are dead two thumbs up i assume it's just a picture of all those things it's it's her with a in a dress with a shot from the knee up hell yeah that's a 10 for me yeah that's 10 for sure uh now we're gonna go into some longer format shit uh this is Tinder. This is from Marcus. He's in Wichita. Sitting in Sedgwick County Jail right now, but I'm finna touch down soon.

My little bro running this for me, but write me, and then they have his address so you can write him in jail. It's hella dead in this motherfucker. Nice. And then in his bio, he has a picture of the various charges he's been arrested for, which include fugitive from justice, first degree murder and commission of a felony twice,

aggravated robbery twice, and state parole violation. I think the fugitive of justice is the scariest one there. I'm sorry, first degree murder and commission of a felony twice isn't? Yeah, no, being a fugitive, man. What does that mean? What is he running from? in there i'm sorry first degree murder and commission of a felony twice isn't yeah no it being a fugitive man what does he run in from so probably probably the people he's murdered what's what's market marcus in jail uh what do you give that one i mean i can't see how this go bad that's fair right i don't see a single red flag here everyone knows that prison rehabilitates people and you know they learn from their mistakes

oh i i didn't fully read this next one it gets weirdly racial i think um this is jd 27 i can lift a fully grown horse above my head i can hold my breath for 10 minutes to settle a wager i once ate a pound of peanut butter oh fb fuchs strongest badger poison and ran a mile in the nude and cannot feel pain i could see for two miles unaided by a lens no man can kill me i've beaten a man of every race in formal combat and then he has a list which i'm not going to read out a medical doctor and two priests have written and signed the document confirming that i have no soul and his picture seems accurate for all these claims. Is it just him in Nazi regalia?

No, it's him. His two eyes are pointing slightly away from each other. His face looks like the back of a truck. And he seems a little dazed. So how do you rate JD? I hate it. And I don't like him. I think I'd go with the prison guy over this guy. That's fair.

All right. Bisexual AF, all capitals. I hate it, and I don't like him. I think I'd go with the prison guy over this guy. That's fair. All right. Bisexual AF, all capitals. And 23, not 25, all capitals. Two different heart emojis and a lip emoji. Hi, I'm insane in the good way. Speak languages. I've been around the world three times.

Holla. Hey, remember the last time someone said they were insane in the good way? They fucking tried to, like, kill a person with a peanut allergy. Yeah. Also, peanut allergy. Yeah. Also, speak languages? Yeah. You can't say that. You have to list how many. No.

No, you can't say that. Yeah, you can't. I speak la- No. It's the most factually correct sentence spoken by anyone. Also, this person says they've been around the world three times.

Holla. That's untrue. I know the person who someone recently won an award for being the youngest person to travel around the world. And they were like 23. This person is also 23. Well, are we talking about visiting every country? No, maybe. Or just going around the fucking world?

Because you can do that. That's not hard to do. That's fair. What do you rate that? I don't like it. Anyone says they're insane, I'm removing almost every point. I'll give them a one.

I'm sorry. Sarcastic wino. City farmer. Cat lady. I enjoy cooking in the outdoors. I dislike broccoli, celery, shepherd's pie, and opening lines about my tattoos. Tell dudes only because it does matter. Mostly here for free dinners.

Stop putting children on your dating profile. It's weird. Canadian flag. Won't message first. I 100% play a drinking game to stereotypical profiles. My fish pick is better than yours. Scorpio. In Toronto for the night.

Oof. Like, that was a wild ride for me, because I was like, yes, no, yes, no. No, I mean, this seems like too much work for me. The no's far outweighed the yes's, in my opinion. That gets a two. Yeah, yeah, I would agree. And that's them for today. All right, well, thank you very much for listening, friends.

We love you, and you very much for listening friends. Um, we love you and you're very special to us. It's also true. If you have a question for us and you would like us to answer it for you. Um, or if you have a friend of your wife's that you would like us to sleep with, um, you can email us or, uh, reach out to us on social media.

On Facebook, we are fckbuddiespodcast. On Twitter, we are fck underscore buddies. You can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. And you can visit us on the World Wide Web at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca. Thank you to Josh Eagle eagle on the harvest cities and first you're going to have to message us to make to ask which one of your wife's friends we find the most attractive yes of course

yeah we're not going to sleep with the ones we're not attracted to even though there's no way of knowing unless they tell us so I'm going to do something a little different this week I mean that doesn't mean anything so far you've hit me with fucking like squid house porn and Muppet

porn, so I feel like everything's different, man. Well, this time, instead of me reading out the bad sex writing, I'm going to imply the bad sex writing. This is the blurb off a series of books called

Making Monster Girls for Science. They call me mad, but I don't see anything wrong with using science to create the perfect monster girl. They call me insane, but I just want to live my life with a harem of beautiful cat girls, bear girls, fox girls, snake girls, and, well, pretty much any type of monster girl. They call me a megalomaniac, but why wouldn't any red-blooded man want to make cute babies with all these beautiful monster girls? They call me evil, but they don't just realize

I destroy anyone who tries to harm my monster girls. Can you taste the bad sex writing? I mean, he's got a point though. What red-blooded man doesn't want a fox girl? My greatest experiment, the culmination of years of efforts has been a success i have created the world's first monster girl this is book two

okay so it was by accident but what should have been the happy ending is merely the beginning the forces of the matriarchy will stop at nothing to kill us all if they found out what i've done thus there is only one logical solution i must topple the matriarchy to do that i'm gonna need more monster girls wait the whole book was him being like i'm gonna do it and then he's like it was an accident how did this happen i was already a target but now that i've created a harem of fiercely loyal and beautiful monster girls the matriarchy won't rest until i'm destroyed but me and my wonderful monster girls won't die without a fight we will topple their disgusting system i am so close to triumph i can taste it everything is within my grasp a bevy of scientifically engineered monster girls

the destruction of the matriarchy wealth and power beyond reckoning i just need to make the duchess mine for science i'm assuming the duchess is just a regular woman why would you want to go back after having all these beautiful monster girls the duchess has believed my con and now she is almost mine as soon as i make her my monster girl my coup of this city will begin then i will make every aristocrat my monster girl and rule this place how old is the person who i don't know The art on the front of these is wild. Are they like actually published books or are they like e-books?

Uh, they are e-books. They're actually free on Kindle Unlimited right now. What? I may have to buy one, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. You just said they're free. The reviews are incredible. I'll just read the first line i love

that the duchess adina capped her memories when she was transformed into a monster girl such a powerful and cruel woman turned into a loving in subservient one is quite arousing and erotic hell yeah a good read still enjoying the series this is a four a four star review and the title is good read but dot dot dot good read still enjoying the series but starting to notice things main character is literally hoping to have every single monster woman love him question mark so all these men you're freeing are left without a spouse slash mate that's not equal plus he's starting to sound like a bloodthirsty dictator less the man of science we once knew not sure if what we're seeing is the beginning of a darker aspect of the series but i'm still hooked hoping the book keeps getting better.

It's going to be Game of Thrones kind of thing, where the hero becomes the villain? I think yes. It's such an artfully done story. There's no way he's not hinting at a deeper... Oh, yeah. No. Do you think this is making

this man money? Do you think this is a reflection of his real life right now now where he's like, he's almost powerful enough to take over the matriarchy and which I, that, I mean, I am assuming he's either talking about his mother or his female boss at his like Joe job. I'm like,

he has a lot of reviews, man. I'm assuming I'm in the wrong game. Yes. A hundred percent. It's there's always more. I was about to say there's more money in sex than anything else, but I guess technically we're in the wrong game? Yes 100% I was about to say there's more money in sex than anything else But technically we're in the sex game We just call people's brains stupid

I'm going to finish this off with a Pornhub comment presumably By the person who wrote these books It is an 8 year old adult And they say Quote What are you doing? That's not my gamepad Quote Poor poor gamer.

Just wanted to play on the PlayStation. But that slut suddenly grabbed his dick. Unbelievable. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Miles Payne. And we've been your fuck buddies. Vote. Music